Category Archives: self creation

485. Let’s Make Us F.O.O.L. Again!

Or how to point the finger back at ourselves in relation to loving or hating political effigies

 

This morning as I went to buy some tortillas (staple Mexican food) the man that was selling them was listening to the news talking about – yes, you guessed – Trump’s inauguration, the ‘riots and protests’ around the world and in various US cities. As the man was weighing the tortillas he said:

– May I ask you a question?

– Sure – I Said

– Do you think that Trump is crazy?

– No, he just represents in a more uncensored manner the human nature that we all have to change within ourselves

– I don’t think he’s crazy, being different doesn’t make you crazy

– No, he may step out of the usual politics, but he is there to show us back all the points that we need to change within ourselves and focus on that by ourselves.

End of our exchange. All that I’ve seen in the buildup to the US elections is a notorious division in people’s minds about Trump, as if he was meant to be loved or hated to the core. Now, I’d like to explain how I don’t wish to make this in any way a political blog, I’m here to share a perspective that precisely goes beyond the question that I’ve been asked several times already in terms of ‘What do I think of Trump?’ And I will share my perspective here.

At the beginning of his campaign, I did go into sharing one of his statements and calling it something like idiotic or in a similar way, only to then question myself as to what am I creating when praising or bashing any other person? I have walked a similar process with my ‘hatred’ towards the catholic church and another leader that I came to hold in my mind as ‘a despicable human being’ which I had to also walk my process in self-honesty to understand my hatred and realize that I am not in fact doing it ‘toward them,’ but it’s all about what I accept and allow within myself as a relationship or experience that I impose onto others parts of our reality, which is also parts of me. Since then, I’ve been breathing every time that I see this political leader – Netanyahu – giving any orders that I could usually squirm about and instead, breathe and live my self-forgiveness: he is another me, he is part of our consequence, we are all him, he’s playing a role for us to see what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

This application has worked well, also whenever I would usually walk past a church or see the popes on the media and again ‘squirm’ or recoil within myself – but I can now see, walk past many churches (lots around here) and no longer re-create my own hatred-fixation that served no purpose other than wrecking my own body by becoming hateful, ignorantly so because my hate was never going to change the nature of humanity or of such institutions, only through actually committing myself to change can I do that, and that doesn’t require a single emotion or feeling.

During Trump’s campaign I saw and read how many people loathed him, hated his guts, ‘could not stand him’ but I decided to not participate in the praise or bash, but simply remain observant this time, not jumping into the bandwagon of people that either loved him to death or hated him to his death, literally. I then saw how the purpose of this media and political frenzy was to continue dividing and conquering people. As if it hasn’t been obvious enough – because I’ve been very vocal about it many, many times – this whole political set-up is once again getting people to hope for another person in a role we have created to precisely abdicate our personal responsibility, to change our lives, to be the difference, to be ‘the rebel’ in this case that goes ‘against the establishment’, and I’m definitely keeping an eye on how things develop because to me this Trump presidency can act as a catalyst to finally open full eyes to people that still have ideas of ‘a president being the real change’ and instead of praising or hating one single person to save the world or destroy it, rather for once and for all: Focus On Our Lives.

That spells out the word F.O.O.L. but that’s exactly what we become, fools when we follow the media waves, the political waves that are nothing else but following the same formula applied for thousands of years: create the illusion of choice, divide and conquer, create the idea of a savior and everyone will follow.

Why is this so? Because of our inherent human nature that we’ve created, accepted and allowed, to exist as a follower by default- not a genuine leader. Because we prefer to always abdicate responsibility and blame, instead of taking self-responsibility and assuming the consequences of our actions, regardless of the outcome. Because we like to fight for our limitations, instead of strengthening our strengths, strengthening our weaknesses and helping each other to become better humans every day.

The list can go on. This is why I said to the man this morning that Trump represents very well the human nature that we ALL have to change. Not sure if my words were heard, but that doesn’t matter, because I am aware of our tendency to ‘skip’ the realization that we are all Trump, we are all Netanyahu’s, we are all Hillary, we are all ‘the worst criminals in the history of humanity.’ Now we simply have to accept it, digest what it means and start acknowledging our responsibility to it all.

What I see very relevant to do is to remind ourselves is to grow out of the old, to let go of focusing so much on ‘mainstream politics’ and focus on the politics of the self, of the nature of who we are and have become to acknowledge the very same patterns ‘out there’ in the shape of our politicians and recognize that very same nature of ‘them’ existing within ourselves.

Here, I also look beyond borders. I discuss Trump even if I am a ‘Mexican’ and even if I am ‘supposed to be offended’ or supposed to be ‘hating Trump’ based on how Trump has discussed Mexicans and Mexico in his agenda. I stand clear, I am beyond a label and instead stand as a human being that can discern in common sense what is best for all and what is not. Therefore I can only take the person for the words they say and the actions they live to see how congruent they are, how much of what it is promised or spoken of becomes a reality and how much is simply part of the usual show, and from there see what are the creations and consequences of such actions. Therefore if someone would like to believe I should condemn his words or actions, I remain clear in my stance and will test out where it gets me: I cannot ‘bash’ or judge, I can only propose and create solutions that I can start living within myself and in my sphere of influence. That’s then stepping out of the ‘battle’ loop and into self-creation.

Whichever the outcomes are, I cannot judge him or anyone for that matter, no one ‘president’ will ever change anything, we all have to do that change within and by ourselves, each one of us and stand beyond the need for these fictional constructions as dinosaurs of the past, of a master-slave relationship that definitely has to crumble for the fallacy it always has been. So my perspective is that Trump’s presidency along with various ‘radical’ movements around the world can create a catalyst to for once and for all dismantle the deception that the notion of government as ‘authority’ represents. We will be giving a possibly very tumultuous and chaotic step beyond our limitations – as they say: growing pains and we as humanity definitely have to break down all illusions, shatter everything that does not stand within the principles of equality and what’s best for all – and so focus on the reality that we CAN create one by one, in living principles, without the need of a ‘master’ to guide us or save us. We have to stand in self-leadership.

I had refrained myself from talking about these topics – yet again – to me it felt like repeating myself for the 1000th time, but I’ll say it until these words are etched in our being: we are all equal and one, we all are living beings with the potential to be the best that we can in each of our contexts and positioning, we are the ones that can decide for ourselves whether we are part of the creation of the new or remain stuck in the divide and conquer left-right, blue-red, white-black paradigms of separation, of human descent of the past.

I wrote to someone in an email yesterday: let’s make the world great again, starting with ourselves! Because that’s the ultimate reality: the mirrors (me-errors) of political institutions, of ‘leaders’ and these structures of ‘power’ need to be dissolved within our minds first of all, no matter if they still remain ‘in place’ in our societies for another 100 years: we decide what we give power to in our minds, we decide whether we want to be part of the problem (old politics paradigm, black vs. white, red vs. blue, left vs. right, rich vs. poor) or do we decide to give one step beyond what is presented as ‘the ways of the world’ and stop focusing on all of that, to instead focus on ourselves, creating the lives and living the principles that are best for all.

So, what’s my stance? I choose to not judge Trump or any other political leader that a lot of people seem to get a kick out of mocking. Mocking is mocking, hatred is hatred no matter how we may want to justify it or believe such experience within us towards others is ‘well deserved.’ No, it’s not, because it’s not about ‘them’ but always about ourselves in what we accept and allow as words and experiences Within ourselves.

My personal process thus far has been of being an observer this time, not taking sides in pro or anti but simply taking the man as another me, another human being and as I practice applying on everything: investigating all things and keeping what’s best – which is a far more supportive approach than the bashing that seems to go to the left and right of the spectrum at least in the country I live in, and based on what’s going on in social media, the divide and conquer is running ‘as expected’ because WE all have participated in generating such polarity, while forgetting that’s the way we get trumped, we get conquered.

Consider seeing Trump as our reflection, as our greatest teacher as any other human being can be no matter ‘who’ they are or ‘what their position is’, he only gets the attention based on his hierarchical position, but you can surely do the same reflection with every single person in your life and around you, to see how we are judging them or generating any contempt towards them to instead ask: what are ‘they’ revealing about ourselves and how can I make sure I no longer create this inner-conflict and separation ‘towards that person’ by deciding to align my relationship to those aspects/parts of that person that I have reacted to, and instead see directly where am I living out the exact same patterns that I criticize in others. That’s one simple step into self-honesty.

Will many be willing to do this? After all of these years, I bet few will dare to because we still prefer to keep ourselves in a good light as a ‘good person’ and not question our own problems, our conflicts and admit that such contempt, hatred or antagonism toward anything in this world is in fact revealing something about ourselves that we are in conflict about and have not understood as who we have become yet.

I challenge everyone that holds dear the ‘right to protest’ to question what ‘protesting is’ and if it is in fact an honorable way to develop oneself as a self-responsible human being, one that is willing to acknowledge manifested consequences and stand as a living example of correcting those same problems within ourselves first, rather than looking outside to seek culprits and blame, which is by far and based on my personal research, a very ingrained pattern that is overlooked as an actual self-dishonesty based on the righteousness it is held by, which is nothing else but an ego experience.

That’s why I’ve been so keen to write about the actual nature of ourselves as human beings as a key point to admit to ourselves if we are to Ever in fact stand our ground to acknowledge and live our potential. We cannot grow the best and the new unless we realize the crookedness that exists in all of us – no one’s saved from this – and to learn to understand and work with the flaws, the conflicts, the problems, the destructive nature we’ve become in order to no longer judge it or judge others for it – hint, stopping using some supposed ‘authority figures’ as human piñatas – and instead, take that judgment back to ourselves to see who are we really in fueling those emotional experiences within us.

I saw videos of protests and in stability I simply acknowledge that it will still take time for humanity to outgrow the reactive, tantrum-nature that we haven’t matured from just yet… some of us are slowly but surely standing up from it, so it’s up to us to ensure that the new generations can stand in a much more independent and self-responsible individuality that is at the same time contained within the consideration of the whole as one and equal. Living principles are the key, considering what’s best for ALL in fact (not just those that we see as ‘our country’ or ‘our race’ or whichever other delusional frontier/limitation we create in our minds) is a living principle to practice in a plethora of ways.

These are all steps to go unraveling the illusion of separation, which at the same time reveals to us the potential of ourselves as creators. So, time to focus on self-creation through self-investigation, self-honesty, developing Humbleness to embrace even those we’ve labeled as ‘the worst of the worst’ as parts of ourselves as well that reveal ‘where we are’ as humanity, so we cannot just go and develop ourselves to be these wonderful beings and ‘forget about the world.’ It’s about communal ‘awakening’ for a lack of better word, but it’s not about seeking justice or hope for some other ‘king of fools’ to do the job, it’s about self-responsible living creation that we are all capable of directing in our lives.

Let’s do it and stop participating in the divide and conquer, thank you.

 

Check out this (still) very relevant video

Know Your Candidate: Trump and Hillary Revealed

 

 Point the finger back to self

 

Learn how to stand as your own authority:


483. Standing Our Ground in the Physical

Or how to practically apply the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ in our physical process.

Sharing here some of what we opened up in an Eqafe hangout today with Garbrielle, where we could look at a practical way of understanding what it means to decide ‘Who I Am’ in every moment based on the two ‘options’ that we exist as and ‘have’ as a potential of self creation: for the bettering of ourselves, or for the worse or remaining stuck in a status quo in our minds.

The premise is that we are existing as a triad of parts/aspects that conform who we are as human beings: we have the mind, a being/beingness and physical body.

The mind exists as all the points of separation as the relationships to energy that we have formed and existed as which is everything that leads us to create or recreate the worst aspects of ourselves: self-sabotage, compromise, addictive patterns, destructive behaviors, only seeing problems, creating notions of polarities like inferiority and superiority, morality and the rest of our ‘mind subjects’ that are in no way physical per se, but that we end up making physical when we act upon them.

We have our physical body which is the element of substance, of life manifested, that exists as the living and physical example of what it means to be in stability, consistency, resilience, flexibility, adaptability, self-regulation and even autonomy dare I say because we have no idea all of the processes that our bodies go through in order to keep itself alive and adapting to all of the challenges in the environment, processing what we eat but also most importantly having to assimilate, digest and buffer all the experiences, the energetic experiences that we impose onto it through our participation in our minds.

Then we have the beingness or being which is that ‘spark of life’ – some people call it the spirit or our essence – which exists as that potential in all of us to either go on the way of life or go on the way of our minds.  As the word says, it is a Potential, it is not something ‘given’ but we have to directly develop it – it is not something that has been only ‘trapped in our mind’ or anything like that. It is that life within all of us that can go either way, to support the mind – which happens when we for example cannot reason or see a way out in a moment and can be stuck in an experience of anger for example, or an experience of love – different ‘charge’ but same effect – we get blinded by our experience without being able to step out of it in self-awareness. That’s the way that we have been mostly living as, dominated by energies, experiences, desires, fears and not establishing a directive principle in really looking at what would be most supportive for us to live, to decide to do or be. 

This implies that in the same way that this potential can be used for all things that are not supportive, we can also decide to take the other road of actually directing ourselves to self-creation, self-growth, self development as human beings, as life, which becomes a very real choice and so decision in every moment that we are alive in our day.

 

In the principle of ‘two or more in my name and I am there’ the point is recognizing that we have these three parts that we are ‘made of’ or composed of, which are now completely merged and fused, which means that it is not like we can just ‘turn off’ the mind and get rid of that ‘problematic’ aspect of ourselves and suddenly – magically – expect our beingness to come through and be ‘liberated.’ Nope, our mind is ourselves, it is that part of ourselves that we have to get to know, understand, investigate and learn how to ‘walk through it’ with the tools provided within the Desteni I Process: self-writing, self forgiveness, developing self-honesty and walking a practical corrective process that is entirely intended for us to start shifting away from the usual dominance of ‘who we are’ in our minds, into the uncovering, development and expansion that we can create when we decide to stand as and in that potential within our beingness and as our physical body in the name of life, in the name of common sense and what is best for us and so for all.

In that, how I see it, is that we have the two basic elements that will create the possibility for something to be created, something to exist. If we stand as our physical and as our beingness, then that in itself is us making a decision to stand as life, to live life, to direct ourselves in a supportive manner which in turn, becomes a decision and a ‘reasoning’ as well as a practical laying out of solutions that we plan and write out using our mind now as a tool, standing as the directive principle in our mind to no longer ‘fall into the same old patterns’ but now instead we can use our ability to reason, to write, to make assessments, to communicate, to direct ourselves to live the corrections laid out through writing where the mind then becomes this supportive part of ourselves that enables us to also walk through our mind itself and so, start practically changing the ‘dominant’ aspect of ourselves: from the mind as consciousness – with all the energetic experiences, memories, habits that usually lead to a non-supportive outcome  – to life in self-awareness as the physical.

This means we make a decision in our beingness to stand up, to see beyond the ‘usual patterns’ in our mind and instead, tap into the possibilities and potential that exists as our physical body and that aspect of ourselves that can be geared to support ourselves – for example, developing self-awareness, directing ourselves to do things differently and in a more supportive manner, trying out new ways and methods to create solutions to our problems, test out the consequences and outcomes, investigate ways in which we can expand our daily routines and interactions.  

Therefore what is always a decision for us is who do we decide to be: do we decide to go through the way of the mind, of energies, of conflict, of problems without seeing solutions – or do we decide to in a moment stand our ground, decide to do what will assist us and others, do the actual practical work and walking through initial resistances to do that which is ‘out of our script’, stepping out of self-limitations and instead develop the potential of who we can be once that we go stopping and so correcting our ‘usual ways’ of following our minds as energetic experiences.

‘Two or more in my name and I AM there’ – is an equation, two or more elements with the same purpose and intent and the outcome or result is that which each element in that 1+1 is intended to be and do.

This ‘I AM’ in the equation is what we have the ability to define as the decision of ‘who we are’ or ‘who do we decide to be’ in every moment of our days.

An example, if I stand in a moment with a decision to remain in some kind of anger experience or infatuation towards something, in that moment I am allowing myself to be directed through my experience in the mind, affecting the way my physical body feels and consequently, in my beingness as the core of myself, I am seeing ‘no way out’, I am not pushing for solutions or seeing possible ways to work with those experiences and overcome it. That ‘I AM’ that I am creating is that of consciousness, of the mind, of energies, of self-sabotage, of self-destruction and in essence becoming the ‘I AM’ as the lesser version of ourselves, less than our potential.

But if in that same moment where I see myself in the experience of anger and instead I make a decision to no longer drown in the experience but help myself out, like for example: I decide to write about the experience, the inner conflict that led to the anger, understand the experience as my creation, recognize my responsibility to it so that I can then proceed to self forgive it, understand that experience of anger as a part of myself that I have to correct and deal with, to see it as my creation that is here, waiting for me to take a supportive action to correct it and so create a preventive measure and solution to it.

In that moment I as my beingness along with the physical body decide to take the path of integrity, of self-honesty, of self-responsibility, of challenging ourselves to change that experience within us through actively investigating it, finding out the ways in which one can practically live the solution in, through and as our physical bodies that – along with ourselves standing up as our beingness in that decision of do what’s best for all, what’s supportive, of growth and expansion – we live the words and expressions as actions that signify “I AM supporting myself, I AM standing up, I AM taking responsibility, I AM creating life in a supportive manner” here it’s not about just making nice declarations – no, it’s about living these words through actually making the changes that would lead us to truly stand up, to truly live as self-responsible individuals. This is what creates a clear difference between the choice of living in the mind, in the illusions or delusions – or deciding to live in the physical process of self-responsibility, of self-support.

In making a decision to assist ourselves – the beingness/being standing as and with the physical body – enables ourselves to then see the mind as the aspect of ourselves that now has to accept our core decision and so, who we are and what we live through the mind will be directed/guided by us making and living that decision to live life, create life, change ourselves for the better.

What is left then is no other option or function for our mind other than becoming the aspect or part of us that rationalizes the process, that can process it as a living decision and in doing so, the mind is no longer this ‘thing’ that represents and brings up the worst in ourselves, but instead we use it to direct ourselves, to write, to communicate, to interact, to assess, to plan – etc. if we are to create a solid foundation to our lives, we have to decide ‘who we are’ in this ‘I AM’: do we take the road of the mind, energies, consciousness or do we take the road of self-creation, of living, of self-responsibility, self awareness and self honesty?

The choice is always ours, the choice is always existent in every moment where every interaction, every experience becomes an opportunity to live in a better way, in a self-honest and honorable way. It’s about deciding to see and live life differently which is a genuinely empowering and supportive decision and a living process that has changed my life for the best, there’s no doubt about it.

So, how about becoming aware of this basic decision in every moment of our days: can I push to become the better version of me in this moment? What do I have to practically do to achieve this? What limitations do I have to transform into a supportive outcome, one that can truly change our nature that we have tolerated for the worse for so long?

We decide! And that’s empowering

Thanks for reading and if you’d like to watch the hangout, here’s the link:

Atlanteans – The First Encounter with Anu – Part 21

As Garb said: Do I want to be part of the problem or do I want to be part of the solution?

I stand with the latter 🙂

 

Thanks for reading and watching

Two or More in My Name

Learn how to live your potential:


479. Making an Impression

Or how to redefine the process of desiring to make an impression in self-interest to making an impression as an expression of what’s best for all

 

There was a very supportive audio that brought up a relevant word for me to look at and that’s ‘impress’ and impression, where the question was brought up of investigating who we are and where we stand in relation to this word.

I’ve realized that there is this existent undercurrent and constant intent within me of wanting to leave an impression, a ‘mark’ on a person no matter how menial or profound our paths or interactions are. That’s me then looking at creating an impression upon them, which nowadays relates more to in any possible way create an opening for others to see things a little bit more different in life, where I can possibly plant a seed to question ourselves more, to desire to learn more about ourselves as human beings – this is based on the kind of person I am creating as myself, a person that can actually have something meaningful to always share whether through words, actions, or sheer presence, that’s the kind of ‘impression’ I’d like to develop as an expression of myself. I have to admit it can become a ‘drive’ in me that likes to dig into the deeper dimensions within individuals whenever I get the chance to do so, and be vulnerable myself because I also see that ‘masking’ ourselves through pretension in wanting to be accepted or liked through lies/deception/masks is doing nothing more than recreating the false-sense of ‘individualities’ that we’ve taken as a normal human trait, which are all based on preferences, likes, personalities, cultural influences and the rest of it that are nothing else but disguises, ‘tags’ that we’ve adopted in order to ‘differentiate’ ourselves from one another.

But even if this ‘drive’ seems supportive, I also have to be prudent and moderate because sometimes I can get a bit out of hand with being a bit too unconventional in situations where others might not be entirely understanding ‘where I am coming from ‘and that can cause a ‘wrong impression’ that would take some time to walk through with others, and sometimes there are no possibilities or ‘second opportunities’ to do so – therefore, I have to remind myself of moderating myself, my expression, being patient in considering others as well, yet without compromising myself either, but developing the real me as an expression that stands in support of myself and so possibly stand as an inspiration or example for others to consider doing the same as well.

I’d like to make a case of looking at the possibilities and ability we have of leaving an impression on others that is more meaningful in the sense of ‘who we are’ as human beings, our substance – not our disguise, our masks, what we look like or wear or what we ‘carry around’ with us – but allow our own thoughts, words and actions speak for themselves. That’s the kind of person that I’ve been working on creating as myself, but this wasn’t always ‘the way’ it’s been.

I also have had and still walk through the other programming in the word ‘impress’ where there was almost an inherent experience in me where I saw myself also as having a potential to ‘impress’ or ‘be naturally charming’ which would then create a form of benefit with other people – but even as subtle as it was, it became also a reason to deliberately challenge my own image and do something a bit more ‘radical’ that could put to test this aspect of myself based on image. I shaved my head and then have tested out who I am when I am not relying on a sense of ‘beauty’ to present myself to others – or any other artifices – but keep it as simple and natural as can be. This is not me making a statement that it is superficial to have hair or do makeup or anything like that, I did believe some of that at some point but I have decided to not compare or judge others, this is about me and a particular path I am walking in a very personal way when it comes to how I have decided to present myself, which in my starting point and view is a way to ‘get past’ the appearance –even if we can’t ever get ‘rid’ of an appearance per se, we can decide to challenge it in ways that are not harmful or hurtful ‘towards others’ but a way to test oneself, and to me shaving my head has been one of them, plus letting go of a desire for recognition at the same time at an egotistical level, but more in constantly letting go of any pretense and just be, which is quite a challenge at times and it’s more of a fine balance between all of these points that becomes a constant practice.

Talking about ‘desiring to impress’ others from a point of inferiority in my past. I tried to impress people that I was interested on having a particular relationship with, which meant my whole starting point toward them was of desire, of seeing or comparing myself to them and assessing I was ‘inferior’ therefore, I had to ‘impress’ others through – in my case – knowledge and information in order to be liked or accepted by particular people. This includes personality traits that I believed would be able to ‘be liked’ by males particularly and of course this led me to live more for ‘others’ than for myself. There were times where I got so ‘sucked into’ a relationship where I lost my sense of individuality and my own life, as I was living for others, upgrading my personality ‘based on others’ preferences’ and desirable traits. This is definitely Not the way to live, it becomes an experience of being ‘racing’ towards something all the time, fearing losing that one person or ‘thing’ that one is getting/obtaining through constantly having to ‘impress’ or ‘keep impressing’ to maintain a particular relationship.

This was exhausting, not only for me but because I’d see the other person would also fall into the same game and I pondered why we were believing that we just ‘weren’t enough’ for each other… that’s the kind of relationships that of course have to come to an end because we are not being self-honest with oneself in who we really are and being vulnerable in rather acknowledging each one’s flaws and weaknesses in order to strengthen them in each other as a form of support or natural outflow of being in a supportive relationship. That becomes a richer process and it is definitely liberating to create relationships where we share ourselves as we are, without any pretense, without trying to be something that we are not, because what do we know if we transform ourselves for the sake of ‘a relationship’ with a particular person? We are not living for ourselves, we are entirely existing in a constant inferiority spot that becomes a constant experience of fear, of jealousy, of comparison if one is not yet valuing oneself as an equal to that other individual.

Therefore the whole desire to ‘impress’ in itself already rings an alarm that we can use as a flag-point to instead ask ourselves: where am I perceiving myself as ‘not good enough’? Where and toward who am I comparing myself when believing that I must ‘impress them’ and beat other competition, so that I can be the ‘chosen one’ in this situation or within a certain relationship? Why am I allowing myself to compromise who I am for the sake of creating a relationship with a person? And then, pushing oneself to be self-honest to see how if we tolerate this starting point of inferiority and wanting to impress others through presenting ourselves as something that we are not, we eventually get caught up in our own lies and the deception eventually catches upon us.

It reminds me of a movie that I watched last year called ‘A Perfect Man’ where this aspiring writer sees himself as incapable of writing a good story that could get published, so he finds the manuscript of a dead person and turns it into ‘his first novel’, which gives him the fame and recognition he was looking for, eventually leading him to have ‘the perfect life’ and his ‘perfect relationship’; but all of the pretense and lies eventually catch up to him as reality knocks the door. That movie precisely left me considering how far we can take ourselves in order to be ‘living’ a lie, and how much of a burden this pretension becomes just because one wasn’t wise enough to rather develop oneself, practice and create the necessary skills in order to eventually master something or get to be ‘good at’ doing or being something as an actual process of self-creation, instead of jumping into a ‘quick fix’ based on self-deception and lies, because of believing that one wasn’t good enough without ‘extra magic’ which in this case I’d refer to magic as all the characters, personalities, ‘extra traits’ that we might act out/fake in order to impress others.

So what I did to walk through from this ‘desire to impress’ from a starting point of self-interest – like acquiring a particular relationship – to the ability to make an impression on others in a natural way or as an expression of who I am is precisely linked to walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness. It is about letting go of one’s self-judgment, fears or insecurities and so desires based on a rather unfortunate common perception of seeing ourselves as inferior, seeing ourselves as ‘not good enough’ – which leads us to constantly devalue who we are and seek ways to be accepted, to be liked, to be loved, to be ‘irreplaceable’ in a relationship – yet, it actually gets oneself in very tricky situations where we may become ‘the perfect fit’ that we’ve modeled ourselves to according to someone’s desires, and in doing so not only do we trap ourselves to ‘always be all of that’ for that one person, but we also cage themselves in becoming entirely dependent on us and believing that all of those ‘desires’ they aspired to obtain are real traits or are ‘realistic’ in the way that one is compromising oneself to portray or act like ‘for another’. This probably happens more often than I am aware of, and what happens is that it turns into an unsustainable relationship – as it was in any case – where one eventually can’t keep up with the ‘act,’ because it’s no different to being inflating a bubble until it pops – and all bubbles have to burst! That’s a fact of life and a very necessary one, because all that ‘inflates’ those bubbles is everything that we fuel within our minds as ideas, beliefs, perceptions, judgments, comparisons, fears, desires that we impose onto ourselves as ‘who we are’ and ‘what defines us.’

So, once that one walks through a process of dropping or shedding these layers of self-compromise, what is left is ‘the real me’ that I can then focus on redefining, on nurturing, growing, expanding as a myself, as the real being that I am that goes beyond a particular image or façade created ‘for others’. In this I have in fact found my own skin and a sense of individuality that I can then honor as myself because it does change everything about oneself when we decide to no longer feed one’s ego in every step that we take in our lives, and instead decide to change ‘what we are all about’ as the kind of person that rather stands as a point of change in relation to what has been accepted as ‘normal’ or ‘normal-lies’ (normalized) that in my particular life and experience, I have definitely taken on the point of ‘rattling the cages of the caged’ as in deciding to physically as a ‘first impression’ have an unusual presentation which is that of shaving my head which I’ve been doing up to this month for 7 years now and it’s been quite assisting to me to be honest considering how much I had also debased myself according to beliefs on my appearance and so challenging myself further with removing one aspect that people would usually associate with ‘beauty’ or ‘sexuality’, I then present myself in a way where I make a clear statement of what I am about, of what I am ‘into.’ This has become a source of conversations throughout the  years that open up different ways to explain why I do it and what is it that I work on or explain my ‘views’ to random people in various contexts. That has been cool but it’s after all not so much about how it is received upon others, because I am also aware that it sometimes might alienate people that might be in their particular process and position a bit judgmental about appearance, but that’s entirely up to each one and it’s understandable as well based on how ingrained our parameters of beauty or presentation extend to.

But beyond making it about facing my image towards people, after all of these years of having worked on various reactions and upon seeing the plethora of reactions it might cause, I’ve learned to let go of focusing on ‘how others see me’ and instead make it my own, see it as my own physical representation of the principles I am dedicating my life to embody and continue expanding on.

I’ve also questioned myself if this makes me too ‘image driven’ at the same time as I know it does create a particular ‘impact’ or ‘impression’ on people at a first glance level, but it is still then only an image – what I however have liked over the years is how this particular self-created difference as a ‘haircut’ or the lack thereof can open up conversations that I would have to get to in a longer period of time with people, sometimes it becomes a catalyst to jump straight to explaining about this process and set of principles if the person is willing to hear the reasoning behind it, but ultimately I do it as myself.

 If we can make an impression or ‘stand out’ in the crowd then, let’s stand out for all the good reasons like being acknowledged as an individual that can be an example of a different way of living, not only in the ‘external ways’ but most importantly in the internal ways, to leave a mark and create an impression that can assist other people in possibly discovering more about ourselves as individuals beyond ‘first impressions’ and facades and the rest of cover-ups we create through our minds that become like layers that we then have to get rid of – one by one – in order to eventually get to the core of ourselves and from there, be able to decide who we really want to be, what kind of person do I want to create as myself based on what is best for all and considering self-honesty.

This is then a much more meaningful and honorable process that in itself is already ‘making a stand’ and requires no particular emphasis to ‘create a good impression’ on others, because our thoughts, words and deeds will speak by themselves, by ourselves, and that’s the kind of expression that will create an impression by default, an expression that I have to keep fine tuning, working on, deconstructing and reconstructing, which is my own impression or imprinting of words, attitudes and actions that are beneficial for me, so that I can stand as the better version of the that can in turn assist many others more to break out of the pretense and inferiority in order to discover the genuine self that exists in all of us as a potential yet to be discovered and developed.

Thanks for reading

 

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478. Want Transparency and Integrity? Let’s BE It

Or how to start becoming the solution to all lies and deception within our very own minds

There was a great opening by Cerise and Joe to consider how it would be for every person in our lives to know about what we have thought, imagined, fantasized in absolute detail doing or saying to them throughout our entire life and then asking ourselves if knowing all of this would change the way they see us, and if we would be able to face them without shame or guilt.

The ‘scary’ thought of this implies right off the bat: we got a ton to work on in relation to developing self-honesty which means acknowledging our very own thoughts, every fantasy or imagination, every experience created by ourselves as a form of self-interest where we only consider ourselves but never really give too much of a thought about that person that we are ‘thinking, gossiping, judging, fantasizing’ about in any way – positive or negative, same thing – because for the most part we’ve believed that these things do not affect others, but it’s become quite clear that we cage each other in our own ideas, beliefs, perceptions about others which we synthesize as a form of judgment, backchat, reaction towards another that we then turn into behaviors, ways of ‘treating’ a person which means, we make of those opinions a ‘very real’ representation of the other person in our minds, which then defines how we treat them/see them/acknowledge them, where we justify whatever we are doing onto ‘them’ because it seems righteous, because we believe ‘that’s who They are’ – but, considering that every single person would be able to see and get to know the exact detail of everything I have ever thought about them in my mind, it would surely be a daunting consideration, but to be honest I’ve been hearing the words ‘all will be known’ for close to 9 years now and this has definitely been a factor to curb my ‘self-entertainment’ in a continuous  way related to how and what I think about others.

However this does not mean it is entirely done and sorted out in me, not at all. I’ve faced many forms of challenges in relation to what I think, perceive, judge or react to in others, and the truth is that I many times don’t immediately stand on my ground of self-responsibility to rather see what are these thoughts, judgments, fantasies or experiences revealing about myself. I actually had been considering this for the past couple of days and here to answer the question, I do consider that people would definitely react upon seeing whatever I have thought or perceived about them, because we are not really taught to deal with such perceptions/imaginations about others in our minds as the expression of those that think or fantasize about it and that in no way does it really define ‘who we are’ – meaning, in any case, anything I have thought, gossiped, idealized, imagined, judged, reacted about towards ‘others’ is in fact defining myself and only myself as aspects or parts of myself that I have to work on, but that we as human beings conveniently usually deflect to ‘others’ in an attempt to dodge self-responsibility and self-reflection, which usually stems from wanting to see ourselves under a the light of ‘being a good person.’

Here then, I have pondered many times throughout the years about a potential situation in this world where we could suddenly have all the ‘veils of the mind’ lifted from ourselves in one go and all the chaos that would possibly ensue if we were to suddenly see every single detail of anything that every person we know – or don’t even know – but get to know of have had such imaginations, fantasies, judgments, opinions about ourselves, and how that could ensue like a real ‘world war’ if we don’t get to settle ourselves to understand how everything that we ‘think’ – imagine, perceive, judge, fantasize, react to – about another is in fact our own expression, judgments, ideas, perceptions and that in no way does it really define ‘another’ but ourselves.

That realization is usually an ‘ouch’ experience to most where we’d like to think that we ‘have a right’ to think of another in our heads ‘whatever we want’ with some sort of power to judge, criticize, fantasize about in whichever way – this is certainly a timely situation to consider that we don’t, and that no matter what we do, we’ll face each and every single person in our lives that we have ever had those thoughts about and walk every one of those relationships – no matter how menial – into a point of correction. That’s what our Life Reviews will be about.

So, I’ll share here how through walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness, I have already had my own taste of shame, regret, embarrassment and a personal experience of wanting to ‘dig a hole’ for my own head upon reviewing some of the most shameful things I’ve done, thought or fantasized about in my  mind about others. I am sure I haven’t walked through them all, but it is so that in those moments I have also projected possible scenarios where if I would face those people again, I would ask forgiveness and explain ‘where I was’ at the time of my life where I was creating those ideas, reactions, perceptions ‘about them’ – and in several occasions how I acted the way I did toward them, how my decisions were influenced by all of this mental chatter – and how I eventually found out all of it was in fact about myself only; I would share how I have learned to assist myself to correct these judgments, ideas, thoughts or participations so that we can stop recreating this ‘invisible world’ of lies and deception that we allow to exist in our minds towards another, but we don’t dare to actually confront and lay out before another to be honest about one’s own experience and walk a process of self-honesty to realize oneself as the origin and creator of those reactions that we are simply projecting or imposing upon others as ‘who we believe they are’ – when they are then, in fact, not.

Would they decide to change the way they see me upon knowing all of this? Considering how most of us operate in our minds, I’m sure it would create a lot of rifts in a relationship, because we haven’t learned to not take things personally, but we always are quick to believe that ‘that which another said about me defines me’ and forget all about questioning the creator of such judgment in the first place. So it would be quite expected and normal to walk through a phase of having all of those people suddenly see me with ‘bad eyes’ and then it would be my responsibility to acknowledge where and how have I worked on taking responsibility for those things said or fantasized about another and accordingly go working on my own responsibility about them through self-forgiveness and so walking a process of self-correction.

Would I be able to face them without shame or guilt? As I explained above, most likely not, even if I am not ‘technically’ seeing the people I have been reviewing memories or situations of my past – including ‘recent present’ – in my mind in order to process it, take responsibility for it in my head, I have felt such shame, regret, embarrassment and guilt many times before. But at the same time, I’ve learned how it can only be a temporary experience really, and it’s up to me to make of this shame more of a transitory learning experience rather than a self-bashing and self-judgment process that then becomes another layer of judgment for me to process. I’ve created a reminder to myself to not fall prey of ‘double-judgment’ where one judges oneself for the judgments, beliefs, perceptions one has created about another… it’s definitely easier to acknowledge the point, and yes it sometimes it may be impossible to not go through shame, guilt, regret, but here I can stand as my own surety so that it doesn’t become a form of emotional manipulation for me to not continue seeing my responsibility in it all, but step out of that belief that I become ‘less’ in acknowledging my faults, my own judgments – and so see how it is actually only a point of self-respect and integrity that I decide to build and create as myself when deciding to acknowledge my own creation of those parts of myself that I have the power – as in being capable and able – to change them for and by myself.

A very important reminder that has assisted me quite a bit lately is the realization that what defines a person is not ‘all that they have been’ in their past, but more like how we decide to stand up from ‘the past’ that we’ve been and become. It’s only us that hold ourselves/each other as prisoners of our own past perceptions, judgments and beliefs, leading us nowhere really other than recreating the same illusions of separation that are able to be self-forgiven, taken responsibility with the purpose to change the way that we stand in our minds, the way that we ‘use’ our minds and so in turn, changing how we interact towards others.

A practical reminder for me is precisely to consider how every single thought, word and deed Is part of who I am, my creation, therefore I have to be accountable for it all, because how I face and confront those challenges – such as suddenly people finding out all about how I ‘thought’ of them – is what defines me, and so I have to remind myself that no matter how ‘awful’ some of these points might be, what defines me is who I decide to be from now on that I acknowledge that aspect/part of myself that requires a direction, that requires my responsibility to change because of seeing, real time, that it is not at all supportive to remain in my own denial of these parts of myself if I am a person that is craving or even demanding transparency in this world.

If I am ‘demanding’ transparency and integrity, the ‘truth’ out there, we have to start by creating these words, living these words within ourselves. I bet that none of us that have desired this to exist in our ‘world systems’ have considered to what extent the solution resides in the very secret corridors of our minds and all those accumulated experiences toward people around us, people that we see on our ‘screens’, people that we interact with on a regular basis either in a very personal or impersonal manner… I personally would like to see the day where we could eventually see everything of each other, because then it would be so in our face to recognize that no one can claim innocence in not having ever gossiped, fantasized or judged another; we all have done it in various degrees and the way to start getting a taste of what it would mean to live in a transparent world with integrity is by reviewing all of those judgments that we have created or fantasized about in relation to others, take responsibility for it in recognizing it as or own creation, as our own acceptance and allowance that doesn’t define ‘that other person’ or situation, but ourselves entirely.

And so the only ‘salvation’ that exists here is truly self-forgiveness, no doubt about it. How else could we give ourselves a second chance to face these very grim, dark or despicable aspects of ourselves if we didn’t give ourselves the ability to stand up from it, learn from our mistakes and ensure that we stand ‘hands clean’ from now on in order to not recreate/repeat those same patterns toward other people, but instead develop the practice of ‘placing a guard in front of our mouths and minds’ as in being more aware of what we think, say, do, fantasize or react towards another about, and make sure that we know we are defined by what we believe is ‘defining another’ that we are projecting these thoughts upon.

It is all about self-reflection and in that, we will then be able to not only actively change the way that we interact, live and create our societies, but also at the same time stop the ‘sins of the fathers’ in relation to this deception, hypocrisy, judgments, fears in relation to others, so that we can start becoming self-accountable beings that don’t require a ‘thought police’ to be punished for some ‘bad thoughts’ about others that we turn into heinous acts or crimes – we can then know exactly what we nurture or feed within ourselves, we can exactly decide who we are in every moment in relation to another and ensure that we can stand ‘at the end of time’ clear and self-corrected in relation  to those thoughts, those judgments or experiences towards ‘others’ that, ultimately, are in fact also ourselves anyways – equal and one.

This is actually a very cool subject to bring to our awareness because it is through ‘dropping the veil’ of seeing another as a ‘separate me’ that we can start realizing how much of what we believe is ‘done onto another’ is always done to oneself – abuse, is always Self-abuse. Therefore, doing this exercise, practically, can assist us in becoming more comfortable and closer to the actual truth of ourselves, which is by default not something nice, pretty and pure – we all have our aspects and parts of ourselves to change and correct. Here then, we must not see guilt, same, regret or embarrassment as the solution, nor as a ‘way out’ of actually sorting out these points in us – these reactions are but distractors if they remain a bit too long as our experience – we have to walk through our creation and take responsibility, it’s the least we can do after we’ve ‘fired those bullets’ existing as harmful thoughts and experiences ‘shot’ at others.

Once the trigger is pulled, there’s no going back. But fortunately, with what goes on in our minds, we can at least correct it, ensure we don’t act upon it or recreate it any longer and more so, ensure we don’t take such thoughts or experiences about another into an actual bullet that maims another’s life. We can remind ourselves of this every time that we believe it’s ‘easy’ to imagine stuff, to think stuff and believe it all goes ‘away with the wind’ because ‘it’s only thoughts’ but nope, it’s all here, recorded in the very physical day to day life that we walk through in this world.

So, let’s define ourselves by having the guts to acknowledge and recognize our creation, by deciding to walk through all of these judgments towards ‘others’ and claim them back as our own creation that ‘defines us’ until we decide to also change those reactions about ourselves into something that is genuinely supportive for our lives, that can stand as a building block of the self that we are willing to stand by and with for the rest of our existence.

If we want a world that is no longer ‘full of lies,’ we have to stop lying and deceiving ourselves with an image or belief of ‘being a good person’ – none of us have really been so if we have ever allowed but one single thought about another in a compromising or harmful situation. Food for self-reflection, because it’s more honorable to take a step forward and say ‘I’ve done that, that’s me’ than giving a step back and running away with an idea of ‘I’d never dare to do something like that!’ – that’s a choice right there into self-honesty or self-dishonesty, all up to us – but let’s be aware that each decision we make defines our present, who we are and by all means defines the nature of the future that we are co-creating for ourselves and generations to come.

I’d say, it’s time to stand up with courage and claim ownership of our own lies, so that we can then take responsibility and gift those parts back to ourselves as words that we want to live within and toward others in our lives.

Thanks for reading

 

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476. The Taste of Real Freedom

Or how to walk through from transient obstacles/mindfucks and delusions to a solid and grounded decision of self-creation

 

A simple reflection today on how to turn a situation of apparent conflict or stagnation into one of active involvement and participation, so that one can create a solution to such point of ‘stagnation’ and in doing so, at the same time,  discover so much of ourselves that we would have missed is possible to do, be and become if we were to hold on to seeing, perceiving, judging a situation as a ‘problem’ within us, towards others, in others or ‘out there’ and how empowering it is – for a lack of a better word  – to take matters into one’s own hands and realize that we are the only ones that create limits based on how we believe ‘things have to be’ and not daring to step outside of the box.

This can be as simple as when I finally decide to open up a point in me that I had only been dwelling upon in my mind, considering it to be ‘not that relevant’ or ‘too extensive to change’ and when deciding to take it on, open it up, write it out, expose myself to myself, I realize that this seemingly previously ‘arduous task’ or ‘difficult decision’ is but a perception that is much easier to walk through by simply doing it, instead of giving too much thinking and pondering into ‘why we should or should not do it’ – meaning, the key here is to just do it.

Then while making that decision to open up that part of ourselves, a ‘point’ in our lives that we have been dwelling upon with no resolution, we are already taking one step into self-honesty, understanding ‘how’ we have created that part of ourselves, why we have resisted it so much and push to see straight to the core: to see myself as the sole creator of that reality and experience – not blaming, not judging, no projecting unto others – but take my whole authority and so authorship upon my own life and creation.

This is a key aspect there so that I don’t’ generate distractions from seeing straight into who I am, what I have been and done and so placing myself in the position of my own creator: deciding who I will be in order to change this one point of conflict that I was procrastinating to look at.

Then the last part is when actually deciding to change, when genuinely being willing to stand up from a particular ‘stuckness’ or conflict or a problem, that’s where we clear up our starting point of supporting ourselves and deciding to make the necessary changes in ourselves to live those fine-tunings in our reality, the kind of changes that  we can direct and act upon ourselves, because this is all about self-direction and self-creation, whenever we place faith upon others or ‘the world out there’ to do the change for us, what do we know? We are missing out a key point of self-creation: it’s got to be entirely possible to be created on a day to day basis within ourselves.

A basic example here is how upon deciding to not indulge in a particular set of experiences based on memories, fantasizing about a seemingly ‘good experience’ and deciding to instead live in self-respect, to honor not only myself but also the situation or people I am integrating as part of ‘my mind fantasy’, I am able to stand in a clarity that can literally feel like a ‘weight off’ of one’s shoulders. This then creates a form of clarity, of integrity and transparency within ourselves because there is nothing else that we have to be hiding or scheming or having backchats and hidden agendas about – one gives oneself the gift of standing in absolute accountability through self-forgiveness.

Here, walking self forgiveness means that I go acknowledging my potential consequences if I would continue following and feeding such apparently ‘nice experiences’ in my mind that are actually very, very unrealistic when writing them out ‘on paper’ or on the computer, they are lacking all sorts of foundation, they are fueled for nothing else other than a desire for ‘novelty’ that when seeing it for what it is and comparing it to physical reality and the possibilities that I can create and grow in physical reality, then I can get to a point of clarity within me in what I choose to continue feeding and nurturing in my life, it becomes a ‘no brainer’ in that moment when writing something out in self-honesty and with a clear decision to stand up and correct oneself in those situations.

But, how ‘clear’ was this before I actually opened it up in detail? Mmm, dare I say ‘not much’ or more like it’s much easier to kid ourselves in our minds and only thinking that we ‘know what we are doing’ and what we are ‘feeding’ but, it’s a whole different thing to decide to write about it, uncovering all the nooks and crannies of it and having that starting point of deconstructing one’s delusions, to be honest.

So, upon walking this decision and living it out in reality, physically, testing out my resolve and point of focus, I could actually see how in a way foolish I had been to even give so much attention/energy/thoughts throughout time, in my day to day, towards something that truly is nothing else but a distraction from self-creation, with no substance other than fueling a particular ‘ideal’ or ‘desire for experience’ based on the ‘who I was’ in the past, that is not here as myself at all.

It was quite assertive to see this for myself again in my process, how the more one makes decisions to live self-honestly, the more liberating one’s reality becomes, and realizing that the whole ‘imprisonment’ in desires, fears, perceived ‘wants and needs’ are nothing else but our creation, we have literally place our own barriers and cages based on all sorts of mind delusions that we have many times – unfortunately –dare to live out, act out on them as if there was any ‘real substance’ in them, when in fact they are usually constructed and made out of energy, composed of things like fears, desires, ideals, personalities, preferences, judgments, etc.… all of them being nothing else but the flimsy transient experiences that sometimes we build and grow so much in our minds that we believe are ‘worth’ it to the point of jeopardizing solid and stable parts of our reality ‘in the name of’ an energy experience.

I’d say, dare to step out of the fear to open up those seemingly ‘uncomfortable’ aspects in yourself, those things that we actually feed quite a bit on a day to day but don’t dare to admit we do – write it out, very important! Writing it out to be read, spoken out loud along with its due self-forgiveness and lay out a resolution, who you decide to be in relation to changing that part of you – test it out from that moment on and see the results.

This doesn’t mean that ‘this point is utterly solved’ – no, many more aspects, dimensions of it might come up related to it, but this one basic resolve, awareness and understanding of one’s experience related to this ‘one part/one point’ in ourselves, is a good foundation from which to continue facing any other parts/aspects of it that may create noise in time to come. This is true freedom to me, the ability to take matters into my own hands and walk, apply the point by myself, by my own resolve, because I have created myself as my mind, I am the one that has gotten myself to where and what I am now, therefore, I can decide and stand as the building block of the ‘me’ that I am willing  to live with for the rest of my life

 

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475. Self Commitment in Relationships

Or how to walk through distractions from developing one’s relationship with oneself and another.

