384. Word Wars: Agreeing to Disagree

 

Today I’ve got to understand another reason why we have failed as humanity to  establish supportive communication and relationships because, within us completely embodying our mind, we’ve become our own military to defend our beliefs, thoughts, perspectives and when we get into a situation wherein we conclude that ‘we can’t agree’ with others, there’s usually the right(eous) off the bat expression of ‘well, we then have to agree to disagree’ which is a rather pusillanimous way of ‘ending a conversation’ where conflict is avoided or where one has gone ‘too far’ within emotionally reacting to a disagreement in a conversation with one or more people, and that’s where we then stop the conversation, ending up with a ‘bad taste’ which is usually remaining in an emotional reaction about the argument and seeing others as ‘being wrong’ or even sometimes taking another’s words as deliberate attacks or blaming them for the kind of statements that they’ve expressed, that leads us to further judge them and see others as ‘the problem’ only.

 

In my case, I’ve noticed a tendency that exists when I communicate with others and If I see that this person or people directly oppose what I speak of as what I’ve realized is common sense, or best for all, I start judging them for ‘opposing what to me is common sense.’

For example, a situation I was in wherein I was discussing with other individuals a child being bitten by another child and how that situation can be directed. These individuals pointed out that they had taught the child to close the fist and hit/attack back as a point of self-defense. So in essence is teaching kids how to ‘hit back’ when they are hit or bullied, as if that was the solution to the problem, which I then got to understand it was actually a pattern themselves had gone through in their lives and so had taught their own children to do the same, wherein the mentality is: well my son/daughter is all that matters, doesn’t matter if the other kid (the attacker) is hurt.

I then begun explaining why this idea of hitting back and continuing the violence between children and children-parent relationships is never the solution as the cause and core of the problem is not being understood or addressed. So, these individuals were rather shocked I was saying that, completely denying and refuting what I was saying, coming up with arguments such as ‘we are bred through violence, violence is everywhere so how can you expect the world to change?’ ‘How can the child allow him/herself to be hit and not respond back? It’s only Natural to fight back! Look at history!’ as well as the ultimate ‘we won’t ever change’ and so, Marlen’s red flags went on and I noticed a bit exaltation coming through as I spoke the words on how this kind of thinking patterns and beliefs are precisely what has perpetuated our violent behavior, our spite, our retaliation, our lack of skills to communicate and instead only learn to ‘defend ourselves’ which is an euphemism to say ‘fight back’ because that’s all we believe we are capable of – and because of the rather close relationship with these individuals, I left it to the point where I ensure I made it clear why I do NOT support violence and physical abuse/hitting/spanking or even ‘biting back’ between kids when one of them is first attacked. And the situation overall in the reunion changed so we didn’t give continuation to the discussion which also included why because violence is everywhere, even in videogames and children play them, then violence won’t ever go away.

 

Now, there are Multiple points to this and I will be walking them through because it’s not only my reaction to seeing how other human beings can still think that violence is the solution – disregarding the evidence in this world where no problems are solved through violence and only further separation or personal gain ensues – but also how I tend to not take other people’s process/mind into consideration. And so this will lead me to disclose how to live the word Flexibility as it’s been something I see I haven’t lived, wherein I become quite rigid and militant-like with what I see is common sense, what I’ve walked through and come to a conclusion is best for all. See, even if it is best for all to stop the patterns and cycles of abuse of enabling physical abuse as a way to ‘teach lessons’ or ‘get back at another,’ the fact that I make it a problem in my mind because ‘people are not agreeing with me’ has to do with myself and how I still believe that ‘It’s impossible people can think such barbarian behavior is a solution!’ and within this, I sweep aside my own reaction, turning it into a ‘righteous act’ wherein I justify my behavior because ‘they are wrong!’ without taking in consideration at all how other people have lived decades on within a particular mindset that they have carried out and even “educated” their own children with, involving the retaliation and vengeance thinking and behavioral patterns of ‘If I’m attacked, I attack back,’ without ever looking at the origin of the problem and further solutions, because in the mind: we’ve never actually learned how to establish solutions.

 

Another example is how some people believe that ‘spanking children to behave is ok’ – and me reacting to once again the ‘barbaric belief!’ without  placing myself in the shoes of others and realizing that  it’s all people have ever learned when it comes to disciplining children, it’s all that has been done onto them and as such me pretending to change their mind in a 5 minute explanation  is no different to me coming to a hardcore religious person letting him/her know that god doesn’t exist and to stop believing in it.

 

So we’ve lived our history within the ‘Might Makes Right’ statement and we’ve  become such belief to the extent that we see no other way out but exerting and imposing power, applying vengeance because we have become our minds, our patterns, our history, the sins of the fathers that were also people that were not able to ‘think outside the box’ into solutions but only use the brute force to establish solutions – so, how can I ‘blame’ a few individuals for simply mirroring our entire history back in that moment where violence is seen as the only way out?

 

Is it then a solution to want to change a person’s entire mind, context, personal experience, genetics, history in 5 minutes in order to convince them why violence is not the way? Or is this something that requires to be walked point by point in order to come to the realization that it’s about time that we stop believing ‘we can’t change’ and instead share my own process of how one Can in fact change and walk them through how this is able to be done, while being flexible, patient and in full consideration of their minds, their process and context? Well, of course the latter is the way to follow through with this. So here I walk the process to recognize the problem and get to the solutions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get angry when certain individuals contradicted myself when it comes to the principles I stand for of not participating back with violent behavior or promoting abuse in children as self-defense, wherein I reacted with the judgment of ‘I cannot believe that they are saying this, how stupid can they be?’ in my mind, without realizing that in this, I was actually already expecting them to be able to agree with me, with the principle and common sense I communicated to them and that I stand for – without taking into consideration that at the moment none of these principles are being lived in this world – and as such, I have not taken them into consideration, understanding them as the starting point of their perspective, their entire process, their life, their mind, their personal experiences, their own education as children, as parents that they also are and as such being able to see their statements  as nothing else but their mind speaking, the who they are and who we all have become as our mind – therefore

 

I realize that I took their mind, their statements, their beliefs personal because I believed in the first place that ‘they would see things differently’ without realizing that it’s actually rare that people get acquainted with any form of principles, values, common sense and considerations that are taking others into the equation as what is best for all, because as humanity we’ve always only lived through the principle of ‘what’s best for me, how can I protect me and fuck the rest’ and as such, I now see, realize and understand that their statements came from that survival mode that is actually quite prominent in our minds as humanity, and as such it is for me to rather realize that me reacting to their words is furthering the problem instead of being a stable observer that can look beyond the veil of emotions and rather see how such conversation was me facing ‘the system’ as it exist, and how vehemently the ‘who we have become as the mind’ protect and defend one’s point of view which is why I got into a reaction instead of absolutely stopping myself and immediately bringing through the consideration, the flexibility when it comes to taking others’ processes and minds into consideration and into the equation of the situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to later on complain about the statements these individuals had made when commenting about this with other individuals, without realizing that in such act I was continuing to blame them, to judge them as ‘ignorant’ for the kind of statements they were defending and the type of attitudes they want to still promote with other human beings –  In this I see that through only judging and getting angry at what others speak of, attack, or the beliefs that any individual can be supporting, I am not entirely seeing the opportunity that exists in order for me to first of all not take it personally and secondly, see why the reaction to this comes as the anger that I created myself upon layered judgment wherein I’ve seen ‘others’ as the problem for us to be able to change, blaming ‘humanity’ instead of taking the point back to myself. So, I see that this is an actual layer of the system that we’ve become and instead of ‘not wanting to talk more with them,’ and getting exalted about it, I can take the opportunity to slow down and direct the situation in a mutually beneficial manner, or course without wanting to convince them otherwise and now having them ‘agree with me,’ but simply being able to communicate what I see, my perspectives and so have a normal conversation of the pros and the cons wherein I don’t immediately try and impose what I see is common sense.

 

When and as I see myself getting angry, upset,  feeling certain pressure in my head/chest region as I hear another speaking words that go entirely against the principles I stand for as the end to all forms of violence – I stop and I breathe – I realize that by reacting and wanting to ‘stop talking to them’ and leave the scene, I’m only shutting down yet another opportunity for me to first of all not take it personally, not go into reaction and then be able to immediately take into consideration their mind, their process, their upbringing, the amount of time they’ve lived with such mentality and as such, be able to integrate within me a more gentle way to live flexibility and humbleness as the ability to be open and considerate of another’s mind and process, and be able to hear/listen to what others have to say, make questions to understand their beliefs further and as such, while breathing and ensuring I am and remain stable, rather share from my personal perspective and practical realizations why I don’t agree, why I don’t support any form of violence and most importantly why I see this as actually detrimental to children’s education. Then I can proceed to share how I’ve proven to myself that it IS possible to change as a human being, to establish new principles that can prevent ourselves going further down the downward spiral when it comes to lacking education, principles, values that are virtually non existent in our society nowadays.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take people’s words personally when I perceive they are directly denying, attacking or simply ignoring the principles I am speaking about, what I am communicating of, and more so when they speak over my own words  as I see that I’ve defined this as ‘attack’ without realizing that I have to take into consideration their particular ways of expression which I already know are also quite frank, direct, without ‘holding back’ which is why when I also embodied such directness along with the reaction of getting angry about what they were saying, I tensed up because we were speaking over our words, without realizing that obviously this won’t ever lead to actual communication, but only a desire to defend our views and perspectives on the subject, which is how we as human beings usually end up in fights or in the covertly ‘tolerant’ saying of ‘We agree to disagree’ which I have valued as the easiest way to avoid confrontation and remaining at a certain ‘peace’ that comes as the result of a temporary ‘war of minds.’

 

I realize that there’s no point for me to mirror another’s experience and expression in an exalted manner when they are conveying points that I can directly understand deny or oppose what I’m saying, and within this not taking it personally as in ‘they are deliberately attacking me’ because it’s actually their mind, their process, their beliefs that is up to them to further investigate their expressions and reactions. Otherwise by giving into the reactions, I become exactly what I am judging: the one that perpetuates the war of words and the war of minds leading nowhere.

 

I realize that my stance and staring point within all of this is to remain stable – and simply speak/convey about the principles I stand for, how I apply myself and the reasons why I do this and how I see it is an excuse to believe that ‘we can’t change’ as human beings, because this has been the easiest way out of actually placing the effort and discipline that we all require as human beings in order to be able to change mind patterns, behaviors, belief systems, roles, etc. that we’ve nurtured and acquired ‘by default’ from birth, without a question throughout our entire history on whether this ‘mind’ could ever be stopped, changed or corrected to benefit us all in our lives – and yes, we can.

 

I realize that it will take quite a long time for an individual to even come to the realization that for example, there are other ways to prevent violence or attacks between children beginning with the education that parents, society and the media can provide in order to begin phasing out this idea that we can only resort to violence, physical abuse and attacking back when one is attacked, without first understanding the origin and starting point of the attack, which is not an ‘out of the blue’ situation, but has a context that can be investigated and further taken into consideration for solutions, to then expose how we’ve come to believe violence to be ‘the way out’ because we have never worked with the principle of prevention, preventing the problems in the first place instead of furthering complicated ways to ‘deal with the problem.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever take it personal that people might not agree with what I’m saying – because I believe I stand for what’s best for all and within this, I have created the equation that ‘if you oppose what I say, then you stand for what is not best for everyone and as such: you are part of the problem,’ without realizing that in shifting responsibility to others as ‘the problem,’ I have not allowed myself to see why I have taken it personal, instead of considering each individual’s mind, process, context, life experiences that will still have to be walked by each one of us, individually, in order to align ourselves to principles where no longer our mind, our ego, our lives can override the principles we can stand for and live by as human beings.

 

When and as I see myself taking another’s words personal as ‘attacks,’ as ‘opposition,’ as ‘competition,’ as ‘deliberate defamation’ toward myself and the principles I stand with and as, I stop myself within that surge of anger that can be rising up from the solar plexus, I stabilize myself within breathe until I see that I am motion-less inside, stable and then apply the living word flexibility, wherein I take such individual/s mind, process, life experience, age, context, culture, upbringing, and every other aspect that I realize I require to also see as the origin and starting point of another’s words as those words come from the mind, from such programming, environment, culture, life experience and in essence the ‘nature’ of humanity that we’ve perpetuated throughout our entire history – and as such also prevent myself from always wanting people to end up agreeing with me, as this is something I cannot control nor is my duty to do either. I can only share myself as an example of the principles I share and live by.

 

I commit myself to live the word flexibility when being discussing certain points wherein I see that there’s no general ‘agreement’ of others toward what I say, to not take it personally and instead rather integrate the understanding of where those words, beliefs, perspectives are coming from as ‘who we have become as the mind’ as ‘the system’ and not just see ‘the person/the people’ that are speaking such statements as the ones to blame or be angry at, as emotions divert us from seeing the point within its full context, and  instead

I commit myself to also see, realize and understand how we as human beings have become the embodiment of the mind, the system, the preprogramming that has been consequential and detrimental to each one of us that have blindly accepted the mind as ‘who we are’ without seeing the obvious consequences of us still fighting wars and ‘agreeing to disagree’ because we haven’t been able to physically be here and look at things directly to consider what is best for all, but we’ve instead sold our own freedom to become egos in our minds where we ‘fight each other back’ and that simply doesn’t make sense, so I commit myself to stop judging others’ perspectives, thoughts and beliefs and rather take the context into consideration and rather learn from the situation than victimizing myself about it.

 

I commit myself to instead of getting angry or blaming another for ‘the kind of thoughts, beliefs’ they have, to instead remain humble as in considerate about another’s life process and mind, and simply state what I stand for and how I am available to discuss this further if they are interested in getting to know more about how I got to these conclusions, perspectives and principles that they are initially opposing – as we all know that’s a trait of the mind to defend itself at all cost– so instead, I practice ways to not be defensive, but remain open, tranquil in my communication toward others so that I don’t become part of the war-mentality or the aggression principle in order to ‘defend my point of view at all cost’ as that recreates the divide and conquer war mentality.

 

I commit myself to breathe through any immediate surge of energy that might be emerging as I see, hear or read someone contradicting the principles I stand for, and instead remain as breath to continue reading, investigating or asking questions as to gather further context to their mind, their beliefs and perspectives – I realize that we can use this further to get to know about our patterns, our old-age behavior, our embedded traits and beliefs systems so that we can pattern-them out, map them out and further support us by developing material or sharing perspectives as to how one can support oneself to stop living within such patterns after having a particular education, environment, culture, life experience, even points of abuse that are so common  and why it is most beneficial for everyone to stop participation in such patterns and rather decide to change to integrate living principles that are beneficial for everyone equally – this once again, as a voluntary process where we agree to discuss and walk through solutions.

If another is not open for solutions then I let it go. If I am not open to another’s perspective I have to investigate what am I holding onto and where am I not being flexible to consider other’s perspectives and input too.

 

I commit myself to be the point that stops furthering the ‘taking it personal’ pattern we’ve lived as humanity, and instead live and become the example of what it is to be able to observe the patterns that come through us in and as the mind in order to understand us better as the mind and as such, be able to walk the solutions and further ways in which we can begin changing the way that we hear and comprehend each other’s words and can use our relationships as points of support to learn more about ourselves, our minds and see the practical ways in which we can change the existing patterns of ‘fighting for our right to ‘be right’’ to rather learn how to establish common sense which is simply practicing how to consider what’s best for all in every thought, word and deed we express as who we are.

 

I commit myself to take self-responsibility for the words and actions I express toward others, regardless of what they might say or express as this will ensure that I remain stable and stick to principles instead of giving into the mind and losing the opportunity to rather learn from the situation and the patterns developing in the moment for further investigation. 

 

I commit myself to assist and support myself to be available and willing to assist and support those that want to know more about the principles, the perspectives of how we can change our patterns as humanity, how one can walk the process of implementing such changes at an individual level and as such be a point of support for others the same way that others have been for myself and that have enabled me to see, realize and understand this pattern in our lives as human beings, to walk from ‘fighting’ and ‘opposing’ each other to turning the point into a self-supportive aspect that we would not have been able to see if it hadn’t been opened up through communicating and sharing perspectives, so that’s another point to consider when it comes to realizing the need to share and open up topics that are usually not openly talked about, due to this inherent ‘respect’ for each other’s beliefs, which makes no sense because in the end we are all affected by each other’s beliefs and actions, so it’s best to rather see how we can establish a common ground to prevent further separation and problems and instead focus on establishing solutions within and outside of ourselves.

 

 

 

What are we doing to ourselves

 

 

To learn how to stop being only a mind that perpetuates the patterns and sins of the fathers, research:

About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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