Continuing with the Elitist Character
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to benefit from friendships and people in my environment that were in better economic positions than myself in order to enjoy their lifestyle when being at their house, even though sometimes I was not being comfortable around the people themselves, but simply held onto it because of wanting to ‘be in the place but not with the people,’ which indicates a level of compromise that I essentially manipulated myself to be and become in order to have a taste of ‘the good life’ that I perceived I didn’t have, which became only a point that I became aware of through other people since I had the necessary to live at home and lived ‘well’ – however not being used to being ‘spoiled’ and having certain ‘luxuries’ that I could have access to through other people as friends and their family that were ‘more wealthy’ than mine – within this
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and my experience based on the picture presentation of the place I am in, the comfort and luxuries I can have access to wherein I actually ‘fear’ becoming so used to it when I have to go back to my house and realize that ‘my position is not as good as theirs,’ and within that, create a dissonance in my own experience according to the place I live in, the general economic position that is not as ‘wealthy’ as I wished it to be – and in that, create a point of inferiority and dissatisfaction within my self as my ‘beingness’ which indicates the level of self-manipulation I have accepted and allowed to exist within me based on ‘where I am’ and ‘with whom I am’ and allow that to determine myself and my every moment of not being here breathing, but rather limiting myself according to what I ‘see’ and ‘experience’ which are all aspects that relate to ‘who I am as the mind’
When and as I see myself determining my beingness according to the picture presentation of the place I am being in and the people around me and define it as either ‘less than’ or ‘more than’ my own house and living condition – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment I allow a picture presentation and the environment to define who I am within myself, I am being subject to energy and reducing my breathing-moment of physically being here to only a good or bad experience as a the positive or negative that I had defined according to a superior or inferior position based on the amount of money one can have and experience oneself in – according to that which money can buy. I direct myself to remain breathing here as a physical living being that is self directive and not defined by pictures or people around me as all I realize that I am in this moment is here, as my physical body, as breath in stability.
When and as I see myself going into inferiority when experiencing myself in an environment with luxuries and ‘wealth’ and go into an inferiority mode about it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that it is all just part of the physical reality that is here and that any form of ‘moreness’ only exist as the value that we have accepted and allowed money to have in order to create such places/conditions for only a few human beings. Thus I direct myself to equalize myself to the physical reality that is nor positive or negative in itself, as these are all only human conditions imposed on the physical due to how our current monetary system functions.
I commit myself to equalize myself to the physical reality wherein the lie as the make-up ideals and beliefs imposed onto physicality stemming from the power we have given and created our current monetary system as, is seen as the point of inequality and abuse it represents, wherein all the majestic picture presentations of reality are mostly built upon abuse, which is unacceptable then to praise as ‘more than ourselves’ in any way whatsoever.
The point that emerges here is how for example we see things like ‘the great wall of China’ as something marvelous and majestic, however how many slaves had to give up their lives to build it, how many people had to literally give their entire physical force to build it and make it a reality. The same with all the great architecture of ancient times that we ponder as marvelous relics in this world, wherein we are not seeing the actual suffering and sweat spent in every single brick placed in such ‘astonishing constructions’ – and this is the principle to consider and apply to everything else that is deliberately built to imprint a point of power/ ownership and control even through constructions, houses, institutions, federal buildings, old castles, universities or entire cities that are built as the epitome of power and control in order to make a tangible representation of the amount of wealth/ money such country/ person has, which instead of being revered as something great, it should be recognized as the point of abuse it actually means.
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to learn that I had to be ‘impressed’ by everything that ‘shines as gold’ and that represents having lots of money such as big houses, lots of cars, nice clothes, lots of toys, being able to travel and stay and eat in expensive places wherein the entire consideration of a ‘good life’ was imprinted within me as something that I had to ‘aim to’ and that one could only aspire to obtain through working hard – within this, becoming used to focusing on ‘fulfilling my elitist way of living’ in a future, instead of actually realizing or even considering how it is that only a few of us were being trained to become the ‘elite’ in terms of aspiring to get a higher position in society, while there were kids working on the streets with their parents because of barely having anything to eat. Within this not taking into consideration how I live and participate in a world wherein not everyone is being supported equally which implies that who we are as physical beings should aspire and actually commit ourselves to establish a world system that can support all beings equally.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be moved by my self interest to experience myself in a position of power/ wealth when and while visiting ‘friends’ and remaining within such relationships and friendships just because of being able to go biking in the area they lived in, or jump in their trampoline, be spoiled with watching movies and playing video games that I didn’t have, or dolls that I never got as well as a general over-protection that I considered such families to give to their kids, wherein I became resentful toward my parents for not giving me ‘as much as’ I saw other parents gave to their children, which is an indication of how I essentially valued more the material aspects and that which is self-interest based than an actual sense of ‘moderation’ and common sensical administration of our day to day living at home, which meant not going over the top with any form of luxury or ‘spoiling’ the children with lots of material stuff as we learned how to simply make things work with what we had which was actually precisely the necessary items and food and requirements – though, because I would see and witness these ‘over the top’ situations in other homes, I desired to have the life of others and within that, become judgmental about my house, my parents, my financial situation and later on desiring to be part of such elitist lifestyle, leading to an eventual downfall onto the opposite and creating further disparities Just because of wanting to experience myself in a positive manner when being in ‘wealthy environment.’
