Category Archives: psychiatry

383. To Forget to Self-Forgive

First Cousin Once Removed Preview (HBO Documentary Films) (2012) by Alan Berliner

Remember to Forget’ were the words chosen by a poet with Alzheimer as his last statement to the potential million viewers of the documentary ‘First cousin once removed’ by Alan Berliner, which depicts his life in his last months of living with this mental condition, and it is interesting that the words ‘For-Get’ and ‘For-Give’ can be a bit similar, but there’s a world of difference between both, where the act of merely ‘wanting to forget’ can lead us to experience something like Alzheimer, in an attempt to let go of the memories, the identity, the past, the load of experiences with which we created and inflicted the most trauma/harm/abuse within ourselves, and so wanting to forget as a way to ‘cope with the past,’ and that’s how such forced ‘eraser’ move in the mind can lead to this memory-loss problem.

 

I enjoyed this documentary, it’s very well made and I recommend it to see first hand what Alzheimer is like, and the reasons that usually lead to it, along with the genetic disposition that can exist – which as we now understand how the memories of those that have gone before us are integrated within/as ourselves as the mind in the womb, as the information we have ‘pre-loaded’ within us as the ‘sins of the fathers’ – then it makes sense that Alzheimer can ‘run in the family’ as a trait developed to want to forget about one’s deeds, one’s traumatic past, one’s wrong-doings and essentially take the forced road to a ‘way out’ of it all, a way to not face one’s inner demons.

 

The documentary could’ve had a subtitle – in the words of the film’s director – a Poets’ Alzheimer, since the documentary is about the ‘first cousin once removed’ from the director of this film who happened to be a poet, a writer, a translator, a man of ‘great achievements’ only to get to the last days of his life forgetting about it all, and it for sure brings us back to this point of our Journey To Life and the route to Nothingness. Edwin Honig – the protagonist of this documentary – gets to such ‘nothingness’ though not in a self-aware and self-directive manner to it and this is what I’d like to discuss here because it doesn’t make sense to get to this point of ‘Nothingness’ as in remembering – apparently – nothing through simply deciding to block the memory, to forget.

 

The things that Edwin could vividly recall – at times, when it seemed he wasn’t unconsciously deliberately ‘wanting to forget’ – were traumatic moments in his life: being blamed for his brother’s death when he was a child, having been to the army and shooting others, and maybe some family member he was fond of, but that was it. He is shown recordings with traces of the achievements throughout his life explained by himself at an earlier stage in his life, all his books, his poems, his translations of some ‘great writers,’ and so forth, and it was quite amusing to see how he would watch these recordings of himself explaining all his studies, his achievements and saying something in the lines of ‘He’s trying too hard to be someone’ and so yes, this is most of the things we put all our time and effort to, to build up the idea of ‘who we are’ as our mind, our ego – not realizing that life is not memories and how when one has no more memories to ‘hold on to’ then all of these lifetime achievements are reduced to nothing but pretentious additions we identify ourselves as, which can be later on absolutely forgotten and ultimately end up at death. Edwin had kept journals on a daily basis for over 50 years, so he also tried too hard to remember, only to end up forgetting it all. It seems like an ‘overload’ of too many memories, too many things he wanted to keep but eventually forget that he ended up ‘forgetting it all.’

 

I liked the fact that at some point, due to being asked many questions by the documentary maker (his cousin) he would just ask him to be forgotten, to not exist for some days, weeks, months and so in a way it could be him realizing that he was just telling his-story, the tale we all become as a bunch of memories we then believe is ‘all we are’ which is absolutely limited. We have reduced ourselves to become a curriculum, a data base with memories, experiences, feelings, the ideas we believe others have about ourselves, the feelings and constructs we impose onto reality, our entire ego that we accumulate throughout time, and how when we eventually ‘want to forget’ due to the emotional load that it creates within us, maybe that’s when Alzheimer emerges as an absolute ‘shutdown’ of these memories, which I interpret as a decision to Not Forgive, but Only Forget.

 

Dullness

 

Alzheimer seems to be the result of Forgetting to Forgive, but not only ‘Forgive’ in itself, but to Self-Forgive. It’s interesting that Edwin hadn’t been such a good father after all and how his ‘children’ – now grown up males – hold a grudge against him due to what he would do to them, which they interpreted as abusive, as him being an a*hole. And so, Edwin could not remember at all that he had children/sons, and even when the time comes for one of them to visit him, he shows exhaustion, maybe because memories would come back and so the load of remorse, guilt, the entire emotional experience created throughout time could come back, and so he’s left alone. Alzheimer seems to be a way to evade reality, to evade looking at one’s demons and learning how to self-forgive ourselves for it all, a way to escape from facing self-responsibility and as such wanting to ‘put memories down’ not realizing that the level and extent to which we are tied to as our memories and our mind cannot be ‘shut down’ or these ‘side effects’ emerge.

 

This is also another way to see how without walking this process of Self-Forgiveness to learn how to recognize our thoughts, words and deeds that could have caused ourselves inner-conflicts and struggles that we eventually lashed out onto others, affecting them and learn how to self-forgive ourselves for it all, bit by bit, word by word, and we only try and ‘forget it all’ causes an illness, because one is attempting to ‘get rid’ of the memories instead of actually understanding how we created such problems, how we participated in them, why, why did we allow it to become an emotional burden, who did we affect with our deeds too, what do we feel incapable of forgiving ourselves for that we instead choose to simply evade and ‘forget’?

 

And if we were able to remember who we have been from the beginning of our existence, we would have all gone through the same ‘deletion’ process as Alzheimer to go back to ‘ignorance is bliss’ mode, which is in fact what we do whenever we attempt to forget our past, our history and recreate the same abuse and harm because we don’t want to remember and take responsibility for our lives, our world as our creation and change the patterns for once and for all.

 

It’s interesting that one documentary that shows the actual nature of the memories left in a person with Alzheimer can shed more light than any scientific study attempting to understand the origin of it, which once again is also confirming what has been explained at Desteni in relation to Alzheimer Syndrome which I suggest to anyone to investigate and get rid of these ‘enigmas’ that still exist in humanity, while it’s already been 7 years of having the opportunity to learn about the totality of who we are as human beings, as preprogrammed mind consciousness systems that can create a short-circuit process in order to not have to confront one’s own inner demons all the time, creating things like Alzheimer or the usual anxiety, fears, phobias and general stress that we impose onto our physical body every time we are ‘living’-through-the-mind.

 

An aspect I enjoyed is seeing how Edwin only expressed appreciation for the expression of a child – the director’s son – because he was a child, expressing himself with music, in the moment, not questioning him about ‘who he was’ or who he could remember, but just being in the moment, which is also another point to consider about this ‘nothingness’ that we can all exist as, as a self-created result of learning how to self-forgive, to correct, to let go within self-responsibility and full awareness of choosing to be living in the moment – which is different from this form of Alzheimer’s ‘living in the moment’ as an accidental result of wanting to evade one’s memory, which is why in this case someone that doesn’t represent a ‘threat’ to one’s self-definition can become someone we enjoy too.

 

 

This documentary should also support with the realization that who we are and who we define ourselves to be is nothing else but a collection of memories and experiences that we build up as ‘who we are’ and we indeed put so much ‘effort’ onto it, without realizing that it is only the ‘who we are in the mind’ that we are valuing and accumulating as knowledge and information, while we forget about the words that we can live and become as an essence of ourselves – not the titles, not the money, not the recognition, not the studies, not the professions or definitions that others can give onto us – but the words we decide to live in full self-awareness. Just as the point we hear a lot about in Desteni on ‘stopping the mind,’ it doesn’t mean: forget about who you were and be ‘living in the here now moment’ absolutely oblivious of everything, as if one could simply ‘turn the page’ and have a blank one without any consequence. So if anything, this film depicts the consequences of not being able to cope with our mind, our memories, an entire life of wanting to ‘cherish all memories’ and the outcome when you realize the fiction you’ve become as a character and eventually just want to throw the character out of the window and remain as the flesh and bones we are… that’s what creates the consequence as a forced de-egofication process.

I am able to relate to the idea of wanting to cherish every moment as the ‘old me’ that was on my way to do that all the time, and having that mentality of wanting to be a writer someday that could use those memories to create more fictional characters through which I could live through as well, and I’m glad I stopped myself, which to myself as my ego it was the same as some form of egocide, because stopping ‘cherishing memories’ – even with the compulsion I had to be taking pictures all the time – I was on my way to fill memory cards and entire notebooks of my own personalities with no direction – which is also the type of writing I was doing before this process, using art as just another way to convolute the perception of who we are as human beings: point-less, self-referenced, self-interested beings seeking this something to ‘fill in the void’ with and ending up in some kind of nonsense with a life wasted in this perpetual ‘search’ which I now see that we all as human beings have, nothing else but the gloom created as the result of separating ourselves from who we really are as life, as the substance that unites us all as one and equal.

 

Today we discussed about this existential anguish in relation to ‘losing all hope to humanity’ not realizing that I was maybe on my way to creating yet another ‘disorder’ to simply evade facing reality – which we all do one way or another by creating any form of emotion or feeling to make the whole thing turn into a ‘me-myself-I’ experience rather than taking responsibility for the problems we create in our lives and this world and turn it only into a ‘concern’ – and how if I hadn’t discovered Desteni and the ability to Self-Forgive, I would have probably continued down the spiraling road of using art as a way to express this absolute ‘lostness’ that I experienced for great part of my life up to 6 years ago when everything started making sense.

 

All I can say is that it is quite a relief to no longer be drilling my mind with the usual existential-queries and ‘enigmas’ that used to also occupy my-time here, thinking about time, and death, and memories, and identity, and fictional characters, and this life as a dream and so forth… all of which has existed as part of our philosophy with no concrete realization to simply see the direct reality of it all: we have used our mind to divert our attention from reality, from the actual consequences and physical existence that we tend to cloud or ‘paint with other colors’ through thinking about reality, through ‘feeling’ or ‘becoming emotional’ about it and pondering these energetic flicks as ‘more’ than what life really is.

 

After the film ended, Alan Berliner had a Q&A session with the audience, and he ended up saying that ‘Memories are the glue to life’ and I couldn’t disagree more as this mentality is what has kept us since the beginning of our existence as human beings tied to a past that we then ‘choose to forget’ proving that we haven’t moved an iota from the very initial problems we were programmed with, just because we have accepted our mind to be ‘who we really are,’ forgetting or not even being aware of what Life really is, which is not and will never be knowledge and information, and memories. Just like in all our devices – memories are nothing but part of the system that enables us to function as clusters of space and time in a disk drive that sometimes gets full and overloaded and requires some ‘rebooting’ because there’s just ‘too much to info to handle,’ and that’s also what Alzheimer seems like.

 

Memories cannot be the ‘glue of life’ as they are only invisible bits of information we believe is who we are. Life doesn’t require a glue, life is not divided, life is all that is already here that we have separated ourselves from in every moment that we define ourselves as a picture, as an emotion, a thought, a feeling, a memory, all of it part of the masks that we craft and can end up driving us crazy if we continue to overlook the reality and simplicity of who we are here as breathing flesh and bones physical beings that have to now use our memory practically and constructively, to go self-forgiving each thought, word and deed that we’ve acted upon and created in order to ‘forget about who we are’ and as such, not take responsibility for who we are and have become. Look at this world, read the news, talk with people on the streets, look within yourself in your mind and see how this world is our reflection.

 

Learning how to Self-Forgive is the greatest gift one can give to oneself if one does not want to end up driving oneself absolutely insane, or mentally kaput for not having the courage to stand in the face of ourselves, of our past no matter how ‘bad it may seem or how ‘overwhelming’ the consequences of it already are, there is no other way but to stand up for it and face it. Self-Honesty takes Courage and that’s something one has to develop in order to not end up mentally ill due to wanting to forget. My suggestion is to then do this: learn how to Self-Forgive, Remember to Self-Forgive instead of compounding the inner turmoil and the cowardice to recognize who we are and have become, not only as individuals, but as humanity – and so, whenever we see ourselves feeling guilty, ashamed, embarrassed, overwhelmed by our past, our memories, our mind, it is that moment where instead of remaining in the victimization of the experience: we stand up, take a deep breath and decide to self-forgive the experience, the memory, the thought, the deeds and correct ourselves in the moment in the realization that no one did this to us but ourselves, and no one will ‘forgive us’ as there is no God, but ourselves, our own creators.

 

The one last mercy we can give to ourselves is Self Forgiveness, let’s use it and become physical living breathing beings that can stop pondering too much about what life, death, a thought or memories are and rather learn how to live in every moment of breath directing our lives to be and become an example of what we all know we can be when correcting all the mess of the past to stand as self-directive and self-honest individuals, always considering what is best for self and all as equals: no memory required but only as a remembrance of a past to never repeat again.

 

To learn more about Desteni’s perspective on Alzheimer and Memories:

 

To stop being defined only as a memory chip of emotions and feelings:


267. The Greatest Addiction Ever: The Mind

 

“Energy is a by-product of life, it is not alive – we became addicted to our creation as energy and in this way we abdicated life ending up as just the light produced by energy – like a shadow of what we really are. At Desteni I Process this self deception is corrected through a self help process. Do it – before the lights go out for the final time.” – Bernard Poolman

 

Here I share some feedback in relation to my own process and how I have walked this point so far. Since I began my process of Self-Forgiveness, Self Honesty through writing, developing Common Sense and essentially taking the decision to support myself to actually Live for the very first time, I have dedicated myself to work with every single point that has occupied my mind in quite an astounding manner. I mean, this goes from memories, pictures, sounds, wants, needs, desires.. the way I can describe it is like when you are constantly hungry and no matter how much you eat, you are always wanting ‘something more,’ that’s how I have seen the parasitical nature that the mind exists as.  As Humans we have never learned ‘what to do’ with these experiences, we only learn/ are told to ‘cope with them’ or seek the opposite experience in order to be ‘happy/ well/ good’ again – this is quite a problem and a general result of the ignorance we had toward the actual functioning of the mind and its grip on the physical body, wherein no matter How  you define experiences to be as either ‘positive or negative,’ energy is energy and the effects on the physical body that is consumed in order to power up this mind-system does not care how you define such experiences as long as one Remains in such constant self-experiences.

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

Throughout these blogs we have also realized that there is more to addictions than just getting a positive experience due to the inherent instability that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as from the moment that we allow the integration of the mind as ‘who we are’ and start defining our beingness according to mood, ‘states of being,’ emotions, feelings and allow the thoughts to direct who we are.

 

I was talking to my mother this morning and explained how this process has been for me like placing myself into rehab and going through actual withdrawal symptoms that are in fact experienced at a physical level the moment that we no longer feed our usual ‘inner turmoil’ that would ensure we remain locked within predefined patterns of existence that we had believed were ‘unchangeable,’ unable to let go of, unable to correct, unable to stop. This Process in essence means the most intensive mind-rehab program you’ll ever walk, because it is not only about stopping participation in your regular drug-addictions or self destructive behaviors, but it is in fact placing ourselves in a total rehabilitation program to finally align the absolute nature of who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as the mind.

 

Okay, but What or who am I as the mind? – you might wonder  – well, it is in essence every single self-definition that we have participated in that gives us either a negative experience or a positive experience as emotions and feelings respectively – every single memory, thought, physical movement, experiences as feelings, emotions, sounds, words that defines ‘who we are,’ what we like, what is ‘in character’ and what is ‘out of character,’ it is everything that we have accepted as our ‘true nature’ that is constantly wanting, needing, desiring, hoping, yearning, dreaming, seeking to escape from itself, seeking to get more, be greater, faster, be ‘whole and complete’ and all of this obtained through doing/ consuming anything or anyone that we can get an experience from.

 

“I commit myself to show that the MIND has NO Power and that MIND Power only developed as another CONSUMER PRODUCT where the Human feeds off the Program of Self-Interest without ANY AWARENESS that Life as the LIVING FLESH is being Abused just for Producing Feelings that act like a DRUG to which the Personality and the Flesh is ADDICTED.”  – Bernard Poolman

 

When one deliberately stops this point of ‘getting an experience in life,’ one becomes essentially more stable, there is no longer this constant ‘hunger’ for more, there is no constant inadequacy experienced, there is no longer this constant self-loathing/ hatred toward oneself and the world which leads to a constant desire to just ‘make it all stop,’ there is no longer the being uncomfortable in one’s own skin, there is no longer the constant judgmental thinking toward everything and everyone outside of ourselves – which by the way, it’s never about ‘them’ but always about ourselves –  there is no feeling of being ‘less’ become you expect to become more and more each day – but at the same time it is not a blissful experience either, as that would be self deception again: using our physical body to get a Mind-experience of apparent ‘well-being’ which cannot be defined as an energetic high, but must be rather considered as a constant stability that must be granted from one to another as an equality system wherein we can all get the necessary support to Live and genuinely enjoy life.

 

As one goes stopping the constant gnawing regular thoughts, what comes up is the ingrained physical patterns that represent the actual nature of ourselves – meaning, once we stop victimizing ourselves in our constant complains, judgments, self pity, self loathing thinking, what emerges is becoming more aware of the actual factors that make us decide ‘who we are’ and why we do what we do and what governs our every single move – this is where I see that Self Will is of utmost importance, to actually let go of wanting to ‘dive into’ the mind and any form of energetic experience and instead, will oneself to act/do/be and become a stable breathing living being that does not require to think, get emotional or experience feelings to live, but simply Is and exists here as the physical body.

 

Being in the physical: this is an important consideration for anyone that is willing to work and walk through any form of addiction, doesn’t necessarily have to be giving up drugs or alcohol or any other chemical stimulant, but also the addiction to our personality, our habits, our manias that We Already Know are Not Self Supportive, but keep on doing it just because ‘that’s all we know ourselves to be capable and able of being/ doing’/ ‘we don’t know anything better,’ which is the most common form of self mind-control that we have realized exists within each one of us: we fear giving up our self religion/ personality/ ego/ mind even if we are aware that it has never supported ourselves to actually Live.

 

I could write about how there is a definitive grounding experience that one is able to become and integrate as oneself when an actual dedication to this process, to get to know ourselves as our minds and living/applying the corrective process is self-directed in every moment – however I would mostly suggest you take this opportunity and suggestion to do this for yourself. The addictions/ cravings have mostly been reduced to physical movements that indicate a form of suppression that I am trying to ‘cope with’ and it becomes so in my face that pushing it aside only compounds it until I have to sit down and write the hell out of it.  So what I have also realized is how I obviously have used anything, any activity to not face the actual ‘problem’ which is mostly having to do with something wherein I am not directing myself effectively. One can only continue fooling oneself for so long, and once self honesty is being integrated as the main platform in which we decide to run ourselves on, it becomes quite unbearable to keep up with lies/ self deception, the shit eventually catches up on you – so to speak.

 

What is an addiction but a desire to live a lie, a temporary fix to escape the made-up self-belief of who we are as the mind, because I am here to say that the physical body is Not the one seeking to ‘get a high,’ it is only the mind that does and who we have become as an integral compound of the body and mind, the mind has run its course on the physical and this is why we are on so many drugs and self-destructive behaviors, because we are Not considering the physical body at all.

 

It is much easier to breathe and be here, stable and constant instead of continuing endless battles within ourselves toward the invisible forces that we have accepted as ‘who we are.’ I mean, we are talking about the addiction toward the mind, and how that is and will be the most ingrained addiction Every single human being has participated in, we cannot judge or claim that drug-addicts only exist in shooting up crack and heroin or smoking weed and taking prescription pills – the moment we accepted and allowed our well-being and stability to be defined through a positive experience, such as love, vitality, a sense of bliss, belonging and any other self-experience that we believe is ‘who we are,’ we agreed to separate ourselves from the constancy and consistency of who we are as the physical, breath, here, stable and give the wheel of our lives to the mind that runs on preprogrammed patterns of energy that will generate any form of mind-activity as a way to engage ourselves into thinking, feeling, becoming emotional and give our focus, attention to such mind-activity without realizing we are in such moments already feeding the addiction to the mind.

 

There is no need for the mind to do what should be actual vital functions as they currently exist in this world: breathing, eating, directing yourself in your regular responsibilities to make money to live in this world, relating yourself to all other living beings and dedicating oneself to become part of the examples that demonstrate that it IS possible to stop being directed by a mind that constantly seeks experiences and it IS possible to become a more stable, self directive, grounded, common sensical and in the process of becoming self honest human being. This is the most difficult task ever, I agree, because we have become so addicted to thinking, feeling, seeking for emotions, conflict, turmoil, defining everything we do and have become according to emotions and feelings to such an extent that we believe that: not participating in our mind is equal to being Dead/ Inert, lifeless – that’s a BIG misconception that must be debunked here if one is willing to walk this process wherein you will certainly not get any energetic churnings, on the contrary, I can say that such stability is we all have been seeking/ looking for and it only takes a sound and constant every moment decision to Not Give Into the constant ‘high’ that disables us from seeing who we have become in this constant seeking/ wanting/ needing/ desiring of who we have become as the mind.

 

I can remember when I was a child and I would get too much sugar with chocolates at times, and I would be like a rat in an enclosed space, literally walking around the kitchen table endless times and driving myself to believing that I was ‘going crazy’ when in fact it was me beginning to define such experiences as ‘who I am’ as this ‘uncontrollable rush’ induced through sugar in this case, and accept it as ‘normal’ because that’s what everybody else does, apparently.

Later on, I began participating in a constant self experience of anxiety, worry, concern, nervousness, inadequacy, feeling like I just want to ‘shut myself up’ due to the anxiety and exaltation that I copied/integrated from my environment – what did I seek for later on in life? Yes, getting out of myself and my mind, smoking weed is one single example as the outcome of that, without understanding that my ‘seeking’ for a way to relax has always been here as myself, breathing – no need for any drug to do that, and this is one key aspect in our society that runs on stress and self abuse.  According to what I wrote yesterday, we can see how stressful parents would imprint this same stress on their children, which is why later on children would seek drugs to generate the sense of ‘stress control’ and ‘impulse control’ which is what I can spot was my case, since I accepted and allowed myself to adopt a nervous/ anxious/ stressful manner of being, linked to patterns of desiring to be in absolute control and perfectionism adopted from parental patterns, which is also what we are understanding in relation to the influence of parents on children on the first seven years of age – I specifically recommend listening to Reptilians – The Reptilian’s Master Mind behind Memory Control (Part 1) – Part 117 to get a clear perspective on this.

 

Now there are multiple factors that lead to addictions and I’ll continue to walk them in order for us to be able to see and spot where and how we are accepting and allowing ourselves to be influenced/ directed by such factors without giving it a proper self-aware direction to ensure we are not continuing a point of abuse. Again, this is not only in relation to drugs, drugs are only the externalization and most common way to live out this constant desire to get a ‘fix’ – but we can become addicted to anything or anyone and that includes our own thoughts, without having ever been aware of WHAT is it that Powers such thoughts, which is what must be broadly understood and known: it is the physical substance, the tissue/ the fabric of the physical body that which powers up the mind, and that is the basic form of self-abuse that all of us human beings are subject to, and this is why it is so important to become aware of these ‘forces’ in order to become self directive as them, because they are who we have become, we gave them lodging and constant nurturing, the mind is our creation and who we have become as such creation can also be remodeled/ re-sculpted by ourselves and the extent of such remodeling depends on our dedication to actually will ourselves to live without the mind as our boss and decision-maker and instead install ourselves as the directive principle that considers what’s best for ourselves as all and live the principle of life in Equality.

 

The tools that I am assisting and supporting myself with are walked within the Desteni I Process , the Desteni Material, all the blogs and vlogs that all of us walking this process share at our current Journey to Life self-writing process, the Desteni Forum where interaction takes place with regards to How to walk this process or particular points one is working with in our writings, there’s also all the various groups at Facebook such as Capitalism vs. Equal Money wherein we get to know how it is that his humind-nature is affecting our reality at a world-system level and as such, become aware of our responsibility we hold individually to ensure that we all become aware of what we are collectively generating due to deciding to only ‘live’ through the mind, instead of practically considering the actual corrective processes and solutions that must be implemented and walked within the consideration of ourselves being the creators of the mess we try and ‘escape from’ through drugs/ habits/ and any other mind-experience – see the conundrum?

This is the actual mind control that we all exist as and we are here to ensure that humanity is aware of the practical self-applicable solutions that we are being the proof of, Do work when one commits oneself to no longer feed the mind but begin learning how to honor ourselves as physical living beings.  It is the most important process you’ll ever commit yourself to, it is the self-relationship that we have never established and it is here, the moment where we have all the support necessary to do so, to walk this process and ensure that no form of self abuse remains standing in this world.

Study the principles of Self-Creation and Self-Equality and Oneness within every single investigation published at Eqafe, as well as the blogs that are daily published here such as Creation’s Journey to Life, Heaven’s Journey to Life and an Economist’s Journey to Life.

 

“Actual Prosperity is where Every Living Being in this World Prosper and Live to their Full Potential. Full Potential Being: Living in an Environment that Support All Life Equally, that Ensures Happiness, that Prevents Fear and Addiction to the Mind, that Ensures that Each Child Born Understand EXACTLY where every Thought come from so that they can Prevent Mind Control and Abuse from all kinds of Faith-based Ideologies – whether it be Religious, Political, Educational, Psychological, Economical. Whenever Faith Exist: the Ideology will Promote Ideals of Inequality, because – What’s Best for All do Not Exist in Faith, it Exist as the Action each one Must Take to Ensure that there is Never Anything Unknown that could Cause harm to Another and All basic Essentials must be Available as a basic Human Right.
The Very Moment you have Basic Essentials and Claim that Others can’t have it, because it is the Will of some ‘Greater Power’ – you are
Abusing your Greater Power which is based in Money, Wealth and Greed.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

This will continue

 

Blogs:

 

 

Interviews:


266. The Secret behind Addictions

When a problem is not addressed at its root cause, for the human it is the mind for instance in how it functions thought by thought, solutions for human society will not be possible” – Bernard Poolman

 

I watched the discussion/ talk called Brain Development & Addiction with Gabor Mate in order to understand addiction at a chemical level. We are aware the we always seek to ‘feel good’ and this is one aspect that is currently understood in relation to this constant feel-good experiences that are generated by chemical compounds such as opiates and dopamine that are part of the brain circuits wherein impulse control and stress control are also a part of. These basic categorization is what leads us to address the infamous ‘chemical imbalances’ wherein only through these chemical compounds obtained through an induced manner – either through drugs or energetic associations to people/ places/ environments – one is able to experience as sense of fulfillment and enjoyment.

Opiates, according to Dr. Gabor Mate create the experiences of love, connection, reward, pain relief.  Dopamine creates the experience of incentive, motivation, vitality, curiosity and as sense of ‘being alive.’  Thus it is definitely so that these are energetic-experience requirements that are beyond being only brain-sent requirements, there is a much deeper explanation to all of this and it is through understanding how the Quantum Mind operates that we are able to finally understand why we are never in fact ‘stable’ even if we have all the support of the world to live in dignity, because we find rich people also being hooked on drugs and alcohol or any other type of activity that creates a temporary rush. Sure, people living in poverty also use drugs to mitigate hunger and evade a reality that is not ensuring that they get equal support just as anyone else that was born in a family of wealth and social benefits, however we have realized that it is not only money the point that defines the well being of the individual, but also the care and basic forms of parenting that must be understood in order to see from where does this inherent desire to seek for ‘more’ come from.

 

The understanding of how these experiences are created go beyond any current understanding promoted by contemporary science and the reason why is because the mind is not a physical system, but an interdimensional system that is out of sigh for us human beings. This implies the following point: We have become in essence subject to our own mind to use it as a tool to ‘get to know ourselves,’ which is limited to the possibility of only see the consequential outflow as chemicals such as opiates, dopamine, endorphins and any other chemical that are the result of processes that take place beyond any spectrum and understanding of our conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind, but exist within the domain of the Quantum Mind and Quantum Physical.

 

The mind’s relationship to the physical body is not yet a basic understanding that should exist as the foundation of any psychological problematic that we are only attributing to chemical imbalances and treat with drugs that do Not solve the problem, but involve the consumption of chemicals that will artificially sustain this well-being experience through drugs/ medication toward which the ‘patient’ eventually becomes addicted to. And not only the people that take drugs in legal/ illegal manners are drug addicts: we are all essentially on the same boat. We just get our fix through thinking, becoming emotional, thinking positive and all the best feelings in the world, through activities that we have attached to an experience of vitality, liveliness, feeling good, being on ‘top of the world,’ which includes virtually anything that we use to get ourselves to a constant High in the mind – yes, the mind – but, where’s the Physical then?

 

That is precisely the point to walk here: how through the definition of our well being according to who we are as the mind as these temporary fixes of ‘love, connection, happiness, reward, motivation, vitality’ turned to an energetic fix of ‘being alive’ we have neglected in fact how such self-induced experiences operate at a quantum mind level which means, beyond any form of current mind-awareness that we could gather from self-investigation with our own pair of eyes. Yes, we are talking about interdimensional support and assistance through the Portal at Desteni through which the most advanced mind-technology investigation is being presented in all the current series that are finally allowing us to understand our entire relationship of who we are as the mind toward our physical reality. Quantum Mind Self Awareness Series as well as Quantum Systemization are key points of study for anyone that is willing to go beyond ‘chemical imbalances’ to understand the constant necessary feel-good experiences at a mind level, while neglecting how the mind uses/ consumes the physical body/ flesh/ tissue in order to generate such ‘feel good’ experiences, because the quantum mind as a system of energy will use any form of thought process to associate to an either positive or negative experience to cause friction and conflict which is what generates enough ripple effects that the mind is able to generate within the physical tissue/ flesh of the physical human body in order to ‘power up’ these thoughts, feelings and emotions that we believe is ‘who we are’ and we end up building our entire lives and make decisions according to these basic energetic experiences that we blindly follow as ‘who we are.’

To read more about this, I suggest reading the past entries that explain from various angles this basic mechanism of how the mind operates within the physical body and why following a ‘feel good’ mentality is causing us the current depletion and neglect of the physical world in the name of our personal stability At a Mind-Level.

 

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

An actual Sound and Stable Solution that we are able to propitiate/ give to ourselves by the mere fact of being a living-breathing being, is through equal and one self support in a global social, economical and political system that ensures we all get equal support to live in the best conditions possible and sustainable in this world. For that, the entire system must be changed, because our system is the result of having sought for these never-quenching experiences of ‘having more’ / being happy/ obtaining power through money that has become our own demise as we realize it is unsustainable to continue giving all our ‘power’ to sustain a system of abuse – and this same system is the one that runs in an exact and equal manner within ourselves as the constant strive for ‘feeling good’ that we create at a mind level, then seeking to satisfy ourselves in any way we can, even if that implies abusing ourselves, which is how it has worked thus far.

 

Thus, the experiences that we can all define would be best for all as these ‘brain circuits’ that Dr. Gabor Mate describes can be and become a living-physical expression if we decide to implement a system that can ensure that all kids are born in families where every individual will be qualified to give birth to another life/ child, ensuring everyone has equal support through money that ensures health care, proper nutrition and infrastructure – shelter, food, sanitation, water, clothing – as well as parental education is in place to create a suitable environment for children to be born into this world – and I quote Economist’s Journey to Life here: Equal Money Capitalism – Preparing the Road for Change:

“CHILDREN

When a child is born, the parents’ company/companies will allocate an equal profit share for the child – which will be added to the parent’s profit share. Every parent will have a company – because everyone will be employed.”
http://economistjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-164-equal-money-capitalism.html

 

“The government only represent the same controls we allow within the mind and is thus an externalization of the inner world of the people. That is why Government acts in ways that are seemingly strange, yet it is what the people actually want to remain in the inner world of self deception and self interest. This will be a most difficult journey to change our world to what is best for all–which must include Government as some level of universal management is required to have some freedom for all. The problem is not addressed at the mind level where it exist as each one attempts to protect their mind, thoughts and feelings as if it is sacred, without understanding how it is created” – Bernard Poolman 

 

This single basic certainty of self support ensures that parents have No worries, No stress to give birth to a child, this ensures that people will be able to spend quality time with their babies in a world wherein everyone will be equally stable and confident, since everyone will have all that is required to live. This creates a sense of well being within the progenitors that will define the stability and condition of the new baby in order to grow in a sound and self-supportive environment, immediately becoming used to living as a physical being that is whole, here, complete instead of a baby that picks up the current worry, concern and stress that people have due to debt, lack of money/ resources, lack of education of how to take care of a newborn, having relationship problems, addictions, manias and a total ‘flawed nature’ that is the reflection of who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be in the mind, which is creating what this entire world currently Is and exists as. This is in conjunction to what Dr. Mate explains as the negative effects that lacking an ‘available, non stressed nurturing emotionally available parenting care giver’ creates as potential addicts that seek to activate these basic experiences of completion through chemically induced experiences, while they could have been developed as a natural physical experience that is not constantly sought as an Energetic experience, but are simply not sought since the same stability that equal support provides will ensure who we are as the mind is no longer seeking for this never ending desire for ‘more.’ We are all addicts, we have said that before – so we rather stop condemning  ourselves, take responsibility and create solutions at a world-system level, not through medications or street drugs that lead to harm and self abuse.

 

So, if we only allow sound stable parents to have children, all the ‘future of the world’ will ensure to continue this living stability as they know nothing else but that: stability, cooperation, care, support, consideration, empathy, compassion, all of which ensures that life is then actually lived and not survived in this world, and this is what common sense is all about: implementing what’s Best for All through preventing addictions and mind-fixes that lead to self destruction.

 

Through this unconditional support, love, connection, reward, incentives, motivation, vitality, curiosity, a sense of being alive and ways to cope with stress won’t exist as some chemical sought in drugs, people, places, activities that we associate positive experiences to in our minds, but we will rather understand how Not to participate in a mind that will constantly seek for a ‘fix’ to continue its survival as a parasitical system within ourselves that we have been mostly unaware of in terms of how it functions, we have only seen the consequences but Never understood the mechanisms and that is why and how Desteni and all the interview series at Eqafe are of vital study for any human being that is willing to finally discover the ‘missing pieces of the puzzle’ in terms of addictions and any other psychological and reality-functioning aspect that has never quite ‘fit’ in all the vast theories and studies proposed by our most laureate scientists, because no one until now had been able to see the exact mechanisms and functions of the Quantum Mind in the physical body interdimensionally.

 

This is ground breaking information that Must be studied in order to take responsibility for our own addictions, to understand the problem is to get half of the solution in place, the second half is implementing it and that begins with and within ourselves through walking a process of Self Support in order to stand equal and one to the mind that we have defined as ‘the problem,’ simply because of not understanding who we really are and what we are in relation to the mind, how the mind operates interdimensionally upon the physical body and what we can do to practically stop such self-abuse and support ourselves to become living beings:

 

Equal Money System – The economic, political and social revolution that will ensure all living beings are born in a self-supportive environment where no more lack of money, care and stress result in needy human beings seeking for a fulfillment through addictive chemical substances – we instead Prevent the problem through presenting the cure and solution: Living Life As the Physical Body and Stopping Participation in the Mind as who we are – but for that, a Process is walked:

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process – Basic steps to get to know yourself as your mind

Desteni Forum To read all the self support through various processes of self correction in relation to the mind

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews/ Basic Self Education about the mind, the physical body and world system:


263. The Remedy to Stop Addictions

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that the thoughts of me being inherently flawed and incomplete and unfulfilled is in fact who I really am, and within this, seeking for a remedy and solution outside of myself through drugs, spirituality, money, sex, entertainment, sports, media and everything that I have participated in in order to not have to investigate How I have created such self-experience through my own participation in my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to find it difficult to wake up every morning and start a new day, because I have allowed myself to Think as the memory that I have been and become, instead of breathing and being as unconditional as the physical body that I am that does not take a moment to ‘think’ about its existence, but is unconditional in self movement – I realize that I have allowed myself to be tormented by my own self-belief of there being something ‘wrong’ with me and starting thinking that this life is ‘not worth living/ I am not worth living’ and within such thinking processes, I lead myself to seek for a quick fix that will alleviate this inherent self-loathing, self deprecation that leads to self destruction that is sought through anything that can give me a sense of pleasure and enjoyment, even if it is for a moment – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resort to drugs and any other activity that I have turned into a habit as a way to avoid seeing myself as my own mind, which is the actual origin of this instability and dissatisfaction that I experience myself as and that I try to escape from, without realizing that I cannot escape from myself through using drugs or any other means to avoid looking at my self responsibility within creating such self-loathing thinking, and instead I see that I must investigate my own thinking, my own feelings and emotions as the origin and source of this dread that I experience as ‘my life.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give my attention, my focus and produce energy to all thoughts linked to a dissatisfaction with life, believing that I can’t go on anymore/ this is just too much/ what’s the point in living? – and within these thoughts allowed myself to go seeking for a way out through drugs, spirituality, sex, consumerism and anything that I have linked to a positive experience in life, without realizing that such habits are only ways to further separate myself from looking at myself as the origin and cause of such instability at a mind level.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to really look within myself how is it that I can change my way of being from one moment to another based on the stimuli that I get from the outside world, and within this, not realizing that if I can change myself in one single moment to experience myself in either a positive or a negative experience, this must mean that these aberrant thoughts of self-deprecation and unfulfillment are equally stoppable and preventable, as I realize that it is only through my own participation that I have given attention to become them, embody such instability through fueling such thoughts as who I am, instead of for a moment breathing and stopping to see What am I actually giving my attention to? What am I actually feeding here? Is this really who I want to direct myself to be thinking as? And within this, assist and support me to stand outside the usual self-deprecation that I have experienced as ‘my life’ and ‘who I am,’ which I understand is able to be stopped, self forgiven and corrected as I realize that who I am as a physical being does not exist as self-destructive thoughts, but it is only me as the mind as who I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become that I have given my breaths away to these experiences, without having any idea of how my mind operates in my physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think about my experience at a mind level through thoughts, emotions and feelings, instead of using my mind to instead place my attention and focus on the physical reality that I embody as  my physical body, and within this observe the common sense of what unconditional living is: unconditional movement to function properly as a living-system that maintains the actual life that we are as living beings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to instead of looking back at my own thoughts and understand ‘who I am’ and have become through understanding my thoughts and creating a point of self-correction as my mind/ as my thoughts, I have tried to quiet my mind/ stop thinking through using drugs, sex, alcohol, media, books, entertainment, friends, any and all things and people that I have in fact used and abused in order to ‘get lost’ within myself, without realizing that in this condition, I am not only abusing others but myself as my physical body because I had not seen, realized and understood how it is that the mind can only function through consuming the physical substance of our physical body, which means that every time that we think, become emotional or participate in positive feelings, I am in fact not living but only fueling a system within and as myself as the mind that I have not yet aligned myself to in order to be the directive principle of what I decide to participate in, realizing that the actual expression of myself has never existed and that all that I have been is a mind consciousness system of patterns that I have believed is ‘who I am’ and are immovable, unchangeable – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within these thoughts of giving up my ability to change, I have resorted to mitigate the problem and try and hide from my own mind through using drugs, alcohol, sex, any form of entertainment that instead of it being a self directive decision to entertain myself, experience sex and a genuine self-expression as a physical being in this world, I have made of everything just a drug that I can hook myself to in order to ‘cope with reality,’ instead of realizing how coping with reality is a sign of me not looking at myself as the origin and cause of such problem and distress in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see, realize and understand that within this inherent instability as the mind, we have equally created a world that is equally unstable due to us never having had the considering toward Life as who we are – and in this, becoming actual zombies that accept things ‘as they are’ without  a question, seeking for a meaning and purpose in life outside of yourself, instead of actually understanding the responsibility that we hold toward ourselves as our physical body, our mind, every single thought, every single emotion, every single feeling – there is nothing and no one to blame for how this world has turned out to be this way, it is our collective participation and within that,

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to blame the ‘state of the world’ as it being ‘fucked up’ and use this excuse to numb myself from myself and separate myself from being self-aware through using drugs, medication, sex, alcohol, entertainment and my own mind of imagination, feelings, emotions that I have believed is in fact who I am – without realizing that in this attempt to ‘escape’ from this ‘fucked up world,’ I am becoming an equal co-creator of ubiquitous negligence that we have participated in within our reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to seek for a meaning to life through using relationships, drugs, entertainment and my own mind to separate myself from the reality that I have inf act allowed myself to participate in without being aware of what my relationship to everyone and everything in fact is, and how with me wanting to ‘escape from reality’ and take drugs to solve the problem, I am in fact only adding up to the social problem we’re living in, wherein life has never been lived but only abused and as such, I realize that through my self-abuse I never contributed to any living expression thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to complain about reality, complain about the system, complain about nothing in this world working outside of myself, but never pondering how it is that I am contributing through my own thoughts and emotions for it to not work work/ function properly, which is the key factor that I realize will enable me to realize one thing: If I am in fact willing to assist and support myself and stand as a sound being that can take my life in my hands and will myself to live, I can in fact do so, I can dedicate my life to get to know me, how I created this flawed self experience and such, take my life on my hands and walk a process of self-correction through Self-Forgiveness, Self Honesty, Self Corrective Application wherein I can in fact become a self-responsible being that stops seeking for a remedy, a solution, a way Out of myself, as I see and realize that using drugs or any other means of escaping from myself only aggravates my self-experience and can lead to an inevitable premature death – because death is certain anyways for all beings – however, I would have to ask myself: am I ready to die and have the certainty that I have done everything that is available in my reality to support myself?

 

I realize that nothing and no one will change me, nothing and no one will provide a solution other than the one that I direct myself to live – and this is how through my own words, through the very same tools I have used to define myself as thoughts, feelings and emotions, I can become a self directive being that understands how it s that I am perfectly able to stop participation in all thoughts that I see are not self supportive, stop participation in all emotions that I realize lead me nowhere but further down the rabbit hole and also stop seeking the opposite positive experience, as I realize that happiness is a mental place that is not sustainable as a living-actuality of who I am as the physical body.

 

I realize that self-stability is able to be lived as a will and decision to support myself to be and become this physical stability, equal to the one we are breathing in every single moment that we are here on this Earth. It will take time – yes – but the decision is able to be made and lived in every momenta s a constant decision of who I will myself to be.

 

I realize that  I have spent a lot of time entertaining myself with my thoughts that I got lost within it all and as such, I have to deliberately direct myself to stop any craving for a positive experience or negative experience that I have become so used to in my mind, take my life on my hands, and begin footing myself as breath in every moment, writing myself out to see who I am in one day as my mind , as I realize that every solution I thought was  adequate to myself as my mind has only become more consequential without an actual solution but further dependencies on people, places, drugs, substances in order to get a temporary high, which is unsustainable and will only lead me to self destruction.

 

I realize that I don’t require to buy, consume or seek for remedies outside of myself, nor do I requite to seek for a meaning or purpose to life outside of myself as an energetic experience, but that I am already here, complete and whole as myself and that any perceived problem is only existent at the level of my own mind that is in fact the nature that I have accepted and allowed myself to become and proven to be consequential and conflictive to myself, it does not support myself as life nor does it support any other living being –

 

I commit myself to live the realization that it is common sense to assist and support myself to decide to walk a process to support myself to Live and as such, to become a living example of what it is possible to be and become when existing as breathing, living earthlings that start looking outside of our tunnel vision of self deprecation and start considering the life that we have blinded ourselves from through our own participation in the mind, instead of being here as the physical. 

 

I commit myself to develop self worth, self respect and integrity as a human being that is no longer willing to support any form of self abuse which is stopping participation in all thoughts, feelings and emotions that we have become as our mind, and in fact be willing to give myself another opportunity to live and become the expression of life that I always wanted to be and become, which I realize can only be real if every single being is equally supported to live in dignity and care for one another.

 

I realize that the physical support I am able to give to myself is existent here as myself, as the physical body that I commit myself to feed properly, to exercise, to breathe and become aware of every breath which is a constant self-directive attention that I commit to give to myself, as I have seen, realized and understood how it is in fact possible to stop the parasitical ego from becoming an unfulfilled leech that I am always feeding through my participation in thoughts, emotions and feelings that I am in fact able to stop.

 

I commit myself to establish the Equal Money System as the political and economical system that will ensure that no more beings seek a way out of the world, our minds, our own self-experience because of not having a proper education, living support as food, water, shelter, comfort and a living right to express and enjoy what is here within the basic foundation of supporting ourselves as equals/ in equality, to live, to be self directive and honor ourselves as the life that we have embodied  and never again neglect life as we have done thus far.

 

“There is One Way Out, which is Death. Or there is Another Way out, which is Self Forgiveness and Self Honesty. One of the Two are your Future.

The One Allows you the Gift of Life, as Part of this Physical World. The Other means: you have to Start All Over again, because you didn’t have Enough Integrity and Willpower to Care about Life, and your Self-Interest Won the Day.
WHO will you Be? Your Imagination? Or Real?
You Decide…for as long as you can. But, the Line is Drawn. And, if you Fail at this – you Will be withdrawn from Earth.” –Bernard Poolman 

 

Choose Life

Further support:

 

 

Can you bleed like me

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews:


258. Spiting The System with Drugs

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to accept drugs as a form to overcome the dullness, the dissatisfaction and boredom that is experienced at a mind level when living in a society/ world system wherein ‘there is not much to do’ other than surviving through schooling/ jobs, having relationships and no aspiration to continue supporting such an enslaving system that is binding everyone to an endless payroll, and through drugs/ alcohol seeking a temporary ‘escape’ from the reality of suffering and abuse, without realizing that within indulging in drugs and any other harmful substance ingestion, one is contributing to perpetuate the same system of Self-Abuse that one tries to ‘overcome’ through taking drugs/ alcohol and sex – within this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to actually see why drugs and alcohol have not been absolutely banned/ controlled from our reality, because it is the only way that ‘the slaves are happy’ – the slaves being us/ everyone living in this world system and having only the ‘right to life’ if having money in the pocket.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see why drugs – even in conditions of poverty and scarcity – are still an elitist resource to neglect one’s world and reality while existing as a justification and excuse of ‘the system is ignoring me/ I want to escape from this world,’ wherein a victimization is used as a form to retaliate against ‘the system,’ without realizing that the system is ourselves, and the more we retaliate and try and antagonize the system, we only feed the necessary polarity to cause further friction and conflict that generates further measures of control which leads to more extreme ways of drugs/ alcohol/ weapon trafficking as well as every other activity that goes hand in hand within this drug culture such as robbing, prostitution, gang formation, rapes, domestic violence, poverty, health problems, familial disruption and the list goes on.

 

I realize that the crisis that the ‘drug world’ is stemming from this initial belief of drugs being an ‘alternative’ to this reality as a ‘salvation’ from a physical nightmare, not realizing that such salvation/ little piece of heaven is actually the first step to get hooked on an addiction that will have to be maintained through using money, the same money that keeps this entire system in place which means that no drug consumption can be a way to ‘escape the system,’ since the very money – or any other activity done to ‘pay’ for the drugs – is directly existent within the rules in which our current capitalist system works – thus

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how there is virtually no escape from our reality through buying/ consuming something that may alter our mind-reality for a moment, as this is equally supporting a business that is illegal, does not contribute to any form of collective benefit – such as taxes – it does not declare any legal profit as any other corporation that might be also antagonized by the ‘rebels’ in society that take drugs/ alcohol, which means that through enrolling in drug consumption/ drug smuggling one is being part of the machinery that is still accepted and allowed as an illegal business that actually runs more money than is often declared by major corporations around the world, which in itself points out how hypocritical it is to be a drug-consumer and dare to criticize the system and even use it as an excuse to consume drugs – without ever considering being part of a solution to create an actual well being that we are all aware is possible to create/ establish in this world – but instead, opt through the apparent ‘easy way out’ that leads to – most of the times – life-long addictions where money is required to keep up with one’s addiction, third parties are eventually harmed through one’s addiction, any form of stability in the system is lost and one’s money only contributes to the drug-trafficking business, which is one of the greatest sources of illicit enrichment in our society.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how it is through drug consumption that one inhibits oneself from being fully Here as an active participant in society that instead directs oneself to be part of a solution to everything that one wanted to escape from through using drugs/ sex/ alcohol as a way to ‘cope’ with reality. I realize that all the money, time, energy wasted to keep an alternate reality can instead be directed toward a point of self responsibility wherein one instead uses such money, time and effort to investigate how we are all equally responsible for how the system works, how it is actually greedy and selfish as the ultimate self interest to believe one ‘does no harm’ while using drugs – even if you are alone in your house – since drugs are the perfect slave-keepers that disable any ability to stand up within common sense to see How we can instead create solutions, and stop running away from the consequences we have created as humanity as this world system.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how all complains about the system’s control, disparity, violent measures of implementing justice that leads to injustice, favoritism, corruption and any form of abuse, is used as a justification to decide to take drugs and ‘be apart’ from this world/ escape from reality and ‘flipping the finger’ to ‘the system/ government’ – without realizing the extent of suppression and actual evasion that takes place when one decides to instead of facing oneself and taking self responsibility, indulge into drugs/ alcohol and any other form of ‘escapism’ in order to ‘feel free’ and ‘superior’ than the system, without having the audacity to question why would ‘the system/ the government’ would still allow such forms of self-abuse as ‘acceptable’ in an underground manner, which should be the actual point to realize here: a massive business such as drugs cannot be left ‘untouched’ by the government/ elites that obviously know such business and drug-culture exists, but it is better for them to keep the masses/people with stupefacient drugs and remaining getting money to pay for them, than actually becoming aware of how the system works, why not everyone is supporting each other equally, why we have created a system based on abuse and such actually become a real awareness that is willing to change the way the system works – within this

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how ignorant is it to actually claim to be ‘spiting the system’ through taking drugs/ alcohol or any other ‘illegal activity’ without realizing that nothing is able to be ‘spiting the system’ as long as profit is made, as long as someone benefits from a drug business  -thus it is to realize how naïve is to consider oneself as a drug consumer as someone that is ‘out of the system’ or ‘more clever’ than the rest of the people that ‘do not consume drugs,’ without realizing how it is actually the other way around, wherein a drug consumer is hooked on paying money/ getting money for a temporary mind-energetic experience while believing there’s some form of ‘freedom’ in doing so, without looking at the obvious self-enslavement that is created within this drug-addict paradigm in which we exist as humanity, no matter ‘where’ in the world we are.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see the actual selfishness that exists within drug consumption, wherein one believes that one is ‘stepping out of the cogwheel’ in the system by using money to consume drugs, without being aware of how such money contributes to businesses that do not declare any form of profit in a legal manner, do not pay taxes and as such only create ‘clean’ integral amounts of money for the benefit of a few that have made the greatest businesses in their life out of human’s weakness for an energetic experience as a temporary high and numbing of one’s reality due to ‘problems’  – either internal or external – that are all generated at an individual level in each human being that has accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become our mind that is always seeking for an energetic experience to ‘feel alive.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the ways in which money moves and is created in this world, neglecting how banks benefit from the money that runs within illegal businesses of drug-trafficking and instead, decide to believe that ‘I am doing no harm with my own drug-consumption’ – without realizing that no act is ever isolated in a system wherein all parts are always affecting the whole through thought, word and deed.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that indulging in drugs was a way to become a ‘militant of the truth’ wherein the delusions created while being on drugs are beliefs of self being ‘superior’ or ‘more clever’ than the rest of the society that doesn’t indulge in drugs – without realizing how drugs as a business is the perfect way for a few to make a lot of money, since we have accepted and allowed ourselves to create a condition of addiction to the mind’s experience at a physical level through chemicals and substances that create a self-experience that we have defined as ‘more’ than ourselves – and in this, becoming actually tunnel-visioned zombies that care-less about the whole-reality of this world, how it works, how money operates, what are the solutions to this reality and instead, one reduces one’s world to only seeking moments to get high/ get drunk/ take any form of drug as a way to ‘cope with a reality’ that we are equally shaping through our neglect and irresponsibility of taking drugs/ alcohol as a ‘solution,’ which proves the level of ignorance we have all collectively shared and adopted as ‘who we are’ in order to avoid having to look at ourselves as the creators of the world we have tried to escape from through becoming drug addicts.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how such a perfect form of control is able to be implemented by those with specific interests to keep the ‘masses’ occupied in ‘getting high/ getting the next fix’ – as this narrows down any possibility of actual human awareness of the system of abuse and how we are all equally responsible for it – thus

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how it through the condition of myself accepted and allowed as a mind that enjoys certain experiences of emotions and feelings, that I become a potential drug-user which is not only in the form of our street-drugs/ illegal drugs, but legal drugs for psychological treatments and procedures to create an apparent ‘remedy’ to a condition that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to develop as ‘who we are’ the moment that we believed ourselves to only be our mind and equating life to an experience, missing out all potential to discover what life  really is when reducing it to a series of chemical reactions that must be constantly generated through drugs/ alcohol or any other substance that functions at a mind level, which implies that:

We are all equally responsible for the existence of drugs as a problem in our society, since drugs only function at a mind level and the moment we have all collectively agreed to create a system that only satisfies a few mind-systems seeking constant fulfillment/ pleasure through experiences of the mind we are all agreeing to ‘live’ only to experience these experiences at a mind level defined as ‘happiness,’ without investigating why and how we have to seek for such ‘highs’ and then drop into a low within the mind, and as such realize that the can be an actual physical and tangible way to prevent drug-addiction sin this world, and that is through implementing a world-system based in Equality, wherein our current capitalist system can be aligned toward a best for all outcome with equal-share of all the benefits that only a few get and as such, build the societies that we only ‘dreamed of’ and sought to escape to in our imagination, while missing the fact that we have what we require to do so, to live it out in reality and work together to implement such well being – and within this it is to also see and realize that

 

One will have to give up this self-experience of fulfillment and enjoyment at a mind level to actually focus on the matters at hand as the physical reality that we must all become aware of how it works i n terms of the actual social, political and economical system that has lead us to the current state of the world that one seeks to escape – and instead, direct such anger, frustration, boredom and resentment toward ‘the system’ toward a feasible and practical solution that can be implemented by political means wherein all common sensical living as what’s best for all, is always able to be identified by oneself.

 

It is thus to realize that there will be no need to ‘escape from reality’ if we all instead dedicate ourselves to create a world system that supports all beings equally as Life, creating an actual respect for oneself and each other to create a system wherein on one will have a need to ‘escape’ an actual heaven on Earth we can all agree to create through a democratic vote that each one has the power to exert within the  Equal Money System – it is about time we stop numbing and harming our being that is fully functional and that of others through promoting ways to ‘escape the system’ and instead, work together to make of it the system and reality that we have always wanted to live in but believed ourselves to be incapable of changing – that is no more.

 

No more Highs and, No More Lows.

 

 

 

Blogs:

 

Support yourself – Invest on Self Education at Eqafe and stop supporting any other drug of the mind that leads you further into the rabbit hole.


230. Opposing My Roots

Elitist Character: Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility– Opposing My Roots: It’s my family’s fault! Character – Writing.

Continuing with:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

If I look back at where did I get these emotional imprints from, it’s quite obvious that they stem from our parents and immediate family which is the environment where we shaped ourselves from the very first 7 years of our life, determining ‘who we would be’ for the rest of our lifetime. We are currently aware that no couple of parents are absolutely aware of all the intricacies and considerations that must be regarded when it comes to preparing themselves to have a child and then to also Know How to Educate a Child in order to ensure that this absolutely important process of bringing another life into this world is considered as the most important task any human being can embark themselves on in this life.

I got a very cool reality-check when listening to the Horse Interviews

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse

wherein I realized to what extent we don’t honor each other and the totality of what is here as ourselves, I can say it with words how it was a cold-shock to realize how we are seen by animals as the example of How NOT to do/ be/ become or bring “life” on Earth, and instead how we should learn from them. Hearing the entire explanation certainly made me reconsider everything I had secretly loathed – well, most like openly loathed – about bringing children into this world and essentially, giving birth to new beings.

 

In terms of the development of our emotions and feelings, it’s common to always try and ‘make the baby happy’ and imprinting the reward system with concealments like giving milk to the child so that he can ‘shut up’ – I know I would do that and get it right every time. I learned how to get people’s attention through throwing a tantrum until I was old enough to realize that I was not going to get anywhere if I would continue, and so I stopped. But there were aspects that were ‘normal’ at home with which I grew up with and never investigated why they were so ingrained. I blamed my own ‘apprehension’ at school or the pressure I would have from peers or anything else, but as far as I remember I was quite angry as a child, always desperate, nervous, fearful, irritable and easily annoyed.

 

Throughout this process I’ve worked with aligning and correcting the patterns to get myself to a point of stability wherein I am certainly more ‘Here’ than creating this constant nervousness or apprehension/ worry/ stress that would lead to anxiety.

 

I can see, however, that I had definitive influences from parental figures in terms of adopting ways to deal with situations like: being impatient, angry, yelling out when things would not work, and get even more irritated when someone tried to ‘calm me down’ as I’ve explained in some previous blogs. This single acceptance of me as an ‘angry person’ and a general irateness became part of ‘who I am’ in such a way that it became unnoticeable to me, I truly believed that one had to just go up in flames every time something was not done the right way/my way, or that I could place order and control through exerting anger upon others = instilling fear within them so that I could have a sense of security and confidence over others. This included intimidating my own parents later on and as I’ve explained, I have memories of being 3 years old and already becoming seriously angry-possessed. I of course don’t blame my parents because I am aware of how I simply acquired this way of being, adopted it as ‘who I am’ and became it without a question, I learned how to ‘make others feel bad’ for myself and the moment I would see they would go into this ‘helplessness’ with/ toward me when being in such irate states, I would put even more effort within my own anger-possessions, which is where the entire point of ‘you are crazy’ came up and developed this entire spitefulness mode within me toward… well virtually anything or anyone that would be ‘against’ my way of being/ looking at things or trying to ‘impose’ me anything- yes, authority issues if you call it that.

 

I am aware that my mother would speak with me about these situations, but I just didn’t want to hear because the energy experience was more overwhelming than any form of common sense, and I would only shut up when I was too tired/ drained from throwing tantrums. Now, these points were not that often but, when I would get angry, it was quite hectic.

 

I also remember looking at other kids in the supermarket, crying and throwing a tantrum toward their parents so that the parents would buy them toys, and I would feel as if I was ‘over that,’ already comparing myself to others and basing the ‘who I am’ in relation to other kids, but I would do the same, probably not about getting  a toy or something like that, sometimes I would throw a tantrum just to not have to go and play with other kids. Hence the whole thing of ‘you are not normal!’ (Read:  111. ‘Why aren’t you normal?‘)

and yes, if you hear the Short Fuse Temper interview, you’ll get my life presented in an interview – with some differences but essentially the mechanism is there Life Review – Short Fused Temper Tantrums « EQAFE

 

Now, the memory that comes to mind is my mother calling my father several names indicating he had some type of anger management problems.  Of course I didn’t know what a mental disorder was nor what the words Actually meant, but just hearing her calling him that became an imprint that I was absolutely unaware of I had picked it up at some quantum level, and the words I remember her saying were ‘neurotic’ and ‘hysteric.’ This is an indication of how we actually speak without any form of awareness of how these emotional outbursts could be elevated to a range of ‘mental disorder’ in a soft-blow manner. It’s been actually absolutely cool to walk a mind construct in relation to my father which I partially shared in this blog, and got to know a lot about myself from that, even shared with him about my anger issues discoveries and solutions.

 

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But, going back to the words  I would hear as neurotic, hysteric and others  indicated that there was a problem. I got to be quite aware of diseases from an early age as well as having a grand mother that was sick thought my entire lifetime for various reasons of her tormented life – which I have realized I kind of picked up in relation to this ‘depression’ and self-belittlement as well as the way she lead her life of isolation but at the same time existing in this cry-out for help. Lol, she irritated me a lot, I would irritate her just because I could. I have this memory of going to her house and just being ‘in the mood’ of irritating her and so, she was quite a ‘mess’ in her room and she would always have this entire box with medicines in it, she was always on medication – of which I remember also making fun of  all the meds she’d take as well – and I saw that it all was quite messy and what I did was: grabbed the box and ordered all her pills and medicine containers in what was a ‘perfect manner’ according to me. I wanted to ‘do good’ but at the same time I knew it would somehow piss her off, so, it did. She got quite pissed off and Marlen went into the mode of ‘I will never do anything good for her ever again!’ and so our relationship went on within that vein.

 

I always tried to ‘play funny’ with her because she was always in this irritable state. Hence my dislike for her was mostly a fear of becoming like her and I can see how till this day every time that I want things to get done As I Say, When I Say it is an indication of me playing out my grandmother and as such my mother and somehow my father as well. She was the type of person that played strong to raise her children while my grand father had several other children with other wives, so the entire victimization character and helplessness was coming form there as well as many other points like how to get people’s attention through being sick/ causing conflict in order to have power over others and so forth.

We developed this half-joking way of pissing each other off when we would meet. She would laugh and I would laugh but I can only have some few memories of us having any real conversations, which would mostly be about her memories/ her life/ getting to know her a bit, and that’s the end of our relationship. She died when I wasn’t in this country. I never bothered to go see her grave or anything like that and I see that when I bring her up there’s still some scorn toward her for whatever reasons I have secretly blamed her for, such as causing much distress in my mother, which I then saw as the reason why my other would be possessed and then take it out on us in one way or another. All these constant worrying, being infatuated with things, obsessed, hypochondriac, fearful became aspects that I have played out as well and can identify I would judge of her all the time.

 

Obviously, this is nothing personal since we are all aware we have become our minds through acceptance and allowance and that my point of responsibility is ensure I hold no grudge, idea or belief of ‘them’ doing something ‘onto me,’ but more like Me realizing, seeing and understanding how I accepted and allowed myself to imprint, copy and transfer their personas into myself and play it out, believing this was ‘who I was.’ This became also every clear when I developed an antagonism toward her or any other family member: they are able to show me where I have separated myself from ‘my roots’ through playing the opposite but, in the end, never taken responsibility for it.

 

Another point is that I never went to a psychologist except for one time when I ‘asked for help for my friend’ with my high school’s psychologist and all I can take from her is one vital point. She said ‘who is here asking for help: You or Him?’ – and so it burned my ego out for a moment to realize that I was in fact needing help, but I had refused to do so because of fearing having some form of actual problem, I feared obviously having to be seriously taken as mentally disturbed or having some problem. I don’t know how much I fooled myself within this but, to my eyes even at that time, we all were playing phony characters while inside, when being alone, we all felt equally sad, disgraceful, powerless, ugly, hating ourselves for whatever reason but everyone would just play dumb and happy to create a masquerade, and as much as I would be aware of this, I played along as well pretty much out of fear of having to open myself up to anyone about my experience. That’s one of the reasons I begun writing a lot but, without any form of common sense and actual self support, I would only go round in circles pouring out my emotions and feelings in several notebooks without reaching any form of change, because I was STILL believing myself to be IT.

 

This is how due to the extent that I would hear about people going on medications and having ‘mental disorders’ I simply feared getting that but at the same time made it my personal way of being wherein I would entertain myself with these ‘outrageous thoughts’ and way of looking at life which was also a mechanism to cope with everything that I had deemed as frightening to get to. Which includes fearing eventually going senile and insane and all of the illnesses that would indicate some form of mental disorder. I guess we all have that for that matter when thinking about old age and deterioration of our sanity. So, what’s the way to make peace with it? Turn the fear into a fascination, turn the fear into something  you can have some ‘control over’ apparently – hence my story. I never took a single pill for any form of mental disorder since that was absolutely seen as taking regular drugs by my family. But I never reached out for any form of support to understand my experiences other than equally ‘lost’ friends with whom I created bonds that lead me to only upgrade my self-beliefs. This was so until I got to Desteni.

 

So, this proves how also due to knowledge and information and fear of having to be labeled as depressed or having some form of chronic anxiety (read your Wikipedia it’s the new way of calling ‘neurosis’  “Instead, the disorders once classified as neuroses are now considered anxiety disorders”)

 

I am here walking this process to take responsibility for All the knowledge and information that I imprinted as ‘who I am’ based on environmental/ familial/ peer influence of which we are all affected by even if we ‘like it or not.’ This is one of the reasons why it must be understood that: unless we care for each other as equals and ensure a general Well Being and ‘Mental Health’  in society,  our current social-insanity will still seep through our educational systems, our entire system configuration that is based on a constant process of instilling FEAR instead of ways and support to Live. Hence it is virtually impossible for any person to be absolutely ‘sane’ and ‘normal’ in this  world wherein the very mechanism of how the mind worked was not at all in accordance to living life, but exists as the very Evil / Reverse of Life that we all accepted and allowed ourselves to become. And obviously to make a business out of it is a double mindfuck to say the least.

 

Long story, but will work with it bit by bit as quite a ‘few’ points came up today. How did I get to this? Word in the dictionary: kinsfolk – and so, got to see the points I had deliberately side viewed from my past until now.

 

Within this all we can see how we made a ‘big deal’ out of these emotional experiences in our mind, self created at all times. Equated them to points I had to try and ‘sort out myself’ without knowing I was reinforcing them, instead of ever realizing it was me and my mind participation that can be self corrected. We’ve essentially made a disease of a relationship that was already in no way ‘harmonious’ such as what the mind represents in relationship to the physical body.

And all of this is certainly something to take Self Responsibility for.

— This will continue  with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application on the afore mentioned points

 

 

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Blogs:

DeBA(I)Ting Life (Part 2): DAY 230

Day 230: The White Light and the Legion of Angels – ADC – Part 77

 

Interviews:


229. Not Understanding the Mind leads to Insanity

Self-Addiction to Emotions and Feelings as ‘Who We Are’ = Self Interest

Elitist Character: Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility – Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

“the Mind/Energy will ‘fight’ for its Polarities, its relationships, its For/Against definitions, because in this process – it maintains friction/conflict, which is what fuel the existence of the Mind, which is what fuels the existence of this very World System, which fuels the attention-diversion/distraction of the Majority of Humanity to be preoccupied in Polarities, Polarity definitions, fuelling separation “divide and conquer” – while the Minority Elite take the reins of Humanity/life on earth – cause no-one is willing to give-up/let go of their Polarity, their Personality Definitions and actually UNDERSTAND ALL THINGS and align them into and as equal and one Solutions for ALL.” – Sunette Spies*

 

Self Forgiveness on who I shaped myself to be as my emotions and feelings.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept the energy of friction and conflict as ‘who I am’ within my mind without realizing that it was a part of me that I believed I had a ‘right’ to exist as, because: it is coming from me, it must be me – and in this abdicate my very first awareness to the thoughts in my mind as ‘who I am’ and ‘what I am,’ and from that moment on, losing any perspective to question my thoughts and experiences coming up in the mind and felt in my physical body, but instead simply continued to believe that this inner experience of friction and conflict had a reason’ to be inside me and such, begin defining ‘who I am’ according to my mind, the nature of my thoughts, how I experienced myself as thoughts, emotions and feelings wherein my attention then centralized and focused on Me, My Mind, How I feel, beginning to neglect the rest of the beings and reality in itself just because of being focused on ‘who I am as the mind,’ missing out even the reality of myself as my own physical body within this mind-mode.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to actually use and fuel my own self conversations as a form of entertainment and re-assuring that ‘I am this mind,’ because the process of identifying myself ‘as my mind’ became solid as a child and as such, having this be confirmed by people around me when they started to identify me with a certain character like being ‘angry’ or ‘too aloof’ or ‘too conflictive’ or spoiled, which lead me to continue growing up believing that there was a ‘problem’ within me and that I was not normal/ not as other kids because of having this inner-conflict within me of any kind really,  that I could not ‘sort out’ but believe that ‘this is who I am/ I was born like this/ there is no solution’ – within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that this friction and conflict is something that defines me and that I would have to bear with the rest of my life, that there was no questions about it and that I would most likely end up like the adults, being able to ignite in extreme anger in one moment and not be able to stop, which indicates how I became aware of emotions as the aspect I resonated more with, which became a point of identification just because of what I had been exposed to in my reality as a child, which then defined ‘who I am’ according to these surges of anger  and distress that I would experience but was not able to solve within myself, therefore accepting these surges of energy as incontrollable/ unstoppable and ‘who I am,’ which is how I have come to accept the totality of the mind as myself without a question.

 

I realize that yes, the mind represents everything that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to separate ourselves from as ‘our nature’ as humanity which is not of harmony or completion or stability or benevolence, but, of actual evil as the reverse of life as all aspects of separation that we accepted and allowed ourselves to become. This is how I realize that I accepted conflict as a ‘problem’ within myself – just as any other human being – and that due to not knowing how others would also experience themselves, I created a point of specialness as in having some form of ‘anomaly’ for having these ups and down experiences which I identified as being actions that only ‘crazy people’ would have/ experience, eventually wearing the tag as a way to justify my inner conflict and even take proud of that because in one way or another, I was justifying my own personality as ‘special’ and ‘unique’ for having this ways of being which I actually fooled/ kid myself to believe I had no control of, when in fact as I review  such moments, I realize I absolutely was aware of what I was doing and how what I did was a deliberate point of causing and instigating conflict within myself as entertainment and others, because it just felt ‘good.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use friction and conflict within me as a point of self-infatuation and entertainment wherein I began only focusing on ‘How I felt’ in every moment wherein I was given the option to ‘feel good’ or ‘feel bad’ and define everything in my life according to likes and dislikes that became points/  aspects of self identification by people in my environment as ‘who I am,’ and within this

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that because people were okay with having things that they like and dislike or specific characteristics/ moods/ preferences, I was able to then do the same and seek the most unique ways to exist in comparison to them, which is how everything that I perceived as ‘normal’ around me, became my standing point to define myself as everything that I would be ‘against’ to, without realizing that it was never ‘Me’ as a physical being living at all, but just existing as a mind that would lead to define oneself according to standing ‘against’ the majority, standing against/ opposing one’s “normal-environment,” only for the purpose to have a way to stand as a ‘different’ or ‘authentic’ personality defined in opposition to others, and in this only fueling and supporting the separation, the friction and conflict that ensued from that moment on in my life,  wherein

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to within this identification of who I am as the mind, I defined ‘who I am’ according to being ‘the opposite’ to what my family and peers at school represented, and as such, build  my own specialness and security within these definitions at a mind level, which only lead me to every time seek to upgrade my ‘personality’ and preferences, characteristics as a way to not only then antagonize my family or people at school, but the world system in itself in a spiteful mode that I took on toward everything and everyone, without realizing that everything that I spiting at all times was only myself when and while neglecting my very own physical body and the substance that I am as life, using it to power and fuel my  mindfucks, literally, which is unacceptable – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to accept this culture of ‘personality cultivation’ and creation based on defining me as a particular character with preferences and temperament as all the thoughts, beliefs, ideas and opinions I started creating as ‘my point of view’/ my way of being, without realizing that every single definition that I took on as myself became just another way to define myself As something that would invariably stand within one pole that would create friction/ conflict/ react to the opposite pole as another definition to which I would invariably react to, as I had to somehow ‘defend’ myself as My definition whenever the opposite would present itself in my reality.

I realize that I always had one moment before reacting wherein I would actually decide to ‘role play’ my part and react to that which I was supposed to react to based on my preferences, my personality and that which I defined would make me ‘angry’ or ‘mad’ or happy or sad or excited based on the preferences and personality that I began cultivating as a child as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘fill the character’ that I became by my own apparent ‘will’ to do so, and do, react, say and speak the way that I had built myself to be, do, act and speak like, within this complying to the social norm of becoming a character that is predictable and would react against/ oppose or like that which is defined as the oppostite polarity of myself. Within this also,

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘follow through’ with my own script throughout the years and continue fulfilling the reactive character every time that I was almost expected to ‘fulfill the character,’ which is how I realized that the personalities that I created were mostly  ‘a show’ for others, a way to stand in self-importance, specialness, uniqueness and in that learned to only focus on my self, fulfill myself, react when I was expect to do and never question again this as something that could be stopped, because, I had already ‘gotten married’ with the idea of myself/ gotten too much into character, which then became a Lie I had to follow through with and eventually it integrated fully as ‘who I am’ over the years and that was it. I believed that I could not ‘change me’ and stop participating in the character because of the fear of ‘who would I be without it,’ not realizing that the only thing that fears stopping self definitions is the mind, not who we really as as a physical body that is actually being abused and neglected throughout our developmental processes in the mind wherein we are only focused on cultivating our characters and self-experience.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the inner conflict experienced would always be with me and that I would grow up to be as angry/ neurotic as the adults I was aware of in the family, and that I would end up being somehow sick and with some form of mental problem or disorder as well as an emotional problem – such as chronic depression or constant worry and stress – without ever really having investigated how this all was just part of me having identified myself with my thoughts, feelings and emotions as ‘who I am’ as well as adopting the ‘ways of being’ from the characters around me in the family/ society, and as such, believing that I had something ‘wrong’ within me because the inner conflict would not go away – hence believing that I was invariably going to have a ‘disease/ sickness/ mental problem’ at a later stage in life – hence

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize to what extent there is ignorance in humanity with regards to the nature of how the mind works, wherein one single energetic experience was perceived as something utterly ‘wrong,’ or a malfunction, anomaly or disease because of how we’ve programmed ourselves to believe that what we see on TV or as the façade of each other as ‘harmonious,’ ‘happy’ and naturally joyful beings was in fact ‘real’ and had to be ‘who we are,’ without realizing it is a masquerade to hide the actual fear, stress, depression that is experienced within, as that is the nature we have all accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become as the mind, fueling this constant belief that we have to ‘keep up with the positive’ while all the time we experience this inner-conflict when participating in thoughts, feelings and emotions that veered toward the opposite and no matter how we categorize our experiences as positive or negative, they all represent a point of conflict which indicates energy which is of the mind and as such, able to be stopped and self corrected as a point of Self Responsibility.

 

I realize that this  ‘incongruence’ of my inner experience and the outer experience I was supposed to present, created a rift within myself believing that ‘there was something wrong with me,’ and this mostly being talked about in the media as mental disorders and being depressed or having low self esteem, being addicted to a form of self-abuse, belittlement and all of that which was considered as a mental problem/ a Grave problem, which I then kept quiet about and kept a well placed façade of ‘everything is fine, I am perfectly normal,’ even within my dissident/ antagonist characters, but ‘normal,’ and such, veering toward other ways to ‘make sense’ of my inner conflict, leading me nowhere but further confusion and relationships that supported this inner conflict, which became the focus on my life, trying to make sense of it through others, through living the lives of others and avoiding looking at my own, becoming friends with and having relationships that I thought I could use as a way to sort out my own inner conflict through others, instead of focusing on my own and within this, only aggravating the inner conflict that I kept for myself all the time, out of fear of actually having to ‘ask for help.’  Within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to label these energetic experiences as ‘mental disorders’ to that are in fact the ‘normal’ workings of the mind within how it  operates and understanding that for that matter, all human beings could be labeled as having some ‘mental disorder’ because The Mind in itself works through friction and conflict that we perceive as our emotions and feelings and thoughts, inner conversations, backchat – therefore there was not going to be in any way a ‘mental health’ or stability possible as long as we would seek only to make people ‘happy’ and ‘positive’ and get their ‘motivation’ back up, which is why and how I always resisted having any support because it seemed to phony to just veer to the positive and ‘be happy’ while the reality that I was witnessing, was nothing but happy for everyone, was nothing but harmonious wherein I would witness a world that was existing in constant fights and problems with money, politicians, poverty, wars and all of this only meaning to me one thing: this world is crazy and so am I, within this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of ‘the state of the world’ as a way to justify my experience as being ad hoc to the state of the world – madness, instability, depressio, crisis – hence the entire characterization of ‘the sensitive being’ that reacts to what others apparently would not see, and in this becoming even more self absorbed in my own emotional experiences about the world, linking that to ‘art’ and ending up victimizing myself, believing that ‘there is no way out, it’s the devil’s way now’ which is how I see obviously even the music that I would hear would support this entire ‘depressed’ character not because I was not being supported to live – that’s why it is the elitist character, because I was not suffering a physical life of Lack of money/ health/ poverty or abuse – but I was only focusing on cultivating these emotions and ‘sensitivity’ to the world as a point of self interest, because of having learned how ‘artists were sensible beings’ and I actually made people accept me as ‘different’ due to this so-called ‘sensitivity’ and ‘specialness’ that I built in within myself, getting completely in this character that was probably even ‘allowed’ to be alone, isolated, depressed because of the same character of which I also expected to make a ‘name’ of myself for,  and justify my non-compliance to the system as well as defending my ‘point of view’ to not even attempt to create a change within the system itself – in essence: the ultimate justification to Not stand up for my life and the life of this world in equality.

 

All the time that I only cultivated my personality, my inner conflict, my dissatisfaction with life, my helplessness, my worry, my concern, my sadness toward the world, my depression, my confusion about people, my judgmental experiences of opposition toward ‘the world system,’ my desires to just ‘fly away’ and be out of the system, desires to expose the ‘ugly through something beautiful’ in some form of expression were again only actions, words cultivating a character within me, wherein I was not actually willing to investigate my self-experience, my mind and How I had created it, but only ‘get the most of it’ and making it into an acceptable character in society which is why I veered toward arts/ humanitarian studies and ‘dissed’ my apparent potential to become something else because of getting into this ‘sentimental character’ that was apparently my ‘humane’ aspect to cultivate as ‘my real personality’ – thus

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to cultivate my emotions  in order to be on the side of those that were ‘alive’ and could see the world and be sad about it and depressed and feel ‘misunderstood,’ which became really just another self-interest game where I would only remain as a victim, living in constant drama and this belief of there being something ‘wrong’ within me because of not being ‘happy’ and ‘joyful’ naturally – without realizing that:

I had never in fact understood how the mind functioned and how even if I was addicted to feeling sad, sorry for myself, depressed and victimized all the way, is still the same as fixating on everything that is positive, happy and joyful that I criticized extensively in the past, which proves the ignorance toward our own mind wherein we believe that we are somehow being more ‘responsible’ for being sad/ gloomy/ angry at the world when it is just another way to focus on our own experience and not really at all looking at the world and realizing that there are solutions required that will not be solved with us ‘feeling bad’ about it, that’s just blatant self-interest and an actual defense mechanism to not become a sound being that can stand in the face of reality and take absolute self responsibility for ourselves/ the world here as breath, which is what I have realized within this process: we cannot sustain this self-interested experiences of ups and downs and seeking happiness or being subsumed in depressions- which is the same thing – but actually stop participating in all forms of energetic experiences and focus on integrating ourselves to our physical body here as breath, that does Not require to have a particular ‘stance’ toward the world as an experiencing ourselves to do, be, say and act toward what’s best for all.

 

I commit myself to expose how our energetic fixations of the mind as desires, wants and needs – as well as rejections, denials, suppressions – represent the ‘who we are’ as the mind that functions through energy, which is who we have become as consciousness and within this, exposing how we have diminished ourselves in the physical to these limited characters that fight and define one against the other with no ability to actually create solutions, stand up for that which matters, because we are so busy trying to sort out our inner experiences, without even looking at the consequences that are ensuing from such self-experience as a drug of the mind. And so

 

I commit myself to stop any mind fixation within me either perceived as positive or negative and any participation in the self-definition of who I have been as a point of  preference or habit in order to finally be able to stand as  a sound stable physical being that can be effective to be self directive, self-motivated to establish solutions in this world and stop wallowing in any form of self experience as the result of seeing ‘the state of the world’ as that is only but a mechanism of defense to continue existing as a mind that ‘feels’ and ‘becomes emotional’ but establishes no solutions to the problems we’ve created, which is our responsibility at all times.

 

I commit myself to expose how our ‘mental instability’ is nothing ‘out of this world,’ but the mechanism of how the mind works and for this, realizing that reducing ourselves to have some form of ‘mental instability’ is the ultimate self-incapacitation in order to believe that we are not ‘strong enough’ or ‘good enough’ or ‘capable enough’ to stand up to create solutions in this world.

 

I realize that the moment we focus on our mind problems/ inner experience, we absolutely miss out the reality that is here and this is how it is imperative for all of us to get to a point of constancy and consistency as the stability that we are able to all live by here as Breath, as life in the physical, so that we no longer get distracted by our energy fixes of the mind as ‘problems’ and ‘instabilities’ that are self created just as another attention diversion aspect within our worlds.

 

I commit myself to expose how it is only possible for us people that have enough food to eat, a place to live and education to be focusing on this ‘inner experience’ due to having ‘more time’ to spend wondering in the mind instead of being physically working and participating in activities that are related to actually contributing to life on Earth. This is how depression and any other form of mental instability that can be identified as ‘mental disorder’ hence an apparent  “drug-required disease,” is just another way to make money for the pharmaceutical companies that use this ‘weakness’ within the human mind in a capitalist world to believe that emotions and feelings are a disease that can be controlled or healed with chemicals/drugs, instead of actually investigating one’s life to see how these ‘disorders’ were entirely self created, accepted and allowed and as such take responsibility for them, in order to not only correct oneself in one’s living and physical stability, but also to support establishing conditions in this world through education and the necessary changes in the entire system so that whichever system-deficiency is able to be identified as a problem that propitiates this mental problems, we create a solution for, which implies the implementation of the Equal Money System to ensure that people are no longer subject to a survival mode that feeds this inner conflict of the mind, but instead we are able to focus on re-establishing our living conditions to that which is optimal and supportive to be Living in this world as physical beings and no longer existing of/ as friction and conflict in the mind, feeding each other’s mind-realities and instead, support each other to ground ourselves as the physical, stop living as characters and work together to create a world that is based on life in equality.

 

— I will continue with looking at how these energetic experiences of the mind as emotions and feelings causing inner conflict, were reduced to being ‘mental disorders’ of the mind wherein we made an illness of something that is each individual’s point of self responsibility to correct, stop and align to the physical living wherein the focus must always be to stand as beings that support life in Equality with All – and within this, for once and for all, stop supporting each other’s inner-instabilities as ‘who we are’ and dare to call that a human crisis instead of a human problem caused by ourselves and resolved by ourselves individually.

Desteni Forum 

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Emotions and Feelings are Self Interest – Stop the Self-Addiction

 

Educate Yourself about How your Mind Operates:

Blogs:

 

Interviews to Step out of the Mind and realize the opportunity and responsibility we hold toward ourselves/ each other to create a world that is livable for all:


228. Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility

 

Before even getting ourselves into any form of doubt about having a ‘mental disorder,’ one should realize that the current explanation any psychologist, psychiatrist, neurologists or any other form of physician can provide about how the mind works is limited to what the human eye/ mind can assess of itself. This means: it is as limited as our ability to see reality and how it actually functions, which lacks of any form of understanding in order to provide for solutions that can better the lives of all individuals equally. You require proof of of this? Look at this world, there’s our proof/ truth/ reality and it is certainly not working at its best at all.

This is how and why the Desteni Research over the past 6 years is of utmost importance to humanity in order to understand How the Mind actually Functions and what Consciousness in Fact Is. It is virtually playing god or saints to give some miraculous power these chemicals/ drugs and expect any form of supposed ‘mental disorder’ be cured while having absolutely NO idea of how such  perceived/called/named ‘disorder’ was created by the individual through all environmental influences/ exposure in the first place.

Continuing from:

 

As a recap, I have gone through a general perspective of how this drug culture is currently a multi-billion making market that exists within a very well regarded sector of our society which is, paradoxically enough, the health system. The problem is that this HELLth system is lacking any actual understanding of the human mind to in any way provide actual support for what’s been called ‘mental disorders’ of which we are quite familiar with since there is a constant bombardment within the media – and by psychiatrists themselves- to diagnose any person, including children and babies as young as 2 year olds, with disorders that they can give some prescription drug for and make a sustainable amount of profit from all the people that get literally hooked on legal drugs, and yes, that is legal as it is within the framework of the ‘health system’ and approved by so-called authorities at a governmental level. Lack of policies that care for life and only go for the money? Absolutely.

 

Where’s our responsibility?

This is as important as valuing your own life: there exist in no way a possibility for any form of drug to ‘cure you’ of that which You have created and programmed yourself within who you have accepted and allowed yourself to be and become as your mind in all its layers and systems. All of this is being explained within the interviews that explain the actual technology of the mind with absolute specificity to ensure that we, as humanity for the first time, get to actually KNOW what the hell is going on within our minds and how there is no actual ‘disease’ but only self created patterns, habits, coping and survival mechanisms to exist within a world wherein we learn how to define ‘who we are’ according to our mind only, who we are as our emotions and feelings, as out thoughts and internal conversations; within this, and once one realizes to what extent we have virtually absorbed our environment to accept it as ‘who we are,’ we are all collectively responsible for everything and everyone in this reality, because the moment I accepted that ‘I am my thoughts,’ I became subject to cultivating this who I am according to these thoughts that I actually imprinted, copied, transferred from my environment/ sphere of influence, my ‘education,’ that which surrounded me wherein if I would have been a feral kid living with wolves or cows, I would have Not developed the human-traits of identifying myself with thinking processes or developing my emotional and feeling bodies as we are taught to do so by our parents from the very first moment we are driven to be ‘entertained’ or ‘pull out a smile’ or being made ‘happy’ with plastic toys and colors, pictures, sounds and gestures that we get bombarded with while being barely able to discern our reality. All this world of constant stimulation is what we have accepted as ‘who we are’ as ‘what makes us feel good,’ and for that: we had to accept thoughts, feelings and emotions as the mind, as energy created by our acceptance of this entire energy-based system as ‘who we are.’ Where is the physical body within this? Nowhere. And what is created from not being able to obtain this positive feel-goodness? Mental instability/ disorders through our perceived lacked of that promoted ‘happiness’ as an actual state of being natural to the human being.

For more on this you can read:

210. Not Having Money Makes You Sad– but Why?
198. Wealth and Positivity a Synonym of Abuse «
209. Successful Living = Capitalist Brainwash «
115. Following our Dreams is Plain Delusional «

 

 

Getting Rid of the Mind = Getting Rid of the Problem?

A common belief there is within and while walking the Desteni material is ‘getting rid of the mind’ / getting rid of knowledge and information/ stop thinking, when it is not about that in itself: we are the mind, it is an integral part of ourselves and it would be as ludicrous as saying I am not my blood vessels – and this is due to how ingrained and intertwined the mind in fact exists within the physical body. Thus, what we are doing here is walking a process to Align ourselves as beings within our physical body to integrate ourselves within our physical bodies, living in physical common sense which does not require all the friction and conflict that the mind is always instigating as our thoughts, feelings and emotions that we have accepted and allowed as ‘who we are’ to keep us all well entertained ‘up there,’ while disregarding the actual mechanisms of how the mind works and What Powers such mind which is the physical substance, just like we extract the oil from the earth as substance to transform it into gas to be able to move around in our motorized vehicles. Same process – look at all the problems that exist in this world due to this process which I explained in more detail here: Day 2 – Running out of Oil «

 

The mind resources energy from the physical body to exist. And every time we accept the mind as who we are we consume ourselves which implies that this is the reason why our current system is entirely energy based. The Soul of Money series explains this precise relationship of the relationship between the mind and the physical as the economic model that we’ve implemented in our reality as our current capitalist system, and that analogy in itself should be taken into consideration by more analysts and professionals in terms of finding an economic solution to this world. We do have our own common sense being provided within the Economist’s Journey To Life  blog that provides all the necessary understanding and exposure of our current economy and how to practically transform into an equality based system.

 

Within this, it is to see that the moment we accept ourselves to be our mind’ we accept the entire system as it is – and this single aspect as a virtual ‘normalcy’ that we’re born into, is what we’ve used to keep us going nowhere but down the road of self destruction, because no one has ever questioned The Mind as who we are in the first place, not to mention the totality of how the mind functions as all that which we are only aware of at a conscious mind level only, which is only the tip of the iceberg of everything that the mind in fact really is and the extent to which everything we have ever been has only been a byproduct of this energetic-resourcing mechanism that the mind inflicts and imposes onto the physical body – is this a matter of coincidence? No, it is human engineering that is explained by the creators of the human physical body themselves and the races that came before the human being – for that, listen to the Reptilian Series and the Atlantean Series to get to understand what the relationship creation process entails – and no, it is not about ‘partnership relationships’ but definitions we created toward everything and everyone in our reality based on Energy.

 

 

So, is ‘Energy’ the bad guy then?

No, as everything that is Here in this existence is ourselves, it is the same as wanting to blame money for being evil in this world when it’s not ‘money’ in itself that’s the problem, but  Who We Are As that money which implies that the human nature – and for that matter – the existential nature of what we became from the moment we separated ourselves from our oneness and equality. This primordial ‘times’ explanation is walked through the series The Secret History of the Universe that tell the never-before known/ understood archives of our existence, books from the library of Alcyone that are being narrated/ translated by one of the only beings that had access to that information to reveal How the very first form-manifestations in existence existed-as and related to one another – and this is explained to the T in the following interview:

The Secret History of the Universe – Is Energy Life – Part 6

 

This is why responsibility resides within each one of us as there is no way ‘you’ could be out of this existential process and emerged out of ‘nowhere’ in this reality, this is how is plain delusional to believe we hold no responsibility toward ourselves, the world, each other, animals, and everything that is existent in our reality.

This is also why we are walking our individual process of writing, self forgiveness, self corrective application to understand How we have separated ourselves from our physical body, which is an expression that implies that: we accepted and allowed ourselves to define ‘who we are’ as individuals and toward each other according to a systematized version of life through energy, which is the mind, the mind works on energy which is a reduced awareness of substance which at the same time, is also a part of and what life is as there is nothing ‘left out’ within this existence from being part of ‘who we are.’ This is why we talk about equality as life, we are one and equal as part of this same existence,  each human being is existing as/ made of the same ‘fabric’ as everything and everyone else.

 

We had ignored the fact of how the mind worked and how it was in fact not the actuality of Living life in the physical, but reducing Life to a single set of energetic experiences assessed by all the layers of the mind in order to create an output of ‘who we are’ according to knowledge and information toward that part of reality/ person/ point we are looking at in reality, which means that we have always only lived through our minds, as energy – not as physical breathing beings that assess physicality by seeing direct – and Not through the perception of what we’ve become as the characters, personalities, knowledge and information as the mind. Yes, we were ‘unaware’ of how it all worked, BUT we cannot deny at all that we were ‘unaware’ of the consequences that are here in our face every single moment as our reality and what we’ve become when cultivating this personified version of ‘life’ at the expense of Life, which is again, at the expense of ourselves.

 

Thus the mind is who we are as what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become – which is our responsibility. It is who we are because it represents all the relationships we  created within our processes of individualization, which is – in very basic terms – to imprint and assign energetic experiences to things, people/ parts of our reality in order to define ‘who we are’ toward ‘them/ that’ – this is how separation began from our physicality into energy: defining ‘who we are’ as thoughts, emotions, feelings, how we ‘experience’ ourselves toward other parts and people and particles of our reality, which is then what requires a point of self-definition in order to assess ‘who I am/ what I want to be’ in relation to this/ that part of reality. But at the same time, due to understanding how the mind functions and operates, we cannot possibly define who we really are as only these Experiences that we have toward people/ reality/ beings and determine that as ‘our living’/ life / all that we are – no way, yet unfortunately that’s how we’ve lived as human beings: I am a woman, I am a mother, I am a father, I am an engineer, I am a lover, I am a loser, I am a drug addict, I am a savior, I am intelligent being, I am a depressed person, I am a deceiver, I am a happy person, I am a wealthy being, I am a special unique individual….

At a physical level in common sense, there is no need to differentiate ourselves according to ‘how we feel, think or experience’ ourselves about others or reality in its totality – however, we all complied to this process even before humanity existed – and that is absolutely each and every single person, being or manifestation’s responsibility because within this all: we are all equal and one, and that is not some nice magical term but an actual consideration of the responsibility we hold toward ourselves as individuals, as our physical, as our mind and toward each other for everything that we’ve become.

 

Then why do we have to ‘Forgive Ourselves?/ Apply Self Forgiveness?’

Why Self Forgiveness is necessary? My perspective and realization throughout this process is: How else could be give ourselves the necessary authority and self-will to realize the fuckup, realize where we deviated ourselves from this equality and oneness, to within this self-directive process,  gather enough courage, self direction and integrity in Common Sense to have the absolute decision to support ourselves to, for the first time, to in fact Live, not as a programmable energetic platform that we’ve been living by/as ‘who we are’ as all the personalities/ characters that constantly and continuously ‘remind us’ who we are. Seriously, does life require all of this mayhem of personalities, interests, self deluded ideas of grandeur in order to exist? No, that’s the result of our separation, because in separation, we will always seek to get back to the ‘whole,’ but this ‘wholeness’ is understood as a ‘moreness’ – which is where greed comes from – instead of walking bit by bit our process to understand the actual equality and oneness that we are and can live by As Individuals when equalizing ourselves as our physical body, as our mind, so that we are no longer energy-driven bots seeking for the next fix of an energetic high to be or become something ‘more’ than what we Already Are as the totality of everything that is here.

 

Education is Necessary for any Real Change

This is part of what I’ve learned this year thanks to what I can call the Existential and Humanitarian Educational Research conducted by the Interdimensional Portal at Desteni, wherein we are able to get perspectives from the systems themselves to understand what consciousness is, who we are in relationship to it, why we are existing in this world, what are the solutions, what is our responsibility, who created us, why are we only Now getting this information, is there an existence after death? is there a god? what was god? what is our purpose within this  existence then?  – and all I could say is that instead of investing in any form of temporary fix of entertainment, there is no greater satisfaction and stability that one can obtain from these interviews that have allowed me to solve existential woes and questions that would still lead me to be ‘uncertain’ about this entire process and our role within it all. It is absolutely clear to me that only through this education at Eqafe can we assist and support ourselves to In Fact be and become Living Beings that have the necessary understanding – with our respective application with our individual self support of course – in order to create an actual change in this world beginning with ourselves that can surely, this time, stand the test of time and ensure that we never again enslave ourselves to the abusive system and reality we’ve all shaped with our mighty mind forces of self interest as humanity, which is everything that you and I reading this and getting to this point are willing to take responsibility as part of our Self-Realization Process.

 

Standing up for Life in Self Responsibility thus begins within ourselves, our own mind, our own body, our own relationships no matter how ‘petty’ we can see ourselves at this moment, we are standing up for that which represents Life in Equality and there is certainly nothing ‘greater’ than that, but there’s also quite a process to walk in order to ensure we create the best possible ways to implement these realizations in our physical reality, this world, changing our current economic system into an Equality system that can ensure we are in fact able to trust one another as life, and that is the Equal Money System

 

Time to get out of the remote-view of our self-deluded versions in our minds of ‘who we are’ and ‘what’s the point’ of all this process – this existence is ourselves and it’s in our hands. We cannot afford to continue diverting our attention with even more self-created problems through our own creation and participation of them in our own ‘heads’ in the first place  due to this basic self definition of who we are as energy of thoughts, emotions and feelings. This whole point proves that as within, so without = we are it all and so is our responsibility equally existent toward the whole.

 

You decide where you stand.

 

Next will continue with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application upon this primordial separation of who we are as the mind and then, Live the realization that: any form of Mind-Instability/ disorder is Self Created and we Must take Responsibility for it ourselves. Not the drugs.

 

Self Support to Begin your Journey to Life is Here:

Heaven is No More

 

Must Read Blogs:

 

Get some incentive to Live and be physically hear through hearing the Horse’s lessons about giving birth to Life in the Physical.

 

Quantum Systemization – Preview


226. Seeking for a Posi+ive Fix All the Time?

Why are we always wanting to ‘feel good’ without seeing how we are pinning ourselves up in the cross we all bear as the desire for posi+ivi+y?

 

Elitist Character: Drug Culture – Energy Addiction as our Self-Consuming Demise

 

 

Ok, here’s the deal. I realized that in order to walk this process to the fullest it is to take a similar decision to when you decide to quit taking drugs or stop any other habit that has been life/time/money and self-integrity consuming. The decision is made in one moment – Living it, becomes our entire lifetime.

Fear of commitment? Well, let’s see it as easy as: the moment I fear committing myself to something is because I am already wanting/ needing/ desiring to leave an open back door to be able to ‘escape for more,’ which then not a decision made by Self Here in stability as the physical, but still wanting to remain satisfying ourselves as the mind.

Then I ask myself: am I willing to continue deceiving myself for a longer time here? The answer is No, I can’t. And even if I am aware that there will be ‘withdrawal symptoms’ of whatever I am willing to stop, it is a certainty of what must be done in order to walk this Process to the T and focus on breathing, living and not continuing supporting the who I am as the mind of energy that comes through all these wants/ needs/ desires like:

  • I want to
  • I need to
  • I desire to
  • I look forward to
  • I am living up for
  • I crave for
  • I could die for
  • I would kill for – see how these idioms are part of our lexicon lol
  • I hope for
  • I pray for – yes the religious infection here
  • I dream of
  • I fight for
  • I wait for
  • I wish
  • I live up to

 

Have a look for yourself, how many times a day you think or speak these words and anything that comes afterward is a point that will most certainly cause you a certain good experience, something you want/ need/ desire to fulfill as an experience that you’ve defined as ‘more’ than what you already are here.

 

 

Yes, that constant inner-experience of: wanting, needing, desiring, hoping, yearning, wishing, craving, looking forward to, being dreaming of, living up for and essentially, everything that I used as a point to eventually ‘get’ in separation of myself, that something that became a single abstraction that I would be bound to in a masochistic manner. I say masochistic because it is so, every time we bind ourselves to the idea of wanting, needing and desiring something or someone = red flag, the mind’s got us by the balls. And that is a certainty  really, to be unaware of what the hell goes IN FACT inside our bodies when we access the single slightest level of excitement which can only stem from fear, the single slightest level of love that can only stem from fear, the single slightest experience of happiness that can only stem from fear – how? why? simple mathematics that we’ve learned, isn’t it?  (-) (-) = +

Interesting that even the ‘Positive Sign’ is a Cross, did Jesus get crucified on a cross to point out the suffering of what seeking the Positive does?

 

Did Jesus die to get us all unhooked on drugs? That would be a contemporary explanation of the crucifixion = +fixion, the fixation on the positive, the happiness, the bliss, the drugs, the high of the mind as emotions and feelings. Isn’t that our demise currently? It is, all this world is being consumed by us, human beings, due to having followed our ‘dreams’ as desires in our minds while disregarding basic physical considerations within reality that must be extracted, abused and consumed to create a certain experience within us. Whenever I write about ‘consideration of the physical’ the reproductive cycle of fish comes to mind. That’s where I learned that people should not fish every single day during the whole damn year, because the species had to reproduce and then grow to eventually be fished. Did we respect such reproductive cycles? No we didn’t, because we had to satisfy our mind urges to have quantum fish here, in the ‘Now’ of our fantabulous consciousness. You see the CON now?

 

Got your Fix?

This is about the reduction of reality, of life, of who we are to mere stimulation things. Everything became a point separated from ourselves due to the relationship formation processes we created toward everything and everyone in existence. The nature of such separation is inevitable suffering, separation, abuse of any form – all because of missing out one primary aspects as existence: we are all one and equal.

Now, this context is necessary to understand then why being addicted to Energy is the same as being willing to lick Satan’s boots if you are a Christian for example. Meaning, how could we in any way pretend to be ‘good doers’ if our very mechanism in which our mind operates at all times is based on the consumption of our very physicality to transform it into Energy, Energy that we have glorified, deified and crucified ourselves to be able to constantly get our energy fix through which ever mean one would program oneself to: money, sex/ love, sports, drugs, food, buying, jumping off cliffs, food, TV, books, magazines, gardening, cleaning, exercising, traveling, learning, working… yes, the point here to realize is how we have essentially equated everything into a drug, Anything can be a point of stimulation in our minds and that means that we have been preponderant to be able to abuse and turn into an energetic satisfaction of sorts.

Is there any form of integrity within these relationship formation processes? No, the word says it itself: integral = whole/ complete – whereas a self-corruption within conformity – as our entire system is currently functioning – leads to a massive acceptance of self destruction upon warning or missing out all the warnings along the way. It is done, we can’t create more specialness to everything and everyone to what is already here, fake characters interacting with each other consuming self-defined relationships of abuse as an energetic fix that would

And so, I will walk the self forgiveness for having reduced life as this physical reality and people to equivalents of drugs, because: to understand drugs, one must understand the mind and the energetic requirements that are the actual driving forces in our reality – are we in control? Have we been the directive principle of ourselves? Never, we’ve always succumbed to the nice fluffy experiences even if it is obvious that such experience is based and founded upon abuse.

To me being able to understand this was also a like solving a mystery I could not fathom within myself: why do we always FALL for the same thing over and over again? Why do we Like self abuse? Why do we enroll ourselves in abusive situations and relationships even if there are options to not do so? The reality is that the physical as Life as who we really are would not make such decisions, it is the mind that is assessing how to maintain its constant energy fix through us participating in fixations in the mind. That’s it. Now, there is an entire mind-technology behind this all and you can for sure Educate yourself on how this all works within the Quantum Mind Self Awareness interviews, as well as understanding the real forces that we’ve been living as till today, which are the actual evil in this world due to all energetic relationships are the result of separation, friction and conflict. This is how there can be no love as a bunch of butterflies in your stomach, there can be no happiness when it is stemming from the actual fear that one exists in the first place to seek the Posi+tive .

 

What does Jesus have to do within all of this – all the story is told here: The Crucifixion of Jesus to understand the relationship between the physical body and the mind and what the pinning of Jesus to the cross actually meant, which is at simple view the sacrifice of the physical body for the mind/god which is nothing else but the energy requiring machine. That’s what we’ve satisfied only: the Body, the physical flesh does Not require to ‘feel good’ to exist, in fact, Living is not about Feeling but about remaining Here as Breath – breath provides the necessary oxygen for all the nutrients to be absorbed by the physical body. I remember reading in the back of a Radiohead cd: Oxygen should be regarded as a drug and realized we had gone too far already with the entire drug culture point to the extent of making the air we breath another high – well, it keeps us alive and that’s what matters. Do we require more than that? We don’t, but who we are as the mind does.

 

This is how the cross + our seeking of the positive is the sacrifice we’re always inflicting upon ourselves as the physical, it’s like a battle between the light and the dark but everything’s been in reverse and the darkness represents the physical body, the substance, the life from which we all come from – the light is the mind, the system, the energy that dazzles our sight and is presented in all these beautiful /positive forms while ignoring the actual processes that are existent behind any form of energetic experience – whether positive or negative – same point – because both positive and negative signify poles of the same thing which is Energy. Therefore, we can see that the real problem here is all that we’ve done to ourselves in the name of Energy, The Mind, Consciousness acting as a parasite on the physical. 

 

To learn more about this existential explanation of who we are as the mind as consciousness, read Heaven’s Journey To Life where the road to the physical is essentially stopping feeding our obsessions and abuse toward the physical and BE in and as the physical body, participating in our physical reality supporting each other to step out of the same fascinations and turn this world into a rehab center, if you will, an educational one where we are not seeing each other as sinners any longer seeking for bits of heaven, but as individuals that understand how this is a decision that must be made in absolute self awareness of what we are doing to ourselves and the actions that we have to correct within us at an individual level to stop existing as/ supporting only the energy consuming machine that we’ve become as our mind only.

 

 

This is a general background to understand why and how we have turned our reality into an energy source for ourselves as mind-machines being willing to do anything to get our fix: this entire reality as the world system is working the exact same way and based upon the exact same principles I’ve described above, and who’s benefitting from it? Only the system in itself, not even human beings in positions of power are being benefitted from this process wherein we have all ‘played our part’ and unless we stop role-playing, we’ll probably continue this game until there are no more roles to play, as there will be nothing else to buy/consume for our satisfaction.

.Now you understand a bit more of what the cruci-fix-ion is about within this context, fixating on energy in which ever form you wish, we are all addicts and certainly not proud of it as this world is the result of every single bit of want, need and desire that stemmed from our mind that only seeks to benefit itself, never life, never the physical: we are the ones that must change the way reality, our physical body and this entire world system functions. There is no Jesus coming to save us, that’s for sure.

I extended the ‘introduction’ but, it’s necessary to have context to understand addictions and all types of fixations before we commit ourselves to stop – Why would I want to stop that which makes me ‘feel great’? Because that which apparently makes me ‘feel great’ for a few hours, minutes becomes the most enslaving experience that one can be constantly existing as, which is only existing as a mind in tunnel vision fixating on wanting, needing and desiring to get this/that in order to apparently feel fine – but, as Marduk explained: once we get it, we realize something: we really didn’t want it anyways, it was just the experience of Wanting it that which kept us always hooked on the same thoughts, feelings in our mind.

That’s not living.

Next post: Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Application on the basics to walk this self-commitment to stop participating in energy of the mind and what that entails.

 

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221. Insanity as a Fear turned into Fascination

Continuing with: 220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

First point: How did I come to link Drug Culture with Mad people as a point of fascination?

– Personal Story/ Characterization of the Black Sheep/Crazy person that supports Crazy People:

By Fascination I mean something that intrigues you, something that you cannot be certain of but containing ‘something’ that is mostly not broadly understood, acceptable, comprehensible, normal and having no ‘cure’ for it. And all of this formed part of all the various mysteries that I would always be fascinated to talk about, which is like a generational thing: all things occult, paranormal, mysterious, extraterrestrial, inexplicable events, myths and whatever it is that would cause me a point of Fascination as an energetic experience that I can describe as Adrenaline.  Where does adrenaline come from? Fear.

Yesterday I wrote that I didn’t quite know where this fascination comes from, so I got a perspective on how it was simply a point of Fear that I had turned into a fascination. I definitely see the point as there was an energetic movement that I realized I had to walk through first in order to be able to tell the story, walk the Self Forgiveness without holding onto the Experience that I imprinted on all these memories. Even the drawing I placed on yesterday’s post indicated the way to follow up: I fear going insane – which is a real thought in my mind that has existed at times and I bet that all human beings have had this thought at some point in their lives. To me such fear indicated how the moment I could not make sense of insanity, I turned it into a fascination, which is a very simple polarity mechanism of the mind to turn love into hate and vice versa, all for the sake of creating a relationship of conflict toward something/ someone. That insanity became what I realized would be linked to a sense of freedom – e.g. when I was a kid and ‘act all crazy’ and how I would have fun for causing a shock to my family, I mean this was quite a common way for me to behave, lol, and it was all because of the energetic experience. 

It was exactly a month ago that I began gathering information about this topic and so I got several points listed related to insanity/ drugs as a point of self definition. Therefore, this will be quite a ride since I can see a lot of the personality I had become was linked to this and may still be seeping through at times.

 

Hence this entire topic will be divided in two: Insanity and Drug Culture.

– I begin with insanity and my childhood years.

When I was a child, I would go into extreme temper tantrums, I’ve explained this before when talking about anger, getting possessed to the point wherein I would vibrate my whole body and I absolutely get till this day this chilling sensation on the left arm when recalling the energy and pain in the back of my head, occipital point right side. So, what comes up to mind is that when I would possess myself within these tantrums, I would mostly end up being alone in what was then my parent’s room and my mother would come in and be all angry at me for being throwing a tantrum,  I remember her eyes being absolutely wide open and then saying something along the lines of me being really crazy for being possessed with such anger/ in such tantrum. So, this word was connected to this shock that I would put myself into within this anger possession and her calling me crazy would only fuel this entire possession like a spiteful mode of ‘Oh you’re calling me crazy eh? well here we go, I’ll get as crazy as I can’ and so end up really just crying my heart out and feeling my body just go into this absolute energetic possession wherein I would feel every single part of my body going into a frenzy, anger in the utmost expression’ – I would only take this to a certain point because: I feared dying. Yes, I feared that my heart would stop and I would get a heart attack for tensing up my body that much, so I would only calm myself down out of guilt for what I realized I was doing to my body, I could feel what a draining experience it was for it and so I would stop out of regret, shame and feeling overall miserable and sad toward myself and ‘asking forgiveness’ to my body at the end, regretting the whole act, but not learning from it as I would then repeat the same some other times…  I would be alone when all of this would happen since my mother or father would mostly close the door after themselves whenever I was in such a state of possession. All of this I’m pretty sure would happen when I was 5, 6 or 7.  And this is as far as I can see I linked insanity with fear due to my anger possessions.

Later on whenever we would see ‘crazy people’ like vagrants on the street, my mother would take me by the hand and walk across the street or deliberately change our path/way to not go directly past the ‘crazy person.’ She was afraid of them and so I obviously picked up the fear toward them, ending up fearing being called crazy person, like them  – initially – which later on turned into the opposite point.

 

Another aspect is how whenever I would be exalted/ angry for any little thing in my world – listen to the short fused life review to listen to what I would mostly go through my life – my mother would have this joking-way of dealing with me and so she would start patting my back, caressing my back but she said something about such movement been done to ‘calm crazy people when going through an attack’ – and so I would then dislike her doing that because of her then doing it within the starting point of calling me ‘crazy’ and as such, being considered a ‘crazy person’ which I feared/ disliked. I took it absolutely personal and too serious so I would react to her in further anger whenever she tried to touch me again when I was angry.

The same situation would happen with my father, whenever he was absolutely angry and my mother would try and calm him down. What happens in this situation is that one is so possessed with anger that someone kind of making fun of your experience or ‘not taking it seriously’ = not ‘buying’ and in a way not supporting the mind’s tantrum, only fueled the anger because us in the mind is like ‘come on you have to get all fearful because I am Angry!’ – just like demons instigating deliberate fear around the people that are in the presence of a demon possession, which is what I’ve learned from the recent interviews by MyKey Demons in the Afterlife.  So, I essentially would do the same he did until my mother would not handle it and end up reacting in anger as well.  And so I would exacerbate the anger even further, until I would decide that I had been angry enough time for the day.

 

And so this ‘crazy’ person point became a relationship within myself toward my mother mostly wherein I would later on try and prove that I was ‘in fact’ crazy for liking, saying, doing the things I would do, which weren’t real shocking but always containing some form of instigation toward a reaction, as I would feed off from her reactions toward my actions, way of behaving, doing, living, preferences, etc. just the deliberate process of creating a point of conflict within her wherein I would get a kick out of ‘not following her ways’ and becoming that which I thought she feared me becoming.

Now things have changed obviously as I’ve walked my process and realized more and more how my relationship toward here was based on this antagonism to create a point of conflict within her and myself. Till this day she calls me loca as a nickname, which is only a remnant of everything that I lived out in order to seem outrageous for her/ my family, which is why I then went into finding out more about everything that was feared as insanity and drug addicts mostly. So, I essentially created a ‘fascination’ for some of the key aspects that I would hear my parents fearing: insanity and drug addicts as mentally instable people, as some sort of scum of society.

There you go, my antagonist/ rebellious character then formed according to creating a likeness/ being fascinated with that which was feared, being curious about that which you cannot understand, that which is not openly talked about – at least not at home or in y immediate environment – which were insanity and later on drugs.

 

This will continue.

 

Self Forgiveness on the First aspect of this entire point which is Insanity/ Craziness.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to fear going crazy when I was a child due to how I learned that insanity was something to be feared and that I could in fact end up being sent to a mental hospital, which would exist as a joke within my family of ‘dropping me at El Batán’ which became like similar to threatening me with the boogie man.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to react in absolute fear literal petrification that one time that I was taking pictures around the pyramid in Cholula, and the mental hospital is right behind, and so as I was walking around, I heard a woman screaming ‘Let me out! Let me Out” and so her screams became this chilling experience of absolute fear within me, wherein I realized that I actually feared ever being in such a place that I had only ‘idealized’ from what one read in books or watches in movies.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to experience powerlessness toward ‘insane people,’ while feeling sorry for them being ‘locked up’ and at the same time fearing me being in such a place ever in my life.

 

I realize that I understand now why such type of absolute actual crazy people – not self-made crazy people, which is another story – were actually system-integration errors within the physical body, wherein the mind would not develop appropriately, leading to a physical development as ‘usual’ but the mind creating a point of instability/ malfunction leading to mental impairment or insanity – For further support to understand this which was actually a cool explanation to make sense of people with mental problems Life Review – A Child’s Mind in an Adult Body.

 

 

DSC00478_001
View from standing outside ‘El Batán’

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to keep this picture as ‘special’ because it was taken right after I heard that woman screaming ‘let me out’ and imprinting it as an entire memory that I recall as  a point of fear but at the same time linked to the entire emotional aspect that I had lived out within myself toward gloomy-looking trees and sunsets, making it a ‘perfect memory’ of fear, enjoyment and whatnot as a Mindfuckism example of that which I accepted and allowed myself to be defined by.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was in fact ‘fascinated’ with insanity and/or drugs, without realizing how it was only me creating a relationship of likeness/ preference/ desire toward that which I feared and learned to fear through the memories of my childhood and the reactions I would pick up on people as in fearing insane people, drug addicts and within that, not getting any further information as to ‘why’ they were crazy or why they would take drugs in the first place.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I am fascinated and curious by that which points out insanity or drug addictions, the inexplicable human behavior – I stop and I breathe – I realize that any point that I create a fascination toward is just a relationship of fear that I have built up based on knowledge and information and as such, I direct myself to breathe and equalize myself to that which I have built a ‘fascination’ toward, ensuring I stop all participation in any form of energetic experience that I have deemed as fascination –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘fascination’ to an energetic experience of extensive fear as adrenaline, as something that ‘I like’ which is not Me really liking such energetic experience as something ‘positive’ but it is who I am as the mind creating a relationship of fascination toward that which I could not understand and was feared instead. Which is how I developed later on fascinations toward the occult, mysteries, ghosts, spiritualism, dead people, and everything that would be usually ‘feared’ due to being labeled ‘insane’ or ‘abnormal’ and defining myself as ‘liking’ that which was not broadly acceptable.

 

When and as I see myself creating an energetic experience of adrenaline when participating with something/someone that I have considered as insane, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me morphing the fear into a fascination thus I stop participating in fear and instead, equalize myself to the physicality of the moment here as breath to ensure I remain here as breath when interacting, reading, hearing, watching anything related to insanity.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that there was something ‘special’ in crazy people wherein I then thought that being crazy was an equivalent to being ‘sane’ in this mad world – crazy people being ‘more free’ and expressive from anything that was implanted as a point to be feared or not done in our society, which is how I would veer toward ‘craziness’ as only a desire to become that in a very moderated way, simply because of knowing that my parents feared crazy people and that crazy people were mostly relegated from society – and as such, me wanting to be ‘special’ in a way for being crazy as a form of positive experience and self definition in he mind.

 

When and as I see myself believing that crazy people were special in a way due to not abiding to the social norms and rules and as such, being ‘out of the programming’ in one way or another – I stop and I breathe – I realize that craziness/ insanity is a word that only points out what we have all been and participated within in our day to day living in this world, and that as such there has been no sanity that we could find within ourselves as humanity as a whole yet.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define people as ‘crazy’ based on what the medical societies would define a person was, which then became a pejorative word to call a person that would be dealing with any form of mental instability.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create my fascinations based on that which I knew would bother my mother, father and family in general, wherein I then veered to become the opposite of everything that I assessed they were ‘all about,’ and this being the beginning of me as the opposition/ rebellious/ antagonistic character that I later on became fascinated with as a point of energetic experience due to how I would identify with people that were insane or the fascination toward drugs as a sense of ‘freedom’ – hence linking ‘freedom’ to insanity/ drug cultures as everything that would be opposed to what I learned was prohibited, unspoken at home which was then ‘restriction/ fear’ linked to insanity and drug cultures among other perverse state of minds that were a taboo within society.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately want to ‘act crazy’ to instigate a point of friction and conflict within my mother, wanting to create some form of distress within her just for the sake of having the power to do so.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deliberately shape, mold and create a personality based on everything which I thought and believed my mother would fear me liking/ becoming, in essence becoming everything that I knew would piss her off, just because ‘I could’ and just because I wanted to instill a point of conflict in her life as the actual evil point that exists within/ as myself as the mind that seeks conflict and friction to survive.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to want to blame my mother for all the fears that I acquired through her, not realizing that I was the one that accepted and allowed such fears to become part of my self definition, and that I continued acting upon them, later on using them as a way to become that which she feared as a point of ‘power’ over her, because of knowing that I could instigate fear within her for being/ becoming or liking things that she mostly would fear or reject. Again, this within the principle of me as the mind only seeking friction and conflict to be able to continue existing as the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to grow up believing that I could understand what an insane people would feel like.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience ‘fascination’ toward the pictures that I saw – not long ago- in an exhibition of a public photography archive of La Castañeda, which was the most ‘famous’ mental hospital here in Mexico City, and these pictures were taken around the 50’s and creating an energetic experience while watching them of fear/ fascination as well as sadness and condescendence while watching these pictures of the people, the place and their drawings.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could deal with insane people easily just because of me apparently being able to ‘understand’ them, which is only me wanting to get close to that which I remember I had to fear/ stay away from while growing up in my family. Therefore

When and as I see myself believing that I am able to understand insane people – I stop and I breathe – I realize that ‘insane people’ can only exist as a definition of people in my mind according to a particular character that people have deliberately become in/as the mind, which is Not who the real being is – thus I ensure that I equalize myself to who and what the being really is in order to not look at the character they are representing and creating a point of empathy Toward the Character, but instead, assist and support myself to bring out/ equalize myself to the Being that is real, that is physically here as an equal. Within this also ensuring that I stop any form of condescendence as a projected victimization toward people that are being considered ‘insane’ nowadays, and believing that they require a ‘hand’ – not realizing that  as long as such beings are not directly deciding for themselves to support themselves first and foremost, I cannot possibly play the savior toward ‘them.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘crazy/ loco’ with a pejorative way to call a person as well as a flattering word to be called as, wherein I had linked first ‘crazy/ loco’ with a reaction of fear that later on turned into a fascination, hence accepting and allowing myself to feel almost ‘flattered’ whenever my mother calls me ‘loca’ which means crazy woman, which is obviously only a nickname that I realize I had reacted to in a positive manner due to how I had defined crazy people as Free from the social conditioning that we are all a part of,  within this

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a point of ‘joy’ toward the deliberately/jokingly exaggerated automated actions that my father would do whenever he’s in a rush and doing things and getting everything ‘done’ as fast as he can, wherein he tends to act a bit aloof and ‘crazy’ which is an aspect I created a fondness toward, like saying ‘hey look that’s where I got it from’  – which is just a point of getting attention for behaving in a particular aloof manner, as a ‘joke’ or humoristic way of being.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a point of identification with my father for his ‘crazy ideas’ lol and as such believing that ‘I knew what  he would go through’ whenever my mother would bring him ‘back to Earth’ and I would take such action as a repression/ suppression, which was at times so – lol – but I then used it as a way to ‘team up’ against my mother and developing an entire personality that I have walked sufficiently on a mind construct which is now pretty clear how the fear/ antagonism toward my mother also carries the words ‘crazy’ as a relationship formed of me presenting traits that my father had, wherein I saw how she would react the same way toward me when I presented myself/ spoke in a ‘crazy way’ just to get a kick out of her reacting to our craziness.

 

Lol I remember when riding in the car and talking about aliens/ UFO’s and my father saying that he wanted to be alien abducted and how I would say ‘yes! yes! me too!’ and my father would continue rambling about that and saying how we would both go there and live with extraterrestrial beings etc. etc. and my mother would only say and repeat ‘you are both Really crazy’ and how we would fuel that point of friction and conflict more and more.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘insanity’ as a fear instilling process toward my mother and any other person on the street whenever I want to create a point of conflict/ friction within them, and as such, deliberately doing acts wherein I would get a energetic kick out of doing that which was not ‘normal’ or that I considered wasn’t normal at the eyes of others, hence getting an experience out of ‘transcending’ my own fears toward insanity in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to copy my father’s mechanism of presenting himself as overtly ‘honest’ at times as a means to instigate a point of friction and conflict within my mother, wherein he would exaggerate things to blow them out of proportion so that my mother would react in a restrictive manner toward his behavior and hearing her say ‘(name of father’ you are really crazy’ – lol – and from there forming this condescending experience toward my father like ‘I know what you FEEL like, I’ve been there myself’ – not realizing that I am simply representing the exact same patterns he’s had throughout his life in both anger and a bit of aloofness which I had created as a mix of, precisely, fear and fascination in my mind like a fondness toward him due to what I would also experience within myself as what I perceived was similar to His experience.

 

When and as I see myself being fond of my father’s aloofness and tantrums, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this fondness that I have created toward him can only exist if I continue to see him only as that ‘craziness’ pattern that I became fond of due to standing as a point of friction and conflict that we could inflict within my mother and as such, creating an entire character about this particular experience of retaliating toward my mother due to the inherent friction and conflict I experienced toward her as ‘my mother’ and the corrective-person toward all my personal ‘treats’ that would give me an energetic kick, which was everything that she would judge and ‘go against’ throughout my life, not realizing that all those choices I made were essentially part of the character that I became to oppose everything she would see as acceptable, just to create and perpetuate a point of conflict within me/ my life and hers and call this ‘freedom/ rebelling against oppression’.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold this belief that my father would act aloof/ crazy as a deliberate way to instigate attention and conflict within others, which is nothing else but becoming a character in order to get some attention from others as a point of specialness/ outrageousness which is mostly considered as plain ‘crazy’ or ‘abnormal,’ which I equated to ‘freedom’ and ‘expression.’ From here creating the whole idea that I was a crazy person because I would not want to abide to social norms and I wanted to deliberately instigate a point of shock within people whenever I could as a way to gain attention, recognition, specialness, uniqueness, the ideal ‘free being’ type of expression which was all linked to this entire construct of initially having feared insanity, then using it as a way to instigate conflict in others which would give me an energetic experience in the mind that would confirm: I am a crazy person/ I am abnormal/ I am special/ I am misunderstood/ I do not fear breaking the rules – and all this ‘antagonist/ rebellious/ black sheep’ character that I became throughout my life in my family and environment in a very moderate way, but very ‘ingrained’ as ‘who I am.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience of adrenaline whenever I would do something that was deliberately ‘outrageous’ just for the sake of triggering a reaction within Others – which points out how if I had no people around me to instill a reaction within, I would have mostly not played out these characters at all as there is no point in acting like that whenever I am alone – hence realizing that everything that I created of myself as a ‘crazy character’ was just a way to get attention, be opposed, step out of the rules, be perceived as free and expressive and mostly instigate a point of conflict within my mother.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having desired to keep this specific way of being that can be labeled as ‘crazy’ and a bit autistic at times when being alone or walking through the streets whenever I want to protect myself from any potential threat – due to being alone/ walking alone – and present myself in a particular way wherein I expect people to believe that I am crazy and that I am ‘not worthy’ of assaulting or robbing as in me being deranged or possibly dangerous toward them.

When and as I see myself going through the streets and wanting to deliberately present a physical expression of being a bit crazy or deranged with certain attitudes like looking at the wall or moving my hands or walking too fast or looking ‘aloof’ in order to protect myself, I stop and I breathe – I realize that these attitudes are stemming from fear – and as such, I direct myself to act, be here and walk as breath without participating in any point in my mind wherein a point of perceived threat is activated when and while walking.

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to not deliberately brush my hair when I had hair as a way to denote ‘look, I am crazy, do not get close’ lol – which became part of the entire eccentric personality later on linked to the artistic character that I’ve also walked within this process.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever look at ‘crazy people’ or even autistic people with a certain ‘fascination’ and trying to understand them/ support them somehow which was an entire experience of fear turned into adrenaline whenever this happened, which I equated as fascination, becoming only a mind fixation of sorts due to the fear that I actually experienced toward them and transforming that fear into a fascination which in no way is it in fact assisting and supporting myself and others to step out of our fears, prejudices and definitions toward one another as physical human beings and within this, supporting  ourselves to stop existing only as characters that we’ve become in the mind, and instead focus on supporting one another to become physical living beings.

 

I realize that all of this is knowledge and information that served only a single purpose: to limit myself within a particular energetic relationship and experience as the mind, instead of equalizing myself as the physicality that we all are as human beings. Thus

 

I commit myself to stop all self-definitions as an energetic imprint within me linked to insanity/ craziness/ aloofness that I have linked to a point of freedom and apparent ‘fascination’ within the understanding that it all stemmed out of fear and familial relationships linked to reactions in the mind. Thus, I equalize myself as the physical here wherein no definitions can exist as ‘who I am’ or ‘what I like’ – but simply assisting and supporting myself to be and become the actual living-being that I am and that stops energetic experiences toward words, pictures and memories that are related to the ‘insanity’-fascination character.

 

I commit myself to continue debunking this point of insanity as fear as a point of apparent ‘fascination’ as only one of the aspects that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become as a character in the mind, which is nothing else but an energetic self-definition that only feeds the entire personality of ‘who I am’ as the mind. Thus, I walk this process in order to stop any form of ‘minute’ experiences that I have linked to this particular character of insanity-fascination and support myself to equalize myself as breath, as the physical that I am in reality.

 

In the Equal Money System there will be education based on understanding how the mind functions, in order to be able to direct and educate all beings to correct any predisposition to veer toward the acting out of the mind instead of the physicality. The patterns will be able to be corrected as a physical process with specific support and assistance to also deal with anyone that may present any form of mental instability that could represent an actual threat to the community/ society.

 

Further support:

 

From the Book: 

Equal Money – Future of Money – Volume 1

 

Interviews:

 

Blogs:


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