Category Archives: self realization

475. Self Commitment in Relationships

Or how to walk through distractions from developing one’s relationship with oneself and another.

 

My point in this process is definitely personal relationships, that’s the ‘weakness’ or ‘weak point’ that I am now in a phase of my life that I have decided to create and stand in to strengthen myself as well as walking with my partner that is walking his own process of becoming a better person as  he has expressed it. I recognize that my relationship is assisting me in precisely learning to transcend a lot of the relationship programming that I have accumulated throughout time and from my past experiences to discover a whole aspect of myself that I hadn’t yet lived in a relationship before, because of still sticking to playing particular roles based on fears or desires within relationships.  

Giving a step of further commitment in a relationship has also been an entirely new terrain that I had placed myself to walk through once before in such consideration, but it didn’t work out as expected though I learned a lot from that one experience to prepare myself for the one I am in now. This commitment in a relationship to one person  sometimes seems outdated or plain fearful to many because one perceives that one is then locked with another for a lifetime and there’s no way around it and one has to ‘stick with it’ no matter what. But, I’ve realized how as with everything a relationship has to be devoid of expectations, beliefs, traditions, cultural ways that can also infiltrate an idea of what a relationship has to be or what a commitment is and how it is represented.

I like the perspectives that were given in a hangout about relationships being something that lasts forever and how these fellow Destonians shared perspective that enabled me to understand how a relationship is something that is assessed and evaluated as one goes living in it. It takes a lot of self honesty here because I’ve been there myself so many times wherein when I am being challenged in my own ways, and the usual thing was to react to those conflicts and  deliberately sabotaging the relationship, giving up on it and not pushing through the difficult times to take my own responsibility in the co-creation process. I’ve been there before in situations of leaving a ‘back door open’ for someone else while in a relationship and the ripple effects this creates even if perceiving oneself to be fully committed and only considering it in one’s mind – as well as acting out on those intentions as well.

This time in the relationship I am in, I’ve been challenged in many ways, to the core of myself dare I say and this is exactly what I wanted in fact, someone that could assist me to outgrow the old me in relationships, with my plethora of expectations and desires of particular ‘ways’ to live a relationship that I have slowly but surely come to redefine into something that is quite new for me and comfortable to say the least, it’s like living with another ‘me’ as in having no particular relationship towards that other person in the old-ways or approaches I had to past partners which would turn into a rollercoaster of conflicts and mixed emotions – and that’s been quite refreshing to me as well.  Here also to remind myself that I can in no way compare anything or anyone for that matter, this is always a trick of our minds to keep us ‘captive’ in ghosts of the past, instead of focusing on what’s here, very much physical and alive to live.

However here a point I walked for myself as a very personal aspect in my writings is ensuring that I am not keeping a ‘door open’ or ‘see possibilities’ outside of my current relationship and reality. Here it is realizing what it means to feed or give one’s time and breath to think about ‘what ifs’ or potential other experiences in relationships, it is about realizing that I am committing to myself, to for the first time fully stick to my principles of self-honesty and the agreement that I have with myself and so with another to stand clear in a relationship without hidden agendas or intentions to ‘keep other possibilities in mind’ or ‘available’ in our lives, not even in a thought-manner.

This is one of those parts of myself that  I have ‘minimized’ or seen as insignificant, thinking I can deal with it completely, that it’s under control – but, oh reality challenges oneself in the most awesome ways really where I have had to stand very clear in a form of self-discipline with regards to my relationship and work out a lot this point within myself when it comes to this self-agreement and the relationship that I’ve formed where I know firsthand the kind of ripples as in frictions, conflicts, distancing that happens whenever one entertains any thought about ‘other people’ or ‘what ifs’ as ‘potentials’ or ideas related to past partners or how it ‘could be/could have been’ to be in a relationship with this/that person . This point emerged as I was reading Kristina’s blog yesterday and considered how I have been precisely looking at this, how it is a form of the ‘revenge of the ego’ where we can be in a very settled, supportive and grounded relationship, yet how easily we can fuck it up by entertaining memories, ideas and experiences of who I was in the past in relationships that eventually come up as suppressed desires in dreams that I then have to face and recognize them as aspects/parts of myself that I have to make a clear decision to stop feeding within myself.

I see this point representing a perceived ‘lack’ or ‘desire to live the past’ which in my case, it was not at all a ‘good and supportive experience’ for the most part – but at the same time, I also have been looking recently at recognizing what can I take of each person that was part of my life in a relationship and integrate those aspects as part of myself too – as well as in recognizing which aspects of myself I developed, discovered or grew as my expression while being in those relationships in the past   while at the same time reminding me of all the conflicts and problems that I faced with each one and that I have been able to learn from in order to face experiences and conflicts that emerge in a relationship with another, which to my surprise in my current relationship has been quite different altogether from my previous experiences and I can only thank this Desteni process for it, specifically the Agreements/relationships course where I learned what it is to stand in self-agreement and see a relationship as an addition of 1+1 complete people walking together in support of each one’s living and working to become the better versions of ourselves.

My point of self-honesty to develop and work on in this case is precisely within the who I am in what I entertain or give space/breaths within my every day living when it comes to memories or ‘what ifs’ based on – once again – memories, ideas, beliefs, perceptions that can lead oneself to believe ‘one is missing out’ on something/someone or how ‘better’ things could have been in this/that situation with this or that person – these thoughts if entertained in the form of possibilities or memories, it actually becomes a weight upon oneself, where one creates a stagnation in one’s day to day flow by focusing on something as an idea or experience that is only in our minds – while missing out the reality that is very much here to keep focusing on nurturing, growing, expanding and creating to see who I can be and become when walking in  loyalty, honor and respect towards myself when it comes to what I accept and allow to exist within me in relation to my relationship with another, honoring it and ensuring that I am living in a way that I can be at the end of times and stand with myself, my decisions and essentially be able to live with myself, because I’ve been in situations before where it becomes a personal hell to try and shove aside situations of self-dishonesty in relationships and not face them or admit them to myself.

Here then I commit myself to continue developing – for the very first time – a stance of full commitment to my relationship in thought, word and deed, so that whatever time and focus I create in the realm of relationships, I focus on my potential and ‘sculpture to keep working on’ as the relationship and commitment I am in, reminding myself of how many times I have allowed a simple desire for an experience to derail me from a path of integrity and honesty with myself and another – therefore this is what I will be focusing on to strengthening within me, which actually appeals quite a lot to correcting a very sneaky and repetitive pattern throughout my life that I have had a hard time to admit to myself exists in me.

Being loyal to myself is not only being loyal ‘towards my partner’ but being loyal to my commitment, to my integrity, to what I have decided from the beginning I would live in relation to this other human being I am walking with, in an agreement that we made towards one another and that I want to make sure I honor and live to the T in my life as the new me that I am creating for myself, no longer conditioned/condemned to repeat the past, but stick to a better version of me in this part of my life.

Here a reminder for myself how something that I considered was initially insignificant and kept aside from writing about it became a gift, a reminder of what I commit myself to and expand myself to in relation to relationships in general in my life, to not give ‘into’ a fleeting experience that is unsubstantial, and stick to the reality, the physicality of what’s here for me as a stone to continue to sculpt into self-perfection : ) hands on matter

Thanks for reading.

 two heads

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


474. The Intensity of Wanting To Change Others

 

Or how to slow myself down when attempting to make others see what I see for their own process of self-change

Continuing from 472. Humbleness in Process

 

I’ve noticed another situation wherein I have to consider and apply humbleness in process. This is about an experience that comes with a surge of energy, an impetus stemming from a desire to open someone’s eyes about a situation that I can see is compromising, is diminishing, is limiting to oneself-  in a nutshell, is of self-dishonesty and I may see the reasons, the beliefs involved, the energetic addictions that go along with it that another may be participating in and justifying it in various ways that even if they might sound ‘reasonable’, they always still contain a sort of self-sabotage that pops out very clearly when it comes to getting to the bottom of a situation in self-honesty.

I have seen how I tend to create a certain impetus in myself, a sort of ‘push’ that almost wants to throw a bucket of cold water upon another and say ‘Wake up! Can’t you see what you are doing to yourself!’ and this has happened multiple times in multiple ways to multiple kinds of people in my life, from the ones that I get to glimpse while walking on the street or in a public place, to the people that I live and interact with on a daily basis. So, here I have to focus entirely on myself, my own ‘impetus’ and desire for another to ‘see themselves’ the way I see things, because this is coming in fact from an imposition of a limitation wherein it’s like someone giving you the answers to what is ‘going on with you’ which prevents you from understanding yourself and doing the self-work required to get to those realizations for yourself. In essence I would be dishonoring someone’s integrity and individuality If I stand as that ‘someone’ that can ‘show the way’ and even that is also a bit too conceited of me because I’ve realized I absolutely don’t have an ‘answer’ to everything either, nor have I had the life experiences that others have had, therefore, we can only ever reference each other but each one of us ultimately has to find their own way so to speak.

So, what is this ‘impetus’ showing me about myself? First of all, that no matter how much of my time I also dedicate to assisting and supporting others, I have to make sure I don’t patronize or push others to ‘see’ things the same way I am seeing them, because then that would in fact imply that I am wanting to ‘change them’ and push them into a point of realization that I also cannot enforce upon anyone in reality, but stick to moderating myself whenever this impetus and impulse comes from within and towards others in relation to ‘waking someone up!’ or wanting them to ‘snap out of something’ that in fact dwindles their ability to develop a seeing, develop a self-understanding through self-investigation.

Here then, first of all, I have to remind myself that no matter how much I can see through the situation another is in, the choice is theirs and only theirs to walk through with the tools and support they can give to themselves and decide to see beyond the veil by their own will and decision to do so. I have to remind myself I would become ‘their cane’ to walk through a realization and could become something/someone they depend on to keep walking through a point that is and will always be entirely up to themselves to take responsibility for.

I can only ever be a point of reference for the steps of self-support that another is deciding to implement in their own lives, I can only ever share my own personal path and experience but I cannot have this intensity in my words attempting to tell them ‘wake up!’ with an energy that indicates a desperation in me – or seeing a potential as well – but in either way this reaction/energetic experience shows me I am not being patient enough in realizing each one’s path and process of self-awareness, which is a unique process where it will depend on each person to decide how they walk their lives/process and that I have to be ok with being patient in walking with another in their own time/space and pace based on their own self-given steps towards their self-creation and self-awareness.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energy surge within myself that comes up whenever I am talking to someone, seeing someone that is doing something that could be bettered, corrected, realized because even if I may see a way through in that problem, hurdle or obstacle, in an attempt to ‘wake them up’ I can feel that I become simply much more intense in my voice tonality as in speaking louder, faster and widening my eyes, tightening my body – or if being typing I start typing super-fast and I even become warmer and more intense in the way that I want to communicate towards another, without realizing that such intensity comes from a need in me to ‘wake another up’, to essentially ‘change who they are’ in that moment so that they can then ‘see the same I see’ or ‘understand the way through,’ which is in fact coming from a desperation within me that is not considering the other person in who they are as individuals, with their own process, their own mind, their particular unique set of patterns, life experiences, memories… the list is endless when it comes to seeing a single individual human being in their mind and the place they are at in their life.

Therefore whenever I come at someone with this intensity and this push through my voice, through my words, through the intensity of the words that I use, I have to realize for myself that all of it is coming from a reaction within me that is at the same time not only feeling like ‘their lives are upon me’ – but also it is a part of me that is not seeing another for who they are or where they are in their lives and personal process, which means, I am in fact not being humble and considerate towards another, but I then believe that others can ‘get it’ the same way I do and in doing so, believing that the other person can see what I see, has lived what I’ve lived, has realized what I’ve realized in an exact way as myself, which is impossible to do, because we are two different beings and I cannot compare myself to another.

Whenever I see myself getting into this ‘intensity’ in communication, in sharing something, I have to make sure that I can fine tune the ways in which I can share myself, be there for another as a point of support without that energy-rush in me and an energy push towards them in an attempt to ‘shake up’ another person, because there I am invading their self-responsibility, their self-direction and their self-awareness development process at the same time, so

I commit myself to learn and practice being more patient in moments when I see a person is in a crux of a process of self-change, and where I can see potentials and ways in which they could walk a particular process towards a correction, an integration of certain words and principles –I have to let go of wanting to ‘push’ a particular way of seeing things, a particular understanding and have to make sure that I am not imposing myself, not imposing what I see unto another but ensure I am only there as an equal that can share a living example and personal experiences with them – as a point of support, a crutch for another’s personal walk for a moment, however ultimately realizing that I cannot become their own feet, their own mind and their own will to move or do something in particular. This would be me imposing myself onto another and therefore, I have to allow myself to breathe and give space and time for another to decide how far, how fast or how slow, how deep or how shallow they decide to explore or face a particular point in their lives, because such ways to live and face our lives depend entirely on ourselves and no one else can really do it for us, such as I have seen and tested for myself.

Therefore, I commit myself to focus on precisely changing this aspect of myself that wants to ‘change another’ or ‘show the way’ to someone else through a surge of words that are coming from a state of reacting in impatience or a ‘desire to wake another up’ which at the same time exists as a fear of ‘the other one not seeing through in this point they’re facing’ and somehow blaming it on me at the same time because of perceiving that if they don’t see it through, then it would mean I am ‘not being there for them to walk it through’ – but here

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe or perceive – no matter how slightly – that another’s life and process depends very much on me and my input and support, which in fact is not so, I can only ever share my own experiences, my own ways of self-support, assist in considering self-honesty in certain situations in my life that I can then share as first hand experience, but I cannot ever make decisions for another, I cannot ever push another to do or think or act in a particular manner and I have to allow independence in another to also figure it out for themselves.

It’s interesting because this is something that I have very much a tendency to do, sometimes act like a mother – in the current most-prevalent design of a mother nowadays – towards people that can scold and get flustered about seeing situations and potential consequences and kind of ‘knowing how the story will end’ and attempt to control and warn and inject a form of fear in an attempt to wake someone up, but, this has been proven to be not a supportive manner most of the times. Sometimes I have to assess the situation and the extent in which something/someone is requiring a particular point of support, but in this I have to now at the same time focus on myself in moderating the way that I bring these points across.

How to do that? I realize it is a matter of letting to this ‘desire to wake someone up’ or to ‘have them see something’ that I am seeing with clarity and acknowledging their process, their self-awareness, their point in their lives and the situation they are in as something that they have created for themselves – which means we always are responsible to ourselves – and so either make it or break it as they say and understanding that my role in this is only assisting in suggesting ways to look at a situation, asking questions that can assist another to consider self-honesty, but I can never change someone with this intensity and impetus coming in subtle forms of anger or plain despair as well. That won’t work at all.

I have to honor myself and my self-honesty first of all, which means I can then honor and respect another’s process of self-honesty as well. As my partner just reminded me, one has to be self-honest in order to assist another to develop such self-honesty as well and my self-honesty here is stopping this surge, impetus and intensity within me that is trying to force change upon another, which is something that cannot ever be done, as each person can only ever change themselves by their own volition and decision to do so.

I can stand as an example of what it is to regard another’s life and process in their unique location, positioning, rather focusing in seeing ‘where they are at’ in their awareness, how they are approaching a situation, asking questions that can bring up practical solutions and considerations – but in moments where I see that they are not seeing through a particular veil of emotion, reactions, memories, experiences, I have to take a moment to Breathe and sloooow myself down completely and walk with them in the point they are at.

Here within myself I have to make sure that I am comfortable in my own body which means I have to step down from ‘prescribing my own discourse’ towards another which is coming from focusing only in my head and so, give myself time to feel my body which in this stage of facing a resistance in another to change, to see something, I am usually already building up a tension, a strain even at times within my physical body where I can notice my eyes are getting wider, my voice tonality gets louder, I can get out of breath, I can start speaking faster and faster with no space to leave the other to interact back or even ‘follow through with my train of thought’ because it is all completely driven through and as energy – same with typing, typing superfast and not allowing much space for another to go interacting with what I go saying either. I have to slow down and be patient, not be anxious about it.

I have to breathe and allow myself to listen, to hear, to read another’s expression and words, to consider them, to see what they are experiencing, how they are looking at a situation, where are they in their particular life-situation and so, I have to develop that humbleness and consideration in those moments wherein I can be in a position to assist another in a particular time or situation in their lives where I have to place myself in their shoes, to identify within myself where and how I have been in a similar situation or source from other situations that I have been that can be similar in nature, and so bring forth/share my own experience to share how I got to a point of self-honesty in walking through those times or situations, or how I am still assisting myself through a similar situation – so as to precisely stand as an example, sharing a potential way that another can consider for themselves. This I have to make sure I am sharing without the hidden agenda and intent of wanting to save, ‘wake another up’ or ‘having them see what I SEE they are still accepting and allowing in themselves’ because this is still coming up from a personal desire, and not from my own self-honesty.

Here self-honesty for me is reminding myself and understanding that I cannot ever save another, I cannot ever change another, I cannot ever impose ‘what to do or not to do’ unto another – I have to honor, respect and allow independence in another’s process of self-realization on whichever situation or part of themselves they are facing in their own lives, and here then My point of focus then becomes my own moderation, alignment and correction of my expression towards another.

This means, focusing more on making questions that can assist another to see, to practice living calm and stability as I am placing out these questions and considerations – to not create an expectation or a ‘threatening potential outcome’ as a way to push them to decide to act or not act upon something in order to create a particular outcome that I am considering is ‘better,’ which in fact comes from a deep-desire of doing ‘the right thing’ which is based on morality and a limited way of perceiving someone’s life process, when in fact I’ve seen for myself how if I had stood for and towards myself as I stand towards others in an attempt to ‘save them from doing the wrong things,’ I would have walked away from this bossy-me and still would have proceeded to do the things that yes, caused consequences in my life but at the same time are now learning experiences that I got to live through and work through for myself.

Therefore, I have to stand in equality with another, not as a ‘corrector’ but as an equal that stands in consideration of assisting another, walking by their side in their pace, in their considerations, in their ways of approaching things and expanding myself to consider their ways of walking their lives, the way in which they decide to face their life situations – with its faults and flaws- to embrace them the same way that I’ve learned to do so in my own life, to not judge it, to not see it as wrong, to not want them to ‘become’ or ‘reach’ a particular outcome in their lives because that is always up to each person in their lives to do so.

Here then I focus on myself, continuing to learn and apply flexibility in these moments when this ‘upsurge’ of intensity in my expression comes up, so that I can then flag-point this moment and understand I am stepping into the ‘intense-me’ and ‘lower the volume’ so to speak in how I express myself, assert my starting point in talking/assisting another, to level it down to a point of acknowledging and honoring each one’s life and process of self-responsibility, learning from their walks in life and being gentle in how I approach others because I know for a fact based on how I was raised that being reached out to through energy in the forms of control, imposition, scolding and threats don’t work at all.

Best ways I’ve been implementing in my partnership relationship is in fact based on slowing down and considering another, not pushing too much, yet making questions that can assist in seeing things differently and not expecting another to ‘change’ based on how I have done so in my life and follow that way ‘to the T’ –  but instead through sharing my own personal experiences in walking similar patterns and ‘where I am at’ in relation to it, how I go working on them. So I find it interesting that I have managed to get better at this ‘patronizing’ pattern in me in my relationship, because I have created a direct process of feedback with my partner in relation to this, speaking about it and identifying in real time how this ‘intensity’ unfolds within me – but, it seems that I haven’t extended this to other people that don’t always point it back at myself – like family members (except for my mother) and people I directly assist in their personal process of self-support or in regular interactions ‘on the streets’, but even on that one I’ve made it a very present point for me to stop judging people so much out there and instead focus on my own stopping of judging and reacting. That’s my point! 

Therefore, here I make myself aware of changing the way that I approach another within this context of intensity/energy charge in which I attempt to have another see the way I see things, or realize something or open up or ‘see the dishonesty’ for what it is, because, I will eventually become only a control-freak and a prey to my own imposition if I continue doing this with others in my life.  I have to make space as in breathing, letting go of my desired outcome/point of control and so focus on settling myself physically to slow down, to not feed expectations or ideas of ‘what another should be able to see or consider’ and rather keep walking at their side, at their pace, not on top, not in front but walking-with another in what is and will always be a process of self-support, because it can only ever be truly applied by each one/ourselves.

I can stand as an equal in supporting another to see themselves, but I have to let go whenever I can see and understand that there are more points to unfold in order to see/understand a point of self-creation, sometimes consequences have to unfold to realize what we are actually doing or participating in ourselves. And I have to accept that is each one’s decision as well, instead of attempting to ‘save’ others from going down misery lane or ‘making mistakes’ because in the end, it’s not about doing good and not bad in this process, it’s about transcending that morality and rather see for ourselves who we are in each situation, what can we learn from each situation about ourselves. I can only assist with observing such situations from an equal stand-point in where each person sees it for themselves, and how they are approaching it and then suggest ways to look at it, to consider certain aspects, to ask in a way for them to reflect about themselves and their choices and decisions, that’s about it.

I realize I don’t require at all an energy surge within me to stand as this point of support for another, I don’t require to bee ‘too intense’ in sharing something because the intensity, the control and imposition with which it comes through won’t ever have a supportive effect on another – the actual supportive words are those that contain zero-reactions, zero self-interest, zero-fears, zero-expectations, zero-control-freakism, zero-judgment and zero-neglect at the same time because it is a fine balance between caring for another while also allowing them to walk on their own entirely, because I would definitely want everyone else to also stand on their own two feet and not depend on me or anyone else to be able to live – it is about a process of cross-referencing one’s own life and understanding of oneself – that is always healthy when it comes to learning to see ourselves, to understanding our own minds, to have another ‘pair of eyes’ to see through us in humbleness and consideration.

So to me this is yet a very specific gift in my process and positioning within this Desteni Process where I am getting to walk as well some of my most ingrained patterns that actually come up in situations where I am in a position and role of assistance and support towards others, which is therefore a very relevant point for me to be in in order to learn and fine tune my understanding, comprehension, consideration towards others, to allow them to see for themselves and cross-reference whatever comes up. This is then being an assistance in a process that is always of self-support since no one else can do it for us, we always have ourselves and only ourselves as our responsibility, which includes my ways of interacting and expressing towards others that are also my responsibility.

I’ll keep an eye testing these points in real time whenever this surge comes up in me. This is something that expands and extends to how I relate to anything and anyone in my life and reality, I’d very much like our relationships to be of interdependence and independence where we can count on each other yet at the same time realizing the fundamentals of self-responsibility at all times, that’s the marvel of walking as equals yet as individuals.

Thanks for reading

 

Mirror- my error

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


472. Humbleness in Process

Or how to stop the recreation of consciousness values while walking the process from consciousness to living awareness.

I was having a conversation with my partner about the importance of being humble in this process wherein it can happen that upon making the decision of changing oneself to align to the principles of life in equality, oneness and what’s best for all, one can tend to see oneself as ‘better than the rest’ of the people, superior due to knowing certain information and having an awareness of tools for self-support that yes, can in fact be a complete life changing point. However we often forget how by deciding to walk this process from consciousness to awareness, we are not becoming something ‘more’ or ‘superior’ in any way – it is in fact only re-aligning ourselves to what we could have always been like if we hadn’t stepped into a relationship of separation/inequality between one another and creating the plethora of illusory values (superior/inferior, more or less than, better/worse, good/bad) that we’ve now made very real because of our acceptance and allowance of them as ‘who we are.’

We were discussing how it is not supportive at all to take a position of being on a high horse when one is able to transcend something, to change something in oneself successfully and believe that one then has the authority to call others out for not doing so, or expecting others to do the same and patronizing others essentially when not following the same route. I definitely agree, this is all ego-based/consciousness reactions of better/worse, superior/inferior and comparison mode that leads us to only recreate the same kind of systems, patterns and tendencies that already exist in this world, where we value people more or less based on ‘what they know’ or ‘the decisions they make’ in their lives.

Reflecting on this, I’ve seen myself living that pattern out even if it is in very subtle manner where a part of me sees that I have a certain authority over another when it comes to pointing out something, having to explain another what exactly it is that I see or assess they are doing wrong or should do instead. But, in my own relationship this has been a pattern that I’ve had to first become aware of through being made aware of it and so learn to stop myself from acting on this ‘impulse’ that emerges – read energy – that wants to point out ‘what should be done’ or ‘what’s wrong’ in someone else’s life/situation.

This is certainly one of those things I completely ‘have become’ that it’s hard for me to see it. It’s no different to when in the past, I used to take pride of apparently understanding things better, faster, cultivating some kind of intellect to create a form of superiority to in essence judge/criticize everything of this world-system and the actors in it as ‘less than myself’ because I could explain their flaws and problems – or so I made myself believe, lol. What happens is that I used to justify doing this within a righteousness of doing so in the name of creating a form of betterment, that I could stand ‘for the people’ someday in my life Against those that underestimated us – that type of personality was very strong in me, a ‘savior’ and ‘justice maker’ type of person.

What I missed in this type of mentality and so personality is that my whole starting point of wanting to ‘be superior’ was masked with a good intention = helping people, showing the way, leading people to understand what’s wrong in this world – while in fact not wanting to admit to myself that my starting point was that of being in inferiority, perceiving that I had to ‘overcome’ those perceived authorities I accepted and allowed myself to portray as ‘the enemy’ that ‘I/we had to stand up to’.

Yet because of coloring it/valuing it in these ‘positive’ ways like saying it is in the name of justice and doing something commendable ‘for the people,’ or ‘to wake others up,’ I completely numbed myself from really asking myself ‘who am I’ in this role of enlarging my intellect for the sake of having sufficient ‘wits’ to apparently ‘outwit’ others in the name of some common benefit? Makes no sense, it defeats the whole purpose to begin with as I would be recreating the same pattern of ‘the masters and slaves’, the superior and inferior in my own attitude towards others that – to begin with – I believed I had to save, teach, show the way to, which in fact disables anyone from creating their own resolve and ‘make up their own mind’ about what they see is their way, path and process. Therefore such stance I was taking recreated the same antagonism and inequality that I was supposedly attempting to ‘stand up’ from, while inadvertently limiting others from taking responsibility for themselves at the same time.

 

 I’ve seen throughout this process how even if I have stopped such personality within myself of aggrandizing my ego through intellect or antagonism toward ‘the enemy’ out there as the system, this same tendency can seep through now taking this very process from consciousness to awareness into an ego-field where one can start building up say a ‘new ego’ personality based on ‘being walking this process’ or having a particular awareness developed over time that one could perceive makes us better/more than others, when this is of course not in fact so.

The key word to prevent oneself from falling into the ego trap of ‘feeling superior because of walking process’ or ‘because of knowing/being aware of all of these facts about reality and tools of self-support’ is in fact Humbleness. And this is what I go realizing every day that I go learning how to express and share myself when writing these blogs, when talking to people, when assisting people in their own same process, this word Humbleness is a key element for me to continue cultivating it and applying it/practicing whenever I see that there’s a surge of ‘taking pride on’ any point of awareness or ‘achievement’ in whichever form within my personal process or life.

What I do instead is to eat my ego words up, lol. It’s a way that I’ve learned to refrain myself from expressing words in the form of boasting about something and realizing that if my intent of saying it was only to create a competition, create a ‘race’ against others, or place myself in my imaginary pedestal – then I have to keep it to myself and make it sufficient that I am aware of what I see, what I am working on or have worked on and instead of seeing my way as the ‘ultimate way’ or ‘better’ or any of that type of comparison/competition, I direct myself to learn more from others, to realize that there is a never ending – most likely – process of learning from one another in this life and in the next ones.

With understanding the many possible ways that we can expand ourselves beyond the very limited ego-values of judging/perceiving something or someone as more or less or superior and inferior, etc. we can jump into the realization that this process is about aligning oneself to principles  of how we could have always lived by from the very beginning of our existence.

So it definitely isn’t about becoming ‘superior’ in the values that we currently hold in global consciousness where we grade ourselves with numbers and positions and money or reputations – it is about making decisions to become individuals that honor the life that is in all of us in thought, word and deed, seeing it as a move and decision that we could – and dare I say here should-  have applied a long time ago, doing what we were supposed to have done from the get go, but only now we are waking up to realize it.

Therefore one can visualize it as in getting back to the original path while having gone astray for far too long – there’s nothing ‘superior’ in incorporating oneself to another path, it is more like becoming aware of and deciding to act on that responsibility that we all have by the very fact of being alive, and so live this decision in humbleness. There’s nothing to take pride of in this, really, and my personal point to learn in this is precisely to not patronize, to not be generating any sort of ‘superiority’ for deciding to walk this path, but the other way around, keep cultivating humbleness and keep challenging myself to expand beyond ‘me’ all the time, to consider other people, their processes, the multiple ways of assisting each other as well – because we all are in this process, no matter if we are aware of it or not – their lives, their experiences, their expressions and individuality.

I have to focus on myself and not try and ‘impose’ anything onto anyone, I can only ever share my example and by doing so, not expect any result of that, not to expect any direct and visible outcome from ‘me sharing myself’ but doing so unconditionally as an act of understanding, of standing in principles and remaining very aware that I am not in any way subtly feeding ‘an ego’ about doing so, because it would defeat the whole purpose of this process to begin with.  And yes, it is a constant thing to do in my case since my familiar patterns indicate that we had existed in a long history of inferiority that sought superiority through boasting about things, through seeking recognition, through playing the ‘superior’ one in any possible way – which only indicates a vast existence in inferiority that seeks to become ‘more’ in any form or way of values that we have all collectively accepted and allowed as something ‘real’.

The only real value is life and it exists in all of us as a potential for us to realize it, recognize it and walk it as who we are in every moment. Each one’s path, ways of living it and outcomes will always be unique as it is part of an individual’s expression, lifetime, experiences, positioning and location in each one’s reality and decisions – and so, I’ve got to learn to embrace that as it is, as it expresses – no more and no less, and make sure that any time I see my subtle diminishment of someone’s expression, ways of walking their own process, ways of applying themselves as ‘less than’ or ‘wrong’ or ‘not as good as’ I stop myself and I remind myself to live humbleness and consideration, because that way I can learn to embrace another’s life and process as an extension of myself that I can get to know more of, learn from and if it is in my ability to do so, be able to assist in any way that is possible – not from ‘top to bottom’ type of hierarchical perception, but as equals, learning from one another in a symbiotic relationship.

This approach has definitely been assisting me to grow as a person in fact every single time that I get to learn from others on how to best assist oneself and so others in their own process, and I do insist here on how if we can transform our relationships from one another to best get to know ourselves and create ways to change our lives to live principles that honor our very own lives, we can definitely change who we are as humans in this world, no doubt about it.

As a last word, I can only speak from my own experience and I can only share of the multiple benefits that I’ve been realizing exist as a potential in all of us and that I’m continuing to test out, apply, learn from and live in my reality – we can all give ourselves a chance to test it out, to start cultivating some self-awareness, to decide to improve oneself even if it is in very simple ways, bit by bit –every effort done in the realization of becoming part of this emerging change in reality is another part and bit of ourselves that decided to align with life, standing in equality where there’s no more or less or better or worse, we are then no longer defined by the bipolar nature of consciousness values and egotistical scales – we simply decide to live as life, as equals  while remaining unique and individual.

Thanks for reading

 

Recommended support:

  1. Humble & Considerate
  2. Humble, Considerate & Godhood
  3. Redefining Humble & Considerate

 

Humble Me

 

Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


471. Self-Forgiveness on Self-Limitation

Or how to see through fears and paranoia within a scenario of facing manifested consequences

 

There are various things that have created an impact on me just in the span of the last 12 hours and I’m seeing things that I considering as clearly before. The context is seeing some of those manifested consequences for the first time in my life quite ‘in the corner of my street’ type of thing which is something entirely new to me to be honest and it’s been happening in various ways around here: so-called threats from cartels asking for ransom, car parts being stolen more frequently in these seemingly ‘safer’ areas and the recent lootings that took place in this side of my city where even a Wal-Mart that is some 500 meters from here had to close down and consequently every other shop was closed yesterday after 6 pm to avoid further lootings – unprecedented for me and everyone else I asked in my environment.

What happens is there has been a raise in fuel price and there are people that in an attempt to spite the government and ‘big corporations’ they have been looting stores, closing down roads that in turn have created much more problems and loss  than any of the ‘goods’ they stole from countless stores nationwide yesterday. I was appalled last night upon becoming aware of this and how easy it is to drive people through fear and paranoia at the same time, but also how the design is not at all responding into ‘what is best for all’ but immediately ‘grabbing what you can while you can’ and not minding at all who gets a consequence for that.

The word resilience opened up yesterday assisted me to remind myself to breathe to not go into the same ‘wave’ of paranoia that everyone around here was… few times I told people to calm down, but it’s not possible to ‘change’ someone just by saying that, it’s still a self-responsibility point. I simply had to embody that stability myself and keep explaining how we don’t have to participate in fear – but to me in my experience it was beyond fear, a sort of sadness to see this happening and how limited we still are when it comes to trying to fix problems.

So here it goes.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to belief that the way to create a solution to the problems is through sabotaging, maiming, destroying and ‘getting it all while you can’ in an attempt to literally ‘fuck’ the people that I perceive are in power and to blame for the recent rises in prices in the gas and consequently potential inflation to come from it – not realizing that spite, blame, maiming and destruction will never be the way to create a solution nor make a ‘statement’ because in doing this, we only show how limited we are in perceiving ‘no way out’ but to riot and be opportunistic against the people that we believe are ‘more powerful’ than us, when in fact it is ourselves that have enslaved each other/ourselves in various conditions in our society – economically and socially speaking – therefore, playing the blame game and trying to ‘punish’ some for perceiving that they have ‘punished ourselves’ is nothing else but playing the victim and so justifying the spite that in turn only creates further loss, further destabilization, panic and paranoia all around that no one benefits from.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel appalled upon getting to know that people around me can act in mob styles to be opportunistic about a situation that has become a feud towards the government, where I see the role of people playing a victim, of us all playing a victim, not realizing that we have created the government that we have, that we ARE the government that we have in our very own thoughts, words and deeds at an individual level – and the proof is that what a few in the elite classes do in a ‘legal manner’, the majority in this whole country ended up doing in seemingly smaller scale but with equal consequences – or worse – of disruptions, loss, destruction and in general not realizing that we are playing out the exact same nature as anyone else in a position of power that has abused such position and power, which means: we can’t at all blame anyone for the situation we have co-created, we are ALL equally responsible for the manifested consequences and the only way through is to acknowledge and understand how arbitrary our limitations are, how we have created and imposed them going down the road of fear and control – instead of realizing we can self-forgive and change those arbitrary limitations to create a better outcome that could stabilize everyone’s livelihood and not only that, but pave the way for actual growth and thrive.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get trapped in a limitation where apparently we cannot fathom a life without oil, a life without all the stuff that is available in stores and forget about the actual possibilities that can emerge if instead of working together to create mayhem and destruction and ‘fucking the one next to us’ – we could focus on standing together to create solutions, creating what’s best for everyone and that requires a willing decision to understand that any opportunism to ‘trump’ others will only bite us all back in the ass because everything that we do affects us all equally because the problems we are facing are equally created – not only by governments, not only by big corporations, not only by the elites – but each one of us that in our very own thoughts, words and deeds still decides to spite back and take revenge instead of considering what would be most beneficial and best for everyone.

I realize that in situations like that what takes over is the compounded emotions, accumulated frustrations of endless years that usually end up in break outs like this one or revolutions or wars that are never the solution. Therefore, I realize our limitation in how we haven’t learned to cooperate, to join forces for the best for all, to create something together that we can live by and guard ourselves but instead are creating a rebellion against that which we’ve placed and created as our ‘authority’ by design, by acceptance and allowance only to have something or someone to blame for the mess we’ve accepted and allowed and have created.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to remain in self-limitation after an entire human history or wars and revolt and civil wars where we haven’t yet learned to decide to cooperate, to unite to create solutions but instead, immediately act based on an emotional outrage that leads to more destruction, more decay and giving a full step back to a very primitive human-nature state of ‘survivalism’ which proves that there is a long way to actual human evolution if we really want to get to thrive in this world – and this requires an actual forgiveness and understanding from those that feel the most oppressed to realize that we have all been equal co-creators of this current situation and that nothing will advance but only worsen if we keep falling into spite, blame, vengeance/revenge, righteousness in believing that we have a right to protest and demand, while remaining victims in a comfortable situation so as to not have to acknowledge that this entire creation and all of its problems are emanating from the same source: oneself, self-separation, self-degradation from life.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to also be taken over by images seen in the media about the events and generalize and think that ‘the person next to me’ is probably as spiteful as those seen looting the stores, when in fact this is not so, it does not happen every single day and it’s not a majority either. Therefore I forgive myself that I have had a tendency to limit myself and other me’s as human beings by suddenly painting everyone with the same judgment and limitation as in being ‘back to square one’ of human evolution/decay, instead of realizing that this is part of my doomsday character personality that continually has sought reasons, justifications and excuses as to why humanity stands no chance for a world change. I have to stick to being that ‘hope’ of humanity and work on it within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel sad, appalled and disturbed by seeing the nature of what we can be as human beings wherein it only ‘hits home’ this time because of how close to me it all was, but I’ve seen it happen everywhere else in the world so this is only a proof that I have been living in a comfortable bubble where all ‘the problems’ seemed to be out there/far away from here, instead of seeing that as with anything these outcomes are a potential in all of us to create, we all are equally capable of creation and so destruction – therefore

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be blinded by the self-imposed limitations when it comes to the current economic and political situation we are in, wherein we have allowed ourselves to believe that the only way out is through chaos, mayhem, destruction, and forgetting all about self-responsibility, our power as creators of this reality to create, to solve, to change the so-called immovable ‘laws’ in our economic and political systems so that we could realize at last that this limitation, this lack, this poverty, these prices, these authorities are all self-created and are standing as a proof of our very own accepted and allowed self-limitation and delusions that CAN be changed if we all decide to do so.

Therefore I realize I can only focus on myself seeing through the veil, seeing through the play outs, understanding them as an outflow of our creation that we all have to learn from and stand up equally – I cannot go changing each person into seeing this, but I am not defined by what others in their own awareness and volition decide to do or not to do, but to focus on what I can do, correct and align within myself, stand by, communicate and suggest as solutions, to not fall prey of fears and paranoia that are part of the chaos that is sometimes deliberately created to then implement ‘new ways of security’ or further control upon the population, which is yet another limitation that we’ve imposed and collectively created upon ourselves based on our seemingly impossible ability to change, to stand as principles and remove the veils from our eyes to see: we’ve all co-created this all, there’s no one more or less responsible in this, we’re all it, we are only spiting ourselves, we are only biting our own tail, we have to stop it and act in supportive ways.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to forget living the word expansion as in being able to see through a situation and see the bigger picture, but still fell into a powerless experience within seeing it ‘very difficult’ to step out of this situation in this country – while fully knowing that there are consequences that we are going to be facing and that they can only be but a catalyst to sort out the problems we’ve been dragging for far too long – and realizing that this won’t come at the ‘higher levels’ of our society, but has to start in cultivating all the values that I see are not being considered by the most that seem to be very fixated on waging war against an equal me that we’ve placed as ‘president’ who has become a human piñata where everyone has deposited their own blames towards, which are nothing else but effigies/roles that we’ve elevated to the status of gods and authorities that we have placed deliberately in those positions of ‘power’ to have someone to blame and so abdicate our own collective equal and one responsibility to the whole of our thoughts, words and deeds.

In this I have to make peace with the fact that it might seem like a seemingly small point for me to stand in self-awareness in a ‘sea of trouble’ but, that’s what I decide to be and do and so not fall prey to fears and paranoia, but to remain focused on expanding myself, going beyond the seemingly overwhelming situation so many people got caught up on emotionally on and so acting based on those emotions as fears, spite and self-interest, while realizing that it was mostly a scare happening in the mind because as we spoke of it and sat in the comfort of our homes, they were only situations taking place in some stores and gas stations – so, I have and we have to remind ourselves that there is always a choice in deciding to join the disaster and paranoia chorus or stick to principles and remain settled – and that the more we stand without fears and stability, the more we will realize the actual powers and ability we have to create solutions, so here we have to persevere in our best-for-all intentions and not succumb to the chaos.

This is something to apply both in an internal and external level, because if we look at the driving force behind any form of destruction: it’s of emotions, it’s of the mind, it won’t create any solutions at all, it is only our attempt as consciousness to ‘fix problems’ while being blind to the obvious destruction and consequences this creates and forgetting that we don’t do it to ‘others’ as there are No others, we are all IT, we are ‘them’ and so we essentially are shooting ourselves in the leg.

Therefore, we always have the option to stand up from it in honoring the life that we have, to not follow ‘the mob rules’ within ourselves and live in self-respect – towards oneself and everyone else – or fall prey of one’s deliberately created weaknesses, spitefulness, blame, vengeance that are truly those aspects of our human nature that have been perpetuated generation after generation and thus have to come to a stop here, one by one in our individual decision of who we decide to be – who’s who in the zoo type of decision.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel embarrassed upon seeing what fellow human beings can do which can only exist if I am holding an expectation and a judgment toward other people according to what I would like to believe they are, which is also an illusion and the point here is for me to consider yes, the potential that exists in all of us, but also not being blinded by it and trying to color everything in a positive manner but remain realistic in the realization of what’s happening when it comes to facing and creating our own consequences, so as to be reasonable enough, to be careful and considerate enough at the same time.

The key here is then to not exist as judgments upon what’s happening around me and so now is the time where I have to pull my non-existent pants up and apply what I’ve written out many times here and actually get to live that in thought, word and deed while yes, remaining cautious, aware and considerate of how things go around here because that’s just what manifested consequences are: we cannot change them but we can change who we are within and while in it all.

I commit myself to continue expanding myself in seeing through the limitations, the consciousness play outs and wreckage that we’ve co-created and that’s happening at the moment and stick to my own core and stability as the life that I am, as my physical body in holding within myself that potential that exists in me and everyone else that decides to also opt to live their potential for a common benefit – we don’t have to get discouraged by things around us or fellow human beings that decide to spiral down the emotional consciousness way, but stick to principles, stick to common sense, stick to physical groundedness and not get into a smog fog of current situations – but breathe through it, walk through it holding steady to our own truth and responsibility to it all as well as standing as and holding that potential that is here in everything and everyone, it’s up to each one of us to decide what we do and where we stand within it all.

Thanks for reading and let’s keep walking

 

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Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


467. Stepping Out of the Zone

Or how to redirect oneself into self-creation when being more quiet and stable within oneself.

A common experience that emerges within oneself after some time as in several years of being ‘processing’ one’s mind and upon working with the basics of understanding one’s emotions and feelings, understanding one’s reactions and how to practically work with them, one gets to a phase which I’ve defined as a ‘zero point’ or ‘dead point’ because it is that moment where one can noticeably be more stable, more quiet, not so many voices in the head or being more at ease within oneself to a point where we get to apparently feel a form of loss or death within us, and the interesting thing is that it’s not like we are in fact becoming more robotic or ‘dead’ inside ourselves, but the other way around.

This experience which is in fact a lack of energetic stimulation/not participating as much in our minds which we may experience as a loss or ‘missing’ something in our lives can be understood in two ways:

1.      We have defined ourselves so much according to energy as emotions, feelings, constant inner conflict and inner movements that we had equated those experiences as ‘being living/being alive’ where we had always accepted and allowed our self-definition to be equated to an energetic experience inside us, moving us, being the ‘driving force’ for us to do something. An example is where one gets to discover within this process of self-awareness that even our great plans and projects in our lives could have been in fact motivated by a form of self-interest, a fear such as an inferiority seeking a superiority, a way to ‘demonstrate’ to others one is capable of something and trumping others and calling this ‘one’s motivation to succeed’.

I found that a lot of what I did and moved myself with was in fact that of ego, of self-interest, of seeking an energetic experience and so, that was part of what I had to willingly stop doing and feeding in my life – and yes it felt like quitting a drug of sorts of course, but that’s what I knew I had to do in order to be the real me that is here, just physically here which practically means saying ‘no’ to all kinds of ‘temptations’ if you will for me to ‘go back’ into the old ways, to just participate into this or that ‘a little’ and it’s no different to craving a drug or sugar if you’re addicted to either, it seems like one just can’t hold it, but through continuous practice in one’s resolve and discipline, it is possible to ‘starve’ that experience and let it go.

 

 I’ve found that upon then being more stable, calm and quiet within myself, self-motivation and self-movement is are one of those seemingly challenging points because one won’t ‘feel’ like doing anything, but one can move, can direct and get to do things, regardless of ‘getting anything out of it’ as an energetic experience, but simply doing it based on a common sensical decision to create, to support oneself, to get to attend our basic responsibilities, to expand, to grow, to develop ourselves further and this is where one can easily fall into the idea that ‘nothing is opening up for us’/ nothing is moving, nothing is happening – because we are no longer motivating ourselves through energy, within constant friction and conflict seeking a ‘way out’ and we are no longer having these high and lows that we had defined as ‘who we are’ – but it will in fact be a more quiet process that in comparison to the previous ‘hectic and energetic self’ might seem indeed like an internal death experience, but it’s not.

 

This phase and experience of ‘not having much going on inside oneself’ and inside one’s head can even be felt in some as a form of depression, which surely just as ‘regular depression’ it happens when we are sinking into nothingness, finding comfort in doing nothing else but self-pitying ourselves and focusing on fueling emotional turmoil inside. In this phase and process I’m talking about, it might feel like ‘nothing moves, nothing makes us ‘feel’ any longer, so what’s the point?’ and that’s how if one does not in fact direct oneself to create oneself and fill that space there, one can go back to ‘the old self’ as in seeking for stimulations as energy fixes of any kind that we had become used to and apparently ‘feel alive’ again.

 

This is what happens when one ‘falls’ into a pattern again that one had self-forgiven and worked on before. It just means we didn’t sufficiently stand in our decision and resolve to stop a particular habit or pattern in our minds and so in our doings, it means that we allowed our addiction of any kind to ‘kick in’ as a mind- back up to keep ourselves ensnared in our minds, going into the old patterns because ‘it feels familiar, it feels like the good old me again’ and before we know it we’re back to base 1 of transcending/walking through a particular experience, habit or addiction for that matter, and we have to start the whole process of standing up from those experiences again, and as many times as required to get it.

 

So here it means that one has to actually get used to this seemingly and apparently ‘slow pace’ of living, which is an actual physical pace, not a ‘mind pace’ where everything goes super fast and can be insta-created as we wish and like and so forth – one has to let go of all of those bits that seem to be like ‘mind hooks’ coming up in our minds, wanting to go here/do that/think this/imagine that in order to ‘keep the mind alive’ so to speak, that’s exactly where we have constantly decide to starve those desires and false needs because really, we don’t need these experiences to be ‘alive’ at all, au contraire, they represent obstacles, detours that take us back to square one and not really move forward.

 

That’s also where one’s understanding of what is to be self-honest comes handy, because that is a constant guideline to know how do we decide to spend our time of the day, how do we decide to live every moment, what do we decide to invest our space and time on – and this is there where the point 2 comes in.

 

2.      This ‘deadness’ or ‘emptiness’ or ‘lack’ experienced is in fact an indication that we are at our blank-slate point or square one of self-creation. What happens when we stop particular habits or patterns is that we stop giving space, energy and time to that which used to ‘occupy ourselves’ in our minds, something that would most likely not be constructive but time-consuming, destructive, keeping us in fears, anxieties, feeling unsatisfied, wanting to do/consume something all the time to ‘feel something’ but, that desire right there once that it is settled and kept ‘at bay’ with one’s resolve and perseverance, what is left is in fact a space, a void that needs to now be reprogramed, re-wired, a part of us that now has to be self-filled with something like a living word, a new set of actions, a new plan to see where and how do we want to expand and explore ourselves into.

And this is where according to one’s environment, capacity, time, financial stability and a variety of other factors we can decide how to best redirect our time, effort and attention to self-creation in a way that is now supportive, in a way that we know we are supporting ourselves to become the versions of us that does not require to exist in constant stress, fear or conflict to be motivated to do something, that does not require to have a constant ‘competition’ in mind to decide to be better every day, that can decide to no longer be defined by particular likes, preferences or types of personality that could refrain ourselves from doing something that is ‘out of our programming’ so to speak, and see/test who we are within it and not fear the change.

 

This is then the phase we constantly are in whenever we go more effectively stopping ourselves from diving into a mind experience, and then there’s that opportunity to expand further or remain ‘on the nothingness-same spot’ – none of these two options is better or worse, it’s simply about where one is at one’s process and in one’s self-honesty. But in my case, whenever I remain into ‘not moving myself’ in those moments, it becomes like being stopping for far too long on a traffic light and knowing that there’s a green light again, an opportunity to step on the road and redirect myself but I don’t do it, and that’s what can lead myself back to similar patterns of the past like depression, feeling lethargic or apathetic or ‘seeing no point’ in anything because one has now created space in oneself to redirect, to create, to grow, to develop new ways and ideas, to make decisions on how to invest our time of the day on – and if this is not done, then we might go back to seeking to ‘feel’ something because we haven’t actually taken self-responsibility to create ourselves, to direct ourselves.

 

And this is also a very personal phase of self-creation because we are so used to having something/someone ‘telling us what to do’ or ‘what to create’ or ‘where to put our attention on’ or ‘what we have to complete now’ – we’ve done that all the time from when we were very young in our parents’ house and then on the education system, then at work, in society and we’ve been so used to always ‘following’ and having someone else ‘leading us’ – which makes it truly ‘awkward’ in this new phase because: we have to decide and give direction to ourselves, we have to test new things ourselves, we have to decide how far or how near we decide to take ourselves to in doing/living something, which directions to take.

 

For that, we can only have our self-trust, knowing that no matter ‘what’ we decide to do with ourselves, we always have the tools of self-support like writing, applying self-forgiveness, developing self introspection and self-honesty to then create solutions, create ways through in moments where difficulties emerge, where plans fail and we have to find a new route – this is a certainty that we can create within us because of having proven to ourselves that it is possible to stop being ‘guided by the mind’ and that we now can stand in the path of self-creation and test, find, be creative and know that we can always find a way through in it.

 

It’s also very much the realization of self-creation, of being god onto ourselves and understanding that there is nothing or no one that can decide this for us, we have to do it and so acknowledge the responsibility and results/consequences that may unfold from our decisions, for ourselves and for everyone else that is here in this world as well.

 

All of this might sound too much or ‘scary’ for some, but it’s actually the most empowering position one can stand on, and one that is enjoyable if one decides to make it so – again, it’s very much up to each one to decide who I want to be and who do I decide to be in this phase of creating the better version of myself that I can work for myself and that I can, at the same time, gift to others in this world/in my life to.

 

Sounds good isn’t it? It’s a constant redirection, because ‘temptations’ will always come in whichever form we have programmed ourselves to, each one of us knows exactly what those ‘weaknesses’ are that we have to develop into a strengths, simply making a decision that we know where such experience leads us – therefore, there’s always a moment to detour and take another way, one that is honorable, that is of self-honesty and that in the long run – no matter how ‘hard’ or ‘challenging’ it may seem at first to step into self-change – we know that it is the better way, it is the commendable way, it is the way that we will lead ourselves to get to a spot in our lives where we can ‘bear ourselves’ and embrace ourselves completely – no regrets, no guilt, no remorse, no ‘what if’s or ‘should have’s’ because this way means assessing what is it that we really want to use our life-time and space on and for.

 

All that is left from this then is a reminder for myself whenever feeling like ‘giving up’ or seeing things as ‘pointless’ or ‘nothing is happening’ or ‘feeling too empty’ and going into a general ‘low experience’ what do I know? I require to set myself a direction, to give myself a direction and at the same time expand to something a bit different than before so as to no create also a constant-comfort zone where there is no real expansion in it, but just keeping oneself constantly occupied on the same. That’s the challenge I have for myself and will look into this as I decide precisely, upon having this ‘blank slate’ where would I like to develop myself more, what would I like to expand my interests on, where can I expand my support on, what can I create?

 

The options are many, we can make a decision of what we do, where we do it, with whom or alone and make sure that whatever we create, we take responsibility for it at the same time.

 

So, time to step out of the ‘dead-nothingness-zone’ and give that step into self-creation.

 

Recommended: From Created to Creator – Reptilians – Part 306

 

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Check out these great sites for self support and self development :


463. Redefining Hope

Or how to practically live a word that usually only means an expectation, a desire, an intent

 

I’ve challenged a fellow Destonian, Tormod, to redefine the word hope, but whenever I see within myself and I realize that I also have some redefinition to do around that word then it means: I have take my own suggestion for myself as well.

I also consider it’s timely since this year is ending, and usually what we tend to wish for one another in general is ‘hoping for better times’ in the year to come as in waiting for things to get better, to have ‘the good times/future on our side’, to be fortunate, to have all the best and no more of all ‘the bad/negative’ stuff, which is also an interesting premise first to look at in terms of how hope is usually said when things are not so well, things are going wrong or bad or not having the expected results.

I had shared before how supportive it was for me to in essence adopt the words ‘Kill all hope’ as a means to let go of that usual notion of hope as this word that almost evokes this whimsical experience where one can almost envision these ‘winds of change’ coming through from somewhere, somehow, almost with this ‘magical halo’ as if something/someone will come and fix our problems, will come and save us, sort something out for us, expecting something to get better by itself, “we’ll have better luck in coming times!” the future looking like this promising illusion that is nowhere to be found ‘here’, meaning, we are precisely just staring toward the upper right space above our heads, staring at a nothingness and imagining, fantasizing, wishing and so ‘hoping’ for good things to come our way.

So what do the words ‘killing all hope’ meant to me as a starting point to precisely correct myself in my experience that I just described above and so get back to ‘here’ to my physical reality and myself? Quite simple: stopping waiting, stopping fantasizing or weaving an illusion in our heads that we project and web into the future, someday, somehow…. Out there! So I questioned, who am I existing as within this hope? And I found that I am inaction, I am disempowerment, I am fears, I am sunk in inertia, I am depression, I am positively-thinking and fantasizing only, I am abdicating my responsibility for my self-creation to god knows what or who to do something out there for me.

Upon seeing that, I realized that surely I had to let go of all hope and so instead gear myself to not ‘wait’ but act, move, direct, create, plan and walk the first steps to achieve something, to do that something I was merely existing in ‘waiting-mode’ for. So this is more of a practical approach for changing hope into words that are the reverse of inaction or waiting.

However, I did notice at the same time that I then sort of refrained myself from using the word ‘hope’ and that would mean that I can still do some work to make it ‘my own’, to redefine it in the sense of filling that word with a meaning I can live by, stand by and so share it, speak it within the context that it may be suitable for.

 

So here I want to nail this word down within the context of communicating with others and understanding when they use the word hope as a means or way to, for example, give themselves strength, courage and motivation to keep walking through a particular difficult situation in their lives where it is common to hear ‘let’s hope for the best’. I’ll share a particular example that I want to use as a platform to redefine this word hope for.

I’ve been recently in this situation of being aware of someone being very sick and possibly dying soon, I listened to people express hope for this person’s health to get better. I must say I did get challenged in that I thought it would not get better at all, but I’ve been proven wrong, which is great, but I also considered that as with everything, even if things can go ‘better’ for some time, once that a particular diagnosis is certain, hope can only exist ‘that far’ in terms of a person’s life, and it applies to all of us really, we all have a limited timeframe in this world and if we only ‘wait’ for something better to come our way, we will certainly waste our precious time here.

I shared above how I can now ‘fill in’ the meaning within the word hope in a way that is much more substantial than just waiting or wishing or thinking positively. Developing strength, courage, self-motivation, consistency, diligence and perseverance are great ways to live hope in a way that one can give that to oneself – in whichever measure one is able to and according to the context/situation and conditions. These words are so much more ‘here’ and empowering and able to be lived by and directed entirely by ourselves, no matter how ‘big’ or ‘small’ the tasks we are moving ourselves with, what matters is precisely having this intent, this starting point of supporting ourselves or something/someone with that vision or outcome of creating a better situation for everyone involved moment by moment, day by day.

Here also considering that once that such active support is provided for example for a person, hope applies in the sense of yes doing what is necessary to assist another, the person assisting themselves with these words that they can live for and by themselves regardless, and there comes a practical ‘waiting’ in this case, where yes there is a waiting process at the same time to see how things evolve, what works best in creating a better quality of living in such difficult situation, it’s more of a timeframe to assess, to evaluate – but definitely not a time to be ‘with arms crossed’ doing nothing  – so this is also a practical way to see ‘hope’ as a practical waiting/observing of a development or unfoldment.

It also assists me in letting go of the usual image I have associated with hope which is that of ‘long faces’ as in sad faces that are ‘hoping’ for better times, like people in war that one can have as images etched in our minds of how all of them are yearning for something better, for the war to stop, hoping for the best, but many times being incapable of ‘stopping the war’ themselves – but they, as many people in war torn situations, have demonstrated that in those worst situations the better of themselves can come through and assist them to live through day by day. They do become that courage, that strength, that diligence to face their day to day even in worst case scenarios and not giving up, and that’s a key word here as well that can nurture and substantiate the word ‘hope’: not giving up, not letting oneself be blinded by emotions, but also not fall into ‘false illusions’ but being very realistic about the work to be done, the process ahead, the amount of self-work and diligence it will take to do that and so realizing that hope is not a given thing, hope doesn’t come ‘by itself,’ Hope is created as a day to day living process where each decision we make is in fact affecting and so creating our future.

This is also another dimension as well where at least in my case I tend to associate hope with this elusive ‘future time’/ a future-tense word where one is kept in ‘tension’ and so in a ‘paralyzed’ mode in the present ‘waiting’ for that future someday… but that’s exactly the kind of ‘trap’ that we have to prevent ourselves from falling into when using the word hope and instead be able to redefine it into the realization that we are creating the future every single moment, ‘we are the future’, the future is already here for us to create, because it doesn’t exist in fact ‘out there’, that’s only an illusion. All we have is the present, and so the present is an active living, an active doing and working on that which we want to change, create, redefine, align, build and direct ourselves and others towards.

Here’s another cool dimension that this opens up! Many times hope is linked to an expected outcome or result, that is mostly suiting our interests, our desires and it’s usually something good or positive in however we see or frame things. I’ll take the example of a person with a terminal illness and them waiting and hoping to get better, or their family members. So realistically, it is probably not possible for them to live much longer, but that certain outcome as death should not define ‘who they are’ in their every moment where they are still HERE, still alive, still breathing, yes with definitive problems in the functioning of their body, but there is in fact much more that we can still live of ourselves even in those worst case scenarios, and this is something that I’ve had the luck and opportunity to become recently aware of through the recordings on Eqafe from a dear friend that is sharing with us her process through Cancer, and needless to say that it has changed so much of my perception around the notion of pain and terminal illness that in a way it has assisted me to also dispel my own fears that I projected unto her and others that I see in such terminal-diseases, and realizing that there’s so much more to each one of ourselves, regardless of the physical ailments and impairments that we might or may go through in our lifetimes.

So, hope became a very convenient word to look at in relation to a process of ‘wishing someone to be well/get better’ – but in this I see that it makes much more sense to focus on a day by day basis, not to expect that ‘desired outcome’ as in ‘full recovery’ or ‘back to 100% health’ because that would be an illusion, but instead definitely focusing on living this hope as in sticking to the best aspects of ourselves, our strength, our courage, our transcendence of fears and limitations, which means actual work, a constant being and doing in every moment that we are here breathing, breathing life into life instead of giving it away to worry, fears or empty waiting modes.

I very much appreciate the work from Sunette at SOUL – School of Ultimate Living that has opened to us a myriad of possibilities to look at words and how to practically redefine them, it’s quite a gift to give to oneself once that one is ready and willing to support oneself to change in one’s day to day reality. So, this is here my sharing in honor of what I’ve learned from her and through her in the awesome videos that have been share thus far this year at SOUL. Please check them out!

If you reading this have other points open up for you in relation to hope, please share them! I’d like to read and expand more on possible aspects contained in this word ‘hope.’

And so I take these words I’ve written also to place into context the usual expectations on the new year, and how so whenever hearing or reading the word ‘hope’ one can use it as a ‘flag point’, a reminder that there are actual ‘doings’ attached to that word: it’s up to us to create it, to stand as that which we want to live by and create for ourselves. And so also here realizing that no matter how challenging, harsh and difficult situations might be –because let’s face it, that’s how reality is for the most part – we can decide who we are in those moments, and not allowing ‘the bad/the difficulties’ to define us, but rather decide who we are within ourselves while facing and walking through such moments, challenging ourselves to get past the wishful thinking mode and instead go straight into the actions that stand as solutions, as a clear determination of us deciding to live the best for ourselves and practically do it.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Recommended series that will certainly assist you in those difficult times in one’s life and health, but not limited to that either, gift yourself:

1.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 1

2.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 2

3.      Time is the Present we Gift Ourselves – Death Research – Part 3

4.      Cancer Becoming Emotional – Death Research

5.      Getting Yourself in Tune – Death Research

 

 Hope

 

I leave the post with a picture that is used by one of my favorite bands and it happens to be that, lol, I never quite got ‘the point’ with this image until now! Throughout the years I actually found myself more like judging or reacting to the fact that they usually have this word ‘hope’ as a constant in their presentations and related images to their music. However, now that I finished this blog and have grounded myself in this redefinition of the word ‘Hope’ I can see that the hammer in this illustration can be a representation of ‘the work to do’, the actual actions to live in order to create such hope in a supportive, realistic and sustainable manner, scaring away the ‘wishful whimsical thinking’ lol.

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


459. Meditation: What is Missing in it?

There’s a movie I recently watched called ‘Choice’ and it caught my attention because it is about meditation and people promoting its use because it has assisted them so much in their lives. So, the following is going to be my perspective based on the understanding and self-awareness that I’ve walked – meaning tested and proven – when it comes to meditation as a source to achieve some form of lasting and sustainable support in one’s life.

In the movie there were various cases where meditation was implemented by deeply troubled people, including prisoners in Mexico, homeless kids in another state here in Mexico and patients with terminal illnesses like Cancer creating supportive outcomes for them. The way it is presented it makes one totally believe that this is really ‘the key’ – and a particularly easy one – to just ‘breathe oneself’ into stability or calmness and making it look as if it is a cure to one’s problems, which I can only partly agree on.

Here I’d like to focus on what I have become aware of in my previous practice and experience with meditation where there was a part of me that also wanted such peace of mind through simply focusing on breathing or stilling my mind during my everyday reality. Over time I found that there were inevitable moments where I did create reactions toward people;  I tried to every single time keep my cool and ‘meditate’ myself into stilling my mind and reactions, which only worsened the points and it all accumulated into moments of ‘exploding’ in front of that person or situation in a very, shall I say, bad way because I was only trying to suppress my experience with just breathing and calming myself down, while not dealing with the actual cause and source of such experience.

As with most practices and applications I’ve tested throughout my life, I was very keen on focusing on meditation and trying to achieve some ‘higher state of consciousness’ which with my understanding now, it only means getting oneself even more suppressed into the mind which is a system, a consciousness system that is representing in fact not the best part of ourselves, it is in fact a system that exists based on relationships of friction and conflict generating emotions and feelings – in essence energy – that we have accepted and allowed to exist as it does, which is essentially feeding off from the body itself to generate such experiences which means, it exists in ourselves, it’s a part of us that we have to directly face/confront and directly change.

Yet one common mistake we make is trying to ‘shut the mind off’ and dissociate ourselves from our thoughts and calling them off as if they were not a part of ourselves that we have in fact accepted and allowed and Created in our minds! Including as well all of the experiences that we have in our bodies – whether we are aware or not – they are all indicating to us that they are a part of us, our creation, they are here to be recognized, understood to then walk them through a process of acknowledging self-responsibility for experiencing them. We by now all can agree how there are many experiences in our minds that are not supportive to our actual physical living. Because any experience at an energy level – whether positive or negative –will destabilize ourselves, it will cause consequences whenever we are moved by energy and not making effective living decisions based on common sense.

But, what happens when one tries to simply keep the mind shut and focus only on breathing? All of the mind’s information as thoughts, emotions, feelings will only get suppressed through ONLY doing the breathing process. Here what I’ve seen is how there’s really no encouragement of walking a process of developing self-awareness, self-recognition of acknowledging this as a part of ourselves, as something we can actually take direction on and physically change.

Focusing on breathing is I’d say an initial step in being able to develop a physical awareness in relation to ‘seeing the mind’ and not being moved by it or so immersed/lost into it. Though what I found in the documentary/movie is that there was no talk about understanding what those thoughts or emotional experiences expose or signify as a part of ourselves, how we are the creators of such aspects of ourselves and so how we have the responsibility and power/ability to change that through a process of direct self-awareness, using writing and the application of self-forgiveness to recognize who we are as those parts of ourselves that is bothering us, that is causing a consequence in our physical living, that is keeping us bounded and limited to a particular destructive behavior – we all know in ourselves which ones those are, we all have something to improve in our lives, that’s what we can in fact take a more directive role in re-designing if you will.

Because what happens when we only focus on ‘breathing’ and stopping the mind, is that we create a huge void, a huge disconnect when it comes to not actually doing the necessary investigation of those aspects of our minds that we are trying to stop, we are not actively directing ourselves to recognize those experiences as a part of ourselves to understand, acknowledge it so as to redirect or transform that experience into a word that we can live and so assist ourselves with in Creating ourselves – or ‘recreating’ ourselves – into the person, the being, the life that we actually want for ourselves.

What I found through actually taking the time and walking the process to investigate, get to know and deconstruct my mind is that for example, I had in fact anger in me that I had suppressed entirely, in layers and layers of believing that ‘everything is fine’ and believing that I was always ‘ok and fine’ in which I kept myself hiding from what I was in fact experiencing, which I was only to open up and confront through developing self-honesty which means in a nutshell, allowing myself to investigate, see, recognize and day by day work on self-forgiving/taking responsibility for those experiences in me, understanding their ‘reasoning’ behind it and so making direct and self-aware decisions to change those aspects in me, one by one, day by day.

What have been the results of me walking this process? Let’s put it this way, breathing becomes a constant point of self-awareness wherein I can still go observing who I am in my mind, become aware of the movements that emerge in myself based on particular situations I am in – however, based on having walked this process of self forgiveness for some years now, it is easier to embrace those aspects of myself, take responsibility for it and so directively change myself in relation to that. This means that I have become more stable and grounded in my body, in myself, I now know I can be the directive principle of what comes up in my mind and have tools/ways to understand it, sort it out as in creating a solution to change myself in the moment. This is a very active and self-aware process, in which breathing plays a role yes, but only as a constant reference of ‘being physical’ of reminding ourselves to ‘slow down’ – but only slowing down, only focusing on breath does not mean that we are actively changing who we are in thought, word and deed, but mostly only create a quietness that feels good, sure, but is not essentially us stepping in and taking responsibility for ourselves.

 

 

The principle behind this is very simple: when trying to only meditate, the effort is only one breath away, one can just ‘plug out’ with breathing and keep ourselves quiet in our bodies and minds for a while – but this becomes a way to avoid actually and genuinely facing Our creation which is what we’ve become in our minds, our experiences, our bodies and all of its illnesses. What happens when using ONLY meditation is that we are prone to recreate the same problems and origins of what caused us to seek meditation in the first place. Because in physical existence, nothing that we create is ever ‘gone by itself’ or ‘gotten rid of’ just by breathing it – there is a process, a self-aware and conscious process involved in doing this and that’s what I’ve walked through in the Desteni I Process for several years, which is actually a real process of effort, diligence, perseverance, drive and motivation to investigate oneself, all the corners and ‘dark corridors’ as the aspects of ourselves that we are reluctant to see and become aware of – and so take responsibility for.  Because we usually want quick fixes, nice fixes, feel good fixes such as it happens when using only meditation in an attempt to achieve real ‘peace of mind’ or ‘stability’ or ‘enlightenment’ or its various forms in which it is promoted.

Here, I am not saying that breathing is wrong or that it is useless or meditation is bad – nope, I’m being quite specific in saying that ONLY doing meditation in an attempt to genuinely correct/realign oneself to live in a supportive manner is most likely not the best way to go doing so, because of this effect of compounding energies that one suppressed only through breathing, yet one is not actively taking self-responsibility for oneself to deliberately change ‘that nature’ of ourselves that we can recognize is our creation, we have given it power/time/breaths through ourselves, therefore we can change that of ourselves and transform it  into a living word, a new behavior, a new way of ‘thinking’ if you will that is instead supportive for ourselves in our lives.

At Desteni it’s been always explained how breath is essential when it comes to that moment of becoming aware of having an experience, to then BREATHE so as to slow down, come back to our physical body – but this in itself is not the solution, one has to deliberately also investigate what came up within oneself, what did that thought, emotion or feeling represents as a part of oneself that we haven’t looked at/understood and so taken responsibility for, because we are still going to have to face what we have caused in our bodies, the reactions that we’ve triggered and actively deal with them. Like this quote from a Kryon interview on Eqafe.com explains:

 

“For example one can do this breathing, and move all of what one is experiencing within oneself into the chest area, and in the out-breath move it out… but what happens in that is that nothing will move because self is not making the decision to actually in fact move it. So you have to make that decision to move all that is existent within you that is overwhelming. Just breathe it in, into the chest area, make the decision from that moment to really let it go as you breathe out, and just physically move it out. It is like giving yourself an internal beingness-physical massage as the overwhelmingness moves out. This does not mean that the things are gone. Meaning that you are still gonna have to face what it is that created that overwhelmingness in the first place. All that this assists and supports with is to stabilize your beingness in your body so you can have a stable starting point again to face your mind. Because if it is that this in fact released everything, we could have just had all of humanity breathe their minds out. That would have been fantastic but unfortunately we have to face consequence, understand consequence and learn from it. So this is simply a practical physical assistance and support to get yourself to a stable physical point whenever your mind gets overwhelming, and then get back to how it is you got to that overwhelmingness in the first place. This is a similar process with regards to my beingness relationship to movement in terms of actually moving my beingness.”  Kryon – My Existential History – Part 5+6

 

This means that we usually tend to see our consequence – our experiences, our overwhelming emotions and feelings – as something that we want to get away from, ‘heal from’ through various healing and energy therapies, through meditation, through wanting to ‘remove’ our past lives or heal stuff somehow with all kinds of technologies and deceiving mechanisms really, because everything that we are, do and create in this world is etched in our bodies, in our environment and we can’t really get ‘rid of it’ through some external means, it has to be a personal self-aware/conscious process to do so, otherwise we are prone to create quick fixes and seemingly comforting experiences, only to then go back to the same reasons and experiences that led us to seek for those healings and therapies, wherein we then make ourselves dependent on an external source to ‘get rid of our consequence’ – which means here: we are once again abdicating our responsibility in seeking ‘external means and ways’ to have others or something ‘take the burden away from us’/make something ‘heal’ for us…. Isn’t that contradictory?

The bottom line of this process within Desteni is that one realizes one is the creator of it ALL, nothing and no one is really ‘separate’ from ourselves, nothing is really ‘out of our realm of responsibility’ – which means that the least we can do and start with is taking the actual time, dedication and responsibility it takes to walk our minds which means to get to know ourselves, to understand our relationships to energy, to understand why do we react in a ‘negative’ or ‘positive’ manner to certain things in our reality, to actively recognize this that we ‘dislike’ of ourselves or get discomforted by – including illnesses – as Our creation.

So, surely, breathing can be a point of support, it can feel great for a moment to focus on breathing, some 5 minutes a day – without having to ‘seat’ in a particular way or focus on any spiritual imagery – simply breathing and being with the body is definitely one challenge I can share with anyone here because then we will start realizing to what extent we are ‘hooked’ on our minds and experiences that ‘live for us’ instead of us understanding and directing ourselves to live physically, to live ourselves, to decide what to live instead of being moved by energies, fears, experiences of all kinds ‘up there’ in our minds.

Therefore as a complement to what people in this documentary propose and practice, which is breathing/meditation, is to focus on understanding such personal consequence that exists in all that our minds show us exists within ourselves, from the ‘minutest thought’ to the biggest of behavioral patterns and overwhelming experiences – it’s important to understand the ‘mind mechanics’ behind it all so as to not spiritualize or create a belief about what energy is, but physically understand what it is, its source and purpose and the role we have in relation to it: it’s all our creation and taking that responsibility for ourselves is surely one first and primary step to understand who we are, our creation and so recognize the actual power to change ourselves, in a self-aware manner, in a responsible manner, in an act of self-forgiveness which at the same time is a process of recognizing ourselves as the creators of our experiences, our reality, and so consciously and willingly make a decision to create/build/construct the kind of person and life that we want to live and lead as an example of.

Thanks for reading.  

 

Meditation

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:


452. Absolutism is in the Eye of the Beholder

 

One thing I have noticed throughout my life is how I tend to and have been very absolutist or extremist. This has led me to create my own conflicts whenever I try to ‘fit’ something into a very ‘black-and-white’ mindset where I don’t consider or allow shades of gray. And what I have not realized or considered is how it is only myself as my mind that is configured/set up to work this way, in an extremist and polarized manner where there is no further embracing of the multi-dimensions or multiple aspects/sides that exist to everything and everyone that is part of life on Earth.

A sentence that made me realize this with clarity was one of Anu’s statements on the explanation of the nature of our beingness and how to understand the ‘good and evil’ nature of who we are/have become and so seeing that, yes as much as it can be ‘narrowed’ down to saying ‘good and evil’, it also depends very much on ‘the eye of the beholder.’ This bit of sentence enabled me to realize how I am the one that can decide to see things in one way or the other; I can decide to remain in a narrow focus with which to approach people, situations, information and I am the one that places these very narrow and inflexible ‘frames’ upon everything, with which I then go categorizing, filing, defining something or someone according to these very absolutist, narrow, inflexible, extremist and short-sighted ways to be honest with which I had learned to see the world thus far. Why do I do this? For the sake of creating a notion of ‘knowing’ which gives a form of ‘control’ over something/someone or reality itself, because who we are in the mind seeks this kind of ‘power’ – lol – to know, to have already ‘digested’ and so concluded to have a particular view or conclusion about someone/something in reality; yet here I will share why I’ve realized this is actually not so at all.

What does this practically mean? It has a lot to do with having an ‘either /or’ mentality, it can be morality when having to define something as either entirely ‘good’ or entirely ‘bad’ and so kind of go making this ‘final judgment’ upon things. An example, there’s a ‘selection’ of foods that I eat now, yet with those same foods throughout time I have gone through a back and forth several times in wanting to ‘cross-out’ some of them based on defining them – according to knowledge and info – as ‘bad for my health’ and then I come across some other information and then I incorporate them again and place them on the ‘good for me’ list again… what is missing here?

To begin with I am following (fall-allowing) information only, I am not being the directive principle in testing things out for myself and seeing how my body does with each food, but instead I take the knowledge, make a religion out of it where I follow it as ‘how things work’ only to then have that same ‘religion’ be debunked by ‘another religion’ I can encounter on such as an explanation of how this particular food has been demonized by ‘mainstream health care’ information and the opposite effects are to be expected with this one food… and so where do I end up? Caught up in information, mis-informing myself based on how I blindly cut down my own practical investigation and immediately start following it, jumping from eating it all the time, to not eating something at all and vice versa.

This is what happens when we are looking at reality more through the eyes of information and making quick knowledge and information assessments on ‘how things work’ and missing out the practical physical reality testing out phase; and this is not only related to ‘deciding what to eat’ but it can be also related to people where we for example tend to immediately create an experience or very rough perspective on a person we just met based on what we ‘like’ or ‘don’t like’ in a 5 minute interaction… lol I mean this in itself already should speak volumes of how Narrow-viewed we are when immediately being very quick to upon 5 minute talks decide to like or dislike someone… here there is again this ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ approach in a polarized manner where we jump into conclusions, where we don’t allow ourselves any actual consideration of ‘another being’ in their entirety, their life context, who they are in the moment, the phase/situation of their life they’re at, their day, their physical experience in that moment of interaction, other/external factors to the interaction and a plethora of other aspects that we cannot even fathom exist in that one single moment of interaction with another.

Yet in our minds, we have not programmed ourselves to consider space-time physical reality and all of the multi-dimensions of it, nope. We only live ‘up there’ in our minds that in my case I’ve noticed works in this yes-no/ like-dislike / true-false/ right-wrong/ good-bad/ type of mentality, most likely it works like that in us all considering our minds work exactly the same.

So, here using the word ‘deliberately’ again as in making a conscious, considerate, intentional and willing decision to step out of the ‘absolutist’ mindset when it comes to how we are interacting with anything or anyone in our world. I have written about ‘assuming’ many times in this blog, because it precisely involves that ‘jumping into conclusions’, immediately ‘assessing’ things in this mind of mine, cutting-corners to expand my vision and just want a ‘quick outcome’ to then decide ‘who I am’ in relation to something or someone.

Therefore the correction and solution to this absolutist mindset that I’ve been applying is that whenever I see myself jumping into conclusions and wanting to frame something within an ‘either-or’ mentality, I have to take that deliberate step to consider the multiple dimensions, multiple factors about something or someone, and most of the time I’ve found it is actually quite enjoyable to kind of ‘prove me wrong’ in terms of seeing how actually narrow minded or tunnel-visioned I was when yes, going into a backchat about a person, a situation, a moment in reality where I am too quick to make a judgment and assessment of how I ‘qualify’ something or someone, instead of taking that moment to say “ok, can’t be black-and-white anymore, I’m stepping out of the absolutist/fascist mentality where I impose my own ‘view’ upon everything and everyone” – and this is thus the practical process of actually going embracing reality in its totality, whether it is a situation or event, a person I am interacting with, something I read/learn as knowledge and information, something that ‘happens in the world’ I mean, I’ve seen time and time again how we are all too quick to ‘side’ with one or the other side – usually it’s 2 based on our ‘binary’ system in the mind of polarities really, where there’s usually no space for multiple shades of gray.

See and this is where in a way this reminder of not being ‘black and white’ but dive into the multiple shades of grays is handy, because there’s in fact a lot of them– nope, not just 50 people, lol – and that is even a visual reminder so that whenever I see myself wanting to go from one extreme to the other, to take a moment to see further, to know more about the situation, person, information I am taking on, to test it out for myself, to engage more with a person for example and get to know who and how they are beyond a 5 minute interaction for example… asking more questions to really get to know who they are within the words that they speak and the statements that they make, it’s a whole different thing than just hearing something once coming out of their mouths and ‘filling out the blanks’ in our black-and-white mindset.

And so upon doing this, it is actually very cool to go expanding ourselves in really learning to See and Get to Know others, ourselves and so the reality that we create altogether and yes! Even understanding with more clarity the problems that we create based on how quickly we jump into our absolutist mindset, wherein then I can be the one point of solution and decide to go about life with a more ‘physical’ set of eyes, instead of only going mental doing this quick assessments of yes/no, love or hate and decide ‘that’s who we ultimately are’ in relation to something/someone.

As I said above, I actually enjoy being able to prove me wrong in my ‘rushed’ assessments about something, because it enables me to precisely go bit by bit letting go of this absolutist mindset and practically seeing how to start expanding or attaching these new ways of seeing/looking at things and people or situations in a more constructive way, in a more physical and real-time way other than ‘it’s either right or wrong’ type of thing.

It’s funny as well because throughout my life I actually disliked that people would only make a quick assessment on me based on certain ‘qualities’ that would be known by most, and yearned to be ‘truly known’ by another in a holistic manner, beyond what I was and represented as in my social environments or how people would usually ‘tag me’ as… and now I see that I had been reducing things/people/situations to that level of ‘either/or’ myself  for the most part, which proves the point of how we tend to project onto Others that which we haven’t yet done/been/lived for ourselves.

So, this is also a form of righteousness to let go of, where we usually believe that ‘others are the problem’ instead of being able to sit back and look within ourselves to see that we haven’t precisely yet given to ourselves or lived for ourselves that which we are commanding, yearning, asking others to be for us or do onto ourselves. So in a way here practicing the “give to myself first and be for myself that which I would like others to be and do onto myself as well”. It gives me first that step of responsibility to myself so that I can then stand as the expression of consideration, of expansion and embracing something someone in its multiple-qualities, factors and dimensions that we all are.

This has also been then a new starting point when meeting anyone and having even ‘one time only’ conversations where I genuinely enjoy getting to know them and kind of understand who they are, why they are what they are and even in a limited-time frame possibility also push myself to not make a quick ‘conclusion’ as to how I ‘frame’ the person, but learn to see another in their multiple-dimensions and facets and uniqueness that all of us are as human beings, and so not to jump into ‘defining’ another, but rather seeing them for that they shared/presented to me in that one moment, and that’s been very cool to do as well.

So now I have to also learn to do this with information as well, to not seek to quickly ‘figure things out’ or be driven to understand something ‘to the T’ to then decide ‘who I am’ or ‘how I relate’ to something or someone or in relation to a piece of information, but instead always integrate this consideration of the multiple shades of gray, the multiple dimensions or aspects that exist to something or someone, and that way I can go slowly but surely ‘dissolving’ or letting go of my own ‘caged’ mindset of polarities and extremes, and instead continue to learn how to embrace reality in its multiplicity, which is in fact another way of letting of of judging in general, stand down from our ‘personal court’ and ‘drop the case’ and ‘drop the charges’ lol. It is a decision for me to let go of the desire to control, to ultimately know, to tag, to define, to categorize…. and so embrace things as they are.

 

Thanks for reading.

 

 

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444. Self-Corruption: Jesus Calls!

Some months ago I had a dream where from afar I would see the book by Thomas Piketty ‘The Economics of Inequality’ on a table, and when getting closer to it, it sort of morphed into or became a book with quotes and principles said or provided by Jesus. This was somehow indicated as my ‘new project’ or point of focus. My reaction was that of ‘what? Jesus? Is it about Religion? No way!’ and woke up considering ‘the meaning’ of this dream without seeing much around it. Later on with a clearer mind I considered that maybe I should in fact get more back into the basic living principles that are the ‘building blocks’ of a new human kind-ness, instead of getting a bit too much into theories and knowledge of all the reasons why for example, our economy is not working and inequality is so prevalent… to name but one aspect of our reality that is spiraling into decay. At the time I didn’t give any further thought to it other than mentioning it to some of my friends/colleagues before we had a live hangout, and I let it pass.

But this same point came up today as I have been writing lately about this ‘greater picture’ approach and now it makes more sense to me. After the process I have described in the recent posts when it comes to diving into certain information about the world system and understanding the main patterns of the problems – often getting a bit stuck on the point of how ‘to make it work, it is the human being that has to change’ – I’ve come to realize the importance to focus more or emphasize revising and so making of the living principles or ‘golden rules’ – as they are usually called – more of a practical living ‘philosophy’ for a lack of a better word,  and see how through applying those principles/words in my own life and sharing that process can encourage others to consider these same principles as the ways, methods and solutions to sort out/correct or align the consequential outflows or problems in our reality.

This comes through following the patterns and the ‘human imprint’ in all of the problems existent ‘out there in the world system’ which are very much created and perpetuated by our daily actions – or inactions – individually and so collectively, considering that each one of us one thread in the entire fabric of this reality. This implies acknowledging and recognizing the need for each one of us to focus on our self-change through living these principles of doing to others as we’d like to be done onto, learn to love ourselves and so love/care for others as an extension of ourselves, give to others as we’d like to receive as well, seeing this interdependence that exists between one another where each one of us holds that potential to be a ‘life changer’ and essentially that ‘change’ we have been waiting for as a form of miracle: it won’t ever come if we don’t actively work on it.

So instead of creating a specialization or emphasizing just ‘one aspect’ of our reality, like for example money and economics and all its theory, problems and seemingly ‘unfixable’ current state of affairs –  which is a consequential outflow from the principles we haven’t yet lived within our lives and toward one another – we can start practicing tracing money/economics/politics back to self, which means to follow the creational lines of a particular system, structure, mechanism that ‘rules our lives’ as ‘the system’ back to the very human thinking process and behavior that led to its creation and laws.

An example is how the current theory known as ‘economics’ and its flawed existence that has proven to not be of any real service to the benefit of life, is in fact a mirror of everything that we have all neglected in our very own minds, bodies, lives, relationships between one another and toward the environment and precisely depicts the ‘nature’ that we’ve all mostly become: self interested, greedy, looking for the least effort and maximum profits, competing to ‘be at the highest level’ at the expense of others… and the list goes on. Economics currently exist as the reflection of everything that we have not changed or decided to live up to in order to coexist in harmony, in real recognition of our equality as life – instead each one of us when living in such self-interest and survival mode have co-created our current economic systems that are not meant to fulfill everyone’s necessities and capabilities, but maintaining some above others = which is precisely reflecting how we think, act, behave and decide to do in our lives, always looking for a personal benefit, something to take advantage of, something to control, which are traits we all have within our minds.

In approaching our reality within this ‘greater picture’ perspective, we no longer diminish ourselves into this tunnel vision fixated on ‘everything that is wrong with politics or economics or wall street’ but start broadening the spectrum to see that those very same ‘qualities’ that those systems represent and have become, are existent in all of us in varying degrees, which makes us all invariably the source and origin of the problems in the world. Now this is not actually something to get really sad or depressed about either, lol, but it is in fact great news and I’ll continue to explain why with an example.

One of the most common words or problems we single out as the reason why ‘politics’ or ‘economics’ or just ‘anything in the world’ don’t work as it could or should is Corruption, which curiously enough was pronounced by the pope today as  ‘more addictive than drugs’ and so one of the ‘greatest crimes’ as well… but, do we usually question ourselves how corruption exists within us?

The other day I placed this idea to one of my family members, about  how we tend to focus so much on ‘corruption’ out there embedded ‘by default’ in the name of our president, or the bankers, or the corporate executives … really, making of ‘them’ the ‘human piñatas’ to kick and blame for everything that we haven’t dare to take responsibility for and in doing so, we get away with murder by avoid seeing how corruption Does exist within each one of us, regardless of being or not being part of such ‘elites’.

So when I mentioned to this person how corruption has its origin within ourselves, he simply placed a serious face as if I was in fact making a bit of an insult to him, because this person may perceive himself to be a regular honest and hard working person. I noticed that sharing these ideas to try and all of a sudden open up deeper layers of understanding of how ‘what exists within ourselves creates our without,’ is not such an effective process in ‘making others see what this practically means.’ And as I continued the conversation I mentioned how we all have our false-self-consciousness where we like to regard ourselves in this ‘goody-two-shoes’ light where: we do nothing wrong, we are exemplar individuals or at least we like to believe ‘we do not harm others’ and ‘we work hard and honestly for what we have’ which one would then accordingly conceive as yes, an integral person that has no participation in corruption. But! This is also still a limited understanding of what corruption in fact means as a trait that we’ve all applied and lived in our lives.

corrupt

n   adjective

1   willing to act dishonestly in return for money or personal gain. Øevil or morally depraved.

2   (of a text or a computer database or program) made unreliable by errors or alterations.

3    rotten or putrid.

 

Now that we are aware of this meaning, I’d like to ask if we willingly and voluntarily ever dare to and direct ourselves to dig into those ‘dark corridors’ within ourselves where we in fact keep a hold of certain desires, fantasies, ideas of what is good for ourselves only – and here I can expand it to not only focus on this  personal gain as a monetary or experiential ‘good stuff’ – but I bet that we all can relate to also keeping ourselves trapped in cycles of self-deception, like maintaining a particular experience of disempowerment, depression, sadness or anger which is also a form of self-dishonesty where we limit ourselves and our potential as well, because we are corrupting our individual and so collective potential by holding on to a particular experience of disempowerment, of blame, of anger, of making others the ‘bad guys’, instead of focusing on what we can do and become to benefit ourselves and so others around us too.

Here doesn’t matter if we hold on to a positive or negative experience or idea of ourselves, the point to understand here is that we have all corrupted ourselves in the name of some personal gain or interest, no matter how ‘big’ or how many ‘millions’ or no millions are involved in it, because we tend to only associate the word ‘corruption’ with politicians, bankers, corporate people, leaders of any sort which usually leads to ‘blaming others’ and that story is a bit of a broken record for us all by now, really.

Here I’d like to entirely focus on the corruption of self, or ‘self-corruption’ that is essentially any form of acts, words, deeds in self-dishonesty, meaning where we are willing to compromise ourselves and others in the name of some form of personal gain or self-interest, even if those thoughts/words and deeds are detrimental to our lives. Let’s not forget that the word ‘evil’ is the reverse of ‘live.’

 

Here I’ll place an example I can share which relates to not taking the point ‘back to myself’ when it comes to precisely standing in my ‘goody two shoes’ stance of ‘seeing the corruption only outside of myself’ in the form of ‘the corrupt politicians,’ the ‘corrupt elites,’ the ‘corrupt CEO’s’ and the rest of it, with which I would in fact stand in this apparent ‘purity’ of sorts believing myself to ‘not be like them at all!’ and even having the guts to insult some of them, just because I felt that I could due to ‘what they were doing onto us!’  (blame character) while perceiving that I was in fact the most honest and transparent person I could ever know.

Well, this is that kind of ‘false-self-consciousness’ where we love to veil the truth of ourselves in order to keep kicking the same ‘human piñatas’ we’ve made to blame for all things going wrong or not working out. Little did I dare at that time to ever take the finger back to myself and see how by becoming angry, by calling names, by believing that I had to be the one ‘pointing their problems out’ through becoming a sort of ‘intellectual’ around certain topics to ‘expose’ ‘all the flaws’ I was not in fact creating any form of solutions at all, I in fact was doing it in this self-interest which is the mechanism of ‘trumping others’, of seeing myself ‘knowledgeable’ enough to ‘have a say’ on everything that is ‘wrong’, and so using this knowledge or awareness of things as a way to place myself on my own ‘purity’ and ‘clarity’ self-built pedestal where I comfortably blinded myself from recognizing that I, in fact, was as much of a participant in all those things I have criticized in ‘those’ that I have pointed fingers at as ‘the problem.’

 

In other words, I didn’t acknowledge that I was by default and almost by ‘virtue’ of having a human mind already self-dishonest. And that I continued to corrupt myself, my potential when standing in that ‘self-created pedestal’ of apparent honesty and purity or ‘positive light’ as in ‘not being part of the problem’ or even perceiving myself as ‘being part of the solution’ for being aware of the problems in the world, yet never, ever willing to take it one step further and recognize how it was in fact myself in how I ‘operate’ in my own mind that I had lived in a corrupt manner all my life, always – if not openly, secretly or in a veiled form, seeking to blame and point the finger ‘outside’ of myself, never daring to question my own fears, my own desires, my own ‘traits’ and ways of manipulating others, controlling, seeking my personal benefit, cheating, seeking recognition or importance or ‘just getting angry’ about things as a form of righteousness and so, a form of self-corruption, because! When one has this false-consciousness of ‘others are all wrong and I am right’ one in fact becomes a righteous person that is really difficult to get out of the ‘vicious cycle’ from, because one can justify being right all the time with really good structures of words and ideas and knowledge here and there to keep this ‘idea of self’ in an ‘uncorrupted manner’ or ‘in a good intentions light’ – but, I must say that this leads nowhere but to inflate an ego that is hard to pop and would most likely lead to a very rough landing, yet a very necessary one if we are to recognize what it means that ‘them’ are ‘us’ to and that the ‘mess’ of the world is our very own mirror = my-error too.

I’ve described myself having this ‘haughty position’ which is the same as being righteous, inflexible, intolerant, very critical and judgmental specially towards what is commonly named as ‘the system,’ I almost would rejoice myself in being able to – excuse me but it is so – talk shit about others as politicians or world leaders or religious leaders and ‘their ways’ in which one creates this superiority construct that emerges from in fact having felt disempowered toward ‘them’ too, but that’s another story and layer of personality where we place ourselves ‘above’ others through insulting/taking revenge and the rest of forms of violence for a particular pseudo-empowerment.

Here in this example, my self-corruption can be described as this personal veil of ‘goodness’ in the guise of being apparently ‘knowledgeable’ enough to see the problems and how they were caused by x, y and z but! Never by myself, ever… well here I was in fact perpetuating the corruption in the world where one is not willing to recognize one’s own personal desires for certain ‘gain’ – material or not –  for a personal interest in the form of an experience, a fantasy, a dream of grandeur which can even be disguised in certain seemingly ‘good ways,’ like wanting to do ‘good to the world’ while secretly wishing to also sink the ones I had defined as ‘the bad guys’ in the worst of prisons or ‘hells on Earth’ possible as a way to ‘trump’ them so to speak, and rejoice in the thought of that. Yikes! Isn’t that actually quite the ‘evil’ in me that I was really blind to see and acknowledge because I was holding on to this ‘goody two shoes’ person that ‘wants to fight for justice and equality’? Yes, it is, it’s the ‘evil’ that we rarely – if at all – dare to see within ourselves, and this is precisely the kind of corruption I am here to open up and also dare each one of you reading this to also start doing for yourself.

It was only when I dared to open up this ‘secret mind’ of mine where I held all of these laudable self-indulgences as ‘dreams’ for myself, disguised as ‘good causes’ where yes, I did may have wanted to ‘do good’ and even portray myself as some kind of ‘liberator for the people’ lol! But, at the same time, hide the fact that I would mostly rejoice at ‘trumping’ or ‘vexing’ and ‘ripping apart’ the plans of those that I was blaming for ‘all the bad in the world’ and so, seeing them suffer which equals taking revenge.

But! If someone would have asked me: hey are you full of hate and desire for revenge to those that you see as the problem in the world? I would have most likely said “Noooo, I just want to focus on doing good stuff!” And here! Ladies and gentleman is where the self-corruption begins, where we are not really daring to see the truth of ourselves.  See how this all was very nicely packaged, I’ll use Sunette’s recently used words: ‘like swords disguised as flowers’ where I veiled off my own ‘evil’ with seemingly ‘good intentions.’ I guess this is partly why it is said that ‘the road to hell is paved with good intentions’ for one of these reasons where if one is not entirely clear, stable, without a single judgment or desire or fantasy achievement ‘for oneself’ as one’s ego, we are prone to simply recreate or become/take the place of those that we have criticized or have wanted to debunk the most.

I’m glad I have been able to see this with such clarity now because I was on my way to becoming that kind of person that would stand in continuous ‘defiance’ toward the system, in an angry manner yet possibly feeling very disempowered and most probable very lost in my own personal life. In this, I’ve also found how we tend to create a false-sense of ‘empowerment’ with knowledge, information, anger toward ‘those that we point the fingers at to blame for everything that is wrong’- according to us – and perceive that we are ‘above’ them in our minds by doing so… inflating the knowledgeable ego and in fact not realizing that this is the perfect recipe to keep ourselves all divided and conquered, because we recreate the same division where we don’t think of all of humanity as oneself, as Self, as equals in fact in living substance, but we like to keep fighting against oneself disguised as ‘others’ and this way, we won’t ever, ever get anywhere.

What did it take to unveil the ‘self-corruption’? Courage, it takes courage to be self-honest, and realizing that what I was holding on to was my own ego, delusions of power, delusions of superiority that kept me also quite fearful, sad and depressed at the same time, always thinking in those ‘greater realms’ of reality and not really focusing on the living-breathing-me that is here: my life, my mind, my body, my day to day activities, my relationships, my living purpose.

I’d say this is one of the layers of self-corruption where we neglect so much of ourselves when focusing more on the outside as a form of distraction to not ‘focus on self’ first of all, and that is self-corruption as well, neglecting our own self-responsibility to our own minds and life trying to ‘fix it all’ out there and not daring to have a good honest look at our lives, the ways we live, the kind of relationships we have, what we decide to buy/eat, how we relate to others, how we do our jobs, what motivates us every day to wake up… The same goes if one focuses too much on one’s ‘internal’ dreams and desires and neglects the outside, same story, it’s self-corruption because we go pursuing everything that we have believed will ‘fulfill our lives,’ not realizing that we won’t ever genuinely ‘be happy’ in this world as long as there are other beings having the worst ‘living’ experiences and having no support at all to overcome their position, because! We haven’t regarded them as our equals and given them what we want for ourselves too. See again how the ‘problems’ reflect back our very own ways of thinking and currently interacting in our reality?

I understand that this might be a seemingly disempowering point, where we can get to see the core and origin of all the problems ‘out there’ existing within ourselves, as ourselves, but it is in fact not at all so. If anything now we know it is us that have to develop such self transparency, self integrity, self honesty, self investigation, diligence, dedication to change at an individual level to live and recognize this potential and ‘power’ as a capacity and ability that we all have in our lives if we dare to truly work on our inherent self-corruption and align ourselves to live by principles to in essence, consider what is best for our lives and that of others, how we can become the example of everything that we preach and say ‘should be the new nature of the world’ out there. This takes time, takes effort, takes walking through our minds and all its challenges which I must be honest here: won’t be easy, but it has to be done if we are genuinely wanting to change this ‘corrupted’ world starting with ourselves.

My last suggestion is thus to start with investigating where corruption exists within you/self, instead of perceiving that corruption only exists ‘out there’ or in the form of some ‘manipulative and controlling evil people’ and in doing so, challenging this tendency we all have of keeping seeing ourselves under this ‘good light’ all the time, which if one actually dares to see, whenever we want to focus on the good only and not dare to or want to see the actual ‘dishonesty’, the actual ‘dirt’ that exists within us so to speak = indicates we are mostly existing in fear, which is probably also what leads to corruption in the first place, existing in fear of others, in fear of ‘not getting any’, fearing lack, fearing betrayal and so not trusting ourselves or others.

We recreate the same corruption over and over again by fearing seeing the truth of ourselves, that’s the first layer of self-corruption that is necessary to look at, where we deny or neglect seeing ‘the unpleasant’ stuff, the ‘dirty laundry’ that sometimes we even don’t dare to open up for ourselves. And let me tell you that it is actually really liberating and self-empowering to start opening up these ‘dark corridors’ and ‘hidden spots’ in our minds to first take all of those judgments we’ve spitted out toward others back to ourselves, asking oneself: where have I sought my own personal interest? Where and how have I lied to remain in a particular seemingly ‘comfortable position’ to not change myself? Where have I pretended to care about something and not really ‘caring’ but wanting to see myself in a ‘good light’ all the time? Where do I perceive that I am the only one that is ‘right’ about things? Where do I want to do good and at the same time ‘punish’ others for the ‘bad things’ they have done? Where do I want to ‘gain the most’ with the ‘least effort’? And the list goes on.

It is certain that one can only get to see this ‘clarity’ of ourselves by walking our minds and that means learning to see ourselves, to learn how to function without being controlled by our seemingly ‘uncontrollable emotions and feelings’ and dare to face and change the really self-corrupted ways that we have veiled off as ‘normal’ or ‘good parts’ within ourselves. We All have to do this if we want to truly stop the current usual ways of pretending change comes from this or that thing/person ‘out there’ only, it is about ourselves, one by one, so let’s get to wash some dirty laundry at home first.

This then goes back to how focusing on living principles, the golden rules, basic principles of self-honesty and – very important – self forgiveness is the way to fix ‘the greatest problems in the world’ such as corruption in our ‘economy’ or ‘inequality’ and so forth… now I consider that maybe that dream did have a point after all, where it is in fact so that we have to stop the delusional ‘cartoon’ image of Jesus and all the rest of nice stories and focus on the living principles, what they imply, how to live them.

Thanks for reading

 

Economics of Inequality - Living Principles

 

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 – The Crucifixion of Jesus

 

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442. Back To Self: My Current Story

Today I’d like to share some things that I have been realizing for quite some time in relation to the process I’ve walked thus far in terms of, to put it simply, focusing a lot more on what’s happening ‘out there’ as the world, the problems outside of us, investigating and educating myself on how the systems in this world work and who we are as individuals within it all. I’ve spent a fair amount of time researching solutions, alternatives, groups, information, talking to people promoting and creating these solutions, a lot of it having to do with me having this drive to ‘find some way, somehow, to create a solution for humanity, for all the reasons we all know of course.

Here I begin by stating how I see that this is a relevant thing to do for each of us as human beings, to really put our time and effort to learn, educate ourselves on things one won’t ever get taught in schools/universities, like in my case even now getting to know that the people that were set as these ‘great figures’ in literature and art have been essential individuals in precisely creating and configuring also many of the cultural – excuse the word – fuckups we are living in right now, to place it mildly as mind control and behavioral entrainment. This is just one example based on what I studied in school only, though the same applies for all things related to politics, economy, sociology, culture, entertainment, sports… the list goes on, everywhere one can spot the exact same patterns ‘polluting’ the expression of something that we all could be living in this world if we were entirely self-aware and self-directive individuals.

Well, I just made the whole story short right there. For a long time I considered the focus on the ‘internal change’ as something of less importance or rather considering that some were ‘petty’ things or ‘meaningless’ when comparing them to and considering the ‘greater things’ that I conceived to be more relevant in (my) life, like un-convering the truths about money or getting to know who is who in the world of corporate ruling, the ins and outs of corruption in politics and so forth… again I still don’t see this as entirely irrelevant either, but I do see that in my mind I definitely had placed more emphasis on that ‘side’ a lot more while seeing ‘who I am within it,’ but at the same time also expecting that if any ‘real’ solution would emerge in this world, it would be implemented through a new money system, new political system, something ‘new’ or improved version of our current reality imposed ‘from the outside’ which is kind of funny now to see it that way – but hey, it takes also time/space to get to this understanding – of how essentially the world outside of ourselves is as fucked up as each one of us inside is. Surely, won’t apologize for the big words, because that is the stark reality of things in this world. I noticed time and time again whenever one uncovers any ‘solution’ or ‘alternative’ of some kind, or even general information on understanding ‘the problems’ of the world, the same old patterns of blaming some ‘they/them’  arise everywhere, placing this finger onto some kind of greedy/elitist/oligarchy and royal creators of the fuckup – not ever seeing any ‘me’ included in all of that information – and essentially also seeing how getting a little too much information creates this separate entity where one becomes maybe a bit too ‘knowledgeable’ about things, but, how much of it can one directly apply in one’s life today to make our day to day living better? And here I’m talking about very basic considerations like the way we relate with people in our environment, our decisions in what we eat, how we care for our bodies, how we communicate with others…. Etc. Simple ‘day to day’ stuff.

I can only say that through understanding the problems, one can also spot and trace the solutions as I have shared some of that throughout the years in these blogs that were also more related to the world ‘out there’ and I’m grateful that I’ve walked that point too. But more so than ever now, right now,  I am convinced that as much as it is important to continue seeing what changes happen ‘out there’ in politics or economics and so forth, as long as the self, the I, the ‘me’ in all human creations and equations is not changed = nothing will ever truly really change.

I gave to someone the example of how sometimes we focus so much on creating this super nice system ‘out there’ that is like a brand new pair of shoes, very nicely brushed and polished and brand new laces ready to be placed on a pair of feet. But, if that pair of feet has grown completely crooked because of having had an entire lifetime of having no shoes, shifting more to an enlarged proportion because of not ever having such structure – or being somewhat crooked for having no specific support while developing/growth process – then, fitting such shoes will be quite a push, a conflictive situation most likely because as a saying goes in Spanish ‘a  la fuerza ni los zapatos entran’ which means with force, not even the shoes really fit. This brings back to the point of how I was probably expecting this greatly aligned structure or societal system that could suddenly be voted on and implemented to just get ourselves to a ‘better place’ as humanity, surely not as a magic fix but as a starting point… I still can keep this idea as a nice hope if anything, but time and time again and upon seeing the actual process of time/space any change takes, I’ve decided to conclude that of course this won’t happen in my lifetime most likely and even if it does, I’m sure as hell there will be LOTS of work to do to focus on the self, the ‘personal education’ if you want to call it that which is essentially learning how to live as a real human-kindness.

On another aspect upon being myself part of a group and organization that is aiming at doing this at the best way of our ability, it is equally challenging when having the same principles or considerations to entirely put aside any personal patterns/limitations toward one another and individually to make something work, this is just the reality of things and it takes real effort and support from each other to keep standing and walking together, takes a real empathy and consideration each one of us to do so.  At the same time, I’ve seen how some great ideas, groups, political and social movements, associations for world change eventually stumble upon problems, obstacles, inner fights and struggles due to – mostly – personal egos clashing, differences between one another, power trips, greed, righteousness, individualism, resentments, comparisons, envies, control-freakism …. The list really does not end here. Some other problems are not all ‘negative’ but also implying ‘lacks’ like lack of trust with other human beings to create and develop something, lack of proper communication, lack of commitment, lack of considering responsibility in long term, lack of self-respect, lack of care, lack of humbleness, lack of motivation…. And the list also goes on.

So, throughout these past months and upon reflecting this, I realize that we definitely got a massive task at hand when it comes to considering ‘change’ in humanity and this world, and that is precisely starting within ourselves. I have been time and time again investigating things, seeing potentials and then only later on finding out the ‘nitty gritty’ details of some personal dispute in an organization, a lack of commitment, greed, self-sabotage, plain anger, depression, desire for only getting a pleasurable lifestyle being some of the obstacles to make something really work. And this was actually quite cool to see and realize, in spite of what it means in terms of ‘things not working out’, because I then saw how those organizations and solutions that truly work ‘to the T,’ are those that are currently running most of the ways in the world, and every person motivated there is being so because of money, huge profits, huge benefits, ‘great lifestyles’, power, control… yet when something truly implies working on an almost volunteer basis or simply doing what could be considered as ‘giving your time’ to something that is not immediately pleasurable or ‘nice’ in experiential value, it mostly doesn’t work because we simply haven’t learned to prioritize what really matters to be and do in our world.

So, this is how I saw the need to shift my focus and attention Back To Self, back to the very patterns at a mind level which of course become behaviors, patterns, ‘ways’ in which we interact with others and ‘who we are’ within ourselves that is really THE point that we have to turn our heads back to focus on. I enjoy having discussions with my partner about this/that system or solution or proposal here/there that could apparently ‘sort out the world’  and how eventually making it work would really, truly, depend on each one of us to make it work, to live according to the principles intended to be lived/applied in some of these solutions.  Time and time again we just end up saying the exact same words of ‘the lack of self honesty ruins this/that’ or ‘really, it all goes back to ourselves again’ ‘it’s about human nature change!’ or ‘any system will only be as good as the people in it’ wherein it IS human nature that – from my perspective and after all of these years of looking mostly ‘outside’ of myself and creating a form of ‘hope’ in that – we should focus on changing: ourselves.

Remember that saying of ‘be the change you want to see in this world?’ I consider I didn’t entirely get it before, I was more like considering it as in ‘investigate all that you can to find the solution out there, do your part in it!’ which surely, again, it’s cool and honorable as well to care at that level… but over and over again I see the lack of common sensical considerations which are embedded in principles like doing and considering what is best for everyone, considering everyone as equals in living substance, doing, sharing, assisting others as I would like to be shared with, assisted with and done unto, loving/caring for others as I am learning to love/care for myself, to develop effective relationships with those that are in our immediacy, learning how to be a supportive parent, to learn how to become a better person that stands with self-awareness, integrity, self-respect, self-care, self-honesty, dedication, commitment, discipline, humbleness, perseverance and a great determination to truly become an example in this world of what it means to become a living breathing human being.

These are truly ‘great words’ and I surely got a long way to get these words lived as ‘who I am’ meaning as the new ‘nature of me’ I am willing to create for myself – but I will say it until I give my last breath as I learned also from Bernard Poolman: unless we focus on ourselves, to align every bit of our being to stop the ‘sabotage’ or ‘mind patterns’ that exist within us that we reflect on the nature of ‘the outside’ as world system: nothing will ever change. Here it can sound too ‘radical’ for some, but I rather share it than keep it ‘brewing’ in my insides. I rather leave it here as a declaration and statement of where I stand, what I am mostly interested on and so focused on, having in a way gone all around just to get back to this core point, which is cool because now it stands as a proven fact, nor only a statement or theory I got.

Here I’ve also taken my time to write this out because I’ve been deliberately almost wanting to ‘prove myself wrong’ in such declaration, in the sense of wanting to actually find something that truly works because every person is in fact embodying the principles and alignments that are intended as a form of solution or aid for the world. It is hard to find one, dare I say it is non-existent as of yet. Why? Because it is only fairly recently that we have ‘woken up’ from the slumber of being these programs running around seeking self-interest only and caring little to nothing about ‘the world out there’, dare I say even question the kind of ‘motivations’ we use to wake up every day. And even if there’s been people that have spent their lives trying to make a change or have lived in a principled and considerate manner for their entire lives – just as it happened with Jesus – just ‘listening to them’ and seeing how ‘nice’ it all sounds does nothing, because unless one actively ‘gets the point’ and commits to be that living change within oneself, it all becomes futile when it comes to creating a great impact ‘out there’ for a greater change.

Here also I reflect on how it’s a bit funny when I look back at how I wanted to see this kind of change in some form of ‘same movement’ or ‘en masse’ in some kind of sudden and empowering life changing event, lol. Nope! Most likely won’t ever happen like that. Instead it will be this individual process of actual evolution/revolution/change if you will, where each one that decides to ‘get the point’ of what it means to ‘be the change in the world’ will genuinely be and live so by substantiating our day to day lives with words, attitudes, behaviors, ‘ways of being’ toward ourselves and others and everything that we do in a way that we go day by day becoming a better person, in the considerations of the principles mentioned above. This way, I am quite certain, we can truly change the world. Because the more and more people realize what kind of atrocities exist within our minds, in our personal relationships with those around us – yes, those that we are supposed to ‘care for and love for’ but might be struggling to have a decent communication with – are in fact THE problems to focus on and sort out first of all, if we are to ever create a healthy path and way for the coming generations to step in a more self-responsible type of culture and society in general.

What I also like about this approach is that you don’t need to have a particular ‘affiliation’ with anything either, unless you can/want to do so, but it is simply a set of principles and considerations that one can live and apply no matter where you are in the world, how alone or how accompanied you live, what ideologies you may have, what systems or projects you might be involved in = doesn’t matter! These are all universal considerations so that no matter ‘what’ or ‘where’ one is, one can apply these points and be part of the change in this world, just by deciding to make some changes in one’s life and actually doing so.

In this I’ve also proven that one can understand many things about the world out there, trace all problems back to money, which is really the way we have created, accepted and allowed money to exist and behind it lies the rest of the human ways that are in fact the root and cause of the problems in this world, and that is where I realize time and time again the focus should be on as well and in this, doesn’t matter how well one can understand the theory: if we are not really seeing within ourselves the ‘qualities’ that we’ve given to money itself, if we are not seeing ourselves as the origin of the problem and so realizing ourselves as the origin of the solution = it will be quite hard to get us all to the ‘next step’ for this process of self-responsible living change, which is really not only a matter of intellectually realizing it and getting an ‘aha’ realization, it’s an actual challenging day to day ‘doing’ which is where the ‘proof of the pudding’ is… knowing the ingredients and ‘way to make’ is one thing, surely important part but! What matters is really the ‘making’ of it.

It’s good to get informed, get to know the intricacies of our reality, get to know essentially what one has accepted and allowed without any awareness, and to continue to be aware of the actual purposes of most of the stuff we get to see on ‘mainstream’ waves and in our common realities – but I’d recommend to also at the same time do the personal self-check of always tracing those points/patterns that lead to a general human/systemic sabotage back to self, whether they are greed, deception/lies, self-interest, self-indulgence, perversion, dishonesty, laziness, racism, a slave mentality, doing the least effort, seeking personal satisfaction only, despotism, selfishness, fighting, punishing, keeping grudges, comparing…. Etc. all of these points can be traced ‘back to self’ and see well where do I stand in relation to all of these principles, how can I truly stand as a self-responsible individual, how can I also learn to actually live, how can I expand and grow as a person and assist others in doing the same? And when looking at this, I can say that I’ve barely started, which is great! Because then it is all pointed back to myself, I have the key to change these aspects for me by me and within me no matter ‘where I am’ in the world, or ‘what I do’ – this is about changing the nature of who I am in my own personal work, my own day to day living wherein every moment is either an opportunity to change, live and prove a way to better oneself, to become creative in simple things in our lives – or it becomes another day of re-living the past, the tormented mind, the depression, the ‘struggle’ and or the ‘hopeful’ and self-saboteur  character expecting something/somehow to suddenly – faithfully, hopefully – fix the world?

 

For now where I stand is actually probably for the first time in this entire self-support process, focusing more on the ‘me’ here, the ‘little things’ in myself and my personal life and in doing this also extending it to whoever I can and am able to, doing as I would like to be done unto.

For example, I can say I am for the first time developing a supportive relationship. Sounds simple, for some might sound as too selfish or self-interested or losing ‘ground’ when it comes to my previous approach also to this blog, which are in fact my own thoughts of the past too in considering ‘there are more relevant things in life than my petty life’ but! I’ve proven myself wrong: the more I focused on the ‘outside’ or what I perceived as ‘greater’ or perceived ‘more important things’ the more I escaped or avoided myself from looking within and actually facing oneself in a situation such as a relationship where a LOT of patterns, behaviors, selfishness, righteousness, greed, emotional reactions, forms of control can come up and emerge to be faced within oneself, which can either become a nightmare or a ‘blessing’, depending of where one is in one’s personal process as well. And here again tracing the line back to how these same ‘ingrained ways’ have become the ways/methods and the nature of the ‘systems’ that we are currently accepting and allowing ourselves to be ruled and governed by in the outside, well why? Of course because they are human creations! J

I am entirely willing to walk this point and for first time learn to trust myself in a relationship for example, for the first time be willing to challenge ‘my ways’ – which oh boy are they ‘ingrained’ and in all little subtleties or seemingly ‘menial’ things that us human beings tend to simply little by little ‘brush aside’ to focus on ‘the greater’ – and dare to embrace another person in my life and what that in fact means in a dedicated manner.  And this extends to other areas like focusing on developing a supportive relationship with my body, with the people around me, my family, to give the best of myself in my work and the support I can provide to others, to commit to apply myself even in the most ‘routinely’ moments that we don’t question much yet reveal a lot of ‘what is ruling inside us’ as well, to not give into the least effort, but to genuinely see what expression of myself do I want to create today that is beneficial for me and so others as well.

 

Someone may consider or say I am missing the point of walking both points simultaneously, within and without, and surely that’s a great approach, but It would be mostly awesome if that ‘within’ approach is equally emphasized as the outside process that sometimes, might be perceived as the only point that needs change or as a ‘short cut’ for self or personal change, which I consider it will be really difficult to happen unless! It happens and I am entirely proven wrong, which would be actually very awesome at the same time and then I would be able to expand my current perspective. But for now, I simply share here how we/us human beings can end up wrecking up the smartest and best solutions that can exist as a plan/project or ‘on paper’ idea due to not having been in fact living the actual principles embedded within these beneficial ideas… so I place back the finger to us and our human nature to focus on.   

The single decision to do personal changes in our day to day whether it is a particular experience of fears, depressions, anguish, blame, discomfort in ‘one’s own skin’ that one might be facing, an addiction, a lack of will to care for one’s body, a disregard for another in our lives, a ‘bad relationship’ … just by taking this one point and walking it through to a point of change and alignment to what is best for all might take some time, can’t tell ‘how long’ but who cares really!? It is a matter of self-respect to decide to do so, it is the decision to do so and live such decision that which matters the most from my perspective, to not only ‘try’ and give up next day, but actually ‘doing it’ fully with the whole intent of truly becoming ‘a new person’ that can then be the example, the ‘first stone in the flesh’ of creating a new society, a new world where everyone is truly caring and loving each other.

It is for those genuine decisions to gather courage to face the real ‘evil’ within oneself, to get out of one’s comfort zone and commit oneself to change, to focus on ‘bettering oneself’ or ‘working on oneself,’ being diligent in letting go of one’s ‘mind patterns’ or ‘ego’ – for a lack of better word – that I actually take my hat off for, because this is what takes the actual courage and most challenging situations to do, where the actual day to day and moment to moment ‘tests’ exist that truly can change our ‘wood’ so to speak, the nature of what ‘we’re made of’ and have been up to now if we decide so. Doing this would, as a result, be reflected in the world we create, which at the moment and how we stand as ‘creators of our reality’ I am sure you also consider it is a disgrace and a shame to call ourselves the creators of it all.

So, to no longer wallow in all that we know is ‘wrong’ out there and all the corruption, greed and torturous nature of the system out there… I rather ask each one of us to take the finger of blame, anger, discord, apathy and vengefulness back to self and this is where I see that we can all, together, without exception – one by one – genuinely discover all the potential we hold within ourselves, if we just dare to truly focus on ourselves to ‘be the change that we want to see in this world.’

 

Thanks for reading

 

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