491. From Tantrums to Self-Responsibility

After I wrote yesterday’s blog I kept looking at how we all have tantrums and they appear in various ways/manners like anger, frustration, hopelessness, despair, guilt, shame, regret, victimization, revenge, addictive behaviors and the source of it all which is blame in which we make ourselves believe that we are powerless to change things, to change the outcome of our creation, when it is really not so.

 

So in my case I’ll look at how I have created a pattern of using a high pitched voice in order to shift away my responsibility and so manipulate others to make themselves responsible or at fault for something.

It’s also interesting because when I had the chat with my mother, many times throughout my life whenever I have had my anger tantrums, she’s said: ‘you should have a mirror in front of you to see how you look like when you react like this’ and this was precisely mentioned in some recent interviews as well wherein, we could record ourselves while being in some anger possession or victimization possession and take a look at how our entire facial expression changes and in my case eyes widen up and all the muscles on the face tense up and in general, yeah let’s accept it, we look demonic to say the least. Well that’s ourselves allowing ourselves getting possessed in a series of gestures/mannerisms and voice tonality – of course words in that – which want to point fingers at/blame others for something that we have caused and created ourselves.

 

And I know how this looks in others but have I really looked at myself in the mirror in those moments, not really but I have played around enough in front of the mirror with different faces to know how scary it might look in fact, but the point is precisely to realize how we physically express ourselves when bringing through/channeling an energetic experience in ourselves, be it only a voice tonality or a complete set of facial expressions and even behaviors that become tantrumy like kicking stuff or throwing stuff around, which I’ve done in the past several times when possessed in complete anger. It’s not fun, I mean it solves nothing yet for some reason we allow ourselves to act out that energy that has been also piled up from a long time. So the solution is to go taking responsibility for our own creation, to be willing to look at how we got to create something and in doing so, remind ourselves of our ability to direct the situation without having to be reacting/going mad about it.

For some people this might sound common sensical, but for some others like with myself, it’s been life-long patterns where I can easily flare up to a boiling point and any outcome from it has never been anything good, but the other way around, a source of shame and regret for allowing myself to be so pissed off about something that I try to destroy everything around me in an attempt to ‘sort out the problem’ which is not the point at all.

Here I’ll look into using the voice tonality of disempowerment, victimization, whiney/why-me voice that has been such a prominent thing in me since childhood.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use a voice tonality that is high pitched containing strains of complaint, blame, frustration and victimization wherein I use it every time that I want to make someone else responsible for what I’m experiencing, for what I did or didn’t do and at the same time, it is implying a manipulation point wherein I want to sound ‘distress’ so that others will want to  ‘do whatever they can’ to make me happy/stable again if I keep talking this high-pitched and whiney, complainer-mode, when in fact this is nothing else but a series of reactions that I have created in order to abdicate my responsibility from what I caused or created, did or didn’t do.  The core of this is precisely seeing how I’ve adopted a manipulation expression from a very young age which I remember hearing possibly sisters do and so seeing how parents would obey to such whiney tones and do whatever they could to sort out the situation, when in fact what should be done by parents is Not to react to a tantrum, not to be moved at all by this manipulation tonality and instead keep firm and stable to common sense, to ensure that self-responsibility is explained to the kid from a very early age, so that next time we as kids can actually desist from even going into the ‘whiney’ mode because we will know by default that it won’t change anything and so, we rather focus directly on sorting things out, creating solutions or simply assuming and living through the consequence the best way possible to learn from it, and so prevent it in a future time.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to activate this whiney mode with people with whom I’ve grown to be very comfortable with like my parents and my partner, wherein I’ve noticed many times that I’m using this ‘whiney mode’ when I’m actually manipulating them to do something for me that I am not being willing to do, like assume my responsibility within something and instead use this whiney-tonality as a way to get them do as I say, which is tyrannical to say the least but unfortunately it did work some times while growing up which is why I have adopted this mixture of reactions as disempowerment, victimization, complaint, frustration, powerlessness into a voice that I expressed in order to manipulate others around me to get to ‘sort things out for me’ as I’ve usually done when I was a child and saw ‘parents’ as the ones that could ‘sort my mess out’ – not realizing that this is how we all become dependent on an ‘authority figure’ to sort things out for us, where we don’t learn of our creations and consequences, and instead simply learn to ‘throw tantrums’ to sort things out, which is nothing else but acting out in our minds to have someone else ‘do the work for us’ – this is the origin of self-irresponsibility and personal disempowerment at the same time, because then we will always be depending on ‘others’ to sort out our lives and experiences. 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to manipulate people with a voice tonality that is a common way to get people to believe ‘I am in discomfort, I am not having a good time about something’ and so through the voice tonality attempt to manipulate others to attend my plea, to get to fix something for me, to do something for me that I am not willing to do out of laziness, out of not wanting to assume my responsibility or simply out of convenience, wherein each time I do notice a moment afterward that I have just manipulated another one to do this for me, and it’s not a great experience at all because I notice how ‘easy’ it came out and how ‘easy’ it was to obtain the desired outcome.

 

The correction point here is committing myself to be more aware of myself whenever I am already seeing myself preparing to bring out the ‘whiney-voice’ that is attempting to manipulate or show disempowerment about something – even complaint – so that ‘others’ can step in and ‘help me’ with things, which is where I have to stand on my ground, don’t give into my own sense of disempowerment and be self honest: taking responsibility for the things I am attempting to get others to do for me, not giving into the law of the least effort that seeks to manipulate others to do things for me – and as well, whenever I see that I genuinely could ask for help in doing something, I can do so in a stable, sober voice making a simple question that prompts an answer of yes or no to assist me, instead of having to bring out all sorts of reasons and justifications to get someone to ‘help me’ or ‘do something for me’ which are all unnecessary really and have become more of a mind habit than a real self-direction.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief that the ‘whiney mode’ is a ‘cute way’ to ask for things, linking this to myself as a child where I genuinely had to ask others for certain things, so it became convenient for me to at times seek to be ‘the grown up’ and sometimes remain as a child that can still ‘go into disempowerment’ in order to manipulate others to do things for me, which I have to definitely grow out of no matter how subtle this pattern is in the way I speak it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have criticized many times people in my past – as friends/ people I knew – that I noticed would speak in this childish/whiney voice whenever they were asking something they wanted to their parents or partners and I would go into a judgment toward them of being ‘too childish’ and manipulative – again, forgetting that that which I am judging in ‘others’ exists in myself and I missed out investigating it within me first of all, which I can see now is very much still alive as a pattern in me, which hereby I commit myself to stop.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to conveniently speak in a high pitched voice whenever I am attempting to present myself as ‘needing help’ or ‘wanting someone to do something for me that I want’ which is a form of manipulation not only towards others, but towards myself, wherein I know I am becoming a fake expression of myself since I am aware that my voice in a ‘normal state’ is not at all whiney or high pitched, but can be very stable, settled, deep and without any ‘dramatization’ involved, so here I commit myself to not only become more aware of how I speak towards those people that are closest to me in a continuous basis = therefore that I’ve become more comfortable with, but also how I do this with strangers like with people I need to ask a favor of or need help of something with, to know that asking for a favor, asking for help does not need this whiney tonality to make it easier to get a ‘yes’ for support.

Here is then how I can stop this ‘whiney’ programming for once and for all, within and without of myself because if I can learn how to ask in a stable and regular voice manner –  I can then support to stopping the chains of patterns around manipulation and victimization linked to voice manipulation or high pitched tonalities of disempowerment,  based on the awareness that these are not best for all habits and ways that I would like to feed as part of our patterns in humanity.

Hereby then I commit myself to acknowledge my responsibility first of all Before jumping into an exertion of responsibility to others, attempting and/or seeking to get a solution from others to my situation through whining about it and instead, asses my responsibility, acknowledge the consequences, learn from them and move on.

Otherwise if I see that there is a point where I can genuinely ask others for support, I can do so in a stable, deep voice wherein I no longer manipulate myself or others, but be willing to accept a ‘no’ as an answer and be ok with it, knowing that at least I didn’t fall into a manipulation pattern to ‘get a yes’ – or get beyond my belief that I need to ‘manipulate’ with a childish/whiney voice in order to ‘get a yes’ to support me, and realize that what matters is the words and the asking, not the voice tonality or theatrics around it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recreate the childhood patterns in me towards my mother every time that I take advantage of my relationship with my parents and bring up this ‘spoiled’ attitude of using a whiney voice whenever I want to get things to be done ‘my way’ or do ‘what I want’ and still manipulate through words and voice tonality, even attitudes in order to get my point of self-interest and satisfaction, which is really unacceptable to be continuing in me and so, I commit myself to stop seeing my parents as people that I can ‘still manipulate’ in one way or another through words, voice tonalities and instead, see them as my equals wherein I first make sure I take my own responsibility and create my own solutions, rather than seeing it ‘easy’ to just ask them for a solution or to fix something for me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use whiney voices asking something from my partner where the intent behind it is to appear less ‘bossy’ towards him and something that I request and ‘soften the blow’ of asking something, instead of realizing that this is really deceptive and it does nothing, because if I was in his shoes, I’d appreciate a sober, frank and direct asking – as he is – rather than using manipulative ways to get things done. Instead I have to practice asking directly, without expectations, without manipulations, without ‘intentions’ as experiences in my voice in order to get my desired outcome, but be devoid of a hidden agenda and learn to simply ask, in a simple, stable and sober manner in my expression, which I commit to develop and practice every moment that I get an opportunity to do so from now on.

Time to grow out of these whiney patterns

 

Thanks for reading

 

Why why why whiney me

 

Join us in our process of Self-Responsibility as LIFE

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

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