There are times when the most obvious still manages to become part of my moment to moment living, and this has been mostly ghosts of the past meaning people, places, past relationships with specific individuals that I also developed highly obsessed type of relationships too. And so what I heard in an interview on Paranoia is about this “positive” type of paranoia wherein I realize that I had missed one single key point: the moment that we allow one memory to occupy our minds and we reactivate the experience of that particular memory in the past, we allow ourselves to re-activate that whole ‘me’ of the past in that single fleeting moment where one gives-up/ gives into any form of energy based on memory. Lol, really it is as if we decide to possess or poison ourselves for a moment just to give ourselves our energy-shot while imagining/seeing pictures in our mind, where we use illusions to kick off an experience within ourselves that we have defined as “pleasant” – either nostalgia, yearning, excitement, excitation, curiosity or merely believing that I miss the person or situation.
But then again of course when realizing this – after listening to this interview – it became very obvious how even almost like at a quantum level, even before translating this interview I was having an itching desire to just leave that one for later and go out for the walk. But, I didn’t, I made sure I got it all recorded before leaving and I was glad I did as I was then able to then use my time through my walk on my way back to apply Self-Forgiveness out loud for all the bits and pieces of memories and seemingly ‘insignificant’ moments where I would allow myself to trigger the thought of a ‘ghost of the past’ – meaning a particular memory of a person, situation, event – and then engage within it in a pondering manner, which is mostly what I’ve seen and realized means I hadn’t entirely decided to give ‘good riddance’ to it, to fully and actually let-go.
And in this, what came up was the realization that I cannot really ‘miss’ anything or anyone as I am already here, one can only ‘miss’ something as an experience in our minds, as the bond created toward that something or someone. So, missing implies only ‘craving’ the relationship formed at an energetic level toward another which means: a relationship formed through the mind, which are the only kind of relationships that can be missed, spoiled or desired as they had a starting point of energy and ended up being busted as energy – never real.
Within this, I see that the people with whom I have formed relationships based on co-operation, co-working, working through misunderstandings and genuine decision to support each other are rather the strongest and most constructive type of relationships that I would genuinely suggest all of us as humans to develop and invest our time and effort on, it is the kind of relationship that is not dependent on ‘preference’ toward another or a fleeting experience of desire or attraction or based on being ‘similar,’ but rather in the equal recognition of each other as human beings with our weaknesses to strengthen and our strengths to share and learn from each other.
I saw that I had associated the word relationship in a rather limited manner wherein I could mostly only see a partnership type of relationship and within that of course, believing that because ‘my point in process are relationships, then I am not doing that well’ and so even creating an experience of ‘leaving that point for later,’ instead of realizing that I would not be able to be doing what I’m doing if I wasn’t able to actually establish relationships with other individuals.
So yet again, seeing to what extent I/we have been brainwashed when it comes to words and our narrow view of these relationships wherein even only defining relationships to ‘people’ is still a limited perception, as life is a conglomerate of relationships, and so relationships are the key to being able to function as one organism and be able to live in harmony. For that, each one of us as a thread in the tapestry of our reality has to stand in principle and absolutely clear when it comes to being able to work with one another – what does being clear and standing in principle mean? It implies that there can’t be no past memories haunting one another based on past mistakes, judgments, preferences or merely suggesting ‘incompatibility of characters’ that trigger emotions of contempt and disdain to one another or ‘nice’ and ‘positive’ feelings to one another. In this, any energetic experiences toward another, no matter how subtle, no matter how positive or negative are always coming from the mind, and as such they become like a poison that prevents real supportive and constructive relationships from developing.
Why do I bring up the word poison? Because in my own experience, I’ve seen relationships come and go based on the energetic starting point I started and developed them with, wherein even my sole intent and desire to create a bond with a particular person backfired to the point where none of those relationships is standing at the moment, and it’s for the best. It is a tough lesson you see, more so when we have created a culture where all that you learn from TV and movies is to ‘fall in love’ and seek for that ‘spark of love’ or attraction with another, or that nice warm empathy felt to someone that becomes your friend or else – it’s all about ‘feelings’ as fuzzy warm energy sparks that we create in our body, believing that ‘this is normal’ and ‘this is what love is’ or what ‘relationships should FEEL like’ – when in fact Relationships is anything but a Feeling or a fleeting experience in our minds. They are actual processes of walking with another/others throughout a considerable amount of time to get to a particular outcome – to either develop an intimate relationship as partnership or to develop common tasks and projects to take on.
Why is there no-energy type of relationships? Because all that we’ve ever known and learned about relationships is to place the FEELING before anything else, and this is rather consequential and on the long run, only smoke that eventually fades out and what is left is mostly the result of our failed relationships: broken marriages/divorces, inability to communicate and eventually war too is a failed ability to cooperate with each other as equals, but instead keeping a particular experience toward the perceived ‘enemy’ that is always self-created: we decide who we hate and who we love, instead of always placing our equality as living beings above all other forms of segregation, which is mind created.
I also spoke self forgiveness for having actually used and abused myself when it comes to using a memory, a ‘ghost’ essentially to trigger an unnatural experience in my ‘physical-moment’ of being just here and suddenly going into this shift as an alternate reality of a sudden yearning, a curiosity, a ‘cherishing the past’ attitude that I took as normal without realizing that in going to the past in those seemingly ‘fleeting moments,’ I have kept reactivating the whole ‘me’ of the past, as the one personality with all its various memories and networks within me linked toward that particular person/situation/event whenever I would allow this ‘ghost’ to emerge within me.
I realized that the reason why I wasn’t letting go is because it is those first relationships that you establish that have the most energy, the ones that we get the most obsessed about or give the most attention to, which is why we go endlessly seeking over and over again that ‘first high’ – this is what I suspect heroin addicts seek forevermore after their first shot and they cannot get it ever again, because it is unlikely that the body can experience such dramatic change of state again. And so addicts try and increase the dose, but it won’t ever be ‘the same.’ It’s the perfect trap when it comes to enslaving ourselves to memories attached with such ‘high experience’ you see: we keep chasing energy, we keep chasing ghosts in our own minds that no one can see but still we allow those ghosts to come up and absolutely define ‘who we are’ in one moment.
So this is a point of awareness to truly be here as breath and not allow the same memory/matrix point to lock-me down into the same thinking patterns, which at times it’s as if they were ‘there’ in the air in a particular place and one would go ‘picking it up’ as one walks through such path – just as one walks the street for example.
All that is Here is myself, it’s who we are, and I could only ‘react’ to it if I had formed a special bond/relationship to it through energy. Energy – for all practical purposes – is a mental experience, it implies separation and as such it makes perfect sense to remind me about this aspect of the points of separation that I create through holding on to the specialness in those ghosts from the past, a perceived importance, added care and interest to a part of me that I developed a particular relationship to.
Here another reminder is that no matter how ‘subtle’ this is, whenever I perceive this ‘ghost of the past’ as something that ‘defined me’ and as such is special because ‘it changed my life’ etc. it indicates a speculative relationship toward that something/someone: it’s energy, it’s my mind, it’s memories, it’s invisible, it’s a ghost and I have to stop haunting myself with them.
How I’ve seen these emerge is as if in my mind there were like these various hooks that containing some of the most ‘attached’ type of experiences and relationships formed in my past, so it is like a broken record seeking to be flipped for another play. It is also quite laughable to what extent we have given up our ability to remain focused here on reality because of having followed these ‘ghosts’ in our minds, giving up our attention to us being here, breathing and suddenly whoop! Going up there in the mind, following these flimsy little things that we already know where it lead us and that tend to constantly emerge in the moments where the actual opportunity to be fully here, physically exist. They come up, ‘innocently’ and the moment we get into the web we get caught – so it’s up to us to decide how far down the rabbit hole we go or if we can absolutely prevent even getting ‘curious’ to fall for the same hole that we already know leads us nowhere in fact.
If anything, it is great to observe these memories, to really look at the experience triggered and sometimes it is as if ‘revealing the name of the game’ as the name of the energy would already break part of the spell, because it is in our inability to discern the ‘hold’ that such memory has upon us that breaks the ‘spell’ so to speak.
So instead of going into an experience of being unable to identify the experience we’ve linked to the memory (of a person, of an event) and perceiving that one ‘can’t name it’ but we ‘like it’ so ‘we keep going and go for it’ – it is to realize that I/we have to stop playing naïve when it comes to what we dive into and/or indulge into in our minds. And yes, it’s mostly always about memories, memories, memories – the ‘reminders’ of who we are supposed to be, act like, fear, like, dislike, desire, etc. There is always a way to find out the energy in a memory as in defining what makes us feel good or terribly bad as the most extreme points of fear and desire, like or dislike, these relationships of separation through energy as positive or negative experiences that we create in order to define us, to continue limiting us – but never realizing that by de-fining/delimiting and identifying us with a ‘few aspects’ we’re already building up our personality cage from which we then seek to interact with ‘similar cages’ and avoid ‘different cages.’
This is how we come to create a caged world divided by words, experiences, misunderstandings, offenses and past broken relationships. It’s even funny how we’ve learned to ‘get over’ with some past love or relationship with an individual by then going to the opposite type of relationships such as going from ‘love’ to ‘hate’ and so proceeding to ditch them, taking them in our minds to the opposite side. In this we recreate the exact same relationship to them, it remains in place because all we did was changing the ‘charge’ or the definition ‘tag’ of the relationship build up – in this case moving it from love to hate, but our personalized relationship to that one person/event/thing is still the same: based on energetic experiences that only we can define because: they only exist in our mind.
I still very much ponder how come we haven’t declared mental insanity around the globe so that we can create a genuine ‘state of emergency’– along with our regular duties and responsibilities – make it mandatory for our common wellbeing to work on our mental stability, health and support ourselves to go through it, as that is the key to genuine peace and solidarity on Earth, to learn to ‘love our neighbor as ourselves.’
So the conclusion is that I cannot keep going fueling these mosquitos from the past, these buzzing little things that can become our sole point of attention if we get to be obsessed with ‘finding more’ into them, instead of seeing them for what they are: ghosts, reminiscences of what once was and it has in fact nothing to do with who the person or situation really is or was in fact, as all that we remember is OUR EXPERIENCE about the situation/person, and that’s always self-created, that’s our own ghost-factory creation, and in this we only continue dividing and conquering each other by illusions.
So, hereby I commit myself to stop fueling any tiny thought or memory that leads to an experience about the person/event/ghost of the past and realize and so in those moments realize I can instead fully breathe and realize, I am here and I continue walking and enjoying the moment for what it is.
I realize that we only want to ‘make more’ of our moments as an experience in our minds, and it is the simplicity of breathing here what we perceive ‘lacks’ something, like insipid food that lacks salt and the salt being the energy. We don’t need those ‘extra flavors’ as the flavor comes and goes, it’s only perceived for a few moments on our taste buds and then what really matters is the actual nutrients that we are ingesting and how it will support proper development of our physical bodies – that’s the real type of nutrition then we also have to seek in personal relationships too: not going for ‘taste,’ but rather working on the actual nutrients that we all have and can develop further in each other as we work and live together.
My declaration of Living Principles:
22. The realization that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all
Suggested Supportive Interview:
When Words are the Looking Glass to Ourselves – Reptilians – Part 203
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398. The Act of Killing: Humanity’s Self-Reflection
We are all Anwar
No one really likes to recognize one’s own evil. We live in a mass hypnosis state where we have accepted things like poverty and war as ‘norms’ and ‘the way the world works’ without considering a possibility to change. We often blame a particular establishment, government, tyrant, economics, politics, culture and media for the continuation of the atrocities without a change in this world. What we tend to usually forget is that before any secret societies or secret cabals taking control of how the world works, there is and was only ourselves, human beings as the creators of all of the above and everything that we can possibly complain about as the ‘evils of the world.’
Fascinatingly enough what we have done is make of our evil something separate of ourselves that we tend to fetishize and fictionalize in, for example, Hollywood movies that glorify wars, mafias, creating the notion of super heroes that can suddenly overcome such evil but then even that idea of the good vs. evil and ‘the good side’ being triumphant is no longer something that is credible in this world. We haven’t really pondered what it takes to create this notion of ‘victory’ and how victory is actually defined by those that win, those that (w)right hi-story, their story to then present an act of killing as something that is glorifying, righteously defending ‘The Act of Killing’ as a justified means to ‘win’ a battle.
We would have to also ask ourselves if we have also come to admire villains for their ‘cunning ways’ to get things done their way. But when it comes to understanding Why we actually harm each other, and How we have come to make of such harm and abuse part of who we are in fact and the ways we justify it is, we don’t go far enough; we often only stick to ‘presenting the show’ which is what sells, what the entire Hollywood industry is founded upon – which is what we do within ourselves too: we see others as the problem, the ‘evil ones’ instead of being willing to look deep inside of ourselves and acknowledge the same problem exists within each one of us too.
Stepping aside from the massive Hollywood propaganda for films that instead of informing or supporting people to see ways in which we have to take responsibility and implement solutions in this world, there is also another type of film that makes us all question everything we have made ‘acceptable’ as a form of enter-tamement/ entertainment such as the voyeuristic ability to watch violence, abuse, harm and murder as part of ‘what happens in the movies’ and eventually, even coming to inspire real life murderers and crimes. Which one came first? One would ask. Yes, it is rather obvious by now that we haven’t evolved as species when we still rejoice in watching battles and wars with all the gore and perceive that as entertainment – gladiators at the coliseum 2.0 – which is also at the same time used as a way to create a normalcy in the act of killing, of murdering, torturing, abusing and have an entire political connotation to it which is what consecrates it at the eyes of world history.
The Act of Killing is as surreal as anyone like André Breton probably could have imagined surrealism to be defined by and it is probably the first time that watching a film can feel like a movie, only to remind myself that it is in fact a Documentary: a real life presentation where there are several production processes as attempts to recreate and mystify the massive killings in Indonesia in the 60’s and how nonchalantly the perpetrators of such killings decide to represent what they did as part of what they believe is an honorable duty they were a part of – or should we say were told they were doing as an honorable thing – showing the massive propaganda machine that must exist as a constant reinforcement to convince us to do something, to actually kill and torture and commit the most hideous crimes and believe this is something in the name of national defense, honor, respect – sounds familiar? Only every single time that any form of conflict between human beings or two factions leading to war is justified.
What would happen if we were able to stand as observers of our own mistakes, crimes, abuse toward ourselves and others? The Act of Killing by Joshua Oppenheimer is remarkable in the sense that he has produced a documentary here the film in itself becomes the platform for the perpetrators to direct their own vision, their own accounts of the killings and re-enact – in their own ‘influences and vision’ – their hideous crimes that they choose to not define as such, because to their eyes they did ‘the right thing’ and as such ‘winners get to choose what ‘war crimes’ are, which is also part of the fabricated truths and creeds that we use to keep ourselves always on the ‘winning score,’ even if it means making of the killings of thousands – or even millions – of people an act of honor, a ‘need,’ a ‘right thing to do’ and forgetting completely about who and what they are in fact doing which is killing another living human being, an equal to themselves.
Witnessing the self-revelation that comes to the protagonists of this documentary specifically when taking the role of their victim opens up a possibility to realize what they have really in fact done, what they have put others through and witnessing a genuine moment of having the killers place themselves in the shoes of the ones they tortured and killed: perhaps an opportunity to forgive themselves for what they have done.
I watched the documentary twice and when I was in the movies I had a knot in my throat specially when realizing how disconnected we have been to everything we watch in a film, especially killings, what it means to kill, how killing is justified but what is more astounding is the actual potential for self-evaluation of such acts as something that is certainly unacceptable in contradiction to how these killers were just told to be and do.
Second time that I watched it was one week ago and I ended up tweeting: we are all in fact Anwar because I could see that we rejoice in blaming people and seeing everyone else as ‘the evil ones’ and we haven’t yet recognized we are all in fact the abusers in this world that allow not only the act of killing but any form of evil as the reverse of life to become our self-religion: what is money in this world but the way to deny life to another if so we decide to do so through ‘laws’ and politics, economic plans and further excuses like races, nations, colors to just not see and realize each other as equals? Who we are if not exterminators in this reality when thousands of species are dying every single day for our sheer presence in this world? Do we ever place ourselves in the shoes of the air, the water, the animals, every single part of this world that we constantly abuse, kill and deplete every single day in the name of ‘our progress’ or our ‘victories’?
If anything this documentary allows us to step back and not only get to see first hand the mentality that has to be fabricated to ‘create a killer’ but to also take the point back at self when attempting to blame anyone for this, or see ‘Anwar’ and the rest of the killers as ‘the bad guys.’ I realize that everything that we’ve seen as this abject consequence of our self-abuse is our responsibility and as such I have nothing but gratitude for having the opportunity to watch this film and be able to cry like a baby at the end in Anwar’s vomiting scene, because I’ve also felt disgusted, sad and angry at myself for what we have done to this world and each other and so it was revealing being able to witness another human being going through that.
Even if I haven’t killed a human being in this lifetime, I am equally responsible for every single form of abuse that exists here, as we recognize we are all in fact one and equal – that’s our current Oneness and Equality – and there’s no way to escape this and this is one of the reasons why I am so committed to my process of self-change and self-responsibility, mostly to be able to shout out to the four winds : WE DID IT TO OURSELVES! LET’S STOP BLAMING FOR EARTH’S SAKE and instead FOCUS ON CHANGING OURSELVES to Prevent crimes and CREATE SOLUTIONS!
So, once we watch this cathartic process that this documentary The Act of Killing represents to every one of us as human beings, we can begin to Forgive ourselves for every single crime, abuse and atrocity we have perpetuated in the name of power, in the name of money, in the name of a god or a belief because we have all done this, then be willing to roll our sleeves up and focus on getting ourselves straight by first and foremost stopping the self-abuse within us because ‘wars’ and governments taking over and secret societies ruling millions of people is nothing else but the outflow of our own abdication of Self-Responsibility to oneself and one another. I say till here no further, we cannot go sponsoring death and destruction one more day in this world beginning the abuse at a thought and individual level we commit each day.
I stand up for Life in Equality and Self-Responsibility for the Crimes we have all committed against Life – AND please: do yourself a favor and watch this documentary, you can’t miss it.
Watch the Live Google Hangout where further details and explanations behind the documentary ‘The Act of Killing’ will be shared, along with the refreshing sense of Self-Responsibility that we have to what this documentary so vividly exposes to us.
Thanks to Joshua Oppenheimer for being such a kick ass film maker and creating this masterpiece that should be shown all over the world to become more aware of the most essential form of abuse we all commit in one way or another: the act of killing.
Investigate who we are as a group of people committed to take responsibility and prevent further abuse in this world:
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