484. Redefining Desires

Or how to see what we are separating ourselves from in wishful thinking to instead see what is feasible and what we can change or create in our lives for our personal and collective betterment.

desire

noun a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. strong sexual feeling or appetite. something desired.

 

When I read some texts on Buddhism 10 years ago, it was mentioned how getting rid of desires was the way to end all suffering which I considered for some time to apply, but as I’ve explained in various previous blogs over the years, I wasn’t taught how to actually understand my desires, how to work with my experience instead of just focusing on ‘shutting my mind up’ and ‘stop all my desires’ right away, which felt like renouncing, separating myself from something and remaining in a ‘lack’ that I was then supposed to perceive as ‘the end to all of my suffering’= see it in a positive light.

Well, this approach certainly did not work for me because I didn’t see the point of simply focusing on being in some ‘inner stability’ and remaining in a ‘Buddha’ type of mindset where one is literally creating a separation to the ‘mundane’ in order to focus on some ‘higher consciousness’ experience. By now I have seen how that state is still only an experience in our minds and it practically doesn’t assist us in becoming better active living human beings in this world empowered to change things.

Over the years I have been aware of this point of desires and to what extent we can create a besotted infatuation about something or someone wherein it becomes the one thought that drives our experience in a constant manner if we don’t decide to confront it and investigate it to see it for what it is.

I was looking at this word ‘desire’ with my partner the other day and he mentioned how ‘desire’ sounds like ‘these-I-are’ which I found very interesting because if we look at desire and the definition in the dictionary, it’s very similar to ‘hope’ in the sense that we fuel a want, a need, a wish for something to happen or be given to us without us doing anything to create it, which this sounding of the word assists us in realizing: these-I-are or ‘this I are’ as in realizing that what we are ‘desiring’ we are already existing in separation of – so, ‘these- I-are’ sounding of the word can be a way to remind ourselves that what we are ‘desiring’ is indicating a set of experiences, of fantasies, or possibilities that we have to first ground within ourselves in order to see how much of this desire is realistic, doable, practical and most important, if it is in accordance to what is supportive for our lives in consideration of what’s best for all.

Let’s look at a couple of examples. Desiring to be successful in life is something very common in our lives. One thing that I’ve also learned to see in desires is to at the same time of acknowledging this desire as a ‘positive point’, there is also an opposite point existing as ‘the negative’ part of it – this is based on how our mind works/operates at a mechanical level. Therefore in this ‘desire to be successful, there’s also a counter-point in its opposite polarity existing as a Fear.

In this example it can be a fear of failure, fear of ending up in poverty, fear of not getting an achieved status or position, fear of not getting the expected results into that which we want to succeed on. This is a very common sensical and grounding approach to see a ‘Desire’ as an opening of a self-investigation of ‘these-I-are’ thoughts and experiences as our fears and desires, as the points of separation that we’ve created in our minds that we have to face, look at, investigate, write out and self-forgive to then see who we really are and who we decide to be in relation to these wants, needs, desires and the fears that accompany such experience of desiring.

Through the process of applying the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, developing self-corrective statements, we can get to create and see our self-honesty about our desires: Are they realistic, are they doable or not? Are they common sensical as in considering what’s best for all? In the example of desiring success, we can get to realize how ‘success’ is not something that will get in our hands just like money raining down the sky – it won’t ever happen that way. We will find out how we have to actively create success, how to go step by step, bit by bit, developing a consistency, a perseverance, an active process of planning, doing, testing, expanding and finding ways and relationships that can assist us to get – slowly but surely – to a point of stability, growth, thriving and expansion through one’s own labor, through one’s own dedication, passion and consistency in creating what it is that we want to achieve.

Here a ‘desire’ then turns into a point that we can plan on, that we can turn into a set of plans, ways, methods to achieve what we want for our lives and that of others – then we are no longer caught day-dreaming within ‘a desire’ but instead, one can get hands on to create it, to make it a reality.

