Category Archives: self enjoyment

540. Being Funny

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

This word relates to the relationship to humor and jokes specifically where I genuinely enjoy laughing at someone’s jokes or expression that is generally intended within enjoying a moment of laughing out a bit. At some point I started investigating who I am as this ‘funniness’ in both laughing at jokes and general enjoyment where I became quite critical also of my ability to laugh and enjoy myself as ‘fun’, very much linking it to a sense of morality that I shared in a vlog recently wherein I thought that in order to be honest with myself, I had to stop participating in anything that I deemed of a feeling or energetic experience – and so my reasoning was to look at the constant nature of our world-wide reality which is yes,not of fun and enjoyment for the most part, but of suffering, abuse, neglect and in general all the worst that can exist in all of us.

However over time I realized I could not continually exist in that sense of embodying all of this in my ‘state of mind’ considering it doesn’t change anything for anyone in this world and I was only denying my expression of being funny, having fun and enjoying myself as a form of ‘sacrifice’ or ‘loyalty’ to the majority of humanity, but of course this ‘piousness’ doesn’t change anything. I was only becoming quite bitter actually and mostly getting to judge and at times envy whoever else I would see was enjoying themselves, having fun and generally being a regular human being, lol.

That’s when I started questioning why would I deny myself this ability to enjoy myself?

So I’ve been lately more and more embracing the ‘funniness’ in me which comes more through my interaction with others, but I am also doing it for myself, being comfortable in being funny. However this has been a process of ensuring that my starting point is clear.

In retrospect, sometimes being ‘funny’ would emerge as a desire to fit in with others, or to get someone’s attention, sometimes it would be plain sarcastic with some judgments coming through, therefore I also have worked with this to ensure that this funny-me emerges spontaneously, without a preconceived agenda, without ‘thinking it’ so to speak or planning it meticulously to obtain a particular purpose. I definitely enjoy being spontaneous and also laughing at other people’s spontaneous jokes and expressions in a conversation or an everyday moment.

Some other times I have also contained myself because of doubting how others will receive the jokes, sometimes I go into considering too much how others ‘might be’ on their end and their general self-experience in order to express myself in a fun manner or not, but it’s all a matter of seeing the context of course, without refraining myself from it.

However I do ensure that whatever I say is not at all implying any form of ‘jokes’ that are currently abundant related to judgments, opinions, politics or the rest of constructs that we use to ‘laugh at each other’ in a vicious and separation manner. It does take a form of childish innocence to be able to be fun and as an outcome what comes is a sense of comfort that can be created with other people, a form of openness where I personally use it to ‘lose’ my self-perceived seriousness at times with people.

I appreciate another’s expression in being comfortable to be funny and serious at the same time and not be defined by either or, but simply act and express according to ‘what’s here in the moment’ and this is something I’m definitely implementing in my life and more so practicing letting go of my doubt in expressing myself this way, and going for it as long as it is here and spontaneous – not controlled, premeditated or attempting to get a particular reaction from others, but doing so unconditionally, as my expression in the moment.

I also enjoy expressing with kids, like with my niece we spent some time together yesterday and we had quite a lot of fun because she’s quite similar to me and it was quite funny seeing her, her ways of expressing that I would laugh at because I could see me all the way, a bit quirky and uninhibited, so that was also the kind of innocent fun I very much enjoy wherein anything we do can be lived in a lively manner that in itself makes it fun and enjoyable, no matter how ‘simple’ the moment is.

Laughing and being funny is part of the things that I can enjoy in life, those bits and moments that become a ‘breather’ in our day to day, without creating any ‘need’ or ‘addiction’ to it, but seeing it as the spice that one can express for a moment and then carry on with the rest of what we have to be, do and face in our reality.

So! No need to separate myself from this expression anymore, I’ve definitely been more comfortable in embracing this expression as myself and will continue to do so in my life.

Thanks for reading

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


535. Self-Enjoyment and Expression

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

These two words expression go hand in hand and I’ve seen that in my case, they are also a result of me first sorting out any point that is creating noise within me and so discomfort in my body. Speaking of which, I just watched today a very cool SOUL video on this topic which is recommendable for everyone to listen to because it is something we all can relate to regardless – it’s about who we are in our body and developing a sense of it and linking it to ‘what goes up in our minds’ or experiences, so here it is: How Are You In Your Body?. This aspect of comfort I’ll also get to in blogs to come since it is something that I’ve outlined in this series of words to ‘look back into myself’ in relation to that point of attraction from which this blog series is stemming from, and I defined it ‘comfort in one’s own skin’ which is the same as being comfortable in our bodies and what I consider is having a relaxed expression as an outflow of self-acceptance and self-appreciation.

However here I’ll focus on Self-Enjoyment and Self-Expression in the context of not having any trigger going on in my reality to enjoy and express myself – meaning not doing it ‘for someone else’ or within a particular context where there’s more people involved, but getting to the core of who I am within myself as these words alone.

This is again reflecting a bit on the original point of ‘attraction’ created towards another in relation to this point of self-enjoyment I perceived in them, wherein I cannot really tell ‘who they are’ in relation to self-expression while being alone/with themselves, because all that I’ve seen and known of them is based on interviews, documentaries which means there’s always an interaction of sorts with other people recording the interaction, in essence it can be also a ‘show’ towards others – however the words are here for me to look at in both contexts.

