469.Minimizing a Point

Or how I’ve been suppressing points to change and correct within me based on judging them as ‘meaningless’ and not a big deal.

 

Today what opened up for me is how I’ve been ‘Minimizing’ something that emerges within me to look at it, as in making it a seemingly insignificant thing, a ‘no big deal’ situation  within me which means I’ve been justifying myself to remain indulging in something particularly, not questioning it and deciding to in that moment ignore asking the basic questions like ‘who am I’ in desiring to remain in this experience within me? who am I deciding to believe that this is not much of a big point to change in me? What am I trying to hide? What am I defending, justifying or fearing letting go of?

This all emerged as I saw myself once again not wanting to wake up from a particular dream that gave me a positive experience, and lately dreams have been very cool in allowing me to face points and people in my past that I haven’t actually ‘processed’ yet which keep coming back over and over again and I go into the justification of ‘ah they are long gone in my reality, no need to look at it! It’s just a remembrance that’s it!’ while I am seeing very clear and defined patterns that I am acting upon on with them and even if in the dream I know that there is a change in me to be done, I still don’t align that self-application in my dream, but still allow myself to indulge into essentially old patterns that I used to be.

It’s kind of interesting how as I wrote that I became extremely hot as if I am supposed to not be talking about this or opening this up within me which means, same as when one goes red out of embarrassment – man! There’s actually quite a relevance of opening these ‘minimized’ points or ‘maximizing them’, zooming into them and realize there’s actually stuff to process in relation to these people/places of my past, experiences I used to seek vehemently and that would in fact control me, which have been coming up in dreams in a very interesting manner, a sort of self-testing where I am presented with all of these situations and I can always decide to indulge into the ‘old me’ or decide to stand up in those moments, and I have to say that I haven’t yet fully aligned the waking life me and the dream-state me to this application in all areas – in some others I have and those are points that stop coming up in dreams – but the ones that remain in very similar scenarios are pointing out to me something I definitely need to look at, which I will do for myself.

Here then I’m looking at the pattern of how we decide to place a ‘lower value’ on certain things that we face in our lives, where we ‘conveniently ‘see them as ‘not a big deal’ so that we can keep re-living them, falling in them again, not realizing that we are only in fact fooling ourselves anyways in doing this, because the more that we push them aside, ignore and neglect them = the more they will keep coming up and so creating what we know as a ‘time loop’ where a particular pattern repeats itself endlessly until we decide to stop ourselves from participating in it/falling in it and so stand up, make a decision to change and live the correction with consistency, proving to ourselves each moment that we decide to change this point absolutely, to stand up from it every time it ‘pops up’.

This point reminds me of the revenge of the ego where we believe we are just ‘clear’ about many things but some aspects of our past ‘come like a thief in the night’ and rear their head claiming attention and if I decide to ‘minimize’ it and make it only a thing of a ‘dream’ and therefore deciding to believe ‘it has no relevance to myself’ I am in fact deceiving myself because I am aware of that pattern, I know it can still be affecting me in seemingly ‘imperceptible ways’ which if I don’t deal with, will invariably come and bite me back in the ass – really, sorry for the bluntness but that’s what it is – because deciding to not look into a point and seeing it as ‘meaningless’ or ‘too small to care for it’ is only a mechanism of self-deception = self-dishonesty.

I brought this point into a group discussion and it was really awesome to receive feedback, points of self observation and suggestions on how to approach it based on others’ personal experience and that’s what is so nurturing about this process when one is not alone in facing one’s mind, but there are always ways within the Desteni community to cross reference things, to ask for perspectives, to see if someone can relate to something and you’ll get to see that no matter how seemingly ‘odd’ something is, voilà! Someone or more than expected have actually faced that and so it proves again and again how we really are ‘no different’ when it comes to the mechanisms in which our mind operates.

Today’s message is simple as a learning point and experience from this.

– Whenever I see myself minimizing a point as in thinking of it as ‘not an important thing to look at,’ saying ‘ah it’s not that relevant for me any longer, it’s a thing of the past’ or ‘ah but it’s only a nice experience for a moment in a dream, it shall pass!’ or ‘But I’ve worked on similar points before, it should not matter that much to focus so much on this petty one here’ – or ‘it’s just a small bit of myself, I take care of everything else anyways, why should it matter that much?’ I have to stop myself to remind myself that these are excuses, justifications and reasons I am making up within/as my mind in an attempt to conceal actually very relevant aspects of myself that are probably holding/keeping myself in a particular self-definition or fears/desires or holding on to an aspect of ‘me’ that I have believed I have ‘worked on or let go of’.

