Tag Archives: apocalypse

462. ‘Fake News’ Crackdown Starts Within Ourselves

Or how to take an external problem and start changing it from within first.

It’s been interesting to look at the developments in relation to the media and how there’s been a mainstream media attempt to ‘black out’ alternative media or any kind of news/media that is not coming from ‘the establishment’ and making campaigns to flag it as ‘fake news,’ which is supposed to discredit and now ‘filter out’ news from appearing in social media places like Facebook based on supposed (paid by same establishment, lol) ‘third party’ fact-checkers that will have the power to decide what you get to see on your news feed as ‘real news’ and discard all things that usually represents a threat to the current system as ‘fake news’. So, that’s the latest ‘crackdown’ on people that have conducted investigative journalism in an independent and most of the times crowd-funded manner.

However upon looking at this censorship attempt by ‘the establishment’, I also took it back to myself to see what the word ‘censorship’ means in the without and so in the within of myself. It wasn’t so difficult to realize how it is directly in line with what us, people, tend to usually do whenever we see ‘the truth’ of ourselves coming through as that kind of truth that makes us ‘uncomfortable’, those aspects of ourselves that keep us in a never-ending inner conflict that we constantly try and suppress, shift aside, run away from, shove aside, leave for later to look at – while opting to keep pushing our own actual ‘made-up’ news as the ‘controlled news’ the ‘positive side only’ as our on agenda to keep an idea of ourselves in our minds and believe ‘it’s who we really are’ which is usually – but not always – a ‘better, noble, good’ representation that we like to believe is who we are, that we in fact create about ourselves as ‘our truth’ with which we interact and go with the flow in our reality.

The question is: isn’t this exactly what we see is happening ‘outside’ or in the exterior reality as this ‘alternative media crackdown’ that represents – in some aspects – that truth and real facts that we are usually supposed to remain oblivious of? Because getting to know ‘the truth’ could, in more than one way, start undermining the whole ‘empire’ of control from particular ‘factions’ that run this reality show we are living in. Here, it makes a lot of sense to me to first look within myself before I start judging how ‘bad’ it is that there’s this crackdown on alternative media, and how much ‘deception’ is going on against ‘truthers’ and people that create their own media with a seemingly honest approach.

I looked at how easily we go into victimizing ourselves, always immediately jump into looking for culprits/who to blame and join a pity-party with those that are victimized (and apparently disempowered) about the situation. But, rarely do we ever take that phenomena, that situation happening ‘outside’ of ourselves and look at it from the within.

Here then I can spot ‘censorship’ as self-suppression, self-censorship, hiding and shifting away responsibility, where we hide ourselves from our ‘true facts’ and our ‘real news’ in seeing exactly what’s going on within ourselves and to what extents we can go to sink down to the bottom all of those actual day to day experiences we’re going through as all those emotions, judgments, fears, reactions, destructive behaviors and patterns that we just refuse to look at, refuse to even attempt to change them – we usually don’t want to face them and so we pull out the card of ‘fearing’ all of it as a way to not actually face the truth of ourselves.

Well, this censoring of ourselves is exactly us in our minds, being and body playing our own ‘establishment’ crackdown on all things that represent our truth, our current actual ‘state of affairs’ that we have to work on, open up, face, confront.

What do we do instead? We put up the actual inner fake news as the ‘ideal’ state of being that we play on as a character and in various personalities with which we cover-up the actual – usually – bad experiences, problems, fears, manias, addictions, discomforts we are going through – we keep telling ourselves that ‘we’re alright, that all is under control, that there’s nothing to worry about, that we are happy and joyful’ and repeat it like a mantra attempting to numb down the actual conflictive experiences that in fact seem to grow and grow the more we broadcast our fake news within us… leading us then to a plethora of ‘mental problems’ that are more and more common these days, a lot of them I’d say based on this constant denial of what is HERE as ourselves.

Who is the ‘establishment’ in the within of ourselves in this analogy? One may ask. It is ourselves as our minds, our ‘ego’ if you will which is that part of ourselves in which we have automated our lives to be a ‘never-changing’ and ‘always conflictive’ type of persona that is always juggling with consequences, always going down the ‘downward spiral,’ always giving up to any sort of self-support, always seeking for short cuts/easy fixes and quick ways out of anything that would actually mean getting to know the (uncomfortable) truth of ourselves, to recognize, face and be willing to work with/process through all of those aspects of ourselves that we can in fact face, confront, embrace and (very important!) take responsibility for as parts of ourselves that we can then direct ourselves to actually, genuinely change.

 

See, what is the main factor driving the mainstream media crackdown against so-called ‘fake news’= alternative media/independent media & journalism? Fear of losing control, fear of losing ‘people’s minds’ and guiding everyone to a certain type of information and ‘awareness’ in order to keep the masses following as ‘intended.’

Now let’s go into the ‘within’ of ourselves, what is driving ourselves to suppress/hide/block ourselves from seeing and facing our inner reality in our minds and in our day to day experience? It’s also fear, which is nothing else but a mind/mental defense mechanism that prevents actually ‘cracking down’ our own lies and deception. Fear is nothing else but an experience that can be stopped and transcended once that we realize that there’s no point in holding on to a comfortable (lie) idea of ‘control’ over something that is not genuinely supportive in our lives!

What does this mean? Why do we hide and fear facing the actual truth of ourselves, that nasty, not nice at all, ugly aspects of ourselves and our experiences that we actually know ‘are there’ because it is causing us constant conflict, constant anger, constant depression, constant need for this or that drug or way to ‘ease the pain’? Why do we try and ‘control’ it and ‘ease the pain’ and ‘numb’ ourselves with doing anything and all we can – from drugs, to obsessive compulsive behaviors, to creating destructive relationships, to addictions to entertainment, porn, sports, food and a big ETC. – in order to keep ourselves from actually opening ourselves up, removing the self-censorship to then make a decision, a self-honest decision to Embrace, Understand, Investigate and get to know what we’ve become and so, accept and face our consequences while knowing that we can actually change from it all, how to do this? Self-Forgiveness.

There is nothing else that I’ve found as supportive and all-encompassing as our ability to self-forgive every and all aspects of ourselves that we have in fact created within ourselves, that we have continued to accept, allow and feed in various ways, that we have continued to hide from and ‘fear facing’ when in fact, there’s really no place to hide for real. It’s the same as what the ‘mainstream media’ is facing when it comes to the internet and all the ways in which regular people are building ways to continue propagating the real news, the real facts and push forward ways and means for people to be genuinely informed.

As within, so without. Same has to also happen within ourselves, and I see it happening in fact within many of us where we are no longer that fearful of seeing ‘the truth’ of ourselves and sharing it out, we are becoming more and more open to face that ‘nasty self’ if you will that we don’t have to go into guilt and shame about, but directly and straightforward push ourselves into the process of self-forgiving those points, recognizing our responsibility to our creations and acknowledge the consequences of this massive self-suppression, so that we can then start changing those thoughts, emotions, fears, destructive habits and patterns into self-supportive ways to live, learning how to effectively walk through the plethora of ‘fake news’ we’ve told to ourselves in our minds, all the lies, all the deception, the self-manipulation that each one of us has done to ourselves – and so toward others in our lives – in an attempt to represent ourselves as a ‘fake news’/better version of our reality that is no longer able to be sustained, but is now bursting at the seams so to speak which in other words means: the time is here for all of us to start pulling off that veil from our eyes, from our very own personal reality. This is the real ‘apocalypse’.

And here then is also a note on this necessity to focus more on ourselves, because we loooooove to keep ourselves in the sensationalism manufactured by the elites/establishment or however else we are calling them these days as the ‘controllers’ of it all and see ‘them’ as the problem… lol, the joke is on ourselves of course.

It’s so easy to distract ourselves, dissing the track that we can create to take us back into ourselves, our very own lives that we have to change and take responsibility, instead of keeping participating in the fear and sensationalism that is created precisely on the news to keep ourselves in our minds ‘out there’ entertained, mesmerized, feeling ‘powerless’ to do anything ‘out there’ to change anything …. Really?

That’s why the key is to look within ourselves, and that’s where the real ‘meat’ of this whole process of self-awareness is, because as long as we believe that all that matters is to be ‘well informed’ about the ‘truths out there’, we are still being caught by the balls – sorry but that’s what it is – when it comes to generating actual, real, substantial, long lasting, rooted and self-empowering change.

Therefore, change starts within ourselves for real. It starts when we actually make a firm decision to develop and integrate the principles that we are seeking ‘our media’ to do for us ‘out there’ within our lives first of all. Aren’t we quite hypocritical then when we go asking ‘others’ to do for ourselves something we haven’t even done within ourselves first?

In order to stop feeling ‘powerless’ to change things out there, let’s start with ourselves which is to be honest, even more so developing SELF-honesty as to understand how we create our own experiences, how we are the sole creators of everything we are, have become and will create in the future as well and understand this not as a ‘burden’ or ‘something too big to carry on with’ as a realization, but as an actual point of self-empowerment through taking self-responsibility of it, because it then means we have the actual ability to change things, because it’s about  doing it ourselves to ourselves!

How? Developing self-integrity, self-honesty, self-vulnerability, courage, lots of courage really to let go of the so called ‘fears’ and be willing to grab our own bull by the horns, because: it’s us! There’s really nothing to ‘fear’ except if we wanted to keep a good image of ourselves in our minds (our fake news broadcast) and fear looking at ‘all the bad’ … but, all of that ‘bad’ and ‘negative’ is ourselves in fact! We have to embrace it, we have to face it, we have to dive into ourselves and understand it so as to no further judge ourselves for it, not to go into guilt, regret, shame, remorse and create another ‘trap’ seeing no way out from there either, that’s what this process of Self Awareness at Desteni is for, is here for all of us in humanity to finally ‘wake up’ but not in the form of information and knowledge ‘out there’ to consume every day and then believe that ‘we are informed.’ Nope.

This process is an actual self-investigative journalism that can then become the new ‘media’ as these blogs sharing the keys and support on how to do it yourself. And that is definitely life changing to the point where surely, you will still be able to identify ‘fake’ and ‘real’ news because once one has identified the deception, the lies, the dishonesty within oneself makes it very easy to spot the same ‘on the outside’ – but the most important part is that this reality that we uncover within ourselves and we then take through a process of personal change, growth and expansion becomes something that cannot be banned or ‘removed’ from us, unless we decide to ‘go back into hiding’; it cannot be ‘censored’ by anyone or anything ‘outside of ourselves’ because we are standing as full authors of ourselves in our every thought, word and deed in ways that we realize is best for ourselves and so best for all in equality. That is what real power means to me really, and that’s what I call real change as well, where that simple decision to not ‘follow through’ our usual experiences, our ‘usual thoughts’, our selfishness, our emotions in fact becomes the real ‘revolution’ if you will, one that no ‘elite’ or no ‘media establishment’ can ever get to censor or ‘black out’, because it is within ourselves! We will then become our real, self-honest, integral self as our new nature that will in turn – with time and new generations to come – create the new media that we all know is most beneficial to have, no longer existing as ‘fringe or alternative’ but as the ‘new normal’.

And that’s how we take one problem manifesting in the ‘outside’, take it back to ourselves to ‘fix’ it and correct it, align it and take responsibility for within ourselves, so that then it becomes – as we go and in a parallel mode – the new creation, the new expression that we can collectively create once that more and more people start living this inner-process of change at the same time.

I invite you to start this process today, it takes writing, it takes your absolute will and decision to investigate your fake news and real news, it takes dedication to change yourself, to help yourself, to be that one point that no longer feels satisfied with ‘getting truths’ out there, but that sees there’s some inner-work to do in order to change the without.

Join in!

 

My favorite supportive audio to understand self-suppression and a MUST Hear:

 

If you’d like some support in preventing and being 1+ person that stands up for life in a practical day to day living manner, check out:

 

Control

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391. Noah’s Revelations

I went to watch Noah the other day mostly because I had read some reviews from angry Christians about it and so I was curious to watch it for the sake of understanding what the fuss was about.  I usually like Aronofsky’s work and this wasn’t the exception.

 

Noah

 

What I liked the most is the ability to place into question the general belief-system surrounding the benevolent god that Christianity in this case is meant to be founded upon; sometimes it seems that all the actual killings, sacrifices and atrocities that God commands to people throughout the bible have gone unnoticed just because of it being the sacred book that defines our image and likeness, an image and likeness that as human beings we’ve tried to hard to avoid and prevent looking at, our own ‘spell to ward off our darkness’ which in terms of religions, any fault to god is a punishment acquired without ever questioning God and its commands themselves.

 

So, before discovering Desteni I could not make sense of how this God figure operates or how people would generally perceive it, since it was supposed that god is meant to be loving, caring, merciful being…. however we only have to look at our creation, our image and likeness we have become wherein our own creations speak for themselves in terms of ‘who we are’ and we are annihilating life in the name of beliefs, ideas, experiences, delusions of progress wherein our real god is money itself – and the bible is the code for this reality, how to submit to the idea that one can only get access to life if one sweats the brow all day to earn it… figure it out how we are still living in a system that is based on a biblical scheme, and somehow we haven’t yet questioned that either.

 

The reason why I find it so relevant to talk about the movie is because throughout the story, one of the pivotal points demonstrated is  that all human beings have this inherent evil as the image and likeness of the creator – and this is by far the most necessary yet obviously shocking acknowledgement for the light-hearted since it is only through the realization that if we are the image and likeness of our creator, then our creator wasn’t such ideal, merciful and benevolent being that this god/creator was taught to be to be for all religious people, including myself wherein I early on also wanted so bad to believe on something, until I stepped into the realization of the fallacy this was early on in my teens. To me it was kind of obvious that there was something inherently wrong in this world with me having to believe in a god that only cared about a ‘few’ to live very well and leave the rest to suffer with only being able to resort to ‘praying’ to make things better in this world, which is an equivalent of sitting, doing nothing, waiting and feeling sorry for myself and every person that suffers in this world. I consider that the ever-gnawing question of ‘why do we have to suffer/ why is there so much suffering in this world?’ that drove me to get to answers might still be a question that many prefer to ward off to not see and realize the inevitable, the actuality of who we are and our real nature that we had attempted to vehemently cover up with lots of ‘love’ and ‘light’ and words that we attach with ‘good feelings,’ trying to always see the ‘bright side’ without first acknowledging the dark side, the real core of our being.

 

8. Fin de la Ilusión

 

It is essential for us to realize this ‘evil’ within each one of us as that’s the first point to step outside of the bubbly cloud of being ‘the perfect godly creation’ and instead realize that if we are created at this god’s image and likeness, then we sure are no perfect loving peaceful doves, consequently nor was ‘him’ either, and this movie is able to place in full bloom this aspect of our human nature which is lived through by Noah where he has to then decide upon following the ‘word of god’ or act in the best interest of all. Suddenly this ‘god’ that never talks back becomes a great diatribe in Noah’s mind, a struggle in itself when he sees himself having to choose between ‘Him’ and the love/consideration he has for his own family.

One of the huge ‘weights’ that were lifted off of my back was to stop believing in a god, to be afraid of a god, to believe I had to please a god or else I’d be damned somehow for not completing my ‘chosen path’ that I believed existed for me to complete in this Earth. I too once believed this god was real and that I had to seek such ‘godliness’ that exists as part of religious theory books that I saw nowhere being applied in practical, physical reality – but rather the total opposite is what I witness from some of the heads of religious sects where I studied in school. So, as the song goes, I once was lost and blind but not I see and so throughout walking this process within Desteni, I was able to understand the design of religion, the design of god as the symbols to avoid and excuse our own irresponsibility, our own abdication to be self directive in our lives, our own substitutes for ‘love’ as an energetic experience that we become addicted to and believe that that is all that we have to ‘aim’ for in this world, while having to struggle at all times for survival. This is the foundation of the Catholic religion I am familiar with.

