Category Archives: boss

310. The Illusion of Power – Self Forgiveness

   “The world is in reverse means that when you do good, bad happens and when you do bad, good happens. Therefore the humans willing to do bad things in self interest are rich with all the power  and the humans willing to do good things for the betterment of others are poor with no power. No correction of this ever takes place as is shown through history. Those in power even rewrite history to fit their version of the mirror of reality. Thus – to bring about change, make sure you do not get trapped in the inaction of hope and faith, as that is the way of the good and will bring only bad. Those that act on the nature of the physical reality do so to control it for their own self interest and the evidence is in every facet of this world system as it exist.” – Bernard Poolman

 

Continuing from:

 

Problem                                                                       

Self Forgiveness is the action with which you take self responsibility for creation and empower yourself to change it to what is best for all life.” – Bernard Poolman

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and become the wordpower’ as the ability to affect, control and influence people’s behavior and self-experience which implies a definitive violation of the equality principle which implies no harm and no abuse toward self and others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to legitimate the ability to abuse others through the word ‘power’ wherein such power is held by authorities that I’ve voted for, that I have accepted as  ‘the way the power structure works’ at a system level, without questioning why such imposition of power has been more detrimental than supportive to in fact implement living conditions that are best for all, but instead have used such position to abuse, harm, extort and benefit from the money, the real power that is of the people and that should have always been by the people.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my self responsibility by voting for a certain ‘power’ to take the executive and legislative powers in our society, wherein I then accepted to become ‘less than’ people in power and begun fearing ‘the power’ that I endowed them with, which makes so sense however, this is currently the power that is being feared in order to generate a new political and economical system wherein power can be equally distributed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge the word ‘Power’ as evil and unjust, without realizing that I am the only one that has created such meaning by virtue of giving my own power away to a few people in politics in order to decide for me, which is the system that we have created as a way to abdicate our direct responsibility toward every single aspect of our reality that we should have always been determined to be responsible for, therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to consider the word Power as abusive just because I have always delegated my own power to ‘authorities’ instead of learning how to become such authority myself and empower myself as an equal participant within this current system.

 

I realize that I have only judged the word based on  the meaning that we have collectively created of it as an authority to control the majority, without realizing that we have all collectively agreed to create such governmental/ authoritarian entities as a result of our inability to govern ourselves effectively.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the word ‘Power’ as the experience of control, domination and ability to abuse without having to respond/ be responsible for it, but use the same power to protect myself against the laws that supposedly stand as a protection and guarantee of people’s rights, however, I realize that this is not functioning in such a way because power is currently a synonym of money, and money buys laws and policies to benefit those that have the power to perpetuate it, which implies that by me accepting Money as the Power to Abuse, I accept the current economic system as the disparity that it is and has become.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to recognize structures of power as ‘legal’ and as ‘normal,’ wherein I have conditioned myself to always have someone ‘above’ myself as an authority and see others as inferior in the social-stratification based on the amount of money we have, the type of ‘duties’ we have wherein we don’t consider each other as equals but have become used to define ourselves according to our ‘power of acquisition’ and ‘political power’ in society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the hierarchy of society and the division of powers as legitimate just because it has ‘always been this way,’ and in this accepting monarchs, royals, presidents,  wealthy people as a ‘normal living standard’ the same as poor people, homeless people, outlaws and criminals which are the direct result of this same structure of power, wherein the hierarchical level implies the ability to abuse those ‘below’ you.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed the use of a word as ‘Power’ as a legitimate action to perpetuate control over others, to have the ability to do onto others something against their will and use this structure of power as away to impose it. I realize that the nature of power resides within the human mind that seeks to control, dominate and create the experience of ‘empowerment’ through exerting this form of control toward others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the experience of ‘empowerment’ as addictive, wherein the ability to have more than others and have power over others has become a ‘way of living’ wherein experience dictates the actions and decisions, instead of considering at all times the equal and one physicality that we all are, wherein power is only a mind experience that is abusive in nature and as an energetic experience, it is a definitive form of abuse not only toward myself but toward others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constrain, invalidate and violate another’s rights to live in dignity and with sufficient support through the acceptance and allowance of Power Structure wherein money as the representation of ‘power of acquisition’ is not readily given to every being equally, where by me accepting money as power is accepting it to be above others, which places them in a position of need and scarcity which is the used as a way to coerce them  to  obtain such power through slave labor by deliberately limiting their ability to have equal access to what they require to eat and live, which means that Money as the entity of power has been accepted by all of us as a ‘natural selection’ type of weapon wherein we justify with all types of excuses and speeches the existence of poverty and criminals in society, without ever questioning ourselves why such people weren’t equally supported to begin with, which is the direct result of accepting our current power structure as a political regulation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed power to be an apparent ‘complex social setting’ wherein this social apparatus determines the lives of the population based on decisions that are currently influenced by money as an ends in itself and not a means to provide and support all people equally. I realize that the struggle between people is determined by these power structures that we have all legitimated by accepting money as real, by accepting our government as legal and as such we have complied to all forms of abuse that we have endowed money with as a power to influence, control, and get from others what we want, because we have made of money the condition to be able to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to squander my ability to influence life in a supportive manner, wherein I simply then abdicated my responsibility to a power system wherein my own interests were violated, without realizing how I created and propitiated such violation by me first not being able to be self responsible as an individual human being as part of society, because of always having only looked after my individual interests.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use power as a means to defend myself, to guard my self interest and justify it with free will and free choice, which is nothing else but the ability to abuse something or someone for my own benefit and enjoyment. I realize that power in itself is an energetic experience of the mind that can be addictive, getting to the point of being ‘infatuated with power’ wherein the greedy seek more money, the powerful seek to control further and the tyrant buy more weapons.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in ‘power plays’ in my living reality by the perception of myself having more power or less power than others, I recognize that power exists as myself, as a  physical being of flesh and bones as life that is able to be self directed and never again controlled by others by me abdicating my right to life ever again.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that power is an imposition of the mind upon the physical, which means that it can’t be lived within its current definition of  imposition and control over others, it can only exist as an equal and one recognition of each other’s power as a living organism within this ecosystem.

 

More on Power:

 

 

Solution                                                                      

“The question now would be: why are  you not unconditionally forgiving yourself for what you have allowed as your life and the life of all to empower you to stand no matter what till there is no past for any being in existence     – Bernard Poolman 

  I commit myself to redefine power as the Breath of Life which means I recognize the physical a the one and only power, as life wherein through recognizing this power as myself, as life, I then focus on enabling each other’s life in equality, which means creating a system wherein the physical lives of human beings is able to be supported and assisted the same way that we are unconditionally assisted by our physical body to exist in every breath.

 

I commit myself to establish the Equal distribution of power as life wherein money can stand as the right to be supported and as a responsibility in itself to be made sustainable by our own work and participation.

 

I commit myself to educate myself and others in order to understand how unless we stand as an example of what a living human being in Equality lives like, we are not worthy of life and not trustworthy with it either, because as long as self interest exists, power as a form of abuse exists. Thus it is our responsibility to ensure that all parents are educated to be a living example that can support and assist life as their children to come. This is the new foundation of society on Earth.

 

I commit myself to point out the abuse of power by recognizing it within myself first, Self Forgiving it and then generating the necessary alignments and corrections to redirect such abuse toward self-supportive means that benefit the majority.

 

I commit myself to reinstate the actual power of of the people by me recognizing the equal and one power that I exist as by virtue of existing as a physical body along with all bodies of existence in Equality, wherein the real Democracy is not a flimsy vote for fixed options, but an actual recognition of each other’s rights and responsibilities which is the key to dissolve the current Power structure that we have all subjugated ourselves to.

 

I commit myself to not allow myself to deem another as more or less than myself, as I realize that this single perception is what perpetuates the current power-structure in our reality.

 

I commit myself to redefine and live Power as the ability to direct ourselves as self-responsible beings that consider at all times what’s best for all, wherein our power is summed as 1+1 as equals, wherein never again another can deny or ignore another’s right to live in a dignify manner, nor will anyone will be able to abuse another in means of power since there will be no structure that recognizes such hierarchical levels ever again in our reality.

 

I commit myself to treat the delusion of power as a mental disease that causes most of the current problems in our social, political and economic system wherein people that are addicted to power cannot see the common sense of supporting all bodies of existence in Equality, thus it is a clear mental problem that must be treated in the individual before any reinsertion in society takes place.

 

Further support:

 

Rewards                                 

Recognizing each other’s power in Equality will result in a society that does not ever require a government to be imposing a minority’s self interest since we will know and understand how to consider and care for each other as equals. This will give way to an actual Power of the People that won’t require a sovereign to remind ourselves that life is the only real power in existence.

“The physical exist without ego and self interest in its form as substance. Mind power is Ego Power. Love can only exist as real in a reality of actual consequence that test the love in space time to show whether it produce practically what is best for all.”
 
“Free choice, you will see in Self Honest Self Reflection, is always ego that is spiteful and deliberate in self interest and that manipulates with power play in spite of knowing what is best for all to purely sabotage anything that may threaten the ego. Whenever someone defends their point of view with free choice: know that it is just ego. Benevolent, strong people will always choose what is best for all”  – Bernard Poolman “

 

Further support:

  • 237. Living IntelliSense as Life in Equality

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

 

Print(Adaptation and appropriation of original artwork by unknown source) 

 

Blogs:

 

Watch:

 

Vlog:

2012 The Power of Equality – Equal Money System –
2012 We Have the Power to Decide: Equal Money System –

 

Interviews:

 

 


272. Venerating The Money-God

 

Continuing from: 271. Sacred Art: the Key to Understanding Reality

Also Read: 203. The Acceptance of Heaven is the Allowance of Hell

 

So, we find that the representations used to venerate gods/ the divine were meant to ‘educate’/imprint/reinforce within human beings this sense of being lost and seeking to be ‘found’ and ‘happy again.’ You are born sin, some guy died because of your sins, you have to punch your chest recognizing that it’s been ‘my fault, my fault, my great fault’ and then pray to some god, angels, archangels and saints to save us from ‘falling’ into the pits of our temptations, which is everything that has been tainted with being bad, wrong, spoiled, which also includes that which generates Life on Earth, such as sex and sexuality, such profanity from ourselves yet we never questioned this and as such, morality was born.

 

If we have a look at what sacred art represents is quite a form of ultimate abuse and control which is using the Earth’s materials to be worked by and through one human being to create a final product that will serve for purposes of enslavement. I cannot see a difference between this same process and virtually all that we have constructed/ built in our society that is currently serving No purpose other than continuing the mystification of the human race within these ‘godly’ self-beliefs of evolution/progress/betterment and investing in such ‘godly tasks’ while there’s still people dying from preventive diseases, starving to death and having no proper education given in equality in order to be able to ‘equally make it’ in this holy-crusade that we’ve called Life. That’s our god of progress, yet we’re all quite happy with the way it turned out ‘for us’ because we have had no idea of what it is to really be ‘forgotten’ in this world system.

 

In terms of this sacred art, it is no different to the images/pictures/sounds used for massive purposes of propaganda through the best PR campaigns to direct the population to buy/consume something and as such, keep the entire system in place. Back then there was no media or radio or anything like ‘mass media’ that exists now- yet, there were churches and people that spent their lifetimes ‘converting’ people, which here in Mexico it meant stopping venerating several gods of natural forces and start believing in Jesus, the bible, the saints and seeking to be ‘benevolent’ at all cost. So it meant a shift from a functional form of enslavement to these natural-forces as gods to a monotheism that became the most profound form of indoctrination in our culture: you are only a servant to god, you are a sinner, you deserve nothing, you must suffer to reach any godhood. And for that, you have to now ‘Elevate’ yourself through believing in god, going to church, giving your money to the church, feeling constantly guilty for your sins, feeling like you always NEED to feel good, to be ‘closer to god’ and do whatever it takes to make a higher score in your reputation with god as this ‘omnipresent’ authority-figure that we all learned to fear.

 

What’s more fascinating is that this is precisely how the Quantum Mind operates: everything that was created as a constant form of secret mind is all the negative, bad, evil, dark, nasty and the usual catholic indoctrination means that one has to ‘feel bad’ about that, feel guilty, you are a nasty piece of flesh if you dare to go without confessing your dark deeds to another man that was supposed to absolve you from your sins in god’s name. Well, what happens at a quantum mind level is that we would thus only seek to be ‘Positive’ all the time and experience the ‘glory of god’ in our earthly lives, which means: hide everything that seems negative, seek the light! seek the positive! without Ever having understood what the hell does ‘being positive’ in fact meat, which is certainly Not an actual best for all state of being for ourselves as our physical body and establishing proper relationships with ourselves and each other – but instead it meant the Most Energy for the Mind/ Consciousness, which implies that we have only really been venerating one real god: energy/ consciousness, wherein we have believed that all the love, light, peace and joy are ‘natural’ experiences and our ‘utmost desire’ to fulfill on Earth – but, again, who taught us that such ‘well being’ is an energetic flickering experience that we have to Buy/ Consume and attain Happiness/Joy/Bliss no matter what – why do we have to BUY our happiness and well being?

