Tag Archives: agreements

552. Who Am I as a Savior?

 

There’s been a pattern I’ve lived within my relationships of wanting to save the other person, in a way deliberately selecting a particular partner that I can see as a ‘rough stone’ that I can carve and sculpt for them to become the ‘better person’ I believe they can be. Now in relation to the starting point of an Agreement – which are the relationships established within a mutual self-supportive platform within the Desteni principles – it is to exist already within the self-commitment to support oneself, so that a relationship doesn’t become a co-dependence and lack of self-support where the other partner stands as that support for another, to complete another, to be the support that another is not willing to give to themselves.

Now in my case even if there has been the understanding of these principles in a relationship, I’ve seen how I have placed myself in the position of wanting to help, save or assist another that might not have been entirely serious or fully understanding what this self-agreement is all about, which creates a point of compromise for it in the sense that the agreement can only work if both individuals are first living a self-agreement, a commitment for self-support and when this is not so, what happens is that there is an inequality that eventually catches up in the nature of the relationship, where one is living such self-agreement or focusing too much on ‘supporting another’ and neglecting one’s own process, who one is in the relationship, which is what has happened in my case. 

So in the context of an agreement, it is by default understood that we are supposed to want to see a change not only of our partner but of both in the relationship considering that’s the foundation of it, to become better, to expand, to create ourselves into people that can be best for all essentially. However if this starting point is not entirely existing in one or both of the partners, then an agreement cannot simply exist.

So, the point of accepting another ‘as they are’ is compromising within the context of an agreement where yes there is an initial acceptance of who one is, but of course what comes next is the process of change from that into something better, otherwise the purpose and starting point of the agreement/relationship is useless and that’s where an assessment comes in relation to how valid or supportive it is to continue a relationship that is not leading to a self-supportive outcome for each in the relationship.

 

I have often fallen into the trap of wanting to change another based on my association with them and having too much of a ‘drag’ within my life because of being in a relationship with someone that is mostly considered as conflictive, troublesome person, a ‘rebel’ type of person and this was quite a while ago in my life, which is where I started this pattern of wanting to be ‘the point of change’ or ‘change catalyst’ in a person’s life, considering I could see who they could be if they could change certain aspects of themselves, but this of course became me enforcing change upon them, them not having any intent to change and so breaking up, which was the most obvious form of control that was reflecting back to myself my choices, which is something I just didn’t look at, what are my choices in relationships reflecting about myself, what am I accepting and allowing within diminishing myself in a conflictive situation? And the bottom line as well is a sense of inferiority where I considered before that I could change another and make them ‘best for me and the relationship’ and in a way also saw myself as ‘not good enough’ for someone that was more stable, grounded and already living self-support in a way. Therefore I can only see that my choices were made through my mind’s perspective of ‘liking challenges’ and kind of proving to myself and others how I could be the one that ‘changes them for the best’ – of course, failing every single time at it because my starting point in it all was flawed, and was already from ‘giving a chance’ to another, which means inequality from the starting point of the relationship.

So in order to calm down those anxieties around ‘what other people might think of me’ I would put extra effort in trying to change them so that I could then appear as the good influence over them, though it is definitely so that when you are in a relationship even more so living together, it is not easy to try and ‘push someone’ to support themselves, it usually backfires and the whole starting point of having to ‘push’ or ‘wanting another to change’ already denotes a necessity in me and also a lack of self-commitment to support themselves in the other person, so that’s another flaw in the context of an agreement.

The hardest point to look at is what my choices and my ways towards them reflected about myself, and that is also because of considering that there is some kind of nobility or ‘further effort’ in sculpting, molding, changing a person to become who I wanted them to become, and so kind of see myself reflected on them and who they would become, and I wasn’t realizing that in doing this, it was a way to create a co-dependence that is not at all supportive where another is ‘changing’ because of ‘me and the relationship’ and not for themselves, which of course ends up being a very enslaving situation and not best for both in the relationship.

So I had to see how I was diminishing myself in my choices considering who I am, what I’ve walked, what I’ve realized about myself and the potential that I am working on, which is something I have to take into consideration whenever assessing an agreement, and discard completely my previous starting point of perceiving I could walk this ‘noble path’ to support another and ‘change them’ and create a relationship based on such change. It could be so if both are entirely geared in a self-agreement of self-support, but if not, it’s quite impossible to get to any supportive outcome where one becomes the ‘cane’ for another to walk with, it’s just inequality and therefore, not supportive for either in the relationship.

 

 

The dynamics resulting from standing in this position of ‘being the one that supports the partner’ for the most part is a relationship of control, where I became at times a bit paranoid on how the other was doing and asking questions constantly to see ‘where they’re at’ constantly– meaning the starting point of it was of fear already, fearing that they are already building up some kind of consequence within themselves or towards others – and this becomes a point of fear manifested as ‘control’ in relation to me wanting to see a ‘change’ in another and constantly being ‘checking’ how that is going and progressing.

So it is so that one starts focusing more on ‘the other person’ and kind of handling, managing, controlling potential outflows of them not acting in a self-supportive manner, rather than being in a situation where both partners are entirely self-responsible, supporting themselves, sharing with one another to expand and create a platform of self-support in the relationship, without having to be fearing about each other’s life, outcomes or possible ‘falls’ because one would know each one can stand up for themselves. But when there is a situation where there is a clear inequality in that self-commitment, it becomes an unsustainable relationship, where in my case I would become quite angry the moment another would show/demonstrate no change in certain aspects and then having to compromise myself on those aspects, create a leeway, let go of ‘my control’ and give space to expand and change at their pace, but it also results in an ultimate question of ‘when is enough enough?’ which is a very pertinent point to look at so that we can give a leeway for self-change at another’s pace, though also considering it doesn’t become a constant paranoia, desire, hope that is endlessly elongated, becoming a situation that is only tolerated, which is of course not cool at all in an agreement.

 

What I have realized about myself in choosing a partner that I could change or save is that I was trying to prove that I could change another, that our relationship could be supportive to the extent of them finally having something that they desired – for example a supportive environment, a supportive partner, someone that can know about their life and still accept them, so to me it was a way to ‘do onto others what I wanted to be done unto’ as well, considering that I perceived myself as not good enough, not appreciating and regarding myself sufficiently in my past, so a part of that would still come through when it comes to choosing a partner that in a way I could see as ‘inferior’ in the sense of not yet been entirely ‘self supportive,’ so that I could implement a point of control in the sense of having them do and be the way I want them to be and create a point of security around that. Though I’ve actually realized how this becomes a very unhealthy relationship because the other person is entirely there ‘just for you’ and aren’t really focusing on who they want to be for and as themselves and are only existing ‘for you and the relationship,’ which makes one feel like their entire life now depends on you, and that’s certainly not a ‘weight’ one would like to carry on with for a lifetime.

I was willing to do that for a while but throughout my repeated experiences within this same pattern, I’ve finally realized that I have to step up within my choices and realize that I can be in a relationship that is more equally supportive and where I can be challenged not in the sense of ‘me changing another’ but more in the sense of me pushing myself to be  better, to adapt, to learn from another that is also supporting themselves. And I mean I could do this also to a certain extent in those previous savior-relationship contexts, but not to the extent I realize it can be possible when being with someone that is fully grounded in walking this process for themselves.   

