Category Archives: karmic lessons

383. To Forget to Self-Forgive

First Cousin Once Removed Preview (HBO Documentary Films) (2012) by Alan Berliner

Remember to Forget’ were the words chosen by a poet with Alzheimer as his last statement to the potential million viewers of the documentary ‘First cousin once removed’ by Alan Berliner, which depicts his life in his last months of living with this mental condition, and it is interesting that the words ‘For-Get’ and ‘For-Give’ can be a bit similar, but there’s a world of difference between both, where the act of merely ‘wanting to forget’ can lead us to experience something like Alzheimer, in an attempt to let go of the memories, the identity, the past, the load of experiences with which we created and inflicted the most trauma/harm/abuse within ourselves, and so wanting to forget as a way to ‘cope with the past,’ and that’s how such forced ‘eraser’ move in the mind can lead to this memory-loss problem.

 

I enjoyed this documentary, it’s very well made and I recommend it to see first hand what Alzheimer is like, and the reasons that usually lead to it, along with the genetic disposition that can exist – which as we now understand how the memories of those that have gone before us are integrated within/as ourselves as the mind in the womb, as the information we have ‘pre-loaded’ within us as the ‘sins of the fathers’ – then it makes sense that Alzheimer can ‘run in the family’ as a trait developed to want to forget about one’s deeds, one’s traumatic past, one’s wrong-doings and essentially take the forced road to a ‘way out’ of it all, a way to not face one’s inner demons.

 

The documentary could’ve had a subtitle – in the words of the film’s director – a Poets’ Alzheimer, since the documentary is about the ‘first cousin once removed’ from the director of this film who happened to be a poet, a writer, a translator, a man of ‘great achievements’ only to get to the last days of his life forgetting about it all, and it for sure brings us back to this point of our Journey To Life and the route to Nothingness. Edwin Honig – the protagonist of this documentary – gets to such ‘nothingness’ though not in a self-aware and self-directive manner to it and this is what I’d like to discuss here because it doesn’t make sense to get to this point of ‘Nothingness’ as in remembering – apparently – nothing through simply deciding to block the memory, to forget.

 

The things that Edwin could vividly recall – at times, when it seemed he wasn’t unconsciously deliberately ‘wanting to forget’ – were traumatic moments in his life: being blamed for his brother’s death when he was a child, having been to the army and shooting others, and maybe some family member he was fond of, but that was it. He is shown recordings with traces of the achievements throughout his life explained by himself at an earlier stage in his life, all his books, his poems, his translations of some ‘great writers,’ and so forth, and it was quite amusing to see how he would watch these recordings of himself explaining all his studies, his achievements and saying something in the lines of ‘He’s trying too hard to be someone’ and so yes, this is most of the things we put all our time and effort to, to build up the idea of ‘who we are’ as our mind, our ego – not realizing that life is not memories and how when one has no more memories to ‘hold on to’ then all of these lifetime achievements are reduced to nothing but pretentious additions we identify ourselves as, which can be later on absolutely forgotten and ultimately end up at death. Edwin had kept journals on a daily basis for over 50 years, so he also tried too hard to remember, only to end up forgetting it all. It seems like an ‘overload’ of too many memories, too many things he wanted to keep but eventually forget that he ended up ‘forgetting it all.’

 

I liked the fact that at some point, due to being asked many questions by the documentary maker (his cousin) he would just ask him to be forgotten, to not exist for some days, weeks, months and so in a way it could be him realizing that he was just telling his-story, the tale we all become as a bunch of memories we then believe is ‘all we are’ which is absolutely limited. We have reduced ourselves to become a curriculum, a data base with memories, experiences, feelings, the ideas we believe others have about ourselves, the feelings and constructs we impose onto reality, our entire ego that we accumulate throughout time, and how when we eventually ‘want to forget’ due to the emotional load that it creates within us, maybe that’s when Alzheimer emerges as an absolute ‘shutdown’ of these memories, which I interpret as a decision to Not Forgive, but Only Forget.

 

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Alzheimer seems to be the result of Forgetting to Forgive, but not only ‘Forgive’ in itself, but to Self-Forgive. It’s interesting that Edwin hadn’t been such a good father after all and how his ‘children’ – now grown up males – hold a grudge against him due to what he would do to them, which they interpreted as abusive, as him being an a*hole. And so, Edwin could not remember at all that he had children/sons, and even when the time comes for one of them to visit him, he shows exhaustion, maybe because memories would come back and so the load of remorse, guilt, the entire emotional experience created throughout time could come back, and so he’s left alone. Alzheimer seems to be a way to evade reality, to evade looking at one’s demons and learning how to self-forgive ourselves for it all, a way to escape from facing self-responsibility and as such wanting to ‘put memories down’ not realizing that the level and extent to which we are tied to as our memories and our mind cannot be ‘shut down’ or these ‘side effects’ emerge.

 

This is also another way to see how without walking this process of Self-Forgiveness to learn how to recognize our thoughts, words and deeds that could have caused ourselves inner-conflicts and struggles that we eventually lashed out onto others, affecting them and learn how to self-forgive ourselves for it all, bit by bit, word by word, and we only try and ‘forget it all’ causes an illness, because one is attempting to ‘get rid’ of the memories instead of actually understanding how we created such problems, how we participated in them, why, why did we allow it to become an emotional burden, who did we affect with our deeds too, what do we feel incapable of forgiving ourselves for that we instead choose to simply evade and ‘forget’?

 

And if we were able to remember who we have been from the beginning of our existence, we would have all gone through the same ‘deletion’ process as Alzheimer to go back to ‘ignorance is bliss’ mode, which is in fact what we do whenever we attempt to forget our past, our history and recreate the same abuse and harm because we don’t want to remember and take responsibility for our lives, our world as our creation and change the patterns for once and for all.

 

It’s interesting that one documentary that shows the actual nature of the memories left in a person with Alzheimer can shed more light than any scientific study attempting to understand the origin of it, which once again is also confirming what has been explained at Desteni in relation to Alzheimer Syndrome which I suggest to anyone to investigate and get rid of these ‘enigmas’ that still exist in humanity, while it’s already been 7 years of having the opportunity to learn about the totality of who we are as human beings, as preprogrammed mind consciousness systems that can create a short-circuit process in order to not have to confront one’s own inner demons all the time, creating things like Alzheimer or the usual anxiety, fears, phobias and general stress that we impose onto our physical body every time we are ‘living’-through-the-mind.

 

An aspect I enjoyed is seeing how Edwin only expressed appreciation for the expression of a child – the director’s son – because he was a child, expressing himself with music, in the moment, not questioning him about ‘who he was’ or who he could remember, but just being in the moment, which is also another point to consider about this ‘nothingness’ that we can all exist as, as a self-created result of learning how to self-forgive, to correct, to let go within self-responsibility and full awareness of choosing to be living in the moment – which is different from this form of Alzheimer’s ‘living in the moment’ as an accidental result of wanting to evade one’s memory, which is why in this case someone that doesn’t represent a ‘threat’ to one’s self-definition can become someone we enjoy too.

 

 

This documentary should also support with the realization that who we are and who we define ourselves to be is nothing else but a collection of memories and experiences that we build up as ‘who we are’ and we indeed put so much ‘effort’ onto it, without realizing that it is only the ‘who we are in the mind’ that we are valuing and accumulating as knowledge and information, while we forget about the words that we can live and become as an essence of ourselves – not the titles, not the money, not the recognition, not the studies, not the professions or definitions that others can give onto us – but the words we decide to live in full self-awareness. Just as the point we hear a lot about in Desteni on ‘stopping the mind,’ it doesn’t mean: forget about who you were and be ‘living in the here now moment’ absolutely oblivious of everything, as if one could simply ‘turn the page’ and have a blank one without any consequence. So if anything, this film depicts the consequences of not being able to cope with our mind, our memories, an entire life of wanting to ‘cherish all memories’ and the outcome when you realize the fiction you’ve become as a character and eventually just want to throw the character out of the window and remain as the flesh and bones we are… that’s what creates the consequence as a forced de-egofication process.

I am able to relate to the idea of wanting to cherish every moment as the ‘old me’ that was on my way to do that all the time, and having that mentality of wanting to be a writer someday that could use those memories to create more fictional characters through which I could live through as well, and I’m glad I stopped myself, which to myself as my ego it was the same as some form of egocide, because stopping ‘cherishing memories’ – even with the compulsion I had to be taking pictures all the time – I was on my way to fill memory cards and entire notebooks of my own personalities with no direction – which is also the type of writing I was doing before this process, using art as just another way to convolute the perception of who we are as human beings: point-less, self-referenced, self-interested beings seeking this something to ‘fill in the void’ with and ending up in some kind of nonsense with a life wasted in this perpetual ‘search’ which I now see that we all as human beings have, nothing else but the gloom created as the result of separating ourselves from who we really are as life, as the substance that unites us all as one and equal.

 

Today we discussed about this existential anguish in relation to ‘losing all hope to humanity’ not realizing that I was maybe on my way to creating yet another ‘disorder’ to simply evade facing reality – which we all do one way or another by creating any form of emotion or feeling to make the whole thing turn into a ‘me-myself-I’ experience rather than taking responsibility for the problems we create in our lives and this world and turn it only into a ‘concern’ – and how if I hadn’t discovered Desteni and the ability to Self-Forgive, I would have probably continued down the spiraling road of using art as a way to express this absolute ‘lostness’ that I experienced for great part of my life up to 6 years ago when everything started making sense.

 

All I can say is that it is quite a relief to no longer be drilling my mind with the usual existential-queries and ‘enigmas’ that used to also occupy my-time here, thinking about time, and death, and memories, and identity, and fictional characters, and this life as a dream and so forth… all of which has existed as part of our philosophy with no concrete realization to simply see the direct reality of it all: we have used our mind to divert our attention from reality, from the actual consequences and physical existence that we tend to cloud or ‘paint with other colors’ through thinking about reality, through ‘feeling’ or ‘becoming emotional’ about it and pondering these energetic flicks as ‘more’ than what life really is.

 

After the film ended, Alan Berliner had a Q&A session with the audience, and he ended up saying that ‘Memories are the glue to life’ and I couldn’t disagree more as this mentality is what has kept us since the beginning of our existence as human beings tied to a past that we then ‘choose to forget’ proving that we haven’t moved an iota from the very initial problems we were programmed with, just because we have accepted our mind to be ‘who we really are,’ forgetting or not even being aware of what Life really is, which is not and will never be knowledge and information, and memories. Just like in all our devices – memories are nothing but part of the system that enables us to function as clusters of space and time in a disk drive that sometimes gets full and overloaded and requires some ‘rebooting’ because there’s just ‘too much to info to handle,’ and that’s also what Alzheimer seems like.

 

Memories cannot be the ‘glue of life’ as they are only invisible bits of information we believe is who we are. Life doesn’t require a glue, life is not divided, life is all that is already here that we have separated ourselves from in every moment that we define ourselves as a picture, as an emotion, a thought, a feeling, a memory, all of it part of the masks that we craft and can end up driving us crazy if we continue to overlook the reality and simplicity of who we are here as breathing flesh and bones physical beings that have to now use our memory practically and constructively, to go self-forgiving each thought, word and deed that we’ve acted upon and created in order to ‘forget about who we are’ and as such, not take responsibility for who we are and have become. Look at this world, read the news, talk with people on the streets, look within yourself in your mind and see how this world is our reflection.

 

Learning how to Self-Forgive is the greatest gift one can give to oneself if one does not want to end up driving oneself absolutely insane, or mentally kaput for not having the courage to stand in the face of ourselves, of our past no matter how ‘bad it may seem or how ‘overwhelming’ the consequences of it already are, there is no other way but to stand up for it and face it. Self-Honesty takes Courage and that’s something one has to develop in order to not end up mentally ill due to wanting to forget. My suggestion is to then do this: learn how to Self-Forgive, Remember to Self-Forgive instead of compounding the inner turmoil and the cowardice to recognize who we are and have become, not only as individuals, but as humanity – and so, whenever we see ourselves feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, overwhelmed by our past, our memories, our mind, it is that moment where instead of remaining in the victimization of the experience: we stand up, take a deep breath and decide to self-forgive the experience, the memory, the thought, the deeds and correct ourselves in the moment in the realization that no one did this to us but ourselves, and no one will ‘forgive us’ as there is no God, but ourselves, our own creators.

 

The one last mercy we can give to ourselves is Self Forgiveness, let’s use it and become physical living breathing beings that can stop pondering too much about what life, death, a thought or memories are and rather learn how to live in every moment of breath directing our lives to be and become an example of what we all know we can be when correcting all the mess of the past to stand as self-directive and self-honest individuals, always considering what is best for self and all as equals: no memory required but only as a remembrance of a past to never repeat again.

 

To learn more about Desteni’s perspective on Alzheimer and Memories:

 

To stop being defined only as a memory chip of emotions and feelings:

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370. Desteni Insider: God, Spirituality, the Afterlife

 

Coming to the realization that who we are in this world is not working to create a better world made me seek answers to try and make sense/justify the suffering, poverty, wars, corruption, a lack of consideration to one another that I used as an excuse to remain only within a persistent process of questioning reality beyond what one is taught in school. I grew up being influenced by the ideas of there being ‘Life after Death’ and the dead coming through channelers or mediums to tell their ‘loved ones’ how they were alright and how everything was going to be ‘just fine’ for them. But also there were messages coming from a form of ‘brotherhood’ from which myself and my family would be getting all sorts of apparent protections and blessings in order to ‘do well’ in our lives. I kept questioning who exactly these individuals were and why in spite of them seeing the people that were seeking for help – being mostly desperately seeking money – was there no divine intervention to support them and end the suffering, end world hunger or even better: establish Heaven on Earth. All that was shared between these spiritual people were nice messages that gave hope and reinforced any kind of faith that would keep everyone waiting and expecting things turning out to their favor as a sign that this ‘god’ or ‘spiritual beings’ actually existed and were in fact on our side,  taking care of ourselves and solving whichever mundane troubled situation we were stuck in. Yet all of this seemed too staged, too dogmatic since it wasn’t something one could openly discuss due to the entire atmosphere of secrecy and reverence that existed whenever these beings would speak through the channelers/mediums that could only speak for a short period of time.

 

I was then familiar with the existence of a heaven or a spiritual realm beyond the Earth plane where the dead would go, yet we never got any answers as to why the world was in the verge of destruction and why us human beings kept existing in these ‘lessons to be learned’ somehow always yearning for a better living condition (translated to having money to live well and in peace) – these and many other questions were not allowed, it seemed that all that really mattered were our personal queries of any form of personal relationship gone wrong, or money problem which, if resolved, would only confirm our trust on these individuals within the belief that somehow we were being ‘chosen ones’ or ‘special’ for having this kind of contacts. It seemed unfair to me since I knew that everyone in the world could benefit the same way we were – apparently – yet others didn’t seem to agree since I had to keep it a secret throughout my entire life.

 

When watching Sunette Spies as a portal in the Desteni videos that were being broadcasted on YouTube since 2007, the in breath and out breath wasn’t anything unusual or weird to me, I instead thought I knew what was going on: I immediately assumed and believed she was a channeler/ a medium like any of the other beings I had witnessed throughout my life – yet there were significant changes that made me ponder ‘what kind of brotherhood/beings were these’ because the message somehow was quite straight, direct, there were no staged words or fancy presentations charged with the usual key words that the other beings I had witnessed before would express themselves with.  I started questioning more and comparing the Desteni Message to what I had heard before from what I believed were the same kind of beings: how come these beings speaking through Sunette were speaking as any regular person? How come they would be speaking about there being No God and reptilian beings having created the human being? Why were they not just leaving with some message of hope and ‘goodness’ rectifying that god is with us? Instead the reptilian point was opened which wasn’t any longer a mystery to me since I had also done a brief investigation on the subject prior to Desteni. Everything I thought I knew about channelers/mediums was debunked when I got to watch the video and read the articles related to channeling (Kryon – Pre-programmed Channels, Questions and Perspectives: Unconscious Mind Pre-programmed Channels, Questions and Perspectives: Continued pre-programmed Channels , Questions and Perspectives: Oneness and Equality with regards to ‘Channelings’ , Questions and Perspectives: How was psychics and channels controlled and why? , 2007 History of Mankind – Part 16 – Anu’s Plan – YouTube) explaining why it was also part of the program and why all forms of ‘light beings’ were part of the deception on Earth to keep individuals trapped in the belief that somehow, there was a benevolent god, that love was the way and that we only had to continue aspiring to have some manifestation of the divine through thinking positive or asking things to the universe. All of this was the real scam and later on understood as the cult of money that it has become nowadays (Read: Day 450: The Power of Now Illuminated)

 

So continuing with the previous post 369. Desteni: An Insider’s Report what I came to realize is that everything was in fact a preprogrammed and predesigned reality construct that we have been living in wherein even the higher beings, the gods, the ‘supreme energies’ that I had placed any form of belief upon were in fact also part of the reality design that we have all been participating in within our minds and in absolute separation of the reality that was certainly existing in complete dissonance to all the benevolent words we would get within the New Age culture – all of this was perfectly schemed as part of the diversion to never get to question ‘God’s creation’ and the beliefs we have acquired through familial and cultural tradition, all being part of the necessary programs that we have within and existing as Mind Consciousness Systems. This is when the point of enslavement was understood. I grasped how perfect the plan had been wherein everything in this world was in reverse and every single aspect of who we have believed ourselves to be as human beings in terms of the spiritual endeavors, seeking gods, bonding ourselves within religions, seeking eternal life, seeking the philosopher’s stone had been nothing else but a nice game that we blindly followed, never ever questioning why is it that we only sought our personal enlightenment, happiness and comfort? Why were we just expecting some god to do the work for us, or have these ‘special connections with a higher force’ while the rest of the world was submerged in suffering and agony due to lacking the necessary means to live which is the same as: lacking sufficient money to live; furthermore, why were all of these people suffering absolutely unaware that there were apparently some spiritual beings that could grant them healings and protect them from ‘all evils’ – apparently. This all made sense to understand how the vilest form of enslavement had to have a very agreeable and sugar coated image in order to be unquestioned and undoubtedly accepted as ‘truth,’ how our constant need to ‘seek god’ was just fearing to realize we are here alone and responsible for every single aspect that has gone wrong in this world, how the enslavement of humanity had been part of a ‘greater process’ by a few individuals that wanted to ‘be Gods’ in existence – it was all revealed to be a sick cosmic joke that we have all been a part of, life after life.

 

As I went through the material, I committed myself to remain skeptical about that which sounded the most fantasy like to me, simply because I could not witness myself the ‘other side’ or ‘the afterlife’/heaven  yet, once again the consistency of the message from the hundreds of beings from all walks in existence speaking through the portal lead me to realize that the final message was quite clear, consistent and made absolute sense as to why this portal had opened and why we they were calling out humanity to walk a process of Self-Honesty. I understood then how all the New Age agenda, the spirituality movement, the promoted ways for ‘peace of mind’ through meditation and seeking to align your chakras to be in resonance with god had been nothing else but a self-interest brainwashing that I had briefly participated in within an attempt to make my life less ‘miserable’ or as I experienced it to be miserable in my existential woes and ever present form of depression. After understanding religion, love, spirituality, channelings as a pillar and essential part to this enslavement of ourselves in our minds, I was ready to leave that all behind and instead begin walking a very different path that I never ever thought I would place myself in: letting go of the idea of god, of spirituality, of something or someone greater than me in order to get to know me as a creator in this reality.

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What I came to realize was that we were truly all alone as human beings, we are the direct creators of the reality that I was wanting to escape from or completely eradicate or disguise with some ulterior beliefs about a genuine spiritual realm that we could somehow rely to in order to be supported or saved in worst case scenarios by invisible beings or forced of the ‘goodness’ that I thought existed beyond the Earth plane, little did I know it was exactly the opposite that this reality existed as.

These realizations led me to understand how I had veered my life to seek answers and make someone else responsible for the mess on Earth due to the fear that I had about who we are and what we have become as the real perpetrators of our crime scene: the world-system imposed on the Earth. This was what partly caused the emotional breakdown that I had to go through in order to be willing to see beyond what I had initially sought to find at Desteni which was just ‘more of the same confirmations about the goodness in existence’ I was wrong. For the first time I had a crystal clear understanding that if we don’t stop deluding ourselves in spirituality, religions, gods, masters, etc. we will continue to abuse and eventually destroy ourselves if we don’t stop.

I went from being a profuse reader of religions, philosophies and watching all kinds of conspiracy theories videos to a more down to earth verifiable investigation of the state of the world; while being subscribed to the DesteniProductions YouTube Channel (2007-2011) we would regularly get all kinds of documentaries and videos that would expose the reality of this world: poverty, crimes against life, corruption in the political world, the destruction of nature, the abuse of the animal kingdom, the conspiracy theory that our economy and monetary systems are, the madness of the human mind, including spiritual messages that were now clearly understood as a genuine scam to divert the human’s attention from the real problems we had provoked in this world. I was taken aback due to the realization that I had mostly avoided watching the full graphic reality that takes place every single day in this world – It made me angry and sad at the same time, going into a depression upon realizing to what extent we have all been too focused on our personal endeavors to get all kinds of gifts from the universe, attract all the money, health and all the ‘good stuff’’ in our lives, aiming at living a happy fulfilled life without ever really wanting to understand how such nice life was in fact being manufactured/produced/created by every individual that is existing in a slave position that earns the daily bread through creating our personal heavens, the real and actual forced labor that exists in this world happens when having no money means: you die.

The sensitivity that I claimed to have toward the world, the usual depression that I would allow myself to be in whenever I would go out in the streets and witnessed the misery, the ‘soft violence’ and constant fear that we all existed in became slowly but surely debunked as the mechanism to protect myself from actually understanding my responsibility within the creation of the problem in this world. I came to understand that my sadness, my depression, my ‘wanting to end it all’ was another form of manipulation to not take responsibility for myself and this world –the constant belittling believing myself to be ‘too little’ to make a change in this world was exposed as a personality trait that had lead me to stand in the background, to choose seeking to create images and pictures that ‘made me feel good’ in an attempt to seek something of ‘real value,’ something ‘greater’ and meaningful to do the work for me, to protect me, to give me some comfort and happiness while pretending that I could ignore the harsh and crude reality that exists for every individual that somehow we have all collectively decided do not deserve to have a dignified living, and yes I realized I am part of the clan as a human being that have accepted and allowed this without a question throughout ages. I understood my self interest to only have a ‘good time’ in this life and be ‘against the system’ while seeking some higher connection with the spiritual realm that I believed was ‘what was real’ – I was wrong, I was absolutely blind.

 

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What became clear was that such ‘nasty thing’ that I had avoided to talk about and pretended to ignore was suddenly understood as the ‘real god’ of this reality: money and this was the simple message that I could clearly reference within my world due to having been keen on politics and sociology before my ‘spirituality’ phase that I had resorted to due to having been too disillusioned of the political and economic world that going to the opposite side was just another shot at ‘making it’ in this life. I had to go back to reviewing the facts of this reality, the same one that is here the moment we go out from the comfort of our homes and the money we have in our wallets – I realized it wasn’t ‘god’ giving me this life, it was money and so my spirituality trip came to an end within the realization that everything I had participated in was a feel-good story for me-myself and I in the mind and that it had made no difference whatsoever to the genuine struggle that the world is sinking in and is continuing to sink in, in spite of this also having been foretold by the various beings through the Desteni portal in 2007 . Five years later and humanity is still opting to hear the feel good fluff rather than walking through a process of self-investigation to see ‘who am I’ within this world, what is my responsibility within this and  how can I practically contribute to stop the madness in here in order to establish the constant and consistent message that Desteni presents and represents: Life in Equality.

 

I started shedding away the beliefs I had held till then since I understood it was only a mindjob in order to justify the worst crimes in our reality, including the monetary system as a belief system, the idea of self as a self-religion and the seeking of my personal desires as a self-interest life path that was contributing to the enslavement of the many and the ignorance that exudes from every corner of this world wherein we are so used to buying and consuming happiness and avoid anything that makes us re-consider who we are, what we’ve done and become and what we are here for.

 

Slowly but surely I made the decision to become an advocate of the rather ‘harsh’ side of reality in an attempt to provide sufficient evidence and personal realizations for all spiritual and religious devotees to hear about such as there being no god, we’re It and there’s nothing and no one coming to save us: we have to do it ourselves.

 

Once stripped from this individual aspect of spirituality that had lead me to voraciously read the articles on the desteni.org website and watch the videos available, I came to the conclusion that I had to obviously do something about this. It was impossible to now turn my back and pretend I didn’t just hear that, it would have been impossible for me to lie to myself any longer – so I directed myself to what was explained to be the practical process that each one of us could live by and apply: the process of Self Honesty through Writing ourselves to Freedom, Writing and Applying Self Forgiveness, Developing Common Sense and Dedicating ourselves to get to know who we are, how we came to be to begin stopping existing as a preprogrammed organic robot that gets to experience highs and lows in various personalities for all the various ‘life scenarios’ and occasions. That’s when I determined myself to be part of this process, because all of the enigmas about god, the afterlife, the creation of humanity were explained in such detail and with such consistency that the key to create and establish solutions on Earth existed in fact within our individual participation in this process – so, if this was the solution I made the decision to do it, I had to finally try these tools that they were constantly explaining and directing everyone to apply. This meant that I had to actually do the whole Process, I had to test the waters and see whether this was ‘for real’ or not – and so I committed myself to this, wanting to be ‘part of it all’ yet not really yet grasping the actual importance of this process on Earth and the changes that were to come within my world, this certainly was No longer an illusion.

SAYING THAT ‘THE WORLD IS AN ILLUSION’ IS AN ATTEMPT TO SOLVE THE PRIMORDIAL PROBLEM ON ‘WHAT IS REAL/ WHAT IS REALITY’ AND FOLLOW THE LAWS OF THE LEAST EFFORT AND ‘SEEKING/ FOLLOWING YOUR GREATEST EXCITEMENT’ TO NOT HAVE TO FACE AND CARE ABOUT THE WORLD/ REALITY WITHOUT SEEING THAT THIS WORLD/ REALITY IS AS REAL AS WE HAVE TO EAT, SHIT, DRINK AND RELATE TO OTHERS TO CONTINUE EXISTING IN IT. HOW COME THAT WE AS HUMANITY DARED OURSELVES TO SIDE-VIEW THE MOST BASIC COMMON SENSE IN THE NAME OF JOY, HAPPINESS, FAITH AND HOPE? EASY, IT’S NICE TO REJOICE IN THE MIND AND NEGLECT OUR RESPONSIBILITY WITHIN IT ALL.

This will continue…

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The blog that explains it all : Heaven’s Journey To Life

 

Related blogs/ vlogs debunking spirituality – 

A selection of my investigation through the Desteni Process

2012 Life After Death–Interdimensional Portal | Testimony

The Video Tolle Doesn’t Want YOU to See

How to Raise Your Frequency (Ask Teal Episode on Increasing Your Vibrations

Spirituality and Capitalism Make sweet love through Hicks

2011 Pretty Happiness Machines – Vlog the Hell Out of this World

2011 AbrahamHicks – You Are Perfect As You Are – Video

2012 Spirituality and Activism Won’t Change the World – YouTube

Eckhart Tolle – Nirvana Is Already Here –

The Biggest Missing Piece – Abraham Hicks –

Fears and white light beliefs

Don’t try to get rid of the ego!” – Alan Watts’ review

The Jesus Message is Not Religious –

2010 ¿Spiritual Consciousness? Where’s the MATTER? –

2012 Positive Thinking Debunked! Heaven’s Journey To Life

2012 I Used to Be a Loving Person –

2012 Religious Consumerism: God is in the TV

2011 Vatican Exposed & the Faithful Deceived –

2010 EQUALITY: The END of All Religions

2012 Doomsday Character: Sick of Humanity?

2012 Existential Woes: Stop and Know Yourself

2012 Organic Self-Indulgent Lifestyle –

11.11.11 Opening Of The Portal Of The Divine

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 1 –

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 2

The Secret History of the Universe: The Discovery of Light –

2010 Do You Want to Be ETERNAL? –

Bruce Lipton ‘ The Power Of Consciousness’ –

2008 I used to believe in a god

Law of Attraction is Based on Memory

Why isn’t Love an Illegal drug?

2012 Love is a Drug: Are YOU an Addict?

Life After God

135. ‘The Secret’ CULTivates Narcissists |

future and white light crap |

Day 11: I.O.U. Life as a Debt System of Power

Occupy LOVE: New Activist Brainwashing

2012 R.I.P. God |

2011 Desteni Portal: Objectives

Desteni y las Teorías de Conspiración

How I was able to Hear Desteni?

In Heaven Everything is Fine

 


255. Your Life has been a Lie, What is Real Then?

 

Our lives have been like a play: you’re born into the world, you never question the script, you learn your lines, you do all you can to keep yourself in the role as you grow up, maybe even try and evolve the role or ‘out do’ it, but eventually only managing to become the exact opposite of what you originally were, which is still defined by the first role you begun playing in the first place – still a controlled form of rebellion. You accept limitations without a question because there must be a director out there that is ready to fire you/ punish you if you skip a line or two, or dare to give more of a ‘freedom’ in expression to your character. You accept the menial ways in which a ‘living’ is made, you learn ‘that’s just the way it is’ and conform to that since everyone else seems to be doing ‘just fine’ with it – you comply. You sometimes reflect back at your character and believe there is inherently something wrong with you, you realize that the character is not really who you really are since there is always this ‘something’ that ‘just doesn’t seem right,’ but you see all the rest of the characters/ people playing their part without a care, they seem perfectly normal and comfortable being their personalized selves, without ever actually communicating with one another that they also felt the exact same way you do, and pondered the same questions you had, but were too afraid to speak up out of being ‘odd’ to step out of the role and question the entire play to finally stop playing in it, because fear then came in: what will we be then? Who will I be without this role?

 

“When an Answer is Given and Received, there is No Living Force that can Give and Receive – because, what has been Received is Accepted and Allowed to be the ‘Only Answer’.
What Answers have you been Given, that you Received so Completely – that you Became it? Your Religion, your
Thoughts, your Feelings, your Culture, your Economic System, Education… See the Perversion of the Message of Jesus: “Give as you would like to Receive”, has been Adapted to: “the Answer Given, is the Answer Received”. And because the Answer is Given, you’re Rewarded when you Receive it. This is the Key of the Sacred Geometry Preprogrammed Design. The Program is the Answer – all you have to do is Receive it. And when the Platonic Solids go into Equilibrium as a System, you have Received the Answer and you have Become the Answer – Complete Acceptance and Allowance.” Bernard Poolman

 

For context read Day 255: The Answer is Given and Thus Received – Secret Geometry of Consciousness and God – Part 3 – ADC – Part 102 by Bernard Poolman

 

 

One single paragraph explains the history of our civilization wherein we simply assumed, believed, perpetuated such beliefs from generation to generation as the purpose of living, the why we are here, what we came here for. And because of all of us wanting to veer toward this ‘tuning in’ with the system, we all sought to be happy and fine and peaceful and glorious without a single question, without pondering why some others had to spend their entire lifetimes physically suffering for some others to have the greatest luck of all to be born in a golden womb. We accepted the answers ‘That’s just the way it is/ that’s the way things are’ and it is inevitable to not see this as a point that could anger all of us, because we all knew it all the way and still kept going, shoving aside all the questions that would emerge every single day, we kept going in the inertia of our own preprogrammed system.  This is the same pattern we have all lived out in one way or another where you know there is something that you must stop, that you simply cannot continue doing/ living within a certain pattern/ dependency/ addiction/ habit, but still: we keep on doing it.  And what’s even more shocking is that sometimes these patterns are the most difficult ones to give up, just because of the intricate relationship with energy, the habits/ patterns that we have patterned ourselves as ‘who we are,’ which becomes then an energetic dependency that we give names as ‘our identity’ our ‘likes, dislikes, preferences’ and justify with further given-answers that the rest accepts as an actual ‘how things are’ type of thing = answer-received.

But, it is even more tricky to question everything within a system that seems to be working ‘quite well’ even within its limitations – and this ‘quite well’ is the conformity aspect, the moment we gave into ‘how things are’ with its ‘ups and downs/ trials and tribulations’ that we have accepted as our life. This is ‘How it must be’ and then we create fantastic stories about religion, or having to suffer to earn some heaven, or coming to the Earth to learn some lessons and ‘earn a living’ because somehow there is something that must always remain as an unknown secret to our existence that we then believe we have to ‘seek for’ as ‘our truth’ and in that, man, you become lost, because all you’ll find in books and from person to person is nothing but the same preprogrammed answers that were deliberately ‘left’ for people to create the very belief systems that would become religions with strong faith in ‘god’ or something greater than us directing the show, within this not questioning ‘god’s creation’ because that’s what we are here, for, that’s what we must do then and be complacent about it. 

Perfect systems of control that are sugar coated with names like ‘the purpose of life/ finding god/ becoming enlightened’ which is only tuning into the utmost form of enslavement as the perfect system that will keep on existing with the same thoughts, feelings, emotions, personality systems and relationships created in order to get oneself to be ‘the winner’ in the play no matter what, because: that’s what we apparently have to be and become, because it looks good/ feels good = must be good and positive.

Suggest also reading 2012 Wake up, Character: Life is not a Play!

 

Biggest Lie we’ve all participated in – same point as being mesmerized by the perfection of all the systematic equilibrium of a system that functions upon abuse – just like a shiny car on the outside that hides inside all the machinery and processes that would not look as ‘glamorous’ as the external surface, because we’ve been so used to only go for the picture / image of it and that’s it, not question anything further, take it as is. Same goes with nature: we spiritualize it creating this marvelous idea of how it perfectly works but forget about the actual laws that are still defining such interactions, which are pretty much the same processes of any form of consumption/ destruction that must exist in order to survive as a system. This is how life and death is happening all the time, yet we’ve come to fear death and seek to be alive by equating ‘life’/ living to all things positive. Really?

 

 

This is the Key of the Sacred Geometry Preprogrammed Design. The Program is the Answer – all you have to do is Receive it. And when the Platonic Solids go into Equilibrium as a System, you have Received the Answer and you have Become the Answer – Complete Acceptance and Allowance.”

 

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Last post I wrote about creating an experience about the ‘order and control’ we see in our reality, wherein we seek harmony, peace, joy, bliss and all the positive things that we have been Taught and accepted and allowed it is what life is all about. One can probably resonate with things like ‘the meaning of life’ and having a purpose, having a goal, ‘all I want in life is to be happy’ and it is quite a shame to realize how we have been so limited to live the way we do with everything we deem as ‘our living’ which is obviously not acceptable – yet we all accepted and allowed everything as is. I asked many questions as a child and would take most of the answers as ‘how things are,’ there would always be this sting wherein I knew that such answer was insufficient, but I stopped questioning because everyone thinks that the moment you question a lot, you’re in to become a sad and depressed person, because somehow becoming aware of how things actually work in the world is something negative – that’s why when one presents an emotional turmoil when becoming aware of every form of abuse we’ve accepted and allowed in this world, we are only victimizing ourselves about something that we have all quietly and adamantly participated in, without a question.

“When an Answer is Given and Received, there is No Living Force that can Give and Receive – because, what has been Received is Accepted and Allowed to be the ‘Only Answer’.”

 

This is why and how we have never been alive, it’s only been systems that we’ve become and played without a question, because of accepting fear as a real limitation to see behind the scenes and go backstage to reflect upon the roles, to see, realize and understand why we are putting up this show for and if it is in fact something that is best for all. None of our lives have lead to a best for all outcome, nothing in this world is currently set to support actual life, but only overcome the obstacles that we created in the first place, only mitigate the consequences that we created and inflicted upon ourselves as a limitation, as ‘who we are’ from the beginning, only create a good experience to ‘help those in need’ while we’ve been the ones that neglected the unconditional support to all in the first place.

 

See the insanity we’ve created as ‘our lives’ and how futile it is to try and patch it/ band aid it with solutions that only try and fix patterns that are embedded in the very blueprint of who we are as our mind/body and the world system that we’ve built as a supportive platform to continue our limited existence as a mind-body in survival mode and seeking self interest above any form of living principle of equality.

The Education of how the mind works is a vital first step to realize all of this, to understand that we have never in fact Lived – and how it is at the same time absolutely possible to become a living-directive being if we direct ourselves to equalize our living to a best for all living process wherein we stop, self forgive and correct all the mind-driven activity that we have embodied without a question as the answer-given / answer-received relationship that kept the current status quo of abuse and disregard in this world without a doubt.

Please study the Quantum Mind Self Awareness interviews for further context as well as any other series at Eqafe that support one equally to become aware of who we are/ what we’ve become and how to walk the correction to stop being the abusive players leading to our own self-destruction.

 

The reason why we are doing this is because it’s clear that nothing in this world is working alright for anyone, not even those that ‘have all the money’ as they too depend on money to keep their personal-heavens in place. That is not sustainable and as long as one single being is being abused/ exploited to build another’s heaven = problem and we all must take the responsibility to solve it by creating a feasible solution that will ensure that within this system, we grant each other equal access to everything we requite to live. Thus it is our living principle to stop the system from running in this zombie-mode and actually wake up to see what we have accepted and allowed as the absolute configuration of ourselves as individuals in this preprogrammed system that ensured lack and wealth for people in an arbitrary mode, all for the sake of keeping some energetic system that runs on polarity to keep its ‘perfect functioning’ without ever questioning why abuse and suffering must exist to keep this perfect-functioning running ‘smoothly’ apparently.

 

The show must end, and nature, the animal kingdom are already standing up, it is only us now that are unaware of this and must become so if we are really willing to become part of the solution to this mad show we’ve ignorantly accepted and allowed. Till here no further, because we are unaware of the hell that billions have to go through in order to ‘make it’ through this hellish place we’ve made of ‘our world,’ without counting the uncountable amount of species and Earthly resources as the substance of the physical that we are abusing to ‘run the show’ as well.  What’s Real is the physicality that we embody, the physicality we consume to keep existing and it is clear for sustainability purposes that we must consider at all times all beings as part of the equations that can ensure life in equality becomes the given-fact in our reality. What do we have to do then? Walk our individual processes to stop blindly participating in the systems of control and abuse that we have accepted and allowed as ‘how things are,’ that’s deprogramming the limitations we’ve imposed to ourselves.

 

The only way to follow through that is acceptable is implementing the Equal Money System that will ensure all living parts and participants in this world are equally regarded and given support within an agreement to never again accept abuse and harm upon fellow living beings as a ‘must do’ in order to make ‘life’ possible on Earth.

 

Walk with us this Journey To Life, to remove all conditions and limitations we’ve accepted as ‘who we are/ how things are’ and direct our lives to be of actual substance, meaning and purpose: to live as equals, how it always should have been.

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250. Ignoring the Equilibrium of the Physical is our Doom

 

The answer to the greatest ‘problems’ in this worlds has always been Here, right in front of us as the laws that govern the universe and nature and the mechanisms in which it all works, it’s always following a mathematical precision that we see all around us in the shapes, forms and the forces that mold life as we know it, which includes ourselves.

 

“Laws of Physics is the laws of this world and enlightenment is to work in balance with the laws […] unless one can exist in all realities in ways that is best for all according to the laws of the reality that effect all –one will not be able o exist in any reality“ Bernard Poolman 

 

What has happened in our reality has been the implanting of us, human species, existing as the culmination of two forces existing in one single body: substance and physicality and energy as a mind consciousness system that was incrusted  upon the ‘vessel’ that we are all existing as our human physical body, that is certainly ‘the dust of the earth with water’ = made of mud. This single creation as physical body is perfectly able to exist without the need of a mind system, and this is precisely what the Desteni Portal represents as well and what we are all aware is possible from the single realization that we don’t require the mind to exist, because the mind is a fixed system that opposes and collides with the inherent laws of the universe/nature/ the physical.

We have come to believe in realms of ‘spiritual nature’ that would disregard the physical body as the actuality of who we are in order to ponder the realm of the intangible as the idea/ ego/ personality/ soul/ higher self and any other name you can give to the configuration that we’ve come to embody as individual beings, making these Ideas, beliefs and perceptions that we create in our own mind and accept and allow of each other as ‘who we are’ More important than the afore mentioned laws and physicality that govern nature, the universe and ourselves as part of that sameness as physical beings.

 

Continuing from:

The human being, representing this precise conflagration of a physical and mind creation embodying substance/physicality as the matter of the world coexisting in an intricate relationship with an energy-system – that we now refer to as the mind consciousness system – holds the key to the final resolution that we can embody as creation  in this reality to establish a final solution and alignment of both elements to an equal and one coexistence in symbiotic relationships to continue living,  if we actually are able to grasp the opportunity at hand when it comes to Understanding and Realizing the gift of life that we are and have, and commit ourselves to Align these faults, negligence and disregard in order to be and become what we should have always been: developing to our fullest expression and it is obvious that this can only happen if we understand how we can only get to this point if we unite our individual forces – 1+1+1+1 – to create and manifest an actual kingdom of god on Earth.

 

For that, we require to understand how energy works within its requirement of friction and conflict that we generate within ourselves as the mind and impose it upon the physical body to use the very physical substance to generate energy, which is the ‘bastard’ product of this separation/friction/conflict. That has been our ‘doom’ as humans, and the causes can be found Everywhere wherein we can spot a ‘problem’ such as a lack, scarcity, malfunctioning, annihilation, extinction, inconformity and all words that indicate by default there has been one part missed within the cycles and natural laws that govern the physical reality. This is part of what I had to digest when coming into a much ‘hyper’ matrix since I usually remain in a very secluded area where not much is going on. When coming into a city, it is as if this massive pattern of negligence, abuse and greed would unfold right in front of me – it can be ‘overwhelming’ and took me a night to digest it, probably. The fact that the problem is visible everywhere implies that we have neglected the solutions that are possible and existent equally Everywhere if we align our forces to it,

 

I also happen to be reading a book recommended by Bernard yesterday The Game of Life and How to Play It while travelling and as always, takes some time for some of the points to be ‘digested,’ but I suggest you also follow through Jeanne’s blog ‘Painter’s Journey To Life’ who will be dissecting the basic points that will be pretty much in tune with what I will be walking here, since I am well aware how I suppressed this basic understanding in the name of laziness, apathy and discouragement as I have walked and explained in the series of blogs that have been enlisted above, all linked to the ‘doomsday character’ which is really only human ignorance wasting away the life we hold in every moment of breath here – we say it with so much ease, but goddamn, it should certainly not be taken lightly at all.

 

I also literally stumbled upon a video here and I am barely beginning to watch it and awakened a fascination that reminded me of when I was an avid ‘curious’ about the world, nature and the forces at hand. I admit I lost all sense of curiosity and that became my doom – partly because of thinking that there was nothing else to ‘discover’ and within this, going into my own apathy and that aspect of myself was dead, dormant or simply pushed aside which is not what this process is about. I recognize the stagnation point as my own unwillingness to realize that there is still much more to understand than what I have only begun to grasp. I had some fascination for numbers, geometry. alchemy and many other things of such nature – I reduced then Fibonacci being to consciousness and as such diminishing everything that I had previously had any interest on as mere rubbish. I was very keen on numbers and seeing all the patterns in nature, we all have that, we can all be our own scientists and I see how I became rather reluctant to science because of it being so limited, apparently – but, right now that we have all the astounding vast information at Eqafe in relation to ourselves, reality, the laws that govern this reality, the nature of ourselves as this flagrant containment of two forces in one body makes us the key to the Universe. And no, this should not be taken as anthropocentric suprematist statement, but it seems that we are the only ones that are ‘out of tune’ from everything else, yet have an actual ability to direct our Will to transform the matters at hand.

 

A spark also opened up when reading Maya Rote’s series on Physics wherein the forces at work within this Universe were presented again, not as something to be ‘overlooked’ by another belief system of ‘there is no God,’ but as a key to understand ourselves once more. And one of the points that we walk in this process is to never hold on to something as a ‘certainty’ until proven absolutely being so by all means throughout time. We can’t hold on to knowledge and information without testing it in all aspects and ways to in fact come to physical conclusions that can in fact give us a cue on what is best for all.

 

Now how the hell does all of this will follow through here? I see myself like having all these strands and having to collate them to give them proper direction, but it seems that we have simply Not Been Paying Attention to how other species live in order to understand the forces we should all Align ourselves as, because if we remove the human factor from the Ecosystem, nature would have followed its course and cycles – however the creation of the human embodies the ultimate ‘duel’ that must be resolved, aligned as the conciliation of opposite forces that only represent one thing: the separation of ourselves from our oneness and equality, and that is what we currently exist as: a physical body tyrannically invaded by a mind consciousness system that was pondered as ‘who we are’ and given all the attention and considerations, never questioning if this ‘god’ in our heads as our own thoughts, feelings, emotions, internal conversations was in fact the order that the physical should exist as, which is obviously not, since Energy represents the ultimate self interest that one can embody and that is our mind, extracting from the physical body the actual substance to create the Fuel for our Mind-driven desires to be fulfilled at the expense/ cost of the physical.  Rings a bell? Any extraction of energy represents this, as discussed in day 2 of this Journey to Life listed above.

 

Why don’t we see the animals fighting with each other about not being equally remunerated for the labor/ force they have put to sustain themselves, why don’t they have legal or judicial systems? This is just one tiny example of what should have been obvious -blatantly so, I should say- with regards to there being Something Inherently wrong within ourselves as human beings that no other species present, yet have come to face and carry the consequences that we have now created for  Them as well, the natural elements within the ecosystem as part of the consequences that we have imposed onto reality.

 

I left off a pointer in my last blog recommending Kryon’s Interview and saying there are some Key points in there, and that is the awareness of substance. I won’t stay anything else but that was also part of the realizations that I see I have actually neglected, we all have actually, when believing that it is us in our minds that is alive – and this is also a consistent message throughout Desteni: it is rather foolish and conceited to believe it is us human beings that are aware and alive – yet it is unfortunate that the vast majority of beings are unaware of this.

 

Also review the Animal’s Life Reviews to understand More about what I’ll be sharing here.

So, while watching this show from the BBC called ‘The Code’ in its chapter ‘Shapes,’ I realized to what extent we have missed out the symbiotic relationships we should regard at all times if we would want to actually become ‘masters’ of the matter on this Earth. This means:  the sheer accumulation and action of self-interest upon the matter, is already an action that will cause imbalance in the rest of the whole – and just like a domino effect: once you violate a basic principle in our existence such as the consideration of Equality, we became rather selfish, egotistic, greedy and obsessed beings that have foolishly believed any form of ‘true glory’ could stem from seeking Only one’s personal interest, while disregarding that the true ‘Kingdom of Heaven’ can only exist if we give and receive in Equality as the actual action that considers the laws of physicality and natural arrangement that are here, on this Earth yet ignored by ourselves as mind systems that have only sought to ‘get the most out of’ such forms, shapes, laws and mechanisms.

It is absurd we have come to spiritualize and make of the actual Harmony with the Universe ‘airy-fairy’ words that we now associate with quite a disgrace and deviation of humanity through things like religion and spirituality as the deification of Energy – Hence considering the ‘laws of the universe’ is an actual physical consideration that should not be associated with anything else other than the actual forces that govern the universe.

 

What does this mean? We’ve played god, and we rottenly failed at it –  but Why? Because we are unaware and uneducated gods that will have to face the consequences of our indiscriminate actions due to disregarding everything and everyone in this reality being equally aware and alive. This is thus the phase where we are ‘growing up’ from our apparent ‘free will’ to do whatever we want and use it ‘at our discretion’ without realizing what we were actually ‘playing with’ on Earth, which is life, ourselves and everyone involved in it – there is no such thing as isolated actions that have no impact on the whole. This makes us no different to our creator that also Missed the crucial point of the relationship he held with substance, and for that please listen to the fantastic series Reptilians to understand the true image and likeness we hold to him.

 

What a marvelous joke isn’t it? Give a sense of freedom as ‘free will’ and ‘free choice’ and see what humans do with it – the result is our Earth.

 

Now, from the documentary, watch the point about bubbles and the economic solutions they represent as natural forces at work – lol, seriously this is something that can only show to what extent the Answers to this reality have been always right in front of us: The sphere, bubbles and how nature’s economic laws function. This proves a natural disposition to cooperate, to coexist to Share, to amalgamate and collaborate as an inherent property of matter to arrange itself in the most functional structures that are sustainable and effective to continue life on Earth. Those are the Laws that govern our physicality, nature, the ecosystem. Why haven’t we done the same as human beings? Because a ‘moreness’ belief is what consumes the most energy, and energy can only stem from a relationship of abuse, of friction and conflict.

From the documentary “Nature’s always finding the most efficient solution that it can” – So why us human beings haven’t been living to this basic evident principle around and within us? – The kingdom of god is everywhere around us within and without, we have lost all touch with what words really mean here, because we have only been thinking in Energy and where there is no Energy, we lose all interest, as that’s the primary way in which friction and conflict can be kept: continue existing in absolute ignorance, disarray, friction and conflict so that no solutions are ever found – these are the ‘forces’ we have to tame and work with, as it is is just our stubborn aspect of ourselves that thought we could thrive Alone as individuals, disregarding the whole. Today we can prove that wrong, and all that is left is our consequences to face.

This should place in all physical commonsensical evidence that the key to our reality and the solutions that are possible are virtually everywhere around us, we have just Not been paying attention – until now.

Now that is for sure in absolute accordance to the Equal Money System’s proposal on Stewardship:

Stewardship

Within an Equal Money System it will be recognized that Humans are a part of the Ecosystem they live in. The word ‘eco’ stands for ‘home’ – and thus, each human will be responsible for maintaining the Balance and Harmony within their home, within their Ecosystem. This involves the Monitoring of the Well-Being of the Plants and Animals within one’s Environment and to Intervene when Disharmony occurs as a result of Human Impact, so that a New Equilibrium can be established.

 

This will continue ..

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233. Are we Anxious because We Know We Lie All the Time?

Facing our Personal Judgment Day

When looking at strength the past week, I had a dream wherein I would see a symbol that represented strength being mended/ broken and covered up with a ‘surrogate symbol’ if you wanna call it that.  How can any strength be real if it is founded upon an Idea of Self based upon an actual survival mode-system that we’ve been living as, projecting the usual image of ‘self-control’ while inside one is a wreck? Well, that certainly creates an underlying anxiety which indicates simply what? One is not being absolutely self-honest with one’s living and words, one is still wanting to hold on to something as a point of benefit/ idea of self that in no way can be sustainable if one is walking down the road of Self-Honesty. 

 

An aspect that I’ve lived for the most part of my life is precisely this: show no weakness = live strength as an Idea of Self- in order to seem ‘immovable.’ But when this strength is based on being ‘on guard’ to any form of attack, then it is not real strength but just defensive mechanisms stemming from fear.  As we know, nothing that is energy based can survive as an actual integral living-of-words within myself. The outflow is precisely this point wherein we try and cover things up nicely. As I write this I can talk about my grandfather and how he would hide his huge financial crisis that took him to lots of debt after having had quite his own piece of heaven so to speak. One would always see him being what you can call ‘political’ about it, even when he was sick, he’d behave as if everything was just fine, a small bump on the road here and there, nothing to worry about, while at the same time we all knew things weren’t alright.  And the same with my parents, I guess it’s a protection mechanism to hide when things are actually not going well and I see that we have conditioned ourselves to always ‘look at the bright side’ and look all around or anywhere else but straight forward to speak things as they are. That would piss me off:  what are they hiding from me? why can’t they look at me in the eyes when they speak? And this would be applied to virtually anyone. However, I had not realized I’ve been living the exact  same point wherein I try and cover up any actual fears with a false sense of strength and certainty, which later on becomes only so much one can deal with till it’s no longer able to be ‘sustainable’ as a living-word = me being actually IT and all of it done to  ‘save my ass’ in any regard.

 

This works temporarily in a system wherein if you have a great presentation, you can get cool attention and consideration from others as a sellable item– but if we are talking about self honesty which means realizing the truth of ourselves for ourselves/ by ourselves/ toward ourselves, even that ability to stand as such point in the system requires one to first be fully certain of what an actual strength is as an actual living truth of oneself, which cannot be measured by anything that I have been before as any form of ‘props’ within the system as that is the usual role that I have played for a long time as part of preprogrammed personalities and characters I got characterize throughout my life.

 

All of this came up when reviewing the word intelligence and ‘being responsible’ and how I pretty much disliked being called that while going through school, because I didn’t want to be reduced to being this single brain that apparently thinks and gets everything alright. This egotistical trait lead me to seek other ways in which I could be ‘regarded’ as special, unique or someone liking me for ‘who I really am’ – but, did I know what I really am then? No, do I have an idea of what I really am now? yes If I define myself as a physical living being that exists as part of a whole that is in the process of aligning this entire ‘me’ that I’ve been as all the ego-trips and willing to stand as an equal being to everything and all in order to support myself as life –  this implies no lie sustained by the past system of false values can exist within me = all of the ‘me’ as any apparent positive trait must go.

 

So, within this point of conflict between being sincere/ genuine or actually live the words  I speak, create a sense of glib self experience we all know is part of the building blocks of a façade we keep up in order to survive, it’s just like people presenting an image of success to pretend that everything is under control / I am perfectly normal and okay, thank you – I would get pissed off at people playing out these characters  without realizing to what extent I was playing the game as well. A common example is virtually any authority-figure representing the ideal of ‘All is under control’ while behind there’s this massive fear running throughout your body because you have actually no clue of what the fuck you really are doing  – then why keeping this ideal? Survival of our own fittest-ideal of ego in a dog eat dog world that we’ve all accepted and allowed.

 

This is a common experience at times when having to face an authority – parents, teachers, mentors, the ‘law,’ people you owe something to, people that show some ‘respect’ to you in any regard – all of this that we play in between our daily interactions keeps a masquerade in front of us as if ‘nothing bad happened’ – this is the actual disingenuous definition of who we have become: pretending all is well, but how can it be if Nothing in this world is working as an actual force of benevolence that is able to support all human beings, No one in this world is living up to the standards of what caring for one another as equals in fact implies in all possible ways, no governmental or financial systems are working to regard all living beings as having equal right to live in dignity, no belief system has ever proposed a solution for this world that could provide actual love and care for every single living being in this planet, No scientific discovery or human knowledge has ever been able to explain why we simply don’t care about each other. Then how could we Not feel insincere and fake if everything we’ve been thus far has been founded upon these lies we bought and sold?

 

We keep a presentation as if everything was fine, good, so/so going while in fact, everyone’s having their own little hell inside that is being feared to be faced. Why don’t we just open up? Out of fear of presenting ourselves as something/ someone that is not ‘as good as the rest’ –but, it’s rather ludicrous to keep up to each other’s lies considering the amount of stress, worry, anxiety, petrification this single realization causes.

 

So, why do we suppress ourselves and keep a glib personality, pretending something that we know is all lies? Is it only to benefit our egos and save our reputation somehow? a Reputation that has been built according to a social conditioning that supports nothing but lies to be liked by others that have also been conditioned to buying lies, reducing life to a single paper of abilities and skills that can be sold to the greatest bidder? Reducing all we’ve been to the amount of money in our bank accounts? Reducing the physicality that we are to a single image that can be attractive to others for sex? Is that living?

No

Then why are we hiding from actually speaking things as they are and keep a ‘good sellable self image’? Fear of rejection, fear of not being good enough, fear of ending up being seen as crazy, fear of failure, fearing being a loser, lunatic, hypocritical, selfish, self centered, dishonest and any other word that we’ve created out of the same consciousness that we have limited ourselves by.

This means that we can only create a form of conflict within ourselves according to ‘who we are’ if we still take such ‘who we are’ as an irreversible form of existence that we have to bear as our cross with no ability to change. That is certainly partly true, since the consequences of whatever we’ve lived while being in character are already here and having to be faced – but we certainly can walk a process to align ourselves through walking a process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application to instead let go of striving between the poles of the good and the bad, hiding our actual self from Ourselves and in such process, taking responsibility for the massive fear we have inflicted upon our physical bodies, the truth and reality of what we’ve become while accumulating only worry, concern, anxiety and a general stress because of knowing ‘we’re bulshitting ourselves and everyone else, and not knowing ‘how to follow through’ once this is discovered and realized. Well there is a solution. 

 

How I see it is as if we are building up these bubbles around us sustained by air  itself that can also be destroyed by air itself which means they are as flimsy as all the thoughts we’ve tried to live out as ‘who we are,’ invisible entities that we’ve given our actual lives to, which is rather ludicrous and paradoxical: giving the real life away to live these characters of self limitation through pretentious ideas of self that ‘sell well’ in the market, which we’ve then externalized as our financial bubbles within which our entire ‘lives’ are dependent upon. Why is this? Again, peer-pressure, social-pressure, ‘filling the role’ the best way possible. I’ve caught myself many times projecting this judgment toward people in general, but, it is time I take the point back to self and investigate myself playing out the same role just to keep up with what one is supposed to ‘keep up with’ as a form of reputation/ consideration, which again, falls within the same social conditions of ‘who am I supposed to be’ toward others and how one is able to fall for chasing the presentation without really following through with the actual living of it – just like any nice words we might say, but how many times we don’t end up actually living it? Or creating an idea of having everything ‘under control’ but not really knowing how to take the wheel and drive?

 

What happens with suppressions is the more we hide, the more things pile up, accumulate to a bigger conflict only because of holding an inner-perspective of who we are as such conflict and how we should handle it, which again is usually falling onto the same ‘control measures’ based upon fear, not actual Self-Understanding of How one created the entire ‘ball of snow’ in the first place.

If one is not absolutely self honest, fire eventually catches up on you and from there, only consequences must be faced, walked as a starting from zero point in order to see what was based upon being mere ‘froth’ which sounds like ‘fraud’ and how one can align it into a real physical living integration as part of the integrity that one would want to actually live, one that is not based on creating the most ‘sellable persona’ in the social-market of financial bubbles – but a human being that is able to die realizing that one has in fact done, been and become All one can in fact Live as a certainty of self as ‘who I really am’ in order to dedicate oneself fully and completely to do what’s best for all, to support self to be an actual example of what that means in all ways – am I currently that? No way,  there is so much to walk and align until there is not a single inkling of conflict with who I am, what I say, what I do and why I do it and all as in everyone else stand within one integral principle: an expression of self as one and equal –because, as the saying goes: no one is free until All Is Free.

 

This is one of the reasons why one can experience anxiety when facing mostly people and general situations wherein one’s own stand is questioned. One realizes one has been fucking around and cannot hide the truth any further and as such, anxiety as an intense fear is experienced. This is how if someone spends a considerable amount of time piling up this anguish, stress and anxiety, it is most likely that one then end up believing there’s something ‘really wrong’ with one’s nerves or health or whatever – but, what we don’t realize is that we have all created this ourselves, by our own thoughts, by our own irresponsibility, by our own false-presentations in order to present a ‘good-doer’ type of persona – but, now that we are aware of the Evil as the human nature that we actually are, is there any way to in fact be able to be ‘good’ in this world, as we have conditioned our own ‘good’ to be about within a system where life is being sold and denied to those who have No Money at all? No.

 

Hence, in order to align ourselves to a sound living experience, one has to face the idea of self and why it was kept ‘up’ within such a positive light, for what purpose, what do we exactly fear losing as the unsubstantial ego that we’ve become. For what? for who? what is ‘in it’ for us? what were we attempting to gain?

 

So, a suggestion I that if you reading this in any way believe in the end of the world, you give yourself the opportunity to give an end to the old world that we’ve kept ‘alive’ by the tips of our tongues every time that we speak just to create a cover up of our actual experiences that we even hide from ourselves, ending up fooling ourselves and living an inner conflict wherein one believes that ‘I don’t know who I really am’ and everything seems fuzzy and foggy, nothing ‘making any sense anymore’ which is just another ESC personality as another attempt to try and avoid facing the outflow of actually fearing to see the truth of ourselves: we’ve tried too hard to ‘make it’ but how can we ‘make it’ in a world founded upon lies?

 

So these are the points to explore, most humbling I can say wherein as I’ve agreed to define this: learning from one’s mistakes and walking the correction to align oneself to an actual living that I can stand by not only as words or a particular ‘idea of self’ that won’t last, but actual living-actions that are in fact a physical alignment to living, doing, becoming what’s best for all – not just goody-god-doer glib talk.

 

I’ve walked this process to get to a point of Self Honesty and this is what I’ll continue working on based on the points explained within this post, so, walk with to get to a point of sanity to create ourselves as actual living beings that are ‘Real’ in the physical sense of the word, no more upgrading personalities to avoid catching up on fire, but be able to stand here, absolutely unwavering from having faced our own inner demons as the ‘hidden corridors’ and dark corners of our mind and as such stand as an actual integrity that we all can in fact cultivate as a self-forgiveness process of everything that we owe to ourselves as life.

 

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207. Changing the World in Self Interest

 

Continuation of the Elite Character – Self Interest when wanting to ‘Change the World’

 

Now from the personal interests and keeping ourselves in a position of current benefits, we jump to also another aspect of self interest which, as I had explained in the previous blogs, has to do with an inherent desire to get to a position of power/ recognition by becoming some form of libertarian to society, while earning money and living quite ‘well’ within the system – not to mention how I would mostly be only speaking about it but not doing anything practical about it. This is the substantial aspect that we can all still see around us: many people becoming ‘aware’ of change and wanting to ‘change the world’ but how much of that awareness is in fact practical to do create a tangible physical reality that can be best for all? Only by promoting social equality or justice within the context of my understanding back then would have lead to another revolution wherein further conflicts ensue without any actual change that would lead to a realization of how it is that Money is the current point that is required to be changed/ reformed in order to establish any form of change in this world. I was only looking at governments back then, people in it, and all the entire world-system as just some type of ‘evil’ that I was absolutely a victim of. This is where the trick resides here, how we have always separated ourselves from the responsibility of what is here and rejoiced in being able to point fingers and even Drive other beings to become aware at the same level of opposition and lead them to further ways to ‘escape the system,’ of which I am also responsible for and have walked in self forgiveness throughout my process, because I also led people to further irresponsibility and opposition within my apparent ‘clarity’ about reality, which was, once again, only stemming from my desire to place myself as this righteous benevolent person that wanted to change the world and bring ‘social justice’ while neglecting my own responsibility within it. How easy, isn’t it?

In reality, we have realized it cannot possibly as easy as that, it cannot possibly be just a matter of ‘letting things run  its course’ and be asking for change while even desiring to get further recognition for being a ‘voice for the people,’ while maintaining our own benefits and being deliberately oblivious to how we were ‘good for fighting’ against the system, but not at all even being aware of how our own self-interest was still stemming from not being willing to give up our ‘little bits of heaven’ in order to dedicate our lives to an actual change, because we weren’t even aware of what that implies.

 

So, this is how at Desteni we are aware that social, political and economical change is required in order for the World to change – and that cannot exist if there is no Education for human beings in order to realize to what extent the configuration of this reality – including the ‘opposition’- was part of a greater scheme of enslavement of which we are all equally participants of by the sheer fact of being here. This implies that the first step is taking Self Responsibility of what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become and within that, become part of a group that promotes Self Responsibility in order to establish an actual change and reform to the current system, while realizing that it is not about ‘opposing it’ nor spiritualizing the entire process to a heavenly experience of ‘self change’ either – it is rather a realization of practical steps and considerations that one must be absolutely willing to walk as an Understanding and Realization of what must be done, instead of it being just another activity to make oneself feel ‘better’ or ‘good’ or aim to get to some ‘higher position’ within society, which would absolutely go against everything that we stand for which is Equality as Life, as physical beings that decide to stand up and take responsibility.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever think that wanting to ‘change the world’ was going to be a nice, blissful type of experience wherein I would be able to maintain all my benefits and even earn ‘more’ by promoting ‘change’ in this world, which is the entire personality of how I wanted to obtain some form of reward/ benefit from doing something ‘good’ to society, which reveals to what extent we have never been self-willed beings but have only regurgitated the same words and desires to ‘do something’ about reality, but never even questioning why we, people with certain amount of money, were wanting to do some ‘change’ just by promoting it, without understanding how the system works and how the actual change entails money and entails a process of participation within the system, not outside of it.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to desire ‘world change’ and expecting it to just ‘happen’ by a sudden realization of ourselves human beings being willing to just ‘do something about the world/ ourselves’ which was quite an ignorant desire from my side, mostly relying on an spiritual type of agenda that I also participated in, wherein I believed that somehow everything would be aligned to a ‘wonderful outcome’ in the end, and this relying on how brainwashed I had always been to believe that ‘in the end everything will be just fine,’ becoming a comfortable belief-system and ‘certainty’ within me in order to just continue pursuing my own position of promoting ‘change’ but never even looking at the actual root/cause of the problem in this world system, which is Money.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create an entire character within myself of becoming an opposition to ‘the Elite’ once that I realized my own position and the self interest that I was living in, without realizing that I never actually stopped being part of the people that have enough money to eat and be educated – thus, I only ‘changed my mind’ about money, but I never changed my actual understanding of how it is that money works, how it is that no matter how much I pretended to ‘care’ about others as long as I remained oblivious to myself, my own self-change as an actual introspection and investigation of my life to see where and how I could in fact contribute to a world-change based on what’s best for all, I simply was projecting a desire to ‘change others’ / the world without having to look at myself, because that would mean then that I was in fact not ‘right’ and within my own mind: I was absolutely ‘right’ about what I was aiming to do and be/ become, neglecting the fact that I was also absolutely responsible for everything that I was pointing fingers at within this world, while still remaining under the protective shadow of having enough money to live well and still manage to criticize the system with no further solutions other than opposing it and ‘asking for change’ to the ‘authorities.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect things to always work out ‘just fine’ in the end when embarking myself within a process of becoming an antagonist and opposition toward the world system, wherein I essentially would only take pride of being an ‘aware being’ and ‘not being brainwashed,’ developing a constant anger toward society, media, people in general, without realizing that the actual point of change and real awareness that I was missing was myself, first realizing how I am equally responsible for this world which is ludicrous but, I never even considered how I was responsible for this entire world’s situation and that me and my desires to ‘change the world’ were coming and existing from the self-righteous belief that I had nothing to do with ‘what is going on in this world’ and that I was only a ‘victim’ of it, without realizing how this became my own protective mechanism from realizing how we have all contributed to the current state of the world by the mere fact of existing, by the mere fact of using money and by the mere fact of believing that we had some ‘higher purpose’ in life and that my ‘higher purpose’ was linked to becoming ‘aware’ and be the ‘world changer’ personality, from the starting point of opposing the system, not realizing that I am in fact one and equal As the system and that the system is ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to change the world from the perspective of the Enlightened Self Interest, wherein ‘in the end’ I would also get a higher position after such apparent ‘world change’ which is the motivation that I had been conditioned to follow through as part of the entire process of ‘getting to a higher position in society’ while wearing a ‘world peace’ banner in my mind in order to justify the means to my projected ‘success’ as in doing it for a ‘good cause,’ which in the end is no different to any other job/ position that is intending to ‘do well’ and most likely only remain as a ‘promoter’ instead of an active participant within the system, working on a solution that will certainly not allow further elitism in society or any other vainglory form of personalized benevolence but only the realization that we can only thrive as humanity when all beings are equally supported. That implies that:

 

I commit myself to walk the process of realizing how any form of world change cannot contain any form of individual self interest to get to a ‘higher position’ at all, as that would obviously imply that only the same system that allows such ‘superiority’ would be reinforced with another mask of ‘change’ – an actual consideration and actions toward world change imply doing it from the starting point of realizing how we are one whole as one organism that can only continue living if we regard all parts/ all beings as equals – this implies then that only equal positions in society can exist wherein all people are equally supported with money to live, with education to understand how we can all practically become self-responsible beings and within this, understanding how money can only be valued as life in order to maintain such well being in society, wherein a form of sickness/unbalance to the organism can only exist if one single part is desiring to get ‘more’ than the other part, which is then another form of Self Abuse that must be understood as such and not any longer as Success which is how we’ve been currently brainwashed to think ‘power’ is.

 

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191. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination– Self Correction

 

Consequences within the Procrastination Character – Self Corrective Statements and Commitments

This is  a continuation to: 189. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination – Self Forgiveness from the day October 21, 2012

When and as I see myself experiencing anger and irritation toward my own neglect and deliberate brushing off of responsibilities that I’ve committed myself to do – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I don’t require to add a layer of emotional turmoil to that which is required to be done and given direction to in physical reality.

I commit myself to stop participating in anger and this is a process – yes – as I see and realize that the anger that I have exerted toward something/ someone outside of myself are stemming from me only and that it is Never about others. (Listen to the Quantum Mind series Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 22+23)

Thus I realize that anything could trigger this experience within me as it is in fact only me being angry at myself for not having corrected/ given direction to points within my world and reality wherein any point can become a trigger point to exert my own creation toward my own actions/ inactions.

 

When and as I see myself creating a rush about things, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I cannot move faster than the physical space time and within that, it is pointless to create a rush within me to direct/ move/ sort out things which is actually an energetic input stemming as a direct consequence to my own parsimony toward the time required for the task that I have neglected.

 

When and as I see myself recriminating myself for not having done something over time, I stop and I breathe – I realize that creating an experience of anger and irritation about the time spent having remain ‘stuck’ within one point, is further mind possession that requires a physical direction in the moment, which I suggest is writing it out in order to see how I can practically stop the emotional turmoil and give myself proper direction which implies, breathing, stabilizing  myself and then continuing with the task that must be done.

I commit myself to work closely with my emotional reactions to ensure that I am not  using Self Forgiveness as a way to exert the emotions without giving it immediate self direction, as that would obviously nullify the point of Self Forgiveness.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out/ exert my anger toward the world because of my own procrastination and unresolved points that I Know I have to direct, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within exerting my own unresolved points toward others is abdicating my responsibility and further victimization wherein I see that this is a pattern that I also learned from what I saw at home and developed myself which just emerged here as I write – so through self forgiveness first:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within being angry and irritated for things not going ‘my way’ exert such anger toward others so that others in that moment could also be aware of my anger and even wanting to deliberately affect them with my anger so that I am actually creating a point of power over others through making them react in fear toward my anger/ become angry themselves, wherein the experience is then only fueled without any correction but simply wanting to deliberately make others angry/ experience the same I was experiencing, which reveals to what extent when there is no self-awareness of what we are in fact accepting and allowing to exist within us, we lash out our experience toward others without caring how it is affecting others – within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider how my own anger affects others and how I am in fact responsible not only for myself, but for the experience that I instigate deliberately in a seemingly non-conscious manner toward others, without realizing that it is obviously done with the intention of others ‘feeling my anger’ in order for me to then justify my experience and within this, through anger, getting myself back to a positive experience when saying ‘I had a reason to be angry’ which is not acceptable in any way.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to deliberately lash out my anger toward others in order to have an effect on them and within this, have a form of power and control through them reacting in fear – I obviously stop and I breathe – I realize that others noticing that I am angry will in fact only fuel my own anger and irritation which is something that I have to sort out/ deal with/ correct within myself only – and that wanting others to be directly affected by my experience is in fact abdicating my responsibility to the points that I have to work with myself.

Thus I realize that anger in itself is another form of self manipulation to try and have others commiserating to my own negligence and in this case, procrastination, instead of realizing that every consequence must be faced here, directly in stability and within this understanding that me exerting anger is only perpetuating the cycles of self-abuse and indirectly seeking to involve others within my experience, which is plain evil.

I commit myself to stop my impulse to exert anger toward others in order for them to be aware that ‘there’s something going on with me’ which is plain manipulation in order to be able to involve others in my own experience, which is not acceptable as this is my process, my responsibility and within this, I cannot allow myself to perpetuate and externalize that which I have created for myself and through myself only.

This is how I can practically ensure that I stop creating division and wars in our world as I see that the moment that we externalize any point of friction with a deliberate desire to have others participate in it my experience, is another form of validating the experience in itself, which is not acceptable at all.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to rush things now because of having procrastinated them for a while, I stop and I breathe – I realize that now rushing to ‘get it done’ is not a self-honest way of living and it’s not what I would want myself to be and become only to ‘get the task/project done’ in a middle/ half-assed way – thus I ensure that I make the necessary arrangements in my world and reality to walk this point till its completion as it is my responsibility and point to direct/ solve/ sort out within the absolute understanding that creating further experiences about it is useless to create a solution, therefore only a waste of time.

 

I commit myself to understand that those projects/ tasks that I commit myself to walk, are part of that which I have decided to do as an extension/ expression of ourselves. This implies that getting things done just to ‘get by’ is only a dishonest expression of myself that I would certainly not want myself to express as, nor others for that matter.  This is to realize that the commitment to walk a point of responsibility implies the realization that I am here to correct the patterns that I lived thus far that are not self-supportive and within this, my deeds/ words are the direct physical and tangible proof of any form of self correction I am committing myself to. Thus I take equal responsibility for what I have committed myself to do and that are all equally part of the responsibilities that I have taken on in my life.

 

When and as I see myself equating life to ‘getting things done’ as only being a production machine, qualifying my life according to tasks to get done in order to define ‘who I am’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that tasks, projects and points that I have decided to do and take responsibility for are points that I have agreed to do as part of my own living-experience within the world system and within my own process  – within this, it is to realize that committing myself to do something is actually designating the necessary time to do it, as I realize that not doing so, creates consequences for myself and everyone else involved .

 

Within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how my own actions/ inactions would also affect others wherein even if I knew that I had to do it, I simply didn’t do it. So this is part of me having to realize how every point of procrastination can be linked to individual moments of deciding to do ‘something else/ something that made me feel good about myself’ instead of doing what I was requiring to do.

When and as I see myself only considering me and my own consequences when not doing something deliberately – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the responsibility that I’ve taken on is not only toward myself but anyone else involved. Thus, I take responsibility for myself, my actions/ inactions and the consequential outflow they create toward others and reality as a whole.

 

When and as I see myself creating an experience upon getting more responsibilities, I stop and I breathe –I realize that getting any sort of anxiety or stress about it does not solve the point, will not allow me to work ‘better’ through it. It is a single physical point wherein I can instead focus on considering the task to bet done, assess it throughout some time to see how I can fit in all that must be done within my schedule and according to testing it out for some time, assess whether I am capable of doing it nor not. This is to then not further compromise myself with projects/ tasks to be done without having an actual living-physical decision to actually do it. Within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to face the consequence of not getting things done based on taking on other responsibilities and deliberately knowing that I was neglecting this other task that I must get done no matter what, eventually ending up procrastinating due to my desire to be able to ‘keep up’ with everything  and have time for it all, without realizing that in this I am only doing so as a point of compromise which is based on not wanting to let others down about my participation in things, which is something that I have to consider without the image/ role point that I have created of myself, and instead for this moment until I get this major task done, to consider how it is necessary for me to focus on my reality responsibilities before continuing developing any other points.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to take further points/ responsibilities without considering the ones that I am deliberately ignoring and leaving behind, yet knowing that I have to do them anyways – I stop and I breathe – I have to make a very cold decision in every moment that I agree to participate in something, as I realize that each decision implies a responsibility and a consequences and that I would not want for myself/ nor others to take several points and eventually not dedicating myself to them in every moment, but being rushing to do it, which is not cool at all.

I commit myself to assess in a very conscious manner the decisions I make in order to taken on projects, responsibilities and tasks when I have one single point that is being procrastinated/ not done and requires immediate attention.

I commit myself to ‘remind’ me of the consequential outflow of having procrastinated something wherein one does not know how such procrastination will create an eventual consequence wherein that one single ‘lagging point’ determines our reality and our very own internal stance toward ourselves and everything that we participate in.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to blame others for my own experience, I stop and I breathe –I realize that I must stop at all times exerting my experience toward others as I am the only one that must work with anger and irritation toward myself. Thus

I commit myself to stop reacting and blaming others for my own experience, being it music in the outside or people making noises – I realize that when I am here as breath, these points are not able to affect who I am. Thus every moment from here on when I see myself making a big deal out of an external aspect apparently ‘tampering’ my ability to direct myself effectively, I stop and I breathe – and I instead investigate how I have created this irritation and annoyance based on my own actions/ inactions within my world and reality according to tasks/ points that must be done and my physical direction to them.