All of this exists in a massive ignorance toward how the mind operates that, as we have explained before, to generate any sense of ‘positive experience’ it has to consume the flesh/physicality in order to transform it into energy that we then call ‘positive experiences’ – For this please educate yourself with the following interview:

Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 26

 

The religious construct implies: you are separated from god – But what is ‘god’ anyways? Well, if we can give god a proper signifier it is the physical, life in itself as a whole – thus, one of the ways in which we have separated ourselves from our own piece of god as the physical body that we are is through the Mind, because the mind is a system that can only exist if enough energy as the result of a relationship of friction and conflict within ourselves is generated in order to create these either positive or negative experiences that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as ‘who we are’ as ‘our personality’ as our ‘identity.’  So all of these suffering images were meant to remind us all the time: suffer, be sad, repent! you are born in sin, you are flawed, you are not worthy unless you climb the ladder of success to get to god/the most money in the world and as such, you’ll be holy and deserving the heavens. But, no one explained how such ‘glory’ as the heavens/ the most money in the world was created: both systems implied the resourcing of the physicality transformed into energy to power up the ‘Heaven’ existence – that is no longer existent and for that read the Desteni Materialand the Money System as well wherein those at the ‘top of the pyramid’ and even in a figurative way ‘closer to god/ the heavens/ above the Earth’ are able to be in such positions due to the abuse that is imposed onto the rest/ base of the pyramid in order to make More than others and claim divinity and having a ‘fortunate position’ while deliberately neglecting how those below are actually ‘living’ and how they have been the forgotten ones by some god to have equal-support and opportunity as those that get to be at the very top.

 

Now, when looking at sacred art which was mostly made for and in the houses of the elites and the ecclesiastic circles/ churches, one gets to see this imposition of ‘divinity’ and ‘power’ through majestic constructions with lots of gold and magnificent paintings that are revered till this day. For that, you can hear  The Soul of Money – Part 26 for further context of how this operates.

It is quite an abuse to use actual creative forces to forge, sculpt, paint and manifest some of the most atrocious artifacts with which billions have been enslaved to through such items/products becoming a representation of the belief systems we have all followed – there’s still billions venerating images, crucifixes and all forms of relics associated with some form of ‘divine symbols’ that one is then protected by, or given ‘good omens’ with or signifying some form of specialness – all kinds of delirium that is able to be created/ constructed in order to maintain this hierarchical separation from ourselves as god/ life existent equal and one in everything and everyone.

 

I see this is why a movie like Stigmata became such a fascination to me because the message was clear with the Gospel of Thomas there “Jesus said… the Kingdom of God is inside you, and all around you, not in mansions of wood and stone. Split a piece of wood… and I am there, lift a stone… and you will find me.” However, as explained yesterday, Jesus was not god, Jesus simply saw within himself and everyone else that sameness as Life, hence such Equality could be found Everywhere and as such, this statement would debunk the entire institutionalization of god made religion, made ‘followers’ and a set of dogmas that one would have to somehow be controlled by, which is the entire plot of  Stigmata where the Vatican is presented as keeping all of these secrets in order to not lose control of the faithfully deceived.

 

If we see a parallel within the Money System currently, the same process is going on: one is not supposed to question the existence of Money – how it is created, who decides what is worth what amount of money, what are the laws that decide and govern how money moves in this physical reality, and the ‘representatives of god’ as money in this reality are the bankers and governmental institutions that have the ‘divine power’ to create money out of thin air and decide to do whatever will benefit them the most with it. We’re then left with a few economists – a parallel to the theologians  – that are supposed to ‘make sense’ of the economy only, and I say theologians and economists are similar because none of them have any actual ‘say’ to change how the power is forged/constituted/configured within this reality, one can only ‘study it’ within its defined/given context and that’s it, hence no change has emerged in this reality. To read more about how this is in the process of being changed to an actual revolution, read an Economist’s Journey To Life.

 

It is still fascinating to me to see people appeasing and kneeling at the sight of these artifacts, crying in front of these clay representations of virgins, saints and any other ‘doll-like’ figure that could represent that character from that passage that they thought was ‘divine’ in nature – and that certainly always lead to seeking this ‘divinity’ within ourselves, learned to curse and deny and conceal all the negative and as such, keep walking to ‘create’ the kingdom of God/Money the ‘Positive’ in this world. One can thus see how this has become the foundation of our current ‘civilization’ : see pretty pictures, attach some ‘great value’ to that which entails great abuse, extrapolate the Value of Life as Equals and create a hierarchical system wherein one has to accept great suffering to get to god. Sounds familiar? Yes, life is a struggle and you’ll have to endure sweat, blood and tears to ‘make it’ in this life. These are the laws of our current hierarchical system of abuse as well as the religious precepts that we have blindly followed– and this has become the foundation to the vast majority of a nation blinded by religion and still believing that through prayer this world will get better and they will get what they require to live, which is money.

Is ‘God/ Religion/ Money’ to blame then? Not at all, it has always been ourselves that created such entities, it has only been ourselves that followed through with such forms of separation while being embodying the answer to all life: the physical, life in equality. This is thus not a point to condemn but mostly a point to expose in order to see what type of religious-systems we’re still following and Money as the current construct it exists as is certainly no different to any form of religion that we believe is what’s best for all, while it has always proven to Not be so as this world and our entire history of ‘venerating gods’ have demonstrated already.

How long will we continue to value metals, paper, wood, oils, stones shaped into the form of gods/money more than life itself? how long will we continue to be controlled by these symbols and totems that can only signify a point of separation and abuse toward each other?

Investigate the Equal Money System where all false gods will cease to exist and Life will be recognized as who we are in Equality: giving and receiving what we require to live and never again reduce ourselves to being servants of abuse.

 

 

“Everything Works-together like a Conspiracy of Synchronicities. Constantly Sending the Message: “Obey – you are Imperfect”, “You’re Born in Sin”, “You’re Not Good Enough”, “the World can’t Change”, “Accept what is Here” – and then, you are Given an ‘Answer’, an Illusion as Consciousness as Religion, as Spirituality, through which you can Escape, Waiting for Death as the ‘Great Escape’ to go to ‘Another World’, apparently, to a ‘Better Life’, apparently, which obviously, if you Study the Law of Physics: Is Impossible. There Is Only That which you Are and Allow – Even Beyond this, because: ‘Magically’, your State of Energy don’t Change, ‘Magically’ your State of Being don’t Change, it is What it is Now and what you Accept Now; and if you Do Not Understand the Most Basic Principles of What makes it Possible for you to be Consciousness, to have a Thought, to have a Feeling, to have Emotion: If you don’t Understand That even – How could you Ever be Free?” – Bernard Poolman*

 

Further Support:

 

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269.The Inner-Hell creates the Outer-Hell

 

The pattern unfolds the following way: one faces a point wherein Self Responsibility was neglected, wherein we didn’t measure the consequences of our thoughts, words and deeds and as such ‘all hell breaks lose’ within ourselves, because then we are faced with consequence, and we realize there is No way out from it this timeright?

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

Fear Dimension:

I will have to face the ugly truth of myself/ what I have become

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to face myself as the point of neglect that I allowed to develop and exist due to my own irresponsibility toward myself as my thinking processes that lead to a physical consequence wherein now there are manifested consequences that I realize I have to face and as such

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear having to endure the consequences and become fearful of facing my reality, without realizing that all the time I had the ability to take responsibility for myself, my words, thoughts and actions – but I didn’t – thus, I realize that fear is a convenient self-experience to victimize myself toward that which I have created without self-awareness – which means that

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use Fear as a way to cover up the fact that I neglected my own responsibility toward myself as my thoughts, my actions, my relationships, my own physical body and within this I have deliberately made myself ‘fearful’ to not see and face the reality that I’ve become, which is every single thought, every single word, every single relationship toward others and myself that have now caused a consequential outflow that has damaged myself and others, just because I had not considered what actually caring for myself in fact means.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equally be fearful to face and confront the reality that this world has become, without realizing that this world is the collective accumulation of all individual neglect that I am actually participating and existing as myself – which implies that I cannot blame ‘the state of the world’ for how I experience myself, as I am the one that has decided how to experience myself through and as thoughts, feelings and emotions, never ever realizing that these are the mind-mechanisms wherein we eventually only get ‘drowned’ in our own self-experience and neglect the actual physical reality that is being constantly abused for us to maintain our personal heavens and inner hells, just because we haven’t realized the level of self-destruction that who we are as the mind has become upon this physical reality, which is what we really are/what should be a point of stability for all to actually live.

 

Thought Dimension:

Just vanishing, everything disappearing, me being doing nothing at all

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when facing the consequence of my actions/ inaction and neglect toward my self responsibility, resort to a momentary thought of just wanting it all to end, just vanish and not think and experience anything, which is the pattern of wanting to avoid realizing that: nothing and no one has created such ‘unbearable self experience’ within me other than myself through constantly and continuously only having sought to ‘feel good’ and avoid taking responsibility toward myself and my world – this implies that

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to and desire to escape the mind as all the inner-hell/ turmoil that I have created within myself, without realizing that such inner-hell is in fact only created by the same mind that I have blindly participated in as constant thoughts, internal conversations/ backchat, reactions, judgments, emotions and feelings that exist as the energetic system that I have given attention to, which has now become ‘who I am’ and a such, out of my self-directive principle because of not having realized that Who I Am is the stability of the physical body, and that all the inner turmoil is indicating a point that I am not taking self responsibility for, a point that I have separated myself from and must investigate – but instead, allowed the inner-hell/ turmoil to become ‘who I am’ until it became unbearable that I did Not direct myself toward a solution and allowed myself to be overwhelmed by the consequence, which has now lead me to want to ‘vanish’ and just ‘scape’ through ‘plugging myself out’ through any means such as any substance, activity or person that I have defined as a ‘feel good’ experience, without realizing that in seeking for ‘feeling good’ again, I am only compounding the consequence of the neglect of sorting out that which ‘made me feel bad’ in the first place, which is myself and my own disregard to take actions to align and correct my life in order to function as what’s best for myself/ all equally.

 

Backchat/ Internal Conversations:

– I rather just give up, there is no point in solving that

– It’s done and I fucked up

– I knew this would lead nowhere

– I just want to make it all stop

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use thoughts in order to justify my irresponsibility toward myself and my reality with words like ‘I rather just give it all up, there is no point in solving that’ wherein I have believed that ‘giving up’ is an option I can take and that any point of solution is ‘pointless’ due to me having delegated the responsibility toward myself / my world toward ‘others changing first’ and as such, have used the ‘state of the world’ as a reason, excuse and justification to not take responsibility for myself and create an entire mind-possession of apathy/ depression/ sadness and despair that leads toward a ‘giving up’ self-experience, without realizing how it is in this very experience that we give Into the mind of self-interest, wherein I only then care about ‘How I Feel’ / ‘How I am Experiencing Myself as My Mind,’ wherein one then seeks to ‘feel better’ by using/ consuming/ doing something that will take me to the ‘positive experience again,’ which is how I have neglected to take Self Responsibility at all times, because of having always only been concerned about ‘How I Feel,’ regardless of who and what I am abusing within this.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use self-judgment as ‘It’s done and I fucked up’ which is a recurrent patter whenever I actually seek a form of companion and condescendence for my own created misery and neglect, which is just another form of using words to abuse myself and others in order to cover up and justify my lack of self-direction when it comes to taking responsibility for every single word, self-experience that I have within me – within this realizing that such words as ‘It’s done and I fucked up’ lead to a ‘no remedy’ situation wherein one leads oneself to the ‘bottom of the pit’ which is just another form of self-victimization to not have to face the reality and consequences that I have manifested and participated in equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept the words ‘I know this would lead me nowhere’ wherein the fact of Knowing as a conscious awareness of the potential damage/consequences created by myself were deliberately ignored due to me having always sought to feel good/ feel at ease/ do the least effort which amounts onto a series of points neglected/ avoided/ deliberately not looked at/ investigated such as my own thinking patterns that I have fed and created into this ‘unbearable self-experience’ of which I seek to escape from through wanting to ‘give up’ on myself/ life and everything, without realizing that who we are as the physical body does not give up on self until death, and that it is only through a mind possession that we can be seeking to ‘give up’ which indicates that it is who we are/ have become as the mind that is the first point of self-awareness that we must develop and consider in order to prevent these forms of mind-possession to take place.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the backchat ‘I just want to make it all stop’ wherein the clear self-experience is that of victimization wherein I deliberately seek to ‘stop’ the consequences that I have participated in creating and manifesting every time that I accepted and allowed myself to follow my thoughts, my desires, wants and needs that would not consider first doing/ acting and directing that which ensures my physical stability and stable-sound relationships toward others and myself, my environment – and within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realizing that within this ‘I want to make it all just stop’ I am only existing as this selfish-decision that is not considering in fact ALL as myself as an actual living organism that I am reducing to a problem in my mind, which I then seek to ‘stop’ and ‘get rid of it’ without having taken a moment to look at myself, my words, thoughts, internal conversations, emotions and feelings that have lead me to create the physical consequences that I am now facing as myself.

I realize that this consequence that we have become is often sought to be avoided and shoved aside, which is what leads us to immediately seek to ‘feel good’ again, to ‘make it up’ for ourselves again, which is unacceptable since it is in fact those same ‘feel good’ self experiences that have lead us to neglect ourselves as physical beings, this world and all the actual living species that are enabling our ‘lives’ to continue, which means that: without the physical support of the Earth in itself, my ‘inner-hell’ would not be able to be fed and I would not exist – which implies that we are constantly abusing ourselves every time that we rather give into this mind possession of ‘not feeling alright’ and ‘wanting to escape’ instead of actually looking at the responsibility that we all hold toward this current world-wide/ global state of crisis that is clearly generated by all of us collectively and as such

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fail to see how ‘how I feel’ and ‘who I am’ as the mind, as what I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become is defining and co-creating the world outside of ourselves, which is not really separate from how I experience myself in the ‘inside’ as the expression of abuse that I have become as the mind is the current creative force and maintenance of the abusive status quo in the ‘outer-world’ as the current ‘outer-hell’ we have become as humanity within this world, abusing it in order to fuel our mind possessions, which is unacceptable.