But let’s look at another example. Desiring someone else’s partner while we are in a relationship ourselves. It’s not something we would easily admit yet it can happen and it can become a ‘desire’ that we are fueling with our every thought on a daily basis and we are not even really questioning, what is it that we ARE in fact desiring, seeing the direct consequences of what it would mean to wreak havoc in relationships in order to satisfy an ‘idea,’ most likely a belief and a ‘positive experience’ that we have created in our minds about that other person that we’ve turned into a ‘desirable item’ for us, which is unfortunately something I have done in the past, and as much as one can be ashamed for it, being ashamed changes nothing. I had to ensure that I learn from the experience and no longer repeat the same in any way from now on, which means I have to investigate what am I desiring as a ‘person’ and instead doing the same self-investigation mentioned above to see and understand what am I separating myself from in relation to that person? What traits or qualities am I seeing as ‘separate’ from me that instead of desiring to ‘acquire them’ through a relationship, I can live out and integrate as a part of myself?

In this process of investigating how feasible, doable and supportive this example of desire is, I can realize that it’s not at all something acceptable, it’s not something that is best for me nor for the other person for that matter, where I am overseeing the fact that I am actually desiring relationship breakups in order to get together with that one person that I believe is going to ‘be better for me’ in one way or another. This point here we usually miss out when simply feeding and building up a desire, without at all really laying out the potential consequences of manifesting our desires. Therefore how I saw the point, it was not even a question that this desire is something that I have to self-forgive for all the points I am missing out as consequences I would create, while only existing in and following an experience of desiring something or someone, without placing my feet on the ground.

This reality check that we can do with our desires from my personal experience has to be at a written level, with the tools of self-forgiveness and self-honesty in order to acknowledge our creation, our responsibility and see where do we really want to stand in relation to our fabrications in our mind. There is something essential about this process of being able to see ourselves writing or typing out and seeing in front of us all the plethora of thoughts, experiences, fantasies, imaginations that we’ve built up or accumulated about these desires, to finally realize ‘these-I-are’ as these thoughts, these feelings are myself and I have to work through them all to from there see what do I decide to change, to stop feeding as ‘a desire in me’ and how can I instead use this realization into a supportive outcome for myself and so others as well.

In the topic of relationships, sometimes it is an indication of where we have to instead focus on our already existent relationship with another – or the relationship with ourselves, alone – and see how can we improve it, how can we expand in it, how can we use this ‘weakness’ perceived in ourselves or others and instead assist each other to change it, to strengthen ourselves which in turn makes the relationship a much more supportive platform for personal and so each other’s growth. While also making sure that we ‘leave the other person subject of our desires’ outside of our realm of fantasies and imaginations making a decision to stop feeding it every single moment that it ‘comes up’ again in our thoughts.  If we are to create a world where transparency, integrity, honor and respect reigns, we have to apply and live those principles within ourselves and toward each other first of all.

Here I have shared two examples of desires that indicates to us where do we have to create a direction in our lives to build and create what we want to be and become – and another example of a desire that is mostly indicating where we are separating ourselves from ourselves, where we can look at ways to integrate words, ways of living that we see others are doing for themselves and become that ourselves, which is where the ‘these-I-are’ reminder also comes handy, I have the potential to be that which I am desiring from someone else, I can work on developing and becoming those aspects or words as myself.

This is a genuinely empowering way to look at desires where we no longer just ‘renounce’ or ‘deny’ the desires in an attempt to ‘shut them up’ or pretend they don’t’ exist – no. Within the Desteni I Process, we face our desires, we open them up, we work with them, we learn how to understand the ways in which we are separating ourselves from our own potential, while also assisting ourselves to remain realistic and self-honest about what is possible to do or not do according to what we would ‘ideally’ want vs. what is realistic and doable for each one of us to build and create in our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

Desires

 

Learn how to practically free yourself from Desires:

Advertisements

About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

One response to “484. Redefining Desires

Share your Realizations

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: