Category Archives: catchpenny girl

498. Deconstructing the Default Self-Specialness

Continuing from the previous blog

Here sharing Self-Forgiveness on the points I am committing myself to acknowledge as my creation, as my allowed participation in my mind that I want to change and turn into a supportive outcome for myself and the people I get to be involved with for a moment or for a lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a positive experience in relation to people with whom I have developed a relationship where there is kindness but at the same time there’s the awareness of them being ‘attending me’ as in being there to assist me, to care after me and getting what I am looking for in the shop – or simply having a chat in the meantime – wherein when I see that another person comes into the shop and the attention veers toward that other person, I have allowed myself to instantly go into a ‘lesser’ experience of myself which I’ve felt in my physical body as a tightness, a tension directly related to the presence of the other person, instead of realizing that this is the ‘default’ experience of ourselves at a mind level where I constantly can perceive myself as ‘special’ or ‘unique’ or ‘having a special spot’ yet forgetting that this is the default experience that we all have allowed ourselves when in our minds, therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in my mind reacting to another person’s presence and in doing so perceiving it as a diversion of attention from others towards them – instead of remaining attending ‘me’, which is very much an egotistical experience where I stop considering another person in that moment and go into this tension and frigidity in that moment, which I’ve come to see is me in my body and mind conditioning myself to create a momentary friction and conflict about the presence of another person, instead of embracing the presence of not only one person but any other person around me, realizing their equal ability to get the attention from the shop attendants and at the same time push myself to be able to look at them, interact with them if the opportunity arises and in doing so, practically walk through my initial tension or subtle reaction to another’s presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience in shops or other public spaces wherein there is supposed to be people ‘attending me’ and I get all the attention I require, and go into a subtle ‘low’ if the attention is given to someone else, which is very much also a programming I’d see as very common in me since being a little child, the youngest of the family, where I got all the attention and was quite spoiled in my own way, which led me to constantly add this ‘specialness’ to myself, who I am, what I do and if there’s someone else taking that one ‘special spot’ in whichever context, I then have allowed myself to go into a ‘low’ which is simply a perception of ‘me not getting all the attention’, but in common sense that’s how things should be and all that I require to do is to learn now to embrace any other person as an equal to myself, walk through my initial ‘discomfort’ toward them, understanding them as a ‘default’ reaction of myself in my mind-and-body so that I can then proceed to live the words of integrity and integration, embracing and equality towards others at any given time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in that ‘sinking’ experience within me upon noticing it was another young woman entering the shop and in that moment the activation of ‘women competition’ kicked in, in a very subtle manner wherein even if I am not thinking in competition terms, the tension, the discomfort that I experienced as taking over my physical body’s upper area is an indication that I am still reacting to the presence not only of other human beings in certain contexts, but specifically women where I then proceeded to feel ‘displaced’ in that moment where the conversation went towards here, wherein I went into a low and self-diminishment in that moment, which I saw and pushed through to remain in my usual presence, however the experience had already been developed, therefore

Whenever I am in any situation where I perceive that I am ‘alone’ and the attention is only ‘on me’ and I am creating a positive experience about it, I have to slow myself down to ensure that I am not going into a ‘high’ within me as the positive experience that can then rebound to a ‘low’ if the factors change in the moment and I stop getting ‘all the attention’ on me, because this then signifies that my interaction wasn’t entirely being in equality, in stability and comfort, because if it went into a ‘low’ all of a sudden, there had to be a pre-existent experience I was aware of.

So I can now practice this point where I can in those moments upon hearing or seeing that another person is also sharing that moment and ‘space’ in a shop or other place in a similar set up, I can breathe as a way to ensure that I am relaxed in my body and prevent through breathing the build-up of tension in my upper body, while I can deliberately remind myself to live the words embrace, equality, integration so as to ‘integrate’ the other people into the space as equals and embrace them, their expression in a way where I can be in their presence and remain comfortably in my body and even if the opportunity is there, proceed to interact and engage with them and have a chat if they also respond back in an equally open manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that there are such things as a ‘position’ of specialness and favoritism toward people wherein I have to let go of reassuring these ‘positions’ in my mind that I believe others have toward me and instead, fully develop my positioning as an equal in all aspects, which I recognize I’ve been doing better when it comes to supposed ‘hierarchical’ situations and learning to get past my elitist programming towards ‘others’ but I can still see this ‘regard’ that I’ve built towards myself in relation to how I expect to be treated as a signal that I have yet to completely let go of any default-specialness of my mind, any default ‘uniqueness’ and this can be practiced by focusing on breathing, stopping the insta-judgments of values based on appearance overall, based on gender, based on money, based on ‘positioning’ and in doing so, become the person that I want to be that truly embodies what it means to be equal to any other individual, where I don’t recreate the separations, the discriminations, the divisions that we’ve fueled in our minds based on a plethora of visual differences that are only that, a visual presentation but instead, learn to get to know each other as the words we speak and live, what we embody as ourselves because that’s where the real presence and essence of each other is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still carry on with a subtle, unspoken or ‘without thinking’ comparison or even rivalry towards other women specifically wherein I am the one that is instantaneously judging them as ‘more than me’ based on certain attitudes or physical appearance wherein I am completely becoming me as my mind that judges, that values appearances, that compares and creates a verdict of me being more than or less than others… none of this is who I really want to be in those moments because it only recreates the plethora of separations that we are seeing more and more prominently in our world.

Therefore I have to practice letting go of my ‘inertia’ to these ‘quantum-judgments’ and assessments that I get to become aware of only after they have happened in an almost ‘automated’ mode, but even that, I challenge myself to be able to stop this very silent, very physically ingrained habit of comparing, judging or going into a silent rivalry/competition toward other women that I’ve perceived as ‘more’ than myself, which only exists there if I am still regarding myself as ‘inferior’ in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from a very age not know ‘what to do’ upon noticing distinctive physical features and appearances of people around me wherein I learned to create notions of beauty based on appearance and particular traits, but wasn’t really aware how to actually create a meaning that is substantial for real beauty in a person, which I’ve established that is not limited to only the first layer we get to see through our eyes in one person, because that is definitely something that we can all see and sometimes even agree upon by default – but also to include the essence, presence and substance of a person, who they are as the words they live and speak, the kind of being they are in their lives which is what I’d like not only myself but more and more humans to focus on at the same time, because I’ve complained myself many times of living in a ‘shallow world’ where only appearances matter, but the aspect of the substance behind that first-impression appearance is what I’d like to focus on and get to know in a person, to then learn from them, get to embrace them as a being more than just an image, because I, myself, would not like to be diminished to only being an image either.

I commit myself to practice in those moments when acknowledging the presence of another person through hearing them coming in, to instead of ‘avoiding looking at them’ which is not done out of privacy or consideration, but out of avoidance as a reaction to see them with my eyes, I can then test out actually turning my head and looking at them so that I can make the decision to in that moment apply these words: embracing, integration, equality and so direct myself to focus on my own physical presence, my own body, ensuring I am not going into a tension and if that happens, I can simply focus on breathing so that I can dissipate the experience before it builds up at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to without intent and in a perception of ‘respecting others’ privacy’ – apparently – have done onto others what I dislike being done onto me, which is that of deliberately ignoring another’s presence yet only reacting at a physical level about their presence, which is very uncool and I simply do not want to be that kind of person that eventually gets to a point of looking away from people on purpose so as to not have to face the various reactions that could be coming up in those moments. I rather learn to face and embrace the reactions and comparisons I’ve created so that I can work on them first hand and practice, practice, practice as much as it is needed until the presence of another human being – male or female- becomes indistinct to myself, to the moment and can instead practice to embrace them, integrate with them in the moment because that’s exactly what I’ve liked others doing onto me and I am aware first hand of how cool that is for all of us, so I definitely want to be entirely clear within me in relation to people, especially considering those ‘first ever’ encounters where I don’t even know the person, yet I am ‘reacting’ to them? Doesn’t make any sense, really, and that’s what we are and have become in our minds: separation, not making any sense and simply causing friction and conflict by default, but now it’s entirely up to me to stand as the directive principle of myself in my mind and my body so that I can then decide who I am in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fueled in a very subtle manner this idea that I am ‘special’ and I deserve some kind of ‘special treatment’ wherein I believe that I am a person that ‘deserves’ something based on what I give, which should not be the case at all, because any kindness and consideration toward others is me giving it as an expression of myself, not as an ‘expected in return’ type of treatment which would only create the same kind of societies where we treat each other as walking numbers or assets, instead of redefining that value as the kind of person we are, the words we live, the actions we stand by and what we use our bodies, our minds, our words for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this ‘default’ existence of myself in this ‘special-mode’ self-experience wherein then it is easier to create any sort of inner-conflict and go into an inferiority-mode because we are the ones sustaining that ‘elevated’ sense of self that can be easily threatened and rocked when perceiving anything or anyone as ‘more than’ something that we are defining ourselves by as a judgment or a value, therefore this proves that any superiority or inferiority complex are nothing more than judgments, values and perceptions that I’ve accepted and allowed as ‘who I am’ which in turn, through this identification, becomes a way for me to react to certain people – or not – based on this default programming of ‘my identity’ being those experiences, those reactions, that superior or inferior experience which is by all means something that I commit myself to stop fueling even in the silent and most subtle physical experiences that I can instead open up, face, investigate for myself and turn this whole comparison and competition mode into a supportive outcome for myself and so for others.

