Author Archives: Marlen

About Marlen

I'm a human being that has decided to live by the principle of Life in Equality and place myself as a point of support for everyone that's willing to birth themselves as Life in this world.

514. Debunking My Intellectual Arrogance

Or learning to apply the principle of ‘Investigate all things and keep what’s best’ and create a constructive outcome of a personal investigation

Today I woke up and listened to some more information that I’ve been following through for some months that essentially debunk and expose a lot of the ‘alternative culture’ I believed myself to choose to live by while growing up and more so as a teenager and young adult, which was at the time finding a way ‘out’ of the ‘common-culture’ or what I perceived as ‘the normal’ preferences in my environment and mostly in order to form a particular personality ‘out of the normalcy’, but also in an attempt to find something more meaningful in life than what I was immediately ‘offered’ to.  

Now, based on all these investigations I’ve watched, everything that I once learned to appreciate and identify with has been debunked as covert operations to precisely create the types of people and therefore societies in which we are actually living today, with certain notions of ‘radical’ values, ‘out of the norm’ ways of being, preferences that divert our attention from that which I now see and consider of importance and substance in my life.

What I have noticed though is that upon finding out the truth about all those ‘idols’ and people I got to admire at some point in my life and slowly but surely realizing that yes, they were mostly part of some CIA operation that aimed at creating ‘rascals’ or ‘punks’ or ‘hippies’ or ‘socially unfit’ people etc. .and in a way to continue ‘dividing and conquering’ or ‘confusing’ the masses and the youth specially so as to keep everyone well entertained with what I for me and my life consider not relevant things in life.

And here I also noticed that even if I have a clarity on how there is really no ‘mind control’ unless one accepts and allows it through participating it – meaning there’s a two way responsibility here – I still noticed that my overall ‘silent’ reaction was that of disappointment, disenchantment which leads into the usual experiential outflow ‘from love to hate,’ that in my case it turns into this absolutist stance where I am very quick to dismiss it all as ‘a lie’ or ‘bollocks’ or ‘mind control/ brainwashing’ and in one go wanting to completely ‘cut out’ all of myself that I once invested into all of that alternative or ‘counter culture’ that I once was a firm proponent of and supporter.

How did I come to realize this and write about it? Today after I shared the one post on Facebook to prompt people to ‘get informed!’ I went to the Desteni Forum and read a response that Sunette placed for someone else in a similar context to my situation here and that allowed me to be aware of this ‘lashing out’ that I was doing with certain intellectual righteousness and how I have in fact done this ‘from love to hate’ type of relationship with not only musicians, writers or artists in general, but also with philosophies, religious documents and other practices that I did test out for some time in my past and that I completely ‘threw out of the window’ the moment I started this process and in a way creating my own ‘radicalization’ that doesn’t apply the principle of ‘investigate all things and keep what’s best’, but go into the – once again – absolutist stance where I render all of it obsolete in my life, of no use, a waste of time and whenever asked about it, I can quickly dismiss it all as if there was zero value in it at all, which is not so, regardless of its underlying purpose.

So here I want to redeem myself in relation to this and what I so easily jump into a ‘black or white’ type of approach when in reality, it reminds me of having to remember my process. Here specifically considering the life that I’ve lived and how while I was growing up, I took what I found interesting at the time and what I thought would assist me to know ‘alternative perspectives’ and other types of ‘thinking’ than the one around me. At the time I had no reference of living principles or self-honesty or ways to question the kind of values I was getting into – maybe I did know what I was getting myself unto but didn’t question it further because ‘if others were doing it then why shouldn’t I too?’ type of thinking.

At the time I didn’t have any further information that could show me exactly what the ‘agenda’ behind any of the entertainment or arts I got into were really about and if I am honest with myself, a lot of that at the time and in its context allow me to get to know different people and get to nurture different perspectives, maybe not the most ‘supportive ones’ but were a sort of bridge or way for me to then get to be where I am now which was, breaking through certain parameters, norms, learning to question more and explore some other ‘lifestyles’ even if it was mostly through adopting certain preferences in literature, music or arts.

So here’s the quote that prompted me to look into this:

I suggest rather look at your past teachings, information, material, processes – whether good or bad, in a way of “what did I actually LEARN from it? What did I realise as I reflected on the consequences, the good, bad and ugly? How did it all actually assist and support me to realise and understand more about myself? What impact did it have on my life / awareness?” Then, in asking yourself these questions – you can SHARE, in a constructive way what you realized about yourself through it all. This SUPPORTS YOU and MANY others SO MUCH MORE than ‘lashing out / blaming / reacting’ towards anything / anyone in your past, as well as speaks volumes for who you are as a person.

In addition to this all – do realise your responsibility within making the choice / decision to invest in and participate in the past interactions / materials / processes; they did not enforce / demand / control you to. According to what you made of it, was by your will, initiative, self, decisions, reactions, responses, behaviours etc. 


So, again, and this goes for all who has the tendency to do this – POLARISE and REACT TOWARDS others, groups, teachings, materials – rather live “investigate all things, keep what’s good”, where you strive to be HUMBLE and rather UNDERSTAND it / them, take from it that APPLIES TO YOU, that you can use to be the BEST of you in thought, word, deed, self and life creation. 

Now also in your journey with Desteni / within Desteni = ensure you take the responsibility of deciding who you are, how to utilize it, support and assist yourself as you are in your own hands within the confines of your own mind, being and body and so solely responsibility for the decisions you make and the experiences you create; so as to not to one day for some reason shift in your decisions and go into blame and reactions towards something / someone for who you are and what you experience, rather LEARN and GROW and EXPAND. 


We tend to only BLAME and REACT when we in fact did not honestly reflect, learn, see and change at all… – Sunette Spies and the whole context of the topic please, you can read it here: http://forum.desteni.org/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=7978

 

This is very supportive for me to consider at the moment and my approach to ‘getting informed’ and how I’ve been using it as a way to covertly lash out towards all of that which I once invested my time and life on.

Here thus taking my own responsibility, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the awareness of what some people have found are the real motives and purposes behind counter culture or alternative culture that I once firmly believed myself to be a part of and that I supported, recommended and promoted through my ways of thinking, speaking, my habits and relationships wherein now that I got to know a different perspective on it – or let’s say one of its main purposes – I reacted to it by deciding to expose it, attempting to generate controversy toward it in an attempt to ‘prevent’ others from being following the same or follow into ‘the same trap’ that I believe myself to have fallen into in the past, instead of realizing that I am definitely not going to be able to save anyone by merely ‘exposing’ stuff and vilifying it with the mightiest words I might have at hand, because I realize that only generates or regenerates the polarization as friction and conflict that lacks actual substantial personal input that could in turn be more humble and considerate to share from myself.

Here I therefore consider that I can instead share what I learned from it, what I discovered about myself with it and so at the same time showing the process I have walked to now understand the effects of my participation and integration of certain ways of thinking and living and how I have come to realize for myself, in my life and context are not best for myself, my life, my principles.

This means that I have to develop humbleness in reminding myself that the actual fact is that I had ‘positive expectations’ and thought of myself to be ‘better of’ or ‘superior’ in relation to my participation in this alternative/counter-culture I once sought to be a part of. Therefore when getting to find out that I ‘got myself duped in it’, all the ‘good’ turns to ‘bad’ and that’s how the lashing out and talking ‘against’ all of it becomes a knee-jerk reaction, instead of realizing that this is who I am as the mind that jumps from one pole to the other, instead of taking a moment to breathe, see how I there’s this ‘impulse’ that is moving me which I must take as an indication that I need to take a breath to look at the situation outside of my initial reaction and expand my perspective beyond the ones that I am now seeing being presented as ‘the reality’ or ‘the only truth’ behind it.

I can realize that I have to jump out of the lashing-out bandwagon and slow myself down to instead take a moment to reflect on that which is being ‘exposed’ about something and learn to process this for myself and so share what I’ve also learned from about myself within it or from it, sharing where I noticed that I compromised myself and my common sense to be ‘part of it’ and  so in turn creating a more constructive review of it all in a way that people can learn to also discern for themselves and reflect back on my own sharing.

Ultimately, I can only ever share my own example, my own discernment and self-investigation, but I definitely have to step out of the notion that through me reproving and exposing something will lead others to immediately change their ways and embrace my views and perspectives, this is more like wanting to ‘convert’ others which is not who I want to be in my life, that would not be me assisting others in their own self-realization either, but me trying to convert others to ‘my views’ now and that won’t ever work.