 

My point in this process is definitely personal relationships, that’s the ‘weakness’ or ‘weak point’ that I am now in a phase of my life that I have decided to create and stand in to strengthen myself as well as walking with my partner that is walking his own process of becoming a better person as  he has expressed it. I recognize that my relationship is assisting me in precisely learning to transcend a lot of the relationship programming that I have accumulated throughout time and from my past experiences to discover a whole aspect of myself that I hadn’t yet lived in a relationship before, because of still sticking to playing particular roles based on fears or desires within relationships.  

Giving a step of further commitment in a relationship has also been an entirely new terrain that I had placed myself to walk through once before in such consideration, but it didn’t work out as expected though I learned a lot from that one experience to prepare myself for the one I am in now. This commitment in a relationship to one person  sometimes seems outdated or plain fearful to many because one perceives that one is then locked with another for a lifetime and there’s no way around it and one has to ‘stick with it’ no matter what. But, I’ve realized how as with everything a relationship has to be devoid of expectations, beliefs, traditions, cultural ways that can also infiltrate an idea of what a relationship has to be or what a commitment is and how it is represented.

I like the perspectives that were given in a hangout about relationships being something that lasts forever and how these fellow Destonians shared perspective that enabled me to understand how a relationship is something that is assessed and evaluated as one goes living in it. It takes a lot of self honesty here because I’ve been there myself so many times wherein when I am being challenged in my own ways, and the usual thing was to react to those conflicts and  deliberately sabotaging the relationship, giving up on it and not pushing through the difficult times to take my own responsibility in the co-creation process. I’ve been there before in situations of leaving a ‘back door open’ for someone else while in a relationship and the ripple effects this creates even if perceiving oneself to be fully committed and only considering it in one’s mind – as well as acting out on those intentions as well.

This time in the relationship I am in, I’ve been challenged in many ways, to the core of myself dare I say and this is exactly what I wanted in fact, someone that could assist me to outgrow the old me in relationships, with my plethora of expectations and desires of particular ‘ways’ to live a relationship that I have slowly but surely come to redefine into something that is quite new for me and comfortable to say the least, it’s like living with another ‘me’ as in having no particular relationship towards that other person in the old-ways or approaches I had to past partners which would turn into a rollercoaster of conflicts and mixed emotions – and that’s been quite refreshing to me as well.  Here also to remind myself that I can in no way compare anything or anyone for that matter, this is always a trick of our minds to keep us ‘captive’ in ghosts of the past, instead of focusing on what’s here, very much physical and alive to live.

However here a point I walked for myself as a very personal aspect in my writings is ensuring that I am not keeping a ‘door open’ or ‘see possibilities’ outside of my current relationship and reality. Here it is realizing what it means to feed or give one’s time and breath to think about ‘what ifs’ or potential other experiences in relationships, it is about realizing that I am committing to myself, to for the first time fully stick to my principles of self-honesty and the agreement that I have with myself and so with another to stand clear in a relationship without hidden agendas or intentions to ‘keep other possibilities in mind’ or ‘available’ in our lives, not even in a thought-manner.

This is one of those parts of myself that  I have ‘minimized’ or seen as insignificant, thinking I can deal with it completely, that it’s under control – but, oh reality challenges oneself in the most awesome ways really where I have had to stand very clear in a form of self-discipline with regards to my relationship and work out a lot this point within myself when it comes to this self-agreement and the relationship that I’ve formed where I know firsthand the kind of ripples as in frictions, conflicts, distancing that happens whenever one entertains any thought about ‘other people’ or ‘what ifs’ as ‘potentials’ or ideas related to past partners or how it ‘could be/could have been’ to be in a relationship with this/that person . This point emerged as I was reading Kristina’s blog yesterday and considered how I have been precisely looking at this, how it is a form of the ‘revenge of the ego’ where we can be in a very settled, supportive and grounded relationship, yet how easily we can fuck it up by entertaining memories, ideas and experiences of who I was in the past in relationships that eventually come up as suppressed desires in dreams that I then have to face and recognize them as aspects/parts of myself that I have to make a clear decision to stop feeding within myself.

I see this point representing a perceived ‘lack’ or ‘desire to live the past’ which in my case, it was not at all a ‘good and supportive experience’ for the most part – but at the same time, I also have been looking recently at recognizing what can I take of each person that was part of my life in a relationship and integrate those aspects as part of myself too – as well as in recognizing which aspects of myself I developed, discovered or grew as my expression while being in those relationships in the past   while at the same time reminding me of all the conflicts and problems that I faced with each one and that I have been able to learn from in order to face experiences and conflicts that emerge in a relationship with another, which to my surprise in my current relationship has been quite different altogether from my previous experiences and I can only thank this Desteni process for it, specifically the Agreements/relationships course where I learned what it is to stand in self-agreement and see a relationship as an addition of 1+1 complete people walking together in support of each one’s living and working to become the better versions of ourselves.

My point of self-honesty to develop and work on in this case is precisely within the who I am in what I entertain or give space/breaths within my every day living when it comes to memories or ‘what ifs’ based on – once again – memories, ideas, beliefs, perceptions that can lead oneself to believe ‘one is missing out’ on something/someone or how ‘better’ things could have been in this/that situation with this or that person – these thoughts if entertained in the form of possibilities or memories, it actually becomes a weight upon oneself, where one creates a stagnation in one’s day to day flow by focusing on something as an idea or experience that is only in our minds – while missing out the reality that is very much here to keep focusing on nurturing, growing, expanding and creating to see who I can be and become when walking in  loyalty, honor and respect towards myself when it comes to what I accept and allow to exist within me in relation to my relationship with another, honoring it and ensuring that I am living in a way that I can be at the end of times and stand with myself, my decisions and essentially be able to live with myself, because I’ve been in situations before where it becomes a personal hell to try and shove aside situations of self-dishonesty in relationships and not face them or admit them to myself.

Here then I commit myself to continue developing – for the very first time – a stance of full commitment to my relationship in thought, word and deed, so that whatever time and focus I create in the realm of relationships, I focus on my potential and ‘sculpture to keep working on’ as the relationship and commitment I am in, reminding myself of how many times I have allowed a simple desire for an experience to derail me from a path of integrity and honesty with myself and another – therefore this is what I will be focusing on to strengthening within me, which actually appeals quite a lot to correcting a very sneaky and repetitive pattern throughout my life that I have had a hard time to admit to myself exists in me.

Being loyal to myself is not only being loyal ‘towards my partner’ but being loyal to my commitment, to my integrity, to what I have decided from the beginning I would live in relation to this other human being I am walking with, in an agreement that we made towards one another and that I want to make sure I honor and live to the T in my life as the new me that I am creating for myself, no longer conditioned/condemned to repeat the past, but stick to a better version of me in this part of my life.

Here a reminder for myself how something that I considered was initially insignificant and kept aside from writing about it became a gift, a reminder of what I commit myself to and expand myself to in relation to relationships in general in my life, to not give ‘into’ a fleeting experience that is unsubstantial, and stick to the reality, the physicality of what’s here for me as a stone to continue to sculpt into self-perfection : ) hands on matter

Thanks for reading.

 two heads

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


467. Stepping Out of the Zone

Or how to redirect oneself into self-creation when being more quiet and stable within oneself.

A common experience that emerges within oneself after some time as in several years of being ‘processing’ one’s mind and upon working with the basics of understanding one’s emotions and feelings, understanding one’s reactions and how to practically work with them, one gets to a phase which I’ve defined as a ‘zero point’ or ‘dead point’ because it is that moment where one can noticeably be more stable, more quiet, not so many voices in the head or being more at ease within oneself to a point where we get to apparently feel a form of loss or death within us, and the interesting thing is that it’s not like we are in fact becoming more robotic or ‘dead’ inside ourselves, but the other way around.

This experience which is in fact a lack of energetic stimulation/not participating as much in our minds which we may experience as a loss or ‘missing’ something in our lives can be understood in two ways:

1.      We have defined ourselves so much according to energy as emotions, feelings, constant inner conflict and inner movements that we had equated those experiences as ‘being living/being alive’ where we had always accepted and allowed our self-definition to be equated to an energetic experience inside us, moving us, being the ‘driving force’ for us to do something. An example is where one gets to discover within this process of self-awareness that even our great plans and projects in our lives could have been in fact motivated by a form of self-interest, a fear such as an inferiority seeking a superiority, a way to ‘demonstrate’ to others one is capable of something and trumping others and calling this ‘one’s motivation to succeed’.

I found that a lot of what I did and moved myself with was in fact that of ego, of self-interest, of seeking an energetic experience and so, that was part of what I had to willingly stop doing and feeding in my life – and yes it felt like quitting a drug of sorts of course, but that’s what I knew I had to do in order to be the real me that is here, just physically here which practically means saying ‘no’ to all kinds of ‘temptations’ if you will for me to ‘go back’ into the old ways, to just participate into this or that ‘a little’ and it’s no different to craving a drug or sugar if you’re addicted to either, it seems like one just can’t hold it, but through continuous practice in one’s resolve and discipline, it is possible to ‘starve’ that experience and let it go.

 

 I’ve found that upon then being more stable, calm and quiet within myself, self-motivation and self-movement is are one of those seemingly challenging points because one won’t ‘feel’ like doing anything, but one can move, can direct and get to do things, regardless of ‘getting anything out of it’ as an energetic experience, but simply doing it based on a common sensical decision to create, to support oneself, to get to attend our basic responsibilities, to expand, to grow, to develop ourselves further and this is where one can easily fall into the idea that ‘nothing is opening up for us’/ nothing is moving, nothing is happening – because we are no longer motivating ourselves through energy, within constant friction and conflict seeking a ‘way out’ and we are no longer having these high and lows that we had defined as ‘who we are’ – but it will in fact be a more quiet process that in comparison to the previous ‘hectic and energetic self’ might seem indeed like an internal death experience, but it’s not.

 

This phase and experience of ‘not having much going on inside oneself’ and inside one’s head can even be felt in some as a form of depression, which surely just as ‘regular depression’ it happens when we are sinking into nothingness, finding comfort in doing nothing else but self-pitying ourselves and focusing on fueling emotional turmoil inside. In this phase and process I’m talking about, it might feel like ‘nothing moves, nothing makes us ‘feel’ any longer, so what’s the point?’ and that’s how if one does not in fact direct oneself to create oneself and fill that space there, one can go back to ‘the old self’ as in seeking for stimulations as energy fixes of any kind that we had become used to and apparently ‘feel alive’ again.

 

This is what happens when one ‘falls’ into a pattern again that one had self-forgiven and worked on before. It just means we didn’t sufficiently stand in our decision and resolve to stop a particular habit or pattern in our minds and so in our doings, it means that we allowed our addiction of any kind to ‘kick in’ as a mind- back up to keep ourselves ensnared in our minds, going into the old patterns because ‘it feels familiar, it feels like the good old me again’ and before we know it we’re back to base 1 of transcending/walking through a particular experience, habit or addiction for that matter, and we have to start the whole process of standing up from those experiences again, and as many times as required to get it.

 

So here it means that one has to actually get used to this seemingly and apparently ‘slow pace’ of living, which is an actual physical pace, not a ‘mind pace’ where everything goes super fast and can be insta-created as we wish and like and so forth – one has to let go of all of those bits that seem to be like ‘mind hooks’ coming up in our minds, wanting to go here/do that/think this/imagine that in order to ‘keep the mind alive’ so to speak, that’s exactly where we have constantly decide to starve those desires and false needs because really, we don’t need these experiences to be ‘alive’ at all, au contraire, they represent obstacles, detours that take us back to square one and not really move forward.

 

That’s also where one’s understanding of what is to be self-honest comes handy, because that is a constant guideline to know how do we decide to spend our time of the day, how do we decide to live every moment, what do we decide to invest our space and time on – and this is there where the point 2 comes in.

 

2.      This ‘deadness’ or ‘emptiness’ or ‘lack’ experienced is in fact an indication that we are at our blank-slate point or square one of self-creation. What happens when we stop particular habits or patterns is that we stop giving space, energy and time to that which used to ‘occupy ourselves’ in our minds, something that would most likely not be constructive but time-consuming, destructive, keeping us in fears, anxieties, feeling unsatisfied, wanting to do/consume something all the time to ‘feel something’ but, that desire right there once that it is settled and kept ‘at bay’ with one’s resolve and perseverance, what is left is in fact a space, a void that needs to now be reprogramed, re-wired, a part of us that now has to be self-filled with something like a living word, a new set of actions, a new plan to see where and how do we want to expand and explore ourselves into.

And this is where according to one’s environment, capacity, time, financial stability and a variety of other factors we can decide how to best redirect our time, effort and attention to self-creation in a way that is now supportive, in a way that we know we are supporting ourselves to become the versions of us that does not require to exist in constant stress, fear or conflict to be motivated to do something, that does not require to have a constant ‘competition’ in mind to decide to be better every day, that can decide to no longer be defined by particular likes, preferences or types of personality that could refrain ourselves from doing something that is ‘out of our programming’ so to speak, and see/test who we are within it and not fear the change.

 

This is then the phase we constantly are in whenever we go more effectively stopping ourselves from diving into a mind experience, and then there’s that opportunity to expand further or remain ‘on the nothingness-same spot’ – none of these two options is better or worse, it’s simply about where one is at one’s process and in one’s self-honesty. But in my case, whenever I remain into ‘not moving myself’ in those moments, it becomes like being stopping for far too long on a traffic light and knowing that there’s a green light again, an opportunity to step on the road and redirect myself but I don’t do it, and that’s what can lead myself back to similar patterns of the past like depression, feeling lethargic or apathetic or ‘seeing no point’ in anything because one has now created space in oneself to redirect, to create, to grow, to develop new ways and ideas, to make decisions on how to invest our time of the day on – and if this is not done, then we might go back to seeking to ‘feel’ something because we haven’t actually taken self-responsibility to create ourselves, to direct ourselves.

 

And this is also a very personal phase of self-creation because we are so used to having something/someone ‘telling us what to do’ or ‘what to create’ or ‘where to put our attention on’ or ‘what we have to complete now’ – we’ve done that all the time from when we were very young in our parents’ house and then on the education system, then at work, in society and we’ve been so used to always ‘following’ and having someone else ‘leading us’ – which makes it truly ‘awkward’ in this new phase because: we have to decide and give direction to ourselves, we have to test new things ourselves, we have to decide how far or how near we decide to take ourselves to in doing/living something, which directions to take.

 

For that, we can only have our self-trust, knowing that no matter ‘what’ we decide to do with ourselves, we always have the tools of self-support like writing, applying self-forgiveness, developing self introspection and self-honesty to then create solutions, create ways through in moments where difficulties emerge, where plans fail and we have to find a new route – this is a certainty that we can create within us because of having proven to ourselves that it is possible to stop being ‘guided by the mind’ and that we now can stand in the path of self-creation and test, find, be creative and know that we can always find a way through in it.

 

It’s also very much the realization of self-creation, of being god onto ourselves and understanding that there is nothing or no one that can decide this for us, we have to do it and so acknowledge the responsibility and results/consequences that may unfold from our decisions, for ourselves and for everyone else that is here in this world as well.

 

All of this might sound too much or ‘scary’ for some, but it’s actually the most empowering position one can stand on, and one that is enjoyable if one decides to make it so – again, it’s very much up to each one to decide who I want to be and who do I decide to be in this phase of creating the better version of myself that I can work for myself and that I can, at the same time, gift to others in this world/in my life to.

 

Sounds good isn’t it? It’s a constant redirection, because ‘temptations’ will always come in whichever form we have programmed ourselves to, each one of us knows exactly what those ‘weaknesses’ are that we have to develop into a strengths, simply making a decision that we know where such experience leads us – therefore, there’s always a moment to detour and take another way, one that is honorable, that is of self-honesty and that in the long run – no matter how ‘hard’ or ‘challenging’ it may seem at first to step into self-change – we know that it is the better way, it is the commendable way, it is the way that we will lead ourselves to get to a spot in our lives where we can ‘bear ourselves’ and embrace ourselves completely – no regrets, no guilt, no remorse, no ‘what if’s or ‘should have’s’ because this way means assessing what is it that we really want to use our life-time and space on and for.

 

All that is left from this then is a reminder for myself whenever feeling like ‘giving up’ or seeing things as ‘pointless’ or ‘nothing is happening’ or ‘feeling too empty’ and going into a general ‘low experience’ what do I know? I require to set myself a direction, to give myself a direction and at the same time expand to something a bit different than before so as to no create also a constant-comfort zone where there is no real expansion in it, but just keeping oneself constantly occupied on the same. That’s the challenge I have for myself and will look into this as I decide precisely, upon having this ‘blank slate’ where would I like to develop myself more, what would I like to expand my interests on, where can I expand my support on, what can I create?

 

The options are many, we can make a decision of what we do, where we do it, with whom or alone and make sure that whatever we create, we take responsibility for it at the same time.

 

So, time to step out of the ‘dead-nothingness-zone’ and give that step into self-creation.

 

Recommended: From Created to Creator – Reptilians – Part 306

 

DSC01901

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


466.Comfort in Communication

Or the experiences after getting rid of judgments, fears and expectations when communicating with others.

I’d like to share about how things can go when communicating with other people and having no expectations, secret agendas and judgments within oneself before, during and after doing so.

I’ve noticed for some time now how supportive it was for me to have the series of hangouts for the Living Income channel where I would set up meetings with people from around the globe to discuss with them for around 40 minutes a set of questions or topics I had prepared for them – of course them being experts or well acquainted with the topic or representing it – and it was a general great process for me – and sometimes them as well – to get past the ‘stage fright’ phase that these meetings would create in me and some of them that shared about it at the same time, where week after week it became easier every time to just connect into the hangout and suddenly be face to face with a person that I had never spoken before to in my life – most of the times – and still I was able to develop comfort in speaking with them, from greeting to getting to set the details of our conversation and during the after-hangout feedback time– all of it became easier and easier over time with practice.

Was it ‘easy’ from the get go? Nope, I mean sure nervousness existed whenever I was over-thinking and over-diving into judgments/ideas I had, for example, toward a particular person and how knowledgeable they were or how important their role is in something, or whenever I felt not so ‘grounded’ in my awareness of the topics to be discussed, but it definitely assisted me a lot to listen to the series of recordings for self-support explaining Nervousness and what it means within the context of giving public talks for example or the kind of communication I was doing for some time for the hangouts. There I learned to rather prepare well and then simply ‘doing it’, trusting myself which is easily said but it is more a process of practicing a lot, repeating the same a lot.

I noticed that the less I participated in ‘thinking too much’ beforehand about the communication in terms of judgments based on ‘values’ of being not good enough or not knowledgeable enough, or even language barrier or any sort of projected experience I’d create upon them or how they ‘seem to be’ – the less I would get an experience about it and instead I made it a point to simply face things ‘in the moment’ and not create any expectations around it, because that’s what I saw was creating the unsettling nervousness within me.

At the same time I got to practice that ability to relate to any person, no matter what their age, culture, personality was or even beliefs at times, I was able to get to a point of comfortable exchange wherein I was quite grateful for them spending some time with me in one of their rest-days – Sundays – and being willing to share their perspectives, insights or expertise on something. That way I came to genuinely develop a hope for humanity again in a way, because each one of them represented a part of me as humanity that is standing up for solutions, that is building, creating or spending their time to create something that is of benefit, of mutual benefit in one way or another to change things in our world.

But it definitely also became something beyond ‘what they do’ and I mostly enjoyed getting to know ‘strangers’ in a way that I could resonate with and have similar or the same principles as I do for the most part, based on what they work on or dedicate their free time to. And this was mostly like communicating to who they are as a being that is dedicating themselves to better themselves and others in one way or another in their reality. This was quite supportive and inspirational to me.

However, some might think: well, of course they are inspirational! You would pick them based on the topics and aspects you were interested to learn more about from them, stuff that is already geared to better life in this world! And that is right to an extent which is why the next steps of challenge has been to be able to apply this same approach with any/other kinds of people no matter what ‘background’ they have and develop such comfort in communication, in asking questions to them even if they were very personal in nature upon meeting them for 2-3 minutes as it’s happened some times, lol. How do I get to do this?

The ‘secret’ is based on giving as I’d like to receive and this is not an exchange of sorts at the beginning really, but it all has to do with the disposition I have in the moment I am in the presence of another human being that I am about to interact with even if for a few minutes only. And no, this is not only playing kindness to receive kindness in a convenient-system manner, but an actual recognition of another ‘me,’ another actual life form whom I have in fact SO much in common with even if we can be ‘worlds apart’ – apparently – when we allow ourselves to be defined by personalities, cultures, ages, education, money and the rest of ways in which we have unfortunately learned to segregate ourselves with. From kids to older people, from foreigners to extended family members, the application is the same: to share myself, to give my presence even if with ‘few words’ to in a way embody that acknowledgment of another ‘me’, and so talk to them, address them and develop an interaction that represents the way that I am with myself when being comfortable and even enjoying myself with just ‘being finally me’ which is probably easy to say really, but it’s been years and years of deconstructing my own layers of self-judgment and judgment I’d constantly hold toward others that only recently can I see has been ‘outgrown’ in me to an extent and so I have yes kind of ‘matured’ in a sense, lol, but not as I would have expected. I am in fact a lot more expressive, even playful at times if the opportunity develops to that extent.

Here in the past I had mistaken seriousness as in having a ‘stark expression’ with strangers as a way to kind of create a space for myself, out of fear really, to test the waters, to go cautiously and in doing so believing I was in control of something, when in fact, it was all based on fears that I’ve been deconstructing and letting go of – which translates in what I can describe as being more ‘here’ in the moment, no ‘script’ planned, but just trust myself that I am able to communicate with others and establish my self-comfort in it and share myself as it, no matter which situation I am in – although of course I mean there’s places and time for everything, let’s say doing this in common sense.

It is very much something I could link to the expression of a child and I had mostly been like that from early times in my life where I went on learning more ‘politesse’ ways from my parents and curbing the amount of ‘excitement’ I should show at times or not revealing too many ‘details’ about something etc. lol, I many times challenged that regardless but as I became an a-dull-t, I did become more quiet in certain situation and not being able to fully ‘be me’ because of loading all of those judgments, fears and expectations in me and so projected them toward others in the kind of thoughts like ‘oh what are they going to think about me’ which I can honestly say it is hardly something that comes up in me these days.

So how are things now in relation to this? Keeping practicing is one way, but what matters most is developing each time that ability to stand clear within me, which means having no expectations, no fears, no judgments prior, through and after a communication with others. I probably still have to keep working on the ‘after-math’ because I’ve noticed how sometimes I ponder if what I said was ‘too much’ or could have said this instead better, or approaching it that other way etc., not so much focusing on ‘how they see me’ but how I could have done things better – like after-communication backchat, which is not necessary to do in fear or judgment, but can be a constructive self-reflection about the points in terms of achieving the intent of a communication in practical manners – and if it’s merely social, then no need to judge it at all and let go of it, keep focusing on the ‘here’ and present moment and instead creating further opportunities to expand or fine tune aspects I saw I missed in the previous interaction.

I can say I am more open and comfortable in communication, embracing a bit of a child-like stance in the sense that I can speak in consideration of the situation, moment, people etc. and share stuff, ask questions, act and express myself without having internal noise about it, except when I fixate too much on another’s expression which actually only happens the most with my partner who is still a bit of a challenge for me to not dive into perceptions or projections of what I believe he is communicating with his expression – I’ve been proven several times to be actually Assuming a lot – so, in that way I still have to fine tune my ability to not attempt to ‘read’ into someone and pretend I know what they are trying to say or are experiencing, but keep it very real, physical and word-based which means, asking directly instead, getting the words through from someone instead of me jumping into assumptions or conclusions.

There’s one character in a movie that I could sort of many times relate to in a very fun manner, that’s Mozart’s character in the movie Amadeus where I many times felt like that ‘naïve’ type of personality in a grown ups world and lol, I still kind of do at times and of course not to that extent of kind of being clownish all the time or in a way to suppress other stuff either, but I’ve decided to make it a point to not opaque that spark that is in me that is very much ‘here’ and unconditional as an expression of myself, one that is not premeditated or ‘thought about’ or controlled, it’s just something that emerges the moment that I decide to stand clear, express without hidden agendas or wanting to control something or some outcome out of fears or judgments etc.… I leave all of that out of my moment and then what is here is just here, me expressing, continuing being inquisitive and not being afraid to ask questions – is up to each person to answer or not – because I enjoy getting to know people as well and kind of challenging myself every time to see that I can always find that ‘me’ in others, just by the fact that we are beings living in the same world, there’s always something ‘in common’ and that is what I kind of have integrated as my principle and starting point to not be afraid to talk to someone or address them or express myself with because, doesn’t matter how ‘little’ I can know you, I know we have a ton in common already , and that’s a great way to create comfort, familiarity if you will with basic aspects that we can all understand by the fact of being human beings.

At the same time sure, I know there’s many kinds of people I haven’t ever had the chance to talk to yet, but I’ve gotten to know several kinds of them through documentaries or through the internet as well and you can test this for yourself, there’s always going to be this ‘something’ that one can spot as the uniting factor. And that is all that I require in order to have something to communicate about which means this is a way to embrace others as myself, no matter how ‘short’ or ‘long’ term the interaction is, I definitely am practicing to make each one of those interactions a moment where I can learn something of myself, of others, of ‘something’ about this world and it becomes an enjoyable experience for me and even cooler if it becomes so for another too.

How did this topic opened up? I just had a chat with a guy that is my partner’s friend and I have gotten to know some details about his life but it was quite refreshing to meet over Skype and this time have no ‘topic’ secured – as with hangouts – to discuss about, but it was an open space for anything and all which was cool because then I applied the same point, just being ‘here’ in the moment, sharing, asking questions, being just here, sharing, comfortable, laughing, expressing – yeah also going through that point of seeing how there’s some sharings that can make the other uncomfortable, lol – but still be able to laugh about it and expand onto other subjects.

I’m in general appreciating the existence of these moments where we can connect even if living very far away, having ‘little in common’ apparently – lol – which is a fallacy really, we all have everything in common and we can always connect with one another if we so decide to do, and this is exactly what I wanted to share today, that it’s entirely up to us to be open, to be vulnerable, to embrace others in our daily interactions, to share ourselves, to give them the expression of ourselves that is most ‘pure’ in the sense of it not being contaminated with fears, judgments, expectations, desires or whatever else we can concoct in our minds, but be more like children are, innocent, in the moment, yet of course developing depth and substance in what we share at the same time with others, which in my case, my intent is to always have a background of support in any communication, of genuinely wanting to say ‘touch’ another person for a lack of better word because it’s not a ‘connection’ of sorts, but more like creating a realization of I am here, I see you, I hear you, I acknowledge you, you are part of what’s here which is all of us as life in equality, therefore, I embrace you as a part of me, let’s express.

That’s quite the way to go in developing relationships of any kind really, no matter how small or menial they can be in our everyday lives but, my take is that with this practical approach – that in fact it is more like an outflow of a lot of self-work at the same time – is the way to change our day to day interactions and so the ‘fabric of our societies’ and so of our world – and all that it takes is each, one by one, committing to develop this kind of expressions in ourselves, for ourselves first which in turn, whenever we share and are in the presence of others creates a possibility to share and nurture a moment, a situation and making of it something more substantial, more ‘living’ for a lack of a better word and this right here is an option that we all have access to cultivate in our day to day living.

All of this has been made possible for me, through myself but with the invaluable support of all the Desteni material and the Desteni I Process, which is truly a life-long set of tools that ‘arm’ you quite well to be able to not only recreate our lives but also be able to uncover our individual expressions that exist as a potential in all of us to develop and expand ourselves from.

Thanks for reading

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :

amadeus mozart


464.Changing My World View

Or how I stopped feeding a back door/way out or ‘quick fix’ belief in my reality

 

A continuation on:

454. Embracing Living Potentials

 

There’s something interesting that I’ve noticed not only in myself but through and walking with various individuals I also have the opportunity to assist and support, and that is how much of our own way of looking at thing in our reality, our lives changes as we go walking through our minds which means, understanding ourselves better, getting to know the nooks and crannies of ourselves in terms of how we think, why we experience ourselves in a certain manner in certain situations, what motivates us, what we have accepted and allowed ourselves to fear, to desire, to procrastinate, to hold on to in various ways… it can be endless to get to know us to the T in all aspects. However the more that I’ve gotten to do this and worked through with myself not only to understand me, but to also directly work on changing these aspects, what tends to change as well is the way that we see the world, see our lives and so the way that we experience ourselves in it all.

I can identify with many people I work with where our minds usually tended to look for the pessimistic, fatalist and all-destructive outcomes as a sort of a desired outcome for humanity, believing that it’s the way to do justice to the Earth and Life and all other sentient beings that are not humans. However as much as this could be an acceptable idea, I also had to acknowledge and recognize the fact that a part of me actually was giving up on myself and on everyone else’s potential to change, which translates the whole point of ‘wanting an Armageddon or ultimate self-destruction’ in wanting the ‘easy way out’ while believing this is only fair to Life, that it’s fair to the animals, that it’s fair to nature etc.

Well, once that I understood my own desire to ‘run away’ from reality and justifying it within these seemingly irrefutable facts above, I stopped advocating such ideas in my head and it wasn’t something easy to stop identifying myself with, because as long as I held to my reasons, justifications and blame toward all of us humans for creating the world system ‘as is’ and causing so much destruction and suffering towards what’s here, I was focusing only on the idea of doing what seems right or fair as a form of vendetta that life could take on us, and me accepting it in a form of apparent martyrdom, lol – but more and more I started realizing that I in fact liked to entertain those thoughts of imminent destructions because in reality, I wanted an easy way out of our responsibility that we all hold and have to what is here as our creation, which is this whole world as is.

How do I see that I’ve been slowly but surely changing this approach is based on how I interact with reality. A daily example is how I watch or read news everyday as I’ve shared before in blogs, and how I continually work on not allowing information ‘get a hold of me’ and so driving myself to feed again that self-destructive or ‘end of the world’ type of desire, which became even a sort of experience at an energetic level where a part of me would be really wishing everything to just go wrong and end ‘asap’.

Here what happens when not entertaining those ‘easy way out through destruction’ thoughts any longer and making peace with the realization that: we are not going anywhere, we are here to build the solutions from the ground up, bit by bit, no matter how ‘long’ or how ‘hard’ it may seem, there is like a point of ‘making peace’ with who I am, with what is here as our reality, with what we’ve become as human beings and so instead of continually being existing in friction and conflict towards ‘us’ as the creators of what is here, ‘building my case’ to kind of ‘prove to life’ that ‘we are not worthy as human beings, that we should be eradicated from the face of the earth ASAP’, I have been instead focusing more on seeing where I can start, where do we have to start as human beings to build sustainable solutions from the ground up, and this starts at a very individual level really, which is why I and many others are focusing on this level of self-awareness and so self-creation along with others to understand how is it that as we all go changing one by one, long lasting external changes will invariably also be created as a result of this individual self-change.

With this I am implying how my way of looking at things changed from destruction to creation. I am more grounded and realistic, more ‘here’ in the sense of embracing and accepting what is existent as ourselves, as this world – not to leave it ‘as is’ of course, but to simply stop continually fighting it in a silent yet continuous mode and I can definitely say that this continuous inner fight projected on the ‘outside’ leads nowhere other than procrastinating the real process of self-change that we can start by and with ourselves first. In short, I stopped ‘blaming’ and instead focused more on starting with changing this very aspect of ‘blaming’ and projecting my own experiences onto ‘the world out there’ – self responsibility first of all.

I find it somehow easier to see reality for what it is, to go stopping the judgments that I would usually entertain and feed within the idea of still building a case as to why we are just ‘lost’ and ‘without a remedy therefore we should just cease to exist’, seeing ourselves – human beings – as a cosmic joke, a mistake that should have never been and it is this kind of experiences of disgust, misanthropy in a way and a deep desire to just ‘end it all’ that would continually cloud my view of reality even in subtle yet ever present ways that would be creating this noise for me to not be able to see the potential in me and so in others in a full and crystal clear manner, because there were these constant back doors within me as seemingly ‘hidden desires’ for a ‘quick fix’ really, a way to just ‘end it all’ and not have to face the actual process of learning to recognize and take responsibility for our creation, to understand what is it that we’ve exactly accepted and allowed and so be willing to self forgive, let go of that past and do the work to actually change ourselves to something that we can live with and stand by for the rest of our existence.

Here it’s clear for me to see that one can have the greatest understanding of things and be agreeing with principles and ideas that represent a better outcome for all life, but I saw myself how as long as I held on to these ‘backdoors’ as ‘way outs’ that I still held as something that ‘makes sense’ that is ‘justifiable’ and is an ‘acceptable’ thing to exist within me, I would still eventually exert those beliefs as experiences and judgments that I would project onto ‘humanity’ out there. It’s interesting because I didn’t create a particular ‘personal fight’ against a particular faction of human beings, but all of them/us ‘en masse’ and so whenever doing that exercise where one can bring up the first word that comes to mind when holding in our minds an image of humanity, all that came up in me was an experience I can encompass as disdain, despair, disappointment, disgust, things that represented that part of myself that was not yet seeing the potential that each one of us hold within ourselves, which is of course yet to be developed.

So, upon walking those judgments that would turn into experiences that I would project towards ‘humanity’, I realized how I was only doing what most of us human beings do: blame, being lame in seeing others as ‘the problem’ for what we are experiencing, which as much as I could have reasons and validations for this experience with me based on the, yes, obvious destruction and enslavement we’ve imposed to all life, I had to also realize that there is really no point in blaming as that only keeps me locked into this fatalist experience, seeing no potentials in other beings – therefore within myself – and at the same time, it becomes a comfort zone to not actually change me, challenge me, my views because I believe that ‘I am right, I am making a point with those desires!’ – but that righteousness is precisely what easily blinds us from understanding where we are in fact still reacting, still blaming  – even in very subtle ways – like in the form of ‘doing justice’ or ‘doing what’s right’ yet still holding such experience within me that came from a starting point of giving up, of not wanting to do the actual work and dedication it will take to sort anything out in this world, starting with ourselves.

Therefore, I find it very relevant to check every time that I see myself getting again into that ‘despondent’ experience within me, where I start again building my ‘web’ or my case for seeing ‘no way out’ for us as human beings, which can be as easily as going into the streets and making a mind-decision to focus more on all the things that are wrong, that are consequential, that are creating problems, all the interactions between people that seem problematic and emotional, all the poverty, all the disregard for one another and go building my case as to why it is futile to stand up for any change because ‘look at humanity! It’s impossible!’ Really?

I’ll dare to say nope, it’s not – because I am living this change myself and I am walking it in a very real time process with people in my life that many others could have probably given up on long ago, which is still a process to walk but every day It assists me in seeing what is possible in real time change, only requiring a directive decision and awareness by each one of us to do so, and it’s quite marvelous and I can say for the first time this is not only me doing it in my own life, but also seeing it first hand in the lives of many that I also have the fortune to be walking with in this process and assisting directly as well in their personal Desteni I Process courses.

So whenever I get to feel ‘despondent’ towards the things out there in the world, whenever I get to feel that way in ‘rough times’ I can now use yesterday’s word and remind myself of Hope as an indication that my experience is letting me know there are new ways to explore to create solutions, there is a need to check within myself where is it that I am giving up and so how can I practically create ways through and solutions to the situation I am in or that I can contribute to in the lives of others.

I can therefore openly say that we are the hope for humanity, for real, because we are actively working individually and together in many parts around the world to start one by one creating and sticking to living this self-change that for many that have come and gone, seemed impossible. I definitely can understand all the reasons of why some decided to not follow through with it, I can understand every weakness that leads oneself to make such decisions because in one way or another, I’ve faced those myself in many ways including intense manners as well. But I am also glad to say that those were supportive challenges for me to continually re-affirm my vow to my life and the life in everything/us all – they have been parts of what I can call ‘the eye of the needle’ tests that I’m sure I’ll have to keep on walking through because this is only what is common sensical to do if we are to stand as individuals that can truly stand one and equal to life in all ways, I would not allow half-ways or dubious selves to be part of it.

This is then a realization and sharing of one of  my most tricky, yet ever present, obstacles that I have been able to ‘crackdown’ within myself in the past few months, and it’s quite a lol as well because it’s that which I had become or ‘lived’ within myself to such an extent that I was not even questioning such ‘nature’ in me as this character or set of patterns that saw ‘no way out’ but still found it important to stick to walking this process, while I was still holding on to a part of my easy-way-out ego that preferred to not see potential so as to not have to do the actual work to unearth it, ‘carve it out’, sculpt it and polish it so to speak, which means to actually develop and create something. In essence, diminishing myself in the belief that I could not ‘keep up with’ or be able to stick through the actual process to do this, but here I am going to challenge and prove that self-belief wrong by doing this for real.

This year is coming to an end and as much as it is funny to see people in social media ‘hating’ 2016, I more like understand where that sentiment is coming from, and as much as I could have joined that same charade in older times, I stand corrected with gratefulness for all the various challenges and changes and definitive decisions I took on this year which were quite a few, all of them having their ‘2 cents’ forcing me to look at deeper within me in order to process stuff, to change, which is great I mean, how else could I have gotten to that if it wasn’t for these challenges in our reality?

So, one thing is certain and that is how I definitely don’t see the world as I used to at the beginning of this year, I am committing myself to keep developing that focus on potential, on what is possible, on what can be worked on, carved out, sculpted and polish in each one of us and it’s truly gratifying to do this, I cannot be more grateful than being able to have the trust and confidence of other people walking this process directly with me as assisting them in walking through this same process in a parallel mode with myself, which is definitely not only a ‘one way’ form of support, it’s absolutely mutual as well. I definitely would like us all human beings to be able to do this for each other, to create relationships of support, care, nurturing each other’s lives and having that starting point of being there for each other, genuinely care to contribute in someone’s life to be better in whichever way we can, that’s what to me life is about, at least my current definition of course, but has certainly become one of my living purposes without a doubt.

Looking back to ‘check ourselves’ is cool and to keep a note on all the points yet to be worked on in the following year.

Thanks for reading aaand

Please give yourself some time to hear this awesome episode of Desteni Radio that definitely inspired and evoked this reflection within me today:

 

Desteni Radio # 10 – Joe Goes Mad Part 2: There is no Quick Fix

 

and a great quote from it:

 

Joe

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


463. Redefining Hope

Or how to practically live a word that usually only means an expectation, a desire, an intent

 

I’ve challenged a fellow Destonian, Tormod, to redefine the word hope, but whenever I see within myself and I realize that I also have some redefinition to do around that word then it means: I have take my own suggestion for myself as well.

I also consider it’s timely since this year is ending, and usually what we tend to wish for one another in general is ‘hoping for better times’ in the year to come as in waiting for things to get better, to have ‘the good times/future on our side’, to be fortunate, to have all the best and no more of all ‘the bad/negative’ stuff, which is also an interesting premise first to look at in terms of how hope is usually said when things are not so well, things are going wrong or bad or not having the expected results.

I had shared before how supportive it was for me to in essence adopt the words ‘Kill all hope’ as a means to let go of that usual notion of hope as this word that almost evokes this whimsical experience where one can almost envision these ‘winds of change’ coming through from somewhere, somehow, almost with this ‘magical halo’ as if something/someone will come and fix our problems, will come and save us, sort something out for us, expecting something to get better by itself, “we’ll have better luck in coming times!” the future looking like this promising illusion that is nowhere to be found ‘here’, meaning, we are precisely just staring toward the upper right space above our heads, staring at a nothingness and imagining, fantasizing, wishing and so ‘hoping’ for good things to come our way.

So what do the words ‘killing all hope’ meant to me as a starting point to precisely correct myself in my experience that I just described above and so get back to ‘here’ to my physical reality and myself? Quite simple: stopping waiting, stopping fantasizing or weaving an illusion in our heads that we project and web into the future, someday, somehow…. Out there! So I questioned, who am I existing as within this hope? And I found that I am inaction, I am disempowerment, I am fears, I am sunk in inertia, I am depression, I am positively-thinking and fantasizing only, I am abdicating my responsibility for my self-creation to god knows what or who to do something out there for me.

Upon seeing that, I realized that surely I had to let go of all hope and so instead gear myself to not ‘wait’ but act, move, direct, create, plan and walk the first steps to achieve something, to do that something I was merely existing in ‘waiting-mode’ for. So this is more of a practical approach for changing hope into words that are the reverse of inaction or waiting.

However, I did notice at the same time that I then sort of refrained myself from using the word ‘hope’ and that would mean that I can still do some work to make it ‘my own’, to redefine it in the sense of filling that word with a meaning I can live by, stand by and so share it, speak it within the context that it may be suitable for.

 

So here I want to nail this word down within the context of communicating with others and understanding when they use the word hope as a means or way to, for example, give themselves strength, courage and motivation to keep walking through a particular difficult situation in their lives where it is common to hear ‘let’s hope for the best’. I’ll share a particular example that I want to use as a platform to redefine this word hope for.

I’ve been recently in this situation of being aware of someone being very sick and possibly dying soon, I listened to people express hope for this person’s health to get better. I must say I did get challenged in that I thought it would not get better at all, but I’ve been proven wrong, which is great, but I also considered that as with everything, even if things can go ‘better’ for some time, once that a particular diagnosis is certain, hope can only exist ‘that far’ in terms of a person’s life, and it applies to all of us really, we all have a limited timeframe in this world and if we only ‘wait’ for something better to come our way, we will certainly waste our precious time here.

I shared above how I can now ‘fill in’ the meaning within the word hope in a way that is much more substantial than just waiting or wishing or thinking positively. Developing strength, courage, self-motivation, consistency, diligence and perseverance are great ways to live hope in a way that one can give that to oneself – in whichever measure one is able to and according to the context/situation and conditions. These words are so much more ‘here’ and empowering and able to be lived by and directed entirely by ourselves, no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the tasks we are moving ourselves with, what matters is precisely having this intent, this starting point of supporting ourselves or something/someone with that vision or outcome of creating a better situation for everyone involved moment by moment, day by day.

Here also considering that once that such active support is provided for example for a person, hope applies in the sense of yes doing what is necessary to assist another, the person assisting themselves with these words that they can live for and by themselves regardless, and there comes a practical ‘waiting’ in this case, where yes there is a waiting process at the same time to see how things evolve, what works best in creating a better quality of living in such difficult situation, it’s more of a timeframe to assess, to evaluate – but definitely not a time to be ‘with arms crossed’ doing nothing  – so this is also a practical way to see ‘hope’ as a practical waiting/observing of a development or unfoldment.

It also assists me in letting go of the usual image I have associated with hope which is that of ‘long faces’ as in sad faces that are ‘hoping’ for better times, like people in war that one can have as images etched in our minds of how all of them are yearning for something better, for the war to stop, hoping for the best, but many times being incapable of ‘stopping the war’ themselves – but they, as many people in war torn situations, have demonstrated that in those worst situations the better of themselves can come through and assist them to live through day by day. They do become that courage, that strength, that diligence to face their day to day even in worst case scenarios and not giving up, and that’s a key word here as well that can nurture and substantiate the word ‘hope’: not giving up, not letting oneself be blinded by emotions, but also not fall into ‘false illusions’ but being very realistic about the work to be done, the process ahead, the amount of self-work and diligence it will take to do that and so realizing that hope is not a given thing, hope doesn’t come ‘by itself,’ Hope is created as a day to day living process where each decision we make is in fact affecting and so creating our future.

This is also another dimension as well where at least in my case I tend to associate hope with this elusive ‘future time’/ a future-tense word where one is kept in ‘tension’ and so in a ‘paralyzed’ mode in the present ‘waiting’ for that future someday… but that’s exactly the kind of ‘trap’ that we have to prevent ourselves from falling into when using the word hope and instead be able to redefine it into the realization that we are creating the future every single moment, ‘we are the future’, the future is already here for us to create, because it doesn’t exist in fact ‘out there’, that’s only an illusion. All we have is the present, and so the present is an active living, an active doing and working on that which we want to change, create, redefine, align, build and direct ourselves and others towards.

Here’s another cool dimension that this opens up! Many times hope is linked to an expected outcome or result, that is mostly suiting our interests, our desires and it’s usually something good or positive in however we see or frame things. I’ll take the example of a person with a terminal illness and them waiting and hoping to get better, or their family members. So realistically, it is probably not possible for them to live much longer, but that certain outcome as death should not define ‘who they are’ in their every moment where they are still HERE, still alive, still breathing, yes with definitive problems in the functioning of their body, but there is in fact much more that we can still live of ourselves even in those worst case scenarios, and this is something that I’ve had the luck and opportunity to become recently aware of through the recordings on Eqafe from a dear friend that is sharing with us her process through Cancer, and needless to say that it has changed so much of my perception around the notion of pain and terminal illness that in a way it has assisted me to also dispel my own fears that I projected unto her and others that I see in such terminal-diseases, and realizing that there’s so much more to each one of ourselves, regardless of the physical ailments and impairments that we might or may go through in our lifetimes.

So, hope became a very convenient word to look at in relation to a process of ‘wishing someone to be well/get better’ – but in this I see that it makes much more sense to focus on a day by day basis, not to expect that ‘desired outcome’ as in ‘full recovery’ or ‘back to 100% health’ because that would be an illusion, but instead definitely focusing on living this hope as in sticking to the best aspects of ourselves, our strength, our courage, our transcendence of fears and limitations, which means actual work, a constant being and doing in every moment that we are here breathing, breathing life into life instead of giving it away to worry, fears or empty waiting modes.

I very much appreciate the work from Sunette at SOUL – School of Ultimate Living that has opened to us a myriad of possibilities to look at words and how to practically redefine them, it’s quite a gift to give to oneself once that one is ready and willing to support oneself to change in one’s day to day reality. So, this is here my sharing in honor of what I’ve learned from her and through her in the awesome videos that have been share thus far this year at SOUL. Please check them out!

If you reading this have other points open up for you in relation to hope, please share them! I’d like to read and expand more on possible aspects contained in this word ‘hope.’

And so I take these words I’ve written also to place into context the usual expectations on the new year, and how so whenever hearing or reading the word ‘hope’ one can use it as a ‘flag point’, a reminder that there are actual ‘doings’ attached to that word: it’s up to us to create it, to stand as that which we want to live by and create for ourselves. And so also here realizing that no matter how challenging, harsh and difficult situations might be –because let’s face it, that’s how reality is for the most part – we can decide who we are in those moments, and not allowing ‘the bad/the difficulties’ to define us, but rather decide who we are within ourselves while facing and walking through such moments, challenging ourselves to get past the wishful thinking mode and instead go straight into the actions that stand as solutions, as a clear determination of us deciding to live the best for ourselves and practically do it.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Recommended series that will certainly assist you in those difficult times in one’s life and health, but not limited to that either, gift yourself:

1.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 1

2.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 2

3.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 3

4.      Cancer Becoming Emotional – Death Research

5.      Getting Yourself in Tune – Death Research

 

 Hope

 

I leave the post with a picture that is used by one of my favorite bands and it happens to be that, lol, I never quite got ‘the point’ with this image until now! Throughout the years I actually found myself more like judging or reacting to the fact that they usually have this word ‘hope’ as a constant in their presentations and related images to their music. However, now that I finished this blog and have grounded myself in this redefinition of the word ‘Hope’ I can see that the hammer in this illustration can be a representation of ‘the work to do’, the actual actions to live in order to create such hope in a supportive, realistic and sustainable manner, scaring away the ‘wishful whimsical thinking’ lol.

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


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