482. Redefining Empathy

Or How to stop the experience of ‘misery loves company’ as system-empathy into a practical understanding directed to create solutions.

Dictionary definition:

empathy 

   noun the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

 

ORIGIN

     early 20th cent.: from Greek empatheia (from em- ‘in’ + pathos ‘feeling’) translating German Einfühlung.

(pathos meaning suffering as well)

 

USAGE

            People often confuse the words empathy and sympathy. Empathy means ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of another’ (as in both authors have the skill to make you feel empathy with their heroines), whereas sympathy means ‘feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune’ (as in they had great sympathy for the flood victims).

 

I had a ‘rough’ time that I was processing last week and trying to understand certain energetic experiences that I could not consciously ‘link to’ anything other than the situation that has emerged in my country from the beginning of this year. A lot of instability in relation to oil prices has led to inflation in prices, people protesting, people looting (or being paid to do so to destabilize the country) which has affected every single person that lives in this country in one way or another. So, even if I wrote about it here 471. Self-Forgiveness on Self-Limitation to make sense of the situation we are collectively creating and so facing, there was still an experience that would emerge in me, a form of restlessness, anxiety, fear, something genuinely not common in my day to day experience for a long time now.

So, upon sharing this with my buddy/support in walking this process from consciousness to awareness, we looked at how I may be at an unconscious level creating a form of empathy towards’ people’s mental states around here. People I’ve talked in my reality have also apparently identified the ‘tension’ in the air, as if we were just ‘picking it up’ but no, this doesn’t work that way, this requires one’s participation in our minds to be creating such despair, anxiety, confusion, fears and the rest of paranoia that comes when seeing our ‘usual stability’ suddenly be gone – as an initial ‘shock doctrine’ to be honest – and for the first time I saw myself being caught up in a form of mental anguish and collective paranoia that I wasn’t entertaining too much on a conscious level, but did become an experience within me without being able to ‘pin point’ exactly ‘why’ – until I tested this approach..

What we concluded is how I was creating a form of ‘empathy’ towards people living in this country as well, and at some level allowing myself thus to experience ‘the same as everyone else’: their worries, concerns, fears, I made them my own in a twisted manner of at a deep level thinking that ‘if they are going through this, I must do so as well’ see? Makes no sense, but that’s who we are in our minds: we make no sense at all! So, I called it also a form of ‘solidarity’, of course a Twisted form of solidarity where we tolerate/feed/consent each other’s experiences at a mind level that are of no support whatsoever, yet at some level we ‘believe’ that by us experiencing ‘what others do’ then it does some kind of ‘good’ or ‘sorts things out’ or any other delusion like that, because in reality, ‘feeling’ the same as other person won’t ever be a solution.

This comes out also as a realization of who we are as our emotions and feelings, as energetic experiences that only cause us to turn life into an energetic experience where we cannot see things straight because of being blinded by an emotion or a feeling (energetic experiences that are ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ respectively) in this case, believing that ‘everything is lost’ and ‘there’s no way around’ and falling into an experience of hopelessness which I’ve been writing about before. But the key point I had missed to look at is how I came to accept such experiences as ‘my own’ based on also seeing other people fall into the same collective paranoia. This made me the consider how often do we ‘become’ others’ experiences causing more problems than any form of solution.

Another example can be when upon seeing someone being super sad or depressed, I would also want to ‘express support and solidarity’ and in ‘empathizing’ with them and so become depressed and sad myself and agree to all of their reasons, excuses and beliefs of ‘how everything sucked in life’; then I would allow myself to ‘sink with them’ as a form of ‘being there for them’, eventually becoming my own problem caused by me accepting those experiences as ‘real’ as ‘who I really am’ – in essence, becoming my own mindfuck, really, sorry for the word but that’s what it is. We all know depression, anger, anguish, panic, hopelessness, euphoria, paranoia and the plethora of emotions or feelings I could name here won’t ever be a supportive experience for ourselves as human beings.

