Category Archives: Career Choice

429. What Relationships Can Be In This World

I just remembered how when I was growing up and going through school, I saw the disparity that existed between people. I used to be the one that would always get it ‘all right’ and it truly saddened me to see that others could see themselves as not being able to do something, getting sad and nervous because of not being able to achieve something or perform in something, or perceiving themselves as not good enough or simply truly weren’t able to create a certain outcome for themselves: a project, an exam, a task, understanding some kind of exercise in any subject. In this, within reflecting about what we truly need to create in this world, common sense dictates that it is definitely not a series of relationships based on competition, comparison, wanting to be ‘on top of others’ or deliberately sabotage others in order to perceive oneself to be ‘winning’ – and the same goes for the opposite side where we deliberately sabotage ourselves, set ourselves to lose and become plainly apathetic, angry or depressed about virtually everything, not wanting to live –  instead, I consider that creating relationships of mutual support  is what is needed in our world.

I read the other day someone’s post where they pointed out how there is a ‘life coach for almost everything nowadays,’ which is so in an era where anything can be turned into a business – yes, virtually anything – and so the person concluded  that each one should instead be their own life coach. I wholeheartedly agree on the latter since the whole problem in this world is that we have become blind by our consent and led to the slaughterhouse with tricks and gimmicks that we wholly bought into, because we didn’t know any other form of self-respect – we can forgive ourselves for that… But, the point of applying any form of self-support and self-improvement is to eventually get to a point where one does not depend on any other person to get to see the common sense in any situation, to get to learn to trust oneself, to learn to make decisions, to face the mistakes and consequences, essentially to learn how to live, how to motivate oneself without expecting the carrot on the stick the next moment and reach one’s utmost potential within the consideration and foundation of what is best for all – whichever this potential/expression may be for each person in their lifetime.  

However, throughout these years I learned that we are unfortunately not born with an intrinsic set of abilities, considerations and realizations to become this self-improved version of oneself from the get-go. I wish it was like that, that we had common sensical parents, education systems, families, media, politicians, entertainment and the whole rest of things and people that we are influenced by and consume throughout our lifetime, having little to no reference of how things could be ‘better.’ And if it was so that one we didn’t need  to learn or support ourselves from others, it would be obvious by now: we would not have the mess of the world we have now, let me fine tune that: the mess of the people we have become in this world.

So, I then reflected on myself. Sure, I had some ‘qualities’ that people in the system would have regarded as ‘remarkable’ but none of it was of factual substance, it didn’t benefit anything or anyone but a ‘mark’ on myself and my ego. Any personal success sure felt ‘good’ but at the same time it felt completely contrived, my life was not satisfying even if ‘I had a good life.’ So what was really missing? Well every time I looked around and saw that this reality of ‘success in all’ didn’t exist to everyone, available for everyone, I would get depressed and sad because come on! who the hell can enjoy the sight of misery? No one in their common 5 senses. 

When I started walking this process 8 years ago now, I realized that the much hoped for ‘change in the world’ that I expected to be created or emerge by the hand of some ‘god’ or ‘force of nature’ out there, had to be in fact started by myself, by supporting me and allowing myself to actually be supported by others that were doing the same for themselves. This is in fact the greatest gift I was able to give to myself when it was made available as such – as it is currently now for everyone that wants to support themselves as well – unconditionally, with no second agendas other than applying the principle of what it means to be ‘one and equal’ in fact, of understanding the necessity we all have to stand up, assist ourselves to become the best versions we can be of ourselves and so, change the world.

Would I have been able to immediately, without any help/support, be able to ‘stand up’ within myself and now stand as support for others too?  Absolutely and honestly, no. I was too emotional to have been able to see past those experiences and discover my inner strength, to realize what I was in fact able and capable of being in my life, which has been possible throughout this process which does involve having other people being there for you to assist us, to suggest directions, to remind ourselves of what we may already be aware of at some level but haven’t been paying enough attention to realize that we do have a potential to be this best version we can of ourselves, we just have covered it up with fears, beliefs, judgments, opinions, ideas, distorted and often disrespectful imaginations of ourselves. This is where I realized that I in fact needed that helping hand, and how grateful I am for it because I would not be who I am now If I hadn’t made the decision to walk this process, to actually join a group of self-support and let go of all of my fears or ideas that I had related to ‘being part of a group of self-support’ no matter how hard it was to let go of my idea that ‘I could do it by myself’ too, which I’ve realized is mostly ego at times when I know and have from time to time reference how supportive it always is to have another pair of eyes and ears to reference one’s choices and decisions in life.

What I understood from the first day I decided to in essence walk this process and change my life, is that I wanted to be able to assist in this process of ‘changing the world’ by changing ourselves. I wanted to be part of the team of people that could in the same way that I was being assisted to stand up for once and for all, also assist others in doing the same in their lives. Today me and the same group of people that have walked this process for over 8 years together, were reflecting about how satisfying it is to actually assist oneself and assist others to become ‘the better version of themselves they can be’ or ‘to reach their utmost potential,’ in essence, to become part of that change that we so dearly want to create in this world.

I can honestly say that I had not realized how I am in fact doing what I have been seeking to do since I was a very little girl. I tried helping people with studying and learning stuff, since that’s what I was programmed to be ‘good at’ I guess, but that’s not really something entirely useful for the rest of our lives. Assisting another to actually develop their inherent abilities and qualities to live life to the best of each one’s ability and become an extra-ordinary person is definitely something that is in all sense of the word, priceless and fully satisfying.

So, I mentioned how it would be awesome if we all had relationships in this world that were as supportive as the ones that we have between ourselves as a group of self-support. And the reality is that: we can! We only have to make the decision to do so, all that it takes is first doing this for ourselves, to be humble enough to realize: yes, I require some support, I can benefit from some assistance in learning how to support myself, to direct myself to eventually be trusting myself to not only keep doing this for me, but also extend this support to others. I also understand that some people can have the capacity, skills and general discipline it takes to do this for yourself, to be your own ‘life coach’ if you will: my hats off to them if they truly consider they can do it by themselves… but I can only speak for my life and the situations where I had to be humble enough to realize: I needed some help because I was a bit lost at the time.  And! it is an ongoing process, because it’s a continuous feedback loop to learn from, to nurture ourselves from each other and from whichever each one lives in our day to day.

This is not just buying or paying for a service that you get as a form of therapy, this is not a one person you don’t know that gets to listen to you for hours. I as many others involved in supporting other individuals, in fact walk with one another side by side, as equals in the process  – we do this because we not only understand that everyone at some point in their lives need a hand, need some support, need some guidance, but also because we understand that if we have an ultimate view of this world being able to be something better than what it is now, we don’t have to go that far to try and ‘change the world’ as an unintelligible mess, but to rather take the first steps and start with ourselves, one by one. It is also because it is part of living the principles that I decided to align myself in this life: do onto others as you’d like to be done onto you. And in a more directive manner as it happened to me: do to others what others unconditionally have done in support of you and your life in this world. This is invaluable.

The relationships created with this group of people I work/communicate with are something that I would not change for the world. It is not just a one way ‘coach-trainee’ relationship, it is not a leader-follower relationship, it is beyond that. It is about human beings that decide to assist and support each other for an entire lifetime if needed until the person stands in self-trust and sufficient confidence so that they now can be a pillar of support and assistance to others that are equally willing to assist and support themselves. This is not a facilitator-receiver process only, this is one deciding to get involved with the person in a process where through communication, week after week, throughout years,  a real bond is created, an actual care for another is developed, ensuring that one is there as a point of reference when our compass seems to get a lost and continue to support in the development of all the qualities and skills that each person discovers they can bring forth or create as part of this self-creative path.

This is the process of weaving the relationships, the community, the network of people that are and will continue to change the way that we live in this world, and so change it in fact.  This is the real reward: not money, not recognition, not ‘feeling good’ only for a moment or positive highs, or relationships of monetary interest, not at all. This is the actual creative process for a person to realize who they really are and can be in this life not only for themselves, but for the common good of everyone and everything else, while developing relationships with people from around the world for a lifetime. That’s what real friendships and relationship should be about in my humble opinion.

I dare you to find this out for yourself.

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.

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405. Culture: the Clockwork of our Psychosphere

 We may not change culture overnight, but we certainly CAN begin changing the way that we live and participate in it.

 

Continuing from:

 

  Seeing it from this perspective to me is quite supportive to ponder ‘twice’ any time I go to watch a film or see any works of art and remind myself that what I see is not special, not unique, it won’t give me a ‘breakthrough’ in itself and so stop for once and for all that ‘seeking’ mentality which is more like a habit from the past as I am certainly not looking for any ‘truths’ in it any longer once I have realized I created my own mythology with my art as well, without realizing that there’s nothing new under the sun and that we all use the same symbols and images so it’s just arranging it in a different way to create some meaning and give continuation to the stories – lies – we have been telling to ourselves as human beings to make us more godly or divine, at least that’s what the ‘art role’ was meant to be according to what is taught in academy. Yes, though once you start finding out the nature of such ‘god’ and such elites, well, let’s just say that art can be reduced as well to the most refined form of propaganda of course and now I understand why I had such a hard time realizing that all art had been previously entirely devoted to promote religion or immortalize monarchs or peasants to remind ourselves ‘this is how it’s always been like’ in the absence of the eye that can lie as well as the photographic camera, but hey every age requires its own cementation in our minds through pictures and words, so art served that function.

 

If anything, art has been used to impose symbols, to enslave – hence the ‘mythical’ start of it for magic-religious purposes. Gee, only now I kind of realize the pieces of my puzzle and the absolute diversion I delved myself into, no wonder I was seeking gods in pictures, symbols or philosophies – all part of the ‘inherent’ (read: preprogrammed) need to have someone/something greater than us to make responsible for this entire creation – so, religion is one of the primary mind constructs we all exist as, whether you are atheist or not, it’s part of the unconscious the same way that we believe that fighting for our lives is something that makes sense, or how the rich and the poor is how things have always been and always will be. Art then became the necessary imposition of images to perpetuate religious mentality for the purpose of pacifying/stupefying and sedating individuals while threatening with the ‘wrath of god’ if anyone dared to step outside of the line – well, it was religion back in the day but now it’s just alcohol, drugs, sports, entertainment and big pharma too, but that’s our contemporary story.

 

So, it’s taken me some time to find ‘more reasons’ to write about this art subject and it’s interesting how I had to use other pieces of information to break my own spell, meaning, having to let go of the idea of art as something ‘really human’ or else, as if it was more ‘true’ than anything else we do or say, which can’t be so, because everything we have ever thought, done, spoken comes from who we are as the mind and so we have only learned how to regurgitate the same ‘system’ into pictures, ideas, stories and so reinforce our own cages, which is why understanding one’s enslavement makes it easier to let go of anything one is holding onto from ‘the past’ which is the current automated reality we are living in – it is once again to remind myself that no matter how ‘majestic’ something might look like, it was never meant to glorify or represent life or principles of equality at all, but rather the opposite.

 

An example: writers were contracted to be informed about which topics to write upon, such as space travel, futuristic technocracies, alien invasions and so with doing this, begin an entire new ‘wave of thought’ in the society through these inoffensive tools called books that then eventually turned into movies. The same with films which are formulas to instigate a particular line of thinking and making of the main topics in them something acceptable as part of culture/what goes on in our minds as well – just as it’s happened with porn appearing on ‘mainstream movies’ nowadays as well as sadomasochism made ‘cool’ and we’re on our way to make of pedophilia and all kinds of paraphilias something ‘acceptable’ so that younger generations get the idea that ‘it is okay to have sex with older people.’ This is the current nature of our culture and where we are heading to.

 

Clockwork 2003

 

 

Once again, are we only revealing and making acceptable what always has existed within us as human beings, or are we instilling new behaviors through our culture? I’d say both since we create such fixations in our minds and we simply evolve the experiences to have new contexts, new ‘ideas’ to fantasize upon and so ‘upgrade’ the experience. In the mind we function as addicts that get our ‘fix’ from having something to think about or fantasize about and the initial experiences can get us to quite a ‘high’ but then, we continue ‘pushing the envelope’ because once the energetic reaction becomes normalized (you build resistance) one seeks a greater dose. This is what I see is what we’ve all been following in the media until it becomes absolutely unsustainable or else, what is left there to continue ‘pushing the envelope’ when it comes to our celebritism? To our ‘art’? to our films other than rehashing the same stories over and over again?

 

 

Why do I see this as a very relevant topic? Because I can see myself as a product of the ‘culture’ I decided to immerse myself in, and I mean this as an actual decision I made in my teenage years to soak up the most information about music, books, arts so that I could work on that – why did this happen? It clearly happened after 2001 and the almost paranoid reaction I had toward keeping myself high on CNN watching every detail and every move after 9-11– lol just like those elections where Bush wasn’t able to be clearly defined as the next president and you’d ponder WHY was I watching that? Well, it was my idea then of becoming politically involved. But after realizing the scam it was, I then veered toward that which I thought was more liberating: arts. My very relationships and career decisions were entirely shaped by every single book I read within the starting point of finding some kind of ‘truths’ in them, seeking to identify ‘me’ through the writer’s characters without realizing I was in fact absorbing it all to then rehash it in the form of ‘my own personality.’

 

The same with the music that I developed an affinity for, the stereotypes of individuals praised as ‘artists’ and how I also even trained myself to praise crap art (not literal though) because, well everyone else seems to also like it isn’t it? Lol like my ‘favorite movement’ Abstract Expressionism and Pollock – just praised alcoholics or junkies made stars on the cover of Life Magazine, upgraded to such stardom for a very necessary political move of that time when it comes to consolidating America’s position after WW2, and this would imply that  we only get to know of the artists that somehow have also ‘agreed’ to be part of the establishment – which from my personal aspirations of ever getting to that position means that everything has always been fixed and that no one becomes that famous without hidden agendas. Who knows? Maybe Van Gogh was made such a legend because of his erratic behavior and affinity for absinthe and so, he was made famous to begin instigating  more people to get into drugs to paint in such ways too… because let’s face it: we copy and integrate everything we see around us and if we see something that works to ‘get some success’ going, then we will try and emulate it because it is part of our preprogramming to seek such specialness and ‘uniqueness’ too, and some people like myself would seek it through artistic stardom, others through becoming a stock broker which means: yes, art is not ‘outside of the system’ at all, and the star-system is the learned protocol if one wants to ‘make it’ within the system.

 

 

 modern_slave

Artwork by JL Kenney

 

I actually decided in my early teens to watch all ‘cult movies’ because I was getting myself prepared to be ‘well acculturated’ and went from Pulp Fiction, Taxi Driver, A Clockwork Orange, Scarface, Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas, Trainspotting, Reservoir Dogs and others..  you can see the constant topics there: drugs, criminality and ultraviolence and this is what is a ‘must’ in every movie along with sex if it is to ensure its success, a perfect carrier for imprinting new behaviors which are then copied by ourselves as if it was a mint reflection of our society.  When it comes to books, reading Burroughs, lots of Kerouac, Palahniuk, Coupland while listening to depressive music saying ‘It’s too late now, It’s the devil’s way now’ and watching people like Thom Yorke get ‘depressed’ in his ultra-famous lifestyle pointing out to us that even if you have it all there’s still that depressed state residing within due to being too aware of how things really work, or be told that Kurt Cobain committed suicide for hating this world and wanting to die – which I still consider he was suicided in fact, but that’s another story –  Well no ponder I painted what I painted, I just rehashed what I would read/hear/see around me: Culture!  And nowadays it’s stronger than ever to promote being dumb and stupid as ‘cool’ and having mentality such as ‘You Only Live Once’ and justifying any form of teenage stupidity because Hey, YOLO!  Or seeing the ultra mind controlled Miley Cyrus or some ten years ago Britney Spears breaking the norm of what a ‘lady’ should act/be like and continuing to push the boundaries when it comes to ‘gender roles.’

 

Entertainment was the key influence in my life throughout the time when I was developing my own emotions and feelings which is what I eventually enjoyed ‘losing’ myself into: as a child watching too much TV, as a teenager reading many books, listening too much music from which I learned more about the human mind while developing some rather unusual fascinations with everything that pointed out toward death and destruction, which I later on transposed onto my own paintings wherein I tried to also become part of the ‘shock world’ just because I was so much against what seemed normal and acceptable, so I found my ‘niche’ in society by everything that seemed to go against the tide.  An example is the time when I placed myself to watch some ‘cult movies’ like Pulp Fiction and Reservoir Dogs, I considered them far too violent and could not comprehend how people could revere it, however I then wanted to be part of that world, of the ‘alternative’ or the not so widely acceptable, just anything that could question or challenge what I deemed to be the ‘status quo’ or ‘what is normal’ but, I wasn’t at all aware how it is that these movies were made popular for the very purpose of making sex, drugs, ultra violence part of the mainstream and ‘normalcy’ in our consciousness. 

 

 

The same went on with A clockwork orange, I watched it a couple of times and walked through my own early digestion of the idea of violence being enjoyable for these guys and pondering if others were able to discern that such violence was not in fact something funny or enjoyable and that these guys were sick in the gulliver. However a deliberate problem here is that Kubrick didn’t include chapter 21 on Burgess’ original story, which would have given another twist to the whole plot and shown a real grown up Alex that had transcended his ultra-violent teenage years as that would have ‘broken the spell’ for a film maker that was also meant to create a ‘mark’ in an entire generation and generations to come with the portrayal of violence as something fun to do, aside from the mind control remarks in an attempt to ‘cure’ Alex’s problem, which also gives a hint of what Big Pharma means today in a ‘mentally ill’ person’s life: cure without ever pondering WHY is it that our so called ‘mental illnesses’ exist today more so than ever before, and how we could even legitimize it without any real means to test someone for it?

I guess I could write many things about all of this since it’s part of my so-called ‘visual’ education, but the point here is to realize that nothing is what it seems, there has been no real virtues in this world, we have never been actually alive so anything I ever had respect for of course was just a lie that I wanted to hold on to for some reason, which in this case it came through what I would read in magazines that was considered ‘cool’ and ‘cult movies’ and ‘movie classics’ which actually were on purpose made part of such categories so that any person would then have to watch those movies and get acquainted with the basics that make of Hollywood something profitable till this day.

Will I be able to see things with the same eyes again? No, once the lid is blown off, you can’t. It is no longer a nice story where Jane the girl in American Beauty that would kind of see through the ‘fakeness’ in reality, ‘falling  in love’ and running away with a drug dealer to ‘escape their reality’ I mean, it stops having such romantic twist to it – as I had defined it anyways, lol – and it becomes just another plot where those that could not ‘fit in the box’ become ‘outsiders’ and living in the fringe side of reality.  However I do like to keep watching/reading to continue seeing where and how we have created this mass hypnosis where we have essentially become the personas that we are sold in the media: this is the not so innocent and most pervasive brainwashing and as such, I see it is very important to become more aware of how we ‘entertain’/entrain ourselves, and not end up in denial of that which we wasted our life time on, as I did at some point in my life too when being in a constant hypnosis of watching music videos for example.

 

The point here is demonstrating how we have never genuinely created something that demonstrated an actual point of self-creation in our culture, and of course we haven’t done so because We as individuals have Never in fact considered such starting point possible within ourselves in the first place, to recognize the power and ability to create ourselves, to become better human beings. All we have ever been and done is to exist as the ‘created’ at the mercy of some invisible creator, repeating, revamping, rehashing what has been used since the beginning of time to revere its ‘unfathomable’ existence and creation.  It was in the repetition of symbols, myths & archetypes, ideologies and holy books, behaviors and morals that we have shaped ourselves around the same acceptance of oneself as the mind only and from there, confirm our ‘human nature’ and why we seem to always be so unfulfilled, so miserable, suffering all the time, the ‘pains of living’ and the ‘struggle’ to make a decent living… is this what LIFE is really about or is this what we’ve seen/read/watched it is Meant to be? We have only perverted, tainted and twisted it all further, enhancing our own separation, ignorance, apathy and overall self-destruction through the ‘creations’ we’ve pulled out as arts/media/culture – please see specifically now contemporary art/ post modernism of which I became just a part of by reproducing the same ideas around everything that I would imprint within myself on a daily basis for years on from the TV: death, destruction, decay, suffering, abuse, sexual deviance and learning how to praise this as some kind of ‘truth’ of an individual, almost learning to accept this bs as  the ‘dark side’ that we had to come to embrace and make it more evident to ‘wake up’ but, of course we’ve kind of remained in the phase of becoming enamored with our distractions, our diseases, our paraphilias and haven’t yet given the next step to outgrow it and realize it for the teenage years this implies when it comes to our stages of development as species. Sure, you can be mesmerized by how well done/crafted some works are, but again:  is the starting point of it, the essence  and intent of it something that I can consider valuable or respectable and supportive for our real development as living human beings, to consider what is best for all within the context of self-honesty? No.