Imagination:

Negative imagination: having to spend a long time solving the problem/ situation

Positive imagination: numbing myself out any form of drug/ stimulant/ activity/ inactivity

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my mind and imagination to extrapolate the problem/ situation I am facing as a ‘worst case scenario’ such as having to spend a long time and having to implement a lot of effort to solve the problem/ create a solution to what I have done and become, without realizing that in this process of imagination, I am constructing just another reason and excuse to not move myself, not face my consequence and instead, become deliberately negligent toward myself and my reality, seeking for a ‘quick fix’ to sort it all out, which is usually through using and consuming something that will take me to this positive self experience – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to after I have participated in the negative imagination of all the possible outcomes of having to create solutions to the problems I have created and manifested within myself and my reality equally, I veer toward the ‘positive imagination’ such as wanting to immediately feel good again, wanting to consume and experience something that I have defined as ‘good’ and ‘positive’ which is mostly created through any form of drug, stimulant, activity or inactivity as well as relationships that I have used in my world in order to further ‘numb myself down’ and not face my reality and the consequences I am running away from, which is quite pointless and a waste of time if I realize that there is no actual way to ‘run away from myself’ in my imagination, as eventually we all have to face our reality and what we have become.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use my memories and imaginations as a way to program within myself an immediate way to ‘make myself feel better’ by going from the negative outcome to the positive outcome that I then seek to live-out as my reality, creating further consequences of evading my responsibility instead of actually stopping all participation in the same evasive behavior, place the cards on the table so to speak and ground myself as the physical to start looking at solutions instead of seeking further ways to ‘run away’ from it.

 

Reactions:

-Dread, dullness, apathy, wanting to give up

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a negative self-experience as emotions of dread, dullness, apathy as a general ‘wanting to give up’ self experience that I haven’t seen and realized represent the most common form of self-manipulation and excuse to not have to face oneself and the consequences created by my own negligence and deliberate unawareness, which means that, I have accepted and allowed myself to become subject to my own mind to define ‘who I am’ according to the conditions suiting my desires or not – and if not, I then use all forms of thoughts, internal conversations and imaginations to lead myself to embody this ‘giving up’ self experience, which I then believe is who I am, without realizing that is is only a mind-entity as all words, thoughts, imaginations, memories as patterns that I have diminished myself to be and become, without realizing I am in fact giving my breath/ my power away to fuel these self-destructive self-experiences without creating a solution to actually align/ correct the point I am becoming emotional about – within this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how any emotional experience is a deliberate self-manipulation and distraction to not have to face who I am and what I have become as the mind that I have believed is ‘everything that I am,’ constantly seeking to feel good/ be at peace in order to not face the inherent self-experience of being unfulfilled, unsatisfied, not good enough, never getting anything right, never succeeding, looking at the world as one big fuckup and allow all of these thoughts to become a self-experience that in no way are in fact contributing to my own well being and as such are no solution to the collective well being.

I realize that we have always resorted to complain about ‘how we feel/ how we see the world’ but in no way do we even conceive that it is ourselves only that have created this imbalance within and without in our reality, and that the actual beings that are suffering and having to endure the consequences of our mind-possessed decisions in life, are all the animals, plants, environment that we literally consume and abuse to constantly seek a ‘feel good’ point at a mind level, without being aware of the physical abuse and depletion and destruction that takes place within our body as our own physical flesh and without as the Earth’s resources that we literally burn up to generate Energy to ‘feel good.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Justify my experience as this reaction of ‘giving up’ and being in this emotional turmoil without realizing that in being and becoming so, I am Not supporting anyone in this reality at all, I am only supporting further self-abuse of myself and everyone else in this world, as I realize that whatever I accept and allow within myself is not an ‘isolated problem,’ but it is part of that which co-creates everyone’s self-experience as well, because the moment that we are ‘not alright’ within ourselves, all our relationships toward other beings in our world will also not be alright and as such, the entire world is woven and created and stemming from our own relationships that we have neglected toward ourselves first as our own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to go into a positive experience whenever I am ‘down’ which is my self-created victimization state and within such mind-possession, seek to ‘feel good’ and ‘feel better’ through wanting to simply give-up about everything in my reality, wanting everything to just ‘disappear’ which is an apparent easy way out to ourselves and the consequences created, without realizing that I am the only one that has created such ‘unpleasant experience’ due to the relationship toward myself as my mind, my physical body and every other living being that I coexist with, which has never been considered in equality and self support.

 

Physical Dimension:

– Yawning, wanting to sleep, slouching, heavy eyes, tiredness

– Doing something compulsively like pulling out  my hair or cleaning something, going out to ‘get something’ that I don’t precisely need

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to yawn and ‘want to sleep’ whenever I am facing a point of consequence and as such, want to evade having to go through the actual process of self responsibility toward myself and my world

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to slouch and have a general self-experience of being ‘weak’ and ‘tired’ which I have accepted as an actual self-experience, without realizing that this is only the externalization of the thoughts and emotions that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become – which implies abusing my physical body and its stability, deliberately manipulating myself to ‘feel bad’ in order to justify further evasion of my responsibilities in my reality, which is unacceptable since it is a physical-self manipulation that is only supporting who I am as the mind and not who I really am and what I am willing to accept and allow of myself as the physical body that is actually Unconditional in its expression as long as I feed myself properly and breathe and exercise and relate to my physical environment in a common sensical manner = considering what is best for myself and all equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a general heaviness in my body when having to confront the consequences that I have become as the outflow of my participation in the mind, wherein having heavy eyes becomes the ‘way that I see’ the world and everything, which is then an indication that I am becoming and embodying a mind possession to not SEE the reality of myself and what I have become, but instead seek further excuses and justifications to escape and evade my reality as a general ‘I am not feeling well’ which is obviously the consequence of who I am as the mind upon my physical body – which is the point of self responsibility to align here.

Consequences:

– Wasting time, having to catch up while I regain my stability, missing out great opportunities of self-change due to giving into the energetic experience of ‘I’m doomed/I’m fucked/ I lost’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience that the consequences are just ‘too great’ and ‘too vast’ to face as what I am as my mind, what I’ve imposed onto my physical body and as such extend such consequence to my physical reality as this world, wherein every problem that we see is the result of us not living-as physical beings that consider at all times what’s best for all, but have become mind-possessed bodies that only seek to generate good feelings, positive experiences at the expense of the world we consume, exploit and destroy in order to generate our personal heavens.

 

I realize that every single moment that I face consequence, it is not a point for me to become sad, go into self pity and self destructive behavior about it but instead use the opportunity to face, correct and align the relationship that I have neglected that has caused a physical consequence within me and my world – this is thus the pattern to  become aware of at all times: seeing this world and all its ‘flaws’ and ‘problems’ not as an indication only of ‘how fucked we all are’ and sink into depression, but instead make a deliberate physical decision to no longer be willing to accept and allow ourselves to be subsumed by self destructive and evasive behavior, because this would only pile up into the already piled-up mess that we’ve created in this world – we are here to stop and make a declaration of who we are willing to be and live as, which is the decision that won’t make us ‘feel good’ such as the rush experienced with any drug as a positive experience , but will generate physical, stable and sound solutions to generate an actual wellbeing for all living beings, where I am certain, no more addictions and self destruction will be sought, since we will all be equally aware of giving and doing what’s best for all in the realization of who we really are as Equals.

 

Self-Commitment Statements to come  –

Further support:

 

 

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Face Thy Demons – Great Support here:


203. The Acceptance of Heaven is the Allowance of Hell

As humanity we have walked life after life not questioning anything in our reality, learning that things are ‘how they are’ because ‘that’s how it works’ and swallowing up this chill-pill-answer which in my case, I swallowed with some discontent initially – however, because I had no physical suffering, lack of food, lack of a house, lack of family, lack of education and learned that even though I was seeing suffering on the streets, being witness to hideous acts of madness – all was apparently ‘fine’ and we could still ‘enjoy’ and ‘have fun’ and seek for our greatest excitement and monetary success,  I simply learned to turn a ‘blind eye’ and being perfectly aware of every moment that I would compare my reality to that of children my age that had to be working on the streets, knocking door by door asking for food and clothes, me only reacting with absolute powerlessness every time, feeling sorry for a few minutes – then forgetting about it and continue with my happy go round life that was possible due to Money. Because, in the end,  what one learns at home when being in a middle-class society is to always aiming ‘higher’ in the social pyramid of greed and negligence and not really bother in trying to ‘save the world/ change the world’ as I had expressed some times – all of it actually stemming from me more feeling ‘bad’ about it than really even considering at that stage me being Them as in equally being here in this world, and that the acceptance of their condition held/ sustained my own pursuit of happiness.

This is similar to the acceptance of heaven and hell and my early obsession with polarity and wondering how I could only fathom ‘staying on the good side’ of BenEVILence, doing all I could to remain always at the good eyes of that god/ spiritual all-seer that I believed in and that became- along with my reality – the constant guiding forces while growing up: the social-conditioning of focusing on ‘aiming higher’ and the spiritual context (I apparently was not raised religiously, but ‘spiritually’ lol)  of doing good/ being a good girl/ aiming to ascend to the light realms when being dead. I did not know much about ‘heaven’ or the bible – but was well aware of Hell and I knew I had to avoid it at all cost. Now, this single neglect toward Hell/ Evil/ Demons the ‘Bad’ and Dark side of reality was almost like a taboo that no one wanted to talk about, not even talking about ‘death’ which obviously, lead me to later on develop my own fascination toward all the things that had been kept ‘unknown’ to me as part of any form of Education and Family/ Society, wherein all one focuses is ‘staying on the positive side! Be Happy! Seek for your own personal improvement!’ type of reality. But still, I was not satisfied.

 

I became a news fanatic when I was probably on my early teens and this was mostly beginning to wanting to understand the financial systems because of aiming at a career in such realms initially – obviously then veering off to the total opposite within hearing everyone say how I was absolutely ‘out of my mind’ if I even think I could create a change in this world – it bummed me out and that’s how I essentially Gave UP any form of actual career that would lead me to be In the system, the core of it in the money-markets and financial deals and veered toward that which I believed was more ‘humane’ such as socials sciences, ending up in literature and arts – which till this day even after all I see hold enough opening and consideration toward that which can create a change in this world if implemented at an educational level.

 

So this is a bit of a background of how I learned to ‘turn a blind eye’ on reality, essentially quickly conforming with everything that seemed like a ‘better option’ for me to take on in my reality, which suited what I was informed I had to aim at while growing up: being a successful person like my parents, in ‘whatever’ I decided to be and become. And I accepted that constant impulse as something ‘cool’ you know? Because I was being ‘cheered up’ by my parents every time that I ‘succeeded’ in my school, yet I always never felt quite happy with it, because I would go into ‘feeling bad’ about those that were behind me and were not even able of attaining a proper mark, even if I had witnessed they tried very hard to – and so this impotence grew and grew within me, not knowing why on Earth did I have it ‘so easy’ in  my life and others were struggling – and this, was my acceptance of ‘Heaven’  as something that was meant only for a few – and denying Hell as the reality of this world, as everything that I could see and perceive as being ‘behind me/ below me’ in any form of social taxation that I became aware of while realizing that there were kids my age – 6 –7 or even less – working on the streets, asking for food, asking for coins while their mothers fed babies next to them, on the sidewalk.  I allowed myself to just pretend that it is ‘fine’ and that they are somehow having to PAY for some awful act in some past life and that’s ‘why’ they are poor/ neglected and even receiving further abuse by the authority, the level of Injustice I became aware of really ‘brought me down’ into a constant state of depression and being sad about the state of the world, only later on and even today realizing/ remind myself how this is also a state of self interest, wherein I then certainly sought to escape from this reality through the realm of imagination, pictures, inspiration, seeking ‘beauty’ in this world where there was clearly non – all as a failed attempt to redeem life in one way or another, never ever considering to what extent I had ‘signed up the contract’ to be part of the ones that wanted to ‘change the world’ outside of ourselves, feeling ‘bad’ for the unfortunate ones and essentially committing myself to want to do some ‘good’ mostly from the starting point of me not feeling guilty for having had a rather privileged lifestyle, as opposed to what I would witnessed around me.

