Tag Archives: 2008

How I was able to Hear Desteni?

This wasn’t planned at all, but on a day like today January 29th but in 2008 I stumbled upon my second Desteni video which I got to finally watch. I was alone at night in my apartment and ready to get back to school in the following days, while continuing a process of being longing for a change in my life in a desperate manner.

The months before Desteni – and my entire lifetime if I could say so – I searched for answers that I could not get in encyclopedias or my dictionary. I sought into the occult and mystic realms another form of ‘knowledge’ that could make any sense to all of this ‘life’ of mine of which I was losing my ground on. I was absolutely enthralled with spirituality, the idea of ‘God’ being everywhere, us being god, being one, seeking love, wanting to ‘feel love’ and within this getting quite a burnt perspective on reality which lead me to follow certain ideas/ beliefs of myself having this benevolent mission in life that I had to seek ‘guidance’ for in order to ‘fulfill’ it.

At that time I was questioning myself extensively. I would write about losing the ‘meaning’ of who I am and how I had to go back to memories to remind myself ‘who I was,’ yet at the same time not believing that all I was is this ‘so-called lifetime’ as I wrote. I had been interested in how everything develops/ works as a process in life and this curiosity is what lead me to research on various topics like religions, philosophy, mysticism which included alchemy, magic, esotericism, kabbalah, Sufism and the list goes on with various ‘isms.’ I mean, I tried to get a hold of each thing to see what ‘suited my interests.’ Now we know that religions are designed according to people’s minds and cultural lifestyles which now makes me realize how it is that I couldn’t ‘fully identify’ with any of them. I wanted to ‘make my own religion’ as a syncretism of all of which I could find ‘supportive’ from each one of these religions/philosophies/ practices/ cultures, etc.

I’ve been quite fond of writing and I had been doing it for 8 years by that time wherein I wrote “I know the writings and the essence of my thoughts are creations.” Yet all of this I would still link to the idea of ‘enlightenment’ which is essentially what I was seeking at the time. I also would feel like ‘death’ was around the corner – yep, it was the death of me as who I had believed myself all the time.

I’ll share my exact words on the first encounter with Desteni written out in the evening of January 29th, 2008:

“So I saw this girl from Desteni bringing Ian Xel Lungold who is the man that got me investigating about the Mayan Calendar. So I thank him, now I know what goes one a bit more. . I mean, it’s really tough when you truly think of it, but it is completely plausible as I’ve been in touch with such things since I was a little girl. I was brought up with the belief in spiritualism. Basically my whole life has been based in their beliefs.”

Then I describe several events that I used as a form of believing that spiritualism was real as in ‘real life events’ that supported me to believe in it. I proceeded to write hours later – I apologize for the sketchy and jumpy type of enunciation, but I was mostly on weed all the time and I would write in a rather messy way, yet I wanted to share it as ‘raw’ as it is, this is to clarify that the words might not be well suited to describe ‘Desteni’ yet it was how I grasped it at the time.

“It’s 11:05 and I come here only to make or point out the fact/ statement that a whole dimension of who I was has been completely/ almost shattered today. Something beyond here and there changed my mind. So the channel (portal) can be applied to Einstein, Tesla, Marilyn Monroe, Dimebag Darrel I mean, everyone. So there goes this manifestation… It is beyond all schemes, I couldn’t have (illegible ‘thought this’) not even in my wildest dreams. But seeing Kurt Cobain speaking through a blond woman makes you wonder how you really haven’t (illegible) on stuff, even more when we’ve certainly felt like I didn’t belong here. The idea of good and evil dissolving, I hadn’t thought about the idea of god and it makes me wonder. We are our words and I allow myself to forgive myself for ALL and for it ALL. Each pinch of doubt, fear, insecurity might come from my pre-installed system as it feels odd to be coming out of the end. […] So it’s been a long, long day filled with truly, this time TRULY unexpected information, therefore I’m grateful and I’ll try to begin acting as one, being honest with myself as the very chains of reality, this shadow world comes to a transformation from the core. I want to assist that change.

I’ll try to watch them all (videos.) Lots of good vibes. I thank everything until now for I am indeed now aware of my own nature”

And that was the entry for the day. The real ‘shift came through the writings two days after I spent all my time watching videos while having the last days of vacation from school.

The following pages contain very ‘powerful’ realizations that I would like to share here in a summed-up version of entire pages wherein I expressed how excited I was and all that I was ‘ready to give up’ for this process. I’m even a bit flabbergasted myself to see how immediate my decision was to HEAR – and this is all mostly because of seeing the common sense in having to be the ones that cut the chains of our own shackles in this world.  I’ll transcribe a bit here:

“It’s the last day of the first month. It could officially mean that it’s the end of my vacation time and all I can realize is that all my life could be thrown out the window right now because my belief systems have fell and with it, many things I became a part of. I saw each system demon come in and talk about polarities, beauty, addictions, god, trinity, everyone, everything. And this made me ‘feel better’ like I have a solution to the possible outcome of it all. I heard LaVey saying who he’s is/was a demon and he’s in the dimensions observing how humans go to heaven, their heaven once they die.

So me and that LSD experience. I won’t ever do that again as I must realize what I saw was still the product of our mind. I am really curious about Gurdjieff and his afterlife. He says he was erased from Earth because he realized true awareness of ‘I am.’

So really, it is a BIG change for I now know my thoughts, feelings, emotions are part of the system I am. This isn’t really me, we’re covered in bags of skin with huge egos while thinking about success and happiness in the system. I don’t know what I’ll become or what will actually happen after this whole breakthrough. I really feel I want to quit it ALL. I mean it. So, words are me.

Really this is the end of our world as we know it, really. What will come is our Self Realization through the destruction of our systems/demons and I feel think 2012 will be only a shifting time for all of us to save Mother Earth and become Aware, not saved as Jesus (through the Portal) said, but become aware that I don’t have to worship anyone […] Therefore I won’t be experiencing the unity as I thought. It’s good I’ve got a record since 2000 of my life, so now I will consider, re-consider it all…”

Feb 5th and my world was falling apart already within my relationship in terms of how I began sharing about Desteni with family and friends in a rather enthusiastic manner that didn’t suit their scheme of who I was/ what I was supposed to be. Here I share something of this day

“I’ll be like the temperance so I may have time to realize how we exist through relationships. It can’t make me sad anymore, it’s a fight against my own mind. That is judgment day, is here for me, it’s beginning. I do not believe in anything outside of myself anymore, no more religions, no more surrendering to a higher power. There’s no such God as we are god ourselves. All of us, we just have to realize it.

[…] The deal with it all now is becoming my words and it requires subjugation of our big egos towards unity and equality. Will that ever happen? All my beliefs on 2012 are awaiting (in relation to a final ‘end of the world as shared in previous blogs) In fact I like the idea, but what kind of seems torturing is the fact that there’s no solution, there’s no going out of it all forever.  […] It is fascinating I know I’m not alone, I’m not a stranger, I’ll rather try to burn my ego down to ashes and let the true me get out. I won’t hold on to things as I realize how everything is constantly moving. What’s real? I don’t know. And I’m glad I’m not into a relationship anymore.”

And now I remember how initial ‘doubts’ on Desteni were triggered by others in my world – though common sense was undeniable:

“What if Desteni is actually a conspiracy? Well I don’t feel so, it’s not nice to think that all the books I recently bought are nothing but fantasies either, yet they can be so. Music is a system, art, expression, feelings, so what the hell on earth can I do? I’m just waiting, TELL ME! I have no desire whatsoever and it might be really bad/ good whatever. Everyone… So I sometimes wonder… maybe I could be very useful on heaven here on Earth… I have not bought my life yet but I’ll be patient. I’m doing my effort and placing my endeavor towards – not what is called enlightenment – but the truth of our essence. There is nothing to be scared of but of ourselves. So here we go, that’s it. I will not think of anything but forgive myself and I walk for this is all I got now, somehow.

I will trust them this time for it makes complete sense to me. I want to thank Jack and everyone out there in the dimensions who are currently coming to us (through the portal) in a specific moment of our lives. We can’t deny this, we’re in this together, all of us so we might as well hurry, we are aware of this now. That’s why maybe we all felt our worlds crumbling down for some time now, we didn’t know the dimensions were actually struggling to take out all the white light system. So, we were enslaved, huh, who could tell? To me it isn’t much of a new thing because I’ve seen everyone and I know I feel their whatever they are feeling and I’ve always felt weird whenever a young kid approaches me to ask for money or anything. How odd really, we don’t have to ask more. I will continuously make my endeavor to stop the mind. To know who I really am and so, If we are all gods, we better make up to our own nature. Nothing is sacred anymore but all of it together. So that’s about it. This is the real change.

Then the ‘crisis/ breakdown’ came wherein I started digesting more and more of the material, yet it was a necessary process as we all walking this process know and have experienced at some point in our lives/ process.

“So today it wasn’t such a  great thing going back to school. I know it was going to be mad, I couldn’t really sleep that well, I kept wondering about many things and I had goose bumps, very intense ones so I hope today I find a reason for that. If there’s one, Maybe I’m going through a deep crisis indeed, I need help.

Self Honesty, using common sense. I got a message from Andrea at Desteni. I feel great I know and them, it’s great. It has helped me a lot.

My world is really falling apart, it consists of my beliefs, thoughts, that includes all the stuff I used to cling to. There are no more chakras, there will be no more reincarnation as Buddha (through the portal) wrote – so what happens then? So I’m guiding everyday towards equality and it’s hard considering life in this city which is hell. Art is even nonsense now.

Everything up to where we are now makes no sense. There’s no ‘white light’ anymore so we’re on our own. This will be a major shift, I might as well sell everything and go for a ride. But I enjoy myself here I am now. And I’m thankful for it all too. No matter what, I’ll be a ‘stop the mind freak’ if it’s necessary for me to be so. I’ll quit weed if it’s needed, I’ll do so. I believe I was like a heretic or something (in a past life belief), I believe I stood up for No God in other lives and now I returned for a while as a god conceiver, a ‘god seeking person,’ a mystic which is the ultimate enslavement by that of ‘surrendering to a higher power’ – God! I forgive myself that I have allowed myself to think of a higher power other than me. I am living my words so I make it happen. If I need to quit my friendship, I will only if required. I hear my blood streaming. So this is where we got to. It is now, the apocalypse (revelation) is here slowly but surely. The revealing. I am all, I am alive. My blood is pumping.”

The following days I continued describing all the series of realizations with regards to what and who I had become, I realized that I was fooling myself by using weed to ‘cope with the message’ and eventually stopped it, the same happened with my relationship as I saw for myself the deception it was and how it was not supporting myself to walk this process.

I found it cool to share these thoughts straight from my notebook as ‘who I was’ 4 years ago wherein I was waking up from a slumber filled with ‘positivism.’ Desteni became that final and initial point to a process of having sought for a ‘solution’ to this world and having sought for a ‘way out’ of my own ‘chains,’ I saw the common sense in having to become the solution in this world once that I realized there was no God. This proves that I had in fact deposited faith on some benevolent being eventually being able to ‘save us.’ Now I know that it is definitely not so and that we are here, walking our process of self-revelation as the realization of who and what we are as one and equal which is not nice or pretty and implies taking Self Responsibility: an actual understanding of How we have created this world and walk through the Manifested Consequences in/ as our world.

Common sense could not be denied and I walked a process of shedding off my beliefs and embraced the new way wherein Forgiving myself was the way to stop participating in delusions like god or having some form of ‘guidance’ above me to become this ‘enlightened being.’ It was very supportive to get messages from people at Desteni when I did ‘seek for help’ as I was going a bit crazy with all the material. It only lasted a couple of days but what I got really allowed me to settle down and assert myself to walk this.

I eventually walked through the entire breakdown of crying and thinking that I had ‘lost myself’ but it was only beginning to step out of my religion and realizing that I could not continue as the ‘me’ that I had lived as until then.

Now I’m here, I did finish school and I’m actually in that point again in my life where a cycle is about to end here and a new one will begin. I can’t believe it’s been 4 years already yet it is so and we continue walking here.

All I can say is to be patient with yourself if you’re beginning this process, takes time to walk through one’s mind as thoughts, feelings, emotions and the rest of our reality within writing and applying self forgiveness, we’re all still all walking it as well.  I see how the commitment to be part of this process of Equality and Oneness was almost an immediate decision, because I had sought to be part of a change that could give a ‘meaning’ to my life. I realized how I could make myself the point of my existence and within that, make of my life this instrument to transform and establish a system that supports all Life.

Desteni is the process to get to live in this world. It might have come in the ‘weird’ presentation of a portal with all of these fascinating messages that made all sense to me. Yet the process of walking it and applying it/ living it became that single ‘point’ in my world that I required to realize that I was in fact able to become that which I saw  ‘knew’ we were even if it was in the back of my head. I was able to finally get the ‘reality check’ that I required to see how deluding myself with god and spirituality had been in fact neglecting my reality. The breakdown that I described was precisely because of realizing how I had been living in a bubble of positive thinking while abuse, suffering and violence was everything that was creating and making of this world such a fucked up place, all of it beginning within our very own thoughts (!)

Witnessing that through documentaries and videos we would get on a daily basis by Bernard, allowed me to open my eyes to the reality I had neglected. This was probably one of the key points within my Desteni-process wherein I started looking outside of myself to a reality that required to be exposed and shared to see what we are accepting and allowing to exist in our world, our creation. And with that, create and stand as the necessary solution that we are now presenting and walking as the Equal Money System.

Some lines in those journal entries contained some lyrics by John Frusciante that I wrote and seemed appropriate for this point in my life:

My life goes blank
Life was never what you thought.
Life was never what you saw
The lights go out

I dared to turn off the light and face the reality of what I had become, I wrote that it was ‘painful’ but understood why I required to walk this process and committed myself to it fully.

I’m grateful as I’ll always be for being here, being able to share my story today after 4 years of walking this process, between hell and Earth and back again, facing the nitty gritty details of myself that I would sometimes get embarrassed to even expose to myself. All of it I’m able to Self Forgive and prepare myself to be the point that takes Self Responsibility, that does stand up to create the necessary system for all of us to live as equals.

If you want to read more about my process, check out the archives now available in this same blog in the year 2008.

We continue walking. Thanks for reading.

Watch the vlogs on this topic here:

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 1

2012 Walking with Desteni: Why I could Hear the Desteni Message – Part 2

First note when watching Desteni 2008

First notes while watching Desteni, January 30th 2008


music art musicians artists expressions SF

I  forgive myself that i have accepted and alowed myself to like/adore/consider me a fan of music
i forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to define my life according to the music i listen to
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever think/believe/perceive that i could only relate to people that had the same/similar musical taste as me.
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to like men for their musical tastes
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to define me as similar to other people just because of their musical taste/preferences
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to declare that music saved my life
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to praise music and consider music as something separate from me.
I am one and equal to music, I am music
I forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowed myself to numb myself watching music videos for extensive amount of hours everyday for several years since i was seven years old of age
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire playing guitar to be like a rock star
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to consider/deem rockstars as cool people
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take shirley manson as a role model in my life
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to establish my relationships based on similar tastes for music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself that i can only trust someone for their musical taste
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create myself a bubble of me taking music as a drug
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be/feel seduced by music
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to learn innumerable song lyrics
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still get “feelings” whenever i hear certain songs
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deem music as something beyond me
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to always consider me as a fan of music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to idolize music artists and considering them as “unreachable”
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be obsessed with john frusciante
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to consider myself as being “in love” with john frusciante
i forgive myself that ihave accepted and allowed myself to declare that i would be happy if i could be with john frusicante
Gee!! haha i sense stupidity now in myself, but this is real
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my self forgiveness on john frusciante as stupidity as not needed/ too far.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed mysefl to feel compassion for john frusciante while he was on drugs
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire being fulfilled with music my whole life
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to declare that i may leave all drugs and sex and whatnot but i can’t give up on music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to compare music to sex, drugs or anything else
i am one and equal to sex, i am one and equal to drugs, i am one and equal to music and any other perceived entertainment for my mind.
I forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself that music is an experience of senses therefor, musis is for mind
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be shaped/molded by my perceived idea of what rockstars and artists are like
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to believe this is what I have become on my own
i forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to accept the fact that much of my personality comes from the perceived “outgoing and free” expression of music artists
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place hope in someday being part of the music world
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive there’s a music world
i forgive myself tha ti haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace music as me, to embrace all music artists as one and equal with who i really am
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to consider/deem music artists as something superior than me
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel inferior to music artists considering them too talented for me to achieve that
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to compare myself to music artists
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to consider musica artists as role models in my life
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to embrace certain aspects of shirley manson’s personality as my own. I am one and equal to shirley manson (LOL)
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to learn from music artists
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed msyelf to keep track for several years of each and everysingle music video i watched
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to be an mtv addict from 1994 till 2002
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to declare that i was raised by mtv
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from music artists, therefore considering that i “copied” their ways or being, their attitudes, etc
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to have idols as music artists
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place myself in that worshipping situation of idolizing other people
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel “moved” by certain music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel mesmerized by music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe i have a deeply ingrained music system within and as me
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place hope in music as being my third possible option for a living
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deem i am not “good enough” at making music
i forgive myself tha ti haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that talent is a perceived judgement by the mind
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowe dmysel fto judge/deem music as being good or bad according to my formed opinions
i forgive myeself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that i didn’t need to apply self forgiveness in music
i frogive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to have “formed opinions” regarding music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowedmyself to separate myself from people just because i don’t fit into their musical taste
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge people for their musical tastes
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to condition my “friendship” with someone just because of their musical taste in the past
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to still hold on to past likes/preferences on music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to deem/perceive that i know lots about music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever desire working for music industry
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever desire being a music article writter for music magazine
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever desire working in spin magazine in the past
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever desire being part of a music band
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever desire going to live to new york to work in a music magazine
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to desire going to live in Canada
i forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge musicians as lucky people
i forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to accept the fact that I am musicians as well
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel envy for musicians lifestyle
i forgive myself tha ti haven’t accepted and allowed myself to exists within and as freedom i perceive from musicians
i forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to exist within and as self expression as i consider musicians to be
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to still feel deeply attached to music
i forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowe dmyself to realize that there’s no attachment because i am all, i need no relationship to music, I am music.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmysel to categorize people for their musical tastes
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmysel to perceive that i could tell what a people is like just by knowing their musical taste
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself for not having embraced all kinds of music of this world yet as me
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from some types/kinds/genres of music deeming them as “not of my kind”
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to discriminate certain musical expressions
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to declare that music could only get me to a certain feeling/experience that nothing else would be able to give me
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to become sadenned/frustrated by knowing that music is a system manifestation as well
i forgive myself that i accepted and allowed myself to take music as a tranquilizer
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to listen to music as a way of numbing myself
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take music as a drug along with weed
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to link the idea A immediately to music
i forgive myself that i havea ccepted and allowe dmyself to link the idea of G immediately to music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to consider that all main relationships in my life were first founded on music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive i got the desire for playing music downloaded from my father’s system
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to judge my father’s musical expression
i forgive myself that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to take music as natural self expression yet
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from people regarding that i am not “made” to be a musician, or that i don’t have musician wood
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to sitll desire being a “talented musician”
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to desire my music to be heard or recognized for the oddity within it
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to ever declare i was meant to be with a musician
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to ever declare i am always attracted to musicians
i forgive myself tha ti ahve accepted and allowed myself to declare that i have a weakness for artists
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to consider myself as an artists
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to tag everything in my world in order to fit into categories
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to experience music as something separate from me
I am one and equal to artists
i am one and equal to musicians
i am music
i am art
i am all that exists in this world including musical expression and self expression through art i facts
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place a desire within me to fullfill my expression through musical instruments
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to now fear being part of any other expression i fear of it being all done by the mind
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to fear my mind : i am one and equal to my mind. I am my mind and i am stopping it.

I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to feel/believe and perceive that I “feel like” listening to a certain specific artist or kind of music at times
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to desire that bob marley could get into the portal and tell everyone to stop smoking weed
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deem bob marley as being coward for not facing himself through the portal to give a message to his legions of fans around the world
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to judge musicians that get rich and forget about music
i forgive myself that i ever accepted and allowe dmyself to link music to money wealth
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to believe that i could die happily after seeing/watching live certain bands in this world
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to risk my health and life just to be and experience myself fully in a music concert
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to deem music concerts as my club parties
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from the artists performing on stage, considering them as bein superior/beyond my reach
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to judge certain artists as being to egotistic
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive that i could never aspire getting that “high”
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to copy and get much of my perceive personality from female music artists in this world
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to admire the guts and determination and braveness of some women within and as the music sphere of this world
i forgiv emyself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there could be a woman musical revolution
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to delve into feminism through music
i forgiv emysel that i haven’t accepted and allowed myself to embrace both expressions, male and female, as one and equal to all in this world, one and equal as who I am  with all that exists
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive myself learning from those female artists
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to believe in emotions feelings thoughts and quotes in song lyrics from many artists
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to take certain people’s thoughts and ideas and quotes as my own accepted and allowed truth
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel/believe and perceive that i was done to experience music in this world
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowe dmyself to consdier that music would be my all time dream job
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deem that music could be a business for myself
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place myself into a hypotethical situation of me bieng part of the music sphere of this world
I am no separate from music in this world, i am no different to musiscians, artists, poets, writters of this world
I forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe/perceive that music is the purest exrpession
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place music in a “special” place within and as my being
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowe dmyself to believe/perceive/think that I could make a good music performer
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to ever dream of becoming a musician recognized by the whole world enableing me to travel around the world and spread the message to people
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place certain hope in music to create a change in this world. There’s no change for this world, only stopping it.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think believe or perceive that by me stopping listening to music i am leaving a faithful friend
i forgive myself hta ti havea ccepted and allowed myself to think/believe/perceive that everyone in this world may come and go, leave, but music would always stay with me
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to place someone as bieng more special for being able to create music
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe and perceive that people that are into art world are more openminded and self expressive than others that don’t
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think believe perceive that art is a way out of this world
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to get into art just because i wanted to fuck the system
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to deem/perceive/think that by  me creating art i am being more special than any other human beings that never create something.
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to think/believe and perceive that art and music are elevated human activities
i forgive myself tha ti have accepted and allowed myself to reject all other spheres of life as less important to those ones that focus on self expression such as music, art and literature
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to feel/perceive myself as being similar to artists/musicians/writters/philosophers than any other kind of  people in this world
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to perceive that there are different kinds of people in this world
i forgive myself that i have accepted and allowed myself to create separation in my mind towards human activities defining what a human being is. I am not my profession, i am not my designed activity. I am all as one and equal as life


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