Author Archives: Marlen

About Marlen

I'm a human being that has decided to live by the principle of Life in Equality and place myself as a point of support for everyone that's willing to birth themselves as Life in this world.

483. Standing Our Ground in the Physical

Or how to practically apply the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ in our physical process.

Sharing here some of what we opened up in an Eqafe hangout today with Garbrielle, where we could look at a practical way of understanding what it means to decide ‘Who I Am’ in every moment based on the two ‘options’ that we exist as and ‘have’ as a potential of self creation: for the bettering of ourselves, or for the worse or remaining stuck in a status quo in our minds.

The premise is that we are existing as a triad of parts/aspects that conform who we are as human beings: we have the mind, a being/beingness and physical body.

The mind exists as all the points of separation as the relationships to energy that we have formed and existed as which is everything that leads us to create or recreate the worst aspects of ourselves: self-sabotage, compromise, addictive patterns, destructive behaviors, only seeing problems, creating notions of polarities like inferiority and superiority, morality and the rest of our ‘mind subjects’ that are in no way physical per se, but that we end up making physical when we act upon them.

We have our physical body which is the element of substance, of life manifested, that exists as the living and physical example of what it means to be in stability, consistency, resilience, flexibility, adaptability, self-regulation and even autonomy dare I say because we have no idea all of the processes that our bodies go through in order to keep itself alive and adapting to all of the challenges in the environment, processing what we eat but also most importantly having to assimilate, digest and buffer all the experiences, the energetic experiences that we impose onto it through our participation in our minds.

Then we have the beingness or being which is that ‘spark of life’ – some people call it the spirit or our essence – which exists as that potential in all of us to either go on the way of life or go on the way of our minds.  As the word says, it is a Potential, it is not something ‘given’ but we have to directly develop it – it is not something that has been only ‘trapped in our mind’ or anything like that. It is that life within all of us that can go either way, to support the mind – which happens when we for example cannot reason or see a way out in a moment and can be stuck in an experience of anger for example, or an experience of love – different ‘charge’ but same effect – we get blinded by our experience without being able to step out of it in self-awareness. That’s the way that we have been mostly living as, dominated by energies, experiences, desires, fears and not establishing a directive principle in really looking at what would be most supportive for us to live, to decide to do or be. 

This implies that in the same way that this potential can be used for all things that are not supportive, we can also decide to take the other road of actually directing ourselves to self-creation, self-growth, self development as human beings, as life, which becomes a very real choice and so decision in every moment that we are alive in our day.

 

In the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ the point is recognizing that we have these three parts that we are ‘made of’ or composed of, which are now completely merged and fused, which means that it is not like we can just ‘turn off’ the mind and get rid of that ‘problematic’ aspect of ourselves and suddenly – magically – expect our beingness to come through and be ‘liberated.’ Nope, our mind is ourselves, it is that part of ourselves that we have to get to know, understand, investigate and learn how to ‘walk through it’ with the tools provided within the Desteni I Process: self-writing, self forgiveness, developing self-honesty and walking a practical corrective process that is entirely intended for us to start shifting away from the usual dominance of ‘who we are’ in our minds, into the uncovering, development and expansion that we can create when we decide to stand as and in that potential within our beingness and as our physical body in the name of life, in the name of common sense and what is best for us and so for all.

In that, how I see it, is that we have the two basic elements that will create the possibility for something to be created, something to exist. If we stand as our physical and as our beingness, then that in itself is us making a decision to stand as life, to live life, to direct ourselves in a supportive manner which in turn, becomes a decision and a ‘reasoning’ as well as a practical laying out of solutions that we plan and write out using our mind now as a tool, standing as the directive principle in our mind to no longer ‘fall into the same old patterns’ but now instead we can use our ability to reason, to write, to make assessments, to communicate, to direct ourselves to live the corrections laid out through writing where the mind then becomes this supportive part of ourselves that enables us to also walk through our mind itself and so, start practically changing the ‘dominant’ aspect of ourselves: from the mind as consciousness – with all the energetic experiences, memories, habits that usually lead to a non-supportive outcome  – to life in self-awareness as the physical.

This means we make a decision in our beingness to stand up, to see beyond the ‘usual patterns’ in our mind and instead, tap into the possibilities and potential that exists as our physical body and that aspect of ourselves that can be geared to support ourselves – for example, developing self-awareness, directing ourselves to do things differently and in a more supportive manner, trying out new ways and methods to create solutions to our problems, test out the consequences and outcomes, investigate ways in which we can expand our daily routines and interactions.  

Therefore what is always a decision for us is who do we decide to be: do we decide to go through the way of the mind, of energies, of conflict, of problems without seeing solutions – or do we decide to in a moment stand our ground, decide to do what will assist us and others, do the actual practical work and walking through initial resistances to do that which is ‘out of our script’, stepping out of self-limitations and instead develop the potential of who we can be once that we go stopping and so correcting our ‘usual ways’ of following our minds as energetic experiences.

‘Two or more in my name and I AM there’ – is an equation, two or more elements with the same purpose and intent and the outcome or result is that which each element in that 1+1 is intended to be and do.

This ‘I AM’ in the equation is what we have the ability to define as the decision of ‘who we are’ or ‘who do we decide to be’ in every moment of our days.

An example, if I stand in a moment with a decision to remain in some kind of anger experience or infatuation towards something, in that moment I am allowing myself to be directed through my experience in the mind, affecting the way my physical body feels and consequently, in my beingness as the core of myself, I am seeing ‘no way out’, I am not pushing for solutions or seeing possible ways to work with those experiences and overcome it. That ‘I AM’ that I am creating is that of consciousness, of the mind, of energies, of self-sabotage, of self-destruction and in essence becoming the ‘I AM’ as the lesser version of ourselves, less than our potential.

But if in that same moment where I see myself in the experience of anger and instead I make a decision to no longer drown in the experience but help myself out, like for example: I decide to write about the experience, the inner conflict that led to the anger, understand the experience as my creation, recognize my responsibility to it so that I can then proceed to self forgive it, understand that experience of anger as a part of myself that I have to correct and deal with, to see it as my creation that is here, waiting for me to take a supportive action to correct it and so create a preventive measure and solution to it.

In that moment I as my beingness along with the physical body decide to take the path of integrity, of self-honesty, of self-responsibility, of challenging ourselves to change that experience within us through actively investigating it, finding out the ways in which one can practically live the solution in, through and as our physical bodies that – along with ourselves standing up as our beingness in that decision of do what’s best for all, what’s supportive, of growth and expansion – we live the words and expressions as actions that signify “I AM supporting myself, I AM standing up, I AM taking responsibility, I AM creating life in a supportive manner” here it’s not about just making nice declarations – no, it’s about living these words through actually making the changes that would lead us to truly stand up, to truly live as self-responsible individuals. This is what creates a clear difference between the choice of living in the mind, in the illusions or delusions – or deciding to live in the physical process of self-responsibility, of self-support.

In making a decision to assist ourselves – the beingness/being standing as and with the physical body – enables ourselves to then see the mind as the aspect of ourselves that now has to accept our core decision and so, who we are and what we live through the mind will be directed/guided by us making and living that decision to live life, create life, change ourselves for the better.

What is left then is no other option or function for our mind other than becoming the aspect or part of us that rationalizes the process, that can process it as a living decision and in doing so, the mind is no longer this ‘thing’ that represents and brings up the worst in ourselves, but instead we use it to direct ourselves, to write, to communicate, to interact, to assess, to plan – etc. if we are to create a solid foundation to our lives, we have to decide ‘who we are’ in this ‘I AM’: do we take the road of the mind, energies, consciousness or do we take the road of self-creation, of living, of self-responsibility, self awareness and self honesty?

The choice is always ours, the choice is always existent in every moment where every interaction, every experience becomes an opportunity to live in a better way, in a self-honest and honorable way. It’s about deciding to see and live life differently which is a genuinely empowering and supportive decision and a living process that has changed my life for the best, there’s no doubt about it.

So, how about becoming aware of this basic decision in every moment of our days: can I push to become the better version of me in this moment? What do I have to practically do to achieve this? What limitations do I have to transform into a supportive outcome, one that can truly change our nature that we have tolerated for the worse for so long?

We decide! And that’s empowering

Thanks for reading and if you’d like to watch the hangout, here’s the link:

Atlanteans – The First Encounter with Anu – Part 21

As Garb said: Do I want to be part of the problem or do I want to be part of the solution?

I stand with the latter 🙂

 

Thanks for reading and watching

Two or More in My Name

Learn how to live your potential:


482. Redefining Empathy

Or How to stop the experience of ‘misery loves company’ as system-empathy into a practical understanding directed to create solutions.

Dictionary definition:

empathy 

   noun the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

 

ORIGIN

     early 20th cent.: from Greek empatheia (from em- ‘in’ + pathos ‘feeling’) translating German Einfühlung.

(pathos meaning suffering as well)

 

USAGE

            People often confuse the words empathy and sympathy. Empathy means ‘the ability to understand and share the feelings of another’ (as in both authors have the skill to make you feel empathy with their heroines), whereas sympathy means ‘feelings of pity and sorrow for someone else’s misfortune’ (as in they had great sympathy for the flood victims).

 

I had a ‘rough’ time that I was processing last week and trying to understand certain energetic experiences that I could not consciously ‘link to’ anything other than the situation that has emerged in my country from the beginning of this year. A lot of instability in relation to oil prices has led to inflation in prices, people protesting, people looting (or being paid to do so to destabilize the country) which has affected every single person that lives in this country in one way or another. So, even if I wrote about it here 471. Self-Forgiveness on Self-Limitation to make sense of the situation we are collectively creating and so facing, there was still an experience that would emerge in me, a form of restlessness, anxiety, fear, something genuinely not common in my day to day experience for a long time now.

So, upon sharing this with my buddy/support in walking this process from consciousness to awareness, we looked at how I may be at an unconscious level creating a form of empathy towards’ people’s mental states around here. People I’ve talked in my reality have also apparently identified the ‘tension’ in the air, as if we were just ‘picking it up’ but no, this doesn’t work that way, this requires one’s participation in our minds to be creating such despair, anxiety, confusion, fears and the rest of paranoia that comes when seeing our ‘usual stability’ suddenly be gone – as an initial ‘shock doctrine’ to be honest – and for the first time I saw myself being caught up in a form of mental anguish and collective paranoia that I wasn’t entertaining too much on a conscious level, but did become an experience within me without being able to ‘pin point’ exactly ‘why’ – until I tested this approach..

What we concluded is how I was creating a form of ‘empathy’ towards people living in this country as well, and at some level allowing myself thus to experience ‘the same as everyone else’: their worries, concerns, fears, I made them my own in a twisted manner of at a deep level thinking that ‘if they are going through this, I must do so as well’ see? Makes no sense, but that’s who we are in our minds: we make no sense at all! So, I called it also a form of ‘solidarity’, of course a Twisted form of solidarity where we tolerate/feed/consent each other’s experiences at a mind level that are of no support whatsoever, yet at some level we ‘believe’ that by us experiencing ‘what others do’ then it does some kind of ‘good’ or ‘sorts things out’ or any other delusion like that, because in reality, ‘feeling’ the same as other person won’t ever be a solution.

This comes out also as a realization of who we are as our emotions and feelings, as energetic experiences that only cause us to turn life into an energetic experience where we cannot see things straight because of being blinded by an emotion or a feeling (energetic experiences that are ‘negative’ and ‘positive’ respectively) in this case, believing that ‘everything is lost’ and ‘there’s no way around’ and falling into an experience of hopelessness which I’ve been writing about before. But the key point I had missed to look at is how I came to accept such experiences as ‘my own’ based on also seeing other people fall into the same collective paranoia. This made me the consider how often do we ‘become’ others’ experiences causing more problems than any form of solution.

