Or what I observed about myself in a recent dream and how it relates to our possibility stand up in worst case scenarios
I had an interesting dream a few days ago that I find relevant to share because it speaks about my own relationship to emotions and specially fears that were represented quite well in my dream and who I was able to stand as in the dream, which was quite a surprising thing for myself and it relates very much to how I’ve been seeing myself quite stable and grounded regardless of some drastic changes in my life.
I was in a place where there were goats, like a mix of ox-goats because they were very strong and bulky, they were very unsettled and all over the place looking to simply ‘attack’ according to how I saw them – and immediately upon seeing myself in that situation, I got scared and feared that one of them would incrust its horns on my body and I’d end up dead on the spot. This actually happened immediately, what happened next is that the ox-goat was holding me with its horns against the wall and hurting me, yet when seeing myself in this situation – which dare I say for a dream is a ‘worst case scenario’ for sure – I made a decision to not give into panic and desperation, but rather do all that I could to soften up the situation, to slow down within myself and so with the animal.
I actually decided to connect with the ox-goat and aim to tranquilize him, to calm him down and so when he had me ‘pinned’ against the wall I embraced the goat/ox and started to quiet myself inside my mind and focused on breathing deeply until I was essentially still within myself. I interpret it as me going into the depth of myself, that part that is always here, as us, that part that is physical and stable, here, grounded and to my surprise it worked, which caused a little excitedness but I knew this could ‘wake him up again’ so I kept focusing on the stability, the breathing and holding the ‘beast’ as equal to myself, in that physicality and stability.
At the same time upon seeing the results, I knew that at the very least emotional ‘upheaval’ within me or attempt to let go out of fear, it could go back into the previous state wherein he was quite accelerated and literally all over the place wanting to hurt anyone he could. I was assessing this in that moment of being calm and embracing, yet I knew that then my ‘staying in physical stability’ and such calm and focusing on my breathing would have been also ‘fake’ if I was only doing it out of fear of ‘disturbing the beast again’ or only as a way to ‘save myself.’
So I had to correct my starting point again and continue breathing with it, embracing it, and being stable together and that’s all I can remember of that dream but I really liked the solution that I applied even in that very ‘worst case scenario’ of being wounded myself by its horns and I could also see the ox/goat wounded at the same time and instead of fearing, crying or just waiting to surrender to ‘my outcome,’ I decided to calm myself down and in doing so also get to calm the animal down and my intent was to show him he didn’t have to be all over the place, he could be at ease and peace within, which I had to stand as in equality to demonstrate it.
It was very cool indeed because as with any dreams, it’s not like they are just ‘made up’ things by our minds but currently dreams represent deep aspects about ourselves wherein we can actually apply our corrections, our processes of standing up even in situations that might seem ‘out of control’. Surely, maybe in real life this wouldn’t be possible and I would have been killed on the spot, lol, but what matters for the sake of the dream and my self-reflection is the decision I made right there to support myself and the animal as well to breathe, to be here, to be fully present, to get to our core and essence of both being physical and being able to recognize each other as equals, to not continue in the emotional upheaval or ‘fighting’ and ‘harming.’
This is quite a cool solution for myself wherein I can make sure that whenever I see myself going into emotions and be ‘all over the place’ I can decide to stop the inner-fight, the inner-conflict and simply embrace myself, remind myself of the core and physicality I am that is not of conflict, not of emotions, not of ‘fighting’ but where we can exist in a genuine stability as a way to support ourselves to calm down and essentially stop harming ourselves, because emotions do have a damaging effect on the body and it’s not cool at all to keep ‘rewinding’ our mind-cassettes that pump our emotions – or feelings – and eventually end getting us into a situation of self-harm, of self-disrespect, of dishonor, of pain, of sorrow, of hatred, of violence towards oneself or others – we definitely have to get out of that loop and instead learn to tranquilize ourselves, calm ourselves down, slow down and realize that just like in the dream, if one keeps ‘at it’ in our minds, generating emotions or feelings, causing continuous inner conflict, we’ll end up screwing ourselves, our lives, our bodies and our minds even more. There’s nothing ‘good’ that’s ever going to come out by acting out with emotions.
So I find it interesting that I had to see this in a more physical way and how I was hurting myself and what I had to do to precisely stop myself from getting wounded, and this dream came after a moment where I was becoming angry and in an experience of irritation for a situation I have created in my life, which I noticed was not the right way to follow through with and that I had to stop and take responsibility for my reactions, because nothing good was going to come out of it. This dream also came in the night after I wrote out the blog 506. From Despair to a Constructive Aftermath
where I wrote out and created a resolution for myself to not be ‘destructive’ against myself or others in the aftermath of a situation, but learn from it and change.
In a way here also to look at the name I’ve given to the animal as ‘the beast’ and how a beast is actually a physical being, have no mind as we do yet have instincts that are defined by survival, hence defense mechanisms, so upon showing that I meant no harm, I wasn’t playing out the ‘counter part’ to its reason to be exalted and all over the place, which then assists the other – the beast in this case – to calm down as well.
This is a cool confirmation for me, a genuine decision to stand up even in such situations and focus on the physical, literally, holding that ‘beast’ which I can see as my own emotional reactions and breathe with it, stabilize myself with it and prevent harm and further abuse within myself and toward others.
Breathing, stabilizing, calming oneself down are points we usually ‘forget’ about when we justify our emotions, but this image of myself being tackled by the ox can serve as a reminder for me to realize what I am doing to myself when being ‘all over the place’ with emotions or in an inner-conflict and instead, breathe, embrace my physicality, slow down and live words that are supportive for the moment.
Thanks for reading and keep an eye on your dreams!
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