Category Archives: disturbing fascinations

423. Proof that I’ve been Mind Controlled

 

Following through a bit with this ‘happiness’ redefinition, I would not have been able to be comfortable in opening up this word to redefine if I hadn’t looked at a key aspect that I’ve been noticing for quite some time in walking this process of removing/stopping past self-definitions.

This became clearer when I shared in a podcast I called Doing Good = Uncool? about how currently there is a tendency to deem everything that is rebellious and antagonistic as ‘cool’ and everything that is supportive, disciplined and orderly as ‘uncool’ – and the way I found out that this mostly was a personal perception is when I attempted to find pictures on Google images that would depict this type of construct or judgments upon what I had seen as ‘cool’ and ‘uncool,’ there were no pictures for me to depict that! So that made it obvious that I had to rather look at it from a very personal manner instead and ended up creating my own ‘picture’ to depict the kind of perception I had held within me.

 

Cool vs uncool

 

My previous attempt in life was to become what I defined and believed to be a ‘cool’ person, so just because I had gotten so much bashing/criticism from my peers while growing up for always being ‘the straight A’ person in school and so being defined as nerdy for that and ‘tight’ or ‘uncool,’ I focused on finding ways to shake those definitions off by being very specific in the type of ‘person/personality’ I would become. This is how I decided to pick and integrate aspects that I could deem were going ‘against the grain,’ so to speak, against the expectations that I perceived everyone had around me. This influenced everything of me, the way I would dress/look, act, speak, the topics I would bring up, the kind of books I read, the kind of music I’d listen to, the way I would relate to people, to my family etc.  And TV was a great source of ‘inspiration’/dormant brainwashing for that, as I have shared here previously that I mostly grew up watching MTV and so there I shaped all my preferences toward everything and everyone that seemed to ‘challenge’ the status quo, to go against the flow and step out of the ‘schemes’ in one way or another, or be intimidating toward others, as a way to ‘challenge the establishment’ or being in a constant ‘defense mode,’ which is a ‘trendy’ way to actually hide the fear that instigates these ‘hardass’ personalities.

Little did I know that this was part of a greater scheme of social engineering to have kids grow up aspiring to be ‘rockstars’ or ‘artists’ and had nothing to do or no sense of responsibility to this world, but instead define all things ‘rebellious’ and ‘antagonistic to the system’ as being super cool.

So, this is how I then became what I could define as a disciplined rebel, because it’s not like I started slacking at school, I actually proved that I could still ‘pull out a straight A’ without even studying at times, just by being very attentive in class and so using my ‘wits’ to challenge professors and classmates alike – lol, I was really in for being like a typical dissident in many ways and deem that as cool, even if for others it wasn’t, to ‘me’ that was the definition of ‘being an outcast’ and enjoying myself within that because of seeing myself as ‘special,’ as having ‘no trend’ without realizing it was a trend and it was becoming more and more common in order to get people reacting, being angry and antagonistic against everything and everyone, just to remain in perpetual conflict and never looking at solutions.

Of course nowadays doing this type of ‘dissidence’ has become like the norm and it’s no longer as ‘shocking’ as it was some 10 years ago, which is how I’ve seen a fascinating shift in the perception of ‘values’ and the role that the media/TV has had on twisting people’s ideas of ‘what they want to do with their lives’ and what they find as ‘cool’ or ‘uncool’ by imposing a ‘new’ morality that claims openness, sexual liberation and ‘independence’ but it’s all just a false idea of empowerment through antagonism – been there, done that, doesn’t work!

So this is why I then saw that everything I deemed as ‘uncool’ was in fact that which was in fact supportive: to be self-responsible, to be disciplined, to be non-antagonistic, to have a ‘clean’ presentation of oneself, to not be destructive, to not bash or blame others, etc. This included a very key aspect that had prevented me from realizing I could live the word ‘happiness’ in fact, because I had associated happiness with people being fully blind and not seeing reality, I deemed it as a dirty word that could only be used to define an ever elusive utopia that we were too far away from or impossible of ever creating even. I deemed that anyone that could call themselves ‘happy’ were absolutely disingenuous and blinded from reality. So it is in this judgment that I then prevented me from even considering looking at this word ‘happiness’ for myself, meaning investigating ‘who I was’ toward this world, how I could live it in a self-honest manner; I was in a way still holding on to the ‘image’ or ‘idea’ of myself as still ‘challenging the system’ and being cool in that, but in no way wanting to get to what I had defined as ‘being a positive thinker’ of sorts by talking about things like ‘being happy,’ or creating a ‘happy future for everyone’ lol.

 

 

 

All of these are just judgments and perceptions wherein I was in fact denying to myself being able to expand my living into seeing the word happiness and not link it to some nerdy-good-doer type of personality as my own mind construct, as my own past definitions that came through ‘judgments’ that I refused to be or become at others’ eyes. In fact now that I can speak about it and define me in the process of creating happiness within myself and my world, I no longer see something pulling out inside me as a ‘NOOO what the hell are you talking about!!?’ type of reluctant backchat that would come within me whenever anyone talked about ‘being happy’ or aiming at being happy in this world. A part of me really, really rejoiced experiencing and living in misery, gloom and doom which is a whole construct that I’ve been debunking throughout the years in this process, and along with that discovering what I was preventing me from acknowledging as part of my living potential, just because I had defined it as ‘uncool’ lol, and going ‘against my personality.’

What are personalities really but locks and cells wherein we believe we would ‘get out of character’ if we challenge such self-definitions and preferences and dare to think outside of our box – it’s really all a mind job wherein we hold on to ‘past definitions’ of who we are and in that we lock ourselves in one way or another from being able to fully embrace our living potential, which is not at all about being a ‘good person’ now instead of an ‘evil one,’ not at all –  it’s about recognizing words for the expression they are and can be when lived in self-honesty, and no longer about words that hold relationships to pictures, ideas, personalities or preferences as they exist in the world system.

 

In this, I realize that if we are to genuinely become the living word, we have to expunge ourselves from any limitation, any self-delimitation/definition that keeps us locked into a phoney idea of ‘who we are,’ which becomes a constricted character that is still defined by attitudes, behaviors, preferences, personality traits and so forth which are all part of the egos we believe we are. So it’s always a matter of asking oneself: what do I accept and allow to define me and my every moment in this world? What am I still holding on to with preventing me from living this word – such as ‘happiness’- as myself? Why had I defined this word as uncool and a pure sham? What am I missing out when dismissing living a world that is actually able to be lived and constructed in a self-honest manner?

Seems that self-sabotage is the only answer as to why we prevent us from digging out the corpses that prevent us from give ourselves a real blank-slate to create our lives, free from the past, I mean why would I want to hold on to an idea of ‘who I should be’? To be liked by ‘certain kinds of people’ only? Because I wanted to get along and ‘attract’ similar people – but would I then be even ‘attracting’ real and genuine people or only other similar characters that focus on getting along with similar characters in their lives to remain locked in the same characters forevermore?

Time to break the shell of one’s personality in all ways and challenge it further, and to me having to be speaking of solutions, focusing on looking at practical reality outcomes and how I can be a living example of doing this would have been like an ‘uncool’ thing to do in the past, because I was following the bashing/ rebelling trend, lol, not considering that I was really on my way to be a self-defined pariah that wanted to be special and ‘cool’ through abdicating all responsibility to myself and my world, because ‘oh it was ‘so cool’ to only bash the world and do nothing about it.’ ´

My suggestion is to watch out for this kind of thinking construct, even more so when this kind of ‘attitude’ is shaping lots of youngsters mindsets with ‘life mottos’ such as Y.O.L.O You Only Live Once and ‘living life on the fast lane,’ being the most ‘rebel’ and ‘darky’ and ‘antagonistic’ to precisely avoid youngsters genuine awareness of how they can contribute to creating life, a better future for all – and instead remain in an abysmal and gloomy outlook on life, because in that way you get discouraged from ‘doing something about it’ and so, it’s most profitable to seek ‘happiness’ or fulfillment through trends, drugs, partying and sex than doing anything genuinely supportive in one’s life.

And so, this is then a general self-awareness point wherein this ‘live fast, die young , don’t give a fuck about anything or anyone, do drugs, have sex with as many as you can and enjoy the rock and roll’ type of mentality is seen as ‘the ultimate cool’: It is not, and that’s why there’s such a vast amount of disarray and mental/physical problems in young adults that follow this ‘trends’ that actually start from TV, from so called ‘alternative books’ as well as it happened in my case.

 

Here’s an invitation to look at yourself, where is it that you are still a product of social-engineering brainwashing through the media and ‘culture’ in terms of personalities, likes-dislikes, preferences, the ‘type of people’ you’ve perceived yourself to be and all the points that go ‘against your character’ that you have refrained yourself from openly investigating. I would not have been able to get to this conclusion if I hadn’t walked the process of deconstructing ‘me’ as a personality and so link the dots to see why I had a slight reaction to even talk about ‘happiness’ before.

 

Life is not about becoming a character that seeks to be the ultimate cool and ‘rebellious,’ that’s the illusion of freedom SOLD as an EXPERIENCE.

Genuine and real freedom from mind control is to take responsibility for oneself, to actually not allow oneself to be brainwashed into ‘trends’ or following what the masses think is ‘cool’ which at the moment is ‘the masses think being a rebel is cool’ which is then of course not at all an actual ‘threat’ any longer, lol, it never has been! Think of the punk movement as being part of social engineering in Britain to exacerbate youngster’s addictions and dissociation from taking responsibility in their society, because drug addicts and an impaired society is more easy to control than healthy, self-aware and ‘unbrainwashable’ individuals, which is what we have to now focus on being and becoming – mind control is only possible if we accept it and allow it.

So, are you mind controlled?

 

Unhooking Past Definitions

 

Cool blog to read on re-approaching Happiness:

Why I First Resisted The Relationship of Happiness to Money – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 653

 

Oldie:

2012 Destonians Take Over the World: The New Culture of LIFE

 

Read people recognizing their self creation abilities – including the redefinition of happiness – in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.

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417. How to Become Your Own Role Model

There was a blog entry I made some time ago about the documentary ‘Come and Worry With Us’

397. Come and Stop Worrying about Money & Children with us

about one of my favorite bands and generally discussing the problems that come when lacking sufficient money while still wanting to keep producing art, in this case performing and so generally seeing a more realistic approach to the lives of the people ‘on the spotlight’ so to speak, however I realize there is another dimension there to look at and that is part of my lack of objectivity when viewing this documentary, because I had a particular kinship toward the band itself and the people in it, specifically the leader of the band who happens to be part of another band that has been well known for remaining ‘out of the system,’ giving few interviews over the years, rejecting prizes from mainstream music industry, having no lyrics on their songs yet using their titles and general sounds used in the music as a constant reminder of the turbulent times we live in – such as wars, economic depression, general emotional depression, worrying about the future etc.

So, within investigating this, I realized that the people I had ‘admired’ throughout my life were mostly artists that have been able to ‘make it’ into the system without ‘selling out’ or what I then judged as ‘making lots of money into the system while escaping from complying to “the establishment.” That was my type of ‘ideal’ in life, to be ‘out of the system’ – I once thought that was possible, lol – and still make good money and speak on the frontline of ‘the oppressed’ so to speak. I’ve debunked in the past this character but there’s a dimension that I had missed looking at in terms of how I had admired individuals that I perceived as a form of ‘warriors’ themselves, to ‘stick to their guns’ so to speak, to stick to their beliefs and what they stand for which I see that this particular individual mostly does.

 

Efrim Menuck

 

In the documentary ‘Come and Worry with Us’ Efrim Menuck actually refuses to place higher prices to concert tickets in order for them to make more money  – and so have more economic solvency – because he wants to keep to the point of having ‘fair ticket prices’ for the public. This is something that I would have praised and seen as remarkable – but, is it really Self-Honest to actually go through hardship just to stick to one belief? Or is it really compromising the wellbeing of his own son/family/band for the sake of keeping his stance of anti-capitalism? Is it really common sensical to have a constant war toward money itself and wage a ‘fight against capitalism’ while refusing to do any other work and so placing your own financial security at risk, just because of not wanting to ‘sell out’ or ‘kiss corporate ass’ so to speak? My ideal was to be able to also ‘stick to my guns’ and rebel to the system in one way or another, but back then I had no idea of how even money was created or whether there was a genuine possibility to be ‘outside of the system’ – which I now understand of course cannot be a possibility even if I lived in Papua New Guinea.

 

So, in this, I realize that any trace of creating a preference for a particular individual based on the ‘ideals’ they stand for and those ideals being essentially based on antagonism toward the ‘establishment’ is still idolizing part of the problem in this world, because their ‘qualities’ are based on opposing something, on waging war against a certain faction and that’s essentially re-creating the idea of ‘resistance’ toward something or someone, instead of actually focusing on understanding the problem and so developing solutions.  Efrim himself has said how musicians are cowards because they can sing about the problems but most are not directly involved in creating solutions – and most of the solutions that come from people that follow this kind of ideals are based on further revolts and protesting, which is no actual solution in fact.

 

art workers won't kiss ass

 

 

Today I was pondering why so many artists can see the problems in society , but all that they have managed to do is expose it in pictures, in complicated objects and abstractions that would take more than one ‘quick view’ from a person to understand the actual message most of the times. I have then seen that as much as art has had this role of pointing out what is wrong with society and mirror it back, it lacks any substantial process of creating solutions. Some have gotten more involved into what would seem as social or anthropological work, getting involved with ‘the art piece’ that is part of a particular community/in situ, however those are still packets of solutions here and there, while the more general type of solutions will always come from the greater realms that still direct our society, which is politics, economics, education systems, media, etc. And art is still from my perspective a niche part of society that creates meta-languages that only a few can understand.

 

I simply realized that in order to ‘create change in the world’ as I have aspired to do, it takes more than just presenting images, sculptures, videos to people. Sure, it is a stepping stone, a bridge – but ultimately it is one’s own process of self-change that really enables one to understand also the magnitude of the problem and so also the best ways to go directing ourselves to support this change as well.

It’s interesting that one of the reasons I wanted to be an ‘artist’ is precisely for the kind of statements an attitudes generally attributed to artists such as: ‘an artist won’t lick the establishment’s boots.’ I had not questioned even for one moment that in doing this, one is standing in a constant warfare toward ‘the system’ instead of realizing we all are the system. In this stance, one is acting as any other ego in this world that is separated from others, that is standing with some and against others, while having no real practical solution development process in it. In this it is about clarifying that it’s not about the process of creation here, but rather the personalities I had placed more value and as such an experience on.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever idolize a particular lifestyle that stood for a particular idea of persona that I wanted to be based on my desire to stand ‘against the system’ without ever realizing how only an ego can stand in separation from another.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to idolize another individual based on the principles of ‘standing up to the system’ or ‘sticking to their guns’ as a way to exemplify people that would still survive and ‘make a living’ in an apparent non-sellout way to ‘the system,’ wherein I had created a sense of heroism toward people that would ‘dare’ to do this, and see them as role models, without realizing that in reality creating such kind of ‘stance’ toward ‘the system’ is once again perpetuating the problem as in standing ‘against’ those that we perceive as ‘the wrongdoers,’ ‘the evil ones,’ ‘the capitalistic mafia,’ without realizing we are all part of and co-creators of this ‘evil mafia’ as our world and money system and we would not be able to have the lives we have right now if we weren’t part of the system as  a whole, which implies that by virtue of being a human being in this world, using money, using resources, relating to others, existing in this world = it implies we are all part of the system.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to romanticize the idea of my ‘role models’ being individuals that were cryptic in nature, were antagonistic yet sad and dismal about the state of affairs in the world, which I associated with being profoundly ‘sensitive’ individuals and within this, justifying their stance of being ‘against the system,’ without realizing that this is in fact a victimized state of showing ‘the system’ what ‘it has done to them’ and also remain within such excuse to not partake in the actual process of self-responsibility and self-creation that is required to genuinely change things.

