Or, how to practically change from being the Grinch to a person that actually embodies the principles of living in equality and what’s best for all in practical manners.
Ok so, Christmas passed and based on the commitment shared at the beginning of the month, I must recognize I’ve done quite good in terms of stopping my ‘usual reactions to Christmas’ over the month and being diligent in making it a point to change who I am in the midst of all things that usually go along the lines within this holiday season.
There are two judgments I can pin-point related to how I had usually seen/identified this season to be and I will be sharing then how I have done my point in changing those judgments into a supportive set of doings within myself this time around.
First thing is how I had judged the whole getting together in a halo of peace and niceness as phony, as hypocritical, as ‘false’ because it didn’t make sense to me to only have this going on once a year or whenever major tragedies happened around the world. So, here it’s interesting because a friend of my mother’s (so my friend as well) sent me a message on Christmas and said something related to how Christmas brings the best of us as human beings, all that care, love, sharing, compassion, hope and kindness. I responded to her that I can agree with that and that we should not only live this during Christmas, but extend it to our everyday reality. The same I did when she sent some words relating Christmas to Jesus’ words, so I thanked her for the message again and related it back to making those words real as ourselves, to live the words that Jesus shared in our everyday living, which she agreed to as well. That right there, me responding in a more contributory manner to those messages is already one point of change within me where before I would have probably played ‘kind’ and just thank it and within me say ‘whatever!’ but, this time I took the actual time to read and make it a point to give back that moment of attention and appreciation with a supportive note at the same time, one that reflects what I want to change within myself and be that one person that changes what I had previously defined as ‘phoniness’ or ‘hypocrisy’ that I had labeled everything positive and ‘warm’ going on around these holidays to be. I had not realized I was being ‘hypocritical’ myself around these things in the way I used to ‘care’ about the holiday, but in the back of my head always be continually judging it and being ‘fed up’ with it.
Here then, I am no longer blaming others for ‘being hypocrites’ for only behaving this way once a year and reacting to it within my own spite and ‘filtered view’, because I know people like me tend to take a higher stance in believing that we are very keen on finding everyone else’s faults, but we rarely take a moment to truly see within ourselves and how we are contributing to create the same problem we are complaining about.
So how did I change that which I had judged as phony and hypocritical into genuineness, a real care and consideration and also, an expression of myself? An example is in simple interactions that had that usual tinge of ‘it’s Christmas/near Christmas time’ and some generosity point emerged, I thanked it in a decision to be genuinely appreciating others about it, not backchatting it within my mind or judging it as before as ‘ah this is so phony, so predictable, too hypocritical, ah it’s for convenience’ and the rest of it, but instead truly embraced those moments for the expressions they are, without ‘tainting them’ with only the ‘Christmas/seasonal halo’ around it, but more like embracing those expressions in others as a an expression of who they are and can be, yes, all year round!
And interestingly enough, I have been making this a point for myself in my every day interactions with unknown people as well, no matter how petty or insignificant, to talk to others, to address others in the way that I would like to as well, not as a point of likeness/preference or convenience, but simply a truly ‘giving of myself’ through my expression, through any point of simple generosity that can come in many forms, a ‘kinder self’ indeed is what I’m developing, no longer the ‘bitter’ version of myself that acted out of that hypocritical in fact and phony kindness as per morals or ‘traditions’ but, more of a genuine enjoyment of meeting with others, of seeing family members which is definitely something quite new to me to be honest.
I used to go to all of those reunions and Christmas more within a point of obligation, which led me to simply skip it for some years in the past recent years, until this time around where I make it a point to not ‘load’ within me all the past judgments or others’ judgments on this holiday, but make it simply that getting together with family that I can enjoy, express myself in, talk to those that I want to establish communication to, contribute with something to it – like baking a cake – and giving presents that I can see are practical and supportive like health books, food supplements, basic clothing, which is quite cool in fact, nothing too fancy or extravagant really, but I actually enjoyed the decorations I made for the presents and wrapping them up, actually going out of the usual ‘red and green’ and instead using lots of colors in them, that was fun and enjoyable too.
In this, I am also able to stand ‘outside of myself’ to consider how this holiday for others is something that becomes very special, a special gathering and get together so in that, I didn’t judge it, I enjoyed the intimate reunion it was, impromptu due to particular settings we arranged it with and had a good time without any ‘excesses’ or anything like that, fine enough to come home and simply be grateful for the company, the nice foods, the talking, the sharing of some gifts and receiving of them and for all of us still being together this time around. This has been quite a change considering I had deliberately antagonized this celebration with my ‘inner war’ and conflictive reactions towards the whole setting, being uncomfortable most of the times, which yeah in way means I stood as the ‘war point’ toward it all, whereas now I could simply ‘flow’ with it yet in a directive manner because I didn’t get carried away by any sort of positivity either, but simply seeing ‘no difference’ to any other family gathering for example which means that I am already starting to expand this point of genuine expression in other times/situations as well.
The other point of judgment toward Christmas had always been consumerism. This still came up a few times in relation to the vastness of stuff that can be bought in these days, the crowded malls and supermarkets, but It was just that, an acknowledgement of ‘how things are’ and I assisted myself when facing these crowds in sharing with my partner how yes, it is crowded, yes, lots of people, yes, it’s not a weekend, it’s a regular weekday before Christmas time and I’ve decided to not react to it, which worked just fine, embracing it.
So, here in the sense of judging consumerism, I realize I can’t change others, I cannot decide what others spend their money on or change ‘their behaviors’ around this time of the year, I can only do that myself and that’s what I can rather focus on. Here has to do more with the relationship to money and realizing that sure I’d like to give a present to everyone as a means of appreciation, but sometimes that’s not possible, and it’s not something I see entirely needed either. I instead don’t focus on giving something ‘on Christmas’ only, but rather whenever I can and there’s an opportunity, giving little things here and there that I actually gift with a meaning of appreciation, of giving to others that which I know they enjoy or need – and yes here it’s definitely not focusing on ‘giving something pricey’ at all, but more like seeing how practical it is, how useful it is, how supportive it can be or how I can make it myself – and that’s how I then sort of ‘measure’ what I’d like to give because they are usually things I’d give to myself too, sometimes also considering their likes and preferences of course, but still make it a point to ‘make a statement’ with the kind of gift I give, which is overall in the means of being supportive and practically useful.
And so, in conclusion, I spent a very different Christmas season this year, and all that I required to do is make a clear and self-aware decision to change my attitude, to stop my behavior that wanted to ‘show with all of my being my refusal to be part of it’ which, in looking back, actually could have caused discomfort and reactions in others that I didn’t actually want to create, yet I became oblivious to and blind to it all because of my self-interest in ‘making a statement’, one of refusal, denial, antagonism – ah that word here again! – antagonizing everything ‘Christmas’ related.
This time, I’m focusing on integrating these new ways not only ‘this month’ but the whole year to come and this is definitely something that has been unfolding from the past last months of the year and from the very blogs I’ve been sharing on deconstructing this ‘bitter self’ or ‘pessimist self’ or ‘gloomy self’ into one that actually embodies the ways, living words that I’d like us all to live by as human beings, all year long, every day.
So! Let’s make it happen
Recommended audio:
Christmas – The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 73
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