Another example can be when upon seeing someone being super sad or depressed, I would also want to ‘express support and solidarity’ and in ‘empathizing’ with them and so become depressed and sad myself and agree to all of their reasons, excuses and beliefs of ‘how everything sucked in life’; then I would allow myself to ‘sink with them’ as a form of ‘being there for them’, eventually becoming my own problem caused by me accepting those experiences as ‘real’ as ‘who I really am’ – in essence, becoming my own mindfuck, really, sorry for the word but that’s what it is. We all know depression, anger, anguish, panic, hopelessness, euphoria, paranoia and the plethora of emotions or feelings I could name here won’t ever be a supportive experience for ourselves as human beings.

However, in our minds, we believe that ‘feeling what another is feeling’ is a way of supporting them, of assisting them – we believe that making their suffering our own is – in some twisted way – a form of care and support for them, when it is definitely not so. This I had to learn also through eventually seeing to what extent I indulged into very consequential experiences within myself in an attempt to empathize with friends, reinforcing personalities and patterns that already existed in me that were not supportive at all and caused myself to see ‘no way out’ at times either, because in any emotional experience, that’s usually the outcome: seeing no way out other than continuing feeling bad and suffering, which becomes a ‘normal state’ for many unfortunately, even a comfort zone as well to not push through the experience and change one’s life.

Here then my own practical self-support is to remind myself that ‘standing with others’ in difficult times does Not mean I have to go through and experience what they are going through as a form of ‘empathy’ or ‘solidarity’ – instead I have to redefine what Empathy can mean in a supportive manner, considering beforehand how imitating or experiencing a feeling in itself is a mind/mental experience that is not supportive at all, therefore, how to Live Empathy in a redefined manner?

Empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of another.

 

Here I’ve crossed out the part of the definition that I don’t need to live. No longer ‘sharing’ or ‘becoming’ the feelings myself, but understanding another is definitely something much more supportive which I in fact practice quite a bit when assisting others in facing their own minds as emotions, feelings, experiences where I have to immediately ‘look up them up’ in my own memories, to bring up similar experiences I faced and walked through in self-support, so that I can practically ‘place myself in their shoes’ to understand their experience – without me ‘becoming’ the experience itself any longer – but instead simply being able to see it, understand it as the pattern it is – whether it is an emotion, behavior, fear, habit, any type of experience really – that I can redirect towards focusing on how to best support oneself to transcend, walk-through, work on and correct/align that one experience and transform it into a supportive outcome, creating solutions and living them as a correction.

This leads me to add to that dictionary redefinition and make it something much more fulfilling and supportive. Because how I had seen it is that this dictionary-definition of empathy sounds to me like ‘misery loves company’ lol, which ultimately does nothing to sort out, solve or direct an experience into a solution. I’ve seen it myself maaany times before, not supportive at all.

This also means that in being able to hypothetically place ourselves in the shoes of another, it doesn’t mean we have to justify all the reasons why someone is experiencing something in a particular way, it is about understanding those reasons and justifications as further excuses, ideas, beliefs, opinions and validation of experiences that we create in our minds in order to not change, to be ‘stuck’ in an experience and not being able to ‘get out of it.’

So here our responsibility as a person that decides to live this redefinition of empathy ‘towards others’ is precisely placing self-responsibility as a primary point of awareness in this process of ‘empathizing’ with others, where we no longer accept and allow such experiences as an actual definition of ‘who we are’ or ‘who they really are’ and therefore we have to see beyond the experience into creating, developing and laying out solutions, practical solutions that can be suggested to the person that is ‘stuck in a moment’.

I also suggest to make sure at the same time that we are entirely clear when presenting these solutions, ensuring that we are no longer demonstrating a similar ‘feelings’ or ‘emotions’ because in doing so, we also accept and allow those feelings or emotions as real, as acceptable – but in reality if we look at what’s best for all, they are not. Suffering won’t ever bring out any form of ‘solution’ by itself, we have to create solutions, we have to sort ourselves out.

Therefore empathizing with another in this case is a temporary – and rather short – moment where we can understand what another is facing – because we have also faced similar points ourselves in our process – not engage as in not becoming the experience ourselves but be able to see it, understand it and investigate it as the pattern it is, as the experience in the mind it is – and so directly focus on looking at and discussing solutions to take responsibility for the experience, for the point in matter and so step out of the suffering/experience and start walking the stability of solutions, of changing that moment for ourselves.

This is also something that can be done with more ease once that we have done our own self-investigation, our own ‘getting to know ourselves’ process which is precisely what the Desteni I Process is all about, getting to know and understand ourselves as our mind in order to then create solutions that we can live and apply to develop a new version of ourselves, the one that can honor our lives and the lives of everyone else, where we can instead become living examples towards others that could also decide to stand with us to create a new way of living as human beings in this world. It is possible! And what’s required is then no longer tolerating, feeding, participating or validating another’s experience as ‘who they really are’ either.

In this process we understand that as much as the mind is ourselves, it is still a part of ourselves that represents ‘the worse’ of us in a way that we can change through directive means and principles: through writing, self forgiveness, developing an awareness of our self-responsibility and so actively changing.

Here it is also pertinent to debunk the idea that emotions and feelings are ‘humane’ or a ‘distinctive trait’ of humanity, because they are precisely ‘human’ in the sense that no other being in this reality has the same mind consciousness system that we have that had been preprogrammed precisely for us to constantly and continuously be experiencing the highs and lows of energetic experiences, the positive ones as ‘feelings’ and the negative ones as ‘emotions’ – here then also realizing that in stopping participation in these, it doesn’t meant that we will become ‘inert’ or ‘robotic’ or ‘lifeless’ – this is only so based on our equation of energetic experiences = life, but this is not so in reality.

A real expression of ourselves emerges after we first process our emotions and feelings and we go redefining our relationship to ourselves, our body, our mind. We go proving to ourselves and realizing that life is possible in actual stability and self-direction, without the emotional clutter and overwhelming experiences if we are disciplined enough to stop participating on the thoughts, ideas, beliefs, emotions or feelings that create these experiences, stop validating the reasons behind these experiences and decide to give one step beyond the ‘inner chaos’ that we have consented to as ‘who we are.’

This is then about living the word empathy, intending to remove the consent to the feelings and emotions per se, while understanding and acknowledging them as a part of ourselves, as our creation that is yet to be walked through/processed and redefined in order to embody and live words that are supportive, that are of living solutions.

I add then to the redefinition:

Empathy – the ability to understand the feelings and emotions of another as the mental experiences they are, so that through placing myself in their shoes I can instead immediately look at which words are supportive to live in that moment, what solutions I can share with them to assist them to see through the veil of the emotions and feelings and in doing so, anchoring ourselves back into reality, understanding our consequences and results of our participation in the mind while empowering ourselves to realize and lay out the ways to change these experiences within ourselves.

How I then in my case explained at the beginning have to live empathy is no longer accepting those experiences as something ‘I must live’ in a form of backwards solidarity with the people in this country. I have to precisely keep focusing on sharing the common sensical realizations about what we are facing as our reality, how we have all co-created these outcomes that will only change when we stop blaming the government and start looking back at the plethora of points that we have lived as ‘who we are’ in our individual lives that are not at all supportive of life, of real growth and development – at a personal and so at a collective level.

This way I can stand as a pillar of support and stability, no matter ‘what’ is going on around as a general paranoia, psychosis or plain panic attacks that we can ‘fall into’ if we are not entirely clear on how none of these experiences will ever be beneficial, they will never signify a ‘care’ for others – but instead are the sources and ingredients necessary for enforcing control and so further problems, never solutions.

Living ‘empathy’ this way becomes more of a humbling process in understanding the reactions, but not ‘re-living’ them ourselves, it is an empowering point since we can understand it and at the same time see the ways through in it, the solutions, the potential outcomes through redirecting our focus and attention from the ‘problem’ to communicating about the situation, taking self-responsibility on each side as necessary and then direct oneself towards a solution.

Sounds easy, but it does definitely require oneself to be stable and standing enough to not ‘be triggered’ by another’s experience, which if it does happen and we then ‘empathize’ in the usual system way of becoming the same emotion or feeling as the other person, what do we know then? We have to walk through our own personal relationship to those emotions or feelings ourselves first, take responsibility and change who we are in relation to those experiences if we are to stand as the redefined version of empathy that I’ve shared here today.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested interviews that explain a process of ‘empathizing’ with another’s experience and walking as a point of support to them

1.      Timeline of a Tantrum: Parents – Perfecting the Human Race – Parenting – Part 73

2.      Timeline of a Tantrum: Children – Perfecting the Human Race – Parenting – Part 74

 

We stand

 

Learn how to express your genuine self:

 


481. Living Emptiness

Or how to practically create and live the word emptiness as a result of first processing the ‘mental garbage’ in us

There are times when I have experienced myself to be very busy developing a constant ‘thought’ in my mind about something and it becomes like a form of mental-mosquito that eventually can escalate to full blown experiences at an energetic level in my body that I could have prevented if I had worked on these thoughts from the get go, from the very first times they started emerging.

What do I mean with ‘working on these thoughts’? It’s a physical doing first by deciding to write out about those thoughts and experiences in order to begin a self-investigation process where I can become my own ‘personal detective’ so to speak and ask the questions that we seem to elude whenever we are only up there in our heads Thinking about something, giving it our attention but not really questioning ‘who we are’ behind these thoughts, what part of ourselves is invested in those thoughts or experiences.  

The Questions can be something like ‘What is this thought representing about myself? What is this thought that I am giving attention to leading myself? Where do I intend to get to with it or get from it? In which way is it moving me? What am I intending to gain in self-interest with it? What do I fear? What am I desiring? And then writing out the actual reality of myself in relation to these questions to see ‘who am I’ in relation to these seemingly immovable thoughts. This is also the process to find our starting point/who we are behind those thoughts or experiences.

Self-investigation is the key to create clarity whenever we see ourselves going around in circles about a particular thought or experience. However, I’ve also experienced what it is to forget about ‘The Basics’ – as in writing, writing self-forgiveness and seeing where my responsibility exists as the creator of these experiences in me – and I want to jump into a state of clarity, of ‘emptiness’ right away, as ‘per magic ‘which becomes a form of suppression really where I believe that If I am able to simply live the word ‘emptiness’ or ‘quietness’ or ‘calm’ then everything will be just fine. But, nope, it doesn’t work like that for me.

I’ve shared in a previous blog about meditation how seeking peace, calm, quiet, stability without addressing and opening up the cause that created a stir within us and see who we are in relation to these thoughts ourselves,  lead us to create a quick fix that may create a form of momentary stability, but it is not genuinely making peace with the thoughts as in understanding those thoughts or experiences as part of our creation, as a part of ourselves that we require to align and correct.

Therefore whenever I see myself desiring to be quiet, empty and wanting to just impose this word as an experience of silence, quietness, calm or stability –I’ve instead decided to see this word or the desire to be ‘empty’ as an indication word which means, whenever I desire emptiness I have to create such ‘emptiness’ myself through first sorting myself out in relation to the disturbance, the reactions, the thoughts, the constant experiences and opening it all up, writing it out, exposing and explaining these thoughts or experiences to myself to understand the reasoning behind these reactions I am having throughout my day/days – or sometimes even weeks which can happen if we don’t actually deal with something through self-investigation.

Through sitting down with myself to write about these mosquito-thoughts and experiences in order to understand how I came to create them, what they are representing for myself in this moment of my life, what they are revealing about myself as aspects that I have to process, to work on, to align within myself, I create an opportunity instead to actively decide ‘who am I’ in relation to that which my thoughts or experiences are all about, I have to decide who do I decide to be in relation to that something or someone and direct myself in relation to it. This desire to ‘be empty’ is an indication that there are points I’ve kept ‘on hold’ within me without directing them, practically dealing with them and working with them.

