Category Archives: Self Forgiveness

639. Reconciling with the Artistic Expression In Me

 

It’s been a while since I shared a blog. I’ve been on a ‘writing diet’ where I write at least 3 pages on a daily basis in my personal diary or notebook which is something I begun as part of a process I’m embarking myself on to reconcile myself – yes, once again and yes embracing the process – with my artistic side or artistic interests which I’ve been basically focusing on investigating and aligning throughout these past months. I’ve been realizing some of the most ‘shady’ aspects that I’ve allowed to get in the way of me continuing to express myself and I decided to write self forgiveness on these points along with some realizations and share them, since I’m aware many can be at a similar situation with any given aspect in their lives too.  

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize I created a sense of being unworthy when it comes to expressing myself through creative means simply because of being told that no one would buy that, no one would like that and that I had to do stuff that most people liked in order to be paid for it, which then became a way to constantly create a hellish experience within me while creating, having to satisfy these invisible people that I believed I had to please and within that, causing that split within me where expressing myself in a more intimate and unconditional way – as it was in the beginning when I started – became a thing of the past and I then had to ‘use my skills’ to ‘be bought’ by others, and in doing so eventually wanting to once again distance myself from doing anything creatively.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold a negative experience to the idea of my work being valued in a certain amount of money where I’ve judged such amount of money as ridiculous and just not worth the ‘thing’ that I created, which I then believed was something good or positive but slowly with time I allowed that notion to sabotage me from continuing to create because I then would be having to ‘think in money terms’ when creating, which became a departure from myself – because art for me was not intended to be a ‘product’ but it was a very personal, unconditional and dare I say innocent form of expression with and for myself that I then allowed to be influenced on ‘why I do it’ and ‘what kind of stuff’ I should do, missing out the point of it which has always and should always be Me and the process I’ve been walking, which is what any form of expression for me is really about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a silent inner war in relation to art and monetary value where I slowly but surely sabotaged myself from creating anything as a way to not have to see it as a product – instead of seeing that I could have simply realized that I was  attaching some monetary values to something that should be first of all a point of self-expression and communication, where an economic value would come only if and when I would decide to offer it for selling it and only when and if there could be any potential person interested in buying it, therefore leaving all of that as a secondary purpose to it, not ever forgetting that my main purpose and value is for myself, for my own satisfaction, expression and enjoyment – otherwise I now see I corrupt myself by thinking in ‘money terms’ other than me expressing me and sharing unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the moment that there was a struggle in my head because of having others’ opinions, views or expectations of ‘what I need to create’ I should have stopped and not allow myself to go there, since that is not the reason why I signed up to do anything creative in the first place, I did it as a point of curiosity and exploration for myself, to communicate myself with myself and then it became something I would have to do as a profession to be paid for and satisfy others with it, which is not a ‘wrong’ thing to do either, but that’s not where my true passion is for in it.  I totally buried myself under those ‘expectations’ I projected upon myself even when I believed I was doing something ‘for me,’ I would still be having ideas of ‘having others liking it’ in the background and in that, I corrupted my own expression which I see has of course nothing to do with the ghostly voices in my head of ‘others eyes’ on it,  because they were entirely brought up by myself and it then became in a bundle of  fears around it that I now see I used as a justification to not continue doing anything creative for a while.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to many times create a dissonance, a split between ‘what’ I had to do instead of asking myself who do I decide to be and according to that direct myself, because of having fallen on the usual ideas where I would have to choose one thing to become ‘something’ in life– like having a certain title, career or diploma – in order to perform certain tasks which show me the extent to which I have been mostly perpetuating the same kind of labels and boxes wherein we have defined ourselves to be just ‘one thing’ and only be that ‘one thing’ throughout a lifetime, instead of opening up the endless possibilities that are in fact possible if we tap into that source of what and who we really are and so expressing that into any aspect of our lives, regardless of ‘what we do.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to split myself between the idea of supporting others and making that my living purpose and my own natural tendency an d interest on artists and artistic creations as a source of both enjoyment and understanding to me, and in doing so, I ended up creating a division from this natural expression and judging it as selfish, as a waste of time, as shallow or without any consequence in others’ lives, without realizing  that in doing so, I was cutting up, chopping off a part of myself in such judgment process wherein I then created a constant push and pull friction game towards that inclination that emerged from a very young age in me and that I judged later on as frivolous and part of my ego-creation.

I realize currently how yes from a very innocent and instinctive move to paint and draw, I then turned it into a an expectation of making it my profession and then buying into the idea of that having to be my way to ‘climb up the ladder of success’ and feed my ego with dreams and ideals of fame and recognition, where – even though I had the idea of ‘doing so to help to save the world’ – the motivation was still the aggrandizement of my own persona, which is why I then took myself to the opposite side of not wanting to show what I do, not wanting to share it around and judging others that would dare to do so as egotistical or seeking others’ approval, which only stands as my own projection of my own judgments and what I’ve done towards myself, which I realize is a product of tainting my expression with the norms and ways we have created the current system wherein art has also become an industry which is not wrong in itself since it can be considered work itself, but to me art does go beyond the ‘final product’ but I’m definitely more interested in the person that is behind the work of art which is where I see that lies my interest on the artistic field.

I forgive myself  that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to taint my expression with the ideas of ‘what I would have to do’ in order to sell or in order to have other people like what I do, which I realized has been a rather painful process considering that it doesn’t mean I have to make money out of what I decide to express in a very personal way of communicating with myself, which I can share unconditionally without having to make it ‘fit’ certain market standards or having certain ‘qualities’ which is what I’ve then come to experience an inner conflict with, because my aim is to use art as a way to communicate and to see myself, to understand and learn from myself and enjoy while making it and making that very personal and sacred moment where it’s just me expressing and communicating with myself.

I realize that the moment that I place ‘others’ or ‘the public’ as the ultimate outcome, I distance myself from myself, I move away from that very core point that got me into wanting to create art in the first place and it becomes a job, something I have ‘to do’ for money or to be able to be ‘sellable’ and in that, losing my own essence and shaping myself into whatever I am believing ‘others’ want to see and get from me, which is entirely created in my own mind and as such, there has never been ‘others’ or any form of exigencies, it’s all been me allowing my own judgments and ideas to influence and maim my own creativity over the years .

I realize that the various comments and opinions I got over the years were all standing as expressions of their own views and standards, and to me they represented moments where I would have had to fully stand as my expression – but I didn’t. And that’s why every time I would succumb to certain demands, I would feel a little more lost in it all and ended up feeling meaningless and purposeless – shallow – in the whole process of making anything related to art, even doing any form of indoor decoration because of then tainting it as shallow, superficial or non-substantial or supportive to life itself – defining ‘life’ outside of myself as ‘others’– instead of seeing that I am the source of it and the ultimate end point of it, if it exists in me – and me being part of the whole – there should not exist any limitation to this point of expression that is intended to see ‘what comes out of me’ as an individual, simply to see ‘how I am doing’ and express it in ways that I may not be able to do so through words at times, and so seeing that it has been essential for me to draw and paint things that are just inside of me and come out as an extension of myself, that are devoid of a certain ‘receptor’, which I consider is the actual essence of what any form of art is, an externalization of the creator because of the sheer will of the creator itself to have it happen or just ‘be’ for its own sake.

In my case I have decided to make of that art not something that I ‘have to do’ but something that I can decide to express as part of my self-communication, self-enjoyment, the creation of that me-time that I now know I have to give myself and create for myself since I have shaped my life and time around all of the other doings that I require to do as a way to survive and as a way to relate to others, which simply require a balancing point so that I can in fact give me and create more time to do it and stick to it the same way that I stand in a disciplined and responsible manner to any other responsibility and duty I have.

I realize that If I cut out this limb of mine, this part of me that has continued to be a relevant aspect of my life, I’ll end up feeling forever frustrated for not having had the guts to give myself the time and courage to do it, to make it actually OK and acceptable that I create time for me to continue developing any form of creative expression that satisfies that self-communication and self-understanding beyond the usual self-writings, because that stands as something that can break the mold of what I regularly do on a daily basis and what I dare to say to myself through words only.

I also understand the importance of creativity, it is that ‘creative germ’ that is needed in all of us if we truly want to ‘break the mold’ and create a better world because otherwise, as I’ve seen for myself, we can just fall into the comfort of how things usually are and have been and not having any new things or challenges coming our way and getting too complacent and obedient to whatever we have all collectively come to believe is how ‘we should live our lives.’ And I know that it takes courage and a real sense of authority and will to decide to not fall into such expectations and categories and live differently, which then doesn’t become a constant ‘against the flow’ rebellious type of process as I used to do it before, but it becomes simply living the realization that this is the actuality of myself that is no longer seeking to be liked, appreciated or conform or fit in, but embraces that individuality devoid of judgment and expectations, and simply decides to get back in tune with myself, to be ‘here’ rather than seeking to be somewhere else or be accepted by others here or there.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to maim my own authenticity whenever I allowed others’ comments, opinions – or the lack thereof – about what I do creatively to affect and define the way that I relate to my works of art, where I then stepped into the realm of valuing opinions and judgments and forgot to look at myself, asking myself why is this important or relevant for me to do, what it means to me and why it satisfies me or not to do it.  

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become too concerned with monetary values and I realize that it is not about saying that selling my art is wrong or an act of self-interest, but that should come as a byproduct of me first standing fully in absolute congruence with my creation, where I can be sure there isn’t any noise implied in its creation while having thoughts about possibly selling it or thinking what colors would be liked more by ‘the majority’ of people, or what kind of stuff would be ‘easy to appreciate and like’ and hang on a wall or have around – and instead focus on simply being me, expressing me because I can see how I have been living that within myself and I have stood up when realizing I’m about to enter into a ‘shaping’ process that doesn’t respect me – but I haven’t done that with my own artistic expression.

I realize how easy it is for me to get into that shady space of not sharing or showing myself, all having to do with holding ideas about ‘who I am and have been’ in relation to a particular ‘personality system’ of having been placed in the spotlight at a certain time in my life, creating and building expectations upon myself that I then couldn’t fulfill because they, of course, came from a place of separation, of arrogance, of superiority and idealism that can’t be in fact satisfied because it’s not coming from the truth of who I am and who I want to be.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me according to people’s opinions and values given towards me, where they all in fact felt phony to me ever since being a child and receiving accolades, it became a great nuisance to be told all of these good things and being praised where I eventually wanted to ‘not be singled out’ and hide in the background, to not stand out and in doing so,  I ended up diminishing myself because of having created a negative experience to being the source of opinions and critics, even if they were favorable, it seemed unfair and unreal for me to be able to define someone based on numeric characters or only a few characteristics that were ‘worthy’ within a particular system, like in schools.

That’s also why I wanted to do something that could enable me to see myself outside of values and titles that we are supposed to get in society, that define ‘who we are’ and that’s why I started doing what I did within an artistic expression – that I later on ‘vandalized’ with adding all kinds of judgments, opinions  and expectations to it and I perverted it and turned it into just another ‘thing’ that one ‘does’ in the ‘system’ and that’s it, it’s like taking the life out of myself by turning that which was once very personal and unconditional and a point of enjoyment to me and turning it into a show ‘for others’ and to find ‘my value and worth’ in society, which I then failed to do as I should, because it would have led me down to another rabbit hole if I had been successful at that.

I also realize that it’s not that ‘others’ are the problem in fact, since they are me. In any case each person stands as a good mirror where I can look back at myself and see what I can learn from it to either expand  myself or try out new things, without any longer seeking to be liked, accepted, valued or appreciated that way, because I realize that such values are in fact standing only in the eye of the mind and can only serve a way to ‘see’ things, but it’s only me that will ultimately know WHO I am behind WHAT I decide to do, whatever it is.

I realize that we lose ourselves many times in the eyes of others and allow ourselves to get quietly and deeply hurt and don’t dare to speak it out in the moment, because of fearing to come through as sensitive or immature – but opening up about those aspects that were impactful for us is the first point, to realize that many times there have been assumptions, misunderstandings and a general projection of who each person is in relation to their opinions and comments. I realize that I also have been able to consider certain constructive aspects from what others say about my work, but even with that, I realize I have to define what I will accept and allow as feedback and what I won’t because to me, artistic expression is that one sacred place where no others’ ‘laws’ or ‘ways’ apply and where I can in fact transcend myself and my limited views, beliefs and morals. I desecrate that space, that part of myself every time that I use someone else’s words as a reason or justification of why I should do something a certain way or why I should just give up trying to do anything creative.

I also realize that in my mind I have been the only one that has decided to give such amount of focus and attention to what others may or may not say – critically and constructively – and that I am the only one that can allow that to affect me in a negative or emotional way.  I realize that as one goes strengthening that sense of self-worth, self appreciation and being congruent with the expression of ‘who I am’ and ‘who I decide to be’ and what I focus on continuing to create and express no matter what may come my way, it should not change who I decide to be in that expression.

I can use the feedback  to make myself grow and expand and consider other perspectives, but reacting negatively towards it is entirely a self-created decision that I now realize I have the total capacity to work through and release myself from, which can leave me with a better understanding of who the other person is in their words and their way of seeing things and their relationship to what I do, but ultimately to not take it personally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to compare my own expression, the unique actions and movements and expressions that I have to any other human beings’, which has led me within a never ending unfulfilled experience where I became the outflow of my own judgments and allowing that to maim my creative expression by giving up on it.

I realize we all – each one of us – is part of the whole that expresses in a unique way, which doesn’t make it more or less than or ‘better’ or ‘worse’ than – it is about embracing the multiplicity and learning to see it as that unique expression that it is, where I realize that I have made and turned myself into my own worst enemy when constantly deciding what is ‘good’ or not in my own eyes and then ending up projecting those judgments towards my own creations, which results in self-sabotage.

Currently I realize looking back how what I’ve done just IS and they are all testimonies and registry of the various phases in my life that I don’t have to feel ashamed of, since they were a relevant and important aspect of who I was at the time, a part of me, a reflection of me in that space and time and if I don’t embrace and accept myself and decide that such expression had its right to be at the time and represent me, who else will? No one.

I realize that my curiosity and general inclination towards some artistic expressions like music and visual arts have been a form of food for my beingness, which at some point I tried to simply distance myself from within the belief that they were just distractions or my own way to ‘escape’ from my reality. And I realize that at times, it might have been so in the past, but I surely realize that is not my starting point at the moment but the other way around.

I now see the potential in art and artists as part of what’s worth living for in this world, because I’ve gone from loathing humanity to appreciating every person that I get to know more about and seeing a lot of valuable things that I can learn from which I’ve come to do through watching documentaries, reading about artists lives and any creative genius, which I ultimately see as one of the reasons why I want to continue being me and developing my expression,  not only to support others but to get to contribute back in the ‘creative pool’ from where I’ve been nurturing myself from as well, because that’s how I’ve gotten to appreciate the life that is in each one of us and that manifests in all of these multiple ways that are worth getting to see and appreciate for who and what they are.

My starting point is not to feel ‘original’ since we are ALL original since we all come from the same and one origin point that we all express in a variety of ways that actually makes this life worth living and so, it’s absolutely worth getting to know one another and getting to connect with those that may be walking a similar path and living purpose to the one I have, which I’ve seen is quite feasible as well.

My current starting point to develop myself in relation to any form of artistic creation and developing communication and comradeship with fellow artists is because it’s proven to me how this particular sector of people in the world that, according to how I see it, dares to live ‘outside of the norm’ within their minds and so in their lives and dare to share that in any way that reflects their inside world, that reflects their particular inner experience are the front runners of changing the way life is lived and how new structures and ways can be created that benefit more of humanity and life in general.

 I’ve seen how easy it is to connect to that same common sensical level with people that are working or have experience in any cultural or artistic field, we just can click in one moment because there’s that same or similar understanding of who we really are and what’s worth working and living for in this life.

I was discussing with my friend about art in itself and it got me to think how I don’t have a particular fondness for certain works of art based on taste, but I surely get to appreciate the ‘who’ is behind that work that got to master themselves to put in the practice, effort, dedication and willingness to do something that perhaps was completely ‘out of their norm’ and did what they had to do in order to get it out of themselves and manifest it as a creation in reality; some others might have done it from a more natural talent that they just could effortlessly express, but in either case, there is a willingness to express and to me that is implying that there is an awareness of the creative potential we all have and can use to benefit our lives. How?

To me it is a primordial and basic point of nurturing your being, of expressing and so sharing it if one’s up for it. They are all bits and ways in which we go stepping out of the ‘usual patterns’ and dare to cross our own limitations and in sharing them, we assist others to do so as well. I also had to let go of the ideas of wanting to share or inspire others or wanting it to be ‘seen’ or ‘liked’ by others. It’s very similar to this process and writing where, whenever I place myself in a position of wanting to ‘share with others’ I miss out myself as being my own point, my own source, my own end of such creation. So now, If I find it supportive, then sharing becomes simply an extension of that self-support being in fact something that I see could benefit others because it is benefitting me.

This is where I can decide to own me and my every step of the way in my own creation, which I also relate to the way I’ve been able to own my decisions and choices in life and all the mistakes I’ve made, because they now make me who I am and I can look back and see that they are all part of the building blocks that I can now constructively use as part of the experience that makes me who I am today that may become stories of support to share to others as a way to learn from my own doings and wrongdoings and get to express the better version of ourselves.

 

Thanks for reading

I absolutely recommend listening to this series to anyone that’s interested in this kind of topics and specifically feeling meaningless, purposeless or feeling like there’s something yet to satisfy within oneself as a living purpose


  1. Meaningless: The Undefined Self – Atlanteans – Part 346

  2. Meaningless: Searching for Meaning – Atlanteans – Part 347
  3. Meaningless: Redefinition – Atlanteans – Part 348
  4. Meaningless: Self Forgiveness Challenge – Atlanteans – Part 349
  5. Meaningless: Standing as a Self Directive Principle – Atlanteans – Part 350
  6. Meaningless: Giving Yourself Meaning – Atlanteans – Part 351
  7. Meaningless: Fulfillment – Atlanteans – Part 352

  8. Meaning: Finding Meaning in a Cruel World – Atlanteans – Part 353

 

Losing My Limb

 

Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty

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638. A Redefined Spirituality

 

 The following is inspired by the writings of a life  colleague –  as I am now deciding to define him – who shared a lengthy letter to me as a response to something that I wrote him in an intent to assist in seeing the blueprint of the points that I consider were veiling him from seeing through the steps to get back into an ownership of his self creation and self awareness,  which he has walked in his very own set of paths of ways – but interestingly enough, we have found each other having the same intent and purpose in our lives which we will be joining in an common project where we can share more of our personal experiences and processes with many more that might find themselves in the same kind of ‘holes’ in our creative processes that we have both acknowledged having been limited by in our creative paths of inner and outer creations.  

To give some context to this self forgiveness, this is a reflection of what I see of myself in his words and speaks to anyone that can identify themselves with being ‘a seeker’ or someone that seeks meaning to one’s own existence, to one’s own creation in many ways and paths and if not getting to live their potential, it becomes a source of emotional and detrimental experiences such as falling generally ‘ill’ in the form of lacking direction and purpose, being stagnant in expression, losing sight of the ‘bigger picture’ in life, being veiled by emotions such as dread, depression, sadness, despair and in a way blaming everyone else that doesn’t seem to care for life and the world as oneself as the source for our own apathy and frustration, not realizing we are ‘it’ ourselves too in living out that character of disempowerment and helplessness and victimization.

 To sum up, it reminded me a lot of the path that I’ve also walked and that it’s still part of me and I have not forgotten it, I just have in a way stepped out of the cocoon and see things quite differently now, but it is as if I am embarking myself in this new project and walking with him in this project in this phase of my life because our will was mightier than the limitations that we many times fell into, and I’m genuinely glad and happy to see him slowly but surely realizing these things and taking on his creative path again, which I recognize that I have to do myself in my own self imposed limitations as well, and it’s great to have someone to walk such path with, someone that understands the seemingly ‘similar’ kind of patterns that some of us ‘creative’ people go through, but many often give up half way and get lost in the midst of ‘the fog’ and don’t persevere enough to see through the illusions to remain ‘with the finger in line’ as he says, living one’s expression and will, despite the nature of everything and everyone around us as it currently exists, but being courageous enough to understand things at a deeper level and hold that little flame alive within us no matter what, and let each other know ‘hey I am here, I understand, I walk with, let’s work together’ which is quite priceless and unique to find seemingly ‘out of nowhere’ and here is to say as well that coincidences don’t exist, only what we determine ourselves to be and do which eventually takes us to where we need to be to fulfill that which we set ourselves to live.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep quiet and wait for someone else to make the decisions of what I should be and do and within that, diminishing bit by bit my determination to express and take responsibility for the decisions that I make and what I live in my life, which I realize diminished my ability to live me and bit by bit dried the flow of the abundant river that I have always been aware exists as me, as the life that I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect myself into experiences of despair and arguing for my limitations in neglect cultivating my own confidence and stance that has always been here as myself, it just got clouded by the emotions that became the comfortable way to justify not living the potential of who I really am as life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of my mind my own obstacle that created shame, anger, despair, uncertainty and sadness which I realize is the way in which I now realize are the ingredients to create resistance,  which my mind creates in greed of energy and in allowing that, I stepped further and further away from actually getting to do what I know and have always been aware of is the truth of my being, what I can and need to direct myself to be, live and express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a comfort zone in remaining skeptical and not want to intervene in my own life in order to not have to take responsibility for myself, not realizing that this seemingly ‘comfortable zone’ led me to sink deeper in a hole where I alienated myself from my own wholeness, from my own power as the capacity to direct myself, to intervene in my own life, to decide to change if something wasn’t working anymore, to innovate in the way that I can decide to live me and within that acknowledging the work, dedication, consistency and will that it will require to create and live myself as the best that I can be. That’s what self-creation is all about.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be-lie-ve the statement ‘nothing really matters’ as a way to avoid myself in taking action in all the things that I knew I had to take action on in my life to be and become the better version of myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have been in great thirst of knowledge and information in an attempt to find a way to change the way that I am and how I see and understand life, not realizing how I only inflated my mind with it, but I wasn’t really learning and applying how to really nurture my soul and being in the daily actions, words and habits that I realize I have to take action on in order to live the best of myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately over complicate myself with theories, ideas, beliefs and philosophies which I realize may assist in our paths, but can also create new excuses where we miss out the common sense that always exists within ourselves, we just have to decide to let go of wanting to ‘seek out there’ and instead start getting to ‘what’s inside of me’ and write myself to see who I really am, what I really want to do, defining my purpose, defining my drive and take the first steps to do so in my reality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I know many things but not really getting to understand the steps, the process it takes to interiorize, to integrate, to live the awareness of the things I realized in my life. I realize it takes actual change, work and effort to live the words that I get through realizations.

I forgive myself that I had not accepted and allowed myself to realize how ‘realizing’ and understanding something invariably leads to the next step which is to take action on it, to not only be infatuated in an enlightening idea or momentary experience, but to embrace and direct that impetus to create the actual change in space and time and take the necessary steps to do so in order to honor the path that took me to get to realize, see and understand what I now see, realize and understand.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allow myself to define me and allow myself to be dictated by the construct and concept of time, by the illusion of having to remain ‘current’ according to that abstraction which time is – which we have created in means to control ourselves. I realize we create time, we decide how we live time in this reality, but I no longer allow myself to be dictated by it and what I should feel or experience according to the idea I have around it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to isolate myself in a bottle of complexities where I believed no one else cared, no one would understand or listen and in that, miss out the many opportunities to connect , share and get to know others, because of becoming my own living judgment of seeing everything as ‘lost and pointless’ and not seeing that in doing so, I wasn’t getting anywhere else but became more detached from myself, from my own reality and from getting to understand ‘the other’ as myself too.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become lazy and apathetic to continue discovering the wonders of who we are and can be and become, and instead to become sad at the apathy I saw in others, not realizing that in doing so, I became equal to what I was only seeing in them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the epitome of hope in despair, where I gave myself up in the wait for something or someone else to show me the way, to tell me what to do and not take responsibility to be my own director, my own guide, my own master that is self-created – not following, not taught, but simply learning from others’ experiences and making them my own by testing them out to see if they work or not.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the idea of lack as an excuse and as a determining factor of my being where I placed myself into a survival mode  that turned me into a selfish and ruthless being, becoming fearful, anxious and angry at myself for knowing that this ‘lack’ is entirely self created and that no one else is doing this to myself, but me.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not give me the gift of Understanding another, because I realize that I can’t hate another if I understand how we all have created this in separation of who we really are as life. I now realize that Understanding is one of the most profound and liberating gifts we can give to ourselves.

I forgive myself as everyone else in our weaknesses and fractured beingness because as big as the weaknesses and fractures are, these cannot override the virtues that we actually are and can develop as the new nature of our being. This is self-creation, it is not born from perfection, but from the decision to overcome the complexities, the falls, the mistakes, the wrongdoings, the self-neglect.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to neglect the dedication it requires to get to understand how we function in our minds and our being, because that in itself reveals our truth and as such, it becomes the most useful thing to do and dedicate our lives to cultivate.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not continue cultivating my own understanding to direct and create my own healing process and within that, cultivate my own self-awareness,  to no longer be defined and limited by survival in this world as a justification to not live the wholeness of myself in  my day to day and in every moment of breath.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to redefine spirituality as a sincere and grounded way to define and create my own being, to create the habits and methods to continue developing my self-awareness in every moment of my existence, to be in contact with my being, my body and to create an awareness of the effect that my thoughts, words and deeds create in my reality. I realize I can do this without the need of crystalized dogmas and instead can be lived by a simple and consistent dedication in developing these supportive habits of being in contact with myself and taking full ownership of my capacity to define, reinvent, innovate and reconstruct myself, because no one else can do this for me, but myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live determination and do the hard work that it takes to live this process of creating my own life and self awareness, because I realize it requires courage and determination and I believed myself to be devoid of these. Now I realize we all have what is needed, that we all can live these words and that’s the living faith in which I decide to live in, to be the driving force of my capacity, will and determination to do that which I know and realize are the building blocks to the creation of who I really want to be as the expression of the wholeness that I go creating and expressing in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having been ashamed in being the one that is not following the same path as everyone else, but instead decided  to swim against the flow, going into the opposite direction while everyone seemed to not care or see where they are being led to.  Now I realize, see and understand that this very will, determination and decision to keep going ‘against all odds’ got me to where I am today, where I now open my eyes to see that there is no shame at all in living my own truth even if no one seemed to care or understand, because it’s not about others but about my own decision to live me, to express that care, that love which is sufficient to live the truth of who I am.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give up many times in the many creative ways that I pursued at some point in my life, not realizing that I can work things, that I can implement changes and innovate in my life to keep that living flame alive even if it only seems to lighten up my own face. I realize that this is what living me and expressing me means, to do it because of myself and for nothing and no one else other than the expression of the potential that is unleashed when one decides to live unconditionally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret the perceived’ wasted time’ when I neglected the essentially creative capacity that I am and that I have. I now realize that such ‘wasted time’ was part of the process and the many roads that have led me to be and become who I am here, that I can start where I am – in every moment, in every new breath – and to realize that in any moment, I can only be the one that drives me or becomes my own worst-enemy and limitation to do this as an expression of myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that frustration is a symptom of the incomprehension of my own self movement, and that stagnation is no more than the nature of all sickness that manifests when I don’t allow myself to flow and be the water that flows, that reclaims its natural will to express, to flow, to be, to adapt, to move and embody the realization that its movement never ceases, because I’m not defined by a measure of time – I embrace the creation of the potential that I decide to live and cultivate as the everlasting self that always remains here, just like the water in the world.

I forgive myself for living out my weaknesses and for allowing them to affect others in their own lives. I now decide to work on the changes, the habits, the actions that will turn them into actual strengths.

I realize that I can only get through in my life if I place my own faith back on myself as the recognition of my capacity to change my reality and the outcome of my life through the work that I can dedicate myself to do every day in order to honor the wholeness of my being, to no longer be trapped in the experience of lack and all its unfulfilled concepts that I had allowed myself to believe and be enslaved by.

I now take ownership of my own discipline and self-creation moved by the love that I realize I can express in my work and the enjoyment that I imprint on it and on myself in doing so.  I commit myself to become the author and creator of all of this that celebrates the manifestation of what and who I realize I really am at a fundamental and existential level as life itself.

I understand and realize that time is only a measure of earthly oxidation, however even if I deteriorate, it does not define my stance and who I am as I keep my finger at it, becoming and living the drive that has got me to where I am here today, because no matter what: I remain current.

I decide to trust myself in my decisions, my actions, the paths that I decide to walk, embrace the ups and downs it may entail because I decide to trust myself in being able to learn from it and expand my expression through that, because I realize that that’s what living life is all about.

 

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Join in if you want to start walking your own process of defining your Self-Honesty


595. All that Could Have Been…

Or walking through and identifying an experience of regret through self-forgiveness

So, as I was watching a video today on Facebook from Leila at the Desteni farm, I saw that I had this knot in my throat forming – emotional experience – because of how much I have appreciated her throughout all of these years and the bond that I created with her at the time when I lived at the farm for a year.

And then, I went into thinking once again how my life could have been if I had gone there, how I could be sharing my own video about ‘deciding to be there’ as I am also seeing others are taking that opportunity and living it, and so the ‘inevitable’ came up which is realizing a form of regret from not having made that decision in my life to live there even though I said many times to everyone ‘I would’ and how this has also been more ‘latent’ these past days for various reasons and situations, which has become a point that has been lingering literally in the back of my head and going into feeling sorry for myself, my decisions, feeling ashamed for ‘the decisions I made’ and in a way entertaining too much of this ‘what could have happened if’ which is definitely not a supportive thing to do at all and so here I share self-forgiveness on it, because I see this is a ‘biggie’ that I’ve held on to for so many years in my life, kind of trying to ‘stick to my decision’ and justify it in many ways.

But I deep down within me know as well what were all the reasons, ideas, justifications behind it all and come now to terms to ‘who I was’ back then and as such why I made the decisions I made ‘back then’ and within that, realize that I just wasn’t ‘who I am now’ back then to make a different decision, to see and assess things differently and so embrace the ‘flaws’ and ‘mistakes’ that I believe I have made in terms of deciding things in my life before – it is part of walking through regret and learning to let go of it, which is a process that comes mostly through forgiving myself for it and walking it practically in every moment that I see myself wanting to go into the ‘mental torturing chamber’ of ‘what ifs’ and ‘all that could have been’ –

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret my decision to create and develop a particular relationship in my life instead of having taken the opportunity to go to the farm and live there and develop myself there, all within the idea, reason and excuse that I could make a difference in someone’s life, which upon seeing that there was no difference made in fact, I then have allowed myself to go into an idea of ‘time was wasted’ when in fact, I have to remind myself that I was very much there all the way through in that decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold on to this idea of ‘the past’ and ‘what I could have been and done’ as something that I compare myself to whenever I see the lives of people at the farm, instead of realizing how it is not supportive at all to be doing this to myself, to be holding myself captive to my decisions in the past and now seeing it all through remorse from ‘who I currently am’ looking at all the reasons why my decision ‘back then’ was flawed, instead of realizing that who I was ‘back then ‘ was existent in a particular context, timeframe, a particular experience that I had which I used as a reason, excuse and justification to make certain decisions in my life, which I have to here actually self-forgive for and let go completely of ‘all that could have been’ idea about myself, my life and my outcomes.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having created a relationship within the expectation of being able to have an impact in someone’s life and upon seeing such ‘expectation’ simply not happening, not being ‘fulfilled’ going into a sense of ‘losing time/wasting time/wasting resources’ and ‘wasting my life’ within such relationship, instead of realizing how it was in fact something I decided to do and was very certain of within myself at the time, which indicates that I have to learn how to ‘look back’ and see ‘who I was’ within it all in the context that it existed ‘at that time,’ because I am realizing how torturing it can be to want to see things ‘back then’ from who I currently am and in doing so wanting to change my decisions and go into these ‘potential scenarios’ of ‘what could have happened IF’ I had done this/that,  instead of learning to truly embrace and accept my decisions and stop judging myself for them.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for the decisions I made a couple of years ago based on ‘who I currently am’ and how I am seeing myself, my life, my decisions, my potential currently which is certainly not the same as ‘who I was’ back then when I was there all the way making such changes and decisions in my life, therefore this is a point of me coming to terms with what I’ve decided to do or not do in my life and embrace what I did decide to do and create, and embrace its failures, mistakes, fallouts and turning points, because that is also what I see has had a ‘hold’ of me in terms of becoming comfortable with mistakes, but at the same time still holding on to a ‘what could have been’ which is in essence a very unnecessary way of tormenting myself within playing out these different scenarios of ‘what could have happened IF’ I had made this or that decision – instead, I have to completely take a deep breath, let go of that past and instead focus on what’s here for me to be, do, expand and create in my life – otherwise I’d be enslaving myself to ‘the past’ and spending my time feeling sorry about myself and my decisions, my perceived ‘failures’ and ‘mistakes’ instead of realizing how much I have also learned from that, including the first hand realization of what happens when I place myself in a ‘secondary position’ within the creation of a relationship and focusing on ‘doing it for the benefit of another’ which is again, not having a clear starting point within myself.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself for having created a relationship with a starting point of commiseration, which in fact does not reveal feeling ‘pity’ about another and their life and desiring to ‘make it all better for them only’ but rather  realizing that I was in fact as a starting point feeling pity about myself, about my life and how in doing so, I decided to create something within a flawed starting point resulting in an outcome that could obviously not stand ‘the test of time’ because of not having an equal relationship of self support in it, which I have come to accept and realize – though here for me, it is specifically about not seeing that whole creation point as ‘wasted time’ where I could have been doing other things, because the reality is that at that time I wasn’t seeing my life, my reality, my capacity and what I really want to live and do in my life as clearly as I consider I see it currently – which is part of also being considerate towards myself and not judge me for ‘the decisions I made’ in the past, or judge myself as being ‘too blind’ to see reality and then judge myself for the decisions made and the ‘failing’ outflows of such decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have avoided seeing my past relationship as a ‘failure’ due to seeing the word ‘failure’ as something that I would have avoided having in my life, instead of realizing how it’s actually a part of life, living, learning by making mistakes, taking ‘the wrong turn’ and making my way back to square one which does not only happen in relationships or over long periods of time, but it is something that I am prone to create in my day to day basis and as such I can only focus on identifying the ‘failure’ as a point to change and commit myself to do walking the correction, learning from it, but no longer judging myself for it.

Here I realize that I am the only one that has judged me all the way through in a very suppressed manner, which I have to now open up and come to terms with, because I definitely keep myself in a cage within this regret to ‘what I’ve done’ and ‘the choices I made’ within a certain phase in my life which is creating currently a ‘noise’ within me that is still causing me to not be entirely clear, accepting and embracing of myself, my current reality, my current decisions and point of self-creation, because of still in a very subtle way holding on to this ‘all that could have been different IF’ this/that decision in my life had been different.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of pride within me to apparently be very aware of my decisions made, be very considerate of ‘who I was’ when I made the decisions and who I am currently in it – though in that not really looking at how I was still holding on a relationship to this ‘parallel life potential’ that I ‘could have developed’ if I had decided to for example go to the farm and develop myself there and how I have experienced a regret for not doing so and going into statements of ‘I really didn’t want to go there in fact’ when the reality is that any point of preference, dislike or ‘not wanting to’ is based on fears, limitations and not really wanting to be challenged in ways that I know I was challenged by when living there for a year, so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel regret for having made decisions in my life based on wanting to remain in a particular comfort zone and/or deciding to instead create a relationship wherein  my starting point was ‘wanting to change another/wanting to be ‘that change’ for another or in another’s life, instead of placing the focus on me first, what I really want for myself – though, here also realizing that I didn’t really ‘know’ exactly what I wanted or more like I didn’t dare to actually write it out and actively create it for myself back then, I was more within a position of ‘settling with the least’ in a way within me, which I manifested and lived out for some time until consequence – gladly so – hit the fan and I was able to wake up and start looking at what I had set up myself for.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed for the decisions I made, for who I became in the decisions made within again this starting point of ‘who I was in the past’ instead of realizing that I have to embrace, accept that nature of me at the time and that it is still a part of me that I have to continue to learn to change, align and embrace as an aspect of myself that I can only now redirect, change, redefine towards a supportive outcome, such as now not settling ‘for the least’ or within a perceived ‘comfort zone,’ but actually embrace and move towards creating a life where I know I can be more challenged, where I can get out of a comfort zone – which doesn’t necessarily mean having to wait to ‘go somewhere else’ but I can start doing so from where I am and how I currently am living.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have created a resistance to going into places like Instagram because of avoiding seeing pictures of people at the farm, all the farm projects and developments and life there because of perceiving that I gave that up as part of my life and that I would become jealous of them having such lifestyle even though I am aware I ‘turned down’ that decision to go there and so this is of course not about ‘others’ and ‘their lives’ or ‘what they publish’ but it all has to do with my relationship of regret, of ‘what ifs’ and ‘all that could have been’ associated with this parallel-life path that I’ve held on to throughout several years now in my mind within this intermittent idea of ‘I should have gone there’ and having gone to live at the farm or not, instead of deciding to embrace my decision and stop creating a comparison of where I am and what I currently am doing with the lives of others.

Comparison can be such a fuckup really, because in that one only focuses on these ‘ideas’ of what others’ lives are like and what ‘my life’ could have been like, instead of focusing on what’s here, what’s in my reality, what I can do and create in it, as is and if there’s something I am not satisfied with then looking at expanding it – it’s entirely up to me and it’s in my hands – so here realizing that the healthiest thing to do is to entirely let go of this idea of ‘I should have gone there’ or ‘I let that opportunity go’ in that particular timeframe in the past, which of course is not ‘here’ any longer and as such, I have to remind myself any time that this ‘I should have gone there’ experience comes up,  that it’s done, it’s not ‘here’ anymore, I let go and focus on my reality within the simplicity of realizing I made such choices, I own my creation and stop wallowing in regret about it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to entertain the belief of ‘being able to turn back time’ and seeing myself making a different choice because I am fully aware of who I was when I made certain decisions in my life and I did say such things to myself as ‘realizing that I am fully aware of my decision’ and being entirely into it at that time, which means that such idea as in ‘going back in time’ is nothing else but a very torturing mental entertainment that has no purpose in my reality.

I have to instead rather make sure I learn from such past, to learn how I made certain decisions within a belief of ‘benefiting others’ or ‘wanting to change others’ instead of focusing entirely on me, my life, what I want to create and co-create with another in the future to come, which is then where I can make sure that I am entirely committing to and agreeing with the path that I decide to walk – and no longer compromise within ideas of ‘benefiting others’ or ‘doing it for others’ in any way anymore, which has actually been quite a constant in my life where I’ve ended up living more ‘for others’ than living my own life fully and along with that create and establish relationships and plans that are equally supportive for all people involved.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having believed that I didn’t know what ‘regret’ was because ‘I was there all the way’ in making certain decisions and choices in my life and being ‘aware’ of that, but I see now that regret in me exists as this ‘holding on to’ the potential ‘what if’ scenario or ‘all that could have been’ different – usually imagined within a positive light – IF I had not taken this/that decision in my life, which is then how regret becomes a torturing mind entertainment that has no value in my current life, and therefore I let go of it within the realization that I can only now reflect on that time in my life, the decisions made and embrace it as part of ‘who I was’ and all its harms and charms at the time, which become experiences I can learn from and stand up from now in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that I had to excuse myself towards others for my decisions made, that I had to ‘leave things clear for them’ only, instead of seeing that in doing so I was only trying to ‘clean up my act’ as a way to justify my decisions because I was the only one existing in a judgment and ultimately a regret about them, which has been opening up lately as I’ve seen people now making the decision to live in the farm which is something that I procrastinated for many years and eventually let go of as a possibility in my life, which I now embrace as my decision and my creation.

Now here not to make me feel better or go into hope, but that is gone, done, can’t go ‘back’ at all to change my mind and my decisions – but who knows also what I can decide to create in a future time and how I can finally ‘face the point’ again, maybe not in the same way I thought I would in the past years, but still as long as I am alive, I decide what kind of doors I open and close and this is the real focus here, being able to embrace my decisions, my past, my doings, my non-doings and stop judging myself for it all, because as I mentioned several times already it becomes torturing, emotional and a waste of breaths that I could be directing to what I truly have to focus on doing now.

So here I commit myself to stop giving into any potential outflows as imaginations of ‘all that could have been’ and ‘all the mistakes I could have prevented in my life’ If I had made this or that decision – I let go of the past while also embracing it as actually a very ‘necessary’ consequence in a way that I am now going through in order to see how far I can take myself when not focusing on ‘myself/my own life’ but more so focusing on ‘wanting to save/change others’ lives’ or ‘wanting to be there for others’ and/or even more so doing so in a form of spite of ‘demonstrating to others that I can care for another that has ‘not been cared for’ by others before’ and in a way realizing that ultimately I only spited myself back within deciding to have such starting point in my life and relationships – what is left to do? I can only forgive myself for it, embrace it, learn from it and let go of it to the point where I can recall ‘what has been,’ as the memories that I have in me and breathe every time any sensation of regret as ‘all that could have been’ idea comes into mind – and in that focus directly back to where I am, who I am, what I can do, be and create here where I’m at.

Ok, checking… empty of this point for now? seems so – therefore I’ll share anything else if it continues to open up as I walk this point real time. This is one of those examples of when we can interact with things even in our ‘computers’ and if we see something ‘moving’, we can take that initiative to investigate, open it up, write it out and in a way clear one’s relationship to the point/thing we saw that we had reacted to.

Thanks for reading !

 

A supportive audio to embrace and walk through one’s ‘backchat’ and learn to self-forgive it, is here:

Who Are You When Challenged – The Future of Awareness – Part 91

 

For more on Self-Forgiveness:


Difficult Moments of Self Forgiveness – Back to Basics

Realization and Forgiveness – Journeys Into the Afterlife – Part 90

Realizations Take Time to Create – Back to Basics

Real Forgiveness vs. Feel Good Forgiveness – Life Review

 

Nostalghia

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


549. Being Physical

Or how to embrace the potential of who we are in our physical body through stopping the participation in our mind’s noise

Continuing from 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

This is the last word that I listed in the blog cited above wherein I started looking at all of the words I had separated myself from and instead approach them seeing ‘who I am’ in relation to all of these words. So far I’ve seen where I have lived words mostly through energy/through the mind or personality systems and instead learning how to substantiate myself with a redefined version of the word, sometimes I’ve been opening up aspects of a word I haven’t lived yet, sometimes realizing how I have in fact been living those words, just not in the energy-based type of experience I perceived that other person to be living out, some other times fine-tuning the meaning of the words in relation to self-support. Overall it has been an enjoyable process of self-discovery and this last word is definitely a key one for me as well.

 

I’ve seen throughout my life as a woman how there has been this tendency to look at males as a source and embodiment of physical stability, being grounded, being solid and structural that I, defined as a woman, perceive myself to lack, wherein I can many times feel that my expression makes me wobbly and that I might be experiencing ‘waves’ within myself while a male seems to be very solid, at peace, quiet and ‘whole’ in their physical bodies. Now this is also not ‘every male’ to be honest, but some males I’ve seen wherein this is something that I can perceive it in how they act, speak, direct and exist from a moment to moment.

 

However, here I have to remind myself how all of this that I am describing is in fact coming from me and my own experiences in relation to this perception of someone ‘being physical,’ because! What I’ve also discovered through actually getting to know males specifically – I’ve seen how this can be more of a portrayal of a controlled-expression founded in suppression, wherein any form of ‘expressiveness’ is linked to ‘being feminine’ therefore ‘weak’ and therefore culturally being associated with a ‘lesser’ experience which is the kind of gender-based crap – sorry for the word but it is what it is – that we’ve collectively accepted and allowed, starting with my perception that it is only males that can be fully physical, structural, grounded and that I as a woman cannot ever  become that.

 

Sure, there are structural and multiple-dimensions to a man and a woman that of course create such distinction based on being one or the other – these I cannot change nor ‘rewire’ myself to ‘be like a man’ because that’s not the point here, but I’m looking at how I can integrate the ability to be physical and debunk that perception of stability, being ‘rock solid’ that many times is only a show for others while in fact, in the inside, one can be very anxious or fearful or experiencing anger that creates such ‘solidity’ more coming through as a tension in itself, etc. So, here it is about not validating appearances or how I can ‘present’ myself towards others, but instead how I can take the word and make it a reality, a substantiation process for me.

 

Being in the physical/being physical is something one hears a lot in this Desteni process where it is about learning to see the relationship that our mind-states have to our physical-bodies and the effect it has upon our body. Therefore part of this process is learning to change the way that we participate in our minds, to be directive in it and stopping the participation in energetic reactions that lead oneself to go into any high or low experience in our bodies.

 

This is definitely something that I can say to a certain extent I’ve been able to work with, which doesn’t mean that experiences don’t come up at all anymore – they absolutely do, and I have been quite aware of how I can ‘layer’ an energetic imprint into my body over repetition, meaning repeating the same fears or emotions in relation to something or someone over time to the point that they get triggered by a simple thought I may have related to that something or someone I’ve attached all of these fears or reactions to, and voilà, there one has a seemingly overwhelming experience that I have created all the way through my own participation in it.

 

This is an empowering realization as well because I am no longer perceiving that these energetic experiences swirling in my solar plexus area are just coming by themselves or get triggered out of ‘nowhere,’ nope, we are the creators of it all the way and fortunately here we have the tools and ways to walk through these reactions in order to embrace our physicality which to me means being in the physical body, breathing, not participating in useless thoughts that lead to fears, reactions, expectations, judgments, opinions, and the rest of things that create a separation towards reality, which then causes us to live more ‘in our minds’ than actually embracing and existing as the physicality of our body, standing equal to everyone and everything in our reality. This is much easier said than done of course.

 

As one gets more in depth into one’s awareness, one can get to see how much we are in fact constantly assessing, judging, constantly having an opinion, a preference about something or someone, how many fears we might be participating on in an underlying manner, how many of our actions are motivated by fears or desires, how much we are constantly living in the past or the future – and the list goes on.

 

So, I am aware of how this might seem overwhelming at first, but the reality here is that we have the actual choice and ability to decide to continue living as these ‘broken records’ with all of those experiences being detonated within ourselves over and over again or, we decide to learn how to stop participation in them through understanding the root and cause of our experiences, which is in essence one of the foundations of walking this Desteni Process and something I’ve been practicing for nine years now, resulting in a great point of self-support for me to the extent that I sometimes get to forget how anxious, how fearful, how insecure or how ‘all over the place’ I once was, and this is also more easily said than done, because it does take dedication, diligence, patience, practice and perseverance to get to a point of physical stability as well, though it is of course completely worth it.

 

So that’s the point for me to look at here, physical stability which interestingly enough I can link it to being at peace within myself which comes through a process of ‘sorting out’ and creating solutions to whatever I am experiencing – therefore being physical, being grounded, being rooted, being anchored, being clear-headed when moving in my reality, when making decisions, when interacting with others becomes a reality.

 

Interestingly enough I’ve been able to improve my ability to ground myself back into the physical in relation to emotions, considering that was one of the ‘biggie’ points in my reality, though I consider I haven’t been as diligent in terms of grounding myself whenever I see that I am ‘elevating’ myself or getting ‘high’ in a particular perceived ‘good’ or positive experience, which interestingly enough I also refrained myself from even opening up because I had considered I didn’t have many of those or was ‘ok’ around that kind of situations. But lately I’ve seen how I can get carried away in moments where I perceive there’s an opening of expression with others and that’s where I’ve usually gone into the comparison – specially with some males – about this whole ‘me the wobbly expressive one’ vs. the sturdy ‘physical’ male, at least as an initial perception.

 

Here I’d like to focus on being physical and rooting myself whenever I am getting ‘carried away’ in a point of interaction with others and suddenly ‘lose my footing’ which involves getting into an energetic high of sorts, that may come through something as talking too much, being louder, laughing a lot and starting to get a jittery sensation in my body. I’ve explained how any energetic experience is not cool for my body, it’s ‘icky’ and sometimes headaches ensue or any other physical discomfort due to the load of ‘stimulation’ I create for myself, so here I’ll walk some self-supportive self-forgiveness to ground these points for myself.

 

I forgive  myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in comparison towards males that I have perceived as solid, stable, peaceful, mild-mannered or ‘refined’ even in their behavior wherein I have seen myself being ‘in awe’ towards such expression, perceiving that I cannot be like that because I tend to be more ‘bubbly’ and so feel ‘wobbly’ within myself, which is an energetic experience in me, therefore I realize that in order to be physical, I have to ground myself back to my body whenever I am first reacting to and comparing myself to males specifically that I’ve defined as ‘peaceful, solid, stable’ and ‘physical’ wherein I’ve created a sense of inferiority towards that which I see only exists as an idea, belief and gender-based experience I’ve separated myself from, because I’ve seen for myself how I can in fact be more stable, grounded, solid and peaceful once that I stop participating in any form of judgment, reaction, opinion, expectation, comparison or belief about myself or about others that invariably leads to a polarity-experience within me towards others, which is the actual cause and source of me going into this ‘high’ or instability.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live equality towards males that I’ve defined as rock solid, physical, stable,  grounded at least from how I perceive them and instead have gone into an inferiority – or in-fear-iority towards them – instead of realizing that I can integrate those words to be lived by myself when in the presence of people that I may perceive as solid, peaceful, stable and physical and being males specifically wherein instead of going into the ‘inferiority’ or perceiving a ‘lack’ within me in relation to how they express themselves, I can remind myself I can live the word physicality as a focus on breathing, on seeing the other person as an equal, on realizing that whatever idea, belief or perception I might create about them being ‘more’ than me exists only as a belief and perception in my mind. It’s not at all about ‘them’ even, but how I’ve programmed myself to react to these words and expressions in separation of myself, therefore

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the words physicality, solidity, stability, grounded and peaceful within me in all contexts, specifically when being interacting/ face to face with people or males that I can perceive as rock solid, immovable, ‘untouchable’ even and perceiving such state of being is ‘unreachable’ for me, instead of seeing that it is actually very much existent already here within and as myself, as my physical body in every moment of breath that I decide to take on and be aware of, and stop participating in whatever idea, belief or perception I may create towards others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate from the experience I’ve seen in cats and perceiving myself more as the playful dog in awe of the stoic cat – lol – where I have also defined my enjoyment and appreciation for cats based on their firm, slow, quiet, stable, precise expression that I’ve also seen as very much being ‘independent’ and all of these being words that I’ve believed I can’t ‘live’ for and as myself, but instead would usually be drawn to or be attracted to people that I perceived to be this way – where I also have to remind myself to not trust my perceptions or what I may ‘pick up’ in another’s expression, because all of it is coming from myself, my frames of reference, my experiences, my perceptions and in no way does this imply that there is a reality to it – because I cannot really be in someone else’s shoes other than through getting to know them and communicate with another to see who they really are behind their presentation and façade and what they are in fact experiencing.

 

Therefore I can only focus on myself and living this word as an expression of me wherein I don’t go making assumptions about others or focusing on others’ experiences and then compare who I am in relation to them, but where I can look at practically practicing being physical in moments where I am tending to go into a comparison of being ‘more or less than’ another in a moment, or where I get nervous in the presence of another seemingly being very stable, at ease and peace with themselves and perceiving that I am ‘at loss’ or ‘in fear’ of that, which creates the unsettling nervousness towards another,

Instead I can remind myself that I can live that solidity, that consistency, that stability and grounded expression whenever I allow myself to take one step back in those moments and simply not jump into the ‘train of thought’ but remain grounded, breathing and learn to observe, to hear another’s words, to slow down within myself so that I can in fact stand equal to my body and therefore as everyone else’s physicality that can be present or around me in a particular moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the belief and experience of feeling unnerved when being in the presence of particular males that I’ve defined as stable, solid, grounded and ‘earthed’ ultimately, believing that they are in control in themselves – and I am not – lol which is in fact an interesting thing to do because if I focus entirely on myself, usually who I am before seeing ‘the other person’ as a trigger point I can be quite calm, stable, solid within me and it’s only upon me participating in an assessment of another person and judging them as ‘superior’ due to appearing grounded, physical, stable and at peace within themselves, that I get into an unnerving experience, I start feeling ‘weak’ and clumsy or extra-expressive at times and this is mostly a reaction, again referencing the playful barking all-over-the-place dog that is jumping around the stoic cat that doesn’t seem to flinch at the dog’s expression. 

 

This is all of course still my perception of the cat being ‘less expressive’ or something like that, I cannot really know what their actual experience is, but I take the visual reference for me to realize I can also practice slowing down within me by not going into an ‘assessment’ of the other person or participating in judgments of how I ‘perceive’ them, but instead focus on myself, not on others, on being stable, grounded, calm, at peace within me when interacting with others, and stopping my judgments towards them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself being ‘at loss’ upon facing and interacting with someone that seems stable, physical, present, calm, at peace within themselves to me, which I can simply use as a reminder to precisely take those words back to myself, to live them in equality – not based on ego, not based on ‘suppressing’ myself or putting up a ‘superior’ front anymore – but based on my ability to breathe through the swelling of energies, to be able to stabilize through becoming aware of the totality of my physical body and so focusing on myself and others at a physical level, who we are as equal beings, who we are in our words, stopping the usual ‘reaction’ within me of ‘compensating’ my perception of being unable to be ‘grounded and stable’ by becoming overtly expressive and instead allow me to be observant, to be calm, to slow down within myself, to focus on my breathing to remind myself of the physicality I also am and take things easily.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to separate myself from the word ‘physicality’ or ‘being physical’ as in being stable, grounded, consistent and defining it as something ‘superior’ to myself, which is only me as the mind perceiving that such words are ‘unreachable’ for me – when in reality they are here already existent in potential within me, I simply have to stop focusing on the ‘superior and inferior’ assessments and focus on the physicality of myself and others in any given moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still unconsciously allow the experience of myself being defined by gender – as in being a woman – and bring through experiences linked to perceiving a male as ‘superior’ to me, wherein I then separate myself from our living-equality and tap into the design, the programming and gender-based roles that we’ve lived for our entire human history.

 

I realize that this is indeed a set of patterns that have been ingrained beyond my awareness, however now that I am aware of it and I understand where this ‘inequality’ between genders comes from, I can assist myself to integrate and embody the words that I had perceived only ‘males’ could live in a natural manner for themselves – such as physicality, stability, grounded, structural, being at peace which are all words I can integrate and live as myself as well, which in turn will assist me in diffusing this gender-based perception I’ve lived out throughout my entire life without having questioned it to this level and specificity before, due to believing that ‘it’s just how things are set-up’ and not going any further than that.

 

Now I realize it’s entirely up to us to see what we accept and allow as limitations, as self-definitions and any other form of polarity that a difference in our physical bodies as human beings – being males and females – has contributed to create within ourselves, while in fact I realize I can live those aspects that I’ve seen mostly in males and integrate them within myself at a being level, beyond being a human physical body defined by a gender – without me falling into the trap of wanting to ‘be like a man’ – it’s not the point either – it’s about being a woman that is no longer separate from the potentials and capabilities of men and women to integrate into my life if I see them as supportive aspects or words to embody and live in my life.

 

For now this is the point I’ll focus on and what’s coming up for me in relation to physicality, but this is by no means the only extent of this word that I’ll be looking at, considering how this is only one aspect, one layer I’m focusing on changing or fine tuning within me, but this word ultimately relates to this whole process from consciousness to life in self-awareness, to living life in the physical, to birthing life in the physical and as one can see it is not as easy as simply ‘stating it,’ but one has to actually go through the ‘deprogramming’ and ‘reprogramming/rewiring’ process through living words and creating new sets of acceptances and allowances to live words that are supportive, that we can develop ourselves further with and in turn this becomes a way to expand in our lives, as life, and continue working on it until it is done.

 

Check out the series Quantum Mind Self Awareness to learn more about the interrelationship of our minds with our physical body

 

Thanks for reading

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


547. How to Live Humbleness

 

 

Today I’ll write some self forgiveness to see what I haven’t yet lived and applied in relation to humbleness and the specific and subtle aspects where I miss out on living this very relevant word for me.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the consideration of every person’s living context, abilities, skills, life experience and the rest of patterns and habits that create who each individual is wherein I can approach each person with a set of eyes that is devoid of taking ‘me/myself’ into consideration only, but learns to see and get to know an individual for who and what they are in their own creation, as an individual that cannot be measured in ‘better’ or ‘worse’ type of values, but an individual that I can learn to approach and get to know through time and developing communication/getting to know a person, and learning to see who they are in the moment – not based on their past, not based on ‘ideas’ I’ve created about others – but entirely focusing on their words, their actions and deeds in the moment wherein I stop comparing ‘who they are’ to any sort of ‘ideal’ I create about myself or others in a certain situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a differentiation between myself and other people based on a perception of skills or abilities – instead of realizing I can in humbleness use my skills, abilities and do whatever I am capable of living and doing in order to assist others if they also want to assist themselves in improving certain skills, supporting themselves in their own life wherein my humbleness approach is then not based on wanting others to develop ‘the same as me’ or ‘become like me’ but it is about me learning to assist another to sculpt themselves, to polish their strengths and strengthen their weaknesses where I can also learn to know an individual for who they are, devoid of ‘more’ or ‘less’/ superior or inferior contexts, but learning to see people the same way that I see trees or parts of nature that I’ve learned to not compare to one another – because that’s a humble approach to life and to us living beings that are worlds in ourselves and cannot be ‘measured’ in any value-system way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself, my life to a set of perceived ‘skills’ only wherein I can instead be humble in realizing that those ways in which I perceived myself as ‘better than’ others are a limitation, because in reality I want to approach people from a genuinely equal stand point wherein I learn to quiet my ‘analyzer-mind’ that tends to quickly judge and ‘gauge’ people, and instead be here hearing what another person has to say, to learn to take in their words, their deeds as who they are in the moment without judgment or appraisal – wherein I can stand equal to them in that moment and simply share myself if I have something to contribute to and if not, be ok with simply being there getting to know an individual.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to live humbleness in my overall approach to people and how I see people where I can use my skills and ways of living and how I can be focused in the details of things and be specific with myself in order to assist others to learn to do the same for others – so that whatever I see is a potential to develop within myself and others can be shared and so instead of me defining myself according to a particular set of skills or abilities, I can use them to assist others and in doing so expand self’s potentials to live in a supportive manner if I see in common sense that is beneficial for everyone involved.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a subtle arrogance and superiority towards people whenever I’ve allowed myself to go into an impatience towards others, instead of realizing I can use my own skills and place them into application to be patient, to be humble, to be considerate of another’s pace in life and process, wherein I then use this skill of being meticulous and detailed in order to get to know others better and continue challenging myself to be able to place myself in their shoes and see how it would be best to assist others as well from their stand point and considering their current ‘views’ and stance, wherein I can apply humbleness as in stopping seeing ‘through my own eyes’ and learn to see from where another is and what they are experiencing because that is what I would like to develop as a skill that it actually becomes an interesting challenge for myself, to be ‘self-less’ when approaching others in the context of getting to know them or being in a context of providing assistance and support towards them.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to use this skill of ‘being aware’ of myself in order to also be more aware of other people, their lives, their context and learn to fully embrace them in who they are without any judgments, without being exigent or over-analyzing others’ situations and experiences, wherein being humble means reminding myself about my own process wherein I know what it is to feel ‘lost’ in my mind and having a perception of seeing ‘no way out’ wherein I can learn to breathe, be stable, relax whenever I am getting frustrated or desperate in relation to seeing repetitive patterns in my life that of others and in consequence of our own reality loops that will continue existing as such until I decide to stop justifying my impatience and reactions towards ‘repetition’, and instead live humbleness as the consideration of each one’s pace and living process which may or may not be like ‘my experience, ‘ but here it is to stop comparing myself to everyone else for once and for all because that’s the real essence of humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how the notion of specialness exists as the core of separation in our minds, because when applying humbleness towards one another, we learn to consider each other’s lives and minds completely without any judgment, without any ‘value’ attached to it as more or less or inferior and superior – and this is the essence of equality of learning to see with a new pair of eyes wherein I can stand next to a person – not above, not below – and learn to see who they are through their words, through their body language, through their presence and be ‘self-less’ in that moment so that I can stop comparing myself to them or creating an idea of ‘who they should be’ in that moment, but learn to see in innocence as if I was there for the first time facing them and their situation.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to see things always as if it was ‘the first time’ that I approach a context or a situation in relation to walking a process with another person, wherein I can let go of the judgments I’ve created towards others and who they are and instead approach them anew, each time, so that I can then learn to approach a person from their current reality, instead of holding a ‘profile’ of another and myself towards them from the past and so recreating the past which is what I have to stop doing in order to embrace the moment, the current reality as is without judgment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an exasperation and impatience towards other people instead of considering that it is not about ‘others’ that I create an experience but about my own relationship to ‘others’ existing as judgments and piled-up experiences that I have to first sort out within myself, wherein I can apply humbleness as a first point of letting go of any assessments and ‘qualifications’ I have tended to project onto others and instead be humble in how I operate within myself, wherein I can learn to see myself in others in whichever phase or context they are in and stop referencing ‘back to myself’ to decide ‘who others are for me’ and instead learn to see ‘who they are’ for what they are and do – and that’s it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to exist as elitism in the past wherein through not wanting to get to know all kinds of people I would in fact limit my ability to get to know and appreciate other humans that are also myself and so I was preventing myself from living equality. Whereas currently that I am more focusing on living this equality, I am able to be more open and initiate conversations with others to get to know them and I do require at the same time to do so in full equality instead of subtly going into the ‘I know better’ or ‘I know what kind of people you are’ wherein this becomes a limitation in that moment, so I have to focus on being detailed, specific and quite diligent in stopping my own assumptions I can create towards people even upon a first conversation and instead learn to see them in innocence, without judgments, without ‘qualifications’ of any kind, but be there as a physical being, not a mind-being.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live arrogance as the set of identification of my ‘intellect’ as something superior to that of others, when in fact this same apparent ‘intellect’ becomes the very set of programming that I have to now debunk within myself in order to learn to truly live the word humbleness which cannot be tied at all with knowledge and information, because being humble means fully approaching something like a child would do, without any perceptions, ideas, beliefs, notions about myself or another – and in this, true equality emerges where I learn to see another individual and myself for who I am in the moment, instead of re-loading the plethora of memories, ideas of myself that I have recreated as a mind-set of patterns that I am aware is not supportive. Therefore I want to approach people in innocence and humbleness wherein I can stop any quick assessment related to values, perceptions, ideas, beliefs and push myself to see myself and others for who they are in the moment, regardless of what went ‘before’ them or myself, and so live in the moment assessing reality, not holding on to ‘who I am’ as the past to approach people in this moment of reality.

 

I realize that living humbleness also means being devoid of definitions as particular perceptions of skills, experiences or ‘beneficial aspects’ within myself because that only exists as a notion in my head, and all that matters in a single moment is not who I am as all of that baggage of knowledge and information or tools I can use, but all that matters is how I stand in a moment in relation to a person, wherein I have to now be very specific in not recreating this pattern of superiority and inferiority that I’ve lived throughout my whole life in a very subtle manner, yet ever present.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be humble towards myself and so as an extension towards others wherein I can learn to see people as physical beings and assess who they are in the moment based on the words in the moment, their actions in the moments and be willing to ‘start anew’ each time with them, wherein I can use memory only as a reference of what I know of them, but not to hold that past against myself or others either, because this is not a humble approach to life, so I can be humble in approaching each one ‘anew’ which is in fact approaching life and others in self-forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I wanted others to ‘see me’ in a different manner as in not placing myself as ‘superior’ or ‘more than’ themselves, but I didn’t realize how I was doing this towards myself and vice versa wherein we create the same patterns of superiority and inferiority in the most subtle ways that we approach one another – therefore I can live humbleness in ensuring that I am being completely equal to another in a moment, without ‘mind interference’  or ‘mind noise’ that judges, that criticizes and the rest of it, but instead be open, vulnerable, humble, considerate and caring in my communication with others, in my reading towards others and in my general interactions with other human beings no matter ‘where’ I get to interact with others or whatever the ‘context’ might be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give any value to intellect as a point of ‘superiority’ when in fact, this is the very thing that cages us in values and perceptions we create towards everything in ‘consciousness terms,’ because life is not knowledge, life is a living and is a ‘blank slate’ approach from a moment to moment – it is only us as consciousness systems and beings that can generate such separation through our minds towards life, therefore I have to learn how to be life and stop the lies as ‘intellect’  – knowledge and information – from being any form of self-definition within me.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the consideration towards others in self-support, instead of having ‘diminished’ myself to experience problems and conflicts in order to be ‘equal’ to others in my past, instead of seeing how I can be a point of support and share towards others how we can be the better version of ourselves and tap into our potential wherein humbleness becomes not only a way to approach others and learn from them and take them ‘as they are’ but also expands into considering our potential, the creation of the better version of ourselves and this I can start doing by sharing myself and this process in itself of how I decide to stop defining me through knowledge and information and instead see how I can practically become a better living being in something as simple as how I approach a person, a set of information, a context, a culture, a conversation with a strange – any and all things are opportunities and points wherein I can learn to apply humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to breathe through reading, listening to another or getting to be part of a conversation with people and learn to see others as their words in the moment, and not ‘hold others captive’ based on who they have been in the past, because living humbleness and consideration means approaching the moment as is without ‘baggage of the past’ – and this is also something to apply to myself of course wherein living in the moment means not reliving the same judgmental patterns within my mind, but be clear, be anew, approach the moment in innocence – yet with the experience of common sense and self-honesty as well.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the application of equality and considering others in placing myself in the shoes of another without the notion that ‘I am doing this to ‘reduce myself’ because that single perception of ‘reducing’ me, is coming from a form of superiority – therefore I realize that placing myself in the shoes of another is a true equal one on one, no more, no less and this I have to be very cautious and aware of when placing it into application.

 

I commit myself to live humbleness as the consideration of my process and every one else’s unique process and position in life wherein I cannot compare myself to anyone nor vice versa, because each individual is unique and having a very particular set of experiences and living conditions that I cannot at all ever cage into a judgment or ‘value’ of sorts – but only consider equality and consider the potential that we can bring out in each other if approaching ourselves in humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to stand as and in the shoes of another, wherein there is no need to try and ‘connect’ but rather to realize I am them as well and I don’t have to connect through a personality with others, but I can learn to see directly who they are through their expression, and so being humble to get to know another for who they are in that moment and so over time without holding another captive to ‘initial or past memories’ created towards them, which are always not about ‘them’ but about how I used my mind to cage another in certain values and experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the understanding of who we are in our minds and so approach each mind, each person, each life without a judgment to it, wherein I can yes still see and understand patterns, see what another is experiencing but without adding it a judgment as a value of that being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’ anymore – but stick to seeing what is possible if one works on developing a potential, such as the process that it takes to develop self-honesty, learning to be ok with seeing the truth of ourselves, our flaws and be willing to be committed to work on those as part of our humble approach to life as well, because this means we have no limitation as well to do something and to give ourselves an opportunity to live.

 

I commit myself to live attention within myself in my interaction with others wherein I can be humble in my approach towards others and embrace them as equals, learn to see them ‘anew’ in a moment and so also be humble within myself to learn and practice what it is to live equality, which is being devoid of the gauging-mindset or set of polarity values that are separate and have no relationship to life – I instead can be living and embodying equality within myself so that I can ensure my approach towards the life in others is seen in innocence and common sense, considering what’s best for myself and them and the context and life itself.

 

I commit myself to learn to approach another person without any judgment of ‘who I am’ in relation to them, but instead be devoid of knowledge and information that defines me as ‘more or less than’ another, but be physical, be attentive in who I am in that moment and so who another or others are in the moment, because that’s the kind of embracing equality and humbleness that I want to live in my life and that I know will simplify the way I relate to myself and others, where there are no more ‘expectations’ or ‘pre-tense’ but simply living in the moment, as life and that’s the way forward for me. J

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


532. Expressing Self-Trust and Confidence

 

§  Continuing from: 531. Redefining Self-Confidence

 

Here I’ll apply self-forgiveness on all the points I wrote out in the previous blogs, in order to tackle my self-created limitations and for once and for all rather see the benefit of owning my creation as my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hesitation, self-doubt and lack of confidence whenever I am having to make decisions on my own and have no one to reference my decisions with, wherein I have gotten used to always being able to have the approval or disapproval of others to then decide to make a particular decision in my life alone – instead of realizing that regardless of what others might say, I am the one that will ultimately live with the outcome of such decision and as such, it is ultimately a point where I have to learn to trust myself, which in this case means learning from making my own decisions, moves and choices and accordingly walk through them, not fearing making mistakes or going ‘the wrong’ way because that’s how I’ve found that I get to then define and fine tune my decisions, my next steps and next choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate what is really behind the hesitation, self doubt or uncertainty before which is in fact a fear of making mistakes, a fear of not really achieving my utmost potential – however I forget that such outcome as ‘best potential’ can only exist through practice, through making many choices, possibly many mistakes and walking many paths to then get to find ‘my expression’ wherein, in fear, I actually don’t get to truly develop myself because of existing mostly in ‘fear’ and as such in a constant limitation that leads me to be in a stifling position, ‘giving up’ in doing something out of giving too much weight on an outcome or the opinions on them, instead of realizing that I am the only one that is able to give weight – or a negative value – to mistakes, to attempts, to apparent ‘failed choices’ – and instead learn from it, stand up and do it all over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others’ opinions and perspectives on my expression in order to keep going or completely use them as a deterrent to stop my expression in certain ways, instead of realizing that a point of expression is to represent who I am in that particular moment with what I want to create, what I want to communicate to others ultimately and as such, there is no ‘right or wrong’ or ‘good or bad’ in it, but only a process of referencing myself, seeing how satisfied or not I am with it, taking myself into consideration and not looking for others’ opinions to decide to continue or not.

I realize that I have been my own worst critic as well so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own worst critic wherein I have defined what I do as not ‘good enough’ when I compare it to what others do/express and so, have allowed myself to use this judgment as a reason to completely give up on something and get into an experience of ‘what’s the use’ – when a point of expression is precisely about practicing, doing it as much as one can until one can create or build a point of self-trust and confidence in it, which I can attest is definitely a process in other aspects of my life, but interestingly enough when it comes to creative expression, it’s like hitting a wall and this is mostly based on others’ feedback that I’ve taken ‘to the heart’, instead of staying true to myself, referencing it with myself first and foremost.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self-doubt when it comes to assessing ‘what to do next’ or ‘what could I change or improve’ wherein the actual fear behind it is ‘fucking it up’ – wrecking it, messing it and so apparently ‘lose out’ an opportunity to have created something that I could be ‘proud of’ – but in reality there is nothing that we can create in ‘one go’ and have it come out ‘perfectly’ at once, and I realize that this ‘perfectionism’ or the idea that I have about what I can be satisfied with can be a huge show-stopper to me if I dare to start over-analyzing everything and then concluding that it is not what I expected, or it wasn’t as I intended – instead of realizing that this is a process of self-creation and self-expression, it takes practice, will take time, will take several tries maybe, but the point is to persevere and not give up ‘trying’ or getting frustrated for not getting a desired outcome.

I realize the practicality of practice and perseverance in this, wherein over time and continuous practice I am aware we can get to be more confident in doing anything – and the same therefore can be created in any point of artistic expression.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give judgments, opinions, positive and negative values to words in relation to any point of artistic expression to the point of using them to validate or disqualify what I do as ‘good enough,’ where deep down I know I can trust myself in what I see, but have ultimately usually veered to get others’ reference and perspectives, which over the years I’ve used as a reason to not keep going, but, this is entirely my own decision, my own process in reality that I cannot blame on anyone’s opinion, because it’s only me that has given it sufficient value/worth to make an opinion more important than what I decide to express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define confidence based on ‘doing something that is unique’ and so ‘special’ and so, whenever I started finding ‘similar work’ to mine, I sank into a pointlessness because of thinking that ‘everyone else is also doing it, so what’s the point?  When in fact, this is when comparison kicks in and so I stop seeing ‘the point’ when in fact, the point is myself, it’s about my expression regardless of what others do or not do or how similar it is.

Ultimately if I would measure anything I do based on how others do it, I’d be in a constant state of ‘giving up’ because ‘everyone else would be doing a lot of the same things I do anyways’ lol – when in fact this is about my expression, my development, my process, even regardless of the ‘final outcome’ but more so focusing on what I go learning about myself in the process as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for example diminish my photographs as something that ‘anyone else could have taken’ or something that ‘everyone nowadays can do with cellphones’ which I used as an excuse to give up on taking photographs based on ‘others already doing it,’ instead of rather realizing each one of those photographs were moments where I was truly focused in my reality and making a decision to capture something, it actually assisted me a lot to pay close attention to my surroundings in a constant manner, which I still enjoy doing yet don’t take photographs any longer because of thinking ‘what’s the point, there’s thousands of pictures with the same thing, nothing new’ where I then doubt myself even with the potential of taking a photograph because ‘others probably already took one similar’ – which again, if I expanded this kind of assessment to anything else, I would be constantly stopping myself from doing anything based on what ‘others have done already.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to doubt myself, become hesitant and ultimately feel ‘incompetent’ in relation to points of self-expression in arts because of going into comparison, believing that there’s nothing ‘special’ in my stuff so why should I bother? But I realize and have seen from others’ examples how people that stick to developing themselves and persist on practicing, eventually get to be quite confident in their creations – and that’s the potential that exists when we don’t stop to compare ourselves to others, but stay true to oneself, to the purpose of the point of creation which is ultimately of self-creation, where the result is only that, an outflow or a consequence of a deeper process that takes place while creating something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be focused on ‘a result’ within my expression, instead of considering the ‘who I am’ throughout the whole process, which ultimately is what is part of my self-creation that I’d like to develop and focus on, every moment’s decision and trusting myself within them, considering it all as a process to learn about myself, to learn about giving ‘shape’ to something and also to take responsibility for my creation where I am the one that is entirely behind it, and not any one else’s opinion or perspective on it – this way, whatever anyone else can say about it is an extra opinion, and not a defining factor that determines anything for me – but can only take it as a point of feedback for sure.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to discourage myself from continuing any point of self-expression based on my own opinions, judgments and expectations standing as self-criticism, that led me to then rather ‘not bother’ at all with it, in spite of how I see that when walking through my own veils of perception, I can actually enjoy doing it and I enjoy seeing ‘me’ in every step of the way and reflect it all back to what I am, where I am and who I am behind that one point of self-creation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have defined confidence in the past based on reassuring or supportive comments made by others whose opinion I deem as important and in some cases having certain authority or superiority over myself, to then decide to continue or not doing something, wherein I then placed my expression, my perseverance in the hands of an opinion, a judgment and a perception – instead of having allowed myself to trust me in continuing to work on it, and stop my own backchat in relation to it, while focusing on the physical process of creation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to covertly blame someone else as the reason why I decided to not play music anymore, wherein I am the one that took another’s words and attitude personally and made it a reason, excuse and justification why I didn’t have to bother anymore with practicing playing music, and instead only focus on doing visual arts – eventually extending my own judgments to anything related to visual arts wherein I then stopped doing any of it at all because of believing how pointless it all is – therefore, there is no one to ‘blame’ for this. This is essentially something I did to myself and so I can only now stand up from it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take an opinion, a judgment, a perception as ‘truth’ – when in fact the truth is who I am in every moment of creating something, the decision I make and their outcome – which means when I decide to stand all the way in every step of the way, that’s where I see I build self-trust and confidence in relation to ‘the outcomes’ because then I am certain that this is something I created for myself, by myself, without any pretense other than expressing who I am, which is where I want to develop my strength as well, instead of taking ‘what I believe others will say’ into consideration, which is not really about ‘others’ then, but about myself not limiting me by all of that. .

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive that ‘I didn’t enjoy making art any longer’ when in fact, it was the series of judgments, perceptions, opinions that I allowed to take precedence over the creation process of me-expressing-myself, and so that’s where it became tiresome, unbearable, causing more ‘stress’ than enjoyment – and it all was because of how much I gave value and worth to judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fear’ not having any other point of reference for my creation, wherein, I believe that I cannot ‘continue’ doing something unless I get any form of feedback from others – and in such situations or contexts it makes sense, but when it comes to artistic expression, it is truly the one point where I am the one with the ultimate and only say, because it is a point of expression that cannot be judged as ‘good or bad’ and this is also why I also started resisting to do anything related to arts, because of how ‘ambiguous’ it would be through my judgmental eyes in terms of being unable to define it as good or not based on ‘others’ perspectives’ but ultimately, this is where I have to be the one that stands through in it all regardless, doing it as my expression, which cannot be ‘contained’ in a few judgments of value.

I commit myself to continue practicing building, consolidating and densifying my ‘confidence’ through artistic expression – and any other point of expression for that matter – where I can learn to trust my decisions, walk a point of self-creation all the way and ultimately ‘own’ my creation regardless of the outcome, learning from it  and trusting myself in my ability to learn and stand up from mistakes, not being afraid to making mistakes but rather reminding myself that’s the way to continue moving forward in any point of creation, to persevere, to be consistent and to not allow judgments, opinions or perceptions about it in my mind to deter me from continuing.

This is then how one gets to be comfortable in doing something, through practice and then ultimately that practice & repetition creates a solidity of it at a physical level, where there is a point of control and flow as well, which means being present, being directive yet not rigid about the outcomes, flowing with it yet being aware of the path all the way – and this is then what I can integrate as a physical expression of self-confidence.

Thanks for reading.

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


528. Hostages of the Past

Or how I’ve been existing in righteousness about the ideas, beliefs, opinions and perceptions towards people that I haven’t seen in a long time yet have dared to create an opinion about ‘who they are’ in their lives – and standing up from the gossipy me.

I listened to this audio interview called Directing Relationships and found it quite supportive considering I had a similar situation recently based on having to explain my past relationship with someone that another person also got to know of and we both had the point in common that our relationship with that person ended up with some kind of discontent on that person’s side so, in a way through this conversation we were seconding our perspectives about that other person being conflictive or ‘the problem.’

However the reality of the point is that I haven’t really talked to this person we were talking about in years and even if our last failed interaction ended up in me being like ‘what did I do that made him get so pissed off?’ I never really made any move to clarify things or haven’t made any decision to get in contact with the person and see where they’re at in their life currently, because ‘I saw no point’ but the reality is that there are judgments there that created such vacuum for me towards that other person.

Based on what I got from this sharing that Sunette recorded in that audio, I got to see how I did participate in a form of gossip in that conversation, where I was caging the person in a definition of who they were over ten years ago and where I last saw them which was almost four years ago, which means: a long time ago already.

I’ve noticed that I’ve actually kept this and many more people in my life in a particular bubble of judgments as all the reasons why I stopped talking to them, why I cut ties with them at the time – this mostly happening some 9 or 8 years ago, which is already quite a long time to even believe that I have a say on ‘who these people are’ currently, because I know for myself that I am certainly not the same person I was 10 years ago and that any idea, belief or perception I’ve kept throughout this whole time about someone being ‘this or that’ without actually talking to them and referencing ‘who they currently are’ ends up being an assumption and yes also a form of gossip where I believe ‘I know’ the person ‘so well,’ but is it, really? Not at all.

And another aspect is that even if I would spend my days with such person currently, I would still not have any authority to have a definitive say about ‘who they really are’ as a person, because it all would still be my perception, my opinion and limited judgment about another.

So I got a very cool wakeup call through this recording where I got to see where I had just precisely done that whole gossiping myself without even having identified it as such to begin with, because I was really certain about my ‘final verdict’ on ‘who this person is currently’ and I was standing in my judge position as if I knew exactly who the person is, not considering the time that has passed and the lack of interaction with them currently.

Therefore, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold people in my past as hostages in my mind, wherein I would only ‘release them’ if I could have any interaction with them where I could define that ‘I am ok towards them again’ and therefore, release all of the judgments of the past, instead of realizing that I am the one that has created this whole hostage situation based on my own judgments and that it is because of those judgments that I would not actually allow myself to approach them currently in my life, even if an opportunity would arise, which I hereby realize I have to change and be willing to be open and approachable if the opportunity arises to see, talk and hang out with these people again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in gossip towards another person that I believe I know ‘so well’ and speak from past memories of who I believed them to be ten years ago, while pretending to know ‘who they currently are’ as if I had an authority over them and have a say on their lives and ‘how they are’ which is not at all so.

Here I realize that what came through are all the judgments that I’ve kept towards that person as a series of reasons and justifications of why I decided to not talk to that person again, wherein I made up a belief in my mind of ‘who they are’ and thus why we are no longer able to get along or talk to each other – this is limiting for myself because I am holding another captive in my mind based on past judgments, which means I am holding myself captive to my own judgments as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have any say about another person that I haven’t had any contact with in years, yet that I’ve held in the exact same position of ten years ago where I last interacted with them sufficiently to say ‘I know them’- when in fact, I currently do not know them, haven’t talked to them at all therefore have no say in ‘where they’re at’ in their life or ‘what they’re all about’ – which means that any judgments and opinions I shared with another person about this person is nothing else but gossip, assumptions, opinions and judgments which I would certainly not want any person to do onto myself, therefore I have to live my own principles and not dare to speak of another out of old memories, experiences and judgments that I’ve held towards another for so long and that I have to take responsibility for within myself, not share my own ‘backchat’ about them with others as ‘the truth of who they are’ which is definitely now who I want to be in conversation with other people.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my opinions and judgments towards another individual because of believing that ‘I know that person so well’ that I am entirely correct in all of my assessments, and therefore it gives me this ‘authority’ to say what I have to say about the person – when in fact, it is actually really daring to say ‘I know someone’ in the totality of who they are even if they were part of my own family or a close relationship, because most of the times we really don’t know a person in their totality and therefore it doesn’t give us any ‘authority’ to speak about them or define them in a set of words that I’ve kept mostly as a reason, justification and excuse to not have to align my relationship towards that person in self-forgiveness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I am right’ in my words and assessment about that person because this is what I’ve told to myself for all of these years to justify keeping that person in a ‘cage’ in my own mind, which I have not even dared to open up and investigate for myself, what the truth and reality of my relationship with that person entailed in my life and the impacts it had  in general, where I do not only look at all the seemingly ‘bad’ but instead I can also now dare to see it and open it up to recognize the aspects that I could take form that person in my own life and benefit from it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep the idea of a person in my head captive, judging them and loading them with ‘all the bad stuff and aspects I could think of’ in order to also make myself belief that ‘there is no value in another person because of all of that’ when in fact, I am the only one that is devaluing myself in keeping judgments like these about another person, even more so when not having kept in contact with them for such a long time which means, I don’t really know the person currently and I have no say in where they’re at in their lives currently.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become an absolutist judge in my head towards people in my past where I ended off relationships because of only focusing on ‘all the bad aspects’ that I saw at the time in them and so in a way giving up ‘on them’ without realizing that I in fact gave up on myself and my ability to learn to see a person for who they are in their totality, with all the pros and cons and not ‘give up’ on someone based on only focusing on the  problems, conflicts or disagreements that we had during a relationship, but instead be willing to also see the supportive and constructive aspects of a person as well, instead of believing that because I am no longer in a relationship with them and haven’t seen them in such a long time, I have a right to diminish and judge them with all my past judgments that were also created and kept from the time where I got to be most radical in myself and very absolutist in nature as well, which in the end has only been a limitation in me to not approach them with clear eyes myself.

Therefore I realize that I’ve kept my own righteousness, absolutism and judgmental perspectives upon people after all of this time based on ideas, beliefs or perceptions that I certainly see do not honor them as beings, nor does it all honor myself as the holder of all of that backchat as opinions, judgments, beliefs about ‘who others are’ which actually do not define them, but define myself as I am the creator and holder of such judgments ‘towards others.’

I hereby commit myself to stop holding others as hostages of the past in my own mind – including myself as well – wherein I have to remind myself that I can only be holding myself captive by those judgments wherein I am the one creating a barrier to not interact with these people anymore or believe that I would not dare to talk to them again, all of it based on memories, ideas, prejudices of the past which would mean I haven’t really self-forgiven and let go my relationships with them ‘back then.’

Therefore I have to give myself the opportunity to start from scratch and let go of the notion of having ‘a say’ about anyone of my past, and instead dare to get to know who they currently are, what they are about, how they are currently doing in their life and open up a door for me to also transcend a lot of my judgments of the past and within that, transcend the ‘judgmental me’ that I’ve kept with righteousness for so long within myself.

I also here commit to stop holding myself captive in ‘who I was’ in the past and therefore who I was in interactions with others in the past, so that if and when anyone speaks about another person that I used to be related with a long time ago, I can genuinely say that I sincerely not know where they’re at right now or how they are doing and I cannot really say I ‘know them so well’ either, because I only interacted them such a long time ago that it is not a fresh perspective that I can have any authority to share with another – and even if I had any current interaction with another, I genuinely have no say in defining another person with a few words in their totality either.  I can instead share a general experience of how I interacted with that person ‘back in the day’ while clarifying  that this is how it was before, that this defines me and my experience only, so this is only memory and perception based and has no validity to define who the person actually is.

By sharing these past experiences and emphasizing on how they were ‘experiences of the past that don’t define the person currently, nor myself’ I can also possibly assist others in learning to see for themselves how we tend to hold others captive in our minds based on a conflict or disagreement that happened in the past, which ultimately diminishes our ability to transcend our own limitations as judgments, perceptions, opinions and beliefs about ourselves and others.

So, I will walk as well a personal process in opening up more in relation to this person in my life because it is for a reason that they keep ‘coming up’ in my awareness and it might just be because I have kept them ‘in a cage’ in my mind, loading the idea of that person with opinions, judgments and perceptions that I sincerely had not actually realized I was doing, because of being completely believing that ‘I was right’ about my perceptions on that person and in essence, containing myself in a relationship with them of avoidance, of judgment, of holding a grudge and perceiving that ‘they were a mistake of my past’ which is part of what I have to deconstruct for myself for sure and so set myself free and set the idea I have of this and many others in my life ‘free’ in my mind, and standing one and equal to who they really are.

Thanks for reading.

 

 Captivity


522. Standing Up From The Past

Or stopping self-definitions and self-judgments according to my past and focusing on who I currently am in my life

It was an interesting day because for various reasons I got to be recalling  a lot about ‘who I was’ over 10 years ago and what I was like and what I was ‘up to’ around that time. I discussed it with different people for various reasons, one of them being related to music because I plan on attending a music festival for the first time after some years of attending that kind of events, but this time I got a nice offer for it and a free trip to go there through a concert travel agency because of the amount of times I had used their services throughout my teenage years – probably going to some 15 concerts at the time so, they had this promotion that with having over 10 trips with them, one gets a free trip and that’s what I got, which is great! And I truly was doubting myself in going for it, like even seeing myself as ‘too old for that stuff’ lol – but I decided to give it a go and be open for it, regardless of my reluctance.

The point here is how I saw this people after over 10 years and it was quite funny how they remember me – over 10 years ago – yet I also noticed I was genuinely glad to see them too and see that their business has flourished. I also saw an ex-school mate in a store and it was also interesting to see someone – that I would see around on a daily basis during high school – after over a decade which again made me consider ‘the time that has passed’ yet being able to relate to him just because of that common space as high school.  Then I was talking with my mother about ‘the old times’ where I was very much this avid teenager that wanted to be going out to concerts all the time and what was my life back then: music, books, my friends and doing the whole ‘exploration’ of what it means to live at the same time.

I also had a chat with another person about how I used to play guitar and bass and how I once had a band for a little while and the people I used to be friends with, and some other things that led me to ‘bring the past back here’ and even though I enjoyed sharing myself in this, in some aspects or specific ‘topics’ I noticed I was a bit ashamed in relation to ‘how others will see me now’ based on the kind of relationships I had and how I held on to them as if they were really supportive for me, when the reality was that they were not really so. Yet as with everything, ‘investigating all things and keep what’s best,’ even while having been at the time with people that are not that easy going or having certain ‘special ways’ of being generally conflictive or having certain addictions etc. I could also in that moment realize that there were a few things that I did learn about them and that I’ve integrated as part of who I am in my life, things that I saw I liked about them and when applying them in my life it made my relationships with people easier, and I also shared that so as to explain that it’s not like it was ‘all bad’ but also create an equilibrium with some cool points from it all.

I did notice that while going back to over a decade ago in my conversations with people today, I got a sensation first of all of ‘Man, I’m growing old, I’m old! I once was young!’ LOL! Which I actually said out loud to some guys today and it was a funny moment – while others after so many years thought I was only 25 – well! Anyone would be flattered with that but I stand on my age really which is 30 and as much as at some point I really had become like ‘marked’ by some things of my past, it was truly when I started walking this process at Desteni at the age of 21 that I learned to let go of ‘carrying my past’ as a burden and stopping doing everything that I was seeking to do just to now be a ‘better person’ compared to ‘who I was in the past’.

And it was true that my past was ‘haunting me’ as it was explained in a structural resonance alignment research video that I was quite fortunate to get 9 years ago, because it was the first time that I was able to see to what extent I was always carrying my past as a ‘burden’, as something that I could not ‘make peace with and let go,’ and that’s because I was still defining myself, who I am here in the present according to my past, which sounds simple and easy to understand but it was truly in that moment when I heard this video-recording that I realized to what extent I was compromising myself because of ‘holding my past’ in my present, in this moment.

Now, this point of ‘holding the past in the present’ exists in fact as everything that we have become in our minds, it’s the way we think, we do things, we react, how we’ve ‘always’ done something that we haven’t directly changed or aligned within ourselves, that’s still us recreating the past within ourselves. So, at the time I worked quite a lot with self-forgiving all those memories, relationships, experiences, judgments, a lot of the judgment towards ‘all of that’ which I also might be making worse than it actually was, which is also a common thing we tend to do in our minds: blow things out of proportion.

So as I was sharing more about this ‘past time’ in my life, I noticed that there was an inkling of discomfort, very subtle when sharing some of the decisions I made at the time in terms of friendships and relationships and having myself be associated with people that at some level I wish I would not have been associated with, a form of subtle regret. However, at the same time it is part of what ‘shaped me’ and even though I got to see with clarity years later on what ‘drove me’ into those situations in my life and what I compromised of myself within it all, I still can only learn from it and ensure that I do not continue these same patterns.

In this case, unfortunately I do consider I continued repeating similar patterns which I definitely see that I have to be very aware and careful when it comes to who I decide to be in my life which will therefore define the kind of people and relationships and projects and things that I associate myself with.  So, this is a reminder for myself that as much as my past does not define me – and I frankly as I shared about it yesterday, cannot see ‘me’ in the same way that I was in the past – there will still be people that will relate to me based on those memories that they had of myself back then and yes it will be quite a change but, isn’t that actually very cool? That I can share with someone of ‘my past’ and say yes I’ve changed, I’m not the same as the person you once met but it’s still ‘me’ just not in all of those traits and aspects I had, it’s a better version of me.

And that’s what kind of happened when seeing these people ‘from the past’, people that I had not seen in over a decade and I actually also asked where they’re at now, how they have gotten their family growing, their businesses growing, asking how ‘life has been’ in a way where there’s simply a genuine enjoyment at the same time of being able to relate to people ‘from the past’ in my present moment.

I also realized I don’t need to even explain myself of ‘where I’m at’ because I simply relate to them with a genuine gladness of seeing them again, that’s who I decide to be then from now on, which actually also happened last month with seeing a girl that used to be one of my best friends in high school and seeing her was a genuine ‘good moment’ for me even if we don’t keep in touch anymore and that also kind of made me remember ‘who I was’ and how I used to be and behave in high school and almost wanting to say to her ‘hey I’ve changed!’ but it wasn’t needed, I simply was ‘me’ in the moment and let go of ‘how she would see me now’.

So as I’ve shared before, even if I had certain ‘traits’ and personalities before this process, I made sure there was always this constant in me of being able to relate to all people and that’s now what’s coming up even stronger in me as a point of expression, which is enjoyable for me and for others as well, because that’s the world I’d like to also create with all of us, where we can relate to each other and start ‘anew’ every time, be clear within ourselves instead of talking only to ‘memories’ that we’ve held within ourselves about each other and hold on to grudges and past ‘feuds’ and stuff like that, it’s not healthy for anyone, so best way is to forgive oneself for whatever ‘went on’ in our lives and move on to stand clear in our present within ourselves and so towards others.

In essence I had to let go of my judgments about myself, about ‘who I was’ and even when sharing more about the people I related with, to not be afraid to share this because yes, that’s where I was in my life, it does not define ‘me’ currently, it’s not what I’ve continued ‘to be’ up to now yet, there will always be people that were ‘with me’ or part of my past or a time in my life that I cannot ‘swipe off’ completely, I rather make it a point to greet everyone the way I’ve done in these occasions and in general, not holding a judgment up to people, but simply being ‘in the moment’ with them, which also simplifies things a lot in our interactions.

Now it’s about me not fearing that others will ‘define me’ according to who I was or who I related myself with, not that I was ‘the worst of the worst’ either lol, but simply quite different to where I am now. However this is actually a bit weird because I would find it awkward if I had not moved an iota as a person in my life and develop or change in any way over 10 years. It is actually then questionable why I would worry about ‘who I was’ and believing that at the eyes of others I am probably the same I was when I was 17 years old… it doesn’t make sense! It only makes sense if I am the one that is defining people according to how I saw them 10 years ago – now that’s the point here to take it back to myself.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually hold a memory of who these people were in the past and still believe I can ‘know who they are now’ based on those memories, which would be the definition of me doing onto others what I am precisely fearing they would ‘do onto me’ which then I must stop and cease to do within me first of all, because that’s the judgment I hold to myself, about myself and about others that must stop within me here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subtly fearing that others will define me according to who I was over 10 years ago and hold me in that ‘idea’ of myself, and so creating an experience of being ashamed or regretful of my past, of who I was back then or pondering ‘how they saw me’ which again, proves that these judgments are not theirs but only my own, my own ways in which I have gotten to still judge aspects of my life, decisions I made, relationships I had – but I also see that I would not be ‘here’ as I am if I had not gone through all of that which led me to also seek for a way to support myself at the same time and give myself a purpose beyond of all of those things and ways in which I was quite desperately and eagerly ‘searching for myself.’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only judgments that I can in fact look at and change are my own, not anyone else’s, and that if anyone has an idea of myself about who I was in the past and tries to match that who I am now, it’s entirely their process and their decision to do so, I cannot change that at all nor can I control or try and ‘create a new version of me’ so that they know ‘I’ve changed!’ because that’s not the point here either, not about others, all about myself.

What matters here is being clear within myself about all things related to my past, that time of my life while I was a teenager and all the things that I did which might not have been the ‘best ways’ to explore my life, but at the same time I have stood up from that and evolved into the person that I can now genuinely be with and not be afraid of ‘being in my skin’ and knowing who I am and actually genuinely recognizing the worth within myself as life that I have been working on to develop within myself and so in whoever I get to be in contact with.

And that’s much more substantial and why not, valuable for me than any perception, idea, belief or judgment I may hold ‘against’ me based on my past – because I’ve decided that my past doesn’t define who I am in this moment and I’ve mostly ‘shed that skin’ already, which I am glad for and this is also me entering t into 30 years and 6 months of age today and I like doing some of these ‘life recaps’ not only on a birthday but whenever I see the calendar hits the ‘first day of the month’ and I consider that today was an interesting set of events that led me to ‘remember me’ and see what could still come up as a judgment – but it’s definitely not something I get emotional or reactive about, I can easily speak about it as a part of ‘who I was’ – but it’s more of a shame ‘at the eyes of others’ which emerged, so I have to remind myself that what matters are not ‘the falls’ and being defined by ‘who I was’ but I decide to define myself according to the ways in which I have stood up again, in which I am till this day committing to support myself to be the person that I know I can be with for the rest of my life, and continue developing myself for the best.

So I am grateful for my day today where through various interactions and moments with others I was able to open up the ‘box of memories’ and confront others beyond ‘the memory’ I had of myself with them, but genuinely expressing and presenting myself as who I am now, while still being able to relate to them, without trying to ‘re-live’ the old me or anything like that, not needed at all. I was more in a stance of this is me now, this is what I do, this is where I stand and that’s exactly what I want you to be interacting with right now.

And that was nice to do as well in new interactions with people where I could share about my past candidly and simply take a ‘note’ of this slight shame that came up which I’ve realized here in this blog it’s just my own judgments that I need to stop based on ‘the past’ and so focus entirely on who I currently am.

That’s about it for now, point of the day: not to be ashamed or be ‘haunted’ by one’s past, not to allow myself to define me by my past, but rather focus on who I decide to be in this moment, who I decide to express myself as with new acquaintances and older ones that I had not seen in a long time, and that’s in fact all around awesome and self-supportive

Thanks for reading,

Enjoy

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


517. Mirroring Judgments

Or self-forgiving the judgments that I have believe ‘others create’ towards me and discover: it’s always been me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate getting to write about the subject of ‘what will others say’ because of considering that then I will have to confront my own expectations, which is in fact what I have to do in order to walk through my own fears, expectations or experiences that I’ve created around the topic of ‘sharing’ myself about what I have defined as not ‘favorable’ or not a ‘positive outcome’ for myself – yet, I have to realize this is the way that I allowed myself to define it as a ‘negative outcome’ which is a negative charge I am deciding to imprint on it based on how I initially judged it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prolong sharing something based on my own prejudices, ideas, beliefs about ‘being judged back’ or being perceived as a ‘failure’ in the outcome of my sharing, instead of realizing that all of that which I believe others will say, think or react like is in fact based on my own ideas, judgments that I am imposing onto myself based on my own beliefs, ideas and expectations of how I would have liked my life to go, what I consider would have been the ideal outcome and therefore upon seeing that this is not the case, I would prefer not to confront what I am defining as a ‘negative outcome’ which is a way in which I have also decided to judge the situation – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the outcome of my creation in a negative way and consider myself a ‘failure’ for it based on the expectations I had placed on myself within it and who I was throughout it all – but here I have to make peace with the fact that not everything is ‘under my control’ and that not everything depended on my own actions or inactions to make something work as intended – therefore, being able to remind myself who I was from the beginning to end of a point of creation which is my point of self-honesty, instead of participating within my own projections and prejudices about supposed judgments that ‘others’ might say which are in fact the ways I judged myself for this outcome in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me through what I believe are ‘the eyes of others’ as judgments, beliefs, expectations when in fact those eyes are my own eyes and in any case if there were any judgments, opinions and perceptions towards ‘me’, it would define the people that create such judgments which is something we rarely get to acknowledge whenever we judge: we do it to ourselves, not to ‘others’ – therefore, here I have to stop being my ‘own worst judge’ and ‘expecting the worst’ because this is only created in my own mind based on an idea, belief or perception that I wanted to ‘keep’ having about myself, when in fact in self-honesty, whatever I create or participate on doesn’t define ‘me’ but who I was throughout the whole point of creation, my starting point in it Is what’s relevant to look at for myself- which is my self-honesty to work with – and that’s something I can fully stand with and by for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into the pattern of ‘caring too much about what others will say or think about me’ when I have even blamed this pattern to familiar influence but I realize that I made it my own, based on how I have been very quick to judge back as well and in this what I am looking at as a ‘fear of what others might say,’ is in fact my own creation based on how I have been the one that has participated in judging others about their life situations, life choices and decisions – never realizing that any opinion I might have created about ‘others’ lives’ is in fact defining me – not others –

Therefore, I take responsibility to now seeing how what I am creating in my own mind as ‘fear of what others might say’ is nothing else but my own capacity to be ‘too quick to judge’ and not looking back at myself as the origin of such judgment and how it defines ‘who I am’ in my mind – nothing and no one else.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to for a moment hesitate on making a decision in my life because of ‘what others would say’ and placing more weight, value and importance on ‘others’ or ‘others’ ideas, perceptions or possible judgments’ instead of my own, which is still a point to look at when that became a major source of worry, concern, nervousness and even anxiety  instead of simply focusing on myself: my life, my decision, my process, my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be having in the back of my head the notion of ‘what will others think about me’ because of not having a ‘regular job’ that many people have in a particular ‘system’ position and in doing so, diminishing the work and responsibilities that I have in the belief that ‘others have no way of validating my work because it’s not in a ‘recognized by the system’ institution’ – which is in fact my own judgment, my own value that I have given to certain institutions or credentials which I then turn back at myself as the idea of ‘others judging myself for it’ – but in fact, this is all existent and coming from my own ways and methods in which I have allowed myself to ‘gauge’ people and ‘who they are’ within certain values in a system –this way, I only recreate a world where ‘brands’ and certain ‘names’ have different worth and value than others – just as an image as a ‘name’ or a ‘brand’ – instead of focusing on the actual substance, the actual worth and value for life that such ‘brand or name’ represents, which in my case I completely stand with what I do and how valuable this work is not only for me but for the rest of humanity as a whole, therefore I stop supporting and recreating ‘values’ within me according to ‘institutional system values.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project an outcome where people won’t take me seriously if they find out that there is one point in my life that I didn’t follow through ‘all the way to its end’ or to a ‘desired outcome’ and that it will drive my credibility, my own personal stance ‘down the drain’ when this is just a mind-bullying type of thought I am allowing within myself, because if it is one point in my life that I am judging myself for and allowing that to completely define the ‘totality’ of who I am, I am then demonstrating how I am the one absolutist that can also completely debase something or someone for ‘one single point’ and use that one point to define an entire person and who they are, which again it shows me that it’s not about ‘what others think or do’ but about my own judgments and what I then in turn do to myself when allowing me to ‘judge others’ with the same measuring stick so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as the person that cannot have proper relationships, not even if ‘trying’ hard for it at the eyes of friends or relatives, when in fact I am seeing that I’ve become my own worst judge when it comes to this topic, because of already fueling this point with several experiences, leading me to a ‘fear of failure’ and in that, creating my ultimate outcome within it which is having to end a particular relationship in order to demonstrate where and how I have not been entirely honest with myself in my starting point and my creation. This means, if my starting point is of fearing something, then the outcome is having to walk through that fear and end up on the other side seeing ‘hey I’m still here’ and realize the self-compromise that I caused to myself when accepting a point of fear in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to what I perceive relatives have to say about me and my life because of ‘knowing’ that they are ‘always very quick to judge’ – but even if were, this is about me being able to for once and for all stop giving too much attention to what others have to create as a judgment in their own minds, which means it defines who they are and how they perceive others, including myself – yet here I am focusing on how I can take responsibility for my OWN judgment towards other people perceiving them as judgmental, which makes me judgmental by default too – and that’s how I become the one origin and source of ‘fear of judgment’ all the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear about what others have to say about my life, my decisions and choices, which are all based on memories where yes, I would get reprimanded and judged for my choices while growing up, but that is how things were ‘then’ based on my age and the lack of perspective I had which yes surely, got me through making some mistakes that I have been able to stand up from – and even those that I can still ‘repeat’, precisely through consequences I have been able to become aware of it so that I can consider them to stand corrected in it all as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as a ‘failure’ by others, which is only how I am judging myself and this particular outcome as such, when in fact I can redefine it as a point of deciding to stand for what I truly honor and respect which is the life in myself and others, and how what might be perceived at others’ eyes as consciousness as a ‘failure’ I am aware of my decision, my parameters, my choices, where I stood in it all and the clarity in which I make my current life decisions – or when I don’t, and so own my creation.

Therefore here what I have to stop focusing on is on the notion of ‘judgments’ and instead focus on my own self-honesty: seeing what can I learn from my mistakes, what I can learn about my starting points for self-creation, where could I have done things differently, defining for me which were the points where I compromised myself, where would I have had to stand up and didn’t do so – and all of these are actually supportive things that even if one doesn’t get to create an ‘ideal’ outcome in one’s life, one can still learn from it, grow from it and continue walking the path of self-creation.

I realize how easy I have been ‘too quick to judge’ on many aspects and in this becoming dismissive and limiting, not only towards ‘others’ but towards myself and there is a whole lot of humbleness to be considered here.

Because what I am seeing is hiding behind all of this initial ‘fear of judgment’ is in fact the idea or notion that ‘I am supposed to know better’ and ‘I should have known better’ or ‘I don’t make mistakes’ or ‘I am flawless’ which is quite the ego-trip there that I need to also debunk for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that behind the notion of ‘fearing others’ judgments’ is in fact my own ideas, beliefs and perceptions about myself being ‘superior’ to others or ‘knowing better’ which has to come to an end whenever I am faced with reality and realizing that all of those were mostly ego-trips that I placed myself upon which have no context with reality, which is that of the principles that I am standing for: life in equality, where there is no superior, no inferior – we’re all equal as life and in this, any ego-trip of knowing better is only that, a personality, a character that is actually created based on a perception of ‘being inferior’ at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge who I am based on notions of superiority or inferiority to others, existing in comparison where I have allowed myself to judge me based on ‘values’ or ‘measuring sticks’ that I have at the same time adopted from society, from what I have learned to judge as ‘valuable’ or ‘important’ or ‘good enough’ etc. – all of which is devoid of actual common sense and living-values, which I therefore have to completely cease to exist as within myself to stand in fact as an individual within self-responsibility in my creation, without judgments – simply focusing on a point of self-creation, walking it through, working on whichever adjustments or changes need to be done, start over whenever it is necessary and keeping at it.

This then implies more of a focus on my own mind, my own adjustments, my own corrections to live by which in fact then will create the outflow of stopping focusing on ‘others’ and focus on myself, on living these principles and corrections I’m seeing I haven’t fully embraced as myself and that way, render judgments, opinions, beliefs and perceptions as the mind-values they are that define ‘who we are’ as the mind, as a system that I decide not to live by, but stand up as life.

This then creates in turn a very nice outcome for me here where the point is taken entirely back to self, back to seeing what I accept and allow not only in these judgments and points I wrote out here, but in general towards anything or anyone because we are the ones that create the validity to our judgments, beliefs or perceptions by acting on them, by giving importance to them – therefore if I stop participating in all of those perceptions and instead focus on what is Here as life as myself, as my potential, as my creation to develop = then that’s the outcome that I create not only for me but for everyone else.

And that’s how the focus on ‘others is debunked and turned entirely back to self.

 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


498. Deconstructing the Default Self-Specialness

Continuing from the previous blog

Here sharing Self-Forgiveness on the points I am committing myself to acknowledge as my creation, as my allowed participation in my mind that I want to change and turn into a supportive outcome for myself and the people I get to be involved with for a moment or for a lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a positive experience in relation to people with whom I have developed a relationship where there is kindness but at the same time there’s the awareness of them being ‘attending me’ as in being there to assist me, to care after me and getting what I am looking for in the shop – or simply having a chat in the meantime – wherein when I see that another person comes into the shop and the attention veers toward that other person, I have allowed myself to instantly go into a ‘lesser’ experience of myself which I’ve felt in my physical body as a tightness, a tension directly related to the presence of the other person, instead of realizing that this is the ‘default’ experience of ourselves at a mind level where I constantly can perceive myself as ‘special’ or ‘unique’ or ‘having a special spot’ yet forgetting that this is the default experience that we all have allowed ourselves when in our minds, therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in my mind reacting to another person’s presence and in doing so perceiving it as a diversion of attention from others towards them – instead of remaining attending ‘me’, which is very much an egotistical experience where I stop considering another person in that moment and go into this tension and frigidity in that moment, which I’ve come to see is me in my body and mind conditioning myself to create a momentary friction and conflict about the presence of another person, instead of embracing the presence of not only one person but any other person around me, realizing their equal ability to get the attention from the shop attendants and at the same time push myself to be able to look at them, interact with them if the opportunity arises and in doing so, practically walk through my initial tension or subtle reaction to another’s presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience in shops or other public spaces wherein there is supposed to be people ‘attending me’ and I get all the attention I require, and go into a subtle ‘low’ if the attention is given to someone else, which is very much also a programming I’d see as very common in me since being a little child, the youngest of the family, where I got all the attention and was quite spoiled in my own way, which led me to constantly add this ‘specialness’ to myself, who I am, what I do and if there’s someone else taking that one ‘special spot’ in whichever context, I then have allowed myself to go into a ‘low’ which is simply a perception of ‘me not getting all the attention’, but in common sense that’s how things should be and all that I require to do is to learn now to embrace any other person as an equal to myself, walk through my initial ‘discomfort’ toward them, understanding them as a ‘default’ reaction of myself in my mind-and-body so that I can then proceed to live the words of integrity and integration, embracing and equality towards others at any given time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in that ‘sinking’ experience within me upon noticing it was another young woman entering the shop and in that moment the activation of ‘women competition’ kicked in, in a very subtle manner wherein even if I am not thinking in competition terms, the tension, the discomfort that I experienced as taking over my physical body’s upper area is an indication that I am still reacting to the presence not only of other human beings in certain contexts, but specifically women where I then proceeded to feel ‘displaced’ in that moment where the conversation went towards here, wherein I went into a low and self-diminishment in that moment, which I saw and pushed through to remain in my usual presence, however the experience had already been developed, therefore

Whenever I am in any situation where I perceive that I am ‘alone’ and the attention is only ‘on me’ and I am creating a positive experience about it, I have to slow myself down to ensure that I am not going into a ‘high’ within me as the positive experience that can then rebound to a ‘low’ if the factors change in the moment and I stop getting ‘all the attention’ on me, because this then signifies that my interaction wasn’t entirely being in equality, in stability and comfort, because if it went into a ‘low’ all of a sudden, there had to be a pre-existent experience I was aware of.

So I can now practice this point where I can in those moments upon hearing or seeing that another person is also sharing that moment and ‘space’ in a shop or other place in a similar set up, I can breathe as a way to ensure that I am relaxed in my body and prevent through breathing the build-up of tension in my upper body, while I can deliberately remind myself to live the words embrace, equality, integration so as to ‘integrate’ the other people into the space as equals and embrace them, their expression in a way where I can be in their presence and remain comfortably in my body and even if the opportunity is there, proceed to interact and engage with them and have a chat if they also respond back in an equally open manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that there are such things as a ‘position’ of specialness and favoritism toward people wherein I have to let go of reassuring these ‘positions’ in my mind that I believe others have toward me and instead, fully develop my positioning as an equal in all aspects, which I recognize I’ve been doing better when it comes to supposed ‘hierarchical’ situations and learning to get past my elitist programming towards ‘others’ but I can still see this ‘regard’ that I’ve built towards myself in relation to how I expect to be treated as a signal that I have yet to completely let go of any default-specialness of my mind, any default ‘uniqueness’ and this can be practiced by focusing on breathing, stopping the insta-judgments of values based on appearance overall, based on gender, based on money, based on ‘positioning’ and in doing so, become the person that I want to be that truly embodies what it means to be equal to any other individual, where I don’t recreate the separations, the discriminations, the divisions that we’ve fueled in our minds based on a plethora of visual differences that are only that, a visual presentation but instead, learn to get to know each other as the words we speak and live, what we embody as ourselves because that’s where the real presence and essence of each other is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still carry on with a subtle, unspoken or ‘without thinking’ comparison or even rivalry towards other women specifically wherein I am the one that is instantaneously judging them as ‘more than me’ based on certain attitudes or physical appearance wherein I am completely becoming me as my mind that judges, that values appearances, that compares and creates a verdict of me being more than or less than others… none of this is who I really want to be in those moments because it only recreates the plethora of separations that we are seeing more and more prominently in our world.

Therefore I have to practice letting go of my ‘inertia’ to these ‘quantum-judgments’ and assessments that I get to become aware of only after they have happened in an almost ‘automated’ mode, but even that, I challenge myself to be able to stop this very silent, very physically ingrained habit of comparing, judging or going into a silent rivalry/competition toward other women that I’ve perceived as ‘more’ than myself, which only exists there if I am still regarding myself as ‘inferior’ in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from a very age not know ‘what to do’ upon noticing distinctive physical features and appearances of people around me wherein I learned to create notions of beauty based on appearance and particular traits, but wasn’t really aware how to actually create a meaning that is substantial for real beauty in a person, which I’ve established that is not limited to only the first layer we get to see through our eyes in one person, because that is definitely something that we can all see and sometimes even agree upon by default – but also to include the essence, presence and substance of a person, who they are as the words they live and speak, the kind of being they are in their lives which is what I’d like not only myself but more and more humans to focus on at the same time, because I’ve complained myself many times of living in a ‘shallow world’ where only appearances matter, but the aspect of the substance behind that first-impression appearance is what I’d like to focus on and get to know in a person, to then learn from them, get to embrace them as a being more than just an image, because I, myself, would not like to be diminished to only being an image either.

I commit myself to practice in those moments when acknowledging the presence of another person through hearing them coming in, to instead of ‘avoiding looking at them’ which is not done out of privacy or consideration, but out of avoidance as a reaction to see them with my eyes, I can then test out actually turning my head and looking at them so that I can make the decision to in that moment apply these words: embracing, integration, equality and so direct myself to focus on my own physical presence, my own body, ensuring I am not going into a tension and if that happens, I can simply focus on breathing so that I can dissipate the experience before it builds up at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to without intent and in a perception of ‘respecting others’ privacy’ – apparently – have done onto others what I dislike being done onto me, which is that of deliberately ignoring another’s presence yet only reacting at a physical level about their presence, which is very uncool and I simply do not want to be that kind of person that eventually gets to a point of looking away from people on purpose so as to not have to face the various reactions that could be coming up in those moments. I rather learn to face and embrace the reactions and comparisons I’ve created so that I can work on them first hand and practice, practice, practice as much as it is needed until the presence of another human being – male or female- becomes indistinct to myself, to the moment and can instead practice to embrace them, integrate with them in the moment because that’s exactly what I’ve liked others doing onto me and I am aware first hand of how cool that is for all of us, so I definitely want to be entirely clear within me in relation to people, especially considering those ‘first ever’ encounters where I don’t even know the person, yet I am ‘reacting’ to them? Doesn’t make any sense, really, and that’s what we are and have become in our minds: separation, not making any sense and simply causing friction and conflict by default, but now it’s entirely up to me to stand as the directive principle of myself in my mind and my body so that I can then decide who I am in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fueled in a very subtle manner this idea that I am ‘special’ and I deserve some kind of ‘special treatment’ wherein I believe that I am a person that ‘deserves’ something based on what I give, which should not be the case at all, because any kindness and consideration toward others is me giving it as an expression of myself, not as an ‘expected in return’ type of treatment which would only create the same kind of societies where we treat each other as walking numbers or assets, instead of redefining that value as the kind of person we are, the words we live, the actions we stand by and what we use our bodies, our minds, our words for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this ‘default’ existence of myself in this ‘special-mode’ self-experience wherein then it is easier to create any sort of inner-conflict and go into an inferiority-mode because we are the ones sustaining that ‘elevated’ sense of self that can be easily threatened and rocked when perceiving anything or anyone as ‘more than’ something that we are defining ourselves by as a judgment or a value, therefore this proves that any superiority or inferiority complex are nothing more than judgments, values and perceptions that I’ve accepted and allowed as ‘who I am’ which in turn, through this identification, becomes a way for me to react to certain people – or not – based on this default programming of ‘my identity’ being those experiences, those reactions, that superior or inferior experience which is by all means something that I commit myself to stop fueling even in the silent and most subtle physical experiences that I can instead open up, face, investigate for myself and turn this whole comparison and competition mode into a supportive outcome for myself and so for others.

I forgive myself that I have lived a contradiction in terms of wanting to stand as equal to every other person, but still create these comparisons, judgments, notions of value and worth towards others and seeing them as either ‘more’ or ‘less than’ myself, wherein I am in fact even in a silent manner, recreating the same mentality with which we’ve built this current world system, and I know for a fact It doesn’t serve life, it doesn’t have a default space for equality as life, therefore I/we have to be the people that can change our ways of interacting among each other if we truly want to create a world in equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation upon meeting people for the first time of creating an impression upon them of ‘me being unique and special’ wherein I am by default wanting to be the ‘attention grabber’ that wants to make an impression but not yet for all the best reasons, but still coming through with some ego, therefore I have to be more aware of my choice of words, attitudes, expression in general ensuring that it is not being done from the starting point of continuing and feeding this ‘attention seeker’ or ‘attention grabber’ in me, and instead develop humbleness as a modest self that I can live with and stand by eternally as who I am, because it won’t be defined by highs or lows of energy, but instead expressing and allowing the real me to come through as a presence that I can definitely see is possible to continue developing, growing and expanding as myself in more moments of my reality.

I realize It is a matter of being aware of myself at a physical level, being aware of the subtle changes experienced at a physical level as sudden undercurrents that come up and transform into tensions or stiffness and in that moment investigate, look at what’s the programming that’s being triggered and so proceed to apply the words that I see would be most supportive in that moment.

This way, the practical application is an opportunity that exists whenever and wherever I see myself with more people in a context where I have created a ‘positive relationship’ towards something or someone and in that, making sure that I can ‘share’ that something or someone with others without reinforcing a sense of ownership or dominion over others, because that’s certainly not what I want to be and do, I want to stand in humbleness and equal-stance toward others, as well as letting go of notions of specialness or positivity attached to people, places or situations so that no matter where I am, I am here, I am expressing me without ‘highs or lows’ but practicing a continuous embracing of others in the space around me, and also get to chat with them or get to know them better as part of our shared moment and reality, no matter how short or long it might be.

Thanks for reading

 

Silent Interplays

 

Join us in our process of Self-Awareness as LIFE


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