Continuation of the Elite Character

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to be and become ‘successful’ just like my parents, wherein this positive attitude and positive experiences was always linked to having money in our pockets and ensuring that we became ‘good savers’ and within that, giving some charity to those that had Nothing only to ‘share what we have’ without ever really considering how the very acceptance of us being able to give to ‘unfortunate ones’ that which we could spare them, implied the acceptance and allowance of inequality in this world as ‘how the system works’ wherein instead of learning about the creation of poverty and inequality that lead to social injustice, I con.formed to only feel ‘bad’ about them and give them money fro once in a while, giving  clothes away while creating an experience of powerlessness within me about them/ the unfortunate ones, which implies how I would only feel bad about them when being in their presence – yet remaining focused on my ‘aim’ to achieve my goals in life, which was mostly linked to being a good person/ doing good to others/ caring about ‘the world’ such as the environment, pollution – I did not even consider animals that much – and essentially creating this profile of being a ‘good person’ linked to success and most importantly, linked to a reward in the afterlife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brush aside the fact that I did believe in a light-realm where all the dead people would go to and I was aware of the so called ‘caves of darkness’ wherein I learned that people that had, for example, been participating in wars would go to, and that I would simply have to do everything I could to avoid going there – it wasn’t called ‘hell’ but just ‘darkness’ so, I had to avoid darkness which in this world translated to avoid ending up as a ‘no one’ with no-money/ no-light in this world and within that, see all people that were with no-light/ no-money and living on the streets, being absolutely helpless as people that had probably been inherently evil in some past life and within that justifying their existence as poor people/ unfortunate ones according to that ‘law’ which I later on became aware it was called karma.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘do good’ in my life not because I genuinely cared about other beings, but because ‘I’ did not want to suffer and feeling bad when looking at them and realizing that I had ‘more’ than them – essentially thus any thought or intention of ‘doing good’ was directly linked to the inherent guilt and shame that I developed when and while growing up, due to me feeling powerless to do anything about their situation and as such, always only focusing on how I would experience myself toward the ‘unfortunate ones,’ and believing that I had to redeem Myself by being a good/ careful person even though I always felt awkward while pretending to be so, yet played the act because I wanted to be seen with ‘good eyes’ by society and ultimately by whatever force I was expecting on ‘the other side’ so, I did walk a life of ‘keeping score’ of being a good person, fearing doing ‘bad things’/ fearing ‘evil people’ and only promoting a way to ‘elevate ourselves’ in social conditions and even beingness such as being more ‘enthusiastic’ about life – wanting to ‘do good’ to the ‘less fortunate ones’ yet never in fact investigating what were the causes of their current unequal stance within the system, what was the reason why they were not being helped to have a dignified living and blatantly accepted then poverty just as part of my landscape, not bothering to question about it further because of not getting straight answers about it – thus con.forming, keeping quiet, turning a blind eye and instead focusing only on my personal world and satisfaction, escalating social statuses and aiming at all times to ‘be successful’ in whatever I decided to be and become.

 

I realize that my very starting point of ‘caring for others’ has never been something natural/ genuine to me, no matter how hard I tried to believe it was. But was mostly caused by the fear of having to ‘pay’ something/ someone in the afterlife for having been a ‘bad person’ such as having a ‘good life’ and in that, neglecting others’ realities such as the unfortunate ones, wherein I then tried to ‘do my part’ by seeking to oppose the system, criticize it, judge it and essentially pointing fingers at everyone else but myself, which is how I became self-righteous about my evil  (195. The Righteousness of Evil) and took it to the extent of denying vehemently that I was an equal and one participant of everything in this world that would case suffering, death, starvation in it – it really took me a while to understand how by just the single fact of me being Here as a breathing physical being, I was equally responsible for all that which I had turned a blind eye from for a very long time and how the very position of wanting to ‘do good’/ be a good person’ to the unfortunate ones was in fact blatant self interest, seeking to stop feeling ‘bad’ about those that had no money/ no support from anyone and within that, also earning ‘points’ toward a lightish/ heavenly experience, avoiding going to the ‘caves of darkness’ that I knew simply was something to avoid.

 

This became the foundation of ‘how I functioned’ in my reality, wherein for a long time what ruled me obviously was then only looking at the positive and doing essentially what I believed was ‘proper’ in terms of seeking to give charity/ support to the ‘less fortunate ones’ once that I had attained my elitist-supreme position that I did seek after in my mind/ imagination when thinking about professions and careers that I could direct myself to, which was not up to long ago some 6 years ago wherein I aimed at becoming a ‘well known’ artist so that I could then ‘speak up and change the world!’ because I apparently never stopped wanting to ‘make a change’ but I was precisely not wanting to give up my OWN benefits in order to see how everything works in reality and how I was directly responsible for that which I was trying to ‘save’ and ‘correct’ and ‘reform’ in this reality.

 

So, I commit myself to realize and accept the fact that I have never really genuinely ‘cared’ for other beings in an absolute unconditional manner, due to me always wanting to ‘add up to my score’ of doing something good to others, instead of realizing this is a matter of principle, of Understanding reality wherein once that you Understand, See and Realize how this entire existence functions, how the world system stems from our very relationship of the mind toward the physical, how energy and substance operate, what was heaven and hell and what they represent until today within our lives, how the world system functioned with a preprogrammed life path for all beings wherein there were by design some elitist beings that became the example and role model for the masses to attempt to ‘equate’ to  – while creating poverty, starvation, the ‘ostracized’ and marginalized people that were sustaining such wealth being absolutely disregarded out of the equation of any form of satisfaction and fulfillment. And within this all, realizing that there is No excuse at all to not stand up for life, not only because of it being our absolute responsibility, but because we are it – it is not even about creating a sense of ‘duty’ within it all, it’s about self-realization of us being that whole that is currently undergoing the ‘trials and tribulations’ that are nothing but the outcome of having lived entire lives only seeking to maintain an apparent ‘well being’ at the expense of others that were deliberately quieted/ shut down or even ostracized from the system in order for the majority to seek after the ‘good life’ here and in the hereafter, which became the most well known lie to be Sould in existence, not even only in humanity.

 

Thus I commit myself to realize that the starting point of myself within this process of Self-Equality and Oneness in Self Honesty implies realizing and recognizing the fact that one was initially motivated by obtaining something ‘good’ out of this, some form of ‘reward’ for walking process, without realizing that it is not about changing the world ‘out there’ for others, but changing My world With others – which is something you can read at Heaven’s Journey To Life which clarifies to the exact T. this subtle differentiation that makes actually a big difference with regards to the approach of ‘changing the world’/ wanting to go do good’ and all the points that we must consider before even being able to consider any form of ‘change’ within ourselves/ our reality.

 

I understand that Education is the fundamental aspect to this, as I am a witness of it myself. the more I educate myself about Reality with everything that is being presented as the Investigation of  Existence and this Reality through the Eqafe interviews, I become more certain about myself, my process, my understanding and playing my own ‘devil’s advocate’ to see where the hell there exist still any form of self interest to walk this process, which obviously cannot remain at all not a single iota of ‘convenience’ can determine my every move, otherwise it will be pointed out by myself in Self Honesty in order to realize that any form of Energy-seeking desire is Self-Dishonesty and that implies going to both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ as poles of the same energetic fix that the mind is always seeking for.

 

I commit myself to be absolutely self honest to any point of support that I commit myself to give to myself and share with others, in order to not create a certain persona of myself, standing up for ‘something good’ but simply realizing it is a single alignment and correction of how things should have always worked/ functioned in our reality. And this is then a matter of physical principles of living conditions, not of an egotistical approach to make ourselves feel ‘more’ than what we already are here.

 

I will continue  in the following posts debunking my acceptance of an elitist character within me, wanting to ‘do good’/ be good while still holding on mainly a personal self interest about it all to become ‘more’ than myself apparently.

 

For more information and understanding of yourself visit:

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Desteni Forum

Desteni Lite Process 

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System 

 

Eyes that see

Eyes that see 2003

 

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Human Resources: Social Engineering In The 20th Century

 

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134.‘Gotta be On TOP at All Times’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize and see who am I within wanting to ‘secure’ a position on top of others wherein I have deliberately side-viewed/ neglected and ignored the fact that within me wanting to be ‘safe’ within a point of superiority fulfilling my wants, needs and personal desires and creating an entire personality as ‘superior/ greater/ confident/ powerful’ being, I am in fact existing as the absolute fear to lose that which I have defined myself to Only be, such as that point which makes me feel powerful and superior – being it money, relationships, knowledge – which is in fact everything that we have separated ourselves from, getting ourselves to the extent of fearing losing such point outside of ourselves because it is all that we have defined ourselves to be.

I realize that within the current configuration of the world as capitalism, we have abdicated our self-worth and self acceptance to whether we are ‘worthy’ at the eyes of the world-system to make money, to get sex, to be ‘successful’ and as such learning that it is only through these means that we can in fact be ‘great’ and ‘fulfilled’ in our living, which is an absolute lie as the story that’s never told is how for some to be successful and have all the money and all the successful-lifestyle, there must be those that invariably must be the losers, the slaves that work to sustain the earthly-heavenly experience that can only exist as the abusive illusion that money has enabled as a possibility – and our reality today – while justifying those that are abused as ‘the losers’ as inept, incapable, not good enough, not worthy enough to have equal opportunities to also aspire to get a life-worth-living, which is absolutely unacceptable.

When and as I see myself wanting to secure my position in an apparent point of stability within money, relationships as the entire suit of success – I stop and I breathe – I rather look at everything and everyone that must be ‘underneath’ me in this hierarchical world system in order for me to apparently ‘remain’ in such a position that is only held by money and relationships in this world system, wherein all that I have complied myself to be is the outflow of mind-indoctrination to be and become the next ‘big hit’ in my own mind in comparison to others, thus I direct myself to see and consider the lives of those that must be abused, that must be deliberately ‘left behind’ and below in order for me to be on top, to get ahead everyone else as ‘my goal in life’ and ‘My fulfillment.’

I commit myself to expose any dream of being successful and the ultimate powerful person as the actual point of self-abuse that is accepted and allowed currently in this world as a form of justifying the inequality that is necessary to keep an unequal system running making such points of ‘success’ and ‘loss’ possible. I realize that there can be no actual success if inequality exists, if abuse exists thus

I commit myself to expose the current accepted and allowed conception of ‘success’ as a nice way to cover up a deliberate form of abuse toward others that are seen a ‘less than’ and ‘unworthy’ so that only a handful can be seen as worthy, as powerful and successful.

 

“Interesting, that: the more money one have, the more time, effort and attention one can spend in/as one’s Mind in manipulating one’s physical-body and physical-reality to suit one’s personal wants, needs and desires in standing in the limelight within/as one’s own Life/World. That this is what each human being in this world in our relationship with Money, want, need and desire – the riches of the Earth/this World as what the consumerism giant provide.” – Sunette Spies*

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to indulge within thinking of myself as someone greater, superior, powerful without even taking a look at ‘who am I’ within wanting to be a powerful person Above others and how this desire to be ‘on top’ of others is in fact the very mechanism in which this current society and capitalist system is founded upon.

I realize that I had been indoctrinated as a child to always seek to be ‘on top’ and remain ‘untouchable’ within such position as that would guarantee my ‘happiness,’ which is how I allowed myself to create an absolute fortress around me as a character to maintain my own ‘position’ secured in my world as ‘the best/ the greatest/ the most intelligent one,’ which supports the entire polarization of our reality wherein for some to be winners, others have to stand and be regarded as the losers.

When and as I see myself indulging into thoughts of me being the greatest and scheming ways to remain in such alleged position in my world, I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to in such moment realize to what extent I am separating myself from my physical body, considering myself as a physical being that cannot in any way be ‘more’ than other bodies as flesh and bones – thus

I commit myself to expose the superiority/ vanity/ egotistical thoughts that support the narcissist character wherein I stand as ‘the king of the world’ in my reality, through my own backchat and internal conversations – thus It is to realize how such seemingly ‘innocent’ thoughts become in fact the building blocks of who we are as the illusion of the character that believes itself to be ‘more’ than others, simply to fulfill one single belief of ‘power and control’ over others, which is in fact what must be exposed as the point of abuse and illusion as there can be no power in existence other than the physical that we have separated ourselves from, while existing only as a mind that wants to be and become ‘greater’ than others.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize how when I am busy in my mind scheming and participating in thoughts, internal conversations and backchat finding ways to remain on the top, to get to the top, to ‘beat’ another in any form of rivalry or competition that I have created in my mind, without realizing how this is what further contributes to the inequality in this world wherein who we are has been diminished to values/ worth and perceptions of who we are within a system wherein Money as the ultimate power dictates ‘who’s who in the zoo’

Thus, I realize that whenever I participate in thoughts and dreams of getting to be the greatest and the most ‘powerful,’ I am in fact saying that I am willing to abuse, manipulate and corrupt myself and others in order to make ‘MY dream come true’ and secure ‘MY place’ in this world as being the most powerful, greatest being, which is an absolute demonstration of vanity wherein we don’t want to actually look at and realize who and what we are directly and indirectly abusing with us keeping such desires to be and become ‘more’ in our minds.

When and as I see myself scheming ways to get ‘on top’ of others in the ultimate position of power as ‘success’  — I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to instead see how I am practically able to support myself to be an example of how I can stand in and as equality and oneness which is the point that will certainly then enable everyone to be equally supported, wherein All can have the same ability to have a dignified and ‘successful’ living wherein success is no longer defined by being ‘more’ than others or ‘beating’ others in a race, but a general well being that will be available for all once that we establish a living-system of Equality such as the Equal Money System wherein we will learn how to honor each others as equals and any desire to be ‘more’ than others, will be treated with professional support and assistance to re-align the being’s life to that which is best for all.

I commit myself to thus consider each and every single being whenever I am only thinking about ‘MY own success, MY own desires, MY own dreams of getting to a successful point in my world’ as I see and realize that it is only through re-aligning any point of personal interest to the interest of what’s best for ALL that I am able to then expand my perspective and realize the abuse that stems from chasing after my personal-interests and pleasure/ satisfaction creates when being created at the expense of other beings in inequality.

“I commit myself to show how/why this calls for the re-education of the Human Being that is in fact very uneducated regarding the principles of Life and Living, very ‘intelligent’ regarding how to manipulate, deceive, remain ignorant of reality, and abuse for the sake of survival and money, but actual COMMON SENSE as having the sense, the ability to SEE and SENSE with and as that which is COMMON, EQUAL, ONE as this physical existence and us all within and as it: do not exist.” –Sunette Spies

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react in jealousy the moment that I see someone ‘climbing up to MY spot’ within the perceived powerful successful position, wherein I then justify all means and ways to ensure that such individual/s do Not make it on top  -and as such, believing that creating a competition and definite rivalry is the way to ‘reclaim my place’ which is nothing else but actual fear of losing the privileges and ‘secured’ position of superiority.