 

I can now say for sure that the outrage that some Christians have created around the movie is simply based on the shock-factor that they are exposed to when considering it as ‘anti-biblical’ and a rather a so-called ‘satanic version of Noah’s story’ when in fact it is to realize the nature of who we are and have become in fact, and we are certainly not entirely different from all that mass of people that got wiped off of the Earth with the great deluge. We’re hitting again that time in our existence wherein each tree that is cut, each crop that is genetically manipulated, each bee that dies,  each air molecule that is made unbreathable adds up to our very near demise if we don’t actually stop, or come to be stopped by consequence, and so that’s why I also consider it’s a relevant moment to watch it and hopefully more people are able to see beyond the ‘fable’ that it’s meant to be and rather turn it into a very real and applicable self-reflection process to see whether we have in any way changed as human beings, what has been missed? why are we still the same greedy evil beings that were wiped out during Noah’s times? Why haven’t we been able to change or have we? Because we create our reality as the image and likeness of how each one of us exists as the mind. This is why no attempt to ‘change the world’ is successful as we haven’t yet ‘tackled’ the actual problem which is not God missing all the prayers, but ourselves not doing the actual work required to sort out ourselves and our creation.

 

This is It

 

To all the people that have watched Noah and are ready to make peace with the fact that we weren’t created by a white merciful loving dove of a god that cares about his creation, then I suggest researching Desteni as this is the necessary step to understand why everything looks like hell on Earth at the moment, and how no matter which phase of history we look at, we as human beings haven’t evolved an iota and only now we have the potential to veer the course toward which we are currently heading at which is starkly said: self destruction. This begin within being able to walk through the god construct, the religious constructs, the spirituality constructs with which we have fueled our minds of nice experiences, hopes, prayers and good feelings in an attempt to only wait that such ‘nice energies’ have any effect to solve the very real and physical problems in this world.

 

The problem is: we have missed our responsibility for our creation, we have missed the point all along: we all have been here from the beginning and as such there is no god as such but only ourselves as creators and creations that have abdicated any responsibility to who we are as Life, and instead replaced our realizations  with fears, with excuses, with justifications, with ‘greater powers’ and ‘superior abilities’- never realizing how in every bit we defined ourselves in separation from God we separated ourselves from our real potential, our real responsibility and our real directive principle to become the individuals that we already know would make of this world-system a genuine living place in this world.

The mind is currently our god, our own darkness we tend to veil with positivity, gods, faiths, spiritualties and hope, the actual evil, the point of separation that we are here to stand up and take responsibility for in order to align ourselves to a living principle that we can all be certain will change the nature of who we have been up to now and as such, change the nature of our relationships and our current systems with which we’ve governed ourselves.

If a person goes into denial after watching Noah, they are already making a decision to keep believing in an illusion because they are not willing to face the ‘dark side’ which is not really ‘dark’ in itself, it’s only been kept aside to not face the reality of who we are and have become, which is the first step to then decide to begin conducting oneself to live and apply the tools and principles to become a living human being that is self-responsible, that learns how to care for others as we would like to be care after ourselves, that learns how to cultivate real love as work made visible, the work that benefits us as human beings to step outside of our massive black hole of which we are at the cliff of if we don’t stop and change our minds to recognize and honor the life that lives and exists within each one of us.

Happy Easter

 

“There is no truth. There are only relationships. You either are part of what is best for all in all ways or you are in self interest and allows harm to exist in the name of your personal happiness. This is the Alpha and the Omega of this world. The ultimate truth. The ultimate choice. and You decide who you are and that determines the outcome of each individual. The universe is a group and if you are not able to be part of the group, you can work out for yourself what will be the consequence”

 

“The foundation of the truth of Here will only be uncovered with Self Honest Self Forgiveness. Only those strong enough as individuals will fathom self honesty and will live self forgiveness. Ego will never grasp the simplicity of the message of Desteni”Bernard Poolman 

 

The Great Wave 09

 

 

Suggest to watch this hangout to hear about the truth of us hiding behind religions, spirituality and any other belief and how to walk toward real responsibility toward life and oneself as life:

 

Mindblowing interviews:

 

To learn more on how we can become common sensical and supportive co-creators of our reality, visit:


246. Why do we Seek to Escape this World through Emotions?

Continuing from:

So, quoting the post where I got the self support

Update on Music Post, June 1, 2008

Marlen wrote:
What I’ve experienced is some tingling, mostly like goosebumps when i listen to certain songs.. but this might be mindfuck as well… hmm it’s as if ants walked within my body and extended through it all. Don’t’ know why this happens but i used to have it before as well. But this time specific with music. So would like perspective because if i have to stop it I will… just to know where it comes from thanks

Answer:
The sensation experienced here Marlen, is when a physical manifested memory construct system – ‘activate’ within hearing the sound and words.

When this occurs – observe your mind and the thoughts that arise, as the thoughts as memories will pertain to the physical manifested system within and as you – which has become you, which has formed part of your self-definition of the mind.

Margot

 

So, the Self Forgiveness in the last post indicated an actual self-revelation of once again just another personality/ character defined by the type of likes and fascinations I created out of some initial fear or energetic relationship to specific situations and music, such as the end of the world/ death and mostly a perspective upon the world being fucked, never realizing that I was the only one that was accepting and allowing it to be so and rather victimizing myself about it, complaining about it without ever even considering how I could stand as the change within myself instead of seeking it outside of me.

 

If we take a look at our entertainment – whether is music, arts, TV, magazines, books, any ‘high culture’ type of hobbies and virtually anything for that matter is part of the same industries that are only seeking after money to remain with a certain spot within our world system, a perfect world system for slaves that seek to ‘get away’ from reality for a while which is the first and most important condition that exists in order for anyone to not question the system, to not question their jobs as long as holyweekend rewards of getting wasted and laid are in place as an obligatory sacrament in order to feel ‘alive’ as the renewal of the mind consciousness system’s life is rebooted by an extensive participation in the mind as energy. And I’m merely describing what goes on and what I see/witness every single weekend around here.

The same goes with any other form of spirituality for example, seeking a holy good-doer experience within some form of ritual or religious encounter wherein they get probably the same chills/ ecstatic experience that I do while watching some bombs obliterating the Earth to the music of Godspeed You Black Emperor, and I mean I understand this can be judged as rather insensitive, but it’s just within the understanding of how a point of fear is turned into a fascination. So, it is simply about revealing what is here and look at our personal self definitions with regards to images and sounds – if anything makes you feel ‘good’ or temporarily ‘high’ and ‘out of your senses,’ problem since it indicates we are only running as a mind and are not being the directive principle of our beingness. If there was no such ecstatic experience within the music I heard, would I have been so imbued into it? Probably not – the same can be applied to anyone that has created an energetic bond to virtually anything in this world – because as we’ve said many times: we’re all addicts and have not fully grasped what our addictions are causing at a global level.

 

So in essence, this point of music as any other form of energetic experience reminds me one thing every time: what am I willing to participate in just for the sake of an energetic experience? and because of this, I had actually prevented me from travelling across the city and spending money on tickets and rides there to get a ‘nice memory’ such as going to concerts, which became like a self-religion to be there and acting out of memory, because out of the several hours I had to spend travelling and waiting, all the money on tickets and rides would be a lot more than the hour and a half that the hype happened. If it was easier to go, I would not see it as a problem, nor would I judge it, but I am specifically looking at what cost do I go and seek for these experiences, not necessary.

 

I have been watching several documentaries on drugs because I can see how every single person that is a hard-core drug addict is seeking for this ‘something’ to feel to fill some apparent void. I was ‘lucky’ to be fearful of taking any hard drugs, feared consequence so much that I simply avoided that, but became aware of the temptation that exists whenever you believe you lack some spice in your life. It’s quite hard to look at methamphetamines and the current deadly addiction they represent, literally people just hooking up on it in the first hit. And this seems to be the decay that I have been focusing on, because this is precisely the ‘I want to give up’ attitude that leads us to seek an end of the world scenario while making of anything in your life your greatest ‘hit’ and high, either through legal or illegal drugs, music, sex, buying, killing, eating, exercising, painting, walking, stealing, consuming anything and anyone just for one single moment of pleasure.

This accumulation of Self Interest is what has lead us to what we have become now: top consuming addicts that will do whatever it takes to keep up with a hedonist lifestyle that disregards where all of these little ‘treats’ come from. Certainly we are so narrow minded that we believe that everything that we consume is somehow ‘safe to use’ and perpetuate because we blatantly believe that because it being sold in your supermarket/ regular shops, it is ‘probably’ tested and safe to use by people, and it is most likely non-harmful and bio-friendly type of product, of any kind for that matter. Really?

 

We’ve bought so many lies just to maintain our little happy world-play running at the expense of life on Earth and the lives of billions of beings that are either starving, absolutely neglected by any form of care or regard or working 3/4 of a day just to make enough money to stay alive and produce the the lifestyle that we are so proud of as technological advancements and any other ‘improvement’ that is only available for those with money and can only be produced by those that are forced to remain as slaves to make it happen. That’s our reality – and that’s what sustains any form of personal-interest as entertainment or a fleeting moment of escapism, without realizing that we should not even be seeking to ‘escape’ or ‘get high’ if we could all agree to make of this world a suitable living space for all beings equally, with unconditional resources to ensure life is honored as oneself.

 

 

From Energetic Fixes to Self Expression

Now, how to turn such experience of music/ painting into Self Expression? Me making a decision to hear music or participate in any other activity that involves any form of creative process, being here breathing and enjoying the sounds for what they are and that’s it. It is definitely something that for a drunk would mean having to drink beer without alcohol, but as I said, I cannot allow myself to enslave me to a single point of energetic experience that I would actually be quite a seeker of. I have already spent too much money in the past going to concerts just because of that feeling and experience, only to every time end up saying: next time, I’ll remind myself that it’s not worth it- but not really learning since there’s always this hope that I’ll have a good time. Last time I did, I danced around while being perfectly sober which was cool but I realize that I can as well put some music on and dance and jump around – no difference since the entire exhilaration of seeing a band live is mostly an energetic experience in the mind that turns just into this one experience that one can say ‘I’ve been there’ and that’s it. We can look at all other points in our life we conduct in a similar manner, just for a little excitement there can be lots of money and time spent, sometimes even getting in risky situations or travelling across the city at night which I’ve done in my case, not the most suitable option just to follow-through with a desire.

In terms of the self-definition, I can see that at the moment it’s not so much about me defining myself according to that music, it is just that energetic experience that comes up with and while listening to certain music, but I’ll have to walk this as I go since there are several types of music, several voices, sounds that I essentially saved in my memory for various reasons. If I would have to walk through each and every single music video I adopted something from, It would take me a thousand posts. So, it is a matter of breathing through the energetic thrill, see what thoughts came up, which is not so much a thinking any more but a remembrance of a personality, which implies I have to ‘go back’ and see what that song was about, what ‘era’ of my life does that song represent and walk the self forgiveness, because it is really uncomfortable not being able to be fully directive here when such experiences arise, I mean, it’s just like when you’re cold and you suddenly get chills – same point here, but the chills come even if I am not cold per se. It can only indicate layers I have to work with in relation to these ingrained personalities and yes, it is mostly like suddenly having to take the make up off the face when it comes to these points that I had kept nice and safe, without realizing to what extent I am still controlled by it since they meant my ‘get away’ from reality.

This is a point to consider for me every time that I simply miss myself breathing here and start accumulating this search for something to be entertained with. How I have dealt with it is simply physically doing the stuff I actually have to do, moving faster than the mind’s complains about it and that’s ok, however not applied to everything equally, which is the point to direct. However, I also have learned not to condemn everything that I would do for a moment of entertainment. As Anu said once, we would go crazy without those bits of entertainment, so it’s just to be aware of me not reloading the entire personality that I have created through, for example, listening to music and doing particular activities that are as simple as walking and deifying a particular color in the sky, but remain here as breath within the realization that in doing so, I am honoring myself and actually being self directive at all times within the experience.

I realize that every time that I deliberately take myself to a point of escapism through watching/ hearing something mostly is rather a red flag indication of what is it that I am not willing to face and direct within my reality – and as such I have to instead prioritize what I have to do instead of creating further judgments about it and creating a struggle between having to ‘do my responsibilities’ but wanting a moment of entertainment. The easy way through that is by agreeing to simply leave any form of entertainment for the end after I’ve covered all the points, or most of them that required immediate direction. Otherwise, backchat accumulates and then it’s just harder to get out of that inertia – for that I suggest reading Maya Rot’s blog Day 118 – Physics and the Desteni Process – Newton’s First Law of Motion – the Principle of Inertia to understand what it physically means to Move as a physical being in self-willed manner.

 

 

 

So, how can I turn this point of self interest to a best for all interest?

Stopping seeking only my personal satisfactions, seeking ‘a way out’ of my responsibilities in this world and instead direct me to implement a world system that I can be genuinely proud of having contributed to create. That’s what I have realized is what I’m here for and any form of entertainment can be seen just as that,  a moment wherein I do something else without defining myself according to it – obviously within the consideration of not harming myself/ anyone and considering at all times not enhancing these moments through energy, but physicalize it as part of the activities that I can give myself time to enjoy for a moment and that’s it.

 

If we create a world that is suitable for living in all aspects, everything we have deemed as our personality with specific traits that would exist as a form of rebellion toward the ‘establishment’ as I have done, will simply not exist. Now figure out all the entertainment industries that will have to be reconfigured to simply be an available point of expression wherein there is no more money involved or any other angst involved behind an expression, but simply being an actual available part for our personal development without having to make it a separate ‘profession’ or ‘career’ as I did in my case, studying art just because of not wanting to be part of everything that I judged this world system to stand for: abuse of life, never asking me how in my personal endeavors to seek ‘my way out’ I also neglected any form of reality and sought only my self interest wherein only ‘I’ could ‘feel good’ about myself and never even questioning what I was supporting with money and my participation in due to only seeking to exert my opinions and ‘way of looking at life’ without any consideration of the actual life as all the living beings that surely get neglected every time we only seek an energetic fix, which is the negligence to deliberately stop here.

 

What matters is existing as the consistency of myself here as a 1+ person that is committed for life to generate a world wherein who we are won’t exist as personalities that oppose, compete and spite each other, but work together and learn how to coexist to make life on Earth a point we want to Live in, and never again seek to destroy or turn into an energetic-factory machine for our personal delights and mindfucks.

 

– I’ll continue with some more considerations of our ‘doomsday’ personalities, the desire to End the world instead of taking responsibility for it and we’ll have a look at the Actual doomsday that is being generated by you and I every single day within our participation in this world system wherein Life is certainly not regarded at all.

 

 

 

 

Watch:

 

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Interviews:


243. The Sublime and the End of the World

While listening to the Doomsday Activist Life Review, I realized that I had precisely gone for the exhilaration and experience of having a certain moment wherein ‘something’ had to happen in this world  as an ultimate doomsday scenario/ Armageddon type of event, because there were just ‘too many points converging into the same day’ that it was almost undeniable that something would happen, but what? I actually thought for a moment that consciousness would cease to exist that day  – lol – and before Desteni, I thought it was time for a major catastrophe that I simply ‘dreamed of.’

 

“So, it’s interesting that, it has never been Questioned: “Why are there so many different, varying “One’s” and each One believe itself to be “the Right One.” I mean, all the different Prophecies/Predictions cannot ‘materialize’ Simultaneously…with some believing in Ascension, others Jesus coming, others The End of the World by a physical/natural Occurrence and all the different Prophecies/Predictions are aligned with a particular Spirituality/Religion/Movement/Science and each one of those believe themselves to be “the Real Deal”. That, within this – human beings have not seen, realised and understood what all these “the One’s / Chosen One’s” have in common: they abdicate All Responsibility of Individual Human Beings to/as what ‘life on earth’ is/has become, and facilitate more as a distraction and preoccupation from/of Self-Responsibility, Life Responsibility to/as this Physical Existence.” – Sunette Spies *

 

To understand this point better and how I made of ‘The End of the World’  ‘my theme’ and favorite topic is looking also at some of the artwork that I made, which was mostly doomsday-like which I explain here  2008 Paintings portraying slavery of system and can be reviewed at the top of this blog in the Artwork section.

 

Even after a while I kept doing the same thing, doing series of different characters that would end up being part of this depiction of the end of the world, which reveals how much I was truly expecting it, desiring it, making it a recurrent topic and driving-force to be ‘creative’ just because I would get a kick out of it. This is what I could Identify as Sublime after reading Heaven’s Journey To Life blog that I will quote later on.

 

According to Schopenhauer and the ‘types of sublime’ I will be looking at are:

  • Sublime – Turbulent Nature. (Pleasure from perceiving objects that threaten to hurt or destroy observer).
  • Full Feeling of Sublime – Overpowering turbulent Nature. (Pleasure from beholding very violent, destructive objects).

 

According to E. Burke: “With his Philosophical Enquiry into the Origin of our Ideas of the Sublime and Beautiful (1757) Edmund Burke defined canonically its aesthetical prominence as the satisfaction arising from the removal of an imminent threat.” – Wiki Entry on Sublime

 

Last Man on Earth

Last Man on Earth 2009

 

I’ll place one ‘static example.’ This is the last man on Earth. And I would usually depict people having One eye closed, probably depicting that we have always deliberately ‘played blind’ to not see what we are doing to each other and this world, and this man as the last man on Earth turned eventually one-side blind as a result of having neglected reality. It also expresses the shame and regret about what we’ve done. His appearance is deliberately depicting our self consumption when living for the ideals of the ‘who we are’ in the mind– his clothes denote a battered ‘elitist lifestyle’ that has gone through trials and tribulations, some sort of survival point upon the death of the rest of humanity and animas. He’s standing upon a thousand words yet he seems to have nothing to say but his heart is beating and his lungs seem in a good state – he is alive. His hands have turned into the symbol that depicts life, he might be able to start from scratch to create a new world that supports life in Equality, if he can forgive himself past all the regret.

 

Continuing from:

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to use the ‘end of the world scenarios’ as a source of excitement and exhilaration due to the actual fear that I would have with regards to witnessing an ‘end of the world’ scenario, without actually taking into consideration what such ‘end’ would mean and how it is that we would be in essence drawing ourselves back to zero and actually miss out the opportunity to use what is already here as this world and simply give it direction within a new consideration, a new path which is Life in Equality,  and within this: there is no need to destroy/ obliterate the world, but we can simply agree to slowly but surely go stopping our current ways in which we are existing as world-system and civilization and consider new ways of living wherein we can start regarding the environment/ the ecosystem as an actual living being equal and one to ourselves, and within that, establish solutions so that we stop the mass extinction, abuse and exploitation of life in the name of our personal benefits as ‘progress’ and ‘evolution’ that is only the result of us disregarding life and using it to power up our mind-realities of what ‘advancements’ are supposed to be like, disregarding the fact that the life of human beings, animals, plants is not taken into consideration when only using what is here in the name of power/ success/ evolution that is in fact only the evolution of the mind, not life quality. This also implies that I only used this ‘hype’ to tag along and generate an entire personality based on this ‘death and destruction’ ideals, simply because it is so much easier to hope for the end of the world than actually doing something to sort it out and create a new start for all.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to rejoice and get excited about a possible ‘something’ happening in 2012 in order to wake up humanity, and expecting some form of cloudy messy doomsday on a particular date, without realizing that within such waiting it is only a distraction and entertainment to not look at the reality that is already here and pretty much existing  in a doomsday scenario, wherein the billions that have no support from the system to live in dignity live a doomsday on a daily basis – within this (Watch ‘In Heaven everything is fine’ video below.)

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to romanticize this ‘end of the world’ for my own entertainment and ‘delight’ as that expectation and getting a kick out of participating in imagination as all sorts of pictures and end of the world scenes that I would simply dedicate myself to paint, because I wanted to in one way or another be able to ‘predict’ what would happen and as such, also depict myself as one of the last standing on Earth, being a ‘chosen one’ which is the actual desire that I had and wanted to fulfill as a self-prophecy that I wanted to witness, no different to me being expecting a certain ‘event’ such as a concert or a trip and generating the same amount of expectation and excitement about it, which proves to what extent I actually disregarded what such pain and suffering really Is and only made images about it for the sake of propelling my own fascinations as the actual fear that I had toward witnessing some form of ultimate destruction on Earth – which is what I will have to go through as what I in fact experienced. Sublime experience.

 

Now, I suggest reading HOPE – The Metaphysical Carrot: DAY 237

and specifically HOPE – the Metaphysical Carrot (Part 3): DAY 239 

 

I left a comment there with the following realization:

Concepts like the ‘sublime’ have become clear through reading this, which is something I would link to 2012 in the past, all of this from the branch within philosophy and aesthetics of an image/painting that would cause you this ‘sublime experience’ as an actual fear turned into a point of attraction/ rejoice – which is also what Mykey explained in #9 Demons in the Afterlife Interview – all makes sense now.

Here I share some on this point from the Wiki entry on sublime:

“Burke’s treatise is also notable for focusing on the physiological effects of the sublime, in particular the dual emotional quality of fear and attraction noted by other writers. Burke described the sensation attributed to the sublime as a “negative pain” which he called delight, and which is distinct from positive pleasure. Delight is taken to result from the removal of pain (caused by confronting the sublime object) and is supposedly more intense than positive pleasure.”http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sublime_(philosophy)

So essentially, same mechanism of ‘hope’ but sublime is more focused even more so just on the energetic experience in itself, without any form of ‘change’ but plain delight/ pleasure and all of that which is caused when looking at terror from afar. What a great mindfuckistic reality we have created. It is definitely time to stop.

 

I cannot say anything else but, this is an entire energetic experience that I had been quite keen on, the point of turning a fear into a fascination and the ‘end of the world’ is one of the fascinations I cultivated ever since I was probably a 5 years old or so when I wanted to be alien abducted with my dad, lol which is precisely what I describe in that video, later on fueled by songs like ‘Spaceman’ by Babylon Zoo – lol. Now, I am reviewing this just to see to what extent we can turn fears into fascinations and even more so, making it a point of pleasure/ excitement/ exhilaration and entertainment/distraction for MY personal experience, MY satisfaction, MY own delight, MY inspiration, depressions and general lack of desire to live, simply because of being subsumed in this ‘I want it all to end’ type of self-experience, just an absolute victimization that has permeated my being till this very day, as I see that any form of ‘lack of drive’ is just because I am not feeding anymore my usual energetic experiences that I had linked to a constant ‘looking forward’ to the future, but instead, the hereness that I am integrating myself as is experienced as a junky going on rehab, that’s what is ‘tough’ about this process and this is but one aspect of what I will be ‘withdrawing’ from.

 

Even the music that I listened to like Godspeed You Black Emperor – my favorite band within the schemes of my last ‘music junky’ fanatic phase –  I could define as this type of ‘Sublime’ / End of the world experience- you can read their story here for the first time told by themselves, since they are the type of people that would rather not speak at all but ‘let their music speak’ and have a look at the type of mentality I was absolutely drawn to, which became my inspiration on a daily basis within my life some 6 years ago.  I’ll leave a couple of videos I made with their music at the end of this blog.

 

When placing all of this little world of my own fascinations into perspective of the actual reality that is going on, I see that I am still drawn to this ‘romantic’ side of reality instead of focusing on the actuality of what is here and focusing not on cultivating further experiences I might get from music or arts in this doomsday-everything is fucked-vein for that matter, but focusing on actual reality considerations that I can educate myself on in order to stop any form of personal-endeavors to cultivate my fascinations instead of taking Self Responsibility for what is here.

 

So I’ll be walking this ‘branch’ of my artistic personality related to the sublime specifically and end of the world/lack of desire to live in blogs to come. This is what happens when a single character such as the ‘tormented artist’ in reality justifies absolute irresponsibility that becomes a morbid fascination and delight and see it as ‘okay’ it is an aesthetic category, it’s okay to cultivate it. Good for you, little artist.

 

Must Read Blogs:
 

Interviews:

 

My End of the World video creations:


156. Can we be Benevolent in any way?

What is the quote that allowed me to understand Self Honesty?

 

“Self honesty is not nice or beautiful”- Bernard Poolman 

 

And this was already over 4 years ago, wherein I realized that I was certainly Not going to be ‘in for a ride’ to make myself ‘feel good’ or ‘be better’ or ‘gain’ anything within this process that could be mistaken/labeled as ‘personal improvement’ or any other point like that to vaingloriously elevate ourselves above others in this hierarchical system in an elaborate mind-delusion  of ‘betterment,’ No.

This process is actually going inside our own self-created hell for a ride and walking through it until we’re eventually done taking the ‘heat’ that we produce with our own friction as ‘the problem’ that we seem to have become so used to having as human beings: inner conflict, ‘mental instability,’ self esteem problems, social-dysfunctions, inability to create proper relationships, being pathological liars and cheaters, greedyall existing in our minds as ‘our nature,’ that we try and hide all the time through creating/ keeping a ‘good face’ and ‘positive attitude’ toward the world/ others for our own benefit. This is how we can simply look within ourselves every single time that we’ve made ourselves believe that we are ‘good’ and ‘good hearted’ or even sometimes, climbing up a serious delirium about being ‘a savior’ of some kind –yes like the thousands of self-proclaimed Jesuses and Antichrists that play the same role when it comes to ‘saving humanity’ which is nothing else but another ‘Sign of the Times’ where we’re facing the actual reality of who we are as our own mind.

 

What does this mean?

 

That this process that we’re walking of Self Honesty implies getting to see the nitty-gritty-dirty and gruesome aspect of ourselves, and I am deliberately using these words because they are in fact the consequence that we have accepted and allowed ourselves to be and become from the moment that we accepted ourselves to only be ‘our mind,’ and the mind standing as and only for its own survival. This is plain evident in on the daily news that we are sharing within the Capitalism vs. Equal Money Group in Facebook that I suggest you check out as well, which encompasses the outflows of this mind-possessed reality as our current world system that is certainly unsustainable and must be realized as such in order for us to in fact take responsibility for it, which is what the Equal Money System implies within this process as well.

 

Now, ‘selfishness’ is the word that comes to mind and in the dictionary as well, which pointed out Egomania, a topic I had briefly written about before and the definition of the dictionary I consulted read: “Extreme self interest” and that’s essentially what we have become. This world is our reflection as egomaniacs, because if we in fact cared about ‘the Whole’ as who we are, we would have already changed the current system that is built as the image and likeness of who and what we have become within the idea of ‘As long as I am alright, I don’t care about the rest’ – and this becoming the blueprint to promote even more exacerbated states of selfishness/ egomania motivating our every move, our every word, every thing we consume, think and act upon during the day is motivated by this desire to always ‘get the most of the cake.’

Hence walking in Self Honesty this process is actually daring to see the true-workings behind seemingly ‘benevolent’ tasks or ‘good deeds’ during the day, which maybe you as I , as human beings that accepted ‘the positive’ as this supposed noble-quality of ourselves (yeah, right) without actually daring to see how in wanting to ‘do good’/ be good toward others, we have in fact neglected our ‘equality and oneness’ to only take our claws out and scavenge it all for our own benefit, while being willing to ‘exterminate’ any form of opposition and competition that prevents us from ‘getting what we want.’ And, what we have recently realized as Desteni is that fears actually were cover ups for this realization of Self Interest being the Force that moves us all which means that all points of fears are actually stemming from a desire, want and need to get something for ourselves/ our Own benefit.

Within Fear, we remain as ‘victims’ which somehow within our minds makes us seemingly ‘not responsible’ for what we define ‘Happens to us’ instead of us realizing how we are Creating it as ourselves. I mean, it’s become even like a spoken language malfunction – an example is whenever I have caught myself saying ‘This happened to me’ instead of saying ‘I created this point within myself/ I allowed this to happen in my reality/ I was unaware when doing this and so I created that’ – which is an absolute point to turn the tables and see that we have in fact been ‘the source’ of all our evil and malice naively called ‘bad luck’ as well.

 

So, if anyone has any concept about the Apocalypse or judgment day being this glorious sublime type of scenario with some red skies and some gigantic planet hitting the Earth to eradicate it all… well, I must be the one that debunks such parody – which was my own at some point as well – and instead look at what it is that we are in fact doing within/ as ourselves: facing the actual evil nasty and venomous creatures that we have become, that our Real Self Revelation.“What? Me? Nooo, Never! I am such a good person, I’d never do ANYTHING like that!’

Well, it’s time to stop kidding ourselves about our apparent ‘benevolence’ and instead, dare to walk our own evil within the understanding that good/ bad can only sustain a morality construct that in no way supports Life – and instead we ‘keep in mind’ that there is an actual True Principle we can guide and direct ourselves by: what is best for all in all ways, at all times as a declaration of who and what we are here to establish ourselves as, because we’ve Never been living under such principle, at all. This is how and why the material as the Reptilian Series, the Atlanteans and the Secret History of the Universe have been of great support to understand that we in fact are in a crucial time in this existence, on this planet to – for Once and for All – establish ourselves as the living-realization of how this existence and real life can only emerge if we in fact consider each other as equals, and all Evil within ourselves is walked within this process of Self Forgiveness in Self Honesty.

 

We are here to Breathe and realize that it is not to take this point personal either or creating YET another reaction/ character toward seeing our “gruesome” aspects, it is about finally understanding that unless we embrace the totality of who we are – which practically means: getting to know ourselves as our mind and walking the good and the bad through Self-Forgiveness and Self-Honesty with Self Corrective Application, we won’t get ourselves ‘out of this.’

We are prepared to do this, because we have the tools, we are a group that supports each other to do this as well, as we have seen and walked for ourselves what a ‘breakdown’ this may cause at some points when realizing that everything we have ever believed ourselves to be was not in fact ‘real’ as it was never built upon an equal and one understanding of ourselves as the mind, as the physical, as energy, as substance, as our physical body and existence as a whole. 

 

This is thus looking at the ‘greater picture’ which is something I suggest ‘keeping in mind’ in order to walk this process unconditionally, as I have seen and realized for myself as well how we tend to lose perspective in terms of why we are walking this process, what does it mean to walk an individual process and an existential process as a whole as well – and that is in fact what the Desteni I Process implies when it comes to realizing our point of responsibility with ourselves/ existence as a whole to then base our application/ the totality of what we walk here as self correction on this single premise: we are here to establish an Equal and One Living Realization of who we really are as what we have never in fact lived-as, which is Life in Equality. This begins within ourselves and debunking any ‘good doing’ is necessary in order to remove this ‘nice façade’ that we’ve built of ourselves, face our demons, self forgive all the good and the bad to finally establish within/as ourselves What’s Best for All Life.

This is an introduction and I have to thank Mr. Anu for sharing this process/his process with us to also begin working with our own patterns.

The interviews at Eqafe are:

These have been REAL eye openers here and the very fact that it took me a day to get to this already implies there was a resistance to walk through to start getting onto this. 

 

And, to answer to the question proposed as the title of this blog, at ‘face value’ I can say that benevolence is not yet existent and that we are literally creating it not as a ‘good doing’ in terms of projecting halos upon ourselves as that’s the worst type of deception that can exist in fact, thus this ‘benevolence’ can only acquire a common sensical meaning wherein what matter is living/ directing ourselves to be and become the equality and oneness as living-flesh that we are, and that means: walking this process of Self Realization through Self Forgiveness in Self Honesty to only then realize/ see and understand the actual implications of who we are/ what we have become as the mind in the physical and How we can practically walk the necessary corrections in fact. This is also supported by Heaven’s Journey to Life , Creation’s Journey To Life blogs and many others walking the 7 Year Journey to Life daily blogs wherein as a group, we ensure we share this process with anyone else that is willing to also face themselves, take Self Responsibility for our creation and as such, dare to LIVE – which is certainly the path we’re walking at the moment and is yet ‘to be realized/ known/ seen/ understood – however, this is walked breath by breath, moment by moment until it is done, not losing our ‘ground’ nor the attention on the feet that we stand upon: physical support to face the mind ‘chaos’ that we’ve become – and that’s our certainly, that’s our point of Self Trust: no matter what, we are here and we face what we are/ have become and whatever may come as the consequences of our own creation – only then will we see if we are in fact able to be/become benevolent as a living realization of who we are in every moment of physically being here.

Let’s walk

Further Support at: Desteni Forum

 

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81. ‘We’re all going to die anyways’

Doomsday Character making the decisions for me.

 

Once that an apparent ‘choice’ is made and you decide to walk it: there’s no turning back. You face the consequences because, you decided to walk it for yourself.

Here I expose how I started creating excuses to not be absolutely self-directive in my career choice due to and because of still holding beliefs about the future, and specifically, 2012. I have exposed this point in the 2012 Death and Destruction post – however, this time is to expose the specific self-talk I used in relation to my career as a way to not have to actually direct myself to create a stable and self-directive future within the world system. I instead used the ‘art career’ as a way to only ‘get by’ in what I thought was ‘in the meantime’ of some major catastrophe/ end of the world scenario would take place.

I am writing this here, middle of 2012 and the sheer look at the backchat that I held for such a long time about 2012 as ‘the End’ seems laughable, however I did use it in ‘real life’ to make decisions. I mean, how far can we lead ourselves to when existing as Hope and in a general sense of uselessness to see no point in being/ becoming absolutely self-directive and self-responsible, just because of thinking that ‘I am going to die anyways.’

 

Let’s look at this character

Pattern: Future projection based on a belief of ‘the end of the world’ used as a means to not take absolute self-responsibility and self direction for myself toward a best for all outcome.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to use the year 2012 as an excuse to study something that I could ‘at least’ have some fun with while waiting for ‘the world to end’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in my life based on what I thought was going to be ‘the end of the world’ and it matching it with it being ‘the last year of my career at school’ wherein I thought that the world was going to be in severe problems/ the shit would be extremely hitting the fan by ‘then’/now, and that there was no point in “killing myself” to study a career to have a ‘promissory future’ of success and money, if we were all going to die anyways.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to base my entire life upon a belief of ‘the end,’ and make decisions according to what I believed was ‘a certainty,’ without realizing that I was not even aware of myself breathing and that I cannot even take the next breath for granted – thus I realize how massively deluded I was and how I programmed myself from a very young age to only ‘live up to’ the very last year of ‘the end of the world’ as 2012.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make this decision the day that I watched all the conspiracy theories and the end of days prophecies in Discovery Channel when I was around 9 years old, and from that moment on imprint this belief within me as a certainty, which is how I built my fascination for ‘death and destruction’ as a certainty in this world, becoming the character that gets a kick out of everything that points out to ‘death and destruction,’ just because of this validating and reinforcing my belief on 2012 being ‘the end of the world,’ validating my excuses and justifications to not walk a life that will ‘last for long’ anyways.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘Why should I ‘kill myself’ within walking some extremely difficult career to secure a future if we are all going to die anyways?’ and accordingly make decisions in my life, believing that I was really living ‘the last days.’

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make the type of art that would depict the belief of ‘the end of days’ simply because I could not see any other future for the Earth, without realizing that in doing so, I was already giving up and seeing ‘no way out’ – never realizing how I was in fact making essential decisions within my life based on a lie/belief that I had in no way a proof or certainty of. And, even if it was ‘real’ in such case, the single decision to find the way to make the ‘least effort’ was absolutely unacceptable as within this starting point of seeing everything in the future as ‘useless,’ I was already dooming my decision to fail, because I was not directing myself within the starting point of living/ directing myself to support myself to live, but I made the decision from the ‘doomsday character’ that was only getting ready to die.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘At least I will study that which ‘I’ wanted to study’ which is the spitefulness that I based my entire decision of studying art upon, not realizing that the backlash of me making decisions based on spitefulness – such as going ‘against the tide’ as I’ve described previously – and wanting to ‘escape the system’– would eventually hit back to me, because it was never an informed decision, but more of an infatuation-based decision which implies that, just like when you get yourself in a relationship based on the idea of love, I got into art school while ‘being in love’ with art, but not really considering the practicality of me walking it as an actual career throughout my life.

 

Within this, I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to make decisions in life based on preference/ like and infatuation leading to an obsession that I would justify and excuse, in every possible way, just like a religious person defending their faith – which is how I would shut off anyone sharing further perspectives about me ‘studying art’ and what I had to consider in practical living reality, but because I was so blinded by my desire, I did not hear and went for it by mere desire to fulfill my dream.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to take ‘my career’ as ‘my battle won against the system’ which implied my own family, the expectations that I believed and perceived everyone had about me studying some type of scientific/ mathematical career with a bright future ahead – but instead in my desire to ‘spite everyone’s expectations on me,’ I went for that which I thought would not be so consuming and draining to go through, believing that ‘my mission in life was something greater,’ and that there was no career for that. Besides of justifying this career choice in an almost imminent end of the world scenario that I believed was going to happen in 2012.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to even plan my future based on only having 6 years left of life, when I began my career, which reveals to what extent I was possessed by belief s and ideas of “the end of the world,” speaking self-righteously about it with people almost as if I had seen it for myself coming.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to, within this apparent ‘certainty,’ also hold the fear of ‘What if nothing happens?’ which I would immediately hide and suppress by continuing talking myself into the ‘doomsday scenario,’ so that I did not have to face my reality, my choices in life and the decisions I had made based on a blatant belief, immediately talking myself into the next greatest way to ‘suppress’ the actual self-responsible realization with ‘Then, I’ll find a way’ which is how I tend to lead my life based on a ‘miracle-based future,’ wherein I expect things to ‘happen’ to me instead of me being the directive principle in every moment of my existence.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to become the character and pattern of ‘leaving things just be’ and within that, abdicating all my self-responsible directions in life to a consequential outflow that I had ‘faith’ was already ‘laid out for me in a positive manner,’ which was all pretty much based on beliefs in life paths, reincarnation, astrology and everything that I could use to see myself as a pattern that had a certain future of success.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to justify my decision in life because of not seeing myself in ‘survival mode’ wherein I would use the backchat ‘It’s not like I’m going to starve to death or something’ as a way to not worry about myself and my future, just because of using my family/ parents as a ‘backup’ in financial terms, wherein I believed that ‘if everything goes wrong = I at least have my parents to back me up for it

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to exist in a laxity about the future based on me not being existing in a survival mode, wherein money is ‘not a problem’ and believing that no matter what, I would always have someone to support me – this I used to validate my career choice as ‘acceptable,’ because of not having to worry if I didn’t make it, because I would not apparently ever end up with no money at all, just because of trusting that I would always be supported by my family.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to abdicate my own self-responsibility in life toward my parents/ family being this ‘security’ in financial terms, wherein I knew that it would not matter if I was not ‘immediately successful,’ but that I would ‘make it somehow’ which was me projecting myself into the future as Hope, as ‘hoping’ that I would somehow ‘put my shit together and hit the jackpot’ in the artworld.

 

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to hold the backchat ‘Why should I even project myself in a future and plan it out if we are all going to die anyways’ – which is the perfect excuse that I used to not have to be self-directive in every single step and decision I took in life, leaving it all to an imminent future that I would then have to simply ‘cope with,’ without really considering the consequential outflow of my decisions and the future as to realizing what can I do/ how can I practically direct myself to place myself in a position in the world system wherein I can ensure I can support myself no matter what.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think that ‘I’d rather ‘live in the moment and let all the woes of the future behind’ which was just me talking to myself into a state of laxity about my life, my decisions, my career and future based on this belief of ‘there’s nothing we can do, the end is imminent’ which was a statement of ‘I am only waiting to die’ which is exactly how I was living in the past, based on beliefs and ideas of ‘the end of the world,’ but also for the experience of finally ‘resting in peace’ from this world, as the final dot that I connected the belief of death to sentence ourselves to.

 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see and realize how this ‘desire to die’ and for everything to end was also a character so that I didn’t have to be actually directing myself to construct a platform and foundation for myself and my future, but instead simply become this person that ‘surrenders to whatever comes,’ which is how spirituality influenced my life without me even being aware of it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘surrender’ to the future by thinking that ‘There’s nothing I can do to stop it (the end) if it’s already written how it ill be” which became a comfortable thought I could resort to whenever fear, anxiety and nervousness about myself and my future would emerge.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to think and believe that I should rather ‘enjoy life and live to the fullest in the time left’ which is how I allowed myself to go deep into pointless habits and a general self-deprecation toward myself, the world and my own relationships that were based on the support of this view on the world, so that I would not have to worry about actually considering solutions to myself, the world as myself and stand up from such doomsday scenario playing in my head; Instead I used people, images, beliefs and the witnessing of reality as a way to confirm that ‘I was right about the end of the world’ and that it was visible at plain sight we were on our way toward it.

 

I realize that even till this day, the atrocities, abuse and absolute mayhem we Are witnessing in the world are still linked to my belief of ‘the world is gonna end soon’ which I have stopped, but has remained as a way to ‘hinder’ my ability to see myself in the future, just because of thinking that this world is way too fucked up to be corrected. Thus I realize that within seeing ‘the world’ as a big massive self-destructive picture, I get this anxiety and hopelessness experience toward it which is the character that I have played throughout my life in order to ‘give up’ before even starting in walking myself as being the solution that we require in this world.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘at least art was a cool past-time for my ‘last days’ lol, which is how I would talk myself into convincing me that I had made the right choice because everything was going to ‘go to hell’ anyways, yet also believe that in the end, everything would always be ‘just fine,’ so that I would make of ‘the end’ this nice picture in my head instead of imagining all the suffering that would ensue with it.

 

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to become the epitome of laxity and uselessness toward myself as my own life, my career choice, my decisions, my relationships wherein all that I was supporting was the ‘doomsday character’ as a way to simply get-by the last days of Earth,  envisioning myself  spending my ‘last days’ in a happy-future-projected artistic outcome instead of ‘killing myself’ in some ‘serious career’ which I is how I had defined any other non artistic career to be.

 

I realize that all decisions based on a belief were meant to end up failing because they were never based on the consideration of what is best for all life, what is best for myself, how do I really want to live and experience myself in the world wherein I am not pursuing a dream, but an actual self-development process that could lead me to become the solution that I saw this world required. I accepted and allowed myself to get lost in beliefs and be consumed by actual fears of having to face myself and my future, justifying my laxity with an ‘end of the world’ scenario that obviously is and will not happen, which is how I am walking the process of taking the ‘wheel’ of my life for the very first time, ensuring that every decision I make is based on the consideration of that which I see will be beneficial for all equally, wherein I can really see myself doing something that is of support to establish a world in Equality as Life.

 

 

 

Fire Burns Me Down (2004)

 

Self Corrective Statements:

When and as I see myself going into a ‘laxity’ and ‘uselessness’ mode about myself and my future, I stop and I breathe. I realize that this is the consequence of me having based my life on a belief of ‘the end of the world’ wherein nothing would ‘really matter.’ Thus I direct myself to ensure that I walk the moment asserting myself as that which I am willing to be/ live as in every moment that I take responsibility for what I say, do and think within the consideration of what I participate in being directed to an outcome that is supportive for myself and others to live.

 

When and as I see myself going into a future projection of this world being ‘doomed’ -I stop and I breathe – I realize the projection for the comfortable lie that I used to hold as to justify my apparent ‘inability’ to direct myself effectively in the world system – thus I take self-responsibility to face the moment that I am here and stop any mind-shift and continue breathing to make practical decisions based on the point that I am facing within my world and reality.

 

When and as I see myself thinking that ‘something will sort itself out in the future,’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that I’ve used this thinking pattern as a way to not have to practically and physically direct myself to walk the steps necessary to walk something into completion. This implies that I ensure I walk point by point of one single future-projected plan by taking all aspects and participants into consideration based on the principle of what is best for all, wherein I ensure my participation is stemming from the actual self-correction of taking self-responsibility for my life and that of others as myself.

 

When and as I see myself using the excuse of ‘we’re all going to die anyways’ I stop and I breathe. I realize that this thinking pattern is a way for me to ‘step out ‘of my immediate responsibility from whatever I am facing in that moment. Thus I direct myself to instead ensure that every moment that I am here, I breathe and I direct myself within an understanding that living is every moment of breath here and not some ‘achievement’ to get to far away in the future. Thus I take responsibility for myself in the moment and ensure I make all decisions based on creating a life for myself and others as what’s best for all in a physical possibility.

 

When and as I see myself accessing a desire to ‘die’ whenever I face a seemingly impossible point in my life, I stop and I breathe. I realize that death in my mind is equal to giving up, which is just a tantrum-based character that I’ve used as a way to justify my actual lack of self-direction in everything I do wherein Death is a comfortable belief of ‘resting in peace’ so that I don’t have practically learn how to live and become self-directive in my world. Thus I ensure that I direct myself in every breath to live here, moment by moment integrating myself as the physical that is and directs itself to a best for all existence.

 

When and as I see myself believing that I will always have some ‘support’ by family as a way to not take responsibility for myself, I stop and I breathe. I realize the comfort of such belief/ idea being used by me to not take responsibility for my life. Thus I ensure that I stand for and by myself and my own means to not depend on someone else to ‘have a secured life’ in my reality.

 

When and as I see my entire life being seemingly ‘pointless’ and ‘meaningless’ – I stop and I breathe – I realize that this is the most common excuse to not take responsibility for myself.  I realize that I am here, I am not going anywhere and that what I must do is support myself to establish myself here as life, self-directive, ensuring that every decision made, every word spoken, every thought is self-directed to walk the necessary process to establish a change within me and the world that leads to a best for all outcome, wherein I realize that all excuses are only fears and limitations that have no place to exist in and as who I am as breath.

 

“I commit myself to show that the Only real Self is the Flesh that Breathes and Makes the Experience in Matter possible, and that the Flesh is the Real Man that is Meant with = “Man Know Thyself” – Bernard Poolman 

 

At the end of the tunnel (2009)

Further support:

Blogs:

 

Further support:

Now, the real deal in explaining the Future:

 

The Death and Destruction Character


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