191. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination– Self Correction

 

Consequences within the Procrastination Character – Self Corrective Statements and Commitments

This is  a continuation to: 189. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination – Self Forgiveness from the day October 21, 2012

When and as I see myself experiencing anger and irritation toward my own neglect and deliberate brushing off of responsibilities that I’ve committed myself to do – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I don’t require to add a layer of emotional turmoil to that which is required to be done and given direction to in physical reality.

I commit myself to stop participating in anger and this is a process – yes – as I see and realize that the anger that I have exerted toward something/ someone outside of myself are stemming from me only and that it is Never about others. (Listen to the Quantum Mind series Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 22+23)

Thus I realize that anything could trigger this experience within me as it is in fact only me being angry at myself for not having corrected/ given direction to points within my world and reality wherein any point can become a trigger point to exert my own creation toward my own actions/ inactions.

 

When and as I see myself creating a rush about things, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I cannot move faster than the physical space time and within that, it is pointless to create a rush within me to direct/ move/ sort out things which is actually an energetic input stemming as a direct consequence to my own parsimony toward the time required for the task that I have neglected.

 

When and as I see myself recriminating myself for not having done something over time, I stop and I breathe – I realize that creating an experience of anger and irritation about the time spent having remain ‘stuck’ within one point, is further mind possession that requires a physical direction in the moment, which I suggest is writing it out in order to see how I can practically stop the emotional turmoil and give myself proper direction which implies, breathing, stabilizing  myself and then continuing with the task that must be done.

I commit myself to work closely with my emotional reactions to ensure that I am not  using Self Forgiveness as a way to exert the emotions without giving it immediate self direction, as that would obviously nullify the point of Self Forgiveness.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out/ exert my anger toward the world because of my own procrastination and unresolved points that I Know I have to direct, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within exerting my own unresolved points toward others is abdicating my responsibility and further victimization wherein I see that this is a pattern that I also learned from what I saw at home and developed myself which just emerged here as I write – so through self forgiveness first:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within being angry and irritated for things not going ‘my way’ exert such anger toward others so that others in that moment could also be aware of my anger and even wanting to deliberately affect them with my anger so that I am actually creating a point of power over others through making them react in fear toward my anger/ become angry themselves, wherein the experience is then only fueled without any correction but simply wanting to deliberately make others angry/ experience the same I was experiencing, which reveals to what extent when there is no self-awareness of what we are in fact accepting and allowing to exist within us, we lash out our experience toward others without caring how it is affecting others – within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider how my own anger affects others and how I am in fact responsible not only for myself, but for the experience that I instigate deliberately in a seemingly non-conscious manner toward others, without realizing that it is obviously done with the intention of others ‘feeling my anger’ in order for me to then justify my experience and within this, through anger, getting myself back to a positive experience when saying ‘I had a reason to be angry’ which is not acceptable in any way.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to deliberately lash out my anger toward others in order to have an effect on them and within this, have a form of power and control through them reacting in fear – I obviously stop and I breathe – I realize that others noticing that I am angry will in fact only fuel my own anger and irritation which is something that I have to sort out/ deal with/ correct within myself only – and that wanting others to be directly affected by my experience is in fact abdicating my responsibility to the points that I have to work with myself.

Thus I realize that anger in itself is another form of self manipulation to try and have others commiserating to my own negligence and in this case, procrastination, instead of realizing that every consequence must be faced here, directly in stability and within this understanding that me exerting anger is only perpetuating the cycles of self-abuse and indirectly seeking to involve others within my experience, which is plain evil.

I commit myself to stop my impulse to exert anger toward others in order for them to be aware that ‘there’s something going on with me’ which is plain manipulation in order to be able to involve others in my own experience, which is not acceptable as this is my process, my responsibility and within this, I cannot allow myself to perpetuate and externalize that which I have created for myself and through myself only.

This is how I can practically ensure that I stop creating division and wars in our world as I see that the moment that we externalize any point of friction with a deliberate desire to have others participate in it my experience, is another form of validating the experience in itself, which is not acceptable at all.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to rush things now because of having procrastinated them for a while, I stop and I breathe – I realize that now rushing to ‘get it done’ is not a self-honest way of living and it’s not what I would want myself to be and become only to ‘get the task/project done’ in a middle/ half-assed way – thus I ensure that I make the necessary arrangements in my world and reality to walk this point till its completion as it is my responsibility and point to direct/ solve/ sort out within the absolute understanding that creating further experiences about it is useless to create a solution, therefore only a waste of time.