 

I commit myself to stop becoming a demon in itself when it comes to being angry and irritated within myself toward myself due to what I have done/ not done as myself and exerting it upon others, as I see and realize that my starting point of doing so is that of wanting to get a positive experience for having others react to my own emotional state, which is a rather evil way of getting myself to a positive state and justify the anger and experience because at the eyes of others is apparently ‘okay’ for me to be angry and frustrated, even though I realize that the moment that I see in their eyes a point of fear and powerlessness toward my own anger, I get myself back to a positive experience because at least I have made others equally angry/ unstable as I am.

 

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188.Con-Sequence

Consequences of ProcrastinationWriting 

The manifested consequence of our creation is what we learn to face within this process  – and one would common sensically consider that because of knowing/ being aware of the potential harm, disruption, loss of integrity when deliberately participating in any thought, word and deed that we ‘know’ is not what best for all, we simply would stop doing it and stop the harm and self-abuse. Well, who we are as the mind is anything but common sensical or ‘sane’ within the logical sense of what sanity should be as a state of equilibrium at an organic/body and mind level. We are anything but that. While reading one of Heaven’s Journey to Life blogs I remember leaving a comment how I was a bit shocked when realizing that we Know what we are doing to ourselves, such as consuming our very life substance in order to create energetic experiences – yet we continue, yet we keep doing it even though the explanation is here on a golden platter for us to stand up and change.

I saw within myself also how the points that I’ve been able to definitely quit and stop and support myself to face the ‘withdrawal’ of were aspects wherein I made a firm decision to change. The moment I do not make this definitive decision, I know beforehand that I will use an excuse to not-change and kind of sneak in the pattern that I am ‘trying to stop’ because in the ‘trying’ there is no definitive action taken to decisively stop something. How on Earth have we managed to fool ourselves? To actually be abusing our lives, our living opportunities of expansion and growth even within the current ‘constrains’ of the system we live in, and simply allow ourselves to be ruled by apathy, by uselessness, by the sheer decision to ‘do it later’ which implies already deciding to do something else that sounds better to me than actually pushing myself to expand my current accepted and allowed automated response to only ‘go for’ that which sounds nice, enticing, comfortable, cozy even within my mind.

 

Now, the consequences… this is the part we really don’t want to face because it is all obviously to our own detriment and within the character walked so far, I realize the piece of self-sabotage masterpiece this has been.  I have also realized that I cannot victimize myself, make excuses, try to explain why I didn’t do it in a way that would sound ‘good’ at the ears of others – nope, I can’t like and all I have been able to say is ‘I have no excuse for that’ and even that sounds like cynicism based on me obviously having judged people in the past that would ‘blatantly’ accept their mistakes and faults and have  ‘nothing else to say’ because apparently, an excuse or justification would ‘soothe the consequence’ in some way, which is always stemming from this inherent human-mind desire of keeping ourselves on the ‘positive score’ of the game, even if everything goes to hell today we rather say ‘oh, but, you know, we did our best, we did everything we could, there was no way to change this’ – and cross our arms and hope to die probably.

Well, that which I see could happen at a global scale in terms of the procrastination we are accepting and allowing to sort out this world, the same I can see in the seemingly ‘unimportant’ points that I have procrastinated, deliberately ignoring the consequences and effect that this single point that I accepted and allowed to leave behind created as an effect in my overall beingness wherein it is rather difficult to pretend that everything is fine when there’s this corpse you’re dragging behind you and stinking every day a little bit more every time.

The consequences are both at a physical reality level and within my own ‘stance’ as a living being, because as we’ve explained before: if the sun refused to shine and postpone it’s glow today, life on Earth would not be possible, if the oxygen decided to withdraw itself from the atmosphere, take some ‘time out’ and come back in a week or so after a run through the universe, would life still be possible? No – and these are all obvious hypothetical points because it is simply not common sense to even conceive that a physical constancy in our world would procrastinate its function – the same applies to our physical body.

 

So, I see, realize and understand that every single judgment I had toward anything else not being fully applied and determined to change within others, must be absolutely reverted for me to face my own deliberate procrastination even though realizing and knowing/ being aware of the consequences. In my mind, it doesn’t make sense obviously to do something that will not be producing energy for it to create an experience about the moments that I am working on something – and this is precisely the ‘withdrawal’ process I see I have to face here – it’s going ‘better’ in terms of being able to spot the moments, however unless a definitive decision is made to stop walking the middle path, nothing will absolutely change/ be corrected.

 

I see and realize that within giving up on a single point and trying to hide/ suppress the actual experience toward it, it simply compounds until it becomes a literal burden on your back – so, this has been cool in order to spot the anxiety in relation to this, which would be automatically coming up in the seemingly unnoticeable moments wherein I would have the least ‘reminder’ of this point that I have to do – however since I’ve been actually working on it, the ‘benefit’ of this is also re-establishing myself as my directive principle which is one of the other dimensions of consequences that emerge when procrastinating: we stop existing as that immovable force that is able to ‘walk through it all’ simply because of allowing ourselves to be diminished and create an entire detrimental experience within one single point that we Know we are not ‘sorting out’ in our reality.

We cannot blame either, that’s just a be-lame act in order to not take responsibility for our actions, and I have walked that as well as it came through while walking all the other dimensions to this procrastination character that you can read from the first day here:
162. Either Do it or DIE

So, my suggestion within this is to give ourselves the necessary direction to commit ourselves to do and act and give direction to that which we have committed ourselves to be and do, to stop generating unnecessary consequences as I see and realize that it is Not required for us to go through hell and back to learn a lesson, that’s just white-light-dovey crap like the ‘paths of the soul’ for us to accept our own self-abuse as a ‘living lesson’ – No fucking way.

Within stopping the first moment wherein we see ourselves wanting to procrastinate, we are able to stop the entire sequence of events generated as a result of our own con wherein we opt for the ‘feel good’ experience instead of doing and working on that which we are aware must be directed and done.

 

Till Here No Further

Feelings and Procrastination

 

”More perspective on the points of feelings is that one tend to procrastinate because you feel good. But interestingly enough you have created those feel good feelings through your resonances through time so that you can trap yourselves so you never have to do anything. Because in-fact you are in constant fear and the only way that you don’t have to face your fear – which is everybody else in this world and the world system – is to create a feel good situation where you can justify why you are powerless and helpless to do anything about the situation in the world and that is how you delude yourself and deceive yourself to never actually take action and to accept the world the way it is, through happiness, feel good little feelings.
And obviously the world system in terms of money, and all the days like ‘Christmas’ and ‘Father’s day’ and ‘Mother’s day’ – all those kind of stuff is supporting your self delusions in keeping you trapped in it. And all the parent’s are teaching their children exactly the same traps so that they can feel good and even say, ‘I mean how dare you, let the child at least live and feel good while they’re alive’. Meantime, you have stolen that child’s life using the deception of feeling and energy.
Understand, the ‘Physical’ do not feel good. The ‘Physical’ will either have pain or no pain. That is all the physical feel. It’ll be either hot, cold – it’s simple physical things, that’s what the physical feel. That’s what’s Real.
One plus One Equals Two.” – Bernard Poolman 

 

So, Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements on consequence to come…

Desteni 

Desteni I Process

Desteni Forum 

Equal Money System 

Fin de la Ilusión

 

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158. Special Care for Good People

Channelings, blessings and ‘extra care’ for chosen ones

Continuing from previous blog 157. Wishing Well as Self Interest

I briefly wrote about my beliefs within spirituality and people channeling ‘messages from ‘the afterlife’ which I absolutely believed were true do to the amount of information that these channelers and mediums (because they were apparently two different sides of the same coin) were giving, as well as the supposed ‘support’ we would get from these ‘white brotherhood,’ which just as anything within childhood created a great amount of questions that no one was able to answer to me, like WHY were we (family and myself among another few ‘privileged ones’)  the only ones receiving these ‘blessings’ and ‘extra support’ and not everyone in the world was aware of this seemingly ‘gift from above,’ such as all the nice words indicating ‘love’ and support for our financial troubles, personal woes and general health problems.  A child unconditionally takes in what the so-called authorities implant onto them, hence the acceptance of things like santa clause, the boogie man, the tooth fairy or god becomes a ‘usual thing’ with kids throughout their lives – I mean, how is it that we never in fact questioned these ‘cultural kicks’ to actually question how it is that one can implant such beliefs with no physical evidence of any of those being being real, or even worse, you as a parent making your child believe that they are getting these marvelous objects by the divine chosen ruffle that god has made in heaven, wherein you as a child, are suddenly born in a house with all the support and care you want, all the toys, all the fun and games while later on realizing that, oh oh, santa clause does not arrive to all kids, the tooth fairy leaves candy to some and money to others, even using scare tactics such as getting coal instead of toys if you are a ‘bad boy/girl’ – wow.

Then you have in spiritualism the belief of an afterlife that we had to aspire to through succumbing to worrying and asking for some external god to make us ‘get past the day’ every day. The pattern was clear even then: creating emotional dependency to actually continue supporting the cult of spirituality and plea for something ‘good’ and ‘better’ arriving to our lives. This was ‘the perfect plan’ that we accepted and allowed, wherein we never realized our physicality as equal and one, an instead remain in endless conflicts within struggles, trials and tribulations within the world system that WE also accepted and allowed ourselves to continue co-creating/ participating in.

 

And this is no different to any of us believing that somehow by ‘the magic word of god’ we could be supported to escalate our standard living – yes us and our ‘loved ones’ only, which was also part of the great conflict within me: why us? why was I able to get all these supposed blessings while I ‘knew’ that tons if not all people could benefit from such ‘blessings’ as well? If you reading this have a child, please read these words and don’t even  dare to speak of such nonsense like god, angels giving blessings, santa clause or the tooth fairy to your child – please, it really creates an inextricable dilemma within a child’s mind that adults can probably only laugh about, however living it out is a complete different story.

It is not ‘cool’ at all when you have the belief of these ‘invisible beings’ protecting you all the time – besides developing fear to ‘being watched/ observed by them all the time, one gets the impression that there must be something really ‘good’ and ‘special’ about me because these beings are taking care of ME me me and not anyone else. This was also a cause of conflict and separation wherein it seemed simply unjust to me that this ‘god’/ father/ creator whatever would only pick a few on Earth to ‘give unconditional support’ to, while the rest could remain in extreme poverty for the rest of their lives. Absolutely ludicrous

Now what? Well, this still exists in our current ‘civilization’ which I now see and understand how the sound of it always pops up in my mind as ‘see evil Eye/ I zation’ as the process of realizing how this current world system is the exact reflection of everything that we have become in fact when living by/ as the principles dictated within our minds, yes, the mind that can only think itself/ for itself/ by itself and that we have inadvertently hosted with our own flesh, giving away our entire lives to a limited framework of reality that we believed is ‘all we are,’ while neglecting the very life that is here, that we ‘know’ it’s here yet haven’t ever LIVED in reality, as we have all become sooo preoccupied to only better our current lives and financial situations, getting ourselves out of debt or getting even more money – or some extreme cases getting something to eat for the day – that no one has ever had enough time to consider our actual relationship with ourselves, each other and our reality.

 

Let’s Ask ourselves: How it is that even those with extreme amounts of money are also possessed and constantly preoccupied about money – and most likely also believing that there is some type of specialness toward them for having such ‘good fortune,’ mostly justifying it with saying ‘I am really blessed/ we are really thankful for the benevolence of our creator’ having no idea in fact how such good life and ‘specialized care’ in fact exists at the world-system level. 

 

No one is free until all is free and this practically implies realizing that our good-doer beliefs have ALSO become part of the jails that must be broken – why? because believing ourselves to be good and evil had lead us to believe that there was some type of ‘special reason’ for such polarity to exist within our world, while it was only a very basic mechanism existent within/ as the mind to keep generating energy  – you can read more about it in the post 129. Will Love and Lighters end up Killing People? to understand how love and light vs. evil and darkness have become the parody we have all arranged and followed to be a part of in order to condemn all that which we believe is negative and pursue the positive; within this, justifying imaginary forces/ gods/ spirits/ entities/ aliens that could somehow mean the ‘good’ in our reality and in that, creating a battle/ opposing/ bashing/ exterminating/ crucifying anything that can be labeled – by equal stance of brainwashing-  as bad/ negative/ evil/ satanic/immoral, instilling fears within human’s consciousness that we have believed ourselves to be till this day.

Who set the hierarchy? Who set the privileges? by accepting such point as money having any power over our reality – even before money as such existed but only existed as ‘power over others,’ we would comply to it as in there being a real.