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to manipulate myself and convince me of remaining within friendships and relationships that signified a point of ‘collateral financial convenience’ wherein part of the friendship became me being able to be granted gifts, and going out to eat in expensive places, and ride in luxurious cars and have people paying for my bill and experiencing myself in their houses and so forth, wherein I experienced a sense of fulfillment for having all these things, while neglecting and brushing aside the actual relationship that I was cultivating with such people being mostly ‘accepted and allowed’ as in it not being in an equal and one stand of self support, but mostly compromised myself to remain in such relationships due to valuing everything that ‘they had given me’ as something that I had to ‘pay back for,’ which implies remaining friends with them even though clear points of abuse or manipulation were existing from both sides – I would remain within it out of fear of being seen as ‘ungrateful’ due to all the benefits that I had gotten from such specific family and friend.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my relationships as something that I ‘enjoy’ based on the amount of money I could have access to through them in a collateral way – wherein I would be invited to tag along and experience what it is to have ‘more money’ than what I had and eventually becoming used to a point of luxury and comfort in my reality that I didn’t practically own, which became a reason in the back of my head to just maintain the relationships so that I could keep on benefitting from the comfort and luxury, which is plain manipulative and an indicator of how we are willing to ‘sell ourselves’ in order to have some material benefits in our lives.
I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to recognize how I had also been driven by my blatant self interest to ‘move’ myself within relationships and friendships in my life , wherein I would mostly seek to remain having some form of benefit while being with them which I obviously came to ‘fear losing’ if losing/ stopping the relationship, which is what eventually had to happen in order for me to face myself alone and at home and realizing everything that I had placed value/ worth upon in separation of myself and a relationship with Me first instead of seeking to be satisfied through material aspects and relationships that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘follow through with’ even if they weren’t self supportive at all.
I realize that following self interest implies a level of self abuse, because we are not aware of who or what we are dismissing, neglecting, shoving aside and deliberately ignoring in order to only focus on that which makes us ‘happy’ and ‘positive’ which in this world, cannot exist without the negative and the abusive aspect of our reality.
Thus, when and as I see myself valuing a relationship based on the benefits I will get from a certain place or situation I will be in while being in such relationship – I stop and I breathe – I realize that establishing relationships out of convenience is not the way to go within this world and that at all times, I have to ensure that I am not compromising myself for a ‘better experience’ in my reality based on having ‘more money’ – I realize that who I am cannot be determined by the external factors of a ‘nice picture to look at’ or conditions that are defined as luxury – I remain constant and consistent no matter where I live and who I am living with, which indicates that all relationships and decisions I establish within my life must consider money only as a practical requirement in order to buy the necessary to live, and that the amount thereof as in having ‘more’ than what is required cannot imply a point of positive experience within me – nor the lack of it create a negative experience within me, as I would then be subject to money as a determining factor to who I am, instead of focusing on money as a single point that we currently require to buy that which enables us to live.