 

The ultimate question is: when is enough enough? And drawing the line when one has given sufficient time for them to support themselves in walking through particular patterns or points they are having to work with in their lives, and I here could consider it as a healthy situation to make it part of the initial settlement of the agreement to ‘review’ the agreement on a periodical basis, maybe each year where both know exactly which points are to be changed/worked on individually and together and be aware that there is such thing as a timeframe to work on these points and that the agreement is not a ‘set point’ as a marriage where you’re supposed to just go with the flow in it and ‘accept’ another person the way there is, because in an agreement there is such thing as an expectation of change, individually and together in the partnership. So, it is very much like a business you know? Where it is based on practical living, on living paths, plans and considerations, on how healthy and supportive the communication is, the interactions, the overall development of both as a partner in their environment – and according to that, it can be assessed that if after one year of setting certain points to change within oneself there’s no improvement, both can decide how much longer it is needed, or when is enough enough.

In my case there have been always very determining factors that had led me to say ok up to here where I see the obvious codependency and the other person entirely defining themselves according to a relationship, a neediness of sorts which is not a statement of self-independence in self-support and in my case it also involves letting go of the idea of having someone I can completely ‘mold’ according to my taste and requirement and make them depend on me to exist on, because that’s not healthy at all, that’s not self-supportive and this is where the point of applying Tough Love comes in, where it is best to end an ‘agreement’ that has become a relationship, where fear of loss of one another exists, where there’s a self-diminishment in one’s lives and potential, and where it becomes too much of a comfort zone when it comes to one or both in the relationship focusing too much on ‘the other one’ instead of on oneself and ultimately that’s the kind of set-up where one knows that ‘something is just not right’ and continuing it out of tradition, compromise or dependence will only lead to further self-compromise and self-diminishment, so I am definitely now aware of how it is most supportive to have a clear communication with both in the relationship around this point and be willing to stand in the position of letting go, ending a relationship when it is clearly not supportive for both any longer.

Now, this is nothing personal, I mean I am recognizing my decisions, my choices, what they reflected about me, the patterns I’ve played out in all of my relationships up to now – to varying degrees – and this is what self-honesty is about where we have to be willing to see those patterns within ourselves and others to see who we’ve become as our minds, as our habits and acceptances that we can then decide to work on and change within ourselves. Therefore this is not an intended ‘bashing’ of sorts towards anyone because I am sure that once that one is able to give a step back and recognize the patterns within oneself, one can see one’s truth when stepping into self-honesty, which is something that is also possible when a person decides to do so upon facing consequences – most of the times. And I’ve been able to see this in my last experience related to this where we were both able to see and recognize the points that each one lived or didn’t get to live and be humble enough to accept the facts, which are all based on actions, words, deeds, reality based aspects that we cannot deny or blame anyone else for, and that’s where one gets to a solid point of self-stability in relation to it in order to accept the outcome of something that wasn’t being supportive and functional anymore, and that’s the moment where it’s best to let go of it.

 

So what I would do in a future establishment of an agreement or a supportive relationship is first of all be very practical, assess where the other person is and this time definitely give myself the ability to choose and decide what would be most beneficial for me and for the other person depending on life paths, plans, points of self-development not only at an internal level but also interpersonal or in relation to activities in the world out there, and definitely getting to be aware that the person is genuinely supporting themselves where I won’t conform with having an intent of self-support in another but rather having a consistent proof of that through one’s everyday living.  And in relation to myself, I will also have to let go of my surreptitious desires, wants and needs based on having someone with me that is more of a ‘supportive’ role than an active co-creator in a relationship. My definition of wanting to be challenged is no longer going to be in the sense of being challenged by/through relationships with people that I’ve defined as ‘challenging’ as having more ‘difficult patterns’ than other people and stop pretending that ‘I can change them for the best’ because as long as that intent is not there within themselves, it just won’t work.

The bottom line is, remembering that an Agreement as established and defined within the Desteni Principles is about SELF-Agreement, not about ‘the relationship’ or ‘the other person,’ it’s always about who one is and what one accepts and allow within a relationship, which means that at all times, whatever I accept and allow to exist within me towards another in a relationship or what I accept and allow to coexist with Is what I have to take responsibility for, as well as reminding myself that I can always have the ability to practically assess what is functional and when something ceases to be functional in self-honesty – no fear of loss, not keeping a relationship based on ‘everyone else’s expectations’ or my own ‘hopes’ around it, but be self-honest according to what the results are on practical reality on a day to day basis.

Ultimately, not to forget that it is me/myself/I that I will live with for the rest of my life anyways, so this is to not forget myself in the picture of a relationship-entity in separation of myself, but always realize that I am the one that determines my outcome and creation within a relationship, and that I have to be the one that is self-honest and self-checking to ensure self-compromise is not being allowed – and if it creeps up, to open it up and correct it within oneself, because ultimately who we are going to live with is ourselves and in our creation as an outflow of our choices and decisions, so what a better way to ensure that this is an effective outcome other than practically assessing what’s self-supportive for oneself and so others as well, always considering the potential, the process of change, being gentle and flexible yet practically assessing the continuity to this self-process within me and so within the context of a partnership or relationship.

That’s where I have to focus on myself, where I see I can best support myself, where I see there is more potential in the co-creation process with another in a relationship instead of placing myself from the beginning as the ‘supporter’ or ‘helper’ or ‘guiding light’ for another to get to a point of basic self-support, which at least for me, my position, my process, my life, what I’ve walked and done for myself, I am now deciding to recognize all of this as myself, who I am, my creation so that I no longer see myself through the eyes of ‘who I was in the past’ in the perception of being this ‘inferior’ person that would latch on to anyone that showed some appreciation back, but stand as who I currently am in my disposition to further develop myself, further challenge myself in conjunction with someone that is also visibly and practically challenging and pushing themselves to be better every day – and yes, I’ve heard it many times from people around me ‘Oh you’re asking too much, people are just not wired to be like that!’ but it is not so, I was once ‘the lost one’ that was existing in self-deprecation looking for a relationship to be saved as well, only to then turn into that myself once that I started ‘getting out of my own hole’ and that’s precisely what I have to stop perpetrating, inequality in a relationship and instead, create and establish self-supportive agreements where 1+1 = 2, nothing more and nothing less than that.

Thanks for reading

 

Check out our hangout on this topic with Maite and Matti

Trying to Save or Change your Partner? – Relationship Success Support

And Matti’s blogs on this point as well:

 

 

 

Join us in our process of Self-Expression as LIFE

Advertisements

499. From Captivity to Creating the Space to Grow

Or how to create relationships as safe and supportive spaces to change and outgrow the past as individuals

 

I’ve been noticing how it is that we create our own entrapment as definitions toward one another wherein we don’t actively consider the ability for another person to change from ‘who they were’ and ‘who they are now’ and so, in a way through our interactions with each other one can create expectations about how another person ‘usually reacts’ or ‘usually responds’ to something and in this assumption, we are shutting the door to change, to enabling the other person to in fact ‘step out of character’ as their usual programming and apply themselves in their own self-change.

It’s quite a sabotaging situation really and I’ve faced both ends in my relationship with my partner where I’ve been in the position of condemning him already for something that I expect he’s done or not done or experiencing, expecting a ‘usual’ pattern that I had noticed in him – or worse! That I had assumed he was experiencing or reacting to, but wasn’t so at all – and at the same time, I’ve also now contributed to creating certain conditionings from him towards me based on initial reactions I would have to particular type of conversations to a point where then he doesn’t share about such things anymore, based on how I would usually go a whiney-reaction. Here I had to understand that I did it to myself and I caused it on another, while also reminding him that he can also assist me in letting go of that perception or anticipation and rather assist me in sharing the same points again so that I can test myself around those points.

So in this type of situations of course it takes one in a couple or in a group of people to stand up and take responsibility for acknowledging and witnessing these limiting play outs. This is precisely one of those aspects that are very important for us people walking this process from consciousness to awareness to take the lead in being the ones that step out of the ‘usual flow’ of such situations and can point out the assumptions, the limitations and the conditional expressions that are going on in both or all ways and explain them so that it becomes a supportive feedback to realize the limitation and so create a new agreement of how to approach these situations so that both or more can be supportive about it.

This is what I did recently with my partner after I noticed how I was being precisely in these two ends of the pattern, within the assumption or expecting of another to ‘do the same and not change’ while also having the other person assume that I would react to the same and so preventing it by not sharing it.

I opened this up not within a reaction or making out of it an accusatory point or blame or victimization- no, it was a simple moment of sharing what I was seeing had been happening all along with my partner, how I have in fact limited him based on the initial reactions I would see he would had towards certain things or ‘states of mind’ that I believed I could learn to ‘read’ in him, but! I would not ask directly to him, I mostly usually assumed them – or would get too inquisitive to the point that it would become too analyzing and over-patronizing from me towards him whenever I would perceive certain ‘attitudes’ or expressions, which I had to acknowledge was my own paranoia created toward him that in fact is limiting towards both of us, because it’s me existing as the expectation or even ‘fear’ of him not changing or doing the same over and over again as an experience or ‘state of mind’ within him, which now that I’ve been rather cross-referencing with him and asking directly without any whiney-tones or over-analyzing nature.

I’ve realized how I had been assuming a LOT about him,  just because I was still expecting a particular ‘attitude’ as a constant demonstration of him being at ease or calm etc. based on how I demonstrate such comfort in myself, forgetting that not everyone will ‘express it’ the same way.  Yet I’ve found that he obviously has his very own ways of being quite stable and in comfort within himself even if to me I assume he’s got a ‘straight face’ or could be ‘uncomfortable’ lol which is still indicating two things: one, that I am over-paranoid about ‘how he’s doing’ and at the same time I am expecting him to ‘become like me’ which won’t happen and should not happen in any way, because this is about him and his expression, his mind, his body, his process of awareness, etc.  I still can ask and find out that I am completely assuming something very different to what he is experiencing.

So what have I learned here? That I was over-assuming, I was creating a paranoia about ‘his states of being’ and at the same time, I was trapping him within my mind in the idea of him never changing, which is, to say the least very, very limited and quite unfair because I am holding my own previous judgments of previous moments, past times and impose them towards ‘who he is’ currently as if it is ‘still defining him’ because ‘that’s how he used to be.’

Well, this is the kind of not supportive approach towards another and here I commit myself to stop assuming and rather first Let Go of wanting to know all the time ‘how he’s doing’ because that’s actually me as expectation or rather as a ‘fear’ of ‘him not changing’ which should not exist in me either because I’ve seen how it’s not cool for me towards him nor the other way around to be holding each other captive in certain roles or characters. At the same time his process is definitely something that I don’t have to be ‘commanding’ on, we can comment and discuss stuff and get to certain understandings which is cool, but I absolutely see that I have to step down from my exigency towards him and stopping defining myself as ‘being very exigent’ towards others as well, because it becomes over-protective and this stiffness and rigidity in my stance toward another.

Here acknowledging self-responsibility for myself means I have to focus on myself and where I can acknowledge my own mistakes and control-freakism in this case and explain the patterns, acknowledge them and own them myself, which is what I’ve done towards him and explaining how I noticed this ‘trap’ that I was imposing onto him expecting ‘the worst’ when in fact this was created based on memories only and not really ‘here’ as who he is currently and the points he’s working on himself.

Therefore, I forgive myself that I’ve accepted and allowed myself to hold another captive in a particular character and experience of their past or how I created a usual perception of who they were when first getting to know them, wherein I still tend to want to check ‘where he is’ currently and ‘how he is experiencing himself’ as an attempt to cross reference ‘how he is changing or not’ but this is my own paranoia and it doesn’t support him either at all, while at the same time I have to completely ‘let go’ of wanting to have any impact on him and his life for the better, because this is not about ‘me wanting to achieve results upon him,’ but entirely about him and what he decides to do or not do for himself and in his life.

Therefore I have to let go of wanting to ‘know’ or ‘check him’ in that way, because placing myself in his shoes, I would not like to be treated that way either.

And at the same time I also explained to him how I have definitely caused him to now not talk about certain things based on my reactions towards that in the past. So I explained that yes, that was me in the past and I have considered and looked at the points that I have to change within myself so that he can also please assist me in continuing to open up those same points I would ‘react’ to in the past and test myself out this time around. Because! I explained that in doing so, it’s a way to assist myself in now embracing those topics, questions, aspects he brings up and watch out for my attempts to react to it, because then I would be the one creating ‘cycles’ within me toward him and vice-versa. And I also explained how I consider this is how partnership relationships become conflictive and stifled in lacking communication over time where one holds a grudge toward the other and vice-versa eventually basing the entire current-moment that is being lived conditioned to the past, to ‘who we were’ and that’s absolutely not cool, not giving any room to grow ourselves as individuals and so in the relationship.

Here, I also have become aware of how in partnership relationships, if both people ‘stick to their egos’ in the form of pride or righteousness as in believing that ‘the other person is always wrong and I am always right’ that’s the most toxic stance that creates a maiming, a stifling and stagnation in any potential growth individually or as a couple, because if we hold each other captive to ‘who we were’ or how we have come to know another ‘usually reacts to this/that’ then, we are already expecting the person to not change, to ‘remain in character’ instead of rather in those moments, stopping our assumptions, stopping our ‘expected outcomes as usual’ and give ourselves that space to grow,  that moment to breathe and settle into our potential as that chance, that opportunity for us to change, to do things differently this time around.

That’s exactly what I’ll be focusing on and applying specifically towards my partner and remind myself that it’s not up to me how he goes walking his own process of self-change, but entirely about him and his responsibility. I can only stand as an equal to him that can be a point of support, of reference of direct assistance if needed but all of this has to be done unconditionally, not regurgitating assumptions based on memories, based on the past.

What does it take to do this? It takes letting go of that tendency to want to be ‘in control’ of something and instead give space for another to breathe, to play with their own realizations and situations which has actually worked much better in other aspects where I’ve been directly not pointing out ‘all that I believe he must change’ but more have allowed him to go noticing certain things over time, and this again that I just shared is still coming from my idea, belief or perception that I am ‘more aware’ than him, but in any case whether it is so or not, I have to completely let go of a ‘knowing’ and instead simply work with what is here, in the moment, being and committing myself to be the one that stands up to ‘stop the back and forth limitations’, to remind ourselves of having to step out of these cycles of expectations and assumptions based on ‘who we were in the past’ and rather assist each other to test ourselves, who we are in every moment without expectation, without holding on to grudges which yes it is another toxic aspect in relationships where we haven’t allowed ourselves to forgive ourselves and each other for some kind of conflict in the past.

This then ensures that we can acknowledge the patterns being played out and get to our personal responsibility about them and remind ourselves/each other of it, yet it’s all up to us individually to change it, yet together in the relationship.

I therefore will continue working on becoming flexible but more so giving that space, to not ‘asphyxiate’ others when it comes to ‘pushing them to change’ in one way or another, because that is definitely not how this process works and I instead have to focus on letting go of my tendency to control and be ‘on top of all things’ as in a superiority actually fueled by fear wherein I have to be considerate of another’s process and me not wanting to ‘push’ anything, but only be an example without any hidden agenda either, otherwise I’d compromise my own self movement to do it to ‘show him’ or ‘show others’ and that’s not the point either, lol –

It’s fascinating how this whole process is really about a constant assessment of finding the equilibrium in one’s participation with others and in our lives, not going into extremes out of reactions but live words that are supportive according to the situations we’re facing, test them out and see what the outcomes are, to from that continue rearranging, re-assessing, fine-tuning and testing again… it’s a constant thing to do but a very cool one because it is about asserting our own authority as authors of our lives, of deciding to actively fine tune things that we would have normally lived out in ‘auto-pilot’ mode and this way we can challenge and so change the ‘usual ways’ that relationships had existed in this world and now turn them into ‘safe spaces’ with one another in personal agreements to commit to self-change while continuously having someone else that gets to know us very well – and vice versa – that can assist us when one is going into ‘the same old reactions’ while at the same time not being controlling or overbearing in ‘pointing all the wrong things out’ – it’s a fine balance, but with prudence it can be done.

It can be a bit complex to explain and generalize this because it all depends on each situation, but I am confident that we all can find that ‘equilibrium’ spot in our relationships which will be understood and realized and we’ll become aware of being ‘at it’ because we won’t have any conflict towards our partner or another in our minds, it will involve an immediate humbleness and consideration towards another and their life, their process, while being able to provide feedback while at the same time letting go of any ‘expected result’ out of it, and that’s how it goes. It’s like an in breath and out breath in those situations and all it takes in my case is to let go of my ego that wants to ‘control it all’ and ‘overbearing’ which I have to first apply to myself in order to not recreate these very patterns again, and that’s how I can bring the point first back to myself instead of focusing ‘on another’ or ‘another’s process’ – while also making others aware of not doing the same towards us, but be a point of support that can assist each other in facing those ‘usual points we react to’ and bringing them up again, and again, and again until we can be clear and stand through it.

Thanks for reading

 

Libera las Ataduras

 

Join us in our process of Self-Awareness as LIFE


441. Paranoid Assumptions: How to Walk Through Them

 

This is a continuation to an aspect within myself that I had written down, disclosed and seen from many angles a couple of years ago in the entry 396. I Think, therefore I Assume but, certainly as with many other aspects and points we find within our minds, it is just not going to go away by writing it out or self-forgiving the mess made by assuming all at once. This point of ‘assuming’ which is a guessing process wherein, in my particular case, I use that uninformed ‘guess’ to jump into a conclusion about something/someone in such a fast pace that it can determine in one moment who I am going to be or how I am going to react to another person only by misunderstanding, jumping into conclusions, guessing ‘where the person is coming from’ or ‘what they are hiding’ or ‘what they are implying,’ which I must remind myself are all entirely my sole creation.

What do I mean by ‘my creation’? An assumption as I see it, is a series of thoughts that we concoct inside our minds as a reply or reaction based on some input we have, which means information from an external source. Now, upon discussing this point last night with my partner, I realized how I was kind of ‘vilifying’ the word ‘assumption’ in itself, and it is not that it is all ‘bad’ about making a guess about things, that’s Not the problem, but who we are within guessing or assuming and if one is emotionally invested into it.

So, I take his explanation to place it out here because it assisted me to see how there can be plain ‘guessing’ that comes without any personal investment onto it, like say I ‘guess’ or ‘assume’ it’s going to rain today because there’s a ton of those very gray clouds in the sky. That’s about it, a guess, an assumption based on the state of the sky in that moment. There’s an educated guess that comes from say checking out the weather forecast in more than one source – which is still not an absolute point of accuracy – and one can make an educated guess or assumption that ‘yes, it will rain because two or more sources indicate so.’ There can also be a ‘paranoid’ form of guessing where one is emotionally invested onto it, like say if I hated the rain because it ruins my possibility to go for a walk, and so if I look up at the sky and see the wind and the clouds and I immediately get flustered about it because ‘It’s going to rain, yes, and my going out will be ruined, oh god why!’ type of overwhelming reaction – exaggerated here but to get the point – is where one then creates a relationship to ‘raining’ or a particular weather as a source for personal discomfort, anger, frustration and the rest of it within oneself. This ‘paranoid guessing’ that comes from only checking up at the sky and then reacting emotionally to it, is what we usually create patterns of so that whenever I see the same colors in the sky, I don’t even bother to think further other than just jumping into the assumption that ‘my day is ruined because I won’t go for a walk, because it’s going to rain.’

Now this is a ‘light’ example so to speak, but if we transpose it to other more ‘personal’ situations like say assuming that my partner ‘would like to be with another individual he sees on the streets better than me’ based on a paranoid guess, a paranoid assumption and we don’t communicate or investigate further about it in terms of opening up ‘who he is’ within looking at another person in a particular way and so walking through that point together, one can jump into this ‘paranoid assumption mode’ that can spiral out of control into a form of paranoia, a reel of backchats within oneself that come with a tension, a fear, an anxiety of ‘them wanting to be with another instead’ or ‘I am not good enough for him so that’s why he checks others out’ or ‘I bet he’d prefer a less imposing relationship’ etc. etc. Which is something that actually has happened to me and that upon opening up this point with my partner, it was cool to realize how he understands the pattern, how automated it is as a simple ‘checking out’ which has also to do with very ingrained male programming that he simply has to be more diligent to direct if he is up for doing so. He clarified how there is no ‘intent’ in it beyond that momentary experience of ‘checking out’ for example that he had been quite conditioned to, so that will be then his point to work through and my point is to Not jump into these paranoid assumptions from one figment of reality that I take within me to react to.

 The point here is that through rather asking directly, opening up the point, there were no more ‘paranoid assumptions’ about it, but instead we can work with facts, reality checks. I got to see how in fact I was escalating the point waaay too much, which I had done before but that time in the past, I kept it quiet and building it up for some time, until I confronted it and turned out to be true in relation to these distractions, where I also shared my personal experience and process of in this case also directing myself to no longer ‘unconsciously’ seek for ‘other potential partners’ for example, no matter how ‘automated’ this had become in my case as well. So it became a point of understanding as well that it takes time and real diligence to master this point of no longer ‘deviating’ my attention once I am in a committed relationship.

So that was a long explanation, but! It was assisting for me to also see the variations of ‘assumptions’ and so here to redefine the relationship to these ‘paranoid assumptions’ where I have considered I jump into conclusions and ideas and perceptions all based entirely only on what exists within me

Here another point opens up: it means that these ‘paranoid assumptions’ are in fact  my own projection toward others, where I can be the one that hides, implies, beats around the bush or speaks from a state of reaction about things. So, I see that paranoid assuming becomes much more prevalent when – again, assuming – lol – that we all won’t just ‘say things as they are’ but implying there is always something that is kept away/aside/hidden for the sake of benefiting or protecting oneself or any other form of ego-trait that leads us to, for example, not explain ourselves entirely toward another, which can be also a practical reason in many contexts. An example is how one won’t go explaining one’s entire medical condition to someone that asks ‘how are you doing’ and even if one visibly looks not so well, let the whole clinical history out in that moment, we usually say we are ‘doing so so with x situation, but recovering’ and the other person can be ‘ok’ with the response, not lying just not giving the whole explanation, not for the sake of ‘hiding’ or anything, but for practical reasons.

These ‘paranoid assumptions’ imply the moments where I immediately ‘jump’ to ‘fill in the blanks’ coming from the starting point of already assuming that this person exists already in a constant state of seeking benefit or perpetual deception, or usually hiding something, or just blatantly lying for some reason. I can see that this can be defined as ‘lacking trust towards others’ but this is more of my own reflection as well when it comes to being aware how us humans operate in our minds  and so believing that others are lying, hiding all the time. This could be a reality, yes, but it is exactly because of this justification around ‘Everyone lies, everyone deceives, everyone is dishonest’ that I go justifying my ‘assumptions’ and qualify them as ‘real’ in no time, which has led me to jump into unbearable assumptions that mostly lead to conflictive situations, simply because of how fast I ‘made up my mind’ about something or someone without actually taking the steps to apply the ‘antidote’ to assuming: investigating, asking questions, communicating, clarifying, opening up the point with another until clarity is reached.

Why has it taken so much from me to actually ask? Because! There is a righteousness involved in assuming, in believing that ‘I am always right’ about another’s intentions, state of mind or hidden agendas, which is of course not entirely so. Sure, I mean, when we get to know how our minds operate and one becomes like a ‘mind technician’ where one is able to see the equations behind things, it does get a bit tricky to not immediately do so and assume that ‘it’s always going to work that way’ but, in reality there are lots of exceptions and I have been tested quite often based on the assumptions I have created toward my partner for example, and time and time again after jumping into assumptions and responding from my assumptions to something, and when deciding to ‘roll back’ the moment and see what steps did I ‘miss’ or ‘where did I jump into conclusions’ I realize that I in fact ‘filled in the blanks’ in my mind, even though what was said was quite clear in itself. This is the moment where I have to apply humbleness in recognizing that yes, I did assume or made it ‘more’ than what it is in my mind, which in other words is that acceptance of being wrong about my assumption and so propose a solution in that moment to my ‘mistakes’ which in this case are ‘missed-steps’ in communication.

One can also say that assuming comes from a form of control, believing that one ‘knows’ someone or knows how ‘predictable’ we all are that we immediately jump into these ideas or beliefs and believe in them, blindly so. I consider this is part of one of the greatest problems in communication in fact, where we believe we ‘know’ what another person is ‘truly about’ or ‘truly like,’ and how just by observing them, hearing their words, or misinterpreting their interactions toward ourselves or others that we can already assume/predict or magically ‘know’ exactly what they are ‘all about.’ Wrong! And we do this just because of a) not daring to actually get to know a person in reality, which means, actually communicate and truly see who are they in their words, in their life, develop a relationship with them; or b) because we believe we already ‘know the reasons’ behind anyone’s words – which is like this all knowing god-ego that we carry around in our heads – and so we apparently need ‘no more explanations’ from another because we are already in fact projecting our assumptions, our beliefs about others, so ‘why bother, if I already know it?’ type of reaction, which I could label as arrogant, conceited and egotistical of myself, however judging myself for it is of course not the solution here, at all.

I have seen myself create an entire ‘story’ of assumptions as to create a ‘why’ to something in what is called ‘quantum time’ meaning, super- fast and in that moment already reply, after seconds of hearing some version of a story, a set of words wherein I ‘assume’ that I know the real reason behind that, therefore I have the right to, for example, appear as ‘outraged’ about something even if through words I may say a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ but within an entire stance and experience within myself of apparently ‘already knowing the ‘truth’ of the matter’ and so, justifying my immediate reaction to something or someone within a particular experience. All of this is in fact one of those ‘chain reactions’ or massive paranoid assumptions that can unfold to what is most commonly known as arguments or verbal battles between people, just becomes of one or both – or more involved – going into various assumptions of what either one meant to in fact say.

 

So, first of all a point I have to continue working on is on slowing down, just today I had one of those situations where upon asking something to my partner and upon getting a very straightforward answer, I immediately went into assuming the ‘missing link’ I was already going to ‘take on’ as ‘what he implied’ but fortunately he immediately said ‘and by saying that, no, I don’t mean that I would do this/that’ which means, he added more information to prevent me from going into one of those ‘insta-assumptions’, which means that yes he’s already aware of my ‘pattern’ of jumping into these conclusions which actually have contributed to misconstrue the idea I have of him, which if I look back it actually becomes a way to continue imprisoning each other within those same judgments and ways to treat or perceive another, because we believe they ‘haven’t changed’ or ‘have been this/that way in the past’ and so not allowing another to in fact step out of ‘the past’ if I recreate it even within my paranoid assumptions. Lol, it’s been actually quite great because this way it becomes a constant point to test myself and see where I go into ‘reading between the lines’ about a situation, and when I in fact ‘burst the paranoia bubble’ and simply ask directly. So far, asking directly and to the point has dispelled a Lot of misunderstandings or paranoid assumptions on my side, which has in turn become a gift of developing communication, understanding and even trust in the sense that I then get to know where another stands in relation to something/someone and becomes an actual communication, veering towards a self-supportive approach rather than just recriminations, back and forths, quiet paranoid assumptions and the plethora of reactions that may stem from there.

Now, here I’ve used the partnership relationship as an example, but I could go on and on in the ways I assume things about almost everything, and so this is also a point for me to commit to slow down in my mind whenever wanting to ‘jump into paranoid assumptions’ and rather ask more questions, get more information, communicate more, develop a ‘getting to know’ another if I see I have held some judgment about them for some time, get to understand the ‘why’ of something, because this assists us in rather looking at potentials for solutions and change, rather than remaining escalating this paranoia which is of course not a cool way to go living at all.

Points to change or challenge oneself with when stopping paranoid assumptions? Real time application of admitting and changing one’s righteousness, sense of ‘pride’ or know-it-allness, one’s fear to communicate or open up something due to ‘fearing conflict’ for example, or ‘fearing losing’ a relationship of any kind, or just fearing breaking out of one’s bubble to communicate with another, and also very important! Once that one gets the actual facts – whether they are entirely true or not – to not go into paranoia about questioning that further information one may get when stepping out of assuming and communicating or investigating something further, like say me reacting to the realization that yes my partner was checking someone else out, lol, that would only re-wire the paranoia again. It is about in that moment talking through the points to acknowledge self responsibility in both sides – or if the other person is not aware or up for ‘self change’ then simply one’s own responsibility – to not go into further reactions or delusions, but instead then work with one’s own reactions, fears, emotions based on the responses we get, that’s one’s sole responsibility not another’s. The rest, should always be worked out, talked through with the two or more involved in the situation. That is to rectify that in fact, we can only change ourselves, we can only be an example and show to others ‘how it can be sorted out’ but, we can’t ever push another to do the same for themselves, unless they are entirely deciding to do so themselves.

Ok, some more dimensions/aspects might open up in time, but for now this has cleared up for me to see that when going into ‘paranoid assumptions’ I rather immediately communicate, speak up, investigate which means asking, confronting, walking through the fear that this might imply at times and realize that it’s just a limitation to actually see things for what they are so that we can work with ‘how things are’ in fact, and not building ‘possibilities’ or ‘ifs’ based on illusions/delusions or paranoid assumptions as uninformed guessing. This way one can instead build a solid relationship with another by understanding, by looking at solutions together rather than building up and remaining in conflicts and reactions.

 

Thanks for reading

 

Pointing back at me

 

Learn more about this and make it work for yourself!

The Free Desteni I Process Lite course is a first platform of self-support to learn more about ourselves, our mind and understand how we can practically improve our potentials and skills.


101. Communication Noise

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never question myself on whether what I am communicating is in fact being understood by the receptor the way that I am ‘intending’ to communicate, without realizing that words as they are currently used/ spoken are ‘open to interpretation’ which implies that everything that we are as our mind, our experiences, beliefs, perceptions, preferences and imagination exists/ acts/ performs in a different manner within each individual – hence I realize that in order for me to be able to communicate in reality with others, I first have to walk my own process of self-communication wherein I purify words in order to establish a common sensical/ self-supportive meaning to words that enables each word to become a directive principle and self-corrective statement in itself, as it is only through purifying/ clearing up the meaning of a word based on experiences and past considerations that we can in fact stand  – for the first time – as one and equal through/as the words we speak.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to engage in conversations wherein I never questioned the ability to be understood – hence developed a judgment based on perceiving and believing that others were ‘misunderstanding me’ which creates unnecessary separation/ division according to what we agree/ disagree with, without having taken into consideration dissecting the very words that were used in order to investigate how can we practically equalize the meaning of words to establish a proper communication, which is how and why through participating in conversations wherein words are only used to express the ‘who I am’ as my mind/ communicating to others that are also replying/ participating as the ‘who they are’ in their minds, the only thing we are co-creating in that moment is further separation as the interaction of characters creating a character-like conversation that in no way represent an actual expression of self equal and one here as who we really are. This is able to be spotted the moment that we comply to each other in order to continue talking/ participating in a conversation and go interpreting/ assuming ‘what words mean,’ which clearly leads to the creation of relationships based on preferences, similar mind-connections as personalities supporting each other to remain as mind characters –

Thus I realize that in order to be able to communicate, there’s a process to walk first and that is self-communication to establish self’s equality and oneness with and as words.

 

This is a process that begins with myself, taking responsibility to first walk through the redefinition of the words I speak and ensuring that when and as I am communicating with another, I go verifying that the other person is understanding what I mean based on the premise of me being communicating from the starting point of establishing an equal and one point of communication,which implies that I must first walk my own mind, my beliefs, ideas, perceptions, judgments in order to start establishing self-honesty as myself, as the words I speak and live, so that I become in fact an ‘agent of change’ in terms of creating and establishing a point of communication in self honesty, not allowing myself to communicate from a ‘character’ perspective, but instead express myself as words that will support another being to become aware of the words we speak, how to structure a message in a way that it is clearly understood and also establishing communication form the starting point of self-expansion and self-support , so that any character possession is called out immediately, exposed, walked through self-forgiveness and as such, become the living practical change that is required in order to stop all ‘mind interference’/ misinterpretation as the ‘open for interpretation’ type of communication noise.

And within/ as this, establish agreements/ relationships between one another wherein our words are understood as clear as water, wherein no hidden intentions as secret mind are kept, as this is the way we can once again begin to establish trust between one another: ensuring that we live the words we speak, ensuring that we are in fact constant and consistent in the process of sharing/ communicating the reality of ourselves and no more the characters that we had ‘given our life to’ in a literal manner, as each character takes ‘the best of ourselves’ as consuming the very life essence that we have neglected every time that we suit words to perfect a character and not life.

 

Psychological noise

Psychological noise results from preconceived notions we bring to conversations, such as racial stereotypes, reputations, biases, and assumptions. When we come into a conversation with ideas about what the other person is going to say and why, we can easily become blinded to their original message. Most of the time psychological noise is impossible to free ourselves from, and we must simply strive to recognize that it exists and take those distractions into account when we converse with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to load a character when and as communicating to another being based on how I perceive them to be according to embodying a particular race, gender and sex, language, image presentation wherein I realize that I have communicated myself based on the images and preconceived ideas I have in my mind with regards to another being as the configurations/ stereotypes that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist as and project onto others, which becomes a definitive noise that does not allow unconditional self-expression here as the words in equality toward one another.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to communicate with another in a specific limited manner whenever I have a preconceived idea of ‘who the being is’ in relation to the ‘reputation’ that they have, which is nothing else but the generalized conception we create and built about ourselves/others as their ‘idea of self’ that is used in order to categorize and value beings according to how people ‘see them’ based on judgments that are created for comparative and superlative means, which implies that we assume ‘who the being is’ just by the way they look, the past they ‘hold’ as the idea of self that is sustained by intangible memories in the mind, the way they interact with others and their choice of words which I have then taken on as a way to establish ‘who I am’ toward the being in communication based on self-interest, as there can only exist a point of self-interest/ self defense to either enable an open communication or not at any given moment.

 

I see, realize and understand that within sticking to the physical reality, all that I am practically able to see and verify is that I am speaking toward another human being that I am able to hear through my ears and decode a message from. Thus I stick to hearing to the words in the moment instead of creating an expectation toward ‘who the being is’ as a pre-text to hold a prejudice toward the point of communication with another.

 

I see, realize and understand that sectarianism and elitism based on the idea I’ve held of ‘who the being is’ exists in every moment that I am faced to communicate with a being wherein I load their picture, their reputation, their mannerisms, an entire history triggered by their image presentation as a way to assess ‘who/how I will be’ communicating with/ toward them, which implies that I am limiting my expression toward another based on the beliefs, ideas and perceptions that I create of someone in my mind, which are the cages/ prefab forms/ cookie cutter  stereotypes that we use to define one another as a character with specific interests, preferences and ‘ways of being’ – which is in essence allowing ourselves as characters to communicate with others through seeing them as characters which is how real actual communication is not existent, but only a a general back and forth forms of complacency and tolerance takes place between one another to keep the characters in place, ensuring that no one ‘provokes’ the other enough to step out of the safe bounds of the idea of self/ character in play.

 

I  forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the predictability of characters to my perceived/ believed advantage wherein I thought that because of ‘how predictable others are,’ I am in fact a superior character that is able to then use such characterization to my benefit wherein I know how to ‘treat them’ to agree with me, which is wanting them to agree with the character that I have accepted and allowed myself to be/become as well – thus I see how communication becomes an application of myself as a character that I have adjusted to according to the beings I will be talking to, wherein I would transform myself as the character that can speak words and present myself in a specific way as to facilitate the relationship with specific characters, just because of realizing how relationships can only exist between similar characters and as such, realizing that I could only  be and become an effective ‘social being’ if I was able to equalize myself to the characters I wanted to get along with – which means that I suppressed my expression in order to make it fit a particular characterization in means of being accepted by others/ socializing with others to establish relationships that I believed were ‘real,’ never wanting to see that I had in fact only suited myself to be part of such relationships just because of the value/ worth I had given to such characters in the first place as ‘more’ than me – thus

 

I realize that unconditional communication can only exist whenever I hold no reputation of another/ nor do I seek to become a specific character perceived as ‘more than myself’ in order to satisfy a point of self-interest. I realize that what is real  is the ability to express ourselves as the reality we are existing-as in the moment – this means that communication in itself is not to be seen as a way to ‘comply’ to each other’s characters, but to be and become the example of how it is possible to establish communication with another being based on common sense and not character-agreements wherein we tip-toe around anything that is self honest as that would break the bubble, the illusion of self that is kept as a silent agreement between one another, as we are all in fact aware of how our ego/ personality/ idea of self is ‘our precious’ that we fear letting go of, simply because of realizing that when and as we step out of character = the truth of ourselves is exposed  – and within this, the inevitable realization of self-responsibility steps forth IF the being is willing to stand in self honesty and let go of the masquerade/ character played toward self and others in means of communication/ establishing relationships that actually stand in equality and oneness to assist and support ourselves to actually live.

 

When and as I see myself complying to the character of another being in order to keep our bubbles/ characters in place  – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I have to be and become the example of what it is to be here,speaking, sharing and communicating in self honesty which means: I breathe and I allow myself to share who I am in that moment, the practical realizations I’ve had in relation to a particular point and how I have supported myself to practically step out of character, as I see and realize that this is the type of communication that is in fact beneficial for any being= how to support ourselves/ how to step out of character and realize who we really are and what can be possible if we all do this, as it is the characterization that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become the detrimental aspect that we have kept ‘intact’ because of not wanting to ‘touch on sensitive parts’ within the illusion of respecting one another while/ during communication, without realizing that respect in such situations is nothing else but keeping our characters/ masquerades intact/ untouched due to each one knowing and realizing that the moment that we expose our characters for what they are, we cannot keep hiding the truth of ourselves behind it.

 

Thus I assist and support myself to be self-honest within and toward myself to in every moment that I am communicating with another, ensuring that I am clear as in being communicating in common sense = considering what is self-supportive/ best for all and stopping myself from going into character-play outs in means of establishing a relationship with another being as a character and not as an equal and one being that I can relate-to by the mere fact of being able to talk and reciprocate each other through using words that make us feel good/ important or special – all self deception must be called out if self-honesty is here to be established between two or more beings in self-honesty.

 

I realize that any idea of me having to ‘have something in common’ with another being in order to communicate is simply a prejudice that must be understood as a limitation that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, simply because of actually fearing breaking the point of specialness that we hold toward ourselves as our characters and within that, fearing realizing that everything we had previously perceived ourselves to be a in being more special than/ unique and ‘authentic’ as a character is debunked within the realization that we are human beings that are equal in all ways, including the mechanisms each one of us use to cover up our reality here in self-honesty through characterization.

 

When and as I see myself ‘choosing my words’ based on who I believe the other person is – such as level of education, race, gender, nationality, social stratus – I stop and I breathe. I realize that I had allowed myself to be and become pliable/malleable and morph myself into various characters in order to be accepted/ ‘have it easy’ to communicate with different characters – wherein instead of having placed the example of not standing in/as self-deception in terms of characterization and actually supporting myself and others to set the tone of communication in self honesty – one has to pave the way.

 

I realize that we have an inherent ability to communicate with one another by the mere fact of being human beings, yet I had accepted and allowed myself to conform/ morph myself according to event/ situation / moment and ‘who the person is’ as a character, wherein I then gave up self-honesty to mimic the same coping-mechanisms as ‘communication’ in an attempt to be liked/ accepted by another in such attempts of communication in order to  get a positive experience out of the idea of ‘having communicated with another’ but in fact, it was only me rubbing the communication the right way according to the characters I would identify the being was ‘playing out,’ wherein I would suit my expression to be ‘like them’ and as such, be ‘liked by them,’ ensuring only the perpetuation of characters as ‘who we are’ instead of being the example and placing the starting point of an equal and one self-communication that is in fact self-supportive for both/ all parties involved.

 

“Most of the time psychological noise is impossible to free ourselves from, and we must simply strive to recognize that it exists and take those distractions into account when we converse with others.”

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that it would be impossible to free ourselves from the cages that we have created and manifested toward one another as the characterization we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become, according communication with one another based on each one being a character with a set of beliefs, ideas, perceptions about themselves/ reality that I had to apparently ‘respect’ and ‘beat around the bush’ whenever it came to communicate about something that could possibly lead them to realize that they were playing a character, because that would imply that I would also have to step out of character and in this reality, because of how we have only defined ourselves to be only ‘characters’ = we feared losing that which we believe is ‘all we are,’ without realizing that stepping out of character is the first point of self-correction that must be understood in order to ensure that we are willing to let go of the illusion of self that we have wrought as words, pictures, images, memories based on who and what we ‘wanted to be/ become’ toward others in our environment/ reality, which means that everything we have ever believed ourselves to be becomes the words that we communicate, which is how no communication has ever been real as we have never been real with and toward ourselves in the first place.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that I had to ‘tolerate’ such character differences when and as communicating with others, wherein I tacitly agreed to keep myself as ‘my character’ that would have problems and / or ‘strive’ to communicate effectively toward other characters, without realizing that it is in this very self-belief that I caged myself and others to remain within the same characterization that prevents the reality of ourselves from being expressed and exposed, to realize and recognize to what extent we have become complacent and obliged ourselves to ‘follow through’ with the lies we created ourselves as and how we have threatened each other to keep our characters intact, wherein the moment one dares to step out of character = attack ensues, as one character stepping out of line will inevitably force the other characters to evaluate themselves and reconsider ‘who they are’ as well – thus, it is to see and realize how we require to be the example of how it is absolutely possible to establish equal and one communication with others once that we have established such self-communication as ourselves, developing self honesty to ensure that the words we express as ourselves are in fact standing in an equal and one self-agreement of what we are willing ourselves to be/ become: living beings that are here to equalize a reality that has never existed In/as equality in fact.  Thus I see and realize the task at hand and the work that comes when understanding that the key to change this reality exists within us, as the very words that we speak – as words are the foundation of how we have built our current world system.

 

This implies that in order to establish an equal and one communication, an equal and one understanding is required. This is thus established through each one of us participants of the creation of/as the new world, committing ourselves to walk our individual processes of writing, applying self-forgiveness to develop self-honesty and walk the necessary self-correction to ensure that from here on, we become the living example of what ‘change’ as an actual process is implied, as it is not only a change of attitude or perspective toward one another – but it implies an entire process of education wherein we finally get to understand who we are within the ‘greater picture’ as a reality that is no greater than ourselves, as we are in fact one and equal to all that is here.

 

A word in separation of self became the cell that we ostracized ourselves in, forgetting that we were in fact living cells of one single body that cannot function properly unless all parts are intercommunicated through a set of systems that ensure life is able to thrive within the organism.

 

Thus I see and realize that it is within the understanding of who and what I am as a living cell within this living body that must take responsibility to establish proper communication to realize the interdependence we hold to one another as all cells that conform the body that is currently facing the cancer of greed and individualism as the religion of self. Proper communication means proper functioning of the organism, means  establishing the responsibility to each part which will ensure a proper conduction of the flow of blood to irrigate the body with a new understanding: Equality as Life is the only way we can thrive – the healing process comes when we understand how we manifested the illness.

 

What are systems in our body but structures and manifestations that enable the interconnection of one single body as one organism, signals are sent from one part of the body to another in order to function properly = there Is Self-Communication existing in/ as our physical body – the question is: why haven’t we considered this basic living-principle and externalized it in an equal manner as the relationships established with one another?

 

We now understand that the principle of Equality implies as within= so without. Who I am as words must reveal the points that I must correct as me for me to finally be real and here – this thus implies that who I am willing to testify myself-as is my responsibility as the words hold the key to self-creation – and I understand that in order to make the body function as one, communication as words expressed in self honesty and common sense are the key to create a new way to walk the current consequences of our primordial separation that has gotten to the current state we are in as this world = our reality, as whatever we have created as separation holds a point of self deception that must be brought back to life through understanding how we created and manifested the point that enabled separation.

 

This is how our mind is a tool as it shows and reveals that which we have separated ourselves from = my mind holds the key that must be equalized in order to step into the reality of me here, that’s always been here – yet separated from my very awareness as I had only intellectualized reality, communicated through words that would make myself/ others more or less than self here when in fact: who we are is equal and one – hence words that support this realization is the new declaration of life that must be brought to application one by one, word by word, correction by correction until it is done.

 

Instead of defining conversation as the coming and going of character scripts, I commit myself to establish a universation  wherein the words I speak are equal and one as the expression of ourselves in Equality as Life; where the con is no more a fixed Version of the character that is not standing as equal and one – it is within this realization that life will be born in the physical as we take back our point of authority for once and for all, the authority that was lost from the moment we were born from the darkness into the light.

 

Time to wake up – clock is ticking and words await to be lived.

 

Desteni

Desteni Forum

Equal Money System

For specialized assistance and self-support: Desteni I Process

Agreements Course

teeth fear

 

Blogs:

 

The Revelation of Self:


Women that like ‘Bad Boys’

Today I listened to the interview that Bernard uploaded with regards to women being attracted to aggressive males. The moment I read the title of the video I realized that I was reacting according to what I had defined as a  ‘preference’ point. Now this not based on what I have defined as ‘physical aggression’ but a single attitude of males that seem to act ‘tough’ or seemingly intrepid/ aggressive which ends up being translated as the ‘rebellious’ type.

 

Now, looking at relationships I saw how I have existed within this pattern as a ‘preference’ point wherein I would be ‘drawn’-to or attracted to people that would present themselves as ‘aggressive’ or ‘rebellious’. My experience towards this ‘preference’ – or what I deemed as preference – was that of identifying my self still to that point, this is then the reason why I reacted to this single interview – or just by reading the title – as this was pushing a button directly wherein still in the back of my head I would be looking for a male that would seemingly be ‘aggressive’ or ‘tough’ or ‘rebellious’. <This eventually caused me to get my self into relationships which I have already taken on through a self forgiveness ride so to speak, extensively as this was one of the primary points that I took on when I began my process.

 

Though this time it wasn’t about those particular ‘males’ in my life, it was about the ‘type’ of person that I would still ‘feel atracted to’ which we can see it’s based on a ‘feeling’, it’s based on an idea that I’ve still kept as part of ‘who I am’

 

When listening to the entire interview, I realized that I am definitely placing myself now in a position to walk with someone that is definitely the type of person I would not be ‘attracted to’ in terms of how they portray themselves – meaning ‘aggressive’ or seemingly ‘tough’, but actually allowing myself to get into a more ‘noble’ or ‘soft’ establishment wherein I have actually directed myself – not by that initial ‘likeness’ or ‘preference’, but by an actual realization of what is best for myself as best for all, someone I can actually support and walk with in terms of being flexible, not rough but rather gentle as I have been rather ‘rough’ myself in terms of relationships.

 

>Thus, I see that within the establishment of an agreement, this is the basic point to look at – not allowing myself to seek once again an ‘aggressive type’ but actually directing myself to stand with someone that will actually Support-myself and whom I can support-back without having such preprogrammed desire to be abused or creating that idea that ‘I like it rough’ and stuff which I had previously placed myself in previous life experiences within relationships.

 

I am currently satisfied that I am walking this point within these terms, the initial reaction I had then was ‘walked-through’ as I realized that I simply have to forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to believe or perceive that I was attracted to rought/ aggresive type of mails without realizing that I was actually only acting according to a preprogrammed pattern that is NOT who I am in any way whatsoever and thus

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to identify myself according to an apparent preference point of ‘liking tough males’ or liking ‘rebellious/ aggressive males’ because I saw them as ‘stronger’ and ‘people of respect’ without realizing that it is actually a preprogrammed defense-mechanism played out by males mostly in order to not be vulnerable and actually be open to change to stand in an equal stance with no ego on the front.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself for having identified ‘toughness’ or ‘aggresion’ with males as the type of males that I like without realizing that it was only me acting according to preprogramming and not actually stopping myself from any  moment that I would be ‘attracted to’ such type of males. Now I see and realize that I was simply still lingering to a self definition point according to preprogramming which is simply required to be stopped in order to actually direct myself within an agreement wherein I do not act according to or based upon  ‘preference’ but actual principle  upon assessing with whom it is best to walk this process towards a one and equal outcome as what’s best for all instead of going for a single idea or desire that I have followed in the past and that has proven to be the actual limitation wherein I create an ideal of ‘what I like’ without realizing I end up abusing myself and another for accepting and allowing such attitudes as ‘who the person is’

 

I am here to direct myself to stand with a partner based on common sense and in equality regardless of personality or any point of ‘preference’ and instead, commit myself to walk this according to what’s best for the partner as what’s best for myself as equals within the establishment of what’s best for all in all ways.

 

This is what I’ve walked and realized through walking the Desteni I Process as part of my entire process walked with Desteni – this is me now directing myself to establish what’s best for all when walking with another, relationships had been an ‘issue’ for me – not anymore, I can say I am here and ready to walk as the directness and confidence within myself as I stand as that point of Self Trust required to support myself and support another as myself.

I do not accept and allow myself to define myself according to any ‘preference’ towards males but instead alk one and equal with another that is willing to walk the same process I’m walking within Self Correction according to that which is best for all life.

I Stand as that point of self-direction considering the practical reality instead of following an ideal of what’s ‘best for myself’.

Cool! lol I had reacted a bit for that moment, I can see in clarity how I can direct this and thus, correct it in my reality.


%d bloggers like this: