If Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty become part of an integral human education, therapies will NOT exist. We will instead be able to face ourselves, our thoughts, our own mind as the reality that we actually are, and will Not create this constant battle within our minds when realizing that we have lived a ‘double life.’ We can instead Work with our own Secret Mind to face it, self-forgive it and correct our standing toward ourselves and others.
But the reality is that we allow ourselves to be caught within the sweet and sour polarities that we build within ourselves and toward others, wherein our relationships are based on ‘how we want to be seen/ perceived like’ – which is acting like the ever-agreeable sugar coated personality toward others, while hiding a seemingly perpetual ‘demonic nature’ that is constantly looming and rearing its head within our own minds: the ‘true nature’ that our mind, our beingness is actually existing-as, is the real shady business that we avoid facing as ourselves.
This came up while watching this therapy session by Carl Rogers enquiring a woman about her personal ‘issues’ in life wherein now – because we are aware of the tools of self support – it becomes obvious that the missing link throughout the conversation with Gloria – the patient – would be walking through a process of writing herself to freedom, applying Self Forgiveness to stop existing in perpetual fears, morals and guilt- and then start walking a Self-corrective process, wherein her personal troubles are then directed within Self-Responsibility.
She continually asks for an answer to the therapist – same construct that we develop toward masters, teachers, parents, presidents, god or any other perceived ‘authority’ in our reality. This is something common whenever we miss-out our Self-Trust by having lived a life wherein the consequences of our actions eventually lead us to exist within a catch 22 situation that we tend to avoid realizing that: we drove ourselves to-it, fully and completely. Within her conversation, it becomes clear how she’s fearing having to accept the ‘shady aspects’ that exist within her, which leads her to ‘hate herself’ = thus fearing that her children would also dislike her for having her expose and explain her ‘true nature’ to them.
What would allow her to accept herself as Self-Trust? Just that, first accepting herself, her thoughts, here inner struggle as something that she can actually walk through if daring to be Self-Honest. Through establishing and living in Self-Honesty, we develop Self-Trust because we will then know that whatever we do, live and say = we will stand accountable for. The way to walk as Self-Trust is realizing that: no matter how ‘bad’ it all may seem within my mind, I am able to Forgive myself, walk the consequences within Self-Responsibility and make sure that I remain building a life that I realize, will allow me to live and express – with no strings attached to keeping secrets and ‘issues’ in my own mind.
Her case is related to having a sexual life after she had been divorced, which by the time of this recording, it was probably not widely ‘accepted’ – and even now still clouds sexual expression within the aftermath of people that go through divorce, in terms of the discomfort and ‘clash’ that comes up when having children and bringing new partners home. The reality is that, because we have built this ‘construct’ of society based on roles that are apparently ‘unbreakable,’ we limit and constrict ourselves to believe that all we can now be toward this/ that person is ONLY the role that we must remain-as for the remainder of our lives. And what happens when this ‘character’ or role is built upon a dishonest idea of self – which we all invariably are – is that the inevitable truth of ourselves comes to the surface, and we fear having to look at ourselves in the mirror – which is our life, our experience, our very own thoughts that creep up – until we start deeming that we ‘require help’ because: mind possession is in full-developmental stage.
We/ people fear breaking through this self-created bubble mechanism wherein we don’t want to step out of it and see that: the reflection that we create all the time toward others in our world and toward ‘the world’ itself, is only stemming from ourselves.
Gloria’s case is one of the most common examples to describe how we all function as human beings when discovering the ‘real nature’ of ourselves, our thoughts, our Machiavellic lifestyle that we believe others are ‘unaware’ of – because it is all delicately schemed in our minds. Specifically in her case how parents instill a veto to speak self honestly toward children, creating an ‘immaculate image’ of themselves wherein, at the end , when finding out that they – the parents- lied, there is this entire pedestal that is shattered to pieces, ensuing a general ‘mistrust’ from the child toward the parents and any other human being. This is from the basic premise that parents are the examples and ‘role models’ that children look up to for the immediacy that they represent within their lives. Thus, when this bond is broken, survival mode toward the world and everyone else kicks in, just because of the logical assumption that:
‘If my parents were able to lie to me – what can I expect from the rest of the world?’
Then the child goes into a fight or flight mode wherein general insecurities may unfold, creating an entire personality based on having a constant tag throughout their lives of ‘I cannot trust another’ and –unfortunately- we haven’t built a world based on equality-bonds wherein the child/ person could prove themselves wrong. So, what is brewed at home then by this single point of parents not being able to communicate and effectively create a platform of support toward children? Children that will grow up in general mistrust, fear, hostility toward themselves and anyone else – it is not about ‘the world’ per se, but how each individual is now perceiving the world ‘to be like’ within the mind, which obviously we manifest as an actual world-reality within the understanding that we are the creators of it.