I forgive myself that I have lived a contradiction in terms of wanting to stand as equal to every other person, but still create these comparisons, judgments, notions of value and worth towards others and seeing them as either ‘more’ or ‘less than’ myself, wherein I am in fact even in a silent manner, recreating the same mentality with which we’ve built this current world system, and I know for a fact It doesn’t serve life, it doesn’t have a default space for equality as life, therefore I/we have to be the people that can change our ways of interacting among each other if we truly want to create a world in equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation upon meeting people for the first time of creating an impression upon them of ‘me being unique and special’ wherein I am by default wanting to be the ‘attention grabber’ that wants to make an impression but not yet for all the best reasons, but still coming through with some ego, therefore I have to be more aware of my choice of words, attitudes, expression in general ensuring that it is not being done from the starting point of continuing and feeding this ‘attention seeker’ or ‘attention grabber’ in me, and instead develop humbleness as a modest self that I can live with and stand by eternally as who I am, because it won’t be defined by highs or lows of energy, but instead expressing and allowing the real me to come through as a presence that I can definitely see is possible to continue developing, growing and expanding as myself in more moments of my reality.

I realize It is a matter of being aware of myself at a physical level, being aware of the subtle changes experienced at a physical level as sudden undercurrents that come up and transform into tensions or stiffness and in that moment investigate, look at what’s the programming that’s being triggered and so proceed to apply the words that I see would be most supportive in that moment.

This way, the practical application is an opportunity that exists whenever and wherever I see myself with more people in a context where I have created a ‘positive relationship’ towards something or someone and in that, making sure that I can ‘share’ that something or someone with others without reinforcing a sense of ownership or dominion over others, because that’s certainly not what I want to be and do, I want to stand in humbleness and equal-stance toward others, as well as letting go of notions of specialness or positivity attached to people, places or situations so that no matter where I am, I am here, I am expressing me without ‘highs or lows’ but practicing a continuous embracing of others in the space around me, and also get to chat with them or get to know them better as part of our shared moment and reality, no matter how short or long it might be.

Thanks for reading

 

Silent Interplays

 

Join us in our process of Self-Awareness as LIFE


304. You Are What You Can Afford

 

Who decided to put a number in front of Life? Is that the real mark of the Beast? the Fruit of our Evil? The price to pay for our sins? A lesson to be learned?

Continuing from :

For context on redefining capitalism, read: Day 180: The Word ‘Capitalism’ in ‘Equal Money Capitalism Redefined

 

Redefining CAPITALISM

Capitalism is an economic system that is based on private ownership of capital goods and the means of production, and the creation of goods and services for profit.[1][2] Elements central to capitalism include capital accumulation, competitive markets, and a price system.[3]

source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Capitalism

 

 

Pricing System

You might remember your first acknowledgement of what money is through looking at prices as a child and this being the decisive factor to know how much money your parents had, what you were able to afford and what type of living ‘lifestyle’ you had access to.  This is the closest encounter with the ‘money system,’ probably the easiest one to understand and the easiest one to accept ‘as is’ without further questions.

I remember being given money on a weekly basis as a means to create the habit of saving, and I was pretty good at it because I simply didn’t require to spend it. Money in such a way was no different to the loads of fake bills that I had to play with as a child, it was only when going to the grocery store that you confront the ‘pricing system’ for the first time. The money  I had was really not that much to buy all that I would want to, and so I became aware of what it was like to have a ‘lot of money’ which meant having the ability to buy Lots of things, instead of having to choose and be limited by getting only one thing or two.

Then comes the supermarket experiences wherein you want to get something that is not precisely a need – like your cereal, milk and fruit – but a Want: I wanted this toy and learned to see these ‘exorbitant numbers’ as ‘unable to be afforded/ too expensive/ don’t even think about it.’ And so, I learned to stop asking to buy such products from the get go, I would see more than 3 digits on the price and I knew t was simply unthinkable for me to have it.

Desires began forming about money: All that I could buy if I had all the amount of money I wanted, I could buy looots of things and enjoy myself with it. But, unfortunately, I learned that I could Not have access to that as easy as I could dream of: one had to study, become a worker, escalate in social status to be able to earn more and more to then become part of the elite that I saw could afford just the amount of things I thought was my ‘aim’ to obtain as well – this was the pursuit of happiness linked to money here, which would allow me to be ‘free’ and ‘enjoy life’ without limits. Smell the conditioning here?

 

Comparison began taking place: why can’t we afford that other family’s lifestyle? What do they have that we don’t have? And then even worse things became part of my awareness: there were children begging for money on the streets and often pondered what would they be able to afford with such amount of money? – not much, that’s for sure. That’s where I learned that I had a ‘better life’ than those begging on the streets and I have a ‘lesser of a lifestyle’ when comparing my life and my family’s economic station to that of the super rich with gigantic houses and multiple toys – of course since that was my item of comparison at the time.

Inequality was tattooed as an inherent condition to everything. Life was then not seen as Life but as something with a price tag, without ever having seen Mother Earth precisely doing the price-tagging or the bar-coding and charging interest rates for that or scheming how she could ‘get the most’ by setting the higher prices… no, none of that was able to be seen around me.

 

I learned that my education was ‘big numbers’ in price as well, I learned that my books were expensive, that renewing my uniform as I went growing up would take money, that food prices would constantly go up every year, that I had to ‘always seek for the cheapest price’ when being at the store and call it a convenience and refrain from even looking at some other ‘treats’ just because they were mostly expensive and not really nutritional. I got scarcity and lack imprinted within me as ‘who I am toward money.’ And prices became a compulsive manner to measure myself according to the cheap and the expensive, the poor and the rich and being always in the limbo that seeks for cheap deals while walking a life aiming at being able to ‘afford it all’ as an ultimate dream. Life became a series of dreams to attain such high power of acquisition later on in my life, and this reveals to what extent ‘consumerism as life’ became the ‘measuring point’ for ‘who we are’ within our social system.

 

In essence, I’ve lived a life wherein I got used to being ‘price-conscious’ according to what I am able to afford and what I would like to be able to afford. Every decision moved by fear of not having enough money later on, every choice made based on the eternal dilemma of price vs. quality, the kingdom of god was simply never on sale, and we certainly were not equal at all. Even if I tried to pretend that I didn’t care as much for what I was able to afford , it did shape ‘who I am’ according to others and this sense of injustice became an unspoken anger to see people begging for scraps of food because of them not even having access to a proper job to afford basic needs while I could see others spending obnoxious quantities in clothes, cars and useless things that could pay an entire month of someone’s school.

 

My first great shock with the ‘pricing system’ was when I was 9 years old in what was then a ‘big city,’ we went to ‘check out’ a luxurious clothing store, I remember randomly grabbing the price tag of a shirt and discovering it was as expensive as my monthly school fee at the time, or even more. I could not believe my eyes, in that moment I realized that there was something absolutely Wrong in this world: how could a single shirt be worth an entire family’s sustenance for an entire week or a month, who knows! This event allowed me to see and realize one thing: I was not part of the rich that would regularly buy at this store, and their wealth – I got told – was the ‘product of their hard labor.’ But is it? Not really.

 

This is an introduction to the pricing system, the confrontation of one’s power of acquisition in a world wherein one gets a direct realization of our social position according to the amount of money that we have, we are either rich, poor or middle class, you live in abundance, you starve or struggle to always make it through with the amount you have. You can either feel free and relaxed or oppressed and worried in the shopping experience according to the numbers in the items you require to buy, either for need or pleasure, it is all determined by our pricing system, essentially who can afford to live and who can’t. Is this the way we want to continue existing as? No, of course this is an absolute demarcation of individuals and their ability to live, a full-view of discrimination and speculation everywhere and every time that we require money to buy, to live.

 

Our life within this system can have a price, and we’ve believed this to be ‘true’ since money has become the decisive factor to enable or limit one’s ability to live. But life is certainly priceless and money is a social imaginary convention that should not exist as a means to measure your ‘economic status’ as more or less than, but as a collective agreement to support each other as Life, as Equals – and this is what will certainly give an end to everyone’s lives of scarcity, fear of losing money, fear of not having enough to live, fear of having to resort to getting loans and ending up enrolled in endless debts, fear of missing out on ‘the great life’ just because we can’t afford to miss a day’s salary, fear of not ever having the life of your dreams because somehow t is not affordable to all.

This must end, this whole social conditioning must stop here: Equal Money Capitalism 

to be continued…

 

 

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

Creative-Potential-is-Priceless_thum

 

Blogs to Understand More about Reality:

 

Tales on Money :

Eqafe Interviews:


297. Why Are We Never Satisfied?

 

We have to give to each other what we have only desired for ourselves, that’s the key to heaven on earth.

 

A very cool interview released today at Eqafe  The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 26 which pretty much taps into the religious conditioning in which we might have developed our relationship to money based on morals and as such, accepting and setting the trend for wealthy= evil and poor=good/closer to God.

 

Continuing from:

For context on redefining capitalism, read: Day 180: The Word ‘Capitalism’ in ‘Equal Money Capitalism Redefined

 

 

“Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him?” (James 2:5)

 

What I was able to understand from this is how words can be twisted to become an authority themselves to dictate the way we create a relationship toward each other, the world and money, which  enables people to comply, pacify and adjust to their most vehement desires to ‘be happy,’  making of material wealth a ‘fortunate lack’ for those that would be rewarded in the afterlife with experiencing a Heaven of their choice, all of this being possible if they would accept/comply to their poverty in this life and wait for the afterlife for an astounding reward, such as what that quote reveals.  It is unfortunate that there is a vast amount of people still accepting a life of misery and feeling somehow fortunate for this, when in fact it is an aberration that should be eradicated from all books, however that would mean that all knowledge and information that backs up inequality in this world would have to cease to exist, and that would mean a massive obliteration of all our LIEbraries and books and individual creeds that exist only to generate further compliances and abuses and call this ‘a living.’

 

 

Problem                                                                               

If we look at the desires we form toward this ultimate happiness, we are conditioned to always seek it from the starting point of the individual above others, we haven’t been educated to consider it as a collective shared stability wherein everyone works together and enjoys themselves as a group –  nope, happiness exists as this spoon fed individualized dream in our minds where being/becoming a millionaire = having access to everything we want to be happy, to be the king of the  world, to be proud to say one has finally made it is the most usual ‘aim’ in our lives. But, is it  real?

 

Everything begins at the level of us accepting poverty as something that is ‘okay’ to exist, it is only within the acceptance of the polarity of wealth and poverty that we have been able to justify the rich and the destitute ones as these inherent ‘random traits’  of our society as ‘how things are’, which is like a vile game since we don’t choose where we are born into and in which conditions/ financial situation we do so. We learn how to see others as more or less than ourselves and we learn to always see life as something to  in the future and never to live in the moment as what we already are, life has been termed to be something ‘else,’ something ‘more’ that we prepare ourselves for, day-dreaming and indulging in crafting our future  projections while squandering the physical moment of real-living second by second, breath by breath. 

 

Look at it: we’re constantly waiting to live our life, to find the right partner, the right job, to finally be satisfied, we’re always waiting and hoping and dreaming and in doing so, we let our lives run by just like a water tap that’s left open with no use but squandering life. We have been deluded within a sense of dissatisfaction, incompletion,  seeking for one’s ‘other half’ and seeking to get the most juice – energetic experience – out of any relationship we have, out of any words we speak, out of everything we eat, do, wear, say, hear, always stimulated to the utmost degree. It is all a mind experience that we become so hooked on, so addictive… and off we go, making our decisions based on fulfilling this ‘gut experience’ that we believe is always ‘the one’ and ‘the right decision’ and the final stance wherein we will ultimately be ‘fine’ with ourselves. But is it?

 

Letting go of a Desire is something that I reflected on today, because in this resides the key to stop our entire system that runs on feeding everyone’s dreams and desires, a ‘moreness’ system, a superiority-god-complex system that we’ve run for far-too-long causing a social indigestion wherein we can barely stand each other’s guts, wherein we’ve feared, competed, cheated, lied and abused each other to get the most of a cake that we never baked, but simply lust on.

 

So, how about learning to co-exist? This is not some pipe dream, it is a basic organic rule of conviviality and homeostasis, coexistence without it being more of a cliché nowadays. By all means this begins with ourselves by looking at simple points like: what is the Desire that is preventing me from standing fully within my process? This is an excellent explanation that truly makes you sit for a moment and ponder beyond what we’ve currently considered is ‘in our hands’ when it comes to changing this world:

Put A Guard in Front of your Mind – Reptilians – Part 151

 

I have once again realized to what extent the externalization of our minds as our world system has become our own scaffold without us even realizing who lined up in the queue by our own will in the first place,  how did we get ourselves to  this condition? Well, by seeking to always have our hidden agendas, secret desires, that ‘thing’ or someone that drives us to continue, and in this, the drive is separate from self, therefore it is an energetic drive, and energy  is precisely what we have to stop being driven by in order to realize that we are able to live as a physical living force if we put back all our pieces together, and such pieces are every thought, every emotion, every feeling, every experience that we have about ourselves and the world that we’ve turned into a product we strive to buy to cover our basic needs.  We’ve turned our basic requirements into satisfactions that rub our mind more than supporting our physical, and in this, greed is fueled, because there is no physical consideration of what is Enough, until it becomes too late and we deplete everything, that would be our ‘cap’  and final end if we don’t stop and change our behavior toward life.

Is it then that we are controlled by that which we defend with all our might: our thoughts, our beliefs, our emotions and feelings, our faith and our dreams?  Yes, hence the perfect trap because everyone believes it’s free will and free choice – really? Who taught you how to read, how to speak, how to pray and how to act in public? Was it you alone?  By answering this we have to realize to what extent we have been conditioned to think, act, do, speak in a way that we believe is who we are and ‘who we want to be.’ This is the basis of our current economic system and the basis for self change of course:I tis to Redefine our lives based on a living principle in Equality. No more individual pursuit of happiness based on money and sex and drugs and fun, that is just the usual slave’s dream to keep living like a rat in a cage in the hope of someday getting out of it.

 

Solutions                                                                           

The vile act can be redeemed beginning with our own evaluation of what we ‘seek’ within this life: is it a greater good where everyone’s well being is considered or is it your own desires to be fulfilled that were generated in your own mind by that which we watched on TV, read on a book, heard from another’s living experience only? Are our desires real when we are born into a world where every single word is taught in order to generate an experience about it?

Our Freedom is one breath away, always, stopping our desires in one breath, investigating it through writing, applying self forgiveness for accepting and allowing ourselves to be consumed by what we believe is that which we Desire, writing our corrective application to re-direct ourselves every time the Desire entity comes up as a ‘thief in the night’ and walk the necessary correction as an inner strength for us to establish who we are, making a clear decision what we stand for/what we are in one moment : Life or the Illusion we’ve learned to Buy and Strive for?

