Tag Archives: antisocial

259.Drug Addiction Prevented by Unconditional Living Support

Continuing from:

220. Drug Culture: Mad Society as a Lifestyle

I commit myself to create a world system and society that is based on equalizing everyone’s living condition to the best living condition that we all agree would be what is best for all, a society wherein one will no longer have to depend on money to live but rather work and develop oneself to receive equally a remuneration from the contributions that one does to a system that ensures all living beings have equal support and no one is left behind – this is what will ensure that there are no more systems/ governments to fight against/ rage against – but rather work with to create and manifest a world wherein life is finally dignified for all.

 

I commit myself to stop my own self abuse through seeking an energetic experience as a synonym of ‘being alive’ and instead, breathe and walk this Self Honesty process to ensure that all the past that I have accepted and allowed as ‘my personality’ and as this world system in the ‘greater picture’ finally stops within me – within this realizing that there is no need to continue spiting the past, but rather focusing on stopping the past, becoming the solution to stand as the pillar of the actual new way of living, which is and will only be life in Equality, because it is how things should have always been.

 

I commit myself to make of myself as my own decision to live my motivation and also to create a world-system wherein I would also want to live in for the rest of my existence, as this ensures that no matter where one is/ in which form within this existence, we are all equally supporting an actual dignified living condition for all. This thus implementing the law of our being as equality and oneness wherein implementing such law is what I commit myself to do and live till it is done.

 

I commit myself to expose how within stopping the consumption of drugs and alcohol, one face one of the greatest decisions: do we continue supporting self abuse or not and as such, share how it is through stopping drugs and the constant addiction to ‘feel good’ that one is able to finally establish a point of self-acceptance as a physical body that breathes, eats, shits and relates to other beings as a form of coexistence, which is the reality that is here and any other desire for a ‘moreness’ as an energetic experience must be seen as what it is, a mechanism of self abuse that must be stopped by each one of us realizing our responsibility toward our physical, our mind and this world system that we all collectively and individually co-create.

 

I commit myself to expose how drugs are the perfect way to keep slaves happy, because as long as people have a way to ‘escape reality,’ they won’t investigate and stand up for a way to change the system, instead of coping within it or antagonizing, which only perpetuates the irresponsibility we all hold toward each other.

 

I commit myself to expose how the entire drug culture is contributing to the current capitalist system wherein corruption is feasible where a lot of money is injected through illegal means to a drug trafficking business along with any other criminal activity that is only existent due to the same lack of money as well as greed for money and experiences that are only detrimental to the human being and the environment we co-create.

 

I commit myself to continue exposing how the solution will not come through retaliation and opposition toward the system using drugs as a way to ‘spite’ the system, but instead commit myself to live a life of sobriety in all ways wherein one can finally learn what it is to live in the physical, stopping seeking experiences that only happen at a mind level and that are expensive, harmful and addictive habits that should not be lobbied by any person that understands the responsibility shared when providing drugs/ sponsoring drugs to another being, which is unacceptable within the laws of what neighborism is: give to another what you would want for yourself and as such

 

I commit myself to support myself to always see and realize that any good feeling search is not really me as who I am as the physical seeking such ‘good feeling’ but only the mind that feeds off of emotions and feelings – thus

 

I commit myself to live the realization that breathing, being here in the physical body is the way to face oneself and breathe through any withdrawal symptom of stopping feeding a mind with thoughts that only lead us to seek for ‘greater experiences’ that end up in further abuse and neglect.

I commit myself to expose how there will be no need to use drugs/ seek for ‘greater experiences’ in a system wherein life will be finally given and received in equality and no longer sold to those who happen to have money by chance.

It is then my responsibility to ensure I focus on that which is leading toward a best for all outcome, and that any desire to experience something more is seen and understood as the mind seeking a fix that leads nowhere but further separation from what is here – it is to stop, breathe, and keep moving in the physical.

 

I commit myself to expose how there is no ‘easy way out’ in this reality and that consuming drugs is only a way to ignore the problem and aggravate it, since all drug cultures require money and as such it is to instead inform how money must be changed in the way it functions and as such, focus on supporting ourselves to Live as equals and working together to implement an actual dignified way of living through the Equal Money System and through this, educate ourselves about how the mind operates in the physical body and as such establish our own commitments to be the points that stop from feeding this machinery that works currently on desires, wants and needs that are not common sensical in most of the cases thus

 

I commit myself to stop following through the constant seeking of a ‘better experience’ and instead, focus on living/ doing/ working on the solutions that we all require to see as the foundation of the best living condition that we can all support to co-create once that more and more human beings realize that we have the actual ability to decide what is best for all and we can all vote to implement such best for all modalities that will mean an actual democracy that is a demonstration of the love we always liked to believe we had, but never actually placed into application – thus it is to Love our neighbor as ourselves and that will ensure that no single being is left behind, secluded and resorting to any form of escapism to avoid responsibility or facing ones world and reality, and extending a hand for support.

 

I commit myself to point out how any complain toward the system must be taken back to self to see how we are all equally responsible for everything that happens in this reality and as such, understand and focus on getting to know how such system is created at a thought level and this thus indicate we are all equally responsible for what is here.

I commit myself to create awareness of how this world is the reflection of ourselves as our mind and that any desire to ‘retaliate’ against it or ‘escape’ from it, is detrimental activity as it enhances the mind itself instead of assisting and supporting oneself to take responsibility for who and what we have become within such desires.

 

I commit myself to expose how drugs as any other business are very profitable system that works in illegal frameworks that only perpetuate the same system of abuse and as such, we all have to stop participating in any form of profitable activity that is based on self abuse within humanity.

I commit myself to explain how it is possible to implement a system that no more leads everyone to a a desires to ‘escape the system,’ but rather create enough awareness of how it is only us that can take the wheel/ make the decision to  live a life where the only experience is being here physically breathing.

 

This is thus a commitment to change from the source and the root of the ‘problem’ which is ourselves,  wherein through understanding how our mind works, how we drive ourselves to create any form of instability, desire, want  and need within our mind only, the responsibility is irrevocably here as an individual choice to either stop participating in such energetic seekings or not. I commit myself to stop seeking to satisfy an experience without ensuring that all beings have equal access to it as myself as well – this is to understand that it is not to condemn experiences, but the availability of it to everyone and such experiences being destined to exist as an actual enjoyment in the physical without requiring a substance to do so, other than oxygen, physical movement and expression which is what I find the most enjoyable: being able to share and coexist with beings that are willing to live in Equality as Life.

 

I commit myself to explain how it is through creating a system of self support that any drug addiction will be preventable, as all of them are based on a form of individual delirium as the mind that seeks to escape an unbearable self-experience and reality that mostly stems from the inability to live in the best condition possible within a world wherein everywhere you look, you can see life being supported and no longer abused only for the benefit of some.

 

I commit myself to implement an educational system wherein self-worth as life is lived and recognize within one another as a living fact wherein actual support is given to all beings equally, as this is what living words is about and as such, never again create disillusionment within ourselves as individuals existing in a constricting system, but rather learn from an early age to value life as who we are and be valued/ supported unconditionally the same way by the system – this is the actual giving and receiving as an actual caring that can definitely ‘move mountains’ and that is yet to be lived and witnessed by all that care enough to live at last, a life in Equality.

From previous post:

It is thus to realize that there will be no need to ‘escape from reality’ if we all instead dedicate ourselves to create a world system that supports all beings equally as Life, creating an actual respect for oneself and each other to create a system wherein on one will have a need to ‘escape’ an actual heaven on Earth we can all agree to create through a democratic vote that each one has the power to exert within the  Equal Money System – it is about time we stop numbing and harming our being that is fully functional and that of others through promoting ways to ‘escape the system’ and instead, work together to make of it the system and reality that we have always wanted to live in but believed ourselves to be incapable of changing – that is no more.

 

“Every Human Being Claim ‘the Right to Life’, yet there is no Protection of this Right – unless you, in the Current Capitalism, have the Benefit of Money; this Equal Money Capitalism (EMC), will Prevent. What will also be Prevented, is War. As War is Profit-Driven.
It is Time for a New World System. One Based on Prevention, instead of Reaction. One Based on Honouring the Right of Life, Equally for All.
Join the Journey to Life, and Become Part of a Solution.“ – Bernard Poolman 

 

 

Further support:

Go to the Equal Money System website and vote for our proposals to establish a world system where prevention of drug addiction will be part of our basic policies when understanding to what extent ignoring how the mind functions within the physical leads to the creation of abuse as our current world system.

 

Unconditional Living Support = Equal Money System

 

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Educational Self Support:


120. ‘I don’t like breaking my routine’

This emerged as I went out for a walk as I do everyday and two people approached me – a woman and her son – and the woman indicated that they had seen me walking around always Alone around the neighborhood, and she quickly asked me if I’d like to go walking with them some time – and so, I was calm here breathing and I could clearly immediately experience the same physical sensation of just ‘wanting to leave’ right there immediately upon hearing an invitation to go somewhere/ do something that is ‘out of my routine,’ I clearly had backchat in between our conversation such as:

What do they want from me?

Are they white lighters? (because they asked me if I liked yoga)

How can I say that I like to walk all by myself?

I just want to be alone

She probably wants me to be ‘friends’ with her son

Do I look that lonely and/or depressed to others?

I don’t want my routine to be interrupted

Why is she so insistent?

Is it that people are wondering about me being suspicious around here?

I can tell her that I’ll be moving out soon, that way they’ll go away

I’m wasting my time here

Do I have to explain my life to her?

And so this seemingly ‘casual’ experience was a trigger point for me to see how I have lived within this almost fear an anxiety to do something out of my own routine, wherein interacting with others and doing things out of ‘my schedule’ seems like an aberration at all times.

Hence I walk self-forgiveness and self corrective application on each point of backchat experienced as a defense mechanism to my own self-religion.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to immediately react with the backchat ‘what do they want from me?’ when seeing people crossing the street in order to meet me, which is a defense mechanism wherein I immediately react to the image of people suddenly approaching me, which at a peripheral view becomes a ‘threatening sight’ simply because of holding the fear of being robbed or mugged by people on the streets while I walk alone.

When and as I see myself fearing the sight of people approaching me, I stop and I breathe – I instead ensure that I do take a look at the people and remain stable with whatever their intentions are

I realize that reacting in fear is just a way to keep me ‘alert’ of people at all times while walking on the street, which is why and how I have developed a way to walk in a very ‘focused’ manner looking only at the horizon but not looking at people specifically as to not create a point ‘unspoken communication’ just by sight/ view of each other.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘she probably wants me to be ‘friends’ with her son’ the moment that she introduced me to her son, which is how I have been conditioned to believe that all ‘mothers’ introducing their sons to females has to do with wanting to arrange a ‘couple’ in the moment.

When and as I see myself reacting with the backchat’ oh they want me to go out with his son/ the male here’ – I stop and I breathe, I continue hearing what they have to say while breathing here

I realize that all reactions stem from the times when it is a cliché that a mother seeks a female to ‘go out with’ a female in order to establish relationships – I realize that I can stop this backchat and simply remain here breathing and listening to the words spoken in physical reality.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘do I look that lonely and/ or depressed to others’ in terms of me walking all alone, which is me reacting to the woman’s facial expression of concern wherein I believe that she’s concerned and/or wanting to make a ‘big deal’ out of me being alone all the time – thus I realize that being ‘lonely’ is a word that is negatively seen by people that judge their own aloneness as something that would immediately require company – therefore I take the point for what it is and that’s it.

When and as I see myself wondering if others see me as ‘too lonely and/or depressed’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this backchat only supports others’ words and projected concerns about ‘loneliness,’ wherein I see and realize that the fact that I contained such backchat indicates that I have judged myself for walking all alone and victimizing myself at times for ‘walking around all alone’ in terms of how it is seen by others, and/or looking seemingly ‘suspicious’ to others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat: is it that people are wondering about me being suspicious around here? Wherein I allow myself to project my own beliefs of ‘how I am seen’ around the neighborhood/ area in which I walk – thus, I see and realize that I am still holding on to the ‘I am weird/ eccentric’ character while walking on the street, wherein I believe that people are having all types of ideas about me walking on the same road every single day, like a mentally deranged person which I embody as a form of protection toward what I believe is a way to secure myself to not be ‘attacked’ by people on the street, and instead, become the fear instigator toward others, just as a defense mechanism toward potential robbers/ abusers while I walk down the street.

When and as I see myself acting out on the character of being mysterious/ being seemingly suspicious in my attitude and random moves as I walk down the streets, I stop and I breathe – I continue walking simply being here aware of what I’m listening and seeing and experiencing as my very own feet on the ground walking step by step, taking the necessary precautions in terms of checking people around and make the necessary moves in order to consider what works best in terms of walking on the street in any given moment.

I realize that I have become the seemingly suspicious character in order to remain ‘safe’ and ‘undisturbed’ by people, just because of not wanting to establish relationships with people or be ‘too well known’ by others in the neighborhood, aside from the people I buy food/ stuff from.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘do I have to explain my life to her?’ the moment that she asks if I had a brother or sister to go out with, wherein I then have to explain that I live alone and that I have no one to walk with.

I realize that this is a strange situation for me that I had not experienced as it is very rare that someone approaches you to ‘strike a conversation ‘out of nowhere,’ which indicates to what level of fear and control we’ve lived, wherein we cannot even consider that another would just want to ‘strike a conversation’ but we immediately assess what is it that they want from us, what is it that they are promoting/ selling/ involved-in in order to make sales.

When and as I see myself going into the backchat of ‘Do I have to explain myself to her’? I stop and I breathe – I continue listening unconditionally to the questions and direct myself to assess what information I can give and what information I rather not give to a new person/ stranger in the moment.

I realize that I don’t require to ‘explain’ myself as in making sense of my aloneness, but I can simply share in a very succinct manner the reasons for the pattern another is pointing out and how I am practically living without it.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the backchat ‘are they whitelighters’ as a way to immediately discard what they have to say in the moment based on me thinking, believing that only ‘good doers/ positive thinkers’ would want to do something that they view as ‘positive’ at their eyes.

When and as I see myself judging people in my head for being into yoga/ spirituality, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can instead of judging directing me to hear what they have to say about it and respond accordingly, without reacting from the fact that I was into spirituality for a brief moment.

I realize that I create labels/ tags onto people as a way to support my character of the ‘reality observer,’ wherein I believe that I understand the mechanisms of the mind to the T, which is absolutely not so, and that I instead tend to create these points/ characters according to the level of ‘threat’ they represent to myself as my own mind in that moment.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think that I am wasting my time with people when I am talking with them, as I see and realize that it is only me in my mind creating a defense mechanism toward something/ someone that is actually a potential ‘debunker’ toward my own mind.

When and as I see myself thinking that ‘I am wasting my time here’ I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is me rushing as my mind wanting to ‘move on’ with the immovable type of self-created experience, instead of me supporting myself to actually slow down, breathe and as such listen and consider what is being explained/ lived/ talked about in the moment unconditionally.

I realize that the ‘I don’t have enough time’ sentences is an excuse to stop communication, seek ways to not continue communicating wherein I assess something ‘else’ that I have to do as ‘more important’ than the moment, which is clearly a defense mechanism to not have to face myself as my own mind.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to react with an energetic experience of fear and slight anxiety when being asked to go out with others/ being invited to do something out of my routine, which implies that the fear and anxiety is a defense mechanism to not even consider the point as a potential opportunity for me to face myself and my own inclination to remain ‘undisturbed’ by others in my routine. Thus

When and as I see myself reacting in fear and anxiety to a question that proposes me doing something out of the ordinary, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can in fact assess whether I am able to participate or not without immediately seeking ways to say ‘no’ and justify that decision with my own backchat as I realize that I am not being entirely self directive in such moments, but allowing me to just ‘shut down’ and created excuses to not walk the point and actually open up toward others as an opportunity of self-expansion and expression with others.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think the backchat ‘how can I say that I like to walk all by myself?’ wherein I am defending my own reluctant self-experience to participate, interact with others based on the memories of having been impulsed to socialize with others, such as the way that my mother would force me to socialize which is how I have a kept one single memory as the point that defines all my interactions with people that I get to know of in a ‘casual manner,’ wherein I would defend my ‘right’ to remain as a loner no matter what.

When and as I see myself wanting to explain to others why and how I enjoy being alone, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am creating a defense to my own self-religion of ‘being alone’ wherein I am only seeking ways to not interact with others. Thus I allow myself to continue interacting and considering what’s being said in the moment, without any condition or any restriction according to what ‘threatens’ my own desire to ‘be alone.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge another in my head as ‘insistent’ the moment that they ask again about my own ‘loneliness’ and inviting me to go out with them, wherein I am still believing that there must be something in it for them to insist on socializing with me, which is how I have conditioned myself to always look t relationships and interactions based on self interest wherein I immediately judge another’s expression toward me and their starting point to communicate according there being some personal benefit out of it, which is how I would mostly judge any ‘casual communication’ and only expecting people to get to explain their reason of interacting/ communicating based on a point of self-interest, which is the only reason I could think of as the reason for people approaching others to communicate.

I realize that I have judged people approaching others as always having to do with people wanting something to their own benefit, which is how I have always judged communication as self-interest instead of actually allowing myself to be that it can be an actual unconditional openness from human beings in the moment without any personal interest in itself.

Thus, when and as I see myself wanting to rush a point of communication to ‘get to know ‘what people are in fact being pushed by/ driven by in order to communicate with me, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am seeing the communication through the veil of ‘self interest’ projected onto others instead of actually breathing and just being here in every word that is being spoken wherein I can ensure that I am hearing the words said instead of interpreting them.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘I don’t want my routine to be interrupted’ – which is the actual core of my character as ‘the loner’ wherein any potential threat to my religion of always doing things the way that ‘I want’ is judged by myself as my mind in order to diminish any potential threat to my own routine as a holder of my ego/ self-religion based on having a certain time throughout the day for everything, wherein I immediately create any point that could stand outside of such norm/schedule as an aberration that must be annihilated immediately, which is the reason why I tend to create all types of excuses as to never have to actually challenge my own time frames and ‘way of being’ in order to participate in an activity/ moment of interaction with other human beings.

I realize that I have believed that breaking my routine is something that I simply ‘cannot afford’ within the consideration of how I use my time throughout the day thus

When and as I see myself thinking about saying no to a proposal of interaction/ communication with other beings and creating the excuse of time as a justification with the thinking pattern ‘I don’t want my routine to be interrupted’ – I stop and I breathe – I instead allow myself to consider whether it is viable for me to actually participate or not according to my actual self-honest assessment of the point, ensuring that I am in fact not restricting my participation with others deliberately, but that I give myself the opportunity to consider opening up with people and seeing how it could work to do something ‘out of the ordinary’ without compromising myself either.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always seek ways to rush a point of communication with people that I deem as too ‘talkative’ to an end through the backchat ‘I just want to leave already’/ ‘I just want to be alone and keep going’ which is how I have kept myself ‘intact’ within my own patterns of how I communicate and interact with people, always seeking to just ‘be alone’ again as I see and realize that interacting, communicating and actually opening up to others is the way to go debunking my own restrictive personality toward others, as a defense mechanism for my own mind as its main characters to continue existing as a point of ‘exclusivity’ in relation to who I talk to/ who I can simply disregard, which is an elitist way of looking at people, making it an excuse to not actually interact and expand in a moment, but remain within the safe bounds of my own mind.

When and as I see myself thinking ‘I just want to be alone and keep going’/ I just want to leave already – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am facing a moment and a point wherein I can actually breakthrough my imposed self-limitations of communication toward others, and in fact allow myself to expand and express with others without having to have a ‘reason’ behind it, but simply see it as an opportunity to step outside of my own schemes for a moment and see how I can support myself within participating with others, unconditionally.

I realize that I have a resistance to do things ‘out of my routine’ because I have made of my routine this ‘untouchable’ aspect of ‘who I am’ wherein I have disliked anything and anyone that dares to challenge it, reacting with fear of losing myself as my mind, as my self-religion and ‘my time’ which I have used as an excuse to not interact and actually expand with others, as I see that it takes an actual ‘push’ and effort for me to do something ‘out of the ordinary,’ which is just a matter of allowing myself to do it more frequently in order to not hold a resistance toward it in any way whatsoever.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to always want things to remain ‘the same’ and ‘immovable’ as this creates an experience of certainty within myself as my mind, wherein I am only looking to create a ‘safe environment’ as a routine and repetition within my mind wherein such repetition becomes a form of security to remain ‘stable’ within myself. Thus

When and as I see myself wanting to shut down/ move away and or avoiding something or someone that represents having to step out of that routine, that repetition as a certainty to my own ‘world’ within my mind, I stop and I breathe – I realize that change is actually cool in order to go letting loose from my own trap of mind-routine as a self-religion of certainty and security. This way I allow myself to do things out of my schedule at times within the self-honest consideration of myself and practicality in that moment, to also not now compromise to ‘always’ do things to step out of my mind-routine, but simply be open and self-honest about participating in points that I am invited to, or even directing myself to ‘by my own will’ as a way to really walk the self-correction of never ‘touching’ anything that could mean a potential change/ threat to my routine as my mind.

I assist and support myself to become aware of my own thinking when being invited to do something out of the ordinary wherein I can self-honesty assess the proposal instead of just shoving it away or wanting to run away from it. I support myself to walk the correction of what it means to consider practicality before listening to my own backchat as the decision maker toward any event in my reality.

 

I commit myself to continue breaking my own routine and self-religion patterns with small activities and actions wherein this desire to remain ‘immovable’ is actually walked into a practical realization of being available and open for interaction with others wherein I decide whether I participate or not based on a self-honest assessment toward it, instead of immediately shutting it down out of fear of debunking my own religion.

 

I realize that I am the one that has the power to decide whether I support myself to live and break-through my own patterns or not, thus I decide whether I remain within the confinement of my own characters and personalities or actually allow myself to step out of my own mind control and live.

 

For further support in walking our own mind and understanding our own creation as a limited version of life through and as a limited mind, visit the Desteni I Process website to learn more about how you can walk a process of knowing yourself in order to be able to create who we are based on a principle of life in equality, with support and assistance to always have a point of reference in relation to HOW we can practically begin to live and how we can practically stop all forms of limitations as fears to not do so.

Desteni

Desteni Forum

 

28-days-later

Blogs:

Day 120: True Activist Politics

Multidimensional Inner-Voices – Part 2 (Self-Commitments): DAY 120

 

Interview of the day:

Life Review – A Child’s Mind in an Adult Body

119. Oddity: Please, Leave Me Alone

119 is an Odd number and an oddity pattern has emerged. As mentioned in the previous blog, I am here to walk a point that comes before all points in relation to relationships, and that is a pattern that I have played out throughout my life and that I’ve mentioned in the blog  111. ‘Why aren’t you normal? which is a desire to be Left Alone.

And curiously enough, I had been trying to hide and suppress this point from the moment that I heard a song by Fiona Apple in her new record wherein she sings/recoils saying ‘How can I ask anyone to love me when all I do is beg to be Left Alone? –

 

Left Alone

This point can be quite extreme and it kicks in as a defense mechanism of the mind in order to place a red flag whenever there’s something/ someone that might be a potential dynamite to my self-religion, wherein I essentially start running away/ evading to ‘not be bothered’ or simply challenge my ‘way of being’ which is clearly a self-delusion.

The first memories stem from when I was a little girl and my mother would ask me to ‘go downstairs and play with x and x’ during a party or family reunion, which I refused to for whatever reason –I would even go into throwing tantrums simply because of not wanting to go and ‘play’ with other kids, which is how I would create an absolute opposition to the sound of her voice being ‘gently-pushing’ me to do something, until she’d get angry and scold me for not wanting to go downstairs to be/ socialize with other kids.

I can recall that I had a ‘hard time’ making friends simply because of this same point: I don’t want others to ‘disturb’ me, I don’t want to miss out this or that TV show if I go to his/ her house to play – I rather say that  I was sick and that’s why I didn’t go.  And so I always ensured I would only go to/ attend the places and interact with people that I wanted to be and interact with – but when anything or anyone went out of my ‘scheme’ of familiarity, I’d immediately seek ways to not participate, to not have to ‘go there.’

A memory that pops up was for example having outdoors activities at school, wherein kids would enjoy being boy scouts and I just thought of myself as inadequate for all types of outdoor experiences. So, I would push myself to not go at all or only go if it was absolutely directed to school – I really could not fathom how kids would want to spend their Saturdays doing all of that.

 

Sometimes girls would invite me to their houses, or anything else like a party or just going out or something and while they’d be asking me to go there, I would already be wanting to scheme any form of ‘event’ to make an excuse as to why I could not make it – I would rush into saying that I had this or that other class, or that I would be doing something else that would ruin the entire plan.

 

Other specific times is when I had wanted to be ‘left alone’ in relationships, wherein I apparently become too vexed and annoyed by another and in that, start scheming ways to pull myself away, like a literal ‘red flag, someone is about to push your buttons further,’ and as such immediately start getting annoyed by something, creating backchat as clear as ‘I don’t want to speak any longer/ I just want to be left alone’ – which is how I then go into being quiet and finding excuses as to why I should not relate to such person any longer.

 

Even when I was in a moment with ‘established’ friendships and relationships, there would always be a time wherein I just wanted to be left alone, even if I was already quiet habituated to be with them during the day, I would always hit the  introverted mode wherein I would simply remain quiet while backchatting about me wanting to leave home:  how could I get myself out of this situation, can’t he just stop talking, if I say that I don’t want to go then Ill be seen as anti-social, he/ she will take i t personal if I don’t want to go there – I just want to go home

 

Even when I was in supportive environments e.g. the farm I would ‘hit that point’ wherein I just wanted to be alone, like suddenly being ‘fed up’ of being around people and would only project myself into an immediate future of being alone in my room, doors closed, windows closed – no disturbance, silence. This is how the ‘going home’ or being in my room was like my little ‘spot in space’ wherein I could be alone.