 

I commit myself to understand that those projects/ tasks that I commit myself to walk, are part of that which I have decided to do as an extension/ expression of ourselves. This implies that getting things done just to ‘get by’ is only a dishonest expression of myself that I would certainly not want myself to express as, nor others for that matter.  This is to realize that the commitment to walk a point of responsibility implies the realization that I am here to correct the patterns that I lived thus far that are not self-supportive and within this, my deeds/ words are the direct physical and tangible proof of any form of self correction I am committing myself to. Thus I take equal responsibility for what I have committed myself to do and that are all equally part of the responsibilities that I have taken on in my life.

 

When and as I see myself equating life to ‘getting things done’ as only being a production machine, qualifying my life according to tasks to get done in order to define ‘who I am’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that tasks, projects and points that I have decided to do and take responsibility for are points that I have agreed to do as part of my own living-experience within the world system and within my own process  – within this, it is to realize that committing myself to do something is actually designating the necessary time to do it, as I realize that not doing so, creates consequences for myself and everyone else involved .

 

Within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how my own actions/ inactions would also affect others wherein even if I knew that I had to do it, I simply didn’t do it. So this is part of me having to realize how every point of procrastination can be linked to individual moments of deciding to do ‘something else/ something that made me feel good about myself’ instead of doing what I was requiring to do.

When and as I see myself only considering me and my own consequences when not doing something deliberately – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the responsibility that I’ve taken on is not only toward myself but anyone else involved. Thus, I take responsibility for myself, my actions/ inactions and the consequential outflow they create toward others and reality as a whole.

 

When and as I see myself creating an experience upon getting more responsibilities, I stop and I breathe –I realize that getting any sort of anxiety or stress about it does not solve the point, will not allow me to work ‘better’ through it. It is a single physical point wherein I can instead focus on considering the task to bet done, assess it throughout some time to see how I can fit in all that must be done within my schedule and according to testing it out for some time, assess whether I am capable of doing it nor not. This is to then not further compromise myself with projects/ tasks to be done without having an actual living-physical decision to actually do it. Within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to face the consequence of not getting things done based on taking on other responsibilities and deliberately knowing that I was neglecting this other task that I must get done no matter what, eventually ending up procrastinating due to my desire to be able to ‘keep up’ with everything  and have time for it all, without realizing that in this I am only doing so as a point of compromise which is based on not wanting to let others down about my participation in things, which is something that I have to consider without the image/ role point that I have created of myself, and instead for this moment until I get this major task done, to consider how it is necessary for me to focus on my reality responsibilities before continuing developing any other points.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to take further points/ responsibilities without considering the ones that I am deliberately ignoring and leaving behind, yet knowing that I have to do them anyways – I stop and I breathe – I have to make a very cold decision in every moment that I agree to participate in something, as I realize that each decision implies a responsibility and a consequences and that I would not want for myself/ nor others to take several points and eventually not dedicating myself to them in every moment, but being rushing to do it, which is not cool at all.

I commit myself to assess in a very conscious manner the decisions I make in order to taken on projects, responsibilities and tasks when I have one single point that is being procrastinated/ not done and requires immediate attention.

I commit myself to ‘remind’ me of the consequential outflow of having procrastinated something wherein one does not know how such procrastination will create an eventual consequence wherein that one single ‘lagging point’ determines our reality and our very own internal stance toward ourselves and everything that we participate in.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to blame others for my own experience, I stop and I breathe –I realize that I must stop at all times exerting my experience toward others as I am the only one that must work with anger and irritation toward myself. Thus

I commit myself to stop reacting and blaming others for my own experience, being it music in the outside or people making noises – I realize that when I am here as breath, these points are not able to affect who I am. Thus every moment from here on when I see myself making a big deal out of an external aspect apparently ‘tampering’ my ability to direct myself effectively, I stop and I breathe – and I instead investigate how I have created this irritation and annoyance based on my own actions/ inactions within my world and reality according to tasks/ points that must be done and my physical direction to them.

 

I commit myself to stop becoming a demon in itself when it comes to being angry and irritated within myself toward myself due to what I have done/ not done as myself and exerting it upon others, as I see and realize that my starting point of doing so is that of wanting to get a positive experience for having others react to my own emotional state, which is a rather evil way of getting myself to a positive state and justify the anger and experience because at the eyes of others is apparently ‘okay’ for me to be angry and frustrated, even though I realize that the moment that I see in their eyes a point of fear and powerlessness toward my own anger, I get myself back to a positive experience because at least I have made others equally angry/ unstable as I am.

 

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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