Tag Archives: albedo

61: The Stoned Philosopher

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that Alchemy was ‘the real deal’ within reality to obtain the ultimate knowledge wherein I could finally obtain ‘the truth’ and be enlightened through knowledge and information.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify the lives of suffering and ‘misfortune’ as ‘lessons to be learned’ wherein we had to first reach our lowest bottom to then rebirth from the ashes like a phoenix, and in this allowing me to use all knowledge and information as myths and gnostic meanings in order to make sense of life, without ever pondering that life has always been here as myself, as my physical body that I used and abused in order to obtain some ‘higher knowledge’ that could lead me to ‘the ultimate power’ as eternal life, which I now see, realize and understand cannot in any way exist as a piece of information at all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to indulge in the ‘spiritual entheogen exploration’ wherein I believed that seeing the patterns on everything and dancing on the walls was really being seeing life moving and dancing for me, which I had kept as a memory that I didn’t want to ‘let go of’ because of how wonderful if was.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I was special because I could see all of these patterns, figures and energetic experiences that I have defined as ‘blissful,’ while having no idea whatsoever to what it actually implies to Live, which has nothing to do with any symbol, any pattern, any thought, any feeling or emotion – but self, here, stable as the I that stands aligned as a physical being that is no longer crucified by knowledge and information as the mind’s experience seeking ‘life’ in knowledge and information generating experiences that are finite and induced just like any other drug-related enlightenment.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ever believe that the truth of reality could only be accessed through knowledge, information or chemically induced experiences wherein everything that I saw was only myself, my own mind and in no way was I actually ‘being here’ as the actual realization of who I am as one and equal as life, but it was only a temporary mind-experience that lead me to seek further into knowledge and information, missing out the basic point which is: not having to ‘seek’ something outside of myself to live, but rather stopping the constant thinking, believing, perceiving, mind chatter and be here, breathing, being still yet self directive which is what I always overlooked when it came to seeking ‘enlightenment,’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to seek enlightenment as a way to evade taking Responsibility for myself, my world, my reality because I thought that through my own purification,  I would have an ‘easy-access’ to life, eternity and all the blissful experiences I sought – never taking into consideration the totality that is self-here as one and equal, but only minding my own business, only being concerned about ‘my’ experience only, which is the ultimate form of selfishness and self-interest that all-seeking spiritual people are currently perpetuating and feeding as themselves.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become obsessed with alchemy, its symbols, its illustrations and the depiction of the ‘majesty’ of life after walking a process of self-purification from the nigredo, to the albedo to the rubedo which is what I sought to be and become ‘no matter what,’ wherein I neglected at all times the actuality of the world that is here, wherein billions are having no means to eat – yet there I was, wanting to ‘ascend’ and be a super-consciousness being that could ‘the pattern of life’ which was only the patterns of consciousness itself as my own mind, reminding me that I have enslaved life to a pair of figures and symbols in an attempt to live.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become infatuated with knowledge, believing that ‘I was on to something’ and I was ‘this close’ to ‘get it’ wherein the chemical marriage implied that I had to fulfill a ‘journey’ in my life that was related to higher knowledge, higher understanding that made ‘me’ special and ‘unique’ because I felt as if it was ‘calling me,’ when in fact, it was all self induced and learned from examples in popular culture, just like from Jodorowsky and other ‘masters’ that I would read in order to make ‘my own religion’ based on personal self-interest to ‘be one with God’

 

I forgive myself that I had accepted and allowed myself to seek God in patterns that I could see with my physical eyes, seeking god in the ‘abject,’ seeking god in Hebrew words, symbols, alchemical terms and trying to find a meaning to life, without ever realizing that life has no meaning but is and exists in itself –

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to deposit my attention to ‘wonderful words’ that would mean something ‘too cryptic’ for me to understand, which made me want to understand and study more to be this ‘erudite’ in the matter, which would apparently make me ‘more’ than myself which is how intellectualism operates: the more you store as knowledge and information, the more ‘valuable’ you are in a system where life has been sold in the name of money, which provides enough ‘power’ that creates self-importance.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that my life was being ‘tested’ by life itself to see whether I could find and get all the clues to ‘get to god/ life/ eternal life’ which is how I became rather obsessed with numbers, religions, alchemy, gnosticism, tarot and anything that could ‘guide me’ to understand who I was and what I was doing here, following a self-importance journey to ‘enlightenment’ that only existed in my own head, feeling like John Nash having an entire conspiracy in the head, watching Pi and the Holy Mountain wherein I thought I could find ‘the meaning’ to it all.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that the symmetry and composition in a work of art was pointing out that I was trying to ‘give myself messages through images/ drawings’ which is nothing but the ultimate mindfuck that I participated in and created for myself, wherein I believed that I was drawing out my past lives and pointing out to me ‘the road to follow’ in this lifetime, which is nothing else but the product of knowledge and information that I used in order to make myself special, ‘unique’ and somehow more ‘powerful’ than the rest of the mortals because of having this ‘unique’ fascination with ‘all things divine’ which was only me in my mind seeking some grand entertainment to evade my responsibility in the world, evade actually planning a physical tangible practical living plan that I could use in order to LIVE in this physical reality, but instead being planning ‘who I would be’ once that ‘I’ve reached the ultimate step of enlightenment’ on Earth.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that smoking weed in any way was ‘opening consciousness’ and allowing me to ‘see more of reality’ which is one of the justifications I used to not give it up at the time.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that all bits of experience, all people, all events had a meaning in the puzzle I was busy building as my ‘spiritual journey,’ without realizing or even wanting to accept that I had created it in my mind all the way, and I was just giving more attention to that which ‘fascinated me,’ rather than toward that which represented facing myself, facing my own responsibility and getting to know my own mind as the real creator of this extensive mindfuck.

 

I realize that I used and abused my physical body in the name of seeking ‘life’ outside of itself as knowledge and information, which proves to what extent we have never even questioned the fact that we are not even aware of every breath that we take, of every single piece of the Earth that we consume in order to continue living and the processes it goes through in ourselves, IN our own physical body – it is ludicrous, yet we are here and walking the process to stop all mind-curiosity toward ‘elevated/ higher/ drugged knowledge’ that has had In No Way any consequence to life.

 

I realize that my initial ‘Love for Knowledge’ as philosophy, as the desire to ‘know more’ was merely self interest, and that my knowledge became my own cross to bear of which I now take Self-Responsibility for, because I am realizing the simplicity of who I really am here as the physical body that breathes and is able to exist without experiences.

 

I commit myself to share my process with anyone that is currently ‘in the journey’ to enlightenment or any other form of spiritual endeavor, to share with them how I have realized the mindfuck that it all was while abusing the physical body, the physical reality and neglecting the actual problems on Earth while seeking my personal satisfaction fueled by chemicals, thoughts and experiences that only made ‘one’ special, while disregarding the rest of the world as equally HERE as ourselves.

 

I commit myself to establish myself as the physical body to ensure that I am no longer bound to the memories of that which I perceived as blissful as all the experiences induced by chemical reactions that I equated to ‘god’ and ‘enlightenment,’ which would have been rather addictive if I had not stopped right away – thanks to Desteni because that’s the only way I realized what I was in fact doing to myself.

 

I commit myself to expose the fact that no knowledge, no special gnostic information,  no alchemic process will create LIFE as Life is already HERE as each one of us, wherein all that we have done is veiled it through further knowledge and information, instead of realizing it as who we are, here as our very physical body that is not bound to the mind’s processes to exist.

 

I commit myself to expose the desire for enlightenment as self interest as that continual desire to be ‘more than’ who we already are here as physical beings.

 

I commit myself to continue walking my process of writing, applying Self Forgiveness and Self-Corrective Application to ensure that all knowledge that I had used to define life is purified and equalized as Self, wherein there is no trace of greatness or ‘grandeur’ existent within and as myself, but actually walk the process to let go of this energetic fascinations that I had been so keen toward.

 

I commit myself to reveal how no enlightenment or spiritual endeavor creates an actual physical change in the world that is visible to ALL or creating any form of best for all outcome, but is merely self interest linked to money as that state of ‘happiness’ and ‘bliss’ that can only be obtained as an experience whenever your stomach has enough food, your body is properly hydrated and your environment is safe and secure from ‘the evil’ in this world that is created ever moment that positivity is sought and pursued in this world.

 

We Must Stop.

 

Desteni

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2012 The Living ‘I’ Organism = 1+1

The need to redefine and reform society stems from our current experience within this world-system being sunk in a seemingly unstoppable downward spiral, wherein the unification of man attempted throughout time, has always been tainted by the nature of our own mindfulness which stood on the way to create an actual best for all outcome within the consideration of the whole as one and equal.

 

Society is created by each individual – we are the system – and by creating an actual sense of neighborism and compassion, within the understanding that we function as an organism wherein all parts are equally regarded for its proper functionalism, we can direct ourselves to then establish the necessary understanding through education about the power that each individual holds to create an overall reform within the current system.  This is then to the best interest of all as our current global crisis in all aspects of reality – individual and social – are revealing the institutions that govern the world are simply outdated. And no, the reform and re-direction required won’t come from your current political parties, social enterprises. This solution entails much more than being able to vote for blue or red or green or red – this system must be transformed at an individual level.

 

We live in violent times wherein the wounds from the past don’t seem to heal, but only get worse as we start realizing and discovering about the lies that we have lived as the current seemingly ‘stability’ that has been pending from one single thread, backed up by and within the delusional monetary system that is ruling over everyone, regardless. We require to heal ourselves first to heal the world, and there is no shaman required to do this: each one of us can do this for ourselves.

 

After we’ve lived  allowed ourselves to fuel our ‘lives’ with lies and abuse, thinking without ever considering the consequences, acting out of reaction, exerting our righteousness with no regard of the words we speak, it is shocking to say the least how we actually always knew what we were doing, but we simply didn’t stop ourselves from taking a moment to breathe and re-consider what words we are about to utter and our starting point for it.

 

We are all aware of these fleeting moments wherein we attempt to ‘have a good time’ yet in the back of our head there’s only dissatisfaction with self and the world, and no matter how much we attempt to show the world a smiley face, it’s just not congruent to the experience within.

 

So far, the only way that I have been able to heal myself – slowly but surely – is through Self Forgiveness. The moment we realize that we have a second chance and actually understand what this entails, you take a stand, I vowed myself to live because I saw there was nothing further down the bottom line. The point that is always feared is risking it all for something that you cannot be certain of, because life is not knowledge, life cannot be proven or shown ‘on paper’ –  not even with  words: they must be Lived.

 

My interpretation of the eye of the needle is having to let go of everything we have ever been till this day and be willing to walk myself as the ‘I’ that will finally remove de dot on top of the i  and place it ! to see everything from a different perspective. Willing to apparently ‘give up’ this idea  of ourselves, which is giving  death to the old for the new to emerge. This didn’t seem like a ‘nice idea’ in the beginning where fears to ‘lose myself’ were still prominent. Yet once I understood how we can only fear losing that which has not been real anyways, it’s been a point that makes me glad, because I realized that I no longer have to be bound to all of these ideas and judgments and tight-restrictions to ‘who I am’ because as an individual and as this entire world-system.  How can we be so afraid to let go of that which is mostly holding us down? We’ve definitely developed a masochistic relationship with our minds wherein the idea of suffering, pain, misery become ‘enjoyable’ experiences in some twisted way – still experiences, mind generated that requires to be constantly reinforced just as we require money to keep living.

 

These energetic systems are able to be reformed if we all consider the potential each one of us holds as an active participant within this world. After all, isn’t this the solution that we all sought for? Being able to be supported to live, develop self-trust and compassion for another wherein true-relationships of self-understanding can emerge – imagine no more counterfeit, blackmailing and having to cheat in order to make a living. The ties that keep the system in place are currently existent within each one of us. There is a way out, a revolutionary way that is often feared, simply because of how unorthodox is may seem. Yet our ‘rights’ have been ‘wronged’ all the way – so, what is there to actually fear?

Nothing.

 

 

If we fear losing the idea of ourselves, what do we know? Have a look at what kept us ‘away’ from such ideas – we dubbed them as ‘dreams’ and ‘utopia’ because that’s exactly what we were Taught to Think-like in this current world system. That’s why all our information industry is based on diverting our attention from actually considering that: we are all suffering, we are all living in survival mode – so why on Earth do we continue like this? Who has been in ‘control’ of it all always?

 

The truth is that the potential won’t be ‘unleashed’ unless we direct ourselves to do so. Just ponder how it is that we have really limited and diminished ourselves to not recognize that we can in fact expand and develop ourselves beyond the limitations of our own mind. The fact that we accepted and allowed such points of distraction to obfuscate our basic ability to analyze our situation, to not ponder ‘why we are stuck in this black-hole’ is already an indication of the obvious acceptance to our own self-imposed limitations – not to mention that over 90% of the world is in some form of drug-  if not everyone because even thinking becomes an energetic fix to divert our attention from our physical beingness here-as-breath.

 

To get to this point, we all had to first try out the seemingly ever tempting ‘fruits of the tree’ and then letting go of it – it is within realizing that we have developed such an obsessive-manner of living that we become fixated on ‘one single point’ and forget about the rest of reality that is HERE, probably pondering where and how on Earth we have gotten to reduce ourselves to a single experience? That should be physical abuse as well, yet we haven’t dared to call it for what it is because we are always preferring to externalize our self-responsibility to ‘others’ in our world.

 

“Between birth and death, human beings have collective work to do on Earth”
Joseph Beuys

 

We are able to stop lying to ourselves by our own volition to do so. We walk the individual process beginning with ‘cutting of all ties’ within a process of Self-Support to ensure that we do not only just stop participation in our lives, but we actually walk a process of assessing which aspects are required to be re-defined, corrected and aligned to the principle that we establish as the law of our being: Equality as Life.

 

Through applying Self-Forgiveness  we give ourselves a second chance to live. We realize that we don’t have to go carrying our past, our guilt, deeds, quirks secrets and this entire world system of abuse, violence and corruption as an ever-present hunting shadow that becomes the default experience within ourselves. We can de-fault ourselves by forgiving ourselves and start over again. What a better ‘gift’ you can give you to yourself than for-giving our negligence toward ourselves and all living participants within the world– What is it that I give to myself?

 

  • The opportunity to live and be self-directive beings for the first time in our existence.

  • The ability to develop our expression and creativity to the utmost potential

  • The  decision  to stand equal to everything and everyone in this reality that I had absolutely neglected as an equal in the past

  • The opportunity to ‘clean my wounds’ that are here as the accumulation of everyone that has gone before me

  • The recognition and realization that everything that I ever sought for has always been Here as myself

  • The capability to participate in the creation of a world system wherein each individual is equally participant and aware of the benefits that working as an actual collective brings.

  • The ability to stop living in survival mode and spend our time developing our expression wherein we will no longer be bound to the constrictions that we are currently calling ‘a living.’
    .

And a long list ensues when looking at the social-implications of it as a collective.

 

You might now realize who this is in fact the most revolutionary message we have gotten in our society, taken to a global level thanks to the e-social networks that we have now  to establish communication with people around the world, which means that the national-identification is, slowly but surely, breaking off in order to establish the basic foundation of what living by-principle actually implies.

 

Of course all of this requires our commitment to do this for ourselves, as ourselves as the whole. We must get out of our own limitations and fears that only tamper our ability to see the actual potential that each one of us holds in every single breath that we are here, committing egocide in the name of Life.

 

And for that, I give myself the only ‘reason’ to live which is self-here- equal and one, I allow myself to see beyond the current limitations of the mind to realize and take into consider-action that I hold the power of change in every breath that I am here. I realize that the definition of society begins with my self equality and oneness to then, understand society as the extension of self as individuals that stand in an equal-participation and understanding of how we function as an organism wherein no parts can be ‘greater than’ as that would mean cancer in the organism/ body, nor can anyone be ‘less than’ as that would also cause disease.

 

Only in self-equality can we get to realize what thriving actually is as a whole in this world. First step is Self-  then, we take over the world – and for that we require to stand up one by one – if you hear and see the importance of the following, join Desteni

 

“Ponder the I
in consciousness called the I AM
this is the I of the needle
as Earth is the EYE of the universe
the creator is the I of the Beholder
eye of the beholder
that is how I create in consciousness — and all I create as consciousness always return to dust
this I — yet to be born by “self” is quite something –as in a way the being stands as pure I — no programming as starting point –yet is all that is consciousness — obviously — what is not consciousness — is to the perceiver/interpreter/mind/I am/being — nothing — as the being is only what the EYE/mindseye see
the closest to what is real — is what the eye see– judgment comes from the secret I — the secret mind — that is who the being really is–and is what is to be given up –forever –with absolute certainty — no doubt ever — to be able to see with the I that is LIFE– because then LIFE see direct as I – I direct — no proof possible — because the Mindseye that wants proof — is temporary — and thus has no value what so ever”

Bernard Poolman 

 

 

“[Joseph] Beuys argued that the key to survival was in the collective transformation of the “social organism.” For him, communication between the domains of the spiritual and the earthly were primary to cultural regeneration.”

Desteni is the bridge between both realms.

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