I realize that in this current world system competition is reinforced and promoted as a way to ‘become better’ every time as it’s been proven how individuals work ‘better’ when under pressure and/or threat to ‘lose their jobs/ position’ in a particular scenario within this world system – thus ensuring that ‘competition’ remains as the method of excellence to ensure that people remain doing ‘the best they can’ and giving all their effort to it simply because of not wanting others to take their position and become ‘more’ than them.

When and as I see myself going into jealousy when and as perceiving that someone is going to ‘get my place,’ I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to simply remain constant and consistent in my application wherein I realize that playing the competition game in my mind only adds further stress as the fear of loss toward such position that only exists as a concept of superiority in my mind. Furthermore I realize that accepting a point of competition as ‘real’ implies that I am in fact giving into a form of fear wherein there must be a winner and a loser, thus moving only through and as the starting point of Fear instead of it being a clear self directive decision to move.

 

I commit myself to expose all forms of hierarchy as an atrocity against life and exposing it as the actual carrot on the stick mechanism to keep everyone busy ‘climbing the ladder of success’ all the time, without realizing who and what we are damaging in such moments, which is ourselves and the life that we abuse to remain in our powerful/ almighty bubbles of money that must burst in order to realize the reality that is here covered up with the illusion of ‘control’ that we have created through and as our current monetary system.

 

I realize how the only real value of Life is Life itself and that we can instead support each other to work together and learn how to coexist and co-create within the starting point of oneness and equality as life, as this is the only way wherein everyone can Win equally, because there will be no more abuse in the name of maintaining a polarized society of abuse.

 

I commit myself to spot myself whenever I see me wanting to be ‘On Top’ and ‘The Most Successful’ and See the abuse and exploitation that the mere existence of such ‘positions’ within the world system represent, as there is no ability to be ‘successful’ in this world at the moment without abusing others to create such perception of power and control that exists as an actual fear of realizing that we are not in fact of control of ourselves as our physical, as our minds, as the environment which already indicates the level of limitation and delusion that exists as this feeble concept of ‘superiority’ masking an absolute fear to in fact be apparently ‘nothing else’ yet nothing more than an equal and one part of the whole that has been subdued to a set of energetic fixes that we are here to Stop and finally realize what’s ‘behind’ these experiences as an actual physical reality that can certainly be ordered, managed and directed to be beneficial for all beings equally. 

“Interesting, that even within the World System itself, what is promoted is the Mind, thought, consciousness, imagination, visualization, energy…everything of that which completely separate self from reality, the physical, that is real, here. The World System promoting human beings in the Mind to such an extent that we’d focus on things the Mind feed us, the World System feed us – consumerism, images, fantasies; but would not give a moment’s consideration to the countless of human beings in PHYSICAL REALITY suffering from starvation, famine, war, poverty – keeping us preoccupied in the Mind, within our own MINDS to not see the reality of what we’re creating as this world/earth for a select minority of Humanity to finance and substantiate their Hollywood Minds.

And so, changing the human, from self-interest as what we’ve done with how we created ourselves in/as the Mind to serve only our own wants, needs and desires and so in fact change ourselves/our living to what is/will be BEST FOR ALL.” 

Sunette Spies*

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Reptilians – Convinced of my Own Righteousness – Part 85

132. EgoMania: Narcissism

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that because I exist within/as a sense of self importance, believing that the entire world revolves around me and label it as Narcissistic Disorder Personality, which is simply a name that has been given in this world to an enhanced sense of ‘self’ in our world, wherein we are simply existing as this augmented idea of self in our mind, as the ego which is everything that we have created of ourselves as a mental configuration in order to have something to define ourselves as, without realizing how every point of self-importance and definition is in fact a limitation to who I really am as one and equal, wherein there cannot exist any form of ‘superiority’ or inferiority’ as we are all physical beings of flesh and bones that cannot possibly exist as ‘more’ than others that are also flesh and bones.

I realize that within this world we have created names for so-called mental disorders without really having a clue of how the mind works and how we could all be labeled narcissistic as we are all only looking after our own survival and self-importance that can only exist as an enhanced ego/ idea of self that we then believe is ‘who we really are,’ without realizing it is only a set of thoughts that we have integrated as ‘who we are,’ eventually becoming those thoughts as words that exist only as a limited configuration of self as a personality/ character without ever pondering if this is in fact what ‘self-importance’ must be/ should be –

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am in fact superior to any other being and that the world revolves around me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am only existing as this limited mind frame of self interest wherein I have made myself ‘more’ than others as my own ego. Thus I take responsibility for such belief within the understanding that it is only in my mind that I can create something ‘more’ or ‘less’ than other – thus I direct myself to walk the perceived point of superiority/ inferiority toward others in specificity, ensuring that I align my thoughts and deeds to the realization of us being equal beings that require to establish physical agreements to live as such.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the belief that ‘the world revolves around me,’ wherein I had definitely placed myself as the center of my reality in my world and believing that it is ‘normal’ to always seek to win, to always seek to be the best, to always be aiming at eliminating any form of rivalry, which is only the ego of the mind that I have become and that I am here to walk as the process of realizing who am I and what I have become as my own thoughts, backchats internal conversations that I have embodied, without having ever considered how it is in these very thoughts that I came to separate myself from everything and everyone else in an ‘superiority’ state that I have accepted as ‘who am I’ by default/ automatically.

I see, realize and understand that any ‘need’ to make myself ‘more’ than others was in fact stemming from the fear of being less than others, and fear of not being ‘good enough’ and a such, fear of standing on the spotlight to which I then created an opposite experience as rejection to being in a ‘visible position,’ which is just another polarity game wherein in my mind where I kept myself low-profile while deeply inside still wanting to be seen/ recognized or admired for what I believe in my mind was ‘special’ about me.

When and as I see myself existing within the default character of ‘the world revolves around me,’ I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to within the consideration of that which I am thinking only relates to me, to expand it to others as one and equal and in that, immediately realize that that which I am only linking to ‘me’ is in fact related to all as one and equal. Thus I direct myself to consider everything and all as one and equal and within this consideration, take the necessary steps to ensure that the world revolves around the principle of life in Equality and not around a principle of self-interest that benefits only a few.

I commit myself to create a world system wherein the realization of being one and equal can actually be lived as an entire social,  political and economical framework wherein all that will be able to exist is life in equality and any other ‘delusion’ such as the exacerbated self-importance that any point of ‘narcissism’ creates, is walked through a process of self-correction to eventually equalize this aspect to an equal and one realization of who we are in reality/ in fact in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having spent a lifetime only concerned with Me-me-me all the time, always seeking to satisfy me-me-me and manipulating, controlling and doing everything that I was able and capable to do, so that I in my mind could remain as ‘the winner’ and the ultimate ‘champion’ that could ‘do it all’ and as such, developing a sense of confidence after having realized to what extent I actually feared everything and everyone and in this, realizing that the only way to ‘cope’ with reality is becoming the imposition of fear upon others as an image of being ‘invincible’ while in fact, such image of strength, courage and bravery is a cover-up for the actual fears that I accepted and allowed to exist within ad as me, without being able to understand why –

It is only now that we are able to understand the beginning of ourselves as creation, I can see and realize that it is in fact important to understand the beginning of our creation in order to ‘make sense’ of what we have become, otherwise, it is plain ludicrous that we have gotten ourselves this far,  without having ever considered to what extent we were oblivious of our own physical body, of each other, of this world and only accepting things ‘as they are’ with no incentive to find out ‘more’ about ourselves, but only remaining as obedient servants to ‘how things work’ and ‘what’s always been like this.’ Thus I realize that through understanding fear as part of the origin of ourselves as this creation, any characters that exist as an apparent positive attribute and ‘strength’ is and can only exist as a compensating mechanism/making-up for past characters that stood/ existed as the exact opposite of what is now presented and projected as confidence/ strength, which is how all we currently exist as is nothing but characters – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not want to see and realize and understand that any projection of strength, security, certainty and grandiosity can only exist as a character that covers up for the fears, the inadequate experiences and the belittling of myself that I had become, wherein we are only now realizing to what extent the starting point of everything we are and create must be corrected as we are already the direct consequence of stemming from fear as creation– thus it is quite ludicrous to even believe that someone that presents themselves as superior can be in fact so without seeing the actual fear and inFEARiority that exists in such portrayal as characters that make up for other characters in order to not have to sort out the initial fear, face it and walk the necessary self correction.

When and as I see myself creating an idea of self importance in relation to everything and everyone else, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am possessing myself with my own thoughts and that in such split moment that I went up thinking about the ‘who I am’ toward/ comparing myself to others, trying to place myself in a ‘superior position’ to give such an answer, is already an indication of existing as knowledge and information that seeks to validate itself as such, instead of immediately breathing, and recognizing that we are in fact only divided by our own god as the mind that thinks, that believes and perceives what is here through the eye of the mind, the limited perception that we have become due to our own acceptance and allowance to Only be the mind, forgetting about the entirety of the physicality that we breathe in/as  in every moment.

I commit myself to equalize myself as my mind to and as the physical in order to ensure that my life as a physical being is directed to honor life in equality and to create in fact a world wherein there I no piece of ‘ego’ left to create inequality between the living words as flesh that we are here, ready to walk and to in fact create a world wherein self-honesty and self-equalization as life is our new living reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a default-mode of protecting myself against criticism and/or being corrected, wherein such point of being pointed out a flaw/ a misalignment indicates that my stance as ‘a perfect being’ in my mind is threatened by another, thus I see and realize that any attempt to react in anger toward those that are pointing out something to see and correct for myself’ is only me as the ego of the mind trying to defend myself –

When and as I see myself reacting to any form of criticism and correction, I stop and I breathe – I take responsibility for myself to in that moment breathe and realize that only an ego can react whenever another is pointing out something to correct and walk as part of a self-corrective process that I am in fact actually grateful for, as it is only through my participation and interaction/ communication with others that we can face ourselves in self-honesty. For further expansion on this point, read  93. “No need to explain, I got it”

I commit myself to remain here as breath in every moment that I receive constructive criticism wherein I instead realize that it is to be grateful to have the ability of receiving feedback upon myself and my ‘doings’ in life, as we had become so used to only ‘caring for ourselves’ that another’s flaw was seen as an opportunity for us to get ‘past’ such person with such flaw, instead of actually stopping and assisting and supporting them to see and realize the point that is being missed within ourselves/ our reality within the consideration of how we can only thrive through living as equals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind having judged people that I believed were arrogant, self-centered and egotistical to the utmost degree, without realizing that every time that I thought this and believed myself to be judging them ‘fairly,’ was in fact me mirroring myself back to myself, wherein I had not seen and realized how that which I experience in my mind as judgment is in fact only about me, using others as a mirror to see who and what I have become – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my own reflection as the personalities and ‘ego’ that others presented in my reality, that I only judged in a critical manner, without ever realizing that I was always only in fact judging myself as the mirror of who and what I have become in fact.

When and as I see myself judging other people that I perceived as narcissistic, egotistical, arrogant and selfish I stop and I breathe – I realize that these judgments are in fact related to me, thus I take the point to ensure that I walk through the prominent patterns wherein such labeled ‘narcissism’ exists, so that others can also have a look at how the Desteni I Process in fact is a pivotal point of supporting ourselves/ one another to face who we are and have become as our mind, with the assistance of a buddy that is essential to begin ‘trapping’ ourselves in our own believed and perceived ‘stability’ as ego and superiority that we tend to create in our minds.

I commit myself to live the realization that all judgment that I create in my mind is always about myself – thus within this, I see and realize that any judgment upon anyone and any aspect of this reality can in fact be exposed to make it evident, yet walked through a process of self-forgiveness and self-corrective application to ensure that we in fact take responsibility for the point of separation of which the judgment stems from. This way we ensure that every ‘spot’ we encounter within/ as ourselves is taken self-responsibility for.

 

I commit myself to expose the so-called mental disorders as labels that only serve to entertain ourselves with apparent ‘dysfunctional minds,’ without understanding who and what we are as the mind.  Thus the commitment lies upon educating myself and others to understand how the mind works in detail and in doing so, ensuring that we in fact create a point of self-stability and self-direction standing one and equal as the mind, the physical, energy and substance within the consideration of what is best for all.

 

I commit myself to exist as a being that regards life in equality within/as everything and all that is here, which sounds ‘cool’ yet requires an actual physical system to implement such ‘view’ and realization of who we are as Life in/ as a new political, economical and social system that will enable beings to realize equality as the only value that is Life, which is how the Equal Money System is the essential platform to live and coexist as equals.

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59: Is the Elite the Only Parasite of the Earth?

 

Perceiving ourselves as ‘handcuffed’ in this world to create a change is a state of victimization wherein we make ourselves believe that ‘we cannot do anything about the world! because ‘others’ are in control!’ – Really? But who has accepted and allowed such ‘control’ in the first place? It is in this state of denial of Self-Responsibility that we have created the world as is: in an absolute crisis that we can only condemn as an act of ‘evil’ that ‘others/ they’ have deployed in realty.

We are prisoners of our own illusions – are these illusions really only ‘illusions’ or are they outflows of acceptances and allowances that have a starting point of and as separation of who we are as one and equals? Is such separation only an illusion then? Why do we get caught up in the characters being played within the global system such as elite/ powerful people doing ‘wrong’ onto others, while we are all Still collectively accepting it as ‘how things are.’ And this is not only a contemporary assessment, one has to have a look at how the cave man operated in order to understand how the drive for power and control did not only emerge with Money – Money is but an outflow of systematizing such power and control as an acceptable way of ‘government’ – Yet, what we are not willing to understand is how such forms of control were actually a way to contain our inherent nature of evil. Who would we be with full ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ in this world? With no laws, no regulations, no form of ‘control’ – We must be Self-Honesty enough to understand that we would have killed each other and the world would be probably fully depleted by now. Not everyone is willing to understand that we are one and equal as the ‘evil’ that we tend to only project to ‘those in power,’ why? Because through accepting ourselves as equally evil to ‘those in power,’ it makes us equally responsible and that is what is mostly avoided to be realized, as that would entail that we can no longer rejoice in ‘blaming others’ for what we are, but we then have to work with the elite, with the poor, with the middle class and realize that we can only create a change in this world if we are all willing to cooperate to create solutions.

 

So, within this: are we willing to open our eyes and realize our Equal Responsibility in this World? The only reason why we could continue blaming an elite is because we are not willing to do the work ourselves, to do what is necessary to be done in order to ‘change the world’ which is first and foremost: changing ourselves, correcting our starting point from blame, justification, excuse and spitefulness to actual one-and-equal understanding that WE would have done exactly the same things if living the life of a person in the ‘elite.’ In the end, you and I having enough money to eat, to have electricity, a computer and enough education to write are well aware that this already makes us part of the Elite against the billions that have nothing of this and are only asking themselves why on Earth no one gives a damn about them.

 

Where Do You Decide to Stand Here?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the ‘greedy’ and ‘rich’ as the elite of the world for being selfish, without realizing how such selfishness is an embedded aspect of ‘human nature’ that we are all responsible for having cultivated and never questioned in reality, only caring for our own survival which I and you also participate in – therefore, I realize that the current state of the world is the accumulation of such oblivious stance toward the world system as ourselves, as our own creation. It is Us individuals that created the system – therefore we can’t blame ‘the system’ for all that we have externalized from how our very own mind works as an occupant of the body that should exist in oneness and equality as and of life.

I realize upon physical-evidence as this world that it is ourselves as the mind who have created the current world system as our ‘image and likeness,’ which makes us all Equally-Responsible for the current crisis, destruction and absolute degradation of life into a world-system of money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame ‘those in power’ as being of ‘sadistic nature’ when in fact, such ‘nature’ is inherent to every single human being on Earth that will do whatever it takes to get the most of the cake, to survive and thrive even if that means abusing another living being to do so – including the Earth’s resources – therefore, I realize that me condemning someone as ‘sadistic’ is placing myself in a puritan pedestal as if ‘I had nothing to do with it’ – in this, victimizing myself, handcuffing myself and choosing to be the ‘abused’ instead of realizing I am one and equal as the abuser, for I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in an essentially sadistic system that reflects us back our own inherent-nature that is running in our heads and that becomes even more evident every time that we try to ‘wash our hands’ from the obvious participation in the same system of abuse.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘the elite’ are hiding their ‘true nature’ behind philanthropist endeavors, without realizing that such ‘true nature’ is equally evil and of absolute self-interest, greed and general disregard toward Life which makes us all fake good-doers that pretend to be ‘right’ and ‘good’ and ‘thoughtful’ – just like a philanthropist – while taking the high stake of being able to judge others for what we would have mostly also done in their shoes, with their money, their education and environment as it is all they ever knew. Within this I realize that the elite person is equally responsible as myself for having accepted and allowed ourselves to believe that only through exerting power over others can we live, which is the first assumption that lead us to create a world system base in inequality and within that, complicating our lives to find seemingly ‘good ways’ to support others, without understanding that Life was never considered in Equality, which lead us to  create a system that didn’t function according to Life itself as a physical reality – but instead, we all agreed to create a system that works only to benefit some while the rest are not considered within the equation – or extremely limited within their benefits – so that there is people willing to do ‘any work’ that those with money won’t be willing to do.

I realize that we have forcibly pushed people to be slaves in order to maintain a system of benefit for a minority and of scarcity and limitation as fear of survival to control, which reveals our ‘true nature’ as human beings that have accepted and allowed this disparity to exist in the first place, in separation of who we really are as life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the Elite for ‘genocidal choices’ without realizing what choice I took as an individual the moment that I accepted and allowed life to be consumed in order to satisfy myself as a mind, as an experience that only seeks its own survival and is evil in nature as the reversed mechanism of transforming life’s substance into energy, as a mere fuel for our reality wherein all that we are constantly fueling is a system of control. This proves that we have been biting our own tail as in consuming ourselves while trying to maintain ‘our lives’ within a system that promotes money as power over life, while it is in fact this fallacy what must be understood as a general acceptance and allowance that has become the very killing-machine that we are all running-as within our very own physical body every single moment that we allow experience to dictate ‘who are’ instead of the physical common sense of all being equally responsible for this world = all having equal ability to stand as the solution.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame politicians, social institutions and any other association with a large budget with the ability to create a change in this world, and believing that “they” are the only ones responsible for the current crisis and problems in the world, without seeing that I accepted and allowed such system to continue ‘as is’ because I saw myself as ‘handcuffed’ and not being able to do ‘anything about it,’ because of thinking that their money makes them ‘more’ and in that, separating myself from who I am as a human being of flesh and bones that is equal to those people who have only used the laws and system to their advantage, which implies that I first had to abdicate my responsibility to allow such system of control to exist in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear control and condemn control, without even understanding what could have happened if our ‘true nature’ – as Evil and absolute negligence toward life – was left ‘unbound’ and without any form of control, which would be certainly a lot worse than it is today, because such inherent nature of selfishness and survivalism is an embedded-aspect of ourselves, regardless of ‘capitalism’ as the point to blame, because the barbaric nature of our being was NOT the result of capitalism, was NOT the result of money –

 

Money, capitalism and the current state of control is but an Outflow of the inherent nature that was born with/as ourselves from the very moment that we emerged as individuals in this existence.

 

This is the type of history that must be taught in our schools, we have been oblivious to it for our entire existence. And, not being willing to Hear while having the means to do so, is a deliberate act of spitefulness, because it is our responsibility to restore the primordial state of Equality and Oneness as Life,  as it had never ever existed before in our reality. This means that our current crisis/ world problems are but the outflows and manifested consequence of an existential accumulation of separation, disregard of one another, wherein we are only willing to point fingers at some equally manufactured ‘controllers’ and ‘people in power’ that in fact were also oblivious to the role they represented as an outflow of us having separated ourselves from each others as life, and in that, becoming just parts that continue the friction and war within  the system of abuse in the name of our personal benefit, in the name of our experience, our ‘life’ based on life’s substance abuse.

 

I commit myself to expose how we tend to only judge the outflows of a system that we have all been equal participants in, wherein judging another for their decisions implies that I am deliberately ignoring my own acceptances and allowances as ‘choices’ made in and of Self-Interest.

 

I commit myself to walk my own process of stopping any form of desire to vindicate my apparent victim-state in a world where I had accepted and allowed myself to see me as ‘inferior’ to the system, as ‘inferior’ to those in power, which implies that I gave then my full permission to not be equally-standing as the responsibility toward the creation of a world-system based on money, where money has not been equated to life, but to an illusion of power over others, which can only be made REAL through Actual Abuse upon life itself.

 

I commit myself to create a world-system based on Life in Equality, of which the starting point is here as myself when I allow myself to stand equal-as-one as ‘those in power’ and realize that the only power that exists for all beings is equally here as breath, and that through debunking the fallacy and illusion of the money as make-believe power, we can get to an equal starting point to realize what is really life, what’s really living once that Money as the illusion that we created to control and separate ourselves is no longer the obstacle between ourselves as life, one and equal.

 

I equalize myself as all perceived ‘external powers’ and realize that all the power that I exist as – along with any other human being- is here as breath where I make sure that all my actions, words and deeds indicate that I am in fact LIVING and not only blaming others for that which I have accepted and allowed to exist in myself as well.

I realize that I will have to work with every being in this world to create an actual change, that includes the Elite – therefore I stop all self-limitations and states of victimizations to instead, be the point of support that can reveal, show and explain how we can only continue living and existing if All is Equally considered in this world. Otherwise, the remaining ‘elite’ will only crash and die without the people that currently ‘do the work’ if they end up with no money, no food as well. We are all equally ‘chained’ here and unless we learn to coexist: we will all die.

 

For further discussions: Equal Money System – vote on the proposals, comment and engage in the ongoing discussions.

 

For individual self-support to understand how we have abdicated our own power and given-into a system of ‘control’ as a reflection of our inability to be self-responsible: Desteni, Desteni I Process and the Forum.

 

 

 

Education about the Money System as the outflow of our inherent ‘nature’

 

Philanthropists and the Reality of this world: The truth that won’t be heard within their lifetimes.

 

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Day 16: Ego-trips of the Heart

We live in a reality wherein we believe we are perfectly flawed by-design, which is what leads us to go seeking relationships to give ourselves some power when the ego trips. Such trips, however can become as toxic as a general addiction that is not supportive yet keeps us preoccupied in our minds as if it was a matter of life and death to get, want, need, desire and even be constantly fantasizing about a ‘becoming more’ by being at the side (expense) of another.

 

And it is this ‘power’ that we seek which we use to drive ourselves to within the ultimate egotistical existence that we’ve made of this world, which is when we are only thinking about ourselves, the satisfaction of our needs, wants and desires wherein all we really care about is creating our little heaven on Earth as a way to simply feel alright and content, which is created by energy that comes from that initial relationships that we exist as toward ourselves and everyone else within: negativity, dissatisfaction, ‘unwholiness’ which becomes this nagging experience of having to ‘fill the hole’ and the commonly accepted and promoted way to do so in our society, which is through establishing relationships. Little did we know that this was the perfect way to establish the necessary traps wherein each person could only exist as the necessary fuel to perpetuate the necessary combustion that would generate the necessary energy for our own mind-traps to exist in this reality.

 

It’s just like how you eat and oxygen ensues the necessary chemical reactions to obtain the nutrients for your body –though in this ego-tripping relationships we’ve formed in our world, such nutrients/ fuel was not at a physical level as self support, but was transformed into fuel to further elevate ourselves and our ego as we would go appraising our ‘value’ according to who we were toward others in our reality.

 

We as society work just like wall street – and we even dare to rejoice in judging wall street for that matter –because we’ve become the exact replica of trading ourselves in the ‘big market’ trying to sell ourselves to the greatest bidder. We have become the ultimate judges that decides who lives and who dies according to ‘how worthy’ / how worthwhile it is to invest on someone that could give me some proper remuneration after some time of capitalizing interest to get the most profit/ benefit from such investment/ relationship.

 

See, we’ve become the perfect money-depictions in our world, which means that we’ve lived as monetary values instead of actual living beings as Life that are able to coexist and relate to each other as equals – oh no, that would have been simply ‘too fulfilling’/ whole/ complete/ stable to ever generate any form of friction which is the only way that energy is created and the element that is required to keep our entire world system running .

 

I am certain that if you are reading about this for the first time, it might be a shock to know that the ‘love’ that you believe you give and receive from others can be equalized to monetary values – well, it’s not really a mystery either considering how because of us depending from money to exist, all our relationships are based on and stemming from the basic – conscious or unconscious – obliged regard toward our basic survival in this world, which is translated to: making sure we have enough money to continue ‘living’ which is the primary point that overrides any other desire or need for that matter which can be regarded as secondary when it comes to relationships.

 

Yes, what does that mean? That all our basic forms of interaction toward others and that which we have regarded as ‘pure’ and ‘innocent’  have in fact been the most suitable means to propitiate a life-long entertainment within a human being’s mind which is: love, relationships, sex and the entire cycle of ego enhancement that goes along with wanting to obtain some form of validation by another human being in this world in order to be ‘worthy of living.’ Is this Really so?

 

What is Ego enhancement other than the build-up of the idea of yourself as your personality, your beliefs, your thoughts, preferences, the entirety of ‘who you are’ which can actually be stopped and walked through a Self-Corrective Process if you are willing in any way to get to know who you really are behind the usual mask that we create to  present ourselves toward ‘others’ in our reality. That in itself, that very act of identifying ourselves as ‘who we are’ according to a single set of values/ preferences/ ideas implies that we are monetizing ourselves as money implies survival and survival is all we have sought for the moment that we are born into a world wherein life is not readily-given, but only earned throughout a process of believing that there is not enough for everyone and that you and ‘I’ must strive to ‘make a living’ in any way.

 

How is that related to seeking for love and a certain sense of fulfillment at a personal level? How else can you sustain such love if it’s not by money that is required by the very basic premise that you would not have anything to eat or time to think about love if the basic needs such as food, water, shelter, clothing and others such as education, proper income and a general stability in your world didn’t exist. Thus, this is to place into perspective how much we have taken for granted the ability to lie to ourselves, deny to ourselves the ability to live as equals simply because of having to feed each other’s obsessions through restricting and framing ourselves in a certain value that is not considering the only value that must exist in this world and existence which is Life – isn’t that the ultimate masochism at an existential level?

 

Yes, for love to exist an initial lack must exist. This initial separation can be labeled in any negative way. I am sure that at some point in your life you’ve hated yourself – in one way or another – and that includes projecting this experience toward the entire world and in that, missing out the basic factor that lead me to ‘hate’ and ‘love’ which is standing within a particular and defined idea of self that can only love or hate if disregarding in such biased filter of reality that there is absolutely much more than just fixating on the idea of a certain experience being fulfilled within unequal relationships.