 

All seeing eyes 2005

 

In a way it does mirror our reality. Contemporary art became garbage, literal garbage sold as millions, or canned poo which is the most common example of how this ‘devaluation’ or should I say the entire extrapolation of value became yet another cognitive dissonance and part of the plan when art came to form part of ‘desirable collectibles’ by the elite and making some pieces of plastic worth millions of dollars – I correct myself, billions of dollars such as Sotheby’s record sales of 5.8 billion dollars in 2011 –  making it nothing more than just any other asset for people at Wall Street to feel empowered with. It is also very cool for me to see and realize this, and come to see how all those books I read trying to make sense of ‘the movements’ or phases of human expression were nothing else but planned justifications to make it seem as some kind of ‘natural evolution’ of sorts, when in fact it has always been planned specifically to follow through within the context of how the world works at an economic and political level. Let’s not forget it is the current roles of curators and ‘art authorities’ that decide what gets ‘consecrated’ and what doesn’t –  just as in regular HIStory told by the winners, the side of the story that we are meant to adopt and accept as ‘how the story went!’ so that we keep feeding each other lies and keep revering our own masters.

 

IGod

 

 

The current success of our drugged/medicated, dumbed down, fame seeking population suffering from cognitive dissonance, while being dumbfounded at celebritism confirms the effectiveness of our own mind control, accepted, allowed and even praised. When we look at our culture, we can see nothing else but the fulfillment of our own prophecy for absolutely consensual enslavement, one that we buy and choose as part of our personalities and preferences, believing that we can somehow still manage to ‘feel special’ in a standardized society where even ‘subcultures’ or anti-cultures are part of the system, lol. From my own experience, it will take quite some time to wake up from it, as it just took me some 7 years to come to realize this because I had wanted to keep the little idea or dream that these artists were ‘special people’ that had have some genuine ‘revelations’ in their work and what they do, which is what I tried to be a part of, to be the one that could ‘see’ behind the scenes or have some special connections with god –  I am not joking here, when I started painting I also wanted to be the hand of god to reveal something special, lol. But, how could that be without even pondering first if the thoughts, the images, the concepts we had in our minds were in fact our own, including the idea/notion/speculation of GOD itself?

 

 

The same with architecture and every ‘majestic’ construction, of course it was built by slaves but I still wanted to overlook the obvious inherent purposes of such constructions as the physical consolidation of what ‘control’ and ‘power’ looked like, of accepting the existence of massive amounts of wealth to build for the elites, repeating symbols for thousands of years and as such learn it in our history books as if it represented some ‘great work’ or revelation of our ‘who we are’ as species – dismissing the fact that if anything, we could confirm that we have never in fact ceased to exist as slaves, but instead we were taught how to  revere our enslavement. We are all in fact experiencing Stockholm Syndrome and it is rather urgent that we wake up to see how through the seemingly ‘innocent’ we are driving each other to the precipice, starting with child consumerism and the archetypes fed by Disney movies, it’s definitely something to focus on if we can’t at the moment entirely straighten the rest ‘crooked trees’ right away, but children are of primary importance here.

 

I still find it very interesting when I hear someone say ‘to have thoughts of their own’ as if we had our very own copyright to everything we think or say, as if we could create words from scratch. We weren’t even aware how our tastes and preferences were being shaped by ‘the environment’/culture and our lineage/parents which means you would get into it no matter if you went to private schools or else, because having a TV, reading books, watching films, or simply being with your peers would invariably taint you with it.  Drugs were never meant to be ‘liberating’ but the other way around, they were just promoted by these people that told us to ‘tune in and drop out’ while hanging out with artists/rockstars and make everyone drool to such ‘lifestyles,’ never even pondering who was financing some of the greatest ‘rock bands’ in history and virtually any ‘star’ that we have gotten to know of. It’s very simple: if you become famous, if you ‘make it’ it mostly usually means you had to continue playing the role and tell the stories that give continuation to the agenda for further indoctrination and control. This is how we became the useful idiots as human beings that  in seeking for a piece of heaven as fame and fortune, one comes to accept certain ideologies and behaviors, sometimes it’s not even by explicit consent because we then believe that we can innovate by ‘pushing the envelope further’ and ‘be controversial’ or transgressive as if this meant going against ‘the core of control’ as ‘the system’ or religions,  but in fact it is another contained form of ‘rebellion’ to continue misleading ourselves from the actual sources of change, which doesn’t mean dropping the white dove to embrace the raven within, but the consideration of the starting point of why I do this, what motivates me, what do I get from it? Am I supporting myself within this that I am doing/creating? Is my intention to support others and myself through it?

 

Nothing of what we see currently as ‘mainstream’ In our CULTure is spontaneous either, it is manufactured, it is deliberately fixed to promote certain ‘artists’ or ‘artworks’ or ideas through TV shows, so it doesn’t genuinely reflect an ‘evolution’ because there’s NEVER been such self-directive change in our consciousness: we’ve always been herded/guided. And this is yet another aspect to de-mystify about expression and what has been promoted as some kind of ‘spiritual revelation’ in art itself or in Satanism as pop-culture is presenting now: it was never in fact meant to ever represent genuine self-expression, it’s only a chewable way to integrate mind-control and mind possession as ‘normal’ and ‘cool’ while sending any living principles out of the scene and made uncool or ‘old-fashioned.’ 

 

Sacred Mindfucks 2008

 

 

If I hadn’t stopped myself from falling down that precipice of the new age/sacred art culture that I was delving myself into some 7 years ago, I would have probably be enamored with things that Alex Grey’s paintings or aiming to at least be someone like Banksy to be an incorporated and revered form of ‘resistance’ to the system. Everything is literally ‘on our noses’ as the culture we breathe in and out every single day – and there was still a part of me that refused to entirely SEE this or more like placing it into words, as I was still holding on to keeping just this ‘little pieces of heaven’ as the ideas of who these ‘great artists’ had been, and ‘what great inspirations’ they have represented for me and yes I repeat, their work probably is/was or their ideas,  but of course it never meant a life-changing example but more of a conducted and deliberate plan to continue misleading from promoting or making actual solutions part of our ‘pop culture’ or art movements. This is why everything is so contained as if it was prescribed, it’s a preprogrammed plan as well and as such there was no real ‘innovation’ or real creativity involved but prepaid craftsmanship to advance and give specific morals, ideas, en vogue topics as the ‘new directions’ to our human culture and this is what I’m most intensely interested on these days: debunking our culture.

 

Maybe I can learn something from that Chuck Klosterman’s book I read many years ago Sex, Drugs and Cocoa Puffs  to analyze popular culture and see how it is that our fitter-happier mentality in this capitalist ‘mediafied’ system is the ‘filter’ through which we create our relationships, how we interact with one another is entirely manufactured for a specific purpose: to become willfully ignorant and prisoners of our own diversion and distraction as we become addicted to what’s in the ‘psychosphere’/collective unconscious and be a part of our globalized mentality, which I don’t necessarily judge as ‘bad’ but only see all the points that would require to be aligned to be a supportive popular culture, and we are heading in the opposite direction at the moment.

 

So, one point to consider here is that this is in no way to blame those that apparently ‘set the agenda’ as ‘they’ were just part of the game anyways, but rather looking at how I/we accepted and allowed ourselves to become prisoners of our own diversions, of our own emotions and feelings, of our own minds while neglecting to really look at what is it that we are making of ourselves, what have we turned ourselves into and use common sense as a point of reference to see ‘where we are’ in our day to day participation: is what I like, do, follow, commit to what is best for all? Why is it that something as vital as politics and understanding of how the system really works never been part of our inherent ‘culture’? Why have we reduced politics to a mockery? Nowadays politicians seem to be more of a subject for reality shows with the same contest-like popularity mentality structure where one can ‘vote’ for the lesser of two evils and call that a civil duty – so why are no real definitions of politics as in realizing our power to direct our lives and so make effective decisions to benefit ourselves as society?  Oh no! That’s where the real threat exists! That’s why we are constantly taught to hate ‘the elite’ and ‘hate politicians’ and see them as ‘the problem’ while excluding ourselves as co-creators of the problem – that’s the Real problem in fact. And so the importance of always considering SELF-Responsibility in everything we might think or believe that only ‘a few’ are imposing ‘upon us.’ It is as simple as realizing that there would be ‘no culture’ if we – one by one – didn’t actively participated in it.

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I remember this text of about 50 pages on what ‘Culture’ is when I was in junior high school and now I would reduce the definition of culture to the industry of making behavioral imprints part of a person’s individual and collective identity for the purpose of maintaining old-age status quo with the appearance of evolution or progress while creating a paradigm of ideologies that perpetuate the divide and conquer mentality through the mechanisms of entertainment and arts, which are intended to standardize thinking, behavioral, emotional and feeling patterns in the masses. There has never really been an evolution, but only a change of scenario with words that would indicate ‘progress’ while missing out on the actual newspeak this ‘progress’ entails. How can there be any progress when we still leave out billions of individuals from having access to the most essential needs to live in dignity, such as water, food, shelter, healthcare? This is also to place into perspective in which kind of segmented bubbled mentality we exist in when praising the lavish lifestyles of our rich and famous while disregarding and deliberately ignoring the real problems we have come to accept as ‘normal’ in our world.

 

 Common Sense and Principled Living to consider Life in Equality and What’s Best for All in everything we do/act/speak is what we don’t yet  learn in school and this is why it is so important to start debunking everything we had used as an excuse to justify ‘who we are’ and our ‘human nature’ within ‘culture,’ because culture is still man-made, it is NOT something inherent to our physical bodies, it is not in the air we breathe, it is not in the food we eat – no matter how contaminated or GMO’d it can be – it is all about who we are in the mind and what we decide to participate in. Human Nature and ‘Culture’ have become the greatest excuses as to why it is apparently ‘impossible to change’ now, it is a comfortable lie we like to tell ourselves, so we have to being there before attempting to call others ‘liars’ isn’t it? That’s where self-integrity and self-honesty begins.

 

It’s time to debunk my own perceptions of what art was supposed to be and to understand that even if I had the intention to ‘see beyond the veil’ the very fact that I wanted to hold on to some apparent ‘good’ things I had believed were a virtue in some individuals and human creations like in art made me want to hold on to certain aspects of my own cultural conditioning from which I developed my personality, my taste in men, the lifestyle I wanted, the kind of music, TV, books and everything that I previously regarded as , ‘the who I am’ within the social-soup of reality which is the way I shaped myself to be as who I am as my mind. I bet that everyone can relate to identifying oneself to one character in a movie, in a book, or with some artist and even emulate the way they lived their lives or trying to mimic ‘how they got to make it’ in the world. Another example of this manufacturing of culture is how suddenly certain things would become available and so ‘openly’ talked about in the mainstream like with the hippie movement and psychotropic drugs, sexual openness, the apparent female empowerment and the tune in-drop out ‘living’ mode which gave another step toward the new age movement. Little did I know there was nothing really ‘special’ about that in the sense of human consciousness suddenly ‘evolving’ or us finding some kind of ‘gate’ to the heavens lol, but instead it is about seeing how these were specific experiments conducted by the CIA to precisely get an entire generation interested on drugs, spirituality and the ‘unseen’ as well as feeding addictions rather than ever getting closer to finding out real ways to make of our lives in this world-system better, such as politics or becoming familiarized with the ways the money system operates, who decides how we conduct our social-programs, why do we we even limit ourselves in our economic systems and so forth.

 

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There have been many, many things that have suddenly become a point of focus and attention in our lives, because it is constantly talked about of and/or advertised and so we diminish ourselves to be receptors and regurgitate what we watch on mainstream media, and then ponder why ‘everyone’s talking about…..’ similar topics. Well, there’s no magic in that. I made the experiment myself some years ago when I deliberately would not watch anything about pop culture, I didn’t even know who Lady Gaga was until late 2010 and dared to listen to the music, but before that I only got to know of the name and person through the covers of magazines that I would see while making a line in the supermarkets in South Africa. So, it is possible to be ‘out of the loop’ of course if you step outside of mainstream TV, radio and not visit such pop culture websites. However because right now we are so plugged into everything that is constant ‘news’ and celebritism, you get to know of these individuals whether you like it or not, it’s just all over and one can ignore it, but you can’t avoid seeing the pictures everywhere. So this is how we move ourselves en masse to keep enticing  ourselves to upscale our own obsessions and diversions from ever considering what it is that our lives would be without such entertainment? Maybe we would start actually focusing on why we have to constantly suffer, strive and really exist as slaves that only worry about money and fearing to lose our jobs.

 

It is essential to get ourselves out of this survival mode if we want to ever get to a point of providing to each other a dignified living, and most of the time we rather have a joystick between our hands or hypnotize ourselves with Netflix marathons rather than taking some of the multiple sources in the internet and start scratching the surface to understand why do we live in such a dog-eat-dog world? How have we created this nature of the system? What can we do about it? Which would in fact then be us realizing that politics IS what should have always been part of our culture, it IS what should have always formed part of our essential education: to realize each one of us has the power to create oneself and as such direct our reality in a way that is beneficial for all.

So, by saying this we can already see that we have been ‘living’ in a deliberately concealed or fabricated version of our reality to precisely Not dig into these topics, to Not see behind the glitter and glam that we are constantly fed with by the surreal lives portrayed on television.  So, this all indicates to myself that as I now see, realize and understand with more clarity than ever before, it is my responsibility as a human being, as part of this creation and part of the problem to support myself and be a point of support for others that also want to start taking the veil off of their eyes. This is the real apocalypse time, the time of revealing to ourselves all the lies we have bought and sold as ‘our culture’ for example, and how it is this very ‘culture’ that has become the very virus we all get infected with by getting high on the experiences we choose to get from it, getting lost in the fantasy realm of the fictions that serve for multiple purposes leading to a greater distraction and diversion from ever considering doing something more substantial to really change the world.

 

It is so true to say that the real revolution won’t be televised, and everything that once was ‘revolutionary’ or ‘alternative’ becomes mainstream and so gets sucked into the system again, nor do I mean the type of revolution with guns, protests and machetes – but the revolution of who we are as our minds. So, I do not actually oppose getting mainstream if these ideas proposed here start becoming the usual awareness of how this world really operates; in fact, the more and more we start collectively seeing this, the more and more difficult it will be to buy just any lie, to fall for the same Hollywood crap we are sold in order to upgrade and instill ‘new ideas’ of what we are meant to be thinking about now. There’s nothing new really, we have reached the end of ‘creativity’ and it is now the time to start creating a New Living Culture of Life, one where we make of self-responsibility a necessity to coexist in dignity, a culture of principles where we can support each other to live and stop losing ourselves in emotional mindfucks and enhancing our obsessions.

Our human nature has never certainly been benevolent, but praising its malevolence will only get us further down the hole. So if I see this, if you see this: it is us that have to change how culture is created nowadays. And how to do this? You may ask, well, it’s not to merely ‘change’ what is created, but changing ourselves, changing who we are as the creators and participants in this reality which will determine the nature of our creations, that’s the real birthing as life creative process we’re talking about here, and I want YOU to join us in it.

 

 

 

I forgive myself that I hadn’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that all aspects of what I had called ‘culture’ as a way to ennoble ourselves as human beings was in fact nothing else but the show off of our very core programming, all based on personalities that were in fact also used to give continuation to certain ‘phases’ in our own mind control or self-awareness diversions such as books, music, films that I once believed were a ‘reflection’ of ourselves –  and they are – however they also were in fact great instruments of conditioning and imprinting of certain behaviors and ways of looking at the world to the point where every person that has had contact with this ‘culture’ of watching movies or reading books or ‘admiring’ artists has had that point of self-identification toward them as if they represented something noble in fact to copy or integrate as a role model or something to aspire to – which might be in certain cases – but in my own experience this is how I learned to be comfortable with violence, decay and pushing the boundaries of what I would deem as ‘acceptable’ based on the idea that the more the envelope was being pushed within me, the more ‘in’ or ‘Avant-garde’ I could become myself, which is nothing else but just having pushed myself to make even the most hideous things ‘acceptable’ and part of subcultures which I did had a reticence to accept as ‘normal’ yet, because of seeing the amount of people that would like certain kind of images or personalities or so called paraphilias, then I believed that we had to embrace our ‘evil’ or our ‘dark side,’ and all of this knowing within myself that it wasn’t really ‘okay’ but because it is part of our society then, I made it ok on purpose so as to not seem ‘out of the loop’ with what my ‘culture’ seemed to be moving on to.

 

Something that I begun noticing from the time that I began watching cable TV which is 20 years ago, is that at least in something like MTV everything started becoming more and more outrageous to the point of scandalous and plain degenerated, however it was made ‘cool’ because of the idea of ‘art’ and ‘avant-garde’ and post-modernism and all of these tags that I actually believed were pretty much ‘in tune’ with what we are witnessing in our societies, not realizing that within looking at what was first the chicken or the egg, they simply represented more ways to continue ‘shocking’ ourselves and accepting violence, depravation, sexual morbidity, the lack of any values as something that was part of ‘my generation’ and so actually beginning to also see myself as part of that ‘lostness’ that was portrayed everywhere and the lostness that sought to get high, to have sex, to ‘live life’ through alcohol and feeling like there is no way out in this life other than becoming a junky or ultimately commit suicide as it was staged to be seen from some of our generation’s pop-culture heroes like Kurt Cobain  – I mean all of these personality traits somehow I felt Identified with it to the point wherein you can look at my book collection, and a great amount of them will have the topic of drugs, dharma bums, of spiritual outcasts, off-griders, shockers like Miller, Burroughs, Ellis, Bukowski and the usual Sartre just to make myself push my own boundaries. No matter how much they seemed to ‘tell the truth’ it could also be them supporting these personalities and making them ‘known’ to everyone else as ‘how the youth is’ which is a double way to portray reality and reinforce the same patterns/behaviors/traits which are not necessarily self-supportive. I didn’t find any ‘truth’ or practical self-supportive views on life in them – the same as with Coupland or Palahniuk’s book through which I would rather confirm my supposed state of ‘outcastism’ I caged myself in, no matter how much I enjoyed them, it was all just programming reinforcement – all of it just served as sugar for my personalities, to upgrade them and upgrade the addiction.

“Outcasts may grow up to be novelists and filmmakers and computer tycoons, but they will never be the athletic ruling class.”
Chuck Klosterman, Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs: A Low Culture Manifesto

 

There you go, our ‘truths’ made quotes.

 

 

Here’s to my process of self-debrainwashing:

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever define myself according to the characters I enjoyed in books, the artists and their attitudes such as standing ‘against the system’ while actually denigrating themselves to a low-lifestyle just to ‘not depend on a government’ for example, which is just the same mentality of ‘the dreamers’ and the people that so-called could stand ‘free’ or ‘be the resistance’ and ‘never fit in’ through creating art, without realizing that this mentality of ‘the outcasts’ – of which I read several books on – the ‘rebels,’ the ‘anti-system’ musicians, the depressive mentalities that I became so engulfed in to the point where I missed my own life while just becoming addicted to feeling ‘down’ wherein I have found it difficult to allow myself to enjoy myself, just because of how much I reinforced my pessimism, my gloomy view on life based on the types of preferences that I developed as a child from age 7 and on, within the idea that this was the ‘cool stuff’ that I had to make myself like that ‘fringe’ side of reality just because I initially would be shocked by it to the point wherein I would go from the fear/shock to the attraction and then integration of it as part of ‘who I am.’ In this I was aware how I went ‘pushing my own envelope’ for the purpose of being special, being unique since people my age as my peers weren’t ‘into the stuff’ that I was into back then, which made me feel that I could see beyond the happy-go-lucky mentality and that somehow the dark and mysterious was ‘more real,’ which in a way it is just defining myself according to the good/bad essential separation mentality in which we have caged ourselves throughout ages, to always be in conflict with one another and within ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was being ‘true to myself’ by being a rather pessimist person and with an obscure view on life based on what I saw was also ‘con-firmed’ by others like writers, musicians, filmmakers that I believed could ‘understand me’ but in fact we were all just acting out on our emotions and feelings and not really doing anything else other than what we were meant to do, such as feeling helpless to do anything for our lives and world, following our preprogrammed personalities while using ‘culture’ as a way to justify our copy-paste of ‘trends,’ personalities, ideas, beliefs, preferences and then! Even dare to create relationships based on these preferences, which is something I did and that I consider many people do, which is once again only creating relationships and ideas of ourselves based on what has kept the entire ‘show’ running as is without opening up real possibilities for change, because in holding on to this so-called ‘art’ and ‘culture’ I was in fact limiting myself from seeing the actual potential we have as real self-creation, which is then stopping following ‘the leaders’ and ‘trends’ that are manufactured or trying to ‘fit into’ certain personalities, but instead focus on changing the starting point of everything we do/act/speak on, changing our lives from copycats to self-creative individuals without any need for ‘external reinforcement’ to do so.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to focus on all ‘the bad’ and that which I believed we refused looking at or realizing as a way to ‘wake us up’ but now, that’s also become part of ‘the norm’ and so developing a kind of ‘resistance’ or immunity to any form of shock, which is why I realize that utilizing images to shock even more is just not doing the work any longer. This is then about developing new ways that involve thinking out of the box as in thinking outside of the morality of the good vs. the bad and start focusing on living principles within our self-creative abilities.

I realize that in order to create any life-supportive art, the creator itself must walk through this deconstruction process him/herself so that one is deliberately then willing to contribute with one’s words, action to the creation of a world that is best for everyone as our common aim at this moment in our world. And this will imply also the exposure of the fallacies that we have revered as our history, and so forgiving that past fuckup and see it for the propaganda that it was as a creation of ‘the winners’ in the world, and so build a new culture of life that involves self-education, self-improvement through learning more about what it means to live within Self-Honesty and learn how to honor each other as life. This is not ‘uncool’ this is what we have pushed ourselves to see as ‘uncool’ or ‘outdated’ but that’s the key to a genuine change in our mentality and so in our reality.  We need books, we need films, we need music, we need plays, we need visual works that can be tools of support for this process of self-revelation or ‘the revelation’ process which can also expose the art of the past for what it was, what was its purpose, its consequences and so make each other aware that we have collectively used something as culture to continue ‘pushing the envelope’ and not questioning further the type of fascinations or addictions that we simply came to ‘embrace’ as part of our lives as that would make us ‘avant-garde’ or ‘keeping up with our times’ in the illusion of progress, which were in fact fabricated for the purpose of preventing us from actually focusing on that which matters, which is getting to know ourselves, developing self awareness and becoming individuals that can genuinely break the patterns from the past in all aspects of ourselves as there is nothing I can hold any form of respect, devotion or admiration from ‘our culture’ in the past, because we didn’t use it to share with each other how to actually live and become our fullest potential as species.

I now understand this ‘letting go’ of something that I had wanted to hold on to as part of my self-definition. And I can see that this is part of the ‘programming’ that I had to shed over time which in itself is part of my process in order to not only see it as ‘preprogramming’ but understanding how this culture that I had become fond of was never meant to support ourselves and each other to realize ourselves as life. This is what we have conditioned each other to by our own acceptance and allowance and such, it is now when I decide to understand more about the world-system picture so that I stop revering that which was never meant to be supportive for life.

 

 

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Support yourself to learn more about the Culture of LIFE:


404. Deconstructing Culture as Myself

 

As I continue my self-investigation it seems that realizing the fact that we all have been preprogrammed individuals following a very specific ‘plan’ that involved conditioning ourselves to become a certain role/personality in our minds and never question it,  wasn’t still completely grasped within me when it comes to seeing culture and how it has been specifically designed to support particular agendas that have led to various ‘cultural movements’ that within me I still wanted to believe were attempts of us as human beings trying to ‘break-through’ or ‘break-free’ – lol – but mostly managing to break ourselves further through imprinting certain behaviors, ideas, concepts, morals, ‘world vision’ that became actual distractors in the sense that none of these points would be useful or supportive for a genuine change in this world, but instead it was the patterning and standardization of what we would think, what we would understand as ‘freedom’ and what we would find entertaining or alluring in our lives, which is also containing the ways in which we see/define/categorize and think ourselves and everyone/everything else, which is mind control through the most ‘subtle means’ such as television/media/arts and everything that is usually reached by the average person, even if such person doesn’t go to school for example.

 

All of this was part of the ‘greater plan’ to be perpetually enslaved to our own constant desire to experience, to be ‘hooked on energy’ so to speak which is what we accepted as our every day living, our every day ‘drive’ and motivation to go to work, do the exact same things every day to earn a living and then come home and be able to relax while getting ‘updated’ on ‘what is going on in our minds’ which is what then becomes part of your passive indoctrination into new fascinations, new obsessions, new desires to consume, body types, new personalities, new things to essentially get ourselves occupied with in our minds which became a self-inflicted way to accept and allow ourselves to dive into complacency of how this system operates, since we mostly came to conclude that ‘As long as I can have my free time to do whatever I like doing to relax and entertain myself and those around me are protected ($),  who cares whatever else is going on in the world?’ – we even have gotten to the point of praising our enslavement by idolizing those that we have accepted and allowed as ‘masters’ in our world and gullibly thinking that we can someday reach/rich ‘that top’… without realizing the system is structured to not allow anyone else to get to such positions, but be constantly reminded ‘they can’ if they just hit the jackpot like stars do nowadays with reality shows, singing contests and whatnot. It’s All around us and no matter if kids are homeschooled, kids will still be having a TV, internet, peers that will simply be also the product of all of this so, we have to establish principles in order to direct ourselves within it and so the younger more impressionable minds too.

 

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In my case I linking what should have been rather obvious to me from the time that I became more ‘acquainted’ with TV at the age of 7, specifically cable TV and American TV Channels. But also from the books that I read throughout my teenage years, I was still holding on to them and the writers as proof of what I believed was an attempt of us to ‘breakthrough’ or ‘step out of the system’ when it comes to human creativity and other creations like music, fine arts, films – all of the ‘marvels’ of the world that I once saw myself being ‘inspired by’ in order to overcome my own inner conflict which was in fact first of all created by everything that I began watching on TV as I had no actual ‘worries’ in my life as such. I can say I am a genuine product of spending childhood watching MTV for example. So, I’ve been finding out how it is that these ‘artists’ were in fact used or let’s place it in a more tangible way: their own creativity was rather used in order to further certain agendas related to ‘pushing the envelope’ when it comes to instilling ‘new’ ideas, personalities, fantasies, personalities, ‘ideologies’ and even addictions within people, all of it paid with what is called fame and fortune wrapped in the package of ‘celebritism’ or artistic personalities or eccentrics that portrayed the apparent ‘perfect ways’ to ‘escape the system’ – to present the illusion of ‘yes, anyone can get to the top!’ or ‘Anyone can beat the system and escape!’  and bam! There I went, right into it as far as I could when I was into aiming at doing/becoming like certain personalities and doing what they did and living their life.

 

Now within this there’s also a point to consider how it is not only some evil cabal’s plan to complete their ‘great work’ and have all these stereotypes, morals, behaviors, ideas being imprinted in everyone’s minds through manufacturing culture and all of us believing that artistic manifestations were evidence of ‘man’s evolution’ – which in essence as such, evolution is just consciousness upgrading itself, which means there’s no real Self-Awareness in it, just new ‘trends’ that could be sold to people in an attempt to fulfill the constant desire to progress, to advance, to ‘become better’ – lol – not realizing we haven’t ‘evolved’ an iota from the moment of our creation, only the scenarios have changed and we have seen our ‘technology’ create the illusion that we have changed, but we haven’t, at all.

 So this is to understand that the history we have been taught in schools of course is taught by the winners, those that have created the wars and have perpetuated the idea of how a god would choose who the monarchs would be, and so forth – all of it which was usually ‘backed’ by the evidence of artistic creations used as another alibi to confirm certain theories of our evolution. But in reality, a lot of it has been transfixed in order to suit certain theories to, once again, advance certain notions of evolution, of real change and human refinement, simply to continue justifying what we have as ‘arts’ today which have mostly become part of the dumbification or downgrading of ourselves as individuals in order to promote carelessness, apathy, destruction, chaos, mental disorders, the destruction of any value or principle but only shock and disturb to such an extent that it becomes a ‘norm’ nowadays in what we call our entertainment, which is really entrainment.

Once we get to know of the actual history – through currently non-institutionalized sources of course – of how our culture has been engineered as a necessary tool of propaganda to back the ‘story’ of ‘how things are/how they have been’ and paving the way to ‘how things will be’ there is no doubt that we are continuing to lock ourselves in these ideals based on what we get/absorb from the media/environment around us, which is nothing else but the same mind patterns made ‘enjoyable’ just like junk food that one can get addicted to: it tastes good, you then crave for it but nevermind really getting to know about the lack of nutritional content.  In essence our culture has become the glorification and legitimization of ‘our human nature’ as ‘who we are as the mind,’ separated from reality into the fictional stories that we could spend our entire lifetime creating of ourselves as personalities, as ‘characters’ in our own ‘movie’ that we actually begun thinking we had to create as ‘our lives’ and ‘our relationships.’ It’s been very interesting to me to see my own brainwashing and how my own relationships, my own thoughts/ideas/fixations were all imprints that I took from music, music videos, books, TV shows and essentially immersing myself in a culture that I wanted to belong to at the time – American Culture – because of loathing ‘my own culture’ which is what I had then perceived as the low-life Mexican Culture and as such never realizing I was actually then going to be my own reference as to ‘who one becomes’ when continually watching American TV, which I did for the most part from age 7 till probably 15-16 or so.

 

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CULTure is the perfect way to entrain ourselves into consciousness, ‘what everyone is thinking about’ and ‘what’s talked about’ which comes in the form of our news, TV shows, movies, music, etc. containing components as behaviors, personalities, thinking patterns, fashion, attitudes, morals, obsessions, addictions, etc. – all of it having ‘profitable’ purposes but goes beyond that and into the necessary role of providing the ‘circus for the masses’ to ensure that this time, the Holy Roman Empire does not fall for not giving enough bread and circus to the people. One only has to have a look around us and see that it’s easier to talk to someone about a TV show than politics or economics; it’s easier to strike a conversation with someone about a movie than it is to discuss our emotionally driven tendencies to buy products as way to compensate for some kind of ‘emotional need.’ Culture has always been the way to perpetuate a mindset, a way to legitimize ‘how life is lived’ and ‘how things are done,’ what is ‘cool’ and what is not, which essentially consolidates our usually used as an excuse to not change ‘human nature’ – culture is its own PR campaign that we are then taught in schools as part of our history and ‘ethics’ so that we are reminded that ‘there’s ALWAYS been someone at the top of the food chain, there’s ALWAYS been slaves that are disempowered, deal with it, try to always aim at the top and enjoy the show while it lasts.’

Currently if one cannot see the actual agendas for further depravity, lack – because they were never ‘lost’ of any living principles and the ‘Do as Thou Wilt’ mentality to give continuation to our ‘age old’ culture, one must be very, very brainwashed – not to worry though, it’s not too late yet. Nowadays sexual depravity is the ‘norm’ when it comes to the idea of ‘sexual liberation’ and female empowerment means stripping down in front of crowds and being praised by millions as some kind of ‘queen.’ Another example is how within our ingrained desire to ‘feel free’ the idea of ‘the rebel’ or the ‘anti-system’ became part of the social engineering process to always contain and control any form of actual break-through within individuals, which is the predictable way of acting if you see that something is ‘not right’ and your are being abused, you then aim and attempt to ‘break free’ from the oppressor by opposing, judging, antagonizing and denying it, revolting against it which are all the ‘anti’ movements that have become part of the systematic and predictable antithesis processes to actually Contain the people within such stance/roles and behaviors for which ‘the system’ as we have all co-created it was always ready to thrown back some ‘solution’/synthesis to further control. It’s just following what Lenin said in the lines of If you want to control the opposition, take the head of it, and you can see that all ‘leaders’ and role models in arts and so-called revolutionary people have been also part of perpetuating the same status quo, even if they were not aware of.

 

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To prove this point in terms of realizing how our culture has not been one that supports life, I bet that you have most likely never seen a movie pointing out how life is not about participating in our own mind as thoughts, emotions or feelings… or becoming self-responsible, or empowering each other to become the actual directors of our lives, of how poverty could be eradicated if we all partake in political solutions – not just one lucky good-doer leader here and there – not at all, instead we create the opposite and as such, it becomes what occupies our mind at a conscious level, it’s what suits our ‘human nature’ which is that of blame, vengeance, victimization…  just look at V for Vendetta that became the brainwashing mechanism for everyone at Occupy Wall street believing they had some kind of ‘power’ to oust ‘the bankers’ while seeking revenge – lol, fascinating how MOVIES are in fact dictating how we even ‘revolt’ nowadays, isn’t it? Not to mention the masks that became part of protests since 2011 and specifically the ‘anonymous movement’ are copyrighted to Time Warner, thank you for your contribution to one of the five top corporations that run the media in this world – wink, wink. How have we accepted and allowed to become SO predictable and SO Brainwashed and still fall for it? Easy, the same culture has become the only ‘soup of thoughts’ we all swim in.

 

 

This is precisely WHY ‘going against the system’ is just becoming the predictable pattern within the foreseeable attempts to ‘break free’ from our minds which is just playing the role of becoming the dark pole to the white counterpart or ‘going in the opposite direction,’ confirming our ‘dialectic’ predictable mentality that was also part of what ‘great philosophers’ left on Earth…  it is really only giving a name to the mechanisms in which we operate in our own minds – no big discovery, only making visible what we already exist as in our polarity mind-constructs of good and bad, right and wrongs, positive and negatives caging ourselves into oblivion within Energy and the illusion of ‘breaking free’ – all of it being the ‘building blocks of the illusion’ that we can call culture formed by the massive distribution and repetition of ideologies, images, sounds = all created in and as the image and likeness of who we are as the mind and its mechanisms, hence the importance of knowing thyself and becoming Aware of what one thinks, what principles one lives by, how we created our personality, what are our goals in life and where did we take those ideals from? Why do we dress a particular way? Why do we like a particular set of movies? Why do we Feel differently toward things, people, places, music …. There are so many theories and attempts to debunk the origin of our culture and all I can remember from it is that as human history it ends up when ‘hitting a wall’ where no man has gone beyond – before 2006 – and attributing everything to god or a creator and as such, for example seeing the origin of art as having some kind of magical-religious purposes…. Oh yes, that means core programming for enslavement within the idea of ‘higher someone’ dictating everything we do and because we could not understand it, we came to draw it or paint it or sculpt it so that it would later on become our way to solidify the same plot of what we have come to accept and allow as ‘how things have always been,’ and even learned how to revere it as well! That is us at the dawn of our species, and that is still us at the time as well. No evolution has taken place whatsoever.

 

DSC01653

 

Coming back to my own case here, it’s cool and rather necessary for me to debunk what I see I had wanted to hold on to as some kind of belief in ‘human creativity spark’ or a bit of ‘romanticism’ when It comes to human expression and sure, the works and creations themselves can still be very well done, but it’s definitely not something ‘special’ or as an attempt to ‘break through’ some kind of programming – lol –  it’s rather the opposite. Once one starts seeing and understanding the ‘big picture’ and how these personalities or built-up stars play a role within the whole scheme and get to understand who paid them, for what purpose, within the context of which agenda, any remains of romanticism or ‘out of the box’ hopes upon artists just goes down to the drain as it should, because it was never ‘real’ anyways, it was never intended to honor and support life, so why praising something or someone that I personally only used to confirm my own existence as a mind consciousness system that absorbed all of this knowledge and information to further myself down my own mythological rabbit whole? It’s pointless.

To me this is a bit ‘late’ to realize in my process with such clarity, but better later than ever breaking through yet another ‘layer’ within the experiences, ideals and fascinations held within me as part of ‘my personality’ created in the image and likeness of the illusion; what I mean by ‘illusion’ are my experiences, my own responses toward certain artists, books, films, arts in general which means, how I FEEL and how I would See myself in relation to ‘what is of this world’ and what ‘suit’ I wore most of the time to be in it. I also see that I can apply this same realization to any other point or aspect in reality toward which I had held some ‘special value’ upon and instead see it  within self-awareness for what it physically is,  realizing that there’s no ‘grandeur’ in anything in this reality at the moment that I could genuinely ‘praise,’ because everything that we’ve ever done as humanity and our ‘culture’ specifically has been engineered within the context of our preprogrammed reality, of revering the mind and system that it is in our outside world – but never life which is what I actually ended up doing for myself: I found ‘my place’ in the world in a comfortable cage where – If I had continued down my ‘preprogrammed path’ – I could not at all have affected real change, because arts as I now see, in order to become really ‘famous’ and revered, you cannot genuinely destabilize the status quo, and so all the people I admired and I believed made some advancements really only landed themselves in jails or ended up as drug addicts, alcoholics, committed suicide or fell for the path of fame and glory as it is still apparently ‘too hard to refuse’ when you can sign a pact with the devil to get everything you want and ‘make it’ in this dog-eat-dog world. We have all become preys of our own emotions, feelings, desires and wants, yet we believe that that is the key to a fulfilling life, to ‘get it all’ when it is in fact that way in which we are imprisoning us all at the moment, disregarding the fact that if I take more for me, I am in fact leaving another without any.

This is a lengthy point to me as I chose to and wanted to become part of culture as a creator of it, so I chose to study a career dubbed as ‘creator of culture’ which is arts, visual arts and for the most part I’ve seen how ‘arts’ in general are being used as the circus to entertain, to further decay, to instill new ‘ideologies’ and ideas with which we most likely end up much worse that we already are doing in our overall human decay we’re living in. This too can be changed and I see this IS the point I can certainly do not only for myself, but for anyone else that’s realizing the same propaganda-role that art has taken throughout our known history of it.

 

So, this is not over yet, it’s only just begun. I would actually challenge and/or suggest to you reading this to look at which character either from a film or book, what artist you idolized or ‘wanted to emulate’ for some reason and why, what kind of ideology from a certain movie or series you could ‘identify’ with and decided to make it your own by becoming/acting/speaking/wanting to look like someone you saw on the TV, a film, a book character, an artist, etc. The more and more we start considering the seemingly subtle ways in which our behavior and what we claimed to be ‘our own personality’ has been influenced by the media and entertainment we participate on a constant basis, the more we will be able to realize to what extent we are STILL accepting and allowing the continuation of the problems in this world by realizing that our current culture is not one of self-support and honoring each other as life, as equals – but instead we are using it to perpetuate and upgrade our own alienation from the matters that should have always been part of our culture, which begins with self-awareness of who we are in ourselves as our mind and How we are contributing to the creation or destruction of our reality with the ways we act, speak, think within our lives and toward others.

 

This will continue …

 

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Are you mind controlled? Test yourself here:


397. Come and Stop Worrying about Money & Children with us

Commentary on the Documentary ‘Come and Worry With Us’ featuring the band ‘Thee Silver Mt. Zion’

 

 

Many times I used to say that ‘Music had saved my life,’ and I never questioned that much about the actual lives that musicians have. I probably was ‘happy’ to imagine that they made a good amount of money to be living well after having so many fans and so many shows but today I got to realize that that’s not the case and in a way it does give me yet another reason to implement a new way of living where no one should ever have to suffer, be existing in constant worry, fear and anxiety that comes from living in plain survival-mode when trying to ‘make it’ in this world in an honest manner, which is impossible in a system that is forged with the idea of success as the ultimate goal and neglecting how it currently is – most of the times – achieved only through the effective abuse and control imposed upon others, which means having to cheat, lie, deceive, be dishonest and selfish to be able to make it ‘that far’ without questioning why it is that not everyone can achieve such ‘high standards’ in the society? Why is there no real equal opportunity? why is this ‘successful living’ rather sold to us as this magnanimous lifestyle that is actually unsustainable if we all had the same ability to live in such a lavish modality – this means: it’s not meant to be part of what real life is meant to be in fact.

The documentary Come Worry With Us is an example of how one of my favorite bands actually live like in terms of ‘lifestyle’ and financial woes with the amount of money they earn, which is certainly a lot less than what I would have expected which my assumption of them being a ‘famous band’ therefore not ever having to worry about paying their bills – and here this should apply to Everyone – but this is specifically to debunk the ideas we also create around ‘the rich and the famous’ where not all ‘famous’ people really make ‘a lot of money’ as one could imagine.

Specifically here Godspeed You! Black Emperor and its offshoot Thee Silver Mount Zion are bands that I could have identified as the perfect soundtrack for everything that I could only probably only paint and try to ‘picture’ in frames: a desolate decadent world that is going down the drain, seeing nothing else but death and destruction and the perfect soundtrack for ‘the end of times,’ as well as being what can be defined as a ‘political band’ when it comes to denouncing warfare and the general deception in the political realm at the moment.  But something changed in the life of the common member of both bands Efrim Menuck: he’s got a child now and so he realized that he had to ‘stop his own cynicism’ about life/the world and himself as now there is a person he’s brought into this world that should grow up to live in a better world than the one he is currently living in. I fully agree with this, and even if I don’t have children, every time I would see pregnant women or know of children being born I would create this inner fear almost sadness for them coming to this world that we are abusing and depleting faster than it could ever ‘replenish’ itself, while doing nothing to stop the ongoing destructive trend.

Human Chains (pic) - Copy

 

 

How many times do we say: ‘we require creating a better future for our kids’? It is saddening to see every single day news and articles of the kind of atrocities that are created toward children just because parents can’t afford taking good care of them – from dumping them on the garbage, abandoning them, giving them to adoption or having to make them work too and support with paying the basic needs at home. If there’s something I could worry about this life is precisely whether the little ones will have clean water to drink, clean air to breathe, whether they will be able to run around the streets and riding bikes and going out to playgrounds… or if they are going to be genuinely supported to their utmost potential at schools, whether their parents will be stable enough to raise them – huge point of concern – whether they are going to be having healthier ways of entertaining themselves, healthier eating habits – which are taught at home/ and through culture – whether they can in fact stop copying the fears, the mentality of the parents, whether they can in any way escape the generational sins that we’ve created in absolute selfishness because we believed that ‘it wasn’t going to be us facing the consequences,’ well, here we are, look around you and within you.

 

I would certainly not want anyone to suffer in this world, yet it is all I could always notice around me, or maybe it’s because it is existent as me and in everyone else: abuse, ignorance to the reality of how we create this world based on our absence of care, of presence to direct ourselves in our lives and relate to each other in a supportive manner.

In my case, all I could ever paint was suffering and I didn’t even know why because I had a good life compared to many that really have no support in this world. I do remember a phase in my life when I was around 9-10 years old where my father had a big problem at work, someone bought a lot of merchandise from him and ran away with it using a bad check – and we were almost broke and hearing about the fact that our house, that patrimony that my father was so proud about as ‘our property’ could be lost – the sheer thought of that frightened me a lot at night, the worry, sadness and frustration from seeing my father so depressed, so down, so worried and so angry as that was the only way he could exert his inner frustration about the legal situation and never ever getting that money back. This affected us all at home and I endured what it was to conform with having the basics and learned how to not to ask for more than what I truly required.

I remember at times thinking that if I didn’t exist any longer they could save the money from my food, my healthcare, my school which was a great effort since it was a good private school, I knew they were doing the effort to secure my future, to give me the best – and I know that every single parent wants the best for their children – but most nowadays cannot afford it at all, no matter how self-willed they have: there is simply no structural support to make those at the bottom of the pyramid scheme to rise. This is structural violence and children are meant to somehow accept that they are born into poverty, that mom and dad have to work 12 hours a day considering the commuting times and so children are raised by daycare employees, by internet and television, by mass-norms at school that are designed to also make them obedient and complacent workers and get to be just like mom and dad: workaholics by necessity, not by choice – or else, there is no guaranteed survival – this is the current violence we are inherently accepting in our everyday living, threatening each other’s life – we have to also recognize we’ve done this to ourselves by leaving the system in the hands of a few.

 

Nowadays I see the direct consequences where I live of how poverty affects families in a very pervasive manner. To me this place is ‘temporary,’ but for many it is the place and environment they are born into, it is the people they will marry and have their children with and also die in until the last days knowing to do nothing else but to work, drink every weekend, have ‘parties’ and pretend that life is fine while going back every Monday to earn the bread with the sweat of their brow the rest of the week, hoping for something or someone like a president to finally change their lives.

The frustration that parents create at work which is based on the threat of losing their job/not making enough money becomes the constant experience that parents then in turn become toward their children, toward their partners and so toward the world: a survivalist mentality that cannot be stable, here, present, enjoying life because of always being tensed, worried and anxious about getting the next paycheck to pay all the bills.

 

Jessica and Efrim discussing finances

Come Worry With Us (2013)

 

We are all currently required to break our illusions behind the usual question of ‘who would you like to be when you grow up?’ and then growing up and realizing that was just a dream, a fantasy, an ideal promoted to us to keep us completely separated from acknowledging the reality: this current world-system is designed to keep dreams on heavy rotation, to keep fueling the hope, the illusions, the wishing and desiring for the most hedonist lifestyle possible, a promised reality that never seems to just manifest into reality and it won’t for sure – nor do I personally consider it should ever, unless we actually work on creating such stability for all and make it sustainable for every other living being in this planet: environment, animals, humans, everyone.

Efrim explains in the documentary how he is part of the last generation that was promised a great future and from there on, we all got the opposite. It’s true, the first year in literature school we got told we were not there to ‘be writers’ and be creative, but to learn the hard-knocks of the science of analyzing literature and how we would barely make a buck with that – in art school we got told the most debasing facts about the poverty-lifestyle one usually goes through when trying to ‘make a living as an artist’ grounding us on how we could not just expect to just ‘be famous’ and earn millions like Hirst overnight. It might seem like a cruel thing to do crushing young adults’ dreams, however it is also the stark nature of the reality we have created for each other.

From there I started questioning a lot about myself, my decision to be an artist – would I make it? What would I have to do to be as ‘big’ as x artist that I admired at the time? And I bet this goes on in the mind of every other person that is taught to aim at the highest peak in a world where the peak is already occupied and not available for everyone else.

 

Does it make sense to live this way? To know we have all of this great potential as human beings and the way we could actually change the entire nature of ourselves and our relationships with one another if we were able to provide us the guaranteed right to live in dignity, to have money to live well if you’d like to dedicate yourself to a non-lucrative profession or arts which is also not a secured ‘job position’ but is dependent on several subjectivities like being liked, being ‘good’ at the eyes of others, being able to relate well to people to make business; getting to be known and published if you are a musician or a writer, or being part of a gallery and not even that guarantees good wages any longer.

 

There is also the point of having children and how that becomes a new primary responsibility for adults where one has to choose between being a parent or being a professional, especially if one is a woman. As an artist, for example, there’s not been such great possibilities to have a breathable life in a world where no more records are being sold, where art is sold only to a few elites and that is a minority of course, where movies and music are being downloaded for free, where people cannot afford to go watch a play, concert or sometimes even go to the movies – instead, all that is promoted is more greed and illusions of power in national TV/ media at home which is still the one point that seems to define what people conceive ‘life’ to be as this idea of ‘fame and fortune’, hence the belief that every person in showbiz should do as well as people on TV – but they don’t, at least not the ones that try and make honest business.

 

 

Some of the artists I enjoy and admire in a way have been able to ‘stay true’ to themselves in a world-system where arts are also another industry and the same abusive policies apply as everywhere else. In this case, music is something that inspired me to begin questioning the system. I began painting while listening to Radiohead’s OK Computer on repeat mode and all their discography became a way to also understand the underlying suffering that I could perceive in everything and everyone but somehow wasn’t that evident to me until 11 years ago when I first began painting. Now it’s very clear to me how this change has to be implemented and I have a clarity to it, to the point where I’ve stopped painting the death and destruction on this world and instead started to investigate, educate myself and begin actively working to promote and establish solutions that not only will benefit artists of course, but that will be a living guarantee for every person that is currently unable to fend for themselves and as such have are unable to develop themselves to become the person they know they all can be. We cannot also continue having honest and principled individuals to ‘adjust’ and ‘align’ to the current skewed mentality of a dog-eat-dog world where worry, fear, stress and paranoia have become everyone’s daily chronic sickness, this is the abuse we are dictating upon each other and it makes no sense at all.

 

This is not the world I want to live in, this is not The Good Life that our parents were once able to have – and some of you younger than me reading this not that for sure – but we have to question why every year that goes by things get worse, wages don’t go up while inflation keeps going up and the majority of the wealth is stacked in the hands of the minority: this is a suicidal machine we are operating here, and we have to stop it before we all sink together in it.

 

I want the children of this world to be able to have parents that can be satisfied with what they do with their lives, that can have sufficient time at home or simply available to be with them without the stress, without the fears, without the depression, without the constant every day nagging thought of what if there is no money tomorrow that I can get today to keep feeding my family? This is the most stressful situation anyone can face: being broke, being homeless, being with exorbitant debts that are usually now even transferred from parents onto children to ensure that one can ‘own’ something in this world, yet this world as the Earth itself didn’t come with such instructions of ‘how to use it’: we created them but so we also live the problem, so we have to understand it and be able to create and propose solutions, which is what we should all focus on if we really want to keep having our joys in life, such as music for example in my case.

9. Seykingumu

 

So, the least I can do to honor myself and those human beings that also see the necessity for change, that collaborate with creating awareness in their own ways such as with art and music and genuinely consider that we can all work together and make things work for everyone, is to dedicate myself and my life to promote the consideration and necessity that we have toward each other, the good life that I would like to give to those that have nurtured me either physically or as a living being in my ability to be inspired and influenced by people that were able to tell me through their words, their musical expression about everything that was wrong in this world, so that I could grow up to take the staff and be that person that they can also get inspiration from: becoming an individual that can promote and present solutions, because we’re all just too fed up to hear about the same problems and complains instead of realizing that through understanding the problem, we can and become aware of how we can make things work for everyone.

And for artists who I see are quite a lot within the realm of social-change and activism, thank you for your inspiration as well because sometimes one can get ‘lost’ in a sea of carelessness and hopelessness about being able to genuinely do any meaningful change in this world, but through our very own words, through the way we live and create, how we interact with others we can become the point of change that many others can then refer to as the proof of how we can direct our lives to a best for all outcome, which also determines how we live and interact with one another.

This principle of giving to others as I would like to receive begins within us, so let’s give the best we would want for ourselves to each other and through doing that, learning how to honor and truly appreciate our lives, instead of living as enemies in a chronic state of war.

 

Time to ‘be the change we want to see in this world’ for sure, but this will also only be fully possible when people are no longer strapped to their working chairs and fearing not having money the next day, therefore support the Living Income Guaranteed, to provide a guaranteed access to living needs when having no means to get an income, get higher wages in your current job/occupation and never again be ashamed of having to take this support as it is and will be our sheer right to life, to stop the paranoia, the fear and the self-abuse that comes when living in survival mode – we can do much better than this.

We are yet to discover who we all can be and become once that we step outside of the current divide and conquered set-up world-system we have (negligibly) created. It’s about time we join our creative efforts upon that which will ensure each other’s ability to create without worrying about money again, which tampers our creative potential.

 

Happiness does not exist yet, we have to construct it.

 

 

Living Principles

 

Suggested read for an in-depth review of the documentary:

 


392. Why are Emotional Relationships a Fuckup?

Continuing from:

 

“So the disillusionment with arts have to do with My Own expectations about it. How I thought that this was ‘the way’ to change the world and of course I didn’t follow through with ‘becoming an artist’ in the traditional sense which I then perceived as myself already ‘opting out’ of it all and seeing the sheer idea of dedicating myself to ‘create art’ as utterly selfish, without realizing how much I had desired ‘that’ to be my reality before. I’ve also been recently sharing about these points with people, explaining how I’m not proud of the decisions I made earlier on in my life and how I would not recommend anyone to study arts. I do however not say ‘don’t study arts’ but simply place my own expectations, my own experience, my decision to do something else and how such studies were a nice platform but not real tools that I can apply to what I am doing now.” From 387. The Love/Hate Relationship with Art

 

Nostalghia

 

Facing Myself, my Relationships through the Relationship with Art

I suggest to read:  What does it Mean to Have a Relationship with Oneself? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 608 by Andrew Gable

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationships based on emotions and feelings wherein it doesn’t matter whether it is arts or a person or a responsibility or a place, the moment that I create emotional and feeling attachments to places/people/objects/professions then I begin creating my own trap through definitions based on what I believe that ‘I like’ and what I believe is ‘my thing’ based on nothing else but emotions, feelings, experiences that I went attaching toward something/someone over time, and then believing that I am in fact all of these experiences, emotions and feelings in relation to something or someone, without realizing that such experiences cannot define what such something or someone is in fact, as it is all entirely self-created, it is me-myself that has created this experience within me.

Within this premise, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately automate the words ‘my relationship to/with something/someone’ being defined as an experience that I have built toward something or someone instead of the actuality of how I participate, interact with, communicate with /through something or someone and within that realizing that any experience that I create is entirely my own and has nothing to do with that something or someone but myself at all times.

Therefore I realize that the projections upon ‘art’ is in fact the experience that I have created toward the who I was within that time of my life when I chose to study art and that If I were to place myself within that same frame of mind 7 years ago, I would probably still go for that choice in life, which means that it is a decision I made entirely based on what I wanted to experience and who I wanted to be as a personality, an ego and satisfy my drive that I went building up throughout time to ‘make it’ within the art world – so this point I have opened up before however now I am able to see that it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself, I’ve made of art the excuse to project my own judgments toward my decisions, the way that I established relationships toward this something that I ‘built myself’ around, and as such because I realized I could not continue constructing myself as ‘an artist’ within the initial ideals I had, then I acted in spite and begun regretting and embarrassed by my choices in life as I see them as ‘useless’ without realizing that I was actually reacting at all the various others things I did in my life throughout that time of which I cannot be proud of either and that I cannot certainly recognize as ‘myself’ any longer so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the relationships that I built with people and with specifically my career as ‘arts’ which in fact reflect all the choices in my life, the people that I chose to surround myself with and that I cannot really judge myself for who I was back then as back then I had no awareness of the points I am aware now.

So I realize that I have to stop being ‘hard’ on myself based on this hidden-experience of having ‘the past haunting me,’ and so be able to finally let go of it as I do not have to re-enact this kind of shame or embarrassment about myself, my past relationships, my emotionally-driven decisions in life because it is to realize that back then I didn’t know any other way – and so instead I am grateful to be able to be here writing myself, having deviated from ‘the path’ that I had initially chosen as god knows where the hell I would be if I had followed through my ‘lifestyle’ and the relationships I built around the same ego and personality that I was. I rather see and recognize that I’ve definitely moved on from that phase of my life, but! Also realizing that every time that I create an experience toward any memory, any relationship, any past choice including my decision to study arts, I recreate the entire network of ‘the who I was’ in my past and as such I continue enslaving myself to those relationships and only fuel the negative experiences that are the opposite polarity to the initial positive experiences that I used to build my relationships with people and with the profession/career I was veering myself toward.

And within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to follow the usual pattern within the mind which is ‘dissing’ something once that one has squeezed the last drop of positive experience out of it, which means that once that it ‘served me’ and ‘its purpose’ and I’ve hit the ground back into reality about it and I am no longer seeing visions based on emotional and feeling experiences, then I go into the opposite polarity of talking bad about it and feeling righteous within that, without realizing that it is only the predetermined and rather predictable outcome from an initial positive experience that I created with such ‘passion’ about it that when the whole experience was no more, I ‘dropped’ down to the bottom and the opposite – so it happened just like a typical relationship wherein people first get in love with each other and as time progress and the energy runs dry, they part ways and talk shit about each other, so that’s what I did toward ‘art,’ and I didn’t even realize it because to me it was so right that it hadn’t fulfilled my expectations that I believed I had ‘the right’ to feel that way about it, without seeing the obvious: it was a feeling, an emotion, a judgment that came from nothing else but the ‘who I was’ toward art and so, within this ‘dissing’ recreating my past relationship to art over and over again – trapping myself in my own past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form emotional relationships toward what I deemed as ‘my career’ or ‘my path’ which in this case was art/being an artist and within this allow a physical process to become a rather emotionally driven relationship, similar to those that I’ve walked with individuals wherein there are a lot of feelings and emotions attached to something/someone that I want to hold onto and when the relationship is no more, such dependency then turns into a ‘lack’ of this fulfillment gotten from something or someone and as such, it turns into a form of bitterness ‘toward something or someone,’ without realizing that this all is really not about ‘art’ in itself or the people in my past relationships or else, it’s about myself and how I created relationships of dependency upon others in order to ‘satisfy me’ or ‘complete me’ or give me some kind of experience to which I could define myself, build myself, construct and upgrade myself as the ego that I was wanting to be within the ‘who I am’ as a professional artist as well as within the relationship formed in relation to who I am as an artist and in relationship to others.

 

Therefore I realize that the best way to follow through with this is to entirely let go of my experiences toward my past specifically and so be able to give myself back to myself as being able to focus on what is here, what I am working with, what I am developing as myself and also to align my relationship to art and be able to enjoy it, visiting museums or read about it, hear it, interact with it without loading the entire experience of ‘going to the museum’ and defining myself according to that any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in the past few years and whenever I would talk about some forms of contemporary art become infuriated and a bit angry about what I defined as being utterly selfish and self-centered and ‘useless’ to the problems that I was then realizing were ‘much more important than that’ – and in this, I still agree that there are more important points in life than some kinds of art that are merely conceptual and contemplative and ‘useless’ as a tool to create practical solutions to the world – however, this obviously doesn’t justify the fact that I’ve been spiteful and holding this love-hate relationship to it, and within this only fueling an inner conflict of still being interested in or curious about the current art forms that are emerging while at the same time judging it as useless so here

I had considered myself to feel bitter about art

art-should-be

Bitter: causing pain or unhappiness. Feeling or showing angry hurt or resentment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bitter about art as in becoming resentful toward it and toward the people that create it, not realizing that I had exactly done the opposite for a prolonged period of time which is why the inner conflict arose in the first place, all based on me wanting to make of art the quintessential human experience and making it the most ‘honorable profession on Earth’ or so, and so believing that being an artist was the same or similar thing as to say I was chosen by god and/or touched by god, so in essence a lot of delusions of grandeur that I created within me and that I projected toward art. So, this bitterness as in being angry, resentful, dissatisfied toward art has to do with me having to let go of my own desires/hopes/dreams related to me becoming an artist. So once again, it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself but the expectations and experiences I created toward it and so, when realizing I had to stop pursuing my mind any further and only feeding my ego, that’s when the opposite relationship came up.

When and as I see myself feeling bitter about any form of art that I may see, read about or even people that create art and discuss their work – I stop and I breathe, I ensure that I am not tensing my physical body and experiencing that bolt of energy within me wanting to ‘let them know the truth about their creation’ which is in fact nothing else but me wanting to ‘express’ through reaction, as if I had ‘the truth’ within myself and so within this actually becoming nothing more than an ego that wants to be recognized for ‘my new position’ which is not really supportive but only a packet of resentment, judgments and overall bitterness toward that which I once praised.