When and as I see myself seeking only to satisfy my convenience of being with particular people in particular places wherein I am only considering my well being as in my personal enjoyment of the place and the people according to the amount of money ‘running’ in the place – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to consider doing with money that which benefits all beings equally in the particular environment we are in, wherein the point of self interest only exists as a consideration of what is best for ALL beings equally – therefore I direct myself to ensure that I am participating in an adequate manner within an environment wherein I am not taking ‘more’ than what I need,nor am I lacking what I need which would imply also a reversed for m of ‘guilt’ toward my inherent desire to ‘have more than what I have’ – thus I equalize myself to consider having that which I require to live and stick to practicality at all times with regards to my relationship with money.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to when I realized at some point that I was being a self-interested person with regards to my reality, try and prove myself otherwise by establishing relationships that did not involve obtaining any form of material benefit, going to the extreme opposite of then compromising my own money and support ‘for others’ and within this, trying to play the savior toward then and trying to make people happy the same way that I had perceived myself to be ‘made happy’ when people could give me gifts and share their ‘wealth’ with me – not realizing that I was trying to ‘make up for’ my self interest by now giving to others and eventually compromising myself and my relationship with others based on wanting to ‘give’ and creating a polarized relationship in terms of support which became unsustainable and another point to recriminate the other being about in the end, in terms of how at this point in our lives the money factor does matter in terms of establishing an equal and one agreement to support ourselves instead of wanting to only have one side of the relationship doing it all, as I’ve seen and realized to what level we compromise ourselves whenever we are not supporting ourselves independently.
When and as I see myself trying to ‘give’ to others that may not have money as a way to ‘make them happy’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that deep inside I am trying to ‘clear myself’ from having been self-interested in the past without realizing that who I ma here is not defined by the past any longer, nor do I have to ‘make up for it’ in order to become a ‘better person.’ I can simply direct myself to be supportive for myself and others without any form of compromise on a monetary level as I see and realize that we still live in a world wherein the best point for each one is to be able to fend for ourselves and create relationships/ agreements based on an equal participation to do so, as I am aware of the type of consequences and further play-outs when one of the sides within the relationship is compromised with the other at a monetary level, leading to inequality and a disruption in the relationship even if the communication and support is stable, if money becomes a problem then there is no way to solve it with ‘support and understanding.’ lol
I realize that we have to be very practical at this stage wherein we still depend on money to survive – and within this realizing that having enough to live in a dignified manner is sufficient as I am proving myself now. However in my current situation, I see and realize that I am also denying certain things based on me wanting to ‘clear up my act’ from the past wherein I actually feared becoming so used to luxury that I would become greedy just to be able to sustain my ‘lifestyle,’ which means that whenever I am restricting myself of something such as buying something for myself or a different meal, I am actually acting out of guilt and remorse, which is not necessary – thus
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to refrain from buying something for myself and some ‘practical enjoyment’ like some meal, based on this idea of me not wanting to get used to ‘luxuries’ which is almost like wanting to get used to ‘living with the least’ just in case I have to live that way the rest of my life, which is then living within a future expectation of not having enough money to live and denying my current possibility to do so in a moderate manner of course, and within this stopping the guilt and ‘clearing up act’ toward my past and my own fears of desiring to become an elitist person at all cost, which is why I was pretty much enfilading myself toward that realm of society in my early life years. Until the dream was torn apart – lol.
When and as I see myself refraining from giving something to myself/ buying something practical for me within the belief that I cannot ‘get used to luxuries’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that I tend to go to the extremes of first wanting to have luxuries then denying and even criticizing them, which is not the point here I mean, If and when I have the ability to give myself a treat, I allow myself to do that instead of now playing the victim of my own mind as in having been ‘greedy’ in the past and now trying to redeem myself from playing this ‘poverty bow’ that is not necessary as that would also be creating a positive experience within me out of ‘refraining’ from buying me something and becoming a ‘good being’ in my mind – thus I stop all self manipulation and direct myself to consider the practicality of spending money on this/that point for myself and as such make a decision based on the practicality of the expense and my ability to give myself something for a change and that’s it. Not making it ‘more’ than myself or fearing that I will later on want ‘more’ of it, lol, which would indicate only mind control about it.
I commit myself to begin valuing myself as life in every moment and accordingly stop defining ‘who I am’ based on the past or the future, and instead become used to considering the current present moment as what I am willing to give to myself and others in equality – which implies creating a moderation with regards to my relationship to money and within that, ensure that whatever I decide is always in the consideration of what is best for all in Equality. I realize that in order to live these words a point of measure is required wherein I am considering the practicality and consequential outflow of the decisions upon and with regards to money according to an actual requirement of that which must be bought and be aware of buying out of ‘buying’ which I have stopped significantly though, to a point that can be considered as ‘denying/ suppressing/ refraining’ which is not acceptable either.
This will certainly continue –
Mind control stops here:
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Must Hear Interviews related to Racism, Skin Color, the Elite and body designs in order to STOP the Inequality based on the physical aspect of our body.
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