Choosing is not a choice here, it is a living realization, an understanding. Take this with yourself and see if what we so desire is in fact ourselves or acquired deliriums that make us ‘run around the wheel’ day by day, not realizing that we can stop, step out of the wheel,  take the carrot from the stick, and do the same for everyone else, that’s our freedom.

Wealth is then the ability to equalize ourselves as life and as such, grant each other access through implementing the Equal Money proposal wherein capitalism is no longer our own cage we’ve sought to escape from, but we learn to forge the tools to remove the limitations that we built in a state of absolute delirium and hypnosis.

 

Rewards                                                                             

The long awaited freedom to live, express, share, be genuinely happy and enjoying a world where we can all be aware that no one is abusing one another to be ‘more,’ but learn how to exist as a perfect participant of an Equal Society where life is regarded to all in equality. That’s our aim and our responsibility, not a dream, and that equal and one regard is what we’ve always missed, and in that our real satisfaction resides.

 

“Astoundingly enough, the Fact that there is a Natural Learning Ability with Each Child has not been Explored At All. In Fact,  it seems like This Very Point is used by the Haves to Impress Upon the Have-Nots, what they are Never Going to Have so that the Body can Learn to Accept its Condition and Eventually when the Consciousness Energetic Body Develops the Body will be Able to Supply the Thoughts, Feelings and Memories that will Convince the Person that their Condition is Acceptable because it ‘Feels Good’. This ‘Good Feeling’ though comes from the Time when the Body was in its Natural Learning Ability Phase- its Quantum Learning Phase – the Phase between Conception (as yes its Learning Starts at the Moment of Conception) and the Age of 7 (Seven).” – Bernard Poolman, Day 294: Natural Learning Ability of the Feral Child

 

 

Interviews:

 

Blog:


277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

 

Why would we require ‘Rewards’ when the solutions to this world are placed – we should conform with that as a living principle, why do we have to ‘fantasize’ with all the ‘good stuff’ to support what’s best for all?

 

I will be walking this point because it is quite an underlying and quite well masked self-experience whenever we speak about the Rewards point within our proposal to establish the Equal Money Capitalist system specifically. You can read more abut it in the Economist’s Journey To Life.

 

Let’s look at the ‘reasoning’ behind this in the form of Internal Conversations:

-We shouldn’t require to have a positive drive to do what’s best for all

– we don’t deserve this, we have abused far too much to now only expect rewards for establishing a fair economic-system

– Why is it hard for me to speak all the ‘good things’ as rewards?

– We shouldn’t expect to have something ‘in it’ for us to move, that’s just too greedy

– Why would I want rewards on top of solving the problems?

 

 

When reading all these rewards and solutions to our current problems in the world, it is simply realizing how things should have always worked, I see that they are not meant to be ‘positively driven’ as an energetic experience that can lead us to feel momentarily ‘Great’ about ourselves or ‘Happy’- instead this is all about finally creating the necessary equilibrium to live as who and what we are, as equals in this world. However, there’s this inherent ‘lock’ or ‘barrier’ wherein the sheer acceptance of ‘all the good stuff/ what’s best for all’ would be just too much of a ‘good thing’ linking this establishment of Equality to a positive experience, which is what I then resist to fully embody as myself due to reasoning how all the defined negative in this world is ‘more real’ than all this positive things that are only created through abuse. So, I can spot the problems in this world and solutions – but, when it comes to rewards, I freeze out.

 

I was listening to the interview Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 43 and point this was explained with a cool example that I could relate to in terms of identifying positivity with ‘happiness’ ‘good’ ‘love’ ‘joy’ and as such, it is as if I have placed a veto upon those words to promote them as a reward, because I have associated them with a great fallacy – however, that is within our current context wherein yes, only a few can experiment such grandeur due to having enough money to live very well and with all they need. However if everyone has such equal opportunity, then an actual happiness can emerge, an actual well being that is no longer a flickering momentary experience.

 

Self Forgiveness on the exploration around Rewards:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only feel comfortable when speaking about the problems, the bad, the negative in this world and believe that I have a ‘hard time’ speaking about the solutions and that which is best for all, simply because of within my mind linking this to a point of abuse and deception that I find it hard to live as myself because I have linked the positive/ happy/ joyful experiences to money and as such linking money to evil/abuse wherein I then go into a point of avoiding talking about the benefits simply because I have not dealt with my own polarity construct of negative/bad stuff in reality as ‘the real deal’ of our world and all the good/ happy/ beneficial aspects to the Positive-experiences in the world that I have judged within myself extensively due to myself benefitting from it while knowing that not everyone has equal access to the benefits I have.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have ‘the least’ and experience myself as more of a real-benevolent person when rejecting or refusing money/ not looking for the benefits that money brings within this current world system due to a morality aspect that I have created with regards to it being Bad to enjoy yourself if you have money thus I realize that through judging I am creating more separation toward enjoyment as a reward in itself, thus I realize that we are presenting a solution of enjoyment that will be equally accessible for all in Equality and as such, there is no point in keeping judging this benefit, but instead establish ways in which it can be a certainty for all as a given right to benefit from everything that enables us to live in this world as equals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link what’s ‘more real’ to a defined negativity and ‘bottom of the pit’ that I would deliberately go into in order to experience what I defined as that which is actually real and create an opposition toward anything that seemed ‘too good’/ ‘too benevolent’ / ‘too happy’ and within this, form and create an aversion to it, which means that

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a ‘gloomy-character’ that can only look at everything that is fucked in this existence as the real-reality and as such,  wanting to stick to this side of ‘reality’ than belonging to the fluffy-artificial positivity that I was brought up in, because it seemed simply not Real, not congruent with the reality that I would see was non-existent for everyone that had no money to live, that had no support to have a ‘happy life’ either, without realizing that in this I am denying myself from actually realizing that such experience is possible for everyone if we are all equally working to create and establish a world system that works for all equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link everything that is negative of this world as ‘the real reality’ wherein yes, the real reality currently is the majority that has no money to live a happy life – though within wanting to stick to this ‘negative experience’ as ‘what’s real’ it has now become something ‘hard’ to let go of which is why when it comes to writing and speaking words that imply what’s best for all and Rewards specifically, I see them as too fake/ too ‘out there’ / too manipulative just because of having linked all the negative of our reality as what’s real, without realizing that such reality certainly has to cease to exist and actually allow ourselves to live words that can actually support us to live and enjoy life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘rewards’ with a positive charge and experience at a mind level.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘what’s best for all’ with a ‘moreness’ point, without realizing that this is not about being more or positive, but re-establishing an order within this world that will enable life to be finally supported as it always should have been – and this does not imply now having to define me as ‘positive’ and perceive myself to be ‘out of character’ – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being ‘out of character’ when looking at rewards and believing myself to be incapable of coming up with rewards because of believing that we don’t really deserve it, that I can only accept and implement the solutions, but no rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘rewards’ with a plastic card of frequent visitor in a posh –line of hotels and also a money-card wherein rewards were accumulated by my father’s account and how I would use these plastic cards of ‘rewards’ in order to buy more/ consume more, which I always thought was ‘for free’ (Read the previous entry to understand this point) and as such create a positive experience within consuming/ buying with such ‘rewards’ cards.

I realize that I have in fact linked rewards to buying/ consuming and within this, judging such benefits as ‘wrong’ due to how I have dedicated myself to judge this world and reality within a negative value and self-experience wherein the moment that solutions are presented I experience as if I ‘can’t’ simply take the ‘positive outcomes’ and write them out, because of not allowing myself to first clear the word rewards from the positive charge in itself.

 

What I realize is that this is still experienced because of currently having to exist within the transition point wherein we Know what’s best for all, we understand the problem, the root cause of this inequality – yet we are the ones that currently have the money and education to do something about it, which is an excuse to feel guilty for being existing within this fortunate position and looking it through the eyes of ‘me not being real because I have money and the protection that comes with it’ – instead of looking at it from the perspective of: I have money, I have access to education, I become the one that implements the solution – which is the position I have taken at a common sensical level, but I haven’t allowed myself to fully LIVE and Realize this as myself, as an actual possibility, because I haven’t yet forgiven myself for the guilt and shame that even having money and this fortunate position has become as an experience within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the reasoning of ‘I am not being real within my decision to support a system that is best for all because I have money and always had money to live well and have a proper environment to live in, which makes me part of the Elite that exists at the expense and abuse of those that have none’ – wherein within this statement, I have accepted and allowed myself to still exist within a form of guilt and shame, which is actually an egotistical self-experience that I have held on to in order to continue this personality which is obviously an obstacle to fully stand as the solution as what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘Rewards’ with being greedy and a positive person that is only looking after self-interest, which is how I have linked this word within the consumerist society that I was born into

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘Why should we require rewards in this world to move’? wherein I am judging the way that I realize more people can in fact listen to a world-change process that will enable life to be supported for everyone – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the means of promoting what’s best for all, instead of looking at the actual results that can come from in fact implementing that which we all know should have always been/ existed as, thus there is no ‘positive charge’ or ‘luring’ aspect to this, this is just using our current motivational-points and triggers to support that which has never been supported which is Life in Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘what’s best for all’ to a positive resonance and as such see it as a polarity point to the negative that I have wanted to define myself as due to linking such ‘negativity’ as ‘more real’ than all the good that we can envision currently as what’s best for all, without realizing that what’s best for all is not positive or the counter act for the negative, it is simply establishing equality as physical structure to support everyone as it always should have been.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger when reading some of the rewards and judge them as vain, wherein that implies that I am taking things personally with regards to what people actually want and expect in their lives as something ‘better’ for them to look a and consider what’s best for all because in my mind, people should not have to be ‘lured’ into what’s best for all, however I realize that the ‘good way’ has not worked at all in this reality to promote ‘what’s best for all’ and as such believe that ‘I have a hard time creating rewards’ simply because I have not allowed myself to consider actually embodying fully what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel righteous when declaring that ‘I don’t require any rewards if the solution is in place,’ wherein I then see myself as more ‘self-honest’ or ‘common sensical’ than anyone that would actually begin to hear what we have to say due to reading the rewards proposed, due to how I have judged myself and everyone that is not willing to take action if there’s nothing ‘in it’ for them/ myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to embody a personality of feeling ‘okay’ when looking at the bad, the negative, the problems but go into inner conflict when it comes to looking at the rewards, the solutions that I have linked to a ‘positive experience’ without realizing that in this all it is to stop feeling bad about the reality of this world and as such stop linking the rewards and benefits for all as the ‘good’ that I have linked to abuse and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have a problem to actually embody or feel comfortable with speaking the words that mean that which is best for all such as enjoyment, happiness, satisfaction due to linking it to a positive-energetic experience that can only be founded through abuse. I realize that this means that I am only looking at these words based on my experience and realizations, instead of looking at the words as an actual physical expression that we can in fact embody/ become within living in a proper structure/system of support for everyone equally, wherein it will no longer be linked to a positive experience founded through abuse, but it will be a living-right – this implies that I am only judging the words as knowledge and information and not really looking at the physicality aspect and sustainability of such beneficial experiences as an actuality, a consistent support and not linked to momentary flickering experiences that money can only buy at the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word Rewards as a fucked up consumerist bullshit and within this linking it with an experience of disgust toward it because I have made myself believe that I simply want ‘justice for all’ and see all forms of Rewards as something that I refuse to participate in because of the backchat ‘Why would we want rewards on top of establishing solutions that are already best for all’? Without realizing that this Reward point is but a way to promote what’s best for all as a ‘winning’ consideration within the current mind-frame of our society, wherein we know and have realized that people won’t move unless there is something ‘in it’ for them.

 

When and as I See myself having ‘difficulty’ with coming up with actual rewards to give to each other in a world system where everyone will have equal access and equal benefit to all – I stop and I breathe – I let go of seeing this as selfish and greedy and instead look at the starting point of rewards as that actual well-functioning of a society as how things should have always been when regarding all of us with equal right to benefit from what is here.

 

I realize that I have to walk equal to everyone and the majority that is certainly currently only moved by self-interest and within this, I realize that ‘their interests’ are currently only existent within the current mind-frame of consumerism as how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be moved/ motivated by – I also realize that such self-interest is in fact not ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ if such aspirations lead a person to live a fulfilled living condition, wherein it won’t be a ‘bad thing’ any longer if we make such ability to enjoy life/ fulfill this self interest an equal ability and capacity for all – thus

 

I realize that I have only judged the ‘good’ things in life according to what I have realized throughout this process of understanding how the world is in reverse and all the ‘good/ benevolent’ was in fact founded upon abuse. However, what we are walking currently is the process of being able to propose a practical way to create a solid foundation for these benefits to be equally available and given to everyone equally as a birth-right. This means that I have to stop judging the point of Rewards according to seeing them through the Current eye of consumerism and the abuse that this represents, but instead realize that rewards are possible as a consequential outflow that comes from establishing a world system wherein we will be educated to discern what actual value is as Life, and no longer the current means/ways we have sought our ‘benefit’ and ‘happiness’ from, which is standing within the current abusive ways and means that we are currently abusing life for our personal glory. If this ‘glory’ is equally available in a sustainable non-harmful and sustainable way in an Equality system, then I accept and allow myself to live ‘glory’ and all these positive aspects as a giving and receiving point that I allow myself to give to myself and others in Equality.

 

I commit myself to continue exploring the current discomfort experienced when speaking about Rewards and as such focus on the reality and viability of such outcomes to be established within the proposal of Equal Money Capitalism.

 

This will continue

 

No More Human Drama- Equal Money System

Blogs:

 

Interviews:

 

 

 

 

 

 


231. I’m Not like all of the Other Girls

 

Continuing from

 

Opposing My Roots implies that when we try and deny the influence we had from our parents and relatives and simply ‘form’ and shape ourselves according to the usual idea of ‘I will never be like my parents’/ ‘I will never repeat what they’ve done onto me’ and any other similar statement, we end up missing out a key aspect of self investigation like I have done in relation to looking at how and why I accepted certain ‘characteristics’ as who I am without realizing that there is no ‘who I am’ that was born out of nowhere. For that matters, I am the accumulation of everything that I have been, which includes everyone that has gone before me. This is how within this process as I walk my own patterns, I am also taking into account what others before me also became, ending up as a single generational fuckup that would repeat itself. Yes, it is a fuckup because through these ‘hereditary patterns’ I learned that it was okay for me to acquire either my mother or my father’s temperament, their habits and manias. So,it is so when it’s said that we become our parents eventually because we come from them, and we can’t deny our roots or we could then just pretend we were born out of nowhere and got this ‘arbitrary programming,’ which is not the case either.

We accepted the mind as who we are which is a representation of ourselves, our ‘true nature’ if you will but linked to specific patterns, habits, traits that are programmed to be having specific results out of the participation within them: Energy. And for the entire history of this, you can listen to the material at Eqafe for more explanations.

 

I’ll take one event and walk it through in order to see who I am within this memory and how I learned one of the various emotional reactions that I became used to present in my reality as a child, which is also an event I described some blogs ago.

 

Event: going out with my parents and sisters and getting ready to leave. My father is waiting for us at the entrance hall looking up the stairs to wait for everyone to come. Women getting ready to leave /fixing hair, clothes, makeup or anything else normal to do when going out, there’s noises of hair dryers, heels, lots of shuffling around and talking. I am near my father and ready to leave  – because I had discussed and realized through an entire mind construct how I was more ‘in tune’ with my father in order to oppose my mother and in a way also being more ‘responsible’ apparently for being ready when the time was here.

 

Fear Dimension:  Father getting angry for everyone not being on time

-Being like ‘any other woman’

 

Thought Dimension:  father standing on the entrance hall frowning and being quiet but angry inside

 

Imagination Dimension:
– Positive imagination as a
desire: everyone being always On time as scheduled and going all happy in the car

– Negative imagination as a fear: Having our ‘going out’ trip absolutely ruined, everyone in a bad mood, not talking and having a ‘hysteric’ father at the wheel.

 

Backchat:

– Why can’t they just Be On Time as Scheduled?

– They had to be women!

– I am ready, they are Not

– It’s their fault that my father will now be pissed off, they are the ones to blame

– I am not like them

 

Reactions:

– Negative: Mimicking the impatience, exasperation, building up anger as time goes by, becoming nervous and anxious about the possible outcomes

– Positive: pride and responsibility, readiness as in being the only one that’s ready.

