Category Archives: living potential

632.#EqafeDiscovery:Do We Fear Living?

 

During the process of translating Eqafe material to Spanish, I come to rediscover stuff that perhaps I didn’t ‘hear’ the same way that I do now. This is also how even if I have listened to most of the material in there, I keep revisiting it every day and now I get to hear many different things that I didn’t grasp back when they were first published. At times I have also seen how I can be discriminatory in relation to some of the recordings based on the title, believing that ‘it has nothing to do with me’ or that ‘I can’t relate to it’ or that ‘it’s just not of my interest’, but over the years I’ve proven this immediate-mind-response to be just part of the many limitations and distractions that may still come up within me that at times prevent me from expanding myself. So what do I do? If some of these words come up in me? I go for it, I click and listen to it J hehe

When it comes to recordings in Eqafe, a guideline that I suggest for everyone is to listen to all of the stuff there even if it ‘seemingly’ doesn’t relate to you. For example, I could say ‘well I am not a parent therefore, I don’t have to listen to the parenting series’ or if I was single then saying ‘well I don’t have to listen to the relationships series, for I am single’ – but! We truly miss out on very supportive stuff if we go through life only choosing to hear that which we ‘feel resonates more with us’, because I’ve seen how this is mostly resonating yes, to the most prominent personalities I am living out at a certain point in my life. So, that’s why upon listening to it with an open mind and an open heart to see ‘what can I learn from it?’ No matter what the title, topic or series it is coming from, I can guarantee you that if you are really willing to listen, learn and apply something in your life that you get from those recordings, you will surely benefit from it in your life in many noticeable ways.

So one of those interviews that at first I dismissed because of having a ‘blah, I already know that fear of death is the ultimate fear and so what?’ type of thought, was one Life Review called ‘Fear of Death’ – so that’s why I decided to click on it and translate it.  Upon listening to this short yet substantial message from this lady here, I realized how I had been considering this ‘fear of living’ when it comes to a process of healing and so changing in relation to something that I had defined as being ‘my problem’ that is currently ‘holding me back’ in life. I had suddenly gotten to a ‘bottle neck’ in my inner experience where I needed to process things that I was merely shoving aside and not really working – processing them as we say. It’s been worth it as I’ve been sharing in my past blogs, but the obvious point emerged of how once that the main problem ‘in the head’ is being sorted, solved, ‘healed’ if you will and then changes emerge, there’s now the next step of self-creation to take.

I’ve also been reading a book about healing that a friend of mine recommended and I realized how much we tend to get ‘stuck’ in our minds about all the things that are seemingly ‘not working out’ and we focus on all the flaws, and all the fears and I’ve seen for myself how easy it is to build your stance and experience in life around all that garbage that we allow ourselves to think and believe ‘it’s all that we are,’ which then becomes the way that we see our life, the world, others in our lives and…. it’s no wonder at all how we’ve come to create the current reality we are living in, if we have allowed ourselves to play out the worst of us and let that rule our lives every-single-day and every-single-moment of our waking life – and hell at times we even torture ourselves in our dreams, yep.

The process that I have been walking with Desteni, the process I am learning to integrate day by day of becoming more directive within me and my mind, and now more in contact with my body is aided by the material that I get from Eqafe.com, and I also assure you that it might sound like stuff we somehow ‘already knew’ at the depth of our being, but we have somehow forgotten or gotten lost in translation as they say, taken over by the busy-ness of our lives and distractions to the point where we have forgotten that we have IT all, we have and we are all that we need to take those steps to get out of whatever ‘mental hole’ we might find ourselves in.

Sure, at times it might be difficult to go through certain situations or phases in life, all I can say is: reach out, communicate, speak it out loud with someone because I know how ‘blinded’ one can become if one remains in isolation and/or in fear of opening up with someone what one is going through. To me this is an essential aspect and also why Eqafe.com as part of the Desteni group, is not an isolated type of ‘source’ that you just go and listen and that’s it. It involves self-work, it involves practical application and a sharing, a referencing back of how one is supporting oneself to actually change based on the support that we get through the audios/interviews/recordings. For that, there’s the awesome community Destonians.com where you can also join in weekly chats to share, open up whatever you are working with and walking through in your life. A one of a kind community we are for sure.

Back to the topic! When listening to the audio/video called ‘Fear of Death’ I considered that it could be renamed to ‘Fear of Living’ but! of course, at least in my case I could have perhaps ‘jumped the gun’ and say ‘blah! I don’t’ fear living’ but…. The reality is quite different as you actually walk through certain points, like actually getting to overcome certain ‘obstacles’ or ‘difficulties’ or transcend major problems or addictions in life and then what opens up is: the many possibilities in which we can direct our lives, and so the actual possibility to choose, test out and walk through any of the options and dare to actually live, dare to learn to live in a different and new way and continue learning to live because I very much see that this is what I am here for.

So, as much as it might sound ‘off’ that one can ‘fear living,’ this audio will perhaps assist you in realizing WHY that very fear might be existing in you right now and HOW it plays out in seemingly ‘not so important’ moments in our day to day living. It is those small moments where I’ve seen that I can substantiate my life the most, in all those ‘little moments’ that I believed ‘didn’t matter’ because I wasn’t ‘producing’ something or I wasn’t necessarily creating an ‘impact’ on someone else… yet, I see that those moments that I am dedicating to live the best of me, to express me and so focusing on looking at what are the directions, talents, skills and abilities that I would like to now give direction to, there’s like a new opening to life and living that in fact has always been there, I had just sort of used the excuse of a mental-mindfuck (sorry for the language, but that’s what it is) to create a justification of why I had to kind of ‘place my life on hold’ and focus too much on ‘sorting issues out’ and place my self-creation on pause. Now, I don’t judge this as a waste of time or as something bad either, I now see it as part of the things that I had to confront and understand about myself and how I in fact create my experience and my life.

It is now up to me to take the steps to actually stop living in the habit that I gave my energy and breaths to that took me down to a bit of a rabbit hole in my personal experience, to learn from it, to see what I have to self-forgive and so to decide my next steps. Even though I see this direction, it is so that in our minds, the tendency of the ‘old habits’ to live in fear essentially will still come up. I know it is possible to live without the constant ‘fear’ and believe me, I THOUGHT that I was a fearless person…… yep! Well, it’s cool to get humble and realize ‘Nope! I definitely see I was many times acting out of fear!’ so that’s how I’m also glad I got to hear this through the audio so that I can become aware of the ‘little habits’ that have taken me to that inner experience, which sure may come and go, but now I can identify it better, give it a name and so decide in that moment what I decide to live.

So to me this is one simple, simple example of how listening to an Eqafe recording can confirm an entire process that I’ve been walking and how it can assist one even further to ‘take the next steps’ we might be missing out on or not giving the proper attention, relevance and importance they require, which are in fact the building blocks of our self-creation, the actuality of LIVING the best of ourselves, the actuality of BEING the best of ourselves – yes, acknowledging the downfalls, the ‘off’ moments, but somehow this audio assists with realizing what those OFF moments really are and so, be able to grasp it, identify them and so be able to DO something about it.

I’m more than glad I have this awesome source of support, every time I see scientists, psychologists, sociologists or any other person that still have some certain ‘big questions’ such as how was the universe created? what is consciousness in fact? How do animals think or communicate? How do our bodies relate to our minds? Is there life after death? Etc. I kind of go back to my senses in realizing that Eqafe is not yet broadly known in humanity, yet the information is here. So, I can’t even consider where I would be if I wasn’t aware of all of these things already to get the ‘curiosity’ out of my bag around those topics and focus on things that are right ‘here’ for me to work with.

All I can say is be part of this opportunity and take that step forward not only in getting educated about all-things-life and living, but also dare to take the steps to Live and Apply all the practical support that one can gather from every recording, to be the example of what it means to break free from the ‘programming,’ and! With that, assist not only yourself, but the rest of who we are as life to give a continued expansion to this process of self-awareness, to actually be, become and birth life from the physical.

Ok! I leave this one for you then to ponder about J Sign up for the Eqafe Unlimited  Plan which is an incredible offer to have access to this audio I mentioned and more than 4,000 other titles that you can benefit from learning in virtually every aspect of what it means to be a living being in this existence. So, don’t’ wait any longer! Be part of the real evolution that is very much needed in our world.

 

Thanks for reading

 

breathing being

 

Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty

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626. The Freedom of Shared Responsibility

 

Here I share an update to my previous blog which will be my personal reflection and reading of a situation like this in the current world we are living in where social media has become in the individual press or medium of communication that enables us to create awareness of basically anything in our world, and at the same time consider the ‘greater scheme’ of how things that will emerge and will be coming through as scandals or online viperous content are also part of a very bumpy – yet necessary – ride to create further awareness of the effect that our actions have upon others, while also learning to discern what is truth and what isn’t based on facts and within that, learning to essentially stand in truth because nothing can distort that, because it is self-evident, and that’s essentially our real freedom, to own and take responsibility of our participation in the co-creation of reality and know ‘who we are’ within it all, so that one can then decide to change the ‘problematic’ actions and attitudes within myself  – that’s self-honesty to me.  

So, without giving too many details for obvious reasons, I was part of the conciliation process that took place in order to create a form of ‘justice’ to the person that felt aggravated by the actions of other people that were professionally involved with my partner. My partner faced his own ‘charges’ directly with the person that felt aggravated by him. To me it was quite an example of how one can be the living expression of ‘your truth sets you free’ because there was nothing to fear when you know exactly what you did, how you did it and the starting point of it. It took an apology to realize that his actions and words simply had an effect he had not considered could cause a negative reaction in the other person, and that was essentially about it. The whole ‘exacerbation’ of the situation essentially deflated when he decided to talk to the person face to face and clarify the situation. This involved the acknowledgement of making mistakes and how we can learn from it, how to change from now on.

The ability to come to an agreement exists when people are placed face to face to talk things out without having the ‘he/she said this/that’ over social media gossip only. The whole thing changes when you are there talking to the person that created a certain image of you online and start laying out the facts, recognize the mistakes, ask for forgiveness and move forward to create a peace arrangement, recognizing the responsibility on the ‘aggravator’ side in this case.

I personally tried to share the concept of shared responsibility where it always takes ‘two to tango’ in any situation, and how the person remained in such work relationship by their own choice. I was vehemently ‘shut down’ with my remark, because the whole set up was of having a victimhood and aggressor type of polarity in the conversation. This is one of those moments where I realized there was no opening to this kind of concepts when you have emotionally ‘enraged’ people and certain laws being used to treat a point of awareness of responsibility as ‘adding fuel to the fire.’ I had to keep quiet after that realizing I could stir up more conflict in a situation where conciliation was aimed to be made.

Here I’ll be sharing my perspectives on what I’ve observed not only first hand from this situation, but also in the context of what’s going on in the world in the realm of ‘political correctness’ and all of these attempts to ‘make people pay’ for past situations where people that felt aggravated didn’t speak up – or where people are currently taking offense much easier than before, where even now trying to make a simple joke can give you labels of the worst kind, where even mentioning a word has led people to lose their jobs as CEO’s of big corporations, comics have been kicked out of colleges for ‘telling the wrong jokes,’ and world leaders are being a constant source of internet bullying because of not providing a ‘politically correct’ view of people… and the list goes infamously on. That simply shows ‘where we are’ as humanity, that’s our current mirror.

I’ve mostly been observing and seeing what the ‘climate’ of all of these accusations, ‘revelations’ and ‘me too’ movements have created and have become. Each person has the ability to use their words and the media of their choice to say what they feel they ‘have a right’ to say. The problem is we don’t consider our responsibility in it all and the way that we affect each other, and at the same time how to learn and realize that no one can make you feel bad, feel less, feel down, feel offended unless one allows it or unless one ‘identifies’ with certain ‘label’ or word that may trigger an emotional reaction in us. That is part of this process as well where I’ve learned to see where and how I used to identify with certain judgments – essentially standing as Self-Judgment – and from there realize that any reaction I get from anyone ‘calling me that’ is simply because I accept and allow such word and a reaction to it to exist within me. I know it sounds difficult to do, but it’s work that’s worth doing for the sake of personal growth and change.

Currently writing or saying something about ‘taking responsibility’ on the side of the ‘offended’ one becomes outrageous in a climate like the one we are living ‘out there’ where people are deciding it’s quite easy to accuse and become a victim – and in that blindly supporting the victims – which is why the world is becoming the kind of ‘you said he said’ circus of misinformation and gossip that are dividing people more and more.

It seems ‘easier’ for some to not create any form of awareness of responsibility or perhaps not even deciding to consider it because it basically would destroy every single accusation or offense claim done, because one would realize ‘whatever I feel or experience from these words, I create within me, no one else can get inside my head to cause me to feel bad about it.’ But these seem to be still ‘superhero’ concepts as in them being ‘out of reach’ of any regular human being, when they are not, we are doing it as well in this process at Desteni. This doesn’t mean that some people may in fact want to inflict abuse, harm or extortion on others, that definitely does exist as well, but then it takes us to another reading, to understand how a person came to be the kind that would want to deliberately harm, abuse or vex others. That is also something that can be understood to take responsibility  – as in assisting to change it within self – and forgive it, not taking it personally and creating more problems about it. Sometimes simply talking to the person to know ‘who they are’ leads us to understand why they do certain things, and this also assists in realizing one cannot take personally others’ wrongdoings either. But this is also part of this process where one willingly decides to live the word Understanding, rather than going through the seemingly ‘easy’ path of blame and victimhood.  

So unless the person is devoid of all of their mental and physical capacity to think for themselves, every single person that stands in any form of victimhood needs to assess this first point of responsibility: how did I come to create, accept and allow this in my life and reality? What kind of steps, decisions and choices did I make to get to where I am currently? This is one of the main things that have made me a ‘freer’ person. I’ve written in countless blogs how I used to stand in blame towards every single human – hypothetically speaking – for ‘how fucked up we are as humanity’ and how I saw no way out other than completely ignoring the world – well, trying to – but ending up with a very pessimistic and nihilistic view about life and of any future for ourselves.  This led me to feel anger, resentment and feel completely disempowered to change anything, because I kept blaming the world system, ‘those in power,’ those that apparently made all the ‘wrong choices’ that affected my life and those around me.

Deciding to step outside of victimhood and blame is genuinely empowering and this was only possible due to studying the Eqafe.com material where I truly got to understand the ‘greater’ picture, and I mean ‘greater’ as in existential-level greater, where I got to grasp that any form of abuse is always Self-Abuse, because we are all in fact one and equal, and this is not in the nice and fluffy sense that some aspects of spirituality or religion portray, but this is at a matter level, where we are truly one and the same, we have just separated ourselves into oblivion, not only as individuals, but even within ourselves where we have our mind, our being and our body separated ‘within ourselves’ which is why we don’t realize what we were – and have been – doing ‘it’ to ourselves all along, which is self-evident now that we witness the truth and reality we are in.

Even though a lot of ‘shit’ seems to be hitting the fan, and cans of worms seem to be opening up everywhere – which is something we also knew would Have to happen in order for the old to go and the new to emerge – there are also great things happening in the realm of ‘waking up’ and taking more responsibility and creating more awareness of who we really are, and that’s also why some events are causing the scandals we are now seeing in the media or on social media every single day, people coming up with past stuff to blame people and in a way believe that it is that way to create any form of solution to the problems, when it is genuinely not and it is causing much more harm, violence, defamation and unnecessary paranoia around it. However all in all, it does serve as a point of awareness to the kind of abuses, harm, violations to life that exist which are things that have been kept ‘inside’ each person throughout human history.

We just now happen to have things like Facebook, Twitter and other places where each one can share themselves to whichever intent. But in all of such expressions of accusations, I haven’t yet read or seen one single person admitting to have placed themselves in such positions to be on the ‘receiving’ end of any form of abuse. And it is rare at the same time to find people that assume full responsibility for their aggravations without fear, understanding the situation and committing to change themselves for the best. I personally am fond of my partner for being one of them and serves as a great example of how things can be sorted with self responsibility, and how there’s nothing to fear when you know exactly ‘what you did’ and why you did it.

As a side note, it was also interesting to see how a publication with ‘scandalous’ content got shared thousands of times and commented on endlessly, while another publication with a signed agreement of conciliation of peace between the involved parties got only ‘a few likes’ and a few comments of approval. It does reveal a lot ‘where we are’ as a society and this has saddened some of my friends, but, I stick to the point of seeing the greater picture of not taking it personally but move on with the solutions as planned, because I know that falling into despair is just another outflow of reaction that leads nowhere but personal disempowerment, thus, we need to acknowledge, understand and move on standing clear on it, even being willing to support others that may be affected by similar situations which is something that I am open to do as well.

I initially also felt limited or ‘violated’ in my right to speak about shared responsibility in such conciliation process, because I was essentially told to ‘shut up’ or I could aggravate the situation. That’s a moment where I had to see my reaction coming up and decide to slow down and take one step back, breathe and realize that there are and possibly will be situations where the actual truth of the facts cannot be fully embraced or even mentioned, because there are factions that are completely entrenched in a sense of entitlement  that prevents them from hearing any form of common sensical approach to a situation such as where the two parts are considered as co-creators of a situation. It was baffling to me, but in that moment I realized that I could indeed do more harm than ‘good’ by trying to ‘create awareness’ about something that could destroy a ‘conciliatory’ process in the making. What I did instead after the whole more ‘serious’ part of the conciliatory process was done is to extend a hand of support for the person that was aggravated, to share how I do this as part of my living and how I am interested in people’s wellbeing regardless of anything. So that’s where I decided to stand in relation to ‘the other side’ for the sake of giving a name here, it was my way of living forgiveness in that simple moment as well.

This I share as well as a cautionary tale, where one needs to learn how to read the matrix so to speak, the context of the situation, the political and social ideas behind these kind of accusations, the laws and how the people on the victim-stance are expressing – such as if they are enraged, angry, nervous, etc. Because then it is my responsibility to know that saying something can ‘detonate’ them further on, so that’s where I have to take that step further and not step on my ‘high horse’ so to speak, which could have caused more conflict.  It is also well known that our current legal frameworks do not cater common sense or the consideration of shared responsibility. It is a polarized system where the only sense of ‘justice’ that exists is placing someone in jail or sending them to death penalty or asking them for money as a form of conciliation. That is of course only handling consequences….

But how about creating spaces to genuinely converse and admit the simple fact of ‘it takes two to tango’ and assist both or more parties to step outside of the disempowerment of victimhood and offender – that in fact attracts more dissent, polarization, violence and rage – and in doing so, assume a more responsible and wholesome stance where each person involved is assisted to recognize their participation in the co-creation of the situation, to understand the mental processes that led to the creation of ‘the problem’ and from there create a conciliatory process where one can understand the other and commit to a process of learning from the mistakes to change such habits, attitudes, actions or ways of being in order to prevent further mistakes and so further problems or accusations. That’s living forgiveness and that is not currently in any legal framework to my awareness.

In a way it is sad that one cannot say such things in the moment, because based on the situation where there’s almost like a victimhood standoff, it is almost impossible to hear any form of shared-responsibility concept. But there I said it, perhaps I planted a seed of awareness, perhaps not. But at least I didn’t keep quiet about it, couldn’t say all of what I’m writing here today and that’s also how I see the importance of using the tools we have of sharing ourselves, of creating blogs, sharing our perspectives within self-responsibility. Here I am making the best that I can to ensure that my words stand as a perspective that is geared to support ourselves as human beings – not taking any sides here – to face conflict, to prevent conflict, to handle conflictive situations in a way that can honor each other and ultimately life itself.

This is how I see we need tools of support at a legal level so that the labels of ‘the victim’ and the ‘perpetrator’ are removed for a moment to look at where each one stands and how the situation came to be, so that there is an awareness creation of each other’s participation in the event, and so create a mutual process of real reformation if you will, which doesn’t come with a sense of vengeance or punishment or ‘compensation for the damage done’, but in the intent of actual change and restoration of the individual, for any ‘other’ is also ‘us’ that have gone astray in one way or another, they are also the product and result of the whole society/world we have co-created.

And this is why blame is lame as they say, it prevents us from acknowledging that we have all created the world as is, we have all been co-creators all the way, we have just blindly and comfortably forgotten, and that is what’s currently being used with greater force in certain factions or groups that create an identity point based sexual preferences, gender, race, nationality, ideology, political inclinations, religions, all kinds of paraphilias and the list goes unfortunately on, missing out the fact of how any form of label/tag divides and conquers us further. It truly saddens me to see how we have separated ourselves from the basic humanity that we all are, devoid of creeds, beliefs, postures, colors, dogmas. It is indeed sad undoubtedly how much ‘shit’ we can talk about one another, how easily we can attack and blame and not even care to investigate the facts. I’ve been there myself as well and can’t claim innocence at all in the past, but I’ve been committing myself to change that within this process for the past 11 years. Sometimes learning the tough way is what we need, a huge ‘wake up call’ to see how we are participating with each other person in this world.

At the time, it seems things are ‘getting out of hand’ in the world where virtually any wrong word may get you on the spotlight and be labeled as the worst of the worst…. We are on a learning curve as well on how to best make use of this current notion of ‘free speech’ and the ability we have to publish whatever we want. I believe it is only our truth that can set us free, and that truth doesn’t mean always doing things ‘right’ or ‘correctly,’ but it also means being able to stand in the front of the person and the totality of the world and explain ourselves, recognize the facts, the context, explain the wrongdoings and commit to change, to live forgiveness, for that is a far more valuable act and a much less ‘explosive’ than going through social media asking for revenge or simple slander to defame others and causing multiple effects that at times we have no consideration for, because we see it as ‘part of the consequences,’ but I see it now as another source of conflict even for people that haven’t been personally involved in the events.

This is also another rather ‘disastrous’ process that sure, can break us further apart, but in the cases that we do care to assist each other to ‘open eyes,’ we can take the time to share our perspectives on a controversial topic or situation like this to present a more common sensical approach to things, to learn to read things properly, to not take immediate ‘sides’ to a story and to formulate a personal stance in relation to all things that we may become aware of in the world. Doing this can in fact make us grow as humanity, but remaining divided – and so conquered – only adds up to the plethora of problems we have to sort out.

Based on the situation I explained in my previous blog, I became aware of people that came in contact with the information and created a conflict with one another for not agreeing on how things were taken by each. This is also part of seeing each others’ ‘truth’ if you will, it will disrupt the way that we believed we liked or agreed with each other to reveal the truth of who we are and yes, that’s part of discovering self-honesty too, it is not nice, it is not pretty, it will be something quite radical and may seem polarizing and disruptive, but it’s part of the necessary ‘opening’ of the cans of worms as I see it, where only – once again – one’s truth will set ourselves free. Actually if one stands clear within oneself, there is nothing to fear, and this is the way to debunk any claims of wrongdoings that one is certain one hasn’t done. IF one has, then, sure, there we go! It sure is time to step up and assume responsibility and commit to changing what one has done and focus on how to stop recreating the same in the present and in the future, because it is what’s best for all, it will prevent further harm, abuse or offense towards others.

Something that I also see is happening is a sense of false empowerment when accusing others, and this is also something that can only happen if there’s no acknowledgement of shared responsibility.  I’ve been there and done that in the past as well where, as I’ve shared countless of times in this blog throughout the past years how I used to ‘rejoice’ in speaking shit – sorry but that’s what it is – about governments, and the ‘elites’ I thought were to blame for everything going wrong in this world, about religious leaders and organized religions, and basically anyone else I judged as evil and wrong in my previous mindset, the one I had before starting this process of self-awareness with Desteni and the mindset I AM still working with whenever it rears its head within me day to day.

I cannot be any more grateful for the ability that I have now to recognize my co-creation and co-responsibility in the creation of this world, our lives, our bodies as they are. It has assisted me to change the very fiber of my being that used to stand in that sense of ‘entitlement’ to feel like a victim, believing I was ‘empowering’ myself by pointing fingers at others, never realizing that in blame and in that position of victimhood I was in fact the most disempowered, I actually felt the most miserable because I thought that punishment and ‘bringing others down’ was the only way to create any restoration of justice. I was in fact recreating the same problems I was complaining about in this world, I was wishing ‘the end’ of those I believed to be the problem. I never realizing I was ‘digging my own grave’ as they say here, I was doing it all to myself.

Walking the Desteni process and the Eqafe self-support material have enabled me to recognize the actual obstacle that blame and victimhood are, and so rather realize the potential and the actual power/capacity I have to focus on changing me, in stopping blaming others and feeling like a victim, to owning my thoughts, words and deeds, to be willing to recognize my participation in the ‘fucked up’ reality we live in and realize that the one true power I hold is to change ME, and that seeking revenge or ‘justice’ as punishment would truly get us nowhere as humanity but further down the downward spiral.

I have realized that I have to be the change, and stop focusing on pointing fingers at others, because that was causing more harm in my body, it was in fact like an ‘anger’ sickness that made me depressed and hopeless and yes, it has taken quite some time to change it, but every single moment I decide to stand in understanding of a situation within this consideration of who we are in our minds, the consequences we’ve created as a society, the role that each one of us has in creating the outflows we face and no longer taking a unilateral approach to things that I face in my life has been like healing a long lasting ‘wound’ of ‘feeling empowered’ when blaming others and believing that ‘that was the solution.’

Again, it’s not, but it also takes courage and a process to stand in self-honesty, to dare to see who we are, who we have become, to own our choices and decisions made that have taken us to walk through every single aspect of our lives, no matter how ‘fortuitous’ they may seem, if we are experiencing them, then we can own our responsibility in it, which simply means to respond, to own our actions, to be aware of the situations we might possibly create if we act or speak certain words – and to always consider what is best for all involved, to learn to do others as we would like to be done onto, to consider ‘the other’ as myself.

These are key principles that even in the face of moments where I believe that I am being ‘limited’ in my expression about something I believe ‘makes sense and is right’, assist me to take the ‘next step’ which is to read the situation in its current stance, to understand that some people are not yet at that position where they can be willing themselves to understand co-creation yet, to consider that for some people might take longer to understand a more holistic approach to any form of problem creation. To consider as well how blinded we can become by our own emotions or characters we take on that we believe empower us, and can’t see the reality of how they are in fact disempowering us.  Within such understanding of ‘where each other is at’ in their lives, it makes it easier to let go of wanting someone to understand something that they simply might not be ready or willing to acknowledge yet, and that’s where I remind myself of my only true power as well: to be an example of how to best handle the situations, how to stand in the face of conflict, how to take responsibility but not ‘enforce’ change or certain ways on others.

Here is also where trusting myself and trusting life comes in. At times I’ve seen how I can be quite pushy in wanting others to understand something that I see ‘benefits them/everyone involved’ and how this can cause further reactions and realize that such reactions are an indication that there is no ‘opening’ yet in the other person to see what I am seeing/saying. It also might mean that I’m ‘reading’ the situation completely wrong and that I need my own words and actions to be cross-referenced, because they can be in fact out of place and not clear. The reactions also allow me to read ‘where a person is at’ and also see myself in it, to see what still ‘disturbs me’ so that I can work with it and in so, seeing what I haven’t yet forgiven as my own experience, as my own creation. Doing that enables me to ‘move’ as in speak, act, direct accordingly.

I’ve met people in my life, including one of the persons that I’m grateful for has created the opportunity to create this moment of conciliation, that in an almost instant manner we could see that we were ‘on the same page’ so to speak in the reading of the events and the greater scheme of how these things are going on in the world.  This is actually quite cool because! It gives me hope in humanity to find people like that. I can also say this of a person that I met in the most seemingly fortuitous situation and eventually realized how ‘aligned’ we are in order to work together in a project and basically be on the same page about how we view ourselves, our lives and the potential we see in people. That is also another example of how upon communicating and learning to ‘read’ people through their responses I’ve been able to establish relationships with people that I know ‘are there’ in this world and are doing ‘their thing’ and in their own way yet within the same principles.

That’s comforting because, as crazy as it may seem, it is hard at times to walk this process at the level we do within Desteni and at times one feels a bit isolated, as if ‘no one else’ could see and understand things the way we do. Thus it has been comforting to find people that do see life/things in a very similar way and how it IS possible to create that understanding and common ground no matter what their ‘background’ is; it’s a confirmation that life and living principles stand on their own, no matter what ‘road’ you take to get to them, and that’s awesome and it is actually cool to know people like that outside of the group that I know and am aware of are people walking this same process with me – even if living in very distant countries. I am also glad that ‘they are here’ and walking with, even if not ‘in my environment’ at the moment, but always ‘there’ in the virtual world, which is something I am also very grateful for in times that may seem difficult and we need to reach out for support.

Ultimately what matters to me is to go establishing connections with the people that do care, that have eyes, ears and a body ready for the new living reality that we need to co-create, and this is something that ‘comes to the surface’ even from ‘unfortunate’ or bitter events like this one.

I share this because it is also a comforting point for me, to know that besides what may seem like ‘the worst of the words’ surfacing on our ‘daily feeds’ and knocking at our doors, there is something actually way extraordinary to be living for. For me it is a way to keep connecting and meeting people that are taking these steps ‘forward’ in their life, while it also reminds me of the necessity that I have to keep sharing, to not ‘back down’ and become a silent vigilant of the things that are going on in this world.

To sum up, as ‘atrocious’ as it may seem for many, these cans of worms are here for a reason and they sure may lead to temporary conflict and polarizations, but eventually out of all crisis there comes an opportunity for recreation, reinvention, and reconstruction – this is what I’m here for. To learn how to stand in the eye of the storms, to strengthen my resolve, to know that my truth will set me free, to be grateful for those that I can relate to and know that are also ‘here’ on track with the new path for life in this world of which I have vehemently decided to be a part of, because my intent has always been to ‘change the world,’ and from there I went from being ‘angry’ at the world for not changing and blaming everything and everyone around me – lol – to externalizing that eagerness to see ‘world changes out there’ to now internalizing, focusing on my own self-change which start in how to handle situations like this and then spreading some seeds again with others that may be ready to read and listen and share back how they see things themselves.

Once again I would not have this kind of resolve or ‘greater picture’ approach without the support of all things related to Desteni and the Eqafe Eqafe self-supportive material, which I have now integrated in my own skin as a new way to live and approach life. It also allows me to understand the greater ‘cataclysms’ that are taking place and ‘will’ most likely continue to take place in this world where everything will seem really ‘bad’ and consequential and chaotic, but here is where I remind myself and anyone else reading: there’s more to it than what meets the eye.

The best thing to do is to create Understanding, to not take things personal, to not only ‘react’ emotionally to things, to learn to discern, to learn to look back within ourselves and making an informed decision of where we stand about something before ‘spewing’ words about something or someone. To learn to let go and forgive people and situations where one can see that it’s only consequences playing out that one cannot immediately change and can only conciliate in the ‘best way’ that is doable in certain contexts.

What matters, as I said in my previous blog, is who we are in the face of conflict, in the face of admitting our faults, mistakes, falls, it is about learning to forgive ourselves and at times assisting others to do that for themselves if this is not yet considered as part of the solution, which is not limited to simply forgiving and letting go, but comes hand in hand with the commitment to change, to grow, to develop new ways of being now that one sees that the ‘previous ways’ were causing harm or detrimental effects on others. This is to me the real way to create peace, calm and conciliation.

This is our learning curve at the moment, it may seem out of hand, it may seem extreme, but again: owning one’s deeds, taking responsibility, learning to assume the co-creation roles we have in this reality and live the correction of the problematic actions will set us free and will benefit each other substantially. That’s real change, that’s real responsibility to me and that’s a supportive use of moments of conflict, problems and crisis, to be of support in those moments to walk through them the best way that we can, for ourselves and for all parties involved.

Thanks for reading

 

And! Happy new year! Enrich your life with signing up to the Unlimited Eqafe plan here: https://eqafe.com/unlimited_plan also available in Spanish Sonrisa

 

And once you’re in, you can access these awesome recordings from which I got the concept of shared responsibility here:

 

 

Can you be trusted with life

 

Videos by Sunette Spies for Self and Living:
Gossip and Personal Pains
From Judgment to Nonjudgment
From Judgment to Understanding

 

Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty


609. Courage in Self-Expression

 

I want to share about the ways in which I’ve been opening up to a new understanding of what ‘living’ is about and letting go of a stifling rigidity that I’ve kept within an idea of what I like, enjoy, the kind of person I, what I dislike, what I’m supposed to be and do and I’ve been seeing how limiting all of that has been when confronted with new people, new ways of living, behaving, talking, expressing in day to day living – and of course also related to arts and music.

Well, it’s no mystery that a lot of my life is influenced by fellow creative people, especially when they are the kind that represent a joyful expression which to me contains a pinch of innocence, they seem to be ‘boundless’ and without a care so to speak in terms of how other people might see them, perceive them – in essence being carefree in their expression, not holding themselves back with ‘second thoughts’ or ‘what others will think of them,’ and to me that’s quite a precious quality in ourselves as human beings.

I recently learned from an interesting explanation about The Jonah Complex and the Fear of Greatness how we fear being different, we fear truly expressing ourselves, we want to conform and ‘blend in’ because we fear ‘standing alone’ in our own ways of being, essentially daring to be unique and so start fearing ‘to exist’ which means to emerge, appear, stand out and this eventually creating a ‘fear of life’ or fear of living, where we don’t want to be our own creators, we don’t want to achieve our greatness – which I read more as in creating our living potential – because that would mean changing, that would mean standing outside of our comfort zone, that means doing the actual work it means to create our individuality and own our creation. Yep, that’s the paradoxical nature of ourselves as human beings in our own minds and can definitely prove that. 

I really enjoyed listening that explanation because throughout my life I’ve struggled in that polarity of realizing how much I could ‘stand out’ – which I’ve shared in a previous blog – yet because of caring too much about everyone’s feedback, I decided to step back, ‘cease to exist’ and seek for more ways to hide out, blend in, stand in the back/to not stand out, to remain limited and inevitably becoming and embodying that fear of truly standing out and being ‘me’ in whichever way I genuinely wanted and could be.  

I went through a phase of first rebelling against anything that I didn’t want to achieve based on what everyone else was doing, which still led me to a form of limitation and still defining myself based on ‘not doing what everyone else is doing’ – which is the whole antagonistic personality I’ve shared a lot about in this blog before. But, I hadn’t really stepped outside of the paradigm to genuinely ask myself: what do I want to live? What do I genuinely enjoy? What do I want to create regardless of the ‘kind of person’ I think I am supposed to be? Or the kind of topics of interest that I thought ‘I was supposed to ONLY be interested on’? And I noticed how I was slowly but surely caging myself into an idea of who I had to be, look like, dress like, care about, act like etc. even though I could see all those moments that would come up within me wanting to do something different, wanting to test out certain expressions that I would see in others and would only ‘judge them’ for daring to express something that I wanted to express deep inside myself.

One of these aspects in the sheer ability to enjoy life. I know, sounds as if I’m veering into a ‘self conceited’ topic, but I will step outside of my own projections and say nope, this is actually the one point that I had refrained myself to do in an almost religious manner – and hell, I am still getting out of my cocoon on this one! – which has nothing to do with going into extremes of ‘libertinage’ when it comes to associating enjoyment with ‘parting’ or all kinds of excesses that we usually associate ‘enjoyment’ to be about.

Nope, actually this enjoyment is more of a decision in the most simple of moments, it’s not something that will suddenly ‘take over myself’ either or come up as an energy that I have to build up into ‘enjoyment!’ – no, this that I’m talking about it is more like an opening, a decision to express, to ‘step outside of myself,’ in essence to decide to exist in moments where I knew I wanted to express myself in such ‘carefree’ ways – yet would allow my ‘idea of self’ to dictate the way I was supposed to behave and look like at the eyes of others and the rest of it. But in fact, I am discovering that I am the most content, happy and joyful with and within myself when I have zero thoughts about how someone/others might be ‘perceiving me’ and in that I’ve found the most enjoyable quietness where I can simply ‘be’. And no, this doesn’t mean sitting in a quiet place and meditating, nope and it doesn’t also come as quick and simple as just ‘letting go’ – it is also the result of all of these years of working with myself, understanding my judgments, patterns and limitations, so that I can now be more comfortable in living the words that I want to ‘be’ and make exist as myself.

A clear example of this is how I started to listen to a type of music that I never thought I would get to be quite fond of. I would randomly hear a live band in my home town and they play very upbeat and generally joyful/happy music called Klezmer. I started listening to them every now and then around town 2 years ago, and I remember standing there with my then partner and having the impulse to move my feet, my knees, to kind of dance to the beats of that music – yet, the ‘rigidity’ of my own personality would come out in ways of ‘oh no, that would not be ‘me’ liking this kind of happy, joyful music’ – yet slowly but surely, I kept creating an interest in listening to them playing it and would stand still while listening to it, yet inside myself started kind of dancing to the tunes and enjoying those moments.

Well, long story short, after many times of listening to them in my frequent trips walking downtown, it is only now that I’ve been able to move my feet and legs and head around when listening to them, and yep knowing that people are watching and sometimes ask me if I’m ‘with the band’ lol, but nope and no, I don’t put on a show either, haha! But it’s been mostly children thus far that I’ve seen moving their bodies to the sound of the music, because that’s mostly what that music is for! Yet most adults – including myself in the past – would focus on enjoying the music and maybe craving to move around or bob our heads yet we kept bound to ideas of ‘how we are supposed to be’ or ‘not knowing how to dance that kind of music’ or ‘what will others say if we start moving around? I actually enjoy standing there while the band is playing and looking at people’s facial reactions, some do move around a bit while they pass by and so I’ve made it a point to learn from those few and in between that have dared to dance along or move around, including the guys in the band which is something I also appreciate from creative people in general, being quite ‘gutsy’ – for a lack of a better word – to own their individuality, show their courage in their expression and share it in a carefree manner – and by ‘carefree’ I mean without judgment towards themselves and therefore without projected judgments coming from others.

No matter how much one walks through ‘judging oneself,’ I find that one has to find an actual way to work through it in a practical and physical manner. To me, making paintings is one, learning to own my creation no matter how it looks, no matter if I ‘like it’ or not, but see them all as part of a process to express myself, to actually live my potential and I’ve met some people in the past weeks that represent that genuine expression of enjoyment in who they are through their creative process. And in this I don’t mean that everyone has to look at artists as a source of inspiration, to me that’s just how it has usually been throughout my life. It can be any other person that in their field of expertise or interest are really good at doing something and seeing how much they enjoy doing so is a source of inspiration, because they represent that potential that we can develop for ourselves in our own ways and lives.

Many times I’ve wallowed within myself when comparing ‘me’ and ‘my creations’ to those of others, and it seems that generally this obnoxious sense of comparison is a constant judgment that I bring up to sabotage myself – therefore what do I know? I can only remind myself about the uniqueness and individuality that each individual represents, to stop seeing others as a point of measurement for my own life or creations, and always remember that there is no point in comparing or judging how I express, what I express and the ways in which I go developing such expressions, because that’s a unique process to me and myself only. And in that, I can nurture myself from the many examples that I’ve found in people’s expressions, doesn’t matter how ‘simple’ it might be, it can start with having the ‘guts’ to sing out in public or play music in the streets – anything that I would consider as something that I would probably enjoy doing yet would not ‘dare’ to do it, I can then learn to see what words these people represent that I am not living myself. And what comes up is having that courage to express myself.

Yesterday as I was listening to this band playing live, they had no fears to change places in instruments and play in front of everyone their own practice of learning a new instrument, and even if the songs didn’t come out ‘perfectly’, I definitely appreciated the fact that they had no qualms about it or keeping their ‘practice/learning process secret’ but simply did it out there in public. And also being genuine when it comes to not lying about ‘enjoying every single moment of playing,’ but being quite honest on how tiring it can be, yet at the same time being inspired by the expressions that this music brings out in people  – and kids specially – which is quite awesome to witness.

So, this kind of music and the way these guys have come to create their band is quite unique in the sense that many of them might have been professional musicians, but some others didn’t know how to play any instrument, yet they had the will and courage to learn and be part of the band, so they learned an instrument in order to be part of it. It has made me consider how many times we admire people like musicians or any other form of performers because they have gotten to do something that we have yearned to do, which is to express, create and stand out with it in the world, to dare to exist beyond one’s own 4 closed walls.

Where am I in this process of having the courage to express myself? Definitely in the beginning stages, even more so considering how much I had to shed this idea that I could not enjoy life or had to suffer or could not just ‘be happy’ because ‘the world is not a happy place,’ yet I see for myself how people daring to do this in their lives becomes a source of inspiration for everyone else to dare to do what each one of us actually wants to do, and actually do it! Have the courage to do it, dare to ‘stand out’, daring to be unique, daring to not follow the crowd – not from an antagonistic or rebellious way but based on understanding our capacity to live in a very unique way that in turn, may inspire others to do the same in their lives, and that’s who I want to be and what I want to be, to give that back to the world based on all that I’ve learned from many, many people that have inspired me in my life and that have assisted me – without them even knowing – in becoming who I am today.

So, part of what I’ve been looking at in terms of embracing myself, my looks, my physical feature as the totality of ‘me’ – which I have judged as ‘odd’ – I can embrace within that uniqueness that I decide to live as myself, and reminding myself every time that I start going into judgments about myself and projecting it towards others, I have to remind myself how present I can be when I am judgment-less, when moving my limbs a bit when listening to this music out in the public in downtown and each time that I dare to do it more often, it feels more liberating and I become the most quiet and joyful and not in an ‘overt’ manner, but in that genuine ‘hereness’ of expression, because I’m simply there with the music, moving with it and there’s no thoughts, no fears, no expectations… and it’s hard at times to have those moments in one’s day, but I found that this is one of my moments of enjoyment, to have that ‘me’ time if you will yet sharing it with others at the same time.

And! No pressure if there’s no ‘live band’ I can dance to, I’ve been also playing some music that invariably leads me to want to dance as well, which is another interesting thing based on how I had thought that ‘I don’t like dancing anymore’ but I just hadn’t found the kind of music that I genuinely and almost naturally want to move my body to, which has been a cool discovery for myself as well and letting go of ideas that I had to like a particular ‘kind of music’ to ‘dance to.’ Hell no, we are the only ones that create our limitations. So I am definitely in that phase of challenging my own expression-limitations, breaking them apart and in that discovering the little bits of self-enjoyment I had held myself back from for such a looong time.

So for anyone out there, I can only suggest to have a look at where or in what/who do you find inspiration to self-express, what it means to embrace your creative self and I am not implying this is only an ‘art creation’ thing, nope – every human being is a creator, so in that we all are creating every single moment – most of the times without awareness! – therefore, if we become self-aware creators and in that determine the ways that we want to live every moment, the ways that we want to challenge our boundaries, our personalities, our fears, we will slowly but surely go realizing the potential that has always ‘been here’ as ourselves, just covered up with our fears, memories, excuses, reasons, justifications and preferences that have limited ourselves from getting to know ourselves and enjoy ourselves in the process.

Ok that’s it! Have fun

Here I share some of the music including this live band that I am speaking of here, which I actually got to record because I’ve become friends with the band J

Colectivo Klezmorino – Festival Rodarte

 

And! a taste of the other band I’ve been enjoying to move around to

DakhaBrakha: NPR Music Tiny Desk Concert

 

 

And this painting I made within the starting point of expressing me, having fun, while being inspired by the music represented in the image of the band itself Sonrisa 

 

Klezmorinos

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


574. Embracing Maturity

Or deciding to accept the fruits of self-work as a consistent self-created quality in me

 

In the recent weeks I was able to notice some petty things that I still would ‘get me out of my center’ so to speak, where something as simple as rolling my eyes about a certain comment or situation that I would physically – by rolling eyes – judge as either ‘bothering’ or ‘too obvious already’ or in a moment of being shown my limitations became a playful moment where in seeing myself through another’s eyes, I became aware of this pattern that I’ve been living as a form of reminiscence of the ‘teenage me’ that is represented by having to ‘oppose’ something, being antagonistic or judgmental of things that aren’t standing in alignment with a particular personality I am embodying in a moment. Sounds a bit complex so, an example: if someone is bringing up a subject in me that I have created a strong opinion on, and that other person expresses something that goes ‘against that belief’ I have on it, then rolling my eyes would be a way to kind of say ‘ah well I disagree/that’s you not me/yeah whatever’ and in that moment I am not really being the considerate and understanding me, but I am instantly putting on this ‘suit’ of personality where I have limited myself quite a bit in a particular ‘way of thinking,’ which I was able to see with more clarity recently.

Another point is where I am of course at a point in life where time passes by and I am no longer the ’21 year old’ that was sharing her turmoil in life and all the rocky ups and downs of my experience – not to judge here an age though, but in my case it’s been 9 years and naturally things have progressed since then – which I realize I don’t have to ‘stick to’ as a way to feel that I’m still not ‘self-aware’ enough or that I still have some ‘personality traits’ to process, when I know that it simply requires me to let go of those limitations as habits and step into the potential of myself, which is devoid of such ‘inner troubles.’

Something else that apparently was ‘opposed’ to living maturity is ‘childish’ expression that I have at times judged or denied, but at the same time I’ve used it as a way to not give that ‘next step’ in my life, which opened up with looking at the word Maturity and embracing it in me, which is definitely ‘here’ in the way that I experience myself and in how I’m now seeing me, my life and my way forward in life.

Throughout this whole process with Desteni, I’ve been very much aware of all of the personalities that I had built as ‘myself’ and worked through them for the most part, though with that comes responsibility as well, a ‘next step’ in self-growth that will surely come with changes in life, making more self-aware decisions and in essence taking my life more seriously than before, which is where this ‘teenage me’ wanted to remain as, where I could still have some ‘leeway’ to not be entirely embodying a word such as maturity, because in a way I consider we all fear fully embodying that responsibility, fully stepping into the ‘creator’-suit and live the authority it implies which comes with full responsibility as well.

How I see it is that in this idea of being a ‘teenager’ or someone that is ‘not ready yet’ or ‘not ripe yet’, we create a comfort zone to – excuse the words – but fuck around with our potential, where we still want to remain like ‘children’ in a way where we don’t have to fully take our whole lives into our hands, and remain with a veil of conflict, of ‘not knowing,’ of ‘uncertainty,’ of ‘hardship’ and ‘foolishness’ but not the expressive one, but more like the denial of one’s capability to fully grow, expand, be ‘ripe’ and so mature as a result of what one has walked, worked and understood through something like this process of self-awareness and self-change as I’ve done with Desteni and the Desteni tools.

It is funny how I had many times projected this ‘teenage experience’ onto ‘humanity out there’ without fully taking the point back to myself to see how and in what ways I was still living this same ‘fear’ of ‘growing up’ to actually be the best that I know I can in every moment of my life and own my creation.

Interestingly enough, as much as I know I can fully take that position of living Maturity, there is a slight noise in the back of my head that would want to remain in this ‘lesser’ version of me, which is absolutely ludicrous, but that’s how we’ve conditioned ourselves to never fully step into the creative authority we can in fact live by, but still have this ‘leeway,’ this ‘gray area’ to remain ‘in the process’ eternally, to apparently ‘never be ready’ or never be fully ‘ripe’ to live to our fullest capacity, and that’s nothing else but self-manipulation coming in the ways of resistance and fears.

Now, some of the things I had to dispel from the word maturity is the idea that I would have to become ‘rigid’ or ‘stoic’ or ‘serious’ and stop being playful, foolish and fun – lol, it’s actually the other way around in fact, where this whole idea of me having to be serious, rigid, stoic, show ‘no emotion’ and be essentially this ‘poster idea of virtue’ is definitely only a personality that I did live out for most of my life in various ways, in various circles of people and I’m definitely ready to let go of those ideas that I created and so projected back at me as ‘who I am,’ and instead embrace myself, the expression that I see is most congruent with where I currently am in my life and being able to trust myself that whatever I decide to do, is my responsibility, I am aware of my capabilities, skills, my decisions, my weaknesses and strengths as I continue discovering more and more about myself, which is truly a fascinating process to me, even more so when I decide to make a significant change in my life that assists me in stepping out of old-age patterns, like the ones I’ve been describing in previous blogs about morality and this notion of ‘being an example for others’ in a form of personality or ego that became a limitation for me.

So, along with this maturity comes the ability to trust myself to express playfulness, to not let go of that expression that can be very childlike in me yet, this does not mean I cannot embrace this maturity at the same time, because I am the only one that has created such limitations of ‘what I can or should be’ and what I am apparently ‘not able to live yet.’

It’s really about deciding to live and embody words and some words like maturity to me are more of an outcome, a result, a consequence of various years now of self-work and giving me the right to recognize it as myself, the fruit of my work so to speak and stand as it without ego, without pretense or vainglory – but simply as the expression that I see is here as myself, yet I had in a way diminished or ‘covered it up’ to not fully embrace the responsibility that comes with it  – but! I’m definitely ready as I see the liberation and unleashing potential that comes with it.

To me this signifies my ability to choose letting go of ‘pettiness’ when it comes to these little ‘bothers’ that I’ve made a big deal in my life out of thinking that ‘I should still be ‘bothered’ by something’ or that ‘I cannot fully change something’, but, lol, who decides? I do! and I saw how these little ‘botherings’ are connected to personality suits to remain ‘limited’ and ‘diminished’ which makes no sense at all, because when stopping those I could see the mature, confident me that can still ‘roll eyes’ but do so in a playful manner and in awareness, as an expression, no more as an automated reaction based on an actual personality being triggered or accessed in a moment, and that’s what I want to be, someone that is ‘limitless’ in expression yet knowing every step of the way that ‘who I am’ in such expressions is truly me, in the moment – instead of acting out of mind-patterns and limitations, fears, judgments that I know I can let go of now, I just hadn’t made that full decision to do so yet, which is what I am actively working on currently.

All of this is also part of integrating that concept of ‘creative authority’ and what it means, which to me is like stepping into one’s optimum state and position in life where we can be the best for ourselves and so best for others as a by product of living ‘me’ to the fullest. And when I write this, memories of who I’ve been in the past come up whenever I denied taking that ‘leading role’ or whenever I feared being in the ‘center of the stage’ so to speak in taking a greater responsibility because of not wanting to fully assume my responsibility in it – and only now do I realize that that’s where real fulfillment exists in me, where I satisfy my capacity, where I ‘use’ what I am, the matter I am as life, to the best of my ability.

I also then assist myself in embracing this ‘result’ of self-work in my life, not in an egotistical manner seeking others’ praise and recognition –or as a form of superiority – but entirely accepting it, embracing it as who I am, as a result of something I’ve been putting effort and work on in my life, which makes absolute sense to get to a certain stage of ‘maturity’ in something, a phase of expertise, of gathering more confidence in being effective in something after putting the time and effort into it, instead of believing that I will always remain ‘flawed’ and ‘on the way’ and ‘in process’ of getting to a basic self-stability and fulfillment.

Now, this does not mean I am ‘done’ in any way with any self-creative process, not at all. I consider this that we call ‘the process’ is really a continual thing for the rest of our existence – not even limited to ‘this lifetime’ – so I am not speaking in those terms, but certainly acknowledging the phases that I can in self-honesty assess I’ve walked through, which then opens up the way for what’s next, which is an expansion, growth, more challenges and a ton more to discover, change, learn and fine tune about myself, while also acknowledging these ‘milestones’ in deciding, assessing and recognizing when we are ‘ripe’ within ourselves. Maybe I have been so for some time, but I had not dared to declare it, accept it or embrace it, so this is me placing this word in front of my eyes to embrace it and continue exploring the ways in which I can live it out as who I am and who I want to live and express as myself.

Here I share a supportive couple of audios from Eqafe.com that assisted me to realize this ‘authority’ that we essentially have to give to ourselves. I fully recommend them in order to decide to take that ‘next step’ in self-creation and self-change:

 

Thanks for reading.

 

IMG_6845

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


566. Back on (the) track

Or how to decide to live a word in the small moments of our day and actually live it

Today I made a decision to ‘get back on track’ and ‘on the track’ literally speaking after ‘taking some time off’ of my usual routine during the past weeks and I found it’s sometimes a bit difficult getting ‘back on track’ after not following ‘the usual routine’. There is such a thing as ‘inertia’ where we can be naturally waking up and doing our usual stuff without a hassle, which comes as a process of walking discipline, consistency and perseverance in my case – but then after breaking the regular schedule for some time, it does require me to ‘stir the wheel’ again in the desired direction and give myself ‘the order’ to do certain things again.

Well, it all started yesterday actually where I decided to take on a little project to do some artwork for something that I never thought I would see myself doing, artwork for a kid’s story and it was fun! I realized how ‘driven’ I can be when I have ‘something to do’ as a little project, which means that I can then approach other things to do in ‘projects’ so that I can approach them in a similar manner and so use my time effectively and efficiently.

I also noticed how much I can be ‘on a roll’ and kind of procrastinate doing basic stuff like going to pee for example, so this time I had to deliberately ‘make a pause’ and take some time off for that, which is where I have to bring in common sense and physicality to not get ‘too lost’ into the ‘driven’ inertia and forget about myself, which is an interesting pattern I’ve noticed more about myself.

I’ve also decided to give that time ‘off’ for myself which I’ve usually done on a daily basis through going for a walk, but also to give myself a ‘treat’ if possible or do something different – like taking the time to do this art project for a kids story – but also taking some time ‘off’ for an hour to ‘disconnect’ from what I am doing, this is usually in the form of going out and come back to what I was doing, and yes I noticed how I could have gone ‘on and on’ with this little project, but I also set a limit in terms of having to sleep, have dinner and so forth – even deciding to watch a movie while doing the drawings which was also an ‘out of character’ thing for me to do, but managed to do it.

I’ve mostly been somewhat ‘driven’ my whole life and as much as this can be seen as a very ‘cool’ attribute, when it becomes a form of immovable duty and coming with a strong sense of ‘I am what I do’ it becomes something that’s more ‘for something/someone’ rather than for myself, which is something I’ll continue exploring as well. At the same time, I’ve also found that I can create a balance in how I use my time and learning to ‘take time off’ and genuinely ‘disconnect’ from certain things in our day to day routine and before I would be quite reluctant to do this and I frankly still can’t watch something and not do ‘something’ at the same time, but I’ll get there – unless I go to the movies where I have nothing else to do but sit and watch lol.

I share this because I consider many people might have the same personality/character trait, this ‘duty calls’ type of personality that at times overrides this ‘me-time’ consideration and I’m quite grateful for the past weeks that have allowed me to place things into perspective in many aspects of my current life which I’ll be sharing here as I go opening them up.

But! Back to today. So I woke up at the usual early time and I noticed that this ‘inertia’ of maybe just going back to sleep was starting to emerge in me, so I reminded myself of my own suggestion of the ‘breath-wake-up’ which is inhaling to get up from bed and exhaling while getting out of it, all in one breath and bam, one is awake. But I noticed that I required to give myself a direction this time, not a ‘reason’ or ‘purpose’ though, but rather more like what I could live in that insta-moment of waking up, and what came up in me as this ‘word to live’ was ‘Will’ and I said to myself ‘I will myself to wake up’ and actually do it, the ‘I Matter’ recording that was released recently can give an awesome perspective on this, which simplifies and clarifies a lot of what we can do to make each ‘little moment’ count in our lives and to me this was ‘the moment’ that also set the tonality for the rest of the day.

Such a simple moment of self-direction made a difference to this creeping ‘comfy’ idea of ‘possibly maybe just starting to jog again tomorrow’ and diving into the comfort zone of ‘doing it tomorrow instead’, but! through simply saying these words and actually doing what I just said I would do which is to ‘will myself’ and do what I had planned to do since yesterday, I was able to start the day as usual and get back on track with my routine which I also enjoy.

Going for a jog after some 2 weeks of not actively doing so is definitely at times a bit awkward, but with time and consistency over these past 2 years, my body gets adjusted more rapidly to it and I’ve noticed how I definitely enjoy having this ‘me-time’ point in the mornings of doing something not only for my ‘mental enjoyment’ but physical support and enjoyment. I came back and did some freestyle moves with some music which felt really nice in the whole body, like every cell taking a nice breath and yep, that was cool.

I got to finish the project that I was working on and was satisfied with the outcome of it, which again is not something I would have ‘personally chosen to do’ before as in ‘the usual marlen’ persona that would not see herself as ‘suitable for kids’ but! I challenged that with the help of my friends that gave me the opportunity and encouragement to do it, which I am quite happy about now because it’s another way for me to continue practicing my art skills and expand into new territories J

I’ll be sharing more as I go in redefining some words and learning to live them as myself, my relationship to the notion of ‘being an example’ and how I had twisted that phrase a bit in my life and other interesting words that I would not have been able to see for myself without taking this ‘time off,’ which I would also recommend doing especially for those that ‘like me’ have a particular strong sense of ‘duty’ or ‘workaholism’ that in essence it’s not so much of a ‘noble feat’ but also a way for us to hide behind a comfort zone of ‘responsibilities’ and ‘work’ and the rest of it, so! I challenge thou if you can relate to that particular pattern, because I know how it may seem like ‘I am missing out on my duty omg!’ but, from time to time it is refreshing and assists oneself in having a second look at one’s life and come ‘back’ revitalized and with a clearer head to move forward.

An awesome Eqafe recording I suggest checking out to get some clarity on this subject of ‘taking some time off’ is the following one Wanting to Get Away From it All – Quantum Systemization – Part 155, which I recommend for those that are ‘similar’ to what I’ve described in this blog.

Thanks for reading

 

Artwork018

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


549. Being Physical

Or how to embrace the potential of who we are in our physical body through stopping the participation in our mind’s noise

Continuing from 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

This is the last word that I listed in the blog cited above wherein I started looking at all of the words I had separated myself from and instead approach them seeing ‘who I am’ in relation to all of these words. So far I’ve seen where I have lived words mostly through energy/through the mind or personality systems and instead learning how to substantiate myself with a redefined version of the word, sometimes I’ve been opening up aspects of a word I haven’t lived yet, sometimes realizing how I have in fact been living those words, just not in the energy-based type of experience I perceived that other person to be living out, some other times fine-tuning the meaning of the words in relation to self-support. Overall it has been an enjoyable process of self-discovery and this last word is definitely a key one for me as well.

 

I’ve seen throughout my life as a woman how there has been this tendency to look at males as a source and embodiment of physical stability, being grounded, being solid and structural that I, defined as a woman, perceive myself to lack, wherein I can many times feel that my expression makes me wobbly and that I might be experiencing ‘waves’ within myself while a male seems to be very solid, at peace, quiet and ‘whole’ in their physical bodies. Now this is also not ‘every male’ to be honest, but some males I’ve seen wherein this is something that I can perceive it in how they act, speak, direct and exist from a moment to moment.

 

However, here I have to remind myself how all of this that I am describing is in fact coming from me and my own experiences in relation to this perception of someone ‘being physical,’ because! What I’ve also discovered through actually getting to know males specifically – I’ve seen how this can be more of a portrayal of a controlled-expression founded in suppression, wherein any form of ‘expressiveness’ is linked to ‘being feminine’ therefore ‘weak’ and therefore culturally being associated with a ‘lesser’ experience which is the kind of gender-based crap – sorry for the word but it is what it is – that we’ve collectively accepted and allowed, starting with my perception that it is only males that can be fully physical, structural, grounded and that I as a woman cannot ever  become that.

 

Sure, there are structural and multiple-dimensions to a man and a woman that of course create such distinction based on being one or the other – these I cannot change nor ‘rewire’ myself to ‘be like a man’ because that’s not the point here, but I’m looking at how I can integrate the ability to be physical and debunk that perception of stability, being ‘rock solid’ that many times is only a show for others while in fact, in the inside, one can be very anxious or fearful or experiencing anger that creates such ‘solidity’ more coming through as a tension in itself, etc. So, here it is about not validating appearances or how I can ‘present’ myself towards others, but instead how I can take the word and make it a reality, a substantiation process for me.

 

Being in the physical/being physical is something one hears a lot in this Desteni process where it is about learning to see the relationship that our mind-states have to our physical-bodies and the effect it has upon our body. Therefore part of this process is learning to change the way that we participate in our minds, to be directive in it and stopping the participation in energetic reactions that lead oneself to go into any high or low experience in our bodies.

 

This is definitely something that I can say to a certain extent I’ve been able to work with, which doesn’t mean that experiences don’t come up at all anymore – they absolutely do, and I have been quite aware of how I can ‘layer’ an energetic imprint into my body over repetition, meaning repeating the same fears or emotions in relation to something or someone over time to the point that they get triggered by a simple thought I may have related to that something or someone I’ve attached all of these fears or reactions to, and voilà, there one has a seemingly overwhelming experience that I have created all the way through my own participation in it.

 

This is an empowering realization as well because I am no longer perceiving that these energetic experiences swirling in my solar plexus area are just coming by themselves or get triggered out of ‘nowhere,’ nope, we are the creators of it all the way and fortunately here we have the tools and ways to walk through these reactions in order to embrace our physicality which to me means being in the physical body, breathing, not participating in useless thoughts that lead to fears, reactions, expectations, judgments, opinions, and the rest of things that create a separation towards reality, which then causes us to live more ‘in our minds’ than actually embracing and existing as the physicality of our body, standing equal to everyone and everything in our reality. This is much easier said than done of course.

 

As one gets more in depth into one’s awareness, one can get to see how much we are in fact constantly assessing, judging, constantly having an opinion, a preference about something or someone, how many fears we might be participating on in an underlying manner, how many of our actions are motivated by fears or desires, how much we are constantly living in the past or the future – and the list goes on.

 

So, I am aware of how this might seem overwhelming at first, but the reality here is that we have the actual choice and ability to decide to continue living as these ‘broken records’ with all of those experiences being detonated within ourselves over and over again or, we decide to learn how to stop participation in them through understanding the root and cause of our experiences, which is in essence one of the foundations of walking this Desteni Process and something I’ve been practicing for nine years now, resulting in a great point of self-support for me to the extent that I sometimes get to forget how anxious, how fearful, how insecure or how ‘all over the place’ I once was, and this is also more easily said than done, because it does take dedication, diligence, patience, practice and perseverance to get to a point of physical stability as well, though it is of course completely worth it.

 

So that’s the point for me to look at here, physical stability which interestingly enough I can link it to being at peace within myself which comes through a process of ‘sorting out’ and creating solutions to whatever I am experiencing – therefore being physical, being grounded, being rooted, being anchored, being clear-headed when moving in my reality, when making decisions, when interacting with others becomes a reality.

 

Interestingly enough I’ve been able to improve my ability to ground myself back into the physical in relation to emotions, considering that was one of the ‘biggie’ points in my reality, though I consider I haven’t been as diligent in terms of grounding myself whenever I see that I am ‘elevating’ myself or getting ‘high’ in a particular perceived ‘good’ or positive experience, which interestingly enough I also refrained myself from even opening up because I had considered I didn’t have many of those or was ‘ok’ around that kind of situations. But lately I’ve seen how I can get carried away in moments where I perceive there’s an opening of expression with others and that’s where I’ve usually gone into the comparison – specially with some males – about this whole ‘me the wobbly expressive one’ vs. the sturdy ‘physical’ male, at least as an initial perception.

 

Here I’d like to focus on being physical and rooting myself whenever I am getting ‘carried away’ in a point of interaction with others and suddenly ‘lose my footing’ which involves getting into an energetic high of sorts, that may come through something as talking too much, being louder, laughing a lot and starting to get a jittery sensation in my body. I’ve explained how any energetic experience is not cool for my body, it’s ‘icky’ and sometimes headaches ensue or any other physical discomfort due to the load of ‘stimulation’ I create for myself, so here I’ll walk some self-supportive self-forgiveness to ground these points for myself.

 

I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in comparison towards males that I have perceived as solid, stable, peaceful, mild-mannered or ‘refined’ even in their behavior wherein I have seen myself being ‘in awe’ towards such expression, perceiving that I cannot be like that because I tend to be more ‘bubbly’ and so feel ‘wobbly’ within myself, which is an energetic experience in me, therefore I realize that in order to be physical, I have to ground myself back to my body whenever I am first reacting to and comparing myself to males specifically that I’ve defined as ‘peaceful, solid, stable’ and ‘physical’ wherein I’ve created a sense of inferiority towards that which I see only exists as an idea, belief and gender-based experience I’ve separated myself from, because I’ve seen for myself how I can in fact be more stable, grounded, solid and peaceful once that I stop participating in any form of judgment, reaction, opinion, expectation, comparison or belief about myself or about others that invariably leads to a polarity-experience within me towards others, which is the actual cause and source of me going into this ‘high’ or instability.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live equality towards males that I’ve defined as rock solid, physical, stable,  grounded at least from how I perceive them and instead have gone into an inferiority – or in-fear-iority towards them – instead of realizing that I can integrate those words to be lived by myself when in the presence of people that I may perceive as solid, peaceful, stable and physical and being males specifically wherein instead of going into the ‘inferiority’ or perceiving a ‘lack’ within me in relation to how they express themselves, I can remind myself I can live the word physicality as a focus on breathing, on seeing the other person as an equal, on realizing that whatever idea, belief or perception I might create about them being ‘more’ than me exists only as a belief and perception in my mind. It’s not at all about ‘them’ even, but how I’ve programmed myself to react to these words and expressions in separation of myself, therefore

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the words physicality, solidity, stability, grounded and peaceful within me in all contexts, specifically when being interacting/ face to face with people or males that I can perceive as rock solid, immovable, ‘untouchable’ even and perceiving such state of being is ‘unreachable’ for me, instead of seeing that it is actually very much existent already here within and as myself, as my physical body in every moment of breath that I decide to take on and be aware of, and stop participating in whatever idea, belief or perception I may create towards others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from the experience I’ve seen in cats and perceiving myself more as the playful dog in awe of the stoic cat – lol – where I have also defined my enjoyment and appreciation for cats based on their firm, slow, quiet, stable, precise expression that I’ve also seen as very much being ‘independent’ and all of these being words that I’ve believed I can’t ‘live’ for and as myself, but instead would usually be drawn to or be attracted to people that I perceived to be this way – where I also have to remind myself to not trust my perceptions or what I may ‘pick up’ in another’s expression, because all of it is coming from myself, my frames of reference, my experiences, my perceptions and in no way does this imply that there is a reality to it – because I cannot really be in someone else’s shoes other than through getting to know them and communicate with another to see who they really are behind their presentation and façade and what they are in fact experiencing.

 

Therefore I can only focus on myself and living this word as an expression of me wherein I don’t go making assumptions about others or focusing on others’ experiences and then compare who I am in relation to them, but where I can look at practically practicing being physical in moments where I am tending to go into a comparison of being ‘more or less than’ another in a moment, or where I get nervous in the presence of another seemingly being very stable, at ease and peace with themselves and perceiving that I am ‘at loss’ or ‘in fear’ of that, which creates the unsettling nervousness towards another,

Instead I can remind myself that I can live that solidity, that consistency, that stability and grounded expression whenever I allow myself to take one step back in those moments and simply not jump into the ‘train of thought’ but remain grounded, breathing and learn to observe, to hear another’s words, to slow down within myself so that I can in fact stand equal to my body and therefore as everyone else’s physicality that can be present or around me in a particular moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief and experience of feeling unnerved when being in the presence of particular males that I’ve defined as stable, solid, grounded and ‘earthed’ ultimately, believing that they are in control in themselves – and I am not – lol which is in fact an interesting thing to do because if I focus entirely on myself, usually who I am before seeing ‘the other person’ as a trigger point I can be quite calm, stable, solid within me and it’s only upon me participating in an assessment of another person and judging them as ‘superior’ due to appearing grounded, physical, stable and at peace within themselves, that I get into an unnerving experience, I start feeling ‘weak’ and clumsy or extra-expressive at times and this is mostly a reaction, again referencing the playful barking all-over-the-place dog that is jumping around the stoic cat that doesn’t seem to flinch at the dog’s expression. 

 

This is all of course still my perception of the cat being ‘less expressive’ or something like that, I cannot really know what their actual experience is, but I take the visual reference for me to realize I can also practice slowing down within me by not going into an ‘assessment’ of the other person or participating in judgments of how I ‘perceive’ them, but instead focus on myself, not on others, on being stable, grounded, calm, at peace within me when interacting with others, and stopping my judgments towards them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself being ‘at loss’ upon facing and interacting with someone that seems stable, physical, present, calm, at peace within themselves to me, which I can simply use as a reminder to precisely take those words back to myself, to live them in equality – not based on ego, not based on ‘suppressing’ myself or putting up a ‘superior’ front anymore – but based on my ability to breathe through the swelling of energies, to be able to stabilize through becoming aware of the totality of my physical body and so focusing on myself and others at a physical level, who we are as equal beings, who we are in our words, stopping the usual ‘reaction’ within me of ‘compensating’ my perception of being unable to be ‘grounded and stable’ by becoming overtly expressive and instead allow me to be observant, to be calm, to slow down within myself, to focus on my breathing to remind myself of the physicality I also am and take things easily.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to separate myself from the word ‘physicality’ or ‘being physical’ as in being stable, grounded, consistent and defining it as something ‘superior’ to myself, which is only me as the mind perceiving that such words are ‘unreachable’ for me – when in reality they are here already existent in potential within me, I simply have to stop focusing on the ‘superior and inferior’ assessments and focus on the physicality of myself and others in any given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still unconsciously allow the experience of myself being defined by gender – as in being a woman – and bring through experiences linked to perceiving a male as ‘superior’ to me, wherein I then separate myself from our living-equality and tap into the design, the programming and gender-based roles that we’ve lived for our entire human history.

 

I realize that this is indeed a set of patterns that have been ingrained beyond my awareness, however now that I am aware of it and I understand where this ‘inequality’ between genders comes from, I can assist myself to integrate and embody the words that I had perceived only ‘males’ could live in a natural manner for themselves – such as physicality, stability, grounded, structural, being at peace which are all words I can integrate and live as myself as well, which in turn will assist me in diffusing this gender-based perception I’ve lived out throughout my entire life without having questioned it to this level and specificity before, due to believing that ‘it’s just how things are set-up’ and not going any further than that.

 

Now I realize it’s entirely up to us to see what we accept and allow as limitations, as self-definitions and any other form of polarity that a difference in our physical bodies as human beings – being males and females – has contributed to create within ourselves, while in fact I realize I can live those aspects that I’ve seen mostly in males and integrate them within myself at a being level, beyond being a human physical body defined by a gender – without me falling into the trap of wanting to ‘be like a man’ – it’s not the point either – it’s about being a woman that is no longer separate from the potentials and capabilities of men and women to integrate into my life if I see them as supportive aspects or words to embody and live in my life.

 

For now this is the point I’ll focus on and what’s coming up for me in relation to physicality, but this is by no means the only extent of this word that I’ll be looking at, considering how this is only one aspect, one layer I’m focusing on changing or fine tuning within me, but this word ultimately relates to this whole process from consciousness to life in self-awareness, to living life in the physical, to birthing life in the physical and as one can see it is not as easy as simply ‘stating it,’ but one has to actually go through the ‘deprogramming’ and ‘reprogramming/rewiring’ process through living words and creating new sets of acceptances and allowances to live words that are supportive, that we can develop ourselves further with and in turn this becomes a way to expand in our lives, as life, and continue working on it until it is done.

 

Check out the series Quantum Mind Self Awareness to learn more about the interrelationship of our minds with our physical body

 

Thanks for reading

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


548. Being Dedicated

Or how to redefine the starting point for living the word dedication having self as the starting point

§ Continuing from 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

I looked at this word and found how I have lived dedication in several ways in my life, but a common factor is that all of those things wherein I’ve been most dedicated have been related to doing tasks or activities where there starting point was more about doing it ‘for others’ or to ‘benefit others’ only, and this is a common tendency I’ve seen in people like myself where we tend to shift our focus and attention towards ‘changing the world out there’ or ‘assisting others’ but in all of that, ending up missing out on ourselves, on being the starting point and principle of all living words and being dedicated for ourselves, as ourselves, as the very life that is in us and that exists in equality in everyone else.

 

An example is how I outlined this word from that blog I wrote on ‘attraction’ and finding words that I could see this person living for himself was – from my perception – living personal dedication wherein he became a sort of ‘expert’ in his creative field even when having a regular 8 hour a day job ‘in the system’ for decades, doing something that didn’t at all relate to his creative side so to speak. He still lived the same dedication to his art, his field of expertise and create himself from that, which has made him a sort of ‘wise man’ from my perspective based on his consistency and diligence to keep himself functional in the system, yet when it comes to his personal creativity, standing very much on his own ‘way’ which is quite a rebellious one to say the least in the context of what he does as art, but here I’m not even focusing on ‘him’ or ‘his art’ but more like the balance this person could create in terms of dedication.  

 

I’ve also been watching some series about designers and I’ve seen how creative people in general have always been a source of inspiration for me. I can be a person that whenever I am hitting a ‘blank’ in some way, I can watch an interview or documentary about a creative person in arts/music and be able to draw these words and aspects that they were able to live through in their lives to get to be who they ‘got to be’ as in being masters in their craft and art, which usually leaves a good set of learning-experiences from these people where surely they weren’t ‘perfect beings,’ but in the spirit of ‘investigating all things and keep what’s good’ – one can always find something very cool to learn from these visionaries, creators, designers, artists which are sort of the people I gravitate towards, but hey it’s not really limited to that, I’ve also found I can learn from any human being when getting to know their story and what they have managed to learn or overcome to live their life.

 

Seeing other people be dedicated about doing something ‘for themselves’ mirrored back to myself as a potential that I had given up for some years – and still in the process of creating my footing around it – wherein I ‘felt’ I truncated a career for me for some years because of focusing/dedicating myself only on this process in itself and perceiving I could not expand further from that or actually continue ‘creating’ something for myself, something that is entirely for me and existing as my expression – and not only related to say the ‘theory’ and support structure behind this process – but doing something that can stand as the reflection, the outcome, the result of this very personal process expressed into a point of creation that can possibly stand through the test of time as something that expresses/reveals me and can stand as a point of living-testimony of this process at the same time, so both points in one so to speak: self-creation and the living of this process in one.

 

This point of creation is not only about the creation of a project, a set of works I’d like to do, but it includes my own life where I’ve seen that I have to now shift my dedication to self-dedication as well and balance out that self-commitment not for ‘the process’ in itself and the dedication I’ve created to set this foundation for myself within it, but it does feel  – and I’ve been ‘feeling’ this for quite some time now – that it’s time to settle all of this towards the next step, which to me is also very much linked to dedication and the didactics within it – which from my perspective can only be a true-sharing and process of ‘teaching’ if one has also done the process and walked it for oneself.

 

Along with dedication I also see the words focus and perseverance, because that ‘trinity’ of words is exactly what I require to not give up on very personal projects I’d like to develop for me and my life and at the same time, be able to create an equilibrium in what I’ve mostly been doing for now as the core and movement of this process in itself for the benefit of many more.  

 

Therefore I can source from my own example in this word wherein I can see and recognize I have been quite diligent, dedicated and consistent with responsibilities that I’ve taken on ‘towards others’ or what I’ve defined as a ‘greater purpose’ – for a lack of a better way to explain it – meaning, projects that do not only involve ‘me’ as my own starting point and end of creation, but have mostly been dedicated when it is meant or geared towards a common benefit.

 

Why has this been so? I have been that kind of people that would also perceive that having a greater purpose would imply giving up personal projects, where I had in a defined or invested myself towards my own self-interest. Arts is one of those, but lately I’ve been realizing the sabotage I created within myself around it where I’ve seen how it really isn’t even about ‘arts’, but how I had created a relationship to arts that instead of redefining it from a starting point of self-interest towards one of self-support and having a career that I can live from, I neglected it by considering I could not resolve my relationship ‘towards art’ and that I should just give it up.

 

Though I also recognize that when I was formally having my time in art school, I was equally dedicated to both points, Desteni as in taking the time, discipline, effort and application invested on all of the vast material, references, interactions, courses and participation that I truly see it as a ‘second simultaneous career’ of sorts while also being dedicated to university and not just doing it ‘half-assed’ but fully knowing that this is what I wanted to create and be for myself, that I was going to give my best as my creation.

 

From applying discipline in arts creation, I’ve learned a lot from the discipline, detail, focus and consistency that it takes to create something in ‘old fashioned’ art ways, which seemed like quite a challenge at the beginning of my career where I was more into doing ‘fast art’ type of things, and I ended up challenging myself by taking one of the most rigorous and precise methods of image creation, such as print making learned through apprenticeship in methods that are a couple of centuries old. In essence I pushed some boundaries but I do consider I fell short in this, and I can still pull it through to something that I can genuinely stand as the creator of it myself.

 

This time I want to direct the word dedication to do what I can create for and as myself, for the first time without expecting or needing a ‘reference’ for me to keep going or to stop sabotaging me from continuing with a project based on the perception that this is ‘self-interest’ or ‘no one else is benefitting from this that I do.’

 

Here I have to instead remind myself that being a creator is about who we are within anything and everything that we do – no matter if it is building up a business from scratch, opening up a new field of knowledge and information that is supportive for humanity, being a visual artist, a writer, a set of parents that truly see themselves and their children as their ultimate works of art and live according to that, a person that can step up from very difficult living conditions and create a way through in life, people that overcome the worst kind of outcomes or consequences in their lives and find the strength to reinvent themselves and succeed in what they do…

 

Well, in essence I could expand the list to many examples, and that is also a good indication of how through this process one learns to see the potential, the process of ‘overcoming’ difficulties, but also the kind of self-mastery that emerges with living words like dedication, consistency, perseverance and focus to be someone that can understand the level of capacity and responsibility we have as creators, because that’s ultimately what our lives are really about from my perspective and current understanding: seeing directly through our thoughts, words and deeds who we are as creator, created and creation and live in/as our own creation, which yes can go both ways of completely acknowledging and using our creative abilities for the best of our potential or completely ignoring it all and diminishing or squandering our opportunity to genuinely live.

 

I definitely want to embody the word dedication not only towards something I can do ‘for others’ but also in my own life because that’s where I am aware I have been ‘slacking’ and lacking-me in essence to be and do something for myself, as myself, besides formal ‘process work’ and that’s also why one can get to feel ‘frustrated’ or in a ‘halt’ of sorts if one stops seeing oneself as a creator not only in a direction of ‘providing support’ but to first and foremost support oneself, create oneself and get to tap into the enjoyment and satisfaction of living that in a particular activity, field, line of work or projects where we can also expand, learn from and grow into, without in my case having to fall into the absolutism of only doing ‘one thing,’ because that’s limited for sure, we can be and do so much more if I step out of my two-dimensional view on my life.

 

Dedication also sounds a bit to me like the-deed-actions, the actual doings that we can place our time, effort, focus and perseverance on in order to see who we really are as creators, to learn to be consistent in doing something that I might see ‘no point’ in doing after some time and rather get to complete it, get to walk through it to its end to then have the real say as the creator of it and see who I was within the whole creative process, and ultimately assess how supportive or beneficial it was or wasn’t.

The key point for me here is to precisely not give up ‘half way’ in it, but be able to see something through until I get to complete it and then be able to have the ‘creator’s say’ on whether this is something that I can use and pursue any further or not, which is something that can only be assessed once something is finished, completed or achieved.

 

Of course this is in terms of self-honesty, meaning I have tended to hear a lot of my own thoughts of why I should quit doing something, so I have to be quite aware to not ‘quit’ on something based on reactions or having ‘second thoughts’ but only stop if there’s something that is genuinely consequential or compromising in reality– that’s a practical assessment – but in terms of experiencing a resistance, that’s where I have to live the word dedication and actually get to do and see the completion of something I set myself to do that I might initially think ‘it’s only for my own benefit’ or even pleasure. Ultimately this will be reflected on who I become as a creator in doing so, and that’s how we can eventually see where our efforts, consistency and perseverance is directed to and get to know our ‘wood’ as creators.

 

And this is also something I’ve only recently come to understand when it comes to ‘it’s about who you are within what you do’ – where instead of me judging the actual activity/work/creative process and outcome of it, I can see how I can test my creative abilities in whatever I get to do and work on. This is also in consideration of living in a world where we won’t only do ‘what we like,’ but we certainly get to test our preference-limitations through having all kinds of ways and jobs to make a living regardless of a ‘preference’ – yet even in those situations where we’ve felt most ‘compromised,’ we get to learn more about ourselves, the kind of person that we can develop ourselves to be within it all, the words that we can learn to live in those situations and contexts – all of that is certainly a place where we can live dedication for and as ourselves, as a quality to develop within ourselves, regardless of the outcome or ‘final product’ of something.

 

Therefore I see this word dedication is linked to action, to creation, to the consistency, the perseverance and focus I can put on doing something and ‘seeing it through’ which is what in my life has given me quite a sense of satisfaction, not because of ‘accomplishing’ something necessarily, but because of proving myself to be able to be and live to be much more than what I initially thought I could do or be in my life.

 

So, dedication, as ‘hard work’ as it may sound, it also comes with the inevitable fruits as a result of our input and output on a day to day living, and this is then where it stops being only something one has to be constantly ‘working on’ or ‘giving our time to’ but, we can change the equation to seeing how we are truly growing, learning about ourselves in order to be empowered and start creating, start directing, start and so continue paving the way through in what we want to stand as and live as in our lives.

 

Being dedicated to oneself as life can be the key to ‘see this life through’ with self-honor and self-respect and there’s only one way that one can predict this kind of outcome or future, which is by living self-honor and self-respect on a daily basis, living that dedication to be better in our lives and consequently affect others’ lives through that. The simple shift in this equation for myself is entirely having myself as the starting point, seeing every day as an opportunity to challenge myself, no matter ‘what’ I do but always remember it’s about ‘who I am’ in what I do that defines my truth and so what we make of ourselves in our lives, our ‘destiny’ or outcome of our self-creative process.

 

So, I’ll keep an eye on this word from here on and walk the next phase of using this quality that I’ve seen in me in certain ways or aspects and now use it to see who am I as this word if I see it’s not within something I see is benefitting ‘others’ directly, but is existing only as myself, for myself, which is quite a field to explore in my personal life.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


543. Living Simplicity

Or how to step out of a complex mindset and over-wrought approaches towards life

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

Before I dive into the word to look at today, I’d like to reflect on what this process of making a list of all the points that I have separated from myself and turned into an ‘attraction’ towards someone else has been for me in the sense of realizing that, what I ‘see’ in another comes from how I see and perceive another, and it’s not of course necessarily something that the other person ‘is’ in fact, but what I am able to see and define, which is ultimately about myself.

And that’s also why upon reflecting on each word I’ve opened up in these blogs, I’ve seen how they are actually key aspects to ground myself on and kind of assert my expression within those words that I considered I was ‘lacking’ within me. This realization was opened up when I listened to a very interesting process shared in this Eqafe interview today where an individual speaks of comparing themselves to someone else and seeing aspects in another that they believe they lack, instead of realizing that all of these ‘points’ or ‘expressions’ are actually identified and so originating from the person himself, meaning it is not about ‘the other’ person he’s comparing himself at all, which was another way to confirm what I’ve been seeing emerge throughout this exploration on these words.

So, simplicity is a word that I’ve learned to consider in my life mostly from walking this Desteni Process. The way that I am ‘wired’ to be is to be very elaborate, writing too many words, describing too much – even in my art it definitely would come off as being ‘all over the place’ which would lead me to at times envy the ability that others had to create very simple things yet be quite expressive at the same time and this extends to types of personalities that are ‘of few words’ so to speak but saying a lot with less. Here I’m still talking in personality/traits terms.

Some years ago I definitely tended to be operating on an ‘horroris vacui’ type of personality, which means constantly thinking, filling the gaps everywhere I could and this is a literal consideration also when it came to decoration – still working on it, lol – and at a mental level, I have tended to avoid the simplicity of silence, of simply ‘being here’ in the presence of others but not having to constantly ‘be interacting.’

When it comes to myself and who I was, I definitely could not be ‘keeping it simple’ because I was constantly ‘searching for something,’ existing in almost an ‘anxious’ drive to be analyzing, thinking, creating my own theories about life and why we’re here, believing that the more complex I was, the more I was reaching out to some kind of ‘higher understanding’ about life, and that the more I studied or acquired certain information, the closer to my ‘wholiness’ I would be – lol. This led me to also be quite ‘jumpy’ and sometimes getting ahead of myself, being quite emotional at times in my day to day, very much driven by the ‘highs and lows’ that I could face in my life and being in essence ‘blown around like a leaf in the wind’ and believing that my whole life was subject to some ‘higher path’ that I had no direction on, therefore I had to get into all kinds of knowledge and information as philosophies, religions, spirituality movements and anything else I could use in order to find some kind of ‘ultimate truth’ that I could rely on for the rest of my life.

Even in my personal presentation or ‘style’ so to speak, from how I surrounded myself of things in my environment, to all the stuff I would wear as ornaments, to the kind of clothes I used to wear, it was all very much ‘over done’ at times, which is simply a reflection nowadays where I away more simpler approach that I feel quite comfortable with – for now, lol – but it’s cool to see how I could not see myself being ‘the same’ as I used to look like, act like, think like some 10 years ago when I was at the height of this ‘unquenchable thirst’ to get somewhere meaningful in my life through complex methods and over-the-top routes.

All of that came to a slow but sure calmed down stance when I started applying myself within this process in Desteni, getting to know who I really am behind all of that ‘over-wrought’ version of myself and starting to understand the meaning of the ever present and famous Desteni quote said by Bernard Poolman of ‘Simplicity is the Key’ – and this word right there ‘simplicity’ was quite a revolutionary concept in my life, because I had truly considered that it all had to be the other way around: the more complex, the more accumulation of information, the more intertwining of information it would mean ‘better outcomes’ or ‘having a more solid understanding of reality’ – but I’ve come to realize for myself that this is not actually so.

Here another great quote applies which I also hold close to my heart: ‘Knowledge without Application is Useless’ which allowed me to see how much I was ‘layering’ myself with all kinds of data and information that wasn’t really necessary in order for me to learn how to live and develop common sense and get to create the person that I’d like to become and contribute back to life and what’s best for all this way.

I’ll share some examples here of some references I’ve taken on with me as the word simplicity.

When I look at the word simplicity, what comes to mind is the simplicity of life that I got to experience while living at the Desteni Farm for one year 8 years ago, where I was out of my usual environment and the city life and the rest of ‘complexities’ that usually surrounded me and learned to appreciate the simplicity of farm life, to get used to a ‘slower’ pace in life, to be less concerned with how I look and dress and all the personality masks I’d place upon and instead focus on working with my hands and body to create stuff, to learn from people around there, learn to forge this new phase of my life by having people around me that were living the definition of ‘simple lives,’ which to me was life changing and life-impressing which I took on as a way to appreciate the simple things in life and not requiring all the  ‘stuff’ around me to be ok or doing ‘things out there’ to be able to enjoy life and a moment, it really was quite a challenge for me to slow down and learn to ‘smell the flowers’ really, and still it is something I have to actively remind myself of and so I constantly reference myself back to that time as a reminder of ‘slowing down, taking it easy, live in simplicity.’

Another word that comes up when looking at the word ‘simplicity’ is common sense, because this is the way in which I’ve learned to assess virtually anything that I’ve faced in my life wherein I would usually tend to over-complicate myself with potentials, over analyzing, scrutinizing, judging, being uncertain, doubtful, apprehensive about things and through this process and learning to apply common sense to any situation, life simplifies a lot, because it all boils down to self-creation, self-responsibility, self-honesty and using the tools of self-forgiveness and self-writing in order to solve, create solutions, develop ways and methods to create solutions, to see other ways in which we can make something work.

Common sense is not something taught in schools and it’s definitely not logic – I’ve written a blog on that so you can check it out for reference – yet it is the simplest way of approaching life, and this has translated into a complete change in my approach towards my life and the usual ‘issues’ and points we have to face and all of the outcomes and consequences in this reality. There’s a lot compressed in this sentence according to what I’ve walked, realized, changed, applied, learned from but I consider that this entire blog site is a proof of that application of common sense learned through the Desteni perspective and specifically first hand from Bernard Poolman.

Now, one of the distinctive aspects that I see I’ve been able to see this simplicity as myself more noticeably as a change within me is where I used to be a person that was constantly like in ‘waiting’ mode or ‘seeking’ some kind of stimulation, experience, some ‘sign’ for me to do or move or create something. This ultimately created a complete separation from my ability to be directive, to take initiative, to take the first steps to be or do something.

This also relates to an outflow of generally slowing down in my mind and getting to be more ‘here’ or grounded in my physical body as a result of applying the Desteni tools, one gets to see that there’s no more ‘chaos’ going on all the time, there are no more rollercoaster rides and life simplifies a lot in that way, there’s no more confusion or ‘greater questionings’ but simply directing myself to do what I need to do, being breathing and learning to be content in that simplicity, which is actually a physical marvel that I was just reflecting, I know so little of, yet grateful to be existing as this physical body and being able to be here alive and sharing this.

And if something happens in my reality that completely takes me by surprise, I can still direct myself to slow down, see what is needed to be done and even if the situation might trigger reactions, I can work with it and be more settled and grounded within it all, because I simplify the points I have – and can – work with as my responsibility, so that also simplifies the way I approach and look at things and outcomes in my reality.

Currently from the space that I live in and how it looks to the way that I look at life, to the things that I occupy myself on, to the plans that I have, they all start simple and remind myself of this humbleness required to ‘start small, start simple’ in any point of change or plan I want to take on in my life, considering there’s also that tendency to want to go ‘over the top’ on something and that usually makes things too complicated.

This has been a great learning process for me in my life, to not attempt to kind of ‘engulf’ or ‘eat the world’ in one go, lol, even with this process wherein my initial approach was to ‘get it done as fast as possible’ until I dropped that expectation and made it simple by instead integrating this process as myself/my life, a constant in who I am – no distinction – therefore no longer seeking an ‘end’ to it, but seeing the end of this process with the end of my own life on Earth – and then another one will come but that’s not here so, I take it easy/simple by working with what’s here.

That’s also another great point to consider as simplicity, working with ‘one point at a time’ and ‘working with what’s here’ in our reality. I used to be the kind of person that thought of the world being on my shoulders and me having to be the kind of person that ‘saves everyone in it’ lol! So, yes this simplicity of self-responsibility and understanding my own role in it all has been supportive to instead of trying to focus on changing ‘the world out there’ I start with myself, start simple – and it’s easier said than done, but again, if one starts with one pattern, one habit, one set of thoughts we realize are not supportive, one kind of experiences that are preventing us from living to our utmost potential, then we get to understand how indeed, simplicity is the key in this process.

One challenge for me though is to be able to eventually – and this is a maybe, because who knows? – simplify my written expression lol! I am aware I write a lot and some people have made comments on my super-complex and very long sentences, and at times I’ve tried to ‘simplify’ them by not going into very ‘holistic’ considerations, yet they still come through. Maybe this is a point to simply not judge myself for and simply learn to fine tune as I continue writing and so ‘keep it simple’ in the sense of not having to give ‘all the details’ all the time, but learning to share the core or essence of something in order for another person to also discover for themselves what that means in their own experience.

I also see that being laconic may not be the living definition of an approach of simplicity towards life, because a person can express ‘few words’ but be constantly busy inside themselves. So I have to learn also to not create an assumption of ‘less is more’ in that sense, because ultimately it’s not only about what we show or express towards others, but how we express, live, see, approach life within ourselves in every moment. So, it all goes back to ‘who we are’ in whatever we are, do or create – not necessarily how something ‘looks like’ or sounds like or seems like, and that’s self-honesty: we are the only ones that can really know whether we are living a word or not.

What I see as a life changing approach within living simplicity is precisely on my overall new approach to life, which for a lack of a better expression is like a gust of wind that one can create for oneself whenever we start ‘over-boiling’ our thoughts or experiences and realize that we are getting too ‘dense’ and ‘complex’ and need to cool down, slow down, look at the bits instead of trying to fit ‘the whole picture’ in one go – and that’s precisely where this word simplicity comes handy as a reminder of not making something ‘more’ in our minds than it actually is, remembering to take it easy, to slow down, to breathe, to take a moment to ‘smell the flowers’ and appreciate the simplicity of life happening around us while we are ‘busy up there’ in our minds, a life that can be a quieter one inside us even when being in the midst of the busiest environments, of learning to more immediately see and devise solutions, instead of going into complex ways and experiences that obfuscate us from seeing or resourcing simple solutions we can apply and live in those moments.

Ultimately Life is very simple, it is ourselves in our minds that makes it complex, so here again a relevant reminder forever: Simplicity is the Key 🙂

Thanks for reading

 

“Understand that the same decision and dedication that created this world this way is the same dedication that will change this world –no one will do more than what they do now–it will just be in reverse–instead of a world of inequality, it will be a world of equality– grasp this simplicity” 

Bernard Poolman 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


541. Creativity and Self-Creation

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

This word right here is ‘close to my heart’ so to speak considering how I have previously conceived creativity in a rather limited way, linking it to artistic skills for the most part and traits within myself and others that would be geared towards expressing oneself in any form of art or doing something ingenious, witty or clever that serves a practical purpose.

However throughout this process with walking the tools of self-support at Desteni, I’ve learned to understand the actual depth of who we are as creators, created and creation, which might sound a bit too ‘out there’ initially – and it certainly does require a vast context that one can find support to walk through step by step in several series that can be found at Eqafe.com. Here I’ll focus on debunking this limited perception of how I can at times still perceive that I can be separate from my ‘creative abilities’ by defining that only related to ‘doing original work’ or creating a particular trademark in relation to artistic creations, instead of realizing that these are all results, the byproduct of a much more intricate and personal self-process of understanding self-creation and the actual ability we have to determine our lives and so our destiny, not only in creating something ‘out there’ but as ourselves, identifying ourselves as our own creators too and honoring that creative ability in our lives.

Here I am therefore giving a step forward from my initial approach to this word as seen in relation to ‘liking another person for being creative’ and taking this word back to myself, to see who am I as this word and how I am living it, what needs to be fine-tuned and what I want to continue creating of myself and my life in the context of being an individual that can stand as an example of what it means to honor one’s creation and one’s contribution to the whole that we are all a part of.

Perceiving that we are not the sole creators of our lives leads to a sense of disempowerment, of ‘atrophy’ in believing that we are always subject to our weaknesses, our faults, our ‘human nature’ in which in my experience can show up at times being very quick to judge things or determine that something is not ‘good enough’ and get doubtful about myself and the totality of what I am doing in a moment, tending to compare myself to others or get impatient in this process of self-creation. All of these aspects are precisely the points that I have to continue working on and being detailed about, because whatever we eventually create and manifest not only as things we do or create in the external world, but every single thought, word and deed will be ultimately influenced by the very core of our being, who we are in every moment of our day = what we accept and allow to determine ourselves in our minds and so in our reality.

What does that mean? I’ve noticed that if I for example accept an experience of pointlessness or defeatism within something that I am doing, and believing that ‘there’s no point for it’ and lose my ground and initial vision to create something in my reality, I am quick to ‘give up’ on it and then judge it as something that ‘just isn’t for me’ and consider that there are ‘others that are better at it, but not me,’ resulting in separating myself from a particular capacity that I simply had to keep practicing and working on, but was very quick to give up to, meaning I didn’t live perseverance on it.

I discovered this when painting last year – which yes, certainly this is what might be considered a ‘formal creative activity’, but I’ve discovered that interestingly enough it is the one thing that had become a point I separated myself from due to reacting to what I was painting and drowning into judgments of pointlessness, dissatisfaction, lacking a purpose in it, ending up losing ground on what I was physically doing as the painting. The outcome? A painting that I was dissatisfied with and that I used as an excuse to say ‘I don’t want to paint anymore, this is useless, it’s futile, I’m done with this, I’m not good at it, there’s no point to it, I just give it up’

What I became aware of within that process is how I created my own outcome in relation to painting entirely through having allowed these judgments, thoughts that translated into emotions creeping up and completely directing myself in that moment as I was painting. I also realized that my very starting point for painting was flawed, because in that one day I was using painting as a way to evade my reality and a particular conflictive situation I was experiencing with someone in my reality, but not dealing with it in myself – so I essentially created my ‘sabotaged outcome’ when attempting to create something while I wasn’t stable within myself  or ‘at my core’ in that moment, and using painting as a way to ‘evade’ instead of being there and create as myself. 

So, who was I as creator in that moment? Evading myself first of all, believing I could create a better experience through painting and forgetting about the inner conflict in relation to something else in my reality. This created an outcome of recreating all of my weaknesses of the past and bringing them through in my act of painting charged with all of these judgments and inner-annoyance that I allowed within myself even before painting and it eventually outflowed into what I ended up painting.

The painting itself stood there for over a year as a reminder of something I left half way through and as a statement of ‘this is why I don’t want to go back to painting again,’ which I knew was unacceptable, but interestingly enough I also procrastinated getting back at it.

A month ago I took that same canvas and reworked it into a different outcome that I decided to experiment with, mostly to precisely in real time work on changing my relationship to painting itself, this time being aware of having a clear starting point, being stable and grounded within myself and my decision and ensuring that I wasn’t entertaining backchats and thoughts of how ‘terrible’ it was or how ‘pointless’ this was, but instead decided that: this is me directing myself to express in this painting, being flexible and open to the outcome of it, not having a fixed idea on it and walking through that resistance that I kept ‘alive’ within me for a year or so to not paint.

While having this clear starting point, of course the ‘usual doubts’ that I had experienced in the past emerged, the notions of ‘I should be doing something else’ and various other judgments, but I decided to continue doing it anyways, continuing directing, not focusing on the ‘result’ only but rather focusing on ‘who I am’ in this whole creative process. And this can stand as a good analogy to our lives where many times we can be very ‘result-based’ and if we don’t manage to create what we want, we drown into a low, a depression, a giving up – instead of rather seeing what can we learn about ourselves in the process of creating ourselves, what skills do we develop, what challenges can we identify and practically work on overcoming? All of this makes any creative process much more enjoyable where we don’t only focus on ‘a result in the future,’ but rather focus on who am I all the step of the way to get to do or become something, which is what matters in the context of life.

This example is a way to illustrate how we are the sole creators of ourselves. If I in that past moment of painting defined myself as not good enough, as having a ‘bad experience’ while painting, then of course the outcome became a reflection on that and I would resist painting after those few hours when I started that painting – and I ‘gave up’  even attempting to do something about it and instead made of my experience ‘who I am’ by letting everyone know how pointless it was to paint, how I am done with arts, how there’s no point to it – lol – now having to eat my words and forgive myself for it because I realized how it was a way of throwing a tantrum as a result of my own self-created sabotage. It was like deliberately cutting an arm off and then believing that “I’m fine without it” This is not only about arts though, but it can be applied to anything else in one’s life.

Another example can be where I go into judgment about an expression in another and remaining with that judgment about another, not questioning, not seeing it as something I actually must debunk within myself and align within myself in order to stand equal to that person – and what happens when I remain in that judgment is I am in fact diminishing my capacity to get to know that other person, to really live the word equality and create that relationship that I can essentially establish with anyone in this world if I decide to create it and nurture it, because it ultimately is our creation: we decide, we make the changes, we live the corrections, we walk the talk so to speak and there one goes.

One can walk through a veil of judgments and into getting to know a person for real, which I’ve personally have experienced various times where there was an initial judgment toward them and through self-forgiving and stopping my participation in those judgments within myself- along with time and in a deliberate decision to get to know them better – I’ve proven myself how much I had ‘made up my mind’ about them and all that I would have prevented myself from creating if I had remained in my mind-patterns.

Self-creation therefore can be as simple as deciding to make a change about a behavior or thought pattern in our lives, we determine it, we decide on it and we ‘give it life’ by integrating such change or point of creation in our day to day living, and that’s precisely what living words is all about as well, where these words won’t ‘come up’ like thoughts or backchat in our minds as a ‘natural flow’ or ‘desire’ even to live and create  – nope, we are unfortunately not hard-wired to live creation as life, we are mostly hard-wire to self-sabotage which is illustrated in what I shared about my relationship with arts and painting when I allowed myself to be dictated by my mind, instead of standing as the directive principle.

My current relationship to self-creation is thus a relationship of self-discovery, self-awareness and ultimately self-empowerment, which comes also with the understanding that in being responsible for all that I am and create, it also gives me that certainty that no matter ‘what’ I create – if I make mistakes, if I ‘fall’, if I go the ‘wrong route’ in my choices, decisions and actions – I can trust myself that I have my self-honesty to assess myself and so do the process with self-writing, self-forgiveness in self honesty, lay out the corrections and stand up again to continue walking.

There’s no excuse anymore to ‘give up’ on something based on a ‘bad experience’ with something, I can instead practically assess what is practical to do, what makes sense to change as well as what’s practical to dedicate my time, breath of life and effort to, to be the sole director of who am I day to day – that’s self-creation right there and accordingly, we also then determine ‘who we will be’ because this reality works in patterns, so we essentially can re-wire or re-write ourselves by imprinting new ways to live from morning to night time, we can decide how we look at our day: a day to create or a day to ‘relive the problems of the past’,  we can decide to be solution-oriented, to learn to live words in moments where we see the emotions or self-sabotage creep up, to make that decision to stand up and be directive in the moment – all of these moment to moment changes and decisions are already a point of self-creation and this is precisely what this process is all about.

So, we are all creative, we all create every single moment –for the good or for the worse – and realizing that ability we all are constantly exercising and learning to honor it and act as creators with integrity, with self-respect and regard to life can truly be the way to change the fabric of the relationships we create in this world.

Also, I remind my-self not to be discouraged if things don’t work as intended in terms of change in a few first set of times, it takes practice, it takes diligence, it takes focus, it takes dedication and a commitment to self, which are all words we have to also learn to practice, live and integrate into the fabric of our very being, considering that they are also not ‘natural’ aspects in ourselves for now, but they can become part of us with the same diligence and consistency one applies to learn or create anything in reality.

We live in a physical reality, so patience is very relevant, persevering is the actual word here to look at which is also a timely reminder for me, to not lose sight of what I create on a daily basis and always see it within the greater context as well of contributing to create and bring life into the physical through my day to day living.

Sounds great isn’t it? But it takes actual work to do, so my only suggestion is to consider this creative capacity we all have and decide who we want to be as artists creating ourselves as our own masterpiece, one that we will live with and embody for the rest of our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

Multiple Possibilities to Express

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


539. Taking Life Seriously

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

A particular trait that I had also defined as ‘superior’ was the expression of seriousness within people linked to a particular intellectual character wherein both points – the characterization or ‘portrayal’ at a physical manner level plus all the ‘right words’ would usually lead me to feel intimidated or perceiving that I was ‘less than’ people that would present themselves as very articulate, stoic in their expression and most of all serious in their expression or communication, perceiving that this seriousness was something that I lacked – apparently – and that I would therefore only get to admire in others for the rest of my life.

Over the years of walking the Desteni Process, I’ve been able to slowly but surely debunk my own perceptions around this seriousness wherein I myself have embodied such seriousness as a way to cause a certain impact upon people in an attempt to say: look, I mean this for real, I care for this – which would at the same time then be more of a ‘show’ for others in my expression than me living seriousness in a supportive manner, and this I explain in a certain perspective in a vlog I made today here.

Here I want to check where I am in relation to this ‘seriousness’ and aligning it to what I want to live as an expression of ‘taking life seriously’ which doesn’t mean I have to keep a straight face all the time or act in a rigid and in a controlled manner, appear stoic and ‘motion-less’ or be overtly intellectual to be perceived by others as ‘me being a serious person.’ It is interesting how the definition of seriousness is mostly linked to this rigid expression which of course myself as a female, it became easy to associate this ‘seriousness’ mostly with males, which I have linked to a form of ‘physicality’ (which I’ll open up in a blog to come, a stability, confidence, grounding experience which I had separated myself from based on comparing my expression to that of males mostly, considering my bubbly and ‘flowy’ expression at times as a form of  weakness instead of simply embracing it as a part of my expression, no more or less than any other – so here again exposing the problem of going into comparison leading to an inevitable polarity of ‘more or less than’ which recreates consciousness-speak.  

So, here what I separated myself from is again a mind-experience related to ‘seriousness,’ a set of characteristics that are portrayed as a personality, a façade, a way of behaving or presenting oneself towards others, instead of actually living the word seriousness.

What does ‘taking life seriously’ mean to me? Essentially comprehending the role that each one of us have as creators of this reality and acting accordingly, which implies taking responsibility for our lives in our mind, being and body, learning to and applying ourselves to correct every aspect of our lives that we are the creators of and understand then the relevance each one of us has in this process of birthing life from the physical, in other words: taking seriously our role as ‘gods’ of our creation.

Here I want to specify how I’ve observed this within myself and other people that I’ve come to be in close contact with throughout my life wherein I would be intimidated or ‘in awe’ of certain people presenting themselves in this ‘serious’ character, yet when it comes to actually ‘walking the talk’ as in living the seriousness and intellect they might have had into a supportive manner, there was still quite a threshold and I could observe this within myself as well where I became more of a ‘show for others’ than fully grasping the actual capacity I had to live what I was preaching to the T and so genuinely take life seriously.

This assists me to debunk my own perceptions about what I’ve defined in me as a lack of ‘seriousness’ and instead now realize that I can assess for myself according to how I’ve lived, the decisions I’ve made and what I’ve committed myself to in order to define whether I am taking life seriously or not. I can self-honestly say yes based on the self-commitment I have, not to the utmost potential of ‘taking life seriously’ yet though, but I have a direction and set of ways to continue doing my part in whichever way I can to contribute to this living process from consciousness to self awareness as life.

I can therefore say that I have yet to fully embody taking my life seriously, but I understand and have walked in a consistent manner this practical learning process called life in self-awareness  of us being the creators of our lives, all of us being responsible for every action and consequence that has shaped our lives and that of others – understanding the scope of this existential process and at the same time understanding our role in it all.

Taking life seriously means participating in this process, being a life-birther so to speak not only in thoughts or eloquent speeches, but in who we are in our day to day actions, decisions, choices, ways of living, behaving, the kind of relationships we form with people, the kind of life we lead towards others and in our very own ‘secret mind’ – all of this is what reveals how serious we are with our own life and so life itself.

And because I cannot really ever measure or judge anyone as being serious or not about life, I can only live and do that for myself in my own life, and that’s what I commit to do, so that whenever I see I am being lax about the effect of my thoughts, words and actions in the constant and continuous process of co-creation in this reality, I have to ground myself back into taking life seriously and reminding myself that nothing that I participate for is ‘unaccounted for’ or ‘forgotten’ or ‘erased’ from the physical memory in this reality.

We have been existing into a seemingly ‘comfortable’ tunnel vision to understand the actual immediate co-creative abilities we have onto our reality with our very thoughts, words and deeds and their consequences of course as the proof of that, no matter how we may justify them or ‘paint’ them, we are all equal co-creators in this – yet, each one of us has the ability to decide what kind of creation process one gives life to, and the level of self-awareness that we have the potential to exist as vs. the level of awareness we ‘choose’ to blind ourselves with from our individual and collective responsibility to the whole.

So, here I commit to remind myself to not be impressed or intimidated by a personality that looks and sounds serious, eloquent, precise, meticulous, common sensical yet intellectual in nature, because this is where I need to always remind myself that as simple as it might sound: talk is cheap, words are ‘easy to say,’ they are ultimately just words, speeches – but Living Words is a whole different story. What we need is people actually living what we preach and this applies not only as an external ‘role’ or ‘profession’ for the world out there, but actually being so in one’s day to day.

Therefore, the point here is for me to be an example of what it means to take life seriously in my every thought, word and deed, wherein I commit to do what I set myself to be and do in the name of what’s best for all, where my life can stand as a testimony of what it means to ‘be the change you want to see in this world’ and do so without having to resort to the usual traits and personalities that may use ‘seriousness’ as a way to portray a form of superiority or ‘authority’ which many times – if not most – are not congruent in terms of ‘personal’ and ‘professional’ life.

That’s the divide I want to break here in my own life where I am not just someone that divides life and work in order to be ‘two separate beings’ that can take life seriously and not at the same time – no matter ‘what’ I do and where I am in the system, I commit myself to taking life seriously as in not being lax to my own application of self-correction and living expansion, and to honor that commitment through every decision I make in my life, which translates into living integrity and self-respect as creators of our lives= as within, so without.

That’s the kind of individuals that I’d like us all to become and debunk for once and for all the external facades of ‘care towards life’ that are not genuinely honored in the nature of who we are as individuals, becoming ‘cheap talk’ with no substance at all – and this is what I am here challenging within myself, to stick to my truth, to live my words, to practice what I preach in my living reality on a day to day basis, beyond only conveying good sounding words which anyone can ultimately convey – this is about sharing one’s truth and one’s commitment to actually live and embody as the new nature of ourselves as human beings, and that’s the kind of seriousness I’m definitely all in for in my existence.

Thanks for reading  

 

 

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