Tag Archives: addiction

454. Embracing Living Potentials

(Or how I plan to get rid of the ‘Doomsday character’)

 

Self-Forgiveness on the previous blog I shared

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as self-sabotage whenever I give into the usual known experiences of ‘gloom and doom’ or sticking to seeing only the ‘bad stuff’ or destructive aspects and patterns in everything and everyone wherein I then create an experience of discomfort, not being able to fully embrace a situation, a person, an event or circumstance that represents actual growth, change, expansion, expression and reacting within my mind by  defining it as ‘too positive’ or ‘too good to be true’ ‘not realistic’ when it comes to comparing it to the ‘reality of the world out there’ –  yet at the same time seeing it as a proof of potential, of growth, of self support, of self-creation that I then react to in a physical manner in a form of discomfort, which I translate to a disempowerment of sorts by believing that ‘that is too good to be true’ or ‘it’s not realistic’ or ‘it’s too positive’ and within this, I excuse myself from actually doing the necessary process of change for me to stand one and equal to such potential and possibilities for self-creation and self-expansion.

This happens when I go into my mind to qualify or attach a particular experience to a moment or situation, wherein I have programmed myself to react in a form of limitation as a ‘blockage’ in my experience whenever I perceive or define something as being enjoyable, of happiness, of ‘goodness’ as something constructive or plainly enjoyable or even pleasurable, wherein I then believe that I have to ‘stick to reality’ and not fully embrace it – here defining ‘reality’ as something that is not good, not supportive, of destruction, of sadness, of suffering and in doing this, I go qualifying my experience towards everything in a polarity mode, wherein I feel comfortable and ‘ok’ to remain in the ‘same old’ or ‘usual’ experience of comfort and normalcy associated with things remaining in the current status-quo of generally not being growing, expanding, supportive and oddly enough, I have not been able to establish who do I want to be in the face of all of that which is constructive, of growth and expansion and expression and enjoyment for what it is, wherein I have become so used to immediately tell myself that ‘this is not reality, this is not aligned with the truth and experience of the majority in this world, therefore, I must give up on it, I must not enjoy it, I must not be part of it, I must stick to reminding myself and everyone else about the fuckedupness in this world’ – in this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that in this desire to make of myself a ‘reminder’ of ‘all things that are wrong in this world’ through creating an experience within me that ‘rejects’ or ‘reacts’ to actual living change – in doing so I recreate and continue to exist as that ‘status-quo’ of not changing, remaining in an ‘unfortunate’ self-experience, denying my self to create myself into something that I would genuinely enjoy being and expressing as me, because of judging it as ‘not being aligned with the rest of everyone’s experience’ –

but here, I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that this is a polarity I am holding in my mind, wherein in self honesty, it also becomes a way for me to be comfortable within ‘the same old me’ and not pushing myself outside of my comfort zone, which means I use the knowledge and information and awareness of how ‘the world is at this moment/how people in this world, the majority of them, are experiencing themselves, the animals, the environment in general’ and use this as an excuse, a reason and justification as to WHY I am apparently not able to stand up in a moment, let go of my own bitterness, gloom and doom within myself in the face of seeing potential, seeing evidence of change and self-creation and so instead Stand up as the change, live as the determination, creativity, perseverance and expression that I’d like everyone in this world to exist as, of course in consideration of what is best for all.

I realize that I have been denying myself the experience of growth, expression, creation, expansion within me in my life, even in the smallest details based on using knowledge and information as to why I am supposed to almost be a ‘martyr’ in the name of the rest of the world – but here, it’s just a ‘good face’ to cover up something else in fact. Within that ‘experience’ I am in fact justifying me not changing, not standing up to my own words of that which I would like others to live for themselves, and not just the poor and unfortunate ones, but everyone equally.

Therefore I have to stop living in spite in reality, spite that has been covered up as a notion of ‘I am on the side of the unfortunate ones, I am a martyr for not enjoying the things that others do enjoy and create for themselves in their lives’ and in doing this, actually become spiteful to others that do actually stand up to create the lives and experiences that they want for themselves and stand as their own creation that surely, it is also something that could be very supportive and cool for many more to create and enjoy equally.

It is quite paradoxical that in a supposed attempt to ‘do good’ to others or stand in ‘mourn’ for those unfortunate ones, I believe that denying all the ‘good things’ in life is a way to ‘honor them’ when in fact, I become the very perpetuator of self-limitation, of ‘the system’ itself that we’ve created as our own limitation, as our own enslavement, therefore in no way am I actually standing up ‘for others’ or for anything really, I am only using that awareness as a source of limitation for myself.

Here I also have to realize that based on the current situation of our world system, money system, many things are just not possible to create in equality as in wanting everyone to ‘have the same’ as I do or as I see others can create for themselves, and this is part of our manifested consequences of separation creating inequality and creating differential access to even the basics in this reality. But these are only FACTS, these are the ways in which the world is currently working. Therefore ME creating an Experience about this and reacting to it with anger, sadness, commiseration, misery within myself about it specially in moments where actual living creation and expression exists as a potential, is not being a solution to these problems in the world, is not me standing as the solution of who and what I’d like everyone to exist as and live as in this world, be a genuine and full example of that – but instead, I ‘close up’ and go into this very subtle yet present experience of wanting to stand as a representation of ‘all the bad things’ that are going on in life and be a constant reminder of that toward others, wherein I realize that it’s not about now completely ‘being positive’ all the time and making of it an energetic experience, it is about paving the way for and opening myself up to actually embrace the potential of creation, of life.

I also see that a solution to this whole point is about embracing the reality without a judgment, without qualifying it as positive or negative, but rather assessing it in common sense which means seeing ‘what is best for all’. Because otherwise I trap myself into defining all things related to growth, expansion, expression and enjoyment within a ‘positive experience’ that I then go into opposing with ‘all things negative’ apparently to stand as a ‘balancing point’ to the situation, but in this it’s not really about ‘What I want to remind others about,’ I only end up screwing myself because I don’t get to change the things I want to stand as a ‘reminder of’ for others, in terms of the misery, the suffering, the poverty, the unfortunate experience, and at the same time I don’t get to assist myself to actually learn how to Embrace the potential of self-creation, of growth, expansion, development, enjoyment and the ability to ‘play’ with life which are just that, actions, decisions, outcomes that I then have to assess in common sense if they are genuinely supportive, if they are sustainable, if they are a point of self-expression, if they don’t compromise myself or others in any way – and so instead of going into the polarity of the ‘good’ and ‘bad’ and me embodying mostly that ‘bad’ or ‘negative’ in the presence of all things I have defined as ‘good’ or ‘positive’ – I rather embrace such potentials, such moments which I actually should be grateful for.

Today I actually dreamed of my partner being this point for me, because I dreamed that we were in two separate rooms in the same house, and I was ‘very busy’ as my ‘usual self’ in my room and he would just knock at the door and start dancing in the hall way and even through the stairs, which in that moment in my dream really assisted me to ‘get out of my seriousness’ for a moment and embrace that laugh, like I Allowed myself to precisely laugh at the moment while being quite glad that he was expressing himself in that way in a moment and sharing it with me. This means that this point of enjoyment I would have usually ‘denied’ this expression of myself in the moment because of considering it as ‘not important’ or ‘too happy for me’ or ‘too superficial’ or whatever, but in ‘waking life’ this is also becoming a point of expression and embracing it as well, which has been cool and a whole nother topic, but relates a bit to transcending some of that usual ‘knee jerk’ reaction to ‘expression’ for example.

I don’t ‘lose face’ for doing so or I don’t become ‘less serious about life’ with it, it’s actually the other way around: the more I want to stick to representing and embodying the ‘nature of the system, the nature of the reality for everyone out there’ as this doom and gloom, the more I create it, accept it and allow it within and so within others and as this reality.

This is quite a revelation for myself because how can I go desiring ‘change’ in this world if I am not fully embracing and standing as the very pillar in all of my being to embrace such change and constructive and expressive outcomes that are possible for all of us if we decide to stand as it as well? It is impossible if I continue to want to in a way sabotage it or maim it or expect it to ‘not work out’ after all – yep, quite the ‘evil’ as reverse of life here – and so it becomes a way to justify ‘my experience’ in the face of change and constructive, expressive, enjoyable moments and I become my very own obstacle, my very own ‘challenging experience’ that is actually not of Life.

 Life is not experiencing itself as ‘emotional’ stuckness, but it finds a way to continue, to grow, to purify, to adapt, to expand, always, even if all around and all the ‘variables’ are against it, the proof is we are still here so that potential is also within ourselves– and that’s what I decide here to stand as and decide to live in every moment as myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to justify my addiction to doom and gloom and believing that ‘I was more grounded in reality by embodying or constantly ‘bringing up into my experience’ – notice as an EXPERIENCE – the same or similar things that I actually only can Imagine people out there are going through in an attempt to ‘make a stand for them’ as in making of myself that embodiment, as the ‘one point’ that almost wants to ‘rain down on everyone’s parade’ as a reminder of ‘how things are not ok in life and in this world’ therefore ‘I cannot just join in the constructive and supportive and expressive side’ and let go of what I have defined as my ‘real side’ – all things related to sadness, suffering, self sabotage, destruction, doom and gloom – which is in fact just a personality trait and experience that I’ve become so used to ‘being in’/existing as.

 In this I realize that all the times I’ve recoiled or criticized people that I have judged or even spited as ‘too happy’ or ‘too expressive’ were actually moments where I could see that there was this inner struggle, inner ‘battle’ to embrace that as me or a potential of myself, which is in fact the change to create and make space for within myself (out of my comfort zone) – therefore, in a way becoming like the character of ‘Wednesday’ (Merlina in spanish) Addams when being around all the happy kids in the camp and standing as that one point and reminder of all things related to the ‘opposite’ the kind of happiness everyone was up to there – lol – which is kind of funny because it relates very much to a personality trait I’ve become and embodied as myself, and that has actually already caused me some health situations before based on this constant ‘mourn’ in a subtle manner that exists based on focusing and reacting to ‘all the bad stuff’ going on in the world and in a way ‘re-enacting’ it within myself whenever I am confronted with something of supportive or what I had defined as ‘positive’ in nature.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse of having this ‘undefined undercurrent experience within me that I don’t know what it is’ as apparently something that was ‘beyond my reach to change’, so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘this is always going to be with me’ and ‘I cannot change it’ because ‘It’s the nature of my beingness’ wherein even if that is so in terms of how we’ve all programmed ourselves to the core to stand as separation, as all things ‘of the mind’, no matter what, we can still make that constant decision to not ‘follow the mind flow’ or ‘the usual experience’ but instead actually stand as that self-creation point In the moment, and how I see that it will be is making a seemingly ‘small shift’ within myself wherein instead of judging something or someone that is constructive, expressive, playful and showing that potential of what life is and can be, I allow myself to embrace that/them as myself, as something I must physically create space for and embrace within myself, and this is possible once that I do not ‘fill in the gap’ in that moment with the usual ‘me’ that is accustomed to yes seeing the benefit of change, growth, expansion, expression, self-creation and agreeing with it at a Consciousness or Mind level, but at a BEING level, I have not yet been fully ‘in it and as it’ as the totality of who I am.

Therefore this is where I have to become very aware of these subtle moments where this seemingly ‘undefined’ discomfort emerges in me upon witnessing growth, expansion, expression, enjoyment, playfulness and life in its multiple ways and expressions emerging, and so in that moment I can decide to deliberately take a deep breath so as to ‘make space’ for this new me to embrace these potentials that a situation, a person, an environment is presenting to me and that I can decide to be a part of it without judging it as ‘positive’ standing as a counter act to ‘all the negative’ – I have to in this moment let go of my usual ‘equation’ or ‘balancing act’ of me standing as the ‘reminder of all the bad things in the world’ and actually make space and learn how to stand as that ‘embracing of life’ within and as myself.

 

It’s interesting because for the most part what I’ve done in this deliberate decision to do supportive things for myself and others is that yes, it has felt as very unnatural, but I also realize how this seemingly experience of ‘going against the flow’ also has to do with a resistance to change, to put it bluntly and simply really, because only a resistance persists in a particular ‘inertia’ state and not being fully willing to change or making it ‘difficult’ but in my case, it is definitely a matter of a decision to do so.

Yes, it might probably feel like I am entirely going ‘against my grain and core’ but I have to remind myself that if this is the nature of my beingness as ‘evil’ as the reverse of life that isn’t able to embrace life and all of its potential as me, as a possibility and reality for me; then how can I in any way continue ‘advocating for change’ or be ‘promoting change’ or ‘expect the world to change’ if I am not ENTIRELY to the core of my being living, embodying and existing as that very life within myself.

Here, I have to treat this the same way as I have treated any other addiction really, because it’s a comfort zone, it becomes a justification to all things that we believe ‘are not up for us to change or challenges as who we are’ when in fact, I can see the obviousness of how if there’s anything that I am reacting to or subtly creating a discomfort about a point of expansion, of potential, of life, change and growth, I must stand fully as my awareness of this particular pattern of addiction to pessimism and doom and gloom and ‘things not changing’ and ‘remembering the suffering of everyone else in the world’ and realize that it is completely Futile/useless for me to turn those facts into a personal experience as an emotion within me, that I am in fact Not changing myself and not working/standing/applying myself to be the change in itself even to the core of my being, which practically means ‘not just agreeing with words’ but make that actual shift at core level of the nature of myself that I want to live by and express as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to dishonor life in this blatant way, by holding on to my ‘preferred’ states of being with subtle rejoicing at all things destructive and of the mind which are in no way an actual demonstration of me being an example of ‘living life’ but more like continuing the trend of our entire existence of self-sabotage and comfort in self destruction, seeking change ‘out there’ instead of focusing to the detail of myself here, which is where I can empower myself as change.

 

I’ve realized through all the supportive interviews at Eqafe.com that there’s a very simple way to ground these seemingly ‘undefined’ experiences into a solution by directly asking myself: “what am I hiding, covering up, justifying, excusing and validating with ‘my experience’? or “What am I NOT wanting to take responsibility for in my life, in my experience that stands as a form of spite in the face of life?”

Is all of this something that is pretty to face and acknowledge exists within oneself? Nope, and I could go into shame as to ‘how the hell have I allowed this to exist within me!?’ and into blame and feeling bad about it, lol – that would only catapult myself back to where I was before opening up this whole point so, that’s how judging one’s actions is a double-layer fuck-up that can be short-circuited by deciding NOT to judge what we’ve lived and become, and instead just Directly and straight-forward go to the solutions, to the decisions of changes to be made, to the actual practicing and embodying of the change that I have paid lip-service for, but that I had not actually fully embraced to the core of my being as a potential yet to develop and create, and nurture within myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question my almost hatred and disdain towards that one aspect that my grandmother represented for me as the person that will always ‘feel bad’ about herself and only think about being sick and ill and even in the face of getting all the attention and support, sticking to complaining and making a big fuzz about things and almost like becoming addicted to conflict and fighting for her limitations, constant complain in most interactions I had with her and to judge her for that instead of first realizing that there is also a reason why she was like that.

So once that I looked and got to know of her entire life some of this made sense, but then I could also see how she literally abandoned herself, her life, her body, killing herself even if consciously ‘wanting to live’ and taking her meds, because her actions towards her body, her thoughts, her very relationships were not entirely that of actually wanting to stand as life, but more like the contrary. Here I have to forgive myself for judging my grandmother as this person that everyone in my family got to know I had a ‘conflictive’ relationship with, which also reflected how I wasn’t willing or even aware of taking such points that I disliked about her personality and her mind, and take them back to myself to see how I am living and embodying those same points within myself.

Of course when doing this, it’s not going to be ‘the exact same things’ she used to be and stand as, but I can read the pattern in terms of how I subtly‘cannot stand’  to see progress and development even if through my words and voice I can agree with it and support it, but I haven’t yet made the actual ‘space’ so to speak to truly embrace this as myself as an actual potential/possibility that exists for me, as myself, and for others as well.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss out the obvious points when it comes to investigating how I relate to and have judged some members in my family for showing certain traits that I’ve defined as plain horrible such as how it seems that anyone’s well being or good fortune creates a discomfort in them, and how I could ‘not make sense of it’ because of how I could not fathom – apparently – that someone could feel that way in the face of potential and support and  growth/expansion! – yet I have done the exact same thing yet not seeing it for what it actually is, but suppressing it interestingly enough as this nature of ‘how I am’ and not questioning it.

So, the devil is in the detail as in I have thought that as long as I deliberately utter words that are supportive and geared to create solutions, I was being the solution – but this is more of a physical experience that I am now aware of is there as an undercurrent/underlying presence that I had not challenged/question to the core within myself, therefore this is more of a physical embracing of life itself, not only at a knowledge and information level, but as a … how to explain it? A making of space and so a deliberate stand to embrace such potential, growth, expansion, awareness, change, development, expression, self-creation.

I’ve seen how many of us that are ‘too concerned’ about the world out there actually become this very ‘problem’ ourselves where we focus too damned much in the ‘outside’ that we forget to look at the very details of how, where and why we are creating this very same problem or recreation of friction and conflict within ourselves in our minds, thoughts, experiences and we don’t even question it or notice it and that’s a huge problem, because then we will recreate our addiction to only seeing the problems, to the hidden and covert ‘blame’ towards whatever or whoever or the system itself for why things not change, instead of realizing change as myself at this very core, not only in thought, word and deed or ‘good intentions’, because I’ve thought I was doing it, but this is also a BEING decision, a who I am and how I relate to or decide to express myself In the face of seeing/witnessing/standing in front of and in the midst of potential, growth, expansion, change, development, support, enjoyment and all of that which I have denied within myself as a potential of myself.

I can see that in both of my family lines, the constant experience was that of suffering, of pain, of dread, of depression, of inferiority, of melancholy and the rest of it, so, this is something that had become so ‘natural’ to me that I had not questioned it yet I can see this almost ‘addiction’ to misery of sorts, very weird! Yes but not to judge it any further though, but to understand it as just another way in which we function in our minds – some people are geared to the ‘happy’ and ‘all things positive’ in their minds, and some others are the opposite and I happened to be geared more in the ‘opposite’ so, I am just part of that polarity that divides ourselves in experiences instead of rather being able to embrace potential as life, undefined of ‘charges’.

I realize that it has been a very sneaky and subtle way for me to actually disempower myself when it comes to embracing possibilities of change, wherein a form of pessimism or negativity or ‘sticking to the reality of the majority’ becomes a comfort zone as well, wherein I use that as a reason and excuse of why I cannot embrace that change, expansion, possibility, creativity, expression within myself. And this is exactly the kind of personality I have embodied for most of my life.

Who I am within using ‘the facts’ as the reality of what is here in this world as an excuse of why I cannot embrace that potential of expansion, growth, expression, enjoyment as myself? I am avoiding responsibility to change myself, I am abdicating my own ability and going into a disempowerment which becomes also a comfort zone as to ‘why I cannot do anything to change the WHOOOLE world and system out there’ therefore, I remain in this sense of ‘stuckness’ to not take the point absolutely back to myself and see how I am still reacting and accepting this experience as ‘unchangeable’ within me, even in the most subtle/tiny experiences and situations when in fact, if there is one place where I can in fact stand fully as the change, is within myself.

So I essentially have to stop using the world, the ‘state of affairs’ of how things currently are as an excuse, reason and justification of why I cannot embrace actual and genuine change as in embracing and so giving creation to what exists as a potential of growth, development, expansion, self-creation and self-expression, wherein it has become easier for me to agree to it ‘at a mind level’ but not yet fully embrace it as the new nature of my being that I decide to live by – which is a great, great difference.

In my sneaky mind I validated this experience as something ‘true’ to myself, I even saw it as a way of being ‘compassionate’ to others maybe, a way to ‘care for others’ but this exists only as a moral facade really, as a ‘caring for others’ at a personality level, because as long as I don’t care entirely to change this very mechanism of spitefulness within me, how can I dare to say ‘I care for others and change in the world?’ I Cannot, because the very reaction that I am presenting to such actual change and possibilities is that of the reverse of embracing it, and that cannot continue being so in my being.

And this is something that I know for a fact is not only existent ‘in me’: our very nature at a mind and beingness level is that of containing some form of self-destruction, to keep ourselves controlled and in the comfortable illusion of disempowerment.

It is in that comfortable illusion of ‘being disempowered’ that we become the very embodiment of the systems that we are trying to apparently ‘change’ out there… this is so essential to understand really, it can potentially define the entire starting point that anyone can have toward creating ‘change’ in fact, and that’s how I’ve explained in past blogs that I no longer seek the change ‘out there’ but rather focus on the very necessary and indispensable change within each one of us, and it begins with these subtle changes that might take some attention and focus to become aware of, but one simply knows when there’s something ‘coming up’ as an experience in ourselves and that’s already a reaction, might not be a set of thoughts but subtle physical experiences, and that is IT.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not question this seemingly underlying experience within me that emerges every time there’s a witnessing or awareness on constructive, self supportive, developments, growth, self-creation and all things that are actually supportive wherein I would have a ‘discomfort’ within me, very subtle – yet brushed it aside every time, hoping it would ‘change’ itself, but I had not realized that it’s not so much me rationalizing ‘change’ but also at a being level making a decision to embrace these potentials as the life that exists within me, as the examples others are presenting of this and rather be grateful that I am seeing this now, rather than ‘later on’ or ‘never’ and continuing ‘tolerating’ my mind as this subtle physical experience.

 I realize that my affinity with doom and gloom is a way of keeping myself in a personality trait that even if I can in common sense I’ve seen the benefits of learning to live in a supportive manner, at a very deep/being level I wasn’t making that whole decision for myself entirely, but more at a knowledge and information level, more of a ‘moral’ stand point if you will instead of making the actual space to embrace and so develop such potentials to then focus on creating them as myself, as what I have yet to create as myself which sure, I have no ‘scheme’ or ‘predefined’ sets for, but I have seen glimpses of my potential and expression and abilities and skills, so I can continue developing those further and continuing learning from others, embracing them as examples I can learn from, which are other human beings in this same process that I learn a lot from, which is remarkable to say the  least and demonstrates the possibility of this at a humanity level.

This is a one point I ‘brushed off’ aside for so long I see, and all I can say is that this will be quite the challenge for me based on the subtle yet very noticeable change to be made here… I shall report back in time how I go bringing it into creation, into application in real time which is what this process is all about. Here I only suggest to be aware of points like these because it might get to a point where it’s not necessarily a set of thoughts popping into one’s head, but a very, very subtle physical reaction that one knows ‘it’s there’ and one has to then open it up to see it for what it is, to understand the pattern when it emerges and so see deeper into it.

That’s it for now, thanks for reading

 

Suggested recordings for the day:

 

 

Merlina Addams

 

LOL!

 

Learn and walk with us how to Embrace and Create Life here:


275. Child Addicts: Problem–Solution–Rewards

In the Equal Money Capitalism, we are presenting the current problems that are affecting our society, directing it toward a solution and looking at how we will all be benefited from having a world that stops running in self-abusive, harmful and destructive patterns.

In this blog, we are continuing from the presentation of the problem in the last post 274. Child Drug Addicts – here we are directing the problem toward a solution that invariably generates equal rewards. This means that the same pattern of rehabilitation and solution can be applied to any other country/ population that presents a similar problematic.

Watch the documentary Afghanistan’s Child Drug Addicts in order to become aware of how drug addictions does not only mean ‘wanting to escape’ reality out of fun and having enough money to sponsor your own escapist-habits.

 

  • Problem:

War in Afghanistan  has destroyed the city, many have been killed leaving families without parents to take care of children.

– Males use drugs in order to be able to work longer hours, which means not enough money is made and as such, bring the addictions home and spread even to 1 and a half year old babies.

– Children lose limbs because of the war and have no medicines to cope with the pain, villages are attacked wherein civilians become casualties of war. Parents have no other option but to give them opium to ease the pain, which leads them to become addicts from then on.

 

Psychological Damage: Teenagers suffer from depression because of loss of family members in bombings/ witnessing suicide bombers/ seeing dead people and having to recover from the traumatic experience which means, coping with suicidal tendencies.

– Families torn apart by the wars – hence children as young as 11 years old turn to drugs to cope with reality.

– Children turn to prostitution from the age of 8 years old in order to fund their own addictions – there’s no jobs/ no work.

– The Afghan powder/ heroin is the cheapest in the world here because of drug cartels now turning their poppy harvest into heroin, so it is ubiquitous. One gram is over 1 Pound.

 

– Poverty: High rates of unemployment make of drug addiction the common way of spending time and curbing the need for food.

– Adult population turn heroin addicts in order to cope with a reality where no support is given.

– Children are adopting the patterns of the parents within the consumption of heroin in order to mitigate hunger.

– No health provided, no doctors available, no support on how to deal with child addicts.

– Food is more expensive than opium.

– People would sell drugs to make a decent living, and with the eradication of their plantations, they have no other option but taking drugs due to lacking food.

– Not able to afford medicines, opium is the answer.

Family Crisis: Parents  give opium to their children in order to mitigate hunger

– Half of all opium users give it to their children of which the number is in the rise due to no solutions.

– Other children just become addicts due to the parents’ smoke

– Parents give their children drugs in order to cope with the pain and hunger.

– There’s not enough food to feed the whole family and when smoking opium, they lose the appetite.

Drug Addiction is seen as a dishonor in Islam : leads people to be afraid to ask for support.

– Only one center deals with child addiction in the entire country.

 

Consequences:

– A Generation of Drug addicts is created.

 

  • Solution:

– No more wars in order to obtain resources from other countries

– No more wars against ‘terrorism’ as wars are in itself terrorism

– Changing the harvesting of heroin for money into foods for human consumption. Drug consumption won’t be a necessity if everyone is given equal support.

– Proper living conditions that ensure all people have access to decent jobs such as reconstruction/ building of houses, schools and all the infrastructure that has been destroyed with the wars

– Education to parents in order to take care of their children with proper medical health supervision to not treat any form of ache with opium

– Educating the population about the long term addiction problems that ensue when giving their children opium/ heroin.

– Access to food,  water, sanitation services, education, nutritional and parenting counseling while developing crops to grow actual food and not drugs.

– Rehabilitation programs that are openly supported by the government: no more religious veto toward addictions which means, facing the problem as the national crisis it has become.

– Kids without parents given to proper adoptive ones that will ensure no abuse is committed onto them.

 

  • Rewards: 

– Peace, safety, tranquility for all inhabitants in the world with ceasing fire and all forms of warfare.

-Resources that were directed toward defense against the invasion can now be directed to support the population to get to live in dignified living conditions.

– Healthy living conditions/ environments wherein people can learn how to take care of their children while having access to proper food, water, sanitation, education and practical care considerations to ensure no more addictions are generated due to lack of money.

– Education availability based on self-care, proper nutritional habits and taking care of the environment as well as involving the parents to rebuild the city/ houses given the necessary means to do so.

– An actual historical treasure that this country represents could be open for visits without having tourists fearing to be another causality of war or kidnapped.

– No more child prostitution or drug addiction, no more depression or suicidal bombers – the living conditions given in equality generate a sense of well being within all individuals, ensuring real happiness as an actual possibility that will never again  be silenced by the sound of a bomb.

– Ensuring a generation of human beings that learn the consequences of war and poverty as they are supported to gain stability through communal support toward the reconstruction and rehabilitation of themselves and their environment.

 

Read all about the Equal Money Capitalism here in the Economist’s Journey to Life and the Equal Money System website

Equal Money Capitalism

 

 

 

 

Must Hear Interviews:


266. The Secret behind Addictions

When a problem is not addressed at its root cause, for the human it is the mind for instance in how it functions thought by thought, solutions for human society will not be possible” – Bernard Poolman

 

I watched the discussion/ talk called Brain Development & Addiction with Gabor Mate in order to understand addiction at a chemical level. We are aware the we always seek to ‘feel good’ and this is one aspect that is currently understood in relation to this constant feel-good experiences that are generated by chemical compounds such as opiates and dopamine that are part of the brain circuits wherein impulse control and stress control are also a part of. These basic categorization is what leads us to address the infamous ‘chemical imbalances’ wherein only through these chemical compounds obtained through an induced manner – either through drugs or energetic associations to people/ places/ environments – one is able to experience as sense of fulfillment and enjoyment.

Opiates, according to Dr. Gabor Mate create the experiences of love, connection, reward, pain relief.  Dopamine creates the experience of incentive, motivation, vitality, curiosity and as sense of ‘being alive.’  Thus it is definitely so that these are energetic-experience requirements that are beyond being only brain-sent requirements, there is a much deeper explanation to all of this and it is through understanding how the Quantum Mind operates that we are able to finally understand why we are never in fact ‘stable’ even if we have all the support of the world to live in dignity, because we find rich people also being hooked on drugs and alcohol or any other type of activity that creates a temporary rush. Sure, people living in poverty also use drugs to mitigate hunger and evade a reality that is not ensuring that they get equal support just as anyone else that was born in a family of wealth and social benefits, however we have realized that it is not only money the point that defines the well being of the individual, but also the care and basic forms of parenting that must be understood in order to see from where does this inherent desire to seek for ‘more’ come from.

 

The understanding of how these experiences are created go beyond any current understanding promoted by contemporary science and the reason why is because the mind is not a physical system, but an interdimensional system that is out of sigh for us human beings. This implies the following point: We have become in essence subject to our own mind to use it as a tool to ‘get to know ourselves,’ which is limited to the possibility of only see the consequential outflow as chemicals such as opiates, dopamine, endorphins and any other chemical that are the result of processes that take place beyond any spectrum and understanding of our conscious, subconscious and unconscious mind, but exist within the domain of the Quantum Mind and Quantum Physical.

 

The mind’s relationship to the physical body is not yet a basic understanding that should exist as the foundation of any psychological problematic that we are only attributing to chemical imbalances and treat with drugs that do Not solve the problem, but involve the consumption of chemicals that will artificially sustain this well-being experience through drugs/ medication toward which the ‘patient’ eventually becomes addicted to. And not only the people that take drugs in legal/ illegal manners are drug addicts: we are all essentially on the same boat. We just get our fix through thinking, becoming emotional, thinking positive and all the best feelings in the world, through activities that we have attached to an experience of vitality, liveliness, feeling good, being on ‘top of the world,’ which includes virtually anything that we use to get ourselves to a constant High in the mind – yes, the mind – but, where’s the Physical then?

 

That is precisely the point to walk here: how through the definition of our well being according to who we are as the mind as these temporary fixes of ‘love, connection, happiness, reward, motivation, vitality’ turned to an energetic fix of ‘being alive’ we have neglected in fact how such self-induced experiences operate at a quantum mind level which means, beyond any form of current mind-awareness that we could gather from self-investigation with our own pair of eyes. Yes, we are talking about interdimensional support and assistance through the Portal at Desteni through which the most advanced mind-technology investigation is being presented in all the current series that are finally allowing us to understand our entire relationship of who we are as the mind toward our physical reality. Quantum Mind Self Awareness Series as well as Quantum Systemization are key points of study for anyone that is willing to go beyond ‘chemical imbalances’ to understand the constant necessary feel-good experiences at a mind level, while neglecting how the mind uses/ consumes the physical body/ flesh/ tissue in order to generate such ‘feel good’ experiences, because the quantum mind as a system of energy will use any form of thought process to associate to an either positive or negative experience to cause friction and conflict which is what generates enough ripple effects that the mind is able to generate within the physical tissue/ flesh of the physical human body in order to ‘power up’ these thoughts, feelings and emotions that we believe is ‘who we are’ and we end up building our entire lives and make decisions according to these basic energetic experiences that we blindly follow as ‘who we are.’

To read more about this, I suggest reading the past entries that explain from various angles this basic mechanism of how the mind operates within the physical body and why following a ‘feel good’ mentality is causing us the current depletion and neglect of the physical world in the name of our personal stability At a Mind-Level.

 

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

 

An actual Sound and Stable Solution that we are able to propitiate/ give to ourselves by the mere fact of being a living-breathing being, is through equal and one self support in a global social, economical and political system that ensures we all get equal support to live in the best conditions possible and sustainable in this world. For that, the entire system must be changed, because our system is the result of having sought for these never-quenching experiences of ‘having more’ / being happy/ obtaining power through money that has become our own demise as we realize it is unsustainable to continue giving all our ‘power’ to sustain a system of abuse – and this same system is the one that runs in an exact and equal manner within ourselves as the constant strive for ‘feeling good’ that we create at a mind level, then seeking to satisfy ourselves in any way we can, even if that implies abusing ourselves, which is how it has worked thus far.

 

Thus, the experiences that we can all define would be best for all as these ‘brain circuits’ that Dr. Gabor Mate describes can be and become a living-physical expression if we decide to implement a system that can ensure that all kids are born in families where every individual will be qualified to give birth to another life/ child, ensuring everyone has equal support through money that ensures health care, proper nutrition and infrastructure – shelter, food, sanitation, water, clothing – as well as parental education is in place to create a suitable environment for children to be born into this world – and I quote Economist’s Journey to Life here: Equal Money Capitalism – Preparing the Road for Change:

“CHILDREN

When a child is born, the parents’ company/companies will allocate an equal profit share for the child – which will be added to the parent’s profit share. Every parent will have a company – because everyone will be employed.”
http://economistjourneytolife.blogspot.com/2012/12/day-164-equal-money-capitalism.html

 

“The government only represent the same controls we allow within the mind and is thus an externalization of the inner world of the people. That is why Government acts in ways that are seemingly strange, yet it is what the people actually want to remain in the inner world of self deception and self interest. This will be a most difficult journey to change our world to what is best for all–which must include Government as some level of universal management is required to have some freedom for all. The problem is not addressed at the mind level where it exist as each one attempts to protect their mind, thoughts and feelings as if it is sacred, without understanding how it is created” – Bernard Poolman 

 

This single basic certainty of self support ensures that parents have No worries, No stress to give birth to a child, this ensures that people will be able to spend quality time with their babies in a world wherein everyone will be equally stable and confident, since everyone will have all that is required to live. This creates a sense of well being within the progenitors that will define the stability and condition of the new baby in order to grow in a sound and self-supportive environment, immediately becoming used to living as a physical being that is whole, here, complete instead of a baby that picks up the current worry, concern and stress that people have due to debt, lack of money/ resources, lack of education of how to take care of a newborn, having relationship problems, addictions, manias and a total ‘flawed nature’ that is the reflection of who we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be in the mind, which is creating what this entire world currently Is and exists as. This is in conjunction to what Dr. Mate explains as the negative effects that lacking an ‘available, non stressed nurturing emotionally available parenting care giver’ creates as potential addicts that seek to activate these basic experiences of completion through chemically induced experiences, while they could have been developed as a natural physical experience that is not constantly sought as an Energetic experience, but are simply not sought since the same stability that equal support provides will ensure who we are as the mind is no longer seeking for this never ending desire for ‘more.’ We are all addicts, we have said that before – so we rather stop condemning  ourselves, take responsibility and create solutions at a world-system level, not through medications or street drugs that lead to harm and self abuse.

 

So, if we only allow sound stable parents to have children, all the ‘future of the world’ will ensure to continue this living stability as they know nothing else but that: stability, cooperation, care, support, consideration, empathy, compassion, all of which ensures that life is then actually lived and not survived in this world, and this is what common sense is all about: implementing what’s Best for All through preventing addictions and mind-fixes that lead to self destruction.

 

Through this unconditional support, love, connection, reward, incentives, motivation, vitality, curiosity, a sense of being alive and ways to cope with stress won’t exist as some chemical sought in drugs, people, places, activities that we associate positive experiences to in our minds, but we will rather understand how Not to participate in a mind that will constantly seek for a ‘fix’ to continue its survival as a parasitical system within ourselves that we have been mostly unaware of in terms of how it functions, we have only seen the consequences but Never understood the mechanisms and that is why and how Desteni and all the interview series at Eqafe are of vital study for any human being that is willing to finally discover the ‘missing pieces of the puzzle’ in terms of addictions and any other psychological and reality-functioning aspect that has never quite ‘fit’ in all the vast theories and studies proposed by our most laureate scientists, because no one until now had been able to see the exact mechanisms and functions of the Quantum Mind in the physical body interdimensionally.

 

This is ground breaking information that Must be studied in order to take responsibility for our own addictions, to understand the problem is to get half of the solution in place, the second half is implementing it and that begins with and within ourselves through walking a process of Self Support in order to stand equal and one to the mind that we have defined as ‘the problem,’ simply because of not understanding who we really are and what we are in relation to the mind, how the mind operates interdimensionally upon the physical body and what we can do to practically stop such self-abuse and support ourselves to become living beings:

 

Equal Money System – The economic, political and social revolution that will ensure all living beings are born in a self-supportive environment where no more lack of money, care and stress result in needy human beings seeking for a fulfillment through addictive chemical substances – we instead Prevent the problem through presenting the cure and solution: Living Life As the Physical Body and Stopping Participation in the Mind as who we are – but for that, a Process is walked:

Desteni I Process

Desteni Lite Process – Basic steps to get to know yourself as your mind

Desteni Forum To read all the self support through various processes of self correction in relation to the mind

 

 

Blogs:

 

Interviews/ Basic Self Education about the mind, the physical body and world system:


259.Drug Addiction Prevented by Unconditional Living Support

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

I commit myself to create a world system and society that is based on equalizing everyone’s living condition to the best living condition that we all agree would be what is best for all, a society wherein one will no longer have to depend on money to live but rather work and develop oneself to receive equally a remuneration from the contributions that one does to a system that ensures all living beings have equal support and no one is left behind – this is what will ensure that there are no more systems/ governments to fight against/ rage against – but rather work with to create and manifest a world wherein life is finally dignified for all.

 

I commit myself to stop my own self abuse through seeking an energetic experience as a synonym of ‘being alive’ and instead, breathe and walk this Self Honesty process to ensure that all the past that I have accepted and allowed as ‘my personality’ and as this world system in the ‘greater picture’ finally stops within me – within this realizing that there is no need to continue spiting the past, but rather focusing on stopping the past, becoming the solution to stand as the pillar of the actual new way of living, which is and will only be life in Equality, because it is how things should have always been.

 

I commit myself to make of myself as my own decision to live my motivation and also to create a world-system wherein I would also want to live in for the rest of my existence, as this ensures that no matter where one is/ in which form within this existence, we are all equally supporting an actual dignified living condition for all. This thus implementing the law of our being as equality and oneness wherein implementing such law is what I commit myself to do and live till it is done.

 

I commit myself to expose how within stopping the consumption of drugs and alcohol, one face one of the greatest decisions: do we continue supporting self abuse or not and as such, share how it is through stopping drugs and the constant addiction to ‘feel good’ that one is able to finally establish a point of self-acceptance as a physical body that breathes, eats, shits and relates to other beings as a form of coexistence, which is the reality that is here and any other desire for a ‘moreness’ as an energetic experience must be seen as what it is, a mechanism of self abuse that must be stopped by each one of us realizing our responsibility toward our physical, our mind and this world system that we all collectively and individually co-create.

 

I commit myself to expose how drugs are the perfect way to keep slaves happy, because as long as people have a way to ‘escape reality,’ they won’t investigate and stand up for a way to change the system, instead of coping within it or antagonizing, which only perpetuates the irresponsibility we all hold toward each other.

 

I commit myself to expose how the entire drug culture is contributing to the current capitalist system wherein corruption is feasible where a lot of money is injected through illegal means to a drug trafficking business along with any other criminal activity that is only existent due to the same lack of money as well as greed for money and experiences that are only detrimental to the human being and the environment we co-create.

 

I commit myself to continue exposing how the solution will not come through retaliation and opposition toward the system using drugs as a way to ‘spite’ the system, but instead commit myself to live a life of sobriety in all ways wherein one can finally learn what it is to live in the physical, stopping seeking experiences that only happen at a mind level and that are expensive, harmful and addictive habits that should not be lobbied by any person that understands the responsibility shared when providing drugs/ sponsoring drugs to another being, which is unacceptable within the laws of what neighborism is: give to another what you would want for yourself and as such

 

I commit myself to support myself to always see and realize that any good feeling search is not really me as who I am as the physical seeking such ‘good feeling’ but only the mind that feeds off of emotions and feelings – thus

 

I commit myself to live the realization that breathing, being here in the physical body is the way to face oneself and breathe through any withdrawal symptom of stopping feeding a mind with thoughts that only lead us to seek for ‘greater experiences’ that end up in further abuse and neglect.

I commit myself to expose how there will be no need to use drugs/ seek for ‘greater experiences’ in a system wherein life will be finally given and received in equality and no longer sold to those who happen to have money by chance.

It is then my responsibility to ensure I focus on that which is leading toward a best for all outcome, and that any desire to experience something more is seen and understood as the mind seeking a fix that leads nowhere but further separation from what is here – it is to stop, breathe, and keep moving in the physical.

 

I commit myself to expose how there is no ‘easy way out’ in this reality and that consuming drugs is only a way to ignore the problem and aggravate it, since all drug cultures require money and as such it is to instead inform how money must be changed in the way it functions and as such, focus on supporting ourselves to Live as equals and working together to implement an actual dignified way of living through the Equal Money System and through this, educate ourselves about how the mind operates in the physical body and as such establish our own commitments to be the points that stop from feeding this machinery that works currently on desires, wants and needs that are not common sensical in most of the cases thus

 

I commit myself to stop following through the constant seeking of a ‘better experience’ and instead, focus on living/ doing/ working on the solutions that we all require to see as the foundation of the best living condition that we can all support to co-create once that more and more human beings realize that we have the actual ability to decide what is best for all and we can all vote to implement such best for all modalities that will mean an actual democracy that is a demonstration of the love we always liked to believe we had, but never actually placed into application – thus it is to Love our neighbor as ourselves and that will ensure that no single being is left behind, secluded and resorting to any form of escapism to avoid responsibility or facing ones world and reality, and extending a hand for support.

 

I commit myself to point out how any complain toward the system must be taken back to self to see how we are all equally responsible for everything that happens in this reality and as such, understand and focus on getting to know how such system is created at a thought level and this thus indicate we are all equally responsible for what is here.

I commit myself to create awareness of how this world is the reflection of ourselves as our mind and that any desire to ‘retaliate’ against it or ‘escape’ from it, is detrimental activity as it enhances the mind itself instead of assisting and supporting oneself to take responsibility for who and what we have become within such desires.

 

I commit myself to expose how drugs as any other business are very profitable system that works in illegal frameworks that only perpetuate the same system of abuse and as such, we all have to stop participating in any form of profitable activity that is based on self abuse within humanity.

I commit myself to explain how it is possible to implement a system that no more leads everyone to a a desires to ‘escape the system,’ but rather create enough awareness of how it is only us that can take the wheel/ make the decision to  live a life where the only experience is being here physically breathing.

 

This is thus a commitment to change from the source and the root of the ‘problem’ which is ourselves,  wherein through understanding how our mind works, how we drive ourselves to create any form of instability, desire, want  and need within our mind only, the responsibility is irrevocably here as an individual choice to either stop participating in such energetic seekings or not. I commit myself to stop seeking to satisfy an experience without ensuring that all beings have equal access to it as myself as well – this is to understand that it is not to condemn experiences, but the availability of it to everyone and such experiences being destined to exist as an actual enjoyment in the physical without requiring a substance to do so, other than oxygen, physical movement and expression which is what I find the most enjoyable: being able to share and coexist with beings that are willing to live in Equality as Life.

 

I commit myself to explain how it is through creating a system of self support that any drug addiction will be preventable, as all of them are based on a form of individual delirium as the mind that seeks to escape an unbearable self-experience and reality that mostly stems from the inability to live in the best condition possible within a world wherein everywhere you look, you can see life being supported and no longer abused only for the benefit of some.

 

I commit myself to implement an educational system wherein self-worth as life is lived and recognize within one another as a living fact wherein actual support is given to all beings equally, as this is what living words is about and as such, never again create disillusionment within ourselves as individuals existing in a constricting system, but rather learn from an early age to value life as who we are and be valued/ supported unconditionally the same way by the system – this is the actual giving and receiving as an actual caring that can definitely ‘move mountains’ and that is yet to be lived and witnessed by all that care enough to live at last, a life in Equality.

From previous post:

It is thus to realize that there will be no need to ‘escape from reality’ if we all instead dedicate ourselves to create a world system that supports all beings equally as Life, creating an actual respect for oneself and each other to create a system wherein on one will have a need to ‘escape’ an actual heaven on Earth we can all agree to create through a democratic vote that each one has the power to exert within the  Equal Money System – it is about time we stop numbing and harming our being that is fully functional and that of others through promoting ways to ‘escape the system’ and instead, work together to make of it the system and reality that we have always wanted to live in but believed ourselves to be incapable of changing – that is no more.

 

“Every Human Being Claim ‘the Right to Life’, yet there is no Protection of this Right – unless you, in the Current Capitalism, have the Benefit of Money; this Equal Money Capitalism (EMC), will Prevent. What will also be Prevented, is War. As War is Profit-Driven.
It is Time for a New World System. One Based on Prevention, instead of Reaction. One Based on Honouring the Right of Life, Equally for All.
Join the Journey to Life, and Become Part of a Solution.“ – Bernard Poolman 

 

 

Further support:

Go to the Equal Money System website and vote for our proposals to establish a world system where prevention of drug addiction will be part of our basic policies when understanding to what extent ignoring how the mind functions within the physical leads to the creation of abuse as our current world system.

 

Unconditional Living Support = Equal Money System

 

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Educational Self Support:


165. Following Self Interest is In Fact Self Abuse

Continuing from the blogs:

Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Statements (part 2 on Self Trust and Self Interest within Procrastination)

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to tamper my own ability to live absolute self trust by deliberately stopping my absolute dedication to the points of responsibility that I have at hand and within this, waver in my self-trust as the certainty of living a decision that I had proved to myself I am able to live by/ stand as

 

When and as I see myself wavering in my stance in relation to self-trust within the words that I speak, my expression and my living commitments – I stop and I breathe – this is where the point of self honesty must be established in an absolute manner, wherein I realize that taking care of the points that I have to do in fact create a point of self-trust according to my own application which is Not an experience, but an actual physical doing/ directing within the consideration of what is best to do and live, which is doing all that which is required to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ‘waver’ within my self honesty and within my application as it, waver in self trust wherein such uncertainty and middle-road standing creates an outflow/ consequence of me not standing fully and directively within the consideration of me establishing patterns and habits within my physical process that I’ll be living as within the integration of self-corrective application as the physical, which implies that

When and as I see myself wanting to postpone/ procrastinate/ leave aside a point that is here for me to direct – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a pattern of physical consistency and continuity as part of my self corrective application, which implies that everything that I do as a regular/ habitual manner becomes part of my physical process of aligning my words, thoughts and deeds to what is best for all. Thus I realize that I must support myself to create habits and patterns of self support at all times, wherein I ensure that that which I am integrating and imprinting as my physical body is in fact habits/ patterns that are self supportive which includes, directing myself in the moment whenever I see that there is a point to direct and give a solution to, which is the point of self support that ensures one does not create further consequence and lag within taking on a task/ project/ job to do, and within this compromise myself and anyone involved in the decision made.

I commit myself to at all times consider that any fleeting moment of self interest to ‘leave things aside,’ imply me giving head to a single thought in my head to not follow through that which is physically here to be done. Therefore, it is to at all times realize and take into consideration the inner and outer process I am walking wherein all the individual points that I decide to live and apply must be in alignment with a process of self-corrective application wherein I ensure that I in fact stop re-creating past patterns of procrastination.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to grow a point to an unbearable pressure due to having feared talking about it/ expressed my own relationship of procrastination toward this particular project wherein the single thought of me having to ‘do it all over again’ and the time frames involved within that, lead me to simply procrastinate it even further, thus it is to realize how the moment that I continue accumulating ‘points’ toward a point of procrastination, I am supporting the separation, the abuse and the lack of self commitment that I have judged in others, which is something that is clearly revealing to myself how It is that one can be actually spiteful and bite the hand that feeds the moment that we don’t live the words of self correction that we had established for ourselves.

When and as I see myself accumulating a point to give direction to, apply, change – I stop and I breathe – I realize that who I am is defined by the actions or inactions I do – therefore if I am here to live a correction it is to stand absolute as the commitment to get things done/ give direction to that which requires to be physically done – and all of this within the consideration that an actually doing implies a commitment that must be physically translated into a moment of me simply doing it.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become subject to my exigencies and desires at a mind level to instead of directing me to work on the point, I distract myself with ‘something else told to do,’ which is not in any way part of an actual realization of who we are as the point of ‘following our desires’ and deliberately shoving aside a point of self support..

When and as I see myself seeking for my own point of self-interest as that which makes me ‘feel better’ other than doing the tasks that I required to do, I stop and I breathe. I realize that at an individual level this leads us to remain constricted by our own believed points of ‘self enjoyment’ that are not really standing as a point of expansion and self support but instead represent that very ‘cage’ that I have defined and confined myself into which I believe makes me ‘feel better,’ when in fact the reality is that the more I postpone, the greater the ‘load’ gets.

I commit myself to realize that every moment I postpone, I end up having to THINK about everything I didn’t do, which is how I contribute to my own self abuse within the realization that every time that I think, I consume myself as the physical life that is here and that in fact allows me to do whatever is required to be done, because I see and realize that all the exigencies of the mind will only ever support the mind itself to continue evolving and transforming into an ‘upgraded system’ wherein Life is nowhere to be found, because as long as the mind is supported by me ‘following my thoughts,’ I in fact become The provider as my own physical to continue procrastination which is a point of abdicating responsibility while believing that I am in fact doing something ‘better/ making myself happier’ which is not at all so, as happiness/ feeling good is also an energetic experience where self’s stability as the physical is not existent. 

Thus, this is to really take the point of procrastination beyond the perceived ‘self interest’ that we believe we are in fact following, and realizing how we have in fact only served the mind/ energy wherein instead of supporting ourselves to expand ourselves, we end up limiting and compromising our very own life every time that we believe there are no consequences to one single moment that we push aside one day further that which is required to be done today. This is the process and there is definitely nothing else to do but walk the necessary talk to integrate within our very physical habits the living decision of doing at all times that which is best for all.

 

I commit myself to walk the various dimensions within the procrastinator as a character to ensure that I in fact realize in detail how I created the point and within this ensure that I stop the pattern for once and for all.

A point that I will go into in relation to the Thought dimension is  Satisfaction, which I suggest one read at the forum 

 

Desteni

Desteni I Process

Equal Money System 

woe

 

Blogs:

Character Dimensions – IMAGINATION Dimension (Part 1): DAY 165

DAY 165: After Death Communication – Part 14:

Let’s Talk to the Dead

 

Interview: Life is NOT Energy:

“Don’t be conned by the complexity of Self Interest”

 

Interviews:

 

Free Download:


63. The Perfect Drug

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think it is absurd to be addicted to conflict,  yet all actions and deeds are now revealing that I had in fact used stories and pictures as people and relationships to cover up the actual truth of myself: an energetic junky that thrived upon conflict, pain and distress used to continue existing as a mind that thrives upon energy.

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was ‘okay’ with people that have been addicted to drugs, and even believing that I was ‘attracted to people that had been into drugs’ which was only mind mind speaking as I now realize that these relationships have been the point of most conflict in my world that I made myself ‘keen to’ that deliberately, as that is the only way that my mind could continue functioning: through delving into conflictive relationships and situations just for the sake of keeping myself occupied in my mind and never ever seeing the truth of what I was in fact doing to myself, because I blinded it off with the idea of ‘love’/ attraction/ care or else toward others.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I could become addicted to people which was never about ‘someone’ specific, but what the person represented as a point of conflict that I became addicted to as a mind to be constantly generating feelings and emotions as  a way to keep myself/ my mind alive through constantly having to charge thoughts up with either a positive or negative experience about something and someone, so that my mind could get its fix. Therefore it was never about people being ‘addicted’ the point of attraction but me being addicted to the conflict such pattern represented within me, so that I could generate an inner-experience of mixed emotions with feelings that lead me to become a wreck within actual dependency to fear of losing relationships in my world, which was never about ‘the person’ but the pattern that I had become addicted to: conflict, troubles, self-abuse.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I could never be addicted to something that I had deemed as ‘negative,’ yet my actions spoke more than my words and now I see and realize that myself as my mind feeds off of positive and negative energy alike, because it is in the actual conflict and friction that the mind gets its fix from, no matter what pole it is generated in -which is what I’ve only now been able to realize about myself and my relationships thanks to the Desteni I Process, the interviews on money energy at eqafe, on sex and relationships and the Heaven’s Journey to Life blog that has become the ‘lantern’ in a space that was completely dark and even hidden within our understanding as humanity and existence as a whole. 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be addicted to conflict, as this is what I would base my apparent attraction to troubled people, it was only my mind luring myself into that which would generate the most friction within me, in order to continue generating energy within me being preoccupied and in constant fear, anxiety and mixed feelings that would cover up such basic conflict, which is how we pair ourselves up in a way wherein we actually remain within the most conflictive relationships to keep the mind ‘in place’ and where it was ‘meant to be’ for the mind to always get its fix.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not hear common sense but go with ‘what my heart dictated’ which was not my heart, but my mind as the required energy to continue existing as a mind that thrives upon self-abuse in a literal manner wherein we drain the physical, the substance that we are and convert it into energy which is a reduced form of life that has a positive or a negative charge with a beginning and an end– I realize that I got myself into the relationships wherein I would get the most friction and conflict as the ‘negative,’ wherein within me trying to ‘change it into positive’ there was a massive collision of poles that the minds would rejoice in. Thus, I realize now how relationships operate when based on energetic ‘attractions’ which is opposite poles attract because that’s the only way that enough friction is generated to continue feeding the mind as energy.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to be also brainwashed by songs like ‘The Perfect Drug’ wherein I foolishly equated people to drugs as way to explain how even if we realize that this is harmful, we continue doing it, which is what makes self-abuse the basic ingredient in relationships: self compromise, fear of loss, fear of ending up alone, fear of not getting the necessary fix: fear of the mind dying which is precisely what this entire process is about, overcoming this fear of ‘losing ourselves’ and losing our mind without realizing that the physical body can exist without the mind dictating its every move and relationship, as I realize that the mind exists as relationships and that we currently exist as relationships that have to be equalized in order to stop generating conflict and constant turmoil which is what the mind requires to continue existing feeding of our physical bodies.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that statements in lyrics like ‘without you everything falls apart’ and ‘without you I’m nothing’ were perfect depictions of relationships between two beings, without realizing that it was actually me talking to myself as my mind believing that without such conflict, without such turmoil I’d be dead (as the mind)– yet I had not realized that I was in fact addicted to conflict, to turmoil and it is thus the reason why I sought conflict in my world without being aware of it, I created it for myself when being directed by these energies that could have either gone positive or negative, yet found the most ‘thrill’ in the negative due to my self-belief of being a ‘positive person.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to know beforehand that I was in the ‘wrong spot’ yet, I went along for the ride because of the experience this would create within me, an energetic thrill that eventually faded away and that’s when relationships stop, and then you go out seeking for another prey. Just like vampires.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that saying ‘the more I give to you the more I die’ is a literal meaning: the more I experience emotions and feelings, the more I consumed myself inadvertently at a physical level – yet knowing deep inside myself what I was doing, neglecting it because what was ‘stronger’ was the addiction to the energy and became oblivious to the physical experience that went with it, because what I gave permission to direct me was the mind, separating myself further and further from being Here as my physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to delve even further into the experience even though I knew it was ‘no good’-  and in this, I forgive myself for having ever accepted and allowed myself to judge ‘self abusive people’ without realizing that I was only judging myself for what I have become, driven entirely by this not-knowing-how-to-direct my energy to – hence landing anyhow on a spot wherein I could get my fix and keep it for as long as it ‘fed me,’ just like oil  wells and fracking methods to suck the life out of the Earth.

 

Thus, I realize that our self-abusive nature is just like being an addict –just like we have said many times before – because even though we know we are harming ourselves, we continue doing it and the only way that we can get to a realization about this is if we reach the bottom – the question is: do we have to? We have proven to ourselves that we only learn through experiences, and so far we are driving ourselves to face the consequences even more so ‘in our face’ to open our eyes. Unfortunately so, self-abuse seems to now be affecting more and more people yet there are still no clear questions being asked as to WHY this is happening? All the answers can be walked within self through the Desteni support available for all.

And this is another moment of absurdity for what  I have accepted and allowed myself to be and become: a sucker for abuse.

 

“one go into absurdity when one face something that you see the reality of – but fear it at the same time, cause it’s not a knowledge and information seeing, its a self realisation – thus, individual react in absurdity “No it can’t be real” – lol; but also at the same time do within their existential existence here see it is” – Sunette Spies

 

I forgive myself that I ever accepted and allowed myself to see people as separate from me in relationships wherein I blamed ‘them’ for what I would experience, not realizing that as long as the mind held the wheel of my reality, I would simply create relationships, form nice stories, ‘paint it’ in a personalized way and get myself imbued into it for the mind-experience that I imposed onto people in my world that only serve as linchpins to keep my wheel going – this means that I never really established a relationship with them, but only with my own mind and this energetic fixes that were perfectly orchestrated to make it look just like another fantabulous experience, when it was really not so.

 

I realize that in our minds, we are able to kid ourselves and make it all seem quite ‘nice’ but in reality, the actual experience is only that of being leeches of one another, eating ourselves up not metaphorically speaking and this is the truth of our reality. Hence the importance of stopping all energy-relationships as within stopping our energetic fixes, we stop the continued self-abuse we have thrived upon as the mind.

 

I commit myself to take Self-Responsibility for every single point that I blamed others for in my reality as being the cause of my experiences, because I see, realize and understand it was always only me and my own mind, my own energetic drive that I sought to satisfy as the saturation of myself as energy, wherein the rest were just part of the necessary players in the game to build a nice story around it. That’s how when stopping our mind, when realizing what we have done, relationships fall because we cannot continue deceiving ourselves as in getting our fix from people –

 

The only way that I can redefine relationship is  to realize the basic point of separation from self that each relationship entails – and that means that this process is walking through all our relationships as all the points we have separated ourselves from in the name of experience – either positive or negative – wherein through walking each point of separation, we stop feeding the mind and earth ourselves back as substance – this is explained in the blog  Wave-Theory of Creation: DAY 62 which has become a pivotal point to understand what we have done to ourselves in existence in an absurd manner – again – yet I realize that all reactions covered up within ‘absurdity’ are in fact a frightening realization of our nature and to what extent we took ourselves as life – in the name of energy as experience-  for granted

 

I realize that every moment that I give myself into the mind, I continue feeding this absurdity that must be stopped by myself in every moment that I can earth that surge of energy back to Earth as myself as Breath, b-heart – I instead breathe and hear the heart rate wherein I make sure that I re-mind myself the physicality that I abuse every time I allow myself to go into conflict, friction, desires and yearnings for relationships which are clearly based on self-abuse according to what I have realized throughout this process, but only now can see clearly and name if for what it is.

 

I realize that within me accepting others as ‘addicts’ I was simply speaking from the mind that justified and validated itself as ‘an addict’ because that’s the only way it can continue existing as ‘the driving force’ within our bodies – thus, I stop any self-definitions as having this ‘fascination’ for addicts/ addictions and experiences of any kind that are in fact the building blocks of self-abuse that mind exists as.

 

I commit myself to continue walking my own mind as my process of writing, applying Self Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application to give myself direction to live words, to establish myself as words that can be applied by all in equality wherein relationships can only stand as symbiotic and never more parasitical in nature.

 

I commit myself to expose how relationships are simply an addiction of the mind and that it is in stopping such mind-relationships toward anything/ anyone that we can start standing equal and one to such points/ people in our world, wherein people no longer represent ‘patterns’ in separation of ourselves, but we instead walk those relationships through this process of Self-Forgiveness until what remains is self, here,  equal to everything and everyone that are also here, and support others to do the same for themselves.

 

I commit myself to continue investigating any bit and memory that comes up in my head as every point of backchat, memory, as these are indications of a point we are reacting to and existing in separation from, which is how the mind is the greatest tool to walk this process.

 

I realize that I must first walk my ‘rehab’ as self-agreement wherein I make sure that I never again use people as patterns to thrive upon as energy but instead, learn how to practically coexist with others as equals wherein self-is self-directive as the physical and never again as an energy-driven mind.

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Day 56: Disappointed

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience disappointment with myself today based on the judgment that I’ve held toward my lack of self-movement to actually be the most effective and self-directive I realize I can be in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience of disappointment toward myself based on existing as an expectation of fulfilling within myself a sense of ‘satisfaction’ as the saturation of positive energy in means of letting myself know that ‘I am doing good’ and I am ‘alright,’ wherein I am in fact then only feeding a pattern of ‘surviving’ as the energy of expectations that require to be ‘met’ in order for me to ‘feel good about myself,’ and due to such expectations not being met, I experience a sense of ‘disappointment’ wherein I simply have missed the point of direction that I exist as in every moment of breath to actually physically direct myself and that’s it – but instead, I use such moments to generate an expectation that has to be crushed in order to reveal to myself that existing in such mental projections toward a sense of ‘satisfaction’ can only exist as the mind to feed my own personality of being constantly ‘satisfied’ with myself as energy, as positive experience/ neutral experience of ‘everything is fine’ at a mind level, and not being simply here breathing as myself in the physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a sense of ‘lack’ as this disappointment wherein I believe that I ‘must’ satisfy myself/ others as the idea of myself that is linked to this completion/ fulfillment and ‘satisfaction’ as a positive energy-experience linked to completing tasks, linked to being ‘the most effective’ and the most ‘well-done’ and efficient person, which implies that this is all ego-based and not real in any way whatsoever because it’s only existing within the context  of me as an idea of self and future projection to be met –Not existing within and as who I am as an individual that is here as breath , physically realizing the points that require direction and just doing it.

 

I realize that as long as I hold this ‘idea’ of myself, there will always be a gap to be closed as I am not in fact moving the totality of myself in consideration of giving it all that I am in every single moment of breath, due to still allowing fleeting moments of opting/ preferring to do some things over others, which imply that I am not yet the absolute directive principle of myself, but existing as an idea that is pliable to my own set of preferences and needs, which are stemming from actual resistance to do work that is required to be done in order for me to stop looping around the same points, which is useless if I already know the actions to be done: it just requires doing it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel ‘disappointed’ simply because of perceiving that I am not getting ‘enough energy’ to keep me as that point of ‘self-satisfaction’ that is fueled  by experiences, by temporary fixes with food, entertainment, people in my world, casual flirts, looking forward for events and when I am not getting any of this and deliberately stopping them, I perceive that I am in fact ‘lacking’ something and causing me this sense of ‘s.o.s. do something or you will die’ which is only the mind absolutely craving for anything that will give that temporary fix, which is just like existing in withdrawal symptoms after having been so addicted to a mind that will use virtually Anything- from a single comment, word, person’s interaction, a drink, food, weather, people, a scenario, something I read, something I receive from another – and the list goes on – in order to create this sense of ‘I exist for others!’ which is only myself as the mind getting its confirmation of: yes, you still exist as relationships of the mind as your ego/ personality toward others – and in that, believe that I am ‘back on track’ which is Not as the self-stability that I should exist here-as-myself in every moment of breath, but instead that stability is based on the mind’s stability as that feed of energy that I have become so used to experiencing as ‘who I am’ as the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, for a moment, believe that I could actually be ‘dissatisfied’ and ‘disappointed’ which in fact are only words that indicate that I am ‘not getting enough for my ego’ – as I realize that I am well aware in every moment if I am living as life – here and being absolutely self directive or not – hence being ‘disappointed’ as any other ‘beingness’ is in fact an energy-possession accumulation that I have given a name/ defined according to the types of energy that I’ve been used to getting in the past, and I am not deliberately fueling any longer. In this case ‘disappointment’ implies that perceived ‘target’ as that future projection that I would live up to throughout my life, always having lived to a future moment wherein I would be finally ‘complete’ – without practically having taking the steps to see How I would get myself to such position, which has been part of the ‘fleeting’ and ‘airy’ personality wherein words are not directed and lived, but only spoken with a sense of ‘hope’ that it will happen in any way, just like miraculously.

 

I forgive myself that I have never accepted and allowed myself to realize that it is this same sense of ‘future satisfaction’ that has been the lie we have accepted as humanity to ‘run our lives’ toward that elusive paradise-like happiness and fulfillment, which is only feeding my mind according to its necessary creation of relationships in separation of myself as life, while supporting the same mechanism within the world system to survive as a mind-system of energy, and never having pondered if it was okay to simply be and direct myself with the usual necessary without having to comply to follow such elusive dreams of absolute satisfaction and fulfillment.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I can only be disappointed as an individual experience after having been seeking to ‘meet my target’ which existed as a future projection based on myself at this age and pondering about ‘what am I doing with my life’ and how I had projected myself doing ‘so many things,’ which boiled down to nothing. Yet I see that it was necessary for that to happen as all dreams, future projections and ‘visualizations’ of myself in the future were based and created within the ‘who I am as a mind’ – therefore, all future projections were based upon me wanting to fulfill the ‘me’ as the mind that would constantly generate these ‘dreams’ about the future, to ensure its survival as me continuing fueling the desires, hopes and dreams of such experiences wherein I could finally feel ‘satisfied’ about myself and my life.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that I will go through many ‘withdrawal symptoms’ every time that the mind does not get its constant ‘feed’ wherein my life will seem empty and I would create an experience in/of the mind of ‘dissatisfaction’ and ‘disappointment’ upon not getting that necessary energy to continue going, which is the moment wherein I would usually give up on doing something simply because of not getting the same ‘excitement’ and ‘positive experience,’ which is how I would withdraw from such point/ activity in my world and start something else, never completing something to its absolute.  In this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to having kept my mind busy/ satisfied with the necessary attention/ energy to continue existing as all the relationships I have formed with others in my reality in separation of myself as one and equal, wherein only the ‘who I am’ as the idea of self was being fed and supported through this constant ‘feed’ through any of the interactions with others that would verify that I still ‘am’ something for others as the beingness of consciousness, as personality as the ego that is fed through and by the relationships created with others.

 

I realize that I have ‘naturally’ linked these two words ‘dissatisfaction’ and ‘disappointment’ as they both imply me as the mind not ‘meeting its target’ as the necessary energy for me to continue existing as the set of relationships I had created for and of myself ‘in the future’ from the time when I was 16 years old and pondering ‘what I would do in the future’ and ‘where I would be in 10 years’ wherein I created all types of high expectations toward myself based on seeking to satisfy the idea of self as all the ‘me’ that had been a ‘brilliant person’ in school, which I see and realize means nothing as all that which I am has nothing to do with the physicality that is here and cannot be ‘disappointed’ as that is only a  mind generated idea that exists whenever I am ‘dissatisfied’ as in not getting enough energy to saturate myself with attention as thoughts, emotions, feelings and any other form of mind relationship that I had become addicted to, as a single point of self-definition such as a dream, a future projection, a friendship of the past that can in any way ‘get me back on track’ which is the race toward that ultimate fulfillment of myself as the mind as the personality with ego projections of success and fulfillment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate myself from completion as self here, wherein I generate a separation from myself as a mind experience of ‘dissatisfaction’ and ‘disappointment’ the moment that I perceive that I am ‘not meeting my target’ which is mimicking the way that corporations function, always seeking to reach this ‘target’ as the necessary influx of money to keep running the business in a ‘smooth’ manner, while keeping the entire world system function in a ‘mint’ enslaving mechanism.

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize how within the seemingly ‘unimportant’ points I am in fact feeding an entire mechanism at a world-wide level wherein my dissatisfaction and disappointment is usually ‘fulfilled’ and ‘overcome’ through buying, consuming and generating any form of relationship for the mind to continue its directive-role within ourselves as humanity, missing the totality of ourselves as completion, as wholeness that just requires to live as self-directive beings in consideration of what’s best for all, which is in this case overlooked and all that remains is that absolute self interest to satisfy and ‘foolfill’ ourselves within the options that people that take advantage of such emotional experiences in human beings have very well studied and prepared for ourselves to get ‘our fix’

 

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that any moment that I am not Here as life – breathing – moving – self-directing, I exist as some form of lack that seeks to be satisfied in the form of a want, need, desire generated by my mind based on the past and previous patterns of the ways in which I would ‘get my fix’ no matter how ‘small’ it may seem, within this always ‘giving into’ the experience of the mind as disappointment in order to get something outside of myself to ‘get myself back on track’ as the race of the mind to ‘meet its goal’  – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to occupy only my mind and forget about the rest of the physical body that I exist as every time that I go into a mind-experience such as ‘disappointment’ wherein ‘all that matters’ is then getting myself back on the ‘track’ within the ongoing mind-feeding game that uses goals/ future projections wherein I keep myself bound to a single outcome that I can fulfill/ not fulfill and define myself as then being satisfied/ dissatisfied according to ‘who I am as the mind.’

 

I realize that the only real dissatisfaction that can exist is having no food in my stomach, not having water, proper living support for an extended period of time wherein the real pains of hunger and starvation are a constant experience for billions in this world, which should make us ponder how we are constantly looking after ‘how we feel’ instead of realizing how within such question I am only considering ‘myself’ in that moment, while in fact adding myself as the other billions seeking to be satisfied as the positive experience of myself that generate – as a consequence – the billions that starve because we live in a reality wherein the opposites are created the moment that only one pole is pursued and sought, which implies that we are directly responsible for every single atrocity as a result of any inkling of positive thinking and positive attitude that seeks to be More within everything we do in the name of self-satisfaction.

 

When and as I see myself experiencing a sense of ‘lack’ as dissatisfaction and in that going into the experience of disappointment as a result of not getting my energy to keep going on, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am simply existing as a mind that seeks for its survival – instead I direct myself to continue being here as breath wherein I see and realize that I must physically will myself to move myself regardless of any incentive, motivation or positive input that I used to be fueled by within my reality.

 

I also realize that there are problems in our reality that require our focus and attention which we are not in any way supporting while getting caught up in our minds – therefore  in order to stop such patterns from existing within us as a whole, the conflict and sense of ‘lack’ must be stopped within me first, to then support others to see how we have created our own ‘lack’ as a system of energy that does not consider life as a constant in-breath and out-breath that can be materialized as giving and receiving in a system of equality, but instead have decided to enslave ourselves to a system wherein because we want to be ‘more’ = we generate abuse invariably somewhere else within this social organism.

 

I realize then that this point of disappointment is only existent as a mind possession that is Not ‘meeting its target’ as that ‘something’ that I would always have as a motivation to ‘keep going,’ because I realize that I have never moved-me as self-movement before, but that I am only now realizing that If I don’t change,If I don’t move = Nothing will change and Nothing will move.

 

I realize that anything that ‘moves me’ is not ‘me’ but my mind seeking any past connection, any memory, relationship and idea of myself in order to fuel myself as an experience which is quite a ‘simplistic’ and easy way to trap myself in and as a mind possession if I give head to it in one single fleeting moment wherein I am not being Here, self directive, breathing and stop the minutest mind-wavering experience.

 

I commit myself to stop the backchat that is indicating that the mind is wanting its fix as the positive experience/ reward in order to ‘keep going,’ and instead realize that this is a physical process wherein nothing will move if I don’t move. 

 

I commit myself to flag point any experience related to ‘satisfaction’ and ‘feeling satisfied’ and ‘feeling alright’ as that indicates that I am somehow generating a positive experience as a necessary fuel to keep myself going as the mind, which is the very ‘addiction’ that I am here to stop for once and for all. I realize that the mind will do anything possible for me to crave my fix, and that I have even experienced extreme physical discomfort whenever I don’t follow through with the desire, which is the necessary pains to stop me from giving into that usual desire and fix to do ‘what pleases me’ but not what I am as a physical being that recognizes the responsibility that is required to be taken by myself, within the consideration of the decision I’ve made to stand up for life – which is not to be taken ‘lightly’ but with actual physical consequences that are implied within me giving head to my own desires, wishes, wants, needs, desires.

 

I realize that I had become used to being a constant ‘feeder’ for my mind, wherein even if I had a relatively ‘simple’ life, I would still trigger interactions, experiences and place myself deliberately in situations wherein I could get my mind-fix to continue fueling the idea of myself as my ego which is the very point and only point of resistance that I am walking through in order to become an absolute self-directive being that I realize I can be and become if I stop walking a middle-path of ‘nothingness’ as a mind that is seeking to be complete, not as an actual nothingness that exists here in every moment that I realize the responsibility that I have committed myself to for/ as life.

 

I recommend listening to the practical masturbation series that have just begun with basic physical tangible perspectives and aspects that we can start considering in our reality which, surprisingly enough, are very linked to the entire mechanism of us fueling our minds with anything or anyone to keep that same ‘ego’ glowing and growing, without us having any resolution to stop due to the pleasure that it represents. It is is vital to also hear the Soul of Money interviews as they explain the sexualization of society as well, as that mechanism to ‘keep us going’ as energy-beings of the mind that use and abuse the physical in order to continue satisfying the ‘who I am’ as the mind, and neglecting/ abusing the physical reality that is here as ourselves, that requires our directive participation within the starting point of what is best for all Life at all times.

 

 

 

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Day 7– Deconstructing Sugar

Yesterday we had a chat with regards to food and quitting sugar, which is a point I have been consciously procrastinating due to the extent of the relationship that I have created with all things that create a sense of satisfaction, which are related to: sugar! I wrote out yesterday how obvious it was in my body experiencing the rush of sugar, I have made vlog about it as well in the past and I ‘reduced’ sugar for a while, then went back to it or at least not giving specific self-direction to the point, which was leaving the back door open for me to go in and out whenever I wanted.

 

This is about me as the creator of my own preferences, quirks and chemical addictions such as sugar. I am aware that this point is ‘far more extensive’ than any other relationship I’ve had, as this is about food that I’ve become so used to eating and ‘sweetening’ my life with, wherein it obviously at times became the ‘consolation price’ for all emotional down-loops, which is the most common way to divert my attention from what’s here.

 

I also realize that the last time that I was talking with my mother about sugar and stopping it, she told some something like ‘oh don’t be so hard in yourself, it’s not like you won’t ever eat anything with sugar ever again’ and in that, I could see how I gave myself this leeway to keep eating it as ‘the only pleasures left in life.’ I have also defined myself or creating myself a reputation for liking sugary things, specially when it comes to going out with my parents and having the opportunity to eat apfel strudel, lol my perdition.

 

I have to forgive myself the relationships that I build with the people that I buy food from. An example is stopping a relationship with a woman in the bakery as that friendliness is what kept me going to such bakery even if it was definitively more expensive than others. But then, I’ve created yet another relationship with other people where bread was cheaper and I made a habit of buying the same bread which lead the people there know what I like and identify me as the predictable robot I’ve become when it comes to buying items. God, the same in the supermarket actually… What is this revealing to me? That I have also compromised myself to buy and consume based on the relationships that I create with people and how they ‘identify me’ according to what I buy.

 

I cannot continue compromising myself in any way. I mean, if I walk past the bakery on a daily basis and I won’t buy there any longer, I might as well go in there to let them know that I won’t be buying bread from them as I have to take care of my sugar addiction. LOL

 

I realized how I have allowed sugar in my life as a ‘treat’ and I would deliberately ignore the side effects that I had to ‘endure’ as opposed to the deliciousness that was eating a cake for example. I mean, this should be read as masochism here, I’ve experienced how it is not cool for my body yet I kept doing it.

So in these seemingly ‘making up for’ type of experiences, we accept a LOAD of bs that comes in the form of ‘small allowances’ such as when you buy something and believe that you will be able to keep it for a week, and end up eating the whole thing in a few hours only. Stuff like that is creating the necessary alarms to realize: hello, I am not being the directive principle in my world, I am allowing myself to simply indulge into it for the comfort I experience within my body as I consume food that is ‘sweet.’

Ludicrous, we have created relationships toward food of course, and in that we have made of such a vital point an addiction, which is just an outflow of having made of our own thoughts a surrogate living as well as the emotions and feelings tied to ‘living’ as well as eating.

 

So let’s begin with that:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link sugar to a positive experience within my body wherein I have associated everything that is sugary as something that I ‘like’ by default and that I cannot say ‘no’ to, without realizing that as I stand as the directive principle within me, I have to create such ability to not be driven by a mental desire to eat sugar, but instead discipline myself to support my body with meals that are not creating me an ‘instant gratification’ such as sugary meals.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a self-definition base on it being ‘too difficult’ to quit sugar which means I was giving up before even trying it, which is ‘the’ point of self interest as a nice-fluffy experience that I can get from eating sugar, which I must now discipline myself to re-direct in a supportive manner, which is the process that I’ll be walking as I face this point.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to let go of the idea of me being a sucker for desserts and specially, apfel strudel that I have defined as my favorite dessert of all time. I realize that deserting of myself as the idea of being an ‘apfel strudel sucker’ is something that I must let go of in order to stop existing as that energetic tie to it as a picture in my head of what I ‘enjoy,’ without realizing how much backchat it would occupy in my mind when being abroad and not able to get that specific apfel strudel that I like.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a thinking-relationship to getting the treats that I ‘like’ and in that, using my mind to continuously manipulate myself into getting that ‘quick fix’ of eating something sweet, without actually taking into consideration what sugar is and what it actually does to my body.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to procrastinate giving direction to stopping sugar because of fearing ‘missing out the sweetness of life’ by stopping eating sugar and bread and all of which I had created a relationship defined as ‘comfort’ and ‘consolation,’ which is mostly a coping mechanism when I am not willing to face myself a certain point that I am allowing to accumulate within me as backchat –  have resorted to instead cover it up by using something sweet to eat to neglect the actual experience that I am creating within myself and go into a sense of ‘satisfaction’ after it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create relationships of giving myself ‘rewards’ or ‘treats’ that I would create a relationship toward as that energetic longing for it, which is how I require to stop and see who I am without such treats and how I am able to replace such sugary treats with vegetables and other meals that are supportive and nutritional other than a piece of bread.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to the sensation of chewing something that I have defined as ‘whole’ and ‘filling’ such as bread in my mouth and stomach.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect the common sense that something that is altering my physical body to a sense of discomfort while digesting it, is simply not cool for my body and that I should stop it, yet instead allowed me to ‘swallow’ the side effects because of considering it to be the ‘consequences to bear’ for having such a pleasant and delightful taste in my mouth – and mind – out of eating something sweet.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to eat something that I know beforehand won’t support my physical body providing actual nutrients,  but instead allowed me to abuse my body to digest such gulps of sugar ‘just because of liking the flavor/ taste’ of it, and the sense of comfort and fulfillment that I would get out of it, which is my mind creating an energetic experience out of eating, which is certainly Not supportive at all.

 

I am here to support my physical body and that means stopping that which I have researched, realized and experienced in my body to be equal to  poison that makes my entire blood rush throughout my veins in an abnormal pace, which means that I am forcing and exhilarating my physical functioning at some level that is Not supportive for myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to abuse my organs and my physical body that had to digest such amounts of sugar and me neglecting the actual strain that I’ve experienced to digest sugars, yet allowed it in the name of pleasure and a ‘piece of heaven’ such as when eating bread, cakes, apfel strudel and cookies – and in a lesser value: chocolate.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having created such ‘untouchable’ items in my diet like eating bread and consuming that which is always ‘nice to grab a bit from,’ because of wanting to fulfill and satiate the usual sugar cravings that I have accepted and allowed myself to become addicted to – yes, I must realize that I am dealing here with a life long dependency as the acceptance of sugar within me as a stimulant to create a sense of ‘feeling good,’ no different to seeking love and light, really.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to link the idea of sugar to ‘being cared for/ being appreciated/ being pampered/ being spoiled’ from the relationship of getting such sugary stuff from my parents whenever I go to visit them.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to place value in a person that I met and made me 5 different types of cakes for my birthday and equating that to ‘care’ and ‘appreciation.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependency to eat ‘sweet stuff’ such as bread or sweet rice in order to give myself ‘a bit of a reward’ during the day, as if I had to be consoled and fulfilled with such moments of eating ‘sugary stuff’ equated to ‘me caring for myself,’ without realizing that such sugar has no nutritional value at all and that it is certainly not necessary within my every day diet. Thus, I walk the process to prove to myself that I can continue living without eating these obvious items that contain high levels of sugar.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist quitting sugar and having procrastinated it for such a long time, because of fearing missing out on that which I have defined as ‘the most enjoyable stuff’ as eating something that I can have a sense of fulfillment through and as sugar.

 

I know it is possible to stop as some other Destonians have shared their on processes of stopping sugar and I could see myself just keeping quiet throughout the chat because I resisted placing a commitment to do the same and stop eating the most obvious items that contain sugar – there is also a point of ‘oh what if I ‘fail’?- but I can’t, because I’ve made decisions to quit other stuff in my life that was obviously addictive – including people and activities. I also understand that the relationship I’ve created with sugar is quite a ‘tough one’ in relation to how I have accepted myself as always requiring something ‘sweet’ to end the meals with, even if it was a sip of some juice or ‘fiber cookies’ or some other ‘taste’ that I could satisfy my desire to EXPERIENCE the sugary taste in my mouth as ‘the final taste.’

 

I have recently cut eating yogurt which had been part of my self-religion in food, it’s probably a month of that already – I tried quitting milk right away but my body went absolutely aloof, so I’m still drinking it in a very reduced manner – this is also in relation to the processes we’re walking and how we require to support our physical in relation to the meals I have been so used to eating and that I cannot just ‘cut out’ overnight. 

 

And so, I commit myself to stop eating any sugary stuff – specifically bread which I have defined as a ‘filler’ in both a physical and experientially speaking as that moment of actually chewing the bread as a ‘relief,’ as a satiating moment that I have defined as ‘giving myself a treat’ due to the obvious amounts of sugar it contains.

 

Sugar is a must stop – there are diabetics in both sides of my family. Actually I know that my grandmother died of diabetes and my sister – when she was little – would hand her chocolates in a secretive manner until she died. So, I see myself in that mirror and realizing that I do have a predisposition to being a sugar junky – the same with my other grandmother that is also dead and would be a yogurt junky, lol.

So, evidence proves that I must stop sugar, I have been also more aware of this sensations that food produce within me and yesterday I went to the shop and bought some greens and vegetables, which is something that I was only buying every now and then. I also realize that I will take the opportunity to find out how my body works without rice – which has become ‘the main meal’ in my diet – yet it makes absolute sense that it does turn into sugar as any other grain, including wheat. I knew this from my sister – who is a nutritionist – yet I continued fooling myself because of the routine, remaining in the status quo with what I eat – I  mean this uncovers how I tend to make of my days a bit of a ritualistic movement – however it’s going much better.

I am not as obsessed with cleaning as I was before, and having everything ‘perfectly’ around me, I am less concerned about ‘how things look’ around me yet I have to be aware of making it functional as well. And so, within this entire point of walking the physical process, something that Bernard said got stuck in me the other day in relation to creating patterns and habits that are supportive as we are now walking the physical process. Thus I realize that it is the ‘perfect time’ to establish that which I am willing to maintain as a living-experience in the physical as myself.

 

I have made a habit of buying bread as the only ‘treat’ I give to myself. I walked it in a mind construct a few months ago, lol and I only stopped going to ‘that’ bakery that I wrote the mind construct about, but then found a cheaper one which made it easier for me to have access to bread again. So, I realize that identifying all the points is key and I am perfectly aware when I make the ‘decision’ or should I say when I indulge-into stopping by the bakery and buying bread. I usually associate it with a reward system that I have created for myself in relation to what I eat – which I took as ‘normal’ as in ‘giving myself a treat’ but I see that I can become quite sneaky when it comes to these allowances and not really disciplining myself to it.

 

However, I am taking it bit by bit, I do take my body into consideration to reduce the amounts of it little by little as I’ve seen how cutting down meals that I had built myself of can be quite disturbing in an overall physical experience that is not comfortable at all.

 

I also realize that I must increase meat consumption with that, which I can only see I have limited myself to because of money – so there you go! our experience, nutrition and relationship to food is directly linked to how much money we have. I am perfectly aware that I could buy all of such variety if I had the money to do so, and seek for organic stuff that is absolutely expensive here. So, at the moment I’ll seek for the best options which means buying more vegetables, which are certainly not expensive.

 

So, thanks for all that have shared their experiences with stopping sugar, that is the type of support and ‘inspiration’ that I required because this is one of the points that absolutely goes ‘against Marlen’s will’ I mean, me the cookie-girl no way! – lol yes I once sold cookies during summer time with my cousins and called ourselves ‘cookie girls’ – we would bake cookies and sell them to our neighbors, it was quite fun but we obviously would eat the remains and so, that was not supportive at all.

 

This point of liking desserts is yet another ‘chunk’ of myself that I have created and continued to generate as a positive experience – I mean, I’m glad that I have come to build a taste for vegetables – thanks to my mother that would nag me to do so – but now I have to actually get rid of that which would ‘console’ my desire to experience something ‘sweet’ within me. So I’ll continue walking this point as I go, for now this is it.

 

I commit myself to being this process of cutting down sugar to eventually be able to stand and see that I am still here after quitting all major sources of sugar in my daily diet.

 

For further support:

 

Blogs of the Day:

 


2012 Physical Incorporated

The extent of separation that we have lived in separation from our very physical body is absolutely abhorring.

One single eye twitch and we can know that we are activating an entire network of self created relationships that we have participated in a continuous period of time, in relation to the past that we re-create here when we impose our ‘human nature’ as an experience toward others. One single eye twitch and hours of explanations that blew my mind for the while wherein I just realized how much I have disregarded my physical body. I mean, before I had thought that eye twitching was lacking potassium or some other mineral. What we haven’t even realized is how such minerals and physical energy is actually drained by the mind, and that is blood-curdling enough to realize that science fiction was never that far from Reality.

 

Writing is the structuring of self, as that which we will live by, as a new living direction that we all have to do for ourselves – this entire process depends on our individual participation – common sense: we are all here walking the same process and no one can walk each other’s mind for another.

 

While walking and hearing all of this, I noticed I probably had a face of being absolutely astounded to see how much we have neglected our human physical body. It is the most obvious point that we have missed, and it could not be any ‘further away’ in relation to how we are living at the moment, running around in circles in a conscious layer while not being able to be fully aware of ourselves Here as the Physical Body.

 

I mean, how come we never questioned the fact that we could not be aware of all the processes that go on within our body, how the blood runs through our veins, being aware of every breath and instead live as a constant threat toward our own life, ‘killing us slowly’ by draining life to support our most elaborate mindfucks.  Why is it that I am not able to see ‘This’ that I am existing as? Sure, our eyes of the mind only allow us to consciously look at ‘how we look’ – and, what did we do with it? We remained in that ‘how we look’ and made of ourselves an absolute 2 dimensional picture presentation of ourselves – it is abhorring to see to what extent we have neglected every single breath that has kept our ego running ‘alive.’

 

The fact that I can be grateful for is having the tools and the support to, for the very first time in my existence – be able to have all of this material and tools to support myself. I mean, we literally Do have everything on a golden platter, every single detail to the T of how we have created ourselves. We wanted to be gods yet remained in a closed polarity reality, switching off and on like a binary signal – definitely limited. I can only see how everything that I ever ‘thought’ I would ‘lose’ of myself was absolute bs that has, literally, no substance other than the one I gave to my thoughts to ‘live.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use and drain the very life substance that I exist as in the name of keeping my mental-reality ‘alive,’ while not being even aware of every breath that I take to do so.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define me and diminish who I am to a single picture presentation as a two dimensional reality that I have lived as my mind, as thoughts, feelings, emotions, conversations wherein I schemed a ‘life’ that ‘I’ could only get the most benefit from.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to never question the fact that I could not be aware of my physical body as the actual ability to see how I am actually existing as, and abdicating my seeing-reality to a limited system wherein I have accepted and allowed myself to be self-enslaved to a series of experiences, emotions and feelings that I believed was ‘all there is’ to living, while neglecting my very own physical body in its entirety while focusing on chasing after an experience and pretend to be alive.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to feel ashamed of myself for having always remained within a limited idea, belief and perception of myself and never having dared to question who am I really, and how it is that I relegated my own physical body to being a ‘nuisance’ to myself, never really ever considering how separate and oblivious to my very own physical body I have actually being throughout my life.

I forgive myself that I haven’t accepted and allowed myself to realize that who I am as my thoughts could be the key to seeing and realizing the actual nature of myself, instead of seeing it as a limited and constricted program to which I thought I had ‘nothing to do with.’ Oh man, was I wrong.

 

I Forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to for the first time realize the extent to which I had lived only within my mind, seeking for experiences while neglecting the actual self-consumption, self abuse and self destruction that exists as a continual process every moment that I ‘give in’ to thinking, to feeling, to keeping myself busy with some internal conversation that has No physical relation to what Is HERE as myself.

And by HERE as myself it is realizing the extent to which I have abdicated my entire responsibility to an automated system wherein I could just ‘rejoice’ and do nothing, other than continuing wishing and hoping while neglecting the actual abuse that I was/ and still am inflicting to every single cell and atom within my physical body, by the single act of engaging into an emotional experience created at a mind level.

Because we cannot see it, because we cannot feel it, it doesn’t mean that it is not happening. And it is only ourselves that veiled ourselves from seeing.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear for the very first time seeing the actual nature to which I am consuming myself and the reality that is here as me by my own participation in the mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ponder an emotion, a feeling, a single energetic kick above every single breath that I have abused to power my ego-trips. I stop any judgment that comes with this as there is no point in making it more than what I have already done and become – I can only direct myself to establish myself to accept myself – the consequences of what I have become and walk the process that is here for me to finally be HERE as my physical body.

 

It is absolutely unacceptable how we go throughout our days, judging ourselves, our physical bodies for absolute bullshit while not being able to remember or even see how we are consuming the very life that keeps our judgments alive.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge myself for having sustained a lifetime of mindfucks alive with my every breath. Double judgment is always a double-mindfuck and it all must stop here.

 

So – we realize points, it is shocking yes – the most prominent reaction I had was when realizing to what extent we have kept us ‘living’ in this reality, absolute robots circling around our conscious mind  – and then came the realization that there is an entire process to walk, I mean, we are so far from actually ‘getting here’ that just a single twitch in our body is and has been an indication of to what extent we are feeding our own mind-assessments that we have abdicated life, the physical reality to.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to reduce the physical life and reality that I am to a single thought, a single experience, a single energetic fix that creates a sensation that comes and goes just as it started – it cannot be real – how can it?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself  to separate myself from all parts that conform who I am as the physical and believing that ‘who I am’ only exists as the idea of ‘myself’ within ‘my mind.’ How ludicrous, I breathe and I realize that I can only direct myself to establish myself here, willing to walk my mind, taking responsibility for every single thread that I have created in separation of myself as a mind system that consumes the physical life that is here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to having lived a life of absolute self-interest wherein I took for granted every single process that my human physical body does in order to keep me alive. I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to separate me-from-me by opting to believe that living was an experience.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to live a surrogate ‘living’ as the mind, as that comfortable limited experience wherein I did not have to see the truth of myself and where I neglected the very physicality that I exist as, relegating it to a second plane that I could only use to sell myself as an image, as a single picture presentation while neglecting the very life that exists in every pore that holds me.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to reduce life to being a business, a single corporation wherein I could remain as the eternal CEO believing to have ‘power’ over myself, without even realizing that I am not even aware of the very process that every breath that I take creates within my physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create a dependency to create an experience out of my every day living and breathing here – giving up my own physical living to a mono-reality wherein all that I confined myself to experience is myself as a mind, with constant thoughts while neglecting the totality that is here as myself.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to take for granted the very cells that conform ‘who I am’ as a physical body. What does it mean to stand equal to and as my cells? That will only be lived, but for now I see that the least thing I can do to honor the life that I am by stopping using/ abusing it to feed my mental realms of self-judgment as a continuous self-righteous act upon the physical.

We have judged dictators, ‘powerful people’ abusing others to get to a certain position, while neglecting that we have and are doing the very same thing toward our physical bodies, using it and abusing it to keep our delusions of power as our ego-trips wherein we ‘believe’ that we are ‘above it all.’

How wrong have we been.  This is only as scratch on the surface.

 

I can only  renew my vows to live here and actually do so – I am aware of the consequences that we are facing for not having realized this before, it is definitely the least thing we can do here, to face the consequences for having separated ourselves from our very own physical body, from life by transforming it into a single shallow experience.

Everything is in constant movement inside ourselves, how come we have claimed we could be ‘still’- it is only a stillness of the mind that can exist! have a ‘look’/ physical-experience within yourself: blood is constantly flowing and endless processes are going on.

 

When and as I see myself worrying about some bs story in my mind, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am neglecting the very breath that is keeping my blood running and focus on realizing how it is that every breath is allowing me to give the next step to ‘enjoy myself’ while walking. lol how fun will it be to be able to finally be here, like literally realizing that all our ‘loneliness’ ideas is simply because of having existed as a mind system seeking for another mind system to talk to – neglecting every single cell that we could actually communicate to as ourselves – here – and to everything else. How could you ever get to feel ‘alone’ if we are actually in fact all that is here?

Some necessary buckets of cold water to realize how attentive we must be when walking this process – to never ‘lose sight’ of what is it that we are in fact doing here: walking out of the mind and into the physical.

 

I cannot say anything else other than give yourself the opportunity to investigate Desteni, the current interviews which have been like fire to melt down any little effigy I could have created of myself. I realize to what extent and with what ease we can recreate the same old patterns by simply giving into it again. It is also great because I see and realize there is no other way I could have ever faced myself.

 

Facing, walking the mind is having to let go of the greatest addiction that we have ever created, an addiction fed and sustained by life – how can we dare to judge a single point of abuse if we are doing this to ourselves every single moment that we are not HERE breathing?

I’ll stop here for now.

Thanks for breathing.

 

Read and realize many more points with and through Bernard’s words:

Give yourself the gift to understand who you really are as Life:


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