 

Physical dimension:

Tensing up my upper chest, experiencing nervousness and anxiety in my solar plexus, stifle myself and move as less as possible  while waiting.

 

Consequence:

– Me tensing up every time I have to go out, rushing as well to get myself ‘on time’ while fearing that others might be ‘impatiently waiting for me’ or that I will miss something with it, ending up angry at myself for not being ‘perfectly on time’ and as such screwing up my self religion.

– Building up my self religion of ‘not being like all of the other girls/ women’

 

 

Here I write Self Forgiveness on the positive experiences of the event, this is only a series of points that are ‘surrounding’ this entire event to give more context to all the dimensions of which the event consists of, which is like looking at the basic conditions I imposed onto myself in order to have this pre-configured self experience in that moment of being waiting for my mother and sisters to come down and being there with my father waiting.

 

positive traits: being always ‘on time’ to be seen as a responsible one, being seen s as ‘I am not like every other girl, I don’t spend much time ‘getting ready’ to go out, gaining a point of preference from my father toward me, identification of characters with the usual ‘you are just like me’ (Read 103. Being efficient out of Fear! « and like father like son «

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to rush through the process of getting ready within my internal battle against time which became a competition to be always ‘the first one that was ready’ compared to the other females at home, and in this, becoming anxious to get ready and be downstairs ready to leave wherein I would then consider this as a ‘prop’ for my character/ ego that was defined according to ‘being on time’ and pleasing my father with that

 

When and as I see myself rushing when getting ready to leave in order to satisfy my father and/or fearing him getting angry, I stop and I breathe. Instead of rushing, I consider the necessary time to get ready beforehand so that we can actually leave the place/ house as scheduled and I ensure that I do this breathing, here, being aware of my physical and allowing myself to relax my body through this process as I go breathing and direct myself to be there on the scheduled time, which is not a ‘race’ to fulfill but a timely-agreement in order for one or more people to meet/ go out as scheduled.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to try and keep up with my self-created belief of ‘being on time = being responsible’ as a positive experience within me, instead of realizing that being on time is simply agreeing to get to a certain place/ meeting on the agreed moment in order to meet another/ get to a certain scheduled activity and that in no way means it is a ‘positive experience’ as I see and realize that I have imprinted a positive experience out of actually fearing not being on time and within this, having acquired the belief that others will be pissed off/ impatiently waiting for me when not getting there on time, without realizing that this was all my own creation according to how I lived this ‘timely character’ at home whenever we agreed to leave the house at a certain time and fearing not being ready and making my father angry for that.

 

When and as I see myself rushing in order to be on time somewhere and getting this experience of anxiety to ‘be there on time,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that the ‘being on time’ is stemming out of fear of Not being on time. Within this, I direct myself to schedule my physical activities in a way wherein I ensure that I am ‘on time’ as scheduled not to make it a positive thing like ‘Hey Look! I am on time here as I had said I would be” as a positive confirmation of the ‘timely character,’ but instead simply see it as a practical arrangement when meeting others, going to a scheduled event and bet there when it begins. And if for x or y reason I cannot make it on time for circumstances that are beyond my direction – traffic, having to direct something else beforehand due to it being important/ emergency, having forgotten something at home, etc.  – I breathe through it and commit myself to then take the necessary precautions to consider potential outflows if the meeting is too important, but if it is not, I simply stop worrying about ‘being late’ and direct myself to simply explain the situation to another  person without fearing them being ‘angry’ for having to wait.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience out of me being ‘always ready on time’ – apparently – which is also a personality trait that I’ve mostly cultivated within me based on comparison toward other females – sisters and mother at home – who would spend a lot of time getting ready to leave and within this, consider that I am ‘special’ because ‘I am not like them/ I don’t spend much time on my looks,’ which became another way to oppose the patterns at home of what a woman should be like, do, dress and do when ‘getting ready to go out,’wherein it became a cliché to know that ‘women spend a long time getting ready to go out,’ out of vanity – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use this ‘readiness’ as a positive experience when going out, out of fear of being seen as vain/ superficial for taking the time to look at myself in ‘how I look’ in the mirror which became part of the opposition character toward the women in my family and a point of ‘uniqueness’ that I created for myself such a ‘Look, I am Not like them, I am ready on time and I don’t give a fuck what people say about me’  – which was the usual stance I would take actually out of fearing that people would have to say something about myself/my looks when ‘going out.’

 

When and as I see myself creating a positive experience when being ‘ready’ on time and being waiting for others as a point of superiority – I stop and I breathe. I direct myself to wait breathing here physically until everyone else is ready and if I’m alone then this simply won’t exist because I am ready when I am ready and that’s it.

I realize that I have created a personality of being on time and ready to leave/ ready to move/ do something based on a commonality of seeing others taking more time to do so, and as such defining ‘who I am’ based on what others would be doing and become everything that they were ‘not’ according to the patterns they presented to gain a point of specialness and even linking it to responsibility for being ‘on time’ and gain some props for my responsible character/ personality that is actually existent out of fear.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be special/ unique as a woman for not taking too much time ‘getting ready’ to go out, wherein I then created this belief of ‘I am not like other girls/ women’ and as such, believe that this would be a preference by males because of having also witnessed how my sisters’ boyfriends would also have to wait for them every time that they would go out, and such define the entire thing of ‘getting ready’ as something ‘pathetic’ from females and within this promise that I would not be like that and that I would be then even more desired or wanted or satisfactory for a partner if I was always on time as scheduled, within this belief that males dislike having to wait for women to get ready to leave.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, as a child and growing up, be the one that was always ‘ready’ and ‘on time’ as a way to be able to gain some preference/ recognition by my father in order to be seen as ‘special’ and ‘unique’ for not following the usual patterns of what a woman should be like/ act like/ do as ‘usual’ because I see, realize and understand that I became a character that would oppose all the patterns at home, specially from the women at home, within this belief that if I attuned myself to the male side, I would be able to be ‘loved’ by males for doing/being the way that they wanted a woman to be like, which became a pattern within me throughout my life in various other contexts.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to be ready and on time as a way to break the pattern/ paradigm of the amount of time a woman takes to ‘get ready to leave/ go out’ in order to be satisfying males specifically and be regarded as a ‘one of a kind woman’ – I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to simply realize that being on time is a practical consideration that facilitates the activities and that’s it, a point of agreement that ensures everyone is ready to leave at a certain time, not meaning that everyone MUST be ready on time, but simply a single physical-time arrangement that I can breathe through as well whenever someone else is not ‘on time’ and then one can take practical measures like calling them up to see where they are and  as such not creating an entire character out of it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘readiness character’ toward others, specially females – wherein I would want to be seen as ‘special’ for being a woman and not taking that much to ‘get ready,’ which is also a self-religion and self-belief aspect, because all this readiness would be done within anxiety and fear of not being ready on time and be seen as ‘just another woman’ which I had deemed as a pejorative experience coming from myself from the view point as a male.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define women as superfluous and vain by nature, wherein I then did all I could to not play out the same characteristics that would define me as ‘vain’ and ‘superfluous’ without realizing that then every single positive experience I had when living out my self predicament of ‘I am not like all of the other girls’ I was in fact not making a self-directive decision to be on time or not focus too much on my looks, but was instead only focusing on ‘not being like other girls’ which then became my ‘trademark’ when it comes to defining ‘me’ as an ‘unusual woman’ which I thought would give props with males within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create an entire anti-woman character within the belief that this would make me popular with males and partners that I believed would also appreciate women not to take too long to go out, and also within this, fearing them getting angry for me not being ready and on time go out due to the experiences I have had at home.

 

When and as I see myself defining ‘who I am’ according to ‘not being like all the other women’ I stop and I breathe – I direct myself to focus on what I can physically direct, do and direct within the physical considerations of time and moving and being available to do so without any form of comparison or expectation toward others or myself fulfilling what I have projected onto others as an expectation toward myself. I take responsibility for stopping believing what others are ‘expecting’ of me and focus on moving and directing me in physical reality.