The Schizophrenic Mind = Mindsplit
The fear that Gloria has toward accepting herself is instigated by morals and social-connotations around sexuality and specifically, within the role of a ‘divorced woman’ – however her example is and can be applied to any event in anyone’s lives wherein we feel ‘split in half’ when living out a happy-kind type of personality toward certain people – yet being absolutely apathetic, hostile and irritable when being absolutely alone – or even while being projecting a glowing smile and having the exact opposite experience in the inside. In Gloria’s case, the split is following a natural disposition to have sex and having this point of expression colliding with a previous lived role as a ‘spotless mother’ toward her children. These type of ‘splits’ exist because of us wanting to ‘cover up’ the real-deal that’s going on in our minds. And I say ‘real deal’ because if the nature of the human being was ‘benevolent,’ this world would not be the way it is at the moment.
Skhizein = to split – so that’s the basic nature that we are all living as– no need to use fancy labels upon our own ‘natural disposition’ to live as mind-systems caught between ‘our true nature’ and some honey syrup to cover it up. We realize that we can only correct our nature by becoming breathing-walking human beings that are able to direct ourselves in common sense.
What Gloria would have required to read is the following:
“Is the secret mind always visible or do we see it mostly too late? – It’s both – what is interesting with what we’ve done to ourselves is: WE KNOW EXACTLY what we do in moments in our minds – EXACTLY, we can see our mind run in front of us/within us as it moves, and we in no way stop, direct or change it – simply stand back and allow and in that it is ALWAYS VISIBLE and we always then want to change when it’s TOO LATE, when we see the consequence we’ve created through thoughts/words/deeds but then we get so swept up wanting to change consequence, without questioning the origin, how we created it in the first place: Ourselves” – Sunette Spies
I actually had quite a laugh today when listening to Anu explaining how we in our minds tend to judge any ‘negative thought’ and immediately throw in some heaps of positive thinking to make sure that we stay on the ‘bright side’ of the road. I can remember this very well, what a pity! lol – and yes there’s some British accent in my mind as I write it – because we definitely live in this eternal battle of having to be ‘positive’ and ‘optimistic’ about life, placing fake smiles just to seem agreeable – yet living in a perpetual schizophrenia because our mind, is essentially going the opposite way all the time.
I once thought that hypocrisy was only people ‘talking behind your back’ and then placing a smile when meeting you again. I never took the point back-to-self to see how I was being hypocritical toward myself when wanting to only see the ‘good stuff’ within me and leaving the ‘rough edges’ out of the internal play out when ‘seeing myself.’ Once again: Self Honesty is not nice or beautiful as Bernard Poolman said once, and that remained within me to realize that, all that I had hid from myself – because of ‘not wanting to be negative’- was in fact deliberately chopping off the reality of the actual experience that exists here as myself. It is not only ‘my mind’ that was preprogrammed that way… it is actually Me, the actual truth of myself.
And that, my fellow droogs, is something that may shock us to the core because it debunks any preferred idea and belief that we are benevolent beings ‘by nature’ all the way, and only ‘corrupted by the environment’ as someone through comments in one of my videos said today.
The point that is missed is that we are obviously the ones that created the environment – society is ourselves, and if we exist in constant denial of what exists within us as our own mind, chances are that guilt, remorse, shame and perpetual fear of even exposing such points to ourselves, will lead us to our very own death, because thinking and becoming emotional is ensuring that we remain as Consciousness Systems, using/ depleting the actual life that we contain in and as our physical body that is being burnt – breath by breath – to generate enough energy to transport all nutrients and oxygen throughout our veins. This is what we know and can see with our eyes – so we focus on realizing that every moment that we spend one single breath to fuel a life of self-torture, guilt, shame, fear, remorse and self-judgment: we stop and we breathe. We realize that we are abusing life in that moment as we are consuming the very life essence that we are, and using it to fuel perpetual mindfucks that serve no purpose other than keeping us very busy ‘up there’ in our mind, preventing us from taking a look at the rest of the world that is HERE as ourselves – a world that is built individual by individual, and that won’t change unless individual by individual take the necessary moments to establish a basic platform of self support to become Self Honest.
Can I be Real/ Genuine within a Relationship?
If Gloria had known of the Desteni I Process and dared herself to be Self-Honest about her experience, she would not have to be seeking answers from Carl Rogers for a solution that she realizes she is more than able and capable of pulling out- because she actually does say it throughout the therapy session. However, she allowed herself to create a dependency on a ‘doctor’ to solve her problems, while keeping stirring a storm in a glass of water because of her not wanting to accept such a natural aspect of human’s life like sexuality, and exercising it responsibly – which entails developing communication with her children about it from the get go. We are the only ones that allow a problem to become like a gigantic snowball the more that we procrastinate giving it proper direction.
See- we/ people tend to see problems only from the ‘tip of the iceberg’ perspective – we don’t like to actually take a deep breath, and submerge ourselves into the depths of the ocean of our minds to see what is the exact nature of the accumulation of these thoughts, emotions, feelings, experiences that we tend to continue ‘covering up’ and eventually only bursting out in an ‘unexpected way,’ as it becomes quite a stench once the stuff starts to rot within ourselves – it is a burden having to carry all that accumulated weight of the past, as secrets that actually require our own constant ‘sustenance’ to keep them well locked and hidden within our minds.
The point that psychology and psychologists have missed is that desire to still give ‘value’ and ‘place’ to human emotions as something that must be ‘accepted’ and only ‘treat’ on a surface value. At Desteni, the moment that we realize that: we are Not our thoughts, feelings and emotions from the perspective of Not being bound to ‘remain as that’ for the remainder of our lives, we recognize that there is a solution to stop living in perpetual guilt, fear, remorse and regret of what we have done.
How can Self Responsibility – such as being Self-Honest within communicating with your own children – be considered as something that could can piss anyone off? This is generational and family-like morals that definitely fucks-up people’s lives. It is unacceptable considering that we are talking about millions of families that undergo this situation, wherein children are not able to communicate about what they observe toward their parents, simply because parents become this nice façade to consider/ look at as ‘authority figures’ (read: fear) with no actual interaction and communication. That’s why parents then also fear communicating with their children about themselves and their actual experiences besides the host-like smiles and format-like questions – and in the end, this is only to our own detriment as society. Thus, it is in the best interest of all to establish solutions so that we may ALL consider the aspects that must be taken within Self Responsibility, in order to stop the past-cycles of being tormented by our own mind = by our own participation in the mind.
Becoming aware of hidden points – being listened by other/ being willing to listen to yourself.
Roger’s technique is cool from the perspective that he is allowing the person to come to their own conclusions and realizations wherein only some support is given – honesty is mentioned and realizations about ‘acceptance’ are discussed. However, because of HOW the mind works, we realize that these therapies work like a temporary placebo, wherein people may ‘fall back’ into their own patterns if not enough understanding and actual integration is practically walked by the person within a the context of Self-Responsibility.
Another point is that he eventually recognizes that he felt an ‘emotional empathy’ for the patient wherein even family roles are projected toward each other. I must be dead blunt about this, within my own mind that seemed like a sexual power play between Rogers and Gloria wherein this ‘bond’ is created throughout a session just because of the patient perceiving that the doctor is the only one that is able to ‘understand her’ and in that, if feelings are not Stopped and the discussion objectively directed to being that of self-support, it all could develop into something else, simply because we all know how the human mind works when it comes to these ‘irrational passion’ that comes up when there is a point of acceptance where there was ‘non perceived’ before. And this is part of the outflows that all ‘the.rapists’ must take into consideration to not allow themselves to be swayed by their own hormones throughout the session, if they are really willing to support another. The problem is that this ‘empathy’ within our current understanding is still seen as some type of ‘human condescendence’ when in fact, it’s still playing out the exact nature of our mind wherein we are all seeking our personal rewards and acceptance from others to make-up for the general self-rejection that we mostly live as throughout our lives.
We know that it is a popular cliché on how psychologists end up having affairs with their patients. I’m not here to judge it either – this is simply to place into perspective the type of stance and continual self-direction that is required to not get feelings involved when working with another human being if you are actually willing to support others as yourself. Hence the point here is how psychologists would require to FIRST sort out their own secret mind and establish Self-Honesty within themselves, to avoid misleading an actual session of ‘support’ by their own ‘feelings.’
Cool points to consider for any person that establishes points of communication within their world, as this is in the best interest of all:
Will I find myself praising/ caring for this person? Is preference tampering my ability to support another as equals within this process of Self-Support?
Are feelings and emotions acceptable within self support?
Is this an actual ‘separate’ person that I’m talking to?
Do I have to understand the inner world of the other person/ see through their eyes/ move around the world of their feelings so that I know what it’s like to be ‘them’?
Is expressing feelings beneficial within communication?
Is construing an experience out of a session of Self-Support actually Supportive?
I watched all parts of the Gloria case and there are several preferences, desires, ideas, nice pictures instilled by Rogers that must be stopped within the therapy in order for the beings to actually support each other – the questions placed above are to be pondered within Self-Honesty and common sense within the consideration that: we cannot base Self-Support by creating personal-bonds with the person based on feeling and emotional identification – that’s simply Not Supportive and in fact, can add up to being yet another ‘issue’ within a being’s life.
So, realize that we can prevent an entire world of ‘treating psychological malfunctions’ and instead, use the principle of Self-Honesty as the basic point of education throughout the developmental years of a human being’s life. Consider that Transparency is definitely not programmed as our mind to ‘Write ourselves,’ because that would lead to the person seeing-themselves and a potential ability to understand self-creation, which is what currently stands as a potential threat to break the status quo that, we as the mind, always seek to remain-as – incongruently so.
Thus within this fear, we are accepting and continuing the current accepted and allowed world system as the direct result of this individual process wherein we ‘fear’ looking at ourselves and face the consequences of our actions. We have to write out and let out the nature of our thoughts to place them ‘on the table’ and work with them through from the starting point of Self-Honesty to walk a process of Self-Correction. What the hell does that mean? That we realize that we Do Not Have to Remain in this perpetual state of guilt, fear, remorse and fear of ourselves as ‘who we are’ within our own minds and can In-Fact, Create and Script the reality that we Are willing to Live-as into eternity.
“The idea of privacy have only limited the ability to learn from each other to become self perfected within the context of this world. This shows very clearly in healthcare where the protection of information makes the effective prevention and treatment of disease very limited. If we could learn about the physical from each other in a self honest way, most accepted disorders we will find we can stop as some one else have already learned the lesson. By not sharing the lessons, we shoot ourselves in the foot.” –Bernard Poolman
Stop casting the Shadows with Light and Love
By the single realization that this whole mental mayhem is able to be stopped by our own will, a weight is lifted off. So, any ‘congruence’ that we want to establish toward ‘others’ must begin within ourselves toward ourselves first. How can we expect ourselves to be ‘genuine within a relationship’ with another human being if we are still fearing ourselves and the nature of our very own mind! Ludicrous – yet we have all lived this way until now and the only answer to ‘How can I be Real?’ then is walking the already mentioned process of Self-Support wherein No Therapists are Required other than your own will to face your own Secret Mind.
Placing this point within the ‘greater picture’: How have we taken the haughty position to demand an ‘honest and transparent system’ to our ‘authorities’ if we haven’t even dared to take this point within and toward ourselves!? Fascinating, we are all about abdicating and projecting responsibility toward anyone else but ourselves.
This world is the mirror of our secret mind – we are here to equalize ourselves as our own mind to then, be able to establish relationships of self-trust wherein I-self stand as an accountable being for my actions, words and deeds, making sure that whatever I create as myself, is directly faced as my creation and directed within the principle of what’s best for all life.
This is not to be fearful about the ‘shadows’ that we exist-as within our mind – both poles as light and dark define each other – therefore, it is to simply see that the ‘shadow’ exists in contrast of the love and lightful thinking. If we turn off the light, what remains is just ‘what is’ – no shades and no light – just beingness that we are able to shape/ mold and script to actually apply/live within our every day lives. Self-Forgiveness is the key to stop existing as Gloria in our minds, it is absolutely unnecessary and unacceptable to continue perpetuating this ‘victimization’ as humanity. This is our creation = we take responsibility for it.
“Identify within you – what you immediately suppress in fear when you think about it/ fantasize about it – whatever especially about YOU comes up about ‘who you are’ directly related to YOU and you think about it in the nature/context of fear – this you must write out, why do you fear this coming up, how was the fear about this point/part of you created etc. – it’s to release your fear relationships with what exist within you, then look at whether it can practically be lived in this world and you will find an interesting thing: NONE of it can – everything you’ve feared about the nature of you that comes up in you as been an illusion, you’ve always feared an illusion, and have never really stopped out of that illusion and redefined words for yourself to in fact LIVE” – Sunette Spies
“We are here to stop ego and birth life. This each one must do for oneself – no other can breathe for you, no other can self-realize for you. Thus: apply and test the tools in self-honesty and be/become your own living proof. However, due to the nature of ego, it is highly unlikely to self-realize alone – as feedback is required to make sure one do not lose oneself in the self-delusion matrices of one’s mind/ego. This (self-)support is what we are walking at Desteni (see also Forum), while we self-honestly investigate ourselves in the context of this whole world-system / mind-system that has nothing but atrocity and indignity left to give. Best to forgive – and start giving life back to life.” Bella Bargilly
Interviews for Self Support:
Desteni of Secrets: Your Self-Honesty guideline to begin to understand who and what we have existed as up to now and How to walk a process to stop our cycles of self-abuse and birth ourselves as living-words that create a world that’s best for all.
April 7th, 2012 at 8:52 pm
This is just Awesome!! Thanks Marlen!
April 7th, 2012 at 9:08 pm
Cool you Enjoyed! Cathy
April 8th, 2012 at 6:01 am
Awesome blog, thank you Marlen! I just shared this on Pinterest on my Self-Support board!
April 8th, 2012 at 10:02 am
Cool idea! Pinned as well. Thanks Bella
August 1st, 2012 at 1:26 pm
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