I realize that this all comes from how much the entirety of ‘my world’ and ‘myself’ that I deemed as ‘real’ and ‘genuine’ were in fact not, so this whole relationship with art I remember very well was the first initial ‘big hit’ that I took when understanding who we are as the mind, as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system and that the thing I feared losing the most was the personality I had created through/as art and having chosen that path for myself, which is why that initial big fear of loss about this self-definition had such a ‘big impact’ in the aftermath, wherein I allowed myself to not be entirely self-directive toward art but instead then create the opposite polarity and so still participating within the mind. And this came through even though I believed I was ‘well over with it,’ only to test out not long ago that there were still reactions coming through the more ‘artistic’ documentaries I would watch and wanting to ignore the reactions to it until I simply believed that I had to ‘speak my mind’ about it – and yes, it was ‘my mind’ and a till here no further to when and as I see myself questioning or asking another about their creation from the starting point of the ‘bitter drop-out of an artist’ that I became in my mind, and so stop defining myself based on the choices of the past and focus on communicating or creating a dialogue based on what we can learn from it, what can be useful to understand our human condition or even innovate and take points to be creative in the ways that I can support myself and others through this process while using art as a supportive tool for it, without endowing it the entire ‘duty’ of ‘changing the world’ in itself, which as I’ve previously discussed, it’s impossible.

When and as I see myself wanting to create an experience of spite or disdain and bitterness toward ‘art’ and seeing it as useless or pointless while at the same time being curious about it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that both the negative and positive experiences are only re-creations of the ‘who I was’ in the past as an art-lover and then the who I became as the anti-thesis of that which was pretty much being very critical toward art within a negative context, and so I simply stop, breathe and observe/interact with it without creating any experience but rather seeing it objectively for what it is. And this is the challenge really because I had cult-ivated the experiences attached to works of art and becoming emotional about it, which I also learned from books at the same time. So I realize that all of my emotions and feelings are in fact nothing else but knowledge and information that I’ve translated into energetic experiences that serve no purpose for me to interact with something or someone.

 

I commit myself to be able to be here as breath while witnessing performances, watching/visiting museums or art galleries and also to remain here as breath when getting too excited about seeing something because that’s also once again recreating the same pattern of the visual vicious – which I’ve talked about extensively of – and so realize it’s just images, it’s just pictures, it’s just a part of reality and the only way I can ‘react’ to something is if I ‘load’ all my past-definitions in order to react based on memories and the knowledge that I had built around art and the ‘who I am’ toward art. So I can practically simply stop those past definitions and focus on reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read about the Stendhal syndrome in some book and consider that I would get this kind of experiences such as seeing ‘the sublime’ and mostly images that would depict the end of the world, which is why I focused myself so much on depicting the end of the world and getting a kick out of it, and believe that these emotions were ‘normal’ to me and that I had all the right to ‘express them’ but, the reality is that it was all a self-created experience and that there was no ‘magic’ or ‘real connection’ to painting or anything like that which I believed was something ‘special’ within me. Therefore I realize that these experiences were pretty much all created within my desperate need to ‘feel something’ because I had deemed the ability to ‘feel’ as in becoming emotional as special, as sensitive, as ‘unique’ in a human being – and so I created my own web of experiences according to how I would see others would feel and so mimic it, read books that were very emotional and then going determining what I would find as ‘emotional’ and what I would like to experience and so integrate as part of the ‘who I was’ as the characters that I read about and that I eventually wanted to create for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made of past relationships as something conflictive and filled with ‘turmoil’ inside my mind as I realize that this was also part of the definition of who I wanted to be as a very sensitive person in order to be able to have stories to tell or talk about, as I believed that I had to suffer to make any real art. Therefore, I realize that any experience I created toward something or someone wasn’t part of reality as such, but entirely self created in my mind. Within this, I realize that also in my relationships the experiences I created about others were never ‘real’ as such, but only the plethora of experiences and definitions I created upon them – that’s why once the energy ran dry and seeing the individuals or situations that I was in within my life with sober eyes and frame of mind, the ‘truth’ of myself and the interactions with others/something came through as it is.

 

So a way to redefine a relationship it is to first of all no longer define tit through/as an emotion or feeling, something that we believe is ‘real’ in the mind based on memories, ideas, beliefs, past experiences that we then make real as our preference, as that which ‘we want,’ without taking physical reality into consideration.

Therefore an emotional relationship will always end up as a ‘fuck-up’ if it is not aligned to physical reality wherein I can stand as an individual that first of all ponders what it is that I sought in my relationship with something/someone that I believed I didn’t have myself, alone – and so realize that whichever I was expecting to get from ‘art’ or someone in my life were and had been all points of separation, illusions that I believed were unable to be experienced within me. So this is how the best way to create a relationship with someone or something is to ensure that it is seen through the eyes of physical reality, where no emotions, feelings, no past experiences, no ideals, wants, needs or desires become a decisive factor in terms of defining who I am toward others, as all I have to consider is myself and within doing that I can then interact with something/someone based on the principles that I can integrate within myself, as the relationship that I want to establish for myself so that no matter what I do, where I am, with who or alone, I remain stable, supporting myself, getting to know about others in the relationships formed with my reality, recognizing myself as one and equal with them, instead of seeing them as points to ‘fulfill me’ or things/experiences that I believed I lacked.

I realize that it’s been supportive to revisit this aspect of ‘my relationship to art’ to review my state of affairs in relation to other relationships based on emotions in the past, and so to focus on preventing further ‘fuckups’ as the ups and downs and polarity relationships of ‘love and hate’ as that is all of the mind –  instead there are more physical aspects and perspectives to consider here as well.

Life on Earth in itself is built through relationships, so I cannot define relationships only as personal relationships with something or someone, but rather realize that we are all made of and constantly require and exist as relationships that define the way we live in our world – therefore the more we are able to act, participate and be part of these relationships in a physical and common sensical manner without being driven by desires, hopes, dreams, fantasies and illusions, the more we will be able to begin changing the focus of our reality – from the distraction that emotional relationships are to a rather physical process of aligning ourselves to that which enables our coexistence in the best possible manner – no feelings/emotions required for that, no special relationships but rather the equalization and realization of who I am as this interdependence

 

to be continued…

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To learn more about how to establish proper Relationships suggest the Re-defining Relationships – Agreement Course  as well as:


390. Making Decisions Based on Feelings, Not Facts

 

Continuing from:

Quote from “The Love/Hate Relationship with Art” entry: The point is I tried to make My definition of Art fit with what would enable me to use it to demonstrate that it is possible to change the world. However I realized that no matter how many images I make, how many pictures I take, how many great ideas I would have I was entirely mostly having an imaginative outflow of how this could operate without ever really landing it into any serious/real project. I always kept everything at a low-fi level because right after the first year in Art school, I discovered Desteni and my interests veered dramatically – hence the ‘shutting down’ of any pursue to further my career to make a name of myself etc..

 

Patterns:

1. The idea of Art as an instrument to “Change the World.” Suiting something according to my interests, to justify my ends in order to cover up another self-definition I am wanting to hold on to – in this case wanting to make the definition of art suit my current interests so that I’m able to say that ‘I’m still doing a form of art, even if it’s not conventional,’ without realizing that it’s merely a definition in itself and that as such, I have to stop making this definition suit my interest around art, and merely see the actions/deeds for what they are and imply.

2. Expecting something to ‘happen to me’, someone to ‘save me,’ someone to ‘find me’ instead of me moving myself in order to make things happen, to become my own directive principle instead of hoping, waiting or fantasizing about the things that can happen ‘in the future.’

3. The idea that something outside of myself can ‘change the world’ in itself, in this case that I could ‘change the world’ through creating art, or that art should be used to demonstrate that we can change the world, when in fact this is once again delegating to something/someone the ability to change, without realizing that there can be many catalysts for change, practical presentations for it – but it will only ever work if we implement it, integrate it, live it and become it ourselves and by ‘change’ I mean becoming an individual that takes responsibility for our creation, that learn how to coexist with everyone else as equals and as such participates to create a world where everyone is supported to live in dignity. Where does that begin? Within self only. A system, a structure can support and promote the change, but it is about each one of us integrating such change within ourselves to make it real. Therefore ‘art’ in itself cannot change the world, only we can one by one.

4. Giving up on something based on seeing ‘no result’ in a short period of time, without taking into consideration that everything in this world and reality requires actual work, time, dedication, constancy and consistency as well as patience to have something be developed in order to give fruition. So giving up on something/someone based on not getting any ‘quick results’ is rather a mechanism of self-sabotage where I am expecting things to work ‘instantaneously’ instead of considering a plan, a structure, the practical steps and timeframes, methods and ways to make something function/work to give the expected results. This means: no wishful thinking.

5. Blaming something/someone for sidetracking from my initial purposes, I have realized how we usually blame something/someone in order to not recognize our sole responsibility to our decisions, words, thoughts and deeds.

6. Making decisions in my life based on emotions and feelings, wishful thinking, desires and fantasies –  mostly going for what ‘feels good’ and avoiding what according to my ego/personalities felt ‘not right’/ ‘not good’ – instead of considering the actual physical space-time planning, structure, steps, time and consequences of the decisions

 

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Self Forgiveness on these patterns:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shape a definition of ‘art’ that would suit my personal interests of wanting it to be the ‘tool to change the world’ without realizing that in this equation I was separating myself from such change and only considering that ‘art’ had to be that ‘for me,’ and because I didn’t see results this way in the short-run then I gave it up completely, without realizing that this is a usual pattern wherein I expect things to ‘do something for me’ instead of me being the directive principle within everything that I do – as such it makes sense that a single image, or drawing or video or else can do the ‘change’ process in itself, and as such it is only a tool that can support with the realization and recognition of change that I have to still conduct, apply, live within myself as everyone else as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this definition of art as the quote by Ernst Fischer that also later on I had a ‘fuck it they’ve done it all first’ moment when seeing that in the beginning of the Zeitgeist movie they used this quote that I was cherishing as ‘the foundation’ for my ‘art project’ in itself which is the quote from his book ‘The Necessity of Art’

“In a decaying society, art, if it is truthful, must also reflect decay. And unless it wants to break faith with its social function, art must show the world as changeable. And help to change it”

And with this, believe that I had to always s stick to these definitions, quotes and theories to justify what I wanted to do with my life as an ‘agent of social change’ and still ‘stick’ to my career, just because of the fear of being seen as a ‘dropout’ or someone that didn’t follow-through with art-creation, which is all based on the beliefs and expectations that I believed people had created upon me, because the career is definitely one that I chose for social-recognition upon something that I considered I was ‘special’ within – therefore the whole conflict of having to justify what I do within an artistic context, without realizing that if we look at it beyond definitions, the process of change and being the example of what it means to change is what I am doing and what I’ve decided to do with my life in function of creating a better world, to establish living principles of creation where there exist barely non at the moment, and as such once again using ‘artistic creations’ and creativity as tools with which to do this, without forgetting that I do not require to justify what I do within an artistic concept for the sake of ‘sticking to my career-choice’ as an idea of ‘who I am.’

I realize that instead I can share how I can apply these principles to what I do/ who I am and the practical ways in which I’ve realized we can conduct this change in our decaying society – whoever I commit myself to no longer wanting to justify what I do within this imperative need to make of my life and my decisions as ‘still’ artistic or part of my career choice, as that single theoretical link that I’m attempting to create is what re-enacts the relationship conflict in relation to me and the studies I took on, without realizing that what really matters is not a tag, a name, a definition but how these principles are lived and applied in real-practical living.

Another pattern is ‘giving up’ on something if it doesn’t satisfy my expectations and not putting it all the effort to make it work, because in the mind I always expect quantum results and having immediate effect of my expectations in this case and example, the entire intent behind everything that I would do as an ‘artistic creation/ project’ was to ‘fit in’ my own desires to make my inner process ‘artistic’ as well, and it can be done and for sure it’s even compatible – though the point here is to point out how within this starting point, I was once wanting the ‘artwork’ to do its effect by itself, and kind of hoping that someone would just ‘notice it’ and make me famous type of ideals, which is really unrealistic because nothing in physical reality really works that way

And within this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imprint a form of hope and ‘waiting’ with myself and my career, my ‘art’ because I was kind of expecting that someone would knock on my door and discover my creations and make me famous type of ideal and unreality. And this is what I see I had built also around my own ‘career choice,’ wherein I had not defined a plan for my future in fact, but just kind of getting myself into the art world and having something/someone come to me or happen to me that would ‘lead me’ to become successful at it, so there was a lot of wishful thinking, positive thinking involved in wanting this to materialize ‘by itself,’ kind of only having ‘the work do its work,’ which is certainly not how reality works and as such

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to give up on my creative skills because of not seeing ‘any results,’ which is the pattern of giving up on something if not getting the expected results right away in turn, which is what happens when I do not consider the actual effort, the actual process of making something work, something be successful, any enterprise that I embark myself on and not expect it to be ‘successful’ right away, but rather work within the accumulation principle wherein the amount of time, work and effort invested onto a business/ an enterprise or anything that I have committed myself to do, is not going to be ‘minimal’ or ‘very little’ as in this reality everything takes time, effort, patience, constancy, consistency, developing further skills, developing further relationships and all of this implies that what I attempted to do with my life and my wishful thinking about my artistic career was not founded upon physical, practical planning and considerations but that I absolutely just ‘jumped into the boat’ because it sounded great and it satisfied my intentions back then when I made the decision to study art – so within this,

I realize that when we make decisions based on emotions/feelings and dreams, it will most likely be crashing down on the pavement back to reality because it was all a temporary foam that I created in my mind as ‘my future,’ without any real consideration of the work, the time, the money, the people, the places, the relationships, the materials, the skills or anything of that, but only wanting to kind of have something/someone ‘make me famous’ or ‘make me successful,’ which is no different to how we as human beings tend to be hoping and waiting that something/someone will come to save us, just because we haven’t yet realized or learned that we can only make things happen if we move within it, if we invest the time, money, effort, patience, consistency that goes with making any plan, any enterprise work.

Further support for business and non-business people on this point: Time = Money – The Soul of Money

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind covertly ‘blame process’ for me not having followed through with my career, without realizing that such ‘blame’ is in fact looking at the actual regret and realizing the nature of the decisions I made in my life, wherein instead of taking absolute responsibility for my life and realizing the lack of practical planning and decision making processes that I had to make, I instead realized the flimsy planning – if any – I had created for me and my life and as such only finished school for the sake of ‘finishing it’ but my ‘heart’ as they say was not into it any longer, because I realized the expectations, dreams and ideals that I entered to school with, which all came ‘tumbling down’ when realizing the reality that I had missed in my decisions – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite myself in this extreme of going from the absolute experience of being ‘into my career’ and giving it the most to giving it the minimum required based on the realization of my intentions behind studying art, and here instead of just forgiving myself for that and being able to walk through it without reactions, I slowly but surely built a certain experience of overall ‘regret’ about it which is how the love-hate relationship was formed. It all happened in my mind based on the positive experience I had imprinted to the idea of studying art/becoming an artist and how when realizing such positive-feelings and imaginations and hoping and dreaming about what I could do in art, I went into the polarity opposite of deeming it as something negative/bad/superficial instead of just realizing what I had done, take self responsibility for it which in a way I did in relation to finishing studies, but within myself as well wherein I am able to stand sound with understanding the context of my past decisions, walk through the consequence without imprinting ‘the consequence’ with negative experiences, as that is where the whole inner conflict was created – and yes, it is quite unnecessary when it is just a matter of walking physical moments, experiences, processes that require my participation and direction and that’s it.

I realize that what’s done is done and as such the only gift I can give to myself is being able to prevent me from once again making decisions in my life based on ‘how I feel’ about something or someone, and instead learn from the ‘mistakes’ so to speak in order to learn how to take into consideration physical reality, practical planning, realistic considerations and of course in such ‘career decision’ processes, look at the practicality of where I can employ myself and genuinely develop a financial stability with it, because I of course now realize that I could have done it differently if my decision was to remain doing artwork, it was about investing a lot of time to it, which is what I had initially planned to do – but of course, after realizing the actual practical process required in this world, my ‘decision making’ process was almost immediate when choosing to dedicate myself to walk this process that in turn I can apply into and within any other realm that I see is most practical to assist and support others to walk the same process.

I realize here that art once again can be a tool of support for this process that I’ve decided to walk – however I could not realistically see myself investing most of my time in developing certain skills that I knew I wasn’t going to be using any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a ‘fraud’ to the teachers and the people that supported me throughout my stance in art school and I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed toward them because of believing that they invested their time ‘incorrectly’ and even the ‘spot’ I had in such important school could have been used by another person that genuinely wanted to be an artist

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to take me to see ‘the bright side’ as in ‘not everything is lost because I learned a lot from some of the books, teachers and interactions in school as well as the skills,’ which in part it is so, but here it is not to once again want to ‘white wash it’ and get a positive experience out of it –here I then see things for what they are, realizing that yes I probably won’t be making etchings and using all of those techniques I learned, however if my starting point of that is ‘wasting my time’ or ‘someone else’s time,’ then I also forgive myself as that comes within the idea that I took something from someone by attending that school, without realizing that I did want to be there, I did want to learn that and as such, because we cannot turn back time I simply walked through the whole educational process till the end and that’s it. I took responsibility for my choice and now I also take responsibility for my life wherein I recognize other ways in which I can direct myself to support myself and others within this process which is my purpose in life and ‘my life’ in itself, and as such whether what I do is deemed as artistic or creative or not, is not something that matters, as this is not about definitions or how actions and words are categorized, but instead how they are lived and applied.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to step into a career with the sole purpose and idea of ‘making a name’ for myself, to further my recognition ambitions for doing something that people would consider ‘great’ without realizing that in this, I was only spiting myself because I am the one that had to face the consequences of not properly planning my decisions in life, to make sound/physical and practical decisions and not just go for how ‘good’ it made feel and how ‘nice’ my imaginations were in relation to day-dreaming of being an artist and being famous, being recognized and having the ‘time of my life’ within the context of having money, be able to ‘change the world’ – according to my dreams – and at the same time be happy and feel ‘blessed’ as that is the kind of spiritual attitude I was into when I got into art school, quite imbued with spirituality and positive thinking which is why I also allowed myself to want to ‘attract’ success and not consider physical-doings like practical planning, assessing my skills and aptitudes etc. but only choose a career based on my ‘feeling’ of ‘being special/unique’ and having this apparent ‘gift’ to create something, without realizing that we are all capable of creating something and that me taking a decision within this delusion was most likely prone to generate consequences that I am walking through as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in my life in terms of choices, people, places, careers, what ‘I like’ or what makes me ‘feel special’ and what I accept in my life based on experience, based on what ‘felt good’ what felt ‘right’ according to my personalities, and veer off from that which didn’t satisfy my ego, my desire to be doing something ‘more creative’ based on how I defined ‘creativity’ on plastic arts mostly, which as I’ve walked is rather limiting if we only recognized our ability to create based on making ‘art works.’