However, in our minds, we believe that ‘feeling what another is feeling’ is a way of supporting them, of assisting them – we believe that making their suffering our own is – in some twisted way – a form of care and support for them, when it is definitely not so. This I had to learn also through eventually seeing to what extent I indulged into very consequential experiences within myself in an attempt to empathize with friends, reinforcing personalities and patterns that already existed in me that were not supportive at all and caused myself to see ‘no way out’ at times either, because in any emotional experience, that’s usually the outcome: seeing no way out other than continuing feeling bad and suffering, which becomes a ‘normal state’ for many unfortunately, even a comfort zone as well to not push through the experience and change one’s life.

Here then my own practical self-support is to remind myself that ‘standing with others’ in difficult times does Not mean I have to go through and experience what they are going through as a form of ‘empathy’ or ‘solidarity’ – instead I have to redefine what Empathy can mean in a supportive manner, considering beforehand how imitating or experiencing a feeling in itself is a mind/mental experience that is not supportive at all, therefore, how to Live Empathy in a redefined manner?

Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

 

Here I’ve crossed out the part of the definition that I don’t need to live. No longer ‘sharing’ or ‘becoming’ the feelings myself, but understanding another is definitely something much more supportive which I in fact practice quite a bit when assisting others in facing their own minds as emotions, feelings, experiences where I have to immediately ‘look up them up’ in my own memories, to bring up similar experiences I faced and walked through in self-support, so that I can practically ‘place myself in their shoes’ to understand their experience – without me ‘becoming’ the experience itself any longer – but instead simply being able to see it, understand it as the pattern it is – whether it is an emotion, behavior, fear, habit, any type of experience really – that I can redirect towards focusing on how to best support oneself to transcend, walk-through, work on and correct/align that one experience and transform it into a supportive outcome, creating solutions and living them as a correction.

This leads me to add to that dictionary redefinition and make it something much more fulfilling and supportive. Because how I had seen it is that this dictionary-definition of empathy sounds to me like ‘misery loves company’ lol, which ultimately does nothing to sort out, solve or direct an experience into a solution. I’ve seen it myself maaany times before, not supportive at all.

This also means that in being able to hypothetically place ourselves in the shoes of another, it doesn’t mean we have to justify all the reasons why someone is experiencing something in a particular way, it is about understanding those reasons and justifications as further excuses, ideas, beliefs, opinions and validation of experiences that we create in our minds in order to not change, to be ‘stuck’ in an experience and not being able to ‘get out of it.’

So here our responsibility as a person that decides to live this redefinition of empathy ‘towards others’ is precisely placing self-responsibility as a primary point of awareness in this process of ‘empathizing’ with others, where we no longer accept and allow such experiences as an actual definition of ‘who we are’ or ‘who they really are’ and therefore we have to see beyond the experience into creating, developing and laying out solutions, practical solutions that can be suggested to the person that is ‘stuck in a moment’.

I also suggest to make sure at the same time that we are entirely clear when presenting these solutions, ensuring that we are no longer demonstrating a similar ‘feelings’ or ‘emotions’ because in doing so, we also accept and allow those feelings or emotions as real, as acceptable – but in reality if we look at what’s best for all, they are not. Suffering won’t ever bring out any form of ‘solution’ by itself, we have to create solutions, we have to sort ourselves out.

Therefore empathizing with another in this case is a temporary – and rather short – moment where we can understand what another is facing – because we have also faced similar points ourselves in our process – not engage as in not becoming the experience ourselves but be able to see it, understand it and investigate it as the pattern it is, as the experience in the mind it is – and so directly focus on looking at and discussing solutions to take responsibility for the experience, for the point in matter and so step out of the suffering/experience and start walking the stability of solutions, of changing that moment for ourselves.

This is also something that can be done with more ease once that we have done our own self-investigation, our own ‘getting to know ourselves’ process which is precisely what the Desteni I Process is all about, getting to know and understand ourselves as our mind in order to then create solutions that we can live and apply to develop a new version of ourselves, the one that can honor our lives and the lives of everyone else, where we can instead become living examples towards others that could also decide to stand with us to create a new way of living as human beings in this world. It is possible! And what’s required is then no longer tolerating, feeding, participating or validating another’s experience as ‘who they really are’ either.