 

I realize that this ‘I am not like all of the other girls’ characteristic is seeking one thing: being special, being unique and even praised by males and females alike due to always ‘being on time’ and ‘ready’ and ‘breaking the patterns’ of what a woman should be like, which is all based on the positive imprint I placed on this characteristic as well as focusing on accumulating ‘positive credit’ for potential partners due to having observed how they had to wait for females to be ready and I believed them to be impatient or angry or irritated – which is my Own programming projected there – and as such seek the point of happiness for them as the woman being ready to leave/ being on time, and as such be even more liked or considered as ‘one of a kind’ as ego-specialness of the mind.

 

I realize that this positive experience that I would get out of ‘being on time’ was obviously stemming from fear and fear of being judged as ‘another woman’ which became a characteristic of my personality in order to be ‘special’ and ‘unique’ at the eyes of others. Therefore it is plain to see how even a single point like ‘getting ready to go out’ can contain an entire network of characteristics that entail the entirety of ‘who we are’ according to how we want to be seen by others/ who we are toward others, which are the personalities we create toward specific people – or even gender based in this case – in order to define ‘who I am’ as superior to others.

 

I commit myself to focus on breathing, moving physically whenever I am gong out with other beings and simply be on time as scheduled as a practical consideration. I breathe through having to wait for others, I breathe throughout the process of getting ready myself and be there when the time was agreed by others as well.

 

I commit myself to when going out or even foreseeing that I will be going out/ traveling etc. I breathe through the process of gathering everything required, taking a moment for myself to get dressed, take all the necessary things required and not judge any of my moves during this process or get anxious about it, as I see and realize that I will move/ leave when I simply physically ‘leave’ lol and that there is no need to create a character of rushing through it to be ‘on time’

 

This is a cool point to see how everything we believed was in fact a ‘positive aspect’ within ourselves stems out of a negative that we avoid, which is the basic consideration when looking at all the ‘positive experiences’ we’ve created and believed ourselves to be, and take responsibility to see how even if we copied mechanisms from our parents, we Became our characters due to our own participation in our own mind-assessments of what’s good/ bad or positive/ negative according to Self-Interest as it can be read here. Who we are can be simplified to being physically here, self directive and as an efficient being that is not measuring this efficiency according to some personality props, but simple self-directive will.

 

– This will continue with the following dimensions within this event, which is one single ‘branch’ of an entire series of traits that I will be walking in relation to the personalities I created toward people in my family that I simply sought to ‘oppose’ as a general characteristic within my self-religion of ‘who I am’ toward others in my world.

 

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Desteni Lite Process

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System 

 

photo-1_001

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews that MUST Be Heard:


200. The Make-Up Reality

 

Becoming a character that is  seemingly ‘Not good enough’ requires accepting who you are as a point of limitation in comparison to others – that is accepting and allowing the enslavement of humanity as a whole not only through looks/ perceived ‘personalities’ we are, but within the context of our current monetary system that functions within the reductionism that we accept and allow as being/ becoming only an image, an amount of money in our wallets, the properties we have or don’t have, the type of ‘lifestyle’ we have, the education – all of it currently existent as an unequal consideration toward the whole that is Here as physical beings, abusing each other through this reductionism at a mind level of what is positive and negative and defining ‘who we are’ toward others based on such configuration. Unacceptable, hence walking the correction here as part of the equalization of all bodies of existence as that which is Real which is HERE as the physical.

 

Continuing with the Elitist Character

Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments (Part 2) on the Elitist Character from the memory within the 197. Friends of Convenience post.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to feel ‘less than’ people that I could see had ‘lots of money’ wherein I immediately would go into a submission and keeping quiet mode, due to being impressed by the presentation of the beings and the house and properties, which made me believe that because they had ‘all the money they wanted’ it made them superior and better than me, which became a point of reference for me to realize that I ‘didn’t have it all’ while growing up when comparing my life to another’s life based on the amount of money that they had.

 

When and as I see myself going into an inferiority mode based on the social status and position of people in my reality and believing that I am ‘less than them’ because of not being as ‘powerful’ as them in terms of money, I stop and I breathe – I realize this allowing the definition of who I am as money/ properties to define my beingness in that moment which is unacceptable, since who we are is our physical body as the equality that we exist as, thus it makes no sense creating an experience based on comparing the ‘who I am’ as my current monetary position toward other beings. I direct myself to remain stable here as breath and not be ‘impressed’ by the pictures, words, things that I see around me and identifying them as ‘more’ than who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that in order to behave the same way that the girl behaved – which I perceived as confident and overtly expressive/ extroverted, I would require the same amount of money in order to feel ‘that happy’ wherein her expression became a point that I realized I could never ‘live’ as myself because of her life having all these luxuries and ‘having it easy’ whereas I perceived myself to be in a dire situation with my family – hence ‘finding my place’ within the opposite of what I perceived her to be and represent, even if I had experienced myself in a similar mode when I was younger back then – which would be 3-5 years old, wherein the consideration of money was not yet within my concept of reality. Thus I see and realize that the comparison began at the age of 6-7 when I became aware of a significant difference in the way we live when it comes to people having lots of money, people not having as much money and people having no money at all, which was also a point that became part of my awareness at the same age.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could never express myself with such confidence and openness because of not having as much money to ‘be happy about’ which is how I linked a confidence and ‘well being’ expression to having money – within this limiting my own expression to believe that I was doomed to never get to be ‘that happy’ as in ‘having it all’ in my life and as such, if I ever presented myself as ‘happy’ it would be phony, without realizing that no energetic experience as either happy or gloomy represent who I really am and that all of these considerations were based upon the role that I have accepted and allowed money to have within me, wherein I feel ‘content’ if I have everything I require and go into worry and concern if money is being a problem as in ‘not having money.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience myself as being ‘intimidated’ around people that I considered were ‘richer’ and ‘more’ than me due to having lots of money, instead of realizing that within that moment I was allowing myself to believe that ‘I am my money, I am my properties, I am my looks only’ – and in this, compare myself to others as a way to justify and validate my inner experience of ‘intimidation’ and a belief of never in my life being able to ‘equalize’ myself to them because of how I look, the money that I had and the entire context I lived within in comparison to those that were fortunate and having the ‘perfect looks’ according to how I judged other beings in such positions to be like.

 

When and as I see myself defining my ‘beingness’ according to the amount of money that I have and believing that I cannot be ‘here’ and stable when not having money – I stop and I breathe – I realize  that the polarity of being happy and concerned when having and not having money respectively is based on the perception of other people’s mood and beingness in relation to money that I accepted as ‘how things are/ how I should behave as well,’ which is unacceptable when considering how we have defined this entire world according to a positive and a negative represented mostly by a have/ have not situation of money.

 

I commit myself to stop defining ‘who I am’ according to the money that I have or that I don’t have, and instead dedicate myself to be part of the solution to this current monetary system to ensure that all that remains as monetary system can be a equality system where all life can be considered as equal and where no more worry, concern and distress exist due to lacking money to live – and the opposite no overtly positive attitudes exist as all the happiness, bliss and joy that is created directly from the ‘confidence’ that money brings when having enough or more than enough of it to live. This is within the realization that within Equality as Life there are no positives or negatives – hence the equalization of Money as Life within the Equal Money System, implies removing any lack and removing any excess in order to ensure that everyone has equal access and as such learn how to live moderated and regulated living conditions that support all and harm no one.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to consider that standing up with a very straight back means superiority and a confidence that can only exist if you have ‘something to be confident about’ which I linked to money, properties, looks and ability to express/ interact with others, wherein this girl became my first impression of what it was to have a ‘perfect life’ and linking all of this to a physical stance of ‘standing with a perfectly straight back’ –

 

I realize I imprinted within me with that particular moment of being at this girl’s house and watching her/ admiring her expression and physical gestures and mannerisms which I linked to the confidence that money brings, the ‘good education’ from parents that were part of elites from generations back, and within this all compare myself to her and believe that ‘I did not have the right to stand up straight’ because of not being as ‘graced’ with looks, not having the money to back up my belief of confidence linked to money/ properties, nor did I consider that I could be as expressive as her within such refined manners – all of this becoming something I would essentially evolve and develop into my own ‘antagonist character’ that I created myself in opposition to, in order to justify my perceived inability to be as expressive, to stand as straight, to walk and interact with such openness – and instead went into the opposite as in being mostly hunching my back, hiding myself in social situations, not wanting to interact a lot and most of all, judging every person that I would see standing, moving and expressing in similar ways within the same category of them being ‘conceited, spoiled, rich girls’ that I simply could not compare myself to due to all of the reasons around looks and money, and in this, believing that ‘my place’ in the world was simply to never be as perfect and always stand as a rather ‘opposition’ to these girls and find my ‘happiness point’ within that.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge a beings’ expression as conceited, arrogant, proud, spoiled and overtly expressive as an indication of having lots of money to be ‘happy’ about, without realizing how it is all part of the design wherein people with money would mostly feel ‘okay’ within their bodies and expression so that their inner conflict related to ‘body’ and ‘who they are’ would not tamper their focus on their world-system functions linked to money – therefore, I see and realize that the moment that I accept such expression as ‘more’ than myself, I am accepting the power of money equally as ‘more than myself’ instead of realizing that how we present ourselves and how we look and the money we have is only linked to who we are within this consciousness reality that is currently moved and directed by money, which is a point of inequality and representing the abuse of life at the moment – thus I cannot allow myself to be ‘impressed’ or ‘affected’ by a picture presentation, mannerism and general expression of elite beings that have been designed to present such expression and such experiences of confidence and ‘superiority’ that are inherently linked to a particular position in the world system.

 

I realize that the way to stop giving a point of ‘power’ to money in this unequal manner, is to stop defining people according to how they look, express and ‘are’ in relation to the amount of money they have and as such, focus on the physicality that we are all existent as, wherein there is no ‘more’ than physical bodies that function the exact same way in every one and that we certainly have to equalize in this world within a world system that stops complying to a seemingly ‘superior position’ that can only exist as the ‘power’ we have all agreed to endow money with, which is currently an abusive relationship toward life.

 

When and as I see myself linking standing with a straight back with an Experience of Superiority as a confidence that can only be obtained through having lots of money hence being spoiled and conceited/ having something to be ‘proud of’ – I stop and I breathe –  I realize that standing up straight is a physical position that is supportive for my back and that in no way requires any ‘concept’ behind to allow myself to stand with a straight pose.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link a ‘straight pose’ to being a ‘poser’ and ‘phony’ because of how I believed that only people with money/ power/ fame/ fortune could ‘afford’ to stand in such a manner, which is how every time that I was suggested to walk with a straight back, I would not do it because of believing that I had ‘nothing to feel superior/ proud of’ which is how I existed as the belittlement of myself, and getting to the point of tears every time that people would say that I had to stand up straight and believing that I just could not do it because I was not ‘perfect’ – hence

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to walk with a straight back as a synonym of ‘physical perfection’ that I separated myself from based on the idea of only ‘catch penny girls = rich, spoiled, good looking, confident girls’ being able to stand within such a position and expression, which is how I limited and separated myself from the ability to stand up straight without having an experience of being ‘off place’ and ‘phony’ and ‘wannabe’ essentially – thus

 

When and as I see myself creating an experience of me when standing up straight as being a poser, a wannabe or plain phony, I stop and I breathe –  I direct myself to support my physical body focusing on my standing position and realizing that a physical posture cannot define ‘who I am’ within as my inner experience, but only represents a point of physical support for my body.

 

I commit myself to stop believing that there are certain physical poses and ways of ‘carrying oneself’ that are only able to be ‘lived out/ expressed’ by people that have particular body features or a certain configuration of ‘who they are’ linked to power/ money/ fame, and instead allow myself to equalize my physical expression to that which I see is best to ‘exist as’ within the physical consideration of myself as a physical being –that’s it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately categorize beings according to ‘how they move/ express and talk’ as a way to define the amount of money they have, wherein I would immediately assess whether I would want to create/ establish relationships with them in order to ‘better’ myself through them as in getting along with ‘rich people’ who I considered as ‘less troubled people,’ and avoiding having relationships/ friendships with people that had less money as I considered them as being insecure and quiet and ostracized which I  felt mostly ‘sorry’ for and within this experience, rather deciding to get along with people I did not have to ‘feel bad about’ and as such, focus on having what I defined as ‘positive people’ because they had a fair economic situation at home.

 

When and as I see myself defining ‘who a being is’ based on how they move/ express themselves and categorizing them as either positive or negative and according to that ‘making up my mind’ in relation to ‘who I will be’ toward them, which is how we perpetuate the inequality between all human beings when seeing the person as the ‘character’ that they have become as the configuration that exists as a predisposition to the being according to the mind, the social and economical context which is the make-up as consciousness that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to define ourselves as, which is Not life in equality – but a system to deliberately create separation, disparity and further friction and conflict when comparing one to another.

 

I commit myself to stop the inequality between all beings according to how I define them based on looks, ways of expressing, vocabulary, education as I realize that all of this is valuing knowledge and information as ‘who we are’ which is unacceptable – All beings are equal as the physicality that we all represent and being guided by a point of expression, a physical appearance or any other attribute that we obtain from another through our senses must be immediately assessed as part of the ‘make-up’ within this reality that was meant to brew separation – thus it is not who we really are as physical beings that function the exact same way at a physical level.

 

The inequality between all bodies of existence begins and ends within me.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my own elitism at an early age during primary school wherein I began avoiding being around/ being friends with people that I considered as quiet and reserved and mostly ‘insecure’ as a way to identify that they were probably having a ‘tough situation at home’ which would imply that me in such relationships as friendships would have to go through all the ‘bad stuff’ of ‘dealing’ with them, thus I sought to instead be with people that could allow me to experience myself as a point of happiness, joy and even more ‘comfort’ than at home due to what they had, which is becoming prone to seek for relationships that could ensure I could have a ‘good life’ in one way or another, even if at home it wasn’t necessarily so at the time.

 

When and as I see myself defining people as either positive or negative based on the amount of money that they have and wanting to avoid ‘negative people’ at  all cost – lol – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this would be me giving power to money as an acceptable attribute/ lack to define a being’s ‘beingness’ which is Not who they Really are as physical beings that exist in an equal manner as everyone else in this reality. Thus I direct myself to treat all beings equally regardless of how they look, how they express themselves, their choice of words, their appearance, their properties or general ‘beingness’ as I realize that this is the configuration of the being we se through the Eyes of the Mind and as such, meant to brew separation.

 

I direct myself to equalize my expression to also ensure my own words, stance and expression do not veer toward a compensation toward what I see they ‘lack’ or a compensation toward that which I see they are ‘doing a lot of’ – ex. such as talking ‘more’ with a being that is not as talkative and talk less when being with a being that ‘talks a lot’ and instead, equalize myself to at all times simply consider my expression in the moment when necessary, and not as a ‘counter act’ to the people I am relating myself to.  I see and realize how within the moment that I allow a single point of expression in another to determine and define ‘who I am’ toward other beings’ is allowing me to become a ‘counter balancing act’ toward another character and in that, allowing them to be reduced to a single character. Therefore I direct myself to be the example of what it is to live and exist as an equalized expression that considers a physical communication in equality, in the moment wherein no pictures, no backgrounds, no possessions, no colors exist as a mask to talk through/ express through.

 

I commit myself to stop reducing people to ‘who they are’ as knowledge and information translated to social positions, picture presentation, properties, lacks and what I perceive as positive or negative which can only exist as the ‘masks’ that we’ve worn in order to create an unequal reality based on Money.

 

(To be continued)

Mind control stops here:

Desteni

Desteni I Process
Desteni Lite Process : Enroll today, Free Online Course to learn the living skills to live in Equality
Equal Money System

 

mind controlled

 

Blogs:

 

Must Hear Interviews related to Racism, Skin Color, the Elite and body designs in order to STOP the Inequality based on the physical aspect of our body.
The Series of Interviews The Soul of Money exists as a backbone and necessary material to study in order to understand the dynamics of the monetary system, economics and our individual lifestyles  – a must hear to have a practical perspective on the changes necessary within this world in order to create a living condition that is best for all.

 


%d bloggers like this: