Category Archives: self judgment

547. How to Live Humbleness

 

 

Today I’ll write some self forgiveness to see what I haven’t yet lived and applied in relation to humbleness and the specific and subtle aspects where I miss out on living this very relevant word for me.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the consideration of every person’s living context, abilities, skills, life experience and the rest of patterns and habits that create who each individual is wherein I can approach each person with a set of eyes that is devoid of taking ‘me/myself’ into consideration only, but learns to see and get to know an individual for who and what they are in their own creation, as an individual that cannot be measured in ‘better’ or ‘worse’ type of values, but an individual that I can learn to approach and get to know through time and developing communication/getting to know a person, and learning to see who they are in the moment – not based on their past, not based on ‘ideas’ I’ve created about others – but entirely focusing on their words, their actions and deeds in the moment wherein I stop comparing ‘who they are’ to any sort of ‘ideal’ I create about myself or others in a certain situation.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a differentiation between myself and other people based on a perception of skills or abilities – instead of realizing I can in humbleness use my skills, abilities and do whatever I am capable of living and doing in order to assist others if they also want to assist themselves in improving certain skills, supporting themselves in their own life wherein my humbleness approach is then not based on wanting others to develop ‘the same as me’ or ‘become like me’ but it is about me learning to assist another to sculpt themselves, to polish their strengths and strengthen their weaknesses where I can also learn to know an individual for who they are, devoid of ‘more’ or ‘less’/ superior or inferior contexts, but learning to see people the same way that I see trees or parts of nature that I’ve learned to not compare to one another – because that’s a humble approach to life and to us living beings that are worlds in ourselves and cannot be ‘measured’ in any value-system way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself, my life to a set of perceived ‘skills’ only wherein I can instead be humble in realizing that those ways in which I perceived myself as ‘better than’ others are a limitation, because in reality I want to approach people from a genuinely equal stand point wherein I learn to quiet my ‘analyzer-mind’ that tends to quickly judge and ‘gauge’ people, and instead be here hearing what another person has to say, to learn to take in their words, their deeds as who they are in the moment without judgment or appraisal – wherein I can stand equal to them in that moment and simply share myself if I have something to contribute to and if not, be ok with simply being there getting to know an individual.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t allowed myself to live humbleness in my overall approach to people and how I see people where I can use my skills and ways of living and how I can be focused in the details of things and be specific with myself in order to assist others to learn to do the same for others – so that whatever I see is a potential to develop within myself and others can be shared and so instead of me defining myself according to a particular set of skills or abilities, I can use them to assist others and in doing so expand self’s potentials to live in a supportive manner if I see in common sense that is beneficial for everyone involved.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a subtle arrogance and superiority towards people whenever I’ve allowed myself to go into an impatience towards others, instead of realizing I can use my own skills and place them into application to be patient, to be humble, to be considerate of another’s pace in life and process, wherein I then use this skill of being meticulous and detailed in order to get to know others better and continue challenging myself to be able to place myself in their shoes and see how it would be best to assist others as well from their stand point and considering their current ‘views’ and stance, wherein I can apply humbleness as in stopping seeing ‘through my own eyes’ and learn to see from where another is and what they are experiencing because that is what I would like to develop as a skill that it actually becomes an interesting challenge for myself, to be ‘self-less’ when approaching others in the context of getting to know them or being in a context of providing assistance and support towards them.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to use this skill of ‘being aware’ of myself in order to also be more aware of other people, their lives, their context and learn to fully embrace them in who they are without any judgments, without being exigent or over-analyzing others’ situations and experiences, wherein being humble means reminding myself about my own process wherein I know what it is to feel ‘lost’ in my mind and having a perception of seeing ‘no way out’ wherein I can learn to breathe, be stable, relax whenever I am getting frustrated or desperate in relation to seeing repetitive patterns in my life that of others and in consequence of our own reality loops that will continue existing as such until I decide to stop justifying my impatience and reactions towards ‘repetition’, and instead live humbleness as the consideration of each one’s pace and living process which may or may not be like ‘my experience, ‘ but here it is to stop comparing myself to everyone else for once and for all because that’s the real essence of humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see how the notion of specialness exists as the core of separation in our minds, because when applying humbleness towards one another, we learn to consider each other’s lives and minds completely without any judgment, without any ‘value’ attached to it as more or less or inferior and superior – and this is the essence of equality of learning to see with a new pair of eyes wherein I can stand next to a person – not above, not below – and learn to see who they are through their words, through their body language, through their presence and be ‘self-less’ in that moment so that I can stop comparing myself to them or creating an idea of ‘who they should be’ in that moment, but learn to see in innocence as if I was there for the first time facing them and their situation.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to see things always as if it was ‘the first time’ that I approach a context or a situation in relation to walking a process with another person, wherein I can let go of the judgments I’ve created towards others and who they are and instead approach them anew, each time, so that I can then learn to approach a person from their current reality, instead of holding a ‘profile’ of another and myself towards them from the past and so recreating the past which is what I have to stop doing in order to embrace the moment, the current reality as is without judgment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an exasperation and impatience towards other people instead of considering that it is not about ‘others’ that I create an experience but about my own relationship to ‘others’ existing as judgments and piled-up experiences that I have to first sort out within myself, wherein I can apply humbleness as a first point of letting go of any assessments and ‘qualifications’ I have tended to project onto others and instead be humble in how I operate within myself, wherein I can learn to see myself in others in whichever phase or context they are in and stop referencing ‘back to myself’ to decide ‘who others are for me’ and instead learn to see ‘who they are’ for what they are and do – and that’s it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to exist as elitism in the past wherein through not wanting to get to know all kinds of people I would in fact limit my ability to get to know and appreciate other humans that are also myself and so I was preventing myself from living equality. Whereas currently that I am more focusing on living this equality, I am able to be more open and initiate conversations with others to get to know them and I do require at the same time to do so in full equality instead of subtly going into the ‘I know better’ or ‘I know what kind of people you are’ wherein this becomes a limitation in that moment, so I have to focus on being detailed, specific and quite diligent in stopping my own assumptions I can create towards people even upon a first conversation and instead learn to see them in innocence, without judgments, without ‘qualifications’ of any kind, but be there as a physical being, not a mind-being.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live arrogance as the set of identification of my ‘intellect’ as something superior to that of others, when in fact this same apparent ‘intellect’ becomes the very set of programming that I have to now debunk within myself in order to learn to truly live the word humbleness which cannot be tied at all with knowledge and information, because being humble means fully approaching something like a child would do, without any perceptions, ideas, beliefs, notions about myself or another – and in this, true equality emerges where I learn to see another individual and myself for who I am in the moment, instead of re-loading the plethora of memories, ideas of myself that I have recreated as a mind-set of patterns that I am aware is not supportive. Therefore I want to approach people in innocence and humbleness wherein I can stop any quick assessment related to values, perceptions, ideas, beliefs and push myself to see myself and others for who they are in the moment, regardless of what went ‘before’ them or myself, and so live in the moment assessing reality, not holding on to ‘who I am’ as the past to approach people in this moment of reality.

 

I realize that living humbleness also means being devoid of definitions as particular perceptions of skills, experiences or ‘beneficial aspects’ within myself because that only exists as a notion in my head, and all that matters in a single moment is not who I am as all of that baggage of knowledge and information or tools I can use, but all that matters is how I stand in a moment in relation to a person, wherein I have to now be very specific in not recreating this pattern of superiority and inferiority that I’ve lived throughout my whole life in a very subtle manner, yet ever present.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be humble towards myself and so as an extension towards others wherein I can learn to see people as physical beings and assess who they are in the moment based on the words in the moment, their actions in the moments and be willing to ‘start anew’ each time with them, wherein I can use memory only as a reference of what I know of them, but not to hold that past against myself or others either, because this is not a humble approach to life, so I can be humble in approaching each one ‘anew’ which is in fact approaching life and others in self-forgiveness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to see that I wanted others to ‘see me’ in a different manner as in not placing myself as ‘superior’ or ‘more than’ themselves, but I didn’t realize how I was doing this towards myself and vice versa wherein we create the same patterns of superiority and inferiority in the most subtle ways that we approach one another – therefore I can live humbleness in ensuring that I am being completely equal to another in a moment, without ‘mind interference’  or ‘mind noise’ that judges, that criticizes and the rest of it, but instead be open, vulnerable, humble, considerate and caring in my communication with others, in my reading towards others and in my general interactions with other human beings no matter ‘where’ I get to interact with others or whatever the ‘context’ might be.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give any value to intellect as a point of ‘superiority’ when in fact, this is the very thing that cages us in values and perceptions we create towards everything in ‘consciousness terms,’ because life is not knowledge, life is a living and is a ‘blank slate’ approach from a moment to moment – it is only us as consciousness systems and beings that can generate such separation through our minds towards life, therefore I have to learn how to be life and stop the lies as ‘intellect’  – knowledge and information – from being any form of self-definition within me.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the consideration towards others in self-support, instead of having ‘diminished’ myself to experience problems and conflicts in order to be ‘equal’ to others in my past, instead of seeing how I can be a point of support and share towards others how we can be the better version of ourselves and tap into our potential wherein humbleness becomes not only a way to approach others and learn from them and take them ‘as they are’ but also expands into considering our potential, the creation of the better version of ourselves and this I can start doing by sharing myself and this process in itself of how I decide to stop defining me through knowledge and information and instead see how I can practically become a better living being in something as simple as how I approach a person, a set of information, a context, a culture, a conversation with a strange – any and all things are opportunities and points wherein I can learn to apply humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to breathe through reading, listening to another or getting to be part of a conversation with people and learn to see others as their words in the moment, and not ‘hold others captive’ based on who they have been in the past, because living humbleness and consideration means approaching the moment as is without ‘baggage of the past’ – and this is also something to apply to myself of course wherein living in the moment means not reliving the same judgmental patterns within my mind, but be clear, be anew, approach the moment in innocence – yet with the experience of common sense and self-honesty as well.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the application of equality and considering others in placing myself in the shoes of another without the notion that ‘I am doing this to ‘reduce myself’ because that single perception of ‘reducing’ me, is coming from a form of superiority – therefore I realize that placing myself in the shoes of another is a true equal one on one, no more, no less and this I have to be very cautious and aware of when placing it into application.

 

I commit myself to live humbleness as the consideration of my process and every one else’s unique process and position in life wherein I cannot compare myself to anyone nor vice versa, because each individual is unique and having a very particular set of experiences and living conditions that I cannot at all ever cage into a judgment or ‘value’ of sorts – but only consider equality and consider the potential that we can bring out in each other if approaching ourselves in humbleness.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the ability to stand as and in the shoes of another, wherein there is no need to try and ‘connect’ but rather to realize I am them as well and I don’t have to connect through a personality with others, but I can learn to see directly who they are through their expression, and so being humble to get to know another for who they are in that moment and so over time without holding another captive to ‘initial or past memories’ created towards them, which are always not about ‘them’ but about how I used my mind to cage another in certain values and experiences.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness as the understanding of who we are in our minds and so approach each mind, each person, each life without a judgment to it, wherein I can yes still see and understand patterns, see what another is experiencing but without adding it a judgment as a value of that being ‘good’ or ‘bad’ or ‘superior’ or ‘inferior’ anymore – but stick to seeing what is possible if one works on developing a potential, such as the process that it takes to develop self-honesty, learning to be ok with seeing the truth of ourselves, our flaws and be willing to be committed to work on those as part of our humble approach to life as well, because this means we have no limitation as well to do something and to give ourselves an opportunity to live.

 

I commit myself to live attention within myself in my interaction with others wherein I can be humble in my approach towards others and embrace them as equals, learn to see them ‘anew’ in a moment and so also be humble within myself to learn and practice what it is to live equality, which is being devoid of the gauging-mindset or set of polarity values that are separate and have no relationship to life – I instead can be living and embodying equality within myself so that I can ensure my approach towards the life in others is seen in innocence and common sense, considering what’s best for myself and them and the context and life itself.

 

I commit myself to learn to approach another person without any judgment of ‘who I am’ in relation to them, but instead be devoid of knowledge and information that defines me as ‘more or less than’ another, but be physical, be attentive in who I am in that moment and so who another or others are in the moment, because that’s the kind of embracing equality and humbleness that I want to live in my life and that I know will simplify the way I relate to myself and others, where there are no more ‘expectations’ or ‘pre-tense’ but simply living in the moment, as life and that’s the way forward for me. J

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


545. Living Adaptability

§  Continuing from: 530. The Secret Behind Attraction
and second part to 544. Being Inadaptable as Self-Limitation

 

I had an interesting dream after having written about this point of inadaptability which I explain in a nutshell in this vlog that I made today for context, but overall it was very cool for me to get some clarity of this point that I opened up yesterday about ‘inadaptability’ and seeing from another perspective what I was in fact accepting and allowing to exist within me but seen from another perspective.

Here I apply a suggested way to approach self-forgiveness which was shared in the following Eqafe.com interview:  Breakups: Problem-Solution-Change! – Atlanteans – Part 466 which is a great series and this approach for the solution is something I’ll test out from here on.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace reality as myself as where, through allowing judgments as liking or disliking a particular weather or a particular living set-up, I’ve allowed my judgments to create an obstacle in me being fully comfortable, grounded and enjoying my life and interaction with others regardless of ‘where’ I am located and what the weather conditions are or how the environment looks like.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word equality towards the physical environment I can be living in, wherein through allowing a belief such as “weather conditions can drain me and make me ‘lose my efficiency” I’ve been existing in a form of blame towards natural conditions that I’ve created a reaction to, instead of realizing that living this comfort and stability within me is not dependent on ‘the external factors’ or conditions, but it can only be lived through stopping the judgments I allowed myself to create towards heat for example or having fears towards particular animals, fearing having no access to basic resources wherein I believe that all of these factors place my life at risk – instead of seeing how I haven’t allowed myself to be expandable as in being grounded within myself wherever I am or can settle in and so focusing on living the word adaptability and flexibility when it comes to getting used to a particular environment and ensuring there are no judgments/separation towards it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word embrace towards the environments I’ve lived in that I’ve judged as having ‘extreme’ conditions or particular lacks or deficiencies, making my entire experience subject to the external factors, instead of realizing how I am the directive principle within myself and I decide what kind of experiences or judgments I turn into an actual  way to experience reality through my own acceptance and allowance – therefore I realize that living the word adaptability or being adaptable is the ability to embrace an environment as is, to not judge it, to not react to it based on preprogrammed reactions of my past that I have recreated and ‘rehashed’ in my current moment and making it ‘as the reality of who I am’ based on my own participation in it, wherein I haven’t allowed myself to be congruent in living the word Equality not only towards people, but also towards the physical environment, other beings that are non-human and all of its conditions in it that are also an extension of myself.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word flexibility whenever I have seen myself feeling appalled by a particular weather condition wherein there are ways to mitigate the outflows of extreme heat for example, yet while I was in those conditions I decided to get frustrated and feel ‘paralyzed’ instead of seeking solutions and stopping the irritation that I created within myself ‘towards the heat itself’ here

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to fully take responsibility for my own experiences as reactions created towards particular weather conditions, such as irritation, annoyance, discomfort and helplessness caused towards ‘heat’ which are entirely my own creation and I have the ability to decide to stop it all considering how much of a habit it has become in my life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word disposition wherein I can be an ‘available matter’ to go, be or live in wherever environment I have to be at, wherein I’ve used the excuse of my reaction towards heat as a reason to not go to certain places, using the self-definition of having ‘aversion to heat’ as a reason to justify why I am not willing to embrace a particular environment and its weather condition – which is proof of how if I allow these judgments, beliefs and reactions towards reality, I cause myself a limitation, wherein I see that I can expand and be much more flexible and pliable if I let go of these charged memories of judging, disliking and being uncomfortable towards heat.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word humbleness in the context of being able to adapt to an environment that is not what I have conditioned to deem as ‘suitable’ or ‘perfect’ in terms of certain standards I’ve created throughout my life and within that, having allowed comparison to dictate my decisions of where to live, instead of making a practical assessment to see the reasons to go and live in a particular environment without making the weather factor, the cultural factor, the ‘people around the environment’ factor a reason to limit my ability to expand, learn and grow as a person in a new environment.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be tranquil and at peace and ease when experiencing myself in extreme weather conditions or new environments wherein I can require a process of adaptation, wherein I’ve allowed myself to go into desperation, helplessness, irritation, annoyance and ‘blaming the heat’ instead of rather learning to question who am I as these words that exist within me, as experiences that I create and pull out whenever I ‘feel’ extreme heat, therefore I commit myself to live self-awareness in my relationship to how I experience my physical body in higher temperatures specifically and make sure I can breathe and ground myself in my body and not allow myself to recreate the same old patterns around it.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to not yet fully live the word responsibility for my reactions which stem from my mind, not my physical body because my body has the ability to adapt along with any form of additional support such as being well hydrated in terms of extreme heat – therefore I stop the blame towards ‘heat’ and instead look back at myself and my memorized reactions I have to stop participating in.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word relax when going out and feeling the rays of the sun hitting on my face and all over my body, wherein my immediate reaction is that of discomfort, annoyance, cringing, wanting to ‘go back inside’ or only seeking the shadows – which of course in terms of a prolonged sun exposure it can be too much for the body and skin, but it is possible to still be under the sun and be ok within oneself, not participating in reactions considering that weather can be challenging and all human beings get to experience it in a physical manner the same way – but it is up to each one of us how we decide to live through it: embracing it or constantly fighting it – and I choose to live the word embrace in relation to heat and embracing the sun rays and sun light along with the necessary support for the body to be ok with extreme heat.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live humbleness in the context of being in environments or households that lacked basic services wherein I’ve allowed myself to go into fear of not being able to survive through that, instead of realizing that my fear and stress consumes and affects my body a lot more than the lack of certain basic services in a momentary manner.

Of course here also realizing how much we are depriving fellow beings from living to their utmost potential because of not having placed ourselves in their shoes to realize what billions have to endure when not having access to their basic resources, starting with food and water, and so in this, I also realize I haven’t placed myself in a point of equality to genuinely see that what I’m accepting to exist towards those billions is actually done all to myself as well and that nothing will in fact change if I continue simply fearing being in such precarious condition, instead of living resilience, an ability to adapt and keep going even if basic things we take for granted are suddenly not  available, yet of course continuing to create awareness of the need to sort out this problem for many more in the world.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to truly live the word equality towards animals, wherein I’ve still accepted fears and experiences of disgust towards them, perceiving some animals as intimidating or a cause of disruption of my environment, wherein I have in fact limited myself from really embracing them as life, as a part of who we all are and not seeing that I had existed in judgment towards them as something that I could only tolerate, but not fully embrace, instead of actually pushing myself to learn to embrace, which is to not judge, to not see through the filter of preferences, but to learn to see and live with them as an equal part of life that is here as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word adaptability in relation to weather conditions, wherein I’ve conditioned my own ‘state of mind’ to be defined and influenced based on ‘weather conditions’ all the time – therefore allowing me to react to external conditions – instead of realizing I can decide who I am in every moment and not allowing a weather-condition to define me.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace the different kinds of weather and instead having gone to specify what is an enjoyable weather and what is not, which means that I’ve made myself subject to a how hot or cold an environment is to feel a particular way, an amount of clouds or lack thereof in the sky, the amount of wind or lack thereof there is, the presence or absence of rain, how ‘clear’ the air around is, how noisy or quiet the environment is, how dirty or clean my surroundings are – all of which I’ve defined as the experience of being inadaptable and generally ‘picky’ in my reality, which I am determined to instead live as the words embrace, humbleness, being forgiving and uncritical, non-judgmental which is the actual way to stop then placing my body under a ‘programmed’ stress that I then have blamed ‘heat’ to be the cause of, when in fact, it’s all self-created.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to challenge the learned and acquired patterns related to ‘reacting towards heat’ learned from others in my environment, wherein it becomes a righteous experience that goes unquestioned, instead of realizing that we always have the ability to choose to not get reactive and emotionally overwhelmed about something, but embracing it, especially with everything that has to do with conditions, factors and contexts that I have no ability to change, such as weather.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to be flexible and pliable in relation to the process of adapting to a particular environment or set of weather conditions, instead of wanting to be controlling towards my environment which only results in a constant inner-fight wherein I do more damage to my very own physical body through the emotional experience than the weather condition I believe is making me ‘feel’ a certain way or causing certain damage in my body.

 

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word acceptance and embracing when it comes to reality and all of its factors wherein the moment I start judging, I start separating myself and so begin justifying a fight, a conflict towards a part of reality – being it a context or environment, people, animals, wherein I have to remind myself to live equality towards them and that implies no judgment, not acting out on judgments, not making decisions based on emotional experiences or judgments, but learn to be very practically-oriented when making decisions, ensuring I am clear in my ability to work through these reactions which are really not a big deal if living the word embrace and acceptance – I definitely have blown things out of proportion in my head and that’s another thing I have to stop within me as well.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to live the word flow wherein I can breathe through any emergence of reactions towards the weather, but instead I have become so used to always having a comment about the weather and how bothered I am by it or how much I am enjoying it which then becomes a polarity I’ve kept alive within me as some form of ‘righteousness’ with which I have created consequences in my life, that I had overlooked or deemed as not-important – when in fact, every single aspect of who we are in everything we do represents and speaks a lot about ourselves and ‘who we are’ in relation to life.

So this is one of those things that I would not have gone and opened up by my own volition because it was an ingrained set of reactions I had normalized in my life and it’s only through looking at the word adaptability as a trait that I would like to live and develop, that all of this opened up for me to look at and have present within myself whenever the ‘same old’ experiences may want to come up again, which is the moment where I need to apply myself and in essence, stop fighting my reality in whichever sensation I can perceive it to be, it is ultimately just that, a perception.

 I commit myself to live the word challenge as in questioning myself and the righteous reactions I’ve created towards particular weather conditions, environments, cultures, livelihood set ups and instead be flexible, humble, considerate of others, be ‘flowy’ and adaptable wherever I get to be and live in or experience myself in, because it ultimately all depends on who I decide to be in every moment and live that decision as words to live.

So, this is a plan for me to keep awareness on and apply in my reality from here on.

Thanks for reading

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


532. Expressing Self-Trust and Confidence

 

§  Continuing from: 531. Redefining Self-Confidence

 

Here I’ll apply self-forgiveness on all the points I wrote out in the previous blogs, in order to tackle my self-created limitations and for once and for all rather see the benefit of owning my creation as my expression.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience hesitation, self-doubt and lack of confidence whenever I am having to make decisions on my own and have no one to reference my decisions with, wherein I have gotten used to always being able to have the approval or disapproval of others to then decide to make a particular decision in my life alone – instead of realizing that regardless of what others might say, I am the one that will ultimately live with the outcome of such decision and as such, it is ultimately a point where I have to learn to trust myself, which in this case means learning from making my own decisions, moves and choices and accordingly walk through them, not fearing making mistakes or going ‘the wrong’ way because that’s how I’ve found that I get to then define and fine tune my decisions, my next steps and next choices.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not investigate what is really behind the hesitation, self doubt or uncertainty before which is in fact a fear of making mistakes, a fear of not really achieving my utmost potential – however I forget that such outcome as ‘best potential’ can only exist through practice, through making many choices, possibly many mistakes and walking many paths to then get to find ‘my expression’ wherein, in fear, I actually don’t get to truly develop myself because of existing mostly in ‘fear’ and as such in a constant limitation that leads me to be in a stifling position, ‘giving up’ in doing something out of giving too much weight on an outcome or the opinions on them, instead of realizing that I am the only one that is able to give weight – or a negative value – to mistakes, to attempts, to apparent ‘failed choices’ – and instead learn from it, stand up and do it all over again.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rely on others’ opinions and perspectives on my expression in order to keep going or completely use them as a deterrent to stop my expression in certain ways, instead of realizing that a point of expression is to represent who I am in that particular moment with what I want to create, what I want to communicate to others ultimately and as such, there is no ‘right or wrong’ or ‘good or bad’ in it, but only a process of referencing myself, seeing how satisfied or not I am with it, taking myself into consideration and not looking for others’ opinions to decide to continue or not.

I realize that I have been my own worst critic as well so, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be my own worst critic wherein I have defined what I do as not ‘good enough’ when I compare it to what others do/express and so, have allowed myself to use this judgment as a reason to completely give up on something and get into an experience of ‘what’s the use’ – when a point of expression is precisely about practicing, doing it as much as one can until one can create or build a point of self-trust and confidence in it, which I can attest is definitely a process in other aspects of my life, but interestingly enough when it comes to creative expression, it’s like hitting a wall and this is mostly based on others’ feedback that I’ve taken ‘to the heart’, instead of staying true to myself, referencing it with myself first and foremost.

