Category Archives: forgivenses

April 13, 2013

352. The Solutions to Human Nature with Equal Money

By Marlen

 

We all want a better world, we all want peace and joy, but how is it that we plan on implementing these changes if how we behave, think and interact with each other and the environment is subsumed in apathy, neglect, carelessness, irresponsibility, hatred, selfishness, greed and the list goes on – it is to understand that the solution to the problems in our world begin at an individual level. This is the foundation of the Equal Money principle: Change in this world will only be possible if humans deliberately change their nature – and we say yes it is possible to establish principles of Life in Equality. Find out how

Continuing:

 

Please read the previous post 351. The Problem of Human Nature and Equal Money to understand the context of this post   

 

 

Solution                                                              

  • Human Nature can only change once each individual in absolute Self-Will  understands that to change the world, we all have to contribute to it by beginning such change at an individual level. This is through recognizing that our current system is the outflow of everyone’s active participation in it – we are the life of the system and environment, therefore it is our sole responsibility today to study and understand how this world system works, how it exists as the accumulation of our history, understand the nature of the system as our image and likeness in order to be able to implement solutions based on how we correct our individual relationships and conceptions toward ourselves and each other living being and part of this ecosystem as life, as who we are. Through this understanding we can then  focus on directing our realizations to generate the necessary political, social and economic solutions to ensure we never again recreate the past of enslavement, tyranny and abuse through mechanisms and systems of power and control. This is a process of Self Realization to understand that the ‘mess’ we’ve made of and in this world as our image and likeness – therefore it is in our own hands and with the use of our minds as an instrument that we will create new mechanisms and organizations that will be functional to implement this Equal Life System for the benefit of all.

 

  • A process of Self Change involves the application and understanding of Self Forgiveness which was explained in a previous entry.  This is the self directed process where one recognize every single aspect of our individual lives and personalities where we have acted in inconsideration of all other beings as equals, where we have only followed our self interest,  where we have diminished ourselves to be ‘powerless’ or hopeless individuals to do any change in the world, where we have blamed others for our own problems, where we have blamed our authorities for not creating a suitable world to be born into; it is walking through the understanding of how we have created our lives of misery and limitation that were projected as the tyrannical system we are living in. The only way to do this – as we have tested and proven for ourselves – is through this  process of Self Forgiveness, because human nature is in itself the ego that feels we are ‘too good’ to question who we are, what we like and dislike, what we do and our capacity to change things,  which are beliefs that have only perpetuated the foundation of this system and the relationships we form within a sense of irrefutable order, regardless of how we are witnessing that such system is no longer functional – it is within this ability to question it and take responsibility that we are able to prove how change at a system level is equally possible through a process of Self Forgiveness, Self Responsibility and Self Correction.

 

  • By investigating our own nature we begin to see where our thoughts, words and deeds have generated the nature of our ourselves as individuals and current world system. We will see how we can only absorb that which is in the environment if we accept it and allow it to become ‘who we are’ and ‘how we interact’ with the environment and each other – thus both aspects conform our first step of self investigation  toward change which is introspection at an individual level as the process of Self Responsibility which is the recognition that we in fact are the creators, source and origin of the problems we have created within this world system; secondly it is investigating the world systems that define the way that we live our lives at a political and economic level in order to understand that changing the world in fact begins within ourselves. This means that within the individual decision to direct our lives in a way that is best for all, we are able to place a clear direction with regards to how we  will ourselves  to ‘Be the Change that we want to See in this World’ –  Change is thus a process of understanding and self realization that it is by each individual’s participation that we can change the nature of ourselves, to participate in the system and correct its structures and mechanisms to eventually create a new foundation that supports a new living understanding of who we are as one and equals as Life. This ensures that we pave the way for all children to come and be born Into Equality and have all the necessary support to further integrate and develop this new Human Nature.

 

  • Self Forgiveness enables us to recognize the problem, take responsibility for it and integrate it as an aspect that we have to continually work on correcting within our  day to day participation in our reality.  Change through the application of Self Forgiveness implies having to review our own lives to see where and how we lived to fulfill individual agendas of personal self interests,  competing against each other, acting in spitefulness, seeking revenge, wanting to always ‘win’ and complaining to the system to victimize ourselves about things that are not working in our lives, while deliberately neglecting the fact that we accepted to create a world system wherein we would not have to worry to be involved in the managerial systems that define how our lives are lived, just because politics and law systems are not taught as the basic mechanisms that determine the way we live and interact with one another. We have disregarded all those that have nothing to eat, have no houses, no education, not even potable water in many cases, no toilets which is the reality that is here as the majority of this world where people – and yes included children – are sold and abused to create money required to live in a world because of a power structure and belief system such as our governments and monetary systems that define who lives and who dies based on the amount of money or education that you have to earn it. This is the realization that within us having acted in self interest throughout all our lives generation after generation, we all helped to co-create the current system we live in.

 

  • We have to be willing to Self Forgive every single part, aspect and particle of our existence that has existed in self interest, in separation and disregard of one another as equals – this is the process of Self Honesty wherein each individual realizes and understands through self investigation that we forgive ourselves for having accepted and allowed our ‘human nature’ to become the guiding rule in our reality disregarding life in Equality. The solution is to write and voice our individual process of recognizing and understanding our self responsibility and at the same time, declare that we are willing ourselves to be and become the permanent living application of Self Forgiveness, Self Honesty and development of Common Sense as the necessary tools to correct the patterns, behaviors to cooperate in restructuring,  redefining and fine tuning the parts and aspects of the world system that require to be aligned to support and generate the best living conditions for ourselves and everyone else in Equality.

 

  • It is in the ability to forgive ourselves that we realize how everything that we do or don’t do, everything that we think towards another and every time that we only act in self interest without measuring the consequence does affect our entire reality. This is where our power to change things reside: when we understand how we created the problem, how we accepted, allowed and perpetuated it so that we can create and become the solution to ensure that only a new system that caters for Equality is created from here on, because we understand that this is in the best interest of All.

 

  • We can inherently become our own authorities, our own political figures and law makes by virtue of being a participant in this world where we commit ourselves to create a world system of equality where our decisions, our thoughts and actions are expressed and worked on to become a better living human being through a process of applying and living Self Forgiveness in Self Honesty in order to stand as an example and definitive influence in our environment and demonstrate what is possible to do/ be/ become once that we Will ourselves to walk and apply this self-directive process of correcting our individual nature as thoughts, words and deeds to always ensure we generate a best for all outcome. This implies that we understand our creative responsibility toward our reality, and how it will always be a reflection of ourselves: each misalignment and malfunction will indicate us the points that we still have to understand, take responsibility for and create solutions – this will ensure that we turn our human nature from individualistic egotistical traits that generated separation and disregard for all others as equals into a living awareness of everything and everyone being part of our  ourselves and our reality and as such, will ourselves to take responsibility for it because we will understand that  every word, every action and inaction creates as an effect on the whole. 

 

  • Our educational systems will have to change in order to no longer support our current defined ‘Human Nature’ – instead we will inculcate values and skills such as the basics on reading, math, critical thinking, scientific processes that support and create the necessary foundation for the recognition of life in Equality. This will be a necessary training for parents to ensure that children to come into this world are not tainted by the past that we currently exist as – this means that through Education, given financial support for the parents who will be able to spend proper time in educating themselves to be the best living examples of this new human nature. This means that it is in our hands to generate the necessary changes at a system/ environmental level – we all will certainly agree that individual by individual this process can be expanded through the current means of communication we have, which enables our process of self correction to also be published by those that are already standing up as examples of the changes in this world – e.g. Destonians 

 

  • Equal Money System and Equal Money Capitalism provide the necessary transition and definitive structures that enable individuals to stop focusing only on making money in order to survive and instead, have the time and certainty of unconditional support for basic living necessities to then focus on walking/applying the process of self investigation to understand the characters that we have become and conform our ego. One writes about all of these aspects that conform the ‘who I am’ at a mind level and through developing common sense considerations on how we can direct our lives in a way that is beneficial to everyone in Equality. This is how through our own words and self-application we correct everything that see and understand has created the problem in our individual lives and the world in an equal manner – this is what the process of Self Forgiveness,  Self Honesty and Self Corrective Application is for.

    For now unfortunately not many individuals have sufficient time to walk this process as it is required, since we understand this is the base foundation of any change we create in our reality, thus this process will be broadly supported and available once that money does not exist as a problem and limitation for people to not have sufficient time or money to dedicate to themselves to it– after all this is about realizing that the moment that we become individuals that are able to be trusted with Life by living and applying these tools to change our human nature, we are in fact already on our way to change the world because it is not only a point of self interest to better a few over others, it is about understanding and implementing the living principle of Equality as Life.

 

  • Through establishing the necessary time to cultivate a relationship with ourselves, we will stop looking forward to generate habits, addictions or other means of interaction that are normally based on a system of consumerist nature where we seek to ‘escape from ourselves’ instead of establishing proper relationships with ourselves and our minds. Thus much of the way we interact with each other will change based on how we go developing this process of Self Change.  This goes par en par with a process of Educating ourselves on how the system operates to also become a functional member of society that is aware of our political abilities as part of society and as such, become equally empowered through understanding our rights, responsibilities and actively participate in everything that pertains to how our lives are conducted in our society.

 

  • Desteni provides such Education and is here for all to be a part of here Desteni Lite Process.   Implementing these tools at an Education System level will ensure that this is not existent as ‘alternative education,’ but is instead implemented as the base Formation of Values in a Social level wherein Equality is understood at a physical and biological level and as such, ensure that our participation within the world is conducted upon understanding this physical principle.

 

“So, in our Process – we have to Re-Establish an Entire Eco-System, an Entire Environment. We’ve got really get our ‘hands dirty’ in our Internal Beingness and Physical Environment, as well as within this Physical Existence, in terms of ‘turning the soil’, ‘planting the seeds’, tending to the seeds, growing the seeds. Really putting in the effort, discipline and process of what it’s going to take to Change an Entire Environment and recreate an Entire Ecosystems that exists in/as Equality and Oneness.” – Sunette Spies – Planting the Seeds of Life: DAY 345

 

               The Role of Education in an Equal Money System

 

 

 

Rewards                                                             

  • The benefits stemming from this ‘lesson learned’ on the necessary changes that have to be implemented to redefine how we live our Human Nature are that we won’t ever forget what we have been an become as the nature of a system of inequality and abuse, because walking through consequence is the aspect that will determine the realization of the mistakes and abuse to ensure no more destructive and abusive consequences are created again, because the origin and cause of the problem will be solved once that the integration of the living principle of Equality is certain and understood to be as it always should’ve been. This implies that we will ensure we don’t make the same mistakes again because everyone will be educated to understand the existential processes that we are all equally in charge of. Equal Money provides the necessary structure for it, we just have to correct ourselves, integrate self change and then live out the correction in our day to day living.we have to actually ‘live it out’ as an expression of ourselves.

 

  • Our ultimate reward is our ability to become architects of our reality in every moment that we are able to be self-aware, self directive, self responsible living beings that ensure each other’s well being is guarded as our own. This is the process of Self Realization, it is an Understanding – doing what we know leads to a best for all outcome becomes who we are, it becomes ‘what we do’ as part of our new nature and first living expression. You can imagine the new human that will emerge when living in an an environment where each individual regards one another as equal, where the s exists as the necessary structure that ensures we are able to support one another to develop ourselves to our utmost potential. This means the end of fighting, competition, wanting to be ‘better than others’ because we will understand the individual processes each one of us goes through and what our role will be to ensure we establish a living system where n o one is ever again limited by ideologies, beliefs and perceptions upon each other. This is the process that will ensure life is valued and understood in Equality – money will become a rights document that means ‘you have your right to live here in Equality to all by virtue of being alive. This is the only way of the future and we invite you to participate with us in this journey to establish life as a physical expression of equality for the very first time in our reality.

 

 

 

 

EMS Adam and EVE

 

 

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November 18, 2012

217. You Fear Communism? Why would That Be?

By Marlen

The Nature of the Happy Nation

It’s interesting to see how the moment that Equality is linked to being ‘one more of the heap’ and the opposite to being special, unique, outstanding, original, genuine, one of a kind human being – which is the type of brainwashing used during the last half of the 20th Century – Equality became linked to the then ‘Devil’ that functioned through/as what was considered the opposite back then, which was Communism.  The basic equation that must be read here is not along the lines of USA vs. USSR – but a Living Right that should be given to all beings by virtue of being on this Earth being Sold and Bought instead of readily given, and the example of that can be found anywhere in our current society wherein one could be close to dying in a hospital and, if you have no funds = there will be no support given to you, sorry.

 

This is what we’ve accepted and allowed when it was agreed that life should be sold/ commercialized and even more so, stratified to a series of values that only a Few can actually obtain without any hassle. What about the rest? Oh well, you got your jobs and slave labor, ‘do your best’ and waddle your way through the staircase to success/heaven, never pondering the abuse that was taking place in such ‘heavens’ like actual vampires sucking out the life blood of the rest of the people that are, till this day, being suck dry to dead for not having enough money, even though their sweat and tears are shed every single day for all the worry and concern and desperation of not having the ability to feed children. What about those in warzone today? Can we even imagine the haunting experience of being ready to die in any given moment?

 

Guess what? This reality is not separate from ourselves, at some level we are all aware of everything that is going on here. That’s why no matter how much money you have you are still Owned by it, you still fear to lose it all. And there might be those that don’t really fear at all, however it is not like there is a way to escape consequence, not anymore – father heaven is no longer running the scene (Read the entry to Heaven in the Destonian wiki)

 

Democracy became then a consumer-like sellable product of words that would support that which makes the ‘world go round’ which is, capitalism as our current world system.

You can investigate this for yourself, watch:

Learn about Edward Bernays as the father of selling happiness to Americans while instilling one of the greatest brainwashing mechanisms in our modern era – besides the long-time god belief:
“Bernays used the “Freudian Theory” to deal with the public’s conception of communism, as he believed that we should not be easing the public’s fear of communism, but rather promote that fear and play with the public’s emotions of it. This theory in its own was so powerful that it became a weapon of its own during the cold war.”

n Propaganda (1928), Bernays argued that the In In Propaganda (1928), Bernays argued that the manipulation of public opinion was a necessary part of democracy:

The conscious and intelligent manipulation of the organized habits and opinions of the masses is an important element in democratic society. Those who manipulate this unseen mechanism of society constitute an invisible government which is the true ruling power of our country. …We are governed, our minds are molded, our tastes formed, our ideas suggested, largely by men we have never heard of. This is a logical result of the way in which our democratic society is organized. Vast numbers of human beings must cooperate in this manner if they are to live together as a smoothly functioning society. …In almost every act of our daily lives, whether in the sphere of politics or business, in our social conduct or our ethical thinking, we are dominated by the relatively small number of persons…who understand the mental processes and social patterns of the masses. It is they who pull the wires which control the public mind
 
Wiki entry on Edward Bernays
 

And so everyone learned to aim for Individuality, specialness, uniqueness, which could only be ‘obtained’ through Buying your Happiness.

Now this is a short introduction to understand then WHY I was conditioned to see Communism as a threat, the words, people that I linked to the word, the regard I held for most of my life toward it – however it is important to see how it could have been ‘communism’ or any other regime that would mean a threat to the values and lifestyle – yes when life became a ‘style’ – that the American Empire would promote, I may sound like a grandpa saying ‘American Empire’  but that’s what it was. I will then share about how through music I learned to then evade all things politics or listen to music that would demonstrate such evasion for a while to submerge myself in the world of the intangible, which is how now I understand, everyone  that at some point had an intention to ‘do something’ to change this world would end up in: dropping out, being isolated and resorting to drugs, alcohol, poetry or mere suicidal tendencies. Quite a shame, specially when you get to know people and their potential that It’s just HERE however, money becomes the main obstacle all the fucking time for them to develop themselves, learn further, suit themselves with the necessary equipment/ tools to do that which is certainly not only ‘entertainment,’ but bright ideas that we can actually place on march when Money is no longer a kick in the ass more than a living tool to exist – for that visit the Equal Money System website, vote for our goals – it’s time to Stop as I’ve seen and realized what we can do if we all stand up to our max capacity and Will ourselves to Live.

