Category Archives: self creation

440. What Do I Deserve?

 

There is one word that – along with the word ‘Rewards’ – I had created a particular relationship of dislike to, and that is ‘Deserve.’ As with anything that one comes to like or dislike it means that one has created a particular relationship to it, loaded with experiences, definitions and considerations that are seemingly ‘devoid of solutions’ which is also an illusion. So I considered it is time to set the record straight when it comes to this word ‘Deserve’.

It’s great to work in this process also assisting others in seeing their own minds, words and relationships created to themselves and others through them, because this word ‘Deserve’ actually emerged through a conversation with another person and so, in order to best assist and support another I realize I have to stand clear in relation to that word as well if I am to share my own example of how to walk a redefinition or re-creation of a word in a way that is supportive, and so no longer harbor a ‘dislike’ relationship to this word .

With deserve there are two ways in which I’ve identified most people use them and I can only recall using it myself in one of those ways.

The first one is in the context of personal debasement, an inferiority, an ‘unworthiness’ of sorts where we lead ourselves to say ‘I don’t deserve this/that’ when it comes to generally supportive or generally ‘good’ things in life, which is a very nice trap in our minds because, who is there to decide what we are ‘worthy of’ but ourselves? I can only assume that there can be traces of religious programming where one believes one has become a sinner with no solution at all and therefore defining oneself in the ‘lowest level of life’ from which one decides one isn’t worthy of something, as a form of punishment or also as a form of martyrdom.

This is the one I recognized I have applied before in my life, mostly in my teens where I truly considered ‘my life is not worthy at all’ so what’s the point in it? Or ‘I am not worth the food that I am eating’ or also in the context of belonging to the human race, seeing myself only as a parasite that continually feeds of everything and gives nothing back. This is a ‘common place’ I could still go into if I allow myself to flow in that pessimist tendencies I have created within me, where one only focuses on the bad, the wrong, the guilt, the shame, the remorse, the problems and sees no way out. Takes time to face all of these points but I can tell here that one is able to for the most part effectively redirect this into constructive directions.

‘I am not worthy of living’ or ‘I am not worthy of life’ is something that comes up mostly when realizing certain abusive aspect of myself towards others or life itself, as in not honoring the very breath that I am able to inhale every moment to keep myself alive. This is something that one could easily define as being ‘unsatisfied’ or ‘depressed’ or ‘demotivated’ but they are all in fact states of self-abdication where one is simply not effectively giving oneself a purpose, a direction, a reason to live for one’s own wellbeing and that of others/ the rest of life itself. When one is continually self-indulging into what may rejoice us momentarily but is truly not contributing to anything of significance to one’s own life development and that of others as well. It is in fact then when I had associated the word ‘deserve’ to being a ‘disservice to life’, not serving, not helping, not growing, not expanding, but only surviving, going by or ‘growing in greed numbers’ so to speak as in focusing on feeding our egos and that’s it. 

When I first realized about this process of self-realization and observing everything around me as an extension of myself, I had an emotional breakdown that compares to the lines I wrote above of ‘I am not worthy of living’ or ‘we are all parasites, we should just not exist’ ‘we don’t deserve all of this, we don’t deserve to live.’ It is a dark place to be in for sure, but also a necessary one to at least face once in one’s life. Why? Because it had a profound effect in my life to finally ‘open eyes’ to something I had completely suppressed or ignored or turned into some emotional conditioning within me, instead of for the first time actually realizing what we have done onto this world, onto ourselves, onto other beings, our bodies throughout this entire time, it is baffling yet it is not like there’s only the abyss and that’s it. There is a way out but one has to actively conduct oneself out of it.

The second form of the use of the word ‘deserve’ has to do with more of an egotistical or as I call ‘haughty position’ within oneself where one believes that ‘one deserves the best’ or ‘one deserves the most of this/that’ or ‘I deserve life’ and things like that, which have made me cringe from time to time because to me it sounds more like a demanding statement, a positive thinking statement, one of those programmed in by repetitions of the likes of Law of Attraction and that sort of stuff that puts  you in a nice trance of ‘imagining all the best and saying I deserve it to the universe’ doing nothing at all to actually create such wonderful things in one’s life. So, this is of course not the way to go either, this is just the polarity of ‘I don’t deserve this/that’ into a self-fulfilled prophecy of ‘I deserve this/that,’ both ways just don’t sound right to me.

 

 

I have walked quite a process with the word ‘reward’ as a cause and effect process so that assisted me in then seeing that I could so the same with deserve, I leave some links here for reference:

277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

279. My Ambivalent Relationship with Rewards

281.The Benefits of Redefining Rewards in Equality

 

So I brought up this word into a group discussion where many of us could discuss these aspects of ‘deserving’ and ‘not deserving’ and how it has been lived by us and how it may still exist in us.  This time upon checking the definition on a standard dictionary:

deserve

n   verb do something or show qualities worthy of (a reward or punishment as appropriate).

 

It is definitely a conditioning word in the sense that it makes one be motivated by an external source for an outcome to ‘get something’ or ‘make oneself worthy of’ or punish oneself for doing or not doing something, when in fact this can be looked at in a much more self-responsible way where one can just acknowledge or realize there’s cause and effect in things we do or don’t do.

Therefore things won’t be a matter of ‘deserving’ anything as a thought in our minds, that is really just like wishful thinking. If one says, for example, I deserve to live a successful and healthy life, well, I’d rather not say it but live it, do what is necessary to have effective ways to accomplish what one is aiming to do or become in one’s life and also investigate which ways of eating, exercise and mental support are best to keep one in ‘good health.’ That’s a doing and there is no one else that will ‘serve us’ that on our plates but ourselves, one has to actually ‘do it.’

So here the word ‘serves’ come which is contained in ‘deserve’ wherein one can consider what would everyone in this world deserve to have as a form of support: we all know there’s the basic nourishment required, house, money, education, healthy minds, etc. So if that is what we all deserve, then why not instead of just saying ‘I deserve’ it only, rather working on co-creating such wellbeing for each other, serving oneself and others back so that we can in fact be able to give to another as one would like to receive = that is what deserve means to me in a principled manner. Nothing can really always only ‘come to me’ if I am not cooperating in the relationships that enable life, where one can ‘give back’ as well and enable the feedback process that creates life, that contributes to a better life for myself and others.  Here the process of ‘deserving’ then stops being just one of asking, demanding or debasing oneself with as a statement, it is more of a doing that one decides to create and live for oneself in whichever direction or purpose that one decides to do.

In this process of self-creation in a way that is best for all, if I had to define how I can live the words ‘I deserve to live/ I deserve life,’ then I can turn these words into ‘I can serve me/my life and that of others to make it something that is genuinely better for me and others as well.’ That comes with deciding to become a better human being in all aspects of one’s life and also if one decides to dedicate one’s time and actions to assist others in any ways we can and are able to. 

Some might have a relationship of dislike toward the word ‘serve’ and that is something that I could only say one can work with, because surely there is the whole conditioning around ‘serve’ when it comes to ‘masters and servants’ and that whole enslavement relationship we’ve called our ‘jobs’ and other ways to condition our livelihood with serving with something to get something in return, like money or other benefits. Yet, this is only understood as such ‘enforcement’ or obligation mode if one has really ‘bad pay’ in a job or has the worst conditions in such activity or any other injustice that is unfortunately existing in this world where most of us are currently slaves to money, even if one is in the path to eventually create solutions: there’s still billions of people under the same regime, and that will take time to sort out but the best way is to definitely realize that creating further antagonism or rebellion against the ‘oppressors’ is not going to get us anywhere better really, so if one is in this kind of experience, best to not keep feeding this kind of disempowerment on a daily basis, it will only make one sick in the long run and wont’ change a thing in reality. And this is where the statement of ‘I don’t deserve this’ can emerge as well, and this might be a tough one because surely no one really wants suffering and a hellish experience for anyone in their lives. But there is also a ‘greater picture’ that we often forget about, how it is not only ‘me’ that may go through that, but everyone else on earth, all beings – not just humans – are existent within such unjust, unfair, unequal relationships and that’s mostly because we have allowed this to exist ‘as is’ for a long time.

Therefore here we go back to the point of ‘cause and effect.’ It is not like anyone on Earth right now deserves the hideous situations that most people are going through, but unfortunately it is the result of our own abdication of self-responsibility, of allowing ourselves to be handled by a few or just be blinded by the benefits that one can personally obtain in self-interest, devoid of any reason and consideration for others/ the whole we are an equal part of. In fact,  a way in which I have been able to not get so down and depressed when watching say some news or documentary that depicts really bad situations people are going through, is the realization that I am them as well, it is only my personal or ‘individualized’ experience that prevents me from experiencing what others are, and that eventually we will all have to do something about it, face ourselves in different ways so that we can altogether come to the conclusion that we must do something in our lives, in this world if we are to change the ongoing trends. That’s where instead of only thinking ‘I don’t deserve this life’ of abuse, suffering, pain in its multiple ways, we will rather stand up to say I don’t deserve this life, I don’t continue ‘disserving’ life, I rather do what I am able and capable of to change the ways in which most humanity is going to. And this truly begins with oneself, observing one’s thoughts, experiences, patterns whenever we are simply not contributing in a supportive manner to our lives or that of others, where we are too focused on our lives only that we lose the ‘greater picture’ we belong to as well. Only then does one start gearing one’s life and existence to something that is truly supportive and of service to others which at the same time, creates a rewarding process because in helping oneself or others, we uplift each other to do and become our best we can, which means that whatever we then do or create ‘out there’ will contain this self-corrected version of ourselves, we will no longer accept abuse, suffering, debasement ‘out there in the world’ if we work with these aspects first of all within ourselves, within our minds, starting with something as simple as stopping ‘hating’ one word and deciding to live it in a way that is supportive, such as this process with the word ‘deserve.’

Plus it makes the word much more ‘tangible’ as actions, doings, day to day creations instead of only airy-fairy self-righteous statements of ‘I deserve’ this or that, who the hell is there to say what ‘we deserve’ or not? There’s no one, only ourselves and saying it does or changes nothing: if one thinks that one deserves something, not just think it but do something about it.

An example ‘I deserve attention’ then equally give attention, engage with others from whom you are seeking attention or focus from, be that which you are expecting others to give to you.

Some may say ‘I deserve to be loved’ – well, nothing comes magically so how about rather redefining the word love to a practical care and consideration, an actual doing that entails doing that which is supportive for your life and that of others, to grow as individuals, to become better beings day by day, to have a regard for our own lives and bodies and so, toward the entire environment as the physical reality that is here. ‘Love thy neighbor as thyself’ well this is currently not being lived because we haven’t even learned to love ourselves practically, not a ‘feeling’ based thing but a series of doings, of actions, of supportive behaviors and decisions that one can live to become a better human being and so in realizing the benefit that brings to oneself, to do the same in whichever measure one is able to toward others.

‘I don’t deserve to live’ can then become a statement that doesn’t lead oneself into an abyss of depression, tears and sadness which I realized was mostly a comfortable spot of self-manipulation and inaction really, where one believes ‘one can’t’ because if one says ‘one can’ in fact, there’s actual work to do and that’s usually resisted in the mind. So, rather my suggestion and here if in any moment this sentence comes up within me again of ‘I don’t deserve to live’ or ‘I don’t deserve life’ then rather use it as a ‘flag point’ to look at where and how am I not living up to my potential, where am I not honoring my own life, where have I harmed or abused others in a way that I believe has no forgiveness, when in fact there is only self-forgiveness and a commitment process to change/correct myself, where am I not living in integrity, where am I becoming demotivated where I can realize I have to be the one moving and motivating myself, where have I become ‘disillusioned’ where I can remind myself that being in an ‘illusion’ is not practical and rather plan out new ways and things to direct my life and purpose to live for, where have I become too ‘angry’ at everything to say ‘they don’t deserve to live/ they don’t deserve life’ or ‘I don’t deserve life’ wherein I can remind myself I am just in a momentary emotional experience, there is no ‘deserving’ needing but only facing of consequences that one can use to grow, to learn from it, to ensure one doesn’t repeat the same fuckups again and instead learn to continue standing up, every time.

I deserve a second chance, that’s what I would mostly say, I give myself a second chance to change, to correct, to do the right thing once realized the mistake or fault. I deserve forgiveness = no one, no god, no nothing can give it to me but myself, therefore I deserve self-forgiveness, I serve/ give to myself that forgiveness to realize and recognize the problem, the fault, the misrepresentation, the dishonor, the dishonesty and so make a clear stand and commitment to change this within myself, to live that ‘second chance’ every time and not give up/ give into the ideas that ‘I am not worthy of it’ as this is only a mind trick to not continue doing the actual work, constancy and dedication that creating anything in this world entails.

 

Ok so, I’ve walked through the main points/ways in which I have related to the word ‘deserve’ either through personal means or through interaction with others, it is mostly about giving and receiving, co-operating, contributing, creating along with, assisting others to do the same, to learn how to become better human beings, to contribute to life in any way that is possible to us, individually first and foremost and then toward others/ the world system as a whole. If we all learn to enjoy the benefits of our shared creations and principled lives, there will be no need to ask for ‘rewards’ or say statements of ‘I deserve’ this or that, we will simply live it, be it, create it, and that’s definitely what I want to live myself and be a part of, a person that no longer measures oneself and others through fictional values of ‘worth’ but rather lives this worth through actions and one’s own quality of life to assist and enable life to exist in its best possible form.  It really all begins with oneself.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

 

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431. Recognizing the Potential in Ourselves

 

One of the points that came up for me today was the ability to recognize the potential in others and within this, be able to use that awareness of what we see another is able to be and become. I consider this is one of the things that have assisted me in being able to see past certain habits, traits, personalities, ego-feuds in order to get to ‘seek out’ and ‘unearth’ the actual potential in myself and others – and in a way, get to see the real being that is somewhere there in the background, behind the usual presentations that we get to know ourselves with: our habits, traits, emotional fits, quirks, manners, traumas, judgments etc. In essence it means being able to see a person beyond what they could have becomes as their mental design, their ‘disguise’ yet have a willingness to change, to assist themselves to become essentially a better person, to give the most of themselves for their benefit and that of others.  This is the potential of change that exists in every single one of us.

In this process of learning how to actually live and become an individual that stands with living principles, sometimes we hold ourselves captives to our past and believe that we cannot change, that we will always remain the same, that we cannot get past the usual problems – but if we actually dare to apply this recognition process, to really step back and look at who we were in the past, and what kind of decisions  we’ve made to actually assist ourselves, we will start giving ourselves a bit more of a recognition of what we’ve done, the path we’ve walked thus far and what is yet to come,  yet to be aligned and fine tuned  to learn from our everyday experiences and interactions. This is what I see this process in itself is, to learn how to live and push a bit further every time to continue discovering our own potential, to learn from the past mistakes to not repeat them and stick to creating and living that which we can in fact be and become with dedication, consistency and a deliberate decision to step out of the old patterns and become a person that we can live with for the rest of our existence.

The ability to recognize this potential in others comes when one has been able to identify such potential within oneself first, when one has seen that underneath the mind clutter of personalities, ego traits and the rest of the ‘programs,’ one is able to see one’s real self, ready to be placed into use to strengthen oneself, to look past any judgments, to be accountable, to learn self respect, to learn how to cooperate with others, to be humble, to learn from mistakes, to be ok with failure and learning to stand up again, to learn how to build supportive relationship, to learn what it means to go past one’s fears and limitations – all of these points are there for us to live if we make the decision to not feed the old patterns, the usual egotistical traits that feel ‘safe’ because it’s all we’ve ever known, but instead be willing to step into the actual process of creating oneself as something that one probably could have never conceived one could be or become, and then recognize that the fears and limitations were nothing  but a masquerade that we thought we were proudly wearing as ‘who we are.’

Once that one starts seeing glimpses of one’s potential, it is very vital to remind ourselves of and take note of the processes we’ve walked to actually ‘dig out’ this potential and to keep track of the changes in oneself, so that there is always a point of reference we can go back to whenever we get to feel that ‘we were born living our potentials’ when in fact, unfortunately it is not at all how our lives as human beings work at the moment. It is a process and forgetting it usually leads to the perception that either we haven’t changed or this is how we’ve always been, or missing out the ability to relate to others that are in their initial processes of change. As a point of reference, reading past journals and blog entries is assisting to see how I could have not been able to remember certain things I used to think about or experience, that I see I would definitely not be saying/thinking in the same manner now as I did before.

It’s also crucial to consider that when reaching any point of potential or finding a clear drive and motivation to do things, this should always be measured according to its starting point – asking questions is usually a great way to get to know oneself and one’s real ‘drive’ in it: is it to glorify myself? Is it to prove others wrong? Is it to make up for my past mistakes? Is it to feel better about myself? Is it because I want to be accepted by others? Is it because I want to feel like what it is like to be ‘the best’ or be ‘at the top’? Is it because I want the money and the good life? Is it because it will make me find a great partner? Is it because I want to stop feeling like a loser? Is it because I want to trump others that have done me wrong? Is it because I want to show that I can better than everyone else…? And the beat goes on…

If there’s something I suggest one always takes into consideration is humbleness when achieving certain life goals or starting to live certain potentials. If anything, any point of empowerment should not be defined as such if it only benefits the same ego/idea of ourselves that merely exists in comparison/in contrast to others.

To me it is clear that any advantage position in any point or aspect in our lives, should stand as a point of extra responsibility to consider others that are not yet ‘there’ in living their full potential yet, to be humble in considering each one’s living process, their past, their traits and skills, their weaknesses yet to be turned into strengths  – in essence, to always have a firm idea that one cannot be in any position of leadership if there is no actual empathy, humbleness, consideration toward others that have yet to be assisted to start digging out their potential.

Also, not giving up on others is essential, not judging them, not holding them captive within their ‘usual flaws’ but to always rather assist others  – and of course ourselves – to remind us of what we have actually managed to create, to build within ourselves, what we have managed to change, what we have managed to overcome and so stands as prove that ‘change is possible.’ This might sound like something ‘easy’ to do, but it’s not always something that can be readily done if there isn’t a personal process of an individual deciding to create an actual change for the better in their lives.

Seeing a potential begins with oneself, then we extend it toward others and from there as one goes living this potential, it is about remaining grounded, assertive, reminding oneself of the path walked, the points yet to be aligned, the fails and mistakes we will still make to learn from them and the potentials yet to develop. This is another way I’d say we can practically live the word ‘recognition’ in a supportive manner, for oneself and for others, who are an extension of ourselves anyways.

 

 

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429. What Relationships Can Be In This World

I just remembered how when I was growing up and going through school, I saw the disparity that existed between people. I used to be the one that would always get it ‘all right’ and it truly saddened me to see that others could see themselves as not being able to do something, getting sad and nervous because of not being able to achieve something or perform in something, or perceiving themselves as not good enough or simply truly weren’t able to create a certain outcome for themselves: a project, an exam, a task, understanding some kind of exercise in any subject. In this, within reflecting about what we truly need to create in this world, common sense dictates that it is definitely not a series of relationships based on competition, comparison, wanting to be ‘on top of others’ or deliberately sabotage others in order to perceive oneself to be ‘winning’ – and the same goes for the opposite side where we deliberately sabotage ourselves, set ourselves to lose and become plainly apathetic, angry or depressed about virtually everything, not wanting to live –  instead, I consider that creating relationships of mutual support  is what is needed in our world.

I read the other day someone’s post where they pointed out how there is a ‘life coach for almost everything nowadays,’ which is so in an era where anything can be turned into a business – yes, virtually anything – and so the person concluded  that each one should instead be their own life coach. I wholeheartedly agree on the latter since the whole problem in this world is that we have become blind by our consent and led to the slaughterhouse with tricks and gimmicks that we wholly bought into, because we didn’t know any other form of self-respect – we can forgive ourselves for that… But, the point of applying any form of self-support and self-improvement is to eventually get to a point where one does not depend on any other person to get to see the common sense in any situation, to get to learn to trust oneself, to learn to make decisions, to face the mistakes and consequences, essentially to learn how to live, how to motivate oneself without expecting the carrot on the stick the next moment and reach one’s utmost potential within the consideration and foundation of what is best for all – whichever this potential/expression may be for each person in their lifetime.  

However, throughout these years I learned that we are unfortunately not born with an intrinsic set of abilities, considerations and realizations to become this self-improved version of oneself from the get-go. I wish it was like that, that we had common sensical parents, education systems, families, media, politicians, entertainment and the whole rest of things and people that we are influenced by and consume throughout our lifetime, having little to no reference of how things could be ‘better.’ And if it was so that one we didn’t need  to learn or support ourselves from others, it would be obvious by now: we would not have the mess of the world we have now, let me fine tune that: the mess of the people we have become in this world.

So, I then reflected on myself. Sure, I had some ‘qualities’ that people in the system would have regarded as ‘remarkable’ but none of it was of factual substance, it didn’t benefit anything or anyone but a ‘mark’ on myself and my ego. Any personal success sure felt ‘good’ but at the same time it felt completely contrived, my life was not satisfying even if ‘I had a good life.’ So what was really missing? Well every time I looked around and saw that this reality of ‘success in all’ didn’t exist to everyone, available for everyone, I would get depressed and sad because come on! who the hell can enjoy the sight of misery? No one in their common 5 senses. 

When I started walking this process 8 years ago now, I realized that the much hoped for ‘change in the world’ that I expected to be created or emerge by the hand of some ‘god’ or ‘force of nature’ out there, had to be in fact started by myself, by supporting me and allowing myself to actually be supported by others that were doing the same for themselves. This is in fact the greatest gift I was able to give to myself when it was made available as such – as it is currently now for everyone that wants to support themselves as well – unconditionally, with no second agendas other than applying the principle of what it means to be ‘one and equal’ in fact, of understanding the necessity we all have to stand up, assist ourselves to become the best versions we can be of ourselves and so, change the world.

Would I have been able to immediately, without any help/support, be able to ‘stand up’ within myself and now stand as support for others too?  Absolutely and honestly, no. I was too emotional to have been able to see past those experiences and discover my inner strength, to realize what I was in fact able and capable of being in my life, which has been possible throughout this process which does involve having other people being there for you to assist us, to suggest directions, to remind ourselves of what we may already be aware of at some level but haven’t been paying enough attention to realize that we do have a potential to be this best version we can of ourselves, we just have covered it up with fears, beliefs, judgments, opinions, ideas, distorted and often disrespectful imaginations of ourselves. This is where I realized that I in fact needed that helping hand, and how grateful I am for it because I would not be who I am now If I hadn’t made the decision to walk this process, to actually join a group of self-support and let go of all of my fears or ideas that I had related to ‘being part of a group of self-support’ no matter how hard it was to let go of my idea that ‘I could do it by myself’ too, which I’ve realized is mostly ego at times when I know and have from time to time reference how supportive it always is to have another pair of eyes and ears to reference one’s choices and decisions in life.

What I understood from the first day I decided to in essence walk this process and change my life, is that I wanted to be able to assist in this process of ‘changing the world’ by changing ourselves. I wanted to be part of the team of people that could in the same way that I was being assisted to stand up for once and for all, also assist others in doing the same in their lives. Today me and the same group of people that have walked this process for over 8 years together, were reflecting about how satisfying it is to actually assist oneself and assist others to become ‘the better version of themselves they can be’ or ‘to reach their utmost potential,’ in essence, to become part of that change that we so dearly want to create in this world.

I can honestly say that I had not realized how I am in fact doing what I have been seeking to do since I was a very little girl. I tried helping people with studying and learning stuff, since that’s what I was programmed to be ‘good at’ I guess, but that’s not really something entirely useful for the rest of our lives. Assisting another to actually develop their inherent abilities and qualities to live life to the best of each one’s ability and become an extra-ordinary person is definitely something that is in all sense of the word, priceless and fully satisfying.

So, I mentioned how it would be awesome if we all had relationships in this world that were as supportive as the ones that we have between ourselves as a group of self-support. And the reality is that: we can! We only have to make the decision to do so, all that it takes is first doing this for ourselves, to be humble enough to realize: yes, I require some support, I can benefit from some assistance in learning how to support myself, to direct myself to eventually be trusting myself to not only keep doing this for me, but also extend this support to others. I also understand that some people can have the capacity, skills and general discipline it takes to do this for yourself, to be your own ‘life coach’ if you will: my hats off to them if they truly consider they can do it by themselves… but I can only speak for my life and the situations where I had to be humble enough to realize: I needed some help because I was a bit lost at the time.  And! it is an ongoing process, because it’s a continuous feedback loop to learn from, to nurture ourselves from each other and from whichever each one lives in our day to day.

This is not just buying or paying for a service that you get as a form of therapy, this is not a one person you don’t know that gets to listen to you for hours. I as many others involved in supporting other individuals, in fact walk with one another side by side, as equals in the process  – we do this because we not only understand that everyone at some point in their lives need a hand, need some support, need some guidance, but also because we understand that if we have an ultimate view of this world being able to be something better than what it is now, we don’t have to go that far to try and ‘change the world’ as an unintelligible mess, but to rather take the first steps and start with ourselves, one by one. It is also because it is part of living the principles that I decided to align myself in this life: do onto others as you’d like to be done onto you. And in a more directive manner as it happened to me: do to others what others unconditionally have done in support of you and your life in this world. This is invaluable.

The relationships created with this group of people I work/communicate with are something that I would not change for the world. It is not just a one way ‘coach-trainee’ relationship, it is not a leader-follower relationship, it is beyond that. It is about human beings that decide to assist and support each other for an entire lifetime if needed until the person stands in self-trust and sufficient confidence so that they now can be a pillar of support and assistance to others that are equally willing to assist and support themselves. This is not a facilitator-receiver process only, this is one deciding to get involved with the person in a process where through communication, week after week, throughout years,  a real bond is created, an actual care for another is developed, ensuring that one is there as a point of reference when our compass seems to get a lost and continue to support in the development of all the qualities and skills that each person discovers they can bring forth or create as part of this self-creative path.

This is the process of weaving the relationships, the community, the network of people that are and will continue to change the way that we live in this world, and so change it in fact.  This is the real reward: not money, not recognition, not ‘feeling good’ only for a moment or positive highs, or relationships of monetary interest, not at all. This is the actual creative process for a person to realize who they really are and can be in this life not only for themselves, but for the common good of everyone and everything else, while developing relationships with people from around the world for a lifetime. That’s what real friendships and relationship should be about in my humble opinion.

I dare you to find this out for yourself.

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


425. If We Dislike Deception, We Have to Become Self-Honest

There is a phase when one becomes aware of the extent of the problems in the world and we go through the vast amount of information that is at our finger tips nowadays and really get to know the nitty-gritty details of the actual prison that we’ve created for ourselves, and the challenge that comes with this is: how not to get imbued by the perception of the ‘oh so ever powerful ones’  – that are in fact a minority in this world – being the sole problem and the ones to blame for everything that’s wrong, we perceive them as being invincible, which is precisely part of the function that they represent within the whole construct of the system in itself. Sometimes the information and getting to know ‘how deep the rabbit hole goes’ becomes a reinforcement to the belief that “there is no possible way out because ‘they’ are everywhere/ ‘they’ are so powerful and invincible.” In that, we actually psychologically become subdued to what we accept as ‘their power’ which we believe ‘is so real’ that the only thing that we apparently can resort to is blaming, complaining, judging others and believing that: there is no possible way out, so why bother? This is the mentality that we have to stop and that I’ll share here how I’ve managed to constantly work on preventing me from falling on the same old patterns.

 

Identifying one’s reactions to the problems

From my perspective and personal experience, it all begins with simple steps, such as how you engage in discussing relevant topics and ‘less known’ information that is termed as ‘conspiracy theories’ which many times are not ‘theories’ but rather the hidden/occult history out of our text books in school and universities and usually explain the actual workings of  this world system, such as who has been in fact ‘behind it all’ and the mechanisms used to galvanize it, which implies that we also had to be part of such control system by compliance. An easy response to knowing ‘who’s who in the zoo’ and in fact ‘sitting at the top of the hill’ can result in us reacting with anger which in turn leads us to ‘spew our mind out’ in blaming and finding this/that president/corporation/elite person as the culprit,  which is not necessarily something that can be supportive for others that might come through and read these comments and opinions on Facebook – or any other social media site – and be exposed to this information for the first time and be shocked at discovering that their president is waging a war in Somalia, Yemen and Pakistan killing over 2000 civilians, which means it is killing people that have most likely nothing to do with any sort of potential terrorists – yet this is all being paid by your taxes… In this case,  what would you say to ‘you’ as that person that is informing themselves about the ills of the world system for the first time, and realizing that their taxes are being used to obliterate certain nations to keep control of poppy fields and trade more drugs? Reinforcing the predictable behavior such as blaming, complaining, calling names and spurting general outrage about it is Not going to solve anything.

 

So where do we start, then?

One thing that I suggest starting with is considering self-responsibility – which is a tough point, and not many people are willing to recognize it, because it involves stopping feeling righteous about calling out the abuse and instead becoming a co-creator of the mess as well. t is about realizing that by virtue of living in this same world: We Are ALL Responsible. So instead of trying to ‘change the world out there’ which becomes indeed an ‘out of reach’ type of experience when considering ‘Oh my god, I have to change the entire world!’ we have to instead consider that this change begins with taking our own lives into our own hands, to become an example, which means: start with our own life.

I bet you also began questioning why this world is the way that it is and why are people in power only being corrupted and evil and being protected by the same laws we are supposed to abide to – is the system rigged in some way? So you as I did most likely began investigating, educating yourself about the problem, developing that interest and critical thinking skills, asking questions, and maybe even getting to know others that were also starting to look for similar answers. What I’ve realized now is that understanding the problem is one part of the solution, but then comes the necessary rule of Taking the point back to oneself and so Dare to ask the more uncomfortable questions, the kind that we’ve forgotten to ask ourselves all along such as: where was I when all of this ‘conspiracy’ took place? How have we allowed ourselves to be consumed and entertained to a point where we forgot about our responsibilities?

Instead we’ve learned to equate happiness to consumption and not consider how real happiness could be genuinely built if we could all come together and agree to integrate the principles we want to live by as a society into a new proposal for a political/economic and social structure, starting with the simplicity of how we can grant each other – for example – the basic right to live in dignity? This is what the provision of a Basic Income entails. This leads to the recognition of Self-Responsibility which implies ‘They’ and ‘Those in Power,’ the ‘Invincible’ ones or those that we perceive as ‘Untouchable’ are not going to give up their power, nor do we have to focus on ‘them’ to create any form of solution either. Instead it’s about focusing on how to empower myself and others at the same time with developing this self-awareness and an understanding of the problem, without reacting to it in the predictability of anger, frustration, rage, blame and wanting to tear the government building down – but instead with maturity and self-responsible assessments.

It is about motivating oneself to see through the a new solution-based mindset and at the same time, inciting others to consider self-responsibility and Act in the awareness of ‘How can I be the solution?’ ‘How can I consider Self-Responsibility?’ within the understanding that we won’t change ‘them’ or others for that matter –  we have to be the ones that step in, we have to be the ones that are willing to correct all of our personal ‘flaws’ which entail a personal debasement to for example, believe that we are disempowered. Instead we have to prove to ourselves that we can stand up as a reformed and corrected type of human being – as a New Human Kind –  that stops all forms of hatred, deception, violence, defensiveness, attack, complacency, defeatism, laziness, conformity and the ever so corrosive illusion of powerlessness, which is precisely what I many times have considered that is created as a result of an extensive amount or information on the fickleness of the human mind that might become emotionally affected by it, becoming obsessed to continue ‘dwelling’ on the same problem in spirals without landing on Earth back with solutions.  It is at the same time strange because this creates a strange sense of false-empowerment that leads – most of the times – nowhere; very, very few are able to read, understand and use the information and awareness constructively to continue building a foundation that gathers even more reasons as to why, for example, in the case of the American ‘Secret War’ as the Drone-Wars, the funds that go to combat a deliberately created boogie man, sending people to kill and enrich all the military contractors, should instead be spent in funding the provision of a basic income in America and creating a genuine safety net to prevent an upcoming crash that has been vaticinated for some time now, yet is already quite palpable based on the amount of poverty that exists in the U.S., isn’t it? So instead of waiting for the war-jackpot to hit home and revive the economy – why not informing people about the possible solution of using that money in a supportive manner that benefits the common man at home – it is about informing the society that such Military Defense budget Is in fact people’s taxes – this is just to name a brief example.

In this, I do not speak of creating Hope either, as it becomes a ‘waiting mode’ with idle expectations based on someone, somehow ‘turning the tables to our favor’ which won’t come at all by itself, and even if it happened that way, we would still then miss out the process of realizing that we actually have to be the ones that must do something about our lives – this whole process of facing massive consequences in this world is in fact a gift to allow ourselves to see what kind of responsibility we’ve abdicated throughout time, and so at the same time realizing that it is in taking self-responsibility that the solution begins.

 

What are the Practical Solutions then?

I can share with you what I’ve done myself which begins with getting to halt my own spewing that I used to vehemently defend and share with anyone else that I could as ‘my right to point out all that is wrong’ in this world and just remain there, in that complain, in that sense of protest which I lived as what I’ve denominated ‘The Loathing Politics’ character and having an ever present and growing hatred and disgust toward virtually anything that has to do with power and politics.  I live in Mexico and one of my first ingrained memories was listening on the radio about the release of a secret tape where some politicians and party enthusiasts were hiding voting ballots beneath the carpets of some governmental building during a presidential election, this was then about the politicians doing the necessary ‘dirty job’ to rig the game…  this became part of the pattern lived throughout my life of getting used to hearing about corruption and political neglect on a daily basis, it is a part of ‘how politics work’ here, hence my loathe and despair to it all back then.

So, to the day (January 30th) 7 years ago I decided to change my life and perspective toward it: from depressive and giving up on anything related to politics/system/society to recognizing that if I want my life and that of others to be genuinely good and supportive = I have to directly do something about it. It all started by me walking my own self-forgiveness on the past hatred toward every aspect of my life that I knew was detrimental to my personal development – this includes my reactions to ‘the world system’ – specifically politicians and people ruling in the catholic church – and so made a clear decision to for once and for stop being the predictable robot that only knows how to complain and blame.I decided to Stop adding my own bs and reactions to ‘those in power.’ Instead, understanding more about ‘the truth’ of this game led me to gather more and more reasons to understand that if a ‘few’ could do it, then our potential if united as the 99% of the world that is not ‘rigging the game’ can form an agreement to take responsibility for creating a new starting point in our society. I’ve also realized there is a massive potential yet to be unleashed that we have to begin growing and enticing within each other with simple steps, changing the way that we look at politics is an example of where one can start with.

 

“We need to do the opposite of what Russell Brand is advocating, we need to use our votes. Even if we don’t want to engage with the current broken system, we should not use that as an excuse for apathy. We should see it as an encouragement to engage in creating our own alternatives, our new co-created systems; to be creative about it and to connect. Connectivity is the key to a rapid change; but information in itself is meaningless if we don’t know how to decode it into wisdom.” –

Birgitta Jonsdottir  “Democracy in the Digital Era” – January, 2015

 

 

This is thus about first understanding the problems, understanding the ‘power structure’ and so realizing that if we see politics plays a big role, if CEO’s play a big role, if influential people in communities play a big role = then We have to become such ‘big roles’ as well! This won’t be an easy task either, because we are all essentially predestined to continue blindly walking the path of the least effort, giving up on the first obstacle we encounter, seeking the most reward without having to move a single finger and so on….  well, those days will be over soon.

We have to consider that we’ve allowed ourselves to be slaves for far too long, therefore it won’t take only 7 years to ‘wake up and change’ – no, we’re talking about walking through the human conditioning that’s lasted for thousands of years, which has increased in the last century at a rapid rate and is ever present now with the ability of be intercommunicated at all times. However in a way it also prompts us to consider first and foremost: how have I contributed to the problem as well with my inaction to take responsibility for it? Is my anger, hatred or blame supportive for myself or anyone? If not, then what would I do if – for example – I was ‘Obama’? or anyone you perceive has more ‘power’ than you for that matter…well, the thing is: we all have the ability and potential, we just squander it too much when being overwhelmed and emotionally driven to give up or just continually seek to focus on something more pleasurable and easily rewarding which is part of the necessary elements to keep ourselves in a divided and conquered mentality = this is the human failure that I decided to not be a part of anymore.

What do I practically do and support?

I support myself and other individuals to walk through this same process I just described, which is the most rewarding thing I’ve ever conceived I’d be doing with my life  – after perusing a rather selfish career in visual arts – and I gave myself a purpose to every single day share what I learn, what I consider as solutions, what I see as the problems and how we can use a documentary, a blog, a news article to reflect how what goes on ‘in the world’ as our individual and collective creation.

So, you can hear all my daily recordings which is a relatively ‘new’ project here: http://mixlr.com/marlen-vargas-del-razo/showreel/ – I support and am directly involved in the promotions of the  Living Income Guaranteed Proposal Living Income Guaranteed Proposal http://livingincome.me/wiki/The_Living_Income_Guaranteed_Proposal / http://youtube.com/livingincome along with an exemplary group of people around the world at Equal Life Foundation which is part of the various efforts that we’ve proposed throughout the years as stepping stones toward political and economic change, while emphasizing on the necessity to include living principles which are similar to the same ones I’ve shared about my personal process.

So for example, providing a basic income/living income is a starting point to first get ourselves out of this survival-coerced mode and so, give each other the certainty of having the necessary to live. This in turn frees the necessary time to educate ourselves, to realize that it is about us now proposing solutions and giving that opportunity to each other to see who would we really be once that money stops being the main problem and obstacle for our personal and collective development. This also requires the will and volition to develop self-leadership and self-governance. It is not an easy task to do, though it is Not impossible either and everyone at ELF can be an example of what it is to live a regular life and still have the time to actually ‘walk the talk’ and direct ourselves to embody the principles that we agree on, the principles that we want to live by as a society and as a result of understanding the problems, which is what many people in the informed community already does – so now it’s about time to take the next step to encourage the development of a solution-based mindset.  

 

Giving up based on how ‘bad things look’ has become a common excuse to not do something about it – my take is: what else is there to do anyways in this world if not attending the problems we’ve caused? What else is there to do if not attending and raising your children, becoming an example of what is to do your work in the best possible way, supporting others to become better themselves, to recognize their potential and assist others in developing it –  which can be done once that one works on one’s own  – practicing our communication abilities, creating supportive personal and working relationships, becoming a living example of what is to Really ‘Be the change you want to see in this world’ and the list goes on…It only takes a decision from ourselves to be a part of the not-giving up group.

 

I would not even focus on trying to awaken those that are too fearful or complacent to even spare some minutes to read, watch or hear something that is beneficial to the whole. We tend to discourage ourselves from believing ‘no one cares’ when in fact, many Do care, but have no idea of where to even start with looking at a way through this mess, so that’s why education and information with a directive proposal for solutions is required and what we are in fact here for, no matter how ‘impossible’ it may seem at the moment – everything starts steps by step with oneself, isn’t it?


 

If we want to stop corruption, then let’s develop self-integrity, if we want to stop all lies and deception, then it’s time to develop self-honesty, if we are tired of ‘greedy people’ then we have to focus on developing moderation and being able to spot our own behavioral patterns and impulses where we give too much attention to that which only benefits ‘me’; this implies being a little bit more ‘selfless’ which is not giving oneself away, but developing a genuine care and empathy for others around us, as they are ‘us’ as well –  yes, even those in ‘high places.’ If we are so tired of the ‘same old’ bs, well, we have to also do some self-introspection and be willing to see and recognize what of ourselves we would like to change, what destructive patterns and habits we have that we know only lead us to a predictable outcome of failure/giving-up/passivity/complacency… how about instead we start considering how we affect ourselves/ others with our words, actions and inactions? What would it mean and what would I do if ‘I’ today had to become a person that is at the service of others like a public-servant/politician?

These are questions that lead us to recognize that we don’t have to wait for a president to give us nice answers on how to solve the problems, we can instead begin this process bit by bit ourselves, no matter how ‘unrealistic’ the feasible solutions might seem, because this ‘unrealistic’ conclusion about possible solutions becomes part of the obstacles to not think outside of the box and is part of the most common sabotage to potentially great ideas that, fortunately, are gaining more attention these days. 

These are the kind of questions that lead us to introspect and ensure that we live every day willing ourselves to see beyond the ‘fog’ and not get overwhelmed by how things currently operate. The trick is not to get lost in the rabbit hole and come out of it scared and only recreating another war as overloaded criticism and antagonism to those that we perceive as ‘the only culprits,’ or to try and attempt to ‘take the power away’ from someone through protesting and waging war – yet another one – with words, imaginations, intentions and predictable defeated outcomes.

This genuine (r)evolution is about focusing on individual self-change so that the way that we relate to one another and the world itself becomes the sheer result and accumulation of these seemingly ‘small changes’ that will certainly not get ‘Obama’ out of office – but will in turn encourage many others to start seeing behind the fog, to consider ways out in a human brain that is designed to always only focus on the friction/conflict and problem… it is about time we get rid of the belief, hope and sheer religious faith where we think that ‘those in power had to do this For Us’. It is about outgrowing the notion and comfortable denomination of ‘those in power’ by realizing that we are in fact the ones that abdicated such power: we are the majority therefore, we are in fact all capable of standing up for what we see will make our lives much better.

Our biggest problem at the moment is apathy and the perception of being powerless, and with this we do a disservice to life when we get too informed about the ultimate nitty gritty on conspiracies, but we don’t act in ways that prove we understand the problem and so have a better notion of how to start solving the problems as well.

 

I quote Junaid Malik with whom I fully agree with when it comes to the solution he proposes, and when I read his words I was glad to realize that not everyone that informs about the actuality and depth of the problem leaves a blog without a clear directive to self-responsibility:

 

There is no short term solution to the multidimensional problems we are facing. Education and awareness are key prerequisites for the change, which can only be achieved through a long term process. Instead of being selfish we will have to revive our faith in self-sacrifice for the common good. Instead of accepting an unequal educational system, we will have to educate all the children, the next generation in this country, without discrimination. Education doesn’t mean reading, writing or getting a degree and finding a job. It means learning to see through the façade of pretense. It means attaining knowledge and wisdom; knowledge to understand what’s going on and wisdom to change it. Let’s give it a try and hope that our next generation, once educated and enlightened, will stand against injustice and inequality, showing the oligarchy the exit door and replacing it with capable individuals in the decision-making process.” – JM http://wp.me/p2zw1Q-1o

 

So, my suggestion is that instead of continuing to rehash the same old predictable self-defeat, we use our time, our words, our simple interactions to share common sense = What WE Can Do in order to realize that it is about US learning to agree on what is best for all, learning to properly communicate, learning to always take the finger back to us and be willing to recognize our own flaws and self-deception first, and so prevent ourselves from jumping into conclusions and criticizing others – it is about being willing to give it our All that is humanly possible to correct the mess we’ve co-created – we all know what would make our lives in this world better, so why don’t we instead focus on working on that which is not only meaningful and gives a new sense to our lives, but absolutely necessary and ultimately our responsibility to the generations to come?  

 Thanks for reading and: walk along if you are ready to stand up

 

You can listen to the original version of this writing here: http://mixlr.com/marlen-vargas-del-razo/showreel/if-we-dislike-deception-we-have-to-become-self-honest/

 

world_change_self_honesty_responsibility_basic_income

 

 

 


424. The Importance of Resolve

 

Sometimes we embark ourselves in a decision to change something about ourselves, to stop a particular abusive pattern, to align an aspect of our behavior or to cut ties with particular relationships, however what tends to happen is that we’re not entirely successful with this endeavor if we are missing a key ingredient to make it work: resolution.

 

 

This came up as I was writing on a personal matter that has ‘haunted’ me in my dreams for a long time now in relation to a specific past relationship in my past,  and I have been throughout time applying self forgiveness on the various aspects that mostly come up in dreams and I have wondered: but why is this STILL coming up? Isn’t it sufficient to have walked on this point for over seven years whenever the same comes up? And so I was looking at the word that I was missing, a clue on what I wasn’t fully considering in this process applied to this particular past relationship and the word is Resolve – and as I was reading the definition of course it clicked: I require to have an unwavering, firm, absolute stand in relation to the actual closure of this point within me in my mind and the decision of who I decide to be toward this point in my reality.

What I realized is that I had probably written a lot about it and I understand the reasons why it comes up, but it’s funny that I made it a bit something ‘more than myself’ as if it was something ‘more powerful’ or ‘sticky’ in a way that made me still dream about the same point in various ways and perceive it as something that would take ‘forever’ to let go of  or give closure too, and even speculated on why this point is ‘so strong’ which is not recommended lol, well at least it brings up further points for self forgiveness on other ideas, beliefs, perceptions as the reasons we give ourselves to make the point ‘more than us.’ However, as I was reading the definition of resolution, it all clicked, the simplicity of the solution was in fact in the word resolution: I realized that I had in fact left some kind of ‘open back door’ in my mind wherein I could still in some unconscious way ‘leave a possibility open’ for me to still hold on/cherish these memories just for the ‘benefit of it’ due to the value that I had given to that relationship specifically when it comes to the starting point of such relationship and what I believe ‘it gave me’ which was related to in this case, a perception of getting ‘acceptance’ and ‘worth’ from another, which were words I hadn’t lived as myself then.

So, what am I really missing then here which is what I will now commit to live as myself around this point? Resolution, which is giving an actual closure, having the resolve means having the firm and unwavering  stand and decision to fully let go and fully stop participating in entertaining the memories around this point, which I have actually been working on these past months since I wrote the blog on: 416. Relationships: Not about the Taste, but the Nutrients – however I do recognize that specifically on this topic, there hasn’t been like an absolute, full resolution to stop all attempts of me in my mind going back again on the subject, which even shows up in dreams at times.  This will be then a process of being fully diligent with not entertaining the same point, not ‘feeding’ it even by associating places, things, colors to that same construct of that part of my past which I’ve defined as ‘haunting’ which of course is not that it is ‘haunting me’ but rather how I have entertained it/ fed it for far too long even if the actual relationship is no longer part of my life.

I have to stand in full resolve to do this, there is no ‘middle way’ here and in a way I’ve seen this as the ‘toughest’ point thus far because it seems to ‘still be there’ no matter how much I have written about it – but I do fully see that it will take absolute discipline to stop revamping memories and experiences for my ‘personal consumption’ in a literal manner.

 

 

resolve

  verb

1  settle or find a solution to. Medicine cause (a symptom or condition) to heal or disappear.

2  a firm decision. a formal expression of opinion or intention agreed on.

3  Music cause (a discord) to pass into a concord during the course of harmonic change.

4  (resolve something into) reduce a subject or statement by mental analysis into (separate elements or a more elementary form). chiefly Chemistry separate into constituent parts or components.

5  (of something seen at a distance) turn into a different form when seen more clearly. (of optical or photographic equipment) separate or distinguish between (closely adjacent objects). technical separately distinguish (peaks in a graph or spectrum).

6  Physics analyse (a force or velocity) into components acting in particular directions.

  noun

1  firm determination.

 

 

 

ORIGIN

          Middle English (in the senses ‘dissolve, disintegrate’ and ‘solve a problem’): from Latin resolvere, from re- (expressing intensive force) + solvere ‘loosen’.

 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to apply ‘full resolve’ to some points in my life, but those toward which I had built a ‘sentimental attachment’ then believe that I can somehow ‘leave around’ in the back of my head as if they were really ‘a part of me,’ instead of realizing that it is in those points that I keep myself ‘locked’ into aspects of myself as ‘my past’ that have no space in my current reality other than in my mind – therefore, I see that the moment that I allow myself to go into one single moment of ‘acceptance and allowance’ and/or indulgence of memories, thoughts, experiences, links to that one point in my past as memories, I reactivate the whole construct once again. Thus,

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to believe that this point was ‘more than myself’ because it had come up over and over again and even in dreams, not realizing that even if I was writing it all out, I recognize that I am not yet living this absolute resolve to change this one point specifically in ALL dimensions, including the obvious tendency to still ‘give into’ the memory in dreams.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not yet be fully diligent and stand in equal resolution to who I am when awake in my dreams, because I have defined in an unconscious way dreams to be the ‘last memory bastion’ wherein I could still have ‘my enjoyment’ about things, people, experiences that are no longer here in my reality – thus I realize that I have to fully let go of this false ‘enjoyment’ in dreams and realize that every moment that I indulge even in dreams around the same point, I make it part of my reality again.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still ‘indulge’ into memories and experiences around this particular point in my life through dreams and even more so to want to keep sleeping whenever this point emerges in my dreams, instead of realizing that it is because I haven’t fully made  a decision to not participate in anything that has to do with this one point that the dreams occur as the obvious reflection of my suppression around it, of the denial of myself still wanting to ‘keep’ this point in my mind and believing that ‘I got it all under control’… but this is not really about ‘control’ but being willing to absolutely stop participating in memories, links, thoughts, experiences, dreams and any sort of nostalgia of the past around this particular point.

I realize that it is not that the point has ‘kept me locked’ but that I have been the one giving all of this energy and resistance to it throughout a long time and because I haven’t been absolutely living the resolution to stop it, it’s been a recurrent dream, a recurrent point in my mind-reality which of course has nothing to do with who I am here in physical reality any longer.

 

I commit myself to fully stop all thoughts, all memories, all experiences, all yearnings around this point. This is it and I’ll be the one knowing how effective I am in this stance and resolution on this point, as I realize that I am the only one that creates the haunting , not ‘the point’ itself.

 

 

So it’s interesting that in order to give resolution to something, to ‘solve it’ is to actually loosen it, to let go of it with a firm and unwavering decision to actually do so, to live that decision in every moment that I see I slack on the same point and allow myself to ‘wander’ around it again. I realize that resolution is what I require to apply within me as an absolute stance of who I decide to be if I am already now witnessing what happens when I don’t have an absolute resolve around stopping something within me. Thus, it’s a matter of absolutely just doing it, living it – but not allow just ‘bits’ here and there as that one single ‘bit’ of indulgence reactivates the whole construct once again, I make it part of myself, of my moment here which has nothing to do with myself and my reality any longer – it’s just memories that I have given fuel and importance to, that I have fed with energy to continue defining me according to ‘my past’ which doesn’t make any sense at all because this process is not about ‘fixing my past’ but changing who I am in relation to it.

 

So hereby I establish how in order to resolve something that I haven’t been ‘solving’ in an effective manner, is to check my resolution on stopping/changing or aligning myself in relation to that particular point I want to change/stop and align in my life. So simple, yet as it is said: the devil is in the details.

 

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Watch:

Desteni Movie Night – Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Read:

Day 56: Letting Go of an Old Flame

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


422. What is Happiness to me?

Is happiness only a state of mind? Is it something that lasts for a few moments only? Is it only embedded in the image of someone smiling, people jumping with their hands up in the air? is it the image of a peaceful and pristine paradise? is it a work in progress?

 

We had a two day workshop on Redefining Happiness, and what came up was an interesting and self-supportive array of points to consider within ourselves, to re-look at what one had previously defined as ‘happiness’ and so then walking those points within self-honesty,  collecting considerations and looking at practical aspects that are required within the creative and living process of happiness in a self-honest and self supportive manner. So here’s my self-investigation that culminates with the integration of realizations that came through during our group chat on this topic.

 

 

Happiness

 

Not long ago I would have defined happiness as something that is just ‘bollocks,’ an easy way to sell products, a blatant way to sugar coat self interest or else, but as with all words in our reality, due to the resistance that I had to even look at it, I decided it was rather best to start redefining words and walking a collective process to align our definitions to a common sensical outcome and creation. So, I’ll start here by disclosing my past-relationship with the word happiness.

What I had defined as happiness had to do with what I had learned I should ‘aim to live’ in my life, that ultimate goal that would make me absolutely blissful, content and fulfilled with myself. I definitely had trouble at times pondering what this could be because I could feel ‘happy’ for example before and while I would go to a music concert from my favorite bands when I was a teenager; as a pre-teen I could feel ‘happy’ after having binged in rollercoaster rides, and maybe happy as the experience I had when I first flew in an airplane when I was some 6 years old, also skating, jumping in an elastic bed or swimming were part of my happiness during childhood. Later on I started defining happiness according to being with certain people and in certain relationships, which has also to do with the ‘grown-up’ idea of ‘being happy when having relationships’ for example as a common goal in life.

Also, my idea of happiness was linked to ‘who I wanted to be’ as an artist for example, or a writer at times. I would picture myself being alone and living in some big city and being famous/recognized, earning good money and so being able to travel around the world and having the kind of ‘bohemian’ type of life where I would not have to worry about money and I would only have to pursue my personal satisfaction of fame and glory, lol. I thought that happiness was precisely getting to travel the world, showing my art in such places and having nice dinners with famous people or something, to be ‘in that circle’ of intellectuals and artists and so forth. Fascinatingly enough – and glad about it as well – I got to have a bit of a taste of this last early on as I was ‘sharpening my knife’ to be part of the art world and got to travel to another country and exhibit my photographs and hang around people that everyone would recognize on the streets. So I ‘luckily’ got to see what kind of agenda/day to day living they have, what is it like to be a genuine public figure, what happens to your ‘private life’ and family etc. It was very interesting that my whole expectation of happiness slowly but surely fell down the drain, because I could not feel happy about doing what I thought was going to make me happy, and so with that came what I call a ‘breakdown’ wherein I felt very lost/sad/depressed for a couple of months after having done that trip/exhibit, because I did not know if I wanted to ‘be an artist’ anymore or if that was genuinely ‘my idea of happiness’ any longer.

 

Right away after that, I started seeking other ‘spiritual’ ways to fulfill this longing for an apparent ‘happiness’ without getting anywhere really, mostly aiming at ‘helping others’ without having the least intention to first focus on supporting me. I kind of knew in the back of my head that it wasn’t ‘it’ and that it wasn’t going to work for real either. So, after this one trip I had, which was almost/exactly 7 years ago, I spent months really looking at whether these ideas I had built around happiness were in fact MY idea of happiness, and it was only 3 months after that when I discovered Desteni and so my perception of everything I had ever desired, wanted or deemed myself to ‘be’ changed almost completely. This is where I started to ponder my previous ideas around happiness as ‘the goal in life’ and got to understand happiness mostly as an energetic experience that one gets as the result of some input, like for example when taking drugs and getting ‘high’ and ‘feeling good’ and associating that with happiness – that type of experience, which is all a mind job of course.

I saw that my idea of happiness had to go through a process of purification if I can call it that, I realize that I had only aimed at benefitting me in pursuing MY dreams and in that, I was in fact forgetting and not considering everything and everyone in that equation.  Once that I had a bit of the taste of the ‘personal happiness’ or what I had defined as such, I realized that it actually made me feel emptier and more depressed than ever, because I saw it as meaningless = not doing something that I was yearning to do as in creating a ‘greater change’ or ‘saving the world’ out there.

So, it has only been through walking this process of self-support and self change and having the ability to self-forgive all past ideas, perspectives, illusions and desires for energetic experiences that I have been able to now trust myself in the ability to redefine the word ‘happiness’ so that it doesn’t become this fleeting and flimsy experience in my mind and body, something that ‘comes and goes’ but becomes an actual living word not only for ‘me’ but for everyone as well.

 

‘All I want in life is to be happy’ is a common goal in our lives, but this also means that we have been defining happiness with as many different meanings as there are minds in this world, some common aspects are linked like money, good relationships, good sex life, being the best at something, having good health and such, but do we ponder then why have these become desires instead of ways in which one actually lives the construction of such happiness? Why have we made of happiness an ideal, an ever elusive ‘goal’ in itself instead of practically assessing: what do I require to do to build a general stability in my life, a personal and collective wellbeing, a point of financial stability, what can I do to develop supportive relationships? How can I nurture myself in a way that is beneficial for my body? How can I stop worrying about this/that situation in my life? How can I change the world system so that it benefits all instead of preventing ourselves to live our fullest potential? How can I develop my expression and support myself and others with it?

 

See, happiness usually comes with a desire to ‘have no worries’ or be completely devoid of responsibility, without realizing that if one simply places oneself swimming forever in a beach at the Caribbean and do nothing about oneself or ‘the world,’ man, one could end as the richest yet most disgraceful person in the world – why? Because happiness is definitely something that entails us LIVING in a full manner in this world – and within this, what does it mean to live fully? To be a point, a person that lives and creates one’s personal well-being while at the same time contributing to the collective well being.

The problem that we have at the moment is that our general ideas of happiness have become very varied, very personal, even linked with products to buy or so – how can that be? This is why here we propose looking at happiness as the ways in which we can practically empower ourselves and each other to fully live in this world.

Within the documentary called Happy, many definitions and ways to live happiness are shared, and it’s interesting to see of course, to have a look at how personalized this idea of happiness has become whereas in other cultures/parts of the world, the idea of happiness is embedded within a collective wellbeing. There they define 2 aspects of happiness the intrinsic and extrinsic aspects, which I will share here now as parts that I have come to realize within walking this process.

 

We got the intrinsic aspects which have to do with

– Personal growth: which is precisely what I have seen is and has been absolutely life changing from 7 years ago, to walk this process of self-support, to develop self-honesty, to develop common sense which is the consideration of what’s best for all; to realize that I can change myself, that I have the tools, that I can trust myself in being able to walk through any point in my life to get to a point of stability within and without. This is definitely essential as an overall self-process that I can attest here is a genuine source of wellbeing, because one is also no longer defined by emotions or feelings to define myself, so I rather focus on supporting me, my mind, my body to live in a general stability.

– Close Relationships and the feeling of living in community: developing relationships with people even if they are not in your immediate environment, but relationships where self-support is the starting point is within my life and experience one of the most gratifying things, to be able to support me and support others, and work with people that are equally walking a process of taking responsibility for themselves, living day by day within the commitment of supporting and changing themselves to within that, also change the world is one of the most satisfying things as well. It would have been very tough to do this process of personal support alone, maybe impossible – so I definitely recognize the power of walking with a group of people – physically or non-physically around – to support oneself in this process of self-change and self-support. These relationships go beyond a ‘friendship’ or a feeling, they are genuine bonds of co-creation that will surely be long lasting.

 

The Extrinsic goals:

– Money is something that is definitely needed to create a financial stability for oneself. It is definitely something to question if a poor person claims to be absolutely happy, how can that be if happiness is about living up to our utmost potential? That means then requiring at this moment in this world money to be able to obtain the necessary resources on this. So, this is a genuine point that one does require to be ‘happy’ at this stage, to have a dignified living – which is definitely different from only desiring money as an ultimate goal – nope, money is a means to create such support and to nurture/sustain ourselves properly, but ultimately, greed is of course also a point to debunk within self-honesty, because no amount of money can create ‘wealth’ in itself if we weren’t living in our awareness of the interdependence we hold to each other individual and part of this reality.

 

– They claim that Image, personality and status or popularity is something that also gives happiness. I question this as a sense of ‘ego’ creation, though in a redefined manner, this can comes by default when one works on oneself and one starts focusing one’s life to support oneself and so be an active agent of change in the world. One’s words, thoughts, deeds start speaking for themselves and so this ‘recognition’ is not then a popularity game of sorts one participates in, I’d rather place it as the ability and potential we all have to stand as an example of what is possible to live and become when establishing living principles of what’s best for all in our lives.  This is then a point where one can simply recognize and acknowledge one’s living day to day actions and see the benefit of them for what they create as a consequence, and develop a sense of honor to oneself and all life around us which is definitely what I can also link to a sense of happiness, of fulfillment, of genuine stability and way to prosperity.

 

There was also a point wherein I simply denied all happiness to exist, and yes just as love defined as a slight or overwhelming churning of energies within ourselves, as an energy experience it is definitely not something that I could ‘forever experience,’ because it’s only momentary which indicates: it’s a mind job. Thus happiness had to become a word that I can mostly live through the consideration of how can I build, create this point of self-support, self-stability in my life and reality, how can I cooperate and co-work with others in order to create a change in this world. So, what’s interesting here is that me desiring to ‘change the world’ would have been also a point I would link to happiness, but little did I know that if I had only sought to ‘change the word out there’ I would have missed first my personal point of self-responsibility: changing myself, first supporting myself.

So I do say here that happiness as a word to live by does imply first self-responsibility: taking care of ourselves, ensuring one has sufficient money to live in dignity, where one has the ability and continues to improve one’s life, to challenge ourselves further, to develop ourselves to our utmost potential, to live by the law of placing the extra effort to get things done in a way wherein I can genuinely say ‘this is my creation, this is my expression and I am satisfied with it.’ Within this of course comes the consideration of how within me living by these principles, what I do in the ‘outside world’ will thus be the constant and continuous expression of what I live within and as me – this is thus how I have defined my ability to live happiness within giving myself, my life, my day to day a purpose which is to make of this world a place wherein we call all live actually happily, so that happiness stops being a ‘desire’ in our minds, but instead becomes a genuine and feasible practical method, a way and series of actions and steps that involve each one’s participation to co-create such happiness in reality.

This is how I see that in order to create and live happiness = the whole must be contained, everyone must be considered, because if we leave one person outside of this consideration, then that one point will make us all miserable again, because this life is about learning how to coexist as equals and so within this, I see that happiness in its FULL expression is not yet ‘here’ as the definition of all living parts in this world having a dignified and satisfying existence.  I see that happiness is a ‘work in progress’ when it comes to genuinely Living it at a global level – however, it is possible to work on creating a general stability and support for oneself to live in a responsible manner, which I’ve found to be actually a great source of satisfaction and fulfillment.

In fact, living this process of self-support with the Desteni tools is an awesome practical way to create and build this happiness for oneself, it won’t definitely make you all tingly within yourself, nor would it come with ease either, it does take actual work, dedication, discipline, consistency, self-will, determination, self-leadership and creativity to do this, but these are all aspects that are definitely worth investing one’s life and time on. Having said this, it does make sense to say that aiming to be ‘happy’ within this context and consideration, to create happiness for everyone in this world is a cool thing to aim at, because it will enable us all to create a general well-being wherein we can actively and continuously create and make of this world a system of support, of living-life instead of merely surviving or having to strive to ‘make a living,’ where our relationships become necessary pillars for us to thrive instead of obstacles to achieve personal gain and self-interest.

If happiness is a common goal in each one’s life, it’s best to then recognize it as something that can only genuinely exist if we all first place the consideration of creating this happiness, this stability, this self-support, self-care, and self-honesty within each one of us individually, so that then we become a +1 person that becomes a pillar to build this happiness in the world, no matter where you are: our lives, how we live/what we do in each moment, how we walk our day to day defines what we create collectively. So, it’s about time we stop seeking for happiness ‘out there’ and instead focus on creating it within and without.

What I can share as the practical way to do this is by walking this process of self-support, I hadn’t ever been satisfied with my life or even would dare to call myself as ‘being happy’ because I was a Grinch, so unhappy about life /the world and blaming everything and everyone for why my life wasn’t ‘working,’ instead of realizing that I do not have to ‘seek happiness’ out there, I have to actually recognize my ability to create it, to become it and to establish it/share it with others in this world. Sounds nice, yep, but it takes actual work and dedication to genuinely live it, it takes guts to also be able to let go of previous definitions of ‘happiness’ by testing it out, seeing if what one had defined as happiness is really a constant and continuous point I can live within my life that is Best for All for eternity – and there, first steps of self-honesty will emerge.

It’s surely enjoyable to take the wheel of your life, and this is precisely what we learn to do in this process, so I recommend it 100% percent.

 


I commit myself to any time and all time required to bring this world back to that which is life, regardless of what it will take and I commit myself not to allow the values the mind  as me have become to determine what is real value. Until this is done. – Bernard Poolman 

 

Living Principles

 

Suggested blog:

Day 2: Happiness and Me

 

I dare you to start questioning what happiness is for you and if you’re ready to live genuine happiness, join us here:

 

Read people recognizing their self creation abilities in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


421. Art is in the Eye of the Beholder

 

I took this great blog title from Leila Zamora Moreno who gave it as a name for her son’s Cesar first masterpiece which I am going to share here because it’s his first year alive on Earth today!

We got a Pollock coming, people!

Cesar's Masterpiece 1 Year

 

So, I watched a documentary on Marina Abramovic’s work called Marina Abramović: The Artist is Present and noticed how through watching it, I was constantly seeking for some kind of ‘meaningful’ thing to come through, something that could match my idea of ‘art.’ Through writing the self forgiveness I’m about to share, I realize that I had become this constant judge toward anything I’ve defined as ‘art’ and within doing so measuring/gauging it and see if it does match my idea of art as something that can ‘change the world’ and if not, usually I would follow through to judge it as pointless, useless, a waste of time, etc. In fact I had written out a blog about the documentary, but obviously noticed it was filled with righteous comments so as to impose ‘my perspective’ which then of course was a cool thing to do or else I would have remained within the idea/belief that ‘I was right in my assessment’ lol.

I also reacted when seeing people organizing performances and/or artistic creations around an ongoing situation here in Mexico about students having been disappeared/most likely killed due to a political point of convenience for a governor in one state here and then judging this as ‘pointless’ and ‘meaningless’ and then rehashing the judgment of ‘how come I can despise this ‘art world’ so much now and I once was so eager to be a part of it, where was I?’ – so here I go straight to Self Forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to say to myself, how was I ever involved in this art/cultural realm and come to despise it so much at the same time? Which is only showing the usual love-hate relationship wherein of course any ‘negative’ experience is in fact denoting I still hold a relationship toward art, and as such, it’s all about ME in fact and not at all about art/artists or the art world at all – this is then the point of self-responsibility to expand upon here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience remorse and embarrassment for having ever aimed at achieving an artistic career as I followed my desire to experience something ‘special’ through art and aim at ‘changing the world’ with it, which simply means that I was entirely driven by my own emotional and feeling experience and that this clouded my ability to see reality for what it is and genuinely question whether a ‘work of art’ has in fact ever changed people’s lives to the extent that I thought it would.

In this, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge art as something frivolous or useless, wherein by defining it in such way I am then creating a negative relationship to it, but still a relationship nonetheless, so this is about me taking responsibility to ensure I no longer impose any ideas, beliefs, perceptions and reactions toward ‘art’ itself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create yet again an experience of disdain toward people that are using art as a way to demonstrate the corruption and deaths of people here in Mexico, wherein now artists are gathering to create portraits of students that have been – most likely – sent to be killed by a high authority in one of the states here in Mexico, and so reacting with the experience of ‘this is utter bullshit’ and so having the desire to just curse at the people that believe that in any way doing a portrait or performance of and for the people that have disappeared will change their family’s grief or would in any way ‘solve the problem.’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that this ‘disdain’ is simply a tantrum like experience that comes after one had created certain ideals and expectations upon something, which is why one has such a ‘stance’ toward – in this case – art, instead of realizing that ‘art’ in itself in this case is not aiming at creating a tangible, physical solution, but simply a remembrance that some people might find supportive and that’s up to each person and how they react/interact with such artistic expressions – therefore

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become hypercritical to anything that has to do with art and aiming at bashing it constantly or whenever I can, which only demonstrates my own judgments and ‘false expectations’ created and imposed toward art, wherein I was trying to make of art an actual ‘tool to change the world’ but I realize that ‘art’ in itself as a manifestation and expression cannot do that at all – self change is and will always be here as ourselves, it is about who we are in our mind and in our actions, which in turn will define our creations as well.

 

I realize that in this, of course I’m missing out the actual self-forgiveness that extends beyond ‘myself’ only but as a human being that has lived in a world where pictures, emotions, experiences are the actual ‘drivers’ and/or ‘fuel’ of our reality, wherein the society of spectacle also involves creating this kind of ‘motives’ and ‘remembrances’ using art as a way to ‘heal the wounds’ or else, without realizing that in essence, art only works at a mind level and as such, it creates no solution to real-reality problems and in this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge art for not being what I expected it to be, instead of realizing that it’s only me that tried to make it’ more’ than what it in fact is – in this

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to constantly try and fit ‘art’ into the category of a human creation that will in some way ‘change the world’ or ‘change people’s consciousness’ wherein in my desire to ‘fit’ art into this ideal, I’ve actually created such an unnecessary conflict within me, because I see that it is just impossible to do so, because nothing, no object, no image can ‘change you’ but only oneself in actually understanding why changing is necessary and how one can practically do it – in this:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get so infatuated with the idea of ‘change’ being able to exist within art, which you know in terms of the large scope of what art is, this idea of ‘change’ is already a limitation, a definition that is coming strictly from who I am and what I am walking in my life, which is very much aligned with ‘changing myself ‘ – thus, I have to stop trying to fit the world, fit people’s idea of art into my own.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be gullible and somewhat stubborn in trying to fit ‘my idea’ of art into everyone else’s artistic creation, which then of course leads me to only criticize, judge it, see it as ‘not good enough’ or ‘pointless’ or plain ‘bullshit’ without realizing that I’m judging it from my own point of view that aimed to make of art ‘something life changing and revolutionary.’ Therefore, I realize that I have to STOP trying to impose my own ideas of what art was supposed to be as a catalyst or a way to change people’s minds/lives and instead of trying to measure ‘all art’ against my own idea/belief and perception of what ‘art should be, I have to rather use all judgments as a way to continue checking what exists within me as an expectative or assumption around art, as this is then how I can use art or anything else as a mirror to continue seeing where I am creating experiences and separation from what is here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to play out the love and hate relationship toward art, which only signifies one thing: there are still remnants of self-definition within me according to ‘being an artist’ or wanting to stick to that profession as ‘what I studied’ or ‘who I was,’ because in a way I still wanted to try and ‘save the profession’ as ‘my choice’ and having done so in absolute clarity and conviction within myself; and so this was my attempt of trying to justify my decision thinking that I wasn’t so ‘out there’ or detached from reality when I chose to study this – but, at the moment I can see that I was in fact not really ‘grounded’ on Earth 10 years ago when I made such decision and that somehow I am still beating myself for it, which is not necessary – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having chosen what I now judge as some self-conceited and self-importance and absolutely self-indulgent profession as ‘art’ which in this is in fact only judging and ‘dissing’ that which didn’t ‘turn out to be what I expected’ and so, I realize that I have gone back and forth within this experience in the past of the ‘love and hate relationship toward art,’ but the problem is that I still tried to ‘suit my idea’ of what art should be in everything that I continue to see/watch and consume as ‘art,’ instead of realizing that I have to absolutely let go of the idea that I once held about art, let go unconditionally of my past choices in life, of my past ‘mindset’ and as such, stop any judgments around this point within me.

I commit myself to see art for what it is: a series of visual or experiential-based objects or images or actions wherein one is challenged to see reality with another pair of eyes and get to see reality from each person’s mindframe and perspective – thus to take it ‘for what it is’ as an individual or collective expression, instead of continually trying to see ‘where or how is this in any way changing the world?’ which is My idea of what art should be and the reason why this conflict still would emerge within me.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge ‘the past me’ as vain and superfluous for having chosen such a career and now in one way or another wanting to throw shit at it, which is not really acceptable at all, because art as any other action and creation that we do in this world, is part of what we also have to take responsibility for. Thus my way to contribute to it, is not to ‘bash’ something because it did not ‘fulfill’ my expectations upon it, but rather take the words that I had once associated with art / being an artist and live them myself in the way that I see is supportive and best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to having said this morning ‘where the hell was I when I decided to study art?’ and say so with a sense of regret and disdain toward me and so toward everything and everyone involved in such practice, instead of realizing that if I did this same kind of reproachment for everything else that I see we have done ‘wrong’ in our lives, I would live in constant reproachment which is obviously not necessary at all as in that, we only trap ourselves in guilt and remorse, instead of focusing on what is required to be changed HERE.  

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize that what’s hiding behind this is me not wanting to admit that it was my own starting point toward art that defined my now judgment toward ‘art’ which is not about ‘art’ but about me and how I was in fact living and acting in a self-absorbed manner and was seeking for the kind of things like fame, fortune, all the money and the ‘good life’ as well as bashing the system while earning good money, lol – so I realize that I have to simply admit to myself the kind of decisions that I made in the past, the reasons behind it and that there is no way that I can ‘turn back time and change my decisions and career choice’ because I do realize that the decisions I made in my past were absolutely ‘congruent’ to my mind-frame, my interests, my aspirations in the past and within this, I have to absolutely let go of me trying to ‘make sense’ of my initial ambitions and desires in life so as to justify them, and try and see them with a ‘good light’ so to speak, which is not really necessary to now super impose some ‘goodness’ to it, because that would simply imply that I am still judging my past life and decisions as something ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ or ‘self-interested,’ which is not really necessary once that I realize I have simply moved on from that phase in my life and my interests and aim in life have veered substantially from how I used to think 10 years ago, which I am of course grateful to myself for as well and for all the past moments that led to this realization.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project my dissatisfaction with my past choices upon every other artwork or artist I see and get to know of by judging their work and activity in all possible ways wherein I diminish it to being ‘pointless’ and ‘useless’ and taking this as a ‘fact,’ without realizing that all of these were only self-judgments that I have created around ‘art’ based on my own judgments toward myself and my past.

Therefore I commit myself to stop wanting to impose my idea of what ‘art should be’ upon others’ creations and simply redefine the word for myself to live as the actual creator of my life within the principles that I have established for myself of self-responsibility, self-introspection, self-forgiveness and self-correction as I see that this is what I have realized is the genuine way to do what I always aimed doing through art, which is changing myself and so with that, changing the world – therefore I hereby let go of the desire to ‘change the world’ through art  or attempt to make of art that ‘one point that changes the world’ which is also not ‘the point’ here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to as a human being desire to do something ‘more than myself’ through objects, experiences, artifacts outside of myself and now judging art for what I believe or assume ‘artists’ are aiming to do, which is another judgment coming from what I used to do with art itself, instead of realizing that art can be used as a bridge for self-investigation, yet it is not ‘the change’ in itself at a massive level that I wished it to be at some point, as I realize that self-change and self-realization cannot in any way be something done through only one action, one object, one image and have an effect ‘en masse’ – there are no magic tricks on this.

 

I commit myself to stop judging art, artists, art collectors, art supporters and everyone that enjoys art and instead see ‘art’ within the realm of any other human activity that we do at the moment which means that everything we are and do is yet to be walked through a process of self-realization and self-correction, which means there cannot be something that is genuinely ‘supportive’ if there is no foundation to understand such support or what would be supportive to ‘change oneself’ or ‘change the world’  – thus I am the one that has to stop seeing art through the eyes of ‘practical change’ and/or ‘practical relevance for self-change’ wherein I then create a righteousness to create ‘negative’ judgments toward it, which is once again falling in the judgmental trap that leads nowhere and in fact then I would support the continuation of separation, reactions, judgments and division in the world.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that because I studied art, I have ‘an authority’ to bash it which is really only playing the same critique conundrum that I have also criticized in the past, instead of seeing art or anything else as just expressions that each one of us will have to take self-responsibility for, for the intent, the purpose and the experience within which it was created – thus, I am no one to judge anyone or anything for what it is, I can only reflect myself upon the world and thus take responsibility for my judgments, my experiences, my expressions ‘toward others’ and always realize it has nothing to do with art per se, with artists or with the artworks themselves, but with myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still have wanted to control ‘my vision’ about art and so be able to ‘measure all other art’ according to what I had defined as ‘art,’ not realizing that this definition of ‘art’ is not even certain for people in art creation themselves. So, this is once again a point to show how when trying to ‘fit in’ one’s definition upon something/someone, because  each definition is created in one’s mind, it will always be a source of conflict to try and define something that in its nature is not meant to even be ‘defined’ as such, thus I see that my point of control was coming also from self-interest and still wanting to somehow remain with the dignity of having studied something ‘meaningful’ or ‘more than’ any other career, which would then lead me to play a value game that is once again of the mind and of consciousness definitions.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still go and see art in the hope that I will find something that is ‘life changing’ which is why every time I obviously come out without ‘anything’ or ‘nothing learned’ because I am seeing it all through the eyes of ‘come on, art exhibit, change me, change my life!’ which is impossible of course, it would be like thinking that praying to the image of a god or a saint will change your life, which is simply a delusion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having ever been fascinated with creations because I have now judged this as ‘vain’ instead of realizing that just as anything that we create in this world, we can appreciate it for what it is in its physicality and no longer having the ‘artistic value-frame’ with which I was trying to measure it against, as this is once again trying to control and impose my own perspectives and experiences toward ‘art’ itself upon others’ creations. It would be like trying to define which human being is more ‘beautiful’ than another or which tree is ‘more expressive’ than another – it is really pointless and a waste of breaths to be dwelling upon this kind of questions, because ultimately if there’s something in art is that precisely this whole ‘valuation’ scheme is meant to be broken or questioned at least.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have judged this point as ‘petty’ or ‘non important’ or there being more ‘relevant things to blog about’ but, I realize that due to the actual judgmental view that emerged within me while watching Marina Abramović’s documentary and when getting to know of artists gathering to create something around people that have disappeared through political reasons, it was then a point to of course review and open up within myself so that I can align this one point within me and my day to day living and so stop the judgmental me toward art or artists as a constant source of conflict.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I have some ‘right’ to judge something because of having ‘studied’ it, which is essentially a belief learned from how our system operates with licenses and such, without realizing that a judgment will always be a judgment specifically when it’s made in an attempt to debase or ‘debunk’ something as to ‘make it less’ in a way, wherein then my judgment becomes in my mind something ‘superior’ to point out.

 

In this the application is actually to ensure that I can investigate all things and keep what’s best, instead of investigating all things, judge and criticize with an attempt to ‘debase’ something and then place my judgment as ‘superior’ which is obviously a destructive and consequential way of looking at things.

I realize that I can use anything and anyone in my world as a mirror, and in this, whichever I may think, believe and perceive relates to ‘another’ is in fact about myself, because I can only think/judge something about someone  if I have judged myself in the same way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that I was in fact desiring to ‘take a position’ or ‘take a side’ in relation to art because of the self-definition I have created within and towards ‘art’ which is how one then creates a sense of ‘righteousness’ as in having ‘one stance’ in relation to it, which is all knowledge and information based, it is not at all considering what is common sensical or looking at what’s supportive within something – but instead, immediately putting on the ‘judgmental glasses’ and ‘finding fault’ eyes going into ‘attack’ mode to point out all the ‘flaws’ but all of these flaws are pointed out within the starting point of me already seeking to ‘debunk’ another, which is quite the usual nasty game that we play when we want to impose our own mind/righteousness, what we believe is ‘right’ above others.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to question the ‘impulse’ that I sometimes have in relation to wanting to talk about something/someone in an attempt to ‘debunk’ them while still holding a judgment with experience in it as to ‘prove it wrong’ – instead of realizing that I can talk about something/someone without having to resort to taking an antagonist stance toward it, but simply be able to reference it, to look at it in common sense and then  focus on reflecting any judgment back to myself, that’s the only way one can really develop self-honesty, and stop only criticizing things for the sake of feeling ‘righteous’ about something or someone and so justify my experience toward something or someone, in this case, my ‘experience’ toward art which shouldn’t exist at all as an experience.

In this it is to realize that any experience that I have toward something/someone, it indicates I have created a relationship to it, and so it becomes a point for me to take self-responsibility for which means: it’s never about ‘art’ itself, it’s about how I see it, who I am toward it and this is then a much more supportive starting point to look at art and visit art galleries, to see ‘what comes up within me,’ instead of visiting and looking at art from the starting point of ‘proving it wrong’ or wanting it to ‘match my ideal’ of art, which is why all this back and forth friction toward it emerged: it’s all an inside job.

 

I realize that ourselves as human beings tend to seek for answers or ‘find ourselves’ ‘out there’ instead of realizing that everything we require is already here, as ourselves. So in this, I commit myself to stop judging anything that we do/use in order to get to this point of self-realization, wherein I see that art can be used as a tool of self-reflection as with anything else in the world and what we create and do within it. This is where I then have to realize that my process and realizations cannot be the same as others’ and so, I have no authority to judge others’ processes, ideas, beliefs and perceptions – this process is about self-responsibility so here I then commit myself to always see art as a cool point of self-reflection wherein I stop all judgments ‘toward’ art or artists themselves, but rather see ‘who am I’ toward it and use that for my own process of self-honesty.

 

I commit myself to integrate the realization that everything that I judge or criticize in a judgmental manner is and only has to do with myself and the relationships I have created toward something/someone in my past, and so I can only look at things/people objectively where I can first identify if there is any reaction, take it back to self wherein I see the origin of such judgment toward it, do a self-reflective analysis on it in order to support me in common sense to immediately realize: I am imposing my past definitions upon this moment here –  and so I then focus on seeing, watching, reading and participating in anything related to art for what it is – no hidden agendas allowed within me.

 

For a review on the documentary:

 

What life can be

 

 

Read people recognizing their self creation abilities in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


420. From Disposable Life to Purposeful Living

 

I watched the other day a speech by Henry Giroux for ‘Disposable Life’ series wherein various philosophers and writers share their perspectives on this topic. It is cool to be able to hear a list of all the bits of points that surround us on a day to day basis as all the problems that we are continually co-creating in what he calls the ‘undoing’ of society, though I would say that we have in fact never lived such genuine meaning of ‘society’ itself, we do live together but we haven’t genuinely agreed to have a particular purpose in our lives other than fulfilling our happiness according to what we adopt and come to live out as our most popular we tend to focus on, which usually are the little aspects that make ‘our lives happy’ which are mostly linked to self-interested and fear-denial type of activities wherein we can get a sudden rush of joy to the head, only to then go all the way down ‘below cero’ into depression, stress, anxiety and a general sense of hopelessness to live. I can attest to this since I used to live like that and I would mostly spend my time formulating speeches in my head wherein I could bash humanity for the ‘stupidity’ we are, for all the greed, violence, torture, war, inability to think properly, for our passivity, for the pleasure in a spectacle of violence, for the desire to have the most ‘over the top’ lifestyle, for the sexualization and dehumanization of children, for our morbid fascinations and so on, but the reality is that over the years I realized how tiring it is to actually hear more and more complains or theories about how all went down the drain the moment we started to privatize and capitalize on what some have the privilege to own, and how we have grown to be comfortable in the arms of our captors and how we actually like to abuse ourselves…

I realized that it is really a disservice that’s being done by all of the people that have the attention and power to address the masses to only let us know what we already know in one way or another, because we are doing it already, yet provide no feasible or practical and applicable solutions; so, because complaining about ‘people not providing solutions’ would make me of course part of that choir, I have begun dedicating myself to share on a daily basis for now while I can, what I investigate throughout 24 hours, what I get to see and notice from other people’s arguments about the situation we’re facing in the world. I’ve found many are now suddenly starting to see the importance of changing ourselves first, it’s usually pronounced as the need for a change in consciousness instead of only participating in public demonstrations that as Giroux states, have become spectacles that are then stored as another memory in people’s minds = becomes irrelevant = is not sufficient.

A change in this world is definitely more than throwing tomatoes at a parliament building, or acting out ‘civil disobedience’ which has become a predictable and ‘part of the system’ type of expected tantrums from people that complain about things that directly affect the status quo of their lives. Protests have become the normalized ‘disobedience’ and that implies of course no genuine change can come from trying to fix what is broken from the get go.  This spectacle only leads to more outrage which fuels war against those that we perceive as culprits. We have to actually take our power back, but how can we ‘take our power back’ if we haven’t even realized what we are actually capable/able to be and become?

 

Pejac

Human Nature by Pejac

 

This is why it is so vital to actually focus on developing or ‘uncovering’ our real potential as individuals. I’ve seen for myself how I would have never placed myself in a position I am at the moment if I had followed through with my high & lows type of ‘gloomy’ type of mind-experience that I used to impose upon myself and project it toward ‘life on Earth’ – it’s actually quite selfish to do this, I see. It’s been fascinating to see myself back a couple of years ago wherein I would still see ‘no way out’ and every now and then cave into the realm of being in a tunnel vision wherein all that I could see was more destruction, more abuse and no way out.  Well, you see if we individually remain in such a constricted mindframe, for sure it will be simply impossible for us to even consider a ‘way out’ – why? Simple: because we see the world according to that same filter we have built as how we think, what we believe and perceive ‘the world’ and ourselves to be. So, if in my mind I am only focusing on identifying all the problems, add my own emotional input to those and then become that experience as ‘the way the world is,’ of course it will be a tad difficult to be able to see any ‘way out’ if all we see is the same filter filled with one’s emotions, limitations, continuous self- debasement and helplessness. What we haven’t realized is that this is the ‘perfect’ mindset to keep the world as is, because we do not even bother to ‘try and change it’ and I cannot sufficiently emphasize the importance of actually taking self-responsibility for that general sense of being ‘the lost generation’ where all we see is a doomed and troublesome future.

Sure with this I’m not trying to happy-paint the world here, because that would be delusional and jumping to the opposite side of the fence attempting to say ‘positive things.’ I have also realized within me that I had to actually let go and detach myself from the comfort of my own gloom and doom, because it was actually quite addictive to simply resort to the same mindframe where I wouldn’t even try or commit to any change, because all that I would think is ‘What for? Nothing will change, everything is fucked, what’s the point anyways? No one is doing it, so why should I? And as I write this, it seems ages since I would think like this, however it is not that long ago – therefore  I see the importance of sharing this realization: life in fact is not ‘fucked’ per se, we are the ones that have messed with it and so I can say that I’ve been there, done that and have actually been able to stop that inner experience and instead actually dedicate myself to ‘change’ me, which is not an attempt to become a better person either, it is simply being able to remove all the flawed starting points I had created upon my day to day living, and so rather integrate new ones that do not require me to ‘feel’ a certain way to move day by day.

 

One of the most interesting developments I’ve noticed within me is that I actually have become what I used to judge before as ‘naïve’ for example, when a person would share how they have stopped any form of self-abuse and gotten themselves ‘back on track’ I would see them as ‘phony’ because I could not perceive or believe that a person could be ‘happy’ in this world. However I’ve also realized that this is not about ‘being happy,’ as that would also be also a ‘state of mind.’ This is about recognizing and realizing how much we have underestimated ourselves, how much attention we have given to our own judgments, our own emotions such as how ‘I feel’ based on energetic experiences, how we fuel our own continuous inner-conflicts in the mind instead of waking up with a sense of what am I going to do today to continue constructing my own life in a way that I see is supportive for myself and others as well?

There is no feeling necessary from the moment we wake up, there is no need to ‘feel’ in order to live, and I know this is kind of like a mind-bending statement since we have defined our ‘existence as human beings’ according to ‘how we feel’ about things, according to our emotions and feelings – but! I am proof here that I have realized it is absolutely a waste of being, breath and life to continue tampering our potential and debasing our every moment with every single thought that goes through our minds, and experiences we become in our bodies with which we react to by hooking ourselves emotionally to them and believing that such ‘inner experience’ is in fact an expression of us ‘being alive.’ Nope, that’s just acting by preprogrammed design of the mind, and that means it is the expected trap we continue falling into the moment that we believe that all those flaws and lacks, limitations and fears is in fact ‘who we are’ when it is not, at all.

Even though it may seem so simple to say ‘great! I’m not going to focus on the problems and focus on the solutions now!’ it is a rather detailed and meticulous process of investigating to what extent every moment that we ‘live’ is defined by our behavioral patterns of the mind based on thoughts, feelings, emotions as beliefs, ideas, perceptions, judgments, fears etc. A change in consciousness is necessary for change, correct – however the point is not to ‘change consciousness’ but to understand who we are and have become as ‘consciousness’ to then be able to understand that the problem is when we try and use the same flawed tool of perception to ‘fix things’ when it is definitely not about ‘fixing ourselves’ but rather realizing we don’t have to use the same old tools, the same old ‘way of looking at things,’ the same old starting point to create genuine change within and without of ourselves

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

Albert Einstein

 

Genuine self-change is thus the ability to first understand who we are as the mind and with that, discover the real power we have suppressed within ourselves from the moment that we accept the belief and idea of something or someone being ‘more’ than ourselves, being ‘above’ us or in charge of our lives. We have actually become comfortably numbed by this idea of someone or something else taking care of us, and that’s what is the greatest problem we’re facing: we’re apathetic because we believe we have ‘no say’ in how things operate – but that has to absolutely be exposed for the form of mind control it in fact is: we are not governing ourselves, we are not directing ourselves in our own bodies and mind, we have not even learned how to properly live our lives and care for our own bodies – this is about realizing and seeing for the first time how it is that everything we have thought ourselves to be is in fact a manufactured lie that follows the same patterns and systems we have co-created in reality to keep all the bunch of lies in place.

 

If we are all tired of lies, deception, corruption, fear mongering, violence, wars, protests, abuse and inequality in this world: then we have to actually become the solution to all of these things beginning with ourselves, we have to be the example of what it means to live as an honorable, trustworthy, reliable, self-supportive, cooperative and self-responsible individual that ensures that one’s genuine ‘self-interest’ is redefined as the consideration of what is best for all, as that also includes oneself in it. 

Once again, saying it or writing it out is easier than actually living it. It is a hard working process, for sure, no one said it was going to be something that ‘magically appears’ out of nowhere, becomes our new principle and we’re suddenly all changed. Just consider that every single habit we live by every single day is precisely the accumulation of all days of our lives that we have lived and applied such behavioral and emotional patterns. Therefore, it will take quite a self-willed resolution to change, it takes one’s volition as the understanding of why we decide to stop certain thoughts, fears, self-limitations, self-abusive and destructive habits in order to continually remind ourselves that this is a constant application of changing ourselves in every single moment that we are alive, until we no longer have to ‘remind us,’ because we would have simply gotten to integrate these new living principles within ourselves.

This is the foundation of a genuine democracy, and this is a word to simply be realized as the power of the people, the power that we actually have if we first recognize and develop ourselves to live to our utmost potential. Once again, sounds ‘great!’ but it does require an actual letting go of all the comfortable excuses, justifications and fears we use to not give that actual step outside of such self-abusive comfort zone. It takes guts, yes, it takes courage to live in self-honesty, yes – though this is what is required of us if we do want to genuinely step in and change the way the world is operating right now.

 

If there’s something I can see I am developing through focusing on my own change and in investigating solutions, co-working and talking with people that are also focusing on solutions, is that this is the new ‘flame’ so to speak, the genuine passion to live that I never thought I could encounter within me, and I am thus grateful to be able to share it as a way to ‘pass the torch’ and get a genuine sense of ‘illumination’ to first realize that in order to ‘change the world,’ we first have to get outside of our own little thought-box, our own bubble, to see beyond our tunnel vision, to stop all the excuses to not do this such as blame and self-hatred and get rid of our constant desire to complain about things – it’s time we actually grow up as human beings – teenage years are over – it’s time to mature and actually get to see the great potential we have if we all stop living as victimized ‘emos’ and start developing real skills that are useful to create a world that is best for all.

 

More and more people are ‘waking up,’ but there’s always the same loop of not knowing ‘how to follow through’ with such decision to be part of the solutions to this world. Therefore, I can share  all the entries on this blog as a process that any individual can walk for themselves to start dissecting each mind particle we have become, be able to self-forgive to recognize our responsibility to what we had become and so, plant new seeds of living principles that we are willing to water each and every single day to genuinely grow and get to be benefited by the fruit of our labor so to speak, which is the work that we do on ourselves just as we all work day to day to make our world and lives function. This is the new meaning of life, not a disposable life, but a purposeful life that exists as a potential in each one of us, so let’s live our lives, day to day with the realization that it is now or never that we begin prioritizing what really matters to be done in this world.

See you around if you are ready for this.

 

life-isn-t-life-without-honor

 

Suggested read:

Day 606: Self Discipline & Resistance

Day 603: We’re All in This Together

Day 176: Annoyed With Whiners

Day 626: Fake it Till You Become it

Day 273: CEOs are easy to blame – but how are we the same as them?

 

Read from people around the world developing their purpose in Life  in the 7 Year Journey to Life blogs

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


418. Deschooling Ourselves: Why and How to Do it?

 

unlearn rethink

After watching Charles Eisenstein’s Deschooling Ourselves workshop video, I realized how important it is to be aware of how much of ‘who we become’ as a person in our society and in relation to others is shaped in and by the schooling system. To this, it would also be unfair to only look at school as the only one problem there is in our society, because schools were created by us human beings in the first place so there’s a human mind behind it all; albeit for all practical purposes, the idea of ‘education’ and the blind trust that parents confer to the schooling system makes of the schooling system set up the most easy way to actually justify integrating values, beliefs, behaviors, ways of thinking reality, ways of relating to others, ways of survival among one another where we are geared to continually having to prove ourselves to be ‘the best’ or ‘the worst’ in a system of standardized marks.

School is also the place where we come to first get in contact with people of different backgrounds, where our initial social clash begins which leads us to start inherently doing a process of preference over principle, which is how we come to build our very first friendships and relationships, where we as children do not  have a full awareness of us in fact being in a closed-system where one gets to be friends with people that could or could not afford some private/public school, and so already from there, we start classifying ourselves based on our socioeconomic background.

I have to say it is also unfortunately the place where parents place their most trust on within the systemically integrated belief that ‘whatever happens in school is just fine’ and that teachers and the government system behind it as education system ‘knows best’ – while parents mostly see this as some free time from their parental duty – or are deliberately also kept busier with long hours of work which is leading to unattended children growing up in front of TV’s, computers plugged into the myriad of boundless information on the internet and learning tricks about drugs and developing sexual deviances as a way to escape the inherent anguish of living in a world where parents must work 24/7 to get money to live, and where you as a child/youngster will invariably have to end up doing the same… I mean, who would not react to that expectative of one’s ‘future’ in this broken world? Yet we dismiss it and actually have come to blame schools, blame media, blame the government, blame parents and so as you can see blaming each other for the problems we have co-created in our society of which school is one great and pivotal pillar of.

 

robots

 

There’s a complete structural problem in our society and a large part of it has to do with how we haven’t questioned our sacred institutions like schools and the way they exist nowadays, which from my perspective are more like prisons or reformatory cells, they have always been the brewing ground for behavioral conditioning, human experimentation and indoctrination which goes unnoticed within the idea that there’s always an authority that somehow has a ‘greater understanding,’ because we place our trust on systems of validation, certification and quality-proof standards placed by some organization we’ve defined as government, which are a few individuals that have unfortunately proven to be easily bribed to rather arrange laws and regulations in a way where other individuals can be benefitted from it all – either for profit, for further population control or both. All of this apparatus of authority is currently quite skewed of course and it is rather alarming since school is the spot where kids are mandated to go to every single day – yet, even if kids do not go to a school per se, the same principles of it are still embedded in the way that we organize ourselves, in the way that we related with one another, in the way that we value ourselves, in the way that we choose what we want to do with our lives, in the way that we behave with our families and friends. The sheer idea of ‘education’ as it exists now is only a reinforce and catalyzer of essential mind and behavioral patterns that have existed within us as human beings since the beginning of our species, as they are all existent in the very core programming and functioning of our minds. So, what have we done then? We have only perfected the mechanism to make it a continuous mandatory process for kids to get to like/dislike certain things and make decisions based on, well, mostly fear of survival so that we can keep the same slave system mechanism running. But is it really the system that is the enslaving one? Or is it that we haven’t really realized where the real policeman ‘in the head’ resides in? Hint, the answer is already given in that question.

 

In Charles Eisenstein’s Deschooling Ourselves, a group of people walk through and expose all the behaviors, personalities, quirks and fears that they have become throughout their schooling years, wherein either one would stick to the rules and follow or dissent and rebel in whichever way possible, one would start valuing oneself according to the kind of work you deliver to the teacher, another would seek to prove the teacher wrong, another would seek be approved by them, another just wanted to break free and rebel against all rules… this also included some other more personal aspects like  because in school we also have mostly faced some of our most embarrassing or stressing moments.

I’ve shared before about crying over getting lost during math calculation exercise and not being able to keep track of it, getting so anxious that I burst into tears. From my experience, I’ve shared before about the usual pressure one would get when being ‘on the top’ and so having some classmates trying to ‘take me down/take ‘my place’ and directly letting me know how they would win over me and how they would see me fall and be glad for it, etc. All kinds of bullying also comes when being the one that sticks to all rules and does things ‘to the T,’ which to me for example later on became a way to simply dislike being used as an example for the class, which led me to then want to hide while  still wanting to keep my sense of public recognition. This influenced the way I shaped my main personalities: I started to desire being ‘cool’ for any other reason other than getting straight A’s …  and kind of a ‘rebel’ by liking non-popular things so that I could make it clear that I wasn’t ‘the teacher’s pet’ either for example.

All of these patterns are part of a lengthy self-investigative process that is contained in the pages of this blog as I’ve seen that most of the times when investigating any mind pattern, word or behavior, it invariably goes back to one of those ‘memories of schooling days’ and how some of the most ingrained fight or flight patterns, behaviors, attitudes, self-definitions like qualities and virtues, likes and dislikes as well as career choice a.k.a. who I wanted to be and become as a person, were shaped based on the same education system. To me it also involved a process of sharing a room with either 6 other kids in my first school and then moving onto being with over 35 in the following schools and universities, which is already quite a challenge when it comes to seeing how it is virtually impossible for teachers to be truly aware of students in large classes.

School becomes ‘the place’ where we are supposed to ‘find our ground in life’ and so, it’s quite obvious that we only become copies of the copies of stereotypes that we also acquire from the usual imprinting of professions we are supposed to go veering toward from an early age as part of the social-structure – however along with that, we got movies, TV shows imprinting a whole different set of values with which we believe we are in fact ‘making a free choice’ to do what we want, but we have never even questioned whether what ‘we want’ is in fact something we truly developed for ourselves or something we learned from school or saw on TV or internet.

In essence, we have never really been genuinely ‘ourselves’ as all we have become is copy of the copy of the coping and survival mechanisms we’ve shaped as personalities or professions, and that’s what I mostly have realized also when it comes to investigating myself and my ‘core personalities’ and how everything that I developed as ‘my personality’ was a collection of bits and pieces of popular counter-culture aspects along with a decision to antagonize the system no matter what, while remaining ‘safely’ in it at the same time since I would still like to be the obedient straight A person in school, lol, even if I tried to ‘rebel’ at the end… it just would not work as I couldn’t simply fathom myself being irresponsible at school which involved a sense of responsibility of ‘school being the one thing that I had to do as my main activity’ throughout the years.

What is behind that, for example? Fear of being punished, fear of being left behind, fear of losing my self-value and definition? Fear of losing my ‘throne’ as the first one in the class? Well, these points are definitely something that come to define ‘who one is’ based on a particular setting like school, where we actually acquire this way of thinking based on achievements, values, marks, behaviors and responsibilities that lie not within a common sensical practical outcome, but according to doing things the way they are asked to be done and according to a ranking system that is in no way based on the particular skills and abilities that are unique to each child, that is simply not part of our school system.

At the end of that Deschooling workshop by Eisenstein, the ultimate question remains: how to Deschool ourselves? And I simply realized that actually walking this process of self-investigation, of writing oneself to freedom, of developing self-honesty wherein we investigate our core patterns within ourselves is the best way to deschool ourselves, because in investigating our behaviors, our personalities, our fears, our manias, our weaknesses and strengths, our relationships, our friendships, our first traumas, our first embarrassments, our bullying experiences, our relationship to authority, our ability to learn, our qualities and deficiencies, comparison and judgment toward others, our discriminatory or empathic behaviors, our friendships, our enemies… all of these aspects that one actually gets to first live in school – most of the times – are part of what one can write out for oneself, investigating each pattern within the awareness of writing the experience out to identify how is it that one has limited oneself in such pattern.

So for example, if I had continued to only value myself according to what marks I would get in school, and feel ‘bad’ for getting a lower mark, then I would have continued to seek to get some ‘straight A’s’ or the equivalent way to get such ‘superiority validation’ somewhere else in my world, just because of not wanting to get to the opposite side of that and so lose my self-validation/recognition. So I had to work with understanding ‘who am I as recognition’ and the desire thereof, where am I not valuing myself, how have I accepted and allowed myself to only value myself according to achievements at school? Or how have I believed myself to only be a brain that thinks well? Where am I not actually seeing myself beyond this limited valuing perspective and really seeing through a broader potential that I had probably and most likely would not have developed if I had continued to only stick to my personality and personal desires.

So, deschooling ourselves involves a practical and continuous application of walking a process to self-forgive and let go of all the plethora of perceived flaws, definitions, beliefs, limitations, fears and rather work with developing real self-value, real self-acceptance and skills to develop ourselves to our utmost potential. In this, for example, I had to stop the desire to be recognized by others, while at the same time also walking the opposite polarity – because, as one walks one pattern you also get to understand how the mind works in polarities. And so I realized that along with my desire to be recognized, I also got to fear being recognized and so actually sought to ‘hide’ or become a rather ‘low-key’ individual while still holding on this ‘recognition’ point in place, so essentially I would create my own inner conflict which I even externalized in the way that I would dress in a rather extravagant manner while  at the same time using my body’s posture to indicate that I didn’t want to be seen, so I would hunch while walking because I believed that standing straight was ‘showing off’ and only able to be done by good looking girls for example, lol, yes all of this is a fine example of how we pollute our minds in fact.

So, this is just a tip of the iceberg example that one is actually able to investigate for oneself when looking at all the patterns we’ve become in our lives, not only from school but acquired from parents, from people we watch on TV, from the books we read, from the people we admire, from our friends and people around us, etc. As I’ve mentioned, we’ve become the copies of the copies and so the schooling system, the social system has become nothing but a reflection of these categories and identities existent and developed in our minds wherein we get lost in comparison, judgment and the idea of value in relation to ‘who we are’ within the system, all of which actually enables us to coexist within our current dog-eat-dog mentality, where all that matters is achieving personal glory regardless of who or what is abused and affected by it, or ‘collaterally damaged.’

 

I am a product of this society and I’ve had to walk this rather astounding process of deschooling myself,  of deprogramming myself in my mind while at the same time walking a process of self-creation, which is a continued process of self-investigation of every single moment, every single day wherein one continues to assert oneself as the new integration of common sense, of living principles, of a sense of commonality, of a consideration of what’s best for all, of not following an experience as to ‘how I feel’ or how I believe ‘I should feel/be like/act like/talk like’ to dictate who I am in the moment,  wherein it is a continuous process of letting go of any constrains and limitations that I have previously identified through writing, and have released through the process of self-forgiving behaviors, emotions, feelings, thinking patterns, ideas about myself so that I could then practically and actively work on stopping myself from running-through the same old programmed ‘me.’

Now I place my focus on attention on this self-creation process which is truly a first-timer for us all to be able to walk and do, because it is now that we are for the first time becoming more and more aware of things that were deeply rooted in the unconscious before. Now we are able to slowly but surely as humanity able to spot these patterns and behaviors with greater ease, and I have to say that this then a great opportunity and it does rejoice me to see more and more people starting to question themselves, and the overall world-system, which indicates there’s in fact a great opportunity existent here to change the direction of our lives if more and more people start waking up and smelling reality for what it is so that we can work together to correct and align it.

I must also say that when I speak of this process, it isn’t something I do ‘by myself’ nope, it would have been mostly more difficult I’d say – I walk with a group of people networked through the internet – around the globe – with whom we’ve shared our lives,  our writings for over 7 years now, keeping in constant processes of developing and strengthening our communication and feedback processes to ensure that we don’t get lost in this re-educational process we’re walking, which has to do little to nothing to any regular ‘schooling system,’ but we are all more than certain that more individuals must recognize the vital importance of implementing this self-investigation process as part of our schooling system, learning how to work with our minds as our thoughts, feelings, emotions, to learn how to effectively write them out and communicate about them while integrating a sense of self-support through developing common sense: the consideration of what is best for all. 

It is about time we realize that it makes complete sense to actually focus on empowering each other to learn how to best coexist as human beings rather than focusing on being liked by the teacher, or beating our classmates, or planning ways to get into a group of friends to ‘fit in,’ or planning our greatest success where we disregard another’s life of lack of opportunities and suffering that is and has become our collateral damage in this zero sum reality.

It is thus in our greatest and most common interest that we could all walk this self-education process of self-honesty which is a process of self-creation according to living principles to get to develop ourselves to our fullest potential, and so make it part of our educational programs in whichever way they take shape in the (near) future once that we more and more realize how detrimental and even harmful our current standardized type of educational systems are which actually stems from the skewed and misconstrued value systems in our minds.  

So, the best way to deschool ourselves, which is the same as saying the best way to change ourselves is definitely walking the Desteni I Process. There’s no greater set of tools in this world, nor greater group of people that commit themselves to support one another throughout this Journey to Life, to live in dignity and equality. And I can only encourage everyone to try it out for yourself, because if I had aimed at simply wanting to ‘change’ but not really investigating my mind and living patterns to the utmost degree, to really learn how to sweep behind the rug of my memories, my past, my experiences, to understand who am I within my mind and how to practically apply and establish solutions in my day to day living, I would have been equally lost in a constant yearning ‘for change’ but not really knowing how or where to start.

This isn’t an easy thing to do either, it’s probably the greatest commitment we’ll ever make in our lives, which is our commitment to actually learn how to live in the benefit of ourselves and all life considered. However, it will for sure be the most rewarding and long lasting for future generations as well.  

 

Recommend to Read:

Teacher’s Journey To Life

 

Remove the cords - self change -deschooling - desteni

Artwork by Damián Ledesma 

 

 

Recommended to watch:

Hear the Podcasts:

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


416. Relationships: Not about the Taste, but the Nutrients

 

There are times when the most obvious still manages to become part of my moment to moment living, and this has been mostly ghosts of the past meaning people, places, past relationships with specific individuals that I also developed highly obsessed type of relationships too. And so what I heard in an interview on Paranoia is about this “positive” type of paranoia wherein I realize that I had missed one single key point: the moment that we allow one memory to occupy our minds and we reactivate the experience of that particular memory in the past, we allow ourselves to re-activate that whole ‘me’ of the past in that single fleeting moment where one gives-up/ gives into any form of energy based on memory. Lol, really it is as if we decide to possess or poison ourselves for a moment just to give ourselves our energy-shot while imagining/seeing pictures in our mind, where we use illusions to kick off an experience within ourselves that we have defined as “pleasant” – either nostalgia, yearning, excitement, excitation, curiosity or merely believing that I miss the person or situation.

 

But then again of course when realizing this – after listening to this interview – it became very obvious how even almost like at a quantum level, even before translating this interview I was having an itching desire to just leave that one for later and go out for the walk. But, I didn’t, I made sure I got it all recorded before leaving and I was glad I did as I was then able to then use my time through my walk on my way back to apply Self-Forgiveness out loud for all the bits and pieces of memories and seemingly ‘insignificant’ moments where I would allow myself to trigger the thought of a ‘ghost of the past’ – meaning a particular memory of a person, situation, event – and then engage within it in a pondering manner, which is mostly what I’ve seen and realized means I hadn’t entirely decided to give ‘good riddance’ to it, to fully and actually let-go.

 

And in this, what came up was the realization that I cannot really ‘miss’ anything or anyone as I am already here, one can only ‘miss’ something as an experience in our minds, as the bond created toward that something or someone.  So, missing implies only ‘craving’ the relationship formed at an energetic level toward another which means: a relationship formed through the mind, which are the only kind of relationships that can be missed, spoiled or desired as they had a starting point of energy and ended up being busted as energy – never real.

 

Within this, I see that the people with whom I have formed relationships based on co-operation, co-working, working through misunderstandings and genuine decision to support each other are rather the strongest and most constructive type of relationships that I would genuinely suggest all of us as humans to develop and invest our time and effort on, it is the kind of relationship that is not dependent on ‘preference’ toward another or a fleeting experience of desire or attraction or based on being ‘similar,’ but rather in the equal recognition of each other as human beings with our weaknesses to strengthen and our strengths to share and learn from each other.

 

I saw that I had associated the word relationship in a rather limited manner wherein I could mostly only see a partnership type of relationship and within that of course, believing that because ‘my point in process are relationships, then I am not doing that well’ and so even creating an experience of ‘leaving that point for later,’ instead of realizing that I would not be able to be doing what I’m doing if I wasn’t able to actually establish relationships with other individuals.

 

So yet again, seeing to what extent I/we have been brainwashed when it comes to words and our narrow view of these relationships wherein even only defining relationships to ‘people’ is still a limited perception, as life is a conglomerate of relationships, and so relationships are the key to being able to function as one organism and be able to live in harmony. For that, each one of us as a thread in the tapestry of our reality has to stand in principle and absolutely clear when it comes to being able to work with one another – what does being clear and standing in principle mean? It implies that there can’t be no past memories haunting one another based on past mistakes, judgments, preferences or merely suggesting ‘incompatibility of characters’ that trigger emotions of contempt and disdain to one another or ‘nice’ and ‘positive’ feelings to one another. In this, any energetic experiences toward another, no matter how subtle, no matter how positive or negative are always coming from the mind, and as such they become like a poison that prevents real supportive and constructive relationships from developing.

 

Why do I bring up the word poison? Because in my own experience, I’ve seen relationships come and go based on the energetic starting point I started and developed them with, wherein even my sole intent and desire to create a bond with a particular person backfired to the point where none of those relationships is standing at the moment, and it’s for the best. It is a tough lesson you see, more so when we have created a culture where all that you learn from TV and movies is to ‘fall in love’ and seek for that ‘spark of love’ or attraction with another, or that nice warm empathy felt to someone that becomes your friend or else – it’s all about ‘feelings’ as fuzzy warm energy sparks that we create in our body, believing that ‘this is normal’ and ‘this is what love is’ or what ‘relationships should FEEL like’ – when in fact Relationships is anything but a Feeling or a fleeting experience in our minds. They are actual processes of walking with another/others throughout a considerable amount of time to get to a particular outcome – to either develop an intimate relationship as partnership or to develop common tasks and projects to take on.

 

Why is there no-energy type of relationships? Because all that we’ve ever known and learned about relationships is to place the FEELING before anything else, and this is rather consequential and on the long run, only smoke that eventually fades out and what is left is mostly the result of our failed relationships: broken marriages/divorces, inability to communicate and eventually war too is a failed ability to cooperate with each other as equals, but instead keeping a particular experience toward the perceived ‘enemy’ that is always self-created: we decide who we hate and who we love, instead of always placing our equality as living beings above all other forms of segregation, which is mind created.  

 

I also spoke self forgiveness for having actually used and abused myself when it comes to using a memory, a ‘ghost’ essentially to trigger an unnatural experience in my ‘physical-moment’ of being just here and suddenly going into this shift as an alternate reality of a sudden yearning, a curiosity, a ‘cherishing the past’ attitude that I took as normal without realizing that in going to the past in those seemingly ‘fleeting moments,’ I have kept reactivating the whole ‘me’ of the past, as the one personality with all its various memories and networks within me linked toward that particular person/situation/event whenever I would allow this ‘ghost’ to emerge within me.

 

I realized that the reason why I wasn’t letting go is because it is those first relationships that you establish that have the most energy, the ones that we get the most obsessed about or give the most attention to, which is why we go endlessly seeking over and over again that ‘first high’ – this is what I suspect heroin addicts seek forevermore after their first shot and they cannot get it ever again,  because it is unlikely that the body can experience such dramatic change of state again. And so addicts try and increase the dose, but it won’t ever be ‘the same.’ It’s the perfect trap when it comes to enslaving ourselves to memories attached with such ‘high experience’ you see: we keep chasing energy, we keep chasing ghosts in our own minds that no one can see but still we allow those ghosts to come up and absolutely define ‘who we are’ in one moment.

So this is a point of awareness to truly be here as breath and not allow the same memory/matrix point to lock-me down into the same thinking patterns, which at times it’s as if they were ‘there’ in the air in a particular place and one would go ‘picking it up’ as one walks through such path – just as one walks the street for example.

 

To Forgive and Let go

 

All that is Here is myself, it’s who we are, and I could only ‘react’ to it if I had formed a special bond/relationship to it through energy. Energy – for all practical purposes – is a mental experience, it implies separation and as such it makes perfect sense to remind me about this aspect of the points of separation that I create through holding on to the specialness in those ghosts from the past, a perceived importance, added care and interest to a part of me that I developed a particular relationship to.

Here another reminder is that no matter how ‘subtle’ this is, whenever I perceive this ‘ghost of the past’ as something that ‘defined me’ and as such is special because ‘it changed my life’ etc. it indicates a speculative relationship toward that something/someone: it’s energy, it’s my mind, it’s memories, it’s invisible, it’s a ghost and I have to stop haunting myself with them.

How I’ve seen these emerge is as if in my mind there were  like these various hooks that containing some of the most ‘attached’ type of experiences and relationships formed in my past, so it is like a broken record seeking to be flipped for another play. It is also quite laughable to what extent we have given up our ability to remain focused here on reality because of having followed these ‘ghosts’ in our minds, giving up our attention to us being here, breathing and suddenly whoop! Going up there in the mind, following these flimsy little things that we already know where it lead us and that tend to constantly emerge in the moments where the actual opportunity to be fully here, physically exist. They come up, ‘innocently’ and the moment we get into the web we get caught – so it’s up to us to decide how far down the rabbit hole we go or if we can absolutely prevent even getting ‘curious’ to fall for the same hole that we already know leads us nowhere in fact.

 

If anything, it is great to observe these memories, to really look at the experience triggered and sometimes it is as if ‘revealing the name of the game’ as the name of the energy would already break part of the spell, because it is in our inability to discern the ‘hold’ that such memory has upon us that breaks the ‘spell’ so to speak.

So instead of going into an experience of being unable to identify the experience we’ve linked to the memory (of a person, of an event) and perceiving that one ‘can’t name it’ but we ‘like it’ so ‘we keep going and go for it’ – it is to realize that I/we have to stop playing naïve when it comes to what we dive into and/or indulge into in our minds. And yes, it’s mostly always about memories, memories, memories – the ‘reminders’ of who we are supposed to be, act like, fear, like, dislike, desire, etc. There is always a way to find out the energy in a memory as in defining what makes us feel good or terribly bad as the most extreme points of fear and desire, like or dislike, these relationships of separation through energy as positive or negative experiences that we create in order to define us, to continue limiting us – but never realizing that by de-fining/delimiting and identifying us with a ‘few aspects’ we’re already building up our personality cage from which we then seek to interact with ‘similar cages’ and avoid ‘different cages.’

This is how we come to create a caged world divided by words, experiences, misunderstandings, offenses and past broken relationships. It’s even funny how we’ve learned to ‘get over’ with some past love or relationship with an individual by then going to the opposite type of relationships such as going from ‘love’ to ‘hate’ and so proceeding to ditch them, taking them in our minds to the opposite side. In this we recreate the exact same relationship to them, it remains in place because all we did was changing the ‘charge’ or the definition ‘tag’ of the relationship build up – in this case moving it from love to hate, but our personalized relationship to that one person/event/thing is still the same: based on energetic experiences that only we can define because: they only exist in our mind.

I still very much ponder how come we haven’t declared mental insanity around the globe so that we can create a genuine ‘state of emergency’– along with our regular duties and responsibilities – make it mandatory for our common wellbeing to work on our mental stability, health and support ourselves to go through it, as that is the key to genuine peace and solidarity on Earth, to learn to ‘love our neighbor as ourselves.’

So the conclusion is that I cannot keep going fueling these mosquitos from the past, these buzzing little things that can become our sole point of attention if we get to be obsessed with ‘finding more’ into them, instead of seeing them for what they are: ghosts, reminiscences of what once was and it has in fact nothing to do with who the person or situation really is or was in fact, as all that we remember is OUR EXPERIENCE about the situation/person, and that’s always self-created, that’s our own ghost-factory creation, and in this we only continue dividing and conquering each other by illusions.

 

So, hereby I commit myself to stop fueling any tiny thought or memory that leads to an experience about the person/event/ghost of the past and realize and so in those moments realize I can instead fully breathe and realize, I am here and I continue walking and enjoying the moment for what it is.

I realize that we only want to ‘make more’ of our moments as an experience in our minds, and it is the simplicity of breathing here what we perceive ‘lacks’ something, like insipid food that lacks salt and the salt being the energy. We don’t need those ‘extra flavors’ as the flavor comes and goes, it’s only perceived for a few moments on our taste buds and then what really matters is the actual nutrients that we are ingesting and how it will support proper development of our physical bodies – that’s the real type of nutrition then we also have to seek in personal relationships too: not going for ‘taste,’ but rather working on the actual nutrients that we all have and can develop further in each other as we work and live together.

 

My declaration of Living Principles:

22.    The realization that for me to be able to change myself in thought, word and deed to the most effective living being that I can be and become – I first have to ‘know thyself’ and so commit myself to investigate, introspect and understand how I became who I am today, to prepare the road before me into self creation of a responsible, aware, self honest and trustworthy person for myself and so for all

 

breathing being

Suggested Supportive Interview:

When Words are the Looking Glass to Ourselves – Reptilians – Part 203

 

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


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