 I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in self-doubt when it comes to assessing ‘what to do next’ or ‘what could I change or improve’ wherein the actual fear behind it is ‘fucking it up’ – wrecking it, messing it and so apparently ‘lose out’ an opportunity to have created something that I could be ‘proud of’ – but in reality there is nothing that we can create in ‘one go’ and have it come out ‘perfectly’ at once, and I realize that this ‘perfectionism’ or the idea that I have about what I can be satisfied with can be a huge show-stopper to me if I dare to start over-analyzing everything and then concluding that it is not what I expected, or it wasn’t as I intended – instead of realizing that this is a process of self-creation and self-expression, it takes practice, will take time, will take several tries maybe, but the point is to persevere and not give up ‘trying’ or getting frustrated for not getting a desired outcome.

I realize the practicality of practice and perseverance in this, wherein over time and continuous practice I am aware we can get to be more confident in doing anything – and the same therefore can be created in any point of artistic expression.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to give judgments, opinions, positive and negative values to words in relation to any point of artistic expression to the point of using them to validate or disqualify what I do as ‘good enough,’ where deep down I know I can trust myself in what I see, but have ultimately usually veered to get others’ reference and perspectives, which over the years I’ve used as a reason to not keep going, but, this is entirely my own decision, my own process in reality that I cannot blame on anyone’s opinion, because it’s only me that has given it sufficient value/worth to make an opinion more important than what I decide to express.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define confidence based on ‘doing something that is unique’ and so ‘special’ and so, whenever I started finding ‘similar work’ to mine, I sank into a pointlessness because of thinking that ‘everyone else is also doing it, so what’s the point?  When in fact, this is when comparison kicks in and so I stop seeing ‘the point’ when in fact, the point is myself, it’s about my expression regardless of what others do or not do or how similar it is.

Ultimately if I would measure anything I do based on how others do it, I’d be in a constant state of ‘giving up’ because ‘everyone else would be doing a lot of the same things I do anyways’ lol – when in fact this is about my expression, my development, my process, even regardless of the ‘final outcome’ but more so focusing on what I go learning about myself in the process as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for example diminish my photographs as something that ‘anyone else could have taken’ or something that ‘everyone nowadays can do with cellphones’ which I used as an excuse to give up on taking photographs based on ‘others already doing it,’ instead of rather realizing each one of those photographs were moments where I was truly focused in my reality and making a decision to capture something, it actually assisted me a lot to pay close attention to my surroundings in a constant manner, which I still enjoy doing yet don’t take photographs any longer because of thinking ‘what’s the point, there’s thousands of pictures with the same thing, nothing new’ where I then doubt myself even with the potential of taking a photograph because ‘others probably already took one similar’ – which again, if I expanded this kind of assessment to anything else, I would be constantly stopping myself from doing anything based on what ‘others have done already.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed to doubt myself, become hesitant and ultimately feel ‘incompetent’ in relation to points of self-expression in arts because of going into comparison, believing that there’s nothing ‘special’ in my stuff so why should I bother? But I realize and have seen from others’ examples how people that stick to developing themselves and persist on practicing, eventually get to be quite confident in their creations – and that’s the potential that exists when we don’t stop to compare ourselves to others, but stay true to oneself, to the purpose of the point of creation which is ultimately of self-creation, where the result is only that, an outflow or a consequence of a deeper process that takes place while creating something.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be focused on ‘a result’ within my expression, instead of considering the ‘who I am’ throughout the whole process, which ultimately is what is part of my self-creation that I’d like to develop and focus on, every moment’s decision and trusting myself within them, considering it all as a process to learn about myself, to learn about giving ‘shape’ to something and also to take responsibility for my creation where I am the one that is entirely behind it, and not any one else’s opinion or perspective on it – this way, whatever anyone else can say about it is an extra opinion, and not a defining factor that determines anything for me – but can only take it as a point of feedback for sure.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to discourage myself from continuing any point of self-expression based on my own opinions, judgments and expectations standing as self-criticism, that led me to then rather ‘not bother’ at all with it, in spite of how I see that when walking through my own veils of perception, I can actually enjoy doing it and I enjoy seeing ‘me’ in every step of the way and reflect it all back to what I am, where I am and who I am behind that one point of self-creation.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to have defined confidence in the past based on reassuring or supportive comments made by others whose opinion I deem as important and in some cases having certain authority or superiority over myself, to then decide to continue or not doing something, wherein I then placed my expression, my perseverance in the hands of an opinion, a judgment and a perception – instead of having allowed myself to trust me in continuing to work on it, and stop my own backchat in relation to it, while focusing on the physical process of creation.

I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to covertly blame someone else as the reason why I decided to not play music anymore, wherein I am the one that took another’s words and attitude personally and made it a reason, excuse and justification why I didn’t have to bother anymore with practicing playing music, and instead only focus on doing visual arts – eventually extending my own judgments to anything related to visual arts wherein I then stopped doing any of it at all because of believing how pointless it all is – therefore, there is no one to ‘blame’ for this. This is essentially something I did to myself and so I can only now stand up from it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take an opinion, a judgment, a perception as ‘truth’ – when in fact the truth is who I am in every moment of creating something, the decision I make and their outcome – which means when I decide to stand all the way in every step of the way, that’s where I see I build self-trust and confidence in relation to ‘the outcomes’ because then I am certain that this is something I created for myself, by myself, without any pretense other than expressing who I am, which is where I want to develop my strength as well, instead of taking ‘what I believe others will say’ into consideration, which is not really about ‘others’ then, but about myself not limiting me by all of that. .

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to perceive that ‘I didn’t enjoy making art any longer’ when in fact, it was the series of judgments, perceptions, opinions that I allowed to take precedence over the creation process of me-expressing-myself, and so that’s where it became tiresome, unbearable, causing more ‘stress’ than enjoyment – and it all was because of how much I gave value and worth to judgments.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘fear’ not having any other point of reference for my creation, wherein, I believe that I cannot ‘continue’ doing something unless I get any form of feedback from others – and in such situations or contexts it makes sense, but when it comes to artistic expression, it is truly the one point where I am the one with the ultimate and only say, because it is a point of expression that cannot be judged as ‘good or bad’ and this is also why I also started resisting to do anything related to arts, because of how ‘ambiguous’ it would be through my judgmental eyes in terms of being unable to define it as good or not based on ‘others’ perspectives’ but ultimately, this is where I have to be the one that stands through in it all regardless, doing it as my expression, which cannot be ‘contained’ in a few judgments of value.

I commit myself to continue practicing building, consolidating and densifying my ‘confidence’ through artistic expression – and any other point of expression for that matter – where I can learn to trust my decisions, walk a point of self-creation all the way and ultimately ‘own’ my creation regardless of the outcome, learning from it  and trusting myself in my ability to learn and stand up from mistakes, not being afraid to making mistakes but rather reminding myself that’s the way to continue moving forward in any point of creation, to persevere, to be consistent and to not allow judgments, opinions or perceptions about it in my mind to deter me from continuing.

This is then how one gets to be comfortable in doing something, through practice and then ultimately that practice & repetition creates a solidity of it at a physical level, where there is a point of control and flow as well, which means being present, being directive yet not rigid about the outcomes, flowing with it yet being aware of the path all the way – and this is then what I can integrate as a physical expression of self-confidence.

Thanks for reading.

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


526. Who Are You Today? Asks Life

What I’ve been noticing more in the past days is how whenever there are points of change in our lives, an opportunity to face new patterns, behaviors, habits opens up at the same time, because change always means stepping out of the status quo where new doors open, some others close and we see ourselves suddenly being in a ‘new path’ where we are there standing in a different position, which at the same time means being in places, circumstances, relationships that might be new for us or that we had not experienced for some time before.

These ‘new situations’ also open up ‘old patterns’ or behavioral traits that I thought I had completely ‘transcended’ within myself, only to now realize that I had simply stopped them because of making of another person, context or situation the ‘pillar’ of such ‘transcended point’ or change within me.

An example is in relation to self-acceptance and self-worth wherein I have had a time before where I was genuinely comfortable about it, then for some time it got replaced with the notion of being ‘accepted’ by others, and when this point of ‘acceptance by others’ got challenged, then I saw myself going back to a previous ‘default’ mode of believing that I have self-acceptance issues, just because of not having a reference as to ‘who’ is ‘accepting me’ currently – as perceived by myself. And it’s good that this opened up because I could see a lot of judgments, beliefs, opinions, perceptions that I had created as ‘self-definition’ towards myself in relation to others and this way, through self-forgiveness and being self-honest it enabled me to take all of those points back to myself, where I am no longer relying on others to live these words as myself.

This is an essential aspect of this process as well wherein sometimes we dislike or even resist or judge seeing certain experiences within us coming up again after believing that we had ‘transcended’ them completely, but we are the only ones that can stop the judgment and instead decide to embrace these eventualities that bring up these points again, because we will most likely face these kind of changes more than once in our lives, where suddenly what seemed like a point of certainty, stability, comfort and self-acceptance can be shattered or ‘burst’ as a bubble completely in one moment, and that’s where the only certainty is having to again check with ourselves and assess ‘who we are’ in the midst of that. If what emerges are old patterns of prejudices, inferiorities, emotional experiences, then what do we know? We’ll have some stuff to work on to align those points back to ourselves, hence the analogy of ‘peeling the layers of the onion’ being applied to this process because that’s how it goes, we’ll face similar or the same patterns according to various contexts and life situations, all of them there on our plate to face them and change ourselves as needed.

It’s only common sensical to do this, because by now I am not conceiving this process form consciousness to self-awareness as a ‘once off’ point of application and believing that I will be transcended about one aspect or points within myself and my mind for the rest of my life – it’s not so. This process is more like a constant process of regular check-ups, alignment and correction within oneself, just like our bodies function where if we once get sick of a flu and we manage to overcome it and strengthen our bodies to be back on track, it still doesn’t mean we won’t ‘ever’ get the flu again.

The same applies to points in our process that rear their head from time to time again, which I am also learning to grateful for, because it’s life pushing us to see, check and ask within ourselves: who are you in the face of having ‘this’ point of stability, self-acceptance or sense of ‘certainty’ shattered? What remains of you if a person, situation or context that you’ve defined as comfort is suddenly no longer there? What do you require to change and integrate as living words within yourself to stand as all of those words for and as yourself, instead of living them ‘through’ something or someone else?

These are the benefits of change and stepping out of a status quo which we can also do through exploring who we are in relation to any seemingly ‘subtle’ experiences we get throughout our day and that’s also stepping out of a ‘comfort zone’, to use these tools of self support to investigate ourselves, our minds, our starting points – wherein there’s no need for an actual ‘external change’ to happen as a form of consequence in order for us to ‘wake up’ and see who we are in it all.

This process of seeing ‘who we are’ in relation to something or someone can be done as a regular preventive measure so as to ensure that we are not defining any aspect of ourselves in relation to something or someone, such as relationships, money, a job position, a particular set of intellectual or physical skills, a particular health-condition, shape and condition of our bodies, amount of knowledge one can have about something, etc.  And that’s how we can then ensure that we can ‘know where we stand’ in the eventuality of having our environment, life situation or general status change in our lives in a relative fast pace.

What remains is always oneself here and that’s what I consider is most valuable in this process where we can take all of the bits and parts we have separated and scattered around in ‘others’ from ourselves and instead look at ensuring that we are our very own source of words to live as an expression of ourselves, as a whole, as one and equal with the life that is within us all. To me these are strength, stability, assertiveness, self-worth and self-acceptance, no matter what.

Thanks for reading.

 

Suggested interview that can assist you in opening up similar points to this:  Are You Impressed: Impressing Self – Atlanteans – Part 463

 

La Ilusión de este mundo es nuestra realidad

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


523. I Don’t Want To Bother Others

I’ll share some extra perspectives on a cool topic that Cerise and Joe opened up in this video ‘I don’t want to be a bother’ about this pattern or habit some of us have in terms of going into a personality of ‘not wanting to bother others’ or ‘take their time’ when we are facing something that would use a cross-reference or support in order to have a second pair of eyes or ears to hear about our situation and considered ways to create solutions.

In my case this has opened up more so in terms of not wanting to ‘take other people’s time’ and then believing that I’m not really worth their time and I should not even bother to ask for help or ask for a time to talk or anything like that, which I have been working on because I was specifically doing that for a long time in my life where I became sort of a ‘mother’ to my friends,  always ‘there’ for others, always being their ‘kleenex’ to cry on or their punching bag at times as well – figuratively speaking – and me believing that I had to always ‘be there’ for them – but when it came to me even daring to open up my own experiences and share myself, I rarely did because I perceived that ‘they didn’t want to hear it’ and so I would go into suppression, which means not talking, not opening up my experience, not wanting to share because of going into a pattern of ‘what’s the point, they don’t care, they won’t listen.’

