Category Archives: handicap

383. To Forget to Self-Forgive

First Cousin Once Removed Preview (HBO Documentary Films) (2012) by Alan Berliner

Remember to Forget’ were the words chosen by a poet with Alzheimer as his last statement to the potential million viewers of the documentary ‘First cousin once removed’ by Alan Berliner, which depicts his life in his last months of living with this mental condition, and it is interesting that the words ‘For-Get’ and ‘For-Give’ can be a bit similar, but there’s a world of difference between both, where the act of merely ‘wanting to forget’ can lead us to experience something like Alzheimer, in an attempt to let go of the memories, the identity, the past, the load of experiences with which we created and inflicted the most trauma/harm/abuse within ourselves, and so wanting to forget as a way to ‘cope with the past,’ and that’s how such forced ‘eraser’ move in the mind can lead to this memory-loss problem.

 

I enjoyed this documentary, it’s very well made and I recommend it to see first hand what Alzheimer is like, and the reasons that usually lead to it, along with the genetic disposition that can exist – which as we now understand how the memories of those that have gone before us are integrated within/as ourselves as the mind in the womb, as the information we have ‘pre-loaded’ within us as the ‘sins of the fathers’ – then it makes sense that Alzheimer can ‘run in the family’ as a trait developed to want to forget about one’s deeds, one’s traumatic past, one’s wrong-doings and essentially take the forced road to a ‘way out’ of it all, a way to not face one’s inner demons.

 

The documentary could’ve had a subtitle – in the words of the film’s director – a Poets’ Alzheimer, since the documentary is about the ‘first cousin once removed’ from the director of this film who happened to be a poet, a writer, a translator, a man of ‘great achievements’ only to get to the last days of his life forgetting about it all, and it for sure brings us back to this point of our Journey To Life and the route to Nothingness. Edwin Honig – the protagonist of this documentary – gets to such ‘nothingness’ though not in a self-aware and self-directive manner to it and this is what I’d like to discuss here because it doesn’t make sense to get to this point of ‘Nothingness’ as in remembering – apparently – nothing through simply deciding to block the memory, to forget.

 

The things that Edwin could vividly recall – at times, when it seemed he wasn’t unconsciously deliberately ‘wanting to forget’ – were traumatic moments in his life: being blamed for his brother’s death when he was a child, having been to the army and shooting others, and maybe some family member he was fond of, but that was it. He is shown recordings with traces of the achievements throughout his life explained by himself at an earlier stage in his life, all his books, his poems, his translations of some ‘great writers,’ and so forth, and it was quite amusing to see how he would watch these recordings of himself explaining all his studies, his achievements and saying something in the lines of ‘He’s trying too hard to be someone’ and so yes, this is most of the things we put all our time and effort to, to build up the idea of ‘who we are’ as our mind, our ego – not realizing that life is not memories and how when one has no more memories to ‘hold on to’ then all of these lifetime achievements are reduced to nothing but pretentious additions we identify ourselves as, which can be later on absolutely forgotten and ultimately end up at death. Edwin had kept journals on a daily basis for over 50 years, so he also tried too hard to remember, only to end up forgetting it all. It seems like an ‘overload’ of too many memories, too many things he wanted to keep but eventually forget that he ended up ‘forgetting it all.’

 

I liked the fact that at some point, due to being asked many questions by the documentary maker (his cousin) he would just ask him to be forgotten, to not exist for some days, weeks, months and so in a way it could be him realizing that he was just telling his-story, the tale we all become as a bunch of memories we then believe is ‘all we are’ which is absolutely limited. We have reduced ourselves to become a curriculum, a data base with memories, experiences, feelings, the ideas we believe others have about ourselves, the feelings and constructs we impose onto reality, our entire ego that we accumulate throughout time, and how when we eventually ‘want to forget’ due to the emotional load that it creates within us, maybe that’s when Alzheimer emerges as an absolute ‘shutdown’ of these memories, which I interpret as a decision to Not Forgive, but Only Forget.

 

Dullness

 

Alzheimer seems to be the result of Forgetting to Forgive, but not only ‘Forgive’ in itself, but to Self-Forgive. It’s interesting that Edwin hadn’t been such a good father after all and how his ‘children’ – now grown up males – hold a grudge against him due to what he would do to them, which they interpreted as abusive, as him being an a*hole. And so, Edwin could not remember at all that he had children/sons, and even when the time comes for one of them to visit him, he shows exhaustion, maybe because memories would come back and so the load of remorse, guilt, the entire emotional experience created throughout time could come back, and so he’s left alone. Alzheimer seems to be a way to evade reality, to evade looking at one’s demons and learning how to self-forgive ourselves for it all, a way to escape from facing self-responsibility and as such wanting to ‘put memories down’ not realizing that the level and extent to which we are tied to as our memories and our mind cannot be ‘shut down’ or these ‘side effects’ emerge.

 

This is also another way to see how without walking this process of Self-Forgiveness to learn how to recognize our thoughts, words and deeds that could have caused ourselves inner-conflicts and struggles that we eventually lashed out onto others, affecting them and learn how to self-forgive ourselves for it all, bit by bit, word by word, and we only try and ‘forget it all’ causes an illness, because one is attempting to ‘get rid’ of the memories instead of actually understanding how we created such problems, how we participated in them, why, why did we allow it to become an emotional burden, who did we affect with our deeds too, what do we feel incapable of forgiving ourselves for that we instead choose to simply evade and ‘forget’?

 

And if we were able to remember who we have been from the beginning of our existence, we would have all gone through the same ‘deletion’ process as Alzheimer to go back to ‘ignorance is bliss’ mode, which is in fact what we do whenever we attempt to forget our past, our history and recreate the same abuse and harm because we don’t want to remember and take responsibility for our lives, our world as our creation and change the patterns for once and for all.

 

It’s interesting that one documentary that shows the actual nature of the memories left in a person with Alzheimer can shed more light than any scientific study attempting to understand the origin of it, which once again is also confirming what has been explained at Desteni in relation to Alzheimer Syndrome which I suggest to anyone to investigate and get rid of these ‘enigmas’ that still exist in humanity, while it’s already been 7 years of having the opportunity to learn about the totality of who we are as human beings, as preprogrammed mind consciousness systems that can create a short-circuit process in order to not have to confront one’s own inner demons all the time, creating things like Alzheimer or the usual anxiety, fears, phobias and general stress that we impose onto our physical body every time we are ‘living’-through-the-mind.

 

An aspect I enjoyed is seeing how Edwin only expressed appreciation for the expression of a child – the director’s son – because he was a child, expressing himself with music, in the moment, not questioning him about ‘who he was’ or who he could remember, but just being in the moment, which is also another point to consider about this ‘nothingness’ that we can all exist as, as a self-created result of learning how to self-forgive, to correct, to let go within self-responsibility and full awareness of choosing to be living in the moment – which is different from this form of Alzheimer’s ‘living in the moment’ as an accidental result of wanting to evade one’s memory, which is why in this case someone that doesn’t represent a ‘threat’ to one’s self-definition can become someone we enjoy too.

 

 

This documentary should also support with the realization that who we are and who we define ourselves to be is nothing else but a collection of memories and experiences that we build up as ‘who we are’ and we indeed put so much ‘effort’ onto it, without realizing that it is only the ‘who we are in the mind’ that we are valuing and accumulating as knowledge and information, while we forget about the words that we can live and become as an essence of ourselves – not the titles, not the money, not the recognition, not the studies, not the professions or definitions that others can give onto us – but the words we decide to live in full self-awareness. Just as the point we hear a lot about in Desteni on ‘stopping the mind,’ it doesn’t mean: forget about who you were and be ‘living in the here now moment’ absolutely oblivious of everything, as if one could simply ‘turn the page’ and have a blank one without any consequence. So if anything, this film depicts the consequences of not being able to cope with our mind, our memories, an entire life of wanting to ‘cherish all memories’ and the outcome when you realize the fiction you’ve become as a character and eventually just want to throw the character out of the window and remain as the flesh and bones we are… that’s what creates the consequence as a forced de-egofication process.

I am able to relate to the idea of wanting to cherish every moment as the ‘old me’ that was on my way to do that all the time, and having that mentality of wanting to be a writer someday that could use those memories to create more fictional characters through which I could live through as well, and I’m glad I stopped myself, which to myself as my ego it was the same as some form of egocide, because stopping ‘cherishing memories’ – even with the compulsion I had to be taking pictures all the time – I was on my way to fill memory cards and entire notebooks of my own personalities with no direction – which is also the type of writing I was doing before this process, using art as just another way to convolute the perception of who we are as human beings: point-less, self-referenced, self-interested beings seeking this something to ‘fill in the void’ with and ending up in some kind of nonsense with a life wasted in this perpetual ‘search’ which I now see that we all as human beings have, nothing else but the gloom created as the result of separating ourselves from who we really are as life, as the substance that unites us all as one and equal.

 

Today we discussed about this existential anguish in relation to ‘losing all hope to humanity’ not realizing that I was maybe on my way to creating yet another ‘disorder’ to simply evade facing reality – which we all do one way or another by creating any form of emotion or feeling to make the whole thing turn into a ‘me-myself-I’ experience rather than taking responsibility for the problems we create in our lives and this world and turn it only into a ‘concern’ – and how if I hadn’t discovered Desteni and the ability to Self-Forgive, I would have probably continued down the spiraling road of using art as a way to express this absolute ‘lostness’ that I experienced for great part of my life up to 6 years ago when everything started making sense.

 

All I can say is that it is quite a relief to no longer be drilling my mind with the usual existential-queries and ‘enigmas’ that used to also occupy my-time here, thinking about time, and death, and memories, and identity, and fictional characters, and this life as a dream and so forth… all of which has existed as part of our philosophy with no concrete realization to simply see the direct reality of it all: we have used our mind to divert our attention from reality, from the actual consequences and physical existence that we tend to cloud or ‘paint with other colors’ through thinking about reality, through ‘feeling’ or ‘becoming emotional’ about it and pondering these energetic flicks as ‘more’ than what life really is.

 

After the film ended, Alan Berliner had a Q&A session with the audience, and he ended up saying that ‘Memories are the glue to life’ and I couldn’t disagree more as this mentality is what has kept us since the beginning of our existence as human beings tied to a past that we then ‘choose to forget’ proving that we haven’t moved an iota from the very initial problems we were programmed with, just because we have accepted our mind to be ‘who we really are,’ forgetting or not even being aware of what Life really is, which is not and will never be knowledge and information, and memories. Just like in all our devices – memories are nothing but part of the system that enables us to function as clusters of space and time in a disk drive that sometimes gets full and overloaded and requires some ‘rebooting’ because there’s just ‘too much to info to handle,’ and that’s also what Alzheimer seems like.

 

Memories cannot be the ‘glue of life’ as they are only invisible bits of information we believe is who we are. Life doesn’t require a glue, life is not divided, life is all that is already here that we have separated ourselves from in every moment that we define ourselves as a picture, as an emotion, a thought, a feeling, a memory, all of it part of the masks that we craft and can end up driving us crazy if we continue to overlook the reality and simplicity of who we are here as breathing flesh and bones physical beings that have to now use our memory practically and constructively, to go self-forgiving each thought, word and deed that we’ve acted upon and created in order to ‘forget about who we are’ and as such, not take responsibility for who we are and have become. Look at this world, read the news, talk with people on the streets, look within yourself in your mind and see how this world is our reflection.

 

Learning how to Self-Forgive is the greatest gift one can give to oneself if one does not want to end up driving oneself absolutely insane, or mentally kaput for not having the courage to stand in the face of ourselves, of our past no matter how ‘bad it may seem or how ‘overwhelming’ the consequences of it already are, there is no other way but to stand up for it and face it. Self-Honesty takes Courage and that’s something one has to develop in order to not end up mentally ill due to wanting to forget. My suggestion is to then do this: learn how to Self-Forgive, Remember to Self-Forgive instead of compounding the inner turmoil and the cowardice to recognize who we are and have become, not only as individuals, but as humanity – and so, whenever we see ourselves feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, overwhelmed by our past, our memories, our mind, it is that moment where instead of remaining in the victimization of the experience: we stand up, take a deep breath and decide to self-forgive the experience, the memory, the thought, the deeds and correct ourselves in the moment in the realization that no one did this to us but ourselves, and no one will ‘forgive us’ as there is no God, but ourselves, our own creators.

 

The one last mercy we can give to ourselves is Self Forgiveness, let’s use it and become physical living breathing beings that can stop pondering too much about what life, death, a thought or memories are and rather learn how to live in every moment of breath directing our lives to be and become an example of what we all know we can be when correcting all the mess of the past to stand as self-directive and self-honest individuals, always considering what is best for self and all as equals: no memory required but only as a remembrance of a past to never repeat again.

 

To learn more about Desteni’s perspective on Alzheimer and Memories:

 

To stop being defined only as a memory chip of emotions and feelings:


232. Being Late Makes you Anxious?

 

Anxiety can be made into a ‘mental disorder’ that you then can be prescribed to take some drugs to ‘alleviate’ it according to what psychiatrists can asses in their attempt to only feed drugs to get some money – which is what I am here to suggest you stop opting for and consider that there is a way in which one can support oneself to actively physically participate in tracing back the points wherein one has generated the most anxiety and as such, walk through a process to take Self Responsibility for the anxiety experience.

Here I share my own within a simple event: fearing being late

 

Continuing from:

 

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements on the Event that would  instigate quite a lot of anxiety to go out from my house with other people.

(from the previous entry) Event: going out with my parents and sisters and getting ready to leave. My father is waiting for us at the entrance hall looking up the stairs to wait for everyone to come. Women getting ready to leave /fixing hair, clothes, makeup or anything else normal to do when going out, there’s noises of hair dryers, heels, lots of shuffling around and talking. I am near my father and ready to leave  – because I had discussed and realized through an entire mind construct how I was more ‘in tune’ with my father in order to oppose my mother and in a way also being more ‘responsible’ apparently for being ready when the time was here.

Fear Dimension:  Father getting angry for everyone not being on time

-Being like ‘any other woman’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my fear of people getting angry for not being on time in arranged meetings/schedules and within this, generate anxiety to get to a certain place on time while rushing in the physical trying to ‘make it on time’ which is mostly wanting to remain within the personality of ‘being punctual/ on time’ as a positive aspect/ characteristic within me  – wherein if I don’t get to satisfy this characteristic, I go into a negative experience as anxiety and rushing.

 

When and as I see myself rushing to get to a certain place/ meeting ‘on time’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can instead measure in advance the amount of time I will require to be there on time without having to rush and also, if there are any events/ circumstances that are out of my reach to change that cause me to get late somewhere, I realize that I live in a world wherein one is subject to many situations coming up, and as such, I assist and support myself to Breathe through it and continue directing myself to get to the place I had agreed to be at.

Within this, it is to stop any form of fear of losing my ‘reputation’ as being always on time/ punctual and all the self-worth aligned with that as a positive trait. Instead I simply see that arranging a time to meet people/ get somewhere is a practical considerations in our physical reality and getting there – bit earlier or later – is eventually all that matters.

 

‘being like any other woman’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to always be ‘on time’ when going out to avoid being seen like ‘any other woman/ just another woman’ wherein women tend to take more time to get out of the house, which is only a belief based on what I lived within my life experience, without realizing that within this self definition of Not wanting to be like women, I copied what the only male at home would do which is rushing to get out as soon as possible and be always ‘on time’ wherein I then sought to be special/ unique in terms of being a woman and acting like a male – or the male example I had as a reference-  for the purpose of gaining a point of specialness at the eyes of another person.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to do something or not do something based on what a  woman would usually do or not do, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is only fueling my self definition to be praised by the opposite sex as unique/ special/ unlike any other woman. Thus, I direct myself to simply take the necessary time I require to go out of the house, measure my times in order to get somewhere ‘on time’ as a simple agreement and stop comparing who I am in relation to what others do or don’t do. I ensure I do everything I require to do before leaving the house such as checking water taps, gas keys closed, windows, getting money and the necessary stuff, which I do while breathing and not rushing as I see and realize that there is no need to rush when getting out of the house, I direct myself breath by breath, being aware of the physical.

 

I realize that every time that I have forgotten something at home, has been a result of me not measuring my times and then ending up rushing and missing out to do certain things, taking certain objects/ papers or whatever I require. Thus I stop any form of anxiety formed in relation to ‘going out’ as the constant corrective application of that rush that I had imprinted as a child when ‘going out of the house.’

I commit myself to be here as breath and continue breathing, being aware of my every move done in physical pace when getting ready to go out of the house.

 

Thought Dimension:  father standing on the entrance hall frowning and being quiet but angry inside

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush when getting out of the house due to the fear imprint I created as a child of someone getting angry for not being on time, in this memory my father being angry which would mean he would remain angry all the way till our destination, which I disliked

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition myself to be ‘on time’ out of fear of being scolded for Not being on time or causing another’s anger, which was something that I would blow out of proportion as in being extremely tense whenever that would happen, because of having to be traveling with the angry people, which wasn’t necessarily pleasant.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be complacent when it comes to being on time, based on my fear of actually ‘causing another’s distress and anger’ without realizing that I am in no way able to cause something to another unless they allow and accept themselves to participate within their own emotions. Thus,

When and as I see myself fearing causing anger/ stress in another for not being on time, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have to take responsibility for myself, for being there on the agreed time and that whatever others experience, is their own process to take responsibility for what They are accepting and allowing within themselves.

Obviously in common sense, the best for all point is to be on time so that we are able to direct ourselves in the moment as agreed, which is something that is cool to consider as it facilitates going out with more than one or two people somewhere else.

 

 

Imagination Dimension:
– Positive imagination as a
desire: everyone being always On time as scheduled and going all happy in the car

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rush within the desire for everyone to do the same and be absolutely on time which would then cause me a positive experience of ‘happiness’ as well as believing that my father would then be also ‘happy’ which I have linked to my Own happiness and within this making this ‘ideal’ scenario in my mind to obtain through and while I rush in the physical, which means that I am in fact only doing so in order to obtain a positive experience within me, and missing out the physical reality while doing so.

When and as I see myself expecting a ‘perfect scenario’ within a particular event wherein others would also be absolutely ‘on time’ and as such ‘being happy’ to move faster, I stop and I breathe – I realize that in this there’s a desire to control situations and physical reality in order to satisfy My idea of perfection- thus I assist and support myself to see and realize how it is that I have programmed myself to make of ‘perfection’ a positive experience according to my own standards, instead of actually grounding myself to Earth wherein there are many others involved in such situations wherein a particular outcome is dependent on each one’s participation.

I realize that I can simply share how things can be smoother/ easier to conduct when we all prepare ourselves to be on time – but, if this can’t be done for any other reason, then I simply breathe through having to wait for others to be ready.

 

Negative imagination as a fear: Having our ‘going out’ trip absolutely ruined, everyone in a bad mood, not talking and having a ‘hysteric’ father at the wheel.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to imagine my father being angry while going out somewhere / someone getting angry with everyone for not being on time within a particular agreed ‘going out’ situation, and use this fear as a fuel to be ‘on time’ which leads to rushing out of fear – thus

 

When and as I see myself rushing to get out of the house/ going out somewhere in order to avoid having to deal with angry people during the trip/going out event, I stop and I breathe – I realize this is only my own self-conditioning based on childhood situations. Thus I breathe to direct myself while getting ready to go out and stick to physical reality while waiting for others and while going out without expecting something good or bad to happen – just breathing here.

 

Backchat:

– Why can’t they just Be On Time as Scheduled?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘Why can’t they just be on time as scheduled?’ wherein I deviate my attention to Others and trying to blame them for someone being angry for not being on time, instead of focusing on myself, my responsibility and ability to be there on time and simply focus on breathing when and if having to wait for others.

When and as I see myself focusing on what others do/ don’t do – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this comparison mechanism is only to feel either ‘good or bad’ about my actions in comparison to others – thus I direct myself to ensure I take responsibility for my actions, my doings and that’s it.

 

– They had to be women!

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that women will ‘always’ take longer to leave the house while in fact, the gender is just another cliché point in society, as well as realizing that I am trying to separate myself from ‘being a woman’ as a stereotype, which is the point that I avoided throughout my life for all the various reasons I would see women as ineffective or slow or inaccurate – this all based on the male-example I had at home being the opposite of what I created women to be like.

 

When and as I see myself judging ‘women’ and separating myself from being one due to some trait or action that I have judged as ‘inefficient’/ inaccurate/ slow moving, I stop and I breathe – I focus on myself, my breathing and simply allowing myself to wait without any form of backchat or exasperation about ‘having to wait for others,’ as we live in a physical reality wherein the most we can do is agree to leave at a certain time and give some minutes of tolerance and that’s it.

 

– I am ready, they are Not

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I am ready, they are Not,’ which is a self-righteous, superiority type of backchat wherein I want to stand as ‘perfect’ and ‘responsible’ in relation to being on time to go somewhere and getting a positive experience out of thinking what others will say about me being ‘always on time’ only fueling my self definition of being ‘always on time’ as a positive experience that I learned/ acquired from my father.

 

When and as I see myself creating a positive experience when being ‘on time’ as a prop for my timely-ego, I stop and I breathe – I simply direct myself to be on time – earlier or a bit later doesn’t matter – and simply physically be there as scheduled. I realize there’s no need t compare myself to who gets there first as life is not a race, but a point of being there/ participating which is what matters.

 

– It’s their fault that my father will now be pissed off, they are the ones to blame

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘it’s their fault that my father will not be pissed off, they are the ones to blame’ wherein I simply acted out many times the ‘responsible character’ to not make my father/ anyone else angry – such as teachers at school – and within this, flair up my own ‘responsible character’ which stemmed actually out of fear of being the cause of someone’s anger –

 

When and as I see myself doing something out of avoiding to be blamed for possible outcomes that are perceived as ‘negative,’ I stop and I breathe, I realize then that such actions are not self-movement but based upon fear – thus I focus on being here as breath while moving to get to a certain point/ meeting/ agreed timed to leave somewhere, and that anyone creating an experience out of people not being on time is only their own point to walk in self-responsibility, and that there is no one to ‘blame’ in such cases for leaving later – and that instead, certain measures can be taken accordingly.

 

– I am not like them

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I am not like them’ which became  a way of being and supporting my ‘specialness’ through opposition toward others at home – in this case the women at home – in order to be in the likes and appreciation of my father because of being ‘like him’ which I considered something that I had to be proud of due to all the positive imprints I have given to my father, without realizing that in this, I created an entire opposition character toward females, my sisters and mother while holding a sense of superiority for ‘not being like them’ apparently, which is only a personality that I cultivated in order to be special/ unique/ superior at the eyes of my father.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately create a personality that would be in ‘opposition’ or ‘everything that the other women are not’ in order to be a ‘one of a kind girl’ at the eyes of other people, specially my father and later on in life males toward which I tried to simply not be a ‘cliché’ of what a woman would be like – in this case, taking too long to leave the house wherein even if I would do the same that other women did in terms of ‘getting ready’ to leave, I would rush everything in order to satisfy my own self-religion of ‘not being like other girls/ women.’

When and as I see myself wanting to be ‘on time’ or being responsible as a positive trait within me that defines ‘who I am’ as my ‘unique/ superior/ special character’ – I stop and I breathe. I realize that any action that I am doing from the starting point of comparing ‘how I do things’ in relation to others – specifically women – I am doing so from the starting point of ego and not really being here as breath directing myself as self-movement.

 

Thus I commit myself to no matter who I am with or alone, I direct myself as every breath to get things done, wherein I realize that living is not a competition toward women or any other being to remain in a superior position, as that is the inequality that I am participating in my mind. I assist and support myself to simply be self responsible as a common sensical consideration that is lived breath by breath and not fueled by any form of energetic experience.

 

Reactions:

– Negative: Mimicking the impatience, exasperation, building up anger as time goes by, becoming nervous and anxious about the possible outcomes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with extensive nervousness and anxiety when having to get to meeting/ being on time in an agreed meeting wherein I fear not being there on time and as such rushing even more within anxiety, without realizing that this is all just a mind construct of ‘being on time = stress out’ which is not necessary really, if one takes the necessary time to just be on time while moving physically.

 

When and as I see myself even experiencing the slightest anxiety to rush to get somewhere, even if there is no ‘agreed time’ – which has also happened, I stop and I breathe. I direct myself to my destination/ meeting time being physically aware of my body, myself until I get to the destination/ meeting point.

– Positive: pride and responsibility, readiness as in being the only one that’s ready.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a sense of pride as a positive experience out of being ‘responsible’ due to being ‘on time’ and ‘ready’ which is just a point that I created according to being complacent to other’s exigencies wherein ‘being on time’ is seen as a positive experience, and within this sacrificing my own physical body due to such ‘responsibility’ being fueled by extensive nervousness, anxiety, rushing sometimes even being less careful with my physical movements just to ‘get there on time,’ which is compromising myself just to satisfy a mind-desire of ‘being responsible’ and ‘ready’ at all times.

When and as I see myself creating a positive experience when getting on time somewhere as a ‘fulfillment’/ satisfaction, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is stemming from actually living out the release of the compounded negative experience that fueled my desire to be ‘on time’ as rushing, getting anxious and nervous as fear, which then turns into this apparent ‘positive experience’ when satisfying my ‘goal’ to be on time, which is just the opposite pole of the energy, which means it is also self abusive and not at all a self-directive hereness movement.

I commit myself to be on time within meetings/ situations/ events, and remain here as breath while doing so, waiting for whomever we have to wait for and maybe use the time to speak to someone while doing so in order to focus on my environment and the moment by moment I am here.

 

Physical dimension:

Tensing up my upper chest, experiencing nervousness and anxiety in my solar plexus, stifle myself and move as less as possible  while waiting.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a lot of tension in physical body as the result of the amount of anxiety that I would go into when having to ‘be on time’ to go somewhere which is a point I cultivated every single day that I worried to ‘be on time’ to go to school and virtually anywhere else wherein I had to be ‘on time’ – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be/ become tense, stiffen my entire body wherein I would only be in my mind rushing/ thinking of the future moment of being ‘there’ and throughout this, not even looking at how uncomfortable I was within my physical body due to the extent of nervousness and anxiety I would accept and allow within myself as a result of the thoughts of ‘rushing’ and fearing ‘not being on time’ and be seen as ‘irresponsible.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘breathing was not enough’ when being too anxious because I believed that I simply had to Breathe, but, never understood that the anxiety was a result of my thinking and so, even if I would breathe, it would still ‘be there’ – the stress and discomfort – because I would keep on participating in my thoughts/experience  – therefore

 

When and as I see myself generating anxiety and experiencing discomfort while getting ready to go somewhere/ leaving the house, I stop and I breathe – and the stopping means and implies that I stop participating in the thoughts about rushing and breathe until the energy that has arisen dissipates as I breathe.

 

I commit myself to realize that for all energetic experiences of rushing to stop I have to Stop participating in any form of thought, backchat internal conversation and focus on breathing till such inkling of experience as anxiety dissipates and I remain here breathing, physically, stable.

 

Consequence:

– Me tensing up every time I have to go out, rushing as well to get myself ‘on time’ while fearing that others might be ‘impatiently waiting for me’ or that I will miss something with it, ending up angry at myself for not being ‘perfectly on time’ and as such screwing up my self religion.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project the thought of people being ‘impatiently waiting for me’ without realizing that it was actually ME being impatient with myself and toward others for not being on time due to this idea of ‘being on time’ as something positive and linked to responsibility, which I would use then judge myself or others for not being on time and or use it as a way to place myself in a ‘superior’ position for being ‘on time.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that being ‘on time’ is a positive trait that generates a positive experience and value ‘who I am’ according to my ability or inability of fulfilling this character, which is only existent in my own mind according to what I gave a positive value to which is being ‘on time’ as positive fulfilling experience.

 

When and as I see myself believing that others will get pissed off if I don’t get somewhere on time or I will be judged as irresponsible, I stop and I breathe – I realize this is only functioning in my own mind according to my own mind construct of responsibility linked to ‘being on time’ as positive experience – thus I direct myself to be here breathing and take the time necessary to be ready, while breathing and getting there to the agreed time while breathing – and so forth throughout the entire day – moment by moment.

 

 

– Building up my self religion of ‘not being like all of the other girls/ women’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an entire character of ‘not being like other women’ as a sense of specialness due to being ‘on time’ or regularly ‘ready’ on time as opposed to women at home that would take a long time getting ready due to all the things that a ‘woman does’ such as hair, makeup, clothes and making it all look perfect which I judged as something superfluous, without realizing that I only created an experience toward it because of actually having wanted to do the same/ be the same, but because of my own predicament of ‘not being like them’ I had to do everything I could to act/ do/ dress/ be the opposite of everything they are, which became the ‘who I am’ as the ‘opposition character’ within my family and later on the world system, trying to get out of the stereotypes, without realizing I simply fueled more the point of trying to be special/ unique/ one of a kind ‘woman’ by opposing other women which only created this sense of ‘specialness’ within me as a self-religion that I fulfilled no matter what, even if I had to compromise myself and my physical stability and for example rushing just to be ‘unlike all other women’ that would make their partners wait for a long time.

 

I forgive myself that I have actually accepted and allowed myself to judge the males for accepting and allowing the females to take a long time and actually be patiently waiting, wherein I would think that they were being over-complacent and not having enough ‘character’ to ask them to be on time, lol, which was only my own mindfuck being projected onto others and their relationships and agreements. Thus

 

When and as I see myself doing things in a way that I believe a woman would not usually be like/ act like/ do in order to be ‘unlike any other women’ and fulfill my ‘I am not like all of the other girls’ character – I stop and I breathe. I focus on doing thing in common sense without having to define myself about it. I focus on the physical reality that I can participate in and direct myself focusing on what I have to do, or simply breathe here without having this constant experience of having to do something or rushing or being anxious about the future.

 

I commit myself to breathe here as the constancy and consistency of my physical body wherein I take time simply as a measure to get things done within a certain time frame as a common sensical agreement with others, yet there is no positive or negative experience out of driving myself physically to be there on time or do things on the required time.

 

I commit myself to actually stick to being ‘on time’ with any other aspects in my reality wherein I see that I have limited this due-time responsibility to meeting other people, but there’s also dead-lines as a point of responsibility to direct which are also part of a common sensical agreement between two or more people to get things done and as such, continue advancing in a certain process and as such, equalizing this ‘being on time’ character to a practical consideration of all tasks and points to fulfill in my physical reality.

 

Within this one can see that if I would go to a doctor and tell them that I experience ‘stress, anxiety, nervousness and fears when having to go out of my house’, I would have probably been diagnosed with some anxiety disorders or even social phobia in order to meet a certain prescription drug that I would be given in order to ‘solve my problem,’ which would be essentially taking drugs to not experience all of the afore mentioned and walked emotions. This is a proof of how we are the ones that created such experiences in the first place and we are the only ones that can assist and support ourselves to take responsibility for what we experience and create practical breathing-living solutions to stop existing as this repetitive life consuming pattern, such as anxiety which is a very common emotion in our day to day living.

Thus I invite you to investigate where you have created the belief that ‘there is something wrong within you’ for experiencing a certain emotion throughout your life, find out where it all begun and assist and support yourself with writing, applying self forgiveness, self corrective application in order to take responsibility and stop all the uncomfortable energetic mind experiences that we believed were a ‘mental disorder,’ without realizing that it was only our participation in the mind that created them all in the first place.

 

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223. Selling and Buying Culture: Character Role Playing in Society

Continuing with the Elitist Character – Pseudo Rebellious Branch with a sense of Outrageousness as a form of opposing ‘the authority.’

 

 

 

Everything that I described in my last post was me pouring out part of the knowledge that I literally hoarded in order to become a ‘music expert’ for various reasons like: wanting to be a music journalist some day and being able to talk with people that would be equally obsessed with music and form relationships that way, which did happen.  These were more of the ‘long term’ goals, but as I was watching this all I was simply ‘fascinated’ by it – and yes, it is not different to seeing cartoons, TV series or movies or any other form of entertainment that is usually available in houses wherein you can afford to pay for cable TV and expand your TV-droning context of reality. Was I in any way veering my life toward something that was actually beneficial? No, just would go for the mere fix of the experience that I would get from what I saw was ‘innocent entertainment’ because of it being music, I wasn’t realizing how an entire personality was being shaped from all that which I would see and I can assure that I would have only evolved it even further if I had continued from where I was some 5 years ago – I am glad I stopped.

However, how many people are currently as young as 5 years old and dancing to songs by females talking about getting hot sex with their man? Hmm isn’t that a problem? What about all the soft porn that’s now being delivered in music videos? I’ve talked about that before and all I can see is that it is escalating every time, ‘pushing the envelope’ even further, every year doing more and more ‘outrageous’ acts and people defining that as ‘edgy’ and totally cool – well, if we look at the bigger picture, all we’re seeing is how as human beings we’ve defined ‘who we are’ according to what we like, and you’ll see how ‘what you like’ is everything you would get to know of from media/ parents/environment which means that yes, of course, there is no actual free will or free choice or ‘originality’ at all within that – and even becoming a character that opposes all of our current ‘pop culture’ becomes the necessary other side of the coin for the coin to exist. Same deal

Are we blind to see this? I mean for a long time I held all of my preferences as ‘who I am’ and wore them so proudly, because I had ‘invested’ on myself as a character in knowledge, money, time, relationships – I was just directing myself to ‘make it,’ and I guess that the most interesting aspect of that entire breakdown when realizing my personality was not special, unique and that all I was doing was trying to survive and aim ‘at the highest peak’ wherein I was only focusing on me-me-me and perpetuating this ‘good feeling’ as what I then came to imprint to virtually Anything that I would see, due to how visually stimulated I was with all those images I stored in my head of music videos.

Could I say that my ‘career’ was then my apparent free choice and free will? At the eyes of the system yes, but I realize it wasn’t at all. I conditioned myself to do that, I conditioned myself to ‘like’ what I like – stemming from fear and onto fascinations that would simply indicate one thing: the mind was being the ‘driving force’ of it all – not me as who I really am.

Any form of ‘social awareness’ would always remain there as this ‘nagging background’ that I would simply try and suppress every time, pretending I could train myself to ‘have a good time’ as one is taught within  your life: you have to have good times, have fun, spend your money well, etc. But, as I grew older I just turned sadder. My refugee became music which became also sadder and in no way supportive. I turned to books only to feed the fascinations I had gotten from the TV. Where was I as the living being all that time? Nowhere to be found.

This is how important it is to address the problem with allowing our current culture wherein everything that we are as physical beings is reduced to personalities/ characters that are able to interact with each other based on the equal premise of cultivating Ego as ‘who we are.’ At some point I realized it was weird  how when we meet someone, we profile them according to stereotypes that we would acquire from the media and then, we would decide Who we are toward them in a blatant acceptance or rejection, never seeing the being as an equal human being, but immediately reducing ourselves and others to Characters. I for sure cultivated this desire to be a specific character only to attract people with similar personalities and feel ‘at ease’ within my set of preferences = people that could support my design. Yep, image/ego/ idea of self – is that real? No, proof is that I am here as a human being that has been persistently walking a process of aligning all aspect I was once infatuated with in terms of this ‘artistic personality,’ and I’m still alive, living in simplicity and not any longer evolving that same character that sought some form of outrageous stardom in anyway I could.

 

This entire aspect of ‘pop culture’ has been an object of study due to seeing how any form of human integrity was more and more dissolved in order to justify an apparent ‘open mindedness’ that leads to further self-infatuation in energetic experiences of loving and hating, desiring and fearing which are basic primary and rather obvious mechanisms in which we’ve learned we could separate each other and proclaim a sense of ‘freedom’ within it all. Again, necessary to watch The Century of Self to understand where this all comes from.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never consider that I was only able to be and become ‘who I am’ as a personality due to having enough money to live well, have an education and entertainment wherein I could spend my days cultivating my mind as my preferences, likes and dislikes without ever questioning how it is that I am able to do this, but anyone else having no money, no TV and no time for ‘entertainment’ could not in any way even dedicate themselves to ponder about ‘personalities’ and cultivating ‘characters’ that certainly Do require money to exist and form part what is acceptable or not acceptable in our society, which proves that anything that I have cultivated as ‘who I am’ is only the result of money – period.

Having this premise in place, I can now within this blatant acceptance and allowance of self interest to run as ‘who  I am’ due to the security and ability I had to do so because of growing up in a family with enough money to live well, I can proceed to self forgive the characters I’ve become and supported within this vantage point of a limited version of reality as entertainment/ media and personality-cults that I came to be ‘fascinated’ by only as a mind experience that I sought to equate myself to – hence

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire equating myself to characters that would trigger the most ‘excitement’ and ‘enjoyment’ within me as an energetic experience based on images, words, pictures, sounds that I came to shape as ‘what I like,’ not realizing that these ‘likes’ and preferences were only the result of me identifying all of this to a ‘good time’ and entertainment, which became a rather influential aspect of ‘who I am’ without ever wanting to actually admit how everything that I believed myself to be special or unique for, was only the result of my own deliberate participation in patterns and behaviors that would stand out of the ‘usual’ and as such, create a sense of separation from what I defined as ‘the herd’ as the rest of the people that I would secretly continually judge/ oppose/ criticize and essentially ‘inferiorize’ within this sense of ‘freedom and expression’ that I learned to cultivate based on characters on a screen.

 

I Forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to simply absorb all the pictures,  sounds, people’s personalities and everything that I would consider as ‘music on TV’ while growing up wherein I believed that I was being special and unique for liking all of that stuff, evolving my desire to be an ‘antagonist’ within my environment within this same desire to be special and in that, learning how to Cultivate my ego, imprinting behaviors, words, mannerisms, ways of looking, talking and relating to others based on what I would witness from people on MTV – specifically – never realizing or even questioning why it is that these personalities were being deliberately placed on TV, but instead only absorbing them all and forming the ‘who I am’ as the preferences toward particular kind of music, looks, people, appearances, ways of behaving, acting, relating to the world etc., wherein

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever idolize people that I would watch on MTV with such obsessive behavior that I would only feed myself with their words and images as a way to ‘become’ them and be already preparing the ‘who I wanted to be when I grow up’ as early as 10 years old, which indicates that the role models I had were based on these ‘media characters’ that were designed and allowed specifically to guide or direct the population to focus Only on these ‘future life aspirations’ of being/ becoming characters like our ‘idols’ as musicians/ artists and as such, be always entertained with that and diverting our attention by our own decision and ‘will’ to only focus on entertainment/ personalities that would instigate a desire and a ‘feel good’ experience for all they represented as being ‘free’ and ‘expressive,’ which in my case became an aspect I longed to be and become and eventually did based on copying mechanisms from these roles in media.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately lead myself to like that which was the most shocking or feared by ‘others,’ in order to create a point of antagonism, rebellion or simply ‘pushing the envelope further’ within my reality, wherein there was a sense of specialness and uniqueness for being a ‘young child’ and already knowing about that which only teenagers should be talking about, which then became an entire personality imprint of wanting to hang out with older people and diminishing people my age to being ‘too immature’ for my age, but all that happened is that I deliberately sought to be ‘out of the herd’ by liking what I deemed to be ‘unusual’ at the time – all of this becoming nothing else but a constant and continuous forming, shaping and molding of my own personality at a young age.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had a ‘natural likeness’ toward the things that I believed I liked, not realizing how I created such likeness according to the frequency I would expose myself to a plethora of images and sounds that became part of ‘what I like’ based on basic self-conditioning to only expose myself to this particular media on a daily basis.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the belief that I had to build/ construct the most ‘awesome’ personality that I could in order to be that which I wanted to be/ become based on characters I would see on TV, mostly musicians that I had defined as ‘free, expressive’ people, and some of them even intelligent, which is an aspect that lead me to ‘be fond of’ particular characters in pop culture based on words, but in terms of them in any way being an actual example of how to live as a human being regarding life in equality: there was Nothing of that at all, which indicates that intelligence or any form of common sense was also veered only toward a self-appraisal and in no way being an actual role model to follows as an example of what it was to live –  Even more so when understanding how this apparent ‘depth’ in their words was mostly drug induced – which is the pointer that will be discussed in posts to come.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never question why this ‘open minded people’ – according to me – were being broadly supported and broadcasted on TV if they were too shocking or too ‘insane’ to be portrayed on TV, not realizing that it was all part of the same mechanism within his world wherein no matter What you sell, but as long as it Sells = then it gets to the mainstream. I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the reason why people were famous was because of real hard work, which can be a result of perseverance, but also in one way or another satisfying the industry’s basic need to generate money – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never see that there was no ‘filtering’ within what’s being sold and broadly promoted in our reality, and that we are in fact the result of being sold virtually Anything for the sake of experiencing a sense of freedom, enjoyment or personality cultivation, when in fact it all being sold just as characters that we  could idolize/ create relationships with others based on such ‘preferences’ which is nothing else but another way of conditioning the masses to become particular characters that in one way or another became less interested in actual matters in the world and would be more and more infatuated with personal cultivation of the senses – hedonism – as well as dreaming of that which is mostly unattainable for the majority of the population, which is dreams of fame and fortune – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had a sense of power, freedom of choice and free will when deciding to be/ become ‘fond of music’ and specific visual arts, not realizing how this was just an inevitable outflow due to my constant participation in pictures as ‘what I like’ and this likeness being linked to a positive energetic experience in my mind, never ever being or becoming aware of myself, the world, the actual problems that we are facing as humanity and that define our entire ability to exist.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be brainwashed with this believed ‘righteousness’ to have a particular set of preferences that I cultivated throughout my life within things like music or art, wherein the possibilities of what I could were reduced to only ‘artistic’ careers and neglecting any other skill or capability I could have developed based on me deciding to study art based on preference, not skills and not an actual informed decision, but ‘following my dreams.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within this entire personality cultivation that I lived in and by throughout my life, I learned to only ‘get along’ with people that would support Me and my ‘fascinations,’ or that would in any way resemble them, which is how I created desires/ wants and needs based on that which was mostly seen as inappropriate or not broadly acceptable in society, becoming the necessary ‘antagonist’ character in my reality in order to fuel further friction and conflict within my world/ reality – which was home, my peers – and taking pride on that just as another character that becomes proud of the extent and amount of knowledge and information that has been carefully tailored as one’s personality, which I became aware of was my ‘driving force’ to continue existing: just evolving my character and personality in order to get the most satisfaction every time.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to idolize other human beings based on the characters they represented wherein I would be mesmerized by their words, looks, behavior and accordingly, ‘do my best’ to try and become something similar to that in order to get to equate myself to that single character that I believed was ‘superior’ than myself. Within this never realizing or questioning how this entire culture is based on this personality cultivation as the real cult-formation that we are taught we must follow through within our lives, wherein me choosing a rather ‘antagonistic character’ was nothing special or unique, but only a single way to perpetuate my self-created ideals of specialness and uniqueness.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to brainwash myself to consider that the common sensical aspect of myself that would regard all beings as equal was too ‘naïve’ according to the character I was busy building as myself. Which is part of how in this world system, any being that portrays actual virtues that support Life is reduced to being  ‘uncool’ or ‘unfit’ within society, ending up bullied, destroyed, ostracized or simply relegated to ‘less than zero’ because of not participating in the personality contest that we’ve become as our society – thus in this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could in one way or another be a ‘successful character’ in society while still holding some form of virtue, not realizing that the people that get to such positions of power have obviously been promoted for the sense of liberation through becoming an overtly ‘emotional’ people that represent these ideals that worked as a carrot on a stick for the rest of humanity, wherein we would aspire to somehow ‘equate’ them in one way or another, not realizing that in dong so, we would simply continue consuming what’s being sold as this flag of freedom and expression, never really even questioning why there was this strong desire to ‘free from oppression’ in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that accepted and allowed myself to not see that in this desire to ‘get free’ and ‘be expressive,’ I only consumed characters that became a process of personality-cultivation wherein the focus then was only on me, my wants, needs, desires, experiences and essentially falling into the most basic form of mind control that is broadly promoted: care only about yourself and ‘fuck the rest of the world,’ never realizing that such blatant act of righteousness was only a spiteful mode that perpetuates the characters we’ve become as ‘rebellious acts’ within society without any form of understanding of how this reality thrives on wars and antagonism and even more so, how it is only through each one of us reducing the totality of who we are to mere characters that we can ‘fight’ against each other, and that this is thus the aspect to debunk at all times: how we have diminished ourselves to a set of preferences likes, fascinations as well as dislikes, oppositions, rebellion acts toward ourselves and who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become as the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to imprint this strong desire to ‘be free’ through opposition, through shocking others, through ‘breaking the norm’ in whichever way this could be one – and in doing so, being more open to ‘escapism’ as a way to ‘be free an expressive’ which meant either becoming ‘insane’ or a drug addict – both representing the ‘anomalies’ that I sought to become in order to ‘spite the system’ as the basic personalities that I grew up listening to and acquiring basic beliefs upon life from.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take people’s words as ‘truth’ whenever they supported this belief of ‘rising up’ and opposing the system, fooling the system, breaking the laws, rage against the machine and essentially learning how to ‘hate’ through becoming a personality that would seek at the end of the day only to create a constant point of conflict out of everything in this world, focusing on criticizing, judging and opposing everything and everyone to remain only within a secluded state of inconformity, dissatisfaction, isolation and anger within powerlessness to ‘change this world.’ Perfect mind control installed.

 

I realize that the cultivation of these ‘freedom characters’ must be understood as the actual mind-control tool that we install within ourselves from the entry of ‘entertainment’ and ‘preferences’  – such as music in my case for example – wherein all I ended up becoming was this apparent ‘misunderstood person that was ‘unfit’ to society’ without realizing that it was all an entire character that I copied from all the people that I had watched on my TV screen and that I had deliberately become fond of as a representation of that which pointed out ‘freedom’ and survival within the system ( because artists = fame and fortune)  hence believing that I could make it in this world by becoming this antagonistic character while being in the system and feeding off from it, which is what I have discussed in previous posts of theorizing about change and revolution in society, and earning good money out doing so within the intellectual world.

 

I commit myself to debunk any sense of respect that I held toward particular characters in my reality that I kept as ‘real’ and ‘genuine’ because none of them in fact supported a living consideration of human beings as equals, but only stood just as another personality-cultivation that lead nowhere but to where most of them are, which is sunk in drugs, body deterioration, financial problems and some others managing to stay afloat within the same system that enables any form of human degradation to be sold/ packaged and fed to the masses like lollipops.

 

I commit myself to integrate the actual understanding of Freedom as the unconditional support that we can all Agree to give to each other as money to live and within this, for once and for all, stop all cultivation of personalities and instead, educate ourselves to cultivate the actual Life within each other that we have obstructed with all types of media-characters we’ve become, and within this, finally realize to what extent we’ve made of our reality a theatrical show only for the sake of entertaining our mind. Thus within this redeeming ourselves through directing our lives to Support each other as Equals, as physical beings that are able to live, express and ‘be free’ when everyone is equally realized within this basic consideration of who we are as life as physical beings that can enjoy life while simply breathing and establishing relationships of Self Support instead of character-relationships that have lead our world to the current state we’re living in.

 

Time to Open our Eyes and realize that there has been no actual promotion of Self Respect in the mainstream media at all, and that any ‘good intentions’ only paved the way to hell, to protect individual personas that stood as the example of what it is to be a walking paradox when it comes to having brilliant thoughts about the world, humanity, life in general But  still serving one single god: Mind cultivation and Money – but not Life.

This will continue –

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Day 5–Judging Self as Words

Communicating ourselves through and as words requires creating and directing a necessary identification first on how we exist as words. For that we require to create a direct and comfortable relationship with who and how we are and live as words. As we go establishing this point for ourselves, we can expand such self-understanding and communication toward others in an equal and reciprocate manner.

The following is part of the  support within  Scott’s Self-Forgiveness thread at the forum, which I have walked within the consideration of placing myself in the shoes of another and walking the pattern that is seen through the words shared, and applying Self Forgiveness as if it was my own experience – yet it is when we realize that we are all living currently as different dimensions of one self, therefore I take the point and walk it within the principle of equality and oneness by also taking responsibility for it to ensure that any points that emerge here are a direct construction of myself as well. 

I’ll quote the writing so that one can have a direct perspective of how the self forgiveness is constructed in relation to the writing itself.

 

The tendency to remain silent has been a delayed response when I’m listening or reading, then trying to reciprocate with something clear and coherent usually seems like something I’m pressured into, and the result would often be an inaccurate choice of words or what my mind calls nonsense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a belief on how I must reply to another while listening or reading and feeling/ experiencing myself as ‘being pressured into it,’ without realizing that I am the only one that is creating such pressure by having created an ideal standard of how I want to reciprocate others based on what I hear/ read.

I realize that I must first take the necessary steps to see How I have lived reciprocity toward myself as the self-agreement that I am here to establish wherein, by doing so, I am able to extend the same reciprocity toward others as I will have established for myself first the necessary self-communication wherein I use words to disentangle myself from my mind, and direct me out of the ‘ideal’ of ‘how I must reciprocate’ and instead, hear and read unconditionally without automatically participating in the idea that I have to ‘reciprocate’ which is where I am setting my own ‘standard’ of ‘how I must reply,’ and if I don’t ‘reach’ such standard, I judge myself and my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience ‘pressure’ when communicating, when reading and interacting with others in my reality wherein I am existing in the predisposition of ‘having to reciprocate’ according to the standards that I have set for myself, wherein if I don’t ‘meet’ such standards, I judge my choice of words and expression within the belief that I cannot place into words the actual common sense that I see I am able and capable of replying-with if there is a point to share, exchange and add-to as self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to set a standard as a belief-system of ‘how I must always reciprocate’ within the belief of having to be ‘clear and coherent,’ without realizing that if I still judge my expression as nonsensical/ scattered/ inaccurate choice of words, I am still having a starting point of believing that no matter what I say, it will be ‘inaccurate’ in the moment. Thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge my expression according to suiting a particular ideal of expression being coherent and clear, without first allowing me to forgive myself for having accepted and allowed to judge words as who I am, wherein I am trying to reach a certain ‘ideal’ in my mind, instead of first walking the point of establishing unconditional expression of myself here, as words, without the initial condition of it having to be ‘clear’ and ‘coherent.’

I realize that writing is an exercise in itself that will enable me to establish such clarity and coherence without me trying to ‘achieve it’ as something separate from myself. I allow myself to direct myself as words, becoming aware of the words that I speak wherein I can communicate and express in a simple form without creating an over-wrought idea of ‘how it must be.’

I realize that having participated in an extended application of self-judgment toward my words has created an actual physical experience of ‘feeling’ inaccurate with communication, which is then a point that I realize I am able to direct myself to establish by not wanting to first ‘meet a standard’ of ‘how it must be.’ I let go of prefabricated ideas I have created and imprinted onto words as myself/ words within communication wherein I instead allow myself to learn from scratch, to become aware of what each word is implying as I write for myself how I am willing to live and direct my life from here on by and through words

 

 

The experience is of being constantly fed up with this pattern in writing along with as speaking, as well as the entire feedback cycle in relation to this point, and I would use it as a reinforcement and justification for remaining silent.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience such as constantly being fed up with a pattern as an ‘inability to write/ communicate’ without realizing how I can only create such experience with words and participation in my mind that I can instead direct through self-forgiveness on the exact points that I am seeing and realizing I am judging ‘by default’ as a pre-existent condition I have created unto writing and speaking.

I allow myself to open up the experience of ‘being fed up’ as a constant self-experience that can only be created by myself through an accumulation of backchat as self-judgment toward my words based on how I have compared my expression to an ‘ideal’ that I try to ‘meet,’ without first establishing for myself that ability to write without judging my expression as in wanting to meet a certain ‘standard’ and going into self-sabotage the moment that I Believe that I am unable and incapable of being coherent and clear within my communication.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ‘fed up’ with having feedback upon what I write and say from the starting point of fearing to be judged, without realizing that I am and have been the only one that has created such cycle of self-judgment toward my own expression, without realizing that resisting to read/ hear others’ perspectives is in fact a mechanism that I am using in order to not have the self-created judgment I have imprinted toward myself and my expression.

I realize that no one is able to judge myself other than myself – therefore, I stop projecting onto others that which I see I can commit myself to stop, which is the participation in self-judgment toward myself as words, my expression, my beingness in any moment. I allow myself to hear, read and get feedback as a way to support myself to walk out of my ego and into a physical reality wherein any judgment has no place to ‘exist in’ other than in my own mind.

I commit myself to stop myself from judging my expression as words within the terms of being inaccurate and nonsensical, and instead direct myself to write unconditionally from the starting point of supporting me to first stop these preconceived ideas of How I must communicate and/or convey a message, within the realization that I can only free myself from such constrain of trying to fit into an idea of how to reply and reciprocate to others, if I allow myself to first give me the opportunity to let go of the standards I’ve set for myself that I realize, takes actual time and space and practice to establish myself as writing myself to freedom, as righting myself to be unconditional within my own expression and letting go of wanting to meet certain standards at this stage.

I commit myself to establish myself as comfortable while writing and speaking, which implies that I accept and allow myself to see how I have created any discomfort with myself through my own words.

Thus I direct myself to become aware of how a single word as a belief of ‘how my expression is’ can in fact create an entire experience of myself toward writing/ communicating. Thus, I walk the necessary process to dig further and investigate to the core of each word that I have accepted and allowed to judge my expression as words with.

I commit myself to allow me to get to know ‘who I am’ within the words that I express myself as, I realize that I am able to change and give myself a direction that stands within the context of what’s best for all, wherein simplicity is the key to let go of any overwrought and ideals upon my own expression.

 

 

Being apparently unable to reciprocate in certain moments when it seems appropriate has been a perceived impediment along with the experience of detachment. In noticing the suppression and detachment within myself I want to be the first to criticize myself as if to deprive anyone else of the ‘right’ to do the same.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief that I have a certain ‘impediment’ that prevents me from being able to communicate and express myself in the moment, even when realizing that I am able and capable of seeing that I am in fact able to give/ share a perspective in common sense, that is self-supportive without having to create an initial self-judgment to the ‘choice of words,’ which is how I have capped my expression as in giving ‘value’ to the words I speak – I allow myself to investigate the values I have imprinted onto ‘expression’ in itself as accuracy, coherency and clarity.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use words as another form of self-image wherein the single fixation on how words sound become a separate point from actual expression development, wherein I allow myself to get obsessed with it having to be perfect at all times, and within this, because of fearing not meeting the standard, refraining from even trying, in fear of not being able to equalize that which I can only deem as an acceptable way of expressing myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compromise myself within the belief that ‘I must reciprocate’ as an act of mutual benefit wherein I realize that I cannot do so if I haven’t first established a self-reciprocity wherein I support me to stop receiving from myself an automated judgment implemented onto the words that I speak as myself. I realize that I create myself as words – therefore, I am able and capable of investigating the words that I see hold a certain ‘value’ as an aura of specialness that I have desired myself to equalize myself to, without first taking the steps of taking each word that I have deemed as a limitation within myself and opening it up to see the values I have created and placed in separation of myself.

I see and realize that the moment that I can clarify for myself the starting point as self-supportive within writing and communicating, any judgment that may still come through such process of self-support must be scrutinized to stop the judgments toward my own self-supportive writing.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of ‘detachment’ which can only exist when I am in my mind trying to defend myself from having to face the truth and reality that I have become, wherein it is safer to ‘detach’ than to engage and actively participate to debunk my own fortress of words as experiences that I see and realize I have created for myself, in separation of ‘who I am’ as the living word – this implies that I must investigate ‘detachment’ as a way to not face myself as my mind, as my own words and see what caused me to create a mind-experience of detachment, without realizing that in this physical reality, I cannot be ‘detached’ from anything as all is here as myself. Thus I investigate the mechanisms that lead me to create ‘detachment’ as a way to believe that I can be separate from the consequence and reality of this world that is myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to exist within a self-righteous act of first being able to judge/ criticize myself before others/ someone else does it, without realizing that such judgment can only exist within me and that taking the vantage point of judging myself first is stemming from a belief that anyone can judge myself and have ‘power over me’ while doing so.

I see and realize the self-righteousness that I have allowed myself to exist as when it comes to defending my own self-limitation, which is certainly not acceptable and I realize I can stop in order to become humble as in grounding myself to walk a process of self support, wherein any feedback and interactions within my every day living are points that I am able to gift to myself as opportunities to face myself and correct myself within the consideration and principle of what is best for all as equals, as I realize that existing in perpetual self-judgment is only remaining bound to a singled-I perspective of myself as my mind, wherein I am not in fact taking myself into consideration as the realization of who and what I am exists as a physical body that doesn’t require to be judged in order to exist.

 

 

I notice that I’m basically expecting to be misinterpreted through choice of words and overall expression, including silence, bracing and suppressing myself through the maintenance of the whole cycle, while fixating on the perception of it as a problem that I apparently can’t solve, which is essentially trying to limit communication based on the pattern formed from past memories and experiences.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist within a future projection of expecting to be misinterpreted while communicating/ interacting with others due to how I have allowed myself to judge my own expression, choice of words which is a self-sabotage mechanism wherein remaining silent is a way to keep myself ‘safe’ from being able to face what I have accepted and allowed myself to become as a fortress that I have built throughout space and time as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my own belief and/or fear of being misinterpreted for being silent, when this is something that I can only allow myself to exist as if I have judged my own silence as a mechanism to suppress my ability to communicate and interact in any given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of silence a comfortable space in my mind wherein I don’t have to expose myself in fear of being judged by others as the words that I speak.

 

I realize that it will take space and time and specificity to dedicate myself to deconstruct the fortress that I have built toward myself and my own expression as the ability to replace such bricks of self-recrimination, self-judgment and self-sabotage with bricks as the input of self-support, self-acceptance and self-direction that I am able to give to myself in every moment that I stop from participating in the usual patterns of self-judgment in my mind toward myself and my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of communication and interaction a moment and event wherein I have to be in a defense-mode from ‘being judged by others,’ without realizing that such judgment is stemming from myself only, thus projecting it onto others as a belief that what I see within myself as judgments is ‘who I am’ – I realize that it is my responsibility for having allowed myself to be affected by the words that others may say or think about me , and that I can only participate in such cycles of judgment within the belief that who I am can be ‘judged by others’ which can only happen if I allow such judgment to exist within me first.

I commit myself to take responsibility to not project onto others that which I have judged within my self – I realize that this is able to be walked as I walk myself out of any inkling of judgment that I have created toward myself as the expression and choice of words, which I realize I am the directive principle of in every moment that I am able to stop any point of self-judgment, apply self forgiveness for it and give it a new input/ direction that will stand as a constructive direction that I realize I am able and capable of giving myself to in every moment that I am here as breath, directing myself and not being directed by my own mind, which is the epitome of imitation.

I equalize myself as self-direction in order to direct my mind a myself within the starting point of what’s best for all to express and live as.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create words as problems, as experiences within me that I realize I have created through the accumulation of participating in my mind as fears, judgments and any other limitation wherein I then believe that such words that I have adopted as ‘who I am’ are in fact a ‘reality’ of myself, without realizing how I created such ‘problems’ for myself by my direct participation in allowing me to be diminished, judged, criticized and limit myself by becoming words that are not supportive to live.

Thus I realize that I can direct myself to stop the fixation of a problem and instead, fixing it by taking the necessary steps of self-correction which will require me going into the core of the words that I see I am living as a ‘problem’ and walking the necessary process to disengage from such limitation while giving myself practical direction to support myself as one and equal, as the ability to express without any limitation created in my own mind.

I realize that I am the only one that is able to solve the experiences that I have defined as an impediment or a problem within myself, as I realize that I created them in the first place.

I take self responsibility to correct the patterns that I have allowed myself to limit myself with, wherein I become the directive principle of the life that I am here writing in order to structure myself to live the words that are self-supportive for myself – in common sense.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take memories and experiences of the past as a precondition to any given moment that I am able to communicate, wherein I am then sabotaging my stance according to How I experienced myself in moments of communicating in the past as memories that I have kept ‘as who I am,’ which have only limited myself to remain bound to an ‘idea’ of ‘who I am while communicating.’ Thus, I direct myself to open up and disclose for myself all the experiences that I’ve held and kept as myself in similar situations to unconditionally let go of all limitations that I have created as an inability to communicate/ interact/ reply in a moment of interaction.

I see that reciprocity can only exist while and when I have in fact established myself as the self-agreement of support to make sure I stop all judgments as ‘who I am’ and commit myself to root out the embedded beliefs of limitation that are only existent as words that I have allowed myself to create as the idea of ‘who I am.’

I commit myself to investigate the words that I have created myself as within the terms of self-limitation and self-judgment, as I see and realize that it is within the memories and the past that I have kept as ‘who I am’ that all the keys to ‘what I am’ now exist. Thus, I direct myself to dig into the words I’ve lived as self-limitation and self-judgment in order to understand how I am responsible for my own experience, and how I am able to give myself proper direction to stand one and equal to the words I speak which means, scripting myself to live words that are self-supportive within the consideration of what’s best for all.

I realize that any experience that I have created toward ‘others’ in the moment of communication is only my own reflection and mirror of who I am within and as my mind, which is then what I work with instead of believing that I can be judged by others without my consent to do so. I realize that in order for me to establish a process of self-agreement of self-support, I have to let go of defending myself as my mind and arguing for my limitations, which is simply an indication that the moment that I see such limitations coming up, I am able to Stop, breathe and find the practical direct-solution to such limiting judgment and direct myself in the moment that the thought arrives to investigate how I have accepted and allowed myself to become such word I speak/ write/ communicate as ‘who I am.’

I commit myself to investigate myself as the words that I speak, to become specific in scripting myself to give myself practical and tangible solutions to every point that I see I have diminished myself to – therefore it is a process of self-support wherein I walk self-forgiveness to expose the patterns that I have lived as fears, limitations, judgments that tamper my ability to express – and direct myself to give a proper input once that the ‘old’ is self-forgiven.

 

I realize that I must do this in order to not let the points only be ‘exposed’ yet without having any proper direction, as that is equal to empty statements that are ‘gone with the wind’ as the mind will only be temporarily ‘exposed’ but not given full correction, which gives space for the same pattern to re-emerge. Thus I commit myself to give myself practical corrections that I see and realize I can live and apply in the immediacy of the context and events wherein I identify I experience such judgments and suppressions.

I let go of the idea of my writings having to be done in a perfect manner, I allow myself to see that perfection is not built and created ‘overnight’ as it has taken us time and space within an existential process of having detached from such perfection by our own acceptance and allowance of separation form ourselves as our own mind.

I see and realize that the experiences that I am facing at the moment are the direct result of what I have accepted and allowed myself to become in separation of ‘who I am’ as life.

Life is at this moment for myself being able to express, communicate, interact and participate in my physical reality without limitations and self-imposed boundaries, which is then recognizing my ability to give myself structure to establish a world as words of self-support that I vow myself to live as ‘who I am,’ through physically stopping and correcting/ directing the patterns that I have limited and reduced myself to within my mind.

I allow myself to expand my ability to express without holding any preconceived idea of ‘how’ and ‘who’ I must be while doing so, I allow myself to give myself that moment of innocence while and when I write myself to recognize my own creation and direct myself to correct it in Self-Responsibility for one’s own experience and for all in equality.

 

“In the BEGINNING was the the Word and the Word was God and the Word was With God, = See — we are Living Words, The Word made Flesh, The selF. Only one Problem. Where there is a Beginning there is an END. Only through ENDING what we have become as the Living Word will we be Able to recreate ourselves as Words and a WORLD that is Best for Life and for this we Must Become Life or end as a FILE in the Annals of History — just a Memory. Join the forum at Desteni.” – Bernard Poolman

 

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Equality debunks Massification

Response to Jessica Fuller

“I agree Ellory…equality is not the same as freedom. After all, Communists aim to make the masses equal.”

Placing the point into context. We are commenting over a fear-mongering article charged with sufficient propaganda to create the belief that living in perpetual fear and masking it with ‘survival skills’ relevant to one’s individual value schemes is something ‘clever’ to do and denoting ‘wisdom in living’ as the ‘voice of experience’ speaks. It is explained how one must ‘survive’ and protect oneself toward an apparent ‘enemy’ which is the system that we’ve created, accepted and allowed. Now within this, there are a set of prejudices that have built the brilliant educational system that is obviously sponsored by and lobbying capitalism as the ‘perfect living condition’ for people in this world. I’ve seen a constant in people’s arguments through these past  years of interacting with comments in our videos and blogs wherein we  present the solution of Equality as the implementation of the Equal Money System.

Freedom has NEVER existed in fact. It was introduced as part of the vocabulary  as an elusive concept that we were taught we had to ‘fight for,’ defend and even ‘die’ for – yet never ‘given’ as an actual living condition from birth for all equally. Look at your revolutions, they never brought any change but only superficial exchange of powers such as the ‘oppressed’ suddenly becoming the ruling class, often leading to worse results than the ones that were initially fought against.  Freedom in this current system is linked to money and money is inherently created upon abuse, therefore there is no freedom whatsoever because ‘None is Free till ALL is Free.’

Let’s look at ‘making the masses equal’ which is a particular usage of words to create the pejorative sense of ‘massification’ which is a term introduced to describe a sense of loss of individualism wherein groups of people could be directed and encompassed as a ‘whole’ with similar behavioral and thinking patterns through the media.  Therefore, isn’t it that we are already living such ‘massification?’ How about realizing that your current ‘equality’ is desiring the same as your neighbor which is achieving to live the ultimate ‘american dream’ that is charged with this idealism of being a ‘unique and special individual’ that seeks the ultimate success as money, sex and everything else that could create a sense of ‘completion’ in a human being’s lifetime.

Look at your adverts – what are they selling you? The image of perfection that makes you keep ‘striving’ to get to such happiness/ love/ bliss/ completion that is, more often than not, never actually fulfilled in a regular mortal’s life. It’s obvious that your ‘communism’ as it’s been taught in educational systems has been satanized and linked to the worst meanings possible for the sake of everyone seeing it as the ultimate ‘control,’ without ever being able to look back at ourselves and realize that we have accepted that very same  form of control, indoctrination and fascism wrapped up with false-flags of freedom and justice for all – none of them real in any way whatsoever and we only require to look at the world as proof of what I am describing here.

No one is free, we’re all abound to the same monetary system that is absolutely based on abuse and inequality, the inequality that we’ve accepted as part of the brainwashing wherein we believe that we have to ‘strive’ to get a decent living condition and that it is ‘okay’ to have over a billion beings starving in the world. This is all unacceptable and must be exposed for the propaganda it has been to determine a general social, economical and political structure designed to keep some people invariably disenfranchised so that there is always someone ‘willing to do the work’ that no one else wants to do out  of sheer necessity = extreme survival mode lived as the now friendly-named ‘modern day slavery’ which is just blatant slavery, another proof that evolution has not taken place in this world either.

“I also agree that we are responsible for ourselves. Buddhism, arguably the most peaceful religion out of all the major religions of the world, advocates that the only way you can influence lasting positive change is to begin with oneself. The New World Order has it’s talons deep in the world and it has been digging them deeper and deeper for decades…possibly even 100s to thousands of years depending how far into conspiracies you are willing to look.”

Peace is resisting war – peace is created out of the concept and acceptance of war itself in the first place. If you understand Buddhism, in common sense you will see that it promoted passivity and a general mode of observance/ detachment wherein people were never challenged to create a solution for this world; instead they were left to ‘meditate’ and ‘surrender’ to this world, taking on a light blindfold and remaining in a ‘blissful’ experience without even caring to look at how just by the mere fact of existing in this world, they were equally responsible to the ‘human condition’ that has never been ‘best for all’ or a harmonious one. Therefore Buddhism is another form of brainwashing wherein it is easy to ‘detach’ ourselves to ‘avoid suffering,’ yet the suffering remains ‘here’ and is not dealt-with. You ‘turn off your mind’ and pretend that everything is fine even though  ‘trying to keep the thoughts away’ is the first point that is being fought against when seeking such ‘peace of mind’ that is so revered and popular nowadays, it’s just another form of mental morphine to sedate ourselves from the problems that are existing in this world.

We begin with ourselves, yes, that is the principle. Yet the starting point must not be that of ‘existing in bliss’ or creating a false sense of ‘stability’ as a mind generated experience that can only exist at an individual level. It is only kept in place by the person  having to constantly turn off/ shut down the mind without actually daring to see and reveal what is existent within and in doing so, face the reality that we’ve become as our minds to walk an actual process of self correction.

I once tried ‘stilling the mind’ and entire Zen approach to life – I became so frustrated because I suppressed myself every time that I reacted within my mind that raced with thoughts and emotions that I could not ‘externalize’ and face, but simply shoved away.  It is in fact a process to create our inner demons because it all goes back into our head where it regurgitates and becomes backchat. This way we simply chew our own cud up there in our head without ever daring to speak it out and face what such drivel is revealing of ourselves.

It is only through the process of Self Forgiveness that I got to understand how we have to first allow ourselves to know ourselves, get to understand how our mind works through writing and speaking. From there the process of Self Forgiveness is taking Self-Responsibility on every statement wherein we recognize what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be/ become in separation of who we are as Life as Equals. Self Forgiveness is the only application – after many attempts to live through other various practices, philosophies and beliefs – that has enabled me to support myself and others equally by standing within one single and basic principle which is the principle that we are promoting as the base and foundation for a new system in this world: Equality as Life.

Common sense which is ‘what’s best for all’ becomes the constant measuring/ reference point to direct ourselves as our thoughts, words and deeds in our reality. This is how we begin with ourselves because we understand that we are the creators of this world and we cannot possibly look at ‘solving/ changing the world’ without first daring to look at ourselves and understanding what exists within us as our own mind. That’s the first point of Self-Responsibility.

‘The New World Order’ is as real as you want to believe it is in a similar way to the belief system we’ve accepted as our current monetary system. From my perspective it is no different to say ‘new world order’ or ‘capitalism’ or ‘socialism’ as any form of government and control over population imposed by a ruling class is equally deceptive and abusive. Hence I could say that we have existed within a perpetual ‘world order’ that has been based on the polarization of society, the survival of the fittest, the perpetuation of power for only a few that have become those that have set the rules of ‘who you are’ and ‘what you think’ currently, the same elusive ideals discussed at the beginning. They have cleverly designed the entire conspiracy theory point as their own way to entertain ‘the masses’ while igniting their sense of ‘indignation,’ yet continuing to accept a ludicrous monetary system that is certainly a point that is urgent to take self-responsibility for as every moment that we use it, we are existing in that tacit agreement for all the abuse and inequality that money is creating.

“Sitting in a circle signing “Kum-ba-ya” and discussing ideologies while plotting a peace plan celebrating equality will get us nowhere. It’s too late for all that.”

I certainly agree. Though I wouldn’t only judge people singing and praying or meditating – which are similar ways of neglecting the world – but also people that sit around watching TV consuming everything that the media says which is in fact the very artifact used for indoctrination and control to generate the necessary ‘massification’ to keep everyone well enter.tamed. What about people sitting around in their opulent international conventions to create “solutions for the world” year after year? They are also discussing only ideologies without getting anywhere. What about people discussing only about their dreams, desires and ‘pursuit of happiness’ around coffee tables? Isn’t that also part of talking about personal ideologies getting nowhere which in fact keep the current system in place because one will do ‘anything necessary’ to achieve ‘one’s dreams’ while disregarding the rest of the world. The pursuit of happiness is our demise and that’s why we must stop all forms of delusions to any form of ‘celebration’ – there is only people selling you the false sense of ‘freedom of choice’ and a ‘peace of mind’ that will run out the very first moment that you are confronted with your own feelings  and emotions and don’t know ‘how to deal with them’ other than shoving them under the rug, pretending once again that ‘everything is fine.’

There can be no celebration of Equality in this world as it has never existed – anyone claiming to do so is then in a self-brainwashing session that must be immediately stopped and exposed for the fallacy it represents.

“Now is the time to accept that life as we know it is about to change in a drastic fear-inspiring way and we might as well learn to protect ourselves and plan for the worst so that we can survive in order to join together and fight back. When you plan for the worst and the best happens then you may enjoy a pleasant surprise. When you plan for the best and the worst happens, you end up having your ass handed to you.”

I wouldn’t necessarily say that it will be in an ‘inspiring’ way. I haven’t found any ‘inspiration’ in this world other than death and destruction for creative processes –  if you are talking about that type of inspiration here. We are way overdue to accept and understand the fact that we require to stop living in our individual bubbles of self-indulgence wherein we’ve become so used to ‘the world as it is’ with its ‘flaws and charms,’ without ever really daring to question WHY we have accepted the world as it is and HOW we are all equally responsible for the current conditions of abuse we’ve imposed on to ourselves and everything here.

This world is already drastically changing indeed and the level of extinction of fauna and flora is a measuring point that gives us direct feedback of the level of destruction we’ve generated while following our dreams and desires, doing ‘everything we can’ to make an ideal imposed by the media and ‘education’ that began at home, our reality. We learned that we had to become ‘successful’ and reaching the ultimate state of ‘happiness’ and ‘success’ which is as elusive as the concepts of freedom, free-will, bliss, love, justice and any other concept that has been imprinted as ‘ideals’ that have never been lived as the actual agreements and relationships applied toward each other.

We’ve been living in a sugar coated reality of which the inside is starting to rot  and the pungent smell is seething out, reaching those that had lived in perpetual ‘safety nets’/ personal heavens where ‘everything is fine,’ which is how this type of articles are now ‘hitting home’ for many that used to boast on living in ‘the land of the free. ‘ And this must not be understood only as a criticism toward the ‘American Dream’ as we – people in the rest of the world – have managed to accept and copycat the same standards and general aims promoted by the capitalist system (American Dream.) Therefore we are all equally part of keeping our own trap in place.

Preparing for the ‘worst case scenario’ shouldn’t come with an expectation of having a ‘pleasant surprise’ as expectations are usually forms of self sabotage wherein you would then require a second ‘bail out’ to a second-layer of ‘worst case scenario’ in case you don’t get your ‘pleasant surprise’ in place. It’s very clear here how we have conditioned our self-movement, actions and self-direction upon having a controlled outcome or at least a general ‘outline’ of what we will be ‘getting’ wherein we are able to be rewarded. This is how we have always sought to ‘get something’ in exchange, we are always seeking to win and ‘overcome’ whatever adversity we have accepted and allowed as real in the first place, which can only be ourselves fighting back at us.

‘Fighting back’ is the recurred usage of words to abdicate self-responsibility and view ‘them’ as some form of ‘evil’ and ‘enemy’ outside of ourselves. In this we are in fact denying our responsibility within the creation of this current social, economical and political structure wherein we have neglected the fact that we can create a sustainable form of supporting ourselves as Equals, just as it always should have been.

Protectionism is fear based and is  another form of control to keep ‘the masses’ peacefully believing they are ‘saving their ass’ while diminishing their ability to respond– take self-responsibility – for the current conditions we are living in as the world – this means that it is the perfect implementation of ‘divide and conquer.’ People in power have obviously learned this point very well wherein they will stimulate your fear/desire of survival as ‘protectionism’ and promote it as a way to ‘guard yourself and those that you love,’  either family or friends usually, which will create a false sense of comfort based on ‘protecting’ yourself from a perpetual evil that has been self created all along.

When we break-through fear, we become actual stronger beings. This is exactly what people don’t want to realize because the more we see and open our eyes to the reality we have accepted, the easier it will be to realize that we have been brainwashed all this time and that  we can in fact create a change by the single fact of having been living in a system based on blatant lies and abuse for such a long time without ever pondering ‘why’ we are living in such disparity, suffering and abuse if the Earth and what is here is not charging us at all for what we eat and require to live.

The only motivation must be based on Equality as the realization of who I really am, and this ‘I’ includes all as one as equal – though this is not to get all emotional and sympathetic, it’s an actual realization that I am equally responsible for everything in this world: the abuse, the negligence toward all other life forms, the disregard of realizing that every other human and living being is also myself as well as the acceptance and absolute compliance to the current system which is capitalism.

Now within this context, denigrating Equality to a form of ‘massification’ can only reveal a lack of understanding of what the word implies as a living realization of who we really are. This is not a problem because we were all in the very same condition after having been equally brainwashed by our so-called authorities in this world – parents, teachers and the general structure of this world- as well as the money that dictates how everything moves, who lives and who dies.

Any proposal presented by someone and it’s not based in common sense, will pose a threat to humanity instead of an actual solution – this is by simple deduction.  (If it’s not advocating best for all then there is a set of special conditions applied only for some = separation.)

I invite you and anyone reading this to take a moment to learn about what I am saying here, check out the links below which are two websites that will change your life if you have agreed with some or all of the points I’ve exposed in this blog.

I don’t speak for ‘myself’ only, I speak and direct myself within the common sensical perspective that anyone could express in equality just by the fact of being another living being in this world. This  is how we measure our equality,  see for yourself.

http://www.destonians.com

http://www.desteni.org

http://www.equalmoney.org

http://wiki.destonians.com

words


Dysfunctional Minds

We are the creators of our world and the so-called ‘our world’ is often comprised of our own mind which is the product of the pre-laid conditions passed on through the genes from generation to generation – doesn’t matter which/where/how many  bloods or eras, we’ve always been part of this world within the basic principle of reproduction – as well as through the influence of  ‘invisible forces’ that are represented through the effect that money and social conditions that we’ve created as well, determine the environment and general aspects that add up to the factors that determine who we’ll become as a product of our society, another product of our own.

Within this, as human beings and in an attempt to ‘understand ourselves’ as the inherent deviations — based on very basic principles that we’ll explain here – we’ve created terms that are now well accepted as conditions that are, somehow apparently, sprouting in peoples minds and becoming the usual ‘conditions’ existent in people living in this world, as well as a juicy business that’s requiring a constant supply of pills to apparently ‘alleviate the symptoms’

This obviously not being in fact so and being just the tip of the iceberg of all the blatant lies and cover ups we’ve hidden ourselves behind.

One of the points that we cannot deny is that we all have to be deluded and mad in some level to be able to accept this reality as it is, I mean for that matter we’re all existent in a parallel universe every time that we’re not here breathing and not thinking unnecessarily  – though as we know, this is one of the most difficult points as we’ve been so used to thinking all the fucking time – hence we see we’ve created the problem, it’s then our responsibility to create a solution as ourselves as well.

Here some of the words that are being broadly used to define and out-line someone from ‘the rest’ for apparent unsociable conditions.

Psychopathy: a lack of interest in, or care for, the sanctity of human life.

Just today I got feedback from someone saying that I ‘aim for non-human goals’ wherein such person is already allowing the ‘inherently flawed human nature’ as something unchangeable that only can be ‘dealt/ coped with’ – No, I refuse to accept such status quo and in that regard, these type of statements should be the ones that are labeled as an actual psychopath as they’re not willing to change the preordained human condition to exist in massive loopholes of disregard to anything that’s common sense, and thus actually posing a threat to the rest that are willing to stand up for life and care about life which are the ones that have actually dared to question, expose and create solutions to the accepted and allowed ‘human nature’ that has created such harm toward life – not only humans toward other humans, but as a general disregard to everything that’s here.

Hence, who is a real psychopath? anyone not willing to live as an equal and walk the necessary steps to live as such.

For that matter I could’ve been called a psychopath in the past as well because of having gone through a series of thoughts with regards to how lame we’ve become as human beings and within that mimicking the external conditions as myself in an attempt to create a ‘warning sign’ that no one really heard until I understood I had to stand up for myself, as myself, not to create further calls for attention but become my point of attention – first beginning with myself and realizing my own point of self responsibility and then extending this to the world.  This didn’t really mean that I ‘loathed’ my kind, but I do recognize the gigantic faults, disregard and general fuckups in this world. So, tag is proven to be obnoxious and only necessary to apply it within the actual terms of someone being a threat to the betterment of humanity.

Sociopathy: a lack of interest in, or care for, the rules of a society.

Within this single consideration, anyone that’s a freechoicer and only caring for their own two feet – and sometimes not even that – could be labeled as a sociopath, virtually anyone that is not looking at the current state of the world and realizing that it is our responsibility to start becoming active participants within our reality and being aware of the current world affairs which will indicate where are all the flaws within the system, so that we can then create and implement a new way of existing/ living in this world at last.

Any person that isn’t willing to look outside of their own mind bubble can then be tagged as sociopath, as individualism is their priority while using the greatest weapons of freechoice and freewill to defend their righteousness,  all glorified ‘commandments’ that command/govern the minds/mentes of people to justify, glorify and vindicate their actions as ‘their right’ within this world, liberty and justice become only a self created idea that has no basis on common sense and what’s best for all, but only suiting each one’s sense of ‘what’s right’ for them only.

When the rules and so called ‘wisdom’ of man turn against himself, we must know, an urgent reform to the entire system must take place.

I assure you no one in this world is absolutely ‘happy’ and anyone that claims they are, they’re lying. Therefore being happy, positive having the ‘full-glass’ perspective on this world is in fact a deluded being, an actual sociopath that is claiming that ‘everything is fine, there’s nothing to change, I’m cool just as I am’ and won’t do a thing to become part of a solution to the obvious fuckedupness because he finds ‘no fault’ within himself/ this reality at all.

Another blatant way of deviating and abdicating self responsibility – and is also an often accepted ‘way of being’ – is positivity and people embrace it as a ‘way of living’ without anyone daring to name it for what these people are: actual sociopaths that pose a threat to the world because they’ll defend their positive/bright side view on the world where everything is fine and there’s nothing to correct within themselves or the world while neglecting and deliberately overlooking/ disregarding the abuse that’s being inflicted to everyone and everything in this world. Real danger, yet the world is full of them.

Time to expose them for what they are. There is no bliss in the world other than blissful mindfucks that can only last for so long, really.

Malignant narcissism: pathological grandiosity, lacking in conscience and behavioral regulation, characterized by joyful cruelty and sadism.

Lightworkers, positive thinkers, optimistic people, full-glass viewers and general ‘happy people’ should be regarded then as ‘malignant narcissistic’ as they are often imbued within their own realm of reality wherein they’re always viewing through the full-glass filter where everything is fine just like what ‘heaven’ should be and within that, believing that you only have to ask for your shit to be given by your pal the universe with all your might and joy and positive vibrations while turning their backs on the real actual constant daily hideous suffering that this world and the beings within go through while some only focus on ‘following their greatest excitement’. I mean, what the fuck? Psychology/psychiatry are equally retarded by usually embedding these tags to people that dare to question reality, that dare to mimic the state of the world we’re living in as a way to pointing out what should be obvious already, people that dare to break the status quo and show to the world what’s being accepted and allowed. No wonder, once again, that the world is in reverse.

All the me-me-ists then would be encompassed within this illness, a serious one.

If we look at it, this current system the capitalist system is the perfect incubator for malignant narcissism to sprout like wildflowers along the road, I mean, all is about ‘you’, satisfying ‘your wants’, ‘your needs’, ‘your desires’, ‘follow your greatest excitement’, ‘ask the universe for whatever you want’, ‘you are god, you can have it all’, ‘be happy, life is short, enjoy the most of it’ – suck everyone dry on the way in the end I mean ‘one’s got to make the most of this life isn’t it? –  And, isn’t it real cruelty and real sadism to deliberately boast on happiness, joy, completion, success while other human beings are living in deplorable conditions in the very same world wherein you are showing off your greatest wants and needs become ‘true’? Isn’t positivism to have your thoughts be the cause of wars and conflicts that seek the same ‘stardom’ and ‘superiority’ that you seek in your own mind? Isn’t seeking something outside of yourself the sickening aspect that’s lead to this general malady in the world?

Positivism a behavioral trait of man should also be targeted as the actual deluded ‘nature’ that is neglecting the violence, abuse, exploitation in all forms of everyone and everything around us, thus being the actual threat towards others as it will ran over anything/everyone in the name of ‘following a greater excitement’.

Isn’t it actual sadism to exist in such vainglory and self-petulance of ‘obtaining whatever you want by just asking for it’ while billions starve, while billions are sold/traded for money  to build the house of your dreams, to build the car that’ll get you the nice piece of ass you want as a wife, to sow the clothes wherein you built up the ‘perfect image’ that will sell good to other self-obsessed people that seek to match their ideals of perfection by getting along with ‘like minded people’ – nothing else but colonies of robots seeking to mingle together to not be alone in their self-deluded version of the world that’s only able to be kept lit up by – yes you guessed it – Money.

Nothing else but self interest seeking others that run on the same mindset to feed of each other, perpetuating the alternate reality that will hit the ground once the illusionary money as ‘power’ to the illusion is gone and what’s left is the physical darkness of this reality that’s equal in all ways – all mind delusions, all mind pathologies will be seen for what they are in reality and there will be no other way but to adapt/align to what is best for all or cease to exist.

Insanity, craziness or madness is a spectrum of behaviors characterized by certain abnormal mental or behavioral patterns. Insanity may manifest as violations of societal norms, including becoming a danger to themselves and others, though not all such acts are considered insanity. In modern usage insanity is most commonly encountered as an informal unscientific term denoting mental instability

The easiest way to not face ourselves and our reality is through claiming insanity, through becoming and embodying this idea of being deranged because at least that’s an ‘acceptable way’ within society to claim one is handicapped, unable and not in an optimum condition to take self responsibility. It’s created as a defense mechanism that comes when realizing the extent of our acceptances and allowances and instead of daring to face ourselves, we rather create a split and decide that we’d rather wander off and appear aloof than taking self responsibility.

Isn’t everyone then insane when being ‘mentally unstable’ as being able to shift in personalities, mood, states of being, wondering from one realm to another in our minds, we’d all be then tagged as ‘insane’.

It’s a comfortable self-created lie just as all of the above conditions are.

Insanity is to have such policies like Scorched Earth wherein the ultimate evil of man is justified through means of ‘war’ as if war had any ‘positive outlook’ in any way whatsoever.

Anyone that defends a policy that stands as the least harm, abuse inflicted towards another living being/ the world itself is the definition of an insane person, but so is the person that decides to not hear, not see and resort into a bubble where everything is fine and be accepted as ‘insane’ just to not have to face ourselves in our creation. So all ‘people in power’ as well as protestors should be tagged as insane as well, isn’t it?

A legally declared ‘insane’ person can literally get away with murder without being processed due to such ‘condition’ – nice way to protect the real self-abusive behaviors that are perpetrated within such self-definition and inflict harm/abuse on to others only to end up being justified and ‘cleared’ within our flawed legal system.

Both poles are equally fucked – all of these mental definitions as medical diagnosis are equally fucked as they’re created by fellow men that are also running as systems seeking for nothing else but – yes you got it – Money.

Hence you can’t possibly trust someone whose years of  studying, their actions, decisions and exertion of ‘will’ is not self motivated within the starting point of Equality as Life at all, but is coming from and being driven by greed, desire for power and success through the creation of medicated drones that will run to them every month/ week for another yellow note that defines them as being incapable of being a ‘functional member of society’.

What a dog eat dog world – there’s nothing left here but for you to  investigate the Equal Money System where NONE of this will exist ever gain.

In the end, it’s each and every one of us that have the actual choice to decide who and what we’ll be within this world –

Choose Life at all times, it’s not really a choice, you can only choose to neglect it and turn a blind eye which is what should be in fact regarded as a serious illness and be treated accordingly to be corrected and avoid all possible harm to others – realize: there’s no ESC button in this reality, you’ll have to face yourself anyways so why not beginning today.

And now, for the marvelous correction to all of this:

Functional Mind: thinking, acting, writing, doing what’s best for all in all ways based on the principle of Equality as LIFE. Simplicity.

To see how this ties in with the Monetary System, watch:

Monetary Psychosis – The Cure is HERE

 

When all of your wishes are granted, many of your dreams will be destroyed


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