I read Cenk’s blog on ‘Fear of Animals’ and it caught my attention as I faced the same point – and proabably still will have to face at a later stage – with regards to animals as I realized how I had acquired such fears towards animals due to judgments passed on by my parents, specifically my mother – my father with regards to them being not clean/smelling bad/disastrous and my mother just because she probably had some bad experiences with dogs and other animals as a kid, being chased and so forth so then she would be frightened by animals and she passed on those fears on to us which I then obviously accepted as myself and lived with the idea that I didn’t like animals that much, I wasn’t really attracted to them and I would mostly only get bits of that when visiting my cousins (all three of them are biologists) and having to watch animal planet – though I still disregarded, saw them as yes ‘awesome creatures’ but just by knowledge and information, not really ever getting to live with one. That changed when we finally were able to get dogs once again – I did have one that I adored a mini toy at age 3 though he was a disaster and my parents ended up sending him away – and from there it was only around 2004 around there that my sister’s bf got her a dog and she’s still alive Moka– and then Shakti who arrived few months before I got into process around october 2007 lol I was still into researching hinduism at that time hence the name – lolol – and so dogs became ‘ok’ and acceptable in my house, my parents now take care of Shakti as their daughter so that’s awesome really, it’s been a great support with them after having an empty nest all of a sudden.
Then going to the farm was obviously the ‘test’ towards such fears towards animals – dogs are ok definitely mostly all my life they’ve been ‘my favorite animal’ lol because it was the only one I had been in contact with – and then first fear/resistance transcended was towards cats because I thought myself to dislike them, obviously never having been with a cat before in such close contact – I slept in the ‘cat lounge’ as it was called back then lol so, I would be having several cats sleeping around to which I became used to quite fast enough as I realized my fears weren’t actually real but passed-on fears of my mother which I then took as ‘myself, my preference’. Bs! lol – then I became very fond of the cats and till this day just pictures remain as I don’t have any cats around here and I literally got to know few of the now ‘older cats’, to see how each one have their own ways and habits and likes and dislikes – fascinating and I enjoyed that tremendously really, I couldn’t believe myself when I ended up having boxes around my room just to have cats hang around in the room throughout the day and night – awesome and also cool how cats would go on to everyone’s room, supporting everyone to have that constant company, really fascinating beings the same as dogs
Then Horses were a different story as I had a huge resistance to work with them and it was the point where I revealed myself that I wasn’t standing one and equal to them and that I was refusing to support them due to Fear indeed, I feared the horses and thus within my mind I created all types of excuses of why I wasn’t ‘capable’ of taking care of a horse – I have to say that if there’s something that it has actually taken me great effort is to get to get rid of such fear – and I actually did experience constant threats of for example having the horse trying to bite me in the beginning which would obviously ignite my fears and wanting to give up taking care of the horse – so it was one of the points where I was literally pushed to ‘snap out of it’ by Bernard in such a way that I’ll never forget, that entire mind possession that I had was quite extensive which I had to direct and thus live my self forgiveness, literally, no magic wand, directing myself, walking through the huge resistance I had built until it vanished and I was simply ‘doing the work’ that was required and it was only after a long time that I started kind of enjoying taking care of them – it was until I got to Polo – Andrea’s horse – that I got quite comfortable with him and my ‘highlight’ was being able to run along with him for a bit when taking him back to the stables lol that was so liberating, having fears of ‘oh you may stumble and fall’ just removed and being free in that moment – thus I realized how I had actually had to walk the entire correction, the entire manifested consequence in several ways of my initial fear towards horses, my resistance to support the horses which then became another ‘standing up for life’ point in supporting the horse one and equal.
Within that there was definitely many fears confronted like fears of snakes which then I saw one of them getting into our room which stood there for several hours until mr. animal-friendly Gian was able to take it out and so I was relieved but manifested my fear towards snakes appearing and having that one guest in the room pfff that was not cool at all – and thus why I said in the beginning that I’ll probably have to face more points also when talking to Leila today about Anu and Enki – lol the lizards – and how I’d have to face my fear towards them. So I read Cenk’s vlog and thought this as myself as well and how I can’t imagine living in the same room with such beings so – and other animals such as getting comfortable with rats for example – spiders were also like beings that I kind of feared and thus also transcended point at the farm when living with one on top of my bed literally on top of my face for long time.
The point to face was the Horse, such magnificent animals that I went from fear to actual recognition of who they are as equals as myself yet really amazing for what they are and what they’ve endured within their lives and design.
I must say I do miss the cats lol I had a more direct contact with them for longer time than dogs with whom I would usually just hang out for a while or throwing the eternal ball to timeless –
The DesteniFarm is definitely the place to be to face the relationships we’ve created towards all beings, all nature, to test ourselves in our standing in every single form, every single way, it’s the most constant learning experience I’ve had in my entire life, actual living skills, actual living experiences to stop separation, to stop fears, to face my fears, to work through fears, to stand and then direct simply within common sense.
I am grateful for that experience which changed my life and everything I had been up to that point, every limitation I thought of myself was opened up for me to still walk through here as myself.
on other points today
I had quite a cool moment of realization after listening to the interview
Radical Relationships as Creative Force first of all I recommend anyone to listen to the interview because many small gaps that may exist within this process are clarified there – and so afterwards I noticed how that interview had definitely left this point of acquired-realization let’s call it that with regards to the Physical Process that we’re actually walking and how it is actually simplicity of getting ourselves back to ourselves – so I made a vlog on that.
For a moment I’ve realized many points specifically with regards to my family and how for a long time I actually separated-myself from them in my stance of ‘walking process’ when in fact today I realized that it is about seeing everyone as equal though it’s definitely not to separate ourselves from our family – probably someday we’ll have to face even our ‘friends’ and I realized how even after all if any person in my life suddenly would decide to talk and share I would be completely open to it as there is nothing I could hold as a grudge against anyone really – all that required to be sorted out I am sorting out within myself and as such I walk.
The essence of what I experienced today in terms of what I heard is gratefulness as I see myself and who I was and where I could probably be if I hadn’t stumbled upon Desteni and it would be completely irrelevant, stuck into a single point wanting to ‘change the world’ yet probably not being that change myself. Then I saw one of the first letters I sent to Desteni wherein I was rather desperate trying to figure out what Desteni was about, got cool support by Talamon and from there the rest is history – I’m biting my inferior lip which is something about receiving so- gratefulness is directed here as myself, not only towards ‘receiving from others’ but realizing that within receiving I am giving equally back and that’s the principle I stand for – and so from there till this point it’s been quite a ride lol that I’m certainly grateful for anyone that is standing Equally in this process – this is all I ever required to realize I am not alone in this, that I am not a crazy lunatic that wants to do something for this world – so yes, grateful for everyone equally.
This is ti, thanks for reading.