And so whenever anything or anyone challenged my routine, ‘my way’ of doing things, my way of dealing with my everyday I would immediately go into a ‘defense mode’ of excuses in order to not go somewhere/ do something that would mean having to go to an unknown place or interacting with new people or doing something new. My home always being that ‘safe heaven’ wherein I could then feel at ease and always yearn to ‘get back to.’ 

So, this manifests even toward people that do not precisely represent a point that I have to ‘run away from’ in physical reality, but simply someone that is clearly being a ‘threat’ to my ‘loner’ character, which I have linked to people suddenly being ‘too close’ to me and I simply deciding that they’re getting ‘too close’ which is how I’ve always kept my bounds to remain the same in my own little routine where nothing moves and nothing changes – thus, the perfect intact trap for myself as my own ego.

 

This will continue…

Desteni I Process 

Desteni

Desteni Forum

 

Cielos-azules

 

Blog Explaining what Backchat is:

 

Life Reviews that I could ‘relate to’ in order to see myself as another:


113. Who am I within Judging Communication?

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to create an expectation about communication with another based on memories wherein I immediately access the ‘who I am’ toward a particular being in a particular situation wherein instead of remaining here as breathe without holding any expectation toward the moment I am experiencing myself in, I immediately expect the same type of communication that I have judged as a ‘routine’ and ‘always the same,’ without realizing that it actually takes two to ‘complete the set up’ of recreating a moment based on playing characters instead of actually being able to stop the pattern and instead create a different scenario wherein we can actually decide who we are within such moments.

 

When and as I see myself going into an immediate future projection of a moment I am about to experience myself in with another being in a particular ‘well-known situation’ and already preparing myself to live out the ‘usual format like communication’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am able to remain here as breath, no expectation toward the moment and as such, support myself to step out of character and break the memory-cycle by actually daring to communicate/ instigate communication within an unconditional starting point wherein I can actually decide to direct/ drive the communication into a new direction that stops the usual repetition we usual ‘fall into’ as human beings with our family/ friends, relationships on a day to day living.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself judge someone for asking the same questions and holding the backchat ‘he/she keeps asking the same questions, always saying the same things’ wherein I simply keep a straight face looking ahead without even attempting to say something ‘out of the format-questions/ answers without realizing that it is me the one that can actually direct the communication to sharing myself and interact with another without acting from the past as memories, and that I actually only dared to backchat about the situation because I feared stepping out of the usual ‘script’ of interaction, just to be ‘safe’ which means that I actually feared ‘losing my usual ground’ as the ‘who I am’ toward such particular beings, and not wanting to share myself with another and be vulnerable in a point of communication – in this fearing actually being judged for what I had to say, or for breaking the unspoken ‘usual ways’ we’ve become so used to interacting with one another.

 

When and as I see myself fearing to share myself and step out of the ‘usual questions’ with another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the one that determines what the communication becomes in any given moment and that I decide and have the faculty to actually dare to open up and step out of character into an actual opportunity to share myself with another in self-honesty.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to judge someone and hold the backchat ‘can he/she not be more open, warm and welcoming?’ without realizing that his is how I victimize myself in a point of communication and creating a character that supports another one’s character within complying to a certain format-like communication that I am certainly not enjoying, yet that I am judging as if I was ‘bound’ to it with no say, which is false as I realize that I can absolutely stand up in that moment and steer the wheel in a new direction that can be actually quite refreshing if we dare to do so.

 

When and as I see myself judging another for not creating/ instigating a point of communication that is open/ vulnerable in the moment, I stop and I breathe. I realize that instead of judging them, I am perfectly capable and able of stepping out of the script and direct the communication the way that I see can create a point of actual interaction to get to share who we are and what we are experiencing ourselves as in the moment, wherein we can create a supportive moment/ interaction for one another, which is what I see and realize this world lacks as we have are so imbued in our own personal judgments as fear toward one another that we rather keep silent instead of actually debunking and exposing our own mindfucks, which is actually quite enjoyable.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to want to and desire to have a ‘comfortable communication/ conversation’ with another yet because of manipulating myself to remain within the ‘parameters’ that we have created through time as memories from the interactions with particular beings in our reality such as family, friends/ acquaintances we believe that ‘it’s always been this way and it won’t ever change’ wherein I go then into the victimized state and self-manipulation of blaming others for not creating a ‘suitable opening’ to really communicate, without realizing that the moment that I go into backchat about the situation instead of actually speaking, I am in fact fearing to break the ‘safe bubble’ of interaction/ communication with another, wherein we both prefer to ‘keep quiet’ because we really fear communicating to one another, as we fear each other’s judgments and ‘stepping out of character’ within the’ who we are/ who we’ve always been’ toward another.

 

When and as I see myself judging a point of communication as dull and restrictive, I stop and I breathe – I realize that the only real restriction is the one existing within me to not actually dare to stop and stir the wheel of the communication in a new and in the moment way, wherein I can actually support myself and another to step out of our characters and really share ourselves for the first time, as I see and realize that we have only kept ourselves this way because we feared ‘stepping out of character.’ Thus I ensure that I am the one that establishes such point of comfort within myself to share myself as within me doing this with and toward myself, I can expand the same application toward another, wherein no judgment is created toward myself or another in the moment, but only focus on being here as two physical beings that are able to communicate unconditionally and/or support each other to eventually be able to communicate unconditionally as I see and realize that one must be the one that ‘breaks the spell.’

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to ever ask questions to others in order to instigate a point of communication out of fear, simply because of fearing that they are actually judging me for being silent – which is a pattern that I created as a child – without realizing that the moment that I am fearing another being silent, I am not being here as breath, but conditioning another’s expression within my own mind-frame of memories as the ‘who I am’ within communication.

 

When and as I see myself fearing another’s silence within a moment that we physically share together, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am judging such silent due to my own past memories of being judged because of being silent and always being pushed to speak – thus I realize that I can or cannot communicate based on a self-honest drive to do so or not.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to Not realize that the only reason why I would either compromise myself to speak or remain silent was only stemming from fear, fear of being judged if I didn’t do so and fear of what they would think about me if I did do it – thus I remain stable here as self and speak in the moment by directing myself to do so or not. I have now seen and realized that it doesn’t matter if I speak or if I don’t speak with another while sharing a moment, such as the typical example of riding with another in a car wherein I have experienced the most ‘restrictive’ situations because I am bound to be with others sharing a space for a certain amount of time – hence feeling compelled to speak, without realizing that I do not require to do so as the desire to do so is actually stemming from the fear of ‘what will they say if I don’t – hence I stop the mindfuck for once and for all and be unconditionally here willing to share myself and willing to remain silent without holding any backchat about it, but just breathing here.

 

When and as I see myself striking a conversation/ asking questions toward another out of fear of remaining silent/ not communicating at all – I stop and I breathe – I realize that I am the one that is able to decide whether I want to communicate or not, and that I can in fact appreciate a moment of just sharing a physical moment with another wherein verbal communication is not always necessary, yet I decide whether I do so or not.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to go into a slight nervousness and anxiety whenever I perceive myself that ‘I don’t know what else to say’ which is actually stemming from the desire to ‘keep the energy up’ within a conversation wherein I am actually wanting to make another comfortable and ‘enjoying the moment’ instead of actually realizing how within wanting to apparently ‘please others,’ I am compromising myself, as I am pushing myself to do something that I in fact do not want to do, but feel somehow ‘obliged’ to do, which is stemming from the childhood memory of me being forced to speak or threatened to be exposed as a shy/ insecure/ hermit type of person if I didn’t do it – hence I would speak just so that I would not be judged by others as a shy, closed and hermit person.

I realize that I do not have to impose my plethora of memories of the past in impose it on the physical reality as the moment that we are living in, wherein I can simply remain silent or continue speaking in the moment without feeling compelled/ obliged or even forced to do so.

When and as I see myself reacting in anxiety or nervousness because of ‘seeing a communication point dying’/ going silent and striking conversations out of fear, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I can actually assess whether there is anything relevant to share in the moment or not, hence I stop fearing stopping a point of communication or remaining silent if there is nothing else to say; within this I stop compromising myself to ‘fill in the gaps’ that I feared as the ‘horroris vacui’ that I’ve created when interacting with another, wherein I have feared them judging me as being ‘short-worded/ laconic and/or introverted’ for not speaking too much, not realizing that there two reasons for this.

  • 1. Because I would assess my own communication with others according to ‘who they are’ within my mind, hence limiting myself to speak and communicate with those that I would deem as being compatible with myself based on personality
  • 2. Because of the memories of my mother pushing me to ‘keep conversations going’ as in keeping a positive attitude and moment, wanting to deliberately make others ‘feel good’ in the moment of communication, making them feel like they’re welcomed, without realizing that this was just the ‘good person’ type of play out wherein I learned from my family to always be charismatic and open/ welcoming toward others as a means o show ‘hospitality,’ without realizing that the starting point of these type of applications is always self interest, to have people / visitors that would come to our house deliberately speaking ‘good things’ about us for being such ‘welcoming, warm hearted people’ that would treat guests very well, which is then actually the typical mechanism of sowing ‘goodness’ to reap ‘goodness/ positive feedback’ in self-interest only.

I realize that I can simply end a conversation the moment there is nothing else to say, and that I can also remain silent with another for example in a car, without compromising myself to ‘keep the conversation going’ out of a dishonest starting point such as fear of being judged for being silent or fear of not being ‘acceptable’ for another. Yet I have realized that I can actually communicate with others and enjoy doing so, once that communication is no longer bound to being only a particular character based on memories of ‘who I am’ toward others, but that I can decide to create an openness and unconditional interaction toward others, wherein I can practically break the cycles of the past by me not playing out the past as myself any longer.

When and as I see myself fearing remaining quiet with another, I stop and I breathe – I realize that I do not require speaking all the time to exist and be here.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that I would always have to create something ‘astounding’ in my life in order to have something to speak about with others, just because I reduced communication to sharing about that which I would be able to categorize as ‘outrageous’ or ‘out of the ordinary’ point, which is how we have conditioned each other to talk about our ‘quests’ in life that are apparently what makes us ‘live’ and be ‘alive’ every day, without realizing that I am in fact only being and becoming a single copying mechanism of others in order to reduce communication to a single story-telling to instigate emotions or feelings within another in order to assess it as a ‘successful communication’ which is being able to instigate within another a sense of enjoyment or even distress to assess that I have in fact established communication, as we have only defined communication as the interactions of our minds, instead of an equal and one unconditional sharing in the moment, without believing that we have to make another ‘feel’ what we ‘felt’ in a certain moment, as I see and realize that such feelings are not part of the physical reality that I can share instead as physical facts and doings, instead of feelings and emotions that seek empathy from another, and dare calling that communication.

 

When and as I see myself to believe that I have ‘nothing interesting to talk about with another,’ I stop and I breathe – I realize we have conditioned each other to believe we can only communicate if there’s ‘something to speak about’ as that which in our minds is ‘more than’ other regular every day events, simply because of how we have conditioned each other to consume memories to share with another as means to prove ‘who’s got the best living experience of both,’ which is how people share each other’s quests and conquers as a means to be adulated or bashed for something, which in the eye of the mind is equally ‘cool’ as an experience is created in both participants, which is unacceptable as this is how we go ‘building our lives’ in means of creating a point of distress or absolute outrageous activities/ situations in order to ‘have something to talk about,’ as we have learned that the most ‘popular people’ are the ones with ‘outrageous/ out of the ordinary’ type of living, which is one of the reasons why we seek to have money in this world: in order to buy ourselves experiences that we can later on share with another in means of being envied or creating jealousy as that makes us feel ‘better’ about ourselves apparently, without realizing the actual system that we are keeping in place wherein not everyone is able to have the same opportunity to have such ‘outrageous lifestyles’ which only reinstate and confirm that we are willing to communicate and even praise those that are wiling to abuse themselves or others in the name of having some ‘good story to tell. ‘

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to think, believe and perceive that being silent is ‘okay’ with another because I have already established a relationship with them, hence not feeling compelled to speak or share because ‘I’ve secured them within my domain,’ which is a usual pattern that would ensue within relationships, wherein the belief of ‘not feeling obliged to speak,’ comes because I believe I don’t require to prove myself to others as being ‘worthy of communicating/ being with,’ which is then actually stemming from the fear of being rejected or being seen as ‘unworthy’ to hang out with/ communicate with, which is how communication because a ‘tool’ for me to only prove that I can be accepted by others, without having realize that I had not even developed the basic understanding of myself and my own mind to see the staring point of my communication as deceptive – thus I realize that it wasn’t really that I ‘enjoyed the silence,’ but I simply associated such moments of silence with a ‘secured relationship’ that I didn’t require to ‘keep up’ because of thinking and believing that I had completed the ‘absolute conquest’ type of application wherein I perceived that I could not ‘lose’ such relationship and that I had them ‘feeing on my hand,’ which is the moment wherein I would actually turn despotic about a relationship, just because of believing that I didn’t have to ‘grow it’ any further, which is actually self-manipulation and desire for control at its finest.

 

When and as I see myself feeling comfortable with another in silence, I stop and I breathe – I actually verify myself to be fully here and ensure that I am not loading any memories or past definitions in the moment and that I am in fact being unconditionally HERE, sharing a physical moment with another wherein words might not be compulsory yet still available when and if there is a requirement to speak. This is then the ability to share a moment with another wherein words are not required for a moment and actually be able to enjoy simply being and breathing.

 

This we can see in the world wherein people talk mostly about their parties, trips, deceptive ways in which they earned a lot of money, the amount of partners they have and the frequency of the sex they have with them, the stuff that is bought – as well as all the negative such as having a ‘bad life’ in any way wherein conversations revolve around blame, self-judgment, guilt, memories that are re-lived in the moment in order to feel depressed about something or someone, which is how we have built and created our relationships with family, friends and colleagues based on being able to tell a ‘nice story’ that they can later on feel either good or bad about, as that is how we have defined our lives to be: either a ‘good’ or a ‘bad’ moment based on our own value-schemes upon a life and reality that is clearly filled with ups and downs that we dare to complain or talk about to either praise or bash, but never actually communicating in order to better the physical conditions in the world that are creating such problem and/or seeing how a cool point can be practically implemented for others as well, simply because we have not yet realized that we are the creators of ourselves in every moment and that we decide who we are and what we remain as or not in every moment of breath here.

 

I realize that communication is an actual cool opportunity to start changing our limited ways of relating to one another based on characters, based on a reality that is restrictive and extremely limited/ conditioned to our own mind-frames – thus in order to start establishing an actual point of change in this world, I realize that words and communication have a very important role that is here in our hands to direct to a best for all outcome. This means that we are the ones that, because we see and understand the current limited frames of what ‘communication is,’ it is our duty to now expand and share and educate each other to see how communication can be different with one another if we simply stop fearing each other and take the opportunity to support oneself and another to see life from a different perspective, wherein communication can actually be self-supportive at all times, wherein we practically stop the same cycles of format-like conversations and protocol-like interactions that only ‘fill in the gaps’ of our actual fear to share ourselves with others – we decide who and what we are toward one another in every moment of breath.

 

Walk the Desteni I Process to establish a self-relationship of establishing a self-honest starting point of communication by first getting to know yourself as your own mind.
Support the Equal Money System to stop compromising each other in relationships of fear that create this entire world system as an entire chain massacre of self-dishonest deeds. Time to Stand as the example of how an actual change in the world begins within ourselves

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This blog is a continuation to:

112. Who am I within Evading Communication?


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