Tag Archives: anger management

230. Opposing My Roots

Elitist Character: Mental Disorders Hide us From Self Responsibility– Opposing My Roots: It’s my family’s fault! Character – Writing.

Continuing with:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

 

If I look back at where did I get these emotional imprints from, it’s quite obvious that they stem from our parents and immediate family which is the environment where we shaped ourselves from the very first 7 years of our life, determining ‘who we would be’ for the rest of our lifetime. We are currently aware that no couple of parents are absolutely aware of all the intricacies and considerations that must be regarded when it comes to preparing themselves to have a child and then to also Know How to Educate a Child in order to ensure that this absolutely important process of bringing another life into this world is considered as the most important task any human being can embark themselves on in this life.

I got a very cool reality-check when listening to the Horse Interviews

Birthing a new Life through the Eyes of a Horse

wherein I realized to what extent we don’t honor each other and the totality of what is here as ourselves, I can say it with words how it was a cold-shock to realize how we are seen by animals as the example of How NOT to do/ be/ become or bring “life” on Earth, and instead how we should learn from them. Hearing the entire explanation certainly made me reconsider everything I had secretly loathed – well, most like openly loathed – about bringing children into this world and essentially, giving birth to new beings.

 

In terms of the development of our emotions and feelings, it’s common to always try and ‘make the baby happy’ and imprinting the reward system with concealments like giving milk to the child so that he can ‘shut up’ – I know I would do that and get it right every time. I learned how to get people’s attention through throwing a tantrum until I was old enough to realize that I was not going to get anywhere if I would continue, and so I stopped. But there were aspects that were ‘normal’ at home with which I grew up with and never investigated why they were so ingrained. I blamed my own ‘apprehension’ at school or the pressure I would have from peers or anything else, but as far as I remember I was quite angry as a child, always desperate, nervous, fearful, irritable and easily annoyed.

 

Throughout this process I’ve worked with aligning and correcting the patterns to get myself to a point of stability wherein I am certainly more ‘Here’ than creating this constant nervousness or apprehension/ worry/ stress that would lead to anxiety.

 

I can see, however, that I had definitive influences from parental figures in terms of adopting ways to deal with situations like: being impatient, angry, yelling out when things would not work, and get even more irritated when someone tried to ‘calm me down’ as I’ve explained in some previous blogs. This single acceptance of me as an ‘angry person’ and a general irateness became part of ‘who I am’ in such a way that it became unnoticeable to me, I truly believed that one had to just go up in flames every time something was not done the right way/my way, or that I could place order and control through exerting anger upon others = instilling fear within them so that I could have a sense of security and confidence over others. This included intimidating my own parents later on and as I’ve explained, I have memories of being 3 years old and already becoming seriously angry-possessed. I of course don’t blame my parents because I am aware of how I simply acquired this way of being, adopted it as ‘who I am’ and became it without a question, I learned how to ‘make others feel bad’ for myself and the moment I would see they would go into this ‘helplessness’ with/ toward me when being in such irate states, I would put even more effort within my own anger-possessions, which is where the entire point of ‘you are crazy’ came up and developed this entire spitefulness mode within me toward… well virtually anything or anyone that would be ‘against’ my way of being/ looking at things or trying to ‘impose’ me anything- yes, authority issues if you call it that.

 

I am aware that my mother would speak with me about these situations, but I just didn’t want to hear because the energy experience was more overwhelming than any form of common sense, and I would only shut up when I was too tired/ drained from throwing tantrums. Now, these points were not that often but, when I would get angry, it was quite hectic.

 

I also remember looking at other kids in the supermarket, crying and throwing a tantrum toward their parents so that the parents would buy them toys, and I would feel as if I was ‘over that,’ already comparing myself to others and basing the ‘who I am’ in relation to other kids, but I would do the same, probably not about getting  a toy or something like that, sometimes I would throw a tantrum just to not have to go and play with other kids. Hence the whole thing of ‘you are not normal!’ (Read:  111. ‘Why aren’t you normal?‘)

and yes, if you hear the Short Fuse Temper interview, you’ll get my life presented in an interview – with some differences but essentially the mechanism is there Life Review – Short Fused Temper Tantrums « EQAFE

 

Now, the memory that comes to mind is my mother calling my father several names indicating he had some type of anger management problems.  Of course I didn’t know what a mental disorder was nor what the words Actually meant, but just hearing her calling him that became an imprint that I was absolutely unaware of I had picked it up at some quantum level, and the words I remember her saying were ‘neurotic’ and ‘hysteric.’ This is an indication of how we actually speak without any form of awareness of how these emotional outbursts could be elevated to a range of ‘mental disorder’ in a soft-blow manner. It’s been actually absolutely cool to walk a mind construct in relation to my father which I partially shared in this blog, and got to know a lot about myself from that, even shared with him about my anger issues discoveries and solutions.

 

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But, going back to the words  I would hear as neurotic, hysteric and others  indicated that there was a problem. I got to be quite aware of diseases from an early age as well as having a grand mother that was sick thought my entire lifetime for various reasons of her tormented life – which I have realized I kind of picked up in relation to this ‘depression’ and self-belittlement as well as the way she lead her life of isolation but at the same time existing in this cry-out for help. Lol, she irritated me a lot, I would irritate her just because I could. I have this memory of going to her house and just being ‘in the mood’ of irritating her and so, she was quite a ‘mess’ in her room and she would always have this entire box with medicines in it, she was always on medication – of which I remember also making fun of  all the meds she’d take as well – and I saw that it all was quite messy and what I did was: grabbed the box and ordered all her pills and medicine containers in what was a ‘perfect manner’ according to me. I wanted to ‘do good’ but at the same time I knew it would somehow piss her off, so, it did. She got quite pissed off and Marlen went into the mode of ‘I will never do anything good for her ever again!’ and so our relationship went on within that vein.

 

I always tried to ‘play funny’ with her because she was always in this irritable state. Hence my dislike for her was mostly a fear of becoming like her and I can see how till this day every time that I want things to get done As I Say, When I Say it is an indication of me playing out my grandmother and as such my mother and somehow my father as well. She was the type of person that played strong to raise her children while my grand father had several other children with other wives, so the entire victimization character and helplessness was coming form there as well as many other points like how to get people’s attention through being sick/ causing conflict in order to have power over others and so forth.

We developed this half-joking way of pissing each other off when we would meet. She would laugh and I would laugh but I can only have some few memories of us having any real conversations, which would mostly be about her memories/ her life/ getting to know her a bit, and that’s the end of our relationship. She died when I wasn’t in this country. I never bothered to go see her grave or anything like that and I see that when I bring her up there’s still some scorn toward her for whatever reasons I have secretly blamed her for, such as causing much distress in my mother, which I then saw as the reason why my other would be possessed and then take it out on us in one way or another. All these constant worrying, being infatuated with things, obsessed, hypochondriac, fearful became aspects that I have played out as well and can identify I would judge of her all the time.

 

Obviously, this is nothing personal since we are all aware we have become our minds through acceptance and allowance and that my point of responsibility is ensure I hold no grudge, idea or belief of ‘them’ doing something ‘onto me,’ but more like Me realizing, seeing and understanding how I accepted and allowed myself to imprint, copy and transfer their personas into myself and play it out, believing this was ‘who I was.’ This became also every clear when I developed an antagonism toward her or any other family member: they are able to show me where I have separated myself from ‘my roots’ through playing the opposite but, in the end, never taken responsibility for it.

 

Another point is that I never went to a psychologist except for one time when I ‘asked for help for my friend’ with my high school’s psychologist and all I can take from her is one vital point. She said ‘who is here asking for help: You or Him?’ – and so it burned my ego out for a moment to realize that I was in fact needing help, but I had refused to do so because of fearing having some form of actual problem, I feared obviously having to be seriously taken as mentally disturbed or having some problem. I don’t know how much I fooled myself within this but, to my eyes even at that time, we all were playing phony characters while inside, when being alone, we all felt equally sad, disgraceful, powerless, ugly, hating ourselves for whatever reason but everyone would just play dumb and happy to create a masquerade, and as much as I would be aware of this, I played along as well pretty much out of fear of having to open myself up to anyone about my experience. That’s one of the reasons I begun writing a lot but, without any form of common sense and actual self support, I would only go round in circles pouring out my emotions and feelings in several notebooks without reaching any form of change, because I was STILL believing myself to be IT.

 

This is how due to the extent that I would hear about people going on medications and having ‘mental disorders’ I simply feared getting that but at the same time made it my personal way of being wherein I would entertain myself with these ‘outrageous thoughts’ and way of looking at life which was also a mechanism to cope with everything that I had deemed as frightening to get to. Which includes fearing eventually going senile and insane and all of the illnesses that would indicate some form of mental disorder. I guess we all have that for that matter when thinking about old age and deterioration of our sanity. So, what’s the way to make peace with it? Turn the fear into a fascination, turn the fear into something  you can have some ‘control over’ apparently – hence my story. I never took a single pill for any form of mental disorder since that was absolutely seen as taking regular drugs by my family. But I never reached out for any form of support to understand my experiences other than equally ‘lost’ friends with whom I created bonds that lead me to only upgrade my self-beliefs. This was so until I got to Desteni.

 

So, this proves how also due to knowledge and information and fear of having to be labeled as depressed or having some form of chronic anxiety (read your Wikipedia it’s the new way of calling ‘neurosis’  “Instead, the disorders once classified as neuroses are now considered anxiety disorders”)

 

I am here walking this process to take responsibility for All the knowledge and information that I imprinted as ‘who I am’ based on environmental/ familial/ peer influence of which we are all affected by even if we ‘like it or not.’ This is one of the reasons why it must be understood that: unless we care for each other as equals and ensure a general Well Being and ‘Mental Health’  in society,  our current social-insanity will still seep through our educational systems, our entire system configuration that is based on a constant process of instilling FEAR instead of ways and support to Live. Hence it is virtually impossible for any person to be absolutely ‘sane’ and ‘normal’ in this  world wherein the very mechanism of how the mind worked was not at all in accordance to living life, but exists as the very Evil / Reverse of Life that we all accepted and allowed ourselves to become. And obviously to make a business out of it is a double mindfuck to say the least.

 

Long story, but will work with it bit by bit as quite a ‘few’ points came up today. How did I get to this? Word in the dictionary: kinsfolk – and so, got to see the points I had deliberately side viewed from my past until now.

 

Within this all we can see how we made a ‘big deal’ out of these emotional experiences in our mind, self created at all times. Equated them to points I had to try and ‘sort out myself’ without knowing I was reinforcing them, instead of ever realizing it was me and my mind participation that can be self corrected. We’ve essentially made a disease of a relationship that was already in no way ‘harmonious’ such as what the mind represents in relationship to the physical body.

And all of this is certainly something to take Self Responsibility for.

— This will continue  with Self Forgiveness and Self Corrective Application on the afore mentioned points

 

 

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DeBA(I)Ting Life (Part 2): DAY 230

Day 230: The White Light and the Legion of Angels – ADC – Part 77

 

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191. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination– Self Correction

 

Consequences within the Procrastination Character – Self Corrective Statements and Commitments

This is  a continuation to: 189. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination – Self Forgiveness from the day October 21, 2012

When and as I see myself experiencing anger and irritation toward my own neglect and deliberate brushing off of responsibilities that I’ve committed myself to do – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I don’t require to add a layer of emotional turmoil to that which is required to be done and given direction to in physical reality.

I commit myself to stop participating in anger and this is a process – yes – as I see and realize that the anger that I have exerted toward something/ someone outside of myself are stemming from me only and that it is Never about others. (Listen to the Quantum Mind series Quantum Mind Self Awareness – STEP 22+23)

Thus I realize that anything could trigger this experience within me as it is in fact only me being angry at myself for not having corrected/ given direction to points within my world and reality wherein any point can become a trigger point to exert my own creation toward my own actions/ inactions.

 

When and as I see myself creating a rush about things, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I cannot move faster than the physical space time and within that, it is pointless to create a rush within me to direct/ move/ sort out things which is actually an energetic input stemming as a direct consequence to my own parsimony toward the time required for the task that I have neglected.

 

When and as I see myself recriminating myself for not having done something over time, I stop and I breathe – I realize that creating an experience of anger and irritation about the time spent having remain ‘stuck’ within one point, is further mind possession that requires a physical direction in the moment, which I suggest is writing it out in order to see how I can practically stop the emotional turmoil and give myself proper direction which implies, breathing, stabilizing  myself and then continuing with the task that must be done.

I commit myself to work closely with my emotional reactions to ensure that I am not  using Self Forgiveness as a way to exert the emotions without giving it immediate self direction, as that would obviously nullify the point of Self Forgiveness.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out/ exert my anger toward the world because of my own procrastination and unresolved points that I Know I have to direct, I stop and I breathe. I realize that within exerting my own unresolved points toward others is abdicating my responsibility and further victimization wherein I see that this is a pattern that I also learned from what I saw at home and developed myself which just emerged here as I write – so through self forgiveness first:

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to within being angry and irritated for things not going ‘my way’ exert such anger toward others so that others in that moment could also be aware of my anger and even wanting to deliberately affect them with my anger so that I am actually creating a point of power over others through making them react in fear toward my anger/ become angry themselves, wherein the experience is then only fueled without any correction but simply wanting to deliberately make others angry/ experience the same I was experiencing, which reveals to what extent when there is no self-awareness of what we are in fact accepting and allowing to exist within us, we lash out our experience toward others without caring how it is affecting others – within this

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to never consider how my own anger affects others and how I am in fact responsible not only for myself, but for the experience that I instigate deliberately in a seemingly non-conscious manner toward others, without realizing that it is obviously done with the intention of others ‘feeling my anger’ in order for me to then justify my experience and within this, through anger, getting myself back to a positive experience when saying ‘I had a reason to be angry’ which is not acceptable in any way.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to deliberately lash out my anger toward others in order to have an effect on them and within this, have a form of power and control through them reacting in fear – I obviously stop and I breathe – I realize that others noticing that I am angry will in fact only fuel my own anger and irritation which is something that I have to sort out/ deal with/ correct within myself only – and that wanting others to be directly affected by my experience is in fact abdicating my responsibility to the points that I have to work with myself.

Thus I realize that anger in itself is another form of self manipulation to try and have others commiserating to my own negligence and in this case, procrastination, instead of realizing that every consequence must be faced here, directly in stability and within this understanding that me exerting anger is only perpetuating the cycles of self-abuse and indirectly seeking to involve others within my experience, which is plain evil.

I commit myself to stop my impulse to exert anger toward others in order for them to be aware that ‘there’s something going on with me’ which is plain manipulation in order to be able to involve others in my own experience, which is not acceptable as this is my process, my responsibility and within this, I cannot allow myself to perpetuate and externalize that which I have created for myself and through myself only.

This is how I can practically ensure that I stop creating division and wars in our world as I see that the moment that we externalize any point of friction with a deliberate desire to have others participate in it my experience, is another form of validating the experience in itself, which is not acceptable at all.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to rush things now because of having procrastinated them for a while, I stop and I breathe – I realize that now rushing to ‘get it done’ is not a self-honest way of living and it’s not what I would want myself to be and become only to ‘get the task/project done’ in a middle/ half-assed way – thus I ensure that I make the necessary arrangements in my world and reality to walk this point till its completion as it is my responsibility and point to direct/ solve/ sort out within the absolute understanding that creating further experiences about it is useless to create a solution, therefore only a waste of time.

 

I commit myself to understand that those projects/ tasks that I commit myself to walk, are part of that which I have decided to do as an extension/ expression of ourselves. This implies that getting things done just to ‘get by’ is only a dishonest expression of myself that I would certainly not want myself to express as, nor others for that matter.  This is to realize that the commitment to walk a point of responsibility implies the realization that I am here to correct the patterns that I lived thus far that are not self-supportive and within this, my deeds/ words are the direct physical and tangible proof of any form of self correction I am committing myself to. Thus I take equal responsibility for what I have committed myself to do and that are all equally part of the responsibilities that I have taken on in my life.

 

When and as I see myself equating life to ‘getting things done’ as only being a production machine, qualifying my life according to tasks to get done in order to define ‘who I am’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that tasks, projects and points that I have decided to do and take responsibility for are points that I have agreed to do as part of my own living-experience within the world system and within my own process  – within this, it is to realize that committing myself to do something is actually designating the necessary time to do it, as I realize that not doing so, creates consequences for myself and everyone else involved .

 

Within this – I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not consider how my own actions/ inactions would also affect others wherein even if I knew that I had to do it, I simply didn’t do it. So this is part of me having to realize how every point of procrastination can be linked to individual moments of deciding to do ‘something else/ something that made me feel good about myself’ instead of doing what I was requiring to do.

When and as I see myself only considering me and my own consequences when not doing something deliberately – I stop and I breathe – I realize that the responsibility that I’ve taken on is not only toward myself but anyone else involved. Thus, I take responsibility for myself, my actions/ inactions and the consequential outflow they create toward others and reality as a whole.

 

When and as I see myself creating an experience upon getting more responsibilities, I stop and I breathe –I realize that getting any sort of anxiety or stress about it does not solve the point, will not allow me to work ‘better’ through it. It is a single physical point wherein I can instead focus on considering the task to bet done, assess it throughout some time to see how I can fit in all that must be done within my schedule and according to testing it out for some time, assess whether I am capable of doing it nor not. This is to then not further compromise myself with projects/ tasks to be done without having an actual living-physical decision to actually do it. Within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to face the consequence of not getting things done based on taking on other responsibilities and deliberately knowing that I was neglecting this other task that I must get done no matter what, eventually ending up procrastinating due to my desire to be able to ‘keep up’ with everything  and have time for it all, without realizing that in this I am only doing so as a point of compromise which is based on not wanting to let others down about my participation in things, which is something that I have to consider without the image/ role point that I have created of myself, and instead for this moment until I get this major task done, to consider how it is necessary for me to focus on my reality responsibilities before continuing developing any other points.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to take further points/ responsibilities without considering the ones that I am deliberately ignoring and leaving behind, yet knowing that I have to do them anyways – I stop and I breathe – I have to make a very cold decision in every moment that I agree to participate in something, as I realize that each decision implies a responsibility and a consequences and that I would not want for myself/ nor others to take several points and eventually not dedicating myself to them in every moment, but being rushing to do it, which is not cool at all.

I commit myself to assess in a very conscious manner the decisions I make in order to taken on projects, responsibilities and tasks when I have one single point that is being procrastinated/ not done and requires immediate attention.

I commit myself to ‘remind’ me of the consequential outflow of having procrastinated something wherein one does not know how such procrastination will create an eventual consequence wherein that one single ‘lagging point’ determines our reality and our very own internal stance toward ourselves and everything that we participate in.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to blame others for my own experience, I stop and I breathe –I realize that I must stop at all times exerting my experience toward others as I am the only one that must work with anger and irritation toward myself. Thus

I commit myself to stop reacting and blaming others for my own experience, being it music in the outside or people making noises – I realize that when I am here as breath, these points are not able to affect who I am. Thus every moment from here on when I see myself making a big deal out of an external aspect apparently ‘tampering’ my ability to direct myself effectively, I stop and I breathe – and I instead investigate how I have created this irritation and annoyance based on my own actions/ inactions within my world and reality according to tasks/ points that must be done and my physical direction to them.

 

I commit myself to stop becoming a demon in itself when it comes to being angry and irritated within myself toward myself due to what I have done/ not done as myself and exerting it upon others, as I see and realize that my starting point of doing so is that of wanting to get a positive experience for having others react to my own emotional state, which is a rather evil way of getting myself to a positive state and justify the anger and experience because at the eyes of others is apparently ‘okay’ for me to be angry and frustrated, even though I realize that the moment that I see in their eyes a point of fear and powerlessness toward my own anger, I get myself back to a positive experience because at least I have made others equally angry/ unstable as I am.

 

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189. Anger and Irritation upon Procrastination

Consequences – Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger and irritation toward myself and ‘the world’ because of my own procrastination and within this, having ‘wasted’ the time that I had when I had it to do this properly and instead, having to now rush things to make them ‘work’  – however I see and realize that I must be very aware of not going into a rushing state wherein I end up doing things just to ‘get them done’ and forgetting about realizing that each thing that I commit myself to do  requires the exact same amount of self-awareness here as breath to do it, and within this, committing myself to not just ‘get things done’ and get the ‘obstacle’ out of the way – in this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to equate my life to ‘getting things done’ and seeing the tasks and points that require direction as simple ‘points’ that I have to simply ‘get done and over with it’ without realizing that in this attitude toward my tasks and projects, I am in fact missing out the entire point of the task/ project in itself, which is actually an opportunity for me to slow down, stop seeing life as this series of projects and assignments and instead support me to realize that each and every single task I commit myself to I can take on as long as I am here as breath directing myself in every moment and within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, within the consequential outflow of me now having more tasks to do and having ‘wasted the time’ before, I will have to simply be more strict with myself and my time frames, as I see and realize that if there is this ‘extra thing’ that I have been procrastinating to do, it must be done as soon as possible – and within this equate all things that I have to do appropriately.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into the fear of ‘oh fuck I’ll be stuck here for another half year’ without realizing that I am not stuck and I created this for myself – within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to realize that any point of pressure and rush is created by me and the relationship I created toward moving to another place and finishing school but at the same time not wanting to simply get the whole thing done with the final paper, which I see and realize that the sabotage is only toward myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience anger toward myself and within this go into a pessimistic attitude toward it because I will not apparently be able to move in another half year, without realizing that if any consequences have to be faced, I will simply have to face them as they are and as long as it takes because there is no other way within this when one is subject to processes that I have no control over other than doing my part which is getting this document done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get pissed off when things go out of what I have initially considered they would go through/ as,  which implies having created a time frame for some other particular task, without realizing that I should have actually done this one written document long time ago and that it is my responsibility to now ensure that I use every bit of time to get to everything that I have to do, instead of wasting my time getting pissed off and irritated at everything and everyone because of my own dead corpse of procrastination.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an energetic experience over procrastination as this further anxiety because ‘things are accumulating’ without realizing that I am the only one that is accumulating them as thoughts of what I have to do, instead of just doing it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to blame others for the decisions made and try and project my own anger and frustration toward me due to not having done the things that I had agreed to do a long time ago.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated because of having had music again the whole fucking day yesterday, wherein I go into a powerless mode because of not being able to go and shut people up so that I can have my peace and quietness to be able to write.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to waste another day and not write because of considering that the music/ noise from neighbors is absolutely irritating and impossible to write when having that constant sound.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even get irritated at someone arriving home earlier today and within this fearing that the noise will come through the interview and believe that ‘they should not fucking be here’ which is plain control-freak that wants peace and silence in order to please me and my ideals of having a quiet weekend.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to wake up with a bad mood today because of things not going as I expected and within this, get irritated at everything, and everyone without considering that I am only acting out and lashing out my own energetic experience of anger and frustration for the accumulated procrastination toward points in my reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get irritated because of things not being done according to how they were planned and agreed to be done, within this becoming inflexible and irritated because ‘things are not going the way that we decided and agreed to do them,’ without realizing that I am simply using this as an excuse to lash out and project my own irritation because of not having planed my life with my reality-responsibilities in order to be prepared and have everything done by now to then be absolutely ready and steadfast for anything that is required to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to deliberately neglect the consequences that I would have to face in real-time reality based on my procrastination to not get this particular scholar task done and within this, having to postpone everything else that I wanted to do for undefined time in order for me to ensure that I can in fact leave with having everything sorted out.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to sabotage myself and my own departure based on my own procrastination due to me wanting to leave but at the same time creating deliberate obstacles in my reality that make it impossible for me to leave, even thought everything else is ready and the one that I am only waiting for is myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated at my own deliberate self-sabotage because ‘I knew what I was doing all the way’ and I didn’t stop, which places into perspective the actual Evil that we are and do to ourselves in order to make our lives more complicated simply because of accepting and allowing dishonesty from our side.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to miss breathing the moment that I simply get knowledge and information as having to ‘rush’ something without considering that any ‘rush’ can only exist as an energetic starting point to do things, which obviously always will carry out a consequences – thus

When and as I see myself rushing to do something and wanting to get it done as fast as possible – I stop and I breathe until I see that I am in fact being here stable and the movement within my physical body is not that of an anxious movement and strain, but is in fact a self-movement here as breath. Within this, realizing that I can only direct one point at a time and that I require to establish a routine that makes it practical and physically possible for me to do every single point every single day – and within this, also not accepting and allowing further manipulation to want to stop doing something to do that other thing, based on preferences or specific values given to one or another task, as I see and realize that that which will become part of my daily schedule, is all equally relevant and important.

 

Within this, I see and realize that the rush that I experienced this morning was because of having an unexpected notice and within this, having my little plans ruined because of believing that I would ‘still have time’ to work on this written project that I have been procrastinating, without realizing that such project should have been done by now and that the only way I will get this done is through simply doing it and stop whining about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to make of this task this ‘huge’ obstacle in my reality based on and directly proportional to the amount of time I didn’t direct it

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not realize that the consequences are for myself yes, but also toward everything and all – and that this is actually depending on me and how I am able to stop the energetic experience toward my own procrastination and simply focus on what is required to be done.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an experience toward things going ‘out of plan’ without realizing that If I had in fact lived my life according to doing things in the time that I had also ‘planned’ to do, I would not be existing in such an energetic rush and anxiety because this is only the consequential outflow of my own procrastination and deliberate postponement to do things – the consequence is thus me having to simply do all things required without making an experience about it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thinking ‘I don’t want to see anyone today’ wherein I am simply wanting to lash out onto people in my reality what I am experiencing within me due to having to face the consequences of what I’ve done, which is unacceptable since that is how I have criticized people as well, when they behave in absolute anger and irritation to people without the other people they are communicating with having anything to do with the person’s mood and personal frustration/ anger/ irritation thus

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out and be irritated at people in my environment as a way to show and reveal that ‘I am pissed off at myself’ I stop  and I breathe – I realize that this is actually rather foolish and stupid to do since who we are is already the accumulated and manifested consequence of having wasted our lives and time in entertainment and the feel good experiences of the mind which are now here to be faced as the time that I could have used to work on my task/project/ document, instead of now existing as an energetic experience of anger toward ‘the world’ as a way for me to blame and exert my reactions instead of taking responsibility for them, which is unacceptable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to even get irritated by the presence of someone at home when it is supposed to be ‘all quiet and empty’ in order to satisfy my desires to have no noise around me, which has become a rather constant point of desire that I will surely have to get to, because it’s being also the source of anger and irritation because of people constantly playing music in the house or in the neighborhood, which makes it impossible for me to record interviews, but at the same time, I see that it is a point of me wanting to control my environment instead of realizing that I have no possibility of doing that, and that if I want absolute silence I then have to wake up in the middle of the night to have a relative silence around.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be irritated at someone cleaning in the house which reveals the absolute nonsensical way of existing as the mind, since I would get pissed off if people do not clean and now I get pissed off because someone is cleaning and ‘making too much noise’ – within this I realize to what extent one can utilize anything, virtually ‘anything’ outside of oneself to blame and project anger toward without a cause but our own self-created experience of anger and irritation that is only existent within ourselves.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I am becoming my father when it comes to being constantly irritated and angry when things are not working ‘my way’ and be an absolute ‘sweet and loving person’ when things are going my way, which reveals the absolute disparity that I am allowing within myself based on the external environment and how it suits my preferences and desires/needs, instead of seeing and realizing how I have to take responsibility for myself and what I have created within me also as these energetic experiences of anger and irritation according to wanting to control my world and having things always working ‘my way’ and within my desired ‘time frame,’ without realizing that I have already imposed too much of myself as self interest toward my day to day living.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use another person as a reflection of myself to justify the anger and irritation as something ‘genetic’ without realizing that I also learned from looking at my father how he would go into anger and frustration and further retaliation toward others whenever things would not go his way, within this

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to experience frustration as that surge of energy that I am just waiting to lash out on others, so that others can be aware of me being angry and somehow seek some misery-is-company type of words and attitude as a confirmation to me being ‘right’ in getting angry

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to neglect my physical body throughout all of this and that I have not been diligent enough with myself in order to be breathing and Here as I direct points and situations, and that missing out on breath and missing out time and space that I could have used to work on my project is simply no longer here and that the only point I can do is giving it direction along with any other commitment  I have agreed upon doing. 

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to get very sleepy as I write this and want to just shut down and go to sleep, without realizing that this is a defense mechanism in order for me to simply not continue realizing that this has been a key-aspect within my reality: how I have become this replica of what I would see my father do and that would actually bother me quite a bit, which is lashing out anger upon others and not taking self-responsibility for it. Thus

 

When and as I see myself wanting to lash out my anger toward others and not take responsibility for this single moment of preparing myself to ‘present’ myself in a particular way toward another being – I stop and I breathe  I realize that this is the moment wherein I have to ensure that I sort out and deal with my own reactions through self forgiveness and self corrective application as this is the only way wherein I ensure that I stop the abuse that I’ve imposed on myself as my reactions being passed onto others that certainly have nothing to do with it – and even if they did, I realize that I have to work on the point of not getting angry at them as an energetic experience, but simply point out something in common sense and at all times considering not only my own preferences and considerations, but what is best for all and within this, I realize that I cannot ‘know’ what’s best for all when I am existing in an energetic experience in my mind as within that I will only continue doing that which satisfies my energetic experience which  – as evil as it sounds – is wanting to intimidate and make other feel guilty for whatever reason, without realizing that this is certainly not the way to go, as I am only projecting onto others that which I am doing to myself /as myself.

I breathe – here and walk the points as required within Self Responsibility – I stop the blame and anger projected onto anything and anyone in my reality and assist and support myself instead to realize that there is only one solution to this all: just doing what is required to be done.

 

Self Corrective Statements and Self Commitments in the following post.

 

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148. Transcending Anger through Breathing – A Commitment.

Walking Self Forgiveness, Self Corrective Statements and Commitments from the previous post 147. Hissy Fit: Cleaning Demonic Possession

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to define ‘one of my greatest fears’ finding a house absolutely dirty after I leave for a while, which means that I actually allowed myself to exist as a predictable reaction to seeing ‘a very messy/ dirty house’ even though I ‘believed’ that I was ‘over with it,’ without realizing that the moment that I allowed a point of reaction in that very thought just prior to entering the house about ‘finding a mess,’ I was already preparing myself to react in anger If I did find such a mess – and I did thus

When and as I see myself actually fearing leaving the house for a while and within this fearing getting back because of finding a potential mess, I stop and I breathe – I realize that within allowing such fears as future projections, I am in fact giving permission for the event to take place as I am in fact the creator of everything and all that I experience – thus it is to see, realize and understand how I have defined ‘who I am’ as this fear of ‘finding a messy house’ wherein I realize I can only breathe, and Ensure that I do not participate in the anger that is predictable to emerge.

I see and realize that the anger must be transcended, which is something that I realize now, as I do agree that being angry is only throwing a tantrum toward myself alone, attempting to get any attention in a futile manner, as I was all alone when I got to see the mess – thus even if there was people, it is to realize that getting angry won’t change them, getting angry won’t actually create a point of awareness toward others about ‘them missing their responsibilities at home.’ This is about myself and my own participation in what I had feared to experience as myself which is anger.

I commit myself to walk the process of transcending/ breathing through any attempt to create anger as an experience upon seeing dirt/ a dirty house and within this, stopping any thoughts that point out toward a fear of finding a dirty house. Within this, it is to assist and support myself to ground myself as the moment to face whatever is here, and as such, immediately just direct myself to do what I did anyways which is cleaning – I realize I can do it without adding the extra layer of anger to make it more cheesy – lol.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘I cannot possibly live in a dirty house,’ as this is quite a justification for me to get angry because ‘THEY’ are Not considering that they live with ‘OTHERS’ which mostly imply myself as the primary person that gets ‘pissed off’ at dirtiness  – thus

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I cannot possibly live in a dirty house,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am thinking thoughts to justify a coming experience of anger toward others, instead of assisting and supporting myself to actually say No, I won’t participate in anger and the usual marlenesque reactions of actually exerting y anger onto the stuff around me which is absolutely unacceptable and a clear mind possession. Thus

I commit myself to STOP every time that I see myself thinking that ‘I cannot possibly live in a dirty house’ as I realize that this is the prelude to throwing a tantrum and as such, the primary ‘convincing self-talk’ in order to become possessed in anger for real. I realize It’s not necessary to get angry if the things are done and furthermore, thinking to myself is simply making myself the victim of the situation and as such righteous when it comes to reacting, which is in all cases, a mind experience that I see and realize I must walk through/ as breath to Deliberately stop it – and this is the commitment to walk as self.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an imagination point of my plans going ‘smoothly’ wherein I pictured myself getting back early at home and immediately ‘jumping’ to do all my tasks and stuff, but instead encountering a very dirty kitchen and as such upon deciding that it cannot remain one more second like that, I pushed my plans aside to dedicate hours to clean it up, which is what pissed me off within the belief that ‘Why would I have to disrupt my plans for this? Why do I have to clean up someone else’s mess?’ – and within this, only creating further justifications and excuses as to why I can simply be pissed off at ‘the world’ in that moment because My routine was broken and my plans as the future projection of my ‘perfect schedule’ was tampered with this eventuality,

When and as I see myself getting pissed off at some eventuality disrupting my future plans , I stop and I breathe – I realize that I live in a world wherein we can ‘plan’ the perfect schedule, however we are subject to eventualities and points that one cannot control – thus, I assist and support myself to simply breathe and decide in that moment to take the time to clean up if I see and realize it is absolutely necessary to do so, and support myself to breathe through it, ensuring that I am aware of what I am using to clean, what and how I am moving things around, considering that I cannot just exert my anger upon the stuff around me as they are clearly not to blame, and certainly I cannot blame either but simply bring the point to the responsible people’s awareness in order for them to be aware of what they did, and the responsibility we all hold within living together.

I commit myself to be flexible/ pliable in terms of my routine/ schedule and plans wherein I breathe through any eventuality that may push the plans back, as I see and realize that getting angry won’t solve the problem, getting angry won’t make someone do the job for me, and instead I support myself to remind me how detrimental to my physical body it is to get angry, wherein pain is a certain thing after getting angry.

I realize that any beliefs of being ‘over anger’ are certainly bogus, this is a process and as such, it will be walked in space and time and in such case I can instead see this event as a way to measure where I am within my process of facing anger as myself, and this time realizing that I must get to a point of being able to stop all participation in anger in a constant and consistent manner, as this is the only way that I can ensure I am really here in the physical.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the excuse ‘I am wasting time’ as a way to justify my anger for having to clean up/ use time to clean up something out of my schedule, without realizing that I haven’t actually been that ‘strict’ with myself and my schedule and that even if I was, once again, I am living in a world wherein there’s a thousand factors that have factored for us to be and become who and what we are now, which is placing into perspective my desire to ‘be in control of my environment, my time, my plans,’ as an actual point of ego, as within these thoughts there is no consideration of what is best for all, how can I assist and support myself to walk through actual events in reality that must be corrected – and instead, have focused only on ‘wasting time’ without realizing that this point was part of ‘my time’ to face anger as myself and as such see where and how I still react to it and what points require further consistency in application to eventually be able to stand in any given situation and not get angry at it, but simply use that driving force to give proper direction and self-support.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat: ‘I leave and everyone just stops giving a fuck about cleaning at all,’ wherein I am placing myself as the necessary ‘ogre’ to keep a relative order within the house, without realizing that I am in fact only reinforcing the idea of myself as the ‘order maker’ and as such, believing that ‘I’ and my absence is the only cause for such mess to exist, without realizing it is actually factoring and stemming from the habits of other beings, thus

When and as I see myself thinking that everything falls apart here when I’m not home, I stop and I breathe – I realize that it is not about me, it is not about blaming others but instead walking the practical solutions in the moment to later on be able to communicate the point within practical considerations instead of wanting to blame or even scold others for not doing their point of responsibility, as I see and realize that within believing that it is ‘their fault,’ I take a self-righteous position to not support them – thus it is to keep it simple.

I commit myself to stop making myself the ‘order maker’ and as such embodying that ‘authority’ as a character that certainly dislikes mess/ dirty environments, thus it is to simply let go of any reaction in the moment, breathe, assist and support myself to focus on the physical activities and that’s it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to expect others to do what I thought they would, without realizing that within this I am wanting them to be ‘changed’ after 2 years of living together, and them at all times ‘considering me,’ without realizing how I cannot claim any righteousness to be angry upon others, as I see that anger is that point of self interest and even more so when projected onto others. Thus

When and as I see myself creating anger upon a point of disappointment because of not having been able to find a clean house, I stop and I breathe – I assist and support myself to realize that within this I am still trying to control others and as such, I realize that I cannot possibly try and control my environment when I am not even fully aware of myself, my entire body that I am in fact abusing every moment that I participate in thoughts, emotions and feelings, all the beings that have to ‘endure’ my anger as I push/throw things around and yell as if doing all of that could make any difference to the actuality of the physical reality and events.

I commit myself to stop expecting people changing, stop expecting things to ‘get better’ as I see and realize this was the ‘hope’ that I held toward others and as such, meeting my maker when realizing and coming to see how things have not changed and as such, realizing that we won’t change from overnight or a couple of years as we have lived for several lifetimes within the same mind frame without ever actually changing who we are, thus I cannot expect others to change/ do what I ‘think/ assume’ they would – Instead, I assist and support myself to take responsibility for what goes on Within my own mind, what I decide to participate in or not and within this, walk my own process of self-change wherein I can in fact stop re-creating the ‘cleanliness’ character and anger upon ‘dirtiness’ as the positive and negative experience existent within and as me at a mind level.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘why can’t THEY take Responsibility for cleaning up after ALL THIS TIME’ wherein I was expecting them to ‘already know/ change/ act’ upon that which I thought was ‘very clear’ by now, without realizing that it will actually take time for ourselves and our world to change and actually align ourselves to be self responsible at all times. I also see and realize how I diverted my attention from ME to THEM/ THEY as a way to not see and realize that the point of focus and attention should be here as myself within and as breath to not react and justify the reaction with further thinking as self-interest to make myself the ‘victim’ of it all.

When and as I see myself diverting the point of responsibility of change toward others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment I am backchatting about ‘they’ is actually a flag point wherein I must immediately realize that I am talking myself into a righteous-anger mode, which won’t ever change the situation, it won’t change ‘them’ or myself, it is in fact an unnecessary and actually physically damaging experience to go through anger as a way to apparently make myself ‘righteous’ to get angry at the point of abuse. I realize that within this all that exists is me and my thoughts and a messy kitchen – thus, I realize that if I have taken the decision to clean up, I can do so while slowing myself down to breathe through it, realizing and understanding that getting angry does not change others or myself in that moment, it is only a plain tantrum thrown around whenever we would want things to ‘go our way,’ without considering the actual physical reality but only our wishes/ desires of How we want to see the world/ reality around us.

I commit myself to actually take responsibility for myself first as this is where I am responsible and this is where I can actually see where and how I am still reacting to a point that I am diverting my responsibility toward, wherein I see and realize that reacting in anger does not support life at all, and it is only the predictable counter act to ‘fall’ into participating in the mind – thus I stop and realize that to take Self Responsibility means self toward self as one’s own thoughts, reactions and backchat in order to Live.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘It is impossibly that at this stage they are STILL doing this even though they know it is unacceptable’ wherein I allow myself to think this in order to be righteous about my anger, without realizing how I ‘know’ and ‘they know’ only as this point of past experiences of similar events wherein further conflict ensued when not supporting/ collaborating to take responsibility properly for what we do/ don’t do in our reality. I realize that I cannot focus on wanting others to change but instead assist and support me to stop reacting to my own point of change which implies stopping at all the anger, transcending anger breath by breath within the realization that it is unacceptable to drain my physical body when getting angry .

When and as I see myself thinking about others STILL making the same mistakes/ repeating the same patterns and using this as fuel for the conflagration, I stop and I breathe – I realize that within these words I am victimizing myself in my mind and actually diverting my attention and responsibility outside of myself, judging others instead of taking the point back to self to see where I am STILL also repeating the same predictable patterns of ‘anger upon messiness/dirtiness’ and within that, assist and support me to first stop me here as breath to then realize the backchat as the mind possession that it represents.

I commit myself to live as the example of what it is to ‘know’ one’s mind and patterns and what it is to Live/ apply the corrective statements to in order and in fact stop reacting to ‘dirtiness/ messiness’ as all the points that I have defined as ‘an obstacle’ to live, without realizing that cleaning does not obstruct life, and it is in fact the other way around how I disrupt life every time that I only consider me and only me within my own tantrums. Thus I realize it is unacceptable to divert blame onto others and instead focus on my own application at all times.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think ‘why can’t they have a bit of consideration’ wherein I am diverting all responsibility toward them ‘considering me’ and my special needs, without realizing that in doing so, I am victimizing myself in my mind in order to justify the anger that I then exert onto things and in the moment cursing all I can in order to ‘relieve’ myself, without realizing that such ‘relief’ and entire anger was actually the accumulation of my own backchat and reactions from previous events, wherein this event was the ‘drop of water that made the glass spill’ as they say here. Thus

When and as I see myself victimizing myself toward others and pleading them to ‘have a bit of consideration’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that within this all, I was only considering myself as my mind and that’s it – because I was in fact abusing my physical body when creating such point of anger – thus it is to first consider Me and have full consideration of myself as my physical that is the one that is abused every time that I only seek to validate my ‘anger’ and justify it through my own backchat, which is me as the mind justifying its means and ways to direct myself instead of me being self aware here as breath, wherein I can instead simply direct myself in the moment within common sense, which is cleaning while breathing to support myself to not react at all.

I commit myself to consider my physical body first here as breath before accepting and allowing myself to be and become any mind pattern that is self-destructive and detrimental – I realize that the first consideration is toward our physical body.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use ‘cursing’ as a way to justify why I feel so ‘damned’ by others, without realizing that cursing in such moments is only fueling my anger and as such, it is not supportive at all as cursing won’t make me a better person/ nor will it change someone upon hearing such words – thus

When and as I see myself wanting to curse to justify my anger toward someone, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am aware of what I am doing in such moments and as such, it is to take on the deliberate action of stopping, as I see and realize that getting angry only drains me as my physical body and cursing only adds ‘fuel to the fire’ – thus, it is to instead assist and support myself to breathe and remain here as the physical, breathing, stopping all backchat and internal conversations about others – Instead I focus on myself as the physical.

I commit myself to transcend anger and as such only speak words that I realize are an actual expression of myself in the moment, that are self directed and not just reactions stemming from a self-righteous point of anger as myself –

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be possessed by my own mind wherein I believe myself to be a ‘prisoner’ of my reactions as something that I ‘have a right to experience’ without realizing how in such ‘righteousness’ I am in fact deciding to diminish myself to only be a fraction of a point of awareness in my mind as that anger possession, forgetting about everything and all that is here as the physical and as such, becoming a consequence of my own thoughts as a reaction, instead of remaining here within and as breath.

When and as I see myself simply seeing myself as a ‘prisoner’ and a ‘victim’ of my own anger, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I absolutely have all the power to stop in one single breath, as I see and realize how it is that it is actually a deliberate action that I must take on in order to stop our reactions and experiences, and that anger won’t change a thing within ourselves, thus instead we have to focus on aligning ourselves to consider what to do practically in the moment and direct such practical solutions breath by breath, deliberately making a stand to stop reacting in an emotional way toward a point of what I have called ‘abuse.’

I commit myself to realize that it takes time to change and that getting angry won’t change a thing, and that I am the only one that is able to determine myself as my own point of change

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to actually experience a point of powerlessness when facing a point of abuse and instead of going into that ‘helplessness’ I bring up ‘anger’ as way to victimize myself within the situation and justify my reaction as something that ‘I have the right to do,’ without realizing that anger won’t ever solve the point of abuse itself.

When and as I see myself wanting to immediately get angry upon a point of abuse, I see and realize that the actual experience is that of powerlessness and that there is actually nothing I can do to change the point in the moment, as we have lived entire lifetimes within endless points of abuse toward ourselves, each other and the Earth itself. Thus

I commit myself to walk this process without judging myself for ‘falling’ into anger and thinking that ‘I should have transcended this by now,’ without realizing that it will take time to change the points that cause the anger in the first place and as such, focus on myself and my own reactions absolutely so that I do not allow anger to lead me to powerlessness and as such, diminishing myself to only be this ‘one’ limited point as anger-possession over something that is in fact something rather trivial.

I realize that if I would be aware of all the things and points that go on in the world, I would be ‘dead by anger’ from reacting to all of them – thus I realize that in order to face myself and face the consequences of what I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in, I establish myself here as breath to no longer create a point of possession in my mind upon something that is already done, that is already taking place wherein anger as such won’t ‘change a thing’ anyways – thus, I support myself to stand as the realization that changing who we are, changing our reactions, changing ourselves in fact requires an actual process to walk, thus it is futile to get angry and possessed by a point that won’t be solved overnight. Yet I assist and support myself to stop the unnecessary experiences within me toward/ as anger itself.

 

I realize that I ‘knew’ what I was doing and did it anyways which implies that:

 

“…every time I say ‘I know’ – I am in fact justifying ‘who I am’ as only this observer/presence/knowledge in and as my relationship to the Mind and so essentially every single time, reiterating and validating my limitation, victimization and powerlessness to/as the Mind as me.” – Sunette Spies

Thus, I commit myself to get to in fact know me so that I no longer stand as a victim within a deliberate participation in anger and saying ‘I know’ that I did and did it anyways, as this implies an actual point of ignorance toward the abuse that we inflict upon ourselves and the whole whenever we take on a self-righteous position of ‘I know’ without really knowing how in fact this statement is a way out to not face ourselves – I face myself and commit myself to live the words here.

Walk with us, learning about ourselves: who we are as the Mind, as the Physical and the relationship that we have Missed all this time seeking for ourselves ‘outside’ of ourselves instead of realizing ourselves here as the life that has always been here. It is a matter of realizing: We are here, we are not going anywhere, thus we stand up and walk any point of conflict/ problem within our coexistence by assisting and supporting ourselves individually to stand as a collective that is able to live by the principle of what is best for all life.

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Life Review – A Doomsday Activist

Life Review – My Life with being Cursed

 

Other posts in relation to anger:

94. In-Sin–Irate: Anger Issues
95. Any Abuse is Always Self-Abuse
89. Righteous Victim
88. The Victim
87. Tantrum-me
131. Stop Yourself with Self Forgiveness before You Kill someone
121. Childhood Anti-Social Behavior
120. ‘I don’t like breaking my routine’
108. ‘Like Father, Like Son’
104. Anger Intimidation in Communication
Anger towards Authority
Madly in Anger
Street Fury: Is this the Solution?
Getting angry when directing others
Orderly Control– Self-Exposure for Self Correction
Anger – out of control
Victimization
frustration/anger/sadness

104. Anger Intimidation in Communication

 
This point is exploring how our ability to communicate is influenced when and as we are in the presence of a person that is clearly possessed by anger and/or in a bad mood, wherein we then mirror the person’s experience as if it was our own and take ‘our position’ within the game/ situation, playing out a character that will most likely in our minds lead us to believe that we were the ones to blame/ we were the cause of the problem, as that ensues a process of becoming the ‘victim’ of another’s mood/ mind possession in order to remain in a ‘good stand’ within our mind, justifying why we didn’t speak up and remain constant and consistent within our application to not participate in any form of emotional blackmail, but instead lead the moment with communicating here as breath, ensuring that we present a solution to the situation/ problem instead of becoming part of the problem by reacting in an emotional manner toward another’s experience.

 

Here I describe a memory of being in the kitchen with my mother and my father getting home to have lunch – the moment I would realize he was in a ‘bad mood,’ I would immediately go into fear and petrification, not wanting to be the ‘target’ of his anger by picking on anything he could to complain about me in any way – this means, taking it personal and becoming influenced by another’s mind possession/ mood in the form of anger in this case.

In such event I eventually spoke to get what I wanted, after having feared speaking and trying to find the ‘right moment to interject,’ while being consumed with anxiety and fear – hence the correction will unfold to point out how the moment we ‘mirror’ another’s experience = we become part of the mind-game and as such, we miss our ability to be self-directive no matter what.

We are able to support another by not participating in their mind-game/ not playing the victim and or try and ‘fight their possession,’ but instead remain here in constancy and consistency in and as breath, creating and establishing solutions instead of adding up to the list of retaliation and further grudge-creation over time.

 

Self Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to condition my entire communication with another based on the mood they are presenting in the moment, wherein if they are in an angry mode, I would go into immediate fear and quietness in order to not disturb the angry person further, which is how I wrought this idea of myself as being a nuisance because of being the blank in my mind of ‘the angry person exerting it all out on me,’ which is part of how I have manipulated myself throughout my life to not take responsibility for my own suppression and hesitation to express and be self directive – but instead would allow me to simply be a victim of the situation and using it as a form of self pity in order to feel like I had been ‘wronged’ by others, when in fact it was only we reacting to someone else’s anger and fearing anger itself as something that is more than me in the moment, playing the ‘victimized’ character that ‘bears’ the angry person.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the experience that others are presenting in a moment in my reality, such as if a person was angry or depressed, I would go into self suppressed anger and depression as well, which is how I would immediately give into the character presented in front of me instead of ever standing up in the moment and realizing that I do not have to participate in the same emotional game, but can instead be and remain self-directive at all times with and as myself, understanding that if others exert their anger onto others, it is not to be taken personal, but rather see what is being said and establish a practical solution for the point of irritation, realizing that anger and any other emotion will not change in any way the reality and the points that are being faced in the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go immediately go into tension the moment that I perceive that my father is angry and that I am ‘on his way’ which means that I can be yelled at for being a nuisance/ an obstacle on his way, which is a metaphorical way to also see how I have played out the pattern of when and as facing the anger/ bad mood of another, I would go into immediate submission and fear instead of standing up in the moment and not allowing myself to be affected by it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in sarcasm with my mother about my father’s mood which became a way to speak out the backchat that would in a way ‘smooth out the moment’ as the actual tension that I would experience when having to be in the presence of my father being angry, as well as the projection I’d made toward my mother of being equally tense, but smoothing it out with jokes/ sarcasm as to make ourselves above the situation, when in fact within doing so, we were giving actual ‘power to it’ fully and completely.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to participate in sarcasm whenever I see myself facing an uncomfortable situation such as facing someone’s anger, which is a pattern that I have copied from my mother from the situations and moments when we would ‘make fun’ of my father’s hissy fits and laugh about it, which would make him even more angry and silent, which is how I came to fear silence because of not knowing if he would just explode in any given moment or not – yet laughed about the sarcasm as a way to cope with the actual stress and tension in the moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into ‘quiet mode’ and not communicating at all with my father when and I would perceive and see that he is absolutely angry / in a bad mood, which would make me ‘afraid’ of even speaking to him just because of not wanting to be cursed at or yelled at or replied in some angry manner, because of knowing how when he’d be angry, he’s use any point as any ‘flaw’ within me in order to exert his anger onto everyone around him – hence I would keep quiet.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to create a point of fear and petrification whenever my father was angry at lunch time, because that would mean that any thing that I required to ask him – such as money to buy books/ things I required for school – would be received as a ‘give me give me’ attitude that I knew would be replied with an angry negative answer to my request.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to from the fear of asking something to my father, I would remain instead quiet building up the tension and anxiety doubting every single moment whether I’d be courageous enough to speak to him or not, which would consume my very moment instead of ever considering breathing and simply speaking out, not taking it personal if he did eventually exert his anger onto me.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that I had to ‘find the right moment to interject,’ without realizing that there were Not going to be any ‘right moment,’ as all such moment was simply going to remain in a tense status quo that I simply had to break-through in the moment by actually voicing myself and my request toward him.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to define my entire beingness according to being in the presence of an angry person, such as my father, and as such mimic the person’s experience and make it my own, wherein I then became just a supporter of the mind possession by actually fearing to interact with another that is and was clearly mind possessed in anger and frustration.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to whenever I felt ‘helpless’ within a situation, turn to my mother for answers, simply because I could not see myself as having equal authority toward myself and my own life, wherein I wanted her to ‘soothe out’ the moment with my father instead of me simply directing my request to him and talking without any fear about what I required in that moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to decide to remain silent and quiet whenever there was a situation of ‘anger’ within another, which is how I became submissive toward people that would go into anger with great ease, simply because of fearing that such anger would be exerted toward me with ‘rough words’ that I would immediately react to in sadness and anger within myself.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into guilt whenever I had to ask my father for money when I knew that he had not have a good day at work, because that would make me feel like a nuisance that had to be ‘paid for,’ and as such remaining quiet and not wanting to complain and be as ‘cooperative’ as possible by going into absolute silence and conforming to not speak – which I would only breakthrough if the need was absolutely necessary in that moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel like a load toward my father, and believing that because I was asking him for money I was in fact adding myself up to his ‘problems,’ which I used as a a justification and excuse to think and believe that it would be better for me to not exist/ not wanting others to spend money on my living, which is a pattern that I took as a form of ‘austerity’ in a self-deprecating way.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to diminish myself in everything I would do simply because of the fear of not wanting to be an economical nuisance to my father since I was a child, thus becoming overtly self-conscious about my expenses and being extremely aware of how to spend my money and handling it with fear as if it was ‘more’ than myself, simply because of how I would see that the lack of money would create a lot of stress in my father, and I simply didn’t’ want to be part of the problem – thus I would refrain and abstain myself from asking more than whatever I really needed, which I didn’t take in common sense but as a form of repression and fear, which became my relationship toward money and the relationship toward my father as the ‘financial supporter’ in my life.

 

 

Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself going into suppression because of how I perceive another to be angry or in a bad mood and ready to burst it out onto others, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I do not have to mimic another’s mind possession but instead direct myself to communicate here as breath if it is ultimately necessary to speak and as such, be able to support another indirectly to see that there is no point in keeping oneself in anger as there can be no solutions in anger to solve/ fix that which one is angry about

 

When and as I see myself deciding not to speak to another due to how I see they are mind possessed in anger, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this decision is being made out of fear of being shouted/ yelled at which is just a point of fear that I created for myself in order to stand then as a victim, which was getting into another character to not face the fact that I had in fact become another’s emotional reaction as well- thus I support myself to speak whenever I require to do so, not giving more ‘power away’ to the person that is angry, but directing myself in common sense at all times, as I see that within me stopping playing out the counter act character, I am in fact assisting and supporting another/ others to see that it is unnecessary to react in anger if there is an actual solution that can be walked and implemented by all participants in common sense.

 

When and as I see myself taking another’s anger as something personal/ directed toward me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that all emotions and feelings are in fact self created – thus it is always about the creator and their responsibility over their own experiences, which is then how I realize that in no way do I have to ‘follow the game’ of anger and emotional blackmail in order to conduct a particular situation as that only leads to further character creation.

 

Therefore, I assist myself to simply speak and communicate as usual and not give into another’s negative expression/ reactions in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself immediately going into a physical tension and self-suppression when facing someone that is angry, I stop and I breathe, I realize that in me reacting physically toward another’s mood/ anger in this case is just supporting the character and in no way enabling the other person to actually see the character for what it is and eventually, step out of the possession if they are willing to take responsibility for themselves as I take responsibility for me not acting-along with the moody character

 

When and as I see myself going into victimization according to how I have believed and perceived that I am ‘standing on someone’s feet’ as in being a nuisance, an obstacle or plain annoying in another’s presence while and during their mind possession I stop and I breathe – I realize that any form of suppression I would use as a way to then justify my own self-victimization and further spitefulness toward those that I had victimized myself from – therefore I see and realize that there is no point in participating in anger and sadness and further fear with others possessed by such emotions, but instead direct me to keep my application practical at all times without following an emotional drift toward it.

 

When and as I see myself being sarcastic about another’s angry mood as a means to smooth the tension and self-suppression, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I would do this in order to feel good about myself, as if I was ‘over the anger’ by being able to make fun of it, without realizing that in this I simply developed yet another character in order to cope with others and their reality of becoming absolutely angry/ pissed off in a given moment.

 

When and as I see myself fearing to speak and communicate out fear of making another even more angry or ‘blowing things up,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that within me fearing, I give absolute space for another’s mind possession to fully take place as I am then suppressing me and becoming ‘the victim’ that will then find ways to ‘out do’ such repression, which can only come as just another form of abuse wherein life is still not considered, because the moment we allow ourselves to carry anger as a constant experience within ourselves and toward others, we can only expect such anger to consume the being until the being is no more, as the being can only continue if taking responsibility for the words being said and communicated.

 

When and as I see myself conditioning my expression based on how I perceive another’s mood in the moment, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the moment I refrain and suppress myself from expressing based on ‘how I perceive them’ in the moment is me only giving into the character play outs that support each other in order to maintain a point of conflict with no solution, instead of actually being a point of support and example of how it is perfectly possible to solve a problem and situation by giving it proper direction in common sense, instead of becoming another player in the game – this implies at all times sticking to common sense and practical solutions to show and reveal how no anger will make any difference to a situation or event that requires a solution, but that it is only through stopping the emotional reaction that one can in fact establish practical directions to walk and create solutions to the problems.

 

When and as I see myself trying to find the ‘right moment to interject’ in a communication, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is another excuse to remain in the victimized state wherein I believe that another must ‘give me the right moment to speak,’ which is allowing another’s possession and character to be ‘more’ than myself in any given moment/ situation. Thus I direct myself to speak and communicate in the moment whatever I require to say as I make the space for myself to be heard in the moment – within this I also see and realize that I am able to be indirectly supporting another to see how throwing tantrums, getting angry and being irritated/ in a bad mood does not solve any situation and that it all can instead be walked in a normal chat wherein solutions can be practically established and placed into action.

 

When and as I see myself wanting to give up a point of communication due to fearing that someone will exert their anger on me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that within me suppressing and ‘saving my expression for later’ is an act of giving into the mind and the fear experienced to communicate with someone that is anger, in fear of being the target of such extreme anger which is just another excuse used to not stand up in the moment and make myself heard and be clear and direct within the point of communication that is absolutely possible breath by breath and not giving into any form of emotional blackmail through the ‘possessed in anger’ person.

 

When and as I see myself feeling ‘helpless’ in a situation wherein I am in the presence of a person that is possessed in anger or in a bad mood, I stop and I breathe – I realize that me deciding not to speak or hesitate in my expression is accepting another’s possession as real and such, I become part of the game wherein the one in anger has the most ‘positive experience’ as an ability to control the environment over those that only usually ‘react’ in fear toward such anger – which implies that within me stopping existing as anger when participating with a person that is angry or in a bad mood, I allow myself to become part of the solution in the moment wherein words, communication in common sense is able to be expressed without the requirement of any emotional or feeling input.

 

When and as I see myself victimizing myself toward others based on them being ‘angry’ and seeing myself indirectly as the cause of such anger, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is part of the self-victimization pattern that I have played out wherein I could simply play the victim in order to not have to actually stand up and direct myself to speak and communicate – but instead remain in a subservient mode toward another in order to apparently ‘not cause any further problems,’ without realizing that all problems have a beginning and an end within ourselves, as ourselves. Thus I stop playing out the same pattern and direct myself to see how I can direct the point in simplicity and common sense, presenting solutions at all times instead of reacting and adding myself up to ‘the problematic situation’ perceived and played out only by characters in the moment.

 

When and as I see myself creating a relationship of fear toward money and fearing making others angry because of the amount of money spent on me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the victimization character wherein I would give into being the ‘oppressed’ and ‘victim’ in order to not actually take self responsibility for myself and do what is required to support me effectively, which is how any form of possession can instead be called out, communicated in common sense and establish proper communication, instead of numbing and covering up such communication with anger and hissy fits that support no one.

 

I commit myself to always establish myself as the voice that is able to point out common sense and give practical solutions without participating in any emotional or feeling reaction in any given situation, as this is the type of stability and common sense that is required to embody at all times in a world where conflict is and has been that which feeds ourselves as minds submerged in conflict and problems, which is how when and as presenting solutions as ourselves, we start taking responsibility for our own experiences and actions to see how it is possible to in fact live in a completely new way wherein we are in fact supporting each other to become more effective in our day to day living, instead of just reacting about it and blowing a problem out of proportion as it usually goes on in the mind.

 

Thus I stop all mirror neuron activity of becoming empathic about another’s mood and as such, commit myself to remain here as breath as the sanity required in a world of madness, which begins and stops within myself.

 

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Creative Writing: Morning in a Process of Self-Honesty World

 

You take a cab to go to work. You see how the usual stress of the city is now surrounded by a strange atmosphere of passivity wherein you can only hear a car horn here and there, like asphyxiated claims that are immediately self forgiven, the drivers have finally understood that causing noise only makes things worse. You put your hand on your mouth as you recall that you’d usually lit a cigarette in moments of distress like this. You rather breathe through the cravings and stop the usual complains to get one right away.

 

This time you decide to strike a little conversation with the driver while daring to ask directly ‘what are you working with’ and interjecting onto his personal process and his latest realizations within his writings. The Taxi driver shows you how he uses his cell phone to take notes and writes further notes on a notebook that his wife gave to him the day that their divorce was self-forgiven, they decided to rather work with themselves instead of bombarding each other with guilt and projected blame.  There’s a picture of his family on the cover of the handmade notebook that he places back beneath his seat as he grins with a sense of satisfaction about his reconciliation. And you can’t help but see how you experience a warm fuzzy desire to have such a ‘happy family’ as well – but you understand that you haven’t even gotten yourself out of the daily misuse of your mind while continuing indulging in fantasies, eternal self-loathing backchat that you project onto your boss while seeking for the next great ‘hype’ to come into your life in the shape of two perfect legs on high-heels.

 

You breathe to step out of the daydream and in that moment, you expose the actual experience you just created within your mind to the taxi driver, and you dare to express out loud: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to desire having such a family, without realizing that this is stemming from my inability to first focus on my own self-agreement wherein I must first stop any desire to create a relationships with another being if I haven’t yet sorted out my self-relationship first.  Taxi driver smiles back at you through the rearview mirror and you go into yet another experience thinking ‘Is he mocking me?‘ However he knows that you thought that, and clarifies ‘I am grinning at the bogey hanging from your left nostril, actually’ – and so you suddenly nervously rush to pick it up with the piece of napkin you are always obsessively clinging on to in your left hand, somehow you always fear this happens to you, never realizing how you created such fear in the first place. You feel like someone’s got control over the situation, then realize it’s your own control issues in the desire to be perfect all the time that keep you bound to these nonsensical inner conversations – step out of it because you see that you’ve arrived to your work place. You let him know that you’ve arrived while still feeling the blush cooling down as you rush to step out of the cab. Breathe, you’re only a few steps away from the place – no need to rush.

 

Workplace: 17th floor tower in the upper east side of the city. You make the religious stop to the only ‘decent’ coffee shop there is available across the street. You glance at a woman that has decidedly made you realize that she is watching you as you pick up pace and enter with a sense of flair to the coffee shop after her.  She breaks the spell by turning back and saying: ‘I’m not flirting with you, if that’s what you thought, I am actually working through these obsessive patterns I’ve developed to always flirt with strangers – I apologize… I’m working with it’ – She seemed rather honest about her words, she only smirked twice at you in a condescending way while saying that – that’s fair. You strain your face in means of regret for it all being yet another trick in your mind to have you react without being actually Here while doing so. You remember how it was a lot ‘easier’ to create these type of random fantasies with strangers when you didn’t have to be self honest about your imagination and inner experiences in the moment; you know that such ‘randomness’ would serve as a trigger point to your daily – and obsessive – masturbation habit. Yes, you’ve had to work with it to see how all your frustration and apparent inability to cope with stress is actually thoughts that you can work with, instead of trying to clear the entire build up through a little stroke of luck to then fall into the same pit of stagnation within your own mind.

 

In that moment you bring yourself back here to realize that you froze for a moment as it is still a bit ‘unusual’ to get such frankness from any given stranger at a coffee shop.

 

You go to the counter and look up to see the menu wherein you allow yourself to always ‘ponder’ what you want, yet always choosing the exact same drink. This time you explore something else other than the regular triple espresso with a full milk shot. As you wait for the cashier to come back to the front, you read the ‘Self Forgiveness of the day’ on the blackboard along with the special mixes of the day, and realize that it is way better than reading phony ‘have a good day’ wishes or fortune cookies for that matter– this time it is actually something that relates to you: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become so irritated at the sight of a self-honest world, because I still want my ability to throw tantrums and be constantly mad at everyone – you read the tags on the electronic board that is making sure people get to read the same statement in coffee shops around the world – just as you are – and share their own insights about it.

 

The cashier gets back to the counter. You ask for your next big hit, a dark roast Italian with a bit of milk because you have come to the conclusion that you must stop being an addict to overloaded coffee and sugar. You stare at the cashier as you hand him your card while asking if there is something going on today? He takes a deep breath in the moment, looks up as to recover the sense that he’s ‘here’ and working and shares how he’s just having a rough time having to let go of the death of his father. He then proceeds to forgive himself for having accepted and allowed himself to be so stressed out and rather concerned about his mother now being alone and having no place to stay now that the pension is gone. You look at him in the eyes and let him know that for now, there are no risks to take, that if he doesn’t have enough money he must take his mother to a social security retirement house until we are able to establish an Equal Money System wherein no worries about money will ever create such distress within him or his mother. e He seems to find some clarity and comfort with your words, he understands that the events we are facing are the outflows of having lived entire cycles as humanity in absolute oblivion of what life is, and placing unbearable price tags on it.

He apologizes for the entire ‘stressfully awkward moment,’ however you realize that he could have been you, in the exact same position, actually it is you in fact – you let him know that it is cool that he opened up right there in the moment and forgave himself, for that is the only way to take responsibility for our own shit and not allow such mental storms to tamper our effectiveness during our everyday work, but instead focusing on how to stop all reactions. You are even amazed at how you were able to pull out such an eloquent stream of words that were actually supportive for another. He seemed to be more stable as he goes to the back to prepare your drink.

 

 

You turn around and look at the people in a regular every-day morning coffee session with work colleagues, sharing their tablets filled with self forgiveness statements that each one reads as if it was Every day’s Times paper – at least there’s no more ‘opening bell’ to praise and pray to for better days. Somehow you still see yourself out of that loop, you still fear to open up about the gnawing insecurity you experience every time you have to speak in public, or even when having to present your latest project to a boss that is sorting out his anger management issues and using you as a testing ground for it. You see the ridiculousness of having to increment your confidence as you speak to him, because of the fact that there is no one you have to ‘convince’ or blackmail here as people are now considering investing in projects that are sustainable and long-term solutions for the betterment of humanity. Yes, dealing with engineering water purifying plants was so extensively disregarded and deliberately neglected in the past that you still wonder how you made it into a future where these projects started getting more attention and budget, of course. You then see how futile it is to be stressed about it as you’ve got a monthly income grant which keeps you and everyone else off the old surviving-payroll. You breathe as you take your freshly brewed Italian cappuccino and decide to mingle around others and decide to strike a conversation now that you don’t have to be at 9 am sharp at work, but can take a moment to enjoy the coffee without death-threatening consequences.

 

You decide to talk to the Self-Forgiving flirtatious woman that had let you know how you were just a nice mirror for her own old-patterned issues. Somehow that made you still flattered about the entire situation and becomes a trigger point to break the ice with saying how you have just uploaded a blog recently wherein the ‘being intimidated by flirtatious women’ point was opened up. She looks up at you and smiles back, she grabs her cup back and sips the black coffee inviting you to read the lines that she has just written out of the recent event with you, wherein a memory of a very similar event in her past popped up. It was written out through statements of self forgiveness that the woman read out loud in order to establish an uncanny vulnerability in the moment, which you still find yourself internally cringing about and becoming distrustful as you start wondering ‘why’ is she even sharing that with you, but you bring yourself back here to see how you should simply dare to do the same sometime. You find this woman attractive for her assertiveness and openness to share her ‘intimate world’ – yet realize that all fantasies that would usually ensue from here stop there, you have work to do, you can only continue seeking for some panties to follow as long as you don’t sort out your inner obsessive delusions about finding a sense of ‘fulfillment’ outside of yourself. You’ve got to let go of it all for now, and get back to the real world.

 

You decide to leave your blog link to her, letting her know that you’ll also be writing out the inner experience about the entire event and thank her for also being a cool mirror to reflect upon. She strikes a smile after going through an almost imperceptible refraction of unconditional expression – you know it’s tough to, for the first time, allow your teeth to show now that you know that the other can’t be judging you about it.

 

You grab your bag and leave the coffee shop not before saying to the cashier ‘Hey man, that was a cool shot and… breathe’ with a gesture in your face that shows real compassion, because you truly mean it.

 

Now you head up across the street to the 17th floor tower that you occupy right at the middle of, and as you go into the elevator you switch into your mind and go into a quick reflection on the events and how you would have experienced the entire sequence of events in the past. You remembered about how women were an absolute mystery that you could only fantasize daring to talk to. You could have simply been in a bad mood and yelled at the taxi driver for being ‘such a slow jackass’ while lighting up cigarette after cigarette and blamed the cashier for exposing having ‘emotional unsorted issues’ while making you wait for an extended period of time to make your regular triple espresso with one milk shot, then making you feel usually miserable for how subservient he would stare back at you when realizing it was not fair having such a bossy costumer early on in the day. You  remember the absolute stress you had while boiling the same old hatred toward the expectation of dealing with your boss that would usually end up spitting the ball of fire back at you.

 

All of that is gone. You breathe out of the memory and arrive to your office, you log onto your computer to catch up reading the blogs around the world and sharing yours. Somehow even if the world system is crumbling apart like a cookie on hot coffee, you see that people are truly creating a sense of neighborism around the globe that has been absolutely far more shocking and unexpected than any other utopian dream of your youth. You are still holding on to ‘the old you’ by one single thread that you are about to cut off if you are able to implement a new water system that will enable people from places like Haiti or Somalia to benefit from their coast lines, and provide potable water for all. Somehow your inner world of anxiety, despair, devious fantasies and absolute self-loathing stops for a moment as you realize that if it wasn’t for you being here, such system would not have been able to exist.

 

You sip your now cooled down coffee and as you unwrap the wooden mixer, you realize that the napkin had a note on it: I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be ashamed of letting you know that you have a bogey hanging from your left nostril. I’ll make sure I let you know next time – thanks for the advice. Pat.

 

You experience an immediate rush of blood to your face, then you breathe and eventually laugh out loud about it and realize the dimensional shift that went on in the cab while still backchatting about your fantasies and rushing to step out of the cab. The woman had seen it on your face the whole time, yet she didn’t seem perplexed or put off by it– it shocks you for a moment while actually considering how the usual embarrassment is not as prominent as it was before. That’s progress.

Anyways, back to work, you’ve got an entire machinery to place on the move in this world – your daydreaming can be put on hold. You remind yourself that for now, you cannot be following that which you like to be your driving force, but stick to what must be done in the name of a better world for all.

Somehow the cup seems to not be half empty anymore.

 

————————————————————–

 

Further context

The writing came up when creating a hypothetical moment in 7 years of having established Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty as a daily regular application for the majority of people in this world. Everyone being aware of the tools of Self-Support through writing themselves to freedom, and actually living and applying it in an open manner with each other. This means that the capitalist system was still in place, however a Basic Income Grant would have managed to get people out of the debt-loop as banks and corporations slowly but surely start adapting to a new system of income through redistributing it back to health care and educational systems.  Everyone would be aware of each one’s ‘points’ that are being walked in their individual processes so that no matter who you talk to or encounter yourself interacting with, they would be able to openly share and get feedback – or at least open communication – without any fear that your ‘secret mind’ could be exposed with strangers.

Human beings start becoming really compassionate to one another now that the ties that money would bound each other to hierarchical strains are being slowly but surely equalized to a best-for-all economic model.

A sci-fi story? No, a future in the making I’d say.

Check out

Desteni

Desteni Forum 

and the Equal Money System website to realize that we are in fact able to create a world wherein we reform the current system of debt and control that we have enslaved each other to in our reality.

 

Supportive reading:

Day 7: Letting Go of Regret

 


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