I can only ever share my views, perspectives in a constructive manner while ensuring that I am not holding any emotions to it or personal investment of ‘ego’ in it all, because the very process of sharing anything in my case is to precisely debunk my own personalities, my own ego, my own bias ultimately and I appreciate the fact that I can read stuff like the quote I posted above and be able to own my creation, to take it as a useful point of feedback that even if it wasn’t intended ‘for me’ per se, assisted me a lot to see my relationship with all of those people related to the counter-culture, philosophies or ‘alternative’ movements that I once embraced as ‘who I am’.

Here also a reminder for myself how even if those movements could have been psy-ops and covert operations to dissociate culture, we have made them effective through our own participation and not questioning to the T what kind of principles and values we are imprinting in ourselves within it all, what kind of direction in life are we aiming at with it?

And this is not about ‘those’ people that directed these movements ‘to blame’ – it’s entirely about our own responsibility, our own participation – myself that decided to get into it all and embrace it without a question– even if for only a phase in my life.

Bottom line is, I could not have done ‘all the perfect choices’ in my life and specially while being a teenager and finding my way through the world – not a justification either – but there’s a lot more that we could instead create as ways for the young ones to not fall prey of certain ‘cultural movements’ that lead oneself ‘nowhere’ in life, but to learn to discern and make choices in self-responsibility.

Therefore, this is not a ‘problem solved’ for me, this intellectual arrogance is something that I definitely have to keep working on because even if I can have a deep understanding of reality, ourselves as human beings, our mind, etc. – it’s all still an understanding, a base or foundation of information that can assist in living our lives in a more supportive manner, yet I still have to live It and continue to test it, apply it, be it and ensure that there is no egotism or superiority formed around ‘what I am aware of’ currently either, because that’s not the point at all about this process from consciousness to self-awareness as life either.

So, I keep working on myself and will continue sharing whenever this point emerges back on, as well as some time sharing more of myself in this counter culture too.

Thanks for reading  

 Master of the Worlds

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


513. How to Live the Word Control?

Or exploring the negative aspects of control in order to see the supportive potential that this word contains as well for my life

The first association that comes to this word is definitely ‘control-freak’ which is one of the things I’ve shared about throughout these blogs as an aspect to change about myself and that has been most challenging to me, and what I’ve discovered is that there are fears behind the desire to control something or someone.

What is the nature I accept and allow myself to exist as ‘control’? Looking underneath it, it’s fear and fear usually related to judgments, perceptions, ideas I have about myself of something that I want to keep ‘as is’ and so attempt to control that something or someone to remain in a particular perspective or way that ‘I want it to be’ so that it can benefit me, be my point of comfort, preference or self-interest – which means that my imposition of control over something or someone is coming from the various points of preferences, personalities, characters that I’ve become and that I’ve used as an excuse, reason or justification to want things to be a certain way, to fit ‘my idea’ of how things should be and some other times, to not have to change something in my life and remain in a comfortable status-quo.

This time I approach this word to clear it up in my immediate or conscious associations which are mostly related to negative things as I can see, stuff relating to what I have comically defined as ‘the fascist’ in me, the absolutist, dictatorial, control-freak, and bluntly wanting others to do what I consider is better or ‘more right’ according to ‘my standards.’ This is why I have been – to a certain extent – applying and living the word flexibility, to curb these impulses or automated patterns in me, but I recognize it might still be at very superficial levels where I am mostly stopping my impulse to control, but at the same time haven’t actually embraced or integrated the expression of flexibility as who I am, because many times I still catch myself having this tension as a form of ‘control’ of myself in my mind coming through in over-analyzing, being judgmental, too strict, too exigent, wanting things to be done in a particular way, etc. And this means then that there’s more to understand and integrate of the word flexibility within myself, along with tuning into the physical nature of who I am as life that needs no fears to exist, but is, expresses, lives, grows, expands, adapts, lets others be.

Here I’m getting to see that it’s not like the word control should be all things that are ‘bad’ and negative, there is another way to live this word and it is related to an ability to direct ourselves which I had considered only partially as in the expression ‘controlling one’s emotions,’ but I have mostly associated that at the same time as a way to refrain them, contain and ultimately suppress which is not at all a directive decision, but more like a ‘stopping’ without much awareness into it or understanding on why one should do that.

Self-control I see as an ability to direct oneself, I associate it with a moderation, a volition, a will that we can apply and live out as oneself. It is like living out the notion of ‘putting a guard in front of your mind or mouth’ where one can prevent consequences, prevent emotional or feeling outbursts by maintaining a continuous awareness of oneself in one’s mind and physical body and making decisions or choices that are supportive for oneself. And in times like today where a lot of the mental problems come from a point of one not being able to control one’s thoughts, experiences any longer, I see it as a primary point of self-support to develop, even more so when we already know we have certain habits, addictions, patterns that are not supportive for oneself – that’s where self-control can be applied but not only to prevent problems, but as a way to generate or develop the better aspects or potential of ourselves too.

At a world system level I have seen the word control as something that is imposed by those in elitist positions out of fear of not having people doing ‘what they will’, but at the same time within understanding our current human nature, I also see control as a needed measure considering how we have become unreliable in our own minds to in fact be, live and do ‘what is best for all’ – I mean, I would say that control is something tyrannical if we were all living completely by principles that benefit all life, but we’re not . So in essence we have created our own ‘elites’ that represent that ‘police man in the head’ in a system like this in order to keep some order; this form of control represents more of a consequence of us not learning to live and consider each other as equals, to respect, honor and regard each other in the best way possible. If that had been our ‘way of living’ then we would not be needing any form of control or external restraint, if there was self-restraint as a basic common sensical consideration that we can have in every moment to think, act and do what is best for all, then we would be living in actual ‘free societies’, but we’re not living this at the moment – hence all the systems of control that are evolved more and more over time and will continue to do so until we realize how we are causing such upgrades in control systems.

Here then bringing both dimensions from the personal to the external of the word ‘control’ and how once that I remove the fear, judgments, beliefs, preferences and personalities behind control, it can exist as a form of self-direction, of consideration, of directing ourselves to live what is best for oneself in common sense = considering everyone and everything as equal to oneself, where we no longer have to ‘maintain’ an ego, ‘maintain’ an idea or perception of oneself towards others, where we no longer have to ‘manage consequences’ but instead deciding to control oneself as the impetus of ‘speaking our mind’ as it’s usually said, where the best of us can become the directive principle in our minds, beings and bodies in every moment – and so control, direct, move, ourselves in a way that is most supportive for ourselves and so everyone else.

Where did I get the idea to investigate this word ‘control’? From the following audio Rebirth with Bruce Lee – The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 101 that I found very supportive to expand my vision about expressing words and learning to see the word ‘control’ beyond the usual negative connotations I had imposed onto it and so, explore the ways in which I can live it and make it a supportive one, turn it into a word I can live instead of immediately linking it to a form of ‘policeman in the head’ or ‘totalitarian’ and ‘restrictive’ in a negative sense out of fear, but instead see that it is an aspect and potential of ourselves that can be lived as a form of self-discipline and ultimately as a point of self-honor and respect, to live the best of ourselves and stopping giving our breaths of life to the worst of part of us, while still then directing ourselves to work with it to understand it, self-forgive it and then decide to live and be the best version of ourselves. 

Thanks for reading

 

Three Kings

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


512. Process Works!

Or realizing the ways in which we can genuinely change and face challenging times in our lives with grace and self respect

Lately I have been surprising myself in the possible ways to face what would usually be a rather uncomfortable, depressing, difficult and generally ‘shitty’ time upon facing certain consequences in my life. And here I can say with open words: Process Works! because this time around and from the start to the end of this whole point of creation, I could live and experience myself way differently than before, I was certainly not reliving the ‘who I was’ in the past even if the situation itself could be quite similar to some others in the past.

This time I made a clear decision to change myself, to challenge my ways, to adapt, to be flexible, to learn from myself and others involved, to be considerate, to in many ways work through the forms of ‘control’ that I have come so used to exerting towards others, I’ve learned to not see others as the source of my problems but fully own my creation.

Yet it didn’t all just stop there in learning to not over react or not get emotionally overwhelmed about it – while yes, admitting at the same time that there are things that need to be let out through experiencing some emotions and letting out tears through it all, but I’ve found that I do not remain ‘sinking’ into it for long, I stand up back up and continue doing my things, which is another cool thing about responsibilities, seeing them as a point of stability that one has to get to and attend regardless of what’s going on in my reality.

What I also did this time is to learn to walk a consequence in a rather ‘graceful’ manner, meaning, not judging myself for it, not locking myself into a bundle of fears and resistances or judgments about the situation I was facing. I made it a point to not see it as ‘the end of the world’ but instead understand its process of creation as something that I am responsible for and therefore now having to walk it through its completion.

Also while managing all the practical points required to walk this consequence, I also noticed that I could get myself to a point of stability with relative ease, surely after walking through some fears, woes and nervousness around it – yet I could remain stable, grounded, clear in my decisions and my relationship with everyone involved, to the point where I saw how even if something turns out ‘badly’ one doesn’t have to go through an emotional experience that equates such outcome, because it serves no purpose.

This relates also to what I shared about yesterday in relation to that dream that I had where even if I was already ‘tackled’ by the ox-goat, the worst thing to do is to get over emotional about it and fearful and locked out of oneself in a panic attack. I decided to take it with ease, in calm and stability, in a stance not of blame, spite or anger – even though it did come up partially I did manage to walk through it before it became prominent – or completely changing the way I behave towards others from a ‘positive’ to the ‘negative’ either.

I didn’t do all of that because I understood that I would have taken myself to an experience that one has to continually be in one’s mind to justify and build reactions according to thoughts, memories, emotions that are being held through blame,  spite and through irresponsibility all the way and I decided that I wasn’t going to be that again this time around.

Instead, without being aware, I did walk through it all in a rather amicable, graceful, stable and considerate manner, without going into a ‘positivity’ either or suppressing what I was going through – because stuff did come up, but my constant pillar of self support was also there: Writing, self-forgiveness, reminding myself where I stand, what I am here for, what my purpose in this life is and also being grateful for this opportunity to see for once and for all where I was requiring radical actions to correct something in my life and then doing so not within a starting point of supporting myself, instead of seeing it as a problem only or a point of loss.

In essence changing the way I decided to walk through consequence has allowed me to see a part of myself, a way to be, live and act in moments where before I would have only imagined chaos, drama, pain and sorrow as an outcome. And the reason is… because of this process!

There’s nothing better you can invest yourself on than learning to see through the veils of consciousness, of emotions, of ‘problems’ and directly learn to tap into your potential even in difficult times, which doesn’t make things ‘easy’ per-se, but we can change who we are when facing our consequences and learn a lot about ourselves in the process, which means learning to see the troubles and outcomes in life as opportunities to grow, to expand, to learn about ourselves as I am now seeing in my case, which is quite satisfying for me to say the least.

A last pointer here: not to judge yourself for whatever you have created, faced or made a mistake about, being in guilt trips and remorse leads nowhere but a cul-de-sac of emotions without a way out – best to learn from it, learn about oneself as that point of creation and stand for it the best way one is able to, which is considering and doing what is best for all and leaving aside personal interests.

I definitely want everyone in this world to realize this potential we all have, and how to work through it so, start today if you’re ready to do your own, because we won’t get to change this world unless we’re all on the same page of realizing our potential for self-change and actually live it.

Thanks for reading

Suggested audios:

Disconnected Starting Points – Demons in the Afterlife – Part 74

Stop Over Complicating your Solution – Principled Living

 

 

 


511. Taming Emotions

Or what I observed about myself in a recent dream and how it relates to our possibility stand up in worst case scenarios

I had an interesting dream a few days ago that I find relevant to share because it speaks about my own relationship to emotions and specially fears that were represented quite well in my dream and who I was able to stand as in the dream, which was quite a surprising thing for myself and it relates very much to how I’ve been seeing myself quite stable and grounded regardless of some drastic changes in my life.

I was in a place where there were goats, like a mix of ox-goats because they were very strong and bulky, they were very unsettled and all over the place looking to simply ‘attack’ according to how I saw them – and immediately upon seeing myself in that situation, I got scared and feared that one of them would incrust its horns on my body and I’d end up dead on the spot. This actually happened immediately, what happened next is that the ox-goat was holding me with its horns against the wall and hurting me, yet when seeing myself in this situation – which dare I say for a dream is a ‘worst case scenario’ for sure – I made a decision to not give into panic and desperation, but rather do all that I could to soften up the situation, to slow down within myself and so with the animal.

I actually decided to connect with the ox-goat and aim to tranquilize him, to calm him down and so when he had me ‘pinned’ against the wall I embraced the goat/ox and started to quiet myself inside my mind and focused on breathing deeply until I was essentially still within myself. I interpret it as me going into the depth of myself, that part that is always here, as us, that part that is physical and stable, here, grounded and to my surprise it worked, which caused a little excitedness but I knew this could ‘wake him up again’ so I kept focusing on the stability, the breathing and holding the ‘beast’ as equal to myself, in that physicality and stability.

At the same time upon seeing the results, I knew that at the very least emotional ‘upheaval’ within me or attempt to let go out of fear, it could go back into the previous state wherein he was quite accelerated and literally all over the place wanting to hurt anyone he could. I was assessing this in that moment of being calm and embracing, yet I knew that then my ‘staying in physical stability’ and such calm and focusing on my breathing would have been also ‘fake’ if I was only doing it out of fear of ‘disturbing the beast again’ or only as a way to ‘save myself.’

So I had to correct my starting point again and continue breathing with it, embracing it, and being stable together and that’s all I can remember of that dream but I really liked the solution that I applied even in that very ‘worst case scenario’ of being wounded myself by its horns and I could also see the ox/goat wounded at the same time and instead of fearing, crying or just waiting to surrender to ‘my outcome,’ I decided to calm myself down and in doing so also get to calm the animal down and my intent was to show him he didn’t have to be all over the place, he could be at ease and peace within, which I had to stand as in equality to demonstrate it.

It was very cool indeed because as with any dreams, it’s not like they are just ‘made up’ things by our minds but currently dreams represent deep aspects about ourselves wherein we can actually apply our corrections, our processes of standing up even in situations that might seem ‘out of control’. Surely, maybe in real life this wouldn’t be possible and I would have been killed on the spot, lol, but what matters for the sake of the dream and my self-reflection is the decision I made right there to support myself and the animal as well to breathe, to be here, to be fully present, to get to our core and essence of both being physical and being able to recognize each other as equals, to not continue in the emotional upheaval or ‘fighting’ and ‘harming.’

This is quite a cool solution for myself wherein I can make sure that whenever I see myself going into emotions and be ‘all over the place’ I can decide to stop the inner-fight, the inner-conflict and simply embrace myself, remind myself of the core and physicality I am that is not of conflict, not of emotions, not of ‘fighting’ but where we can exist in a genuine stability as a way to support ourselves to calm down and essentially stop harming ourselves, because emotions do have a damaging effect on the body and it’s not cool at all to keep ‘rewinding’ our mind-cassettes that pump our emotions – or feelings – and eventually end getting us into a situation of self-harm, of self-disrespect, of dishonor, of pain, of sorrow, of hatred, of violence towards oneself or others – we definitely have to get out of that loop and instead learn to tranquilize ourselves, calm ourselves down, slow down and realize that just like in the dream, if one keeps ‘at it’ in our minds, generating emotions or feelings, causing continuous inner conflict, we’ll end up screwing ourselves, our lives, our bodies and our minds even more. There’s nothing ‘good’ that’s ever going to come out by acting out with emotions.

So I find it interesting that I had to see this in a more physical way and how I was hurting myself and what I had to do to precisely stop myself from getting wounded, and this dream came after a moment where I was becoming angry and in an experience of irritation for a situation I have created in my life, which I noticed was not the right way to follow through with and that I had to stop and take responsibility for my reactions, because nothing good was going to come out of it. This dream also came in the night after I wrote out the blog 506. From Despair to a Constructive Aftermath

where I wrote out and created a resolution for myself to not be ‘destructive’ against myself or others in the aftermath of a situation, but learn from it and change.

In a way here also to look at the name I’ve given to the animal as ‘the beast’ and how a beast is actually a physical being, have no mind as we do yet have instincts that are defined by survival, hence defense mechanisms, so upon showing that I meant no harm, I wasn’t playing out the ‘counter part’ to its reason to be exalted and all over the place, which then assists the other – the beast in this case – to calm down as well.

This is a cool confirmation for me, a genuine decision to stand up even in such situations and focus on the physical, literally, holding that ‘beast’ which I can see as my own emotional reactions and breathe with it, stabilize myself with it and prevent harm and further abuse within myself and toward others.

Breathing, stabilizing, calming oneself down are points we usually ‘forget’ about when we justify our emotions, but this image of myself being tackled by the ox can serve as a reminder for me to realize what I am doing to myself when being ‘all over the place’ with emotions or in an inner-conflict and instead, breathe, embrace my physicality, slow down and live words that are supportive for the moment.  

Thanks for reading and keep an eye on your dreams!

 

Hiding in my Sleep

 

Join us in our process of Individuals standing as Equals as LIFE


510. From Split to Integrity

 

Today I watched the movie ‘Split and only now I realize how it’s been somewhat common for me to use the word Split for situations where I have compromised myself and where I haven’t stood completely ‘whole’ in certain situations or with people in my life, facing the eventual consequences that this compromise or dishonesty creates, which implies that if I am not clear in the starting point of creation of something or I am aware I am not being honest with myself  in it, the outcome or result of it will force me to face my creation and my starting point for what it was.

A common example is when one establishes a relationship based on fearing to be alone and in doing so, because the fear is that of ‘being alone’ – and if this starting point is not corrected throughout the whole relationship – the outcome and result is that most likely such relationship will end and one will face one’s fear of ‘ending up alone’, which can be initially perceived as a ‘negative’ outcome, but it is in fact in this process of self-honesty where those ‘darkest moments’ of facing our fears and the result of our creations that we also learn from our mistakes and learn to strengthen ourselves and realize how we created such fear and made It real in our minds by evading it, thus evading to face the reality of ourselves which is the truth that will invariably – sooner or later – comes out to the surface for us to see it face to face.

 This is part of ‘owning my creation’ and realizing that as much as I would have liked things to be different in certain aspects of my life, I also at the same time can recognize the reasoning behind my decisions, the context of them and also being able to recognize how I invested myself, my time, my dedication to points of creation that I ‘hoped’ and yes created an ‘expectation’ could turn out differently, but they didn’t stand the test of time and a common emotional outcome of witnessing this is saying ‘I wish things could have been different’ but, as much as we could have seen a potential in something or someone, we cannot control the outcome when there are others involved in that same point of creation, we only have our self-responsibility. We can only be certain about who we are within it all from beginning to end – the rest and what pertains to others’ participation in the point of creation, we cannot control at all. We can assist, we can suggest ways but ultimately if the other person doesn’t stand through it in an equal stance of self-responsibility, that’s where consequence will speak for itself if one’s starting point wasn’t clear and wasn’t changed through and while in the creative process.

Here it’s also not to imply that one cannot have a ‘flawed’ starting point and not change it or align it as one goes participating in that process or creation, what matters is precisely having the intent and determination to change in the process and do what’s in our hands to apply ourselves on – yet if one doesn’t do this, one ends up compromising in one way or another not only oneself but others as well and that’s when a joint process of creation has to come to an end.

In this movie Split I found the relationship of the psychiatrist with the main character with dissociative identity disorder a main point for personal reflection, where in her attempt to help and consider this disorder as something that makes people superior, special and treating the patient in a very ‘positive-manner’ leads her to overlook the magnitude of the problem she’s dealing with. Her role represents an unconventional attempt to stand up for people with Kevin’s (main character) condition. And without spoiling anything here, let’s simply say that there are consequences for doing that, and I could relate to this as well in my personal experience.

The ‘split’ point I’m trying to get to here is where I am aware of the potential consequences that something or someone can create in their own lives and so in the lives of others, I am aware of something that is mostly regarded as ‘abnormal’ or ‘dangerous’ or ‘psychopathic’ behavior in people yet, I’ve tried to focus too much on the good, the potential, the best aspects of them, while at the same time condoning behaviors, thoughts and actions in others and within myself consequently that should not be regarded as ‘human nature’ or ‘normal emotions’ in our psyche, because in taking these things very lightly, consequences can ensue in various degrees that we can only regret when it’s too late.

I’ve learned over these years to learn about and understand our minds, the intertwining of it with the physical body, the level of multidimensionality that a particular personality trait can have and at the same time, the level of absolute discipline and dedication that correcting any patterns, habits or traits requires by an individual. Yet at the same time, the way that I’ve approached certain conditions in people is through gullibility, where I have underestimated the potential detrimental consequences that can be acted out by each one of us where we can allow ourselves to – in one split second  – act out on the worst of ourselves and not even be able to control these impulses and only realize ‘what has been done’ after one has acted out on those thoughts, emotions or feelings that lead us to these consequences, irreversible consequences that many of us have faced when saying or doing something that we end up regretting or feeling terribly bad about afterward, yet this doesn’t have to be the way to ‘live’ in this world, because we can learn to prevent it, to stop ourselves before ‘pulling the trigger’ and causing such consequential outflows – not nice, not pretty, yet sometimes this is the only way we can get to understand what we are doing o ourselves and so others, to see it face to face and walk through the consequences of it all.

The point here for me is being honest with myself and realize the reality of what a person having a particular condition, habits or tendencies entail in terms of long term relationships in whichever form they might be. Of course, one could say we are all having mental problems and I agree to a certain extent, it’s a default state in which we have allowed ourselves to exist. However there is also a process of acceptance and allowance in this – whether it is genetics or self-created in this lifetime – all consequences are entirely ours, whether they were created by us directly or past generations = still ourselves. Even though this is our current raw reality, we still have the ability to make a decision to support ourselves to cultivate the better aspect of ourselves and stop feeding what we know is consequential, detrimental, damaging or harmful for oneself and others.

In my case I have to also be more considerate of the level of consequences we can be facing in our current process of mind, being and body integration, to not deliberately want to see all human beings through the eyes of benevolence or potential only, because for that matter we all have potential. I have to remind myself that as much as I can see such potential, I also have to consider how far a point of consequence has already ‘taken over’ a person’s mind and life, and accept the fact that no matter how much I’d like to assist another to focus on that better aspect of themselves, the decision is entirely up to them and if this is not done, I also have to make sure that I do not ‘split’ myself in compromising my self-honesty and integrity.

I can instead only remind myself and others to realize the extent of damage, harm, abuse that can be created and inflicted in thought, word and deed. Here I am particularly learning the relevance of assisting others through what can be defined as ‘tough love’ as well, which is to let the others see through physical reality consequences what they have been accepting and allowing in their own minds – and this also goes for myself at the same time of course, where I have to realize there’s always a needed stop for us to wake up and so use those ‘shocking’ situations or consequences as crucial moments to make a clear decision in our lives: do we continue building and feeding the worst of us, the one that creates actual harm, abuse and self-disrespect to our living potential –  or do we use such shocking situation, such consequential outflow as a lesson to learn from and never repeat it again.

And yes, it is unfortunate, it can be a ‘sad’ thing to realize that one can see the best of oneself and others yet, we sabotage our potential by sticking to what feeds our egos, what feeds our multiple personalities that are only there to continue existing as a mind that thrives in and of friction and conflict, not in common sense. And I also have to remind myself that there are such points of ‘no return’ in some cases, and it’s part of what I have to make peace here with, that no matter how much I would want to stick to such potential  – what will always be our measuring point is physical reality where actions or inactions speak louder than words or potential outcomes, which is what I can learn as well for myself both in my personal life and as a person that at the same time assists many more to develop themselves to their utmost potential.

This is something that is a key subject to me and I’m glad I went to watch this movie because it demon-strates very well to what extent we can take ourselves in living out personalities and allow our mind to fully take over, to the point where the real being, the real potential is too ‘far out’ to reach out into the surface and how potentially dangerous this can be – of course it’s a movie, it is still fiction and is exaggerated in certain aspects – but still, if we take the example presented there and consider it in relation to our day to day experiences both within ourselves and with who we interact, we will more and more see the importance of ‘mental health’ as a primary point of importance in our human development, I have no doubt about it.

So to me, my ‘split’ to correct is compromising too much at times in wanting to be too much of a ‘good doer’ or ‘tolerant’ of certain things that may cause more consequence for myself and others –  removing my split personalities where I am determining my thoughts, words and deeds on expectations, on fears, on potentials, on what I ‘believe’ could be the outcome of something, instead of looking directly at physical reality and so seeing the reality that is being created by me and others.

It is also not impossible to find human beings that can transcend these conditions at a mind level, requires a living decision, a constant one, for a lifetime to nurture and give life to create and build the better of ourselves instead of the worst of ourselves. There’s always self-forgiveness to give ourselves a second chance, but there is also a point of enough is enough and when life is compromised for far too long, intervention is needed, for the best of all.

The outcome of having integrity, self-honesty and self-responsibility is precisely that, a creation where no matter what the outcome is, we can stand through it and own it, learn from it, grow with it – while at the same time remaining observant of the outcomes in physical reality so as to not create false or unreal expectations. This is how we can live integrity and self-support which creates sanity and preventing most of the sickness and problems we have already plagued our lives with –  and doing this by myself, makes me the person I can live with for the rest of my life.

The best way to prevent mental problems is through learning to work with our thoughts, emotions, feelings, fears, habits, relationships and all of this can be walked in self-support within the Desteni I Process, the proof is here as myself, don’t hesitate to ask or learn more about it, because it’s a life changing process, if one works on it as intended of course.

Thanks for reading and check out the movie, I recommend it

 

 

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509. Walking From the Past or Future, Into Self-Presence

Or how to stop projecting oneself in the past or into the future and instead walk out of that alternate reality into owning one’s physical reality

 

I watched Gian’s latest vlog on a particular process he walked where it is quite astounding how something that has been generally ‘common’ in our lives can cause such physical consequences and how he was able to also heal himself from it by living out an immediate process of self-correction.

