Within the procrastination point and seeing the number 180 reminded me of a half circle when it comes to degrees, and I see that one of the aspects that I have to take into consideration is how I reach a point within and while doing something where I simply suddenly just not follow through with it. This implies that I begin writing and then, the mind-imperialism over physical reality is allowed within me, creating enough excuses as to why I don’t want to ‘follow through’ with something.
And this is a ‘branch’ stemming from procrastination wherein during the moment that we are doing it, I simply decide that ‘it’s enough for now, let’s leave the rest for later/ tomorrow…’ and in that moment, I have actually made a decision based on any other point that will create a ‘better experience’ other than the aforementioned backchat in the ‘negative realm’ of experiences – which was disclosed in the previous blog 179. Apathy as result of High Expectations and instead go into the positive and think about all the ‘other things I should rather be doing.
– This is enough for now I rather leave the rest for later when I am more ‘feeling’ like I’m more suitable for it.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow and hold the backchat of ‘I rather save the rest for later’ when it comes to finishing a task or assignment – within this allowing me to create the experience and reaction of being ‘stuck’ with it, not knowing how to ‘follow through with it’ without realizing that these are just excuses and justifications in order to actually go and do that ‘something else’ that I have defined as a more suitable thing to do/ something I would rather do instead of continuing with my task.
When and as I see myself reacting in an experience of being ‘stuck’ with my writing and not knowing ‘how to follow through with it’ as backchat – I stop and I breathe – In such moments I can simply go back, read what I am writing, ensure that I bring the point back to ‘here’ that I began with, see where I am required to give it direction in terms of ‘following through with it’ and simply continue writing, as I see and realize that within the acceptance and allowance of this ‘stuckness’ as a real obstacle to not continue, I allow an emotional experience to dictate who I am in the moment of writing and getting my assignment/ task done – therefore,
I commit myself to breathe, read again what I am writing in order to continue up to the point where I stop and see what it is that I in fact faced in such moment that I decided to stop, apply self forgiveness for the decision to stop and the excuse that I gave in order to stop and within this assess in common sense how to continue doing the task or if it is in fact time to dedicate myself to my other tasks during the day.
Within this, the consideration of not wanting to do it all at once to ‘get over with it’ is required, in order to not make it an energetic drive to ‘get past the obstacle/ get it done as fast as possible’ which would also be going to the extreme where no actual self support is considered.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with immediate disposition to instead of writing going out for a walk, going to check out something else online instead of continuing doing the writing, which indicates that I am seeking to create a positive experience in the moment instead of doing the writing as the particular task/ assignment done, without realizing that the moment that I believe that I require a particular ‘drive’ to write is also enslaving myself to only write when ‘I feel like it’ which is beginning the writing with an impetus of positivity and then slowly but surely decaying into a ‘low’ that I then seek to step out by doing that ‘something else’ that I have defined as a positive experience, wherein I then react with a physical opening and dissipation of all heaviness experienced when ‘hitting the low’ at the moment of writing.
Thus, when and as I see myself coming up with something better to do and creating a positive experience such as immediate disposition to go out and be ‘steadfast’ for it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I don’t require an energetic input to get things done and that I cannot continue dividing tasks based on ‘how I feel’ about them, as this is the very indication that I am not being the directive principle, but instead I am allowing energy to be the decision maker within this.
I commit myself to continue writing and doing what I have established and decided to do in a moment without participating in thoughts that lead me to assess the moment as either a positive or negative experience, as I see and realize that writing is just me moving fingers on top of keys and that’s it – there is no requirement for a particular impetus/ drive or even motivation outside of myself to do so.
– “I don’t know how to follow through with this”
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being ‘stuck’ to continue writing and apparently ‘not knowing how to follow through’ which is a common limitation and restriction that I have imposed onto myself and my physical doing of writing as a mind experience wherein I believe that I required ‘some information’ to continue going, without realizing that all is actually already here and that I do not require to ‘get something outside of myself’ to continue – which is a common belief that I have participated in order to then just stop doing the writing and shift to a ‘better thing to do,’ leaving aside the task that must be done.
When and as I see myself believing that I require some information to continue going and within this create the experience of being ‘stuck’ within the writing in itself, I stop and I breathe – I realize that all that I require is already here as myself and as such, I stop participating in the thoughts that lead me to ‘better do something else’ and direct myself to continue living the word determination wherein I have agreed to complete that which I begin as part of the physical movement and realization that all the focus that I require is attention into this particular point to walk it to its completion and diligence as a persistent and continuous application to continue working on what I am already doing, such as writing, and stopping the need and desire to do something ‘better’ or ‘more fulfilling’ which is indicating that I am only seeking for a positive experience in my mind, which is not acceptable.
I commit myself to ‘remind’ myself as a point of support how I can only create an experience in my mind of ‘being stuck’ because of an actual desire to do something that is more ‘fulfilling’ at an energetic level – thus I stop and continue giving myself physical direction, breath by breath as the focus and diligence that I have committed myself to live as part of the realization that who I am is constantly here as breath, and that this – along with my physical requirements to continue living – are the basic sustenance required in order for me to ‘follow through’ with my writing/ assignment/ task to be done.
Next post I’ll explore an ‘ideal’ state that I have discovered I have programmed in my mind as the ‘suitable conditions/ environment’ for me to write, which then become obviously an excuse to within not meeting this ‘requirement’ as the ‘suitable moment/ conditions to write,’ I simply continue procrastinating because of not meeting ‘my needs’ within it.
to be continued…
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