Category Archives: self judgment

388. Regretting Choices and Definitions

 

Continuing from:

 

Self Forgiveness on:

I require to open up – again – the relationship with art. I’ve noticed that I created some sort of past bad relationship experience with it, similar to the ones that I’ve had with people throughout my life wherein there were things unsaid, situations undirected and just cutting it up from one day to another without further communication. I realize I’ve done this with art creation and the general regret I’ve had in terms of the decision I took some 8 years ago to go to art school and actually drop out from my first choice which was linguistics and which would have probably been a lot more supportive for me to have as a degree than arts, and so there goes regret as well for the choices I made in the delusion of ‘I want to express myself ’ and limit that definition to only ‘arts’ and specifically visual arts. To begin with, a disclaimer here is to understand that I am walking/writing out my frame of mind and that whichever judgment I place here in relation to arts/artists/creative processes in art is what I’ve conjured up throughout time and self-reflection about my decisions in life and in no way does this imply an actual ‘bashing’ as all of these judgments, ideas, perceptions, conceptions will be self-forgiven.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience the moment of creating something as an image, a picture, a painting as something rather ‘pointless’ and useless in which ‘I have wasted my time’ and in this generating the overall idea that ‘doing art’ is a waste of time – without looking at how I began to define what I would do as ‘art work’ as ‘meaningless’ and ‘pointless’ when I began to understand my motives, my purpose behind ‘being an artist’ myself – wherein I wanted to Define ME according to my creation, according to every single drawing, painting, photograph, video or any other creation that would be part of my ego-construction as the ‘who I believe myself to be’ and all of this based on the premise of ‘me wanting to be famous’ or ‘me wanting to be recognized as special and unique’ and so, when the time came for me to debunk myself, my own ego-construction of ‘who I am’ as ‘an artist,’ then all of the experiences and definitions that I had attached onto painting, drawing, doing anything creative even with words, photographs, videos… all of it I then judged as ‘useless’ or ‘pointless’ because they were not going to fulfill My idea of what these things were meant to be doing For Me before, which was ‘building my ego.’ And as such, when I stop participating in the creation of my ego through my artworks and my so called ‘special vision’ I then create a polarity relationship toward my creations because I could no longer see them as unique or special or anything like that, and instead of seeing them just for the matter/materials and arrangements that they are, I went into an opposite experience defining these creations as pointless, egotistical and useless without realizing the polarity judgments I was creating based on having first defined artistic creations with all positive experiences such as a genuine representation and expression of who I am, and what I want to express to the world – which came with the imprint of ‘me’ as special and unique. So this is to identify the polarity relationship I created based on my own definitions

I realize that therefore the experience that I’ve generated toward ‘art’ in general doesn’t provide a solution to the problems in this world – and within this generalizing what ‘art’ is based on what expectations I didn’t get fulfilled for myself within the relationship formed toward Art itself, and this is how it is no different to how we can ‘call names’ to something or someone that doesn’t satisfy us based on the ideals that we created about it, yet I didn’t work on in order to manifest these ideals into reality either.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want ‘art’ to be and become this ‘tool’ with which I can ‘change the world,’ without realizing that I then caged myself within my own intentions, definitions and purpose I gave to ‘art’ in itself – instead of myself – and as such, when I saw that these aims and purposes were not ‘fulfilled’ in a rather noticeable manner or ‘short span,’ then I simply gave it up because I realized that there were other ways to make this process of self-change more tangible and noticeable other than paintings, drawings, little videos or else as these creations were mostly born within the intention of myself as ego, as the idea of being able to create a name for myself and be glorified by it and missing out the entire point that I now see is more relevant, which is not self-glorification but to utilize our skills, our talents to provide a key for others to start questioning reality and start considering another way in which we are able to live and as such, change the world in a practical manner, which begins within self;

I initially have had certain ideas imprinted within my decision to create art which were among others to evade the world – without realizing one cannot really do this – being able to become a special/unique individual with this amazing vision of the world – and within this, I decided to rather focusing on myself, my own deconstruction of the ego I had become and reconstruct myself as an individual that can genuinely be and become an example of what it is to focus on what matters in this world within the principle of doing what’s best for everyone, what can create and generate actual changes in this world and within this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘art’ as being unable to do this, and this is where I clarify that it is not that ‘art’ in itself isn’t able to do the work, as it is ourselves as human beings the ones that are responsible for using whichever tools and means we have and see can be effective to share a message with others and provide solutions to our lives within our minds where we usually only see problems and conflicts.

I realize that I had delegated some kind of ‘magic power’ to art to be this transformational tool that can in itself ‘change people’s lives’ which is rather pretentious, non realistic and even with bits of spiritual approach that I had initially also commenced with in my relationship with art as well – therefore I now see, realize and understand that art in any of it forms or definitions for that matter, can be used as a tool to support the realization of ourselves as human beings, to portray the problems and the solutions that we can all give direction to – but in no way can I expect this ‘thing’ or ‘concept’ as ‘art’ to do the thing for itself, as it is Always about ourselves human beings being able to give direction to ourselves with using any and all means/media/methods and tools that are existent within our world and societies as of now.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship of ‘hate’ and ‘love’ toward art – wherein I went in this form of ‘hate’ based on not getting my expected results from it, or being disillusioned from the results I was expecting I would get from it, which is once again wanting this something/someone create some transcendental change for me and others in itself, without realizing that I had to give it direction, make things happen, make things works instead of just hoping or wishing that something like an artistic expression does the work in itself – it can be an aid within the purpose of assisting and supporting ourselves as human beings to ‘wake up’ and realize the work that is required to be done in order to give ourselves direction and responsibility to our world which is our creation – and in this art is not more or less than any other expression or tool or point existing in our reality that has an equal potential of being supportive within our process of self-realization and self-responsibility as equals in this world.

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to develop a relationship of ‘love’ toward art based on the Experiences I created within me while working on it: being able to be alone, detached from the world, sinking into my imagination, being able to just ‘forget about the world’ and recreate one of my own within the starting point of someday maybe getting real fame and glory from it, being recognized as this talented unique individual that I had believed myself to be and as such, believing that ‘my thing’ was to do art, just because I wanted to give continuation to this great experience that I was building myself as through the work I was doing.

Within this I realize that it’s not about ‘bashing’ what I’ve done or now see it as pointless or useless as those are all definitions I now see and understand stem from having remained in the polarity opposite of loving it, making it special and unique – so this way I am able to now stand one and equal to any ‘artistic creation’ or ‘artwork’ in itself within the realization that it’s no different to any other thing we have created as human beings – be it a concept, a tool, a house, a business, a baby, an entire world-system – all of these are creations that entailed a creative and intellectual process in them, so that doesn’t make them ‘art works’ per se, because we’ve defined ‘art’ within a specific ‘realm’ of human creations which is how we developed the whole ‘specialness’ around it, wherein if we genuinely expand creation to anything we do, anything we say and think, then we will genuinely live as self-creators of ourselves, our world without having to tag it as ‘work of art’ since it will be a creation within the principles that each one can recognize and embrace individually: self creation in self-awareness, self responsibility, letting go of the pondering process of the individual as ‘special’ and instead focus on our creative, physical abilities that we have as human beings – both physically and mentally.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to see ‘art’ as no different to any other failed relationship wherein it seemed as if from one day to the other I simply no longer have anything to do with the person or situation and without further communication or understanding of why we parted ways, it’s simply a ‘breakup’ of sorts wherein I have generated the usual experience of ‘not wanting to see the thing or person again’ and overall avoidance toward the point/person in my life as if that was a clear way to deal with it. I realize that this is mostly suppressing the problem, suppressing what caused the breakup and believe that just by not thinking of it or avoiding looking into the point I am doing myself a favor when in fact it’s the opposite – there more I leave it ‘unresolved’ the more it becomes this ‘confusing’ thing, a mulling around that I experience toward the point or person, because I hadn’t clarified or structured my position or stance toward that person or point in my reality and as such I turn it into something I had to overall try and ‘erase’ without further consequence.

I realize now that I cannot ‘hide’ from these type of situations that I believed I had ‘dealt with’ or I had ‘walked through’ in this process in relation to art – as I realize that I hadn’t entirely clarified the self-corrective process in relation to ‘who I am’ toward art or creative process done by myself or others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to at times go into a diatribe of should I or shouldn’t I go to see this exhibition or movie or concert just because of seeing it as pointless, useless or a way to ‘activate my excitement’ without realizing that the polarity relationship of resistance was created because of all the definitions I had still held in separation of myself, such as the experiences I’d had when looking at certain paintings or movies or music – and within this believing that I had to ‘quit it’ no different to a drug that I had to let go for once and for all in order to not have to be ‘enticed’ by it once again and ‘get lost’ in it.

Now I see, realize and understand that these ‘fears’ of consequences if I would ‘delve’ into the artistic creation, were all based on the initial Desires I had placed or attributed to art and artistic creations of myself and others – therefore the sole creator of this inner conflict is obviously myself, my mind, my past habits and my apparent inability to conciliate my relationship with art to see it for what it is: matter, colors, sounds, images that I can look at in a way that is no different to appreciating or even enjoying any other part of this reality – and within that if an artistic creation can provide any support to this process of self-realization: that’s great, that’s a ‘plus’ point in relation to what I see is necessary for us to realize in this world – but, in no way does it mean that because an artwork, a film, or certain music aren’t related to a process of self-realization or ‘changing the world’ will it make it useless and pointless as those are solely my own beliefs, projections and even bitterness based on the polarity relationship I had created toward art in this love-hate paradigm, which is absolutely unnecessary once that I realize that it’s all about me letting go of still holding a relationship to art as something ‘special’ as that’s why I then kept separating ‘art’ or ‘artistic creations’ from the rest of the world and reality and people/beings in it, just because in my mind I have developed this judgmental filter toward anything that looks like, sounds like, works like something ‘artistic.’ Lol which is kind of funny and rather contradictory when understanding that separation is created by myself in my mind and I cannot advocate being one and equal to everything if there’s still a special love-hate relationship toward something or someone.

I realize that through stopping participation in judging/defining ‘art’ within a special bubble, then I can rather focus at looking, understanding and comprehending any part of reality including ‘artistic works’ for the human creation it is, for the intent it has and essentially assess that in the same manner and way that I asses a person, a person’s words, any other part of our reality, how we interact, how we create our relationships etc. And this is thus a way to stop holding the specialness-towards-art construct and start seeing it for what it is: another part of our world as our creation that we now have to take responsibility for it all ourselves.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to regret my decision to drop out of my initial first available career as linguistics as I see that that could’ve supported more in relation to processes of education and supporting others to develop effective language in a professional manner – and instead leave to pursue an artistic career that I mostly do not see myself as ‘following through’ with – at least not in such ‘artistic circles’ – because I’ve realized that I have now a direction that I’ve decided to take on in my life which has to do with being able to support myself and other individuals to become self-directive, self-responsible, self-honest human beings that can in turn no matter what we do, where we are, we are able to stand as living principles of self-creation that can be supportive in any field or profession in our lives.

This implies that I let go of the regret, guilt or shame for my choices in life, for the time I’ve perceived as ‘wasted’ or the ‘disillusionment’ that I created toward ‘art’ as a career in itself, which was all created in my mind and as such I take responsibility for it, to see it for what it was and now that I have such studies as foundation, I can also see what I can take from it, what I learned from it that can be implemented within the current process and direction in my life that I’ve decided to take on – and within this, understand my choices in life based on the context and time of my life when I made them. It is rather obvious that If the ‘who I am’ right now was ten years younger, I would have probably made different decisions in my life – however, also making those faux-passes have allowed me to learn from my mistakes and that this is actually stemming from fear of seeing ‘me as an artist as a failure’ because of not completing the whole ‘road to become an artist’ and so

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually create regret about my choices in life, without realizing that it’s actually stemming from me having wanted to ‘take the right road’ from the beginning, not wanting to fail, not wanting to be seen as a failure as an artist, or a drop out or vanish from other people’s lives as ‘she became weird and stopped doing art’ type of judgment as I see and realize that these are all judgments that I’ve created toward myself and that I now see, realize and understand that they have no point in being here ‘as me’ in my mind, because I am fully aware of the decisions I am now making in my life, being certain about the outcome and purpose that I am dedicating my life to and within this also not solidifying ‘the way’ to do it as something immovable or being non flexible in believing that ‘this is all I’ll ever do’ – as that creates a general rigidity that I’ve also seen the consequences thereof when I have to ‘break the definition’ or ‘break the pattern’ and kind of eat my own words and decisions. I realize that I am at a certain stage wherein the foundation of who I am, what I’ve decided to be and become as a person that stands as a living example of what it means to apply principles of life in equality, of self-responsibility, of integrity, of self-honesty, of changing one’s living patterns, is what I have decided within myself to do and live till the end of my life.

Now this doesn’t imply that I forcefully have to ‘fit’ my schooling-career into it or else, but see the multiple possibilities of what we can do and how we can apply our skills, talents and knowledge for self supportive purposes in this world, and step out of any rigidity within ‘having certain career’ only. I have also realized that the process I’m walking is that of self-creation: recreating myself after a deconstruction of who I have been in order to now integrate living principles that are supportive for ourselves as individuals that can now take self-responsibility for our creation.

 

When and as I see myself generating and overall experience of resistance or judgment or even rejection toward ‘art’ or ‘artistic expressions’ I stop myself and breathe. I realize that such experiences recreate my belief and construct of ‘failed relationship with art’ which only exists as a construct of memories, experiences, ideals and beliefs of myself toward art – and as such as I realize this I can immediately stop any judgment and experience toward the word ‘art’ or ‘artistic’ or ‘artist’ in order to see physicality for what it is, whether it is human beings, or matter with colors, or images, or sounds and images, or actions that are simply human creations that I can assess in a similar way in which I asses everything else and everyone else in my reality – no more, no less.

 

When and as I see myself experiencing guilt, shame, regret for my self-defined ‘failed’ choices in life in terms of careers and studies, I stop and I breathe – I realize this stems from the fear of being seen as a failure or a drop out which are only judgments I’ve created within my mind, the fear of not being ‘successful’ at what I was meant to do simply because I didn’t even follow through with it/ didn’t do the actual work to get that which is also another point to realize here how I decided to not invest myself on the traditional forms of art-creation and instead directed myself toward self-education within a context that is entirely new and doesn’t even have a proper ‘institutional name’ with which to ‘justify’ to others what I do now– without realizing that I don’t have to ‘be’ something/a definition for others as I am well aware of how I spend my life, my every day, what I work with, who I work with, for what purpose and what my aims are in it all – therefore I stop wanting to justify myself and my decisions toward others and focus on rather assessing and evaluating myself based on the principles, objectives and decisions I’ve made to dedicate myself to this process in the form of support, education, proposals for change that can be implemented at an individual and global level.