I could relate a lot to what he shared in relation to the cause of his condition, which is about not living fully in the present but ‘walking in the past’ and so in his mind constantly going back to ‘the past’ and also projecting into the future and living in alternate realities recharging the emotional aspects held within such past moments, instead of fully embracing and accepting the reality that is here for him to live and ‘own’ in a way.

I can relate having done this many times, possibly not in the emotional way he described, but certainly in the sense of giving my breath and my presence into the mind entertaining images or ‘flashbacks’ and going into a ‘pondering’ mode of ‘what if I was there instead’? This would happen in places I had settled myself in for a ‘limited time’ or being generally ‘uncertain’ of my future there, I would constantly have flashbacks of what I had defined in my mind as a ‘preferred’ place to be at, and this would be a constant experience going on in my mind, where I wasn’t fully embracing, accepting, standing fully on my ground, my reality, my environment, the people around me but still I was indulging into the myriad of possibilities I could create in my mind like ‘who would I be with right now if I had not chosen to come here?’ ‘What would I be studying if I had not left to study here?’ and all of this would constantly come up during the most practical and physical moments in my reality, a distraction of sorts that I would give attention to unfortunately.

I never really questioned this in the sense of saying to myself  ‘Ok wait a minute, why am I constantly ‘dreaming of’ being somewhere else and projecting myself as in ‘who I would be’ if I was with other people, in a different place and situation than the one I currently am in?’ – I didn’t do that, and the reality is that I am not aware if I have had any physical consequence out of participating in this kind of ‘looking into the past and into the future’ instead of embracing my reality completely here. This was though some 7-8 years ago mostly – however, it has appeared lately again, wherein out of ‘nowhere’ I start having these flashbacks and considerations about a city that I left precisely because of finding it not supportive for me to live in – so, isn’t that contradictory?

At the same time I’ve noticed how in a very ingrained manner I have spent the past almost 7 years now in a way sort of perceiving my current situation as ‘temporary’, as if there’s something that’s going to happen and I won’t be here anymore, I have been in ‘waiting mode’ for many years now and I have caused to myself a point of stagnation at the same time, because I haven’t directed myself to ‘build roots’ so to speak, because of having this ‘plan’ in the back of my head of this being ‘a temporary place’ and me not going to stay here forever.

However, the point here is that instead of hoping or projecting myself somewhere else or living in a ‘waiting mode’ all the time, I have to make a directive decision about where I would like to establish myself and look at the potential and possibilities, practicality aspects and live out that decision.  This is a very ‘deep’ aspect though because I have lived mostly in a ‘normal way’ all of this time yet, I am also aware that I haven’t really settled where I am at, and the point that prevents it is the idea of ‘why building roots here if I won’t be here forever’?

That is quite a detrimental aspect of myself and I’m glad I got to see it clearly thanks to Gian’s sharing, because in a way I have been living with ‘one foot out of the door’ while the other half of myself has been living out ‘normally’ and ‘embracing’ my reality at a very superficial level, while there’s this constant background experience of ‘this is temporary’ and in doing so, I am not fully embracing and living my reality here – but instead living it as a form of ‘temporary step’ even almost in a ‘resignation’ mode as if I had no ability to choose or make directive decisions for my life.

In this, I don’t only have to consider what I would like but what is possible, feasible, doable and then direct myself to do it. But I do see how in any case, what I allow inside my mind as a retrospection or future projection in moments where I am supposed to be Here in my physical reality, completely in it/as it and walking through it, I have been indulging too much into ‘what was’ or ‘could have been’ or the ‘potential outcomes’ and in this, I am not living myself, I am living in alternate dimensions in my mind.

I enjoyed how Gian explained the solutions to this point that he walked where he decided to be in every space he’s at and ‘own’ it in a way, completely embracing and accepting the fact that he is ‘here’ in a particular environment, and making of his responsibilities ‘his’ completely, not ‘temporary’ or ‘in the meantime’ – he stopped living in the ‘waiting’ mode as I would call it and completely embraced the reality he was in.

Interestingly enough, I consider I haven’t yet fully lived that and it is one of those things I have to create, define and establish for myself. But the trick here for myself is to not go into expectation mode of ‘finding the place, the situation, the environment’ and so ‘waiting’ for it to somehow come into my life – nope.

The point is to let go of these past and future projections and instead completely embrace my present moment, my reality in living words that I can integrate as my self-presence, who I decide to be and live – instead of the ‘mind presence’ of past and future tense –remaining aware of whenever I am diving into a ‘thought’ of the past and ‘what once was’ or indulging into a remembrance of ‘how my life used to be’ to instead become aware that I am in fact repeating myself in the past and in that, I am not living Here, I am not growing here, I am not completely embracing my current reality and owning it, standing in it completely, not having ‘other places or other people’ in my mind. I have to focus on being truly here, breath by breath, moment by moment and at the same time being directive in who I am and what I do.  

That’s what I’ll practice and work on in order to walk my present, walk my ‘hereness’ so to speak and see how this will also support myself to not be in a ‘temporary-here’ mode, otherwise I could end up ‘living’ out the rest of my life in this ‘waiting mode’ or ‘temporary-here’ mode and miss out the actual process of self-creation and expansion.

If I am to make decisive changes, it’s up to me – and if I am not yet making them, then I have to embrace where I’m at currently and live the day to the best of my ability, owning my environment – not ‘for tomorrow,’ not going into ‘the past’ either, but fully embracing my life, my responsibilities, my self-creation here, no matter ‘where’ I am, I’m always here, in the physical, today – not yesterday, not in a tomorrow.

Thanks for reading.

 

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508. Let’s Stop Repeating Ourselves

Or how to stop repeating the worst of ourselves in the past in our current moment with self-awareness and self-honesty

 

One of the great things about learning to observe oneself in one’s mind and learning to be aware of the patterns, habits, tendencies, ways of ‘being’ that we develop throughout our lives is that in doing this along with the principle or starting point of bettering ourselves, of being able to change ‘our ways’ over time, we can stop recreating our problems, difficulties and generally non-supportive experiences of our past in our present and so our future.

For example, in my case what came up in me the moment I realized that I was again going to be facing what I had defined as ‘a difficult/tough time’ in my life based on how I have lived through the same or similar situation before, I allowed myself to initially go through this expectation and laying out before me in my mind, in the way of imagination, projecting all the same emotional experiences, all the sadness and sorrow and essentially my worst case scenario situation, repeating the exact same ‘bad time’ I had before with a consequence like this, but this time I did stop myself in that moment and said to myself “Wait a minute, It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way Again!”

And as simple as this intervention may have been in the moment, it opened my eyes to realize that this time I didn’t have to prepare myself to essentially repeat all the ‘bad times’ I have created for me before in similar situations. I realized my ability to change how I face this consequence this time around, I realized that the whole point of going through various situations in our lives is precisely to be able to learn from them and so be better prepared to face stuff in our lives the following times.

What I’ve done this time is process it better in the context of owning my creation, taking responsibility for what I can do, be and change for myself, which is part of what I’ve been sharing lately in these blogs. This is very relevant to consider because many times we actually end up justifying any emotional reactions based on the position we take in such situations that we usually impose or assign to ourselves based on memories, and in memories which is ‘who we are in our minds’ we definitely are not our ‘supportive self’ unless one actually creates memories of self-support, which would be a different story.

This is about becoming aware of how in the moment of facing tough times, consequences, a point of creation that went in an unexpected way, it’s important to keep our awareness clear not going into ‘bringing up memories’ or adopting ‘past ways’, making sure one is not adopting a position that we have played out in the past that led to an emotional reaction, led down the path of depression or generally being destructive – this is what’s dictated mostly by ourselves in our minds where upon facing such tough moments, we immediately tend to associate our Current Situation with a Similar Past Situation and then adopt the same reactions or stance as in the past – and in doing so, we actually condemn ourselves to repeat the same mistakes, the same outflows, the same emotional reactions with no change, like broken records.

That’s why it’s very important to not condition our Current Reality to the memories of how we ‘lived out’ a situation in the past but instead use this current reality as an opportunity to do things differently, an opportunity to break through the pattern of who one once was, to make a directive decision to not wallow in helplessness, hopelessness, depression or just ‘giving up’ but to stand in a supportive stance, one of introspection, self-reflection based on self-responsibility and self-honesty – which means, focused on oneself, not on ‘others’ and ‘what they did or didn’t do’ – but realizing that this is our chance, our moment and our opportunity to stand up for once and for all.

This is a simple reflection to share today, to not repeat ourselves in the present moment based on our – excuse the word –fucked up past experiences – but learn from them, grow from it, show to ourselves that we’ve in fact learned from our past and gotten better at facing consequences in our lives. This is satisfying to do, that despite the nature and process to walk through in a consequence, it still can be a fulfilling process for oneself, because we give ourselves the proof that we can in fact change and do things differently and so whatever comes, we can be clearer, wiser and stronger to face it.

Surely, I also have to be careful of not creating a ‘super human’ approach to it, because that would be like going into a ‘high’ and so it will invariably cause its polar opposite of a low – not about positive thinking as a solution either. It’s about a genuine sense of stability, of empowerment for a lack of better word where one can see that as much as it will be tough, challenging to face a point of abrupt change or consequences that one wasn’t expecting to go through, one can still go through it and learn from it, and expand and grow by taking responsibility for it, by developing self-honesty in it, and that’s very cool to say the least, it’s self-supportive.

As I shared before, sometimes we don’t realize how much we have been living in a very static status quo until we see the floor beneath us be shaken, it pushes us to reassess who we are, what we are creating, reassess our decisions and direction in life, so we can always make of these ‘raucous’ times the best for ourselves, to reaffirm what we want to create, how we want to stand through the face of consequences and let that define us, not our falls, not our mistakes, not our ‘wrong turns’ – and I’ve found that very, very supportive for myself, therefore sharing it here as well for anyone that may be finding themselves in a similar situation to this.

We always have the ability to stop the past within ourselves every moment in our present, by stopping the patterns that we know have never been supportive for ourselves in our lives, to finally step out of the fears, the un-supportive ideas that we’ve thought ourselves to ‘be like’ that one knows in self-honesty are not the best parts of ourselves, therefore why do we have to keep feeding it, accepting it and allowing it as ‘who we are’?

We have the ability to stand up and make a change, in the moment, in breathing and letting go of the past in one moment, in self-forgiving the emotions and experiences that emerge and instead decide to live a word, a supportive word that we can see assists us in establishing our ground, build our ground underneath our feet and get back on track.

 

Thanks for reading

 

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Artwork by: Damian Ledesma

 


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507. From V-Day to U-Day

 

I read the following quote by Sunette Spies today and I see it as a very important message for all of us to consider in days like today where Valentine’s day has been for many – including myself in the past – a cause of anger, sadness or despair for not being in a relationship, which is definitely not necessary since we all have the ability to redefine how these global-celebrations are lived by each one of us so, here’s her quote:

Yes, today is Valentine’s Day – the 14th of February – globally. I reflected on this day, even with being in a relationship. Looking at the symbolism of the letter V, inspiring me to do this post and also a video soon to come!!! The following opened up for me:

Transforming V to U – V-Day to U-Day. What does this mean?
Even if you are in a relationship – you are still an individual….This is something many forget, neglect, don’t consider or simply haven’t looked at. Being an individual means YOU as who you are as an individual person choose, and every day essentially chooses to share yourself, grow, commit, learn, enjoy, built, create etc. a relationship and / or life with another. In this process, it becomes 1 + 1 = 2: one individual + one individual = a relationship. A trinity is formed. Two INDIVIDUALS creating a relationship.

eVery day should be V-Day and / or U-Day!!! We redefine then the ONE Valentine’s Day we GLOBALLY SHARE as a GLOBAL CELEBRATION of oneself as individual and / or one’s relationship with one’s partner as I do know there is also family days, friends days etc. that are globally celebrated.
YOU CAN OWN VALENTINES DAY!!! In a way of defining and celebrating it for yourself as you see fit – rather than in any way being emotional, judgmental, allowing yourself to go into comparison of others etc.

My message to all this day is: OWN THIS DAY!!! Define and celebrate it in a way that SUPPORTS and EMPOWERS you as a person and how you live. In the end, what will matter the most is your integrity, love, care, consideration and regard as a person towards yourself and others…

MUCH more to come in videos soon to be posted! Enjoy yourself this day as much as any other day…you are ALWAYS WITH YOU!!!” – Sunette Spies

 

Based on this, I’d like to share on the importance of this self-relationship because many times we come to accept and allow the belief that our happiness depends on being with another in a relationship, and sometimes we might even get to live out that type of experiences only to in the end see that without the person, we are still with ourselves and no matter if we are in a relationship or not, what remains is self, here, that we continue to live as and with.

I know, it sounds almost ‘weird’ to say that the first relationship we should establish in self-agreement is with ourselves and that means precisely walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness, self honesty and self-support, having ourselves as our starting point, reason or motivation for it.

Through walking this process for myself, and over time and through the various relationships I’ve had with partners, friends, colleagues, one thing is certain: change and I have been there before in my life where ‘the end of a relationship’ would mean ‘the end of my world’ for some time and it was usually very hard to step back on my own two feet, precisely because I was not focusing on first creating a relationship with myself, in essence living for myself, appreciating me, enjoying me, supporting me first and foremost.

I had mostly lived out a pattern of ‘being there for another’ and through that ‘completing myself’ which is definitely not sustainable, it was not healthy for myself or for another because that’s how dependency is created in relationships. I learned this the hard way, but through walking the Agreements: Redefining Relationships Course while I was alone or without a partner in my life, it assisted me to ground myself in understanding how no matter if I was alone or in a relationship, the focus of support was still on myself. It assisted me to precisely understand what this Self-Relationship is and throughout the whole course I got to see how a relationship is in fact a sum of 2 people, not ‘me completing another’ or me being ‘fulfilled’ by another, I got to see how no relationship that is supportive can last when one is not existing in that self-agreement to support ourselves first.

And this is how the word agreement is used as a way to define relationships where one person in self-agreement, in their own self-relationship can walk with another in the same self-agreement and self-relationship to then stand together and create this agreement of two individuals, a redefined-relationship in fact.

In doing this, one is also better equipped for whichever outcome is in a relationship, no matter the hardships, obstacles, starting overs or break ups. For example, if the relationship ends, sure there is the whole process of having to part ways and get used to being alone again – however this is a much ‘smoother’ process as well when one has a cemented relationship with oneself in self-support and self-honesty, wherein in that self-support and self-agreement one has lived within a relationship, no matter if the other person is no longer there, what one does for oneself as self-support doesn’t change, what one has grown and learned from the relationship remains there as oneself, how one has assisted and supported oneself in practical terms in one’s life and at an emotional level doesn’t change if the other person is no longer there.

Of course there are changes in terms of activities done by both in a relationship and any other practical arrangements in day to day living, but those changes are also able to be faced with more stability, strength and determination when one has already realized that, as Sunette explains, no matter if one is in a relationship or not, we are always with ourselves and that is something that is very cool to understand in the depth that it implies, because then we don’t depend on something or someone else for us to develop ourselves, to grow as people, to change the ways that we know we have to adjust in ourselves, to develop a genuine care for our bodies, our mind and so our lives and plans in it. It is always up to us, regardless of being in a relationship or not.

It’s interesting how we’ve come to accept a notion of ‘void’ or ‘lack’ if one is not in a relationship and allowing it to be a part of self-definition that is usually seen as a ‘lesser value’ or ‘in the waiting for it’ – when the fact is that in doing so, we are suppressing or not looking at the relationship that is by far the most important one in our lives: with ourselves, because no matter ‘where’ we are or with ‘who’ we are, we are always with ourselves and it is ourselves that we will genuinely ‘be with’ for the rest of our lives, which is great as well to realize ‘no matter what’ I always got me, my support, my words to live and my life to continue expanding on.

So, I can wholeheartedly recommend assisting oneself through the Agreements Course, specially if you can identify with what I mentioned earlier as the ‘who I was’ previously in relationships where I would literally lose my ground whenever I had to end a relationship and I’ve found out that this doesn’t have to be that way, one can decide to not give into those patterns and instead strengthen and rekindle – if you will – the relationship to oneself, because it is quite liberating at the same time for oneself and for others to not make ourselves dependent on others to live in self-fulfillment, in self-enjoyment and self-support, wherein we can decide to look at life through the eyes of owning our creation, owning our time of the day every day.

Therefore it is up to us then to instead of going into reactions like sadness or fatalism for being or not being in a relationship ‘with another’, I’d rather say: focus on the relationship with yourself because it’s with you that You’ll live with for the rest of your life, it’s your body, your mind the one that you’ll have to ‘stand through’ and with until your last breath and if we haven’t given to ourselves that actual love, care, consideration, support and enjoyment of who we are as a person, as an individual, alone,  then how can we expect any other person to ‘give it to us’? That’s how love turns to hate which Is what I have explained in a previous blog if you want to check it out.

I suggest embracing yourself and realizing how we are not really ‘alone’ as we are always with ourselves – and at the same time it is also up to us to expand our definition of relationships to others in a supportive manner, expanding this self-agreement in our relationship with any other person is certainly a suggestion here as well, so that no matter ‘what’ goes on in our lives and paths, we always have our ourselves as our own ground, our starting point of self-support, our own self-care and self-love, and in turn be able to give it to others as a genuine expression of ourselves, not as a ‘need’ or ‘lack’ or ‘convenience’ of sorts.

That’s definitely the kind of human beings I’d like us all to be, to be able to stand alone and be self-caring, self-fulfilled individuals that can join paths to create something of support together for ourselves and for others  – yet can function as units or ‘stand alones’ in an equally supportive manner. That’s the real equality equation of 1+1=2 and that’s what I want to continue practicing being and standing as in my life and with others in my life.

Thanks for reading,

Enjoy

 

Artwork001 color 2

 

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506. From Despair to a Constructive Aftermath

 

 The aftermath here is the time after one has faced a particular outcome that wasn’t expected or preferred in relation to something that we were investing ourselves to create. That can be a particular project that doesn’t gain as much traction as expected, a job that we get fired from, a relationship that didn’t work out, a health problem that limits our abilities in certain ways, the death of a loved one… all of those situations that are part of our lives are the ones that we usually tend to get more ‘stung’ by in the sense of feeling discouraged and beaten down from what is seen or perceived as a failure, as a loss, as a ‘having to start over’ moment, as something that we invested on so much of ourselves but simply didn’t add up to the expected result.

It is quite common to feel defeated, to go into thoughts of considering that we’ve wasted our money, time and effort, that it all was ‘for nothing’ and then starting to close down to the consideration of trying it out again, of starting over a business, starting a new project or finding new ways to support ourselves physically on the face of illness or disease. We usually tend to see these unfavorable outcomes as a really bad thing to happen to us, but one thing that I’ve found most supportive is to recognize and – as I’ve been sharing lately – ‘own our creation’ all the way from beginning to end.

This has assisted me to be able to stand up and through the whole unraveling of a particularly ‘unfavorable outcome’ and learning to see it with the eyes of ‘I created this, I can learn from what didn’t work out, I can stand up again and create myself again, not give up on myself’

The experience of ‘giving up’ seems to be a ‘default tantrumy setting’ for ourselves in these situations, wherein let’s say we don’t get a desired outcome from a business venture and one can go into the extremes of saying ‘Ah, I’ll never again open my own business again, I’m done!’ or if one fails with a particular project, one tends to go into ideas of ‘I should not have even done that, what a waste of time, I’m never going to do such a thing again, such a failure!’ and in terms of relationships failing or having to part ways, one can go into thoughts like ‘I knew I should have never stepped into that relationship, I knew it was going to be a problem, I’m never going to go into a relationship again’ and we tend to be pessimistic within it all which I have also had a tendency before to do, which is why here today I share how this is not how it has to be.

The aftermath of these situations is actually a key moment for self-reflection, to first of lay out for ourselves our creation, see in self-honesty who we have been throughout the whole creation of the relationship, project, venture etc. then write out and self-forgive the judgments, the blame, the sense of ‘giving up’ on oneself in that particular aspect of our lives – or sometimes even wanting to give up on life entirely – because in those usually tough moments we tend to see everything through a thick fog of ‘lostness’ and ‘confusion’ and ‘despair’ and that’s precisely, right there, where that potential of ourselves as that willingness to stand up and take responsibility has to emerge. It won’t be an ‘automatic’ thing to happen either, it takes an actual decision to not go into emotional victimization to whatever went wrong or bad in our lives and first own our creation: I did this, I created this, I participated in it from beginning to end, therefore I assume the consequences/outcome of it.

Now here one thing that has assisted me a lot is to focus on what I’ve learned from the ‘failure’/mistake/problem/outcome’ and focus on what my participation throughout It all was. Sometimes things are entirely moved and created by ourselves, but some other times we have to work in teams to create something. If that’s so, blaming another for something not working out will only lead us down the path of seeing others as the problem, instead of focusing on ourselves. This is where the equilibrium comes wherein upon me recognizing, admitting and owning my creation, my part in the situation, I can at the same time then assist others to look at it as well within that same starting point, without any hidden agendas like an attempt to blame or accuse, because in that moment I understand the importance of sticking to seeing ‘my responsibility’ and my participation – or the lack thereof – in something that I had invested myself to create or get to work in along with others whose participation also counts in it, and so seeing the conjoined creation as a sum of individuals’ responsibility.

This makes the whole aftermath process easier because I can then review all of my decisions in the creation that I ended up ‘failing’ at and stand with each one of them, understanding how in the moment that I made them I trusted myself, I gave it my all, I can be clear that I did push to change things within me to make it all more effective, I know where I wasn’t giving it my 100%, I can clearly see where and how I compromised myself, what I could have changed but didn’t get to it and the ways in which I also did assist others to do the same as part of the team or project. 

This is how even when the outcome is unfavorable or unexpected, one can stand in one’s two feet and stand with one’s creation: with what one did – or didn’t do – what one pushed to change and do – or didn’t change or do – what one invested on time, effort, money on – or where it all lacked – and so make of this whole ‘failure’ situation a time for a personal review where we can see where our weaknesses existed and take note of them so that one can work through it. And at the same time also acknowledging where we got to strengthen ourselves, to expand, to learn new things about ourselves and others, which regardless of the outcome of things, will always be there in any creation process, alone or with others.

Therefore, a strong suggestion is to not allow oneself to go down misery lane upon facing a particular outcome, a problem, point of failure, bankruptcy, relationship breakup, health problem, loss of a loved one or anything that we might perceive in our lives as a ‘failure’, a loss or an obstacle – these are moments where we can open up in self-reflection, looking back at who we have been and learn from it, also to be able to stand with our creation, owning our deeds and their outcomes.

Here then why I’ve been placing ‘failure’ with these quotes is because this is a loaded word where we usually can experience it as a complete ‘drain’ of all of our life force and feel like we won’t ever get back up again from it – but if we learn to see a failure as one shot, one opportunity, one way, one path that we walked through with all of our being and intent to make it work, and regardless of it all we still discover that we’re not leading ourselves to the outcome we wanted to create for ourselves, then that’s where it’s best to stop going any further, go back to the drawing board and create another way.

Sometimes I’ve seen how specially in relationships, we tend to want to keep walking the same path out of fear losing the person in the relationship or fearing the outcomes from separating from another, but we only know that if over time we have tested something out sufficiently and still we’re seeing the same problems emerge, it’s best to not prolong the ‘testing time’ and rather start focusing on changing paths and learning from what didn’t work out on both parties. This I’ve found is more honorable as well, where we don’t keep walking a lie, where we have the courage to stop a point of deception for oneself and for another and everyone else involved in it, because that’s how we also prevent further consequences and at the same time shorten the time to face our creation, instead of doing so further down the road where more people, more time, more resources have been invested into something.

Here I also have learned from Bernard Poolman, a mentor and friend to myself, how no matter how many times his business failed and had to go through the whole point of ‘losing it all’, he kept at it, eventually succeeding in what he wanted to create. This perseverance, this continuity and dedication to creating something – along with the responsibility it entails – is definitely something I can learn from and integrate into my life so that I know, no matter how ‘bad’ things get in our lives, in our projects or relationships, no matter how ‘bleak’ the outcome may seem, one can still decide to stand up from the failure, the loss, the ‘breakup’ and learn from it, get back on one’s own two feet to then start planning the next step in our creation, mostly being wiser, if we learn well from our mistakes, mostly stronger – if we realize that what we feared facing and eventually ended up having to face didn’t ‘kill us’ but in fact wasn’t as bad as we thought it was going to be.

This is the kind of self-trust that we always have and can stand as in our lives in difficult moments or situations where we feel it as “the end of our world”, but it’s not so if we decide to not give into all the depression and emotional aftermath and instead create a constructive aftermath, a time for personal reflection, self-forgiveness, self-introspection to see what we did or didn’t do and so, start paving the way to get back on our own two feet and continue walking the same path or a new path, it’s up to us, we decide, we are our creators.

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested support from Eqafe.com

 

Artwork016


505. Why Do We Hate?

Or understanding hate as a way to avoid looking at how we created expectations towards others being or doing that which we desired/wanted for ourselves.

This has been a question that I consider we have all had in our lives at some point and unfortunately like many other ‘darker’ aspects of our minds, we fear investigating ‘who we are’ as hate, instead of seeing that in the first place, it’s not really about ‘hating others’- it is an accumulation of negative reactions that we are projecting towards others that are based on an initial positive experience and expectation that we created towards something or someone. This way love and hate are in fact existing as these relationships that we hold through positive and negative experiences, leading us to eventually have to ‘burst the bubbles’ of the perceived positive in order to reveal behind it all, what is it that we have in fact been projecting towards another as an expectation of what we would like/love them to be and do for us.

