613. Understanding

 

This has been a keyword for myself over this year that’s closing today and I’ve found great satisfaction and even pleasure in getting to understand myself – and not only myself – but also get to know and understand others better. It makes everything much simpler and much more enriching and expansive to place myself in a position of unconditionally getting to know myself and others, getting to know more facts and details about each person that I’ve come to establish a relationship in one way or another throughout this year, which started with rekindling a relationship with myself after having placed myself in a ‘second position’ in my life for a while based on having focused too much on others or trying to change people in and through relationships.

This last point however is one that I have to constantly be aware of within me, which comes along with believing I can say something that can suddenly inspire others to be better or change things in their life. I noticed how this desire still comes through as ‘subtle suggestions’ that I believe would better people’s lives in one way or another. I had fun discussing about these things with someone that has had the same ‘weakness’ as I have when dealing with people or standing in a position of guidance or leadership, and the conclusion is that there is a need to let go whenever there’s this imperious need that comes like an urge to want to influence others or make them change their mind or just do things the way I do. It is ludicrous, I know, and not every person may experience this, but I’ve found people that go through this exact same ‘inner conflict’ at times to know when to step back, when to intervene, when to give a little push, when to open up something that is quite obvious to be talked about with another and the realization is that there is no magical formula for it.

It is and will be something that one can direct according to the person, who we are in relation to them, the nature of the relationship, how far we are able to walk with the person through a certain process and how involved are we in fact able to be within such process of assisting others in ways that are actually sustainable, without compromising one’s own life or maiming another’s growth and realizations. Ultimately what I see is that this also comes from a desire to prevent people from walking consequence, but I’ve also come to understand how for myself and probably for many more people, walking through consequence is at times a needed thing in order to learn things that we might not have gotten to understand unless we had walked down the ‘wrong’ path so to speak, so I had to understand this ability to make mistakes and learn from it as part of the learning and growing process.

To me it’s relevant to check out whenever I am stepping into the ‘savior syndrome’ or wanting to ‘change others’ as a primary focus in my life, and how that is also indicating that I am not focusing on myself sufficiently, which is why I go focusing more in others’ lives in an attempt to provide ‘guidance’ or ‘support,’ but as I’ve been there and done that many times, I can’t base my whole life in being ‘that’ for others, because it leads to bitterness and dissatisfaction. I’ve also come to understand my role is to live myself to the best and fullest I can and stop trying to diminish myself and my existence to be ‘there for others’ all the time.

More so than before, I am realizing how each one has a very specific path to walk and that it doesn’t really require my direct intervention on it – yep! As far fetched as it may sound some of us have this idea that we have to be constantly ‘intervening’ in things and people’s lives if they are any close to us to ‘change them for the better,’ which is quite the impossible savior task that I definitely have to let go of. I’ve instead come to understand how this is simply a more natural process that opens up based on being part of someone’s life and process – but, it’s not something that I have to deliberately go finding or seeking to do either.

I used to be existing within this almost anxious state of being of having to constantly be correcting, suggesting things for others to be changed or wanting to save them in whichever way I came to be aware of. As I was discussing this with a friend of mine recently, I realized how it is still quite a thing for me to let go of, that urge and need to tell others that they are messing up their life if they continue to do this/that or question their detrimental habits and ways in an attempt to make them think about themselves and their lives a bit further.

So, a point that I have to continue working on is letting go of this need to ‘create an impact’ on others and deliberately seeking to do that, and instead focus on creating myself, focusing on being that very person that I’d like to become as an example and inspiration for others to consider what living a life in a supportive manner means. Therefore this is the end of the preacher and converter for a better life and instead get fully into working on myself. Sure, I can give feedback and support if asked for it, but I will continue to watch out whenever I feel an urge or ‘need’ to change someone’s life with my words or actions.

This is all to me part of my process of understanding myself, understanding my design, my needs and experiences in order to now let others be, let others walk the path they decide to walk and simply be here when and if people ever want to ask and know more about myself or different ways of living – and if it never happens, that’s ok too. Actions speak louder than words and that’s what I want to focus on: living words and that’s where I meet with myself, instead of trying to find myself through having an impact or influencing others in their own life.

Here’s to the closure of a life changing year where my world was flipped upside down in various ways and where I decided to mark the beginning of the new me, the creation of myself and this point explained here is a key stepping stone in this new phase in my life.

Thanks for reading and walking with

 

Understanding

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE

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About Marlen

I share my realizations and perspectives within learning how to live life in self-honesty in the Desteni Process to expand and grow as a person in this world. #IMatter View all posts by Marlen

One response to “613. Understanding

  • Kasper Kwan

    There’s a lot of space you can explore and play around with when it comes to walking your own process. I personally never bothered to influence others, but I imagine some of the frustration trying to walk other’s paths for them includes not seeing more that one can walk in one’s own path. So that idle part of you that wants things to move – that you may project onto others – you can bring it back to myself and explore specifics specific to your own personality that you know best, optimizing daily weekly routines and aligning who you are within what you do every day. That’s essentially the point that keeps me content with my life, I hope you’ll find what will let you remain content, because we’re in it for the long haul. A project like the 7 Year Journey to Life and the Equal Money System is going to take some time. Thanks for sharing

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