Category Archives: pattern

241. The EndGame Show: 2012

I watched Derren Brown’s The Gameshow episode which is a brilliant piece of what popular TV should become: a blatantly blunt and absolutely irrevocable proof of what we have become as humanity: full blown evil egos that have absolutely no regard toward the life of fellow living beings and dare to rejoice making a mockery out of another’s unfortunate lives that are being directed by the observers themselves.

I had to breathe in order to not participate further in further thoughts and outspoken backchat after one witness the whole thing and for a moment find yourself laughing along to what we have defined as entertaining and funny. This certainly made me realize to what extent we have brainwashed ourselves to have the most twisted sense of humor labeled as ‘normal’ to laugh upon actual evil lived out in the life of a human being that’s being secretly filmed for the de-light of everyone, even if it is entertainment gone educational, still running a show within the whole scheme of how it all functions through/ by money itself.

 

The game depicts the two options we hold in this world while living and interacting with everything and everyone here, as simple and direct as a yes and a no: to do what’s best for all/ doing onto another what you would want others to do onto you/ giving and receiving in equality/ loving thy neighbor as thyself OR essentially ‘consciously’ deciding to make another’s life their worst fucking nightmare and hell through your own direct ‘democratic vote’ to do so.

 

When the audience in this fake ‘game show’ are endowed with the godly-ability to direct what happens to a person’s life, and are given the ‘right to vote’ toward a positive and a negative outcome that would be taken on upon this man’s life – the audience, conveniently suited with masks that enhance their anonymity – cast their vote to massively decide through the majority rule vote what the life of the man would turn out to be for the night. This is a perfect depiction of how we are all nicely sitting on our asses, having our lives backed up with money in our pockets while we watch the whole planet and beings going extinct and crumbling down to ashes as a result of us having disregarded any other single particle ‘outside of ourselves’ As ourselves, equal and one, and only abused it in order to create a vulgar display of power where we are able to decide upon another’s life in a deliberate manner to feel ‘empowered..’

And! We are waiting for doomsday? Wtf.

 

Derren Brown - the Show -Evil Human Nature

 

The results are not surprising considering the inherent human nature that is Evil as the reverse of life. This show reveals to what extent – even if given the ability of ‘free choice’ as in freely choosing and deciding upon a being’s life – the majority of the people votes for all the worst to happen to the man/ subject of the show – what for? One can see the thrill as the excitement that is generated through vicariously witnessing another’s suffering and having the power to say ‘I made him go through that/ I deliberately wanted that person to have a shitty time in his life, yeah man! that’s some real fun, hey’ – Writing these words is already quite a criminal sentence, however the point that I am here to share, place out and walk through is how after watching this for a moment I felt disgusted for being a human being – again: a feeling/ experience created at a mind level as the usual disdain that I would project and cultivate toward humanity in the past, myself included, of which some layers/ dimensions will certainly come up as they are ‘stirred’ through external stimuli. I was a perfect example of how to loathe reality and still manage to get your personal interests in place. 

 

Continuing from – Evil:

194. Let the Mask Fall!

 

I realized to what extent it is relevant to speak about this topic since we’re only few days away from the great non-event that will probably only serve as an excuse to immigrate to another ‘meaningful date’ to a few years from here on – I will resume with the education point I had last shared until I lay out the latest discoveries of this character. I suggest reading the blogs listed above to get a perspective of my own fuckups with regards to how fervently I would dare to speak about things like the end of the world and rejoice about it, just like a perfect doomsday activist that I was on my way to become some years ago.

 

Throughout this Process I have realized that I cannot in any way continue creating judgments upon those that judge, that would be the obvious law of stupidity, isn’t it? It took me quite a while to grasp it and all I can say is I am applying and practicing to live humbleness after realizing my own fuckups within this aspect in my life.

 

The only reason why I prayed – figuratively speaking – for the world to end was precisely because I would generate the same type of disgust toward humanity to the one I experienced today after watching this show, a remnant of the type of thinking I would function in a 24/7 attitude in my past, and I must say that committing oneself to stop the continuous judgment has been a definitive decision that must be lived in every single moment that I decide to breathe as life and stop myself from playing the grumpy old humanity-Grinch that I had become. Obviously, it was easier to just want everything to be ‘washed away,’ sucked by some massive black hole or obliterated by some meteorite – in fact the word ‘obliterate’ holds the relationship to this ‘massive’ desire to end it all.

 

But the reality is that: I didn’t want to face what I had become, what we’ve become. I have written about this before several times but the whole death and destruction point has reached its peak, since it’s only a few days away now for Nothing to happen for once and for all.

 

You can read more  from the ‘Doomsday Character’ here:

 

Fortunately, I found self forgiveness and no, this is no  religious-sinner act here. This is about being profoundly ashamed of myself as a human being for what we’ve done and become, and be able to give myself a second chance to live, a second opportunity to start from scratch and I’ll never forget when I heard those words and decided from there on that I would choose life.

 

It is only through Self-Forgiveness that one can stand up from all the guilt, remorse, shame and all the psychological and physical heavy loaded guns that we have emptied upon ourselves, each other, the animals, the Earth, children, every single spec of life that we are obviously unaware and have disregarded while seeking for our greatest vilest excitement, which happens to be covered in sugar to disguise the fact that every form of apparent human benevolence is in fact just a blatant way to disguise our real nature, the one that can be ‘lost in the masses’ and be unable to be spotted as a perpetrator of a crime or a hideous act of nasty violence and abuse toward another fellow living part of this reality that is ourselves.

 

Can I have a single point of respect toward a human being that decides upon something really hideous to happen to another being under free choice? No, but I’ve become that as well. I have accepted and allowed the existence of a world wherein who we are has become the blatant DEMONstration of what the so-called godly given free-choice and free-will as the freedom to abuse and disrespect life in the name of self-interest as a human consciousness robot that knows nothing better but laughing at another’s disgrace and pretending there is some acceptable sense of rejoice in that. Seriously, we do that all the time.

 

We all seek happiness, bliss, joy, being content, peaceful, we wash ourselves in our benevolent acts of kindness by ‘helping others’ and showing off the super-whitened smile while secretly in the back of our head, the real evil nasty thoughts reveal that we have in fact no self-respect because if we had a single bit of integrity, we would tape our own mind from thinking any inkling of repugnant backchat and spiteful judgments toward another being. It is fucking ludicrous that anyone can possibly consider oneself as a good person, as any form of benevolent act in a world wherein our very actions on a daily basis reveal that we Only care about our own well being, our own family – fuck the rest! – our own jobs/ money/ security and let the children starve and be sold for money to feed their families –

Oh, but then again! we have our marvelous entertainment such as 2012 and the plethora of promises and hopes and positive wishes and apparent magical solutions for humanity, because in our minds we live in the delirium that ‘we deserve it’ –  Really?

We’re the almighty gods of existence here, with our elitist ways of catching up on the latest on world hunger:

About 25,000 people die every day of hunger or hunger-related causes, according to the United Nations. This is one person every three and a half seconds, as you can see on this display. Unfortunately, it is children who die most often. – poverty.com

We even got a poverty.com portal that we access in our laptops to check out some fancy numbers and statistics but  absolutely neglecting in its totality the reality of what one single reality experience of those 25 thousand beings actually experience in one single day of their lives – oh but yes, we are claiming we are empty vessels in full view and require some god, some major event to look forward to… wow, really, wow.

 

People given the free-command to decide upon a being’s life within the framework of a ‘game show’ while wearing masks to protect the oh-so-beloved ‘identity and privacy,’ collectively decide to inflict  the most hideous experiences that a single person can go through in a matter of hours – taking into consideration that such acts must be able to be broadcasted for pg-13 audience, otherwise I’m sure the evil could escalate a lot further. Now taking the same actions at a global level: how could any human being indulge in believing that as a result of a series of constant and continuous putrefactive acts, one could get some form of heavenly reward from a non-existent god as a result of one’s nastiness and brutality inflicted upon all life forms in every single second that life is disregarded and instead abused? How could such a being that is deliberately flipping the middle finger to another for the sake of a laughter in any way expect that some divine hand is going to come and wipe out the whole earth to end the suffering of everyone and some ‘special ones’ ascend to the heavens?

 

How can we as humanity, accepting and allowing this delusional and hypocritical world system in any way expect something GOOD and Benevolent emerging out of Nowhere on a single day that everyone seems to be waiting for, as if there was some mighty being or force that was actually pleased with what we’ve become in order to grant us the long-awaited doomsday. In and for all cases, we’re all equally and one doomed beyond measure for what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to become – yet this is not an excuse to say ‘it’s too much’ and then give up, as that would only indicate a timeloop that will have to be corrected anyways.

 

It is also quite a paradox that I have to recommend a TV show to witness our reality, simply because we haven’t been Paying Attention to our reality outside the door, but instead have to read about it, watch it through our HDMI screens and get a bucket of cold water to wake up from the slumber we’re in. Will we learn? Unfortunately as history has shown: we don’t. Even if millions die in world wars and keep the memory intact as if it had been in fact the most atrocious acts in humanity, we perpetrate and support with our very thinking-schemes a system that is founded upon abuse, our desires to be happy, rich, fulfilled, to be joyous and blissful at the expense of others, never minding about a single thing that must be sacrificed for such a ‘good time,’ because in the end we’re the ‘masters of disguise’ when it comes to painting an entire town red without realizing that it’s actually blood that’s been shed in order for some twisted idea of progress to exist.

 

If we could look at oil as the result of the actual processes in which  the oil itself was discovered and exploited, the suffering of the beings caused for the wars that lead to the appropriation of oil from some middle east country and the crimes committed in the name of this ‘dark gold’ as a form of quantum-memory projecting itself as you pump gas into your car, one could probably have a constant reminder of what our idea of ‘civilization’ is all about. Feeling guilty or remorseful or taking yourself to a point of wanting to commit suicide won’t do a thing, it will only make things worse because even such ‘decisions’ are made in self interest: only caring about – once again – one’s own experience and are no different in essence to a decision made to live in eternal bliss, because even death was believed to be a final-point to the book we’ve jotted upon as ‘our life.’ It is not so, definitely, it is the most stupid thing one can do as well as believing that some magic date will bring an end to this ‘torture in life.’

 

The reason why I am writing this is because I felt a nauseous experience about humanity again as I hadn’t felt in quite a while in spite of the amount of information and personal self investigation wherein we become aware of how we are Not in any way any benevolent act on Earth. But one has to be actually faced with this form of ‘entertainment’ that is revealed to be quite a blow on our face what we have deemed as ‘funny’ as ‘entertaining’ and ‘acceptable’ within the constrains of our mediated minds wherein no respect, honor and regard for life exists, at all, because all of the reverse to that is what sells well.

 

All I could think of is: I am here, I acknowledge what I’ve done, what I’ve created and propitiated within my every day living – I am no different to the beings that deliberately chooses upon the man’s ‘bad time’ on this TV show. Through my accepted and allowed existence and continuation within this system, I am in complicity to the thousands of people dying every day of starvation, I am directly responsible for the belief upon any form of hope for things ever ‘getting better’ or in the best-case scenario, or in the shape of my old secret desires, witness a full deployment of natural forces upon humanity, to just boil down the Earth to ashes – such self destructive thoughts are continually lived as our personal hells in our minds, every single day having to battle ‘the damned thing’ that is ourselves, foolishly so only battling our own minds as an experience.

 

No wonder the world is what it is, we rather cut down trees and put some shiny lights upon them and profess ‘love and peace’ for a few couple of days while massively consuming shit that we don’t need and call that ‘holy-days,’ really? Do  a research on the type of activity humans rejoice in such holy-days: massive amounts of alcohol, porn, drugs and any other form of brutal entertainment is ensued to ‘kill the dread’ that these ‘holidays’ are usually adorned with in a regular human being’s life. This is what we’ve become.

 

Now, feeling disgust and feeling any form of actual shame would only be me playing the necessary role for this massive mindfuck to continue. We all have to STOP no matter what from existing within this perpetual game of self-righteous acts of self-believed immaculate souls that actually ‘do good’ in any way whatsoever on Earth.

 

I, of course, cannot count myself out of everything that I am writing as I am writing this within the full awareness that I have not lived to the 100% that I would want to, but it still remains a ‘want,’ a ‘need’ and a ‘desire’ that is the same type of desires that can burn someone’s hands in the form of having the impulse and drive to steal, rape, murder or just commit some form of violence within the same impetus that the mind as an energetic drive creates within our physical bodies – there is no self movement yet, and that is what the correction will have to be if doomsday is to be stopped as any form of deviation toward the actual responsibility we hold as human beings toward each other as equals.

 

It is Not Real to ‘want’ to change – it is no different to wishing light and love, really. We must LIVE change, we must Ensure that No single thought toward another living being is exerted. It is to be realized that one cannot play the benevolent act within the current frames wherein benevolence is actually founded upon abuse.

 

We present common sense, the reality of how things function, the blatant truth of what we’ve become in an attempt to make ourselves feel special and unique and with some form of ‘divine seed’ awaiting to sprout some more industrial glitter to give head to further ‘love and light,’ in the hopes of getting ass-ended to the heavens of the 5th dimension – or as I wished upon – dying to forevermore cease to exist so that I would not have to face myself among such humanity that I came to despise, without realizing I was only staring back at me: self victimization as another entertainment of me and my mind alone.

