Category Archives: scepticism

372. Desteni Insider: Mind Control and Brainwashing

“The world is in reverse” is the premise to consider whenever the Desteni Material is approached and that is because you are going to face your own brainwashing to the utmost degree, up to the point wherein the ‘you’ that has been occupying the body that you are living in will be stripped down to the core to see what is of real substance and what has been only the byproduct of the endless indoctrination and conditioning within a world-system wherein fear conducts the way toward happiness, light, love, success and an elusive freedom. Reading the first words again “The world is in reverse” means that we haven’t even yet pondered why we seek all these ‘great and good things’ without realizing that such desired experiences indicate that we are by default existing in the exact opposite: sadness/depression, dullness, hate, failure and enslavement. The Orwellian state of the world is the premise one could use from popular culture to understand that such perversion of words is not limited to governments or any other corporate institution that seeks to make the most profit by selling the abuse of life with smiles and frequent client rewards, it has become the foundation of our very own vocabulary as the words that we claim we “live” without genuinely understanding what such verb in fact implies within a reality that is intricately designed to abuse and harm all life in order to continue supporting the schizophrenic concept of ‘living’ that we are enduring at the moment. Yes, it’s being endured without pondering why is life such a struggle, why do we have to strive to make a living, and the point that I will focus on within this blog is the righteous act of wanting to revolt and blame the system for how things have come to be due to our so-called education process where we learn the best ways to dissociate ourselves from the realization of who we are as part of a collective organism that will create reality according to the nature of the thoughts we have in mind. It’s clear that such separation has turned to be the mirror reality we try to avoid and recognize as our own reflection.

 

Continuing from:

What you are in your mind won't pravail - wake up

What you are in your mind won’t prevail, wake up! (2009)

 

It is interesting that the Desteni Material and all of us involved in applying the principles at Desteni have been called out for being a ‘thought reform group’ or ‘mind control cult’ and any other form of slander which, according to the necessary premise on how ‘the world is in reverse,’ it is actually a good thing since that means that we are genuinely breaking the status quo of what has been accepted as ‘healthy thinking and behavior’ because we certainly such thinking processes have led us ( k )nowhere but evolving the ways with which to abuse life and each other in the name of greed. What I have done throughout my participation within the Desteni group is to learn how to investigate all things and keep what’s best, which is placing everything we’ve ever known under the magnifying glass to see whether the education at home, in schools, in society, in our relationships, in the words that we speak genuinely stand as the tools words are to create a world that is best for all.

We shouldn’t even require to confirm that none of the ways in which we have ever lived have been supportive for all of us as human beings, otherwise the world would have already been a place that is genuinely best for all and our reality as our creation is an irrevocable proof of that. Some of the misinformation propagated by the Desteni antagonists claim that we ‘segregate’ ourselves from humanity, from our families and friends, from our reality by being submerged in an individual process where we forgive ourselves for accepting all the lies and deception that we were taught as ‘how things are’ and the relationships based on self interest that lead us to become the predictable patterns that keep the world as is– what a disgraceful behavior, isn’t it? To self forgive every single aspect of our separation from our living realization of how everything we have ever been has been a lie since it has never given birth to life.

 

 

If anything it should already be a matter of concern that we all know that the education system is not working, that parents don’t even know how to educate their children, that our authorities stand as examples of how to get to be the most ‘powerful and successful’ individuals by being the most corrupted version of ourselves as personality profiles that are accepted, allowed and endorsed in a world-system that is founded upon abuse – yet! If one begins to understand principles that consider Life in Equality, genuine Self-Respect, Honor, Integrity and the consideration of Life as the one and only real value that exists, one is called out for being ‘brainwashed’ or ‘mind controlled’ or attempting to introduce ‘communism’ which is just another word like the bell to Pavlov’s dogs to ‘instantly’ react to it and expecting security and a sense of comfort as the reward by defending the right to be ‘free to be a capitalist,’  without even understanding what the words they are reacting to in fact mean.

 

The main problem we have realized is to what extent words as equality, collectivism, dignity, respect, integrity and so on are as vacuous as can be, simply because there have been no living examples in humanity that stand as such  living words – Jesus was one of the few and then was turned into a religious effigy to obfuscate the genuine fact that he was a man that lived the physical common sense meaning of such words. As humanity we have become the example of what it is to intellectualize and even deify living examples of what it is to live in self-respect, to live self-forgiveness and the willingness to be in the service of life itself which doesn’t only entail human to human interaction, but toward every single particle of what is here as part of ourselves, as the life we have hijacked in the name of power and control and within doing so, mining our own home that we’ve been trashing for far too long now.

 

(2011)

 

When facing one’s own brainwashing one can distinctly realize that every single word we’ve been taught and consequently “lived” has been part of the necessary deceptive mechanisms to keep this flawed, corrupted and vile condition on Earth, a collective acceptance and allowance of distrust, lies, abuse and adopting any form of contract to settle ownerships upon reality for the sake of buying and selling, no matter how much harm such processes inflict upon life as long as one’s own survival is secured.

 

Brainwashing and Mind Control are terminals of the same function within which we have all accepted and allowed ourselves to live in this world basing ‘who we are’ on ideas, beliefs, perceptions, feelings, emotions, imaginations, future projections and an innumerable amount of memories that we go collecting and layering as ‘who we are’ throughout our lives with which we form our identity, the ‘self’ that we Think ourselves to be – is it, really?

 

This is the main point one face within and throughout the Desteni I Process, which is the necessary process to walk through when one realizes that all of this understanding needs to be applied at an individual level to see where we stand within it and how to practically lay out the solutions that we ourselves can write and cross reference with other people that are doing this same process with themselves, so that the development of Common Sense as the living application of acting, thinking and doing what is best for all is established as the foundation of the living self that we commit ourselves to be and become once that we realize that yes, we cannot trust the foundation of who we are as the ego that was bred to re-enact the same patterns of self-abuse, we must change it and this won’t come with a simple realization or a few positive thinking statements – not at all, because everything that we have become is in essence the accumulated history of humanity turned into the most convoluted forms to ensure survivalism, self interest and enhancing individual traits that have created the current alarming state of the world as is right now which is on the verge of self-destruction by our own thoughts and hands.

There is nothing more beneficial that can exist nowadays but to walk this process that consists of a fundamental self-investigation on and about everything that exists within and as all levels of our mind and reality to see who we really are within it all and how we can instead direct ourselves to integrate living patterns and habits that can be beneficial for ourselves and everyone equally; this is what I have realized is the only way to generate a living society in conjunction with the understanding and integration of the physical laws into the new equation necessary in this reality to  actually create a world that is best for all. Where is the point of abuse or ‘brainwashing’/ ‘mind control’ within this all? I would like to ask someone to explain to me because I see nothing else but the common sensical and honorable directions that if embraced by each individual on this world, we would have a New Earth without a problem – and this is where Self Responsibility comes in.

 DSC00343

(2003)

Throughout these 5 years walking with the Desteni group and practically applying/living the living principles promoted such as Self Honesty, Self Forgiveness and the consideration at all times of that which is Best for All to implement within and without of myself, I have been able to break-through the main patterns in which I had kept myself complacent to the system, including the personality-traits in relation to ‘wanting to change the world’ without first understanding that such change must be first self-directed at an individual level. To me it was common to spot the ‘flaws’ within the world system or people’s behavior, but I always used to take the righteous stand of ‘I am right and you are all dead wrong’ – I had to go through a personal scrutiny to realize that I also had been brainwashed and had accepted such brainwashed stance as my own mind control of ‘who I am’ and ‘what I must be.’ Only throughout time I have been able to look back and see how within the particular path I had chosen in terms of my career on visual arts, my particular behavior and stance toward humanity – which was mostly that of superiority toward the ‘brainwashed’ and ‘sheeple’ in humanity – I was on my way to become the usual dissident within the world system, the kind of person that would be protesting on and on about how wrong things are while diving myself into the usual suffering-despair of how ‘No one is going to change, so let’s just live our lives the way that we want to, because we can’t change anything anyways’ and ultimately losing any ability to discern the potential of the capabilities I had but begun tampering with dreams of escapism, evasion of reality and enhancement of personality traits veering toward more ‘spiritual solutions’ rather than considering the physicality of the problem I was witnessing in this world, my world.

 

This particular personal stance of opposition, dissidence and antagonism went on to extremes wherein I was aiming at having nothing to do with the system, only focusing on pursuing my personal interests and becoming an individual that is well known for producing ‘nice pictures’ and get great money out of that – that’s all that I had reduced myself to in my belief that ‘we are doomed, there’s no way out of this system’ and within that using my own self-talk to justify such stance and position –hence the main topic of my art being mostly that of self destruction and emotional states that I thought were ‘the real me’ and it was, until I literally took off the blindfold when I got to Desteni.

 

DSC01838

(2007)

 

Amidst a general sense of despair, hopelessness and apathy toward politics or anything having to do with the structure of the system, I moved myself out of any attempt to ‘make it’ in the system within the false belief that I was going to be able to do things ‘my way’ and never again have anything to do with that which I came to despise: the world system, humanity, money, politics and social sciences, economics… It was truly a tantrum the one I was living in right before getting to Desteni, yet it seemed very normal to others in my reality within the acceptance and allowance of my self-proclaimed belief that I was ‘beyond’ that, and that my inner-truth was to express through something more ‘meaningful’ like art where I could be ‘in touch with my emotions.’ Yes, believe it or not, that was me and it can be read in a very palpable way in the very first years of my process wherein a single moment with myself alone still felt filled with  a mixture of anxiety, depression, sadness, despair, helplessness and hopelessness turned into a victimized state of how ‘the world is a shitty place and there’s nothing I can do about it.’

 

It has only been in the past 3 years that everything started becoming more clear in relation to how our particular personalities are the perfect locks wherein we get so entrenched in our beliefs and ideals that we neglect almost everything that does not ‘fit’ with our self-religion, where we can guarantee the maximum ability to ‘enjoy life’ and keep augmenting our egos to ensure a safe spot in the concrete jungle where survival of the fittest means having a successful living – well, in my case it meant: do whatever you can to not be in the system, forget about everything that is evil in the world and rather promote a form of benevolence that can make people feel better, at least for a moment. This also implies doing things that according to my point of view then meant ‘challenging the system’ like smoking weed and making statements wherein I considered that I was ‘challenging the powers/the system’ and inciting people to ‘explore the spiritual realm’ in a desperate move to simply ignore reality and seek for some ‘greater meaning out there.’ Little did I realize then that what I was in fact doing was giving up on myself, seeking for something ‘greater’ to just do the work for us and not have to take responsibility for the hideous reality that I could ‘not bear to live in any longer,’ without even knowing what the meaning of ‘living’ in fact is.

DSC01604

(2007)

The easiest way to brainwash people in a similar personality design to mine is to let them believe that they are in fact ‘doing something’ by ranting and raving about ‘the system,’ by calling out the thieves, by protesting, by yelling, screaming and pouting in front of banks/corporations and governmental offices, by creating riots that could ‘disturb’ any form of control that only evolves and escalates due to the ability of the human being to be led by emotional states that are becoming more and more unpredictable, of course leading to more destruction than any form of practical solution. We can see on our daily news how unreliable and unstable the human mind is no matter what position/character in society one plays in – you can be a priest, a world leader, a loving mother or a proficient athlete and kill their partner, children or commit any other form of atrocity when being taken over by their emotions and feelings – all  kinds of atrocities are justified by each one’s acceptances and allowances at a mind level, the mind that we have taken as the immovable premise of ‘our nature’ throughout human history. It is only now that I am able to realize to what extent the profiles of a dissident, a ‘free thinker’ and a ‘willful ignorant’ are just same brainwashed characters in which people are kept well-controlled by the power of their own rage against the machine, holding a similar faith to the most assiduous religious person that somehow we will ‘overcome the evil in this world,’  holding on to the hope that shouting and pouting will ‘bring the powers down’ and create some form of solution – even the so-called ‘alternative media’ are only new mechanisms that aid this control through utilizing ‘new’ ways to approach young people, calling out to revolt, to be angry, to go out to the streets, to ‘challenge the system’ by promoting the legalization of drugs and internet privacy within the belief that such propositions are the only bastions left to ‘regain the power’ and that’s precisely the problem that has happened throughout time: revolutions were never meant to establish living principles in this world, but only a call out to take over the power and turn the tables, keeping the world in exactly the same place – same inequality with new righteous hands in office. The age old saying of divide and conquer has not been fully realized, yet.

 

I have realized time and time again that there is nothing more important right now as an individual in this world other than focusing on actually taking responsibility for ourselves, however such words cause allergy to anyone that gets a kick out of ‘confronting’ the system in all of the ways explained throughout this blog. I can attest how it is only when realizing all my personality traits to evade reality and use this willful ignorance in an eloquent manner led me to mislead myself, my own choices in life, the people I had established relationships with and the evasion of reality that I defended and guarded as having a right to ‘do whatever I want in my life because I was hurting no one’ – this is the mind of the willful ignorant that is looking at the problems, that pretends to understand but when it comes to living a solution that can be of benefit to ourselves, to actually understand the responsibility we have in our hands to stand as an example of ‘the change we want to see in this world,’ all kinds of excuses and backdoors are open to just have a righteous statement to not change, to not challenge that which we have cultivated for so long which is our own ego, our own brainwashing and mind control. This is what I have come to irrevocably realize day by day whenever we approach solutions to the world system which we have through developing various means like the proposal of the Equal Money System which was an entire process that I will also walk and an essential aspect I decided to stand for and as by myself to precisely shed the anti-system skin I was busy turning into a hard veneer to justify my antagonism and antipathy toward ‘the system’ and humanity itself, which I later on understood was only a constant fight toward myself. This is one of the multiple realizations of the simple words you might hear many, many times throughout the Desteni Material: Oneness and Equality, where the Oneness points out the interdependence that we exist as toward each other as the coexistence in this same world and the Equality that is existent at the substance and physical level, yet perfectly concealed with all forms of separation that we have CULTivated in our minds in the form of egos, personalities, cultures, religions, political parties, the very words we use to justify any form of separation and abuse.

Sórdido

(2012)

 

One of the most prominent points I decided to take on within this process was to develop common sense to stand as a voice that proposes solutions, that investigates other solutions and point out why they are not genuine solutions within the ability to spot a point of deception that would in turn only re-create the same patterns of the past instead of genuinely creating a present with a solid realization of the solutions to implement in this world. So I’ve walked from the anti-system character to an individual that first walks this personal process of de-brainwashing through the dissident, the rebel, the antagonist to the system and instead walk a process of self responsibility to understand the problem, to see my direct participation within it and direct the problem toward directive solutions that we can all embody in the form of living principles. This is where I am now and it is certainly something never ever in my ‘wildest dreams’ did I envision myself doing, which is proposing solutions for this world system as it currently exists, placing political statements on a written and spoken manner suggesting ways to learn how to coexist as humanity since I had already agreed to ‘give up on humanity,’ which was really only ‘giving up on myself.’

This process is not yet done, every day, every minutest form of resistance, any movement toward the old patterns of sadness, despair and a giving up can emerge and that is where every moment I decide who and what I accept and allow myself to be. From this perspective the platform that we are developing as a group as Desteni is actually the perfect foundation to establish a solution at a global scale wherein the brainwashing, the problems in this world are understood and directed from within to establish clear directives without, as we learn how to understand the cause of the problem – ourselves, our own mind – and as such learn how to stand one and equal as the system to establish clear solutions without as the world system. This is the one process, the one ‘thing’ I have been the most consistent of within my life that was meant to veer from fad to fad seeking for more elaborate ways to justify my personal inaction to establish solutions – this time I have developed sufficient self-trust to place myself in a position where I can support myself and others to realize the points I’ve explained throughout this Witness blog as I can stand by the words explained here, having stopped participation in primary forms of personal reality evasions like alcohol or any form of drugs to stand sound and clear on a daily basis witnessing myself and this reality as one massive creation to turn into a genuine work of art, and that begins within myself, ourselves.

 

More to come…

 

Thanks for reading and walking with.

 

CaminandoelTripleProceso

Walking the Triple Process (2010)

 
The Revolutionary Character: From Activist, Anti-Politics and Anti System to Self Responsibility
The Elitist Character – Seeking Success and then Antagonizing the System

 

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Blogs and Vlogs on Brainwashing and Mind Control:

355. Activism and Mind Control |
2011 Activism Is Futile
2011 The Zeitgeist Movement: Resistance is Futile
98. Words as Mind Control |
183. Like and Dislike = Mind Control
2008- 21 days of no weed!
Communism stigmatized Equality
217. You Fear Communism? Why would That Be? |
Mind Control VictimsRead all about it! |
Occupy LOVE: New Activist Brainwashing
Occupy Wall Street’s Solution: Equal Money for ALL –
2011 Capitalism is Brainwash: Are YOU Brainwashed?
Earth Day? Please… Common Sense Required
You are what you Can Afford
2012 Money is MIND Control
2012 Gun Culture in America
2012 I Just Want to BE HAPPY – Equal Money? WHY Should I Care?
Sex, Drugs and…College? Hookup Culture
2010 I Use Alcohol on a Regular Basis

263. The Remedy to Stop Addictions

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

How to Develop Common Sense? Desteni Process Support

 

 

And don’t forget to watch The Century of the Self 


220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

Perfect Elitist Enslavement with a belief of Freedom.

A branch of the Elitist Character is being able to form/ mold/ shape your ‘personality’ with traits of Your Choice – lol – which is the choice that money is able to spare when you have your life essentially ‘solved’ to not be begging for money on the streets or working and actually ‘earning your money.’  I’m going to be writing about what came to be a mix of an elitist-intellectual-revolutionary/antagonist/libertine character that was mostly sought to be ‘lived’ within my life through and as this kind of fascination to become ‘acculturated’ in the drug scene. Yes, in common sense, a person that is barely able to make money to live cannot possibly suddenly be trying to be fascinated by the effects that chemicals create inside your body, trying to reach some form of bliss/ enlightenment with particular substances, read books and information about it, watch movies on the topic or just hold on a continuous habit of indulging in them, which obviously requires one to have More money than the required to Live in order to pay for pills/ drugs to make You Happy. This is depicted quite well in a book by Brett Easton Ellis Less than Zero.

 

I went to the supermarket yesterday and noticed three guys being quite excited about getting a bottle of Jack Daniels while overhearing one of them saying ‘this place should be run by someone like my dad,’ complaining about the ‘slowness’ of the service to get the bottle, which was barely a 3 minute wait. I could imagine/project or almost predict their entire evening with a bottle of Jack Daniels, most likely ending up puking it out on the toilet, feeling like shit the next day and going with a massive hangover to their top-elitist university nearby. Yes, this is a ubiquitous pattern nowadays, a ‘lifestyle,’  and no it is not criticizing or judging it, this is what we have become: once you have money to cover your basic needs, You SEEK for something more than surviving – because that is already covered.

 

So this is an aspect of the elitist character, because there are many other conditions that lead to drug consumption, which is also the opposite polarity of poverty, which you can read her Huffing makes me Forget My Tummy Aches” based on the street kids that sniff cement or glue in order to mitigate hunger – as well as the toxic paint Romanian kids would sniff in that documentary that I also recommend watching if you haven’ Children Underground. That’s another point to walk in itself, but what I’ll share is from the perspective/ side I got to live in and be most ‘acquainted’ with – so to speak.

 

Drug Culture

I made up a conclusion of why Black Metal/ Death Metal brewed mostly in Scandinavian countries – later on in a then flourishing/stable America – that have the best and most stable economy and general well-being, in which I created a hypothesis that because everything was just ‘too fine’ and ‘happy’ in their world, they had to create some form of opposition to balance out the dread of having everything being seemingly fine inside, but the hell inside was not sorted out, as well as becoming aware of the obvious disparity it is to live in a ‘First world’ like that and having wars, poverty, starvation, abuse in any other place in the world;  yes, it is enough to already label us all Mad people to not see the obvious polarized ‘nature’ we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.  This is a similar point in our capitalist societies wherein we are absolutely living in a virtual world wherein things like Depression and Social Phobia have become a lifestyle – and I realize it’s not only a past-century thing, it’s always existed in humanity and the ‘crazy’ people were mostly out skirted in order to not cause any problems to the so-called healthy rest of the population – you can read that in ‘Stultifera Navis’ the First Chapter in Michel Foucault’s Madness and Civilization: A History of Insanity in the Age of Reason. (1988) wherein madness was certainly something that should be kept ‘away’ – nowadays, we’ve embraced it and called it a lifestyle fueled with designer drugs. Wow, really, wow. And why? Because Drugs = Addictions = Constant and Certain Profit Making = Lots of Money.

All of this is mixed into a cultural set of identification to a form of escapism due to how Alienated we’ve become from any form of actual understanding of how everything that enables life to be Lived is produced, what it is to work on our own sustenance. Instead we have focused on and then focusing on things that will give you a mental high in the comfort of your 4 walls room, which is how the majority of people are living as in this world.

I remember when going to the family doctor when I was a child, he would always have all these pens, notepads, rulers, sticks for your tongue and virtually everything plastic made around the area had names of medicines on them. I am sure you are quite aware of this and I questioned it at the time and my mother explained how the companies would give the doctors money/ commissions if they would sell a particular brand of medicine. I took it as normal since it was quite obvious that we were being sold many things all over the place, so it seemed when simply becoming aware of all the billboards on the streets and the suggestive ways in which to BUY our happiness, our health, our improvement, our sanity.

 

This morning I began hearing more than watching The Marketing of Madness  and I say I begun because I’ve barely gotten to the 3rd part out of 18, but as I was hearing, all this entire network of information was suddenly here for me to realize that I must now write about this. Why? I have had a strange fascination for drugs and madness and this goes as far as when I was a little girl and they would joke-threat me to take me to the Batán, which is/was the most well known mental hospital in a smaller city nearby where I lived. Why? I just liked playing crazy, it became a form of entertainment that’s for sure, it was something staged in order to attract people’s attention, well to freak out my parents and sisters mostly.  To me insane people were quite ‘free’ according to my schemes, which is what mostly fascinated me – why? Hell, All I know is that from the moment I got cable TV – as I’ve mentioned several times in the past, it was the ‘opening of myself to the world’ at the key-point age of 7 years old, I was more aware of the eccentricity of musicians and I would definitely always hear around the house how ‘artists take drugs / get high to look so careless/ free/ expressive’ which is what to everyone’s eyes would Justify their behavior as ‘careless’ = free.  Before that, just playing ‘crazy’ was something that could give me a thrill for doing something ‘out of the ordinary’ which I’ll open up in posts to come.

 

This is quite an extensive topic that I’ve been writing about here and there throughout this process, but it’s been not that long ago when I was busy with some other character that this entire insanity-point came up again, along with realizing the fascination I had with certain ‘alternative cultures’ based on what I grew up reading, watching on TV, learning from ‘artist’s biographies’ of how most of them had some form of insanity, drug addiction or plain disturbance, which is how I almost lead myself to touch upon those fields within a self-aware act of investigating madness and drugs, then defining all of this to be of my preference/likeness = self brainwashing. Why would that be? again, for the reason that I had the time, had the money to not be living only on survival mode and explore my own ‘personal fascinations’ for a while, enough time to now be able to write about everything that I saw, witness, tried out and have realized now when it comes to see how everything that I had thought to be quite a ‘rebellious act’ of the type of stuff that I was into/ that I liked, came to be just another polarity in the system that required my courageous fascination with things that I deemed as ‘forbidden’ in order to entertain myself further, leading me then into spirituality/ seeking god and wanting to mix both. I mean I was quite into researching DMT and Entheogens and all these ‘awakening’ procedures as well as the effects LSD had to ‘see beyond the veil’ and whatnot. My experimentation was not to get Lost or evade my reality, but to find some form of ‘divinity,’ lol this is the ultimate mindfuck that anyone can fall for in this world wherein you can buy anything you want, give it a meaning and call that a talisman for protection – same with drugs:  take it, feel good, realize that you re not ‘mad’ or ‘crazy’ but just an ‘Awakened’ person, yep and there you go: specialness + drugs + money + boredom = perfect slaves on drugs – or as Thom Yorke would write ‘a pig in a cage on antibiotics.’

 

Now, the personal endeavor to write about this is because I immediately noticed there were still reactions when hearing all these drug names, all the movies, books, relationships came to mind and I realized that I had not opened this point up mostly as a point of reservedness and morality according to how it would be seen as ‘insane’ to have some fascination for madness and drugs – both together were like a perfect cocktail for self-debauchery, that is quite ubiquitous in our current culture/ media, which is where I got it all from in the first place. Idolizing junkies is precisely not what I would want to continue perpetuating as a fluffy reaction within me – yes, there are feelings attached to this entire topic – why? That’s what I will find out as I continue writing here – a sense of freedom in a constrictive world? A sense of ‘limitless expression’?  As a result of writing out this, I experimented for sure that there are threads to be walked in order to stop keeping this fascination as part of my little-secrets to keep this bit of a world that I still wanted to be defined by, somehow, because of the entire participation in emotions and feeling when touching upon all things madness, drugs, eccentric behavior and the ‘inextricable human mind,’ which is part of my ability to now be quite thankful to Understand my Mind and be aware of how one can virtually pick any point of fascination according to what one is exposed to, and use it only as a constant point to re-fuel an energetic relationship toward it. This entire aspect is one of those parts of a personality that I became quite infatuated with while developing my emotional/ feeling body, so this is relevant, absolutely relevant to walk.

 

So, I’ll continue with going sharing part of the personal story and writing out Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Realizations about such ‘fascinations’ as mere treats for the mind, which certainly must be stopped so that I expose the entire thing for what it is: just another way to entertain ourselves and pay for it while becoming ‘hooked on drugs’ which is virtually getting ‘hooked on Energy’ wherein the Mind is the only one that benefits.

 

Desteni

Desteni Forum 

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process

Equal Money System 

 

Documentaries:

Vlog:

Blogs:

Blogs on Drugs and Madness:

 

Interviews:


204. Opposing the System: Elitist Act of Irresponsibility

Revolutions and Dissidence as so-called Acts of Goodness while protected by money to keep fueling the same system that’s being opposed.

I was taught to fear the bad/ negative/ evil within both the context of morals as in ‘doing good things’ to be a ‘good person/ good girl’ and also within the aspect of fearing ‘dark entities’/ demons at home. I know this doesn’t sound something ‘usual’ but I was brought up more within a belief in the afterlife and a ‘white light brotherhood’ than anything Christian/ Catholic like churches and the bible etc., masses on Sundays or anything like that. This was all based on a bad experience my mother had when she was in her nun school and found a priest having sexual intercourse with a nun. The rest is history – I got to know of that story in a watered down version as a child, being old enough to realize the scam that the church was. Being religious in this country as in any other is a matter of ‘belonging’ and so I also had my phase of wanting to be ‘good’ and ‘fit in’ with the rest of the people, mostly because of the school I went to, which was a Jesuit one – great education, bad idea trying to play good and benevolent when attending the masses, in the end it just turned into a spiteful game I played toward all things catholic-church-the pope etc. and creating an entire personality about it that I have walked through in the past as well.

I would question a lot why the hell on Earth was the Vatican so filthy rich having gold all over while priests were supposed to have some ‘poverty vow’ or something – as well as a ‘chastity’  and many other flaws that I felt just perverted by even seeking to get a second hand communion paper because I believed that I had to have such paper in order to be able to feel good about having some form of sacrament other than baptism. And this became just another ‘stand point’ for me to simply begin pursuing being ‘good’ at my own terms. I liked the idea of god not being bound to a stone and rock temple/ houses like churches, it really seemed quite bogus to me to believe anything the church said for that matter like the Adam and Eve story which was nothing else but a similar story to white snow and the seven dwarfs to me for that matter, I just ‘tagged along’ to not question it too much – not to say that I once did try and learn ‘Catholicism’ in those lessons given to children my age (around 9) within my attempt to be a ‘good girl’ and dropped out after the first class, lol.  I also did it because of my friend’s family being very devoted and so, I didn’t want to be a ‘heretic’ as I was usually called as well at home sometimes, which was fine. I mean, I grew up in a house where you could not spot one single cross on the walls or on people as in ‘necklaces’ or earrings etc. as it was plain ludicrous to see a gory Jesus-look alike dummy figurine nailed to a wooden cross as a sign of any benevolence, I was in fact mostly haunted by any images I would encounter like that in people’s homes – lol even holograms – you know those images that change when you move from side to side – of Jesus shedding blood on the cross, bizarre kitsch shit to say the least, which is probably what religion has become, nothing but a merchandising fan base wherein having a button that says you’re the member of a club makes you feel in any way ‘special.’ To me seeing crosses in people’s houses was something similar to what for a Christian would be like to see a satanic symbol, not to mention that my white/light community made me stop wearing one of those David star symbols because it was apparently ‘not good’ lol– but that’s just how I grew up.

I seriously never got the point of him dying for our sins and I only now get the whole picture thanks to the Crucifixion of Jesus interviews that, I must admit, I began listening to with my left overs of ‘skepticism’ toward the whole Jesus story, only now realizing to what extent I was also wearing the ‘atheist coat’ for that matter, to abdicate any form of responsibility toward this institutionalized existence of good/ evil.

 

And so, the context I grew up with was obviously being overtly open about my criticism toward religious ‘authorities’ within my standard of ‘I am a good person because I ‘’unmask’ the lies and the false preachers of god.’ However, I was following a belief as well, about there being these light beings that were here to help me and my loved ones to ‘make it through’ in our lives, and ‘give light’ to the entities at home that would ‘lurk around’ from time to time. Lol, we were absolutely oblivious back then how the Earth was all Demon-based.

So that’s how I was so righteous boasting against the church, because I had my ‘true faith’ and ‘verified’ by these seemingly ‘heaven sent’ solutions to our lives in times of distress – I mean, I’m talking about stuff like my sister losing a watch – an ‘expensive gift’ in her 15th birthday – and these mediums/ light beings whatever suddenly making it appear underneath the couch  – and so there were all of these things that were always consulted with them in order to ensure that we remained with our ‘safety’ at home, that we were always ‘supported’ by these seemingly invisible beings that would care for us enough to always ‘be there.’ However, how it all started crumbling down when bad stuff happened, and we were left questioning: well, where the hell is our security? why did that happen? we are good people!’

 

See the trivial aspects of all of this? the narrow-viewed of what my reality consisted of? Only ensuring that WE as my family remain safe/ secured and using any form of god/ heavenly support as a way to also feel safe/ secured which meant what? Everything was done out of FEAR. The same with how I would feel so ‘righteous’ to boast about the ‘falseness of catholic church’ which was only possible if I had my so-called ‘security’ in place from what I believe was the ‘true source of power’ / true god in this world as these light beings and this channel-based congregation that I would not even attend to on a regular basis, but twice or three times a year only. However we would only blatantly use them whenever we were in trouble. This is how I grew up with lots of fear as well, because I was taught how one could ‘pick up’ other beings’ ‘bad energies’ and become them, which is the absolute easy way to project any form of Self-Responsibility for what WE Experience within ourselves in our minds.I was also taught that I had to ‘protect me from envious people’ and that’s also another source of anxiety, constantly checking up people around me and fearing – more like backchatting about them apparently being against me and at some point it was as if ‘everyone against me’ and the delusion grew quite big as a constant point of conflict, which I later on knew it is mostly something that we all have as human beings that exist as the condition of survival in this world, which is obviously stemming from how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live in a world configured to Only support some, and wherein being ‘out in the world’ would feel like being in a dog-race that I simply had to ensure I would always win –for what? Safety, happiness, success, fulfillment- as I have explained in the previous blogs. 

 

And so, in my righteousness, I only became part of the ‘opposition’ like the same type of disposition that people that call themselves ‘Spiritual’ boast out about Religions – mostly Christianity/ Catholicism –  so in that, I was already way ‘prepared’ to become a spearhead of any form of spiritual light and lovish movement wherein as I’ve explained various other times here in my blog, I wanted to end up creating my own religion, lol. Which is how I investigated quite a lot and the points that I would always end up seeing in common were yes, oneness, equality, the universe, chemical marriage, life – but all seen from this super fluffy furry perspective that I could get a positive kick out of, never really placing 1+1 together to in fact SEE and get to understand This World System, but only as another personality later on in my life of being the ‘informed citizen’/ member of the world, which was mostly an intellectual aspect linked to spirituality and making a concoction of these two with which I would feel quite proud of, having a mouth full of opinions without even daring to look at my own reality, as an individual and my participation within the delusional system that I was so happy criticizing and judging all the time, and I mean this: All the time. Quite the way that many of our current detractors and main critiques at Desteni spend their days as well, finding flaws outside of themselves due to the blatant resistance that is not being considered within common sense even: what you resist, persists and so, eventually the game of seeking ‘the bad guys’ outside of oneself becomes a rather sleazy way to abdicate Self Responsibility. I am glad I’ve stood up from this and realized that there is no point in opposing the system/ others, but rather Understanding the system, educating ourselves to see Why Religions exist, How it is that we would have actually been long-gone if a form of apparent ‘control’ was not existent such as the religious authority/ god beliefs that at least were able to create a bit of a ‘stop’ to our inherent human nature.

I can’t believe how much I’ve learned in the past months and all of this is thanks to letting go of anything I ever believed to be real, of course, and rather listen to the explanations as all the interviews published at Eqafe.

And to all of this: what did I Fear all this time? LOTS. Did I Ever even considered facing my fears? No way, ‘why would anyone want to do such a thing??’ – So, this was part of the aspect of how one tries to do good/ be the one that ‘unmask the false gods’ while only really wishing to benefit me, me and only me within it all, never really placing an eye onto ‘them’ and realizing I am ‘them’ as well – hell no, that would have stopped my battle against them, which is what our mind thrives one: friction and conflict – And so this is how I lived within myself and toward my world and reality,  until I encountered Desteni.

 

Continuation of the Elite Character

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define my ‘goodness’ based on acts that were mostly viewed as ‘supportive’ within society, such as helping others, cultivating one’s own self-image to succeed In this world wherein I learned I could later on just ‘give a helping hand’ to those in need, instead of actually having investigated why were people with money mostly considered as ‘good people’ and people that were poor were treated like criminals, wherein I then feared everything that I could have no control of, such as seeing poverty on the streets or people going crazy due to not having any form of support and instead of allowing me to understand how they had become such beings that I would react in fear to, I simply neglected them and considered that I simply had to continue ‘my path’ and worry about my own fulfillment and not feel ‘bad’ about others – wherein within this idea of me not having to ‘feel bad’ about others, I accepted it as it being ok that I do not give ‘much thought’ about poverty/ crime/ corruption in this country because I would simply go into anger instead of understanding- which is how I simply decided to ‘stick to the positive’ in order to no ‘affect me’ in my personal life by knowing how things actually worked.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my goodness as in placing myself within a righteous position of being able to boast and criticize ‘the church’ mostly as a corrupt institution, generating even hatred emotions toward the organization and the authorities in it, without ever realizing that I was only judging them for what I had been taught they did as ‘mean people/ bad intentioned people’ while I never even questioned why it is that it wasn’t ‘bad’ or ‘mean’ to only seek for my own protection and well being  – as well as that of my family – creating an idea of myself as in doing some form of ‘justice’ in the world by ‘exposing the truths,’ without realizing that doing such form of activism as an opposition to religious authorities would mean nothing as I was absolutely unaware and ignorant of how the world system worked, and thus, created actually a relationship toward all things religious as a form of love and hate wherein I sought to ‘do good’ but in my own terms, which became then still seeking some form of power and grandeur outside of myself in the form of a religious belief that I could feel satisfied about – in this belief, never considering how I could for example, implement a system, a way for us all to stop living in fear and stop seeking to secured and having any form of ‘divine privileges’ but instead focus on solutions that could provide a dignified living for all, which reveals to what extent I was only busy seeking a self-enlightened interest, becoming some form of ‘liberator of society’ based on opposition, criticism, bashing toward the so called ‘evil’ as the church and other institutions, such as the government- never really seeing the ‘big picture’ of it all and how my opposition was also part of the necessary ‘balancing acts’ within the system to make it seem as if there was any real actual way of being able to ‘overcome it’ by force/ by opposition/ by revolutions – which has never been successful and should had already been proven as a useless way of trying to ‘make a change’ in this world, however it is still being worn as a nice ‘activist suit’ by many, that are living in protected ways by money/ house/ education, playing the ‘revolutionary intellectuals’ that in no way lead to a solution that is applicable and tangible toward this world. In this

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to identify myself with ‘like minded people’ that would perceive ourselves to actually ‘care’ about the world/ society by opposing, dissecting, criticizing and even ridiculing people in positions of power and authority – specifically people in government, media and popes – wherein I would get a positive kick out of being able to ‘bash them’ because of still having my ‘true god’ as a belief within me, which makes you ponder how we can only ‘boast’ and ‘bash’ and ‘oppose’ something or someone if there is a point of security one is holding on to – whether a belief, money or a relationship – it is all based on survival.

 

And so within this I realize to what extent this entire personality of being like the benevolent ‘libertarian’ was based on having a position to always be supported with, which is actually stemming from the money that exists as the fuel to this entire system based on slavery – which means I could in no way claim innocence/ being a good person by opposing the so called evil – and also realizing how it was fueled by a desire to be and become this ‘important person’ in society that would ‘free people’ within the starting point of opposing others/ bringing down certain powers in society, which indicates the level of ignorance really, lack of understanding how reality works which is how and why he Desteni material is the most important process of human education that All human beings should be exposed to.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within the security and comfort of ‘having what I need to live,’ create a point of conflict in my reality such as wanting to ‘unmask the false preachers of god’ as the catholic church mainly wherein I wanted to ‘do good’ based on implementing my own idea of what ‘the real god/goodness’ was all about, which was yet another belief that I simply had accepted as a ‘purest form’ of the divine – being spiritual – and within this righteousness generate a relationship of hatred toward religious institutions wherein I believed that I had to be the one that would ‘speak the truth,’ without realizing how I only felt ‘strong enough’ to speak up because I would still have my ‘basic security’ as family/home/ money which enabled me to not worry to oppose the system, being quite ignorant as to how everything that I was judging is Also myself and is an aspect of myself as humanity that I am one and equally responsible for.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that creating a form of vengeance toward the system would make me a ‘good person’ like a hero that at the end of the day creates this fantastic heroic act of any concept of ‘doing good’ while missing out all the forces that are actually creating such ‘evil’ in this world, which is in fact beginning with ourselves and our own thinking processes and emotions/ feelings wherein we have been absolutely obvious about as human beings, only focusing on solutions ‘out there’ and never looking within ourselves, which is how the moment that we become aware of how our mind works, we immediately – if self honest enough – stop criticizing and judging and separating ourselves from everything and everyone in this world through a relationship of oppositions, as we understand how such point of ‘opposition’ was created, for what purpose, what was the intended reaction from human beings toward such point of ‘control’ and how I tis possible for us to stand up from it Without creating further opposition/ wars/ conflict of any form of vengeance or claiming ‘injustice’ because, we have to blatantly self honest with ourselves first, to clarify our starting point of any single time/ moment wherein within this self-righteous benevolent act of ‘doing good by bringing  the bad guys to justice’  we neglected our own participation in the very processes that fuel and lead to the entire world system as I tis, as the most vilest human creation that we have abdicated our responsibility from, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not see how I was in fact fearful about that which I opposed and that my act of ‘opposing’ the system/ the church/ institutions and constantly finding flaws in it, only lead me to a position of feeling disempowered-  and I repeat FEELING disempowered because I in fact was still being supported in order to remain within a physical security such as having money to eat, education which I used as a platform to ensue this ‘opposition’ without any point really, but making myself seem ‘righteous’ and ‘common sensed’ without being self honest about my reality, which implied that I could only take this vantage position of ‘revolting’ by denying the very system I was feeding myself from. Thus, missing out the entire ‘point’ of any form of change in this world and in fact, using this ‘righteous citizen/ person that cares’ character as a way to further neglect Looking within myself, my true desires to actually be in a position wherein I could live well and continue opposing the system as that which I learned from elitist academics, that I wanted to form a part of: intellectualizing revolutions, theorizing society in order to propose further ‘solutions’ only on ink and paper-  while earning good wages with it through writing or teaching at school. Thus I see and realize how my initial desires of ‘doing good’ were obviously not unconditional, but well planned and veered toward an inevitable position of power and even authority in the ‘intellectual world’ while remaining protected with money/ the necessary to live ‘well’ or more than well if possible.

 

I realize that self interest is always behind any form of ‘doing good’ or ‘justice’ and that we have never in fact been absolutely devoid of self interest to move ourselves to propitiate a change in this world, which is why change has never really existed, and no revolution has even been REAL for that matter. Thus, time to unmask the revolutionary, time to take Self Responsibility first, to see who we are as our own mind, How did we create this opposition toward the system and how it is in our hands that we are able to create an actual solution by living it, becoming it, working as a group world wide and stands as the actual point of Self-Responsibility in Self-Honesty that promotes an Equality system such as the Equal Money System wherein we all learn to be Self Responsible and within that, get equal support within the realization that opposition creates division, creates conflict and ensues wars. Such diatribes must stop – and so we begin with ourselves.

I commit myself to explain and educate myself and others about how within an attempt to ‘oppose the system’ and ‘bring down the bad government’ we are taking the righteous superior position of apparently being ‘innocent’ about the current conditions in this world, which is not acceptable, since there is no point in blaming but understanding the problems and instead of launching wars against each other to obtain the point of power, we can work together to establish solutions which would be in fact using time to our benefit as humanity, considering all living beings – and stopping all forms of separation, division, conflict within any false sense of righteousness and justice to the benefit of ‘some only’ – this is standing for ALL in Equality.

Desteni

Desteni Forum 

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This will continue..

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Blogs:

Have you Seen my Happiness Anywhere? (Part 1): DAY 204

Day 204: After Death Communication – Part 52

 

 

Interviews:

Demons in the Afterlife – Part 1

The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 16

The Crucifixion of Jesus – Part 17


139. The Commitment to #Live the #Words I Speak

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how it is that I have lived only as a ‘spokesperson’ as the limited version of myself, the frightful and judgmental version of ‘who I am’ as my mind, which has never ever supported the expression of life as who I am.

When and as I see myself taking a moment to think my expression, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the words that are here as the expression of who I am as the physical is not to be ‘thought’ and pre-meditated, but to be walked as an actual moment of expression that I can stand as and be accountable for, as it is then words that can testify that which I am willing and deciding myself to be and live as in every moment.

I commit myself to walk myself as my mind, as that point of self-awareness as consciousness to then be in fact able to become aware of myself as the reality of who I am, as the actual ability and capability and potential that I exist as in order to – in every moment – decide to live as that living expression of me as the physical, which implies: no ego Is allowed as no ego can exist in the expression of life in equality, as ego/personality/ any character stands as superior/ inferior in a delusional form of self-abuse toward life.

 

I forgive myself  that I have accepted and allowed myself to  not realize that every moment that I dare to speak as the limited, personalized version of myself as the past of ‘who I as the character that I have become, I am in fact contradicting my decision to live within and as self-honesty in common sense, because I am in one single moment of ‘past-allowance,’ deciding to be the ‘who I am’ as the limited version of myself that is Not standing one and equal as my physical human body, as that which is real and that which functions according to what is best for all at all times.

 

When and as I see myself going into a past-habit of preferences, sayings, movements, gestures and quirks  that I have programmed according to the environment and people as memories in my mind/physical – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am re-enacting/ re-playing a pattern that I have imposed onto the physical that I am here walking as a point of self correction. Thus I allow myself to immediately stop, realize the correction as breathing and instead speaking in common sense, realizing and accepting the point missed in the moment to then in fact be congruent with the words I speak and the actions I participate in reality.

 

I commit myself to be here in every single moment whenever I am in a ‘comfort zone’ as that environment that I have conditioned a particular form of expression to. Within this it is to take such moments as an actual ‘live moment test’ to see whether I am still subject to the environment, people, places or if I am in fact living the absolute decision to at all times be the expression of who I am as the physical in every moment, wherein who I am is and stands as the actual expression of what which I see and realize is what exists as the expression of what I am here willing myself to live and stand as: equality as life as what’s Best for All, as the practical living, written and ‘doing’ process of ensuring I in fact correct the ‘real nature’ of who I am as my mind, as my own ‘configuration’ that I take self responsibility for.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not see and realize how within my mind I created different values that I attached/ imposed to flesh and bones according to how I categorized the various and different expressions that exist here in this planet Earth,  just because of seeing them as ‘other species’ that because they could not ‘speak to me,’ I regarded as inferior and as such, remaining within the specicism ‘high ground’ above everything and even other humans beings, which reveals to what extent each one of us became the weapon of our choice to deploy a war toward ourselves/animals/the environment which is how and why we are currently facing the ‘art of our creation’ as the absolute reflection of every single point of self-separation we accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

 

When and as I see myself creating the slightest distinction between me and every other particle of everything that is here, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this separation can only exist in my mind as thoughts: instead I realize that who and what we are is one and equal from the very beginning, thus there cannot be anything separate from me and that any judgment I create upon anything/ anyone is only self judgment and a point of separation created by me in my mind, which is what I must take self responsibility for to equalize my expression as the physical that breathes and directs itself to support life in equality.

I commit myself to breathe here and when and while breathing, going correcting every single point wherein I see I am detaching/ separating myself from any other expression that is equally here as myself, that I am aware of or even unaware of which leads to also realizing that the thoughts that I cannot see, I must also take self responsibility for and equalize myself as my mind to be able to stand as the directive principle of who I am in my mind at all times.

 

I see and realize that Self Expression is always that which will enable life to be lived and experienced to the utmost potential and that I cannot speak/ express as life without walking the actual road to live the words I write and speak: this is the process of Self Responsibility, Self Correction and Self-Honesty:  the commitment to birth life from the physical

 

I forgive myself that I have ever accepted and allowed myself to use words to harm, abuse, judge others in separation of myself which I see and realize that implies the actual  ‘opening point’ as self forgiveness that I have missed for a long time, just because of not being self-aware of what I did and created as myself as every single word that I expressed in disregard of who I am as the physical body, as the breaths that I take to enable life to continue as my physical body.

When and as I see myself going ‘too fast’ speaking, I stop and I breathe – I allow myself to bring myself back to the physical to instead of saying a word in an ‘automated/fast mode,’ I give myself that moment to realize that the word that I am about to speak defines what I accept and allow myself to exist as in such moment. Thus, I allow myself to be HERE as breath, talking at the pace of the physical without rushing while speaking, as I see and realize that rushing while speaking is wanting to ‘get a point across’ as in wanting to ‘beat/ gain/ make a point’ the fastest way possible due to the previous associations of ‘fast speed = accuracy’

 

I commit myself to give myself a moment to breathe when expressing myself and communicating, to always ensure that I am aware of the words I speak as the ‘picture’ I decide to paint of and as myself for others and myself to see the world through and as me, which implies that I ensure I no longer paint the same picture over and over and over again, filled with lies, self judgment, blame, guilt, remorse, denigration or anger directed without awareness as I see and realize that we have built the world through the words that we have spoken in separation of ourselves as the physical that is and has Always been here, we just have not lived as one and equal as it.

 

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to ever feel ‘righteous’ to ‘speak my mind’ without awareness/ from the starting point of enhancing my own ego, within he belief that ‘I had the right to express myself,’ never really even understanding what Expression is as I had never considered life in the physical as who I am, but only the ‘who I am’ as the ego of the mind seeking to be fulfilled with a positive experience within the consideration that ‘who I am’ must always ‘defend itself,’ never realizing how in this ‘defense mode’ I only created a battle against myself in the inner and the outer

When and as I see myself going into a ‘righteous expression,’ I stop and I breathe, I ground myself/ humble myself again to see and realize that the moment I am wanting to create a ‘higher’ tonality and expression in my words, I am in fact characterizing the words instead of speaking them here as breath, wherein I can ensure that I am the directive principle at all times of the voice tonality, the speed, the presence of myself as words in expression in all ways.

I commit myself to slow myself down when communicating to not want to ‘say it all at once,’ as life is actually a process that goes breath by breathe – thus I equalize myself as the expression of the physical wherein breath by breath I go integrating myself here to be and become aware of every word I speak being in consideration of who I am and who I am communicating myself with to ensure that an actual understanding takes place, as I see and realize that every word that I speak will resonate within another and that I thus must ensure that I can stand by the words I speak indefinitely, and that the only way to ensure this is if the expression coming out of my mouth is here as the expression of who I am in common sense as the physical – this is the process.

I commit myself to breathe before speaking, as the realization that bringing myself here in/ as the physical is the starting point at all times to ensure the communication as the words I decide to express myself as are in fact the representation/ depicting the realization of who I am as the physical within the consideration of what’s best for all, as Life that is yet to be born here in the physical.

Let’s continue walking.

Desteni 

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53: A Clockwork Mindkind–The Evil in Me is the Evil in You

When I watched A Clockwork Orange some 10 years ago, I was amused and fascinated at the same time with the entire story, without precisely knowing why I could rejoice in being witnessing Alex’s and his fellow droogs mischievous acts of random violence. The Fact is that for a long time, I thought that Kubrick had left the story in a ‘sellable’ ending compared to the original story in the book, which ends with a grown up matured and reformed Alex encountering himself with another one of his droogs and recalling the ‘good old ultra violent times.’ That seemed like a ‘right’ and socially redemptive ending that Burgess gave to a story filled with an actual accurate depiction of humanity: Evil, Madness, Violence and Vile-Ends to achieve a sense of power and fun.

 

The idea of ‘Humanity is Evil’ has been a constant thought pattern within me, and I can guarantee it has been within YOU as well. It is now that we are witnessing the real Evil of Man coming out from the gutters that we start pondering if we had held ourselves in high pedestals when it comes to claiming any form of ‘goodness’ and ‘benevolence,’ while the current state of the world can prove we have never in fact really showed any true benevolence that we could hold ourselves accountable for. Even more so, any attempt to ‘do good’ as charities, social services, helping the poor and starving is in fact fueling the same evil machinery that has created such conditions in the first place – and for that you must hear all about it here.

 

“While nothing is easier than to denounce the evildoer, nothing is more difficult than to understand him:” Dostoyevsky

 

We get a sense of pleasure from watching evil – here in México it’s very common to have these yellow-press as we call it which shows gruesome and explicitly gory pictures of people that are murdered, ran over, tortured and savaged in one way or another by fellow humans. That sells a lot – and the same goes for Hollywood and all the ultraviolent movies that leave Kubrick’s interpretation of Alex’s violence looking like an artsy Saturday Morning version of evil.

Now, what’s the REAL point here: We are willing to witness in others what exists within us. You, reader, cannot possibly deny that you have never ever thought of killing someone or committing the most vile act in one fleeting moment of absolute rage and madness, wherein your entire body becomes possessed by this seemingly unstoppable desire to go out and just destroy or kill something/ someone. And I’m being quite general in the description because the point here is to realize that we can only get a sense of pleasure from an apparent detachment from the representation and ‘acting out’ of what goes on in our heads. Hence, Dostoyevsky was rather kidding himself when thinking that we cannot understand evil, because that would be not wanting to know our true-nature. Yes, that’s the basic ‘shocking’ point for anyone that is willing to read and be Self Honest in this world – in fact, as I’ve mentioned in several blogs in the past, one of the key quotes by Bernard that allowed me to witness the reality of this world and remove – slowly but surely- my ‘veil of sanctity and goodness’ was

Self Honesty  is not nice or beautiful” – Bernard Poolman 

And this implies that getting to know yourself as who you really are in Self-Honesty, won’t come up as shining gold dust falling from the skies over your head and angels singing about your perfection – Hell, no. It’s quite the contrary and we’ve reached the time that had been explained back in 2007 within the Desteni material that would take place on Earth in the coming years – yes, we are 5 years from that time and it’s now quite settled and going on with full force. One just has to glance at the news of people committing more ‘vile acts’ even in full and broad daylight – like a man trying to rape a woman in a busy street while she was going out to walk her dog.

 

There is no place to hide and you know why? Because such evil is existent in every single one of our minds.

Denying it is futile, it is the same as talking to yourself and repeating a 1000 times that ‘you are a good person’ which is obviously stemming from the actual fear that we have experienced toward our own ability to exert our Real Nature, which is Evil in its utmost potential. This is one of the reasons why willing to delve into the pit of your own mind takes a lot of guts, as well as obviously making the commitment to stop both the delusional ‘goodness’ and the rawness of the evil nature within. ‘The Killer in me is the killer in you’  – another  piece of lyrics that to me meant quite a literal sense of reality: we cannot deny the fact that we are fully aware of how our Mind Works – yet we suppress it and deny it behind fake faces and fake smiles to pretend that ‘everything is sugar and spice.’ Really?

If we can spot the evil nature of man through our daily news and obvious consequences in this world, why is it so difficult to accept such same nature within ourselves? Is it actual fear of realizing who and what we have become?

I am sorry, Mr. F. Dostoyevsky – wherever in this existence you are – but a man that is willing to know oneself would not pretend ‘not to understand’ his inherent nature.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever deny the real nature of myself as a human being that by default emerged into existence as the result of friction that generated the separation that remained as a constant self-experience of division, antagonism, separation and longing toward the whole that I separated myself from in order to become energy that seeks to be ‘more’ than others, and in that be the primary source and origin of all abuse in this world and existence, for I see, realize and understand that for power and control to exist =abuse must exist.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever be resilient to accept the true nature of myself as the inherent nature of ourselves as humanity as Evil, because of having lived as an idea of being a benevolent being that cares about humanity and life and the environment, and it was ‘impossible’ for me to believe that ‘I’ could ever be ‘a mean person,’ which was simply the way to neglect any form of responsibility that I held toward this reality, simply because of being taught to always ‘do good’ which implies that I had to be educated to ‘tame’ my inner nature of actual evil.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to miss the very basics in common sense wherein: if we had to be trained/ educated/ tamed and indoctrinated to ‘do good’ and be ‘good respectable citizens,’ it implies that the actual nature of ourselves was Never of good, benevolence and actual consideration of each other as equals, otherwise, our education from our emergence into this reality would have been based in simply fine-tuning such ‘benevolent nature,’ and it wasn’t like that – we became the very battle within ourselves through constantly having to place ourselves back in the cage of our ‘do good’ mentality, without having any proper explanation to understand WHY we had to always be fearing ‘the bad’ and ‘the evil,’ which only lead me to create fear toward any bad thought that would come into my mind as a child, fearing my own thoughts, dreams and nature, which I learned to mask very well with smiles, ‘doing good’ and sticking to always thinking on ‘the bright side’ of reality, which caused quite an inner conflict when I would become aware of my own nature.

 

I forgive myself that  I have accepted and allowed myself to find a sense of vicarious enjoyment through watching the evil nature portrayed in films, stories, books, villains of any kind as they ‘dare’ to represent that which has always existed as my own nature, but hid and suppressed it out of fear, out of having been taught to always ‘do good’ and ‘stick to the positive thinking,’ which caused me to then only become a concealer of thoughts that would come up in my head, and fear them, believing that some other ‘bad entity’ was responsible for it – hence fearing all the dark and evil as it caused tremendous anxiety to face that which I was taught to stay away from at all cost.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the belief in god, spirits and guardians as a way to ‘keep me safe from evil,’ which would be the way for me to cope with that which I came to only constantly fear because of following the education of my parents who have also been educated in a way to always ‘fear the evil’ and ‘stay away from being a bad person,’ which is how I simply became fearful of all things evil, avoiding it at all cost and resorting to the comforting thought of god as a means to protect myself from my own mind and thoughts that could come up in any given moment, which revealed the actual nature that I existed as, but denied and suppressed which caused an inner-struggle and fascination at the same time for it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that within ‘thinking positive’ I was actually correcting my real nature as the thoughts that would come up in my head – which now I see and realize is what we have all been doing as  humanity: staying away from the actual nature of ourselves and stigmatizing anyone that would dare to portray the actual evil-nature of ourselves in a blatant and open manner.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a point of fascination toward ‘all things evil’ and malicious at some point because it seemed ‘more real’ to me than the fluffy caramelized version of reality – associated with the pink color – and in that, always wonder WHY I had such a fascination for the rawness of human evil such as serial killers and demon possessions, wars, brutal massacres and everything that could point out that we were able to be evil/ kill others/ do ‘bad things’ that could disturb the world and society, simply because all of it was revealing our own nature.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to keep myself ‘safe’ from ‘evil’ through developing a personality that could be comfortable with seeing ‘the evil’ in others, but never really pondering where and how I was existing in the exact same nature of such evil and how I had repressed it and suppressed it in order to not have to realize the actual reality of myself as my own mind, as who and what I have always been, which is and must not be ‘feared’ but rather walked through a process to ensure that I no longer stand in the pole of being ‘good’ or ‘bad,’ but just a physical being that is able to coexist with others in Equality, which means: the beginning of the separation that instigated the evil in ourselves is able to be stopped and taken to an end with ourselves walking our process of Self-Honesty to ensure that we stop being the cause of evil/ separation and reverse of Life by stopping ourselves from participating in the same mind-set that disregards everything and every other being as one and equal with ourselves.

 

I see, realize and understand that the current evil in humanity is driven as an energetic experience that begins at a thought level – therefore, I ensure that I become aware of every single thought and forgive myself for every single attempt to give head to a thought that implies harm, abuse, desire for power, revenge, superiority and any other form of separation that is only generated the moment that I see others as separate from myself.

 

I see, realize and understand that every-one that is here is myself, and in that, any ‘battle’ that I generate stems from my very own beingness as energy, as thoughts, as a personality that seeks to ‘thrive’ as a mind in individuality – wherein I then take a deep breath and establish my self-directive principle of Life in Equality, as I see and realize that it is only through me stopping all forms of separation at a thought level, that I can begin correcting the inherent accepted and allowed patterns of separation that I’ve imposed onto Life, which has always been here as myself in and as Equality and Oneness.

 

I commit myself to support myself to lay out all that which I have veiled from myself, to not see who and what I have actually become as a mind that exists in separation of the whole – and in that, become the point that stops existing as ‘evil’ as the reverse of life and in that, correct my physically accepted and allowed patterns of separation that can only exist if I give continuation to who I am and exist as within my own mind.

 

“I commit myself to show why and how – the only solution to ourselves, humanity and so this world: is ourselves within ourselves as God/Energy-Authority/Consciousness control of separation, taking responsibility and walk ourselves into and as equality and oneness with and as the physical-body, and eventually this physical existence through and as the process of writing, self-forgiveness and self-corrective application. To, as we stop the separation within, and standing and living absolute equality and oneness as ourselves with and as the physical, we will so stop the separation without, and walk this world/current World-System into and as a System of and as Equality and Oneness, that ensure this world of sacrifice/suffering stop in the name of money, for each to have an equal and one opportunity Life/Living, as we stop the sacrifice/suffering to our own physical-bodies in the name of Energy/Consciousness.” Sunette Spies *

 

For further support: Demonology

Desteni

 

Featured Blog:

 

To Understand the Nature of Evil as Ourselves, Study from day ONE the following blog: Heaven’s Journey to Life 

 


2012 Self Forgiveness: How-To, Why, What, Where, When?

So, I’m watching Desteni videos – I am going one after the other looking for the ‘magic code’ that I can use to essentially deprogram myself now that I’ve understood that we have been preprogrammed Mind Consciousness Systems and we require to do something about it! I definitely don’t want to remain just as another ‘consciousness robot’ that’s not living, but only killing time – What do I have to do? – Where do I find the way out? – What’s the secret?’  these were my thoughts 4 years ago.

Initially I got so freaked out by watching the videos and hearing the words ‘STOP THE MIND’ so many times, that I feared ending up in like a vegetative state. I thought that this process was simply impossible and wondered how on Earth will I go on through my life with ‘No Mind’! I admit here that I was very gullible, that’s probably one of the reasons why I indulged into so much bullshit (spirituality and conspiracy theories) that I researched right before getting to Desteni. With having this ‘background,’  I didn’t take into consideration what was actually meant by ‘stopping the mind,’ and only allowed myself to get into what I now call ‘the whiner experience’ wherein I created a turmoil of thoughts, giving up on myself even before I started. This was due to this process being seemingly  impossible at first glance: ‘too much’, ‘unbearable’, ‘How will I do this?’ – It worried me for a while, lol, all part of the same mind-experience created within myself.

Within this state of enraged-pity, I sent a message to the guys at Desteni explaining my situation, how I was literally ‘losing my mind’ by realizing that I had to stop my mind – and wondered how will I live, what will I be? Etc. The reply that I got from them was, to my surprise, of such simplicity and obviousness that I literally laughed out loud while reading it, as I realized how usual this experience had been throughout my life: it was my mind throwing a tantrum, the mind’s defense mechanism to not have to go through this process = it’s not who I really am as life the one that’s complaining! So, this point became an initial realization: stopping myself from being the whiner. Ever since then I have shared that video with anyone that experiences the same point of it all being seemingly ‘impossible’ to walk through, only to realize that it’s the mind’s survival mechanism kicking-in and literally crying out for help when realizing: we’re about to debunk its kingdom.

Once I got over my initial reactions, I simply continued watching the material.

Self Forgiveness ?

I constantly heard the words Self-Honesty, Self-Forgiveness, Writing, Breathing, Self Corrective Application in the videos, which I inferred was ‘the way to go.’ I began assessing my then ‘values’ and ‘stance’ toward such words.

I was a ‘pro-Honesty’ person within the understanding of what ‘being Honest’ is/means in the system, which could have been like declaring war toward another being or country in a ‘rational and logical’ manner, and be considered as ‘being honest’ by ‘speaking the truth of their intentions’ without ever considering what’s best for all in such words/ decisions. I had considered myself to be a ‘frank person’ within those parameters, not really considered ‘what’s best for all’ in such a honest self-created idea of myself.  So, this is how I began opening eyes to what SELF-Honesty was, which made sense to me in every bit of it.

Writing was something I had been doing at the time – yet definitely using it as a reinforcement of my own personalities wherein poems or lyrics to songs I never sang would come through, lol – in essence, I wrote to form and shape my personality, just like a sculpture that I was busy creating of myself as a nice idea that I could wear. Those writings became the ‘code’ so to speak, wherein I would reassure to myself ‘who I was’ and why I thought in a particular way, why I liked or disliked the world.  I didn’t really write to get me out of my self-created‘hole,’ but rather reinforced it and justified it as ‘a way of living.’ This was all I would write about at that time.

When realizing what the process consisted of, I understood that this had to be developed in order to ‘change the world.’ I had no problem in directing such points into a ‘one and equal’ understanding, but… Self Forgiveness? All types of judgments went on inside me along with the usual questions like: ‘Why do I have to forgive myself?’ ‘Why can’t I just ‘let it go/ stop it?’ – ‘Isn’t that a religious thing?’ – ‘Isn’t there just another way to do this (process) instead of having to write out this format-like sentences to correct myself?’ I was very skeptical and even went to the extent of fearing ‘deprogramming myself,’ fearing getting to a point of having ‘no control’ over myself = essentially fearing becoming a ‘self forgiven drone’ lol, without actually realizing at the time that I was already Not ‘in control’ of myself and that I was a mind-driven being that had never actually lived.

We tend to get overwhelmed by the sole idea of having to forgive ourselves for everything that we’ve lived-as thus far and forgive ourselves as the entire world for that matter. This was only an initial mind-experience that we then fear ‘getting ourselves into,’ because it just seems ‘too much’ and we go into self-pity experiences of ‘I can’t possibly do this’, I went through a breakdown due to having to let go of my ideas of there being a ‘quick fix’ to this reality, or even some type of God existing to which I could ‘connect to’ and get to a ‘greater self-experience.’ This was all part of the mindfuck that was required to be stopped in the first place.

So I said to myself, I can’t go on as I am we’ve got to stop the world and for that we begin with ourselves. At first it seemed really petty to have this as a reason to do so, I still held secret desires on a magic wand doing the job for me wherein I would only have to ‘apply self forgiveness’ as in writing it out and the problem would be solved – later on I found out what it really was all about.

I got my shoes on, let’s walk this!

I went on to the forum just to see what Self Forgiveness was after spending the first weeks just trying to get used to the idea of me applying Self Forgiveness – initially it seemed like a repetitive drone of words wherein I would have to go through every bit of my memories, my ‘life’ and apply Self Forgiveness for it. It seemed extensive, in my mind there was like an immediate ‘No way! That is impossible’ within forming ideas of having to then spend the rest of my days applying Self Forgiveness non-stop, lol. That’s the ‘extremist’ aspect of the personality I continue exploring through writing and stopping within this process.

After reading the very first examples on Self Forgiveness by Jack, I sat on my bed in the afternoon and began reading. I saw myself in the awkward position of reading along those statements aloud for the very first time in my life. . I probably even blushed to myself, even if I was absolutely alone, it was just so ‘not me’ to be forgiving myself considering that I had lived as a self-righteous person that thinks, believes everything I do is ‘word’ and cannot be wrong. The single act of sitting down and reading self forgiveness was an immediate humbling moment, it was already being like a hand grenade blown toward my ego: it was about to be blown up for life.

One of the first points that I walked through self forgiveness was exposing the mind’s limitations and fears and any other emotion/feeling attached to beginning this process in itself. I literally had created this surreal scenario of ‘me walking process’ wherein I saw myself as a zombie passing by ‘regular people’ on the streets and simply having to remain ‘blank’ the whole time. Nope, that was my own misconception that was later on part of my own fears blowing Process out of proportion – laughing at it was a cool way to shed the point off and simply get myself to start writing,  committing myself to myself to life no matter what.

WHAT?

Okay, so… what is this supposed to do now? I’m now free from god? from the female ego? and I’m now Self Honest?” Lol, my first ideas on Self Forgiveness were linked to this being a process wherein I would be doing some type of magic spell by simply stating the words/ writing myself out and having it all ‘cleared up’– let’s say that the entire aspect of having to Live Self Forgiveness wasn’t really understood at that time. So, I decided to apply the point of being unconditional about it, I had nothing to lose.

I proceeded to first start writing a point out to see ‘how it worked’ which was working with the most prominent experiences I had in that moment. I wasn’t even participating that much at the time in the forums, I just focused on setting this foundation for myself, because I knew this was the way to walk the process, to stand up for life and finally stop my mind – I ‘knew’ it, yet it had to be walked and self-realized.

I noticed how at first it all seemed so repetitive – ‘Why can’t I just say ‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself’ once and then just name the whole list and ‘get over with it’?’ – I was still looking for the ‘fast and accurate’ way out of it, took some time to grasp what I was actually doing as ‘Forgiving myself’ after applying the usual ‘fake it till you make it’ wherein words don’t seem to mean anything – and in fact, they won’t! Unless you Live them. This was the ‘aha-moment’ that I had to walk and discover for myself through the actual application of it in time.

I must say that the judgment toward the word forgiveness remained even after a while into writing and process. To me it was like a silent-cringe inside me whenever I would hear myself forgiving myself, because of having these concepts of religion and priests and the entire religious-construct along with the word ‘forgiveness.’ It was just plain icky at the beginning.

Key-point here: I hadn’t applied Self Forgiveness for judging the word Self-Forgiveness in itself and clearing out the associations toward it. I had to see how the ‘awkwardness’ was linked to this memory of that one and only time that I ever ‘confessed myself’ to a priest, which remained like a very bitter experience in my life, almost like having to swallow a medicine that leaves a very bad taste in your mouth for a while. The priest spoke the word ‘forgiveness’ and so to me that had just left a stigma toward that word. I never went to confess myself again and in my mind, applying self forgiveness was like confessing my ‘dark deeds’ to myself, which I saw as a cool point in terms of not having to resort to telling my stuff to someone in order to be ‘absolved from my sins.’ Then I realized what a nice trick religion had created in order to be the ‘only ones’ that can endow you with such ‘god-given right to forgive you,’ whereas Self-Forgiveness implied: I can do it myself –  awesome, way to go to debunk faith and beliefs.

I applied self forgiveness on feeling ‘icky’ and weird and judging the word forgiveness and self forgiveness in itself – the whole lot of points that went opening up as I went writing out the sentences around thoughts like ‘why do I have to forgive myself,’ ‘why forgiveness sounds like something priests do to others,’ forgiveness related to god, forgiveness related to me having done something ‘wrong’, forgiveness as in ‘asking someone forgiveness’ and even ideas on this being a humiliating process and embarrassing even for myself alone.

When beginning process I also  noticed how I also wanted to ‘get over with my past shit and move on’ which I did through writing it all out and sharing it as a form of also demonstrating something to someone of my own application – in a way following an ‘ideal’ of clearing myself fro such ‘sins’ as soon as possible. This is not something that was ‘wrong’ or anything. simply I found out in that process how we find our own way to establish ourselves through process in a ‘trial and error’ manner.

In my case it was mostly through writing that I opened up points to apply Self Forgiveness for,  having that ‘freedom to write’ wherein I’d share all the apparent trivial points of my days. I would experience certain blockages while writing out self forgiveness whenever I would jump in my mind into an idea of ‘myself within process’ wherein we believe that we are doing something that will make us ‘better,’ make us ‘more’ in any way – Nope, not at all. I quote a sentence that came through a chat  once“The Self as life has no language or Skill yet.” Realizing the humbleness required to walk this process was quite a cool point within it all,  as it allowed me to stop having to ‘uphold’ a particular idea of myself I had been bound myself for my entire life as living up to the ‘highest standard’ possible at an intellectual level.

I had to let go of this ego-formed around been specific and effective within my application – it is still being stopped whenever it rears its head. I realized that it could only feed yet another ‘ideal’ of myself becoming something/ someone ‘better’ instead of simply realizing that self-honest application here will not enhance any egos, but only reveal/ expose and function as support to direct ourselves into an actual practical physical living realization of who we really are, supporting us to take off the blindfold to see what we all really are.

WHY ?

The simplest reason I can name of why I came to apply Self Forgiveness was to simply get to actually Live. I understood we can’t possibly go on as we have in this world,  we have to stop what we’ve accepted and allowed within ourselves and actually get to the realization that it is in fact possible to create a new world if each individual that is willing to stand up for life, dedicates themselves to themselves, to live a process wherein Life is considered in all aspects as one and equal – always.

I wanted to stop being the same self-deprecating system with all these habits and obsessions and desires to know and obtain any form of ‘truth’ to create a ‘meaning to life.’ When I heard that Self Forgiveness was the way to first of all STOP all of those delusions to then live, I realized that I had to ‘test this out for myself’, I couldn’t just continue watching the material and absorbing all the knowledge and information for the delight of my own witty-ego satisfaction, no.

I initially went ‘full-on’ applying Self Forgiveness and had a heavy-duty time with it with writing out a lot. I was still having this ‘urge’ to get something done, to ‘get it done’ and be finally ‘here’ with “no-mind” and being finally free, I was still applying Self Forgiveness from that starting point of achieving something, not really realizing what I was doing was part of the process of first getting to establish Self Honesty within myself.

I realized how this process is not about ‘bettering ourselves’ or ‘personal growth’ but simply the realization of what we are actually able and capable of living-as, directing ourselves toward our optimum-state and living in our fullest potential. This all made sense to me as the way this world and reality ‘should have always been’ – I saw how the point that was in between us from realizing our actual ability to stop and correct ourselves had only been ourselves as the mind. We are the only ones standing on our way– this is paraphrasing Bernard. All the ‘lostness’ thoughts began to diminish, because I saw that I had only ‘gotten lost’ according to the thoughts that I had given space and many breaths away to exist as ‘who I am,’ I then realized to what extent this had been my own creation and how I had to take self responsibility for it.

I suggest reading the blog ‘How I was able to Hear Desteni’ for further details about these first days of encountering it. Even though it all sounded extremely weird to me, I decided to ‘give it a try’ simply because I had already gone through other processes in trying to ‘make myself feel better’ which had not really been effective or with ‘long lasting effects’ just like the temporary bridge they were. I decided to apply Self Forgiveness in part also to see ‘what it was all about’ and not allow me to only formulate ideas/ beliefs about it without testing it for myself.

HOW ?

The initial experience within applying Self Forgiveness was fueled  with regret, shame and guilt when realizing what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist-as in this world, and how we had – within such possession-  created a world of hatred and separation. Myself being the +1 point that supported such depression,  anxiety, walking with this constant judgmental view on the world  that I allowed myself to be and become.  I walked through my reality seeking for experiences, people, drugs or anything that could allow me to ‘grasp’ this reality, to not feel ‘lost’ and apparently gaining some type of ‘higher status’ to be special, to at least ‘know’ any form of ‘truth’ within this reality that would make me feel like there was a ‘point’ in this existence –  though I could only continue seeing  that nothing made sense.

This is almost a ‘normal thing’ to go-through when realizing all the moments that we’ve spent in our little bubbles secluded from the rest of the world. Thus I initially rushed in means of ‘clearing my name/image’ as soon as possible. I had the idea that it was all about writing the self forgiveness out in one go, and then being ‘clear/ absolved’ of it forevermore. No, that was only my ego once again wanting to ‘shove it all away’ as fast as I could to regain a certain ‘peace of mind’ and be done with it –  it was just another attempt to regain the experience of ‘everything is fine,’ without really grasping how this was a process to be lived for a lifetime.

Self Forgiveness can only support us in identifying the points that we have to correct ourselves,  yet as we know, this takes the actual physical integration of that which I vow to stand for, Self as the starting point in all ways = walking the talk.

It was through the support through forums, Bernard, Sunette and everyone else participating at Desteni that I realized that Desteni was no quick fix, that it would take the actual living-application of it, that I had to actually walk-it, live-it, fall and rise again, make mistakes as many as I had to in order to get to know which road Not to follow – I realized that I actually required to DO THIS, that this was no prayer or magic wand wherein I could just simply spell nice words and pretend all is well – no.

I also had to see how I had never ever done this as it’s not a preprogrammed thing to do. I realized that it wouldn’t come as a single easy decision wherein you chose from one color to another, but that it would take an actual self-commitment and self-will to prove if what was being shared with regards to Self Forgiveness in Self Honesty and writing ourselves to freedom was actually supportive. Till this day I can say: yes it is, absolutely.

At times I would be quite overwhelmed with all the points I would go opening up through Self Forgiveness. It was a process wherein through writing and making it a consistent point within my every day living, it became a habit, a cool habit to start getting to know myself, to see where and how it is required to apply self forgiveness, how to apply self forgiveness for the experiences of the day. I mean, to me writing became like the most enjoyable part of the day and till this day, If I don’t write a day it would be because I’m absolutely sick or something – even if I don’t write blogs on a daily basis, I am continually writing somewhere in the internet or for myself in a notebook. It’s become part of myself – and it’s a very coo habit to develop a point of self-communication wherein we are able to ground ourselves as self-support and share it whenever we can with others as well. Writing and words are the key to this reality – and this is a Destonian realization, we are proving it for ourselves as we walk.

All in all, Self Forgiveness was a trial and error process initially, wherein I virtually began applying Self Forgiveness for everything and all that I noticed in my environment, in my thoughts, in the world – it’s cool though because that’s how I got to discern what is common sense, what is Self Honesty, what are points that I have to open up further and how eventually applying/ living Self Forgiveness would imply the ‘actual doing’/ walking of all of these statements.

This was finally something that I had to ‘make it work’ = it was no quick fix or magical wand as I had desired it initially to be – that’s when I began ‘meeting my maker’ for real, because Self Forgiveness became ‘the way’ to start seeing what the hell on Earth I was thinking and going through at all times as the inner chatter that I had dared to call ‘my best friend.’

WHEN ?

Once I started grasping Self Honesty, I saw that I could no longer be fooling myself with playing the same old ‘me’ when I had clearly set out the reasons, excuses and justifications for me being/ becoming a particular way – the self-interest, the narcissism, the arrogance, the self-inflated ego, the obsessions, the self-created delusions were out and in the open now, I could not fool myself nor did I want to continue deceiving myself. I can openly say now that it is through applying and living Self Forgiveness that I found what Self-Respect is, what actually establishing Self-Trust is based on one’s own writings and realizations and practical-living application of such realizations as well.

The moment that I saw that even after leaving behind all the idea of myself I was still ‘Here,’ fears started vanishing – and I continued walking no matter what. Self Forgiveness became ‘the way of living’ from the perspective of being able to correct myself when seeing ‘the point’ that was missed in a moment wherein – yes – a breath was missed.

Breathing through resistances to bring-through a point within Self Forgiveness, breathing through the initial judgment that may come whenever we expose to ourselves a point that we had suppressed and not looked at out of embarrassment, shame, guilt or fear – breathing through reactions is the way to go once you see the same points emerging after having applied self forgiveness for the point, such as my initial judgment toward Self-Forgiveness in itself.

I remember once buying myself an only-self-forgiveness bloc of notes and the day that I had finished writing on the very last page, I felt ‘so cool’ about it, I planned to save it for the posterity lol – I lost it that same day at the bus station, I realized that such process was not to be ‘cherished’ and that it wasn’t about creating a collection of self-forgiveness, but actually walking through the process of living it, living the correction that I had seen through my writings that I had to stop, correct, align within the principle of what’s best for all. Eventually I understood that I could write heaps – yet if it wasn’t applied, then it was absolutely useless.

I also saw how any ‘good feeling’ I could get out of applying Self Forgiveness, was a mind generated experience and had to be stopped.

When getting specific support on the point through the Tree of Life I realized how ‘my past was still haunting me’ literally and how I was creating an actual experience of rushing or even anxiety in wanting to ‘get rid of the fucker as soon as possible and be at peace,’ without actually realizing that I had to first let go of wanting to ‘overcome myself’ but simply face the points for what they are, self forgive and walk the process at the physical pace of breathing – moment by moment.

This ‘rush’ had to be stopped by first realizing that I had to clear myself from such thoughts of guilt, regret and shame that had emerged when writing myself to freedom, I wanted to ‘get over with it’ as soon as possible. I then realized that ‘there is nothing to attain’, there is nothing to ‘get to’ or ‘become’ – It is about realizing who/ what I really am,  that I am Here and I can’t define and limit myself within a perceived amount of time that I require to do this. So, rushing is linked to a self-competition through time against myself, against the personality I had become. So, forgiving myself for that became the pillar to walk in humbleness, to realize there is nothing to ‘attain’ or get, but is an actual walking-living self-realization that will be proven through our own participation in space and time in our reality.

This also included stopping the expectations or ideals of ‘who I will become once I have applied Self Forgiveness’ – making sure I didn’t form any self-grandeur within it, any ego enhancement as being then ‘more’ than others or now being ‘done’ with myself and not requiring to continue, that’d be rather another mindfuck to debunk indeed – and I remind myself of this every time that it is required. It is a constant living application. 

Living Self Forgiveness

I never knew how layered my personality was until I started applying Self Forgiveness

It was shocking to start seeing how I was essentially avoiding ‘mingling’ with people around me based on this idea/ personality I had of myself. I started realizing how I had become that which I had vehemently judged others for: I had become my own worst nightmare without ever noticing it. By this I mean a rather picky, elitist, judgmental, arrogant being that would only care to ‘spend time’ with those people that would ‘care’ about me as I did for them – conveniently so – I would not give a reverend fuck about the rest, I only cared about my little bubble. So, when applying self forgiveness and going understanding that this process was to expose myself for everything I had become, it initially was something I resisted, just because of fearing to face the reality that I had become, the actual  ‘true nature’ of myself while I had though of myself as being a nice and delightful person. This was then obviously out of still playing out my core-personality, instead of being fully unconditional within the application.

See, the cool thing about Self Forgiveness is that we realize that we’ve existed as patterns, patterns repeat by ‘nature/design’, we realize that due to the extent that we’ve lived as the mind, we will be facing layers upon layers of the same pattern in various different aspects of our reality. Thus, we know we can’t be ‘done with it’ in one go – we’ll in fact amalgamate ourselves to the physical as breath, moment by moment, walking with the necessary patience to go stopping and correcting ourselves. That is translated to simply being able to stop the mind, stop all unnecessary time-loops of repeating the same experiences over and over again, until we realize that we simply require to Stop, Self Forgive and let go of it. Sounds simple, yes, though it takes a constant application that becomes ‘who we are’ every time we stop ourselves from participating in the mind, in every moment that we do not participate in that which seems enticing and alluring to go into – that moment that we don’t ‘go there’ actually supports ourselves to ground ourselves in/as the physical, we prove to ourselves that we can actually do this, that it just takes one breath at the time and sufficient self-will to do it.

I never even thought that I would get to enjoy this process until I simply started living it. I would spend hours writing out self forgiveness because I saw it as a very effective way to go opening up points and almost ‘challenging’ me to transcend my fears of ‘oh no no don’t go in there!’ within my mind wherein I would have to kind of give myself an internal kick in the ass to write the point out. Embarrassment, shame, guilt, heaps of self judgment, self-hatred, a lot of judgments toward other people, the world – I was overwhelmed!  However, it was the most liberating point once it was ‘out’ like a physical relief from having now exposed this rotting corpse to myself, it no longer was this ‘dead talk’ inside my head lingering around, provoking me to go into certain moods or experiences that I would then dare to participate in and define as ‘who I am.’ These experiences began diminishing, simply because I could not kid myself into such thoughts after having extensively exposed them for what they are. Once the can of worms was opened, the can was empty and I filled it up with soil to grow something rather supportive for myself to live in common sense.

The specificity implied in the writing itself of Self Forgiveness has been a key point of support in order to learn how the mind works as a perfect-system for excuses and justifications to not take Self-Responsibility. Hence the only way to ‘tackle’ this problem is through walking an equally specific and perfected system of self correction, which is why Self Forgiveness is such a specific way to correct ourselves. Each word in the basic sentence as ‘I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself…’ is an absolute statement of taking Self Responsibility for having given our lives up to a mind-driven action that was done in inconsideration of who we are as one and equal.

Throughout the process of getting to know how Self Forgiveness works, participating in the forum, reading others’ posts became a pillar and vital point of feedback. I was pretty much amazed how any single action/ event was able to be directed by using the same tools – indistinctly – and how common sense is always able to be established in any given situation, by the fact that every action is exerted through a process wherein a process of decision making is involved: to act or not act – it is self-created and as such, it can be corrected.

How come we had missed this throughout time?

No Excuses: Life Cannot be Denied

I see Self Forgiveness as giving ourselves a second chance to live – to finally create ourselves as that which we see is and will be best for all as one and equal. This sounds ‘cool’ but living the words implies a life-dedication, a commitment toward ourselves that we support ourselves with and share with others. It is a way to expand our ability to see/ realize that who we really are had been caged in our own mind-traps and we are ready to take them all down for we have been the very creators of it all.

There is no ‘mystery ’in Self Forgiveness, it’s not a self-god-given right, it is about understanding that we stop ourselves from existing within a single point of definition or idea of ourselves that limits/ defines who we are, and living it out through first removing/ detaching ourselves from such memory, idea, thought, belief, picture and standing up from having accepted and allowed ourselves to remain limited within such conception of ourselves.

It’s about getting to know ourselves, to learn ‘how’ we function and  take Self-Responsibility for it, which is realizing and understanding  how there will be no miracles happening in order for us to correct what we have accepted and allowed to exist in this world.  We have this one life, one opportunity for us to be the creators of a reality that we are willing to exist as from now on, within common sense, within the principle of what is best for all as equals. This is the single starting point for creation we have missed throughout time – it is only now that we have the opportunity to stand as the living example of what is possible for us human beings to be and become when we become the change that we want to see in this world.

Enjoy living this out for yourself.

Supportive Articles I read to walk Self Forgiveness:

And many more at: http://desteni.org/articles

Self-Forgiveness Blog


2012 Life After Death–Interdimensional Portal

It’s been some years since I’ve been writing and I can’t recall having written about meeting Sunette – the portal – at Desteni while being in South Africa.

I had explained before how watching her in the videos wasn’t such a ‘new thing’ for me in terms of having beings talking from the ‘afterlife’ through a human being’s body – even though I later on got to know that channeling wasn’t precisely what she was doing. However being living with her and witnessing how it all works was something quite amazing, yet ‘normal’ as every being that is in the body simply does the same stuff that Sunette would do in any given moment. Whenever I was curious I would ask  ‘who’s in the body?’ this I would do whenever I could notice a particular voice tonality or ‘stance’ that I could recognize wasn’t Sunette – some other times it’s just imperceptible and you learn how to stop creating any idea of ‘who Sunette is’ in contrast to the rest of the beings. I see that’s part of the Equality and Oneness process wherein each being can only have these distinctive remarks as long as we try to find/ spot them – other than that, it’s just an equal and one expression, all equally part of ourselves which is quite fascinating nonetheless.

I could write my personal stories of being a bit surprised in relation to particular beings that would come through and my reactions to it – however the point here is to simply declare that it becomes such a ‘usual thing’ that we even tend to forget what ‘the portal’ actually represents for humanity and existence as a whole.

Hearing the Interview ‘History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 2’ reminded me that which is still fascinating about Desteni, that which I can answer almost on a daily basis in semi-automated answers in YouTube videos in relation to Sunette being an interdimensional portal, and how her body is the point of physical expression for beings coming through from the dimensional existence to share and communicate about the existential process we are currently walking. However, listening to stories like this made me realize the actual Process we are living, which is a once in an existential-lifetime opportunity for us to finally realize who and what we really are beyond the veils of our mind, as Life – as One and Equal.

It is interesting that we have taken this point as a ‘regular thing’ within our reality, at least for myself after being so used to hearing, reading and chatting with dimensional beings – well, the latter while being at the farm with Sunette around – that I simply didn’t create any further ‘divide’ or separation of being talking with beings that are dimensional = don’t have a physical body/ are not alive any longer as in having a ‘life of their own’ on Earth – yet the words are and have been one of the key points within Desteni and our process as humanity.

I understand that this is the part of Desteni that many people still react to in terms of not being able to ‘prove it’/ witness it for themselves, however we have given testimony of it even in situations wherein we have been scrutinized for traveling ‘all across the globe’ to be at the farm, which is the usual point of identifying it with ‘meeting the portal.’ I can only say that one can make a ‘big deal’ out of it if the message is not heard, because it was through all the words that have come through the portal from beings in existence that I actually got to realize what regarding each other as equals actually implies, which is something that then takes off the ‘weight’ of the portal being something ‘more’ than us, once that we understand what oneness and equality actually means. Within this, there is no need to ‘believe’ in it, but simply HEAR the words and live the message that is shared.

Back to the interview…

The story narrated by this 7 year old boy that died, describes his entire realization of being in a different dimension on Earth. It reminded me of that which is still here yet we have veiled ourselves off from because of being only existing as our mind and in that, missing out the entire existence that is HERE and has always been here. This places into perspective the fact that we have been only walking thought-feeling-emotion machines without any further idea of there being something else to this life.

The fascination that I got from listening to this interview was similar to the one I got from listening to the Atlanteans interviews, which have been so far the history of existence coming from ancestors that we have never gotten to know of in this reality until now, narrated and explained with such detail that makes us really ‘wake up’ to see the bits of ourselves that we have missed within this reality, while being so occupied within our own mind and fighting against each other.

I see for myself how I tend to ‘lose perspective’ at times of what it is that I am actually getting to hear within these interviews as something that I would have never gotten to know of if it wasn’t for the existence of the Portal itself. However, it is also cool that it doesn’t become something ‘more’ than myself, I simply see it as part of the realization of getting to equalize ourselves to as one and equal, which is the entire process we are walking here. The importance or relevance of hearing these stories from the afterlife, as well as the history of mankind, is simply to get a broader perspective about ourselves, about existence and life itself, to learn how to take all points into consideration in terms of the realization that everything we are and do is part of a whole, and within this take Self Responsibility accordingly.

Listening to any material that has been created by the portal/ Sunette for the last 5 years now, has been a definitive turning point for humanity – whether people are aware of it or not – and this is what makes it such an important point to create a reference for as part of this process. With this I mean: we probably wouldn’t be here writing and sharing and applying ourselves within this process if Heaven had not ever been dismantled as the entire system of enslavement that it was.

As fascinating as this may seem for anyone reading here that didn’t have any reference to what Desteni is, I suggest taking a moment to simply listen to that interview as well as any other interview in the Internet from Desteni, as each video-interview is a key point to get to know ourselves, to understand who and what we really are and, most importantly, HOW we can practically assist and support ourselves to become a living-part of the solution that is proposed as the Equalization of Life as who we really are. (See the Unification of Man as I am)

We have never had such an opportunity in existence before. We have this one lifetime to stand up for Life and realize all the lies that we have perpetuated as this current mess of reality and stop them forevermore. Obviously within stopping = a new input must be created, and that’s in essence how we are walking our process to realize and understand what it practically means to stand as One and Equal as this reality – these are common words yet not properly understood within the actual implication at an existential level of what they imply.

For that, I can only suggest visiting the Desteni website and forum for further support as it is definitely quite an extensive amount of material that has been unconditionally published since 2007, plus all of the thousands of blogs and vlogs by us Destonians. We are here and walking the material as our own process which is what makes of Desteni such a cool group of people that are daring to walk ourselves out of our mind and into the physical  – which is nothing else than realizing who we really are as Life and giving us proper support for that to establish a system in this reality that can make of Equality as Life a Reality, regardless of any current obstacle such as money. For that, read all about the Equal Money System

To wrap this up, don’t be afraid to get to know what there is beyond the reality that we see with our current physical eyes, everything/ everyone is one and equal as ourselves and we are here to realize so that we can Birth-Ourselves as Life from the Physical, to finally and actually Be Here.

Enjoy!

Portal expanded interdimensionaly

History of the Interdimensional Portal – Part 3

Self-Extraction out of the body - Interdimensional Portal

The Story of Sunette


How I was able to Hear Desteni?

This wasn’t planned at all, but on a day like today January 29th but in 2008 I stumbled upon my second Desteni video which I got to finally watch. I was alone at night in my apartment and ready to get back to school in the following days, while continuing a process of being longing for a change in my life in a desperate manner.

The months before Desteni – and my entire lifetime if I could say so – I searched for answers that I could not get in encyclopedias or my dictionary. I sought into the occult and mystic realms another form of ‘knowledge’ that could make any sense to all of this ‘life’ of mine of which I was losing my ground on. I was absolutely enthralled with spirituality, the idea of ‘God’ being everywhere, us being god, being one, seeking love, wanting to ‘feel love’ and within this getting quite a burnt perspective on reality which lead me to follow certain ideas/ beliefs of myself having this benevolent mission in life that I had to seek ‘guidance’ for in order to ‘fulfill’ it.

At that time I was questioning myself extensively. I would write about losing the ‘meaning’ of who I am and how I had to go back to memories to remind myself ‘who I was,’ yet at the same time not believing that all I was is this ‘so-called lifetime’ as I wrote. I had been interested in how everything develops/ works as a process in life and this curiosity is what lead me to research on various topics like religions, philosophy, mysticism which included alchemy, magic, esotericism, kabbalah, Sufism and the list goes on with various ‘isms.’ I mean, I tried to get a hold of each thing to see what ‘suited my interests.’ Now we know that religions are designed according to people’s minds and cultural lifestyles which now makes me realize how it is that I couldn’t ‘fully identify’ with any of them. I wanted to ‘make my own religion’ as a syncretism of all of which I could find ‘supportive’ from each one of these religions/philosophies/ practices/ cultures, etc.

I’ve been quite fond of writing and I had been doing it for 8 years by that time wherein I wrote “I know the writings and the essence of my thoughts are creations.” Yet all of this I would still link to the idea of ‘enlightenment’ which is essentially what I was seeking at the time. I also would feel like ‘death’ was around the corner – yep, it was the death of me as who I had believed myself all the time.

I’ll share my exact words on the first encounter with Desteni written out in the evening of January 29th, 2008:

“So I saw this girl from Desteni bringing Ian Xel Lungold who is the man that got me investigating about the Mayan Calendar. So I thank him, now I know what goes one a bit more. . I mean, it’s really tough when you truly think of it, but it is completely plausible as I’ve been in touch with such things since I was a little girl. I was brought up with the belief in spiritualism. Basically my whole life has been based in their beliefs.”

Then I describe several events that I used as a form of believing that spiritualism was real as in ‘real life events’ that supported me to believe in it. I proceeded to write hours later – I apologize for the sketchy and jumpy type of enunciation, but I was mostly on weed all the time and I would write in a rather messy way, yet I wanted to share it as ‘raw’ as it is, this is to clarify that the words might not be well suited to describe ‘Desteni’ yet it was how I grasped it at the time.

“It’s 11:05 and I come here only to make or point out the fact/ statement that a whole dimension of who I was has been completely/ almost shattered today. Something beyond here and there changed my mind. So the channel (portal) can be applied to Einstein, Tesla, Marilyn Monroe, Dimebag Darrel I mean, everyone. So there goes this manifestation… It is beyond all schemes, I couldn’t have (illegible ‘thought this’) not even in my wildest dreams. But seeing Kurt Cobain speaking through a blond woman makes you wonder how you really haven’t (illegible) on stuff, even more when we’ve certainly felt like I didn’t belong here. The idea of good and evil dissolving, I hadn’t thought about the idea of god and it makes me wonder. We are our words and I allow myself to forgive myself for ALL and for it ALL. Each pinch of doubt, fear, insecurity might come from my pre-installed system as it feels odd to be coming out of the end. […] So it’s been a long, long day filled with truly, this time TRULY unexpected information, therefore I’m grateful and I’ll try to begin acting as one, being honest with myself as the very chains of reality, this shadow world comes to a transformation from the core. I want to assist that change.

I’ll try to watch them all (videos.) Lots of good vibes. I thank everything until now for I am indeed now aware of my own nature”

And that was the entry for the day. The real ‘shift came through the writings two days after I spent all my time watching videos while having the last days of vacation from school.

The following pages contain very ‘powerful’ realizations that I would like to share here in a summed-up version of entire pages wherein I expressed how excited I was and all that I was ‘ready to give up’ for this process. I’m even a bit flabbergasted myself to see how immediate my decision was to HEAR – and this is all mostly because of seeing the common sense in having to be the ones that cut the chains of our own shackles in this world.  I’ll transcribe a bit here:

“It’s the last day of the first month. It could officially mean that it’s the end of my vacation time and all I can realize is that all my life could be thrown out the window right now because my belief systems have fell and with it, many things I became a part of. I saw each system demon come in and talk about polarities, beauty, addictions, god, trinity, everyone, everything. And this made me ‘feel better’ like I have a solution to the possible outcome of it all. I heard LaVey saying who he’s is/was a demon and he’s in the dimensions observing how humans go to heaven, their heaven once they die.

So me and that LSD experience. I won’t ever do that again as I must realize what I saw was still the product of our mind. I am really curious about Gurdjieff and his afterlife. He says he was erased from Earth because he realized true awareness of ‘I am.’

So really, it is a BIG change for I now know my thoughts, feelings, emotions are part of the system I am. This isn’t really me, we’re covered in bags of skin with huge egos while thinking about success and happiness in the system. I don’t know what I’ll become or what will actually happen after this whole breakthrough. I really feel I want to quit it ALL. I mean it. So, words are me.

Really this is the end of our world as we know it, really. What will come is our Self Realization through the destruction of our systems/demons and I feel think 2012 will be only a shifting time for all of us to save Mother Earth and become Aware, not saved as Jesus (through the Portal) said, but become aware that I don’t have to worship anyone […] Therefore I won’t be experiencing the unity as I thought. It’s good I’ve got a record since 2000 of my life, so now I will consider, re-consider it all…”

Feb 5th and my world was falling apart already within my relationship in terms of how I began sharing about Desteni with family and friends in a rather enthusiastic manner that didn’t suit their scheme of who I was/ what I was supposed to be. Here I share something of this day

“I’ll be like the temperance so I may have time to realize how we exist through relationships. It can’t make me sad anymore, it’s a fight against my own mind. That is judgment day, is here for me, it’s beginning. I do not believe in anything outside of myself anymore, no more religions, no more surrendering to a higher power. There’s no such God as we are god ourselves. All of us, we just have to realize it.

[…] The deal with it all now is becoming my words and it requires subjugation of our big egos towards unity and equality. Will that ever happen? All my beliefs on 2012 are awaiting (in relation to a final ‘end of the world as shared in previous blogs) In fact I like the idea, but what kind of seems torturing is the fact that there’s no solution, there’s no going out of it all forever.  […] It is fascinating I know I’m not alone, I’m not a stranger, I’ll rather try to burn my ego down to ashes and let the true me get out. I won’t hold on to things as I realize how everything is constantly moving. What’s real? I don’t know. And I’m glad I’m not into a relationship anymore.”

And now I remember how initial ‘doubts’ on Desteni were triggered by others in my world – though common sense was undeniable:

“What if Desteni is actually a conspiracy? Well I don’t feel so, it’s not nice to think that all the books I recently bought are nothing but fantasies either, yet they can be so. Music is a system, art, expression, feelings, so what the hell on earth can I do? I’m just waiting, TELL ME! I have no desire whatsoever and it might be really bad/ good whatever. Everyone… So I sometimes wonder… maybe I could be very useful on heaven here on Earth… I have not bought my life yet but I’ll be patient. I’m doing my effort and placing my endeavor towards – not what is called enlightenment – but the truth of our essence. There is nothing to be scared of but of ourselves. So here we go, that’s it. I will not think of anything but forgive myself and I walk for this is all I got now, somehow.

I will trust them this time for it makes complete sense to me. I want to thank Jack and everyone out there in the dimensions who are currently coming to us (through the portal) in a specific moment of our lives. We can’t deny this, we’re in this together, all of us so we might as well hurry, we are aware of this now. That’s why maybe we all felt our worlds crumbling down for some time now, we didn’t know the dimensions were actually struggling to take out all the white light system. So, we were enslaved, huh, who could tell? To me it isn’t much of a new thing because I’ve seen everyone and I know I feel their whatever they are feeling and I’ve always felt weird whenever a young kid approaches me to ask for money or anything. How odd really, we don’t have to ask more. I will continuously make my endeavor to stop the mind. To know who I really am and so, If we are all gods, we better make up to our own nature. Nothing is sacred anymore but all of it together. So that’s about it. This is the real change.

Then the ‘crisis/ breakdown’ came wherein I started digesting more and more of the material, yet it was a necessary process as we all walking this process know and have experienced at some point in our lives/ process.

“So today it wasn’t such a  great thing going back to school. I know it was going to be mad, I couldn’t really sleep that well, I kept wondering about many things and I had goose bumps, very intense ones so I hope today I find a reason for that. If there’s one, Maybe I’m going through a deep crisis indeed, I need help.

Self Honesty, using common sense. I got a message from Andrea at Desteni. I feel great I know and them, it’s great. It has helped me a lot.

My world is really falling apart, it consists of my beliefs, thoughts, that includes all the stuff I used to cling to. There are no more chakras, there will be no more reincarnation as Buddha (through the portal) wrote – so what happens then? So I’m guiding everyday towards equality and it’s hard considering life in this city which is hell. Art is even nonsense now.

Everything up to where we are now makes no sense. There’s no ‘white light’ anymore so we’re on our own. This will be a major shift, I might as well sell everything and go for a ride. But I enjoy myself here I am now. And I’m thankful for it all too. No matter what, I’ll be a ‘stop the mind freak’ if it’s necessary for me to be so. I’ll quit weed if it’s needed, I’ll do so. I believe I was like a heretic or something (in a past life belief), I believe I stood up for No God in other lives and now I returned for a while as a god conceiver, a ‘god seeking person,’ a mystic which is the ultimate enslavement by that of ‘surrendering to a higher power’ – God! I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think of a higher power other than me. I am living my words so I make it happen. If I need to quit my friendship, I will only if required. I hear my blood streaming. So this is where we got to. It is now, the apocalypse (revelation) is here slowly but surely. The revealing. I am all, I am alive. My blood is pumping.”

The following days I continued describing all the series of realizations with regards to what and who I had become, I realized that I was fooling myself by using weed to ‘cope with the message’ and eventually stopped it, the same happened with my relationship as I saw for myself the deception it was and how it was not supporting myself to walk this process.

I found it cool to share these thoughts straight from my notebook as ‘who I was’ 4 years ago wherein I was waking up from a slumber filled with ‘positivism.’ Desteni became that final and initial point to a process of having sought for a ‘solution’ to this world and having sought for a ‘way out’ of my own ‘chains,’ I saw the common sense in having to become the solution in this world once that I realized there was no God. This proves that I had in fact deposited faith on some benevolent being eventually being able to ‘save us.’ Now I know that it is definitely not so and that we are here, walking our process of self-revelation as the realization of who and what we are as one and equal which is not nice or pretty and implies taking Self Responsibility: an actual understanding of How we have created this world and walk through the Manifested Consequences in/ as our world.

Common sense could not be denied and I walked a process of shedding off my beliefs and embraced the new way wherein Forgiving myself was the way to stop participating in delusions like god or having some form of ‘guidance’ above me to become this ‘enlightened being.’ It was very supportive to get messages from people at Desteni when I did ‘seek for help’ as I was going a bit crazy with all the material. It only lasted a couple of days but what I got really allowed me to settle down and assert myself to walk this.

I eventually walked through the entire breakdown of crying and thinking that I had ‘lost myself’ but it was only beginning to step out of my religion and realizing that I could not continue as the ‘me’ that I had lived as until then.

Now I’m here, I did finish school and I’m actually in that point again in my life where a cycle is about to end here and a new one will begin. I can’t believe it’s been 4 years already yet it is so and we continue walking here.

All I can say is to be patient with yourself if you’re beginning this process, takes time to walk through one’s mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions and the rest of our reality within writing and applying self forgiveness, we’re all still all walking it as well.  I see how the commitment to be part of this process of Equality and Oneness was almost an immediate decision, because I had sought to be part of a change that could give a ‘meaning’ to my life. I realized how I could make myself the point of my existence and within that, make of my life this instrument to transform and establish a system that supports all Life.

Desteni is the process to get to live in this world. It might have come in the ‘weird’ presentation of a portal with all of these fascinating messages that made all sense to me. Yet the process of walking it and applying it/ living it became that single ‘point’ in my world that I required to realize that I was in fact able to become that which I saw  ‘knew’ we were even if it was in the back of my head. I was able to finally get the ‘reality check’ that I required to see how deluding myself with god and spirituality had been in fact neglecting my reality. The breakdown that I described was precisely because of realizing how I had been living in a bubble of positive thinking while abuse, suffering and violence was everything that was creating and making of this world such a fucked up place, all of it beginning within our very own thoughts (!)

Witnessing that through documentaries and videos we would get on a daily basis by Bernard, allowed me to open my eyes to the reality I had neglected. This was probably one of the key points within my Desteni-process wherein I started looking outside of myself to a reality that required to be exposed and shared to see what we are accepting and allowing to exist in our world, our creation. And with that, create and stand as the necessary solution that we are now presenting and walking as the Equal Money System.

Some lines in those journal entries contained some lyrics by John Frusciante that I wrote and seemed appropriate for this point in my life:

My life goes blank
Life was never what you thought.
Life was never what you saw
The lights go out

I dared to turn off the light and face the reality of what I had become, I wrote that it was ‘painful’ but understood why I required to walk this process and committed myself to it fully.

I’m grateful as I’ll always be for being here, being able to share my story today after 4 years of walking this process, between hell and Earth and back again, facing the nitty gritty details of myself that I would sometimes get embarrassed to even expose to myself. All of it I’m able to Self Forgive and prepare myself to be the point that takes Self Responsibility, that does stand up to create the necessary system for all of us to live as equals.

If you want to read more about my process, check out the archives now available in this same blog in the year 2008.

We continue walking. Thanks for reading.

Watch the vlogs on this topic here:

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 1

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 2

First note when watching Desteni 2008

First notes while watching Desteni, January 30th 2008


Equality debunks Massification

Response to Jessica Fuller

“I agree Ellory…equality is not the same as freedom. After all, Communists aim to make the masses equal.”

Placing the point into context. We are commenting over a fear-mongering article charged with sufficient propaganda to create the belief that living in perpetual fear and masking it with ‘survival skills’ relevant to one’s individual value schemes is something ‘clever’ to do and denoting ‘wisdom in living’ as the ‘voice of experience’ speaks. It is explained how one must ‘survive’ and protect oneself toward an apparent ‘enemy’ which is the system that we’ve created, accepted and allowed. Now within this, there are a set of prejudices that have built the brilliant educational system that is obviously sponsored by and lobbying capitalism as the ‘perfect living condition’ for people in this world. I’ve seen a constant in people’s arguments through these past  years of interacting with comments in our videos and blogs wherein we  present the solution of Equality as the implementation of the Equal Money System.

Freedom has NEVER existed in fact. It was introduced as part of the vocabulary  as an elusive concept that we were taught we had to ‘fight for,’ defend and even ‘die’ for – yet never ‘given’ as an actual living condition from birth for all equally. Look at your revolutions, they never brought any change but only superficial exchange of powers such as the ‘oppressed’ suddenly becoming the ruling class, often leading to worse results than the ones that were initially fought against.  Freedom in this current system is linked to money and money is inherently created upon abuse, therefore there is no freedom whatsoever because ‘None is Free till ALL is Free.’

Let’s look at ‘making the masses equal’ which is a particular usage of words to create the pejorative sense of ‘massification’ which is a term introduced to describe a sense of loss of individualism wherein groups of people could be directed and encompassed as a ‘whole’ with similar behavioral and thinking patterns through the media.  Therefore, isn’t it that we are already living such ‘massification?’ How about realizing that your current ‘equality’ is desiring the same as your neighbor which is achieving to live the ultimate ‘american dream’ that is charged with this idealism of being a ‘unique and special individual’ that seeks the ultimate success as money, sex and everything else that could create a sense of ‘completion’ in a human being’s lifetime.

Look at your adverts – what are they selling you? The image of perfection that makes you keep ‘striving’ to get to such happiness/ love/ bliss/ completion that is, more often than not, never actually fulfilled in a regular mortal’s life. It’s obvious that your ‘communism’ as it’s been taught in educational systems has been satanized and linked to the worst meanings possible for the sake of everyone seeing it as the ultimate ‘control,’ without ever being able to look back at ourselves and realize that we have accepted that very same  form of control, indoctrination and fascism wrapped up with false-flags of freedom and justice for all – none of them real in any way whatsoever and we only require to look at the world as proof of what I am describing here.

No one is free, we’re all abound to the same monetary system that is absolutely based on abuse and inequality, the inequality that we’ve accepted as part of the brainwashing wherein we believe that we have to ‘strive’ to get a decent living condition and that it is ‘okay’ to have over a billion beings starving in the world. This is all unacceptable and must be exposed for the propaganda it has been to determine a general social, economical and political structure designed to keep some people invariably disenfranchised so that there is always someone ‘willing to do the work’ that no one else wants to do out  of sheer necessity = extreme survival mode lived as the now friendly-named ‘modern day slavery’ which is just blatant slavery, another proof that evolution has not taken place in this world either.

“I also agree that we are responsible for ourselves. Buddhism, arguably the most peaceful religion out of all the major religions of the world, advocates that the only way you can influence lasting positive change is to begin with oneself. The New World Order has it’s talons deep in the world and it has been digging them deeper and deeper for decades…possibly even 100s to thousands of years depending how far into conspiracies you are willing to look.”

Peace is resisting war – peace is created out of the concept and acceptance of war itself in the first place. If you understand Buddhism, in common sense you will see that it promoted passivity and a general mode of observance/ detachment wherein people were never challenged to create a solution for this world; instead they were left to ‘meditate’ and ‘surrender’ to this world, taking on a light blindfold and remaining in a ‘blissful’ experience without even caring to look at how just by the mere fact of existing in this world, they were equally responsible to the ‘human condition’ that has never been ‘best for all’ or a harmonious one. Therefore Buddhism is another form of brainwashing wherein it is easy to ‘detach’ ourselves to ‘avoid suffering,’ yet the suffering remains ‘here’ and is not dealt-with. You ‘turn off your mind’ and pretend that everything is fine even though  ‘trying to keep the thoughts away’ is the first point that is being fought against when seeking such ‘peace of mind’ that is so revered and popular nowadays, it’s just another form of mental morphine to sedate ourselves from the problems that are existing in this world.

We begin with ourselves, yes, that is the principle. Yet the starting point must not be that of ‘existing in bliss’ or creating a false sense of ‘stability’ as a mind generated experience that can only exist at an individual level. It is only kept in place by the person  having to constantly turn off/ shut down the mind without actually daring to see and reveal what is existent within and in doing so, face the reality that we’ve become as our minds to walk an actual process of self correction.

I once tried ‘stilling the mind’ and entire Zen approach to life – I became so frustrated because I suppressed myself every time that I reacted within my mind that raced with thoughts and emotions that I could not ‘externalize’ and face, but simply shoved away.  It is in fact a process to create our inner demons because it all goes back into our head where it regurgitates and becomes backchat. This way we simply chew our own cud up there in our head without ever daring to speak it out and face what such drivel is revealing of ourselves.

It is only through the process of Self Forgiveness that I got to understand how we have to first allow ourselves to know ourselves, get to understand how our mind works through writing and speaking. From there the process of Self Forgiveness is taking Self-Responsibility on every statement wherein we recognize what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be/ become in separation of who we are as Life as Equals. Self Forgiveness is the only application – after many attempts to live through other various practices, philosophies and beliefs – that has enabled me to support myself and others equally by standing within one single and basic principle which is the principle that we are promoting as the base and foundation for a new system in this world: Equality as Life.

Common sense which is ‘what’s best for all’ becomes the constant measuring/ reference point to direct ourselves as our thoughts, words and deeds in our reality. This is how we begin with ourselves because we understand that we are the creators of this world and we cannot possibly look at ‘solving/ changing the world’ without first daring to look at ourselves and understanding what exists within us as our own mind. That’s the first point of Self-Responsibility.

‘The New World Order’ is as real as you want to believe it is in a similar way to the belief system we’ve accepted as our current monetary system. From my perspective it is no different to say ‘new world order’ or ‘capitalism’ or ‘socialism’ as any form of government and control over population imposed by a ruling class is equally deceptive and abusive. Hence I could say that we have existed within a perpetual ‘world order’ that has been based on the polarization of society, the survival of the fittest, the perpetuation of power for only a few that have become those that have set the rules of ‘who you are’ and ‘what you think’ currently, the same elusive ideals discussed at the beginning. They have cleverly designed the entire conspiracy theory point as their own way to entertain ‘the masses’ while igniting their sense of ‘indignation,’ yet continuing to accept a ludicrous monetary system that is certainly a point that is urgent to take self-responsibility for as every moment that we use it, we are existing in that tacit agreement for all the abuse and inequality that money is creating.

“Sitting in a circle signing “Kum-ba-ya” and discussing ideologies while plotting a peace plan celebrating equality will get us nowhere. It’s too late for all that.”

I certainly agree. Though I wouldn’t only judge people singing and praying or meditating – which are similar ways of neglecting the world – but also people that sit around watching TV consuming everything that the media says which is in fact the very artifact used for indoctrination and control to generate the necessary ‘massification’ to keep everyone well enter.tamed. What about people sitting around in their opulent international conventions to create “solutions for the world” year after year? They are also discussing only ideologies without getting anywhere. What about people discussing only about their dreams, desires and ‘pursuit of happiness’ around coffee tables? Isn’t that also part of talking about personal ideologies getting nowhere which in fact keep the current system in place because one will do ‘anything necessary’ to achieve ‘one’s dreams’ while disregarding the rest of the world. The pursuit of happiness is our demise and that’s why we must stop all forms of delusions to any form of ‘celebration’ – there is only people selling you the false sense of ‘freedom of choice’ and a ‘peace of mind’ that will run out the very first moment that you are confronted with your own feelings  and emotions and don’t know ‘how to deal with them’ other than shoving them under the rug, pretending once again that ‘everything is fine.’

There can be no celebration of Equality in this world as it has never existed – anyone claiming to do so is then in a self-brainwashing session that must be immediately stopped and exposed for the fallacy it represents.

“Now is the time to accept that life as we know it is about to change in a drastic fear-inspiring way and we might as well learn to protect ourselves and plan for the worst so that we can survive in order to join together and fight back. When you plan for the worst and the best happens then you may enjoy a pleasant surprise. When you plan for the best and the worst happens, you end up having your ass handed to you.”

I wouldn’t necessarily say that it will be in an ‘inspiring’ way. I haven’t found any ‘inspiration’ in this world other than death and destruction for creative processes –  if you are talking about that type of inspiration here. We are way overdue to accept and understand the fact that we require to stop living in our individual bubbles of self-indulgence wherein we’ve become so used to ‘the world as it is’ with its ‘flaws and charms,’ without ever really daring to question WHY we have accepted the world as it is and HOW we are all equally responsible for the current conditions of abuse we’ve imposed on to ourselves and everything here.

This world is already drastically changing indeed and the level of extinction of fauna and flora is a measuring point that gives us direct feedback of the level of destruction we’ve generated while following our dreams and desires, doing ‘everything we can’ to make an ideal imposed by the media and ‘education’ that began at home, our reality. We learned that we had to become ‘successful’ and reaching the ultimate state of ‘happiness’ and ‘success’ which is as elusive as the concepts of freedom, free-will, bliss, love, justice and any other concept that has been imprinted as ‘ideals’ that have never been lived as the actual agreements and relationships applied toward each other.

We’ve been living in a sugar coated reality of which the inside is starting to rot  and the pungent smell is seething out, reaching those that had lived in perpetual ‘safety nets’/ personal heavens where ‘everything is fine,’ which is how this type of articles are now ‘hitting home’ for many that used to boast on living in ‘the land of the free. ‘ And this must not be understood only as a criticism toward the ‘American Dream’ as we – people in the rest of the world – have managed to accept and copycat the same standards and general aims promoted by the capitalist system (American Dream.) Therefore we are all equally part of keeping our own trap in place.

Preparing for the ‘worst case scenario’ shouldn’t come with an expectation of having a ‘pleasant surprise’ as expectations are usually forms of self sabotage wherein you would then require a second ‘bail out’ to a second-layer of ‘worst case scenario’ in case you don’t get your ‘pleasant surprise’ in place. It’s very clear here how we have conditioned our self-movement, actions and self-direction upon having a controlled outcome or at least a general ‘outline’ of what we will be ‘getting’ wherein we are able to be rewarded. This is how we have always sought to ‘get something’ in exchange, we are always seeking to win and ‘overcome’ whatever adversity we have accepted and allowed as real in the first place, which can only be ourselves fighting back at us.

‘Fighting back’ is the recurred usage of words to abdicate self-responsibility and view ‘them’ as some form of ‘evil’ and ‘enemy’ outside of ourselves. In this we are in fact denying our responsibility within the creation of this current social, economical and political structure wherein we have neglected the fact that we can create a sustainable form of supporting ourselves as Equals, just as it always should have been.

Protectionism is fear based and is  another form of control to keep ‘the masses’ peacefully believing they are ‘saving their ass’ while diminishing their ability to respond– take self-responsibility – for the current conditions we are living in as the world – this means that it is the perfect implementation of ‘divide and conquer.’ People in power have obviously learned this point very well wherein they will stimulate your fear/desire of survival as ‘protectionism’ and promote it as a way to ‘guard yourself and those that you love,’  either family or friends usually, which will create a false sense of comfort based on ‘protecting’ yourself from a perpetual evil that has been self created all along.

When we break-through fear, we become actual stronger beings. This is exactly what people don’t want to realize because the more we see and open our eyes to the reality we have accepted, the easier it will be to realize that we have been brainwashed all this time and that  we can in fact create a change by the single fact of having been living in a system based on blatant lies and abuse for such a long time without ever pondering ‘why’ we are living in such disparity, suffering and abuse if the Earth and what is here is not charging us at all for what we eat and require to live.

The only motivation must be based on Equality as the realization of who I really am, and this ‘I’ includes all as one as equal – though this is not to get all emotional and sympathetic, it’s an actual realization that I am equally responsible for everything in this world: the abuse, the negligence toward all other life forms, the disregard of realizing that every other human and living being is also myself as well as the acceptance and absolute compliance to the current system which is capitalism.

Now within this context, denigrating Equality to a form of ‘massification’ can only reveal a lack of understanding of what the word implies as a living realization of who we really are. This is not a problem because we were all in the very same condition after having been equally brainwashed by our so-called authorities in this world – parents, teachers and the general structure of this world- as well as the money that dictates how everything moves, who lives and who dies.

Any proposal presented by someone and it’s not based in common sense, will pose a threat to humanity instead of an actual solution – this is by simple deduction.  (If it’s not advocating best for all then there is a set of special conditions applied only for some = separation.)

I invite you and anyone reading this to take a moment to learn about what I am saying here, check out the links below which are two websites that will change your life if you have agreed with some or all of the points I’ve exposed in this blog.

I don’t speak for ‘myself’ only, I speak and direct myself within the common sensical perspective that anyone could express in equality just by the fact of being another living being in this world. This  is how we measure our equality,  see for yourself.

http://www.destonians.com

http://www.desteni.org

http://www.equalmoney.org

http://wiki.destonians.com

words


Seeking God is a money-driven scam

Religion promotes self interest, focusing on a set of beliefs that are directed to fulfill those  ‘spiritual needs’ that a human being is seemingly bound to experience on Earth.  Such ‘fulfillment’ is linked to obtaining that which we’ve equated our ‘happiness’ to, which can only be real if you have the money to give it to yourself. Eh, so where was ‘god’ in the entire equation anyways?

This is a special extra-lengthy sunny god Sunday edition partly influenced by a chat we had earlier and because of having at  least some 3 to 4 churches in a peripheral area of less than a kilometer – one around the corner by the way– where after coming home from a walk I imagined having to go to one of those rites and sit flat listening some man perorate on how ‘god’ will save you and you must repent and feel shitty for your sins. Glad that this was never my type of Sundays, though I did go through the entire god-seeking experience.

The fact that religions are popular is because they are seemingly promoting the ‘good will of man’ through being ‘benevolent’ toward fellow human beings and kind of earning good-karma – o sorry that’s the wrong religion – earning sufficient patting from god that will eventually draw you closer to the golden gates of paradise a.k.a.  salvation, which in the eyes of regular mortals like you and me that’s equated to being eternally blissful and existing in a happy ending that’s being promoted by both the Vatican and Disney alike.

Forgiveness is promoted as something that you ask for – as if you weren’t able to give it to yourself and require your master’s permission for that or something along the lines; then told by your pastor / herd manager to do the pertinent retribution after which you’ll feel ‘so good’ that you’ll drop some of your coins around as a gesture of gratefulness for experiencing such an easy brainwash and go back to ‘feeling good’ or at least less guilty. Sounds ludicrous now in terms of ‘asking’ for forgiveness, though this is it all works  in the world of mastering-manipulation through religious ‘principles.’

Within that, another type of indirect way of clearing your aura from past sins is paying your Sunday tithing where your benevolence is measured (me-assured) according to the number of zeros your bill has – yes, there we already have  a commercial per-chasing situation of paying-buying that involves money. You pay according to the amount of pain you’ve caused  for your sins with a set of prayers where words lose all possible meaning, where you talk yourself to ‘feel better’ without ever even daring to see/ acknowledge  the cause of committing such actions in the first place.  Then there’s the ultimate blissful moment on Sundays where a specific song is sang and the basket comes along your way:  you have to ‘pay’  for such absolved sins with actual money which will ensure you a seat in the front row on your way to heaven. Now you’re saved, forgiven and smiled at  by some man that heard your atrocities while, I’m sure, he’s done that and sometimes even more than that. This is based on real experiences and facts that I won’t discuss here, though I’ve had my trail on ‘religion’ and the power that they hold in fact – by power meaning money obviously which allows them to be so popular in conditioning the minds that seek for salvation and forgiveness instead of giving it to themselves.

How else would religion become the greatest corporation or monopoly around the world if it wasn’t through tackling on human’s feeble minds that seek a god to take responsibility for them while being willing to pay for a quick mind fix and feel ‘good’ about it all?  Imperialism. Oppression of those ‘weak minded pagan people’ that they eventually turned into the most fervent Catholics on Earth. It’s was only through a constant and consistent indoctrination – which also involved actual physical and verbal abuse – that religion was able to be accepted as equal to the executive and judicial powers of a nation.

Even if the catholic church/ Christianity promote ‘asking for forgiveness’, the saint inquisition as a subdivision of the Catholic Roman Church was one of the first institutions that promoted a form of capital punishment through the inquisition directed to those that refused to accept ‘god as their savior’ – might be confusing the motto with Islam, but it’s all the same anyways. There you would have heretics punished with the most vile artifacts I’ve ever seen in my life, all of them forming an exhibition that even after it is promoted as the actuality that it was – meaning coming in the combo of Christianity’s imperialism tactics to ‘reform’ those that failed to comply to the ‘one and only true god’ – people are still following such institution with a literal blind faith.

Why does religion doesn’t speak about self responsibility? Self Honesty? Well, because in the very depths of their agenda they must keep you bound to the idea that ‘you need them’, that ‘you need your god’, that you require to go there every Sunday to check out your neighbor’s wife – I mean, to check how bad/good you’ve been in that week, feel sad and miserable about it for the hour or so that the entire charade lasts and then leave  after having accepted that it was your fault and apparently repenting which will leave you with  a ‘clear conscience’. All of this after having left your juicy tithing which gives you the sensation of being now ‘freed from all your criminal activity’ during the week and so, you’re ready to do it all over again!

See, in any of those moments do we actually take  a look at the world outside of ourselves? One is only seeking for salvation, feeling better about oneself = not so miserable and creating a false sense of comfort through asking for world peace or hungry kids to be fed yet doing nothing in fact to promote solutions or expose the reality as it is. Why? Because the almighty belief in a god is more powerful than any common sense that won’t ever be shared in churches as that would be like setting their own boycott to have empty seat from the following Sunday on.

Self empowerment is then promoted by the seemingly counter-act to the orthodox religions which is spirituality. There you got the universe – not a single god – giving you all that you want while enhancing your ability to be ‘at ease’ and ‘in silence’ while the world is apparently just fine. In spirituality you’re also seeking to save your ass and sit on it for a while trying to ‘connect the source’; you also want to get to be with that godhead that some love to define as an ‘energy’ or an omniscient being that, ‘at least,’ is not defined by having long hair, blue eyes and a prominent beard – yet in essence the same stories and roles  as hierarchical systems are  lived and applied. Any real self empowerment and self realization would pose a threat to any religion/spiritual congregation because it would  free people from having to ‘follow spirituality/ being spiritual’ and consuming all of that which promotes ‘being at peace with yourself’ through blindfolding techniques where it’s definitely easier to sit on your ass and meditate yourself ‘till you’re feeling something fuzzy inside, than facing your own thoughts and the exact nature that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to exist as, which is not ‘good’ or benevolent, otherwise religions wouldn’t exist in the first place as they are the result of fear and abdication of self responsibility to a ‘higher being’.

When I was a child I would pray everyday on the way to school from day one up to when I finished elementary school. Looking back it’s fascinating  how in that moment I would get a feeling that I was doing something ‘good’ while praying for starving kids to be fed, yet at the same time asking for us (family) to win the lottery and get that huge house that meant the equivalent to ‘happiness’ on Earth at the time. So in essence asking ‘god’ for things in the same manner I would when blowing the candles on each Birthday cake.

My family wasn’t that religious, though this ‘our holy father’ prayer was something usually prayed as it seemed somewhat ‘real’. It would feel like something ‘solemn’ to do everyday – what a load of crap because the entire thing is about someone/ god doing stuff for us and preventing us from doing shit and giving us all – I mean, there is no actual sense of supporting each other as equals in it, or considering life as the only value, speaking, writing and communicating that which is of support to others and ourselves; I see no sentence that includes plants, animals and the environment as part of the equation in such prayer. It’s never worked obviously, I never won the lottery and starvation hasn’t been eradicated either.

I was taught to do this – I followed, that’s all I knew. I got to know of other ‘god’ ideas which I then felt fortunate for, almost like a chosen one for having this ‘direct link’ with the ‘realm of the death ones’ due to being familiar with channelings and spirituality. The fact that I kept that as secret and that we as a family would keep it as a secret reveals what type of cult it really was, really only a few knew about it yet it all seemed so real. Being familiar with the ideas/ beliefs of having these type of ‘privileges’ such as having people apparently ‘watching over me all the time’ created a sense of ‘god is watching me, I must be a good person or else I’ll be damned’ – the fear of god developed and within that, I got to know this world and the system for what it is.

Ludicrous that god as the policeman in the head is taught in religions. Some can even use the idea of god to educate their kids like ‘don’t swear or you’ll make baby Jesus cry!’

I never had crosses in my house – because of this entire spiritual thing that we were into which now I see it was no different with its own set of rules and secrets around it – but anyways, seeing them in my friends’ houses made me ponder how people liked seeing gory representations of a man with nails on hands and feet while agonizing in what evidently seems like a very painful death; then daring to carry them  around their necks and shaping them with all sorts of materials and motives – ludicrous. Yet at the same time I was mostly living with the fear of others’ negative vibes and ‘jealousy’ and essentially being aware of not doing anything that these ‘beings’ could see and later on recriminate myself with. It was ludicrous, they ‘knew it all’ and because it would be ventilated in front of everyone in my family, I’d rather focus on keeping my reputation somewhat clean.

That’s how I grew up with the fear of a ‘god’ as the punisher and the beliefs of asking for whatever you want that will make you happy while not forgetting to ‘drop a line’ to bless the people in Biafra so that they can  have something to eat.

From there my delusions on spirituality only escalated even beyond the spiritualism and channelings that I had grown up with. They became more elusive which was in direct consonance to my lifestyle of escapism while trying to make sense of this world, wanting to make my life have a certain ‘purpose’ or ‘meaning’ which was linked to me feeling like a chosen one to create my own religion. Lol. I became quite a nutjob for a while when seeking the truths and the ‘real salvation’ from this world. Nothing made sense yet there were patterns repeating all the way. That’s how when getting to Desteni everything fit, like the that  puzzle that I wouldn’t have ever been able to put together alone. I would sometimes feel like the hermit looking for some answer that only a fool could dare to embrace.

The point that I originally wanted to share here is how religious indoctrination should be regarded as mind control and harmful brainwashing as it enables children to believe in fantasy-like stories as their source of existing here; beliefs on ethereal beings that are apparently caring for you becomes quite the hair in the soup when we grow up and see that there are other people that are not exactly being ‘cared for’ and have to actually strive for a living. This creates a rift between the reality that is here and the stories that are told ‘as real’ within religion – and by religion I should ratify and clarify that I’m referring to the one that I was familiar with which is the catholic one. We are taught to be thankful because ‘we’ have what we need and for that, we’re taught to feel grateful and special because  the good old god ‘cares for us’ –  but what about the rest of the world?

Through such blessings and prayers we’re taught to ask for that which will ‘make us happy’, for that which will ensure that we are ‘safe’ and even healthy while still aiming to sit next to the holy father of god. Lol what a fuckup really. I can only say that promoting the idea of a benevolent god and indoctrinating that onto a child can only make you complicit of an atrocity that leads to the creation of irresponsible and airy-fairy human beings that believe that someone will do the job for them, and that anything ‘good’ that happens has been an act of the ‘divine forces’ that are now giving results after years of prayers to ‘get it’ – never actually questioning why isn’t the same ‘fortunate position’ not available for everyone equally?

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place my life at the ‘hands of god’ and creating a massive delusion within me as my life thinking that someone is always ‘taking care of me’ – within this developing a sense of being ‘special’ as well as being observed which unfolded in an irrational fear of god that then became the reason to ‘be good’, which stems from such initial fear.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create myself as the idea of a ‘benevolent person’ only out of ‘fear of god’, fear of being exposed for the ‘real intentions I had’ and exposing the nature of the deeds that I would hold in my mind in secret because of the threat they posed to my falsely created integrity.

It’s such a fuckup that we indoctrinate kids with morality, it is ludicrous for all the shit that it develops which is primarily fear of being punished or exposed or ‘falling from the grace of god’ if one is a bad bad kid. There must only be one single morality point: what’s best for all to end all poles of good/evil.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to motivate my life and ‘good actions’ as points and ‘credits’ that I would be seemingly saving and keeping a record of by this apparent god so that I could get to be eventually saved and having a great afterlife in this elusive paradise where I could finally get my ‘reward’ for being a ‘good girl in this world’.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to motivate me to move, to only do things and act in ways that were ‘good’ or seemingly ‘benevolent’ out of self interest only, out of accumulating my good-god points and later on ‘good karma’ wherein the underlying expectation of getting the same in return existed as a secret desire within me.

If we could’ve actually realized that it is possible to give and take openly as an equal and one relationship, there would be no need to expect rewards for ‘doing something good’ as it wouldn’t be labeled as ‘doing good’ or not, it would just be the way that things are conducted and lived in an Equality world – there no morality would be required, no expectation to get things in return but simply giving and taking within the same principle of equality as life – as what’s here.

We’ve compromised ourselves so much with creating certain attitudes that are seen as ‘goodwill’, developing quirks and mannerisms, words and appearances that will follow the norm of how ‘good people’ look and act like. It is not true, ‘good people’ are as equal as the most experienced scavenger like person that is seeking to get something out of something/ someone else – they only have different masks and accepted roles, but the essence of the final motivator to do so is the same in nature.

Daring to see this single aspect of ourselves might be tough for some, simply because we realize that we’ve never actually moved ourselves as an actual act of self-realization meaning self movement, but it was always motivated to obtain or become something/ someone of perceived ‘well-beingness’ and more often than not, of power and success = rich people = money.

So religion and its indoctrination is brewing hypocrisy in the world from head to toe. It is teaching that imaginary people are seemingly watching over you while fulfilling your dreams and making you all pampered and cared for, which  generates an inner conflict when realizing that there are billions of people that don’t ’ know ‘god’ because they’re not being pampered or cared for. This is how we discover the fact that we’ve been taught lies wherein parents are the ones that are responsible for, because the child knows nothing and has no idea of how to walk in the world – it is only through parents that they accept what they say as ‘fact’ and ‘truth’. As the child grows up we can expect him/her to not trust their parents ever again and do their own exploration and realizations to see what makes sense once they step into reality and see how it actually functions – this is though the most preferable way it goes, sometimes it turns out in further self abuse and confusion of what this world is and what living must be about. This is then linked to money of course and once that money is seen as the main driving force for religions and the idea of such god to exist, the idea of any altruism or benevolence is debunked.

That’s how at Desteni we are presenting common sense solutions that don’t require a single point of belief to be understood. The practical points of understanding how we exist and function in our reality can be cross referenced by anyone by directly investigating our reality, being our own reality-checker with regards to how relationships operate, how things ‘move’ within ourselves as experiences wherein we’ll always get down to seeing the accepted and allowed ‘nature of man’ in the current system as the source of such convenient belief or idea that motivates seeking one’s ‘heavenly experience’ in one way or another.

“All I want in life is to be happy” is what guides our actions, this is the real fucker that must be seen from all angles; even in walking this process if there’s but a single expectation of ‘making it,’ we expose it to ourselves for what it is as that would indicate we’re still playing the religion game, expecting something/ someone super natural to do things for us.

Exposing this is the least we can do to make sure more people are able to step out of the self-created see-through crystal box wherein we cage ourselves while believing we are free, because ‘the barrier’ is just so thin and clear. In fact the entire monetary system can be viewed as that single crystal clear barrier between ourselves and others. We believe we have free choice, we believe we have free will but in essence we’re just like rats in a cage as well, not even questioning the in or out as such comfortable status quo of never questioning reality is more enjoyable than having to go through the rather ‘uncomfortable’ realization of it all being a blatant lie. This is how I’m sure that many, many people would rather spend their days lying to themselves – even if being fully aware of doing so – than having to give up the illusion of happiness and fool-fill.ment that the single idea of god or someone watching over your head might provide –  yes, in some sick sense of our ‘spiritual requirements’ to not feel alone.

This has turned into another buybill as part of my white past seeking the holy-lies that would make me have such connection that I sought with all my might for something ‘divine’, something ‘out of this world’ that could give me a reason to exist and be. This is how I got to disregard all human aspects of reality, I deliberately neglected them to ensure I remained focused in this elusive spiritual realm that I thought I’d reach by being a ‘good god servant’ in a meek and positive way.

I perorate this religious rant with the following:

Self Respect is Not promoted through religion as you have to turn the other cheek before you realize you have to stand up for yourself and prevent any form of abuse in the first place.

Self Responsibility is not promoted through religion because you can ‘ask’ someone for forgiveness, but never give it to yourself as a way of realizing your own fuck up and being the real ‘master creator’ behind your experience.

Self-Trust is never promoted in religion as that would imply you wouldn’t require to pray and go to church to have your ‘god’ giving you all the strength and might that you can’t apparently give to yourself. You are encouraged to ‘trust your feelings/ heart’ which is only but a physical organ that doesn’t think, another delusion promoted by religion/lightworking malarkey.

Self Honesty is never part of your religious curriculum because realizing yourself as one and equal would debunk the imposition of hierarchy that keeps the chains of religion tied to each one’s feet.

Self Will is not promoted as you have to ask for courage and a certain reward in the way to move yourself to do anything in this world, otherwise ‘what would be the point of it all?’

Self Forgiveness is NOT promoted by religion of course, otherwise the priest would be prescinded and lose his job as the special pastor in the church of your preference, he wouldn’t be able to rejoice with the money that comes ‘indirectly’ as part of ‘paying for your sins’ besides existing in a personal inflated state of having some type of powers conferred on to him to hear other people’s dark deeds and be able to ‘absolve’ someone’s fuckups. Forgiveness is then ‘asked’ and not realized as part of taking Self Responsibility for our actions and consequences.

Self-Support is not promoted in religion as you are often led to and taught that you must ask God to give you the strength and you must follow an entire brainwashing session to make sense of this world while believing that an all-mighty invisible hand is guiding your actions and making you go through some nefarious experiences just to teach you a lesson, from which you’ll either come up to the surface again or die in the bottom of such situation. Yet apparently ‘god’ and his ‘mysterious ways’ have planned that specifically for you to realize one of those morals that will apparently change your life.

Self Investigation is not supported – knowing yourself is only ‘god’s task’ as he/she/it knows why things are placed on your way. It is taught that stuff ‘happens to you’ yet you  are apparently not the creator of them all, but only the victim that can then ask for forgiveness and keep going to church to renew their desire to ‘get to god’ and be eternally happy.

Self correction is certainly NOT promoted as that would imply that you could become a common sensical living being that would not require to go and self-flagellate each sunday, asking for forgiveness and paying money for your sins. You would eventually realize that all that you require is correcting your patterns and habits to start acting in ways that will  support you and others equally which would demerge your relationship with ‘god’ as a necessity in your life to act in ways that are best for all = you become your own god.

Self Realization is NOT supported as you’d see that if Oneness and Equality are the principles of this world,  you are then one and equal as any idea/concept of ‘God’ and as such, you see yourself as the responsible one for all that is here – the marvelous and the fuckups. Now the act must be cleaned up to create a tabula rasa for kids to step into a world where all past can be only remembered as a hell of a nightmare to never repeat it again. At last a god-police free land forevermore.

This can only be done through the Equal Money System where all religions are given and end as we simply realize: we can give it all to ourselves in Equality.

weakness


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