Day 6- Shame upon Separation

First of all, the extent to which I am realizing more and more everyday how we have separated ourselves from Ourselves as Life here has often pulled out reactions within me, which means that I have to first establish a point of clarity when realizing that: what is done is done, and cannot be ‘reversed’ as in going back in time and having decided not to manifest the consequences that are here as ourselves and this world.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience guilt, remorse and regret when realizing the extent to which we have literally mindfucked ourselves into an absolute oblivion in separation of life, and how we have evolved in complicating and double-layering our relationships of the mind as ‘who we are. ‘


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience helplessness when realizing that this all could have been ‘stopped’ at some point if we could have realized the equality and oneness that has always been here.  I realize that at this moment such ‘longing for the past’ is simply irrelevant – what I can do continuing learning and educating myself about how I have come to be what I currently am, to establish the certainty of who I am and within that certainty, live it and structure my life according to it,  making sure this time that I do not ever recreate what we have already done as our past as the manifested consequence that is here.


When and as I see myself listening to the explanations of the extent of separation and find myself reacting in regret, guilt, shame, helplessness – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am in no way making any difference by compounding any form of energetic experience toward it – it’s the other way around: I hear, I see, I realize, I understand and I take myself as the necessary point that requires to be educated on how this creation came to be what it is now, as it is my creation that I must take Self Responsibility from here on.


This implies that any inkling of remorse, guilt, shame and any iota of emotional ‘movement’/ experience toward what I hear, I am able to direct as a point of immediate understanding on what requires to be done, instead of continuing any participation in the mind as emotions of guilt, remorse, shame and helplessness toward myself and this world.


I am instead grateful for being able to educate myself this time on the workings of existence and my participation in it, so that I can see in my face that which I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become, in separation of everything and all.


It is unacceptable to continue creating further friction and experiences within myself UPON the explanations of how I came to this current experience wherein I am simply able to STOP all judgment toward myself and everyone else as this constant irritation and projected ‘disgust’ toward all of humanity which is only reflecting my own disgust, anger and shame for what I accepted and allowed myself to be and become.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project blame and anger onto others without taking responsibility for it as my creation, but instead believing that ‘I have the right to be angry’ which became a trademark that I accepted as a statement that I applied for myself.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel shame for having disregarded life, without realizing that such shame is still self-interest as it is a mind-generated experience wherein I am only considering ‘my experience’ toward the realizations that are here for me to face.


Thus I stop all self-interested generated experience when and while listening to interviews and the explanation upon our own self-accepted and allowed enslavement as separation from life, to see and realize that I did this to myself and that whatever comes up within my own mind, I must take self responsibility for. I cannot, in any way whatsoever, continue creating experiences UPON that which should be taken as facts, as manifested consequence that do no require my emotional input onto it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an inner experience of bewilderment when realizing, seeing and understanding the extent to which I have separated myself from everything that is here, and within this, creating the experience of being actually a tiny-bit, a spec of nothingness which is a reverse form of ego to believe that I cannot ‘do this’ because I am ‘too little’ to do something about this reality and existence, without realizing that I am proving to myself that it is possible to start integrating myself as a physical body and stop any reactions to knowledge and information which is only reacting to myself, as my creation, as the knowledge and information that I have made up as ‘more’ than myself.


I realize that when and as I allow myself to stop being defined by knowledge and information, an opportunity to expands and break the patterns here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself through words that indicate an energetic experience such as shame, guilt, remorse and keeping a grudge toward myself for having accepted and allowed it, which makes no sense! There is no point in now reacting to what I’m seeing and realizing now. I am in fact grateful that I can be aware of this all now, and the only point that is left is for me to commit myself to live a LIFE wherein self-creation is existing in the consideration of All beings, all existence as who I am here equal and one.


I realize that’s a ‘big statement’ but I realize that without having this particular holistic perspective, I tend to lose ‘sight’ at the moment upon what it is that I am in fact walking here, which stems directly from the eqafe interviews. This is then what I integrate as a precondition to all my actions, words and deeds wherein I make sure that I stand as an example of what is possible to be and become when living words that are here to support myself and all as life in equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my statement as ‘too elevated’ – when In Fact I realize that I had lived a life of diminishing myself ‘on purpose’ to stick to a ‘normalcy’ between what I have deemed as mediocrity and the ‘middle way’ as the ‘constant’ that is able to be found within my world as human beings that do not ‘give all,’ but always ‘give the least’ in order to just remain ‘surviving’ in the system.


I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create myself as a middle-way which certainly has no space in this reality wherein everything must stand absolute – therefore, I stop all diminishment in fear of ‘placing myself in a high expectancy’ which is not so if I am in fact just committing myself to be here in every moment directing my words, thoughts, deeds to create and manifest in my reality that which is best for all – and this is the entire process that I have committed myself to  – thus there cannot be a point of self-doubt in that, as self-doubt can only exist if I want to ‘trust myself’ as Knowledge, which is not the point.


I realize that what I am,who I am here as constancy and consistency of life cannot be diminished, cannot be subjugated unless I allow so by my own caging in a mind frame that thrives on friction as myself, as my words, as that constant state of mind projected onto others to justify my own mediocrity and middle-path life that I have lived.

I see, realize and understand that there are no middle ways in life, there is no way that I can continue half-walking and still allowing me back doors to satisfy my senses. It is that very satisfaction and fleeting moments that have lead myself as this creation to get to the point and extent that we are facing currently.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my words here as ‘elevated’ without realizing that I am not aiming to anything ‘above’ myself, this is about self-realizing-self to the extent that I had never ever considered could be possibly for myself here, thus I stop any judgment toward the realizations that are within the understanding of the extent of separation I am existing as  and the extent to which we have to establish this principle of living as ‘who I am’ and not something that ‘I have to do’ as a forced act.


I stand as the integrity that realizes that Life Must Be Equal in all ways beginning with myself, and if I am that point that takes this stand, I direct myself to do so in the best way possible that I see and realize I am able to do HERE –


No middle grounds, no dimensional shifts, I stop participating in wanting to ‘skip the pages’ to get to the end, but instead make sure that I go integrating, walking, writing myself, forgiving myself and giving myself proper direction whenever any reaction comes up to the realization of what it is in fact that I am walking as this process here.


There’s no time to fuck around any longer – that’s done and any remorse for having abdicated my writing in the past, I forgive myself for it and make sure that I do not ever go back into the same cycles of apathy toward writing and scripting myself as I see and realize this is Not a matter of preference, but a matter of principle wherein what must be done is not even a decision I can ‘make for myself’ if I understand and realize that it is the law of my being, the law that I have violated in the most atrocious ways possible.


I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react to the word ‘violated’ within a sense of absolute guilt and remorse when realizing the extent to which we have raped life – I recognize that I am the rapist, the abuser, the violator, the corruptor of life and that judging myself for it makes no difference. I stop and direct myself to stand and ensure such violation ends HERE in every moment that I am able to remain breathing, stopping all desires, wants and needs that preoccupy my mind and direct myself in the simplicity of breathing to continue first grounding myself as the physical body, which is showing and revealing to me to what extent I had lived as an automated robot, abusing it and creating innumerable rifts within me within the slightest emotional and energetic reaction that I allowed myself to participate in.


I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body to such an extent that I could not even feel and experience what my thoughts were doing to it and how uncomfortable it is to participate in emotions and feelings as well. It is like a poison like the sugar rush that is also violating the natural stance of my human physical body and forcing it to work in such an over stimulated way that it’s like giving drugs to a horse to race – it is unacceptable.


I commit myself to stop all regret and shame that comes when reading, hearing and realizing what I have done and what I have become as this entire world of separation where life has been sold in the name of our self-interest, separating self-interest from the best interest of all as how it always should have been.


I stop any inkling of disgust toward myself as a human being and toward others as humans beings, as I see, realize and understand that we are all responsible and all together within this, wherein we have the opportunity to finally Create a world that is best for all.


I stop and I breathe in any moment that I see myself going into the least reaction when hearing, realizing and understanding the extent of separation I’ve created toward myself and this world as myself, as my creation.


I allow myself to walk in humbleness within the realization that what is done is done, and I can only commit myself to stand as the solution and walk the correction required to stop this nonsense that I have accepted and allowed myself to become as this entire world and existence wherein I have abdicated life for a mind experience.


I ground myself as the physical that is here certainly pushing me to breathe otherwise, it feels as if I am inert.




About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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