We can actually all learn how to coexist, communicate, come to agreements and work together within the system using our creativity for the betterment of all in a Practical Way, instead of using art as a way to only use representations to criticize, judge, point fingers and blame and taking the vantage point, the righteousness of being the ‘fair one’ that is doing ‘nothing wrong’ and can only resort to ‘complain about it.’ This is precisely how we have disempowered ourselves, by creating yet another bubble in society wherein all the people that are most informed about the problems, that see and understand the problems, that can even create ‘art’ based on it are not really working within the spheres where real change can take place, which is in education, in politics, in law systems wherein we can in fact change the codes, the rules and how we manage our society.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have surrounded myself with people that I thought I had admired for ‘taking a stance’ within the system, mostly of judging and complaining about it which I once identified as ‘powerful’ but in fact, it is the most disempowered state one can be in, and more so only channeling one’s observations into a song or a painting or a discourse against ‘the powers that be’ instead of genuinely understanding the process of changing the world beginning with oneself, stopping all antagonistic stance toward ‘the world’ and the perceived ‘evil ones’ and walk the actual process of self-forgiving all the antagonism and inner conflict toward reality so that one can focus on learning how we came to create this mess, this world-system problem and so focus our time, attention and dedication to becoming the solution, to creating and presenting solutions as that’s the real way we can genuinely unite in one single voice that stands as self-responsibility and no longer remain as futile resistance and antagonism.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having ever been in awe and amazed at people that I would see ‘standing up to the establishment’ or ‘daring’ to speak about everything that is wrong about the world and see them as heroes, as ‘superior’ individuals – without realizing that speaking against, shouting, marching, protesting and joining the antagonistic ‘choir’ so to speak is rather a stepping stone and a relatively easier thing to do  – it also creates a self-belief of righteousness and justice, but what has been missed is pondering how such reclamation, how such anger and spite toward the system is in fact supporting to create a solution at all? How is one’s anger, one’s sadness and despair, one’s decision to ‘not sell out’ in fact supporting to change the nature of ourselves as individuals and so with doing that, changing the nature of the world system that does function in a enslavement-mode.

Isn’t it only self-interest to create an experience within oneself of righteousness about one’s ‘beliefs’ and stance when such beliefs are defined according to begin against something/someone? In fact, all our past revolutionaries have become personalities printed on posters as an example to new generations of a perceived ‘way forward’ for change through ideals of change and a call for revolution, when in fact that will only lead to and perpetuate the ongoing wars we have.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word idol or hero in the context of people I have seen have apparently ‘stood up to the system’ but only in a fighting mode or in a ‘resistance’ manner, which ultimately keeps the war going between ‘two sides’ that antagonize each other and do not actually get to put down the defenses and work together in self-responsibility to create genuine solutions. This would be the new heroism, wherein we no longer have to ‘fight a battle’ to ‘win’ and so be identified as the ‘hero of the day’ but rather define here-oism as an individual that lives by principle, that commits to being fully HERE as Life and whose actions are aimed at benefiting him/herself and others as well.

Heroism means to stand in absolute self-responsibility and accountability, to ensure one stops all inner wars first, then a real hero or role model emerges as someone that won’t ever antagonize themselves with another, but instead lives the realization that it is only through self-forgiving our polarization, our antagonism and inner battles that we can create a genuine world living in peace and harmony, just as the one that many artists or ‘heroes’ have attempted to create. But ultimately, living in actual self-responsibility makes you no one’s enemy, no one’s ‘freedom fighter’ and so, war is annihilated when recognizing and living in equality.

 

Integrity is the congruence sticking to live by and apply living principles that stand within the consideration of what is best for all, that implies not only sticking to what one prefers or sees as ‘righteous’ but implies actually actively pushing oneself to become a self-responsible and self honest human being. This means walking the talk and stopping any form of hypocrisy by denying what is here as ourselves and blaming someone for it. All is self-responsibility, all is our self-creation.

 

Real self-change begins with oneself, begins with recognizing that this system as ‘capitalism’ is not the problem in itself, but ourselves as human beings . Taking an antagonistic stance and pretending to be an ‘outsider’ to it all is abdicating self-responsibility and creating a new self-religion, a trendy form of excuse, justification and self-belief that the battle against the government/ the establishment can in any way be ‘won’ when there’s nothing to win in a world where if we don’t actually get to work together, we will simply deplete everything that is here and we won’t have anyone to battle on any longer because fighting is never the solution, self-direction and common sense is. Why haven’t we realized how we actually co-create wars as we fight for our plight to freedom? Why should we even have to ‘fight’ for something that should be given as a guaranteed living right?

The solution for myself is once again to be very aware of any reminiscence of praising individuals for having ‘strong beliefs’ that can be disguised as justice, as ‘fighting for what’s right’ but in fact when looking at how they live, what they think and where they stand, compromising one’s financial stability for the sake of ‘sticking to one’s beliefs’ is not common sense. More so with artists, there’s a lot of creativity and engineering processes that are being squandered only in pieces that are shown in museums or streets, but still just pieces of matter, words or images that intend to open up people’s eyes but I’ve realized that art in itself as a material thing is is not enough – it can be a starting point, a bridge, an opening toward a certain perspective or view,  but currently we mostly lack ways in which to give a follow-up to that ‘awakening’ process.

That’s why sharing about this self-creative process is the most important thing I see is required in our current society, so that we can shift our focus from the fights and antagonism or despair, toward an actual recognition of our power and ability to change ourselves and so change the world. Sounds like a cliché, but I’m testing this real time and it works, and it is not a quick fix since it is like re-weaving one’s own life toward a supportive outcome. I can guarantee that you won’t be the same as you were before, but isn’t that the point of living: growing out of the constriction and taking one’s own self-directive decisions and choices in life? What a better way to do this but within a principle where all/everyone is considered, where one recognizes one’s own potential and so lives in the world embracing the current consequential outflows of our past, because we understand that cringing about it makes no difference – and instead, we focus on applying, living and becoming the solution.

 

Within this I realize that I have actually stopped following ‘role models’ and decided to rather commit myself to be my own role model and within that become a living example for myself and others of what living as a self-responsible being implies. This is then something that entails committing to live by the principles of life in self-honesty wherein I decide to make of my life my own work of art that I can actually fully stand for and so debunk the ideas of having to follow other role models that so far have led us nowhere. Not even admiring a great man that shared with us the process of Self Forgiveness is acceptable, because in admiration one beliefs one is incapable of standing as equal to another, and that’s the whole point of walking this process: to recognize our full potential as equals within our individuality, which means: each one holds a very specific key to world-change.

 

Life is rather short, we only got one life so let’s live it every moment fully in self-creation mode.

 

Inspire yourself with people around the globe standing up and walking the process of self creation:

 

Pointing back at me

 

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


392. Why are Emotional Relationships a Fuckup?

Continuing from:

 

“So the disillusionment with arts have to do with My Own expectations about it. How I thought that this was ‘the way’ to change the world and of course I didn’t follow through with ‘becoming an artist’ in the traditional sense which I then perceived as myself already ‘opting out’ of it all and seeing the sheer idea of dedicating myself to ‘create art’ as utterly selfish, without realizing how much I had desired ‘that’ to be my reality before. I’ve also been recently sharing about these points with people, explaining how I’m not proud of the decisions I made earlier on in my life and how I would not recommend anyone to study arts. I do however not say ‘don’t study arts’ but simply place my own expectations, my own experience, my decision to do something else and how such studies were a nice platform but not real tools that I can apply to what I am doing now.” From 387. The Love/Hate Relationship with Art

 

Nostalghia

 

Facing Myself, my Relationships through the Relationship with Art

I suggest to read:  What does it Mean to Have a Relationship with Oneself? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 608 by Andrew Gable

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationships based on emotions and feelings wherein it doesn’t matter whether it is arts or a person or a responsibility or a place, the moment that I create emotional and feeling attachments to places/people/objects/professions then I begin creating my own trap through definitions based on what I believe that ‘I like’ and what I believe is ‘my thing’ based on nothing else but emotions, feelings, experiences that I went attaching toward something/someone over time, and then believing that I am in fact all of these experiences, emotions and feelings in relation to something or someone, without realizing that such experiences cannot define what such something or someone is in fact, as it is all entirely self-created, it is me-myself that has created this experience within me.

Within this premise, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately automate the words ‘my relationship to/with something/someone’ being defined as an experience that I have built toward something or someone instead of the actuality of how I participate, interact with, communicate with /through something or someone and within that realizing that any experience that I create is entirely my own and has nothing to do with that something or someone but myself at all times.

Therefore I realize that the projections upon ‘art’ is in fact the experience that I have created toward the who I was within that time of my life when I chose to study art and that If I were to place myself within that same frame of mind 7 years ago, I would probably still go for that choice in life, which means that it is a decision I made entirely based on what I wanted to experience and who I wanted to be as a personality, an ego and satisfy my drive that I went building up throughout time to ‘make it’ within the art world – so this point I have opened up before however now I am able to see that it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself, I’ve made of art the excuse to project my own judgments toward my decisions, the way that I established relationships toward this something that I ‘built myself’ around, and as such because I realized I could not continue constructing myself as ‘an artist’ within the initial ideals I had, then I acted in spite and begun regretting and embarrassed by my choices in life as I see them as ‘useless’ without realizing that I was actually reacting at all the various others things I did in my life throughout that time of which I cannot be proud of either and that I cannot certainly recognize as ‘myself’ any longer so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the relationships that I built with people and with specifically my career as ‘arts’ which in fact reflect all the choices in my life, the people that I chose to surround myself with and that I cannot really judge myself for who I was back then as back then I had no awareness of the points I am aware now.

So I realize that I have to stop being ‘hard’ on myself based on this hidden-experience of having ‘the past haunting me,’ and so be able to finally let go of it as I do not have to re-enact this kind of shame or embarrassment about myself, my past relationships, my emotionally-driven decisions in life because it is to realize that back then I didn’t know any other way – and so instead I am grateful to be able to be here writing myself, having deviated from ‘the path’ that I had initially chosen as god knows where the hell I would be if I had followed through my ‘lifestyle’ and the relationships I built around the same ego and personality that I was. I rather see and recognize that I’ve definitely moved on from that phase of my life, but! Also realizing that every time that I create an experience toward any memory, any relationship, any past choice including my decision to study arts, I recreate the entire network of ‘the who I was’ in my past and as such I continue enslaving myself to those relationships and only fuel the negative experiences that are the opposite polarity to the initial positive experiences that I used to build my relationships with people and with the profession/career I was veering myself toward.

And within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to follow the usual pattern within the mind which is ‘dissing’ something once that one has squeezed the last drop of positive experience out of it, which means that once that it ‘served me’ and ‘its purpose’ and I’ve hit the ground back into reality about it and I am no longer seeing visions based on emotional and feeling experiences, then I go into the opposite polarity of talking bad about it and feeling righteous within that, without realizing that it is only the predetermined and rather predictable outcome from an initial positive experience that I created with such ‘passion’ about it that when the whole experience was no more, I ‘dropped’ down to the bottom and the opposite – so it happened just like a typical relationship wherein people first get in love with each other and as time progress and the energy runs dry, they part ways and talk shit about each other, so that’s what I did toward ‘art,’ and I didn’t even realize it because to me it was so right that it hadn’t fulfilled my expectations that I believed I had ‘the right’ to feel that way about it, without seeing the obvious: it was a feeling, an emotion, a judgment that came from nothing else but the ‘who I was’ toward art and so, within this ‘dissing’ recreating my past relationship to art over and over again – trapping myself in my own past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form emotional relationships toward what I deemed as ‘my career’ or ‘my path’ which in this case was art/being an artist and within this allow a physical process to become a rather emotionally driven relationship, similar to those that I’ve walked with individuals wherein there are a lot of feelings and emotions attached to something/someone that I want to hold onto and when the relationship is no more, such dependency then turns into a ‘lack’ of this fulfillment gotten from something or someone and as such, it turns into a form of bitterness ‘toward something or someone,’ without realizing that this all is really not about ‘art’ in itself or the people in my past relationships or else, it’s about myself and how I created relationships of dependency upon others in order to ‘satisfy me’ or ‘complete me’ or give me some kind of experience to which I could define myself, build myself, construct and upgrade myself as the ego that I was wanting to be within the ‘who I am’ as a professional artist as well as within the relationship formed in relation to who I am as an artist and in relationship to others.

 

Therefore I realize that the best way to follow through with this is to entirely let go of my experiences toward my past specifically and so be able to give myself back to myself as being able to focus on what is here, what I am working with, what I am developing as myself and also to align my relationship to art and be able to enjoy it, visiting museums or read about it, hear it, interact with it without loading the entire experience of ‘going to the museum’ and defining myself according to that any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in the past few years and whenever I would talk about some forms of contemporary art become infuriated and a bit angry about what I defined as being utterly selfish and self-centered and ‘useless’ to the problems that I was then realizing were ‘much more important than that’ – and in this, I still agree that there are more important points in life than some kinds of art that are merely conceptual and contemplative and ‘useless’ as a tool to create practical solutions to the world – however, this obviously doesn’t justify the fact that I’ve been spiteful and holding this love-hate relationship to it, and within this only fueling an inner conflict of still being interested in or curious about the current art forms that are emerging while at the same time judging it as useless so here

I had considered myself to feel bitter about art

art-should-be

Bitter: causing pain or unhappiness. Feeling or showing angry hurt or resentment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bitter about art as in becoming resentful toward it and toward the people that create it, not realizing that I had exactly done the opposite for a prolonged period of time which is why the inner conflict arose in the first place, all based on me wanting to make of art the quintessential human experience and making it the most ‘honorable profession on Earth’ or so, and so believing that being an artist was the same or similar thing as to say I was chosen by god and/or touched by god, so in essence a lot of delusions of grandeur that I created within me and that I projected toward art. So, this bitterness as in being angry, resentful, dissatisfied toward art has to do with me having to let go of my own desires/hopes/dreams related to me becoming an artist. So once again, it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself but the expectations and experiences I created toward it and so, when realizing I had to stop pursuing my mind any further and only feeding my ego, that’s when the opposite relationship came up.

When and as I see myself feeling bitter about any form of art that I may see, read about or even people that create art and discuss their work – I stop and I breathe, I ensure that I am not tensing my physical body and experiencing that bolt of energy within me wanting to ‘let them know the truth about their creation’ which is in fact nothing else but me wanting to ‘express’ through reaction, as if I had ‘the truth’ within myself and so within this actually becoming nothing more than an ego that wants to be recognized for ‘my new position’ which is not really supportive but only a packet of resentment, judgments and overall bitterness toward that which I once praised.

I realize that this all comes from how much the entirety of ‘my world’ and ‘myself’ that I deemed as ‘real’ and ‘genuine’ were in fact not, so this whole relationship with art I remember very well was the first initial ‘big hit’ that I took when understanding who we are as the mind, as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system and that the thing I feared losing the most was the personality I had created through/as art and having chosen that path for myself, which is why that initial big fear of loss about this self-definition had such a ‘big impact’ in the aftermath, wherein I allowed myself to not be entirely self-directive toward art but instead then create the opposite polarity and so still participating within the mind. And this came through even though I believed I was ‘well over with it,’ only to test out not long ago that there were still reactions coming through the more ‘artistic’ documentaries I would watch and wanting to ignore the reactions to it until I simply believed that I had to ‘speak my mind’ about it – and yes, it was ‘my mind’ and a till here no further to when and as I see myself questioning or asking another about their creation from the starting point of the ‘bitter drop-out of an artist’ that I became in my mind, and so stop defining myself based on the choices of the past and focus on communicating or creating a dialogue based on what we can learn from it, what can be useful to understand our human condition or even innovate and take points to be creative in the ways that I can support myself and others through this process while using art as a supportive tool for it, without endowing it the entire ‘duty’ of ‘changing the world’ in itself, which as I’ve previously discussed, it’s impossible.

When and as I see myself wanting to create an experience of spite or disdain and bitterness toward ‘art’ and seeing it as useless or pointless while at the same time being curious about it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that both the negative and positive experiences are only re-creations of the ‘who I was’ in the past as an art-lover and then the who I became as the anti-thesis of that which was pretty much being very critical toward art within a negative context, and so I simply stop, breathe and observe/interact with it without creating any experience but rather seeing it objectively for what it is. And this is the challenge really because I had cult-ivated the experiences attached to works of art and becoming emotional about it, which I also learned from books at the same time. So I realize that all of my emotions and feelings are in fact nothing else but knowledge and information that I’ve translated into energetic experiences that serve no purpose for me to interact with something or someone.

 

I commit myself to be able to be here as breath while witnessing performances, watching/visiting museums or art galleries and also to remain here as breath when getting too excited about seeing something because that’s also once again recreating the same pattern of the visual vicious – which I’ve talked about extensively of – and so realize it’s just images, it’s just pictures, it’s just a part of reality and the only way I can ‘react’ to something is if I ‘load’ all my past-definitions in order to react based on memories and the knowledge that I had built around art and the ‘who I am’ toward art. So I can practically simply stop those past definitions and focus on reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read about the Stendhal syndrome in some book and consider that I would get this kind of experiences such as seeing ‘the sublime’ and mostly images that would depict the end of the world, which is why I focused myself so much on depicting the end of the world and getting a kick out of it, and believe that these emotions were ‘normal’ to me and that I had all the right to ‘express them’ but, the reality is that it was all a self-created experience and that there was no ‘magic’ or ‘real connection’ to painting or anything like that which I believed was something ‘special’ within me. Therefore I realize that these experiences were pretty much all created within my desperate need to ‘feel something’ because I had deemed the ability to ‘feel’ as in becoming emotional as special, as sensitive, as ‘unique’ in a human being – and so I created my own web of experiences according to how I would see others would feel and so mimic it, read books that were very emotional and then going determining what I would find as ‘emotional’ and what I would like to experience and so integrate as part of the ‘who I was’ as the characters that I read about and that I eventually wanted to create for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made of past relationships as something conflictive and filled with ‘turmoil’ inside my mind as I realize that this was also part of the definition of who I wanted to be as a very sensitive person in order to be able to have stories to tell or talk about, as I believed that I had to suffer to make any real art. Therefore, I realize that any experience I created toward something or someone wasn’t part of reality as such, but entirely self created in my mind. Within this, I realize that also in my relationships the experiences I created about others were never ‘real’ as such, but only the plethora of experiences and definitions I created upon them – that’s why once the energy ran dry and seeing the individuals or situations that I was in within my life with sober eyes and frame of mind, the ‘truth’ of myself and the interactions with others/something came through as it is.

 

So a way to redefine a relationship it is to first of all no longer define tit through/as an emotion or feeling, something that we believe is ‘real’ in the mind based on memories, ideas, beliefs, past experiences that we then make real as our preference, as that which ‘we want,’ without taking physical reality into consideration.

Therefore an emotional relationship will always end up as a ‘fuck-up’ if it is not aligned to physical reality wherein I can stand as an individual that first of all ponders what it is that I sought in my relationship with something/someone that I believed I didn’t have myself, alone – and so realize that whichever I was expecting to get from ‘art’ or someone in my life were and had been all points of separation, illusions that I believed were unable to be experienced within me. So this is how the best way to create a relationship with someone or something is to ensure that it is seen through the eyes of physical reality, where no emotions, feelings, no past experiences, no ideals, wants, needs or desires become a decisive factor in terms of defining who I am toward others, as all I have to consider is myself and within doing that I can then interact with something/someone based on the principles that I can integrate within myself, as the relationship that I want to establish for myself so that no matter what I do, where I am, with who or alone, I remain stable, supporting myself, getting to know about others in the relationships formed with my reality, recognizing myself as one and equal with them, instead of seeing them as points to ‘fulfill me’ or things/experiences that I believed I lacked.

I realize that it’s been supportive to revisit this aspect of ‘my relationship to art’ to review my state of affairs in relation to other relationships based on emotions in the past, and so to focus on preventing further ‘fuckups’ as the ups and downs and polarity relationships of ‘love and hate’ as that is all of the mind –  instead there are more physical aspects and perspectives to consider here as well.

Life on Earth in itself is built through relationships, so I cannot define relationships only as personal relationships with something or someone, but rather realize that we are all made of and constantly require and exist as relationships that define the way we live in our world – therefore the more we are able to act, participate and be part of these relationships in a physical and common sensical manner without being driven by desires, hopes, dreams, fantasies and illusions, the more we will be able to begin changing the focus of our reality – from the distraction that emotional relationships are to a rather physical process of aligning ourselves to that which enables our coexistence in the best possible manner – no feelings/emotions required for that, no special relationships but rather the equalization and realization of who I am as this interdependence

 

to be continued…

Mechanical Heart 06

 

To learn more about how to establish proper Relationships suggest the Re-defining Relationships – Agreement Course  as well as:


386. War Crimes are Born in the Mind

A reflection on Errol Morris’ “The Unknown Known” a documentary about Donald Rumsfeld

“n THE UNKNOWN KNOWN, Academy Award-winning director Errol Morris (THE FOG OF WAR) offers a mesmerizing portrait of Donald Rumsfeld, the larger-than-life figure who served as George W. Bush’s secretary of defense and as the principal architect of the Iraq War. Rather than conducting a conventional interview, Morris has Rumsfeld perform and explain his “snowflakes” — the enormous archive of memos he wrote across almost fifty years in Congress, the White House, in business, and twice at the Pentagon. The memos provide a window into history — not as it actually happened, but as Rumsfeld wants us to see it. By focusing on the “snowflakes,” with their conundrums and their contradictions, Morris takes us where few have ever been — beyond the web of words into the unfamiliar terrain of Rumsfeld’s mind. THE UNKNOWN KNOWN presents history from the inside out. It shows how the ideas, the fears, and the certainties of one man, written out on paper, transformed America, changed the course of history — and led to war.”

 

When I directed myself to watch this documentary on Donald Rumsfeld’s mind I realized I was in ‘for a ride’ when it comes to being ‘face to face’ – in the cinema, with only some 10 other people in it –watching and hearing, getting to know more about an individual that has developed and affinity to justify wars, torture and overall abuse through his self-rewarding ability to redefine words and cunningly deceitful use of language – this means what he makes a word to mean, is what the word will mean and become, because he says so and so he thinks, therefore he is, and so he makes up his own excuses, reasons and justifications to make his actions and decisions seem right and be able to sleep well at night.

 

See, the confrontation for me begun when once again seeing and realizing how words can be used as double edge swords and how everything can be twisted according to how we define (read: limit, tergiversate, compromise, abuse and even harm) reality through words, and how such words become part of our reality through someone’s decision to change what it means to instigate war through generating doubt and the justification for such doubt.

When I first realized this situation in relation to words and how they essentially define our relationship toward everything in reality several years ago,  it was one of those shocking revelations in my life and I used it as an excuse to further my desire to step-away from ‘the evil man-made system’ and seeing words as human dictatorship. Well, this pattern was again experimented when seeing the absolute obsession and overall madness that Rumsfeld shares with us through this great documentary that Errol Morris managed to get Rumsfeld comply to do over 20 hours of recordings for it. I had too many questions as to how such a political figure had agreed to do this documentary and only through watching this interview I filled-in the gaps; I also realized how cunning Morris is to provide us with this ‘psychopathic’ view of a human mind obsessed with power and war and yet believe that everything is absolutely alright with it. I also suggest watching it:

 

 

Is it only Rumsfeld that is a ‘psychopath’?

Throughout the documentary I heard and read Rumsfeld’s memo-creations and how he would have this severe obsession to redefine words to suit his Machiavellian agenda, to make sure things would sound ‘good’ to him, to believe he was following a greater purpose where any form of actual abuse and plain evil simply did not exist to him, because to him he was following the right to defend his nation, to ‘do the right thing’ according to what he has defined ‘right’ and what he has defined ‘good’ to be. And this is where I could identify the massive cognitive dissonance that doesn’t only exist in Rumsfeld, and it’s certainly not only about ‘him’ as an individual only.

This documentary reveals the nature of what I’ve realized throughout these years is who we are and have become as human beings within our minds, a consciousness system that programs itself to define, shape, mold and forge a view of reality that in this case makes him feel ‘good’ about himself, without having any real consideration or I dare say ‘care’ about the effect of his words upon physical reality. When realizing this, I have to apply the golden rule of taking the point back to self and seeing myself also as a human being that also has a mind and that also has abused words and definitions to further my own interests, what I think and want to believe is right and righteous, without considering at all how my words, thoughts and deeds will affect others – and in Rumsfeld’s position as Secretary of Defense during the George W. Bush era, he became the decisive factor and voice that would call for wars that are till this day ongoing in one way or another. 

But, once again, is it really only ‘him’? Or is it the entire collective accepted and allowed disposition of such ‘power’ by only a few?A person in such position can only exist if the rest of the people accept and allow it. Therefore I realize that I have actually become part of the collective compliance to this discourse that justifies wars waged in the benefit of a few individuals, where trillions of dollars are spent on death and destruction, sucking dry any sort of solvency for a world-wide economy that is in shambles at the moment. And yes, even if I am ‘against war’ by becoming angry about what a few people can do in their position, I only further the problem by becoming ‘angry’ at them or the United States as a nation, since I have also come to realize how there is a greater-construct to this all where from the beginning of our time, we accepted this massive enslavement to our mind, to ‘the system’ as the reflection of our mind, one system that we are now beginning to wake up and realize how detrimental it is to life in general, and so blaming people like Rumsfeld for depicting the image and likeness of our current ‘human nature’ is rather pointless and without any solution to it.

 

At times throughout the documentary I wanted to scream and shout how this is absolute nonsense and how we have ‘psychopaths’ in our governmental spheres, but every single time as I was watching I would also bring myself back to see and consider the ‘bigger picture’ where it’s not about ‘him’ only, it’s about what each one of us has been and become as a mind system that cares about nothing else but our own self, our benefits, our desires, what we Think is right, what makes us special and in this case intelligent with the use of words. And that’s the trick, in his mind there is no consideration of the consequences, the actual suffering that people actually go through after he declares wars and ‘acceptable’ ways of torture, that’s because the position he was in became a nice money-secured bubble to evade reality and consequences, and such war crimes are justified as ‘defense’ mechanisms, which I also realized we live by at an individual level, where I can make any sort of excuse and justification to not have to take responsibility for my own thoughts, words and deeds.

 

And this is where I am able to also forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to react in any way with scorn, anger, frustration and plain disbelief when seeing how nonchalant this character was when speaking about how some things work and some others don’t work when being asked about war crimes, invasions and the supposed arsenal of chemical weapons of mass destruction he claimed Hussein’s regime had in order to wage war against Iraq. This is a man that – as any other political-figure within the current set-up of this system – has developed the skills to talk an entire nation into agreeing to go to war, believing that what he decides and does is somehow the right thing to do, because it Sounds good, it Feels good to him. He also likes to twist words around and say things like “The Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence” when being asked about the existence of WMD in Iraq, which can leave people pondering and thus complying to such possibilities just because it sounds like ‘he’s got a point’ – isn’t it? And so one falls for it as well. This documentary is an excellent way to see how propaganda is created and yes, it all begins with redefining words to our surprise.

 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to covertly use anger as a way to blame Rumsfeld for initiating the war on Iraq, without realizing it is actually blame for having accepted and allowed the continuation of this current world system where we only seek how to make the most money, to have the most power and in this realizing that in his position, I would have most likely done the exact same thing as it is about understanding his position, his context, his preprogrammed design as one of the ‘locks’ in the system to perpetuate wars and conflicts, using words to justify and excuse them because that is how I can make even the most atrocious act seem ‘right’ if backed with proper ideas, beliefs and justifications – I have a mind and so did he and everyone else, so it’s about learning how to self-forgive each other’s actions and instead focus on how to correct them and never again allow this to repeat again, I begin with taking responsibility for my own thoughts, words and deeds.

 

Philosophical egg

 

 

In Rumsfeld’s case, the words written and advised by him to the presidents of the United States throughout the years came to manifest the most atrocious wars and tortures that the US has conducted as part of their foreign policy of ‘defense’ – though,  he has not lived a war, he has not seen first hand the horrors that people in Abu Ghraib were forced to experience, he was not the one hung like Sadam, he was not witnessing what a detainee in Guantanamo bay goes through every day, he’s not the marines sent to kill and destroy Iraq, he was only suspecting what would sound right to do as the idea of being the Defense Secretary in the delusional ‘father of the world’ and ‘first power’ nation of the United States – a position we have all collectively accepted and allowed as well.

Can I blame him? or Should we blame him? Blame only leads to dissociating ourselves from the problem, to not see how it is that for another’s lies to become truth there must be everyone else that listens, reads and obeys the lies as facts, as truth and so blindly agreeing to it – and that’s what makes us all co-participants in any decision conducted by Rumsfeld or any other person in decision-making roles that reflect back our own ability to be directed and controlled because we haven’t been able to take such position for and by ourselves yet. Being a ‘psychopath’ implies a general term that can be applied to every single one of us, because the sheer fact of existing in the mind already makes us all criminals, liars, abusers, schizophrenic and self-interested human beings where we have imposed  an entire ‘regime’ with words upon reality, causing the problems that we are all facing nowadays due to not considering the consequences of our individual actions. The truth is uncomfortable, shocking, not nice and not pretty however it is necessary to stop seeing others as ‘the ones to blame’ and instead focus on recognizing my responsibility, our responsibility to this as a collective.

 

Rumsfeld’s obsession to always seeming to do ‘the right thing’ is what I have realized I tend to do when I use all sorts of justifications, excuses, reasons and beliefs as to why I want to continue doing or saying something that we already know is not so, it’s not beneficial for ourselves and everyone else, is self-interest based – but who cares?? If I say it is ‘right’ and it’s ‘good’ then it must be so because I believe so, I say so! A quixotic mind, a righteous mind, a conceited mind, a selfish mind… however who isn’t like that in this world? Who hasn’t ever lived within a constant experience that we are right and everyone else is wrong? when we believe that everything we do is for some kind of greater good without taking others into consideration…

One can only watch the Morris interview above and see how the one thing that Rumsfeld disagreed with the documentary after watching it and pointed it out as ‘a serious problem’ was…. his tie. That also exemplifies how it is that when we have forged our mind through believing our lies, and we become them, we can no longer spot the lie, the deceit within us, we can no longer see right from wrong, there’s no values or principles because all of that has been redefined to suit personal self interest and delusions of power. Again, sounds familiar isn’t it?

