Category Archives: facing consequence

502. From Feeling Sorry to Owning our Consequences

Or what does it reveal about me to ‘feel sorry for others’ and how to turn it into a supportive point of change in me

There’s this experience that I have noticed as one of those very ingrained aspects of myself where feeling sorry for another becomes a way to create a form of ‘care’ – again, lol – that is definitely not supportive and relies on diminishing the potential and capacity of others to stand up for themselves and own their creation.

What does it reveal about myself to pity or feel sorry for others? It is the acceptance and allowance of self-pity within myself, where even if I cannot spot it existing as ‘who I am’ currently, it has been an ingrained aspect of going into an inferiority, a victimization, a ‘sorry for me’ type of experience that I can definitely see very much ‘there’ in relation to myself in the past, which I have been projecting onto others that I have associated to be similar to ‘me in the past’ and thus wanting to create a form of empathy or support that ends up compromising not only myself but the other person I ‘feel sorry for’ or believe is being ‘unfairly treated’ or is going through some kind of ‘injustice.’

This ‘feeling sorry’ for another is defined by the character that wants to ‘save’ another for example from certain circumstances or consequences in their life where I for example decide to completely stand as a pillar for them to stand up and in doing so, not really questioning: what am I actually doing when considering that the other person is genuinely incapable of taking self-responsibility or standing up for themselves?

This is where we develop relationships with other people based on self-compromise. Example, if there are consequences or situations that have been experienced by them in their lives, it is also part of their creation and what they have to own as their life, their actions and inactions, their decisions – which is exactly what I’ve learned to do with myself and my own life, to not diminish my capacity in any way to be able to change and do the necessary work to change in the possibilities that I have in my reality.

Of course here I am talking about people that are already having the basics to live and have all the means to create ways to support themselves –  even more so, there are truly disempowered people in this world that even in very real worst case scenarios push and stand up through the worst of the situations, which also allowed me to place into context my kind of ‘sorry’ and ‘worry’ which has been a life-long patter – up to now and that I am committing and deciding to stop here – which has led to compromise within myself and others.

There is one point missed at times which is that even if we support another and they decide that there’s a willingness to support themselves as well, there is one step from having the intent or even ‘will’ to do it and actually living them and that’s where even if one can temporarily stand as a point of support for another, it does have to get to the point where each one must stand by themselves completely and this potential exists in all of us human beings and we know it because every person is always an individual and no matter how much you want to stand as a point of support for another, it’s always up to another to own their creation and stand up for themselves.

Here looking at ‘sorry for others’ as well in the context of consequences that a person has actually created in their lives, where I can also go into the belief that things just ‘happen’ to others instead of seeing how there is always a point of acceptance and allowance for that point to exist in their/our lives. Here is where I have to see how I can still go into thinking that some things in this world are ‘unfair’ to people instead of completely taking responsibility for it all, for we are all in fact one and equal.  

Yet I forget that consequences and facing real harsh consequences can be the most supportive thing, not can be, they are in fact the most supportive things we can have whenever we haven’t yet been able to see the effects of our creation, of our participation in our mind and so in our actions. We have taught ourselves to ‘fear consequence’ yet, it is precisely through fearing that we neglect taking the actions to change something and in the end, we create that which we feared only to then be able to face it and stand through it to realize how much we led to a consequential outcome just because we feared something, without questioning the fear itself in the first place.

‘Feeling sorry’ for another is another dimension of implying that I am in fact diminishing the other person from being able to own their creation, I am creating an experience toward them that sort of confirms their inability to ‘stand up for themselves’ while I know they are also capable, because I have done it for myself as well and so if I have done it, so can you, so can anyone. In other words, the best way to assist another person is precisely to not feel sorry for them or to go into an experience of ‘worry as care’ as I’ve shared in previous blogs, because that’s completely futile as real support.

Sometimes what’s required is what is commonly perceived as ‘tough love’ where allowing a person to face consequence is the best way to genuinely support another, to learn what it means to make a decision and live it fully into its completion, into a full creation where we can face what we’ve done, become and take responsibility for it from beginning to end – this is not about good or bad – but about experiencing what is the result and outcome of a continued participation in a particular intent, thoughts, experiences, plans, etc. And also to see what it means to face consequences based on actions or inactions that were truly in one’s hands to do and work on. 

So I decide to instead of ‘feeling sorry’ for others to rather first recognize their creation, their outcome as who they have been up to that point wherein no matter how ‘lost’ one may seem in the mind, there’s always this one moment of making a decision to feed the conflict or stop it and find ways to change. And here thus, it’s more honorable to break up a delusion of ‘being sorry for others’ as any form of care, and in my case rather integrate the realization that real care is the one that would show you the way in which you can face your creation, your consequences in a supportive manner, but preventing oneself from consequence is definitely only perpetuating self-abuse, a perpetual immaturity in living potential because that’s how we’ve ended up creating our gods, our authorities as parents, governments and the rest of it, where we then learn to blame when things go wrong and throw tantrums and create self-pity and victimization, instead of learning to stand up, review all the steps of our creation and own every step of it to the point of being able to fully recognize ‘this is me, I’ve done this, I’ve become this, therefore I can change’ because again, doing this is then empowering for each other, it’s what real freedom is from my perspective.

This is then a personal note whenever wanting to go into ‘feeling sorry’ or ‘pitying another’ to remind myself of owning our creations, learning from our consequences which is a very specific process for each one of us, of course according to our creation and that’s how we can also make of consequences a gift to see where we had to stand up in our lives, what we had not yet learned about ourselves and our capacity yet, where we still have to fine-tune our resolve in certain points of change – it’s all part of the process and so not to judge oneself or others for it and fall into an emotional experience for it, but stand up and learn from it.

In any case all I can ever do is assist others to realize the gift of owning our consequences, of the necessity of consequences many times for us to wake up from our slumber and also to learn to see these outcomes and outflows as our creation that we can change from now on, to not be defined by it but rather focus on learning how to stand up from it and make that be our strength and not a perpetual weakness.

Thanks for reading.

 

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501. Taking Responsibility Sets Us Free

Or how to Own our Creation, Learn from it and Stand up from it as a process of self-empowerment

 

This morning I noticed how we have the ability to wake up in stability but at the least movement of my mind assessing my current reality and a process of change and consequence I am facing, I experienced the movement of what I can define as energy in the form of anxiety and nervousness, also accessing imagination as future projections, outflows and potential situations where I would be facing and owning my creation, taking responsibility for a consequence I have co-created.

In these moments I also saw how in my mind, what I was doing is in fact bringing up the same anxiety or nervousness I had experienced in the past, long time ago when having to confront a situation, when I would mostly go into fear, anxiety, nervousness and worry while playing out these future moments in my mind where I would be confronting a situation, walking through the process it will involve and making it a worst case scenario in my mind through participating in these emotions charged to potential outcomes that I have associated with ‘worst case scenarios’ in my life before.

Therefore I had to stop and ask ‘what am I creating in this moment?’ because I could see this experience is here more as a memory of my past experience when facing somewhat similar consequences, yet I was re-enacting them again, exactly ‘feeling’ or ‘experiencing’ myself as who I was in those precise moments of imagining the worst and making of a situation that yes will involve changes, adaptations, walking through consequences yet in that moment I also actively decided to ask myself: why do I have to be the exact same memory of myself ‘back then’ when I am not the same person anymore that I was back then?

Here a very interesting point of awareness emerged which is noticing the conditioning of ‘who we are’ based on memories and past experiences wherein in my mind I learned to associate this kind of ‘problem’ or ‘conflict’ with a particular set of responses at an emotional level, which I was recreating to the T this time around.

So I saw how it is my decision to not play out those same experiences anymore – and what emerged was a bunch of justifications, how it is ‘normal’ to have this kind of emotions in situations like this and how it is kind of ‘expected’ for me to feel overwhelmed in this anxiety and nervousness – I decided to stop that again and instead focused on reminding me that those experiences I have self-forgiven, I have walked and understood as patterns that I have created before to ‘face’ things, but I had to now integrate within myself the realization that I don’t have to live through this consequence and situation just like every other time before when I had a ‘worst case scenario’ or what I’ve defined even as ‘worst case scenario’.

This also means that I realized it is up to me how I decide to See and Perceive things, which started from me stopping from the get to my ‘usual’ past ways of dealing with situations like this, feeling like a victim, feeling ‘worthless’ or feeling like I had done something utterly and completely wrong and that I was cursed for life – lol. So, yeah that was me facing a point that I created in my life and when it would not work out ‘the expected way’ I would yes, usually go into blame, victimization, not wanting to admit my role in the problem and consequences. All of that was disempowering as hell, because one can feed up those experiences as emotions up to the brim, and no result will ever come out of that, I can guarantee you, that’s how people spend years and years hooked on a kind of worst-past-case-scenario situation and existing in guilt, blame, remorse, what ifs, victimization, etc.. that’s definitely not who I decide to be this time in my life.

So, what is empowering is that I was able to make a clear decision to not judge others, to not hold it up ‘against’ anyone here, but entirely focus on my own responsibility in creating this situation/outflow as a problem, conflict or what I usually would define as ‘worst case scenario’ in my life, which is also something I am deciding now that I am writing it out to not see it that way, because that’s also how we condition ourselves to ‘label’ things in our minds and accordingly already prepare our ‘armor’ of emotions that usually go attached to ‘worst case scenarios’ and I decide to not do it any longer either.

Up to this time of the day, the anxiety or nervousness attached to future projections has come up several times, but I keep standing in that moment in my body and breathing and not even allowing the first ‘spike’ of the nervousness to ‘flourish’ but breathing it in, while realizing this is not what I decide to feed and letting it go.

Here of course understanding that I have worked on these emotions in relation to this situation real time when I saw the emotions becoming overwhelming, and from there living out the correction which is to not fuel, to not ‘go there’ and try and find anything in projecting these future moments – instead I have been reminding myself of ‘stick to the moment’ so as to not lay out my coming future in front of me as a series of unfortunate events, because surely, that’s how we doom ourselves in our day to day if we focus on all the ‘pile of things’ that we will face, but rather take it moment by moment, breath by breath and this has been a very supportive way to face this conflictive situations.

Another point then and as a title to this blog is owning my creation and realizing that taking responsibility for my part in the creation of this whole outflow comes from the moment that I stepped into the creation of this situation, and all the way through to what is now one of the outflows that I had also considered before, yet ‘went into it’ because I went into hope that it could function and work out for the best, but here again then reminding myself to not hold on to a potential so much if actions are demonstrating more than intentions the reality of things.

So, in my case then it is about reminding myself, actively, in every moment that an experience of sadness, sorrow, an experience of failure emerges in me, I remind myself that I have created this outcome, therefore there is no point in experiencing more about it, I can only focus on the next steps to create solutions.

Thus in owning my creation, my consequence I also empower myself in not depending on something or someone for me to stand up and be directive in my experience, because I don’t blame others or I don’t go into only seeing ‘the problem’ only and keep myself reacting to it – instead I understand that I can change my experience through it, that it doesn’t’ have to be as how ‘everyone faces conflicts’ in their lives and that this is again supportive in my life as I can only ever learn from my creation and take responsibility for it, to again consider these play outs and consequences for my life and what I decide to create for myself.

Here also then as I write that, a slight anxiety comes as changes are ahead, however again that is only based on a memory of how I used to always ‘face’ situations of change, of the unknown, or stepping out of a comfort zone, yet what do I know? I create my future in every moment that I am living here, there is no ‘future’ in fact guaranteed out there so in fact it is a series of decisions of what I do or don’t do on every moment.  I am also aware that no matter what, I have my self-trust, my self-awareness, my ability to discern and expand myself as it may be required.

Here then a very cool suggestion I got is to not only see the problems, conflicts or loss as ‘all the negative’ that we are having to change, correct, align and let go of, but also at the opportunities that emerge from it, what I gain as a process of growth with it because nothing in our lives, not even those ‘mistakes’ that we could hold us captive in blame for ages, are ‘in vain’ – we decide to make them ‘in vain’ if we don’t learn and grow from experiences, and we repeat the same and same and same over again.

Therefore I decide to also learn from my creation, to own it, to walk through it from its beginning to its end, and at the same time go walking through the challenges it will bring and see these challenges not as ‘difficulties’ but as opportunities to grow as well.

This is then what also ‘sets us free’ in owning our creation, in taking responsibility for what we’ve done and become, that we at the same time recognize our ability to change, to adapt, to expand, to grow and ultimately that’s what life is really about, whether we happen to like it or not, lol, the only thing that is certain is constant change and we can decide whether that change is for the best or for the worst, up to us yet, I also see that whenever ‘big’ consequences hit our doors, it is also an opportunity for growth.

So, I’d say it’s time for us to learn to approach problems, conflicts, consequences or so-called ‘worst case scenarios’ in absolute self-responsibility, willingness to learn from it and stand up from it. That’s the kind of decisions that I know! First hand, we are not ‘naturally’ doing or ‘comfortable’ with, and I noticed a load of memory baggage as reasons why I should be in a very bad emotional experience right now, but I decided to challenge that and at the same time work with whatever it is still coming out in my mind and so physical experience, because it also just won’t stop coming out, but I can definitely change who I am in relation to what ‘pops out’ and remain directive, take it breath by breath, moment by moment, and that’s how we can liberate ourselves from ‘the burden’ while at the same time not escaping or evading the consequence or point to change and walk itself, but remaining self-directive as one walks the consequence and at the same time seeing it as a point of self-change and self-growth.

Thanks for reading.

 

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Azul


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