 

I commit myself to no longer re-create any form of pattern of experiences either positive or negative around ‘art’ or ‘artists’ or judge them as useless because of being ‘artists’ or such – as those are only judgments/tags in my mind –and instead see the point of creation for what it is, as a physical or intellectual creative process and as everything, investigate all things and take what’s best. So within this it is also to commit myself to make use of formal ways of doing art in order to share a particular message or understanding that I realize is supportive for ourselves as human beings in this world and necessary within the context of the changes that we require to give direction to if we want to continue living in this world. So within this

I commit myself to give priority to the points that I see are most relevant and a matter of survival when it comes to creating solutions to the problems in this world as that is what I have personally decided to do – working at an individual and collective level to present solutions, to walk them myself and so co-operate in the process of self-realization in our world. This is what I have decided to do which in no way it means that it is what I think everyone else should also do in relation to their relationship to arts as each person’s process is different and to me within the context I’ve placed it, stepping aside from the usual definition of ‘creating art’ also means focusing on being in the world, in the system, understanding it, redefining it, considering how to build our lives and our interactions in a more supportive way and not just trying to get an experience out of it as my previous definitions of art.

I realize that I can redefine art as what I do within this process of self-creation, but that is merely for academic purposes and in no way does it mean I am trying to justify or define the fact that I want to ‘keep being an artist’ but, If I have to justify what I do to academics, then for sure it’s self-creation process as my own work of art, while realizing within myself that a definition does not really ‘define’ or ‘limit’ who we really are, but I can play the role without getting lost in it again.

 

Will continue….

 

 

Movie screen

To learn more about the mind and how we can unleash our creative powers by integrating new living principles, check out:


387. The Love/Hate Relationship with Art

Here we go…

I require to open up – again – the relationship with art. I’ve noticed that I created some sort of past bad relationship experience with it, similar to the ones that I’ve had with people throughout my life wherein there were things unsaid, situations undirected and just cutting it up from one day to another without further communication. I realize I’ve done this with art creation and the general regret I’ve had in terms of the decision I took some 8 years ago to go to art school and actually drop out from my first choice which was linguistics and which would have probably been a lot more supportive for me to have as a degree than arts, and so there goes regret as well for the choices I made in the delusion of ‘I want to express myself ’ and limit that definition to only ‘arts’ and specifically visual arts. To begin with, a disclaimer here is to understand that I am walking/writing out my frame of mind and that whichever judgment I place here in relation to arts/artists/creative processes in art is what I’ve conjured up throughout time and self-reflection about my decisions in life and in no way does this imply an actual ‘bashing’ as all of these judgments, ideas, perceptions, conceptions will be self-forgiven.

 

DSC01870

The Illusion in this world is my responsibility

It’s been a bit over 10 years when I first begun painting and the experience within that was that of enjoyment when being able to pull out everything that I would usually write in creating these images/paintings that I then started defining as ‘who I am’ and within that, already beginning to define and limit my future according to wanting to be an artist, to be able to write or paint or play music or anything that had to do with what I assumed would enable me to express myself and at the same time, be able to instigate some sort of change in the world.

I’ve mostly walked throughout the years the ‘emotional’ aspect to art and my decisions to be an artist in order to not have to ‘be in the system’ and not have to face it, and not have to deal with a lot of people, being able to stand in the ‘background’ so to speak, like someone with ‘special needs’ or ‘special mind’ and ‘special interests’ hidden in a room behind some canvass or else, yet at the same time having the works themselves get to as many people as possible…. So that’s the type of idea of a nice, lavish lifestyle I was pursuing some 8 years ago, and I was quite on the ‘good track’ getting some initial points of recognition that also led me to see the ‘fame’ for what it was and really question myself if that is what I really wanted: to have some pictures in some room in another place in this world seen by other people and be glorified by how nice they are? Well, I decided it was not the way to do what I was already veering myself to do, which is wanting to ‘Change the world’ and thus using art as the way to change the world…. separation here, yes, in trying to use this one thing to ‘change the world’ without really realizing that nothing/no one can ‘change the world’ in itself, but ourselves.

 

So that’s where we begin.

The idea of Art as an instrument to “Change the World.”

The point is I tried to make My definition of Art fit with what would enable me to use it to demonstrate that it is possible to change the world. However I realized that no matter how many images I make, how many pictures I take, how many great ideas I would have I was entirely mostly having an imaginative outflow of how this could operate without ever really landing it into any serious/real project. I always kept everything at a low-fi level because right after the first year in Art school, I discovered Desteni and my interests veered dramatically – hence the ‘shutting down’ of any pursue to further my career to make a name of myself etc. However little did I know that as I’ve seen throughout time, many artists or creative people are the ones that have been able to conceive new ways of how to develop a society that is better for everyone. Somehow people related to art are at the head of certain movements like the proposition for a Basic Income by Enno Schmidt who is an artist. The example I’ve been able to see with a more ‘landed’ discourse on social change is Joseph Beuys that dared to propose an economic, political and social change through the realization that such change begins with self, using one’s thoughts and actions as the tools with which to sculpt ourselves and so becoming the change that we want to see in this world, by understanding the interdependent relationships we have toward one another and our necessity to establish a genuine economy that reflects the true inputs of the real capital – human work/intellect or applied intellect and the use of resources to provide a dignified living to everyone in a particular society/environment- which means everyone should be equally involved in this.

“Social Sculpture, a concept and medium the artist devised and later theorized in “I am Searching for Field Character” (1973), which articulates his belief in the creative capacity of every in-dividual to shape society through participation in cultural, political, and economic life. With his proclamation that “EVERY HUMAN BEING IS AN ART-IST,” poised to join others in the construction of “A SOCIAL ORGANISM AS A WORK OF ART,” Beuys reprised the fervor and axiomatic language of manifestos written by avant-garde artists in the early twentieth century. This promulgation expanded what art could be by acknowledging the viewer’s ability to co-create meaning alongside the artist and, consequently, placed the production of art and knowledge within the scope of the viewer just as much as that of the artist.” – Joseph Beuys – Organization for Direct Democracy by Referendum

 

He went on as far as creating direct democratic referendums as part of his work of art and forming part of a political party, as well as founding a school that was aimed at providing the necessary platform for people to continue the work of social sculpture – which unfortunately I haven’t seen any further fruition from it. He also went on with economists and discussed the concept and idea/symbol of money and with that book ‘What is Money?’ realizing that the idea of social, political and economic change is not an entirely dissociated idea from an artist’s field of work. He also even funded an educational institution which is part of his legacy to continue understanding the multidisciplinary processes that education should involve.

It is so that having the ability to question more, to question reality, to analyze it in its complexity from the ‘eye of an artist’ can lead us all to become better social scientists,   questioning things that have become automated in our reality: money, politics, education, social structures, words and their definitions, mass media and its power to brainwash everyone… then I found people like Guy Debord and Marshall McLuhan who completed the narrative in relation to the world system as the reflection of ourselves, of our ‘revolutions’ as failed attempts to change something that first should be changed at an individual level – and this all made sense, I am grateful for having read these individuals to confirm what I was at the same time walking with/as part of Desteni as well as Foucault on his first chapter in Madness and Civilization about the Ship of the Fools or Stultifera Navis wherein every person that would be defined as ‘crazy/ mad/ eccentric’ would be ousted from society along with every other individual that would simply not be willing to conform to the norm or be defined as mentally insane. I could relate to all of this, however it was all still too defined within the ‘artistic realm’ and so what I did is that upon realizing that ‘art’ for now is ‘just another sector of society’ and almost another cult/religion in itself, I tried to dissociate myself from such tag just because I had judged it as pretentious and ‘special,’ because that is how I came to judge myself or who/what I was going to ‘become’ as an individual if I hadn’t actually stopped myself from upgrading and accumulating all of this definitions onto the ‘artistic persona’ I was aiming at becoming.

I’m also glad that I’ve done that because then the whole ‘specialness’ and ‘uniqueness’ idea of myself that I had about me and that I believed that I should be ‘recognized for’ in the world has been mostly vanished. But after that, there’s  a ‘void’  left in terms of the relationship to art/creative expression as I mostly simply stopped it altogether and wanted to have– apparently – nothing to do with it, which involved me having finished also school in Arts where most of the time I was already knowing that I wasn’t going to become an ‘artist’ in the most traditional sense of the word. I learned about many points wherein artists have participated in ‘revolutionary movements’ but certainly it is no different to how any artist at the moment goes out and paints murals about Snowden, Manning and Assange to glorify them as heroes and shouts at the front of some parliamentary building demanding change… which is absolutely futile.

 

It was not enough

 

So the disillusionment with arts have to do with My Own expectations about it. How I thought that this was ‘the way’ to change the world and of course I didn’t follow through with ‘becoming an artist’ in the traditional sense which I then perceived as myself already ‘opting out’ of it all and seeing the sheer idea of dedicating myself to ‘create art’ as utterly selfish, without realizing how much I had desired ‘that’ to be my reality before. I’ve also been recently sharing about these points with people, explaining how I’m not proud of the decisions I made earlier on in my life and how I would not recommend anyone to study arts. I do however not say ‘don’t study arts’ but simply place my own expectations, my own experience, my decision to do something else and how such studies were a nice platform but not real tools to do what I am doing now. So when I find ‘artists’ defined as such, there’s an attempt to me to see if they also see the futility that I see in art as well – well this happened with one specific person in one specific moment.

A Spell to Ward off the Darkness is the title of a documentary/film that is mostly existential in nature and more like an ‘art film’ than documentary – even though I agree with Ben Russell, one of the directors, on how an objective documentary doesn’t really exist as there’s always a ‘frame’ that is defined by the one filming/directing, so from that perspective yes it’s not really ‘objective.’ However I did notice that this movie was entirely aimed at creating an emotional experience about it, with majestic landscapes, very little dialogue and loud black metal music at the end. I had the opportunity to ask a question to Ben after the screening and when I realized that my theory of how and why Black Metal emerged ( lol ) was nowhere near their intentions within this movie, and he veered off into something else I saw myself judging the individual as ‘typical artist’ that responds with quite a lot of rhetorical rubbish before getting to answer the question. It didn’t end up there, I wrote him back an email essentially asking him whether he considered art was meant to be a hammer with which to shape the world, to prove that we can change it. And then I got quite a bold and rather supportive reply from him which made me realize that I was being an ego myself trying to impose onto other artists/film makers My idea of what art should be, and how if their creations were merely ‘emotional’ then they were useless to what I’ve defined ‘the purpose’ of art.

I realize that after this brief exchange with him where I had certainly ‘demanded’ some answers from him about his intent on his film, he essentially told me that maybe this wasn’t a text/film for me, and that left it very clear how I was trying to make such film fit my standards of what art should be and be used for, instead of it being a creative process in itself.  I also see and realize that I’ve become a ‘victim’ of my own judgments, my own definitions and so I’ve generated a rigidity about what art was supposed to be, what art didn’t ‘fulfill’ within me and thus justify the reasons why I got to see art as entirely useless and self-centered activity. These are all judgments of course that should be seen for what they are, my own creation in order to become my own ‘word – redefiner’ – (see previous post on Rumsfeld) – in order to make of my decision to not further any artistic endeavors as the ‘right thing to do’ and so justify it with now ‘bashing’ artistic views that are not the same as ‘my own’ somehow so as to make my decision sound right and be righteous about my decision. This is not only the desire to be right about this, but also imposing the same mind-frames with which we have created religions and beliefs in the past, and we’re definitely here to stop such knowledge and information rigidity.

 

Also, the point here is not to go into the usual ‘extremes’ I would tend to go into when quitting/stopping/halting something wherein the entire love-hate relationship is generated. And this is quite the perfect example of how we create ‘hate’ – and even if in my case I wasn’t emotionally ‘hating’ art –  when our initial expectations about something/someone are not met and so, we become the epitome of ‘not wanting to know anything about’ that which we had previously set a high standard upon. This implies also the pattern of ‘blaming’ it, blaming apparently ‘art’ for not fulfilling or satisfying my initial intentions, without realizing that it was me that wanted to first make of art my ‘way out’ of ‘the system’ or a way to evade it, and when realizing I really can’t do that, then I simply believed that I had to ‘let go’ of it overall and completely -  without realizing that this is no different to just running away from a relationship that ‘didn’t work out’ without first taking the time to understand Why it didn’t work out or how and that means that through understanding the problem, we can also create solutions.

My overall attitude to this all, however, was within the mentality of not wanting to create anything but still be interested in looking art, admiring paintings or other artists and kind of playing the game of I like it but I shouldn’t like it – I mean, it is quite an unnecessary game that I create in my mind just because I had previously given too much value onto ‘art’ and what it ‘meant to me’ and how my entire life was supposed to be ‘intertwined’ around art, and how the moment I started dissociating myself from it it meant like a literal relationship breakup, when it should Not be like that at all. I mean if I had criticized this types of relationships between individuals, how hadn’t I seen that I’ve been living the exact same pattern with my relationship to ‘art’ and within that every other person that I related myself to from the art-vein of my life-experience? It doesn’t make sense as that implies I resist ‘it’/them which implies I hold a dear relationship of separation. So this is a till here no further.

 

I have to then point out the practicality of the decision here which I might have written out before but here it comes again so as to iron out any wrinkles on my side. It is no doubt that we all can create things, be expressive in any artistic endeavor and enjoy the process of creating it and sharing it with the world etc. – however at the moment in our world and reality, I do see it as rather impractical to be fully dedicated to the creation of art/plastic arts specifically when there’s so much to get done in this world in relation to education, to understanding who/what we are as human beings in our minds, how we direct in our lives, how we’ve created this world system and through understanding it all, be able to now establish and conduct solutions at an individual and collective level – and this is what I’ve decided to do. However I see that even if for me this is ‘clear’ there’s still a shadow of a doubt in relation to how people ask me ‘what am I doing’ and within this believing that I should be speaking about the many paintings or etchings or whatever I’ve created as a result of my work as ‘an artist’ in the formal/traditional sense of the word.  So I come upfront and explain how I’m not doing that and what I dedicate myself to, which sounds ‘interesting’ to most but I see that as long as I still hold on a judgment about this as me ‘having wasted my time in art school’ or ‘not developing myself as an artist’ then no matter who/what questions are asked, I’ll still experience that shadow of a doubt simply because I’ve judged it as a failed decision in my life.

 

The dictatorship of definitions

And this I might have shared before but it’s relevant to bring it up again as it’s been coming up many more times, as well as with what ‘I do’ with my life since I mostly work on the internet and there is currently no institutionalized career that defines what I do within this process at Desteni to be a point of support for myself and others in this world to walk this process which I do entirely see as vital and the most important thing to dedicate ourselves to in this world, which is a necessary step if we ever want everyone to genuinely enjoy an artistic lifestyle of creating/expressing in a world where hunger, wars, poverty, corruption, greed and a lousy economic system can be no more. All changes begin within self and so I have entirely decided to step aside from my artistic endeavors to dedicate myself to this process of Education, of being an example of this change myself, of supporting other people walking this process, of investigating economic and political solutions, of sharing/talking about these necessary changes at an individual and collective level, as that is how we can then all as human beings take self-responsibility for the world in shambles we have created – so that is what our artistry has been defined by, and I’m in no way proud of the world we’ve wrought here.

 

 

I have also said before how this process in itself is a self-creation process, hence I am my own work of art. However the ‘art’ definition here is obviously not the common one and that’s probably my inner dissonance which I am here to straighten up and redefine so that I stop separating myself from what I’ve defined as ‘artistic creation’ in the most traditional sense and what I ‘should’ be creating,  and rather integrate the principle of self-creation in whatever thought, word, deed as myself including the activities I’ve defined as merely ‘artistic’ such as ‘creative writing,’ shooting videos, painting pictures, taking pictures and lol even as I write this it is like oh shit that’s all just pointless drama-creations of me, who I was before. However that’s how I’ve limited them to be instead of seeing how visual art is quite a powerful way to provide/promote a message and a more digestible or ’friendly’ way to explain living principles through images, films to make them more palpable – whereas with just theory not everyone might be able to find it or understand it.

 

So, this is to see how it is about expanding myself to see the potential that exists in everything that is already here in this world. I would be my own worst enemy if I would define art or being an artist as something pointless or mere egotistic – it is nothing more and nothing less than a definition and judgment, instead of considering that as anything and every other job/profession in this world can be seen for what it is, for its potential, its redefinition to be self-supportive and to use it as a tool to provide ways to look at the world in a different manner and how to ‘eat it’ meaning how to live it, to understand it, to embrace it. That’s what I’ve also noticed is lacking within Art.

 

 

Art as a tool for change?

It’s relatively ‘easy’ to identify the patterns or the problems, and represent them – but driving the problem through to the solutions is mostly always missing. So that’s the kind of principles of self-creation that I’d like to contribute with in relation to art/art-theory if you want to call it that which is not limited to artists or people that study art, but to any human being that wants to become an instrument themselves, a tool with which to conduct and become the change that I realize is necessary in this world. I’ve identified the problems, so I’m working on the solutions and that is no physical ‘work of art’ but if I take on Sol Lewitt’s paragraphs of art in relation to making of the process itself, the structure, the plan of a work of art the ‘piece’ in itself or in other words “If the artist carries through his idea and makes it into visible form, then all the steps in the process are of importance. The idea itself, even if not made visual, is as much a work of art as any finished product. All intervening steps –scribbles, sketches, drawings, failed works, models, studies, thoughts, conversations– are of interest. Those that show the thought process of the artist are sometimes more interesting than the final product.”

 

…then my entire life is also then that: self-creation and supporting other people’s self-creative processes. Lol, am I theoretically justifying myself as an ‘artist’ here? Can be, but why not? I’ve read such blatant bullshit in art-theory that expanding art-theory to self-creation within principles of life in Equality, of Self-Responsibility, of Dignity, Integrity, producing solutions is quite the most meaningful thing we can do as human beings after centuries of emotional, material or conceptual glorification in art. Time for Life to be supported in everything that we do beginning at a thought level and that begins with ourselves, with becoming the master-pieces that I’ve seen and realized I sought to ‘create’ outside of myself or to use ‘art’ as some kind of alter-ego platform to glorify myself through the eyes of others. Self-honesty is required within art, understanding why one wants to create art and if the purpose, aim or objective and starting point of creation is actually aligned with a ‘higher purpose’ or goal which is then how I am seeing that art can be used to educate people, to wake people up, to provide new understandings and ways to understand, behave and co-exist  in the world – but that still has to be lived by and applied by each one of us first as first ‘test-runs’ in this process.

 

I realize there’s really ‘nothing’ that can ‘change you’ as that would then be the idea of this ‘magic red pill’ that you simply take it and understand everything about the Matrix and reality, the mind, who we are as our mind, the world-systems we’ve governed ourselves by, etc. So, in that sense what we can all do is become the example of what it is to walk such process, to provide and produce educational materials/writings/videos or whichever ‘tool’ we can use to support others in the inevitable process that is here as our process of realizing who we really are as life. Easily said, a whole other story to understand it as to what it in fact implies.

 

I’ll continue with walking Self-Forgiveness on specific points mentioned here, as well as the Self Corrective Statements to redirect my relationship formed with art/artistic creation and artists themselves so as to no longer limit myself and others through my own definitions of art or ‘what art should be’ and instead focus on my own process of self-creation and the endeavor I’ve taken on to be that point of support for others as well, a birthing-as-life supporter which is what I in fact really wanted to do since I can remember. I can use all tools available in this world for this purpose without limiting myself within it and that’s also the process of expansion here that is necessary for me to clarify and structure as well.

 

” Economics is not only a money making principle. It can be a way of production to fulfill the demands of people all over the world. Capital is human kind’s ability in work, not just money. Thus economics includes the creativity of people. Creativity equals Capital” – Joseph Beuys

 

 

Fuck Pollock, He's Done it All 05

Fuck it, Pollock has done it all  – 2005

 

Watch:

 

To learn more about the mind and how we can unleash our creative powers by integrating new living principles, check out:


382. Human Decay and the Wolf of Wall Street

 

One goes to the movies in an attempt to have a good time, to just have some kind of ‘distraction’ from the routine and simply sit and be passively absorbing a movie that is supposed to leave you with a good taste in your mouth… that was certainly not the case when I went to watch The Wolf of Wall Street, in fact it turned out to be quite a shocking social experiment that not only involved what I was watching on the big screen for three hours, but also the audience’s reactions as well, and that’s where the ‘cognitive dissonance’ situation started.

I decided to watch this movie after hearing from others how it would open up many dimensions to consider in relation to the world system and the lies we are buying and selling within our current world-system driven by money, where money is god and justifies any and all forms of abuse. Now, I have to describe the whole set up so that we understand why the reactions also ‘hit home’ in a way within me. I invited my parents to watch the film and I decided that it was a good opportunity to watch it in these VIP movie theatres because of my father’s birthday, so the whole plan seemed to be great and in a way it was, yet I kept pondering why the hell can’t we all just have ‘VIP movie theaters as a norm’ but it’s simply obvious that it would be unsustainable for ‘large doses of people’ to get this kind of comfort -  this peculiarity adds up to the unfolding reactions, as well as the ability of ‘choice’ that we have in our current system when it comes to what money can afford and what kind of ‘luxury’ we decide to give to ourselves, that’s how choice exists as the moment.

 

Wolf of Wall Street -Human Decay - Marlenlife

 

Why the title of this blog? Watching the film wasn’t something that made me laugh at all, it was rather a bit of a shocking experience, probably due to being analyzing every bit of it in terms of what is now shown as ‘R Rated films’ which is straightforward porn – and that’s in my eyes since I have little to no reference of what current porn looks like, other than the one showing up now as ‘soft core porn’ and your regular pop-star shows that resemble a bit to it – and to me that’ was also kind of shocking since I don’t currently watch many movies or series and I’m not that up-to-date as to what is shown as ‘entertainment.’ So, overall I was examining the film and people’s reactions that I then reacted to on my own.  ‘Raising the bar’ is the expression that comes, the laxity toward showing the ‘hardcore stuff’ is probably a morality point I have to walk through since I’m not that familiar with porn stuff so anything to me already becomes ‘too much’ yet, this movie is a true story and I have no doubt all of it and most likely much worse things take place on a daily basis in the lives of the ‘rich and the famous’ or wall street brokers.

 

So, the movie in itself exposes the nature of who we have become as humanity to the extreme of greed, lust, addictions, sociopathic behavior, compulsive lying, egomaniacs and all the disorders that having money in excess brings in the mind of a regular folk that lives day by day desiring to be rich, which is virtually anyone of us.

What perplexed me the most was when some of the most excessive, nasty and brutal behaviors were meant to be ‘funny’ in the movie, but to me it was rather plain shocking to see what was it that was ‘meant to be funny’ when in fact, it was the depiction of human decay in the 21st century where there seems to be no bottom to the pockets of the rich -   and yes, I wasn’t even that shocked when watching something like Fear and loathing in Las Vegas – and this is probably because the people in the movie are our regular ‘successful business men and women that ‘hit the jackpot’ without the rest of us understanding how such ‘jackpot’ can really only exist by committing financial crimes which is making money in illegal manners that are, not surprisingly, accepted and allowed in our current system.

 

Back to the supposed-to-be-funny moments, I heard people laughing in the movies about it, as if the ultimate human stupidity that comes with feeding excessive greed is something funny – this is a movie theater filled with ‘VIP people’ or people with sufficient money to maybe think that they knew what they were laughing about because of having experienced similar stuff themselves, as if one could laugh about human disgrace. All of it: my own judgments and having taking it personal, like many other times throughout my life where I wanted people to see things ‘my way’ and if this wasn’t the case, then I would react.

Supposed to be funny moments - wolf of wall street

 

All of this, is my own backchat, judgment, over-analysis and the reason why it is so is because when I went out of the movies the first thing that I told my parents was: How on Earth can these people laugh at such movie? What the fuck is wrong with them?’ but, the reality is that I created my own experience, reacting with shame once again to being a human being, to be living in a world where the life of ‘the rich and famous’ is something I have accepted and allowed and previously even desired as well due to environmental indoctrination of how we are taught how to create a ‘dream’ of our ‘ideal life’ and ‘follow it’ until ‘we make it.

If anything the movie portrays the bottom of where we are as humanity, becoming the lowest point in existence from which we can only stand up, learn how to live and take self-responsibility or cease to exist. The problem is when an aversion comes up, generating this experience wherein it is easier to think about ‘having everyone erased from the face of the Earth’ than standing as solution. For a moment, I ‘lost myself’ after watching the movie, understanding that the reason why people find human decay as something funny is because most can relate to what this guy desired and lived like which is like an empathic laughter from seeing to what extent a human being can go to follow the carrot on the stick, and actually trick everyone while grabbing the stick and making it work at your own plus-benefit.

 

shock wolf of wall street

 

I understand that every time I react even the least, even for a short period of time the point is to be investigated and surely with this entire movie as a huge trigger point there are many aspects to it that I see I require to dissect in order to uncover another layer of what could be the shame or aversion to being a human being, which is nothing else than a smokescreen, an experience that veils the reality of the matter: I am part of humanity, I am humanity and creating a judgment, a reaction toward myself means I am still separate from what I have defined as ‘human decay.’

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with disgust and disdain toward the behavior of people that are rich and have ‘all the power’ to neglect who they are as living beings and as such believe they have lost all sense of dignity and self-respect, only focusing on following ‘their desires’ their wants and needs regardless of who they have to kill, abuse or lie to, without realizing that ‘rich people’ as the elite or anyone in a current position of ‘having more than others’ is in fact no different to what people with ‘lots of money’ do and think-like in their minds, which makes me no different to any human being that gets to such levels of human decay following the light, love, money, power which is what we all exist as every time we use our minds to think and only consider our self-interest, since all that who we are as the mind is and has become is nothing but the ultimate ego, ultimate survival system of ‘having the most’ to secure one’s ability to abuse others in order to keep making ‘more money/accumulating the most power so as to avoid having to take responsibility for one’s actions in this world.

I realize that we all do what any person in an apparent position of power does: follows the ways in which the least effort, the least responsibility and accountability can exist, where one can have ‘the most’ and ‘the best of the best’ regardless of considering at the expense of who or what one is getting such luxuries, comforts, treats and any point that one can buy with money in this world. I am equally responsible to this, since not everyone in this world can have access to such goods, not to mention the ability to separate oneself from ‘the horrors of the world’ by using money as a shield to blind ourselves from our reality, the sheer actual reality that we are separating ourselves from due to the ‘power of money’ which makes me no different to any other being-with-power,  regardless of the amount of money one has- that can avoid the harshness of living without money in this world, where some are not ‘recognized’ as  human beings due to being poor or being out of the ‘loop’ of the considered productive members of society or money-making-puppets that we’ve become, neglecting the life that exists in equality within all of us an only existing in the bubble of the mind that is constantly seeking self-interest, the most pleasures, the most ‘quality living’ which needs the most money too and within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to come to criticize money in itself and people that have ‘way more than normal,’ without realizing that the current polarity that is created between poverty and wealth is what I have come to judge and criticize, since both polarities as extremes are not what is best for all. Wealth can be seen as a privilege at the moment, but the more one has, the more one desires in the mind – so what I see is required of me is to not judge money, not judge comfort and luxury in itself, but rather establish that point of balance within me and so within others so that we come to realize how we require a sustainable and realistic living behavior, since ultimately in this movie we can witness how excess leads to human decay, the same way that poverty keeps a human being unable to develop themselves to their utmost potential.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create ‘aversion’ to what I perceive as greedy ambitious and lustful human beings corrupted by money, without realizing that money in itself is our ‘finest creation’ in this reality which exemplifies to the T what we are constantly doing to ourselves in our physical bodies every time that we participate in the mind, of emotions, feelings, backchats, desires, wants and needs, corrupting and abusing the very flesh and bones and every cell that we put through an excruciating pain every time we generate what we perceive is a ‘good feeling’ called energy, of any kind – whether defined as positive or negative – this ‘high’ that comes with power, with ‘having lots of money’ is not coming ‘for free’ and money in itself is the external representation of the abuse that we have imposed toward ourselves, eating away of our physical to feed the energy-systems of the mind, becoming our very own predators and at the same time  becoming completely possessed by that desire to have more, to ‘have it all’, to be all powerful and almighty, as the gods that have made of this world our image and likeness, the greatest decay, the most extensive separation that exists  within ourselves and toward each other, toward our reality, being a physical body that contains the life substance that is what is equal and one to everything that exists, yet at the same time being so separated, abusive toward one another and being willing to harm another in the name of money. 

I realize that the aversion perceived is nothing else than a smokescreen, a veil, a tunnel vision in which I comfortably exist within a momentary experience of disgust, disdain, aversion, anger toward ‘humanity’ or the general public that ‘surely watches the movie and laughs’ without realizing the obvious separation and judgment created wherein I take others’ laughter as an example of how indoctrinated we are when it coms to ‘entertainment’ and through movies pushing the boundaries of ‘what is funny, what is ‘acceptable’ to show on the movie screen etc. without realizing that all of this is the epitome, the creation of who we are and have become as human beings that have abdicated all sense of reality, where all that exists is who we are being directed by our mind, by consciousness, existing as programs that will continue resourcing energy from ourselves without even understanding how such relationship of abuse exists, because we have lived within the notion that abuse is pleasure within the frame of reference of the mind itself.  where any experience – good or bad  in the mind is to its benefit -  without realizing and understanding how everything we believe feels ‘good’ or is ‘nice’ is in fact the most consequential. 

I realize that within the extensive brainwashing that we are witnessing nowadays, a person that has only grown up watching the excesses of ‘the rich and the famous’ grows to see that as normal, as what’s ‘acceptable to do ‘ with money and consequently ‘power,’ without realizing that such move is in fact allowed without considering the relationship of abuse entailed with it and as such, finding it funny through how such depictions of a reality of excess are shown in the movies is then something ‘normal’ within our current mind frame where more and more we see the worst cases of human decay happening every day in this world, and most of it – if not all of it – being the result of having followed and fueled our personal dreams, desires that become addictive obsessions.

 

When and as I see myself reacting to people’s reactions by judging the reactions as unbelievable and unacceptable in terms of how I judge their laughter in a movie that I do not consider as ‘funny’ due to how I have judged the actions represented in it as rather sad, disgusting or shameful, I stop and I breathe. I realize that I then turn my own reactions as ‘truth’ as ‘how others should react to’ in an attempt to once again make people ‘think the way I do’ and so, when seeing that this is not how people’ mind operate, I react because I don’t get my expected confirmation that: this should not be funny, and instead react with the negative polarity to people’s laughter in this situation, just because I had already judged the actions in the movie as negative: disgusting, sad, shameful – without realizing that me judging such actions does nothing to change the origin and nature of what I am watching in that moment – judging it as bad, wrong, shameful, sad, disgraceful is simply fueling my personality traits as the ‘righteous judge’ that can point out what’s bad and good, what’s right or wrong, which is another trait of my mind and as such, it is of no support at all.

 

I commit myself to stop trying to enforce my judgment onto others, and as such stop my reaction towards others’ reactions when seeing that they don’t react ‘the same way I do,’ but in fact do the opposite to what I experience -  which is how I realize that when I am in the mind reacting, no matter how ‘subtle’ it is, I will always be playing the same polarity game and as such, I decide to stop any reaction or experience within me, and as such, also preventing any comparison in terms of ‘my judgment/ my reactions’ in relation to others’ reactions and judgments, as this only perpetuates the same problems that we see in this world where we remain divided and conquered, in our apparent inability to come to agree on ‘what is best for all,’ which in itself will be an entire process for each one of us to walk.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to throughout my life be very ‘vocal’ and ‘expressive’ about everything that I saw as ‘fucked up’ and ‘wrong’ in reality, in an attempt to ‘change others by witnessing my judgment and thoughts about the problem’ without realizing that only criticizing, judging, blaming, pointing fingers, becoming angry and make a big deal out of what we see is ‘wrong’ and ‘bad’ does nothing to solve the problem, but in fact it only perpetuates it further, since I am only using the mind to create an experience of disdain, disgust, shame, anger and general criticism without understanding the origin and cause of that which I am judging as a problem, and within this, I only become part of the problem by only adding mind-reactions to it, instead of investigating solutions within myself first.

 

I realize that no matter how much I shout, yell, scream and attempt others to see ‘my reaction’ to kind of ‘wake up’ and ponder their own passivity with ‘falling for the humor or good feeling’ of something that I have defined as shameful, sad and of utmost decay, I cannot change an individual only by seeing the opposite reaction to theirs, nor can I through my own emotional experience to how others think and react can I change others either. So,

I commit myself to be able to watch, read, witness social interactions, movies and every day life situations without going into this automated judgment of right and wrong, taking part in the polarization of society where we stand against each other in relation to what we support, like and prefer and what we don’t – Instead I focus on myself, understanding my own reactions first so that I am able to stand absolutely clear no matter what I watch, who am I with, where I am with and develop the ability to understand the origin of something, to relate it to myself, to stop any judgments about it and rather use it to constructively educate ourselves further about how we can change something in particular that we see is not aligned with what is best for all – and that will be an actual process of investigation: how we got ourselves to this point in our lives of maximum consequence, to see what has influenced certain behavior, actions, deeds in our race and so, without reactions or judgments, be able to establish a solution, which is what I am committed to doing here, myself.

 

I realize that judging, criticizing people due to the amount of money, power, superior position in the social pyramid does nothing at all to solve the extreme inequality we’re facing at the moment, nor will my reactions help others to look further into the problem either. I can only first ensure that I stop projecting blame, judgment, criticizing, getting exalted by witnessing – even if it is through a movie-a part of myself, a part of the reality I am collectively accepting and allowing, and that is actually fueled by the same thoughts, feelings and desires that we all participate in our mind whenever we seek something ‘good’ or ‘positive’ in our lives, disregarding what it actually takes to get it, who we are abusing to obtain it and how we impact each other’s life by it.

 

I will continue to disclose more on these judgments that come up at times, and that had become almost an automated-acceptance until I am able to be entirely clear and not have these fleeting ‘acceptances’ and excusing them with the idea that ‘well, I might open another’s eyes by me expressing my disgust about it’ because this only perpetuates the problem – and ultimately we all know that: that which we judge in others, we have to first take back to self.

 

Di Caprio crawling to car - Wolf of Wall Street

Bottom line: I suggest watching the movie to check your own reactions too

 

Vlogs:

Are You Ashamed of Humanity?

Economic Self-Education with The Wolf of Wall Street
Wolf of Wall Street Review and Response to Anna Brix

 

Blog:

152. Human Race Embarrassment: Shame on Us « MarlenLife’s Bloghttps://marlenvargasdelrazo.wordpress.com/2012/09/14/152-human-race-embarrassment-shame-on-us/

 

 

To stop judging humanity and start taking self responsibility:


380. Conditioned by Memories

to react with emotions upon receiving bad news.

Dreams are a cool place where we can still face points that might not be in our reality any longer, but that we can still test out ‘where we stand’ in relation to certain people, situations, events and so this is also within the understanding that no matter in which conditions we create the situation – either real life or dreams or else – process remains the same in one’s application, essentially in all dimensions of self.

Last night I had a dream about someone – one of the few people – I had come to consider as a ‘friend’ in high school who has been the one person I’ve met with after all these years and grew ‘fond’ of for the time we were together in school, and certainly in my mind he has remained as the ‘only one person I could care about of all those people’ as a point of separation.

In my dream, he would tell me that he had cancer and was extremely sad and the moment that he hugged me, IN MY MIND in the dream is as if I was THINKING that I should feel sad about it, that I should ‘show some emotion’ on it, that I could maybe go to the past, and bring up the nice experiences I used to have with him and so place them into context to this moment of him telling me these ‘bad news’ and now feel bad/sad about it, but it was very interesting how there was nothing, zero experience within me other than the belief that maybe I should become sad so that he knows ‘I care’ but really, that’s essentially what we have been conditioned to think.

In my dream it was very interesting how at the mind/intention level there was still this inkling of idea that ‘I must show emotion to let him know I care’ but physically I could not experience anything in the dream, nothing else but the physical embrace and being with the person that moment, even if he was decidedly sad and in tears about it.

DSC08348

 

So, why do I share this? Because since the beginning of my process, one of the first points I complained about ‘having to stop my mind’ as I had understood it at the beginning, was “Well, what the hell am I going to become without my emotions and feelings, a Robot!?? Is that what you want me to be!!??” and I was quite well under a storm in my own glass of water about it, only later realizing that such tantrum was actually performed by me as the mind, and not me as the point of self-awareness that realizes that: we are not our emotions and feelings, we are physical beings and as such, we direct ourselves in practicality and common sense.

One would then say “Well, so if you don’t become sad or show emotion to demonstrate you ‘care’ about someone, how do you do it?’ – And so I realized in the dream that the point of stability, who I was in that moment of getting the news and seeing the person cry, be the point of stability, being there as breath as there is nothing else I was able to do – my tears or emotion would do nothing to fix the problem and so, it is the same when any other circumstances come our way where we cannot physically do anything to fix/solve the problem, the most we can do is stand as the breathing pillar of support, being there for the person/being in distress whenever one can, and support with anything we are able to support with in self-honesty: meaning not trying to ‘save’ the person, but understanding also the ‘greater picture’ of how consequences manifest.

So, I found it fascinating how the ghostly mind whispers would be like a sensation of ‘I require to become emotional, I need to FEEL something right now, come on!’ lol, almost like if I didn’t feel anything then I would be a ‘dead’ person or ‘bad’ and kind of try and create the emotion in the moment out of memories and so forth… but it didn’t work, so I simply embraced the physicality of being here, with the person, breathing and not having to feel or become emotional about it, but only reiterate my support with anything I could contribute with.

 

However, I do see there’s more to it within questioning why the hell was it that one person in my world that I dreamed of, what was the particular relationship set up? How did he become ‘special’ in terms of my past and relationships? And that’s what I’ll begin looking at here:

 

Self Forgiveness:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep the idea of who A is as ‘someone special from school’ which has caused me to then in the dream bring up the idea of himself as this ‘special person getting sick’ so that in my mind, I could have a ‘reason’ to become sad because apparently ‘he’s a special person to me,’ without realizing that in keeping him as a memory of all the ‘good times’ and the ability to communicate that we had, I had created a ‘good/positive’ experience toward him, as someone that I ‘specially care for’ and in this, still existing as the perception that I created over time about him, which separates him from the rest of the people and myself as being one and equal, because in equality, there can be no special bonds, or special friendships or relationships that we ponder above others.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to at some level in my dream, attempt to lure myself into ‘becoming emotional’ because that’s what apparently he deserved after having been a ‘special person/friend’ in my life, and so believing that ‘I should demonstrate my ‘care’ for him by becoming sad or cry and be emotional about his condition,’ without realizing that it is precisely this type of self-manipulation wherein we give into the mind just because of accepting the conditioning of ‘how we have to behave when we get ‘bad news’ or when something ‘bad’/unfortunate happens to another, without realizing that this is the same form of trap that we create in terms of relationships, and caring MORE for one individual or a few individuals than the rest of the world.

I see and realize that if I was to become sad about ‘bad things happening to others’, I would be sad all day long since this world is nothing but a consequential chain reaction of unfortunate events, and manifested consequences that lead to suffering and pain, and nothing will change unless we first understand how we create our own sickness, our own misfortune, how we contribute to the pain and abuse in this world by us precisely giving into the mind, which does Nothing to solve the problem but further compound the problem, since in the mind, working with energy: there is no solution at all.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to in the dream want to ‘reason’ his cancer sickness trying to grab memories of ‘who he is’ and how I had believed him to be very ‘conceited’ at first and how i had in fact gone form hate to ‘love’ with this person, and how I tried to ‘make sense’ of his sickness due to the manifested consequences of the time when I had defined that he was an ‘a-hole.’

I realize that what I created in my dream was exactly what I have been witnessing around me when it comes to seeing people with certain power or certain air of grandeur being humbled by loss, suffering, pain, sickness and so forth and so in my dream reasoning that this is why he had ‘cancer’ and trying to ‘make sense’ of the problem by all the judgments that I in fact created toward him at the very beginning of getting to know him, which later on turned into the exact opposite and so, in the dream I am being shown how I had created the pattern of ‘from hate to love’ toward another, love as the appreciation of someone, of ‘specialness’ and ‘care’ without realizing that it had been a mechanism of the mind to be able to actually ‘cope’ with the person and be better as ‘friends’ than ‘enemies’ lol, which is kind of interesting then, because I realize that I had also many times wished him to ‘go f… himself’ and so when seeing that point of vulnerability and seeing that he was no longer the ‘almighty person’ I had perceived him to be, that he was ‘at last’ being ‘grounded by consequence,’ without realizing that I created and generated all of this situation in the mind to realize that the ‘hold’ that I had kept toward this particular person is existent because I wanted to hold on to this ‘special relationship’ that we had as friends and colleagues mostly, and so giving it value within ‘who I am’ and ‘what I came to be for him and what he came to be for me’ as this ‘great lesson’ of how we could talk through our initial rivalry and antagonism and get to be ‘good friends.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to these ideas, perceptions, memories of people in my past as something ‘great’ and holding on to the positivity of it, because of believing that I/we had done a ‘great job’ to ‘teach others how to go from hate to love/appreciation’ which I see that it remained as this ‘special relationship’ due to the actual struggle that it represented at first with him, in this

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge A extensively at the very beginning of knowing him for the amount of money that he had, considering him as arrogant and an asshole all the way, which is why within this judgment I would usually confront him and deliberately want to ‘prove him wrong’ which would lead us to this ‘enemy relationship’ that later on due to my own deliberate explanation to our teachers how ‘I could not stand him,’ lol, he remained in the same class as I did for the rest of the 3 years of high school, which is funny and I’m grateful how teachers asked me about this point because I had difficulty relating myself to people, and so they knew that this guy ‘A’ was one of the main problems and so, they deliberately kept us in the same class, until we started becoming ‘friends’ once that we were able to communicate about topics that others would not usually engage in.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a ‘good experience’ while ‘remembering the time when I became friends with A’ because in the mind it was the turnover from the absolute ‘hate’ or disdain that I had formed toward him, to the positive as the ‘nice experience’ it became to be friends with him and to have someone to talk to about stuff I ‘cared’ for, and so, within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to keep a ‘good memory’ with ‘positive experiences’ about the relationships I’ve formed with people that I considered as a ‘challenge,’ without realizing that such ‘challenge’ implies that i had first seen the person within the scope of ‘negative experience toward them’ which is how I created them as a ‘challenge to deal with’ and so when being able to establish a relationship with them, they stopped being ‘a challenge’ and instead became the normalcy of ‘good experience’ toward him for ‘having achieved the ‘good from the bad’ – all the polarity design implied at a mind-energetic level of having first defined ‘A’ as a ‘bad person’ as a negative point in my reality, and then turning that ‘negative point’ into a positive point, which later on became like a ‘trophy’ that I would want to hold on to, as in having ‘conquered’ that ‘a-hole’ and turned him into a ‘better person’ which is quite the pattern I have repeated throughout my life in terms of my relationships – in general.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to the memories of how I perceive and believe that ‘I changed people to become a better person’ not realizing that all that I did, was changing the ‘charge’ that I had judged them initially with – which in all cases remains a judgment, an assessment in the mind – and so in fact I did Not change the individual, they did it for themselves, and it’s up to each individual to then assess the starting point of their change.

I realize that in interactions and relationships, I would tend to want to always ‘change’ the person and want them to become ‘better’ within what I had defined as ‘better’ and so believing that ‘I had something to do with their change of behavior from ‘bad/negative person’ to ‘good person’ which is only the idea and belief that I have wanted to hold on to within myself to create the idea that ‘I was a positive influence in the lives of others.’

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to hold on to and believe that ‘I have been a positive influence in the lives of others’ and make myself be the ‘good person’ of the tale that ‘changes lives’ without realizing that this is merely then who I have been in terms of ego wanting to change people, want them to become a ‘better person’ but for this point of self-interest when it comes to getting ‘challenges’ or ‘difficult people to deal with’ in order to prove that ‘I can get around anything or anyone’ and believe I have this ‘ability’ or ‘skill’ to make things change, not realizing that at that point in the past, it was me also changing myself, wanting to fit into those relationships, changing my behavior to ‘be around’ those people for the ‘convenience’ I believed they represented, and so created and remained with this idea of ‘fondness’ toward others, without realizing how I had come to create such ‘specialness’ over such individual in the first place, and so understand why it was that particular person coming with the sickness in the dream.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever add credit or value to myself for having been able to ‘deal with – who I perceived – were ‘difficult people’ and getting them to ‘get along with me’ for the sake of proving that ‘I could deal with them and change them’ without realizing that I in fact cannot change anyone, I cannot directly prove that I have influenced anyone, nor do I have to prove such things as only who I am as ego would want to gauge the ‘results’ to see whether I was able to ‘change someone’ or not, and that’s obviously not the point of our relationships or interactions in terms of ‘change.’

I realize that I can only stand as an example of support, of stability, of realizations that I have come through my own process of self-change and in this, I realize that wanting to hold on to this idea of ‘having changed others’ and then creating this special bond with them due to ‘having seen them change from negative to positive’ is nothing else but a trait in the mind to remain in separation from the person themselves, and realizing that in terms of the dream, the positive feeling that i wanted to initially create toward him was not real as it always had been created in the mind as the result of the hate-to-love relationship we created, wherein now in the mind when seeing such ‘special person’ being sick, I was ‘supposed to feel bad’ but only based on ‘uploading’ all of the past and memories with him as ‘positive’ to then have a reason to ‘feel bad/sad’ about his situation based on my own reaction to my own memories.

 

Self Commitments:

So, I commit myself to remain in stability and breath at all times and not ‘give head’ to the whispers in the mind about ‘me having to become emotional’ about a situation in order to ‘show I care,’ as I realize that this is how we trap each other in special bonds and feelings, and memories, and patterns based on memories of the past, of who the person was, who we were to them and so cage each other in the same patterns again.

I commit myself to remain standing in stability no matter how I may have even the slightest doubt in terms of my stability and believe that ‘I should show some emotion’ because I realize that emotions is not who I decide to be in such moments, but instead remain physically, breathing in stability, grounded and directive, so as to also be able to be the example of how remaining in stability is the best point of support instead of giving into emotions that lead to no solution.

I commit myself to view A as any other person and let go of this ‘special relationship’ which involves the whole pattern of ‘hate-to-love’ and me apparently having influenced who I had defined as a ‘difficult person’ to change, without realizing that this is only assumptions that I made myself believe in to feel ‘good’ about it all and cherish this relationship as special.

Now in this, it doesn’t mean that I have to now completely ‘forget’ about the person or whatnot, but simply be very aware of how I ‘remember’ them, whether any reactions come up when having the thought of him in my mind as this will be supportive to then see what else comes up, and why I have held such ‘special niche’ to him in my mind, separated from everyone else – which I now see is mostly due to this from hate-to-love relationship that I gave ‘value’ to, due to the ‘challenge’ it represented in my mind.

I commit myself to let go of all the judgments I have held toward A based on his past, our relationship and who I believe him to be, and in this realize that I can only trust the physical, the actions lived and the moment that is here whenever we get to meet again

I commit myself to no longer feel the ‘need’ to ‘act out some emotions’ according to defining people as ‘special’ in my world and as such creating ‘feelings’ about them because of them being considered as ‘special’ which I realize is not at all who they really are, as who we are is one and equal and so, we stand as one and equal breathing, directive, stable – since only emotions and feelings emerge when we act based on memories.

 

I trust myself in and as physical stability at all times, as I realize that becoming emotional is of the mind and so, I commit myself to being here,  breathing and self directive at all times – no special strings attached.

 

Unplugged

 

To stop being a past-based memory robot and live here:

 

Interview on Dreams:

The Meanings in Dreams – Life Review

 

Today’s the 6th anniversary of having found Desteni and as such, of the beginning of changing my life for the best, for all.

Desteni Process – New World – 30/January/2008

 

Join us!


379. “This World is the Universe’s Asylum”

 


“Ask yourself this: Does mankind deserve redemption for everything it’s done? Is this a world which deserves to be saved? Everything you see around you, all those wars, all those acts of destruction and brutality were caused by the minds of people. We’ve destroyed this world without even batting an eyelid and you wish for us to be saved? Why?
Though well intentioned, your solutions will fail and never be heard; your voice of reason is barely a whisper in this world. How are you going to convince 7 billion people to be compassionate, loving, kind and respectful to one another and the world? You can’t and you won’t. Sorry. We condemned ourselves to this hell hole existence a long time ago. This world is the universe’s asylum. Have fun in the mad house!! Get the 9-5 job, work until your old, watch TV, eat junk food, obey the law. Trust me, this world ain’t going anywhere. It’s here to stay, sadly. You may as well partake in the madness while you’re here. What else is there to do?”
FocusReborn

 

This is a comment placed as a response to the vlog I Want the World to End and it brings up the same mentality that I would have remained in – or probably dug my own grave with – if I had not stumbled upon Desteni and taking on this Journey to Life, to finally shed the skin of apathy and misanthropy that at times emerges whenever I see or read about things that I haven’t yet fully realized are part of everything that is here, myself, no matter how hideous they may be.

 

Pollution - 2003 - Marlenlife

 

To the person that wrote the comment, thanks for writing it out as it has opened up a window of opportunity to renew my vows to myself and this process and explain the starting point of everything that we do, which  is precisely to get past such enslaved mentality of ‘nothing’s gonna change the world’ and only seek and con-form with bits of highs here and there and sit down and feel miserable about every thing that we’ve been and become, all that we’ve created as a world that we rather feel sad, ashamed of, despise or even ‘accept as is’ instead of doing something about it.  This is the kind of message that can only trap you when one believes oneself to be ‘so small, so little, so insignificant’ to create any form of change in this world, which certainly begins with ourselves, our own life.

 

It’s astounding how we discourage each other from stepping out of the (mind)frame, however I understand the individual’s starting point for sharing this and how the origin of such words are not even questioned by the author, I can read no life in it, it’s only a mind speaking for it’s own survival: the resistance to change, the hopelessness, helplessness, conformity, apathy and judgmental behavior for the sake of seeing everyone else on ‘the same boat,’ seemingly lost.  And this is not to be taken personal, as once again, it’s not the potential of life speaking for the individual, but only the ‘who we are’ as the lesser form of ‘life’ that we have become, the de-manned position.

 

The starting point of walking this process is not within the hopes of ‘changing 7 billion people,’ that would be rather disingenuous and not  considering the reality that we are in wherein yes, it will take a long time to change our current human nature, it will take the most effort from each one of us since it is as if we were all addicts of the worst kind wherein our very own lives and this planet’s stability depends on us getting unhooked from very addictive drugs which creates secondary reactions such as fear of changing, apathy, complacency, hopelessness, helplessness, positivity, negativity that I also once experienced, seeing no way out and then simply deciding to ‘jump in the boat’ of the hopeless ones, because apparently feeling miserable about the world make me at least ‘feel good’ and ‘alive’ – yes, it sounds contradictory if one does not understand how the mind operates. Once you get to understand who we are as the mind and decide to stop feeding the constant desire, want and need to FEEL anything – whether positive or negative – you start realizing how puny this little energy-whoring system that we’ve become really is.

 

Robot man - 2003 - Marlenlife

 

However it does take quite a constant and diligent decision to stop seeking the energy, the experience, the ‘thrill’ and instead breathe and direct oneself to what is physically supportive – and yes, that means that there’s no ‘highs’ or ‘bad’ experiences in doing what’s best for all, in moving oneself to become a living example of a mind-addict reformed human being, and that’s why walking this process is so unpopular in our reality – for now – because it provides no energetic payoff that one can feel ‘good about.’ Yet, all I can say is that consequences in our reality are knocking on everyone’s door and I certainly cannot recommend to anyone anything else but getting hands on keyboard or pen and start writing, start straightening up ourselves, start making sense of our own ‘mindful selves’ wherein the usual points of support sought are street or over-the-counter drugs, ad-vices from other people, escapism through alcohol, sex, developing ‘extreme habits’ only to get away from facing oneself…

 

This is the nature of our current selves drowned in a very limited pit that exists as the mind that we have delegated our every-moment of our lives to. And so, the entire ‘mess’ and ‘Universe’s asylum’ that who we are as this world have become is nothing else but a proof, a written testimony of what the majority of us are thinking and acting upon every single day, making of these thoughts our creed. And then we ponder ‘why are we so fucked up???’ while ignoring that the sheer experience one usually has when asking such question with extreme awe is already a 1+ vote to humanity’s  similar thought-patterns and experience – and once again: an experience ONLY exists in our mind.

 

Look at the trees, look at the animals, look at the air: does it show any emotion or feeling or speak about ‘giving up’ or ‘seeing no way out in this world’? Do birds get depressed and tired when the sun comes up and think of rather staying in a branch wallowing in their misery? Of course not. If anything, every single part of this existence is far more aware than a human being, and by all parts I mean animals, plants, nature, every blade of grass and that includes what we consider ‘inanimate’ too – it’s just common sense that everything that is here is an enclosed reality of which we’ve never been ‘outsiders’ from, which means that everything we see and are here is ourselves, our creation. 

 

DSC00604

 

Deciding to jump into the comfort of apathy, disdain, hatred, misanthropy or plain disgust with ourselves as humanity is nothing else but another justification, excuse and distraction to not acknowledge what it is that we are here for: to understand ourselves as creators. Yes, we have even built gods to do the ‘dirty work’ for us and have someone to blame for everything that went wrong,  just because we’ve been so scared to realize and understand that every single atrocity committed in this world is ourselves, and yes, I know, it does get your reactions going on when witnessing some horrible acts that reveal our current human decay, but that’s the whole point of it: it’s about realizing that any atrocity, any thought, word and deed against life is committed by everyone of us each time that we do not act within the consideration of what is best for all, which imply energy-less physical moments of self-direction, self-will, self-responsibility and self-honesty to act in the best interest of all.

 

These are empty words without having context as to how to live them, because they are not part of our inherent programming as to understand ‘How to be self-honest,’ ‘How to learn how to Care for yourself and another,’ ‘how to develop self-integrity,’ ‘how to become self-directive.’ In a world where the word responsibility is immediately hooked on to the usual connotations of fear and resistance, it becomes quite ‘challenge’ to remove the veils and see thing for the potential we all have to change each word into a living expression wherein, in fact,  taking self-responsibility is one of the most empowering things we can do in our reality.

 

Defeated - 07

 

Look at the ‘elites,’ those in ‘power,’ they stand as points of responsibility in our societies and because the rest of us decided to cross our arms, sit and watch TV to be entertained, they automatically got a carte blanche to do whatever they would think about that would provide the best experience, the greatest reward, the most power – isn’t this something that we All participate in as well? So why are we blaming Others for ‘doing bad things to us’ when we think and assess our reality using the exact same mental framework that ‘THEY’ do to commit the ‘BAD’ and ‘EVIL’ deeds in the world – people are nothing else but parts of ourselves we continue to deny as ourselves too, and within this we believe we don’t have any ‘say’ on this world because apparently ‘we haven’t done anything wrong’ but as long as one continues to fear outcomes instead of walking through the solution in the moment itself, we’ll continue to lengthen our process: unless we stand up for ALL life within the understanding that the part that commits all atrocities, all the madness, the neglect, the irresponsibility, the dishonesty, the nastiness is the ‘who we are’ and have become as the Mind – yet, who ‘those’ people are as flesh and bones is no different to anyone of us reading these words and that’s where each one of us has the potential to wake up from zombieland mindcontrol and start realizing how much time and space we’ve wasted in ‘feeling like a waste’ in a world that we’re turning into a wasteland with our own apathy to correct and direct things into its right place, to deliberately push ourselves to become individuals that can be trusted with life.

But again, ‘trusted with life’ seems meaningless and pointless when we haven’t even been ‘alive’ for real, we’ve only existed as automated patterns that we have called our life and within such diminished and narrow-view we then create an equally narrow view of our ‘doomed lives’ wherein we dare to write comments like the guy that wrote that – once again – without even understanding or pondering about the origin of such words and how within each one of us ‘living’ such words, we become the very problem subsumed in the ‘greater problem’ that we’ve made of our reality, due to this accepted and allowed apathetic and dreadful behavior of ‘nothing’s going to change anyways.’

 

Well, I’ve been there done that, and the reason why I made that video is precisely to address and reach out to anyone that feels the exact same way, which is quite common since everything we see around us is mostly the ultimate decay and bottom line that we’re reaching as humanity. There’s no denial of that, however this is about realizing that who we are and have become is nothing else but the worst of the worst, the lowest point that we can reach as a collective, to finally understand how we feel miserable and so create this world as misery because of such thoughts existing within ourselves in the first place. And so, the rest goes on with each word we direct to continue drowning ourselves in our self-created torment in our minds, without realizing that in doing so, we’re doing nothing else but creating excuses and justifications as to why we’re not standing up and taking responsibility for the mess that we’ve collectively created.

 

DSC00528

 

Have we been ‘bad’ as human beings? One only has to see the results of our thoughts, words and deeds and have the results speak for themselves. If we continue to bash us,judge us, blame each other and ultimately lose any sense of respect for oneself and another, we will continue living in our current world that we are all so fed up of, yet we fail to see that the answer to stop recreating the ‘shithole’ resides in our very own hands, in our words, in our actions, in the decision to live and do what gives zero energetic high, but endless self-stability and clarity that emerges with the certainty of being and doing what is right, what is best for all.

 

Fortunately, I’m walking this process to never again allow myself to be trapped in the swamps of the moody mind patterns of ‘this world is going to hell, so why bother doing anything about it?’ and actually deliberately direct myself to investigate, create and support solutions to this world, which at this stage, must come from the realization that We CAN do this if we all give ourselves that initial chance to stop the addiction to feeling miserable, sad, depressed, hopeless, helpless and instead realize that this world is about breathing and doing, not about feeling and thinking, that’s been our whole problem, so let’s stop rambling, let’s rather become part of a 1+ human physical body that decides to live, breathe and create in consideration of what’s best for all, that’s deal reached.

 

We’re not here to save others, we’re here to stand up, face and correct ourselves, and within understanding who this self is, you then won’t require to get entangled with the idea of ‘changing 7 billion people.’ So I suggest: less thinking,  more of self-awareness, developing self-integrity required to do this as a principled living, not as a result-driven thing – this is about making a decision of who one is every single moment, where I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to exist within a limited framework of my mind wherein I have seen the world from the ‘gloomy-scope,’ meaning seeing no way out, without realizing I was only seeing through this thought/emotion filter of mind which I became used to because it was much easier to ‘feel bad’ than stopping and actually doing what is supportive for oneself: to stop thinking, and feeling miserable and instead focus on the potential that exists within each one of us to ‘save oneself’ from becoming another mental patient in the asylum that each one of us reside in when existing only in the mind.

 

So, this world isn’t the asylum: our minds are our personalized one, and as long as we remain complacent to what we think, believe, feel, experience only in our imaginary worlds: the world will still look like a perverted-story of what could have been a genuine paradise. Is it too late? is there salvation? is there ‘light’ at the end of the tunnel? I don’t know, nor do I Have to KNOW as that would only once again be a creation of the asylum mentality that keeps us bound to fear, limitation and neglect most of the times. So, the solution is to act in every moment that we are here and can physically act in the best interest of ourselves and each other, which begins the moment we decide to stop participating in the collective delirium of giving up on ourselves and the world, without understanding first how it only is another trick of our minds that we can also stop and correct to not be shaken again by words, pictures, thoughts, imaginations that maintain us in our schizophrenic reality, separated from what is real here.

 

My voice and that of others walking with within this journey might seem a ‘whisper in the 7 billions in this world,’ but again, trying and change others is not our goal either, it would be cool but we understand how reality and self-change works,  so we can be the example of what it is to be able to shed the skin of limited prepackaged personalities and genuinely learn how to create ourselves, it’s the best process one can ever undertake in this world, yet be warned: there is no ‘high’ in it and that’s the challenge: this process won’t make you feel greater, stronger, smarter or being just the god in your world, and that’s the whole point: to learn how to live as physical beings instead of existing as walking mind delusions on two feet that do not even understand why we follow every single thought that comes in our mind and immediately thinking ‘its me thinking’ ‘it’s me talking’ ‘it’s me feeling…..

 

Mr. Madhouse porter – what else is there to do in this world, in our lives but to get ourselves out of the personalized asylum? Only in insanity would anyone want to remain in a miserable and limited position, so let’s start with developing a bit of care to see what it is that we would really want to live like in this world and start doing something about it.  We all are the madhouse’s porter until we dare to see that the insanity only exists in the mind, not the physical.

 

It wasn't Eve - 07

 

To broaden one’s spectrum of reality:


371. Desteni Insider: Fear, Fear, Fear

 

The easiest way to be a mind controlled individual is through accepting fear as part of ourselves, yet from the moment we step into this world, fear is what is propagated from the very moment we are taught how to survive and call it ‘becoming a happy and successful human being’ and cope within a reality that has a foundation of zero guaranteed support if you have no money, which is then the driving force of every single decision we are able to make in this world, because even our ‘life’ is actually motivated by fear of death.

 

We learn that we must always aim to always be the best, always aim to be successful and be the most beautiful, bright, charismatic, benevolent and joyful human being that loves and is loved by everyone around you, without understanding how such desire is in fact motivated by Fear of being  the entire opposite: a failure, a sad, dismal, ugly, loser that is hated by everyone if one does not comply to what parents, teachers and society tells you to be and become – and fear for your survival! because success always has a happy face.  It seems odd that in our 21st century of ‘the new era’ that began with an individual coming into this world to leave a message of Life in Equality, we didn’t change anything in the world and continued to base all our systems – economic, political, social and digital – on Fear that is created the moment you know that if you have no money, no personality, no worth or value at the eyes of everyone else: you die.

 

DSC01841

Reencarnación = Loop = Repetición Contínua (2008)

 

These are some of the aspects that we have come to accept as ‘facts’ not that they imply the are true facts: you know that if you are not the brightest person in your class you are part of the losers, you know that you must aim to be number one in everything or else you won’t be accepted in the best circles in society, you know that if you don’t look pretty enough, cheerful enough people will judge you for being awkward and sad. And yes it is mostly so, because we have accepted knowledge as who we are and in that accept the polarities of good and bad, loser and winner, fear and desire, love and hate as the living as the narrow white and black mind reality that we have defined ourselves without ever questioning why we always had to be constantly fearing to be or become everything that is seen as bad, negative, ugly, dismal – little did we know that this also had been part of the game to keep everyone locked into an eternal desire to thrive while accepting strife as part of our day to day living in this world.

 

As I’ve said, I realized that the world is in reverse therefore all that seemed good, benevolent, happy, loving was in fact just another side of the coin motivated by one of the main roots that motivates ‘our lives’ which is fear: fear of dying, fear of not being good enough, fear of being rejected, fear of not being up to other’s expectations, fear of being alone, fear of what people will think of me, fear of how others see me, fear of doing and saying the wrong things, fear of making mistakes, fear of public exposure, fear of being ‘on the spot,’ fear of taking responsibilities, fear of having to make decisions, fear of the dark, fear of dark entities, fear of being hijacked, fear of ending poor, fear of dying of hunger, fear of not ‘making it’ in this life, fear of losing my spot, fear of having others plotting against me, fear of people disliking me, fear of being liked by ‘the wrong people,’ fear of being caught if my secrets were to be out, fear of having my face be displayed in ‘public sites,’ fear of having my name being known by too many people, fear of what my family would say, fear of having some deadly disease, fear of robbers, fear of vagrants, fear of drunks, fear of the city, fear of being crazy and deluded, fear of being misunderstood, fear of god, fear of aliens, fear of germs, fear of war, fear of the unknown,  fears, fears, fears….

 

Don't speak

(2007)

I hadn’t realized how fearful I was until I begun writing myself to freedom and I realized that to begin with I had to apply self forgiveness for all the fears that came up whenever I had to write and actually publish my writings online! Oh dear god that was such a ‘ludicrous’ thing for me to even conceive what if my family reads it, what if that person in my life gets to read what I really thought, what if someone stalks me, what if they think I’m in a cult, what if they lose all respect for me, what if I lose credibility… all these what ifs came up while beginning to post my blog in its original location back in April 2008. It took me some months to finally begin writing which wasn’t something ‘new’ to me, but certainly the starting point was absolutely new because I was going to for the first time apply Self Forgiveness and mostly all I could see were: Fears. It is quite clear to me now that fears are limitations, fears are excuses to not give the necessary steps to walk beyond our comfort zone. Every single day that I wrote and published, fears would come up and every single day I had to push myself to deliberate ‘just do it’ while still hoping that no one that I know would get to see it. I feared having a YouTube Channel because I would have never ever in my life back then thought of recording my face/myself and broadcast it to thousands and thousands of people because ‘oh what would they say about my face, what would they say about my voice, what would they think about my thoughts?’ all of it fear paranoia that I decided to also break through with great nervosity but certainly understanding why I was doing it: this was a process wherein I was genuinely committing myself to stop all fears, all the limitations that were only existent in my mind as the accepted ‘I Know’s’ that I’ve described before and committing myself to prove each one of them to be nothing else but a mind delusion I had participated in throughout my life.

 

I can recall myself as a ‘very fearful person’ and one of the aspects I have certainly committed myself to stop within this process is Fear and interestingly enough, the process was an integral aspect of understanding reality, getting to know that there were no ‘invisible forces’ dictating my life or attempting to harm me in the dark,’ understanding how virtually any fear that I had projected upon others toward myself was Only my own creation, only existent in my mind and as such I could write about it, self forgive it and realize myself as being able to exist without fear, which then became a day to day process of bit by bit letting go of the fears.

 

DSC00633

(2008)

It is quite normal that once we are stripped from the comfort of all the apparently ‘good’ and ‘positive’ what is left is all the negative, the bad, the ugly truth of who we are and have become, and the Desteni Process is certainly where we get to face that ugly truth that we have all tried and attempted to cover up, disguise and suppress with nice masks of ‘everything is fine,’ and ‘everything is rosy and shiny’ and ‘I am alright, I am happy, I am satisfied’ and never ever daring to see the actual reality hiding behind such nice and positive fluff. That is where I learned from Jack’s article The Courage of Self Honesty wherein I begun to understand that walking this process takes guts and that fear was the weak link I had to constantly work with to push through the boundaries. Every single point that I was able to ‘overcome’ within understanding how I had created the fear and how I kept feeding it by ‘making it real’ made me become more stable within the realization that even opening up points about myself implied an effort to ‘open them up’ to the point where the expressions that I used to this process became elusive to doing that which would seem terrifying to do at first glance: opening the can of worms and digging out the rotten corpses – both squeamish and stinky, haunting ghosts that were literally petrifying myself and holding me back from writing and going deeper into the actual ‘nitty-gritty’ of myself, my thoughts, my experiences, and that’s where I saw what kind of a web we have spawn through our very own creation of personalities and characters that I became aware of were nothing else but sheer mind distraction to keep me enslaved to thinking, fearing, desiring, wanting, needing and repeating the whole cycle over and over and over again, not to mention how the self definition of being a fearful person became a self definition of submission, self belittlement, self judgment, seeking for acceptance, seeing myself as not pretty enough, having some odd body that no one would like, having odd personality, fearing that people would notice how I was not comfortable in my own skin, fear of being made fun of, fear of being ‘the joke’ to laugh at – inferiority, disbelief in my abilities and capabilities, fearing growing up, fearing being betrayed, fearing losing friends and relationships, fear of never being the expectation that I thought everyone had upon me… all these aspects became the points I opened up throughout day to day writing and pushing myself to the point of change in an immediate desire to be just self realize and believing that having no ‘chatter’ in my mind meant ‘being done with process,’ lol – little did I know I was barely beginning it and still today after 5 years it is only the first phase, the first baby steps of the rest of our lives.

 

Within fears and fearing to look at the truth of myself, I created more fear and petrification and it became an obstacle initially within my process. I received a specific interview with support and feedback on myself at that time which supported me tremendously to first of all accept the fact that FEAR is what I existed as, I was too ‘okay’ within the belief that ‘I am fine and nothing is wrong with me’ without realizing that this too was obviously a way to conceal the actual truth: I feared opening myself up, I feared publishing myself, I feared that what I said would be used against me, I feared that someone would be disappointed at me – yet, step by step, day by day I continued opening up the points to get to see more and more about myself, the reality of the aspects I had thought I had ‘hidden’ very well. But through all the supportive videos and vlogs of other people sharing how they had begun applying the Desteni tools themselves, I got to realize that I had to do the same in order to break through that essential layer of brainwashing that I had embodied throughout my life.

 

 

 

Writing Self Forgiveness on every single fear that would come up in the moment of writing within opening up any aspect within my daily writing supported me to realize how every point of complication, problem and discomfort experience within was able to be transformed into a point of expression of what I can instead direct myself to live, be and become – through words this means placing very directive statements within common sense of what I realize and how I will direct myself from this moment of understanding on.

Throughout the years the process has implied continuously breaking through and walking through fears of virtually about anything that I believed myself to be, challenging it to the core and gaining the ability to instead of fearing and seeing problems, establish solutions. This is not an easy task since it is a continuous feedback process that doesn’t only exist at an individual level. The chats held every single week of the year within the Desteni group for those that are genuinely interested in their own process of Self Responsibility in Self Realization supported me to gain several perspectives from what others were also experiencing and allowed me to understand that we truly all function at the same level of fears that tamper our ability to exist as self directive and common sensical individuals.

Within Desteni, real life investigation is necessary and that is through walking our day to day living as well as within the information available like documentaries and books – we have been able to correlate and verify the mechanisms explained within the Desteni Material to be an essential part of the agenda that exists as the main form of Mind Control to have individuals be directed by emotions and feelings rather than facts and common sensical assessments. This is but a fraction of the understanding that I’ve gained throughout the 5 years I’ve walked with the Desteni group, continuing to see and research on daily basis on all the scientific advancements and technological endeavors that attempt to create solutions to this world – but, as long as the mind within who we are as human beings is not understood, it should be obvious that it will be very difficult to be able to create solutions unless we first go through this individual process of self-support at an individual level to understand fear as the control mechanism with which we prevent ourselves from walking as integral beings that have a clear understanding of what is required to be done into this world if we so in fact want to live in a world that we can all be proud of.

The application of stopping fears doesn’t imply ‘never again fearing anything’ – there are practical fears wherein if you know you’re about to crash the car that’s in front of you if you don’t slow down, is rather a warning system to slow down and take proper measures to drive safely. The fear of ending without any money should not be a constant worry and concern but rather a practical understanding that if you have no money in this world, you have no access to what you require to live and that is then a call to direct oneself to get an effective means to make a decent income to live – furthermore such fear should be the driving force for each one of us to rather create a system that ensures and secures the well being of every individual so that we never again have to go through life fearing to be killed, robbed or high-jacked for someone else to make money that should be – by virtue of human rights – available to everyone equally.

 

 

DSC00634

(2008)

I’ve become an individual that doesn’t allow fear to be the directive principle of my actions, feelings or emotions, there are obviously aspects yet to be faced and walked but it becomes fairly easy to spot the fears when one gets any form of mind feedback as thoughts, emotions or feelings in the moment as an attempt to go back into inFEARiority, limitation and any other experience that we had become so used to exist in. Now I can assess the situation and realize that it is up to me to give into the fear within the mechanism of control it exists as OR decide to walk in common sense which means deciding to live, act and speak according to what is best for all. This doesn’t end there, since all aspects of self interest and apparent stability must be cross referenced to ensure this is yet not another ‘fearless personality’ but genuinely assessing consequences of my actions and inactions and the responsibility entailed, as well as the effects that can harm or abuse others.

I’ve come to understand how loving someone is in fact created out of fear of losing that something or someone and that the fear that is propagated in our society as all things ‘positive’ is in fact the best way to keep us all chained to our misery and self-limitation. Becoming an emotional-fearless being is an every day application wherein every moment that we see ourselves being held back by a single thought or emotional experience, we must investigate what is it that we are fearing to begin with in order to get the root and cause of the experience, this is by far a very simple and practical application that anyone can use to see then how to give ourselves direction instead of giving in to fears and limitations.

Walking the process of Self Honesty to become a living being that is always here as breath is where I am at now in this process has enabled me to understand the human mind and within this also have the ability to support others the same way I have been supported to face myself. This is why the process cannot be walked alone, another’s feedback is always necessary to ensure one is not creating yet another mind-dimension of being ‘fearless’ and ‘stable’ without genuinely living as such in our every day living.  That we could all use to genuinely create a world that we all want to live in, a fearless world – yet this is not possible if we don’t walk this process individually to take responsibility for the limitations we’ve existed in.

 

More to come…

 

 


278. Judging what’s Best because not Everyone Can Have it

What’s in it for me within judging it?

 

Continuing from: 277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

 

When we speak about standing up for Equality, it is not only a common sensical decision and self agreement to affiliate ourselves with a viable solution to change the course of the future of humanity, this process of realizing what it means to stand up for equality imply a profound self-investigation to understand the patterns that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to live-out that lead us to the current state of extreme inequality that we are living in in this world. We often forget or don’t consider that such inequality is not only a ‘flawed system’s result,’ but it is actually the consequential outflow of having become and embody personalities and characters that oppose each other, becoming seemingly incapable of getting to an agreement.

The fact is that within this, we will all have to work together and no matter what kind of slightest ‘out of character’ self experience exists when we are standing up for what’s best for all, it must be walked through and dissected through a process of self investigation through writing, applying Self-Forgiveness  in Self Honesty , because we understand that any discrepancy that is experienced with regards to the facts that contribute to a life for all, implies that one is playing out/ living out a certain pattern that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist-as, what’s best for all.

 

The usual disagreements created when proposing a new living system can only exist when there are personalities as the ego coming up. This has existed within me as a judgmental experience when having to ‘sell’ what’s best for all, which is also another way that I have used to create a point of uniqueness/specialness when standing ‘outside of the majority’ and as such, when having to ‘play the game’ of the majority, this personality is threatened, because I have to play everyone’s game now, judging the majority at all times and the majority’s ways in which this world has only been motivated through positive reward – a.k.a. money. But, this is what we have limited ourselves to define as ‘rewards’ currently, because that’s all we’ve learned to place value upon.

 

Therefore I understand that one has to walk-with/at the pace of the majority in order to step by step get to a point to understand the real-rewards existent as an inherent outflow of establishing a that I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become. Everything that has gone before me are the direct influences of my existence in such a way: the family lineage, the ancestors and all of those who have gone before me of which I represent this current ‘version’ of a human being that sees common sense, understands world-wide organization that will be based in the physical-tangible and mathematical outcomes that can be established when stopping working on fallacy-values like our current financial system, and start working together to rehabilitate the relationship with ourselves, our own mind that is the one aspect of ourselves that we have blindly followed through with without assessing what are the actual consequential outflows from living ‘as the mind’ only, because we have never known anything else other than ‘who we are as the mind.’

 

Thus, I realize that we have to take small steps at a time when understanding the current world problem that we’re facing, wherein we all known how ‘flawed’ it is, but within understanding the origin of such flaw within ourselves, there is no longer someone left to blame other than each one of us looking within ourselves to see where and how we have in any way prevented ourselves from establishing What’s Best for All, and sometimes, bizarre stuff can come up with this.

When reviewing the point of ‘finding it hard to accept rewards’ it is something that at a conscious level people would define as ‘benevolent’ like ‘She cares so much that she cannot fathom being rewarded in any greedy way’ or at least I can see this within myself it exists as a projected judgment that I could expect to obtain as a result of my perceived ‘benevolent self’ – However, at Desteni we’re educating ourselves about how the mind works and as such, we cannot draw quick conclusions about it and keep the positive aspect of it intact. This is one single aspect of this construct, and a masquerade that it’s relatively easy to find when we understand how any point of benevolence actually stems from the negative at all times.

 

So, when finding out some of the actual origin points of this, I realized that I can only resist something if I fear letting go another, and because fearing is just an excuse to hold a certain idea of myself in this case, I can only conclude that such thing I am holding onto must be perceived as ‘positive’ within my mind, and as such when facing the threat of actually no longer having to ‘play out’ such personality, in my mind I see such personality/ego point threatened.

 

Now, in my case the ‘positive’ point was not within the realms of ‘wanting more/ seeking for more’ but instead quite the opposite and being rewarded by it. This can be read in the blog:

208. Doing Good as Positive Credit-Rewards

And this is part of an entire series of blogs wherein I described the positive experience linked to ‘doing good’ specifically when it comes to ‘changing the world,’ but in my way, which meant doing good ‘for others’ and for the ‘greatness’ of it and as such, miss out the entire point of doing it for myself first and ensure that my starting point is of actual self-equality realization not just ‘doing good.’ – in other words this means placing myself within such beneficial outflow.

 

There’s a character within this wherein I consider I am comfortable with speaking all about all the points that I have essentially judged within others and myself as bad/negative such as humanity’s inherent greed, corruption, abuse, all forms of problems and more ‘uncomfortable truths,’ and as such linked my ‘positive experience’ to this type activities of what I can call a humbleness and belittling wherein I believed that I can ‘live with the least’ and ‘refuse luxuries’ and ‘spend very little money’ and creating a positive experience out of it, to make it seem as if this is a cool thing to do, which lead me to obviously judge everyone around me that certainly have money and spend it in all forms of things that ‘make them happy’ and that I judged as vain/ hypocritical/ bad and all that negative type of connotations around that which points out greed as an abuse.  However, I have also realized how I would really not want to live with limitations due to money, it is simply not living but surviving.

 

I realize that I have in fact judged happiness, joy, enjoyment and all the positive things in this world through this Eye of the mind within our current world system, wherein Yes, the pursuit of happiness have lead us to this current unsustainable/out of proportion and touch with physical reality system. However as anything: it is not that ‘happiness’ is something ‘bad’ in itself, it is simply the Ways and Means that we have used to create it that are the problem.

 

Hereby it is to understand that I am only refusing the current idea/perception of what Rewards are according to what I have described in the previous blog as capitalist-consumerist tricks that are just pushing for further consumption/ profit and greed. However the Rewards we are talking about within the Equal Money Capitalism are actually outflows of having a system working in a mint condition, thus this would not imply that such rewards will be created to make people ‘want more’ or as a form of ‘retribution’ but instead a single outflow and outcome of giving and receiving in Equality, which is and should not be regarded as something positive or negative, but just considered within physical laws that exist without the ‘power charge’ of who we are as the mind that tends to polarize everything within a black and white scope, a positive and negative because this is what generates the opportunities to create inner conflict and as such, benefit the mind with resourcing such energy for the existence of the mind.

 

I realize that who I am as the mind has contributed to keep the definitions well in place when it comes to what’s positive and negative and as such build myself around these self-definitions, which is again only existent as knowledge and information that we eventually embody for whatever reason we can find in our minds to do that.

 

Thus, the form of self definition that I’ve grown up with in order to create a form of righteousness is like ‘I am better than others because I do see common sense/ I am not greedy/ I refuse luxuries’ – however it is truly only a self-belief and actual righteousness of the mind, because I have certainly not refused all luxuries, I cannot claim I have never been greedy in my life and I certainly wasn’t fully accepting the common sense of the rewards that we can implement to actually better the lives of all living beings in this world.

 

This righteousness is mind defined as a particular character wherein I believe myself to be ‘right’ and ‘better’ because I create some empathy with that which is Real as the actual reality/people/circumstances where real suffering exist, wherein I am almost ‘proud’ of myself of living in constant worry and concern about the world/ ecosystem/pollution which has obviously only served as a crutch for me to again feel that I am ‘more real/ on the real side of reality’ without realizing how within this ‘affiliation’ to the ‘reality’ of this world I have only remained within the aspect of pointing out the problem, wanting others to react with the same worry/ concern suffering as myself in order to instigate change, which can support to open up our eyes, yes, but it certainly cannot remain as one single aspect that I hold on to and refuse to look at the ‘brighter side’ within this. It is in fact me defining the negative as the light-less and the positive and good as the ‘light’ that is causing this current conflict, which now I see begins within myself.

 

Another aspect is how within only ‘pointing out the problem’ we remain within the same constrains of ourselves as the mind and the system in general and that’s it, that’s how the real challenge is proposing solutions and the rewards that are not an ‘extra’ thing but a simple outflow of beginning to do what’s best for all. It can only be a mind possession to refuse or create any form of dissonance toward creating real solutions in this world, lol, a real mental-problem for sure that I have existed as without being able to See it, because to me this was ‘right’ and the ‘correct way’ to exist.

 

Why? because within this, it is the ‘compassionate/righteous’ character I’ve become that would lose this point of specialty as the ‘considerate one’ toward those that suffer that would have to cease to exist when there is no one else to feel compassionate for in a world wherein everyone is equally supported. Here we can also spot how charity-makers become addicted to ‘giving charity’ as a self-definition wherein if no one else requires ‘charity’ because everyone gets equal access to what they require to live = we stop requiring ‘charity givers’ that have usually created a positive experience within themselves through ‘giving to the needy ones’ which requires the existence of ‘needy ones’ to exist in the first place = absolute cycle of abuse sugar coated as benevolence.

 

So obviously, I could only create a resistance at a mind-level toward that which is best for all in the physical, as the physical conditions and rewards that we can give to each other , an actual possession I’d say, because it is certainly not common sensical to create a resistance or rejection toward that which will better living beings’ lives – thus, it is only the ‘who I am’ as the idea/belief of who I have accepted and allowed myself to be can create such negative experiences toward rewards.

 

This is the actual cool self-exploration to finally open up a point and investigate it in its totality, because this was certainly only existent like this ‘experience’ within me that I described as a ‘lock’ and resistance which can only exist if our self-definition is threatened in one way or another.

 

This is probably something that happens to many people, which is becoming hooked on misery/ negativity/ pessimism as self definition, wherein we don’t dare to actually see how life can in fact be if everyone is equally supported because of various factors that I will continue sharing within these blogs. These include patterns of humbleness as an experience of sacrifice in the mind, martyrdom, belittling, punishment, guilt, unworthiness and so forth. I see that this underlying experience is what is preventing me from truly embodying what’s best for all, because in this self-diminishment and affiliation toward the problem, one ‘cannot see the solutions’ just because that would imply stopping the personality that thrives in that constant self destruction/ impossibilities/ negativity that is not even existent at a thought level that could be spotted as ‘negative,’ but as an experience that becomes like a ‘lock’ for us to actually not see and realize that we can In Fact be and become what’s best for all within ourselves, accepting our Living-Equality within is the first aspect. And that is a process.

To be continued…

 

 

too much thinking

Blogs:

Mind Value System = Money Value System: DAY 275

Interviews:


271. Sacred Art: the Key to Understanding Reality

 

When I studied visual arts, one goes through the art history and sees how Art had gotten to a point of ‘divine activity’ at the time when the church essentially became this powerful entity within society that could afford to pay for all the works that all our ‘great artists’ have created and as such artists became equally important along with the meaning/ purpose of such creations, which in this case as we can all see and witness, had to do with sacred art: venerating gods that never existed but in the minds of the human beings that realized they could make profit out of such belief systems.

 

“Interestingly enough, where these ‘Love and Lighters’ should have Transcended this Message and Brought-about Practical Changes in the Physical Reality – they Create an Alternate Reality, and start to Claim and Impose that the Alternate Reality is the ‘Real Reality’, and that the Real Reality is the Illusion. And then End-up Escaping from this Constant-Message, making ‘The Best of What is Here’ and bringing about No Change in spite of Astounding Evidence to the Effect that the Physical World is Real like for instance, Pain, Starvation, Sex, Food, Waste – you name it, there’s So Many Examples that Each One is Subject to that Proves that the Physical is Real and that the Mind Illusion through which One Escape from this Reality, is Not.” – Bernard Poolman*

 

I went to some museums yesterday with a family member that had no access to such ‘exuberant expressions’ of the baroque colonial art that exists in the city I was born in, even though he lives in the same country. To me, these expressions were the ‘default’ type of stuff to look at in the streets where you can this type of architecture everywhere downtown, along with these exuberant churches everywhere completely filled with gold inside and the most majestic type of constructions and sacred art that is revered by all people coming from all over the world to witness what type of ‘greatness’ and ‘beauty’ this is supposed to mean/be.

 

As I was going through these collections of ‘sacred art,’ I realized to what extent this was all a proof of how we have never praised an actual godliness as an actual consideration of LIFE in Equality, but only have revered and deified the sense of value/worth that we have adjudicated to things that are part of this Earth just as anything else – like gold and gods or gold as god- we have all of these objects with gold and we’re all supposed to be impressed by that just because ‘It’s made of gold. I mean, look back within your life-experience when was it that you learned to treat gold as if it was this ‘precious thing’? And as such from that moment on, we learned that having gold in ourselves as jewelry, artifacts, coins or as part of your ‘wealth’ was something that gave you a ‘moreness’ within your personal wealth/money and ‘ownership right’ that gives you a certain status in society – or you maybe were not aware of this all and had no sense of wealth because gold was never around and only found out about it later on in the money-system.

 

Now, link this gold with representations of Jesus/ Saints/ Crosses and all things that have been prostituted to be sold as part of ‘sacred art’ and what do you get? The most ‘exquisite’ and ‘valuable’ items in the art world – why? Have a look at  your great museums, it is only from a century and a half ago that art stopped being linked to a religious association to become more of a supposed ‘self expression,’ and even that has currently once again been diminished to the ‘market forces’ – our other god which is Money -that are also currently determining what type of Art we can consider as ‘masterpieces’ which is usually a meaning of what’s worth buying/selling and what’s not.

 

Well, as I watched these bleeding Jesus’ representations wearing crowns of gold I could not help but laugh at the blatant abuse and stupidity that we have come to cage in these glass containers as ‘sacred objects’ and museum-type of items to admire. Sure, it’s got a whole lot of work in it, but let’s face it: they got to such museum-relic type of status because of:

1. The value we have all agreed to give to gold as this supreme metal godly power = money

2. The representation of Jesus on the Cross/ Jesus Bleeding/ Self-Flagellating Monks and Saints/ Crying Virgins in repent-mode as something ‘sacred’ and ‘godly’ while elevating such ‘sinning’ expressions to something ‘cool’ to have around your “living room” in the 18th century.

 

What a nice way to elevate god/religion to this ‘godly status’ by linking gold/silver to sacred objects, isn’t it?

Now, we can apply the same two points above to virtually everything that we are currently buying/selling in our world. There is always the ‘meaning’ that we give to things – which deals with how we have defined things in our reality, how we value them, how we define ourselves according to that which we buy/ consume/ own and then there’s the ‘market value’ which is the price/money that one has to give in order to buy such thing and trivializing it all according to belief systems, to perceptions and ideals of what we ‘think’ and have become so used to valuing as ‘superior’ or ‘more’ than ourselves, such as the idea of a god in this case and some expression that is shaped/molded to suit the needs of some people to have these objects to satisfy a particular reality-construct of ‘superiority,’ such as what god/religion has become. And in the city where I lived in all my life, that is the ‘platform’ upon which you walk in every moment in the old-side of the city– it is the ‘city of angels’ and just by looking at the art created from the 18th century up to the past century, you can get quite a clear perspective of what has Shaped and Molded the people here, which is a religion wherein the imposition of symbols that denote suffering, that one has created a relationship of ‘guilt’ toward and ‘remorse’ have been ‘spiffed up’ to be made by slaves that dealt with ways to shape gold, silver, ivory, ‘precious metals’ and woods and stones to elevate Christianity/Catholicism to a capitalist-golden status upon this world-system.

 

So, in looking at this type of ‘sacred art’ one can see a very interesting configuration of what we have come to value: a bleeding ivory representation of some human carrying an ebony cross with incrustations of jade, ‘beautifully’ shaped  – all these paintings of saints with suffering faces, all these representations of Jesus wearing golden robes and gold-crowns ‘in heaven’ I mean, really? Do You think that Jesus had anything to do with implementing this narcissistic self-marketing image of himself with such vain attributions to a single metal like ‘gold’ signifying the ‘godly’ in him? No, in the first place he didn’t ever even want to be summoned as some type of higher force on Earth, everyone got it wrong, and all of this museum-type of artworks are the result of slaves that are only recognized as ‘anonymous’ in the creation of such ‘sacred works for the lord,’ a lord that only exists in the well-kept treasury of what has become one of the most wealthiest states on earth as the Vatican. Really, I have become so used to seeing people that can have an empty stomach and shoe-less entering these opulent baroque filled with gold rock constructions to pray for them to have some money to eat… what’s wrong with this picture!? And this is seen as ‘Devotion’?  Come on, give me a freaking break.

 

Expression of any form/kind must be an actual representation of who we are as living beings, which implies that no more gods/deities will be shaped with matters of the Earth that we are abusing to create this ‘pile of shit’ as our current world of ‘marvels’ while kids starve. Instead we will always use what is here in order to enjoy ourselves within the process of creating something that we can appreciate as an extension/expression of someone’s moment/time in their lives, and I mean, if there is something I appreciate in my reality is exchanging works of art for no money but the sheer appreciation we have for each other’s works – that’s what actually should matter: making of expression an available activity for all beings equally as we are all human beings, we can all develop skills that can be shared with others, just the same way that we share our words here or in videos or communicating with each other – we do not ‘sell’ our coffee-shop talks wherein we share with one another ourselves, so why have we created this world in a way wherein we have elevated what is of this Earth to a godly/golden status for profit? That’s because of Self-Interest and the belief that we could be gods/more than others through our money and ownership power –

 

All of this will all be regulated and implemented in the Equal Money Capitalism in order to Finally place a nice Stop to all of our godly delusions and instead, learn how to Live/Coexist and really Thrive within the realization that there is no such thing as god, there is no such thing as ‘higher powers’ endowed to a metal like gold or any other holy-belief endowed to human expression, it is ourselves, our work, our creativity that which should be regarded as honorable and the real capital in this reality, just as Joseph Beuys said: “Art = Capital, Creativity = Capital”  and Capital = Life as we say – full circle.

 

Further Support:

 

There are more threads to this type of ‘sacred art’ and I’ll continue talking about that

Vlog:

Blogs:

 

To understand to what level we have prostituted Jesus and his message:


268. Escaping from the Inner-Hell

 

The pattern unfolds the following way: one faces a point wherein Self Responsibility was neglected, wherein we didn’t measure the consequences of our thoughts, words and deeds and as such ‘all hell breaks lose’ within ourselves, because then we are faced with consequence, and we realize there is No way out from it this timeright?

And in this second guessing of having to inevitably face the point which implies realizing the neglected responsibility and walk a process of writing, self forgiveness and self corrective application, one decides that there is a ‘better way’/ alternative way to ‘cope’ with it – and that’s where some action and process to evade the consequence emerge: anything that can become a point to occupy our mind with, anything that can give us a sense of satisfaction, a feel good experience, a momentary resort, a reward after having to face such consequences – one seeks to immediately want to ‘get lost’ from it all for a moment, to just drop it all, leave everything and disappear.

 

Yes this is a mind pattern that leads to addiction – why? because the momentary high to evade responsibility becomes such that we would rather just remain in that ‘comfortable numbness’ wherein one is literally doing nothing other than finding various ways to avoid having to face the consequences, walk the correction and ‘face the music’ as they say. Once one is down to Earth from such temporary high, one seek for something else… and so it becomes quite a straining pattern because the more we resist to face the consequence, the more the guilt, remorse, shame, regret, fears, judgments, backchats accumulate, until we feed the entity so much that it becomes quite unbearable to handle, it is ‘alive’ in itself, because we have essentially fed it through our own participation in thoughts, emotions, feelings, actions/ inactions to not face the point. This is when we believe that it is simply ‘too late,’ we are doomed and essentially give up whatever we were doing, which is quite a pattern that we all go into: we hide in our caves instead of actually facing it, creating solutions and sorting out the point.

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

If one is not self honest, this pattern turns into self-victimization and you end up blaming the world, parents, teachers, government, society, ‘the world’ and ‘how fucked everything is’ for our experience – but, what we haven’t realized is that it’s not about anyone or anything else but ourselves, really. We have seen how the environment and the lack of equal support Does contribute to addictive behaviors – however in the end, the ultimate say comes from ourselves: we are the ones that decide to either stand up or remain in such self-destructive behavior, which is essentially destroying ourselves due to fearing facing our own irresponsibility and negligence and actually place the cards on the table to see how we caused the problem and as such, how to walk the solution.

 

Within victimization, blame, regret, pity and a deliberate desire to ‘let go of the bad/ negative/ evil/ malevolent’ that we have fed within ourselves due to having neglected ourselves/ our reality,  we turn to love and become masters of light, consciousness and a so-called spirituality, we try and cover up our actual inner-demons to hide the actual reality that we realize exists within ourselves, but didn’t dare to face, and as such, hide in the opposite side behind positive thinking, love, spirituality, blessings and a general imagination that leads to this comforting fluffy paradise after death, wherein one rejoices in these custom-made heavens in order to ‘soften the blow’ of having to remain and keep living on this Earth, which is apparently and seemingly easier than actually being willing to see the truth of ourselves, and take responsibility for it, which certainly won’t be nice and pretty – however, it must be done no matter what.

The other option is completely going to absolute self-doom and gloom where we see no way out other than self-destructing, and that’s where drugs, alcohol and various other forms of self harm emerge – we can also have a mix of being a nice positive thinker and be addicted to some drug to enhance the experience, a positive mr. self destruct with new age backchat of ‘everything will be just fine’ while lighting up the next joint. You get the picture.

 

In all of this, we are only feeding more energy to that which we avoid looking at/ facing as ourselves. This ‘escapism’ becomes quite a difficult thing to do for a long time when one has already made the firm decision  to not fool oneself any longer and take responsibility for anything we face. This also implies that the nagging thought of Knowing that we are evading ourselves is simply unbearable, because we Know we cannot deceive ourselves. We complain about the world being one big Lie yet we still deceive ourselves by giving breath and time to that which we already Know is not supportive. That is not congruent and when one has decided to become an actual living being, there is no way other than facing the points, walking the solutions – the agony can only be prolonged for as long as one is willing to agonize through the constant thinking, waiting, hoping, tormenting ourselves and talking back and forth about ‘everything that is wrong’ and create our own storm in a glass of water. A general suggestion is to realize that waiting and hoping for something to clear our consequence is futile, hiding from it is futile, prolonging the confrontation only prolongs the unnecessary suffering – so, why not facing it right away?

 

Fear Dimension:

I will have to face the ugly truth of myself

 

Thought Dimension:

Just vanishing, everything disappearing, me being doing nothing at all

 

Backchat/ Internal Conversations:

- I rather just give up, there is no point in solving that

- It’s done and I fucked up

- I knew this would lead nowhere

- I just want to make it all stop

 

Imagination:

Negative imagination: having to spend a long time solving the problem/ situation

Positive imagination: numbing myself out any form of drug/ stimulant/ activity/ inactivity

 

Reactions:

-Dread, dullness, apathy, wanting to give up

 

Physical Dimension:

- Yawning, wanting to sleep, slouching, heavy eyes, tiredness

- Doing something compulsively like pulling out  my hair or cleaning something, going out to ‘get something’ that I don’t precisely need

 

Consequences:

- Wasting time, having to catch up while I regain my stability, missing out great opportunities of self-change due to giving into the energetic experience of ‘I’m doomed/I’m fucked/ I lost’

 

 

Next post we’ll walk these dimensions with Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments.

Further support:

DSC00352 (1)

Blogs:

 

Face Thy Demons – Great Support here:

2013 – The Future of Consciousness – When Thoughts intend Harm to another (Part 1) – Part 3
2013 – The Future of Consciousness – When Thoughts intend Harm to another (Part 2) – Part 4

 

And to understand how we ‘fall’ in our own doom from the greatest innate self-experiences lived as children:

Why your Weakest Points are your Greatest strength – Life Review

266. The Secret behind Addictions

When a problem is not addressed at its root cause, for the human it is the mind for instance in how it functions thought by thought, solutions for human society will not be possible” – Bernard Poolman

 

I watched the discussion/ talk called Brain Development & Addiction with Gabor Mate in order to understand addiction at a chemical level. We are aware the we always seek to ‘feel good’ and this is one aspect that is currently understood in relation to this constant feel-good experiences that are generated by chemical compounds such as opiates and dopamine that are part of the brain circuits wherein impulse control and stress control are also a part of. These basic categorization is what leads us to address the infamous ‘chemical imbalances’ wherein only through these chemical compounds obtained through an induced manner – either through drugs or energetic associations to people/ places/ environments – one is able to experience as sense of fulfillment and enjoyment.

Opiates, according to Dr. Gabor Mate create the experiences of love, connection, reward, pain relief.  Dopamine creates the experience of incentive, motivation, vitality, curiosity and as sense of ‘being alive.’  Thus it is definitely so that these are energetic-experience requirements that are beyond being only brain-sent requirements, there is a much deeper explanation to all of this and it is through understanding how the Quantum Mind operates that we are able to finally understand why we are never in fact ‘stable’ even if we have all the support of the world to live in dignity, because we find rich people also being hooked on drugs and alcohol or any other type of activity that creates a temporary rush. Sure, people living in poverty also use drugs to mitigate hunger and evade a reality that is not ensuring that they get equal support just as anyone else that was born in a family of wealth and social benefits, however we have realized that it is not only money the point that defines the well being of the individual, but also the care and basic forms of parenting that must be understood in order to see from where does this inherent desire to seek for ‘more’ come from.

 

The understanding of how these experiences are created go beyond any current understanding promoted by contemporary science and the reason why is because the mind is not a physical system, but an interdimensional system that is out of sigh for us human beings. This implies the following point: We have become in essence subject to our own mind to use it as a tool to ‘get to know ourselves,’ which is limited to the possibility of only see the consequential outflow as chemicals such as opiates, dopamine, endorphins and any other chemical that are the result of processes that take place beyond any spectrum and understanding of our conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind, but exist within the domain of the Quantum Mind and Quantum Physical.

 

The mind’s relationship to the physical body is not yet a basic understanding that should exist as the foundation of any psychological problematic that we are only attributing to chemical imbalances and treat with drugs that do Not solve the problem, but involve the consumption of chemicals that will artificially sustain this well-being experience through drugs/ medication toward which the ‘patient’ eventually becomes addicted to. And not only the people that take drugs in legal/ illegal manners are drug addicts: we are all essentially on the same boat. We just get our fix through thinking, becoming emotional, thinking positive and all the best feelings in the world, through activities that we have attached to an experience of vitality, liveliness, feeling good, being on ‘top of the world,’ which includes virtually anything that we use to get ourselves to a constant High in the mind – yes, the mind – but, where’s the Physical then?

 

That is precisely the point to walk here: how through the definition of our well being according to who we are as the mind as these temporary fixes of ‘love, connection, happiness, reward, motivation, vitality’ turned to an energetic fix of ‘being alive’ we have neglected in fact how such self-induced experiences operate at a quantum mind level which means, beyond any form of current mind-awareness that we could gather from self-investigation with our own pair of eyes. Yes, we are talking about interdimensional support and assistance through the Portal at Desteni through which the most advanced mind-technology investigation is being presented in all the current series that are finally allowing us to understand our entire relationship of who we are as the mind toward our physical reality. Quantum Mind Self Awareness Series as well as Quantum Systemization are key points of study for anyone that is willing to go beyond ‘chemical imbalances’ to understand the constant necessary feel-good experiences at a mind level, while neglecting how the mind uses/ consumes the physical body/ flesh/ tissue in order to generate such ‘feel good’ experiences, because the quantum mind as a system of energy will use any form of thought process to associate to an either positive or negative experience to cause friction and conflict which is what generates enough ripple effects that the mind is able to generate within the physical tissue/ flesh of the physical human body in order to ‘power up’ these thoughts, feelings and emotions that we believe is ‘who we are’ and we end up building our entire lives and make decisions according to these basic energetic experiences that we blindly follow as ‘who we are.’

To read more about this, I suggest reading the past entries that explain from various angles this basic mechanism of how the mind operates within the physical body and why following a ‘feel good’ mentality is causing us the current depletion and neglect of the physical world in the name of our personal stability At a Mind-Level.

 

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

An actual Sound and Stable Solution that we are able to propitiate/ give to ourselves by the mere fact of being a living-breathing being, is through equal and one self support in a global social, economical and political system that ensures we all get equal support to live in the best conditions possible and sustainable in this world. For that, the entire system must be changed, because our system is the result of having sought for these never-quenching experiences of ‘having more’ / being happy/ obtaining power through money that has become our own demise as we realize it is unsustainable to continue giving all our ‘power’ to sustain a system of abuse – and this same system is the one that runs in an exact and equal manner within ourselves as the constant strive for ‘feeling good’ that we create at a mind level, then seeking to satisfy ourselves in any way we can, even if that implies abusing ourselves, which is how it has worked thus far.

 

Thus, the experiences that we can all define would be best for all as these ‘brain circuits’ that Dr. Gabor Mate describes can be and become a living-physical expression if we decide to implement a system that can ensure that all kids are born in families where every individual will be qualified to give birth to another life/ child, ensuring everyone has equal support through money that ensures health care, proper nutrition and infrastructure – shelter, food, sanitation, water, clothing – as well as parental education is in place to create a suitable environment for children to be born into this world – and I quote Economist’s Journey to Life here: Equal Money Capitalism – Preparing the Road for Change:

“CHILDREN

When a child is born, the parents’ company/companies will allocate an equal profit share for the child – which will be added to the parent’s profit share. Every parent will have a company – because everyone will be employed.”
http://economistjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-164-equal-money-capitalism.html

 

“The government only represent the same controls we allow within the mind and is thus an externalization of the inner world of the people. That is why Government acts in ways that are seemingly strange, yet it is what the people actually want to remain in the inner world of self deception and self interest. This will be a most difficult journey to change our world to what is best for all–which must include Government as some level of universal management is required to have some freedom for all. The problem is not addressed at the mind level where it exist as each one attempts to protect their mind, thoughts and feelings as if it is sacred, without understanding how it is created” – Bernard Poolman 

 

This single basic certainty of self support ensures that parents have No worries, No stress to give birth to a child, this ensures that people will be able to spend quality time with their babies in a world wherein everyone will be equally stable and confident, since everyone will have all that is required to live. This creates a sense of well being within the progenitors that will define the stability and condition of the new baby in order to grow in a sound and self-supportive environment, immediately becoming used to living as a physical being that is whole, here, complete instead of a baby that picks up the current worry, concern and stress that people have due to debt, lack of money/ resources, lack of education of how to take care of a newborn, having relationship problems, addictions, manias and a total ‘flawed nature’ that is the reflection of who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be in the mind, which is creating what this entire world currently Is and exists as. This is in conjunction to what Dr. Mate explains as the negative effects that lacking an ‘available, non stressed nurturing emotionally available parenting care giver’ creates as potential addicts that seek to activate these basic experiences of completion through chemically induced experiences, while they could have been developed as a natural physical experience that is not constantly sought as an Energetic experience, but are simply not sought since the same stability that equal support provides will ensure who we are as the mind is no longer seeking for this never ending desire for ‘more.’ We are all addicts, we have said that before – so we rather stop condemning  ourselves, take responsibility and create solutions at a world-system level, not through medications or street drugs that lead to harm and self abuse.

 

So, if we only allow sound stable parents to have children, all the ‘future of the world’ will ensure to continue this living stability as they know nothing else but that: stability, cooperation, care, support, consideration, empathy, compassion, all of which ensures that life is then actually lived and not survived in this world, and this is what common sense is all about: implementing what’s Best for All through preventing addictions and mind-fixes that lead to self destruction.

 

Through this unconditional support, love, connection, reward, incentives, motivation, vitality, curiosity, a sense of being alive and ways to cope with stress won’t exist as some chemical sought in drugs, people, places, activities that we associate positive experiences to in our minds, but we will rather understand how Not to participate in a mind that will constantly seek for a ‘fix’ to continue its survival as a parasitical system within ourselves that we have been mostly unaware of in terms of how it functions, we have only seen the consequences but Never understood the mechanisms and that is why and how Desteni and all the interview series at Eqafe are of vital study for any human being that is willing to finally discover the ‘missing pieces of the puzzle’ in terms of addictions and any other psychological and reality-functioning aspect that has never quite ‘fit’ in all the vast theories and studies proposed by our most laureate scientists, because no one until now had been able to see the exact mechanisms and functions of the Quantum Mind in the physical body interdimensionally.

 

This is ground breaking information that Must be studied in order to take responsibility for our own addictions, to understand the problem is to get half of the solution in place, the second half is implementing it and that begins with and within ourselves through walking a process of Self Support in order to stand equal and one to the mind that we have defined as ‘the problem,’ simply because of not understanding who we really are and what we are in relation to the mind, how the mind operates interdimensionally upon the physical body and what we can do to practically stop such self-abuse and support ourselves to become living beings:

 

Equal Money System – The economic, political and social revolution that will ensure all living beings are born in a self-supportive environment where no more lack of money, care and stress result in needy human beings seeking for a fulfillment through addictive chemical substances – we instead Prevent the problem through presenting the cure and solution: Living Life As the Physical Body and Stopping Participation in the Mind as who we are – but for that, a Process is walked:

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process – Basic steps to get to know yourself as your mind

Desteni Forum To read all the self support through various processes of self correction in relation to the mind

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews/ Basic Self Education about the mind, the physical body and world system:


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