232. Being Late Makes you Anxious?

 

Anxiety can be made into a ‘mental disorder’ that you then can be prescribed to take some drugs to ‘alleviate’ it according to what psychiatrists can asses in their attempt to only feed drugs to get some money – which is what I am here to suggest you stop opting for and consider that there is a way in which one can support oneself to actively physically participate in tracing back the points wherein one has generated the most anxiety and as such, walk through a process to take Self Responsibility for the anxiety experience.

Here I share my own within a simple event: fearing being late

 

Continuing from:

 

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements on the Event that would  instigate quite a lot of anxiety to go out from my house with other people.

(from the previous entry) Event: going out with my parents and sisters and getting ready to leave. My father is waiting for us at the entrance hall looking up the stairs to wait for everyone to come. Women getting ready to leave /fixing hair, clothes, makeup or anything else normal to do when going out, there’s noises of hair dryers, heels, lots of shuffling around and talking. I am near my father and ready to leave  – because I had discussed and realized through an entire mind construct how I was more ‘in tune’ with my father in order to oppose my mother and in a way also being more ‘responsible’ apparently for being ready when the time was here.

Fear Dimension:  Father getting angry for everyone not being on time

-Being like ‘any other woman’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my fear of people getting angry for not being on time in arranged meetings/schedules and within this, generate anxiety to get to a certain place on time while rushing in the physical trying to ‘make it on time’ which is mostly wanting to remain within the personality of ‘being punctual/ on time’ as a positive aspect/ characteristic within me  – wherein if I don’t get to satisfy this characteristic, I go into a negative experience as anxiety and rushing.

 

When and as I see myself rushing to get to a certain place/ meeting ‘on time’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can instead measure in advance the amount of time I will require to be there on time without having to rush and also, if there are any events/ circumstances that are out of my reach to change that cause me to get late somewhere, I realize that I live in a world wherein one is subject to many situations coming up, and as such, I assist and support myself to Breathe through it and continue directing myself to get to the place I had agreed to be at.

Within this, it is to stop any form of fear of losing my ‘reputation’ as being always on time/ punctual and all the self-worth aligned with that as a positive trait. Instead I simply see that arranging a time to meet people/ get somewhere is a practical considerations in our physical reality and getting there – bit earlier or later – is eventually all that matters.

 

‘being like any other woman’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to always be ‘on time’ when going out to avoid being seen like ‘any other woman/ just another woman’ wherein women tend to take more time to get out of the house, which is only a belief based on what I lived within my life experience, without realizing that within this self definition of Not wanting to be like women, I copied what the only male at home would do which is rushing to get out as soon as possible and be always ‘on time’ wherein I then sought to be special/ unique in terms of being a woman and acting like a male – or the male example I had as a reference-  for the purpose of gaining a point of specialness at the eyes of another person.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to do something or not do something based on what a  woman would usually do or not do, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is only fueling my self definition to be praised by the opposite sex as unique/ special/ unlike any other woman. Thus, I direct myself to simply take the necessary time I require to go out of the house, measure my times in order to get somewhere ‘on time’ as a simple agreement and stop comparing who I am in relation to what others do or don’t do. I ensure I do everything I require to do before leaving the house such as checking water taps, gas keys closed, windows, getting money and the necessary stuff, which I do while breathing and not rushing as I see and realize that there is no need to rush when getting out of the house, I direct myself breath by breath, being aware of the physical.

 

I realize that every time that I have forgotten something at home, has been a result of me not measuring my times and then ending up rushing and missing out to do certain things, taking certain objects/ papers or whatever I require. Thus I stop any form of anxiety formed in relation to ‘going out’ as the constant corrective application of that rush that I had imprinted as a child when ‘going out of the house.’

I commit myself to be here as breath and continue breathing, being aware of my every move done in physical pace when getting ready to go out of the house.

 

Thought Dimension:  father standing on the entrance hall frowning and being quiet but angry inside

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush when getting out of the house due to the fear imprint I created as a child of someone getting angry for not being on time, in this memory my father being angry which would mean he would remain angry all the way till our destination, which I disliked

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to be ‘on time’ out of fear of being scolded for Not being on time or causing another’s anger, which was something that I would blow out of proportion as in being extremely tense whenever that would happen, because of having to be traveling with the angry people, which wasn’t necessarily pleasant.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be complacent when it comes to being on time, based on my fear of actually ‘causing another’s distress and anger’ without realizing that I am in no way able to cause something to another unless they allow and accept themselves to participate within their own emotions. Thus,

When and as I see myself fearing causing anger/ stress in another for not being on time, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have to take responsibility for myself, for being there on the agreed time and that whatever others experience, is their own process to take responsibility for what They are accepting and allowing within themselves.

Obviously in common sense, the best for all point is to be on time so that we are able to direct ourselves in the moment as agreed, which is something that is cool to consider as it facilitates going out with more than one or two people somewhere else.

 

 

Imagination Dimension:
– Positive imagination as a
desire: everyone being always On time as scheduled and going all happy in the car

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush within the desire for everyone to do the same and be absolutely on time which would then cause me a positive experience of ‘happiness’ as well as believing that my father would then be also ‘happy’ which I have linked to my Own happiness and within this making this ‘ideal’ scenario in my mind to obtain through and while I rush in the physical, which means that I am in fact only doing so in order to obtain a positive experience within me, and missing out the physical reality while doing so.

When and as I see myself expecting a ‘perfect scenario’ within a particular event wherein others would also be absolutely ‘on time’ and as such ‘being happy’ to move faster, I stop and I breathe – I realize that in this there’s a desire to control situations and physical reality in order to satisfy My idea of perfection- thus I assist and support myself to see and realize how it is that I have programmed myself to make of ‘perfection’ a positive experience according to my own standards, instead of actually grounding myself to Earth wherein there are many others involved in such situations wherein a particular outcome is dependent on each one’s participation.

I realize that I can simply share how things can be smoother/ easier to conduct when we all prepare ourselves to be on time – but, if this can’t be done for any other reason, then I simply breathe through having to wait for others to be ready.

 

Negative imagination as a fear: Having our ‘going out’ trip absolutely ruined, everyone in a bad mood, not talking and having a ‘hysteric’ father at the wheel.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine my father being angry while going out somewhere / someone getting angry with everyone for not being on time within a particular agreed ‘going out’ situation, and use this fear as a fuel to be ‘on time’ which leads to rushing out of fear – thus

 

When and as I see myself rushing to get out of the house/ going out somewhere in order to avoid having to deal with angry people during the trip/going out event, I stop and I breathe – I realize this is only my own self-conditioning based on childhood situations. Thus I breathe to direct myself while getting ready to go out and stick to physical reality while waiting for others and while going out without expecting something good or bad to happen – just breathing here.

 

Backchat:

– Why can’t they just Be On Time as Scheduled?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘Why can’t they just be on time as scheduled?’ wherein I deviate my attention to Others and trying to blame them for someone being angry for not being on time, instead of focusing on myself, my responsibility and ability to be there on time and simply focus on breathing when and if having to wait for others.

When and as I see myself focusing on what others do/ don’t do – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this comparison mechanism is only to feel either ‘good or bad’ about my actions in comparison to others – thus I direct myself to ensure I take responsibility for my actions, my doings and that’s it.

 

– They had to be women!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that women will ‘always’ take longer to leave the house while in fact, the gender is just another cliché point in society, as well as realizing that I am trying to separate myself from ‘being a woman’ as a stereotype, which is the point that I avoided throughout my life for all the various reasons I would see women as ineffective or slow or inaccurate – this all based on the male-example I had at home being the opposite of what I created women to be like.

 

When and as I see myself judging ‘women’ and separating myself from being one due to some trait or action that I have judged as ‘inefficient’/ inaccurate/ slow moving, I stop and I breathe – I focus on myself, my breathing and simply allowing myself to wait without any form of backchat or exasperation about ‘having to wait for others,’ as we live in a physical reality wherein the most we can do is agree to leave at a certain time and give some minutes of tolerance and that’s it.

 

– I am ready, they are Not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I am ready, they are Not,’ which is a self-righteous, superiority type of backchat wherein I want to stand as ‘perfect’ and ‘responsible’ in relation to being on time to go somewhere and getting a positive experience out of thinking what others will say about me being ‘always on time’ only fueling my self definition of being ‘always on time’ as a positive experience that I learned/ acquired from my father.

 

When and as I see myself creating a positive experience when being ‘on time’ as a prop for my timely-ego, I stop and I breathe – I simply direct myself to be on time – earlier or a bit later doesn’t matter – and simply physically be there as scheduled. I realize there’s no need t compare myself to who gets there first as life is not a race, but a point of being there/ participating which is what matters.

 

– It’s their fault that my father will now be pissed off, they are the ones to blame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘it’s their fault that my father will not be pissed off, they are the ones to blame’ wherein I simply acted out many times the ‘responsible character’ to not make my father/ anyone else angry – such as teachers at school – and within this, flair up my own ‘responsible character’ which stemmed actually out of fear of being the cause of someone’s anger –

 

When and as I see myself doing something out of avoiding to be blamed for possible outcomes that are perceived as ‘negative,’ I stop and I breathe, I realize then that such actions are not self-movement but based upon fear – thus I focus on being here as breath while moving to get to a certain point/ meeting/ agreed timed to leave somewhere, and that anyone creating an experience out of people not being on time is only their own point to walk in self-responsibility, and that there is no one to ‘blame’ in such cases for leaving later – and that instead, certain measures can be taken accordingly.

 

– I am not like them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I am not like them’ which became  a way of being and supporting my ‘specialness’ through opposition toward others at home – in this case the women at home – in order to be in the likes and appreciation of my father because of being ‘like him’ which I considered something that I had to be proud of due to all the positive imprints I have given to my father, without realizing that in this, I created an entire opposition character toward females, my sisters and mother while holding a sense of superiority for ‘not being like them’ apparently, which is only a personality that I cultivated in order to be special/ unique/ superior at the eyes of my father.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create a personality that would be in ‘opposition’ or ‘everything that the other women are not’ in order to be a ‘one of a kind girl’ at the eyes of other people, specially my father and later on in life males toward which I tried to simply not be a ‘cliché’ of what a woman would be like – in this case, taking too long to leave the house wherein even if I would do the same that other women did in terms of ‘getting ready’ to leave, I would rush everything in order to satisfy my own self-religion of ‘not being like other girls/ women.’

When and as I see myself wanting to be ‘on time’ or being responsible as a positive trait within me that defines ‘who I am’ as my ‘unique/ superior/ special character’ – I stop and I breathe. I realize that any action that I am doing from the starting point of comparing ‘how I do things’ in relation to others – specifically women – I am doing so from the starting point of ego and not really being here as breath directing myself as self-movement.

 

Thus I commit myself to no matter who I am with or alone, I direct myself as every breath to get things done, wherein I realize that living is not a competition toward women or any other being to remain in a superior position, as that is the inequality that I am participating in my mind. I assist and support myself to simply be self responsible as a common sensical consideration that is lived breath by breath and not fueled by any form of energetic experience.

 

Reactions:

– Negative: Mimicking the impatience, exasperation, building up anger as time goes by, becoming nervous and anxious about the possible outcomes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with extensive nervousness and anxiety when having to get to meeting/ being on time in an agreed meeting wherein I fear not being there on time and as such rushing even more within anxiety, without realizing that this is all just a mind construct of ‘being on time = stress out’ which is not necessary really, if one takes the necessary time to just be on time while moving physically.

 

When and as I see myself even experiencing the slightest anxiety to rush to get somewhere, even if there is no ‘agreed time’ – which has also happened, I stop and I breathe. I direct myself to my destination/ meeting time being physically aware of my body, myself until I get to the destination/ meeting point.

– Positive: pride and responsibility, readiness as in being the only one that’s ready.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a sense of pride as a positive experience out of being ‘responsible’ due to being ‘on time’ and ‘ready’ which is just a point that I created according to being complacent to other’s exigencies wherein ‘being on time’ is seen as a positive experience, and within this sacrificing my own physical body due to such ‘responsibility’ being fueled by extensive nervousness, anxiety, rushing sometimes even being less careful with my physical movements just to ‘get there on time,’ which is compromising myself just to satisfy a mind-desire of ‘being responsible’ and ‘ready’ at all times.

When and as I see myself creating a positive experience when getting on time somewhere as a ‘fulfillment’/ satisfaction, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is stemming from actually living out the release of the compounded negative experience that fueled my desire to be ‘on time’ as rushing, getting anxious and nervous as fear, which then turns into this apparent ‘positive experience’ when satisfying my ‘goal’ to be on time, which is just the opposite pole of the energy, which means it is also self abusive and not at all a self-directive hereness movement.

I commit myself to be on time within meetings/ situations/ events, and remain here as breath while doing so, waiting for whomever we have to wait for and maybe use the time to speak to someone while doing so in order to focus on my environment and the moment by moment I am here.

 

Physical dimension:

Tensing up my upper chest, experiencing nervousness and anxiety in my solar plexus, stifle myself and move as less as possible  while waiting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a lot of tension in physical body as the result of the amount of anxiety that I would go into when having to ‘be on time’ to go somewhere which is a point I cultivated every single day that I worried to ‘be on time’ to go to school and virtually anywhere else wherein I had to be ‘on time’ – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be/ become tense, stiffen my entire body wherein I would only be in my mind rushing/ thinking of the future moment of being ‘there’ and throughout this, not even looking at how uncomfortable I was within my physical body due to the extent of nervousness and anxiety I would accept and allow within myself as a result of the thoughts of ‘rushing’ and fearing ‘not being on time’ and be seen as ‘irresponsible.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘breathing was not enough’ when being too anxious because I believed that I simply had to Breathe, but, never understood that the anxiety was a result of my thinking and so, even if I would breathe, it would still ‘be there’ – the stress and discomfort – because I would keep on participating in my thoughts/experience  – therefore

 

When and as I see myself generating anxiety and experiencing discomfort while getting ready to go somewhere/ leaving the house, I stop and I breathe – and the stopping means and implies that I stop participating in the thoughts about rushing and breathe until the energy that has arisen dissipates as I breathe.

 

I commit myself to realize that for all energetic experiences of rushing to stop I have to Stop participating in any form of thought, backchat internal conversation and focus on breathing till such inkling of experience as anxiety dissipates and I remain here breathing, physically, stable.

 

Consequence:

– Me tensing up every time I have to go out, rushing as well to get myself ‘on time’ while fearing that others might be ‘impatiently waiting for me’ or that I will miss something with it, ending up angry at myself for not being ‘perfectly on time’ and as such screwing up my self religion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the thought of people being ‘impatiently waiting for me’ without realizing that it was actually ME being impatient with myself and toward others for not being on time due to this idea of ‘being on time’ as something positive and linked to responsibility, which I would use then judge myself or others for not being on time and or use it as a way to place myself in a ‘superior’ position for being ‘on time.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that being ‘on time’ is a positive trait that generates a positive experience and value ‘who I am’ according to my ability or inability of fulfilling this character, which is only existent in my own mind according to what I gave a positive value to which is being ‘on time’ as positive fulfilling experience.

 

When and as I see myself believing that others will get pissed off if I don’t get somewhere on time or I will be judged as irresponsible, I stop and I breathe – I realize this is only functioning in my own mind according to my own mind construct of responsibility linked to ‘being on time’ as positive experience – thus I direct myself to be here breathing and take the time necessary to be ready, while breathing and getting there to the agreed time while breathing – and so forth throughout the entire day – moment by moment.

 

 

– Building up my self religion of ‘not being like all of the other girls/ women’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an entire character of ‘not being like other women’ as a sense of specialness due to being ‘on time’ or regularly ‘ready’ on time as opposed to women at home that would take a long time getting ready due to all the things that a ‘woman does’ such as hair, makeup, clothes and making it all look perfect which I judged as something superfluous, without realizing that I only created an experience toward it because of actually having wanted to do the same/ be the same, but because of my own predicament of ‘not being like them’ I had to do everything I could to act/ do/ dress/ be the opposite of everything they are, which became the ‘who I am’ as the ‘opposition character’ within my family and later on the world system, trying to get out of the stereotypes, without realizing I simply fueled more the point of trying to be special/ unique/ one of a kind ‘woman’ by opposing other women which only created this sense of ‘specialness’ within me as a self-religion that I fulfilled no matter what, even if I had to compromise myself and my physical stability and for example rushing just to be ‘unlike all other women’ that would make their partners wait for a long time.

 

I forgive myself that I have actually accepted and allowed myself to judge the males for accepting and allowing the females to take a long time and actually be patiently waiting, wherein I would think that they were being over-complacent and not having enough ‘character’ to ask them to be on time, lol, which was only my own mindfuck being projected onto others and their relationships and agreements. Thus

 

When and as I see myself doing things in a way that I believe a woman would not usually be like/ act like/ do in order to be ‘unlike any other women’ and fulfill my ‘I am not like all of the other girls’ character – I stop and I breathe. I focus on doing thing in common sense without having to define myself about it. I focus on the physical reality that I can participate in and direct myself focusing on what I have to do, or simply breathe here without having this constant experience of having to do something or rushing or being anxious about the future.

 

I commit myself to breathe here as the constancy and consistency of my physical body wherein I take time simply as a measure to get things done within a certain time frame as a common sensical agreement with others, yet there is no positive or negative experience out of driving myself physically to be there on time or do things on the required time.

 

I commit myself to actually stick to being ‘on time’ with any other aspects in my reality wherein I see that I have limited this due-time responsibility to meeting other people, but there’s also dead-lines as a point of responsibility to direct which are also part of a common sensical agreement between two or more people to get things done and as such, continue advancing in a certain process and as such, equalizing this ‘being on time’ character to a practical consideration of all tasks and points to fulfill in my physical reality.

 

Within this one can see that if I would go to a doctor and tell them that I experience ‘stress, anxiety, nervousness and fears when having to go out of my house’, I would have probably been diagnosed with some anxiety disorders or even social phobia in order to meet a certain prescription drug that I would be given in order to ‘solve my problem,’ which would be essentially taking drugs to not experience all of the afore mentioned and walked emotions. This is a proof of how we are the ones that created such experiences in the first place and we are the only ones that can assist and support ourselves to take responsibility for what we experience and create practical breathing-living solutions to stop existing as this repetitive life consuming pattern, such as anxiety which is a very common emotion in our day to day living.

Thus I invite you to investigate where you have created the belief that ‘there is something wrong within you’ for experiencing a certain emotion throughout your life, find out where it all begun and assist and support yourself with writing, applying self forgiveness, self corrective application in order to take responsibility and stop all the uncomfortable energetic mind experiences that we believed were a ‘mental disorder,’ without realizing that it was only our participation in the mind that created them all in the first place.

 

Self Support is Here:

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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