Tag Archives: acceptance

277. Finding it Hard to Accept Rewards

 

Why would we require ‘Rewards’ when the solutions to this world are placed – we should conform with that as a living principle, why do we have to ‘fantasize’ with all the ‘good stuff’ to support what’s best for all?

 

I will be walking this point because it is quite an underlying and quite well masked self-experience whenever we speak about the Rewards point within our proposal to establish the Equal Money Capitalist system specifically. You can read more abut it in the Economist’s Journey To Life.

 

Let’s look at the ‘reasoning’ behind this in the form of Internal Conversations:

-We shouldn’t require to have a positive drive to do what’s best for all

– we don’t deserve this, we have abused far too much to now only expect rewards for establishing a fair economic-system

– Why is it hard for me to speak all the ‘good things’ as rewards?

– We shouldn’t expect to have something ‘in it’ for us to move, that’s just too greedy

– Why would I want rewards on top of solving the problems?

 

 

When reading all these rewards and solutions to our current problems in the world, it is simply realizing how things should have always worked, I see that they are not meant to be ‘positively driven’ as an energetic experience that can lead us to feel momentarily ‘Great’ about ourselves or ‘Happy’- instead this is all about finally creating the necessary equilibrium to live as who and what we are, as equals in this world. However, there’s this inherent ‘lock’ or ‘barrier’ wherein the sheer acceptance of ‘all the good stuff/ what’s best for all’ would be just too much of a ‘good thing’ linking this establishment of Equality to a positive experience, which is what I then resist to fully embody as myself due to reasoning how all the defined negative in this world is ‘more real’ than all this positive things that are only created through abuse. So, I can spot the problems in this world and solutions – but, when it comes to rewards, I freeze out.

 

I was listening to the interview Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 43 and point this was explained with a cool example that I could relate to in terms of identifying positivity with ‘happiness’ ‘good’ ‘love’ ‘joy’ and as such, it is as if I have placed a veto upon those words to promote them as a reward, because I have associated them with a great fallacy – however, that is within our current context wherein yes, only a few can experiment such grandeur due to having enough money to live very well and with all they need. However if everyone has such equal opportunity, then an actual happiness can emerge, an actual well being that is no longer a flickering momentary experience.

 

Self Forgiveness on the exploration around Rewards:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only feel comfortable when speaking about the problems, the bad, the negative in this world and believe that I have a ‘hard time’ speaking about the solutions and that which is best for all, simply because of within my mind linking this to a point of abuse and deception that I find it hard to live as myself because I have linked the positive/ happy/ joyful experiences to money and as such linking money to evil/abuse wherein I then go into a point of avoiding talking about the benefits simply because I have not dealt with my own polarity construct of negative/bad stuff in reality as ‘the real deal’ of our world and all the good/ happy/ beneficial aspects to the Positive-experiences in the world that I have judged within myself extensively due to myself benefitting from it while knowing that not everyone has equal access to the benefits I have.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to have ‘the least’ and experience myself as more of a real-benevolent person when rejecting or refusing money/ not looking for the benefits that money brings within this current world system due to a morality aspect that I have created with regards to it being Bad to enjoy yourself if you have money thus I realize that through judging I am creating more separation toward enjoyment as a reward in itself, thus I realize that we are presenting a solution of enjoyment that will be equally accessible for all in Equality and as such, there is no point in keeping judging this benefit, but instead establish ways in which it can be a certainty for all as a given right to benefit from everything that enables us to live in this world as equals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link what’s ‘more real’ to a defined negativity and ‘bottom of the pit’ that I would deliberately go into in order to experience what I defined as that which is actually real and create an opposition toward anything that seemed ‘too good’/ ‘too benevolent’ / ‘too happy’ and within this, form and create an aversion to it, which means that

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become a ‘gloomy-character’ that can only look at everything that is fucked in this existence as the real-reality and as such,  wanting to stick to this side of ‘reality’ than belonging to the fluffy-artificial positivity that I was brought up in, because it seemed simply not Real, not congruent with the reality that I would see was non-existent for everyone that had no money to live, that had no support to have a ‘happy life’ either, without realizing that in this I am denying myself from actually realizing that such experience is possible for everyone if we are all equally working to create and establish a world system that works for all equally.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link everything that is negative of this world as ‘the real reality’ wherein yes, the real reality currently is the majority that has no money to live a happy life – though within wanting to stick to this ‘negative experience’ as ‘what’s real’ it has now become something ‘hard’ to let go of which is why when it comes to writing and speaking words that imply what’s best for all and Rewards specifically, I see them as too fake/ too ‘out there’ / too manipulative just because of having linked all the negative of our reality as what’s real, without realizing that such reality certainly has to cease to exist and actually allow ourselves to live words that can actually support us to live and enjoy life.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘rewards’ with a positive charge and experience at a mind level.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘what’s best for all’ with a ‘moreness’ point, without realizing that this is not about being more or positive, but re-establishing an order within this world that will enable life to be finally supported as it always should have been – and this does not imply now having to define me as ‘positive’ and perceive myself to be ‘out of character’ – thus

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define myself as being ‘out of character’ when looking at rewards and believing myself to be incapable of coming up with rewards because of believing that we don’t really deserve it, that I can only accept and implement the solutions, but no rewards.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘rewards’ with a plastic card of frequent visitor in a posh –line of hotels and also a money-card wherein rewards were accumulated by my father’s account and how I would use these plastic cards of ‘rewards’ in order to buy more/ consume more, which I always thought was ‘for free’ (Read the previous entry to understand this point) and as such create a positive experience within consuming/ buying with such ‘rewards’ cards.

I realize that I have in fact linked rewards to buying/ consuming and within this, judging such benefits as ‘wrong’ due to how I have dedicated myself to judge this world and reality within a negative value and self-experience wherein the moment that solutions are presented I experience as if I ‘can’t’ simply take the ‘positive outcomes’ and write them out, because of not allowing myself to first clear the word rewards from the positive charge in itself.

 

What I realize is that this is still experienced because of currently having to exist within the transition point wherein we Know what’s best for all, we understand the problem, the root cause of this inequality – yet we are the ones that currently have the money and education to do something about it, which is an excuse to feel guilty for being existing within this fortunate position and looking it through the eyes of ‘me not being real because I have money and the protection that comes with it’ – instead of looking at it from the perspective of: I have money, I have access to education, I become the one that implements the solution – which is the position I have taken at a common sensical level, but I haven’t allowed myself to fully LIVE and Realize this as myself, as an actual possibility, because I haven’t yet forgiven myself for the guilt and shame that even having money and this fortunate position has become as an experience within me.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the reasoning of ‘I am not being real within my decision to support a system that is best for all because I have money and always had money to live well and have a proper environment to live in, which makes me part of the Elite that exists at the expense and abuse of those that have none’ – wherein within this statement, I have accepted and allowed myself to still exist within a form of guilt and shame, which is actually an egotistical self-experience that I have held on to in order to continue this personality which is obviously an obstacle to fully stand as the solution as what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the word ‘Rewards’ with being greedy and a positive person that is only looking after self-interest, which is how I have linked this word within the consumerist society that I was born into

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘Why should we require rewards in this world to move’? wherein I am judging the way that I realize more people can in fact listen to a world-change process that will enable life to be supported for everyone – thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the means of promoting what’s best for all, instead of looking at the actual results that can come from in fact implementing that which we all know should have always been/ existed as, thus there is no ‘positive charge’ or ‘luring’ aspect to this, this is just using our current motivational-points and triggers to support that which has never been supported which is Life in Equality.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link ‘what’s best for all’ to a positive resonance and as such see it as a polarity point to the negative that I have wanted to define myself as due to linking such ‘negativity’ as ‘more real’ than all the good that we can envision currently as what’s best for all, without realizing that what’s best for all is not positive or the counter act for the negative, it is simply establishing equality as physical structure to support everyone as it always should have been.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger when reading some of the rewards and judge them as vain, wherein that implies that I am taking things personally with regards to what people actually want and expect in their lives as something ‘better’ for them to look a and consider what’s best for all because in my mind, people should not have to be ‘lured’ into what’s best for all, however I realize that the ‘good way’ has not worked at all in this reality to promote ‘what’s best for all’ and as such believe that ‘I have a hard time creating rewards’ simply because I have not allowed myself to consider actually embodying fully what’s best for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel righteous when declaring that ‘I don’t require any rewards if the solution is in place,’ wherein I then see myself as more ‘self-honest’ or ‘common sensical’ than anyone that would actually begin to hear what we have to say due to reading the rewards proposed, due to how I have judged myself and everyone that is not willing to take action if there’s nothing ‘in it’ for them/ myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to allow myself to embody a personality of feeling ‘okay’ when looking at the bad, the negative, the problems but go into inner conflict when it comes to looking at the rewards, the solutions that I have linked to a ‘positive experience’ without realizing that in this all it is to stop feeling bad about the reality of this world and as such stop linking the rewards and benefits for all as the ‘good’ that I have linked to abuse and deception.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe I have a problem to actually embody or feel comfortable with speaking the words that mean that which is best for all such as enjoyment, happiness, satisfaction due to linking it to a positive-energetic experience that can only be founded through abuse. I realize that this means that I am only looking at these words based on my experience and realizations, instead of looking at the words as an actual physical expression that we can in fact embody/ become within living in a proper structure/system of support for everyone equally, wherein it will no longer be linked to a positive experience founded through abuse, but it will be a living-right – this implies that I am only judging the words as knowledge and information and not really looking at the physicality aspect and sustainability of such beneficial experiences as an actuality, a consistent support and not linked to momentary flickering experiences that money can only buy at the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge the word Rewards as a fucked up consumerist bullshit and within this linking it with an experience of disgust toward it because I have made myself believe that I simply want ‘justice for all’ and see all forms of Rewards as something that I refuse to participate in because of the backchat ‘Why would we want rewards on top of establishing solutions that are already best for all’? Without realizing that this Reward point is but a way to promote what’s best for all as a ‘winning’ consideration within the current mind-frame of our society, wherein we know and have realized that people won’t move unless there is something ‘in it’ for them.

 

When and as I See myself having ‘difficulty’ with coming up with actual rewards to give to each other in a world system where everyone will have equal access and equal benefit to all – I stop and I breathe – I let go of seeing this as selfish and greedy and instead look at the starting point of rewards as that actual well-functioning of a society as how things should have always been when regarding all of us with equal right to benefit from what is here.

 

I realize that I have to walk equal to everyone and the majority that is certainly currently only moved by self-interest and within this, I realize that ‘their interests’ are currently only existent within the current mind-frame of consumerism as how we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be moved/ motivated by – I also realize that such self-interest is in fact not ‘bad’ or ‘evil’ if such aspirations lead a person to live a fulfilled living condition, wherein it won’t be a ‘bad thing’ any longer if we make such ability to enjoy life/ fulfill this self interest an equal ability and capacity for all – thus

 

I realize that I have only judged the ‘good’ things in life according to what I have realized throughout this process of understanding how the world is in reverse and all the ‘good/ benevolent’ was in fact founded upon abuse. However, what we are walking currently is the process of being able to propose a practical way to create a solid foundation for these benefits to be equally available and given to everyone equally as a birth-right. This means that I have to stop judging the point of Rewards according to seeing them through the Current eye of consumerism and the abuse that this represents, but instead realize that rewards are possible as a consequential outflow that comes from establishing a world system wherein we will be educated to discern what actual value is as Life, and no longer the current means/ways we have sought our ‘benefit’ and ‘happiness’ from, which is standing within the current abusive ways and means that we are currently abusing life for our personal glory. If this ‘glory’ is equally available in a sustainable non-harmful and sustainable way in an Equality system, then I accept and allow myself to live ‘glory’ and all these positive aspects as a giving and receiving point that I allow myself to give to myself and others in Equality.

 

I commit myself to continue exploring the current discomfort experienced when speaking about Rewards and as such focus on the reality and viability of such outcomes to be established within the proposal of Equal Money Capitalism.

 

This will continue

 

No More Human Drama- Equal Money System

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Hey Nostradamus! – Personality suit exposed

“Look at us. We’re all born lost, aren’t we? We’re all born separated from God – over and over life makes sure to inform us of this – and yet we’re all real: we  have names, we have lives. We mean something. We must. My heart is so cold. And I feel so lost. I shed my block of hate but what if nothing emerges to fill in the hole it left? The universe is so large, and the world is so glorious, but here I am on a sunny August morning with chilled black ink pumping through my veins, and I feel like the unholiest thing on earth.” – Douglas Coupland

This is an excerpt from Hey Nostradamus! a book by Douglas Coupland that I read some 6 years ago  while being on a ‘spiritual journey’ a mind one, not an actual trip.  I had read other books by him as well, including ‘Life after God’ of which I will probably write about some other time.

In this book he depicts an entire process of ‘struggling’ with the idea of there being some type of ‘god’ while walking a continual paradox as this reality that would indicate that there is non. However, this particular quote depicts the type of writings I would solace myself with, some type of misery that  would enhance my world view, add the necessary ‘energy kick’ to keep my personality suit that I’ve described before in the Death and Destruction entry.

These type of writings is what I filled myself up while being on my late teenage years which was ‘cool’ at the time and in accordance to my questions and general desire to ‘know’ some type of ‘truth,’ to have or gain some sort of feedback as a ‘certainty,’ a kind of knowledge and information that could give ‘meaning’ to my life. Just as Douglas explains there, I was seeking for some sort of proof that this wasn’t only a cosmic joke and that our lives would have to inevitably ‘mean’ something.

Part of walking this process is debunking the lie that we’ve lived with this entire ‘yearning for God’ experience which is actually preprogrammed as an inherent belief to never see and realize that: we’ve always been here, that we are ALL that exist and that any form of philosophical trip looking for ‘meaning’ and ‘truths’ is in separation of the most obvious facts that are here, equally visible and tangible for all: we are the ones that have set the rules of how it all functions – we are the ones that have perpetuated the disagreements that are currently leading this world to a point of self-destruction based on the inherent disregard that we’ve had toward one another, yet keeping ourselves busy seeking some form of ‘inner-peace’ and ‘enlightenment’ while depleting the world and abusing all that is here in the meantime.

Our relationship toward an elusive idea of ‘God’ became another way of ‘coping with reality’ as if the idea of some superior and powerful ‘god’ could give us some ‘extra-strength’ to face ourselves. He places it quite nicely in the following quote: ‎”I think God is how you deal with everything that’s out of your own control”. I was once a God believer and as much as I have left this part of the process ‘behind,’ it’s cool to bring it up as a point of support for anyone reading this and still going through a process of disenchantment toward the belief in something ‘superior’ or ‘divine’ as an actual entity called ‘God.’ I clearly once believed out of tradition, out of passed-on belief, out of fear of literally having to realize there is nothing or no one ‘superior here’ – yet never getting to realize who I really am as one and equal as all that exists – who would want some type of ‘god’ within that equation?

The quote I placed here describes a general ‘mindset’ that I could tag with many names like melancholy, self-pity, misery, loneliness, gloom,  sadness, depressive, shoegazer,  doomy and mostly a general sense of ‘despair’ toward the world. Lol it’s cool to debunk this because this ‘attitude’ and general energetic experience became ‘my life’ and ‘who I was’ for such a long time. Seeing life through this smokescreen where everything seemed so elusive, so vague, so ‘magnificent’ yet seeing myself as something really ‘petty’ for this world, sometimes ‘not belonging’ and some others just believing that I had been born in the ‘wrong planet.’

Here I am, six years after I read this book and having walked for some years a process of understanding my personality and how I created myself, I can see how it is within this gloomy self idea of myself and the world that I kept myself just ‘busy’ with my own mind, seeking to create more experiences out of books like these, out of my own relationships with people that could fully support this type of ‘tragic’ perspective on reality, just sitting at caffés pondering about life, chain-drinking-smoking-coffee and doing nothing else but that. 

Now I realize how all of that is an absolute ‘waste of time’ in terms of remaining only as a certain experience that becomes ‘who we are’ while limiting ourselves and our ability to actually step out of such mind-frame, which is essentially the process we’re walking here.

First of all to stop all hope and yearning/ wondering about ‘life’ and instead realizing how we can practically start actually LIVING in this world by investigating/ writing/ looking at how other beings are living, how is the system that I live in functions, how are we keeping this system running, why have I accepted and allowed myself to be consumed by my own self-created experiences instead of looking at the reality that is here, that is myself, a reality that I am a part of and that I’m disregarding while keeping myself ‘busy’ up in my mind, continuing my gloomy view toward this world as if that was the only ‘thing’ I could ‘do’ – helplessness, a general sense of ‘I’m a victim of this world’ is what I was oozing all the time. I’m glad those times are over – though the process of disengaging from the actual self-created personality is still being walked as this is HOW I have created myself – resonating with everything that could support my inability to stand up and take self responsibility – why? Because being a victim is much easier than taking the necessary steps to ‘step up’ and become the change that I was only judging and criticizing/ complaining about in this world.

We’re not LOST, we can only LOSE ourselves up there in the self-created mazes of our mind – we are here, we are breathing, we walk, we eat, we shit, we interact and all in all I keep ‘finding myself here’ therefore, such ‘lostness’ was certainly another excuse to be aloof and idle and a general ‘drama queen’ to not face my reality and instead, indulge into addictions that could support my eternal ‘yearning’ for something/ someone to change the world.

Such feeling and experience as feeling like an outcast, a sense of being kicked out of paradise, looking for ‘god’ all the time is only the belief of such separation from ‘god/ source’ which has gotten us to neglect the life that we are and have been all the time, Here  – get the interviews on the Atlanteans to understand how and why this point happened. It’s all been an actual disregard of ourselves – us missing ourselves as ‘the point’ of our existence. We only can redeem ourselves to be actually able to stand here in Self Honesty as one and equal to this world by walking a process of Self For.giveness: I give myself back to myself to realize that the only thing I’ve missed is ‘myself’ as life  – hence I walk a process to learn how to LIVE in equality as everything/ everyone that is equally here.

Through this process of Self Honesty, I’ve learned how to trust myself, to not only seek to ‘stand in the back’ within this form of ‘inferiority’ and ‘pettiness’ as part of a self experience, wanting others do everything for me, to have someone ‘stepping up’ and keeping myself in a comfortable zone wherein I cannot make any mistakes or get ‘harmed’ by others – which was quite the ultimate defense mechanism within me to not face myself. My personality was then able to ‘fit’ into the world as a ‘sensitive person’ that could then be justified for being ‘down’ and then seeking something/ someone outside of myself to ‘get up’ and then down again in a never ending rollercoaster of energetic thrills. I remember how a friend of mine would say how he’d get to ‘enjoy’ being immersed in absolute self-misery and depression – I couldn’t fathom that and I judged him in that moment without realizing I was doing exactly the same thing within myself.

So – topics on alienation, loneliness, black comedy, drama, spirituality, angst, sorrow, acceptance, tragedy, the absurd and complex have been part of the ‘key words’ that I’d sought for and that I just took from the back cover of this book – lol.

What’s great about this is that once that the ‘pattern’ and personality is in my face, I cannot fool myself in pretending that I have not ‘become’ this by mere act of empathy. It’s called personality designs and I’m here to stop it, because it’s only a bloody program, because I see how even if in my mind there is still this desire to ‘keep it in place,’ it’s the ultimate statement of separation from the physical reality that is just HERE: no experience attached!

Have a look at a skinny, leafless tree with several branches twisted up high in a forest-like scenario at dusk – that I would immediately associate with this entire self-experience which indicates to what level I have brainwashed myself to add an entire experience to the sole expression of a single tree in a certain environment. Fascinating.

I am here to stop that, to see reality for what it is, to see and realize how I do not require to add any extra-toppings to reality with emotions and feelings that I had deemed as ‘indications’ of ‘being alive’ – that was probably one of the most impressive revelations in my life, whereas I had deem that the more I ‘felt’ = the more alive I was. What a lie – but we are fortunately well prepared now to face these buckets of cold water and support ourselves to actually LIVE.

So, no more gloomy self experiences for me – all of this is coming out quite nicely so I suggest that you, reader of this blog, take on this exercise for yourself:  have a look at the points that you’ve identified yourself with in your reality and see how they have defined ‘who you are’ in one way or another. To me this is kind of ‘bringing up the past’ but unless I stop myself from participating in all types of emotions and feelings, I will continue existing as that past – hence it is cool to lay it out for oneself to see what I have accepted and allowed myself to identify ourselves with as the preprogrammed personality design and stop participating in it here, for once and for all.

Now, this is not in any way a ‘bashing’ toward Coupland, he’s written out cool books that I see were ‘bridges’ for me to walk upon to then get to the actual swallowing point of realizing: there is no God, there is no such thing as ‘ultimate truth’ – you are it, you are here, you take responsibility and create a world that’s best for all – simplicity at its finest – but here I leave some cool quotes by Mr. Coupland.

Enjoy and thanks for reading

‎”I wondered why it is that going to heaven is the only goal of religion, because it’s such a selfish thing”

‎”To acknowledge God is to fully accept the sorrow of the human condition”

“A world of continuous miracles would be a cartoon, not a world”

‎”I think God is how you deal with everything that’s out of your own control”

‎”Dear God,
I’m going to stop believing in you unless you can tell me what possible good could have come from the bloodshed. I can’t see any meaning or evidence of divine logic”

 

Assist and support yourself to walk out of the personality suits we’ve become as part of this game or roles we’ve played in this world – let’s walk a process of actual LIVING and not only feeling and believing in something/someone that we are Not.

desteni.org

 

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Coupland, Douglas. Hey Nostradamus!. 1st ed. New York: Bloomsbury , 2003. 146. Print.


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