This became quite a mess because then one becomes other people’s ‘canes’ to walk as I have described before as well, and it’s a very compromising situation where one believes one has to be ‘the strong person’ that is always there for others, as if we didn’t need others to be there for us in an equal manner from time to time.

So, lately I’ve been looking at the kind of outcomes I created in my life based on decisions and choices I made that I took ‘pride’ on for having done them entirely by myself, not cross referencing to anyone at all and kind of just ‘going for it’. At the same time it became a learning experience as well,  I can only learn of not having been honest with myself in demanding myself some clarity about the whole ‘plan’ and being willing to see what kind of emotional experiences or situation I was at the time and how in this belief that ‘I should not bother others with my situation’ or ‘I should not even bother to make a call’ or ‘I should not take their time, I can handle it myself’, it is in fact a point of ego that is unfortunately a common thing for me to do, instead of being aware of the support that I can reach out based on the same principles that I apply and extend to others coming from me at the same time.

But, what did I do instead of ‘reaching out’? I went into my ego and even if I was very much ‘in need’ of a second perspective about my decisions and choices, I didn’t do any of that and went on my own with it all, resulting in a point of creation that could not stand the test of time because the starting point of it was flawed in terms of ‘who I was’ at the time.

I had to then face my own point of creation and its outcome, where I had to see that who I had become at the time was more of a ‘victim’ of a particular experience, such as feeling abandoned or loneliness or ‘not worthy’ of other’s time and in doing this, I spent quite some time without really opening up what I was going through to anyone, which resulted in me making decisions based on this experience of being able to ‘do things on my own’ which looking back, could have prevented some consequences if I had cross reference or opened them up at least with another person that I am aware I can trust in their judgment.

So now that it has happened, I can only learn from it and prevent myself going into thinking that ‘I can do this on my own, I can decide by myself, I don’t need to bother others, I don’t need others to reference this’. The outcome is that I ended up in a way spiting myself, because I am the one that had to walk through and live with my creation and be there ‘all the way’ in it, even though I knew that I could have probably done things differently if I had opened up to others and cross-reference my situation, my starting point simply to remind myself of my self-honesty.

See this is where the network of people that are walking this same process at Desteni becomes so relevant as well, where there’s a set of buddies that are there to support back those that are also applying the same tools and process. And this way one knows that another person or your ‘buddy’ will be there as a cross reference of one’s self-honesty, it’s really that simple, it is not like anyone else can make decisions for you or tell you what to do, but through the basic ability of sharing and opening up an experience or a phase one is walking through in one’s life, and getting some basic points of cross-reference from another to be a guideline into self-honesty, common sense and self-responsibility can make a huge difference in our lives, and that’s also what the Desteni Process is about, because it’s not easy at times to see one’s own ‘flaws’ or ‘points’ to look at, and that’s why the support in it all is so relevant and invaluable.

However, if one has such support but still doesn’t reach out or open up to really lay out what one is going through, then the consequences ultimately are our own to take and walk through.

In the video that Cerise and Joe share they explain how this ‘I don’t want to be a bother’ experience is more of an addictive experience in fact, where one stands in self-victimization, self-pity as a way to not have to take self-responsibility. And that’s why for example in this process and the buddying system, it can be something one tends to resist to do, because one is already very caught up in the mind and resist reaching out and explaining the situation because it would mean one thing: we will actually be reminded of our own responsibility, our own creation to take care of and simply be reminded of our ability to see how we created the whole thing from start to finish and take responsibility for it – either to prevent it or to walk through it if it’s already done.

At the same time, reaching out also means stepping out of self-victimization, self-pity and all of the emotional turmoil that this experience of ‘I don’t want to be a bother’ comes with – all of it being a pattern playing out in an attempt to hide from one’s self-honesty and self-responsibility. However I have proven that it’s not others that we don’t really want to bother, but we simply resist having to get real with ourselves and change, that’s the bottom line.

Another aspect explained in the video and that I agree with is more of an implicit experience in this pattern of ‘not wanting to be a bother’ to others, is how we disempower ourselves by judging ourselves as not good enough to ‘ask for support’ or fearing ‘wasting others’ time’ or ‘being a burden’ to others – and this is precisely something that I have done and experienced, which yes, implies that one is existing in a point of inferiority in relation to ‘not being worthy’ of being supported or being heard by others or reaching out for help when one has already exhausted all possible ways to support oneself.

So here in my case it was a fine line between not wanting to ‘depend on others’ and ‘reaching out – which has been cool in the sense that I have for the most part focused on getting to the ‘bottom’ of my experiences and stand up from it myself, but the reality is that referencing with others such processes and outcomes/results and decisions can be supportive to confirm and reassure our common sense and self-honesty.

Therefore I do say that this is not about turning this pattern of ‘not wanting to be a bother’ to being all the time asking for help – not about that, but about reaching out and sharing, cross referencing as one goes standing up for oneself, working through the experiences using all the tools we have at our reach like writing, self forgiveness, self honesty, self corrective statements and practically living them out as living words that we can then work with and play out in reality, cross referencing with others what works, what we’ve done to assist ourselves, what we are still struggling with even after walking all of these points – and that’s where the communication with others also becomes more resourceful and expansive, rather than becoming dependent on a particular person or point of support in order to always be ‘sorted out’ as well.

Therefore what I see is the key within this all is to be self-honest with ourselves, to be willing to admit where we are going into an experience of ‘not wanting to be a bother’ yet at the same time being in an emotional turmoil where one has tried many things and ways and still not getting ‘through it’ – that’s where it’s definitely needed to reach out because there might be something that one cannot ‘see’ alone, but with the perspective of others one can get some clarity on the way forward in changing oneself in a particular pattern or situation based on our creation, which means that yes, one has to be also willing to see things as they are, in our truth because that’s what this is all about.

Sometimes seeing our truth might feel overwhelming, despicable, ugly, difficult to accept or be simply horrified by it, but these are all judgments that we can also learn to self-forgive and remind ourselves that we can always decide to forgive what we’ve become and instead focus on changing all of those aspects that we fear realizing or seeing about ourselves. No one else can do this for us and that’s a key point here as well where one is in an experience of self-pity about walking through manifested consequences and then go into an experience of ‘I don’t want to bother’ = that’s where it becomes a defense mechanism of the mind to continue wallowing in depression, in excuses, reasons and justifications as to why one cannot stand up and so, it becomes a way to justify ‘why we are not changing’ which is not valid because it’s self-manipulation all the way, where we believe we are seeking some kind of sympathy from ‘others’ but in the end, we are the ones that live with ourselves in such experiences and with the outcomes of the decisions we make or changes we step into in our lives within such experiences – which means, if we are not clear and we don’t reference our decisions even though we know it could use another pair of eyes or ears to see or listen, then that’s ultimately up to us to again, own our creation and learn from it, see what one could have done differently and so prevent doing the same next time.

In my case it’s more of a point of letting go of a belief that ‘I know what I am doing’ or ‘It’s my life’ but those are definitely key words whenever they come up and so stop myself in that moment to rather deliberately look to cross-reference my proposed solution to a certain situation. That way, I also become more humble in my approach towards life in general, where I accept the fact that I don’t always ‘know’ what to do and that it’s a wise thing to ask and cross-reference, this way one also learns to consider other perspectives and it’s a way to expand one’s own array of possible solutions, so it’s a win-win situation considering the fine point of equilibrium: not to become dependent on others to ‘sort things out for us,’ and not go into an ego superiority position of ‘I can do this on my own, I need no one for it’ – but rather being humble to learn, take other perspectives into consideration and from there realize that yes, even if we get to reference with others, it is us that will ultimately have to live with our decisions and ways to sort things out, whether we take others’ perspectives into account or not, which is great as well! Always self-responsibility

Thanks for reading

 

Writing my woes out

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


522. Standing Up From The Past

Or stopping self-definitions and self-judgments according to my past and focusing on who I currently am in my life

It was an interesting day because for various reasons I got to be recalling  a lot about ‘who I was’ over 10 years ago and what I was like and what I was ‘up to’ around that time. I discussed it with different people for various reasons, one of them being related to music because I plan on attending a music festival for the first time after some years of attending that kind of events, but this time I got a nice offer for it and a free trip to go there through a concert travel agency because of the amount of times I had used their services throughout my teenage years – probably going to some 15 concerts at the time so, they had this promotion that with having over 10 trips with them, one gets a free trip and that’s what I got, which is great! And I truly was doubting myself in going for it, like even seeing myself as ‘too old for that stuff’ lol – but I decided to give it a go and be open for it, regardless of my reluctance.

The point here is how I saw this people after over 10 years and it was quite funny how they remember me – over 10 years ago – yet I also noticed I was genuinely glad to see them too and see that their business has flourished. I also saw an ex-school mate in a store and it was also interesting to see someone – that I would see around on a daily basis during high school – after over a decade which again made me consider ‘the time that has passed’ yet being able to relate to him just because of that common space as high school.  Then I was talking with my mother about ‘the old times’ where I was very much this avid teenager that wanted to be going out to concerts all the time and what was my life back then: music, books, my friends and doing the whole ‘exploration’ of what it means to live at the same time.

I also had a chat with another person about how I used to play guitar and bass and how I once had a band for a little while and the people I used to be friends with, and some other things that led me to ‘bring the past back here’ and even though I enjoyed sharing myself in this, in some aspects or specific ‘topics’ I noticed I was a bit ashamed in relation to ‘how others will see me now’ based on the kind of relationships I had and how I held on to them as if they were really supportive for me, when the reality was that they were not really so. Yet as with everything, ‘investigating all things and keep what’s best,’ even while having been at the time with people that are not that easy going or having certain ‘special ways’ of being generally conflictive or having certain addictions etc. I could also in that moment realize that there were a few things that I did learn about them and that I’ve integrated as part of who I am in my life, things that I saw I liked about them and when applying them in my life it made my relationships with people easier, and I also shared that so as to explain that it’s not like it was ‘all bad’ but also create an equilibrium with some cool points from it all.

I did notice that while going back to over a decade ago in my conversations with people today, I got a sensation first of all of ‘Man, I’m growing old, I’m old! I once was young!’ LOL! Which I actually said out loud to some guys today and it was a funny moment – while others after so many years thought I was only 25 – well! Anyone would be flattered with that but I stand on my age really which is 30 and as much as at some point I really had become like ‘marked’ by some things of my past, it was truly when I started walking this process at Desteni at the age of 21 that I learned to let go of ‘carrying my past’ as a burden and stopping doing everything that I was seeking to do just to now be a ‘better person’ compared to ‘who I was in the past’.

And it was true that my past was ‘haunting me’ as it was explained in a structural resonance alignment research video that I was quite fortunate to get 9 years ago, because it was the first time that I was able to see to what extent I was always carrying my past as a ‘burden’, as something that I could not ‘make peace with and let go,’ and that’s because I was still defining myself, who I am here in the present according to my past, which sounds simple and easy to understand but it was truly in that moment when I heard this video-recording that I realized to what extent I was compromising myself because of ‘holding my past’ in my present, in this moment.

Now, this point of ‘holding the past in the present’ exists in fact as everything that we have become in our minds, it’s the way we think, we do things, we react, how we’ve ‘always’ done something that we haven’t directly changed or aligned within ourselves, that’s still us recreating the past within ourselves. So, at the time I worked quite a lot with self-forgiving all those memories, relationships, experiences, judgments, a lot of the judgment towards ‘all of that’ which I also might be making worse than it actually was, which is also a common thing we tend to do in our minds: blow things out of proportion.

So as I was sharing more about this ‘past time’ in my life, I noticed that there was an inkling of discomfort, very subtle when sharing some of the decisions I made at the time in terms of friendships and relationships and having myself be associated with people that at some level I wish I would not have been associated with, a form of subtle regret. However, at the same time it is part of what ‘shaped me’ and even though I got to see with clarity years later on what ‘drove me’ into those situations in my life and what I compromised of myself within it all, I still can only learn from it and ensure that I do not continue these same patterns.

In this case, unfortunately I do consider I continued repeating similar patterns which I definitely see that I have to be very aware and careful when it comes to who I decide to be in my life which will therefore define the kind of people and relationships and projects and things that I associate myself with.  So, this is a reminder for myself that as much as my past does not define me – and I frankly as I shared about it yesterday, cannot see ‘me’ in the same way that I was in the past – there will still be people that will relate to me based on those memories that they had of myself back then and yes it will be quite a change but, isn’t that actually very cool? That I can share with someone of ‘my past’ and say yes I’ve changed, I’m not the same as the person you once met but it’s still ‘me’ just not in all of those traits and aspects I had, it’s a better version of me.

And that’s what kind of happened when seeing these people ‘from the past’, people that I had not seen in over a decade and I actually also asked where they’re at now, how they have gotten their family growing, their businesses growing, asking how ‘life has been’ in a way where there’s simply a genuine enjoyment at the same time of being able to relate to people ‘from the past’ in my present moment.

I also realized I don’t need to even explain myself of ‘where I’m at’ because I simply relate to them with a genuine gladness of seeing them again, that’s who I decide to be then from now on, which actually also happened last month with seeing a girl that used to be one of my best friends in high school and seeing her was a genuine ‘good moment’ for me even if we don’t keep in touch anymore and that also kind of made me remember ‘who I was’ and how I used to be and behave in high school and almost wanting to say to her ‘hey I’ve changed!’ but it wasn’t needed, I simply was ‘me’ in the moment and let go of ‘how she would see me now’.

So as I’ve shared before, even if I had certain ‘traits’ and personalities before this process, I made sure there was always this constant in me of being able to relate to all people and that’s now what’s coming up even stronger in me as a point of expression, which is enjoyable for me and for others as well, because that’s the world I’d like to also create with all of us, where we can relate to each other and start ‘anew’ every time, be clear within ourselves instead of talking only to ‘memories’ that we’ve held within ourselves about each other and hold on to grudges and past ‘feuds’ and stuff like that, it’s not healthy for anyone, so best way is to forgive oneself for whatever ‘went on’ in our lives and move on to stand clear in our present within ourselves and so towards others.

In essence I had to let go of my judgments about myself, about ‘who I was’ and even when sharing more about the people I related with, to not be afraid to share this because yes, that’s where I was in my life, it does not define ‘me’ currently, it’s not what I’ve continued ‘to be’ up to now yet, there will always be people that were ‘with me’ or part of my past or a time in my life that I cannot ‘swipe off’ completely, I rather make it a point to greet everyone the way I’ve done in these occasions and in general, not holding a judgment up to people, but simply being ‘in the moment’ with them, which also simplifies things a lot in our interactions.

Now it’s about me not fearing that others will ‘define me’ according to who I was or who I related myself with, not that I was ‘the worst of the worst’ either lol, but simply quite different to where I am now. However this is actually a bit weird because I would find it awkward if I had not moved an iota as a person in my life and develop or change in any way over 10 years. It is actually then questionable why I would worry about ‘who I was’ and believing that at the eyes of others I am probably the same I was when I was 17 years old… it doesn’t make sense! It only makes sense if I am the one that is defining people according to how I saw them 10 years ago – now that’s the point here to take it back to myself.

So, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually hold a memory of who these people were in the past and still believe I can ‘know who they are now’ based on those memories, which would be the definition of me doing onto others what I am precisely fearing they would ‘do onto me’ which then I must stop and cease to do within me first of all, because that’s the judgment I hold to myself, about myself and about others that must stop within me here.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be subtly fearing that others will define me according to who I was over 10 years ago and hold me in that ‘idea’ of myself, and so creating an experience of being ashamed or regretful of my past, of who I was back then or pondering ‘how they saw me’ which again, proves that these judgments are not theirs but only my own, my own ways in which I have gotten to still judge aspects of my life, decisions I made, relationships I had – but I also see that I would not be ‘here’ as I am if I had not gone through all of that which led me to also seek for a way to support myself at the same time and give myself a purpose beyond of all of those things and ways in which I was quite desperately and eagerly ‘searching for myself.’

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that the only judgments that I can in fact look at and change are my own, not anyone else’s, and that if anyone has an idea of myself about who I was in the past and tries to match that who I am now, it’s entirely their process and their decision to do so, I cannot change that at all nor can I control or try and ‘create a new version of me’ so that they know ‘I’ve changed!’ because that’s not the point here either, not about others, all about myself.

What matters here is being clear within myself about all things related to my past, that time of my life while I was a teenager and all the things that I did which might not have been the ‘best ways’ to explore my life, but at the same time I have stood up from that and evolved into the person that I can now genuinely be with and not be afraid of ‘being in my skin’ and knowing who I am and actually genuinely recognizing the worth within myself as life that I have been working on to develop within myself and so in whoever I get to be in contact with.

And that’s much more substantial and why not, valuable for me than any perception, idea, belief or judgment I may hold ‘against’ me based on my past – because I’ve decided that my past doesn’t define who I am in this moment and I’ve mostly ‘shed that skin’ already, which I am glad for and this is also me entering t into 30 years and 6 months of age today and I like doing some of these ‘life recaps’ not only on a birthday but whenever I see the calendar hits the ‘first day of the month’ and I consider that today was an interesting set of events that led me to ‘remember me’ and see what could still come up as a judgment – but it’s definitely not something I get emotional or reactive about, I can easily speak about it as a part of ‘who I was’ – but it’s more of a shame ‘at the eyes of others’ which emerged, so I have to remind myself that what matters are not ‘the falls’ and being defined by ‘who I was’ but I decide to define myself according to the ways in which I have stood up again, in which I am till this day committing to support myself to be the person that I know I can be with for the rest of my life, and continue developing myself for the best.

So I am grateful for my day today where through various interactions and moments with others I was able to open up the ‘box of memories’ and confront others beyond ‘the memory’ I had of myself with them, but genuinely expressing and presenting myself as who I am now, while still being able to relate to them, without trying to ‘re-live’ the old me or anything like that, not needed at all. I was more in a stance of this is me now, this is what I do, this is where I stand and that’s exactly what I want you to be interacting with right now.

And that was nice to do as well in new interactions with people where I could share about my past candidly and simply take a ‘note’ of this slight shame that came up which I’ve realized here in this blog it’s just my own judgments that I need to stop based on ‘the past’ and so focus entirely on who I currently am.

That’s about it for now, point of the day: not to be ashamed or be ‘haunted’ by one’s past, not to allow myself to define me by my past, but rather focus on who I decide to be in this moment, who I decide to express myself as with new acquaintances and older ones that I had not seen in a long time, and that’s in fact all around awesome and self-supportive

Thanks for reading,

Enjoy

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE


517. Mirroring Judgments

Or self-forgiving the judgments that I have believe ‘others create’ towards me and discover: it’s always been me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate getting to write about the subject of ‘what will others say’ because of considering that then I will have to confront my own expectations, which is in fact what I have to do in order to walk through my own fears, expectations or experiences that I’ve created around the topic of ‘sharing’ myself about what I have defined as not ‘favorable’ or not a ‘positive outcome’ for myself – yet, I have to realize this is the way that I allowed myself to define it as a ‘negative outcome’ which is a negative charge I am deciding to imprint on it based on how I initially judged it myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to prolong sharing something based on my own prejudices, ideas, beliefs about ‘being judged back’ or being perceived as a ‘failure’ in the outcome of my sharing, instead of realizing that all of that which I believe others will say, think or react like is in fact based on my own ideas, judgments that I am imposing onto myself based on my own beliefs, ideas and expectations of how I would have liked my life to go, what I consider would have been the ideal outcome and therefore upon seeing that this is not the case, I would prefer not to confront what I am defining as a ‘negative outcome’ which is a way in which I have also decided to judge the situation – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the outcome of my creation in a negative way and consider myself a ‘failure’ for it based on the expectations I had placed on myself within it and who I was throughout it all – but here I have to make peace with the fact that not everything is ‘under my control’ and that not everything depended on my own actions or inactions to make something work as intended – therefore, being able to remind myself who I was from the beginning to end of a point of creation which is my point of self-honesty, instead of participating within my own projections and prejudices about supposed judgments that ‘others’ might say which are in fact the ways I judged myself for this outcome in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see me through what I believe are ‘the eyes of others’ as judgments, beliefs, expectations when in fact those eyes are my own eyes and in any case if there were any judgments, opinions and perceptions towards ‘me’, it would define the people that create such judgments which is something we rarely get to acknowledge whenever we judge: we do it to ourselves, not to ‘others’ – therefore, here I have to stop being my ‘own worst judge’ and ‘expecting the worst’ because this is only created in my own mind based on an idea, belief or perception that I wanted to ‘keep’ having about myself, when in fact in self-honesty, whatever I create or participate on doesn’t define ‘me’ but who I was throughout the whole point of creation, my starting point in it Is what’s relevant to look at for myself- which is my self-honesty to work with – and that’s something I can fully stand with and by for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to buy into the pattern of ‘caring too much about what others will say or think about me’ when I have even blamed this pattern to familiar influence but I realize that I made it my own, based on how I have been very quick to judge back as well and in this what I am looking at as a ‘fear of what others might say,’ is in fact my own creation based on how I have been the one that has participated in judging others about their life situations, life choices and decisions – never realizing that any opinion I might have created about ‘others’ lives’ is in fact defining me – not others –

Therefore, I take responsibility to now seeing how what I am creating in my own mind as ‘fear of what others might say’ is nothing else but my own capacity to be ‘too quick to judge’ and not looking back at myself as the origin of such judgment and how it defines ‘who I am’ in my mind – nothing and no one else.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed to for a moment hesitate on making a decision in my life because of ‘what others would say’ and placing more weight, value and importance on ‘others’ or ‘others’ ideas, perceptions or possible judgments’ instead of my own, which is still a point to look at when that became a major source of worry, concern, nervousness and even anxiety  instead of simply focusing on myself: my life, my decision, my process, my creation.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be having in the back of my head the notion of ‘what will others think about me’ because of not having a ‘regular job’ that many people have in a particular ‘system’ position and in doing so, diminishing the work and responsibilities that I have in the belief that ‘others have no way of validating my work because it’s not in a ‘recognized by the system’ institution’ – which is in fact my own judgment, my own value that I have given to certain institutions or credentials which I then turn back at myself as the idea of ‘others judging myself for it’ – but in fact, this is all existent and coming from my own ways and methods in which I have allowed myself to ‘gauge’ people and ‘who they are’ within certain values in a system –this way, I only recreate a world where ‘brands’ and certain ‘names’ have different worth and value than others – just as an image as a ‘name’ or a ‘brand’ – instead of focusing on the actual substance, the actual worth and value for life that such ‘brand or name’ represents, which in my case I completely stand with what I do and how valuable this work is not only for me but for the rest of humanity as a whole, therefore I stop supporting and recreating ‘values’ within me according to ‘institutional system values.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to project an outcome where people won’t take me seriously if they find out that there is one point in my life that I didn’t follow through ‘all the way to its end’ or to a ‘desired outcome’ and that it will drive my credibility, my own personal stance ‘down the drain’ when this is just a mind-bullying type of thought I am allowing within myself, because if it is one point in my life that I am judging myself for and allowing that to completely define the ‘totality’ of who I am, I am then demonstrating how I am the one absolutist that can also completely debase something or someone for ‘one single point’ and use that one point to define an entire person and who they are, which again it shows me that it’s not about ‘what others think or do’ but about my own judgments and what I then in turn do to myself when allowing me to ‘judge others’ with the same measuring stick so to speak.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as the person that cannot have proper relationships, not even if ‘trying’ hard for it at the eyes of friends or relatives, when in fact I am seeing that I’ve become my own worst judge when it comes to this topic, because of already fueling this point with several experiences, leading me to a ‘fear of failure’ and in that, creating my ultimate outcome within it which is having to end a particular relationship in order to demonstrate where and how I have not been entirely honest with myself in my starting point and my creation. This means, if my starting point is of fearing something, then the outcome is having to walk through that fear and end up on the other side seeing ‘hey I’m still here’ and realize the self-compromise that I caused to myself when accepting a point of fear in my life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give value to what I perceive relatives have to say about me and my life because of ‘knowing’ that they are ‘always very quick to judge’ – but even if were, this is about me being able to for once and for all stop giving too much attention to what others have to create as a judgment in their own minds, which means it defines who they are and how they perceive others, including myself – yet here I am focusing on how I can take responsibility for my OWN judgment towards other people perceiving them as judgmental, which makes me judgmental by default too – and that’s how I become the one origin and source of ‘fear of judgment’ all the way.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a fear about what others have to say about my life, my decisions and choices, which are all based on memories where yes, I would get reprimanded and judged for my choices while growing up, but that is how things were ‘then’ based on my age and the lack of perspective I had which yes surely, got me through making some mistakes that I have been able to stand up from – and even those that I can still ‘repeat’, precisely through consequences I have been able to become aware of it so that I can consider them to stand corrected in it all as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear being judged as a ‘failure’ by others, which is only how I am judging myself and this particular outcome as such, when in fact I can redefine it as a point of deciding to stand for what I truly honor and respect which is the life in myself and others, and how what might be perceived at others’ eyes as consciousness as a ‘failure’ I am aware of my decision, my parameters, my choices, where I stood in it all and the clarity in which I make my current life decisions – or when I don’t, and so own my creation.

Therefore here what I have to stop focusing on is on the notion of ‘judgments’ and instead focus on my own self-honesty: seeing what can I learn from my mistakes, what I can learn about my starting points for self-creation, where could I have done things differently, defining for me which were the points where I compromised myself, where would I have had to stand up and didn’t do so – and all of these are actually supportive things that even if one doesn’t get to create an ‘ideal’ outcome in one’s life, one can still learn from it, grow from it and continue walking the path of self-creation.

I realize how easy I have been ‘too quick to judge’ on many aspects and in this becoming dismissive and limiting, not only towards ‘others’ but towards myself and there is a whole lot of humbleness to be considered here.

Because what I am seeing is hiding behind all of this initial ‘fear of judgment’ is in fact the idea or notion that ‘I am supposed to know better’ and ‘I should have known better’ or ‘I don’t make mistakes’ or ‘I am flawless’ which is quite the ego-trip there that I need to also debunk for myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see that behind the notion of ‘fearing others’ judgments’ is in fact my own ideas, beliefs and perceptions about myself being ‘superior’ to others or ‘knowing better’ which has to come to an end whenever I am faced with reality and realizing that all of those were mostly ego-trips that I placed myself upon which have no context with reality, which is that of the principles that I am standing for: life in equality, where there is no superior, no inferior – we’re all equal as life and in this, any ego-trip of knowing better is only that, a personality, a character that is actually created based on a perception of ‘being inferior’ at the same time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge who I am based on notions of superiority or inferiority to others, existing in comparison where I have allowed myself to judge me based on ‘values’ or ‘measuring sticks’ that I have at the same time adopted from society, from what I have learned to judge as ‘valuable’ or ‘important’ or ‘good enough’ etc. – all of which is devoid of actual common sense and living-values, which I therefore have to completely cease to exist as within myself to stand in fact as an individual within self-responsibility in my creation, without judgments – simply focusing on a point of self-creation, walking it through, working on whichever adjustments or changes need to be done, start over whenever it is necessary and keeping at it.

This then implies more of a focus on my own mind, my own adjustments, my own corrections to live by which in fact then will create the outflow of stopping focusing on ‘others’ and focus on myself, on living these principles and corrections I’m seeing I haven’t fully embraced as myself and that way, render judgments, opinions, beliefs and perceptions as the mind-values they are that define ‘who we are’ as the mind, as a system that I decide not to live by, but stand up as life.

This then creates in turn a very nice outcome for me here where the point is taken entirely back to self, back to seeing what I accept and allow not only in these judgments and points I wrote out here, but in general towards anything or anyone because we are the ones that create the validity to our judgments, beliefs or perceptions by acting on them, by giving importance to them – therefore if I stop participating in all of those perceptions and instead focus on what is Here as life as myself, as my potential, as my creation to develop = then that’s the outcome that I create not only for me but for everyone else.

And that’s how the focus on ‘others is debunked and turned entirely back to self.

 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE


516. What Will Others Say?

Or debunking our own ‘after thoughts’ that we believe others hold against us and discovering, it’s all created by me.

I’ll start by sharing that I regularly write notes about things that come up within me during the day (written on the back of sales-tickets, to use that whole whiteness of paper!) and place some keywords on how I experienced myself in situation, in my interactions with people, any memories or patterns to open up, dreams, fears… and that’s how I get to have something to say and write about, which is part of the joy of getting to know oneself, when looking deeply, there’s a ton to open up and create a solution for and this point of ‘what will others say’ has been there for more than a week and I have kind of deliberately ‘skipped it’ over, lol procrastinating my own benefit, so here it goes for once and for all.

This rather common after-thought of ‘what will others say’ I’ve found to be very common in most of us human beings in terms of how we are individuals that constantly see ourselves through ‘the eyes of others’ which means: we constantly think that everything that we do is always going to be scrutinized and judged by others and usually not in the most beneficial or ‘flattering’ ways. This is something that I got to look at through listening to some parts of a ‘hangout’ between 4 young guys or teens in the Conscious Consumer Network discussing stuff about their lives, their points of view at their age and the problems that mostly press on them and a recurrent one seemed to be how other peers might judge them and how adults can also look down upon them, which also goes in the way of feeling ‘out of place’ or feeling scrutinized by others.

It got me looking into how I felt at that age in my teens or even pre-teens when I wanted to already be an adult all the time and get to do the things that ‘grownups do’ and feeling outside of the box with my own peers and just uncomfortable within my own skin, not fitting in and wanting to be alone but at the same time craving for social interaction. And a lot of the limitations as to why we many times limit ourselves in the things that we do or don’t do are based on the sneaky thinking related to ‘what will others say or think?’

This is something that until this day I can struggle with, especially when it comes to acknowledging a situation in my life where I am fearing to be called out for ‘failing’ at something or not fulfilling what I believe others’ ‘expectations’ are towards me, believing that people will diminish ‘who I am’ if I explain why I decided not to follow through with a particular life-project that I had planned for myself initially – or when I see myself not having the ‘regular profession’ that you can actually get a ‘title’ from a ‘renowned’ institution validating the very activity I am dedicating my life to – or when I can see at my past of relationships with people that didn’t end up ‘so well’ or when I’ve dared to not follow some ‘traditions’ or when I dared to follow some but not ‘culminate’ them as I believe others expected me to…. And the list could go on and in fact I will review all of this for myself because all of this that I am naming means that I am defining as ‘who I am’ and as something that I believe others are in fact ‘holding against me’ to invalidate me, to inferiorize me, to ‘not be taken seriously,’ to be diminished as a ‘dreamer that wants to change the world’ or to be defined as a ‘quitter’ or someone that has not yet ‘accomplished’ something ‘of value’ in system standards or someone that hasn’t made the brightest choices in life… and the list might go on as well.

In the past two weeks I’ve had to confront myself with my creation, my reality, the results of my starting point and choices in a point of self-creation that led me to look at myself in the mirror, in self-honesty and realize that upon having written about most of the things I was deciding and going through, I was mostly willing to walk through the process of making a somewhat tough decision in my life, yet at the same time discovering that I thought of how easy it would actually be if I didn’t have to confront it with anyone else in my life – not the society and community I live in including my family, my colleagues and friends and the rest of the people who I think are ‘out to find a flaw in me’ to then diminish myself to a point of ‘failure.’ In essence, a lot of what was bothering me was in fact the notion of ‘what will others say or think about me’ my decisions, my reality.

However as much as people can actually talk and have a say on everything – as we all do at any given time about anything we decide to create a judgment or opinion about – I realized that all of this that I was holding inside me was in fact myself, my own judgments, ideas, beliefs, perceptions, being my own worst judge, myself caring about ‘an image’ or a certain ‘ego-status’ that I have kept as an ideal of ‘being flawless.’

As I write this what comes up is an explanation of how early on this boils down to in my life, where the actual origin of this is yes, having been the ‘perfect student’ with ‘clean A’s’ all the way from the moment I stepped into a school and having people, my peers that were also 7 or 8 year olds coming at me and telling me how much they were going to ‘beat me’ next time at something, and how they would get on top of my position and I would fail and they would laugh at my misery – etc. Yes, of course not a nice thing to go through considering I had or have been very gullible about the human condition and could not understand how someone could be that ‘mean’ to me – and that caused quite a lot of commotion and uncertainty in myself but didn’t stop me from continuing doing my best and thanks to my mother from whom I learned  – and still do – to focus on myself, to do it for myself, to never mind what others think or say and that their words represented them, defined them, not me.

That was supportive at the time and it did help a lot to go through every day at school where I would at times be subject of ‘whole-class’ discrimination where it was as if everyone just decided to ‘turn against me’ in a way to ostracize me. It felt horrible, I would arrive home very sad and crying out because of it and I didn’t want to go to school any longer due to that, but I did anyways – unfortunately just like many, many kids nowadays that get bullied at school and go through worse situations than I did – and having this coming from even those girls that I deemed as ‘my friends’ was my first taste of betrayal, but also of seeing how much ‘what others say or do towards me’ could affect me.

Over the year growing up I learned to create a hard veneer towards all of that kind of criticism, which also led me to become a ‘tough head’ at times, antagonistic, be defensive, be outspoken and a bit ‘over the top’ in certain aspects which at the same time I don’t regret at all because at the time, it did help me walk through the rest of school years not trying to ‘find a spot’ any longer but rather building my own space and getting along with  anyone that I could, which is something I am glad I did. I wasn’t deliberately becoming ‘apart’ from others as a form of rejection to others or spiting them, but didn’t attempt to ‘fit in’ any longer, while also learning to talk to and relate to most people in my class, which is cool to do and this I’d recommend anyone around that age to do: be yourself, create your own spot, get along with everyone, treat everyone as equals and that’s what you’ll get back as well.

Back to the point of ‘What will others say’ and how it plays out into my current life situation is where I am the one that has kept that same belief within me that ‘others are out to get me’ or ‘watch me fall’ and that I have to keep a certain façade of ‘all is well’ and ‘doing great’ all the time so as to not give any ‘entry’ to a ‘flaw’ in me that could unleash criticism, judgment, opinions coming from others that might be just waiting to ‘find fault’ on me.

Now this is all that I have in fact created in my own mind, it is what I have accepted and allowed to give power away to as ‘what others will think of me’ and in fact it has been a constant point these days when having to confront people in my family, my community about the changes in my life and I could see that as much as I have done a pretty good job at presenting myself in a cool, calm and collected manner and as much as this is in fact an expression that seems comfortable in the moment – there are still discomforts in the background based on this notion of ‘how others might be thinking, judging, conversing’ about my life situation and how others will be opinionated about my choices and decisions.

One thing that has worked for me and that I have reminded myself about is to realize ‘I am the one living my life, my creation, my outcome and my choices, not anyone else’ which means if anyone has an opinion, belief, idea, perception, judgment about me, it is still their perception, their point of view or judgment that defines them and how they use their mind to assess other people’s life situation, but it certainly doesn’t define me.

Now this of course doesn’t mean that I don’t hear anyone else’s perspective on my situation, I do, do I am aware of how I also assess such feedback.  I am fortunate enough to have people in my life that I know I can count on to be simply there as a reminder of my own self-honesty – which is frankly the most valuable thing to do in times where we might be losing our footing in certain situations. And these are the people I can trust on getting feedback on so that I can at the same time check with myself in my own self-trust what I can look at, what can I work on within myself, what can I focus on opening up and creating a solution for the situation I am in, what kind of ways or paths can I create to step on my way through this challenging situation I am in. Therefore this becomes a constructive form of feedback that I can not only blindly take in, but assess within my own self trust, within my own self-honesty and then take it or leave it, but it’s always ‘on me’ and about me supporting myself, me being able to ‘live’ with myself, my choices, my decisions, in my life.

I definitely would like all of our relationships to be that way and this I certainly commit myself to do as well with people that I at the same time, have the fortune to be in a position of assisting and supporting in their own lives, their own process. Supporting, meaning: being there as a reminder of one’s self-honesty, without judgment, without expectations, without prejudices, but in humbleness and understanding, being ‘there’ for another while they find their own way through as well.

This is how I realize that all of the rest of judgments, ideas, prejudices I believe others would have to say about me as all the people that come up in my mind when considering having to ‘explain’ myself and my life, my choices, my decisions are nothing else but my own expectations built through memories, past situations where I would become ‘paralyzed’ with fearing others ‘coming at me’ to point out all the potential ways in which they could watch me fall and enjoy the show… yep, it is quite a problem that this can be happening between kids at such an early age and yes, if one doesn’t have proper support it can reverberate throughout one’s entire lifetime.

Here then I opened up and discovered how this notion of having to confront myself ‘at the eyes of others’ resonates with that early memory at school I described earlier and how the same conditioning of fearing that ‘others rejoice at seeing me fail’ is still keeping me bound to not stand fully clear in my current reality, because of perceiving that ‘others’ words, expectations, judgments, ideas’ about myself can actually have an impact on me, my life and who I am – but! Guess what? They don’t!

I have to remind myself that this that I am experiencing currently as this uncertainty of confronting others in my life and having to ‘explain’ myself as who I currently am in my life and my decisions is something I can actually self-forgive and let go of, because I am the one that is making and living that decision, not anyone else – and that’s how no one really has the actual position of ‘being me’ to have an actual say on who I am, what I do, the choices I make and why I make them.  Therefore any thought that comes up in me, about ‘others’ judging me, rejoicing at the notion of me ‘failing’ at something – I have to remind myself that it’s based on past memories and in no way defines ‘me’ currently.

In this I also remind myself that I can only ever be my own worst judge and that I can only be the one that accepts and allows any form of judgment to ‘affect me’ – it’s all on me, and that’s how I see that whenever I am ‘fearing’ what ‘others have to say’ about myself, my life, my choices, my decision, my ways, my principles = it doesn’t define me, but it will if I give my power away to it.

And as an extra point that I’ve proven as well is that, in our minds we tend to completely blow things out of proportion – so even in situations that we might be fearing to confront or perceive as potentially uncomfortable while participating in this backchat about ‘what others have to say’ about me, I’ve proven that most of it I completely blew out of proportion and made it a lot worse than what it actually was, and that I ended up becoming more of a nervous wreck based on my own imaginations and projections than when facing the ‘real deal’ and finding out ‘wow, it wasn’t as bad as I thought’ – this I consider is also one of those very common patterns that we can all remind ourselves about and stop torturing ourselves with it.

So! I’ll stop my own mind in relation to this and I have to say, I’ve definitely been much better at this all that I’ve described today through walking this process from consciousness to self-awareness as life, but not to a complete extent yet which is why it’s awesome to face things in my life and find out ‘hey! I still give too much value to what others might be thinking about me, gotta change that!’ and come here and lay it out for myself so that I cannot run away from my own self-honesty any longer, lol, which is actually another last minute reminder of how contradictory is that we put off or procrastinate to work on the very points that could ease our lives and make ourselves ‘know where we stand’ within ourselves again – it’s all about the power of writing and self-honest personal ‘debunkings’ that can clear the space and make us enjoy discovering ourselves as well.

So, enjoy doing yours and thanks for reading

And! Please gift yourself with this awesome recording to ‘find your way through’ even in the apparently worst-case scenario you might be at in your life, fresh from today:

Everywhere but Within – Demons in the Afterlife – Part 75

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Creation as LIFE

 


498. Deconstructing the Default Self-Specialness

Continuing from the previous blog

Here sharing Self-Forgiveness on the points I am committing myself to acknowledge as my creation, as my allowed participation in my mind that I want to change and turn into a supportive outcome for myself and the people I get to be involved with for a moment or for a lifetime.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a positive experience in relation to people with whom I have developed a relationship where there is kindness but at the same time there’s the awareness of them being ‘attending me’ as in being there to assist me, to care after me and getting what I am looking for in the shop – or simply having a chat in the meantime – wherein when I see that another person comes into the shop and the attention veers toward that other person, I have allowed myself to instantly go into a ‘lesser’ experience of myself which I’ve felt in my physical body as a tightness, a tension directly related to the presence of the other person, instead of realizing that this is the ‘default’ experience of ourselves at a mind level where I constantly can perceive myself as ‘special’ or ‘unique’ or ‘having a special spot’ yet forgetting that this is the default experience that we all have allowed ourselves when in our minds, therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be in my mind reacting to another person’s presence and in doing so perceiving it as a diversion of attention from others towards them – instead of remaining attending ‘me’, which is very much an egotistical experience where I stop considering another person in that moment and go into this tension and frigidity in that moment, which I’ve come to see is me in my body and mind conditioning myself to create a momentary friction and conflict about the presence of another person, instead of embracing the presence of not only one person but any other person around me, realizing their equal ability to get the attention from the shop attendants and at the same time push myself to be able to look at them, interact with them if the opportunity arises and in doing so, practically walk through my initial tension or subtle reaction to another’s presence.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a positive experience in shops or other public spaces wherein there is supposed to be people ‘attending me’ and I get all the attention I require, and go into a subtle ‘low’ if the attention is given to someone else, which is very much also a programming I’d see as very common in me since being a little child, the youngest of the family, where I got all the attention and was quite spoiled in my own way, which led me to constantly add this ‘specialness’ to myself, who I am, what I do and if there’s someone else taking that one ‘special spot’ in whichever context, I then have allowed myself to go into a ‘low’ which is simply a perception of ‘me not getting all the attention’, but in common sense that’s how things should be and all that I require to do is to learn now to embrace any other person as an equal to myself, walk through my initial ‘discomfort’ toward them, understanding them as a ‘default’ reaction of myself in my mind-and-body so that I can then proceed to live the words of integrity and integration, embracing and equality towards others at any given time.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react in that ‘sinking’ experience within me upon noticing it was another young woman entering the shop and in that moment the activation of ‘women competition’ kicked in, in a very subtle manner wherein even if I am not thinking in competition terms, the tension, the discomfort that I experienced as taking over my physical body’s upper area is an indication that I am still reacting to the presence not only of other human beings in certain contexts, but specifically women where I then proceeded to feel ‘displaced’ in that moment where the conversation went towards here, wherein I went into a low and self-diminishment in that moment, which I saw and pushed through to remain in my usual presence, however the experience had already been developed, therefore

Whenever I am in any situation where I perceive that I am ‘alone’ and the attention is only ‘on me’ and I am creating a positive experience about it, I have to slow myself down to ensure that I am not going into a ‘high’ within me as the positive experience that can then rebound to a ‘low’ if the factors change in the moment and I stop getting ‘all the attention’ on me, because this then signifies that my interaction wasn’t entirely being in equality, in stability and comfort, because if it went into a ‘low’ all of a sudden, there had to be a pre-existent experience I was aware of.

So I can now practice this point where I can in those moments upon hearing or seeing that another person is also sharing that moment and ‘space’ in a shop or other place in a similar set up, I can breathe as a way to ensure that I am relaxed in my body and prevent through breathing the build-up of tension in my upper body, while I can deliberately remind myself to live the words embrace, equality, integration so as to ‘integrate’ the other people into the space as equals and embrace them, their expression in a way where I can be in their presence and remain comfortably in my body and even if the opportunity is there, proceed to interact and engage with them and have a chat if they also respond back in an equally open manner.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive that there are such things as a ‘position’ of specialness and favoritism toward people wherein I have to let go of reassuring these ‘positions’ in my mind that I believe others have toward me and instead, fully develop my positioning as an equal in all aspects, which I recognize I’ve been doing better when it comes to supposed ‘hierarchical’ situations and learning to get past my elitist programming towards ‘others’ but I can still see this ‘regard’ that I’ve built towards myself in relation to how I expect to be treated as a signal that I have yet to completely let go of any default-specialness of my mind, any default ‘uniqueness’ and this can be practiced by focusing on breathing, stopping the insta-judgments of values based on appearance overall, based on gender, based on money, based on ‘positioning’ and in doing so, become the person that I want to be that truly embodies what it means to be equal to any other individual, where I don’t recreate the separations, the discriminations, the divisions that we’ve fueled in our minds based on a plethora of visual differences that are only that, a visual presentation but instead, learn to get to know each other as the words we speak and live, what we embody as ourselves because that’s where the real presence and essence of each other is.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to still carry on with a subtle, unspoken or ‘without thinking’ comparison or even rivalry towards other women specifically wherein I am the one that is instantaneously judging them as ‘more than me’ based on certain attitudes or physical appearance wherein I am completely becoming me as my mind that judges, that values appearances, that compares and creates a verdict of me being more than or less than others… none of this is who I really want to be in those moments because it only recreates the plethora of separations that we are seeing more and more prominently in our world.

Therefore I have to practice letting go of my ‘inertia’ to these ‘quantum-judgments’ and assessments that I get to become aware of only after they have happened in an almost ‘automated’ mode, but even that, I challenge myself to be able to stop this very silent, very physically ingrained habit of comparing, judging or going into a silent rivalry/competition toward other women that I’ve perceived as ‘more’ than myself, which only exists there if I am still regarding myself as ‘inferior’ in one way or another.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from a very age not know ‘what to do’ upon noticing distinctive physical features and appearances of people around me wherein I learned to create notions of beauty based on appearance and particular traits, but wasn’t really aware how to actually create a meaning that is substantial for real beauty in a person, which I’ve established that is not limited to only the first layer we get to see through our eyes in one person, because that is definitely something that we can all see and sometimes even agree upon by default – but also to include the essence, presence and substance of a person, who they are as the words they live and speak, the kind of being they are in their lives which is what I’d like not only myself but more and more humans to focus on at the same time, because I’ve complained myself many times of living in a ‘shallow world’ where only appearances matter, but the aspect of the substance behind that first-impression appearance is what I’d like to focus on and get to know in a person, to then learn from them, get to embrace them as a being more than just an image, because I, myself, would not like to be diminished to only being an image either.

I commit myself to practice in those moments when acknowledging the presence of another person through hearing them coming in, to instead of ‘avoiding looking at them’ which is not done out of privacy or consideration, but out of avoidance as a reaction to see them with my eyes, I can then test out actually turning my head and looking at them so that I can make the decision to in that moment apply these words: embracing, integration, equality and so direct myself to focus on my own physical presence, my own body, ensuring I am not going into a tension and if that happens, I can simply focus on breathing so that I can dissipate the experience before it builds up at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to without intent and in a perception of ‘respecting others’ privacy’ – apparently – have done onto others what I dislike being done onto me, which is that of deliberately ignoring another’s presence yet only reacting at a physical level about their presence, which is very uncool and I simply do not want to be that kind of person that eventually gets to a point of looking away from people on purpose so as to not have to face the various reactions that could be coming up in those moments. I rather learn to face and embrace the reactions and comparisons I’ve created so that I can work on them first hand and practice, practice, practice as much as it is needed until the presence of another human being – male or female- becomes indistinct to myself, to the moment and can instead practice to embrace them, integrate with them in the moment because that’s exactly what I’ve liked others doing onto me and I am aware first hand of how cool that is for all of us, so I definitely want to be entirely clear within me in relation to people, especially considering those ‘first ever’ encounters where I don’t even know the person, yet I am ‘reacting’ to them? Doesn’t make any sense, really, and that’s what we are and have become in our minds: separation, not making any sense and simply causing friction and conflict by default, but now it’s entirely up to me to stand as the directive principle of myself in my mind and my body so that I can then decide who I am in that moment.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have fueled in a very subtle manner this idea that I am ‘special’ and I deserve some kind of ‘special treatment’ wherein I believe that I am a person that ‘deserves’ something based on what I give, which should not be the case at all, because any kindness and consideration toward others is me giving it as an expression of myself, not as an ‘expected in return’ type of treatment which would only create the same kind of societies where we treat each other as walking numbers or assets, instead of redefining that value as the kind of person we are, the words we live, the actions we stand by and what we use our bodies, our minds, our words for.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed this ‘default’ existence of myself in this ‘special-mode’ self-experience wherein then it is easier to create any sort of inner-conflict and go into an inferiority-mode because we are the ones sustaining that ‘elevated’ sense of self that can be easily threatened and rocked when perceiving anything or anyone as ‘more than’ something that we are defining ourselves by as a judgment or a value, therefore this proves that any superiority or inferiority complex are nothing more than judgments, values and perceptions that I’ve accepted and allowed as ‘who I am’ which in turn, through this identification, becomes a way for me to react to certain people – or not – based on this default programming of ‘my identity’ being those experiences, those reactions, that superior or inferior experience which is by all means something that I commit myself to stop fueling even in the silent and most subtle physical experiences that I can instead open up, face, investigate for myself and turn this whole comparison and competition mode into a supportive outcome for myself and so for others.

I forgive myself that I have lived a contradiction in terms of wanting to stand as equal to every other person, but still create these comparisons, judgments, notions of value and worth towards others and seeing them as either ‘more’ or ‘less than’ myself, wherein I am in fact even in a silent manner, recreating the same mentality with which we’ve built this current world system, and I know for a fact It doesn’t serve life, it doesn’t have a default space for equality as life, therefore I/we have to be the people that can change our ways of interacting among each other if we truly want to create a world in equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation upon meeting people for the first time of creating an impression upon them of ‘me being unique and special’ wherein I am by default wanting to be the ‘attention grabber’ that wants to make an impression but not yet for all the best reasons, but still coming through with some ego, therefore I have to be more aware of my choice of words, attitudes, expression in general ensuring that it is not being done from the starting point of continuing and feeding this ‘attention seeker’ or ‘attention grabber’ in me, and instead develop humbleness as a modest self that I can live with and stand by eternally as who I am, because it won’t be defined by highs or lows of energy, but instead expressing and allowing the real me to come through as a presence that I can definitely see is possible to continue developing, growing and expanding as myself in more moments of my reality.

I realize It is a matter of being aware of myself at a physical level, being aware of the subtle changes experienced at a physical level as sudden undercurrents that come up and transform into tensions or stiffness and in that moment investigate, look at what’s the programming that’s being triggered and so proceed to apply the words that I see would be most supportive in that moment.

This way, the practical application is an opportunity that exists whenever and wherever I see myself with more people in a context where I have created a ‘positive relationship’ towards something or someone and in that, making sure that I can ‘share’ that something or someone with others without reinforcing a sense of ownership or dominion over others, because that’s certainly not what I want to be and do, I want to stand in humbleness and equal-stance toward others, as well as letting go of notions of specialness or positivity attached to people, places or situations so that no matter where I am, I am here, I am expressing me without ‘highs or lows’ but practicing a continuous embracing of others in the space around me, and also get to chat with them or get to know them better as part of our shared moment and reality, no matter how short or long it might be.

Thanks for reading

 

Silent Interplays

 

Join us in our process of Self-Awareness as LIFE


485. Let’s Make Us F.O.O.L. Again!

Or how to point the finger back at ourselves in relation to loving or hating political effigies

 

This morning as I went to buy some tortillas (staple Mexican food) the man that was selling them was listening to the news talking about – yes, you guessed – Trump’s inauguration, the ‘riots and protests’ around the world and in various US cities. As the man was weighing the tortillas he said:

– May I ask you a question?

– Sure – I Said

– Do you think that Trump is crazy?

– No, he just represents in a more uncensored manner the human nature that we all have to change within ourselves

– I don’t think he’s crazy, being different doesn’t make you crazy

– No, he may step out of the usual politics, but he is there to show us back all the points that we need to change within ourselves and focus on that by ourselves.

End of our exchange. All that I’ve seen in the buildup to the US elections is a notorious division in people’s minds about Trump, as if he was meant to be loved or hated to the core. Now, I’d like to explain how I don’t wish to make this in any way a political blog, I’m here to share a perspective that precisely goes beyond the question that I’ve been asked several times already in terms of ‘What do I think of Trump?’ And I will share my perspective here.

At the beginning of his campaign, I did go into sharing one of his statements and calling it something like idiotic or in a similar way, only to then question myself as to what am I creating when praising or bashing any other person? I have walked a similar process with my ‘hatred’ towards the catholic church and another leader that I came to hold in my mind as ‘a despicable human being’ which I had to also walk my process in self-honesty to understand my hatred and realize that I am not in fact doing it ‘toward them,’ but it’s all about what I accept and allow within myself as a relationship or experience that I impose onto others parts of our reality, which is also parts of me. Since then, I’ve been breathing every time that I see this political leader – Netanyahu – giving any orders that I could usually squirm about and instead, breathe and live my self-forgiveness: he is another me, he is part of our consequence, we are all him, he’s playing a role for us to see what we’ve accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become.

This application has worked well, also whenever I would usually walk past a church or see the popes on the media and again ‘squirm’ or recoil within myself – but I can now see, walk past many churches (lots around here) and no longer re-create my own hatred-fixation that served no purpose other than wrecking my own body by becoming hateful, ignorantly so because my hate was never going to change the nature of humanity or of such institutions, only through actually committing myself to change can I do that, and that doesn’t require a single emotion or feeling.

During Trump’s campaign I saw and read how many people loathed him, hated his guts, ‘could not stand him’ but I decided to not participate in the praise or bash, but simply remain observant this time, not jumping into the bandwagon of people that either loved him to death or hated him to his death, literally. I then saw how the purpose of this media and political frenzy was to continue dividing and conquering people. As if it hasn’t been obvious enough – because I’ve been very vocal about it many, many times – this whole political set-up is once again getting people to hope for another person in a role we have created to precisely abdicate our personal responsibility, to change our lives, to be the difference, to be ‘the rebel’ in this case that goes ‘against the establishment’, and I’m definitely keeping an eye on how things develop because to me this Trump presidency can act as a catalyst to finally open full eyes to people that still have ideas of ‘a president being the real change’ and instead of praising or hating one single person to save the world or destroy it, rather for once and for all: Focus On Our Lives.

That spells out the word F.O.O.L. but that’s exactly what we become, fools when we follow the media waves, the political waves that are nothing else but following the same formula applied for thousands of years: create the illusion of choice, divide and conquer, create the idea of a savior and everyone will follow.

Why is this so? Because of our inherent human nature that we’ve created, accepted and allowed, to exist as a follower by default- not a genuine leader. Because we prefer to always abdicate responsibility and blame, instead of taking self-responsibility and assuming the consequences of our actions, regardless of the outcome. Because we like to fight for our limitations, instead of strengthening our strengths, strengthening our weaknesses and helping each other to become better humans every day.

The list can go on. This is why I said to the man this morning that Trump represents very well the human nature that we ALL have to change. Not sure if my words were heard, but that doesn’t matter, because I am aware of our tendency to ‘skip’ the realization that we are all Trump, we are all Netanyahu’s, we are all Hillary, we are all ‘the worst criminals in the history of humanity.’ Now we simply have to accept it, digest what it means and start acknowledging our responsibility to it all.

What I see very relevant to do is to remind ourselves is to grow out of the old, to let go of focusing so much on ‘mainstream politics’ and focus on the politics of the self, of the nature of who we are and have become to acknowledge the very same patterns ‘out there’ in the shape of our politicians and recognize that very same nature of ‘them’ existing within ourselves.

Here, I also look beyond borders. I discuss Trump even if I am a ‘Mexican’ and even if I am ‘supposed to be offended’ or supposed to be ‘hating Trump’ based on how Trump has discussed Mexicans and Mexico in his agenda. I stand clear, I am beyond a label and instead stand as a human being that can discern in common sense what is best for all and what is not. Therefore I can only take the person for the words they say and the actions they live to see how congruent they are, how much of what it is promised or spoken of becomes a reality and how much is simply part of the usual show, and from there see what are the creations and consequences of such actions. Therefore if someone would like to believe I should condemn his words or actions, I remain clear in my stance and will test out where it gets me: I cannot ‘bash’ or judge, I can only propose and create solutions that I can start living within myself and in my sphere of influence. That’s then stepping out of the ‘battle’ loop and into self-creation.

Whichever the outcomes are, I cannot judge him or anyone for that matter, no one ‘president’ will ever change anything, we all have to do that change within and by ourselves, each one of us and stand beyond the need for these fictional constructions as dinosaurs of the past, of a master-slave relationship that definitely has to crumble for the fallacy it always has been. So my perspective is that Trump’s presidency along with various ‘radical’ movements around the world can create a catalyst to for once and for all dismantle the deception that the notion of government as ‘authority’ represents. We will be giving a possibly very tumultuous and chaotic step beyond our limitations – as they say: growing pains and we as humanity definitely have to break down all illusions, shatter everything that does not stand within the principles of equality and what’s best for all – and so focus on the reality that we CAN create one by one, in living principles, without the need of a ‘master’ to guide us or save us. We have to stand in self-leadership.

I had refrained myself from talking about these topics – yet again – to me it felt like repeating myself for the 1000th time, but I’ll say it until these words are etched in our being: we are all equal and one, we all are living beings with the potential to be the best that we can in each of our contexts and positioning, we are the ones that can decide for ourselves whether we are part of the creation of the new or remain stuck in the divide and conquer left-right, blue-red, white-black paradigms of separation, of human descent of the past.

I wrote to someone in an email yesterday: let’s make the world great again, starting with ourselves! Because that’s the ultimate reality: the mirrors (me-errors) of political institutions, of ‘leaders’ and these structures of ‘power’ need to be dissolved within our minds first of all, no matter if they still remain ‘in place’ in our societies for another 100 years: we decide what we give power to in our minds, we decide whether we want to be part of the problem (old politics paradigm, black vs. white, red vs. blue, left vs. right, rich vs. poor) or do we decide to give one step beyond what is presented as ‘the ways of the world’ and stop focusing on all of that, to instead focus on ourselves, creating the lives and living the principles that are best for all.

So, what’s my stance? I choose to not judge Trump or any other political leader that a lot of people seem to get a kick out of mocking. Mocking is mocking, hatred is hatred no matter how we may want to justify it or believe such experience within us towards others is ‘well deserved.’ No, it’s not, because it’s not about ‘them’ but always about ourselves in what we accept and allow as words and experiences Within ourselves.

My personal process thus far has been of being an observer this time, not taking sides in pro or anti but simply taking the man as another me, another human being and as I practice applying on everything: investigating all things and keeping what’s best – which is a far more supportive approach than the bashing that seems to go to the left and right of the spectrum at least in the country I live in, and based on what’s going on in social media, the divide and conquer is running ‘as expected’ because WE all have participated in generating such polarity, while forgetting that’s the way we get trumped, we get conquered.

Consider seeing Trump as our reflection, as our greatest teacher as any other human being can be no matter ‘who’ they are or ‘what their position is’, he only gets the attention based on his hierarchical position, but you can surely do the same reflection with every single person in your life and around you, to see how we are judging them or generating any contempt towards them to instead ask: what are ‘they’ revealing about ourselves and how can I make sure I no longer create this inner-conflict and separation ‘towards that person’ by deciding to align my relationship to those aspects/parts of that person that I have reacted to, and instead see directly where am I living out the exact same patterns that I criticize in others. That’s one simple step into self-honesty.

Will many be willing to do this? After all of these years, I bet few will dare to because we still prefer to keep ourselves in a good light as a ‘good person’ and not question our own problems, our conflicts and admit that such contempt, hatred or antagonism toward anything in this world is in fact revealing something about ourselves that we are in conflict about and have not understood as who we have become yet.

I challenge everyone that holds dear the ‘right to protest’ to question what ‘protesting is’ and if it is in fact an honorable way to develop oneself as a self-responsible human being, one that is willing to acknowledge manifested consequences and stand as a living example of correcting those same problems within ourselves first, rather than looking outside to seek culprits and blame, which is by far and based on my personal research, a very ingrained pattern that is overlooked as an actual self-dishonesty based on the righteousness it is held by, which is nothing else but an ego experience.

That’s why I’ve been so keen to write about the actual nature of ourselves as human beings as a key point to admit to ourselves if we are to Ever in fact stand our ground to acknowledge and live our potential. We cannot grow the best and the new unless we realize the crookedness that exists in all of us – no one’s saved from this – and to learn to understand and work with the flaws, the conflicts, the problems, the destructive nature we’ve become in order to no longer judge it or judge others for it – hint, stopping using some supposed ‘authority figures’ as human piñatas – and instead, take that judgment back to ourselves to see who are we really in fueling those emotional experiences within us.

I saw videos of protests and in stability I simply acknowledge that it will still take time for humanity to outgrow the reactive, tantrum-nature that we haven’t matured from just yet… some of us are slowly but surely standing up from it, so it’s up to us to ensure that the new generations can stand in a much more independent and self-responsible individuality that is at the same time contained within the consideration of the whole as one and equal. Living principles are the key, considering what’s best for ALL in fact (not just those that we see as ‘our country’ or ‘our race’ or whichever other delusional frontier/limitation we create in our minds) is a living principle to practice in a plethora of ways.

These are all steps to go unraveling the illusion of separation, which at the same time reveals to us the potential of ourselves as creators. So, time to focus on self-creation through self-investigation, self-honesty, developing Humbleness to embrace even those we’ve labeled as ‘the worst of the worst’ as parts of ourselves as well that reveal ‘where we are’ as humanity, so we cannot just go and develop ourselves to be these wonderful beings and ‘forget about the world.’ It’s about communal ‘awakening’ for a lack of better word, but it’s not about seeking justice or hope for some other ‘king of fools’ to do the job, it’s about self-responsible living creation that we are all capable of directing in our lives.

Let’s do it and stop participating in the divide and conquer, thank you.

 

Check out this (still) very relevant video

Know Your Candidate: Trump and Hillary Revealed

 

 Point the finger back to self

 

Learn how to stand as your own authority:


%d bloggers like this: