Category Archives: entertainment

456. Taking Responsibility For Our Energy Fixes

(Or how to take the point back to self when becoming aware of gruesome things like in ‘Pizzagate’)

Last week I found myself pondering too much what exactly can drive certain human beings to do very vile things to children, like pedophilia and the rest of it that has emerged from the ‘pizzagate’ movement on social media. I wasn’t so amazed at the information, because I’ve been aware of this for some years now, though it is so that every time I still go into trying to understand why, because I cannot fathom ‘how’ could anyone gather the strength and nerve to do such atrocities to children.

Though here’s the point: I don’t need an answer or details of ‘why’ but I can sum it up to being just another consequential outflow of the relationship to experience that we all form toward anything/anyone in this reality. What does ‘forming a relationship to experience’ mean? It has to do with generating or creating either a positive or negative association to a particular experience that we respond to with an energetic reaction. These energetic reactions are what we call emotions and feelings which we all create and associate with things, situations, habits, doings and the rest of ways in which we relate to everything that is here, which means we create a relationship to it, an energetic experience that in our minds we tend to label as either negative or positive – yet in terms of energy creation, it is the same thing when it comes to acknowledging its consequential creation and outflows in our minds and bodies.

What we are becoming aware of now and the extent of abuse and cruelty we see in daily events in this world are based on a plethora of reasons based on how each person accepts and allows themselves to evolve this relationship to experience in many ways that ultimately are never supportive or constructive, ever. This is how someone can get to embrace cruelty and abuse as a form of excitement, sexual pleasure and other seemingly ‘good’ experiences along with it. Yet what is ignored is who/what has to be abused/used in order for anyone to get such ‘high’ or ‘pleasure’ or ‘good experience’ at the expense of something/someone, and this is an essential form of addiction that we can all be familiar in various forms as well, there is really no one person in this world that could consider themselves ‘free’ from participating in these same mechanisms in which people like pedophiles operate as well, and it is not only about sexual deviations, it has to do with the way we operate in our minds and how whether it is a seemingly ‘positive’ or negative experience, as long as we are creating an energetic experience, it is a consequential process to our very own life and physical body, which is explained in the entire series on Eqafe.com ‘Quantum Mind Self Awareness’ to understand at what level we also sacrifice physical substance and our very own life for the sake of powering experiences as emotions or feelings that we’ve come to accept as ‘normal’ or ‘what defines us as humans’ in this world.

The  bottom line here is that there’s not any point in wanting to know ‘why’ kids, or ‘the reasons’ behind the actions of people involved in these pedophile scandals, because I gain nothing from it, I do not need to know the gruesome details other than becoming aware of and understanding that who we have become in the inside of ourselves as our minds, our ‘programming’ or ‘how we run’ our bodies is in fact that evil aspect of ourselves that we need to change, and that’s all I truly ever need to focus on.

Here then I reflect on how much time, effort, focus, attention, breaths and essentially life we can waste in trying to find the ‘ultimate reasons’ for something that we simply know in common sense Needs to be stopped, needs to be changed, needs to be understood as the form of abuse to life that it is based on satisfying a particular attraction, sexual experience or ‘pleasure’ for some individuals. Do I really need to know the detail of their reasons? No, because ultimately knowing all the details could even lead others to follow through and start testing out the same ‘experience’ for themselves, and the whole supposed ‘objective investigation’ becomes a particular diving into the actual depths of addictions and circles of abuse that I’d say is best to not even know the details of if one is not entirely grounded within oneself and certain that one won’t ‘fall’ into the trap of getting to investigate too much and starting to secretly desire experiencing something like that as well, or testing it out for the sake of seeing ‘what it is all about’, which can be a double intent in the ‘mass exposure’ of all of this; after all, part of the ‘rules’ of this systematic game is that everything has to be shown/exposed to the public, so, this might be one of those ways.

This applies to everything that is generally deemed as bad, evil, wrong, ugly, despicable in reality where the most unstable individuals could dive into it in an attempt to uncover truths or investigate and end up being influenced by the whole of it and so, end up embracing it as a ‘normal’ part of our reality or something that is so ‘common’ that it becomes a ‘part of how things work’ which is essentially what we’ve done within ourselves life after life in the relationship with our minds, the relationship we have crated to experiences as emotions (negatively experienced energies) and feelings (positively associated energies) = the energy is the same, we decide HOW we define it in our minds and this relationship to energy and the very mechanics of how we function in our physical bodies is essentially the one and only reason why any form of abuse, ‘eating up’ of life is actually a mechanism that we all exist as.

Yes, in fact a post on ‘cannibalism’ (155. Are we all Cannibals?) was something I wrote long ago on how we tend to make a big deal of anything that we perceive is ‘eating up’ life and destroying it and sacrificing life, but in fact by the sheer maintenance of our minds existing in a constant generation of thoughts, feelings and emotions, we are also in need of constantly transforming physical energy (our life substance, our bodies) into mind energy to create such experiences that we’ve defined as ‘who we are.’ And this means that we have become the very ‘life eaters’ or ‘life cannibals’ the moment that we use our energy, our physical energy that we get from the earth through eating every day’s meals and transform it to power our illusions and delusions in the mind, as experiences that we believe is what pleases ‘us’ or ‘what makes us human’, when in fact, life itself does not need an experience, only in the mind do we keep going at it like addicts, seeking for any next fix – this is precisely what we need to change in relation to all things ‘experience’ in us.

Therefore by understanding this basic mechanism, we can see this same pattern of ‘eating ourselves alive’ or ‘consuming ourselves to give power to the mind’ repeating everywhere else in this reality. This is the real ‘repetition’ and ‘fractal reality’ that we are creating, where we try and excuse our existence to some ‘program’ or ‘system’ of sorts where we believe we have no say in what we do or how we are within ourselves, because we make ourselves subject to some programmed existence that we accept as ‘who we are,’ yet that is precisely the accepted and allowed existence that we have to question at the core of ourselves and not only be guided or rather ‘blinded’ by following the tracks to stories and despicable human actions as if they were truly evil and completely alien or separate from our own nature as human beings.

Now here, it’s not to make the quick assumption that ‘because all we are is evil, therefore we are doomed therefore one just steps aside from the whole world and lets it all be’. Nope, how I see these kind of events or ‘news’ if you will becoming more mainstream is also for a process to emerge in humanity to start seeing/realizing the extent of evil that exists in ourselves as human minds, to see how far we in fact can elaborate on a dysfunctional relationship to energetic experiences – in this case related to sexuality and power –  and turn it into a demonstrably abusive energy fix – through beliefs, through experiences, through traditions, through elitist circles or whatever, doesn’t matter in the end – that ends up consuming the most pure beings in the name of such experiences related to abusing infants for the sake of an experience, because that’s what it’s all about, in whichever form or opinion it is built upon= it’s all a mindfuck, literally, abusing life to satisfy the cravings we create, accept and allow in our minds.

Now that IS the point I want to get at here where we stop comfortably separating ourselves from those that we deem as ‘evil to the core’ and ‘reckless’ because here we’re going to realize how we are in fact operating in the same ways and mechanisms as the most ‘evil’ people in the world do– or that we prefer to believe and see others as such for a convenient separation of responsibility:

 If we remove the relationship to energy, and there was no ‘energetic experience’ to be obtained from anything that we do, would we still do it anyways? That’s essentially the redefinition of living that this process from consciousness to life awareness is all about, where we actually commit ourselves to understand the polarized energetic experiences – emotions, feelings – to write them down to understand them, to acknowledge them as our creation, as our responsibility and so then make a self-aware and practical day to day – continuous – commitment and practical decisions in every moment of our day to change that part of ourselves that leads to the same old ‘energetic fix’ – either positive or negative – and instead, transform it into a living experience, a word that one decides to live instead of the detrimental emotional or feeling experience, pattern or habit that led to self-destruction, to all things that are the ‘reverse of life’/’that are evil’ and so, take the actual process of being Self-Responsible and do the work it takes to correct ourselves, to acknowledge our consequence and so commit ourselves to change bit by bit every single day.

It’s easy to criticize those that we believe are ‘the worst of the worst’ for committing ‘heinous crimes against children’ while pretending one is ‘not at all that abusive’ – really? If we were to in fact stand as who we really are, as equal and one to everything and all that exists here as ourselves, would we have any face to still say ‘I am better than others?’ No, and that’s the reality of what we are currently one and equal to. We are all co-creating the mess until we decide to understand the same mechanisms that exist in each one of our minds – in all of us – and so commit ourselves to take our individual responsibility and be that 1+ person that creates self-change within oneself – challenging, it is, but this is to understand that things like ‘pedophilia’ or any other atrocity for that matter is only the extreme demon-stration of the worst that exists in every one of us by virtue of having a mind. And this is what I’d take as yet another great reason to understand the importance of ensuring that we don’t allow ourselves to feed our mind fixations and experiences more, otherwise when a person stops questioning these supposed ‘needs’ or ‘fixations’ or ‘preferences’ ends up justifying the worst of actions that maim and torn lives apart.

This is a process of facing, understanding, walking through and yes, at times becoming aware of very gruesome realities that exist as part of what is here as well – not nice, not pretty, but it is also useless to become angry or hate back or blame back. Reacting to it, judging it is futile – and in my case I had to face the point of letting go of wanting to know ‘the reason why’ anyone could do such things, and instead focus on what needs to be changed and stop getting lost in a rabbit hole of ‘why, why, but why? Or ‘how could they?’ or ‘what is in it for them?’

See whenever being stuck in a ‘why’ and wanting to understand the ultimate reasons for stuff, if we cannot see a direct answer to it in a moment or upon basic Self-investigation, then one simply can acknowledge how this that we see is creating a negative consequence, a problem, a reaction needs to be stopped, changed, understood to the point I am able to understand what I need to change/what I need to take responsibility for within myself – and so as humanity –  without getting ‘lost in the information rabbit hole’ and then commit myself to stand as the solution and change.

This means asking myself how can I take that point back to myself to change my relationship to, for example, energetic experiences, see where am I using/abusing something in the name of an experience and only focusing on that disregarding that which I may use or abuse in the name of it. And we would be astounded to see the amount of living beings we do this too, and would this mean that I now have to bash and punish myself for realizing I am also equally creating consequence every moment that I am alive? Nope, been there and done that and it leads to further blackmailing myself into ‘depression mode’, feeling ‘bad’ or ‘disgusted’ or ‘sickened’ about the whole thing and continuing to ignore the essential fact here that I CAN take responsibility for and that is to change the relationship to energetic experiences within myself, change the relationship to my mind, to stand as the directive principle in my life, in my body and focus on the creation of myself as the person and being that I realize I want to be for myself and others in this world.

Focusing too much on the problem, trying to find the ‘ultimate causes’ is no different to recreating the same problem over and over again, because no focus, no breath of life is being given in the name of life itself, in the name of self-responsibility to one’s life and that of others, in the name of standing as the correction oneself. And this is one point that I am committing to because as many other people I’ve known, it’s easy to get lost in the information threads and forget asking ourselves ‘where do I stand in this? What can I personally do to take responsibility for this existing in myself as well?’ which is an essential set of questions that would take us all back to working with what we CAN change, which is ourselves.

We can’t change the manifested consequences of all the atrocities that we are becoming aware of now, even more so if they have existed for longer than most of our lives together and we cannot just hide in disgrace and pretend it doesn’t exist either – it’s about understanding it, becoming aware of it, but not getting ‘hooked’ in it either in an attempt to ‘do justice’ by blaming others, hating back, or ‘doing justice on our own hand’ through fighting back or hurting more beings… no, this is about self-understanding and self-realization, rather taking these vile examples of our human nature as one plus reason to change within ourselves, and that doesn’t require loads of data and information and gruesome details that may end up being more counterproductive for the masses – instead one can decide to no longer ‘fuel’ the same problem in an attempt to ‘understand it’ – but instead directly step into the creation of solutions, and that begins with each one of us to realize that punishing others doesn’t do a thing to ‘do justice’ to what is done, to that which is irreversible at this point.

We can only learn to prevent this by learning how to live with our minds and our experiences at an emotional and feeling level in a supportive manner. This is what needs to be taught at home from birth and then in schools or through parents that can be prepared enough to be parents – possibly evaluated to ensure that each child that comes into this world can be born into a sound environment, with sound of mind parents and a true understanding and living example of what it means to be living words for a betterment of humanity as a whole. As you can see, doing this will take time, but it’s not impossible, we’re starting already, don’t leave yourself behind:

Join in:

 

 

Essential self understanding and support available at Eqafe.com

 

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399. What is Missing in this World for Real Change?

The Necessity of Living by Principles

Throughout these past 6 and a half years I have embarked myself to understand more about the reality that I live in and that I most certainly was blinded from to be able to understand. Looking back and ‘putting the pieces together’ many of us – if not everyone and some simply don’t like to give ‘much thought’ into it – actually KNOW there is something profoundly wrong or ‘missing’ in our lives and this world. Yes, I also sought answers in some greater purpose, even in some divine and rather metaphysical concepts that I would simply hold on to because it remained as a comfortable lie that I ‘made sense of’ because it was comfortable and really not that challenging either, it was all about waiting and hoping in fact. But, the reality is that this was all the knowledge trap covered at all ‘fronts’ in the reality we live in to not EVER look in the most obvious place, the one that has always been here and that we have blatantly missed while ‘seeking truths’ or ‘seeking ourselves’ out there somewhere else: ourselves.

We are in fact living in a crucial time in our lives where the truth is being revealed behind the Veils to genuinely see the principle that has ruled us all thus far: Evil as the reverse of LIFE. I understand this might be rather an uncomfortable truth but for me it was actually the most supporting thing I could ever do, to be willing to understand that our actual nature as human beings is not that of benevolence, dignity, integrity, solidarity, love or else – and we have the blatant proof of that which is our world which we tend to reduce to a power-hunger game missing out the clue of where it all started in the first place, which is within ourselves, our very nature from which the rest of the world-system as we know it and the way we have enslaved each other to be masters and slaves has in fact emerged from: our own necessity to be controlled and to have such controllers, just because we have abdicated our power all along.

Throughout this process I have worked with – and continue to work on – being able to uncover/dis-cover my true potential that I had sedated and suppressed within personalities, ideas, beliefs of myself of which now I can look back and understand why so many of us still fear to ‘come to the front’ and speak up. Well, for reference of that you can read this blog site you’re on at the moment, I can only briefly say that there’s a massive de-brainwashing to be done in order for us to genuinely start recognizing the Power we all have and yes, ‘power’ as in our ABILITY and CAPACITY to direct ourselves to precisely ‘be the change that we want to see in the world’ which is not a positive-thinking mentality, this IS the Actual Process that it will take for us to genuinely change the foundation of the current ‘world-system’ that we see so ‘far’ from ourselves, not realizing that its very foundation exists/relies and solely exists in the intricacy of every single Though, Emotion and Feeling participation wherein we Allow ourselves to be Governed by the MIND, which is a preprogrammed Consciousness system in which we have only existed as fuzzy-logic survival-mode organic robots from which we have always only learned how to equate our OWN benefit and survival – but never ever learned how to genuinely start consider HOW we affect others with our decisions, our actions, our thoughts.

 

We have beseeched for ‘clues’ for ‘saviors,’ for a ‘good president’ to come and be our MESSiah, well, yes we have gotten ourselves only further down the rabbit hole because we haven’t yet understood one very basic principle: this world wasn’t founded upon the mercy of any god, it is actually ruled by our collective irresponsible ways that have created the reverse of life and as such it is to understand that: Nothing will change unless, I Change, unless We All make a stand and Change within ourselves and so the change in the without will be an outflow of this starting point which is Self-Change.

This is how we bring it all Back to Self and see, ok so what have we been Missing all along? What have we been Dissing all along? Living Principles – look at our culture! It’s plagued with vices, violence, revering death and destruction, consumerism, laziness, apathy, insanity, greed, power, sexual depravity, psychological abuse and the initiation of children to this great Consumerist CULTure wherein we have done everything but learning and fomenting ways of how to Honor ourselves as Living Beings –  that is Nowhere to be found!  not within parental education, in schools, in media, in arts, in politics, in religion, nowhere! Everywhere we have tainted ourselves with the same ILLusions of feelings as benevolence, feeling ‘good’ for doing some charities or believing that to Love Humanity means to ‘wish well’ for everyone, without even realizing why we have had the need to create such words as Love that imply only a fluttering experience in your stomach as a sign that Energy is all that we have in fact become within ourselves and toward another – but not life.

Everywhere I have researched and sought for answers, for a genuine structure of change I only have found further polarized solutions like thinking positively all day and deny ‘all the bad’ in your mind, seeking revenge to ‘the powers that be,’ changing personalities, doing some charity work here and there, be all nice and smiley and hope for better times to come or accept reality ‘as is’…. well, seriously, where are we pretending to get ourselves with that? Nowhere, of course as it’s all based on characters, ideas, self-presentations of ‘who we are’ toward OTHERS and so once again, missing out Who? Ourselves.

We require to have the actual guts and courage to develop some self-honesty along with having a directive structure and understanding of how it is that through one individual making a decision to stand AS and be Consistent and Congruent on the decision to Live by Principles, we become an Actual Revolution in this world, one that has Never existed before because we have always sought ‘solutions’ in the pre-fabricated Hegelian mentality of Thesis-Antithesis and creating the marvelous polarized and prefabricated upgrade of Synthesis. This has been our problem, still thinking within the same MIND-Construct and framework with which we have Created the problems in the same place.

Time to get OUT of the BOX as that’s where the illusion exists, that’s where we are governed by ideas, beliefs, fears, feelings and emotions, history, world-system constructs that we have obediently followed to the T out of fear.

Thinking OUT of the Box implies Living by Principles, doing exactly what you won’t see advertised on the TV, what Isn’t a ‘fashionable trend’ in the media and entertainment,, what would make you feel deeply uncomfortable in the first phases of implementing this as it IS in fact about getting out of our comfort zone, out of the comfort of fears, of resistance to change, or fearing to actually have to step Out of the Box  where we have become obedient slaves and have come to adore as our prison, our own mind – Nothing and no one else but ourselves will cure our Stockholm Syndrome but ourselves.

So, this is why I have decided to walk the process of Living by Principles, where I have come to realize that I must ‘search no further’ for answers, but that the answer exists and resides within me, within the volition to actually become the point of change I sought outside of myself.

Hereby I commit myself to live by the following principles that represent me and many more around the world that have taken this oath to themselves in Equality, as the necessity of recognizing our actual power and so living it for the benefit of everyone in this world and existence, in Equality AS Life.

 

Join us if you agree it’s about time we Think Outside The Box

 

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The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

1.       Realizing and living my utmost potential

2.       Living by the principle of what is best for all – guiding me in thought, word and deed to always in all ways direct problems to the best possible outcome for all

3.       Living by the principle of self honesty – to ensure I am pure in thought, word and deed: that my within and without is equal and one. Who I am within is who I am without and vice-versa

4.       Self Purification through Writing, Self Forgiveness and Self Application – the action of realizing I am responsible for my own thoughts, words and deeds, to forgive myself for transgressions and change myself to ensure I Take Responsibility for who, what and how I am and through this know that I can trust myself to always be honest with me and so others

5.       Living the principle of Self Responsibility – realizing only I am responsible for what I accept and allow inside of me, my relationships and my outside world and so with this responsibility: only I have the power and ability to change that which I see is compromising who I am, what I live and how this affects others

6.       Realizing that who I am in thought, word and deed affects not only myself – but others as well and so with Self Responsibility in thought, word and deed – I take responsibility for myself and so my relationships to be Self Aware in every moment  and live in such a way that is best for me and so others as well

7.       Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be Self Honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

8.       With taking responsibility for myself, becoming aware of myself – take responsibility and become aware of others in my life, to assist and support them as I am assisting and supporting myself – to give as I would like to receive and do the extra bit every day to see where I can contribute to other’s lives and so my own

9.       Living the principle of self trust – as I commit myself to remain constant in my living of self honesty, self responsibility and self awareness, I stand as an unbending trust that I always in all ways know who I am no matter what I face and that in this I know, as proven in the constancy of my living that I will always honor and stand by what is best for all and so best for me

10.    Making Love Visible – through me not accepting/allowing anything less than my utmost potential, I support those in my life to reach their utmost potential, to love them as I have shown love to myself by gifting to me my utmost potential, the best life/living experience and show others as I have shown myself what it means to LIVE

11.    No one can save you, save yourself – the realization that the tools and principles of Desteni is the guide, but I must walk the path myself. We are here to assist and support each other in this process from Consciousness to Awareness/LIFE and what it means to live – but the process itself, where you are alone with yourself in your own Mind: is walked alone

12.    Not waiting for anything or anyone to take responsibility for me and this world – but that I realize I have created who and how I am in this moment, therefore I have the responsibility to change who and how I am and so the realization that we as a collective created how and what this world is today and so it is the responsibility of the collective to change how and what this world is today

13.    Honoring the life in each person, animal – everything from the great to the small of Earth, that we expand our awareness and responsibility to creating the best possible life for everyone and everything and so ourselves

14.    Relationships as Agreements: individuals coming together using agreements as a platform to one-on-one expand, grow and develop as individuals in life and living to support/assist each other unconditionally to reach their utmost potential where the agreement is a coming together of individuals understanding what it means to stand as equals and to stand as one

15.    Sex as Self Expression – where sex is an united expression between individuals in honor, respect, consideration and regard of each other as equals, two physical bodies uniting in equality and oneness – a merging of two equals as one physically.

16.    Realizing that by the virtue of me being in this world – my responsibility does not only extend to my own Mind / my own Life, but to the minds and lives of everything and everyone of this earth and so my commitment is to extend this awareness to all of humanity to work together and live together to make this world heaven on earth for ourselves and the generations to come

17.    I must in my thoughts, words and deeds – but most importantly in my Living Actions, become a Living Example for others in my world that is noticeable and visible when it comes to the potential of a person to change themselves and so change their world. So that more people can realize how we can change this world, by standing united in our self change within the principle of what is best for all to bring heaven to earth

18.    I am the change I want to see in me and my world – to bring heaven to earth is to bring into being, into living the LIVING PROOF of a PRACTICAL HEAVEN that can be seen and heard in our actions and words. We are the Living Heaven that must come into creation in this Living World.

19.    Through purifying my thoughts, words and deeds – my inner becomes my outer, so I bring into creation me as heaven into earth, realizing it is not enough to ‘see the change / be the change’ – for change to become REAL it must be a constant, consistent living of me through the words I speak and the actions I live visible and noticeable to all in every moment of breath

20.    Realizing that my physical body is my temple – my physical body is the living flesh through which and in which I will bring into being and create / manifest heaven on earth as me in my thoughts, words and deeds and so I honor, respect and regard – nurture and support my physical body as I would nurture and support me as equals: my body is me

21.    We are the change in ourselves and this world we have been waiting for: and so I commit to dedicate myself and my life for each one as all to realize this, as nothing will change if we don’t change in all that we are, within and without

22.    The realization that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

23.    The realization that for me to be able to contribute to change in this world – I have to get to ‘know thyself’ as this world and so commit myself to research, investigate and introspect the inner and outer workings of this world and align the systems of today to present and give the best possible life for all on Earth

 

Stop Waiting

 

Investigate who we are as a group of people committed to take responsibility for ourselves and so become the foundation for a new world in Equality.


392. Why are Emotional Relationships a Fuckup?

Continuing from:

 

“So the disillusionment with arts have to do with My Own expectations about it. How I thought that this was ‘the way’ to change the world and of course I didn’t follow through with ‘becoming an artist’ in the traditional sense which I then perceived as myself already ‘opting out’ of it all and seeing the sheer idea of dedicating myself to ‘create art’ as utterly selfish, without realizing how much I had desired ‘that’ to be my reality before. I’ve also been recently sharing about these points with people, explaining how I’m not proud of the decisions I made earlier on in my life and how I would not recommend anyone to study arts. I do however not say ‘don’t study arts’ but simply place my own expectations, my own experience, my decision to do something else and how such studies were a nice platform but not real tools that I can apply to what I am doing now.” From 387. The Love/Hate Relationship with Art

 

Nostalghia

 

Facing Myself, my Relationships through the Relationship with Art

I suggest to read:  What does it Mean to Have a Relationship with Oneself? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 608 by Andrew Gable

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationships based on emotions and feelings wherein it doesn’t matter whether it is arts or a person or a responsibility or a place, the moment that I create emotional and feeling attachments to places/people/objects/professions then I begin creating my own trap through definitions based on what I believe that ‘I like’ and what I believe is ‘my thing’ based on nothing else but emotions, feelings, experiences that I went attaching toward something/someone over time, and then believing that I am in fact all of these experiences, emotions and feelings in relation to something or someone, without realizing that such experiences cannot define what such something or someone is in fact, as it is all entirely self-created, it is me-myself that has created this experience within me.

Within this premise, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately automate the words ‘my relationship to/with something/someone’ being defined as an experience that I have built toward something or someone instead of the actuality of how I participate, interact with, communicate with /through something or someone and within that realizing that any experience that I create is entirely my own and has nothing to do with that something or someone but myself at all times.

Therefore I realize that the projections upon ‘art’ is in fact the experience that I have created toward the who I was within that time of my life when I chose to study art and that If I were to place myself within that same frame of mind 7 years ago, I would probably still go for that choice in life, which means that it is a decision I made entirely based on what I wanted to experience and who I wanted to be as a personality, an ego and satisfy my drive that I went building up throughout time to ‘make it’ within the art world – so this point I have opened up before however now I am able to see that it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself, I’ve made of art the excuse to project my own judgments toward my decisions, the way that I established relationships toward this something that I ‘built myself’ around, and as such because I realized I could not continue constructing myself as ‘an artist’ within the initial ideals I had, then I acted in spite and begun regretting and embarrassed by my choices in life as I see them as ‘useless’ without realizing that I was actually reacting at all the various others things I did in my life throughout that time of which I cannot be proud of either and that I cannot certainly recognize as ‘myself’ any longer so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the relationships that I built with people and with specifically my career as ‘arts’ which in fact reflect all the choices in my life, the people that I chose to surround myself with and that I cannot really judge myself for who I was back then as back then I had no awareness of the points I am aware now.

So I realize that I have to stop being ‘hard’ on myself based on this hidden-experience of having ‘the past haunting me,’ and so be able to finally let go of it as I do not have to re-enact this kind of shame or embarrassment about myself, my past relationships, my emotionally-driven decisions in life because it is to realize that back then I didn’t know any other way – and so instead I am grateful to be able to be here writing myself, having deviated from ‘the path’ that I had initially chosen as god knows where the hell I would be if I had followed through my ‘lifestyle’ and the relationships I built around the same ego and personality that I was. I rather see and recognize that I’ve definitely moved on from that phase of my life, but! Also realizing that every time that I create an experience toward any memory, any relationship, any past choice including my decision to study arts, I recreate the entire network of ‘the who I was’ in my past and as such I continue enslaving myself to those relationships and only fuel the negative experiences that are the opposite polarity to the initial positive experiences that I used to build my relationships with people and with the profession/career I was veering myself toward.

And within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to follow the usual pattern within the mind which is ‘dissing’ something once that one has squeezed the last drop of positive experience out of it, which means that once that it ‘served me’ and ‘its purpose’ and I’ve hit the ground back into reality about it and I am no longer seeing visions based on emotional and feeling experiences, then I go into the opposite polarity of talking bad about it and feeling righteous within that, without realizing that it is only the predetermined and rather predictable outcome from an initial positive experience that I created with such ‘passion’ about it that when the whole experience was no more, I ‘dropped’ down to the bottom and the opposite – so it happened just like a typical relationship wherein people first get in love with each other and as time progress and the energy runs dry, they part ways and talk shit about each other, so that’s what I did toward ‘art,’ and I didn’t even realize it because to me it was so right that it hadn’t fulfilled my expectations that I believed I had ‘the right’ to feel that way about it, without seeing the obvious: it was a feeling, an emotion, a judgment that came from nothing else but the ‘who I was’ toward art and so, within this ‘dissing’ recreating my past relationship to art over and over again – trapping myself in my own past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form emotional relationships toward what I deemed as ‘my career’ or ‘my path’ which in this case was art/being an artist and within this allow a physical process to become a rather emotionally driven relationship, similar to those that I’ve walked with individuals wherein there are a lot of feelings and emotions attached to something/someone that I want to hold onto and when the relationship is no more, such dependency then turns into a ‘lack’ of this fulfillment gotten from something or someone and as such, it turns into a form of bitterness ‘toward something or someone,’ without realizing that this all is really not about ‘art’ in itself or the people in my past relationships or else, it’s about myself and how I created relationships of dependency upon others in order to ‘satisfy me’ or ‘complete me’ or give me some kind of experience to which I could define myself, build myself, construct and upgrade myself as the ego that I was wanting to be within the ‘who I am’ as a professional artist as well as within the relationship formed in relation to who I am as an artist and in relationship to others.

 

Therefore I realize that the best way to follow through with this is to entirely let go of my experiences toward my past specifically and so be able to give myself back to myself as being able to focus on what is here, what I am working with, what I am developing as myself and also to align my relationship to art and be able to enjoy it, visiting museums or read about it, hear it, interact with it without loading the entire experience of ‘going to the museum’ and defining myself according to that any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in the past few years and whenever I would talk about some forms of contemporary art become infuriated and a bit angry about what I defined as being utterly selfish and self-centered and ‘useless’ to the problems that I was then realizing were ‘much more important than that’ – and in this, I still agree that there are more important points in life than some kinds of art that are merely conceptual and contemplative and ‘useless’ as a tool to create practical solutions to the world – however, this obviously doesn’t justify the fact that I’ve been spiteful and holding this love-hate relationship to it, and within this only fueling an inner conflict of still being interested in or curious about the current art forms that are emerging while at the same time judging it as useless so here

I had considered myself to feel bitter about art

art-should-be

Bitter: causing pain or unhappiness. Feeling or showing angry hurt or resentment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bitter about art as in becoming resentful toward it and toward the people that create it, not realizing that I had exactly done the opposite for a prolonged period of time which is why the inner conflict arose in the first place, all based on me wanting to make of art the quintessential human experience and making it the most ‘honorable profession on Earth’ or so, and so believing that being an artist was the same or similar thing as to say I was chosen by god and/or touched by god, so in essence a lot of delusions of grandeur that I created within me and that I projected toward art. So, this bitterness as in being angry, resentful, dissatisfied toward art has to do with me having to let go of my own desires/hopes/dreams related to me becoming an artist. So once again, it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself but the expectations and experiences I created toward it and so, when realizing I had to stop pursuing my mind any further and only feeding my ego, that’s when the opposite relationship came up.

When and as I see myself feeling bitter about any form of art that I may see, read about or even people that create art and discuss their work – I stop and I breathe, I ensure that I am not tensing my physical body and experiencing that bolt of energy within me wanting to ‘let them know the truth about their creation’ which is in fact nothing else but me wanting to ‘express’ through reaction, as if I had ‘the truth’ within myself and so within this actually becoming nothing more than an ego that wants to be recognized for ‘my new position’ which is not really supportive but only a packet of resentment, judgments and overall bitterness toward that which I once praised.

I realize that this all comes from how much the entirety of ‘my world’ and ‘myself’ that I deemed as ‘real’ and ‘genuine’ were in fact not, so this whole relationship with art I remember very well was the first initial ‘big hit’ that I took when understanding who we are as the mind, as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system and that the thing I feared losing the most was the personality I had created through/as art and having chosen that path for myself, which is why that initial big fear of loss about this self-definition had such a ‘big impact’ in the aftermath, wherein I allowed myself to not be entirely self-directive toward art but instead then create the opposite polarity and so still participating within the mind. And this came through even though I believed I was ‘well over with it,’ only to test out not long ago that there were still reactions coming through the more ‘artistic’ documentaries I would watch and wanting to ignore the reactions to it until I simply believed that I had to ‘speak my mind’ about it – and yes, it was ‘my mind’ and a till here no further to when and as I see myself questioning or asking another about their creation from the starting point of the ‘bitter drop-out of an artist’ that I became in my mind, and so stop defining myself based on the choices of the past and focus on communicating or creating a dialogue based on what we can learn from it, what can be useful to understand our human condition or even innovate and take points to be creative in the ways that I can support myself and others through this process while using art as a supportive tool for it, without endowing it the entire ‘duty’ of ‘changing the world’ in itself, which as I’ve previously discussed, it’s impossible.

When and as I see myself wanting to create an experience of spite or disdain and bitterness toward ‘art’ and seeing it as useless or pointless while at the same time being curious about it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that both the negative and positive experiences are only re-creations of the ‘who I was’ in the past as an art-lover and then the who I became as the anti-thesis of that which was pretty much being very critical toward art within a negative context, and so I simply stop, breathe and observe/interact with it without creating any experience but rather seeing it objectively for what it is. And this is the challenge really because I had cult-ivated the experiences attached to works of art and becoming emotional about it, which I also learned from books at the same time. So I realize that all of my emotions and feelings are in fact nothing else but knowledge and information that I’ve translated into energetic experiences that serve no purpose for me to interact with something or someone.

 

I commit myself to be able to be here as breath while witnessing performances, watching/visiting museums or art galleries and also to remain here as breath when getting too excited about seeing something because that’s also once again recreating the same pattern of the visual vicious – which I’ve talked about extensively of – and so realize it’s just images, it’s just pictures, it’s just a part of reality and the only way I can ‘react’ to something is if I ‘load’ all my past-definitions in order to react based on memories and the knowledge that I had built around art and the ‘who I am’ toward art. So I can practically simply stop those past definitions and focus on reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read about the Stendhal syndrome in some book and consider that I would get this kind of experiences such as seeing ‘the sublime’ and mostly images that would depict the end of the world, which is why I focused myself so much on depicting the end of the world and getting a kick out of it, and believe that these emotions were ‘normal’ to me and that I had all the right to ‘express them’ but, the reality is that it was all a self-created experience and that there was no ‘magic’ or ‘real connection’ to painting or anything like that which I believed was something ‘special’ within me. Therefore I realize that these experiences were pretty much all created within my desperate need to ‘feel something’ because I had deemed the ability to ‘feel’ as in becoming emotional as special, as sensitive, as ‘unique’ in a human being – and so I created my own web of experiences according to how I would see others would feel and so mimic it, read books that were very emotional and then going determining what I would find as ‘emotional’ and what I would like to experience and so integrate as part of the ‘who I was’ as the characters that I read about and that I eventually wanted to create for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made of past relationships as something conflictive and filled with ‘turmoil’ inside my mind as I realize that this was also part of the definition of who I wanted to be as a very sensitive person in order to be able to have stories to tell or talk about, as I believed that I had to suffer to make any real art. Therefore, I realize that any experience I created toward something or someone wasn’t part of reality as such, but entirely self created in my mind. Within this, I realize that also in my relationships the experiences I created about others were never ‘real’ as such, but only the plethora of experiences and definitions I created upon them – that’s why once the energy ran dry and seeing the individuals or situations that I was in within my life with sober eyes and frame of mind, the ‘truth’ of myself and the interactions with others/something came through as it is.

 

So a way to redefine a relationship it is to first of all no longer define tit through/as an emotion or feeling, something that we believe is ‘real’ in the mind based on memories, ideas, beliefs, past experiences that we then make real as our preference, as that which ‘we want,’ without taking physical reality into consideration.

Therefore an emotional relationship will always end up as a ‘fuck-up’ if it is not aligned to physical reality wherein I can stand as an individual that first of all ponders what it is that I sought in my relationship with something/someone that I believed I didn’t have myself, alone – and so realize that whichever I was expecting to get from ‘art’ or someone in my life were and had been all points of separation, illusions that I believed were unable to be experienced within me. So this is how the best way to create a relationship with someone or something is to ensure that it is seen through the eyes of physical reality, where no emotions, feelings, no past experiences, no ideals, wants, needs or desires become a decisive factor in terms of defining who I am toward others, as all I have to consider is myself and within doing that I can then interact with something/someone based on the principles that I can integrate within myself, as the relationship that I want to establish for myself so that no matter what I do, where I am, with who or alone, I remain stable, supporting myself, getting to know about others in the relationships formed with my reality, recognizing myself as one and equal with them, instead of seeing them as points to ‘fulfill me’ or things/experiences that I believed I lacked.

I realize that it’s been supportive to revisit this aspect of ‘my relationship to art’ to review my state of affairs in relation to other relationships based on emotions in the past, and so to focus on preventing further ‘fuckups’ as the ups and downs and polarity relationships of ‘love and hate’ as that is all of the mind –  instead there are more physical aspects and perspectives to consider here as well.

Life on Earth in itself is built through relationships, so I cannot define relationships only as personal relationships with something or someone, but rather realize that we are all made of and constantly require and exist as relationships that define the way we live in our world – therefore the more we are able to act, participate and be part of these relationships in a physical and common sensical manner without being driven by desires, hopes, dreams, fantasies and illusions, the more we will be able to begin changing the focus of our reality – from the distraction that emotional relationships are to a rather physical process of aligning ourselves to that which enables our coexistence in the best possible manner – no feelings/emotions required for that, no special relationships but rather the equalization and realization of who I am as this interdependence

 

to be continued…

Mechanical Heart 06

 

To learn more about how to establish proper Relationships suggest the Re-defining Relationships – Agreement Course  as well as:


330. Consumer Rehab in Equal Money Capitalism

 

Continuing from:

307. CapitalismUS: Pursuit of Happiness

308. Might Makes Right: CapitalismUS

 

 

 

Problem                                                                 

 

The alienation of the spectator to the profit of the contemplated object (which is the result of his own unconscious activity) is expressed in the following way: the more he contemplates the less he lives; the more he accepts recognizing himself in the dominant images of need, the less he understands his own existence and his own desires. The externality of the spectacle in relation to the active man appears in the fact that his own gestures are no longer his but those of another who represents them to him. This is why the spectator feels at home nowhere, because the spectacle is everywhere.  – Guy Debord, The Society of the Spectacle [1]

 

Soft Imperialism by Culture and MediaContinuation

  • Creating needs in people, tell them consuming is  ‘what life is all about’ and you get a certain market that will live a devoted life to praise consumption and reduce life to a series of experiences that end the moment a new trend comes out, a new experience to buy, a new gadget to wear and upgrade one’s image of  success worn as clothes, accessories, shoes, cars, pictures of being having the ‘great life’ – but, deep inside there is a strong sense of alienation that is  difficult to look from ‘outside’ because it is virtually everywhere as part of ‘who we are’ and the identities we become, which are the byproduct of the same profitable society that breeds consumers, not living beings.

 

  • Trading our goods and services has nothing o do with the cult of the image that we have built around consumerism, it is necessary to realize that our lives cannot be determined by the amount of experiences we have, how many ‘valuable objects’ we own, because these are all the values that keep the same system running, wherein our needs and desires are shaped in the image and likeness of celebrities that we seek to mimic and adopt as our own identity. That’s the configuration of our society and that’s why Debord emphasizes that we feel ‘at home’ nowhere, because the spectacle is everywhere, and everyone buys into it.

 

The spectacle within society corresponds to a concrete manufacture of alienation. Economic expansion is mainly the expansion of this specific industrial production. What grows with the economy in motion for itself can only be the very alienation which was at its origin. (Debord, 1967)

 

  • What we grow every time we buy is our self-image built around the cult of what we own, how we look, what we choose as our ‘lifestyle.’ This alienation is not only existent toward that which we buy, having no idea how it is produced and where it will end once we’re ‘done’ with it – we get alienated from the very physical reality that we are as our physical body. We’ve made of our flesh and bones an Image that we seek to Adapt according to the images on billboards, creating eating disorders and self image obsessions that occupy a being’s entire life where even if food is not consumed, the image seeking pretty much consumes the being alive, making of an internal conflict a time-consuming entity that leads us to be absolutely unaware of reality, but only exist in the glorious self interest of me-my-image-and-myself.

 

  • The consumer culture is the greatest form of degradation that we have faced as  humanity, because it stopped being a momentary form of distraction a few hours a day or a momentary treat after a hard day of work, it’s become who we are and how we behave and  have shaped our values, beliefs, morals, relationships according to these  Images that are upgraded every season. This means that: you have to buy NEW things every time to be ‘up-to-date’ in a society that believes it is important to  have a fresh look and  identity according to mass-media trends and ensure you are ‘upgraded’ and follow what your social tribe of preference dictates to buy every other season – this has become ‘mandatory’ if you don’t want to face marginalization for not being ‘cool enough’ to have enough money to Buy new things on a constant basis. 

 

  • Children are taught to seek love, money and superhero traits – teenagers learn to be disillusioned about  a world that has nothing to do with the fantasy presented in movies and videogames, new heroes representing the ideal lifestyles of perfectly tailored models that become ‘the voice of a generation’ emerge as depressive-and-on-meds type of figures that values more spending time feeling a constant need for ‘something’ and seeking it surfing in the net, consuming drugs, buying, drinking, gossiping, playing with gadgets rather than enjoying physical interaction with each other to learn how to live in the first place.
  • What’s the common denominator here? People seek experiences generated in the idleness of our sedentary lives that require constant updates of personal computers, phones, more and bigger flat screen TVS that constantly imprint the images we want to become. But, who has decided to present this to us? It is only in the benefit of those that sell the products that we get to ‘choose’ what we desire. Entertainment would not be an industry if the prefab images shown on TV weren’t available for sale.

 

  • We can see the pattern already: the main problem is our constant desire to Experience –  the world revolves around this. There would be no point to buy, consume, visit places and eat up stories to make us feel good.  We have diminished ourselves to a collection of experiences, memories, people that we believe are important to us for what they make us feel. Who benefits from this? Everyone that is able to create the perfect setting, the perfect stage for such ‘insta-moments,’ the perfect drug-drink to consume, the greatest clothes to wear, the greatest cars to show off, the most benefits that only a few can afford – which makes it even More special and exclusive.
  • We live to praise our self-images that determine how valuable we are at the eyes of everyone else – is it? Or have we just become an illusion to such an extent that we cannot even get to question how we got ourselves into this insatiable state of consumption, leading us to a life of constant energy fixed desires, becoming drug addicts, sex  addicts, TV junkies, celebrity gossipers, government bashers, economy illiterates, freedoms seekers and god seekers, getting high and jumping off balconies to challenge ‘the system’ and make a general anthem of ‘Ignorance is Bliss’ as the road to walk for the next generations to come. 

    How long can we keep this show running?  We have reached the bottom of our downward spiral – how much more repetition can we take?

 

  • Let’s look at our thoughts, see how many of them relate to an experience about who we are, how others see us, what we want to buy next, where we want to be? Were we the creators of these seemingly unstoppable desires? are we the result of the perfect feel good enslavement that is sold to us every time we want to Feel something new? Yes, it is – and we have all fell for it –doesn’t matter ‘who’ you are,  individualization has been made the most important thing that we hold, beyond any common sense of being breathing physical beings.

 

  • The truth is we have never really been ‘ourselves’ because we have only existed as mind systems seeking for energetic experiences that are bottled up, tagged and sold because we desire, hope and need it. We have sold our physical body to the devil, which is the system that we all feed with our desires, the greatest treats that justify a life of slavery, poverty and abuse for a majority,  because we all work to get these bits of heaven in order to numb ourselves from our reality that we ended up victimizing ourselves from, believing that the corporate monster is to blame, instead of looking at the very thinking processes that fuel this entire machinery that is seemingly as unstoppable as our own mind – here I state: it is Only a Belief that it can’t be stopped – We  have to take ourselves to the origin of our thoughts to prove such belief is simply an expensive  delusion.

 

Solution                                                                

The Spectacle Meets Rehab

 

  • Considering practicality/money and necessity over experience, looking if what we want to buy in fact only feeds our ‘self image,’ pursuing the experience of owning something, or who one will be when compared to others that don’t have what we do, and instead look at the facts if one in fact Need what we are about to buy, or if I one is subconsciously buying an character-accessory to store within this personal vault of memories and experiences that we define as ‘who I am.’

    This is a key experiment that I dare everyone reading this to do, and if you are Self Honest which means you don’t ‘fall’ for your desires, you should see a considerable amount of money remaining in your bank account/pocket/ under your mattress, because you will be able to stop yourself and realize that what you are buying is only an Illusion, that it will be a flickering moment just like a match that burns bright and consumes itself to ashes, requiring us to flick another to brighten the same darkness that we have avoided to become: physical stable living beings that do not require an Experience to be alive – think about this this, will generate a Great change in our consumer culture if we integrate this understanding in our day to day living behavior, which will include getting to know How our products are created, where they end up after they are no longer used and the consequential outflows of producing and distributing such products to satisfy our desires, then decide what we can keep and dispose all that only feeds greed.

  • Solutions for isolation with our current gadgetry lifestyles. There is nothing wrong with the techno-advances that we have, but a few considerations are shared here:  once that we realize that we are not images, we’ll spent less time cultivating our fascinations to further specialize the ‘who we are’ as this character/self image toward others, we’ll spend that time developing a relationship with ourselves, to get to know that Self that has only existed as the byproduct of our society, of our parents and the media that filled the ‘void’ in our lives.

    Here we can make it fun to – upon recognizing this prefab/ pre-packaged condition we all kept as ourselves– realize that we can in fact for the very first time in our human existence Decide who we want to be, integrate Values that consider our Equality as Life, living to become a contributor to a social transformation that will remove our spectacle attires, stripping ourselves  to see what remains once that we stop feeding our consumer driven and personality-cult obsessions. A group effort is required for this,each one of us will stand as an example of what it will take to stop being addicted to the mind and learn to appreciate the physical that is what has always been here, that we’ll  learn to trade as a living meaning of giving and receiving in Equality – no more greed for superiority and mind-driven personality fixes.

 

Rewards                                                   

  • Opening up our eyes from the illusion will mean a transformation in our entertainment and ‘variety production’ in this world. Imagine the amount of ‘special items’ dedicated to the cult of self that could be significantly reduced when people stop buying experiences and instead, learn how to invest on supportive items, genuinely enjoyable treats and re-learn how to communicate, share and essentially enjoy each other’s presence beyond the constant up keeping of a Character that we sold to others, in fear of being vulnerable about our real experiences, our questions, our thoughts and fears – we’ll be able to heal a drugged up, shopaholic and self abusive society with the ability to share our ‘Consumer Anonyms’ stories, as well as forgiving our constant competitions and fights over our pet peeves, that have also became necessary religions to idealize the perfect ‘originality’ that everyone sought to attain in our so-called lives.

 

  • We can make the crash and the fall of our mental high, the landing on Earth after the illusion of grandeur a humble experience to learn from each other, to forgive ourselves for having turned this Earth into a massive grave of products chocking animals on Earth an in the sea, bits of junk that once caused us a form of joy, never questioning if we actually needed that or not.

 

  • Consumerism as a disease will be treated at an individual level with the understanding that we have all complied to turn beings into slaves and nature, the animals, plants as assets that became accessories to our ideal prefab characters we sought to be and become. It is the least thing we can do after we have succumbed to a never quenching mind thirst for more, while forgetting that we are, beyond all, physical living beings that Live  and Breathe regardless of what we believe and experience at a mind level. Desire for more, Greed  is the real evil that we have to disintegrate from our core-programming, and we have the support here: Desteni  I Process.

 

 

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

 

 
Freedom is not Free Stuff that Stuffs up the World - Matti Freeman - Equal Money Capitalism

Artwork by Matti Freeman

Sources:

[1]Debord, G. (1967). The society of the spectacle. Retrieved from http://library.nothingness.org/articles/SI/en/display/16

 

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313: Good, Evil and Power

What is good and evil can be shaped according to the morals imposed by the governing power. We can’t trust knowledge to decide what’s best for all, and this is an example of how words can be twisted to justify wars in the name of ‘Saving People’s lives from Evil.’  This is a bit of context in order to get to understand where ‘Rights’ come from as a form of Righteousness that defines what is ‘good’ and ‘bad’ what is ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ to pursue in one’s living condition.

 

Problem:                                                                      

 

Before we begin to disclose what ‘Rights’ are, let’s look at the basic mindset of ‘Good and Evil’ and the role it plays in our current political dispositions.

 

What is Good and What is Evil?

The difference resides in the morality from which both ‘good and evil’ stem from, wherein according to a particular faction or dominant ideology, the individuals will ‘make up their minds’ about what is good and what is evil wherein personal benefits at an individual level or state interests at a system level are guarded, secured and defended. This means that because it is knowledge, it is a mind creation that when it is lived out, it can cause either beneficial outcomes or harm and abuse, just as any word we live out.

Evil is the real Human Nature as the Reverse of Live, that’s the simplest way to describe it, and Good is that which should be Best for All, but Good is not lived as such holistic determination, but instead shaped according to morals of what benefits the individual’s interests without considering such ‘good’ being a common denominator for All participants, due to, once again, knowledge and information as ideologies, idiosyncrasies, religion, culture, etc. All of that which separates the individual from physical considerations of what best for all in fact means, for example an economic system where every person can be regarded with having such right to pursue happiness in Equality, where no one is left out of such unconditional support as part of our Self-Responsibility by virtue of existing Here.

An empirical example is how for Americans it can be a ‘good call’  to wage war on terror, to justify going after potential terrorists or anti-democratic regimes with the banner of installing democracy and universal human rights, which are only a consideration according to what’s good for them and openly disguising imperialistic tactics justified by the ‘Salvation of Foreigners’ which then sounds like a Good thing for people in America to support war and their troops abroad: the invasion is then seen as Benevolent, people will accept war as a means for GOOD and a Benevolent act to ‘Free people from Evil Regimes/dictators’ while using war to do so. This is how  knowledge and information is used to adapt and warp people’s interests to think and believe that it is in their best interest that their military force wages war against ‘regimes’ or potential terrorists that threaten their own security, which is why war is then seen as a ‘defense,’ without realizing that such wars happen to have more civilian casualties, destruction and abuse than any actual defense from an apparent malevolent sovereign or terrorist.

However if we see it from the side of people in Iraq and Afghanistan, what Americans are doing is Evil because they are simply killing their people in order to obtain their territory and resources for further accumulation of power on their side. This is thus how the same act becomes Evil when seen from ‘the others side’ of the coin. However it is the same coin.

The consequences are very real. People dying is the result of countries seeking to broaden their range of influence over other countries to ensure their ability to have power over the territory for economic reasons such as the extraction and siphoning of resources, territorial military purposes, strategic geographic for further military campaigns, etc. It is Imperialism and this is the same mechanism being used by Corporations in our current Capitalist system as well, in the name of progress or further ‘economic renewal’ wherein in the desire for ‘good sales’ and positive numbers in economy, the lives of people that have to work as slaves with a miserable income have to ‘pay the price’ that will make another smile when seeing such a ‘good quality product at such a low price.’ At the eyes of the consumer it is ‘good’ to have affordable items, at the eyes of the worker it is evil to get such an unfair pay for their work. Obviously common sense is that such ‘progress’ is in fact Evil as it is not taking into consideration the lives of Human Beings, but only numbers, sales, and maximizing profit.

Evil is then the manufacturing of actual harm and abuse justified by mind-created needs that seek to obtain ‘power’ through abusing, violating, killing, extorting. And Good has become a way to distort such actual reasons and justifications with labels like ‘liberty’ and ‘justice’ and ‘democracy,’ so that the same actions are justified in the name of the ‘greater well being’ of a country’s populace. However it must be understood as an actual Imperialistic tactic, which is how our system has been funded upon.

 

Solution                                                                            :

What matters is not what can be defined as Evil or Good within our current configuration wherein we’re trapped in loopholes of cultures, traditions, ideologies, religions, languages that are the representation of us seeing more differences within who we are as the mind than common grounds based on physical aspects of who we are as humans, as physical beings living in  a physical world with equal needs. Thus, what matters are the Actions –  how words are Lived-  and not to get caught in morals of ‘right and wrong’ and ‘good and evil’ since I’ve just explained how this can be twisted to suit personal interests. That’s what knowledge does, and that’s why it is an instrument of power that has been used  to abuse, extort and control rather than establishing any common sense, otherwise we would have already transcended such polarization that is existent in every single aspect of our current living reality.

 

Evil is the reverse of life, which is what we as human beings currently exist as since it’s the foundation of the mind that creates knowledge and information to justify its insulate means of requiring friction and conflict to exist. For that we require to dissolve morality on focus on prevention and consequence of what causes common well being and what will disrupt it.

 

 

Rewards:                                                                        

Focusing on the physicality, what is best for all is the way to ensure we stop being ridden by morals as knowledge and information to make up our mind about what is best for all, and instead, ensure we establish practical ways to always act, think and speak in the best interest of all life forms, that’s our responsibility as part of this society and ecosystem until good is what’s best for all – and I mean ALL as Equals in fact.

What’s Best for all can only create a single outcome, real living enjoyment in Equality.

 

This will continue…

For further reference, read  the Equal Money Wiki

 

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264. All I Want to do is Feel Good

 

It’s quite easy to justify our desire to feel good, to escape, to say it is our free will and free choice to live our lives to ‘the fullest’ and call that a ‘living right to live life the way we want to’ and one should respect that, because we are not harming anyone doing so.

 

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

I used to live by these words ‘Live your life and leave me alone with mine’ and I must say it is like having to get down from a ride you are apparently really enjoying, just as we enjoy feeding our feel good experiences at all times in the mind – and within this, it is not that enjoyment is wrong or bad or we should not have a moment of fun, it is what we end up  Only focusing on when having our lives only being ridden through a desire to Just feel good all the time, to have a good time, to have fun, to entertain ourselves, to seek for new and exciting experiences. As anything, excesses or an entire life lifetime only focused on a hedonist lifestyle will certainly lead us to a certain place: death – one could say we will all ‘get there’ but the point is how we are willing to be aware and deliberate of our ‘choices in life’ to live as an hedonist being and decide to ignore reality and our ability to actually do something about it.  

The people that have crossed over can share nothing else but sheer regret for having lived lives hooked up in mind-desires and problems and ‘seekings’ that lead nowhere other than being caught up in the chasing after chasing energetic experiences of ‘fulfillment,’ but never really living.

The desire to feel good/ feel fine and the use of drugs is a common pair that can be justified in various ways, making an ‘honor’ to people in this world that recognize themselves as ‘villains’ and never ever having wanted to be the ‘good guys,’ not realizing either that this physical world and reality is not about taking a ‘side’ and painting oneself either black or white,  is not about being good or bad and feeding each other’s poles of antagonism/ protagonist we have divided our lives in, with obsolete morals that only fuel the separation as the believed sense of freedom derived from ‘doing what one likes/pleases to do,’ wherein there is no actual  inherent desire to  stand as an example of what a living-breathing human being can be, or make things better for oneself and everyone else, but simply deciding Not to live in order to create any form of change in this world – however, what I have found is that people that get to think this way are a consequence of not having been supported unconditionally to prevent them/ourselves from becoming a spitefulness act upon the Earth, and this does not necessarily harming others, but definitely being aware of neglecting reality by one’s will and fulfillment of a sense of contempt toward a world that ‘has never given a damn about you.’

 

Even if people can claim this is not the starting point for seeking such feel good experience, it is well known at Desteni how all positive experiences have a negative starting point: a constant ‘feel good’ experience actually stems from the constant self experience of living in fear, petrification, anxiety, remorse, guilt, mind trips and everything else we have defined as ‘bad/negative,’ leading ourselves to go into a quest to become the exact opposite, never quite understanding how we have lead ourselves to such a point of ‘carelessness’ and whose life we are really disregarding this way.


This is about understanding what one can also justify at all times with various excuses like deciding to simply live a life of enjoyment, having fun, having a good time, getting in touch with one’s most beloved habits, there is no ‘pursuing’ other than the energetic experience and visualization of one’s mind as something ‘better’ than reality, and then we dare to defend that as a living right, yes, a right to abuse ourselves even if the abuse is not seen at first sight: this is the real ignorance, what goes on beyond what our eyes can see is the reality that we have never ever been aware of, a reality we are trying to evade but also use as an excuse to defend ‘our right to abuse’

“Respect my Culture.
Respect my
Choices.
Respect my Faith.
Respect my Rights as a Parent.
Respect my Opinion.
Respect my Diversity.
Respect my Right of
Free Choice.
Respect my
Sexual Orientation.
All these Forms of Respect would Immediately be Gone once the Person Understand, in Detail, HOW they Create this through the Mechanics of the Mind and
See that All of these Forms of Respect are In Fact Illusions.” – Bernard Poolman *

 

Ask yourself: is this ALL that I want for myself? Have I really made the choice to only live this way? I am pretty sure that anyone defending their point will say ‘yes,’ however as one can realize, all our decisions are influenced by our ‘role in the game’ that we have called life, and I am pretty sure that at this stage from the poorest person to the richest one seeks a form to escape and evade reality in one way or another, and this is why we go back to the main point as always: we seek to evade ourselves, our mind, our past, our entire set of rotten corpses that we have believed we can only hide and run away from through using/ consuming/ buying/ chasing/ experiencing ‘something’ that can give us a different sensation in life – a sensation= a mind experience, and to understand all the choices we’re making in the name of ‘sensation’ is to understand all the motives and reasons we used to justify having lived our lives subsumed in self interest, seeking always/ all the time for the most benefit, the most enjoyment, never a dull moment when living in this constant tripping-mode as a regular drug user does.

I got to see this aspect of ourselves as human beings again, a forgotten one since it is not that easy to find people that are living relatively well, socializing, being overtly expressive yet openly willing to take drugs in order to get these experiences that become a life-style, a seeking for a ‘something,’ or at least I had forgotten what it was to be in that positive-light of mentality and optimism that would cover up quite a great despair that I could only open up after one stops draining one’s experience with any form of mind-drug, habit, addiction or definitive self-talk to believe that ‘there is nothing to worry about, everything is just fine’ and yes, that Bob Marley song comes to mind as it got stuck on sixth grade when I had to learn the lyrics to ‘three little birds’ and I felt quite dumb having to sing along to ‘Singin’: “Don’t worry about a thing, ‘Cause every little thing gonna be all right!” – then got to know Marley as this music god for all weed users and developed a hatred to be honest, due to all the ‘relax and just chill’ type of mentality, it pissed me off, because I actually wanted to live that life, live in a little place outside the city, being happy painting and forgetting about the troubles and being careless about reality, how wonderful! I got a taste of that for a while, it didn’t ease the distress, it only aggravated it- why? Because drugs and anything else we induce ourselves in in order to ‘forget all our troubles and cares’ becomes a suppression, a point that we then have to face no matter what since it means we have decided to deliberately ignore such ‘bad experience’ as our own creation.

So , what I have found is that even if ‘enjoying the ride of life’ becomes an enticing point, I have just proven to myself it is Impossible I could turn my back on life and go back to my ‘old ways,’ fracking hell no. I realized that the commitment we have to live is an ‘abnormal one’ in a society wherein we are all patting our backs for being the greatest cheaters, liars, addicts and careless pieces of mind that can exist. I decided to not be that, even if I could have had all of the opportunities to do so, to become quite a great player in the realms of the ‘intangible’ and be ‘successful’ within such mind-frame, but the lie eventually gets to be too extensive to handle, the lie catches you on fire and  you either burn to ashes to reborn or allow yourself to keep fueling the fire with more airy-fairy ideas that lead you to believe that ‘feeling good’ is all that life is about – limited, very limited, but ostensibly attractive.

Is it too extreme to vow oneself to life the way that we have committed ourselves to as Destonians? No, it is really only having to live in a world of temptation and tame the forces that we have allowed ourselves to be driven by throughout our ‘lives lived’ through the mind. It is to swim against the tide – without opposing/ neglecting or antagonizing – of everything and everyone that points us out to one single thing: just relax, sit back and just chill, do not care about the ‘bad stuff’ and misery, give some charity here and there, try and make poor people’s lives a bit happy for a while, share some of your time with the unfortunate ones and the rest of the time, just ‘enjoy.’


Enjoyment cannot exist as a continues consumption of either drugs or food or sex or any other part of ourselves in our reality that we turn into ‘our new toy’  that we have linked to a ‘max’ experience within ourselves, it is unsustainable. We can only look at our ‘entertainment industries’ to understand what we are deciding to be and become: chill pill consumers in order to just ‘live our lives and never mind the rest.’ Yes, in a tunnel vision reality that makes sense, but soon reality will ‘catch up with us’ and we will most likely have to step down from the fairy-tale mountain with some rough awakenings – is this necessary? We could prevent it, but at this stage the question remains:

“What will it Take to Wake Up People from their Obsession with Respect that Do Not Place Life in Every Way, for Everyone, Always, First?” – Bernard Poolman

 

The problem is how we have definitely blinded ourselves to make it all fine in our minds – money is the primary security that enables us to have fun, to have all we want as an ‘extra’ point of enjoyment and as such, justify such ‘lifestyle’ with working, with retribution somehow to society, not realizing or fully comprehending why it is that every single act and life that is existing here is our equal and one responsibility, because all patterns that lead to the acceptance and allowance of disparity have been blindly accepted from generation to generation. It’s about time we give to each other what we have always wanted to live by, but never thought we could.

 

As for drugs, how can any mind-induced experience become the ‘savior’ to our experiences if it is the very physical body that is being consumed everything we ‘think’ we are ‘making it.’

 

This is about time to be willing to see how unsustainable it is to chase after our implanted dreams or actually be and become the living-dedication of ourselves to LIVE a life of actual enjoyment, which I have defined as a breathing-physically here point of awareness with regards to comfort-ability, and knowing that any justification for ‘how things are’ and believe there was something about us that was unable to be changed – well, it’s time to drive ourselves as consciousness down the road of self-introspection, self investigation leading toward self forgiveness, writing, developing self honesty and common sense to have a perspective of what is real and sound in our reality and who is not.

 

This will continue

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262. Why is Nothing Ever Good Enough?

 

Continuing from

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

From the previous blog

And this is How we got ourselves to create all forms of discomfort with ourselves as a physical body, as a being in this world: we accepted our Thinking as who we are, we accepted our internal conflict/ discomfort/ tormented thoughts as ‘who we are,’ we accepted this emotional distress as ‘who we are,’ we accepted these judgments of emotions and feelings as ‘who I am’  – this is what we have become: a mind-possessed individual by a system that we accepted and allowed ourselves to be/become, a system that reflects that inherent separation from who we are as physical beings.

 

The perks of stopping participation in our thoughts, feelings and emotions is finally establishing a point of stability in the physical wherein we learn how to breathe, learn how we operate as our mind and then realize that it is not necessary to feel or become emotional to be alive, which was one of the greatest fallacies I admit having lived by throughout my life, just like everyone else did as well. Essentially, getting to know how we operate as the mind, understanding how it is a system that runs for and as energy and how we can stop defining our lives according to what goes on in our minds and actually become self-directive as it is one of the key aspects that should be integral to our education from the moment we step into this world.

 

Currently, this entire world-system is designed to support and enhance who we are as the mind, because that is what we believed ‘living’ was about: existing as thoughts, feelings, emotions in order to ‘get somewhere’ and ‘get fulfilled’ somehow, never satisfied, never complete, never good enough unless one would get the greatest job in the world, the greatest partner, the most money to be successful in the world. This energetic drive being taught from the moment your parents teach you what positive reward is and you learn how to compete against others in school, is what becomes the “living principle” for your life: striving to live, fighting to live, doing all you can to achieve your dreams – but, who said such dreams were innate to you? Who said that you have to follow each human being’s dreams that is based upon having a point of superiority in this world compared to everyone else? No one, we just have followed the current and the drive as if it was truly our intention and meaning to do so.

 

Because we did not understand how the mind operates through generating friction and conflict to generate energy – just like you have to stroke two sticks against each other to create fire or create friction on the phosphorus of a match to ignite the flame – anything that we define ourselves as through energy as an experience – emotion or feeling – becomes a point of self interest when we define ourselves according to such experience, later on becoming ‘that which creates a point of pleasure/ turmoil in our minds/ that which we like or enjoy, that which we hate or love’ – all of it only knowledge and information, which is what we then learn how to define ourselves by: our mind, but: where’s the physical body considered in all of this? Are we aware of how we are getting all these thoughts and inner energetic churnings? No, and that’s been the greatest and real secret veiled from our eyes: all energetic experiences represent the point of abuse we have blindly participated in, because we never questioned how the mind worked.

 

But, this self interest is not stemming from a genuine self-experience of seeking happiness, love and bliss, we only look for such ‘positivity’ because of the inherent basic self-experience that exists within the context of the negative. Who creates such instability in our day to day living experience? As explained in the previous blog: as physical beings we don’t require to have a temporary emotional or feeling high to be alive, we are alive the moment that we eat, breathe, relate to others, have a massive reproductive process going on as all our cells and vital processes in our physical body take place as we eat and consume other living beings that enable us to continue alive, we coexist with an innumerable amount of living beings that have a life of their own that is perfectly self-aware of how they co-operate with the rest of the species, environment as an entire ecosystem that functions according to physical laws that enable life to be existent. They are aware, we are not – the reason? Being only seeing reality through the mind that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to define ‘who we are’ as – only – and this has prevented us from ever seeing what is really being consumed in the name of our personal ‘positive experiences’ without ever asking: but Why am I seeking for happiness, love, eternal bliss and enjoyment in the first place?

 

The descriptions we’ve gotten from how the mind operates in the physical can reveal to us one thing: we are really truly only seeing the world of shadows while missing the actual reality that is probably looking like some interdimensional H.R. Giger world that we have conveniently numbed ourselves from seeing/ being aware of at all times. Frightening? Well, if we could see our murky waters contaminated by our own participation in the mind, I’m sure that our depiction of beauty in the outside would be reduced to being a collective hallucination of seeing beautiful paradises in a concrete jungle.  A mirage/ a mirror of the mind that only sees this physical reality according to the knowledge and information that we have trained ourselves to see and react to, just like applications running with other applications: never understanding their own basic code/ programming at all.

 

This is how Life has been reduced to an image, to a good feeling, a nice experience that we collectively fool ourselves to enjoy,  but most of the times it is only us following the same white elephant in our minds that ends up being nothing else but the same old thing that we can feel ‘happy’ about within the idea of who we are as the mind, but this is only for a moment until it runs dry and becomes ‘old’ again, because it no longer creates the same excitement, it becomes something ‘usual’ and all the friction and conflict as fear or desire is simply not there any loner – and what happens here? We start believing that There is Something Wrong with Us, that we are inherently flawed, never fulfilled, never satisfied, always looking for self outside in a relationship, in a certain social position, money, sex, drugs or rock and roll then… what are we exactly fighting for/ aiming at? Have you stopped for a moment to wonder: what are you exactly Doing in your life, what is it for?

 

Life became a jackpot to win, never pondering why I sought to experience ‘More’ than myself – unfortunately I sought for answers, making myself an intellectual junkie that could someday get a meaning for life while missing out every single breath that could power all my emotions and feelings in a desire to someday be something magnificent, great, fulfilled – I bet we all spend our entire lifetimes waiting for our lives to happen and then, nothing comes/ nothing happens awe are just kept searching for meanings and purpose outside of ourselves, building an experience of self loathing, dissatisfaction that oozes through every word we speak, ignoring the reality of ourselves.

 

If who we are as the mind has driven us to where we are now in humanity then what’s really there to lose by deciding to stop following these white elephants in our minds and instead dare to get to know, see and understand how we created such tormenting thoughts in the first place, to common sensically see: okay, I have followed ‘my dreams,’ my desires – where have I truly gotten myself to? Am I supporting myself to become a better human being? Have I become a self directive person within all the daily conversations I hold in my mind?  We all dislike to feel ‘bad’ and ‘down,’ however it is all in our minds: the physical body does not require a mood to function properly, like suddenly needing some drama to digest our food better, or requiring some adrenaline to be able to separate the proteins in order to assimilate them as nutrients for our body – and this is how anything that we Believe we need in order to be ‘alright’ as an energetic experience of either a perceived positive or negative experience, is what becomes an energetic pattern that we become addicted to in order to ‘be alright.’

 

Existing in/as the mind means one will never be good enough, one will never be at peace and ease because the mind thrives on friction and conflict, just like any engine requires to create a spark to generate the combustion that enables movement, and just like an engine requires fuel: we are consuming this physical reality as our fuel due to existing as this never-fulfilled engine that cannot be sustainable, how could it be when we got billions of human beings chasing after the same mind-fueled dreams while neglecting other couple of billion that are existing with the minimal amount of fuel/self support, existing without any ‘dream’ other than having food and the basic means to live, while we can be thriving for the next greatest product to buy and upgrade in our current lifestyles – yet we are all human beings and the only thing that has created a difference is the amount of money we were able to have access to, that’s what is really defining what type of dreams we will have: having food, shelter, clothing, sanitation, water, education and a general stable environment to live in or your next gadget, clothing, car, trips around the world, you name it, and there’s nothing ‘wrong’ with wanting such things either, it is just how we have deliberately maimed the possibility for all beings to have equal opportunity to also be able to enjoy life the same way that us having money have the opportunity to do. Is it acceptable? As long as there are beings that have no access to this, it isn’t – hence:

 

The greatest challenge we are walking in this Process is to unhook ourselves from the addiction toward our own mind, because as we go we will understand how this inner-turmoil that we have identified ourselves as is what leads us to ‘mitigate’ the experience with further energy, which is just like adding more fuel to our already filled up tank wherein we over-drive ourselves to get somewhere/ become someone, chasing after chasing this mirage of fulfillment that can never be real, how could it be if it was all only brewed in our own mind?

 

After reading this, you might get some proper context of how we have been chasing this illusionary or phantasmal tale that we placed as a goal within our life, which has been molded and shaped according to what everyone else has also believed they should follow: love, money, health, beauty, peace and everything linked to a successful living, attaining all the money in the world that should be given by default as a living-right and resource to all beings Equally, instead of being isolated ‘goals’ to ‘attain’ throughout a life of suffering and competition. If we remove the ‘fight for survival’ factor in our reality, I’m sure that we will have much more time to ponder what is it in fact that we believed we had to be/become in order to be ‘fulfilled.’ And this, will slowly but surely enable a real awakening by each human being: we have only been chasing after our own tails, who we are is complete as a unit and we just require to learn how to coexist as organic beings that function as an integral part of a greater ecosystem, that’s it.

 

At the moment our functioning is in complete opposition and reverse to ‘the greater scheme,’ which should point out a few things: We have only been destroying ourselves and neglecting life due to following the voices in our heads, it is not that we are insane or there is something wrong with us, we just have to understand why and how such ‘flawed’ nature exists only in our mind, learn how to correct ourselves as our mind, stand one and equal to our physical boy and as such: learn how to Live as a physical being – after all we all wanted to be happy, but happiness is not a mental flickering place, but a constant stability of having everything that we require as self support given and received in equality, realizing that it is possible to support All beings equally – that’s what I truly see will make me finally at ease: never again having to see one single person suffer in this world, one single animal, plant or insect killed by our human negligence. For that, we must stop being hooked on our self-created abusive delusions in our mind and that is done through Self-Forgiveness, Self Honesty, Self Corrective Application and Breathing to always be aware of what is REAL in this reality and how we are and have always been complete and functional here, it is only in our minds that we haven’t been so, and that is what we are standing up for here.

 

“But, fortunately – Life Continues, when the Road of Consciousness Ends. And eventually, Life will be Restored – even on Earth, and Consciousness will be Eradicated Forever.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

Let’s do this, my fellow humans.

 

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Further Support:

If you ever get violent thoughts/imagination and don’t know what to do, support yourself with:

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Quantum Systemization – Repetitive Thought Pattern Control System – Part 13
Quantum Systemization – The Time Control System – Part 12

254. Beautiful Enslavement and Control

 

Continuing from:

 

The Human Being, being Sensitive to Discord, Disharmony, Disease – are very easily Motivated to Seek Out the Harmony within themselves as the Equilibrium of Multiple Systems, Interacting within Relationship of a Closed System, as a Balanced Perfection for the Sole Purpose of Keeping the being Engaged at All Times; to Seek the Equilibrium and to Keep the Equilibrium going, and where Mastery will be to become a Master of Love, and Stay within the Geometrical Equilibrium.[…]

This Principle has been Very Cleverly used to Keep the Physical Reality in a Form of Stable Control. With None of the Beings in Multiple Forms Realising How their Existence has been Systemized to be Followers of Reaction and Instinct. Followers of Pre-Planned Preprogrammed Designs, with Rewards along the Way when Equilibrium Spots are Hit within the Map of the Book of Life.” Bernard Poolman 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever define myself as a visual vicious wherein all that I was seeking was patterns, numbers, perfection in nature and in the forces that create this world, without being aware how we have been ‘naturally tuned’ to praise the world/ its forces as beauty as perfection without being aware of the actual mechanisms behind it, which had been only me as a mind system seeking for its ‘harmony and equilibrium’ according to the same system of control and preprogrammed designs that we actually believed was ‘who we really are.’

 

This means that I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how within praising any apparent/ visible order and harmony in nature/ the Earth, I am only praising and seeking for the perfect balance within the configuration/ frameworks and paradigms of a perfect system of enslavement, which ties in with how we perceive people that are obedient to the system of abuse as ‘successful people,’ never questioning such bright success and perceived perfection which only stands according to the laws of the system as consciousness, as preprogrammed equilibriums designed and existent for the purpose of maintaining/ sustaining the control of ourselves within this reality, constantly seeking harmony/ perfection without questioning How such harmony and perfection is practically and physically created, who and what must be sacrificed in order to create such illusion of perfection?

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see ‘God’ in geometrical shapes and forms and numbers, as all the patterns that seemed ‘perfect,’ never realizing that such patterns were in fact the very blueprints of the enslavement of this system-reality that we have clearly lived in as a form of trap that we always sought to inherently keep ourselves locked into, because we associated this perfect order and control to beauty, power, perfection, evolution, advancements that we believed were in fact our purpose of living here, which proves how perfect the enslavement is: we don’t want to give up the mind, but the mind is the very system that presents the nice perfect picture equilibrium as the standard order, while hiding the mechanisms that lead to such apparent perfection at an interdimensional level, which means that the actual enslavement was Always going to be out of our sight and covered up with all things positive and nice.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek out for various ways that would lead to a perceived equilibrium and harmony within myself and in my external world, without realizing how for such ‘visible harmony’ there must exist systems that are able to manage our current idea and belief of what ‘harmony’ is, which is linked to a positive experience existent as a form of control through the systems that represent this visible arrangement of equilibrium to the eyes of the mind, but that I never questioned what were the actual forces behind it and in this,

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how that which we seek as equilibrium, beauty, perfection,  order is currently based upon what we exist as the mind and how we currently then only see through the eyes of the mind, wherein the reality of ourselves is not seen/ realized or understood and as such, we have been blindly seeking for ‘the positive’ as  the equilibrium, the harmony’ of perfect systems of control, disregarding any basic understanding of whether such visible/apparent perfection/ beauty/ harmony was in fact what’s best for all life.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience when looking at nature, the perfect controlled forces that shape our reality and be astounded by what I could define as beauty in nature, without taking into consideration how it is that what we see/visualize and interpret reality with, which has been created through the quantum mind that transforms the physical reality into knowledge and information as energy that I am in fact reacting to and assessing the ‘who I am’ toward it, just as a predictable outcome of reactions on either a positive or a negative manner as the mind system that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I have always only reacted to my own mind as my own knowledge and information through which I have seen this reality. Thus, how could I ever be certain of me liking something or enjoying the view of something if all that I’ve seen is my own mind as my own knowledge and information sticking to a perfected pattern of control all the time?  I realize that creating any positive experience about this perceived ‘perfection’ that I have endowed nature with in my mind as a positive experience, is what I am here to correct, and stop participating in,  as I had realized this before. However, when it comes to understanding how reality operates and how energy operates, I can see and realize that we only see the ‘nice façade’ of the tip of the iceberg and we are rarely ever actually aware of the reality of something/ someone, and this is where the deception would be debunked, to finally stop praising images of the mind and instead get ourselves to a point of equality in the physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever seek to ‘balance out’ forces of depression, frustration and distress with the opposite forces as enjoyment, conformity and laxity as positive experiences, wherein I believed that being on the ‘positive side’ is now getting myself to a ‘harmony’ wherein harmony is not an actual equal and one stance toward everything/ everyone in this example, but only seeking the moreness/ the positive experience that we’ve come to accept as ‘the normal’ due to how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to deny, neglect and mostly seek to always keep ourselves ‘away’ from all things negative, which implies the perfect form of control, when we have been unaware of how we actually create the positive, the perfect illusion of order and beauty that we have come to value as ‘more’ than ourselves and as such keeping us ‘in line’ within the system of control that presents a luring and enticing presentation to always keep everyone bound to the positive side and avoiding everything that means and represents stepping out of such conformity and status quo that has sustained the perfect enslavement on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the actual abuse as all the constant friction and conflict that must exist in order for any energetic experience to be lived as ‘who I am,’ and even dare to exert/ project this experience onto people/ things in separation of myself  through the eye of the mind, as the I of consciousness, not being aware of the actual control and abuse that exists in our so-called visual perfection.

 

Within this – I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see and realize that the same mechanisms that create the energy experiences within my body, consuming physicality in order to create an experience that I can either define as either positive or negative within my own assessment of knowledge and information, is equally projected in the outside, wherein all that we have deemed as the ‘greatness’ in our reality  – such as the marvels of the energetic systems and power – is in fact the most atrocious abuse that implies a great devastation of a part of this whole ecosystem that we are burning up in the name of moving faster and dare to call evolution.

 

“It was Obviously Imperative that No Human Ever Gain Access, to the Real Intent – because that would Cause the Eventual Understanding of All the Systems, which will Cause, eventually: the Human to Wake Up, which will Cause, eventually: the Human to Gain the Ability to Set themselves Free from Enslavement. And that would Cause the End of a Mechanical Existence, where All Emotions and Feelings are Produced by Interdimensional Systems, Presented as Feelings and Thoughts – to Keep the Human Entertained and Engaged in a Faith of Purpose and Meaning, which would Never be Anything that is Best for All Life. But, the Human would Not Notice that, because: they’re Existing, continuously, in Fear – Attempting to Complete their Task by Piecing together a System, which will Result in the Experience of ‘Love’ and which they would then See as ‘Light’. This ‘Light’ and ‘Love’ will Shine and become Brighter if they Focus on it, because – then, the Machine/System Produced, would Function and Produce MORE Energy. And the Energy, will Give the Human the Illusion of ‘Power’. A Power they Never want to Give Up, because they believe it’s ‘Them’. They even call it ‘Divinity’.” – Bernard Poolman

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to be marveled by the so called ‘wonders of the world’ wherein the pictures of technological advancements and a ‘better future’ are painted as the perfect peak we can get to as human beings, without realizing that behind all forms of ‘progress’ we can only spot abuse and systems that allow such perfection to be constructed by slaves, by abusing/ burning up the very living-resources of the Earth that we have diminished to the status of ‘fuels’ that are meant to be burnt for our own convenience, which clearly denotes the level of unawareness and self interest we have lived in, wherein we have dared to consume our very own world/ living substance in the name of this feeling of ‘power’ and success and evolution that we have all agreed to create as a positive experience, never realizing at the expense of who and what such marvels were in fact able to be created of.

 

This world works in reverse, and if everything is going ‘just marvelous’ within ourselves, it in fact means that one is at a perfect and balanced enslavement state within a preprogrammed design of perfected control. This is thus how common sense points out that the actual best for all will always lead to discord, distress, disarrangement, dissociation of the current forces that keep the perfect-cage in place. Within this, it is my responsibility to stop following through with ideas of evolution, happiness, harmony, equilibrium and all the ‘beautiful forces of nature’ that are also part of the entire system that is currently only functioning through abuse and exploitation of the physical.

 

Thus, I commit myself to expose the relevance of the Desteni Material as the very key to unlock the actual secrets of reality that are not nice or pretty, and actually entail having to let go of any inkling of belief of what beauty, perfection and stability is according to the current mechanisms in which we understand harmony, which is mostly associated with a Positive energy and as such explain how positive energy is only the reverse/ the other side of the coin of the inherent negative that we have sought to deny, suppress and neglect within ourselves, without realizing that the Key to ourselves is in fact within the ability to stand outside of that perceived perfection, moreness, evolution and superiority as species – stop creating any further abuse and be willing to study how the systems function in order to then be able to re-direct what is already here toward a best for all outcome, which means stopping participating in energetic experiences of the mind, and focus on equalizing the physicality of what is here as a point of support for all living forms in equality, which does not mean perfection in a visual manner, but in a physical perfection as the consideration of the equality in all bodies of existence.

 

 

This means that it is in the best interest of all to stop seeking beauty, harmony, equilibrium and stability as the status quo in which we’ve kept ourselves captive and controlled by our own hand as the accepted and allowed systems of ‘perfected enslavement’ that we have deemed to be positive, of ‘evolution’ and an actual advancement within humanity, us being the ones that create the actual enslavement as a world system which must clearly now be also stopped and corrected by ourselves. 

 

At  Desteni this new Year we’re marking the beginning of the end of this perfected enslavement by exposing the actual human nature that we’ve kept ‘in balance’ and ‘in equilibrium’ within ourselves as the perfect picture presentation of all the positive that we’ve sought to be and become and present toward others, and that we genuinely believed represented ‘who we really are’ as divine creations. This is the lie that will be debunked in the most self-supportive way, as we are currently witnessing the Unveiling of the truth or ourselves as the mind in the most hideous and harmful ways – thus, it is part of our collective responsibility to actually be informed and educated on how to confront the actual Evil as all the reverse of life that we have all become and kept hidden/ secluded as the uncomfortable background and behind-the-scenes mechanisms that have enabled this reality to be functioning as and built upon.

It is becoming aware of the actual forces that will emerge of the actuality that we’ve become due to having accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as a mind system and creating a mind-world working upon these mind-systems of control that are no longer sustainable – and just like any release of a individual kept locked in a perfect cage for a long time, there we will all require a point of self support and reference to be able to ground ourselves to the physical and be able to deal with our own ‘forces’ that will run rampant if we do not make a clear statement of who we really are and what we are willing to live and stand for and by.

2013 – The Future of Consciousness – Introduction

 

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245. Sublimity and Ecstatic Self Experiences

 

When looking at the sublime and the end of the world relationship, there’s more of a physical  effect of the energy as an experience that I would participate in wherein the usual ‘setting’ was me listening to some music and painting that which I would get an entire energetic kick out of, finding my own ‘mysteries’ which weren’t mysteries but simply a way to keep myself waiting for something to happen that could change this world for better or total destruction.

To me total destruction made more sense according to what I was witnessing in our reality and as such, probably generated a fear in the first place toward this, later on turning it into a fascination that remained as part of my ‘topics’ and recurrent themes wherein I stated many times that I didn’t know what else to paint but the dread, suffering, destruction and all the usually seen as ‘negative’ aspects of reality, that’s probably one of the reasons I decided to study art, because I thought there was something very important to say with regards to making visible that which is usually feared, never really looking at how the experience in itself had become my actual excuse and justification when doing it, because there weren’t any actual ‘skills’ in the formal way of looking at ‘art,’ but just a desire to express – this is the point of separation here.

So, through my decision having been based upon energy as an experience I came to ‘enjoy,’ I became an energy junky for all things dramatic, gloomy, somber, macabre, lugubrious, destructive, decay, etc. This is part of the energetic experience that I exist as whenever I am not here simply breathing, it became ‘me’ to a physical extent that I would not be aware of how the totality of my physical expression was denoting this ‘dread’ and ultimately existing as a point of victimization, a ‘loud cry’ for some form of help, absolute drama and self-pity without ever considering I could simply support myself, take responsibility for my so-called ‘sadness’ and constant melancholia and focus on living, or actually learning how to live for the first time.

Throughout this process I have stabilized myself tremendously with regards to this constant ‘self-experience’ I’ve described above, that would veer toward seeing everything as too fucked to have any form of solution – I decided to stop being so full of myself and instead begin supporting me. I have managed to stop depressive moods as a ‘constancy’ within me and whenever it comes up, it is an experience that doesn’t last that much, because I cannot fool myself that easily any longer to ‘think’ myself into an experience, which is awesome but it is in fact a constant self dedication to Stop participating in energy and it’s like me for a moment talking to myself in relation to who I am in the moment and talk myself to get up and keep going.

 

When I am painting I am not creating any emotion any longer, it mostly actually serves as a point to just focus my attention out of words for a moment, there’s not a ‘longing’ for it since last time I deliberately thought I ‘wanted to paint,’ I realized that it was mostly the longing in itself that I was participating it, and it’s the typical experience wherein once you got what you want, you don’t want it anymore, because it wasn’t the thing/ activity/ moment or sometimes even the people themselves that we actually want to experience ourselves with or in, but only the constant friction and conflict that this ‘unattainable desire’ creates as a point of distraction and mind preoccupation.

 

Hence we are entering the realm of pictures and sounds as music. Now that’s the freaking nitty gritty stuff I haven’t dealt with as much, because of not knowing how to ‘deal’ with applying self forgiveness on the energetic experiences gotten from points like talking about the end of the world, listening to ‘overwhelming music,’ and watching anything that would make my body get these absolutely overwhelming chills which I defined according to me being a more ‘emotional person,’ which as I have walked in the past blogs, it was just another way of giving myself more of a ‘humane’ credit other than being  just a ‘smart/ intelligent person,’ that I didn’t want to be categorized as.

 

These end of the world paintings would be part of my ‘unspoken’ self-discourse  that I would mostly only paint but not speak about it, except for that time in high school that I participated in heated debates about it, lol, defending 2012 at all cost while arguing with my English teacher.

 

So, how I created this energetic ball of energetic experience:  I found the ‘right soundtrack’ to be listening to while doing my creations and voilá it became a constant element, even when taking pictures, always headphones on and looking reality as a movie I could glide through, focusing on my own dread and self-experience because, as any energetic experience, it doesn’t matter if it’s positive or negative: we become hooked on any energetic experience.  And so, me being ‘hooked on emotions’ meant cultivating this constant self-view of life that was later on placed into paintings, hence the emotional attachment/ experience that I wanted people to ‘feel’ as well, and you know that entire dribble of art and emotions…

 

The sublime experience at a physical level, it is that type of excitement/excitation you experience throughout your physical body – sometimes it is like the usually called goosebumps, which I had asked specifically in relation to Godspeed’s music – which wasn’t only me since other forum member also asked about the same song and the same experience – which then made it clear that it was a usual systematic experience according to how I had defined such music to be. What were the emotions then?  This overwhelming experience that becomes just like any other energetic experience turns out to be quite addictive, hence the constant listening to such music wherein I had no regard to stop such energetic movements, but simply went on, fully believing that it was in fact me reacting with such overwhelming experience.

 

Now, I have practiced breathing throughout these chills that come up every time that this experience emerges automatically  – and this would be no different to when I would participate in me being in a mindset of ‘end of the world scenario’ and just being sad and gloomy for what the world had turned out to be – all of this self-interest as self experience obviously.

 

I remember when I was very little, it was around 91-92 and we were outside the house and people were into this hype of UFO’s being visiting and whatnot, and as we were looking up to the sky I experienced what I thought was extreme cold, but no, it was this quivering energetic sensation that we can call goosebumps/ chills and it would get to a point wherein I would quiver inside me. I have felt the same experience in any other point of absolute fear that I have even called attraction or fascination for something. This explains very well what this ‘overwhelming’ experience at a physical level actually is: an actual energetic experience. And, I must say that the reason why I became a music junky was precisely because of these experiences that I thought I liked, but it’s mostly due to all the energetic experiences I have added to the entire setting: painting/ thinking about all the death/ destruction and decay and listening to that music. This is how it became quite a ‘energetic cocktail’ of experiences that I cultivated within me: we got the thoughts, the emotional experience and the sounds becoming a single ‘atmosphere’ that I would experience as a form of individualized trance – it is no different really to simply being high on happiness or any other energetic experience, however it is my responsibility to be able to equalize myself to such experience that I had not really taken on because of actually lacking understanding on what this experience as excitement/overwhelming experience that I could define as ‘sublime’ experience – for a lack of a better word – was actually really about: just another point of fear turned into a fascination.

 

 

Self Forgiveness in this Sublime energetic experience:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the experience of absolute fear as a point of fascination in relation to imagining and thinking about ‘the end of the world,’ wherein I believed that I was in fact enjoying thinking about it and constantly representing it through paintings and mixing it with music, without realizing that in this, I was only creating my own points of energetic experiences that I aligned myself to as a form of pleasure and delight, which is the ‘sublime’ experience wherein all that I would exist as is an energetic experience, a thrill and chills that I came to define as an enjoyable experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to get hooked on emotions as an enjoyable experience simply because my life was too plain and I required some form of friction, conflict and excitement that I could create in a certain way –thus in this, using the point of creativity and music as a way to generate emotions and feelings so that I could exist as a mind experiencing itself, instead of me having been simply present within and throughout these creative explorations that I could have breathed through and express as a physical movement without thinking about it in order to FEEL something as an energetic movement which I believed would make the expression Real.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to Feel and become emotional to do any form of expression, simply because that’s what I learned from others: focusing on the ‘feeling’ of the expression which I then fabricated in my mind in relation to painting that which would cause any form of experience within me, hence the nature of the paintings being allusive to the end of the world, just because of how I had programmed myself to fear and then create an excitement about such end and represent it through painting and music creation with several emotions that could point out a negative emotional experience that I came to enjoy.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to reduce my expression, limiting and defining it according to the amount of energy as a physical effect that I could measure, wherein the more ‘excited’ or energetic thrill I would get while creating it along with the music, the thoughts, I would consider the expression to be more ‘real,’ and as such consider the opposite: the less I would get an energetic experience as an internal satisfaction of excitement while painting or after having finished, I would consider that I wasn’t really successful in my creation or that I was lacking some form of inspiration, wherein

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define dread, depression and a general negative emotional experience within me as the perfect state for creation, which comes from the beliefs that only through suffering and being experiencing a certain dread and negative experience about oneself could one be ‘genuine’ in art creation, which was the reason why the immediate words linked to art creation were emotions and feelings as expression.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my self expression as emotions and feelings and believe that they were indispensable components for me to express anything in a True manner/ way.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the true-me was actually only existent whenever I would access such overwhelming experiences that are even called ‘sublimation,’ as in almost having a spiritual revelation – not realizing that this was all me talking myself into the energetic experience as ‘my expression’ wherein the physical reality of myself was not really taken into consideration at all, hence

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberate direct myself to participate in activities that I defined as ‘real’ and ‘true’ such as art creation due to the emotional experiences I was able to experience through me talking myself into such experiences that would stem from a point of fear and then transformed into some constant depression, woe and dread about life that I came to embody as a constant self experience for quite some time.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to enjoy experiencing this ‘sublime experience’ that is actually a lot of fear that I turned into a fascination as the ability for the mind to actually benefit from me participating in such ‘sublime experience’ and recreating it through painting, hearing music or writing about all things miserable such as destruction, decay, death, end of the world, my own ‘sad and lonely’ self experience, which became my own Doom as a constant mood that I believed was ‘my nature,’ without realizing that I was limiting myself to a single energetic experience defined as negative and that was it, I didn’t investigate it further but simply accepted and allowed myself to cultivate it instead from the starting point of believing that Feeling and becoming emotional were ‘vital signs’ of being a human being and a more ‘humane’ one.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek to have an overwhelming energetic experience through listening to music and/or painting, taking pictures/ video wherein this personality that rejoices in all things ‘gloomy’ and somber and destructive is simply me existing in an actual fear toward those points and turning the fear into an enjoyable experience in order to be able to have a form of ‘control’ upon it apparently, without realizing I have never in fact been in control but only develop ways to be able to confront it without a sense of ‘lack of control,’ which is how I became ‘comfortable’ as an experience to things that would normally be seen as disturbing to talk about such as death and destruction, and self-destructive emotional experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually neglect the fact that I did fear the end of the world, but because of such fear being so prominent, I turned it into a fascination and into my personal recurrent theme/topic so that I could confront it within a ‘controlled’ sense of enjoyment toward it, just so that I could feel ‘alright’ when talking about it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of death and destruction a usual ‘fascination’ for me to talk about due to how my father was supportive of these thoughts about the occult, mysteries and prophecies which pissed off my mother pretty much, lol, and as such, making of death and disturbing thoughts and experiences my fascination just so that I could create a point of friction and conflict within her every time I would bring them up in discussions and get a positive experience/ kick out of it, of being able to generate a fear within another from them fearing ‘the end of the world’ or ‘prophecies’ or ‘aliens’ or ‘crazy people’ for that matter, wherein I seconded my father to step on my mother’s nerves for the sake of joking around.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘positive experience’ out of something that would usually be feared just to generate – again – this sense of specialness for me desiring and wanting the world to end while everyone else seemed to fear it and even dislike talking about it, within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make of ‘the end of the world’ my personal fascination just because of how it would seem as an avoided and disturbing topic for others, which is how I also sought to make myself ‘important’ and ‘unique,’ because of believing that it was then some type of powerful statement to shock people in any way because through them reacting to what I did, I would reinforce my beliefs of being on the right track in relation to me having ‘something to say’ through art, even if back then it was only death and destruction without any further understanding or comprehension of how we were all collectively creating it, regardless of creating an experience about it or not.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘enjoy’ strident music as perpetual piercing sounds just because of how disturbing and ‘bizarre’ they were, wherein the more specific and unique my tastes were, the more ‘special’ I would be in my mind in relation to the general likes of people, which stems from my desire to ‘not be ordinary’/ be special/ be authentic or relate to the least ‘common people,’ that could also be within the same mind frame of looking at ‘others’ as strangers and normal/ ordinary as a lesser definition and instead, wanting to be singled-out from the crowds due to these fascinations, likes, preferences and self experience of enjoyment toward the seemingly dark and negative just to get a positive reinforcement to my personality as ‘a rebel’ or antagonist in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an immediate empathy to anyone that dares to present themselves as that point of challenge toward what’s socially acceptable and desirable, simply because of the amount of shock and disturbance that this can create within other human beings, and as such, making of this ability to create any form of shock my personal satisfaction of being effective in ‘what I do,’ wherein I believed that my expression had to cause an experience within another and that such reaction would mean my self-experience was genuine, within the belief that emotions and feelings was the ‘truth of ourselves’ as our mind.

 

This happens very often, lol in fact I just read something that was rather sarcastic and laughed about it and then realized that I would have wanted to ‘defend’ the person for saying something that was ‘not supposed’ to be said/written within a certain context, so this is how I came to support people that would go ‘against the tide’ just because of the shock value they represented within other being’s lives and reality, in essence creating empathy toward those that would play out the same mechanism I supported within myself.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to enjoy this absolute overwhelming energetic experience as goosebumps whenever I would be painting and listening to music that I’ve defined as ‘end of the world music,’ be overwhelmed by the absolute noise and encompassing sounds while Thinking about ‘the end of the world’ as an absolute destruction, which I now see and understand was my ‘little heaven’ of self experience just because of having the background of people around me mostly not liking to talk about death, destruction and the end of the world, thus creating my own mindfuck as personal fascination stemming from doing something ‘non-conventional’ such as rejoicing in thoughts of death and destruction.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I desired the world to end, not realizing that in any form of desire there’s a fear and that in my mind I created a fascination toward everything that I actually feared: I feared facing everything that I would paint within the ‘end of the world’ scenario and as such, I would paint that which I wasn’t willing to admit I feared, turning it instead into a positive creative self experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a likeness toward the music that I would also experience as a general fear due to how overwhelming the sounds were, mostly of prolonged intense acute frequency and strident sounds wherein I can say it definitely works at a mind level to produce this disturbance within my being that would be experienced as chills/ goosebumps and linking that to a pleasant experience within me, without realizing it wasn’t really that I liked it, but made myself believe that  I did.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience in my mind out of an actual negative physical energetic effect on my body, wherein I would turn it into a fascination and enjoyment while in reality the body was actually being consumed in order for me to have my exciting experiences of death and destruction related topics.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of pain a pleasurable experience wherein the thought of death and destruction would cause a nice/ positive experience at a mind level, as something that I thought I liked but in fact it was actually absolute fear that I was experiencing and a such I never in fact was supporting myself within any energetic experience that I believed I liked. I see, realize and understand that All energetic experiences are detrimental to the physical body and that participating in this energetic experience to even then believe that I actually wanted the world to end, without realizing that it was the idea of the world ending which I attached to an overwhelming exciting experience, but I wasn’t really wanting the world to end nor was I in fact measuring in any way the consequences that such event would entail for all living beings. Thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in thoughts of everything and everyone just disappearing/ being obliterated by some supernatural force that I wanted to experience and participate in, just because of how I realized the extensive overwhelming experience it would be, wherein ‘overwhelming’ is linked to seeing red skies  – which I have also created a fascination toward – as the usual depiction of a perfect end of the world scenario, without realizing that this became a general ‘kick’ for my mind to rejoice within this pleasant experience that was in fact fear due to me thinking about ‘the end of the world’ when looking at red skies.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my body was enjoying the music and responding with such absolute ecstatic experience of feeling goosebumps and quivering, without realizing that it was in fact the energetic compound of all the thinking processes that would lead me to experience fear about this absolute destruction that I would either paint or enjoy looking at in pictures as the usual cloudy red skies and some form of civilization destruction.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire to continue experiencing this overwhelming experience in a constant basis simply because of believing that such goosebumps were a sign of me enjoying/ identifying with the music somehow, not realizing it was simply me having linked this to an actual fear that turned into a fascination as in me actually being overwhelmed by the sounds and thinking that I was enjoying this in fact

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was okay to be attracted to that which was mostly sad and gloomy as self-experience, just because it becomes as addictive as happiness and positivity – I realize that I simply played out the opposite pole due to how I designed myself to become the exact opposite of what was ‘agreeable’ and ‘acceptable’ in my reality, within this becoming just the pillar that creates conflict and friction in order to generate more energy only to satisfy myself as my own mind.