 

 

The Revolutionary Character:

 

Self Forgiveness on ‘Red Fears’ and Capitalist Propaganda

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take words as knowledge and information as ‘truth’ of reality when it came to forming a perspective, opinion and view upon the world, without further investigation and within this, forming/shaping/ molding ‘who I am’ toward reality/ this world based Only on that which I had understood/ learned as knowledge and information that in no way represented the reality of what is here, as all history, knowledge and information is mostly told only from a certain perspective that will benefit the ‘story/history teller’ – and in this,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out any form of common sense development through only taking knowledge and information that I acquired from others – without any form of proof or further investigation – and in this, created an entire character based on fearing that which apparently ‘threatened’ our stability and ‘happiness,’ which is what I came to believe that Communism represented.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the word communism to mediocrity and revolting people, as that is what I got from what I would hear/ listen/ see within the news wherein I didn’t even bother to ask what was the real conflict that lead to seeing Communism as ‘the devil,’ and If I did ask – which I can’t remember – the general idea was that Communists were trying to make the whole world communist, which is the great fat lie that I accepted and allowed to believe, which all came from the perspective of the history being told according to what our northern neighbors – United States of America – were promoting as a belief about Socialism/ Communism in order to justify wars against those whose who represented a threat to the actual imperialism that Capitalism has become over the third world.


 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to generate a sense of rejection toward anything that sounded like ‘giving to all equally’ because of imprinting these images of what in my imagination I had pictured poverty in Russia to be like, wherein the story of people coming from Russia in order to escape poverty became my own ‘reality reference’ to what I believe was ‘Communism,’ and such immediately linking it to a bad thing, without realizing that such people were actually escaping from the downfall of a debunked attempt to establish an actual communism, which has not really existed in the ideal terms of what it would in fact mean to consider all beings as equal.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that one would be Less Free if one would not be able to buy and consume all of that which I have linked ‘power’ and ‘freedom’ to, which is essentially the ability to BUY and Consume things from the capitalist world, and forming the idea of how ‘poor’ and ‘limited’ people were in socialist countries or even in the Eastern Germany, which was also part of my tangible example of how people had apparently suffered through that time and that everyone essentially was asking and pleading for Capitalism, which is nothing else but the result of Capitalism being linked to a sense of Happiness, Joy, Freedom, Liberty and most importantly Democracy through a propagandistic apparatus that we are living in till this day, wherein there is a general conception of having Free Choice and Free Will to buy and consume and experience all the good things in life when you have money – hence promoting the desire for money as the equation of ‘good life’ that in no way stands within an actual meaning of what ‘good life’ would be like, which certainly cannot continue be equated to consuming the most you can, buying products that you don’t need, buying items for the same of the value they represent in a social hierarchy, accumulating wealth as a means of protection, buying properties that you won’t live in and the list goes on, which is widely promoted as lifestyles to ‘seek to attain’ in our current reality through people that we have deemed as ‘rich and famous’ – which is nothing else but adoring and praising the very key-people that are keeping this entire world system of enslavement in place – hence all of this representing everything that communism/ egalitarian societies are Not. Therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see how communism in itself or any form of Equality Consideration of Life was a dynamite to the emerging mind control of linking happiness, well being to Money and the desire for money in itself, being the main driving force that would be adopted by people in order to submit to any form of job, task or activity in order to ‘get the most money’ and within this linking wealth/ power to money to ‘living,’ without ever pondering why such well being wasn’t readily given to all, which is where I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Life is a struggle and that we had to Suffer in order to ‘gain the daily bread’ – nothing else but absolute brainwashing made laws and our current basis of the capitalist world wherein we are able to leave people to starve, die of medical negligence, die of curable diseases, die for not being able to pay their bills and the list goes on, which should be regarded as a massive crime against life, however, we had not taken responsibility for ourselves and in this, we have merely complied to be soldiers that maintain and protect an abusive system that does not regard life, which is Capitalism, simply because of having linked money, wealth, power, products to buy to a sense of happiness, fulfillment, freedom, which are feelings that are generated at a mind level and that do not represent at all who we are as physical beings that exist as constancy and consistency of breath here.

 

Within this all, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear somehow questioning all the abuse that was being accepted and allowed in this world just because of not wanting to then be labeled communist or a ‘revolting person’ even though I ended up gaining a reputation of sorts as being rebellious-anti system which became a character that I wore ‘proudly’ without even realizing how within my emerging opposition to the world system, I was more going to perpetuate my life being angry, mad at the system and ostracizing myself further into my own ‘realm of the non tangible,’ denying nay form of responsibility, which is precisely where I was headed toward if I had not been involved in Desteni quite timely in my life some 5 years ago.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that all of this information stigmatizing Communism, Socialism, Equality was based on maintaining the current world system we’re living in as a majority that believes that one must struggle in order to live – and in this, creating a general fear to stand up due to having learned of revolutions and movements just ending up with people in jail, killed, abducted, high jacked, murdered mercilessly which became a series of ‘warnings’ that I should not ever attempt to confront the system – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hear the word communist linked to being revolutionary due to the various icons and people that I learned were linked to communism and that somehow I regarded as heroic people, however little did I understand how the system works and how any form of open opposition would only light fires and further problems, instead of simply proposing a solution at a political level wherein All beings can be equally supported. This means that my idea, belief and perception of Revolution/ Rebellion had to do with opposing the system without understanding it, just asking for ‘change’ but not knowing how to do it – and at the same time, fearing being labeled as ‘communist’ for the pejorative aspect I had linked to such word, wherein I still didn’t want to end up poor or being given ‘the same to eat every day’ which were common misconceptions and ideas around communist countries that I came to believe were truth and had no further context to it but that, just knowledge and information that I simply feared ending up living in, not seeing the greater picture of for example, the lives of the absolutely poor people that are the direct result of only a fraction of the world embracing Capitalism and exploiting vast majorities to Sustain such ‘Capitalist Dream = American Dream’ at the expense of those that were left in positions of great disparity – mostly in the so called ‘third world’ – which are quite present till this day in our day to day living when reading where our clothes and gadgets were built in.  (Read: 115. Following our Dreams is Plain Delusional an 116. Dreams of Perfect Lives as Mind Control)

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to acquire the common belief of money = satisfaction, joy, security, protection, well being for myself and ‘those around me’ wherein I then believed that this was ‘my perspective’ and ‘my decision’ to support a system wherein one can buy all you want as a means of happiness and fulfillment – this becoming then the basis to form my character as the Revolutionary Elitist wherein Yes I would see poverty and lack for many beings, I wanted “Change” but I was not entirely willing to give up my own pursuit of happiness, which is then revealing how once again, the intentions to change were not absolute as I was not willing to let go of my personal aims and future projections based on having an elitist position in this world Based On this idea of ‘change’ and ‘revolution.’

 

You can read this process here:

 

And so, I see and realize that I used communism as a boogie man in my mind just by following public opinion, by following what I would hear parents speak about and probably on the news and people that had suffered poverty conditions in Russia as the result of a downfall within the socialist scheme, which is then a point to consider in how it actually came to  a downfall and what intervened in that process, which points out in common sense that any form of egalitarianism promoted as a world system, meant a threat to world-systems based on hierarchical structures – which is then the easiest way to understand why we were taught in schools to see the Soviet Union as a living condition that we had to avoid at all cost, having little context of how it came to be, why it didn’t flourish to an absolute success if the principle was apparently aiming at equality. This thus brings the questions: how is it that we have come to Equate a word like Equality to Evil, Equality to ‘Lack’, Equality to Loss of ‘Good Living Standards’ without questioning first how we came to link everything that is good, well, nice, excellent, special and unique to all things that represent the most money/ power as a symbol of success.

 

I realize within this that Communism is just another counteract to Capitalism the way that it is currently conceived and its reality outflows till this day because, it didn’t consider an absolute reform of the monetary system but only remained as a series of political considerations that would ostracize certain countries from the rest of the world, creating a ‘battle’ due to money still meaning a point of power over life. This is how corruption still brewed in communist societies/ countries/ regimes as the problem we have to look at is not only reforming the system but the nature of the human being. And that, my fellow droogs, is not able to be implemented through opposition or wars, but Education.

 

Why has no one realized the actual power to create a new human being resides in Education? That is what actually shapes/ molds and forms who you are going to be and what you are going to value as Life as Reality and what you are going to oppose and refrain from participating in – this is how at Desteni we are educating ourselves to see beyond the veils of human history through capitalism and communism alike, as both were only sides of the same coin, used to justify wars and further rivalry that lead the world nowhere but to where we are now, more embellished with nonsensical desires for happiness and fearing to give to each other what we would want for ourselves – isn’t that the definition of Evil?

 

This will continue with Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments to finally understand where we Stand within the Equality consideration as the Equal Money System and finally stop fearing giving to each other what you would want for yourself, placing common sense that can be acquired, lived and applied by each individual to stop revolting against the system, and instead understand it and act within Self Responsibility to be part of the change in this world that will Not come through Revolution, but through individuals that Stand up for Life in Equality, until it is done.

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:

Anu explains the Hierarchy of his Race which then brings up the point to ponder here: you are the image and likeness of your creator, find out the fascinating considerations one regards as ‘Elitist’/More than and why we are immediately submerged into this Self-Belief of having to Be the Best of the pack.

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November 5, 2012

204. Opposing the System: Elitist Act of Irresponsibility

By Marlen

Revolutions and Dissidence as so-called Acts of Goodness while protected by money to keep fueling the same system that’s being opposed.

I was taught to fear the bad/ negative/ evil within both the context of morals as in ‘doing good things’ to be a ‘good person/ good girl’ and also within the aspect of fearing ‘dark entities’/ demons at home. I know this doesn’t sound something ‘usual’ but I was brought up more within a belief in the afterlife and a ‘white light brotherhood’ than anything Christian/ Catholic like churches and the bible etc., masses on Sundays or anything like that. This was all based on a bad experience my mother had when she was in her nun school and found a priest having sexual intercourse with a nun. The rest is history – I got to know of that story in a watered down version as a child, being old enough to realize the scam that the church was. Being religious in this country as in any other is a matter of ‘belonging’ and so I also had my phase of wanting to be ‘good’ and ‘fit in’ with the rest of the people, mostly because of the school I went to, which was a Jesuit one – great education, bad idea trying to play good and benevolent when attending the masses, in the end it just turned into a spiteful game I played toward all things catholic-church-the pope etc. and creating an entire personality about it that I have walked through in the past as well.

I would question a lot why the hell on Earth was the Vatican so filthy rich having gold all over while priests were supposed to have some ‘poverty vow’ or something – as well as a ‘chastity’  and many other flaws that I felt just perverted by even seeking to get a second hand communion paper because I believed that I had to have such paper in order to be able to feel good about having some form of sacrament other than baptism. And this became just another ‘stand point’ for me to simply begin pursuing being ‘good’ at my own terms. I liked the idea of god not being bound to a stone and rock temple/ houses like churches, it really seemed quite bogus to me to believe anything the church said for that matter like the Adam and Eve story which was nothing else but a similar story to white snow and the seven dwarfs to me for that matter, I just ‘tagged along’ to not question it too much – not to say that I once did try and learn ‘Catholicism’ in those lessons given to children my age (around 9) within my attempt to be a ‘good girl’ and dropped out after the first class, lol.  I also did it because of my friend’s family being very devoted and so, I didn’t want to be a ‘heretic’ as I was usually called as well at home sometimes, which was fine. I mean, I grew up in a house where you could not spot one single cross on the walls or on people as in ‘necklaces’ or earrings etc. as it was plain ludicrous to see a gory Jesus-look alike dummy figurine nailed to a wooden cross as a sign of any benevolence, I was in fact mostly haunted by any images I would encounter like that in people’s homes – lol even holograms – you know those images that change when you move from side to side – of Jesus shedding blood on the cross, bizarre kitsch shit to say the least, which is probably what religion has become, nothing but a merchandising fan base wherein having a button that says you’re the member of a club makes you feel in any way ‘special.’ To me seeing crosses in people’s houses was something similar to what for a Christian would be like to see a satanic symbol, not to mention that my white/light community made me stop wearing one of those David star symbols because it was apparently ‘not good’ lol– but that’s just how I grew up.

I seriously never got the point of him dying for our sins and I only now get the whole picture thanks to the Crucifixion of Jesus interviews that, I must admit, I began listening to with my left overs of ‘skepticism’ toward the whole Jesus story, only now realizing to what extent I was also wearing the ‘atheist coat’ for that matter, to abdicate any form of responsibility toward this institutionalized existence of good/ evil.

 

And so, the context I grew up with was obviously being overtly open about my criticism toward religious ‘authorities’ within my standard of ‘I am a good person because I ‘’unmask’ the lies and the false preachers of god.’ However, I was following a belief as well, about there being these light beings that were here to help me and my loved ones to ‘make it through’ in our lives, and ‘give light’ to the entities at home that would ‘lurk around’ from time to time. Lol, we were absolutely oblivious back then how the Earth was all Demon-based.

So that’s how I was so righteous boasting against the church, because I had my ‘true faith’ and ‘verified’ by these seemingly ‘heaven sent’ solutions to our lives in times of distress – I mean, I’m talking about stuff like my sister losing a watch – an ‘expensive gift’ in her 15th birthday – and these mediums/ light beings whatever suddenly making it appear underneath the couch  – and so there were all of these things that were always consulted with them in order to ensure that we remained with our ‘safety’ at home, that we were always ‘supported’ by these seemingly invisible beings that would care for us enough to always ‘be there.’ However, how it all started crumbling down when bad stuff happened, and we were left questioning: well, where the hell is our security? why did that happen? we are good people!’

 

See the trivial aspects of all of this? the narrow-viewed of what my reality consisted of? Only ensuring that WE as my family remain safe/ secured and using any form of god/ heavenly support as a way to also feel safe/ secured which meant what? Everything was done out of FEAR. The same with how I would feel so ‘righteous’ to boast about the ‘falseness of catholic church’ which was only possible if I had my so-called ‘security’ in place from what I believe was the ‘true source of power’ / true god in this world as these light beings and this channel-based congregation that I would not even attend to on a regular basis, but twice or three times a year only. However we would only blatantly use them whenever we were in trouble. This is how I grew up with lots of fear as well, because I was taught how one could ‘pick up’ other beings’ ‘bad energies’ and become them, which is the absolute easy way to project any form of Self-Responsibility for what WE Experience within ourselves in our minds.I was also taught that I had to ‘protect me from envious people’ and that’s also another source of anxiety, constantly checking up people around me and fearing – more like backchatting about them apparently being against me and at some point it was as if ‘everyone against me’ and the delusion grew quite big as a constant point of conflict, which I later on knew it is mostly something that we all have as human beings that exist as the condition of survival in this world, which is obviously stemming from how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live in a world configured to Only support some, and wherein being ‘out in the world’ would feel like being in a dog-race that I simply had to ensure I would always win –for what? Safety, happiness, success, fulfillment- as I have explained in the previous blogs. 

 

And so, in my righteousness, I only became part of the ‘opposition’ like the same type of disposition that people that call themselves ‘Spiritual’ boast out about Religions – mostly Christianity/ Catholicism –  so in that, I was already way ‘prepared’ to become a spearhead of any form of spiritual light and lovish movement wherein as I’ve explained various other times here in my blog, I wanted to end up creating my own religion, lol. Which is how I investigated quite a lot and the points that I would always end up seeing in common were yes, oneness, equality, the universe, chemical marriage, life – but all seen from this super fluffy furry perspective that I could get a positive kick out of, never really placing 1+1 together to in fact SEE and get to understand This World System, but only as another personality later on in my life of being the ‘informed citizen’/ member of the world, which was mostly an intellectual aspect linked to spirituality and making a concoction of these two with which I would feel quite proud of, having a mouth full of opinions without even daring to look at my own reality, as an individual and my participation within the delusional system that I was so happy criticizing and judging all the time, and I mean this: All the time. Quite the way that many of our current detractors and main critiques at Desteni spend their days as well, finding flaws outside of themselves due to the blatant resistance that is not being considered within common sense even: what you resist, persists and so, eventually the game of seeking ‘the bad guys’ outside of oneself becomes a rather sleazy way to abdicate Self Responsibility. I am glad I’ve stood up from this and realized that there is no point in opposing the system/ others, but rather Understanding the system, educating ourselves to see Why Religions exist, How it is that we would have actually been long-gone if a form of apparent ‘control’ was not existent such as the religious authority/ god beliefs that at least were able to create a bit of a ‘stop’ to our inherent human nature.

I can’t believe how much I’ve learned in the past months and all of this is thanks to letting go of anything I ever believed to be real, of course, and rather listen to the explanations as all the interviews published at Eqafe.

And to all of this: what did I Fear all this time? LOTS. Did I Ever even considered facing my fears? No way, ‘why would anyone want to do such a thing??’ – So, this was part of the aspect of how one tries to do good/ be the one that ‘unmask the false gods’ while only really wishing to benefit me, me and only me within it all, never really placing an eye onto ‘them’ and realizing I am ‘them’ as well – hell no, that would have stopped my battle against them, which is what our mind thrives one: friction and conflict – And so this is how I lived within myself and toward my world and reality,  until I encountered Desteni.

 

Continuation of the Elite Character

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my ‘goodness’ based on acts that were mostly viewed as ‘supportive’ within society, such as helping others, cultivating one’s own self-image to succeed In this world wherein I learned I could later on just ‘give a helping hand’ to those in need, instead of actually having investigated why were people with money mostly considered as ‘good people’ and people that were poor were treated like criminals, wherein I then feared everything that I could have no control of, such as seeing poverty on the streets or people going crazy due to not having any form of support and instead of allowing me to understand how they had become such beings that I would react in fear to, I simply neglected them and considered that I simply had to continue ‘my path’ and worry about my own fulfillment and not feel ‘bad’ about others – wherein within this idea of me not having to ‘feel bad’ about others, I accepted it as it being ok that I do not give ‘much thought’ about poverty/ crime/ corruption in this country because I would simply go into anger instead of understanding- which is how I simply decided to ‘stick to the positive’ in order to no ‘affect me’ in my personal life by knowing how things actually worked.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my goodness as in placing myself within a righteous position of being able to boast and criticize ‘the church’ mostly as a corrupt institution, generating even hatred emotions toward the organization and the authorities in it, without ever realizing that I was only judging them for what I had been taught they did as ‘mean people/ bad intentioned people’ while I never even questioned why it is that it wasn’t ‘bad’ or ‘mean’ to only seek for my own protection and well being  – as well as that of my family – creating an idea of myself as in doing some form of ‘justice’ in the world by ‘exposing the truths,’ without realizing that doing such form of activism as an opposition to religious authorities would mean nothing as I was absolutely unaware and ignorant of how the world system worked, and thus, created actually a relationship toward all things religious as a form of love and hate wherein I sought to ‘do good’ but in my own terms, which became then still seeking some form of power and grandeur outside of myself in the form of a religious belief that I could feel satisfied about – in this belief, never considering how I could for example, implement a system, a way for us all to stop living in fear and stop seeking to secured and having any form of ‘divine privileges’ but instead focus on solutions that could provide a dignified living for all, which reveals to what extent I was only busy seeking a self-enlightened interest, becoming some form of ‘liberator of society’ based on opposition, criticism, bashing toward the so called ‘evil’ as the church and other institutions, such as the government- never really seeing the ‘big picture’ of it all and how my opposition was also part of the necessary ‘balancing acts’ within the system to make it seem as if there was any real actual way of being able to ‘overcome it’ by force/ by opposition/ by revolutions – which has never been successful and should had already been proven as a useless way of trying to ‘make a change’ in this world, however it is still being worn as a nice ‘activist suit’ by many, that are living in protected ways by money/ house/ education, playing the ‘revolutionary intellectuals’ that in no way lead to a solution that is applicable and tangible toward this world. In this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with ‘like minded people’ that would perceive ourselves to actually ‘care’ about the world/ society by opposing, dissecting, criticizing and even ridiculing people in positions of power and authority – specifically people in government, media and popes – wherein I would get a positive kick out of being able to ‘bash them’ because of still having my ‘true god’ as a belief within me, which makes you ponder how we can only ‘boast’ and ‘bash’ and ‘oppose’ something or someone if there is a point of security one is holding on to – whether a belief, money or a relationship – it is all based on survival.

 

And so within this I realize to what extent this entire personality of being like the benevolent ‘libertarian’ was based on having a position to always be supported with, which is actually stemming from the money that exists as the fuel to this entire system based on slavery – which means I could in no way claim innocence/ being a good person by opposing the so called evil – and also realizing how it was fueled by a desire to be and become this ‘important person’ in society that would ‘free people’ within the starting point of opposing others/ bringing down certain powers in society, which indicates the level of ignorance really, lack of understanding how reality works which is how and why he Desteni material is the most important process of human education that All human beings should be exposed to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the security and comfort of ‘having what I need to live,’ create a point of conflict in my reality such as wanting to ‘unmask the false preachers of god’ as the catholic church mainly wherein I wanted to ‘do good’ based on implementing my own idea of what ‘the real god/goodness’ was all about, which was yet another belief that I simply had accepted as a ‘purest form’ of the divine – being spiritual – and within this righteousness generate a relationship of hatred toward religious institutions wherein I believed that I had to be the one that would ‘speak the truth,’ without realizing how I only felt ‘strong enough’ to speak up because I would still have my ‘basic security’ as family/home/ money which enabled me to not worry to oppose the system, being quite ignorant as to how everything that I was judging is Also myself and is an aspect of myself as humanity that I am one and equally responsible for.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that creating a form of vengeance toward the system would make me a ‘good person’ like a hero that at the end of the day creates this fantastic heroic act of any concept of ‘doing good’ while missing out all the forces that are actually creating such ‘evil’ in this world, which is in fact beginning with ourselves and our own thinking processes and emotions/ feelings wherein we have been absolutely obvious about as human beings, only focusing on solutions ‘out there’ and never looking within ourselves, which is how the moment that we become aware of how our mind works, we immediately – if self honest enough – stop criticizing and judging and separating ourselves from everything and everyone in this world through a relationship of oppositions, as we understand how such point of ‘opposition’ was created, for what purpose, what was the intended reaction from human beings toward such point of ‘control’ and how I tis possible for us to stand up from it Without creating further opposition/ wars/ conflict of any form of vengeance or claiming ‘injustice’ because, we have to blatantly self honest with ourselves first, to clarify our starting point of any single time/ moment wherein within this self-righteous benevolent act of ‘doing good by bringing  the bad guys to justice’  we neglected our own participation in the very processes that fuel and lead to the entire world system as I tis, as the most vilest human creation that we have abdicated our responsibility from, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see how I was in fact fearful about that which I opposed and that my act of ‘opposing’ the system/ the church/ institutions and constantly finding flaws in it, only lead me to a position of feeling disempowered-  and I repeat FEELING disempowered because I in fact was still being supported in order to remain within a physical security such as having money to eat, education which I used as a platform to ensue this ‘opposition’ without any point really, but making myself seem ‘righteous’ and ‘common sensed’ without being self honest about my reality, which implied that I could only take this vantage position of ‘revolting’ by denying the very system I was feeding myself from. Thus, missing out the entire ‘point’ of any form of change in this world and in fact, using this ‘righteous citizen/ person that cares’ character as a way to further neglect Looking within myself, my true desires to actually be in a position wherein I could live well and continue opposing the system as that which I learned from elitist academics, that I wanted to form a part of: intellectualizing revolutions, theorizing society in order to propose further ‘solutions’ only on ink and paper-  while earning good wages with it through writing or teaching at school. Thus I see and realize how my initial desires of ‘doing good’ were obviously not unconditional, but well planned and veered toward an inevitable position of power and even authority in the ‘intellectual world’ while remaining protected with money/ the necessary to live ‘well’ or more than well if possible.

 

I realize that self interest is always behind any form of ‘doing good’ or ‘justice’ and that we have never in fact been absolutely devoid of self interest to move ourselves to propitiate a change in this world, which is why change has never really existed, and no revolution has even been REAL for that matter. Thus, time to unmask the revolutionary, time to take Self Responsibility first, to see who we are as our own mind, How did we create this opposition toward the system and how it is in our hands that we are able to create an actual solution by living it, becoming it, working as a group world wide and stands as the actual point of Self-Responsibility in Self-Honesty that promotes an Equality system such as the Equal Money System wherein we all learn to be Self Responsible and within that, get equal support within the realization that opposition creates division, creates conflict and ensues wars. Such diatribes must stop – and so we begin with ourselves.

I commit myself to explain and educate myself and others about how within an attempt to ‘oppose the system’ and ‘bring down the bad government’ we are taking the righteous superior position of apparently being ‘innocent’ about the current conditions in this world, which is not acceptable, since there is no point in blaming but understanding the problems and instead of launching wars against each other to obtain the point of power, we can work together to establish solutions which would be in fact using time to our benefit as humanity, considering all living beings – and stopping all forms of separation, division, conflict within any false sense of righteousness and justice to the benefit of ‘some only’ – this is standing for ALL in Equality.

Desteni

Desteni Forum 

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process

Equal Money System

This will continue..

Bossing

 

Blogs:

Have you Seen my Happiness Anywhere? (Part 1): DAY 204

Day 204: After Death Communication – Part 52

 

 

Interviews:

Demons in the Afterlife – Part 1

The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 16

The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 17

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November 4, 2012

203. The Acceptance of Heaven is the Allowance of Hell

By Marlen

As humanity we have walked life after life not questioning anything in our reality, learning that things are ‘how they are’ because ‘that’s how it works’ and swallowing up this chill-pill-answer which in my case, I swallowed with some discontent initially – however, because I had no physical suffering, lack of food, lack of a house, lack of family, lack of education and learned that even though I was seeing suffering on the streets, being witness to hideous acts of madness – all was apparently ‘fine’ and we could still ‘enjoy’ and ‘have fun’ and seek for our greatest excitement and monetary success,  I simply learned to turn a ‘blind eye’ and being perfectly aware of every moment that I would compare my reality to that of children my age that had to be working on the streets, knocking door by door asking for food and clothes, me only reacting with absolute powerlessness every time, feeling sorry for a few minutes – then forgetting about it and continue with my happy go round life that was possible due to Money. Because, in the end,  what one learns at home when being in a middle-class society is to always aiming ‘higher’ in the social pyramid of greed and negligence and not really bother in trying to ‘save the world/ change the world’ as I had expressed some times – all of it actually stemming from me more feeling ‘bad’ about it than really even considering at that stage me being Them as in equally being here in this world, and that the acceptance of their condition held/ sustained my own pursuit of happiness.

This is similar to the acceptance of heaven and hell and my early obsession with polarity and wondering how I could only fathom ‘staying on the good side’ of BenEVILence, doing all I could to remain always at the good eyes of that god/ spiritual all-seer that I believed in and that became- along with my reality – the constant guiding forces while growing up: the social-conditioning of focusing on ‘aiming higher’ and the spiritual context (I apparently was not raised religiously, but ‘spiritually’ lol)  of doing good/ being a good girl/ aiming to ascend to the light realms when being dead. I did not know much about ‘heaven’ or the bible – but was well aware of Hell and I knew I had to avoid it at all cost. Now, this single neglect toward Hell/ Evil/ Demons the ‘Bad’ and Dark side of reality was almost like a taboo that no one wanted to talk about, not even talking about ‘death’ which obviously, lead me to later on develop my own fascination toward all the things that had been kept ‘unknown’ to me as part of any form of Education and Family/ Society, wherein all one focuses is ‘staying on the positive side! Be Happy! Seek for your own personal improvement!’ type of reality. But still, I was not satisfied.

 

I became a news fanatic when I was probably on my early teens and this was mostly beginning to wanting to understand the financial systems because of aiming at a career in such realms initially – obviously then veering off to the total opposite within hearing everyone say how I was absolutely ‘out of my mind’ if I even think I could create a change in this world – it bummed me out and that’s how I essentially Gave UP any form of actual career that would lead me to be In the system, the core of it in the money-markets and financial deals and veered toward that which I believed was more ‘humane’ such as socials sciences, ending up in literature and arts – which till this day even after all I see hold enough opening and consideration toward that which can create a change in this world if implemented at an educational level.

 

So this is a bit of a background of how I learned to ‘turn a blind eye’ on reality, essentially quickly conforming with everything that seemed like a ‘better option’ for me to take on in my reality, which suited what I was informed I had to aim at while growing up: being a successful person like my parents, in ‘whatever’ I decided to be and become. And I accepted that constant impulse as something ‘cool’ you know? Because I was being ‘cheered up’ by my parents every time that I ‘succeeded’ in my school, yet I always never felt quite happy with it, because I would go into ‘feeling bad’ about those that were behind me and were not even able of attaining a proper mark, even if I had witnessed they tried very hard to – and so this impotence grew and grew within me, not knowing why on Earth did I have it ‘so easy’ in  my life and others were struggling – and this, was my acceptance of ‘Heaven’  as something that was meant only for a few – and denying Hell as the reality of this world, as everything that I could see and perceive as being ‘behind me/ below me’ in any form of social taxation that I became aware of while realizing that there were kids my age – 6 –7 or even less – working on the streets, asking for food, asking for coins while their mothers fed babies next to them, on the sidewalk.  I allowed myself to just pretend that it is ‘fine’ and that they are somehow having to PAY for some awful act in some past life and that’s ‘why’ they are poor/ neglected and even receiving further abuse by the authority, the level of Injustice I became aware of really ‘brought me down’ into a constant state of depression and being sad about the state of the world, only later on and even today realizing/ remind myself how this is also a state of self interest, wherein I then certainly sought to escape from this reality through the realm of imagination, pictures, inspiration, seeking ‘beauty’ in this world where there was clearly non – all as a failed attempt to redeem life in one way or another, never ever considering to what extent I had ‘signed up the contract’ to be part of the ones that wanted to ‘change the world’ outside of ourselves, feeling ‘bad’ for the unfortunate ones and essentially committing myself to want to do some ‘good’ mostly from the starting point of me not feeling guilty for having had a rather privileged lifestyle, as opposed to what I would witnessed around me.

Continuation of the Elite Character

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to be and become ‘successful’ just like my parents, wherein this positive attitude and positive experiences was always linked to having money in our pockets and ensuring that we became ‘good savers’ and within that, giving some charity to those that had Nothing only to ‘share what we have’ without ever really considering how the very acceptance of us being able to give to ‘unfortunate ones’ that which we could spare them, implied the acceptance and allowance of inequality in this world as ‘how the system works’ wherein instead of learning about the creation of poverty and inequality that lead to social injustice, I con.formed to only feel ‘bad’ about them and give them money fro once in a while, giving  clothes away while creating an experience of powerlessness within me about them/ the unfortunate ones, which implies how I would only feel bad about them when being in their presence – yet remaining focused on my ‘aim’ to achieve my goals in life, which was mostly linked to being a good person/ doing good to others/ caring about ‘the world’ such as the environment, pollution – I did not even consider animals that much – and essentially creating this profile of being a ‘good person’ linked to success and most importantly, linked to a reward in the afterlife.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to brush aside the fact that I did believe in a light-realm where all the dead people would go to and I was aware of the so called ‘caves of darkness’ wherein I learned that people that had, for example, been participating in wars would go to, and that I would simply have to do everything I could to avoid going there – it wasn’t called ‘hell’ but just ‘darkness’ so, I had to avoid darkness which in this world translated to avoid ending up as a ‘no one’ with no-money/ no-light in this world and within that, see all people that were with no-light/ no-money and living on the streets, being absolutely helpless as people that had probably been inherently evil in some past life and within that justifying their existence as poor people/ unfortunate ones according to that ‘law’ which I later on became aware it was called karma.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘do good’ in my life not because I genuinely cared about other beings, but because ‘I’ did not want to suffer and feeling bad when looking at them and realizing that I had ‘more’ than them – essentially thus any thought or intention of ‘doing good’ was directly linked to the inherent guilt and shame that I developed when and while growing up, due to me feeling powerless to do anything about their situation and as such, always only focusing on how I would experience myself toward the ‘unfortunate ones,’ and believing that I had to redeem Myself by being a good/ careful person even though I always felt awkward while pretending to be so, yet played the act because I wanted to be seen with ‘good eyes’ by society and ultimately by whatever force I was expecting on ‘the other side’ so, I did walk a life of ‘keeping score’ of being a good person, fearing doing ‘bad things’/ fearing ‘evil people’ and only promoting a way to ‘elevate ourselves’ in social conditions and even beingness such as being more ‘enthusiastic’ about life – wanting to ‘do good’ to the ‘less fortunate ones’ yet never in fact investigating what were the causes of their current unequal stance within the system, what was the reason why they were not being helped to have a dignified living and blatantly accepted then poverty just as part of my landscape, not bothering to question about it further because of not getting straight answers about it – thus con.forming, keeping quiet, turning a blind eye and instead focusing only on my personal world and satisfaction, escalating social statuses and aiming at all times to ‘be successful’ in whatever I decided to be and become.

 

I realize that my very starting point of ‘caring for others’ has never been something natural/ genuine to me, no matter how hard I tried to believe it was. But was mostly caused by the fear of having to ‘pay’ something/ someone in the afterlife for having been a ‘bad person’ such as having a ‘good life’ and in that, neglecting others’ realities such as the unfortunate ones, wherein I then tried to ‘do my part’ by seeking to oppose the system, criticize it, judge it and essentially pointing fingers at everyone else but myself, which is how I became self-righteous about my evil  (195. The Righteousness of Evil) and took it to the extent of denying vehemently that I was an equal and one participant of everything in this world that would case suffering, death, starvation in it – it really took me a while to understand how by just the single fact of me being Here as a breathing physical being, I was equally responsible for all that which I had turned a blind eye from for a very long time and how the very position of wanting to ‘do good’/ be a good person’ to the unfortunate ones was in fact blatant self interest, seeking to stop feeling ‘bad’ about those that had no money/ no support from anyone and within that, also earning ‘points’ toward a lightish/ heavenly experience, avoiding going to the ‘caves of darkness’ that I knew simply was something to avoid.

 

This became the foundation of ‘how I functioned’ in my reality, wherein for a long time what ruled me obviously was then only looking at the positive and doing essentially what I believed was ‘proper’ in terms of seeking to give charity/ support to the ‘less fortunate ones’ once that I had attained my elitist-supreme position that I did seek after in my mind/ imagination when thinking about professions and careers that I could direct myself to, which was not up to long ago some 6 years ago wherein I aimed at becoming a ‘well known’ artist so that I could then ‘speak up and change the world!’ because I apparently never stopped wanting to ‘make a change’ but I was precisely not wanting to give up my OWN benefits in order to see how everything works in reality and how I was directly responsible for that which I was trying to ‘save’ and ‘correct’ and ‘reform’ in this reality.

 

So, I commit myself to realize and accept the fact that I have never really genuinely ‘cared’ for other beings in an absolute unconditional manner, due to me always wanting to ‘add up to my score’ of doing something good to others, instead of realizing this is a matter of principle, of Understanding reality wherein once that you Understand, See and Realize how this entire existence functions, how the world system stems from our very relationship of the mind toward the physical, how energy and substance operate, what was heaven and hell and what they represent until today within our lives, how the world system functioned with a preprogrammed life path for all beings wherein there were by design some elitist beings that became the example and role model for the masses to attempt to ‘equate’ to  – while creating poverty, starvation, the ‘ostracized’ and marginalized people that were sustaining such wealth being absolutely disregarded out of the equation of any form of satisfaction and fulfillment. And within this all, realizing that there is No excuse at all to not stand up for life, not only because of it being our absolute responsibility, but because we are it – it is not even about creating a sense of ‘duty’ within it all, it’s about self-realization of us being that whole that is currently undergoing the ‘trials and tribulations’ that are nothing but the outcome of having lived entire lives only seeking to maintain an apparent ‘well being’ at the expense of others that were deliberately quieted/ shut down or even ostracized from the system in order for the majority to seek after the ‘good life’ here and in the hereafter, which became the most well known lie to be Sould in existence, not even only in humanity.

 

Thus I commit myself to realize that the starting point of myself within this process of Self-Equality and Oneness in Self Honesty implies realizing and recognizing the fact that one was initially motivated by obtaining something ‘good’ out of this, some form of ‘reward’ for walking process, without realizing that it is not about changing the world ‘out there’ for others, but changing My world With others – which is something you can read at Heaven’s Journey To Life which clarifies to the exact T. this subtle differentiation that makes actually a big difference with regards to the approach of ‘changing the world’/ wanting to go do good’ and all the points that we must consider before even being able to consider any form of ‘change’ within ourselves/ our reality.

 

I understand that Education is the fundamental aspect to this, as I am a witness of it myself. the more I educate myself about Reality with everything that is being presented as the Investigation of  Existence and this Reality through the Eqafe interviews, I become more certain about myself, my process, my understanding and playing my own ‘devil’s advocate’ to see where the hell there exist still any form of self interest to walk this process, which obviously cannot remain at all not a single iota of ‘convenience’ can determine my every move, otherwise it will be pointed out by myself in Self Honesty in order to realize that any form of Energy-seeking desire is Self-Dishonesty and that implies going to both the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ as poles of the same energetic fix that the mind is always seeking for.

 

I commit myself to be absolutely self honest to any point of support that I commit myself to give to myself and share with others, in order to not create a certain persona of myself, standing up for ‘something good’ but simply realizing it is a single alignment and correction of how things should have always worked/ functioned in our reality. And this is then a matter of physical principles of living conditions, not of an egotistical approach to make ourselves feel ‘more’ than what we already are here.

 

I will continue  in the following posts debunking my acceptance of an elitist character within me, wanting to ‘do good’/ be good while still holding on mainly a personal self interest about it all to become ‘more’ than myself apparently.

 

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September 30, 2012

168. Thoughts as Self-Created Resistance

By Marlen
Procrastination Character

Thought Dimension:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the thought of my professor’s office as as single point of fear and resistance toward me writing out my document, which is linked to the actual process that the written document must go through in relation to revisions and having to re-write things more than once, wherein the image of being at the office represents that point of approval or disapproval of it.

When and as I see myself having the thought of the office before writing and creating a resistance toward it, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is just a fear point that I can simply breathe through, not participate in and continue doing.

I commit myself to not allow one single thought to determine my entire starting point within doing things and actually do it: place myself to writing the document.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually resist facing the professor and going to his office, simply because of it representing an actual confrontation of the revisions required and the commitment for me to do do this whichever time it takes, regardless of how many times it has to be ‘re-worked’ as I realize that nothing can be just ‘perfect’ in one go, which is the actual limitation that I see is existing as an obstacle for me to simply do this.

When and as I see myself using the thought of the office as a point of confrontation thus fear, I stop and I breathe – I realize that all of this is only happening at a mind level and that I am able and capable of directing myself to do this without any thought in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within this future projection of fearing going to that office for a revision, I create an actual resistance in my mind wherein every time that I think of ‘getting this done,’ the thought of the office comes up as a ‘burden’ to face and within this another thought and/or imagination point activates with a positive experience such as doing something else first like any other daily task and ‘saving this writing for later,’ which is in fact me playing energetic games of placing a positive experience as ‘another task’ in front of the task that I am fully aware requires to be prioritized in my reality.

When and as I see myself creating the backchat upon the thought of the office/ school and thinking ‘I will do this later’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the other tasks I am committing myself to are actually necessary as well and that I can divide and measure my time to get to all point within a schedule that I can stick to, so that I ensure I in fact get this one with the starting point of me as directive principle and not a thought that makes me react and only do that which I ‘want to do’ and within this

I commit myself to live by principle and not by thoughts and preferences.  And this is ‘the deal’ in itself within this dimension.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought of me writing out hours endlessly without realizing that this is absolutely just a character that is pretending that ‘I do not want to write,’ while I have proven to myself that writing is an absolute supportive point for ourselves to face ourselves and within academic purposes, to propose/ show and demonstrate that which we are here to communicate/ convey which in this case implies my own process and that there is absolutely no excuse to divide ‘process writings’ to any other writing that I have to do as part of who I am and my own expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a division within me, giving a positive value to writings done ‘for process’ and a negative value to writings done toward an activity that I have considered as pointless such as school/ academic purposes, without realizing that I have committed myself to do this and that shoving it away or trying to make it ‘less important’ or even ‘non important at all’ is me actually not wanting to do it and face a point of self-expansion, which is yes, ludicrous how in our minds we trap ourselves in our burden and energetic bubble of constricted ‘airwaves’ wherein we are not here breathing, but instead postponing being HERE because of all the mind burdens/ tasks/ points that we are constantly procrastinating to do.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that within this self-creation process I have in fact proven to myself that I am deliberately creating a fucked up experience and absolute self sabotage every time that I give into Energy to create instead of Physically moving myself to DO things instead of future projecting, thinking and imagining all of the above mentioned points and aspects that I have charged with a negative resonance – within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately seek for a point of comfort and enjoyment and ‘feeling good’ or ‘better’ about myself with points of distraction such as surfing the net, reading the news, going out for a walk, fixing this or that around my room and house wherein such thoughts and imaginations emerge the moment that the initial negative thoughts such as having to confront my writings with an academic, having to spend ‘long hours writing’ become this negative experience that is quickly shifted in my mind toward a point that ‘I’d rather doe’ in order to satisfy my own existence within this ‘feeling better’ about myself by doing other tasks, within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel better with doing and completing and satisfying ‘other tasks’ which I have defined as ‘enjoyable tasks,’ wherein I believe that I am being responsible for taking care of these tasks, however having then imposed these preferred tasks on top of this primary task that is an actual point of immediate action for me to take on, which means it is a priority in my world and that I have procrastinated for so long in this ‘waiting’ for – hell, nothing there is nothing to wait but ME just Doing it.

When and as I see myself rather doing other writings instead of the academic point I must write, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a disparity in values according to that which I like/ that which I don’t like and as such, diving myself to only do that which I enjoy doing and avoid that which I apparently don’t enjoy doing – thus I equalize my application toward my writings and not kid myself to only do that which I like.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘wait’ for when I could apparently have the ‘right book’/ ‘the right information’ to do this, without realizing that I’ll be describing my experience and as such, there is no book that could possibly hold at this stage any of what I am here to share as my process of self-creation as it is a self-explanation of who I am as my own creator.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise my physical body to constantly be used up and consumed to charge up these thoughts and imagination every single day, wherein I have actually tortured myself instead of actually doing it. Within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor myself, my physical body within this deliberate neglect toward the responsibilities at hand and within this having satisfied only the mind-reality of feeling good/ feeling satisfied with and while doing other tasks, while knowing and being perfectly aware that I have this other primary task at hand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually squander my breathing, my physical hereness, my unconditional support given by others in order for me to do this, and instead only focus on one aspect of my reality that makes me feel ‘good’ and that I ‘prefer doing’ while deliberately neglecting the other aspect that is the reason why I am being supported to live every single day at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of regret when looking back at all the time that’s gone by without me giving direction to this and within this thinking ‘what the fuck have I allowed?’ without realizing that all that is left here to do is simply Doing it and that there is no way to go back in time and ‘sort it out then,’ but instead have to ensure that I get this done as soon as I possibly can, as I am in fact even postponing my own plans due to this single point of resistance to finally get this written document done. It is writing, it is me and my experience to be shared – how on Earth have I actually resisted to do this?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see an art degree as pointless and useless piece of paper that will have no ‘power’ at all within the system, without realizing that we live in this world system wherein one single piece of title gives you enough credentials to be ‘accountable’ within the system and as such, realizing that this is one requisite that I require to cover in order to give completion to what I committed myself to finish.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that having this little paper on the wall just proves that I am ‘worthy’ toward the system, without realizing that it’s not about the paper or the title or credentials even, but the self commitment that I have committed myself to as part of being a self directive and self responsible beings in all aspects in my reality, as I realize that my reality is my process and that neglecting doing this, is deliberately neglecting my own point of responsibility and self movement.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always give myself excuses as to why I should leave it for the next day and why I am not ‘ready’ to do this now wherein a thought of doing something else first always come in, and that something else is a task that I have defined as ‘enjoyable’ and even ‘more supportive,’ and within this creating a rift within me toward doing that which I realize is my immediate point of action as opposed to that which also requires action but is not in an absolute immediate manner that must be completed – thus I see and realize that I require to prioritize my time, myself and my current point at hand to complete and to not take further responsibilities without first sorting this one responsibility in my reality.

I Realize that I will have to face the consequences of my own procrastination within this point which I am fully aware that I created simply because of having given into energy and seeking for a feel good experience instead of actually doing what must be done in the moment and realizing that I could not be in a better position to do this and that I have in fact dishonored myself and neglected my self commitment by having given so much ‘head’ to this, instead of simply doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when and as I see myself having the thought of writing the document out, see the thought of that specific folder wherein I don’t want to go through everything that I have to revise it and give it proper order and coherence and within this creating a single thought of the folder that contains the files as a burden, due to all the information that is there and the points that must be aligned wherein I am creating a negative experience toward it, instead of actually supporting myself to open up the document, read through what I have and write.

When and as I see myself resisting opening up the very folder in my computer that contains all the written documents and avoiding clicking on it, I stop and I breathe, I realize that this is actually a physical click of opening up documents and reading and going through it to see what requires to be corrected, shifted, what requires an addition and as such focus on what is necessary to be done in order to in fact complete it and have it done for once and for all.

I commit myself to stop all thoughts and instant ‘captures’ of either the office or the folder containing the writings in my computer and using these thoughts as a point of fear to not move. I realize that I am capable of simply breathing through such thoughts and commit myself to write, review and work on the document myself.

 

This will continue..

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August 31, 2012

139. The Commitment to #Live the #Words I Speak

By Marlen

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how it is that I have lived only as a ‘spokesperson’ as the limited version of myself, the frightful and judgmental version of ‘who I am’ as my mind, which has never ever supported the expression of life as who I am.

When and as I see myself taking a moment to think my expression, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the words that are here as the expression of who I am as the physical is not to be ‘thought’ and pre-meditated, but to be walked as an actual moment of expression that I can stand as and be accountable for, as it is then words that can testify that which I am willing and deciding myself to be and live as in every moment.

I commit myself to walk myself as my mind, as that point of self-awareness as consciousness to then be in fact able to become aware of myself as the reality of who I am, as the actual ability and capability and potential that I exist as in order to – in every moment – decide to live as that living expression of me as the physical, which implies: no ego Is allowed as no ego can exist in the expression of life in equality, as ego/personality/ any character stands as superior/ inferior in a delusional form of self-abuse toward life.

 

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not realize that every moment that I dare to speak as the limited, personalized version of myself as the past of ‘who I as the character that I have become, I am in fact contradicting my decision to live within and as self-honesty in common sense, because I am in one single moment of ‘past-allowance,’ deciding to be the ‘who I am’ as the limited version of myself that is Not standing one and equal as my physical human body, as that which is real and that which functions according to what is best for all at all times.

 

When and as I see myself going into a past-habit of preferences, sayings, movements, gestures and quirks  that I have programmed according to the environment and people as memories in my mind/physical – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am re-enacting/ re-playing a pattern that I have imposed onto the physical that I am here walking as a point of self correction. Thus I allow myself to immediately stop, realize the correction as breathing and instead speaking in common sense, realizing and accepting the point missed in the moment to then in fact be congruent with the words I speak and the actions I participate in reality.

 

I commit myself to be here in every single moment whenever I am in a ‘comfort zone’ as that environment that I have conditioned a particular form of expression to. Within this it is to take such moments as an actual ‘live moment test’ to see whether I am still subject to the environment, people, places or if I am in fact living the absolute decision to at all times be the expression of who I am as the physical in every moment, wherein who I am is and stands as the actual expression of what which I see and realize is what exists as the expression of what I am here willing myself to live and stand as: equality as life as what’s Best for All, as the practical living, written and ‘doing’ process of ensuring I in fact correct the ‘real nature’ of who I am as my mind, as my own ‘configuration’ that I take self responsibility for.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize how within my mind I created different values that I attached/ imposed to flesh and bones according to how I categorized the various and different expressions that exist here in this planet Earth,  just because of seeing them as ‘other species’ that because they could not ‘speak to me,’ I regarded as inferior and as such, remaining within the specicism ‘high ground’ above everything and even other humans beings, which reveals to what extent each one of us became the weapon of our choice to deploy a war toward ourselves/animals/the environment which is how and why we are currently facing the ‘art of our creation’ as the absolute reflection of every single point of self-separation we accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

 

When and as I see myself creating the slightest distinction between me and every other particle of everything that is here, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this separation can only exist in my mind as thoughts: instead I realize that who and what we are is one and equal from the very beginning, thus there cannot be anything separate from me and that any judgment I create upon anything/ anyone is only self judgment and a point of separation created by me in my mind, which is what I must take self responsibility for to equalize my expression as the physical that breathes and directs itself to support life in equality.

I commit myself to breathe here and when and while breathing, going correcting every single point wherein I see I am detaching/ separating myself from any other expression that is equally here as myself, that I am aware of or even unaware of which leads to also realizing that the thoughts that I cannot see, I must also take self responsibility for and equalize myself as my mind to be able to stand as the directive principle of who I am in my mind at all times.

 

I see and realize that Self Expression is always that which will enable life to be lived and experienced to the utmost potential and that I cannot speak/ express as life without walking the actual road to live the words I write and speak: this is the process of Self Responsibility, Self Correction and Self-Honesty:  the commitment to birth life from the physical

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to use words to harm, abuse, judge others in separation of myself which I see and realize that implies the actual  ‘opening point’ as self forgiveness that I have missed for a long time, just because of not being self-aware of what I did and created as myself as every single word that I expressed in disregard of who I am as the physical body, as the breaths that I take to enable life to continue as my physical body.

When and as I see myself going ‘too fast’ speaking, I stop and I breathe – I allow myself to bring myself back to the physical to instead of saying a word in an ‘automated/fast mode,’ I give myself that moment to realize that the word that I am about to speak defines what I accept and allow myself to exist as in such moment. Thus, I allow myself to be HERE as breath, talking at the pace of the physical without rushing while speaking, as I see and realize that rushing while speaking is wanting to ‘get a point across’ as in wanting to ‘beat/ gain/ make a point’ the fastest way possible due to the previous associations of ‘fast speed = accuracy’

 

I commit myself to give myself a moment to breathe when expressing myself and communicating, to always ensure that I am aware of the words I speak as the ‘picture’ I decide to paint of and as myself for others and myself to see the world through and as me, which implies that I ensure I no longer paint the same picture over and over and over again, filled with lies, self judgment, blame, guilt, remorse, denigration or anger directed without awareness as I see and realize that we have built the world through the words that we have spoken in separation of ourselves as the physical that is and has Always been here, we just have not lived as one and equal as it.

 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to ever feel ‘righteous’ to ‘speak my mind’ without awareness/ from the starting point of enhancing my own ego, within he belief that ‘I had the right to express myself,’ never really even understanding what Expression is as I had never considered life in the physical as who I am, but only the ‘who I am’ as the ego of the mind seeking to be fulfilled with a positive experience within the consideration that ‘who I am’ must always ‘defend itself,’ never realizing how in this ‘defense mode’ I only created a battle against myself in the inner and the outer

When and as I see myself going into a ‘righteous expression,’ I stop and I breathe, I ground myself/ humble myself again to see and realize that the moment I am wanting to create a ‘higher’ tonality and expression in my words, I am in fact characterizing the words instead of speaking them here as breath, wherein I can ensure that I am the directive principle at all times of the voice tonality, the speed, the presence of myself as words in expression in all ways.

I commit myself to slow myself down when communicating to not want to ‘say it all at once,’ as life is actually a process that goes breath by breathe – thus I equalize myself as the expression of the physical wherein breath by breath I go integrating myself here to be and become aware of every word I speak being in consideration of who I am and who I am communicating myself with to ensure that an actual understanding takes place, as I see and realize that every word that I speak will resonate within another and that I thus must ensure that I can stand by the words I speak indefinitely, and that the only way to ensure this is if the expression coming out of my mouth is here as the expression of who I am in common sense as the physical – this is the process.

I commit myself to breathe before speaking, as the realization that bringing myself here in/ as the physical is the starting point at all times to ensure the communication as the words I decide to express myself as are in fact the representation/ depicting the realization of who I am as the physical within the consideration of what’s best for all, as Life that is yet to be born here in the physical.

Let’s continue walking.

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June 27, 2012

74. “You’ll need to Suffer to make any Real Art”

By Marlen

 

When I was a young around 7/ 8 years old, my sister was in her nationalist era and she had several poster-paintings by Frida Kahlo in her room. Whenever I would go in there I would remain in awe looking at those images due to the content/ expression they represented as a lot of suffering – Frida crying, blood, self portrayals of her physical discomfort and all of these surreal passages that got stuck within my mind. I was actually quite ‘sad’ when she took them down because my mother thought it was ‘too depressive’ to have those paintings in her room, ‘too gory’ and ‘too much of a negative energy’ for the room.

I had not realized how these paintings became a platform to ‘build my expression’ due to the extent that they ‘awakened’ my emotional patterns, the desire to experience the same she was portraying in her paintings, it made me ‘feel alive’ which is how I began to identify that desire to ‘suffer’ and ‘feel pain’ in order to ‘create great art’ like that, and be able to ‘express’ something as meaningful as she did. Of course I got to know her story of actual physical discomfort due to her accident, which I simply used then as a way to think that I had to suffer, create some turmoil in my life to be able to depict it through paintings and get to be ‘as good as she was’ at it.

I began creating these ideas and relationships in my head that I could use to Create what I deemed were ‘similar experiences’ of pain and suffering – this was back in 2003 as I described in my previous post – just so that I could paint something like her paintings. Couple of years later I read in a book a quote that really got stuck in my head ‘True art comes from suffering’ – or something along the lines, and that confirmed my idea that ‘I wanted to be an artist because I could ‘feel’ such torture in my being,’ lol – which was actually built and self-created from a much earlier stage in my life – 7/8 years old – and only confirming that or believing that I had in fact ‘found my place in Art’ when reading such quote 10 years after the initial ‘imprint’ of this desire to create in an emotional state.

And so, the specialness aura goes for debunking through Self Forgiveness.

Pattern: Believing that great art is only existent if it evokes an emotion within me and others

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that art could only be ‘great art’ if it evoked an emotional experience within me and others

 

Self Forgiveness Statements

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be haunted by the Frida Kahlo paintings in my sister’s room specifically because of the suffering, sadness and pain they portrayed, which caught my attention to the emotional depiction of sorrow, pain, suffering as something that I could experience while looking at them and within this, feeling ‘alive’ when looking at paintings.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to develop an attraction to this particular depiction of human emotions through images depicting blood, pain, tears, the human physical body in pain and through that, creating the foundation of an emotional state that I would allow myself to to experience whenever I would go into my sister’s room to look at the paintings.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being attracted to the depiction of pain and sorrow in paintings, wherein I started valuing images depicting such emotional states as ‘great art’ and within that, me wanting and desiring to be able to paint similar topics to evoke the same emotions in others, the same way Frida’s paintings were evoking within myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within this fascination/ attraction for the paintings and the experience that I was obtaining from looking at them, start thinking that ‘someday I want to be a painter just like her’ – wherein this single thought became a desire later on as the years went by, which I eventually consummated when opting to finally study arts.

 

I realize that I made that decision from the Experience that I got which was linked to fascination, mystery and a vicarious enjoyment of staring at a painting that depicted suffering/ pain/ dismal view upon the world which I recognized as ‘my view of the world,’ yet it was simply the energetic experience that I was truly drawn to due to and because of the emotional body ‘awakening’ to these paintings and beginning the identification of myself as such emotions, as an experience that I defined as ‘preference’ and ‘kinship’ to the painter, without realizing it was just the mind finding its ‘source’ to generate emotions from a visual interaction with paintings depicting such emotions.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within this acceptance of myself as emotions, start thinking and believing that ‘I have to be an artist’ because of thinking that ‘not everyone would get the same experiences I did’ when looking at art, which was only due to and based to the accumulation of self-talk throughout the years to ‘find a taste’ on art because of the associations I started giving to Art as a ‘superior human activity’ in my mind – hence using it as a way to value ‘art’ more than any other human activity, to justify my eventual decision to ‘be an artist’ simply because of the curiosity around creation and the Experience that I would get from looking at art, images, video, etc.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to be a painter just to be as ‘famous’ and ‘well-known’ as Frida, because she got to be a world-wide known persona and that’s what attracted me the most in terms of being a famous person.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire creating images that could instigate the same emotional side that I got from looking at Frida’s paintings to other people, so that I could ensure that I could ‘touch’ people through paintings/ images, within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be fascinated by someone that was so ‘filled with emotions’ and being apparently ‘mysterious’ as she was, due to her tormented life which became a trigger point for her creations.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feed my mind with thoughts of ‘fascination’ whenever I would be in my sister’s room and stare at the images for quite some time, trying to almost ‘suck’ the essence out of the pain and sorrow they represented and use it as a way to ‘make my own art’ which eventually influenced what I did without me wanting to openly admit it, because ‘hey, I have to be special!’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deny admitting or fear admitting that Frida Kahlo was one of my influences because of how ‘popular’ she is in Mexico and me wanting to be ‘unique’ and ‘special’ as ‘an artist,’ which I thought that when naming Frida as an influence, I would be tagged as cheesy or predictable – hence I kept it ‘hidden’ and always naming any other artist as ‘influence’ just so that I could remain in an apparent ‘safe zone’ of influences and not going for what seemed ‘obvious’ only in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that Frida’s paintings were a ‘great influence for me,’ wherein the idea of ‘influence’ is still used as a way to not directly accept that I in fact just wanted to be like her and experience myself the same way she did as ‘that made her create great art!’ without ever really measuring what it would be like to be living in constant depression, sorrow and pain as the emotions that I would get and imagine her experiencing when looking at her paintings.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to from the moment of being in my sister’s room, looking at Frida’s paintings, create this ‘special moment’ of me staring at a work of art with a predisposition to ‘get something off it’ as an experience, and the more I was able to get any form of ‘empathy’ such as depression, sadness, chills or any other energetic experience, I would use as a measuring point to say that the artwork was ‘powerful’ and ‘great’ and if I didn’t get any emotion/ feeling from it: I would say the artwork is not good/ bullshit.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to link the creation of emotions whenever I looked at art/ paintings/ music videos and any other image that I could use as a way to ‘feel alive’ through generating emotions and feelings from it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define being emotional and mysterious as being a ‘superior being’ that is more ‘sensitive’ toward the world, when in fact it is no different to any other being existing as the mind, generating emotions and feelings instead of just Living here as breath – within this, I realize that I have pondered artists and creative people that are well-tormented as ‘superior’ because of how I programmed myself from that early age to associate being emotional = being alive, being more aware, being more ‘in touch with yourself,’ which is just another excuse for me to validate my career choice and entire personality as in wanting to be and become ‘an artist.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take the judgment of my mother toward Frida’s paintings on my sister’s wall as being ‘too sad and gory’ while making a gesture of disgust as a ‘good idea’ for me to do something that would deliberately vex her, disturb her, which is linked to an entire process that I’ve realized fairly recently due to the Heaven’s Journey To Life  blog how there is this friction relationship with the mother from the time of inception – hence this event was just part of me creating a point of friction toward her, to deliberately ‘shock’ and ‘disturb’ her, as a way to get out of the ‘cookie cutter pattern’ that I thought she wanted me to remain as/ impose onto myself because of being ‘her daughter’ – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to like the idea of me doing something that would disturb my mother in a shocking way, as a statement of saying: I am not like my sisters, I do not have conventional preferences, I step out of the family mold – which is how through becoming the entire ‘eccentric’ role, I fed my self-belief as this art-lover more and more as that meant separating myself more and more from having to continue/ follow the steps of my sisters as what I deemed being ‘normal, ordinary, conventional’ in a derogatory/ inferior way, wherein I had placed the eccentric/ odd/ mysterious/ emotional in a superior place in my mental value scheme toward the world and people.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to from the moment of seeing the shock and impact that images would create and instill in my mother to the point of her asking my sister to take them down, to then use paintings as a way for me to ‘go against her flow’ and create shocking images just for the sake of secretly vindicating my desire to vex and disturb my mother, even if I ‘hid’ most of those paintings from her, even till this day –

 

I forgive myself that I have not accepted and allowed myself to realize that the entire play-out of events from this moment on defined my desire to paint something that would be ‘eccentric’ and disturbing as a way to make my mother react or be bothered, and get a kick out of it – with no reason or purpose but that initial primordial relationship of mother/ daughter that began from the moment I was inside her womb.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted an allowed myself to choose a career just for the sake of wanting to ‘step out ‘of the mold that I believed I was being imposed with, and in that desire to ‘spite my mother’/ family structure, I opted to study something that represented ‘getting out of the family mold,’ without realizing that the only one I was fucking with was myself, as I would have to live with that decision based on all of these emotional and relationship play outs in my family that I defined myself according to.

 

I realize that the only one that is now living the consequences of such decisions based on experiences is myself, and it has nothing to do with the paintings, the painter, my mother or sisters, but only myself and my own mind as the definition of who and what I wanted to be and what I did not want to be ‘for others,’ not even for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within spiting what I perceived were imposed decisions for my life from my mother, I took the ‘opposite road’ in order to ensure that ‘I’ could decide for myself, wherein I simply took the opposite road to spite them and separate myself from them, without actually realizing that the decision I was taking was for me and my own life and that the only one that would have to live with such decisions was myself, and that I was the only one that would have to live with it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that in my desire to ‘spite everyone else,’ I only spitted myself.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to elevate art to the status of being something ‘eccentric and unique’ which fueled my desire to not be ordinary, to be ‘out of this world/ out of my family mold’ and within that, be ‘abnormal’ from the ‘normalcy’ that I had judged as pathetic and predictable, without realizing that we have all always been predictable as the mind patterns that work in mechanical ways wherein I was never really aware of me when living out those choices, but was only following a systematic pattern of creating friction and opposition in order to establish my self-righteousness over common sense in my life, to only fuel my ego.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to begin painting with the desire to be emotional to have something ‘great’ to paint, and to evoke the same experience in another when looking at it, which is what I defined as what would make a painting ‘famous’ and ‘liked’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start seeing emotions – in a lesser manner also feelings – as a way to make a painting ‘come alive’ wherein I started believing that the emotional way I was painting in would define a painting s either successful/ not successful based on the reactions that others would be able to obtain from them.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘feel alive’ through paintings, associating this with having to be sad, dismal, depressed and angry at the world, which is how I would allow myself to reinforce emotions through words, pictures, ideas, thoughts, lyrics, books in order to gather ‘enough material to work with’ as an emotional experience that I would define as ‘feeling inspired’ to paint and portray that which I wanted to say in order to leave a ‘mark’ of my emotional state for the world – creating an entire mythology around my own paintings as something special.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that because I didn’t have much to be sad about, I had to start creating my own sad stories and beginning to yearn for love and relationships, as that was another topic that I saw could generate a similar experience of ‘hopelessness’ and ‘dullness’ that I could express through images/ pictures according to how I would go tagging my reality as sad/ dismal and portraying that as paintings.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to talk myself into depression and deliberately triggering thoughts/ using images to create these emotional experiences because I defined that I could only be alive and be ‘sensitive enough’ just like an artist/ Frida, to create any good work of art.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could only create art if I had a ‘broken heart’ or a yearning for a relationship, which are the points that I fueled in order to paint.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start looking at this world as being damned and shitty, as a thought in my mind just for the sake of making of that thought a painting that could make me ‘feel’ like I as this sensitive person to what was going on in the world – hence making me special in my own eyes and wanting to be special at the eyes of others = the desire to be an eccentric unique being.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start seeing everyone as sad and dismal and slaves, which became the actual filter with which, till this day, I have been walking in order to not constantly feed the same pattern that I created in order to fuel my ‘creative abilities’ when using emotions as a trigger point for me to paint. This implies that I began seeking for the ‘negative experiences’ as a way to make myself feel ‘better’ about myself and feel ‘good’ whenever I could create with using such ‘emotional states of being’ as a source of ‘inspiration.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe then myself to be ‘too sensitive for this world,’ wherein I simply took the idea of ‘an artist being a more sensitive being’ wherein in my mind, being an artist and being sensitive meant a more ‘evolved’ human being, a more ‘humane’ being without ever realizing what emotions were really all about until now through what we learn and educate ourselves with at Desteni.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to talk myself into believing that I had a ‘gift’ to represent emotions in a touching manner through my paintings/ images/ drawings/ pictures, which became a point that I held on as myself, as if I was special about it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to talk myself into desiring a relationship, instigating any form of problem and friction within myself to have something to be sad, bothered, angry about in order to paint.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe in the sentence ‘True art only comes from suffering’ from Palahniuk’s books that I took on as a creed, and that I used to fuel my desire to have experiences in order to have something ‘meaningful’ to paint, which is how I would judge then what ‘good art’ and what ‘bad art’ was based on the amount of emotions and feelings I could generate/ get from looking at art, without realizing that I had programmed myself to act and believe that this was actually ‘so’ within itself which means: there was never ever something ‘special ‘and ‘unique’ about it, other than my obvious self-brain washing in a desire to be special.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain within the belief that ‘I had to be inspired to create any good art’ which mean ‘I had to be experiencing an emotion – preferably – to make any good painting, and that if I was rather ‘happy’ or in a positive attitude, it would mostly not be a good work of art, but only a spoof of reality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the sadder I felt, the better the painting would come out to be, wherein I would deliberately begin painting when I thought that I was sad enough, angry enough to do so.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to continue with this pattern of believing that creation required myself to be in a particular emotional way to generate emotions within others and within that, make of ‘my work’ something ‘great’ due to and because of how I had believed that only great works of art stem from feeling sad, experiencing sorrow and depression, which became a state of being that I deliberately sought in order to ‘make great art,’ without ever realizing I was only manipulating myself in order to fit my own ideal of what ‘great art’ is supposed to be.

 

 

Self Corrective Statements

 

When and as I see myself believing that ‘great art’ is that which is able to evoke an emotional experience within me and others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I programmed myself this way from the time when I got an experience from Frida’s paintings that became the ‘blueprint’ for me to establish what is ‘great successful art’ and what is not, wherein through this value system I simply accept myself to be an emotional-robot that can only feel ‘alive’ if being ‘emotional’ in any way as a state of being.

 

When and as I see myself believing that being an artist is being a ‘special unique being’ and ‘sensitive’ toward the world, I stop and I breathe – I realize that in art the emotional and feeling bodies are used to give further meaning to just images and things in order to perpetuate the idea of the human being a sensitive creature, which is in no way what we really are as the proof of what our desire and drive for experiences is Here as the consequence of this absolute self interest wherein we can do ‘anything’ jus to ‘feel everything’ even if it means depleting the earth’s resources in the name of a feeling/ emotion, abusing ourselves, abusing life and simply perpetuating a monetary system that in no way is supporting LIFE but only the human as experiences within emotions and feelings that keep us all occupied in our minds and neglecting the reality that is crumbling down every step that we take to fulfill our ‘dreams’ instead of acting and caring to consider what is best for all instead.

 

When and as I see myself being drawn to pictures that depict sorrow, suffering, blood, tears, sadness, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I programmed myself to develop my ‘emotional side’ as the mind within looking at such images, in order to ponder emotions as ‘living’ and equating them to a ‘higher level of consciousness’ due to the belief that I held toward ‘emotions/ feelings’ being the actual ‘core’ of being a human being as in ‘being alive,’ yet absolutely neglecting the consequences that such feelings and emotions had on a physical level in every body, but only going for that rush as the actual energy that I would create whenever I could become emotional, just like a drug that I could generate through my own thoughts and my own images to reinforce such thoughts

 

When and as I see myself believing that I ‘chose my career’ based on my ‘affinity with art and life’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this was just the result of me talking to myself to become someone eccentric – as I deemed artists to be – and within that, doing everything that I could to emulate the lives of beings that were artists so that I could be ‘one of them’ by identifying myself with their emotional experience and existence, which I defined as ‘living’ and being a ‘more aware being’ which was never really so, but only a highly ingrained belief system wherein I believed that an emotional being was ‘in touch with themselves, ‘when It was only being in touch with the mind as self, but never self aware as the totality of this world – without realizing that artists, just like any other human being, are only infatuated with their own thoughts, imagination, emotions, feelings, which is no different to any other being existing in absolute self-interest and self-obsession – thus

 

When and as I see myself seeing an ‘artist’ with this aura of ‘specialness’ when compared to other ‘normal’ beings, I stop and I breathe. I realize I am perpetuating my own mindfuck toward art/ artists being ‘special’ and ‘unique beings’ which is why I sought to be ‘one of them’ when deliberately wanting to ‘identify’ myself with artists and their lives.

 

When and as I see myself looking at a work of art with the desire to get an ‘experience’ out of it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the reason why art is ‘art’ is because of reinforcing the emotions and feelings of people – instead I can direct myself to see how I can use art as an effective way to instigate the realization of us human beings being responsible for this world and this Earth as each one of us, which is a more tangible way of using images in the name of Self-Support as Life, and not as mere instigators of emotions and feelings as ‘human nature.’

 

When and as I see myself wanting to make a decision in my life based on the desire to oppose my family/ the world/ ‘normal people,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is a basic mechanism that I have used throughout my life to generate conflict and separate myself from others in means of keeping me as ‘special’ and ‘unique,’ which is in fact just another egotistical way to ensure that ‘I’ remain special/ unique within the ‘artist role,’ instead I realize that all decisions I make must be considered within the outflows and consequences of the entirety of ‘who I am’ in that moment of decision, taking all into consideration wherein I ensure I am not opposing something/ someone, wanting to ‘avoid’ or wanting to create an experience within me as ‘living,’ – but instead direct me to consider the practical, physical and tangible steps to walk that decision that will be founded upon the consideration of what is best for all life, what is it really required to be and be done in order to establish LIFE in this world.

 

I realize that I had only sought to be and become this profession to indulge in my egotistical personality, my desire to be special and unique – instead of ever really considering what can I be and become in order to be an actual participant that takes on a position within reality to change the world that I judged for so long, and daring to first walk that process myself which is what I am now walking as my own correction to the decisions I made based on opposition, retaliation in my own mind to create a sense of superiority toward ‘the rest of the world,’ trying to ‘not be of this world’ by ‘being an artist’ and creating an aura of specialness around me.

 

When and as I see myself desiring to ‘not be like everyone else’ I stop and I breathe, I realize that this is the mechanism that we all accept as ‘normal’ within ourselves, but is in fact the basic platform from which inequality stems, because such statement implies: I want to be special, I want to be ‘more’ than others – hence allowing an entire system that enables such ‘specialness’ through the value given to different professions and skills that can actually be equalized for all if we stop holding anything as more or less than who we are as one and equal. Thus I see that the equalization of myself as life begins with stopping one single thought as a desire to ‘not be normal/ ordinary.’ I direct myself to stand as one and equal as the totality that we are wherein there can be no more and no less, but only self-expansion from the confinement of a mind that seeks to be ‘above others’ into the creation of a reality that I can in fact contribute to be supportive for all equally, and in that, supporting people’s expression to be artists and create themselves as the individuals that we all can be if regarding ourselves as life in Equality.

 

I realize that the reason why I considered art as some ‘unique’ and ‘special’ activity/ profession in my world, was because of the fame and aura of ‘specialness’ that artists would get, which became my actual desire to be and become an artist for such desire to be recognized and praised as some ‘great creator’ only to fuel my ego and desire for specialness, which stems from an actual inferiority and sense of ‘lacking’ such wholeness/ completion as myself as my physical being, but believing that I had to seek to be ‘more’ than myself as who and what I’ve been and am and will be until I die: my physical body here, breathing.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I can only create when I am feeling ‘emotional’ in any way – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the reason why I believe that ‘I do not want to create anything’ just because I have not been as ‘emotional’ as I used to, wherein I have stopped having this desire to ‘create’ because of the link I created between art creation and emotional experience. Thus I direct myself to create without thinking that I require to be emotional/ inspired to do so, which is then me creating as a moment of expression within myself that does not require to be backed by an experience, but can be directed as the moment in common sense = considering what’s best for all as a creation that is not fueled by emotions or feelings, but only externalizing the expression of myself in any given moment that I direct myself to do so.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to get positive feedback on my creations as a way to ‘know’ that I have ‘touched’ them in any way, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am trying to make of art an emotion/ feeling instigator instead of actually supporting myself and others to stop the mind and get back into the physical reality that does not require feelings or emotions to be and exist – hence I direct myself to use pictures, images, paintings in common sense to give them a new meaning based on what life is, what life can be if we all work together to actually create a world that’s best for all, wherein the only role that art can take is the creative process in itself wherein we all realize ourselves as our own creators and within that, being self responsible about such creations in order to ensure that we are in fact considering each other in every moment of creation, and stop creating as a means to elevate our egos –

 

I commit myself to stop any aura of specialness toward art, and simply accept it, see it as any other form of expression coming from a fellow human being that is valuable just for the part of this reality that it represents, without seeing it as ‘holy objects’ or ‘special objects’ in my world.

 

I commit myself to establish the Equal Money System that will ensure that dreams of fame and fortune stop being this constant fuel for the desire to be special and unique within beings, but instead become an actual point of support to ensure that all beings can learn how to express through art if they want to do so, and have no restrictions based on time, survival or any other form of belief of what is art/ what is not art – but simply using materials to create as a way to get to know ourselves through our creations, be able to reflect about reality in a self-supportive way wherein emotions and feelings are no longer in the way but we direct the work to be an actual representation of the realization of who we are as one and equals as life.

 

 

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June 5, 2012

52: Capitalist Quick-Handy-Brainwash

By Marlen

We are all aware of poverty as one of the greatest problems we face on Earth as the direct consequence of having numbed and sedated ourselves quite nicely with knowledge and information that we accepted as ‘unchangeable,’ and that we have simply embedded as a veneer to protect us from facing the real screwed up facts that we have swallowed in the name of our personal “well being” wherein anthems like ‘I don’t care about anyone else but me’ become the voice of a generation that is doomed to remain secluded in a 4 x 4 cell – ehhm… room, proclaiming such perfect brainwashed hate-culture that promotes individualism through the appearance of proud and and bravery while neglecting an entire reality that is crumbling down to pieces.

Within this quick-answers to life, we find several quotes that reflect the collective-acceptance of knowledge as a way to give an explanation to – virtually – all, it doesn’t matter if what’s implied in such quotes is detrimental to life, nooo – what matter is the ability of pumping up an ego that is clearly submitted within a state of ‘powerlessness’ wherein the constant desire to ‘outdo’ others through knowledge and information becomes the equivalent of actual battles to conquer territories in the middle-ages.

Let’s begin with the Holybook that sounds more like Hollywood as its second remake to keep the masses ‘occupied’ while missing the very first acceptance here.

“There will always be poor people in the land. Therefore I command you to be openhanded toward your brothers and toward the poor and needy in your land.” Deuteronomy 15:11

 

God/whoever said it: There will ALWAYS be poor people in the land – Massive crime against humanity in the holy-script-you-are yet, what people only look at and ‘Pay’ attention to is ‘oh so what do I have to do to be able to earn the kingdom of god in the heavens?’ which is perfect indoctrination really, be the effect that ‘solves the problem’ instead of ever looking at the cause, which is actually one of the greatest flaws within the ability to observe reality and ourselves as the cause and origin of the problem.

 

Another quick-drive-thru example: I had a discussion with someone defending the use of guns because ‘how else would they defend themselves if someone shoot first’? and in that, missing out the entire root and cause of the problem – how have we dared to build / produce an object as a means to “protect,” embedding in it the ability to be ‘god’ as in taking a being’s life in one split-second.

 

“Life is tons of discipline.” – Robert Frost

Live, work, work, work, have children, work, work, get old and die.

Do not deviate from that (production) line and you’ll be a happy-living fella. Well, we should be aware by now how ‘wisdom quotes’ are used to perpetuate the very system that will maintain everyone with a happy-coat of caramel melting all over you in order to not see the actual truth underneath it all. Discipline is regarded as a ‘positive aspect’ within society for the complacency it implies within the monetary realm: I do not see, I do not hear, I only work and what I earn is for me and my loved ones to live happily ever after – but is it when all that you discipline yourself to is being an obedient robot that doesn’t question why he has to spend 40 years of his life working non stop to be able to “live”? And people learn how to be proud of such achievements while in fact, it’s like an ode to a life-long decimation of any inkling of life in each one of us. And I’d get always this ‘feeling sorry’ for people when noticing this, this asphyxiating routine and how we can mock at each other’s day to day living yet: we are all trapped in the same boat just because of Money.

 

Within that equation Life = tons of discipline: heavy weight, a burden, life is a struggle, life must be fought for, life must be ‘earned’ and not unconditionally given – all of it is reflected in one single moment that you propose to someone the ability to live in Equality = giving and receiving what we want and require within a System that values Life and all you get is complains and even threats toward ‘making sure Equality never works for all’ – Jesus left great words but they have never been lived – whenever you propose Neighborism and living in Equality people go:

Whaaaat?

 

And then the fears come up because: who will I be without ‘this’ discipline? If I don’t require money to motivate me, then ‘what’ will motivate me? And this is not for the sake of judging, I mean It took me quite a long time of actual common sense development to understand the Equal Money System – however, I’m bringing into awareness how one single word can trigger out the most rabid fears toward communism, and abuse of ‘being able to have it all’ which implies one thing: we have never in fact lived, we have only lived to die and survive through.

We are discovering the power of the word, but we’ve certainly trapped ourselves even further whenever we take such words as the ‘law of god’ without actually pondering what is being defended and actually said there.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use knowledge and information in order to blind myself and only bling my eyes with that which sounds ‘right’ and ‘good’ and ‘productive’ within a world wherein ‘my happiness’ depends on ‘my effectiveness’ to be a complacent slave that does not question the most basic accepted and allowed forms of ‘living’ in this world, which are conditioned to money and money and money and my desire to fulfill the ultimate state of ‘superiority’ above others, because that’s what I apparently came here for.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept poverty and starvation, abuse, violation of life in all ways because ‘the bible told me so’ and in that, buying the bill of ‘rights’ and ‘liberties’ that are focused on maintaining a ‘guaranteed individuality’ based on the satisfaction of one’s own ‘living rights’ which are bought and sold only, within a system wherein money is not given to all in Equality, but is instead given upon working as a slave within a system that will ensure that one is so embellished with entertainment, ‘goods to buy’ and the eternal seeking of perfect-picture lifestyles of a thousand smiles and ‘good times’ that I have neglected the very existence of fellow human beings that are most certainly starving and having No say in the system as to why they had to be born as a deliberate outflow of an elite that seeks positivity, power, ‘comfort’ through protectionism provided by money.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having been a ‘disciplined being’ in society as that is considered a ‘reward’ within the system wherein: the better slave I am, the more money I get, the less questions I ask, the more I am liked by my boss – and in that, becoming the perfect eslabón (Spanish for link) slave in the chain of be born, consume, make money, love and die as a way to ensure that Life is always at the background, just ‘there’ as a taken-for-granted fact that we can simply ‘make money from’ and in that, believe that it is is ‘how the world works’ and ‘how God wanted it all to be’ – because otherwise, within the realization that it is in fact US that have created this system would create such great distress in people’s lives that all fairy tales would dissolve in a rather caustic manner, implying that they were never real in the first place, but only sustained through prolonged acceptance and allowance of abuse as ‘who we are’ in the system of ‘living, consuming, dying’ and repeating ad nauseam.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the reality that is presented only through flashy pictures on the TV screen about poverty and viewing it in perfect HD while neglecting that the very ability for me to watch poverty through TV implies that I am in fact the elite that has created and manifested poverty as the waste produced every time that I sought my own comfort, happiness, bliss, joy and the ultimate state of satisfaction as the saturation of myself with ‘positivity’ that is translated in physical reality as wealth/ money and a never quenching desire for More.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘wisdom quotes’ as a way to defend the apparent ‘human supremacy over matter/life/ Earth’ giving ourselves the ‘permission’ to intellectualize reality to suit our preferences, our knowledgeable ego that is willing to neglect the very basic aspects in which we are sustaining this self-fulfilling suckcessful bubble in the name of my own personal glory.

 

I commit myself to continue exposing the accepted and allowed abuse in this world through the use of knowledge and information as way to mask reality and its rawness with positive attitudes and ‘attributes’ that make the perfect consumer a ‘happy being’ because apparently, such actions provide a sense of ‘well being’ for ourselves, without realizing that it is in the very accepted and allowed words and implications within such words that we have created this reality as the perfect excuse and actual spitefulness toward life, only to suit our self-interest and personal self-enlightened behavior.

 

I commit myself to become the example of what it is to let go of knowledge and information as  way to suit my own ‘needs’ as my-needs is implying that I participate in a world-system of money that is only existent for a minority in this world as an actual means of satisfaction and completion through buying/ consuming to be ‘happy’ in this world, while the same monetary system means absolute disgrace, poverty, enslavement and a never ending rabbit hole wherein life doesn’t meet its needs and money is only seen as that god that has never shown its face to them.

 

I commit myself to stand for Life in Equality no matter what, no matter how many threats and words and spiteful vengeful discussions are walked in the name of defending the system with all claws and weapons of choice which have become words, as ‘wisdom quotes’ as ‘facts’ that people use in the name of guarding that which they love the most: money, power, specialness and their ability to abuse just for a temporary sense of satisfaction and fulfillment in a system where Energy is the real enslavement of humanity.

 

I commit myself to implement the Equal Money System as the one way to show and reveal to what extent we have doomed ourselves by our own negligence toward life itself, wherein I have become the very abuse that the system has been proclaiming as a way to ‘succeed’ which I have bought because there is apparently ‘no other way around in the system.’

 

I commit myself to life no matter how many rocks are thrown as words that intend to kill and perpetuate abuse, as I realize that ‘them’ are myself and all I can do is show the way to forgive ourselves for the delusion we have created, bought and sold in the name of personal interest – and within that, showing, revealing and sharing examples of how we stand for Life in Equality as an actual living-statement that Life must be valued in equality for and as All that is here in this same ecosystem as the Earth, and that there is an actual way to go forward which implies each one’s will to stand as an equal in this world, and be the actual change that is required to promote a new living-system that will never again have to use words/ knowledge and information in means of satisfying only mind-egos, but actually support practical living-life between all living beings on Earth.

 

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This blog is in continuation to Day 16: Who am I

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May 30, 2012

Day 46: Free Choice Godhood

By Marlen

 

“For those who believe in God, most of the big questions are answered. But for those of us who can’t readily accept the God formula, the big answers don’t remain stone-written. We adjust to new conditions and discoveries. We are pliable. Love need not be a command nor faith a dictum. I am my own god. We are here to unlearn the teachings of the church, state, and our educational system. We are here to drink beer. We are here to kill war. We are here to laugh at the odds and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us.”
― Charles Bukowski

 

I read some of Bukowski’s books in the past and had a great time identifying with the type of cynicism that would point out: everything is fucked, live fast and die young, enjoy life to its utmost degree of ‘fuck it all’ type of view upon my own existence. Oh man, did I get myself into my own conundrum when such self-created highs and lows started wearing out as fast as they emerged – dissatisfaction reigned over and I saw myself once again pondering about ‘God’ and this existence. Luckily enough, I found Desteni at the time right before I was about to get my ass-sent into some real lightworking behaviors that I would have most likely regretted in my life. I stopped myself before going deep into the rabbit hole, I cut all habits that kept me in such ‘li(e)fstyle’ and gave myself the opportunity to find out what it was to really live.

 

I found this quote in a series of comments within a picture that denotes that our educational system is a fraud, as it only creates suitable conditions to ‘succeed’ for those that have the inherent physical skills/abilities to do so, which means that we have accepted a mono-tone educational system that is mostly designed to segregate those that ‘do not fit in the profile’ of  ‘making it’ in the system, as being the type of obedient servant that will do anything to obtain the ever elusive dream-like lifestyle where wealth is the god at the end of the hard long road through hell, which means: walking our current reality as the system we have spawned here.

 

In the past I would have mostly agreed with Bukowski’s quote whole-heartedly as it ‘makes sense’ and does have a cool input in terms of reality/ world systems and pondering where is ‘life’ in that. However the intention and resolution for what’s being realized/ observed is directed toward ‘live well (read: hedonism), drink, have a good time, laugh, be pliable and wait till you die’ and this is then from the belief  that we as human beings have any ‘say’ upon ‘who we are’ and what we decide to live and do. This is reinforced and stated clearly as ‘I am my own god’ which is certainly a statement that can only be made at a mind level in the afore mentioned terms of perceived ‘free choice’ as living a life of positive-experiences and pleasures. Such godly statement requires a lot more understanding than the rightful act to ‘do as you please’ in the name of ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ which are the greatest human-made scam-concepts directed to create a righteousness that stands on the feet of any form of humbleness to realize: we have never in fact lived – therefore we’ve never had any form of actual free choice, we have only been the outflow and consequence of a primordial abdication of life to an energetic system that we’ve dubbed as ‘living.’

From here: how can any form of ‘Free Choice’ and ‘Free Will’ exist? It can’t – all our choices are ‘damned’ from the very moment that we as a whole went in for a ‘ride’ to see ‘what it would be/feel like’ to experience something’ = to ‘live’ a surrogate experience as ‘living’  instead of wholeness of/as  life, as who we really are.

 

I am aware that this eternal longing/ yearning to ‘return to the whole’ has been a constant topic in various artistic/ literature/ sociological subjects – however, all attempts to ‘get back to the whole’  have been conducted through more knowledge and information in the form of self-indulgent philosophies, religions, practices, art statements, anthropological/ scientific postulates – yet,  never ever walked as a process of Self-Forgiveness wherein knowledge and information is but a tool to recognize the point  of separation, but never the answer.

 

Through Self Forgiveness we recognize our direct responsibility to the fuckup of creation that we have spawned as a consequence of the primordial separation that is and has become ‘all we’ve ever known.’ For that, I suggest reading the following blog from Day 1: Heaven’s Journey to Life.

 

We are in a crossroads point in reality wherein the only ‘choice’ that is possible is: stand up and dedicate yourself to Life/ living and becoming part of a new world that is willing to consider, respect, honor each other and every single life form as one and equal – or remain as a finite energetic system that is only pursuing happiness through ‘being your own god’ and having a good time until death comes and everything is simply gone without having ever lived. The choice seems quite obvious to me – yet reality proves that not many are willing to commit themselves to live in a world of equals.

 

I’ve chosen Life – however it has nothing to do with ‘having a good time’ – it’s actually quite the opposite in terms of stopping any feel-good experience for the mind. It is stopping the mind as in stopping myself from being a single organic robot that is constantly bouncing from highs and lows in life, being a perpetual addict for energy, which is using the Earth’s life, transforming it into energy that we give different names/ categories as experiences through accepting emotions, feelings, ideas, beliefs, and perceptions as ‘who I am.’ Now, I have realized all of the above is everything that I am not – meaning: everything that I had deemed as part of ‘my own control’ upon my so-called ‘life’ – which includes having ‘chosen’ and made ‘decisions’ on who/what/how/ with whom/ where I want to experience myself in – have only been a consequential outflow that has always been dictated by the condition we all emerged from– and this is not only in terms of family/ society/ current world system – but seen from the initial existential emergence as who/ what we are now, which is only the manifested consequence of separation.

 

 

That ‘One Choice’ was subordinating our wholeness to an energetic system of perpetual enslavement – and for that, all that has been considered as ‘godly’ in the earthly realms of a hedonist lifestyle, must be debunked and exposed for the false-creation of ‘freedom’ as one of the pivotal points that encouraged a desensitized society that couldn’t care-less about reality other than satisfying one’s own idea of life, which has nothing to do with an actual living reality that is simply here, self breathing oxygen, nurturing our physical body and learning how to walk through directing ourselves as our own two feet – it does get that ‘simple’ in terms of having always only taken our mind for a ride, but never our body – and in that, we learn how to start walking on our own two feet while developing awareness of our physical body as we do so. This can be both literal and metaphorically speaking – however I am speaking in the more literal sense here.

 

The ‘path’ of self forgiveness may seem of absolute asceticism for many from the perspective of not indulging in the usual earthly desires and fixes that the majority of the population with  enough money can afford  – be it drugs, food/drinks, sex, entertainment, spirituality, religions, clubs and any other form of evasion of reality that can be bought in this world. Learning how to live means that we start regarding what it is to stop being a single factotum to the mind.  I can say that I’ve never been so ‘whole’ in my life-experience, not having this constant ‘urge’ to go outside and ‘seek something’ anything and all that could allow me to not ‘be here’ with myself, facing the who I am. And this process is explained in great and supportive detail within the interview The Split between two words. The choice then becomes more evident as one proves the ability to live in simplicity rather than being a constant bundle of joy, sadness, madness, anger, depression and suppression.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ever had ‘free choice’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that free choice was about ‘doing as I please’ and choosing to live ‘my way’ based on preferences, ideals, beliefs that I had accepted as ‘who I am’ as a mind system that only sought its own replenishment as an energetic machine that requires to be constantly fed in the name of personal satisfaction as the ‘idea of self,’ but never considering Life in Equality as who I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to spite life in the name of ‘free choice’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my free choice through intellectualizing reality and believing that ‘I was free to choose what’s best for me,’ without realizing that I had not even in fact understood myself, who I am and what I am doing here – hence all specs of ‘certainty’ could only exist as the certainty of who I am as energy/ mind an idea that has established definitive ways to constantly feed itself/ replenish itself without ever actually considering Life in that equation as who/what I am.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself toe ever believe myself to have made ‘the right choices’ in my life in order to ‘escape the system,’ through using art as a way to sublimate (separate) myself from my reality, which I am now taking the directive principle to reintegrate back to myself as the physical body that I ignored while trying to be something ‘more’ than myself as a physical body that breaths, eats, shits, exists and interacts with everything else in relationships that must now be equalized/ walked in a self-directive principle of equality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my choice was ‘to not believe in God’ and give-up ‘God’ to become ‘my own God’ as a way to exert what I deemed was my ‘free choice’ and ‘free will’ which can only mean: doing everything that will please my ego/ senses and neglect the actual life that allows such pleasures to exist. This means that

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘Free Choice’ as an excuse to split myself between serving two gods: the mind and its pleasures and an apparent respect for life through deeming this ‘free choice’ as any form of ‘liberation,’ without ever realizing or considering that all my choices were damned from the get go, and that any ideal of freedom based on experiences, was only me reinforcing the initial separation and enslavement of who I am as a single experience that seeks for ‘more’ once that the effect runs out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could ever be free through creating an ‘alternate path’ within wanting to be ‘outside of the system’ and ‘contradicting the system’ as the mainstream popular culture and opposing political regimes and creating alternate versions of ‘freedom’ through self-sustainable living, which was only caring about my own life/ my own experience instead of ever considering myself as the whole that had to create a solution for the whole and based on practical living reality, which implies that No Solution can be created upon the current monetary system that is standing as the image and likeness of that primordial choice of living in separation of ourselves as one and equal, and denigrated life into an energetic system that seeks to constantly add-up onto itself to generate an apparent ‘moreness’ of self through experiences, which is and has become our very doom of civilization – see-evil-I-zation wherein the actual evil nature as the effect and consequence of our separation has been made ‘acceptable’ as attitudes, preferences, likes, opinions, beliefs that stand against what’s best for all life – yet we’ve neglected this because: it makes us feel good – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abdicate life to a single ‘feel good experience’ that comes and goes and call that ‘free choice,’ while taking the vantage and conceited attitude of being ‘my own god’ by ‘following my own rules,’ without ever questioning who/ what was actually dictating me to seek pleasure, satisfaction, happiness, joy and all the ‘good positive things,’ and what is it that I was actually creating and generating within myself and this entire world system while doing so, which implies that I gave up my ability to Live in/ as oneness and equality as real-Life, and became only a surrogate experience of energetic symptoms that sought to be alleviated by creating further chemical reactions and experiences = adding fuel to the ongoing fire that had emerged from one single spark of friction as the initial/ primordial separation of who I am as one and equal.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘my choice to live’ was based on opposing the system and instead, ‘opting’ to live a life of seeking my own satisfaction as what I believed were my intentions/ desire as  dreams, hopes and illusions that I could accumulate throughout my lifetime in order to be able to say ‘I have lived’ and ‘I have made the ‘right’ choices in life’ – deeming ‘right’ as opposing the system through an ‘alternative lifestyle’ that I would then seek to obtain benefits from, as we realize that no one can really be ‘out of the system.’ Yet, vaingloriously proclaim that ‘we do oppose the system/ regime.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that free choice was the ability to laugh at weakness/ the ability to laugh at our own human-oddity and absurdity, which I accepted as a ‘way of living’ wherein I could create an alternate version of reality in my mind wherein I could always have a good laugh about reality, write about, gossip about it with others in order to continue to satisfy our believed ‘alternate living’ as ‘free choice,’ which I used as a way to ‘empower’ myself and see me ‘above others’ that I deemed as ‘less aware’ of what was going on in the world, without realizing that such apparent ‘opting out of the system’ through an ‘alternative lifestyle’ was only a tantrum and conceited ignorant rebellious act as I was never in fact aware of what we have been as humanity, as creation and taking into consideration all of the outflows that such separation would entail –  thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify ‘free choice’ with knowledge and information that suited my own configuration/ personality as preferences and opinions that I deemed to be ‘correct’  – obviously, as we are all ‘gods’ in our own heads always thinking that we are always right and everyone else is just ‘deluded’ and ‘ignorant,’ without ever pondering: why don’t I then walk a process to support others to see what I see? And instead justifying my inaction and deliberate separation through thinking that ‘there is no solution now, we can all just consume, extract the most of it all to ‘be happy’ and die’ which has become a usual statement/ declaration of ‘free choice’ in the world, while neglecting the actual facts of what allows such exertion of ‘free will’ wherein all that is consumed is life and all that has been supported was systems of energy/ separation of who we are as the mind – but never life in/of equality and oneness.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I choose to live the life of a rebel’ without realizing that in such decision I was simply declaring a perpetual war against myself only, as energy is all that’s created from any form of conflict – hence all that I cared for was replenishing me as energy/mind/ ego personality, without having cared to actually investigate how this world-system functions and  how instead of declaring war against it as a personality-choice, seeing how I could practically become a participant in the system in order to change it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take proud on any form of free choice that ignored the entirety of this world system that exists under the siege of capitalism as a system that ensures that everyone ‘seeks their dreams’ as all those dreams entail supporting the same machinery that generates money of which only a few can get the most benefits of/ from.

 

I forgive myself that I ever claimed to be ‘my own god’ without even being aware of what breathing does within my physical body, without being aware of every single movement that I make, of every single thought that goes through my head, of every single reaction that I exert as my own creation as a being that has only regarded itself according to being a thinking mind – but never an actual living-being.

I realize, see and understand that ‘being god’ would imply being aware of self as one and equal here, as the totality of ourselves from the very beginning to the very end of who/what we are, which implies that any godly statements have only served as a way to proclaim that I had ‘free choice’ in life, while neglecting the actual physical reality that is here and that I have little to no clue on how it actually operates.

 

I commit myself to expose free choice as the actual abuse of life in the name of personal interest wherein everything else is simply neglected, deliberately ignored because when existing in such free-choice righteousness, we can only seek to perpetuate our own free-choice as righteousness without questioning ‘too much’ as the mind does not like to reveal itself as the actual-nature of having to be consuming/ depleting/ extracting and sucking dry life in order to continue existing – which is and would be the ‘raw’ truth that is required to explain in order to realize how we are currently the real ‘gods’ in this reality that are causing the current problems in reality of absolute extermination and depletion of life-substances as the Earth’s resources that we live and thrive on.

 

I commit myself to stop any form of idea of having ‘free choice’ within myself, my life as this has never been my ‘real’ self as one an equal, nor has it been a ‘real life’ but only surviving as a constant system that seeks its own satisfaction. I then stop all forms of seeking this constant satisfaction through experiences, as I see and realize that all choices made from that apparent righteousness can only derive into further separation, further obsession, further enslavement of who I am as mind, as energy.

 

I commit myself to expose how the world is in reverse and everything that we had deemed as ‘our freedom’ has actually been our own ‘doom’ and demise, therefore explaining and proving how it is only through stopping ourselves from being deliberate energy-seeking drones that we can truly begin to see what living actually is, which entails no conflict, inner friction, fear or any other form of detrimental experience as there can be no experience when being here as life, breathing, living, directing self in and as equality and oneness.

 

I commit myself to expose the lies that we have bought as ‘living’ and ‘free choice’ as the arrogant instrument with which we have justified the spitefulness and abuse toward life as a way of being ‘righteous’ while accepting and allowing the current state of the world ‘as is’ without ever pondering who we are as active participants within it.

 

I commit myself to believe that I have any right to ‘my free choice’ and realizing every time that I ‘think’ of having ‘free choice,’ asking myself If my organs have any free choice to decide not to ‘work’ today, or take themselves for a fleeting ride for a moment – which implies that I have only been considering an energetic limitation as ‘who I am,’ instead of standing one and equal as the physical that certainly doesn’t require any ‘free choice’ to exist, as it only Is, lives and expresses as an equal part of the great organism that is this ecosystem, thus

 

I commit myself to support and become part of the creation of a world in Equality wherein my choices are only what’s best for all and that everything that I do, say, think is based on exerting the will of life and never more serving the god of energy of power/ greed/ desire for money as a way to ‘be free’ in reality, as no one is and will be free unless ALL beings are living free within an Equal Money System wherein Life will be finally respected, honored and acknowledged as an expression and not a choice.

 

“I commit myself to show, how – giving up ‘Choice’ as ‘Free Choice’, as the process of stopping Consciousness/Mind/Energy-Authority and becoming an equal and one living being as Living Words in and as and with the human physical body, and eventually this physical-existence in and as standing as The Decision for and as Life: is the process of giving up one’s enslavement as Consciousness/Mind/Energy, is the process of giving up one’s enslavement to Fear/Fear of Loss, is the process of giving up the One Choice that has eternally damned/enslaved self and all as self within and as existence – and is thus, in this – the process of gifting self, and eventually all Freedom within the context of in fact living in absolute equality and oneness with self as all, and in fact manifest Heaven on Earth as ourselves.” Sunette Spies [*]

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May 24, 2012

Day 40: The You-Diss-All System in Me

By Marlen

Who am I within communicating toward others? What are the immediate judgments that I create according to me reducing something/ someone to only being a picture presentation as a personality within my own mind?  What am I really allowing within myself when ‘making up my mind’ about something/ someone as to ‘who I must be’ toward them in relation to the idea that I create of others when viewing them/everything through the eyes of the mind only? What is this ‘preferential rate’ indicating about me?  This is walking through ‘who I am’ as the judge in my mind that manifests the current you-diss-all system as the judiciary that is able to contemplate whether a law applies or not according to a set of preferences/circumstances using the mind as the generator of all ‘proofs’ that are perfectly corruptible and malleable according to creating the necessary justifications/ excuses as knowledge and information that is able to suit one’s own interests in the name of power and vainglory.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an automated judge within communicating with others, wherein I stand as the ‘ultimate say’ of ‘Who I am’ toward others in a moment according to how ‘I make up my mind about them’ and in that, mimicking the same way that the judicial system interprets and applies the laws according to convenience, circumstance and context wherein the principle is corruptible to suit one’s own benefit and not really considering what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold a principle of/as Equality in place ‘in words’ just like we have our constitutions wherein ‘equal justice under law’ is ‘ensured’/ guaranteed on paper, as a statement, but when it comes to actually applying and living that statement, the leeway and backdoor of ‘interpretation’ according to my own benefit/ my own interests can be used as an excuse as to why I am not applying myself equally with all beings in my reality, which implies that I am not living yet as principle within communicating, interacting and living among others as I am still existing as the ‘judge’ in the secret mind that is able to decide another being’s ‘place’ within my own mind, and deciding ‘who I am’ toward them according to that judgments, which is only me-assessing-others wherein there is absolutely no physical relationship to what I ‘think’ of another, but I am only using knowledge and information to ‘make up my mind’ about ‘them’ and accordingly, ‘apply my law’ with its ‘amends’ so that I can still suit my preferences and dislikes toward beings/ events/ situations and not standing absolutely as one and equal as myself/ others in the moment of communicating an interacting based on physical living reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘interpretation’ as a way to suit what is being said/ conveyed in order to suit ‘my needs’ and justify  them with further knowledge and information that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and identify myself as.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own secret-mind court wherein I ‘make up my mind’ about a being in a matter of minutes according to ‘who I believe them to be’ as a set of characteristics based on  images, words, picture presentation, beliefs, mannerisms, way of expressing, voice tonality, clothes, race, gender, age and in that, reduce another being to being simply just another category that I can store in my mind as the definition of ‘who that person is’ as a reminder of ‘who I am toward them’ based on my own preferences – when in fact, it was all created/ assessed and assigned a value to within my own mind – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having ever believed that I was always ‘right’ about the assessment I could make of others wherein I completely supported and kept them ‘locked-in’ the same set of personality that they have believed themselves to be, and in that I become an accomplice  of another’s limitation of only being ‘a character’/ a personality/ a set of values, preferences, culture, gender, race, age, beliefs, ideology wherein I then become the judge in the secret mind that either praises and accepts or disses and rejects – within this  I become equal and one with the polarity-basis of a binary system that works according to positive and negative values, while dissing/ neglecting life of equality and oneness and relegate it to a non-existent and non-considered aspect within laws and regulations, wherein a principle is absolutely overlooked and deliberately ‘missed’  in the name of acceptance and rejection of another within my own mind as a positive-experience/  negative experience that I generate toward another in my mind – or as a neutral experience wherein I perceive that ‘I’m fine’ around those beings but in fact, it is still generating an experience toward them wherein a point of reference as to ‘who I am’ toward them is created in my mind as ‘being neutral with them’ and not simply being here as the impartiality of my application toward all beings in equality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a judge that either rules for yes/ no as the acceptance/ rejection of beings according to ‘how’ I want to apply a principle that stipulates Equality – which in itself implies the acceptance and allowance of corruption/ breaking our rules in the name of suiting our personal interests – yet the moment that I manipulate such principle to suit ‘my-needs’ as my preferences as the mind that seeks validation, recognition and getting compliments, I then ‘accept’ and vote in favor of that which is for my own benefit – whereas when I manipulate such principle to suit my preferences of ‘disliking’ another, I corrupt myself as principle to give more value/ worth to a set of preferences instead of the living physical principle, that is at all times revealing that equality as physical beings is here and that any point of preference and ‘inclination’ toward another is based on the mind that I have become as the judge that seeks at all times, to vote in favor of that which is best for me, as my mind, as my personality, as my set of preferences and that which I will get some personal benefit from.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge the judicial system which seems tautological now that I write about it, due to how I have accepted and allowed myself to become the very judge that is able to rule in favor of that which sustains, maintains and perpetuates the ‘positive idea/ personality’ that I have of myself – and denies, neglects, hides and tries to run away from everything that I have deemed as the ‘negative and opposite’ that won’t support my very design, which is how my mind resists facing that which I judge/ deem as a ‘dislike,’ as the mind is constantly only seeking validation, perpetuation of the same values as the confirmation of the patterns that create an ideal of worth as personality, and according to this, having become a predictable personality that seeks similar personalities wherein I as the judge in my mind can decide what is ‘worthy’ and what is not, as I have become the very corruption of life in the name of personal preferences and suiting everything/ everyone according to my own mind’s preferential rate.

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to judge the judicial system as hypocrite, without realizing that I have been a hypocrite myself when it comes to proclaiming standing by a principle and still holding preferences as likes, dislikes, judgments and creating either affability as positive experience toward those that ‘suit my personality’ as preferences/ likes  and creating hostility and laconicism toward those that I seem to dislike – which are only values that I have create in my mind according to the knowledge and information that I have created and accepted as ‘who I am,’ wherein I have become my very own jail as the constrain toward the actual life that I am as a physical body that doesn’t hold preference toward anything or anyone.

 

I realize that within me having become my very own judge toward anything and anyone, I have never in fact established actual communication toward others, as I have always just been a mind that judges/ assesses my ‘interaction’ with others based on what is worthy/ what is not, what is positive/ what is negative – what is good/ what is bad – all based in polarity games of winning and losing as the ability to ‘make myself feel better’ about myself through my own judgments and avoiding everything/ everyone that would seem like a threat to my personal vainglory and ego fortification, as the building blocks of the illusion that I have become as my own pedestal that can corrupt a principle to do things ‘my way’ and suit my needs – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have self-righteousness override my ability to see in clarity how it is that I am becoming the very judgmental and discriminatory ruler as my own mind that is able to define ‘who’s worthy/ who’s not’  – who do I like/ who do I dislike based on personal preferences, which is nothing else than knowledge and information that I have subdued my entire expression to become, wherein I have built my own walls toward people that I deemed that I could not ‘communicate effectively with,’ which was only me as my mind not wanting to establish a point of communication with the idea that I had already created about another in my mind, wherein I give up any opportunity to get to know them better just because of deeming that ‘I’ve made up my mind about them’ and in that, becoming the very judge and perpetrator of the ongoing separation in this world that has led us to the current reality we’re all living in, wherein we seclude ourselves in social groupings where personality-enhancement is all that takes place and no actual equal and one interaction occurs, as all that is fed through relationships as friendships/ comradeship is having similar minds that feed each other’s ego in the name of survival as the very spite toward life, due to such ‘positive’ experience only being able to emerge if self-definitions as ‘who I am’ as my personality/energy exists – and energy is Not Life and is actually the abuse of life in the name of personal satisfaction.

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to judge the judges that have ‘the ultimate say’ within any case wherein laws are revised for an apparent ‘proper application,’ without realizing that I have become the very judge that also revises my participation toward each individual not based on the equality as life principle, but based on the preferences that ‘I’ as a mind still holds and creates toward people, justifying it with all means possible to still make it acceptable as to why I care/ prefer/ incline myself toward some beings more than others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that I could actually make up ‘who another is’ in my mind in a very short period of time, which was really only me becoming the instant judge that is able to assess another according to personality as the image, the presentation, the preferences and words that a being presents themselves as, which is the lie that we all either buy or not – and in that, remaining only as a viewer/ observer of another/ others according to ‘who they are’ within/ through the eye of the mind, wherein I continue diminishing another being’s expression to being only as a preprogrammed and limited version of ‘who they are,’ which is in fact only a façade as an energetic version of themselves as an ego that is in no way the being that is in fact ‘inside,’ which exists in equality and oneness as the physical hereness – yet we have separated ourselves from each other to such an extent that we have become used to interacting with each other as pictures, ideas, beliefs, judgments and perceptions of each other wherein Life is Not considered at all, wherein Life is relegated to a ‘taken-for-granted’ background that we believe is ‘separate’ from ourselves as some elusive concept, instead of sticking to the physicality that I am able to touch and see for myself exists here as an equal conglomerate of elements that constitute the cells, the tissue, the bones and all the systems inside that make our living-moment possible as each breath that we have taken for granted, that we have abused in every moment that we seek only our personal benefit as the continuation of ‘who I am’ as a personality that seeks to only ‘get along’ with those that I like/ have an inclination toward, as they ‘who they are’ within my mind represent the continuation of ‘who I am as my own mind’ – whereas all those that stand as the potential fracturing and end of who I am as my mind, I deem to dislike, oppose and evade according to what they in fact represent as a potential breakthrough my own personality/ preferences, to actually stand within an equal and one stance toward all beings, wherein no positive, no negative and no neutral experience is required in order to communicate in physicality with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ruled by beliefs, preferences and face-value judgments, which is no different to our current monetary system wherein we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be ruled and bound to an arbitrary value scheme, wherein Life is not even considered as an aspect of appraisal, but only considering the preferential rate that I apply as the way to ‘make the most of/ earn the most money’ from something/ someone that I diminish from life to being a single product, a single definition as mind-value that we have created and imposed onto Life in the name of personal power and vindication our own preferences and discrimination/ exclusivity of who we are toward others as energy-personalities, and not as the physical reality that is here, constant as the matter that is fueled by each breath that we take.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to corrupt the principle of Life in equality the moment that I create a single positive experience toward another based on my preferences as ‘who I am’ and what I deemed myself to be and have an inclination/ preference toward, as this indicates that I am not yet trust worthy as a living consistency of being able to be an actual impartial being within this reality that won’t be ‘wavered’ by a single point of preference as an inclination or rejection toward another being based on ‘who I was in the past’ as a set of preferences, characteristics that I would deem as ‘more than’ or ‘less than’ others, according to the frames of values that I have created within myself, as my personal jurisdiction toward everything and everyone in my reality, which allowed me to become the very self-righteous manipulator and dictator that is able to bend, mend, break and mold a principle according to personal preferences, which in essence constitutes the corruption of life in the name of personal gratification.

This will continue…

 

I commit myself to stop being the judge in my mind in every moment that I communicate with others in my reality and dare to stand in the equality and oneness of the moment wherein I make sure that my mind stands here as equal as the breath that I am taking in and out, wherein I recognize that the ground that holds me is equally holding another as myself, wherein I make sure that I stop any point of  judgment that comes up from the mind that I have programmed to automatically do so during that interaction/ conversation/ coexistence in any given moment. I take it back to self to use it as a point to reflect myself back to myself and see ‘who I am’ being in that moment toward another, which is Not really about ‘them,’ but about that which I am accepting and allowing myself to limit others as, within a single idea, belief, perception and interpretation of another as only knowledge and information as part of the database that I then take as ‘who they are’ and in that, missing out the entire relationship as the real-actions in relation to the physical that exists here in every moment that we equally breathe-in. 

 

I commit myself to live the realization that the moment that I diminish another to a single judgment, I am in fact not doing that ‘toward another’ but is only me diminishing me to a single idea, belief and perception that limits ‘who I am’ in its totality to a single experience that I project onto others – which is not life, but only knowledge and information that creates separation from who/what we really are in any given moment as physicality.

 

I commit myself to expose who I have become as my own judge in my judiciary system that molds and shapes its preferences as voting in favor/ against of something/ someone according to what I like and dislike as preferences that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself and others to, existing only as knowledge and information, and not as and of life in equality and oneness.

 

I commit myself to reveal to what extent we have externalized our very own secret mind as our judicial system of laws that we are all currently being governed by, and in this explaining how we have externalized constant judgment as an actual ruling system that neglects  life and ponders self-interest as that which is ‘ruled in favor of’ while masking it with the word ‘justice’/ just’ – wherein what is best for all is not actually being considered, but only considering how to perpetuate the same value-system that is currently keeping the world-system of money in place as our very own trap of knowledge and information wherein life is being ‘sucked dry’ and not honored, respected as who we really are as living beings.

Desteni

Desteni Forums

Equal Money System

 

Sin cabeza

 

Blogs exploring ‘who am I’ as justice, judgment and the mind’s judge

 

Supportive Interviews from ‘The Soul of Money’ series:

Blogs:

3 Comments   |  tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | posted in backchat, Behavior, dishonesty, forgivenses, human nature, instant gratification, personality design, polarity, positivity, redefining words, respect, Sculpting in Time, Self Forgiveness, self judgment, self realization, self-honesty, sociology, survivalism, system, thoughts, value, world equality, world system, world war - inner war, worth

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