Therefore what creates the desire in me to be empty, is precisely having many points or one single point, but a constant one, popping into my awareness and me continuing to ‘leave it for later’ or ignore it, hoping it will go away. Nope, doesn’t work like that with our minds: if something is here for us to look at, then we have to give it attention, take it on through self-investigation and do the necessary work it takes to lay out solutions to change it within ourselves, to change that part of ourselves in order to create then an actual ‘emptiness’ within us, as in having gone through the necessary ‘processing’ in self-awareness about those thoughts or experiences.

Here then ‘emptiness’ as a living word is more of a ‘process word’ or an indication word where I have to start processing, looking at, opening up, writing about and taking responsibility for something within me that I have been accumulating for some time and requires my attention, otherwise it won’t go away by itself.

This way, becoming ‘empty’ as a point of stability, calmness, hereness/presence, comfort within ourselves emerges after we have calmed our own inner storms through the tools of writing, self forgiveness, and applying the corrective applications for those thoughts or experiences in our daily lives and then, practice living these solutions every single time from then on that the same thoughts or experience emerges again within us.

It is about creating inner-peace through actively first dealing with, directing, taking responsibility for our thoughts and experiences that created such instability, confusion, anxiety, depression, nervousness, inner conflict or plain ‘stuffed mind’ rushing here and there with thoughts, instead of wishfully thinking that it will go away by itself. This ‘emptiness’ as a result process of doing all of this becomes something very real, palpable and completely possible the more that we stand in self-awareness within ourselves and direct our minds in common sense to direct who we are in those moments of fleeting experiences, of having these continuous mosquito-thoughts.

One could even consider that living this process and so creating this ‘emptiness’ within us can be a form of continuous meditation, where we then develop our stand in our being, in our minds and bodies to the level where we are more aware of our thoughts, our inner movements which then enables us to make decisions based on what is common sensical and self-responsible to do, no longer dictated by an energetic experience within us, but by the principles that are supportive for our lives and that of others.

There is no quick fix to ‘become empty’ as in having some memories or aspects of ourselves ‘fixed’ by a magic wand, there is no way to simply ‘click delete’ and have those experiences or continuous thoughts be gone forever, it is a constant work and redirection, it is a very real and active way to create one’s own stability, emptiness, clarity, calm or even ‘inner peace’ if you want to call it that, it’s a continuous living of corrections that anchors oneself in our physical bodies which represent that constancy and consistency that we disrupt and shake up whenever we go into our minds.

So, consider it for yourself next time that you see yourself wanting to just ‘be empty’ or ‘be calm’ or ‘be at ease and peace’ – stop for a moment and realize that only desiring a ‘peaceful experience’ is not the solution, this word ‘emptiness’ or ‘wanting peace’ is indicating there’s action required, there’s self-work to be done, so get yourself to do the necessary processing and see for yourself the results.

Thanks for reading.

 

Living Emptiness

 

Learn how to express your genuine self:

 


480.From Mental Values to Life Values

“Those who stand on tiptoes

Do not stand firmly

Those who rush ahead

Don’t get very far.

Those who try to outshine others

Dim their own light

Those who call themselves righteous

Can’t know how wrong they are

Those who boast of their accomplishments

Diminish the things they have done.

Compared to the Tao, these actions are unworthy.

If we are to follow the Tao, we must not do these things.”

– Lao Tzu, Tao Te Ching

 

Yesterday I forgot to add this quote to the blog on ‘Impressions and Impressing’ which I got to almost by a random opening of the Tao Te Ching book while having this word ‘impression’ as my purpose to explore in the day. This one sums up very  nicely the polarities that we create when following ‘the way of the ego’ as our expression, it is a reminder of the consequences of ‘living through our mental values’ and I found it supportive because a part of me, my programming and even familiar influence on my father’s side would have probably been a trigger for me to, for example, still feel the need to be recognized or boast about something even if in an apparent ‘modest’ manner in order to give myself some ‘value’ for something.

However, when walking this process of self-honesty, developing humbleness is of utmost support, because then we stop ‘measuring’ ourselves against others – we stop comparing ourselves – we also stop valuing ourselves based on ‘what we do’ or ‘how much’ of it is done, but instead consider who we are in every moment and understand that the results and outcomes of our ‘every moment’ in a day, are the bricks with which we go building our next moments, our future.

So if one practically let go of the desires or fears that emerge within us when directing ourselves to do or be something, things simplify a lot and the attention and focus is no longer on a ‘value’ based mindset related on a measure, on external values, on others’ opinions or criticisms, but one then focuses on seeing the substance of things, what’s relevant, what’s of support for one’s life and that of others. That would be the real value of things if we are ever to, for example,  recreate money and an entire new ‘value system’ where all things are valued according to how useful or supportive something is to make everyone’s life better.

In that sense, something like bars of gold or some chunks of information in a computer would definitely not be valued the way they are now, but we would regain an awareness of the real valuable and supportive things in life – but, we’ll get there someday, when we realize our massive accepted and allowed brainwashing on these concepts.

Where can we start now? With ourselves, stopping our own self-devaluations, our own inflations, our own ‘future investments’ and derivatives that seek self-interest ‘at all cost’ or that follow the rules of a game where nothing can ever be truly valued as equal, but always unequal: always inferior to something/someone, always superior, always ‘in front of’, always ‘behind from’ – and no, I’m not talking about physical spacing of things or physical dimensions – only talking about the mental-values that we impose onto ourselves in the ego-scale of things.

So in the second to last sentence of this quote, we get the key of all those polarity values explained “Compared to the Tao, these actions are unworthy.” The Tao here as per my understanding and definition is the way of life, not even the ‘good’ as that can sometimes be misconstrued as a morality, but I’d rather say the way of what’s best for all. Therefore, the key word ‘unworthy’ comes up there to see how it is implying a ‘new value system’ that is no longer based on more or less, but instead in a way that considers the depth and potential of life.

In life, the only real value is life – nothing else – and therefore, anything that does not support life, has no meaning, has no value. How can we then make sure that we start changing the values that we believe only the ‘Federal Reserve’ is responsible for in terms of money creation, or a ‘Central Bank’? We have to take the point of ‘worth’ and ‘value’ back to ourselves and see how it is that the concept of inequality wasn’t born in a social construct ‘out there,’ but it is in fact an inherent mechanism in which we think of ourselves and others, a way in which we have ‘learned’ to ‘value’ things as more or less than in a myriad of ways.

Let’s consider then that if Equality – as in Life Equality, as substance, as the realization of how everything that exists is genuinely one an equal – would have been our default measuring point and general understanding in how we relate to everything, then this inequality, this discrimination, wars, poverty would not exist, because we would not be able to disregard that part of ourselves and impose this notion of it being ‘less than’ life, because such concepts of being less than, more than, being superior or inferior would simply not exist as part of our ways to conceive, to see or approach reality, which would assists us in seeing how we are one and equal to every single person, animal or speck of reality that we see around us.

This might seem a bit too ‘out there’ but to ground it back here, my point is emphasizing how many times we become righteous in believing that we know exactly ‘who we are’ and ‘what our purpose in life is’ and we don’t even question it, we get so sure of ourselves that it can create an inflexibility of sorts that only in continuing to investigate oneself in self-honesty does one get to break-out of that secure-shell of ‘knowing exactly’ who we believe we are, but fear to question it, because let’s face it: no one really likes to experience a sense of uncertainty, not knowing ‘who one is’ if we strip ourselves away from every single definition that we’ve built through our minds, our ego that is always existing in a lack, in an inequality. Yet, this is precisely the kind of challenges we have to walk through in order to see ‘what’s real, what’s of real substance’

I’ve tested it out and proven to myself how life, as in genuinely being able to live every moment in a directive, stable, calm way – is a possibility when I precisely let go of these polarized ways of perceiving myself, what I do, how I relate to others and how I see/perceive reality. It seems like a simple decision and feat, but the reality is that we’ve conditioned ourselves so much to always see through the filter of the mind that it does take this process to understand each layer of self-deception and so, learn how to take responsibility of it by acknowledging it, embracing it as our creation, walking it through a process of re-creation and redefinition the same way that we would expect a new seed to grow, to nurture it, to support ourselves with giving ourselves the proper conditions to develop and then seeing our creation come to fruition.

That’s also how building the new world, the new way of living cannot come from a belligerent starting point, cannot come from antagonism, cannot come from denial, refusal or ignorance of what we’ve become or have created – all of us, equally – as our reality, our world system.

Therefore we go back to the point of wanting to change the world – yes, that quest that ‘drives’ me and many more – to see it again as something that is doable by each one of us, first understanding all of these inequalities existing in ourselves and becoming the living example of what it really means to value all life as equal, to value and regard oneself as one and equal with everything that is here.

And no, this is not intended to create a ‘larger than life’ experience, because that would again be a mind-interpretation of this. It is about us daily practicing this living of the word equality, deliberately ending the ‘less than/more than’ mental perceptions and instead practice embracing ourselves, others, reality ‘as is’ in order to not fight it, to not deny it – which doesn’t mean that we then blindly accept it, not at all – but instead can take responsibility for such creation through understanding it, without judging ourselves for it and so walking it by the hand into a correction, which means: we have to do it, we have to walk that process within ourselves first if we are to change the nature of how we value things, how we gauge or assess things in reality.

So this is a challenge then for myself that I expand to anyone reading this, to see how much during our day we go into inferiorities, superiorities, a sense of righteousness, or wanting something ‘more fulfilling’ or feeling too empty, where we go seeking to be ‘valued more by others’ – all of these representing some of the most basic ways and forms in which we have unfortunately conditioned ourselves to interact, constantly perceiving ourselves ‘unfulfilled, incomplete, lacking, desiring, hoping’ That’s the distraction right there to stop and change into words that can instead assist us to user our time, our minds, our bodies for self-creation, self-nurturing for self support.

Even more so, if you get to see that it becomes rather ‘easy’ to just ‘think’ of yourself as one and equal with everything, it doesn’t stop there, absolutely not, that’s only the first realization, from there it is still all about directing, developing and making of our potential something real through actual work, actual doings and self-responsible direction by each one of us.

It would mean nothing at all to understand oneself as ‘one and equal with everything’ but don’t take any actions, don’t embark into personal changes to genuinely create a life, a world system that can be driven by and embody the kind of principles that we then are individually – one by one – deciding to live within ourselves.

So, a cool point for self-reflection is to see and understand ourselves as the creator of actual value as life values that we can cultivate individually and so collectively – that’s where our real power resides and so far we have been squandering it seeking change only ‘out there’– but we also have to start here, one by one, and that is then us living an ‘idea’, living a word that cannot be silenced or censored, because a new set of living principles and so living values within ourselves cannot be suppressed or repressed if we all start waking up to this realization – there’s no need to fight wars or protest to do this, it’s in all of our heads and hands to use as tools of self-creation in equality, so let’s act, think and live words in a way that is genuinely supportive for all.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Louis Morton

Louis Morton 2014

 

Learn how to express your genuine self:

 


479. Making an Impression

Or how to redefine the process of desiring to make an impression in self-interest to making an impression as an expression of what’s best for all

 

There was a very supportive audio that brought up a relevant word for me to look at and that’s ‘impress’ and impression, where the question was brought up of investigating who we are and where we stand in relation to this word.

I’ve realized that there is this existent undercurrent and constant intent within me of wanting to leave an impression, a ‘mark’ on a person no matter how menial or profound our paths or interactions are. That’s me then looking at creating an impression upon them, which nowadays relates more to in any possible way create an opening for others to see things a little bit more different in life, where I can possibly plant a seed to question ourselves more, to desire to learn more about ourselves as human beings – this is based on the kind of person I am creating as myself, a person that can actually have something meaningful to always share whether through words, actions, or sheer presence, that’s the kind of ‘impression’ I’d like to develop as an expression of myself. I have to admit it can become a ‘drive’ in me that likes to dig into the deeper dimensions within individuals whenever I get the chance to do so, and be vulnerable myself because I also see that ‘masking’ ourselves through pretension in wanting to be accepted or liked through lies/deception/masks is doing nothing more than recreating the false-sense of ‘individualities’ that we’ve taken as a normal human trait, which are all based on preferences, likes, personalities, cultural influences and the rest of it that are nothing else but disguises, ‘tags’ that we’ve adopted in order to ‘differentiate’ ourselves from one another.

But even if this ‘drive’ seems supportive, I also have to be prudent and moderate because sometimes I can get a bit out of hand with being a bit too unconventional in situations where others might not be entirely understanding ‘where I am coming from ‘and that can cause a ‘wrong impression’ that would take some time to walk through with others, and sometimes there are no possibilities or ‘second opportunities’ to do so – therefore, I have to remind myself of moderating myself, my expression, being patient in considering others as well, yet without compromising myself either, but developing the real me as an expression that stands in support of myself and so possibly stand as an inspiration or example for others to consider doing the same as well.

I’d like to make a case of looking at the possibilities and ability we have of leaving an impression on others that is more meaningful in the sense of ‘who we are’ as human beings, our substance – not our disguise, our masks, what we look like or wear or what we ‘carry around’ with us – but allow our own thoughts, words and actions speak for themselves. That’s the kind of person that I’ve been working on creating as myself, but this wasn’t always ‘the way’ it’s been.

I also have had and still walk through the other programming in the word ‘impress’ where there was almost an inherent experience in me where I saw myself also as having a potential to ‘impress’ or ‘be naturally charming’ which would then create a form of benefit with other people – but even as subtle as it was, it became also a reason to deliberately challenge my own image and do something a bit more ‘radical’ that could put to test this aspect of myself based on image. I shaved my head and then have tested out who I am when I am not relying on a sense of ‘beauty’ to present myself to others – or any other artifices – but keep it as simple and natural as can be. This is not me making a statement that it is superficial to have hair or do makeup or anything like that, I did believe some of that at some point but I have decided to not compare or judge others, this is about me and a particular path I am walking in a very personal way when it comes to how I have decided to present myself, which in my starting point and view is a way to ‘get past’ the appearance –even if we can’t ever get ‘rid’ of an appearance per se, we can decide to challenge it in ways that are not harmful or hurtful ‘towards others’ but a way to test oneself, and to me shaving my head has been one of them, plus letting go of a desire for recognition at the same time at an egotistical level, but more in constantly letting go of any pretense and just be, which is quite a challenge at times and it’s more of a fine balance between all of these points that becomes a constant practice.

Talking about ‘desiring to impress’ others from a point of inferiority in my past. I tried to impress people that I was interested on having a particular relationship with, which meant my whole starting point toward them was of desire, of seeing or comparing myself to them and assessing I was ‘inferior’ therefore, I had to ‘impress’ others through – in my case – knowledge and information in order to be liked or accepted by particular people. This includes personality traits that I believed would be able to ‘be liked’ by males particularly and of course this led me to live more for ‘others’ than for myself. There were times where I got so ‘sucked into’ a relationship where I lost my sense of individuality and my own life, as I was living for others, upgrading my personality ‘based on others’ preferences’ and desirable traits. This is definitely Not the way to live, it becomes an experience of being ‘racing’ towards something all the time, fearing losing that one person or ‘thing’ that one is getting/obtaining through constantly having to ‘impress’ or ‘keep impressing’ to maintain a particular relationship.

This was exhausting, not only for me but because I’d see the other person would also fall into the same game and I pondered why we were believing that we just ‘weren’t enough’ for each other… that’s the kind of relationships that of course have to come to an end because we are not being self-honest with oneself in who we really are and being vulnerable in rather acknowledging each one’s flaws and weaknesses in order to strengthen them in each other as a form of support or natural outflow of being in a supportive relationship. That becomes a richer process and it is definitely liberating to create relationships where we share ourselves as we are, without any pretense, without trying to be something that we are not, because what do we know if we transform ourselves for the sake of ‘a relationship’ with a particular person? We are not living for ourselves, we are entirely existing in a constant inferiority spot that becomes a constant experience of fear, of jealousy, of comparison if one is not yet valuing oneself as an equal to that other individual.

Therefore the whole desire to ‘impress’ in itself already rings an alarm that we can use as a flag-point to instead ask ourselves: where am I perceiving myself as ‘not good enough’? Where and toward who am I comparing myself when believing that I must ‘impress them’ and beat other competition, so that I can be the ‘chosen one’ in this situation or within a certain relationship? Why am I allowing myself to compromise who I am for the sake of creating a relationship with a person? And then, pushing oneself to be self-honest to see how if we tolerate this starting point of inferiority and wanting to impress others through presenting ourselves as something that we are not, we eventually get caught up in our own lies and the deception eventually catches upon us.

It reminds me of a movie that I watched last year called ‘A Perfect Man’ where this aspiring writer sees himself as incapable of writing a good story that could get published, so he finds the manuscript of a dead person and turns it into ‘his first novel’, which gives him the fame and recognition he was looking for, eventually leading him to have ‘the perfect life’ and his ‘perfect relationship’; but all of the pretense and lies eventually catch up to him as reality knocks the door. That movie precisely left me considering how far we can take ourselves in order to be ‘living’ a lie, and how much of a burden this pretension becomes just because one wasn’t wise enough to rather develop oneself, practice and create the necessary skills in order to eventually master something or get to be ‘good at’ doing or being something as an actual process of self-creation, instead of jumping into a ‘quick fix’ based on self-deception and lies, because of believing that one wasn’t good enough without ‘extra magic’ which in this case I’d refer to magic as all the characters, personalities, ‘extra traits’ that we might act out/fake in order to impress others.

So what I did to walk through from this ‘desire to impress’ from a starting point of self-interest – like acquiring a particular relationship – to the ability to make an impression on others in a natural way or as an expression of who I am is precisely linked to walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness. It is about letting go of one’s self-judgment, fears or insecurities and so desires based on a rather unfortunate common perception of seeing ourselves as inferior, seeing ourselves as ‘not good enough’ – which leads us to constantly devalue who we are and seek ways to be accepted, to be liked, to be loved, to be ‘irreplaceable’ in a relationship – yet, it actually gets oneself in very tricky situations where we may become ‘the perfect fit’ that we’ve modeled ourselves to according to someone’s desires, and in doing so not only do we trap ourselves to ‘always be all of that’ for that one person, but we also cage themselves in becoming entirely dependent on us and believing that all of those ‘desires’ they aspired to obtain are real traits or are ‘realistic’ in the way that one is compromising oneself to portray or act like ‘for another’. This probably happens more often than I am aware of, and what happens is that it turns into an unsustainable relationship – as it was in any case – where one eventually can’t keep up with the ‘act,’ because it’s no different to being inflating a bubble until it pops – and all bubbles have to burst! That’s a fact of life and a very necessary one, because all that ‘inflates’ those bubbles is everything that we fuel within our minds as ideas, beliefs, perceptions, judgments, comparisons, fears, desires that we impose onto ourselves as ‘who we are’ and ‘what defines us.’

So, once that one walks through a process of dropping or shedding these layers of self-compromise, what is left is ‘the real me’ that I can then focus on redefining, on nurturing, growing, expanding as a myself, as the real being that I am that goes beyond a particular image or façade created ‘for others’. In this I have in fact found my own skin and a sense of individuality that I can then honor as myself because it does change everything about oneself when we decide to no longer feed one’s ego in every step that we take in our lives, and instead decide to change ‘what we are all about’ as the kind of person that rather stands as a point of change in relation to what has been accepted as ‘normal’ or ‘normal-lies’ (normalized) that in my particular life and experience, I have definitely taken on the point of ‘rattling the cages of the caged’ as in deciding to physically as a ‘first impression’ have an unusual presentation which is that of shaving my head which I’ve been doing up to this month for 7 years now and it’s been quite assisting to me to be honest considering how much I had also debased myself according to beliefs on my appearance and so challenging myself further with removing one aspect that people would usually associate with ‘beauty’ or ‘sexuality’, I then present myself in a way where I make a clear statement of what I am about, of what I am ‘into.’ This has become a source of conversations throughout the  years that open up different ways to explain why I do it and what is it that I work on or explain my ‘views’ to random people in various contexts. That has been cool but it’s after all not so much about how it is received upon others, because I am also aware that it sometimes might alienate people that might be in their particular process and position a bit judgmental about appearance, but that’s entirely up to each one and it’s understandable as well based on how ingrained our parameters of beauty or presentation extend to.

But beyond making it about facing my image towards people, after all of these years of having worked on various reactions and upon seeing the plethora of reactions it might cause, I’ve learned to let go of focusing on ‘how others see me’ and instead make it my own, see it as my own physical representation of the principles I am dedicating my life to embody and continue expanding on.

I’ve also questioned myself if this makes me too ‘image driven’ at the same time as I know it does create a particular ‘impact’ or ‘impression’ on people at a first glance level, but it is still then only an image – what I however have liked over the years is how this particular self-created difference as a ‘haircut’ or the lack thereof can open up conversations that I would have to get to in a longer period of time with people, sometimes it becomes a catalyst to jump straight to explaining about this process and set of principles if the person is willing to hear the reasoning behind it, but ultimately I do it as myself.

 If we can make an impression or ‘stand out’ in the crowd then, let’s stand out for all the good reasons like being acknowledged as an individual that can be an example of a different way of living, not only in the ‘external ways’ but most importantly in the internal ways, to leave a mark and create an impression that can assist other people in possibly discovering more about ourselves as individuals beyond ‘first impressions’ and facades and the rest of cover-ups we create through our minds that become like layers that we then have to get rid of – one by one – in order to eventually get to the core of ourselves and from there, be able to decide who we really want to be, what kind of person do I want to create as myself based on what is best for all and considering self-honesty.

This is then a much more meaningful and honorable process that in itself is already ‘making a stand’ and requires no particular emphasis to ‘create a good impression’ on others, because our thoughts, words and deeds will speak by themselves, by ourselves, and that’s the kind of expression that will create an impression by default, an expression that I have to keep fine tuning, working on, deconstructing and reconstructing, which is my own impression or imprinting of words, attitudes and actions that are beneficial for me, so that I can stand as the better version of the that can in turn assist many others more to break out of the pretense and inferiority in order to discover the genuine self that exists in all of us as a potential yet to be discovered and developed.

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested audio:

Express  Yourself

 

Learn how to express your genuine self:

 


478. Want Transparency and Integrity? Let’s BE It

Or how to start becoming the solution to all lies and deception within our very own minds

There was a great opening by Cerise and Joe to consider how it would be for every person in our lives to know about what we have thought, imagined, fantasized in absolute detail doing or saying to them throughout our entire life and then asking ourselves if knowing all of this would change the way they see us, and if we would be able to face them without shame or guilt.

The ‘scary’ thought of this implies right off the bat: we got a ton to work on in relation to developing self-honesty which means acknowledging our very own thoughts, every fantasy or imagination, every experience created by ourselves as a form of self-interest where we only consider ourselves but never really give too much of a thought about that person that we are ‘thinking, gossiping, judging, fantasizing’ about in any way – positive or negative, same thing – because for the most part we’ve believed that these things do not affect others, but it’s become quite clear that we cage each other in our own ideas, beliefs, perceptions about others which we synthesize as a form of judgment, backchat, reaction towards another that we then turn into behaviors, ways of ‘treating’ a person which means, we make of those opinions a ‘very real’ representation of the other person in our minds, which then defines how we treat them/see them/acknowledge them, where we justify whatever we are doing onto ‘them’ because it seems righteous, because we believe ‘that’s who They are’ – but, considering that every single person would be able to see and get to know the exact detail of everything I have ever thought about them in my mind, it would surely be a daunting consideration, but to be honest I’ve been hearing the words ‘all will be known’ for close to 9 years now and this has definitely been a factor to curb my ‘self-entertainment’ in a continuous  way related to how and what I think about others.