In this process we understand that as much as the mind is ourselves, it is still a part of ourselves that represents ‘the worse’ of us in a way that we can change through directive means and principles: through writing, self forgiveness, developing an awareness of our self-responsibility and so actively changing.

Here it is also pertinent to debunk the idea that emotions and feelings are ‘humane’ or a ‘distinctive trait’ of humanity, because they are precisely ‘human’ in the sense that no other being in this reality has the same mind consciousness system that we have that had been preprogrammed precisely for us to constantly and continuously be experiencing the highs and lows of energetic experiences, the positive ones as ‘feelings’ and the negative ones as ‘emotions’ – here then also realizing that in stopping participation in these, it doesn’t meant that we will become ‘inert’ or ‘robotic’ or ‘lifeless’ – this is only so based on our equation of energetic experiences = life, but this is not so in reality.

A real expression of ourselves emerges after we first process our emotions and feelings and we go redefining our relationship to ourselves, our body, our mind. We go proving to ourselves and realizing that life is possible in actual stability and self-direction, without the emotional clutter and overwhelming experiences if we are disciplined enough to stop participating on the thoughts, ideas, beliefs, emotions or feelings that create these experiences, stop validating the reasons behind these experiences and decide to give one step beyond the ‘inner chaos’ that we have consented to as ‘who we are.’

This is then about living the word empathy, intending to remove the consent to the feelings and emotions per se, while understanding and acknowledging them as a part of ourselves, as our creation that is yet to be walked through/processed and redefined in order to embody and live words that are supportive, that are of living solutions.

I add then to the redefinition:

Empathy – the ability to understand the feelings and emotions of another as the mental experiences they are, so that through placing myself in their shoes I can instead immediately look at which words are supportive to live in that moment, what solutions I can share with them to assist them to see through the veil of the emotions and feelings and in doing so, anchoring ourselves back into reality, understanding our consequences and results of our participation in the mind while empowering ourselves to realize and lay out the ways to change these experiences within ourselves.

How I then in my case explained at the beginning have to live empathy is no longer accepting those experiences as something ‘I must live’ in a form of backwards solidarity with the people in this country. I have to precisely keep focusing on sharing the common sensical realizations about what we are facing as our reality, how we have all co-created these outcomes that will only change when we stop blaming the government and start looking back at the plethora of points that we have lived as ‘who we are’ in our individual lives that are not at all supportive of life, of real growth and development – at a personal and so at a collective level.

This way I can stand as a pillar of support and stability, no matter ‘what’ is going on around as a general paranoia, psychosis or plain panic attacks that we can ‘fall into’ if we are not entirely clear on how none of these experiences will ever be beneficial, they will never signify a ‘care’ for others – but instead are the sources and ingredients necessary for enforcing control and so further problems, never solutions.

Living ‘empathy’ this way becomes more of a humbling process in understanding the reactions, but not ‘re-living’ them ourselves, it is an empowering point since we can understand it and at the same time see the ways through in it, the solutions, the potential outcomes through redirecting our focus and attention from the ‘problem’ to communicating about the situation, taking self-responsibility on each side as necessary and then direct oneself towards a solution.

Sounds easy, but it does definitely require oneself to be stable and standing enough to not ‘be triggered’ by another’s experience, which if it does happen and we then ‘empathize’ in the usual system way of becoming the same emotion or feeling as the other person, what do we know then? We have to walk through our own personal relationship to those emotions or feelings ourselves first, take responsibility and change who we are in relation to those experiences if we are to stand as the redefined version of empathy that I’ve shared here today.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested interviews that explain a process of ‘empathizing’ with another’s experience and walking as a point of support to them

1.      Timeline of a Tantrum: Parents – Perfecting the Human Race – Parenting – Part 73

2.      Timeline of a Tantrum: Children – Perfecting the Human Race – Parenting – Part 74

 

We stand

 

Learn how to express your genuine self:

 

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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