 

Once this point of Self Honesty acknowledgment is established, it becomes very easy to see how we have fed each other’s beliefs on requiring to exist in relationships to be worthy, to be finally ‘complete’ and in that, miss out the actual trap that was created by and for ourselves which is existing in the name of the current capitalist system.

Who is going to unscrew ourselves from this artificially sweetened ‘lifestyle’? No one else but ourselves, walking through a Process of Self Forgiveness wherein we start living the realization that everything we thought we lacked, we can actually give to ourselves within an equal understanding for all, together.

 

So – if this is understood as a general living condition for all, I am sure that such unusual perspectives upon love and money will come as a necessary link to see how self-interest has become the driving force behind money.

This is how when equalizing ourselves as Life, the existence of money as the epitome of self-interest and greed in humanity must be transformed/ redefined and actually evolve into a sustainable system wherein the one and only value that can ever exist is who we really are as one and equals as Life

 

Equal Money System

Got a heart

Got a Heart? (2003)

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process 

 

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Further Support:

 


Equality debunks Massification

Response to Jessica Fuller

“I agree Ellory…equality is not the same as freedom. After all, Communists aim to make the masses equal.”

Placing the point into context. We are commenting over a fear-mongering article charged with sufficient propaganda to create the belief that living in perpetual fear and masking it with ‘survival skills’ relevant to one’s individual value schemes is something ‘clever’ to do and denoting ‘wisdom in living’ as the ‘voice of experience’ speaks. It is explained how one must ‘survive’ and protect oneself toward an apparent ‘enemy’ which is the system that we’ve created, accepted and allowed. Now within this, there are a set of prejudices that have built the brilliant educational system that is obviously sponsored by and lobbying capitalism as the ‘perfect living condition’ for people in this world. I’ve seen a constant in people’s arguments through these past  years of interacting with comments in our videos and blogs wherein we  present the solution of Equality as the implementation of the Equal Money System.

Freedom has NEVER existed in fact. It was introduced as part of the vocabulary  as an elusive concept that we were taught we had to ‘fight for,’ defend and even ‘die’ for – yet never ‘given’ as an actual living condition from birth for all equally. Look at your revolutions, they never brought any change but only superficial exchange of powers such as the ‘oppressed’ suddenly becoming the ruling class, often leading to worse results than the ones that were initially fought against.  Freedom in this current system is linked to money and money is inherently created upon abuse, therefore there is no freedom whatsoever because ‘None is Free till ALL is Free.’

Let’s look at ‘making the masses equal’ which is a particular usage of words to create the pejorative sense of ‘massification’ which is a term introduced to describe a sense of loss of individualism wherein groups of people could be directed and encompassed as a ‘whole’ with similar behavioral and thinking patterns through the media.  Therefore, isn’t it that we are already living such ‘massification?’ How about realizing that your current ‘equality’ is desiring the same as your neighbor which is achieving to live the ultimate ‘american dream’ that is charged with this idealism of being a ‘unique and special individual’ that seeks the ultimate success as money, sex and everything else that could create a sense of ‘completion’ in a human being’s lifetime.

Look at your adverts – what are they selling you? The image of perfection that makes you keep ‘striving’ to get to such happiness/ love/ bliss/ completion that is, more often than not, never actually fulfilled in a regular mortal’s life. It’s obvious that your ‘communism’ as it’s been taught in educational systems has been satanized and linked to the worst meanings possible for the sake of everyone seeing it as the ultimate ‘control,’ without ever being able to look back at ourselves and realize that we have accepted that very same  form of control, indoctrination and fascism wrapped up with false-flags of freedom and justice for all – none of them real in any way whatsoever and we only require to look at the world as proof of what I am describing here.

No one is free, we’re all abound to the same monetary system that is absolutely based on abuse and inequality, the inequality that we’ve accepted as part of the brainwashing wherein we believe that we have to ‘strive’ to get a decent living condition and that it is ‘okay’ to have over a billion beings starving in the world. This is all unacceptable and must be exposed for the propaganda it has been to determine a general social, economical and political structure designed to keep some people invariably disenfranchised so that there is always someone ‘willing to do the work’ that no one else wants to do out  of sheer necessity = extreme survival mode lived as the now friendly-named ‘modern day slavery’ which is just blatant slavery, another proof that evolution has not taken place in this world either.

“I also agree that we are responsible for ourselves. Buddhism, arguably the most peaceful religion out of all the major religions of the world, advocates that the only way you can influence lasting positive change is to begin with oneself. The New World Order has it’s talons deep in the world and it has been digging them deeper and deeper for decades…possibly even 100s to thousands of years depending how far into conspiracies you are willing to look.”

Peace is resisting war – peace is created out of the concept and acceptance of war itself in the first place. If you understand Buddhism, in common sense you will see that it promoted passivity and a general mode of observance/ detachment wherein people were never challenged to create a solution for this world; instead they were left to ‘meditate’ and ‘surrender’ to this world, taking on a light blindfold and remaining in a ‘blissful’ experience without even caring to look at how just by the mere fact of existing in this world, they were equally responsible to the ‘human condition’ that has never been ‘best for all’ or a harmonious one. Therefore Buddhism is another form of brainwashing wherein it is easy to ‘detach’ ourselves to ‘avoid suffering,’ yet the suffering remains ‘here’ and is not dealt-with. You ‘turn off your mind’ and pretend that everything is fine even though  ‘trying to keep the thoughts away’ is the first point that is being fought against when seeking such ‘peace of mind’ that is so revered and popular nowadays, it’s just another form of mental morphine to sedate ourselves from the problems that are existing in this world.

We begin with ourselves, yes, that is the principle. Yet the starting point must not be that of ‘existing in bliss’ or creating a false sense of ‘stability’ as a mind generated experience that can only exist at an individual level. It is only kept in place by the person  having to constantly turn off/ shut down the mind without actually daring to see and reveal what is existent within and in doing so, face the reality that we’ve become as our minds to walk an actual process of self correction.

I once tried ‘stilling the mind’ and entire Zen approach to life – I became so frustrated because I suppressed myself every time that I reacted within my mind that raced with thoughts and emotions that I could not ‘externalize’ and face, but simply shoved away.  It is in fact a process to create our inner demons because it all goes back into our head where it regurgitates and becomes backchat. This way we simply chew our own cud up there in our head without ever daring to speak it out and face what such drivel is revealing of ourselves.

It is only through the process of Self Forgiveness that I got to understand how we have to first allow ourselves to know ourselves, get to understand how our mind works through writing and speaking. From there the process of Self Forgiveness is taking Self-Responsibility on every statement wherein we recognize what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be/ become in separation of who we are as Life as Equals. Self Forgiveness is the only application – after many attempts to live through other various practices, philosophies and beliefs – that has enabled me to support myself and others equally by standing within one single and basic principle which is the principle that we are promoting as the base and foundation for a new system in this world: Equality as Life.

Common sense which is ‘what’s best for all’ becomes the constant measuring/ reference point to direct ourselves as our thoughts, words and deeds in our reality. This is how we begin with ourselves because we understand that we are the creators of this world and we cannot possibly look at ‘solving/ changing the world’ without first daring to look at ourselves and understanding what exists within us as our own mind. That’s the first point of Self-Responsibility.

‘The New World Order’ is as real as you want to believe it is in a similar way to the belief system we’ve accepted as our current monetary system. From my perspective it is no different to say ‘new world order’ or ‘capitalism’ or ‘socialism’ as any form of government and control over population imposed by a ruling class is equally deceptive and abusive. Hence I could say that we have existed within a perpetual ‘world order’ that has been based on the polarization of society, the survival of the fittest, the perpetuation of power for only a few that have become those that have set the rules of ‘who you are’ and ‘what you think’ currently, the same elusive ideals discussed at the beginning. They have cleverly designed the entire conspiracy theory point as their own way to entertain ‘the masses’ while igniting their sense of ‘indignation,’ yet continuing to accept a ludicrous monetary system that is certainly a point that is urgent to take self-responsibility for as every moment that we use it, we are existing in that tacit agreement for all the abuse and inequality that money is creating.

“Sitting in a circle signing “Kum-ba-ya” and discussing ideologies while plotting a peace plan celebrating equality will get us nowhere. It’s too late for all that.”

I certainly agree. Though I wouldn’t only judge people singing and praying or meditating – which are similar ways of neglecting the world – but also people that sit around watching TV consuming everything that the media says which is in fact the very artifact used for indoctrination and control to generate the necessary ‘massification’ to keep everyone well enter.tamed. What about people sitting around in their opulent international conventions to create “solutions for the world” year after year? They are also discussing only ideologies without getting anywhere. What about people discussing only about their dreams, desires and ‘pursuit of happiness’ around coffee tables? Isn’t that also part of talking about personal ideologies getting nowhere which in fact keep the current system in place because one will do ‘anything necessary’ to achieve ‘one’s dreams’ while disregarding the rest of the world. The pursuit of happiness is our demise and that’s why we must stop all forms of delusions to any form of ‘celebration’ – there is only people selling you the false sense of ‘freedom of choice’ and a ‘peace of mind’ that will run out the very first moment that you are confronted with your own feelings  and emotions and don’t know ‘how to deal with them’ other than shoving them under the rug, pretending once again that ‘everything is fine.’

There can be no celebration of Equality in this world as it has never existed – anyone claiming to do so is then in a self-brainwashing session that must be immediately stopped and exposed for the fallacy it represents.

“Now is the time to accept that life as we know it is about to change in a drastic fear-inspiring way and we might as well learn to protect ourselves and plan for the worst so that we can survive in order to join together and fight back. When you plan for the worst and the best happens then you may enjoy a pleasant surprise. When you plan for the best and the worst happens, you end up having your ass handed to you.”

I wouldn’t necessarily say that it will be in an ‘inspiring’ way. I haven’t found any ‘inspiration’ in this world other than death and destruction for creative processes –  if you are talking about that type of inspiration here. We are way overdue to accept and understand the fact that we require to stop living in our individual bubbles of self-indulgence wherein we’ve become so used to ‘the world as it is’ with its ‘flaws and charms,’ without ever really daring to question WHY we have accepted the world as it is and HOW we are all equally responsible for the current conditions of abuse we’ve imposed on to ourselves and everything here.

This world is already drastically changing indeed and the level of extinction of fauna and flora is a measuring point that gives us direct feedback of the level of destruction we’ve generated while following our dreams and desires, doing ‘everything we can’ to make an ideal imposed by the media and ‘education’ that began at home, our reality. We learned that we had to become ‘successful’ and reaching the ultimate state of ‘happiness’ and ‘success’ which is as elusive as the concepts of freedom, free-will, bliss, love, justice and any other concept that has been imprinted as ‘ideals’ that have never been lived as the actual agreements and relationships applied toward each other.

We’ve been living in a sugar coated reality of which the inside is starting to rot  and the pungent smell is seething out, reaching those that had lived in perpetual ‘safety nets’/ personal heavens where ‘everything is fine,’ which is how this type of articles are now ‘hitting home’ for many that used to boast on living in ‘the land of the free. ‘ And this must not be understood only as a criticism toward the ‘American Dream’ as we – people in the rest of the world – have managed to accept and copycat the same standards and general aims promoted by the capitalist system (American Dream.) Therefore we are all equally part of keeping our own trap in place.

Preparing for the ‘worst case scenario’ shouldn’t come with an expectation of having a ‘pleasant surprise’ as expectations are usually forms of self sabotage wherein you would then require a second ‘bail out’ to a second-layer of ‘worst case scenario’ in case you don’t get your ‘pleasant surprise’ in place. It’s very clear here how we have conditioned our self-movement, actions and self-direction upon having a controlled outcome or at least a general ‘outline’ of what we will be ‘getting’ wherein we are able to be rewarded. This is how we have always sought to ‘get something’ in exchange, we are always seeking to win and ‘overcome’ whatever adversity we have accepted and allowed as real in the first place, which can only be ourselves fighting back at us.

‘Fighting back’ is the recurred usage of words to abdicate self-responsibility and view ‘them’ as some form of ‘evil’ and ‘enemy’ outside of ourselves. In this we are in fact denying our responsibility within the creation of this current social, economical and political structure wherein we have neglected the fact that we can create a sustainable form of supporting ourselves as Equals, just as it always should have been.

Protectionism is fear based and is  another form of control to keep ‘the masses’ peacefully believing they are ‘saving their ass’ while diminishing their ability to respond– take self-responsibility – for the current conditions we are living in as the world – this means that it is the perfect implementation of ‘divide and conquer.’ People in power have obviously learned this point very well wherein they will stimulate your fear/desire of survival as ‘protectionism’ and promote it as a way to ‘guard yourself and those that you love,’  either family or friends usually, which will create a false sense of comfort based on ‘protecting’ yourself from a perpetual evil that has been self created all along.

When we break-through fear, we become actual stronger beings. This is exactly what people don’t want to realize because the more we see and open our eyes to the reality we have accepted, the easier it will be to realize that we have been brainwashed all this time and that  we can in fact create a change by the single fact of having been living in a system based on blatant lies and abuse for such a long time without ever pondering ‘why’ we are living in such disparity, suffering and abuse if the Earth and what is here is not charging us at all for what we eat and require to live.

The only motivation must be based on Equality as the realization of who I really am, and this ‘I’ includes all as one as equal – though this is not to get all emotional and sympathetic, it’s an actual realization that I am equally responsible for everything in this world: the abuse, the negligence toward all other life forms, the disregard of realizing that every other human and living being is also myself as well as the acceptance and absolute compliance to the current system which is capitalism.

Now within this context, denigrating Equality to a form of ‘massification’ can only reveal a lack of understanding of what the word implies as a living realization of who we really are. This is not a problem because we were all in the very same condition after having been equally brainwashed by our so-called authorities in this world – parents, teachers and the general structure of this world- as well as the money that dictates how everything moves, who lives and who dies.

Any proposal presented by someone and it’s not based in common sense, will pose a threat to humanity instead of an actual solution – this is by simple deduction.  (If it’s not advocating best for all then there is a set of special conditions applied only for some = separation.)

I invite you and anyone reading this to take a moment to learn about what I am saying here, check out the links below which are two websites that will change your life if you have agreed with some or all of the points I’ve exposed in this blog.

I don’t speak for ‘myself’ only, I speak and direct myself within the common sensical perspective that anyone could express in equality just by the fact of being another living being in this world. This  is how we measure our equality,  see for yourself.

http://www.destonians.com

http://www.desteni.org

http://www.equalmoney.org

http://wiki.destonians.com

words


Rewards and the gore of Glory

reward
n    noun a thing given in recognition of service, effort, or achievement.
a fair return for good or bad behavior.
a sum offered for the detection of a criminal, the restoration of lost property, etc.
n    verb give a reward to. show one’s appreciation of (an action or quality) by making a gift.
(be rewarded) receive what one deserves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live as a system of rewards wherein all actions, thoughts and spoken words that I expressed have been exerted from the starting point of seeking a reaction, seeking a reward as that fulfilling experience that ‘makes me feel good’ which is nothing else but a confirmation of existing as the mind and ego wherein we then give into valuing and worthing ourselves according to such such reactions and responses within the justification and curse of action of ‘reaping what you sow’ with an added self interest and not only within the single realization of being contributing to what creates what’s best for all – I stop from supporting and existing within/as a system that doesn’t know how to move without getting something in exchange.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define and measure myself according to what others say and react to in relation to what I place as a point of stimuli seeking reactions within words, images, actions – within this being part of the machinery that runs in this system wherein we follow adds and beliefs that will give us the ‘most reward’, the ‘greatest feeling/experience’ which only focuses on enhancing an ego-experience instead of supporting self movement without seeking something in exchange –

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of reward/ seeking recognition/ seeking personal-glory the single motif to move instead of having made myself the single starting point and end point of my thoughts, words, deeds as part of the self-creative process in equality, wherein there is nothing to earn, noting to lose, no superlatives to create as I realize that it is the very system of values that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to exist as that perpetuates the current world system that lives in separation of self-worth, self-value as LIFE itself. I stop from participating within this continuous search and quest for obtaining a reward, a confirmation that feeds only the ego of the mind and not all that is here in equality as common sense.

 

I place myself in the position of being the cause and end of whatever I say, do and speak meaning, this will be an accumulative process for all equally and not to feed my ego/mind/ idea of self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having been motivated to excel in school for the sake of ‘feeling good’ for ‘having done well in school’ which would then place me in a place of honor wherein everyone wanted to be in ‘my place’ and within this, tacitly accepting that there would be those ‘below me’, those that hadn’t been ‘good enough’ to be next to me which developed a sense of injustice that I could not understand at that time yet within this accepting and allowing  the system of winning and losing as if it was something that I had to accept to be ‘proud ‘of conquering.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of this life an eternal game of winning and losing, of fighting to ‘keep my place’, of creating endless rivalries towards others for the sake of keeping myself ‘on top’ wherein there would then be those that were below and within this, accepting and allowing to trigger reactions within me and others due to the segregation and discrimination that such ‘honors’ create when being in school.  This must stop as part of the schooling system and must be seen for what it is: a harmful way of creating ‘incentives’ for kids to learn and excel in school.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept any form of reward as a child for ‘getting good grades’ wherein I accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel good’ for having obtained such first places which ‘made me happy’ because it made my parents happy and I would be able to obtain stuff from it which then would make this the point of motivation in separation of myself, even if I would deny the ‘reward’ at times, in the back of my head it felt good.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to walk in zig-zag going back and forth between wanting to be recognized and then being embarrassed or not wanting to be ‘seen’ and thus hide or pretend to be humble while in fact, the thought and experience that would come with the multiple recognitions became part of ‘who I was’ which even if I denied to a certain extent, it became part of the self-worth and how I would perceive myself as a human being.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever feel ‘bad’ about getting recognitions because of going into thoughts of what others/those that didn’t ‘win’ would be thinking about me and my position and within this, fearing being envied and fearing being later on ‘hated for being perfect’ as this is in fact what I had to walk through when going to school.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny such rewards later on yet secretly rejoicing and feeling good about having created a ‘good impression’ within people according to being someone that would always get ‘the first places’ wherein I would then give into the polarity of feeling bad for those that couldn’t have it easy in school – within this never actually questioning why there had to be such obnoxious ‘displays of ego’ as honor-spots for getting ‘good grades’ wherein I learned what it is to envy, what it is to be envied and within this allowing myself to be extremely hurt when people around me would desire to be in my spot and I would then become ‘ashamed’ of having such distinction/separation which led me to rejecting being in such a  conflictive position which I then developed into closing myself off due to fearing ‘overshadowing others’.

It is now clear how this single point developed as a form of desire/rejection of being recognized / seeking recognition wherein in this attempt to ‘equalize’ myself to those that I was taught were ‘less fortunate’ than myself, I engaged in relationships with people that were mostly the opposite of what I was in school which is the ‘me’ that I sought to escape away from, resulting in the creation of a more radical personality, not knowing how to direct my inconformity with the world that would value and worth you according to how obedient you were towards the system. All of this caused extensive inner conflict which I then translated into seeking spirituality, drugs or relationships wherein I could apparently worth/value myself for ‘who I really am’ which was mostly the idea that I created of myself in opposition to the one personality that stood as an ‘A’ Student and an ‘example for all’ to follow’, which bred the same system of comparison instead of simply supporting each other to become equal in potential to be/become what’s best for all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed a system of rewards and punishment as schooling system wherein you get a point of ‘distinction’ that instead of encouraging someone to ‘become better’ it might turn the other way around when not being supported effectively to become equal to our fullest potential – within this instead of motivating kids/ people, we seclude ourselves into eternal comparison and constant rivalry of winning and losing that only feeds the ego of the mind .

This is how parents, teachers literally supported my delusion of being special, of being quite a ‘unique student’ and thus as a result triggering extensive envy and rejection from my fellow school mates which then lead me to go through extensive suffering for having being bullied as a ‘smart ass’ and suffering the envy of those that I deemed my ‘best friends’. It was quite harsh at that time, being 6/7 years old and realizing that your so called best friends could literally turn their back against you in one moment, I just couldn’t understand it. Later on the same people would simply be fed up by the recognition I’d get which lead to further comparisons that made me wonder why on Earth isn’t everyone able to just ‘be a s good in school’ – you know, sometimes we only see the one ‘fucked up side of the coin’ without pondering on how it obviously also gets to affect those who are seemingly ‘on top’ – it did create quite an inner conflict, yet I didn’t give that up because I still held myself as that requirement to ‘excel’.

Sustaining an ‘ego-status’ in this world is linked to money = sustaining the system of greed as ourselves. 

When we are in school we are taught to compete against each other for the ‘first place’, for being ‘the best in our class’ as this will ensure that, as we grow up, we enter the system living out the point of ‘I must beat the other to get the best job/place in society wherein I can make the most money’ and within this competitiveness is bred, ensuring a false sense of improvement that only provides fresh never ending energy placed into the attainment process of such ‘powerful/ superior’ position. I forgive myself that I have accepted this very single act of separation and value over Life itself to become the single mechanism of how this world operates, disregarding Life and everyone as equal.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to judge my classmates that would tell me how they wanted to get my cardex to show it off to their parents so they could get awesome stuff as a reward for them getting excellent grades in school without realizing that within me having accepted such rewards in any form – either money stuff or single remarks of ‘achievement’ I was in essence complying to creating my self-worth and value according to such rewards obtained by others.

This entire pedestal position bothered me as much as I would react when not getting such recognition – This entire conflict here was implanted at an early age by the single acceptance of giving value to myself according to how obedient and how ‘well’ I did in school which I was taught would be the ‘value of my life/ who I am’ which I accepted as real and thus, continued placing effort into being a ‘good student’ for the sake of maintaining a reputation and a certain status that as much as I said I loathed, I would also enjoy due to then being able to stand as a ‘special person’, being acknowledged by others within that and enhancing a sense of popularity  – this encouraged my beliefs and ideas of being someone ‘unique’ yet remaining within the same conflict of ‘why can’t everyone have it as easy as well?’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I always had to get a reward for anything I did or say towards others and basing my existence on the quality and nature of such rewards wherein I could confirm that ‘I am accepted/worthy/ valuable person’ or ‘Rejected/ unworthy/ invaluable’ based on what others could assess and say about me according to the system standards that I have tacitly accepted and allowed my the single allowance of identifying myself as such attributes and qualifications.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to delegate such power to others without realizing that this is the very way I learned to ‘exist’ in this world from an early age wherein every time I didn’t get the recognition I wanted, whenever I didn’t get the attention required, I would resort into further seclusion and hostility, a form of anger for having delegated who I am as only being this ‘excellent student’ which lead me to retreat and seek other ways of recognition wherein the apparent ‘intelligence/smartness’ I had would take no place in defining ‘who I am’ – within this seeking the studies and careers wherein I could essentially deviate as much as possible from using what I understood then as intelligence and my ‘natural abilities’ which were part of the preprogrammed assets that create extensive inequality in this world.  I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be defined by preprogramming and limit/ seclude myself further by wanting to oppose such programming yet never actually realizing I did as I was meant to do which was the single point of conflict that would ensure I would remain in eternal conflict towards myself, my position and the world instead of focusing on creating me from a new-starting point wherein I can take what I am effective at and optimize myself in all other points wherein I perceived myself to be flawed.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to play such a role of always being ‘on top’ and ‘recognized’ to the point of creating myself as the type of affable personality wherein I could then seek to be worthy and recognized according to my personality, likes and dislikes. This lead me to then seeking the opposite as in seeking to create a ‘new me’ based not on these previous self-definitions but instead seeking worth and value  by people that were not familiar with ‘who I was’ in school. Within this I didn’t realize how in my attempt to spite the system, to spite my family and everyone around that held this idea of myself as intelligent/good person/ responsible, I spited myself wherein I allowed myself to indulge into things that I wouldn’t have done if I hadn’t been driven by an ego that sought to redeem itself from an early accepted and allowed position. Within this creating conflict only for myself and seeking to go ‘against the tide’ for the sake of redeeming myself as the other side of the coin.

 

It is only now that my preprogramming is challenged that I can see how fear was an obvious drive to do and be what I was, even if I talked myself into believing I was doing it for myself, it was also for the sake of keeping that ego wherein as much as I believed myself to ‘not care’ about such positions, I would and within this create a sense of acceptance or rejection by others.

 

I had almost forgotten how this single point of being accepted/ rejected was so draining, we literally spent our lives trying to be accepted, acknowledge and get a certain position as a ‘reward’ to our application, to our effort, doing it for all and everything else but ourselves – or even if the ‘I do it for myself part’ it was never truly unconditional.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to only act based on ‘what I will earn’ instead of every having actually directed myself to do and be something – I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be unconditional in my expression but always expecting a single point of confirmation that I exist, fulfilling within this the sense of  the ‘me’ that exists as a a mind consciousness system that is constantly seeking to feed itself to keep existing.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the idea of a heaven wherein I would be rewarded for having been a ‘good person’ in this life – with this single belief accepting the soul-system as the determining factor of my good or bad karma as the ability to decide whether I had been ‘good’ or ‘bad ‘ and decide accordingly the type of experience I’d get after I died which implied I believed in an afterlife wherein all my actions, words and deeds would be reviewed by a ‘superior’ and then give me the ‘eternal life’ accordingly.

 

Within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to shape and mold myself according to ‘how the system works’ and accepting that for everything and anything I do I must obtain something back in ‘equal worth/value’ to that which I am giving away hence never actually being unconditional within what I said, did, wrote.

This idea created yet another conflict because apparently I learned that not asking for anything in return was something actually ‘stupid’ to do – then if asking ‘too much’I’d feel ‘guilty’  due to the same acceptance of the current system wherein everything I’ve got has a certain value which is all linked ultimately to money.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to live in a system of compensation and punishment which stand as the polarity of judging our actions as ‘good/worthy’ or ‘bad/ inadequate’ which we then accepted as ‘who we are’ and allowed myself to be defined accordingly within the world system that stands as a hierarchical system wherein the more you comply to god/ the system, the better position and compensations you have – and instead accepting and approving the fact that those that stood outside of the norm should get punished and eventually denied any sense of self-worth.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to stand in one side of the pole that ensured that the rest could virtually not obtain the same results I had as no two bodies could occupy the same space and within this, accepting the fact that another had to be on top and another below.

 

I can say that I continued with such application of ‘being a good student’ throughout my latest studies in art school – though the starting point changed, it wasn’t for the sake of obtaining a number but simply doing what I required to do as part of school, taking responsibility for what needs to be done. This is something that I would explain to people when they would ask ‘how do you do it’? I saw that many were motivated by getting some reward by teachers, parents and the system, I would simply reply that this was the single point of responsibility I had and so I simply did what had to be done.

So, acting from the starting point of ourselves is one challenge in a world built-up as a system of rewards, yet this can be changed within ourselves in allowing us to see the starting point of why we speak, write, share, do and direct ourselves in everything we do from a common-sense starting point of being a single supportive point for self-realization, for self-equalization as Life in all ways. This can be done so, let’s walk as it.

 

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                  Stopping the hierarchy within the system begins with ourselves


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