This is humanity’s grave disease, and so we’re really no different to Rumsfeld no matter how many might read this and say ‘WHAAT? NO WAY!!’ Well, again,  the truth is not pretty or beautiful, however it is the first step to then begin seeing ourselves in the mirror of Rumsfeld’s mind where I see I have tacitly accepted and allow all of atrocities when it comes to this world, our money system, our financial system bubble, our religions, our emotions and feelings, our thoughts, our illusions and imaginations in the mind as something meaningful and true, that which makes us ‘who we really are’….

I realize I am certainly no different to any other human being, even those that I deem as the most atrocious people, the ‘psychopaths’ can only lead me back to the marvelous golden rule: Take it all Back to Self – what does this imply? That everything that I say, think or believe about ‘others’ and ‘their mind’ is in fact revealing the truth of what exists within myself. I have no problem realizing this because it is only through realizing this that I’ve been able to then take aaalll reactions experienced throughout the documentary back to understanding that I cannot judge others because myself or anyone else would have probably done the exact same things Rumsfeld has done if we had been in his shoes, his preprogrammed position as part of the ‘gatekeepers’ of the system which in itself is a delusion that can only be ‘kept in place’ by collectively agreeing his position to be real, to be legitimized. Hence the importance of understanding cognitive dissonance and the use of words to keep our self-interest intact, to remain blinded by the meanings that we choose to give to words regardless of its effects in real life when lived out.

 

Casting-out the spells or Out-casting the spells

What I can learn from this documentary is how to prevent the level of personal delusion we all have the potential to live out in our lives. We all carry a mind filled with thoughts, beliefs, perceptions,  feelings and emotions along with the particular definitions we have attached to them, including images and memories as the decisive factors that determine ‘our nature,’ the ‘who we are’ as my personality, my choices, my preferences, my beliefs.  So, what I suggest doing after one watches or becomes aware of any atrocity ‘someone else’ has committed in this world, one can begin with being willing to be objective about who we are, what we have become, what we believe words mean and so begin a process of scrutinizing everything we’ve believed ourselves to be up to now as individuals and go measuring it all with the principle of common sense to see whether every thought, belief, idea/ideology, perception and experience is in fact something that is beneficial for oneself and others too. Maybe some might think: but what if you define common sense as something different to what you think it ‘should be’? and this is where we as human beings could redefine common sense as what is best for all, as that which will harm no one when lived out in physical reality. An ideology, a belief always has an interest behind it and that is already separation. An example is how the belief in requiring to ‘defend a nation from potential attacks’ leads to justifying war and war has become a profitable business. And that’s what Rumsfeld became an expert of convincing people to support.

If we take the principles of no harm, no abuse, doing onto others what we would like to be done onto ourselves then our ability to use words in our own common benefit can be conducted. However at the moment, the misuse, misinterpretation and deliberate abuse of words have led us to co-create this world where we’ve all suffered of massive cognitive dissonance when our minds, beliefs, ideas do not match physical reality and so,we further down the problem by adding more ideas, beliefs and perceptions to evade realizing the core and source of the problem which I’ve realized it’s always the consideration of taking responsibility for what I think, I do and say.

An example is how the word ‘democracy’ has become a mockery now, a ‘tag line’ for the United States of America to go and ‘promote freedom and democracy’ in any other country that isn’t following their preferred form of regime… and so what happens is that a word like democracy becomes an excuse for war, something that people then even say ‘they don’t ever want to hear again’ because of how it is being misused and misaligned to what it should really mean as the power of the people for the people. We haven’t lived that word yet at all. And that’s the point of sharing this all.

 

So in order to establish some common sense in what I think, believe and perceive is correct, I require to begin understanding more about my own mind, why we have all blindly accepted every single thought we’ve believed ‘we are’ as ‘true’ and ‘real’ –  why we have accepted a world system where we kill life in the name of an equally fairy-tale bubble-thinking creation called ‘money’ and ‘power’ which we’ve made as very real the moment that we denied food to someone if they don’t have a printed paper with a number in it… or how wars are waged in the name of making people believe there are ‘enemies’ wanting to harm others and so through spreading a lie. The greatest atrocities are committed in the world with public consent, because we collectively believe it is right. And also everyone that might consider themselves as ‘knowing better’ than following the political rule of thumb…  the sheer fact that each one of us possesses a mind and fails to propose sound solutions to terminate this mass hypnosis and programming we’re running ourselves by already makes us equally enslaved, mostly because we’ve still believed that by knowing ‘the truth’ already makes us ‘free’ – but reality works in a different manner where it is about realizing that freedom and democracy won’t come by waging wars nor by understanding the fallacy those words have become – but instead by implementing, building, creating an actual way in which to implement these changes in each one of us to then create them as our responsibility to this world and reality.

 

The title of the documentary is one of those riddle-like phrases that Rumsfeld uses to confuse and divert the attention from any form of truth, it becomes a philosophical mind game that blinds then the physicality of the consequences created by such word-abuse. And yes, I’ve seen how we all participate in this one way or another because I get results, because ‘it works’ and because ‘I get away with murder.’ Even the slightest belief, idea and perception is already using the same mind mechanisms that any other ‘mass murderer’ uses, and as such I can only begin humbling myself  in relation to what we have collectively accepted and allowed within our minds and how we’ve imposed it onto reality, and how it is through realizing this that we now also have the great and imperative task of taking responsibility for the lies, the cognitive dissonance, the belief systems, the misused words and redirect every one of them to become a true example of what it means to Live a word in the consideration of what is best for all.

 

Whenever I see myself judging, blaming, creating anger and stress out just by seeing/watching and witnessing what kind of lies and atrocities another being can express and conduct in a nonchalant way, I stop myself from pointing fingers at another and I breathe. I realize that I am only angry at myself, at the realization of who I am and have become as an equal part of humanity, a human being that has perpetuated the lie by existing as a mind wherein I believed that I was always ‘right’ and I could always justify all means to get to my ends, to not entirely care about the consequences of my wishes, desires, wants, needs and beliefs because I also have become an equal part of the game where I have lied to myself and deceived myself in order to maintain this world-system in place as is. Therefore, I realize that I am no different to the person I am judging and blaming or tagging as ‘schizophrenic’ and ‘pathological liar’ because this world-system we’ve built has been built upon lies, concepts, beliefs, ideologies that in no way make a direct reference to how physical reality should work.

This is how I commit myself to remain in stability and consideration, humbleness whenever I take a dive into another human being’s mind and instead of immediately judging them for all the ‘wrong things’ they’ve done, I can focus on considering the ‘greater picture’ of how I have participated in the same patterns and how it is thus now that I see, I understand and realize the truth and reality of what each one of us have done onto ourselves and one another in this world – from the micro to the macro – and the consequences imposed onto every living being in this reality through the dictatorship of our mind. And within this realizing that the only way to stop the reaction is to apply self forgiveness as the one thing left to do in this world where we see how far we’ve gone with our intellectual abuse of reality.

I commit myself to redefine words that I can ensure are able to be lived and be beneficial, supportive and constructive for myself and every other living being as well. This implies that I commit myself to no longer perpetuate the lie I’ve become as the mind, the egos of the mind, the self interest drive to obtain what I want regardless of considering ‘who’ and ‘what’ gets affected by achieving such selfish aim.

 

 

After I watched the documentary I wondered why not so many people were in the movie theater, and how we’ve been also brainwashed to believe that politics or seeing these people ‘talk nonsense’ is ‘boring,’ whereas I found it profoundly important to watch a vivid mirror of the deception we’ve all built and imposed around every corner in this world.

I fully recommend this documentary to anyone that can watch it, and this is how I share this reflection about it as a form of take another perspective at it, so that we can stop blaming, pointing fingers or developing further hatred toward certain political figures or people with ‘power,’ where we can first begin understanding what such ‘power’ in fact has been and how we can collectively debunk the lies and through doing that, create a more common sensical, self-responsible, integral and educated democratic society where our ability to redefine words and live them becomes the power to change how we live and interact in our every day living.

It’s time we break free form our mindful self-indulgence and realize that it will take great effort, discipline and consistency in order to give ourselves direction in our mind, to self-correct every lie and deception acquired by default, by virtue of coexisting in this same planet Earth.

 

DSC01874

 

Articles:

Errol Morris on Rumsfeld, the truth and “The Unknown Known”

 

To learn more about the mind and how to begin self-forgiving our current human nature, investigate:


330. Consumer Rehab in Equal Money Capitalism

 

Continuing from:

307. CapitalismUS: Pursuit of Happiness

308. Might Makes Right: CapitalismUS

 

 

 

Problem                                                                 

 

The alienation of the spectator to the profit of the contemplated object (which is the result of his own unconscious activity) is expressed in the following way: the more he contemplates the less he lives; the more he accepts recognizing himself in the dominant images of need, the less he understands his own existence and his own desires. The externality of the spectacle in relation to the active man appears in the fact that his own gestures are no longer his but those of another who represents them to him. This is why the spectator feels at home nowhere, because the spectacle is everywhere.  – Guy Debord, The Society of the Spectacle [1]

 

Soft Imperialism by Culture and MediaContinuation

  • Creating needs in people, tell them consuming is  ‘what life is all about’ and you get a certain market that will live a devoted life to praise consumption and reduce life to a series of experiences that end the moment a new trend comes out, a new experience to buy, a new gadget to wear and upgrade one’s image of  success worn as clothes, accessories, shoes, cars, pictures of being having the ‘great life’ – but, deep inside there is a strong sense of alienation that is  difficult to look from ‘outside’ because it is virtually everywhere as part of ‘who we are’ and the identities we become, which are the byproduct of the same profitable society that breeds consumers, not living beings.

 

  • Trading our goods and services has nothing o do with the cult of the image that we have built around consumerism, it is necessary to realize that our lives cannot be determined by the amount of experiences we have, how many ‘valuable objects’ we own, because these are all the values that keep the same system running, wherein our needs and desires are shaped in the image and likeness of celebrities that we seek to mimic and adopt as our own identity. That’s the configuration of our society and that’s why Debord emphasizes that we feel ‘at home’ nowhere, because the spectacle is everywhere, and everyone buys into it.

 

The spectacle within society corresponds to a concrete manufacture of alienation. Economic expansion is mainly the expansion of this specific industrial production. What grows with the economy in motion for itself can only be the very alienation which was at its origin. (Debord, 1967)

 

  • What we grow every time we buy is our self-image built around the cult of what we own, how we look, what we choose as our ‘lifestyle.’ This alienation is not only existent toward that which we buy, having no idea how it is produced and where it will end once we’re ‘done’ with it – we get alienated from the very physical reality that we are as our physical body. We’ve made of our flesh and bones an Image that we seek to Adapt according to the images on billboards, creating eating disorders and self image obsessions that occupy a being’s entire life where even if food is not consumed, the image seeking pretty much consumes the being alive, making of an internal conflict a time-consuming entity that leads us to be absolutely unaware of reality, but only exist in the glorious self interest of me-my-image-and-myself.

 

  • The consumer culture is the greatest form of degradation that we have faced as  humanity, because it stopped being a momentary form of distraction a few hours a day or a momentary treat after a hard day of work, it’s become who we are and how we behave and  have shaped our values, beliefs, morals, relationships according to these  Images that are upgraded every season. This means that: you have to buy NEW things every time to be ‘up-to-date’ in a society that believes it is important to  have a fresh look and  identity according to mass-media trends and ensure you are ‘upgraded’ and follow what your social tribe of preference dictates to buy every other season – this has become ‘mandatory’ if you don’t want to face marginalization for not being ‘cool enough’ to have enough money to Buy new things on a constant basis. 

 

  • Children are taught to seek love, money and superhero traits – teenagers learn to be disillusioned about  a world that has nothing to do with the fantasy presented in movies and videogames, new heroes representing the ideal lifestyles of perfectly tailored models that become ‘the voice of a generation’ emerge as depressive-and-on-meds type of figures that values more spending time feeling a constant need for ‘something’ and seeking it surfing in the net, consuming drugs, buying, drinking, gossiping, playing with gadgets rather than enjoying physical interaction with each other to learn how to live in the first place.
  • What’s the common denominator here? People seek experiences generated in the idleness of our sedentary lives that require constant updates of personal computers, phones, more and bigger flat screen TVS that constantly imprint the images we want to become. But, who has decided to present this to us? It is only in the benefit of those that sell the products that we get to ‘choose’ what we desire. Entertainment would not be an industry if the prefab images shown on TV weren’t available for sale.

 

  • We can see the pattern already: the main problem is our constant desire to Experience –  the world revolves around this. There would be no point to buy, consume, visit places and eat up stories to make us feel good.  We have diminished ourselves to a collection of experiences, memories, people that we believe are important to us for what they make us feel. Who benefits from this? Everyone that is able to create the perfect setting, the perfect stage for such ‘insta-moments,’ the perfect drug-drink to consume, the greatest clothes to wear, the greatest cars to show off, the most benefits that only a few can afford – which makes it even More special and exclusive.
  • We live to praise our self-images that determine how valuable we are at the eyes of everyone else – is it? Or have we just become an illusion to such an extent that we cannot even get to question how we got ourselves into this insatiable state of consumption, leading us to a life of constant energy fixed desires, becoming drug addicts, sex  addicts, TV junkies, celebrity gossipers, government bashers, economy illiterates, freedoms seekers and god seekers, getting high and jumping off balconies to challenge ‘the system’ and make a general anthem of ‘Ignorance is Bliss’ as the road to walk for the next generations to come. 

    How long can we keep this show running?  We have reached the bottom of our downward spiral – how much more repetition can we take?

 

  • Let’s look at our thoughts, see how many of them relate to an experience about who we are, how others see us, what we want to buy next, where we want to be? Were we the creators of these seemingly unstoppable desires? are we the result of the perfect feel good enslavement that is sold to us every time we want to Feel something new? Yes, it is – and we have all fell for it –doesn’t matter ‘who’ you are,  individualization has been made the most important thing that we hold, beyond any common sense of being breathing physical beings.

 

  • The truth is we have never really been ‘ourselves’ because we have only existed as mind systems seeking for energetic experiences that are bottled up, tagged and sold because we desire, hope and need it. We have sold our physical body to the devil, which is the system that we all feed with our desires, the greatest treats that justify a life of slavery, poverty and abuse for a majority,  because we all work to get these bits of heaven in order to numb ourselves from our reality that we ended up victimizing ourselves from, believing that the corporate monster is to blame, instead of looking at the very thinking processes that fuel this entire machinery that is seemingly as unstoppable as our own mind – here I state: it is Only a Belief that it can’t be stopped – We  have to take ourselves to the origin of our thoughts to prove such belief is simply an expensive  delusion.

 

Solution                                                                

The Spectacle Meets Rehab

 

  • Considering practicality/money and necessity over experience, looking if what we want to buy in fact only feeds our ‘self image,’ pursuing the experience of owning something, or who one will be when compared to others that don’t have what we do, and instead look at the facts if one in fact Need what we are about to buy, or if I one is subconsciously buying an character-accessory to store within this personal vault of memories and experiences that we define as ‘who I am.’

    This is a key experiment that I dare everyone reading this to do, and if you are Self Honest which means you don’t ‘fall’ for your desires, you should see a considerable amount of money remaining in your bank account/pocket/ under your mattress, because you will be able to stop yourself and realize that what you are buying is only an Illusion, that it will be a flickering moment just like a match that burns bright and consumes itself to ashes, requiring us to flick another to brighten the same darkness that we have avoided to become: physical stable living beings that do not require an Experience to be alive – think about this this, will generate a Great change in our consumer culture if we integrate this understanding in our day to day living behavior, which will include getting to know How our products are created, where they end up after they are no longer used and the consequential outflows of producing and distributing such products to satisfy our desires, then decide what we can keep and dispose all that only feeds greed.

  • Solutions for isolation with our current gadgetry lifestyles. There is nothing wrong with the techno-advances that we have, but a few considerations are shared here:  once that we realize that we are not images, we’ll spent less time cultivating our fascinations to further specialize the ‘who we are’ as this character/self image toward others, we’ll spend that time developing a relationship with ourselves, to get to know that Self that has only existed as the byproduct of our society, of our parents and the media that filled the ‘void’ in our lives.

    Here we can make it fun to – upon recognizing this prefab/ pre-packaged condition we all kept as ourselves– realize that we can in fact for the very first time in our human existence Decide who we want to be, integrate Values that consider our Equality as Life, living to become a contributor to a social transformation that will remove our spectacle attires, stripping ourselves  to see what remains once that we stop feeding our consumer driven and personality-cult obsessions. A group effort is required for this,each one of us will stand as an example of what it will take to stop being addicted to the mind and learn to appreciate the physical that is what has always been here, that we’ll  learn to trade as a living meaning of giving and receiving in Equality – no more greed for superiority and mind-driven personality fixes.

 

Rewards                                                   

  • Opening up our eyes from the illusion will mean a transformation in our entertainment and ‘variety production’ in this world. Imagine the amount of ‘special items’ dedicated to the cult of self that could be significantly reduced when people stop buying experiences and instead, learn how to invest on supportive items, genuinely enjoyable treats and re-learn how to communicate, share and essentially enjoy each other’s presence beyond the constant up keeping of a Character that we sold to others, in fear of being vulnerable about our real experiences, our questions, our thoughts and fears – we’ll be able to heal a drugged up, shopaholic and self abusive society with the ability to share our ‘Consumer Anonyms’ stories, as well as forgiving our constant competitions and fights over our pet peeves, that have also became necessary religions to idealize the perfect ‘originality’ that everyone sought to attain in our so-called lives.

 

  • We can make the crash and the fall of our mental high, the landing on Earth after the illusion of grandeur a humble experience to learn from each other, to forgive ourselves for having turned this Earth into a massive grave of products chocking animals on Earth an in the sea, bits of junk that once caused us a form of joy, never questioning if we actually needed that or not.

 

  • Consumerism as a disease will be treated at an individual level with the understanding that we have all complied to turn beings into slaves and nature, the animals, plants as assets that became accessories to our ideal prefab characters we sought to be and become. It is the least thing we can do after we have succumbed to a never quenching mind thirst for more, while forgetting that we are, beyond all, physical living beings that Live  and Breathe regardless of what we believe and experience at a mind level. Desire for more, Greed  is the real evil that we have to disintegrate from our core-programming, and we have the support here: Desteni  I Process.

 

 

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

 

 
Freedom is not Free Stuff that Stuffs up the World - Matti Freeman - Equal Money Capitalism

Artwork by Matti Freeman

Sources:

[1]Debord, G. (1967). The society of the spectacle. Retrieved from http://library.nothingness.org/articles/SI/en/display/16

 

Vlogs:

Blogs

 

Suggested material:

 

Here Here:

This is DESTENI – the Culture of Life


271. Sacred Art: the Key to Understanding Reality

 

When I studied visual arts, one goes through the art history and sees how Art had gotten to a point of ‘divine activity’ at the time when the church essentially became this powerful entity within society that could afford to pay for all the works that all our ‘great artists’ have created and as such artists became equally important along with the meaning/ purpose of such creations, which in this case as we can all see and witness, had to do with sacred art: venerating gods that never existed but in the minds of the human beings that realized they could make profit out of such belief systems.

 

“Interestingly enough, where these ‘Love and Lighters’ should have Transcended this Message and Brought-about Practical Changes in the Physical Reality – they Create an Alternate Reality, and start to Claim and Impose that the Alternate Reality is the ‘Real Reality’, and that the Real Reality is the Illusion. And then End-up Escaping from this Constant-Message, making ‘The Best of What is Here’ and bringing about No Change in spite of Astounding Evidence to the Effect that the Physical World is Real like for instance, Pain, Starvation, Sex, Food, Waste – you name it, there’s So Many Examples that Each One is Subject to that Proves that the Physical is Real and that the Mind Illusion through which One Escape from this Reality, is Not.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

I went to some museums yesterday with a family member that had no access to such ‘exuberant expressions’ of the baroque colonial art that exists in the city I was born in, even though he lives in the same country. To me, these expressions were the ‘default’ type of stuff to look at in the streets where you can this type of architecture everywhere downtown, along with these exuberant churches everywhere completely filled with gold inside and the most majestic type of constructions and sacred art that is revered by all people coming from all over the world to witness what type of ‘greatness’ and ‘beauty’ this is supposed to mean/be.

 

As I was going through these collections of ‘sacred art,’ I realized to what extent this was all a proof of how we have never praised an actual godliness as an actual consideration of LIFE in Equality, but only have revered and deified the sense of value/worth that we have adjudicated to things that are part of this Earth just as anything else – like gold and gods or gold as god- we have all of these objects with gold and we’re all supposed to be impressed by that just because ‘It’s made of gold. I mean, look back within your life-experience when was it that you learned to treat gold as if it was this ‘precious thing’? And as such from that moment on, we learned that having gold in ourselves as jewelry, artifacts, coins or as part of your ‘wealth’ was something that gave you a ‘moreness’ within your personal wealth/money and ‘ownership right’ that gives you a certain status in society – or you maybe were not aware of this all and had no sense of wealth because gold was never around and only found out about it later on in the money-system.

 

Now, link this gold with representations of Jesus/ Saints/ Crosses and all things that have been prostituted to be sold as part of ‘sacred art’ and what do you get? The most ‘exquisite’ and ‘valuable’ items in the art world – why? Have a look at  your great museums, it is only from a century and a half ago that art stopped being linked to a religious association to become more of a supposed ‘self expression,’ and even that has currently once again been diminished to the ‘market forces’ – our other god which is Money -that are also currently determining what type of Art we can consider as ‘masterpieces’ which is usually a meaning of what’s worth buying/selling and what’s not.

 

Well, as I watched these bleeding Jesus’ representations wearing crowns of gold I could not help but laugh at the blatant abuse and stupidity that we have come to cage in these glass containers as ‘sacred objects’ and museum-type of items to admire. Sure, it’s got a whole lot of work in it, but let’s face it: they got to such museum-relic type of status because of:

1. The value we have all agreed to give to gold as this supreme metal godly power = money

2. The representation of Jesus on the Cross/ Jesus Bleeding/ Self-Flagellating Monks and Saints/ Crying Virgins in repent-mode as something ‘sacred’ and ‘godly’ while elevating such ‘sinning’ expressions to something ‘cool’ to have around your “living room” in the 18th century.

 

What a nice way to elevate god/religion to this ‘godly status’ by linking gold/silver to sacred objects, isn’t it?

Now, we can apply the same two points above to virtually everything that we are currently buying/selling in our world. There is always the ‘meaning’ that we give to things – which deals with how we have defined things in our reality, how we value them, how we define ourselves according to that which we buy/ consume/ own and then there’s the ‘market value’ which is the price/money that one has to give in order to buy such thing and trivializing it all according to belief systems, to perceptions and ideals of what we ‘think’ and have become so used to valuing as ‘superior’ or ‘more’ than ourselves, such as the idea of a god in this case and some expression that is shaped/molded to suit the needs of some people to have these objects to satisfy a particular reality-construct of ‘superiority,’ such as what god/religion has become. And in the city where I lived in all my life, that is the ‘platform’ upon which you walk in every moment in the old-side of the city– it is the ‘city of angels’ and just by looking at the art created from the 18th century up to the past century, you can get quite a clear perspective of what has Shaped and Molded the people here, which is a religion wherein the imposition of symbols that denote suffering, that one has created a relationship of ‘guilt’ toward and ‘remorse’ have been ‘spiffed up’ to be made by slaves that dealt with ways to shape gold, silver, ivory, ‘precious metals’ and woods and stones to elevate Christianity/Catholicism to a capitalist-golden status upon this world-system.

 

So, in looking at this type of ‘sacred art’ one can see a very interesting configuration of what we have come to value: a bleeding ivory representation of some human carrying an ebony cross with incrustations of jade, ‘beautifully’ shaped  – all these paintings of saints with suffering faces, all these representations of Jesus wearing golden robes and gold-crowns ‘in heaven’ I mean, really? Do You think that Jesus had anything to do with implementing this narcissistic self-marketing image of himself with such vain attributions to a single metal like ‘gold’ signifying the ‘godly’ in him? No, in the first place he didn’t ever even want to be summoned as some type of higher force on Earth, everyone got it wrong, and all of this museum-type of artworks are the result of slaves that are only recognized as ‘anonymous’ in the creation of such ‘sacred works for the lord,’ a lord that only exists in the well-kept treasury of what has become one of the most wealthiest states on earth as the Vatican. Really, I have become so used to seeing people that can have an empty stomach and shoe-less entering these opulent baroque filled with gold rock constructions to pray for them to have some money to eat… what’s wrong with this picture!? And this is seen as ‘Devotion’?  Come on, give me a freaking break.

 

Expression of any form/kind must be an actual representation of who we are as living beings, which implies that no more gods/deities will be shaped with matters of the Earth that we are abusing to create this ‘pile of shit’ as our current world of ‘marvels’ while kids starve. Instead we will always use what is here in order to enjoy ourselves within the process of creating something that we can appreciate as an extension/expression of someone’s moment/time in their lives, and I mean, if there is something I appreciate in my reality is exchanging works of art for no money but the sheer appreciation we have for each other’s works – that’s what actually should matter: making of expression an available activity for all beings equally as we are all human beings, we can all develop skills that can be shared with others, just the same way that we share our words here or in videos or communicating with each other – we do not ‘sell’ our coffee-shop talks wherein we share with one another ourselves, so why have we created this world in a way wherein we have elevated what is of this Earth to a godly/golden status for profit? That’s because of Self-Interest and the belief that we could be gods/more than others through our money and ownership power –

 

All of this will all be regulated and implemented in the Equal Money Capitalism in order to Finally place a nice Stop to all of our godly delusions and instead, learn how to Live/Coexist and really Thrive within the realization that there is no such thing as god, there is no such thing as ‘higher powers’ endowed to a metal like gold or any other holy-belief endowed to human expression, it is ourselves, our work, our creativity that which should be regarded as honorable and the real capital in this reality, just as Joseph Beuys said: “Art = Capital, Creativity = Capital”  and Capital = Life as we say – full circle.

 

Further Support:

 

There are more threads to this type of ‘sacred art’ and I’ll continue talking about that

Vlog:

Blogs:

 

To understand to what level we have prostituted Jesus and his message:


257. A Piece of Heaven at the Expense of Life

Why do people turn to drugs? There is a definitive reason that cause all the dimensions that play a role  in our current Drug Culture as either cause/effect,  but a common thing is definitely the root and cause of WHY people turn to drugs. We all know the usual things, for example: to escape from oneself, to hide, to run away from the mind, to stop the abhorrent self-experience, to avoid taking responsibility for one’s life and relationships, self-loathing, etc. – but, have we asked why do we have these problems? One can say: family problems, relationship problems, issues with one’s ‘flawed self,’ physical issues, lack of self esteem, heritage, cultural trends, traditions, religions, survivalism in clans/ mafias/ brotherhoods, spiritual beliefs, shamanism, environmental contingencies, availability of narcotics due to associations/ alliances, legal drugs due to psychological conditions, and the list may go on – However, behind all of this one must see one common thing: human conditions that have lead to all of these problems/ issues/ separations and sectarianism that stems from a basic problem in our society: a lack of support for all living beings to have a dignified living that creates a proper environmental condition where All beings would be able to live without having to worry about not making it through the next day, not having to tolerate the injustice and abuse that is accepted and allowed within a system that only caters for some– that’s it. 

 

And that’s what we know in common sense and what can also be watched in all the various documentaries* about drugs that are affecting our societies wherein there is simply an absolute boredom, menial jobs for the working class – or no job opportunities at all – and a general dissociation from wanting to have anything to do with a ‘shitty world/ shitty system that doesn’t give a fuck about life!’ hence turning to have an alternate reality where ‘everything is fine, a heaven in one’s mind for a moment, a harmful  momentary high that turns into a lethal habit that leads to a living condition that is mostly deplorable in most of the cases, as well as leading to any other ‘sudden deaths’ out of the usual ODs and other negligence  that stems from lacking any form of precaution when ingesting/ inhaling/injecting/smoking a drug. It is even common to have people that do this on a regular basis become ‘icons’ in our society, our ‘role models’ which can already point out what type of ‘human quality’ we’ve become fanatics of.

 

It is also interesting how drug-culture became mainstream to a point now wherein one can watch a “music video” and there’s people smoking weed, one can watch a movie and get all the specifics on how people shoot themselves heroin and even all the withdrawal processes in a explicit manner, like in Trainspotting which is probably one of the most popular and obliged reference about drugs for many people that even learned how to do drugs through watching the movie.  I will tell more about that in following posts.

 

The reason why this is an important topic is because drugs as any other form of escapism, represents the aspect we hold on to the most, as it is a self-created intricate relationship we form with only Experience as an Energetic physical experience induced by chemicals in the physical body – the reason why I find it so important to expose is because it’s ubiquitous nowadays for people to be aware of all types of drugs and ways to get high or even self-harm to get a moment of absolute adrenaline –rush/drug of the mind . That’s becoming a children’s game  and I’m referring to what I became aware of today as the salt and ice challenge – I mean, this is how kids age 10 or even less can get used to having a way to get this absolute pain and fear that are the most ‘powerful’ self-experiences created at a mind level when inducing pain along with the ‘challenge’ aspect – where kids will mostly broadcast themselves doing so to ‘prove’ to others they are able to ‘handle it,’ and what mostly happens is kids then will turn to seek for more ‘intense experiences’ like that. Even our words and vocabulary is pointing out blatantly what it is that we are inducing within ourselves: that was Intense! all energy based, and if you’ve been reading these series, you would be aware by now of how energy operates within the physical body through consciousness as a system that we believe is ‘who we really are,’ which is comprised of all our thoughts, emotions and feelings that we whole-heartedly have believed is ‘what living is for’ and if not.

 

This Grave mistake of identifying ourselves with all the drama, excitement and high-intensity of any self-experience is what is mostly leading us to an actual death wherein we disregard actual life/living just for a ‘little piece of heaven.’

And this is what’s leading humanity to a certain end if a single pattern of addiction continues without any definitive decision to STOP.

 

Please read the series to catch up to this point:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

I had made a pause in these series due to the impending ‘doomsday’ that I decided to write about due to my inherent responsibility in having participated pretty much in that type of doom-mentality or gloomy-self-experience as we’ve called it – and what is left is pretty much ourselves, having to face what we have become and as such, take the wheel of our reality in all levels, in all ways and have a look at how we’ve become what we’ve become, which is also another form of escapism through the mind to evade the responsibility we all have here.

 

Drug Culture is quite a common topic virtually everywhere in the world, no matter if it’s a high-energy-hyped society like many places in Europe and America or a third world/ poor country in Africa, or under developed regions like South America – everyone’s got the same ‘epidemic’ which is drugs which includes alcoholism as main problems that maim  the ability for any being to realize and take self responsibility, because drugs imply one single point: a giving up experience that is now turned into an addiction, a need, a fascination and obsession wherein people are literally willing to give all their money, all their life just for one single initial ‘rush’ that any drug can give them. While observing this, it is impossible to not create a parallel to what we understand now of how the mind works, wherein we create our own fixations in order to fuel and satisfy this idea of ourselves that we’ve simply copied, absorbed and ‘become/ embodied’ without a question, and that includes addictive patterns of seeking this ‘greatness’ as an energetic experience that is able to be obtained with drugs, pretty much flushing your entire life down the toilette for a single self belief of you being ‘perfectly fine/ in control / able to quit any time and all of the people that have been severely enrolled in hardcore addictions mostly find it very hard if not impossible to actually live out that belief of being able to stop and quit at any time.

 

That is One single dimension of the addiction: the energetic experience that we are familiar with the moment we accept emotions and feelings as ‘who we are’ and what drugs do is an overall enhancement of this relationship within the ‘who we are’ as the mind, which implies that we are completely hooked on absolute self abuse, since any energetic experience  – as anything that requires energy – is not ‘for free,’ it is an actual process of consumption of the very physical tissue/ fabric that provides the necessary resources for any drug to function properly – this is why the deterioration of the physical takes place in drug addicts/ consumers – among other various dimensions that involve the living conditions that hard-core long-time addicts end up living in or are born in, which is also another aspect that leads to drugs – all in all: stems from lacking actual living support in all ways to live in a sound and healthy environment where life could be actually honored = hence it is a matter of Collective Responsibility, since we are all responsible for continuing fueling a system that is not providing a sound environment for us to develop our expression to our utmost potential.

 

The purpose of these blogs will be to point out main factors that lead to drug consumption, the reasons behind that and how to support oneself to Prevent drug-addictions, referencing the usual ways in which one picks up this belief of drugs being the ‘greatest thing ever’ as well as gathering enough strength to realize there IS a solution to this world, there IS a way to support ourselves to stop seeking to ESCape from reality and instead, sober up and stand up to support the actual change we all dreamed of, it’s in our hands, so we must clean our act before we can establish ourselves in the actual world we have all wanted to live in, and within this, also paving the way for the children to come and ensure they do have the absolute opportunities  to Live and express themselves, and never again resort to any form of escapism through the mind to manifest a self-abusive ‘heaven’ in the mind.

 

Erroneously – those that Profess to be ‘Souls’, will Claim that the Body of Flesh is a temporary Illusion. And they would base it on the Experience they Generate through Mind Systems, which Follows the Design of the System where: the Search for Meaning and Reason, would Follow through the Combination of Predesigned Platonic Solids as Key Parts to Systems that produce Energy and Visual Input which the Person Align with, So Intensely that they Believe that it is Real, and they Disregard the Simple Reality of a Breath and Food and Bodily Functions that Keeps them Alive.
In this, these ‘Souls’ End-up Acting like Vampires in the Physical Reality, Seeking to Consume everything in their Path for the Self-Interest of the ‘Feeling’ that Produce, according to them, the ‘Experience of Happiness’. The fact that this ‘Happiness’ is Produced at the Cost of the Suffering of Uncountable Living Beings – Simply is Ignored or Seen as ‘Collateral Damage’ of an Illusion that will ‘Suddenly, Magically’ Disappear.”  – Bernard Poolman +

 

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251. Does Hope Solve the Matters of the World?

“There is hope after despair and many suns after darkness” – Rumi

We tend to hope and wait for something to miraculously fix that which we accepted and allowed to happen in the first place.

Statements like Rumi’s are empty words that mean nothing/hold nothing of substance, yet create the most ‘impact’ when it comes to our feeble self interest that exists as the aspect that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as, which is the mind as consciousness.

We were looking at yesterday how we have defied the natural laws of the physical reality  by creating obnoxious hierarchical schemes that a series of bubbles would never follow through with, as any arrangement that represents a point of abuse cannot simply be sustained at a physical level.

bubble efficiency

 

  • Does HOPE exist or is it necessary as a ‘force’ to create this perfect physical demonstration of the inherent properties in which matter arranges itself when having to coexist with equals and working as One unit?
  • Is Love required in order for these bubbles to learn how to arrange themselves in the most perfect way of coexistence that does not even require an actual push by the creator of the bubbles for the matter to arrange themselves in a clear equal disposition in reality ?
  • Is Peace required for them to agree to coexist within the most stable form wherein all bubbles share an equal amount of space from the first bubble upon which the unit is being built upon?

 

The answer to all of the above is: No, and this is one single and plain demonstration of how no one had to speak any form of airy-fairy words to create such perfect arrangement of matter in front of our eyes. There is no Resistance stemming from the bubbles to do this – is this a godly force at hand then?*

What has happened with us human beings and words is that we have used them as energy, as consciousness instead of using words as a physical livable consideration of the best way in which we can in fact live as. This means that what we have become is the result of having neglected physical reality and followed only energy as either positive or negative experiences that in no way have a direct correlation to physical reality, but we have instead imposed such experiences onto the physical laws as a violation to this physical natural disposition, creating our current chaos/ inequality/ abuse and suffering just because of having ignored that principles we should all inherently direct ourselves as.

 

What does this mean?

 

The moment one react to statements like “There is hope after despair and many suns after darkness” can only indicate that: You are existing only as a programmed mind to react with a self-defined positive experience to words that indicate ‘you have nothing to do, you just have to remain in your state of inertia’ wherein a future projection/ Imagination process must take place for you to envision this marvelous outcome after the ‘darkness’ which is what we are currently existing as according to this statement, which is precisely in reverse, I’d say. We are in the era of absolute enlightenment as the ultimate demonstration of ego in its full splendor that uses words like Hope, Love, Peace and Light, Faith, Bliss as a way to Ignore the physical laws that we have violated in the first place, leading us to what Rumi and many other light and love spiritual people consider ‘darkness’ as the ‘bad and the negative.’

 

Test that for yourself – make some bubbles as it is explained within the section of The Code episode of The sphere, bubbles and how nature’s economic laws function – now, speak to the bubbles the word HOPE and see if their arrangement changes to maybe some other marvelous arrangement of sorts, you can also try voicing love, light, peace, joy, happiness, bliss, light, whatever you consider might be ‘supportive’ for these bubbles to coexist. You can do the opposite then, speak darkness, bad, evil, madness, violence, guilt, remorse, shame and see if the bubbles change their arrangement.

What will happen most likely is that they wont’ change no matter how much good positive vibrations/ words you speak to them, their physical stability is not affected by human consciousness.

 

Now, if you do the same experiment with a human being, most likely the person will react to all such words in both a negative and a positive experience – their body will most certainly remain functioning, breathing, stable as a physical unit, but who they are as the mind might go into an array of energetic experiences that they might even follow through with further imaginations, pictures, judgments, reactions, internal conversations, fears and a plethora of mind-experiences that will eventually create an effect upon the physical body. And so, it would be very clear how we are the only ones that create an instability through our words accepted and allowed to exist only as Energy and participate in such experiences while disregarding the physicality, the constancy and consistency of breath as that certainty of who we really are.  It should be very clear with this how we are our own disease and we are our own cure.

 

The question is, why would we need ‘hope’ for things to get better if we can instead work on ourselves individually to understand which words are in fact livable, which words can be definitely actions that can be physically lived as humanity to be able to coexist in such a perfect arrangement like the bubbles above? The answer is: there is no need for hope, we have just created these words to protect self interest, because the reality is that we have not willed ourselves to coexist in such equality-arrangement as bubbles and acting as one single unit composed of various individualized expressions, all sharing equal parts of the main foundation which is the bubble in the center. This thus implies that we don’t really require hope or imagination or reactions of emotions and feelings to create a solution in this world and that the only obstacle is our own ego/ self interest/ desire to have ‘more’ of space while neglecting that such decisions lead to unbearable consequences, which is what we are living now in our world.

 

The solution is being shown by the bubbles themselves which are the same laws that nature in itself is also functioning as. The only external factor that has caused consequence is the human being of course, and not even who we are as physical beings as our physical bodies function within similar processes as any organic entity in this world – thus, it is only who we are as consciousness, as the energy system that has taken the wheel of our beingness in order to exist as the ultimate self interest experience wherein we have certainly Not ever questioned why it is that we have accepted some to have it all and some to have none and as such, create the most heinous imbalance in reality that has existed from the very beginning of our existence, we have just come to the pinnacle of it again and as such, we’re also existing in the most important times we’ll ever face in our current reality: the absolute possibility of Self-Correction and Self-Responsibility in order to align ourselves to a Best for All Outcome.

 

We are presenting the Equal Money System which is exemplified perfectly by the natural arrangement of the bubbles above. Each individual sharing, coexisting as equals with equal support and opportunity to live in the most optimal condition while coexisting in one single unit as a whole.

Many say nature is wise, but it is even wiser to actually learn from the physical laws that are existing as the arrangement that enables the sustainability and trust that we can have on the constancy and consistency that this physical reality represents, and actually implement it as the laws and regulations we can found our lives upon on Earth – who we are as the mind varies from second to second, from word to word spoken to another human being as the example I placed above – how could such flimsy self-experience could be the reality of ourselves? How could we be trust worthy with life if we dare to abuse the physical in the name of an energetic positive or negative experience? We simply can’t.

 

The Equality System also represents a physical preventive set of regulations that will ensure no need for hope or faith is ever looked for again within humans, it is quite obvious that such words stem after the ‘boat has sunk’ and as such, represent an illusory correction to a problem that could have been prevented in the first place. There is absolutely no point in indulging in words that represent a nothingness, an insubstantiality that cannot be physically lived but instead, we can simply erase Hope from our vocabulary and turn it into a disposition and willingness to coexist as equals, without any resistance, without any fear as those points can only exist within the who we are as the ego of the mind, as consciousness.

 

Bubbles of self interest floating around just fall and disappear – bubbles that stick together become more resistant as they are sharing their beingness to create a more stable structure, even if of course eventually all bubbles will be burst, just like ourselves having a defined lifetime wherein the last question that I’ll leave here is the following:

 

It’s clear that all of that which is not directly linked to and supporting what is Real as the physical reality will have to be eliminated, the same as any word that is simply not supporting the expression of who we really are but instead have become the very shackles we have accepted and allowed as a way to remain idle, waiting and hoping for something to resolve the Matters at Hand.

*“If you cannot ‘drive’ the ‘Matter-within’ which is the ‘Matter’ of what is ‘Important’ for ‘Everyone’, the ‘Matter of Equality’ -How can you ‘expect’ ‘Equality’ – to ‘Support-You?’

 

If you are not ‘willing’ to ‘give-up’, that which is ‘causing’ the ‘Problem’ in ‘Matter’, in ‘Space-Time’. In the ‘Physical-Reality’, which is an ‘Unequal Money System’. An ‘System’ that ‘do-not give’, to ‘each-one’ a ‘Support Structure’ to make the ‘most’ of ‘this Life’, in the ‘Physical’ – If one do-not take that-on, and Stop that – Why should ‘Existence’ ‘Matter’ ‘about-You’? Why should ‘Existence’ ‘Care’ ‘about-You’? Because that which you could ‘do-something-about’, you did not… ‘Matter’ to ‘you.’ It didn’t ‘Matter’. It wasn’t…“I don’t..It doesn’t ‘Matter’, I mean. I… ‘See’ if I ‘Care’. Why should-it ‘Matter’ to ‘Me’? I mean, ‘My Life’ is ‘Fine’. I’m ‘Happy’. I mean, I’ve ‘Worked Hard’ to be ‘Happy’! ”

 

Really? Yes, your ‘Genetics’ fell by a ‘luck-shot’ in a ‘place’ where you have ‘Money’. You’re in a ‘Casino’. Now you’re a ‘little-picture’ walking around Here – is ‘Happy’. With a ‘Smile’. Is that ‘really’ the ‘Case’? It’s Not. ‘How’ ‘Far’ are you ‘going-to-go’ to ‘Expose’ the ‘Matter-at-Hand’? ‘How’ ‘Far’ are you ‘going-to-go’ to ‘Make-Sure? Because, unless one take this ‘Matter’ to it’s ‘Conclusion’, there is a ‘Problem’, isn’t it?

 

You have ‘no-option’ but to take this ‘Matter’ to ‘Conclusion’. To ‘bring-about’ a ‘Directive Structure’ within ‘Matter’ that ‘Matters‘, for ‘Everyone’. And that put ‘Matters‘ in this Reality, in such a way, that ‘Everyone Matters‘ – Equally. That should be the ‘only-thing’ that ‘Matters‘, until it’s ‘Done’. Nothing else is ‘really’ ‘of-any-matter’, is it? Everything else that ‘takes’ one’s ‘attention-away’ from this ‘Matter’ = is ‘Deliberate Deception’. One should ‘treat-it’ as-’such’. ‘Focused’ on a ‘Solution’, in-’Matter’, about ‘things’ that ‘Matter’, to ‘all Parts of Life’, ‘Every Being’, ‘Here’.

Once this ‘Matter’ is taken-care-of, we will have a Reality where things ‘Matter’. That will be ‘quite nice’, isn’t it?

 

So – Let’s ‘sort-out’ the ‘Matter-at-Hand’.

Bernard Poolman – May 24th,  2010

 

Would you want to remain only as a lonely bubble drifting around with no direction or cause, or would you want to be a bubble that instead joins other bubbles to create a stable and consistent environment that is for sure a more enjoyable way of living as one and in equality?

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246. Why do we Seek to Escape this World through Emotions?

Continuing from:

So, quoting the post where I got the self support

Update on Music Post, June 1, 2008

Marlen wrote:
What I’ve experienced is some tingling, mostly like goosebumps when i listen to certain songs.. but this might be mindfuck as well… hmm it’s as if ants walked within my body and extended through it all. Don’t’ know why this happens but i used to have it before as well. But this time specific with music. So would like perspective because if i have to stop it I will… just to know where it comes from thanks

Answer:
The sensation experienced here Marlen, is when a physical manifested memory construct system – ‘activate’ within hearing the sound and words.

When this occurs – observe your mind and the thoughts that arise, as the thoughts as memories will pertain to the physical manifested system within and as you – which has become you, which has formed part of your self-definition of the mind.

Margot

 

So, the Self Forgiveness in the last post indicated an actual self-revelation of once again just another personality/ character defined by the type of likes and fascinations I created out of some initial fear or energetic relationship to specific situations and music, such as the end of the world/ death and mostly a perspective upon the world being fucked, never realizing that I was the only one that was accepting and allowing it to be so and rather victimizing myself about it, complaining about it without ever even considering how I could stand as the change within myself instead of seeking it outside of me.

 

If we take a look at our entertainment – whether is music, arts, TV, magazines, books, any ‘high culture’ type of hobbies and virtually anything for that matter is part of the same industries that are only seeking after money to remain with a certain spot within our world system, a perfect world system for slaves that seek to ‘get away’ from reality for a while which is the first and most important condition that exists in order for anyone to not question the system, to not question their jobs as long as holyweekend rewards of getting wasted and laid are in place as an obligatory sacrament in order to feel ‘alive’ as the renewal of the mind consciousness system’s life is rebooted by an extensive participation in the mind as energy. And I’m merely describing what goes on and what I see/witness every single weekend around here.

The same goes with any other form of spirituality for example, seeking a holy good-doer experience within some form of ritual or religious encounter wherein they get probably the same chills/ ecstatic experience that I do while watching some bombs obliterating the Earth to the music of Godspeed You Black Emperor, and I mean I understand this can be judged as rather insensitive, but it’s just within the understanding of how a point of fear is turned into a fascination. So, it is simply about revealing what is here and look at our personal self definitions with regards to images and sounds – if anything makes you feel ‘good’ or temporarily ‘high’ and ‘out of your senses,’ problem since it indicates we are only running as a mind and are not being the directive principle of our beingness. If there was no such ecstatic experience within the music I heard, would I have been so imbued into it? Probably not – the same can be applied to anyone that has created an energetic bond to virtually anything in this world – because as we’ve said many times: we’re all addicts and have not fully grasped what our addictions are causing at a global level.

 

So in essence, this point of music as any other form of energetic experience reminds me one thing every time: what am I willing to participate in just for the sake of an energetic experience? and because of this, I had actually prevented me from travelling across the city and spending money on tickets and rides there to get a ‘nice memory’ such as going to concerts, which became like a self-religion to be there and acting out of memory, because out of the several hours I had to spend travelling and waiting, all the money on tickets and rides would be a lot more than the hour and a half that the hype happened. If it was easier to go, I would not see it as a problem, nor would I judge it, but I am specifically looking at what cost do I go and seek for these experiences, not necessary.

 

I have been watching several documentaries on drugs because I can see how every single person that is a hard-core drug addict is seeking for this ‘something’ to feel to fill some apparent void. I was ‘lucky’ to be fearful of taking any hard drugs, feared consequence so much that I simply avoided that, but became aware of the temptation that exists whenever you believe you lack some spice in your life. It’s quite hard to look at methamphetamines and the current deadly addiction they represent, literally people just hooking up on it in the first hit. And this seems to be the decay that I have been focusing on, because this is precisely the ‘I want to give up’ attitude that leads us to seek an end of the world scenario while making of anything in your life your greatest ‘hit’ and high, either through legal or illegal drugs, music, sex, buying, killing, eating, exercising, painting, walking, stealing, consuming anything and anyone just for one single moment of pleasure.

This accumulation of Self Interest is what has lead us to what we have become now: top consuming addicts that will do whatever it takes to keep up with a hedonist lifestyle that disregards where all of these little ‘treats’ come from. Certainly we are so narrow minded that we believe that everything that we consume is somehow ‘safe to use’ and perpetuate because we blatantly believe that because it being sold in your supermarket/ regular shops, it is ‘probably’ tested and safe to use by people, and it is most likely non-harmful and bio-friendly type of product, of any kind for that matter. Really?

 

We’ve bought so many lies just to maintain our little happy world-play running at the expense of life on Earth and the lives of billions of beings that are either starving, absolutely neglected by any form of care or regard or working 3/4 of a day just to make enough money to stay alive and produce the the lifestyle that we are so proud of as technological advancements and any other ‘improvement’ that is only available for those with money and can only be produced by those that are forced to remain as slaves to make it happen. That’s our reality – and that’s what sustains any form of personal-interest as entertainment or a fleeting moment of escapism, without realizing that we should not even be seeking to ‘escape’ or ‘get high’ if we could all agree to make of this world a suitable living space for all beings equally, with unconditional resources to ensure life is honored as oneself.

 

 

From Energetic Fixes to Self Expression

Now, how to turn such experience of music/ painting into Self Expression? Me making a decision to hear music or participate in any other activity that involves any form of creative process, being here breathing and enjoying the sounds for what they are and that’s it. It is definitely something that for a drunk would mean having to drink beer without alcohol, but as I said, I cannot allow myself to enslave me to a single point of energetic experience that I would actually be quite a seeker of. I have already spent too much money in the past going to concerts just because of that feeling and experience, only to every time end up saying: next time, I’ll remind myself that it’s not worth it- but not really learning since there’s always this hope that I’ll have a good time. Last time I did, I danced around while being perfectly sober which was cool but I realize that I can as well put some music on and dance and jump around – no difference since the entire exhilaration of seeing a band live is mostly an energetic experience in the mind that turns just into this one experience that one can say ‘I’ve been there’ and that’s it. We can look at all other points in our life we conduct in a similar manner, just for a little excitement there can be lots of money and time spent, sometimes even getting in risky situations or travelling across the city at night which I’ve done in my case, not the most suitable option just to follow-through with a desire.

In terms of the self-definition, I can see that at the moment it’s not so much about me defining myself according to that music, it is just that energetic experience that comes up with and while listening to certain music, but I’ll have to walk this as I go since there are several types of music, several voices, sounds that I essentially saved in my memory for various reasons. If I would have to walk through each and every single music video I adopted something from, It would take me a thousand posts. So, it is a matter of breathing through the energetic thrill, see what thoughts came up, which is not so much a thinking any more but a remembrance of a personality, which implies I have to ‘go back’ and see what that song was about, what ‘era’ of my life does that song represent and walk the self forgiveness, because it is really uncomfortable not being able to be fully directive here when such experiences arise, I mean, it’s just like when you’re cold and you suddenly get chills – same point here, but the chills come even if I am not cold per se. It can only indicate layers I have to work with in relation to these ingrained personalities and yes, it is mostly like suddenly having to take the make up off the face when it comes to these points that I had kept nice and safe, without realizing to what extent I am still controlled by it since they meant my ‘get away’ from reality.

This is a point to consider for me every time that I simply miss myself breathing here and start accumulating this search for something to be entertained with. How I have dealt with it is simply physically doing the stuff I actually have to do, moving faster than the mind’s complains about it and that’s ok, however not applied to everything equally, which is the point to direct. However, I also have learned not to condemn everything that I would do for a moment of entertainment. As Anu said once, we would go crazy without those bits of entertainment, so it’s just to be aware of me not reloading the entire personality that I have created through, for example, listening to music and doing particular activities that are as simple as walking and deifying a particular color in the sky, but remain here as breath within the realization that in doing so, I am honoring myself and actually being self directive at all times within the experience.

I realize that every time that I deliberately take myself to a point of escapism through watching/ hearing something mostly is rather a red flag indication of what is it that I am not willing to face and direct within my reality – and as such I have to instead prioritize what I have to do instead of creating further judgments about it and creating a struggle between having to ‘do my responsibilities’ but wanting a moment of entertainment. The easy way through that is by agreeing to simply leave any form of entertainment for the end after I’ve covered all the points, or most of them that required immediate direction. Otherwise, backchat accumulates and then it’s just harder to get out of that inertia – for that I suggest reading Maya Rot’s blog Day 118 – Physics and the Desteni Process – Newton’s First Law of Motion – the Principle of Inertia to understand what it physically means to Move as a physical being in self-willed manner.

 

 

 

So, how can I turn this point of self interest to a best for all interest?

Stopping seeking only my personal satisfactions, seeking ‘a way out’ of my responsibilities in this world and instead direct me to implement a world system that I can be genuinely proud of having contributed to create. That’s what I have realized is what I’m here for and any form of entertainment can be seen just as that,  a moment wherein I do something else without defining myself according to it – obviously within the consideration of not harming myself/ anyone and considering at all times not enhancing these moments through energy, but physicalize it as part of the activities that I can give myself time to enjoy for a moment and that’s it.

 

If we create a world that is suitable for living in all aspects, everything we have deemed as our personality with specific traits that would exist as a form of rebellion toward the ‘establishment’ as I have done, will simply not exist. Now figure out all the entertainment industries that will have to be reconfigured to simply be an available point of expression wherein there is no more money involved or any other angst involved behind an expression, but simply being an actual available part for our personal development without having to make it a separate ‘profession’ or ‘career’ as I did in my case, studying art just because of not wanting to be part of everything that I judged this world system to stand for: abuse of life, never asking me how in my personal endeavors to seek ‘my way out’ I also neglected any form of reality and sought only my self interest wherein only ‘I’ could ‘feel good’ about myself and never even questioning what I was supporting with money and my participation in due to only seeking to exert my opinions and ‘way of looking at life’ without any consideration of the actual life as all the living beings that surely get neglected every time we only seek an energetic fix, which is the negligence to deliberately stop here.

 

What matters is existing as the consistency of myself here as a 1+ person that is committed for life to generate a world wherein who we are won’t exist as personalities that oppose, compete and spite each other, but work together and learn how to coexist to make life on Earth a point we want to Live in, and never again seek to destroy or turn into an energetic-factory machine for our personal delights and mindfucks.

 

– I’ll continue with some more considerations of our ‘doomsday’ personalities, the desire to End the world instead of taking responsibility for it and we’ll have a look at the Actual doomsday that is being generated by you and I every single day within our participation in this world system wherein Life is certainly not regarded at all.

 

 

 

 

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245. Sublimity and Ecstatic Self Experiences

 

When looking at the sublime and the end of the world relationship, there’s more of a physical  effect of the energy as an experience that I would participate in wherein the usual ‘setting’ was me listening to some music and painting that which I would get an entire energetic kick out of, finding my own ‘mysteries’ which weren’t mysteries but simply a way to keep myself waiting for something to happen that could change this world for better or total destruction.

To me total destruction made more sense according to what I was witnessing in our reality and as such, probably generated a fear in the first place toward this, later on turning it into a fascination that remained as part of my ‘topics’ and recurrent themes wherein I stated many times that I didn’t know what else to paint but the dread, suffering, destruction and all the usually seen as ‘negative’ aspects of reality, that’s probably one of the reasons I decided to study art, because I thought there was something very important to say with regards to making visible that which is usually feared, never really looking at how the experience in itself had become my actual excuse and justification when doing it, because there weren’t any actual ‘skills’ in the formal way of looking at ‘art,’ but just a desire to express – this is the point of separation here.

So, through my decision having been based upon energy as an experience I came to ‘enjoy,’ I became an energy junky for all things dramatic, gloomy, somber, macabre, lugubrious, destructive, decay, etc. This is part of the energetic experience that I exist as whenever I am not here simply breathing, it became ‘me’ to a physical extent that I would not be aware of how the totality of my physical expression was denoting this ‘dread’ and ultimately existing as a point of victimization, a ‘loud cry’ for some form of help, absolute drama and self-pity without ever considering I could simply support myself, take responsibility for my so-called ‘sadness’ and constant melancholia and focus on living, or actually learning how to live for the first time.

Throughout this process I have stabilized myself tremendously with regards to this constant ‘self-experience’ I’ve described above, that would veer toward seeing everything as too fucked to have any form of solution – I decided to stop being so full of myself and instead begin supporting me. I have managed to stop depressive moods as a ‘constancy’ within me and whenever it comes up, it is an experience that doesn’t last that much, because I cannot fool myself that easily any longer to ‘think’ myself into an experience, which is awesome but it is in fact a constant self dedication to Stop participating in energy and it’s like me for a moment talking to myself in relation to who I am in the moment and talk myself to get up and keep going.

 

When I am painting I am not creating any emotion any longer, it mostly actually serves as a point to just focus my attention out of words for a moment, there’s not a ‘longing’ for it since last time I deliberately thought I ‘wanted to paint,’ I realized that it was mostly the longing in itself that I was participating it, and it’s the typical experience wherein once you got what you want, you don’t want it anymore, because it wasn’t the thing/ activity/ moment or sometimes even the people themselves that we actually want to experience ourselves with or in, but only the constant friction and conflict that this ‘unattainable desire’ creates as a point of distraction and mind preoccupation.

 

Hence we are entering the realm of pictures and sounds as music. Now that’s the freaking nitty gritty stuff I haven’t dealt with as much, because of not knowing how to ‘deal’ with applying self forgiveness on the energetic experiences gotten from points like talking about the end of the world, listening to ‘overwhelming music,’ and watching anything that would make my body get these absolutely overwhelming chills which I defined according to me being a more ‘emotional person,’ which as I have walked in the past blogs, it was just another way of giving myself more of a ‘humane’ credit other than being  just a ‘smart/ intelligent person,’ that I didn’t want to be categorized as.

 

These end of the world paintings would be part of my ‘unspoken’ self-discourse  that I would mostly only paint but not speak about it, except for that time in high school that I participated in heated debates about it, lol, defending 2012 at all cost while arguing with my English teacher.

 

So, how I created this energetic ball of energetic experience:  I found the ‘right soundtrack’ to be listening to while doing my creations and voilá it became a constant element, even when taking pictures, always headphones on and looking reality as a movie I could glide through, focusing on my own dread and self-experience because, as any energetic experience, it doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative: we become hooked on any energetic experience.  And so, me being ‘hooked on emotions’ meant cultivating this constant self-view of life that was later on placed into paintings, hence the emotional attachment/ experience that I wanted people to ‘feel’ as well, and you know that entire dribble of art and emotions…

 

The sublime experience at a physical level, it is that type of excitement/excitation you experience throughout your physical body – sometimes it is like the usually called goosebumps, which I had asked specifically in relation to Godspeed’s music – which wasn’t only me since other forum member also asked about the same song and the same experience – which then made it clear that it was a usual systematic experience according to how I had defined such music to be. What were the emotions then?  This overwhelming experience that becomes just like any other energetic experience turns out to be quite addictive, hence the constant listening to such music wherein I had no regard to stop such energetic movements, but simply went on, fully believing that it was in fact me reacting with such overwhelming experience.

 

Now, I have practiced breathing throughout these chills that come up every time that this experience emerges automatically  – and this would be no different to when I would participate in me being in a mindset of ‘end of the world scenario’ and just being sad and gloomy for what the world had turned out to be – all of this self-interest as self experience obviously.

 

I remember when I was very little, it was around 91-92 and we were outside the house and people were into this hype of UFO’s being visiting and whatnot, and as we were looking up to the sky I experienced what I thought was extreme cold, but no, it was this quivering energetic sensation that we can call goosebumps/ chills and it would get to a point wherein I would quiver inside me. I have felt the same experience in any other point of absolute fear that I have even called attraction or fascination for something. This explains very well what this ‘overwhelming’ experience at a physical level actually is: an actual energetic experience. And, I must say that the reason why I became a music junky was precisely because of these experiences that I thought I liked, but it’s mostly due to all the energetic experiences I have added to the entire setting: painting/ thinking about all the death/ destruction and decay and listening to that music. This is how it became quite a ‘energetic cocktail’ of experiences that I cultivated within me: we got the thoughts, the emotional experience and the sounds becoming a single ‘atmosphere’ that I would experience as a form of individualized trance – it is no different really to simply being high on happiness or any other energetic experience, however it is my responsibility to be able to equalize myself to such experience that I had not really taken on because of actually lacking understanding on what this experience as excitement/overwhelming experience that I could define as ‘sublime’ experience – for a lack of a better word – was actually really about: just another point of fear turned into a fascination.

 

 

Self Forgiveness in this Sublime energetic experience:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the experience of absolute fear as a point of fascination in relation to imagining and thinking about ‘the end of the world,’ wherein I believed that I was in fact enjoying thinking about it and constantly representing it through paintings and mixing it with music, without realizing that in this, I was only creating my own points of energetic experiences that I aligned myself to as a form of pleasure and delight, which is the ‘sublime’ experience wherein all that I would exist as is an energetic experience, a thrill and chills that I came to define as an enjoyable experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get hooked on emotions as an enjoyable experience simply because my life was too plain and I required some form of friction, conflict and excitement that I could create in a certain way –thus in this, using the point of creativity and music as a way to generate emotions and feelings so that I could exist as a mind experiencing itself, instead of me having been simply present within and throughout these creative explorations that I could have breathed through and express as a physical movement without thinking about it in order to FEEL something as an energetic movement which I believed would make the expression Real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to Feel and become emotional to do any form of expression, simply because that’s what I learned from others: focusing on the ‘feeling’ of the expression which I then fabricated in my mind in relation to painting that which would cause any form of experience within me, hence the nature of the paintings being allusive to the end of the world, just because of how I had programmed myself to fear and then create an excitement about such end and represent it through painting and music creation with several emotions that could point out a negative emotional experience that I came to enjoy.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to reduce my expression, limiting and defining it according to the amount of energy as a physical effect that I could measure, wherein the more ‘excited’ or energetic thrill I would get while creating it along with the music, the thoughts, I would consider the expression to be more ‘real,’ and as such consider the opposite: the less I would get an energetic experience as an internal satisfaction of excitement while painting or after having finished, I would consider that I wasn’t really successful in my creation or that I was lacking some form of inspiration, wherein

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define dread, depression and a general negative emotional experience within me as the perfect state for creation, which comes from the beliefs that only through suffering and being experiencing a certain dread and negative experience about oneself could one be ‘genuine’ in art creation, which was the reason why the immediate words linked to art creation were emotions and feelings as expression.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self expression as emotions and feelings and believe that they were indispensable components for me to express anything in a True manner/ way.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the true-me was actually only existent whenever I would access such overwhelming experiences that are even called ‘sublimation,’ as in almost having a spiritual revelation – not realizing that this was all me talking myself into the energetic experience as ‘my expression’ wherein the physical reality of myself was not really taken into consideration at all, hence

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberate direct myself to participate in activities that I defined as ‘real’ and ‘true’ such as art creation due to the emotional experiences I was able to experience through me talking myself into such experiences that would stem from a point of fear and then transformed into some constant depression, woe and dread about life that I came to embody as a constant self experience for quite some time.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to enjoy experiencing this ‘sublime experience’ that is actually a lot of fear that I turned into a fascination as the ability for the mind to actually benefit from me participating in such ‘sublime experience’ and recreating it through painting, hearing music or writing about all things miserable such as destruction, decay, death, end of the world, my own ‘sad and lonely’ self experience, which became my own Doom as a constant mood that I believed was ‘my nature,’ without realizing that I was limiting myself to a single energetic experience defined as negative and that was it, I didn’t investigate it further but simply accepted and allowed myself to cultivate it instead from the starting point of believing that Feeling and becoming emotional were ‘vital signs’ of being a human being and a more ‘humane’ one.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to have an overwhelming energetic experience through listening to music and/or painting, taking pictures/ video wherein this personality that rejoices in all things ‘gloomy’ and somber and destructive is simply me existing in an actual fear toward those points and turning the fear into an enjoyable experience in order to be able to have a form of ‘control’ upon it apparently, without realizing I have never in fact been in control but only develop ways to be able to confront it without a sense of ‘lack of control,’ which is how I became ‘comfortable’ as an experience to things that would normally be seen as disturbing to talk about such as death and destruction, and self-destructive emotional experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually neglect the fact that I did fear the end of the world, but because of such fear being so prominent, I turned it into a fascination and into my personal recurrent theme/topic so that I could confront it within a ‘controlled’ sense of enjoyment toward it, just so that I could feel ‘alright’ when talking about it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of death and destruction a usual ‘fascination’ for me to talk about due to how my father was supportive of these thoughts about the occult, mysteries and prophecies which pissed off my mother pretty much, lol, and as such, making of death and disturbing thoughts and experiences my fascination just so that I could create a point of friction and conflict within her every time I would bring them up in discussions and get a positive experience/ kick out of it, of being able to generate a fear within another from them fearing ‘the end of the world’ or ‘prophecies’ or ‘aliens’ or ‘crazy people’ for that matter, wherein I seconded my father to step on my mother’s nerves for the sake of joking around.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘positive experience’ out of something that would usually be feared just to generate – again – this sense of specialness for me desiring and wanting the world to end while everyone else seemed to fear it and even dislike talking about it, within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of ‘the end of the world’ my personal fascination just because of how it would seem as an avoided and disturbing topic for others, which is how I also sought to make myself ‘important’ and ‘unique,’ because of believing that it was then some type of powerful statement to shock people in any way because through them reacting to what I did, I would reinforce my beliefs of being on the right track in relation to me having ‘something to say’ through art, even if back then it was only death and destruction without any further understanding or comprehension of how we were all collectively creating it, regardless of creating an experience about it or not.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘enjoy’ strident music as perpetual piercing sounds just because of how disturbing and ‘bizarre’ they were, wherein the more specific and unique my tastes were, the more ‘special’ I would be in my mind in relation to the general likes of people, which stems from my desire to ‘not be ordinary’/ be special/ be authentic or relate to the least ‘common people,’ that could also be within the same mind frame of looking at ‘others’ as strangers and normal/ ordinary as a lesser definition and instead, wanting to be singled-out from the crowds due to these fascinations, likes, preferences and self experience of enjoyment toward the seemingly dark and negative just to get a positive reinforcement to my personality as ‘a rebel’ or antagonist in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an immediate empathy to anyone that dares to present themselves as that point of challenge toward what’s socially acceptable and desirable, simply because of the amount of shock and disturbance that this can create within other human beings, and as such, making of this ability to create any form of shock my personal satisfaction of being effective in ‘what I do,’ wherein I believed that my expression had to cause an experience within another and that such reaction would mean my self-experience was genuine, within the belief that emotions and feelings was the ‘truth of ourselves’ as our mind.

 

This happens very often, lol in fact I just read something that was rather sarcastic and laughed about it and then realized that I would have wanted to ‘defend’ the person for saying something that was ‘not supposed’ to be said/written within a certain context, so this is how I came to support people that would go ‘against the tide’ just because of the shock value they represented within other being’s lives and reality, in essence creating empathy toward those that would play out the same mechanism I supported within myself.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to enjoy this absolute overwhelming energetic experience as goosebumps whenever I would be painting and listening to music that I’ve defined as ‘end of the world music,’ be overwhelmed by the absolute noise and encompassing sounds while Thinking about ‘the end of the world’ as an absolute destruction, which I now see and understand was my ‘little heaven’ of self experience just because of having the background of people around me mostly not liking to talk about death, destruction and the end of the world, thus creating my own mindfuck as personal fascination stemming from doing something ‘non-conventional’ such as rejoicing in thoughts of death and destruction.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I desired the world to end, not realizing that in any form of desire there’s a fear and that in my mind I created a fascination toward everything that I actually feared: I feared facing everything that I would paint within the ‘end of the world’ scenario and as such, I would paint that which I wasn’t willing to admit I feared, turning it instead into a positive creative self experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a likeness toward the music that I would also experience as a general fear due to how overwhelming the sounds were, mostly of prolonged intense acute frequency and strident sounds wherein I can say it definitely works at a mind level to produce this disturbance within my being that would be experienced as chills/ goosebumps and linking that to a pleasant experience within me, without realizing it wasn’t really that I liked it, but made myself believe that  I did.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience in my mind out of an actual negative physical energetic effect on my body, wherein I would turn it into a fascination and enjoyment while in reality the body was actually being consumed in order for me to have my exciting experiences of death and destruction related topics.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of pain a pleasurable experience wherein the thought of death and destruction would cause a nice/ positive experience at a mind level, as something that I thought I liked but in fact it was actually absolute fear that I was experiencing and a such I never in fact was supporting myself within any energetic experience that I believed I liked. I see, realize and understand that All energetic experiences are detrimental to the physical body and that participating in this energetic experience to even then believe that I actually wanted the world to end, without realizing that it was the idea of the world ending which I attached to an overwhelming exciting experience, but I wasn’t really wanting the world to end nor was I in fact measuring in any way the consequences that such event would entail for all living beings. Thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of everything and everyone just disappearing/ being obliterated by some supernatural force that I wanted to experience and participate in, just because of how I realized the extensive overwhelming experience it would be, wherein ‘overwhelming’ is linked to seeing red skies  – which I have also created a fascination toward – as the usual depiction of a perfect end of the world scenario, without realizing that this became a general ‘kick’ for my mind to rejoice within this pleasant experience that was in fact fear due to me thinking about ‘the end of the world’ when looking at red skies.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body was enjoying the music and responding with such absolute ecstatic experience of feeling goosebumps and quivering, without realizing that it was in fact the energetic compound of all the thinking processes that would lead me to experience fear about this absolute destruction that I would either paint or enjoy looking at in pictures as the usual cloudy red skies and some form of civilization destruction.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to continue experiencing this overwhelming experience in a constant basis simply because of believing that such goosebumps were a sign of me enjoying/ identifying with the music somehow, not realizing it was simply me having linked this to an actual fear that turned into a fascination as in me actually being overwhelmed by the sounds and thinking that I was enjoying this in fact

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was okay to be attracted to that which was mostly sad and gloomy as self-experience, just because it becomes as addictive as happiness and positivity – I realize that I simply played out the opposite pole due to how I designed myself to become the exact opposite of what was ‘agreeable’ and ‘acceptable’ in my reality, within this becoming just the pillar that creates conflict and friction in order to generate more energy only to satisfy myself as my own mind.

 

I realize that these ‘sublime’ experiences have become aesthetic categories just because of us having accepted and allowed our emotions and feelings as humans beings as ‘who we are’ and some form of ‘human nature,’ without ever having actually investigated How such energetic experiences were formed, how are they produced and created within our physical body and the actual effects and consequences it creates from participating in such experiences throughout our life experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to believe  me to be special for ‘feeling the music’ so much that I would get these goosebumps as physical reaction of the energetic experience, without realizing that it was so due to all the thinking, the images and general fear that I actually created toward such strident sounds that reverberated throughout my being and accepted this as a form of ecstatic self-experience, without questioning what I was in fact doing to my body every time that these experiences are generated.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my own physical body every time that I would allow myself to experience these chills as ‘thrills’ and as a form of self enjoyment, without ever really investigating or becoming aware of the nature of the experience, wherein sometimes even my stomach would hurt due to the extensive participation in ‘keeping the wave on’ as in keeping myself ‘riding the experience’  just for the sake of my own ‘pleasure’ that I never really experienced as the actual pain it is.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not identify how I would get the same overwhelming experience every time I would go into absolute fear such as fear of someone trespassing the house, or being mugged, or being walking alone at night on the street – these would all cause similar experiences within myself that I never questioned, but simply allowed them to be and exist without making the necessary links to see how the so-called pleasure was actually fear as well, experienced in a very similar manner to my so called ‘ecstatic’ experience that I defined as positive.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become this energetic experience simply because of me having defined it as ‘positive’ and ‘enjoyable’ as anything that I would look at, listen to or read that would cause an actual ‘fear’ as an overwhelming experience, but instead of investigating it further, I simply accepted it as ‘who I am’ and me having some form of empathy/resonance for the sounds/ music, the visuals or the words that would create these images within me of actual horror/ terror/ fear in an ‘acceptable manner,’ since I never took it to the ‘next level,’ so to speak.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe there was such a thing as genuine empathic experience toward others that would exist within a similar ‘energetic experience’ as myself and within that, creating relationships with people that would support this self-experience as a form of ‘special bond’ that was ‘difficult to find’ and as such, level it up to a form of specialness and uniqueness in relationships.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘make it okay’ to rejoice in what I deemed were positive experiences that were ‘innocent’ because I was the only one experiencing such chills and thrills in my physical body, without realizing that these thoughts and logic is only me as the mind realizing what I have done onto the physical and that I never in fact was aware of my physical body, otherwise I would have been aware of the actual detrimental experiences that the body goes through when participating in any form of energetic experience either positive or negative – same consequence.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was okay for me to experience sadness and enjoy it, because I thought I was special and unique to only experience sadness as a form of enjoyment, without realizing that in all cases, any energetic experience is equal from the perspective that it is me as a the mind generating friction and conflict to extract energy from the physical in order to continue existing as an energetic system, without realizing that there is no point for such system to exist within me and that I can be here, breathe and remain constant and consistent as myself as the physical, and that living/being alive does not require these ‘overwhelming experiences’ that I would be a sucker for in the form of listening to music all the time, thinking constantly about all the bad things in the world and rejoice in what I deemed was something ‘twisted’ and ‘socially incorrect,’ because I learned that I could only rejoice in that which is positive/ beneficial for self, never really understanding that any energetic experience no matter how we  assess it/define it within our consciousness mind-frame as either positive or negative, it is always a relationship of friction and conflict to generate and create more energy that is extracted from the physicality that I am in order to continue the existence of the mind through/ as more friction and conflict.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to train and condition my physical body to accept these energetic experiences of fear and overwhelming thoughts of death and destruction as an actual enjoyment or ‘aliveness’ whenever I would create a quivering in my body that I believed was a sign of me being ‘more alive’ or more ‘genuine’ than other beings, and that such experiences were an indication of me being ‘more’ than others, a point of specialness which became as a personal cultivation of such experiences for my personal enjoyment.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to condition my physical to such a reaction of the mind as ‘enjoyment,’ instead of actually approaching points of expression like painting and music from a physical starting point of self expression.

 

I realize that the only way to ‘change’ this point of self-experience as the sublime, the disturbing and mostly feared is simply by stopping fearing it myself and next, is working on breathing the energetic experiences as they emerge in this automated way, which I take responsibility for because of the amount of time and energy I spent on accepting such energetic experiences as ‘normal,’ and as such, commit myself to be aware of whenever I am approaching something/ someone from the starting point of wanting to get a kick out of re-enacting my fascinations and self-experiences of fear turned into a pleasurable experience.

 

I commit myself to equalize myself to any form of expression ,wherein I ensure that I am always here, breathing – and that no matter what I do, I place my focus and attention on the physical reality of what I am doing and also realizing that not getting any energetic experience while listening to music or painting does not make the moment less as in not being genuine, as I realize that any form of energetic movement while doing something is indicating me a point of separation within the mind in accordance to how I have participated in my reality through the mind instead of the physical.

 

I commit myself to base my self expression on being here as breath while painting, listening to music, watching nature and as such realize that every time I create either a positive or negative experience out of anything I do in the physical, it is the mind and it’s not real self-expression and must be taken self responsibility for, as I understand how it is within these seeking of ‘thrills’ at a mind level that we become addicts for this that is later on sought through drugs, sex, money or anything else that is able to provide enough resources to generate a ‘moreness’ or ‘specialness’ within us as energetic-experiences, which is unacceptable as these are the bricks of self-abuse that we all have participated in within ourselves as the mind, having real effects and detrimental consequences for the whole in this world – not only humans, but every single particle abused in the name of our personal fascinations.

 

More to come.

 

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