Category Archives: mythology

Hey Nostradamus! – Personality suit exposed

“Look at us. We’re all born lost, aren’t we? We’re all born separated from God – over and over life makes sure to inform us of this – and yet we’re all real: we  have names, we have lives. We mean something. We must. My heart is so cold. And I feel so lost. I shed my block of hate but what if nothing emerges to fill in the hole it left? The universe is so large, and the world is so glorious, but here I am on a sunny August morning with chilled black ink pumping through my veins, and I feel like the unholiest thing on earth.” – Douglas Coupland

This is an excerpt from Hey Nostradamus! a book by Douglas Coupland that I read some 6 years ago  while being on a ‘spiritual journey’ a mind one, not an actual trip.  I had read other books by him as well, including ‘Life after God’ of which I will probably write about some other time.

In this book he depicts an entire process of ‘struggling’ with the idea of there being some type of ‘god’ while walking a continual paradox as this reality that would indicate that there is non. However, this particular quote depicts the type of writings I would solace myself with, some type of misery that  would enhance my world view, add the necessary ‘energy kick’ to keep my personality suit that I’ve described before in the Death and Destruction entry.

These type of writings is what I filled myself up while being on my late teenage years which was ‘cool’ at the time and in accordance to my questions and general desire to ‘know’ some type of ‘truth,’ to have or gain some sort of feedback as a ‘certainty,’ a kind of knowledge and information that could give ‘meaning’ to my life. Just as Douglas explains there, I was seeking for some sort of proof that this wasn’t only a cosmic joke and that our lives would have to inevitably ‘mean’ something.

Part of walking this process is debunking the lie that we’ve lived with this entire ‘yearning for God’ experience which is actually preprogrammed as an inherent belief to never see and realize that: we’ve always been here, that we are ALL that exist and that any form of philosophical trip looking for ‘meaning’ and ‘truths’ is in separation of the most obvious facts that are here, equally visible and tangible for all: we are the ones that have set the rules of how it all functions – we are the ones that have perpetuated the disagreements that are currently leading this world to a point of self-destruction based on the inherent disregard that we’ve had toward one another, yet keeping ourselves busy seeking some form of ‘inner-peace’ and ‘enlightenment’ while depleting the world and abusing all that is here in the meantime.

Our relationship toward an elusive idea of ‘God’ became another way of ‘coping with reality’ as if the idea of some superior and powerful ‘god’ could give us some ‘extra-strength’ to face ourselves. He places it quite nicely in the following quote: ‎”I think God is how you deal with everything that’s out of your own control”. I was once a God believer and as much as I have left this part of the process ‘behind,’ it’s cool to bring it up as a point of support for anyone reading this and still going through a process of disenchantment toward the belief in something ‘superior’ or ‘divine’ as an actual entity called ‘God.’ I clearly once believed out of tradition, out of passed-on belief, out of fear of literally having to realize there is nothing or no one ‘superior here’ – yet never getting to realize who I really am as one and equal as all that exists – who would want some type of ‘god’ within that equation?

The quote I placed here describes a general ‘mindset’ that I could tag with many names like melancholy, self-pity, misery, loneliness, gloom,  sadness, depressive, shoegazer,  doomy and mostly a general sense of ‘despair’ toward the world. Lol it’s cool to debunk this because this ‘attitude’ and general energetic experience became ‘my life’ and ‘who I was’ for such a long time. Seeing life through this smokescreen where everything seemed so elusive, so vague, so ‘magnificent’ yet seeing myself as something really ‘petty’ for this world, sometimes ‘not belonging’ and some others just believing that I had been born in the ‘wrong planet.’

Here I am, six years after I read this book and having walked for some years a process of understanding my personality and how I created myself, I can see how it is within this gloomy self idea of myself and the world that I kept myself just ‘busy’ with my own mind, seeking to create more experiences out of books like these, out of my own relationships with people that could fully support this type of ‘tragic’ perspective on reality, just sitting at caffés pondering about life, chain-drinking-smoking-coffee and doing nothing else but that. 

Now I realize how all of that is an absolute ‘waste of time’ in terms of remaining only as a certain experience that becomes ‘who we are’ while limiting ourselves and our ability to actually step out of such mind-frame, which is essentially the process we’re walking here.

First of all to stop all hope and yearning/ wondering about ‘life’ and instead realizing how we can practically start actually LIVING in this world by investigating/ writing/ looking at how other beings are living, how is the system that I live in functions, how are we keeping this system running, why have I accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by my own self-created experiences instead of looking at the reality that is here, that is myself, a reality that I am a part of and that I’m disregarding while keeping myself ‘busy’ up in my mind, continuing my gloomy view toward this world as if that was the only ‘thing’ I could ‘do’ – helplessness, a general sense of ‘I’m a victim of this world’ is what I was oozing all the time. I’m glad those times are over – though the process of disengaging from the actual self-created personality is still being walked as this is HOW I have created myself – resonating with everything that could support my inability to stand up and take self responsibility – why? Because being a victim is much easier than taking the necessary steps to ‘step up’ and become the change that I was only judging and criticizing/ complaining about in this world.

We’re not LOST, we can only LOSE ourselves up there in the self-created mazes of our mind – we are here, we are breathing, we walk, we eat, we shit, we interact and all in all I keep ‘finding myself here’ therefore, such ‘lostness’ was certainly another excuse to be aloof and idle and a general ‘drama queen’ to not face my reality and instead, indulge into addictions that could support my eternal ‘yearning’ for something/ someone to change the world.

Such feeling and experience as feeling like an outcast, a sense of being kicked out of paradise, looking for ‘god’ all the time is only the belief of such separation from ‘god/ source’ which has gotten us to neglect the life that we are and have been all the time, Here  – get the interviews on the Atlanteans to understand how and why this point happened. It’s all been an actual disregard of ourselves – us missing ourselves as ‘the point’ of our existence. We only can redeem ourselves to be actually able to stand here in Self Honesty as one and equal to this world by walking a process of Self For.giveness: I give myself back to myself to realize that the only thing I’ve missed is ‘myself’ as life  – hence I walk a process to learn how to LIVE in equality as everything/ everyone that is equally here.

Through this process of Self Honesty, I’ve learned how to trust myself, to not only seek to ‘stand in the back’ within this form of ‘inferiority’ and ‘pettiness’ as part of a self experience, wanting others do everything for me, to have someone ‘stepping up’ and keeping myself in a comfortable zone wherein I cannot make any mistakes or get ‘harmed’ by others – which was quite the ultimate defense mechanism within me to not face myself. My personality was then able to ‘fit’ into the world as a ‘sensitive person’ that could then be justified for being ‘down’ and then seeking something/ someone outside of myself to ‘get up’ and then down again in a never ending rollercoaster of energetic thrills. I remember how a friend of mine would say how he’d get to ‘enjoy’ being immersed in absolute self-misery and depression – I couldn’t fathom that and I judged him in that moment without realizing I was doing exactly the same thing within myself.

So – topics on alienation, loneliness, black comedy, drama, spirituality, angst, sorrow, acceptance, tragedy, the absurd and complex have been part of the ‘key words’ that I’d sought for and that I just took from the back cover of this book – lol.

What’s great about this is that once that the ‘pattern’ and personality is in my face, I cannot fool myself in pretending that I have not ‘become’ this by mere act of empathy. It’s called personality designs and I’m here to stop it, because it’s only a bloody program, because I see how even if in my mind there is still this desire to ‘keep it in place,’ it’s the ultimate statement of separation from the physical reality that is just HERE: no experience attached!

Have a look at a skinny, leafless tree with several branches twisted up high in a forest-like scenario at dusk – that I would immediately associate with this entire self-experience which indicates to what level I have brainwashed myself to add an entire experience to the sole expression of a single tree in a certain environment. Fascinating.

I am here to stop that, to see reality for what it is, to see and realize how I do not require to add any extra-toppings to reality with emotions and feelings that I had deemed as ‘indications’ of ‘being alive’ – that was probably one of the most impressive revelations in my life, whereas I had deem that the more I ‘felt’ = the more alive I was. What a lie – but we are fortunately well prepared now to face these buckets of cold water and support ourselves to actually LIVE.

So, no more gloomy self experiences for me – all of this is coming out quite nicely so I suggest that you, reader of this blog, take on this exercise for yourself:  have a look at the points that you’ve identified yourself with in your reality and see how they have defined ‘who you are’ in one way or another. To me this is kind of ‘bringing up the past’ but unless I stop myself from participating in all types of emotions and feelings, I will continue existing as that past – hence it is cool to lay it out for oneself to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to identify ourselves with as the preprogrammed personality design and stop participating in it here, for once and for all.

Now, this is not in any way a ‘bashing’ toward Coupland, he’s written out cool books that I see were ‘bridges’ for me to walk upon to then get to the actual swallowing point of realizing: there is no God, there is no such thing as ‘ultimate truth’ – you are it, you are here, you take responsibility and create a world that’s best for all – simplicity at its finest – but here I leave some cool quotes by Mr. Coupland.

Enjoy and thanks for reading

‎”I wondered why it is that going to heaven is the only goal of religion, because it’s such a selfish thing”

‎”To acknowledge God is to fully accept the sorrow of the human condition”

“A world of continuous miracles would be a cartoon, not a world”

‎”I think God is how you deal with everything that’s out of your own control”

‎”Dear God,
I’m going to stop believing in you unless you can tell me what possible good could have come from the bloodshed. I can’t see any meaning or evidence of divine logic”

 

Assist and support yourself to walk out of the personality suits we’ve become as part of this game or roles we’ve played in this world – let’s walk a process of actual LIVING and not only feeling and believing in something/someone that we are Not.

desteni.org

 

fantastic

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Coupland, Douglas. Hey Nostradamus!. 1st ed. New York: Bloomsbury , 2003. 146. Print.

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Equality debunks Massification

Response to Jessica Fuller

“I agree Ellory…equality is not the same as freedom. After all, Communists aim to make the masses equal.”

Placing the point into context. We are commenting over a fear-mongering article charged with sufficient propaganda to create the belief that living in perpetual fear and masking it with ‘survival skills’ relevant to one’s individual value schemes is something ‘clever’ to do and denoting ‘wisdom in living’ as the ‘voice of experience’ speaks. It is explained how one must ‘survive’ and protect oneself toward an apparent ‘enemy’ which is the system that we’ve created, accepted and allowed. Now within this, there are a set of prejudices that have built the brilliant educational system that is obviously sponsored by and lobbying capitalism as the ‘perfect living condition’ for people in this world. I’ve seen a constant in people’s arguments through these past  years of interacting with comments in our videos and blogs wherein we  present the solution of Equality as the implementation of the Equal Money System.