Therefore I have to make sure I don’t ignore this point but actually decide to open it up in the moment or make a note of it to work later on it in the day, instead of minimizing it, I have to maximize it/zooming into it, aggrandizing it to see the details and equalize the value of it to every other point that I face in my life, considering all of them as aspects and parts of me that I have to equally take responsibility for.

This ‘minimization’ particularly is indicating this seemingly innocent and subtle way in which I create awareness of something yet ‘make it something little’ so as to ‘not bother with it’  – but I’ve proven myself how these are in fact things we relegate and make ‘smaller’ because of the actual ‘hold’ they have of ourselves in our minds, which means there’s actually quite a lot of ourselves still ‘hiding’ in that one aspect and so it at the same time represents an equal gift that we can give back to ourselves with self-forgiveness, so as to not keep ourselves captive with it.

In this I have to remind myself that I don’t have to fear looking at it, I don’t have to fear ‘losing’ this energetic experience because it was never something of ‘the real me’ anyways, it wasn’t a genuine expression or self-creation – they are but remnants of my experiences in the past that I have to now make a clear decision to self-forgive and let go of. I  realize that I am not ‘missing out’ on anything within doing so, because I’ve seen how a lot of what I used to be and do really became this energy-bubble within myself that was unsustainable anyways, so getting to a point of self-honesty should not be seen as a ‘loss’ of sorts – how can we lose something that wasn’t real in the first place?

These are all reminders and points to indicate myself to do, ask and start processing whenever I see myself minimizing something again, relegating it to ‘a second priority’ when in fact, they are here, they came up in the moment, they are priority, they are gifts for me to open up as I ‘receive’ them so to speak, as they come up in my awareness, regardless of it being during my awake or sleeping mode.

– Whenever I go into manipulating myself to see a point as still not relevant to look at or too insignificant – I can do what was suggested today by Sylvia G to do which is to create a projection of how this one seemingly ‘minimal’ point could potentially affect myself, my life and that of others around me based on my continued participation and indulgence on it.

I can see that this in my case would lead me to create the worst kind of situations of self-deception that I in fact have faced in my life before and that I definitely would not want me to repeat the same once more. And upon doing this with the point I’ll be working on, I can see how absolutely relevant it is for me to dig into it, investigate it, fully open it to see it for what it is and disengage the energetic relationship I have linked to it, so that I no longer go participating in these seemingly ‘meaningless’ moments that are actually letting me know I still have several energetic connections to aspects of myself, my past that I have to fully correct within myself, by principle and awareness of who I decide to be and create as myself currently.

– Here’s then another reminder for me to not see dreams as ‘just dreams’ because they have proven to me many times that they can reveal very key and on the spot aspects for me to face where I actually know I am aware of having to apply myself, but when I deliberately don’t do so because of ‘minimizing’ an experience, it simply means I am deciding to continue my self-dishonesty, and that’s of course an indication of points I require to work with in my reality as soon as possible.

– Therefore I can use the ‘minimizing’ experience as a flag-word, an alert of making myself aware that I have to now make a decision to actually take the point as equally relevant as any other and to not procrastinate on them, but to be diligent in opening it up, not giving way into ‘fears’ about discovering myself, or giving way to ‘fears of letting go’ of something that is not even substantial, that is not of life– and so make a clear decision to not deceive myself in the face of those moments where I am clearly having to rev up my self-honesty, which means I know when I am deliberately not wanting to see something = I have to stop lying to myself that it is not important and make all things equally relevant and important to look at.

Here then realizing that the act of ‘minimizing’ something is already looking at it through ourselves as the mind, as the mind that doesn’t want to debunk itself. So the suggestions are to move oneself to deliberately see it for what it is, to not play ‘dumb’ so to speak in relation to it, to not wait for consequences to grow and show us how ‘big’ in fact of a point it is.

And it also was shared how these seemingly ‘minimal’ points can be in fact the tip of an iceberg that we haven’t faced/opened up within ourselves. These points that we create a relationship of resistance to, indicate at the same time a potential to liberate aspects of ourselves that we’ve trapped in secrecy, in denial, in shame, in regret, in guilt, in a relationship of desire and fear… any relationship of energy that we hold toward something will eventually ‘catch up with us’ to the point where it becomes inevitable to not see it, face it, deal with it and walk it through to a point of correction and so, get to a point of no return with it into self-honesty.

Also very relevant to remind myself what does it say about myself when I deliberately decide to make something seemingly insignificant to not look at it? It’s no different to wanting to run away from self-responsibility, no different to taking a quick fix, no different to preferring to remain limited in the mind to not really live – I do it to myself! Therefore I have to make a clear decision to stand clear in all aspects of myself, in actual self-honesty and not miss any bit of me that I become aware of to process from consciousness into awareness and self-honesty.

 

Thanks for reading

 

 Minimizing Self Dishonesty

 

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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