However this does not mean it is entirely done and sorted out in me, not at all. I’ve faced many forms of challenges in relation to what I think, perceive, judge or react to in others, and the truth is that I many times don’t immediately stand on my ground of self-responsibility to rather see what are these thoughts, judgments, fantasies or experiences revealing about myself. I actually had been considering this for the past couple of days and here to answer the question, I do consider that people would definitely react upon seeing whatever I have thought or perceived about them, because we are not really taught to deal with such perceptions/imaginations about others in our minds as the expression of those that think or fantasize about it and that in no way does it really define ‘who we are’ – meaning, in any case, anything I have thought, gossiped, idealized, imagined, judged, reacted about towards ‘others’ is in fact defining myself and only myself as aspects or parts of myself that I have to work on, but that we as human beings conveniently usually deflect to ‘others’ in an attempt to dodge self-responsibility and self-reflection, which usually stems from wanting to see ourselves under a the light of ‘being a good person.’

Here then, I have pondered many times throughout the years about a potential situation in this world where we could suddenly have all the ‘veils of the mind’ lifted from ourselves in one go and all the chaos that would possibly ensue if we were to suddenly see every single detail of anything that every person we know – or don’t even know – but get to know of have had such imaginations, fantasies, judgments, opinions about ourselves, and how that could ensue like a real ‘world war’ if we don’t get to settle ourselves to understand how everything that we ‘think’ – imagine, perceive, judge, fantasize, react to – about another is in fact our own expression, judgments, ideas, perceptions and that in no way does it really define ‘another’ but ourselves.

That realization is usually an ‘ouch’ experience to most where we’d like to think that we ‘have a right’ to think of another in our heads ‘whatever we want’ with some sort of power to judge, criticize, fantasize about in whichever way – this is certainly a timely situation to consider that we don’t, and that no matter what we do, we’ll face each and every single person in our lives that we have ever had those thoughts about and walk every one of those relationships – no matter how menial – into a point of correction. That’s what our Life Reviews will be about.

So, I’ll share here how through walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness, I have already had my own taste of shame, regret, embarrassment and a personal experience of wanting to ‘dig a hole’ for my own head upon reviewing some of the most shameful things I’ve done, thought or fantasized about in my  mind about others. I am sure I haven’t walked through them all, but it is so that in those moments I have also projected possible scenarios where if I would face those people again, I would ask forgiveness and explain ‘where I was’ at the time of my life where I was creating those ideas, reactions, perceptions ‘about them’ – and in several occasions how I acted the way I did toward them, how my decisions were influenced by all of this mental chatter – and how I eventually found out all of it was in fact about myself only; I would share how I have learned to assist myself to correct these judgments, ideas, thoughts or participations so that we can stop recreating this ‘invisible world’ of lies and deception that we allow to exist in our minds towards another, but we don’t dare to actually confront and lay out before another to be honest about one’s own experience and walk a process of self-honesty to realize oneself as the origin and creator of those reactions that we are simply projecting or imposing upon others as ‘who we believe they are’ – when they are then, in fact, not.

Would they decide to change the way they see me upon knowing all of this? Considering how most of us operate in our minds, I’m sure it would create a lot of rifts in a relationship, because we haven’t learned to not take things personally, but we always are quick to believe that ‘that which another said about me defines me’ and forget all about questioning the creator of such judgment in the first place. So it would be quite expected and normal to walk through a phase of having all of those people suddenly see me with ‘bad eyes’ and then it would be my responsibility to acknowledge where and how have I worked on taking responsibility for those things said or fantasized about another and accordingly go working on my own responsibility about them through self-forgiveness and so walking a process of self-correction.

Would I be able to face them without shame or guilt? As I explained above, most likely not, even if I am not ‘technically’ seeing the people I have been reviewing memories or situations of my past – including ‘recent present’ – in my mind in order to process it, take responsibility for it in my head, I have felt such shame, regret, embarrassment and guilt many times before. But at the same time, I’ve learned how it can only be a temporary experience really, and it’s up to me to make of this shame more of a transitory learning experience rather than a self-bashing and self-judgment process that then becomes another layer of judgment for me to process. I’ve created a reminder to myself to not fall prey of ‘double-judgment’ where one judges oneself for the judgments, beliefs, perceptions one has created about another… it’s definitely easier to acknowledge the point, and yes it sometimes it may be impossible to not go through shame, guilt, regret, but here I can stand as my own surety so that it doesn’t become a form of emotional manipulation for me to not continue seeing my responsibility in it all, but step out of that belief that I become ‘less’ in acknowledging my faults, my own judgments – and so see how it is actually only a point of self-respect and integrity that I decide to build and create as myself when deciding to acknowledge my own creation of those parts of myself that I have the power – as in being capable and able – to change them for and by myself.

A very important reminder that has assisted me quite a bit lately is the realization that what defines a person is not ‘all that they have been’ in their past, but more like how we decide to stand up from ‘the past’ that we’ve been and become. It’s only us that hold ourselves/each other as prisoners of our own past perceptions, judgments and beliefs, leading us nowhere really other than recreating the same illusions of separation that are able to be self-forgiven, taken responsibility with the purpose to change the way that we stand in our minds, the way that we ‘use’ our minds and so in turn, changing how we interact towards others.

A practical reminder for me is precisely to consider how every single thought, word and deed Is part of who I am, my creation, therefore I have to be accountable for it all, because how I face and confront those challenges – such as suddenly people finding out all about how I ‘thought’ of them – is what defines me, and so I have to remind myself that no matter how ‘awful’ some of these points might be, what defines me is who I decide to be from now on that I acknowledge that aspect/part of myself that requires a direction, that requires my responsibility to change because of seeing, real time, that it is not at all supportive to remain in my own denial of these parts of myself if I am a person that is craving or even demanding transparency in this world.

If I am ‘demanding’ transparency and integrity, the ‘truth’ out there, we have to start by creating these words, living these words within ourselves. I bet that none of us that have desired this to exist in our ‘world systems’ have considered to what extent the solution resides in the very secret corridors of our minds and all those accumulated experiences toward people around us, people that we see on our ‘screens’, people that we interact with on a regular basis either in a very personal or impersonal manner… I personally would like to see the day where we could eventually see everything of each other, because then it would be so in our face to recognize that no one can claim innocence in not having ever gossiped, fantasized or judged another; we all have done it in various degrees and the way to start getting a taste of what it would mean to live in a transparent world with integrity is by reviewing all of those judgments that we have created or fantasized about in relation to others, take responsibility for it in recognizing it as or own creation, as our own acceptance and allowance that doesn’t define ‘that other person’ or situation, but ourselves entirely.

And so the only ‘salvation’ that exists here is truly self-forgiveness, no doubt about it. How else could we give ourselves a second chance to face these very grim, dark or despicable aspects of ourselves if we didn’t give ourselves the ability to stand up from it, learn from our mistakes and ensure that we stand ‘hands clean’ from now on in order to not recreate/repeat those same patterns toward other people, but instead develop the practice of ‘placing a guard in front of our mouths and minds’ as in being more aware of what we think, say, do, fantasize or react towards another about, and make sure that we know we are defined by what we believe is ‘defining another’ that we are projecting these thoughts upon.

It is all about self-reflection and in that, we will then be able to not only actively change the way that we interact, live and create our societies, but also at the same time stop the ‘sins of the fathers’ in relation to this deception, hypocrisy, judgments, fears in relation to others, so that we can start becoming self-accountable beings that don’t require a ‘thought police’ to be punished for some ‘bad thoughts’ about others that we turn into heinous acts or crimes – we can then know exactly what we nurture or feed within ourselves, we can exactly decide who we are in every moment in relation to another and ensure that we can stand ‘at the end of time’ clear and self-corrected in relation  to those thoughts, those judgments or experiences towards ‘others’ that, ultimately, are in fact also ourselves anyways – equal and one.

This is actually a very cool subject to bring to our awareness because it is through ‘dropping the veil’ of seeing another as a ‘separate me’ that we can start realizing how much of what we believe is ‘done onto another’ is always done to oneself – abuse, is always Self-abuse. Therefore, doing this exercise, practically, can assist us in becoming more comfortable and closer to the actual truth of ourselves, which is by default not something nice, pretty and pure – we all have our aspects and parts of ourselves to change and correct. Here then, we must not see guilt, same, regret or embarrassment as the solution, nor as a ‘way out’ of actually sorting out these points in us – these reactions are but distractors if they remain a bit too long as our experience – we have to walk through our creation and take responsibility, it’s the least we can do after we’ve ‘fired those bullets’ existing as harmful thoughts and experiences ‘shot’ at others.

Once the trigger is pulled, there’s no going back. But fortunately, with what goes on in our minds, we can at least correct it, ensure we don’t act upon it or recreate it any longer and more so, ensure we don’t take such thoughts or experiences about another into an actual bullet that maims another’s life. We can remind ourselves of this every time that we believe it’s ‘easy’ to imagine stuff, to think stuff and believe it all goes ‘away with the wind’ because ‘it’s only thoughts’ but nope, it’s all here, recorded in the very physical day to day life that we walk through in this world.

So, let’s define ourselves by having the guts to acknowledge and recognize our creation, by deciding to walk through all of these judgments towards ‘others’ and claim them back as our own creation that ‘defines us’ until we decide to also change those reactions about ourselves into something that is genuinely supportive for our lives, that can stand as a building block of the self that we are willing to stand by and with for the rest of our existence.

If we want a world that is no longer ‘full of lies,’ we have to stop lying and deceiving ourselves with an image or belief of ‘being a good person’ – none of us have really been so if we have ever allowed but one single thought about another in a compromising or harmful situation. Food for self-reflection, because it’s more honorable to take a step forward and say ‘I’ve done that, that’s me’ than giving a step back and running away with an idea of ‘I’d never dare to do something like that!’ – that’s a choice right there into self-honesty or self-dishonesty, all up to us – but let’s be aware that each decision we make defines our present, who we are and by all means defines the nature of the future that we are co-creating for ourselves and generations to come.

I’d say, it’s time to stand up with courage and claim ownership of our own lies, so that we can then take responsibility and gift those parts back to ourselves as words that we want to live within and toward others in our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

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477. Physical Attraction

Or how to stop the objectification of ourselves as images to generate any form of mental experience.

 

A timely topic emerged today in a group discussion about physical attraction in relation to other people, how to face it, understand it and walk through it to a point of self-honesty.

So the basics are that yes, such reactions to a physical appearance as an image is a mind-stimulation based on preferences, in essence programming, that one has to essentially let go of and stop participating in to focus on who the being really is, the equality that such person is in fact in relation to us: another human being just like ourselves.

This indicates that whichever experience we have ‘about them’ is not really ‘about them,’ but entirely about ourselves and how we are judging, valuing and assessing a person through our minds with values, perspectives, preferences which is also a gift that we can use to see where and how we have separated ourselves from a particular person based on those values and judgments imposed onto the exterior appearance of our perfectly equal in substance physical bodies.

One point that emerged in the discussion shared by Matti that I had not considered is how this participation in physical attraction as in either desiring a person for ‘how they look’ or creating fantasies around them and oneself in a relationship or some other type of intimate interaction, is no different to watching porn, where one is essentially stimulating oneself in one’s mind based on an image, an idea, a set of pixels of a particular person that we then ‘possess’ ourselves with in our minds, diminishing that very real and physical human being into an object that we crave, desire and lust around as if ‘this being’ was meant to be a source of pleasure for us… obviously this is not common sensical.

It is in fact self-abusive to be diminishing each other as objects and a point I also reflected upon when discussing this with my partner is how many times I can get ‘offended’ if anyone would show such participation of ‘physical attraction’ towards me or anyone else, which I wasn’t directly taking back to myself and realizing how I was and have done the exact same thing upon people, creating ‘attractions’ and desires based on looks, no matter how ‘close’ that person is to me or how ‘far away’ they seemingly are – as in movie stars, musicians or regular people I can see walking on the streets = doesn’t matter ‘who’ we do it towards, really, what matters is how I have been co-participating in the reduction of an actual living human being – a being that is actually also myself as well – into a picture that I can abstract into my mind and ‘own’ or ‘fantasize’ about in order to create a particular seemingly ‘positive’ experience in me. This is definitely not at all the kind of relationships I want to stand by or create with people, not with the ones ‘close’ to me nor with anyone else.

So, just as my partner said how the ability to ‘get offended’ implies we are doing the exact same in some way in our lives, it then clicked to me that I have done that exact same thing, showing  ‘disgust’ for people that lust on others –specially males on females – yet, not seeing or wanting to accept that I have done the exact same thing towards males and have not questioned it at all, but seeing it as something ‘very normal’.

This proves again how whenever I see myself holding a judgment about someone and feel ‘righteous’ about it, I need to stop myself and open up that point for me, to see what am I missing out that exists in me, that I am actively participating on as well yet diminishing it, deceiving myself in thinking that ‘it is not that important’ to look at, dismissing the fact that it is most often than not these seemingly ‘little aspects’ of ourselves that hold the most patterns, tendencies and dishonesty in ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a convenience in seeing the abuse that happens in the form of physical attraction and the desire, fantasies and illusions that one can generate  with or about another’s ‘physical image’ for the sake of creating a ‘positive’ – or negative – energetic experience as something ‘normal’ or ‘common’  and never really equating it to it being the exact same mechanism as with watching porn or deliberately ‘lusting’ about another’s physical appearance or fixations at any level, because in doing so it is no different to reducing the image of a person as a trigger of a positive experience in me, which is in fact no different to how porn functions as well, reducing human physical bodies to a source of an energetic experience where we are not actually considering the beings, the people themselves, but only get fixated into one’s own pleasure and experience triggered by a picture in our minds.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have been offended whenever I became aware of a person denoting an attraction towards a physical body, specially males upon women or upon myself, where I would become enraged for being ‘objectified’ as a source of lust for another individual – though never really being self-honest in realizing how I have done the exact same thing about males in my mind, just ‘painting it’ with a brush of complacency, considering it is something innocent and not-harmful, when in fact this very participation in an energetic experience towards another person is me replicating the exact same mechanisms in which one of the biggest obsessions and addictions in this world function: porn, nothing else but translating an image into a source of addictions, fixations, seemingly ‘positive experiences’ where we go slowly but surely dislocating ourselves from our very own one and equal nature to those beings/people that we are using as a source of apparent ‘satisfaction’ at a mind level, because this can for sure never be a genuine source of ‘satisfaction’ to begin with.

Therefore I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to minimize my relationship to the image of other people as a form of ‘attraction’ as something ‘non-consequential, very small and controllable, not much of a big deal’ – instead of seeing directly how it accumulates and escalates to a point of obsessions, fixations and addictions based on a constant participation in the thought, fantasy or illusion experience ‘with the image’ of another person, which means I am not taking ‘them’ into consideration at all in that moment, but only the creation of a ‘good feeling’ within me that is entirely created by myself, in my own mind and has nothing to do with me considering them, as physical beings, as equals to myself which means by default, I should not be creating an energetic experience and relationship towards them, because that in itself already indicates that the whole starting point of who I am in relation to them is still completely filtered through the mind, through my preferences as likes and dislikes, through my own programming based on what I have been storing in my head as ‘ideas of beauty’ or ‘handsomeness’ based on the kind of pictures I used to see while growing up as a child, the kinds and types of people that ‘I grew a taste for’ and not questioning this programming for what it is, but allowing myself to actually play out on my desires and seek for ‘matches’ in this kind of relationship-scenarios that I also built as an ideal in my mind, not considering at all who the other person really is and what they are really all about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having taken a haughty position or superior position in believing that I was ‘better than’ others for not participating in watching porn for example, yet not really investigating and seeing or wanting to admit how I am participating in the exact same principle when taking someone’s physical body image and use it as a source of personal amusement, fantasy, ideals, desires and day dreaming that I had not  questioned because of diminishing it to something seemingly ‘not that important’ or ‘under control’ for me, that would seemingly ‘not harm anyone’ – but, over time and little by little, the only person that it affects is oneself when not being able to in fact ‘be in control’ of those experiences but instead be dominated by them which then takes a serious process of diligently dissecting and redirecting each experience, each fantasy, each ‘dream’ that we create in our minds related to that one image of a person, to see what of ourselves is trapped in this experience of desire towards another and so make a decision, who do I want to be in relation to that person?

In this I commit myself to honor myself by living the solution to end the objectification of ourselves as human beings and consequently of porn or any other source of stimulation based on images – this is by stopping doing this myself, no matter ‘who’ the person is that I have in my mind – or object or situation – I have to focus on physical reality, on what is here, tangibly, and I have to honor and respect fellow human beings by seeing them for who and what they are as equals, as fellow beings, fellow ‘me’s’ that I cannot reduce to being a source of personal entertainment, because I certainly would not like to be ‘that’ kind of infatuation or source of mental stimulation for another – therefore I have to be the one that stops it absolutely within myself, no matter ‘how small’ or how seemingly ‘innocent’ this process of fantasizing is about, the key is to let go entirely of all mental stimulation and instead, focus on getting to see the beings for what they are, who they are, getting to know and appreciate them for the substance that they are in themselves. This applies not only to people we might already be related to in one way or another, but also with strangers as well, to see beyond the immediate veils and always focus on what’s in the inside. That’s where the real ‘meat’ is in fact, not on the outside, not on the images, values and perceptions we can create about another’s image and presentation.

As an extra note, it speaks volumes of ourselves in the way that we decide to SEE others: do we decide to turn them into objects of our fascination and infatuation? Or do we decide to learn to see through the immediate picture and into them, into who they really are as beings, to see who they are in their words and how congruent that is with their actions. The same being applied back to ourselves of course, how much are we focusing on how we look, dress, how we want to ‘appear’ to others out there, because what we are and by the laws that we live by in our own being, we recreate out there in multiple forms and ways, therefore, hereby I make a decision to stop fixating on an external picture – no matter of who or what or at ‘what level’ – and focus on the substance that is in each being or expression that is here, in fact being one and equal with myself.

Thanks for reading.

 

Supportive material:

 

Live Drawing 2007

 

Learn how to Be Free of Fixations

 


476. The Taste of Real Freedom

Or how to walk through from transient obstacles/mindfucks and delusions to a solid and grounded decision of self-creation

 

A simple reflection today on how to turn a situation of apparent conflict or stagnation into one of active involvement and participation, so that one can create a solution to such point of ‘stagnation’ and in doing so, at the same time,  discover so much of ourselves that we would have missed is possible to do, be and become if we were to hold on to seeing, perceiving, judging a situation as a ‘problem’ within us, towards others, in others or ‘out there’ and how empowering it is – for a lack of a better word  – to take matters into one’s own hands and realize that we are the only ones that create limits based on how we believe ‘things have to be’ and not daring to step outside of the box.

This can be as simple as when I finally decide to open up a point in me that I had only been dwelling upon in my mind, considering it to be ‘not that relevant’ or ‘too extensive to change’ and when deciding to take it on, open it up, write it out, expose myself to myself, I realize that this seemingly previously ‘arduous task’ or ‘difficult decision’ is but a perception that is much easier to walk through by simply doing it, instead of giving too much thinking and pondering into ‘why we should or should not do it’ – meaning, the key here is to just do it.

Then while making that decision to open up that part of ourselves, a ‘point’ in our lives that we have been dwelling upon with no resolution, we are already taking one step into self-honesty, understanding ‘how’ we have created that part of ourselves, why we have resisted it so much and push to see straight to the core: to see myself as the sole creator of that reality and experience – not blaming, not judging, no projecting unto others – but take my whole authority and so authorship upon my own life and creation.

This is a key aspect there so that I don’t’ generate distractions from seeing straight into who I am, what I have been and done and so placing myself in the position of my own creator: deciding who I will be in order to change this one point of conflict that I was procrastinating to look at.

Then the last part is when actually deciding to change, when genuinely being willing to stand up from a particular ‘stuckness’ or conflict or a problem, that’s where we clear up our starting point of supporting ourselves and deciding to make the necessary changes in ourselves to live those fine-tunings in our reality, the kind of changes that  we can direct and act upon ourselves, because this is all about self-direction and self-creation, whenever we place faith upon others or ‘the world out there’ to do the change for us, what do we know? We are missing out a key point of self-creation: it’s got to be entirely possible to be created on a day to day basis within ourselves.

A basic example here is how upon deciding to not indulge in a particular set of experiences based on memories, fantasizing about a seemingly ‘good experience’ and deciding to instead live in self-respect, to honor not only myself but also the situation or people I am integrating as part of ‘my mind fantasy’, I am able to stand in a clarity that can literally feel like a ‘weight off’ of one’s shoulders. This then creates a form of clarity, of integrity and transparency within ourselves because there is nothing else that we have to be hiding or scheming or having backchats and hidden agendas about – one gives oneself the gift of standing in absolute accountability through self-forgiveness.

Here, walking self forgiveness means that I go acknowledging my potential consequences if I would continue following and feeding such apparently ‘nice experiences’ in my mind that are actually very, very unrealistic when writing them out ‘on paper’ or on the computer, they are lacking all sorts of foundation, they are fueled for nothing else other than a desire for ‘novelty’ that when seeing it for what it is and comparing it to physical reality and the possibilities that I can create and grow in physical reality, then I can get to a point of clarity within me in what I choose to continue feeding and nurturing in my life, it becomes a ‘no brainer’ in that moment when writing something out in self-honesty and with a clear decision to stand up and correct oneself in those situations.

But, how ‘clear’ was this before I actually opened it up in detail? Mmm, dare I say ‘not much’ or more like it’s much easier to kid ourselves in our minds and only thinking that we ‘know what we are doing’ and what we are ‘feeding’ but, it’s a whole different thing to decide to write about it, uncovering all the nooks and crannies of it and having that starting point of deconstructing one’s delusions, to be honest.

So, upon walking this decision and living it out in reality, physically, testing out my resolve and point of focus, I could actually see how in a way foolish I had been to even give so much attention/energy/thoughts throughout time, in my day to day, towards something that truly is nothing else but a distraction from self-creation, with no substance other than fueling a particular ‘ideal’ or ‘desire for experience’ based on the ‘who I was’ in the past, that is not here as myself at all.

It was quite assertive to see this for myself again in my process, how the more one makes decisions to live self-honestly, the more liberating one’s reality becomes, and realizing that the whole ‘imprisonment’ in desires, fears, perceived ‘wants and needs’ are nothing else but our creation, we have literally place our own barriers and cages based on all sorts of mind delusions that we have many times – unfortunately –dare to live out, act out on them as if there was any ‘real substance’ in them, when in fact they are usually constructed and made out of energy, composed of things like fears, desires, ideals, personalities, preferences, judgments, etc.… all of them being nothing else but the flimsy transient experiences that sometimes we build and grow so much in our minds that we believe are ‘worth’ it to the point of jeopardizing solid and stable parts of our reality ‘in the name of’ an energy experience.

I’d say, dare to step out of the fear to open up those seemingly ‘uncomfortable’ aspects in yourself, those things that we actually feed quite a bit on a day to day but don’t dare to admit we do – write it out, very important! Writing it out to be read, spoken out loud along with its due self-forgiveness and lay out a resolution, who you decide to be in relation to changing that part of you – test it out from that moment on and see the results.

This doesn’t mean that ‘this point is utterly solved’ – no, many more aspects, dimensions of it might come up related to it, but this one basic resolve, awareness and understanding of one’s experience related to this ‘one part/one point’ in ourselves, is a good foundation from which to continue facing any other parts/aspects of it that may create noise in time to come. This is true freedom to me, the ability to take matters into my own hands and walk, apply the point by myself, by my own resolve, because I have created myself as my mind, I am the one that has gotten myself to where and what I am now, therefore, I can decide and stand as the building block of the ‘me’ that I am willing  to live with for the rest of my life

 

Thanks for reading.

Sea of Liberation

 

Learn how to Be Free

 


475. Self Commitment in Relationships

Or how to walk through distractions from developing one’s relationship with oneself and another.

 

My point in this process is definitely personal relationships, that’s the ‘weakness’ or ‘weak point’ that I am now in a phase of my life that I have decided to create and stand in to strengthen myself as well as walking with my partner that is walking his own process of becoming a better person as  he has expressed it. I recognize that my relationship is assisting me in precisely learning to transcend a lot of the relationship programming that I have accumulated throughout time and from my past experiences to discover a whole aspect of myself that I hadn’t yet lived in a relationship before, because of still sticking to playing particular roles based on fears or desires within relationships.  

Giving a step of further commitment in a relationship has also been an entirely new terrain that I had placed myself to walk through once before in such consideration, but it didn’t work out as expected though I learned a lot from that one experience to prepare myself for the one I am in now. This commitment in a relationship to one person  sometimes seems outdated or plain fearful to many because one perceives that one is then locked with another for a lifetime and there’s no way around it and one has to ‘stick with it’ no matter what. But, I’ve realized how as with everything a relationship has to be devoid of expectations, beliefs, traditions, cultural ways that can also infiltrate an idea of what a relationship has to be or what a commitment is and how it is represented.

I like the perspectives that were given in a hangout about relationships being something that lasts forever and how these fellow Destonians shared perspective that enabled me to understand how a relationship is something that is assessed and evaluated as one goes living in it. It takes a lot of self honesty here because I’ve been there myself so many times wherein when I am being challenged in my own ways, and the usual thing was to react to those conflicts and  deliberately sabotaging the relationship, giving up on it and not pushing through the difficult times to take my own responsibility in the co-creation process. I’ve been there before in situations of leaving a ‘back door open’ for someone else while in a relationship and the ripple effects this creates even if perceiving oneself to be fully committed and only considering it in one’s mind – as well as acting out on those intentions as well.

This time in the relationship I am in, I’ve been challenged in many ways, to the core of myself dare I say and this is exactly what I wanted in fact, someone that could assist me to outgrow the old me in relationships, with my plethora of expectations and desires of particular ‘ways’ to live a relationship that I have slowly but surely come to redefine into something that is quite new for me and comfortable to say the least, it’s like living with another ‘me’ as in having no particular relationship towards that other person in the old-ways or approaches I had to past partners which would turn into a rollercoaster of conflicts and mixed emotions – and that’s been quite refreshing to me as well.  Here also to remind myself that I can in no way compare anything or anyone for that matter, this is always a trick of our minds to keep us ‘captive’ in ghosts of the past, instead of focusing on what’s here, very much physical and alive to live.

However here a point I walked for myself as a very personal aspect in my writings is ensuring that I am not keeping a ‘door open’ or ‘see possibilities’ outside of my current relationship and reality. Here it is realizing what it means to feed or give one’s time and breath to think about ‘what ifs’ or potential other experiences in relationships, it is about realizing that I am committing to myself, to for the first time fully stick to my principles of self-honesty and the agreement that I have with myself and so with another to stand clear in a relationship without hidden agendas or intentions to ‘keep other possibilities in mind’ or ‘available’ in our lives, not even in a thought-manner.

This is one of those parts of myself that  I have ‘minimized’ or seen as insignificant, thinking I can deal with it completely, that it’s under control – but, oh reality challenges oneself in the most awesome ways really where I have had to stand very clear in a form of self-discipline with regards to my relationship and work out a lot this point within myself when it comes to this self-agreement and the relationship that I’ve formed where I know firsthand the kind of ripples as in frictions, conflicts, distancing that happens whenever one entertains any thought about ‘other people’ or ‘what ifs’ as ‘potentials’ or ideas related to past partners or how it ‘could be/could have been’ to be in a relationship with this/that person . This point emerged as I was reading Kristina’s blog yesterday and considered how I have been precisely looking at this, how it is a form of the ‘revenge of the ego’ where we can be in a very settled, supportive and grounded relationship, yet how easily we can fuck it up by entertaining memories, ideas and experiences of who I was in the past in relationships that eventually come up as suppressed desires in dreams that I then have to face and recognize them as aspects/parts of myself that I have to make a clear decision to stop feeding within myself.

I see this point representing a perceived ‘lack’ or ‘desire to live the past’ which in my case, it was not at all a ‘good and supportive experience’ for the most part – but at the same time, I also have been looking recently at recognizing what can I take of each person that was part of my life in a relationship and integrate those aspects as part of myself too – as well as in recognizing which aspects of myself I developed, discovered or grew as my expression while being in those relationships in the past   while at the same time reminding me of all the conflicts and problems that I faced with each one and that I have been able to learn from in order to face experiences and conflicts that emerge in a relationship with another, which to my surprise in my current relationship has been quite different altogether from my previous experiences and I can only thank this Desteni process for it, specifically the Agreements/relationships course where I learned what it is to stand in self-agreement and see a relationship as an addition of 1+1 complete people walking together in support of each one’s living and working to become the better versions of ourselves.

My point of self-honesty to develop and work on in this case is precisely within the who I am in what I entertain or give space/breaths within my every day living when it comes to memories or ‘what ifs’ based on – once again – memories, ideas, beliefs, perceptions that can lead oneself to believe ‘one is missing out’ on something/someone or how ‘better’ things could have been in this/that situation with this or that person – these thoughts if entertained in the form of possibilities or memories, it actually becomes a weight upon oneself, where one creates a stagnation in one’s day to day flow by focusing on something as an idea or experience that is only in our minds – while missing out the reality that is very much here to keep focusing on nurturing, growing, expanding and creating to see who I can be and become when walking in  loyalty, honor and respect towards myself when it comes to what I accept and allow to exist within me in relation to my relationship with another, honoring it and ensuring that I am living in a way that I can be at the end of times and stand with myself, my decisions and essentially be able to live with myself, because I’ve been in situations before where it becomes a personal hell to try and shove aside situations of self-dishonesty in relationships and not face them or admit them to myself.

Here then I commit myself to continue developing – for the very first time – a stance of full commitment to my relationship in thought, word and deed, so that whatever time and focus I create in the realm of relationships, I focus on my potential and ‘sculpture to keep working on’ as the relationship and commitment I am in, reminding myself of how many times I have allowed a simple desire for an experience to derail me from a path of integrity and honesty with myself and another – therefore this is what I will be focusing on to strengthening within me, which actually appeals quite a lot to correcting a very sneaky and repetitive pattern throughout my life that I have had a hard time to admit to myself exists in me.

Being loyal to myself is not only being loyal ‘towards my partner’ but being loyal to my commitment, to my integrity, to what I have decided from the beginning I would live in relation to this other human being I am walking with, in an agreement that we made towards one another and that I want to make sure I honor and live to the T in my life as the new me that I am creating for myself, no longer conditioned/condemned to repeat the past, but stick to a better version of me in this part of my life.

Here a reminder for myself how something that I considered was initially insignificant and kept aside from writing about it became a gift, a reminder of what I commit myself to and expand myself to in relation to relationships in general in my life, to not give ‘into’ a fleeting experience that is unsubstantial, and stick to the reality, the physicality of what’s here for me as a stone to continue to sculpt into self-perfection : ) hands on matter

Thanks for reading.

 two heads

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


474. The Intensity of Wanting To Change Others

 

Or how to slow myself down when attempting to make others see what I see for their own process of self-change

Continuing from 472. Humbleness in Process

 

I’ve noticed another situation wherein I have to consider and apply humbleness in process. This is about an experience that comes with a surge of energy, an impetus stemming from a desire to open someone’s eyes about a situation that I can see is compromising, is diminishing, is limiting to oneself-  in a nutshell, is of self-dishonesty and I may see the reasons, the beliefs involved, the energetic addictions that go along with it that another may be participating in and justifying it in various ways that even if they might sound ‘reasonable’, they always still contain a sort of self-sabotage that pops out very clearly when it comes to getting to the bottom of a situation in self-honesty.

I have seen how I tend to create a certain impetus in myself, a sort of ‘push’ that almost wants to throw a bucket of cold water upon another and say ‘Wake up! Can’t you see what you are doing to yourself!’ and this has happened multiple times in multiple ways to multiple kinds of people in my life, from the ones that I get to glimpse while walking on the street or in a public place, to the people that I live and interact with on a daily basis. So, here I have to focus entirely on myself, my own ‘impetus’ and desire for another to ‘see themselves’ the way I see things, because this is coming in fact from an imposition of a limitation wherein it’s like someone giving you the answers to what is ‘going on with you’ which prevents you from understanding yourself and doing the self-work required to get to those realizations for yourself. In essence I would be dishonoring someone’s integrity and individuality If I stand as that ‘someone’ that can ‘show the way’ and even that is also a bit too conceited of me because I’ve realized I absolutely don’t have an ‘answer’ to everything either, nor have I had the life experiences that others have had, therefore, we can only ever reference each other but each one of us ultimately has to find their own way so to speak.

So, what is this ‘impetus’ showing me about myself? First of all, that no matter how much of my time I also dedicate to assisting and supporting others, I have to make sure I don’t patronize or push others to ‘see’ things the same way I am seeing them, because then that would in fact imply that I am wanting to ‘change them’ and push them into a point of realization that I also cannot enforce upon anyone in reality, but stick to moderating myself whenever this impetus and impulse comes from within and towards others in relation to ‘waking someone up!’ or wanting them to ‘snap out of something’ that in fact dwindles their ability to develop a seeing, develop a self-understanding through self-investigation.

Here then, first of all, I have to remind myself that no matter how much I can see through the situation another is in, the choice is theirs and only theirs to walk through with the tools and support they can give to themselves and decide to see beyond the veil by their own will and decision to do so. I have to remind myself I would become ‘their cane’ to walk through a realization and could become something/someone they depend on to keep walking through a point that is and will always be entirely up to themselves to take responsibility for.

I can only ever be a point of reference for the steps of self-support that another is deciding to implement in their own lives, I can only ever share my own personal path and experience but I cannot have this intensity in my words attempting to tell them ‘wake up!’ with an energy that indicates a desperation in me – or seeing a potential as well – but in either way this reaction/energetic experience shows me I am not being patient enough in realizing each one’s path and process of self-awareness, which is a unique process where it will depend on each person to decide how they walk their lives/process and that I have to be ok with being patient in walking with another in their own time/space and pace based on their own self-given steps towards their self-creation and self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energy surge within myself that comes up whenever I am talking to someone, seeing someone that is doing something that could be bettered, corrected, realized because even if I may see a way through in that problem, hurdle or obstacle, in an attempt to ‘wake them up’ I can feel that I become simply much more intense in my voice tonality as in speaking louder, faster and widening my eyes, tightening my body – or if being typing I start typing super-fast and I even become warmer and more intense in the way that I want to communicate towards another, without realizing that such intensity comes from a need in me to ‘wake another up’, to essentially ‘change who they are’ in that moment so that they can then ‘see the same I see’ or ‘understand the way through,’ which is in fact coming from a desperation within me that is not considering the other person in who they are as individuals, with their own process, their own mind, their particular unique set of patterns, life experiences, memories… the list is endless when it comes to seeing a single individual human being in their mind and the place they are at in their life.