If we remove the good and the bad – what remains? Physicality that has been already molded, shaped and in most of the cases abused in order to suit the human exigencies of good and bad. Now, this can be like a topic we’ve gone through plenty of times before, and we have in fact, however not from the perspective of how within the very acceptance of ‘good’ in our reality, we create the bad and in that, we are already being part of the necessary game wherein some ‘chosen ones’ become the ‘good/ benevolent’ ones, which are mostly and usually those that have enough money to not have to worry about ‘making a living,’ and yes, for all the ‘unfortunate ones,’ the usual ‘panacea’ is getting into some religion and replace the food on your table with ‘food for the soul’ through praying, chanting and wishing for ‘better times’ while repeating to yourself that everything will be al-right and that this has got to be ‘somehow’ some lesson to learn/ god’s plan that will magically turn out all fine in the end– nope, there’s nothing at all that can be corrected by magic spells from invisible beings –

This is so to then re-consider what we teach to our own children and how it is that within seemingly innocent points, we in fact create conflicts wherein the child is forced to BELIEVE and instill this form of thinking as a valid argument/ excuse to explain reality, relegating physical observation and experimentation to  a single method one learns in school as some type of ‘scientific stuff,’ instead of actually applying physical observation, experimentation and realizations as actual tools to get to know ourselves.

Yes, we have duped ourselves/ each other and that’s a constant within this current world system – are we willing to remain the same way as we do now? I don’t. I can’t, we can’t, we would deplete our entire planet if we continue this way – and once again ‘If you tolerate this, then you children will be next,’ and there’s no threat in that, it’s a fact.

Time to STOP religious and spiritual elitism and the implantation of beliefs about ‘benevolence’ existent only as self interest in our minds with no real action/ deeds that are in fact directed to ‘sweeten’ our ears with great promising futures that only be realized in fact if we dare to give such ‘divine benefits’ to all as equals – what? Yes, then there would be no Specialness but equalization of Life to ensure that there is no more delusional hierarchical ‘services’ at the expense of those deliberately left out of the ‘special ones’ –

This will certainly be Self-Forgiven, how else could we stand up from our own ignorance and deliberate neglect to believe that through thinking positive we could all benefit from ‘our creation’ and that those that suffer have no actual response as to why we have abandoned their situation as something we’d rather ‘not see’ within our ‘creative abilities’ of all the good, positive and fluffy experiences in “life”created only in our minds, while reality wails on an actual need that not many are willing to see, recognize as our responsibility and act upon it beginning with ourselves by Not tapping on to positive messages, spirituality or any other form of self abuse through ignorance.

 

Ask yourself: what will society be like once there are no more TV ‘blatantly rich’ and famous people all the time? What will children be and become once that any relationship with god disappears as the policeman in the head and what’s left is absolute self responsibility for ourselves as this physical world.

No more spiritual delusions of Grandeur, no more paranoia, no more justifying the lives of those that are part of the ‘contrast’ to a so-called benevolence/ goodness of man that is no where to be found, no more justified crimes against life in equality. Bingo: all win.

Please hear:

The Missing Piece – Response to Abraham Hicks

No more Bad Luck in an Equal Money System

 

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Interviews:


147. Hissy Fit: Cleaning Demonic Possession

 

Today after listening to the Whale interviews – which supported me to also get back ‘down to Earth’ after getting pissed off at irresponsible situations going on ‘at home’ –  I realized how Thinking is Self Interest even if such interest in this case is getting pissed off and KNOWING IT – and still acting out on it  – furthermore I realized how through thinking we have denied/closed off and diminished ourselves to only see a VERY limited version of our reality, we get stuck on a minute version of what WE are able to see, realize and understand and experience in our minds only, while there’s an entire existence going on in this reality with beings that are far more aware than ourselves about us human beings and this entire existence while we simply decide to annihilate and exterminate animals for whatever reason we might ‘think’ it is appropriate to do so. Wow, really, wow – and all of this I realized after going through one of Marlen’s greatest fears:  finding a house absolutely dirty after I leave for only a week after several months.

1st point: my ‘plans’ were disturbed (pattern of getting out of routine/ expected future projection) the moment that I came in and saw the mess – and decide that I have to clean it up as there is no way I can leave the mess as is for one more second.

– – Thoughts: I cannot possibly let this all remain as is, it is unbelievable, I have to clean it all up

Imagination: this existed as an image that came up during the first hours of the day and future projecting myself being back home, in my ‘work space’ and focusing on my tasks.I was aiming at getting back home early and get back on track to everything that I had to do – instead, I spent hours cleaning and arranging what was ‘my own fear/ nightmare’ in terms of precisely having evading leaving the city for

1. wasting time

2. coming back and finding an entire mess in the house – kitchen specifically as I obviously have no say in people’s rooms

Backchat chart:

  • – I leave and everyone just stops giving a fuck about cleaning at all
  • – this is WHY I don’t like fucking leaving the house, everything turns into a mess when I’m not around here
  • – why can’t THEY take Responsibility for cleaning up after ALL THIS TIME!
  • – It is IMPOSSIBLE that at this stage, they are STILL doing this even though they KNOW it is unacceptable
  • -WHY Can’t they just have a BIT of consideration
  • – And endless coursing that ‘I KNEW’ I was shouting out loud

 

Yes, anger, I have written about it for a long time – and even remembering when I was so surprised when anger was like a point that I had simply covered up with an image of ‘Everything is just fine in the world!’ and when getting to see the actuality of it all, anger emerged – suppressed realization of what I had deliberately neglected/ dismissed in my reality and then deliberately acting upon anger itself. Yes, Deliberately – and this can lead to Who am I as Deliberate acting-out in anger?

What are the physical points within this mind-cleaning-demonic-possession frame of mind within acting out in anger: Grabbing all the dishes piled up on the sink with all the food clogging the tube and tossing them into a wooden box, grabbing the cleaning gloves, sponges, detergent/ cleaning liquid and spilling it all over the stove, tables, sink to start scrubbing away the ‘dirt’ – every spot I would turn my eyes to, I’d find just some other fine mess –  gather all the rotting organic garbage out of the kitchen, take out the trash, grab broom and start sweeping to then mix water and literally throw water on the floor to clean it, all of it while cursing and pushing stuff that would be deliberately ‘standing on my way.’  It’s not the first time that happens and I have ‘vowed’ myself to stop it, however in my mind the self-righteous point of ‘I CAN get angry because there is No responsibility taken’ emerges. The backchat in such moment was actually spoken out loud, and – here comes the point -‘I KNOW/ I KNEW’ that I was doing it, I was ‘perfectly aware of it’ – then, why didn’t I stop? – I have written about self-righteousness when getting angry about abuse, and so I had the opportunity to ask Enlil today about confusion with regards to this righteousness to be angry and the relationship formed when facing any situation of abuse.  Yes, Enlil, Mr. Relationship-formations co-founder of humanity Inc.

Marlen, lol – seems you really want to be/become angry at abuse –

that’s cool, meaning that is a ‘first step’ – but what happens when you get angry is that the abuse wins, because you react – the same as when bullied, for example –

you react in terms of what the bully intended, the bully wins, the system is throwing things at humanity’s face essentially to have you react, cause the moment you react, you’re powerless cause the mind takes over in that moment,

and every time you react – you react, and don’t use the time in-between to stand / establish solutions, everyone is in some way or another angry and always have been, but there come a time when the anger must be transcended, must take a breath, must realise it’s here and must realise it’s going to take time to change and self getting angry about it won’t change it, and doesn’t make self a better person for being angry
 

what does determine self is what you walk to change it in the actions you live

 

the anger, it’s also an interesting point because in a way one rather want to get angry than having to admit to the point that it’s going to take time to change; like we don’t want to go to that realisation that it’s going to take time, there’s nothing one can do about it RIGHT NOW – so it’s a fear of going into that realisation, that it is too late to change it all NOW, and that it’s going to be a process and so we get angry, more at ourselves really and the sense of powerlessness we experience; but you cannot let the anger/powerlessness diminish you

 

– Pointer to look at within this context:  

  • –I Expected ‘them’ to Already Know that they Have to clean/ take the trash out/ leave the kitchen clean before leaving for the weekend
  • – I ‘hoped’ it would happen, I believed that I didn’t have to remind them because I ‘assumed’ that they are aware of what they have to do after (adding more ‘charge to the possession’) 2 years of being living together
  • — I was aware of being angry and deliberately deciding to shout and curse in that moment – who am I within this moment and this split second decision? I take the point of being righteous as the mind and decide to get possessed by the moment, wherein, as Enlil clarified: cause the moment you react, you’re powerless cause the mind takes over in that moment, and this justified from the self-righteous desire to say: “It is Unbelievable that they Still haven’t gotten the point, they can’t be self-responsible about their own shit”

 

What do we have? Anger projected at others within the realization that I in fact ‘expected’ others to act/ be / do what I expected them to do, realizing that after ‘all this time’ they haven’t changed and still require policeman in the head to change – believing that because we’ve had confrontations about the same cleaning thing in the past, they would ‘learn’ from it and change, meaning: this time ensuring they do take care of their own stuff while I’m not at home – Believing that we have ‘matured’ our relationship as house mates and they were ‘doing better’ now – in terms of being more considerate – Believing that 2 years would be enough to change an entire lifetime of personal habits of cleaning just because of ‘being living here’  –  believing that they would read notes on the wall of what to do and what not to do, not realizing we as humanity have done all of this and taken it to the next level of negligence, sometimes or the majority of the times.

 

And if I actually look at it from the perspective Enlil shared here, it was me in fact feeling ‘powerless’ because they were not at home for me to exert my anger onto them and shout in from of their face – as I write I realize that I am trying to bring up other points like them leaving the door  of the house open in order for me to get some condescending readers about this, but no. I realized  how I was angry at myself for having expected the house to be a particular way – not meeting my expectations that were also a possibility to turn into a fear and so, some equations took place and I reacted to this point/ event that could have been the outflow.

 

Being Self-Honest, I was in fact angry at me getting angry at the exact same type of situations I thought I was ‘transcended’ or not as ‘reactive’ as before – however, I still went into it, I ‘did it anyway’ and as such, this deliberate acts have consequences for not having actually breathed through it and simply direct myself to still clean up everything as I had realized I would from the get go . My body hurts in various spots as I realize that any little strain it is as painful as having run a marathon in a matter of hours.

And if we look at the points wherein I am projecting blame on to others, it is in fact the exact same points we ALL do. I ‘know’ I should stop, but I ‘gave into’ the anger anyways – and it is a point that I see and realize is not to be further judged, but realized as a simple way to reflect how everything that we judge about others is in fact what I am doing within myself.

I also realize I can only react to such an extent if I have in fact accumulated negative energy-experiences as thoughts that I can only exert as a point of accumulation triggered by apparent ‘external factors.’ I see that in the moment that I saw the overflowing pile of dishes, I ‘made the decision’ to become possessed in anger – and it’s is a fuckup, yes but I am also seeing how it works, and this is also thanks to the  Quantum Mind Self Awareness interviews to see how we in fact do have a moment to decide who and what we decide to be and exist as in every moment: breath or a mind-possession taking over.

Thinking, becoming emotional, and justifying anger is still of the mind as only a mind can react according to its own parameters of what is dirty, what is abuse, what is ‘too much’ based on memory – so, it’s to remember:

the anger must be transcended, must take a breath, must realise it’s here and must realise it’s going to take time to change and self getting angry about it won’t change it, and doesn’t make self a better person for being angry

 

So, I’ll be walking the various points here now that I’ve laid out the plot, the spoiler and placed the point into perspective to see where and how shoving away our thoughts can also create an accumulation that awaits to be exerted at the least ‘provocation’ –

Is it really necessary to live this way? No, it is not living, it is only reacting as expected based on patterns – who do I decide to be: a predictable pattern or a physical body that decides to walk the points – any point – as breath?

I Choose Life. Self Responsibility at all times

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

7 Year Journey To Life 

Déjalo atrás

 

MUST Read Blogs

to Understand who we are as the Mind, what we have done As the mind and our commitment to stop continuing this reality as is due to our accepted and allowed participation:

Ever wondered what Real Enlightenment can be? I discovered it today, the most humbling interviews are the ones directed by the Animal Kingdom at Eqafe, revealing ourselves how little-to-nothing do we in fact ‘know’ about ourselves – time to realize what is real, fellow humans:

A humbling series of explanations about LIFE, the animal kingdom, marine biology and human communication – this is the first seAssion with the whales and all you’ll end up realizing is how on Earth could we ever claim any form of ‘scientific evolution’ or human evolution for that matter while disregarding the beings that are in fact Aware of themselves as this entire existence – and what are we human beings doing onto them? We all know – Time to OPEN OUR EYES and Educate ourselves with something that has Never ever been shared in the history of humanity, it’s about time we HEAR what we never even ‘thought’ would be possible.


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