One thing I am certain is that I definitely can enjoy communication with others, it can be either through a chat or video chat or in real time, I appreciate a bit more the real time ones because of being in a particular environment with the people face to face, I consider that there’s really something about being in the presence of others that makes it very real – but it is still a perception because I can still communicate in the rest of the ways and enjoy myself as well.

However here I want to focus more on ‘who I am’ as self-expression and self-enjoyment within myself, alone. This opens up the possibility for me to fine tune this point of self-expression in relation to what I decide to live in every moment of my life, as a set of decisions, choices, doings that I do for myself, as myself – hence the word expression where there’s no ‘separate motivation’ behind it, but entirely doing it as myself. Now this I have gotten to integrate to a certain extent in who I am, doing things as an expression of me, however! When it comes to ‘me time’ or personal time and self-enjoyment that’s where I want to really look into. 

Self Enjoyment is easier to express when doing something where I am particularly being productive, being of assistance to others or when I go for a walk and there’s that ‘perfect weather’ like windy and cloudy yet having bits of sun shining through, that can really make me genuinely smile and enjoy the moment. However whenever I don’t have any particular ‘triggers’ or ‘reasons’ to enjoy something in a moment, meaning there is no ‘stimulation’ of sorts by external elements, that’s where I have been testing out making more of a decision in moments with myself to get to express and enjoy something, while being alone and doing so entirely for myself.

A point of conditioning that I’ve seen for a long time is how I’ve defined self-expression in relation to only a set of particular activities, namely art related, in writing, in communication – and all of these are more ‘production’ based or interaction-based, but this creates a huge gap into the rest of the moments where I am not doing any of that and perceiving that I am not ‘expressing’ myself or that I am not ‘enjoying myself’ which is the deception to clear out for myself here.

I have a tendency to focus too much on ‘doing things’ and ‘getting things done’ to a point where I can easily not stop from the moment I wake up till I go to bed and not get a ‘break’ to ‘smell the flowers’ so to speak, except when I have to eat or if I go out – but my challenge and focus here is on expanding my ability to enjoy being (with) myself in simple situations where I am not necessarily ‘doing’ something, but simply getting to enjoy me, my presence, my physicality as in ‘I’m here’, I’m alive, I breathe, I am content with myself.

It is definitely awesome where one stops ‘longing’ something or someone to create an experience within us, because one is no longer defined by having a ‘positive experience’ being triggered by something or someone else, but can instead be one’s starting point and decision to enjoy a moment with ourselves.

An example is where I can simply step outside for a moment and just look at the sky and breathe some fresh air, or laying down for a moment, closing my eyes and practicing to just breathe and not engage in thinking, but develop that physical awareness in those moments and be in my physical body– as simple as it may sound these are enjoyable moments. Same with just staring for a moment at ‘life passing by’ and being ‘empty’ within myself – those are some of the peaceful moments, but they are also a result of me first getting to do most of the things I set myself to do, meaning, I very much dedicate my day to ‘doings’ yes, but at the same time I’ve also been learning to integrate some ‘me’ time where I can develop these self-enjoyment moments, like cooking or preparing something for me to eat or drink that I enjoy, or going to the movies which is definitely something I enjoy – and truly the way I get myself to watch a movie because it’s tough at times to do so at home – or when I decide to jog in the morning and it’s simply so nice to go to the park early on and having the sun not out yet – those are moments with myself that I appreciate – but I also want to be able to enjoy myself regardless of any of these activities.

And this is where I’ve noticed that ‘enjoyment’ per se if definitely not going to be as defined by consciousness, as a super high experience of ‘thrill’ or having a ‘buzz’ in my body where everything goes super fast and I’m like on a ‘high’ point – nope, this enjoyment is more of a fulfillment, self-fulfillment and lately is being linked to self-appreciation which is actually emerging from this same self-introspection I’ve been doing to debunk all of my supposed ‘lacks’ as well or points I’m ‘missing’ when in fact, these are just thoughts that I’ve given power to in my mind, but the ‘magic’ of writing is that upon seeing it for what it is in my words on the screen or on paper, they lose their ‘power’ so to speak, because I can see where I have not recognized the words I’m already living or how I have separated myself from certain words as well, which is great, it’s like a self-consolidation process and that’s very cool for this time of my life.

However, here I push for detail and specificity. Within me there’s a tendency when getting ‘too quiet’ to also bring up more like unconscious patterns of diving into a melancholy or slight depression, experiencing a sort of lack, longing, yearning etc. which has to do very much with the word I opened up yesterday in relation to comfort in solitude, where that comfort becomes a platform for me to enjoy and express me, for me, as me and at the same time, it has led me to ‘rekindle’ a relationship with myself based on how I can recognize who I am, what I’ve become, what I’m working on, being able to truly start appreciating myself, the path I’ve been deciding to walk and living it out in my life thus far, being grateful for all the people that I’ve gotten to meet and be with – and learn from it all – and realizing how much this has assisted me to grow as an individual. 

I also have had a tendency to value this experience ‘with others’ as something ‘more’ than being alone, which is why I open up this self-expression and self-enjoyment on my own, meaning getting to at the same time be comfortable in my own body, in every moment,  but also in deciding to do or express things for myself.

Self-expression and self-enjoyment is about who I really am in every moment, how I am experiencing myself in my body, being able to investigate myself if there’s any ‘noise’ going on in my head that is creating a particular experience in me and finding out what it is all about, which  actually becomes something enjoyable for me to do as well – and so be able to make a decision to get back to a point of comfort within my body so that I can then express myself in whatever I do as a point of flow, direction, focus and determination in my regular responsibilities.

That’s how in working with writing, self-forgiveness in self-honesty and deciding to create the changes I need to establish myself back into my own two feet and express myself, I become enjoyment as well which I can also define as a satisfaction within me, as in being satisfied about all the day’s actions, of how I am directing myself throughout the day and this is certainly not about having positive thoughts or anything like that at all, it’s about principles and doings, it’s about knowing who I am and what I want to be and create – and so expressing, doing, sharing myself based on that realization, translating it into actions, considerations, choices, decisions, plans and projects, things to make and produce, while also yes, now integrating some ‘slow-me-time’ into the equation, that’s the challenge here.

 

If it is a ‘me-time’ where I don’t have anything specific to do, I can then practice on enjoying my physical experience, my presence, my surroundings, that quietness and stability that I am aware I can get to once that I have worked with what I had to do and create for the day as my expression.

So as I was mentioning earlier, self-expression and self-enjoyment has got to start for me, as me yet invariably of course this resulting in affecting the way I relate to others and the ways that I share who I am with others, in my interactions and such, which I find is most enjoyable.

Ultimately as I expressed yesterday as well, we cannot define our own expression and enjoyment based on where we are or with whom, nor if we are entirely ‘alone’ in a certain environment. I consider that being able to enjoy self in whatever we do is a point of self-acceptance, self appreciation and self-trust that is built throughout walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness as life as well, it just doesn’t come ‘in one go’ and it has taken me some years to get to a relative point of self-enjoyment and self-expression, but here I’m definitely pushing myself to the next level of continuing to fine tune myself in detail in relation to these aspects of myself as self-expression and self-enjoyment.

So, some self-forgiveness here on the perception that I cannot enjoy myself unless I share my expression with another or sometimes wishing that I could share myself or an activity with someone else in moments where it’s just not possible at the moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that I can only enjoy myself genuinely in the presence of another/others, wherein in moments where I can be genuinely enjoying myself, I go into a ‘wishing’ or ‘longing’ to be in the presence of someone else that could also ‘benefit’ from this enjoyment or this activity as well, instead of realizing that myself as part of the whole, living this self-enjoyment is already me being it/expressing it as others as well. What I can practically do is then proceed to share myself with others in relation to how I’ve done this, the process I’ve walked to get to this self-enjoyment – or get to establish relationships with people where this kind of enjoyment can be shared – however without making it a condition for me to express and live self-enjoyment for and as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have thought before that ‘life is better when sharing it with another’ – and so conditioning my expression in relation to ‘being with someone else’ and perceiving that when I am alone I am ‘miserable’ and so seeing no point in enjoying myself, which is a perception and a belief again that ‘this expression right here could be also shared and/or experienced with someone else’ which it is so in fact, it can, but it doesn’t have to ‘necessarily’ be so to make it enjoyable for myself alone – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of ‘something or someone else’ the motivation for me to express me, to live enjoyment – when in fact this is precisely where we cripple ourselves in believing that it’s not worth ‘fully being here as ourselves’ in moments when we are alone, because we are not affecting someone else in any way of seeing them also enjoy and share a moment with us – when in fact, that is only a perception, because regardless of who is there or not, one can express and enjoy for and as oneself, and this is then a living expression that one becomes an example that can be shared with many more people that have conceived it as pointless to express and enjoy themselves alone – so I in essence have to live my own words and realizations into myself, so that I can be self-honest in my expression around this whole point, and truly become a living example of what it means to live these words self-expression and self-enjoyment even in the perceived ‘silent’ or ‘still’ moments within myself, deciding to be more expressive for me as me and not only doing so for another that is around me. And this has been a point I’ve been practicing for sure, bit by bit I’ll continue expanding myself on this.  

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition my expression based on who is around and how I can ‘affect them’ or ‘trigger them’ with my expression, which is then a point of separation such as doing something funny, enjoyable or express myself in a particular way to ‘create happiness’ or ‘enjoyment’ in another, which I can instead learn to do for me, as me, as an expression – no need for observers or onlookers for it.

I commit myself to embrace me, my expression, my enjoyment and whenever those thoughts come up of ‘Oh I wish I could have shared this moment with someone else’ I simply breathe and realize I’m here as me, I enjoy it, I live it – whenever there’s an opportunity to share it with another, I will, but then it won’t be doing it ‘for them’ only, but as an outflow of what I’ve already lived for and as myself, as my expression.

Thanks for reading

 

Inner Creations

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


524. Redefining Routine

Or The Gift of Responsibilities and Discipline on a day to day basis as a point of stability and consistency in my life

What I’ve discovered more and more through this process is how once that one decides to walk through an experience and does all the necessary work to see behind the ‘veil’ of such experience, what one will finds is oneself, the potential that we have to be in fact ‘here’, directive, content, grounded, stable and embracing the walk of life even during seemingly difficult or tough times.

What I looked at today was the benefit of having responsibilities and getting to fulfill as a point of stability in my life which I am in fact grateful for, as well as self-discipline that can be applied to taking on responsibilities and fulfilling them – but I also see discipline more in the context where one doesn’t ‘have to do something’ as an obligation, requirement or commitment with a second party, but discipline in things that we decide to do for ourselves, for the benefit, enjoyment and self-expansion of it.

An example can be how I know that it sucks whenever I over sleep and I’ve ‘squandered’ some 1 or 2 hours in sleeping over the usual time, which has happened after going through somewhat emotionally charged days or extensive physical work which doesn’t really happen in my life currently but has in the past. I generally dislike that experience and as much as I’ve stopped being moody about it, it’s one of those things where one simply didn’t get to use that time of the day for what was planned because of ‘oversleeping.’

So, a simple point for me can be to be diligent in waking up, sometimes reminding me of how I dislike the experience of missing out those hours of the day, sometimes because I enjoy waking up before the sun rises and I enjoy going out for a jog during the dawn and enjoying that there are not too many cars, that there’s not a scorching sun upon me and that there’s the chilliness of morning times, which is a constant here no matter what season we’re in. I discovered I genuinely enjoy doing this because I get to go to the park and be in such an environment even if for only half an hour a day and then I come back and feel content with myself, satisfied that I was able to wake up and direct myself to do that and can continue with my day which I also like to see as this continuation of activities – from one to the other, to the next – and sometimes fitting them like a puzzle according to the day, the plans that I have and making it work, which usually works but sometimes there are things that come out of nowhere and I also have to learn to be more flexible on that and not lose ‘track’ of myself that way, which I still have to work on.

So, in a way I am finding how doing seemingly ‘simple’ things as part of my day are quite grounding, supportive and a point of stability in my life – to me schedules work as an integral part of who I am in my day, I plan instinctively but in the sense of fitting things in certain timeframes and according to the set-times for certain meetings – and I am the only one that would be causing myself an ‘overload’ or delay of something if I don’t simply direct myself to do it as it is required. Of course procrastination is still something I have to work on, especially in doing things that I believe they have no ‘value’ for myself, which I will be working on fairly soon as well and challenging such rigidity in myself.

I personally enjoy going out for long walks when it’s windy and sunset time and I don’t know what it is but there’s nothing that is more enjoyable to me than that, it’s just feeling the wind and walking and if I’m listening to music it creates a complement where I get to enjoy the moment for and as myself. Same if I decide to go to the movies and watch a movie that I can reflect on for myself or enjoy for the visuals of it – I’m more allowing that to myself after having lived some years of almost no movies. I truly was living a little bit like a monk, which was ok to test out my relationship with things like music and entertainment, but lately I’ve been reincorporating more of this in my life because it is part of the things I can enjoy for myself and that I can do within my current life situation.

Of course all of this integrated with the rest of my day to day responsibilities and routines that I have to say in my case, have been a point of stability, of consistency that becomes more than just a ‘doing’ or ‘getting something done,’ but more of a way in which I am able to now approach a ‘routine’ not with the eyes that I used to before in the sense of going ‘oh no, not again the same, sameness, same old, ah, I need change, need a break’ or any of that –

interestingly enough, by now if I had repeated that kind of reactions every single day, today I was actually reflecting in how even the simple movement of coming to the computer and turning it on by now would have been something I would be physically rejecting or reacting to do, if I had continued to build reactions towards my every day, including daily self-care tasks which yes I had a time where I was reacting to the very fact of having to go to the toilet or having to eat, having to do all of these things on a daily basis. It may sound strange to some, but if you can relate to it: been there, done that and I had to stop my reactions, realize I am the only one creating them and instead embrace physicality, embracing the physical routine because that’s quite a certainty of our lives, day followed by night completing a day and ‘repeat’ the next day – that’s also a point of stability in fact, and I’ve learned to see it as such rather than ‘predictable’ and ‘boring’ or whatever else.

So what changed? Certainly not the length of day and night or any of that, but myself, entirely deciding to live my day to day in a way where I can be stable throughout it all, no matter how many times I will ‘rinse and repeat’ the same thing, because I stopped projecting ‘the future’ and my life based on the amount of days I believe I will be doing the same (or the amount of years I will get to live, because who knows! We don’t even have the next breath assured, really) but instead have actually learned to live a day and giving it what I am capable of in that one day, dare I say I am not yet in that ‘fullest potential’ for sure, and that’s what I’ll continue working on.

This also comes back to something that I decided to live on from when I was in junior high school and I read somewhere a quote along the lines of never losing the ability to be astounded – but I saw it not so much in terms of the ability to react in wonder or amazement or a ‘high’ experience of sorts, but simply in being able to rediscover oneself every day, by developing self-awareness. I’ve heard so many people say that they get bored, and I used to as well, but since I got to be aware of this process, there hasn’t been a day I have defined as ‘boring’ because there’s always something to do, we  simply got more than enough to ‘do’ with getting to really know ourselves and ‘debunking’ where our lies hide and getting real and honest with ourselves to change all of that which we dislike in ourselves, what we know will harm us and eventually destroy us or sabotage us.