 

We still have the ability to take the ‘Remote Control’ as a single decision to think, do and say what is best for all life, always – We can be carried over by this sense of deindividuation that takes place, wherein we believe that we cannot be ‘spotted on’ for not giving a damn about life, for not standing up ‘who will notice? does anybody care what I had to say? what I do and how I live MY life? Why should I place myself ‘out there’ for people that don’t give a fuck? Well, these might be well known excuses that I have participated in myself that reveal we have to actually make a deliberate action to stand up for life, otherwise the voices in our head will grow bigger than ourselves – in our mind.  It takes guts to be able to place oneself as an example of how we can take our lives from the very filthy bottom of the pit of regret that we get to when realizing what we’ve done, and have the strength to stand up and walk a daily process of self forgiveness, self introspection through writing and deciding to live and apply a practical correction in order to ensure that Never Again do we ever perpetuate what we’ve been and become, of which this world is the unfortunate genuine expression of.

 

Just as the people in Brown’s gameshow decided to NOT give what’s best for all as what they would want for themselves to this man as the main ‘subject’ of the whole experiment, we are living out that single decision in real life, idiotically following through with a system of absolute blatant self abuse wherein no one seems to give a reverend fuck as long as one is protected with enough money to live way and have some entertainment and some nice piece of land to own to look at. What about the rest? who the hell decided that we have the ability to have computers, be able to read or have our elitist lives to only be writing about all that which we have neglected and abused in our lives? yet, we are doing it , because it is what we have, it is the last call before all hell breaks lose even further than it already is, and not hearing what we say when we propose to Choose Life, Choose to Give and Receive what is Best for All, what we All would want for ourselves as the Real demonstration of what Loving our Neighbor should be, to actually create the greatest actual physical heaven on Earth, we decide to spite each other and mock the hell out of it just because ‘we can.’ 

 

Now, after all of this, going into victimization and saying ‘we don’t deserve to live’ can be just another ego game – been there, done that and as such, I direct myself to realize that any form of experience from the realization of what we’ve done and become is just another mind-game to remain in my safe spot of inaction and bypass stander-act that I have so much judged upon other human beings. This is where we realize that this all does not require further large faces and pretentious acts of ‘care,’ as the people at the end of the show reveal themselves to have. I bet the shock only lasted for a couple of hours only to get back into reality, probably still deciding to ruin someone else’s life with as much ease as pressing the button that will lead another piece-of-here toward their own personal doomsday. And still that’s a controlled act, but what about reality that is here where abuse goes inadvertently flying by under our noses every single day.

 

For that matter, this is doomsday to me: having to witness every single day through what we can read on the news, watch in documentaries, read from our very own minds is causing this world to go straight down the drain in  free fall with little to no common sense at all being integrated as who we are on Earth.  It should be a matter of alarm if you while watching the show decide that it would be fun to see the person suffer. And I questioned once the violent acts within the Roman circus with people that would rejoice seeing ‘beasts’ fighting gladiators and all forms of violence as entertainment – we already then knew what kept the masses going and happy: blood, violence, abuse, decay, that is the real show, our own game show wherein we’ve accepted that some must win and some must die. It is, to say the least, unacceptable.

 

So, I breathe and realize that the only way we are ever going to get through this is through learning how to Self-Forgive, learning how to walk practical solutions for every single point of accepted and allowed inequality, separation and neglect toward another fellow being that I have participated in within my life. Resisting or Judging Self  Forgiveness is the only way to actually redeem ourselves from our constant and consistent hideous acts of self interest that we’ve gladly cultivated without a question.

 

Time  to stop waiting around for a mighty and glorious end of the world as that is really just the festive act for the ones that are quite shitscared to face the reality of what we’ve become – I once was there in such lines, I’ve crossed the divide between projecting blame and hatred toward humanity and learned how to take self responsibility, which begins by me stopping m y own accepted and allowed continuation of separation and commit myself to LIVE, to integrate myself as a physical presence within my physical body wherein I learn how to honor each moment of life that I breathe and not participate in any further mind games that have the most consequential outflows upon life.

 

We are an organization worldwide that exists for one single purpose: establishing life in Equality on Earth through a new political and economic system  and currently provides absolutely free self support for over 5 years now of which I I have been a participant of with my own living-process that can be read from head to toe in this same pages you are reading this on. We present a never before given solution for the world’s problems in one single presentation: the Equal Money System, which is essentially doing the least voted options in Derren Brown’s experiment with people: giving to each other what we would want for ourselves, sure these people never took into consideration that such being is themselves, and how anyone that suffers in this world for that matter is also ourselves.

This means that it requires self education to learn how we can only thrive in humanity if we regard each other as equals, and for that we require to continue existing as a living-functional seed of life that has been planted in this murky sea of death and destruction. This opportunity is only lasting for a lifetime. If you decide that you would like to contribute to the minority that is currently deciding any form of benevolence upon others, join us, the more we unite in one single voice as common sense, life in equality and equal money, we can create further awareness of there being a new way of living, one where causing havoc in a being’s life is seen as the blatant abuse that it is and not something we can openly laugh at while hiding behind masks to prevent one from being seen and recognized for our true intentions that are the result of having abdicated our physical common sense in life to a mind that thrives of separation and conflict.

 

“And if you Dare to Live in Self-Interest, without Considering All Other Life as Equal: there will be a Consequence. That Consequence will come, and be Visited upon each one According to what has been Allowed throughout All Time. Man tend to very easily Forget to what Extent he Participate in Disharmony, and will use All Kinds of Ways to Achieve a Higher Consciousness without doing any Restitution to Correct the Harm Accepted and Allowed and Done in his Past Life on Earth.” – Bernard Poolman  – Day 240: Apocalypse in Heaven – ADC – Part 87

 

I’ve chosen to stop my own delusions and walk a self-corrective process in order to learn how to breathe instead of reacting with further anger while witnessing any form of neglect in our reality, as I see, realize and understand that me creating further experiences in my  mind  is no different to existing in the same mind-possessed mechanism that decides upon the very outcomes of life on Earth. unless we stop, this current highway to hell will only be walked fully with no ability to turn back.

‘Hopefully,’ 2012 will become the year that we stop indulging in any form of escapism and desires for change, but instead open our eyes to see to what extent we are actually causing our own doomsday and ‘end of days’  every single day that we reduce our living condition to a single budget sustained by a massive exploitation of resources and call that a ‘life.’

 

We Must Declare what we are willing to accept and allow and what we are not. I declare that I am not willing to accept and allow myself to create a single form of division within me toward another human being in the form of these ‘invisible entities’ as thoughts that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as, and that this becomes the actual gift that I would want to receive from any other person: I stop expecting Change outside of myself and Live it As myself.

 

As for Derren, I’ve learned important points in the past few weeks that I’ve been watching his shows online, it’s quite a brilliant way to expose humanity and made as attractive as any form of regular entertainment on national TV, that is genius – and a great source for money as well.

 

Suggestion is: support yourself, learn what common sense in Self Honesty mean, as well as reading all our blogs from the people that are already living this as a living decision of who we really are:  Journey To Life 

 

“We can take these Memories, these Buildings, our Physical Society and we can Change our Relationship to it, and to Each Other to be What is Best for All Life and we can Prevent Apocalypse. We can Change who we are, what we are, how we are, why we are – and a New World will be Born. This Way: the Old World will Pass Away and we’ll Create a New World. Then, we can Create a New Heaven because the Old One has already Passed Away.
Will we do so? Unfortunately, at this stage – it will still take Quite a While.” – Bernard Poolman

 

I will follow through in the next posts with respective self forgiveness for that usual impetus I get into whenever I react in any way toward this ‘mass’ that I belong to as humanity, which was the main reason I plead for the world to end in 2012, Self Responsibility and the ability to Stand Up is what I got.

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Desteni I Process 

“Join us at Desteni DIP Lite. The Journey to Change is Not Easy. If it was easy to Change, everybody would have. But because it is the most Difficult thing you’ll Ever Face, Real Change: very Few are Willing to Give Up their Lives as it exist now, to Give Up this One Life – to Produce on Earth a New World For All. That is the Great Service anyone can Give: Give up Self-Interest, to Serve the Interest of All, as what is Best for All Life. “  Bernard Poolman

Equal Money System

TakingMaskOff

Taking Off the Mask – 2008

 

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225. Is Living Life about Getting High?

 

“So, if you Experience God – you can just as well go and take a Drug and you will have the Same Experience.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

How many times have we equated Life to Experience? Only all the time. It should be a frightening thought to realize that we’ve never lived and that everything that we had deemed as our ‘peak experiences’ have only been energetic – read Limited – experiences that define the totality of who we are for a few seconds, minutes, hours through perpetuating our day to day living as a life-long dedication to keep seeking the same ‘feeling’ which means being addicted our whole lives seeking that ‘something’ that we can call our ‘little peace of heaven’ – in our culture – read ‘collective indoctrination/ brainwashing – we have equated living life to getting the most experiences that we have deemed as positive such as happiness, love, peace, joy and money, which enables all of these experiences as the ability to buy them.

 

Elitist Character: Drug Culture – Introduction 

 

What I’ve realized throughout this process of self support through writing and understanding our human mind is that, no matter if you take what’s regularly known as ‘drugs’ or not: we are all addicts to Energy.

But what happens when you got the basics to live/ you got what you essentially NEED to have a proper life and you got some money to spare? Well, you certainly look for more and more ways to ‘fill in the void’ that is experienced every day, isn’t it? It’s as if the air we breathe, the body that keeps us living here is just ‘not enough’ and there’s this something that keeps tormenting us… is it really ‘the world’? is it really ‘’life’ that’s playing tricks on us? Not at all. It is the same with our current world system: Is the world/ life the problem in this world? Is it Us not being ‘good enough’? No, it is the money system that is the problem, and it’s not even ‘money’ in itself but the ways in which it has been set to work, this means: the Human Mind that has created the rules for it is the problem. Same goes for our lives – our body is perfectly functional by itself, it is only when we start THINKING instead of Living that all goes down the toilet down the pipelines of ‘shitty experiences’ such as emotions and temporary ‘positive thinking– fixes’ such as all of the above mentioned temporary ‘fillers’ to a life that I know, most are simply not ‘happy’ about, not that I would want to change your perspective on that either, however, we dug our own grave and we’re the only ones that can ensure we don’t actually remain there.

 

What  happens when you live in a society wherein the minutest displeasing experience such as sadness, depression, anxiety – which is Utterly misunderstood in this reality –  please listen to Mykey’s explanation on Anxiety – dread, fear or any regular lack of attention at work/school or just lack of  self motivation =  you can be sold a drug and ‘solve the problem’ apparently. Now, I would mostly discourage anyone from taking any form of drug, but I’m not here to put you out of your meds either. Just read and follow through the common sense and ‘hopefully’ you make a decision that is best for all, best for your pocket and gain some self respect with a sense of self responsibility.

 

Understand the following point: We live in a world wherein marketing is used to sell ‘ice to a Eskimo’ as it’s been said, however what happens when the ice is changed to drugs and the Eskimo is any regular person that may experience any ups-downs as a result of participating in the mind of thoughts, emotions and feelings?  Well, you got it. The person will buy drugs in order to solve what they believe is some from of ‘chemical imbalance’ – which is the usual drill propagated by well-paid psychiatrists to say the same over and over again and ending up hooking you up with Paxil, Xanax, Zoloft, Prozac or valium – among many others – oh and don’t forget your Tafil to sleep well.  The moment we Believe that there is an actual problem that can be cured with medicines, we are not only abdicating our responsibility to our mind and what we in fact created and participated in to create ‘our experience,’ but we’re also then choosing to begin supporting  an entire industry that is certainly willing to promote this type of symptoms to a position of ‘absolute illness,’ placing you in a ‘powerless’ position to do anything about it But taking this or that drug to solve it.

 

It is not a mystery that the majority of the population that have sufficient money to eat and live in a dignified manner, spends money on drugs to ‘feel better’ or regulate some form of ‘mental instability’ that has been entirely Self Created. But what is that ‘feel better’ been equated to? – Yes, the entire ‘Happiness’ Propaganda that’s part of this capitalist system – catch the drift? Is Happiness then an actual disease that should be promoted as the actual delirium that is causing people to believe there is something ‘wrong’ with them for not being ‘satisfied’ with their lives – yes, same as love.

 

 

We’re all fed up with buying, consuming, popping pills, rolling joints, seeking the next great thrill.

 

Have we stopped for a moment and look at all the people, beings, parts of our reality we’ve abused in order to satisfy our Wants, Needs and Desires? And that includes not only our external reality, but our own physical body, using and abusing its components as catalyzers to create energetic deliriums when being stimulated with external substances that are meant to fuel the mind only, they are Not in any way an actual indication of us Living Life. And looking outside of ourselves, you can look at all the violence and drug-trafficking problems that are related to drugs, which should Not exclude Alcohol of course. I mean the array of drug addictions can be extensive if we expand our level of awareness of that which alters our experience in the body and creating a form of addiction to it. There are gigantic industries being moved by this desire to ‘live life in peace’ through taking drugs – and for that I suggest you inform yourself with the documentaries:

 

Now, how come this form of  self abuse and self destruction became popular? It’s not about characters, people’s context or troubled lives – no, this is all about a ‘greater scheme’ that has always been invisible to us until today.  The more I understand how reality functions, the more I clarify and get proper in detail explanations about how our every single cell in the body functions, every atom, every thought, our entire mind, the different aspects each layer of the mind correspond to in our personal experience as the mind, understanding and getting to hear from animals themselves the actual IntelliSense they live as physical beings and how I can only laugh at our attempt as humanity to evolve, placing ourselves above a single blade of grass. I see that the first time I heard from Bernard that ‘a single blade of grass is more aware than the entire humanity as a whole’ I realized that we were truly blind.

 

 

Why is there all this emphasis on Needs, Wants and Desires everywhere in our reality? They are the key to keep us preoccupied in our minds, always in the NOW as Consciousness, as time bound to a past, future and a presence that is only here as a mind trying to ‘silence itself’ and ‘think positive,’ while the very desires of the so-called ‘rehabilitated presence’ have caused the most outrageous abuse on Earth, on each other – this is our responsibility, this is what we’ve all done to one another, this is the result of following our addictions – whatever they might be. As long as you’ve experienced a want, need and desire we can know one thing: we are not HERE breathing, we are only  keeping ourselves chained to the next fix like addicts we’ve become.

Is this life? No

Is this what our entire ‘effort’ is worthy of? No

Are we willing to face the truth of ourselves? Yes, as there is no other way to create solutions if the actual way of how the problems were created is not understood in the first place. For now I suggest investigating that which one can see is ‘living for’ on a day to day basis: are you here living as You for you to actually dedicate your life to become a human being that is worthy of living life through Becoming the living word as Life? or are you only here just ‘passing by’ and expecting to catch some ‘good ride’ so you can die with a full tummy and a mind gnawed with tons of ‘good times,’ even if your liver is destroyed by alcohol or your veins are rot with chemicals you pumped with pills on a daily basis –

 

Think about it: is popping a pill, rolling a joint, shooting up some coke, taking acids, or buying your regular drugs over the counter an actual Meaning of what it is to BE Alive and WELL? Why would anyone Require a Substance to LIVE other than the nutriments that are here as our food, the oxygen that we breathe, the water that we drink and the physical participation that proves that we are HERE. That is what the basics of living is about, now, our world is being run as a happiness machine that sells drugs – in legal and illegal ways – to keep humans busy with the delirium of ‘Happiness’ and that we have to be ‘happy’ all the fucking time. Is this real? No! It is just like selling ice to a Eskimo – it is selling you a well being that is Not an energetic experience but an actual equal and one self-realization of who you are As your physical body that Does Not require a stimulant/ drug to ‘be well.’

 

Drugs only work at a mind level – if the mind is a system that only works on energy resourced from your physical body/ substance/ life – then what does that indicate? Isn’t seeking happiness and joy and bliss then them same as saying ‘I require to get high to live’? – How could Anyone Claim to ‘Love Life’ if Life is being equated to love, happiness, joy, bliss or any other temporary mind-fix of energetic churning inside your body generated by a systematic set of rules in your mind that you’ve acquired from the media that you’re fed with from the moment you learn to sit up straight and get a TV in front of you.

Our great demise as humanity is living as Mind Systems instead of Physical beings of flesh and bones that care for each other as a one and equal organism. We’re living in the consequential outflow of an entire existential process of having existed as Energy-based beings instead of standing equal and one to life as who we really are.  This all may sound weird to you at first, but when you understand the following equation as our absolute mistake and misconception of equating life = experiencing positive/ negative energetic experiences, only looking after our Own Mind and our Own Benefit, disregarding the fact that such experience is only a mind-generated energetic fix and that in No Way contributes to an actual understanding of life-living, you can clearly see that we’ve fallen in the greatest trap of it all: equating life to energy, getting virtually addicted to energetic ‘positive experiences’ while the world falls apart where we simply continue shooting up the next happy pill, roll the next joint, pop in the next Prozac and pretend that everything is just fine.

 

There can be no more self interest lasting for long on Earth, we’ll have to work together anyways. I will continue to give a more personal experience on this process along with the tools of SELF Support to walk out of your beliefs of having to be ‘happy’ or else, you are Ill and Mentally Instable or having some form of ‘chemical imbalance of the neurotransmitters in the brain’  which is each psychiatrist’s punch line when you know next thing you’ll be handed a list of new ‘friends’ – read drugs – that will ‘help you out to cope with reality’ – never even bothering to warn you about it all being just another list of drugs that are sold in the street with non-marketing names. That’s what ‘finding god’ has been reduced to, there you go.

You decide whether you want to Live or Die.

I decided and also say the end of film cliché: Choose Life

 

— more to follow tomorrow

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212. Opposing the System= Act of Ignorance

     

    The Revolutionary Character

     

As we have walked our own life reviews as our own process, I realized that my immediate incorporation within Desteni had to do with agreeing on establishing a betterment for humanity in all ways. However, what I’ve heard in interviews on Eqafe is how most of us had seen ‘the evil’ in this world in one way or another, had experienced it ourselves which is why we decided to stand up for Life in Equality. I could not make much sense of that if I only took my life into consideration. I mean, yes as I mentioned in the last blog 211. Why is Life a Struggle? Why Can’t All be just HAPPY? there were times of financial distress at home, but it was never to the extent of actually having a tough life or going through any other form of suffering as many people do. So, what had I witnessed then in my reality that piled up to a desire for this world to change?  Being living in a third world country, seeing corruption everywhere, people cheating to get the most, that became quite an obvious point for me all the time to witness in my life, even from the time when I was a little girl and supposed to be informed about cartoons or stuff like that, I was already more interested in knowing what the hell could lead a person to suffer or have ‘problems in life’ if you will, more involved in adult talks than what I diminished as petty little childish games that most kids my age were into. I realize how I missed out on my childhood by wanting to ‘know about the world’ too fast, yet again it became a vital aspect within my life in order to form a certain criteria toward ‘who I am’ within this world-  obviously still limited to the confinement of my own TV set with news and information coming from it, and later on the information I got in my school about world economics and political systems with a great professor whom till this day, I would clone and give one to all people since most of the information that we are now watching in documentaries that ‘expose the truth’ was given to me by him, I guess I can say that ‘knowing the truth’ partly also lead me to see that there was something absolutely wrong going on wherein people were mostly unaware of the actual mechanisms that make this world go round.

So, my own reality check in this country – Mexico – seeing how the business world functioned, how our money had suddenly ‘lost three zeros’ and no one made a single comment other than ‘practicality purposes’ about it, being aware of endless protests, crime, shootings, robberies, assaults, kidnappings, drug trafficking and the list goes on and on, made me realize that there had to be a way to establish a solution in this world, and within that, I became a character for a while which was linked to ‘wanting change’ but mostly, being absolutely unaware of how me protesting against some governor’s pedophilia could make in any way a real change in the way he would govern the city.  I just tagged along with people that saw that as incorrect and followed through with endless talks about how ‘wrong’ the system was – as I have explained also in past blogs, all based in actual ignorance of how the system works, really.   And so I begin with explaining some of the most prominent points that come to mind today.

 

Red Fears

I remember my first approach and interaction with anything having to do with Communism while growing up. A friend of my mother had come from Russia – then USSR – to escape the poverty she was experiencing in her birthplace, my mother was her dentist and so I became aware of her being from another place due to her funny Spanish accent, I’m talking about me being probably 5 years old or so. My parents explained to me about Communism being this government-modality that was very detrimental for people’s lives, people were going poor really fast and so she had decided to come her to make a ‘better living’ condition for herself. I had the same approach with some other older lady that was also a friend of ours and she was from Chile, had come to Mexico as a refugee in the 80’s  – it was interesting seeing people escaping from their country for one or another reason. I didn’t question that, nor did I have much understanding about the world back then, but I do see that the communist reference became part of me integrating the so called red-fear from believing that: if communism is what the USSR was living in and people are wanting to escape their situation, then communism is no good.  Seems fair when it comes to logic and the information one is given about a subject, which most of the cases, we simply engulf as some sort of ‘informed decision’ with regards to what we agree or disagree in our world, little do we even ask if such information is valid in all contexts – hence the personalities built around acquired and almost inherited points of view/ opinions as the building blocks of our current division and separation in reality, missing out anything that is Real.

 

When growing up and being around 10 or so I knew that some artists here, which have become some form of Mexican icons like Frida Kahlo, Rivera and David Alfaro Siqueiros – whom I came to be very fond of while studying art – were supporters and militants of the Mexican Communist Party here. Siqueiros had been part of the military as well during the revolution – which is interesting how the people that came to be part of the military and later on became artists – Siqueiros and Beuys as a parallel point – supported new political systems that were based on a more ‘just society.’  Anyways, I realized that there was something really ‘controversial’ about the whole Communist word, not to mention that all the people that were supporters of socialism and communism in my environment were dubbed by my parents as mediocre – most of the times and other words on the same vein – simply because to them, Communism meant a rusty poor Cuba and an impoverished Russia.

 

I grew up then rather not wanting to ‘make up my mind’ about communism, and leaving it aside as something that I would somehow later on in life come to make an informed decision about. I kept a fair idea of how Marx’s communism was never implemented and all that was done was simply creating another form of control of society in very non-best-for-all ways. And that was it. Later on we begun having a lot of feedback about the Equal Money System being something linked to Communism. So obviously what must be understood here is how then Communism has been portrayed as the counter act, the ‘evil guy’ standing as the counteract toward Capitalism. What was mostly not known is how Communism had become a convenient boogie-man/ fear point to maintain people locked within the propagandistic idea that capitalism is Life, that capitalism is the best way for humanity and within that, using it as a bastion, a legion and a force that was imposed in several countries as another way of masking out colonialism in the name of ‘progress,’ which is what capitalism came to be defined as for the most part.

 

Corruption

When I became aware of the world system as in there being a president in our nation, one of the so-called most corrupted presidents in our ‘modern era’ was in office. I grew up having constant references to the NAFTA and solidarity, progress, under development, devaluation and later on crisis– all these words were constant imprints from the news, while always hearing adult talks and hearing their complains about the government, the corruption. Later on it was the Zapatistas making their armed movement in 1994 and I was only 7 years old when I had quite a formed picture of our country definitely not being alright, lots of poverty and uprisings around and something had to be done, also became aware of how a lot was being left unsaid on the TV as well.  I knew Revolution was also not the way since all those paintings I had seen from the revolution indicated lots of guns, people with blood, kids crying and certainly no change had come from that time – which was early 20th century here in México. Another reference then was that my father was in Mexico City studying when the 1968 student ‘revolution’ and demonstrations took place where thousands of them were killed mercilessly by the government, such an event is still remembered till this day. He would tell this story along the lines of how unnecessary it was to create such a problem in the first place. He ended up being in jail for two days just because of ‘being around there’ and having no direct participation in it. I vowed to then never take part of such acts as I feared I could get myself in such problem as well. And never did, for the most part.

 

Murdering those that dare to Stand Up

I became aware of the murder of a presidential candidate here in 1994, he was apparently murdered because of his attempt to make a real change in this country, which was obviously against his political party’s intention. That murder became an entire ‘mystery’ while most of the people actually knowing that it was an actual complot by his own party. A world so cruel, how could that be? Killing someone that was up for change? What?  – Yes, I was only 7 years old and I remember very well the entire story and it also marked me ‘for life,’ how this person aiming to be a president being killed during his political campaign, shot to the head. 

 

Going back to Siqueiros that stood up within a political Communist party to promote a change in this country, he ended up in jail and arrested several other times for openly attacking the president and generally opposing this entire system. Watching his paintings in the Palacio de Bellas Artes allowed me to see one thing: there was something really wrong going on and I wasn’t aware of it, because I had seen it as ‘history’ as something that is ‘long gone,’ little did I know that the same processes were pretty much still ‘alive’ within the entire configuration that this system is operating with and as. We might not be carrying bullets on our chests or wearing sombreros, however the essence of the social injustice is still here while having a major system of sugar-coating the abuse through entertainment/ media that has made of this world a silenced agony and destruction, covered up colors in bright HDMI screens and entertaining masses with iPhone upgrades where we have all have become just silent self-abusers in an abusive world. Well, why have we feared standing up? Due to our history, however what ‘type’ of standing up is it that we have come to fear? The one that has created an open opposition to the system. Little did we care to investigate that there is absolutely another way to walk in this world, be within the system and implement a change.

 

Crucified for Standing Up

The problem with all these revolutionaires was that: opposing the system, begin dissidents and that will obviously always only upgrade the system to silence any form of opposition that attempts against its own survival. Hence the way is not ‘giving the finger’ to the system, but being within the system.

The fears I see related to this are mostly related to seeing how people that became part of political parties that stood up for what was defined as communism were always threatened to death, ostracized and in the end, I see that fear can be latent when one is still Opposing the system. It is so common in this country nowadays to kill anyone that dares to speak more than the usual, however it is the same point: obviously people will try and silence that which reveals their corrupted ways of going through the system, that’s an obvious survival-mode tactic. However, if we stand as a group of people that propose simply another way and form of creating a new system within this world based on life in Equality, we can certainly see that there is no need to ‘oppose’ anyone, but just present an alternative of what is possible.

 

Fear is used as the greatest form of control so that any person considering ‘changing the system’ is immediately warned about the perils that such actions bring. Fear and warnings on this subject have been ‘conveniently’ placed and existent throughout our lives when learning about history and revolutions, just another form of control which is what revolutions have actually served for: a great warning to the population in the ways of ‘this is what happens to you when you dare stand up’ – little did the people participating in such revolutions know what their desires for change would end up being used as fear-propaganda for people to remain ‘calm and quiet’ where they are, going by within a system that certainly does not support life  yet fearing doing any move or proposal to change it, because of having this constant imprint of fear dying due to Standing up for what is best for all. However, were and are our current revolutions best for all? Are wars and opposition what is BEST FOR ALL? No, not at all. This is how and why the Equal Money System is the most Sane proposal that exists within our world currently to create an actual change that is permanent and sustainable within our world  Without having to oppose anyone or fighting against any form of regime or government.  Democracy must not be an act of retaliation, vengeance or opposition toward the ‘evil one,’ it must be an actual decision to exert one’s will to be a part of a world system that stands up for All Life in Equality, for that which we All know and are aware of is Best for All, what we have All desired but have Feared standing up from – it only takes one decision in Self Responsibility to do so.

 

Activism and Revolutions

All these stories, the history we learn in our books must be reviewed within the consideration of how it has been all conveniently preserved in order to instill fears within humanity to not make a change – perfect weapon of mass control: fear for your life if you stand up for Life in Equality, for ‘Freedom’ and ‘Justice’

We are here, individuals with common sense, taking Self Responsibility toward our world and reality, realizing the acceptance and allowance of the world system that has lead us to this point at the moment wherein it is a matter of actual life or death, not only for individuals, but for Every Being Equally if we don’t get to an agreement to do and live within a system that will benefit all beings equally. This is thus not a matter of Revolutions, Oppositions, Protests, Flipping Fingers at your Presidents, firing up flags and pictures of leaders as a sign of inconformity, this is about dedicating our lives to first Educate ourselves HOW human history has developed, how we have accepted the issues that exist nowadays as an inheritance of the past, how we are the ones that must take responsibility and within this, create a political, economical and social solution that benefits ALL Equally, yes including those that are currently on the top of the world – otherwise, we already know where this fight between classes leads us to: nowhere but further upgrades within the same system of abuse.

 

This is why we say Activism is Futile as all revolutions and people that have ‘stood up’ for anything in this world have been killed, ostracized and exterminated by the system.  This is why we have explained that the real revolution begins within us, individually, the moment that we stop only caring for our individual lives and consider the whole in our thoughts, words and deeds – that’s the greatest common sensical ‘weapon’ toward everything that is promoted within this world, a ‘white glove’ smack on the face as they say here which means, using Common Sense = What is Best for ALL as the principle to live by that will eliminate the constant desire to be ‘above’ others, to maim another’s opportunity to get some form of benefit in order for you to get it first. All of these individualistic tactics is what is promoted within capitalism. We can decide to change it by standing up for Life in Equality, what a better way to slowly but surely dismantle an entire empire founded upon self-interest and selfish acts of greed. This implies that Changing Human Nature is required, and this is why and how we are walking at Desteni as the primary point of understanding the relationship that exists between ourselves as physical bodies, our mind and the current creation of this reality With the actual, real and practical solutions that each one of us, individual by individual are able to take on in order to establish a real change that will be Here as a certainty for generations to come.

Now, this is something that I am definitely willing to live for and by for the rest of my life, there is nothing else to do, be or become but standing up for what is best for all, this is the law of our being and this is what must be pursued equally by any sane person left in this world. This is thus not being a revolutionary in the sense of opposing or fighting the system, this is about changing the way live is being ‘lived’ currently and be part of the group of people that is willing to implement it until it is done.

Amen.

 

Self Forgiveness in any left overs of fears toward standing up for Life in Equality will come in the next post. Thanks for reading.

Revolución

 

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211. Why is Life a Struggle? Why Can’t All be just HAPPY?

 
We’ve come to neglect the fact that it takes a single decision and agreement to enable a state of well being to all human beings. Any brainwashing propaganda saying ‘We Can’t’ must be categorized as a weapon of mind control , because throughout our investigations we’ve come to understand how it is through massive propaganda systems through the media, that the population ends up being Educated by TV, by Newspapers, by everything which has become part of the ‘collective unconscious’ without anyone being seemingly regulating such aspects that influence us all – is it really? Now, I’m not speaking about conspiracy theories here, it is to realize how we are all aware of how Self Interest as the desire for power/ money complicates everything, leading us from personal trivial desires to ascend/ escalate the ‘social ladder’ or justifying wars in the name of a so-called national defense while regurgitating words that keep the population fearing each other all the time, fearing ending up without any form of money and support, in essence: fearing that their own ‘life’ is able to be turned off in no time.

 

Watch documentaries:  The Power Principle |

 

What Happens when we Don’t give to each other what we would like for ourselves as a basic form of ‘protection and security’ that is always sought by a human being that stems from the preprogrammed design of surviving and essentially, doing all it can to continue living, even if that means killing or consuming everything on his path? This is the history of our human civilization – do we have the power to change it? Of course, we just have to agree that there are basic conditions that we all require to give and receive in Equality in order to live Well*

I can attest how the moment one suddenly has no such security as owning your house – even on ‘paper – having enough money to have your ‘usual treats’ or any other vainglory that money brings, one is faced with an uncanny experience that I had never had before in my lifetime back then – since I was 8-10 years old when it happened – and it’s what one would call Depression, no distinct to how the crisis in Capitalism is also dubbed as ‘Depression’ and it only exists as an energetic experience of having little to no energy/ money which causes an emotional state of ‘Depression’ which is simply having a seemingly ‘negative experience’ of anxiety, distress, worry, concern, apathy and general diminishment of your ‘self-esteem’ a.k.a. not getting your happy-meal so to speak to continue escalating in the social standards in society.

Why have we even allowed Lack of Money to be a regular condition in this world?
Why have we never questioned poverty and ‘depressions’ as an actual disease that must be cured at the root/ source of the problem, which in all cases is the current monetary system?
Why have we only managed to ‘mitigate’ the problems that affect us ALL and Con.Form to what is presented as temporary solutions to a lack of money – such as further Debt that sounds like Death wherein you end up rolling on your payroll like a shroud wherein all that is left of you is a piece of flesh and bones that forgot about itself and always sought life, but never lived.

 

The reason Why we are doing this is because we have neglected each other as Equals – hence it is a matter of Education, it is a matter of being willing to step out of the brainwashing that is constant in our society which is nothing else but the sum total of individuals seeking to fulfill their own interest. Call it ‘making a living,’ I call it collective agreement to abuse each other as Life and must be Stopped.

 

Throughout these blog series I’ve investigated my own process of forming and linking the idea of well being, happiness, success to Money and I’ve titled it as the Elitist Character which is the inherent pattern we’ve acquired the moment that we live in this world and learn that only through money we can satisfy ourselves in all aspects – whether it’s the usual love/relationships, business/job and personal spiritual endeavors or simply having the ability to hoard money due to belonging to a certain bloodline-lineage that enables you to have the ‘Time of your life’ from the moment you are born.

For the rest of us mortals, we have to simply try and attempt to Succeed as in Sucking out the Life essence o the seed that gives life, following dreams of ‘someday Finally making it’ and spending the rest of our days literally ‘dying to live’ – why is this so? and why is it that the moment that we lack money and we are unable to have a proper living condition and/or meet our usual ‘treats’ that only a few people can afford in this world in fact, we are subsumed into what is called a ‘Negative Experience’ which is similar to the ‘lower vibrations’ that people on  Heaven would define the demon dimension to be like, never realizing the abuse that such standard of ‘heavenly experience’ meant for the Earth and human beings in it (Research: Demons in the Afterlife) The World is in Reverse –and yes, ‘the world is a vampire,’ Billy Corgan, however I would mostly say the Human’s been a vampire serving other greater vampires that have become our regular Empires that will kill and destroy as long as some form of bliss can be obtained from it – isn’t that gory? How we’ve neglected GLORY as the Victory over others through going on a killing spree without any form of mercy?

Why have we even accepted the fact that ‘life is a struggle/ life is a fight’ which takes me back to the motto of the Jesuit school I went to: Militia est Vita – yeah, Loyola was a soldier and suddenly saw himself maimed and enlightened with some form of godliness to predicate well being on mankind, did he have to Suffer in order to get such Godly predicament? Points to ponder, not to mention that his legacy  continued throughout  Jesuit schools that are meant to ‘shape leaders’ in this world are anything but affordable for the most of population.

To correct and redirect the title of this blog which is a common misconception in our lexicon: Life is not a Struggle, it is Us human beings that have made it a Struggle through the acceptance and allowance of the current world system ‘as is.’ Time for a Revolution? No, time to first debunk our own brainwashing through Writing, Applying and Living Self Forgiveness In Self Honesty – that’s the key to massive liberation from the drive-thru lifestyle behavior and start Valuing that which is REAL as Life, as the Physical.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never question why it is that I suddenly felt sad and worried all the time as a constant experience only by knowing that we had financial troubles and within this, taking it personal to the level of believing that It would be a solution for them – my parents – not having to pay for my food and education, making it then an entire out of proportion desire to not exist as a fleeting solution in order to ‘wash away’ the worry and concern that I was witnessing in my father, never really considering how it is that in fact it would have only brought further problems.

I realize that people committing suicide due to financial problems are taking the easy way out apparently, and see no way to solve the problem – however, there is no way we can escape this world and reality for we will continue coming back into this Earth, and there is no way that one can accept the fact that the future of this world remains locked into a certain self-destructive mode as it is currently, and I also realize that this depends on us, human beings, being willing to step up and Take Responsibility, because if there is something that is neglected at all times throughout our lives whenever we ‘flirt’ with any desire to give up or even ‘leave the Earth’ as in committing suicide, we are deliberately denying and neglecting the responsibility that we all hold toward this world and ourselves as individuals that have accepted and allowed the current world system of debt as the only way to ‘make money,’ instead of agreeing altogether to establish a system that will Provide for All Beings Equally

It is already quite clear that we are running only from actually doing all we can in order to establish a solution that will be permanent, and will become the new living-phase of us as humanity for the first time on Earth, since all we have been thus far, is nothing else but slaves serving a greater ‘God’- either metaphorically speaking as in Religions and Spirituality – or literally as the Money that gives us such bliss and joy on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into extensive fear as a child about losing our house, losing ‘my safety and protection’ and within this, becoming unstable in my personal experience due to believing that having no money meant being close to death and that was it, close to living in poverty as the poor people that I would actually Fear becoming and living on the streets with them and eating what they ate and having to beg for money in order to survive.

I realize that this is the reality of fellow human beings that are HERE in this world as myself, and that the only barrier that divides me from realizing myself As Them, is the mind that I have cultivated in order to always seek to benefit me-me-me and never consider the reality of myself as the totality of who and what I am as One and Equal.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an emotional experience of sadness, worry, concern, anxiety and fear generally when hearing about us not having much money and having our house owned by the bank for a moment which to me felt like suddenly descending from heaven into hell and even though my reality didn’t drastically change, the sheer fact of knowing that ‘We don’t have much money’ became a very bitter phase of my life to go through, wherein I simply desired to  have the nightmare be over, go back to our ‘happy go round’ lives of having money – at least enough to be ‘happy’ – and that was it. However, it was quite a road out  of that huge bump on the road wherein I then became that same instability and inferiority that I cultivated due to not having had enough money at that time to satisfy my desires imprinted and acquired mostly by the media, by wanting to have what my friends had (see 201. Friends of Convenience: for a little piece of Heaven) and as such, believing that I was certainly ‘less than them’ due to not having as much money as they did.

 

When and as I see myself defining who I am according to the amount of money that I have or I don’t have, and creating a negative experience/ positive experience for either occasion, I stop and I breathe. I realize that money should only be a means to Live and have the necessary to have a dignified living – and this means, becoming part of the solution through my own living self-agreement and consideration of supporting myself as life and others equally to step out of the selfish-act of survivalism as the actual point of mind control it represents

 

I commit myself to expose how we can all in fact assist and support each other to establish a world system that can be implemented by the sheer realization that who we are as life is and has always been Here, and that it is the human aspect that has become the very weapon of mass destruction as the imposition of a system that functions upon the abuse of life.

 

I commit myself for Life to stop this carnage, the strain, the worry and constant threat of having no money the next day to live, as I see and realize that the experience of each other is invariably creating the reality that we All Live in. It is impossible to ignore this.

Support the Equal Money System 

Stand up for Life

—- it is not over yet.

 

 

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I ate myself while trying to be Happy (2012)

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187. Personal Diversion Tactics to Procrastinate

Physical Dimension – Procrastination Character – Pains and discomfort at a physical level and participation in imagination/ positive thinking.

 

While I was working in the document, I could spot all of the following thoughts, distractions, desires and wants that would pop out of seemingly ‘nowhere’ according to the energetic imprint that I created toward that something in my reality – or even people for that matter which might seem odd but, I see clearly how the mind can literally grab on to anything in order to create a point of distraction to continue getting an energetic fix. This is because the act in itself of writing this document is not motivated by energy, and it is only a physical action while being correcting at the same time the resistances that I had created to actually get it done. So, while working on this, being here as breath is the physical support – but I did spot several points coming up besides the physical pains, and these are just examples of the ones that I was able to identify while working on it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have the ‘thought’ of a movie that I wanted to download and watch while I was writing, and having the image of this single still picture of the movie that I saw on the internet, and for a split second thought of ‘going to download and watch it’ lol, which is absolutely absurd lolol since I am not even that ‘kin’ on watching movies– okay let’s see what’s this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entice myself with the curiosity and the expectation of me wanting to watch that movie ‘someday’ according to my own thoughts upon reading the movie’s review in that moment when I became aware of it a few months ago, and believing thus that I must now ‘find out what it is all about’ in order to quench my curiosity, which is only related to the process of distracting me from getting my written document done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having always given ‘head’ to that which I would rather want to do such as watching a video, hearing a song, seeking news about a particular movie/ concert/ artist in order to entertain myself for a moment, wherein then it would  simply be already ‘time to do something else’ and in that, lose perspective of everything that I had committed myself to do right before this ‘distracting thought’ emerged.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always have the thought of ‘oh just for one moment, one little distraction for these few minutes/ won’t take long’ wherein I usually do stop writing and go do that something else that came up in my mind, without realizing how it is that I have accepted and allowed myself to first get into the alternate dimension of thinking about that something ‘better to do,’ which is mostly linked to a positive experience, then direct myself to stop what I was doing and then go and do/ attend that something else in order to satisfy my curiosity and desire to do something else/ get away from the task, without realizing that in such seemingly ‘unimportant moment,’ I lost focus and sight on that which I was already doing such as writing, instead of remaining here as breath and simply Not following through with my desires.

 

When and as I see myself going into the thought of a movie, song, artist or anything else related to what I have deemed as ‘my entertainment’ in the moment that I am about to begin working with my written document / already working on it – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am allowing myself to be distracted by my own positive thinking in the form of things that ‘I enjoy reading/ watching/ listening’ as a stimulation to my senses to get a positive experience from it, instead of realizing that I am here to direct myself and work on this document, which certainly doesn’t require me to first have some ‘positive experience’ to then work on it, as I know how it always goes: ending up wasting time and then simply realizing that I have to do other stuff and ending up leaving this task for ‘some other time/ later’ which is not acceptable.

I commit myself to actually stop myself from going into the ‘feel good’ experience as a positive thinking type of action such as watching, hearing, reading something that I have defined as my positive experience and instead focus on that which I am here to do – focusing on breath to not participate in the enticing thoughts.

I commit myself to breathe.-out the initial excitement and expectation of me having for a moment decided to go into the positive experience as a way to realize that I would only fall for the fleeting momentary experience of excitement and enjoyment as an energetic experience and single distraction point that in no way support me to actually be focused and determined to get to my document.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to suddenly have the thought of that person in my life that when I was writing about recreating ourselves as individuals and taking responsibility and went into the daydreaming fantasy point of this person finally understanding and aligning his life to what is best for all so that I could then go back into his life and within this, allowing myself to create a positive experience that became a diversion point from the moment of writing.

When and as I see myself deviating from the writing into a thought or experience based on a positive memory related to someone that I had created a positive energetic experience toward, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the image is based on desire and that I am the only one able to stop it – and furthermore, work with.

I commit myself to not brush aside these seemingly fleeting points/ moments such as having the thought of this or that person in my reality that I had created a particular either positive/ negative experience toward coming up in my mind, as this is clearly following a pattern of distraction and imaginary enticing experiences that I would usually follow through – and in this, support me to also work with ‘my desires’ in order to ensure that I am not binding myself to any person or point as an energetic relationship toward them/ it – but instead support me to be actually ready to face all aspects of my life that I have brushed off.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience pain in my shoulder blades when I have begun reading the writing and figuring out my how to proceed and wanting to simply stop because of the pain and discomfort, without realizing that in this I am trying to make of the pain and discomfort the excuse, instead of realizing how I have created the problem as pain and discomfort myself for having given too much time to the mind and procrastination instead of assisting and supporting me to walk through the pain, breathing and committing myself to get things done.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a burden on my upper back when realizing that there’s this ‘thing’ that I must get done as soon as possible and instead of going into working on it, I experience pain and discomfort about it, without realizing how I am within this giving into the future projections, backchat and looping around the thinking and internal conversations about the amount of time it will take, which I have in fact already squandered only on thinking about it instead of doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my chest constricting and almost having a difficulty to breathe with ease due to getting into the thinking-process of time and the guilt for having squandered time and as such, neglecting the consequences that I am manifesting immediately in my body and as a consequence of me having participated in procrastination for an extended period of time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience my body as jittery because of the suppressed anxiety in relation to procrastination, wherein the pain in the shoulders, the arms and the quivering sensation of the legs is an indication of me being reacting at a physical level in order to make me feel ‘bad’ and not work on actually getting things done, which is to the benefit of the mind continuing existing within its own functioning using the physical resources to charge itself as energy.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to complain about the physical experience of dull pains and poignant pains experienced in my arms and shoulders as a burden in my physical, without realizing how I am the only one responsible for doing this to me, due to the amount of thinking and looping around one single point that I simply did not do.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to ‘stop doing this’ as a way to stop torturing myself, without realizing that this is precisely not the way to follow through, as I realize that the more that I procrastinate and stop doing the task or directing myself to do so, I am not giving myself a resolution and direction as self correction toward the physical experience, but instead accumulating yet another layer of procrastination wherein my physical body is the one that is experiencing it the most – and I am only doing it to myself.

When and as I see myself experiencing a general ‘not feeling well’ experience within my physical body and wanting to opt-out from it and doing it some other day/ later, I stop and I breathe – I recognize that this is a defense mechanism pattern that I have participated in in order to not get things done and simply feel bad, go to sleep/ rest and then move on to do something else, which is plain energetic self manipulation.

I commit myself to face the physical discomfort as part of the consequences of me having created an energetic experience toward this particular task and within this, assist and support myself to breathe through the pain, write out self forgiveness in the moment, speak it out loud and within this I assist and support myself to walk through the resistances as they come up, as I am realizing that I cannot continue ‘fooling’ myself in brushing off the reactions and limitations as experiences that I had previously victimized myself about when it came to pains and within this, it is me taking responsibility for myself, my body and my physical experience as I walk through my time loop.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever consider that being here and only breathing would be being too ‘lax’ toward myself, wherein I became used to talking myself into anxiety as a ‘rushing point’ to ‘get things done’ which is how when and as I am simply breathing, there’s this anxiety looming and wanting to come up even without particularly thinking about it, but it’s simply linked to the physical point of being working on something that I realize is a task and that ‘must be done’ no matter what.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a light headedness/ cloudiness on my head as I write and suddenly, a sharp pain on my chest emerges wherein I realize that I am fearing not having the ability to get this done/ not having what is required to do so, without realizing that the pains and the discomfort stem from the very thoughts that I accept and allow myself to participate in the moment that I don’t follow through/ continue with a physical application of doing things in my day to day living, but create a point of resistance toward this, without realizing that I have simply been missing deliberately focusing on breath while working on the task/ point to walk through.

When and as I see myself going into the cloudy-head experience linked to a sharp pain in my chest, I stop and I breathe –I stop participation in the least thought about me doing and directing myself within this task, as I have seen and realized the thoughts for what they are: simple distractions existent to only support my own mind possession at a physical level, to within this while being in such experience, make excuses to stop doing what I was doing and go into something else, which is precisely the point wherein I have to stop the pattern.

I realize that I have to actually support myself with reading other documents in order to also get further ideas on how to give it direction, as me wanting to do it ‘all alone’ and having no point of support is rather egotistical as well as in ‘wanting to do it all by myself’ and not using other people’s writings as references.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from my physical body to such an extent that I was absolutely unaware of the physical strain and discomfort caused by the procrastination point due to the amount of time I spent thinking ‘walking in circles/ beating around the bush’ about it, wherein I realize my responsibility within realizing how I tend to want to simply ‘cover it up’ with a belief of me not ‘caring’ about it, however once that the physical experience is quite heavy, it is impossible to not care.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ignore my own physical body strain and experience wherein I have become a victim of my own thoughts and experiences that have been now felt at a physical level, wherein I then use this pain as an excuse to stop doing the actual work – being this a loop that must be stopped no matter how painful it is at a physical level – I’ve done this to myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually be so used to things being so easy to me that I have actually simply followed a belief pattern of this ‘written work’ being something ‘difficult’ based on the stories I’ve heard from many other beings that would always make it seem as something ‘too difficult’ to do, which is not really so and within this,

When and as I see myself manipulating myself to believe that this document is actually too difficult to do and that I must even experience some ‘heaviness’ toward it, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have brainwashed myself according to the stories I’ve heard from other people, not realizing how we as human beings tend to make it all seem either extra positive or extra negative in our minds in order to perpetuate an experience toward ourselves, our reality and tasks to do, instead of simply working on it, getting it done and moving on.

I realize and accept my capacity and determination to do something that should not be categorized any different to any other writing I am able to write and express as myself, breath by breath.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate getting to the procrastination character in itself, causing physical consequences of this as a permanent binding force to the past as this ‘something’ that ‘I have to do’ but allowed myself to simply brush it aside and continue perpetuating it with no further actual physical direction to it.

When and as I see myself wanting to brush aside an actual physical experience toward a point that I ‘know’ must be done and worked with, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the key of the moment to self-correct is here as the ‘brushing aside’ point, which is an indication from my mind of that which I am existing as a reaction to/ toward within an energetic experience, which is a plain notice for me to actually work on it in order to take responsibility for this point of separation in the moment.

When and as I see myself having a sharp experience of anxiety – I stop and I take a really deep breath – moving my arms up and down if necessary in order to bring myself back here as I realize that such energetic experience must be ‘sorted out’ through breathing consistently and persistently as an awareness of me here in the moment.

I commit myself to not procrastinate getting to write about the seemingly ‘unimportant experiences’ that I would tend to brush aside, and within this realize that the more immediate my application is in the moment, I am able to re-establish myself as a physical level with more ease.

This is thus a practical consideration within the procrastination character in relation to process, and how I see that the more time I allow to go by, the more I simply create an energetic experience that I compound every time that I simply ‘think’ about it, but not get directly to physically do it. Thus, I commit myself to give myself direction to get things done and work on my self application as this is the gift that I can give to myself, the stability and certainty of re-gaining my self-direction at a physical level and toward anything and all I direct myself to do.

 

I commit myself to stop my self-entertainment and also within this stop judging the usually-labeled ‘entertainment’ as media and anything else that we would usually spot as diversion points, without realizing how I have created my own personalized entertainment as the mind and within this, become my own broadcasting company of positive experiences that I would usually fall for –thus it is here to realize how in fact every single entertainment outside of ourselves is only reflecting the same relationships we have created toward others / things in our reality with energetic experiences. Thus it is to once again realize that we are the ones that have created the entertainment industry as our image and likeness.

 

To be continued with consequences and redefinitions.

 

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flirting with imagination

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179. Apathy as result of High Expectations

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate anxiety and fear when thinking and backchatting myself about the possible outcomes of having to present my work to other people and them assessing that it is not ‘good enough’/ that it is not suitable for this career, that it has nothing to do with what I am supposed to be writing about – without realizing that these thoughts are actually quite absurd when considering how it is that I have created these judgments within me as backchat that I would use in order to convince me that there is ‘no point’ in doing it, within it hitting the excuse and justification of uselessness as a reaction of apathy leading to the cycle of procrastination.

 

Within this I realize that my reaction of apathy and immediate neglect to what is required to be done is in fact me not having been Here as Breath – but instead talking to myself in my mind as all the negative reasons why I would Not want to get this work done due to having to actually Do It. I breathe and go into the next self forgiveness as a reaction to this realization:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in shame and regret as a form of now feeling ‘bad’ about everything that I did and I didn’t do, without realizing that in this, I am only creating yet another experience to cover up the immediate responsibility at hand, which is part of the reactions that I used to justify my inaction and commitment to do things – due to, instead of realizing that it must be done, going into further thinking/ backchat of all the future play outs and the supposed ‘validity’ of the work in itself, without realizing that any writing in itself will be supportive to se me, no matter in which ‘sphere’ of my reality it takes place in.

 

When and as I see myself going into shame and regret for all the time wasted and not lived to give proper direction to myself and my work to be done – I stop and I breathe I realize that facing the consequences of what I accepted and allowed is inevitable – however, going into an experience over it in no way supports and assists me to physically move – thus I stop any point of further self-manipulation to find reasons, excuses and justifications as to why I didn’t move – without realizing that such reasons, justifications and excuses only stand as a further deviation of the physical task at hand.

I realize that I have often used this same mechanism when realizing the points that must be done and instead of simply breathing, stabilizing myself physically here, I go into further judgment and justification as all the reasons, excuses, explanations that I try to ‘give a meaning/ value to’ in my mind, which only stand as a defense to protect my own self interest of ‘not wanting to accept having made a mistake/ having fucked it up’ – as that goes ‘against my idea of self,’ which is precisely what we are walking this process for: to see, realize and expose to ourselves to what extent we are able to lie ourselves continuously in order to protect a mechanism of self interest wherein the ‘who we are’ as the perfect/ ideal I have of myself in my mind, is always ‘spotless’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want to place myself as a ‘considerate person’ whenever I would go into the negative backchat and within this considering that my reactions such as immediate fear and anxiety could not remain ‘within me’ as ‘who I am’ which is how I would immediately seek for another point to keep me ‘balanced out’ in my mind, wherein ‘my score’ would remain untainted by this one task I was not directing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within reacting in fear and anxiety to face one single aspect and task of my life, generate a complete callous experience toward it, of seemingly it not being ‘important’ and prioritizing other things in my mind, because within doing this, I would keep myself in a ‘safe spot’ of doing things right, properly, without realizing that even the input/ drive to do other things Instead of physically directing me to get this task done was motivated by my own desire to ‘even myself out’ in my mind, wherein even if I knew that I was not getting this task done, I would then create another task/ activity as a supplement to ‘even out’ my sense of remaining a ‘responsible being’ because of ‘doing this other thing/ taking this other responsibility’ – without realizing how I was in fact being selective within this process in order to suit my needs of self interest, to remain with a positive reputation in my mind at the eyes of other and myself, while deliberately knowing that there is this ‘chunk of things’ to direct and do, and that it won’t certainly just ‘go away’ by wishing it so or positively thinking.

 

When and as I see myself reacting with fear of losing my reputation as a responsible being when realizing I am Not directing myself appropriately – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is stemming from a defense of my ‘ego’ as this precious thing that I’ve created for myself to remain with a ‘positive stance’ toward people in my world and within myself in my mind, wherein it is no different to talking myself positively in order to create a positive experience for taking other responsibilities and neglecting others that are also important and priority in my reality.

 

When and as I see myself thinking ‘But! Instead of doing this work, I am doing that other work which is Also important’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that me doing the ‘balancing out’ wherein I try to even points in order to compensate for what I realize I am not doing, is another trick of the ego to always keeps itself ‘winning’ and ‘on top’ and ‘stable’ and even with a false sense of ‘calmness’ that is like a pill taken to soothe the initial shot of anxiety and fear experienced every time that the backchat ‘I am not doing this’ would be manifested not even as thoughts but as a physical doing of just side sweeping it right away, not giving any ‘second thought’ to actually do it, but simply get on to the rest of the things to do which I have defined myself to be ‘comfortable’ in doing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to generate an experience of apathy and general dullness when thinking about doing this written work, as the result of the backchat such as ‘what’s the point for this?’ wherein I realize that I am placing a condition to my movement to do things based on the outcome/ result which is an expectation created according to what I would ‘want’ to get from it.

When and as I see myself thinking the backchat ‘what’s the point for this’ and going into apathy and idleness in that moment, I stop and I breathe  – I realize that seeking for a particular outcome that could satisfy my desire for positive experience is another way to sabotage my self-movement as an unconditional one, as a self-willed realization that this must be done regardless of any result or outcome.

I commit myself to be unconditional in my self movement in the physical regardless of the task I have at hand, as I realize that equalizing myself as the physical is not judging the task to be done as either ‘good for me’ or ‘more valuable’ or ‘less important,’ as I realize that within the assessment in common sense of what I have to do and what must get done, implies a physical consideration of it to be done as part of a responsibility or a practical functionality for myself and others in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in apathy and even defeatism whenever having the backchat ‘ I’m not good enough within this career/ what difference will it make to others what I have to say here?’  which is rather a product of self manipulation wherein I am giving into ‘thinking’ my doing based on how it will be received/ viewed and valued/assessed by others, making of this future backchat projection ( lol ) a single obstacle in my mind to simply then turn my back on this work, because of me secretly wanting and desiring and still keeping this belief of me having to ‘change other people’s minds about themselves’ through this particular work/ task that I have to complete. Within this it is seeing how I have created my own condition of ‘If I can be praised/ glorified’ within my mind based on the reception this work will get, then I gladly do it’ – but when there is no certainty of this, I then go into a negative experience toward it in order to  create an experience of being ‘not good enough’ and backchatting myself about it, simply because of expecting a reward that satisfies my ego within this all.

 

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I’m not good enough within this career/ what difference will it make to others to read/ hear what I have to say here?’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that within this I am placing a condition to my self-writing, my own physical process of doing things based on a future projection and assumption of how it will be received by others, instead of realizing that I have the absolute ability to simply write within the direction that I already see and realize I am capable of giving myself as the simplicity of opening the document and continuing writing – instead of allowing imagination, future projections, backchat and an overall reaction of uselessness and defeatism to be ‘more’ than myself and my will to move and direct me here.

 

I commit myself to stop going into future projections about the reception and how will ‘others’ read my words and what they will ‘think’ of my work and instead, simply direct myself to physically do it in the moment, as myself – directing-me to do it, regardless of expecting a positive or negative outcome of it, as I see and realize that within trapping myself in these two polarities, I condition my very physical to energy instead of realizing and living out the understanding of how the physical is able to move itself by simply the ‘force’ that I can redefine as self-movement instead of mind-energetic conditions to move that I had imposed onto the physical’s unconditional self movement.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I’m wasting my time with this’ as an excuse to instead veer toward doing ‘something else’ – without realizing that the actual wasting of breath-time is whenever I am finding excuses and justifications to not do it, wherein I then create a positive experience of me not doing something based on the belief that ‘there is no use to it’ – thus creating and placing conditions to my self movement according to what I have defined as valuable and what I have defined as ‘not valuable’ and within this separation, actually missing the point of it all wherein I am waiting for something to be ‘productive’ for me to do instead of me doing and directing myself to ‘do it’/ be productive in the moment.

When and as I see myself thinking that ‘I am wasting my time on a task’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this stems from the inner value-system I have created toward tasks/ points that I have to do based on the experience that they create within me as either satisfying a positive experience in my mind or not, wherein I thus realize that anything that is generating a sense of ‘lack’ or wanting to do ‘something else’ instead, is already indicating that I am at the right place where there is no energy ‘flow’ within the doing of it, and as such, that all the points that come to my mind as something that I would ‘rather do’ are identified as mind-triggers for positive experience, which I must then debunk in order to see how my own value system of ‘preferred activities and tasks’ stems from the energetic experience I get of it , indicating that it is the mind that is seeking itself to have ‘time’ to satisfy itself instead of me as a self directive being directing myself to do things that will not cause me a positive or negative experience, but simply have to be done.

 

When and as I see myself then now attempting to go into a positive experience for ‘moving’ through this procrastination point, I stop and I breathe – I realize that making it a positive experience because ‘yay I am moving!’ is also a mind experience to still create positive energy within this – thus I commit myself to be absolutely clear and stable within me every moment that I go into the positive experience of stopping the procrastination character, as it would be rather futile to now make this stopping another mind experience – lol.

 

I commit myself to live Self Responsibility not only as a physical realization of having to ‘get things done’ but also within the understanding that every time that I give into energy – either positive or negative – to do/ not do things, I am abdicating my self-directive principle to move unconditionally and I am in fact abusing my physical body as every time that I create either a negative or a positive experience through thoughts manifesting either a positive or a negative experience, I am subjecting my physical body to be consumed by the mind that requires always to have an energetic fix which comes through the very physical-consumption of my physical body that is transformed into any of these experiences that I then believe is ‘who I am,’ which is unacceptable within the realization that physical movement is here as breath, therefore, as I breathe and simply make the decision to get the writing done/ to work on it I realize that there is no experience required within me, no judgment toward the task in itself, no future projection or conditional ‘result’ of it required, as I see and realize that all of these are mind-created obstacles wanting to get a positive outcome of it all which create a conflict upon that which can be simply physically done and directed.

 

I realize that the apathy experienced and deliberate ‘not doing’ a task stems from – within various other dimensions that I have probably yet to discover – having a future projection of a positive outcome within it, and within me generating this belief that there is no point to it/ not being good enough/ wasting my time to this. To understand more why thinking exists, listen to these two interviews that are vital in order to understand who we are within these ‘obstacles’ and what we are accepting and allow ourselves to be and have become within it all:

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178. There’s no reason, no explanation, so play the violin

 

Backchat Reaction dimension within Procrastination Character

Within walking this process of identifying all dimensions, I realized that the backchat has more to do with a series of judgments that I have held toward specifics in relation to myself and art and at the moment, I’ve walked that on a previous blog, however when it comes to the reactions, I see that the most prominent points where simply fear, anxiety and then a laxity wherein I would make it all alright and simply keep going without going into it.

 

I’ve had a song in the back of my head, Ricochet by Faith no more and the chorus says:

“It’s always funny until someone gets hurt…
And then it’s just hilarious!”

 

Now the most prominent reaction I am facing currently is  to my own stupidity-loops that I’ve walked, and as I write this I can experience some type of energetic drill on my arms because of how I did this to myself and my reaction toward this has been that of anger that I’ve channeled through other means – like points of getting angry at people for not cleaning the kitchen a month ago, getting irritated about other people’s expression as if everything ‘was fine’ and me simply reacting to it because of this drag that I’ve been keeping around myself all this time.  And it’s interesting because I got the point explained to me and still, I didn’t quite ‘get it’ in terms of being angry at ourselves for not changing. Now it’s quite clear and makes absolute sense, I was simply using others to ventilate my own accumulated inner-anger/ frustration for not moving on/ directing myself –this is how we try to ‘project blame to others’ instead of taking responsibility for our own deeds, thoughts and words. Listen to Anu’s recent interviews for more detailed explanation on this point, which will strip any sense of righteousness upon decision making based on the mind’s indulgence: Reptilians – Facing Choice (Part 2) – Part 108

 

Hence the reactions are more of an accumulated state of absurdity when realizing what I’ve done or not done to be precise. Being  this something that had become this ‘something going on’ within me that can be easily side-swept within self interest – and not even easily really, that’s also what I’ve made myself believe: it can be easily ignored in the moment, however it becomes like a constant gnawing thought – now the ‘gnawing thought’ makes sense when studying the Quantum Mind Series and getting a clue of the level of abuse that we are inflicting upon ourselves whenever we Think about things but not Do anything with it – Why? This is the question: if I realize that I am not supporting myself in keeping this ‘thing’ on top of me like a cross I’ve accepted and allowed myself to bear absolutely unnecessarily so, then why the hell have I simply not given it self direction?  Because: in the mind, everything is fine – yes just like ‘In Heaven, Everything is Fine’ and this is the point wherein I realize that I have chosen the mind to direct me and become me and my every day decision-maker instead of myself not accepting and allowing to give into the ‘same old carelessness’ toward things that I ‘know’ must be done and simply, doing it = ‘play the violin.’

 

A memory that comes up within this is how I would for example procrastinate simple things throughout my day as a child, like taking off my school uniform when getting home from school, getting to a point of having to be ‘threatened’ by my mother with a tickle-attack if I didn’t take it off in 30 seconds, then I would MOVE the hell off the couch, stop watching MTV  and run to take it off and put some other clothes – however when this wasn’t the case, I could remain the entire day with the uniform on, LOL – this is just ‘hilarious’ yes but the point is not the uniform or how I was conditioned to move with something I feared, which is something that’s very clear to me now –  but how these seemingly innocent patterns evolved later on with other points of procrastination up to one that I created  for myself and walking at the moment. It’s a ‘carelessness’ toward myself and a laxity that can accumulate in seemingly ‘unnoticeable’ points that I am perfectly aware exist within me and that I participate in on a daily basis. Within the previous example,  taking off the uniform would literally take me 20 seconds, 20 goddamn seconds… however I would simply move everywhere else, do all my homework and studies to the T, be a ‘responsible girl’ in all ‘school matters’ but could not make the single decision to take off the uniform – that’s the same experience that I’m having as a reaction to this procrastination point, which is pretty cool that emerged as I have this ‘thought,’ that single pixel frame of the TV-room I used to spend my days in, wearing my uniform for probably some 12 hours on a row or more lol, doing all my homework and my ‘responsibilities’ however not moving in one simple aspect that was related to me – which opens up the point: have I always done things for others then? And when have I really done things for me? I am sure this process is and has been as self-decision, which is how I have kept myself ‘constant’ within it – however the moment I separated this school-career project and making it ‘for others’ I turned my own tables and decided to judge it and procrastinate it.

The uniform was definitely constricting! it was uncomfortable, yet I kept wearing it –that pretty much sums up my reaction toward this point: it is constricting, it was utterly uncomfortable having this jack in the box constant nagging thought, however I did not move. And so, it is hilarious.

I said, “it’s okay to laugh about it”

 

As I’ve been working on the actual writing and moving myself within this whole procrastination deal,  I realize how I had actually enjoyed having begun writing the first version of it, which was far more extensive than the one I am writing at the moment and that is less ‘constricting’ in terms of the ‘rigidness’ of what a proper ‘academic written work’ should be like.  I realized how within simply writing and actually just ‘doing it’ to what extent I simply made a huge fucking deal out of it, while it only took me opening the damn file and reviewing, continuing writing and being certain of what I am writing as my own process, with full awareness of how it is that it is much more simple  to just physically do it, than anything else I could have made up in my mind of it being seemingly ‘too much’ – all excuses as backchat that I would react to in this heaviness at a physical level after going through slight pungent shots of anxiety and fear for ‘the future,’ giving into the mind experience instead of taking it ‘by the horns’ and not allowing me to continue procrastinating. But I did.

And so, as I’ve learned from some blogs I’ve read from Lindsay Craver, I realize how sometimes the songs we have in our heads are indicating ‘something’ that we are simply not fully seeing ‘here.’  and I’ll give a proper journey to life review on her blog in a vlog. So keep an eye on it.

 

And the chorus pretty much describes how I would go through my day by day, as if everything was ‘just fine’ and then realizing, oh fuck, I did squander my time – it’s done and gone. And now ‘the joke is on me’  and how well, I realize I can’t get more pissed off or angry at myself as that would be another stupidity loop – nor channeling through getting angry ‘at others’ because I can’t fool myself that easily any longer –

So, it is ‘hilarious’ to realize this yes, I mean, what’s left to do but acknowledge what I’ve done, how I created it, and how I am simply giving it direction without further reactions.

So the reactions at the moment are more related to having procrastinated this task all this time – it is a point of self-judgment and yes  I remember very well: ‘Do not judge yourself if you fall’ – However, if it is here and it’s just ‘hilarious’ that I did it, well I have to walk down the procrastination road and eat lots of humble pie (thanks to Cerise that explained that idiom to me)  and accepting my mistakes, that is the gift that I can give to myself wherein there is no positive or negative mindfuck to cover it up or try to find a ‘good way’ to justify why I procrastinated, or believing that ‘there was seemingly an external/ unknown/ mysterious  reason’ for this to happen, that there was ‘something behind this all’ that I simply am apparently unaware of and that’s the reason why I had to stay longer here and essentially extending my expiry date for a year – expiry date I mean with my due time to simply get things done and sticking around here.

 

So it’s always ‘funny’ and just ‘nice’ to keep ourselves deciding for the fluffy positive thinking and positive experience that one creates in order to not take on the tasks that must be done –  until the shit hits the fan and I’m brought back to Earth – why do I require these wake up calls then having to go through fear, anxiety, keeping it inside, rotting until it’s just a point where the pungent smell is telling me Hey you know, you could have just DONE it and get over with it, how difficult is that?

And this is where I look down and forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to  realize believe that I could ‘get away from this’ easily and that there would be a miraculous way to step-out of it, and not having to eventually do it/ work on this.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perpetuate a point of self abuse as a physical burden and a constant reaction of shame toward my own dishonesty to move/ do things/ get my responsibilities ‘moving’ wherein instead of actually taking the necessary physical direction, I gave into the experience of ‘feeling bad’ about it and then using all means and justifications like having ‘other responsibilities that are more important’ as an excuse, wherein then ‘blame’ comes as a suitable gadget for me to not see that I am the only one that is and has been responsible for this, and that in the end, I will also have to walk through the consequences no matter what – and this is where yes, there is nothing left to do but eat my own words and say ‘I did this to myself.’

 

Within this  – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever judge ourselves as humanity for ‘waiting for a savior/ god’ to come and fix things for ourselves and then in the end, simply having to do it ourselves once that the shit is still ‘there’ and there’s no one to take care of it – thus I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in shame and embarrassment toward my own dishonesty which is simply another form of ego to victimize myself about what I didn’t do – why I did not give it direction and remain within a comfort zone of just ‘feeling bad about it’ which is not really necessary and even self interest to create yet another experience upon not doing something, instead of simply breathing, letting it go, giving myself proper practical direction to do it and that’s it. Within this realize how it is actually quite easy to simply ‘do it’ and not give into all the thoughts and judgments and backchat about it, or adding an extra layer of judgment when ‘looking back on time’ and realizing the stupidity I have created for myself, by myself

 

I realize that I will walk the consequences and that yes, the ricochet eventually hits us back again – and that ‘there’s no reason, no explanation, so play the violin’ – this is exactly what I’ve experienced and that’s just part of the lyrics.  I have no excuse, I don’t have to explain myself further to make it alright, so I play the violin which means I get this done.

More explicit self forgiveness in the next one…

 

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172. Creating Excuses instead of Solutions

Continuing with the Backchat point that I began walking yesterday within the procrastination character

A backchat-point that is more ingrained and let’s say ‘case specific’ is not only with regards to a sheer point of laziness/ procrastination that is physically here – yes – however the reasons behind it which all do happen at the level of backchat an internal conversations have more to do with how I have judged this particular task as useless, as a mere protocol, as meaningless within the consideration of what type of degree this is, even seeing it as a waste of time and money to get it done – all of it yes, excuses existing only in my mind that I have given value to in order to continue justifying my ‘demotivation’ to do it, however if we look at ourselves and this world, we have become so used to motivate ourselves for a specific positive-outcome or positive-experience to do things that it then becomes one of the ‘fuels’ that keep us running.

As I write this I also see how I am squandering an opportunity that many people would have liked to have, which is then absolutely unacceptable, because I am aware of the rate of individuals that are in no way able to assist to college or pay for an entire career to get to the point of graduation. I am aware that my education cost me literally cents every year, however that doesn’t mean that because it is almost ‘free’ my commitment to it must not change.

I also see another point which is how I have accepted and allowed my personal experience toward the career in itself to be a decisive factor for me to not want to ‘do this’ based on preference – once again, in my mind this was like a disenchanted romance that ended up in my mind rather ‘bad’ from the perspective of me not wanting anything to do with ‘art’ at all. Thus this is the main point for me to work with, because I see there is an attraction/ repulsion going on which can only exist as a reverend masterpiece of mindfuckism™ that I have created within this.

So – I’ll walk the most prominent backchat within this that I can see can be an ever ‘deeper’ level of excuses and justifications to not do things.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘this is something utterly useless to do’ which is based on me believing that having an art degree is useless, which is stemming from my introspection and realization of how and why I decided to study art in the first place, which became a point I judged as shallow, ‘easy way out of the system,’ and essentially avoiding to be ‘in the system’ according to my standards back then, which is how I make it all as if it had been a drag to complete my studies, simply because of not seeing myself with the enthusiasm and ‘love for art’ that I initially believed I had – thus I realize that within this ‘low’ after the great romance with art, I experienced myself demotivated to have anything to do with it, which implies that I am still holding on to my own remorse and repent for having chosen this career as a 5 year-study in my life that I won’t be dedicating myself to – and as I write this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anxiety and a general nervousness within the area of the solar plexus due to me making time as something that has been squandered / useless within my life when studying art, without realizing that such categorization and valuation in time can only exist if I measure myself according to what ‘others’ have done in their lives/ what their careers will be/ have been which I have considered are more suitable to our current reality and projects within this world, other than having an ‘art degree.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience a slight shame of myself when people ask what I studied, almost as if I wanted to hide the fact that I studied art for seeing it now as a useless piece of study and wasted time in my life, instead of actually considering that it is a career just as any other career in our current world system wherein no-career is in fact precisely supportive for human beings, as all careers and studies are currently veered toward maintaining a world system based on money/ survival wherein no life is currently being considered as THE point to support within all careers and all studies.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that no matter if I walked the ‘artist character’ I did not precisely tap into the judgments and criticism toward art itself and all the backchat I’ve held toward it which is similar to what one partner would have to say about another partner when the relationship didn’t work out – thus, I realize that my grudge toward myself for my own choices in life, are affecting me to finally do this ‘final kick’ as I am seeing myself being apparently incongruent with having to write about ‘my experience’ in school which is something that I have still judged as a ‘useless/ waste of time,’ while fearing actually hurting/ demeaning people’s activity there which is all related to art, obviously.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I ever had a ‘real affection’ for art or ‘real love’ for art as I used to say to myself, without realizing that I simply chose this a s point to get infatuated with , as it covered my then personality requirements and satisfied me as my ego – which is how and why after walking this process almost from the beginning of my career, I had a tough time having to realize how I had fooled myself around the whole ‘art thing’ in the first place as a total character that I embodied/ became for my personal benefit and desires to be famous/ well known and have good money without having to be ‘in the system,’ which is how due to holding a judgment toward myself for such choices in life, I now don’t want ‘anything to do’ with it, without realizing that it is very convenient backchat that I have formulated in order to not do things.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that people/ professors are expecting something of me – while at the same time realizing that I haven’t really built any ‘artist portfolio’ that I could present myself with, which I had created as a separate aspect of myself in relation to being a ‘visual artist’ without realizing that I am actually walking the process of creating myself which in itself, must also be an ‘art’ as a self-mastery that is not related to color or shapes or concepts other than working with the concept that I’ve become – thus there is no point to use the backchat of ‘they must be expecting something ‘great’ from me within this work’ which is only one added point of fearing not being ‘good enough’ within others’ expectations, which is then an aspect that I see myself being ‘limited by’ – wanting to in my mind create this ‘great revolutionary work’ and thinking of all the possible ways to approach it, instead of actually physically writing it out, arranging it so that it becomes an actuality instead of just a ‘great thing’ in my mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create my own standards of ‘excellence’ within me that I am eventually tampering my ability to work with myself, and this is in relation to who I am with regards to the idea of myself as ‘the great student’ and within this belief of myself, still holding it as a background and character that I must apparently ‘fulfill’ at the eyes of the academy,  which is then me as ego wanting to do a work as ego, not really benefiting anyone with it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to now go into a ‘guilty experience’ due to having squandered time to get this done, and realizing that many would have wanted to be in my position which is just another way to blackmail myself into feeling ‘bad’ and thus moving myself only out of guilt and remorse instead of simply clearing my starting point to do this work.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create the starting point of doing this work as a way to simply ‘get this done and over with,’ which is not entirely stemming from self-stability and decision to do it, but mostly like a ‘stone/ obstacle to get out of the way’ which is then not an equal and one participation moment to moment to do it, but mostly something that is simply done to ‘get over with it’ which contains an entire experience of my own disillusionment with the career, which is just like signing away a divorce by first having to spend one more time with the ‘ex-partner’ without really being together any longer thus –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of my entire career as a failed-decision, a failed-marriage, a failed-experience due to realizing the starting point in self honesty of me having chosen this career. Thus instead of further victimization with regards to seeing it all as a ‘wrong choice,’ I realize that this is further excuses and justifications wherein I have considered ‘how I feel’ toward art/  my career and create a relationship with it, instead of seeing it as any other systematic task that I must accomplish as part of the responsibilities I hold toward my world and reality ‘as is.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed so much bullshit to run around in my mind as backchat that I ‘pay attention to’ in order to procrastinate this point within the ‘uselessness’ category, wherein I see that in my mind I apparently would expect to ‘invest my time’ in something ‘greater’ however, this is a blatant excuse as that would be creating my own value system according to what I consider is ‘more valuable/ more worthy to spend my precious time on’ and what not, which is not so.

 

I realize that this work to be done is actually a cool opportunity to leave a whole new perspective of approaching – well not entirely/ absolutely ‘New’ but continuing where Beuys left off – the creative act and creation in itself of the individual and society as a whole.

 

I realize that all of these statements, future projections, past regrets and spiteful actions toward ‘my career’ are in fact toward myself and my choice to study art, which implies that I must first forgive myself unconditionally for the choices I’ve made in my life – which is a necessary point to not make this ‘more’ than what it is.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate my career to this ‘bad experience/ bad romance’ that ended up ‘bad’ according to the high expectations that I had held toward myself, my career and my so-called certainty to change my vocation to art instead of being a linguist, wherein I see there is a point of regret – however, there is no point in holding on to this –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel guilty for all the amount of money that my father spent on this career all for me to eventually ‘be an artist’ which I am not going to be in this life, and within this use this point of ‘feeling bad’ as another excuse to simply Not do this at all, as a way to not wanting to be facing my own decision within doing the work, not wanting to face my own career choice while doing the work – and all of these limitations have climbed up to become an obstacle that has become like a grudge within me that I have used as a justification and excuse to not do things.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience failure within me when seeing people actually enjoying themselves within the career and already moving within the artworld wherein I see myself as nowhere near that or even interested in that which has also become a point of comparison and believing that I cannot possibly write about something that I am not fully committed to – which implies that I am still seeing the starting point of doing this work as it being ‘for the academy’ instead of this work being for myself, to actually complete what I have vowed myself to do and finish from the beginning.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually hear/ pay attention and even use these mind assessments of my reality as something ‘valuable’ to consider in order to direct myself within my world and reality, which is unacceptable considering that none of them are in fact standing within the consideration of supporting and assisting myself to get things done without using any background information/ backchat to decide whether doing it or not.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use backchat as a way to convince me that this would not have to be done in the end and within me holding a ‘hope’ that somehow this would not have to be done, that I would be able to regain my automatic graduation point without having to do this work, without realizing that in such hope I am existing in a similar way to a faithfully deceived religious person that waits for something/ someone to fix their situation, instead of taking Self Responsibility at all times.

 

I realize that I have all the ability to stop associating this work to being the fruit of a failed decision in life and instead, align its starting point to a living decision that I’ve made to dedicate myself to what is best for all and as such, realizing that no matter for whom or for what I write, what I write as myself, my expression, no need to ‘fix myself’ to suit parameters that I have believed myself I must ‘fake’ in order to please others, this is about my own creation that stands as an extension of myself, my own realizations and as such, is no different to writing a blog, writing a post, writing myself to explain myself to any other person.

I realize that I have been the only one that has been the real obstacle within this all as the relationship of love/hate I created toward my career choice,  nothing else but another character that I made of myself – thus this stops here.

 

I commit myself to stop creating excuses and justifications as thoughts of how and why this is something useless to do and that I’d rather ‘do something else,’ without realizing that these are just blatant excuses to not do this in fact – thus, I direct myself to establish me as the starting point of this work, to establish myself as the directive principle within this task instead of still thinking that I am doing this for ‘someone else’ or only to ‘get a paper.’ I instead assist and support me to realize that I am my own starting point at all times of everything that I do, write, say and think even, wherein I can decide in one single moment to step out of character and this entire relationship toward my past and simply do this as a fresh-point that I decide to begin here.

I realize that I do not require to ‘carry’ all my past and personal experience within it, but actually be able to create a common sensical perspective upon creation/ creative process in itself in means of creating oneself as an individual that is able to become an equal part of the whole while using our self-creative abilities to do so, which is what begins with myself by writing this out and using this document as a way to also support others to realize the same.

 

More to continue.. Yes, until it is done.

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160. Pious

Making a Hypocritical display of virtue

The word hits the nail on the head to explain a self-conscious virtue that one display in order to get quite a satisfaction from actually showing it off, while waiting to ‘gain points’ to obtain that which is either able to be categorized as a ‘good being reputation,’ a ‘benevolent’ person that supports those in need or a piece of heaven for it, which was the type of constant self-consciousness I would have: be good, be benevolent, you don’t want ‘others’ talking shit about you.  Hence, all this ‘good deeds’ were in fact always motivated by ‘how others will see me’ and maintaining this flawless reputation that I created from when I was in school. However, I learned how the system works and started using it for my own benefit, which included creating a positive reputation so that later on no one could ‘doubt’ of me doing something that was ‘wrong’ or ‘bad.’ And I must say that even in this point of awareness of human-reputation, I would mostly fear doing something bad/ wrong because of an ingrained fear of god/ punishment in ‘unknown ways,’ because I also learned how people were supposed to get a hell of a life if they had been ‘bad people’ in their lives – hence the ignorant belief that poor people had been in fact very bad people in past lives.

When thinking of the word pious what I get is several experiences lined up as the same type of event: showing others how to do something in school/ supporting them to get past any form of problem to which I would always get a kick when being thanked or even praised for ‘being such an angel/ good person’ and helping them out, deeply knowing that I was in fact doing it to get this type of psychological reward while believing as well that they would only say that to later on be able to ask me again/ be supported/ helped by me.

In this the superwoman point emerged, I mean, believing that one is in fact able to help others and live a life doing that in order to ‘make others feel good and make myself feel good,’ however how much of that was in fact actually supportive if I were to only solve their problems without them taking responsibility for it? And also within me: what was the driving force to place myself at the disposition to support? Altruism and ‘good hearted people’ may seem like apple pies on the outside, but as we know and realize our human nature we cannot possibly remain within this nice belief considering that the very system that we live in is based upon Rewards, which translate into any type of positive energy/ money that adds up like stars in a rating system. And that’s what it was all about: being the star with most ‘positive feedback’ to, just like any other product, gain value in my world-market to make myself feel good, ensure a future of well-being – because, you know, people that are able to establish such good reputation from an early age were supposed to be winners/ ensured successful beings in the world system. And it seems even unreal to say it, but I became aware of it at a very early age upon seeing how such reputation worked at the level of world-system/ business/  money/ relationships, becoming this ‘golden trophy’ that I knew would add up within my reputation the more I ‘did good.’

 

And this is essentially what I was basing my life upon, it was actually like a constant masquerade I’d wear and become very aware of whenever I would get to a new school, with any ‘new people’ I’d meet, new environments I’d settle in, using a ‘good sense of humor’ and the willingness to ‘help’ as a way to create relationships out of self interest, realizing how I would probably eventually ‘need them in the future,’ and as such becoming a calculator within my demon.stration of benevolence as a pious showoff of such ‘virtues’ = making relationships in an easy way out of self interest. This lasted up to the time when I still wanted to be such an example of ‘good person’ and that ended like 10 years ago. After that I went to the opposite side due to becoming rather critical about any attempt to be successful in the world, however I still would not give up my ‘achieved path,’ I kept the desire to build such reputation but in an apparently ‘unconventional manner’ which lead me to an even ‘more’ special point of reputation to the point of sickening myself with feedback from others saying how benevolent/ good person/ considerate one I was. And hell,  for all that we are aware now as our process, I would not trust a single thing of feedback anyone else had to say about me, because I knew I was doing it and probably everyone else was also doing it and as long as any of such ‘benevolent acts’ were actually fueled by the desire to get a point of recognition/ positive feedback/ stars accumulated in my curriculum, none of it can be considered as an actual point of self-support in consideration of others as myself.

This is within the vein of ‘The Force of Good’ points that we probably never investigated within us, because we believed that such ‘good/ positive’ thinking/ deeds were ‘absolutely honest’ and ‘good natured,’ however how can Anything of what we’ve done in fact be ‘good’ if we only considered our own reputation, our own ‘good feelings’ about such deeds in fact. We have all been hypocritical for that matter and this is just part of the aspects of how we have hand picked our life experiences to remember always in a positive/ laureate manner while hiding the actual starting point for such actions being only self interest.

What we have to realize is that we are in fact able to support each other to get to stand as our optimal living condition in this world once that there is no competition to be ‘the most benevolent one’ to get the most “good reputation” that translates to credit/ money within the world system to get all the benefits. IF we give benefits to ALL beings equally,  THEN, what is there to ‘disguise’ as a benevolent being/ pious display of virtues in self interest any longer? Nothing, there will be no more laureate people doing anything ‘benevolent’ in self interest, and instead it will become a single living-integrated realization that life can only flourish and continue if all beings are Equally Supported as Life. Once that survivalism is no longer the measure point for our actions, our lives can be measured/ valued and lived according to the physical-worth of actions that in fact support life in Equality.

 

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154. The Ladder of Success is Self Abuse

Consumerism is Self-Consumption

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the belief that buying is a pleasant experience and a hobby, wherein one learn to see the act of consuming as a a fulfilling experience that satisfies and quenches that seemingly constant ‘void’ that is perceived when there is no energetic experience going on within us, which is how we have defined energy as Living instead of understanding how it is that these energetic experiences in fact lead us to our very own depletion/consumption and eventual death, as all energy implies the consumption of the physical, the burning of the fuel that is the physical in order to create what we only see as a ‘fulfilling/ pleasant/ satisfying experience,’ because no one on Earth had even known how it is that this process of Thinking actually goes through, and it is now that we have the information through the material available at Eqafe such as the Quantum Mind Series that we are able to understand how everything that we have ever thought is implying a form of abuse toward ourselves as the physicality that we really are, all in the name of an experience that only goes up in the mind, without no apparent further consequence other than a momentary high which is what we have in fact become addicted to: Energy as a make-believe ‘living experience’ while ignoring the actual gruesome reality that goes behind every single thought that we participate on, which implies our own self-consumption.

This is the point that we had not realized when labeling ‘consumerism as a pleasant experience’ and not seeing/ realizing and understanding How such pleasant experience is created and what is actually enabling this experience, which is and can only exist if ‘something else gives It/ provides it which in this case is the physical that is literally ‘nailed’ just like Jesus on the cross in order to give that ‘kingdom of god’ that we have foolishly defined as money, wealth and the experience that we have defined through/as money as happiness, fulfillment, power, satisfaction as the saturation of energy that we have foolishly ‘bought’ to be ‘real’ in any way, because we have ignored our own physicality as the actual equality and oneness as life, as the actual source of that experience that we believe is ‘who we are,’ due to not seeing, realizing and understanding how the mind works in relation to the physical body and how it runs like an engine gnawing our very own physical tissue to keep its energetic functions going – all of this is explained in the Frog Series that I suggest listening to in order to understand consumerism as a point of self abuse and how we have the actual capacity to correct this points within a new system like the Equal Money System beginning with Ourselves as that equal and one relationship developed within our mind toward the physical.

 

When and as I see myself participating in the thought of ‘Buying is a Pleasant experience’ and projecting this judgment upon others to see them as ‘ignorant,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have been absolutely ignorant to the actual understanding of how all ‘Positive Experiences’ are created at the expense of the physical which is the sacrificial rite that we do on a daily basis whenever we think and only follow our own personal benefit/ happiness point, while believing that we are enhancing our ‘living experience’ and ‘evolution’ in ourselves, without understanding how we are actually sacrificing our own flesh and living substance due to the accepted and allowed belief that thinking, having feelings and emotions is something ‘natural’ to the human being.

We have been oblivious to what extent we have abused ourselves/ all that is here whenever we simply consider it was very easy to follow energy as ‘living,’ which is the necessary education that must be taken on in our reality so that we can in fact, at last, understand that this current system of consumerism based on linking consuming/ buying to a positive experience is an evidently unsustainable system, wherein we only see the ‘nice’ and ‘positive’ and ‘attractive’ points as the final product made for our own benefit, while neglecting the actual gruesome reality that goes behind the entire production process and extraction of prime matter – nice way to name the Earth’s resources – in order to transform it/ configure it in a way that we impose our wants, needs and desires toward this satisfaction/ fulfilling point as a positive experience that we have believed is ‘all that we are here for in our lives,’ while missing out every moment of actual living here in Equality and Oneness as the physical, as Breath, simply because we trained/educated ourselves to only regard Energy as Living.

And this you can understand in the series the Crucifixion of Jesus in the chapter number 7 that speaks about this ‘Ladder of Success’

 

I commit myself to stop judging and within this reinforcing the same mechanisms of separation that we have participated in, which implies using our minds to assess/ value/ define this physical reality in terms and way that we benefit ourselves from, due to the premise of accepting life as an energetic experience –thus it is to educate myself to ensure that I am aware of how it is that I have become what we can see in each one of ourselves and this world in its entirety as the outflow and consequence of our own accepted and allowed perception of life being an energetic experience that is either positive or negative, and within this, exposing how it is that our own wants, needs and desires became manifested as every single product that we are able to BUY now with money that is not readily available/ given to all unconditionally, which is indicating how we have separated ourselves from our very own physicality as this entire world through a belief system in our minds, that sustains our entire economical model at the moment – this is no different to the thinking pattern of believing that buying/ consuming a single thing to own/ possess/ eat/ wear/ use is what ‘living’ is about (which is how we have defined living as an experience) wherein we diminish ourselves to being only ‘thinking’ instead of breathing and understanding the physicality as who we really are and how we consume it while thinking/ following our thoughts.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to when entering a mall/ commercial center/ market, and seeing all the plethora of things there are to buy and its wide variety, I get the pictures of the media and how they present similar products wherein then I access a thinking-pattern to blame the media for ‘brainwashing us,’ without realizing how there is Nothing in this world that was made ‘by the hand of a god,’ we are all responsible for it and that implies that we created the media in order to constantly create new needs/ desires within people in order to fulfill and satisfy the exigencies that we’ve established as a monetary system that requires constant consumption to continue going, which is very clear how our current system is energy-driven as an abusive relationship upon the physical, instead of having created and established and agreed upon a world system wherein we can support one another as equals, standings As the equality and oneness that we in fact are, but that we didn’t do because we accepted the mind to be the one that dictates ourselves in relationships of separation toward everything and all that is here, which is why and how Media is so effective, as it presents a relationship of separation creating a desire/ want/ need in terms of buying/ consuming products in the name of getting a positive experience out of it, and us accepting that as ‘Real’ and ‘True’ because of our own accepted and allowed separation from this physical reality through an energetic experience created in our minds toward that point that we then call our ‘desire/ want/ need’

This implies that all we are currently following is our own self interest, without understanding how such cultivation of personal-needs/ special needs are only existent for those that have money and that form part of the ‘active participants in society’ wherein money has defined who is valuable to the system to perpetuate its functioning and who’s not, thus using Media to create an incentive for ourselves to enter the ‘realm of happiness’/ become part of the Elite where money buys the smiles and fulfillment, using money that is also a belief system of abuse due to it being created only out of thin air with its main purpose being the control and centralization of power for a few, while entertaining ‘the masses’ to contribute to this through entertainment/ media in order to continually go seeking for theses positive experiences that are linked to the ideal image/ presentation of successful living  of those that sit in the royal chairs of ‘power and control’ within the same configured system of ‘power’ = ‘money,’ which is actually only a make-believe system, hence: NO power is real, no money is Real but what is Real is the abuse that we inflict upon ourselves every time that we diminish ourselves to Believing that such money is in fact ‘powerful’ and that owning/ possessing something/ someone is in fact making ourselves ‘more’ than who we already here – this happening every time that we follow a single desire to acquire, buy and consume in means of personal satisfaction and fulfillment.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to blame something or someone for the current state of reality we’re living in, in separation of myself – I stop and I breathe – I realize that we are ‘specialists’ in projecting blame toward others for being ‘the villain’ and ‘the bad guydoing this to ourselves, without understanding how it is that we created our own reasons and justifications to perpetuate a system wherein self interest is the main cultivated aspect of ‘who we are’ as human beings, wherein everything that we have created and configured as our world system – money, policies, economy, education, religions, leisure, science, technology – is directed to benefit and please only a fraction of the population that have enough money to really have a good life, which is the main primary point that is promoted through media/ ads everywhere, infiltrating what’s cunningly called ‘public opinion’ to create a commonly accepted ‘standard living’ in society based Not on a common well being and direct understanding and interaction with nature/ the Earth, the animal kingdom as part of ‘who we are,’ but instead diminished everything to only being a consuming-aspect to keep up the ‘satisfaction’ experience within ourselves as our mind which must be understood as the very mechanism of self-depletion that we run on a daily basis, being the relationship of who we are as the mind toward the physical the actual point to investigate  and learn about, to understand How we have made of consumption to sustain our physicality an entire mind-created experience linked to getting ‘the most of it all’ and defining such point of abuse as ‘power’ without understanding a thing about the current monetary system wherein such power can in fact only stem from the abuse inflicted to all of the Earth’s resources, animal kingdom, humanity as well in order to ‘keep running’ this entire machinery that we have called a ‘living system,’ which is in fact not at all so, because we have not  yet established our individual understanding of equality and oneness as this physical reality which is then why and how

I commit myself to support myself to continue understanding who I am in relation to the world system, how my very own thoughts/ participation in emotions and feelings and defining this entire reality according to a value-system wherein the monetary system I have believed to have any ‘solid foundation’ is in fact determining my own relationship to other beings, things and the world in itself, due to us having accepted and allowed ourselves to diminish who we are to a set of predefined, predetermined, finite relationships based on energetic experiences such as power, success, happiness through consumption which must be first of all understood as the relationship that we have created within ourselves toward our own mind in separation of the physicality that we are, which is the first step to consider if we see and realize how our own system is flawed from the very beginning of its creation, and our existence as a whole, because we separated ourselves from each other and developing relationships toward one another and giving it a value, which is the premise that lead us to currently desire, want and need such experience of ‘reuniting’ as a possession/ consumption point instead of an equal and one relationship and understanding of who we are as equal and one to that point of desire, want and need.

 

Walk with us in our Journey To Life and to establish a living-common-sense in our reality through a Monetary Reform that that we can All participate in through democratic means, simply by externalizing our awareness of how this entire world system is a scam that we have all been participants of and within that, taking responsibility for the consequences we’ve created through establishing a life-considerate system as the Equal Money System, so that we can re-establish our relationships to ourselves, the world/ each other in Equality and no more create belief systems of ‘power’ and ‘success’ only through accepting life being limited to a single energetic experience that can only exist through the abuse of the physical through the mind.

Time to Wake the fuck up!

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System

 

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