Category Archives: media

244. How to Prevent School Shootings

Humanity Must Look Within First – Journey To Life Self-Investigation

 

Are school shootings another Sign of the End Times?

Reading about another shooting –  reading  AGAIN  about another shooting makes us ponder why the pattern keeps unfolding without any conclusive realization to understand what is causing these events in the first place.

We resort to talking about how ‘monstrous’ these events are, point fingers at the perpetrators and see them as the problem. Then we talk about  Gun Control, which is one of the reasons why these weapons are readily available for  virtually anyone having enough money to get one in the ‘gun fairs’ in America or through any other illegal manner in such case. We know it’s in their 2nd amendment, we know that the NRA is virtually paying thousands to prevent any form of gun-regulation taking place which could result in a loss of their own profiteering clubs with expensive memberships, seems impossible to overcome but, who decided the power of money overall as the actual decision maker in this world-system in the first place? We did.

We have discussed the ubiquitous violence in the media as a way to inspire people to commit mass murders  in real life upon others, we have talked about the usual ‘profile’ that these people present and how to not look at ‘types of people’ but what causes such behavior in the first place. But these are only outflows and consequences of a point that exists before guns, before violence in the media, before antidepressants and mentally instable people: it is our own responsibility as human beings to regard life as equal within ourselves, toward each other, toward our children and  the world system as a whole. Do we currently live in a world system that provides unconditional living support to ensure that all beings are having ‘the time of their lives’ on Earth? No, and that should already be considered a source for mental instability, because we all have played blind to not see how wrong it is to go living our lives pursuing happiness while leaving some billions to live on the streets or starve to death.

 

I read the news, this time it’s not teenagers that have been killed, but kids. What could drive anyone to kill innocent children? The point is not any longer where he got the guns from, whether he was a fan of ‘disturbing music’ or taking antidepressants, but how we raise our children and how much do we really take into consideration every single spec of our environment as an actual source of “Education” that is mostly nowadays obviously filled with guns, drugs, violence as a form of ‘killing time,’ because there is ‘nothing else to do’ in a world where everyone is just surviving in a dog eat dog world. What do you do for fun? Shoot up drugs, grab guns and kill people, develop any other form of escapism through becoming addicted to virtually Anything that can give you a temporary High in this world that mostly represents a low for everyone, simply because- once again – everyone’s been taught that you should be Happy and search for it no-matter what. No one considered to what extent consumerism could backfire with people now being on so many drugs to ‘overcome’ mental instability and then acting out in reality such ‘insoluble problem’ out on others, exerting all that anger and frustration as a final statement that could ‘hopefully’ open other people’s eyes and ears to the reality we’re living in.

 

But, where is our responsibility in this? The mind. Every single event, every single move that has caused us to attempt against life can only be generated by thinking processes in our minds – there’s no other way to that. As humanity, we have failed to see ourselves as our own mind as the source and cause of the problems we face in reality. We blame our media, our guns, our wars, our economic system,  our entertainment and drugs, our news, our fascinations but: where do they Begin in the first place? Why do we need to protect ourselves and creating guns for that? Why do we require to wage wars to become more ‘powerful’ than other nations? Why do we resort to hyper-emotions as a form of entertainment to compensate for a ‘lack of successful living’ or ‘happy go lucky lives’? Why do we see our economic system as unfair and unequal but not question who has chosen – accepted and allowed – it to be so in the first place? Why do we resort to mind numbing entertainment and drugs to suppress our actual inner experience? Why do we get scared of listening ‘negative stuff’ on the news and rather watch something more ‘positive’ instead? Why do we have morbid fascinations in a world wherein one is taught to seek your ‘greatest excitement’ and if shooting people is presented on video games and movies as a source of empowerment, then why the hell is it so ‘strange’ that someone dares to live it out in real life? And even more so, these shootings are a desperate cry , a wake up call to make a difference in this world, to realize how fucked up everything is – it is not just a point made by a ‘bad person’ in a ‘bad world’ that was ‘lost and confused,’ come on.

If we could do a door to door survey on each person’s ‘mental stability’ and drug consumption of any form – from sex, legal and illegal drugs, excessive food consumption,  alcoholism, shopping, entertainment, exercise, pornography, codependent relationships and the list goes on –  we would realize we are All trying to Escape ourselves, in one way or another, even if you consider yourself the healthiest person, ask yourself whether money then is actually that conditional pillar of support for any perceived well being.  and that is obviously then an addiction to feeling good through that which enables such feeling good in the first place: money. Other than that, no one is ‘happy’ in this world and we use and abuse each other to get some form of content experience that only leads to contempt on the long run, because it’s not sustainable, because it is self abusive – but then, are we then working on establishing a permanent solution for this inner-experience? Not yet.

 

Could it be that because not everyone is given Equal Money to Live in dignity that any form of mental instability is created? Think about it, people are growing more isolated and depressed despite our so-called evolution and technological advancements and the reason why is because we can live in great looking places with all sorts and variety of shit that no one really needs,  but in the inside, there’s not  a single spec of self respect as living beings – why? Because everybody knows that life’s being sold and abused in order to generate this well being.

(Read We’re living longer than ever…but suffering more pain, depression and illness as a result

 

Now, this background is necessary because we often tend to look at the environmental conditions of a person’s life that could lead them to commit such atrocities, but we never question:  who gave a damn about this person’s life? who was listening to him? How was his relationship with family/ peers? Did anyone know what was going inside him, how he viewed the world/ reality, what his fascinations grew up to be? I am perfectly aware that we are all great liars when it comes to presenting a nice presentation of ourselves and be seemingly ‘normal’ at the eyes of others, but fuck knows what goes on in our minds and the moment we are Possessed by what we brew up there: problem, because we will usually follow that which we believe within ourselves makes sense and as such, will justify even the most heinous crimes in any self righteous act of ‘making a statement’ for example, and that’s just because we were never taught to honor each other as equals, to regard our life and that of others as actually something that should be honored in the first place. But no, all we learn is how to despise, compete, spite and abuse others in the name of self empowerment.  And all of this stems from a single point that is lacking: a principled living of Life in Equality based on Prevention.

 

What would prevention imply?

Parental education to become absolutely aware of themselves to begin with from the initial moment that they see themselves as wanting to ‘have children’ and what that will actually imply in the absolute meaning of the words: giving birth to life. That is currently not understood at all and children are being brought into this world as an automated starting point of desire to ‘have a family’ without any actual regard to life as a point that must be cultivated from the moment of conception till the very last days of a living human being within the consideration of honoring each other’s life in all ways. That is not existent – why? Because the very world system that we have created is not regarding life in equality, is not honoring each other’s life within a system and structure that could support everyone to live in equality and have at everyone’s disposition the best ways in which one can educate and learn living skills to actually LIVE not ‘cope’ or only ‘have fun’ with reality.

 

There’s the usual pattern again: people that become depressed and lonely with ‘autistic behaviors’ because of not caring and worthing themselves,because there are no life values and self-worth promoted in this world from birth, it is all just diverted to buying/ consuming and getting something that will give you a temporary High even if that High implies wanting the world to end or shoot little kids in elementary schools, just because no one taught you that it is possible to change everything that you hate about yourself and this world. These thoughts of just wanting everything to go down the drain is existent in every single one of us, and as one person said in one of the videos about ‘wanting doomsday’ as  a form of irresponsibility, we are all such characters every time that we opt to follow through with our suppressions through any form of drug or consumption of life to have a positive experience and ‘keep it up’ than daring to look at the reality of ourselves as absolutely unsatisfied due to what we’ve become as persons, as this world system and the abuse inflicted upon all life forms as a result of this  – which is what this new shooter made visible: there are consequences that will emerge from our neglect toward each other as equals, as ‘valuable.’

 

The reality is that the consequences are already catching up with us faster than ever, and probably a lot more of these events will come if we do not place our focus to understand that the lack of parental skills is the actual matter of National Emergency and a Real problem of Social Health. The lack of consideration to provide equal unconditional support for all human beings is a Real Problem that is causing people to rather ‘escape’ and ‘evade’ reality than taking any form of actual responsibility to see how we are educating our children, what are our values, what are we defining as ‘living’ in this world, do we really even Care about ourselves – not to say each other – why do we rather take drugs to stop depressions instead of pondering How we accepted and allowed ourselves to exist only as a mind that experiences such ‘lows’ in a world where all Highs are sold and promoted all the time  – from money itself, to food, to clothes, cars, entertainment, guns, sugar, drugs of course and anything else that we believe will make us happy.

 

These events are a massive backfire of everything that we’ve become: seekers of our greater ‘truths’ and happiness in some form of bubbly American dream lifestyle based on consumption and abuse upon life, caring only about ourselves and ‘our loved ones’ and flipping the finger to the rest. Some people had to carry out such abuse in a blatant manner to make a statement of how we are consuming and abusing innocent lives in order to satisfy our human egolution  in our attempt to become the ‘most powerful ones’ while disregarding any form of consequence that such vulgar and brutal display of power implies.

 

Are we ready to realize that these shootings are not to be cried after but actually take back to self to see where and how we are accepting and allowing All of the above mentioned conditions as a ‘normal’ part of our society? Are we willing to face the consequences such as these shootings and any other chronic problems such as wars that are killing not only 22 kids in an elementary school, but thousands of children as ‘civilian casualties’ in massive attacks wherever wars are taking place – or even worse: kids that are being handed guns in order to become soldiers to fight for their nation.

 

Are we wiling to give up our so-called lifestyles for a single life to dedicate ourselves to create a solution that will ensure no other person feels so damned miserable and depressed to take a gun and shoot children and as such ensure children are able to roam free in this Earth – or are we willing to continue ignoring ourselves, our minds, our bodies, each and every single particle of life around us in the name of self interest wherein ‘as long as I am ‘okay’ then I don’t really care’?

 

How far are consequences having to manifest in order to wake up. This is a loud cry to wake up from our massive self-induced carelessness because we all learned only to ‘care for ourselves’ and essentially, don’t give a fuck about the rest. Well, our individualism is now being reaped and it’s plain to see that this world is the reflection of every single thought we’ve kept within our minds toward ourselves and each other – hence the problem is not a single country or ‘culture’ in this world, it is a human-crisis that begins at a mind level and the fact that we haven’t questioned our own instabilities as our own consequence of what we value in life in separation of ourselves already indicates that we are still to blind to acknowledge the simplicity of the problem beginning at a single thought level.

 

I urge you to take a look within yourself first and where you stand within and toward any of the points mentioned here. It is our collective responsibility to educate ourselves to learn how to coexist as equals and as such to democratically create and vote for a system that will ensure Life  is Lived in Equality in all ways – there will Not be a single person trying to make a statement of living in a great big sad and filthy world if we all commit ourselves in this lifetime to become an example of what it is to say I STOP and  instead direct ourselves to become part of a collective effort to create the necessary policies, monetary, educational and health care systems that can stand as a platform to support ourselves as life, dignified and honored within and without

Please research the Equal Money System, we Really don’t have to get to the point of massive obliteration of reality killing one another – there is a way to prevent and stop these events if we all collectively agree to take Self Responsibility and join our efforts as a force of common sense that is willing to declare a final cease to abuse of life on Earth.  That is our responsibility and measure of prevention.

 

“The Physical World was Designed, to Mirror the Actions of Humanity and to Show the Delusions of the Mind. Therefore you can take the Mind away, and Earth will Continue. You can take the Human Away, and Earth will Continue. But, you Introduce the Human with the Mind – and the Spiteful manner in which it Refuse to take Responsibility for Life: and the World and Nature will be Devastated.

The Evidence is Clear – the Self Honesty is Not.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

Further Support:

 

Blogs:

 

 

Documentaries:

 

 

Vlogs:

 

Read Further:

Interviews:

Life Review – The Consciousness of a Mass-Murderer
Life Review – The Consciousness of a Suicide-Bomber

243. The Sublime and the End of the World

While listening to the Doomsday Activist Life Review, I realized that I had precisely gone for the exhilaration and experience of having a certain moment wherein ‘something’ had to happen in this world  as an ultimate doomsday scenario/ Armageddon type of event, because there were just ‘too many points converging into the same day’ that it was almost undeniable that something would happen, but what? I actually thought for a moment that consciousness would cease to exist that day  – lol – and before Desteni, I thought it was time for a major catastrophe that I simply ‘dreamed of.’

 

“So, it’s interesting that, it has never been Questioned: “Why are there so many different, varying “One’s” and each One believe itself to be “the Right One.” I mean, all the different Prophecies/Predictions cannot ‘materialize’ Simultaneously…with some believing in Ascension, others Jesus coming, others The End of the World by a physical/natural Occurrence and all the different Prophecies/Predictions are aligned with a particular Spirituality/Religion/Movement/Science and each one of those believe themselves to be “the Real Deal”. That, within this – human beings have not seen, realised and understood what all these “the One’s / Chosen One’s” have in common: they abdicate All Responsibility of Individual Human Beings to/as what ‘life on earth’ is/has become, and facilitate more as a distraction and preoccupation from/of Self-Responsibility, Life Responsibility to/as this Physical Existence.” – Sunette Spies *

 

To understand this point better and how I made of ‘The End of the World’  ‘my theme’ and favorite topic is looking also at some of the artwork that I made, which was mostly doomsday-like which I explain here  2008 Paintings portraying slavery of system and can be reviewed at the top of this blog in the Artwork section.

 

Even after a while I kept doing the same thing, doing series of different characters that would end up being part of this depiction of the end of the world, which reveals how much I was truly expecting it, desiring it, making it a recurrent topic and driving-force to be ‘creative’ just because I would get a kick out of it. This is what I could Identify as Sublime after reading Heaven’s Journey To Life blog that I will quote later on.

 

According to Schopenhauer and the ‘types of sublime’ I will be looking at are:

  • Sublime – Turbulent Nature. (Pleasure from perceiving objects that threaten to hurt or destroy observer).
  • Full Feeling of Sublime – Overpowering turbulent Nature. (Pleasure from beholding very violent, destructive objects).

 

According to E. Burke: “With his Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful (1757) Edmund Burke defined canonically its aesthetical prominence as the satisfaction arising from the removal of an imminent threat.” – Wiki Entry on Sublime

 

Last Man on Earth

Last Man on Earth 2009

 

I’ll place one ‘static example.’ This is the last man on Earth. And I would usually depict people having One eye closed, probably depicting that we have always deliberately ‘played blind’ to not see what we are doing to each other and this world, and this man as the last man on Earth turned eventually one-side blind as a result of having neglected reality. It also expresses the shame and regret about what we’ve done. His appearance is deliberately depicting our self consumption when living for the ideals of the ‘who we are’ in the mind– his clothes denote a battered ‘elitist lifestyle’ that has gone through trials and tribulations, some sort of survival point upon the death of the rest of humanity and animas. He’s standing upon a thousand words yet he seems to have nothing to say but his heart is beating and his lungs seem in a good state – he is alive. His hands have turned into the symbol that depicts life, he might be able to start from scratch to create a new world that supports life in Equality, if he can forgive himself past all the regret.

 

Continuing from:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the ‘end of the world scenarios’ as a source of excitement and exhilaration due to the actual fear that I would have with regards to witnessing an ‘end of the world’ scenario, without actually taking into consideration what such ‘end’ would mean and how it is that we would be in essence drawing ourselves back to zero and actually miss out the opportunity to use what is already here as this world and simply give it direction within a new consideration, a new path which is Life in Equality,  and within this: there is no need to destroy/ obliterate the world, but we can simply agree to slowly but surely go stopping our current ways in which we are existing as world-system and civilization and consider new ways of living wherein we can start regarding the environment/ the ecosystem as an actual living being equal and one to ourselves, and within that, establish solutions so that we stop the mass extinction, abuse and exploitation of life in the name of our personal benefits as ‘progress’ and ‘evolution’ that is only the result of us disregarding life and using it to power up our mind-realities of what ‘advancements’ are supposed to be like, disregarding the fact that the life of human beings, animals, plants is not taken into consideration when only using what is here in the name of power/ success/ evolution that is in fact only the evolution of the mind, not life quality. This also implies that I only used this ‘hype’ to tag along and generate an entire personality based on this ‘death and destruction’ ideals, simply because it is so much easier to hope for the end of the world than actually doing something to sort it out and create a new start for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rejoice and get excited about a possible ‘something’ happening in 2012 in order to wake up humanity, and expecting some form of cloudy messy doomsday on a particular date, without realizing that within such waiting it is only a distraction and entertainment to not look at the reality that is already here and pretty much existing  in a doomsday scenario, wherein the billions that have no support from the system to live in dignity live a doomsday on a daily basis – within this (Watch ‘In Heaven everything is fine’ video below.)

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to romanticize this ‘end of the world’ for my own entertainment and ‘delight’ as that expectation and getting a kick out of participating in imagination as all sorts of pictures and end of the world scenes that I would simply dedicate myself to paint, because I wanted to in one way or another be able to ‘predict’ what would happen and as such, also depict myself as one of the last standing on Earth, being a ‘chosen one’ which is the actual desire that I had and wanted to fulfill as a self-prophecy that I wanted to witness, no different to me being expecting a certain ‘event’ such as a concert or a trip and generating the same amount of expectation and excitement about it, which proves to what extent I actually disregarded what such pain and suffering really Is and only made images about it for the sake of propelling my own fascinations as the actual fear that I had toward witnessing some form of ultimate destruction on Earth – which is what I will have to go through as what I in fact experienced. Sublime experience.

 

Now, I suggest reading HOPE – The Metaphysical Carrot: DAY 237

and specifically HOPE – the Metaphysical Carrot (Part 3): DAY 239 

 

I left a comment there with the following realization:

Concepts like the ‘sublime’ have become clear through reading this, which is something I would link to 2012 in the past, all of this from the branch within philosophy and aesthetics of an image/painting that would cause you this ‘sublime experience’ as an actual fear turned into a point of attraction/ rejoice – which is also what Mykey explained in #9 Demons in the Afterlife Interview – all makes sense now.

Here I share some on this point from the Wiki entry on sublime:

“Burke’s treatise is also notable for focusing on the physiological effects of the sublime, in particular the dual emotional quality of fear and attraction noted by other writers. Burke described the sensation attributed to the sublime as a “negative pain” which he called delight, and which is distinct from positive pleasure. Delight is taken to result from the removal of pain (caused by confronting the sublime object) and is supposedly more intense than positive pleasure.”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sublime_(philosophy)

So essentially, same mechanism of ‘hope’ but sublime is more focused even more so just on the energetic experience in itself, without any form of ‘change’ but plain delight/ pleasure and all of that which is caused when looking at terror from afar. What a great mindfuckistic reality we have created. It is definitely time to stop.

 

I cannot say anything else but, this is an entire energetic experience that I had been quite keen on, the point of turning a fear into a fascination and the ‘end of the world’ is one of the fascinations I cultivated ever since I was probably a 5 years old or so when I wanted to be alien abducted with my dad, lol which is precisely what I describe in that video, later on fueled by songs like ‘Spaceman’ by Babylon Zoo – lol. Now, I am reviewing this just to see to what extent we can turn fears into fascinations and even more so, making it a point of pleasure/ excitement/ exhilaration and entertainment/distraction for MY personal experience, MY satisfaction, MY own delight, MY inspiration, depressions and general lack of desire to live, simply because of being subsumed in this ‘I want it all to end’ type of self-experience, just an absolute victimization that has permeated my being till this very day, as I see that any form of ‘lack of drive’ is just because I am not feeding anymore my usual energetic experiences that I had linked to a constant ‘looking forward’ to the future, but instead, the hereness that I am integrating myself as is experienced as a junky going on rehab, that’s what is ‘tough’ about this process and this is but one aspect of what I will be ‘withdrawing’ from.

 

Even the music that I listened to like Godspeed You Black Emperor – my favorite band within the schemes of my last ‘music junky’ fanatic phase –  I could define as this type of ‘Sublime’ / End of the world experience- you can read their story here for the first time told by themselves, since they are the type of people that would rather not speak at all but ‘let their music speak’ and have a look at the type of mentality I was absolutely drawn to, which became my inspiration on a daily basis within my life some 6 years ago.  I’ll leave a couple of videos I made with their music at the end of this blog.

 

When placing all of this little world of my own fascinations into perspective of the actual reality that is going on, I see that I am still drawn to this ‘romantic’ side of reality instead of focusing on the actuality of what is here and focusing not on cultivating further experiences I might get from music or arts in this doomsday-everything is fucked-vein for that matter, but focusing on actual reality considerations that I can educate myself on in order to stop any form of personal-endeavors to cultivate my fascinations instead of taking Self Responsibility for what is here.

 

So I’ll be walking this ‘branch’ of my artistic personality related to the sublime specifically and end of the world/lack of desire to live in blogs to come. This is what happens when a single character such as the ‘tormented artist’ in reality justifies absolute irresponsibility that becomes a morbid fascination and delight and see it as ‘okay’ it is an aesthetic category, it’s okay to cultivate it. Good for you, little artist.

 

Must Read Blogs:
 

Interviews:

 

My End of the World video creations:


229. Not Understanding the Mind leads to Insanity

Self-Addiction to Emotions and Feelings as ‘Who We Are’ = Self Interest

Elitist Character: Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility – Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

“the Mind/Energy will ‘fight’ for its Polarities, its relationships, its For/Against definitions, because in this process – it maintains friction/conflict, which is what fuel the existence of the Mind, which is what fuels the existence of this very World System, which fuels the attention-diversion/distraction of the Majority of Humanity to be preoccupied in Polarities, Polarity definitions, fuelling separation “divide and conquer” – while the Minority Elite take the reins of Humanity/life on earth – cause no-one is willing to give-up/let go of their Polarity, their Personality Definitions and actually UNDERSTAND ALL THINGS and align them into and as equal and one Solutions for ALL.” – Sunette Spies*

 

Self Forgiveness on who I shaped myself to be as my emotions and feelings.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the energy of friction and conflict as ‘who I am’ within my mind without realizing that it was a part of me that I believed I had a ‘right’ to exist as, because: it is coming from me, it must be me – and in this abdicate my very first awareness to the thoughts in my mind as ‘who I am’ and ‘what I am,’ and from that moment on, losing any perspective to question my thoughts and experiences coming up in the mind and felt in my physical body, but instead simply continued to believe that this inner experience of friction and conflict had a reason’ to be inside me and such, begin defining ‘who I am’ according to my mind, the nature of my thoughts, how I experienced myself as thoughts, emotions and feelings wherein my attention then centralized and focused on Me, My Mind, How I feel, beginning to neglect the rest of the beings and reality in itself just because of being focused on ‘who I am as the mind,’ missing out even the reality of myself as my own physical body within this mind-mode.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually use and fuel my own self conversations as a form of entertainment and re-assuring that ‘I am this mind,’ because the process of identifying myself ‘as my mind’ became solid as a child and as such, having this be confirmed by people around me when they started to identify me with a certain character like being ‘angry’ or ‘too aloof’ or ‘too conflictive’ or spoiled, which lead me to continue growing up believing that there was a ‘problem’ within me and that I was not normal/ not as other kids because of having this inner-conflict within me of any kind really,  that I could not ‘sort out’ but believe that ‘this is who I am/ I was born like this/ there is no solution’ – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that this friction and conflict is something that defines me and that I would have to bear with the rest of my life, that there was no questions about it and that I would most likely end up like the adults, being able to ignite in extreme anger in one moment and not be able to stop, which indicates how I became aware of emotions as the aspect I resonated more with, which became a point of identification just because of what I had been exposed to in my reality as a child, which then defined ‘who I am’ according to these surges of anger  and distress that I would experience but was not able to solve within myself, therefore accepting these surges of energy as incontrollable/ unstoppable and ‘who I am,’ which is how I have come to accept the totality of the mind as myself without a question.

 

I realize that yes, the mind represents everything that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves from as ‘our nature’ as humanity which is not of harmony or completion or stability or benevolence, but, of actual evil as the reverse of life as all aspects of separation that we accepted and allowed ourselves to become. This is how I realize that I accepted conflict as a ‘problem’ within myself – just as any other human being – and that due to not knowing how others would also experience themselves, I created a point of specialness as in having some form of ‘anomaly’ for having these ups and down experiences which I identified as being actions that only ‘crazy people’ would have/ experience, eventually wearing the tag as a way to justify my inner conflict and even take proud of that because in one way or another, I was justifying my own personality as ‘special’ and ‘unique’ for having this ways of being which I actually fooled/ kid myself to believe I had no control of, when in fact as I review  such moments, I realize I absolutely was aware of what I was doing and how what I did was a deliberate point of causing and instigating conflict within myself as entertainment and others, because it just felt ‘good.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use friction and conflict within me as a point of self-infatuation and entertainment wherein I began only focusing on ‘How I felt’ in every moment wherein I was given the option to ‘feel good’ or ‘feel bad’ and define everything in my life according to likes and dislikes that became points/  aspects of self identification by people in my environment as ‘who I am,’ and within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that because people were okay with having things that they like and dislike or specific characteristics/ moods/ preferences, I was able to then do the same and seek the most unique ways to exist in comparison to them, which is how everything that I perceived as ‘normal’ around me, became my standing point to define myself as everything that I would be ‘against’ to, without realizing that it was never ‘Me’ as a physical being living at all, but just existing as a mind that would lead to define oneself according to standing ‘against’ the majority, standing against/ opposing one’s “normal-environment,” only for the purpose to have a way to stand as a ‘different’ or ‘authentic’ personality defined in opposition to others, and in this only fueling and supporting the separation, the friction and conflict that ensued from that moment on in my life,  wherein

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within this identification of who I am as the mind, I defined ‘who I am’ according to being ‘the opposite’ to what my family and peers at school represented, and as such, build  my own specialness and security within these definitions at a mind level, which only lead me to every time seek to upgrade my ‘personality’ and preferences, characteristics as a way to not only then antagonize my family or people at school, but the world system in itself in a spiteful mode that I took on toward everything and everyone, without realizing that everything that I spiting at all times was only myself when and while neglecting my very own physical body and the substance that I am as life, using it to power and fuel my  mindfucks, literally, which is unacceptable – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept this culture of ‘personality cultivation’ and creation based on defining me as a particular character with preferences and temperament as all the thoughts, beliefs, ideas and opinions I started creating as ‘my point of view’/ my way of being, without realizing that every single definition that I took on as myself became just another way to define myself As something that would invariably stand within one pole that would create friction/ conflict/ react to the opposite pole as another definition to which I would invariably react to, as I had to somehow ‘defend’ myself as My definition whenever the opposite would present itself in my reality.

I realize that I always had one moment before reacting wherein I would actually decide to ‘role play’ my part and react to that which I was supposed to react to based on my preferences, my personality and that which I defined would make me ‘angry’ or ‘mad’ or happy or sad or excited based on the preferences and personality that I began cultivating as a child as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘fill the character’ that I became by my own apparent ‘will’ to do so, and do, react, say and speak the way that I had built myself to be, do, act and speak like, within this complying to the social norm of becoming a character that is predictable and would react against/ oppose or like that which is defined as the oppostite polarity of myself. Within this also,

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘follow through’ with my own script throughout the years and continue fulfilling the reactive character every time that I was almost expected to ‘fulfill the character,’ which is how I realized that the personalities that I created were mostly  ‘a show’ for others, a way to stand in self-importance, specialness, uniqueness and in that learned to only focus on my self, fulfill myself, react when I was expect to do and never question again this as something that could be stopped, because, I had already ‘gotten married’ with the idea of myself/ gotten too much into character, which then became a Lie I had to follow through with and eventually it integrated fully as ‘who I am’ over the years and that was it. I believed that I could not ‘change me’ and stop participating in the character because of the fear of ‘who would I be without it,’ not realizing that the only thing that fears stopping self definitions is the mind, not who we really as as a physical body that is actually being abused and neglected throughout our developmental processes in the mind wherein we are only focused on cultivating our characters and self-experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the inner conflict experienced would always be with me and that I would grow up to be as angry/ neurotic as the adults I was aware of in the family, and that I would end up being somehow sick and with some form of mental problem or disorder as well as an emotional problem – such as chronic depression or constant worry and stress – without ever really having investigated how this all was just part of me having identified myself with my thoughts, feelings and emotions as ‘who I am’ as well as adopting the ‘ways of being’ from the characters around me in the family/ society, and as such, believing that I had something ‘wrong’ within me because the inner conflict would not go away – hence believing that I was invariably going to have a ‘disease/ sickness/ mental problem’ at a later stage in life – hence

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize to what extent there is ignorance in humanity with regards to the nature of how the mind works, wherein one single energetic experience was perceived as something utterly ‘wrong,’ or a malfunction, anomaly or disease because of how we’ve programmed ourselves to believe that what we see on TV or as the façade of each other as ‘harmonious,’ ‘happy’ and naturally joyful beings was in fact ‘real’ and had to be ‘who we are,’ without realizing it is a masquerade to hide the actual fear, stress, depression that is experienced within, as that is the nature we have all accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as the mind, fueling this constant belief that we have to ‘keep up with the positive’ while all the time we experience this inner-conflict when participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions that veered toward the opposite and no matter how we categorize our experiences as positive or negative, they all represent a point of conflict which indicates energy which is of the mind and as such, able to be stopped and self corrected as a point of Self Responsibility.

 

I realize that this  ‘incongruence’ of my inner experience and the outer experience I was supposed to present, created a rift within myself believing that ‘there was something wrong with me,’ and this mostly being talked about in the media as mental disorders and being depressed or having low self esteem, being addicted to a form of self-abuse, belittlement and all of that which was considered as a mental problem/ a Grave problem, which I then kept quiet about and kept a well placed façade of ‘everything is fine, I am perfectly normal,’ even within my dissident/ antagonist characters, but ‘normal,’ and such, veering toward other ways to ‘make sense’ of my inner conflict, leading me nowhere but further confusion and relationships that supported this inner conflict, which became the focus on my life, trying to make sense of it through others, through living the lives of others and avoiding looking at my own, becoming friends with and having relationships that I thought I could use as a way to sort out my own inner conflict through others, instead of focusing on my own and within this, only aggravating the inner conflict that I kept for myself all the time, out of fear of actually having to ‘ask for help.’  Within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to label these energetic experiences as ‘mental disorders’ to that are in fact the ‘normal’ workings of the mind within how it  operates and understanding that for that matter, all human beings could be labeled as having some ‘mental disorder’ because The Mind in itself works through friction and conflict that we perceive as our emotions and feelings and thoughts, inner conversations, backchat – therefore there was not going to be in any way a ‘mental health’ or stability possible as long as we would seek only to make people ‘happy’ and ‘positive’ and get their ‘motivation’ back up, which is why and how I always resisted having any support because it seemed to phony to just veer to the positive and ‘be happy’ while the reality that I was witnessing, was nothing but happy for everyone, was nothing but harmonious wherein I would witness a world that was existing in constant fights and problems with money, politicians, poverty, wars and all of this only meaning to me one thing: this world is crazy and so am I, within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of ‘the state of the world’ as a way to justify my experience as being ad hoc to the state of the world – madness, instability, depressio, crisis – hence the entire characterization of ‘the sensitive being’ that reacts to what others apparently would not see, and in this becoming even more self absorbed in my own emotional experiences about the world, linking that to ‘art’ and ending up victimizing myself, believing that ‘there is no way out, it’s the devil’s way now’ which is how I see obviously even the music that I would hear would support this entire ‘depressed’ character not because I was not being supported to live – that’s why it is the elitist character, because I was not suffering a physical life of Lack of money/ health/ poverty or abuse – but I was only focusing on cultivating these emotions and ‘sensitivity’ to the world as a point of self interest, because of having learned how ‘artists were sensible beings’ and I actually made people accept me as ‘different’ due to this so-called ‘sensitivity’ and ‘specialness’ that I built in within myself, getting completely in this character that was probably even ‘allowed’ to be alone, isolated, depressed because of the same character of which I also expected to make a ‘name’ of myself for,  and justify my non-compliance to the system as well as defending my ‘point of view’ to not even attempt to create a change within the system itself – in essence: the ultimate justification to Not stand up for my life and the life of this world in equality.

 

All the time that I only cultivated my personality, my inner conflict, my dissatisfaction with life, my helplessness, my worry, my concern, my sadness toward the world, my depression, my confusion about people, my judgmental experiences of opposition toward ‘the world system,’ my desires to just ‘fly away’ and be out of the system, desires to expose the ‘ugly through something beautiful’ in some form of expression were again only actions, words cultivating a character within me, wherein I was not actually willing to investigate my self-experience, my mind and How I had created it, but only ‘get the most of it’ and making it into an acceptable character in society which is why I veered toward arts/ humanitarian studies and ‘dissed’ my apparent potential to become something else because of getting into this ‘sentimental character’ that was apparently my ‘humane’ aspect to cultivate as ‘my real personality’ – thus

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to cultivate my emotions  in order to be on the side of those that were ‘alive’ and could see the world and be sad about it and depressed and feel ‘misunderstood,’ which became really just another self-interest game where I would only remain as a victim, living in constant drama and this belief of there being something ‘wrong’ within me because of not being ‘happy’ and ‘joyful’ naturally – without realizing that:

I had never in fact understood how the mind functioned and how even if I was addicted to feeling sad, sorry for myself, depressed and victimized all the way, is still the same as fixating on everything that is positive, happy and joyful that I criticized extensively in the past, which proves the ignorance toward our own mind wherein we believe that we are somehow being more ‘responsible’ for being sad/ gloomy/ angry at the world when it is just another way to focus on our own experience and not really at all looking at the world and realizing that there are solutions required that will not be solved with us ‘feeling bad’ about it, that’s just blatant self-interest and an actual defense mechanism to not become a sound being that can stand in the face of reality and take absolute self responsibility for ourselves/ the world here as breath, which is what I have realized within this process: we cannot sustain this self-interested experiences of ups and downs and seeking happiness or being subsumed in depressions- which is the same thing – but actually stop participating in all forms of energetic experiences and focus on integrating ourselves to our physical body here as breath, that does Not require to have a particular ‘stance’ toward the world as an experiencing ourselves to do, be, say and act toward what’s best for all.

 

I commit myself to expose how our energetic fixations of the mind as desires, wants and needs – as well as rejections, denials, suppressions – represent the ‘who we are’ as the mind that functions through energy, which is who we have become as consciousness and within this, exposing how we have diminished ourselves in the physical to these limited characters that fight and define one against the other with no ability to actually create solutions, stand up for that which matters, because we are so busy trying to sort out our inner experiences, without even looking at the consequences that are ensuing from such self-experience as a drug of the mind. And so

 

I commit myself to stop any mind fixation within me either perceived as positive or negative and any participation in the self-definition of who I have been as a point of  preference or habit in order to finally be able to stand as  a sound stable physical being that can be effective to be self directive, self-motivated to establish solutions in this world and stop wallowing in any form of self experience as the result of seeing ‘the state of the world’ as that is only but a mechanism of defense to continue existing as a mind that ‘feels’ and ‘becomes emotional’ but establishes no solutions to the problems we’ve created, which is our responsibility at all times.

 

I commit myself to expose how our ‘mental instability’ is nothing ‘out of this world,’ but the mechanism of how the mind works and for this, realizing that reducing ourselves to have some form of ‘mental instability’ is the ultimate self-incapacitation in order to believe that we are not ‘strong enough’ or ‘good enough’ or ‘capable enough’ to stand up to create solutions in this world.

 

I realize that the moment we focus on our mind problems/ inner experience, we absolutely miss out the reality that is here and this is how it is imperative for all of us to get to a point of constancy and consistency as the stability that we are able to all live by here as Breath, as life in the physical, so that we no longer get distracted by our energy fixes of the mind as ‘problems’ and ‘instabilities’ that are self created just as another attention diversion aspect within our worlds.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is only possible for us people that have enough food to eat, a place to live and education to be focusing on this ‘inner experience’ due to having ‘more time’ to spend wondering in the mind instead of being physically working and participating in activities that are related to actually contributing to life on Earth. This is how depression and any other form of mental instability that can be identified as ‘mental disorder’ hence an apparent  “drug-required disease,” is just another way to make money for the pharmaceutical companies that use this ‘weakness’ within the human mind in a capitalist world to believe that emotions and feelings are a disease that can be controlled or healed with chemicals/drugs, instead of actually investigating one’s life to see how these ‘disorders’ were entirely self created, accepted and allowed and as such take responsibility for them, in order to not only correct oneself in one’s living and physical stability, but also to support establishing conditions in this world through education and the necessary changes in the entire system so that whichever system-deficiency is able to be identified as a problem that propitiates this mental problems, we create a solution for, which implies the implementation of the Equal Money System to ensure that people are no longer subject to a survival mode that feeds this inner conflict of the mind, but instead we are able to focus on re-establishing our living conditions to that which is optimal and supportive to be Living in this world as physical beings and no longer existing of/ as friction and conflict in the mind, feeding each other’s mind-realities and instead, support each other to ground ourselves as the physical, stop living as characters and work together to create a world that is based on life in equality.

 

— I will continue with looking at how these energetic experiences of the mind as emotions and feelings causing inner conflict, were reduced to being ‘mental disorders’ of the mind wherein we made an illness of something that is each individual’s point of self responsibility to correct, stop and align to the physical living wherein the focus must always be to stand as beings that support life in Equality with All – and within this, for once and for all, stop supporting each other’s inner-instabilities as ‘who we are’ and dare to call that a human crisis instead of a human problem caused by ourselves and resolved by ourselves individually.

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225. Is Living Life about Getting High?

 

“So, if you Experience God – you can just as well go and take a Drug and you will have the Same Experience.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

How many times have we equated Life to Experience? Only all the time. It should be a frightening thought to realize that we’ve never lived and that everything that we had deemed as our ‘peak experiences’ have only been energetic – read Limited – experiences that define the totality of who we are for a few seconds, minutes, hours through perpetuating our day to day living as a life-long dedication to keep seeking the same ‘feeling’ which means being addicted our whole lives seeking that ‘something’ that we can call our ‘little peace of heaven’ – in our culture – read ‘collective indoctrination/ brainwashing – we have equated living life to getting the most experiences that we have deemed as positive such as happiness, love, peace, joy and money, which enables all of these experiences as the ability to buy them.

 

Elitist Character: Drug Culture – Introduction 

 

What I’ve realized throughout this process of self support through writing and understanding our human mind is that, no matter if you take what’s regularly known as ‘drugs’ or not: we are all addicts to Energy.

But what happens when you got the basics to live/ you got what you essentially NEED to have a proper life and you got some money to spare? Well, you certainly look for more and more ways to ‘fill in the void’ that is experienced every day, isn’t it? It’s as if the air we breathe, the body that keeps us living here is just ‘not enough’ and there’s this something that keeps tormenting us… is it really ‘the world’? is it really ‘’life’ that’s playing tricks on us? Not at all. It is the same with our current world system: Is the world/ life the problem in this world? Is it Us not being ‘good enough’? No, it is the money system that is the problem, and it’s not even ‘money’ in itself but the ways in which it has been set to work, this means: the Human Mind that has created the rules for it is the problem. Same goes for our lives – our body is perfectly functional by itself, it is only when we start THINKING instead of Living that all goes down the toilet down the pipelines of ‘shitty experiences’ such as emotions and temporary ‘positive thinking– fixes’ such as all of the above mentioned temporary ‘fillers’ to a life that I know, most are simply not ‘happy’ about, not that I would want to change your perspective on that either, however, we dug our own grave and we’re the only ones that can ensure we don’t actually remain there.

 

What  happens when you live in a society wherein the minutest displeasing experience such as sadness, depression, anxiety – which is Utterly misunderstood in this reality –  please listen to Mykey’s explanation on Anxiety – dread, fear or any regular lack of attention at work/school or just lack of  self motivation =  you can be sold a drug and ‘solve the problem’ apparently. Now, I would mostly discourage anyone from taking any form of drug, but I’m not here to put you out of your meds either. Just read and follow through the common sense and ‘hopefully’ you make a decision that is best for all, best for your pocket and gain some self respect with a sense of self responsibility.

 

Understand the following point: We live in a world wherein marketing is used to sell ‘ice to a Eskimo’ as it’s been said, however what happens when the ice is changed to drugs and the Eskimo is any regular person that may experience any ups-downs as a result of participating in the mind of thoughts, emotions and feelings?  Well, you got it. The person will buy drugs in order to solve what they believe is some from of ‘chemical imbalance’ – which is the usual drill propagated by well-paid psychiatrists to say the same over and over again and ending up hooking you up with Paxil, Xanax, Zoloft, Prozac or valium – among many others – oh and don’t forget your Tafil to sleep well.  The moment we Believe that there is an actual problem that can be cured with medicines, we are not only abdicating our responsibility to our mind and what we in fact created and participated in to create ‘our experience,’ but we’re also then choosing to begin supporting  an entire industry that is certainly willing to promote this type of symptoms to a position of ‘absolute illness,’ placing you in a ‘powerless’ position to do anything about it But taking this or that drug to solve it.

 

It is not a mystery that the majority of the population that have sufficient money to eat and live in a dignified manner, spends money on drugs to ‘feel better’ or regulate some form of ‘mental instability’ that has been entirely Self Created. But what is that ‘feel better’ been equated to? – Yes, the entire ‘Happiness’ Propaganda that’s part of this capitalist system – catch the drift? Is Happiness then an actual disease that should be promoted as the actual delirium that is causing people to believe there is something ‘wrong’ with them for not being ‘satisfied’ with their lives – yes, same as love.

 

 

We’re all fed up with buying, consuming, popping pills, rolling joints, seeking the next great thrill.

 

Have we stopped for a moment and look at all the people, beings, parts of our reality we’ve abused in order to satisfy our Wants, Needs and Desires? And that includes not only our external reality, but our own physical body, using and abusing its components as catalyzers to create energetic deliriums when being stimulated with external substances that are meant to fuel the mind only, they are Not in any way an actual indication of us Living Life. And looking outside of ourselves, you can look at all the violence and drug-trafficking problems that are related to drugs, which should Not exclude Alcohol of course. I mean the array of drug addictions can be extensive if we expand our level of awareness of that which alters our experience in the body and creating a form of addiction to it. There are gigantic industries being moved by this desire to ‘live life in peace’ through taking drugs – and for that I suggest you inform yourself with the documentaries:

 

Now, how come this form of  self abuse and self destruction became popular? It’s not about characters, people’s context or troubled lives – no, this is all about a ‘greater scheme’ that has always been invisible to us until today.  The more I understand how reality functions, the more I clarify and get proper in detail explanations about how our every single cell in the body functions, every atom, every thought, our entire mind, the different aspects each layer of the mind correspond to in our personal experience as the mind, understanding and getting to hear from animals themselves the actual IntelliSense they live as physical beings and how I can only laugh at our attempt as humanity to evolve, placing ourselves above a single blade of grass. I see that the first time I heard from Bernard that ‘a single blade of grass is more aware than the entire humanity as a whole’ I realized that we were truly blind.

 

 

Why is there all this emphasis on Needs, Wants and Desires everywhere in our reality? They are the key to keep us preoccupied in our minds, always in the NOW as Consciousness, as time bound to a past, future and a presence that is only here as a mind trying to ‘silence itself’ and ‘think positive,’ while the very desires of the so-called ‘rehabilitated presence’ have caused the most outrageous abuse on Earth, on each other – this is our responsibility, this is what we’ve all done to one another, this is the result of following our addictions – whatever they might be. As long as you’ve experienced a want, need and desire we can know one thing: we are not HERE breathing, we are only  keeping ourselves chained to the next fix like addicts we’ve become.

Is this life? No

Is this what our entire ‘effort’ is worthy of? No

Are we willing to face the truth of ourselves? Yes, as there is no other way to create solutions if the actual way of how the problems were created is not understood in the first place. For now I suggest investigating that which one can see is ‘living for’ on a day to day basis: are you here living as You for you to actually dedicate your life to become a human being that is worthy of living life through Becoming the living word as Life? or are you only here just ‘passing by’ and expecting to catch some ‘good ride’ so you can die with a full tummy and a mind gnawed with tons of ‘good times,’ even if your liver is destroyed by alcohol or your veins are rot with chemicals you pumped with pills on a daily basis –

 

Think about it: is popping a pill, rolling a joint, shooting up some coke, taking acids, or buying your regular drugs over the counter an actual Meaning of what it is to BE Alive and WELL? Why would anyone Require a Substance to LIVE other than the nutriments that are here as our food, the oxygen that we breathe, the water that we drink and the physical participation that proves that we are HERE. That is what the basics of living is about, now, our world is being run as a happiness machine that sells drugs – in legal and illegal ways – to keep humans busy with the delirium of ‘Happiness’ and that we have to be ‘happy’ all the fucking time. Is this real? No! It is just like selling ice to a Eskimo – it is selling you a well being that is Not an energetic experience but an actual equal and one self-realization of who you are As your physical body that Does Not require a stimulant/ drug to ‘be well.’

 

Drugs only work at a mind level – if the mind is a system that only works on energy resourced from your physical body/ substance/ life – then what does that indicate? Isn’t seeking happiness and joy and bliss then them same as saying ‘I require to get high to live’? – How could Anyone Claim to ‘Love Life’ if Life is being equated to love, happiness, joy, bliss or any other temporary mind-fix of energetic churning inside your body generated by a systematic set of rules in your mind that you’ve acquired from the media that you’re fed with from the moment you learn to sit up straight and get a TV in front of you.

Our great demise as humanity is living as Mind Systems instead of Physical beings of flesh and bones that care for each other as a one and equal organism. We’re living in the consequential outflow of an entire existential process of having existed as Energy-based beings instead of standing equal and one to life as who we really are.  This all may sound weird to you at first, but when you understand the following equation as our absolute mistake and misconception of equating life = experiencing positive/ negative energetic experiences, only looking after our Own Mind and our Own Benefit, disregarding the fact that such experience is only a mind-generated energetic fix and that in No Way contributes to an actual understanding of life-living, you can clearly see that we’ve fallen in the greatest trap of it all: equating life to energy, getting virtually addicted to energetic ‘positive experiences’ while the world falls apart where we simply continue shooting up the next happy pill, roll the next joint, pop in the next Prozac and pretend that everything is just fine.

 

There can be no more self interest lasting for long on Earth, we’ll have to work together anyways. I will continue to give a more personal experience on this process along with the tools of SELF Support to walk out of your beliefs of having to be ‘happy’ or else, you are Ill and Mentally Instable or having some form of ‘chemical imbalance of the neurotransmitters in the brain’  which is each psychiatrist’s punch line when you know next thing you’ll be handed a list of new ‘friends’ – read drugs – that will ‘help you out to cope with reality’ – never even bothering to warn you about it all being just another list of drugs that are sold in the street with non-marketing names. That’s what ‘finding god’ has been reduced to, there you go.

You decide whether you want to Live or Die.

I decided and also say the end of film cliché: Choose Life

 

— more to follow tomorrow

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224. Cultivate Your Personality: Human Egoism gone Mainstream

 

Elitist Character: Cultivation of Personalities – Self Corrective Statements and Realizations.

 

When you realize how one is the product of our society but society exists as ourselves, as our mind projected as a conglomeration of individuals that attest to one another’s existence in a world where life is sold, you realize that invariably so nothing of ‘who you are’ can be real if it is only the accumulation of knowledge and information lived out as ‘who you are’ – therefore any desire to cultivate our wits, our egos, our characters can only exist if there is Money to perpetuate such selfish endeavor. That’s what we’ve become, that’s the foundation of our economy, of politics and any form of education that we’ve supported as our basic instilling of personality-cultivation in order to succeed above others – so, winners and losers were part of the scheme then? Yes, and giving to the least fortunate ones ways to entertain themselves with things like religion/ spirituality and entertainment. It’s rather difficult to go to a remote community – at least in this country – where people might live in poor conditions and not see a TV in their home, unless of course there is non of that at all and then we would be speaking about real people in real conditions that are absolutely out of our ‘scope’ of information that exists only according to what ‘the media’ presents us. Our reality has become as big as our screens and that’s as far as we’ve gone in terms of creating ideas of what life should be. Isn’t that the most limited form of existence? It is.

 

We’ve been watching lots of Derren Brown videos and I saw within myself how it is rather naïve how as humans we defend this arrangement of data as knowledge and information so seriously as ‘who we are,’ we walk throughout our entire lives to somehow ‘find a purpose in life’ without really ever getting any unless one makes it and lives it out. How could it be real if in one moment a person could forget who they are as in their own name, their entire history and ‘who they’ve been’ for others as well? Who have we been living for, is this accumulation of events with imprinted emotions and feelings everything that we are? Just pursuing some form of personal satisfaction and that’s it?

If a Killer can be made, then how come we’ve built our ‘fascinations’ around that which is carefully crafted to become just another form of entertainment for the masses? You can watch Derren Brown – The Experiments: The Assassin

So far we’ve lived that way – and it is in moments like this when everything is placed into perspective and I can see the petty battles to let go of people, things, preferences, the entire ‘who I am’ as self-definition, as if I had signed a contract to marry the artificial idea of myself. What’s more important within this all is how we walk our entire lives seeking a ‘meaning to life’ and that’s when we get lost trying to find meanings in people, spirituality, drugs, relationships, sex, money, glory in some form or way. Is that living?  Seeking and seeking and finding the next greatest thrill? No.

 

If everything we’ve become as our characters/ personalities ends at death, how could that be ‘real’  as part of who we really are? It can’t – it is real as long as we enact it as hypnotized characters playing out instructions given by the tell-a-vision, but I’ve also proven to myself how I can stop following along with characters in one moment and within that it’s like an actor revealing he’s only an actor in the middle of a play = breaks the spell of whatever emotional-feeling continuum is taking place. Do I feel more dead? At times it may seem like that simply because I had defined everything I was to a constant and continuous energetic experience, just like I programmed myself to come home from school and get out of the intelligent-well-behaved-responsible character and become the other me that few people really knew and listen to music non stop and solace myself with images on the TV Screen. No wonder I chose images as a career, no wonder I came to be fascinated for the things I liked and no wonder till this day it’s been a process to stop generating any sense of energetic experience about all those things, however, they are only relevant as long as I allow myself to be ‘in character’ to perceive reality from such an energetic-visual scope of view, which is how I can realize then that

 

When and as I see myself reacting with an emotional or feeling experience toward anything/ anyone that I had defined and cultivated as part of my fascinations – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can only create an experience if I allow myself to be ‘in character’ to react to people, words, music, pictures, colors in a particular way that I programmed myself to react accordingly to. Thus, I understand that every time I play the character, I am not here, breathing as my physical body, and that any sense of nostalgia for the past that I perceived as ‘freedom and expression,’ has only been a set of preferences as knowledge and information that was available to me according to my social-status and money situation, to which I added/ imprinted a positive experience to, as a way to compensate for the dread of the days as my routine that I had defined as dull while growing up – missing out the actuality of living because all I knew was what I had and what I would see people would ‘live out’ as a meaning of ‘living’ – which is what was linked to libertinage, ‘expression’ in outrageous ways that were only possible due to money.

 

When and as I see myself seeking some form of stimulation either through visuals or sounds and or music videos for that matter in order to ‘relive’ an experience of the past – I stop and I breathe. I realize that I can hear the music however be breathing and enjoy it for a moment here, without downloading all the plethora of past-times as memories that I had programmed myself to always ‘remember’ in order to believe that ‘my life had been a Life’ according to the amount of knowledge, information and experiences I would be able to store as a point of self definition, as the character that I had committed myself to live-as for the rest of my ‘life,’  and I realize that none of that in fact defines who I am as all of that is not existent here when I am breathing in every moment as the physical being that I am.

 

 

When and as I see myself wanting to get a ‘fix’ of entertainment as I used to whenever I reach a point of dread within myself and seek to go to the ‘past’ as visuals, sounds, pictures to get that experience, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I have programmed myself to be constantly having a point to ‘look forward to’ in my life in terms of events, situations that would generate a certain ‘positive experience’ within me, and in this, never really living at all, but only perpetuating the basic mechanisms of self-indulgence wherein all that I cared for was ‘myself’ and that’s it. Nothing else mattered and no one else mattered but me, my entertainment, my infatuations, my own character evolution to get to be who I wanted to be, get the people that I wanted to be with and have everything that I had deemed as ‘my happiness’ – while doing everything I could to continue cultivating my personal satisfaction while In-Character.

 

I realize that if I had been a kid in a situation of poverty, I would have not known at all of any of the things that I became infatuated with, as well as those that I sought to deliberately oppose/ antagonize as a form of self definition. I Realize that the CULTivation of Personalities is only existent as a convenient entertainment mechanism in order to maintain individuals within this internal and external pursuit of happiness, while  maintaining and supporting the configuration of society  in a way wherein such happiness can be bought through products, artifacts, and expressions that are also the result of the same limited view upon life, which makes us ponder: how in any way could we speak about culture being important to humanity if everything that it’s been based on is  existent within this limited scope of who we are as Our Minds as the ‘intelligence’ that we believe is superior to all other beings while neglecting the reality that we are as our very own physical bodies and physical reality that is here regardless of us ‘thinking’ about it?

 

I see, realize and understand that I fell for the trick to ‘cultivate my personality’ and enter within a secret race to be the best, the most original/ authentic/ outrageous/ intelligent being that could be glorified for this lifelong achievements of accumulating knowledge and information within particular ‘sectors’ in our reality defined as ‘culture’ and within that, be recognized as ‘someone’ more than the rest, which indicates that everything that I made myself keen on was always having a point of self interest that lead to the same cultivation, accumulation and ‘capitalization’ of myself as a character that could be sold to any corporation or cultural institution as an ‘eminence’ for having had such a ‘fascinating innate taste for arts’ which was in fact not so, I did it all myself of course in an attempt to create a sense of specialness within me when compared to my peers – and that was it.

 

When and as I see myself seeking to validate my past according to what I know, what I own, who I have been, the people I’ve met, the places I’ve been to, the preferences I cultivated, the ‘achievements’ I had in order to create an idea of ‘having lived a life,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that all of that can be gone in one second and still would not define ‘who I am’ at all, as who I am is here  as the physical body that is not defined any longer by a past lived as a series of characters shaped, formed, molded and adapted to what the entire configuration of our society/ world-system is based upon.

 

I realize that every time that I am able to stop myself from perpetuating the past as who I am in every moment, I am able to stop feeding the characters and the entire world-system wherein we always would end up seeking/ asking for ‘more’ in one way or another – hence it is a red flag point: when and as I see myself seeking for ‘something’ or ‘someone’ to get  a sense of fulfillment going into memories and pictures/ experiences of the past, I realize that I am not here as breath, but that I am only seeking to relieve an energetic experience that I can simply decide to stop in one single moment and step out of the mind character to focus on the physical reality that is here for me to participate in.

 

I commit myself to expose how culture as we know it has been the key to create a sense of ‘pride’ and ‘superiority’ as species within humanity wherein we’ve only elevated our egos to semi-god statuses for having being able to create such ‘marvels’ that we’ve defined as artistic expressions, but, has any of that in any way really supported who we are as physical living human beings? No.  Hence the necessity to stop deifying ourselves as our own grandiose life-stories of past events as ‘who we’ve been’ and start committing ourselves to get educated on everything we’ve missed and neglected while being infatuated and occupied in cultivating characters of limited and contrived expressions that were meant to be sold to the greatest bidder, feeding a system of abuse and greed as the highest acts on Earth.

 

I commit myself to clarify how none of our current ‘fascinations’ or cultural fetishes would exist if there was no media apparatus within our world-system, and that we would not have been continuing seeking for more and more ways to exploit this ego-social system, if we had not all been ‘globalized’ through our current means of communication which should and must exist for the purpose of getting to know each other, support each other to stop existing as characters that consume life, get to a point of self realization of the responsibility we hold toward each other and our reality and all the beings that we’ve affected the lives of in our path to this egoification of reality, and start living a process of self-correction in order to recognize once again what to Live in fact a  life in Equality.

 

What’s the point in feeding each other’s obsessions but a form of emotional/feeling dependence that leads us all to a point of madness in reality, the moment we’re not able to continue fueling and fulfilling such paltry experiences that exist Only in our minds. I Look at the reality that we’ve become: the media, the showbiz, the money biz, the politics, the laws, the culture, the insanity and all of it is simply pointing out: Red Flag, this is about to crash and burn, step out of it as soon as you can – however, we cannot step out/ escape from the system because we are it to the extent wherein it is stored in our very flesh and muscle tissue in our physical body, still defining who we’ve become until we decide to completely walk a process of self forgiveness and self corrective application in order to stop participating in such self-conditioned ways of ‘living’ which have never been life in fact.

 

The current dissatisfactions, frustrations, voids and giving up experiences that lead us to seek more ‘exciting ways’ of entertaining our lives, is only an elitist act that we ‘e indulged ourselves in as an actual luxury of being able to evolve our characters with weirder and more ‘specialized’ preferences as long as we have the basic needs at our reach. If we had no money, our lives would be different, I would not be writing here about me and my glorious past, but would be working 16 hours a day to make a living in the poorest conditions – or maybe even worse. And this is how it is only us that have the time and resources that must make a stand to stop feeding any form of self-consumption through the glorification of the go, but instead form part of the solutions required to be implemented in this world, wherein the lives of the people that Do have to work 16 hours a day is no longer part of the enslavement that we’ve accepted and allowed and neglected while pursuing our own happiness – it is our responsibility to speak up for those that Really in fact don’t have a voice.

 

Is ‘culture’ something that is available to All human beings? No – hence can it represent humanity in any way? No.

 

We’ve been liars and deceivers building a rosy type of reality upon the actual suffering and abuse that billions of beings are going through on a daily level – yet we filled our lives with depressions, fascinations, anger, frustrations, boredom and dullness as well as self hatred for being having just about a perfect normal life with little to worry about in terms of physical well being. It reveals to what extent we’ve taken life for granted, and to what extent we have only lived as characters in our minds, disregarding everything and everyone else.

 

I commit myself to expose the realities we’ve ‘lived’ at an individual level from the starting point of self-importance, self-interest and the ultimate cultivation of our own ego to remain divided and secluded in our pursuit-of-happiness bubbles we’ve defined as ‘our lives’ and ‘who we are.’

 

This is not living. Yet we are alive as our physical body breathing here can indicate us – hence there is some serious self-reflection to do in order to align ourselves to a physical definition of ‘Living Life’ and In Fact start focusing on that which requires our immediate attention, dedication and intervention, to first wake up from these mass hypnotic act we’ve all participated blindly in, and start waking each other up and step into the realization that: nothing and no one will change if we keep quiet about this, about what we are now realizing has been a lie supported by all and affecting all equally to detrimental positions that we are currently living in.

We are the only ones that can stop ourselves in every moment that we decide to breathe instead of being in character and focus on that which actually matters in our own individual realities and the world as a whole – it is only through deliberate care that we can in fact step out of the mass-media conditioning we’ve adopted as our ‘lifestyles,’ and realize that we can only continue living if we snap out of our own mass hypnosis and care to become actual living breathing beings.

 

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Tunnel Vision – 2012

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222. Insanity as Libertinage

Are our preferences and personalities a free willed/ free choice act?

What we’re currently witnessing as all things ‘rebellious’ now being absolutely ‘In’ and ‘cool’ is the product of massive brainmediawashing that has lead toward a more ‘open and free’ society, apparently, with lots of free choice and free will and money to spend on buying all of that, of course. This being lead by head-spears of the world system that we’ve come to easily glorify as artists/actors and any other media-person that we’ll end up knowing have severe ‘mental problems’ and take this or that medication.  What I’ll describe here is how something that was part of a ‘greater scheme’ to expand society’s morality to a point of non-morality which meant a similar thing to ‘free market’ speaking in economic terms, came to be part of what I had also adopted as ‘part of my personality’ with preferences/ fascinations or anything else I could entertain myself with, not realizing that what I was witnessing through the screen of my TV was a deliberate act to indoctrinate people to remain as programmable as possible to focus on that which would become the greatest diversion tactic ever promoted in a massive global scale: entertainment industry – and in my case, music and to be specific what became labeled as ‘pop culture’ no matter what music genre you would listen to.

 

The after effects of this open promotion of the ‘push boundaries,’ go ‘insane,’ be wild, be outrageous, just do it characters was both an consequential outflow of the point we’re facing as humanity that have longed for any form of evolution for too long with no result at all – obviously – while portraying that ‘chaos’ within arts and music – but really within everything and everyone, all people that grew up with a sense of this outrageous fame-and-fortune advertised as freedom, becoming the new standard of aspirations for the new generations. But it happens to be that,  taking drugs and a world that was kept ‘secret’ or as a hidden ‘known fact’ went mainstream, which is then not something new but again, I can definitely witness some serious ‘upgrade’ from the type of music videos I watched in the 90’s and all these still underground scenes like raves to what is going on now, wherein you don’t require to hide the fact that you’re on some sort of medication, taking illegal drugs and using them in any regular party, no need to create any rave-like paraphernalia any more.

 

All of this is pointing out toward a massive dumbification and sedation of young generations that are supposed to be the ‘future of our world.’ It is seriously a point to be concerned with, I don’t have TV at the moment because a lightning killed it –lol – but if you have the opportunity to watch MTV just take a look at what kids are watching, because I was one of those kids that age 7 was already watching stuff that defined a Lot of what I became, the decisions I made, what I ‘thought’ myself to be and what I believed were my ‘true desires’ which were not, they were just an outflow of picturing myself as an artist/ rockstar like person or at least a writer that would be part of the entourage, handing out with musicians, which is what I sort of did for a while – and yes if you watch the move ‘almost famous,’ that was kind of part of my dream as well.  Was there any free will or free choice in this? No, I thought I had so by ‘choosing’ to watch this but it’s really not so when I only had a limited amount of channels and a limited desire to go beyond anything that I could fetch on my TV for years. It is irrelevant at this stage to only see the TV as the main problem, really,  one way or another, no matter what I would watch, I would have to face the same point of brainwashing just by being part of this society, since people in our reality seem to be ‘coming out of the screen’ nowadays, and that’s what shocked me the most or at least it became more and more obvious in the past decade.

 

 

 

What do we have then for the topic here? Making suicide, insanity, mental instability and outrageous acts a normal thing for your regular person. Was it really so? I got my perspective on that and as anything in this world, there are juicy interests behind. All in the name of ‘free entertainment that oozed libertinage.’ So this is where we’re headed, but let’s see how I got into this whole thing in quite a well masked way believing that I was somehow ‘being different’ than the rest of the world – lol.

 

In the previous post I walked some early memories related to my first encounter with the concepts pointi7ng out insanity/ craziness – this was from as far as I could remember till age 7. I explained about anger / temper tantrums and how that 1was linked to me being seemingly crazy – which was just a word that I would hear and got used to linking it to this outrageous behavior that I concluded, was mostly a way to instigate conflict and antagonism toward my mother as the representation of the authority in my world. 

 

Now, as a side note: This is an important aspect to consider within anyone reading these series. This is an exploration of how I shaped the meaning of the word crazy/insane based on what I would do/ live out in my life and would end up being called ‘crazy’ for doing that – really, all based on becoming a character that could constantly trigger some reaction within others, mostly, for the sake of my own benefit as in having the power to make others react. Hence it is not the actual full psychological meaning of it that would dimply an actual requirement for a mental treatment of sorts – even if I will explain later on how someone I met became all possible disorders by his own ability to tell stories that he knew the psychiatrist would be willing to play-along with for the sake of psychiatrist selling him drugs, parents being ‘happy’ for having their son ‘on treatment’ and this guy being ‘happy’ for getting the drugs he wanted on a legal manner. That’ll come in posts later on.

 

veruca salt-  seether

 

For now I will continue with the following years  which I’ll identify from 7 – 14 and my relationship to craziness – and all I can see is more deliberate acts and attitudes that would instigate any minute reaction from people around me, it became part of the entertainment, yes, but also the introduction to media. With having the platform of ‘me being crazy’/ called crazy according to my parents and already having built this antagonism and deliberate acts of ‘random madness’ you know, the ‘nice crazy’ wherein you just frolic around and do nonsense and I would get called crazy. Obviously this is the ‘nice story’ told by me as the mind that had built this story so nicely to justify my character, hence I am over generalizing on the ‘crazy’ point, but that’s mostly the point within this all, how I built it myself, not really about ‘my  mother’ or father per se.

 

Well, I found a similar expression later on when watching MTV, and watching Kurt Cobain just running around or any other rockstar of that time doing ‘random acts of madness’ – lol.  I mean, it’s hard to not look into how I conditioned myself to be all ‘rebellious’ and breaking the norms if all I would watch were these people on MTV acting all ‘weird,’ with deliriums of grandeur, trashing backstage places, drinking, getting high, going ‘crazy’ on stage and me just wondering Wow how come there’s not people like THEM around me? lol – this was when I was 7 years old and on, obviously feeding that type of behavior at home with my particular  family-situation – which is no different to any other ‘family situation’ I must stay – made me into a ‘rebellious act’ of sorts, justified by my father because he had been a ‘musician’ on his own way – much mellower lol – but still he supported my ambitions to become learn how to play the guitar, and that went on for a while. But the truth is, the most I liked about music was not really playing it, but the whole attitude. And why’s that: freedom and expression – which are the points I linked to Craziness/ insanity, linked to my fascination and almost devotion for music, again linked to that sense of freedom, expression and insanity – lol as I wrote insanity the thought of Gene Simmons came to mind, figure that out. 

 

Courtney Love - Violet

 

 

As I write all of this it is impossible to not see the face of people like Courtney Love and many other ‘riot girls’ that I grew up watching and that I have for sure written about  Day 24: Supervixen and Day 60: Femme Fatale « but I also obviously had all these males on the screen just going being overtly ‘expressive’ but also being seemingly ‘crazy looking’ or just ‘plain crazy’ See the action would unfold as follows: I would be sitting on the couch watching MTV doing homework or just watching TV and people would walk by the TV room – which almost became my room – and they would take a look at what I was watching and would simply stare at the screen, then look back at me with this face of utter disgust like ‘do you like watching this?’  and so I would nod my head happily because hey, they liked all that ‘mellow’ music, I was into something real ‘badass’ and so it made me special to like crazy people on the TV Screen. They would just make a sign with their finger, making circles around their ear as in saying ‘you are fucking crazy.’ Which would then fuel up my desires to actually Be so, because: hey this is making Me different from THEM, awesome! Let’s keep pushing the envelope. Obviously I didn’t say the last phrase but just to place into context how I would go escalating my fascinations, just because I knew that my sisters would never be able to ‘match’ this, nor was it common for a girl liking this metal and before that grungy music, which also later on became interests that lead me to aspire relationships with older people into this world, which then became a reality, but that’s another story.

 

Marilyn Manson Tourniquete

 

It becomes almost impossible not to point out the person that caused the most shock within me turning into a fascination later on, which was Marilyn Manson and the moment I watched that video Tourniquete in 97, which was about the same time that I got to now of yet another suicide – after I had been aware of Kurt Cobain’s suicide in 94 and it seemed like a ‘common thing’ among artists after I had known of other people committing suicide or ending up dead by overdose – this time it was Michael Hutchence’s death by autoerotic asphyxiation, which obviously to me was like a ‘say whaaaat?’ at that time, I simply did not get it until much later… and then other deaths followed like Lane Staley from Alice in Chains, drug overdose and various other ‘drug stories’ that would go on as if within the art/music scene, being on drugs was the same as ‘going to school’ for a regular person in this world. Well, they all ended up like a hero of sorts, so to me it was like ‘ok people like these people that committed suicide, wtf – but, oh well they were too sad about the world, okay.’ Which is a proof of how I was already beginning to create an ‘appropriate’ link of insanity + drugs = acceptance in society, expression, ultimate stardom and then a rushed death, which as any human being became another ‘fascination’ due to the fear that we actually have toward it.

 

There were other points I later on started becoming aware of like serial killers and demonic possessions on the discovery channel, which also ‘fascinated me’ for the actual level of ‘I can’t believe it’ that they produced within me. Then I became aware of people like Timothy McVeigh – the ‘American Domestic Terrorist’ –  for some reason it stuck within me,  probably because it was my first understanding of what a terrorist attack was. I mean I had heard parents say ‘wars were perpetrated by fucking crazy people’ but till then I didn’t know that people would act alone and deliberately kill or bomb entire buildings and have a name for that: terrorism. Well duh, how come we have become so ‘fascinated’ with serial killers =  they represent a great level of fear for the actions that your neighbor next door could actually be scheming out against you/ the community in their own homes. Lots of fear – perfect mass control. What have we done as society? We’ve turned it into a Fascination and dare I say even a marketing point without even then really looking at what the fuck we are actually worshiping:  Please read the entire series:

Day 64: International Crime Research: Serial Killers, Mass Murderers and Sociopaths Part 1

 

I say marketing because there are these exhibitions of serial killers that get a LOT of visits = lots of cash simply because of telling you all the story of ‘the most famous serial killers,’ without having a clue of how it all actually worked and how it was true that most of the time, the killers would not be aware because it was all a product of Demonic Possessions – all explained by Mykey in the series: Demons in the Afterlife.

 

What’s more interesting within this all is that I had never a real encounter/ contact with an actual crazy person or any form of severely deranged person such as a serial killer or anything like that, nor someone that had actually been declared crazy and locked up in a mental hospital. I only created a ‘fascination’ toward it because of the fear that I initially experienced about it, not being able to ‘understand’ people’s behavior and what could lead them all to take themselves to the verge of self destruction in all possible ways, yet seen as ‘fun’ and acceptable in society. Same with mass murders,  self-condemning themselves to the electric chair and these demon possess people – all of it just brewed into my definition of insanity that became a fascination, a desire to understand it or even live it out to see ‘what it was like’ at last, because… well the aspect of an artist/ musician being considered as ‘eccentric’ and ‘special’ lead me to want to be just like them and not having to ‘behave’ like everyone else in society – or around my world to be precise – and yes, guess what? Any initial desires I had to study or become someone quite active within the world system vanished over time. Why would that be? Was I getting too immersed in the realm of the ‘intangible’ as music, arts and all that nice intellectual atmosphere?  Yes. 

 

 

What can I conclude from this

 

1. Being rebellious, daring, aloof, expressive, transgressive, and essentially high on drugs was what everyone was deeming as ‘cool’ in our society. Fascinating, isn’t it? I grew up with that – what shaped my view of the world/ people – was it really Me? No, of course not. It was MTV mostly at that time in my life, because I had really no ‘friends’ that were into it and my ‘best friends’ at the time were two girls that I am thankful got me into playing games and actually being outside and away from the TV Screen. But whenever I was not with them, I was just imprinting all these characters in an almost obsessive manner, in a non-stop manner. Everything that I had become before beginning this process was just a self-cooked version of all of this information into my own mix of ‘outrageous goodness,’ I was ‘hitting my dreams’ by the time I got to Desteni, it was a ‘tough decision’ to give it all up for a moment, but eventually I knew I had to do it. I would have definitely regretted not doing so out of fear of losing my ‘carefully lengthy built personality,’ because I was quite specific and so I ensured I would take all the bits I liked from people and made them ‘my own,’ acting like them, being like them, deliberately. I thought it was a ‘free willed’ act, lol – not really as we can see, all part of the same drill leading to remain within the frameworks of this current world-system, screaming out fears but never doing anything about it.

 

2. The definition that I held of ‘crazy’ was simply another act linked to ‘freedom’ and any other form of ‘anti-establishment’ that I perceived in all these madness acts by artists, which meant a ‘revolutionary act’ that I later on got to know of had been brewing ever since, according to pop culture, Elvis had rocked his bottom in suggestive ways on TV and had gotten banned for that. I later on grew up watching people throwing themselves over drum sets, drinking, vomiting, being almost naked, taking tampons off on stage and anything else that I could ‘swallow’ within all the pages of magazines wherein I learned what being a ‘rockstar’ meant – lol, I obviously wanted to tag along, which became a fascination out of the sense of freedom these people represented – lot of drug names were given, but I wasn’t really paying attention to that. At that time, it was all about the words, behavior, the image, the style, the music, lyrics, music videos, shocking onstage performances, being absolutely wasted as the ultimate cool, flipping the finger toward the government and organizing ‘freedom concerts.’ This is what was ‘into’ then as well, a delirious sense of ‘freedom’ as an energetic experience that I became hooked on, wanting to enact it all later on in my real life.

Now, you catch the drift?

….. this will continue with Self Forgiveness and Self Correction to see how everything that I deemed as ‘my preferences/ my fascinations’ were only a product of another mass-brainwashing campaign that I took part of, seeking to ‘escape the system’ and never even ‘bother’ to do some real changes in this world, and that’s a fact as I lived that out for quite a while, pursuing my ‘lifestyle’ mimicking what I had been ‘educated’ with on TV throughout late childhood and teenage years.

 

My suggestion is to observe your own life in relation to media, see what types of preferences you had, your ‘personal idols,’ what did they represent to you that you were not able to live out yourself, if you were exposed to some role model in your early days, then see where you stand toward that particular person nowadays. I see it is vital to understand that we’ve never really made a single choice by ourselves and that it is thus of utmost importance to debunk our entire ego, as we never know what we might still be ‘holding on to’ which is linked to just another massive mechanism we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be conditioned by without seemingly ‘knowing’ so, but certainly still defining ‘who we are’ as a point of limitation, which is a problem and we’ll walk the solutions in posts to come.

 

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220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

Perfect Elitist Enslavement with a belief of Freedom.

A branch of the Elitist Character is being able to form/ mold/ shape your ‘personality’ with traits of Your Choice – lol – which is the choice that money is able to spare when you have your life essentially ‘solved’ to not be begging for money on the streets or working and actually ‘earning your money.’  I’m going to be writing about what came to be a mix of an elitist-intellectual-revolutionary/antagonist/libertine character that was mostly sought to be ‘lived’ within my life through and as this kind of fascination to become ‘acculturated’ in the drug scene. Yes, in common sense, a person that is barely able to make money to live cannot possibly suddenly be trying to be fascinated by the effects that chemicals create inside your body, trying to reach some form of bliss/ enlightenment with particular substances, read books and information about it, watch movies on the topic or just hold on a continuous habit of indulging in them, which obviously requires one to have More money than the required to Live in order to pay for pills/ drugs to make You Happy. This is depicted quite well in a book by Brett Easton Ellis Less than Zero.

 

I went to the supermarket yesterday and noticed three guys being quite excited about getting a bottle of Jack Daniels while overhearing one of them saying ‘this place should be run by someone like my dad,’ complaining about the ‘slowness’ of the service to get the bottle, which was barely a 3 minute wait. I could imagine/project or almost predict their entire evening with a bottle of Jack Daniels, most likely ending up puking it out on the toilet, feeling like shit the next day and going with a massive hangover to their top-elitist university nearby. Yes, this is a ubiquitous pattern nowadays, a ‘lifestyle,’  and no it is not criticizing or judging it, this is what we have become: once you have money to cover your basic needs, You SEEK for something more than surviving – because that is already covered.

 

So this is an aspect of the elitist character, because there are many other conditions that lead to drug consumption, which is also the opposite polarity of poverty, which you can read her Huffing makes me Forget My Tummy Aches” based on the street kids that sniff cement or glue in order to mitigate hunger – as well as the toxic paint Romanian kids would sniff in that documentary that I also recommend watching if you haven’ Children Underground. That’s another point to walk in itself, but what I’ll share is from the perspective/ side I got to live in and be most ‘acquainted’ with – so to speak.

 

Drug Culture

I made up a conclusion of why Black Metal/ Death Metal brewed mostly in Scandinavian countries – later on in a then flourishing/stable America – that have the best and most stable economy and general well-being, in which I created a hypothesis that because everything was just ‘too fine’ and ‘happy’ in their world, they had to create some form of opposition to balance out the dread of having everything being seemingly fine inside, but the hell inside was not sorted out, as well as becoming aware of the obvious disparity it is to live in a ‘First world’ like that and having wars, poverty, starvation, abuse in any other place in the world;  yes, it is enough to already label us all Mad people to not see the obvious polarized ‘nature’ we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.  This is a similar point in our capitalist societies wherein we are absolutely living in a virtual world wherein things like Depression and Social Phobia have become a lifestyle – and I realize it’s not only a past-century thing, it’s always existed in humanity and the ‘crazy’ people were mostly out skirted in order to not cause any problems to the so-called healthy rest of the population – you can read that in ‘Stultifera Navis’ the First Chapter in Michel Foucault’s Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason. (1988) wherein madness was certainly something that should be kept ‘away’ – nowadays, we’ve embraced it and called it a lifestyle fueled with designer drugs. Wow, really, wow. And why? Because Drugs = Addictions = Constant and Certain Profit Making = Lots of Money.

All of this is mixed into a cultural set of identification to a form of escapism due to how Alienated we’ve become from any form of actual understanding of how everything that enables life to be Lived is produced, what it is to work on our own sustenance. Instead we have focused on and then focusing on things that will give you a mental high in the comfort of your 4 walls room, which is how the majority of people are living as in this world.

I remember when going to the family doctor when I was a child, he would always have all these pens, notepads, rulers, sticks for your tongue and virtually everything plastic made around the area had names of medicines on them. I am sure you are quite aware of this and I questioned it at the time and my mother explained how the companies would give the doctors money/ commissions if they would sell a particular brand of medicine. I took it as normal since it was quite obvious that we were being sold many things all over the place, so it seemed when simply becoming aware of all the billboards on the streets and the suggestive ways in which to BUY our happiness, our health, our improvement, our sanity.

 

This morning I began hearing more than watching The Marketing of Madness  and I say I begun because I’ve barely gotten to the 3rd part out of 18, but as I was hearing, all this entire network of information was suddenly here for me to realize that I must now write about this. Why? I have had a strange fascination for drugs and madness and this goes as far as when I was a little girl and they would joke-threat me to take me to the Batán, which is/was the most well known mental hospital in a smaller city nearby where I lived. Why? I just liked playing crazy, it became a form of entertainment that’s for sure, it was something staged in order to attract people’s attention, well to freak out my parents and sisters mostly.  To me insane people were quite ‘free’ according to my schemes, which is what mostly fascinated me – why? Hell, All I know is that from the moment I got cable TV – as I’ve mentioned several times in the past, it was the ‘opening of myself to the world’ at the key-point age of 7 years old, I was more aware of the eccentricity of musicians and I would definitely always hear around the house how ‘artists take drugs / get high to look so careless/ free/ expressive’ which is what to everyone’s eyes would Justify their behavior as ‘careless’ = free.  Before that, just playing ‘crazy’ was something that could give me a thrill for doing something ‘out of the ordinary’ which I’ll open up in posts to come.

 

This is quite an extensive topic that I’ve been writing about here and there throughout this process, but it’s been not that long ago when I was busy with some other character that this entire insanity-point came up again, along with realizing the fascination I had with certain ‘alternative cultures’ based on what I grew up reading, watching on TV, learning from ‘artist’s biographies’ of how most of them had some form of insanity, drug addiction or plain disturbance, which is how I almost lead myself to touch upon those fields within a self-aware act of investigating madness and drugs, then defining all of this to be of my preference/likeness = self brainwashing. Why would that be? again, for the reason that I had the time, had the money to not be living only on survival mode and explore my own ‘personal fascinations’ for a while, enough time to now be able to write about everything that I saw, witness, tried out and have realized now when it comes to see how everything that I had thought to be quite a ‘rebellious act’ of the type of stuff that I was into/ that I liked, came to be just another polarity in the system that required my courageous fascination with things that I deemed as ‘forbidden’ in order to entertain myself further, leading me then into spirituality/ seeking god and wanting to mix both. I mean I was quite into researching DMT and Entheogens and all these ‘awakening’ procedures as well as the effects LSD had to ‘see beyond the veil’ and whatnot. My experimentation was not to get Lost or evade my reality, but to find some form of ‘divinity,’ lol this is the ultimate mindfuck that anyone can fall for in this world wherein you can buy anything you want, give it a meaning and call that a talisman for protection – same with drugs:  take it, feel good, realize that you re not ‘mad’ or ‘crazy’ but just an ‘Awakened’ person, yep and there you go: specialness + drugs + money + boredom = perfect slaves on drugs – or as Thom Yorke would write ‘a pig in a cage on antibiotics.’

 

Now, the personal endeavor to write about this is because I immediately noticed there were still reactions when hearing all these drug names, all the movies, books, relationships came to mind and I realized that I had not opened this point up mostly as a point of reservedness and morality according to how it would be seen as ‘insane’ to have some fascination for madness and drugs – both together were like a perfect cocktail for self-debauchery, that is quite ubiquitous in our current culture/ media, which is where I got it all from in the first place. Idolizing junkies is precisely not what I would want to continue perpetuating as a fluffy reaction within me – yes, there are feelings attached to this entire topic – why? That’s what I will find out as I continue writing here – a sense of freedom in a constrictive world? A sense of ‘limitless expression’?  As a result of writing out this, I experimented for sure that there are threads to be walked in order to stop keeping this fascination as part of my little-secrets to keep this bit of a world that I still wanted to be defined by, somehow, because of the entire participation in emotions and feeling when touching upon all things madness, drugs, eccentric behavior and the ‘inextricable human mind,’ which is part of my ability to now be quite thankful to Understand my Mind and be aware of how one can virtually pick any point of fascination according to what one is exposed to, and use it only as a constant point to re-fuel an energetic relationship toward it. This entire aspect is one of those parts of a personality that I became quite infatuated with while developing my emotional/ feeling body, so this is relevant, absolutely relevant to walk.

 

So, I’ll continue with going sharing part of the personal story and writing out Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Realizations about such ‘fascinations’ as mere treats for the mind, which certainly must be stopped so that I expose the entire thing for what it is: just another way to entertain ourselves and pay for it while becoming ‘hooked on drugs’ which is virtually getting ‘hooked on Energy’ wherein the Mind is the only one that benefits.

 

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213. Opinionated Elitism: Intellectual Prickism

Revolutionary –Elitist Character – because all worry and concern about the system was not self-honest, but rather aiming at personal glory.

Continuation of the Elite Character

The Revolutionary Character:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I required a reason to stand up for life in equality as in having a particular ‘bad life’ or suffering in order to advocate a world system that will ensure all living beings are supported for life and in this, believe that any form of suffering was necessary for us to stand up, without realizing that such suffering, struggle and abuse has been he direct outflow of our own accepted and allowed existence in selfishness, self interest and utmost greed that leads to the negligence of other beings as ourselves, which leads to accepting and allowing a reality of abuse and neglect, simply because we were not apparently directly affected by it, when the reality is that we all are aware at some level of everything that goes on in this world, and that no matter how hard we try to ‘make our lives work’ and ‘try to make it’ in this world, we will never get to an actual state of well being unless we change the system that is currently fostering the conditions of abuse as a means to survive.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to comply and form my judgment about reality based on ‘critical opposition’ to a system that I thought had to ‘work for us’ no matter what, without ever questioning why it is that the only civil-obedience act that I would know of was paying for taxes and voting for political representation, never actually realizing that this world is the way it is because we have all collectively agreed to the non-sensical rules and regulations as ‘laws’ that are only benefitting a minority of the population that lives in opulence, while the majority  is neglected and side viewed by any form of human-rights and laws that could guarantee the general well being of mankind as equals, though because this would imply having no ability to abuse and exert power over someone that isn’t forced to ‘make a living’ to get by and survive, we simply agreed that living in optimum conditions would mean having to work/ having to have a constant struggle to ‘make it’ in this world, accepting this as the general imprint we grow up as children, always aiming at ‘getting better/ progressing/ developing’ but always witnessing things only going wrong, bad, corrupted, failing and within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to start conforming to an apathy and general mocking of our politics and governmental systems due to believing that they were the only bad guys creating the problems I was witnessing in my environment as the country and the world, and that we, the people, had to ‘fight for our rights and be heard,’ generating an entire energetic personality of constant opposition, criticism, wanting to hoard as much knowledge and information about the world as possible so that I could ‘defend’ myself when being asked about my opinions about politics, economics and social matters. I realize that in this all I was not In fact looking at the actual reality of people, but mostly being entertained by numbers, graphics, pictures that I would see in the media in order to create a particular Experience about ‘how bad, how wrong and twisted the world is’ without ever even questioning my own participation within it as an equal-part that is responsible for Everything that goes on in this world, no matter what I do or what I don’t do, the sheer fact that we are living beings is already indicating that we have all tacitly agreed with the current ways the system works – and within that, any form of change cannot come only from a new system in place, but must be In place through our individual change and self correction within the understanding of what it is that Life must be as What is Best for All.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to for a while not question my reality further because of seeing that ‘out of my reach’ and seeing the understanding of how money works, how money is created and what the devaluation of our currency meant – beyond just ‘erasing’ three zeros’ – and simply brush it aside as if it was something that had ‘nothing to do with me’ at the moment. Not realizing that everything that was making my life work was not out of ‘nowhere’ but money that is what enabled me to continue living and being educated and existing only seeking for my own benefit, because it is quite clear how if I had any form of physical struggle to get money as in not having enough money, I would have questioned my  reality further  – yet I used the reality, the knowledge and information for my own benefit as a way to make myself ‘knowledgeable’ and what I’ve been tagging as ‘system savvy’ in order to perpetuate the intellectualism of the problems in the world to have interesting ‘talks’ with other people that would seem ‘equally interesting’ to me to do so, and within this never really actually SEEING the problems we were speaking about as the actual reality of people, but were only using it as a way to show off knowledge and information, have long talks over coffee and ‘plot’ some amusing plans to ‘overcome the system’ that would go no further than just that, talking and having no inkling of an actual plan, way and method to in fact create a change in this world – thus, my concern about the system must be seen not as an actual act of caring, but was also imprinted with my desire to start making a name for myself in order to get to be part of the Intellectual-Elite that could talk about the problems in the world and earn great money out of it. (Read: 207. Changing the World in Self Interest)

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to be ‘informed’ from an early age about what was happening in the world, but this was all based within self interest as in having the ability to Know more about the world, to be quite the ‘exceptional child’ that would not be amused by ‘childish games’ but would act as an adult in order to seem special and within this,once again, building up a point of specialness, superiority and recognition over time in order to get to be ‘the most’ everyone told me I could be, which became then an over-confidence as an Experience based on me being ‘opinionated’ and having ‘critical views’ on the world early on, which made me feel good when people would be amazed of my wits and knowledge and information, never really in myself even considering how what I was speaking about, was being actually lived and experienced in Reality by human beings that are also part of myself as everyone and everything that is here – which is how we have intellectualized reality instead of actually Understanding it in order to create a feasible way to change our living-ways and within this, promote an actual system-change.

 

I realize that my interest for the world matters was also in self interest for all of the above mentioned points: superiority, specialness, being ‘witty’ and system savvy wherein no real actual consideration of the lives of the people that I was generalizing with data and names and history was actually about. This is how once again, we are only able to intellectualize reality because of the protection and security that money is granting us, a select sector of the population that has been ‘gifted’ with the ability to have a dignified living, neglecting the majority that is out of our sight and only reduced to ‘world news’ of poverty, starvation, abuse, trafficking, animal extinction and wars that we see only as ‘interesting topics’ that will make us look like a person that Cares, but little did I even care to actually be and become a human being that understands the reasons and actual detail of why the lives of human beings have been neglected to such an extent that we’ve reduced Actual Lives to graphics, to GDP numbers and figures that in no way serve Life, in no way actually consider the living conditions of such people that are just forming parts of percentages, numbers and statistics that indicate an apparent growth or devaluation of life on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question how it was possible to have a ‘Devaluation’ of our currency which would be the same as ‘devaluing’ life in one way or another – within this, missing out all possible common sense that I could have considered if I had allowed myself to investigate further on  how money exists, and how money is created, and the actual laws and regulations that dictate our reality, but instead, only used such knowledge and information for my own personal benefit as a opinionated character, having some form of ‘criteria’ to speak about the world simply because of judging this as proper to educated and wealthy people. There you go, intellectualism exposed.

 

I Forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hide the fact that my interest on world matters was actually only based on attaining/ hoarding knowledge and information as a synonym of money, wherein I would be planning already how ‘great’ I was going to be when having had a life of being informed on social matters, politics, trying to understand wall street and becoming a news junky just so that I could give lectures/ talks about my education, my ‘awareness’ of the problems of the world while gaining a name for myself as this type of ‘good being’ that would fight for social justice and a revolution,  without being self honest with myself to see how the starting point of this all was in self interest and not really caring about investigating the actual lives of the people I could be naming as general figures and numbers that we use in order to sound ‘cool’ and ‘intelligent,’ while neglecting even asking why such numbers and figures of poverty, starvation, war, crime, unemployment, rise of prices and any other act of corruption existed in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that exposing my selfish desires to ‘help the world’ would make me a ‘bad person’ not realizing that we have all been living lives masking our self interest with benevolence, goodness and ‘good will’ that has never in fact existed, as if it really had existed, we would have done something already about this world. Thus,

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to plan/ plot and project a life for myself based on being an ‘aware’ being, like the ultimate intellectual that could talk about all spheres of life in order to sound interesting, to even find a partner that could ‘fill in the gaps’ with more knowledge and information as an ‘intelligent being and socially aware – whatever such tag would in any way imply as ‘worthy’ to me – and a social-group of people that I could fit in based on my desires to have friends in elitist-intellectual positions as I deemed that to be ‘my spot’ within my life, and within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to admire, even idolize people that were these ‘examples’ in my life of what it was to read a ton of books, have huge libraries in their houses, collect art, have the ultimate sybarite lifestyle while being very aware of the system and talking about change while eating some form of delicacy with wine, which was the precise type of social reunions that I wanted to preserve in my life – and I repeat: while theorizing about the problems in the world, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to value who a person is according to the education they have, the knowledge and information about ‘the world system’ that they have memorized, because of having created my own standards of intelligence based on knowledge and information placed ‘at the service of humanity,’ which is where the revolutionary-intellectual character exists, never realizing that within this, I was supporting the very cogwheels that make this wordl system turn wherein knowledge and information is valued more than life, wherein all money is valued more than life without understanding how there could be no money, no real value if there was no actual physicality that we could in any way put a price tag on, including ourselves as ‘knowledgeable beings’ that can sell such ‘wits’ within the academic and intellectual circles in the form of books, lectures and general elitist-status of social investigators that may propose a ton of ways to create a change in this world but never in fact even consider how to make it a reality as a process of Self Responsibility by the individuals, because all solutions were only looked at in the form of opposition, revolution and further criticism of the system without looking at the monetary system as the source and core of the problem that must be corrected and aligned in this world to support Life in Equality.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to also use this accumulation of knowledge and information to gain the tags that people would generally see me as ‘acculturated intelligent person’ which became part of my ‘steps toward success’ in this world system because of having done all the research and deliberate accumulation of knowledge and information for my own benefit, to seem like a good doer, revolutionary, future ‘leader’ of change in self interest. I see and realize that there could be no actual good intention the moment that I was using knowledge and information as a form of reputation that I could later on Sell to the same system I was trying to oppose. I realize that within this world system, I tis not not oppose it or retaliate against it and try and make a living out of doing so, but instead become part of the system, educate myself, support other’s education in order to recognize the fact that there is nothing to oppose, but to align, correct and direct to an outcome that is best for all.

 

I realize that whenever self interest as our own personal benefit is in place when trying and ‘do good’ to this world can only backfire as a self-deception that we have to take self responsibility for, and that it is not to be judged any further other than taking the necessary actions to align our lives and our dedication to understanding reality not as a way to abuse such knowledge and information for our own benefit, but to in fact self-forgive any remains of personal/ selfish interest about ‘changing the world’ / making a change and take the necessary actions to be self responsible which doesn’t exist ‘out there’ as some major reform in the system at the moment, it begins with our every seemingly ‘unimportant’ thoughts in our head whenever we place ourselves on top of others, whenever we want to be ‘right,’ whenever we want to have the ‘right answer’ all the time which is a point that is not indicating anything else but the desire to remain in a knowledgeable and righteous position that actually does a lot of harm upon reality, wherein intellectualism has become part of the general abstraction of reality into nice words and pictures to depict the reality, instead of actually investigating how Reality operates, why such people have been neglected, how our very own lives depend on their suffering and abuse and how our very worlds of elitist first world lifestyles are stemming from another’s endless laboring days in conditions that no knowledge and information can change in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to see the desire of changing the world as a ‘noble act’ within our society that I had to attain to in order to be part of a select-renowned group of people as an artist or intellectual, or linguist or whatever that I could be and become in order to get my ‘big part of the cake’ while holding an image of a ‘good doer’ in my society, and be known and praised and recognized for that, without realizing to what extent I had simply then acted in self interest all the time and never really caring as the actual expression of what that word implies about the reality of the people and situations and events I was only reducing to long strips of words that were not lived at all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to read people’s biographies as in revolutionary people, artists mostly  as examples of what I wanted to be and become and within this starting point of fame, recognition, getting to be part of history books, desire to get to the ‘top’ and be ‘superior’ within my society as knowledgeable person/ an intellectual of ‘the greatest kind’ wherein I learned how this type of recognition was an acceptable way of becoming rich/ wealthy while still holding on a façade of ‘activist’ as a ‘good doer.’ I realize that I deliberately neglected the absurdity and paradox I would have made of myself by becoming rich out of opposing the system and the lack of integrity that really exists in all our so-called intellectual spheres in this world, where it is very nice and simple to talk and talk and talk about the problems in this world, blame the government or any other institution and always avoiding seeing one’s own life and the decisions made based on wanting to obtain a point of benefit in absolute self interest.

 

I commit myself to continue writing the revolutionary-elitist character out, in order to see how even in what could be spotted as ‘good intentions’ there were actual greedy interests behind it, most likely wishing to succeed only at an individual level and forgetting about the actuality, the physicality the actual living conditions of the people that are reduced to numbers, stories, figures that are sold in books and lectures and further story-telling journalism without proposing an actual living solution that can Stop such abuse and negligence in humanity. I commit myself to establish the Equal Money System as the common sense that is necessary in this world, which can hold no specialness or hero-like action, this is about the reality that should have always been but were too busy satisfying/ satisFRYING our own egos.

 

This will continue

 

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211. Why is Life a Struggle? Why Can’t All be just HAPPY?

 
We’ve come to neglect the fact that it takes a single decision and agreement to enable a state of well being to all human beings. Any brainwashing propaganda saying ‘We Can’t’ must be categorized as a weapon of mind control , because throughout our investigations we’ve come to understand how it is through massive propaganda systems through the media, that the population ends up being Educated by TV, by Newspapers, by everything which has become part of the ‘collective unconscious’ without anyone being seemingly regulating such aspects that influence us all – is it really? Now, I’m not speaking about conspiracy theories here, it is to realize how we are all aware of how Self Interest as the desire for power/ money complicates everything, leading us from personal trivial desires to ascend/ escalate the ‘social ladder’ or justifying wars in the name of a so-called national defense while regurgitating words that keep the population fearing each other all the time, fearing ending up without any form of money and support, in essence: fearing that their own ‘life’ is able to be turned off in no time.

 

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What Happens when we Don’t give to each other what we would like for ourselves as a basic form of ‘protection and security’ that is always sought by a human being that stems from the preprogrammed design of surviving and essentially, doing all it can to continue living, even if that means killing or consuming everything on his path? This is the history of our human civilization – do we have the power to change it? Of course, we just have to agree that there are basic conditions that we all require to give and receive in Equality in order to live Well*

I can attest how the moment one suddenly has no such security as owning your house – even on ‘paper – having enough money to have your ‘usual treats’ or any other vainglory that money brings, one is faced with an uncanny experience that I had never had before in my lifetime back then – since I was 8-10 years old when it happened – and it’s what one would call Depression, no distinct to how the crisis in Capitalism is also dubbed as ‘Depression’ and it only exists as an energetic experience of having little to no energy/ money which causes an emotional state of ‘Depression’ which is simply having a seemingly ‘negative experience’ of anxiety, distress, worry, concern, apathy and general diminishment of your ‘self-esteem’ a.k.a. not getting your happy-meal so to speak to continue escalating in the social standards in society.

Why have we even allowed Lack of Money to be a regular condition in this world?
Why have we never questioned poverty and ‘depressions’ as an actual disease that must be cured at the root/ source of the problem, which in all cases is the current monetary system?
Why have we only managed to ‘mitigate’ the problems that affect us ALL and Con.Form to what is presented as temporary solutions to a lack of money – such as further Debt that sounds like Death wherein you end up rolling on your payroll like a shroud wherein all that is left of you is a piece of flesh and bones that forgot about itself and always sought life, but never lived.

 

The reason Why we are doing this is because we have neglected each other as Equals – hence it is a matter of Education, it is a matter of being willing to step out of the brainwashing that is constant in our society which is nothing else but the sum total of individuals seeking to fulfill their own interest. Call it ‘making a living,’ I call it collective agreement to abuse each other as Life and must be Stopped.

 

Throughout these blog series I’ve investigated my own process of forming and linking the idea of well being, happiness, success to Money and I’ve titled it as the Elitist Character which is the inherent pattern we’ve acquired the moment that we live in this world and learn that only through money we can satisfy ourselves in all aspects – whether it’s the usual love/relationships, business/job and personal spiritual endeavors or simply having the ability to hoard money due to belonging to a certain bloodline-lineage that enables you to have the ‘Time of your life’ from the moment you are born.

For the rest of us mortals, we have to simply try and attempt to Succeed as in Sucking out the Life essence o the seed that gives life, following dreams of ‘someday Finally making it’ and spending the rest of our days literally ‘dying to live’ – why is this so? and why is it that the moment that we lack money and we are unable to have a proper living condition and/or meet our usual ‘treats’ that only a few people can afford in this world in fact, we are subsumed into what is called a ‘Negative Experience’ which is similar to the ‘lower vibrations’ that people on  Heaven would define the demon dimension to be like, never realizing the abuse that such standard of ‘heavenly experience’ meant for the Earth and human beings in it (Research: Demons in the Afterlife) The World is in Reverse –and yes, ‘the world is a vampire,’ Billy Corgan, however I would mostly say the Human’s been a vampire serving other greater vampires that have become our regular Empires that will kill and destroy as long as some form of bliss can be obtained from it – isn’t that gory? How we’ve neglected GLORY as the Victory over others through going on a killing spree without any form of mercy?

Why have we even accepted the fact that ‘life is a struggle/ life is a fight’ which takes me back to the motto of the Jesuit school I went to: Militia est Vita – yeah, Loyola was a soldier and suddenly saw himself maimed and enlightened with some form of godliness to predicate well being on mankind, did he have to Suffer in order to get such Godly predicament? Points to ponder, not to mention that his legacy  continued throughout  Jesuit schools that are meant to ‘shape leaders’ in this world are anything but affordable for the most of population.

To correct and redirect the title of this blog which is a common misconception in our lexicon: Life is not a Struggle, it is Us human beings that have made it a Struggle through the acceptance and allowance of the current world system ‘as is.’ Time for a Revolution? No, time to first debunk our own brainwashing through Writing, Applying and Living Self Forgiveness In Self Honesty – that’s the key to massive liberation from the drive-thru lifestyle behavior and start Valuing that which is REAL as Life, as the Physical.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never question why it is that I suddenly felt sad and worried all the time as a constant experience only by knowing that we had financial troubles and within this, taking it personal to the level of believing that It would be a solution for them – my parents – not having to pay for my food and education, making it then an entire out of proportion desire to not exist as a fleeting solution in order to ‘wash away’ the worry and concern that I was witnessing in my father, never really considering how it is that in fact it would have only brought further problems.

I realize that people committing suicide due to financial problems are taking the easy way out apparently, and see no way to solve the problem – however, there is no way we can escape this world and reality for we will continue coming back into this Earth, and there is no way that one can accept the fact that the future of this world remains locked into a certain self-destructive mode as it is currently, and I also realize that this depends on us, human beings, being willing to step up and Take Responsibility, because if there is something that is neglected at all times throughout our lives whenever we ‘flirt’ with any desire to give up or even ‘leave the Earth’ as in committing suicide, we are deliberately denying and neglecting the responsibility that we all hold toward this world and ourselves as individuals that have accepted and allowed the current world system of debt as the only way to ‘make money,’ instead of agreeing altogether to establish a system that will Provide for All Beings Equally

It is already quite clear that we are running only from actually doing all we can in order to establish a solution that will be permanent, and will become the new living-phase of us as humanity for the first time on Earth, since all we have been thus far, is nothing else but slaves serving a greater ‘God’- either metaphorically speaking as in Religions and Spirituality – or literally as the Money that gives us such bliss and joy on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into extensive fear as a child about losing our house, losing ‘my safety and protection’ and within this, becoming unstable in my personal experience due to believing that having no money meant being close to death and that was it, close to living in poverty as the poor people that I would actually Fear becoming and living on the streets with them and eating what they ate and having to beg for money in order to survive.

I realize that this is the reality of fellow human beings that are HERE in this world as myself, and that the only barrier that divides me from realizing myself As Them, is the mind that I have cultivated in order to always seek to benefit me-me-me and never consider the reality of myself as the totality of who and what I am as One and Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an emotional experience of sadness, worry, concern, anxiety and fear generally when hearing about us not having much money and having our house owned by the bank for a moment which to me felt like suddenly descending from heaven into hell and even though my reality didn’t drastically change, the sheer fact of knowing that ‘We don’t have much money’ became a very bitter phase of my life to go through, wherein I simply desired to  have the nightmare be over, go back to our ‘happy go round’ lives of having money – at least enough to be ‘happy’ – and that was it. However, it was quite a road out  of that huge bump on the road wherein I then became that same instability and inferiority that I cultivated due to not having had enough money at that time to satisfy my desires imprinted and acquired mostly by the media, by wanting to have what my friends had (see 201. Friends of Convenience: for a little piece of Heaven) and as such, believing that I was certainly ‘less than them’ due to not having as much money as they did.

 

When and as I see myself defining who I am according to the amount of money that I have or I don’t have, and creating a negative experience/ positive experience for either occasion, I stop and I breathe. I realize that money should only be a means to Live and have the necessary to have a dignified living – and this means, becoming part of the solution through my own living self-agreement and consideration of supporting myself as life and others equally to step out of the selfish-act of survivalism as the actual point of mind control it represents

 

I commit myself to expose how we can all in fact assist and support each other to establish a world system that can be implemented by the sheer realization that who we are as life is and has always been Here, and that it is the human aspect that has become the very weapon of mass destruction as the imposition of a system that functions upon the abuse of life.

 

I commit myself for Life to stop this carnage, the strain, the worry and constant threat of having no money the next day to live, as I see and realize that the experience of each other is invariably creating the reality that we All Live in. It is impossible to ignore this.

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—- it is not over yet.

 

 

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I ate myself while trying to be Happy (2012)

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166.Absinthe-Minded Comfort Zone

Enter-tament, me-die and the perfect drug for our minds created by ourselves as our mind.

Continuing from the blogs:

We’re diving in for a moment into a palpable aspect that is constantly ‘there’ as a seemingly innocent distraction that turns into a temptation which comes packaged and sold as ‘acceptable products’ called diversion and entertainment.

One of the aspects wherein we tend to ‘give in’ to this seemingly ‘enjoyable comfort’ is when we in fact get way too comfortable for extended periods of time surfing the net, watching series, looking at pictures, videos, reading magazines of filling-information – al of these actions that involve passively watching/ reading/ hearing something that is – most of the times – not supportive or even related to informing ourselves about the current state of the world, other than revealing and depicting the actual downward spiral that indicates the current state of the mind-possession we are existing as humanity. I have to clarify that I am in no way condemning entertainment, but I’ll speak today from my own experience.

To write about this today, I obviously had to try the enticing ‘cocktail’ first as I saw a news note about one of my past ‘idols’ being arrested for weed and hash possession while looking extra skinny/ anorexic. I wondered why it is that we are placing so much attention on people’s melt downs and disgrace and how this type of entertainment – such as celebrity gossip and all this type of sensationalism – becomes this pastry that we all nibble on to get a ‘filling’/ feeling for a moment,  even just when reading absolutely different kind of news, one ‘dabbles’ on the right side of the window where all the ‘showbiz’ news are on.

 

I saw myself gasping on the amount of money wasted in in a single nail polish, the entire scandals upon ‘rockstars’ throwing tantrums on stage or being jailed for drug possession, seeing people having babies and getting married or getting back together, ‘racy’ shots at all times and essentially this is something that no matter where you go in the net within a regular ‘newspaper’ / news site you get to. And the point of curiosity and eventual ‘enticement’ is what we eventually drown ourselves into, for a moment, for a while and suddenly we are just following an experience instead of actually being HERE as breath.  And  the important point to consider is this sudden shift wherein we can be doing something that is practically here and we’re for example being fully directive, however when this point of ‘temptation’ emerges and we go into it, it’s like diving into the rabbit hole if one is obviously not really self directive in handling images, information and pictures that can create this sense of ‘comfort’ through entertaining ourselves with other people’s lives and stories.

“This being due to the extent of our automated participation, acceptance and allowance of our relationship, definition and experience of/as the Mind as Energy that one would in the beginning of one’s process only become aware of a Character Activation in later phases of its activation stage. Essentially, that – we’ve in our Awareness, accepted and allow the “Force” of/as the Mind/Consciousness to automatically control, direct and ‘take over’ within ourselves, and so now one is assisting and supporting self in the Process of re-establishing self and so self’s awareness into and as self-directive principled living.” – Sunette Spies

 

So this is what I noticed in relation to us allowing the ‘force’ to become the directive principle, and  us giving ourselves away to become the ‘Absent-Minded’ Character, wherein one simply let oneself ‘flow’ with the drive of whatever is in front of us and start thinking and going deeper this is how the entire passivity that becomes our ‘’way of living’ in our current society, it is how the reward system after long hours of work is set up; you get home from work, you require to sit down and just Chill – worry not about the actual problems in the world – and ‘entertain us’ to in fact live in denial of what is here, and more than a denial a deliberate neglect toward our reality, how it functions, how other human beings are living in.   And within me trying this out and becoming ‘absent minded,’ I saw it and experienced it: it’s like being constantly watching movies wherein you don’t really have to do anything else other than looking, probably reading and filling in the gaps in the mind, and creating a sense of ‘comfort’ within it, which indicate obviously: mind experience as the only constant self-comfort that exists in fact and reality is here as breath, being absolutely self directive at all times.

For now we know that following this accepted and allowed pattern of entertainment is the best way to keep ourselves busy in trivial points that have no transcendence within our reality as humanity other than stimulating one’s own fantasies, dreams, imagination and any other mind experience, which is how ourselves as the mind and the entire world functions, really, even making money out of such ‘spare time’ is the greatest ways to make money, which implies that the system in itself is perfect within which we’ve lead ourselves to our own guaranteed doom if we do not act out and actually Do what is required to be done to re-establish a point of self responsibility toward everything and everyone on Earth.

 

Now, what does this have to do with procrastination? Distraction, it is within this decision to deliberate Not do what is required to be done that we immerse ourselves within the entire ‘media world’ wherein even if you’ve watched/ read the same news once, one go seeking for more as if there was a sense of vicarious atonement to other people’s lives that seem like ‘unreal’ to us, while presenting this absolutely deluded aspect of reality that somehow we’ve managed to venerate and revere to as humanity, calling it the outflows of fame and fortune: This is our civilization at the expense of the physical substance that is life on/ as Earth.

And this is our ‘entertainment,’ which seems quite innocent when it begins with quick glances at news from showbiz, quick glances at magazine covers, then getting hooked up in a particular article/ news and from there,  ‘one thing leads to the other,’ which is just a blatant excuse of course. What is is this sense of ‘feeling good’ within this all as the absent minded character, losing track of one’s breath and setting in on autopilot , it’s because one for a moment only delves in the experience of not having to be ‘performing’ something, not having to be doing/ acting/ speaking within the world, one can just simply ‘sink in,’ set in the media-drive and ride in autopilot for as long as we allow The Force to drive us by. 

 

What I realized is how media is an externalization of our own imagination, backchat, internal conversations and general mind-tament that we have created for our individual pleasure. Before there were ever iPhones and iPods and personal computers, there was only the theatre of our own mind, being able to be ‘fine tuned’ to match our own ‘wildest dreams,’ never ever ever being aware of what actually could power such marvelous ‘colorful theatre’ up there in the realm of ‘ideas’ that we identified as ‘who we are.’ Well, we have become such thoughts through actually acting them out/ living them out in the physical and that’s the ultimate possession. We have become drones of our own externalization of the mind and now it is as if Marshall McLuhan almost could have ‘gotten it’ for a moment, however he never pondered about the actual energy that could power such mind mechanism later on externalized as our current mediatized society.

Once again, I can see myself as the character I had become when judging the media and its ‘tacky contents,’ however who are we whenever we are not HERE present as the physical, who are we when we are not really aware of every breath that we take, where are we and what are we driving ourselves to when being passively observing, hearing and essentially consuming experiences in an audiovisual mode and see how we don’t necessarily have to be watching TV or reading up stories for that, we within the mind create our own entertainment. And, yes,  it’s the perfect addictive state to continue creating our own theatre of shadows wherein the shadow self is what we have actually become: nothing else but a single automated version of ourselves, allowing ourselves to miss ourselves here physically– however we often do not ponder How it is that we created such entertainment, why, what was its purpose? And it’s quite easy to answer all of this when realizing how within us accepting and allowing ourselves to build a world based on that which we could THINK of and rationalize about reality –with its obvious diversion-mechanisms – instead of actually physically being here, interacting, exploring and discovering what is HERE as the entirety of the physical relationships that we have absolutely missed when only living in a plastic bubbled type of living, always thinking about reality and/or rejoicing in absorbing/ consuming information that is utterly useless for us to develop as humanity.

 

There is a moment of deciding to Not do what we have to do, to Not give proper direction to our every day living wherein we Instead, picture ourselves being comfortably numb with sounds, pictures, stories that somehow we’ve sought to read in order to activate our autopilot throughout the day and pretend that ‘that is all to life,’ which is how it goes on with Television and any other social-media site wherein one spend long ours a day just consuming, passively taking and taking and taking in and missing every breath as we just zone-into the comfort zone.

 

And this is how within the nature of us seeking our own self-interest of the ‘good feeling/ comfortable’ experience in one single moment, we give into the mind, completely and absolutely. Test this out for yourself, probably you’ll not be even aware of this while ‘testing it out,’ but only realize about it once you directly decide to stop it/ step out of it, and that is where we fall flat on the face of ourselves and the amount of time we can spend on a daily basis doing practically nothing – be it media, be it just sitting doing nothing, finding any point of distraction to not direct ourselves to do things.

 

And this is thus exploring the thought that comes up which is a remembrance of such seemingly ‘enjoyable moments’ wherein we then seek to repeat such pattern at all cost, never ever knowing that such cost is not paper-money or metal coins or digital numbers on a screen – even if most of entertainment at such level must be a service one pay for – It is instead our very own flesh and physical body that we consume every time that we just hop in the bandwagon of entertainment which does not only comprise the most obvious types of media entertainment within TV or pc’s as well. This is about one single thought that we’ve attached this idleness/ passivity to, creating a single image, picture, thought, internal conversation and absolute ‘beingness’ of the being suddenly realizing: how the hell did I just spend hours surfing on the web, looking for this and eventually getting nothing out of it other than a few moments of believed and perceived ‘enjoyment’ at the actual expense of the physicality that is transformed into energy, which is how we power up any seemingly ‘good feeling’ experience.

 

Now, it is to understand that such media is our creation and reflection of who and what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become: self-gratifying individuals that hardly ever look at how it is that the money that buys the honey is created. And within this ‘machinery’ it is to also see how these are mind control and mind created mechanisms that we as humans have imposed onto fellow humans to generate passivity in relation to what should be our direct participation in the world system.

 

From Absent-Minded to Presence-Hereness

Have a look at how life would be if we suddenly had access to a dignified living for all, would we spend time only diving into images, pictures and sounds 24/7? or are we in fact living out the slave-enter-tament that we’ve ensured to even deify or even laureate as being ‘more’ than ourselves, never realizing that the entire set of entertainment is a well-made joke on us. This is not to satirize media or in any way become a blatant critic of it, it’s about recognizing the actual self direction that we abdicate every moment that we go into the me-die and allow ourselves to be mind controlled: we just hook on, log in and ‘play’ in our minds or more like get entertained by all pictures, sounds, stories and any other occassional artsy shot that we are so used to seeing everywhere nowadays. And this is how self movement and self expansion is mutilated at the core, creating a sense of ‘everything is fine-ness’ that we believe is real because we see happy people in our screens and magazines that we want to experience as well, in an imaginary way through this entertainment, believing that there must be ‘something’ about life other than endless payrolls and spending your last ‘savings’ on getting yourself bailed out for another couple of years.

 

Who has done this all ? We have, we as the mind invading the physical have driven ourselves to our very own decay, and within understanding the basic frame of how the mind words, one can go seeing, realizing and understanding that it is very easy to slip back into habitual patterns of finding out these type of entertainment that is not necessary to ‘exist’ at all. We rather breathe and take things for what they are, see the world for what it currently is: the externalization of our ‘likes’ and ‘dislikes’ about our creation/ our reality and within this ensure that we start pondering what actual honor is and how immovable it must be  to catch us all within the fishnet. And once again, having a snail teaching us about what science should be and how deluded our words are, is the most humbling experience, to learn how to see and recognize our mistakes, where we invest’ our time in, where we waste away our breaths into feeding a mind leech curiosity that we believe is ‘normal and innocent;’ well, best is to Not assume at all but actually understand this relationship between the mind and the physical and within this realizing what we have in fact postponed on Earth which is the ultimate establishment of an equality system, wherein no more profitable excuses will exist in order to NOT explore, support and expand ourselves in our Physical reality.

We are the ones that have created our limitations, we are the only ones that can set us free, beginning with ourselves. Thus is it still a ‘real freedom’ or a simple alignment to give and receive as equals, as what’s best for all?

 

We decide how we live the words and like any other addiction, we decide when and how to ‘give up’ the absinthe-minded droneism and start living here as breath in the physical.

 

to be continued…

 

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