Therefore whenever I come at someone with this intensity and this push through my voice, through my words, through the intensity of the words that I use, I have to realize for myself that all of it is coming from a reaction within me that is at the same time not only feeling like ‘their lives are upon me’ – but also it is a part of me that is not seeing another for who they are or where they are in their lives and personal process, which means, I am in fact not being humble and considerate towards another, but I then believe that others can ‘get it’ the same way I do and in doing so, believing that the other person can see what I see, has lived what I’ve lived, has realized what I’ve realized in an exact way as myself, which is impossible to do, because we are two different beings and I cannot compare myself to another.

Whenever I see myself getting into this ‘intensity’ in communication, in sharing something, I have to make sure that I can fine tune the ways in which I can share myself, be there for another as a point of support without that energy-rush in me and an energy push towards them in an attempt to ‘shake up’ another person, because there I am invading their self-responsibility, their self-direction and their self-awareness development process at the same time, so

I commit myself to learn and practice being more patient in moments when I see a person is in a crux of a process of self-change, and where I can see potentials and ways in which they could walk a particular process towards a correction, an integration of certain words and principles –I have to let go of wanting to ‘push’ a particular way of seeing things, a particular understanding and have to make sure that I am not imposing myself, not imposing what I see unto another but ensure I am only there as an equal that can share a living example and personal experiences with them – as a point of support, a crutch for another’s personal walk for a moment, however ultimately realizing that I cannot become their own feet, their own mind and their own will to move or do something in particular. This would be me imposing myself onto another and therefore, I have to allow myself to breathe and give space and time for another to decide how far, how fast or how slow, how deep or how shallow they decide to explore or face a particular point in their lives, because such ways to live and face our lives depend entirely on ourselves and no one else can really do it for us, such as I have seen and tested for myself.

Therefore, I commit myself to focus on precisely changing this aspect of myself that wants to ‘change another’ or ‘show the way’ to someone else through a surge of words that are coming from a state of reacting in impatience or a ‘desire to wake another up’ which at the same time exists as a fear of ‘the other one not seeing through in this point they’re facing’ and somehow blaming it on me at the same time because of perceiving that if they don’t see it through, then it would mean I am ‘not being there for them to walk it through’ – but here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive – no matter how slightly – that another’s life and process depends very much on me and my input and support, which in fact is not so, I can only ever share my own experiences, my own ways of self-support, assist in considering self-honesty in certain situations in my life that I can then share as first hand experience, but I cannot ever make decisions for another, I cannot ever push another to do or think or act in a particular manner and I have to allow independence in another to also figure it out for themselves.

It’s interesting because this is something that I have very much a tendency to do, sometimes act like a mother – in the current most-prevalent design of a mother nowadays – towards people that can scold and get flustered about seeing situations and potential consequences and kind of ‘knowing how the story will end’ and attempt to control and warn and inject a form of fear in an attempt to wake someone up, but, this has been proven to be not a supportive manner most of the times. Sometimes I have to assess the situation and the extent in which something/someone is requiring a particular point of support, but in this I have to now at the same time focus on myself in moderating the way that I bring these points across.

How to do that? I realize it is a matter of letting to this ‘desire to wake someone up’ or to ‘have them see something’ that I am seeing with clarity and acknowledging their process, their self-awareness, their point in their lives and the situation they are in as something that they have created for themselves – which means we always are responsible to ourselves – and so either make it or break it as they say and understanding that my role in this is only assisting in suggesting ways to look at a situation, asking questions that can assist another to consider self-honesty, but I can never change someone with this intensity and impetus coming in subtle forms of anger or plain despair as well. That won’t work at all.

I have to honor myself and my self-honesty first of all, which means I can then honor and respect another’s process of self-honesty as well. As my partner just reminded me, one has to be self-honest in order to assist another to develop such self-honesty as well and my self-honesty here is stopping this surge, impetus and intensity within me that is trying to force change upon another, which is something that cannot ever be done, as each person can only ever change themselves by their own volition and decision to do so.

I can stand as an example of what it is to regard another’s life and process in their unique location, positioning, rather focusing in seeing ‘where they are at’ in their awareness, how they are approaching a situation, asking questions that can bring up practical solutions and considerations – but in moments where I see that they are not seeing through a particular veil of emotion, reactions, memories, experiences, I have to take a moment to Breathe and sloooow myself down completely and walk with them in the point they are at.

Here within myself I have to make sure that I am comfortable in my own body which means I have to step down from ‘prescribing my own discourse’ towards another which is coming from focusing only in my head and so, give myself time to feel my body which in this stage of facing a resistance in another to change, to see something, I am usually already building up a tension, a strain even at times within my physical body where I can notice my eyes are getting wider, my voice tonality gets louder, I can get out of breath, I can start speaking faster and faster with no space to leave the other to interact back or even ‘follow through with my train of thought’ because it is all completely driven through and as energy – same with typing, typing superfast and not allowing much space for another to go interacting with what I go saying either. I have to slow down and be patient, not be anxious about it.

I have to breathe and allow myself to listen, to hear, to read another’s expression and words, to consider them, to see what they are experiencing, how they are looking at a situation, where are they in their particular life-situation and so, I have to develop that humbleness and consideration in those moments wherein I can be in a position to assist another in a particular time or situation in their lives where I have to place myself in their shoes, to identify within myself where and how I have been in a similar situation or source from other situations that I have been that can be similar in nature, and so bring forth/share my own experience to share how I got to a point of self-honesty in walking through those times or situations, or how I am still assisting myself through a similar situation – so as to precisely stand as an example, sharing a potential way that another can consider for themselves. This I have to make sure I am sharing without the hidden agenda and intent of wanting to save, ‘wake another up’ or ‘having them see what I SEE they are still accepting and allowing in themselves’ because this is still coming up from a personal desire, and not from my own self-honesty.

Here self-honesty for me is reminding myself and understanding that I cannot ever save another, I cannot ever change another, I cannot ever impose ‘what to do or not to do’ unto another – I have to honor, respect and allow independence in another’s process of self-realization on whichever situation or part of themselves they are facing in their own lives, and here then My point of focus then becomes my own moderation, alignment and correction of my expression towards another.

This means, focusing more on making questions that can assist another to see, to practice living calm and stability as I am placing out these questions and considerations – to not create an expectation or a ‘threatening potential outcome’ as a way to push them to decide to act or not act upon something in order to create a particular outcome that I am considering is ‘better,’ which in fact comes from a deep-desire of doing ‘the right thing’ which is based on morality and a limited way of perceiving someone’s life process, when in fact I’ve seen for myself how if I had stood for and towards myself as I stand towards others in an attempt to ‘save them from doing the wrong things,’ I would have walked away from this bossy-me and still would have proceeded to do the things that yes, caused consequences in my life but at the same time are now learning experiences that I got to live through and work through for myself.

Therefore, I have to stand in equality with another, not as a ‘corrector’ but as an equal that stands in consideration of assisting another, walking by their side in their pace, in their considerations, in their ways of approaching things and expanding myself to consider their ways of walking their lives, the way in which they decide to face their life situations – with its faults and flaws- to embrace them the same way that I’ve learned to do so in my own life, to not judge it, to not see it as wrong, to not want them to ‘become’ or ‘reach’ a particular outcome in their lives because that is always up to each person in their lives to do so.

Here then I focus on myself, continuing to learn and apply flexibility in these moments when this ‘upsurge’ of intensity in my expression comes up, so that I can then flag-point this moment and understand I am stepping into the ‘intense-me’ and ‘lower the volume’ so to speak in how I express myself, assert my starting point in talking/assisting another, to level it down to a point of acknowledging and honoring each one’s life and process of self-responsibility, learning from their walks in life and being gentle in how I approach others because I know for a fact based on how I was raised that being reached out to through energy in the forms of control, imposition, scolding and threats don’t work at all.

Best ways I’ve been implementing in my partnership relationship is in fact based on slowing down and considering another, not pushing too much, yet making questions that can assist in seeing things differently and not expecting another to ‘change’ based on how I have done so in my life and follow that way ‘to the T’ –  but instead through sharing my own personal experiences in walking similar patterns and ‘where I am at’ in relation to it, how I go working on them. So I find it interesting that I have managed to get better at this ‘patronizing’ pattern in me in my relationship, because I have created a direct process of feedback with my partner in relation to this, speaking about it and identifying in real time how this ‘intensity’ unfolds within me – but, it seems that I haven’t extended this to other people that don’t always point it back at myself – like family members (except for my mother) and people I directly assist in their personal process of self-support or in regular interactions ‘on the streets’, but even on that one I’ve made it a very present point for me to stop judging people so much out there and instead focus on my own stopping of judging and reacting. That’s my point! 

Therefore, here I make myself aware of changing the way that I approach another within this context of intensity/energy charge in which I attempt to have another see the way I see things, or realize something or open up or ‘see the dishonesty’ for what it is, because, I will eventually become only a control-freak and a prey to my own imposition if I continue doing this with others in my life.  I have to make space as in breathing, letting go of my desired outcome/point of control and so focus on settling myself physically to slow down, to not feed expectations or ideas of ‘what another should be able to see or consider’ and rather keep walking at their side, at their pace, not on top, not in front but walking-with another in what is and will always be a process of self-support, because it can only ever be truly applied by each one/ourselves.

I can stand as an equal in supporting another to see themselves, but I have to let go whenever I can see and understand that there are more points to unfold in order to see/understand a point of self-creation, sometimes consequences have to unfold to realize what we are actually doing or participating in ourselves. And I have to accept that is each one’s decision as well, instead of attempting to ‘save’ others from going down misery lane or ‘making mistakes’ because in the end, it’s not about doing good and not bad in this process, it’s about transcending that morality and rather see for ourselves who we are in each situation, what can we learn from each situation about ourselves. I can only assist with observing such situations from an equal stand-point in where each person sees it for themselves, and how they are approaching it and then suggest ways to look at it, to consider certain aspects, to ask in a way for them to reflect about themselves and their choices and decisions, that’s about it.

I realize I don’t require at all an energy surge within me to stand as this point of support for another, I don’t require to bee ‘too intense’ in sharing something because the intensity, the control and imposition with which it comes through won’t ever have a supportive effect on another – the actual supportive words are those that contain zero-reactions, zero self-interest, zero-fears, zero-expectations, zero-control-freakism, zero-judgment and zero-neglect at the same time because it is a fine balance between caring for another while also allowing them to walk on their own entirely, because I would definitely want everyone else to also stand on their own two feet and not depend on me or anyone else to be able to live – it is about a process of cross-referencing one’s own life and understanding of oneself – that is always healthy when it comes to learning to see ourselves, to understanding our own minds, to have another ‘pair of eyes’ to see through us in humbleness and consideration.

So to me this is yet a very specific gift in my process and positioning within this Desteni Process where I am getting to walk as well some of my most ingrained patterns that actually come up in situations where I am in a position and role of assistance and support towards others, which is therefore a very relevant point for me to be in in order to learn and fine tune my understanding, comprehension, consideration towards others, to allow them to see for themselves and cross-reference whatever comes up. This is then being an assistance in a process that is always of self-support since no one else can do it for us, we always have ourselves and only ourselves as our responsibility, which includes my ways of interacting and expressing towards others that are also my responsibility.

I’ll keep an eye testing these points in real time whenever this surge comes up in me. This is something that expands and extends to how I relate to anything and anyone in my life and reality, I’d very much like our relationships to be of interdependence and independence where we can count on each other yet at the same time realizing the fundamentals of self-responsibility at all times, that’s the marvel of walking as equals yet as individuals.

Thanks for reading

 

Mirror- my error

 

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