493. Hitting Rock Bottom and Learning to Question It

There’s a challenge going around to share about our ‘Hitting Rock Bottom’ Experience and I can relate to what many others have shared in relation to getting to a point of seeing ‘no point’ in life or ‘finding no meaning to life’ and seeing all the consequences out there that we usually react to like wars, famine, corruption, dying of animal species, pollution and general ‘reckless behavior’ in humanity that I several times used as an excuse, a reason and justification for me to believe there is ‘no point’ in continuing living because ‘it will be impossible to change anything in this world for the better.’

I made of the reality of the world an Experience within me which became a state of anger, hopelessness, helplessness, disempowerment, lostness, depression and seeing ‘no point’ in living. What’s interesting is that my rock bottom was precisely because of not understanding my own experiences generated through my own mind by my own participation in these constant thoughts about ‘the world out there.’

I wasn’t aware that I was the one causing myself to be existing in this very tormented experience that I would cause with feeding myself of news and data about the state of affairs in the world where every single time I’d end up turning it all into an experience of powerlessness, anger towards those I believed were in positions of authority to ‘change the world’, I would  complain and criticize whoever I could without Ever asking myself… but how am I participating in all of this? How is it that I am making of all of the problems in the world this experience within me that doesn’t practically change anything at all?

I never properly asked those questions, which is why I led myself to various ways to evade myself in a belief of ‘there being nothing to live for’ or ‘the world is doomed and so am I’. I had given up on ‘the world’ and was decided to stay away ‘as much as I could’ from people and become an isolated individual that doesn’t have to participate with other people, that doesn’t have to continue being into politics and social affairs, I was making a decision to seek some truth in a spiritual manner, lol.

So yes! What I can identify as a personal life crisis was precisely happening right before I got to know of Desteni and right after I discovered it, and I’ll always say that I saved my life with Desteni’s tools of self-support and explanations to get to be aware ‘who we are’ in reality in this world, because I was willing to go down many rabbit holes in an attempt to escape reality and find some solace in some ‘higher truths’ of all kinds… not nice, not pretty even though the intent was still that of ‘wanting to make some changes in the world,’ I was about to dive deeply into the spirituality-loop where I had started to focus more on all things positive while continuing to suppress a lot of emotional turmoil, various relationships in my life that were Not supportive at all and in essence being in a very uncomfortable position where I decided to keep an appearance of ‘everything is fine and I am enjoying myself’ when I was not, at all, it was the saddest and most confusing time in my life and that’s because I had to own my decisions in life at the moment and compromise myself in the belief that I could not ‘show to the world’ how miserable I am because… what will everyone say? This was right at the beginning of my career and even if I had the friends and relationships, nope, nothing seemed to ‘lessen the void’ really.

I had a rough time back then which, by the way stopped on a day like today but 9 years ago that I watched the first Desteni videos and from there my life took another turn where I was then going to be going through a momentary ‘life crisis’ due to my reactions upon realizing who we really are and what has been going on in the world, in this reality without any of us having been aware of it throughout our entire existence! That was also a tough time because suddenly I could realize that I could drop all of my intents to find some ‘truth out there’ but then I had to actually start dismantling the ‘me’ that I had built as myself, the personalities, the ways of evading my self-responsibility, I had to start questioning and letting go of the experiences that even if they were clearly Not supportive for myself I had grown in a way addicted to live out and feed as ‘who I am’ every single day.

So I can say that starting this process was also a tempestuous time in my life which lasted around 2 days of believing that ‘my life was about to end’ when in fact, lol, that was only me as my mind throwing a massive tantrum because I could not believe that ‘my life had been an entire lie!’ – though of course this was an initial and very premature reaction which I externalized through an email to people at the Desteni forum and I was very glad to receive a personal response from now my many years friend and fellow Destonian Talamon explaining me with all the right and supportive words that all of that despair that I was experiencing was only an experience in my mind, that it wasn’t ‘the real me’ as the potential of who I am as life. Bam! That was the first time that I was able to make a decision to see my reactions as a part of me as my mind = therefore only real as long as I continue Making them real – this was me realizing that I could decide to stop, something I could decide to change and investigate to see what is behind this experience of ‘everything is lost’ and then getting to see in common sense that this was clearly one of those resistances I was acting out in my mind, which are very common when getting to know more about the truth of ourselves… we first fight it, deny it, hide away from, sometimes ‘demonize it’ it until we make that decision to see, to stand, to embrace the truth and reality which was actually the best and most empowering decision I’ve ever made in my life and one that has changed my life until today.

I find it interesting though that I can recall that ‘hitting rock bottom’ experience linked to finding about Desteni and having what I called back then a ‘massive breakdown’ of crying and being super confused and depressed, but it only took me to write an email – yes, very desperate one, lol – to get some support and I realized that indeed, I was only acting out upon it and that the actual process had yet to be started by me.

Since then there is this awareness that whenever I am driving myself into any experience of utter discomfort, reactions, sadness, depression – what do I know? I am creating it myself, I am turning my attention away from myself, in what I am accepting and allowing within me, what I am creating in my life to the all-time favorite distraction which has been of turning the ‘world affairs’ into my Own experience of depression or hopelessness. It is a personal decision I am making there to turn ‘the outside’ experience into my own experience and I have to say that till this day and year, this is something I still continue to work with because my ‘weak point’ is precisely being too focused on ‘all the problems in the world’ and then internalizing them as ‘my experience’ because I had believed that doing so makes me a person ‘that cares’ or that is willing to be in solidarity with every single sentient being that is suffering in this world – but emotions won’t ever sort out anything, emotions won’t ever create a solution to it all, only I can be and stand as a solution starting with stopping my own reactions to a few aspects of the world and in doing so, stop the very cycles in my mind that recreate those same problems in the within and without of ourselves.

Therefore hitting the rock bottom is more like a compounded experience that is entirely self-created every time that I accept and allow myself to participate in thoughts that I create emotional reactions with, using ‘logic’ as knowledge and information to justify an experience within my mind in an attempt to show care, to ‘become’ mentally and physically affected as a way to ‘stand with those that suffer’, which is really bizarre if I look at it that way because my suffering or emotional tantrums won’t ever sort anything out, yet within a righteousness as the justifications in our minds, it’s easy to create such equations and believe that if we all become emotional about something, we will be able to change it, which is not so – been there, done that, never works.

What I have  to every single time remind myself of is that I decide to create these experiences or not, that I can make a decision to stop reacting emotionally to facts, to situations going on in my world and that I have to stop feeding the ‘hopelessness’ character with every single bit of information or world-awareness fact that I could ‘add’ to the same character where I would start justifying my experience due to ‘the world out there’ – this is what has to stop, not only in me but in all of us.

The point is therefore to focus on our own stopping of the suffering cycles of emotional reactions and ‘breakdowns’ within our own mind and acknowledge the responsibility we have to our own inner experience, that’s the first thing I had to take care of right away when realizing that I was causing this tantrum/emotional breakdown in my mind and that I had the ability to stop it. It was truly as if the whole world had opened up to me in that moment and ever since, it’s been easier to step out of me ‘creating my cases’ to step into a sense of depression, helplessness, hopelessness and so forth because I would be deceiving myself into my own ways of ‘escapism’ from myself.

Instead every single time with continued diligence, self-support and learning from others in this process, I’ve been able to stand up every time and the ‘lostness’ lasts less and less every time around though, I am tested every time with this point and this ‘propensity’ to become emotional about the ‘state of the world’ and every time I have to remind myself: back to self, focusing on myself, not making of the problems ‘out there’ my inner experience because this serves nothing and no one, this doesn’t sort out any of the problems, I only wreck myself and my body with it – I have to instead live by and practically apply the principles of self-honesty, self-responsibility and self-investigation to no longer judge or react at the world ‘out there’ but rather see how I can assist myself to stop reacting and focus on my own living creation, on who and what I want to create in my life.

This is also how I stopped my ideas of ‘losing meaning on this life’ or ‘pondering about the meaning of life’ which were also questions that I would use to taunt myself into a ‘bottom’ of depression and sadness, lol, never questioning myself ‘but wait a minute, how is it that I want to make of life a piece of knowledge an information as a ‘meaning’ instead of Living it?’

I can only be eternally grateful that I’ve been able to learn how to debunk my own mental entrapments and acknowledge and apply my ability to change my experience – yet, as I explained, this is always a choice I have to make: do I decide to turn this moment into an emotional experience, or do I decide to learn to see it objectively for what it is, to see reality as is and learn from the patterns it is presenting, learning from the consequences caused, learning to see myself as co-creator of this entire world and reality where I have to no longer fall into my own ‘mind-control’ by sinking into a depression.

The the real change resides in our ability to stand clean and clear, sober, in full dedication of ourselves to LIFE, to OUR lives first and foremost because, if we are not The Best for ourselves, how can we in any way ‘assist’ others out there? How can we in any way ‘show the way’ to create solutions if we haven’t done that for ourselves first of all? And this has been a humbling realization and a very supportive one so that I could finally understand that I didn’t have to go ‘saving the world’ or ‘others’ or trying to create a ‘revolution’ out there, but start with myself.

And over these now as of today 9 years since day 1 of creating this awareness of this existential process of birthing life in the physical, all that I can say is that I am grateful to myself for allowing me to hear and ‘try out’ the tools of self-support like writing, applying self-forgiveness and developing self-honesty, developing the Courage it takes to develop self-honesty and I am definitely only in the first phase of this process with everyone else – whether aware of it or not –  there’s much more to create and keep debunking within myself as the redirection of who I am in my mind and in my reality.

However, one point that I’d like to share as a last bit of support whenever facing similar ‘existential questionings’ or ‘seeing no way out’ in this reality, remember to realize that these questions will lead nowhere, because Life is Not an Experience, Life is not Knowledge and Information, Life is about Living. And Living in the common sensical and best definition it is and implies, it’s all about applying oneself in this process that I am so fortunate to be aware of and walking in this reality, which is that of dedicating one’s life to develop self-honesty and live in common sense.

This is also why invariably the topic of ‘hitting rock bottom’ leads to me suggesting anyone to gift yourself the Desteni Process, because that is the ultimate way to debunk our ‘rock bottoms’ forever and see them for what they are: as mental tantrums – really – and instead learn to create one’s life, learn to focus on what’s really substantial to live and do in this world. We decide, we always can decide to step into life and out of the mental conundrums and conflictive experiences.

Thanks for reading

Hangouts within the DIP Channel sharing more about this topic by several Destonians:

Practical Self-Empowerment: Moving Beyond the Rock and a Hard Place

Empowerment Through Practical Solutions in a Hopeless Time

HAVE YOU LOST ALL HOPE FOR HUMANITY?

Angry at the World and Want to do Something about it?

 

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Join us in our process of Self-Responsibility as LIFE

 

 

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About Marlen

I'm a human being that has decided to live by the principle of Life in Equality and place myself as a point of support for everyone that's willing to birth themselves as Life in this world. View all posts by Marlen

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