I understand that initially it may seem – and I repeat SEEM, because it’s always an experience, therefore it’s only energy – as if it was difficult to get to a point of clarity in relation to something, to even wake up with a ‘clear’ experience to start your day, your ‘routine’, but all I can say is hold on to yourself and stick to the wheel, keep driving and navigating yourself through the seemingly stormy weather, it too shall pass and if you don’t give up or recoil back to fear during a storm, you will get to see the skies clear up and you’ll see yourself remaining standing. And that is something I can call a genuine strength, a perseverance and consistency, a result of discipline, clarity and stopping participation in reactions to our ‘day to day’ living – we decide which words define us – I personally prefer to keep cultivating discipline, consistency, perseverance and dedication rather than any other emotional outburst that I know will only drop me back to ‘square one’ in whichever development I am attempting to create in my life.

A last pointer here, to not get lost in the experience, but to get active and ‘on track’ on a day to day basis, this is the best gift we can give to ourselves on a daily basis, to dignify our lives with the responsibilities we have, with the care that we can give us because the moment we go into an experience about doing these basic things in our life related to physical care and work, responsibilities, relationships or anything that we know we have to face day by day, we are only preparing a road full of reactions and endless sources of Inner-conflict – because it’s not about ‘the world, the people, the relationships or the tasks’, never – it’s all about who we decide to be in relation to it all.

I suggest to rather consider or ‘keep in mind’ the potential that is right here as ourselves, in our very physical body that is being powered breath by breath – if we simply decide to do it, to move through the storm and stick to moving ourselves by living principles, continuing to clear ourselves up with writing, self-forgiveness and laying out corrective applications, then we will see the benefits of this process and understand what I mean here.

All I can say is: this works, if we make it work – it’s up to each one of us to tap into such life and consistency that is always here as ourselves if we decide to live as it and stopping getting ‘lost’ in the experiences towards a self-created doom.  

I decide to see every day as one more chance/opportunity to live, to learn, to expand, to explore myself, to re-discover myself, to challenge myself – yet keeping it simple – Simplicity is the key, as B would say

Thanks for reading

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


507. From V-Day to U-Day

 

I read the following quote by Sunette Spies today and I see it as a very important message for all of us to consider in days like today where Valentine’s day has been for many – including myself in the past – a cause of anger, sadness or despair for not being in a relationship, which is definitely not necessary since we all have the ability to redefine how these global-celebrations are lived by each one of us so, here’s her quote:

Yes, today is Valentine’s Day – the 14th of February – globally. I reflected on this day, even with being in a relationship. Looking at the symbolism of the letter V, inspiring me to do this post and also a video soon to come!!! The following opened up for me:

Transforming V to U – V-Day to U-Day. What does this mean?
Even if you are in a relationship – you are still an individual….This is something many forget, neglect, don’t consider or simply haven’t looked at. Being an individual means YOU as who you are as an individual person choose, and every day essentially chooses to share yourself, grow, commit, learn, enjoy, built, create etc. a relationship and / or life with another. In this process, it becomes 1 + 1 = 2: one individual + one individual = a relationship. A trinity is formed. Two INDIVIDUALS creating a relationship.

eVery day should be V-Day and / or U-Day!!! We redefine then the ONE Valentine’s Day we GLOBALLY SHARE as a GLOBAL CELEBRATION of oneself as individual and / or one’s relationship with one’s partner as I do know there is also family days, friends days etc. that are globally celebrated.
YOU CAN OWN VALENTINES DAY!!! In a way of defining and celebrating it for yourself as you see fit – rather than in any way being emotional, judgmental, allowing yourself to go into comparison of others etc.

My message to all this day is: OWN THIS DAY!!! Define and celebrate it in a way that SUPPORTS and EMPOWERS you as a person and how you live. In the end, what will matter the most is your integrity, love, care, consideration and regard as a person towards yourself and others…

MUCH more to come in videos soon to be posted! Enjoy yourself this day as much as any other day…you are ALWAYS WITH YOU!!!” – Sunette Spies

 

Based on this, I’d like to share on the importance of this self-relationship because many times we come to accept and allow the belief that our happiness depends on being with another in a relationship, and sometimes we might even get to live out that type of experiences only to in the end see that without the person, we are still with ourselves and no matter if we are in a relationship or not, what remains is self, here, that we continue to live as and with.

I know, it sounds almost ‘weird’ to say that the first relationship we should establish in self-agreement is with ourselves and that means precisely walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness, self honesty and self-support, having ourselves as our starting point, reason or motivation for it.

Through walking this process for myself, and over time and through the various relationships I’ve had with partners, friends, colleagues, one thing is certain: change and I have been there before in my life where ‘the end of a relationship’ would mean ‘the end of my world’ for some time and it was usually very hard to step back on my own two feet, precisely because I was not focusing on first creating a relationship with myself, in essence living for myself, appreciating me, enjoying me, supporting me first and foremost.

I had mostly lived out a pattern of ‘being there for another’ and through that ‘completing myself’ which is definitely not sustainable, it was not healthy for myself or for another because that’s how dependency is created in relationships. I learned this the hard way, but through walking the Agreements: Redefining Relationships Course while I was alone or without a partner in my life, it assisted me to ground myself in understanding how no matter if I was alone or in a relationship, the focus of support was still on myself. It assisted me to precisely understand what this Self-Relationship is and throughout the whole course I got to see how a relationship is in fact a sum of 2 people, not ‘me completing another’ or me being ‘fulfilled’ by another, I got to see how no relationship that is supportive can last when one is not existing in that self-agreement to support ourselves first.

And this is how the word agreement is used as a way to define relationships where one person in self-agreement, in their own self-relationship can walk with another in the same self-agreement and self-relationship to then stand together and create this agreement of two individuals, a redefined-relationship in fact.

In doing this, one is also better equipped for whichever outcome is in a relationship, no matter the hardships, obstacles, starting overs or break ups. For example, if the relationship ends, sure there is the whole process of having to part ways and get used to being alone again – however this is a much ‘smoother’ process as well when one has a cemented relationship with oneself in self-support and self-honesty, wherein in that self-support and self-agreement one has lived within a relationship, no matter if the other person is no longer there, what one does for oneself as self-support doesn’t change, what one has grown and learned from the relationship remains there as oneself, how one has assisted and supported oneself in practical terms in one’s life and at an emotional level doesn’t change if the other person is no longer there.

Of course there are changes in terms of activities done by both in a relationship and any other practical arrangements in day to day living, but those changes are also able to be faced with more stability, strength and determination when one has already realized that, as Sunette explains, no matter if one is in a relationship or not, we are always with ourselves and that is something that is very cool to understand in the depth that it implies, because then we don’t depend on something or someone else for us to develop ourselves, to grow as people, to change the ways that we know we have to adjust in ourselves, to develop a genuine care for our bodies, our mind and so our lives and plans in it. It is always up to us, regardless of being in a relationship or not.

It’s interesting how we’ve come to accept a notion of ‘void’ or ‘lack’ if one is not in a relationship and allowing it to be a part of self-definition that is usually seen as a ‘lesser value’ or ‘in the waiting for it’ – when the fact is that in doing so, we are suppressing or not looking at the relationship that is by far the most important one in our lives: with ourselves, because no matter ‘where’ we are or with ‘who’ we are, we are always with ourselves and it is ourselves that we will genuinely ‘be with’ for the rest of our lives, which is great as well to realize ‘no matter what’ I always got me, my support, my words to live and my life to continue expanding on.

So, I can wholeheartedly recommend assisting oneself through the Agreements Course, specially if you can identify with what I mentioned earlier as the ‘who I was’ previously in relationships where I would literally lose my ground whenever I had to end a relationship and I’ve found out that this doesn’t have to be that way, one can decide to not give into those patterns and instead strengthen and rekindle – if you will – the relationship to oneself, because it is quite liberating at the same time for oneself and for others to not make ourselves dependent on others to live in self-fulfillment, in self-enjoyment and self-support, wherein we can decide to look at life through the eyes of owning our creation, owning our time of the day every day.

Therefore it is up to us then to instead of going into reactions like sadness or fatalism for being or not being in a relationship ‘with another’, I’d rather say: focus on the relationship with yourself because it’s with you that You’ll live with for the rest of your life, it’s your body, your mind the one that you’ll have to ‘stand through’ and with until your last breath and if we haven’t given to ourselves that actual love, care, consideration, support and enjoyment of who we are as a person, as an individual, alone,  then how can we expect any other person to ‘give it to us’? That’s how love turns to hate which Is what I have explained in a previous blog if you want to check it out.

I suggest embracing yourself and realizing how we are not really ‘alone’ as we are always with ourselves – and at the same time it is also up to us to expand our definition of relationships to others in a supportive manner, expanding this self-agreement in our relationship with any other person is certainly a suggestion here as well, so that no matter ‘what’ goes on in our lives and paths, we always have our ourselves as our own ground, our starting point of self-support, our own self-care and self-love, and in turn be able to give it to others as a genuine expression of ourselves, not as a ‘need’ or ‘lack’ or ‘convenience’ of sorts.

That’s definitely the kind of human beings I’d like us all to be, to be able to stand alone and be self-caring, self-fulfilled individuals that can join paths to create something of support together for ourselves and for others  – yet can function as units or ‘stand alones’ in an equally supportive manner. That’s the real equality equation of 1+1=2 and that’s what I want to continue practicing being and standing as in my life and with others in my life.

Thanks for reading,

Enjoy

 

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466.Comfort in Communication

Or the experiences after getting rid of judgments, fears and expectations when communicating with others.

I’d like to share about how things can go when communicating with other people and having no expectations, secret agendas and judgments within oneself before, during and after doing so.

I’ve noticed for some time now how supportive it was for me to have the series of hangouts for the Living Income channel where I would set up meetings with people from around the globe to discuss with them for around 40 minutes a set of questions or topics I had prepared for them – of course them being experts or well acquainted with the topic or representing it – and it was a general great process for me – and sometimes them as well – to get past the ‘stage fright’ phase that these meetings would create in me and some of them that shared about it at the same time, where week after week it became easier every time to just connect into the hangout and suddenly be face to face with a person that I had never spoken before to in my life – most of the times – and still I was able to develop comfort in speaking with them, from greeting to getting to set the details of our conversation and during the after-hangout feedback time– all of it became easier and easier over time with practice.

Was it ‘easy’ from the get go? Nope, I mean sure nervousness existed whenever I was over-thinking and over-diving into judgments/ideas I had, for example, toward a particular person and how knowledgeable they were or how important their role is in something, or whenever I felt not so ‘grounded’ in my awareness of the topics to be discussed, but it definitely assisted me a lot to listen to the series of recordings for self-support explaining Nervousness and what it means within the context of giving public talks for example or the kind of communication I was doing for some time for the hangouts. There I learned to rather prepare well and then simply ‘doing it’, trusting myself which is easily said but it is more a process of practicing a lot, repeating the same a lot.

I noticed that the less I participated in ‘thinking too much’ beforehand about the communication in terms of judgments based on ‘values’ of being not good enough or not knowledgeable enough, or even language barrier or any sort of projected experience I’d create upon them or how they ‘seem to be’ – the less I would get an experience about it and instead I made it a point to simply face things ‘in the moment’ and not create any expectations around it, because that’s what I saw was creating the unsettling nervousness within me.

At the same time I got to practice that ability to relate to any person, no matter what their age, culture, personality was or even beliefs at times, I was able to get to a point of comfortable exchange wherein I was quite grateful for them spending some time with me in one of their rest-days – Sundays – and being willing to share their perspectives, insights or expertise on something. That way I came to genuinely develop a hope for humanity again in a way, because each one of them represented a part of me as humanity that is standing up for solutions, that is building, creating or spending their time to create something that is of benefit, of mutual benefit in one way or another to change things in our world.

But it definitely also became something beyond ‘what they do’ and I mostly enjoyed getting to know ‘strangers’ in a way that I could resonate with and have similar or the same principles as I do for the most part, based on what they work on or dedicate their free time to. And this was mostly like communicating to who they are as a being that is dedicating themselves to better themselves and others in one way or another in their reality. This was quite supportive and inspirational to me.

However, some might think: well, of course they are inspirational! You would pick them based on the topics and aspects you were interested to learn more about from them, stuff that is already geared to better life in this world! And that is right to an extent which is why the next steps of challenge has been to be able to apply this same approach with any/other kinds of people no matter what ‘background’ they have and develop such comfort in communication, in asking questions to them even if they were very personal in nature upon meeting them for 2-3 minutes as it’s happened some times, lol. How do I get to do this?

The ‘secret’ is based on giving as I’d like to receive and this is not an exchange of sorts at the beginning really, but it all has to do with the disposition I have in the moment I am in the presence of another human being that I am about to interact with even if for a few minutes only. And no, this is not only playing kindness to receive kindness in a convenient-system manner, but an actual recognition of another ‘me,’ another actual life form whom I have in fact SO much in common with even if we can be ‘worlds apart’ – apparently – when we allow ourselves to be defined by personalities, cultures, ages, education, money and the rest of ways in which we have unfortunately learned to segregate ourselves with. From kids to older people, from foreigners to extended family members, the application is the same: to share myself, to give my presence even if with ‘few words’ to in a way embody that acknowledgment of another ‘me’, and so talk to them, address them and develop an interaction that represents the way that I am with myself when being comfortable and even enjoying myself with just ‘being finally me’ which is probably easy to say really, but it’s been years and years of deconstructing my own layers of self-judgment and judgment I’d constantly hold toward others that only recently can I see has been ‘outgrown’ in me to an extent and so I have yes kind of ‘matured’ in a sense, lol, but not as I would have expected. I am in fact a lot more expressive, even playful at times if the opportunity develops to that extent.

Here in the past I had mistaken seriousness as in having a ‘stark expression’ with strangers as a way to kind of create a space for myself, out of fear really, to test the waters, to go cautiously and in doing so believing I was in control of something, when in fact, it was all based on fears that I’ve been deconstructing and letting go of – which translates in what I can describe as being more ‘here’ in the moment, no ‘script’ planned, but just trust myself that I am able to communicate with others and establish my self-comfort in it and share myself as it, no matter which situation I am in – although of course I mean there’s places and time for everything, let’s say doing this in common sense.

It is very much something I could link to the expression of a child and I had mostly been like that from early times in my life where I went on learning more ‘politesse’ ways from my parents and curbing the amount of ‘excitement’ I should show at times or not revealing too many ‘details’ about something etc. lol, I many times challenged that regardless but as I became an a-dull-t, I did become more quiet in certain situation and not being able to fully ‘be me’ because of loading all of those judgments, fears and expectations in me and so projected them toward others in the kind of thoughts like ‘oh what are they going to think about me’ which I can honestly say it is hardly something that comes up in me these days.

So how are things now in relation to this? Keeping practicing is one way, but what matters most is developing each time that ability to stand clear within me, which means having no expectations, no fears, no judgments prior, through and after a communication with others. I probably still have to keep working on the ‘after-math’ because I’ve noticed how sometimes I ponder if what I said was ‘too much’ or could have said this instead better, or approaching it that other way etc., not so much focusing on ‘how they see me’ but how I could have done things better – like after-communication backchat, which is not necessary to do in fear or judgment, but can be a constructive self-reflection about the points in terms of achieving the intent of a communication in practical manners – and if it’s merely social, then no need to judge it at all and let go of it, keep focusing on the ‘here’ and present moment and instead creating further opportunities to expand or fine tune aspects I saw I missed in the previous interaction.

I can say I am more open and comfortable in communication, embracing a bit of a child-like stance in the sense that I can speak in consideration of the situation, moment, people etc. and share stuff, ask questions, act and express myself without having internal noise about it, except when I fixate too much on another’s expression which actually only happens the most with my partner who is still a bit of a challenge for me to not dive into perceptions or projections of what I believe he is communicating with his expression – I’ve been proven several times to be actually Assuming a lot – so, in that way I still have to fine tune my ability to not attempt to ‘read’ into someone and pretend I know what they are trying to say or are experiencing, but keep it very real, physical and word-based which means, asking directly instead, getting the words through from someone instead of me jumping into assumptions or conclusions.

There’s one character in a movie that I could sort of many times relate to in a very fun manner, that’s Mozart’s character in the movie Amadeus where I many times felt like that ‘naïve’ type of personality in a grown ups world and lol, I still kind of do at times and of course not to that extent of kind of being clownish all the time or in a way to suppress other stuff either, but I’ve decided to make it a point to not opaque that spark that is in me that is very much ‘here’ and unconditional as an expression of myself, one that is not premeditated or ‘thought about’ or controlled, it’s just something that emerges the moment that I decide to stand clear, express without hidden agendas or wanting to control something or some outcome out of fears or judgments etc.… I leave all of that out of my moment and then what is here is just here, me expressing, continuing being inquisitive and not being afraid to ask questions – is up to each person to answer or not – because I enjoy getting to know people as well and kind of challenging myself every time to see that I can always find that ‘me’ in others, just by the fact that we are beings living in the same world, there’s always something ‘in common’ and that is what I kind of have integrated as my principle and starting point to not be afraid to talk to someone or address them or express myself with because, doesn’t matter how ‘little’ I can know you, I know we have a ton in common already , and that’s a great way to create comfort, familiarity if you will with basic aspects that we can all understand by the fact of being human beings.

At the same time sure, I know there’s many kinds of people I haven’t ever had the chance to talk to yet, but I’ve gotten to know several kinds of them through documentaries or through the internet as well and you can test this for yourself, there’s always going to be this ‘something’ that one can spot as the uniting factor. And that is all that I require in order to have something to communicate about which means this is a way to embrace others as myself, no matter how ‘short’ or ‘long’ term the interaction is, I definitely am practicing to make each one of those interactions a moment where I can learn something of myself, of others, of ‘something’ about this world and it becomes an enjoyable experience for me and even cooler if it becomes so for another too.

How did this topic opened up? I just had a chat with a guy that is my partner’s friend and I have gotten to know some details about his life but it was quite refreshing to meet over Skype and this time have no ‘topic’ secured – as with hangouts – to discuss about, but it was an open space for anything and all which was cool because then I applied the same point, just being ‘here’ in the moment, sharing, asking questions, being just here, sharing, comfortable, laughing, expressing – yeah also going through that point of seeing how there’s some sharings that can make the other uncomfortable, lol – but still be able to laugh about it and expand onto other subjects.

I’m in general appreciating the existence of these moments where we can connect even if living very far away, having ‘little in common’ apparently – lol – which is a fallacy really, we all have everything in common and we can always connect with one another if we so decide to do, and this is exactly what I wanted to share today, that it’s entirely up to us to be open, to be vulnerable, to embrace others in our daily interactions, to share ourselves, to give them the expression of ourselves that is most ‘pure’ in the sense of it not being contaminated with fears, judgments, expectations, desires or whatever else we can concoct in our minds, but be more like children are, innocent, in the moment, yet of course developing depth and substance in what we share at the same time with others, which in my case, my intent is to always have a background of support in any communication, of genuinely wanting to say ‘touch’ another person for a lack of better word because it’s not a ‘connection’ of sorts, but more like creating a realization of I am here, I see you, I hear you, I acknowledge you, you are part of what’s here which is all of us as life in equality, therefore, I embrace you as a part of me, let’s express.

That’s quite the way to go in developing relationships of any kind really, no matter how small or menial they can be in our everyday lives but, my take is that with this practical approach – that in fact it is more like an outflow of a lot of self-work at the same time – is the way to change our day to day interactions and so the ‘fabric of our societies’ and so of our world – and all that it takes is each, one by one, committing to develop this kind of expressions in ourselves, for ourselves first which in turn, whenever we share and are in the presence of others creates a possibility to share and nurture a moment, a situation and making of it something more substantial, more ‘living’ for a lack of a better word and this right here is an option that we all have access to cultivate in our day to day living.

All of this has been made possible for me, through myself but with the invaluable support of all the Desteni material and the Desteni I Process, which is truly a life-long set of tools that ‘arm’ you quite well to be able to not only recreate our lives but also be able to uncover our individual expressions that exist as a potential in all of us to develop and expand ourselves from.

Thanks for reading

 

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