Therefore, I realize that in my life I made many decisions based on feeling, on the experience, on the beliefs, on the expectations, on the dream-like state that I would usually fuel myself with in order to actually evade looking at the reality that I had considered was ‘too awful’ to face and to walk thoroughly as any other individual. Meaning that my decision to be ‘an artist’ was precisely to be ‘eccentric’ and to be ‘acceptable’ within such eccentricity meaning outside of the regular circles of society because of having a judgment toward ‘the system’ and ‘society’ as a whole based on seeing how politics, education systems, money works and the lack thereof, which is why upon facing this ‘insanity’ I kind of decided to make myself ‘insane’ as well as the ‘good reflection of society’ that I was planning to be and become, and so be able to ‘create’ from such image and likeness of the system. Hence the nature of self-destruction portrayed in what I created, even if I was not able to say ‘why’ I only see death and destruction mostly, sadness, depression and overall madness, which was just me trying to become that and do that to myself and the world to not face the responsibility to it, as it’s easier to ‘destroy’ than deconstruct, reconstruct and create something new and stable again.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize or ‘remember’ that my ‘initial intent’ of what I wanted to be and become in my life was in the very beginning before art was ‘in my life,’ to study a career that would make me have a lot of money and be able to ‘travel around the world’ – the usual ‘dreams’ that came with me initially wanting to become a financial advisor wherein I could use my ‘skills’ in a profitable manner. I also recognize that studying art was my way of apparently ‘spiting my parents/others’ that believed that I was going to study some ‘great and complicated career’ based on the supposed intelligence I had, wherein I realized that the only way to ‘turn the tables’ and not follow the pattern, was to study something wherein what I do wasn’t able to be graded with A’s for ‘being right’ but where I could challenge other skills and abilities that to my perception were not able to get ‘ratings,’ without realizing later on that they would still be rated in the same manner any other school work gets rated, which got me irate and furious the very first time that I considered I had placed ‘all my effort’ into something, for months on, working even in my supposed ‘leisure time’ with the attempt to get an A and I got a B and that was ‘heartbreaking’ for me because I was expecting my work to be recognized as ‘good.’ In this I realize that even if I wanted to supposedly ‘escape’ the grading system and the apparent skills I had by ‘studying art,’ I later on realized that art and the art world is no different to any other part of this system that we live in, wherein it is not this wonderland where system-laws don’t apply – and that is how I was able to also burst my own bubble of escapism when realizing that art was no different to any other part of this reality that is managed by ourselves, individuals and that it doesn’t really imply something entirely ‘different’ to any other career because it is still existent within the context of a world system where what you do is assessed and valued in order to be sold as a product so that one can have money to eat. And that makes it no different to any other career or profession – so even within this, I realized that there was no really a way ‘out’ of the system, which then became another reason to be disillusioned at ‘the art world,’ without realizing that any ‘disillusionment’ is really created based on the initial positive ideals that I had formed around it, which means: I did this all to myself and as such, it is not a ‘guilt trip’ now, as that would evade me from walking now the self-responsibility to my decisions and my life in itself and the decision making processes that I will now consider in practical and physical terms, not based on feelings/emotions and ideals.

 

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Suggest watching the following Desteni I Process Google Hangouts:

To learn more about the mind and how you can make informed decisions in your life, visit:


389. Are Emotions Necessary to Be Creative?

Demystifying artistic endeavors and the experience during creative processes.

Continuing from:

 

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For further context, an emotion is a usually negative experience that in my case I would use as a reason, starting point and ‘catalyst’ to create art. Now, one would believe that ‘negative experiences’ are usually undesirable, however in my case they became similar to how a person would want to hold on to happiness because of enjoying the experience of it. This is how I became a person that was more used to being within emotions rather than feelings – and the reason why being because I linked my experience as a response to me seeing the world around me and making ‘no sense of it,’ and as such having wanted to ‘escape’ it through my experience and my hobby, among other relationships and habits that were intertwined as a way to define ‘me’ as an emotional person that is too sensitive to the state of the world in which I would get to ‘feel good’ in such emotional states – therefore the context of this is to realize that an emotional experience even if it’s negative it is no different to being living through mostly feelings and ‘positive experiences’ as both are energy-based experiences that exist at a mind level.

 

Self Forgiveness on Emo-creations:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define the word ‘expression’ based on artistic creation and thus limit the word expression to be immediately linked to ‘creating artworks’ or producing a formal piece of art mostly through drawing and painting wherein I would define expressing as experiencing an emotion or feeling within me and producing something while experiencing such feeling or emotion, sometimes of anger, sometimes of gloom and doom – most of the times – sometimes a yearning, hope, hopelessness and some other times just imagining what it would be to live in a perfect world, sadness – all of these I had defined as ‘my expression’ because at that time I had linked the ‘who I am’ entirely intertwined with emotions. This I now realize is not who I really am as those are emotions and feelings that I created a relationship with based on how I would experience myself within them, and thus how I accepted them as ‘who I am’ and eventually believing that ‘this is My expression’ which means an experience that is generated while creating an artwork.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe at that time that my expression was ‘unique’ and that means that my constant ‘mood’ or ‘state of being’ as any of these emotions were my catalyst to express myself/to create – therefore that is how the moment that I stopped being hopeless, angry, sad or moody I stopped ‘expressing myself’ as in creating any artwork, just because of how much I had linked the two points in relation to my emotional experience. Therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my creative abilities and skills based on ‘how I would feel’ and as such determining and defining that I could only ‘express myself’ if I was feeling in a particular ‘mood’ and thus dooming myself to only ‘feel creative’ based on an emotional experience, without realizing that a creative process has nothing to do with an emotional experience as it is a physical act of arranging certain elements to create something physical, to develop certain skills and that has nothing to do with an emotion directing my hand or my use of materials to do something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit the expression of ‘I’m feeling creative’ to an experience, an emotion such as sadness, hopelessness, anger or general state of doom and gloom that I would then get excited about in order to ‘let it all out’ in a painting or drawing or writing sometimes as well, which I see is all linked to how I would hear/read about other artists like painters or musicians or writers how they would feel a certain way when they would create at their best, and so believing within myself in a way that because I was stopping my emotional participation and feeling experiences, then I wasn’t going to be able to create ‘good stuff’ any longer – which is then limiting my creation to emotions and feelings and it shouldn’t be so.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘want to turn back time’ in order to change my decisions in life, which is rather not possible and it indicates that I haven’t dealt with the fact that I chose something based on my emotional experience about it and as such I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to choose and make decisions in my life based on how I felt about it, based on my emotional experience and pursuing further emotional involvement in my life, without then knowing or even realizing how this was going to only lead me to continue being in a certain state of mind and ‘mood’ wherein I would have not been able to be stable as I am now since I had linked – back then – the creative process to emotions, a continued state of doom and gloom and be glorified by it – which is something that I saw was ‘special’ about people like Frida Kahlo for example who became a background influence and how I saw suffering as the key for her to make real art, as well as that whole blog I wrote about ‘You’ll need to suffer to make any real art’ as I realize that it’s about time that we as humanity move from linking emotions and feelings to creations that can become a supportive tool to realize ourselves, instead of glorifying emotions and feelings and keep us all trapped in the same mindset of being a ‘tormented sensitive individual in this evil world’ which is how I would see myself back then.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘feel creative’ when I was frustrated and angry for me not being ‘creating anything’ and as such the last time that I painted for a day or so, I was experiencing mostly emotions that I tried to once again ‘let out’ through the creative process which is rather like a mindfuck really because I realize that painting is a physical act of having materials that one use to arrange and imprint and mold and shape things in order to be arranged as a final product/ a final something that I create. So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was incapable of creating anything ‘good’ without experiencing emotions such as sadness or being depressed and so linking my own stability to ‘not having anything to express’ or even ‘not being able to express now because I am not feeling that same way.’

I realize that it is about then dissociating any creative process from ‘how I feel’ or the ‘emotions’ I once believed I had to experience in order for me to ‘feel creative’ and realize that being creative is not a feeling, but a doing, a physical act of arranging certain matters and elements or images that I then use to create something that either generates a specific visual product or creative writing etc – anything that can be used to provide a message, to ‘say something’ through images or words or sounds or it all together. This is how then I see that my creative expression is linked to the media, the tools, the elements I can use to generate an expression, a message and that these are all conscious decisions and physical actions/moves to generate it and that I do not require an emotion to do it.

When and as I see myself believing that ‘I need to ‘feel creative’ as in being in a certain mood to create’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am limiting myself to experiencing emotions and not ‘any’ emotion but very specific ones in order to link it to ‘feeling creative’ which is not acceptable as I’ve already seen, realized and understood that ‘creating’ is a physical act, an intellectual process of picking elements and arranging them in order to produce a physical/digital product that I use to ‘express’ something, without this ‘expression’ meaning an emotion or a feeling only – but sometimes it is for the sheer aesthetics of it, sometimes in order to provide my own version of something I see in the world and this thus means stopping seeing ‘art’ as this emotional-creative process and creation as that is rather limiting once that I realize that I am here, I am a physical being and don’t really require emotions to exist and create.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘something is missing’ while creating something and seeing it as ‘pointless’ because I had mostly defined the process of creation as ‘having to generate an experience within me’ and if this was not in place, then It was ‘useless’ – so this is obviously me as the mind speaking and defining what ‘gives it a kick’ as an experience, an emotion while creating something or afterward when seeing the ‘final product’ instead of realizing that anything we create is a physical thing and I do not require to ‘feel’ something while looking at it, while doing it or being creating something – as this would only be ‘feeding the mind’ that seeks an energetic experience out of it. So this implies that expression is just that, me extending myself to use what I have available to say something, to do something, to arrange something in a way that I decide it to be and with a particular purpose – and this is then only doing that, creating something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the definition of something being ‘pointless’ as in not getting an experience out of it in relation to the process of creating something or the final product thereof, based on how I would deem myself as ‘having a point’ or ‘having a reason’ to create when early on I would have people observing ‘my creations’ and writing about it or leaving comments or even poems to which I defined that ‘It meant something, I had a point’ and so when all of this stopped essentially because I stopped wanting to feed this ego of mine, then because I knew I wasn’t going to get the ‘energy fix’ out of it, then it became ‘pointless’ without realizing that this is once again the polarity creation of me first getting an energetic-kick out of ‘my creations’ and then when I stopped generating this emotions and experiences around it, then I saw it as ‘pointless’ – it’s only the mind speaking.

When and as I see myself having the starting point of ‘creating something’ based on the expectations of feedback, comments or others ‘admiring it’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that anything I create is a process that I conduct out of my own volition, for my own support and to ‘straighten my ideas’ instead of expecting others to like it or praise it or comment on it, as this is already a conditional point to my expression based on ‘how others receive it’ which is usually how the ego that I formed in relation to ‘being an artist’ operates: doing things that would make me feel something while doing them, and also confirm such ‘specialness’ through the feedback I’d get from others. In this believing that without such ‘experience’ then it would be similar to rather doing nothing as ‘I would get nothing out of it’ lol, which is just ‘not getting and not participating’ in the ego-kick I had defined art to do ‘for me.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the idea of ‘being creative’ to ‘being an artist’ and as such believing that ‘I am no longer creative because I am no longer emotional’ without realizing that this ‘linkage’ was created within the ‘who I was’ in the past and now I realize that being creative is simply having the ability to use what is here in order to ‘make’ something, to do something that can be supportive to convey a message, to be a supportive tool to illustrate something or sometimes just to make it for ‘the sake of it’ – however I understand that there is now the aspect of self-responsibility in everything that I create either at a mental or physical level and as such, I realize that doing something for the sake of ‘feeling’ something is not viable and not supportive – therefore I allow myself to see the word ‘creative’ or ‘being creative’ as what it means: doing something, making something from ‘scratch’ meaning using the elements that we have available in a particular order or arrangement to make something ‘new’ out of it – even if we cannot really create something ‘out of nothing’ as we always use what is here anyways.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘because of Process I stopped creating’ when in fact it was me through my limited definition of ‘being creative only when I’m emotional’ that I then saw that it was ‘not possible’ for me to create while being ‘stopping participation in emotions and feelings’ and also because of linking ‘creating’ and ‘being an artist’ to already pursuing an experience of ‘being more than/ being special/ being unique/ having to build up this unique presentation of myself’ which are all stereotypes I’ve picked up throughout the years based on how I carefully planned myself, my ego/personality adding up bits and bits that would shape me into becoming the ‘special’ individual I wanted myself to be back then. Therefore when realizing the starting point of my decision to study art, to ‘be creative’ and to follow through with it all into a career, I stopped wanting to have anything to do with it based on my own self-dishonesty as the starting point to it. Hence the ‘hate’ experience toward it that emerged was based on me having to let go of that which I had first given a lot of value, time, effort to create – and so it was like having to deconstruct that which I had invested a lot of time, effort, money on and so believe that now that I have to deconstruct the ‘ego’ of myself that I’ve created as an artist, I cannot now dedicate myself to this as it would be dishonest’ without realizing that such statement is rather limiting as well, and nothing else but holding the same relationship of friction and conflict with it, instead of establishing an equality toward this profession and treat it like any other profession, instead of wanting to ‘scratch it out’ of my life almost – yet at the same time liking and enjoying even watching/looking at the stuff that I did before.

Therefore I realize that in order to align myself to this profession it is to precisely not look at it within the eyes and mind-frame of the ‘who I was’ as that is certainly not here as myself as the decision of who I want to be and become any longer, and it would be rather difficult for me to pretend to ‘feel’ the same way I used to – but this doesn’t mean that I don’t have now the ability to create/be creative and use any material, tool or media to do create something that can be useful to convey a message. I realize that most of my limitation to ‘create’ comes from re-enacting the overall cycle of regretting my decisions, regretting my choice of career and using this to stop me or preventing me from doing anything ‘creative’ or create something, which doesn’t make sense as it is only me in my mind preventing me from doing something based on the definitions I’ve charged to even the moment of preparing myself to pain or create something, believing that I should be ‘feeling’ in a certain mood, while I realize now that it doesn’t have to be that way at all now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in my mind as the ‘who I was’ apply the usual extremism of ‘If I won’t get my emotional fix from it, then I want nothing to do with it’ which is kind of like a tantrum kind of experience or even self-spitefulness when realizing that I cannot continue ‘feeding’ my obsessions so to speak, and creating this ‘special aura’ around myself as ‘the artist’ or any emotional experience and as such, there’s also that layer of not being able to now use art to ‘generate these things for me, therefore I dump it’ and so going into the polarity aspect of denigrating it, seeing it as useless/pointless based on the definitions I had created about it. I realize that in doing this I do nothing but reactivate the grudge or regret or any other experience I had held toward ‘art’ or my career or anything related to ‘artists’ themselves, instead of seeing them and the profession in itself as a any other occupation in this world that one can use and become it in order to direct a new way to live it, to participate in society, to create and innovate ways in which change at an individual level can be conducted.

In this case I realize that de-mystifying the artistic-personality as a highly emotional individual is quite overrated and I realize that it was my ideas, beliefs and perceptions that shaped this definition within me and that an artist itself should not be other than a human being that can use creative processes at a physical and intellectual level in order to provide his/her own view of the world in order to convey a message, or express something that can be received by others as a way of communication.

I commit myself to be able to use any media, elements and skills that I realize can be used to generate a product or ‘something’ that I can use to convey a message, no different to writing and no different to being painting or drawing or creating images, as we can communicate in many ways as human beings, using different tools and methods to it – therefore I use what is here without defining it any longer within the constrains of  my old definition of art, but redefine art as a human creation that is conveying a message, is saying something and that’s it. It doesn’t have to me more or less than that which is equal to everything and everyone else that is here as life.

 

I commit myself to not link words like ‘expression’ or ‘creativity’ to only exist within the past-mindframe of ‘artistic expression’ but to identify them within the physical context that they imply which is me deciding to use certain elements and tools to make something, arrange something in order to give it a purpose, a meaning, and an intent within it.

 

I realize how these experiences stem from the relationship I formed toward art, meaning a relationship of separation wherein I would ‘get something out of it’ for my own mind-benefit and this is how when stopping that benefit – no different to stopping any other relationship with an individual – it is like the ‘shortage’ of experience makes me believe that it is ‘its fault’ or that I should now avoid and have to do nothing with the source of ‘temptation’ so to speak, without realizing that this is how we create our dramas as humans beings with these love-hate experiences based on how we would believe ourselves to ‘benefit’ from something, without understanding the actual relationship of separation formed in the first place.

So this is how through equalizing myself to myself, my ability to do/create/direct and make things is my own decision, my own ability and there’s nothing ‘more’ to it other than what it is as any other point that I create, arrange or direct as they are all also creative processes as well – no more and no less.

 

 

Trees are black

Suggest watching the following Desteni I Process Google Hangouts:

 

To learn more about the mind and how you can use your creative skills constructively to support yourself and others, visit:


388. Regretting Choices and Definitions

 

Continuing from:

 

Self Forgiveness on:

I require to open up – again – the relationship with art. I’ve noticed that I created some sort of past bad relationship experience with it, similar to the ones that I’ve had with people throughout my life wherein there were things unsaid, situations undirected and just cutting it up from one day to another without further communication. I realize I’ve done this with art creation and the general regret I’ve had in terms of the decision I took some 8 years ago to go to art school and actually drop out from my first choice which was linguistics and which would have probably been a lot more supportive for me to have as a degree than arts, and so there goes regret as well for the choices I made in the delusion of ‘I want to express myself ’ and limit that definition to only ‘arts’ and specifically visual arts. To begin with, a disclaimer here is to understand that I am walking/writing out my frame of mind and that whichever judgment I place here in relation to arts/artists/creative processes in art is what I’ve conjured up throughout time and self-reflection about my decisions in life and in no way does this imply an actual ‘bashing’ as all of these judgments, ideas, perceptions, conceptions will be self-forgiven.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the moment of creating something as an image, a picture, a painting as something rather ‘pointless’ and useless in which ‘I have wasted my time’ and in this generating the overall idea that ‘doing art’ is a waste of time – without looking at how I began to define what I would do as ‘art work’ as ‘meaningless’ and ‘pointless’ when I began to understand my motives, my purpose behind ‘being an artist’ myself – wherein I wanted to Define ME according to my creation, according to every single drawing, painting, photograph, video or any other creation that would be part of my ego-construction as the ‘who I believe myself to be’ and all of this based on the premise of ‘me wanting to be famous’ or ‘me wanting to be recognized as special and unique’ and so, when the time came for me to debunk myself, my own ego-construction of ‘who I am’ as ‘an artist,’ then all of the experiences and definitions that I had attached onto painting, drawing, doing anything creative even with words, photographs, videos… all of it I then judged as ‘useless’ or ‘pointless’ because they were not going to fulfill My idea of what these things were meant to be doing For Me before, which was ‘building my ego.’ And as such, when I stop participating in the creation of my ego through my artworks and my so called ‘special vision’ I then create a polarity relationship toward my creations because I could no longer see them as unique or special or anything like that, and instead of seeing them just for the matter/materials and arrangements that they are, I went into an opposite experience defining these creations as pointless, egotistical and useless without realizing the polarity judgments I was creating based on having first defined artistic creations with all positive experiences such as a genuine representation and expression of who I am, and what I want to express to the world – which came with the imprint of ‘me’ as special and unique. So this is to identify the polarity relationship I created based on my own definitions

I realize that therefore the experience that I’ve generated toward ‘art’ in general doesn’t provide a solution to the problems in this world – and within this generalizing what ‘art’ is based on what expectations I didn’t get fulfilled for myself within the relationship formed toward Art itself, and this is how it is no different to how we can ‘call names’ to something or someone that doesn’t satisfy us based on the ideals that we created about it, yet I didn’t work on in order to manifest these ideals into reality either.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want ‘art’ to be and become this ‘tool’ with which I can ‘change the world,’ without realizing that I then caged myself within my own intentions, definitions and purpose I gave to ‘art’ in itself – instead of myself – and as such, when I saw that these aims and purposes were not ‘fulfilled’ in a rather noticeable manner or ‘short span,’ then I simply gave it up because I realized that there were other ways to make this process of self-change more tangible and noticeable other than paintings, drawings, little videos or else as these creations were mostly born within the intention of myself as ego, as the idea of being able to create a name for myself and be glorified by it and missing out the entire point that I now see is more relevant, which is not self-glorification but to utilize our skills, our talents to provide a key for others to start questioning reality and start considering another way in which we are able to live and as such, change the world in a practical manner, which begins within self;

I initially have had certain ideas imprinted within my decision to create art which were among others to evade the world – without realizing one cannot really do this – being able to become a special/unique individual with this amazing vision of the world – and within this, I decided to rather focusing on myself, my own deconstruction of the ego I had become and reconstruct myself as an individual that can genuinely be and become an example of what it is to focus on what matters in this world within the principle of doing what’s best for everyone, what can create and generate actual changes in this world and within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘art’ as being unable to do this, and this is where I clarify that it is not that ‘art’ in itself isn’t able to do the work, as it is ourselves as human beings the ones that are responsible for using whichever tools and means we have and see can be effective to share a message with others and provide solutions to our lives within our minds where we usually only see problems and conflicts.

