Category Archives: self acceptance

565. Comfort in Expression

Or looking back at my expression towards others before and where I’m at currently with it thanks to the Desteni Process 

One of the benefits of walking this process is the ability to realize to what extent our relationship to something or someone ‘outside of ourselves’ is entirely dependent on the kind of ‘self-work’ that one has walked. For example upon meeting new people or getting to be in contact with someone I met quite a few years ago for the first time, I saw how comfortable I was in the whole situation and I looked at the point of taking this ‘comfort’ for granted or in a way kind of ‘forgetting about the process’ that I’ve walked to get to this point of what I can define as ‘relatability’ towards other people, whereas before I definitely was the kind of person that would first analyze all the knots and bolts of the person and carefully assess ‘who I should be’ in relation to them and start molding or acting (manipulating myself) accordingly, usually in an attempt to be liked, accepted by them or sometimes to actually ‘shut down’ all forms of possible interaction, which I definitely had done in the past towards certain people as well in my ‘pickiness’ towards others.

I looked at how through understanding and walking the process of self-acceptance, self-expression, taking judgments back to myself and learning to consider others I’ve been able to be quite comfortable in what I deem would have otherwise been a somewhat ‘uncomfortable’ situation in the past, as in being too ‘unpredictable’ to the point where I have no ‘control’ over it and therefore being caught up in a series of fears and ‘what ifs.’ And that’s how I realized that this is not the case ‘this time around’ in my life and I even check myself to see if I am suppressing something or if I am kind of putting up a front or something but nope, there’s no ‘noise’ within me as I would call it, which I would have definitely experienced many times before when interacting with people in a close manner.

That’s how I got to see that through me having been working – and still continue to do so – with my judgments, ideas, beliefs, personalities, characters, suppressions, expressions and essentially ‘everything’ that I had lived as ‘me’ in the past and working on redefining and living the version of myself that I want to be, I’ve been able to definitely change the way that I relate to others and that it definitely stands as the person that in a way I always wanted to be, but I had ‘clogged’ that with a lot of patterns, fears, limitations before, which are all the points that I’ve been walking through these nine years of walking the Desteni Process.

I have simplified and made things like new relationships so much easier in my life, because there are no fears in the background or ‘noise’ related to judgments and even if they appear, I write them out, see them for what they are, establish who I decide to be instead of ‘judgments’ and live the expression, test it out and then see, ah it works! And keep walking to rather focus on living that which is here, it’s me expressing, comfortable, embracing yet continuing to observe myself in relation to other people and being aware of which other points I can look at, change, open up and also communicate to cross-reference my own experience.

I know this might sound a bit abstract for some, but it all has to do with the continued application of the Desteni tools of writing, developing self-honesty, giving myself the gift of self-forgiveness and the actual ‘second chance’ to live life in a different manner through establishing living words.  I’ve been able to see how cool and beneficial it’s been to be working on all the ‘nitty-gritty’ details of myself in order to pave the way for points of self-creation that I can face and work on now with relative ease.

I don’t want to make it all sound ‘too simple’ because what I am currently living and sharing is more like the result of several years of self-dedicated personal investigation, exploration, trial and error situations that I’ve actually learned a lot from and that I am very grateful for, because otherwise I would not be where I am ‘at’ right now.

In any case I share this as well for anyone that may experience walking this process as something that seems to have ‘no end’ or where one cannot get to ‘taste the fruits of the labor’ just yet, and I can say that yes it takes time, it’s not easy at first, it’s very challenging at times in terms of fears, emotions and the rest of ‘growing pains’ that come with it. But one thing is certain: one does get to see the results and reap what one has sown. This is nothing else but action and reactions, cause and consequence, input and output mechanics of this process which is also why I want to share how all the dedication, the consistency, the perseverance, the discipline and self-work that one inputs on oneself is a substantiation process that one may not immediately see in terms of ‘big changes’ right away; as with everything, it is a process and it takes time to even have a point of reference to ‘look back’ and see how one has in fact changed here and there.

I’m quite satisfied with myself at the moment in relation to that ability to be comfortable, stable, embracing regardless of ‘others’ or ‘the contexts’ and at the same time continuing to expand upon meeting new people or establishing new relationships, whereas I can see how ‘tortuous’ that was for me in the past. All I can say is that this comfort, ease and enjoyment is the way I’d definitely would like every person to be able to experience life and themselves as, because it’s so much simpler and even enjoyable. Though, of course, we cannot ‘jump right into the self-perfected version’, it’s all a process and that’s got a great reason for it as well: to understand and so take responsibility on how we created our limitations, our fears, our ‘flaws’ and the rest of obstacles for our self-expression in order to get to see and practice living in a different way, creating different habits and patterns instead the ones that we had been deterred by before.

I am also aware that I would not be the kind of person that would say ‘I’m quite satisfied with myself’ before, because of considering that it sounds a bit too self-glorifying, but I’ve also learned to appreciate and recognize myself, my own process walked here and being ok with sharing more of the practical results than only the problems, which I sure will continue to share as they emerge in my life experience. But for now this is a self-appreciation note and an encouragement for anyone that might be reading this and might be caught up in a very emotional or turbulent time in their lives where it all seems like having ‘no way out’ or being about to ‘give up’ on yourselves. Hold on, there is a way through, keep at it, be consistent, don’t allow your fears to deter you, push through it and you will eventually see the benefits of developing that self-will to keep walking this process and continuing expanding and developing self-honesty. As it has been said many times, it isn’t easy, nice, fun, pretty or beautiful at first, but what emerges from that ‘gruesome’ process is definitely worth-living completely.

What comes next though is expanding my ability to continue sharing more of this process and assisting every other person I can to get to realize this for themselves as well, so if you’re interested, check out the Desteni Process, it’s the best life investment you can ever give to yourself.

Thanks for reading.  

 

Relatability

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


551. Walking Through What Wasn’t Done in the Past

Something I got to see and realize today is how I have tended to look at the past and what ‘I didn’t get to do’ within a particular experience of regret or pondering ‘what could have been,’ which created certain outflows that I had deemed to be ‘manifested consequences’ considering that this is about something that I had the time and opportunity to do and walk in a particular timeframe a few years ago and I didn’t get to do so, mostly out of preferring to not go through the process it entailed and considering that I would not require to get it done at the time within my life choices and where I saw myself in the future a few years ago.

However, that was ‘then’ and now it’s a different story where I’ll be looking at walking through that process I ‘left off’ some years ago considering some potentials in the future and within walking a chat with my Desteni I Process Buddy, I realized how I was seeing it as this ‘left off’ process that I was labeling as a manifested consequence and therefore in a way seeing it as something I was partly ashamed of for not walking through it at the time that I could have done it.

I was able to realize how sometimes there are multiple factors that were present at the time that led me to take that decision and who I was at the time, and how now I’m not the same and the context is not the same at the time as it was ‘back then’ and in essence being able to embrace what’s here, what’s required to do without going into any form of guilt or regret about it, because it is so that having made such decision at the time, could have changed my life direction back then.

The realization I had was that many times we regret having ‘lost time’ in not doing something or not directing ourselves in a particular way in the past, but it is definitely so that being lamenting ourselves about our past is not something supportive at all, because there’s nothing to be done about it and carrying it around like a heavy stone is also pointless. I can only focus on what’s here, what I can work with currently and direct myself accordingly.

It was very relevant for me to see this because sometimes I do have the tendency to get ‘hung up’ on the past and in doing so, frame particular decisions as ‘bad decisions’ or ‘wasted time’ but it is so that at the time my priorities were different, my plans were different and at the time I saw no need for it, which has changed at the moment and it’s a cool thing to finally get to do, considering I see it as convenient.

Here also considering the notion of ‘having wasted time’ because I am aware I didn’t ‘waste my time’ back then, simply my priorities and focus was set on a different direction and that’s it, it’s no better or worse – life changes, priorities change, directions change and so I rather adapt accordingly to make the changes, processes and decisions that are needed for it.

It is also supportive in stopping seeing things in a very ‘black and white’ manner as in judging my decision back then, instead of realizing that now it’s a different timeframe, context, possible paths to walk for me where walking a particular process becomes relevant, but it wasn’t so before – and that’s it.

Therefore I share this also as a way to consider those things we left off, didn’t get to complete or do for a particular reason at the time, and there being a moment where the point is ‘here’ again and becomes relevant again, where it’s kind of pointless to lament oneself in relation to something that is ‘gone’ and ‘done’ in the past – it’s definitely much healthier to consider one’s current context and do what’s needed to do, without adding any layer of guilt, regret, remorse, ‘I should haves’ and lamenting oneself about it – because it is so that we change, our life and potential paths change, so I better adapt to the currents in the moment than holding on to a past, while also considering there is a future process to walk as well.

So I can keep in mind how we cannot hold ourselves captive to ‘who we were’ in the past and our decisions ‘back then’ because, if we are seeing things differently now than before it is an indication of how we’ve changed In how we are seeing things now, how as time progress we do have a different context than before within ourselves and in our external reality – so it becomes a bit futile to see our decisions isolated from these internal and external variables, because it usually only leads to seeing things through the mind, through opinions and drowning oneself in emotions ultimately, which is not needed once that one is here in the present moment realizing something that we have to do and simply proceed to do it, no need to give it adjectives or to bash ourselves for ‘what once was’ or ‘wasn’t’ – what we have is ourselves here so, why not simply act on it in the moment and give ourselves a blank slate to get our things done, it’s entirely up to us.

Thanks for reading.

 

denken2

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


522. Standing Up From The Past

Or stopping self-definitions and self-judgments according to my past and focusing on who I currently am in my life

It was an interesting day because for various reasons I got to be recalling  a lot about ‘who I was’ over 10 years ago and what I was like and what I was ‘up to’ around that time. I discussed it with different people for various reasons, one of them being related to music because I plan on attending a music festival for the first time after some years of attending that kind of events, but this time I got a nice offer for it and a free trip to go there through a concert travel agency because of the amount of times I had used their services throughout my teenage years – probably going to some 15 concerts at the time so, they had this promotion that with having over 10 trips with them, one gets a free trip and that’s what I got, which is great! And I truly was doubting myself in going for it, like even seeing myself as ‘too old for that stuff’ lol – but I decided to give it a go and be open for it, regardless of my reluctance.

The point here is how I saw this people after over 10 years and it was quite funny how they remember me – over 10 years ago – yet I also noticed I was genuinely glad to see them too and see that their business has flourished. I also saw an ex-school mate in a store and it was also interesting to see someone – that I would see around on a daily basis during high school – after over a decade which again made me consider ‘the time that has passed’ yet being able to relate to him just because of that common space as high school.  Then I was talking with my mother about ‘the old times’ where I was very much this avid teenager that wanted to be going out to concerts all the time and what was my life back then: music, books, my friends and doing the whole ‘exploration’ of what it means to live at the same time.

I also had a chat with another person about how I used to play guitar and bass and how I once had a band for a little while and the people I used to be friends with, and some other things that led me to ‘bring the past back here’ and even though I enjoyed sharing myself in this, in some aspects or specific ‘topics’ I noticed I was a bit ashamed in relation to ‘how others will see me now’ based on the kind of relationships I had and how I held on to them as if they were really supportive for me, when the reality was that they were not really so. Yet as with everything, ‘investigating all things and keep what’s best,’ even while having been at the time with people that are not that easy going or having certain ‘special ways’ of being generally conflictive or having certain addictions etc. I could also in that moment realize that there were a few things that I did learn about them and that I’ve integrated as part of who I am in my life, things that I saw I liked about them and when applying them in my life it made my relationships with people easier, and I also shared that so as to explain that it’s not like it was ‘all bad’ but also create an equilibrium with some cool points from it all.

I did notice that while going back to over a decade ago in my conversations with people today, I got a sensation first of all of ‘Man, I’m growing old, I’m old! I once was young!’ LOL! Which I actually said out loud to some guys today and it was a funny moment – while others after so many years thought I was only 25 – well! Anyone would be flattered with that but I stand on my age really which is 30 and as much as at some point I really had become like ‘marked’ by some things of my past, it was truly when I started walking this process at Desteni at the age of 21 that I learned to let go of ‘carrying my past’ as a burden and stopping doing everything that I was seeking to do just to now be a ‘better person’ compared to ‘who I was in the past’.

And it was true that my past was ‘haunting me’ as it was explained in a structural resonance alignment research video that I was quite fortunate to get 9 years ago, because it was the first time that I was able to see to what extent I was always carrying my past as a ‘burden’, as something that I could not ‘make peace with and let go,’ and that’s because I was still defining myself, who I am here in the present according to my past, which sounds simple and easy to understand but it was truly in that moment when I heard this video-recording that I realized to what extent I was compromising myself because of ‘holding my past’ in my present, in this moment.

Now, this point of ‘holding the past in the present’ exists in fact as everything that we have become in our minds, it’s the way we think, we do things, we react, how we’ve ‘always’ done something that we haven’t directly changed or aligned within ourselves, that’s still us recreating the past within ourselves. So, at the time I worked quite a lot with self-forgiving all those memories, relationships, experiences, judgments, a lot of the judgment towards ‘all of that’ which I also might be making worse than it actually was, which is also a common thing we tend to do in our minds: blow things out of proportion.

So as I was sharing more about this ‘past time’ in my life, I noticed that there was an inkling of discomfort, very subtle when sharing some of the decisions I made at the time in terms of friendships and relationships and having myself be associated with people that at some level I wish I would not have been associated with, a form of subtle regret. However, at the same time it is part of what ‘shaped me’ and even though I got to see with clarity years later on what ‘drove me’ into those situations in my life and what I compromised of myself within it all, I still can only learn from it and ensure that I do not continue these same patterns.

In this case, unfortunately I do consider I continued repeating similar patterns which I definitely see that I have to be very aware and careful when it comes to who I decide to be in my life which will therefore define the kind of people and relationships and projects and things that I associate myself with.  So, this is a reminder for myself that as much as my past does not define me – and I frankly as I shared about it yesterday, cannot see ‘me’ in the same way that I was in the past – there will still be people that will relate to me based on those memories that they had of myself back then and yes it will be quite a change but, isn’t that actually very cool? That I can share with someone of ‘my past’ and say yes I’ve changed, I’m not the same as the person you once met but it’s still ‘me’ just not in all of those traits and aspects I had, it’s a better version of me.

And that’s what kind of happened when seeing these people ‘from the past’, people that I had not seen in over a decade and I actually also asked where they’re at now, how they have gotten their family growing, their businesses growing, asking how ‘life has been’ in a way where there’s simply a genuine enjoyment at the same time of being able to relate to people ‘from the past’ in my present moment.

I also realized I don’t need to even explain myself of ‘where I’m at’ because I simply relate to them with a genuine gladness of seeing them again, that’s who I decide to be then from now on, which actually also happened last month with seeing a girl that used to be one of my best friends in high school and seeing her was a genuine ‘good moment’ for me even if we don’t keep in touch anymore and that also kind of made me remember ‘who I was’ and how I used to be and behave in high school and almost wanting to say to her ‘hey I’ve changed!’ but it wasn’t needed, I simply was ‘me’ in the moment and let go of ‘how she would see me now’.

So as I’ve shared before, even if I had certain ‘traits’ and personalities before this process, I made sure there was always this constant in me of being able to relate to all people and that’s now what’s coming up even stronger in me as a point of expression, which is enjoyable for me and for others as well, because that’s the world I’d like to also create with all of us, where we can relate to each other and start ‘anew’ every time, be clear within ourselves instead of talking only to ‘memories’ that we’ve held within ourselves about each other and hold on to grudges and past ‘feuds’ and stuff like that, it’s not healthy for anyone, so best way is to forgive oneself for whatever ‘went on’ in our lives and move on to stand clear in our present within ourselves and so towards others.

In essence I had to let go of my judgments about myself, about ‘who I was’ and even when sharing more about the people I related with, to not be afraid to share this because yes, that’s where I was in my life, it does not define ‘me’ currently, it’s not what I’ve continued ‘to be’ up to now yet, there will always be people that were ‘with me’ or part of my past or a time in my life that I cannot ‘swipe off’ completely, I rather make it a point to greet everyone the way I’ve done in these occasions and in general, not holding a judgment up to people, but simply being ‘in the moment’ with them, which also simplifies things a lot in our interactions.

Now it’s about me not fearing that others will ‘define me’ according to who I was or who I related myself with, not that I was ‘the worst of the worst’ either lol, but simply quite different to where I am now. However this is actually a bit weird because I would find it awkward if I had not moved an iota as a person in my life and develop or change in any way over 10 years. It is actually then questionable why I would worry about ‘who I was’ and believing that at the eyes of others I am probably the same I was when I was 17 years old… it doesn’t make sense! It only makes sense if I am the one that is defining people according to how I saw them 10 years ago – now that’s the point here to take it back to myself.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually hold a memory of who these people were in the past and still believe I can ‘know who they are now’ based on those memories, which would be the definition of me doing onto others what I am precisely fearing they would ‘do onto me’ which then I must stop and cease to do within me first of all, because that’s the judgment I hold to myself, about myself and about others that must stop within me here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subtly fearing that others will define me according to who I was over 10 years ago and hold me in that ‘idea’ of myself, and so creating an experience of being ashamed or regretful of my past, of who I was back then or pondering ‘how they saw me’ which again, proves that these judgments are not theirs but only my own, my own ways in which I have gotten to still judge aspects of my life, decisions I made, relationships I had – but I also see that I would not be ‘here’ as I am if I had not gone through all of that which led me to also seek for a way to support myself at the same time and give myself a purpose beyond of all of those things and ways in which I was quite desperately and eagerly ‘searching for myself.’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only judgments that I can in fact look at and change are my own, not anyone else’s, and that if anyone has an idea of myself about who I was in the past and tries to match that who I am now, it’s entirely their process and their decision to do so, I cannot change that at all nor can I control or try and ‘create a new version of me’ so that they know ‘I’ve changed!’ because that’s not the point here either, not about others, all about myself.

What matters here is being clear within myself about all things related to my past, that time of my life while I was a teenager and all the things that I did which might not have been the ‘best ways’ to explore my life, but at the same time I have stood up from that and evolved into the person that I can now genuinely be with and not be afraid of ‘being in my skin’ and knowing who I am and actually genuinely recognizing the worth within myself as life that I have been working on to develop within myself and so in whoever I get to be in contact with.

And that’s much more substantial and why not, valuable for me than any perception, idea, belief or judgment I may hold ‘against’ me based on my past – because I’ve decided that my past doesn’t define who I am in this moment and I’ve mostly ‘shed that skin’ already, which I am glad for and this is also me entering t into 30 years and 6 months of age today and I like doing some of these ‘life recaps’ not only on a birthday but whenever I see the calendar hits the ‘first day of the month’ and I consider that today was an interesting set of events that led me to ‘remember me’ and see what could still come up as a judgment – but it’s definitely not something I get emotional or reactive about, I can easily speak about it as a part of ‘who I was’ – but it’s more of a shame ‘at the eyes of others’ which emerged, so I have to remind myself that what matters are not ‘the falls’ and being defined by ‘who I was’ but I decide to define myself according to the ways in which I have stood up again, in which I am till this day committing to support myself to be the person that I know I can be with for the rest of my life, and continue developing myself for the best.

So I am grateful for my day today where through various interactions and moments with others I was able to open up the ‘box of memories’ and confront others beyond ‘the memory’ I had of myself with them, but genuinely expressing and presenting myself as who I am now, while still being able to relate to them, without trying to ‘re-live’ the old me or anything like that, not needed at all. I was more in a stance of this is me now, this is what I do, this is where I stand and that’s exactly what I want you to be interacting with right now.

And that was nice to do as well in new interactions with people where I could share about my past candidly and simply take a ‘note’ of this slight shame that came up which I’ve realized here in this blog it’s just my own judgments that I need to stop based on ‘the past’ and so focus entirely on who I currently am.

That’s about it for now, point of the day: not to be ashamed or be ‘haunted’ by one’s past, not to allow myself to define me by my past, but rather focus on who I decide to be in this moment, who I decide to express myself as with new acquaintances and older ones that I had not seen in a long time, and that’s in fact all around awesome and self-supportive

Thanks for reading,

Enjoy

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


507. From V-Day to U-Day

 

I read the following quote by Sunette Spies today and I see it as a very important message for all of us to consider in days like today where Valentine’s day has been for many – including myself in the past – a cause of anger, sadness or despair for not being in a relationship, which is definitely not necessary since we all have the ability to redefine how these global-celebrations are lived by each one of us so, here’s her quote:

Yes, today is Valentine’s Day – the 14th of February – globally. I reflected on this day, even with being in a relationship. Looking at the symbolism of the letter V, inspiring me to do this post and also a video soon to come!!! The following opened up for me:

Transforming V to U – V-Day to U-Day. What does this mean?
Even if you are in a relationship – you are still an individual….This is something many forget, neglect, don’t consider or simply haven’t looked at. Being an individual means YOU as who you are as an individual person choose, and every day essentially chooses to share yourself, grow, commit, learn, enjoy, built, create etc. a relationship and / or life with another. In this process, it becomes 1 + 1 = 2: one individual + one individual = a relationship. A trinity is formed. Two INDIVIDUALS creating a relationship.

eVery day should be V-Day and / or U-Day!!! We redefine then the ONE Valentine’s Day we GLOBALLY SHARE as a GLOBAL CELEBRATION of oneself as individual and / or one’s relationship with one’s partner as I do know there is also family days, friends days etc. that are globally celebrated.
YOU CAN OWN VALENTINES DAY!!! In a way of defining and celebrating it for yourself as you see fit – rather than in any way being emotional, judgmental, allowing yourself to go into comparison of others etc.

My message to all this day is: OWN THIS DAY!!! Define and celebrate it in a way that SUPPORTS and EMPOWERS you as a person and how you live. In the end, what will matter the most is your integrity, love, care, consideration and regard as a person towards yourself and others…

MUCH more to come in videos soon to be posted! Enjoy yourself this day as much as any other day…you are ALWAYS WITH YOU!!!” – Sunette Spies

 

Based on this, I’d like to share on the importance of this self-relationship because many times we come to accept and allow the belief that our happiness depends on being with another in a relationship, and sometimes we might even get to live out that type of experiences only to in the end see that without the person, we are still with ourselves and no matter if we are in a relationship or not, what remains is self, here, that we continue to live as and with.

I know, it sounds almost ‘weird’ to say that the first relationship we should establish in self-agreement is with ourselves and that means precisely walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness, self honesty and self-support, having ourselves as our starting point, reason or motivation for it.

Through walking this process for myself, and over time and through the various relationships I’ve had with partners, friends, colleagues, one thing is certain: change and I have been there before in my life where ‘the end of a relationship’ would mean ‘the end of my world’ for some time and it was usually very hard to step back on my own two feet, precisely because I was not focusing on first creating a relationship with myself, in essence living for myself, appreciating me, enjoying me, supporting me first and foremost.

I had mostly lived out a pattern of ‘being there for another’ and through that ‘completing myself’ which is definitely not sustainable, it was not healthy for myself or for another because that’s how dependency is created in relationships. I learned this the hard way, but through walking the Agreements: Redefining Relationships Course while I was alone or without a partner in my life, it assisted me to ground myself in understanding how no matter if I was alone or in a relationship, the focus of support was still on myself. It assisted me to precisely understand what this Self-Relationship is and throughout the whole course I got to see how a relationship is in fact a sum of 2 people, not ‘me completing another’ or me being ‘fulfilled’ by another, I got to see how no relationship that is supportive can last when one is not existing in that self-agreement to support ourselves first.

And this is how the word agreement is used as a way to define relationships where one person in self-agreement, in their own self-relationship can walk with another in the same self-agreement and self-relationship to then stand together and create this agreement of two individuals, a redefined-relationship in fact.

In doing this, one is also better equipped for whichever outcome is in a relationship, no matter the hardships, obstacles, starting overs or break ups. For example, if the relationship ends, sure there is the whole process of having to part ways and get used to being alone again – however this is a much ‘smoother’ process as well when one has a cemented relationship with oneself in self-support and self-honesty, wherein in that self-support and self-agreement one has lived within a relationship, no matter if the other person is no longer there, what one does for oneself as self-support doesn’t change, what one has grown and learned from the relationship remains there as oneself, how one has assisted and supported oneself in practical terms in one’s life and at an emotional level doesn’t change if the other person is no longer there.

Of course there are changes in terms of activities done by both in a relationship and any other practical arrangements in day to day living, but those changes are also able to be faced with more stability, strength and determination when one has already realized that, as Sunette explains, no matter if one is in a relationship or not, we are always with ourselves and that is something that is very cool to understand in the depth that it implies, because then we don’t depend on something or someone else for us to develop ourselves, to grow as people, to change the ways that we know we have to adjust in ourselves, to develop a genuine care for our bodies, our mind and so our lives and plans in it. It is always up to us, regardless of being in a relationship or not.

It’s interesting how we’ve come to accept a notion of ‘void’ or ‘lack’ if one is not in a relationship and allowing it to be a part of self-definition that is usually seen as a ‘lesser value’ or ‘in the waiting for it’ – when the fact is that in doing so, we are suppressing or not looking at the relationship that is by far the most important one in our lives: with ourselves, because no matter ‘where’ we are or with ‘who’ we are, we are always with ourselves and it is ourselves that we will genuinely ‘be with’ for the rest of our lives, which is great as well to realize ‘no matter what’ I always got me, my support, my words to live and my life to continue expanding on.

So, I can wholeheartedly recommend assisting oneself through the Agreements Course, specially if you can identify with what I mentioned earlier as the ‘who I was’ previously in relationships where I would literally lose my ground whenever I had to end a relationship and I’ve found out that this doesn’t have to be that way, one can decide to not give into those patterns and instead strengthen and rekindle – if you will – the relationship to oneself, because it is quite liberating at the same time for oneself and for others to not make ourselves dependent on others to live in self-fulfillment, in self-enjoyment and self-support, wherein we can decide to look at life through the eyes of owning our creation, owning our time of the day every day.

Therefore it is up to us then to instead of going into reactions like sadness or fatalism for being or not being in a relationship ‘with another’, I’d rather say: focus on the relationship with yourself because it’s with you that You’ll live with for the rest of your life, it’s your body, your mind the one that you’ll have to ‘stand through’ and with until your last breath and if we haven’t given to ourselves that actual love, care, consideration, support and enjoyment of who we are as a person, as an individual, alone,  then how can we expect any other person to ‘give it to us’? That’s how love turns to hate which Is what I have explained in a previous blog if you want to check it out.

I suggest embracing yourself and realizing how we are not really ‘alone’ as we are always with ourselves – and at the same time it is also up to us to expand our definition of relationships to others in a supportive manner, expanding this self-agreement in our relationship with any other person is certainly a suggestion here as well, so that no matter ‘what’ goes on in our lives and paths, we always have our ourselves as our own ground, our starting point of self-support, our own self-care and self-love, and in turn be able to give it to others as a genuine expression of ourselves, not as a ‘need’ or ‘lack’ or ‘convenience’ of sorts.

That’s definitely the kind of human beings I’d like us all to be, to be able to stand alone and be self-caring, self-fulfilled individuals that can join paths to create something of support together for ourselves and for others  – yet can function as units or ‘stand alones’ in an equally supportive manner. That’s the real equality equation of 1+1=2 and that’s what I want to continue practicing being and standing as in my life and with others in my life.

Thanks for reading,

Enjoy

 

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Join us in our process of Individuals standing as Equals as LIFE


504. Stepping Out of Comfort Zones

Or looking at the limiting nature of ‘comfort zones’ and why it is necessary to step out of them in order to live to our utmost potential.

Getting out of a comfort zone might seem scary, sometimes undesirable, sometimes plain ‘torturing’ but it is only so based on how we have defined our relationship to that which we have defined as ‘our comfort zone’. Meaning, we all know what is genuinely not supportive for ourselves yet we easily get accustomed to tolerate it, to ‘live with it’ and stopping genuinely questioning what is it that I am in fact accepting and allowing of myself – and others – if continuing existing this same way day in and day out?

However the point in defining this bundle of limitations, stagnations, fears and limitations as ‘comfort zones’ or ‘safe zones’ is definitely unacceptable, which leads us to rather look at who we are in our minds and how in defining limitations, fears, judgments, beliefs that limit our potential as a ‘safe zone’ is indicating the ‘default’ nature of ourselves in our minds, which is definitely not that of support, not that of assisting ourselves to grow and expand, not that of getting out of our predefined and ‘default settings’ so to speak that we are born with as a mind and being in a physical body that carries all the info from our parents plus our environmental influence.

So here I’m deciding to from now on remind myself to investigate and challenge that which I am perceiving as comfort-zone in my life, what seems ‘easy’ for me to do already because even if it is a constant point of support, if it becomes a ‘halt’ in my personal development because I don’t push any further to other aspects or directions, then that’s the moment where I start embracing limitation and stagnation as ‘who I am’ and believe it’s just how things are or how our lives are ‘meant to be’ which are usually accepted as ‘perfectly normal’ reasons as to why we are supposed to remain in one single spot that is comfortable to us in our lives.

It takes courage, sometimes evident ‘shit hitting the fan’ type of consequences to step out of a comfort zone in our lives and I can see it for myself how it may seem like a scary thing to do at first, but eventually one goes realizing that self-honesty cannot exist in a comfort-zone mindset, because self-honesty is about questioning anything that we have defined as a ‘good experience’ in our lives and ultimately with time, one begins to only ‘question’ it but if we don’t make directive decisions to actually challenge the status-quo and step out of our comfort zone out of fear losing the seemingly ‘safe’ or ‘good enough’, we’ll remain looping around the awareness at the same time of there being ‘something more’ to ourselves, a better version of ourselves, a better potential.

Yet, if we at the same time keep a hold of ourselves in a comfort zone in whichever way we have defined it in our lives to be, we are closing the doors to give those first steps into creating a potential, because comfort zone is mostly about remaining in ‘one spot’ and one ‘same zone’ that we believe is good enough or comfortable enough to even try and alter it, change it – because if we investigate further, we fear ‘losing’ something or fear ‘changing’ something but we forget that if our starting point is that of self-honest process of change, then how can we go into fearing that it will be ‘for the worse’ if we apply common sense and self-honesty? And that’s how we can debunk our illusions and limitations.

If there’s a thing that by default – by preprogramming – we fear in our lives is change, fearing the unknown, fearing that which we haven’t even created yet and is existing as this ‘formless future’ that we get scared to face… but, here I question this again, why would we be scared of the unknown when one can instead start becoming more directive in creating our reality – on a day to day basis – once that we let go of the fear to step out of the comfort zone. Meaning we won’t be directed by an experience as a fear or prejudice about ourselves or others, but we will be then making sound decisions that we can test out and live out as points of support for ourselves and see what opens up in doing that.

We don’t usually like or prefer to question our comfort zones, because questioning it and starting to see the reality of ‘who we are’ in them will invariably shake our status-quo, will invariably prompt us to look within ourselves, in self-honesty, and decide if this comfort zone is in fact a place of growth, expansion, letting go of fears and limitations – or if it has become a normalcy point of ‘stability’ but not genuinely taking the steps to get to create and so be our utmost potential.

Once that I establish this for myself in what I just wrote, and deciding to root myself in self-honesty, I see that I cannot fool myself any longer and that I can in fact know which aspects of myself have been stagnant, which aspects I could expand even more and I may not know the ‘ways’ to do this yet, because that is precisely yet to be created, but I can see a direction, a purpose that I will go fine tuning as I go living this decision to step out of the comfort zone, which is actually a cool thing in spite of what may come up in my mind as fears or reasons ‘not to do this’, but how else will we get past our fears, preferences, our judgments, beliefs and limitations other than facing them in our lives and work through transcending them? In this case I also rather have to be thankful for consequences, because how else would I notice these points to change within me and in my life?

Now that doesn’t mean ‘we always have to put ourselves through that which we resist doing in order to face something’ – no, otherwise someone might come up with the idea upon reading this of ‘fearing heights’ and so going to the top of the steepest mountain and test their fear there without considering the actual danger there could be to it if improperly prepared – this is not about that.

This is about those things in our daily lives that we know firsthand we are still living as a ‘repetitive machine’ that lives in memories/limitations of the past, always reacting with the same fears, the same judgments and that’s precisely where stepping out of a comfort zone is letting go of that memory and experience of ourselves as ‘all that we’ve known ourselves to be’ in that moment, and instead, step out of the box and into self-creation, living out the words that we see would be most supportive in that moment – which will be easy to spot at times because it’s usually things we have in fact been wanting to do for a long time or that we’ve learned/seen others do, but feared doing it by ourselves – and then live out that decision to cross the threshold, step into the ‘unknown’ and realize that… we are still here, we remain! After all of that fear, anticipation or resistance to change, one can actually make it through and look back to see the comfort zone as the actual self limitation-zone, the fear-zone, the judgment-zone, the least-potential zone it has always been.

If this is not sounding liberating to you, not sure what will! But to me this is a refreshing way of looking at things, especially when we perceive we are losing something as our comfort zone – and this point was said to me recently as well to not only look at what is ‘lost’ but rather as what is gained as well, since we cannot really ‘lose’ something supportive of ourselves while being in a comfort zone – understanding ‘comfort zone’ now as all the definitions and aspects of it I shared above – we can only lose the fears, the limitations, the beliefs, the dependencies, the judgments, the habits that are not supportive for our lives and instead decide to give to ourselves an opportunity, a new path, a chance to recreate ourselves in a way that we would be willing to live with in self-honesty and that means, ensuring we are not settling for anything less than what we are able to do and live by, because that is represented by default by the movement to ‘stepping out of the comfort zone’ – not just changing to choose a ‘least worst’ either.

Last point here, if we don’t do this for ourselves, who else will? Sometimes life pushes us to redefine ourselves, to change and step out of a comfort zone through consequence and that’s mostly not a nice or pretty situation, but mostly a necessary one if we are on this path to live to our utmost potential.

Sometimes we have to stand as or create that point of ‘out of the comfort zone’ for another to step out of their own limitations and break illusions that were preventing us from facing our ourselves or getting to create ourselves to that best version of that is there as a potential in all of us. This might seem scary to do at first when facing such situations, but if we push through in self-honesty and make a decision to not deceive ourselves any further – as in creating comfort in limitation – then we can find the necessary clarity and realize that as difficult or hurtful as it might temporarily be, ‘growing pains’ is a certainty in this process, yet it is a momentary phase too, it too shall pass and it’s entirely up to us then to decide who we are and what we decide to create once that we decide and live our moving out of our comfort zones.

Words to live in this process: courage, determination and consistency in stepping out of the comfort zones.

Thanks for reading.

 

Very Supportive material at Eqafe.com to review on this topic:

Comfort Zones and Dependency

Challenge Yourself

Fear of Change – Fears & Phobias

Waiting for Change – Reptilians – Part 316

 

 Walking the thoughts as me


471. Self-Forgiveness on Self-Limitation

Or how to see through fears and paranoia within a scenario of facing manifested consequences

 

There are various things that have created an impact on me just in the span of the last 12 hours and I’m seeing things that I considering as clearly before. The context is seeing some of those manifested consequences for the first time in my life quite ‘in the corner of my street’ type of thing which is something entirely new to me to be honest and it’s been happening in various ways around here: so-called threats from cartels asking for ransom, car parts being stolen more frequently in these seemingly ‘safer’ areas and the recent lootings that took place in this side of my city where even a Wal-Mart that is some 500 meters from here had to close down and consequently every other shop was closed yesterday after 6 pm to avoid further lootings – unprecedented for me and everyone else I asked in my environment.

What happens is there has been a raise in fuel price and there are people that in an attempt to spite the government and ‘big corporations’ they have been looting stores, closing down roads that in turn have created much more problems and loss  than any of the ‘goods’ they stole from countless stores nationwide yesterday. I was appalled last night upon becoming aware of this and how easy it is to drive people through fear and paranoia at the same time, but also how the design is not at all responding into ‘what is best for all’ but immediately ‘grabbing what you can while you can’ and not minding at all who gets a consequence for that.

The word resilience opened up yesterday assisted me to remind myself to breathe to not go into the same ‘wave’ of paranoia that everyone around here was… few times I told people to calm down, but it’s not possible to ‘change’ someone just by saying that, it’s still a self-responsibility point. I simply had to embody that stability myself and keep explaining how we don’t have to participate in fear – but to me in my experience it was beyond fear, a sort of sadness to see this happening and how limited we still are when it comes to trying to fix problems.

So here it goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the way to create a solution to the problems is through sabotaging, maiming, destroying and ‘getting it all while you can’ in an attempt to literally ‘fuck’ the people that I perceive are in power and to blame for the recent rises in prices in the gas and consequently potential inflation to come from it – not realizing that spite, blame, maiming and destruction will never be the way to create a solution nor make a ‘statement’ because in doing this, we only show how limited we are in perceiving ‘no way out’ but to riot and be opportunistic against the people that we believe are ‘more powerful’ than us, when in fact it is ourselves that have enslaved each other/ourselves in various conditions in our society – economically and socially speaking – therefore, playing the blame game and trying to ‘punish’ some for perceiving that they have ‘punished ourselves’ is nothing else but playing the victim and so justifying the spite that in turn only creates further loss, further destabilization, panic and paranoia all around that no one benefits from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel appalled upon getting to know that people around me can act in mob styles to be opportunistic about a situation that has become a feud towards the government, where I see the role of people playing a victim, of us all playing a victim, not realizing that we have created the government that we have, that we ARE the government that we have in our very own thoughts, words and deeds at an individual level – and the proof is that what a few in the elite classes do in a ‘legal manner’, the majority in this whole country ended up doing in seemingly smaller scale but with equal consequences – or worse – of disruptions, loss, destruction and in general not realizing that we are playing out the exact same nature as anyone else in a position of power that has abused such position and power, which means: we can’t at all blame anyone for the situation we have co-created, we are ALL equally responsible for the manifested consequences and the only way through is to acknowledge and understand how arbitrary our limitations are, how we have created and imposed them going down the road of fear and control – instead of realizing we can self-forgive and change those arbitrary limitations to create a better outcome that could stabilize everyone’s livelihood and not only that, but pave the way for actual growth and thrive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get trapped in a limitation where apparently we cannot fathom a life without oil, a life without all the stuff that is available in stores and forget about the actual possibilities that can emerge if instead of working together to create mayhem and destruction and ‘fucking the one next to us’ – we could focus on standing together to create solutions, creating what’s best for everyone and that requires a willing decision to understand that any opportunism to ‘trump’ others will only bite us all back in the ass because everything that we do affects us all equally because the problems we are facing are equally created – not only by governments, not only by big corporations, not only by the elites – but each one of us that in our very own thoughts, words and deeds still decides to spite back and take revenge instead of considering what would be most beneficial and best for everyone.

I realize that in situations like that what takes over is the compounded emotions, accumulated frustrations of endless years that usually end up in break outs like this one or revolutions or wars that are never the solution. Therefore, I realize our limitation in how we haven’t learned to cooperate, to join forces for the best for all, to create something together that we can live by and guard ourselves but instead are creating a rebellion against that which we’ve placed and created as our ‘authority’ by design, by acceptance and allowance only to have something or someone to blame for the mess we’ve accepted and allowed and have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain in self-limitation after an entire human history or wars and revolt and civil wars where we haven’t yet learned to decide to cooperate, to unite to create solutions but instead, immediately act based on an emotional outrage that leads to more destruction, more decay and giving a full step back to a very primitive human-nature state of ‘survivalism’ which proves that there is a long way to actual human evolution if we really want to get to thrive in this world – and this requires an actual forgiveness and understanding from those that feel the most oppressed to realize that we have all been equal co-creators of this current situation and that nothing will advance but only worsen if we keep falling into spite, blame, vengeance/revenge, righteousness in believing that we have a right to protest and demand, while remaining victims in a comfortable situation so as to not have to acknowledge that this entire creation and all of its problems are emanating from the same source: oneself, self-separation, self-degradation from life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also be taken over by images seen in the media about the events and generalize and think that ‘the person next to me’ is probably as spiteful as those seen looting the stores, when in fact this is not so, it does not happen every single day and it’s not a majority either. Therefore I forgive myself that I have had a tendency to limit myself and other me’s as human beings by suddenly painting everyone with the same judgment and limitation as in being ‘back to square one’ of human evolution/decay, instead of realizing that this is part of my doomsday character personality that continually has sought reasons, justifications and excuses as to why humanity stands no chance for a world change. I have to stick to being that ‘hope’ of humanity and work on it within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad, appalled and disturbed by seeing the nature of what we can be as human beings wherein it only ‘hits home’ this time because of how close to me it all was, but I’ve seen it happen everywhere else in the world so this is only a proof that I have been living in a comfortable bubble where all ‘the problems’ seemed to be out there/far away from here, instead of seeing that as with anything these outcomes are a potential in all of us to create, we all are equally capable of creation and so destruction – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by the self-imposed limitations when it comes to the current economic and political situation we are in, wherein we have allowed ourselves to believe that the only way out is through chaos, mayhem, destruction, and forgetting all about self-responsibility, our power as creators of this reality to create, to solve, to change the so-called immovable ‘laws’ in our economic and political systems so that we could realize at last that this limitation, this lack, this poverty, these prices, these authorities are all self-created and are standing as a proof of our very own accepted and allowed self-limitation and delusions that CAN be changed if we all decide to do so.

Therefore I realize I can only focus on myself seeing through the veil, seeing through the play outs, understanding them as an outflow of our creation that we all have to learn from and stand up equally – I cannot go changing each person into seeing this, but I am not defined by what others in their own awareness and volition decide to do or not to do, but to focus on what I can do, correct and align within myself, stand by, communicate and suggest as solutions, to not fall prey of fears and paranoia that are part of the chaos that is sometimes deliberately created to then implement ‘new ways of security’ or further control upon the population, which is yet another limitation that we’ve imposed and collectively created upon ourselves based on our seemingly impossible ability to change, to stand as principles and remove the veils from our eyes to see: we’ve all co-created this all, there’s no one more or less responsible in this, we’re all it, we are only spiting ourselves, we are only biting our own tail, we have to stop it and act in supportive ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget living the word expansion as in being able to see through a situation and see the bigger picture, but still fell into a powerless experience within seeing it ‘very difficult’ to step out of this situation in this country – while fully knowing that there are consequences that we are going to be facing and that they can only be but a catalyst to sort out the problems we’ve been dragging for far too long – and realizing that this won’t come at the ‘higher levels’ of our society, but has to start in cultivating all the values that I see are not being considered by the most that seem to be very fixated on waging war against an equal me that we’ve placed as ‘president’ who has become a human piñata where everyone has deposited their own blames towards, which are nothing else but effigies/roles that we’ve elevated to the status of gods and authorities that we have placed deliberately in those positions of ‘power’ to have someone to blame and so abdicate our own collective equal and one responsibility to the whole of our thoughts, words and deeds.

In this I have to make peace with the fact that it might seem like a seemingly small point for me to stand in self-awareness in a ‘sea of trouble’ but, that’s what I decide to be and do and so not fall prey to fears and paranoia, but to remain focused on expanding myself, going beyond the seemingly overwhelming situation so many people got caught up on emotionally on and so acting based on those emotions as fears, spite and self-interest, while realizing that it was mostly a scare happening in the mind because as we spoke of it and sat in the comfort of our homes, they were only situations taking place in some stores and gas stations – so, I have and we have to remind ourselves that there is always a choice in deciding to join the disaster and paranoia chorus or stick to principles and remain settled – and that the more we stand without fears and stability, the more we will realize the actual powers and ability we have to create solutions, so here we have to persevere in our best-for-all intentions and not succumb to the chaos.

This is something to apply both in an internal and external level, because if we look at the driving force behind any form of destruction: it’s of emotions, it’s of the mind, it won’t create any solutions at all, it is only our attempt as consciousness to ‘fix problems’ while being blind to the obvious destruction and consequences this creates and forgetting that we don’t do it to ‘others’ as there are No others, we are all IT, we are ‘them’ and so we essentially are shooting ourselves in the leg.

Therefore, we always have the option to stand up from it in honoring the life that we have, to not follow ‘the mob rules’ within ourselves and live in self-respect – towards oneself and everyone else – or fall prey of one’s deliberately created weaknesses, spitefulness, blame, vengeance that are truly those aspects of our human nature that have been perpetuated generation after generation and thus have to come to a stop here, one by one in our individual decision of who we decide to be – who’s who in the zoo type of decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed upon seeing what fellow human beings can do which can only exist if I am holding an expectation and a judgment toward other people according to what I would like to believe they are, which is also an illusion and the point here is for me to consider yes, the potential that exists in all of us, but also not being blinded by it and trying to color everything in a positive manner but remain realistic in the realization of what’s happening when it comes to facing and creating our own consequences, so as to be reasonable enough, to be careful and considerate enough at the same time.

The key here is then to not exist as judgments upon what’s happening around me and so now is the time where I have to pull my non-existent pants up and apply what I’ve written out many times here and actually get to live that in thought, word and deed while yes, remaining cautious, aware and considerate of how things go around here because that’s just what manifested consequences are: we cannot change them but we can change who we are within and while in it all.

I commit myself to continue expanding myself in seeing through the limitations, the consciousness play outs and wreckage that we’ve co-created and that’s happening at the moment and stick to my own core and stability as the life that I am, as my physical body in holding within myself that potential that exists in me and everyone else that decides to also opt to live their potential for a common benefit – we don’t have to get discouraged by things around us or fellow human beings that decide to spiral down the emotional consciousness way, but stick to principles, stick to common sense, stick to physical groundedness and not get into a smog fog of current situations – but breathe through it, walk through it holding steady to our own truth and responsibility to it all as well as standing as and holding that potential that is here in everything and everyone, it’s up to each one of us to decide what we do and where we stand within it all.

Thanks for reading and let’s keep walking

 

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Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


437. What to Do when Feeling like an Outcast?

Here I share some practical steps to consider whenever this particular experience of feeling left out, feeling like not belonging, feeling like one is being judged by others in a particular group or environment, or that one is the ‘odd one sticking out’ etc.

 

If you’d like to have more context as to how I walked this point of ‘the outcast’ you can read the whole story I wrote some years ago of how I experienced this here: ‘The Outcast’: self-imposed tag

 

Whenever you feel like there is no ‘room’ for you somewhere, as if you simply were being ignored by others or deliberately ‘left out’ – first point is to clear oneself from these perceptions, always realizing that these are perceptions created in one’s own mind, therefore: they are not in fact real. We make them real when living out this self-rejection in fact, which means these thoughts make us want to keep quiet, remain isolated and deliberately not interacting with others, because we are in fact very occupied in our own minds building up the feeling of being the outsider, the outcast. Funny, isn’t it? We actually create our own experience and feed it through thinking. And what I’ve noticed is that if we wait for someone asking us directly to ‘come and share’ or ‘speak’ or ‘join in’ it will not happen that often

Therefore:

Instead of continuing churning the outcast character in the head, take a breath, and make a very physical and decisive step to Participate which practically means: take part in/ be a part of. How? Speak, write, let yourself be read/heard and so known. We often make the mistake of waiting for the right moment to share some perspective or point of view or simply to start the very basic point of communicating, which is also a decision one makes to interact with someone else.

Throughout these first steps, it is likely that some voices in the head of being disliked or not being welcomed, or ‘no one asking for your participation’ to come up. In this: keep on reminding yourself of these being words that one has most likely created over a long period of time in our heads, therefore they are not ‘what people really think’ or are at all disclosing the reality of the situation, they are entirely our own creation, therefore we can stop participating ‘up there’ and rather continue the physical process of writing, speaking, sharing oneself with others.

Also important to note that it is not like these judgments will go ‘easily’ or  ‘go away forever’ with just stopping them once. Nope. We have trained ourselves in our minds to continually have ‘something to say’ as in some kind of judgment, fear  that turns into an anxiety, an insecurity, a bunch of questions about ‘others’ and how they relate to us. But two things are certain: one is that these experiences have been ‘recorded’ in our mind, therefore are self created and as such we can stop participating in them; and the other point is that whatever anyone else holds as a judgment, perception, idea, belief about oneself or others, it is also entirely their creation and so their point of responsibility. This assisted me a lot to take whatever judgments or criticisms for what they are: mind perceptions that have no impact or ‘value’ toward myself, because I have by now gotten to know what I am, what I am not which means: I cannot allow another’s words to define me. Of course unless it is not a judgment and someone is giving some kind of feedback about myself that I could take into consideration as a point of self support, but that is then just that: constructive criticism that one can look further within oneself to see what can we learn from it.

 

Another point that was ‘hard to admit’ at the time is how my own ‘outcastism’ was in fact a point of superiority, waiting for people to specifically ‘ask me’ for something or ‘focus on me only’ or ‘pay only attention to me’ which is quite ludicrous because in this I am in no way being a ‘fair player’ in the interaction, but in fact demanding some special attention and care. Is this self-honest as in really applying the principle of equality where one realizes that no matter ‘who’ is speaking to, ‘where’ one is at, we are all ultimately equal at that level of humanity, therefore there is Always something that connects us, something we can talk about and relate to, just by the fact that we have the ability to communicate between each other as species. It is funny how many times we forget about this and create a wall of judgments between each other that divides us, when these ‘walls’ are in fact invisible, self created and so ‘the wall’ can be self-demolished in one single moment where one makes the directive decision of ‘I am here, I participate, I share myself, I communicate, I unconditionally become part of the moment/discussion/interaction with others. And so, what I noticed is that it feels like taking a dive into a pool where one knows it will be a bit cold, might be a bit of a fright initially, but it gets better once you are actually doing it. This in fact applies to many other things we usually fear to do.

So linked to this, in my case I had to become aware of not stepping on my ‘high horse’ and believing I could only communicate or be friends with or interact with people that were ‘at my same level’ in whatever I defined ‘that level’ to be. Therefore this means the ability to be humble and unconditional when giving these first steps of interaction. What do these words mean? Being able to talk to others or approach a point of communication without having a particular ‘agenda’ behind, a particular intent or point of personal interest that could be already ‘clouding’ one’s ability to be clear in what we want to say. This personal interest also includes those judgments where we are Only considering oneself, as if everything revolved around ‘me’ only, when in fact what I’ve found is the best way to initiate any interaction and virtually be able to approach any person and talk to them is by being very stable and quiet in oneself, and sticking to the moment: not having any ‘desire’ – therefore unconditional – behind the communication other than making it a clear decision to speak, share, communicate, write yourself in an interaction with another, scheduling meet ups with others etc.

 

These are some considerations where the focus is on the ‘what to do’ or what kind of words can one live to get out of the ‘outcast’ experience and instead ‘cast’ oneself to participate in the communication and interactions with others.

No need to ever desire to ‘be a part of’ because we are Already a part of this world, everything and everyone here. It is more like realizing that no one else is supposed to ‘make space for you’ or tell you that ‘you belong’ because that only creates an idea or experience, when in fact, there is no need for that. I’d rather suggest realizing that I am here, therefore I am part of life and this world, therefore I accept myself as that part that I am in this life and take part in co-creation by establishing communication, contact with others.

There is nothing more fulfilling in fact than deciding to step out of one’s shell and connecting with people. Nowadays, there is no excuse really because we live in the ‘era of communication’ and it is frankly a bit absurd that the ‘internet era’ and generations could become more isolated behind the gadgets that are supposed to unite us. Time to use them to do just that: to connect with each other, to share, to speak up, to unconditionally let others know who we are and what we are up to in this life, no need for ‘special’ experiences or hidden agendas in this, but rather taking it as a statement of honoring that part of life that we are and the space that we breathe as part of life, of everything that is here.

And so, because we can all learn from each other, let me know your feedback if you do apply some of these points and how you find out they work out for you. These are only some aspects I’ve applied – and continue to apply – myself whenever the ‘outcast’ or ‘feeling left out’ experience creeps in, then I decisively step in and ‘let me share me’ – lol. So, I share also the links from others that have been sharing about this topic as well, which is great because it broadens our awareness on how this particular ‘mindset’ can exist and develop within ourselves.

 

Recommend to read/listen to them:

Day 1100: Outsider
How does it work? Fostering a connection with someone

Outsiders – day 695

Day 577 – Do I not belong?
Day 39 – Feeling Like an Outcast

Life Review – The Outsider

 

Best to stop the ‘self imposed’ tag as an ‘outsider’ and instead ‘cast’ oneself into taking part of living and connecting, communicating, relating to others which is also the way we can learn so much more about ourselves, which would not be possible if one deliberately isolates oneself.

 

 

If you don't try nothing will ever happen

 

 

Learn more about this and Join in:

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


424. The Importance of Resolve

 

Sometimes we embark ourselves in a decision to change something about ourselves, to stop a particular abusive pattern, to align an aspect of our behavior or to cut ties with particular relationships, however what tends to happen is that we’re not entirely successful with this endeavor if we are missing a key ingredient to make it work: resolution.

 

 

This came up as I was writing on a personal matter that has ‘haunted’ me in my dreams for a long time now in relation to a specific past relationship in my past,  and I have been throughout time applying self forgiveness on the various aspects that mostly come up in dreams and I have wondered: but why is this STILL coming up? Isn’t it sufficient to have walked on this point for over seven years whenever the same comes up? And so I was looking at the word that I was missing, a clue on what I wasn’t fully considering in this process applied to this particular past relationship and the word is Resolve – and as I was reading the definition of course it clicked: I require to have an unwavering, firm, absolute stand in relation to the actual closure of this point within me in my mind and the decision of who I decide to be toward this point in my reality.

What I realized is that I had probably written a lot about it and I understand the reasons why it comes up, but it’s funny that I made it a bit something ‘more than myself’ as if it was something ‘more powerful’ or ‘sticky’ in a way that made me still dream about the same point in various ways and perceive it as something that would take ‘forever’ to let go of  or give closure too, and even speculated on why this point is ‘so strong’ which is not recommended lol, well at least it brings up further points for self forgiveness on other ideas, beliefs, perceptions as the reasons we give ourselves to make the point ‘more than us.’ However, as I was reading the definition of resolution, it all clicked, the simplicity of the solution was in fact in the word resolution: I realized that I had in fact left some kind of ‘open back door’ in my mind wherein I could still in some unconscious way ‘leave a possibility open’ for me to still hold on/cherish these memories just for the ‘benefit of it’ due to the value that I had given to that relationship specifically when it comes to the starting point of such relationship and what I believe ‘it gave me’ which was related to in this case, a perception of getting ‘acceptance’ and ‘worth’ from another, which were words I hadn’t lived as myself then.

So, what am I really missing then here which is what I will now commit to live as myself around this point? Resolution, which is giving an actual closure, having the resolve means having the firm and unwavering  stand and decision to fully let go and fully stop participating in entertaining the memories around this point, which I have actually been working on these past months since I wrote the blog on: 416. Relationships: Not about the Taste, but the Nutrients – however I do recognize that specifically on this topic, there hasn’t been like an absolute, full resolution to stop all attempts of me in my mind going back again on the subject, which even shows up in dreams at times.  This will be then a process of being fully diligent with not entertaining the same point, not ‘feeding’ it even by associating places, things, colors to that same construct of that part of my past which I’ve defined as ‘haunting’ which of course is not that it is ‘haunting me’ but rather how I have entertained it/ fed it for far too long even if the actual relationship is no longer part of my life.

I have to stand in full resolve to do this, there is no ‘middle way’ here and in a way I’ve seen this as the ‘toughest’ point thus far because it seems to ‘still be there’ no matter how much I have written about it – but I do fully see that it will take absolute discipline to stop revamping memories and experiences for my ‘personal consumption’ in a literal manner.

 

 

resolve

  verb

1  settle or find a solution to. Medicine cause (a symptom or condition) to heal or disappear.

2  a firm decision. a formal expression of opinion or intention agreed on.

3  Music cause (a discord) to pass into a concord during the course of harmonic change.

4  (resolve something into) reduce a subject or statement by mental analysis into (separate elements or a more elementary form). chiefly Chemistry separate into constituent parts or components.

5  (of something seen at a distance) turn into a different form when seen more clearly. (of optical or photographic equipment) separate or distinguish between (closely adjacent objects). technical separately distinguish (peaks in a graph or spectrum).

6  Physics analyse (a force or velocity) into components acting in particular directions.

  noun

1  firm determination.

 

 

 

ORIGIN

          Middle English (in the senses ‘dissolve, disintegrate’ and ‘solve a problem’): from Latin resolvere, from re- (expressing intensive force) + solvere ‘loosen’.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply ‘full resolve’ to some points in my life, but those toward which I had built a ‘sentimental attachment’ then believe that I can somehow ‘leave around’ in the back of my head as if they were really ‘a part of me,’ instead of realizing that it is in those points that I keep myself ‘locked’ into aspects of myself as ‘my past’ that have no space in my current reality other than in my mind – therefore, I see that the moment that I allow myself to go into one single moment of ‘acceptance and allowance’ and/or indulgence of memories, thoughts, experiences, links to that one point in my past as memories, I reactivate the whole construct once again. Thus,

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that this point was ‘more than myself’ because it had come up over and over again and even in dreams, not realizing that even if I was writing it all out, I recognize that I am not yet living this absolute resolve to change this one point specifically in ALL dimensions, including the obvious tendency to still ‘give into’ the memory in dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet be fully diligent and stand in equal resolution to who I am when awake in my dreams, because I have defined in an unconscious way dreams to be the ‘last memory bastion’ wherein I could still have ‘my enjoyment’ about things, people, experiences that are no longer here in my reality – thus I realize that I have to fully let go of this false ‘enjoyment’ in dreams and realize that every moment that I indulge even in dreams around the same point, I make it part of my reality again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still ‘indulge’ into memories and experiences around this particular point in my life through dreams and even more so to want to keep sleeping whenever this point emerges in my dreams, instead of realizing that it is because I haven’t fully made  a decision to not participate in anything that has to do with this one point that the dreams occur as the obvious reflection of my suppression around it, of the denial of myself still wanting to ‘keep’ this point in my mind and believing that ‘I got it all under control’… but this is not really about ‘control’ but being willing to absolutely stop participating in memories, links, thoughts, experiences, dreams and any sort of nostalgia of the past around this particular point.

I realize that it is not that the point has ‘kept me locked’ but that I have been the one giving all of this energy and resistance to it throughout a long time and because I haven’t been absolutely living the resolution to stop it, it’s been a recurrent dream, a recurrent point in my mind-reality which of course has nothing to do with who I am here in physical reality any longer.

 

I commit myself to fully stop all thoughts, all memories, all experiences, all yearnings around this point. This is it and I’ll be the one knowing how effective I am in this stance and resolution on this point, as I realize that I am the only one that creates the haunting , not ‘the point’ itself.

 

 

So it’s interesting that in order to give resolution to something, to ‘solve it’ is to actually loosen it, to let go of it with a firm and unwavering decision to actually do so, to live that decision in every moment that I see I slack on the same point and allow myself to ‘wander’ around it again. I realize that resolution is what I require to apply within me as an absolute stance of who I decide to be if I am already now witnessing what happens when I don’t have an absolute resolve around stopping something within me. Thus, it’s a matter of absolutely just doing it, living it – but not allow just ‘bits’ here and there as that one single ‘bit’ of indulgence reactivates the whole construct once again, I make it part of myself, of my moment here which has nothing to do with myself and my reality any longer – it’s just memories that I have given fuel and importance to, that I have fed with energy to continue defining me according to ‘my past’ which doesn’t make any sense at all because this process is not about ‘fixing my past’ but changing who I am in relation to it.

 

So hereby I establish how in order to resolve something that I haven’t been ‘solving’ in an effective manner, is to check my resolution on stopping/changing or aligning myself in relation to that particular point I want to change/stop and align in my life. So simple, yet as it is said: the devil is in the details.

 

DSC03008

 

 

Watch:

Desteni Movie Night – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Read:

Day 56: Letting Go of an Old Flame

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


419. Devaluation of Self

It’s fascinating that when we operate in terms of ‘values’ and we value people according to who we perceive them to be – as their amount of studies, knowledge and information and generally known success in life, we sometimes create the notion of ‘famous people’ or people that could be generally perceived as ‘more important than’ or ‘superior’ to others that we have defined as ‘plain mortals’ so to speak. I noticed that this exists within me in the form of considering that some people who I would like to invite for discussions could be ‘too famous’ to actually want to be in a live discussion with me/us.

 

Louis Vuitton Morton

 

This came up as I was sharing with others about a particular person I would like to invite to a live online discussion and even if I know I am directing myself to propose it and actually eventually create it, I noticed a sharp pain on my right leg, quite on the surface but unusual though so I got to know from the person I was talking to how this relates to one’s foundation of support, and from some older notes, the flow of expression. So what came behind the proposal to interview this individual were also aspects of self-doubt in relation to how I have valued/perceived the person to be. So I realized how I tend to create these limitations based on how I have ‘valued’ a person according to their ‘accrued interest’ on knowledge and information and so how I see myself considering it would be ‘unreasonable’ or ‘unbelievable’ or ‘out of reach’ or ‘requiring something more than what I got’ to be able to actually approach another individual to discuss topics that we for sure have in common to discuss.  But then again, how/what has in fact placed such limitation? Myself based on the perception of these individuals being already interviewed by other media and ‘professional anchors’ so in this, I actually create my own limitation because I then look at the person not for the actual purpose of having a chat with them would be, which is a point that benefits everyone in fact, but I then first pull out a point of doubt of whether ‘we are up to the height’ required for it.

So in this particular practical considerations are required. For sure it would imply that I for example, have to ensure I read up to and continue educating myself to get more background on the person and their work so that I can have that same foundation for such conversation, that’s just practical stuff that I do anyways – so what changed? Well, the idea of ‘who’ the person is, so here we go!

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to consider person x as ‘way too unreachable for a chat’ considering that I have placed this person as an ‘important individual’ in their spheres of influence and within that ultimately believing that ‘they would not care/agree to have a chat with us’ without realizing that in this, I am in fact giving up or already going into defeat before even trying, so WTF?

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider that I would require something ‘more’ in order to be able to invite someone for a chat, such as greater production or more publicity or else, without realizing that what I/we do is what is possible at the moment and using the means that we have at our reach and as such the simplicity of it and the use of cost-less resources does not diminish the quality of the production as the conversation in itself – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a predisposition in the belief that this individual will only accept an interview if it comes from some major media outlet, without realizing that in this I am already giving up to even actually going for it and making an invitation to the person – within this, my approach has to be equal and one as with every other person I invite and so,

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of inferiority toward an individual that I consider ‘unreachable’ or ‘too famous’ or ‘too prestigious’ to be part of a conversation with me/us online – in this I realize that through this perception of the person being ‘more than’ I created my own limitation toward them and so creating an experience of uncertainty of myself in relation to how that conversation would develop – without realizing that this is all only my own mind patterns and experiences that I have created throughout time toward particular people that I have considered as ‘famous’ and ‘well known’ to be ‘out of reach’ people and me considering having a discussion with them something extravagant, meaning going ‘out of reason’ of what I would consider would be ‘suitable’ for me, which is all existent as a scheme of values that I’ve placed toward myself and others, which is unacceptable as the starting point of the whole thing is actually to promote and create a more equal society.

In this I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually experience a tinge of fear of having a discussion with someone that I had previously somewhat antagonized and in this, I realized that my previous stance toward basically everyone that did not agree with how I saw solutions should be was that of rather continuous criticism, which obviously will lead us nowhere and so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually fear that my previous criticism and mockery toward the movement that this person stands for comes back to me in the form of the person rejecting my invitation for a live discussion – in this I realize that the actual fear is that the person could use what I previously said against me and against this renewed effort to rather work together. I realize that in this I have to first forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to criticize an individual’s work and overall movement as a non-working solution, without realizing that yes we all make mistakes and what I have learned throughout these years is precisely to not create enemies, but rather be able to find a common ground and that’s my current stance. Therefore I hereby declare that I have forgiven myself for having created antagonism toward other individuals that didn’t ‘suit’ my perceptions and ideas and plans for what I define as ‘real change,’ and now that we are coming to a common ground, it seems possible that we can in fact then advocate for the same principle, which is cool and in this ultimately it’s about me being clear on where I stand in relation to this individual and the movement he stands for itself, wherein I am willing to accept my past perceptions and mistakes and so be willing to obviously start anew as this is what we all require to do in the world: to forgive ourselves for our assumptions and judgments made toward ourselves and others in order to start from scratch and building relationships that go beyond ego or ‘who’s right’ and ‘who’s wrong,’ but rather get to work together as equals.

Ultimately in all of this, I realize how my own perceptions, beliefs and past ‘trespasses’ could create a limitation in expanding toward working and contacting people that I consider are now aligning more and more with the solutions we also advocate – and so it is absolutely necessary to stop ourselves as ego from becoming an obstacle in the development that we can in fact carry out for the betterment not only of ‘ourselves’ as individuals, but for the causes that we actually stand for – this means: principle must always override any ego.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to impose a sense of ‘not being up to the height’ of another and believing that ‘the person would not want to discuss with me’ because of me not having a particular ‘popular’ stance or reputation or believing that I would require to have some sense of ‘official recognition’ in order to be able to invite certain individuals, as if there was like this ‘scale of values’ that one would have to gather in order to do so. I realize that this limitation is absolutely something built over my own perceptions toward people based on their knowledge, their information, their careers and professions, their relationships, their leadership positions and within that I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give more weight to knowledge, information, careers, relationships with what I have defined as ‘important people’ and within this create a limitation of ‘who I would be capable and able to establish a conversation with’ based on who I perceive them to be or what I would perceive they would think if a ‘regular person’ like me asks them for an interview.

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use terms like ‘being a regular person’ or a ‘mortal’ meaning a person that has no ‘laureate’ from the system or that has a specific recognition or validation at system level in relation to the topics I want to discuss, wherein I then create the usual trap of ‘not being qualified’ at the eyes of others, which is part of the problem we have co-created in our society wherein we believe that one is only ‘capable’ if you are given a ‘license’ as a permission and validation that you in fact ‘know’ about something, all part of the same system of credentials and values that exist and that yes, are required at the moment in the system – but this does not diminish someone’s ability and capacity to do the same or even more than what a person with a license has.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that others would only accept or consider me to be reliable if I had some sort of recognition ‘out in the system’ so that a person then would not reject an interview with me – and within this I forgive myself that I have actually accepted and allowed myself to assume what a person would ‘expect of me’ or the kind of ‘licenses’ they would expect me to have or the amount of knowledge that ‘they would want me to have’ in order to have a conversation with them, which is all, once again, speculation and ideas based on how I have seen for example the academic world operates in hierarchical levels wherein for example teachers and their apprentices are seen as ‘more than’ any other individual in the same institution.

This actually comes from my own experiences of imposing a superior value to people in academia in fact, people that I have considered as ‘too way up in the academic world’ and that I’ve perceived that everyone reveres to them, and that they are ‘not up for just any regular chat’ which I then realized it was false once that I got to know ‘important people’ that one would see on TV or in high academic circles and at the same time seeing them in their regular life just like any other ‘mortal’ therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to having carried this idea of some people being ‘holier than thou’ based on my perception of the person being ‘famous’ or ‘well known’ or having some kind of ‘important academic position’ or being ‘an artist’ or else, who are all the individuals that I placed as ‘more than myself’ including politicians of course and probably kings just because of the whole propaganda and brainwashing that is created based on the amount of ‘importance’ we believe we must give certain individuals and ‘feel’ different toward them as well, instead of realizing we are in fact equals and no amount of knowledge and information should make anyone ‘holier’ than another as it’s all based on mind values, on knowledge and information and yes, we are ultimately all made of flesh and bones and are all mortals in fact.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever learn from my family how to behave with ‘well known individuals’ and politics and people that I have considered as ‘rich’ and ‘very important people’ – apparently – that I kind of learned that I should revere in a way, and act even more service-like which is absolutely – excuse the word – fucked up. I realize that this comes from me witnessing how my family would revere to politicians whenever they would come to parties and kind of even change their stance to appear more service-like and ‘affable’ and ‘giving them the keys to their house’ so to speak, as if these individuals were ‘more’ than any other guest in the house. This comes of course from the imposition of value/power/authority and even ‘fame’ and recognition to particular individuals based on the position that they have in society for example – therefore

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I should get even ‘nervous’ or up to the expectation of having someone ‘popular’ or ‘famous’ or ‘well known’ talking with me because of imposing the same experiences that I got from witnessing my family and how they would behave with ‘important people’ like artists or politicians and within this, copy the exact same experience that I would perceive others would have around these people, which was that of excitement, nervousness and wanting everything to be ‘top notch’ FOR THEM, which is the whole ‘service-like’ attitude that I learned one ‘should have’ when dealing with someone that is considered famous, more important or – god, dare I say – more valuable than others.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still see a person that is ‘well known’ through the eyes of knowledge and information, through the eyes of the mind wherein I see a person based on the amount of recognition, fame, perceived authority based on the position they occupy or else and within this forget about equality because I still place this veil of ‘importance’ over others, which is of course unacceptable as I realize that we are all in fact one and equal and that we have in fact consolidated and continued to accept the current status quo based on this mind-hierarchy that we act out almost ‘by default’ toward perceived important/famous people, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever see some of those ‘famous individuals’ as ‘more than myself’ and this comes from the time when I would approach any artist for example and request their autograph as a child and how excited I would get from these experiences, because I learned that people that were on TV then ‘were more famous than’ anyone else therefore associating value with ‘being on TV’ or any other ‘well known position,’ which implies immediately placing myself as ‘not up to that height’ so to speak – but really, all of these ideas of importance, height, prestige, fame, recognition are all values that I have associated with a ‘superiority’ instead of realizing that they are in fact words that denote the actual work and life experience as well as trajectory that an individual or group of individuals have crated throughout their life to get to certain positions.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to add a positive and superiority value to the word ‘prestige’ wherein the fact that someone can be well known, respected and has achieved quite a lot in their life becomes an ‘added value’ in my perception and thus placing myself as ‘less than’ them based on such achievements, which I realize is a point of self-separation when one identifies oneself or another based on the amount of knowledge and information they have or ‘how’ other individuals perceive them, which is all seen through the mind’s eye.

 

Instead prestige is simply recognizing the well-known work and recognition of an individual’s life experience and contributions wherein their work  and their deeds speak by themselves and as such widespread recognition and respect is an outflow of their life, their work and contributions being supportive for others as well, which is definitely what we should all direct ourselves to aim at being and becoming in our lives, to leave our lifetime of supporting to create a world that is best for all, and so live self-respect, which means that someone’s work and recognition becomes their own life and what they say/do and act on, which is nothing more or nothing less than life, it is simply an example that we can learn from and so also see as the potential that exists within each one of us.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to associate the word ‘fame’ with an experience of superiority and ‘more than’ others comparison, instead of realizing that fame as being known or being excellent in something is not an ‘added value’ to another individual, but simply what they have achieved through their own direction and creation – whether it is for ‘good fame’ or ‘bad fame’ it is simply the general perception of ‘who another is’ based on their words and actions. Therefore, there is no need to add an experience to fame or who am I toward perceived ‘famous people’ because it is simply recognizing another’s life, trajectory, expertise and/or mastering in certain fields as yet another example of what we can do and become if we are equally diligent in the work and dedication to achieve something, which is a general trait that ‘famous people’ get to do, whether it is for constructive or destructive outcomes.

Of course the way to live fame a constructive type of fame is to become well known by one’s living example of being a solution to the world instead of a destructive role model for sure, so in that our own perceived ‘values’ over one another would have to veer toward valuing as in recognizing another individual as an example of our own potential based on how one lives by principles that recognize our equality and that consider at all times what is best for all.

Therefore, it is not to see these words of prestige, fame, recognition as a synonym of ‘superiority’ at all, but rather seeing them as the result and consolidation of their names as public figures based on the actual work they do, based on how they have contributed to the common good, which is ultimately someone that I can definitely say is respectable and for sure someone that should be recognized by all people for what they’ve done/ achieved in their lifetime. This is then the physical living and work talking for itself, which doesn’t make the person ‘more’ than another either, but simply realizing that yes they have done the actual work, they have done the actual walking of a particular point that took them to be in a certain position that they are in the world system.

 

 

 

It is interesting how even culturally we learn how to create a particular excitement or even fear when being around a particular ‘famous person,’ as if they were in fact having this ‘divine aura’ around them which doesn’t make sense as they are just humans too. Sure, one can have a particular fondness toward another individual but ultimately any person that does believe that they are ‘superior’ to others based on their fame, their work, their knowledge and information, their lifetime experience is in fact then acting from ego, and as such it is for sure their point to ultimately realize. But here, my point of self-responsibility is to ensure that I am not the one that is coming from/approaching another based on these value-systems that have led us to continue stratifying our society – this is unacceptable.

So, the corrective process is that when and as I see myself going into any slight refraction of a doubt when it comes to my ability and capability of approaching a person that I have defined as ‘important’ or ‘well known’ I make sure I identify what is it exactly that is creating the shift so that I can see what fear or what expectation came up that created such experience, and so I bring myself to the awareness that we are all human beings and there is no one ‘more than’ or ‘less than’ and so I should not place my mind’s eye as the ones to decide ‘who I am’ toward another or jumping into conclusions of ‘what the other people would ask of me’ but rather ensure that my decision to approach another is based on first of all, equality, support and the openness to dialogue and work together within the principle of what is best for all. I realize that I have to ensure that I do not use my past and my past experiences as a limitation toward approaching people or my fears/excitements or general ideas of ‘superior people’ as a veil for me to not act in common sense which means: being my own foundation and structure to give myself direction to do something based on the assessment of my ability and capability to do so.

In this, ‘who’ the other person is becomes irrelevant which means, my perception upon them is not to be used as a determining factor for it – this is about me assessing the benefit of such conversation, the potential supportive outcome of it that is best for all parts. Within this, is also necessary and quite valid to make a personal assessment of where I would require to sharpen up my studies and my review of information in order to be ‘up to date’ with what we could discuss in a conversation, but this does not mean that it’s also going to be some kind of ‘duel’ of knowledge and information either, because the starting point of this is precisely to share what each person gets to know of, understand and/or create as solutions that we can all share and learn from. Therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I would have to be at certain level of ‘knowledge and info’ to be ‘ready’ to talk with another, which in a way it does make sense to be prepared but not to the level of ‘wanting to know it all’ already, otherwise, what would be the point of having a conversation with another if not to learn more from each other and so strengthen ourselves equally.

 

I realize that this is also the influence of the current debate programs and interview TV shows wherein some of the interviewers challenge the person they interview sometimes to the point of ‘who knows more’ or ‘who can win’ which is the whole ‘debating’ aspect that is actually detrimental to the public watching because we then recreate the notion that someone has to be absolutely right and others absolutely wrong or dismissed – instead of realizing that a conversation with people that I have not so much previous contact with should be about having them share their perspectives, learn and take what’s best as well as learn how to listen to the points that I might not agree with, however by creating an antagonism only on that we create further rifts and problems where the actual common ground can be dismissed, which is not cool, not acceptable in a world wherein it’s easier to wage wars than creating dialogues to establish ‘peace’ so to speak.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive people that have written out books or published an exorbitant amount of words as ‘more than myself’ and within this, realizing that if the starting point is placing ‘who am I’ as an individual against another individual, ego will always create a barrier and prevent me from actually expanding and rather learning from others. In this thus, I realize that I have to ensure that my own limitations carried from the past ‘learned inferiority’ toward certain individuals doesn’t become an obstacle to me actually stretching out hands and creating contact with people that I had regarded as ‘more’ than myself, and to always realize that whenever I see anyone as ‘more than myself’ I become the very continuation of the problem I am  trying to resolve which is inequality, which is the continuation of hierarchical values and the notion of ‘power’ and superiority embedded onto something/someone above ‘the rest.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have given up at ‘first try’ after contacting certain individuals, without realizing that my approach was still coming from this already ‘made up expectation’ of ‘they won’t accept/ they won’t even reply’ or else, which is then what happened and then became a form of ‘defeatism’ in terms of trying to approach certain individuals.

In this thus my sole responsibility is to ensure that I realize that it’s not ‘me’ that is asking for that interview, it’s about me as the principle and foundation I stand for and as with the purpose of learning from others, of sharing supportive outcomes for humanity that is asking for such interview – therefore I do not have to place myself as ‘my persona’ before me when doing my job which is to establish connections and communication with people no matter ‘who’ it is.

In this, I realize this is the point to apply, a practical equality toward people and stopping my mind’s view upon others based on ‘who’ I perceive they are, and instead I commit myself to focus on their words, their work, their visible and practical solutions and contributions to society, which is what I am interested as a person that represents an organization that stands for the principle of what is best for all life.  In this I have to also recognize myself and to not ‘devalue’ me based on the perceived ‘validations’ I would require to ‘make me/my words/what I stand for’ as ‘valid’ or ‘recognizable’ in the world system, as I realize that there is currently no such ‘validation’ and due importance given to the consideration and realization of life in equality, of supporting one another, of truly working together for best for all outcomes and so , how can I expect me/us to have such ‘recognition’ in a world that recognizes and places fame on the exact opposite?

There’s no visible honoring toward life yet so we have to build it from scratch so I commit myself to stop expecting some form of ‘validation’ or ‘recognition’ or ‘credits’ in order to give further steps of expansion within myself and my process of communicating with others – and instead rather recognize that it is our own work, our own consistency and dedication that which makes us valuable as the principles that we stand and live by – ultimately that’s just the value of life for life and that’s rather what I decide to dedicate myself to honor, to honor life not world-system credentials and ‘values’ placed in separation of who we really are as equals, which is also what’s worth while supporting and sharing with others.

 

I commit myself to imposing money-talk to others too wherein I value others based on ideas related to energy and money, which is not who we really are and so I rather develop a communication based on living principles where equality stands as our undeniable common ground to work on.

 

All Life Is Equal

 

Read people recognizing Life in Equality in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.

 


414. Solution to Ferguson: Learn Self-Forgiveness

 

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A fascinating point opened up as I was watching CNN. Yes I tend to criticize CNN quite a bit for the false information and scare they provoke, but as I was cooking last night and turned it on to see what kind of ‘disinfo’ they were sharing, a female TV show host was being interviewed about Ferguson and the words ‘Forgiveness in Ferguson’ were on the headlines of the news section and as I seek for such info on the net, I found yet another reverend that talks about Forgiveness required to get to a solution. What’s interesting about the woman speaking about Forgiveness is that beyond the usual ‘being able to forgive another,’ she explained there is forgiveness to apply to ourselves, which is another way of saying: we require to apply Self-Forgiveness for what we have accepted and allowed – almost her words there.

 

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What do we have to Self-Forgive here? Upon witnessing the current ‘rioting’ and looting and anger that people in Ferguson experience, what we have to do as humanity is realize that this violence, this sense of ‘being violated’ will get us nowhere, because what we are witnessing is only the outflow of our entire history of abuse, disregard, violence and harm we have imposed toward each other, our environment, we have essentially violated our right to life by complying to, accepting and allowing ‘the way the world works’ as this current dog-eat-dog functioning of the system in a blind manner. This world-system – our laws, our institutions, our governments, our fears, our paranoia, our media, our scares, our injustice – is our collective creation, this is what we have to begin to self-forgive here first because as long as we continue to see ‘perpetrators’ and ‘culprits’ outside of ourselves, the fight, the reclaiming of ‘justice’ will continue without any sense of self-responsibility, which is the rather uncomfortable truth: any act of abuse is not done by ‘others’ but it’s always what we have collectively co-created by having abdicated our participation and decision making processes to decide what is best for all.

The fact that the word ‘Forgiveness’ is pointed out in our MSM (Mainstream-media) as something that is required to solve the problem, should not be taken for granted: it is one step further to understand that we have to step down from our righteousness, our ‘victimized self’ that we climb upon as our mind-horse where we take ‘the abused’ position to ‘ask for justice’ without first focusing on seeing and coming to realize how it is that all the problems we are facing is our collective consequence of having Never actually having cared to review the laws, the agreements, the money systems, the general structures by which we organize and live as a society, which would then of course lead us to see why do we have to create all of these laws and live in constant fear of one another, protecting our ‘right to defend ourselves’ from other potential ‘wrong doers’ or criminals, instead of creating a world system that can benefit everyone and so naturally create peace by doing so?

What we have missed is that the real problem exists within our own minds, within our desire to blame something or someone for any form of abuse, instead of seeing how no justice, no equality, no support or real care has ever existed toward one another as living beings because: We Haven’t Created it, We Haven’t Lived such words ourselves in the first place! All that has ever existed is the war mentality, the selfish nature of only caring for our own wellbeing and not even giving a thought about others’ lives.

How can we ‘demand’ something like Respect when we haven’t ever really lived SELF-Respect such as ensuring that one is not accepting and allowing any form of abuse, harm, diminishment or counterproductive actions that prevent us from living to our fullest potential, individually – so, how can we as individuals feel ‘violated by others’ when we have never cultivated this basic point of self-support as self-respect?

 

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How can we ask for ‘Justice’ toward some authorities and institutions that we created based on our inherent belief of being unable to direct ourselves and take responsibility for ourselves within the consideration of what is best for all, to create and structure our entire economic, political and social system within such principled living considerations: considering everyone’s wellbeing, supporting everyone to live in dignity, to create a sense of community and solidarity that leads to a well-functioning society… none of these aspects have been our starting point as human beings to coexist in. Even if these ‘rights’ are written in constitutions, on paper they look really nice, but when it comes to living such words and agreements: we have all considerably failed to do so because we have ultimately abdicated our responsibility to live such principles ourselves, individually, which leads to outcomes such as wars and any other form of brutality imposed by our designated ‘authorities’ to create a sense of ‘order and control,’ organisms and institutions that exist as an outflow of us believing that it is more important to impose punishment and be constantly spied on for a sense of security rather than focusing on providing everyone a general good living standard so that the ‘anomalies’ of the system are reduced to genuine mental problems – not ‘criminality’ as theft due to the necessity to get money to live in basic dignity. This is what we have co-created as our social injustice.

This is why, the more we face consequences that shook the foundation of our so-called ‘stability’ or disrupt our belief that ‘everything is generally fine,’ the more we have to start considering that the solution resides within each one of us. It is awaiting to be ‘awakened’ as a sense of self-responsibility to first Live in each one of us such as Self-Respect, to Take Self Responsibility for what we have co-created as our world and so be Willing to Work Together for solutions, to no longer depend on institutions/authorities that are there to ‘calm the waters’ based on imposition of force or further punishment toward those that have resorted to violence or crime because that’s all we have ever learned as human beings to do in moments of distress, fear and desperation to ‘get an answer’ – once again, just because we haven’t learned how to become and implement solutions that benefit everyone, which is absolutely possible for us to do.

 

Free Yourself - Copy

 

The solution begins within self: not giving into fear, helplessness, hopelessness, rioting, protesting or ‘demanding’ answers from those ‘authorities’ we have placed in such positions because we have rendered ourselves as useless or incapable of solving our own problems – it’s about time we begin to Self-Forgive our perceived victimization on these events, to self-forgive the accepted and allowed abuse we have co-created as our ‘world system’ and how we treat each other as criminals, as potential enemies, as a ‘problem’ instead of facing our own problem inside ourselves: to face and self-forgive our paranoia toward each other, to face and self-forgive our fears, to face and self-forgive our belief of being incapable of changing things – we have to self-forgive all of the ideas, beliefs and perceptions we have about the problems that are going on in this world, to not call out on the perceived ‘culprits’ but to stand up in the realization that: we did this to ourselves, this is our creation and only through allowing us to self-forgive this massive abdication of self-responsibility will we ever come to a general agreement that the solution resides within each one of us: to learn how to Live Self-Respect, to Live Solidarity and learning how to Live by Principles which will prevent us from having to ‘punish’ others as a way to solve problems that are fully preventable if we so agree and decide to create a world system that can benefit everyone’s lives, because that is what we all want for ourselves anyways, isn’t it?

 

The solution is not further police intervention, no further ‘presidential intervention’ or curfews…

 

Time to focus on the solutions, on Self-Forgiveness as a first way to recognize our complicity and Self-Responsibility in all problems in the world right now and so creating a culture of becoming and providing Solutions instead of continuing existing in indignation, victimization and the perception of being powerless to change things.

The time is now, we have only one life to do this – so let’s stand up as examples of what we can be and become when we integrate self-responsibility in our lives and expanding this sense of awareness toward others in our everyday living.

 

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What’s MISSED ABOUT FERGUSON AND ALL ‘BAD NEWS’ IN THE WORLD

 

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