Category Archives: fight

561. From Provocation to Self-Challenge

Or how to stop putting up a fight against the world and instead challenge oneself to grow in living terms

Something I tend to do quite often is watch interviews with people mostly in the field of music and arts in general, and yesterday while I was watching one about a movement in music that I had tried to ‘understand’ many times in the past in terms of placing into context its expression, without having done proper research on its background and ‘reason to be.’ And this is something I bring up again – because I am sure I have written about it before – in relation to what was coined as ‘black metal’ and in particular two individuals that were pillars to that ‘scene’ which might be too radical in many terms and I frankly don’t particularly like the music nor agree with everything they say, but I do appreciate in a way how at the time such movement and expression was a way to provoke, to ‘make noise’ literally, shouting and screaming in an attempt to wake people up or attempt to say ‘there is something really wrong going on in our lives’ and turning that into a particular sound, lyrics, and music that became a formula to replicate by many, and it was also a ‘movement’ that wasn’t paid by the same ‘system’ to create rascals or ‘punks’ – misfits and outsiders of the system’. Instead it was born in one of the countries with the ‘highest standards of living’ which is actually also socialist in nature – having several ‘holes’ when it comes to restricting people’s choices and decisions, leading to this ‘perfected’ living experience where in a way, self-responsibility is also left at the hands of ‘the system’ which these artists were intending to explain was something to very much question about such ‘controlled prosperity’ – which is a whole topic in itself that I won’t go to here today.

But, that’s the context of why this ‘outrageous expression’ came up in a form of musical tantrum so to speak lol and how I have been ‘drawn’ to controversial and ‘eccentric’ people because of having the guts to stand in temporary positions to question, challenge, dramatize or expose the reality that may become very ‘normal’ in our eyes and in that, yes arts and other expressions become a way to reflect back to ourselves what are we in fact taking for granted or no longer questioning or realizing about ourselves.

What I noticed is that I have tended to gravitate towards such personalities that seem to be rather provocative in nature and yesterday as I was reviewing one of those interviews again after a couple of years, I saw how the word ‘provocation’ came up and I could relate it to myself, which is an aspect that I’ve had within me my entire life and I mean, this has been there since I was a little child which started as a form of attention seeking through doing some ‘out of the norm’ things and later on it became a way to ‘stand out from the crowds’ and consider myself as ‘special’ while being a teenager; and later on standing as a point of provocation in a more intellectual manner in my early adulthood and throughout starting this process with Desteni as well, where I started ‘speaking up to’ whatever I could find I had a thing or two to criticize about, to spew some ‘facts’ about while at the same time attempting to direct it towards a solution, which might or might not have been the best way to approach it but, as everyone else, this was part of my ‘awakening’ process so to speak and early on reactions to what I was realizing about myself and the world we live have co-created.

Now my usual current reaction to that aspect of myself was of embarrassment because of having judged myself for how antagonistic, critical and sometimes plane arrogant I was when addressing a particular subject and without intending to necessarily ‘blame’ others, the attitude and approach was still coming through within starting point of judgment, of denial of ‘that’ which I was speaking of as a part of myself as well. In essence humbleness was lacking and my role at the time became that of ‘pushing buttons’ to see who I could provoke and get to ‘think and question more,’ which I now understand is simply a part or phase of my life/process wherein I used this ‘tool’ of provocation to stir reactions and within that, attempt to direct towards solutions, but definitely focused so much more in explaining the problem that little was left to actually share how to get to the solution, at an individual level.

That’s how upon hearing again about this initial attempt of people currently labeled as ‘black metal’ that intrigued me for quite some years, I realized that it was also their attempt as teenagers to say something, to ‘wake people up’ with certain lyrics and sounds, but there was no actual discourse being given in a clear manner where people could in fact ‘get’ what it was all about. And it is only through the words of the people involved in that movement now that they’ve grown older that one can understand better what the whole drama was about back in the early nineties.

I could see myself reflected in these individuals’ points of view and ways of ‘speaking their mind’ because I was also very keen on doing that and perceiving that I wasn’t affecting anyone by doing it, until I got to understand a ‘little’ key aspect related to our oneness and equality, who we are as being in fact life and ‘made of the same’ which renders every form of judgment in an attempt to ‘separate’ oneself from that which we judge utterly futile, considering that we can only really ever speak about ourselves no matter how much there is an attempt to ‘expose’ or ‘blame’ or ‘criticize’ others, it’s always us doing it to ourselves anyways.  

And that’s a life-changing realization that led me to currently understand how this provocation that I was attempting to do was a phase, a part of my life – very much like these teenagers that put on make up on their faces and dressed in black clothes in an attempt to disturb and provoke or stand out from the crowds, while forgetting to send a clear message as to ‘what’ they were really wanting o create a statement about – which tends to happen in our lives where I’ve seen in my case how many times I was ‘angry’ at the world and I didn’t even know or investigate within me what ‘exactly’ about it was bothering me. I was apparently just ‘fed up’ about everything, not ever realizing I was fed up and angry at myself because of knowing that there was something to change within me, something to ‘break free from’ and realign to a better version of myself, but I had no way to do it, didn’t even know where to start either, so that’s how many can end up stuck in emotional tantrums ‘against the world’.

That’s how upon getting to Desteni I was able to finally come to understand more about this ‘constant experience’ that I had projected onto the world out there, which was in fact knowing that there could be so much more to life, to my life, to myself than being this angry and despondent individual that would end up bitterly wallowing into depression – yep that was one of the possible outcomes if I had not made the decision to walk this self-awareness and self-change process.

I have to even say that I wasn’t even aware that I was ‘angry’ at all, because it had become me and the very way I look at reality itself, we don’t even realize how anger is also about ourselves knowing that we can in fact do better, become a better individual yet we keep doing the exact same opposite of changing for the better day by day. Instead the seemingly ‘easy’ way out is to do the opposite to that, and it only backfires for the most part, layering up all of the emotional experiences and irresponsibility every moment we don’t stand up from it. So I’ve been walking this process to see what was I in fact uncomfortable and angry about in relation to me, my life, what I was initially not readily willing to admit I had done onto myself and onto life as this world – not only individually but collectively as humanity.

If I had only stayed in that stage or phase of becoming ‘too aware’ of how things work, getting to understand the intricacies of this massive ‘system’ and remained within the idea that ‘I am not part of it, it’s a bunch of other people that created it,’ I would have ended up being mostly a bitter person that would be constantly angry about anything going wrong in this world and possibly would have escalated into a chronic depression and meaningless life… sad but true if I had not been able to become aware of who I really am as this whole creation, where there’s really no separation between ‘you’ and ‘me,’ and that’s the most humbling realization and process of assimilation that led me to ‘take off my shield’ and start peeling off the hard veneer I had grown as forms of intellect, arrogance, righteousness and yes ultimately provocation ‘against others,’ towards developing a much more understanding and eventually humble and gentle approach to who I am as an individual – and so towards others, which yes I’m still very much practicing – that are an equal and one (part) of this whole self that is ourselves.

I remember while going through art school seeing many works and expressions that were intended to do just that, ‘provoke’ yet my constant conclusion on all of it was that I would appreciate a more direct meaning and explanation to what they were in fact trying to do, but most of the times the reality is that we –  because I’ve been there myself – were no different to the black metal people that were trying to cause a stir and disturb in one way or another to potentially ignite a ‘wakeup call’ about what we see is something that is utterly ‘out of place’ or ‘plain wrong’ about our reality, but little do we also investigate within ourselves to see who we are as part of that which we are becoming aware of is not supportive, plain ‘backwards’ or simply outrageous to see it as part of our reality – meaning taking the time to investigate its creation and existence within ourselves first, understanding it and not ‘reacting’ to it but rather coming up with a solution one can live to ‘fix’ that part of self instead..

And that’s what I am grateful I have been able to do and continue doing for myself, to ‘decode’ many times what I wanted to express in a more ‘silent’ manner through certain attitudes ‘against the world’ that I believed could lead me to someone at any point asking me ‘what is it that I was seeing as ‘utterly wrong’ in my reality?’ which never happened by the way, no matter how much pain, sorrow, depression, anger or frustration one can experience about ‘our world, our creation’ it usually leads nowhere but only into a form of personal decay if we don’t stand up from it and instead learn to Act about it.

That’s what one of the guys from this movement has been able to do in his own particular way and set of principles, which is cool that people can give a generally ‘constructive outcome’ to what initially emerged as rage, anger, frustration and plain intellectual antagonism against a society or ‘world system’ or ‘life’ in general. It’s always cool to see artists that can give steps further even beyond only the music, beyond the ‘creations’ that we get to know of them and instead also use their art and creations as bridges to get to know about the person, their lives, principles, what they stand for – which I’ve found becomes a richer process which leads to a more clear, direct and less speculative message when getting to hear the words and see the lives of these people – or at least how they show it.

And this is also another point I wanted to remind myself about which I had also found frustrating when trying to communicate only through an image, where I had not linked it to words, and sometimes where I had not even actually gotten to understand myself and what I really wanted to say and express in relation to a point of creation. Whereas now, I am definitely interested in being able to express the process behind any point of expression and how it relates to a personal reflection, because this is precisely how art becomes meaningful if and when we decide to make of our lives something meaningful as well, and this is then not only limited to creating a piece of art in itself, it extends to any point or aspect of self-creation ultimately as the creators that we all are, and that’s how ‘speculation’ can be somewhat prevented when we are direct and upfront on what we stand for, what we express, the principles behind it, the part of ourselves that is invested on creating anything in our lives and with that, being able to stand in the world as a self-created piece of art really, not one that is only following the pre-established lines of our particular contexts and coincidences that led us to ‘be here,’ but where we truly take the wheel of our lives into the direction that we decide to give to ourselves.

Now that’s the kind of people that I also get inspired by, even if I don’t fully ‘agree’ with them and their views, ways of living or thinking – but the sheer act of having that independence, that drive, self-respect and commitment to stay ‘true to themselves’ is something cool about us as human beings, even more so if it is geared to living in a common sensical, supportive, self-responsible and self-aware manner, which is what I want to continue being able to express and share in whichever means and ways I can in and as my life.

So! Where do I stand in relation to provocation today? It is a word that I can redefine, removing the extra energy-buzz that I’d get from ‘provoking’ others through words or looks or actions in an attempt to ‘wake others up’ – which is then mostly using a ‘shock’ factor to attempt to make others ‘do something’ about it without even explaining ‘what’ exactly. Instead I take the word provocation entirely back to myself, where there is no longer that need or attempt to ‘make others react’ or ‘make others think,’ but simply express myself, my life, my creations as a statement in itself, a ‘this is who I am and how I live’ without having ‘others’ in my mind as the starting point to my self-challenge, lol because it is about myself anyways.

This is how I walk through the provocation intended to stimulate others in a reactive manner and instead simply continue provoking myself, which in its root meaning implies ‘challenging’ myself within the context of stepping out of my self-defined limits, out of the ‘religion of self’ and into an expansion, a growth which I’ll also be now doing in terms of letting my hair grow back after 7 years of what I can consider a very relevant phase of deconstruction, understanding, ‘death of self’ and rebirth that I’ve been going through as of late, which is a phase I also want to link this phase of having shaved my head as a statement that I now see of course remains within me beyond looks, where it is now me transitioning into a new phase where I want to deliberately mark the self-creation and self-expansion phase.

Sure enough, being bald was another way of provoking myself, challenging myself for quite a prolonged time I’d say and it worked well considering how many ‘issues’ about self-image would come up every time that anyone would kind of cringe about it, which I’ve also then realized is seldom something that leads to an actual in depth point of understanding as to ‘why’ I did it, which also proves back to myself that yes, I did it for myself and the test is sufficiently done. Now it’s going in the reverse way, challenging myself to grow it back which I had frankly now resisted to do, partly because I’ll lose some benefits like getting better seats in airplanes or free ice lollies… I am sorry about that confusion; it was always just me shaving my hair daily.

 I realized I have to reinvent myself, which is no different to re-create or create myself in a different way and continue stepping out of comfort zones, because that’s what leads to expansion, embracing, getting to connect more with others, getting out of ‘fixed ways’ which to me is definitely something I want to continue challenging in various ways.

Ok! Who knew that one single word could open up so many things to me? Yep! Taken back to self, keeping challenging myself instead of ‘putting up a fight’ against the world lol.

Thanks for reading.

 

Balancing act

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


403. How to Stop Living in Defense Mode

I have previously discussed how it is that we condition ourselves to create/put on a hard veneer in order to – let me be frank – not be fucked with/bullied/attacked by others and how this becomes like a second skin growth to actually make up for an initial experience of being vulnerable or having felt attacked by others words/actions. Here we can see how we condition each other to be constantly expecting the worst from one another, and so becoming the ‘fighters’ in the battlefield that we’ve created of our lives.

There are various reasons for this, one can be survival which is the way we have conditioned ourselves, our human nature to be guarding our own interest out of fear of others taking it away or abusing each other to get the most with the least effort etc. Another one is more related to that ‘attack’ that exists as a violent action toward one another, verbally/psychologically speaking while at the same time having the possibility to escalate to become physical as well. This is how I could see that we begin ‘corrupting’ ourselves0 when taking each others words personally, as a ‘personal attack’ and so create it in the form of bullying or ‘trollism’ as it exists now.

Here I’ll focus on a rather simply form in which I’ve noticed my own ‘defense-mode’ and what are the reasons for it. I’ve been actively participating in answering/interacting on YouTube and forums wherein I have had one of the most vivid evidences of how we can attack each other just for the sake of winning a ‘battle’ in our minds, just for the sake of ‘being right’ and making one another look like ‘an ass’ because ‘they are wrong’ and so in essence co-creating  just another virtual battlefield to breed human hatred or perpetuate the ‘Divide and Conquer’ mind frames which I initially would react to in an emotional way upon reading such denigrating, defaming,, spiteful, violent and even life threatening comments we would get on a daily basis as a result of what we publish, which is all about life in equality, living rights, what is best for everyone, etc.

So, looking back,  this is what I see as a cool ‘training ground’ when it comes to facing the REAL human nature and not only see the one I had believed in  – such as the good nature one – while being locked in my ‘home bubble’ and my limited environment with limited interactions, where I yes certainly did face bullying and backstabbing from ‘friends’ at an early age, prompting me into quite a ‘depression ‘ at the age of 7, 8 because of not being able to fathom such ‘harm’ imposed toward me from another at first, until I had the support from my mother to realize I did not have to take others words/actions personally – which was great support and led me to become rather independent from sheeple mentality while going through school. I did, however, become somewhat defensive in my personality, I could say that yes I had clear principles but a lot of it was also from the starting point of showing ‘others’ that ‘you can’t mess around with me,’ it worked to a certain extent – but what happens when that ‘veneer’ becomes ‘who you are’ and how one dictates one’s every interaction?

 

I see that the defense-mode that I am able to act out upon in one moment actually stems from acting once again based on past experiences/memories where I still place myself in such ‘defense mode’ meaning being ready to be ‘attacked’ from the moment that I, for example,  read a YouTube comment and so, instead of unconditionally reading the words that a person is placing, I already see where I can ‘find the point they are missing out on’ or what they are ‘defending’ or where they are trying to ‘prove me wrong, so that I can ‘point it out back’ and so this is something that I became used to do back in the day where we were certainly first becoming more aware of what each person implied in their words, which has been supportive nonetheless. But I see that I require to now and from here on step down from continuing that mechanism/way; this actually happened to me yesterday where I did thankfully get feedback from the person that I replied to on YouTube saying: “Marlen? I commented because you right on the money!  Thank You!”  The first word as my name with a question mark implying that they probably didn’t understand why I had replied in such a ‘harsh’ manner. And so I realized that I had come through toward him in the same old ‘attack-mode’ and ‘defense-mode’ instead of just seeing where the person is coming with the comment, what I can agree on as that’s our common ground and then expanding a bit on it without having the starting point of ‘proving him wrong’ or judging his very reply for not considering all points that I see but simply focusing on what I can do to assist and support to expand on the points brought up and create a conversation from there.

Assist and support here are the key points, not to ‘defend my point’ or ‘defend my cause’ because that’s what creates the battlefield on YouTube, but rather keeping it simple when answering back and inviting the person to continue the dialogue instead of wanting ‘them’ to ‘change’ all of a sudden toward Me and what I have to say, as that would be me as ego wanting validation/acceptance from others right away. The same point applies when I have deemed others as being ‘defensive’ toward me and so judging others as ‘being on defense mode’/being on attack-mode but it is really only me projecting my perception upon them because I’ve ‘been there/done that too.

 

So the key here is to then when and as I see myself reading comments, reading/hearing another’s words, I assist and support myself to not go into the predisposition of fighting/ attacking another based on the belief/assumption that ‘they are here to attack me first’ and so, instead allow me to read the comment/words unconditionally, without expectations or already ‘sharpening my knife’ to ‘get back at them,’ as I see that within this starting point I perpetuate the conflict and not allow myself to be really HERE with/as the words written/spoken and so be able to interact/reply back within the consideration of what I can learn from what the person is explaining, what I can learn from them, where I see that I agree upon to also reply back and letting the person know I also see that/agree with it.

This implies: Seeing where there is a point where I can share from my own realizations, self investigations and not only from knowledge and information, all of this within the consideration of placing myself in another’s shoes, taking into consideration the words in one YouTube comment, one email, one conversation and ‘walking with’ to expand on a point of cognitive dissonance, misinformation, belief, or an emotional reaction to the points explained, so that I can also point it out in a considerate non-defensive, non-attacking, non-aggressive manner which means explaining to another a point the same way I would want another to explain it to me: with patience, with humbleness and gentleness so as to be able to let the other person know that I do stand as these principles I talk about at all times, this is who I am and this is the consideration, care, gentleness and humbleness toward others that I commit myself to live by when interacting with them, so as to not come through as ‘me having the truth’ or ‘me having to be always right’ but being also willing to see my faults, my mistakes, where I reacted to another’s words and so take responsibility for such reactions myself.

 

So to not go into ‘denial’ of my actions, which is what the vlog was about in fact wherein I received such comment, here I stand directive of such point which opened up yesterday and so I am directing it here, as I see that if I want to create a world of transparency, integrity and trust, I have to be doing just that myself, seeing, realizing, understanding my mistakes, my reactions, investigate where they ‘come from,’ understand them, self forgive them and most importantly, give myself a new direction as to how I am going to be living these corrections from now on whenever I interact with another.

 

 

Self Forgiveness and Self Correction

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a predisposition of ‘having to defend myself’ when replying to YouTube Comments or replying to others’ words whether written or in a conversation, instead of realizing how I perpetuate my own memories of the past and even from my childhood of how I had to be ‘wary’ of people’s words and actions toward me, which is why I became ‘edgy’ as well, not being able to trust others and as I’ve explained before, this is not about ‘trusting others’ but rather trusting me in being able to read/hear words in stability and be able to support myself unconditionally to interact, reply back within the consideration of what is self-supportive both for ‘them’ and ‘myself’ as two or more individuals establishing a communication and settling the way to create a point of communal understanding – not fighting or ‘proving each other right/wrong’

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how I am in fact perpetuating the current status quo in our relationships where we have focused so much on the winner/loser mentality, the ‘attacker’ and the ‘attacked,’ the bully and the bullied and where we believe that we constantly have to be ‘defending’ ourselves which can only exist if we are ‘coming from’ a starting point of ego as in seeing others as enemies, as ‘the problem,’ as ‘the ignorant ones and oneself being the ‘right one,’ through which we approach another from the vantage point of seeing another as inferior to myself and so believing that I have to ‘educate them’ with ‘what I know’ instead of being actually grateful that there are people that are still willing to reply in a comment to a YouTube video and so be able to hear/get to know what others’ perspectives on a subject and learn from it, see where we still have to ‘align’ our understanding, what are the main points where there is still a point tampering self-realization,  as well as being willing to correct ourselves if necessary and in the possible measure, being able to support and assist another to expand themselves a bit more – maybe point out some aspects they can do further investigation on, other blogs or vlogs to watch/read and so not immediately ‘showing the way out’ when the entire starting point of commenting by the other individual is to precisely establish communication and be able to continue it in the best possible way.

I realize that in our world nothing will be changing if we do not first focus on being able to get to hear /read one another, see where there is a common ground and build it from there, thus no longer existing in the ‘I’ll prove you wrong’ mentality.

 

I also realize that I have to be aware of not seeing myself as ‘the victim’ that is going to be ‘abused/attacked by others’ as in this position of victimization I then justify my ‘getting back at’ others as in ‘having to defend myself’ which is why in this world we, for example, allow the use and existence of guns, because we give into this mentality that ‘I have to protect myself, I have to be armed’ without first investigating why and what causes this abuse in the first place.

 

I realize that I have to stop projecting my past, and my ‘mind-frame’ that I had built around ‘commenting on YouTube’ as in ‘getting myself  into a battlefield’ and instead, read the comments from the starting point of being able to support myself, to learn from another, to see where I can improve my communication, identify and recognize where I wasn’t clear/what I missed and so expand through this communication instead of already wanting to ‘end’ the interaction by placing a comment that could be seen as ‘sparking up reactions’ which previously I had defined as supportive for the person to ‘face themselves’ but, we are in a different stage in our process so I now apply the point of being gentle and supportive with others, the same way that I would like a ‘stranger’ on YouTube to reply to my messages and comments as well, doing to another what I would like to be done unto in the same situation and in all cases for that matter.

 

I commit myself to use the opportunity of interacting with others either through comments on a website, on a forum, on every day conversations/interactions so that I can expand and support myself while at the same time assisting and supporting another, because it is in these seemingly ‘irrelevant’ or ‘small moments’ that actual windows of opportunity exist to ‘connect’ to others and let them also realize that there are solutions, there are people that do not fall into the usual patterns of the divide and conquer mentality, and so this is what I commit myself to living in all aspects of my everyday living and interactions with people from around the globe through the marvelous platform that the Internet is.

 

I commit myself to redirect my judgments upon others being ‘in a defense mode’ and instead be able to in such moments immediately take the point back to self and direct myself toward another in a way wherein I can apply consideration, humbleness, gentleness to place myself in their shoes so that I am able to best support them and expanding ourselves through using words or even behavior, voice tonality that indicates in stability that I am here, I hear you, I understand you, let’s clarify this/let’s expand on this/ have you considered this point about this that you mentioned here? so that it is and becomes a more ‘inviting’ way to continue interacting with another.

 

I commit myself to walk through my own ‘predisposition’ of being in this ‘defense-mode’ so that I can stand here, clear, open, available and willing to communicate and direct another’s questions and sometimes even curiosity and not fall into the ‘attacking-mode’ but to genuinely be able to consider their starting point and so walk-with, instead of walking-against others.

 

I commit my self to live the realization that ‘the enemy’ is really myself and my own assumption, my own mind, my own projections which means that in practicality I am then going to be open to read/hear words without going into reaction, without already ‘preparing’ my artillery to shoot with a barrage of points that have nothing to do with what was initially said either, but to also keep it simple and ‘grow’ the conversation from there.

 

I commit myself to only reply to comments/written and spoken interactions when I have given myself a ‘moment of clarity’ which means when I have breathed and ensured that I am in fact stable, here, that I am taking responsibility for my initial reactions or starting point toward another, and so be more open, willing and available for genuine communication, ensuring I have no interference/noise as my own reactions preventing me from hearing/reading another unconditionally.

 

I commit myself to ‘take back to self’ any judgments I may had toward ‘others’ as ‘them being the attackers’ or ‘them being in a defense-mode’ as in fact, that would mean me reacting in ego towards ego – lol – so the best way to interact with another is to work with the common sense of looking at words themselves, no assumptions, rather asking what they in fact mean if the point is not clear, but generally not jumping into assumptions, not taking my own knowledge, my own ego into consideration when interacting with others, as that’s where the shifts happen and the divide and conquer mentality is re-created, wherein I perceive that another is ‘not the same as myself’ and so I have to ‘prove them wrong’ according to me, which is where the problem exists.

So I instead commit myself to focus on directing the words, the comments, the situation for what it is, devoid of past grudges, preconditioning, preprogramming of ‘how I deal with others that I perceive are attacking me’ as I then live the realization that the ‘attack’ only exists in my mind as memories and experiences that I create when I take another’s words personally or as ‘going against me’ which is the ego-starting point of reading/hearing another, when we ‘take it personally’ instead of realizing that each one’s words relate to oneself only, and so I take self-responsibility.

 

I commit myself to in fact become a pillar of support for myself and others which means I cannot judge, I cannot avoid another or see them as ‘less than myself’ or as ‘ignorant’ but instead assist and support myself and others to transcend such limitations of the mind to work with what we have as our statements, see what we can agree upon and expand it from there, as Self Support.

 

So instead I am grateful that this point opened up so I could see what I was doing in this interaction and so be able to give it direction here for once and for all – so, thanks Tyler.

 

7.      Living the Principle of Self Awareness – to be aware, to see, to recognize my own thoughts and Mind, to be self honest to the extent where I can take responsibility for when I see my thoughts / Mind is not what is best for me / others and commit to immediately take responsibility and change for myself and so for others

The Desteni of Living – My Declaration of Principle

 

 

To learn more about taking responsibility for one’s mind, one’s reactions, please visit the following sites and join us in our endeavor too:


392. Why are Emotional Relationships a Fuckup?

Continuing from:

 

“So the disillusionment with arts have to do with My Own expectations about it. How I thought that this was ‘the way’ to change the world and of course I didn’t follow through with ‘becoming an artist’ in the traditional sense which I then perceived as myself already ‘opting out’ of it all and seeing the sheer idea of dedicating myself to ‘create art’ as utterly selfish, without realizing how much I had desired ‘that’ to be my reality before. I’ve also been recently sharing about these points with people, explaining how I’m not proud of the decisions I made earlier on in my life and how I would not recommend anyone to study arts. I do however not say ‘don’t study arts’ but simply place my own expectations, my own experience, my decision to do something else and how such studies were a nice platform but not real tools that I can apply to what I am doing now.” From 387. The Love/Hate Relationship with Art

 

Nostalghia

 

Facing Myself, my Relationships through the Relationship with Art

I suggest to read:  What does it Mean to Have a Relationship with Oneself? – An Artists Journey To Life: Day 608 by Andrew Gable

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my relationships based on emotions and feelings wherein it doesn’t matter whether it is arts or a person or a responsibility or a place, the moment that I create emotional and feeling attachments to places/people/objects/professions then I begin creating my own trap through definitions based on what I believe that ‘I like’ and what I believe is ‘my thing’ based on nothing else but emotions, feelings, experiences that I went attaching toward something/someone over time, and then believing that I am in fact all of these experiences, emotions and feelings in relation to something or someone, without realizing that such experiences cannot define what such something or someone is in fact, as it is all entirely self-created, it is me-myself that has created this experience within me.

Within this premise, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately automate the words ‘my relationship to/with something/someone’ being defined as an experience that I have built toward something or someone instead of the actuality of how I participate, interact with, communicate with /through something or someone and within that realizing that any experience that I create is entirely my own and has nothing to do with that something or someone but myself at all times.

Therefore I realize that the projections upon ‘art’ is in fact the experience that I have created toward the who I was within that time of my life when I chose to study art and that If I were to place myself within that same frame of mind 7 years ago, I would probably still go for that choice in life, which means that it is a decision I made entirely based on what I wanted to experience and who I wanted to be as a personality, an ego and satisfy my drive that I went building up throughout time to ‘make it’ within the art world – so this point I have opened up before however now I am able to see that it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself, I’ve made of art the excuse to project my own judgments toward my decisions, the way that I established relationships toward this something that I ‘built myself’ around, and as such because I realized I could not continue constructing myself as ‘an artist’ within the initial ideals I had, then I acted in spite and begun regretting and embarrassed by my choices in life as I see them as ‘useless’ without realizing that I was actually reacting at all the various others things I did in my life throughout that time of which I cannot be proud of either and that I cannot certainly recognize as ‘myself’ any longer so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to the relationships that I built with people and with specifically my career as ‘arts’ which in fact reflect all the choices in my life, the people that I chose to surround myself with and that I cannot really judge myself for who I was back then as back then I had no awareness of the points I am aware now.

So I realize that I have to stop being ‘hard’ on myself based on this hidden-experience of having ‘the past haunting me,’ and so be able to finally let go of it as I do not have to re-enact this kind of shame or embarrassment about myself, my past relationships, my emotionally-driven decisions in life because it is to realize that back then I didn’t know any other way – and so instead I am grateful to be able to be here writing myself, having deviated from ‘the path’ that I had initially chosen as god knows where the hell I would be if I had followed through my ‘lifestyle’ and the relationships I built around the same ego and personality that I was. I rather see and recognize that I’ve definitely moved on from that phase of my life, but! Also realizing that every time that I create an experience toward any memory, any relationship, any past choice including my decision to study arts, I recreate the entire network of ‘the who I was’ in my past and as such I continue enslaving myself to those relationships and only fuel the negative experiences that are the opposite polarity to the initial positive experiences that I used to build my relationships with people and with the profession/career I was veering myself toward.

And within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to follow the usual pattern within the mind which is ‘dissing’ something once that one has squeezed the last drop of positive experience out of it, which means that once that it ‘served me’ and ‘its purpose’ and I’ve hit the ground back into reality about it and I am no longer seeing visions based on emotional and feeling experiences, then I go into the opposite polarity of talking bad about it and feeling righteous within that, without realizing that it is only the predetermined and rather predictable outcome from an initial positive experience that I created with such ‘passion’ about it that when the whole experience was no more, I ‘dropped’ down to the bottom and the opposite – so it happened just like a typical relationship wherein people first get in love with each other and as time progress and the energy runs dry, they part ways and talk shit about each other, so that’s what I did toward ‘art,’ and I didn’t even realize it because to me it was so right that it hadn’t fulfilled my expectations that I believed I had ‘the right’ to feel that way about it, without seeing the obvious: it was a feeling, an emotion, a judgment that came from nothing else but the ‘who I was’ toward art and so, within this ‘dissing’ recreating my past relationship to art over and over again – trapping myself in my own past.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to form emotional relationships toward what I deemed as ‘my career’ or ‘my path’ which in this case was art/being an artist and within this allow a physical process to become a rather emotionally driven relationship, similar to those that I’ve walked with individuals wherein there are a lot of feelings and emotions attached to something/someone that I want to hold onto and when the relationship is no more, such dependency then turns into a ‘lack’ of this fulfillment gotten from something or someone and as such, it turns into a form of bitterness ‘toward something or someone,’ without realizing that this all is really not about ‘art’ in itself or the people in my past relationships or else, it’s about myself and how I created relationships of dependency upon others in order to ‘satisfy me’ or ‘complete me’ or give me some kind of experience to which I could define myself, build myself, construct and upgrade myself as the ego that I was wanting to be within the ‘who I am’ as a professional artist as well as within the relationship formed in relation to who I am as an artist and in relationship to others.

 

Therefore I realize that the best way to follow through with this is to entirely let go of my experiences toward my past specifically and so be able to give myself back to myself as being able to focus on what is here, what I am working with, what I am developing as myself and also to align my relationship to art and be able to enjoy it, visiting museums or read about it, hear it, interact with it without loading the entire experience of ‘going to the museum’ and defining myself according to that any longer.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be spiteful in the past few years and whenever I would talk about some forms of contemporary art become infuriated and a bit angry about what I defined as being utterly selfish and self-centered and ‘useless’ to the problems that I was then realizing were ‘much more important than that’ – and in this, I still agree that there are more important points in life than some kinds of art that are merely conceptual and contemplative and ‘useless’ as a tool to create practical solutions to the world – however, this obviously doesn’t justify the fact that I’ve been spiteful and holding this love-hate relationship to it, and within this only fueling an inner conflict of still being interested in or curious about the current art forms that are emerging while at the same time judging it as useless so here

I had considered myself to feel bitter about art

art-should-be

Bitter: causing pain or unhappiness. Feeling or showing angry hurt or resentment

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel bitter about art as in becoming resentful toward it and toward the people that create it, not realizing that I had exactly done the opposite for a prolonged period of time which is why the inner conflict arose in the first place, all based on me wanting to make of art the quintessential human experience and making it the most ‘honorable profession on Earth’ or so, and so believing that being an artist was the same or similar thing as to say I was chosen by god and/or touched by god, so in essence a lot of delusions of grandeur that I created within me and that I projected toward art. So, this bitterness as in being angry, resentful, dissatisfied toward art has to do with me having to let go of my own desires/hopes/dreams related to me becoming an artist. So once again, it has nothing to do with ‘art’ in itself but the expectations and experiences I created toward it and so, when realizing I had to stop pursuing my mind any further and only feeding my ego, that’s when the opposite relationship came up.

When and as I see myself feeling bitter about any form of art that I may see, read about or even people that create art and discuss their work – I stop and I breathe, I ensure that I am not tensing my physical body and experiencing that bolt of energy within me wanting to ‘let them know the truth about their creation’ which is in fact nothing else but me wanting to ‘express’ through reaction, as if I had ‘the truth’ within myself and so within this actually becoming nothing more than an ego that wants to be recognized for ‘my new position’ which is not really supportive but only a packet of resentment, judgments and overall bitterness toward that which I once praised.

I realize that this all comes from how much the entirety of ‘my world’ and ‘myself’ that I deemed as ‘real’ and ‘genuine’ were in fact not, so this whole relationship with art I remember very well was the first initial ‘big hit’ that I took when understanding who we are as the mind, as a preprogrammed mind consciousness system and that the thing I feared losing the most was the personality I had created through/as art and having chosen that path for myself, which is why that initial big fear of loss about this self-definition had such a ‘big impact’ in the aftermath, wherein I allowed myself to not be entirely self-directive toward art but instead then create the opposite polarity and so still participating within the mind. And this came through even though I believed I was ‘well over with it,’ only to test out not long ago that there were still reactions coming through the more ‘artistic’ documentaries I would watch and wanting to ignore the reactions to it until I simply believed that I had to ‘speak my mind’ about it – and yes, it was ‘my mind’ and a till here no further to when and as I see myself questioning or asking another about their creation from the starting point of the ‘bitter drop-out of an artist’ that I became in my mind, and so stop defining myself based on the choices of the past and focus on communicating or creating a dialogue based on what we can learn from it, what can be useful to understand our human condition or even innovate and take points to be creative in the ways that I can support myself and others through this process while using art as a supportive tool for it, without endowing it the entire ‘duty’ of ‘changing the world’ in itself, which as I’ve previously discussed, it’s impossible.

When and as I see myself wanting to create an experience of spite or disdain and bitterness toward ‘art’ and seeing it as useless or pointless while at the same time being curious about it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that both the negative and positive experiences are only re-creations of the ‘who I was’ in the past as an art-lover and then the who I became as the anti-thesis of that which was pretty much being very critical toward art within a negative context, and so I simply stop, breathe and observe/interact with it without creating any experience but rather seeing it objectively for what it is. And this is the challenge really because I had cult-ivated the experiences attached to works of art and becoming emotional about it, which I also learned from books at the same time. So I realize that all of my emotions and feelings are in fact nothing else but knowledge and information that I’ve translated into energetic experiences that serve no purpose for me to interact with something or someone.

 

I commit myself to be able to be here as breath while witnessing performances, watching/visiting museums or art galleries and also to remain here as breath when getting too excited about seeing something because that’s also once again recreating the same pattern of the visual vicious – which I’ve talked about extensively of – and so realize it’s just images, it’s just pictures, it’s just a part of reality and the only way I can ‘react’ to something is if I ‘load’ all my past-definitions in order to react based on memories and the knowledge that I had built around art and the ‘who I am’ toward art. So I can practically simply stop those past definitions and focus on reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read about the Stendhal syndrome in some book and consider that I would get this kind of experiences such as seeing ‘the sublime’ and mostly images that would depict the end of the world, which is why I focused myself so much on depicting the end of the world and getting a kick out of it, and believe that these emotions were ‘normal’ to me and that I had all the right to ‘express them’ but, the reality is that it was all a self-created experience and that there was no ‘magic’ or ‘real connection’ to painting or anything like that which I believed was something ‘special’ within me. Therefore I realize that these experiences were pretty much all created within my desperate need to ‘feel something’ because I had deemed the ability to ‘feel’ as in becoming emotional as special, as sensitive, as ‘unique’ in a human being – and so I created my own web of experiences according to how I would see others would feel and so mimic it, read books that were very emotional and then going determining what I would find as ‘emotional’ and what I would like to experience and so integrate as part of the ‘who I was’ as the characters that I read about and that I eventually wanted to create for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to made of past relationships as something conflictive and filled with ‘turmoil’ inside my mind as I realize that this was also part of the definition of who I wanted to be as a very sensitive person in order to be able to have stories to tell or talk about, as I believed that I had to suffer to make any real art. Therefore, I realize that any experience I created toward something or someone wasn’t part of reality as such, but entirely self created in my mind. Within this, I realize that also in my relationships the experiences I created about others were never ‘real’ as such, but only the plethora of experiences and definitions I created upon them – that’s why once the energy ran dry and seeing the individuals or situations that I was in within my life with sober eyes and frame of mind, the ‘truth’ of myself and the interactions with others/something came through as it is.

 

So a way to redefine a relationship it is to first of all no longer define tit through/as an emotion or feeling, something that we believe is ‘real’ in the mind based on memories, ideas, beliefs, past experiences that we then make real as our preference, as that which ‘we want,’ without taking physical reality into consideration.

Therefore an emotional relationship will always end up as a ‘fuck-up’ if it is not aligned to physical reality wherein I can stand as an individual that first of all ponders what it is that I sought in my relationship with something/someone that I believed I didn’t have myself, alone – and so realize that whichever I was expecting to get from ‘art’ or someone in my life were and had been all points of separation, illusions that I believed were unable to be experienced within me. So this is how the best way to create a relationship with someone or something is to ensure that it is seen through the eyes of physical reality, where no emotions, feelings, no past experiences, no ideals, wants, needs or desires become a decisive factor in terms of defining who I am toward others, as all I have to consider is myself and within doing that I can then interact with something/someone based on the principles that I can integrate within myself, as the relationship that I want to establish for myself so that no matter what I do, where I am, with who or alone, I remain stable, supporting myself, getting to know about others in the relationships formed with my reality, recognizing myself as one and equal with them, instead of seeing them as points to ‘fulfill me’ or things/experiences that I believed I lacked.

I realize that it’s been supportive to revisit this aspect of ‘my relationship to art’ to review my state of affairs in relation to other relationships based on emotions in the past, and so to focus on preventing further ‘fuckups’ as the ups and downs and polarity relationships of ‘love and hate’ as that is all of the mind –  instead there are more physical aspects and perspectives to consider here as well.

Life on Earth in itself is built through relationships, so I cannot define relationships only as personal relationships with something or someone, but rather realize that we are all made of and constantly require and exist as relationships that define the way we live in our world – therefore the more we are able to act, participate and be part of these relationships in a physical and common sensical manner without being driven by desires, hopes, dreams, fantasies and illusions, the more we will be able to begin changing the focus of our reality – from the distraction that emotional relationships are to a rather physical process of aligning ourselves to that which enables our coexistence in the best possible manner – no feelings/emotions required for that, no special relationships but rather the equalization and realization of who I am as this interdependence

 

to be continued…

Mechanical Heart 06

 

To learn more about how to establish proper Relationships suggest the Re-defining Relationships – Agreement Course  as well as:


312. Are Rebellion and War the Same?

While watching OBEY, a video documentary based on Chris Hedges’ work, the point of war emerged again to see how the solutions given by the people that edited the video was to Rebel which no one seems to realize it means: wage war against the system, even if most would dispute there is a ‘difference’ in meaning, in actions I can only see it is virtually the same:

war
n    noun a state of armed conflict between different countries or different groups within a country. a state of competition, conflict, or hostility: a price war. a sustained campaign against something undesirable: a war on drugs.
n    verb (wars, warring, warred) engage in a war or conflict.

 

rebel
n    noun  a person who rebels.
n    verb  (rebels, rebelling, rebelled) rise in opposition or armed resistance to an established government or ruler. resist authority, control, or convention. show or feel resistance or repugnance.

 

What’s the Essence of these two words War and Rebel? Friction, conflict, competition, hostility, resistance, repugnance and Armed Conflict, all of these characteristics have one single origin in common: the Human Mind.

 

Problem:                                                                      

“WHY has Consciousness – for only those with Money Evolved, and Technology within the World System/Money System evolved, where for most part, those that are in Control within this Physical Existence, has utilized their ‘evolved Consciousness and Technology’ for means of War, and Profit through/from War to Protect Resources, Investments and Money within/on/as this Physical Existence? Why has our Relationship to the Physical Body, this Physical Existence, the Animals, Nature – THAT which in fact gives us Life, Not Evolved? Why has actual Life/Living Conditions for ALL in/as equality and oneness Not Evolved?”  – Sunette Spies*

 

 

It is astounding that Wars have been accepted as the way to regenerate Economy, expand territory, snatch resources, gain slaves, raw materials or ‘rights’ to have a say on someone’s territory. We can see how due to Private Property, Rights, Power and the ability to exert all of these with ‘proper justifications’ is what leads to justify War as a means to Defend One’s Right. We are Continuing from the ‘righteous’ structure Capitalism defends, in which Power is linked to Money – which we have already disclosed, but also Wars as a basic element to maintain and upgrade such Structure of Power. 

 

In a letter that Sigmund Freud sent to Albert Einstein in order to elucidate or ‘shed some light’ on the human instinct to wage war, one can read some conclusions that might have been revealing at the time, but yet again there was no definitive straightforward solution. It was mostly attributed to a ‘human instinct’ which was identified as an aggressive, destructive/ hatred instinct.  Going back to the point of Might Makes Right, I bring this quote forth:

“Thus the attempt to replace actual force by the force of ideas seems at present to be doomed to failure. We shall be making a false calculation if we disregard the fact that law was originally brute violence and that even today it cannot do without the support of violence”  – Sigmund Freud  (1932). “Why War?,” Letter Response

 

How does this tie with using ‘Power’ as a form of  abuse to overcome Power?

Humanity has managed to justify the desire to retaliate, take revenge and exist in spitefulness when perceiving that their Rights have been violated. According to Ayn Rand, Rights can only be violated ‘by the use of physical force,’ which enables us to understand why keeping people working with slave wages is Not a Violation to Human Rights within this context. This is the use of Power as Intellect that can determine ‘what is right and what is wrong’ as a Moral code that stems from the Power-Structure in itself, to keep itself clean, ethical and righteous at all times.

 

This is what enrages the majority: Our Rights are being Violated, but seriously: have we EVER Respected ourselves as Equals? Have we EVER considered every single individual living organism as the actual actors that enable Life possible? All that I see within these ‘elucidations’ about rights and wars is the human intellect justifying the right to abuse and as such to retaliate, while attempting to create Peace by suggesting turning to the opposite forces that lead both war and rebel, which is ‘love’ for the most part, which is a profoundly misconstrued and misunderstood word that we have not in fact ever lived throughout Human civilization, because every single word we’ve lived within the context of Feelings and Emotions of who we are as the mind.

Yet, we accepted the existence of such words in our own mind, as our own nature that plotted mechanisms to violate/ disregard/ abuse each other in the first place, the origin and source of that want, need or desire to abuse and disregard all other fellow living beings exists within Human Nature, who we are as the Mind in itself as Consciousness is the factor that Freud wasn’t able to pinpoint, because a Mind won’t see itself as the problem, but only as certain attitudes, behaviors or ‘instincts’ that we believe are ‘beyond our grasp’ and as such, justify with them being ‘untamed forces’ that have lead us to now justify Wars with moral and empathetic justifications like Nationalism, Defense, Pride and keeping the world ‘At Peace.’ Not many seem to see the obvious problem of Waging War Against Terror either.. A complete paradox, but what isn’t at this stage in our reality?

 

Righteousness is the fuel to rebel: someone is abusing/ offending/ violating your rights – but again, have we ever lived in an actual State of Right, of actual regard to each other as equals? No, hence rebelling stems from the experience of Powerlessness when understanding to what extent we have delegated our living-rights to this ‘Might Makes Right’ principle that sustains our current Corporate Capitalistic System. The way in which this perfect hate machine has been built and constructed is through laws and force – this is political decisions that are then taken to justify wars as ‘defense’ which is currently being used as a means to profit by corporations, which are the greatest investors in the war industry, not to say that in America’s case, their greatest economic activity has become the War Industry in itself. And now people are ‘waking up’ and wanting to use the same means of extortion to retaliate against the Pretty Hate Machine? Absolutely paradoxical and one Must see the common sense in that.

 

Self Interest is the origin of Power,since such form of Power can only exist in separation ‘Divide and Conquer’ and Wars do just that. Rebelling is Attacking the ‘imposed order’ by the same means a war is waged, what are the odds in such  play out when no human life is regarded as ‘Life’ but as a number to oppose and exterminate? This is how Rebels end up in jail or killed or assassinated, they all tried to Oppose the system by the use of force, retaliation, vengeance and civil disobedience .

Watch:

 

“You didn’t come from the Planets ‘Out There’ – you came from the Planet Earth. You’re not an Alien from another Planet, you’re an Alien from the Planet Earth. And, that is Why you’re an Alien on Earth that Destroy All the other Life Forms, because – you’re an Alien Invader. You only Look at your Own Self-Interest. You don’t regard the Other Life Forms that come from the same Source as you did, with the same Life Force that you have – as your Equal. They’re in fact far more than you, because they make your Existence Possible. You’re not making their Existence Possible. They don’t Need you. They can Exist without you…All of them. You can’t Exist without THEM.” – Bernard Poolman+

 

Solution:                                                               

The Solution to war is understanding that you cannot fight a fire with Fire, that’s the absolute stupidity of what the majority of humanity seems to be overlooking: protesting, opposing, rioting, wanting to ‘have all the power back’ can only lead to a reversed war that will lead us nowhere if we do not stop and see how all the rage and anger for having our ‘Rights violated’ is in fact just another fuel for the system to continue upgrading itself: further control, further repression and this is why we are locking ourselves even further the more we bark and demand change –but wait a minute, who has created this

 

Freud’s solution stand along the lines of : Strengthening the intellect, governing instinctual life, internalization of aggressive impulses, a change in cultural attitude, and the justified dread of the consequences of a future war – there is certainly no radical solution within this which is the same as hoping that human nature will change by itself.

 

Solution is Living Self Forgiveness, walking an individual process to Recognize what Self’s Responsibility is within the entire confabulation of this system as it exist now, it is not an ‘isolated imposition,’ it is weaved and perpetuated by each one of our individual thoughts, words and deeds within this state of ever-evasive self-interest that leaves no room for Common Sense which is Do and Be what is Best for All as Equals. Within this premise, the understanding of War will be clear: we can’t fight against ourselves, we can’t oppose our own creation, we can’t seek to ‘out do’ what we have sown in the first place. This is thus an individual process of stopping, correcting and changing the individual Human Nature of greed, power, desire to manipulate, control, be ‘the authority’ and have ‘More’ than others. Learning how to coexist as equals, learning the physical laws of nature will enable us to understand that we Cannot keep  allowing the Mind to dictate, the Intellect to define what’s Right or Wrong, we have to consider physical solutions wherein the nature of the Social Organism is considered – not what’s ‘right’ or ‘wrong’ according to morals, but a physical understanding of the necessary conviviality and symbiotic relationships that we have to forge from scratch if we in fact want to create a sustainable and peaceful future.

 

There is no value in retaliating, rebelling, fighting, opposing, it only leads to further separation and consequence wherein such war is not realized as a war against Self, sin ‘They’ and ‘Them’ are also Yourself/ Myself/ Ourselves.

 

Rewards:                                                                        

It’s quite obvious that the results from ourselves being able to coexist as Equals, give to each other the Right to Live with all the Best that we can create as a living sustainable system is the definition of a Utopia that has only existed in books and in the dreams of those that would also seek to ‘overcome  Power,’ but see, Power doesn’t have to be ‘overcome’ or ‘powered-out,’ it has to be distributed in Equality, it has to be recognized as each individuals Right to Live in a self-determined state wherein money is no longer a means to fight for or strive, but a right that will be available for all to in fact then learn how to live, which is something we haven’t done thus far, we have only learned how to ‘cope’ and ‘retaliate’ and keep fighting and resisting others due to our delirium of owning what is of the Earth and having it taken away in an arbitrary mode. Why haven’t we realized that establishing an Equality System will lead to the ever sought peace and harmony on Earth’

Only Self Interest can stand in the way, and that is the Mind and the Mind is each one’s Self Responsibility

 

I can paint the greatest picture of Rewards here, however it is quite common sensical that each one’s right when structured and founded upon Equality as Life will lead to the best of the living experiences possible in accordance to respecting, valuing and honoring each other as equals, and this is an individual decision to be made, this is what each one of us must decide to stand for – no more countries or parties or rebellious acts to defend, but one single outcome to honor and live by: Giving to each other what we want for ourselves, loving our neighbor as ourselves and learning how to Stop the Mind from seeking to outdo, have more and ‘take revenge’ against others, such words and attitudes must come to pass for the new to emerge as a self-willed decision to Live in Equality.

 

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