I realize that I had delegated some kind of ‘magic power’ to art to be this transformational tool that can in itself ‘change people’s lives’ which is rather pretentious, non realistic and even with bits of spiritual approach that I had initially also commenced with in my relationship with art as well – therefore I now see, realize and understand that art in any of it forms or definitions for that matter, can be used as a tool to support the realization of ourselves as human beings, to portray the problems and the solutions that we can all give direction to – but in no way can I expect this ‘thing’ or ‘concept’ as ‘art’ to do the thing for itself, as it is Always about ourselves human beings being able to give direction to ourselves with using any and all means/media/methods and tools that are existent within our world and societies as of now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship of ‘hate’ and ‘love’ toward art – wherein I went in this form of ‘hate’ based on not getting my expected results from it, or being disillusioned from the results I was expecting I would get from it, which is once again wanting this something/someone create some transcendental change for me and others in itself, without realizing that I had to give it direction, make things happen, make things works instead of just hoping or wishing that something like an artistic expression does the work in itself – it can be an aid within the purpose of assisting and supporting ourselves as human beings to ‘wake up’ and realize the work that is required to be done in order to give ourselves direction and responsibility to our world which is our creation – and in this art is not more or less than any other expression or tool or point existing in our reality that has an equal potential of being supportive within our process of self-realization and self-responsibility as equals in this world.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship of ‘love’ toward art based on the Experiences I created within me while working on it: being able to be alone, detached from the world, sinking into my imagination, being able to just ‘forget about the world’ and recreate one of my own within the starting point of someday maybe getting real fame and glory from it, being recognized as this talented unique individual that I had believed myself to be and as such, believing that ‘my thing’ was to do art, just because I wanted to give continuation to this great experience that I was building myself as through the work I was doing.

Within this I realize that it’s not about ‘bashing’ what I’ve done or now see it as pointless or useless as those are all definitions I now see and understand stem from having remained in the polarity opposite of loving it, making it special and unique – so this way I am able to now stand one and equal to any ‘artistic creation’ or ‘artwork’ in itself within the realization that it’s no different to any other thing we have created as human beings – be it a concept, a tool, a house, a business, a baby, an entire world-system – all of these are creations that entailed a creative and intellectual process in them, so that doesn’t make them ‘art works’ per se, because we’ve defined ‘art’ within a specific ‘realm’ of human creations which is how we developed the whole ‘specialness’ around it, wherein if we genuinely expand creation to anything we do, anything we say and think, then we will genuinely live as self-creators of ourselves, our world without having to tag it as ‘work of art’ since it will be a creation within the principles that each one can recognize and embrace individually: self creation in self-awareness, self responsibility, letting go of the pondering process of the individual as ‘special’ and instead focus on our creative, physical abilities that we have as human beings – both physically and mentally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ‘art’ as no different to any other failed relationship wherein it seemed as if from one day to the other I simply no longer have anything to do with the person or situation and without further communication or understanding of why we parted ways, it’s simply a ‘breakup’ of sorts wherein I have generated the usual experience of ‘not wanting to see the thing or person again’ and overall avoidance toward the point/person in my life as if that was a clear way to deal with it. I realize that this is mostly suppressing the problem, suppressing what caused the breakup and believe that just by not thinking of it or avoiding looking into the point I am doing myself a favor when in fact it’s the opposite – there more I leave it ‘unresolved’ the more it becomes this ‘confusing’ thing, a mulling around that I experience toward the point or person, because I hadn’t clarified or structured my position or stance toward that person or point in my reality and as such I turn it into something I had to overall try and ‘erase’ without further consequence.

I realize now that I cannot ‘hide’ from these type of situations that I believed I had ‘dealt with’ or I had ‘walked through’ in this process in relation to art – as I realize that I hadn’t entirely clarified the self-corrective process in relation to ‘who I am’ toward art or creative process done by myself or others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to at times go into a diatribe of should I or shouldn’t I go to see this exhibition or movie or concert just because of seeing it as pointless, useless or a way to ‘activate my excitement’ without realizing that the polarity relationship of resistance was created because of all the definitions I had still held in separation of myself, such as the experiences I’d had when looking at certain paintings or movies or music – and within this believing that I had to ‘quit it’ no different to a drug that I had to let go for once and for all in order to not have to be ‘enticed’ by it once again and ‘get lost’ in it.

Now I see, realize and understand that these ‘fears’ of consequences if I would ‘delve’ into the artistic creation, were all based on the initial Desires I had placed or attributed to art and artistic creations of myself and others – therefore the sole creator of this inner conflict is obviously myself, my mind, my past habits and my apparent inability to conciliate my relationship with art to see it for what it is: matter, colors, sounds, images that I can look at in a way that is no different to appreciating or even enjoying any other part of this reality – and within that if an artistic creation can provide any support to this process of self-realization: that’s great, that’s a ‘plus’ point in relation to what I see is necessary for us to realize in this world – but, in no way does it mean that because an artwork, a film, or certain music aren’t related to a process of self-realization or ‘changing the world’ will it make it useless and pointless as those are solely my own beliefs, projections and even bitterness based on the polarity relationship I had created toward art in this love-hate paradigm, which is absolutely unnecessary once that I realize that it’s all about me letting go of still holding a relationship to art as something ‘special’ as that’s why I then kept separating ‘art’ or ‘artistic creations’ from the rest of the world and reality and people/beings in it, just because in my mind I have developed this judgmental filter toward anything that looks like, sounds like, works like something ‘artistic.’ Lol which is kind of funny and rather contradictory when understanding that separation is created by myself in my mind and I cannot advocate being one and equal to everything if there’s still a special love-hate relationship toward something or someone.

I realize that through stopping participation in judging/defining ‘art’ within a special bubble, then I can rather focus at looking, understanding and comprehending any part of reality including ‘artistic works’ for the human creation it is, for the intent it has and essentially assess that in the same manner and way that I asses a person, a person’s words, any other part of our reality, how we interact, how we create our relationships etc. And this is thus a way to stop holding the specialness-towards-art construct and start seeing it for what it is: another part of our world as our creation that we now have to take responsibility for it all ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret my decision to drop out of my initial first available career as linguistics as I see that that could’ve supported more in relation to processes of education and supporting others to develop effective language in a professional manner – and instead leave to pursue an artistic career that I mostly do not see myself as ‘following through’ with – at least not in such ‘artistic circles’ – because I’ve realized that I have now a direction that I’ve decided to take on in my life which has to do with being able to support myself and other individuals to become self-directive, self-responsible, self-honest human beings that can in turn no matter what we do, where we are, we are able to stand as living principles of self-creation that can be supportive in any field or profession in our lives.

This implies that I let go of the regret, guilt or shame for my choices in life, for the time I’ve perceived as ‘wasted’ or the ‘disillusionment’ that I created toward ‘art’ as a career in itself, which was all created in my mind and as such I take responsibility for it, to see it for what it was and now that I have such studies as foundation, I can also see what I can take from it, what I learned from it that can be implemented within the current process and direction in my life that I’ve decided to take on – and within this, understand my choices in life based on the context and time of my life when I made them. It is rather obvious that If the ‘who I am’ right now was ten years younger, I would have probably made different decisions in my life – however, also making those faux-passes have allowed me to learn from my mistakes and that this is actually stemming from fear of seeing ‘me as an artist as a failure’ because of not completing the whole ‘road to become an artist’ and so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually create regret about my choices in life, without realizing that it’s actually stemming from me having wanted to ‘take the right road’ from the beginning, not wanting to fail, not wanting to be seen as a failure as an artist, or a drop out or vanish from other people’s lives as ‘she became weird and stopped doing art’ type of judgment as I see and realize that these are all judgments that I’ve created toward myself and that I now see, realize and understand that they have no point in being here ‘as me’ in my mind, because I am fully aware of the decisions I am now making in my life, being certain about the outcome and purpose that I am dedicating my life to and within this also not solidifying ‘the way’ to do it as something immovable or being non flexible in believing that ‘this is all I’ll ever do’ – as that creates a general rigidity that I’ve also seen the consequences thereof when I have to ‘break the definition’ or ‘break the pattern’ and kind of eat my own words and decisions. I realize that I am at a certain stage wherein the foundation of who I am, what I’ve decided to be and become as a person that stands as a living example of what it means to apply principles of life in equality, of self-responsibility, of integrity, of self-honesty, of changing one’s living patterns, is what I have decided within myself to do and live till the end of my life.

Now this doesn’t imply that I forcefully have to ‘fit’ my schooling-career into it or else, but see the multiple possibilities of what we can do and how we can apply our skills, talents and knowledge for self supportive purposes in this world, and step out of any rigidity within ‘having certain career’ only. I have also realized that the process I’m walking is that of self-creation: recreating myself after a deconstruction of who I have been in order to now integrate living principles that are supportive for ourselves as individuals that can now take self-responsibility for our creation.

 

When and as I see myself generating and overall experience of resistance or judgment or even rejection toward ‘art’ or ‘artistic expressions’ I stop myself and breathe. I realize that such experiences recreate my belief and construct of ‘failed relationship with art’ which only exists as a construct of memories, experiences, ideals and beliefs of myself toward art – and as such as I realize this I can immediately stop any judgment and experience toward the word ‘art’ or ‘artistic’ or ‘artist’ in order to see physicality for what it is, whether it is human beings, or matter with colors, or images, or sounds and images, or actions that are simply human creations that I can assess in a similar way in which I asses everything else and everyone else in my reality – no more, no less.

 

When and as I see myself experiencing guilt, shame, regret for my self-defined ‘failed’ choices in life in terms of careers and studies, I stop and I breathe – I realize this stems from the fear of being seen as a failure or a drop out which are only judgments I’ve created within my mind, the fear of not being ‘successful’ at what I was meant to do simply because I didn’t even follow through with it/ didn’t do the actual work to get that which is also another point to realize here how I decided to not invest myself on the traditional forms of art-creation and instead directed myself toward self-education within a context that is entirely new and doesn’t even have a proper ‘institutional name’ with which to ‘justify’ to others what I do now– without realizing that I don’t have to ‘be’ something/a definition for others as I am well aware of how I spend my life, my every day, what I work with, who I work with, for what purpose and what my aims are in it all – therefore I stop wanting to justify myself and my decisions toward others and focus on rather assessing and evaluating myself based on the principles, objectives and decisions I’ve made to dedicate myself to this process in the form of support, education, proposals for change that can be implemented at an individual and global level.

 

I commit myself to no longer re-create any form of pattern of experiences either positive or negative around ‘art’ or ‘artists’ or judge them as useless because of being ‘artists’ or such – as those are only judgments/tags in my mind –and instead see the point of creation for what it is, as a physical or intellectual creative process and as everything, investigate all things and take what’s best. So within this it is also to commit myself to make use of formal ways of doing art in order to share a particular message or understanding that I realize is supportive for ourselves as human beings in this world and necessary within the context of the changes that we require to give direction to if we want to continue living in this world. So within this

I commit myself to give priority to the points that I see are most relevant and a matter of survival when it comes to creating solutions to the problems in this world as that is what I have personally decided to do – working at an individual and collective level to present solutions, to walk them myself and so co-operate in the process of self-realization in our world. This is what I have decided to do which in no way it means that it is what I think everyone else should also do in relation to their relationship to arts as each person’s process is different and to me within the context I’ve placed it, stepping aside from the usual definition of ‘creating art’ also means focusing on being in the world, in the system, understanding it, redefining it, considering how to build our lives and our interactions in a more supportive way and not just trying to get an experience out of it as my previous definitions of art.

I realize that I can redefine art as what I do within this process of self-creation, but that is merely for academic purposes and in no way does it mean I am trying to justify or define the fact that I want to ‘keep being an artist’ but, If I have to justify what I do to academics, then for sure it’s self-creation process as my own work of art, while realizing within myself that a definition does not really ‘define’ or ‘limit’ who we really are, but I can play the role without getting lost in it again.

 

Will continue….

 

 

Movie screen

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387. The Love/Hate Relationship with Art

Here we go…

I require to open up – again – the relationship with art. I’ve noticed that I created some sort of past bad relationship experience with it, similar to the ones that I’ve had with people throughout my life wherein there were things unsaid, situations undirected and just cutting it up from one day to another without further communication. I realize I’ve done this with art creation and the general regret I’ve had in terms of the decision I took some 8 years ago to go to art school and actually drop out from my first choice which was linguistics and which would have probably been a lot more supportive for me to have as a degree than arts, and so there goes regret as well for the choices I made in the delusion of ‘I want to express myself ’ and limit that definition to only ‘arts’ and specifically visual arts. To begin with, a disclaimer here is to understand that I am walking/writing out my frame of mind and that whichever judgment I place here in relation to arts/artists/creative processes in art is what I’ve conjured up throughout time and self-reflection about my decisions in life and in no way does this imply an actual ‘bashing’ as all of these judgments, ideas, perceptions, conceptions will be self-forgiven.

 

DSC01870

The Illusion in this world is my responsibility

It’s been a bit over 10 years when I first begun painting and the experience within that was that of enjoyment when being able to pull out everything that I would usually write in creating these images/paintings that I then started defining as ‘who I am’ and within that, already beginning to define and limit my future according to wanting to be an artist, to be able to write or paint or play music or anything that had to do with what I assumed would enable me to express myself and at the same time, be able to instigate some sort of change in the world.

I’ve mostly walked throughout the years the ‘emotional’ aspect to art and my decisions to be an artist in order to not have to ‘be in the system’ and not have to face it, and not have to deal with a lot of people, being able to stand in the ‘background’ so to speak, like someone with ‘special needs’ or ‘special mind’ and ‘special interests’ hidden in a room behind some canvass or else, yet at the same time having the works themselves get to as many people as possible…. So that’s the type of idea of a nice, lavish lifestyle I was pursuing some 8 years ago, and I was quite on the ‘good track’ getting some initial points of recognition that also led me to see the ‘fame’ for what it was and really question myself if that is what I really wanted: to have some pictures in some room in another place in this world seen by other people and be glorified by how nice they are? Well, I decided it was not the way to do what I was already veering myself to do, which is wanting to ‘Change the world’ and thus using art as the way to change the world…. separation here, yes, in trying to use this one thing to ‘change the world’ without really realizing that nothing/no one can ‘change the world’ in itself, but ourselves.

 

So that’s where we begin.

The idea of Art as an instrument to “Change the World.”

The point is I tried to make My definition of Art fit with what would enable me to use it to demonstrate that it is possible to change the world. However I realized that no matter how many images I make, how many pictures I take, how many great ideas I would have I was entirely mostly having an imaginative outflow of how this could operate without ever really landing it into any serious/real project. I always kept everything at a low-fi level because right after the first year in Art school, I discovered Desteni and my interests veered dramatically – hence the ‘shutting down’ of any pursue to further my career to make a name of myself etc. However little did I know that as I’ve seen throughout time, many artists or creative people are the ones that have been able to conceive new ways of how to develop a society that is better for everyone. Somehow people related to art are at the head of certain movements like the proposition for a Basic Income by Enno Schmidt who is an artist. The example I’ve been able to see with a more ‘landed’ discourse on social change is Joseph Beuys that dared to propose an economic, political and social change through the realization that such change begins with self, using one’s thoughts and actions as the tools with which to sculpt ourselves and so becoming the change that we want to see in this world, by understanding the interdependent relationships we have toward one another and our necessity to establish a genuine economy that reflects the true inputs of the real capital – human work/intellect or applied intellect and the use of resources to provide a dignified living to everyone in a particular society/environment- which means everyone should be equally involved in this.

“Social Sculpture, a concept and medium the artist devised and later theorized in “I am Searching for Field Character” (1973), which articulates his belief in the creative capacity of every in-dividual to shape society through participation in cultural, political, and economic life. With his proclamation that “EVERY HUMAN BEING IS AN ART-IST,” poised to join others in the construction of “A SOCIAL ORGANISM AS A WORK OF ART,” Beuys reprised the fervor and axiomatic language of manifestos written by avant-garde artists in the early twentieth century. This promulgation expanded what art could be by acknowledging the viewer’s ability to co-create meaning alongside the artist and, consequently, placed the production of art and knowledge within the scope of the viewer just as much as that of the artist.” – Joseph Beuys – Organization for Direct Democracy by Referendum

 

He went on as far as creating direct democratic referendums as part of his work of art and forming part of a political party, as well as founding a school that was aimed at providing the necessary platform for people to continue the work of social sculpture – which unfortunately I haven’t seen any further fruition from it. He also went on with economists and discussed the concept and idea/symbol of money and with that book ‘What is Money?’ realizing that the idea of social, political and economic change is not an entirely dissociated idea from an artist’s field of work. He also even funded an educational institution which is part of his legacy to continue understanding the multidisciplinary processes that education should involve.

It is so that having the ability to question more, to question reality, to analyze it in its complexity from the ‘eye of an artist’ can lead us all to become better social scientists,   questioning things that have become automated in our reality: money, politics, education, social structures, words and their definitions, mass media and its power to brainwash everyone… then I found people like Guy Debord and Marshall McLuhan who completed the narrative in relation to the world system as the reflection of ourselves, of our ‘revolutions’ as failed attempts to change something that first should be changed at an individual level – and this all made sense, I am grateful for having read these individuals to confirm what I was at the same time walking with/as part of Desteni as well as Foucault on his first chapter in Madness and Civilization about the Ship of the Fools or Stultifera Navis wherein every person that would be defined as ‘crazy/ mad/ eccentric’ would be ousted from society along with every other individual that would simply not be willing to conform to the norm or be defined as mentally insane. I could relate to all of this, however it was all still too defined within the ‘artistic realm’ and so what I did is that upon realizing that ‘art’ for now is ‘just another sector of society’ and almost another cult/religion in itself, I tried to dissociate myself from such tag just because I had judged it as pretentious and ‘special,’ because that is how I came to judge myself or who/what I was going to ‘become’ as an individual if I hadn’t actually stopped myself from upgrading and accumulating all of this definitions onto the ‘artistic persona’ I was aiming at becoming.

I’m also glad that I’ve done that because then the whole ‘specialness’ and ‘uniqueness’ idea of myself that I had about me and that I believed that I should be ‘recognized for’ in the world has been mostly vanished. But after that, there’s  a ‘void’  left in terms of the relationship to art/creative expression as I mostly simply stopped it altogether and wanted to have– apparently – nothing to do with it, which involved me having finished also school in Arts where most of the time I was already knowing that I wasn’t going to become an ‘artist’ in the most traditional sense of the word. I learned about many points wherein artists have participated in ‘revolutionary movements’ but certainly it is no different to how any artist at the moment goes out and paints murals about Snowden, Manning and Assange to glorify them as heroes and shouts at the front of some parliamentary building demanding change… which is absolutely futile.

 

It was not enough

 

So the disillusionment with arts have to do with My Own expectations about it. How I thought that this was ‘the way’ to change the world and of course I didn’t follow through with ‘becoming an artist’ in the traditional sense which I then perceived as myself already ‘opting out’ of it all and seeing the sheer idea of dedicating myself to ‘create art’ as utterly selfish, without realizing how much I had desired ‘that’ to be my reality before. I’ve also been recently sharing about these points with people, explaining how I’m not proud of the decisions I made earlier on in my life and how I would not recommend anyone to study arts. I do however not say ‘don’t study arts’ but simply place my own expectations, my own experience, my decision to do something else and how such studies were a nice platform but not real tools to do what I am doing now. So when I find ‘artists’ defined as such, there’s an attempt to me to see if they also see the futility that I see in art as well – well this happened with one specific person in one specific moment.

A Spell to Ward off the Darkness is the title of a documentary/film that is mostly existential in nature and more like an ‘art film’ than documentary – even though I agree with Ben Russell, one of the directors, on how an objective documentary doesn’t really exist as there’s always a ‘frame’ that is defined by the one filming/directing, so from that perspective yes it’s not really ‘objective.’ However I did notice that this movie was entirely aimed at creating an emotional experience about it, with majestic landscapes, very little dialogue and loud black metal music at the end. I had the opportunity to ask a question to Ben after the screening and when I realized that my theory of how and why Black Metal emerged ( lol ) was nowhere near their intentions within this movie, and he veered off into something else I saw myself judging the individual as ‘typical artist’ that responds with quite a lot of rhetorical rubbish before getting to answer the question. It didn’t end up there, I wrote him back an email essentially asking him whether he considered art was meant to be a hammer with which to shape the world, to prove that we can change it. And then I got quite a bold and rather supportive reply from him which made me realize that I was being an ego myself trying to impose onto other artists/film makers My idea of what art should be, and how if their creations were merely ‘emotional’ then they were useless to what I’ve defined ‘the purpose’ of art.