“One cannot continue with an illusion like this in relationships, how are we ever going to learn how to be ourselves, to stand on our own two feet, to be individuals, to be independent, if throughout existence all we do is expecting everything and everyone else to be something for us when we’re not even willing to be it for ourselves, I mean how can we even expect it or demand it, or depend on it from someone else if we don’t really in fact know what it really I fact means to be all of those things, that we’re wanting others to be it for us. “Atlanteans # 80, Eqafe.com

 

This quote from an audio about love and hate in relationships very much stuck with me because it assisted me when it got published some years ago, to understand why it is so easy to go from ‘love’ to ‘hate’ or any other negative experiences specifically within a relationship – be it with family, friendship or partnership. And I’ve also had a few people ask this same question to me lately, where we seem to get ‘puzzled’ over the realization that we are experiencing hate, anger or any other ‘negative’ reaction towards people that we had a generally positive relationship with initially.

 

What  I learned from this interview/audio is that in order for ‘hate’ to exist, we first had to create an expectation, a positive ideal about another in a relationship where we hoped that all of what we have defined as ‘good’, ‘desirable’ or ‘positive aspects’ that we wanted them to be, would become a constant reality of themselves and therefore in the relationship with ourselves/with us.

 

And what happens when we see our expectations ‘fail’, that’s where the shift from ‘loving’ all those positive/good experiences comes back to its opposite, which is ‘hate’ or any other negative reactions where one shifts the point of responsibility towards others as ‘blame’ and ‘hatred’ based on not seeing these positive-experiences fulfilled within ourselves, instead of actually seeing the point of self-responsibility that opens up for us to look at, which is to in fact first see what kind of ideas, expectations and ‘best scenarios’ we created in our minds and projected towards another, waiting and hoping that they would ‘change for us’ or ‘become the best for themselves and therefore for us’ wherein, the moment that this proves to be an ‘unfulfilled expectation’, we believe that ‘the other person is letting us down’ or is ‘betraying us’ but in reality, who created the initial positive-idealism towards the potential change of another person? We did, and therefore throughout our ‘usual reactions’ that we’ve accepted and allowed as ‘human nature’ in this kind of situations, we’ve come to see hate as something valid towards another. But I’ve learned that it is not so, because it is an experience that Is being projected onto another, and at the same time I’d dare to say it is mostly representing the anger towards oneself for having indulged into expectations of others to be able to change, which is therefore where we usually don’t want to acknowledge that we did this to ourselves = we created the positive expectation in our minds, wanting ‘others’ to  be all of that ‘good’ for us where as the quote says, we are wanting others to be for us what we haven’t yet been and done for ourselves – and when reality proves this is not so, it’s not ‘real’ then, we hit the wall and create negative reactions to it.

 

This is also very common towards parents where as children we create ideas of what kind of ‘good parents’ we’d like to have and when our expectations are not met, we end up hating them based on not being able to fulfill those positive things we had expected our parents to be or do for us. Of course as children it’s more difficult to take responsibility for this, but as adults it becomes one of those things where we have to acknowledge our collective responsibility in how we have allowed ‘parenting’ to be done and practiced for such a long time, where we all have our stories to tell on how we can see the flaws in it, but we haven’t yet dared to stand up and own the consequences to take responsibility for that which we have hated or blamed our parents for, because it then doesn’t reflect ‘them’ but ourselves in not wanting to be the change for ourselves, to live for ourselves that which we hold a grudge towards our parents for not doing/being for us. And that’s no longer acceptable.

 

Hate is genuinely another tantrum, another way to justify self-pity, anger, disempowerment, victimization where we are not realizing our first and most important point of self-responsibility, which is that of first being willing to look at all things that we have attached a positive experience towards, which we’ve turned into expectations, beliefs, desires that we have projected onto something or someone and maintaining a positive relationship to all of that as an illusion, then eventually has to hit the ground to see the truth of it all, as anything else that must come back down to earth after flying ‘high’ on positive feelings or expectations.

 

In this case, the best thing to do is to self-forgive all the positive expectations and experiences we had projected towards another, to realize and take responsibility for the fact that we were expecting another to do something that they had not even decided to do for themselves in the first place, but that existed as a hope – therefore when we get to see ‘the proof’ where those expectations are not being met and seeing that ‘another has not in fact been that/done that ‘for me’’ we believe that we have the right to hate them. Really?

 

No, there’s no right to it because we can’t ever change another and hatred means only venting out emotional reactions as all the negative experiences that were held at the same time by their polarity points of all the positive experiences that we had projected and expected others to be or create for us… so who in fact is enslaving ‘who’ in these expectations?

 

This also points out how the solution to hatred is not ‘love’ either, because love as it is currently mainly understood stands as the polarity of hatred, as ‘all the good stuff’ that we haven’t questioned ourselves in the first place why is it that we have to live within a polarity of positive and negative in which we trap ourselves in good and bad experiences, while there is in fact a way to live outside of this polarity, and live life according to self-responsibility, self-honesty, common sense and self-creation.

 

The solution is to understand, write out and self-forgive all of those positive expectations we built around another/others, all the positive ideas and hope we projected upon others and so take responsibility for having allowed ourselves to expect others to change for us, to be ‘the ideal’ that we have created in our own minds, even if one wants to justify it as ‘best for all’ for the other person as well, as long as one sees oneself ‘wanting to change, save’ another, we are in fact compromising ourselves, preparing our path to face the love-hate dynamic and at the same time we don’t even realize how in this kind of relationships and expectations, we prevent the other person from truly deciding to change and live in a supportive manner for and as themselves, not for a relationship, not for a family member or a friend.

 

I’ve been in this outflow and outcome many times in my life and as much as I have wanted to justify ‘my experience’ I cannot deny self-honesty and my point of responsibility and self-creation in these positive experiences and expectations imposed towards another, therefore it is essential for me to realize that I am always the origin, cause and creation of myself as this expectation I projected towards another – same projection or expectation that I now have to bring back to myself so that I can genuinely stand as an individual that does not become dependent on another to change, does not condition our process of self-honesty based on an ideal in my  mind to fulfill by others, even if it’s ‘best’ for others, we cannot ever make that decision and live that process of change for another and that’s actually a principle that I’ve known in theory for so long, yet one can still fall for a moment in it and be blinded by the ‘good experiences’ and neglecting to look at the reality behind it, which is always there in the background, I assure you, it takes courage to recognize the truth and reality behind all the seemingly good experiences.

 

Ultimately this brings me back to seeing that it’s not about ‘others’ that we go into love or hate, but it’s always about ourselves and what we imprint as experiences, expectations, desires, wants, needs towards others and how then we trap ourselves when seeing that it didn’t come through in reality, because we cannot ever stand in the life of another to change them or to be those changes ‘for them’ either, and this is why this process is the ultimate individual self-realization, because no matter how much ‘good’ we would like to do onto others, it’s ultimately up to each one to create themselves/ourselves and I would not want it any other way really, otherwise it would be again very consequential to enslave each other based on becoming ‘each other’s crutch for change’ and expecting another to leave the crutch and stand alone, but the reality does boil down to seeing how if we are not willing to be the best version of ourselves for ourselves, individually, we cannot ever be that for another in a relationship – whether it’s family, friends, partnership, colleagues – and this world is built in relationships.

 

I’ve shared many times before how the same happens with hating presidents or politicians and how it only reveals how many ‘good expectations’ we have projected onto others, to be and act in the best way possible ‘for us’ and in that, creating this righteousness experience if they ‘dare’ to not live up to our expectations, but… who created those expectations in the first place? We did, and so we have to realize our responsibility in creating all of the outcomes that we usually Love to Blame others for, yet, we haven’t even looked at why in the first place have we allowed ourselves to polarize our relationship to things and people in this world within a positive and a negative in which we ‘bounce’ from one pole to the other…

There’s no doubt to me that there is so much to learn from our reactions and how they all always can indicate and assist us to see something that we are not wanting to face, to acknowledge and change within ourselves to begin with.

 

That’s how hate is no different to blame and dodging one’s responsibility to our creation, our expectations, our desires that we are seeking to be fulfilled ‘by others’ in our lives – definitely time to take responsibility for ourselves in its totality and as the audio says, be able to be all of that for ourselves  first instead of expecting others to be that for us.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Recommended audio-support to understand Hate and learn to Self Forgive it:

And!

 

Darla 06

 

Join us in our process of Self-Responsibility as LIFE


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