Category Archives: nervousness

501. Taking Responsibility Sets Us Free

Or how to Own our Creation, Learn from it and Stand up from it as a process of self-empowerment

 

This morning I noticed how we have the ability to wake up in stability but at the least movement of my mind assessing my current reality and a process of change and consequence I am facing, I experienced the movement of what I can define as energy in the form of anxiety and nervousness, also accessing imagination as future projections, outflows and potential situations where I would be facing and owning my creation, taking responsibility for a consequence I have co-created.

In these moments I also saw how in my mind, what I was doing is in fact bringing up the same anxiety or nervousness I had experienced in the past, long time ago when having to confront a situation, when I would mostly go into fear, anxiety, nervousness and worry while playing out these future moments in my mind where I would be confronting a situation, walking through the process it will involve and making it a worst case scenario in my mind through participating in these emotions charged to potential outcomes that I have associated with ‘worst case scenarios’ in my life before.

Therefore I had to stop and ask ‘what am I creating in this moment?’ because I could see this experience is here more as a memory of my past experience when facing somewhat similar consequences, yet I was re-enacting them again, exactly ‘feeling’ or ‘experiencing’ myself as who I was in those precise moments of imagining the worst and making of a situation that yes will involve changes, adaptations, walking through consequences yet in that moment I also actively decided to ask myself: why do I have to be the exact same memory of myself ‘back then’ when I am not the same person anymore that I was back then?

Here a very interesting point of awareness emerged which is noticing the conditioning of ‘who we are’ based on memories and past experiences wherein in my mind I learned to associate this kind of ‘problem’ or ‘conflict’ with a particular set of responses at an emotional level, which I was recreating to the T this time around.

So I saw how it is my decision to not play out those same experiences anymore – and what emerged was a bunch of justifications, how it is ‘normal’ to have this kind of emotions in situations like this and how it is kind of ‘expected’ for me to feel overwhelmed in this anxiety and nervousness – I decided to stop that again and instead focused on reminding me that those experiences I have self-forgiven, I have walked and understood as patterns that I have created before to ‘face’ things, but I had to now integrate within myself the realization that I don’t have to live through this consequence and situation just like every other time before when I had a ‘worst case scenario’ or what I’ve defined even as ‘worst case scenario’.

This also means that I realized it is up to me how I decide to See and Perceive things, which started from me stopping from the get to my ‘usual’ past ways of dealing with situations like this, feeling like a victim, feeling ‘worthless’ or feeling like I had done something utterly and completely wrong and that I was cursed for life – lol. So, yeah that was me facing a point that I created in my life and when it would not work out ‘the expected way’ I would yes, usually go into blame, victimization, not wanting to admit my role in the problem and consequences. All of that was disempowering as hell, because one can feed up those experiences as emotions up to the brim, and no result will ever come out of that, I can guarantee you, that’s how people spend years and years hooked on a kind of worst-past-case-scenario situation and existing in guilt, blame, remorse, what ifs, victimization, etc.. that’s definitely not who I decide to be this time in my life.

So, what is empowering is that I was able to make a clear decision to not judge others, to not hold it up ‘against’ anyone here, but entirely focus on my own responsibility in creating this situation/outflow as a problem, conflict or what I usually would define as ‘worst case scenario’ in my life, which is also something I am deciding now that I am writing it out to not see it that way, because that’s also how we condition ourselves to ‘label’ things in our minds and accordingly already prepare our ‘armor’ of emotions that usually go attached to ‘worst case scenarios’ and I decide to not do it any longer either.

Up to this time of the day, the anxiety or nervousness attached to future projections has come up several times, but I keep standing in that moment in my body and breathing and not even allowing the first ‘spike’ of the nervousness to ‘flourish’ but breathing it in, while realizing this is not what I decide to feed and letting it go.

Here of course understanding that I have worked on these emotions in relation to this situation real time when I saw the emotions becoming overwhelming, and from there living out the correction which is to not fuel, to not ‘go there’ and try and find anything in projecting these future moments – instead I have been reminding myself of ‘stick to the moment’ so as to not lay out my coming future in front of me as a series of unfortunate events, because surely, that’s how we doom ourselves in our day to day if we focus on all the ‘pile of things’ that we will face, but rather take it moment by moment, breath by breath and this has been a very supportive way to face this conflictive situations.

Another point then and as a title to this blog is owning my creation and realizing that taking responsibility for my part in the creation of this whole outflow comes from the moment that I stepped into the creation of this situation, and all the way through to what is now one of the outflows that I had also considered before, yet ‘went into it’ because I went into hope that it could function and work out for the best, but here again then reminding myself to not hold on to a potential so much if actions are demonstrating more than intentions the reality of things.

So, in my case then it is about reminding myself, actively, in every moment that an experience of sadness, sorrow, an experience of failure emerges in me, I remind myself that I have created this outcome, therefore there is no point in experiencing more about it, I can only focus on the next steps to create solutions.

Thus in owning my creation, my consequence I also empower myself in not depending on something or someone for me to stand up and be directive in my experience, because I don’t blame others or I don’t go into only seeing ‘the problem’ only and keep myself reacting to it – instead I understand that I can change my experience through it, that it doesn’t’ have to be as how ‘everyone faces conflicts’ in their lives and that this is again supportive in my life as I can only ever learn from my creation and take responsibility for it, to again consider these play outs and consequences for my life and what I decide to create for myself.

Here also then as I write that, a slight anxiety comes as changes are ahead, however again that is only based on a memory of how I used to always ‘face’ situations of change, of the unknown, or stepping out of a comfort zone, yet what do I know? I create my future in every moment that I am living here, there is no ‘future’ in fact guaranteed out there so in fact it is a series of decisions of what I do or don’t do on every moment.  I am also aware that no matter what, I have my self-trust, my self-awareness, my ability to discern and expand myself as it may be required.

Here then a very cool suggestion I got is to not only see the problems, conflicts or loss as ‘all the negative’ that we are having to change, correct, align and let go of, but also at the opportunities that emerge from it, what I gain as a process of growth with it because nothing in our lives, not even those ‘mistakes’ that we could hold us captive in blame for ages, are ‘in vain’ – we decide to make them ‘in vain’ if we don’t learn and grow from experiences, and we repeat the same and same and same over again.

Therefore I decide to also learn from my creation, to own it, to walk through it from its beginning to its end, and at the same time go walking through the challenges it will bring and see these challenges not as ‘difficulties’ but as opportunities to grow as well.

This is then what also ‘sets us free’ in owning our creation, in taking responsibility for what we’ve done and become, that we at the same time recognize our ability to change, to adapt, to expand, to grow and ultimately that’s what life is really about, whether we happen to like it or not, lol, the only thing that is certain is constant change and we can decide whether that change is for the best or for the worst, up to us yet, I also see that whenever ‘big’ consequences hit our doors, it is also an opportunity for growth.

So, I’d say it’s time for us to learn to approach problems, conflicts, consequences or so-called ‘worst case scenarios’ in absolute self-responsibility, willingness to learn from it and stand up from it. That’s the kind of decisions that I know! First hand, we are not ‘naturally’ doing or ‘comfortable’ with, and I noticed a load of memory baggage as reasons why I should be in a very bad emotional experience right now, but I decided to challenge that and at the same time work with whatever it is still coming out in my mind and so physical experience, because it also just won’t stop coming out, but I can definitely change who I am in relation to what ‘pops out’ and remain directive, take it breath by breath, moment by moment, and that’s how we can liberate ourselves from ‘the burden’ while at the same time not escaping or evading the consequence or point to change and walk itself, but remaining self-directive as one walks the consequence and at the same time seeing it as a point of self-change and self-growth.

Thanks for reading.

 

Recommended audios:

 

Azul

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419. Devaluation of Self

It’s fascinating that when we operate in terms of ‘values’ and we value people according to who we perceive them to be – as their amount of studies, knowledge and information and generally known success in life, we sometimes create the notion of ‘famous people’ or people that could be generally perceived as ‘more important than’ or ‘superior’ to others that we have defined as ‘plain mortals’ so to speak. I noticed that this exists within me in the form of considering that some people who I would like to invite for discussions could be ‘too famous’ to actually want to be in a live discussion with me/us.

 

Louis Vuitton Morton

 

This came up as I was sharing with others about a particular person I would like to invite to a live online discussion and even if I know I am directing myself to propose it and actually eventually create it, I noticed a sharp pain on my right leg, quite on the surface but unusual though so I got to know from the person I was talking to how this relates to one’s foundation of support, and from some older notes, the flow of expression. So what came behind the proposal to interview this individual were also aspects of self-doubt in relation to how I have valued/perceived the person to be. So I realized how I tend to create these limitations based on how I have ‘valued’ a person according to their ‘accrued interest’ on knowledge and information and so how I see myself considering it would be ‘unreasonable’ or ‘unbelievable’ or ‘out of reach’ or ‘requiring something more than what I got’ to be able to actually approach another individual to discuss topics that we for sure have in common to discuss.  But then again, how/what has in fact placed such limitation? Myself based on the perception of these individuals being already interviewed by other media and ‘professional anchors’ so in this, I actually create my own limitation because I then look at the person not for the actual purpose of having a chat with them would be, which is a point that benefits everyone in fact, but I then first pull out a point of doubt of whether ‘we are up to the height’ required for it.

So in this particular practical considerations are required. For sure it would imply that I for example, have to ensure I read up to and continue educating myself to get more background on the person and their work so that I can have that same foundation for such conversation, that’s just practical stuff that I do anyways – so what changed? Well, the idea of ‘who’ the person is, so here we go!

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to consider person x as ‘way too unreachable for a chat’ considering that I have placed this person as an ‘important individual’ in their spheres of influence and within that ultimately believing that ‘they would not care/agree to have a chat with us’ without realizing that in this, I am in fact giving up or already going into defeat before even trying, so WTF?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that I would require something ‘more’ in order to be able to invite someone for a chat, such as greater production or more publicity or else, without realizing that what I/we do is what is possible at the moment and using the means that we have at our reach and as such the simplicity of it and the use of cost-less resources does not diminish the quality of the production as the conversation in itself – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a predisposition in the belief that this individual will only accept an interview if it comes from some major media outlet, without realizing that in this I am already giving up to even actually going for it and making an invitation to the person – within this, my approach has to be equal and one as with every other person I invite and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of inferiority toward an individual that I consider ‘unreachable’ or ‘too famous’ or ‘too prestigious’ to be part of a conversation with me/us online – in this I realize that through this perception of the person being ‘more than’ I created my own limitation toward them and so creating an experience of uncertainty of myself in relation to how that conversation would develop – without realizing that this is all only my own mind patterns and experiences that I have created throughout time toward particular people that I have considered as ‘famous’ and ‘well known’ to be ‘out of reach’ people and me considering having a discussion with them something extravagant, meaning going ‘out of reason’ of what I would consider would be ‘suitable’ for me, which is all existent as a scheme of values that I’ve placed toward myself and others, which is unacceptable as the starting point of the whole thing is actually to promote and create a more equal society.

In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually experience a tinge of fear of having a discussion with someone that I had previously somewhat antagonized and in this, I realized that my previous stance toward basically everyone that did not agree with how I saw solutions should be was that of rather continuous criticism, which obviously will lead us nowhere and so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually fear that my previous criticism and mockery toward the movement that this person stands for comes back to me in the form of the person rejecting my invitation for a live discussion – in this I realize that the actual fear is that the person could use what I previously said against me and against this renewed effort to rather work together. I realize that in this I have to first forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to criticize an individual’s work and overall movement as a non-working solution, without realizing that yes we all make mistakes and what I have learned throughout these years is precisely to not create enemies, but rather be able to find a common ground and that’s my current stance. Therefore I hereby declare that I have forgiven myself for having created antagonism toward other individuals that didn’t ‘suit’ my perceptions and ideas and plans for what I define as ‘real change,’ and now that we are coming to a common ground, it seems possible that we can in fact then advocate for the same principle, which is cool and in this ultimately it’s about me being clear on where I stand in relation to this individual and the movement he stands for itself, wherein I am willing to accept my past perceptions and mistakes and so be willing to obviously start anew as this is what we all require to do in the world: to forgive ourselves for our assumptions and judgments made toward ourselves and others in order to start from scratch and building relationships that go beyond ego or ‘who’s right’ and ‘who’s wrong,’ but rather get to work together as equals.

Ultimately in all of this, I realize how my own perceptions, beliefs and past ‘trespasses’ could create a limitation in expanding toward working and contacting people that I consider are now aligning more and more with the solutions we also advocate – and so it is absolutely necessary to stop ourselves as ego from becoming an obstacle in the development that we can in fact carry out for the betterment not only of ‘ourselves’ as individuals, but for the causes that we actually stand for – this means: principle must always override any ego.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose a sense of ‘not being up to the height’ of another and believing that ‘the person would not want to discuss with me’ because of me not having a particular ‘popular’ stance or reputation or believing that I would require to have some sense of ‘official recognition’ in order to be able to invite certain individuals, as if there was like this ‘scale of values’ that one would have to gather in order to do so. I realize that this limitation is absolutely something built over my own perceptions toward people based on their knowledge, their information, their careers and professions, their relationships, their leadership positions and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more weight to knowledge, information, careers, relationships with what I have defined as ‘important people’ and within this create a limitation of ‘who I would be capable and able to establish a conversation with’ based on who I perceive them to be or what I would perceive they would think if a ‘regular person’ like me asks them for an interview.

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use terms like ‘being a regular person’ or a ‘mortal’ meaning a person that has no ‘laureate’ from the system or that has a specific recognition or validation at system level in relation to the topics I want to discuss, wherein I then create the usual trap of ‘not being qualified’ at the eyes of others, which is part of the problem we have co-created in our society wherein we believe that one is only ‘capable’ if you are given a ‘license’ as a permission and validation that you in fact ‘know’ about something, all part of the same system of credentials and values that exist and that yes, are required at the moment in the system – but this does not diminish someone’s ability and capacity to do the same or even more than what a person with a license has.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others would only accept or consider me to be reliable if I had some sort of recognition ‘out in the system’ so that a person then would not reject an interview with me – and within this I forgive myself that I have actually accepted and allowed myself to assume what a person would ‘expect of me’ or the kind of ‘licenses’ they would expect me to have or the amount of knowledge that ‘they would want me to have’ in order to have a conversation with them, which is all, once again, speculation and ideas based on how I have seen for example the academic world operates in hierarchical levels wherein for example teachers and their apprentices are seen as ‘more than’ any other individual in the same institution.

This actually comes from my own experiences of imposing a superior value to people in academia in fact, people that I have considered as ‘too way up in the academic world’ and that I’ve perceived that everyone reveres to them, and that they are ‘not up for just any regular chat’ which I then realized it was false once that I got to know ‘important people’ that one would see on TV or in high academic circles and at the same time seeing them in their regular life just like any other ‘mortal’ therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to having carried this idea of some people being ‘holier than thou’ based on my perception of the person being ‘famous’ or ‘well known’ or having some kind of ‘important academic position’ or being ‘an artist’ or else, who are all the individuals that I placed as ‘more than myself’ including politicians of course and probably kings just because of the whole propaganda and brainwashing that is created based on the amount of ‘importance’ we believe we must give certain individuals and ‘feel’ different toward them as well, instead of realizing we are in fact equals and no amount of knowledge and information should make anyone ‘holier’ than another as it’s all based on mind values, on knowledge and information and yes, we are ultimately all made of flesh and bones and are all mortals in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever learn from my family how to behave with ‘well known individuals’ and politics and people that I have considered as ‘rich’ and ‘very important people’ – apparently – that I kind of learned that I should revere in a way, and act even more service-like which is absolutely – excuse the word – fucked up. I realize that this comes from me witnessing how my family would revere to politicians whenever they would come to parties and kind of even change their stance to appear more service-like and ‘affable’ and ‘giving them the keys to their house’ so to speak, as if these individuals were ‘more’ than any other guest in the house. This comes of course from the imposition of value/power/authority and even ‘fame’ and recognition to particular individuals based on the position that they have in society for example – therefore

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should get even ‘nervous’ or up to the expectation of having someone ‘popular’ or ‘famous’ or ‘well known’ talking with me because of imposing the same experiences that I got from witnessing my family and how they would behave with ‘important people’ like artists or politicians and within this, copy the exact same experience that I would perceive others would have around these people, which was that of excitement, nervousness and wanting everything to be ‘top notch’ FOR THEM, which is the whole ‘service-like’ attitude that I learned one ‘should have’ when dealing with someone that is considered famous, more important or – god, dare I say – more valuable than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still see a person that is ‘well known’ through the eyes of knowledge and information, through the eyes of the mind wherein I see a person based on the amount of recognition, fame, perceived authority based on the position they occupy or else and within this forget about equality because I still place this veil of ‘importance’ over others, which is of course unacceptable as I realize that we are all in fact one and equal and that we have in fact consolidated and continued to accept the current status quo based on this mind-hierarchy that we act out almost ‘by default’ toward perceived important/famous people, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see some of those ‘famous individuals’ as ‘more than myself’ and this comes from the time when I would approach any artist for example and request their autograph as a child and how excited I would get from these experiences, because I learned that people that were on TV then ‘were more famous than’ anyone else therefore associating value with ‘being on TV’ or any other ‘well known position,’ which implies immediately placing myself as ‘not up to that height’ so to speak – but really, all of these ideas of importance, height, prestige, fame, recognition are all values that I have associated with a ‘superiority’ instead of realizing that they are in fact words that denote the actual work and life experience as well as trajectory that an individual or group of individuals have crated throughout their life to get to certain positions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add a positive and superiority value to the word ‘prestige’ wherein the fact that someone can be well known, respected and has achieved quite a lot in their life becomes an ‘added value’ in my perception and thus placing myself as ‘less than’ them based on such achievements, which I realize is a point of self-separation when one identifies oneself or another based on the amount of knowledge and information they have or ‘how’ other individuals perceive them, which is all seen through the mind’s eye.

 

Instead prestige is simply recognizing the well-known work and recognition of an individual’s life experience and contributions wherein their work  and their deeds speak by themselves and as such widespread recognition and respect is an outflow of their life, their work and contributions being supportive for others as well, which is definitely what we should all direct ourselves to aim at being and becoming in our lives, to leave our lifetime of supporting to create a world that is best for all, and so live self-respect, which means that someone’s work and recognition becomes their own life and what they say/do and act on, which is nothing more or nothing less than life, it is simply an example that we can learn from and so also see as the potential that exists within each one of us.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word ‘fame’ with an experience of superiority and ‘more than’ others comparison, instead of realizing that fame as being known or being excellent in something is not an ‘added value’ to another individual, but simply what they have achieved through their own direction and creation – whether it is for ‘good fame’ or ‘bad fame’ it is simply the general perception of ‘who another is’ based on their words and actions. Therefore, there is no need to add an experience to fame or who am I toward perceived ‘famous people’ because it is simply recognizing another’s life, trajectory, expertise and/or mastering in certain fields as yet another example of what we can do and become if we are equally diligent in the work and dedication to achieve something, which is a general trait that ‘famous people’ get to do, whether it is for constructive or destructive outcomes.

Of course the way to live fame a constructive type of fame is to become well known by one’s living example of being a solution to the world instead of a destructive role model for sure, so in that our own perceived ‘values’ over one another would have to veer toward valuing as in recognizing another individual as an example of our own potential based on how one lives by principles that recognize our equality and that consider at all times what is best for all.

Therefore, it is not to see these words of prestige, fame, recognition as a synonym of ‘superiority’ at all, but rather seeing them as the result and consolidation of their names as public figures based on the actual work they do, based on how they have contributed to the common good, which is ultimately someone that I can definitely say is respectable and for sure someone that should be recognized by all people for what they’ve done/ achieved in their lifetime. This is then the physical living and work talking for itself, which doesn’t make the person ‘more’ than another either, but simply realizing that yes they have done the actual work, they have done the actual walking of a particular point that took them to be in a certain position that they are in the world system.

 

 

 

It is interesting how even culturally we learn how to create a particular excitement or even fear when being around a particular ‘famous person,’ as if they were in fact having this ‘divine aura’ around them which doesn’t make sense as they are just humans too. Sure, one can have a particular fondness toward another individual but ultimately any person that does believe that they are ‘superior’ to others based on their fame, their work, their knowledge and information, their lifetime experience is in fact then acting from ego, and as such it is for sure their point to ultimately realize. But here, my point of self-responsibility is to ensure that I am not the one that is coming from/approaching another based on these value-systems that have led us to continue stratifying our society – this is unacceptable.

So, the corrective process is that when and as I see myself going into any slight refraction of a doubt when it comes to my ability and capability of approaching a person that I have defined as ‘important’ or ‘well known’ I make sure I identify what is it exactly that is creating the shift so that I can see what fear or what expectation came up that created such experience, and so I bring myself to the awareness that we are all human beings and there is no one ‘more than’ or ‘less than’ and so I should not place my mind’s eye as the ones to decide ‘who I am’ toward another or jumping into conclusions of ‘what the other people would ask of me’ but rather ensure that my decision to approach another is based on first of all, equality, support and the openness to dialogue and work together within the principle of what is best for all. I realize that I have to ensure that I do not use my past and my past experiences as a limitation toward approaching people or my fears/excitements or general ideas of ‘superior people’ as a veil for me to not act in common sense which means: being my own foundation and structure to give myself direction to do something based on the assessment of my ability and capability to do so.

In this, ‘who’ the other person is becomes irrelevant which means, my perception upon them is not to be used as a determining factor for it – this is about me assessing the benefit of such conversation, the potential supportive outcome of it that is best for all parts. Within this, is also necessary and quite valid to make a personal assessment of where I would require to sharpen up my studies and my review of information in order to be ‘up to date’ with what we could discuss in a conversation, but this does not mean that it’s also going to be some kind of ‘duel’ of knowledge and information either, because the starting point of this is precisely to share what each person gets to know of, understand and/or create as solutions that we can all share and learn from. Therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would have to be at certain level of ‘knowledge and info’ to be ‘ready’ to talk with another, which in a way it does make sense to be prepared but not to the level of ‘wanting to know it all’ already, otherwise, what would be the point of having a conversation with another if not to learn more from each other and so strengthen ourselves equally.

 

I realize that this is also the influence of the current debate programs and interview TV shows wherein some of the interviewers challenge the person they interview sometimes to the point of ‘who knows more’ or ‘who can win’ which is the whole ‘debating’ aspect that is actually detrimental to the public watching because we then recreate the notion that someone has to be absolutely right and others absolutely wrong or dismissed – instead of realizing that a conversation with people that I have not so much previous contact with should be about having them share their perspectives, learn and take what’s best as well as learn how to listen to the points that I might not agree with, however by creating an antagonism only on that we create further rifts and problems where the actual common ground can be dismissed, which is not cool, not acceptable in a world wherein it’s easier to wage wars than creating dialogues to establish ‘peace’ so to speak.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive people that have written out books or published an exorbitant amount of words as ‘more than myself’ and within this, realizing that if the starting point is placing ‘who am I’ as an individual against another individual, ego will always create a barrier and prevent me from actually expanding and rather learning from others. In this thus, I realize that I have to ensure that my own limitations carried from the past ‘learned inferiority’ toward certain individuals doesn’t become an obstacle to me actually stretching out hands and creating contact with people that I had regarded as ‘more’ than myself, and to always realize that whenever I see anyone as ‘more than myself’ I become the very continuation of the problem I am  trying to resolve which is inequality, which is the continuation of hierarchical values and the notion of ‘power’ and superiority embedded onto something/someone above ‘the rest.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up at ‘first try’ after contacting certain individuals, without realizing that my approach was still coming from this already ‘made up expectation’ of ‘they won’t accept/ they won’t even reply’ or else, which is then what happened and then became a form of ‘defeatism’ in terms of trying to approach certain individuals.

In this thus my sole responsibility is to ensure that I realize that it’s not ‘me’ that is asking for that interview, it’s about me as the principle and foundation I stand for and as with the purpose of learning from others, of sharing supportive outcomes for humanity that is asking for such interview – therefore I do not have to place myself as ‘my persona’ before me when doing my job which is to establish connections and communication with people no matter ‘who’ it is.

In this, I realize this is the point to apply, a practical equality toward people and stopping my mind’s view upon others based on ‘who’ I perceive they are, and instead I commit myself to focus on their words, their work, their visible and practical solutions and contributions to society, which is what I am interested as a person that represents an organization that stands for the principle of what is best for all life.  In this I have to also recognize myself and to not ‘devalue’ me based on the perceived ‘validations’ I would require to ‘make me/my words/what I stand for’ as ‘valid’ or ‘recognizable’ in the world system, as I realize that there is currently no such ‘validation’ and due importance given to the consideration and realization of life in equality, of supporting one another, of truly working together for best for all outcomes and so , how can I expect me/us to have such ‘recognition’ in a world that recognizes and places fame on the exact opposite?

There’s no visible honoring toward life yet so we have to build it from scratch so I commit myself to stop expecting some form of ‘validation’ or ‘recognition’ or ‘credits’ in order to give further steps of expansion within myself and my process of communicating with others – and instead rather recognize that it is our own work, our own consistency and dedication that which makes us valuable as the principles that we stand and live by – ultimately that’s just the value of life for life and that’s rather what I decide to dedicate myself to honor, to honor life not world-system credentials and ‘values’ placed in separation of who we really are as equals, which is also what’s worth while supporting and sharing with others.

 

I commit myself to imposing money-talk to others too wherein I value others based on ideas related to energy and money, which is not who we really are and so I rather develop a communication based on living principles where equality stands as our undeniable common ground to work on.

 

All Life Is Equal

 

Read people recognizing Life in Equality in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.

 


265. Seeking for the Next Fix: a LIEfstyle

A key aspect that we use as an excuse, reason and justification to ‘evade reality’ is precisely the way in which we have accepted and allowed ourselves to shape reality as, which is through relationships of abuse and mutual neglect. It isn’t pretty and that is why we turn to love, light, spirituality, happiness, fulfillment, enjoyment which is mostly translated to drugs and spirituality or spiritual-entheogen trips that lead to the ultimate high that is quite difficult to let go as an experience, and it is quite fascinating how such Experience becomes a constant ‘thrill’ that is sought by individuals, revolving their entire lives around these moments wherein they can feel ‘more alive’ or ‘more connected to themselves’ and existing in this paradise like realm of their mind in a virtual reality formed through visions that are upgraded to the status of revelations and mythical encounters that one is apparently getting to as a ‘moreness’ of oneself.

 

So here I want to focus in the mechanisms that lead oneself to seek for this evasion of reality and justifying it with some sense of ‘spirituality,’ which has become another excuse to seek ‘peace and love’  – like in the 60’s – while adding the ‘transcendental’ aspect to make it seem more ‘evolved’ in nature, yet at the level of who we are as the mind, it’s exactly the same thing.

 

This constant seeking for the ‘good experience’ is precisely explained in the Quantum Systemization interview: Quantum Systemization – Mind Wallpaper System – Part 14 wherein this ‘feel good experiences’ are in essence covering up the actual reality that is existent as our inherent nature that we are constantly seeking to cover up/ sugar up and spice in order to hide from facing ourselves as our mind, our reality, our creation.

While listening to this interview, it became clear to answer the questions as to why we have always had in the back of our heads ‘all I want in life is to be happy’ and how we will do all that we can to justify our happiness thrill, claim that we are hurting/harming no one in order to remain seeking this personal blissful self-experience that in fact is stemming not from a benevolent truthful desire to become a better human being, but to evade reality, to ‘see more’ and eventually end up hooking only within the experience that we perceive as absolutely positive and nice with all the fluffy silky experiences in the mind. Well, what has been unknown so far within our human knowledge at the expense of what we are able to generate such marvelous self-experiences, and that is: at the expense of the human physical body – read the entire series to get more information on this, including:

155. Are we all Cannibals? « and a quote that sums it all up:

 

“Where I had within and throughout my Life, created who I am in my mind, and connected everything/everyone into and as my who I am in my Mind and so emerged into/as physicality reality through a Mind/as a Mind. Where, the processes of thinking/internal conversations emerged as how I would, within my Mind-Reality and the relationships I had formed within it – evolve it through thinking, and having internal conversations within myself and substantiate the Mind through/with energy/energy-experience as I make my internal alternate mind reality of actual physical reality ‘alive’. And so create an entire ILLUSION of what it means to live/be alive, not seeing, realising and understanding how for the Mind to exist, the Physical Body is sacrificed..” – Sunette Spies – Thought Designs – Part 2: DAY 154

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

So, before we get to the spirituality realm of justifications to seek for the positive, seek to get a constant experience of this ‘godhood’ through drugs and believe that everything is just fantastic “outside of our bodies” while seeking to connect with a higher force, let’s look at the reality conditions that I have summed up today from a group chat wherein we discussed all the entertainment and forms of distraction that we have used in order to not become politically active, which should in essence be an inherent living condition to our human-nature, meaning: we are social beings, we live in an organism, we Should care about all aspects that define and decide the way that we live and interact within this same ecosystem. Thus it should be already a matter of psychological dysfunction to think and believe that we should only look after our own interests while holding the constant backchat of ‘I don’t care about anyone else but me,’ which is the type of cancerous thinking that we end up wanting to run away from when we avoid realizing how we have created our reality through such constant and continuous thinking processes, which is us participating in the mind to create our reality: big problem.

 

Drugs are pervasive within all circles/castes in society: wealthy, ‘middle class’ and people living in extreme poverty, all use drugs alike. It should already be a matter of public health crisis to see this problem, why is it that no amount of apparent ‘well being’ can also mitigate the need to get high/ consume drugs. In fact, when having a lot of money, you get power-high and seek for further forms of entertainment that usually incorporate more ‘extreme’ activities as entertainment that usually entail more abuse that elevate the energetic ‘kick’ out of it. This is why people turn to for example, extreme sadist pornography/ snuff films, killing and torturing animals, ritualistic abuses and rites of passage that lead to an apparent ‘welcoming’ to a certain era/phase or place in a human’s life, absolutely gut revolting when considering to what extent we regard suffering as a form to prove oneself being ‘strong enough’ to make it in this world – Evolution, anyone?

 

Alcohol, drugs, sex, entertainment and its multiple hybrids and variations are always sought. Once again, here we are not looking at ‘why’ drugs are bad or good, but the root-cause of such pervasive desire to ‘escape from reality’ which I gathered from our group conversation:

poverty, lack of resources, wealth, uselessness, evading reality, freedom from the ‘hooks’ of the mind, feeling good, escaping from stress, fitting in, socializing, keeping awake, passing time, disinhibiting purposes, wild sex,  personal reward system, moment of distraction justified by not harming anyone, earning such heavenly moment through hard work, relaxation, getting a break from oneself, turning the tables, opposing the system, spiting society, being progressive, being liberal, being transgressive, open mindedness, spiritual purposes, self-connection, enlightenment, mitigating hunger, avoiding pain, boredom, anxiety, nervousness, hyperactivity, depression, looking for a thrill, wanting to ‘feel alive!’ and the list goes on….

 

what do all of these processes have in common? The mind. These are Not physical experiences craved by the physical body to exist, they are Mind experiences that we have believed ourselves to be/ become and seek to escape from, quite a conundrum to see how we have built our entire civilization based on this desire to ‘feel good’ wherein physical needs and requirements are neglected and mind-desires and obsessions are fueled and supported as an actual ‘living right,’ as proof of this,  it’s easier to see a TV and drugs in a poor family home than proper sewage and potable water systems, along with decent infrastructure and food – and by drugs I don’t only mean ‘hard drugs,’ but alcohol is part of the generic term that should be applied to alcohol as a social self-indulgent drug that has been made ‘mild’ due to the key factor it represents in the numbing and dumbing down of society –as well as the juicy profit – and believe that everyone is being ‘free to exert their right to drink,’ which is one of the main reasons why people want to get to their 18 or 21 years of age: to be legally able to be self-abusive and… vote, yes of course…

 

Social responsibility have been thrown out of the window because: monkey see, monkey do and through this, we are all taking ourselves down the plughole to a massive electric shock to ‘feel good’ and define that as enjoyment. Now, we have gotten hooked on self abuse through looking at such self-abuse all around us, because not giving proper support to all living beings is self abusive, not caring enough about life to create immediate solutions to live in dignity is deliberate self abuse and neglect, not giving a damn about all the resources in the Earth that we are consuming to build our ‘civilizations’ is self-abusive.

 

So we create our ‘windows of escapism’ from the nightmare and hell we all help build and recreate every single day that we define ‘who we are’ as the mind.  – Catch the drift?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so addicted and hooked on to my own thoughts, feelings and emotions that I have sought to get More of such energetic experiences, regardless of the amount of abuse it entails –

I realize that the outflows we are facing as humanity is our consequence for having followed through with energy and the mind while neglecting physical reality as who I really am and must honor in Equality and I see that everything that I have ever participated in as the mind is the Lie that we have used to consume the Life that we are and embody, and as such have used the same mind to formulate reasons, excuses and justifications to ‘keep our party alive,’ pretending one can genuinely ‘forget’ about something and not have it all come back 10 times fold once the high is gone.

 

I commit myself to explain and properly share how it is that through one’s own self-addiction to the mind, we have created this current world of vanity and egoism that only seeks to ‘feel good’ and believe that ‘no one is being harmed through it,’ which is quite the ultimate declaration of the cells that compound the cancer as the desire for more, as an ‘overgrowth’ that must be brought to justice by our own hand: we educate ourselves, we support people to wake up and the decision must be made by self as an actual irrevocable decision to never again support the same abusive system that we have become as the externalization of the relationship between the mind and the physical body.

 

I commit myself to live the realization that it is only through equal and one support that we can stop seeking to ‘escape from reality’ and instead look forward to live and create a real living-environment where getting high becomes a real thing of the past.

 

We will continue with this in the next post – suggest you review the long list and spot where and how you are trying to escape your reality and what do you use to do so.

 

For Further Support:

Desteni

Desteni Lite Process

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System.

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:

Never wait to change, it might be too late:

 

What is it that we Like so much about our Reality that we will not Move ourselves to Change?


244. How to Prevent School Shootings

Humanity Must Look Within First – Journey To Life Self-Investigation

 

Are school shootings another Sign of the End Times?

Reading about another shooting –  reading  AGAIN  about another shooting makes us ponder why the pattern keeps unfolding without any conclusive realization to understand what is causing these events in the first place.

We resort to talking about how ‘monstrous’ these events are, point fingers at the perpetrators and see them as the problem. Then we talk about  Gun Control, which is one of the reasons why these weapons are readily available for  virtually anyone having enough money to get one in the ‘gun fairs’ in America or through any other illegal manner in such case. We know it’s in their 2nd amendment, we know that the NRA is virtually paying thousands to prevent any form of gun-regulation taking place which could result in a loss of their own profiteering clubs with expensive memberships, seems impossible to overcome but, who decided the power of money overall as the actual decision maker in this world-system in the first place? We did.

We have discussed the ubiquitous violence in the media as a way to inspire people to commit mass murders  in real life upon others, we have talked about the usual ‘profile’ that these people present and how to not look at ‘types of people’ but what causes such behavior in the first place. But these are only outflows and consequences of a point that exists before guns, before violence in the media, before antidepressants and mentally instable people: it is our own responsibility as human beings to regard life as equal within ourselves, toward each other, toward our children and  the world system as a whole. Do we currently live in a world system that provides unconditional living support to ensure that all beings are having ‘the time of their lives’ on Earth? No, and that should already be considered a source for mental instability, because we all have played blind to not see how wrong it is to go living our lives pursuing happiness while leaving some billions to live on the streets or starve to death.

 

I read the news, this time it’s not teenagers that have been killed, but kids. What could drive anyone to kill innocent children? The point is not any longer where he got the guns from, whether he was a fan of ‘disturbing music’ or taking antidepressants, but how we raise our children and how much do we really take into consideration every single spec of our environment as an actual source of “Education” that is mostly nowadays obviously filled with guns, drugs, violence as a form of ‘killing time,’ because there is ‘nothing else to do’ in a world where everyone is just surviving in a dog eat dog world. What do you do for fun? Shoot up drugs, grab guns and kill people, develop any other form of escapism through becoming addicted to virtually Anything that can give you a temporary High in this world that mostly represents a low for everyone, simply because- once again – everyone’s been taught that you should be Happy and search for it no-matter what. No one considered to what extent consumerism could backfire with people now being on so many drugs to ‘overcome’ mental instability and then acting out in reality such ‘insoluble problem’ out on others, exerting all that anger and frustration as a final statement that could ‘hopefully’ open other people’s eyes and ears to the reality we’re living in.

 

But, where is our responsibility in this? The mind. Every single event, every single move that has caused us to attempt against life can only be generated by thinking processes in our minds – there’s no other way to that. As humanity, we have failed to see ourselves as our own mind as the source and cause of the problems we face in reality. We blame our media, our guns, our wars, our economic system,  our entertainment and drugs, our news, our fascinations but: where do they Begin in the first place? Why do we need to protect ourselves and creating guns for that? Why do we require to wage wars to become more ‘powerful’ than other nations? Why do we resort to hyper-emotions as a form of entertainment to compensate for a ‘lack of successful living’ or ‘happy go lucky lives’? Why do we see our economic system as unfair and unequal but not question who has chosen – accepted and allowed – it to be so in the first place? Why do we resort to mind numbing entertainment and drugs to suppress our actual inner experience? Why do we get scared of listening ‘negative stuff’ on the news and rather watch something more ‘positive’ instead? Why do we have morbid fascinations in a world wherein one is taught to seek your ‘greatest excitement’ and if shooting people is presented on video games and movies as a source of empowerment, then why the hell is it so ‘strange’ that someone dares to live it out in real life? And even more so, these shootings are a desperate cry , a wake up call to make a difference in this world, to realize how fucked up everything is – it is not just a point made by a ‘bad person’ in a ‘bad world’ that was ‘lost and confused,’ come on.

If we could do a door to door survey on each person’s ‘mental stability’ and drug consumption of any form – from sex, legal and illegal drugs, excessive food consumption,  alcoholism, shopping, entertainment, exercise, pornography, codependent relationships and the list goes on –  we would realize we are All trying to Escape ourselves, in one way or another, even if you consider yourself the healthiest person, ask yourself whether money then is actually that conditional pillar of support for any perceived well being.  and that is obviously then an addiction to feeling good through that which enables such feeling good in the first place: money. Other than that, no one is ‘happy’ in this world and we use and abuse each other to get some form of content experience that only leads to contempt on the long run, because it’s not sustainable, because it is self abusive – but then, are we then working on establishing a permanent solution for this inner-experience? Not yet.

 

Could it be that because not everyone is given Equal Money to Live in dignity that any form of mental instability is created? Think about it, people are growing more isolated and depressed despite our so-called evolution and technological advancements and the reason why is because we can live in great looking places with all sorts and variety of shit that no one really needs,  but in the inside, there’s not  a single spec of self respect as living beings – why? Because everybody knows that life’s being sold and abused in order to generate this well being.

(Read We’re living longer than ever…but suffering more pain, depression and illness as a result

 

Now, this background is necessary because we often tend to look at the environmental conditions of a person’s life that could lead them to commit such atrocities, but we never question:  who gave a damn about this person’s life? who was listening to him? How was his relationship with family/ peers? Did anyone know what was going inside him, how he viewed the world/ reality, what his fascinations grew up to be? I am perfectly aware that we are all great liars when it comes to presenting a nice presentation of ourselves and be seemingly ‘normal’ at the eyes of others, but fuck knows what goes on in our minds and the moment we are Possessed by what we brew up there: problem, because we will usually follow that which we believe within ourselves makes sense and as such, will justify even the most heinous crimes in any self righteous act of ‘making a statement’ for example, and that’s just because we were never taught to honor each other as equals, to regard our life and that of others as actually something that should be honored in the first place. But no, all we learn is how to despise, compete, spite and abuse others in the name of self empowerment.  And all of this stems from a single point that is lacking: a principled living of Life in Equality based on Prevention.

 

What would prevention imply?

Parental education to become absolutely aware of themselves to begin with from the initial moment that they see themselves as wanting to ‘have children’ and what that will actually imply in the absolute meaning of the words: giving birth to life. That is currently not understood at all and children are being brought into this world as an automated starting point of desire to ‘have a family’ without any actual regard to life as a point that must be cultivated from the moment of conception till the very last days of a living human being within the consideration of honoring each other’s life in all ways. That is not existent – why? Because the very world system that we have created is not regarding life in equality, is not honoring each other’s life within a system and structure that could support everyone to live in equality and have at everyone’s disposition the best ways in which one can educate and learn living skills to actually LIVE not ‘cope’ or only ‘have fun’ with reality.

 

There’s the usual pattern again: people that become depressed and lonely with ‘autistic behaviors’ because of not caring and worthing themselves,because there are no life values and self-worth promoted in this world from birth, it is all just diverted to buying/ consuming and getting something that will give you a temporary High even if that High implies wanting the world to end or shoot little kids in elementary schools, just because no one taught you that it is possible to change everything that you hate about yourself and this world. These thoughts of just wanting everything to go down the drain is existent in every single one of us, and as one person said in one of the videos about ‘wanting doomsday’ as  a form of irresponsibility, we are all such characters every time that we opt to follow through with our suppressions through any form of drug or consumption of life to have a positive experience and ‘keep it up’ than daring to look at the reality of ourselves as absolutely unsatisfied due to what we’ve become as persons, as this world system and the abuse inflicted upon all life forms as a result of this  – which is what this new shooter made visible: there are consequences that will emerge from our neglect toward each other as equals, as ‘valuable.’

 

The reality is that the consequences are already catching up with us faster than ever, and probably a lot more of these events will come if we do not place our focus to understand that the lack of parental skills is the actual matter of National Emergency and a Real problem of Social Health. The lack of consideration to provide equal unconditional support for all human beings is a Real Problem that is causing people to rather ‘escape’ and ‘evade’ reality than taking any form of actual responsibility to see how we are educating our children, what are our values, what are we defining as ‘living’ in this world, do we really even Care about ourselves – not to say each other – why do we rather take drugs to stop depressions instead of pondering How we accepted and allowed ourselves to exist only as a mind that experiences such ‘lows’ in a world where all Highs are sold and promoted all the time  – from money itself, to food, to clothes, cars, entertainment, guns, sugar, drugs of course and anything else that we believe will make us happy.

 

These events are a massive backfire of everything that we’ve become: seekers of our greater ‘truths’ and happiness in some form of bubbly American dream lifestyle based on consumption and abuse upon life, caring only about ourselves and ‘our loved ones’ and flipping the finger to the rest. Some people had to carry out such abuse in a blatant manner to make a statement of how we are consuming and abusing innocent lives in order to satisfy our human egolution  in our attempt to become the ‘most powerful ones’ while disregarding any form of consequence that such vulgar and brutal display of power implies.

 

Are we ready to realize that these shootings are not to be cried after but actually take back to self to see where and how we are accepting and allowing All of the above mentioned conditions as a ‘normal’ part of our society? Are we willing to face the consequences such as these shootings and any other chronic problems such as wars that are killing not only 22 kids in an elementary school, but thousands of children as ‘civilian casualties’ in massive attacks wherever wars are taking place – or even worse: kids that are being handed guns in order to become soldiers to fight for their nation.

 

Are we wiling to give up our so-called lifestyles for a single life to dedicate ourselves to create a solution that will ensure no other person feels so damned miserable and depressed to take a gun and shoot children and as such ensure children are able to roam free in this Earth – or are we willing to continue ignoring ourselves, our minds, our bodies, each and every single particle of life around us in the name of self interest wherein ‘as long as I am ‘okay’ then I don’t really care’?

 

How far are consequences having to manifest in order to wake up. This is a loud cry to wake up from our massive self-induced carelessness because we all learned only to ‘care for ourselves’ and essentially, don’t give a fuck about the rest. Well, our individualism is now being reaped and it’s plain to see that this world is the reflection of every single thought we’ve kept within our minds toward ourselves and each other – hence the problem is not a single country or ‘culture’ in this world, it is a human-crisis that begins at a mind level and the fact that we haven’t questioned our own instabilities as our own consequence of what we value in life in separation of ourselves already indicates that we are still to blind to acknowledge the simplicity of the problem beginning at a single thought level.

 

I urge you to take a look within yourself first and where you stand within and toward any of the points mentioned here. It is our collective responsibility to educate ourselves to learn how to coexist as equals and as such to democratically create and vote for a system that will ensure Life  is Lived in Equality in all ways – there will Not be a single person trying to make a statement of living in a great big sad and filthy world if we all commit ourselves in this lifetime to become an example of what it is to say I STOP and  instead direct ourselves to become part of a collective effort to create the necessary policies, monetary, educational and health care systems that can stand as a platform to support ourselves as life, dignified and honored within and without

Please research the Equal Money System, we Really don’t have to get to the point of massive obliteration of reality killing one another – there is a way to prevent and stop these events if we all collectively agree to take Self Responsibility and join our efforts as a force of common sense that is willing to declare a final cease to abuse of life on Earth.  That is our responsibility and measure of prevention.

 

“The Physical World was Designed, to Mirror the Actions of Humanity and to Show the Delusions of the Mind. Therefore you can take the Mind away, and Earth will Continue. You can take the Human Away, and Earth will Continue. But, you Introduce the Human with the Mind – and the Spiteful manner in which it Refuse to take Responsibility for Life: and the World and Nature will be Devastated.

The Evidence is Clear – the Self Honesty is Not.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

Further Support:

 

Blogs:

 

 

Documentaries:

 

 

Vlogs:

 

Read Further:

Interviews:

Life Review – The Consciousness of a Mass-Murderer
Life Review – The Consciousness of a Suicide-Bomber

212. Opposing the System= Act of Ignorance

     

    The Revolutionary Character

     

As we have walked our own life reviews as our own process, I realized that my immediate incorporation within Desteni had to do with agreeing on establishing a betterment for humanity in all ways. However, what I’ve heard in interviews on Eqafe is how most of us had seen ‘the evil’ in this world in one way or another, had experienced it ourselves which is why we decided to stand up for Life in Equality. I could not make much sense of that if I only took my life into consideration. I mean, yes as I mentioned in the last blog 211. Why is Life a Struggle? Why Can’t All be just HAPPY? there were times of financial distress at home, but it was never to the extent of actually having a tough life or going through any other form of suffering as many people do. So, what had I witnessed then in my reality that piled up to a desire for this world to change?  Being living in a third world country, seeing corruption everywhere, people cheating to get the most, that became quite an obvious point for me all the time to witness in my life, even from the time when I was a little girl and supposed to be informed about cartoons or stuff like that, I was already more interested in knowing what the hell could lead a person to suffer or have ‘problems in life’ if you will, more involved in adult talks than what I diminished as petty little childish games that most kids my age were into. I realize how I missed out on my childhood by wanting to ‘know about the world’ too fast, yet again it became a vital aspect within my life in order to form a certain criteria toward ‘who I am’ within this world-  obviously still limited to the confinement of my own TV set with news and information coming from it, and later on the information I got in my school about world economics and political systems with a great professor whom till this day, I would clone and give one to all people since most of the information that we are now watching in documentaries that ‘expose the truth’ was given to me by him, I guess I can say that ‘knowing the truth’ partly also lead me to see that there was something absolutely wrong going on wherein people were mostly unaware of the actual mechanisms that make this world go round.

So, my own reality check in this country – Mexico – seeing how the business world functioned, how our money had suddenly ‘lost three zeros’ and no one made a single comment other than ‘practicality purposes’ about it, being aware of endless protests, crime, shootings, robberies, assaults, kidnappings, drug trafficking and the list goes on and on, made me realize that there had to be a way to establish a solution in this world, and within that, I became a character for a while which was linked to ‘wanting change’ but mostly, being absolutely unaware of how me protesting against some governor’s pedophilia could make in any way a real change in the way he would govern the city.  I just tagged along with people that saw that as incorrect and followed through with endless talks about how ‘wrong’ the system was – as I have explained also in past blogs, all based in actual ignorance of how the system works, really.   And so I begin with explaining some of the most prominent points that come to mind today.

 

Red Fears

I remember my first approach and interaction with anything having to do with Communism while growing up. A friend of my mother had come from Russia – then USSR – to escape the poverty she was experiencing in her birthplace, my mother was her dentist and so I became aware of her being from another place due to her funny Spanish accent, I’m talking about me being probably 5 years old or so. My parents explained to me about Communism being this government-modality that was very detrimental for people’s lives, people were going poor really fast and so she had decided to come her to make a ‘better living’ condition for herself. I had the same approach with some other older lady that was also a friend of ours and she was from Chile, had come to Mexico as a refugee in the 80’s  – it was interesting seeing people escaping from their country for one or another reason. I didn’t question that, nor did I have much understanding about the world back then, but I do see that the communist reference became part of me integrating the so called red-fear from believing that: if communism is what the USSR was living in and people are wanting to escape their situation, then communism is no good.  Seems fair when it comes to logic and the information one is given about a subject, which most of the cases, we simply engulf as some sort of ‘informed decision’ with regards to what we agree or disagree in our world, little do we even ask if such information is valid in all contexts – hence the personalities built around acquired and almost inherited points of view/ opinions as the building blocks of our current division and separation in reality, missing out anything that is Real.

 

When growing up and being around 10 or so I knew that some artists here, which have become some form of Mexican icons like Frida Kahlo, Rivera and David Alfaro Siqueiros – whom I came to be very fond of while studying art – were supporters and militants of the Mexican Communist Party here. Siqueiros had been part of the military as well during the revolution – which is interesting how the people that came to be part of the military and later on became artists – Siqueiros and Beuys as a parallel point – supported new political systems that were based on a more ‘just society.’  Anyways, I realized that there was something really ‘controversial’ about the whole Communist word, not to mention that all the people that were supporters of socialism and communism in my environment were dubbed by my parents as mediocre – most of the times and other words on the same vein – simply because to them, Communism meant a rusty poor Cuba and an impoverished Russia.

 

I grew up then rather not wanting to ‘make up my mind’ about communism, and leaving it aside as something that I would somehow later on in life come to make an informed decision about. I kept a fair idea of how Marx’s communism was never implemented and all that was done was simply creating another form of control of society in very non-best-for-all ways. And that was it. Later on we begun having a lot of feedback about the Equal Money System being something linked to Communism. So obviously what must be understood here is how then Communism has been portrayed as the counter act, the ‘evil guy’ standing as the counteract toward Capitalism. What was mostly not known is how Communism had become a convenient boogie-man/ fear point to maintain people locked within the propagandistic idea that capitalism is Life, that capitalism is the best way for humanity and within that, using it as a bastion, a legion and a force that was imposed in several countries as another way of masking out colonialism in the name of ‘progress,’ which is what capitalism came to be defined as for the most part.

 

Corruption

When I became aware of the world system as in there being a president in our nation, one of the so-called most corrupted presidents in our ‘modern era’ was in office. I grew up having constant references to the NAFTA and solidarity, progress, under development, devaluation and later on crisis– all these words were constant imprints from the news, while always hearing adult talks and hearing their complains about the government, the corruption. Later on it was the Zapatistas making their armed movement in 1994 and I was only 7 years old when I had quite a formed picture of our country definitely not being alright, lots of poverty and uprisings around and something had to be done, also became aware of how a lot was being left unsaid on the TV as well.  I knew Revolution was also not the way since all those paintings I had seen from the revolution indicated lots of guns, people with blood, kids crying and certainly no change had come from that time – which was early 20th century here in México. Another reference then was that my father was in Mexico City studying when the 1968 student ‘revolution’ and demonstrations took place where thousands of them were killed mercilessly by the government, such an event is still remembered till this day. He would tell this story along the lines of how unnecessary it was to create such a problem in the first place. He ended up being in jail for two days just because of ‘being around there’ and having no direct participation in it. I vowed to then never take part of such acts as I feared I could get myself in such problem as well. And never did, for the most part.

 

Murdering those that dare to Stand Up

I became aware of the murder of a presidential candidate here in 1994, he was apparently murdered because of his attempt to make a real change in this country, which was obviously against his political party’s intention. That murder became an entire ‘mystery’ while most of the people actually knowing that it was an actual complot by his own party. A world so cruel, how could that be? Killing someone that was up for change? What?  – Yes, I was only 7 years old and I remember very well the entire story and it also marked me ‘for life,’ how this person aiming to be a president being killed during his political campaign, shot to the head. 

 

Going back to Siqueiros that stood up within a political Communist party to promote a change in this country, he ended up in jail and arrested several other times for openly attacking the president and generally opposing this entire system. Watching his paintings in the Palacio de Bellas Artes allowed me to see one thing: there was something really wrong going on and I wasn’t aware of it, because I had seen it as ‘history’ as something that is ‘long gone,’ little did I know that the same processes were pretty much still ‘alive’ within the entire configuration that this system is operating with and as. We might not be carrying bullets on our chests or wearing sombreros, however the essence of the social injustice is still here while having a major system of sugar-coating the abuse through entertainment/ media that has made of this world a silenced agony and destruction, covered up colors in bright HDMI screens and entertaining masses with iPhone upgrades where we have all have become just silent self-abusers in an abusive world. Well, why have we feared standing up? Due to our history, however what ‘type’ of standing up is it that we have come to fear? The one that has created an open opposition to the system. Little did we care to investigate that there is absolutely another way to walk in this world, be within the system and implement a change.

 

Crucified for Standing Up

The problem with all these revolutionaires was that: opposing the system, begin dissidents and that will obviously always only upgrade the system to silence any form of opposition that attempts against its own survival. Hence the way is not ‘giving the finger’ to the system, but being within the system.

The fears I see related to this are mostly related to seeing how people that became part of political parties that stood up for what was defined as communism were always threatened to death, ostracized and in the end, I see that fear can be latent when one is still Opposing the system. It is so common in this country nowadays to kill anyone that dares to speak more than the usual, however it is the same point: obviously people will try and silence that which reveals their corrupted ways of going through the system, that’s an obvious survival-mode tactic. However, if we stand as a group of people that propose simply another way and form of creating a new system within this world based on life in Equality, we can certainly see that there is no need to ‘oppose’ anyone, but just present an alternative of what is possible.

 

Fear is used as the greatest form of control so that any person considering ‘changing the system’ is immediately warned about the perils that such actions bring. Fear and warnings on this subject have been ‘conveniently’ placed and existent throughout our lives when learning about history and revolutions, just another form of control which is what revolutions have actually served for: a great warning to the population in the ways of ‘this is what happens to you when you dare stand up’ – little did the people participating in such revolutions know what their desires for change would end up being used as fear-propaganda for people to remain ‘calm and quiet’ where they are, going by within a system that certainly does not support life  yet fearing doing any move or proposal to change it, because of having this constant imprint of fear dying due to Standing up for what is best for all. However, were and are our current revolutions best for all? Are wars and opposition what is BEST FOR ALL? No, not at all. This is how and why the Equal Money System is the most Sane proposal that exists within our world currently to create an actual change that is permanent and sustainable within our world  Without having to oppose anyone or fighting against any form of regime or government.  Democracy must not be an act of retaliation, vengeance or opposition toward the ‘evil one,’ it must be an actual decision to exert one’s will to be a part of a world system that stands up for All Life in Equality, for that which we All know and are aware of is Best for All, what we have All desired but have Feared standing up from – it only takes one decision in Self Responsibility to do so.

 

Activism and Revolutions

All these stories, the history we learn in our books must be reviewed within the consideration of how it has been all conveniently preserved in order to instill fears within humanity to not make a change – perfect weapon of mass control: fear for your life if you stand up for Life in Equality, for ‘Freedom’ and ‘Justice’

We are here, individuals with common sense, taking Self Responsibility toward our world and reality, realizing the acceptance and allowance of the world system that has lead us to this point at the moment wherein it is a matter of actual life or death, not only for individuals, but for Every Being Equally if we don’t get to an agreement to do and live within a system that will benefit all beings equally. This is thus not a matter of Revolutions, Oppositions, Protests, Flipping Fingers at your Presidents, firing up flags and pictures of leaders as a sign of inconformity, this is about dedicating our lives to first Educate ourselves HOW human history has developed, how we have accepted the issues that exist nowadays as an inheritance of the past, how we are the ones that must take responsibility and within this, create a political, economical and social solution that benefits ALL Equally, yes including those that are currently on the top of the world – otherwise, we already know where this fight between classes leads us to: nowhere but further upgrades within the same system of abuse.

 

This is why we say Activism is Futile as all revolutions and people that have ‘stood up’ for anything in this world have been killed, ostracized and exterminated by the system.  This is why we have explained that the real revolution begins within us, individually, the moment that we stop only caring for our individual lives and consider the whole in our thoughts, words and deeds – that’s the greatest common sensical ‘weapon’ toward everything that is promoted within this world, a ‘white glove’ smack on the face as they say here which means, using Common Sense = What is Best for ALL as the principle to live by that will eliminate the constant desire to be ‘above’ others, to maim another’s opportunity to get some form of benefit in order for you to get it first. All of these individualistic tactics is what is promoted within capitalism. We can decide to change it by standing up for Life in Equality, what a better way to slowly but surely dismantle an entire empire founded upon self-interest and selfish acts of greed. This implies that Changing Human Nature is required, and this is why and how we are walking at Desteni as the primary point of understanding the relationship that exists between ourselves as physical bodies, our mind and the current creation of this reality With the actual, real and practical solutions that each one of us, individual by individual are able to take on in order to establish a real change that will be Here as a certainty for generations to come.

Now, this is something that I am definitely willing to live for and by for the rest of my life, there is nothing else to do, be or become but standing up for what is best for all, this is the law of our being and this is what must be pursued equally by any sane person left in this world. This is thus not being a revolutionary in the sense of opposing or fighting the system, this is about changing the way live is being ‘lived’ currently and be part of the group of people that is willing to implement it until it is done.

Amen.

 

Self Forgiveness in any left overs of fears toward standing up for Life in Equality will come in the next post. Thanks for reading.

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185. Anxiety over Time

 

Anxiety is one of the physical consequences within the procrastination character – here I explore anxiety in relation to time, memories of anxiety linked with having to complete tasks or a specific ideal of ‘who I have to be’ in order to remain within the accepted and allowed self-imposed standards of being efficient, steadfast and accurate in what I do.

Physical Dimensions of Procrastination – Reaction of Anxiety

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as the experience of quivering and energetic churning in my solar plexus, extending throughout my body as all my limbs and believe that I must ‘act’ upon this experience to make it stop, without realizing that it is just the movement of energy that is throughout my body as the consequential outflow of me having created an experience toward my reality as emotions, feelings, thoughts which are only existent to generate conflict and friction within me.

 

When and as I see myself experiencing anxiety within my physical body, I stop and I breathe until the energy dissipates and I ensure that I am bringing myself here back to the physical, wherein I then rewind the moment to see what did I see, what was I thinking, what single thought emerged within me that caused me this energetic physical experience, as I see and realize that it won’t go away just by ‘breathing’ through it, but that the core and starting point of it must be clarified within me in order to take responsibility for the relationship of energy that I created toward something/ someone in separation of myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety whenever I see that I am ‘missing out’ on doing something, which is usually linked to being procrastinating a particular task wherein the single thought of ‘task’ to be completed, triggers this inner experience within me that is felt in the pit of my stomach. I realize that it is a Lot more subtle than the ‘anxiety attacks’ I would get years ago, however, it is still existent as this minute ‘bomb’ that I experience as a burst of energy that quickly fades in the solar plexus area – however, the energetic experience is still linked to me ‘knowing’ that I have to do something and me believing that ‘I don’t have enough time for it,’ which is an excuse that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘rush’ the experience of anxiety with, believing that it must be ‘done now’ and within this statement, binding myself to time instead of giving myself a practical direction to establish a moment of the day to dedicate to my task/ project to complete.

 

When and as I see myself having the thought of ‘task’ and then backchatting ‘I don’t have enough time’ – I stop and I breathe until the experience of the anxiety in the ‘pit of my stomach’ dissipates as I ensure that I return the energy back to the physical through in-out breath – as I bring myself here back to physical stability, I give myself direction in that moment to proceed to work on the task/ arrange my other tasks so that I ensure I do work on it today.

 

I realize that this energetic experience of anxiety is directly linked to ‘time’ as this ever-looming haunting presence wherein I have made of time an enemy without even wanting to realize it, thus I stop defining my day according to ‘time’ but instead direct me to move in every moment according to tasks/ points that must be completed – that way I stop binding myself to time, and work on physical reality here in every moment, ensuring I take on each point breath-by—breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be so ‘used to’ the experience of anxiety that I have managed to simply shove it aside for a moment, and believe that I could ‘live with it’ or the remains of it as this not-so overwhelming experience as it used to be, but this little tiny energetic outbursts after these years of being stopping what I called as ‘nervousness’ which was actually anxiety,  and that it was ‘part of myself’ as something that could not be entirely ‘stopped’ which is me limiting myself to my full ability to remain here as the absolute physical breath and stability that I am.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of anxiety a physical experience that I defined as my own ‘alarm’ to move on and pay attention to what was required to do, wherein I would experience anxiety whenever I was expected to move ‘fast’ and do things ‘quickly’ in order to maintain a certain expectation of my ‘performance’ within specific tasks, specifically stemming from the relationship with my father, that I’ve walked through several blogs as an example 103. Being efficient out of Fear! wherein I realized that this desire to ‘match’ my father’s perceived efficiency would cause me to get into anxiety the same way that I would observe him be and do wherein, even if he would react in anger and anxiety to direct things, everything would always work out perfectly – or so I believed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I require anxiety to perform a task, to get things done as an ‘alarm’ or ‘warning’ that there is something I must ‘get to do’ and within my own ‘rebellion’ toward my own patterns – foolishly so – I created a laxity toward this wherein I did not precisely write self forgiveness on the experience of anxiety and its origin, but tried to simply ‘breathe through it’ without actually understanding how I created the pattern myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the memory of my father rushing us all to be ready to leave the house or do a particular ‘move’ wherein I perceived his own anxiety and demanding force for everyone to just hurry and move and get out of the house in order to leave, and me creating this experience within me of what I can refer to as anxiety within the belief that moving fast/ going out of the house immediately and essentially performing any task or something that is required of me to do, has to be done with this experience at a physical level of anxiety.

Therefore, I see and realize that I have programmed myself to believe that doing something ‘out of the ordinary’ or that which I am regularly comfortable with, must have an anxiety experience toward it accompanied with a sense of rush and steadfastness that is not physical only, but always accompanied with a mix of nervousness and anxiety as the expectation of something that would happen and that I would not know how to ‘control’ or what to ‘expect’ in such situations, which is how I believed that experiencing the ‘tickling’ throughout my body was a normal physical reaction to expectations, future projections, doing something out of my regular ‘doings,’ or being specifically called out by my name to move/ do something, requires anxiety for me to ‘wake up.’

 

When and as I see myself experiencing anxiety when I am about to do a task or remember about doing it or being asked by my name to do something , I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me re-enacting that first experience of rushing/ fear/ anxiety and nervousness when I was asked to do something that I was uncertain about in relation to the point being ‘familiar’ or ‘known’ for me to Know what to expect – which is then realizing that I don’t require to have control of or be expecting something specific when dealing with a situation, when getting myself to perform a task, when going somewhere and meeting someone unknown to me as events wherein within my awareness have no reference to.

 

I commit  myself to realize that I don’t require anxiety in order to move and that it is certainly Not a normal experience whenever I am about to direct myself to perform a task, to go somewhere, meet someone, or I am simply asked to do something that I believe I am not ‘ready for.’ I realize that the readiness and steadfastness exists as who I am here as the physical breath by breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety whenever I go into a future projection of being in a situation wherein I am not ‘reaching my goal’ or ‘achieving what I expected’ or ‘fulfilling another’s expectations upon me,’ which is how I allowed myself to become the anxious and steadfast person based on the belief that I did not want to be as ‘slow’ as my sisters or mother, and within that, wanting to be ‘liked’ by my father for always being as ready, steadfast, accurate and efficient as I have perceived him to be. Within this, accepting his anxiety and usual anger as means o give direction to something or someone in a proper manner, within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I required to experience anxiety within me in order to move, do things efficiently and even more so, when directing others also having to exert anger within my desire to have everyone and everything just functioning and working the exact same way that I want it to be – wherein if something did not go out as I ‘have intended to’ I would go into absolute nervous breakdown.  In this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get anxious at the thought of that still image of me in the classroom in second grade and simply losing my focus on that ‘mental calculation’ exercise wherein we have to go making immediate multiplications and just writing down the result and me missing out one of them and so suddenly going into this extreme fear and anxiety because I saw everyone else was simply following through and ‘I’ had lost it and within this an immediate overwhelming experience rushed to my head as me not getting an ‘A’ /or 10 as it is qualified here – and within this, missing out my ‘perfection’ at that stage which was the time when I was overtly apprehensive about my reputation in school as an ‘A’ student. Thus I began crying and simply lost it, which was a way for me to also want to create a justification as in ‘poor girl, she’s crying, let’s do it all again for her,’ as a point of manipulation in order for me to have a ‘second chance,’ which obviously didn’t happen and I didn’t get a good grade and that’s how it remained as a memory to ‘keep’ due to the extensive amount of anxiety that lead to crying and the embarrassment for crying and for missing out on the exercise at the eyes of my entire class.

Within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into anxiety due to projecting onto others thoughts and beliefs of them thinking that I have simply ‘lost it’ as in missing out on the most simple stuff and within this, fearing to be stupid or dumb in that moment, which stood as an opposite of the image that I would ‘work so hard’ to maintain which was being the straight-A flawless student.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety whenever I believe that I am ‘losing my perfection’ wherein after the experiences throughout childhood of being overtly apprehensive with school, I became more ‘relaxed’ about it in order to show to others that I wasn’t as ‘apprehensive with school,’ wherein eventually it developed to the point I am facing today which is the ‘I don’t care’ character stemming from that initial stage in my life of extensive anxiety and apprehension toward school and doing everything ‘perfectly’ – o the point where I believe that ‘I don’t care’ however, always maintaining almost immaculate curriculum and within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety as a suppressed way to not look at what must be done, but instead seeing it as me ‘missing out/ losing my position’ in relation to any point/ task/ project that I have to complete, thus

When and as I see myself experiencing anxiety as the accumulation of me having had this expectation of myself as being always ‘perfect’ and ‘right’ in and throughout school, generating this idea that I must then continue that personality and that because I am not moving myself to do so, I require anxiety to move as a way to generate fear within me to move myself – but! because it meets with my newly upgraded character of the apprehensive mutated into the ‘I don’t care,’ the anxiety is quieted down and immediately-instantly suppressed with an ‘I don’t care’ experience which is then creating a thought or come up with something for me to do in order to make it alright for me to not do things – thus  I see that this single play out of experience requires stopping both the anxiety and the cover up experience to the anxiety as ‘I don’t care’ in order to simply move physically and get things done.

 

I commit myself to stop waiting for me to experience a thought and anxiety afterward related to ‘doing the task’ as a way to move myself and within this, stopping the cover up experience of ‘I don’t care’ and leaving it for later – as I see and realize that as long as I continue making it ‘okay’ to save it for later, I continue the indecision and lack of self direction in one moment here, wherein I realize that I only require to make the decision and live it out as myself.

 

There’s more to come in relation to anxiety, ‘big projects’ or tasks and my looming experience that comes when thinking that ‘I have to do something’ but then going into anxiety, suppress it and continue doing something else wherein no self-movement is then occurring.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety at the moment for thinking ‘all the stuff I have to do after I post this blog’ and immediately wanting to rush to publish and ‘get done with it’ wherein I then start blaming myself for taking the time to work on the cooking process earlier and within this not prioritizing my time – thus,

When and as I see myself wanting to rush and get anxious to post my blog, I stop and I breathe until I redistribute the anxiety experience throughout my body and out through breathing, and then I realize that I require to be more directive during mornings like today wherein I can simply go straight to the writing to then focus on answering mails and everything else that must be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be rubbing my feet within the anxiety experience wherein I have become so used to the rubbing of my feet as a physical indication of anxiety and nervousness upon the realization that ‘I am behind’ something and I must ‘hurry’ as if rubbing my feet would somehow expedite the process as a constant friction experienced as the act of rubbing my feet one against the other.

When and as I see myself rubbing my feet together as a way to externalize the anxiety as the friction I am experiencing inside me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I don’t require to externalize a point of literal friction within me outside as rubbing my feet one against the other in a constant manner, as I can instead stop the anxiety from the beginning and within this

I commit myself to breathe and slow down every single moment that I see the slightest emergence of anxiety as myself as a rushing point to ‘get it done,’ and also stopping the imagination and projection of doing things ‘right away after I’m done with this,’ as it is an indication of dimensional shifts that I am participating in, wherein I am not being fully here as the finishing of the blog itself, but already wanting to ‘finish it up/ get it done’ so that it is posted, without realizing that I have been the only one that has set this ‘time’ limitation to my tasks.

Instead, I direct myself to simply make use of my time effectively wherein I see that there is no point in limiting myself according to ‘time’ but rather ensure that I work-on and direct points that are required to be directed moment by moment – one after the other – ensuring that throughout the process, I am here as breath.

I commit myself to breathe consciously and in full hereness, stopping whatever I am doing, until I can stand and ensure that I am no longer being ‘subject to’ anxiety, as I see and realize that whenever I try to only ‘cover up’ anxiety, it becomes just this something that is placed aside without really focusing on identifying the origin point and within this supporting myself physically to breathe through it until all energy is dissipated and I take responsibility for whatever is causing the anxiety within me.

I commit myself to realize that who I am is stable here as the physical and that I require no energetic experience to move myself and direct myself as I have just seen and realize how I am able to breathe through the experience until the energy dissipates and I am here stable as self.

I commit myself to ensure that I breathe until all muscles of my physical body are not tense and I experience breath being comfortably here as myself.

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