 

I realize that these ‘sublime’ experiences have become aesthetic categories just because of us having accepted and allowed our emotions and feelings as humans beings as ‘who we are’ and some form of ‘human nature,’ without ever having actually investigated How such energetic experiences were formed, how are they produced and created within our physical body and the actual effects and consequences it creates from participating in such experiences throughout our life experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to believe  me to be special for ‘feeling the music’ so much that I would get these goosebumps as physical reaction of the energetic experience, without realizing that it was so due to all the thinking, the images and general fear that I actually created toward such strident sounds that reverberated throughout my being and accepted this as a form of ecstatic self-experience, without questioning what I was in fact doing to my body every time that these experiences are generated.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my own physical body every time that I would allow myself to experience these chills as ‘thrills’ and as a form of self enjoyment, without ever really investigating or becoming aware of the nature of the experience, wherein sometimes even my stomach would hurt due to the extensive participation in ‘keeping the wave on’ as in keeping myself ‘riding the experience’  just for the sake of my own ‘pleasure’ that I never really experienced as the actual pain it is.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not identify how I would get the same overwhelming experience every time I would go into absolute fear such as fear of someone trespassing the house, or being mugged, or being walking alone at night on the street – these would all cause similar experiences within myself that I never questioned, but simply allowed them to be and exist without making the necessary links to see how the so-called pleasure was actually fear as well, experienced in a very similar manner to my so called ‘ecstatic’ experience that I defined as positive.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become this energetic experience simply because of me having defined it as ‘positive’ and ‘enjoyable’ as anything that I would look at, listen to or read that would cause an actual ‘fear’ as an overwhelming experience, but instead of investigating it further, I simply accepted it as ‘who I am’ and me having some form of empathy/resonance for the sounds/ music, the visuals or the words that would create these images within me of actual horror/ terror/ fear in an ‘acceptable manner,’ since I never took it to the ‘next level,’ so to speak.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe there was such a thing as genuine empathic experience toward others that would exist within a similar ‘energetic experience’ as myself and within that, creating relationships with people that would support this self-experience as a form of ‘special bond’ that was ‘difficult to find’ and as such, level it up to a form of specialness and uniqueness in relationships.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘make it okay’ to rejoice in what I deemed were positive experiences that were ‘innocent’ because I was the only one experiencing such chills and thrills in my physical body, without realizing that these thoughts and logic is only me as the mind realizing what I have done onto the physical and that I never in fact was aware of my physical body, otherwise I would have been aware of the actual detrimental experiences that the body goes through when participating in any form of energetic experience either positive or negative – same consequence.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that it was okay for me to experience sadness and enjoy it, because I thought I was special and unique to only experience sadness as a form of enjoyment, without realizing that in all cases, any energetic experience is equal from the perspective that it is me as a the mind generating friction and conflict to extract energy from the physical in order to continue existing as an energetic system, without realizing that there is no point for such system to exist within me and that I can be here, breathe and remain constant and consistent as myself as the physical, and that living/being alive does not require these ‘overwhelming experiences’ that I would be a sucker for in the form of listening to music all the time, thinking constantly about all the bad things in the world and rejoice in what I deemed was something ‘twisted’ and ‘socially incorrect,’ because I learned that I could only rejoice in that which is positive/ beneficial for self, never really understanding that any energetic experience no matter how we  assess it/define it within our consciousness mind-frame as either positive or negative, it is always a relationship of friction and conflict to generate and create more energy that is extracted from the physicality that I am in order to continue the existence of the mind through/ as more friction and conflict.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to train and condition my physical body to accept these energetic experiences of fear and overwhelming thoughts of death and destruction as an actual enjoyment or ‘aliveness’ whenever I would create a quivering in my body that I believed was a sign of me being ‘more alive’ or more ‘genuine’ than other beings, and that such experiences were an indication of me being ‘more’ than others, a point of specialness which became as a personal cultivation of such experiences for my personal enjoyment.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to condition my physical to such a reaction of the mind as ‘enjoyment,’ instead of actually approaching points of expression like painting and music from a physical starting point of self expression.

 

I realize that the only way to ‘change’ this point of self-experience as the sublime, the disturbing and mostly feared is simply by stopping fearing it myself and next, is working on breathing the energetic experiences as they emerge in this automated way, which I take responsibility for because of the amount of time and energy I spent on accepting such energetic experiences as ‘normal,’ and as such, commit myself to be aware of whenever I am approaching something/ someone from the starting point of wanting to get a kick out of re-enacting my fascinations and self-experiences of fear turned into a pleasurable experience.

 

I commit myself to equalize myself to any form of expression ,wherein I ensure that I am always here, breathing – and that no matter what I do, I place my focus and attention on the physical reality of what I am doing and also realizing that not getting any energetic experience while listening to music or painting does not make the moment less as in not being genuine, as I realize that any form of energetic movement while doing something is indicating me a point of separation within the mind in accordance to how I have participated in my reality through the mind instead of the physical.

 

I commit myself to base my self expression on being here as breath while painting, listening to music, watching nature and as such realize that every time I create either a positive or negative experience out of anything I do in the physical, it is the mind and it’s not real self-expression and must be taken self responsibility for, as I understand how it is within these seeking of ‘thrills’ at a mind level that we become addicts for this that is later on sought through drugs, sex, money or anything else that is able to provide enough resources to generate a ‘moreness’ or ‘specialness’ within us as energetic-experiences, which is unacceptable as these are the bricks of self-abuse that we all have participated in within ourselves as the mind, having real effects and detrimental consequences for the whole in this world – not only humans, but every single particle abused in the name of our personal fascinations.

 

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243. The Sublime and the End of the World

While listening to the Doomsday Activist Life Review, I realized that I had precisely gone for the exhilaration and experience of having a certain moment wherein ‘something’ had to happen in this world  as an ultimate doomsday scenario/ Armageddon type of event, because there were just ‘too many points converging into the same day’ that it was almost undeniable that something would happen, but what? I actually thought for a moment that consciousness would cease to exist that day  – lol – and before Desteni, I thought it was time for a major catastrophe that I simply ‘dreamed of.’

 

“So, it’s interesting that, it has never been Questioned: “Why are there so many different, varying “One’s” and each One believe itself to be “the Right One.” I mean, all the different Prophecies/Predictions cannot ‘materialize’ Simultaneously…with some believing in Ascension, others Jesus coming, others The End of the World by a physical/natural Occurrence and all the different Prophecies/Predictions are aligned with a particular Spirituality/Religion/Movement/Science and each one of those believe themselves to be “the Real Deal”. That, within this – human beings have not seen, realised and understood what all these “the One’s / Chosen One’s” have in common: they abdicate All Responsibility of Individual Human Beings to/as what ‘life on earth’ is/has become, and facilitate more as a distraction and preoccupation from/of Self-Responsibility, Life Responsibility to/as this Physical Existence.” – Sunette Spies *

 

To understand this point better and how I made of ‘The End of the World’  ‘my theme’ and favorite topic is looking also at some of the artwork that I made, which was mostly doomsday-like which I explain here  2008 Paintings portraying slavery of system and can be reviewed at the top of this blog in the Artwork section.

 

Even after a while I kept doing the same thing, doing series of different characters that would end up being part of this depiction of the end of the world, which reveals how much I was truly expecting it, desiring it, making it a recurrent topic and driving-force to be ‘creative’ just because I would get a kick out of it. This is what I could Identify as Sublime after reading Heaven’s Journey To Life blog that I will quote later on.

 

According to Schopenhauer and the ‘types of sublime’ I will be looking at are:

  • Sublime – Turbulent Nature. (Pleasure from perceiving objects that threaten to hurt or destroy observer).
  • Full Feeling of Sublime – Overpowering turbulent Nature. (Pleasure from beholding very violent, destructive objects).

 

According to E. Burke: “With his Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful (1757) Edmund Burke defined canonically its aesthetical prominence as the satisfaction arising from the removal of an imminent threat.” – Wiki Entry on Sublime

 

Last Man on Earth

Last Man on Earth 2009

 

I’ll place one ‘static example.’ This is the last man on Earth. And I would usually depict people having One eye closed, probably depicting that we have always deliberately ‘played blind’ to not see what we are doing to each other and this world, and this man as the last man on Earth turned eventually one-side blind as a result of having neglected reality. It also expresses the shame and regret about what we’ve done. His appearance is deliberately depicting our self consumption when living for the ideals of the ‘who we are’ in the mind– his clothes denote a battered ‘elitist lifestyle’ that has gone through trials and tribulations, some sort of survival point upon the death of the rest of humanity and animas. He’s standing upon a thousand words yet he seems to have nothing to say but his heart is beating and his lungs seem in a good state – he is alive. His hands have turned into the symbol that depicts life, he might be able to start from scratch to create a new world that supports life in Equality, if he can forgive himself past all the regret.

 

Continuing from:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the ‘end of the world scenarios’ as a source of excitement and exhilaration due to the actual fear that I would have with regards to witnessing an ‘end of the world’ scenario, without actually taking into consideration what such ‘end’ would mean and how it is that we would be in essence drawing ourselves back to zero and actually miss out the opportunity to use what is already here as this world and simply give it direction within a new consideration, a new path which is Life in Equality,  and within this: there is no need to destroy/ obliterate the world, but we can simply agree to slowly but surely go stopping our current ways in which we are existing as world-system and civilization and consider new ways of living wherein we can start regarding the environment/ the ecosystem as an actual living being equal and one to ourselves, and within that, establish solutions so that we stop the mass extinction, abuse and exploitation of life in the name of our personal benefits as ‘progress’ and ‘evolution’ that is only the result of us disregarding life and using it to power up our mind-realities of what ‘advancements’ are supposed to be like, disregarding the fact that the life of human beings, animals, plants is not taken into consideration when only using what is here in the name of power/ success/ evolution that is in fact only the evolution of the mind, not life quality. This also implies that I only used this ‘hype’ to tag along and generate an entire personality based on this ‘death and destruction’ ideals, simply because it is so much easier to hope for the end of the world than actually doing something to sort it out and create a new start for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rejoice and get excited about a possible ‘something’ happening in 2012 in order to wake up humanity, and expecting some form of cloudy messy doomsday on a particular date, without realizing that within such waiting it is only a distraction and entertainment to not look at the reality that is already here and pretty much existing  in a doomsday scenario, wherein the billions that have no support from the system to live in dignity live a doomsday on a daily basis – within this (Watch ‘In Heaven everything is fine’ video below.)

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to romanticize this ‘end of the world’ for my own entertainment and ‘delight’ as that expectation and getting a kick out of participating in imagination as all sorts of pictures and end of the world scenes that I would simply dedicate myself to paint, because I wanted to in one way or another be able to ‘predict’ what would happen and as such, also depict myself as one of the last standing on Earth, being a ‘chosen one’ which is the actual desire that I had and wanted to fulfill as a self-prophecy that I wanted to witness, no different to me being expecting a certain ‘event’ such as a concert or a trip and generating the same amount of expectation and excitement about it, which proves to what extent I actually disregarded what such pain and suffering really Is and only made images about it for the sake of propelling my own fascinations as the actual fear that I had toward witnessing some form of ultimate destruction on Earth – which is what I will have to go through as what I in fact experienced. Sublime experience.

 

Now, I suggest reading HOPE – The Metaphysical Carrot: DAY 237

and specifically HOPE – the Metaphysical Carrot (Part 3): DAY 239 

 

I left a comment there with the following realization:

Concepts like the ‘sublime’ have become clear through reading this, which is something I would link to 2012 in the past, all of this from the branch within philosophy and aesthetics of an image/painting that would cause you this ‘sublime experience’ as an actual fear turned into a point of attraction/ rejoice – which is also what Mykey explained in #9 Demons in the Afterlife Interview – all makes sense now.

Here I share some on this point from the Wiki entry on sublime:

“Burke’s treatise is also notable for focusing on the physiological effects of the sublime, in particular the dual emotional quality of fear and attraction noted by other writers. Burke described the sensation attributed to the sublime as a “negative pain” which he called delight, and which is distinct from positive pleasure. Delight is taken to result from the removal of pain (caused by confronting the sublime object) and is supposedly more intense than positive pleasure.”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sublime_(philosophy)

So essentially, same mechanism of ‘hope’ but sublime is more focused even more so just on the energetic experience in itself, without any form of ‘change’ but plain delight/ pleasure and all of that which is caused when looking at terror from afar. What a great mindfuckistic reality we have created. It is definitely time to stop.

 

I cannot say anything else but, this is an entire energetic experience that I had been quite keen on, the point of turning a fear into a fascination and the ‘end of the world’ is one of the fascinations I cultivated ever since I was probably a 5 years old or so when I wanted to be alien abducted with my dad, lol which is precisely what I describe in that video, later on fueled by songs like ‘Spaceman’ by Babylon Zoo – lol. Now, I am reviewing this just to see to what extent we can turn fears into fascinations and even more so, making it a point of pleasure/ excitement/ exhilaration and entertainment/distraction for MY personal experience, MY satisfaction, MY own delight, MY inspiration, depressions and general lack of desire to live, simply because of being subsumed in this ‘I want it all to end’ type of self-experience, just an absolute victimization that has permeated my being till this very day, as I see that any form of ‘lack of drive’ is just because I am not feeding anymore my usual energetic experiences that I had linked to a constant ‘looking forward’ to the future, but instead, the hereness that I am integrating myself as is experienced as a junky going on rehab, that’s what is ‘tough’ about this process and this is but one aspect of what I will be ‘withdrawing’ from.

 

Even the music that I listened to like Godspeed You Black Emperor – my favorite band within the schemes of my last ‘music junky’ fanatic phase –  I could define as this type of ‘Sublime’ / End of the world experience- you can read their story here for the first time told by themselves, since they are the type of people that would rather not speak at all but ‘let their music speak’ and have a look at the type of mentality I was absolutely drawn to, which became my inspiration on a daily basis within my life some 6 years ago.  I’ll leave a couple of videos I made with their music at the end of this blog.

 

When placing all of this little world of my own fascinations into perspective of the actual reality that is going on, I see that I am still drawn to this ‘romantic’ side of reality instead of focusing on the actuality of what is here and focusing not on cultivating further experiences I might get from music or arts in this doomsday-everything is fucked-vein for that matter, but focusing on actual reality considerations that I can educate myself on in order to stop any form of personal-endeavors to cultivate my fascinations instead of taking Self Responsibility for what is here.

 

So I’ll be walking this ‘branch’ of my artistic personality related to the sublime specifically and end of the world/lack of desire to live in blogs to come. This is what happens when a single character such as the ‘tormented artist’ in reality justifies absolute irresponsibility that becomes a morbid fascination and delight and see it as ‘okay’ it is an aesthetic category, it’s okay to cultivate it. Good for you, little artist.

 

Must Read Blogs:
 

Interviews:

 

My End of the World video creations:


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