Category Archives: self-honesty

547. How to Live Humbleness

 

 

Today I’ll write some self forgiveness to see what I haven’t yet lived and applied in relation to humbleness and the specific and subtle aspects where I miss out on living this very relevant word for me.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the consideration of every person’s living context, abilities, skills, life experience and the rest of patterns and habits that create who each individual is wherein I can approach each person with a set of eyes that is devoid of taking ‘me/myself’ into consideration only, but learns to see and get to know an individual for who and what they are in their own creation, as an individual that cannot be measured in ‘better’ or ‘worse’ type of values, but an individual that I can learn to approach and get to know through time and developing communication/getting to know a person, and learning to see who they are in the moment – not based on their past, not based on ‘ideas’ I’ve created about others – but entirely focusing on their words, their actions and deeds in the moment wherein I stop comparing ‘who they are’ to any sort of ‘ideal’ I create about myself or others in a certain situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a differentiation between myself and other people based on a perception of skills or abilities – instead of realizing I can in humbleness use my skills, abilities and do whatever I am capable of living and doing in order to assist others if they also want to assist themselves in improving certain skills, supporting themselves in their own life wherein my humbleness approach is then not based on wanting others to develop ‘the same as me’ or ‘become like me’ but it is about me learning to assist another to sculpt themselves, to polish their strengths and strengthen their weaknesses where I can also learn to know an individual for who they are, devoid of ‘more’ or ‘less’/ superior or inferior contexts, but learning to see people the same way that I see trees or parts of nature that I’ve learned to not compare to one another – because that’s a humble approach to life and to us living beings that are worlds in ourselves and cannot be ‘measured’ in any value-system way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself, my life to a set of perceived ‘skills’ only wherein I can instead be humble in realizing that those ways in which I perceived myself as ‘better than’ others are a limitation, because in reality I want to approach people from a genuinely equal stand point wherein I learn to quiet my ‘analyzer-mind’ that tends to quickly judge and ‘gauge’ people, and instead be here hearing what another person has to say, to learn to take in their words, their deeds as who they are in the moment without judgment or appraisal – wherein I can stand equal to them in that moment and simply share myself if I have something to contribute to and if not, be ok with simply being there getting to know an individual.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to live humbleness in my overall approach to people and how I see people where I can use my skills and ways of living and how I can be focused in the details of things and be specific with myself in order to assist others to learn to do the same for others – so that whatever I see is a potential to develop within myself and others can be shared and so instead of me defining myself according to a particular set of skills or abilities, I can use them to assist others and in doing so expand self’s potentials to live in a supportive manner if I see in common sense that is beneficial for everyone involved.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a subtle arrogance and superiority towards people whenever I’ve allowed myself to go into an impatience towards others, instead of realizing I can use my own skills and place them into application to be patient, to be humble, to be considerate of another’s pace in life and process, wherein I then use this skill of being meticulous and detailed in order to get to know others better and continue challenging myself to be able to place myself in their shoes and see how it would be best to assist others as well from their stand point and considering their current ‘views’ and stance, wherein I can apply humbleness as in stopping seeing ‘through my own eyes’ and learn to see from where another is and what they are experiencing because that is what I would like to develop as a skill that it actually becomes an interesting challenge for myself, to be ‘self-less’ when approaching others in the context of getting to know them or being in a context of providing assistance and support towards them.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to use this skill of ‘being aware’ of myself in order to also be more aware of other people, their lives, their context and learn to fully embrace them in who they are without any judgments, without being exigent or over-analyzing others’ situations and experiences, wherein being humble means reminding myself about my own process wherein I know what it is to feel ‘lost’ in my mind and having a perception of seeing ‘no way out’ wherein I can learn to breathe, be stable, relax whenever I am getting frustrated or desperate in relation to seeing repetitive patterns in my life that of others and in consequence of our own reality loops that will continue existing as such until I decide to stop justifying my impatience and reactions towards ‘repetition’, and instead live humbleness as the consideration of each one’s pace and living process which may or may not be like ‘my experience, ‘ but here it is to stop comparing myself to everyone else for once and for all because that’s the real essence of humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how the notion of specialness exists as the core of separation in our minds, because when applying humbleness towards one another, we learn to consider each other’s lives and minds completely without any judgment, without any ‘value’ attached to it as more or less or inferior and superior – and this is the essence of equality of learning to see with a new pair of eyes wherein I can stand next to a person – not above, not below – and learn to see who they are through their words, through their body language, through their presence and be ‘self-less’ in that moment so that I can stop comparing myself to them or creating an idea of ‘who they should be’ in that moment, but learn to see in innocence as if I was there for the first time facing them and their situation.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to see things always as if it was ‘the first time’ that I approach a context or a situation in relation to walking a process with another person, wherein I can let go of the judgments I’ve created towards others and who they are and instead approach them anew, each time, so that I can then learn to approach a person from their current reality, instead of holding a ‘profile’ of another and myself towards them from the past and so recreating the past which is what I have to stop doing in order to embrace the moment, the current reality as is without judgment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an exasperation and impatience towards other people instead of considering that it is not about ‘others’ that I create an experience but about my own relationship to ‘others’ existing as judgments and piled-up experiences that I have to first sort out within myself, wherein I can apply humbleness as a first point of letting go of any assessments and ‘qualifications’ I have tended to project onto others and instead be humble in how I operate within myself, wherein I can learn to see myself in others in whichever phase or context they are in and stop referencing ‘back to myself’ to decide ‘who others are for me’ and instead learn to see ‘who they are’ for what they are and do – and that’s it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to exist as elitism in the past wherein through not wanting to get to know all kinds of people I would in fact limit my ability to get to know and appreciate other humans that are also myself and so I was preventing myself from living equality. Whereas currently that I am more focusing on living this equality, I am able to be more open and initiate conversations with others to get to know them and I do require at the same time to do so in full equality instead of subtly going into the ‘I know better’ or ‘I know what kind of people you are’ wherein this becomes a limitation in that moment, so I have to focus on being detailed, specific and quite diligent in stopping my own assumptions I can create towards people even upon a first conversation and instead learn to see them in innocence, without judgments, without ‘qualifications’ of any kind, but be there as a physical being, not a mind-being.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live arrogance as the set of identification of my ‘intellect’ as something superior to that of others, when in fact this same apparent ‘intellect’ becomes the very set of programming that I have to now debunk within myself in order to learn to truly live the word humbleness which cannot be tied at all with knowledge and information, because being humble means fully approaching something like a child would do, without any perceptions, ideas, beliefs, notions about myself or another – and in this, true equality emerges where I learn to see another individual and myself for who I am in the moment, instead of re-loading the plethora of memories, ideas of myself that I have recreated as a mind-set of patterns that I am aware is not supportive. Therefore I want to approach people in innocence and humbleness wherein I can stop any quick assessment related to values, perceptions, ideas, beliefs and push myself to see myself and others for who they are in the moment, regardless of what went ‘before’ them or myself, and so live in the moment assessing reality, not holding on to ‘who I am’ as the past to approach people in this moment of reality.

 

I realize that living humbleness also means being devoid of definitions as particular perceptions of skills, experiences or ‘beneficial aspects’ within myself because that only exists as a notion in my head, and all that matters in a single moment is not who I am as all of that baggage of knowledge and information or tools I can use, but all that matters is how I stand in a moment in relation to a person, wherein I have to now be very specific in not recreating this pattern of superiority and inferiority that I’ve lived throughout my whole life in a very subtle manner, yet ever present.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be humble towards myself and so as an extension towards others wherein I can learn to see people as physical beings and assess who they are in the moment based on the words in the moment, their actions in the moments and be willing to ‘start anew’ each time with them, wherein I can use memory only as a reference of what I know of them, but not to hold that past against myself or others either, because this is not a humble approach to life, so I can be humble in approaching each one ‘anew’ which is in fact approaching life and others in self-forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I wanted others to ‘see me’ in a different manner as in not placing myself as ‘superior’ or ‘more than’ themselves, but I didn’t realize how I was doing this towards myself and vice versa wherein we create the same patterns of superiority and inferiority in the most subtle ways that we approach one another – therefore I can live humbleness in ensuring that I am being completely equal to another in a moment, without ‘mind interference’  or ‘mind noise’ that judges, that criticizes and the rest of it, but instead be open, vulnerable, humble, considerate and caring in my communication with others, in my reading towards others and in my general interactions with other human beings no matter ‘where’ I get to interact with others or whatever the ‘context’ might be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give any value to intellect as a point of ‘superiority’ when in fact, this is the very thing that cages us in values and perceptions we create towards everything in ‘consciousness terms,’ because life is not knowledge, life is a living and is a ‘blank slate’ approach from a moment to moment – it is only us as consciousness systems and beings that can generate such separation through our minds towards life, therefore I have to learn how to be life and stop the lies as ‘intellect’  – knowledge and information – from being any form of self-definition within me.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the consideration towards others in self-support, instead of having ‘diminished’ myself to experience problems and conflicts in order to be ‘equal’ to others in my past, instead of seeing how I can be a point of support and share towards others how we can be the better version of ourselves and tap into our potential wherein humbleness becomes not only a way to approach others and learn from them and take them ‘as they are’ but also expands into considering our potential, the creation of the better version of ourselves and this I can start doing by sharing myself and this process in itself of how I decide to stop defining me through knowledge and information and instead see how I can practically become a better living being in something as simple as how I approach a person, a set of information, a context, a culture, a conversation with a strange – any and all things are opportunities and points wherein I can learn to apply humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to breathe through reading, listening to another or getting to be part of a conversation with people and learn to see others as their words in the moment, and not ‘hold others captive’ based on who they have been in the past, because living humbleness and consideration means approaching the moment as is without ‘baggage of the past’ – and this is also something to apply to myself of course wherein living in the moment means not reliving the same judgmental patterns within my mind, but be clear, be anew, approach the moment in innocence – yet with the experience of common sense and self-honesty as well.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the application of equality and considering others in placing myself in the shoes of another without the notion that ‘I am doing this to ‘reduce myself’ because that single perception of ‘reducing’ me, is coming from a form of superiority – therefore I realize that placing myself in the shoes of another is a true equal one on one, no more, no less and this I have to be very cautious and aware of when placing it into application.

 

I commit myself to live humbleness as the consideration of my process and every one else’s unique process and position in life wherein I cannot compare myself to anyone nor vice versa, because each individual is unique and having a very particular set of experiences and living conditions that I cannot at all ever cage into a judgment or ‘value’ of sorts – but only consider equality and consider the potential that we can bring out in each other if approaching ourselves in humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to stand as and in the shoes of another, wherein there is no need to try and ‘connect’ but rather to realize I am them as well and I don’t have to connect through a personality with others, but I can learn to see directly who they are through their expression, and so being humble to get to know another for who they are in that moment and so over time without holding another captive to ‘initial or past memories’ created towards them, which are always not about ‘them’ but about how I used my mind to cage another in certain values and experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the understanding of who we are in our minds and so approach each mind, each person, each life without a judgment to it, wherein I can yes still see and understand patterns, see what another is experiencing but without adding it a judgment as a value of that being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’ anymore – but stick to seeing what is possible if one works on developing a potential, such as the process that it takes to develop self-honesty, learning to be ok with seeing the truth of ourselves, our flaws and be willing to be committed to work on those as part of our humble approach to life as well, because this means we have no limitation as well to do something and to give ourselves an opportunity to live.

 

I commit myself to live attention within myself in my interaction with others wherein I can be humble in my approach towards others and embrace them as equals, learn to see them ‘anew’ in a moment and so also be humble within myself to learn and practice what it is to live equality, which is being devoid of the gauging-mindset or set of polarity values that are separate and have no relationship to life – I instead can be living and embodying equality within myself so that I can ensure my approach towards the life in others is seen in innocence and common sense, considering what’s best for myself and them and the context and life itself.

 

I commit myself to learn to approach another person without any judgment of ‘who I am’ in relation to them, but instead be devoid of knowledge and information that defines me as ‘more or less than’ another, but be physical, be attentive in who I am in that moment and so who another or others are in the moment, because that’s the kind of embracing equality and humbleness that I want to live in my life and that I know will simplify the way I relate to myself and others, where there are no more ‘expectations’ or ‘pre-tense’ but simply living in the moment, as life and that’s the way forward for me. J

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


542. Living Expression

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

I have identified the word ‘expressive’ with a set of personality traits where a person speaks in an assertive, directive manner and using mannerisms that look somewhat ‘effusive’ or ‘extroverted’ to me, like moving hands, doing various facial expressions, even being humorous as well. Now, all of these are aspects or traits when looking at them as something I merely react to in a positive manner, which leads me to create an assumption or judgment that the person is ‘expressive’ or ‘outgoing.’ However, this is only what I can perceive in a moment of a person’s expression – I realize that it does not represent what it actually means to be expressive. This initial approach I just described above would be a form of confinement to the potential that we all exist as in the word expressive. Now, what does that mean?

When investigating my feeling-based reaction that I’ve experienced towards people that present this kind of qualities – I have seen how I’ve actually at times gone into a bit of a ‘sinking’ next to them, when interacting with them or observing them, because of considering that no one can ‘top their expression,’ which unfolds in reacting within inferiority, which is an indication that I’ve separated myself from my own potential expression and therefore, judge someone else’s as ‘desirable.’

This is also why I’ve been debunking my own set of beliefs around these words I had felt ‘intimidated’ by or creating a form of ‘attraction’ towards and instead, directing myself to clear out their meaning for me and take those words back to self, which means realizing that we all have the ability to live these words in a self-supportive manner, and not only as some kind of ‘show’ for others or personality trait, but as a genuine expression of who we really are, which is also expression as a process in itself.

Part of what I’ve learned in this process within Desteni is to understand expression in self-honesty, wherein one actually goes ‘reverse engineering’ one’s preferences as likes and dislikes, our emotional and feeling reactions to virtually everything in our lives, and we can then spot what kind of energetic experience motivates us, essentially looking at what exists behind every thought, word and deed in our lives.

It has been a very grounding and supportive process for me to do this, to realize how much of what I deemed ‘my expression’ was motivated –in my case – as a ‘show for others,’ or a form of ‘mask’ that I could put on to be liked or accepted by others, seeking appreciation, approval, seeking relationships out of need or dissatisfaction with myself, wanting to appear as ‘more’ than what I was truly experiencing within myself in certain moments… and the list could go on.

So, upon going understanding and seeing clearly ‘what motivates me’ in my life and noticing all of these fears or desires as starting points, what was left was a decision within me to self-forgive all those fears, judgments, desires and instead, apply myself to now learn what it means to be the starting point of my expression, what it means to direct myself to do something for and as myself – in other words having no ‘fear’ or ‘judgment’ or ‘desire’ as a motivation to do something anymore – but instead genuinely in a moment decide to do something and live it, do it, ‘go for it’ in other words and create it, express it – of course in consideration of what’s best for all, in common sense and self-honesty, essentially making decisions that are supportive – not just ‘random’ stuff that could be consequential, lol.

This might sound too simplistic in words, but it can actually be a challenging process for most of us that have conditioned our very decision to move and do something in our lives for something or someone else but ourselves.

An example on changing this starting point is how I initially decided to start painting and get into arts to avoid being bored, to cope with being alone one summer at home and also desiring to someday be very famous and well known and travel the world and the rest of it. Of course this doesn’t mean that I now have to stop doing any art because I had a flawed starting point –which by the way, I actually did stop for a while because of thinking it wasn’t valid anymore in my life, lol – but in self-honesty one learns to then realize we can change that starting point or ‘reason’ for why we do things or ‘who we are’ within doing art in this case and so, learn to be my own starting point, learn to express myself as art, which means not doing it to ‘get’ an experience or ‘avoid myself’ or ‘expect’ me escalating my position in my society, but simply as an expression, a movement, a decision, a realization that I work on for myself.

Changing this starting point in whatever we do, make, say and think in order to make it an expression of ourselves is actually easier said than done of course, because we’ve mostly learned to do things ‘in separation of ourselves’ – therefore, such a point as being expressive or expressing ourselves may have a huge baggage behind it as a set of reasons to ‘do’ or not to do something – like for example having the starting point of wanting to compete against others to ‘win’ something, to ‘get a relationship’ out of a fear of experiencing loneliness as a ‘negative outcome’ and the list may go on.

These are just examples but the point here is to explain how we are the only ones that can truly be aware of when we are genuine and self-honest in our expression and when we are in fact not so. And this is what has been very supportive for me to understand considering that I had been the kind of person that would use any form of motivation ‘outside of myself’ to express and be in a particular manner to create a ‘show’ of myself for others – but saw little to no point on doing it ‘for myself,’ which as strange as it may sound, it is actually a far more common situation than we would like to accept.

A cool test for myself lately has been the situation of being by myself and not having anyone necessarily being the ‘receptor’ of my expression or ‘expressiveness.’ This has been very cool for me to see what of the things I used to do when having someone else around me most of the times I stopped doing or changed in the ways I would do it because there’s ‘no one else around me’ that could be the witness or receptor of such expression – whether it was something I do or how I express myself in those ‘little moments’ of interaction with others.

I initially saw that I was wallowing into a ‘pointlessness’ considering there was no one to interact with in relation to this expression – but I instead made a decision to apply this realization about self-expression: to be the source and reason of my expression. And so upon the various years of living alone in different phases in my life, I’ve learned to do things for myself, from the way that I care for my own body, how I dress, how I have my surroundings, the food I make for myself, the things I do for fun, the kind of work that I do, hobbies –I’ve learned to have ‘me’ as starting point for these points, of course every now and then having to re-mind myself of that considering how easy it is also to start placing something or someone as the ‘reason’ to do anything in this world in separation of ourselves.

Now, I understand some might say ‘oh isn’t that selfish, doing it only for you?’ but it is not, this is of course within the context of doing things that are supportive in nature and that I then through habits on a daily basis have turned into my own expression, which can be easily translated into ‘who I am, how I am, what I say, how I behave, what I write, how I present myself with people, how I look, how I speak’ within the starting point of being directive in it all and within the consideration of the principles of what’s best for all, being supportive in other words and without making it a point of ego.  

Now going deeper into this word ‘expression’, we express ourselves in every moment. Every moment of breath is self expression, it’s my body expressing itself – every thought, emotion, reaction, judgment, opinion is also a form of expression, an expression of my mind that I’ve learned to now assess and question every time to see how supportive this expression is for one’s life and that of others, which is the self-honest application upon one’s expression and so placing the opportunity back to ourselves to decide: Who do we want to be and How do we really want to contribute to this life and existence in every moment that I am existing?

Being alive is already in itself an expression, it is ourselves existing as a plethora of potentials to develop according to our context, capacity and abilities – but the point is then to expand this word ‘expressive’ not only to a set of characteristics that can be perceived or received by others in only a fraction of interactions in one’s day, but it is about acknowledging that we are in fact expressing ourselves every moment of our day, whether we are aware of it or not.

So, one of the points here I would like to remind myself about is that, even if ‘no one is seeing me’ – apparently – and no one is ‘benefiting’ from my expression as my ‘doings’ in my day to day living, I actually am aware that by the sheer fact of being living in this world where we are in fact all the same – as in one and equal as life – whatever I accept and allow, what I change and correct within my life in common sense, what I work to develop in my life, the words I decide to live, the expressions I decide to fine tune within me, the destructive or self-sabotaging habits I decide to stop and correct within me, the words I choose to use to communicate, the foods that I eat, how I care of my body, the way that I l decide to confront a ‘problem’ or conflict in my life, the way I relate to people around me, the way that I present myself with others, the words that I write, the things I support in the internet, the way that I approach my work, the ideas that I have to create something and who I am in the process of creating something are all ways and forms of self-expression: they are all parts of me and they all stand as an impression or ‘signature’ of who I am in all of it – therefore we are constantly expressing, therefore also communicating with every single one of these in our day to day, it’s how we participate as co-creators of this reality.

That’s the kind of holistic self-awareness to practice in my day to day really, where I continue to align myself as the starting point of what I do within the understanding of being best for myself and so being best for all – and also in being able to enjoy all of this that I do as part of my self-creation process, which is actually something we tend to forget to do many times when we are too busy living ‘for others’ or to ‘get something’ out there, forgetting who we are as life yet to live to its utmost potential, which to me is precisely linked to self-creation, to sculpt ourselves as our creation, to work on our potentials, to fine tune our expression and genuinely learn to live, and so be an example for many more that might be ready to consider doing this for themselves in their own lives.

How to live then the word ‘expressive’ in relation to interactions with others? It’s actually quite simple because once that one walks through this process of self-writing, getting to know ourselves and deciding to change the judgments, limited perceptions, beliefs, opinions that we might create about ourselves or others, what is left is a core expression of oneself as an individual which is the definition of being ‘expressive’ as in not having obstacles to share, to be open, to enjoy, to share the kind of enthusiasm that emerges within oneself when we start ‘piecing ourselves back together’ from the scattered-self as all of the mind-traits that we had defined ourselves by.

Therefore, being expressive is also a result of walking this process using the tools of self-support provided by Desteni and realizing that we actually have much more potential than we thought we had when being only ‘in our minds’ and not yet getting to live who we really are as life, as our physical body – and this is only the start for me, there’s lots to do, fine tune, continue expanding and growing on but so far, best thing I’ve been able to decide to commit to in my life.   

In this, I also learn to not ‘compare’ myself to others’ ways of expressing, but rather learn to appreciate others in their individuality, being aware that I can always enjoy it ‘with them’ while also sharing myself and learning from each other to become better human beings. Interestingly enough that’s very much what we also do as the Desteni community and that to me is definitely an example of what being expressive is about, it all being related to ‘sharing the life’ in one another and the ways in which one lives it, how one works through it, what kind of solutions and paths one creates to continue tapping into one’s potential and that to me is what life and living is all about.  

Thanks for reading.  

 

Enjoy this Desteni Radio episode: Desteni Radio # 22 – Drinking Water and Why Change is Difficult

 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


536. Transparency (No Pretense!)

 

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction

 

Here I look straight into the word ‘pretentious’ as it being something that I have a general negative association to – and it being the opposite of the word I’m looking at integrating here which is transparency, without pretense specifically – and it’s interesting to read the whole list of synonyms and antonyms of this word here http://www.thesaurus.com/browse/pretentious because it gives a general feel to what my interest or ‘attraction’ and also ‘repulsion’ towards someone’s expression is all about yet, it all relates to my own judgments towards my own expression.

The first thing that pops into my mind is myself expressing me in what I considered was an ‘over the top’ type of expression, mostly related to memories of how I have been –according to my judgment – conceited or pretentious, which is something I definitely want to fine tune into a point of humbleness, simplicity in expression, transparency – in a way of expressing: here I am, this is my expression, no need to pretend to be ‘more’ or anything less than what I am, which is coming through more in who I am and how I interact with others, but it wasn’t definitely an immediate process to get to be that.

Looking back in my expression a decade ago, I definitely had placed a lot of personalities before me in order to ‘cope’ with reality, sometimes being too shy and reserved – read fearful and judging how others would experience my ‘real’ expression – and some other times appearing too extravagant, conceited, snobbish and getting myself into a ‘high’ of sorts, stemming from the actual inferiority I would experience towards others which led me to create a somewhat defensive self with a tinge of grandeur in order to make myself noticed in fear of being unnoticed – and the rest of the polarities that stem from simply not being accepting oneself.

I can say that I could have come off as pretentious or petulant lol, which I must say was quite a hard-wired personality in me, mostly veering towards the ‘giving a punch with words’ and my expression rather than simply sharing myself in calm and stability, without seeking attention or a form of specialness.

The point is to notice how it has been a process for me to get to a relative point of transparency, openness, comfort when sharing myself with others – walking from the shy, fearful character that didn’t even want to record videos and upload them on the internet (yes, I had made a decision upon first encountering YouTube back in 2006 that I would never be on it, lol) to then deciding to start sharing myself in relation to this process with Desteni and finding ‘my expression’ in those videos, which at times I can see myself currently cringing at how I expressed myself back then and pondering if others considered it too brusque, ‘in your face’ and maybe a bit too snobbish or pretentious at times – which of course were also expressions I have generally disliked in others, which proves again that ‘what one dislikes, exists within oneself as well’ – however, if I had judged myself as all of this and had refrained myself from recording those videos, I would have prevented me from learning to be comfortable in front of a camera and speaking into a recording that will stay there as an archive for posterity, which sure, may sound intimidating at times, but I’ve also learned to not go and ‘delete’ the stuff, but leave it there as a process walked at a certain point in my life – it’s part of the process, as we say.

So, this point of transparency linked to a humbleness and an unconceited expression is something I want to practice more in my expression within specifically getting back to recording videos, because I had also prevented myself from doing so because of how I had judged the ‘YouTube persona’ that I have there as some kind of embarrassment that I could just bury for a while and not get back to my personal vlogs – however this is now out of the bag and I will look at recording myself again, because it is quite supportive to do so, it assisted a lot to see myself, to even get to know myself by seeing how I speak, how I move my face and the rest of tonalities that may come through it, it’s quite a great process of self-exploration as well.

I enjoy writing and apply transparency in the sense of being self-honest, being able to see the ‘nitty gritty’ of myself and have no problem with me sharing it, I’ve been in hangouts and it’s definitely enjoyable also to share oneself because of the interaction with others – but now I have to go back to the self-recording and see what comes up. And one of the words I want to integrate in my expression is that of being transparent, not having any hidden agenda of wanting to be perceived in a certain way, but simply sharing myself, without pretense, without fears, without having to ‘appear’ a certain way that I’ve defined as ‘acceptable for the world to see’ – lol. That’s the pretense right there to stop and correct within me.

This is an interesting thing to look at because it is mostly in the notion of ‘recording’ myself that this experience of having to put on a show comes up, because I have seen myself how I can enjoy and be expressive when sharing with other people real time and no fears like that emerge – but it is in the consideration of doing vlogs – as in material that will remain for posterity and multiple replays – that this emerges, which is in fact something I did to myself, considering how I have been the one that has re-played myself and gotten to judge my expression, therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have refrained from recording myself in vlogs again due to how I have judged my expression before and perceiving that I am mildly embarrassed by my previous expression, yet it is what it is, a part and phase of my process where I was discovering ‘who I want to be’ and how I want to express myself, which is also a fine tuning process that I cannot expect to come through ‘perfectly’ at first – also here realizing that I am the one that has to stop seeing myself through the eyes of judgment, of seeking ‘perfection’ in such videos, but instead embrace my expression in the moment, being transparent, having no ‘hidden agendas’ or pretense around it all, but giving myself that opportunity to see me this time through judgment-less eyes, and not doing it only to myself, but also towards others as well.

And the reason is mostly because of how I became a certain person/character on those videos that do not represent what I’m really like currently. I am still quite direct and frank but without that sulkiness or the tinge of cynicism that would come through at times, however I’ll only know until I actually record myself. And this is another thing to debunk here, how I expected myself to kind of ‘replay’ how I presented myself in the past, which is of course not something that is common sensical to do and I’ve been using this excuse as a reason to not do personal vlogs and have given my power away to these justifications and excuses, which doesn’t make sense at all, because if anything then I can show how change is possible and how we don’t have to be the same as yesterday, that change is healthy and it’s actually something that we should all do as well considering it is very much needed to fine tune ourselves to be best for ourselves and so best for all.

I said in my first vlog ever that ‘I felt like an open book’ and it was so in the sense that I was writing out the first pages within this process of self-discovery, self-change and self-honesty creation, and now it’s time to continue doing so not only in writing but get back on doing videos and any other methods I can plan on directing as well in my reality.

So, I’ll be soon recording myself also to share more about my personal process of self-change based on my participation within Desteni – officially for 9 years in my case – and all the bits of changes that I’ve been creating within myself, what I’ve learned, what I’m still working on, etc. And that is then a way to live transparency as well, where I don’t have to put on a show or create an entertaining display of knowledge as myself but instead do a simple practical self-sharing, which I already do in these words, in these blogs – now it’s simply taking it to the vlog level again and get back to being comfortable recording myself.

Bottom line is, if transparency is something I appreciate as an expression in others, why have I separated myself from such transparency and unconceitedness and making it something that I long to experience through a relationship with someone that I perceive as transparent? Why do we create these barriers in our lives of waiting for someone to ‘be that for us’ instead of us taking the lead and learn from them, integrate that expression as ourselves and walk the process that it takes to live a word for real within and for ourselves?

Also, this is not as simple and quick as in saying ‘I want to be transparent here and now’ and that’s it – living this word is also a process and starts with developing self-honesty which is a pillar of this process from consciousness to self-awareness as life. This is just an example in terms of transparency in expression when sharing oneself, going from the notion of having to ‘put on a show’ or ‘appear’ a certain way at the eyes of others, or becoming defensive instead of being vulnerable, open and genuine – aiming at simplicity, instead of trying to do something ‘larger than life’ and ending up elevating oneself too much, losing ground, missing the earthy-expression of saying things as they are, as we are, in a moment, without edits, that’s what’s enjoyable as well from human expression for sure. Therefore I stop expecting others ‘to be that towards me’ or ‘for me’, I have to be the one that lives the word and sets the example.

Transparency to be lived as a direct, frank expression yet self-honest which means, within self-responsibility, within humbleness – not as a ‘show off’ or another kind of pretense of ‘being transparent’ lol, but as a genuine expression without hidden agendas nor back doors, that’s the kind of expression that I am here placing on my table of words to practice in living and developing for myself within communication specifically, considering I have already developed a point of self-transparency as self-intimacy= seeing within myself, getting to know me as I am, pushing through fears of seeing my truth and reality, being willing to see and open up whatever is needed to continue ‘processing’ myself, not hiding from myself – that’s settled to a certain extent over time and with the tools of self-writings, self-forgiveness and the feedback gotten through the network of support as the Desteni I Process, which has been a lighthouse in a vast sea of darkness lol, seriously, considering how one can lose one’s direction at times, the support one gets to get back to self-honesty and self-responsibility to one’s self-creation is always a gift in life to have.

So! Transparency, openness, vulnerability and self-enjoyment in my expression, here I come.

Thanks for reading

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


533. Living Passion in Purpose

Next word to explore and see who I am in relation to currently is passion and this word ever since I watched Gian’s video on it, it stuck with me in the sense of what I can consider a livable definition of passion in fact, and I share his vlog here for reference: Passion, You are Your Passion to Change – Desteni Process Support Vlog.

Here it’s my turn to investigate it in relation to living it and making it my expression in who I am in whatever I do, and the first point to investigate is how I have separated myself from this word and making it some kind of ‘superior’ experience – yes, a noticeable energetic experience – that I have in turn given value to, but it doesn’t mean that it is a person living the word passion as self-expression. What does that mean?

Here then it’s about seeing how I’ve been making an experience ‘more’ than who I am and that’s the point to clarify here because it’s not really about having an energetic experience itself as ‘passion’ but redefining it into a word that I express and live in who I am and consequently within whatever I do.

What I may see in some people as passion is more like a driving force of their own purpose or point of motivation that becomes an expression of who they are no matter what they are doing or with whom – now, this is more me placing it into words because I can only observe things based on who I am in relation to it as well, which means that, lol I am already ‘it’ at some level.

This also means that I can get to recognize how I have been living passion to a certain extent within myself and in my life, maybe not in a very consistent manner throughout these years, but I definitely know that when I decide to stand as it and live it, I can become that force of life within myself, a motivation that goes beyond a personal interest, but simply as an outflow or expression or what I’ve defined as a point of passion in my life which is life itself, this process as the ability to be ‘reborn’ into our personal lives and tap into a potential that had been covered up with many layers – in my case – of self-depreciation, lack of self-acceptance and self-recognition, which is why in the first place I have been entertaining such ‘attraction’ idea towards other people, because in a way I didn’t first look within myself to see where and how I am already living such word  – instead of reacting in a subtle manner to another’s expression which may – or may not – be more ‘energy’-related and then making that as something I desire to become within myself, which would be missing out the entire point.

I see that passion is the result of standing within oneself in a consistent manner, it’s like a ‘flame’ that we turn on and keep burning within ourselves in relation to what we decide to stand up for. It expressed physically as a form of intensity in my expression, an enjoyment, a fulfillment within myself as I see myself standing as my potential – or when being in a self-creation process, there’s that ‘driving force’ within me that is not based on getting to ‘the top of the hill’ so to speak, but more so in relation to getting to know who I can really be if I direct myself in every moment of my life to do what I’ve decided to do, to manifest and create the life that I want to create for myself and so for others, as life.

My passion is directly connected to this process of assisting myself and so many others in birthing ourselves as life, of getting to understand ourselves and from doing so, learn to live in ways that better ourselves, our relationships and so the world that we create. That’s been my driving force that I’ve been expressing in several ways, but the most common ones are through direct communication on this process, on the importance of it, the benefits of it and the responsibility we all have to it at the same time, which is about understanding self-creation and self-empowerment in consideration of what’s best for all, our true potential that is always here, waiting for each one of us to light it up and live it in our lives.

From this realization, I take some of Gian’s words to explain how it is in this decision to be an example or stand as an example, integrating these principles of self-honesty, self-creation, self-responsibility, self-trust, self-respect as a result of all of this walk that we then become that passion as ourselves and can ‘pass it on’ to others through one’s living example, which I consider is a meaningful, respectful, dignifying process to do in one’s life and even a privilege as well which entails self-responsibility too in not only ‘getting’ the benefits, but learning to give ourselves back to others that also want to learn to assist themselves to live to their utmost potential.

And this passion as I am living it, is already coming from some years of experience; now is the time where I have to recognize the authority I have onto my own words based on my own experience, my own application, my own dedication, focus and attention to doing this every day of my life for years. And now I am now finding it fascinating that I could be ‘falling for’ an experience of ‘longing’ some kind of perceived ‘passionate expression’ in another that might be appealing to certain personalities or memories within me – but that’s of consciousness.

Who I am and what I live and specifically in the context of what motivates me I can see is nothing else but life for life as life, period. And that to me is quite a ‘pure’ form of passion that may sound abstract for some, but can be read in all of the words and all of the principles I’ve set myself to live within my life over these years as a self-commitment.

I’ve noticed then within this apparent experience of ‘attraction’ toward others that I essentially have to remind myself to first of all look back within me in how I am already living that something that I am kind of ‘being attracted to’ and if so, then I have to debunk the bubble of experience that I am creating in relation to another’s expression and simply let it go for what it is= a feeling reaction. If not, then there’s a word I can work on creating, living and expanding myself on within my own context and reality.

Sometimes I tend to underestimate myself and it is only through writing that I can debunk my own ‘admirations’ and rather look straight and clearly towards myself to realize ‘hey, I’m actually already doing that’ or ‘I have to align this point more in certain contexts in my life’ or sometimes simply learning to embrace another’s expression as it is, instead of reacting in the mind in a sense of ‘desire’ or ‘want’ to ‘own’ it through a ‘relationship’ which is how we tend to operate in our minds, always wanting to be like vampires that can suck the life out of others and ‘own it ourselves’ lol, instead of realizing ‘hey I actually have that life as well, let me work on myself and build my own potential.’

Here thus I take the space to rather see in relation to what do I want to express that passion as myself, besides for example these writings which is where I see it usually is expressed as this force of the words that is aiming at sharing myself and possibly ringing someone’s eyes and ears, it’s a usual intent within me within writing, like ‘passing the flame’ as Gian once explained as well, from personal living example.

And I consider that passion is a word that I tend to forget to live whenever going into any minor ‘low’ within me, upon any subtle judgment, or experience of ‘being hard of myself’ for something, when overthinking in the process of doing something, I essentially have to remind myself living passion, remembering who I really am essentially, not allowing anything less than what I’ve proven to myself I can be and so be my own point of ignition, where I don’t require watching another’s expression to feel like wanting to express myself as that, but I can simply make a decision to express it in the moment, especially in contexts where I am allowing myself to be affected by others to a certain extent.

Those are moments where I can investigate why did I allow myself to go into a ‘low’ upon discussing or meeting that person? What’s behind it? and go back to my self-investigation board to establish self-clarity and then see how I can remain standing within myself as that consistent force regardless of who I am with or what I am being shared about – which is not a point of remaining positive or thinking positive, but rather a decision to stick to the common sensical me, sticking to my potential and so expressing it in who I am in those moments, extending that realization of being able to ‘walk through’ points even if they might seem too much at times.

This way I can embody this statement as: ‘this low is not who we really are, nor this depression or self-devaluing experience, we can be better than that’ and so step back into the passion that I’ve lived and that I yet have to develop and expand in various moments in my day to day, starting with seeing and recognizing myself as my own source of it – not anything or anyone outside of me as an idea, perception or mind-relationship, but rather doing it as self, as a part of the whole

If we all do this, one by one, we will truly get to live and interact with self-fulfilled and passionate individuals that can in turn keep sharing the ways in which we can all stand up and tap into our potential, and share the exact ways to do it, which is precisely what this process at Desteni is for: learning how to empower ourselves, how to get to live within our utmost potential, how to establish our principles and how to – most importantly – live them in a practical way in our day to day.

That’s what I decide to do and live – and in turn, get to appreciate other beings that can be equally passionate, without interfering with it in desiring or wanting that, because I can remind myself I am already living that, I embrace another’s expression and be grateful for who they are, and that’s part of the ‘shared passion’ for each other as living beings I’d say – no fuzzy attraction experiences any longer.

Thanks for reading.   

 

 

    

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


524. Redefining Routine

Or The Gift of Responsibilities and Discipline on a day to day basis as a point of stability and consistency in my life

What I’ve discovered more and more through this process is how once that one decides to walk through an experience and does all the necessary work to see behind the ‘veil’ of such experience, what one will finds is oneself, the potential that we have to be in fact ‘here’, directive, content, grounded, stable and embracing the walk of life even during seemingly difficult or tough times.

What I looked at today was the benefit of having responsibilities and getting to fulfill as a point of stability in my life which I am in fact grateful for, as well as self-discipline that can be applied to taking on responsibilities and fulfilling them – but I also see discipline more in the context where one doesn’t ‘have to do something’ as an obligation, requirement or commitment with a second party, but discipline in things that we decide to do for ourselves, for the benefit, enjoyment and self-expansion of it.

An example can be how I know that it sucks whenever I over sleep and I’ve ‘squandered’ some 1 or 2 hours in sleeping over the usual time, which has happened after going through somewhat emotionally charged days or extensive physical work which doesn’t really happen in my life currently but has in the past. I generally dislike that experience and as much as I’ve stopped being moody about it, it’s one of those things where one simply didn’t get to use that time of the day for what was planned because of ‘oversleeping.’

So, a simple point for me can be to be diligent in waking up, sometimes reminding me of how I dislike the experience of missing out those hours of the day, sometimes because I enjoy waking up before the sun rises and I enjoy going out for a jog during the dawn and enjoying that there are not too many cars, that there’s not a scorching sun upon me and that there’s the chilliness of morning times, which is a constant here no matter what season we’re in. I discovered I genuinely enjoy doing this because I get to go to the park and be in such an environment even if for only half an hour a day and then I come back and feel content with myself, satisfied that I was able to wake up and direct myself to do that and can continue with my day which I also like to see as this continuation of activities – from one to the other, to the next – and sometimes fitting them like a puzzle according to the day, the plans that I have and making it work, which usually works but sometimes there are things that come out of nowhere and I also have to learn to be more flexible on that and not lose ‘track’ of myself that way, which I still have to work on.

So, in a way I am finding how doing seemingly ‘simple’ things as part of my day are quite grounding, supportive and a point of stability in my life – to me schedules work as an integral part of who I am in my day, I plan instinctively but in the sense of fitting things in certain timeframes and according to the set-times for certain meetings – and I am the only one that would be causing myself an ‘overload’ or delay of something if I don’t simply direct myself to do it as it is required. Of course procrastination is still something I have to work on, especially in doing things that I believe they have no ‘value’ for myself, which I will be working on fairly soon as well and challenging such rigidity in myself.

I personally enjoy going out for long walks when it’s windy and sunset time and I don’t know what it is but there’s nothing that is more enjoyable to me than that, it’s just feeling the wind and walking and if I’m listening to music it creates a complement where I get to enjoy the moment for and as myself. Same if I decide to go to the movies and watch a movie that I can reflect on for myself or enjoy for the visuals of it – I’m more allowing that to myself after having lived some years of almost no movies. I truly was living a little bit like a monk, which was ok to test out my relationship with things like music and entertainment, but lately I’ve been reincorporating more of this in my life because it is part of the things I can enjoy for myself and that I can do within my current life situation.

Of course all of this integrated with the rest of my day to day responsibilities and routines that I have to say in my case, have been a point of stability, of consistency that becomes more than just a ‘doing’ or ‘getting something done,’ but more of a way in which I am able to now approach a ‘routine’ not with the eyes that I used to before in the sense of going ‘oh no, not again the same, sameness, same old, ah, I need change, need a break’ or any of that –

interestingly enough, by now if I had repeated that kind of reactions every single day, today I was actually reflecting in how even the simple movement of coming to the computer and turning it on by now would have been something I would be physically rejecting or reacting to do, if I had continued to build reactions towards my every day, including daily self-care tasks which yes I had a time where I was reacting to the very fact of having to go to the toilet or having to eat, having to do all of these things on a daily basis. It may sound strange to some, but if you can relate to it: been there, done that and I had to stop my reactions, realize I am the only one creating them and instead embrace physicality, embracing the physical routine because that’s quite a certainty of our lives, day followed by night completing a day and ‘repeat’ the next day – that’s also a point of stability in fact, and I’ve learned to see it as such rather than ‘predictable’ and ‘boring’ or whatever else.

So what changed? Certainly not the length of day and night or any of that, but myself, entirely deciding to live my day to day in a way where I can be stable throughout it all, no matter how many times I will ‘rinse and repeat’ the same thing, because I stopped projecting ‘the future’ and my life based on the amount of days I believe I will be doing the same (or the amount of years I will get to live, because who knows! We don’t even have the next breath assured, really) but instead have actually learned to live a day and giving it what I am capable of in that one day, dare I say I am not yet in that ‘fullest potential’ for sure, and that’s what I’ll continue working on.

This also comes back to something that I decided to live on from when I was in junior high school and I read somewhere a quote along the lines of never losing the ability to be astounded – but I saw it not so much in terms of the ability to react in wonder or amazement or a ‘high’ experience of sorts, but simply in being able to rediscover oneself every day, by developing self-awareness. I’ve heard so many people say that they get bored, and I used to as well, but since I got to be aware of this process, there hasn’t been a day I have defined as ‘boring’ because there’s always something to do, we  simply got more than enough to ‘do’ with getting to really know ourselves and ‘debunking’ where our lies hide and getting real and honest with ourselves to change all of that which we dislike in ourselves, what we know will harm us and eventually destroy us or sabotage us.

I understand that initially it may seem – and I repeat SEEM, because it’s always an experience, therefore it’s only energy – as if it was difficult to get to a point of clarity in relation to something, to even wake up with a ‘clear’ experience to start your day, your ‘routine’, but all I can say is hold on to yourself and stick to the wheel, keep driving and navigating yourself through the seemingly stormy weather, it too shall pass and if you don’t give up or recoil back to fear during a storm, you will get to see the skies clear up and you’ll see yourself remaining standing. And that is something I can call a genuine strength, a perseverance and consistency, a result of discipline, clarity and stopping participation in reactions to our ‘day to day’ living – we decide which words define us – I personally prefer to keep cultivating discipline, consistency, perseverance and dedication rather than any other emotional outburst that I know will only drop me back to ‘square one’ in whichever development I am attempting to create in my life.

A last pointer here, to not get lost in the experience, but to get active and ‘on track’ on a day to day basis, this is the best gift we can give to ourselves on a daily basis, to dignify our lives with the responsibilities we have, with the care that we can give us because the moment we go into an experience about doing these basic things in our life related to physical care and work, responsibilities, relationships or anything that we know we have to face day by day, we are only preparing a road full of reactions and endless sources of Inner-conflict – because it’s not about ‘the world, the people, the relationships or the tasks’, never – it’s all about who we decide to be in relation to it all.

I suggest to rather consider or ‘keep in mind’ the potential that is right here as ourselves, in our very physical body that is being powered breath by breath – if we simply decide to do it, to move through the storm and stick to moving ourselves by living principles, continuing to clear ourselves up with writing, self-forgiveness and laying out corrective applications, then we will see the benefits of this process and understand what I mean here.

All I can say is: this works, if we make it work – it’s up to each one of us to tap into such life and consistency that is always here as ourselves if we decide to live as it and stopping getting ‘lost’ in the experiences towards a self-created doom.  

I decide to see every day as one more chance/opportunity to live, to learn, to expand, to explore myself, to re-discover myself, to challenge myself – yet keeping it simple – Simplicity is the key, as B would say

Thanks for reading

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


520. Self-Accountability and Tough Love

Or understanding and realizing the necessary nature of applying ‘tough love’ in order to honor our own lives and that of others in the name of what’s best for all.

Many times while being in relationships we lose track of our personal self-agreement and where we stand in personal principles and self-support because of perceiving that a relationship is an entity created between ‘two individuals’ – and yes in normal relationships this is how it goes where a lot of compromise and fears as well as positive experiences can be defined through the sum of two individuals existing ‘for each other’ and depending ‘on each other’ completely at an emotional or feeling level – which means at a mind level. However within this process from consciousness to self-awareness the notion of ‘relationships’ is redefined as the creation of an agreement where one or more people agree to support themselves to be the best version of themselves and do whatever is necessary to align themselves to the principles of life, of equality and oneness, of self-honesty and self-support.

Therefore it is about ‘who we are as individuals’ in a relationship where it doesn’t matter if one in the relationship isn’t aware of this process from consciousness to awareness, one can establish a self-agreement with ourselves in honoring these principles and ensuring that we work with our self-change and self-responsibility, honoring one’s life first and foremost.

This means that one’s personal point of focus should not be on what the other person does or doesn’t do to support themselves but instead, what defines us as individuals in the relationship is where we stand all the way in it, who we are in our lives, our principles,  how we work through our own patterns, how we apply our points of change, how we confront situations of conflict, how we are willing to let go of a righteousness and ego in order to recognize and so change one’s own faults and problems. And yes, at the same time decide for ourselves if one is willing to and is able to stand in a relationship where one knows the other person is not supporting themselves or standing in a principle of self-support at the very least – that decision and choice becomes part of our self-honesty as in seeing what we accept and allow ourselves to live with or not.

Here focusing on myself within the creation of a relationship, I found this point of personal accountability or ‘self-accountability’ to be quite supportive as in ‘keeping track’ of myself, who we are, what I’ve done or haven’t done in my self-relationship of self-support.  

In past relationships I would condition ‘me changing’ according to ‘others changing too’ or others showing or demonstrating that they were also doing their part, which becomes the perfect recipe for spite and developing an extremely conditional nature in our minds where the focus is on ‘others’ and not on oneself at all. Therefore this time I decided to not condition myself according to ‘another one’ and instead stick to my self-agreement where I can be able to recognize where I am reacting, where I am not defining me and my change in relation to ‘the relationship with another’ only or re-enacting past relationship patterns; and in general where I am conditioning my own point of change in relation to others changing as well or others looking into ‘their own problems or faults’ too, which is also a covert point of blame and ‘focusing on another’ only instead of entirely focusing on oneself.

Here I share this as a cautionary tale so that one takes into consideration not creating this kind of spite and expectations within a relationship where if one is holding the other accountable first and focusing on what another does or doesn’t do to then decide to change or not change,  the whole point of self-accountability and self-responsibility becomes null within oneself, because then we turn our focus and attention into blaming others for not doing their part, for not changing, for not living up to our expectations, and that’s definitely a point of self-dishonesty for the person that is keeping the finger pointed ‘at others’ only, but is not focusing or even willing to look back to self first.

What I’ve learned to do is to focus on myself entirely – and no, this is not ‘selfishness’ as it might be perceived, but a basic aspect of self-responsibility and accountability within a self-agreement within which I decided to step into the creation of a relationship with another. Therefore this allowed me to work every time on letting go of my expectations of what I wanted the other person to do or be for myself – yet also speaking up whenever something was very obvious to be opened up for their own awareness and self-work. At the same time, I had to also be considerate of another’s life, mind, characters and ‘ways of being’ that I learned to adjust in quite an effective manner – though also of course being ready and willing to draw a line whenever something is out of the agreed best for all and self-supportive habits and ways in our shared living.

This latter point of ‘drawing a line’ whenever one sees that a basic principle of committing to self-support in a relationship that is established at the beginning of a relationship is not being followed through, is what might be defined as ‘tough love’ where one is willing to be first of all accountable to oneself and so another in the sense that: in self-honesty and within the consideration of what’s best for all, allowing the other person to face for example the breakup of a relationship as the best way for them to realize what each one is doing to themselves and how not following through a self-agreement leads to consequences or results that are compromising for all individuals involved.

This outcome of applying ‘tough love’ is a necessity and an aspect of establishing an agreement – either with another or alone within oneself as self-agreement – where if the basic points of self-responsibility, self-honesty and self-support are not being lived in thought, word and deed and is causing consequences for each other’s lives, then one has to honor the starting point of the relationship redefined as an ‘agreement’ between two or more – and so all parts can agree how it is best to let go of the relationship in order to assist each other to face the points, the aspects where we didn’t stand up in it all.

It’s just like any contract or creation of a society as well or ‘team’ that exist to create, build, direct, expand, work on something – and if the basic functionality of this is not existent then it simply makes sense to dissolve the union and work on an individual basis to strengthen and change the points that led to the failure or inconsistency in the joint process.

This might seem like a harsh move or ‘insensible’ because of not considering people’s feelings but that’s exactly what we have to stop blinding ourselves with if we are to truly honor our lives. It might also sound like not being considerate, not being patient or not being lenient enough– but that’s also where self-accountability is a great way to measure ‘who we’ve been’ within the whole relationship or point of creation in our lives.

For example in my case realizing that I have in fact developed patience, consideration, flexibility, unconditional support, doing to another what I would like another to be an do for themselves, working to stop my own expectations, stopping being so exigent, being less controlling (yep still working on that one!) and be able to reference all of it with another who also in self-honesty would be able to recognize what has been done or hasn’t been done by each one in the relationship.

Therefore what I’ve realized is that what might be initially perceived as ‘tough love’ is from my perspective a very necessary measure to apply to allow another person to understand the nature of self-creation, to understand the consequences of not living up to one’s utmost potential and that includes of course myself first of all, where I can also see and become aware of my own points of compromise, my choices, my decisions, assessing ‘where I am’ and ‘where I am going next’ which yes would be directed to a supportive outcome and potential within a relationship. However this is precisely what I have to leave clear for myself and so share here as a general reminder for anyone reading: there is a vast and visible difference between seeing a ‘potential’ in a relationship and in one another and living such potential or actively working to become that potential and having physical reality proof of that in thought, word and deed as the nature of who we are at all times.

This is how in personal accountability, we can establish our own clarity to see who we are, what we have done or haven’t done, who we’ve been within an entire point of self-creation and hold ourselves accountable for it. This ability to ‘see ourselves’ and recognize our pros and cons to self-creation and be determined to acknowledge them is the essence of truly loving ourselves, caring for ourselves and so another – so that we can acknowledge it, face it, understand it and commit ourselves to work on it. This is the essence of this process and the essence of living in self-agreement within a relationship.

Based on these principles, whenever we see that reality is not ‘adding up’ to the self-agreements established at the beginning of a relationship, where the relationship itself can become a comfort zone for both individuals to not genuinely change and step out of the recurring patterns of self-diminishment in our minds and lives, then it is necessary to end such relationship in order to honor our lives, our individual processes and potentials, to be of more ‘good than harm’ in having to face ourselves individually rather than together which is an outcome that varies from context to context and all based on each one’s decision – and I’m here sharing it to have the courage to do so whenever it is needed and consequences are knocking at the door.

What is the benefit? What does one ‘gain’ or ‘gifts’ oneself from holding oneself accountable and so another in that agreement or ‘redefined relationship’? The gift of responsibility, of acknowledging our creation, of owning our creation, of developing integrity, self-respect, honoring each other’s lives even if that means having to separate to precisely understand the consequences we create for oneself and another if we don’t stand by our self-commitment to change.

This becomes a living statement, making it clear to one another that what’s best for all is to continue working on such self-agreement as self-support yet no longer within a relationship.

This is where one has to step beyond the self-interest of ‘keeping a relationship’ where compromise exists and where we might ‘hold it all up’ based on fears of letting go or settling to a point of ‘least effort’ in oneself in order to truly stand in that absolute self-agreement within oneself and so in relationship to others.

This is how then within Self-Accountability – which implies being able to take responsibility for one’s life, in self-honesty from beginning to end of our lives – one has to make decisions, to take charge of one’s ‘destiny’ and not leave it to the hands of hope or fate or even ‘potential change’, but directly act and do what’s needed to truly own our creation, to understand the consequences we are creating for ourselves and others in our lifetime and be able to stand in a position where it’s only ourselves, individually, that can decide if we fall or if we stand up – but not any longer ‘trapping’ oneself and others into consequential outcomes, such as it happens in any relationship or joint project, work situation or anything else where instead, each individual can assess their situation and therefore understand when it is best to ‘go back to the drawing board’ in order to be most effective in working, living, sharing oneself with another and standing in that self-commitment to be the best version of ourselves and so to each other in this lifetime.  

Here it is also where one’s personal self-interest is overridden to living principles, where a relationship or partnership, friendship, any ‘joint effort’ with others that is not resulting in a best for all outcome can be assessed and either worked on individually or cease to exist as such if the proof in physical reality is showing that it is not leading to a visible and tangible point of change in who we are in thought, word and deed.

Ultimately how I see it is that each one of us will have to walk through ‘tests’ of who we are in our lives: are we life or are we in the mind? Do we decide to settle in for a point of compromise and self-limitation and eventual destructive consequences or do we decide to stand in self-honesty even if it means having to ‘give up’ something that we find very comfortable and supportive in ‘some’ aspects  of our lives? That’s what I defined as the eye of the needle in my case, that one ‘point’ that we have defined as our weakness, our ‘tough points’ to walk through where we face a seemingly difficult choice: our mind or life, our personal interest or what is best for all?

What I’ve found is that even if it means having to cause some perceived ‘undesirable outcomes’ for my self-interest, what prevails in me and what I decide to always stand for is life, and life takes no ‘middle ways,’ because I know for myself how ‘full-fledged’ one has to be in terms of taking life seriously and living as such in thought, word and deed. Not about knowledge and information here or ‘pledging alliance to life’ as an ideological orientation – that’s what the world is filled with and shows no change at all. Nope.

This is about demonstrating with our whole being where we decide to stand in our lives, who we decide to be in every moment of our lives and yes, I know it sounds very challenging or even absolutist, but it is only common sensical to set the bar so ‘high’ for oneself considering how long we’ve been living in personal recycling processes of doing the least effort, repeating the same mistakes, leading ourselves to a path of self-destruction, of irresponsibility, dishonor and plain inconsideration towards our very own life.

I have expressed many times in my life how I want to change the world, how I cannot accept the ways in which we’ve existed in this world because it’s quite evident where we’ve gotten ourselves to in such repetitive patterns, habits and ‘ways’ of our human nature. Therefore life itself embedded in ourselves and our very creations leads us to find ‘who we truly are’ in our choices, in our decisions, in our stance – and I am quite committed to continue being accountable to myself because at the end of the day, it’s not about ‘fulfilling my mind’s desires’, it’s about the person I can live with for the rest of my life, the person that I can fully stand with every single breath of the way and that’s precisely the one person I can only ever truly change and take responsibility for: myself.

This is the marvel as well of this process where even if we would like to assist others, to give an ‘opportunity’ of self-change for another, to provide the necessary tools and environment to ‘give themselves a chance,’ it can only ever be supportive if the person decides to do all of this entirely for themselves as well and take it seriously all the way. Otherwise it won’t stand and one will be left as the ‘person that tried to save another that wasn’t willing to do it for themselves.’ I’ve definitely have had enough of this pattern so: till here no further.

Some ‘tough love’ is necessary for me to integrate in my ways of supporting others, not only in relationships as ‘partnerships’ or ‘agreements’ as defined within this process, but with every person that I am in contact with through familial bonds, friendships and relationships of self-support within this process as well. That’s the best I can do to honor myself, what I’ve figured out I am able to do and stand as for and as myself which means: if I can, others can do it too.

Thanks for reading.

Lastly a great quote from an audio I’ll cite here:

 

“…so many of us face in so many different dimensions of (being) afraid of speaking up, afraid of saying what we see, afraid of really being direct and sometimes knowing you have to be hard and intense and show some tough love but not be afraid to lose the person. Because I think, actually you know what happens if you don’t do that? You do actually lose the person, and you lose yourself because you’re losing them to the mind and you’re losing a part of yourself because you’re not being honest.” Sunette,  Compromising for Love (Part 2) – Relationship Success Support

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


519. From Fear of Speaking up to Doing So

Or how to realize that those things that we fear the most and prevent doing in our lives hold a key to our self-honesty and self-creation

One of the things that I feared doing was speaking up to people that I had been in a relationship with and I feared doing it because of fearing losing the person – and guess what would happen? I would end up ‘losing the person’ as in ‘losing the relationship’ because of not directing myself to be honest with the person and expose, explain what I would see was going on within them, within myself and so within the relationship – I kept quiet instead and that became a great source of regret for me in the past, because over the years I realized how harmful it was to be aware of what others were doing to themselves – and within it, what I was also accepting and allowing within myself – and not stand up for what makes sense to address in order to change, to become people with integrity and self-respect.

Therefore one of the things that I committed myself to do in ‘the next’ partnership was to speak up, and put aside the fears of doing so and for once and for all step out of that particular fear. Well, I have to say that I did live up to this and didn’t do it that well at first – at times I would still speak up with emotions, at times I would speak up plainly about things I was assuming and not cross-referencing with reality facts, sometimes I was also too lenient to finally speak up, however I eventually learned to first stabilize my reactions, work with them in self-responsibility so that then I could remove all form of blame towards another and simply speak up what I was aware of and cross-reference it, open it up to see if what I was seeing was in fact so or not.

With practice and fine tuning within myself, I did manage to speak up in a relative stable yet direct manner, with a certainty within myself that even if that very moment of speaking up challenged the whole relationship, I still decided to do it, because I reminded myself of how I had compromised myself before in similar situations. I knew that I had to speak up now or remain living in a point of self-compromise and eventual regret. I chose self-honesty and yes, it’s not nice, not pretty, not satisfying for my mind and self-interest – but is exactly what I had to do when deciding to stand as the life that I am learning to respect in myself and others.

What I’m learning and corroborating is that we have to actually challenge those fears and walk through what we would fear saying or doing because of fearing unleashing a ‘worst case scenario’ or what at times one would like to perceive as a ‘nightmare’– but I knew that if I compromised again in not speaking up ‘this time around’ and actually contribute to create a point of change that can assist myself and another to realize ‘what we are doing to ourselves’, I would have thrown to the trash all of these years of preparing and telling myself that ‘I should have spoken up’ in the past, and that ‘I would speak up next time’. This time around, I have been able to ‘pull up m pants’ as they say – even if I wear none, lol – and stand on my self-honesty.

This is something that I can remind myself of every day and be clear within me of where I stand, what I accept and allow in my life and also, allowing myself to let go of my self-interest – manifested as ‘fears’ – and instead contribute to do what is best for us all when facing consequences for our actions, which I consider is the only possible genuine way to learn more about the ways we have compromised our lives and that of others.

This is what’s commonly known as ‘tough love’ and I have definitely been too lenient at times, too ‘supportive’ to a point where it’s not really assisting the other person to walk on their own, too protective at times when trying to prevent someone from walking over their own creation, too ‘considerate’ when trying to ‘save’ another from themselves and this I’ve proven to not be the best way to approach the notion of ‘support’ – instead, with time I realized that even if we have to walk through our ‘biggest fears’,  deciding to live my self-honesty is something I can live with, regardless of the tantrums I might attempt to throw in my mind.  By doing what’s common sensical to do = what’s best for all involved, I can stand at the ‘end of time’ and see that it was what was needed for a situation to actually improve, for ourselves to actually wake up from our mind-slumber and learn and understand what it means to be creators of our lives in their totality.  

Sometimes it can be sad when we have to walk through our own created consequences and some might be harsh ones that ultimately are the only ways I’ve seen can assist us to dismantle our dishonesties, our lies, our points of compromise, our points of dishonesty – while also knowing that with sufficient self-work assist oneself to stand up from it all and develop some real integrity and self-support, learn from it and stand up strengthened.  This is the one point that I’ll continue to work on because there is still a sense of ‘sadness’ that comes with having to face consequences, after seeing the potentials for the best – but again I repeat to myself: potential is everywhere, in each one of us, and yes we can foresee and project magnificent outcomes for each one of us ‘as a potential,’ but working to create it individually, for ourselves – not for another, not for ‘something’ separate from ourselves – is the actual challenge and the real test of where we stand in our lives, as individuals, as self-creators.

In the end it’s also about realizing that sometimes consequences are our best teacher and walking through them with integrity, self-responsibility and humbleness is the best way to then give the next steps in our lives, by learning from our mistakes, our choices, our decisions and prevent future similar situations, and that’s something we can only do for ourselves individually and keep walking the journey to life, waking up with and going to bed every day with the only person that we have the power to genuinely change in all aspects we see is needed: ourselves.

This means that speaking up ‘towards another’ is not the real point here, but this is in fact an outflow of being able to stand up within myself first and speaking up to my own mind and strengthen my own self-honesty and I consider this is the exact path to honoring our lives, even if it seems ‘fearful’ to our minds: we have the ability to transcend and work through those fears to then at some point in time be able to look back and thank ourselves for standing in self-integrity and self-honesty.

Thanks for reading

 

Suggested Interviews for further support:


  1. Compromising for Love (Part 1) – Relationship Success Support


  2. Compromising for Love (Part 2) – Relationship Success Support

 

watch your mouth

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


515. Remembering The Process

Or understanding the dedication of self-change and actively working on creating and living to our utmost potential

Many times we want to create an experience of self-acceptance, self-trust, self-confidence, having a sense of security, being fearless and being stable enough to overcome the ‘throws of life’ but, those positive thoughts or temporary experiences won’t last, because what’s needed is to walk a comprehensive process to understand how we became all of those limitations and through understanding and seeing each of those ‘wirings’ in our programming, we can then reverse engineer ourselves to create, be and do that which we realize and see is more supportive for ourselves, not as a ‘positive reaction’ to all the ‘negative’ in us, but as a  more in depth step by step process of self-creation in self-awareness, through living our decisions to change, through applying the commitments of what we decide to do next once that we’ve understood that for example, an experience of inferiority exists because of a judgment we have imposed onto others as ‘superior to us’ which makes of that inferiority a self-created experience that one needs to stop feeding and stand up from in equality, not ‘superior or better than’- and this involves a whole change of attitude, ways of thinking, ways of seeing or perceiving reality and others, ways of talking, etc. All of which I would not be able to lay out just in a blog but there’s a whole lot of substantial realizations that one can gain from walking this process I’m talking about in a dedicated and comprehensive manner.

And that’s precisely what the Desteni I Process is about, to learn how to effectively change at a core level of ourselves – no quick fixes for sure – which means, yes it does take dedication, discipline, consistency, self-honesty, self-responsibility but hey, isn’t this the least that we can give and do for ourselves after we have been living and seeing the direct consequence of Not living to our utmost potential? Isn’t it so that if we are to become living beings of integrity, self-respect, honor and responsibility it requires to give it our utmost personal investment in many ways to get to achieve it? Yes it does, we’ve squandered our capacity, ability and potential for such a long time, for generations and generations before.

So, my take here is to take this opportunity that is here and has been here for 10 years now on Earth to for once and for all step out of self-limitation and into self-creation as life – it takes courage, takes dedication, takes self-will but I can guarantee you, it’s the best ‘gift’ you can ever give to yourself in your life, and starting with the basics in the DIP Lite free course is a way to ‘test the waters’ of what this process is and why it is laid out in a day by day process, bit by bit, nothing overwhelming or difficult to do, it’s all about writing self and a willingness to support yourself, that’s all that’s required.

I’m living and seeing the benefits of this in my life and this is what drives me to continually share about it, because I certainly would like every single human being that is able to do this process to realize their potential, to walk out of the ‘tunnel vision’ of the mind and embrace a completely different way of approaching life and living that will stay with you, forever! Of course if lived, applied and walked in this life-time self-commitment approach.

 

Here I share some more depth into what it really means and takes to change.

Through assisting and supporting other people to walk the same process that I’ve been walking for some years now, I am usually reminded of the saying ‘remember the process’ that it takes to get to change one single aspect in ourselves. And in a way yes, having to remind myself of how challenging it can be to walk through a particular experience in our minds that we want to change but simply can’t do so as fast or as quickly as we would like to, because of the layers of reactions, judgments and general negative experiences that we have imprinted onto the living of self-responsibility, which is our ability to create the changes that we want to live while at the same time getting to know and understanding ‘who we are’ as all of those limitations that we have imposed onto ourselves through fears, emotions, feelings, judgments, opinions, prejudices… anything and all that ends up limiting ourselves to really live the way that we see would make more sense and be more beneficial and practical for us.

Through getting to understand my own mind and at the same time working with others and reading others’ processes walking through this same self-investigation, I’ve become aware of a rather common experience that is negative in nature within ourselves, mostly existing as inferiority, shame, embarrassment, insecurity, inadequacy which creates a ‘lock down’ when it comes to conceiving change for the better – and stepping from that into simply creating a ‘positive experience’ in the mind, like trying to just ‘feel’ confident or going into a superiority act towards others is not the way either as real change.  And to get more depth into this please check out this awesome video that explains it all too from the School Of Ultimate Living

·         How to Live Redefined Words

 

What I’ve found is that once that we start seeing and acknowledging for the first time our self-honesty, meaning, seeing the actual truth of ourselves as all the ‘worst’ parts of ourselves that we require to change, an urgency for change emerges in the sense that we start getting bothered by continuing to see ‘the same experience’ in ourselves day by day – but unfortunately this process doesn’t work in such an quick-fix way where we can step from ‘point A’ to point of entire change as ‘point B’, because all of those aspects we want to change of ourselves are not just ‘faulty programming’ that we can  get rid of in one go, we have to understand that  it’s become the way that we live, behave, act  based on our environment, our parents, from past generations, from  our relationships and there’s so much of ourselves that has been imprinted or ‘formed’ according to these thoughts and experiences at a physical level that wanting to step right away into the ‘changed self’ will most likely result in a temporary fix where one might ‘feel better’ but it’s not a real self-creation process over time with actually getting to know oneself and through that understanding laying out the ways to go implementing change bit by bit.

However this ‘change’ doesn’t imply that one has in fact understood how is it that we were maintaining and fueling those ‘negative’ experiences in ourselves as all of the inferiority, inadequacy or experience of being ‘out of place’ all the time and how is it that we have been accepting and allowing them to exist within us/as ourselves through our participation in thoughts, experiences, judgments, opinions that we hold about ourselves, about others and then end up living it out as ‘who we are’ all the time.

This is where the relevance of this process from consciousness to awareness comes in, to really get to know ourselves, to develop the patience, diligence, humbleness, consistency and willingness to dedicate oneself to create one’s life. Through taking the time that real self-change requires, one gets to understand ‘why’ change cannot come that ‘easily’ when getting to understand who we are as our mind, being and body relationship and to what extent all of those personalities, experiences or characters that we’ve become are already ingrained at a deep level within ourselves where sometimes, even after years of applying the tools of self-support, one will still continue ‘peeling the layers’ of our programming and continuing to work with those core or most ingrained patterns and keep ‘at it’ with diligence.

Within this, I listened to this recording today Manifested Consequences & Rushing to Change – The Future of Awareness – Part 86 which very much explains this point in much more detail and more so in the context of ‘fighting’ our mind where we would like to ‘be done with’ our problems and experiences in one go and I definitely suggest listening to it because it details the nature of walking through manifested consequences, which is related to the point of owning our creation and learning to walk through it and embrace our reality in self-responsibility, which is not about fighting, not intended to be considered as a drag or a problem even, but a process of reaping what one sows, facing what one has created, without the emotional process involved in getting to see in self-honesty who we are and have become.

Here what emerged in me as well is how many times we tend to want to jump into this ‘self-perfected’ version of ourselves that is ‘completely changed and done with this process.’ Early on into this process I decided not to participate in these kind of thinking, because I considered it to be ‘unreal’ and at the same time causing more of a limitation and expectations based on how I can conceive myself as ‘perfect’ or ‘be done with process’ currently am in my life, which is certainly not the same person I was 9 years ago when I started this process, nor will it be in 10 or 20 more years down the line.

Therefore, I definitely see the benefit of letting go of this urge to change, or focusing so much in ‘wanting to change’ as a desire where one actually loses ground or sense of what ‘living process’ is all about which is in fact about who we can decide to be and what we decide to do in all of those moments where we can actually apply ourselves to change, to implement and test out the commitments and corrections we’ve written out for ourselves and doing so on a day by day, moment by moment basis.

I’ve found that any time that I even dare to think of ‘all the changes I need to do in my life’ it can seem like this humungous amount of stuff piled up in front of me and of course, I would get completely bummed and discouraged if I’d dared to do this on a daily basis and consider the word ‘change’ as this huge pile of things to roll out in front of me for ‘the rest of my life’! Man, it sounds overwhelming isn’t it? But just like Matti explained in his very cool vlog as well You only ever have to change for ONE DAY we don’t really ‘own’ that future that we are projecting as this ‘changed self’, we don’t even ‘own’ or have certainty of breathing our next breath, which is why this process is very much something that I suggest is considered on a ‘moment to moment’ basis and considering ‘one point at a time’ as well.

Otherwise if we go into imaginations, ideas, projections of ‘being changed’ or ‘being done’ with one’s process, it leads one to then inevitably ‘come back’ to reality and see where one is and get discouraged, get ‘bummed out’ or overwhelmed for the apparent ‘amount of work to do’ and that’s why the suggestion that you’ll read around many times: one point at a time, one breath at a time, take it day by day, moment by moment.

I can say from personal experience that if you drop all of that future projection or ideals of ‘who you want to be’ or drop the need to ‘reach’ certain imagined outcome for yourself and instead completely work with ‘what’s here’ in your life, in your reality in the moment = everything simplifies a LOT and suddenly this whole ‘self-change’ process becomes very realistic and very doable, even simplistic if one cooperates in self-honesty.

This also implies that we need to let go of this idea that one will be ‘done’ with one’s process at some point. I definitely also don’t see this process of changing who we are not only as individuals but at a global level as something that I’ll get to ‘finish’ this lifetime nor in the next generations to come – yet, it doesn’t matter to me because this process as much as it is yes a process of self-change and global change, I mostly see it as a way of living, a new way of creating our lives and learning new ways to make our lives supportive for ourselves and others, within the manifested consequences and yes limitations and current contexts we are living in this world, which is why we also at the same time go understanding what being a self-responsible creator means.

How I have approached this process of self-change is not so much as a ‘temporary’ thing that I am applying or walking as a course only, but genuinely integrating new ways of thinking, living, interacting, creating, relating to others, making decisions, improving myself, bettering myself in many ways and that is in essence what living is about for me – not about wanting to be ‘perfect’ or ‘fearing making mistakes’ or ‘reacting to my flaws’ any longer, but rather embracing all of which I go uncovering about myself – yes, the ugly, the worst, the not cool at all aspects too – that exists as who I currently am so that I can then get ‘hands on the matter’ and work on it.

This is how this process from consciousness to self-awareness as life is something continuous, bit by bit, just like we go ‘powering’ our lives breath by breath, beat by beat – it’s a way of existing in myself and in my every day  life where through integrating these tools of self-investigation such as self-honesty, self-writing, self-forgiveness, living words and laying out practical solutions for change becomes a new way in which I think, in which I can use ‘what’s here’ in my moment to learn about myself, to devise solutions, to test them out, to fine tune my expression, to stand up from mistakes, to create new paths for me to walk on, to expand the way in which I conceive me as part of this world, to learn to see others as equal in living substance.

And this is how through the application of all of this with dedication and consistency, one can in fact develop much of the supportive and realistic aspects or values that we tend to project about ourselves as ‘having changed’ and having all these virtues and supportive habits – but then it is the result of this day by day application, it is a direct consequence of one’s decision to support oneself in every moment and live the words and commitments that one has laid out to change.

In this change ceases to be this ‘chimera’ to someday, somehow ‘suddenly reach’ this self that we want to be, instead it is a very real and practical process where we go creating the person that we want to be and live as for the rest of our lives for and by ourselves, in every moment. This is about the person you’ll be with for the rest of your life!

Long blog! but that’s what I essentially wanted to share today, how a lot of the ‘cool words’ or ‘ideals’ we want to live such as confidence, assertiveness, self-trust, discipline, responsibility, comfort, enjoyment, the ability to establish supportive relationships with others, etc. are the result of processes over space and time that one can go working on a daily basis with, and that’s how what matters is not the ‘end result’ or a ‘perfected-self’ at the end of your life, but what matters is who one is on a day to day, moment by moment basis, that’s the only life we ever ‘own’ really, and that’s why projecting change into the future is pointless, really, and a waste of breaths and potential to who we can be in the moment, today.

Join in!

  

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


508. Let’s Stop Repeating Ourselves

Or how to stop repeating the worst of ourselves in the past in our current moment with self-awareness and self-honesty

 

One of the great things about learning to observe oneself in one’s mind and learning to be aware of the patterns, habits, tendencies, ways of ‘being’ that we develop throughout our lives is that in doing this along with the principle or starting point of bettering ourselves, of being able to change ‘our ways’ over time, we can stop recreating our problems, difficulties and generally non-supportive experiences of our past in our present and so our future.

For example, in my case what came up in me the moment I realized that I was again going to be facing what I had defined as ‘a difficult/tough time’ in my life based on how I have lived through the same or similar situation before, I allowed myself to initially go through this expectation and laying out before me in my mind, in the way of imagination, projecting all the same emotional experiences, all the sadness and sorrow and essentially my worst case scenario situation, repeating the exact same ‘bad time’ I had before with a consequence like this, but this time I did stop myself in that moment and said to myself “Wait a minute, It Doesn’t Have to Be This Way Again!”

And as simple as this intervention may have been in the moment, it opened my eyes to realize that this time I didn’t have to prepare myself to essentially repeat all the ‘bad times’ I have created for me before in similar situations. I realized my ability to change how I face this consequence this time around, I realized that the whole point of going through various situations in our lives is precisely to be able to learn from them and so be better prepared to face stuff in our lives the following times.

What I’ve done this time is process it better in the context of owning my creation, taking responsibility for what I can do, be and change for myself, which is part of what I’ve been sharing lately in these blogs. This is very relevant to consider because many times we actually end up justifying any emotional reactions based on the position we take in such situations that we usually impose or assign to ourselves based on memories, and in memories which is ‘who we are in our minds’ we definitely are not our ‘supportive self’ unless one actually creates memories of self-support, which would be a different story.

This is about becoming aware of how in the moment of facing tough times, consequences, a point of creation that went in an unexpected way, it’s important to keep our awareness clear not going into ‘bringing up memories’ or adopting ‘past ways’, making sure one is not adopting a position that we have played out in the past that led to an emotional reaction, led down the path of depression or generally being destructive – this is what’s dictated mostly by ourselves in our minds where upon facing such tough moments, we immediately tend to associate our Current Situation with a Similar Past Situation and then adopt the same reactions or stance as in the past – and in doing so, we actually condemn ourselves to repeat the same mistakes, the same outflows, the same emotional reactions with no change, like broken records.

That’s why it’s very important to not condition our Current Reality to the memories of how we ‘lived out’ a situation in the past but instead use this current reality as an opportunity to do things differently, an opportunity to break through the pattern of who one once was, to make a directive decision to not wallow in helplessness, hopelessness, depression or just ‘giving up’ but to stand in a supportive stance, one of introspection, self-reflection based on self-responsibility and self-honesty – which means, focused on oneself, not on ‘others’ and ‘what they did or didn’t do’ – but realizing that this is our chance, our moment and our opportunity to stand up for once and for all.

This is a simple reflection to share today, to not repeat ourselves in the present moment based on our – excuse the word –fucked up past experiences – but learn from them, grow from it, show to ourselves that we’ve in fact learned from our past and gotten better at facing consequences in our lives. This is satisfying to do, that despite the nature and process to walk through in a consequence, it still can be a fulfilling process for oneself, because we give ourselves the proof that we can in fact change and do things differently and so whatever comes, we can be clearer, wiser and stronger to face it.

Surely, I also have to be careful of not creating a ‘super human’ approach to it, because that would be like going into a ‘high’ and so it will invariably cause its polar opposite of a low – not about positive thinking as a solution either. It’s about a genuine sense of stability, of empowerment for a lack of better word where one can see that as much as it will be tough, challenging to face a point of abrupt change or consequences that one wasn’t expecting to go through, one can still go through it and learn from it, and expand and grow by taking responsibility for it, by developing self-honesty in it, and that’s very cool to say the least, it’s self-supportive.

As I shared before, sometimes we don’t realize how much we have been living in a very static status quo until we see the floor beneath us be shaken, it pushes us to reassess who we are, what we are creating, reassess our decisions and direction in life, so we can always make of these ‘raucous’ times the best for ourselves, to reaffirm what we want to create, how we want to stand through the face of consequences and let that define us, not our falls, not our mistakes, not our ‘wrong turns’ – and I’ve found that very, very supportive for myself, therefore sharing it here as well for anyone that may be finding themselves in a similar situation to this.

We always have the ability to stop the past within ourselves every moment in our present, by stopping the patterns that we know have never been supportive for ourselves in our lives, to finally step out of the fears, the un-supportive ideas that we’ve thought ourselves to ‘be like’ that one knows in self-honesty are not the best parts of ourselves, therefore why do we have to keep feeding it, accepting it and allowing it as ‘who we are’?

We have the ability to stand up and make a change, in the moment, in breathing and letting go of the past in one moment, in self-forgiving the emotions and experiences that emerge and instead decide to live a word, a supportive word that we can see assists us in establishing our ground, build our ground underneath our feet and get back on track.

 

Thanks for reading

 

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Artwork by: Damian Ledesma

 


Join us in our process of Individuals standing as Equals as LIFE


507. From V-Day to U-Day

 

I read the following quote by Sunette Spies today and I see it as a very important message for all of us to consider in days like today where Valentine’s day has been for many – including myself in the past – a cause of anger, sadness or despair for not being in a relationship, which is definitely not necessary since we all have the ability to redefine how these global-celebrations are lived by each one of us so, here’s her quote:

Yes, today is Valentine’s Day – the 14th of February – globally. I reflected on this day, even with being in a relationship. Looking at the symbolism of the letter V, inspiring me to do this post and also a video soon to come!!! The following opened up for me:

Transforming V to U – V-Day to U-Day. What does this mean?
Even if you are in a relationship – you are still an individual….This is something many forget, neglect, don’t consider or simply haven’t looked at. Being an individual means YOU as who you are as an individual person choose, and every day essentially chooses to share yourself, grow, commit, learn, enjoy, built, create etc. a relationship and / or life with another. In this process, it becomes 1 + 1 = 2: one individual + one individual = a relationship. A trinity is formed. Two INDIVIDUALS creating a relationship.

eVery day should be V-Day and / or U-Day!!! We redefine then the ONE Valentine’s Day we GLOBALLY SHARE as a GLOBAL CELEBRATION of oneself as individual and / or one’s relationship with one’s partner as I do know there is also family days, friends days etc. that are globally celebrated.
YOU CAN OWN VALENTINES DAY!!! In a way of defining and celebrating it for yourself as you see fit – rather than in any way being emotional, judgmental, allowing yourself to go into comparison of others etc.

My message to all this day is: OWN THIS DAY!!! Define and celebrate it in a way that SUPPORTS and EMPOWERS you as a person and how you live. In the end, what will matter the most is your integrity, love, care, consideration and regard as a person towards yourself and others…

MUCH more to come in videos soon to be posted! Enjoy yourself this day as much as any other day…you are ALWAYS WITH YOU!!!” – Sunette Spies

 

Based on this, I’d like to share on the importance of this self-relationship because many times we come to accept and allow the belief that our happiness depends on being with another in a relationship, and sometimes we might even get to live out that type of experiences only to in the end see that without the person, we are still with ourselves and no matter if we are in a relationship or not, what remains is self, here, that we continue to live as and with.

I know, it sounds almost ‘weird’ to say that the first relationship we should establish in self-agreement is with ourselves and that means precisely walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness, self honesty and self-support, having ourselves as our starting point, reason or motivation for it.

Through walking this process for myself, and over time and through the various relationships I’ve had with partners, friends, colleagues, one thing is certain: change and I have been there before in my life where ‘the end of a relationship’ would mean ‘the end of my world’ for some time and it was usually very hard to step back on my own two feet, precisely because I was not focusing on first creating a relationship with myself, in essence living for myself, appreciating me, enjoying me, supporting me first and foremost.

I had mostly lived out a pattern of ‘being there for another’ and through that ‘completing myself’ which is definitely not sustainable, it was not healthy for myself or for another because that’s how dependency is created in relationships. I learned this the hard way, but through walking the Agreements: Redefining Relationships Course while I was alone or without a partner in my life, it assisted me to ground myself in understanding how no matter if I was alone or in a relationship, the focus of support was still on myself. It assisted me to precisely understand what this Self-Relationship is and throughout the whole course I got to see how a relationship is in fact a sum of 2 people, not ‘me completing another’ or me being ‘fulfilled’ by another, I got to see how no relationship that is supportive can last when one is not existing in that self-agreement to support ourselves first.

And this is how the word agreement is used as a way to define relationships where one person in self-agreement, in their own self-relationship can walk with another in the same self-agreement and self-relationship to then stand together and create this agreement of two individuals, a redefined-relationship in fact.

In doing this, one is also better equipped for whichever outcome is in a relationship, no matter the hardships, obstacles, starting overs or break ups. For example, if the relationship ends, sure there is the whole process of having to part ways and get used to being alone again – however this is a much ‘smoother’ process as well when one has a cemented relationship with oneself in self-support and self-honesty, wherein in that self-support and self-agreement one has lived within a relationship, no matter if the other person is no longer there, what one does for oneself as self-support doesn’t change, what one has grown and learned from the relationship remains there as oneself, how one has assisted and supported oneself in practical terms in one’s life and at an emotional level doesn’t change if the other person is no longer there.

Of course there are changes in terms of activities done by both in a relationship and any other practical arrangements in day to day living, but those changes are also able to be faced with more stability, strength and determination when one has already realized that, as Sunette explains, no matter if one is in a relationship or not, we are always with ourselves and that is something that is very cool to understand in the depth that it implies, because then we don’t depend on something or someone else for us to develop ourselves, to grow as people, to change the ways that we know we have to adjust in ourselves, to develop a genuine care for our bodies, our mind and so our lives and plans in it. It is always up to us, regardless of being in a relationship or not.

It’s interesting how we’ve come to accept a notion of ‘void’ or ‘lack’ if one is not in a relationship and allowing it to be a part of self-definition that is usually seen as a ‘lesser value’ or ‘in the waiting for it’ – when the fact is that in doing so, we are suppressing or not looking at the relationship that is by far the most important one in our lives: with ourselves, because no matter ‘where’ we are or with ‘who’ we are, we are always with ourselves and it is ourselves that we will genuinely ‘be with’ for the rest of our lives, which is great as well to realize ‘no matter what’ I always got me, my support, my words to live and my life to continue expanding on.

So, I can wholeheartedly recommend assisting oneself through the Agreements Course, specially if you can identify with what I mentioned earlier as the ‘who I was’ previously in relationships where I would literally lose my ground whenever I had to end a relationship and I’ve found out that this doesn’t have to be that way, one can decide to not give into those patterns and instead strengthen and rekindle – if you will – the relationship to oneself, because it is quite liberating at the same time for oneself and for others to not make ourselves dependent on others to live in self-fulfillment, in self-enjoyment and self-support, wherein we can decide to look at life through the eyes of owning our creation, owning our time of the day every day.

Therefore it is up to us then to instead of going into reactions like sadness or fatalism for being or not being in a relationship ‘with another’, I’d rather say: focus on the relationship with yourself because it’s with you that You’ll live with for the rest of your life, it’s your body, your mind the one that you’ll have to ‘stand through’ and with until your last breath and if we haven’t given to ourselves that actual love, care, consideration, support and enjoyment of who we are as a person, as an individual, alone,  then how can we expect any other person to ‘give it to us’? That’s how love turns to hate which Is what I have explained in a previous blog if you want to check it out.

I suggest embracing yourself and realizing how we are not really ‘alone’ as we are always with ourselves – and at the same time it is also up to us to expand our definition of relationships to others in a supportive manner, expanding this self-agreement in our relationship with any other person is certainly a suggestion here as well, so that no matter ‘what’ goes on in our lives and paths, we always have our ourselves as our own ground, our starting point of self-support, our own self-care and self-love, and in turn be able to give it to others as a genuine expression of ourselves, not as a ‘need’ or ‘lack’ or ‘convenience’ of sorts.

That’s definitely the kind of human beings I’d like us all to be, to be able to stand alone and be self-caring, self-fulfilled individuals that can join paths to create something of support together for ourselves and for others  – yet can function as units or ‘stand alones’ in an equally supportive manner. That’s the real equality equation of 1+1=2 and that’s what I want to continue practicing being and standing as in my life and with others in my life.

Thanks for reading,

Enjoy

 

Artwork001 color 2

 

Join us in our process of Individuals standing as Equals as LIFE


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