I realize that after this brief exchange with him where I had certainly ‘demanded’ some answers from him about his intent on his film, he essentially told me that maybe this wasn’t a text/film for me, and that left it very clear how I was trying to make such film fit my standards of what art should be and be used for, instead of it being a creative process in itself.  I also see and realize that I’ve become a ‘victim’ of my own judgments, my own definitions and so I’ve generated a rigidity about what art was supposed to be, what art didn’t ‘fulfill’ within me and thus justify the reasons why I got to see art as entirely useless and self-centered activity. These are all judgments of course that should be seen for what they are, my own creation in order to become my own ‘word – redefiner’ – (see previous post on Rumsfeld) – in order to make of my decision to not further any artistic endeavors as the ‘right thing to do’ and so justify it with now ‘bashing’ artistic views that are not the same as ‘my own’ somehow so as to make my decision sound right and be righteous about my decision. This is not only the desire to be right about this, but also imposing the same mind-frames with which we have created religions and beliefs in the past, and we’re definitely here to stop such knowledge and information rigidity.

 

Also, the point here is not to go into the usual ‘extremes’ I would tend to go into when quitting/stopping/halting something wherein the entire love-hate relationship is generated. And this is quite the perfect example of how we create ‘hate’ – and even if in my case I wasn’t emotionally ‘hating’ art –  when our initial expectations about something/someone are not met and so, we become the epitome of ‘not wanting to know anything about’ that which we had previously set a high standard upon. This implies also the pattern of ‘blaming’ it, blaming apparently ‘art’ for not fulfilling or satisfying my initial intentions, without realizing that it was me that wanted to first make of art my ‘way out’ of ‘the system’ or a way to evade it, and when realizing I really can’t do that, then I simply believed that I had to ‘let go’ of it overall and completely –  without realizing that this is no different to just running away from a relationship that ‘didn’t work out’ without first taking the time to understand Why it didn’t work out or how and that means that through understanding the problem, we can also create solutions.

My overall attitude to this all, however, was within the mentality of not wanting to create anything but still be interested in looking art, admiring paintings or other artists and kind of playing the game of I like it but I shouldn’t like it – I mean, it is quite an unnecessary game that I create in my mind just because I had previously given too much value onto ‘art’ and what it ‘meant to me’ and how my entire life was supposed to be ‘intertwined’ around art, and how the moment I started dissociating myself from it it meant like a literal relationship breakup, when it should Not be like that at all. I mean if I had criticized this types of relationships between individuals, how hadn’t I seen that I’ve been living the exact same pattern with my relationship to ‘art’ and within that every other person that I related myself to from the art-vein of my life-experience? It doesn’t make sense as that implies I resist ‘it’/them which implies I hold a dear relationship of separation. So this is a till here no further.

 

I have to then point out the practicality of the decision here which I might have written out before but here it comes again so as to iron out any wrinkles on my side. It is no doubt that we all can create things, be expressive in any artistic endeavor and enjoy the process of creating it and sharing it with the world etc. – however at the moment in our world and reality, I do see it as rather impractical to be fully dedicated to the creation of art/plastic arts specifically when there’s so much to get done in this world in relation to education, to understanding who/what we are as human beings in our minds, how we direct in our lives, how we’ve created this world system and through understanding it all, be able to now establish and conduct solutions at an individual and collective level – and this is what I’ve decided to do. However I see that even if for me this is ‘clear’ there’s still a shadow of a doubt in relation to how people ask me ‘what am I doing’ and within this believing that I should be speaking about the many paintings or etchings or whatever I’ve created as a result of my work as ‘an artist’ in the formal/traditional sense of the word.  So I come upfront and explain how I’m not doing that and what I dedicate myself to, which sounds ‘interesting’ to most but I see that as long as I still hold on a judgment about this as me ‘having wasted my time in art school’ or ‘not developing myself as an artist’ then no matter who/what questions are asked, I’ll still experience that shadow of a doubt simply because I’ve judged it as a failed decision in my life.

 

The dictatorship of definitions

And this I might have shared before but it’s relevant to bring it up again as it’s been coming up many more times, as well as with what ‘I do’ with my life since I mostly work on the internet and there is currently no institutionalized career that defines what I do within this process at Desteni to be a point of support for myself and others in this world to walk this process which I do entirely see as vital and the most important thing to dedicate ourselves to in this world, which is a necessary step if we ever want everyone to genuinely enjoy an artistic lifestyle of creating/expressing in a world where hunger, wars, poverty, corruption, greed and a lousy economic system can be no more. All changes begin within self and so I have entirely decided to step aside from my artistic endeavors to dedicate myself to this process of Education, of being an example of this change myself, of supporting other people walking this process, of investigating economic and political solutions, of sharing/talking about these necessary changes at an individual and collective level, as that is how we can then all as human beings take self-responsibility for the world in shambles we have created – so that is what our artistry has been defined by, and I’m in no way proud of the world we’ve wrought here.

 

 

I have also said before how this process in itself is a self-creation process, hence I am my own work of art. However the ‘art’ definition here is obviously not the common one and that’s probably my inner dissonance which I am here to straighten up and redefine so that I stop separating myself from what I’ve defined as ‘artistic creation’ in the most traditional sense and what I ‘should’ be creating,  and rather integrate the principle of self-creation in whatever thought, word, deed as myself including the activities I’ve defined as merely ‘artistic’ such as ‘creative writing,’ shooting videos, painting pictures, taking pictures and lol even as I write this it is like oh shit that’s all just pointless drama-creations of me, who I was before. However that’s how I’ve limited them to be instead of seeing how visual art is quite a powerful way to provide/promote a message and a more digestible or ’friendly’ way to explain living principles through images, films to make them more palpable – whereas with just theory not everyone might be able to find it or understand it.

 

So, this is to see how it is about expanding myself to see the potential that exists in everything that is already here in this world. I would be my own worst enemy if I would define art or being an artist as something pointless or mere egotistic – it is nothing more and nothing less than a definition and judgment, instead of considering that as anything and every other job/profession in this world can be seen for what it is, for its potential, its redefinition to be self-supportive and to use it as a tool to provide ways to look at the world in a different manner and how to ‘eat it’ meaning how to live it, to understand it, to embrace it. That’s what I’ve also noticed is lacking within Art.

 

 

Art as a tool for change?

It’s relatively ‘easy’ to identify the patterns or the problems, and represent them – but driving the problem through to the solutions is mostly always missing. So that’s the kind of principles of self-creation that I’d like to contribute with in relation to art/art-theory if you want to call it that which is not limited to artists or people that study art, but to any human being that wants to become an instrument themselves, a tool with which to conduct and become the change that I realize is necessary in this world. I’ve identified the problems, so I’m working on the solutions and that is no physical ‘work of art’ but if I take on Sol Lewitt’s paragraphs of art in relation to making of the process itself, the structure, the plan of a work of art the ‘piece’ in itself or in other words “If the artist carries through his idea and makes it into visible form, then all the steps in the process are of importance. The idea itself, even if not made visual, is as much a work of art as any finished product. All intervening steps –scribbles, sketches, drawings, failed works, models, studies, thoughts, conversations– are of interest. Those that show the thought process of the artist are sometimes more interesting than the final product.”

 

…then my entire life is also then that: self-creation and supporting other people’s self-creative processes. Lol, am I theoretically justifying myself as an ‘artist’ here? Can be, but why not? I’ve read such blatant bullshit in art-theory that expanding art-theory to self-creation within principles of life in Equality, of Self-Responsibility, of Dignity, Integrity, producing solutions is quite the most meaningful thing we can do as human beings after centuries of emotional, material or conceptual glorification in art. Time for Life to be supported in everything that we do beginning at a thought level and that begins with ourselves, with becoming the master-pieces that I’ve seen and realized I sought to ‘create’ outside of myself or to use ‘art’ as some kind of alter-ego platform to glorify myself through the eyes of others. Self-honesty is required within art, understanding why one wants to create art and if the purpose, aim or objective and starting point of creation is actually aligned with a ‘higher purpose’ or goal which is then how I am seeing that art can be used to educate people, to wake people up, to provide new understandings and ways to understand, behave and co-exist  in the world – but that still has to be lived by and applied by each one of us first as first ‘test-runs’ in this process.

 

I realize there’s really ‘nothing’ that can ‘change you’ as that would then be the idea of this ‘magic red pill’ that you simply take it and understand everything about the Matrix and reality, the mind, who we are as our mind, the world-systems we’ve governed ourselves by, etc. So, in that sense what we can all do is become the example of what it is to walk such process, to provide and produce educational materials/writings/videos or whichever ‘tool’ we can use to support others in the inevitable process that is here as our process of realizing who we really are as life. Easily said, a whole other story to understand it as to what it in fact implies.

 

I’ll continue with walking Self-Forgiveness on specific points mentioned here, as well as the Self Corrective Statements to redirect my relationship formed with art/artistic creation and artists themselves so as to no longer limit myself and others through my own definitions of art or ‘what art should be’ and instead focus on my own process of self-creation and the endeavor I’ve taken on to be that point of support for others as well, a birthing-as-life supporter which is what I in fact really wanted to do since I can remember. I can use all tools available in this world for this purpose without limiting myself within it and that’s also the process of expansion here that is necessary for me to clarify and structure as well.

 

” Economics is not only a money making principle. It can be a way of production to fulfill the demands of people all over the world. Capital is human kind’s ability in work, not just money. Thus economics includes the creativity of people. Creativity equals Capital” – Joseph Beuys

 

 

Fuck Pollock, He's Done it All 05

Fuck it, Pollock has done it all  – 2005

 

Watch:

 

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330. Consumer Rehab in Equal Money Capitalism

 

Continuing from:

307. CapitalismUS: Pursuit of Happiness

308. Might Makes Right: CapitalismUS

 

 

 

Problem                                                                 

 

The alienation of the spectator to the profit of the contemplated object (which is the result of his own unconscious activity) is expressed in the following way: the more he contemplates the less he lives; the more he accepts recognizing himself in the dominant images of need, the less he understands his own existence and his own desires. The externality of the spectacle in relation to the active man appears in the fact that his own gestures are no longer his but those of another who represents them to him. This is why the spectator feels at home nowhere, because the spectacle is everywhere.  – Guy Debord, The Society of the Spectacle [1]

 

Soft Imperialism by Culture and MediaContinuation

  • Creating needs in people, tell them consuming is  ‘what life is all about’ and you get a certain market that will live a devoted life to praise consumption and reduce life to a series of experiences that end the moment a new trend comes out, a new experience to buy, a new gadget to wear and upgrade one’s image of  success worn as clothes, accessories, shoes, cars, pictures of being having the ‘great life’ – but, deep inside there is a strong sense of alienation that is  difficult to look from ‘outside’ because it is virtually everywhere as part of ‘who we are’ and the identities we become, which are the byproduct of the same profitable society that breeds consumers, not living beings.

 

  • Trading our goods and services has nothing o do with the cult of the image that we have built around consumerism, it is necessary to realize that our lives cannot be determined by the amount of experiences we have, how many ‘valuable objects’ we own, because these are all the values that keep the same system running, wherein our needs and desires are shaped in the image and likeness of celebrities that we seek to mimic and adopt as our own identity. That’s the configuration of our society and that’s why Debord emphasizes that we feel ‘at home’ nowhere, because the spectacle is everywhere, and everyone buys into it.

 

The spectacle within society corresponds to a concrete manufacture of alienation. Economic expansion is mainly the expansion of this specific industrial production. What grows with the economy in motion for itself can only be the very alienation which was at its origin. (Debord, 1967)

 

  • What we grow every time we buy is our self-image built around the cult of what we own, how we look, what we choose as our ‘lifestyle.’ This alienation is not only existent toward that which we buy, having no idea how it is produced and where it will end once we’re ‘done’ with it – we get alienated from the very physical reality that we are as our physical body. We’ve made of our flesh and bones an Image that we seek to Adapt according to the images on billboards, creating eating disorders and self image obsessions that occupy a being’s entire life where even if food is not consumed, the image seeking pretty much consumes the being alive, making of an internal conflict a time-consuming entity that leads us to be absolutely unaware of reality, but only exist in the glorious self interest of me-my-image-and-myself.

 

  • The consumer culture is the greatest form of degradation that we have faced as  humanity, because it stopped being a momentary form of distraction a few hours a day or a momentary treat after a hard day of work, it’s become who we are and how we behave and  have shaped our values, beliefs, morals, relationships according to these  Images that are upgraded every season. This means that: you have to buy NEW things every time to be ‘up-to-date’ in a society that believes it is important to  have a fresh look and  identity according to mass-media trends and ensure you are ‘upgraded’ and follow what your social tribe of preference dictates to buy every other season – this has become ‘mandatory’ if you don’t want to face marginalization for not being ‘cool enough’ to have enough money to Buy new things on a constant basis. 

 

  • Children are taught to seek love, money and superhero traits – teenagers learn to be disillusioned about  a world that has nothing to do with the fantasy presented in movies and videogames, new heroes representing the ideal lifestyles of perfectly tailored models that become ‘the voice of a generation’ emerge as depressive-and-on-meds type of figures that values more spending time feeling a constant need for ‘something’ and seeking it surfing in the net, consuming drugs, buying, drinking, gossiping, playing with gadgets rather than enjoying physical interaction with each other to learn how to live in the first place.
  • What’s the common denominator here? People seek experiences generated in the idleness of our sedentary lives that require constant updates of personal computers, phones, more and bigger flat screen TVS that constantly imprint the images we want to become. But, who has decided to present this to us? It is only in the benefit of those that sell the products that we get to ‘choose’ what we desire. Entertainment would not be an industry if the prefab images shown on TV weren’t available for sale.

 

  • We can see the pattern already: the main problem is our constant desire to Experience –  the world revolves around this. There would be no point to buy, consume, visit places and eat up stories to make us feel good.  We have diminished ourselves to a collection of experiences, memories, people that we believe are important to us for what they make us feel. Who benefits from this? Everyone that is able to create the perfect setting, the perfect stage for such ‘insta-moments,’ the perfect drug-drink to consume, the greatest clothes to wear, the greatest cars to show off, the most benefits that only a few can afford – which makes it even More special and exclusive.
  • We live to praise our self-images that determine how valuable we are at the eyes of everyone else – is it? Or have we just become an illusion to such an extent that we cannot even get to question how we got ourselves into this insatiable state of consumption, leading us to a life of constant energy fixed desires, becoming drug addicts, sex  addicts, TV junkies, celebrity gossipers, government bashers, economy illiterates, freedoms seekers and god seekers, getting high and jumping off balconies to challenge ‘the system’ and make a general anthem of ‘Ignorance is Bliss’ as the road to walk for the next generations to come. 

    How long can we keep this show running?  We have reached the bottom of our downward spiral – how much more repetition can we take?

 

  • Let’s look at our thoughts, see how many of them relate to an experience about who we are, how others see us, what we want to buy next, where we want to be? Were we the creators of these seemingly unstoppable desires? are we the result of the perfect feel good enslavement that is sold to us every time we want to Feel something new? Yes, it is – and we have all fell for it –doesn’t matter ‘who’ you are,  individualization has been made the most important thing that we hold, beyond any common sense of being breathing physical beings.

 

  • The truth is we have never really been ‘ourselves’ because we have only existed as mind systems seeking for energetic experiences that are bottled up, tagged and sold because we desire, hope and need it. We have sold our physical body to the devil, which is the system that we all feed with our desires, the greatest treats that justify a life of slavery, poverty and abuse for a majority,  because we all work to get these bits of heaven in order to numb ourselves from our reality that we ended up victimizing ourselves from, believing that the corporate monster is to blame, instead of looking at the very thinking processes that fuel this entire machinery that is seemingly as unstoppable as our own mind – here I state: it is Only a Belief that it can’t be stopped – We  have to take ourselves to the origin of our thoughts to prove such belief is simply an expensive  delusion.

 

Solution                                                                

The Spectacle Meets Rehab

 

  • Considering practicality/money and necessity over experience, looking if what we want to buy in fact only feeds our ‘self image,’ pursuing the experience of owning something, or who one will be when compared to others that don’t have what we do, and instead look at the facts if one in fact Need what we are about to buy, or if I one is subconsciously buying an character-accessory to store within this personal vault of memories and experiences that we define as ‘who I am.’

    This is a key experiment that I dare everyone reading this to do, and if you are Self Honest which means you don’t ‘fall’ for your desires, you should see a considerable amount of money remaining in your bank account/pocket/ under your mattress, because you will be able to stop yourself and realize that what you are buying is only an Illusion, that it will be a flickering moment just like a match that burns bright and consumes itself to ashes, requiring us to flick another to brighten the same darkness that we have avoided to become: physical stable living beings that do not require an Experience to be alive – think about this this, will generate a Great change in our consumer culture if we integrate this understanding in our day to day living behavior, which will include getting to know How our products are created, where they end up after they are no longer used and the consequential outflows of producing and distributing such products to satisfy our desires, then decide what we can keep and dispose all that only feeds greed.

  • Solutions for isolation with our current gadgetry lifestyles. There is nothing wrong with the techno-advances that we have, but a few considerations are shared here:  once that we realize that we are not images, we’ll spent less time cultivating our fascinations to further specialize the ‘who we are’ as this character/self image toward others, we’ll spend that time developing a relationship with ourselves, to get to know that Self that has only existed as the byproduct of our society, of our parents and the media that filled the ‘void’ in our lives.

    Here we can make it fun to – upon recognizing this prefab/ pre-packaged condition we all kept as ourselves– realize that we can in fact for the very first time in our human existence Decide who we want to be, integrate Values that consider our Equality as Life, living to become a contributor to a social transformation that will remove our spectacle attires, stripping ourselves  to see what remains once that we stop feeding our consumer driven and personality-cult obsessions. A group effort is required for this,each one of us will stand as an example of what it will take to stop being addicted to the mind and learn to appreciate the physical that is what has always been here, that we’ll  learn to trade as a living meaning of giving and receiving in Equality – no more greed for superiority and mind-driven personality fixes.

 

Rewards                                                   

  • Opening up our eyes from the illusion will mean a transformation in our entertainment and ‘variety production’ in this world. Imagine the amount of ‘special items’ dedicated to the cult of self that could be significantly reduced when people stop buying experiences and instead, learn how to invest on supportive items, genuinely enjoyable treats and re-learn how to communicate, share and essentially enjoy each other’s presence beyond the constant up keeping of a Character that we sold to others, in fear of being vulnerable about our real experiences, our questions, our thoughts and fears – we’ll be able to heal a drugged up, shopaholic and self abusive society with the ability to share our ‘Consumer Anonyms’ stories, as well as forgiving our constant competitions and fights over our pet peeves, that have also became necessary religions to idealize the perfect ‘originality’ that everyone sought to attain in our so-called lives.

 

  • We can make the crash and the fall of our mental high, the landing on Earth after the illusion of grandeur a humble experience to learn from each other, to forgive ourselves for having turned this Earth into a massive grave of products chocking animals on Earth an in the sea, bits of junk that once caused us a form of joy, never questioning if we actually needed that or not.

 

  • Consumerism as a disease will be treated at an individual level with the understanding that we have all complied to turn beings into slaves and nature, the animals, plants as assets that became accessories to our ideal prefab characters we sought to be and become. It is the least thing we can do after we have succumbed to a never quenching mind thirst for more, while forgetting that we are, beyond all, physical living beings that Live  and Breathe regardless of what we believe and experience at a mind level. Desire for more, Greed  is the real evil that we have to disintegrate from our core-programming, and we have the support here: Desteni  I Process.

 

 

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

 

 
Freedom is not Free Stuff that Stuffs up the World - Matti Freeman - Equal Money Capitalism

Artwork by Matti Freeman

Sources:

[1]Debord, G. (1967). The society of the spectacle. Retrieved from http://library.nothingness.org/articles/SI/en/display/16

 

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