Freedom has NEVER existed in fact. It was introduced as part of the vocabulary  as an elusive concept that we were taught we had to ‘fight for,’ defend and even ‘die’ for – yet never ‘given’ as an actual living condition from birth for all equally. Look at your revolutions, they never brought any change but only superficial exchange of powers such as the ‘oppressed’ suddenly becoming the ruling class, often leading to worse results than the ones that were initially fought against.  Freedom in this current system is linked to money and money is inherently created upon abuse, therefore there is no freedom whatsoever because ‘None is Free till ALL is Free.’

Let’s look at ‘making the masses equal’ which is a particular usage of words to create the pejorative sense of ‘massification’ which is a term introduced to describe a sense of loss of individualism wherein groups of people could be directed and encompassed as a ‘whole’ with similar behavioral and thinking patterns through the media.  Therefore, isn’t it that we are already living such ‘massification?’ How about realizing that your current ‘equality’ is desiring the same as your neighbor which is achieving to live the ultimate ‘american dream’ that is charged with this idealism of being a ‘unique and special individual’ that seeks the ultimate success as money, sex and everything else that could create a sense of ‘completion’ in a human being’s lifetime.

Look at your adverts – what are they selling you? The image of perfection that makes you keep ‘striving’ to get to such happiness/ love/ bliss/ completion that is, more often than not, never actually fulfilled in a regular mortal’s life. It’s obvious that your ‘communism’ as it’s been taught in educational systems has been satanized and linked to the worst meanings possible for the sake of everyone seeing it as the ultimate ‘control,’ without ever being able to look back at ourselves and realize that we have accepted that very same  form of control, indoctrination and fascism wrapped up with false-flags of freedom and justice for all – none of them real in any way whatsoever and we only require to look at the world as proof of what I am describing here.

No one is free, we’re all abound to the same monetary system that is absolutely based on abuse and inequality, the inequality that we’ve accepted as part of the brainwashing wherein we believe that we have to ‘strive’ to get a decent living condition and that it is ‘okay’ to have over a billion beings starving in the world. This is all unacceptable and must be exposed for the propaganda it has been to determine a general social, economical and political structure designed to keep some people invariably disenfranchised so that there is always someone ‘willing to do the work’ that no one else wants to do out  of sheer necessity = extreme survival mode lived as the now friendly-named ‘modern day slavery’ which is just blatant slavery, another proof that evolution has not taken place in this world either.

“I also agree that we are responsible for ourselves. Buddhism, arguably the most peaceful religion out of all the major religions of the world, advocates that the only way you can influence lasting positive change is to begin with oneself. The New World Order has it’s talons deep in the world and it has been digging them deeper and deeper for decades…possibly even 100s to thousands of years depending how far into conspiracies you are willing to look.”

Peace is resisting war – peace is created out of the concept and acceptance of war itself in the first place. If you understand Buddhism, in common sense you will see that it promoted passivity and a general mode of observance/ detachment wherein people were never challenged to create a solution for this world; instead they were left to ‘meditate’ and ‘surrender’ to this world, taking on a light blindfold and remaining in a ‘blissful’ experience without even caring to look at how just by the mere fact of existing in this world, they were equally responsible to the ‘human condition’ that has never been ‘best for all’ or a harmonious one. Therefore Buddhism is another form of brainwashing wherein it is easy to ‘detach’ ourselves to ‘avoid suffering,’ yet the suffering remains ‘here’ and is not dealt-with. You ‘turn off your mind’ and pretend that everything is fine even though  ‘trying to keep the thoughts away’ is the first point that is being fought against when seeking such ‘peace of mind’ that is so revered and popular nowadays, it’s just another form of mental morphine to sedate ourselves from the problems that are existing in this world.

We begin with ourselves, yes, that is the principle. Yet the starting point must not be that of ‘existing in bliss’ or creating a false sense of ‘stability’ as a mind generated experience that can only exist at an individual level. It is only kept in place by the person  having to constantly turn off/ shut down the mind without actually daring to see and reveal what is existent within and in doing so, face the reality that we’ve become as our minds to walk an actual process of self correction.

I once tried ‘stilling the mind’ and entire Zen approach to life – I became so frustrated because I suppressed myself every time that I reacted within my mind that raced with thoughts and emotions that I could not ‘externalize’ and face, but simply shoved away.  It is in fact a process to create our inner demons because it all goes back into our head where it regurgitates and becomes backchat. This way we simply chew our own cud up there in our head without ever daring to speak it out and face what such drivel is revealing of ourselves.

It is only through the process of Self Forgiveness that I got to understand how we have to first allow ourselves to know ourselves, get to understand how our mind works through writing and speaking. From there the process of Self Forgiveness is taking Self-Responsibility on every statement wherein we recognize what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be/ become in separation of who we are as Life as Equals. Self Forgiveness is the only application – after many attempts to live through other various practices, philosophies and beliefs – that has enabled me to support myself and others equally by standing within one single and basic principle which is the principle that we are promoting as the base and foundation for a new system in this world: Equality as Life.

Common sense which is ‘what’s best for all’ becomes the constant measuring/ reference point to direct ourselves as our thoughts, words and deeds in our reality. This is how we begin with ourselves because we understand that we are the creators of this world and we cannot possibly look at ‘solving/ changing the world’ without first daring to look at ourselves and understanding what exists within us as our own mind. That’s the first point of Self-Responsibility.

‘The New World Order’ is as real as you want to believe it is in a similar way to the belief system we’ve accepted as our current monetary system. From my perspective it is no different to say ‘new world order’ or ‘capitalism’ or ‘socialism’ as any form of government and control over population imposed by a ruling class is equally deceptive and abusive. Hence I could say that we have existed within a perpetual ‘world order’ that has been based on the polarization of society, the survival of the fittest, the perpetuation of power for only a few that have become those that have set the rules of ‘who you are’ and ‘what you think’ currently, the same elusive ideals discussed at the beginning. They have cleverly designed the entire conspiracy theory point as their own way to entertain ‘the masses’ while igniting their sense of ‘indignation,’ yet continuing to accept a ludicrous monetary system that is certainly a point that is urgent to take self-responsibility for as every moment that we use it, we are existing in that tacit agreement for all the abuse and inequality that money is creating.

“Sitting in a circle signing “Kum-ba-ya” and discussing ideologies while plotting a peace plan celebrating equality will get us nowhere. It’s too late for all that.”

I certainly agree. Though I wouldn’t only judge people singing and praying or meditating – which are similar ways of neglecting the world – but also people that sit around watching TV consuming everything that the media says which is in fact the very artifact used for indoctrination and control to generate the necessary ‘massification’ to keep everyone well enter.tamed. What about people sitting around in their opulent international conventions to create “solutions for the world” year after year? They are also discussing only ideologies without getting anywhere. What about people discussing only about their dreams, desires and ‘pursuit of happiness’ around coffee tables? Isn’t that also part of talking about personal ideologies getting nowhere which in fact keep the current system in place because one will do ‘anything necessary’ to achieve ‘one’s dreams’ while disregarding the rest of the world. The pursuit of happiness is our demise and that’s why we must stop all forms of delusions to any form of ‘celebration’ – there is only people selling you the false sense of ‘freedom of choice’ and a ‘peace of mind’ that will run out the very first moment that you are confronted with your own feelings  and emotions and don’t know ‘how to deal with them’ other than shoving them under the rug, pretending once again that ‘everything is fine.’

There can be no celebration of Equality in this world as it has never existed – anyone claiming to do so is then in a self-brainwashing session that must be immediately stopped and exposed for the fallacy it represents.

“Now is the time to accept that life as we know it is about to change in a drastic fear-inspiring way and we might as well learn to protect ourselves and plan for the worst so that we can survive in order to join together and fight back. When you plan for the worst and the best happens then you may enjoy a pleasant surprise. When you plan for the best and the worst happens, you end up having your ass handed to you.”

I wouldn’t necessarily say that it will be in an ‘inspiring’ way. I haven’t found any ‘inspiration’ in this world other than death and destruction for creative processes –  if you are talking about that type of inspiration here. We are way overdue to accept and understand the fact that we require to stop living in our individual bubbles of self-indulgence wherein we’ve become so used to ‘the world as it is’ with its ‘flaws and charms,’ without ever really daring to question WHY we have accepted the world as it is and HOW we are all equally responsible for the current conditions of abuse we’ve imposed on to ourselves and everything here.

This world is already drastically changing indeed and the level of extinction of fauna and flora is a measuring point that gives us direct feedback of the level of destruction we’ve generated while following our dreams and desires, doing ‘everything we can’ to make an ideal imposed by the media and ‘education’ that began at home, our reality. We learned that we had to become ‘successful’ and reaching the ultimate state of ‘happiness’ and ‘success’ which is as elusive as the concepts of freedom, free-will, bliss, love, justice and any other concept that has been imprinted as ‘ideals’ that have never been lived as the actual agreements and relationships applied toward each other.

We’ve been living in a sugar coated reality of which the inside is starting to rot  and the pungent smell is seething out, reaching those that had lived in perpetual ‘safety nets’/ personal heavens where ‘everything is fine,’ which is how this type of articles are now ‘hitting home’ for many that used to boast on living in ‘the land of the free. ‘ And this must not be understood only as a criticism toward the ‘American Dream’ as we – people in the rest of the world – have managed to accept and copycat the same standards and general aims promoted by the capitalist system (American Dream.) Therefore we are all equally part of keeping our own trap in place.

Preparing for the ‘worst case scenario’ shouldn’t come with an expectation of having a ‘pleasant surprise’ as expectations are usually forms of self sabotage wherein you would then require a second ‘bail out’ to a second-layer of ‘worst case scenario’ in case you don’t get your ‘pleasant surprise’ in place. It’s very clear here how we have conditioned our self-movement, actions and self-direction upon having a controlled outcome or at least a general ‘outline’ of what we will be ‘getting’ wherein we are able to be rewarded. This is how we have always sought to ‘get something’ in exchange, we are always seeking to win and ‘overcome’ whatever adversity we have accepted and allowed as real in the first place, which can only be ourselves fighting back at us.

‘Fighting back’ is the recurred usage of words to abdicate self-responsibility and view ‘them’ as some form of ‘evil’ and ‘enemy’ outside of ourselves. In this we are in fact denying our responsibility within the creation of this current social, economical and political structure wherein we have neglected the fact that we can create a sustainable form of supporting ourselves as Equals, just as it always should have been.

Protectionism is fear based and is  another form of control to keep ‘the masses’ peacefully believing they are ‘saving their ass’ while diminishing their ability to respond– take self-responsibility – for the current conditions we are living in as the world – this means that it is the perfect implementation of ‘divide and conquer.’ People in power have obviously learned this point very well wherein they will stimulate your fear/desire of survival as ‘protectionism’ and promote it as a way to ‘guard yourself and those that you love,’  either family or friends usually, which will create a false sense of comfort based on ‘protecting’ yourself from a perpetual evil that has been self created all along.

When we break-through fear, we become actual stronger beings. This is exactly what people don’t want to realize because the more we see and open our eyes to the reality we have accepted, the easier it will be to realize that we have been brainwashed all this time and that  we can in fact create a change by the single fact of having been living in a system based on blatant lies and abuse for such a long time without ever pondering ‘why’ we are living in such disparity, suffering and abuse if the Earth and what is here is not charging us at all for what we eat and require to live.

The only motivation must be based on Equality as the realization of who I really am, and this ‘I’ includes all as one as equal – though this is not to get all emotional and sympathetic, it’s an actual realization that I am equally responsible for everything in this world: the abuse, the negligence toward all other life forms, the disregard of realizing that every other human and living being is also myself as well as the acceptance and absolute compliance to the current system which is capitalism.

Now within this context, denigrating Equality to a form of ‘massification’ can only reveal a lack of understanding of what the word implies as a living realization of who we really are. This is not a problem because we were all in the very same condition after having been equally brainwashed by our so-called authorities in this world – parents, teachers and the general structure of this world- as well as the money that dictates how everything moves, who lives and who dies.

Any proposal presented by someone and it’s not based in common sense, will pose a threat to humanity instead of an actual solution – this is by simple deduction.  (If it’s not advocating best for all then there is a set of special conditions applied only for some = separation.)

I invite you and anyone reading this to take a moment to learn about what I am saying here, check out the links below which are two websites that will change your life if you have agreed with some or all of the points I’ve exposed in this blog.

I don’t speak for ‘myself’ only, I speak and direct myself within the common sensical perspective that anyone could express in equality just by the fact of being another living being in this world. This  is how we measure our equality,  see for yourself.

http://www.destonians.com

http://www.desteni.org

http://www.equalmoney.org

http://wiki.destonians.com

words


The ‘Feel Good’ times

I fooled myself so many times trying to seek something of ‘meaning’ and ‘value’ outside of myself that I ended up looking for ‘something’ that could make sense of this world in almost every single religion, philosophy, gnosticism, physical practices and anything that I could use as a point of giving myself some meaning and purpose in a world where nothing made sense to me.

I got stuck into spirituality for quite a while using it as a way to not face my physical reality while placing all my attention into that which I thought was ‘real’ as the intangible realm where the “true self” existed – quite a paradox in terms of the definition of reality, yet I tricked myself very well into my own belief systems.

I can read my writings from that time and they are all filled with words that could be nice enough to sell hallmark cards. I hid behind words that sounded pretty enough to be  a constant attempt to speak like walking poetry and in that, becoming another brick on the wall of the false-portrayal of what is here as this world, becoming comfortable in sugar-coating this reality. I hid behind knowledge that made me feel special, superior, ‘all knowing’ and almost ‘too good’ to be in the physical world.

I thought of my body as a cage and in that, I did nothing else but separating myself from it further and further, keeping myself busy in my mind, building up a personality that I could present on to others as ‘who I am’ and be excused for not fitting in, for having this ‘kind-hearted’ way of being wherein I saw myself as a living tarot card, a ‘guide’ of sorts or a guru living in the modern times just so that I could be and remain  ‘special’ for those people in my world who would also support this mindset of mine.

I dug the nice spot I built for myself: thinking positively, seeking love, talking about the realm of the intangible and trying to find some freedom from this ‘oppressive world’ through following my greatest excitement. I made of my life a series of self-created fleeting moments and coincidences that could keep me trapped believing that all of it would make sense someday, that I was following a certain pattern as one of the many life lessons that I had to fulfill to eventually complete my ‘mission’ in this world. Yes, no different to being playing  a a game of sorts. I got to be quite obsessive about numbers, names, people, ‘meant-to-be’ experiences in my reality, books, pictures – I was thinking my reality through a filter of some ‘divine hand’ guiding it all. I never realized I was doing it all for myself in fact.

Apparently, god’s mission for me was being nothing else but a fucked up energy interrupter that could go up to the ‘highest excitement’ and then drop down to the deepest pit of denial and misery wherein I would mostly seek to get back on top again through self-created experiences.

Fascinating that I sought people that could feel exactly the same way I did, so that we could all delude ourselves into a comfortable foggy existence wherein we could agree that ‘the world is fucked because there must be a reason for such people to suffer,’ and where karma became the most comfortable belief I took on to not feel ‘bad’ – or even daring to think of myself as responsible – about seeing poor people on the streets.  I would say to myself ‘They must be paying some bad actions from a previous life, they are not only ‘there’ because of this world being fucked, no. There is a higher reason and purpose for it.” Yes, it could be embarrassing to share this but I’ve walked through the points so I’m simply sharing them as they were – no strings attached as I can only recall the general aspects of my reality back then, which was subdued not only because of all the belief systems I was integrating within myself, but because of the daily habits of seducing myself into the realm of the intangible where I could justify it with artistic explorations and solace in the multiple coincidences that I could take on as ‘signs’ indicating that I was on ‘the right path.’ A bunch of crap obviously.

Hiding in spirituality was a great thing for the sake of keeping an acceptable personality that is pretty noble and smiley and seeking beauty all around – literally – that made me popular in my family for a while, lol. What no one really knew is that such happiness wasn’t the ‘naturally good spirited me,’ it was self induced by means that are not necessarily endorphins or a genuine sense of self fulfillment, but more like in a sense of fool-fill-ment through smoking weed as that was the only way that I thought I could ‘get to understand’ reality, that I could be relaxed and enjoying while making of every moment like an episode in a life-series of events wherein I would eventually finish the ‘quest’ by obtaining some type of ‘superior knowledge’ and become super enlightened and be blissfully happy ever after. All of it was a major reverend fuckup.

Now, I’m not recriminating this to myself, it’s taken me years to be able to be writing this out the same way that I could write about my day today and how I got partially intimidated when walking past three older males wherein I realized oh fuck I’m still reacting to seeing men walking down the street with certain aspects that I could consider ‘attractive’ – you know? that type of experiences that are just like regular for human beings lol.

Why I’m writing this today is because I tend to create some type of self-evaluation according to the time of the year. 4 Years ago around these days I was into conspiracies and pretty much starting to believe that something marvelous would happen in ‘4 years time’ and that we were only waiting for it all to unfold in such a nice and blissful way that it would blow all our troubles away, and wash our suffering with some type of magical dust that we could snort and be eternally fulfilled with.  Yes, that’s only an exaggeration of how I thought of this world and reality back then.

Though it was actually through conspiracy theories that I started stepping out of the usual mysticism I had cultivated and getting into knowing the facts that I had absolutely dismissed my entire life. It was a time where I began being ‘afraid’ of the unknown once again because of seeing how there were all of these secret societies trying to control the world and how we were only puppets putting up the show while others moved the strings at their will. Once again, we got really into it and spent several days researching while having our usual past-times doing the regular stuff like ‘being creative’ and pondering about our ‘meant to be’ lives together. Yes I’m talking about the friend/partner that I’d spent almost my entire day with.

One night we actually stumbled upon a Desteni video, a Hitler’s video yet we only saw the beginning as the entire breathing in out freaked him out and took it as a joke. I wanted to see more but, hell, I was quite a submissive one back then and wasn’t  in my full senses either to be self-directive enough – so I complied and allowed the point to just ‘sweep away.’ We really got ourselves into this weird mind state wherein we thought we were discovering the greatest secrets of the world at last, we went around the reptilian point several times which was something that I had definitely considered as a nice myth to entertain humans and nothing else. We all now know how that went  on in reality.

I started getting more interested in meaningful dates and years like 2012 and the mayan calendar which was explained by Ian Xel Lungold while he was alive, and I certainly got hooked on his explanations about it. I devoured his lectures, so I sought for more and in doing that, bam! I found Desteni’s videos on the mayan calendar with Ian Xel Lungold from the afterlife. That was the first video that I saw, I got so excited I texted my mother about it, I almost pee myself out of the excitement as it was just mindblowing for me to be having such characters speaking through the portal. Again channeling was something ‘familiar’ to me, so I didn’t even question that point at the time. I proceeded to register at the forum and began my daily marathons of watching all the material while rolling a joint for the sake of ‘being able to handle the truth.’ It was quite a nice timing as I was completely alone in my apartment during the winter break of my second year in art school. I never thought that my life as I knew it would change forever from that day on.

After 4 years I am grateful that I found Desteni right before I was going to be really screwed-into spirituality and other forms of ‘enlightenment’ or training myself to be some kind of healer, tarotist, or a plain deluded mystic while pretending to make some type of art that could be ‘sacred enough’ to awaken other human beings. I realize I cannot judge myself for all of this because they were all steps that lead me to where I am now, which is still here and facing myself, taking self responsibility which was a non-existent point before this.

It was 4 years ago that I tried my first acid and with that, I thought I had discovered the reality that I had sought for such a long time, everything fit and I felt just like a guru that ‘hits home’ at last. I felt special, I felt that I had to recommend that to everyone – and in fact I did – that was the only thing I required to experience to see that there was ‘something else’ that I was being subdued from. In a way it was an experience that lead me to see a bit beyond my own limitations, so all in all they were part of the game and I took the experiences as part of the same bridge to get to this point.

Now after having told the nice side of story, let’s get the points cracking. I essentially used spirituality as a form of superiority where I could have some sort of ‘control’ over this reality through knowledge, never ever considering that I was actually supporting the entire enslavement of this reality just by keeping myself well deluded in spiritual topics. I neglected the entire world, I could only ‘feel bad’ about other people’s situations, yet saw myself as too incapable to do something about it. That’s how I would feel when watching all those conspiracy theories and such, I saw myself as incapable of becoming a point of change and I only saw ‘spirituality’ as a potential way to solve the problems of this world. It’s not that I never really ‘cared’, I did, but didn’t care for myself and didn’t even consider that I had to first accept and support myself as the individual that I am. I was seeking so much ‘outside of myself’ that I was completely neglecting my own life and reality which is what we now know is what must be taken as a point of Self Responsibility before anything else.

That’s how I began walking this process, as awkward as it was to sit on my bed and beginning to read Veno’s self forgiveness statements as a training point to see how to do it and how it ‘worked.’ From that moment on, it’s been a process of learning through trial and error which is what this process is about. We’re not wanting to keep everyone of us in a certain type of confinement, we actually learn through facing our reality while having the support and necessary tools to see how we can direct ourselves in a way that is best for all.

And for this and many other reasons I’m grateful for finding Desteni, this is just one of the main aspects of it which is stepping out of my habits/ addictions and faith in the spiritual realms. I instead realized I had to do this for myself and this was probably the most valuable point anyone could have ever let me know about.

Thanks for reading and visit the desteni forums to check out what I’m talking about.

personalmythology


Catharsis

This is a word that I came across with through Sunette whose post I’ll place at the end of this entry for the sake of realizing how it is that we have created all forms of nice words to justify our own mindfucks – literally.

The point here is how this word has become part of the ‘basic formation’ within the study of arts/human expression and their psyche wherein traditional knowledge that goes as far as the Greek tradition is brought ‘here’ to teach people how it is that those that are ‘creators’ as ‘artists’ have this particular quirk, hoisted almost as this ‘special gift’ of being able to  ‘release themselves’ through the exacerbation of human emotions/feelings directed through certain form of performance/expression. This goes as far as the times of Aristotle who explained catharsis in his poetic as a process of ‘purification’ in an almost ‘spiritual’ way, the human purging itself through the expression of such emotions in an apparent ‘detached’ manner which is mostly allowed within theatrical representation in what was originally tragedy. That book is one of the basic ‘pillars’ that you get to read when being involved in some artistic study which I got to prove in two different careers.

The point here is how I ‘resonated’ with this single explanation as the key to justify my own identification with all the emotions and feelings I experienced as well as the continuation of them wherein I literally used this term to justify my experiences as a catalyzer to my ‘expression’. I got to read this book when I first went into studying literature  and since then it became ‘the banner’ I’d take to justify my decision to leave such career and get myself into arts, because ‘I had a lot to express’ rather than dissecting books in a ‘scientific method’. I remember the teachers in literature being very passionate on describing how wonderful human emotions are – there is a LOT of brainwashing going on in such acceptance of emotions as part of ‘human nature’ and any form of considered ‘art’.

So, this is how we go passing on from generation after generation the same bullshit that has been experienced as humanity within the safe tags of it being ‘knowledge’/tradition and ‘education’ wherein any person that gets themselves into an artistic career encounters this word and ‘feels comprehended’ as in ‘having found the place to be in’ because that’s how I experienced myself without EVER pondering at all that such emotions and feelings weren’t actually ‘me’ or ‘real’ for that matter. I t is only now that we know they are energy-generated self-accepted thoughts that generate experiences that I accepted as ‘who I am’, while living in a constant shifty-mode of ups and downs and literally being subject to my emotions and relationships formed around that, while attempting to ‘make a career out of it’ –once again believing that this could ‘make sense’ at the end of it all and that there was a ‘place for me in this world’, wherein the ‘incomprehensible me’ could finally express and be ‘understood’ through being an emotional and sensitive person whose life-purpose was to ‘create art’.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in the self-created experience named and accepted as ‘catharsis’ as the deliberate acts of exacerbating my emotions and feelings for the sake of believing I was ‘expressing myself’ as who I really am and ‘purging myself out’ through directing such outbursts and experiences in what I could deem as ‘artistic expression’, without having ever considered or even questioned the ‘nature’ of such experiences and how I had been the creator of them all throughout my life, never considering that such ‘tormented way’ of existing was in fact self-generated for the sake of making of my life ‘something’, some type of ‘experience’ to not feel ‘empty’ – within this accepting and allowing myself to build myself as a character that would be a prey of emotions and feelings and utilize excuses such as ‘catharsis’ to immerse myself in the depths of my own mind only to come up with anything out and manifest it as ‘part of who I am’ and ‘the need to express’ as ‘works of art’.

The only expression that I truly am exists here as breathe – in-out, one-two – and the rest is just my own mental creation really of which we I realize now I’ve got to take self responsibility for.

We have the ability to now decide and direct ourselves to stand as actual creators that don’t have to motivate themselves to do anything for the sake of ‘purging ourselves’, but instead realize that any build up of emotions and feelings can be self forgiven and within that, we enable us to have a blank page to walk upon each day, without having to check upon our mood-meter to see if we’re up for ‘creating’ or moving and working on something.

From Sunette’s writings:

“Studying, and came across the word: catharsis – “the purging of the emotions or relieving of the emotional tensions esp. through certain kinds of art as tragedy or music.”
http://dictionary.reference.co​m/browse/catharsis

One do not need/require music/art to purge/release/relieve self from/of accumulated / built-up energy that one manifested through/as time, breath by breath as self accepted and allowed self to participate in/as thoughts/memories of/as mind, as all the issues that self has not directed/resolved/solved within/as self.”

I met someone that I later shared with how I was walking this process through Desteni and Self Forgiveness and Writing ourselves to freedom. He insisted that his theatrical-class would have similar effects to what I had shared as the changing of me through stopping my emotions  and that he could experience a ‘release’ the moment of ‘becoming another’ and exerting all the anger and built up of emotions through such fictional character – yet played and lived-out by him. This is an example of  the infamous ‘Catharsis’ and how this man didn’t actually take on further the initiative to investigate HOW such emotional build up had been self-created throughout his life wherein he’d gotten himself to the point of ‘losing himself’ only to find then a ‘way’ to let all of his emotional body out through playing out a character on stage without taking the necessary steps to investigate how such anger and such charge of emotional rubbish was existent within him = in essence taking the tangent way out instead of daring to face himself as his own creation and take self responsibility for it. YET the point is justified within the ‘artistic world’ and even applauded as ‘great performance’ when the actual reality of such ‘human nature’ is not investigated and only ‘accepted’ as part of ‘who we are’; it’s ludicrous how such ‘tormented self experience’ is broadly accepted as part of the individuals that define themselves as ‘artists’. I stopped defining myself as such, I am a human being in the process of becoming a living-physical being, no more identification with any social-role that is defined and confined to be a bundle of emotions. And this is certainly broadly accepted by everyone within such artistic-worlds.

‘It’s always been this way, this is how we are, we are only humans’ – these are some of the usual sayings that justify  the fact that the human being is prey of his own feelings and emotions. I’ve heard people saying that they can only ‘create’ when they’re in a certain mood and how they can justify their inaction due to going through some ‘emotional release/conflict/whatever’ – and this IS then seen as ‘acceptable’! because of having the ‘credential’ of ‘being an artist’ and thus living out the stereotype of tormented sensitive character of existence that can have major uplifts and catastrophic down-hills that people then ‘applaud’ as the “creations” stemming from such liberation/purging are then praised as masterpieces.

Now, all of this I’m able to say in such detail because I’ve walked the point, I’ve believed this myself before, I’ve used it in public as a way to ‘justify what I do’. I used this point of knowledge as vantage point to justify myself as ‘my personality’, my mood, my feelings, my emotions, my attachment to constantly ‘been experiencing something’ and within this, man, the ‘artist’ tag really sucks. Everyone is a literal self-centered ego-maniac that believes that ‘to make real art, we have to suffer’ – that was me and thus the rest of my story in the previous blog which I suggest you read if you haven’t just for the sake of getting the scoop on how we live-out a point of justification within this world, a word that is ‘convenient’ for someone like an ‘artist’ to exist-as regardless of ever questioning HOW the fuck it is all self.created anyways. I can only be glad that I stopped myself before going deeper into the rabbit hole of this ‘emotional-driven creation’ justification.

“Only releasing/relieving/purging self from/of such emotions/feelings is not a long-term/eternal solution that’ll bring change within self and self’s world, because the cause/source/origin of what manifested/created the reactions in the first place hasn’t been identified and so, if one only accept/allow self to purge/release/relieve the energy, self will walk into a time-loop and recreate the same conditions and even worse, because the same unresolved issues/problems within self will layer and layer and layer and eventually manifest self into a possessive-state and take-out self’s unresolved issues onto/towards others or one’s world as the manifested-consequence for not facing what self is accepting and allowing to hide/suppress/ignore within/as self.

Assist/support self with self forgiveness together-with self-corrective application, become the catharsis within/as one’s own world/living – through taking responsibility for one’s internal issues/problems and reactions by releasing self from the energy-reactions and at the same time, through writing – establish effective, directive solutions for the issues/problems self face within self and self’s world and accordingly change one’s living/behaviour to that of solutions; rather than hiding/mulling within the problems within self and self’s world making one’s life unnecessarily more difficult than it’s required to be.

In this, self assist/support self to identify the issue/problem – stop the energy-reactions, find and establish a solution and so make a change within self and self’s world where self will no more accept/allow the same issues/problems to accumulate / manifest and in this process, actually expand self within ‘who self is and how/what self live’.
Be/become a being of change/transformation and expansion – join us in the process of writing, self forgiveness and self-corrective action.” – Sunette Spies

So after reading this self-support point, here redefining Catharsis as the actual lived process of purging myself of any feeling and or emotion as the participation of myself in my mind that I have justified as ‘necessary for creation’ / to create/ to be creative and within that, ensure that anytime that I express myself is here as myself as breath of life without existing in any emotional charge that I then go ‘praising’ as part of my ‘sensitive side of being a human being that feels’ and stops for the sake of seeing things for what they are and thus, direct myself according to stopping such self-created experiences. I see and realize that I’ve lived up to the expectation of a preprogrammed word that in essence holds irresponsibility and negligence towards any self created experience as feelings/emotions.

I stop the accepted and allowed existence and knowledge-point from such word  being lived out/ experienced and/or justified as myself as part of ‘who I am’ within any point of expression and instead, commit myself to  face me and realize that only an ego requires justification to do something, only an ego requires validation and further confirmation of being an experience created in the mind and being cheered for that.

So, quite easy to live in a simplistic way once that such constant requirement to ‘be experiencing something to create’ is stopped. Then we don’t go seeking for ‘inspiration’ or any other life experience to then have something to speak about. We rather get real and express ourselves as what we’ve become, that’s kind of like written educational cautionary tales that can support many to realize what we’ve realized through our life experience.Instead we live out the correction to actually LIVE as being here breathing, physically, directing ourselves, stopping any mind experience and within this existing as actual self-expression that can be equated to breathing as what’s supportive of a life-process.

 

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