Category Archives: living potential

513. How to Live the Word Control?

Or exploring the negative aspects of control in order to see the supportive potential that this word contains as well for my life

The first association that comes to this word is definitely ‘control-freak’ which is one of the things I’ve shared about throughout these blogs as an aspect to change about myself and that has been most challenging to me, and what I’ve discovered is that there are fears behind the desire to control something or someone.

What is the nature I accept and allow myself to exist as ‘control’? Looking underneath it, it’s fear and fear usually related to judgments, perceptions, ideas I have about myself of something that I want to keep ‘as is’ and so attempt to control that something or someone to remain in a particular perspective or way that ‘I want it to be’ so that it can benefit me, be my point of comfort, preference or self-interest – which means that my imposition of control over something or someone is coming from the various points of preferences, personalities, characters that I’ve become and that I’ve used as an excuse, reason or justification to want things to be a certain way, to fit ‘my idea’ of how things should be and some other times, to not have to change something in my life and remain in a comfortable status-quo.

This time I approach this word to clear it up in my immediate or conscious associations which are mostly related to negative things as I can see, stuff relating to what I have comically defined as ‘the fascist’ in me, the absolutist, dictatorial, control-freak, and bluntly wanting others to do what I consider is better or ‘more right’ according to ‘my standards.’ This is why I have been – to a certain extent – applying and living the word flexibility, to curb these impulses or automated patterns in me, but I recognize it might still be at very superficial levels where I am mostly stopping my impulse to control, but at the same time haven’t actually embraced or integrated the expression of flexibility as who I am, because many times I still catch myself having this tension as a form of ‘control’ of myself in my mind coming through in over-analyzing, being judgmental, too strict, too exigent, wanting things to be done in a particular way, etc. And this means then that there’s more to understand and integrate of the word flexibility within myself, along with tuning into the physical nature of who I am as life that needs no fears to exist, but is, expresses, lives, grows, expands, adapts, lets others be.

Here I’m getting to see that it’s not like the word control should be all things that are ‘bad’ and negative, there is another way to live this word and it is related to an ability to direct ourselves which I had considered only partially as in the expression ‘controlling one’s emotions,’ but I have mostly associated that at the same time as a way to refrain them, contain and ultimately suppress which is not at all a directive decision, but more like a ‘stopping’ without much awareness into it or understanding on why one should do that.

Self-control I see as an ability to direct oneself, I associate it with a moderation, a volition, a will that we can apply and live out as oneself. It is like living out the notion of ‘putting a guard in front of your mind or mouth’ where one can prevent consequences, prevent emotional or feeling outbursts by maintaining a continuous awareness of oneself in one’s mind and physical body and making decisions or choices that are supportive for oneself. And in times like today where a lot of the mental problems come from a point of one not being able to control one’s thoughts, experiences any longer, I see it as a primary point of self-support to develop, even more so when we already know we have certain habits, addictions, patterns that are not supportive for oneself – that’s where self-control can be applied but not only to prevent problems, but as a way to generate or develop the better aspects or potential of ourselves too.

At a world system level I have seen the word control as something that is imposed by those in elitist positions out of fear of not having people doing ‘what they will’, but at the same time within understanding our current human nature, I also see control as a needed measure considering how we have become unreliable in our own minds to in fact be, live and do ‘what is best for all’ – I mean, I would say that control is something tyrannical if we were all living completely by principles that benefit all life, but we’re not . So in essence we have created our own ‘elites’ that represent that ‘police man in the head’ in a system like this in order to keep some order; this form of control represents more of a consequence of us not learning to live and consider each other as equals, to respect, honor and regard each other in the best way possible. If that had been our ‘way of living’ then we would not be needing any form of control or external restraint, if there was self-restraint as a basic common sensical consideration that we can have in every moment to think, act and do what is best for all, then we would be living in actual ‘free societies’, but we’re not living this at the moment – hence all the systems of control that are evolved more and more over time and will continue to do so until we realize how we are causing such upgrades in control systems.

Here then bringing both dimensions from the personal to the external of the word ‘control’ and how once that I remove the fear, judgments, beliefs, preferences and personalities behind control, it can exist as a form of self-direction, of consideration, of directing ourselves to live what is best for oneself in common sense = considering everyone and everything as equal to oneself, where we no longer have to ‘maintain’ an ego, ‘maintain’ an idea or perception of oneself towards others, where we no longer have to ‘manage consequences’ but instead deciding to control oneself as the impetus of ‘speaking our mind’ as it’s usually said, where the best of us can become the directive principle in our minds, beings and bodies in every moment – and so control, direct, move, ourselves in a way that is most supportive for ourselves and so everyone else.

Where did I get the idea to investigate this word ‘control’? From the following audio Rebirth with Bruce Lee – The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 101 that I found very supportive to expand my vision about expressing words and learning to see the word ‘control’ beyond the usual negative connotations I had imposed onto it and so, explore the ways in which I can live it and make it a supportive one, turn it into a word I can live instead of immediately linking it to a form of ‘policeman in the head’ or ‘totalitarian’ and ‘restrictive’ in a negative sense out of fear, but instead see that it is an aspect and potential of ourselves that can be lived as a form of self-discipline and ultimately as a point of self-honor and respect, to live the best of ourselves and stopping giving our breaths of life to the worst of part of us, while still then directing ourselves to work with it to understand it, self-forgive it and then decide to live and be the best version of ourselves. 

Thanks for reading

 

Three Kings

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


494. Self-Motivation: Do It For Yourself

Some years ago I wrote about self-motivation and it’s a recurring topic within me because this is probably one of the most challenging things I’ve had to face in this process, which is that of understanding what ‘myself-moving-for-and-as-myself’ in fact means, because as human beings we’ve always been motivated/moved/driven by energy in the form of fears or desires, by a particular set of achievements that we create as an ideal ‘out there’ that we push ourselves to obtain. I heard somewhere yesterday – or today – about a hypothetical case where someone based their entire life on obtaining something, and when they finally got it, they did not know what to do with themselves. Lol, it’s funny I can’t remember where I got it from but it stuck with me because it prompted me to realize how much we have driven the entirety of our creation based on ‘achieving’ something outside of ourselves or getting something that we believe will fulfill us or make us ‘feel better’… yet we can eventually ‘get that’ and realize there’s still this ‘void’ or ‘un-fulfillment’ within us, which is because we made that ‘something’ the core-drive of our every move, instead of making of ourselves the core-drive and motivation of our every move to be and create what we set ourselves to do in this world.

That’s why here I’d like to look at self-motivation.

See, the point is not so much about finding things to do ‘out there’ and making them our drive or purpose, because I consider giving ourselves a purpose is something that we all have to create in our lives in order to live in a supportive manner. The point here is to look at ‘who we are’ within that purpose and ensuring that we are the starting point and motive/motor of such purpose at the same time.

What does this in fact mean? It implies that one has to do it for oneself, even if that which we are doing, working on or creating is ‘for something else’ or even to serve a particular purpose in someone else’s life, the starting point has to always be oneself so that no matter what happens to that which we create or work on, we know that every single moment of breath and movement of ourselves was lived within the starting point of supporting ourselves, of living that ability to move, to live, to direct, to challenge ourselves, to persevere in doing something that ultimately makes us grow and become better individuals every day, no matter what the outcome is.

I am finding it a bit hard to explain what it is like to wake up every day and have oneself as a motivation and starting point for everything, where fear is not really a motivation, nor a desire for money, nor wanting to ‘get something’ in particular either, but simply moving throughout the day based on a set of principles where I have to essentially in every moment decide to ‘move me’, I decide ‘to do things’, I decide to ‘get out of my comfort zone’, I decide to do what needs to be done, what I need to direct, create, take care of and expand on.

In my experience, it has been a constant point to create an equilibrium on, that’s how I can best describe it because I have been one of those people that had mostly ever worked on things and been very diligent in stuff in order to get some recognition, to do something that’s ‘really great’ but still get my ‘share of applause’ back, and living for that is just something that invariably leads oneself to a low, because the starting point is then getting an experience that is entirely dependent on others, on likes/dislikes, judgments, opinions, perceptions, moods, biases, lol… and the plethora of human emotions and feelings that I could get back as a response to ‘what I do’ which I have realized throughout this process from consciousness to awareness that it became more of a petrifying-process than a gratifying one at the end of the day. I knew I had to completely let go of ‘others’ in my head or this something/someone else I was ‘moving myself for’ and be my own starting point to be, do, act, live and express myself.

Has it been easy? Nope, I’ve caught myself over the years many times fooling me that ‘this time I am doing it to support me’ but I wasn’t, I still would have some hidden agenda to do something, be something to ‘impress others’ or get some kind of recognition ‘from others’ – yep! That has been the core programming in me and so it is an every moment decision to focus back on myself, to do it for me, to express it as something that I do as myself, for myself, no expectations, no desires, no fears behind it.

It’s easy to say but it’s been quite a process where I many times still question my intent and purpose behind doing something, but at the same time I’ve also found that stopping questioning it assists in simply breathing through a moment, trusting myself and walking the creation of something and walking through the outcomes of it. This way, letting go of expectations is quite a supportive thing to do because in any case, any idea, judgment, perception that anyone may have about something I did or didn’t do, is still that, a point of expression coming from others that can surely can be a feedback point, but it comes as a secondary thing once that I first establish me, myself as my core and starting point to do things and ultimately doing what I do in the name of my own bettering as a person and standing as that one point in this reality that can at the same time contribute to creating what I’ve always wanted us all to create: better world, better lives for everyone.

An example with self-motivation and money.  If we judge a world where money defines the value of a person, or where money is defended and cared for more than someone’s life, we have to stop then also moving ourselves merely by a desire for money for example, and instead see the current necessity for money as something that enables us to keep living, to have a roof over our heads, to continue creating means of living, to be healthy – if we use the money properly, that is – but in this way of looking at it, money stops being an ‘end’ in itself, it only becomes a means to keep myself/ourselves alive in order to continue learning how to actually live in the best way possible where I can then be the best I can for myself and so for others, to truly ‘birth life from the physical’ as every word, every action, every decision that I can make through being alive, through having money to keep myself alive and well – that’s about it that I see for now with myself and money.

At the same time I salute everyone else that is conducting bigger projects with money and that’s quite awesome as well where the use and purpose of money is for the creation of a living-environment that can be replicated in many other places around the world and be of support not only to humans, but plants, animals and ecosystems alike. I suggest checking out Gian’s Earth Haven project for it, and that’s a great example of motivation as well where money is used in a direct and visible manner to educate, propose ways of living and actually build them out in reality.

 

I share my own example where assisting other people in this same process is motivated by a greater purpose that I decided to be a part of in this world, which includes me and everyone else’s life to be the best that we can create it to be. This then comes through my own dedication and building up of skills through the years, expanding my own understanding and potential where I can assist myself and others to be their best version of themselves. What I’ve come to discover is that I genuinely enjoy being able to assist people in birthing themselves/ourselves as life, to discover who we really are beneath the clogging-mess that we can create in our minds and that’s a purpose and point of self-motivation that I had sought in many places, in many ways but had not really found anything as personally fulfilling as being a buddy or life-birthing assistant – as I like to call myself – wherein I am learning so much more about myself and others which in a way I sought to do through arts like reading books, painting, looking at art or music, but none of it quenched my thirst so to speak.

It’s fascinating how the contact with human beings in a deeper manner and with a direct and concrete focus to better ourselves, to change ourselves for the best is precisely what I’ve found most fulfilling to do in my life, which is great because as I explained in yesterday’s blog, I didn’t ‘like people’ and I was directing myself to be as separated from people as much as I could, being engulfed in my own little realm of pseudo-comfort, not having to ‘deal with people’… but, it is in dealing ‘with people’ and actually getting to understand the sometimes ‘nonsensical’ experiences we create in our minds and learning to take on the challenge to step out of such limitations that I’ve found a self-fulfilling activity where not only do I stand as the origin and starting point of it, understanding that if this is what I can do and am good at doing, then I am fulfilling both purposes: what I am and stand for and move myself to support others in doing the same, which is also why I write these blogs as well.

Many times throughout the past every time that I started ‘second guessing’ sharing my writings was because I was not being ‘the starting point’ of those writings as myself – meaning I was not my own point of self-movement/self-motivation – but I was trying to ‘show’ something to others, I was trying to get a point across only ‘for others’ and that eventually becomes a trap of ‘doing it for others’ as in having ‘others as my motivation’ for me writing myself, instead of doing it as an expression, a movement, a decision I make and simply live out and do.

So this is how I remember I have been practicing – with its ups and downs, clearly – since I wrote the blog Self Will: If I don’t move … Nothing Moves back in 2011, how self movement and my own will, my own volition as a decision I live becomes ‘who I am’ with everything I do. It is liberating and empowering at the same time to see and try out ‘who am I’ if I move myself for myself, as myself, no hidden agendas, no expected outcomes, no desires hidden, no fears in it either… but only a plain decision to move, willing myself to do it and continue doing it as an expression, an extension of myself, an ‘I move me’ decision. It’s very simple really but in our minds it does mean a process of disengaging having ‘others’ in the back of our heads or a particular experience we might get out of it, or a particular ‘outcome’ or ‘result’ as an outflow of what we do and that’s been a continuous challenge for me that I have to essentially cut-off and let-go-of anytime that this ‘doing it for something/someone’ rears its head.

If I am Not doing it for myself or as myself, whatever it is that I am ‘motivating’ myself with to move, will eventually crash down only to take me back to base 1 where I have to again re-establish myself as my starting point of self-movement or motivation. And this is ok to repeat and do as many times as it is needed to stand up from this, because at least in my case it’s easy to step out of oneself and start creating motivation through a desire for an experience or particular outcome, which is when we stop being our own reason and starting point for self-movement, self-expression and self-motivation and we give ourselves away to something/someone else.

How to tell then if we are our starting point in whatever we are doing? By questioning our starting point in doing or not doing things, because oh boy, I’ve been there where ‘not doing something’ was also a way to make some kind of a statement ‘for others out there’ and it really was a waste of time and inertia for nothing. Therefore, all I can recommend is to make sure that whenever we see doing something ‘for others’ I can immediately look back at myself and see what I am willing to live and do as and for myself and remove ‘others’ as an idea in my head.

This is something I was recently pondering about in relation to my appearance and how I have shaved my head for 7 years now due to the commitment I made for/as/with myself, but lately I’ve been giving too much attention to ‘how it is seen by others’ and whether it is supportive to engage with others and creating a possibly ‘wrong first impression’… but upon writing this here on motivation or the ‘motive’ behind things I do, I realize that I am again in that doubtful stance where I am placing others in my mind first instead of myself, and this doesn’t mean not to consider feedback or comments about it, but in the end, I do have to consider myself: what I want, what I am in relation to this point of appearance and making sure that if I decide to stop doing it, it’s not based on what others are desiring of myself as a ‘look’ because it is ultimately ‘just a look’ – but it would only be an decision motivated by me, making a decision and living it out. It is a fine balance between righteousness and actual considerations, which is something I’ll simply look at whenever the point is here again, and that’s why I started off this blog by sharing how this is probably one of those ‘challenging subjects’ because there’s always a fine line between motivating oneself based on what we believe we ‘are’ for others or ‘should be’ for others, and being and doing so for ourselves, standing for ourselves and I’d say for the first time learn to have me-myself and only ourselves as a starting point and end-point in our minds.

In doing this, as it’s been said many times, if we are the best to and for ourselves, standing in authenticity and authority within ourselves, being the director and motive behind every move and every decision to live, change and express, then we entirely own ourselves, we are responsible of ourselves and we are then at the same time also an individual that is part of a whole that stands in self-responsibility, in self-creation. What a better way to ‘change the world’ but through doing this by and for each one of us, individually. That’s the real path to equality we’ve been looking for, that’s the real liberation that we’ve been demanding others to create for us… and that’s something that it is very much available for each one of us in our minds, bodies and beingness, lol, it takes a decision, a will and self-movement to live it and do it though!

So, that’s the challenge here for everyone and myself, to keep an eye on ourselves within our every move and try out asking yourself whenever you are unsure of ‘what’s moving you’: who am I doing this for? What am I looking for with doing or not doing this? What’s my starting point in this that I am about to create, express, change, do, move? And from there assess potential outcomes to see if they are genuinely supportive for oneself and so for others.

Though not to get confused with ‘likes and dislikes’ either. Many times we have to do things that we may NOT like to do, but again it’s not to get lost in the outcomes of say working in a particular job where the results are not necessarily that of ‘uplifting humanity’ but it is about being the starting point in the sense of the words we can live in such situations: the discipline, the motivation/movement in itself, the dedication, the management of our emotions and reactions in such situations, the relationships with others on a daily basis, the points that we can learn about ourselves in such situations and environments where we can instead expand ourselves beyond our preferences or personalities, the kind of habits that we can assist ourselves to make certain tasks or points of responsibility the best way that we can… there’s always room for self-improvement, no matter ‘what’ we have to do for a living or how we have to ‘spend our days’ in this world – it’s about who we are inside and doing it to support us, no matter what the ‘makeup’ of the reality we live in is like, this is all about who we are within ourselves in it.

Ok, long blog but, cool reflection for myself to continue grounding this self-trust on self-movement and learning from it.

Thanks for reading

 

waterfall

 

Join us in our process of Self-Responsibility as LIFE


484. Redefining Desires

Or how to see what we are separating ourselves from in wishful thinking to instead see what is feasible and what we can change or create in our lives for our personal and collective betterment.

desire

noun a strong feeling of wanting to have something or wishing for something to happen. strong sexual feeling or appetite. something desired.

 

When I read some texts on Buddhism 10 years ago, it was mentioned how getting rid of desires was the way to end all suffering which I considered for some time to apply, but as I’ve explained in various previous blogs over the years, I wasn’t taught how to actually understand my desires, how to work with my experience instead of just focusing on ‘shutting my mind up’ and ‘stop all my desires’ right away, which felt like renouncing, separating myself from something and remaining in a ‘lack’ that I was then supposed to perceive as ‘the end to all of my suffering’= see it in a positive light.

Well, this approach certainly did not work for me because I didn’t see the point of simply focusing on being in some ‘inner stability’ and remaining in a ‘Buddha’ type of mindset where one is literally creating a separation to the ‘mundane’ in order to focus on some ‘higher consciousness’ experience. By now I have seen how that state is still only an experience in our minds and it practically doesn’t assist us in becoming better active living human beings in this world empowered to change things.

Over the years I have been aware of this point of desires and to what extent we can create a besotted infatuation about something or someone wherein it becomes the one thought that drives our experience in a constant manner if we don’t decide to confront it and investigate it to see it for what it is.

I was looking at this word ‘desire’ with my partner the other day and he mentioned how ‘desire’ sounds like ‘these-I-are’ which I found very interesting because if we look at desire and the definition in the dictionary, it’s very similar to ‘hope’ in the sense that we fuel a want, a need, a wish for something to happen or be given to us without us doing anything to create it, which this sounding of the word assists us in realizing: these-I-are or ‘this I are’ as in realizing that what we are ‘desiring’ we are already existing in separation of – so, ‘these- I-are’ sounding of the word can be a way to remind ourselves that what we are ‘desiring’ is indicating a set of experiences, of fantasies, or possibilities that we have to first ground within ourselves in order to see how much of this desire is realistic, doable, practical and most important, if it is in accordance to what is supportive for our lives in consideration of what’s best for all.

Let’s look at a couple of examples. Desiring to be successful in life is something very common in our lives. One thing that I’ve also learned to see in desires is to at the same time of acknowledging this desire as a ‘positive point’, there is also an opposite point existing as ‘the negative’ part of it – this is based on how our mind works/operates at a mechanical level. Therefore in this ‘desire to be successful, there’s also a counter-point in its opposite polarity existing as a Fear.

In this example it can be a fear of failure, fear of ending up in poverty, fear of not getting an achieved status or position, fear of not getting the expected results into that which we want to succeed on. This is a very common sensical and grounding approach to see a ‘Desire’ as an opening of a self-investigation of ‘these-I-are’ thoughts and experiences as our fears and desires, as the points of separation that we’ve created in our minds that we have to face, look at, investigate, write out and self-forgive to then see who we really are and who we decide to be in relation to these wants, needs, desires and the fears that accompany such experience of desiring.

Through the process of applying the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, developing self-corrective statements, we can get to create and see our self-honesty about our desires: Are they realistic, are they doable or not? Are they common sensical as in considering what’s best for all? In the example of desiring success, we can get to realize how ‘success’ is not something that will get in our hands just like money raining down the sky – it won’t ever happen that way. We will find out how we have to actively create success, how to go step by step, bit by bit, developing a consistency, a perseverance, an active process of planning, doing, testing, expanding and finding ways and relationships that can assist us to get – slowly but surely – to a point of stability, growth, thriving and expansion through one’s own labor, through one’s own dedication, passion and consistency in creating what it is that we want to achieve.

Here a ‘desire’ then turns into a point that we can plan on, that we can turn into a set of plans, ways, methods to achieve what we want for our lives and that of others – then we are no longer caught day-dreaming within ‘a desire’ but instead, one can get hands on to create it, to make it a reality.

But let’s look at another example. Desiring someone else’s partner while we are in a relationship ourselves. It’s not something we would easily admit yet it can happen and it can become a ‘desire’ that we are fueling with our every thought on a daily basis and we are not even really questioning, what is it that we ARE in fact desiring, seeing the direct consequences of what it would mean to wreak havoc in relationships in order to satisfy an ‘idea,’ most likely a belief and a ‘positive experience’ that we have created in our minds about that other person that we’ve turned into a ‘desirable item’ for us, which is unfortunately something I have done in the past, and as much as one can be ashamed for it, being ashamed changes nothing. I had to ensure that I learn from the experience and no longer repeat the same in any way from now on, which means I have to investigate what am I desiring as a ‘person’ and instead doing the same self-investigation mentioned above to see and understand what am I separating myself from in relation to that person? What traits or qualities am I seeing as ‘separate’ from me that instead of desiring to ‘acquire them’ through a relationship, I can live out and integrate as a part of myself?

In this process of investigating how feasible, doable and supportive this example of desire is, I can realize that it’s not at all something acceptable, it’s not something that is best for me nor for the other person for that matter, where I am overseeing the fact that I am actually desiring relationship breakups in order to get together with that one person that I believe is going to ‘be better for me’ in one way or another. This point here we usually miss out when simply feeding and building up a desire, without at all really laying out the potential consequences of manifesting our desires. Therefore how I saw the point, it was not even a question that this desire is something that I have to self-forgive for all the points I am missing out as consequences I would create, while only existing in and following an experience of desiring something or someone, without placing my feet on the ground.

This reality check that we can do with our desires from my personal experience has to be at a written level, with the tools of self-forgiveness and self-honesty in order to acknowledge our creation, our responsibility and see where do we really want to stand in relation to our fabrications in our mind. There is something essential about this process of being able to see ourselves writing or typing out and seeing in front of us all the plethora of thoughts, experiences, fantasies, imaginations that we’ve built up or accumulated about these desires, to finally realize ‘these-I-are’ as these thoughts, these feelings are myself and I have to work through them all to from there see what do I decide to change, to stop feeding as ‘a desire in me’ and how can I instead use this realization into a supportive outcome for myself and so others as well.

In the topic of relationships, sometimes it is an indication of where we have to instead focus on our already existent relationship with another – or the relationship with ourselves, alone – and see how can we improve it, how can we expand in it, how can we use this ‘weakness’ perceived in ourselves or others and instead assist each other to change it, to strengthen ourselves which in turn makes the relationship a much more supportive platform for personal and so each other’s growth. While also making sure that we ‘leave the other person subject of our desires’ outside of our realm of fantasies and imaginations making a decision to stop feeding it every single moment that it ‘comes up’ again in our thoughts.  If we are to create a world where transparency, integrity, honor and respect reigns, we have to apply and live those principles within ourselves and toward each other first of all.

Here I have shared two examples of desires that indicates to us where do we have to create a direction in our lives to build and create what we want to be and become – and another example of a desire that is mostly indicating where we are separating ourselves from ourselves, where we can look at ways to integrate words, ways of living that we see others are doing for themselves and become that ourselves, which is where the ‘these-I-are’ reminder also comes handy, I have the potential to be that which I am desiring from someone else, I can work on developing and becoming those aspects or words as myself.

This is a genuinely empowering way to look at desires where we no longer just ‘renounce’ or ‘deny’ the desires in an attempt to ‘shut them up’ or pretend they don’t’ exist – no. Within the Desteni I Process, we face our desires, we open them up, we work with them, we learn how to understand the ways in which we are separating ourselves from our own potential, while also assisting ourselves to remain realistic and self-honest about what is possible to do or not do according to what we would ‘ideally’ want vs. what is realistic and doable for each one of us to build and create in our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

Desires

 

Learn how to practically free yourself from Desires:


483. Standing Our Ground in the Physical

Or how to practically apply the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ in our physical process.

Sharing here some of what we opened up in an Eqafe hangout today with Garbrielle, where we could look at a practical way of understanding what it means to decide ‘Who I Am’ in every moment based on the two ‘options’ that we exist as and ‘have’ as a potential of self creation: for the bettering of ourselves, or for the worse or remaining stuck in a status quo in our minds.

The premise is that we are existing as a triad of parts/aspects that conform who we are as human beings: we have the mind, a being/beingness and physical body.

The mind exists as all the points of separation as the relationships to energy that we have formed and existed as which is everything that leads us to create or recreate the worst aspects of ourselves: self-sabotage, compromise, addictive patterns, destructive behaviors, only seeing problems, creating notions of polarities like inferiority and superiority, morality and the rest of our ‘mind subjects’ that are in no way physical per se, but that we end up making physical when we act upon them.

We have our physical body which is the element of substance, of life manifested, that exists as the living and physical example of what it means to be in stability, consistency, resilience, flexibility, adaptability, self-regulation and even autonomy dare I say because we have no idea all of the processes that our bodies go through in order to keep itself alive and adapting to all of the challenges in the environment, processing what we eat but also most importantly having to assimilate, digest and buffer all the experiences, the energetic experiences that we impose onto it through our participation in our minds.

Then we have the beingness or being which is that ‘spark of life’ – some people call it the spirit or our essence – which exists as that potential in all of us to either go on the way of life or go on the way of our minds.  As the word says, it is a Potential, it is not something ‘given’ but we have to directly develop it – it is not something that has been only ‘trapped in our mind’ or anything like that. It is that life within all of us that can go either way, to support the mind – which happens when we for example cannot reason or see a way out in a moment and can be stuck in an experience of anger for example, or an experience of love – different ‘charge’ but same effect – we get blinded by our experience without being able to step out of it in self-awareness. That’s the way that we have been mostly living as, dominated by energies, experiences, desires, fears and not establishing a directive principle in really looking at what would be most supportive for us to live, to decide to do or be. 

This implies that in the same way that this potential can be used for all things that are not supportive, we can also decide to take the other road of actually directing ourselves to self-creation, self-growth, self development as human beings, as life, which becomes a very real choice and so decision in every moment that we are alive in our day.

 

In the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ the point is recognizing that we have these three parts that we are ‘made of’ or composed of, which are now completely merged and fused, which means that it is not like we can just ‘turn off’ the mind and get rid of that ‘problematic’ aspect of ourselves and suddenly – magically – expect our beingness to come through and be ‘liberated.’ Nope, our mind is ourselves, it is that part of ourselves that we have to get to know, understand, investigate and learn how to ‘walk through it’ with the tools provided within the Desteni I Process: self-writing, self forgiveness, developing self-honesty and walking a practical corrective process that is entirely intended for us to start shifting away from the usual dominance of ‘who we are’ in our minds, into the uncovering, development and expansion that we can create when we decide to stand as and in that potential within our beingness and as our physical body in the name of life, in the name of common sense and what is best for us and so for all.

In that, how I see it, is that we have the two basic elements that will create the possibility for something to be created, something to exist. If we stand as our physical and as our beingness, then that in itself is us making a decision to stand as life, to live life, to direct ourselves in a supportive manner which in turn, becomes a decision and a ‘reasoning’ as well as a practical laying out of solutions that we plan and write out using our mind now as a tool, standing as the directive principle in our mind to no longer ‘fall into the same old patterns’ but now instead we can use our ability to reason, to write, to make assessments, to communicate, to direct ourselves to live the corrections laid out through writing where the mind then becomes this supportive part of ourselves that enables us to also walk through our mind itself and so, start practically changing the ‘dominant’ aspect of ourselves: from the mind as consciousness – with all the energetic experiences, memories, habits that usually lead to a non-supportive outcome  – to life in self-awareness as the physical.

This means we make a decision in our beingness to stand up, to see beyond the ‘usual patterns’ in our mind and instead, tap into the possibilities and potential that exists as our physical body and that aspect of ourselves that can be geared to support ourselves – for example, developing self-awareness, directing ourselves to do things differently and in a more supportive manner, trying out new ways and methods to create solutions to our problems, test out the consequences and outcomes, investigate ways in which we can expand our daily routines and interactions.  

Therefore what is always a decision for us is who do we decide to be: do we decide to go through the way of the mind, of energies, of conflict, of problems without seeing solutions – or do we decide to in a moment stand our ground, decide to do what will assist us and others, do the actual practical work and walking through initial resistances to do that which is ‘out of our script’, stepping out of self-limitations and instead develop the potential of who we can be once that we go stopping and so correcting our ‘usual ways’ of following our minds as energetic experiences.

‘Two or more in my name and I AM there’ – is an equation, two or more elements with the same purpose and intent and the outcome or result is that which each element in that 1+1 is intended to be and do.

This ‘I AM’ in the equation is what we have the ability to define as the decision of ‘who we are’ or ‘who do we decide to be’ in every moment of our days.

An example, if I stand in a moment with a decision to remain in some kind of anger experience or infatuation towards something, in that moment I am allowing myself to be directed through my experience in the mind, affecting the way my physical body feels and consequently, in my beingness as the core of myself, I am seeing ‘no way out’, I am not pushing for solutions or seeing possible ways to work with those experiences and overcome it. That ‘I AM’ that I am creating is that of consciousness, of the mind, of energies, of self-sabotage, of self-destruction and in essence becoming the ‘I AM’ as the lesser version of ourselves, less than our potential.

But if in that same moment where I see myself in the experience of anger and instead I make a decision to no longer drown in the experience but help myself out, like for example: I decide to write about the experience, the inner conflict that led to the anger, understand the experience as my creation, recognize my responsibility to it so that I can then proceed to self forgive it, understand that experience of anger as a part of myself that I have to correct and deal with, to see it as my creation that is here, waiting for me to take a supportive action to correct it and so create a preventive measure and solution to it.

In that moment I as my beingness along with the physical body decide to take the path of integrity, of self-honesty, of self-responsibility, of challenging ourselves to change that experience within us through actively investigating it, finding out the ways in which one can practically live the solution in, through and as our physical bodies that – along with ourselves standing up as our beingness in that decision of do what’s best for all, what’s supportive, of growth and expansion – we live the words and expressions as actions that signify “I AM supporting myself, I AM standing up, I AM taking responsibility, I AM creating life in a supportive manner” here it’s not about just making nice declarations – no, it’s about living these words through actually making the changes that would lead us to truly stand up, to truly live as self-responsible individuals. This is what creates a clear difference between the choice of living in the mind, in the illusions or delusions – or deciding to live in the physical process of self-responsibility, of self-support.

In making a decision to assist ourselves – the beingness/being standing as and with the physical body – enables ourselves to then see the mind as the aspect of ourselves that now has to accept our core decision and so, who we are and what we live through the mind will be directed/guided by us making and living that decision to live life, create life, change ourselves for the better.

What is left then is no other option or function for our mind other than becoming the aspect or part of us that rationalizes the process, that can process it as a living decision and in doing so, the mind is no longer this ‘thing’ that represents and brings up the worst in ourselves, but instead we use it to direct ourselves, to write, to communicate, to interact, to assess, to plan – etc. if we are to create a solid foundation to our lives, we have to decide ‘who we are’ in this ‘I AM’: do we take the road of the mind, energies, consciousness or do we take the road of self-creation, of living, of self-responsibility, self awareness and self honesty?

The choice is always ours, the choice is always existent in every moment where every interaction, every experience becomes an opportunity to live in a better way, in a self-honest and honorable way. It’s about deciding to see and live life differently which is a genuinely empowering and supportive decision and a living process that has changed my life for the best, there’s no doubt about it.

So, how about becoming aware of this basic decision in every moment of our days: can I push to become the better version of me in this moment? What do I have to practically do to achieve this? What limitations do I have to transform into a supportive outcome, one that can truly change our nature that we have tolerated for the worse for so long?

We decide! And that’s empowering

Thanks for reading and if you’d like to watch the hangout, here’s the link:

Atlanteans – The First Encounter with Anu – Part 21

As Garb said: Do I want to be part of the problem or do I want to be part of the solution?

I stand with the latter 🙂

 

Thanks for reading and watching

Two or More in My Name

Learn how to live your potential:


475. Self Commitment in Relationships

Or how to walk through distractions from developing one’s relationship with oneself and another.

 

My point in this process is definitely personal relationships, that’s the ‘weakness’ or ‘weak point’ that I am now in a phase of my life that I have decided to create and stand in to strengthen myself as well as walking with my partner that is walking his own process of becoming a better person as  he has expressed it. I recognize that my relationship is assisting me in precisely learning to transcend a lot of the relationship programming that I have accumulated throughout time and from my past experiences to discover a whole aspect of myself that I hadn’t yet lived in a relationship before, because of still sticking to playing particular roles based on fears or desires within relationships.  

Giving a step of further commitment in a relationship has also been an entirely new terrain that I had placed myself to walk through once before in such consideration, but it didn’t work out as expected though I learned a lot from that one experience to prepare myself for the one I am in now. This commitment in a relationship to one person  sometimes seems outdated or plain fearful to many because one perceives that one is then locked with another for a lifetime and there’s no way around it and one has to ‘stick with it’ no matter what. But, I’ve realized how as with everything a relationship has to be devoid of expectations, beliefs, traditions, cultural ways that can also infiltrate an idea of what a relationship has to be or what a commitment is and how it is represented.

I like the perspectives that were given in a hangout about relationships being something that lasts forever and how these fellow Destonians shared perspective that enabled me to understand how a relationship is something that is assessed and evaluated as one goes living in it. It takes a lot of self honesty here because I’ve been there myself so many times wherein when I am being challenged in my own ways, and the usual thing was to react to those conflicts and  deliberately sabotaging the relationship, giving up on it and not pushing through the difficult times to take my own responsibility in the co-creation process. I’ve been there before in situations of leaving a ‘back door open’ for someone else while in a relationship and the ripple effects this creates even if perceiving oneself to be fully committed and only considering it in one’s mind – as well as acting out on those intentions as well.

This time in the relationship I am in, I’ve been challenged in many ways, to the core of myself dare I say and this is exactly what I wanted in fact, someone that could assist me to outgrow the old me in relationships, with my plethora of expectations and desires of particular ‘ways’ to live a relationship that I have slowly but surely come to redefine into something that is quite new for me and comfortable to say the least, it’s like living with another ‘me’ as in having no particular relationship towards that other person in the old-ways or approaches I had to past partners which would turn into a rollercoaster of conflicts and mixed emotions – and that’s been quite refreshing to me as well.  Here also to remind myself that I can in no way compare anything or anyone for that matter, this is always a trick of our minds to keep us ‘captive’ in ghosts of the past, instead of focusing on what’s here, very much physical and alive to live.

However here a point I walked for myself as a very personal aspect in my writings is ensuring that I am not keeping a ‘door open’ or ‘see possibilities’ outside of my current relationship and reality. Here it is realizing what it means to feed or give one’s time and breath to think about ‘what ifs’ or potential other experiences in relationships, it is about realizing that I am committing to myself, to for the first time fully stick to my principles of self-honesty and the agreement that I have with myself and so with another to stand clear in a relationship without hidden agendas or intentions to ‘keep other possibilities in mind’ or ‘available’ in our lives, not even in a thought-manner.

This is one of those parts of myself that  I have ‘minimized’ or seen as insignificant, thinking I can deal with it completely, that it’s under control – but, oh reality challenges oneself in the most awesome ways really where I have had to stand very clear in a form of self-discipline with regards to my relationship and work out a lot this point within myself when it comes to this self-agreement and the relationship that I’ve formed where I know firsthand the kind of ripples as in frictions, conflicts, distancing that happens whenever one entertains any thought about ‘other people’ or ‘what ifs’ as ‘potentials’ or ideas related to past partners or how it ‘could be/could have been’ to be in a relationship with this/that person . This point emerged as I was reading Kristina’s blog yesterday and considered how I have been precisely looking at this, how it is a form of the ‘revenge of the ego’ where we can be in a very settled, supportive and grounded relationship, yet how easily we can fuck it up by entertaining memories, ideas and experiences of who I was in the past in relationships that eventually come up as suppressed desires in dreams that I then have to face and recognize them as aspects/parts of myself that I have to make a clear decision to stop feeding within myself.

I see this point representing a perceived ‘lack’ or ‘desire to live the past’ which in my case, it was not at all a ‘good and supportive experience’ for the most part – but at the same time, I also have been looking recently at recognizing what can I take of each person that was part of my life in a relationship and integrate those aspects as part of myself too – as well as in recognizing which aspects of myself I developed, discovered or grew as my expression while being in those relationships in the past   while at the same time reminding me of all the conflicts and problems that I faced with each one and that I have been able to learn from in order to face experiences and conflicts that emerge in a relationship with another, which to my surprise in my current relationship has been quite different altogether from my previous experiences and I can only thank this Desteni process for it, specifically the Agreements/relationships course where I learned what it is to stand in self-agreement and see a relationship as an addition of 1+1 complete people walking together in support of each one’s living and working to become the better versions of ourselves.

My point of self-honesty to develop and work on in this case is precisely within the who I am in what I entertain or give space/breaths within my every day living when it comes to memories or ‘what ifs’ based on – once again – memories, ideas, beliefs, perceptions that can lead oneself to believe ‘one is missing out’ on something/someone or how ‘better’ things could have been in this/that situation with this or that person – these thoughts if entertained in the form of possibilities or memories, it actually becomes a weight upon oneself, where one creates a stagnation in one’s day to day flow by focusing on something as an idea or experience that is only in our minds – while missing out the reality that is very much here to keep focusing on nurturing, growing, expanding and creating to see who I can be and become when walking in  loyalty, honor and respect towards myself when it comes to what I accept and allow to exist within me in relation to my relationship with another, honoring it and ensuring that I am living in a way that I can be at the end of times and stand with myself, my decisions and essentially be able to live with myself, because I’ve been in situations before where it becomes a personal hell to try and shove aside situations of self-dishonesty in relationships and not face them or admit them to myself.

Here then I commit myself to continue developing – for the very first time – a stance of full commitment to my relationship in thought, word and deed, so that whatever time and focus I create in the realm of relationships, I focus on my potential and ‘sculpture to keep working on’ as the relationship and commitment I am in, reminding myself of how many times I have allowed a simple desire for an experience to derail me from a path of integrity and honesty with myself and another – therefore this is what I will be focusing on to strengthening within me, which actually appeals quite a lot to correcting a very sneaky and repetitive pattern throughout my life that I have had a hard time to admit to myself exists in me.

Being loyal to myself is not only being loyal ‘towards my partner’ but being loyal to my commitment, to my integrity, to what I have decided from the beginning I would live in relation to this other human being I am walking with, in an agreement that we made towards one another and that I want to make sure I honor and live to the T in my life as the new me that I am creating for myself, no longer conditioned/condemned to repeat the past, but stick to a better version of me in this part of my life.

Here a reminder for myself how something that I considered was initially insignificant and kept aside from writing about it became a gift, a reminder of what I commit myself to and expand myself to in relation to relationships in general in my life, to not give ‘into’ a fleeting experience that is unsubstantial, and stick to the reality, the physicality of what’s here for me as a stone to continue to sculpt into self-perfection : ) hands on matter

Thanks for reading.

 two heads

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


470. Exploring the Word Resilience

Or how to consider the physical properties of our bodies in worst case scenarios and facing manifested consequences

There’s a particular set of things that at times becomes difficult for us humans in general to accept and embrace, and that’s all the many manifested consequences that we’ve created in this world as a result of an entire creation process that has been happening from our very origin into existence. By now it’s clear to see that whenever we look at how things seem to be going haywire in the world system, in our personal lives, in our relationships, in our societies, one usual reaction is either fight or flight it – which means we either become angry, antagonistic, blameful and spiteful about it, wanting to seek out culprits everywhere else but ‘forget’ to look inside oneself – or one flights it with positivity-mindsets, drugs/alcohol, religion or spirituality that seeks to ‘scape from this world’ or ‘ascend’ or one opts to simply not ‘mind’ a thing about the world at all – and with these two mechanisms we are failing to do something which is to recognize our responsibility, our undeniable participation in the co-creation of yes, this mess we’re in – which at the same time of course holds a lot of potential if we dare to see through the mess as well.

But here focusing on what comes after one has understood one’s participation in this reality co-creation process? What can one do once that one has made peace within the fact that it is futile to fight or flight these manifested consequences, all that is left is to continue living and working on understanding the problems while working at the same time on solutions. This is – however – easier said than done.

So, here what assists a lot is the recognition of our very own life that is not the one that has caused all the problem, that is very physically here existing as our body that has actually been a primary instrument of self-support to keep ourselves alive, relentlessly, resiliently while we are usually going about our lives facing our reality/our creation with fears, being ‘taken over’ by all kinds of experiences of friction and conflict most of our time, instead of focusing on the stability and consistency that the physical body is here showing us, existing as a very solid proof of what ‘being alive’ is all about. But we rarely consider our bodies and that has been one of the biggest ‘failures’ we’ve done as human beings, we’ve underestimated ourselves too much because of focusing too much ‘up there’ in our heads only.

What does this mean in the context of facing manifested consequences? That we have a choice in facing the inevitable such as difficult times, situations, experiences that are a direct outflow of us creating an inner and outer reality that is certainly not safe, not healthy, not grounded in living values and principles – and therefore what do we know? We still have a choice: do we decide to continue fighting reality or flying away from it – OR do we decide to make a self-commitment within ourselves, so that no matter ‘what’ goes on as hardships of all kinds in our reality, we can decide to be our body, to be resilient, to keep persevering, to be grounded ‘no matter what’ happens around us, no matter what ‘natural disaster’ falls upon us, no matter how little money we might be left with in an economic crisis, to be able to adapt to circumstances, to not fear ‘letting go’ of something but realize as long as I am here and breathing, I am alive, there’s potential, there’s ways to continue walking – and then deciding that ‘this is what I decide to be in any worst case scenario’ and this doesn’t mean looking at ‘world disasters’ out there, but can be in personal difficulties that can exist as our worst-case scenario too, both are equally part of what we create and face inside ourselves.

So what does this practically mean? That I can decide to be taken over by fear, by anxiety, by an emotional breakdown and give myself into my mind entirely – OR I can decide to hold on to this resilience that my physical body is representing to me, how it can endure more than we have probably considered or thought of possible, and so honor those physical properties by making them our own way of experiencing ourselves inside of ourselves.

A great example is this word resilience, where by now with all the internal and external pollution caused by ‘external factors’ and internal factors like our mind participation, our bodies could be in much worse condition that they are = they have shown to us their ability to adapt, to be flexible, to endure such inner and outer hardship we’ve imposed onto it, it has shown that even if we impose constant stress, fear, anxiety, worries, imaginations, fantasies onto it, it remains ‘in one piece’ as we say here, it keeps standing up, it has its own means and ways to support itself and clear out stuff that we cause onto it in ways that we cannot even begin to understand or be aware of.

Therefore, I can consider here that whenever we get overwhelmed by chaos, mess, insecurity and a general state of instability in the outside, we have to remind ourselves to look back into our own physical – hence the reference of breath/breathing as a first point of support: it is happening right here on our chest, it is constant, it is consistent, it is our vital signal that we many times become oblivious from when we give too much attention to ‘things out there’ and react to it, which causes yet another layer of strain onto our physical body.

So, consider self-first, we are of no use to ‘change the world’ or ‘fix the situation’ out there in an emotionally wrecked state, in a deteriorated state in our bodies due to being ‘too emotional’ about something. What I’d do is first stabilize myself, make sure I am honoring my physical body’s resilience and embody that myself at a mind level, realizing that I am not defined by failing at a particular outcome, but I am defined by who do I decide to be until the very last breath of my life. This might sound fatalist, but it isn’t really, this same approach can be applied to facing very rough/hard situations OR it can be applied in our day to day living where we decide who we are and what we are focusing onto/giving our breath our life to.

Here I remind myself and leave it clear that no fear, no anger, no worrying and preoccupation can do a thing to sort out anything in this world. Any idea or belief I may have of ‘demon-strating care’ through becoming emotional about something is simply a thing of the mind, not of life. Life as the physical body that you and I have is resilient, is adaptable, is flexible, perseveres, is consistent, is forgiveness in nature – but it can only ‘hold’ so much as well and that’s for us to define to what extent we continue ‘digging our own graves’ or when we start to instead honor, embrace and be actually appreciating the life and each breath that we have and use it for that purpose, for Living! Not focusing only on all things ‘out there’ that we don’t have a direct hold of – we decide what we make of our every day, our time and what we do in our capabilities and possibilities in our very own lives.

Therefore, a reminder of the resilience that life in itself has proven to be and that exists as and within me as well if I accept and allow myself to live it as who I am. It’s no different to the matrix option really, do we decide to keep being enslaved in our minds, fears, in the chaos and mayhem presented in the world and conspiracies and media and end of the world scenarios – or do I decide to focus on the very breath, life and potential that here as myself as my very own choices of words, thoughts and deeds that I can direct and have a responsibility to use, embody and stand on for supportive purposes, not only for me but for others.

What I have to align entirely to that physicality is my mind, make use of it as the tool it is to create solutions, seek alternatives, relate and communicate with others to envision solutions, because that’s what we’re all here for really – and that I can trust myself with, my ability to see alternatives, solutions, find ways because there is a will to walk through it all.

See how timely this point for me is because once that I let go of my ‘quick fix’ scenario I described in past blogs – which aimed at ‘the destruction of all so as to not have to face/live through consequences – now I can then make a sober, clear and much more realistic decision of who I decide to be in the face of what’s here for the rest of my life and existence probably – we’re in this for the long run, therefore, best way is to nurture, care for my body, listen to it, while learning from it at the same time, it’s always ‘in our nose’ this point of physical reminder, but it takes our will, diligence and discipline to step out of the mind to stick to physicality and self-awareness and that’s what will get us through no matter what. That’s my take, what’s your take?

Thanks for reading.

 

A Must Read Classic:

Manifested Consequence – Lao Tzu

 

Resilience

Groundbreaking 2008

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


461. Transforming Christmas Within Me

Or, how to practically change from being the Grinch to a person that actually embodies the principles of living in equality and what’s best for all in practical manners.

Ok so, Christmas passed and based on the commitment shared at the beginning of the month, I must recognize I’ve done quite good in terms of stopping my ‘usual reactions to Christmas’ over the month and being diligent in making it a point to change who I am in the midst of all things that usually go along the lines within this holiday season.

There are two judgments I can pin-point related to how I had usually seen/identified this season to be and I will be sharing then how I have done my point in changing those judgments into a supportive set of doings within myself this time around.

First thing is how I had judged the whole getting together in a halo of peace and niceness as phony, as hypocritical, as ‘false’ because it didn’t make sense to me to only have this going on once a year or whenever major tragedies happened around the world. So, here it’s interesting because a friend of my mother’s (so my friend as well) sent me a message on Christmas and said something related to how Christmas brings the best of us as human beings, all that care, love, sharing, compassion, hope and kindness. I responded to her that I can agree with that and that we should not only live this during Christmas, but extend it to our everyday reality. The same I did when she sent some words relating Christmas to Jesus’ words, so I thanked her for the message again and related it back to making those words real as ourselves, to live the words that Jesus shared in our everyday living, which she agreed to as well. That right there, me responding in a more contributory manner to those messages is already one point of change within me where before I would have probably played ‘kind’ and just thank it and within me say ‘whatever!’ but, this time I took the actual time to read and make it a point to give back that moment of attention and appreciation with a supportive note at the same time, one that reflects what I want to change within myself and be that one person that changes what I had previously defined as ‘phoniness’ or ‘hypocrisy’ that I had labeled everything positive and ‘warm’ going on around these holidays to be. I had not realized I was being ‘hypocritical’ myself around these things in the way I used to ‘care’ about the holiday, but in the back of my head always be continually judging it and being ‘fed up’ with it.

Here then, I am no longer blaming others for ‘being hypocrites’ for only behaving this way once a year and reacting to it within my own spite and ‘filtered view’, because I know people like me tend to take a higher stance in believing that we are very keen on finding everyone else’s faults, but we rarely take a moment to truly see within ourselves and how we are contributing to create the same problem we are complaining about.

So how did I change that which I had judged as phony and hypocritical into genuineness, a real care and consideration and also, an expression of myself? An example is in simple interactions that had that usual tinge of ‘it’s Christmas/near Christmas time’ and some generosity point emerged, I thanked it in a decision to be genuinely appreciating others about it, not backchatting it within my mind or judging it as before as ‘ah this is so phony, so predictable, too hypocritical, ah it’s for convenience’ and the rest of it, but instead truly embraced those moments for the expressions they are, without ‘tainting them’ with only the ‘Christmas/seasonal halo’ around it, but more like embracing those expressions in others as a an expression of who they are and can be, yes, all year round!

And interestingly enough, I have been making this a point for myself in my every day interactions with unknown people as well, no matter how petty or insignificant, to talk to others, to address others in the way that I would like to as well, not as a point of likeness/preference or convenience, but simply a truly ‘giving of myself’ through my expression, through any point of simple generosity that can come in many forms, a ‘kinder self’ indeed is what I’m developing, no longer the ‘bitter’ version of myself that acted out of that hypocritical in fact and phony kindness as per morals or ‘traditions’ but, more of a genuine enjoyment of meeting with others, of seeing family members which is definitely something quite new to me to be honest.

I used to go to all of those reunions and Christmas more within a point of obligation, which led me to simply skip it for some years in the past recent years, until this time around where I make it a point to not ‘load’ within me all the past judgments or others’ judgments on this holiday, but make it simply that getting together with family that I can enjoy, express myself in, talk to those that I want to establish communication to, contribute with something to it – like baking a cake – and giving presents that I can see are practical and supportive like health books, food supplements, basic clothing, which is quite cool in fact, nothing too fancy or extravagant really, but I actually enjoyed the decorations I made for the presents and wrapping them up, actually going out of the usual ‘red and green’ and instead using lots of colors in them, that was fun and enjoyable too.

In this, I am also able to stand ‘outside of myself’ to consider how this holiday for others is something that becomes very special, a special gathering and get together so in that, I didn’t judge it, I enjoyed the intimate reunion it was, impromptu due to particular settings we arranged it with and had a good time without any ‘excesses’ or anything like that, fine enough to come home and simply be grateful for the company, the nice foods, the talking, the sharing of some gifts and receiving of them and for all of us still being together this time around. This has been quite a change considering I had deliberately antagonized this celebration with my ‘inner war’ and conflictive reactions towards the whole setting, being uncomfortable most of the times, which yeah in way means I stood as the ‘war point’ toward it all, whereas now I could simply ‘flow’ with it yet in a directive manner because I didn’t get carried away by any sort of positivity either, but simply seeing ‘no difference’ to any other family gathering for example which means that I am already starting to expand this point of genuine expression in other times/situations as well.

The other point of judgment toward Christmas had always been consumerism. This still came up a few times in relation to the vastness of stuff that can be bought in these days, the crowded malls and supermarkets, but It was just that, an acknowledgement of ‘how things are’ and I assisted myself when facing these crowds in sharing with my partner how yes, it is crowded, yes, lots of people, yes, it’s not a weekend, it’s a regular weekday before Christmas time and I’ve decided to not react to it, which worked just fine, embracing it.

So, here in the sense of judging consumerism, I realize I can’t change others, I cannot decide what others spend their money on or change ‘their behaviors’ around this time of the year, I can only do that myself and that’s what I can rather focus on. Here has to do more with the relationship to money and realizing that sure I’d like to give a present to everyone as a means of appreciation, but sometimes that’s not possible, and it’s not something I see entirely needed either. I instead don’t focus on giving something ‘on Christmas’ only, but rather whenever I can and there’s an opportunity, giving little things here and there that I actually gift with a meaning of appreciation, of giving to others that which I know they enjoy or need – and yes here it’s definitely not focusing on ‘giving something pricey’ at all, but more like seeing how practical it is, how useful it is, how supportive it can be or how I can make it myself – and that’s how I then sort of ‘measure’ what I’d like to give because they are usually things I’d give to myself too, sometimes also considering their likes and preferences of course, but still make it a point to ‘make a statement’ with the kind of gift I give, which is overall in the means of being supportive and practically useful.

And so, in conclusion, I spent a very different Christmas season this year, and all that I required to do is make a clear and self-aware decision to change my attitude, to stop my behavior that wanted to ‘show with all of my being my refusal to be part of it’ which, in looking back, actually could have caused discomfort and reactions in others that I didn’t actually want to create, yet I became oblivious to and blind to it all because of my self-interest in ‘making a statement’, one of refusal, denial, antagonism – ah that word here again! – antagonizing everything ‘Christmas’ related.

This time, I’m focusing on integrating these new ways not only ‘this month’ but the whole year to come and this is definitely something that has been unfolding from the past last months of the year and from the very blogs I’ve been sharing on deconstructing this ‘bitter self’ or ‘pessimist self’ or ‘gloomy self’ into one that actually embodies the ways, living words that I’d like us all to live by as human beings, all year long, every day.

So! Let’s make it happen

 

Recommended audio:

Christmas – The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 73

 

Living Words

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


454. Embracing Living Potentials

(Or how I plan to get rid of the ‘Doomsday character’)

 

Self-Forgiveness on the previous blog I shared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self-sabotage whenever I give into the usual known experiences of ‘gloom and doom’ or sticking to seeing only the ‘bad stuff’ or destructive aspects and patterns in everything and everyone wherein I then create an experience of discomfort, not being able to fully embrace a situation, a person, an event or circumstance that represents actual growth, change, expansion, expression and reacting within my mind by  defining it as ‘too positive’ or ‘too good to be true’ ‘not realistic’ when it comes to comparing it to the ‘reality of the world out there’ –  yet at the same time seeing it as a proof of potential, of growth, of self support, of self-creation that I then react to in a physical manner in a form of discomfort, which I translate to a disempowerment of sorts by believing that ‘that is too good to be true’ or ‘it’s not realistic’ or ‘it’s too positive’ and within this, I excuse myself from actually doing the necessary process of change for me to stand one and equal to such potential and possibilities for self-creation and self-expansion.

This happens when I go into my mind to qualify or attach a particular experience to a moment or situation, wherein I have programmed myself to react in a form of limitation as a ‘blockage’ in my experience whenever I perceive or define something as being enjoyable, of happiness, of ‘goodness’ as something constructive or plainly enjoyable or even pleasurable, wherein I then believe that I have to ‘stick to reality’ and not fully embrace it – here defining ‘reality’ as something that is not good, not supportive, of destruction, of sadness, of suffering and in doing this, I go qualifying my experience towards everything in a polarity mode, wherein I feel comfortable and ‘ok’ to remain in the ‘same old’ or ‘usual’ experience of comfort and normalcy associated with things remaining in the current status-quo of generally not being growing, expanding, supportive and oddly enough, I have not been able to establish who do I want to be in the face of all of that which is constructive, of growth and expansion and expression and enjoyment for what it is, wherein I have become so used to immediately tell myself that ‘this is not reality, this is not aligned with the truth and experience of the majority in this world, therefore, I must give up on it, I must not enjoy it, I must not be part of it, I must stick to reminding myself and everyone else about the fuckedupness in this world’ – in this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in this desire to make of myself a ‘reminder’ of ‘all things that are wrong in this world’ through creating an experience within me that ‘rejects’ or ‘reacts’ to actual living change – in doing so I recreate and continue to exist as that ‘status-quo’ of not changing, remaining in an ‘unfortunate’ self-experience, denying my self to create myself into something that I would genuinely enjoy being and expressing as me, because of judging it as ‘not being aligned with the rest of everyone’s experience’ –

but here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this is a polarity I am holding in my mind, wherein in self honesty, it also becomes a way for me to be comfortable within ‘the same old me’ and not pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, which means I use the knowledge and information and awareness of how ‘the world is at this moment/how people in this world, the majority of them, are experiencing themselves, the animals, the environment in general’ and use this as an excuse, a reason and justification as to WHY I am apparently not able to stand up in a moment, let go of my own bitterness, gloom and doom within myself in the face of seeing potential, seeing evidence of change and self-creation and so instead Stand up as the change, live as the determination, creativity, perseverance and expression that I’d like everyone in this world to exist as, of course in consideration of what is best for all.

I realize that I have been denying myself the experience of growth, expression, creation, expansion within me in my life, even in the smallest details based on using knowledge and information as to why I am supposed to almost be a ‘martyr’ in the name of the rest of the world – but here, it’s just a ‘good face’ to cover up something else in fact. Within that ‘experience’ I am in fact justifying me not changing, not standing up to my own words of that which I would like others to live for themselves, and not just the poor and unfortunate ones, but everyone equally.

Therefore I have to stop living in spite in reality, spite that has been covered up as a notion of ‘I am on the side of the unfortunate ones, I am a martyr for not enjoying the things that others do enjoy and create for themselves in their lives’ and in doing this, actually become spiteful to others that do actually stand up to create the lives and experiences that they want for themselves and stand as their own creation that surely, it is also something that could be very supportive and cool for many more to create and enjoy equally.

It is quite paradoxical that in a supposed attempt to ‘do good’ to others or stand in ‘mourn’ for those unfortunate ones, I believe that denying all the ‘good things’ in life is a way to ‘honor them’ when in fact, I become the very perpetuator of self-limitation, of ‘the system’ itself that we’ve created as our own limitation, as our own enslavement, therefore in no way am I actually standing up ‘for others’ or for anything really, I am only using that awareness as a source of limitation for myself.

Here I also have to realize that based on the current situation of our world system, money system, many things are just not possible to create in equality as in wanting everyone to ‘have the same’ as I do or as I see others can create for themselves, and this is part of our manifested consequences of separation creating inequality and creating differential access to even the basics in this reality. But these are only FACTS, these are the ways in which the world is currently working. Therefore ME creating an Experience about this and reacting to it with anger, sadness, commiseration, misery within myself about it specially in moments where actual living creation and expression exists as a potential, is not being a solution to these problems in the world, is not me standing as the solution of who and what I’d like everyone to exist as and live as in this world, be a genuine and full example of that – but instead, I ‘close up’ and go into this very subtle yet present experience of wanting to stand as a representation of ‘all the bad things’ that are going on in life and be a constant reminder of that toward others, wherein I realize that it’s not about now completely ‘being positive’ all the time and making of it an energetic experience, it is about paving the way for and opening myself up to actually embrace the potential of creation, of life.

I also see that a solution to this whole point is about embracing the reality without a judgment, without qualifying it as positive or negative, but rather assessing it in common sense which means seeing ‘what is best for all’. Because otherwise I trap myself into defining all things related to growth, expansion, expression and enjoyment within a ‘positive experience’ that I then go into opposing with ‘all things negative’ apparently to stand as a ‘balancing point’ to the situation, but in this it’s not really about ‘What I want to remind others about,’ I only end up screwing myself because I don’t get to change the things I want to stand as a ‘reminder of’ for others, in terms of the misery, the suffering, the poverty, the unfortunate experience, and at the same time I don’t get to assist myself to actually learn how to Embrace the potential of self-creation, of growth, expansion, development, enjoyment and the ability to ‘play’ with life which are just that, actions, decisions, outcomes that I then have to assess in common sense if they are genuinely supportive, if they are sustainable, if they are a point of self-expression, if they don’t compromise myself or others in any way – and so instead of going into the polarity of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and me embodying mostly that ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ in the presence of all things I have defined as ‘good’ or ‘positive’ – I rather embrace such potentials, such moments which I actually should be grateful for.

Today I actually dreamed of my partner being this point for me, because I dreamed that we were in two separate rooms in the same house, and I was ‘very busy’ as my ‘usual self’ in my room and he would just knock at the door and start dancing in the hall way and even through the stairs, which in that moment in my dream really assisted me to ‘get out of my seriousness’ for a moment and embrace that laugh, like I Allowed myself to precisely laugh at the moment while being quite glad that he was expressing himself in that way in a moment and sharing it with me. This means that this point of enjoyment I would have usually ‘denied’ this expression of myself in the moment because of considering it as ‘not important’ or ‘too happy for me’ or ‘too superficial’ or whatever, but in ‘waking life’ this is also becoming a point of expression and embracing it as well, which has been cool and a whole nother topic, but relates a bit to transcending some of that usual ‘knee jerk’ reaction to ‘expression’ for example.

I don’t ‘lose face’ for doing so or I don’t become ‘less serious about life’ with it, it’s actually the other way around: the more I want to stick to representing and embodying the ‘nature of the system, the nature of the reality for everyone out there’ as this doom and gloom, the more I create it, accept it and allow it within and so within others and as this reality.

This is quite a revelation for myself because how can I go desiring ‘change’ in this world if I am not fully embracing and standing as the very pillar in all of my being to embrace such change and constructive and expressive outcomes that are possible for all of us if we decide to stand as it as well? It is impossible if I continue to want to in a way sabotage it or maim it or expect it to ‘not work out’ after all – yep, quite the ‘evil’ as reverse of life here – and so it becomes a way to justify ‘my experience’ in the face of change and constructive, expressive, enjoyable moments and I become my very own obstacle, my very own ‘challenging experience’ that is actually not of Life.

 Life is not experiencing itself as ‘emotional’ stuckness, but it finds a way to continue, to grow, to purify, to adapt, to expand, always, even if all around and all the ‘variables’ are against it, the proof is we are still here so that potential is also within ourselves– and that’s what I decide here to stand as and decide to live in every moment as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my addiction to doom and gloom and believing that ‘I was more grounded in reality by embodying or constantly ‘bringing up into my experience’ – notice as an EXPERIENCE – the same or similar things that I actually only can Imagine people out there are going through in an attempt to ‘make a stand for them’ as in making of myself that embodiment, as the ‘one point’ that almost wants to ‘rain down on everyone’s parade’ as a reminder of ‘how things are not ok in life and in this world’ therefore ‘I cannot just join in the constructive and supportive and expressive side’ and let go of what I have defined as my ‘real side’ – all things related to sadness, suffering, self sabotage, destruction, doom and gloom – which is in fact just a personality trait and experience that I’ve become so used to ‘being in’/existing as.

 In this I realize that all the times I’ve recoiled or criticized people that I have judged or even spited as ‘too happy’ or ‘too expressive’ were actually moments where I could see that there was this inner struggle, inner ‘battle’ to embrace that as me or a potential of myself, which is in fact the change to create and make space for within myself (out of my comfort zone) – therefore, in a way becoming like the character of ‘Wednesday’ (Merlina in spanish) Addams when being around all the happy kids in the camp and standing as that one point and reminder of all things related to the ‘opposite’ the kind of happiness everyone was up to there – lol – which is kind of funny because it relates very much to a personality trait I’ve become and embodied as myself, and that has actually already caused me some health situations before based on this constant ‘mourn’ in a subtle manner that exists based on focusing and reacting to ‘all the bad stuff’ going on in the world and in a way ‘re-enacting’ it within myself whenever I am confronted with something of supportive or what I had defined as ‘positive’ in nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of having this ‘undefined undercurrent experience within me that I don’t know what it is’ as apparently something that was ‘beyond my reach to change’, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘this is always going to be with me’ and ‘I cannot change it’ because ‘It’s the nature of my beingness’ wherein even if that is so in terms of how we’ve all programmed ourselves to the core to stand as separation, as all things ‘of the mind’, no matter what, we can still make that constant decision to not ‘follow the mind flow’ or ‘the usual experience’ but instead actually stand as that self-creation point In the moment, and how I see that it will be is making a seemingly ‘small shift’ within myself wherein instead of judging something or someone that is constructive, expressive, playful and showing that potential of what life is and can be, I allow myself to embrace that/them as myself, as something I must physically create space for and embrace within myself, and this is possible once that I do not ‘fill in the gap’ in that moment with the usual ‘me’ that is accustomed to yes seeing the benefit of change, growth, expansion, expression, self-creation and agreeing with it at a Consciousness or Mind level, but at a BEING level, I have not yet been fully ‘in it and as it’ as the totality of who I am.

Therefore this is where I have to become very aware of these subtle moments where this seemingly ‘undefined’ discomfort emerges in me upon witnessing growth, expansion, expression, enjoyment, playfulness and life in its multiple ways and expressions emerging, and so in that moment I can decide to deliberately take a deep breath so as to ‘make space’ for this new me to embrace these potentials that a situation, a person, an environment is presenting to me and that I can decide to be a part of it without judging it as ‘positive’ standing as a counter act to ‘all the negative’ – I have to in this moment let go of my usual ‘equation’ or ‘balancing act’ of me standing as the ‘reminder of all the bad things in the world’ and actually make space and learn how to stand as that ‘embracing of life’ within and as myself.

 

It’s interesting because for the most part what I’ve done in this deliberate decision to do supportive things for myself and others is that yes, it has felt as very unnatural, but I also realize how this seemingly experience of ‘going against the flow’ also has to do with a resistance to change, to put it bluntly and simply really, because only a resistance persists in a particular ‘inertia’ state and not being fully willing to change or making it ‘difficult’ but in my case, it is definitely a matter of a decision to do so.

Yes, it might probably feel like I am entirely going ‘against my grain and core’ but I have to remind myself that if this is the nature of my beingness as ‘evil’ as the reverse of life that isn’t able to embrace life and all of its potential as me, as a possibility and reality for me; then how can I in any way continue ‘advocating for change’ or be ‘promoting change’ or ‘expect the world to change’ if I am not ENTIRELY to the core of my being living, embodying and existing as that very life within myself.

Here, I have to treat this the same way as I have treated any other addiction really, because it’s a comfort zone, it becomes a justification to all things that we believe ‘are not up for us to change or challenges as who we are’ when in fact, I can see the obviousness of how if there’s anything that I am reacting to or subtly creating a discomfort about a point of expansion, of potential, of life, change and growth, I must stand fully as my awareness of this particular pattern of addiction to pessimism and doom and gloom and ‘things not changing’ and ‘remembering the suffering of everyone else in the world’ and realize that it is completely Futile/useless for me to turn those facts into a personal experience as an emotion within me, that I am in fact Not changing myself and not working/standing/applying myself to be the change in itself even to the core of my being, which practically means ‘not just agreeing with words’ but make that actual shift at core level of the nature of myself that I want to live by and express as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor life in this blatant way, by holding on to my ‘preferred’ states of being with subtle rejoicing at all things destructive and of the mind which are in no way an actual demonstration of me being an example of ‘living life’ but more like continuing the trend of our entire existence of self-sabotage and comfort in self destruction, seeking change ‘out there’ instead of focusing to the detail of myself here, which is where I can empower myself as change.

 

I’ve realized through all the supportive interviews at Eqafe.com that there’s a very simple way to ground these seemingly ‘undefined’ experiences into a solution by directly asking myself: “what am I hiding, covering up, justifying, excusing and validating with ‘my experience’? or “What am I NOT wanting to take responsibility for in my life, in my experience that stands as a form of spite in the face of life?”

Is all of this something that is pretty to face and acknowledge exists within oneself? Nope, and I could go into shame as to ‘how the hell have I allowed this to exist within me!?’ and into blame and feeling bad about it, lol – that would only catapult myself back to where I was before opening up this whole point so, that’s how judging one’s actions is a double-layer fuck-up that can be short-circuited by deciding NOT to judge what we’ve lived and become, and instead just Directly and straight-forward go to the solutions, to the decisions of changes to be made, to the actual practicing and embodying of the change that I have paid lip-service for, but that I had not actually fully embraced to the core of my being as a potential yet to develop and create, and nurture within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question my almost hatred and disdain towards that one aspect that my grandmother represented for me as the person that will always ‘feel bad’ about herself and only think about being sick and ill and even in the face of getting all the attention and support, sticking to complaining and making a big fuzz about things and almost like becoming addicted to conflict and fighting for her limitations, constant complain in most interactions I had with her and to judge her for that instead of first realizing that there is also a reason why she was like that.

So once that I looked and got to know of her entire life some of this made sense, but then I could also see how she literally abandoned herself, her life, her body, killing herself even if consciously ‘wanting to live’ and taking her meds, because her actions towards her body, her thoughts, her very relationships were not entirely that of actually wanting to stand as life, but more like the contrary. Here I have to forgive myself for judging my grandmother as this person that everyone in my family got to know I had a ‘conflictive’ relationship with, which also reflected how I wasn’t willing or even aware of taking such points that I disliked about her personality and her mind, and take them back to myself to see how I am living and embodying those same points within myself.

Of course when doing this, it’s not going to be ‘the exact same things’ she used to be and stand as, but I can read the pattern in terms of how I subtly‘cannot stand’  to see progress and development even if through my words and voice I can agree with it and support it, but I haven’t yet made the actual ‘space’ so to speak to truly embrace this as myself as an actual potential/possibility that exists for me, as myself, and for others as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out the obvious points when it comes to investigating how I relate to and have judged some members in my family for showing certain traits that I’ve defined as plain horrible such as how it seems that anyone’s well being or good fortune creates a discomfort in them, and how I could ‘not make sense of it’ because of how I could not fathom – apparently – that someone could feel that way in the face of potential and support and  growth/expansion! – yet I have done the exact same thing yet not seeing it for what it actually is, but suppressing it interestingly enough as this nature of ‘how I am’ and not questioning it.

So, the devil is in the detail as in I have thought that as long as I deliberately utter words that are supportive and geared to create solutions, I was being the solution – but this is more of a physical experience that I am now aware of is there as an undercurrent/underlying presence that I had not challenged/question to the core within myself, therefore this is more of a physical embracing of life itself, not only at a knowledge and information level, but as a … how to explain it? A making of space and so a deliberate stand to embrace such potential, growth, expansion, awareness, change, development, expression, self-creation.

I’ve seen how many of us that are ‘too concerned’ about the world out there actually become this very ‘problem’ ourselves where we focus too damned much in the ‘outside’ that we forget to look at the very details of how, where and why we are creating this very same problem or recreation of friction and conflict within ourselves in our minds, thoughts, experiences and we don’t even question it or notice it and that’s a huge problem, because then we will recreate our addiction to only seeing the problems, to the hidden and covert ‘blame’ towards whatever or whoever or the system itself for why things not change, instead of realizing change as myself at this very core, not only in thought, word and deed or ‘good intentions’, because I’ve thought I was doing it, but this is also a BEING decision, a who I am and how I relate to or decide to express myself In the face of seeing/witnessing/standing in front of and in the midst of potential, growth, expansion, change, development, support, enjoyment and all of that which I have denied within myself as a potential of myself.

I can see that in both of my family lines, the constant experience was that of suffering, of pain, of dread, of depression, of inferiority, of melancholy and the rest of it, so, this is something that had become so ‘natural’ to me that I had not questioned it yet I can see this almost ‘addiction’ to misery of sorts, very weird! Yes but not to judge it any further though, but to understand it as just another way in which we function in our minds – some people are geared to the ‘happy’ and ‘all things positive’ in their minds, and some others are the opposite and I happened to be geared more in the ‘opposite’ so, I am just part of that polarity that divides ourselves in experiences instead of rather being able to embrace potential as life, undefined of ‘charges’.

I realize that it has been a very sneaky and subtle way for me to actually disempower myself when it comes to embracing possibilities of change, wherein a form of pessimism or negativity or ‘sticking to the reality of the majority’ becomes a comfort zone as well, wherein I use that as a reason and excuse of why I cannot embrace that change, expansion, possibility, creativity, expression within myself. And this is exactly the kind of personality I have embodied for most of my life.

Who I am within using ‘the facts’ as the reality of what is here in this world as an excuse of why I cannot embrace that potential of expansion, growth, expression, enjoyment as myself? I am avoiding responsibility to change myself, I am abdicating my own ability and going into a disempowerment which becomes also a comfort zone as to ‘why I cannot do anything to change the WHOOOLE world and system out there’ therefore, I remain in this sense of ‘stuckness’ to not take the point absolutely back to myself and see how I am still reacting and accepting this experience as ‘unchangeable’ within me, even in the most subtle/tiny experiences and situations when in fact, if there is one place where I can in fact stand fully as the change, is within myself.

So I essentially have to stop using the world, the ‘state of affairs’ of how things currently are as an excuse, reason and justification of why I cannot embrace actual and genuine change as in embracing and so giving creation to what exists as a potential of growth, development, expansion, self-creation and self-expression, wherein it has become easier for me to agree to it ‘at a mind level’ but not yet fully embrace it as the new nature of my being that I decide to live by – which is a great, great difference.

In my sneaky mind I validated this experience as something ‘true’ to myself, I even saw it as a way of being ‘compassionate’ to others maybe, a way to ‘care for others’ but this exists only as a moral facade really, as a ‘caring for others’ at a personality level, because as long as I don’t care entirely to change this very mechanism of spitefulness within me, how can I dare to say ‘I care for others and change in the world?’ I Cannot, because the very reaction that I am presenting to such actual change and possibilities is that of the reverse of embracing it, and that cannot continue being so in my being.

And this is something that I know for a fact is not only existent ‘in me’: our very nature at a mind and beingness level is that of containing some form of self-destruction, to keep ourselves controlled and in the comfortable illusion of disempowerment.

It is in that comfortable illusion of ‘being disempowered’ that we become the very embodiment of the systems that we are trying to apparently ‘change’ out there… this is so essential to understand really, it can potentially define the entire starting point that anyone can have toward creating ‘change’ in fact, and that’s how I’ve explained in past blogs that I no longer seek the change ‘out there’ but rather focus on the very necessary and indispensable change within each one of us, and it begins with these subtle changes that might take some attention and focus to become aware of, but one simply knows when there’s something ‘coming up’ as an experience in ourselves and that’s already a reaction, might not be a set of thoughts but subtle physical experiences, and that is IT.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this seemingly underlying experience within me that emerges every time there’s a witnessing or awareness on constructive, self supportive, developments, growth, self-creation and all things that are actually supportive wherein I would have a ‘discomfort’ within me, very subtle – yet brushed it aside every time, hoping it would ‘change’ itself, but I had not realized that it’s not so much me rationalizing ‘change’ but also at a being level making a decision to embrace these potentials as the life that exists within me, as the examples others are presenting of this and rather be grateful that I am seeing this now, rather than ‘later on’ or ‘never’ and continuing ‘tolerating’ my mind as this subtle physical experience.

 I realize that my affinity with doom and gloom is a way of keeping myself in a personality trait that even if I can in common sense I’ve seen the benefits of learning to live in a supportive manner, at a very deep/being level I wasn’t making that whole decision for myself entirely, but more at a knowledge and information level, more of a ‘moral’ stand point if you will instead of making the actual space to embrace and so develop such potentials to then focus on creating them as myself, as what I have yet to create as myself which sure, I have no ‘scheme’ or ‘predefined’ sets for, but I have seen glimpses of my potential and expression and abilities and skills, so I can continue developing those further and continuing learning from others, embracing them as examples I can learn from, which are other human beings in this same process that I learn a lot from, which is remarkable to say the  least and demonstrates the possibility of this at a humanity level.

This is a one point I ‘brushed off’ aside for so long I see, and all I can say is that this will be quite the challenge for me based on the subtle yet very noticeable change to be made here… I shall report back in time how I go bringing it into creation, into application in real time which is what this process is all about. Here I only suggest to be aware of points like these because it might get to a point where it’s not necessarily a set of thoughts popping into one’s head, but a very, very subtle physical reaction that one knows ‘it’s there’ and one has to then open it up to see it for what it is, to understand the pattern when it emerges and so see deeper into it.

That’s it for now, thanks for reading

 

Suggested recordings for the day:

 

 

Merlina Addams

 

LOL!

 

Learn and walk with us how to Embrace and Create Life here:


449. How to Face Consequence: Defrosting Nightmare

I’ll share a moment where I have been able to change my ‘usual reactions’ into a supportive outcome.

I own a fridge that still creates walls of ice in the freezer. For over a month, we had not eaten stuff that was in there and I kept procrastinating the process of getting to defrost because of how I knew that it would have to be entirely empty to fully defrost several centimeters of this thick crust of ice. What happens here is that this freezer is a perfect example of how we operate in our minds when we just allow the ‘layers of ice’ in this case to pile up, and we don’t do ‘clean ups’ regularly instead – say once a week for this freezer – but we let it all just ‘pack up’ until it becomes this really tough thing to handle when finally deciding to ‘do the tough job’ of getting all that ice out.

So throughout the week we cooked the stuff to be eaten and empty the freezer, then it was the time to actually get it to defrost mode. Took over one day for it to fully defrost. But halfway the process, there were moments where a huge chunk of ice could not be taken out, it was just stuck, there was accumulated water and the tray that holds it was stuck with this big chunk of ice. I understood that if I let that piece there, once the fridge comes ‘on’ again, it would only recreate the same problem, it would be frozen and would not be let loose. So, there were moments where I was having my hands frozen, having to be ‘sponging’ the water out (because of the tray being stuck) and trying to get the ice stuff out. I almost wanted to give up, thinking there is no way I’m going to get this stuff out. But, I knew that it’s just not common sensical to ‘leave it for later’ because this is a matter of ‘now or never’ – so, kept pushing, moving around the tray, doing some forceful movements until finally the big chunk of ice came loose and we were able to finally take the water tray out.

Here, ‘the usual old me’ would have gotten pissed, would have tried to blame ‘the fridge’ for being so old that it still forms ice, would have blamed ‘my partner’ for not telling me to do this earlier or for not eating stuff earlier or ‘reminding me’ of doing the defrost… but nope, I didn’t do any of these things, I entirely assumed my responsibility related to this, and so breathed through my own desperation at times of wanting to say ‘fuck it, I give up’  – I refrained myself from doing this, deliberately, and instead kept pushing, deliberately breathing, deliberately knowing that what I was facing was nothing else but ‘piled up consequence’ of all the weeks I left this to come to this outcome, now I had to ‘pull up my non existent pants’ and take care of this, or it would simply cause havoc/consequence and possibly damage the thing.

So, I’ve been working with the word ‘embracing’ in these moments, an acceptance where we come to realize what we’ve ‘compounded’ in any either ‘physical outcome’ – such as the fridge situation – or internally where we get to a point of feeling entirely stuck, piled up with tons of ‘frozen stuff’ that we think it’s absolutely hard to remove, hard to self-forgive, impossible to take out – but what it takes is diligence, is not giving up, is walking the process with its necessary time – bit by bit – to get the stuff out and not ‘lose it’ half way, because in this freezer example I knew I could only pile up more consequence if I didn’t do it, and frankly yes I am fed up with me causing this same consequence over the years (been having the same fridge for 10 years now!) So I asked myself, hmm why haven’t I actually created an effective routine of defrosting more regularly? Why have I allowed myself to just ‘let it go by’ expecting it to ‘do it on its own’ and instead have mostly always waited until it is too difficult, too thick to just ‘turn off’ the fridge for a couple of hours and instead, it becomes this 24 + hours of keeping an eye on this or else, everything in the fridge would get warm and flooded with water….

This very much became a perfect example of how we operate in our minds unfortunately, where I from now on will consider how much of a consequence is created if there’s no regular ‘self-check’ through writings, through introspection, through focusing on what I need to take care of within myself and so without, because we are experts in procrastination and leaving things ‘up to the last moment’ where the consequence is huge and becomes really tough to handle, yet at the same time, if we are already there at that ‘stage’ of consequence, really there’s no other way but ‘take the bull by the horns’ and stand up, woman-up/man-up to our creation and take it bit by bit, yet taking this process as a cautionary tale to learn from, not to do as I’ve done with this fridge where time and time again I seemingly ‘forget’ the past SAME scenarios I’ve caused because of my lack of diligence in taking care of something that just keeps ‘piling up’ as the snow in the fridge. Same goes for my mind, our minds, no need to get to these piles of emotions over time, reactions, or even worse! React and throw a tantrum while we are taking care of our consequence, because I’ve done that actually every time I have had to run this same ‘defrost operation’ in the past. And this is what I became aware of yesterday, how I usually would start picking on the ice to get it out but it’s not only a physical movement, it comes with some anger, frustration, a blame of sorts to the poor ice that forms by itself and by default as per ‘freezer function’ lol – and there I would usually be the angry monkey that gets angry at her own consequences…. Really? Do I need to rehash the same consequence every single time?No, I could now laugh at replaying for myself this same scenario, really lol – and it’s no different to how we KNOW what consequences we create with certain experience inside us, how we don’t deal with things or understand things any better with ‘emotions’ yet we still bring it up! It’s like law of stupidity really and this is nothing else but what I declare as the last time I allow this to happen within and without me.

So yesterday was the time that I deliberately said, fuck no, here I am not focusing on these seemingly ‘justifiable moments’ of desperation, anger and just wanting to give up and instead keep moving, keep breathing, not blaming anything but entirely embracing the situation as My Creation.

Lol it was even funny how I knew that ‘it would eventually come off’ this large chunk of ice, and I knew that the more I ‘fought it’ the worse it would be, and yes…. That’s how it went. I left it for a moment, to warm up my hands and then gave it a second try, some more brusque movements and it came off. I just had to ‘cool down’ in my intent (figuratively, because I was actually very cold in that moment lol) and then give it a second go.

Well, the whole process yes took some 24 hours but at last now the fridge is free from thick layers of ice and I was able to change a very long pattern of me usually ending up angry and frustrated after this ‘clean up the compound freezer mess’ project that emerges periodically, because I haven’t yet made a clear decision to schedule a regular defrost of it and so prevent consequence.

So, lesson learned and the words to live by: consistency and diligence in both taking care of the consequence as one goes through the ‘piles’ that we’ve accumulated, while at the same time realizing that I can prevent these consequences by regular ‘defrost’ that is shorter in time and of course much simpler to take care of.  Patience with myself when finally deciding to ‘deal with the consequence’ and taking care of the situation, to not go into ‘hissy fits’ when seeing my own creation at the door of my fridge lol. Perseverance: not giving up on the project and believing that it’s ok to leave things ‘half way done’ – nope, keep breathing, keep ‘pushing’ until it is done. Embracing and acceptance of what I have created, Understanding how I came to procrastinate a clean up and so voilá! Here I create my own master piece of ice to deal with.

The next point will be to effectively remember to defrost it, and not use the stuff inside as an excuse to not do so, because practically speaking, it would not make much of a difference to have 3 hours of no ‘freezing mode’ for the food inside, as opposed to having to eat everything and leaving the whole thing to defrost for 24 hours… This is where Prevention as a living word comes: doing  the defrost regularly, and prevent the fuckup.

I commit myself to do the same with my mind, as points emerge, to not even allow them to ‘pile up’ but In the Moment, change, decide to breathe, decide to Prevent consequence – and if it is ‘too late’ and I’ve created consequence, to stand up to my creation, to deal with it in a directive manner which means, not throwing fits, not ‘thinking what I should have and should have not done’ or attempting to throw blames at the thing or others…. But entirely embrace the situation as my creation and deal with it the best and most effective way.

This might be a seemingly ‘uninteresting’ point but, it actually reflects a lot as to how I can be very diligent in many things, but there are ‘simple things’ that I have left just ‘slip out of my awareness’ and cause this mess every month or two months – or more, it has happened! – so, for once and for all to integrate all of these points within myself, to learn also from a better way to deal with consequence, but even better: to learn how to prevent it, within and without of myself.

Regular defrosting sessions with myself mean: writing, speaking self forgiveness in the moment as I know and experience that I am diving into a reaction, and do regular writings from my day to day to see what have I changed, what can I learn from the day, where did I see I was challenged in my stability and so establishing ways to continue assisting myself to improve, to stand up to things in a more apt manner.

Emotions, just like the stuck piles of frozen eyes in my freezer, are nothing else but these seemingly unnoticeable consequences that we create day by day, moment by moment in our lives and if we don’t do regular ‘defrosts’, man, it piles up to the point of ‘exploding’ – or in my freezer case, become icebergs – around a point and then sometimes we believe it’s too hard or difficult to face our creation, our experience, our consequences… but, it really is nothing else but our creation, so we need to stand up to it and be HERE in every moment, which means deciding to apply that moment to moment change, it is a decision, a deliberate decision that won’t emerge naturally from within ourselves. This is what I see change means to me, and nothing/no one else can do this for me, I owe it to myself. It’s a decision to live words instead of rehashing the same old ‘throwing a tantrum me’

Thanks for reading.

 

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445. Living Self-Forgiveness: Jealousy

One common thing that can emerge when working with and applying the tool of self-forgiveness is that throughout time as in months of years of writing it out, one can still find oneself going into the same patterns such as an emotional reaction, or having the same ‘insta-behavior’ come up as an experience within us toward someone in our lives that doesn’t seem to change at all or ‘get better’ with time. Throughout assisting myself and others in this process of understanding and living self-forgiveness, a usual or common thing to conclude of this experience is that self-forgiveness is not working, it’s useless, it has done nothing to me, it’s supposed to be good but I haven’t noticed any changes after writing it, not seeing a result after writing heaps of self-forgiveness…

Well, this is where the ‘who we are’ within writing self-forgiveness and in the entire process of deciding to apply self-forgiveness is what matters. I’ll share some of the ways I’ve noticed that self-forgiveness is understood as and I’m going to share what I’ve seen thus far to possibly ‘dispel’ or clarify for anyone that is already well into their process of living and applying Self Forgiveness some of these experiences.

For more reference on what ‘Self Forgiveness is’ please read:  Self Forgiveness: How-To, Why, What, Where, When?

 

One aspect is when we give self-forgiveness as the process of writing it out some kind of ‘magic’ quality or ability to ‘immediately release us’ from such experiences – merely through the act of writing or ‘spelling it out’ as is. This is something that entirely depends on ‘who one is’ when writing self-forgiveness. Writing Self-Forgiveness is not merely an intellectual process of placing these letters of ‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself’ and copy-paste them into a line and go filling it out with all the things we have seemingly done ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ within ourselves… I mean I can understand why it may seem like a repetitive mantra if anything when seeing it written out in a single document. However, what actually matters is ‘who one is’ when writing it out: are we writing it out as a form of self-communication, of self-exposure, self-declaration or even ‘confession’ of what one has been and become and then asking ourselves: are we writing within the hope that the very ‘writing out’ of it will ‘resolve the point within oneself’ as in merely ‘typing it out’ and printing it out or sending it out as an assignment or publishing a blog and ‘be done’ with it? Or have others see it and believe that ‘one is walking one’s process’? Nope, it doesn’t work like that and it definitely defeats the whole purpose of the SELF in self forgiveness. However this is not at all a judgment, nor will any of what I’ll share as examples of how this can happen, because we have lived our entire lives mostly focusing on ‘others’ and how ‘others’ perceive us, how we ‘feel’ toward others instead of focusing entirely on what we create and live Within ourselves, which is very different and something that is necessary to be willing to walk through and understand when applying self-forgiveness.  

I’ve had many conversations before on this point and how self-forgiveness if genuine in one moment, it in fact could take one single statement/writing and sounding/voicing of the Self Forgiveness in order to realize what one is doing, being aware of the responsibility one holds within such point one is forgiving and then being able to – in self-honesty and self-responsibility – create that space within oneself to admitting it, clarifying it and so laying the experience/pattern out in the form of self-forgiveness in written or sounding manner to then, ‘flag point’ or make a ‘mental note’ – for a lack of a better expression – about such point/points to change within oneself from now on, so that every time that the same pattern ‘rears its head’ one is able to remember “Ah! This is what I’ve self-forgiven, this is the moment where I now decide to change and act according to what I’ve written out in a self-corrective statement” or “Ok, this is the moment where now I decide to live the word I saw is the way to stand up from this experience within myself”

And so practically – every moment, every day – whenever this same pattern ‘rears its head’ in any form, one is then placed in the right spot to do the actual living change process, no matter how many times or how long it takes. This is what is often missed in the process of ‘applying self-forgiveness’ where it is mostly a written process, as if it was a ‘spelling out’ of one’s demons for once and for all and be done with it to burn it to ashes and have all of it ‘deleted’ from our bodies, our minds and beingness. Nope, doesn’t work that way, it entails a process of Living Self Forgiveness.

What does this ‘Living Self Forgiveness’ process mean?  How I’ve seen it is that when writing out self-forgiveness within the stance of actually and truly being willing to stand up from an experience, a reaction, a character, an ‘addiction’ one may have towards an experience or anything else that one wants to change within oneself, the writing out of these patterns is an interactive process of genuinely recognizing these – excuse the words but – fuckups within oneself that one genuinely recognizes we need to change if we are to become a better person, if we are to become the potential we are aware we can be. This practically means that if there is no actual intent and acknowledgement on how to actually ‘walk the talk’ as in walk the corrections in real time which entails a change in one’s way of communicating, behaving, dealing with or being within a certain moment or a particular person, it becomes no different to signing a contract that one eventually breaks the next moment when not living up to what one has agreed to be and become or do in a written manner, no matter how masterfully or how many pages one can write about the pattern: the proof is in the pudding.  

Here is then the point where we might perceive that Self Forgiveness is not working or it is ‘failing us’, because one can simply not be acknowledging the actual living process of practical self-change that comes From the moment one Decides to write out self-forgiveness, from the moment that one acknowledges there is something to change and work throughout time – and space – to change, align or correct within oneself to then live the way that we see is best for oneself and so best for others as well.

 

Another aspect in which one can ‘think, feel or perceive’ that Self Forgiveness is not working is when one has lived out a pattern or an experience for many, many years and then expect that through writing some Self Forgiveness sentences – or hundreds of pages on it – should already free us from the same pattern or behavior for once and for all, when this is also not really so. Why? In the mind, every time that we participate in a particular pattern or experience, we create layers of that upon our very own physical body as a form of conditioning.

I’ll place an example, let’s say one is experiencing jealousy toward another person and one participates in the experience of jealousy toward that person every time that one sees the person, thinks of them or someone brings up the name of that person and we react with the same backchat or even just physical discomfort of how such person is ‘better than me’ or ‘prettier’ or ‘wiser’ or ‘richer’ or whatever it is that one is envying/being jealous about another. So, every time one goes into the experience, one creates a layer of the same pattern imprinted on our very own physical body, and so It is no different to when one practices to master some kind of skill or ability, where through repetition and so practice we ‘get it’ or are able to ‘perform it’ or do it without a sweat/ without great effort; same goes with these behaviors we actually now want to change of ourselves, where we didn’t realize – or want to realize – while we were becoming jealous about someone that we were in fact participating in the experience of jealousy and so becoming emotional about it, maybe if not even thinking of it, experiencing our body being tense, uncomfortable whenever that person was present or mentioned or anything like that, because of the extent in which we have programmed ourselves – through repetition – to react that way in relation to that particular person. 

This is really the most nitty-gritty or challenging aspect of Living Self-Forgiveness, because this is where the ‘proof of the pudding’ is once again, where one can write hundreds of self forgiveness statements, hundreds of pages about how one has related to that person one experiences jealousy toward, and lay out all the corrections to the point where In Theory it sounds great, all aligned and considering common sense, etc. But! If when one is still in the presence of the person, or when the person is even mentioned or when one even places that person in one’s imagination and Still one gets the same discomfort, tension, almost a ‘paralyzing’ experience that we’ve defined now as jealousy, then it means that there IS something that we still have to practically let go of in those moments of justifying our reasons to be ‘jealous of,’ it means one has to – depending on the severity of the physical experience – rather direct oneself to do something physical in that moment to step out of the experience, besides breathing and slowing down and so create a new direction in the way we want to relate to that person.

In this example of ‘walking through jealousy’ I can suggest living the word ‘equality’ wherein In the moment I notice that the ‘layers of the accumulated jealousy’ toward another kick in in one moment, I stand back for a moment to first stabilize and then bring through within myself the corrections and realizations I have written out before in relation to the person; this means to simply to remind myself that ‘I have walked this experience in relation to x person, therefore, here it is, the opportunity to stand as an equal to x and rather learn from x, communicate with x to establish a supportive relationship where I can in fact acknowledge that what x is/has/is becoming is in fact an expression of what we all can be in our own individual ways and lives, which then directs me to consider and focus on the potential, being grateful with that other person for doing or being something that is supportive toward themselves, life, others and so being an example toward myself and others of what one can get to be/become as well. This sounds also easy to say, but in that moment one has to become aware of potential so-called ‘resistances’ to not realize this, because in our minds we have to understand we have become very dependent on rather relating to others through conflictive relationships rather than supportive ones, and that’s where one has to ‘push’ at times to do what is most supportive, it won’t come ‘easy’ or ‘natural’ either and that’s how one knows one is ‘on the right track’ too, it’s getting out of the previously created ‘comfort zone’ as ‘jealousy’ toward another, preventing us from actually standing equal to others and appreciating them and their expression.

One note to consider in this point of jealousy, here to acknowledge the differences of life experiences and so processes that each one of us will walk through in our lives, where one cannot really ‘compare’ oneself to another person, because, it is really like wanting to compare two trees and deciding which one is the best…. This of course considering that I see trees as an immediate form of reference for uniqueness and individuality, yet ‘sameness’ in the sense that we all know what a ‘tree’ is and can be, but ultimately no tree can be like another…. Lol, it’s funny how sometimes we forget to apply this same thing to ourselves as human beings, but it is so.

Therefore living the self-forgiveness to stand as an equal to another in the moment of facing a ‘possession’ of jealousy is to physically, practically, in every moment that this experience ‘rears its head’ or even we see the tip of it coming up, that we remind ourselves of the written/self-forgiveness process we have walked about it, what our corrections and alignments were and stick to that as a new way of living and relating to person x from here on, for life.

Another layer of the challenges one can face is that if one has lived such a pattern of jealousy for say decades on, it makes sense it will take quite some time to be able to stand fully clear in front of person x and be devoid of jealousy toward them, it really depends on each person and there’s no rule to this either as to ‘how long’ it will take, because this is more about the absolute standing of ‘who one is’ in the moment of facing that other person and so actively deciding to change or not: am I already deciding to live the word equality and appreciation of another’s life and expression? Or am I still holding on to seeing myself as inferior, not as good as, or not as ‘wealthy’ or whatever it is I might compare myself to another for?

The decision to Live Self Forgiveness cannot be altered or changed by anyone else but ourselves, we can only continue kidding or deceiving ourselves or not, and that’s where the development of self-honesty comes through as an actual Living of Self-Forgiveness where one no longer sees ‘others’ or a situation as ‘the origin’ of the problem, but we instead understand how we’ve made of everything and everyone like triggers to make some of our self-cultivated and planted experiences pop out, because they exist within ourselves, we’ve given them our ‘breaths of life’ to create such thoughts and experiences, so it’s never really about ‘the other’ person or situation, at all. It’s always about what we have accepted and allowed to exist within us as an emotional or feeling reaction, a judgment, an opinion, a behavior, a practice, a thinking pattern… etc. These are the moments of real change where I’d dare to say that Self Forgiveness is like laying down the theory, the ‘recipe’ for something, yet the actual proof is when the theory is placed in to practical living application, where one takes the recipe and follows the steps one has placed out to create a certain outcome, and in doing so being willing to practice it, to go through trial and error, to even re-write the steps to the correction and test it out again and repeat it as many times as it takes to get to an optimal stable stance and experience – in this case or example – when facing, communicating, interacting, thinking of or hearing/reading the name of that particular person one has experienced jealousy towards.

And here there are also some points to be aware of such as ‘wanting to for once and for all ‘make peace with’ or ‘bury the hatchet’’ in relation to our experience toward another  and so making it all seem ‘done’ and ‘be ok’ with it on the surface, but this will be proven insufficient or superficially done when facing x person again and seeing the same experience come up, and that can be most likely because one wanted to simply ‘get it over with’ and ‘be done with the experience’ through writing out self-forgiveness, but the reality is that all of that becomes just an attempt to have a ‘quick fix’ and it most likely proves itself to be when the same experience is still there, which means: one has to dig deeper or simply make a more firm decision within oneself to actually change when facing x person.

Another layer of self-deception that prevents oneself from living self forgiveness is a more ‘sneaky one’ lol and that’s if one holds on to the same experience – consciously or inadvertently so – that stands as a point of stubbornness within oneself where one wants to Hold On To the reaction of jealousy or any other emotional reaction toward the person ‘because of….’ And here come all the justifications, the excuses, the ‘reasoning’ as to ‘why’ we are meant to keep or hold our jealousy toward that one person… here what one misses is that we are not really doing it ‘to them’ or ‘to person x’ but we are doing this to ourselves! We are the ones holding on to this stubbornness of reasoning and justifying why we are jealous of them… which of course defeats the whole purpose of walking self-forgiveness and self-honesty, because one is not yet fully and entirely willing to let go of the knowledge and information as reasons and justifications that create a self-righteous experience one has ‘toward another.’

I’d say this is the most self-deceptive and so – by means or as a consequence our own creation – the most difficult point to be at in one’s process, where one keeps pointing a finger at ‘the other’ as ‘the source of the experience’ – which forms blame, self-victimization, self-pity and inferiority, self-righteousness, stubbornness –  and considers that either they are the ones to change ‘toward us’ or we can’t just stop this seemingly overwhelming experience which – I know, I know – it might seem very overwhelming, very ‘potent’ at times, but it does take that continuous practice and so facing and interaction with person x to be able to practice our new stance toward that person. This is a Physical Doing, a learning process just like we – so to speak – ‘learned to be jealous’ at another, but now it is about first stopping giving into the energy of jealousy, stabilize oneself through breathing, taking a ‘step back’ from the situation, deliberately realize the common sense of where one wants to stand and be in relation to x person and others and so live that through communicating, interacting, sharing, being with person x and others in the way that one sees is most supportive for everyone. So that’s why Living Self-Forgiveness is a process: takes time, takes self-will, takes a continuous decision and diligence, a form of self-discipline  it takes courage, it takes letting go of one’s ‘pride’ or any other idea of oneself in relation to others, takes humbleness to acknowledge the points one still has to work on and be completely OK with doing it as many times as it takes to get it to a point of effective self-support.

This is part of what I’ve discussed and concluded also in sharing about these same points with several people, of what it takes to actually change something and what the whole meaning and purpose of self-forgiveness is as a ‘giving oneself a second chance’ to live in an effective manner. There are many more, plenty more ways in which one can self-sabotage one’s living of self forgiveness, like when one wants to hold on to some pattern or experience as a form of blame toward others, as a form of self-punishment, as a form of ‘specialness’ or self-definition, as a form of self-pity to then justify not doing the actual effort it takes to create changes in one’s life… the list goes on, but ultimately one can spot these for oneself if one develops a self-honest approach to one’s process with a genuine initiative and starting point to see and realize what one has done or inflicted upon oneself and so others, and decisively live in a way that is most supportive for oneself and others because, really, we don’t ever ‘win’ anything from living in jealousy or any other reaction toward others, we diminish ourselves and our potential, so it’s about time we give ourselves that will to walk through the challenges, walk through the consequences and face the music for the better.

As one can see, this is then not a single ‘once off’ writing out of the patterns, self-forgiving them and believe that one is ‘freed’ from it forevermore… nope! Self-Forgiveness is not a magic spell or a prayer where hoping and wishing that it will ‘go away’ exists… not at all, it is the first step of laying out the acknowledgement, realizations and so practical, physically tangible and descriptive ways in which we are actively deciding who we want to be and how we want to live for the rest of our lives! Easily said, but! A whole different thing is to walk through it, and this is the ‘gist’ of this process where ultimately it is up to each one of us to do it.  

I can only share these words but it is so that each one of us knows exactly when those moments where the potential, the opening, the ‘moment’ of change is here, in front of us, where we either take it and walk it through – as long as it takes, as challenging as it can be – or we decide to keep ourselves looping around like broken records, stuck in the past, in the justifications, in the stubbornness, in the laziness that one can also get into when perceiving it ‘too hard’ to change something, which simply means there’s more self-introspection to do to realize how empowering it is to take self-responsibility, more direction to decide to change oneself and realize how one can actually have the ‘wheel of one’s life’ if we dare to ‘walk the talk/writings’ or do the actual practical ‘field work’ of our self-corrective statements. Nothing that is worth it comes easily, and so the same applies to this process, yet we tend to forget how honoring and supportive it is to walk this process, every phase and moment of it: it’s for ourselves and it is an actual ‘learning how to live’ process, which won’t have this ‘immediate result’ either or an ‘end point’ itself – which most likely be when we die, lol – so it is definitely about learning to live the best way possible and continuing expanding ourselves and our relationships with our life and that of others through it.

Lastly, I can only suggest that the best way to walk and live self-forgiveness is through genuinely and willingly seeing the reality of ourselves – which is not nice or pretty or something laudable yet– but at the same time also assists us to see the potential we can create by our decision, by living words, by changing the way we decide to live our day to day, moment to moment in whatever and with whomever we are. That’s where the reality of this process resides in.

Thanks for reading.

 

For an actual walk through the construct of Jealousy, check out:

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